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His father was not born wealthy, Jongin is reminded his entire childhood, and he worked hard and honestly to earn the respect he has today.Jongin now trains to continue the level of reverence people have for his father, and by extension, his family. He studies hard and tries to equip himself with basic skills: sword fighting, spear throwing, and even archery.The goal is for the King to find Jongin worthy. So he can replace his father or anyone else in the King’s Counsel, so his father can retire.At the age of twelve, Jongin knows enough about hierarchies —although he fails to understand why they exist— to know when a prince enters. He is dozing in front of his war strategies textbook, in his father’s study at the castle, when the doors open suddenly.Jongin startles and reaches for his small sword. Then notices the prince, and the two bodyguards next to him.He bows to Prince Baekhyun, still sleepy.“Who are you?” The youngest prince asks when he stands up from his bow.There’s disgust in his voice. Jongin cowers a bit. “Kim Jongin. Son of Kim Jinho.”“How old are you?”“Twelve.”“Do you like to play?”Jongin looks at the prince in surprise. Of course he likes to play. His limit of studying is two lessons, after which he is ready to play for the rest of the day. Jongin’s father indulges him more, allows him to create games to learn boring subjects like politics and literature. Jongin’s other tutors are less so.“Well?” The prince prompts.“Yes,” Jongin replies.“Good. Come, let’s play hide-and-seek!”The youngest prince rushes towards Jongin, grabs him by the wrist, and drags him out of the study room.— —Jongin quickly becomes prince Baekhyun’s closest friend. They are inseparable, attached at the hip.Baekhyun convinces Jongin’s father to let him stay at the castle with the prince, receive training and education there.So Jongin learns more than what was expected of him. The King, too, is happy to see the youngest prince study more, because Jongin’s tolerance to study is a bit higher and he doesn’t want to play alone.Now they run around the castle as a pair. Baekhyun and Jongin. Jongin and Baekhyun.— —Jongin is twenty-two when he realizes the battleground is not for him.He is exceptional at one-on-one battles; with hands, swords, spears, or daggers. But when more people come into picture, his limbs begin to lose coordination.Prince Baekhyun, now twenty-five—childish still—laughs when Jongin’s sword slips out of his hand. He is across the ground, closer to the armory, and still catches the fall.“Yah, Kim Jongin,” he yells. “Aren’t you tired of practicing?”He’s always teasing his right-hand man. He comes over with a wide grin and a ringing laughter among grunts of people training. Jongin picks up his sword, places the tip of the blade on the ground, his feet in a regular stance and his hands on top of the sword’s grip.“Let’s end today’s practice here,” Baekhyun whispers the conspiracy. He sounds delighted, like he found out about a scholar’s scandal. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and sheathes his sword. “I heard they’re making sweets for tonight. We can steal some if we reach there in an hour.”At times like these, Jongin is torn between being a friend and being a dutiful son. Baekhyun likes to test which—and who—Jongin chooses every chance he can get.“Okay,” Jongin acquiesces. “But not enough that they notice.”“Great!”Baekhyun beams and immediately drops into Jongin’s arms with a loud, attention-seeking groan. His sword drops. Jongin, dutifully, holds the youngest prince.The training commander rushes over, eyes wide and concerned.“Commander, I need some rest,” Baekhyun says. He flops against Jongin’s chest, eyes droopy and ready to close. “I don’t feel so good.”“Y-yes, of course, Your Highness.” The commander turns to Jongin, still in panic, and says, “take the prince to the Royal physician.”Jongin nods and drags Baekhyun’s limp body out of the training ground. Baekhyun is unexpectedly heavy like this, limp and unmoving as though he’s unconscious. After two minutes, Jongin reaches the pond and drops the prince on the shore, with a whispered I’m tired. The youngest prince’s hands come below him to reduce impact. He immediately crosses his legs on the grass, and watches his friend sit down to catch his breath.Silence brings comfort after years of friendship. Jongin watches the pond shine, some fishes come to the surface to gulp, and Baekhyun picks at the grass and throws it at the pond.“Jongin-ah,” Baekhyun says, “while I get us some sweets, you need to go figure out who is visiting today. And why.”Despite his complaints about princely duties, Baekhyun hates being left out on current events. He recently recovered from three weeks of intense fever. The Royal physician announced that until the youngest prince completely recovers, he must not be troubled and he must not be stressed.Nobody knows what is causing these bouts of intense illness. All they know is that the youngest prince almost died when he was seventeen, and nobody wishes to see him sickly again.“Um.”“I’m not going to participate in anything. I need to know—” Baekhyun turns to him with a serious look. “I’m a prince, Jongin. I need to know what’s happening.”“Okay.” Jongin nods. “You have to promise to not get stressed over it, though.”Baekhyun grunts. “I promise.”Jongin gets up and holds out a hand for his friend. “Okay then. Let me take you to your room.”They keep up the pretense. Jongin carries the prince on his back to his room, closes the door behind him, and orders that nobody disturbs him for trivial matters.“If it’s really important, ask for his permission twice.”The servant nods and Jongin leaves. He knows that, technically, all the door-keeper needs to hear is ‘he is sick’ to follow these commands, but it gives him comfort to know he’s not slipped up on his duties.Jongin decides to sneak into the second prince’s room first.In the castle, a large area is dedicated to the second prince’s needs. Jongin goes to the back of the main room, right behind where the closest should be. The walls here are weaker, and have a secret passage to the inside. He dislodges three pieces of wood, turns each one to the left, and a large section of the wall falls into his hands. Jongin sneaks inside, closes the section behind him and settles there.It’s a closet for cushions and mattresses. Jongin can only hope he gets information quickly, or he might die here. He can’t go out of the place he came in here. It only opens from the outside.He moves closer to the closet door and listens.“There is a part of the Kingdom that is rebelling,” Kyung says. Jongin can’t see a thing in this darkness, so he tries to deduce their positions in his mind.The second prince groans. “They keep rebelling and losing, and rebelling and losing.” He sounds extremely bored. “What is wrong with these people? What are they rebelling about now?”“The price of everything is increasing, Prince Byunghee. Even rice has become expensive.”“Don’t we know that? We have experts coming from every nook of the country.”Kyung doesn’t respond, so Jongin assumes she’s nodding along. Kyung nods a lot when she talks.Prince Byunghee proceeds to talk about a philosophy book he read, and Jongin groans in his head. There is no way out of this place but through the closet door. He stares at the darkness in front of him and dozes off, slightly aware that the prince and his right-hand are talking in the main room.Jongin startles when he hears footsteps. He hides behind the mattresses. The closet door slides open. He gulps the fresh air desperately, as quietly as he can.“Are you sure you heard a snore? Not something rattling?” Prince Byunghee asks. His voice is clearer now, the gentleness of his voice stronger.Jongin tightly wraps his hand around his mouth and nose.“It definitely sounded like it,” Kyung says. She’s only an arm’s length away from Jongin, and her voice rings in his ears. The door closes. “Perhaps I misheard.”Prince Byunghee doesn’t respond to that. “I must take a walk before I change for tonight’s feast.”