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“Mamimi, you’re… Homeless?” The brunette girl before me turns around with a somewhat puzzled expression on her face. She has just informed me of her true living situation, something I have wondered for a while now but was too afraid to ask. She has just told me that ever since her parents got their divorce, and neither would take her into their homes, she has been wandering the streets of Mabase, occasionally couch surfing, but sometimes having to sleep under the very bridge we are under now. Mamimi brings her camera up to take a photo of me, and after she does so, she says, “Takkun, you can’t really be that surprised, can you? I thought it was obvious.” “Nothing is obvious with you,” I coolly shoot back. Mamimi simply shrugs at this. Now I am beginning to feel... Guilty. Like a bad friend. All the times she has asked to stay over, all the nights it has stormed, and the nights the temperature has dropped below freezing… I do let her stay over sometimes, but now, all those “no’s” I have given her over the last several months are weighing heavily on my mind. I meant it when I said that nothing is ever obvious with Mamimi, yet I can’t help but wish I could have seen this sooner; seen the signs, or gotten to know her better sooner, so I could have done something. Let alone feeling like a bad friend, I feel like a bad person. Mamimi seems to notice me thinking, perhaps a little too deeply. She quickly says, “Ah, it’s okay Takkun; I’m resilient. It’s not too bad once you get used to it.” She hums to herself for a second, then adds, “Obviously, I’d prefer for it to not be this way, but if it has to be, I at least know how to make the most of it. I’ll be fine; don’t worry about me too much, okay?” Without thinking of the consequences, without worrying about the implications of such a thing, I blurt out, “Mamimi, live with me. At my house.” Mamimi blinks in surprise. Then, she begins to giggle, and I frown. “I mean it, Mamimi! Sleep at my house from now on.” “I know you mean it. That’s why it’s so cute,” she says, still giggling. My cheeks flush a light pink at this, and I stammer, “W-what do you mean, ‘cute?’” “Your childlike naïveté!” I frown, this time genuinely annoyed. “You’re one to talk,” I grumble. “C’mon, Takkun, you know that’d never work,” Mamimi says softly, growing uncharacteristically serious. “I doubt your dad would ever be okay with having both me and Haruko living there… And you know your grandpa kinda hates me. Plus, where would I sleep?” I announce, “We have an air mattress. You can sleep on the side of my room with nothing in the way; we wouldn’t even have to rearrange anything.” I pause to think, desperate to get Mamimi out of such a horrible situation, and quickly claim, “Don’t worry about my dad and grandpa; I can easily convince them. It’ll take five minutes. They’ll get used to it soon enough; just like they did with Haruko.” Mamimi sighed softly, and without any warning, I grabbed her hand and began leading her away from the river. “Takkun,” she asked incredulously, “Where are you taking me?” “Home.” “I really dont think that’s a good idea…” “I’ll make it work,” I tell her. “I won’t accept the alternative.” Mamimi follows me in silence for a few moments before very quietly asking, “Why not?” I silently think to myself, “Because I love you, Mamimi. So much. Because I genuinely, truly, fully love you, and I need to know that you’re safe, no matter what.” No, I will keep these thoughts to myself; Mamimi can’t know that. At the very least, not yet. It’s why I push away all of her flirting and sexual advances; I am almost certain that she’s only using me as a distraction from the pain of being dumped by my brother. I love her, but I don’t want to be with her if I know she’s faking it and will just leave someday. If we did actually hook up or something, she’d probably end up regretting it. Plus… Our ages… Instead of the main truth, I answer with a different truth. “Because sleeping outside in the wind and rain and cold isn’t good. If I had known you were homeless this whole time, I would have dragged you to live at my house a long time ago. I won’t watch you get hurt from something like this; I won’t.” There is a silence. I glance back at Mamimi to gauge her emotional state, and I see that her eyes are tearing up. I widen my own eyes in surprise and stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk, prompting Mamimi to stop walking as well. I let go of her hand. I drop my voice to barely a whisper and ask, “What’s wrong?” Mamimi sniffles and chuckles softly, though her small, hollow laughter sounds bittersweet. Or, maybe it’s just bitter. I can’t tell. She opens her mouth to respond, then closes it again as if unable to find the right words. She closes her eyes before finally taking a deep breath and saying, “I can’t tell you.” I frown. “Why not?” “Maybe I’ll be able to tell you at some point in the future. But for right