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Gadreel took a long breath and rolled his shoulders, trying to relax his muscles. The t-shirt and sweatpants he usually relaxed in when he was home felt restrictive now that anxiety filled his chest.Dean, his perfect, beautiful Sub, was completely naked and tied to their bed by his arms, his eyes covered by a black blindfold. His pale, freckled chest rose with each intake of air.The only source of light was the pale moon peeking at them behind a cloud, its white rays caressing Dean’s skin. It gave him a kind of supernatural look, as if Dean were not human, more like an angel at his mercy.Gadreel gave his Sub a small smile, even though he couldn’t see him. He wondered if he should take a photo to show Dean later, but decided against it. It was a sight he wanted only for himself.
What did I do to deserve such a gift?
“Dean,” Gadreel called. “What’s your color?”“Uhm,” his Sub hesitated, tilting his head to the side. “Green.”Gadreel raised his brow and walked to his Sub’s side, his bare feet cold against the floor. He ran his hand through Dean’s dark blonde hair, sighing.“Are you lying to me?” Gadreel bit the inside of his cheek, unsure.Does he not feel safe enough to tell me if something is wrong? He asked himself. His heart beat faster with fear, his muscles tensed again. What kind of Dom am I?“No, it’s just…” Dean gulped, leaning into Gadreel’s hand, asking for reassurance. “I guess it’s between green and yellow?”“Care to elaborate?” Gadreel frowned, still petting Dean.“I’m scared.” Gadreel’s heart sunk at the admission, but he let his lover talk. “I’m scared of being so vulnerable, but at the same time…” Dean licked his lips, sniffing. “I trust you, Ree. So much. I know you would never hurt me.”Something clicked in Gadreel’s mind.“You’re terrified of giving up so much control.” He weighed his words, his eyes scanning Dean’s body. His mouth watered as he imagined kissing the freckled chest and sucking his Sub’s neck. He knew how much Dean enjoyed that, how he could never control the sounds he made. Gadreel wanted to hear Dean sing for him. “And yet, you want to do it for me.”Dean gave a slight nod, and Gadreel pressed his fingers into his Sub’s scalp.“Dean. Words.”Dean shivered under his touch.“Y-yes, sir.”“Good. You’re so good for me, my love.”Dean let out a slight whine, raising his head as if to look into Gadreel’s eyes. When he realized he couldn’t, he dropped his head again and bit his bottom lip.“I am so proud of you for letting me do this, Dean,” Gadreel continued. “So proud of you for trusting me. Do you think you can trust me a little more, my love?”Dean gulped, shifting as much as the restraints allowed him.“Yes.”“Thank you, Dean.” Gadreel stopped petting Dean and hummed, circling the bed. He could feel Dean following his every step, fueled by the slight fear his submissive felt by being in such a vulnerable position. But Gadreel’s own fear was gone. In its place, there was a sharpness he had never felt before.Dean’s admission had left no space for fear or doubt. The Sub’s and Gadreel’s breathing slowed as Dean settled more into submission.Quick, shaky intakes of air changed into slower and deeper ones as Dean’s muscles relaxed. It was as if the restraints were the only thing holding Dean up.“Beautiful. So beautiful for me, Dean.” Gadreel took off his t-shirt and put it neatly on a nearby chair, doing the same with his pants and underwear, his gaze never leaving Dean. He knew his Sub could feel it on him, could feel Gadreel’s never wavering attention. “You’re doing so good.”Dean shivered, letting out a long, relaxed sigh, and at that moment, Gadreel knew Dean needed touch and skin as much as he needed oxygen.Gadreel got on the bed on his hands and knees and positioned his legs against Dean’s thighs.“You will let me do what I want, won’t you, my love?” He asked, knowing the answer.Dean licked his lips, pushing his body to get closer, but the restraints stopped him.