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The ride back from Sault St. Marie is a quiet affair, since everyone's still tired after a rather short night at a local motel, barely talking but mulling over the recent events.Everyone being Lieutenant Welsh, Ray and Fraser. The latter is sitting in the back with Dief while the lieutenant is occupying the passenger seat. It seemed sensible to offer it to the senior officer, and apart from that, Dief apparently's gotten sentimental in the meantime; he curls up with his head on Fraser's lap. Admittedly, it's very gratifying, and it's calming to burrow his fingers in the thick fur while Dief naps.Ray insisted that he was recovered enough to drive, and Fraser holds his tongue even though he can see how his friend keeps rolling his neck from time to time or reaches back to rub it. He's tense and can probably feel the aftermath of their exertions just as Fraser does; in addition, Ray's after all been hit hard enough to render him unsconscious on the Henry Allen, though he waved it aside when Fraser asked him whether he needed to have it seen to: “I'm fine, Frase.”Fraser didn't push him any further, feeling that their renewed mutual understanding was still rather fragile and didn't need to be put to the test right away. Now he wonders if he should have insisted nevertheless.They're all relieved when they finally reach Chicago. Back at the consulate, Fraser changes into his civvies and busies himself with paperwork. He writes up a report about the recent events and fills in a form concerning the loss of his uniform, among other things.It takes longer than usual though, because his thoughts keep wandering. It does feel strange to be on his own- well, apart from Diefenbaker, of course, who's sleeping on a blanket under the desk, and Inspector Thatcher and Turnbull who have returned as well in the meantime and are somewhere in the same building, but that's different.Ray has been a steady presence these past few days. His absence seems acute, somehow, almost like some kind of physical discomfort. This is what it's like to be missing someone, as Fraser very well knows. He shouldn't be surprised, after all they've been through within a relatively short amount of time.In fact, he isn't surprised. And yet, he can't put his finger on the reason for his agitation. Missing Ray isn't something that's new to him, after all; he's been enchanted by the guy pretty much from day one, and it didn't take long for him to realize that the love he felt for him was more than just the fraternal kind one might develop for a friend and partner.Which is something he's been struggling with, if he's honest with himself, because Ray doesn't have any idea what's going on in Fraser's mind and would probably be appalled if he did.Diefenbaker disagrees, claiming that Ray's scent tells him otherwise, but Fraser doesn't dare to entertain even the faintest hope in that regard. Ray hugged him right when they first met and has been open and affectionate ever since, but that's just how he is. Diefenbaker disagrees on that as well, but. It just seems inconceivable that someone like Ray, even if he was interested not only in women but in men as well, could have feelings for someone like Fraser. Who's aware that he's the odd one out in most regards, so. Whatever Dief thinks is there between Ray and him that never makes an appearance where other people are concerned is probably wishful thinking on the wolf's part, since Ray's his sole and consistent provider of junk food.In his more unguarded moments, for example whenever he can't sleep at night, Fraser thinks of Ray and wishes things were different, wishes he could just court him and take his chances; as it is, he tamps down his feelings as best as he's able to and carries on, no matter how much his heart aches with want.On the Henry Allen, he almost slipped up. He told Ray he used a technique called “Buddy Breathing”, which was a half-truth. Or a half-lie, depending on how one looked at it. In any case, he was trembling all over afterwards and it took all he had to make it sound casual, especially after Ray asked if it was going to change anything.He sits up straighter: why would Ray have reason to think- no, he tells himself. Don't go there.With a sigh, he tries to concentrate on the form in front of him; no matter what Inspector Thatcher said, he still feels obliged to do the 10989B report as well.Ray's probably sound asleep by now; Lieutenant Welsh told him to take the day off and rest (to be fair, Inspector Thatcher told Fraser the same), and since he looked as though he was going to keel over from fatigue any moment after the drive back, Fraser assumes that that's what he's doing.He imagines Ray's bedroom, not quite dark even with the blinds closed, and Ray sleeping. It makes Fraser feel all warm inside, because the image is peaceful even if Ray's a fidgety sleeper. Still. Fraser has seen him sleep and couldn't help it: it seemed lovely to him. Unaware that he's smiling, he hums, paperwork momentarily forgotten.He startles when there's a knock on the door and then blushes, as if caught doing something forbidden. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he gets to his feet and opens the door, half-expecting to find Turnbull in front of it. He doesn't though; it's Ray. He still looks exhausted and worn, the skin underneath his red-rimmed eyes almost translucent.Taken aback, Fraser opens his mouth and closes it again, then clears his throat: “Ray?” he asks, his mouth dry all of a sudden. “Is something amiss?”Ray gives him a look that could well be a glare: “You gonna let me in?”He sounds odd, off kilter.“Of course.” Fraser steps back slowly; he's trembling all of a sudden, and that still intensifies when Ray follows him in just as slowly, his eyes never leaving Fraser's face; they seem darker than usual, or maybe that's a trick of the light.“What's wrong?” Fraser manages, almost in a whisper, once the door's cosed behind them.For a long moment, Ray merely looks at him, his expression inscrutable before it suddenly softens, almost as if he's going to cry. Then he leans in closer, closes his eyes, only stopping when their foreheads are touching.Fraser can feel Ray's breath on his face, the warmth of his skin. Can almost feel the words too before Ray speaks them: “Fraser,” he says softly, a kind of quiet despair audible in his tone. “I can't breathe.”And just like that, Fraser feels dizzy and giddy at once. He raises his hands and frames Ray's face, gently, still trembling: “So you came to me?” he says hoarsely.Ray nods. “Couldn't sleep,” he murmurs. “This ship of ours. I didn't quite get it, until now. But it did change everything, back when we- when you- on the Henry Anderson.”He inhales shakily. “Now it feels like I can't breathe. Without you, I mean. I can't breathe without you.” Hesitantly, he puts his hands on Fraser's chest, comes even closer.Fraser gently strokes his skin with his thumbs, smiling a little because the ache in his heart is turning into something else, something soft and tender and relieved, and then he angles his head and kisses Ray. Who kisses him back, and it's glorious. Fraser's hands wander from Ray's face down to his back so that he can hold him close; he can feel that Ray's trembling too.When they finally pull apart, just enough so that they can look at each other, they're both stunned and unable to contain a smile.“Better?” Fraser asks after a moment.“Yeah, I... thanks.” Ray actually blushes and they both start to laugh.“Fraser,” Ray then mutters, sounding almost timid. “Am I being crazy here?”Fraser tightens his hold around him: “I don't know,” he murmurs, barely audible, then takes a deep breath for courage. “All I know is... that I... that I, well... I love you." His voice momentarily gives out. He swallows: "I tried to tell myself it's only the kind of platonic love one might feel for a good friend, but that's not true.”He pauses, clears his throat: “In fact, I was afraid that this might destroy our friendship. But there's no denying it. I love you like I don't think I've ever loved anyone else before.”He ducks his head, almost waits for Ray to back off, explode, yell at him, even after their kiss. But Ray only looks at him with an expression that is unexpectedly tender, and his eyes are bright.“I always knew you're unhinged,” he whispers, sounding nasal, but the corners of his mouth are quirking up. “And I'm damaged. So we're a good match, Frase. You'n I.”The relief that rushes through him at these words actually make Fraser's knees wobble. He pulls Ray closer, and the latter now slides his hands around him so that he can hold him as well, and for a long while, they just stay like that, in each other's arms.They only let go when Diefenbaker appears from underneath the desk, gnarling in a very complacent tone.“Did the wolf just say 'I told you so'?” Ray asks.“I'm afraid he did.”Grinning, Ray shakes his head.“You, uh. You got more work to do?” he then asks.Fraser's smile widens: “No,” he says. “I'm actually done for today.” He couldn't care less about the 10989B report right now.