Work Text
Today was the day. Arthur was pumped and ready to go. He was an adult man who could do normal things, like ask his best friend out on a date.
Arthur grimaced and put a hand to his stomach. Okay, he was a little nervous. He stepped off the path through the park that led to Merlin’s and sat on a nearby bench to calm himself, watching other park goers stroll by as though their whole lives weren’t about to change. Which, to be fair, they probably weren’t.
It was a sunny January morning, crisp and lovely without the usual rain. Arthur didn’t actually mind the London winter drizzle—it meant he could curl up on the couch with a book guilt free. But today felt fresh, perfect for a new beginning. Or maybe just a nice walk in the park, ending back at Arthur’s flat?
With a growl at his own ridiculousness, Arthur channelled his inner warrior and stood. He could do it. He could.
Merlin wasn’t scary, after all. In fact, he was really quite nice. And kind. He wouldn’t make Arthur feel bad if he didn’t feel the same way Arthur did. They had known each other—and been best friends—since uni, and Merlin always had Arthur’s back, no matter what.
That was only one reason why Arthur loved him, and why it was time for Arthur to stop being so afraid of rejection. He had wanted more from Merlin for at least a year now, had watched him date idiots and get drunk over breakups, and he hated it. Merlin loved with his whole heart and soul…and Arthur wanted to be the person who Merlin chose to love.
So he set off again down the path, determined not to pass out from nerves before he could get a chance to make that happen.
*****
“Arthur! What are you doing here?”
Arthur stood in the hallway of Merlin’s building, sweat prickling on his skin. He was wearing a black wool coat over a plain tee, and he was sure that if he took it off, two massive pit stains would give away how nervous he was. But Merlin was standing there, looking gorgeous in pyjama bottoms and an old, slightly too-tight shirt, and Arthur’s heart was thumping like a train. He smiled. Unfortunately, from the confused look on Merlin’s face, he was sure it was coming off more as a manic grin than anything else.
“Arthur? You okay?”
“Yeah. Yes. I’m good. I was wondering if, would you… It’s just…”
“Do you want to come in?” Merlin asked, and Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. For the love of god, yes, he wanted to get in out of the public before a stranger saw his awkward flirting skills. He nodded thankfully and Merlin stood aside to let him through. “Tea?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I wanted to ask you…” Arthur looked at Merlin and swallowed. “…something.”
Merlin eyebrows lifted and he stood waiting, an amused look spreading across his features. “What’s up?” he urged.
“I was wondering, that is, I wanted to know if…” He closed his eyes. “Would you go out on a date with me?”
Arthur peeked one eye open. Merlin’s lips had parted but he was silent, staring at Arthur with an indecipherable expression.
“What do you mean?” Merlin asked. Oh, that wasn’t good.
“I…” he wasn’t sure what to say. What else could he have meant? Merlin had been asked out before, he had to know exactly what Arthur was trying to do. Unless…
It was his worst nightmare; Merlin didn’t share his feelings and he was trying to let him down easy! Arthur’s heart plummeted into his shoes.
“I thought you might like…” Going on a date with me? Sharing my life with me? Marrying me and having my proverbial babies? What had he been thinking? Merlin was his friend…if he’d wanted more, he would have said something before now!
“You thought I might like…?” Merlin asked, tilting his head to one side. Arthur wanted to turn tail and run to the closest pub for a double gin and tonic, but if he wanted to save his friendship with Merlin, he needed to provide him with an answer (that didn’t include asking him out).
“I thought you might like to help me out. I need someone to date me, that is, to pretend to date me. You know…I need to get this woman from work off my back, she won’t leave me alone. It would be nice to have someone with me, by my side, I mean, at this event coming up…” He couldn’t seem to stop talking. “You don’t need to do anything. You just need to come and eat food and get drunk. It’ll be fun!”
“You want me to…pretend to date you?”
Arthur desperately wanted to know how Merlin was taking this massive fib, but he couldn’t bring himself to look his friend in the eye. He looked at the furniture, and the art on the walls he knew so well, and even Merlin’s mismatched socks, but he refused to look up. He was already being rejected, just like he’d feared, he didn’t need to add insult to injury and see Merlin cringing at the idea of dating him.
“Er…yep. I suppose. I want you to pretend date me,” he answered, as confidently as he could. God, this was awful.
“Yeah, okay.”
Arthur’s head snapped up so fast he was surprised he didn’t hurt himself. “Yeah? You’ll do it?” he asked, a measure of relief flowing through him. This day might not end with Arthur and Merlin dating, but at least it would end with them still friends. Merlin smiled and shrugged.
“Why not? Like you said, it’ll be fun.”
Arthur nodded. “Yeah, fun.”
“Want to grab lunch? You can tell me all about this work event you’re bringing me to.”
Ah, right. Now Arthur needed to come up with a fake event. And a fake co-worker who wouldn’t leave him alone.
Fuck.
*****
“Are you sure this is necessary?” Merlin said to Arthur as soon as he opened his door.
“Absolutely. We need to seem comfortable with each other, and what better way to do that than with a practice date?” Arthur said, smiling. He’d come up with the idea the previous weekend, while he was telling Merlin the vaguest details he could about the “work party”. Merlin had seemed a bit confused by the idea, but Arthur had promised good food—again.