“Yes, sir,” he said, his voice so soft Gadreel almost didn’t catch it. “Please, sir, please…”“I know.” Gadreel cupped his Sub’s face with his hand, caressed his cheek with his thumb, then kissed him softly. His lips pressed against Dean’s, and his Sub slightly parted his own to allow him entrance. Gadreel took his chance, nibbling at Dean’s bottom lip as his free hand ran down Dean’s side.Dean tasted of the lavender tea he always drank to relax before a scene, a tea he had started drinking because Gadreel drank it for breakfast every day. Dean had told him once that, after finishing it, he felt as if he could feel Gadreel closer and understand what he wanted better. As if their souls were connected.The thought went straight to Gadreel’s dick, which twitched with the first sign of interest of the evening. He groaned into the kiss as he hungrily let his tongue inside Dean’s mouth.Dean let him inside, and their tongues swirled languidly against each other. Dean’s breath caressed Gadreel’s face, warm and relaxed, and pride swelled into Gadreel’s chest.“You’re doing so good,” he whispered against Dean’s lips.Dean whimpered, as always, when Gadreel complimented him. Dean thought he didn’t deserve praise or compliments, but he was wrong. The abuse he had suffered in the past colored the opinions he had of himself, but Gadreel knew the truth. That Dean was perfect in every way.Gadreel knew it would take a lot of work, but he would change that reaction. He would make Dean understand. He moved his lips along Dean’s jaw, leaving wet kisses in his trail.Dean leaned into the touch, tilting his head to the side to give him better access.Gadreel groaned, the sight of Dean’s bare neck and his complete submission sending shivers down his body. He wanted to give his Sub everything.
“My perfect angel.” He softly said in Dean’s ear, then nibbled at his lobe.“Gadreel…” Dean let out a small whine, biting his bottom lip.“I got you, Dean,” he answered, one hand still on Dean’s cheek as the other grabbed Dean’s thigh. “I’m here.” The hand on Dean’s cheek trailed down the Sub’s neck, squeezing lightly, then went down his chest. Gadreel caressed Dean’s top surgery scars, remembering Dean’s smile when he had woken up after the surgery, the utter joy in his eyes. To Gadreel, those scars were holy. As he kissed Dean’s collarbone, he massaged Dean’s nipple, making the younger man moan.“Fuck me already, Ree…”“No.” Gadreel smirked at Dean’s sound of protest, kissing Dean’s heart. It beat against Gadreel’s lips, and he closed his eyes to listen better. “I know what you need.” And he realized it was true.Gadreel had always been a religious person. He believed in God and the connection of souls, yet he had never felt such a connection before meeting Dean. It was as if they had always known each other, as if their souls were intertwined, but this was the first time he had felt it with such clarity.It was overwhelming.Continuing to massage Dean’s nipple, Gadreel lowered his gaze to Dean’s cunt. A wet spot was forming on the bed between Dean’s thighs, and Gadreel licked his lips in anticipation. It wouldn’t be long until he lowered his head between them.“Let me take care of you,” he murmured, kissing over the blindfold.Dean’s only answer was a small nod as he gulped, but Gadreel allowed it. He knew how overwhelming such a scene could be for Dean, how terrifying it was for him to have Gadreel completely in control and be at the center of attention.Putting both his hands on Dean’s thighs, Gadreel used his mouth to lick and bite at Dean’s nipples, circling them in turn with his tongue.Dean’s small whimpers and groans filled their bedroom. It was the sweetest sound Gadreel had ever heard.Gadreel moved his attention down Dean’s belly, leaving wet kisses all over. He gently bit just under Dean’s belly button, then licked the thin trail of fair hair, kissing his Sub’s bush.“You have no idea what you do to me.” He wrapped his lips around Dean’s clit and sucked.Dean answered with a gasp, bucking up. He shivered as Gadreel’s short beard caressed the inside of his thighs, one of his most sensitive spots.“Fuck, fuck, Ree…” He whined as Gadreel kept at it, sucking and licking around the spot.Dean’s clit throbbed in Gadreel’s mouth as Dean tried to move, thrusting against him.Gadreel pushed him against the mattress with his hands, squeezing his thighs, and his Sub stopped, even though his body still shook. Gadreel licked up and down Dean’s labia, his own dick hardening as he left a kiss above the slit. He had never wanted to be inside Dean more, but he knew he had to wait. He needed to make sure Dean was ready for him.“Ree-” Dean let out a small, needy sob, and Gadreel smirked against him. “Oh, God.”“Not quite.” Gadreel pushed his tongue inside Dean, and his Sub jumped in surprise, then thrust against him.