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Jack of Clubs: Truth or Dare
As the little chime sounded across the room, and the words lit up a screen embedded into a wall, Chishiya found himself shivering. The sling around his arm itched, too. So, yeah. He was having a bad few days. He backstabbed everyone at the beach, got his ass kicked as a result, almost got blown up by a grenade, Arisu was refusing to look him in the eyes anymore, and Niragi was not actually dead.Then, to top it all off, just what he needed. A game about sharing his feelings.The screen light up again, and continued:
Registration is now closed.

Number of participants: Six

Rules: All players must wear the provided headsets at all times and enter the nearby freezer. Once inside, all players must hang onto the bars whenever they are not playing Truth or Dare. Failure to hang onto the bars will result in penalties. Players may take turns participating in Truth or Dare and participants may chose within a time limit who will play next. Only one participant may be playing at a time, and all other participants must continue to hold onto the bars. Once all participants have decided the participant who will play next, the chosen participant must choose Truth or Dare. The Jack of Clubs will determine the prompt that will be made visible on the screen. The player must complete the prompt within the time limit or face penalties. All participants may ‘steal’ another participants’ prompt up to three times. Once a prompt has been stolen, it may not be stolen again. Once a prompt has been completed by a participant, the prompt will not appear again.

Time Limit: 1 hour.

Clear condition: Play the game for the 1 hour time limit with each participant answering three prompts minimum, including both Truth and Dare. Should the Jack of Clubs be impressed with your performance, all participants clear the game. If the Jack of Clubs is not pleased with the performance, it is Game Over for all participants.
♣ ♣ ♣They had left the beach under less than ideal circumstances. Chishiya had stolen all of the cards from Hatter, but not before Niragi had beat the shit out of Arisu for getting caught breaking into the safe, and not before Niragi also almost raped Usagi.Yeah. Not Chishiya’s brightest moment.In his defense, he knew Arisu was tough. If the worst thing Niragi did was rough him up a bit, he knew Arisu could take it. He had tried to get to Usagi as soon as he realized what was happening, but… he had to get the cards first. And then Aguni had beat Chishiya over the head with his gun. By the time Chishiya woke up, Arisu, Usagi, and Niragi were all missing. He decided to cut his losses. Aguni had apparently been so blinded by Hatter’s death and Chishiya’s inability to save him (Chishiya could do a lot of things, but bring back dead people was not one of them), that he did not even bother checking Chishiya’s pockets. So, awake but concussed, Chishiya had tried to leave the beach with the cards.Then the ten of hearts game started. Which, really, went as well as it could have gone.Chishiya had narrowly avoided making eye contact with Kuina, Arisu, or Usagi since meeting up with them when Mai announced more games.Getting shoved in the car with them, plus Ann and Tatta, was only the cherry atop the shitty cake.“Run, Chishiya!” Kuina had yelled, and Chishiya begrudgingly had shoved his hands in his pockets, ensuring the cards were still there, before sprinting towards the car as best he could. There was a faint metallic clink beneath his feet, and he looked down just in time to see the King of Spades had tossed a grenade. Chishiya tried to lean back, but Arisu grabbed him by the jacket and yanked him inside the car. Chishiya twisted, hitting his head on the roof of the vehicle, just as the grenade blew up and Ann drove off. His ears rung and something slammed into his right bicep, and burning—ripping pain followed.He saw Kuina’s mouth moving, wide eyes drifting down at his arm, but all he could hear was the high pitched ringing in his ears. He looked down, his hearing beginning to clear, and saw his arm drenched in red, a large piece of jagged rock embedded in it. Tatta gagged, paling considerably, upon seeing the wound in the rearview mirror.“Put your seatbelt on,” Chishiya said, stoic, staring at Arisu. He had been shoved in the man’s lap, with Kuina and Usagi also squished in the back seat.“What, was me getting tied up once not enough?” Arisu yelled over screeching tires and whipping wind, and if Chishiya was not already woozy from the arm wound, he might have flushed, because, okay, fair. Arisu still put on his seatbelt though.Then the car wrecked, and Ann got lost in the chaos. Chishiya had been forced to wrap his not-bloodied arm around Kuina, who was standing in the middle of the street looking like a lost deer. “No time, we will find her later,” Chishiya said.Kuina’s eyes glossed over. “But-“Chishiya gave her a look, and Kuina followed.Due to Chishiya’s injuries, they had been forced to lay low for a few days until he could get all of the pieces of rocks out of his own fucking arm. He had been tipsy for some of it, Arisu had been drunk for it, as a bottle of bourbon had been passed around to clean various wounds, physical or emotional.“I need some for my broken nail,” Kuina had said, slumped against a wall.Chishiya had spoke around a wooden stick as he stared at blood, muscle, skin, and frankly too much rocks and glass. “Bet Ann likes short nails.”Kuina threw a pillow at his feet. “Shut the fuck up. I’m not talking to you right now.”So, they had not kicked Chishiya out. But it did not take a genius to know that none of them were particularly happy with him. Which was fine. He was familiar with it. He only let himself wonder why Arisu withheld so many of the gentle touches when Chishiya was on the brink of falling asleep, then he did not have to think about it until the next night. He could manage. If anything, this was more familiar. Familiar was good. Familiar like their visas needing to be recharged, so they went searching for a game. Chishiya was concussed, so diamonds were not a good plan. Hearts were obviously out of the question. If the King of Spades was any sign about what the other Spades games would be like, no one wanted to do that. So, that left Clubs. Fortunately, the Face Cards were easy to find.The Jack of Clubs game looked to be held inside a market, and the same buzzing lights ran across the entryway and sealed them inside upon entering. The market was winding, and they had walked down two stories into a dimly light and cool space lined with heavy metal doors before finding a table with various headsets. Chishiya knew enough to be able to infer that they were in the freezer where the market kept their frozen goods, as a faint layer of mist swirled around and layers of plastic separated one room from another. Turning his attention away from the industrial freezer doors, Chishiya made note of the fact that the headsets on the table looked different from the contraptions worn during Werewolf. Arisu also mumbled something about this looking different—but not enough for comfort—from those he wore during Tag. Unfortunately, there was one dark figure already in the arena when they arrived at a market where this game was held.“No,” Usagi said, before the figure could fully even turn around. Her hands curled into shaking fists. Tatta shimmied in front of her slightly, legs trembling.Chishiya allowed himself a brief moment. His eyes widened, mouth dropped open slightly. “You should be dead,” he said.Niragi, who still had that self-satisfied smirk on his face despite the layers of wrappings and peeling, blistering skin, spread his arms in glee. “I’m gonna kill you, brat. Let the games begin.”Yeah. This was all less than ideal, as far as Chishiya was concerned.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“What happened to you?” Kuina asked, an echo of a laugh on the tips of her lips. “Aguni try to burn you in the witch hunt, too?”Niragi made a show of chuckling. “Oh, he didn’t tell you?” He looked Chishiya dead in the eye. Chishiya raised his chin and looked back, feeling the eyes of others on him. “Brat Macgyvered a flame thrower. Said he was gonna kill all the executives one by one.”“Not Ann,” Chishiya amended, hearing Kuina’s retort beginning.The same mechanical voice spoke overhead. “The game will begin momentarily. Please put on your headsets and enter.” One of the doors to the nearby freezer swung open, and already cold air rushed out towards them.“Are you serious, Chishiya?” Kuina hissed.The headset was weird. It settled almost like a crown, but with various crisscross pieces that wrapped over and around his head. Parts of it almost felt sticky. “I said I wouldn’t kill Ann.”Usagi grabbed Chishiya’s arm. “You did that to him?”“Well, I thought he died.”“Why?”Chishiya did not have to ask what Usagi meant, her voice was hard and her eyes shone. “Because he deserved that and more.”Niragi, in front of them, laughed.He was not sure if he was hearing things when Usagi mumbled, maybe not even for him to hear, a strangled ‘thank you’ before she walked on. Usagi and Arisu swapped quiet words in front of him upon entering the freezer, and for a moment Arisu’s gaze flickered Chishiya’s direction before diverting back to the floor just as quickly, but with less malice this time—more of a smile this time. Huh. Perhaps Chishiya could dig himself out of this grave, yet.“Ha! You’re fucked!” Niragi cackled, and the small sliver of Chishiya’s previous optimism diminished. This was why he was a pessimist, truly.The bars that they had to grab were quite a distance off the ground—too far for Chishiya to hold onto standing up. Everyone else could reach them, even if only barely, through standing. Chishiya would have to dangle, which would be hard enough, but then he had the bum arm. Chishiya’s jaw clenched.“Wait, you can use a box or something, right?” Arisu said, and Tatta began scanning the freezer where a dim blue glow cast everything in an eerie, almost underwater look. If Chishiya had to guess, the freezer was about zero degrees Fahrenheit or negative eighteen degrees Celsius. It might take them about thirty minutes or less before frostbite began. Arisu was frowning, and Tatta came up empty handed.Niragi looked towards a black mirror, the one-directional types which Chishiya had seen in police stations before. “Good one!” Niragi said, pointing over his shoulder at Chishiya.“Please assume your game starting positions,” the voice overhead said.Chishiya threw Kuina one look, and sighed. He shrugged out of his jacket, thankful to have the sweats and t-shirt on beneath, and threw the jacket at here. “Wear some more clothes next time,” he said.“I don’t-“ Kuina caught the jacket, looked at it, and frowned. “Thanks,” she mumbled, putting it on but not looking happy about it.There were more sets of bars than there were people, but the six of them were able to get into a vague semicircle with the one-directional window behind them and the television screen in front of them. The door shut, and the freezer got dimmer, the only light source coming from a strip of blue lights around various crates which lined the room. They all grabbed the bars; Chishiya hopped, but managed to hold on with one hand for the time being. The bars were cold and metal, however, and Chishiya was sure that if his hand were to get wet in the slightest, the next time he let go of the bars would be without the top layer or layers of skin on his palm.The screen light up, “Pick a participant to start,” and a 30 second timer began counting down.Arisu, ever the sacrificial lamb, said immediately, “I’ll go first,” and let go of the bars. Chishiya rolled his eyes, Usagi frowned.The screen quickly prompted, “Player One. Truth or Dare?”“Truth,” Arisu said without hesitation.The screen once again changed. “Player One. What is the biggest lie you have ever told?” The screen had a subtitle this time, another clock counting down 30 seconds titled: Time Remaining for Players to Steal. There was a second clock with a timer of 2 minutes for Arisu to answer.Silence fell. “No one steal Truths,” Chishiya said, voice taunt from dangling. “We only get so many steals, we cannot afford to use them on Truths. Everyone just deal with it and be honest. Truths won’t kill you, but dares will.”“I don’t wanna share my feelings with you shitheads,” Niragi said.“Wow,” Chishiya said, “Something we have in common.”Kuina groaned, “Shut the fuck up. Come on, Arisu. The quicker we answer, the quicker we get out of here.”It looked as if Arisu had been slapped. “Um. Shit, okay. Um.” He closed his eyes, and the clock counted town to one minute remaining. “After my mom died I told my dad that I was glad I still had him. That was sort of a lie. Since I actually wished I still had my mom with me,” his voice caught at the end. The screen flashed a cleared message, and Arisu grabbed the bars again.Again, the screen came to life. “Pick a participant to start,” it said, and a 30 second timer began counting down.“I’ll go,” said Usagi, letting go of the bars. She too chose truth, and was asked about her biggest regret. “Not spending more time with my dad.” The screen cleared her, and the game continued.Chishiya let go, mostly due to his arm throbbing more than he actually wanted to share. He picked truth, flexing his arm out as he did so. “Player Four: What is the biggest thing you have gotten away with?” The screen asked.“Biggest as in physical size, or biggest as in impact that it had on me?” Chishiya asked, partially to test if there was actually someone watching them, and to clarify.“The latter,” the screen said.“Huh,” Chishiya mused, taking his time thinking about it so as to let his arm rest. So there was someone watching them, likely the Jack of Clubs. Were they being judged? Or was this a performance where they had to put on a show? Interesting. Regardless, he knew the answer immediately. “I worked in pediatric cardiology, so a lot of the kids needed transplants. I let patients at the hospital who's family either funded the hospital or were politically connected skip other patients on the organ transplant list. Technically I did not give the green light for these procedures, but I did not report it.” Not that it may have even made a difference, that was so far above him in the hierarchy, but still. Reporting it would have eventually screwed over his parents. He… was not sure how he felt about that.The screen cleared him with 5 seconds remaining. Chishiya sighed, jumped, and grabbed onto the bar again, dangling with one hand.“Yall are a bunch of babies. I’ll go,” Niragi said, clapping his hands together. “Truth, just get it over with. I wanna get to the dares.”
“Player Five: What are you most self-conscious about?”
Niragi’s eyes widened. Kuina laughed. “The hell? Nothing.”“Lie detected,” the screen announced. Niragi paled, and a mechanical whirling came from overhead. Niragi barely dove out of the way as a large bucket of water splashed down where he had been standing, and splattered on the floor. Chishiya winced away from the ice water, made only exponentially worse by the cold in the freezer. “Please return to your position,” the screen requested.Niragi glared at the one-directional mirror. “You trying to freeze us, bastard?” He looked at the bar and Chishiya raised an eyebrow.“You put your hand there, good luck getting it off,” he said.Niragi flipped him off, and began wrapping his hands in cloth. His steps splashed through pooling water, which was already soaking into everyone’s shoes except for Chishiya’s. “Fine, bitch. I…” it took a long while for Niragi to get the words out, and by the time he did, the clock was ticking dangerously close to low. “I hate who I was before Borderlands. I was… shit, I was weak. I looked dumb. My old self, okay? You happy? Are you entertained enough?”Almost mockingly, the screen gave the cleared jingle before moving on. Niragi gently placed his wrapped hands back against the bar.Kuina and Tatta went next, and by the time they were done, Chishiya’s arm was burning, both tense and with pins and needles from the cold. Kuina was asked who she loves the most, and she eventually got the words out. “My mom. She supported me transitioning, even if it took her a while. I know I do not have a lot of time left with her, even if I do… get out of here. I feel like I have to love her more now than I did before to make up for the time I know I won’t have.”Tatta, then, was asked about his biggest fear. He hesitated considerably longer. “I don’t… I don’t know. I guess I do not want to die alone. I just want to have someone who cares about me—or even if I just think they care about me—with me when I die. Whether it is in this world or outside of here.”The screen was keeping track of their names and their progress to clear the game:
Player One: (T)-( )-( )

Player Two: (T)-( )-( )

Player Three: (T)-( )-( )

Player Four: (T)-( )-( )

Player Five: (T)-( )-( )

Player Six: (T)-( )-( )
“Pick a participant to start,” the screen said again, with another thirty second timer. Chishiya’s arm was starting to go numb, his grip on the metal bar skidding.Arisu, once again, let go. “It makes s-sense for us to go in a-a pattern. It gives us some recovery t-t-time,” his gaze lingered on Chishiya. Arisu’s teeth were beginning to chatter. “I choose Dare.”Multiple things happened at once. The screen displayed not one prompt, but two. “Player One: Pick one of the following two Dares: Be submerged in an ice bath for twenty seconds or choose another player to lash three times.” A crate off to the side opened with a screech of metal, revealing a knout with small, pointed wires woven into the rawhide. A second crate opened with a few layers, evidently insulated, because inside was a six feet by three feet tub of ice liquid, kept just warm enough inside so that it did not freeze when covered.And then Chishiya’s arm gave out.“Player One,” the screen announced. “Your Dare has been stolen by Player Four.”“What?” Arisu screeched, whirling on Chishiya, who was hunched over, trying to clutch at his good arm and massage it out, but his other arm—did it even matter which one was the bad or good one anymore?—was in a sling and did little to help. “Chishiya! What are you doing? You’re already hurt!”“I can’t keep holding on this whole time,” Chishiya huffed, gesturing up at the bar that he could not even reach. Everyone else was standing straight up, arms extended; Tatta in particular also struggled, but he could at least reach it while on his toes. Chishiya was not so lucky. “I did not intend to let go. Strength is not my...." okay, maybe the cold was getting to his head a tad. That or the concussion from the other day. "Strength,” he finished lamely.“Player One,” the screen said, “Please return to your position.” Arisu hesitated. Chishiya glared at him from across the room, a silent conversation had in a blink. Arisu’s lips pursed together. A moment passed. And Arisu went back to his location. Words continued flashing across the screen. “Player Four: Pick one of the following two Dares: Be submerged in an ice bath for twenty seconds or choose another player to lash three times.”As much as Chishiya wanted to knock Niragi around without consequence, he did not want to piss the man off even more. So, the choice was simple. He looked at one of the many the nearby clocks that said they had forty nine minutes to complete the game. He did the math in his head. If it was zero degrees Fahrenheit in the freezer, and the ice bath had to be kept at somewhere between thirty five and sixty degrees Fahrenheit (assuming it was water, he wanted to make that assumption, but if these games had taught him anything it was to make absolutely no assumptions without facts to back up the information), the ice might feel better, but only briefly. By the time he got out of the bath, the water on his person would make his risk for frostbite increase; he could be susceptible within likely twenty minutes or less if the ice bath bad been his initial exposure to the cold. But it was not. He had already been in the freezer for over ten minutes, so... he had maybe fifteen minutes before the risk began. Then another thirty four minutes in the freezer. With no ides what other prompts he would be given. Shit. But... he could be smart about this. He hsd treated hypothernia and frostbite before. He knew what would help, even if he could do little in this context. The clock was counting down, and he had to make a decision. He toed off his shoes and socks, hung his t-shirt and sweat pants on the bar he would be holding onto later, and tied as much of his hair into a bun as possible. “I’ll pick the ice bath. This better be water.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