“Yes, Your Highness.”A pair of footsteps move away from Jongin. Once he can’t hear a single thing, he dives forward, and leaps out of the closet.His whole body is covered in a thin layer of sweat. The fresh air is sweet and reminds him that he’s alive.He opens another closet, this one filled with bottles upon bottles of medicine, books about medicine, and tools for medicine. It’s no secret that Prince Byunghee wishes to be a doctor as well as a King. Jongin shuffles further into the closet, and slides a section of wood to reveal a large man-made hole in the ground underneath.He enters the hole, closes the entrance of it yet again, and emerges on the other side of the castle wall. When he looks at the sky above, he realizes it’s been only half an hour since he was in the closet and at the brink of unconsciousness.Jongin hurries to the main entrance. He is not a great spy overall, even Baekhyun says so. He isn’t good at being discreet or at hiding in small spaces for a long time. But, he’s good at talking. He can talk and lure people into revealing information he needs.Frankly, he learnt the art of it by witnessing Baekhyun do it over and over again, since they both were young.He lingers around the front gate, his attention jumps from one shop to the other. There are many shiny objects in the shops near the gate. In the whole street of shops, as they come closer to the castle, they become more and more royalty-focused. Jongin goes to the first shop and browses through the products.There are more trinkets than anything in the shop, all of them shiny and useless to him. Still, Jongin picks each up, inspects it closely, and puts it down.The shopkeeper is further inside, hidden in the dark, and when he notices Jongin, he grunts. “You better have intention to buy, young man.”A second later, his son walks to where Jongin stands, and he looks apologetic. “Hello Jongin-ssi,” he says. “I’m sorry about my dad.”Jongin waves at him dismissively. “No problem at all. I get why he’d say that.”He picks up a wind chime, the prettiest of the bunch, and a jade token with blessings inscribed on it. If Baekhyun wishes to participate at the dinner, he will want to present a gift. These seem appropriate.He buys them at a little higher price, to ease the nervous shopkeeper’s son, and to stay on the old man’s good side.He pauses in front of the gatekeeper and his colleague nearby, and approaches them with a purposeful sad and cute look.“Hello, Soldier Moon,” he greets the first one with a deep bow. He turns to the second gatekeeper and bows the same. “Soldier Hyuck.”“What’s gotten you low, Jongin-ssi?” Soldier Hyuck asks. He leaves his post to inspect Jongin closer, and Soldier Moon follows suit.“Ah, it’s the same old. Prince Baekhyun is unnecessarily cruel about my work.”Both soldiers click their tongues in distaste. They don’t like any of the princes for some reason; they think only Princess Byulyi—the eldest daughter of the Byun family—is a worthy candidate for the next ruler.Jongin uses this distaste to his advantage.“He asked me to get this for the visitors, and he won’t tell me what it means.” Jongin holds the jade token out for the men to inspect.“It’s a well-wishing,” Soldier Moon says. “Something to present when new beginnings are around the corner.”“Huh?” Soldier Hyuck’s eyebrows furrow. “What new beginnings? Is Princess Byulyi—”“Are you out of your mind? She’s not even married yet!”“What are you talking about?! I was asking if she has found a worthy husband?!”Jongin sighs. “Soldier Moon, Soldier Hyuck, it’s not for Princess Byulyi. We will have visitors apparently.”“Oh,” both chorus. Then, Soldier Hyuck nods along. “Yes, we’re expecting scholars and their ambassadors. Then this makes for a good gift, Jongin-ssi. Rest assured.”—- —-A few more minutes of conversation gives Jongin all he needs.It’s weird, really, how Baekhyun is kept away from what happens, while mere soldiers know about it. Jongin suspects foul play—from Prince Byunghee, Princess Byulyi, and Baekhyun’s father. But he can’t say that aloud without severely upsetting Baekhyun and worsening his already fragile health.He goes back to Baekhyun’s room. He inquires about visitors, but the doorkeeper only shakes her head.As soon as he enters the prince’s room, he’s hit with a strong aroma of freshly cooked sweets.Jongin closes the door behind him and crawls over to a plate of delicious confectionery.He pops the milk sweet in his mouth and places the gifts in front of Baekhyun. He begins to spill all the information he’s gotten. There are expert scholars on their way, not just from other kingdoms but from other lands. It’s probably to figure out the ever increasing princes of every grain and food.“Oh, and people believe you’re a terrible prince to work for.”Baekhyun sputters. “What?!”“I needed to get their sympathy,” Jongin whines. He ducks when a sweet is thrown at his face. “To get more information! Hyung, don’t waste food!”Jongin knows that the information he provided isn’t enough. It’s nowhere close to enough, but Baekhyun doesn’t ask for more, nor does he share anything if he knows a bit more.He leaves so Baekhyun can prepare for the welcome feast.When he enters his room, Jongin finds his father there. He is seated behind the short table, a grim expression on his face.“Father,” Jongin says, and bows. “What brings you here?”“You’ve forgotten your goal of being here,” his father says.Jongin freezes, a certain fear strikes his chest. He’s unsure what he’s afraid of, but he immediately sits in front of his father. He keeps his head bowed, and waits.“Have you studied your philosophies?” His father asks after a long moment. Jongin stays silent. He hasn’t. He’s too ashamed to admit. “War positions? War strategies?”Jongin only breathes and his father heaves a sigh.“You’ve grown, Jongin, but you’re still distracted.” He says. He stands up and Jongin with him. “You had more focus as a child than you do now, Jongin. What changed?”Jongin’s breath shortens. He doesn’t know. He’s trying. He didn’t mean to. He doesn’t want to be a failure.His father sighs.“At least daughters can become housewives,” his father says on his way out.Jongin holds back his tears and walks further into his room. He picks out a different set of clothes, more appropriate for the feast. He goes to the front of his room, and asks the two guards to retire for the day. For now, the possibility of an attack is pleasant.— —
It takes him twenty minutes to collect himself. In fact, the tears are endless but he stops them because Baekhyun expects him to keep company. No member of the royal family will sit at the feast without their trusted friend or right-hand man.
He washes his face with cold water and changes his clothes. His father’s words hang around him, while his mind comments and rebukes them.He shouldn’t say that. If Jongin’s mother heard it, if any of his sisters’ heard it, they would be upset, too. It’s not fair to Jongin, and it’s not fair to the women in their house. They worked hard and found themselves honest jobs and good husbands.Jongin tries and fails to shake the words off from his mind.When he enters Baekhyun’s room, the prince is not ready yet. Jongin stands in a corner, away from the fussy servants. One ties Baekhyun’s hair prettily, one prepares his sword, one holds his final robe on a large tray.