now, I just can’t,” she responds. “It wouldn’t be fair to you.” I consider this for a moment, and ultimately, I decide that it’s not worth fighting about. Pushing the issue will only make things worse; she can tell me when she’s ready. I know that when that day comes, she happily will. I change tactics. “Do you not want to live with me after all?” I ask, feigning mild apathy. Mamimi shakes her head, finally opening her eyes, and says, “I’d love to live with you. I’m worried about the circumstances still, but… I do want to. And not just because it would get me off the street. It’s like you’re…” She pauses, collecting her thoughts. Then, she finishes, “You’re like my knight in shining armor.” I am genuinely touched by this. It makes me happy that Mamimi really sees me in such a way. I chuckle, grabbing hold of Mamimi’s hand again to continue leading her to my house. I glance back at her and softly tell her, “Then let’s keep going; we’re only a few blocks away.”
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“So… You’re gonna be living here from now on, huh?” Mamimi smiles. “Yup! Takkun convinced his dad and grandpa to let me stay. Though, truthfully, I don’t know how… Especially his grandpa.” Haruko lets out a soft, “Hmmm…” before returning her attention to cleaning her motorbike; the one she insists on keeping parked inside my room for God knows what reason. She is using my desk lamp to see, as the sun has now long since gone down. She hums again, thinking. “That’s fine, I suppose,” she eventually says. “Just don’t keep me awake at night.” “As if it was ever your decision to make,” I say coolly. Mamimi simply smiles politely at Haruko, then turns to me. “Takkun, should I help you get the air mattress?” she asks sweetly. I shake my head softly and walk over to one of the two dressers in my room. One is Haruko’s, and one is mine. I silently and quickly clear out the top two drawers of mine, placing their contents haphazardly in the other three lower drawers, then turn back to Mamimi and announce, “You can put your things in there. I’ll get the air mattress.” Mamimi nods minutely, and I walk out into the hallway and down to the closet. I pass my father on the way to the closet. He stops me, and holds one of my shoulders in his hand, as if attempting to behave in a fatherly way. He asks quietly, “Are you sure you want to do this? She seems to be very attached to you; unhealthily so. More than a bit clingy, too…” I am in no mood to entertain my dad’s pointless anxieties. “We’ll be fine,” I snap. “You’ll have Haruko all to yourself now. Isn’t that what you wanted?” He perks up at this, and I can practically see the gears turning in his head. I internally roll my eyes; adults really can be disgusting sometimes… He removes his hand from my shoulder and simply says, “Well, I trust you know what you’re doing, then.” He begins walking down the hall towards his own room, whistling happily, and I return my attention back to the task at hand. I soon return to my room with the air mattress and air pump, and I find that Mamimi has placed all of her clothes and belongings in the two drawers. She doesn’t have much to her name, especially in the way of clothing, and I make a mental note to take her shopping soon. Even if I have to pay for it, I don’t care. I don’t care, because in other ways, I care too much for my own good. I nod at her and place the air mattress on the floor under the window. I begin to pump it full of air, slowly but surely, and Haruko decides that this is a good time to try to be helpful. “Here, lemme do it! It’ll go much faster if I do it.” “Haruko, no. You’ll just break something.” “Aw, c’mon, you’re gonna deny me the simple joys of filling an air mattress?” “…You find something like this… Entertaining?” Haruko sighs and leaves me alone, climbing up to the top bunk of my bed. “Takkun, you’re no fun sometimes,” she says. I roll my eyes and continue my work. When the mattress is finally fully inflated, I cap it so the air won’t leak out and return the pump to the closet. I pick up some bedding from the closet while I do so. I make Mamimi’s bed when I return to my room, and when I am done, she sits down on the edge, clearly lost in thought. I furrow my brow in mild concern; she is rarely seen thinking this hard about anything. I gently ask her, “Is everything okay?” She snaps back to the present moment, and looks at me with confusion in her eyes. After a moment, she adjusts, and responds back to me in an exhausted voice, “Yeah, Takkun, everything’s fine. More than fine. I’m just…” She pauses, seemingly looking for the right words, then slowly says, “Genuinely touched by your kindness. I didn’t expect all this, and I’m not used to the way everyone in your house treats each other; like a real family.” I snort, then respond, “Huh? We don’t treat each other like a family here at all. This household is so fucking disjointed, we-” Mamimi interrupts, “But you all truly care about each