See, Arthur had come up with a plan. He didn’t know how long this fake dating thing with Merlin was going to last, so he was going to use the time to prove that he would be a good boyfriend. That he could make Merlin happy.
At the very least, Arthur could pretend they were together for a little while. Before doing what he needed to do to get over his feelings.
“Yeah, yeah. Come in? I’m not ready yet.”
Merlin made to turn back into his flat, but Arthur had a small bouquet of red roses gripped in one sweaty palm and he held them out timidly, almost wishing he hadn’t made the gesture. Merlin took them slowly and met Arthur’s gaze.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he said. Arthur could see the surprise and happiness on his face as he inhaled their scent. “I don’t think anybody’s ever gotten me flowers before.”
“Oh. That’s not right.”
“Thanks, Arthur,” Merlin said, and brought the flowers to the kitchen before darting into his room. “Sit down! I’ll just be a sec!”
Rather than sitting, Arthur wandered Merlin’s living room. He’d been there hundreds of times before, but he decided to look at it as though he were seeing it for the first time. As though he were a real date, picking up Merlin for a romantic night out.
The flat was small and decorated as though Merlin had simply thrown his belongings into the room and wherever they landed, they stayed. Plants sat on nearly every high surface to trail their leaves down to the floor, books were stacked, not only neatly in bookcases, but also on the TV and coffee table, and used mugs dotted the room. Instead of being messy, it was warm and homey. Arthur loved it. Especially compared to his own plain flat.
“I’m ready,” Merlin called, emerging from his bedroom looking the same as when he went in, wearing long, skinny jeans that showed off his incredible legs, a tight, faded band t-shirt stretching across his lean chest, and blue converse sneakers. No, something was different—his hair was done. Arthur smiled, imagining Merlin standing in front of the mirror putting product into his dark curls, pushing them around with a scowl and wishing they’d stay in place. He knew Merlin’s usual routine, and it didn’t include hair gel. Merlin was going above and beyond. He was treating this like a real date too.
Merlin noticed Arthur’s smile and squinted at him with suspicion. “What?” he asked, looking down at his clothes. “Should I change?”
“No, not at all,” Arthur told him. “You look good.”
“Oh. Thanks. So do you.”
Arthur looked down at his own simple tee and jeans and murmured a quick thanks, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets. He hadn’t pictured Merin complimenting him and he wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Come on,” Merlin said, grinning and finally taking pity on him. He gripped Arthur’s elbow and dragged him from the flat and down to the street. The night was clear, the weather having held all week. Arthur was glad for it, though he wouldn’t have minded using the rain as an excuse to put his arm around Merlin, maybe hold his jacket over Merlin’s head.
“Should we hold hands?” Arthur blurted, and blushed. “Sorry…”
“It’s probably a good idea, actually? We are doing this to get comfortable pretending to be together, right?”
He didn’t let himself question it, instead firmly taking Merlin’s hand in his own and confidently walking on down the sidewalk. It was heaven, despite his sweaty palms. Merlin’s fingers were warm and soft, and easily tangled with his own. He glanced at Merlin and saw he, too, was smiling.
Okay. He could do this.
*****
Arthur had gotten tickets to a play that Merlin had been talking about, and they made their way there on the underground. The venue was small, and they both enjoyed the show, sitting in plush seats in the first row of the balcony. Merlin held his hand the whole time. He leaned on his shoulder as the night wore on and was yawning by the end of the final act. They took the tube back after stopping at a pub for a drink and a bite to eat. It was perfect.
“Want to do this again?” Arthur asked at Merlin’s door.
“Another pretend date?”
Arthur’s smile dimmed at the reminder that none of it was real. Which was good…he didn’t want to get his heart broken. More than it was already going to be, at least.
“I’d love to,” Merlin answered before Arthur had a chance to take the invitation back.
“Good. Yeah, that’s great.”
Merlin grinned and leaned forward to kiss Arthur on the cheek.
“Text me,” he said, and closed the door.
Arthur walked dopily down the stairs to street level. He’d done it! He’d successfully taken Merlin out on a date without embarrassing himself, and he had another one lined up. Now he just had to convince Merlin to actually like him.
*****
“Want to come over tonight and watch a movie?” Arthur asked Merlin. They worked near each other and met up for lunch when they could, and were now sitting in their favourite booth at a nearby pub. It was the first time they’d seen each other since the play.
“For another date?” Merlin asked, eyeing him over his glass.
Arthur genuinely couldn’t tell what answer Merlin wanted. He hadn’t thought about it being an actual date; he and Merlin hung out together all the time. There was no hidden agenda apparent in Merlin’s question though, so he answered truthfully. “It…doesn’t have to be.”
Merlin took one last sip of water and slid it away. “Okay. My pick?”
“Sure, as long as you don’t choose another documentary.”
“Documentaries are so good though!”
Arthur rolled his eyes and got up to pay the bill at the bar. He could have waited for their server, but he never had as much time on his lunch break as he wanted. Merlin was luckier. He was his own boss, running a graphic design studio with several employees under him, and if he nipped back ten minutes late, no one would say a thing. Arthur was the CEO of a tech company, and no matter how high he climbed on the corporate ladder, there was always too much work for him to get through in one day.