“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asks without a glance. “Why are you so quiet?”Jongin shifts on a single leg, and sighs. “My father visited.”Baekhyun pauses and turns around. He looks concerned.In response, Jongin shrugs and quickly glances at everyone. They continue their work, as they were trained. In a castle, even walls have ears; you’re never truly alone, unless you freshly killed those around you. “He asked about my studies.”If they were alone, truly alone, Jongin would talk more. He would confess the horrible thoughts and emotions that overcame him. He watches Baekhyun get ready, and follows him to the main banquet hall.It’s decorated beautifully, and already set up. There are rows after rows of tables, a slightly raised stage of the royal family, and one tall dais for the King and the Queen. Jongin goes inside from a different entrance, while the royal family enters in an order. He waits near Baekhyun’s table.His father is already in the hall, with his colleagues, and he looks everywhere but at his son.And Jongin, to soothe the ache in his chest (of shame, of humiliation, of anger), avoids him in return.Once everyone is seated, the guests walk in. In the front are two foreign soldiers, followed by one Korean scholar, and two foreign scholars behind him. The second scholar looks about Jongin’s age, although he’s much taller, and looks unapproachable.Beside him is a dimpled man, who looks amused by everything. It’s clear who are the guests and who are the guests’ servants and companions. The King welcomes the party, and asks for their introduction to the court.The first man is Kim Junmyeon, a traveler and a scholar. He’s a student of his father—Kim Hansoo, a reputed scholar and previously a counselor at the King’s court. His reason for his departure was that the ocean called for him, and he wished to answer. Rumour has it that his wife is a sea nymph, and Kim Junmyeon has the beauty of an other-worldly creature.The next man— Zhang Yixing, he says in perfect, crisp Korean. Jongin repeats his name but it clogs the back of his mouth.Zhang Yixing is an economics scholar, and a physician, from a different land. He’s here as a favour for his friend, Kim Junmyeon. He, too, learnt economics from Kim Hansoo.“What’s economics?” Jongin whispers to Baekhyun. He’s never heard of this word.“It’s related to money and produce for a large number of people,” Baekhyun answers.The third person is Huang Zitao. He has a heavy accent, but Jongin has little trouble understanding his sentences. Huang Zitao switches to simpler words ever so often, when words begin to dissolve in his mouth. He is Zhang Yixing’s disciple, here to continue his lessons and protect his teacher.It’s... odd to see such a menacing face stumble and speak like a child.The others are not important, it seems. The introduction stops there, and the guest party bows to the King and his family.Once the guests are seated, the King introduces his family. They present gifts of their own, and the guest party gives one in return.All the while, Jongin’s eyes wander towards Huang Zitao. The disciple sits with a great posture, and pays attention to all conversation around him. Jongin locks eyes with him several times, and each moment leaves him curious.Huang Zitao looks mysterious, scary, and even disinterested. Jongin doesn’t like to acquaint himself with people like him, and yet Zitao proves to be an exception.“Jongin-ah,” Baekhyun calls him towards the end of the feast. He has a grin on his face as he teases, “what’s so interesting over there?”He even nods towards where Zitao is seated, and Jongin quickly looks at his own plate. “Nothing. I just lost focus.”“Of course.” Baekhyun giggles. “Oh, by the way, I will be meeting Zhang Yixing tomorrow, to learn economics from him.”Jongin nods. “What time?”“Before lunch time.”“I’ll be there, then.”Prince Baekhyun nods. “Good. I’m pretty sure Huang Zitao will be too.”“I don’t care about him,” Jongin hisses. He’s simply fascinated by the disciple, why is Baekhyun teasing him about it?“I didn’t say you do, Jonginie. I just made an observation. He goes everywhere his teacher goes.”Jongin glances at said man. Their eyes lock once more, and Jongin’s face twitches into a smile. Huang Zitao smiles in return, and oh, he’s gorgeous. — —Dinner is, overall, a smooth adventure. Jongin ignores Prince Byunghee and Princess Byulyi whisper-fighting. He catches some words but his mind is taken up by Zitao’s presence and Baekhyun’s concerned glances.Towards the end, when people are stuffed and ready to leave, Baekhyun grabs his wrist. Jongin looks at him, surprised. It’s not like he will leave without Baekhyun.“I’m going on a walk, after I change.” He says.Jongin nods. “I’ll be there.”Walks aren’t great, not when a Prince accompanies you. Guards will follow, and Jongin is more occupied with Baekhyun’s safety. But he will take what he gets to talk to his friend. Maybe he can explain himself in little words, and hope his friend will fill in the gaps.When he meets Baekhyun at his door, the prince is in worn out clothes. Something he’d wear as a disguise, to stroll in the public market.“I meant a proper walk,” he reprimands. Jongin winces and strips the outer robe, to match the prince’s outfit a little bit. This is more apt for their kind of proper walk, he thinks; not too precious to rough up a bit.They quickly move to the backside of the castle, closer to the walls. Here, there are less guards in earshot and enough trees to hide in. Jongin walks to their usual tree and begins to climb it. He assesses the branches and finds a strong enough one for both of them.Once Baekhyun too is seated, he sighs. “You were strange in the hall. Distracted.”Jongin snorts. “My father thinks so, too.”“He said the same thing?”“More than his usual.”Baekhyun winces in sympathy. “What more?”“Something about daughters and housewives. I don’t remember much. Whatever.”Jongin sighs. He remembers word for word. He doesn’t want to dwell on it, frankly. Reproach has not worked on him, nor has enthusiasm, nor has prayers. He doesn’t know what the problem is. It’s not like he’s not trying to be better at something. He’s simply stuck.Baekhyun knows of this problem, he hed identified it before Jongin’s father.Jongin is good at many things, but not good enough. He’s average at everything, and he can’t seem to progress at anything anymore. The King employs only the best of the best. Average doesn’t begin to stand a chance at the castle.The only reason he’s even here is his friendship with Baekhyun. His weaknesses weren’t this obvious before, they were fixable, Jongin could be improved. Not anymore.“Maybe you need to pick one area and stick to it,” Baekhyun says, not for the first time.“But I love all my studies dearly.” Jongin says. “All of them. I’m sad when I can do only one.”Jongin can hear his father’s response to it. ‘Sadness must be overcome, and duties must be performed. Do not be weak.’ He wants to do that. He wants to push through the sadness, but nobody believes him when he mentions how unbearable it becomes. His grief keeps him stuck, performing the same drills, reading the same books over and over again.Baekhyun sighs heavily. “What if we ask Zhang Yixing to teach you something new? From their land? Maybe economics will interest you enough to do it for the rest of your life.”Jongin nods. He doesn’t mention how sad it makes him. The rest of his life seems dull, empty, when he imagines himself with expertise on a single subject. He’s dreamt of his future full to the brim, fruitful. He imagines he will be an 80 year old grandfather, and people still would search him out for his advice.He wants a bright, fulfilling life.Baekhyun called him foolish, when he told him so. As more and more time passes by, Jongin thinks his friend was right. It’s foolish to expect such a feat out of this life. He’ll hope for the next one instead, maybe.— —Economics is boring. Jongin’s eyelids become heavy two minutes into the lecture by Zhang Yixing, but he tries to stay awake, to be respectful. He writes down what he thinks will help Baekhyun later, but he wavers between sleep and wakefulness.When Jongin looks up from his notebook, Yixing is in front of his table.“It seems my class doesn’t interest you, sir.” He says. He’s not cruel with his words, simply neutral. Jongin isn’t sure if that’s worse or he should be relieved.“No, teacher Zhang, it’s very interesting.” Jongin tries.“Oh,” Yixing laughs. “I know my class is interesting, dear. You don’t like it enough. You may leave if you wish, I do not like the thought of anyone wasting their precious time on something they don’t like.”Jongin glances at Baekhyun, unsure. Most teachers will take offense if he tries to leave, but Zhang Yixing sounds... serious about it.Yixing looks at Jongin for a long moment. “Zitao,” he calls.Huang Zitao emerges from his table immediately, a stern look on his face. He bows to his teacher and waits.“Keep this gentleman company, while his prince finishes this class.” Yixing turns to his disciple with a gentle smile. “I will teach you the same privately.”Zitao nods and holds out his hand to Jongin. They move towards the back of the class, near the wall. It’s far enough that any light conversation won’t disturb the rest of the royal children and other students.