As far as Chishiya could tell, it was water.Thank fuck.“Please submerge yourself fully into the bath,” the voice said overhead, the exact text presented across the screen. Chishiya groaned and glanced at the clock. He waited and waited until the clock ticked down as much as possible. Then, he slinked under the water with his breath held and one hand holding his bun. As soon as he was under for the required time, he pushed himself back up, blinking rapidly and exhaling. He could hold his breath alright, but was glad the requirement wasn't any more. Then again, the cold had helped. Of course, the dare itself was not the challenge; it was everything that came after it as he was forced to continue to play dripping wet and freezing. 
“Dare completed. Please return to your position.”
Not wasting time, Chishiya sprung up and out of the bath and shot his limbs out hastily. He kept his hair tied up and brushed across his arms and legs, trying to expel as much of the water (it was water, right? He was not about to taste it and find out) of his person. Not having any time for modesty, he shucked off his underwear and pulled his sweatpants and shirt back on.As he approached the bars, a different jingle sounded. A whirling noise followed, and a small slot in the wall opened. Inside was a metal stepstool. Chishiya’s eyes widened. “If we do more dares, maybe the game gives us things to help.” He placed the stool beneath the bars and realized he could reach without dangling. Well, perhaps the bastard was not entirely a sadomasochist. Chishiya put one sock back on his foot and the other on his hand, not wanting the skin to freeze and forcibly rip from the bars. Violently, his body shivered.“Are you alright?” Usagi surprised him by asking.It took Chishiya a moment to force out the words through chattering teeth. “F—fine.”
“Pick a participant to start.”
“I’ll go,” Arisu said, and Chishiya trembled as he met his gaze. The words couldn’t come out quickly enough, as if caught in Chishiya’s throat. But what was there to say? Be careful? Think this through? Don’t sacrifice yourself? Arisu knew all of those things. It felt pointless to tell them, but something still urged Chishiya to voice something. But he couldn’t get the words out. Arisu dropped to the floor.Tatta’s crackling voice echoed eerily in the room, “We should get dares over with. If we can do both truth and dare, we can do two truths and just one dare—I mean, we should do them before we get too cold and our bodies don’t work right.”“Good idea,” Chishiya said. “The first thing to go will be fine motor function.”Niragi snorted. “You all are a bunch of pussies-“Kuina’s jaw clenched. “Shut the fuck up-““Focus!” Arisu snapped. “Focus on the game. We play the game, we live.”“Participant one,” the screen displayed. “Truth or dare?”"I pick dare."Once again, the screen lit up. "Player one, pick another player (this cannot be yourself) to lash three times."Both Kuina and Tatta inhaled sharply. Chishiya saw Arisu's face pale, and his eyes widened. He would always, always pick himself to harm anyone. It was who he was. This might as well be putting a knife inside of his heart and twisting it-
"Player One. Your dare has been stolen by Player Five."
"No!" Chishiya looked over at the sound of a yell. Usagi and Niragi were no longer hanging onto the bars, but Niragi, Player Five, must have let go first."Player Two. Please return to your starting position." A timer counting backward from ten started, and Usagi spat at the ground in Niragi's direction. He blew a kiss in return. Usagi waited until the clock was down to two seconds before grabbing back ahold of the bars.Niragi, meanwhile, prowled around the group like a wolf.Do the dares build on each other? Lashing someone three times has been one of Chishiya's choices. If someone has to decide between two prompts and does not pick one, will it be the default the next time? There was not enough information for Chishiya to make any sort of decision or form a hypothesis.It was unclear if Tatta's voice was trembling from cold or fear. "If you hurt us, we aren't going to help you. Some of these dares might require us to–to work together.""Don't care." Niragi walked over to the wall, where another whirling noise sounded. Another compartment had opened up, and inside was a flail of some sort. It was bamboo, and Niragi lifted it with haste as if he expected it to be heavier than it was. "Niragi, be careful with that. That can really hurt someone," Arisu was staring at it. “That's a chigiriki.” It was not until Niragi turned around and experimentally swung the weapon's tail end that Chishiya realized there was a spiked something at the end. "Hurry the fuck up," Chishiya managed. Niragi smiled. "I got another minute. That's plenty of time. After all," someone yelled. Niragi lunged, and the clothing around Chishiya's neck tightened, pulling taunt. A ripping sound followed. Already shivering, the sudden burst of cold air along his back and chest meant little, but it was noticeable. Niragi had relieved Chishiya of his shirt. At least it was dark in here. Hot breath ghosted over his ear, and Chishiya's lip curled in disgust–that was the only sign of his discomfort. "Payback is a bitch." Confession time: Chishiya did not pride himself on his pain tolerance. He could handle a lot without blinking an eye, but that didn't mean he wasn't impacted. When the first hit landed, he jolted forward more from the suddenness than the burning swoosh–squelch of the weapon burrowing into soft skin. He grit his teeth and took it, until-Something on his back pulled.A clatter of wood. Squ–squ– As if his body resisted letting go of the weapon in a macabre tug of war-Chishiya screamed. "You're ripping his skin off, stop it!" Kuina screamed, flung herself off the bars, and front-kicked Niragi in the groin. 
"Player Three. Please return to your position." 
A timer started counting backward from ten. Chishiya groaned, "Kuina, go back." She wasn’t backing down. “Get away from him you psycho-”“Kuina!” Chishiya snapped. Kuina’s expression wobbled. Just as she returned to her bars, Niragi started cackling. “This thing is sick! Sinks into the skin and rips it right off as I pull. Ha, I like this game.” Chishiya took a deep breath. He wouldn’t show the bastard such displays again–he didn’t deserve the satisfaction. It was still a fucking bitch and a half to not scream the next two strikes. Chishiya felt blood and skin drop sloppily down his back. It wouldn’t take long for them to freeze–not good. Weak, disappointment, weak, feeble, a voice in the back of his head taunted. It sounded irritatingly like his father. He looked down and saw he was shaking much faster, not from cold but from pain, adrenaline, and fear. “Player Five, please return the flail and return to your position.” Tatta murmured, “Thank God he doesn’t get to keep it.” “Thanks!” Niragi waved and bowed towards the one-way mirror. “I needed to get that out of my system.” He brushed by Chishiya on his way back to the bars. Every exhale brought a white puff, so Chishiya saw his approach before he could feel it. Niragi hovered, and it took every bit of self-control that Chishiya could muster not to lean into the warmth radiating off his body due to survival instinct alone. “We’re just getting started, brat.” “How unoriginal,” Chishiya drawled.While Niragi returned to his bars, Chishiya made the mistake of looking up. Arisu was watching him, wide-eyed. Chishiya met his gaze, like stars winking at one another across the cold vastness of the ether. "My turn," Kuina decided. The screen gave the same introduction and choices. With a brave face, she chose dare. It was dark and silent for a beat until the screen loaded the prompt. Chishiya watched Kuina's confidence shrivel. "Cut your hair as short as you can without injury with the knife," the screen said. No one moved. "W--what?" if anyone else had gotten that dare, they may have thought they got off easy; but no one else got it. Kuina did. Gods, this game wanted to take and take and take everything."i dont get why its such a big fucking deal," drawled Niragi. "Just get it over with. It's boring-"the screen chimed, "Dare stolen by Player One." Arisu had released his bars. Kuina stared at him, her mouth agape. "I'll do it," he said matter-of-factly. "It's just hair for me. But it's l--like..." for a blink, Arisu looked uncertain. "It’s your identity for yo--you, sort of, right?" His words were not said eloquently, but the intention was clear. For a heartwrenching moment Chishiya thought Kuina was going to cry. "I'll fix it for you later," Kuina said, swallowing down any previous flicker of emotion. "Make sure it looks good."Again, Niragi groaned. "I don't fucking get it." No one replied. "Wait." Arisu walked over to the wall and began pulling up strands of almost-chin length hair and cutting them methodically but briskly. "Oh shit. It's because you have a dick, right?" Chishiya surprised everyone by saying, "Shut--t--t the fuck up, asshole." "What? She does! I... erm. I think." Kuina face flushed and she stared at the ground. Then she grinned, all treeth. "As if I would ever let you see me naked, Niragi. You don't get to know shit about me." Silently, Chishiya watched her and his head cocked to the side in silent question. Kuina blinked a few times and nodded. Shaking his head once to knock a few loose strands free, Arisu returned to the bars. His hair was cut to approximately eighteen millimeters. "My dad has b--been trying to get me to do this f--for weeks," he said, a small laugh bubbling up. Chishiya couldn't tell if it was real, and that really wouldn't do. He needed to read people. So why couldn't he read Arisu?“I’ll go,” Usagi said, and Chishiya couldn’t help but sigh of relief. Arisu looked like he had been slapped. “You gotta be fast,” Usagi said, equal parts apology and explanation. Before the screen could display the question, she said, “I pick dare.” And she dropped from her bars. Everyone tensed. Water did not fall from the ceiling. “Maybe no one,” Usagi’s gaze flickered to Niragi without looking him in the eye, “can steal our dares if we claim them before we can hear what they are.” As the screen lit up, another slot opened in the wall, yielding a Smith and Wesson Bodyguard 380 pistol. “Player Two, for the first part of this dare, pick a number between one and six.” Usagi started jogging around the room. “What the fuck are you doing, bitch?”“Keeping my temperature high,” she said, not looking Nirgai in the eye. “There are six of us.”“There are also two chambers of six bullets in that gun,” Chishiya said. “The numbers could be referring to that as well. Like Russian roulette.” “I didn’t know you knew guns,” Arisu said.Chishiya frowned. “I did a brief residency in the U.S. What can I say? They know their gun violence.” “Pick number one,” Arisu said, chest hitching slightly with each breath. “Either it–it might be one s–shot, or it might be me. I–I don’t think they w–would kill us right away if we have to ent–entertain the Jack.” Usagi’s expression wavered. “I pick one.”
“Not every chamber in the gun is loaded. Shoot yourself one time. Nonliving tissue, such as hair, or phalanges, such as fingers or toes, do not count.” 
Kuina inhaled sharply. "What the fuck?" A whimper sounded from Tatta."Let's go," Niragi whistled. The screen light up, and a timer counting down for thirty seconds began. It blinked every time a second was lost, casting the room in a disturbing, almost strobe light effect. The puff of their breath and the bath mist seeped along the floor. It looked like they were in an ice cave with blue light and spindles of frost creeping along the surfaces. Usagi looked at him, and Chishiya blinked a few times to clear his head. His back was still throbbing, and the smallest of movements pulsed more agony through him. "The outer thigh. Try to make it go through. I mean outer–" fuck, he must be cold. His words were not coming out right. "Shoot the outside, aim for the outside to be the exit wound. There aren't any arteries there. It's mostly muscle and fat, likely won't--won't be lethal."Usagi picked up the gun and held her own wrist steady. Chishiya swallowed. Good fucking thing his professors forced ample bedside manner training on him. It was the one thing that almost got him expelled from school at first. He knew how to put on a pretty, reassuring smile and keep it there. "Usagi, look at me." She did, albeit slowly. The room was still blinking as the timer began. "Do it quickly," he said, speaking slowly to keep his voice steady. "Point the gun away from the int--interior of your leg, try to get it as perpendicular as you can so it passes through. It might not even fire. You'll be okay. You'll need to t–tie the wound off above it, between it and your heart, as soon asyour're done. I can fix the rest once we get out of here. Does that make sen–sense?""Y–yes." Something in Usagi's expression hardened then, and it was like Chishiya watched her turn into a status, cold as stone, but not just her skin–her heart and mind. She would survive this, Chishiya had no doubt. "You can do it." "The timer–guys!" Usagi laid down and positioned the gun. She looked at Chishiya again. He nodded and watched as she breathed out, and-Click.The gun didn't go off. 
"Player Two, return to your position." 
Usagi struggled to inhale properly but returned to the bars after putting the gun back into the slot. The door shut, cutting access to the weapon off just like the game had the chigiriki. Tatta's voice cut through the heavy silence as the screen stopped flickering, and the following prompt wasn't displayed yet. "Can–can we please do truths for a minute? I–I need a break. I'm sorry. I know I haven't even done anything yet but–but–I I think I'm going to b s–sick. Please. I need a break. I'm sorry. I'm s–sorry." It did not even occur to Chishiya that most people were not so used to the smell of blood. It clogged his nose, but he did many rotations in surgery units. He was used to breathing through his mouth and not worrying about it. He coukd handle living in a proverbial powder keg. Arisu, kind as always, smiled at Tatta. "Sure. That's fine." Something about his tone even caused Chishiya's shoulders to uncurl. God, what was happening to him? When did the words of an almost stranger sink into him and wrap around his muscles like a balm? He didn't deserve it, that much he knew. He got Arisu beat to shit, he almost got Usagi raped, almost got Ann killed. He could not even end these games by himself."Chishiya," Arisu's voice pulled him from his thoughts. "You should go." Silently, Chishiya frowned, his eyebrows pulling together in silent question. “Niragi is not going to make this easy for you. You’ve done a dare. Just be done, and maybe the game will exclude you from future prompts.”“You and I both know that probably isn’t true, Arisu.” Arisu’s expression contorted. “Just–please?” Odd. Arisu never begged for anything. Niragi’s low laugh carried around the room, choking him. “Fine.” Chishiya sighed, dropped onto the stepstool, and gingerly hopped off to get to the ground, groaning when his back tugged. He picked up the shirt Niragi had ripped off, put his sock back on his foot, and began wrapping his hands with strips of the white cotton fabric. “I pick truth.” 
“Each truth will now have three questions associated with it.” 
Motherfucking great. 
“Player Four, question one: what is your biggest turn on?”
Chishiya almost choked on his own spit. Niragi cackled. “What the fuck?” Kuina’s voice tilted upwards. “Did a twelve year old come up with this?” The thing was, Chishiya had to think about it. He certainly was not asexual, but he was close. It took a lot to get him interested. However, he doubted the game would care much for the nuances of the sexual spectrum. The precise condition was for everyone to answer both truths and dares for one hour, resulting in a minimum of three prompts each, and for the Jack of Clubs to be pleased with their performance. He would have to work under the assumption that pleased meant sadistically amused. Morbidly, he could actually respect that. “Because I do not want to get accused of lying,” not that he couldn’t get any colder given he was already soaked, but the point still stood, “In what context do you mean?”“Sex, you dingus,” said Niragi. “Not that I’d be surprised if you were a virgin.” The screen paused as if the Jack of Clubs was thinking. “In a sexual context, not a flirting or dating one.” Odd. It was as if the person on the other end of the screen was more conversational in their descriptions. The more questions Chishiya asked, the more information he could gleam. Based on this alone, and there were not many other variables to consider, the Jack could be younger. Huh. Interesting.“I…” He had to think. “Probably… I,” he couldn’t be sure, but he almost felt warm for a flash of a second, which would be a miracle--but he didn’t think it was any sort of comfort returning to his body. And it wasn’t the frostbite setting in; if anything, he would feel neutral before he got warm if his body was beginning to go hypothermic, and he was still trembling like a leaf. “I like my partner occasionally to tell me what to do.” Niragi snorted. “I shouldn’t be surprised you’d be a brat, 'Shiya.”Chishiya stared straight ahead, trying not to flinch, and then the screen had the nerve to ask, “Why?” Chishiya wanted to fling himself off a bridge. “My job requires me to make decisions quickly and under stress; same thing with these games. I like to not have to worry about choices sometimes. I like pushing my partner’s buttons but I know I can’t do that forever. Eventually I lay off, but it takes a while before I do. At that point, I like them calling the shots.”
“Final question. Within the context of these games, if you had to pick one person to save out of everyone present here, who would you pick?” 
That… was a lot less easy to answer. Or maybe it wasn’t. Chishiya sighed, his back twinging. A sticky sensation of blood itched at his skin as it smeared across his back. He was finding it harder to move without stretching his body as if the earliest bits of ice were trying to entrap him. Fuck. Chishiya really hated his emotions sometimes. “It’d be Arisu." ♠♠♠ Player One: (T)-(D)-( )Player Two: (T)-(D)-( )Player Three: (T)-( )-( )Player Four: (T)-(D)-(T)Player Five: (T)-(D)-( )Player Six: (T)-( )-( )

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“If you could do one thing over in your life, what would it be and why?”

Tatta groaned. He swung his arms back and forth and briskly walked around the room, not as fast as Usagi had jogged, but enough to keep his blood pumping. “I wouldn’t have dropped out of high school,” he said through gasps, and Chishiya was unsure if they were from exertion, cold, or fear. “I wanted to be a stand up comedian but no one liked my jokes, then I couldn’t find the motivation to go back to school. I feel like I just… I fucked my entire–entire life up for one thing that… that I wasn’t even any good at!”

“When you look at the person who you are right now, what do you think about them?”

If Chishiya had been asked that question, he genuinely was unsure how he would have answered it. He narrowed his eyes slightly as Tatta stumbled. It would be interesting to hear how anyone would answer it, really.

“Ah, I don’t know… I think he’s a fucking idiot.” Niragi snorted, but it wasn’t his usual bitter-sounding one. It actually sounded… empathetic? Or at least sympathetic. Tatta kept jogging. “I think… he tried his best at something he thought he was good at, and everyone told him he was good at it, but that was just because they were being nice. If they had been honest, maybe he would have been more realistic in terms of his… his standards. I think he doesn’t want… like, to keep working at an autoshop for the rest of his life.” A long pause followed, and the question remained on the screen, silently coaxing him into continuing. “He’d be afraid of dying alone, and I think that’s… actually really valid. Shit. I-” Tatta’s voice cracked. “I’m proud he’s still alive in these games.”

“Thank you. Player Six, you may return to your position.”

With a long breath, Tatta curled over and returned to the bars he was holding onto.

Chishiya gripped his own bar tighter in response.

Shit.

He realized something.

Shit, shit.

Chishiya wasn’t shivering anymore.

“I’ll go next,” Kuina announced, dropping her arms at her sides and taking up Usagi and Tatta’s lead by moving around the room. “I pick dare.”

“Player Three, your dare is to pick a brand in the corner.” As if on cue, a whirling noise sounded, and a compartment in the wall was opened. “Each of them contain a single word or image. You must pick three individuals to brand.”

Chishiya’s mind raced. How would skin react to such cold temperatures when exposed to burning hot metal?

The timer began to tick down from ten minutes.

