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For him it begins like this…
They’re sitting in Coulson’s office in the Playground, a desk between them, a tablet in her hand, a paper report in his. The usual. They’ve done this dance before. Gone through the motions till the pattern was old and worn…comfortable for a pair of old agents. But who the hell was calling them old May would ask. And it would cause Coulson some consternation to realize he had grown comfortable in his habits. “We have problems, Coulson.”“Don’t we always?”“The Inhumans are not going to want to play nice like you and Skye want. I just don’t see it happening.”She had been leaning back in her seat but now she moves forward, tablet tossed impatiently onto the desk in front of her. May laces her fingers together and rests them on the wood. “Worst case scenario?” Coulson asks.“All-out war. For now we have roaming bands of gifted making trouble wherever they go. The team seems to have a handle on it for now. But as director you’re going to need to dedicate resources to containment centers.”“Rehabilitation. I want to believe they can be rehabilitated.”“Not everyone can be.”Coulson smiles and puts his report down, “That’s why I like you May you keep me grounded.” He doesn’t know why he does it exactly. It’s for all intents and purposes a friendly gesture. But he reaches out and places his hand over hers. It’s warm and surprisingly soft. May can radiate a cold exterior but she has vulnerabilities. No, vulnerabilities wasn’t the right word for this. She is human, so very human. A veritable spectrum of emotion if you know how to look. If you really pay attention. And Coulson is paying attention. Her eyes relax, the dark brown irises reflecting the low light of the office. The fluorescents are garish but her eyes are still lovely. The very corner of her lip turns up. It’s subtle, the way it makes her cheek plump, the faint creases around the side being the result. He finds no fault in that.He’s focused on the minute changes in her face, he doesn’t notice how his thumb is rubbing light circles on the back of her hand. Amazing how he can be so attuned to her but so oblivious of himself. What other emotions is he inadvertently displaying? He feels something change in the atmosphere. A realignment…a realization…a shift in the axis of his being. May has been there, all along, by his side. A constant companion. And during the time he believed he couldn’t trust her he should have trusted her devotion to S.H.I.E.L.D. And that told him everything about her sense of loyalty. She was his confidante, his protector when need be, his friend.“Phil?” She looks slightly confused, slightly amused and slightly hesitant. She’s waiting for him to make a move.And that is why this is so difficult. They are S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents in positions of command of their team. They are leaders. Skye, Simmons, Fitz…they look up to May and Coulson. Coulson ultimately can’t let his feelings get in the way of their missions. So he does the only thing he can do. He gives her a small regretful smile, squeezes her hand then removes it.He picks up a report, agent transition orders and he launches into the new topic. They continue the dance and will continue it for some time.
Rewind the clock…For her it begins like this…
She’s a young agent. He’s a young agent. There’s dancing. Why is there always dancing. Not that she’s against the practice. Phil is actually a pretty good partner. But it’s the whole ruse of the thing. This undercover bullshit that irks her. She didn’t really sign up for infiltrating fancy corporate parties when she put her fingerprint on her S.H.I.E.L.D. contract.Their mission is to watch the C.E.O., see who he talks to, what kind of interactions he has. If they get close enough that their body mics pick up conversation, even better. But so far the C.E.O. would rather down glasses of cheap champagne and put his hands on the skirts of all his female employees than talk to his shareholders. It was looking to be a bust.“This dance is a slow waltz, by the way.” Coulson leans in to speak near her ear.“Yes I know.” May responds, watching their target from the corner of her eye.“Oh. Because you’re dancing a little too fast for the music. I didn’t know if you wanted to lead or leave.”“Neither. I’m just focused on the mission.”“So am I and right now it’s dancing to the correct tempo.”May smirks and allows Coulson to lead her better. It’s about this time that May realizes two things: one that she and Coulson fit well together, like they were made to be partners (dancing partners, that’s all, and well agents). And two, that she sort of likes being in his arms. Not that she wants to admit that. She finds Coulson…Phil to be funny. He can take her sometimes difficult personality, shrug it off, and keep coming back for more. She loves planning missions with him. It takes the boredom out of the bureaucratic side of her job.Coulson turns her around so they both have a view of their target. “This doesn’t look very good does it? Maybe we got bad intel and the people he needs to be speaking with aren’t here.”