“My apologies,” Jongin whispers when they sit. He leans against the wall and slumps a bit. “You had to leave the class because of me.”“It’s alright,” Zitao chuckles. “I don’t find economics interesting either.”“What?” Jongin’s heart flutters, his eyes widen in surprise. “But... You’re teacher Zhang’s disciple. He teaches economics, doesn’t he?”Zitao glances at him with a mischievous smile. It reminds Jongin of a young Baekhyun. “He knows far more than economics, sir. I learn everything from him.”Jongin nods. “Please don’t call me sir. I’m only Baekhyun’s friend. I’m Kim Jongin.”“Kim Jongin.” Zitao repeats. “That’s a pretty name.”“Ah.” Jongin pauses; his ears turn hot in a split second. “Thank you. I’ve not— received such a compliment.”This surprises Zitao. “Really? But you’re so good looking.”A giggle rips out of Jongin’s throat. He’s never had such a conversation with anyone. “Thank you. I’ve not been called ‘pretty’ before, either.”Zitao looks at him this time, his eyes so intense that Jongin forgets about his environment for a second. He stares at Zitao’s eyes and everything around disappears. “You’re very pretty Jongin-ssi.”“T-thank you. You’re pretty, Zitao-ssi.”That makes his companion giggle. “I know, thank you. I love being called pretty.”Jongin notices Zitao’s face flush with delight, his focus back to the class in front of them. Clearly, he thinks.A comfortable silence settles between them. Jongin stares at Baekhyun and everything around the youngest prince, at his constantly moving brush. He makes jokes with teacher Zhang the most, laughing so loud it reaches the ceiling of the large room. Teacher Zhang, unlike other teachers Baekhyun’s had, makes jokes that are equally childish. The most Baekhyun’s teachers in the castle would do is laugh along with a joke, and get back to business.“Teacher Zhang is a good person, isn’t he?” Jongin whispers to Zitao.“He is,” Zitao nods. “He’s strict, but he is indulgent. He will bend over backwards if he thinks that will help his students learn better.”Jongin finds himself smiling. He looks at Zitao, to see if he noticed Baekhyun’s bright smile, but his focus is somewhere else entirely. Zitao’s eyes are locked with Kim Junmyeon’s, all the way across the hall. Both of them have a neutral expression, but Jongin thinks he’s intruding on a private moment. He looks at Kim Junmyeon, and now his eyes are locked with Junmyeon’s and he can’t seem to look away.Junmyeon’s eyes are dark, calm, and Jongin’s stomach drops when the older man looks away first. Wow, no wonder Zitao couldn’t look at Jongin when the conversation was between them.“Do you learn from Kim Junmyeon too?” Jongin asks. For good measure, he turns to Zitao and stays that way. There’s a strong urge to look at Junmyeon once more, to feel his stomach drop once more. He wants to feel it reach a deeper point in his gut, if that’s even possible.“No.” Zitao looks at him, a small smile on his face. “Master Yixing is the only one I learn from. I keep Junmyeon-hyung company, that’s all.”“Like I keep Baekhyun company?”Zitao laughs. “No. Not like you and your prince. Junmyeon-hyung and my relationship is... Special.”Jongin nods. Maybe he forgot the word for ‘different’ in Korean.— —“He kept looking at me, every time he said the word!” Baekhyun laughs. He rolls onto his stomach, now in front of Jongin who sits in front of him. The prince’s face is flushed, a loopy smile on his lips after the whole bottle of alcohol he’s drunk.It’s nice to see him like this, Jongin will admit, but there’s a worry in the back of his mind. The doctor has prohibited Baekhyun from any kind of alcohol, because that seems to aggravate his health problems. But Baekhyun drinks it anyway. Jongin thinks one or two bottles every four months should be fine.The sun is high in the sky, but Jongin has covered all the windows with a cloth, so nobody can see the youngest prince like this.Jongin likes Baekhyun, even if he’s drunk. He’s cute, his words slur like never before. Baekhyun is nothing if he’s not eloquent with his words.“Oh!” Baekhyun scrambles onto his knees, and leans his hands onto Jongin’s thighs. His face comes impossibly close to Jongin. “How is teacher Zhang’s disciple? Did you like talking to him?”“Yes,” Jongin says. He pushes Baekhyun away, a little, because one wrong move and their lips could touch. He gulps down a sliver of fear, his abdomen becomes a pit of fire. “Zitao is a good man. I liked talking to him.”His mind flashes with Zitao’s smile, at the welcome feast, then at his flushed face when Jongin called him pretty. Jongin likes Zitao a lot, actually. He’s great company, he’s easy to talk to, and silence is bearable around him. In fact, Jongin thinks he’s experienced comfortable silence only with him.“Good, good,” Baekhyun nods. He backs off, and Jongin breathes in fresh air after a long moment. “I like teacher Zhang too. He’s great.”“You just like that he jokes with you in the middle of a class.” Jongin teases. He’s taken aback when Baekhyun flushes further, his whole face red, and looks at the floor.“I like everything about him,” Baekhyun mutters. “He’s great.”“Yes, you’ve told me that four times now.” Jongin stays put when Baekhyun suddenly rolls onto his back and spreads his limbs out. There’s a long silence. When Jongin thinks maybe the prince fell asleep, Baekhyun lets out a loud, heavy sigh.“I’d like to sober up now, Jongin-ah.” The prince declares. He sits up straight, and crosses his legs. “Get me some tea and a lot of water.”Water is already ready. Jongin quickly crosses to the mattress closet, and brings out two jugs of water, one cold and one steaming hot. He brings the jugs, and tea set to in front of the prince. He pours one glass of cold water, passes it, and begins brewing hot tea.For a long time, Baekhyun alternates between hot tea and cold water to become sober. Jongin’s stomach sinks with dread. His prince likes to talk about serious things when his drunkenness disappears little by little. And sure enough, when Prince Baekhyun finishes his tea, he looks at Jongin with a grim look.“I don’t suppose you’ve figured out what it is you want to do,” he says.“Not yet,” Jongin responds. He refills Baekhyun’s cup of water. “Did you like the tea?”Baekhyun nods. “It’s very good.”“I’ll figure it out soon,” Jongin says. “I promise.”There’s another moment of silence. Jongin watches Baekhyun slowly drink up the water. When the glass touches the short table in front of him, he’s got tears in his eyes. He pursues his lips and looks Jongin in the eye. “Whatever you choose, Jongin-ah, make sure you’re not stuck with me. Okay?”“Stuck with you?”“You wouldn’t have this problem if you hadn’t met me,” Baekhyun says. He sighs. “You were so focused on becoming a scholar. And I—”“Baekhyun.” A flame leaps from his stomach, and wraps around his heart. Jongin tries to breathe through his anger, and looks his friend in the eyes. “I’m sorry but that’s a stupid conclusion you’ve come to.”“But think about it,” Baekhyun surges forward. He moves the table aside and moves closer to Jongin, on his knees, his voice drips with desperation when he says next. “If you hadn’t—”“I will stop you right here.” Jongin places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, and squeezes there. “You’ve opened my life to far more opportunities and privileges than I could ever imagine. A scholar’s child is mostly focused on getting the same job, there’s no other path for such children.”Baekhyun’s eyes shake, and Jongin’s gut sinks with a realisation: Baekhyun believes that he is the root of Jongin’s problem.He engulfs his friend in a hug. “Why are you like this,” he mutters. “You’ve done nothing but bring happiness to me, Baekhyun-ah.”They stay in that position for a long moment; the prince sits on his shins, but won’t let go. Jongin’s chest becomes warm, as if a small animal has settled on him.“I honestly thought I am the reason you can’t focus on one thing,” Baekhyun says against Jongin’s shoulder. “You know how I like to do multiple things at the same time.”