“Oh, do me!” Niragi said, his voice hitching.

Kuina’s upper lip curled as she walked over to the words. She glanced over the brands–and they were cattle brands but not glowing orange.

“Liquid nitrogen, freeze branding,” Usagi said, “my grandfather was a rancher. He used these all the time on his animals.”

Scratch that. Chishiya would have to remember how to heal burns but cold. Liquid nitrogen he could deal with.

Burns but cold? Okay, yeah. He wasn’t doing well. The cold was getting to him.

He would deal with that later.

“Fantastic, Niragi. I’ll brand you,” Kuina said, not turning away from the instruments. “Can I brand myself?”

“No,” the screen said along with the robotic voice overhead. “You must pick two more participants to brand.”

Chishiya said through gritted teeth, “Arisu if you volunteer for this I swear.”

“I–” Arisu hesitated. “I wasn’t!”

“I have an idea,” Kuina walked over to Chishiya and grabbed some of the shirt hanging off the edge of his bar. “Are you okay?” she whispered.

Chishiya smiled, “When am I not?”

She rolled her eyes, but her smile was strained. She ripped four pieces of the shirt off and dipped the end of two of them in some of the drops of blood on the floor. She shook the fabric as best as possible, crumpled the pieces, and put them in her hands.

“That’s not sterile.”

“Shut up, Chishiya.”

Kuina walked around the room to Arisu, Usagi, Tatta, and Chishiya. Each pulled out a piece of fabric from Kuina’s cupped hands, keeping their eyes shut. She counted backwards from three and-

Tatta and Chishiya were holding the bloody pieces.

“Shit, okay. Fuck,” Tatta was mumbling under his breath. Chishiya just took a deep breath in and accepted it.

“What are our options?” Niragi asked, sounding much too excited. “Do a word. A little image is what pussies get when they’re too afraid of anything big.”

“Oh, no,” Kuina picked up one, held it behind her back, and winked. “I get to pick yours. Don’t worry, it’s not a symbol. It’s special, just for you. Where do you want it? With all those piercings you should take this like a champ.”

Niragi’s previously amused expression fell. “What is it?”

Before he could look at the instrument, Kuina ripped Niragi’s shirt up, exposing a snake tattoo on Niragi’s left side. She jammed the brand against his side, directly above the rumps of his ribs along his narrow frame. Niragi hissed as Kuina wiggled the instrument back and forth to get both sides of whatever the design was.

“Fucking easy,” Niragi drawled once Kuina pulled the instrument back.

“Right,” Kuina said, spinning the design for the show before lifting it to Niragi’s eye level. It took a moment for him to work it out; the word was backward so it showed up correctly on the brand, but then-

“You fucking bitch!” Niragi lunged, and a bucket of water immediately dropped down on him. Kuina laughed, springing backward. With a scramble, Niragi’s shoe caught on an ice patch, and his arms whirled, but not quickly enough to prevent him from slamming into the concrete below them.

“I thought you said you could take a little pain?” Kuina made a show of pouting. Niragi flipped her off when the screen warned him to return to the bars or face an electric shock for a repeat offense.

Chishiya had on a Cheshire grin. He looked at her in silent question.

“It says

insecure.

It suits you.”

A chorus of chortles followed.

“I’ll fucking kill you,” Niragi said, voice low.

“Now,” Kuina winked and returned to the wall. “Tatta, here are your options; you got a heart, diamond, spade, or club; that’s obvious. Then you have

insecure, indolent, rapist

–I would have given that one to Niragi but he would wear it with pride, as well as

devil

, and

selfish

-”

“I want that one,” said Chishiya.

Arisu huffed. “You’re not-”

“I am. I want that one.”

Kuina sighed and zipped up Chishiya’s jacket the rest of the way.

“I’ll just take the club,” whispered Tatta, his voice quiet.

The process of putting the brand on Tatta was much softer and described than Niragi’s. Kuina walked him through each step, explaining what she was doing and where it was going. She said low words of reassurance that Chishiya could not hear, even as Tatta howled when the brand finally connected with his right forearm.

Tatta laughed, the sound bursting from him. “Oh. That. Huh. That actually wasn’t so bad!”

Chishiya didn’t have the heart to tell him that the healing process would hurt more than the application.

“I’m sorry, Chishiya,” said Kuina, walking over to him and biting on her faux cigarette so hard that it was beginning to indent.

“It is not your fault. Putting it on my back is fine.”

“But the lashes from Niragi-”

“It’s fine.”

Kuina sighed and walked around behind him. She paused. “Chishiya… what-”

“It’s

fine

, Kuina.”

He could feel the others looking at him. Chishiya forced himself to keep staring at the ground before he could accidentally meet one of their gazes. He could feel the cold from the liquid nitrogen near the space between his shoulder and spine, where Niragi hadn’t hit; all he could do for this moment in time was hope that the wounds did not interfere with the healing of the other.

“Three, tw-”

“Just do i-” Chishiya’s voice cut off; it felt too cold and too hot, and he heard his teeth crack together as he tried not to let any sound out, but something that he told himself was just a natural reaction to pain did anyways-

Black spots were dancing in his vision.

He could do this.

“All done! All done. You did great, Chishiya.” Kuina ran over to the wall, did a few more laps to keep her temperature up, and returned to her spot when the timer reached ten seconds.

Meanwhile, Chishiya blinked the spots away and couldn’t bite back the moan at how everything burned and tugged in the worst ways, but even the cold wasn’t hurting anymore.

Which… was not a good sign. But at least his hands were no longer pulsing. Niragi had to be feeling it, too, which did give him a bit of retribution to keep going.

“I’ll go and pick truth,” said Arisu, dropping from the bars. “Don’t forget, Tatta,” his name got the man to look up from the unnaturally white skin on his forearm, “You still need to do one dare.”

Tatta blanched.

The screen blinked.

“Player One, your first question is: rank your fellow players in terms of who you would be most to least willing to take a bullet for.”

Images of their faces appeared on the screen next to five empty, numbered slots. Arisu let go of the bars and approached the screen.

“Who I would… get shot for?”

“Arisu!” Usagi snapped, pulling Arisu out of wherever his mind had taken him. The clock was counting backward from one minute. “They might test if you are being honest either from the top or from the bottom!”

“Right,” Arisu clenched and unclenched his hands and moved Niragi to the bottom spot. Then, his hand froze.

Chishiya peered at the screen, “Does this question mean right now? Or in general?”

“At the current moment.”

“Oh,” Arisu’s voice trembled as he momentarily rested his forehead on the screen. “I’m sorry. You’re–you’re in the best shape right now,” he said as he moved Usagi’s picture to the next slot up, followed by Kuina.

“Put Chishiya, he’s the doctor,” Tatta yelled. Arisu gripped his hair, and his hands hovered.

The timer kept counting down.

“But what if they test it somehow?”

“There’s no wrong answer, Arisu. Just pick.”

Arisu huffed and pushed Tatta’s image into the second to top slow and Chishiya at the top.

Chishiya forgot to breathe for a few moments as he looked around the room, waiting for a sudden motion or a loud mechanical noise. None came. Chishiya leaned against the bar, putting the ripped t-shirt between his forehead and the cold metal. At least it wasn’t feeling so cripplingly cold anymore.

“Player One, out of everyone here, who would you be most willing to shoot?”

There was a brief flicker of hesitation, or maybe Arisu was simply catching his breath. “Niragi.”

“Asshole.”

“This next question is for Player One. If everyone answers, however, you all will be given a reward.”

Niragi’s voice was getting a bit slower, “Whatever.”

“You’re doing it,” Arisu said, voice firm. “It said we will all be given a reward. You stand to benefit, too.”

“The question is: What is something you will never forgive your parent(s) or guardian(s) for?”

A ripple seemed to pass between each of them. Arisu spoke first.

“My mom smoking, because it killed her. And my dad for…” Arisu’s voice turned into a croak swiftly overtaken by a shiver, “for saying what he said to me when I asked to see her during the funeral proceedings. I know he was grieving, too, but… yeah. That’s my answer.”

Tatta laughed humorlessly, “For pressuring me to take over my dad’s automobile shop. That’s probably why I tried so hard to do literally anything else.”

Kuina’s answer was predictable, at least to Chishiya. “For my mom using tanning beds–that’s why she’s sick now–the–the cancer metastasized to her brain. Also for my dad pushing me away when I transitioned.”

“Don’t gotta bribe me to talk bad about my folks,” Niragi drawled, but his words were choppier in their cadence. “They never taught me how to like–stand up for myself. Or how to fight for myself…”

“...my dad chasing fame when he could have just stayed home…”

Distantly, a noise echoed across the freezer.

Then it sounded again.

A third time, but closer.

“Chishiya!”

“Huh,” Chishiya’s head snapped up, and he blinked his eyes open. His stepstool wobbled with the sudden movement, and he twisted, his hand around the bar tightening-

His back was on fire as the ground rushed up to meet him.

His shoulder scraped along the icy floor, the stool ricocheting against the wall. This time, Chishiya couldn’t stop the pitched sound from escaping. He wanted to curl up and sleep.

Oh. Oh no.

Blearily, he picked himself up with one shaking hand and looked at the clock.

There were still 18 minutes left in the game. “Hyp…hypothermia,” Chishiya mumbled. “Cause of the water.”

Arisu looked pale, and Usagi was a breath away from helping him stand herself.

“Player Four, return to your position.”

Wordlessly, Chishiya dragged the stool back and clambered to grab the bar. He heard Niragi make some noise that he couldn’t devote any brainpower to figuring out. Then he remembered what they were doing; if everyone answered the question, they would get something. Perhaps it would keep them alive long enough to finish the game. “I…” he needed to string his sentences together.

“Chishiya,” Arisu said, his voice almost reverent yet strangled in worry.

In reply, Chishiya managed a tiny smile. “For…” unreasonable expectations. Pride. Not listening. Hurting. Silence. Marriage. Patients. It was as if his thoughts were turning to tar, sticking everywhere and getting spread too thin. “For… they only did it two–erm--three times. Hurting me when I called them on the… the management of the hospital. I told them. That’s why I didn’t report it. And they did… not what I wanted.”

One thing that Chishiya was good at was, surprisingly for many, honesty. It came with the territory of working in medicine. So, even though the wall spat out two Combat Application Tourniquets still vacuum sealed and two large blankets, he was self-aware enough to say, “I’m not okay.”

“Fuck, Chishiya,” Kuina mumbled. “About time you said it–t out l–loud.”

Someone wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. Chishiya saw it was Arisu, who grabbed his wrist once and squeezed it. “I’ll get you through this,” Arisu whispered. Chishiya managed to grin. His head lolled slightly, resting on the side of Arisu’s for a fraction of a moment.

“Player One,” the screen said, and Chishiya felt Arisu stiffen. “Carry out the contents of your Truth.”

A compartment in the ceiling opened, and something round dropped in the center of the circle of participants. The barrel of a gun was trained at each of their legs.

Kuina shrieked. A morbid, cackling sound came from Niragi. With a heave, Tatta pulled himself up along the bars so his feet were dangling around where his knees were previously.

An eerie silence enveloped Arisu. He squeezed Chishiya’s wrist again and slowly walked between Chishiya and the gun as if practicing a dance.

Chishiya was pretty sure this was what a near heart attack felt like. “Arisu-”

Five gunshots rang out. 
 
Player One: (T)-(D)-(T)

Player Two: (T)-(D)-( )

Player Three: (T)-(D)-(D)

Player Four: (T)-(D)-(T)

Player Five: (T)-(D)-( )

Player Six: (T)-(T)-( )

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A lot happened at the same time. Five gunshots went off.

Kuina screamed; her voice pitched and cut off sharply–Chishiya tensed and saw a trail of blood rolling down her calf; the bullet seemed to go through the tissue in the back. He could see an exit wound. Small mercies.

Niragi had tried to jump only to howl. He held his right leg up, hopping on his left. “Fucker shot me!”

If Chishiya was right, the bullet obliterated the bones in Niragi’s foot.

It must have been a minor miracle because Usagi seemed to jump fast enough to avoid the bullet. Something metal ricocheted off the back wall.

Chishiya tensed. He saw Arisu’s body flinch. A gasp followed.

“Huh?” Tatta moaned, looking down at himself and around. “I–ha! I’m alright!”

Arisu teetered backward, looking for a moment like he would pass out until he collided with Chishiya and used his bars to support himself. Chishiya nudged him with his bad arm. “The top two were blanks. That’s why they gave us three tourniquets.”

“Ev… everyone who got shot lemme see,” Chishiya managed.

None of the blood seemed to be squirting out by anyone’s heartbeat. That was all Chishiya could hope for. Maybe the cold was actually doing them a favor in that regard.

“How do we put the tourniquets on Kuina and Niragi?” Tatta asked.

Chishiya bit back his moan as he inhaled too quickly. “Don’t. The CATS are only for art…artery bleeds. You’ll hurt y’self more.”

“Player One, please return to your position.”

Arisu tightened the blanket around Chishiya’s shoulders and squeezed him and the blanket. “Hey, look at me.”

Chishiya did and managed a tiny smile. Arisu’s eyes looked like molten onyx, oil-slick and reflecting so many different, minuscule shades. The short hair suited him, even if it was patchy and uneven. He had a kind smile. It was like so many of the parents of Chishiya’s patients who looked at him as if he had all of the answers in the world for giving their children a little more time, even if it wasn’t much.

What sort of people did Arisu surround himself with if he looked at Chishiya as if he hung the stars in the sky?

Maybe those people were good, and the Borderlands killed them.

“We are going to get out of here,” Arisu said. “I promise.”

“Careful, Arisu... Don’t make promises you cannot keep.”

“I’m going to do everything I can to keep it, though. I think that’s enough. The--the trying.”

Chishiya’s expression did not change. “I should st… start callin’ you Patroclus.”

Due to the metal step stool, Arisu had to stand on his toes to kiss Chishiya on the forehead. Chishiya was struck silent.

“Player One, please return to your position.”

As soon as Arisu returned to his bars, a bucket of water fell on him, soaking through his clothes. Arisu gasped.

“I–I-” Tatta’s teeth clacked audibly as he tried to talk. “I’ll just d–do my dare now. I want to get it over with. Can I go?”

“Player Six, truth or-”

Tatta dropped from the bars and said, “I pick dare.”

“Player Six, choose between holding your breath underwater for two minutes or slicing your eye with a provided pocket knife.”

Tatta paled. “I–I can’t do either of those things!”

Usagi leaned forward until her arms were behind her. “Yes you can, Tatta! Most humans easily can hold their breath that long, plus we–we’re really cold. That will help slow down your heart–t–t rate.”

“Slow–slow, deep breaths,” Chishiya said. “I mean–slow exhales.”

“Chishiya is right! Divers do it all th–the time! Exhale a lot and really slowly before you go in.”

Tears gathered in Tatta’s eyes. “O–okay.” It took him a few attempts, but he managed to slow his breathing as he walked towards the same water bath Chishiya had been in earlier. Tatta knelt at the side of the tub.

“Please submerge your head in the water to begin the countdown.”

“D–d–deep breaths. Long exhales.”

Tatta grabbed the tub's edge with both hands and leaned forward. Just when he curled his back over the edge and lowered his head past the edge of the rim, he yelped. “Wait!”

A mechanical noise, like a sliding sensation, cut through the room. Chishiya couldn't see much, but he saw the tension of Tatta pulling up and backward as if he were trying to get away from the tub. Something was keeping him in place. He pulled, his feet scrambling and scraping along the icy ground, to no avail. Something was holding his head in place. His yells echoed oddly, sounding aquatic yet compact.

"HOLD YOUR BREATH!" Arisu screamed.

Whatever Tatta said was cut off by an inhale–and then silence.

The silence stretched.

It was going to be an agonizing two minutes.

"Who wants to take bets on if he's gonna die in there?" Niragi asked.

Kuina flipped him off, "Shut the fuck up."

Every second felt like a minute by itself.

"'Shiya?" Kuina broke the silence, her voice wobbling. She looked pale, and blood continued to roll lazily down her leg, half frozen sludge half liquid. "I'm sorry." He stared at her. "For… including you in the brand dare, I mean. That was… it–it was stupid of me."

"Why?"

"Cause you're hurt!"

It took Chishiya too long to weave his thoughts into something comprehensible, and even then, it was far from perfect. "No. I would have… I wouldn't have let you n–not incl–include me. The J–Jack has to be pleased with… performance, remember? If we ta–tap out, they might not be. I'm in. All the way. Same as everyone."

He saw a battle wage war across Kuina's expression, and finally, grim acceptance won out.

"Just be careful. D–don't be stupid."

"Rich coming from you, Ari…" Chishiya had half a mind to try and repeat his name but gave up. It was fine. It kind of worked, anyway. "Ari," he tried it out again.

Tatta's legs and feet shuffled every so often.

"He's gonna make it," Usagi said lowly.

Niragi snorted. "Fat chance. Fucker can't even move his head. Didn't even breath well be--before going under."

"He's gonna make it."

The seconds continued to tick lazily by.

"We're almost done," Arisu tried to sound upbeat. "Just Usagi and Niragi are the only ones left to go."

"I wanna do a dare," Niragi looked to puff up his chest, but with all of the bandages beginning to freeze to his person, it looked pained. "Truths are for wussies."

"And doing the smart thing to win," Kuina made a show of twirling a finger around in the air, "obviously wuss behav–ow, ow, fuck." She must have stepped or twisted wrong because Chishiya saw her jerk forward, wrapping both hands around her calf, smearing blood around her pale pink skin.

When she let go of the bars, the screen announced,

"Player Three, please return to your position."

A string of muttered curses followed as Kuina reached back up to the bars. "Try not' touch it," Chishiya said, sounding frustratingly small. It was still bleeding profusely. "Ac'ly–Kuina. Put the CAT on. Put it th… both buckles. Cause it's on your leg. It should hurt, it's so tight."

"That's what she said," Kuina muttered, batting the tourniquet closer to her with her good leg while dangling from the bars to support her weight. She ripped the plastic open, and the velcro sound berated in the silence.