Out on the sidewalk, Merlin slid his fingers into Arthur’s. It startled him, and he instinctually looked down at his hand before glancing up at Merlin.
“Might as well get used to it, yeah?” Merlin asked, shrugging. Arthur smiled, his brain completely unable to come up with a reasonable response, and led them through the crowd back to their workplaces.
At Arthur’s office building, Merlin paused before kissing Arthur on the cheek like he had after their date. It was quick and simple and didn’t mean anything, but Arthur felt himself standing taller and puffing out his chest, like he’d won some testosterone-fueled challenge. He rolled his shoulders forward, knowing that the move made his biceps look bigger.
“So?” Merlin asked, making Arthur blink. Had Merlin been speaking to him?
“Huh?”
Merlin laughed. “Did you just zone out or something? I’ll bring take-out tonight…pizza?”
“Oh! Yeah, that sounds good,” he answered, blushing. He needed to get his head in the game or Merlin would never like him back. “See you tonight.”
For a moment it looked as though Merlin was going to say something, but in the end he simply smiled and began walking backwards away from Arthur.
“See you later, Sweetheart!” he called out loudly. Arthur wanted to flip him off, the way he would have before he’d developed…feelings. Instead, he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning like an idiot and escaped into the safety of his office building.
*****
Arthur prepared for a non-date. It was just him and Merlin, best buds, hanging out like usual. He wore an old football jersey with his most comfortable jeans and went barefoot.
So when Arthur answered the door to find Merlin dressed in what Arthur knew was his “lucky date shirt”—a dark blue button up—and a killer pair of black jeans, he panicked. And when Merlin handed him a bottle of wine and a bouquet of pale pink roses, he nearly blacked out.
“I know you said it wasn’t really a date, but…” Merlin said, looking unsure for the first time since Arthur had first asked him out.
“This is…perfect,” Arthur said, taking the gifts and disappearing into the kitchen to freak out in private. By the time he returned a moment later with the open bottle and two wine glasses, he felt relatively back in control again.
Merlin was sitting on the couch with the remote, flipping through Arthur’s various streaming services. He paused on a documentary and Arthur opened his mouth to argue against it, but Merlin looked so interested in the summary that he couldn’t do it.
“We can watch that if you want,” he said, sitting down and pouring them both a glass of the Chianti Merlin brought.
“Nah, not tonight.”
“You got my favourite,” Arthur said off-hand, swirling and sniffing the wine before taking his first sip.
“I know.”
Arthur relaxed back against the cushions with his glass and watched Merlin flip past the documentaries until he landed on Arthur’s queue. He clicked on the first movie he saw, an action flick from the nineties starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, and took a sip of his own wine.
“Mmm, I approve,” Merlin hummed. He turned and winked at Arthur. “You clearly have good taste.”
Feeling brave, Arthur let his gaze roam over Merlin. “I know,” he answered. Merlin seemed surprised at his brashness and blushed, actually blushed! Arthur’s heart thumped wildly in his ears. Were they flirting?
“Pizza?” Merlin asked.
“Already ordered. Should be here soon.”
“Okay,” Merlin said. His eyes darted around for a moment, a little unsure, before glancing at Arthur. And then, without any prompting, he shuffled over until he was pressed up against Arthur’s side. “This okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, of course,” Arthur mumbled intelligently, and put one arm around Merlin’s shoulders. They melted into each other slowly, getting used to sitting a way they never had before. Merlin’s body was warm, and molded itself to Arthur’s side as though they were puzzle pieces designed to fit together. It was safe and wonderful, and was the exact thing Arthur craved. If he was a tiny bit braver, he’d kiss Merlin. He’d caress his jaw, run his thumb over Merlin’s cheekbones, whisper sweet things into his ear. He’d undo each button on Merlin’s lucky shirt, and when he could, he'd run his hands over every inch of Merlin’s pale, perfect skin.
But he wasn’t that brave. He was nervous, and afraid of losing his friendship with Merlin. It had been worth the risk to try for something more, but Merlin hadn’t exactly jumped for joy when Arthur had asked him out. Now it felt as though he were walking on a tightrope, trying to prove his worthiness while not pushing past the boundaries of their friendship.
It was so nice having Merlin next to him that Arthur barely moved all night, even when they ignored the movie in favour of talking. Merlin talked about his cousin Dane coming for a visit the next week, and Arthur complained about the latest thing his ball buster sister Morgana had done to annoy him. He finished his wine and decided that disrupting their comfortable cuddle wasn’t worth getting a second glass. He got up when the pizza arrived but slid right back into place before his spot could get cold, and they ate straight from the box. It was heaven.
When the movie ended, neither of them moved. The lights were low and it was late, and Arthur wished that Merlin really was his boyfriend so that he didn’t have to leave. He could stumble to the bed with Arthur where they’d kiss and fool around (obviously) before falling asleep. In the morning, Arthur would make a pot of coffee and Merlin would make toast. They’d eat standing at the sink before kissing the crumbs from each other’s lips, and they’d hold hands while they hurried to catch the train, because without a doubt Merlin would make them late somehow.