“So... I know you're probably knackered, but... you and Dief wanna come to my place?” Ray blushes a little. “To hang out, I mean. Watch TV, eat, sleep. Whatever.” He shrugs, flashes a grin. “Figure this out along the way.”Dief yips and Fraser can't but agree: “We'd love to.” At Ray's apartment, they take off their jackets and boots while Dief ventures into the kitchen to snoop around.“Gotta fill his water bowl,” Ray says, and Fraser follows him. Once the water's taken care of, Ray turns to Fraser, intending to ask whether he wants some tea, but instead, they immediately reach for one another and pull each other close for another kiss.With a huff, Dief disappears in the direction of the living room.“You feel good,” Ray murmurs once they've come up for air, nuzzling Fraser.“So do you,” Fraser replies just as softly, reaching up to stroke over Ray's hair. The latter closes his eyes again, appearing very vulnerable to Fraser right now.“You're shivering,” Fraser whispers.Ray swallows, opening his eyes again: “I missed this,” he breathes. “It's been a long time.”Though he's not surprised, Fraser's heart goes out to him: Ray's always been very tactile. The notion how bereft he must have felt after his separation from Stella is hard to bear, even now. And Ray looks downright fragile like this, tired and overwhelmed as he is; he's been forlorn long enough. They both have.“Let me hold you,” Fraser says gently, once he's come to this conclusion.Ray's looking close to tears again: “My bed okay?” He sounds choked. “Only I think Dief's on the couch.”Nodding, Fraser wraps both arms around him: “I've got you,” he murmurs into Ray's hair. Holding on to him firmly, he walks him backwards until they're in Ray's bedroom and on the mattress. Somehow, they manage to wrap the comforter around themselves, then Ray relaxes against Fraser, who feels like he's soaring because this is really happening but at the same time still strangely calm.This is where he ought to be, with this amazing person in his arms. He can feel Ray's heartbeat and every breath and the other's scent is all around him, and it's marvelous.“Fraser,” Ray eventually mutters. “I'm sorry I punched you.”“I'm sorry too,” Fraser replies after a moment of comprehension.“Ain't your fault. I was an ass. Guess I was frustrated 'cause of somethin' else and couldn't see it.”“You mean... this ship of ours?” There's a small smile in Fraser's tone.“Yeah.” Ray rubs his cheek against Fraser's sweater. “Stupid, how blind I was.”“Sometimes, a detour is necessary to reach a destination,” Fraser says pensively.“You think?”“Well, yes. In the Northern Territories, it can be fatal to take a straight route even if it is the shortest distance, for instance if one would have to cross an ice field in order to get from point A to point B. It might be advisable to go around it in order to avoid ending up in a crevasse, even if it means a considerable longer distance and a struggle.”“Huh.”“Of course,” Fraser adds, and now he does sound a little sheepish, “I could have told you about my feelings for you at some point. It might have spared us the whole hitting each other issue.”“I dunno,” Ray murmurs, sounding as though he's grinning. “I might have punched you anyway.”Fraser chuckles.“But I could've done without the almost drowning,” Ray then says, his voice brittle from one moment to the next, and a tremor runs through him.Fraser gently tightens his hold around him, runs his hand over Ray's back: “I concur. You did admirably well though.”“Nah,” Ray snorts. “I'd have kicked the bucket if it hadn't been for you and... y'know.”He tries to make it sound casual, but there's another tremor, and Fraser realizes that there may have been more reasons why Ray couldn't find sleep earlier than the unresolved thing between them.“I'll try to never let anything happen to you,” Fraser mutters. He vividly remembers the dread while he was looking for Ray in the sinking ship, his fear that he might not find him in time. The relief when he did. He could feel the little welt underneath Ray's hair earlier where he'd been hit; proof of how close a shave it has been.Ray now lifts his head to look at him: he's tousled and obviously groggy yet still a sight to behold; Fraser's heart is aching again, but in a good way.“I know you do,” Ray says softly, regarding his partner. “But it ain't up to us sometimes. It just comes with the job. So if something should happen to me one day, you can't go on blaming yourself. Even if it is all your fault because you once more endangered my life in a wildly bizarre way.”The last bit's meant as a joke, but Fraser doesn't smile.