Water sloshed over the tub's edge, and Tatta sputtered, tumbling feet overhead as he fell backward onto the floor. His chest rose and fell, fluttering like a hummingbird's wings as he struggled to gulp enough oxygen. He coughed, rolling over and heaving out mouthfulls of water onto the ground.

"You did it! Tatta!" Usagi almost laughed. "You did great!"

"I-" gasp, "wanna go-" another gasp, followed by a round of wet, hacking coughs, "sleep!"

"Player Six, please return to your position."

Arisu's expression danced. Kuina wiggled back and forth as if trying to hop out her joy on her good remaining leg.

"Fuck yeah, not let's get to some-"

"I'll go," Usagi announced, dropping to the floor. "I pick truth."

"Motherfuckers boring as shit-"

"Player Two. You may answer these truths individually or everyone may answer them for a reward. Your questions are: Did you ever kill before the borderlands? Did you ever save a life before the borderlands? And how do you romantically and sexually identify? Remember, all participants must complete a total of three prompts in the remaining eleven minutes, and your performance must please the Jack of Clubs to meet the clear condition."

Usagi nodded and started jogging around the room again, arms outstretched to help balance along icy patches. "Okay, you heard them. W–we gotta go quick. Everyone, just be honest and answer quickly. And," Usagi glared at Niragi, who was sticking out his tongue, "everyone would answer. We cannot afford to lose any advantages now or in future games. Let's start with the first two." Some of Usagi's words blurred together, but Chishiya could make enough sense of them. Thank fuck, someone was taking charge. "No and no for me. Arisu, your turn."

"Uh," Arisu's voice caught. "I've never killed anyone, no. I–Chota. He… I talked him down from killing himself, once. So… yeah. That. Kuina?"

"Never killed, and–well. Does saving myself by transitioning count? Other–otherwise, no."

Tatta said no to both, but Chishiya's brain was beginning to go a little fuzzy.

Shit. He had to think. "Um. Does fa–failed surgeries count? Then… no. Tried to save lots but–not outside of the hospital. Tried to report some killings–I mean, diff–differently than the hospital."

"You what?" Kuina's voice hitched. "We're talking about whatever the fuck you mean when you're level headed!"

Whatever Chishiya had said must have been accurate enough for the Jack to accept the answer, which was great because Chishiya's thought process was as valuable as Niragi's in a meditation class.

Someone said something.

"You're definitely lying," Kuina accused.

"I'm n–not!" Niragi was starting to go boneless as if his shivering was slowing down. The slightest movements caused him to wince, picking up his foot and lowering it, only to hiss and lift it again. Whatever was left of his shoe was destroyed; it was wreckage of fabric and leather, blood and bone. Chishiya was going to thoroughly enjoy fishing the bullet out without giving him any anesthesia. "I didn't k–kill anyone before here, okay? I didn't save any one, either. I–I was different. Weak. So, no. Happy?"

"Good work," Usagi said, looking at everyone but Niragi. "N–now the next question. I'm aroace."

Niragi's voice twisted. "What the fuck-"

"Later!" Usagi snapped. Someone was speaking again. "Chishiya!" He looked up at the sound of Usagi saying his name. "You go about th–the romantic and sexual id–identities question. You're about t–t–to pass out."

Fucking great. This was fine. Everything was going so, so well.

Shit. He wanted to lie down.

God. He deserved this if he was being altruistic about everything. He had this coming for a while. Even if everyone else in the room except for Niragi seemed to miraculously forgive him in record time (sometimes friendly people freaked the fuck out of him), that did not change the fact that Chishiya was… unsure about his actions.

He needed the cards, but he hurt many people in the process. He didn't regret his decision, and he wouldn't change it.

So why, whenever he thought about it, did he feel nauseous?

"Um. Spectrum."

Kuina sounded mercifully patient, or maybe Chishiya couldn't hear her sarcasm. "Yes, Chishiya. Th–thanks for the education—" she yelled as she exhaled and glared down at her leg. "Thanks for the education. Hurry it up!"

He'd spent much too long reading on this, actually. “Pansexual, demiromantic.”

Kuina went next, "Raging lesbian, obviously."

"What is a demi?" Niragi yelled. "I don't know how to answer this shit! I just like girls, okay? Happy?"

"Lie detected."

Arisu seemed to be thinking a few steps ahead for all of them but couldn't quite get the words out in time, "LIFT UP YOUR L-"

A zap sounded. Sparks, silver and gold, zipped from the ceiling. Niragi's body clenched, teeth-gritting, muscles freezing; he didn't even have time to scream. He stayed like that, curled in on himself, for five seconds as jolts of electricity pulsed through him.

Chishiya twitched, a faint thrill rushing up through him; he felt a tingling in the palms of his hands and around his waist and neck where a previous game had also electrocuted him.

Usagi was in much of the same position as Niragi. Still, her back arched oppositely as if baring her heart upwards towards the source of the shocks. She screeched when the zapping sounds finally ceased. It sounded like a taser, but more force, more jolt, just more.

"You," Kuina had to pause, her breath coming out in ragged gasps, "you asshole! The game said you'd be–you'd be punished if y–you lied again. Holy sh–holy shit. You selfish prick! Tell the truth!"

Niragi could barely talk. His mouth moved, opening and closing, for many moments before he remembered how to form words. Every so often, he twitched and blinked unnaturally. "I… motherfucker I'm not a fucking faggot. I…”

"We have a timer!"

"I like some dudes too, alright? Mostly girls! Almost always girls! Happy? Assholes!"

When Chishiya was more aware of the future, he would have to try to look back at this. Niragi never appeared flushed or uncomfortable, even when experiencing excruciating pain. But whenever the man was forced into the smallest bit of emotional vulnerability, it looked like he was staring down a semi-truck about to run him over.

Huh. Chishiya could use that. He would have to try to remember.

Arisu looked around the room as if searching for answers in the spindles of ice and flaps of plastic blocking off the doors. “I–I don’t know any of the terms, I don’t want to be accused of lying b–because I say something wr–wrong.” The screen stared back at them, unblinking. Well, that would have to be permission enough. “I just–I know I like guys, bu–but I don’t know if I li–like girls. I feel I sh–should, but, y–yeah. I f–feel romantic and s–sexual attraction if that is the question.”

That was certainly something Chishiya could sympathize with. It was not until he was in college that he was exposed to a few identity units in a psychology class. When he had enough credit to take an elective in gender studies, he began to learn the terms for emotions and identities.

“Tatta?”

A low, moaning voice replied. Tatta couldn’t look up from the pale brand mark on his forearm. “Straight.”

“It’s–it’s fine,” Kuina said through gasps. “We always need a token straight. An–and you rep it well.”

Tatta groaned in a show of thanks.

It sounded as if something was rolling down a chute. Something akin to a dumb waiter opened up and out slid four bottles of antiseptic and two bags of gauze. They lay in the corner, untouched for the time being.

Well, small mercies. At least they had something they could clean their wounds with.

“My,” Niragi hissed. “My fucking turn.”

“Player Five. Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Niragi said, dropping his hands from the bars. He stood on one leg, hands outstretched to the sides. Chishiya stared back at him when Niragi glared. “Gimme something fuh.”

“You can pick between two options. Option one: slice your eye with the provided pocket knife. Or option two, which is a two part dare; part one is to remove a nail from one of your fellow participants with the provided pliers.”

Niragi rubbed his hands together, “I think we all know w–which one I’m picking. C’mere, brat.”

“Niragi don’t-”

“He’s already hurt-”

“Hey!” Arisu’s voice cut through. “Rip mine out instead, huh?”

Chishiya swallowed and looked at Niragi, unblinking.

None of the words seemed to pass Niragi’s ears as he grabbed Chishiya by the hair and hauled him over to the side of the room where a table had extended out of a wall with a pair of pliers.

Chishiya’s feet didn’t cooperate, but it was a moot point. He felt a rush of air as Niragi slammed him, chest down, over the table. Chishiya managed a laugh that sounded more like a gasp. The table was cold to the touch; it almost hurt when the bitterness of the freezing metal was connected to his front. His words blurred together, and his tongue wouldn't cooperate to enunciate the words. “You–you hurt my hands,” he managed, “I’m n–not getting that bullet out of your leg. Y–you’ll die.”

“Like I died from fire and gasoline?” The hand in Chishiya’s hair tightened and yanked; Chishiya’s neck stretched to try to follow the movement, and he grasped at the roots of his hair in a weak attempt to divert the pain. “Like I died from jumping off the fucking roof of the beach? Yeah, no. Fuck you.”

It was a small mercy that Niragi grabbed Chishiya’s non-dominant hand. The man at least had some common sense left. He wrenched Chishiya’s pinky finger to the side, tendons stretching unnaturally. A metal scrape sounded as Niragi picked up the pliers. Chishiya’s body acted of its own accord, jerking backward, and Niragi slammed him down onto the table again and leaned over him, pressing him down harshly into the metal. The hand in his hair vanished and wrapped around his wrist and palm in a way that would have been securing if Chishiya hadn’t known what was about to happen. Niragi threw the sling around Chishiya’s arm off to the side.

The tips of the pliers danced over the end of his nail. “I thought we were bros, you k–know?” Niragi said, voice low. “A–all good fun. You push me, I push y–you back. Then you,” the pliers grabbed onto the edge of the nail. Chishiya grits his teeth, “had to be a little bitch.” As the plier tightened and almost pulled, Chishiya felt the teeth scrape over his ear. “Let’s get back to that, y–yeah?” Chishiya did not give him the satisfaction of a reply. A sound got caught in his throat as Niragi tugged, pulling upwards, and Chishiya felt the top of the nail begin to detach. He tried to focus on breathing. He couldn’t inhale, couldn’t exhale. Niragi pulled again, and the nail detached lower. Chishiya huffed out a breath, and his teeth ground together. Niragi was almost laughing. “Come on, brat. T–this isn’t any fun,” another pull. Chishiya felt the skin around his cuticle begin to be forced outwards before he could no longer differentiate the specific source of the pain anymore, just that it hurt, “unless you scream for me.”

Chishiya told himself that when he yelled, it was to satisfy the Jack of Clubs. He didn’t know if he was lying to himself or not.

Numbness did not follow once the nail was out, like Chishiya's rattled brain expected. He heard it clatter to the floor, and all he felt was a resounding stinging as the air hit the open wound. Chishiya’s chest fluttered as Niragi yanked him upwards with his hair, and that was the only reason he was still standing.

“Player Four, return to your position.”

Niragi threw him. Chishiya did not know what force kept him on his feet long enough to lunge and grab the bar with his good hand. He hung there limply, just breathing. He almost didn’t hear what the Jack said next.

“Player Five, the second part of your dare is as follows: rip out three times as many fingernails on yourself.”

“W–what?”

Silence followed. He thought he heard Arisu smile around something that was almost a giggle.

“N–no! Fuck no!” Chishiya was looking at the ground, trying to keep himself upright. Still, he could hear frantic, uneven pacing as Niragi stomped around the room, trying to keep his weight off his mangled foot. “I-”

“Are you saying you’re afraid?” Usagi asked, voice like marble. “That you’re too weak to do it?”

“I–no!”

“Then prove it.”

Niragi stammered, roaring something nonsensical, and all Chishiya heard was a scream. Then another. Chishiya looked up and saw blood dripping down onto the floor, joining the puddle that was already pooling around Niragi’s foot. His hand was trembling so much; twice, he grabbed skin and pulled it by mistake, bellowing in response. Niragi was curling into himself then, his hand sticking to the table and skin flaking away in tiny ribbons whenever he tried to reposition it. He was going left to right, pinky, ring, and all that was left was the middle finger of his left hand.

“Don’t be a pussy,” Kuina said.

“SHUT UP!” Niragi looked down at his hand, eyes glossing over and unfocusing for moments. His hand wouldn’t stop shaking. His pliers slipped three times, trying and failing to get enough of a grip on the tip of the nail to pull up until he finally wailed. A metallic clatter followed as he knew the pliers to the side. Niragi’s fist balled up only for his scream to reach a fever pitch, the raw skin rubbing against the cold, bandaged, and unclean texture of his palm.

A mocking, joyous chime echoed around the room.

“Game cleared, congratulations!”

The Jack of Clubs card fluttered down from a slot in the ceiling. Chishiya thought he heard footsteps above them.

Arisu ran to Chishiya’s side, wrapping an arm around the low part of his waist, trying to support him without touching the wounds on his back.

“Stay the fuck away from us, Niragi,” Usagi said, picking up the card and pocketing it. She jogged over to Kuina, slinging her arm around her shoulders. Tatta scurried around the room, picking up the rewards from the Jack. He left one roll of gauze and one antiseptic container on the floor. Niragi was huddled against the ground, looking as if he couldn’t tear his gaze away from his foot and hand for a while.

“You–” Niragi looked dizzy. “You gotta help me. You said-”

Chishiya leaned heavily into Arisu. “I said I... wouldn’t help… you hurt my hand. Bye, Niragi.”

The walk up the ramp and out of the freezer was slow. By the time the five of them reached the outside, it was an odd sensation of temperatures. Heat and humidity clawed at Chishiya’s skin, battling with the onset of frost and hypothermia against sensitive open wounds and exposed flesh. He struggled to breathe.

“We need… we need to get warm.”

“There’s a mall over here,” Kuina pointed, her leg giving out until Tatta rushed over and helped Usagi keep her upright. She looked pale, and Chishiya could see how red and irritated everyone’s skin was under the moon's light. White blushed across Arisu’s cheeks and nose. He probably looked much the same. “We… we can stay there. Get clothes and stuff. Find… somewhere warm.”

Usagi took in a shuddering breath. “Tatta, you got her? I’ll run a–ahead, try to get a fire going.”

“Be careful,” Arisu said softly, beginning to tremble himself. Usagi nodded and jogged ahead into a building made mostly of windows. A few moments later, Chechnya saw her coral hoodie flash by the upstairs balcony. She dragged a metal trashcan outside, and it scraped jarringly against the concrete.

They were speaking. Chishiya wasn’t listening. As Arisu began walking, Chishiya’s head lolled, looking to the side and back the way they came as Arisu rounded a turn.

Chishiya’s chest tightened. Standing at the bottom of the ramp before entering the freezer was Niragi, who leaned against a wall but wasn’t alone. Behind him, poking out from behind the clear freezer door flaps, was a face. It belonged to a boy, maybe thirteen. He was tan, with a round face, dyed red hair, and a nicely pressed dress shirt. He smiled, but his eyes stared forward, lightless. The boy waved once and went back inside. Chishiya blinked, and all traces of the child were gone.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The fiery explosion of the blimp behind them was an afterthought, given how Chishiya could barely put one foot in front of the other. His mind was reeling, not just from the child who had put them through hell but from something that scared him considerably more; the approaching threat of emotional intimacy. He would rather get his ass kicked all day than allow the slightest crack in his cold facade.

Chishiya was an all-or-nothing kind of guy. He did not do things by half or appreciate the concept of maybe or sometimes. Abstractly, he understood the need to keep options open. Still, he would avoid uncertainty if it killed him, and frequently, it nearly did. It wasn’t his fault that Berger’s and Calabrese’s theory lived in his veins just as the elaboration likelihood model did; Chishiya thought in theories and algorithms in the best of times. It controlled variables and allowed him to more easily categorize emotions and stimuli in ways he could understand.

Because he was an all-or-nothing kind of guy, he didn’t do almost relationships of any variety, platonic or otherwise. He was all in, or all out. He didn’t have time or patience for partial anything. So, he was either going to have to start talking and commit himself to this ragtag crew or bolt.

The choice was made for him because he would collapse if Arisu wasn’t holding him up.

Shit.

Both Usagi and Arisu were quick to take charge, being the healthiest of the group. Usagi was uninjured due to her luck and ability to avoid the gunshots with quick thinking. Arisu was soaked, but not wounded in any major way, unlike Tatta, Kuina, and Chishiya, who would need time to lick their wounds before continuing on.

The initial medical care was done in a blur. Chishiya had done enough rotations in emergency rooms as well as triage care so he could work under pressure and while dead on his feet. He told Usagi how to pack Kuina’s wound in her leg and ensured no bullet nor bullet fragments were still lodged in the wound. Arisu ran around getting hoodies, sweatpants, and underclothes that would fit them and keep them warm. Twice, however, he teetered, almost running into things before bouncing back up again, looking like a determined golden retriever. Chishiya and Tatta sat closest to the fire, Chishiya straddling a chair and leaning his chest on the back so his wounds were not pressing against anything. He had been able to clean and bandage his finger, but that was the extent of wounds he could reach on his own body.

Usagi turned her attention to Chishiya’s back. He was pretty sure they would be alright between him stammering out orders on keeping things clean and Usagi’s own basic wilderness and first aid survival skills. It just might take a couple days of recovery time. Four days, maximum. Maybe five. Maybe. Chishiya’s arms crossed over the back of the chair, gripping it so tight his knuckles whitened. “Just clean ev…everything with t–the antiseptic. Then antibiotic ointment, wrap it.”

“Um.” He heard the uncertainty in Usagi’s voice. “What if the skin is… I’m sorry, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Th–there’s a lot of skin j–just hanging off, yeah?” She grunted in agreement. Fuck. He buried his head in his arms. He tried to focus on how he was shivering, which was a good sign. “If it–t’s dead, cut it off. B–be careful.”

If Usagi’s attention drifted away from the immediate wounds on Chishiya’s back, she did not say anything.

It took a lot of convincing, but Chishiya did not have the energy to explain the pros and cons of debridement. Usagi heated a knife over an open flame until it was sterile enough and got to work. In theory, the dead skin shouldn’t cause Chishiya an intense amount of pain, but there was also a reason why medical professionals didn’t perform sharp debridement without anesthesia.

By the time Usagi was done, he was shaking. Mercifully, it didn’t take too long, and he had bandages wrapped around his upper torso by the time she was done. The brand had been cleaned, too, and twice, Chishiya had to yell at Tatta not to put his arm close to the fire, no matter how cold his own brand felt, lest he risk infection.