“Well, I suppose I should get up,” Merlin mumbled tiredly. “I didn’t realize you were so comfy to lie on.”
“Comfy? Do you mean beefy? Brawny? Athletic?”
Merlin huffed out a quiet laugh. “Yes, all those things, prat.”
“Thought so. I suppose you’re comfier than I was expecting too.”
“Why thank you. See, I can take a compliment when I hear one.”
It turned quiet again.
“You’re welcome to stay, if you want,” Arthur ventured. “Sleep on the couch?”
Merlin inhaled sharply. He moved his hand to Arthur’s chest and ran his finger over the white lettering on his jersey. It was so gentle that Arthur couldn’t feel it through the fabric. He wished he knew what Merlin was thinking.
“I should go.”
Merlin sat up. It was cold all along Arthur’s side where he’d been. It took a herculean effort to not pull Merlin down into his lap and kiss him senseless. Instead, he got up and followed Merlin to the door, helping him with his jacket and standing nervously aside while he waited for Merlin to decide whether or not to kiss him again.
“Thanks for having me over.”
“Thanks for the flowers and wine.”
Merlin smiled and shrugged. “I wanted to…do something for you—”
“Want to do this again?” Arthur asked before he could lose his nerve. Merlin nodded.
“How’s Friday night? It’s the last weekend for the winter market at Hampstead Heath and I really want to go. We could have dinner afterward?”
“That sounds really good,” Arthur answered. He wondered if he was keeping his ridiculous happiness from his face and decided he didn’t care if he was. The whole point of these fake dates was to let Merlin know that Arthur wanted them to be real, after all. He simply needed to be subtle, in case it didn’t work out. (There was that tightrope feeling again.)
And so, before Merlin could do it, Arthur rested his hand on Merlin’s waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek, the same as Merlin had done to him. They both blushed and Merlin smiled widely, as though he hadn’t been expecting it. They said goodbye and soon Arthur was standing alone in his foyer with his fingers brushing his lips.
*****
“Morgana?” Arthur asked into the phone.
“Arthur? What’s wrong?”
“Why do you think something’s wrong?”
“Because, brother dear, you only ever call me when you need something. So I’ll ask again, what’s wrong?”
Arthur sighed deeply. His sister could never be easy, could she?
“I’m going to tell you something and you need to promise not to laugh.”
“Okay…”
A mere ten minutes later, Morgana was absolutely cackling. Gwen too, since Morgana had put their conversation on speakerphone.
“So…what you need from us is a party, complete with fake co-workers, a bar, a DJ…did I miss anything?”
“Er…it needs to be ready by Friday after next. And decorations.”
“Arthur!” Gwen squealed. “How on earth are we supposed to do all that?”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get it done,” Morgana said. Arthur could clearly picture the smirk that must be on her face but let her have it. He knew he was asking for a huge favour. “Tell me again about the movie night at your house. You cuddled, and Merlin initiated it?”
“For practice.”
Neither of the women answered.
“And Merlin was the one who asked you on the next date?”
“Yeah, but for practice.”
“He keeps kissing you?”
“On the cheek! Why are you going over all this again? I just need you to plan a party that will make Merlin fall in love with me!”
“Good lord, you’re dumb.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I’ll call you with details as soon as I’ve got something put together,” Morgana said, and immediately hung up.
Throwing his phone onto the couch with a scowl, Arthur made his way into the bedroom and climbed under the covers. All this love business was tiring, and it was time for a nap.
*****
Arthur was having the best date of his life, bar none. It was absolute perfection.
It had all started when Merlin arrived at his door to pick him up, looking date-hot again. He was wearing aftershave that Arthur absolutely loved, and his hair was styled neatly. (Arthur actually quite liked Merlin’s curls when they ran wild, but he had to admit that knowing Merlin was treating these dates as real made his stomach flutter with happiness.) There were no flowers or bottles of wine this time, but Merlin’s excited, sparkling eyes were more than gift enough, especially since they were completely focused on Arthur. They held hands on their way to the station, and while they waited, and while they were on the train. Arthur was almost getting used to it, if that was possible. His palms were less sweaty, anyway.
They’d gotten seats on the train and Arthur had leaned on Merlin while they scrolled through Instagram, laughing at Tik Tok videos they’d already seen and double clicking on their friend’s pictures. At Hampstead they got off and walked the short distance to the park.
Chalets were set up just inside the park and Merlin bought them hot mulled wine to warm them as they wandered. The cold January evening forced them to walk closely, and Arthur even got up the courage to wrap an arm around Merlin’s waist.
“This was a good idea,” Arthur said as they walked under a tunnel of lights to the first display.
“I had no idea it was so beautiful,” Merlin murmured. “And this wine is so perfect.”
“We should come back next year,” Arthur said. Merlin took his hand again and nudged him along the path.
“And the year after that,” he answered, eyeing Arthur affectionately. “In fact, you won’t be able to escape. We’ll come every year and drink mulled wine and eat too much sugar, and then we’ll go home and pass out with a Christmas movie on the telly.”
It was dark out, but Arthur could see coloured lights reflected in Merlin’s eyes and he couldn’t tear his gaze from his friend. He wanted to say something witty, perhaps about how brilliant the future sounded, but his heart was stuck in his throat and all he could do was stare. How could Merlin say such wonderful things without freaking out?
