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The space-ark Camelot is on an intergalactic journey to establish a new colony on the planet Albion. Society lives and dies on Camelot, hosting an estimated ten generations of citizens throughout the journey. Humanity flourished on the ark, despite knowing that they were living their entire lives for a future none of them would see.The fourth generation of Camelot’s captains is Uther Pendragon, who is raising the sixth captain-to-be, Arthur. Arthur had spent his entire life confined to the upper courters of the ark, being kept company by his servant and best friend, Merlin, and his blue pet alien hedgehog, Sonic. They spent their days and nights joined by the hip, laughing and playing throughout the upper courters of the ark. Arthur made the mistake, though, of one day holding Merlin’s hand in the sight of his father.He ordered them apart and shouted, “What in the goddamn shit hell is this gay shit? Get away from my son you freak!”Arthur was whisked away by his carers and he never saw Merlin again. It has been eighteen years since that day. Now, Arthur is a full-time captain in training.One day, as part of his training, Arthur ventures to the lower courters of the ark for the first time. He has been ordered to do some technical shit (idk I’m not an astronaut). He looked, and quite honestly felt, completely pompous and out of place. Followed by his blue pet hedgehog alien Sonic, he wandered around aimlessly searching for (technical shit).All the way at the end of an alley was a dim shop with the sign “GAIUS’ TATTOO SHOP” It was the only place left to check, so he strolled in looking like a fucking idiot. Lo and behold, inside the shop was his long-lost best friend, Merlin. Merlin looked older now, obviously, and he was partially tatted up. Sonic meowed behind him.Merlin looked up at the meow to see Arthur looking like a bumbling silly goose hushing the blue alien behind him. Despite how different he looked, he still had the same eyes he remembered staring into as a child. They used to play a game where they would see how long they could go staring at each other before one blinked. Merlin always won, somehow.“Can I help you?” Merlin didn’t seem to show any sign of recognizing Arthur, or if he did, he was doing a damn good job of hiding it.“Hi,” Arthur said breathlessly, “Um, I’m looking for (a technical thing that is most certainly not here). But- I mean it's definitely not here.. obviously,” he backs up, somewhat missing the door, and hitting the wall on his way, “It's cool seeing you though, thank you?” He didn’t know what he was thanking him for.Merlin just sort of watches him exit with a skeptical, yet amused look on his face. “You know, I actually do know where that is,” he pauses, standing up, “if you want some help?”Did he get taller? Obviously, he got taller, Arthur knows everyone gets taller when they grow, but he seems taller. And more muscular. Did he work out? When did he start working out? Sonic meows again.“Yes- uh yeah, that would be nice. Thank you.”Internally, Arthur’s entire being is a collective, holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit.And so, Merlin passes Arthur through the door and leads him away to (a technical place that Merlin knows). Arthur makes a mental note that he smells nice. Not that he was smelling him. He was just breathing in as he passed and it was a tight doorway.“How have you been, Arthur?” Holy shit he remembers him. And he wants to know how he has been.This is groundbreaking for Arthur. So much so that he forgets to reply. Sonic fucking just socks him directly in the soft part behind the knee and makes him stumble. Great, now he looks even more like an idiot. Arthur isn’t actually stupid, he’s very smart and capable. He is just stunted from an isolated childhood and being closeted for his entire life. Not that he knows it, that’s just info between us.Merlin glances at him tripping and puts his arm out to stop him. Arthur uses him to steady himself, “I’ve been great! Yeah, great. It’s been, you know, training and everything.” Merlin doesn’t quite look convinced, but he doesn’t comment on it.“Well, you look great.” He thinks he looks great. Holy shit.“You, you look great too. You got tall and buff.” Why the fuck did he just say that? Who in their right mind says that? You got tall and buff what the fuck? Arthur is dying inside. His cheeks are heating up. Sonic is meowing again. What the hell is going on?Merlin laughs a real, hearty laugh that hasn’t changed at all. It's a beautiful sound. “Thank you. Gaius got me working in his tattoo shop a few years ago, I figured the more muscle I build, the more space I have to tattoo.” Merlin’s shoulder touches Arthur’s and he becomes aware of how terribly close they are walking. It's an old habit creeping back in, them being joined at the hip. Arthur guesses things never really die.They make it to the (technical thing), which happens to be a closet. Arthur sighs in relief, thanking Merlin for the help. He flips a switch, which is literally all he had to do by the way, and his mission is complete. A trip that should’ve only taken twenty minutes at most has now spanned up to two hours. Uther will be proud (he won’t).Arthur turns around to where Merlin is leaning against the hallway wall, waiting for him to finish doing whatever in the shit hell he is doing. Arthur begins to thank him– but before he can, he hears the sounds of people coming their way. He pulls Merlin into the closet with him and shuts the door.As the people come closer, Merlin is trying to ask what in the goddamn shit hell is going on. Finally, they hear people outside the door. They can’t quite make out what they are saying, but they hear Sonic meow desperately. And then the sounds fade away as they leave. Those were probably Ark Officers, taking what they assume to be a lost Sonic back to the upper courters. Did you really think I was gonna put Sonic in danger?