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It’s a long time before Cas and Dean see each other, really see each other again. See each other when they’re not fighting for their lives or running for something. It feels long, at least. Time moves differently in Heaven and the cracks between universes.Whether it actually takes an eternity or not to find space to breathe together, it sure feels like one.They’re in a field, a blank stretch of land outside of Lebanon. The sun is setting, casting golden light over the grass and the two men standing in the midst. Both of them cast a shadow, which hasn’t been the case for quite some time. Cas is wearing his trench coat, which is mostly stained tatters after what they’ve been through, and an expression which is a healthy mix of fear, worry, exhaustion, and depression. Dean is in the black coat which has become his recent staple, and parts of it are all but soaked through with blood, but it’s dark enough that no one should be able to tell.Cas knows though. They both know, and the memories of that fight aren’t going to fade any time soon. Even now, so soon after it all, when Dean is used to being numb, he can feel a sickened feeling building in his chest, but it’s quickly squashed by the rerealization that Cas is here, with him, alive. He’s not some hallucination, or another trick, or the corrupted and broken thing that Dean had dragged kicking and screaming out of danger. He’s Cas, Dean’s Cas, Dean’s everything.And he looks scared. They’re just a couple feet apart, so Dean can see everything: the subtle tic in Cas’ jaw muscles, the tension in his shoulders, everything that marks him as just off. They’re safe now though, Cas shouldn’t look so anxious.“Hey buddy,” Dean starts, and it’s enough to make Cas take a small step backwards. It looks like it pains him. Dean wants to follow Cas with a step of his own, but he doesn’t want to corner the guy. “Do you think we could talk about that goodbye?”“I’m sorry.” Cas lowers his eyes, dips his head a little bit like he’s being shamed. “You don’t have to say anything, I understand.” His voice is soft, resigned.“Then let me do something.” It comes out as half of a question, and Cas steels himself like he’s waiting for action, to be hit or something, so Dean takes that as his cue.He steps forward until he and Cas are nearly chest to chest, beating heart to frantically beating heart. He can feel the sudden fear that he’s done something wrong start to flow through him, but quickly tamps it down and holds out his hand, cups Cas’ stubbled and bloody cheek. The hair is a little scratchy, and Dean knows he’s not much better. He meets Cas’ eyes and it’s terrifying, being so close with all his defenses down, about to do something he’s been thinking about for over a decade at this point.Cas’ eyes are still wide, still scared, and Dean can feel him trembling. He’s not sure if it’s because of the situation at hand, or the fact that they’ve both spent three days on their feet fighting for their lives.Dean has thought a lot about how seeing Cas and talking about It would go. Most versions had involved a lot more of him bearing his soul, maybe some tears, but never this. He’s never thought that Cas would try to shut him down like he did in purgatory.And he never thought he’d freeze up at this point, but here he is, locked in place and unable to move forward. “What did you mean when you said you loved me?” He can hear his voice shaking.“I think you know,” Cas says softly. “I’m sorry. I understand if you’re uncomfortable, I can——““Cas.” Dean watches as Cas stops, shuts his mouth, and keeps the same scared expression he’s had this entire time. “Do you think I would’ve chased you across worlds if I was uncomfortable?” He pauses and lets the words sink in. “Or dragged you out of the empty?”Cas doesn’t respond, but some of the fear and apprehension has faded from his eyes. Now, more than anything, he looks hopeful. It’s a good look on him, Dean just hopes he’s going about this the right way.“Or done this?”This is where Dean thought he was going to kiss Cas. This is also where he freezes up again. He’s been thinking about this for so long that the culmination of his actions, thoughts, and words doesn’t feel real, so his body has decided to thwart his attempt at resolution.“Dean?” Cas tips his head to the side, and it’s basically the same as asking are you okay?No. The answer has always been no, so that’s nothing new.“Damnit,” Dean says as he tries to get his bravado and confidence back from wherever it fucked off to. He needs to find words, actions, something so he’s not just standing in the middle of field, holding Cas’ face like some kind of douche bag. This is not how his undying——literally, in sickness and health, life and afterlife and whatever the fuck else there is——confession of love was supposed to go. Cas had a whole rehearsed speech, all Dean has is a fresh stammer and a lot of baggage.“Oh.” Suddenly, everything seems to click for Cas, and he solves Dean’s issue in about half a second when he leans forward and gently presses his lips to Dean’s.The kiss knocks Dean breathless. It’s barely more than a second, nothing more than a hesitant brush of lips, and it still manages to shatter Dean to pieces. By the look on Cas’ face, he’s had his world rearranged too.Suddenly, Dean’s tongue feels loosened, and the words he’s been holding onto since that night in the dungeon, since long before that, tumble out.“I love you.”The look on Cas’ face when he hears that is worth everything Dean has been through to get them here twice over.