“Come on, I’ll buy you some mini donuts,” Merlin said with a chuckle.
At the chalet, Arthur insisted on paying. “You bought the mulled wine,” he argued. They stood off to the side, cupping the donuts to warm their fingers, and ate them one by one until all that was left was half a cup of cinnamon and sugar in the bottom of the bag.
“You’ve got a little…” Merlin started, pointing at Arthur’s mouth.
“Oh, sugar?”
“Yeah, not there, over a little, down—”
“There?”
“No, just up a bit.”
“Did I get it?”
Merlin sighed and leaned forward. “Here, let me…”
Arthur stood as still as he could while Merlin used his thumb to wipe sugar from his bottom lip. It was exquisite, and excruciating. Merlin was so close… All Arthur needed to do was move forward another few inches and they’d be kissing. Merlin himself was leaning in, staring at Arthur’s lips even though the sugar should be long gone by now.
For the first time since Arthur had asked Merlin out, he began to feel hope spread through him. Hope that Merlin might actually like him back. Arthur knew he could be dumb when it came to love, and his self-esteem certainly hadn’t survived his father’s upbringing without a few bumps and bruises, but… Was it possible?
Merlin’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. His gaze dropped to Arthur’s neck, and Arthur swallowed thickly. When Merlin copied the move, seemingly without even noticing he was doing it, Arthur decided to throw caution to the wind.
Fortune favoured the brave, right?
Arthur took a steadying breath and tilted his head, closing the distance—
“Merlin! Is that you?”
Merlin leapt back as though he’d been burned. Arthur’s head whipped up and his eyes came to rest on a young man, slightly shorter than him with dark eyes and hair, grinning and striding toward Merlin.
“Gwaine?” Merlin asked, surprised. “Why didn’t you call me when you landed?”
The man named Gwaine—who had unfairly gorgeous waves—swept Merlin up into a giant bear hug that set Arthur’s teeth on edge. He stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and looked away.
“I was going to give you a call tomorrow! You look amazing,” Gwaine purred. Arthur wanted to snarl. Merlin smiled, like the sweet, kind bloke he was.
“Same to you! And I’ve been good,” Merlin answered, glancing at Arthur.
“Who’s this?” Gwaine asked.
“This is my friend, Arthur Pendragon. Arthur, this is Gwaine!” Merlin said, as though Arthur should know who that was.
“Just friends?” Gwaine asked, narrowing his eyes. Arthur’s hackles rose. Who was this guy to—
“Just friends, Gwaine,” Merlin answered, laughing uncomfortably. He raised his hands in the air as though to prove that they weren’t secretly holding onto Arthur’s.
Just friends. It felt like a huge rock had settled in Arthur’s gut. A boulder, actually. A cold, heavy weight that told him all of his hopes for a relationship with Merlin were about to be dashed in front of his eyes. He wasn’t sure he could take it.
“So, are we going to hook up while I’m in town?” Gwaine asked. Merlin glanced at Arthur with an apology in his eyes, and it was like a bucket of ice water had been poured down his spine. He wanted to tell Gwaine to fuck off, that Merlin was his, but it wasn’t true. Not at all. In fact, Merlin had as good as said he wasn’t interested in Arthur right from the start. Everything that had happened since then had been nothing more than practice for a fake party that didn’t even exist.
And Merlin had the right to choose Gwaine over him. Arthur wasn’t such a jerk that he would begrudge Merlin happiness just because it wasn’t with him. He schooled his features and smiled at Gwaine.
“I’ll just…” Arthur waved in the direction of the booths further down the path. “…let you get caught up. Take your time.”
He turned and walked down the row of chalets decorated with pretty lights. Pretended to be interested in their treats and knick knacks. Ordered another mulled wine for himself and Merlin.
Just friends.
“Arthur?” Merlin asked, stepping up next to him. “Sorry about that.”
Arthur shrugged, trying to come off nonchalant. “No worries.” He handed Merlin the mug and nodded back to the path. “Should we continue?”
“Yeah. But… Would it be okay if we called off the PDA while we’re here? I don’t want to have to explain to Gwaine if we run into him again. You know, cause then…”
“Sure, yeah,” answered Arthur. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him, but he nodded and smiled.
They walked around for another twenty minutes, checking out more of the light displays and sipping their wine. Arthur couldn’t bring back his cheerfulness from before. It was obvious Merlin was picking up on it, as well; he’d begun watching Arthur with a worried frown.
Everything had changed with the arrival of Gwaine, or at least Arthur’s perception of his relationship with Merlin had changed. He had actually begun to think his feelings weren’t as one-sided as he’d thought. At least he hadn’t embarrassed himself too badly in the whole debacle. He would need to take some time to get over Merlin, but maybe in a couple of months they’d be all right.
“Is it okay if we leave?” he asked suddenly. “All the lights are giving me a headache.”
“Of course. Want to go for dinner?”
Just friends.
“Actually, I’d prefer to go home.”
“Okay, if that’s what you want.”