“Please, please, please…”Gadreel swirled his tongue inside Dean, gulping down his own spit and his Sub’s excitement.Pre-cum trailed down his dick, and he grunted against his Sub, who cried out in pleasure.Guided by Dean’s pleas and moans, Gadreel adjusted his position and pushed deeper with his tongue. He couldn’t see his Sub’s face, but he knew he had pushed his head back in pleasure. Taking pity on Dean, Gadreel added two fingers inside him and scissored him as he sucked and nibbled all around. He raised his gaze to look at Dean’s face, rejoicing in the juices trailing down his own chin.Dean painted as if he had run for miles, his chest raising and lowering so fast that Gadreel thought he might get a heart attack. His Sub’s mouth was open for the taking, and Gadreel took his opportunity.When their lips met, Dean licked his own juices from Gadreel’s mouth and moaned into the kiss as he tasted himself.“Oh, Dean.” Gadreel’s own breathing was ragged as he looked at his lover, the complete trust and submission shown making his head sharper than ever. “You have no idea how beautiful you are. No idea what you do to me.” He used his free hand to take off Dean’s blindfold and kissed him sweetly as he kept scissoring him.When they parted, Dean’s green eyes were full of tears, but Gadreel knew it was just pleasure. His Sub opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, so he pulled at his restraints.“You’re so damn perfect,” Gadreel continued, leaning down to kiss Dean’s neck. He freed Dean’s wrists and massaged them, making sure the circulation was okay. Dean needed to touch him now, needed to feel him more than what had been going on so far, and Gadreel was ready to give him that and more. “I want you to be mine, forever.” Adjusting himself in between Dean’s legs, he kissed the inside of Dean’s wrist and locked his eyes with his to ask for permission.Dean nodded, wrapping his arms around Gadreel’s neck, overwhelmed.“Please.”Who am I to deny you? Gadreel entered Dean slowly, the wetness and warmth welcoming him without resistance. He let out a soft grunt and leaned on even more against Dean, pressing him onto the bed, leaning on his elbows.“Ree, I swear if you don’t move now…” Dean growled, wrapping his legs around Gadreel’s hips. His hands roamed around Gadreel’s back, warm against his skin. As one rested between his shoulders, the other landed on the back of his head, caressing his hair. The softness of the gesture made Gadreel crave more, want more of Dean.Raising his brow as he stared into Dean’s green eyes, Gadreel swung his hips forward and grinned as Dean’s mouth opened with a gasp.“Fuck!”“I told you,” Gadreel smirked. “I know what you need.” And despite the fact that Dean usually asked for it to be hard, more often than not, what he truly needed was for Gadreel to actually make love to him, to take it slow, to make him know he was loved and cared for. He set out a slow and soft pace as Dean nodded under him, tilting his head against the pillow. “I love you.” He kissed along Dean’s jaw, smiling. “You’re what I’ve always needed.”Dean moaned softly, petting Gadreel’s head.“I love you too,” he whispered. Gadreel’s heart skipped a beat. Dean almost never said those words. He showed his love plenty of times but rarely used his words to say it. Gadreel couldn’t help but think it meant something much deeper. “So fucking much.”Wetness touched Gadreel’s face, and he realized Dean was crying.“You’re okay, Dean,” he said. “I got you.”Nodding fervently, Dean bit his bottom lip not to scream as Gadreel hit the right spot over and over again.Gadreel bit down on his Sub’s neck, wanting to hear him.Dean got the message, letting out his pleasure with loud, sinful moans.“Please, please,” he begged. “Oh…”Knowing how close his Sub was, Gadreel changed his angle and swung his hips a bit faster.“Fuck!” Dean’s whole body shook under Gadreel, a broken cry leaving his lips as he went slack under Gadreel.A couple of thrusts later, Gadreel came inside Dean, hiding his face in the crook of his Sub’s neck as he moaned.Dean’s breathing caressed Gadreel’s skin as they both panted against each other, and Gadreel closed his eyes. His heartbeat was calmer than it had ever been, despite what they had done, and yet tears pricked at his eyes. He had never experienced something like this before, this deep connection.