“I think you got lucky, Chishiya. We all did. The freezer seemed to… slow the bleeding. It was clean inside the arena, too.”

“You collapsing scared the shit out of me,” Kuina pointed her faux cigarette at him accusingly. “Bastard.”

“Hypothermia… bitch. Slows the brain and body. I–I felt awful.”

“You still look awful!”

Maybe he still felt it, but he perfected his mask and was not about to let it crack.

“T–tomorrow we will have to che–check the wounds. That’ll be the t–test of if they can avoid the worst of the inf–infection.”

It did not take long for Arisu to return, despite how it felt as if it had taken an hour or more. Everyone shed off their cold, wet clothes quickly. There was not much room to fuss over modesty, although they tried to give each other whatever they could without sacrificing care. Usagi walked around, helping them get dressed after donning a pastel pink pullover, wool socks, and thick pants. She then turned her attention to double-checking Kuina’s leg wound.

Once her leg was packed, her CAT removed, and elevated, Kuina, clad in black wool leggings and a tight neon thermal shirt (more clothes than Chishiya had ever seen her wear), walked over to Tatta. “C’mere. You got water all over your head, so skin-on-skin contact to keep everyone warm.” She gave Arisu and Chishiya a pointed look.

Tatta blushed, “I–uh. I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Your ears are still almost purple.”

“S…shit.”

Kuina hugged him. Tatta had on a large sweatshirt and a red hoodie. She shuffled his hood over to one side and pulled him to her chest. The thermal shirt had a bit of a neckline, enough for Tatta to rest his head between her collarbone and breasts. “You know,” Kuina said, running a hand through Tatta’s hair as she laid it horizontally. Tatta’s arm stuck out perpendicular to them, wrapped and stiff. “If I liked guys this could be kinda fun.”

Tatta made some choking noise. Kuina cackled. “I’m just teasing you. C’mon, I’m cold as shit, too.” Tatta ended up lying atop her next to the fire.

“I’ll go find us some food in a few minutes.” Usagi smiled at the pair before reaching over to the fire crackling in the trash can to warm her hands.

Arisu had a black beanie pulled over his ears. His hair was still wet but steadily drying. He still visibly shivered, the same as Chishiya, and Chishiya hated where this was going.

"We have to get warm," Arisu helped Chishiya to his feet before kneeling atop a blanket that they sat over the concrete. Arisu pulled his own sangria strawberry milk hoodie off and flipped it around so it was against his back, but his arms were still in the sleeves. Chishiya had not expected Arisu's stomach to be toned, and it wasn't, not really, but he looked like he had lost weight, and his body hadn't fully caught up yet; he looked soft save for the bruises that still littered his ribs and stomach from Niragi's kicking. Chishiya winced at the sight. Arisu pulled the hood over his beanie. "Unlike some of us, I don't bite."

"Kinky," Kuina chirped, her face still pressed against Tatta's head, who snorted.

Chishiya had been given a white fleece coat and gray sweatpants, which he gingerly put on but didn't yet zip.

Chishiya stared as Arisu lay down, his arms open. "Doctor's orders."

"I did not order this."

"I was not talking about you," Arisu said, eyes darting to Kuina momentarily.

Chishiya scowled at her.

"It is a good idea," Usagi said, rubbing her hands together.

"Don't," Chishiya sighed. "Don't touch my back." He knelt down and crawled over until they were chest to chest, skin on skin, and Chishiya let out a hissing sound. It felt too warm and too cold, all at the same time. It was too close and not close enough. Arisu surprised him when he wrapped his arms around Chishiya's middle, under his coat, and rested his hands against the small of Chishiya's back, almost under the waistband of his sweat. For a blink, he thought Arisu had a knowing glint in his eye, but it vanished as quickly as Chishiya thought it appeared.

Cheeky.

It took a few minutes for Chishiya's body to get used to the odd temperature fluctuations. The fire still merrily crackled, and its soothing glow emanated across the balcony. Arisu was warm beneath him, and after a few minutes, the two of them slowed their trembling. It was a good signal that their bodies were warming, but Chishiya's extremities were still so bitter they hurt. It was almost all he could think about if it wasn't for the sudden proximity that scared him, not that he would ever say it out loud.

Chishiya closed his eyes, not even realizing he had shimmied closer to Arisu's neck, searching for any source of warmth, until his nose was nudged against the sinews there. His leg was between Arisu's, and it was as if Chishiya was trying to knit them together. Arisu made no sound or motion of protest, so Chishiya mentally said fuck it and decided he would take what he could get in terms of warmth; emotions be damned. Everything hurt too much for him not to. He was finally feeling closer to comfort than blisteringly or numbingly cold. Small favors.

"Are you alright?" Arisu asked, voice soft enough that even Chishiya, as close as he was, had to pause and strain to hear it.

"Yes."

Arisu's grip tightened. "Yeah?"

"Enough," Chishiya hummed.

He continued to lay there, slowly allowing the muscles in his body to uncurl, the tension seeping out of them like sap from a tree. They had done this song and dance before. They quickly realized neither was moved to speak by what most people deemed uncomfortable silences. Chishiya sighed. Given how Arisu offered to get his nails ripped off in Chishiya's stead, he may owe him some honesty. It's not that Chishiya generally owed anyone for their decisions, but still, The thought of not doing so ate at him. "Still hurts. Still cold. But we are alive. What more could we ask for?"

"A lot," Arisu whispered. Chishiya's breath caught.

"There's that honesty again," he hummed.

"And what's wrong with honesty?" Arisu's head lifted slightly so he could meet Chishiya's gaze.

Chishiya stared because, really? "It's more dangerous than lying."

"No," Arisu looked like he was biting back a laugh, "it's not."

Chishiya sighed. "Telling someone the truth is like giving them a loaded gun and asking them nicely not to shoot it."

"And you'll never build anything meaningful on a lie," Arisu said firmly. "I would rather get shot."

"Of course you would." It was a foolish yet endearing thing to say; it was perfect for Arisu. It made Chishya feel as if he was being stabbed. "I–I'd rather live." Chishiya was not sure who he was trying to convince.

Either Arisu didn't get the hint, or he blared right through it, akin to a bull in a china shop. "You got your ass kicked in there, so I don't really believe you when you say you're alright."

"It," Chishiya scowled and could feel his breath bounce off Arisu's neck and into his own face. He hated how warm Arisu was. "It was the Hypothermia, which I–I think we stopped in time."

"Hm?"

Chishiya became very aware of where Arisu's hands were. If he slid his hands down further–which he slowly was, the bastard–he went past his tailbone onto the swell of his ass.

"You," Chishiya stopped, not sure what he was about to say. Arisu waited. Chishiya decided to violently pivot. "Is the whole innocent thing an act?"

That genuinely seemed to surprise him. "W–what?" Chishiya did not repeat himself; instead, he allowed Arisu to think through the question. "I just… do what I want. And I look for cues that people don't like what I'm doing, or–or considering doing."

"Oh?"

"And I don't see any of those cues from you."

"Well-" Chishiya was just going to fling himself off the balcony, maybe into the fire for good measure so he could burn on the way down. He'd pull a Niragi to get out of this conversation. "What if I don't know? What if I–I don't think I get a choice?"

Arisu snorted. "Please. You'd never let someone force you to do something you don't want to do."

Chishiya froze for too long, his eyes almost glazing over. Oh, he wished that had been true, but he doubted it would ever be. If he had been louder, caused more of a scene, and asked more nicely, would it have changed anything? Something in Arisu's eyes softened, the previously playful mirth melting into a morose realization.

"I'd never force you to do something you don't want to do. Do you understand?"

Chishiya just shuffled impossibly closer. Maybe then he would not have to verbally reply. He didn't know what to do with his arms, so he wedged them between Arisu's torso and biceps awkwardly. It would almost look like a hug if it was not for the concrete beneath them.

The lack of warmth on his lower back made Chishiya realize that Arisu moved. Then, there was a hand on his jaw, and Chishiya wanted to die. He'd rather die then meet that onyx gaze again, but the motherfucker was turning his head and-

"Do you understand?" Arisu asked again, scarcely a whisper.

It was like those eyes bound him in place, and he couldn't look anywhere else without making this even worse. His breath caught; he had to remind himself to exhale. He pursed his lips and thought.

All or nothing, all or nothing. He could do this.

"Y-yes." It sounded like a nail being driven through his coffin.

Arisu smiled. The pad of his thumb traced across the hollow of Chishiya's cheek. "Good." He moved his arm back down, making Chishiya arch into him when his hand barely scraped the back of his fleece, the gauze catching on the cotton. Thank fuck they weren't warmer because otherwise there might be a–well–not little problem by any definition but a rather average-sized problem between them. Chishiya hissed and he felt Arisu tense, all motion stopping harshly. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

For a blink, it felt like the skin of Chishiya's back was being tugged off again, but the rumble of Arisu's voice gave him another sensation to latch onto. Chishiya groaned, and either his hair tickled Arisu's throat, or the tension had finally zapped out of them enough because Arisu laughed in reply. It was such a light, joyous sound that Chishiya could see himself getting drunk. He sunk into it, smiling against Arisu's carotid, so he felt his heart rate pick up and slow again.

The laughter didn't last, but he left a warmth buzzing through Chishiya almost as good as the body heat below him. "We need to talk more specifically after we get warm," Arisu mumbled.

A chorus of four grunts of understanding replied. How long had everyone else been listening in? Fuck, he really was all in. Dammit. Chishiya blinked open one eye and saw Usagi boiling water over the open fire. A pile of ramen noodles, jerky, and some bags of freeze-dried fruit sat in the corner.

The rhythmic raising and falling of Arisu's chest felt akin to the gentle lull of a ship. Before Chishiya realized it, his eyes were growing heavy. "Go to sleep," Arisu said, lips ghosting over the crown of Chishiya's head. "I'll wake you when food is done. Then Usagi can sleep for a bit."

Chishiya thought about it. "Fine. Just... an hour or less." They all needed to be sharp and put someone on watch at all times, especially with the King of Spades on the loose and who knew what else. He felt it when Arisu sighed, and Chishiya's body mirrored the motion in response. Occasional shivers still wracked his person, and he felt Arisu's arms tighten around him over and over, until he fell asleep.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

He didn’t know how he knew, but Chishiya was on a train, only it wasn’t a train. It was more like a minecart but with a train seat, and the cart whirled through the Borderlands, a grotto within a decaying husk of a metropolis. Stars winked at him as he passed, but he paid them no mind. They weren’t interesting; the appeal of the distant planets had long since bored him. Funny how even the Borderlands could take away the unique beauty that would have struck Chishiya dumb before he arrived in this hellscape.

The greenery of Rinshi-no-mori Park was scarcely recognizable. Plants had long since reclaimed the paths and benches that previously dotted the space. It was as if clouds had rolled in, but instead of a morose gray, they were an array of lush phaltho, bronze, and gold. Was it turning fall already? Did the Borderlands even have seasons? Chishiya didn’t know.

The minecart kept moving, rattling over leaves and moss towards the center of the forest, untamed without a strict maintenance schedule. Someone was standing in the center, so tall that her face was partially obscured by the leaves overhead. She wore a long white and silver dress that whisked together like mist. Fireflies, or perhaps stars, sparkled around them. She was so calm, hands clasped before her, and Chishiya could feel her smile even if he couldn’t see it. Thin tendrils of long, straight hair ruffled in the breeze. She seemed familiar, but Chishiya couldn’t place her. The minecart stopped, and he didn’t realize he had gotten out, just that he was standing before her. Distance and time were distorted, but no more than they usually were in the Borderlands. Was this another game?

“I want to go home,” Chishiya said, the rawness of the word shaking even himself to the core.

“Do you?” she asked him, speaking as if into his ear and far away. Her voice rose and fell like waves, a chorus of tones and pitches, all welcoming. “Or do you want to go to the idea of home?”

“I-” Chishiya stopped. “It’s the same thing.”

“No, you know it isn’t. So, what do you want?”

Chishiya hated a few things as much as he hated repeating himself. He scowled, but the woman didn’t seem keen on repeating herself. And apparently, she wouldn’t take his request as an answer.

“I want to survive.”

“Why?”

“Because-” it’s expected of me, I need to finish school, I need to save more kids, I need to be there for my parents-

“Those are all needs. I asked why you want to survive.”

Was he speaking out loud? He didn’t think he had, yet this woman replied as if he had done so. It wouldn’t be the first trick Borderlands had played on him.

“Because I… want to fulfill those needs.”

“Why?”

This was an infuriating trend.

“Because-” fuck, what else was there to say? “That will let me help people,” whether they had helped him.

The woman didn’t touch him, but he felt something warm wrap around him; it didn’t bind him in place. Rather, it was a comforting weight he could remove at any time. “And why do you want to help people?” Her voice turned mocking then, the exact same tone he had heard too many times before and always drove a dagger through his chest, the same tone that made him want to punch glass and break things. “Because it’s the right thing to do?”

Chishiya’s lip curled, and his teeth clacked together. He forced himself to take a slow breath before replying; keeping his composure was a last-ditch effort. “Because I’ve finally met people who I think are good enough to make me want to be a better person. I won’t settle for less than the best and I don’t expect them to be perfect but–they’re good. They’re more than good, and I want to deserve them.”

“Why do you want them in your life?”

“Because–because they’re good! Isn’t that answer enough?” He’d seen what money, greed, and power did to individuals who claimed to have good intentions. These people weren’t that. “I… I want people who care, people who are kind and protect others.”

“Do you love them?”

“I could love them.”

“How could you love them?”

Chishiya’s answer was somehow on the tip of his tongue as if he knew she would ask that, and his mind was already whirling with the potential answer. Although it wasn’t logical, it felt right. It felt terrifying. He tried to say it anyway.

"Selflessly."

"And why do you want to do that?"

Chishiya was going to vomit. His voice shook, his hands sweat, and he couldn't breathe. "Because… I–I don't know if I've ever loved anyone or anything before. I've… I don't know if I can be selfless. So, I want to challenge myself to try."

"Why challenge yourself? It's the more difficult path."

He felt cold. Something wet streamed down his cheeks. "I'm bored. I don't want to be bored anymore. I want a reason to keep going because if I get too bored I get stressed out of my fucking mind."

"And?"

It was as if a levy broke. It was as if his perfect mask broke imperfectly like it had so often done. "And challenging myself to be good will be interesting enough to keep me going. I… I want to be good with nothing to gain. I want to be good just for the sake of doing it. I want to be selfishly selfless. I'm not good. I'm not. But I want to be. And I can't be good if I'm dead. The good people in my life seem like the happiest, and… maybe that's what I want. I want to be happy and I can't do that if I'm selfish or bored or so anxious that I pick fights I cannot win. I just–I want to be–and I can't-" his breathing was coming in choked gasps. "I want to be good by being selfless because that means I care enough about someone else to not want to lose them and I don't know if I've ever cared that much before."

"What if the people you care about care about you as well? And what if they show that care by wanting you to love and protect yourself?"

"No."

The minecart was pulling him backward. When did he get back inside of it?

"No? That's the easy path."

Please, one thing at a time, he begged. "It's the path I know best."

The minecart jolted, and Chishiya grabbed onto the sides; the metal was cold, and he slipped. The track tipped downwards, but he hadn't passed any hills on his approach. The minecart tumbled, and he went along with it. It roared down the tracks, and Chishiya sunk deeper and deeper into the ground; the twinkling lights and life of the surface became lost to him in favor of dirt, darkness, and metal walls. What little warmth he felt faded. The wind pulled at him, at his clothes and his hair, and pushed him down into the minecart, down onto the seat, and deeper, deeper, deeper. His head whirled when he hit a sudden turn, the cart jolting so heavily it nearly toppled, and all he could see were white flashes in the darkness and-

♣ ♣ ♣

When Chishiya woke up, the first thing he experienced was confusion. He did not do one-night stands; he had tried them in the past, and they had ended badly, so he made a point to avoid them. However, he had not allowed himself to gain emotional proximity to his two previous partners to the point of sleeping over. He definitely didn't… cuddle. Where was he again?

A hand raked through his hair, all gentle movements cascading through soft strands, and for a moment, he wanted nothing more than to curl tighter into the person next to him and go back to sleep. But then his body began to mentally take note of its current state, and the last few hours–the last few days–came crashing back like a landslide. The cards, the beach, the witch hunt, the chase, the clubs game-

He sighed, which was a mistake because he felt Arisu grin against his forehead, and that simple upward twitch of his lips really was diabolical. “Morning, sleepyhead.” The sun felt warm on his back along with the fainter but still present pop of the fire. They had gone to sleep early or mid-way through the night.

Chishiya’s replying shiver was violent, and his voice came out as a croak, “I said an hour.”

“Yeah, well, I ignored that.”

Chishiya groaned, making Arisu wince.

“Told you he’d hate that,” said Kuina.

“You’re like… a lemur.”

Arisu laughed. “What?”

“Lamb,” Chishiya corrected. Why did his voice sound weird? It felt as if his head was stuffed with cotton. “Sacrificial lamb.”

“I am not!”

Four voices replied in unison, “Yes, you are.”

Once more, Chishiya shivered. He realized that he was still lying atop Arisu, who had removed his hat at this point, and his hair was sticking up in all directions. Chishiya smiled at the look and then jolted once again.

“Are you okay?” Arisu reached for his cheekbone, and Chishiya curled away from it until- “Shit,” Arisu said under his breath.

A wordless sound was all Chishiya said in reply, burying his head back against the cool concrete of the ground between Arisu’s shoulder and head. The coolness felt nice, somehow.

“I think you might have a fever,” Arisu said quietly.

No one else said anything, so he assumed that no one else overheard, which was a small mercy. Chishiya really didn’t want that kind of attention at the moment. “It’s fine. It’ll pass. I’m not nearly as cold anymore. Teeth aren’t chattering.”

“You’re shivering but sweating.”

It would be embarrassing if Chishiya had not lost almost all sense of pride in his bodily function due to his job. “It’ll be okay.”