“I know,” Jongin says. He sighs and holds his friend tighter. “But that’s not the problem, Baekhyun-hyung.”“Okay.”Before another long silence befalls, Jongin thinks of how focused Baekhyun is, when teacher Zhang was around. He chuckles.Baekhyun finally moves away from the hug and looks at his friend with a small smile of his own. “What?”“You do only one thing when teacher Zhang is around: laughing with him.”“Enough about him,” Baekhyun says, but his ears have turned red. He sits on the floor and crosses his legs loosely. “Haven’t we got other matters to talk about?”“ You couldn’t stop talking about him.” Jongin points out.“I was drunk,” Baekhyun says and shrugs. “I need to tell you something, Jongin-ah.”The seriousness of his tone shakes Jongin a little. He sits up straighter.“I will ask the King to appoint me as the Knight, when Byulyi-noona becomes the Queen.”Jongin’s stomach drops into his gut. A cavity of dread replaces it. He should refuse this, tell the prince it’s a terrible idea; he’s not healthy enough to be a knight. They have better people, like the Commander, or Prince Byunghee.Once the panic resides, Jongin notices the desperation in his friend’s eyes. He has so little to do every single day. Prince Byunghee and Princess Byulyi can’t sleep before sun rays peek above the horizon once again. Baekhyun hates it, has hated it for so long.“You should.” Jongin says. He takes a deep breath. “But you must be prepared to be rejected. Or worse, belittled for your thoughts.”Baekhyun nods. “I will first convince my siblings. I will go to the King with them.”— —Jongin accompanies Baekhyun to Princess Byulyi’s room. The two royal children meet every day for a lunch. It’s rumored that they fight during it, talk about politics, and even discuss strategies for when Byulyi becomes the Queen.He stays behind Baekhyun when they reach the door. The doorkeeper stops the youngest prince, and enters the room. He comes back a few moments later.“Princess Byulyi and Prince Byunghee will meet you after their lunch.” He says.“No,” Baekhyun says, his voice calm. “I will meet them right now.”He steps forward and the doorkeeper immediately moves aside. His eyes flash fear when Jongin passes by him, but there’s very little you can do when the prince wishes to go somewhere.Both siblings are seated at a short, wide table. There are several dishes in front of them, and—to Jongin’s complete surprise—eating in silence. They only glance at Baekhyun when he enters, and Princess Byulyi is the first to speak.“We asked you to wait.” She takes a bite of rice and finally looks up from the table of food. “Why are you so impatient, Baekhyun-ah?”“I have something important to discuss with both of you.”Prince Byunghee snorts. “Why?”“I want your support.” Baekhyun reaches the table and sits between his elder siblings. He steals a thin piece of fish. “I come with a plea.”Neither of them respond to anything he says. Jongin sits on his shins, behind Baekhyun, and watches nervously. His lips become dry ever so often, and he sticks his tongue out to wet them again and again.“I want your support when I ask our father to consider me for the Knight’s position.”Prince Byunghee pauses and looks at Baekhyun. Princess Byulyi continues eating.“My health has been consistently fine for over three years now. I know all war strategies. I can fight for as long as a common soldier can. I will be good at my job.”“What if I want to be the Knight?” Prince Byunghee asks. He’s often unkind when politics are involved, but not today. Or maybe not in front of Byulyi. His voice remains steady, if a bit concerned.“Then we fight for the position,” Baekhyun says. Jongin’s gut forms a cavity all over again, his heart gets wrapped in despair. Baekhyun is not capable of winning against Prince Byunghee.“Why don’t you want to become the King?” Princess Byulyi asks. She finally looks at his youngest brother. Her cheeks are stuffed with rice. “Why stop at a Knight?”“Everyone knows you’re the most suitable for such responsibilities.” Baekhyun snorts. “You just want to hear me praise you.”“No, Baekhyun-ah. I don’t see why you’d want to stop at a Knight’s position, if you believe you’re capable enough to fight Byunghee for it?”She wants to know where Baekhyun’s loyalty lies. Prince Byunghee is a great threat to her position already. Two siblings against her, in a coup, isn’t ideal.“Why would I want a position that can kill me in the matter of a few weeks?” Baekhyun says.Anguish squeezes Jongin’s chest. He wants to stop Baekhyun, tell him it’s a horrible idea. Why would you serve your head on a platter? He doesn’t want to lose his friend, not for something as meager as a Knight’s position.Yet, Jongin is frozen in his place, because of the lack of—well, lack of everything in this situation. He can’t speak, he can’t express his grief. He must simply sit here, listen to everything, and defend Prince Baekhyun if there is an attack.“You will fight Byunghee,” Princess Byulyi says. “Fifteen days from today. And if you win, we will put forth the idea in front of our father, and convince him to make you the Knight.”A strange noise fills Jongin’s mouth. He thinks he’ll whimper, if he opens his mouth, or whine, or sob. He presses his lips together and glances at Prince Byunghee. He’s not shocked, but there’s surprise on his face. Baekhyun hasn’t moved an inch, though. Jongin thinks his eyes must be wide, or at least he looks confused.“All you have to do is make Byunghee drop his sword. But, he will not stop just because you’ve dropped yours. You can try for as long as you want.” How is that fair? Jongin wants to scream. It’s not a fair game at all. Baekhyun could end up with a sword through his chest, if Prince Byunghee feels vengeful enough. But Princess Byulyi is giving Baekhyun a good chance to defeat his brother too.Jongin looks down at his hands on his lap. They’re fists now, his knuckles leave white impressions when he loosens his grip. His hands throb a bit.Refuting this offer would make either of the princes look bad. This game isn’t just, but it toes the line between bias and complete objective perspective and Princess Byulyi is playing all her cards right.“I accept the challenge,” Byunghee says, after a long moment of silence. Jongin looks up to find him smug, as if he’d rather see Baekhyun die in his own hands.Baekhyun lets out a sigh. “I too accept the challenge, then.”— —When they enter Baekhyun’s room, Jongin closes the door behind him, and sits with his forehead on the door.“I can do this, Jongin-ah.”Baekhyun has mastered everything there is to learn, for a soldier. But Prince Byunghee has an advantage over him. He has more experience, he’s taught by people that died before Baekhyun was born. But there has to be a way for Baekhyun to win.“Why aren’t you looking at me?”Prince Byunghee definitely has something for weakness. Baekhyun should work on that. Yes. But how— he will figure it out. Maybe he can stalk Prince Byunghee every day, when he’s practicing. Or, or, he will beg Kyung to reveal something about Prince Byunghee. Yes, that woman likes him. Maybe a bit of groveling can work. He will—“Jongin!”Jongin jerks, draws his sword and runs to stand in front of Baekhyun. He stares at empty space in front of him for a second, and lets out a sigh. He turns around, sheathing his sword, and glares at Baekhyun.“Don’t ever do that again.” “You weren’t listening to me.” Baekhyun pouts. He steps closer and holds Jongin’s hands. “I have a plan. Don’t worry about me.”“I will do whatever I want,” Jongin snaps and shakes his friend’s hands away. “Why would— You have to win, and you have to win it without any severe injuries.”“Yes,” Baekhyun says. “I have a plan.”Jongin stares at him for a long moment, lips pursed, and scrutinizes every inch of his friend’s face. What plan? Why isn’t he sharing it?“What plan?”There is a moment of hesitation from Prince Baekhyun. Jongin watches him lick his lips, his eyes shake a bit when they look at Jongin. “I will ask teacher Zhang for help.”Right. Yes, right! Teacher Zhang and Zitao can help! He will go ask Zitao about it. He seems to be a nice person, he will surely agree. But he must go prepared. He’ll keep a pouch of gold coins, and prepare a long speech about everything he can do in return for this favour. Yes.