“You okay, Dean?” His voice was deeper, filled with the pleasure that still sent shivers through his body.“I-” Dean kissed the top of Gadreel’s head, taking his time. “Yes. I’m more than okay. We should do this again… Maybe not soon, though. I don’t think I can take it.”Gadreel let out a small laugh, opening his eyes as he got off from on top of Dean. He laid on his side beside his lover and took him in his arms.“Yeah…” He cleared his throat, taking a long breath. He listened to Dean’s heartbeat against his own, the sharpness of his senses still present despite the scene being over. “Give me a moment, and I’ll take care of you, okay?”“You’ve been taking care of me all night, Ree,” Dean answered, cupping his cheek. “You always do.”Gadreel smiled and peeked Dean’s lips.“I don’t plan to stop anytime soon.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dean closed his eyes and hummed, feeling safe and content as his Dom made sure the water flow wasn’t too strong or hot on his skin. His fingers were intertwined with Gadreel’s, the strong hold grounding him.Usually, Gadreel ran a warm bath for him after a scene, with scented soaps and flower petals. Dean had fought those at first, complaining that he wasn’t a chick, but that was before really knowing his fiancé.Ree loved plants and enjoyed spending hours in botanical gardens. He knew every possible plant name and its care. It was on one of those outings that Dean had realized the petals were a symbol of love and care for him on his fiancé’s part. Since then, he always asked for them.Today, it was too late to run a bath, and Dean wasn’t really in the mood. His mind screamed at him with the need to get clean and cuddle with Gadreel until he fell asleep.Need, need, need, was the only thought his mind could muster as Gadreel caressed and kissed him after the scene, and now it was no different. A voice in the back of his mind told him he should focus, get a grip – that he was annoying and worrying his fiancé. It was too weak to really stick, though, the strong feeling of peace filling his chest.It was not the first time he had ended up in such a space after a scene, but even he could understand it was deeper than usual. Gadreel had shown no signs of confusion or worry as Dean had slipped into it, so content and cozy his body refused to move or talk to avoid breaking the spell. Instead, his Dom understood what Dean needed right away and changed their usual routine to accommodate him.When Ree had softly told Dean they would shower together instead of bathing, Dean had barely managed to give an approving nod. His body had refused to cooperate, and Gadreel had brought him in the shower himself.“Here we go, love.” Ree hung the showerhead to the hook above them and looked him up and down with a hum, as if trying to decide his next move. When he untangled his hand from Dean’s hold, he whined. “Sh, sweetheart, I’m here.” His Dom’s soft voice made a shiver run down his back, and he pressed closer to him. “I’m not going to leave you, okay?” Ree ran his hands through Dean’s hair, massaging his scalp with his fingers. Together with the soft water falling on Dean’s face and body, the gesture lulled him more into his safe place.Love you. Dean kept his eyes shut and focused on Ree’s touch to stay awake, even though his mind wanted to succumb to the calm and sleep.“I promise it’ll be quick, mh?” Ree kept talking, which helped Dean in his battle with his body.“Mhmh.” He wrapped his arms around Ree’s middle, wanting to be even closer to him. Something in the back of his mind told him it would make his Dom’s job harder, but Ree didn’t complain. Instead, he chuckled.“Or not,” his fiancé murmured, lowering his hands to Dean’s neck and arm to squeeze both gently as if to reassure him. Dean loved how soft Ree was with him – even though he often pretended to complain about being coddled, Ree always saw through his bullshit and how much he needed for him to be soft. Dean did not remember a single instance when Ree had raised his voice in anger. Ree caressed Dean’s arms with his fingertips, then trailed down his sides to grab at his thighs. “Let me get the shampoo bottle, my love.”Dean blinked his eyes half open even though they felt heavy.“Mh?” He snuggled closer, putting his chin against his fiancé’s chest. He really couldn’t wait for him to be his husband.Ree gave him a small smile, so bright it almost hurt to look at it. It reached his kind grey eyes, giving him expression lines at the corners. His wet, short black hair crowned his face, in stark contrast with his fair, flushed skin.“You’re very deep into your little world, aren’t you, my love?” He kissed Dean’s nose, his short beard tickling Dean’s skin as he reached towards the shelf behind him to get the shampoo bottle.Dean gave a relaxed sigh and nodded.