They returned their wine mugs, and Arthur led them through the park and down the street to Hampstead station. Neither he nor Merlin reached out to hold the other’s hand. The walk back was cold, and the train ride colder. They sat next to each other, thighs pressed together, not speaking. Arthur looked out the window.
Merlin walked Arthur all the way to his door, but stopped him from going inside with a hand to his arm.
“What’s wrong, Arthur? Is this about Gwaine?”
“Not at all, I promise,” he lied. “The week has just caught up with me, that’s all. I’m tired.”
“If you’re sure.” Merlin perked up momentarily. “Are we still on for your work party next weekend?”
“Yeah, if you want to go.”
“Of course I want to go. Text me the details?”
Arthur nodded, and with a last look at Merlin, he closed the door.
It wasn’t until he was in his pyjamas and staring at the ceiling that he realized he’d lost an opportunity to call off the work party date and put an end to all the pretending. Morgana would have killed him for all the work she was putting into it, but at least it would have been over and he could go back to pining for his best friend the proper way; in stone cold silence.
*****
Arthur ignored Merlin’s calls and texts all weekend. On Monday morning, when he knew Merlin would be busy at work, he messaged him the details of the party.
He was well aware he was being a jerk. His heart was breaking, though, and distance was the only protection he had at his arsenal. Morgana would call it avoidance, but he was giving her distance as well.
Lunch was now a sad, solitary, microwave meal that he ate at his desk—he couldn’t bring himself to meet Merlin at their pub—and he made excuses to skip movie nights all week. He threw himself into work. Over the next few days, he got more done than he had in ages.
He picked up the suit he was planning to wear to the party from the drycleaners. He cleaned the scuffs off his favourite nice shoes. He got a haircut. He slept and worked and ate and went to the gym.
He just needed to get through this party and then it would be done.
“Why don’t you tell Merlin the party is cancelled?” Gwen asked one night on the phone. “He’ll never know the truth.”
“Because…there’s a part of me that wants this one last date with him,” he said. She sighed and he could picture the pitying look she was probably giving him. “Please don’t tell Morgana that.”
“I won’t.”
He knew she would. They were married, after all, and they didn’t keep secrets from each other. But Arthur kept up the pretense anyway.
On Thursday, Merlin threatened to come over if Arthur ignored another one of his texts. Arthur finally answered and gave a non-committal “I’m busy, but I’ll see you tomorrow” that placated Merlin enough to stop his questions. It was obvious he was still worried, though.
Arthur could work with worry. What he dreaded was pity. Now that he knew for sure that Merlin didn’t return his feelings, the last thing he wanted was to see his best friend’s face when he realized he was the reason Arthur’s heart was broken. Merlin might not love him, but he was a kind man, and it would hurt him to see Arthur suffering, especially if he knew he was the reason for it.
Arthur didn’t want that at all.
*****
Arthur strode through the crowd, his shoulders hunched against the wind and an umbrella protecting him from the rain. Clouds had finally moved in and trapped enough warm air to raise the temperatures in London above freezing, and along with that came the grey, winter wetness he was so used to. It was nice. It matched his mood.
He was still avoiding lunch with Merlin, so when he went out for something to eat, he turned in the opposite direction from his office than he would if he was heading to their pub. Nothing was grabbing his attention, and besides, he didn’t really feel like eating, so he gave up and popped into a coffee shop. A little caffeine would get him through the rest of the workday.
He ordered a triple espresso and slumped into a seat at the back.
It was Friday. The party was in a few short hours. He was all ready to go (and so was Morgana and her horde of friends who’d agreed to this nonsense) except for one thing; a boutonniere. Originally he’d planned to have one for Merlin, thinking it would be romantic. Everything had changed, but he was still considering the flower. It might not be a real date to Merlin, but it was to Arthur.
“Arthur?”
Arthur looked up from staring into his cup and saw Merlin’s friend Wayne, of all people, heading toward him with a scowl on his face.
“Wayne?” he asked. That had been his name, right?”
“Gwaine,” the man growled. “Now can you tell me why you’re making Merlin feel like shit?”
Arthur’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re avoiding him. Why?”
Arthur looked back into his mug. “I’m just giving him space to hang out with you. Isn’t that the plan for while you’re in town? Hook up with Merlin?”
“I’ve only seen him once, and he told me all about how much of a dick you’ve been! What’s your problem mate?” Gwaine yelled, drawing the attention of a few patrons. Arthur felt his cheeks flush with anger and he stood.
“My problem? If you’ve only made time to see Merlin once all week, that’s your problem. He’s obviously interested in—” Arthur waved his hand at Gwaine, indicating his…everything, “—you!”
Gwaine’s jaw dropped comically.
“So if you’d kindly piss off and leave me alone,” Arthur finished, sitting back down. He took a sip of his espresso and refused to look at Gwaine. It seemed to work, too. Without another word, the man walked away.
When he came back a moment later with a coffee of his own and sat opposite Arthur, his expression had completely changed. Where before he looked like he wanted a good fight, now he relaxed back into his chair with a knowing smile that made Arthur want to turn tail and run.
“What?” he demanded, glaring as meanly as he could.
“Merlin likes you, idiot.”
“No shit. We’ve been friends since uni.”
“God, you’re like a big, dumb dog. He likes you.”