other.” She pauses, and I glance around awkwardly, first at Haruko, then down the hall to both my dad’s room and my grandfather’s room. “What do you… Mean…?” Mamimi giggles. “I can tell that deep down, you’re all very caring people. Even your grandpa came around to me living here. I’m happy you invited me to be a part of this.” As I blush slightly, I stammer out, “I-I really don’t understand what you’re getting at… And I’ve never seen you so serious before. But if you’re happy, I guess that’s a good thing…” Mamimi smiles as a large and loud yawn comes from behind me. I glance back at Haruko, who is scratching her lower back with some bike part, and say, “You can’t really be tired at 9:30, can you?” Haruko indignantly exclaims, “Hey, I’ve been busy all day! What have you even been up to? Ditching school again, no doubt.” It is Mamimi’s turn to raise her voice slightly, worry creeping into it. Standing from the bed and taking a step towards me, she asks, “You’ve been ditching school? Why? You know that’s bad…!” She begins to gently play with my hair, and though normally I’d smack her hand away, tonight I let her; I’ve been hiding this whole truancy thing from her for long enough, and we’ve had an emotional day; especially her. I sigh and admit, “I’ve only been skipping the last hour each day. And not even every day. My last hour is just a boring class that doesn’t interest me, and-” Mamimi interjects, “You have to go to school, Takkun! It’s really important!” “You’re one to talk!” I snap back, perhaps a little too harshly. Mamimi only seems concerned, however; not hurt. She begins, “Sure, I cut class quite a bit… But I’m in my last year of high school, not sixth grade, and my career goals don’t require a degree in anything. Plus-” I cave almost instantly; Mamimi has that effect on me sometimes. I interrupt a bit rudely and say, “Would it make you happy if I started going again?” Truthfully, I only want to see her happy. I want to make her proud, whatever that looks like. Mamimi shoots me a wide smile and exclaims, “Yes! Please. Even if it’s just one class at the end of the day, full attendance is important. I only skip because-” Mamimi cuts herself off suddenly, face going blank for a moment, before finally she frowns and shakes her head. She says, “Not important. I’m allowed to do it, but you can’t. Just trust me on that one. You have to succeed in life!” I look at Mamimi with an incredulous stare and tell her, “You’re weird,” before turning back to look at Haruko. She is staring, directly and unabashedly, at Mamimi, inspecting her as if she is a foreign species. I begin, “Haruko, what are you…” but am cut off by her. “I don’t think she’s weird at all. It all makes perfect sense.” I am now staring at Haruko incredulously as well. A long moment of silence stretches by in my room, no one moving a centimeter, until finally Haruko says, “Whelp, I’m going to bed. Like I said, don’t keep me up.” She turns off the lamp, climbs onto the top bunk, lays down, and immediately begins snoring, as she does every night. Mamimi chuckles softly, sounding slightly sad. “I guess we should be getting to sleep too, then.” I nod, climbing into my bed, and Mamimi gets under her own covers and very quietly comments, “It’s nice to have an actual warm bed to sleep in for once…” She yawns as well and adds, “Good night, Takkun. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I reply, “Good night Mamimi,” before settling in for what I would soon discover to be a long and sleepless night of staring at the under frame of the top bunk in silence, barely able to process the day’s events.
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I am startled awake by the sudden sound of a short burst of yelling from the other side of my room. I roll over, wide awake now as the sound transitions to heavy breathing. I see Mamimi sitting straight up in bed, staring out the window. It seems she’s had a nightmare. It seems to have been a bad one, too. Mamimi has been living with me for about two weeks now, and we have all gotten used to living with each other. I like having her around, something I try to convey to her more with what I don’t say rather that what I do say. I am less harsh than usual, and more… Calm, when I’m around her. I keep the peace in the house. I want her to know she is welcome here, and to feel as comfortable as possible. I want her to be happy. “Mamimi…” I call out to her, as quietly and gently as I can. She quickly turns to look at me, and a scared expression begins to fade from her face. She seems relieved to see me. “Ah, Takkun,” she softly says. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” “It’s okay,” I reply. “I don’t mind. You know that if you ever need anything, you can wake me up at any time of the night.” She smiles sadly and glances down at the floor. “That’s really kind of you to say, Takkun. I’m almost not used to it.” “Almost?” I think to myself. Mamimi continues, “I’m surprised I didn’t wake up Haruko.” I snort in amusement and reply, “She’s all talk about the whole ‘not waking her up’ thing. She could sleep through just about anything; before you started living here, she’d already slept through two earthquakes that woke the rest of us up.” Mamimi chuckles, this time sounding genuinely amused. Unfortunately, I had to go and ruin it by asking the obvious question, “Did you have a nightmare?” Mamimi’s smile falters, and she whispers back, “Yeah. I have them sometimes.” She smiles again and says, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had anyone around me when I wake up from one. I feel safe here. I haven’t felt safe hardly anywhere in months.” She glances down and murmurs, “I feel safe around you, Takkun.” I’m touched by this. It makes sense, but I’m still happy she feels so comfortable around me. Mamimi sighs and lays back down, still turned towards me. She says, “Should we get back to sleep?” Impulsively, I finally blurt out the question that’s been on my mind for weeks. “Mamimi, actually, I wanna know something. Why were you crying when I said you could live with me? It’s been bothering me ever since that day.” I hesitate a second before adding, “I know you said you couldn’t tell me, but if you still can’t, can you at least tell me why you can’t tell me?” Mamimi stays silent for a long time. I am about to say something else, about to tell her that she doesn’t have to answer if it really makes her that uncomfortable, but finally she speaks.” “Takkun, even with all your moodiness and harshness, you’re a really nice, kind, sweet and caring person underneath the tsundere exterior you put on. You care about me; I’ve never really had that before. Not truly. This whole time I’ve lived with you, you’ve softened up around me a lot, too. I love being around you so much. “There’s a really simple reason I was crying, but I was afraid to say it then, because I know how much you care about your brother. But… When Tasuku found out I was homeless, before he left for America, he didn’t do much to help. Much is the wrong word… He didn’t really do anything at all. I didn’t really expect him to, necessarily, but it still sucks looking back. He did nothing. It’s like he never cared at all. “Then I told you, expecting exactly nothing to happen once more. But instead, you instantly took the initiative to not just help me find a place, or loan me supplies, but to let me come and live with you. A huge life change and hassle, and you knew how hard it would be to convince your grandpa in particular, but you did it anyway. You care so much, Takkun, and you care so much about me, it’s starting to hurt in a way that I can only truly explain to myself. “While you were talking to your dad and grandpa about letting me stay, on my first night here, I found it in me to delete Tasuku’s phone number out of my phone. I should have a long time ago. I know he’s never going to call, so why have it in there, just hurting me to look at every time I open my contacts? I realized that night that I care about you more than I care about him; than I ever cared about him. That I enjoy being around you so much more than I ever did around him. I love you, Takkun.” By now I am sitting up in my bed, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I am stunned; this is all beyond belief. I knew she cared about me, but this? I open my mouth to respond, but I quickly find that I don’t know what to say. Mamimi continues before I can find my tongue. She says, “All I want is to be in your life somehow. Any way I can be. Even if it means staying in this dumb, tiny town a lot longer than I initially wanted to. I know you don’t love me the same way I love you, and I bet you probably think I’m misunderstanding my feelings because you’ve been so nice to me. But I don’t care. I know I love you, and if I can’t be with you the way I truly want, I’ll settle for simply being your friend. That’s all I ask of you.” I wipe tears from my face and pull back the covers. Then, I swing my legs over the side of my bed, stand up, and take the few short steps over to Mamimi’s mattress on the floor. I kneel down to be at her eye level. To be next to her. She seems confused. “Takkun, what are you-” “I love you, too, Mamimi. For months now. I’m surprised you didn’t notice.” Mamimi’s face is a combination of startled, happy, confused, and… Scared? Has she ever heard words like those before in her life? What is she thinking right now? She whispers, “H-hey, don’t joke like that. That’s really mean.” I hold her hand in mine and lean forward, though truthfully I have no idea what I am doing. I am merely copying the motions of actors in the movies and shows I claim to hate; doing what they do, moving how they move. I press my lips to Mamimi’s, and the world grows fuzzy and warm as she accepts the kiss. My stomach turns and my heart skips a beat, and I am truly happy for the first time in years. This, I think, is what life is meant to feel like.