“Jongin.” Baekhyun shakes him by the shoulder, he snaps out of his mind.“That’s a very good idea, hyung.” Jongin says. He engulfs Baekhyun in a hug, and squeezes the prince tight in his arms. He holds onto his friend, until he’s convinced of the current truth: Baekhyun is alive, he is breathing, and he’s happy.When they part, Jongin’s shoulders sag in relief to find a beaming smile on Baekhyun’s face. “I will go ask teacher Zhang, on your behalf.”“No.” Baekhyun lets out a shaky breath. “This is important to me. I will ask him. Without you.”A pang of ache hits Jongin’s chest. “Okay. When?”“Tomorrow.”“Shouldn’t we start from today? This is technically the first of the fifteen days you get.”Baekhyun nods slightly. “I know. But we have his class in a few moments. And something tells me he doesn’t sleep well.”Jongin doesn’t understand but he nods with the prince anyway. There must be a plan behind this too.— —But Jongin is anxious to get some sort of confirmation. That teacher Zhang will help Baekhyun. So, while Baekhyun gets dressed for his classes, and collects his notes (that are random stray papers), he sneaks out.He hurries to what he assumes is Zitao’s room. The guards that came with teacher Zhang don’t speak their language. So he asks each one ‘Zitao?’ and they point him in different directions.In the room’s hallway, there’s no doorkeeper. He pauses in front of the door, unsure about what to do. Does he voice his presence, and wait for Zitao to respond? Or does he pat the wall? Or does he open the door?He holds the edge of the door, and takes a deep breath. Maybe, if there’s no doorkeeper, Zitao isn’t even in the room at the moment.Jongin slides the door open and says, “Zitao-ssi—”He squeaks when he finds Kim Junmyeon straddling Zitao, hunched over the taller man, and kissing him. He slides the door closed and backs away until his back hits the wall behind.His heartbeat roars in his ears, heart pounds against his ribcage, and his face heats up unexpectedly.The door slides open, Zitao steps out while fixing his hair, and looks at Jongin, unimpressed.“I’m so sorry,” Jongin says. He immediately gets on his knees and bows. “I thought you weren’t in your room and opened the door. Please forgive me.”He can’t let this mishap affect Baekhyun. No. Surely there’s enough gold in the pouch to—“Get up, Jongin-ssi,” Zitao says. He seems relatively calm, although his voice comes out more high-pitched then Jongin remembers.“Jongin-ssi,” comes another voice.Jongin finally looks up, and finds Kim Junmyeon, standing between him and Zitao. He looks serious, while Zitao is trying to hide a smile behind the shorter man.“Please get up.”He raises, but keeps his head bowed. He will do anything to make sure teacher Zhang will help Baekhyun. “I’m very sorry.”“It’s all right,” Junmyeon says. “Please look at me.”Jongin looks at Junmyeon and he’s relieved to see Junmyeon’s worried face. Behind him, Zitao is curiously looking at Jongin.He opens his mouth but stops when Junmyeon does too. He gestures to him with his hands. “Please.”“I don’t know what you think of this,” Junmyeon starts. “And I will not care. But—”“I came here to ask for help.” Jongin cuts him off. He cringes at his impatience. But Baekhyun. “I just want to ask Zitao for help.”He looks over Junmyeon’s shoulder, and Zitao finally steps aside, a frown on his face. “What kind of help?”“It’s a long story.” Jongin says. He looks at Junmyeon. “I do not think anything of this. If you could please let me talk to Zitao in private.”Junmyeon looks at him for a long moment, unsure probably. Zitao places a hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder—a gesture far more intimate than Jongin is used to—and he steps aside. He sighs. “I will be inside.”He glances at Zitao before he goes into the room and closes the door behind him. Once he is gone, Jongin grabs Zitao’s hands. “Please come with me.”They go to the back of the castle again, among the trees. Jongin finds a thick tree, stands under it, and asks his companion. “Do you know how to climb?”Zitao snorts and starts climbing the tree. Jongin follows him. Once they settle on a sturdy branch, Jongin tells him everything: about the challenge, about Baekhyun’s idea, about Baekhyun’s illness.“He will ask teacher Zhang for help tomorrow.” Jongin turns his head to look at Zitao. “Can you please persuade teacher Zhang to help him?”Zitao smiles suddenly, brilliant and childlike. “I won’t need to, Jongin-ssi. He will say yes.”“Even... Even without knowing all this?”Zitao nods. “He helped me without knowing anything about me at all. I was a wanderer’s son, before I met him. He had recently finished studying under Junmyeon-hyung’s father. I asked if he’d teach me something. Anything at all. He said yes.”Jongin’s eyes widen. He’s shocked. Surprised too. “Anything?”“He likes teaching people.” Zitao says. “He likes sharing even more.”“If only people here were like that.” Jongin mutters.“He’s not without faults, Jongin-ssi.”“Of course,” he sighs. “So far from what I’ve seen, he feels like a God, Zitao-ssi.”They share a chuckle before silence takes over. Zitao’s presence gives him immense comfort, as if he holds all the secrets of the world, of the past, present, and future.“I thought of him as God too,” Zitao murmurs. A strong wind rustles through; the leaves shake, and for a moment, Jongin thinks Zitao will disappear with the wind. He looks at peace; satisfied. He continues after the gust of wind dies, “I kept asking him to teach me more. More martial arts, more philosophy, more of everything. Every time I asked him, I thought: he will refuse this time. He will say I’m too much and stop being my master. But he says yes, even if I’m unsure if I want the path.”Jongin’s heartbeat quickens. Suddenly, Zitao does have answers. All the answers to Jongin’s questions. There is a way, and Zitao can help him find it. Or show him the way.“Zitao-ssi,” Jongin starts, his voice shaky. “How do you chase everything that you want?”Zitao finally turns to meet Jongin’s eyes. The world around Jongin, once again, disappears, but this time Jongin searches for answers. He looks at Zitao’s eyes, then at his perfect, cute nose, then at his parted lips. Then, Jongin realizes Zitao’s grip on the branch is tight. His veins are visible, and each digit seems perfect by itself. Zitao’s whole hand grips with certainty. Jongin wants that for himself.“I just do.” Zitao says. “Whatever I want, I will chase it until I’m happy and then chase another thing.”Jongin looks away from his companion’s hand and looks at his own feet, dangling a few meters above the ground. “What if you have multiple things you want to chase?”“I chase them.”“ How do you chase them?” The answer shouldn’t be this simple. It doesn’t feel this easy when he tries.“Jongin-ssi, what is your real question?”He sighs heavily, and begins to unburden himself in front of Zitao. “I want to be good at what I do. I want to be a great soldier, someone who can protect Baekhyun even if the world is dying. I want to have all the knowledge of world, about elements and what they do, about herbs that cure diseases and symptoms of poisons, and I—”“I will tell you what Junmyeon-hyung and my master say, when I am like this,” Zitao says. Jongin looks up to meet his eyes, and he nods. “You can do all of them. But, it must happen one at a time. Think and choose which one makes you happy, and work on it until you’re satisfied. Then, you pick the next one that makes you happy.”“But what if I want all of them at the same time?”Zitao snorts. “Grow an equal number of hands and legs and heads. Only then can you do all of them at the same time.”“But I want to do everything,” Jongin says petulantly. He thinks he would’ve stomped his feet if they were on the ground.“You can do everything you want,” Zitao grumbles. “Jongin, knowledge won’t run from you. If you want to study herbs, you can do it, right now or tomorrow. Nobody can force you to do otherwise.”Now it’s Jongin’s turn to snort. “My father can.”“What makes you happy, Jongin-ssi?”“Baekhyun.” Jongin replies. His face heats up, but he’s not embarrassed. “I care about him a lot.”