The beginning of the day passed quickly. Everyone took turns washing up to the best of their abilities with some wet wipes that Arisu found in his effort to procure warm clothes; Usagi fixed some decent udon and ramen despite the limited dried ingredients she had access to. They briefly discussed what cards remained, and it was difficult to determine since they had to rely on the blimps, some of which were rather far away. All they knew was that they wanted to avoid the King of Spades to the best of their ability for the time being. Whatever card they would go after next, they would deal when the time came. For now, all they had to do was rest, recover, and make a plan for what was supposed to come. Ideally, they would find more allies, but not now.

Their wounds were healing, or, more appropriately, they were not getting worse or infected, which was all Chishiya could ask for.

So, naturally. Kuina and Tatta went exploring. They returned with a few

cheap

liquor bottles, more gauze, and stupid grins on their faces.

"It's time to celebrate!" Kuina said, hoisting a bottle of amber liquid, the brand name peeling off the side. Tatta lifted a mix of various glasses, some plastic, aluminum, and glass of different colors.

Two replies greeted them. Usagi's sullen, "Oh, fuck."

As well as Arisu's grinning, "Oh, fuck!"

"What's the matter, Usagi?" Chishiya asked a mild smile on his face for once. " Are you not one for a party to celebrate our survival?"

Not that it would be, but it was as close as they would get in the Borderlands and away from the beach. But it was the principle of the thing.

"Not that," Usagi hedged, "Just… shouldn't we keep our wits about us?"

"Well, no one has to do anything they don't wanna do, obviously," Kuina said. "But all of our visas are good, we have the high ground up here, and if we block off the balcony, the hallway, and the bathroom, there is only one way out of here, so it's an easy spot to secure…"

Usagi made a show of sighing and then winked. "Twist my arm."

Glasses with a few fingers of something got passed around. Arisu made a point to take whatever glass Kuina poured for Chishiya as his own and gave Chishiya one with a bit less liquid. It was endearing. Chishiya was the first to try it, and his ordinarily unflappable expression scrunched inwards. "Is this fernet? No wonder the Argentinians hate themselves."

Arisu promptly choked on his first sip. "Don't be rude!"

"You try it and see what you think-"

Tatta moaned, "Why is it minty?"

"Minty?" Kuina gagged. "This is like gasoline-"

"No," Chishiya's expression and tone were back to his straight-laced normalcy. "That's malort."

It took them about twenty minutes before the alcohol began to sink in, during which Usagi puttered around with the food and fixed something for them to eat. Tatta tended to the fire, and Kuina and Arisu blocked off where they were staying, so there was only one way of entering or exiting. It was not much, but it was enough to offer them a day of security.

"Chishiya," Usagi said, and on instinct, Chishiya winced. God, she sounded like his mother when she used that tone. "Did you mean what you said at the beginning of the Clubs game? About thinking Niragi was dead when you… did what you did to him?"

He sighed and looked between Usagi and his clasped hands and bandaged finger. "Yes. I did not think he would try to," he saw her eyes glaze over for a moment, "do what he tried. Arisu-" Chishiya's voice caught as he turned, "I…" This felt like ripping off his fingernail, which he had experienced rather relatively recently. "I am sorry for the harm done to both of you. I thought you could take it, Arisu. I did not think Niragi would resort to sexual violence. I apologize."

Kuina cleared her throat.

"And, Kuina," Chishiya tried, speaking slowly so he couldn't give into the urge to curl up into a ball at how much his pride abhorred this, "I meant what I said when I mentioned I wouldn't kill Ann. I was prepared to kill all of the executives who got in our way, but she has always been cooperative and smart. I only anticipated Hatter, Niragi, Aguni, and Last Boss to be annoying. Her and Kuzuryu, I could negotiate with."

"We… we forgive you, Chishiya," said Tatta. Kuina smirked.

"Well, don't get ahead of yourself." Something about her expression uncoiled the knots in Chishiya's stomach, however. "I'm still pissed at you."

“Trust you not to give in easily.”

Usagi and Arisu exchanged some quiet words before looking up. “Thank you,” she said. Arisu smiled, and Chishiya allowed himself to think that, at least for that day, he hadn’t lost them all yet. Not that he cared. He didn’t. He totally didn’t.

He raked his own hands through his hair and tugged on it. “Anyone else have anything they need to say? I’d prefer we just get this all over and done with. It sucks.”

Chishiya did not expect anyone to take him up on his rare transparency offer.

“We should all talk about ourselves–what we are trying to get back to,” Arisu said, and Chishiya’s eyes widened. “I mean,” Arisu seemed to realize what he had just said and, as usual, began to doubt himself before pushing forward. “That should be helpful, right? So, we all know what we are each trying to get back to? Why it matters?”

Due to the silence that followed, Chishiya felt his heart pattered and skipped a beat. Remnants of his generalized anxiety disorder danced at the edges of his vision.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Kuina said, teeth clacking around a pencil. “It would help us trust each other more in clubs and heart games.” She looked between all of them, and Arisu paled.

“No heart games. We all cannot enter one together.”

“I agree with that,” Usagi said. Tatta and Chishiya nodded.

“Well, duh,” Kuina pointed at them with her pencil. “Obviously we should avoid it if we can. But if we have to get all the cards to leave, we may not be given a choice.”

“We should still try.”

Kuina began filling up everyone’s glasses again. “Come on, we all just played life or death truth or dare with each other. In comparison, there are like, no stakes here.”

“My stake is at pride,” Chishiya said. Arisu snorted, and then Chishiya realized what he had said. Okay, so maybe he did have a bit of a fever. He did not bother to correct himself.

“I’ll go first,” Kuina said, downing her shot of alcohol with a wince. “I’m going to go back to my mom, and help her through her cancer treatment. I’m going to go back to my dad, and try and rekindle that relationship if it is healthy for me to do so–he was kinda a dick when I transitioned.” Chishiya flipped the man off despite him not being there. “And I think I wanna start a fashion brand. I work at a store now, but I got a degree in it. It could be more gender inclusive clothing, and stuff. It’s hard to find, and now that I know what works and what doesn’t, at least for me…” she shrugged and smiled. It looked bittersweet.

“I hadn’t realized the clothing was different,” Tatta said quietly. Kuina’s expression lights up.

“Oh my god, you have no idea! Like, you gotta be able to tuck or not, and some days you wanna and some days you don’t, and bras? Man–not comfortable, and I don’t even got a lot after surgery, you know? But sometimes they’re weird and make me feel like I’m choking because they’re kinda tight and I didn’t wear tight clothes for so long, and– I won’t shut up about this if you don’t stop me, so-”

“When we get back,” Usagi interjected, and for the first time, there was a tinge of hope in her voice. "We need to go shopping. Some brands of sports bras are way more comfortable than others and breathe really well. I have some small brands that don't use the underwires that I really like. If–well. If you don’t mind.”

“Mind?” Kuina kicked Usagi playfully. “Fuck no, dude. I’d love that.”

Meanwhile, Tatta leaned over to Chishiya and asked lowly, “When she says tuck, what exactly…?”

It took everything in Chishiya to not let a grin take over his expression. “I’m sure people do not tell you this often, but for once, think with your downstairs brain, Tatta. You’ll figure it out.”

“Wh–what? Wait! Oh!”

Kuina laughed–a whole body, hunched over herself laugh–and lifted two fingers in a heart symbol towards Tatta and Chishiya. She nudged Tatta’s foot with her own.

“I,” Tatta paused and thought. “I don’t know. My parents expect me to take over the autoshop, but… I don’t know if I want to. I mentioned in the game, I don’t know if I want to do comedy, either. I just… I don’t know. I want to make it out so I can make people happy; so I can figure it out.”

“Me too,” Arisu said, his voice quiet. He sat beside Chishiya, shoulders brushing, and Chishiya tried not to fixate on it. The fire was still warm next to him, and he still shivered occasionally, but it was not nearly as bad as it had been during the game. “I think it’s okay not to know, Tatta.”

“Thanks,” Tatta’s eyes were downcast, but he managed a smile. Arisu leaned into Chishiya so he could pat Tatta on the shin. He stayed close after that.

Memories of Chishiya falling asleep next to Arisu last night and at the beach after crying his eyes out hit him like a truck. What was it about Arisu that just absolutely tore down every defense that Chishiya had? He tensed as if the thought alone would also manifest Arisu’s recollection of the events.

“My dad would want me to be happy, to live for myself and for him,” Usagi said, stirring some instant noodles into a pot of boiling water. “He would want me to be happy doing whatever it is I am doing, and I think I want to prove his reputation, but… I don’t know if he would want me to risk my life to do that.”

Chishiya frowned, head tilting to the side in silent question.

Usagi saw and sighed. "He was a climber; a lot of people said his expeditions were fake or rigged in some way. He even was working on trying to map an unexplored route up Everest, but no one believed him, so… he killed himself. I found his body."

"Usagi," Kuina said, lip wobbling.

"I'm mostly over it, now-"

"It's okay if you are not," Arisu said. Usagi stiffened.

"Thanks, but, really. I'm trying to be okay, and I want to live for myself, because that's what he would want me to do." Chishiya bowed his head when Usagi turned too quickly and wiped at her eyes. He could understand the need to maintain strength against all odds and was not about to take that opportunity from her.

"I should do the same for my mom. She would want me to be happy, and find something that makes me happy, too," Arisu said, outwardly pinching his eyes, and he returned Usagi's smile, albeit tearily.

That could be showing strength, too, in a different way.

"What would motivate you to get out, Chishiya?" Arisu asked, and Chishiya swallowed.

That really was the question, wasn't it?

His fever dream felt like a slap in the face now.

To be good, learn if I can actually care about people, be selfless, and help others in the ways that I never was, to-

.

"I don't know."

"Hey," Arisu's hand slid down Chishiya's wrist and grasped the back of his hand. "We all can help each other, so if we can help you figure it out…"

"He knows," Kuina said, and Arisu's hand tightened. "He just doesn't want to say. He won't share anything about himself. Like how he didn't want to admit that he was just using me when we first met."

Dammit. That sounded like a challenge. Chishiya masochistically liked those, and Kuina knew about them.

"How do you think you can read me so well after such little time?" Chishiya asked her, finally voicing the question that frequently ran around his mind. "And I apologized for that already."

Kuina shrugged, "I dunno. You're like the little brother I never had. You just make sense in my brain. Kinda shows we're both fucked up, huh?"

"I-" Chishiya pursed his lips. "This is ridiculous. I want to learn how to be a good person."

Kuina laughed. Chishiya kept staring at the floor. "Oh, shit. You're serious?"

"Who needs to apologize now?"

"We don't have to turn this into, like, twenty questions." Arisu was an angel, and Chishiya did not believe in God. He squeezed Chishiya's hand again. "We can stop, if you want."

Chishiya flopped backward onto the ground, accidentally pulling out of Arisu's grip and immediately regretting it, but not just for that. He hissed and jolted, his back scraping against the ground despite the bandages and jacket between the wounds and the surface.

"How are you a doctor?" Arisu asked, incredulous and on the verge of laughing if he didn't look so concerned as he helped Chishiya get up into a sitting position. He could hear Arisu's smile, like sunshine streaming in a window, a little beam of light dancing along cold skin. "You're like the stupidest genius that I know."

He could feel his pulse in his back. "I don't want to look at any of you while I do this."

Tatta, surprisingly, was the voice of reason. "Just sit on the other side of the fan?" A box fan was next to the door; at one point, it was artfully surrounded by metal grates with an elegant swirling pattern, but the odd passage of time in the Borderlands had rusted the material and left the ban in disarray. It was, however, a large chunk of material that a few people could easily hunker behind. Chishiya sighed and wordlessly shimmied himself behind the fan. This felt like primary school all over again. Might as well fully commit, then. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sat between the fan and the balcony railings. Even craning his neck to look at either side, he could not see the others but could hear them just fine. It was a small mercy that the balcony was mostly covered by boards, too, save for a few slots that were mere metal railings.

The sound of some motion and almost-talking caught his attention, but Chishiya tried to pay little attention to it. He missed a silent conversation between the others or the attempt at one.

Go!

Usagi waved her hand at Arisu as she mouthed the word. Arisu looked at her incredulously.

Go to him!

"H"— Arisu barely corrected himself and continued with this difficult-to-understand mouthing communication. He

wants to be alone!

Kuina shook her head.

No. He doesn't want to look at us. You were just holding his hand, for fuck's sake!

Why does that matter?

With aggression, Usagi pointed at the fan, nearly sloshing boiling water out of the pan as she did so.

Hold his hand! Support him! He doesn't do vulnerability ever.

Kuina made an excessive hand motion, slicing back and forth for show.

If we mess this up now, he will never open up again.

"Guys," Tatta said so quietly that Arisu thought he imagined it at first. "I can't read lips."

Go!

Usagi and Kuina mouthed at Arisu, whose forehead crinkled as he frowned.

Arisu would meet in the middle. He sat against the side of the fan, still able to see Usagi, Kuina, and Tatta, but the edges of Chishiya’s sweatpants were also visible. Was he always that small, or did it look excessive when curled up like that?

“I’m not looking, technically,” Arisu said, causing Chishiya to jump when he felt a hand nudge his, but not reach to grab in any way.

Fuck. He cried in front of Arisu not that long ago, why was it suddenly so hard to hold his hand? How stupid was that? If Chishiya could perform open heart surgery on a five-year-old, pay his own taxes, and smoodge his way into getting the hospital a good donation, he could hold one person’s hand, for fuck’s sake.

Chishiya snatched at Arisu’s hand a bit too hard. It was awkward because he kept his finger extended due to the bandage around it, but he managed. He was rather proud of himself for that, actually.

“Hurry this up, please,” Chishiya requested, tugging his jacket tighter around himself. Arisu huffed out an almost laugh.

"You know they won't."

"Yeah," Chishiya groaned and squeezed Arisu's hand when his body threatened to shiver again. "I know."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chishiya was not sure what motivated Arisu to walk over to the box fan and agree to hold his hand, but he was thankful for the anchor, however much he would deny left and right that he did not need it. He could still smell the fernet on his breath, an odd bitter yet minty smell that wasn't awful, but then again, Chishiya was used to medical scents most of the time. His hand was warm, which was good because cold snaps still wrapped around him and squeezed too tightly. But, if his hunch was correct, and it usually was, whatever questions he was about to be asked would likely warm him right up due to sheer frustration at having to be honest.

Wasn't the game about sharing his feelings enough? Why did he have to do it of his own free will, too?

Because I don't want them to leave me,

a tiny voice in the back of his mind said,

but I do not want to lose control,

and Chishiya tightened his grip on Arisu's hand an almost painful amount. Because he was an all-or-nothing kind of person, and for some reason, he decided to be all-in with this group, and now he had to stick to it because Chishiya was a lot of things, but he would not go back on his word. Frequently, his word was all he had. He wouldn't give that up.

"Ask away. I'm an open book."

Arisu grinned, and Chishiya smirked in his direction despite not being able to meet his gaze. "No, you're not," said Arisu. It felt like they were back on the Beach again. If Chishiya closed his eyes, the warmth of the fire could be the warmth of the sun reflecting off the mirror. The pain in his back could be from electricity, not a flail and a brand.

"I have a question from a long ass time ago," Kuina started. Chishiya's expression rippled. He had not expected them to start from anything other than the last few days.

"Very well. Ask it."

Kuina's voice had a nearly shrill quality to it. "You said Banda is a murderer?"

"I fail to see how that is a question.
"

"And that you treated some of his victims?
"

"
Oh,
"
Chishiya nodded to himself, looking down at his shoes. "Yes. I do not have indefinite proof. Otherwise, I would have gone to the police more, but I do believe I am correct.
"

"Yeah–okay. What the hell? You have just been casually sitting on that?"

"
Who is Banda?
"
Tatta asked.

"Oh, right,
"
Usagi sighed. "You didn't do Eight of Hearts with us. It was Werewolf; a role-playing game, sort of, but you had to pick people to kill and determine who was responsible. Banda was also there, but he wasn't a member of the Beach.
"

Chishiya sighed. He hated talking for long periods. It hurt his throat, and it especially would irritate it with his current mood. "How is this relevant?
"

Kuina groaned. "It isn't strictly, but come on, this is the first time you've just agreed to answer my questions. Cut me some slack here!
"

Although Chishiya didn't like it, he had to admit that Kuina did have a point. "It was when I was in an emergency room rotation–I had to do a lot of different things before settling on pediatric cardiology-
"

"
He says that like he is picking what he wants to eat for dinner-
"

"
-the cops came by a few times to get consults on bodies they found, and eventually, two women came into the emergency room with some stab wounds that matched what was found on the bodies. The women said they were attacked but got away.
"

"
And Banda factors into this… how?
"

"I got bored one day, decided to do some looking around because the two women who came in from the emergency room both had the same stamps on their hands, like they got stamped to show they were of drinking age in a bar. I tried to tell the cops, but they said without any proof, and the stamps had washed away in surgery and recovery, it was a moot point. That's what I was referring to during the game. When I said I felt I could have stopped some killings but it didn't work out because more women died afterward. I lurked around the bar, followed folks who were acting shady, and Banda fits the profile. He is in the right age range, frequents the same bars, apparently showed up to tip off the cops once as if to insert himself into the investigation, and has never had a steady girlfriend. Which, if labeling theory is to be believed, and I'll admit it has a lot of faults, does lend itself to insinuate that repetitive use of loner and similar terms against him-
"

"Save for forensics for Ann, please.
"

"Why don't you tell Ann for me?
"
Chishiya could practically imagine Kuina's eye roll. "She likes your voice much more than mine.
"

"You just…
"
Arisu's words stuttered. "Chase serial killers in your free time?
"

"
I got bored. It sounded interesting.
"

"Did–has he ever been caught?"