Gadreel poured some shampoo on his hand and put the bottle back in its place.It wasn’t rare for Dean to go down like this, but this looked deeper than usual. He had to help Dean into the shower, and his Sub had not said a coherent word since. Gadreel’s mind supplied it was probably because of the scene – although it hadn’t been hard for him, it had been emotionally challenging for Dean, and that made Gadreel vigilant. I need to get him cleaned and ready for bed. He rubbed his hands together to spread the shampoo, then ran his fingers through Dean’s short hair and started massaging it in.Dean closed his eyes again, and Gadreel was certain he was the only thing keeping his Sub up.“There we go, my love,” Gadreel murmured, pressing his thumbs on Dean’s temples. There was something relaxing about taking care of Dean, and Gadreel found it easy to slip into that role every time. Loving Dean was easy. It was also cathartic. He had made plenty of mistakes in his life, but Dean wasn’t one of them. If anything, he had been his salvation.Dean grabbed at his arm, almost the ghost of a touch, before his hand fell to his side, and sighed contently. It was as if he had sensed Gadreel’s thoughts – or so he wanted to read the gesture.“Oh, sweetheart…” Gadreel washed his hands and grabbed the bodywash to gently scrub Dean’s body. It was not the right time to drag it out as they usually did – no sitting beside the bath tube as Dean soaked in the water and they talked about the most random things, no reading Dean’s Vonnegut book collection aloud to him. Gadreel cleaned Dean up as quickly as possible while still caressing his tender body.It was almost uncanny to see his Sub this peaceful and relaxed. Vulnerable. Outside of a scene or before it, in their day-to-day life, Dean was loud and liked to joke around. He often quoted pop culture things that Gadreel almost never got, despite him spending the last few years trying to catch up. Dean was also very anxious and angry at times – something he had inherited from his family and that he was slowly getting rid of and healing from with Gadreel. Dean had told him more than once that it was thanks to him, because Gadreel had showed him he deserved to be loved and cared for just as much as everyone else. It was something weird to be proud of, but Gadreel was. For the first time in a long while, his action had not brought pain upon someone else, but healing.The soap and shampoo fell down Dean’s face and body, creating little rivets, and swirling when getting on the shower floor. Gadreel made sure none of the product was left on Dean and turned off the water.“There we go,” he said, opening the curtain. He grabbed the big, fluffy towel he had prepared earlier and wrapped Dean in it, not caring about himself. “Let’s get out of here, mh?”Dean’s only answer was a low hum as he pressed himself – perhaps not even consciously – against Gadreel, who chuckled. Dean was too adorable for his own good.“Fine.” He put his arm under Dean’s legs and pulled him up bridal-style. His fiancé would have never allowed him to do this if he had been in his full mental capabilities – which was unfortunate, considering how many times Gadreel had dreamed of doing it when they finally got married. His mind zeroed on the thought, imagining Dean beside him in front of the officiant. He and Dean had already talked about it, and they had picked a greenhouse as their location. Dean would look perfect among the flowers… He shook his head, walking into their bedroom. The night of the abatjour he had left turned on to make his life easier guided him, and he managed to put Dean in a sitting position on the bed. Putting himself next to his Sub, he started drying him off.“Ree…” Dean’s voice came out muffled from under the towel while Gadreel dried his hair. He moved his head up slightly, his half-open green eyes finding Gadreel as the towel fell down to his shoulders.“Yes, my love?” He asked in a murmur as he dried Dean’s back. “You must be hungry, mh?”Dean shook his head, leaning against him.