“Then choose him. For now, at least.” Zitao smiles, the same brilliant and child-like smile from before. “I’m sure he would let you leave, if you became unhappy.”“What if he gets sick of me? We’ve been friends since I was twelve, and he was fifteen.”Zitao wilts a bit. “I don’t know.”For a long moment, Jongin’s mind is blank. He is less worried now, but Zitao’s answer nags him, like a piece of skin raised from its place, waiting to be plucked, but his fingers can’t get a hold of it. He remembers his first conversation with Zitao, at the back of the class.“What did you mean when you said that your relationship with Junmyeon-ssi is special, Zitao-ssi?” He realizes, now, that Zitao did mean ‘special’ and not ‘different.’ It’s comforting to know this piece of information, and Jongin holds it tight to his chest.The topic of Junmyeon, or their relationship, makes his company beam brightly. His legs begin swinging as he talks. “It’s special to me. Junmyeon-hyung and I share a lot of things. I feel more like myself when I’m around him. I can say anything that comes to my mind around him, even if it’s related to a disgusting topic. I know he will love me, regardless of our situation. And I know I will love him, forever.”That’s so wonderful, Jongin thinks. He savors Zitao’s beaming face, his canines look sharper in his smile, and he looks like a baby deer.“That’s very special,” Jongin says. “I wish happiness to you both.”“Thank you,” Zitao says. His legs continue swinging, carefree, and Jongin gently sways his own legs.It’s joyous to swing legs, while on a tree branch, like a little kid. Jongin can’t remember the last time he did this, or the last time he felt calm when he was on a tree.“We should get back to the class,” Jongin says. He doesn’t make to move, though. He only looks at Zitao, resting his chin on his shoulder. “The class must be halfway over already.”“It’s already halfway done, so let’s just stay here.” Zitao giggles. “I love this place, Jongin-ssi. Can I come here, until we’re staying at the castle?”“Of course!” Jongin wiggles himself closer to Zitao and swings one leg over, so he straddles the tree branch. “Here, sit like this. Let’s play a game I loved as a kid.”When Zitao turns, Jongin asks, “How old are you?”“Twenty-three.”“Can I call you Zitao?”Zitao chuckles. “Yes.”— —They return to the class, a few moments before teacher Zhang concludes his lecture, and Baekhyun keeps glancing at him with wide eyes and a happy smile.As soon as teacher Zhang pauses, Baekhyun bolts to Jongin. Baekhyun whispers, “I asked him, and he said yes!”“That’s great,” Jongin whispers back. “When do you start?”“Tonight!” Baekhyun’s mouth opens as if to let out a squeal, but nothing comes out. He jumps in his spot for a moment, and stops when teacher Zhang approaches them.Jongin bows to him.“I see you’ve decided to not show up to my classes at all,” he says, a teasing smile on his face. “And you stole my dear student away for it.”“I’m sorry,” Jongin says, and bows again.Teacher Zhang laughs and playfully pushes at Jongin’s shoulder. “I was teasing, Jongin-ssi. But I’d appreciate it if you don’t take him away too frequently in the future. He wants to learn.”“I won’t,” Jongin promises.“I thought I was your dear student, teacher Zhang,” Baekhyun teases. He moves closer to Yixing, as if he’ll cling onto the elder’s shoulder, but he keeps his hands to himself. “Oh the betrayal~”“You will be my dear student if you pass the test,” Teacher Zhang teases right back. “Until then, it’s Taozi.”Zitao giggles from behind Jongin. “That’s a tough position to reach, Prince Baekhyun.”“Watch out, Zitao-ssi,” Baekhyun says, but his words have no bite.— —The first night of training, teacher Zhang evaluates Baekhyun’s level. He names drills one after the other, ruthless in his demands, and Baekhyun tirelessly shows him. He performs every drill with the same strength as if it’s his first one. The fire in his eyes never dims and Jongin finds himself proud of Baekhyun.After almost one and a half hours, teacher Zhang asks him to take a break. Jongin rushes to him with a jug of water and a dry cloth.“Once you’ve rested enough,” Teacher Zhang says. He looms over Baekhyun when he stands, not enough to be intimidating, just commanding enough. “You will have a sword fight with Taozi.”Baekhyun, for the first time, looks shaken. “With him?”“Yes,” Teacher Zhang smiles at him, and nods. “Take as long as you need to rest. But we will end today after you’ve fought him.”Jongin shares a glance with his friend, and he opens his mouth to say something, but teacher Zhang beats him to it. “Jongin-ssi, I need your help with something.”He leaves water and the cloth with Baekhyun and they move away from him. Teacher Zhang leans towards him like a conspirator, and says, “can you prepare some items for Baekhyun’s training?”“Yes.”“Great!” Teacher Zhang claps. “Please arrange as much light wood and uncut firewood as you can. I will need the wood tomorrow, and for everything else, I will ask Taozi to accompany you to gather and help you make what we need. Is that fine with you?”“Of course,” Jongin says.“Thank you. Please get some firewood right now.”Jongin doesn’t understand why teacher Zhang hurries him, but he leaves anyway. It must be important.He doesn’t find a lot of firewood, unfortunately. He returns with an armful of firewood, stolen from the kitchen, and finds Baekhyun and Zitao on the ground, swords aside.He approaches the trio, and curiously looks at both of his friends’ faces. Baekhyun is breathing heavily, his face covered in sweat. Zitao looks tired, his face has a light sheen of sweat, but he’s not breathing as hard.“Did you finish the fight already?” He asks Baekhyun. Baekhyun nods in response, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. “Are you all right, hyung?”“I’m dying,” Baekhyun huffs.“He’ll be fine,” Teacher Zhang chirps. “Can you make a fire, Jongin-ssi?”Turns out, today’s wood is to spend more time out in the dark. They sit around the fire Jongin builds, and teacher Zhang tells him all the observations he’s made. Baekhyun’s weaknesses, his strengths, what could use more training. Jongin nervously sits through it all, his eyes dart at every shadow the fire casts. Maybe speaking about all of this in such an open space is a bad idea. What if someone hears it all? What if Prince Byunghee uses it to his advantage?“Teacher Zhang,” Jongin starts when the elder takes a pause. “Is it okay to discuss this in an open space? What if someone eavesdrops?”“Everything will still go as planned,” Teacher Zhang says. “You don’t have to worry, Jongin-ssi. And you may call me ‘hyung’ if you’d like. If you’re no longer attending my classes, that is.”“Can I call you hyung?” Baekhyun butts in. A mischievous smile appears on his face. “Junmyeon-ssi will teach from tomorrow. I’m also no longer attending your classes!”Yixing laughs when Baekhyun pouts at him. “Only under one condition, Baekhyun-ah: you will listen to everything I say, regardless of what you call me.”“Yes! Yes, hyung, I will do everything you say.”Jongin forces out a laugh with everyone else. His chest feels hollow, for some reason. Empty, with someone stabbing him with a knife from the inside.— —From the next training session, Jongin’s time is spent away from Baekhyun. He’s asked to make dolls out of hay and wood. Zitao helps him with it, shows him how to carve a head out of a piece of wood, and how to tie a bunch of hay with a single string. They sit in Jongin’s room and work towards making as many dolls as possible.They chat when Jongin gets the hang of what to do. It’s mostly about Jongin’s childhood, Zitao’s childhood, what they like, and what they don’t like. Jongin is surprised to find Zitao’s interests are very similar to his, but they’re completely different at the same time.Jongin likes studying war strategies, of different ways one can attack with thousands of people. He likes the intricate details of it, of how each soldier needs to be won over. Zitao likes to study the human body, in what ways they can be cured of disease, or killed. Those topics are surprisingly similar.When there’s an unexpected lull in the conversation, Jongin finds himself thinking of the way Zitao was straddled by Junmyeon, being kissed. His mind brings it up ever so often, when there’s nothing else to occupy his mind.Promptly, his face heats up, and Jongin tries to stop thinking about it. But it only gets stronger. He thinks of what other things they do together. Do they share a bed? Do they... make love on the bed? Does Zitao enjoy—“What are you thinking about?” Zitao asks. When Jongin meets his eyes, he giggles, and Jongin is embarrassed even further.