Chishiya shrugged and felt Arisu's arm hitch up with his briefly. "He's detained right now, or–he was before Borderlands. But, honestly, I don't think the evidence against him is good enough. I bet he will get off. If he gets out of here, I mean.
"

"You better promise me you won't go chasing him again when we get out of here, you big dummy,
"
Kuina said. He heard her slurping their makeshift dinner. "Don't run out of one death game into another.
"

Arisu's hand tightened, "Yeah, for real. That isn't your job.
"

"
But they weren't doing it right, and they didn't believe me when I said so.
"

"And you said you want to be good when you
get out of here
?
"
Arisu scoffed, and Chishiya could tell where this was going. He tensed, felt heat warming his neck and face and a tightening in his chest, and - "You're already good.
"

And Chishiya wished he was back in the freezer submerged in an ice bath. "Next question, please,
"
he said before he could lose his nerve.

"You obviously don't have to share any of this if you don't want to,
"
Usagi hedged. Chishiya did not have the attention to say

no, I do, because I want to get this over with and never have to open up like this again,

so instead, he just listened as she mulled over what she wished to say precisely. "But you said in the game that one of the biggest things you've gotten away with was letting patients skip lines. You know that wasn't your fault, right? You didn't authorize that decision.
"

"Hm,
"
was all Chishiya said in reply.

"You don't believe that?
"
Tatta asked.

"No. I do, from an abstract point of view,
"
Chishiya said, slowly thinking over his words and trying to identify why his chest felt tight, why his stomach was rolling, as if he wished to vomit. He knew some people had anatomical reactions to emotions, and he tended to as well, but they were usually more minuscule than this when they rarely occurred.

Right. He was off his anxiety meds. The Borderlands' weird time-fuckery made everything expire rapidly, leading to withdrawals. Fantastic. He breathed in and tried to calm his mind, tensing and relaxing his body muscles from his feet upward to ground himself and keep his expression vacant.

"It isn't really any different than you feeling bad for not spending more time with your father, Usagi. That was not your fault, either."

"Well–
"
Usagi sniffed. "Not my fault, yeah. But I still feel bad about it, like you do–I think.
"

"I wouldn't say I am sad about it, which is a fault of mine, I will certainly admit.
"
Even though it also served as a benefit, especially in the Borderlands, this didn't feel like a good time to say so out loud. "But I am… intrigued by the system that allowed it to happen; how a facility built under the guise of protecting others and providing medical care can be such a perfect facade for a profit-oriented business. I wish to understand the thought process of people who greenlight such things. I do not think it is hate or dislike. Some of it must be a parent's love–or whatever they see it as–when they prioritize their own child's care over another person's kid by bribing off the administrators and occasionally the doctors It might be greed, which could be viewed as a stepping stone to power.
"

"
But, still,
"
Arisu looked between the trio behind him and Chishiya's shoes. "You did not authorize that. Whoever owns the hospital or organizes the transplant list did. That's their fault. I don't even work in medicine, and I know you don't get much of a say on who you operate on and who you don't. Am I wrong?
"

"No, I suppose you are not.
"
That was true, as much as it frustrated and interested Chishiya simultaneously. He sighed, but it didn't sound sad, just tired. "However, I am more directly connected than one might think because my parents are at fault.
"

"I–I'm sorry, what?
"

"My father owns the hospital. My mother owns the charity organization that bridges the donations to the hospital and the connected med school and teaching hospital, which is where most of their employees come from. It's no secret that politicians are frequently the best donors, and their family members are some of the most common abusers of jumping the transplant list. They give my mother the money, my father rearranges the list–and that's just the monetary coercion.
"

Unfortunately, no one spoke, so Chishiya grit his teeth and continued. "It's also academically abusive. My dad is an editor in some top medical journals
that determine
the hospital's methods and priorities. So, he can accept academic articles that best serve what he thinks is best practice to continue to advocate for certain parties jumping the list, and is not necessarily compassion or cost-informed care.
"
Which felt like a long-winded way of saying that Chishiya was stuck under their thumb every second of every day, considering where he worked. "They were a marriage of convenience, of course, so it was probably my grandparents' idea since this has been in the family for so long. I've never known any different, so I didn't realize there was a problem until about a year ago.
"

"Holy shit. Chishiya, that–that's so illegal.
"

"Oh, I suppose it is.
"

"That's all you have to say?
"
A chorus of screeches followed.

"I have tried to bring it up multiple times. My mother even tried to get out, but that clearly didn't last. It is a rather… harsh dynamic. But it is what I am used to.
"

Silence descended. Chishiya was not bothered by it. Arisu opened and closed his mouth a few times, evidently also okay with the quiet and wanting to break it meaningfully.

Well, fine. Chishiya would beat them to breaking it. "Did you know that every hour, on average, more than one kidney is traded on the black market? Or that despite over 150,000 organ transplants happening every year, that only meets about ten percent of the international demand?
"

"Why do you know that?
"

"What about that perhaps as high as ten percent of organ transplants are actually using illegally obtained organs in some capacity?
"

Tatta's voice was shaky. "I'll… I'll ask again. Why do you know that?
"

"
It makes for fascinating family dinner conversations.
"

"
I cannot tell if you're joking.
"

Chishiya's
lips slowly twisted upwards into the same tiny, bleak smile he usually wore. "I never could either, with my parents. It wasn't all official surgeries and skipped lines in the transplant list, and it wasn't all black market surgeries in unoccupied hospital rooms when no one was paying attention. But I don't know where a lot of the organs came from, and I imagine the sources
suffered,
or the people who were skipped in the transplant lists suffered. Fortunately, no one
so far
has asked me to perform any illegal… harvesting, let's call it that. At least, not as far as I know.
"
Not including Hatter sometimes asking Chishiya to examine and autopsy the corpses of members of the Borderlands. "But, like I said, whenever anyone, myself included, tried to do something about it… I struggled to justify the risks.
"

"People were dying,
"
Kuina's voice was stern. "What do you mean that wasn't worth the risk?
"

"If… if your parents are involved, are they like… blackmailing you?
"
Arisu asked. Chishiya chuckled softly. "I bet if you went to the police, you could explain what's going on, and then they wouldn't let you get wrapped up in it! When we get out of here, we can go with you, we could ask Ann, and-
"

"That is sweet of you,
"
and it was, Chishiya had to admit that. In fact, he said it without really thinking. His hands started shaking, and he did not know if that was related. "But my family has been doing this since before any of us were even born. I am not privy to every facet of the operation–no play on words intended. May we pause, please?
"

"I'm not done asking questions, though."

Chishiya tried to keep his tone polite, "I said pause, Kuina. Not stop.
"

Much to Chishiya's surprise, Usagi readily agreed before saying quietly, "Cut him a bit of slack, Kuina. Like you said, he's trying…"

Chishiya didn't hear whatever else was said because he pushed himself to his feet so quickly that his head spun as he walked into the building, his hand tearing from Arisu's. The walls and floor both teetered to the left, and he wasn't even anywhere close to tipsy from the half shot of fernet he had taken earlier. He just… didn't share so much. He felt numb and tingly and hot all over, and none of it was good.

Last night, they had boiled a small container of water and left it in the bathroom to cool. He marched inside and splashed a palm full onto his face, raking the droplets through his hair. Dark eyes met his gaze in the mirror, and he scarcely recognized himself, but he rarely did. His roots were starting to come through again, dammit. He'd have to bleach his hair again. He could also do his eyebrows this time to shake things up. It was oddly grounding; the changes, yet predictive, were always similar when he lightened his hair. He let his head fall into his hands and rested his elbows on either side of the sink. The door opened, and Chishiya didn't look up. He assumed it was Arisu. He almost expected the man to wrap lanky arms around him and hold him, but he couldn't think like that.

It wasn't Arisu, though.

Usagi softly shut the door to the bathroom behind her. Chishiya met her tired eyes in the cracked mirror. She cleared her throat, "How long have your parents been beating you if you disregard their orders?
"

It felt like a hand was wrapping around his throat and squeezing. "Not my parents. Just my father. He used to hit my mother, too, until I was old enough to intervene myself.
"
Usagi just stared at him, and he sighed. "I don't know,
"
which just went to show how much he was spacing out, "I think it has gone on for four years? It started when I was an adult. I'm able to handle it.
"

"Twenty one is barely an adult, Chishiya. Twenty-five is barely an adult, too.
"
Nothing he could say felt adequate, so he stayed silent. "But I didn't mean… slapping or punching beating. You have more scars on your back than what Niragi inflicted. Kuina noticed when she branded you, and I did when I was fixing your back earlier.
"

"Remember in the game how I said something only happened a few times?
"
Usagi looked down, and Chishiya saw her expression flicker from concern to shock to relief and back again. "That's what I meant. The–
"
A rabid, raging voice took over his mind, screaming and waving imaginary fists like a toddler throwing a tantrum but more violent, more raw, more bloodthirsty. Why was he such a fucking weakling he couldn't even admit to his father stabbing him? How stupid was that? He saw worse things on his job and could reiterate it all perfectly, as he should, so this shouldn't be any different. Stupid, stupid emotions made him even weaker than he already was- "It only happened three times.
"

"They're in a position of power and privilege over you,
"
Usagi said gently as if approaching an animal, and Chishiya glared. "Not just in being your parents but in being your employers, being trusted in the community as medical providers, and-
"

He gripped the edges of the sink until his knuckles paled, and he felt the scarcely healing skin over his ripped-off nail split. "I asked for a pause. Please respect it.
"

"But… it's not just-"

Chishiya whirled around, his jaw clenched, "Usagi!
"
His voice was like the crack of a whip, echoing hollowly in the silence that followed. The word echoed until it was all he could hear, and again…

Emotions were nothing more than weaknesses to be exploited than cracks in his perfect facade.

"
Please,
"
he said, molding his tone into something docile and quiet, but he hadn't intended
for
his voice to shake.

Ten seconds or ten minutes could have passed, Chishiya didn't know. All he did realize was that eventually, at some point, Usagi left. Chishiya stood in the center of the bathroom, focusing on breathing until the door opened again. A retort danced on the tip of his tongue, and he eyed the slice of light streaming into the room until he faltered. Now, it was Arisu walking inside. Of course.

"Did she tell you?
"

"
Tell me what?"

Chishiya was a fucking idiot. "Never mind.
"

"
No,
"
Arisu frowned and neared. "What's going on?
"

Chishiya gaped, a rare look for him. "Does no one here know what pause means?
"

"I do,
"
Arisu shrugged. However, some groups may be able to help if you let them, starting with us.
"

"Let's deal with one problem at a time, shall we?
"

"Fine,
"
Arisu nodded and appeared to take an inventory of the space. "Get out of Borderlands, and then get you out of your abusive family and employment.
"
As he spoke, Arisu neared and hovered next to Chishiya by the sinks, and the heat still rolled off of him, or maybe Chishiya's cold was just beginning to make itself known. For a moment, Arisu messed with his hair in the mirror. It was short and uneven but not unsalvageable.

Chishiya pinched the bridge of his nose and looked away from the distraction next to him. "You… actually just said that out loud.
"

"
Yes.
"

"I'm a grown adult and I am capable of getting myself out.
"

Arisu's expression wavered. Then he made a show of looking down at him. "I don't know if I would say

grown

specifically.
"
Chishiya glared. Arisu did not so much as blink, "That might be a little

short-sighted

, is all.
"
It took all his willpower to neither laugh nor spit venom in reply. Arisu was trying and failing to wrestle his expression into something neutral. He smirked before continuing, "I mean it, though. We will help you, plus I already knew, too.
"

"I was hoping you were just oblivious.
"
Chishiya had considered that when he needed help treating the electrocutions along his back, but not nearly enough to actually take stock of the scenario. All he had known at the time was that he needed to not get an infection, and he literally couldn't reach the wound. So, he had called in Arisu for help. When Arisu had not made a fuss over the other various scars on Chishiya's back, he assumed they were clear, at least for the time being. He had been right, but it may have been easier if they had just gotten all that out in the open earlier.

"I did think they were from other games, at first, before I thought about the healing time.
"

Neither spoke. Chishiya raked his hands through his hair again before holding the door open for Arisu, who exited and followed. The walk to the balcony was brief, but Chishiya still stopped partway down the hall. It took a few steps for Arisu to realize.

"Why… why are you so selfless all of the time?
"
Chishiya asked.

Arisu stopped and turned around. "What do you mean?
"

Chishiya stared at him as if trying to will the chemical compounds in the body before him to transform into something precious without measurable value. His throat was closing up again. His vision began to blur as tension prickled at the back of his eyes. He had to get ahold of himself.

"I'm
just kind,
"
Arisu said as if it were the simplest thing in the world. I just do what I hope other people will do.
"

"You're kind to a fault,
"
Chishiya said like an accusation. "Someone will take advantage of that someday.
"

"
I sort of thought someone already had,
"
Arisu said, giving him a knowing look. You weren't the first, and you won't be the last. I'm okay with that.
"

"How?
"

Arisu shrugged. "Like I told you before. I'd rather get shot knowing that I have that kindness in my life. I don't know. It isn't a hard decision for me to make.
"

Neither spoke for a while. Chishiya shuffled back a few steps, and Arisu looked unsure whether he should match them. "Stop being so nice to me,
"
he demanded.

"No.
"

Chishiya tensed. "It wasn't a request!
"

"Well…
"
Arisu's words stuttered. "That's too bad! I'm not going to stop.
"

Chechnya saw movement on the balcony from the corner of his eye as if Kuina, Usagi, and Tatta were doing some task. They could be listening in again for all he cared, which wouldn't change what he was about to say. Chishiya never cared much about how other people perceived him.

"That's not very kind of you, despite what you preach. I'm asking you to stop.
"

"Why do you self-sabotage all the time?
"
Arisu's words cut straight through the bullshit, and Chishiya doubled down. His throat continued to tighten, his hands trembled, and he could feel the water beginning to boil and nearly slosh over the edge of the proverbial pot. "It makes for a bad life to push people away all the time, even if you think it'll keep you safe.
"

Fuck off

. "That's cute that you think you know anything about me,
"
Chishiya said, his tone vacant.

"Then tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that you don't push people away and keep them at a distance because you think that will keep you safe. I know you're not a liar.
"

Chishiya leaned back against the wall, situating himself in the corner. "Just because I don't lie, doesn't make up for the things I've done that are much worse than lying.
"

"So much of that was not your fault. You didn't ask your parents and the hospital to get involved in all of that. You apologized for what you did at the Beach. Niragi deserved what he got. Even if you had to–to kill people in these games, you didn't ask to get put in that position! I'm not as hopelessly naive as everyone would have me think, I get it. People die in these games, I know that. You aren't just going on sprees or whatever and-
"

"
A twelve year old patient of mine wrote a note to their friend and asked me to give it to them as their dying wish. I threw the note in the trashcan."

That appeared to stop Arisu short, but not for long. "Why?"

That felt like an entirely unreasonable question to ask. Shouldn't people just get mad at him for that? "Because–because–I don't know!"

When did Arisu start walking closer? Chishiya tried to burrow into the corner more. "Because it was extremely emotionally vulnerable and that scared you?
"

"I-
"
he had already talked about the folks skipping the transplant list, about the murders; Chishiya began mentally flipping through his actions as if they were files in a cabinet and he desperately needed the right one. "I've told parents that their kid is dead without any bedside manner or mincing words or so much as an apology.
"

"
Well–that's the job of a therapist, not a doctor. You did not give the parents false hope or confusion.
"

"I also volunteered to be the one to tell them that news just to see how they would react to losing someone they love.
"

Arisu blinked, "That's… someone has to tell them?
"

"
Their wails of grief didn't phase me one bit.
"

"Well–for your job, that's probably good. If you got too emotional, you couldn't perform surgery on your next patient."

Stop giving me an out! Stopitstopitstopit- "I've told my parents I hate them even before I figured out what they were doing-
"

"That's fine, I think I might hate your parents, too!
"

"I've told a four year old that I promised they would survive a surgery knowing that there was a ninety percent chance they would die and they did die-
"

"
Great, so you gave the child moments of reassurance and comfort as opposed to scaring them,
"
Arisu's chest was heaving. "That's what I'd want, too!
"

This was getting ridiculous. Chishiya's words were breathy and tense as if he couldn't get a full gulp of air. It felt like metal barbs were wrapping around his chest and squeezing. His back stung, a kind of high-pitch, burning pain, but he didn't care if it meant he could stay in the corner and see everything that was before him and nothing and no one could sneak up behind him and-

"You're just saying these things to piss me off, right?
"

Arisu leaned forward, and Chishiya matched him. Neither blinked, meeting the challenge face-to-face. "How dare reasonable thought processes piss off the highly educated doctor!
"

"Don't be a patronizing-
"

"You're growing emotionally! If I were to leave you now, that'd be immature and do more harm than good!
"

Chishiya saw red. "Don't treat me like a child!
"

"I'm not trying to!
"
Arisu's arms spread wide, "but it also isn't my fault that your family didn't teach you the first thing about emotional maturity
so o
f course you're not sure how to act! Neither am I, a lot of the time!
"
Chishiya simmered, words forming too quickly and too flagrantly in his mind to combine two coherent thoughts. "For someone whose job it is to treat his patients with respect and not judge them, have you ever considered what it might be like to not judge yourself?
"

"I
can't! I hold myself to a higher standard!
"

"
That isn't healthy!
"

"
No shit, you think I don't know that? Why do you think I'm normally on two hundred and fifty milligrams of sertraline? For fuck sake! Why do you think I'm in therapy?"

A flicker of a smile appeared on Arisu's expression, and Chishiya wondered if he said too much. "So you admit you are trying to change.
"
"I–I–" fuck. "I have thought about doing cruel, unforgivable things to people."
"
Yeah–

thought

-
"

"
I have seen people get mugged and did nothing to help them.
"

"You and most people. That's called the bystander effect, right? You kept yourself safe.
"

"
A six year old girl told me her father beat her and I didn't report it.
"

"You-
"
Arisu stopped. His expression twitched. "Was it because you were mad that no one reported your abuse when you told someone you trusted?
"

Motherfucking mind-reading piece of shit stupid boy-

"I only expressed any interest in you and Nii-san during the tag game-"

Arisu huffed. "I have asked you not to call him that-
"

"
-because I thought it would protect me if I gave more people to Hatter.
"

"Yeah, well, you've already told me that you were coerced into the Beach, too, so that isn't all that surprising. It's a bit of a dick move but that isn't going to make me leave you-"

And that really was the problem, wasn't it?