“Jus’ thirsty.”Gadreel squeezed his arm, using his free hand to keep at his work. The last thing they needed was for Dean to get a cold – he would become insufferable. He loved his fiancé, but Dean with a cold or a fever was the stuff of nightmares.“Wanna sleep…” Dean yawned. The fact he wasn’t hungry was kind of a surprise – he could count on the fingers of one hand the times that had happened, and he still had Dean eat something on those occasions anyway. This time around, though, Gadreel thought it would be better to wait for food until Dean had some sleep and recovered from his current mental state.“Okay,” he said, grabbing a pair of boxers and manhandling his lover gently to put them on him. “Let’s finish the Gatorade we opened earlier, okay?” He grabbed the drink from the nightstand, where it sat with a bottle of water, and uncapped it, gently putting the opening against Dean’s lips.His Sub opened his mouth and drank slowly while Gadreel made sure he didn’t choke. He had drunk half of it before Gadreel had brought him into the shower, but it was better for him to finish it. When he was done, Gadreel put the bottle back in its place and retrieved his sweatpants.“Good,” he murmured, fighting off a yawn as he put them back on. Now that he had taken care of Dean, his mind was ready for sleep, and all the adrenaline was leaving in favor of a fog clouding his thoughts. He blinked, forcing his eyes to stay open, at least for a few moments more. I need to make sure Dean’s okay. “Dean, do you need anything else?”Dean, who was now lying on his side with his head against his pillow, cracked an eye open.“Cuddles?” He raised his arm and made a grabbing gesture with his hand, which prompted a small smile from Gadreel. Sometimes, he wished he could record these moments to show his fiancé later.“Of course.” He lay on the other side and pressed himself against Dean’s back, wrapping him in his arms. “Time to rest. I’ll prepare you something for breakfast later.” He kissed the top of Dean’s head and closed his eyes, Dean’s soft snoring already filling his ears.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dean looked at the list he had written down, tapping the pen against the table. He had been sitting there for over four hours or so, trying to give sense to his thoughts and muster the courage to actually give his ideas a form.A couple of days earlier, he had mentioned to Gadreel that they should try some new things during scenes, and Gadreel had agreed – as long as Dean put down a list of the things he wanted to try and the level of comfort he had with it. Of course, Gadreel could say no to any of it for whatever reason, and Dean wouldn’t complain about it. It took two to tango, and they both had to enjoy it. That was fundamental for both of them. Gadreel, though, also wished for Dean to ask properly and vocally about what he wanted, and that was why he found himself sitting in the kitchen with crumpled pieces of paper all over the floor. The list was a minefield of notes, crossed-out options, and question marks.“Ugh.” Dean scrunched up his nose as he re-read it all for the millionth time and sighed. He knew Gadreel wouldn’t judge him for any of the kinks he had listed, but it still felt awkward to ask for this stuff. Besides, some of it leaned on the heavier side, at least for them, and he wasn’t sure his fiancé would be on board. Gadreel was gentle and caring in everything he did, even being a Dom. It was something Dean had never thought possible, at least in relation to himself. He knew he could be challenging, and before meeting Gadreel he thought he could never do anything right. Or so his father had always said. Gadreel never raised his voice either, at least with Dean – all he needed to do was to raise his eyebrow, and Dean would stop sassing him immediately. Even his punishments were gentle, if firm, and were always related to Dean’s wrongdoings. Spanking happened rarely, on the few occasions Dean truly needed to let go and cry safely in Gadreel’s embrace. Dean never thought even getting punished could be an act of love, and yet, with Gadreel, it was. Goddammit, I'm getting distracted. Raising his eyes up to the ceiling in exasperation, Dean let out a grunt and stretched his arms. It was time to make dinner before Ree came back from work, anyway, so he had no time to change anything about the damn list.Knowing Gadreel disliked untidiness – it made them both anxious, if Dean had to be honest with himself – he picked the pieces of paper off the floor and threw them into the proper bin, then washed his hands and searched the fridge and cabinets to find some inspiration. Gadreel would come back from a long, tiring shift, and today was particularly cold. It would probably start raining soon, which made Dean immediately think of making some hot, filling soup. I could actually try that one I saw the other day… Ree would love it. He stopped in the middle of the kitchen and squinted his eyes, trying to remember where he had put his tablet.