“Sorry,” Arthur says, “I panicked.” He goes to open the door, but it only opens from the outside. Whatever will they do?! “Um.” Merlin does not look happy.“Did you just lock us in a closet, Arthur?” Merlin says, deadpan. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Oh, man.“Not intentionally.”“Nice one, cockalorum.” What? What is a cockalorum? Is that Latin?“You can’t call me that, Merlin. We’re not kids anymore.”“What are you gonna do? Unlock the door and snitch on me to your daddy?” Ouch. That kinda hurt. He doesn’t blame Merlin though, it's not like his father exactly treated Merlin well. Uther doesn’t treat people well, that's part of being captain. (sad daddy issue noises)“I’m sorry. For the closet and also everything that happened when we were kids. You didn’t deserve that.” He shifts uncomfortably, trying to give Merlin space, even though they are confined to each other's personal space.Merlin looks up at him, they make lasting eye contact for the first time since before. Thoughts and feelings rush back from their childhood. Things that Uther had worked hard to remove from him. He glances down at Merlin’s lips. Have they always looked like that? He looks back up to see Merlin doing the same thing.Before he can even think, Merlin leans in and kisses him.fade to black sorry im homophobicAfter they make out for like an hour or two in the closet. Merlin uses his magic to open the door. What in the goddamn shit hell. First of all, witchcraft? Second of all, we could’ve gotten out two hours ago? Not that Arthur really cared to, but he does feel a bit deceived.Blah blah blah Arthur finds out Morgana is his sister and Morgana and Gwen are lesbians btw they eject Uther from the ship and Arthur opens a floral shop next to the tattoo shop they lived happily ever after while gay and Arthur works out his trauma with the ark therapist and then eventually they all die and the ark moves on and nobody cares k bye.
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It is about maybe nine months later. So many babies have been born. That isn’t relevant I’m just saying. Arthur is less stupid and more slay, Merlin is still mysteriously buff but he drinks chocolate-flavored space protein powder shakes that Gaius makes. Sonic still meows frequently.Arthur has met Merlin’s bestie Gwen, who is a lesbian btw. And then he meets her girlfriend Morgana who is kinda mysterious gothic and she has the same DNA vibes as Arthur. So they play rock-paper-scissors and they both put down scissors, and that's how they knew they were siblings.“What in the absolute shit fuck this is crazy!” Arthur was mind-boggled. He thought for sure he was the top-tier nepotic privilege baby on the ship and now he’s gay AND a younger brother. Morgana was pissed.She lived her entire life having raging daddy issues and other mental health problems that may or may not be related to her upbringing, and now she finds out it all could’ve been avoided if Uther wasn’t a cunt?Well, they were not just going to take that. Gwen and Morgana used their super smart lesbian brains to figure out a plan to k*ll Uther. They lured him up into an evacuation chamber thingy and Merlin used his magic to open the doors and eject Uther. Then, they watched his vacuum-suffocated body float by, cheering gayly. Sonic meowed so loud, homie was living his best life.And then he meowed so hard he died. So they had a cute little Viking funeral for him and honored him for being such a hero (he literally didn’t do anything).Then Arthur gave up his spot as captain to Morgana and she was a badass captain. They made Camelot a lot better and less class separated. They did a bunch of cool political shit. I don't know use your imagination.Then Arthur bought out a floral shop right next to Gaius’ Tattoos and used it as an excuse to live out a centuries-old trope with Merlin.They didn’t get married because Morgana abolished the barbaric tradition of “marriage,” but they did live out the rest of their lives meowing in memory of Sonic and being stupid fucking homos with absolutely no lives whatsoever. There were so many cut to blacks according to the lore.And then like a few decades later they were MURDERED by Stephen Hawking Jr Jr, Arthur’s forgotten long-lost enemy who is a total baddie, and they were cremated and their ashes were frozen in a cool little cryo-chamber thingy next to Sonic.The End.Morgana and Gwen don’t die btw Lesbians can’t do thatmeoowww