“I can't bear the thought of losing you.” Now it's he who sounds brittle.The corner of Ray's mouth quirks up: “Same here.”They're silent for a while, then Ray stretches a little until he can nuzzle Fraser again: “We'll just have to make every day count. Carpet deem.”“You mean carpe diem?”Ray snorts, gently biting Fraser's lip: “I guess. Which is why I'm taking you out on a date tomorrow.”“Oh. Now we've got a bit of a conundrum, I'm afraid, because I was going to suggest the same, only the other way 'round.”“So what, we'll just take each other out. Conum- conunder-thingy solved.”“Right you are.”“See, we're a duet again.”“I believe we always were, Ray. Apart from a few bumps in the road.”“Bumps, huh.”“Yes. Though it admittedly seemed graver at the time.”“Yeah. Stupid, the both of us.”“Well, we're past it by now.”“Thank God we are. Otherwise we wouldn't be doing this.”Ray leans in for another kiss, and Fraser wholeheartedly agrees. They remain silent afterwards, and Ray eventually nods off.Fraser, who feels wide awake despite his own fatigue which is beginning to make itself known, just watches over him and allows himself to bask in the moment. He feels even more protective of Ray now than before, if that's at all possible, and his heart is full of tenderness.He's finally close to drifting off when a gruff voice startles him out of his doze: “So I guess this means there won't be any grandbabies.”Fraser subdues a sigh: “The concept of privacy is foreign to you, isn't it?” he replies softly.Bob Fraser lifts a hand: “Oh, no. I checked no one's in the nude before I came in.”“How considerate of you.”“Sarcasm is very unbecoming, son.”“As is prying.”“I'm not prying. I'm taking an interest in your life.”“Ah. It seems to me like you're trying to interfere.”“All I said was-”“I heard you. Please keep out of my private matters, those are between Ray and me.”“Huh. So what, is this a fling or can I expect to be calling the Yank my son-in-law soon?”Fraser pauses, momentarily distracted by the pleasant sensation in his stomach at these words, but then he shakes his head: “Since same-sex marriage is of yet illegal in Canada, I don't see how.”A moment later, Ray stirs. “Frase?” he mutters blearily, lifting his head a little. “You talkin' to someone?”Great. Fraser glares at his father, but the latter is nowhere to be seen. “Just... thinking aloud.”“So you thinkin' about marriage?”His ears have never gotten so hot so quickly, at least not that he can remember it.“Err... I was just pondering...”“It's alright,” Ray interrupts him, putting his head down again. “'s nice, bein' married.”Fraser freezes.“Detective Stanley Raymond Fraser,” Ray mutters. “Does have a nice ring to it.”When Fraser still doesn't move, Ray cackles: “Relax. Just yankin' your chain.”“Oh.” Fraser sags.“'Cause you'd be takin' my name, of course. Constable Benton Kowalski. Yeah, I like it.”At that, Fraser cranes his neck until he can look at Ray in the dim light of the room: “Are you still 'yanking my chain', Ray?”Ray grins: “A little.”“Huh. Good to know.” Fraser settles down again. “Though I'll have to be honest with you: the notion isn't entirely unappealing.”Ray snakes his arm, which has so far been lying on Fraser's chest, as far around him as it goes and holds on to him as tightly as he can without hurting him.“Good,” he just says, and settles down once more. “We can talk about names later.”He cackles again, if softer this time. Soon, he's back asleep.Fraser however's wide awake once more.His dad, who wisely keeps himself out of eyesight when he pops in a little later to check on things, takes one look at the dreamy expression on his son's face and relocates to the living room, where he sits down on the couch next to the wolf.When Diefenbaker lifts his head and looks at him enquiringly, Bob Fraser sighs: "Caroline would say that the heart wants what the heart wants."Dief yips and puts his head down again. "You did, huh?" Bob regards him. Well, wolves are supposed to have excellent instincts, and from what he himself has seen so far, Fraser's partner is a good man, both at his job and in private. There may not be any grandkids, but his son finally seems to have found happiness.Getting to his feet again, Bob glances over to the bedroom one more time and shrugs: after all, there could be worse things than having this particular Yank for a son-in-law. The End