“Is that why he’s planning dates with you while out with me?” Arthur said, rather pathetically. Gwaine laughed, earning him another glare.
“Merlin’s my cousin.”
Arthur could feel every thump of his heart. He knew he was staring at Gwaine, but he couldn’t stop. His whole world was turning upside down again, just like it had with the first appearance of Gwaine.
“Cousin? No, his cousin’s name is Dane or Lane, or something.”
Gwaine rolled his eyes and waited for Arthur to figure it out on his own.
“Oh.”
“You’re taking him to some work thing tonight, yeah?” Gwaine asked.
Arthur nodded.
“I’m meeting Merlin tomorrow for lunch. If I don’t have a glowing report of the brilliant time he had while on his date with you, I’ll hunt you down.”
Arthur nodded. Being scolded by a near-stranger was a new experience for him, but he took it wide-eyed and with a promise to do better. In his head, at least. He still hadn’t managed to say much.
“So…” Gwaine started, grinning like he’d just read Arthur’s diary. “I hear you’re quite comfortable to cuddle with.”
Arthur blushed like a maiden on her wedding night. Merlin had told Gwaine that?
Arthur ended up ordering a sandwich and sat with Gwaine for a while. He didn’t get any more inside info about Merlin’s thoughts or feelings (“I’ve told you enough, it’s up to your dumb ass to do the rest!”) but he did feel like he’d gained a new friend. Merlin’s cousin ended up being a lot of fun, and Arthur wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again while he was in town. He said as much when they parted ways.
“Why don’t you come to lunch tomorrow? I’m sure you two will still be together then anyway,” Gwaine added with a wink.
“I’d like that,” he answered.
As he strolled back to his office through rain he didn’t care about anymore, he pulled out his phone and dialed Morgana’s number. There were a few changes he wanted to make to the party.
*****
“Good luck,” Morgana said, handing him the office key he’d lent her to set up for the night.
“Thanks. I mean it. And give a kiss to Gwen, too. I know she helped.”
Morgana opened her mouth to say something but ended up simply staring at him. With a sigh and an eye roll, she straightened his collar, tucking it beneath his suit jacket’s lapel, and slapped his cheek.
“Oi! What was that for?”
“Be good to Merlin. I don’t know why, but he seems to actually like you. Don’t mess it up.”
With that, she turned on her heel and left Arthur’s office building through the grand set of doors leading out to the sidewalk. He huffed out a nervous laugh as the echo of her sharp heels finally died away. Morgana could be intense, but she had done an incredible thing for him upstairs. He owed her.
Arthur checked the time. Merlin was set to arrive any minute, so he grabbed the large, black umbrella he’d left at the security desk and headed out into the rain. The awning over the front doors kept him dry enough so he kept the umbrella closed and used the time to fidget.
He pulled at his sleeves and ran his hand over the back of his neck. He opened and closed the button on his suit jacket several times. God, he was nervous. What if he started to sweat? He sniffed his armpit surreptitiously and was relieved to find he still smelled fresh. Not that Merlin hadn’t seen him at his worst, straight after the gym or first thing in the morning, hungover after an all-night binge with their friends. But this was different.
A taxi pulled up to the curb, putting an end to his scattered thoughts. It was time.
Opening the umbrella, Arthur jogged out to the car and held it while Merlin opened the door and climbed out.
“Hi,” Merlin said, pushing close to Arthur to stand under the umbrella. He looked unsure. Nervous. Arthur knew that was due to him. He hadn’t given Merlin any reason to think he was actually looking forward to this party, not after a week of avoiding his texts and being a general dick. He cringed internally and promised himself—again—that he would make it up to Merlin.
“Hi.” He smiled, holding Merlin’s gaze, and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He pulled back slowly, letting his lips drag ever so slightly across smooth skin. Quiet surprise added a glow to Merlin’s eyes and he smiled back, relief evident in his stance.
“Should we go in?” Arthur asked, taking Merlin’s hand in his and pulling him toward the building and out of the drizzle.
Inside, Arthur stashed the umbrella and led Merlin to the elevators. Most of the lights were off, with just the few needed by security left to illuminate the lobby. That, and the echo-y sound of their footsteps reverberating off the high ceiling made the whole space feel much more romantic than it did during the day. It was…lovely.
When the elevator arrived, they stepped in together and Arthur pushed the button for the top floor.
“Fancy party,” Merlin murmured, biting his lip. “It’s on your floor?” As the CEO, Arthur had the biggest office in the top corner of the building. Merlin had been there many times during the day while the other bigwigs were around, but he’d never visited Arthur at night.
“Don’t worry, none of the other executives are here.”
“Okay.”
Arthur looked at Merlin. Really looked. His suit was incredible. It fit all the lean lines of Merlin’s body like a glove, showing off long legs and wide shoulders, and a waist that Arthur couldn’t wait to get his hands on. Merlin’s hair was perfect again, too, with waves pushed up off his forehead and the sides combed neatly behind his ears. A sweet pink flush raced across his cheeks when he noticed Arthur looking.
“What?” he worriedly asked, glancing down at his suit. “Is something wrong?”