“Maybe. Is it worth it to look around?”“Too many cameras. We didn’t plan for that in the Op.”They watch as the C.E.O. downs champagne straight from the bottle. Twenty minutes later, with a girl under each arm, he walks outside one of the wide double doors leading to the pool on the veranda and passes out in a lounge chair.May and Coulson watch the spectacle from a nearby table.“Can we conclude we learned nothing from this mission and go home?” May asks trying to restrain the annoyance in her voice.“And waste our fancy outfits?” Coulson jokes.“I’m leaving.” May gets up and is halfway to the exit before Coulson catches up. They take the elevator downstairs.“Terrible party anyways. Pretty bad form for your host to get drunk and pass out in the pool.”“Pretty sure he missed the pool.” May deadpans.“Damn that would have made for a more interesting report.” Coulson smiles and places his hand on the small of her back to lead her out the main door and onto the busy city street.“Any interest in real drinks? We wouldn’t have to waste our outfits as you so kindly pointed out.” May offers. She tries to keep it casual. Like a friend asking another friend out to do a friendly work thing.“Yeah sure. I know a great jazz bar downtown. Live piano music. Hard to pass up when you’re in Manhattan.“Sounds perfect.” She hails a cab and tries not to think about if things go right she has an extra hotel room key with his name on it. They get a call in the cab. It’s headquarters, change of plans. They’re needed back at base for an urgent mission in Thailand.Three weeks later she meets Andrew.
Fast-forward time…They both agree it begins like this…
It’s another world altering, brink of extinction event. This time from some kind of alternate universe…parallel universe? Coulson isn’t quite sure of the physics involved. First Tony Stark tries to explain it and then Vision gets involved and when finally Fitz tries to bring in his input he throws up his hands and just takes it as fact. He doesn’t need the whole truth. May just shrugs and says she just went with it when told by Fury. What is important is that there are gaps where our universes overlap and aliens are making their way through. Coulson remembers the report he gets from Steve Rogers, “They look like us. That’s the bad thing. Or at least they can mimic human form. They’re changeable they can make themselves look like you, me, anyone. They touch you and a copy of your memories are downloaded into their brains. They can take over your life. Become you essentially.”Then Fury takes over, “We’ve already had problems in some minor governments, banking institutions, Wall Street. These alien copies go in and take over C.E.O.s, presidents. They’re making decisions for some of the top businesses and political institutions in the world. Who knows what they’re doing to real people. They don’t want to fight yet. I think they’re playing the long game.”Steve concludes, “We just don’t know who is real and who is an alien copy.” It takes months to develop a device to test for the alien marker in the blood. By then governments that have been at peace are now at war with each other. And S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers still don’t know the aliens ultimate game plan. Coulson feels helpless, (May is strong for both of them).This was an Avengers level problem and the problem was that the Avengers feel helpless too. Once the blood serum testing is officially sanctioned, Coulson and May make a pact.“We should each test each other. Everyday. No excuses.” May brings it up first.“I agree. Everyday.” Coulson nods sternly.“That way we know.”“That way we know.”So they do, but they never have a problem. When the aliens get to Hunter and the actual Hunter can’t be found things finally seem real for Coulson and May. Their interrogation of the alien does not go well. He…it…doesn’t seem to realize that it isn’t Hunter. It believes that it is Hunter and has all of Hunter’s memories. But the alien has a programmed mission. Maybe programmed all the way into its very DNA. Infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D. learn what it can, transmit that information back to its universe and cause as much mayhem as possible. Coulson hadn’t sanctioned torture but when Fitz recommends that neural stimulation similar to the machine Raina used on him might be useful, he first consults May, then agrees to it. He stays for every minute of the interview. It’s painful to watch. He decompresses with May later over a bourbon. She stays sober. “Sometimes, I don’t think I like myself very much.” He begins with some difficulty. “I question my actions, my words. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.” He finds himself more prone to self-reflection these days.May stays silent for the moment.Coulson takes a swig of his bourbon, enjoying the burn of the amber liquid as he swallows. He waits for May to respond. He knows she will but he also knows that she chooses her words carefully. Finally she looks him straight in the eyes, her features resolute.“You don’t have to like yourself, Phil. But can you live with what you did at the end of the day? Was it worth it?” May asks in that way that always gets him to think while simultaneously being of comfort.“Yes.” He decides. The conclusion isn’t as difficult to come to as he had thought it would be.She finishes by adding, “Then you go on.” And that was that. He goes on. Months pass, First world nations are now actively at war with each other. It seems governments don’t know who to trust, who is real and who are led by aliens. And in that case they trust no one. Nuclear war is right around the corner. The aliens plan is becoming clearer. More and more are being caught thanks to the blood tests and a grisly picture is being painted. When Coulson breaks the latest news to the team he’s met with stunned silence. “This means the end of the world, doesn’t it?” Simmons brings her hand up to her mouth in shock.“We haven’t lost yet. We have to stay hopeful that we can come up with something. We have S.H.I.E.L.D. We have the Avengers. We have the Inhumans on our side. And we know the Inhumans can’t be copied. That’s a boon for us.”“So they want to kill us off and then harvest our world for resources? That’s what you’re saying right?” Mack asks.“They’re using the least amount of their people to infiltrate our world and relying on our own panic and stupidity to do the rest.” Coulson replies, acknowledging the horror of the statement.“Ingenious. A+ humanity.” Skye quips from down the table while holding one of her thumbs up.The team looks to Coulson for parting words of wisdom, “I have to admit this is above me. This is above all of us. We may not come out of this. But we have to try. We owe it to ourselves.” The worst is now a reality. Nuclear war all out rages across America, across Europe, across Asia. S.H.I.E.L.D now operates off the helicarriers. The Avengers do everything they can to stop the incoming missiles, but it’s too much for one group of people. Super or not. They’re tired, everyone is tired.Thor even asks for the might of Asgard to help Earth in this time. But his request falls on deaf ears. They will not interfere. Not even when Thor threatens that their world may be next. The gods do not believe they can be so vulnerable.In the end it’s not diplomacy (they tried that, it didn’t work) or all-out battle but science that wins the day. And it doesn’t come from Tony Stark or Bruce Banner or even Vision’s powerful mind. It’s through the tinkering of one Leo Fitz sitting in one of Stark’s cast off labs on the helicarrier. He’d been thinking about the I.C.E.R.S and watching Star Wars in the background on his laptop. As Fitz tells it his first thought was I.C.E.R. blasters and then I.C.E.R. lightsabers before quickly devolving into something a bit more on task with wide field radiation sprays. Well a powder that can be aerosolized. A way to make the aliens inert. Night night spray for aliens, keyed to their DNA markers so it wouldn’t hurt humans. Spread enough of it by air and everyone would be exposed. Then round up the aliens. And hope the governments could make nice with each other again.“That’s good, Fitz.” May rewards him with a smile.“Fitz scratches his head and replies, “Yeah it kind of is isn’t it.”“Now why didn’t we think of that?” Tony slaps Bruce in the chest, “You’re the radiation guy.”“We don’t watch Star Wars?” Bruce slowly offers up a suggestion.“I’ve seen it,” Tony replies defensively. “Opening day.”“What were you like five?”“Maybe it was the 2nd one. Point is spoiler alert Vader is Luke’s father.”“Can we get back to the topic at hand?” Coulson steers the conversation back to the point. “Now we get it to prototype. Can you do that Fitz?”“Yes….probably…maybe…I’m going to need time.”“Well we don’t have it. So work quickly.” Later that night it’s just Coulson and May sitting in a corner on the bridge.“It feels like we’re turning a corner, finally.” Coulson starts.“I really hope it works. Fitz seems…optimistic.”Coulson looks at May, sighs and asks something that’s been on his mind, “May we’ve been doing this a long time, ever think of retiring?”“You mean after this is done?”