"I've blackmailed people their entire life savings via credit card fraud at the hospital.
"

A beat followed. "Why?"

"Stop asking me for why I do what I do!
"
Normal people didn't do that. They just took him at his word and left him.

"No! Go on, tell me why.
"

"
He–he was the dad beating his daughter. And a…someone in the human trafficking trade."

A startled laugh followed. "See! You have your reasons for everything you do. I refuse to believe otherwise.
"

"Then you're an idiot.
"

"
Chishiya, my own father blamed me for my mom's death. He told me to my face while I was looking at my mom's corpse. She was my best friend.

Nothing

you could say to me will hurt more than that. Nothing you could do would hurt more than Karube and Chota dying for me.

Nothing

you do will be worse because you will always have a reason, even if it is a morbid one, someone just has to be willing to listen. Are you ready to accept that?
"

Chishiya's voice broke. "Stop being so nice to me,
"
he begged.

"No. No matter what happens, I'm not leaving you.
"

Chishiya scared himself when he sobbed, but he wasn't crying. It was more like a strangled sound just escaped his throat, and he couldn't breathe. His legs were shaking.

Arisu was so focused on his words that he wasn't paying attention to what he saw. Or whatever sound Chishiya had made only sounded loud to him. "Chishiya? Do you understand? Try to damage my perception of you all you want, I'm not going to walk away just because it's easier for you. I'm not. I don't leave people I care about.
"

"I-
"
Chishiya's voice shook. He couldn't push himself into the wall anymore despite his efforts. "I dont–I–don't want you to care–not about me-
"

"
Too bad! It's too late! You're stuck with me because I care about you! Ask Usagi, there is no getting rid of me.
"

That's unfair

. Chishiya tried, but the words didn't come out. They were more like a croak than anything. He forced himself to breathe when Arisu got closer and rested a hand on his arm and another on his middle, and it felt like he was about to be boxed in.

"I will kick you in the balls,
"
Chishiya managed to say.

"Can you even reach? I–

ow

!
"
Arisu doubled over as Chishiya ducked under his arm and dashed down the hallway, away from the balcony. Arisu limped after him, but Chishiya only knew from the sound of his footsteps, which rapidly faded. A vague ringing noise took over, and Chishiya soon couldn't feel his hands or feet. A tingling feeling had taken their place.

He jumped when a hand on his shoulder forced him to turn around. The tingling feeling was spreading, and Chishiya teetered into a wall. Arisu fell with him, one hand coming up to cushion Chishiya's head and the other bracing them. The room was spinning. Chishiya did not know where to look.

Arisu was saying something. Chishiya blinked at him. "I said,
"
Arisu repeated patiently, but he still winced every time he moved, "that if you truly want me to leave you alone, you have to look me in the eyes when you tell me, and you have to convince me.
"

"I–
"
he couldn't say that. "I-
"
Slowly, Arisu smiled.

That was about when Chishiya's vision began to black out.

"I'm
sorry,
"
Arisu said at some point; once Chishiya's vision cleared, he realized he was sitting on the ground, leaning into Arisu's shoulder. His chest hurt; he could feel his pulse in his head and pressure building in his sinuses. His eyes stung, and he

could still

not feel his hands. "I'm really sorry. I didn't realize you were having a panic attack. Your expressions are scarily blank sometimes. I am so sorry.
"

Chishiya grunted. "You… gonna make me tell you to leave?
"

"
I will listen if you tell me and mean it,
"
Arisu said, saying those words as if they could physically hurt him, precariously and with ginger lightness.

"Not today.
"
Chishiya hated how his body betrayed him.
Arisu's
grip around his shoulders tightened, and without thinking, Chishiya burrowed in further, nosing at Arisu's neck until a full-body shiver wracked his frame.

"That game got you sick and I gave you a panic attack.
"

"Well… you listened to me, too. That might be worth it.
"

"
Yeah?
"
Arisu's hand drifted up to Chishiya's jaw.

He fought back a flinch at the proximity. "Mhm.
"
Chishiya's mind was hazy, but he saw Arisu's eyes flicker downwards.

Fuck it

. Arisu leaned closer, and Chishiya was going to let him. He felt the moment they shared the same air and-

"Are you two okay? I heard screaming–oh, shit!
"
Kuina came whirling around the corner too quickly, tried to turn around, and moaned. "I'm sorry. We were getting worried.
"

Murder. Chishiya was going to murder her.

Arisu grabbed his hand, a flush across his cheeks. "Oh, yeah. We're… fine.
"
Chishiya allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Between Arisu's support and the wall, he stayed upright.

Sorry!

Kuina mouthed in his direction.

Chishiya mouthed,

yeah, right

, in reply.

He blinked a few times to will the blurriness of his vision away.

"Do you…
"
Kuina genuinely sounded remorseful, "do you have it in you for a few more questions?
"

Arisu squeezed his hand. Chishiya said, "If I must."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

"Okay, question one. Are you getting sick?" "This is not question one," Chishiya points out. "I've been answering questions prior to now." Arisu's grip on his hand tightened. "Semantics.""I believe so, yes." "Motherfucker." Kuina pushed Chishiya closer to the fire. "We need your brain. You aren't allowed to get sick." "Trust me when I say I do not want to be sick, either." Chishiya would let some questions go, even though they were not in their previous positions, allowing him to look anywhere but them. Tatta was sitting where he had been previously, still hunkered by the fire as well. Usagi met Chishiya's gaze head-on when he walked onto the balcony. "Sorry," they said at the same time. Usagi nodded. Chishiya's lip curled upwards. Tatta frowned. "Did I miss something?" "Nothing vital," said Usagi. "Chishiya, you're the doctor. How can we help you not get sick?" "It depends on what the patient presents." It was a small mercy that Arisu did not call him out on further distancing himself. "Unfortunately we cannot do much right now. Patients are most concerned about infection, so I would need antibiotics. Then staying warm since we just avoided hypothermia-""Did we fully avoid it, though?" "No bits fell off," Kuina lifted her glass, "I count that as a win." "Sleep is important," Chishiya added, "so is water. Unfortunately the basics is all we really can handle at the moment, and that all could change when we need to renew our visas in a few days."Arisu knelt until he was sitting and pulled Chishiya with him, who crouched at his side. Arisu frowned. "Aren't you going to sit down? You just said you need rest."Chishiya's sense of curiosity was far from salubrious, which motivated most things he did or did not do. Chishiya's mind was reeling. He knew that he could not properly reply to Arisu right away, and that was fine with him because he still had some puzzle pieces to put together. And he still had to remind himself to inhale every so often because everything still felt somewhat fuzzy and not-real post-panic attack. So, Arisu had been about to kiss him, and Chishiya would have let him. Was that also a post-panic attack haze? Was that something he actually wanted? His stomach swooped in disappointment. He teetered closer to Arisu despite how it put pressure on his shaky legs. God fucking dammit, how much was Borderlands going to change him? He couldn't keep doing this. He didn't want to lose himself, yet he also did. "Chishiya, sit down!" Arisu said again. Okay. Fine. He would have been okay with it if it had happened. Chishiya was not in the habit of liking people, but he had a list of people he was interested in, and Arisu was rapidly climbing to the top of that list. He was reasonably confident that Arisu would not stab him in the back in the big scheme of things, so that was fine. It could have been anyone else; he was glad it was Arisu. Arisu, who knew Chishiya better than Chishiya knew himself. Arisu, who had a heart of gold. Arisu, who swore up and down that he wouldn't leave despite all of Chishiya's attempts to make him walk away on his own. Maybe Arisu wasn't the best option. Something tugged on him. Chishiya went willingly, albeit not with much awareness. His shoulder, side, and hip rested against Arisu's chest and stomach, and he pulled Chishiya backward until he was leaning against him and between his legs. Arisu was warm, and that really was all Chishiya could think about. "Is your back alright like this?" "Mhm," Chishiya said, the final dredges of adrenaline fleeing his body. Kuina was staring at him as if he had grown another head. He lifted an eyebrow in question. "Are you dying?""Technically everyone is dying, all of the time." Tatta made a distressed noise. "But, no. I do not believe I am dying. I'm… curious. Just let me continue to be curious." Chishiya could feel Arisu smile against his crown, and he wondered if He was doing that on purpose. "Yeah, we talked. We are okay." "Forgive me if this is a stupid comment to make," Tatta hedged, "But I thought you and Usagi were dating, Arisu?"Usagi laughed. Arisu stammered. "Remember in the game? I said I'm aroace? Aromantic means I don't really feel romantic attraction, and it is not something I am personally interested in. Same with sexual attraction. I'm not repulsed by either of it, but it isn't something I have to have to be happy. I…” Usagi's voice softened. "I think I love you, Arisu. And I will always love you. But I won't ever be in love with you." Even Chishiya could feel the heat wave that rolled off Arisu's body. Then he sniffled. And then he was crying. "Sorry," Arisu managed. "The last people who said that to me were Karube and Chota. I… I love you too. I wouldn't be here without you."Usagi ducked her head again, and once more, Chishiya allowed her the moments to compose herself. Yeah. That was the kind of vulnerability, the type of care, the kind of compassion and kindness and selflessness that Chishiya would be honored to experience one day. Until then, he would simply have to be patient. "Oh," Tatta remarked. "My bad. I sorta misread the room." "May you all please ask any final questions that you have for me so I do not need to do this again?" Chishiya managed. "What were we asking you about again?""Before Arisu and Usagi both disrespected my request for a pause?" Chishiya almost-smiled. "My parents and their business ventures." Three seconds passed, then five. The fascination had evaporated, at least for the time being. “So…” Kuina’s voice was singsong. "Are you two, like, together, now?"Actually, Chishiya would rather talk about his parents. He stiffened. Arisu made a choked sound behind him. "We are playing death games," Chishiya said slowly. "Must we debate the nuances of what defines particular types of interpersonal relationships?""Yup," Kuina and Tatta said together. Who let them become friends? Arisu cleared his throat, "I… you know what? Yeah! I like Chishiya." Chishiya batted his head against Arisu's shoulder until a hand came up and stopped him from continuing to do so out of sheer frustration. "And I am not going to speak for him or make assumptions for him.""Why are you so good?" Chishiya mumbled. "I think your bar for people is on the floor. Should we talk about that, instead?""Or maybe you are just setting unreasonable expectations for me in the future.""Good," Arisu removed his hand from between Chishiya's head and his own shoulder and wrapped an arm around Chishiya's middle, draping it down his hip rather than his back to avoid the various wounds. "Maybe then you'll learn that you deserve it." "I'm-" Chishiya huffed out a breath. "I'm not in the mood for this right now." "What? Don't believe me?"There was no good answer to that question. "I just wonder if you're aware of how much work you've agreed to take on." "I'm more than capable of carrying you and your baggage, shun-chan." Kuina chortled. Even Usagi made a sound between a laugh and an exclamation. Yeah, Chishiya definitely had a fever because it took him much too long to remember Arisu's first name, and even then, it felt as if his thoughts were bogged down with lead. He turned his head to hide as much as he could without looking evident about it before a blush could creep up his neck. "Ari, arrogance isn't a good look on you." It took moments before Tatta's laugh broke the tense, stifled silence. Others followed. Then Chishiya smiled, and really? What was his life coming to? Why did he take some seriously messed-up death game scenario to find people who cared? God, his life would have continued in its old train wreck of unexceptional melancholy without these people. "Can we figure out what games are next tomorrow?" Arisu asked later after they all had managed to eat something and moved their makeshift home into the building. More blankets were piled around the space because they still wanted to ensure no one got sick but couldn't risk having the fire outside for two nights in a row with the King of Spades lurking. "I think we all deserve a bit of a break." "We will need to go out for food and supplies tomorrow," Usagi said, glancing through their piles of materials and organizing them into bags. "That probably means you, me, and Tatta," she nodded at Arisu. "Kuina's still limping from the bullet wound-""Am not!" Chishiya examined the limb; dried blood was somewhat pale but healing healthily. She did still favor her other leg. "And Chishiya needs medicine or something, just to be on the safe side." "I'll write a list. Even if you can't find any of it, I think I'll be alright." It would be a slow healing process that the games would not look kindly on, but it likely wouldn't be anything that would kill him. "You better be," Arisu said lowly, his tone almost gravely as if he hadn't meant to speak those words out loud. Chishiya was still in front of him, and he felt the statement in his chest. Tatta took the first watch and twice more; Chishiya had to throw something at him when he almost scratched at the bandages around his arm. Kuina and Usagi lay down to sleep in two corners of the room, and Chishiya stayed where he was against Arisu. There were enough blankets around them, some folded as makeshift pillows and some for warmth, to suffice. Tatta wandered from their room to the bathroom and then to the balcony. An hour passed in silence, and at that point, the low sounds of Kuina rolling over to find a comfortable position had quieted. Usagi's calm breaths were like the gentle lull of waves. Arisu eventually laid down, pulling Chishiya with him. It felt like the other night, with them lying chest to chest for warmth, but whatever flimsy wall had been between them then was shattered. It felt too meaningful and meaningless simultaneously, or perhaps like it had already been cracking, and Chishiya was just now beginning to realize it. "Are you scared?" Chishiya asked Arisu in a whisper, unsure if he was awake yet. 
A few weeks ago, long before Arisu, Usagi, and Tatta arrived at the Beach, Chishiya had been with Kuina in her room. They were both a little tipsy from not very much wine. Earlier that day, Chishiya had been doing his usual rounds, wandering the Beach in search of anything that may or may not be helpful, when he found Ann leaning against the wall, looking away from him. Typically, Ann looked like a slate, tall and firm and unyielding. To see her lean against something was unusual, but for her hip to be out, one hand to be running through her hair, tugging it over her shoulder almost anxiously… something was up. Chishiya pulled back behind the corner slightly, poked his head out, and watched.

Kuina approached her, and whatever they said was too low for Chishiya to make out. But he saw Kuina smile and Ann's exterior melt just a little. He heard the bubble of a laugh, the thud of Ann's shoulders being backed into the wall, and saw Kuina kiss her on the cheek. Kuina turned to walk away, and Ann tugged her back again, arm wrapping around her middle as if they were in a dance, Kuina spinning in her arm. Ann's eyes raked over her, dark and bright simultaneously, wanting and weak. She kissed Kuina with a smile.

"How did you know that you like Ann? " Chishiya finally scrounged up the courage to ask.

Kuina laughed, "Really? You haven't liked anyone before?"

" Not really. I've tried to, but it is primarily performative because that is what society deems normal. I want to like someone, though. I can. It is not something that comes easily or naturally to me.

"I just… I get the butterflies feeling, you know? Like I'm anxious around her–oh who am I kidding, you're probably not anxious around anyone."

" Not like that, no. "

"Well, " Kuina exhaled and hummed. "I… I suppose I'd rather spend time with her than alone–not all the time, that'd be like a stalker, but I often want to be with her. " Chishiya had never met anyone who he liked better than solitude most of the time, except for maybe Kuina. "She just makes me happy. She makes me smile like it's the easiest thing in the world, and she… she challenges me to be better. I'm kind of a bitch, and she is too, but like… she has really, really high moral standards and she challenges me on those, since she works in forensics and all. She pushes me in my martial arts training… " Kuina had a look in her eye that Chiahiys had never seen before. It was glassy but in a sparkling kind of way; it was far from the vacant, glossy look that Chishiya saw in so many of his patients and their families. It was as if talking about Ann was melting the tension away from Kuina's body; he could almost watch her muscles uncurl, and her laughter come more easily. It was a beautiful display, even if he couldn't understand it. Abstractly, he knew oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin showed up when someone claimed to be in love, but Kuina wore her heart on her sleeve. Seeing someone experience those in real-time without the pesky variables of being personally involved and planning an escape route was different. "...Being with her makes me feel like I'm safe, like I'm almost home, and I haven't really experienced that shit before. It… honestly, it really fucking scares me. "

Chishiya's eyebrows furrowed. He had not expected that. "Love scares you? "

He watched her pupils dilate as he flippantly put the treacherous label on their conversation. It was just a word to him. It wasn't to her. "No. Not… love, exactly. Or loving someone. I think it's a privilege because so many people fuck it up. But I'm scared to lose her. Like, we haven't even finalized anything, but if something were to happen to her, I'm scared of what that would do to me. I'm scared of what I would become if I lost one of the rare joys in this place. In a way, the Borderlands have made me realize what I truly care about, and relationships are pretty high on that list. "

" Huh, " Chishiya had said at the time, mentally tallying ideas, hypotheses, and variables to make sense of the equation before him. 
Only this wasn't an equation, not now. Not with Arisu, who was close enough that Chishiya could count his eyelashes. Not with Arisu, who sounded vengeful at the thought of Chishiya not getting better. Not with Arisu, who derailed every coherent thought in Chishiya's brain when his shrewdness and quick wit were things he previously prided himself on above all else. Oh. Oh no. "Why do you ask?" Arisu murmured. Chishiya swallowed and tucked his face against Arisu's neck. It was warm. "I think I'm scared."He heard Arisu's inhale and felt his pulse quicken. "Of what?""I think you know." He couldn't say it. He was weak, and he couldn't say it. He felt his arms tighten around him. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you in the next games." Everything felt wrong. "That's not what scares me," Chishiya hissed, his body tensing like a spring about to break. He shut his eyes and pretended that everyone else in the world could never be privy to this side of him because they had never been before Arisu came along. "That–you doing that, doing everything in your power to save everyone–that is what scares me." "I-" Arisu stopped, tried to open his mouth and reply a few times, and eventually continued. "I won't change who I am.""I'm not asking you to. I'm just… I'm just saying. That's all." Whatever he previously thought was a nail in his coffin was nothing compared to how soft Arisu's voice got. It was inexorable. It was unfair. It was precisely what Chishiya–mind, body, and heart–wanted. Maybe one day, he would learn to be worthy of it. "I'm scared, too."