“No, not at all. You’re very handsome, that’s all,” Arthur answered, channeling more confidence than he felt. He squeezed Merlin’s hand. Merlin smiled back, and Arthur wanted to kiss him so badly that he almost gave up on his plans for the evening. “I have something for you.”
Arthur pulled a small, clear plastic container from his pocket. Inside was a small red rose bud boutonniere. He took it from its package and pinned it to Merlin’s suit jacket. His hands shook a bit, and so did Merlin’s when he reached up to touch it.
“Wow. Thank you, Arthur,” Merlin said, gently touching the tiny petals.
The elevator stopped at the top floor and the doors opened, forcing Arthur to look away. “This way,” he said, and led Merlin down the hall. The empty, softly lit hall.
“Arthur…where is everyone?”
Instead of answering, he led Merlin into one of the meeting rooms, and thanked Morgana a hundred times over when he heard Merlin gasp behind him.
The room was perfect. The large conference table had been replaced with a small round one, covered in a tablecloth and candles. A bottle of wine sat open in an ice bucket next to a pretty bouquet of red and pink roses, and silver domes covered two place settings. Soft music played from a hidden speaker. Most breathtakingly, white fairy lights fell in a circle around the table, giving the space a magical aura.
When he’d first seen it, Arthur had worried that the lights were a little over the top and tried to convince Morgana to take them down. Now, seeing them reflect in Merlin’s eyes as he looked around the room in awe, he realized he owed her another thanks.
“Arthur? What’s going on?”
Arthur led Merlin into the circle of lights, dropped Merlin’s hand and turned to face him. With a steadying breath, he opened his mouth to tell Merlin everything.
“I lied, Merlin.”
The smile dimmed from Merlin’s face, and he cocked his head to the side.
“That day, when we agreed to this whole fake date thing…it was all a lie. There never was any party. I…I panicked, when it seemed like…” He paused. Inhaled deeply.
“Arthur?”
“But I was asking you out, on a real date. None of this pretend stuff. I…I like you. I love you.”
There. It was out of his hands. He’d been honest and now he could only hope that his heart wasn’t about to be crushed. That Merlin would—
Merlin, sweet, sexy Merlin, rushed forward and pressed his mouth, uncoordinated but oh-so-soft, to Arthur’s lips. One hand cupped Arthur’s neck, the other dug into his hair, and Arthur responded by wrapping his arms around Merlin’s back and pulling him close. It was so sudden, and so unquestioningly full of Merlin’s answer, that Arthur whimpered. The kiss softened and Merlin smiled into it. His hands gentled. Arthur smiled too, and they stood quietly, happy and breathing into each other’s space, until Arthur caught Merlin’s bottom lip softly between his teeth and it set them off again.
Arthur never wanted to stop kissing Merlin. In fact, he hoped to be able to kiss him every morning, every night, and every goddamned moment in between, for the rest of his life. Especially now that Arthur knew, after all these years, just how plump and giving Merlin’s lips really were. He may not have loved Merlin that whole time, but the man’s mouth had always been beautiful.
Maybe he had loved him and just not realized.
Merlin’s hands came around to cup Arthur’s face. He stilled their kiss and pulled back just far enough to look into Arthur’s eyes.
“You idiot. Of course I love you too.”
Arthur grinned wildly and touched his forehead to Merlin’s. He loved him back. He actually loved him back. “Really?”
“Yes, you great dollophead, I love you. Quite a lot, really. That day…I had hoped you were asking me out. I’m sorry I made you think I wasn’t interested. But I liked you for so long, and I was panicking too,” Merlin explained, biting his lip. “I think my brain just kind of flatlined.” Arthur grinned at the admission and kissed Merlin again.
He couldn’t believe he was kissing his best friend. Giving in to his happiness, Arthur peppered kisses over Merlin’s jaw and down his neck, making him laugh. He slowed, holding Merlin tightly and nosing into his neck to mouth at the warm skin there.
“I can’t believe I’m allowed to do this,” he said disbelievingly.
“Oh Sweetheart, you’ll get to do a lot more than this,” Merlin murmured into his ear with a huff of laughter. “Speaking of which…” A smirk tugged at his lips and he nudged Arthur backward toward the table until he was leaning against the edge. He dragged his lips across Arthur’s jaw and up to his ear. “Are we eating dinner and then going back to my place? Or the other way around?”
Arthur barked out a laugh. “Merlin, if you asked to go to the moon right now, I’d make it happen. I will literally do whatever you want me to.”
He could feel Merlin smile against his ear.
“Although you should know that it was Morgana who put all this together…”
“We should definitely eat first then,” Merlin said, standing up straight. “I don’t want to face her if she finds out we didn’t stay after all her hard work.”
Arthur twisted around to lift one of the silver domes to see what was for dinner. Morgana had a reputation for going all out, so he was expecting something fancy, like truffle oil risotto or butternut squash ravioli. But he had to laugh when all he found was a note. Merlin picked it up, read it, and grinned.
“I know you two want to go home to talk things out. I’ve left a bottle of wine and a veggie pizza in your fridge. You’re welcome.”
“Oh my god, I owe her so much,” Arthur said, but he truly didn’t care. It was all worth it, to have Merlin looking at him so adoringly, to have him take his hand and lead him back through the corridors, down to the exit and into a taxi.
Definitely worth it.