“Yeah, obviously.”She thinks about that for a while, “I don’t know. Sometimes I think this is all I know. What would I do in my retirement? Take up knitting, gardening, yoga?”“I can see you knitting an afghan.” The corner of his mouth turns up as he teases her.May purses her lips and raises an eyebrow, “Yeah I don’t think so.”“I’m sure we could find some untouched island to retire to. Just think, pristine beaches, crystal clear water, the sun. I feel like I haven’t truly felt the sun in years.”“We?” She seems amused. The smile on her face is light and friendly.Coulson realizes the slip, his eyes widen slightly but he recovers quickly. “Well, me. But you’re welcome to come visit. I’ll probably have become a hermit by that point.”“Why not. I think I tan. It’s been so long that I’m not entirely sure anymore.”“Well, there we go. If we survive, our hypothetical retirement island awaits.”May smiles and chuckles softly, “You know you’re not retiring. And neither am I. S.H.I.E.L.D. needs us too much. The world will need us after this is done.”“You’re always right Melinda.” He can’t quite hide his disappointment behind his smile. Weeks pass and the Avengers figure out how to close the gaps between Universes. No more aliens can get through. Science for the win. They also find that the night night radiation spray works. Teams of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and military squads from around the world are tasked with rounding up the aliens. There are not as many as they thought. That is scary, realizing that a few words, a few broken treaties has led to full on world war. The team is in Manhattan going block by block with the police rounding up unconscious alien invaders. The sun is setting over the water as Coulson and May stop for the day in Battery Park. The night night spray was guaranteed to last for 48 hours and they have been working most of the day. Coulson plops down on a bench, watches the sun set near Lady Liberty. May walks up behind him, places her hand on his shoulder.“Join me?” He asks.She walks around the bench and sits. The cold wind whips around them and she fists her hands in the pockets of her jacket trying to get warm.“Here.” Coulson reaches for her.“What?” She replies confusedly.“Your hands.” She takes them out of her jacket and Coulson places his warm ones over hers. Using a bit of friction he takes the chill out of her bones. It’s nice, she thinks. She and Coulson have always been about the small moments. The time they take to decompress after a difficult mission. A needed pep talk before making a hasty decision. A moment like this where it’s just friendly physical contact. Humans need that. She needs that from time to time. Will she ever admit that she needs a hug? No. But a hand on her arm, a show of support. They mean everything to her. “We did good. Saved the world…again.” Coulson says absentmindedly, May’s hands still in his.“I hope the world deserves it.” She has her eyes on their joined hands. Because that’s what they are now. They have turned toward each other hand in hand.“There will always be something in humanity worth saving.”“That’s what I love about you Phil. You want to believe.”“I have to or there’s no point to anything I do.”They sit there for a while in companionable silence. The sun continues its slow descent over the water. When Coulson looks at May again her face is bathed in orange light. On impulse he brushes a lock of hair behind her ears.“We should get that drink.” Coulson offers.“What drink?”“The one you wanted to get years ago. I still know that really great jazz bar.”She smiles, a full on smile and hangs her head. Then she squeezes his hand, brings her own up to his face and kisses him. It’s both tender and passionate. Years of subdued longing being transmuted into something achingly precious. It’s a realignment…a realization…a shift in the axis of both their beings. But now things are in parallel. They move together instead of out of sync, out of time. She leans back. He smiles, a look of fulfilled yearning in his eyes.“It’s about time you asked, Phil.”“Yeah, it was definitely overdue.”They get that drink. And on another day they get another one. May finds a use for that extra hotel key. And sometime down the line they sit on a white sand beach together, hands gently linked and reflect on their long careers. They had built a strong team. They would carry on fine without the two of them. They find that relaxation suits them but they know to stay vigilant. And if May has a secret emergency phone with a direct line to S.H.I.E.L.D. in case they need to be called in…well Coulson doesn’t need to know about that. It’s not like Coulson doesn’t have his own stuffed in his sock drawer just waiting for the next world ending catastrophe. Retirement suits them just fine at the end of the day as long as they have each other.