“Nothing,” Jongin says, looking away.“You’re all red,” he says, and places a hand on Jongin’s cheek. “See! Your face is burning!”“It’s nothing, Zitao!” Jongin is sure he shouldn’t yell, but his pitch rises unexpectedly. The more his friend observes him, the more embarrassed he feels. “My face gets hot sometimes.”“You were thinking about something,” Zitao presses. He moves closer, so their knees are touching, and he bumps their shoulders together. “Come on, tell me. Were you thinking about Prince Baekhyun?”That gives him an image of him being under Baekhyun, which is not helpful.“No,” Jongin says, and glares at Zitao. “Make the doll. I wasn’t thinking about anything.”“I won’t until you tell me something about what you were thinking about.” Zitao holds up his doll and it’s already over. “I’m done with this one. Come on, Jongin-ah. Aren’t I your friend now?”Jongin grumbles. That’s true. “It’s embarrassing.”“That’s okay.”“I was thinking about... attraction.” It’s not the truth, but he’d rather talk about this right now, Jongin thinks. “Baekhyun seems to like Yixing-hyung a lot.”“Right?! I didn’t know he liked my master until yesterday.”“He only talks about Yixing-hyung in his free time,” Jongin snorts. “He pretends he doesn’t like hyung when I tell him so.”Zitao laughs heartily. “Since yesterday, I wonder if he’ll try to court him. Or at least kiss him.”Baekhyun has never courted anyone, not officially at least. And honestly, Jongin hasn’t seen him kiss anyone. Every time Baekhyun brought up the topic of women, Jongin would get flustered and cry. They’ve not really talked about it. Everything Jongin knows is from erotic stories Baekhyun liked to sneak in. They’re still buried underground, near the castle’s forest.“Have you kissed Baekhyun?”Jongin sputters. “What?”“You said you both have been friends since you were young,” Zitao says. As if that explains the question. Jongin stares at him with more confusion. He gets a shrug in response. “I thought you both were close.”“We are,” Jongin hurries to say. “We’re not... that close, I suppose. I don’t know about him, but I haven’t kissed anyone.”“He hasn’t told you if he kissed anyone?”“I... cried every time he’d bring up anything related to women and sex.” Jongin admits. His pride hurts, but Zitao doesn’t seem cruel, only curious.“Junmyeon-hyung tells me if he kissed anyone else.”“He does?”Zitao nods. “Why did you cry?”“I never learnt how to react to it.” Jongin cringes. In reality, he wasn’t sure how to approach the topic. Baekhyun was always too enthusiastic, and the erotic stories made it seem like he should know as soon as he saw a woman. But Jongin has looked at many women and none of them make him feel anything. Nobody makes him feel anything.“React to what?”“To anything. How am I supposed to ask someone if they’ll kiss me? How should I even kiss anyone?” Jongin sighs. “I don’t know anything.”“It’s really easy!” Zitao drops the doll next to him, and sits in front of Jongin, an eager smile on his face. “Just like this: Can I kiss you, Jongin?”Jongin’s heart leaps to his throat, his eyes widen. He’s not sure. “Are you serious?”“Yes,” Zitao nods promptly. “Can I?”“O-okay.” Jongin isn’t sure where this is going, but his heart is pounding against his ribcage. He feels frozen in his seat. “I don’t know what to do.”“When they say yes,”— Zitao’s hand curls on Jongin’s neck, and he brings their heads closer— “you kiss them.”Zitao’s lips press against Jongin’s and he’s still frozen. He doesn’t remember much from the stories. In fact, they barely had anything about kissing.“You can kiss me too,” Zitao says when he moves away. “Copy what I do with my mouth. And close your eyes, Jongin-ah.”Jongin closes his eyes and tries to copy what Zitao does. It feels funny, if he’s being honest. But it’s also nice. He feels cared for, as Zitao keeps pulling him closer and closer. Soon, there’s very little space between them. Jongin is under Zitao, strange noises spilling from his mouth when Zitao’s tongue prods past his lips.It’s strange, but Jongin keeps kissing Zitao because it feels like Zitao will hold him, even if he cries.When Zitao moves away, Jongin’s lips throb a bit. He opens his eyes and looks at his friend, who’s peering at him curiously. “Did you like it?”“I did,” Jongin’s voice cracks a bit, and tears form in his eyes. “But it was weird too?”“I get it.” Zitao nods. “Are you okay?”“I’m fine,” Jongin says. He wipes his tears away with his robe’s sleeve. “I’m a little overwhelmed.”“Do you want to do it again?”Jongin considers the question for a long moment. Zitao waits patiently for his response. “I think so. But after we make a few more dolls?”Zitao beams and engulfs Jongin in a hug. “Okay.”— —When they return, Baekhyun is already done with the day’s training. He’s drenched in sweat, and looks exhausted. Jongin’s stomach flutters when Baekhyun calls him as soon as they’re near.“I’ve missed you so much,” Baekhyun whines. “I didn’t have anyone to express my despair to.”“You’ll be fine,” Yixing chuckles. “Jongin-ssi, keep three pillows under his legs when he goes to bed, and apply some ointment on his hands and feet as soon as you get there.”Jongin carries Baekhyun on his back, because the prince cannot seem to walk more than two steps without tripping over nothing.“It was nice,” Baekhyun says as they’re going to his room. “I felt challenged after so long, Jonginie.”“That’s a relief,” Jongin says. He listens to everything his friend is saying, but his mind keeps drifting to kissing Zitao. He wonders if Baekhyun has kissed anyone, what his mouth looks and feels like, when he’s kissing someone.“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Jongin gently lowers himself, and lets Baekhyun slide down his back.Baekhyun lies on the floor with his limbs spread out. “You can.”“Have you kissed anyone before?”Baekhyun lifts his head, eyes wide with surprise. “Are you really Kim Jongin?”“Hyung,” Jongin whines. “Answer my question. Don’t embarrass me.”The prince sits up, crossing his legs. “I have. Why?”“Nothing,” Jongin says. “I was just curious.”— —Next day, Jongin has to help Zitao build a doll that is attached to a rope, and can be moved around. Jongin is more distracted today, for some reason. He messes up two doll heads, several dolls’ bodies, and he’s preoccupied by questions he wants to ask Zitao.“Pay attention,” Zitao scolds gently. He frowns, but Jongin can’t take him seriously yet.He sets aside the doll and crawls over to Zitao, shoving some ready dolls and some half-made ones aside. He sits in front of his friend, a fire in his gut. “Zitao, can I kiss you?”Zitao pauses his work, and looks at Jongin, a cute smile on his face. “What about the dolls?”“I will make them as soon as we’re done,” Jongin promises.“Okay,” Zitao laughs. He sets aside the doll in his lap, and Jongin curls his hand around Zitao’s neck, like he did yesterday, and pulls him into a kiss.It’s difficult to breathe while kissing, so Jongin parts from Zitao many times, just to take a deep breath and continue kissing. He crawls on top of Zitao, pushing him to lie on the ground, and plays with his hair while Zitao’s hands move all over his body.Jongin likes this a lot. He thinks he might enjoy this more than practicing his sword skills.“Uh,” Jongin starts, moving away from Zitao for a long moment. Zitao looks wonderful under him, and now, he understands why Junmyeon was on the top. “How long do you think this will take?”“Kissing?”“The dolls,” Jongin says. He leans down and kisses Zitao before he gets an answer. Yesterday, he felt taken care of. Today, Jongin wants to take care of Zitao.“Three hours,” Zitao says. “At least.”Jongin giggles. “Great. Can we keep doing this?”