“Ah!” He half-ran to the living room to retrieve it, then quickly turned it on and found the blog post with the recipe. The damn thing looked tasty, and even though the quantities were set for ten servings, Dean reckoned he could store it in the freezer and take it out when needed. Meal prep had saved their asses more than once, anyway, as they were both pretty busy during the week. He put the tablet on the counter, washed his hands again and got the fresh vegetables needed for the soup. Gadreel always stocked their fridge with so many greens, and Dean wasn’t quite sure how he always managed to stay on budget for it all. That stuff was expensive.As he set himself to work, he could feel the stress from the hours spent thinking and making the list leave his body. All the thoughts about Gadreel judging him negatively or – and he was ashamed of that thought even crossing his mind – breaking up with him left his mind, as if washed away, while he focused on following the recipe’s directions.
Following a list of things to do was easy, safe. He didn't have to worry too much about what to do next, or how. It was comforting, in a way. Exhaling deeply, Dean nodded to himself and preheated the oven, then set up two greased baking sheets to put the vegetables on. As he chopped carrots, zucchini, potatoes, red peppers, and grape tomatoes, he found himself humming “Hey Jude”, his mom’s favorite song. He stopped with the knife in mid-air. It had been a long while since he had last heard that song, and even more since he had last sung it. Mary had died when he was only four, and she probably wouldn’t have recognized her little girl in the man Dean had become, but of something Dean was certain: his mother would have loved Gadreel as much as he did. With renewed energy and a smile, Dean fixed all the veggies in the sheets and eyed the still-untouched mushrooms, tapping his fingers on the counter as he pondered his options. He wasn’t really a fan, but Ree liked them, and he was making this for him. Sighing, he cut them up and added them to the rest, then sprayed it all with cooking spray and added salt.While the food roasted in the oven, he went back to sit at the table and eyed the list once more. His shoulders tensed at the sight, but he closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe slowly, counting the seconds as he inhaled and exhaled. There was no reason for him to be anxious. Gadreel was not John Winchester. There would be no screaming, there would be no violence. There would be talking and understanding.Dean took the pen and crossed off the voice “impact play w/ objects”. He had not been completely sure of wanting to try it out anyway, even if it looked hot on video. He had added it to the list because it sounded like a challenge – make something that used to terrify him into something fun, show that he had grown, that he wasn't a scaredy-cat. Now, he was sure it was a hard no for him. The thought of Gadreel hitting him with anything made him want to curl up on the floor. Spanking was different, he realized – there was direct, comforting contact between them when it happened, and the fact Gadreel did it so sparingly and only when Dean really needed it made it so that Dean’s brain understood his fiancé wasn’t beating him for the sake of it.Going over the other things he had written down, he thought they could all stay for when he talked with Gadreel, despite the insecurity about some of them. He knew that, by talking not with Ree, he'd know for sure if it was something for them or not. The last time they had tried something new, it had been a blindfold while Dean was tied up; Dean had been unsettled at the thought of being so vulnerable, but Gadreel had taken such good care of him both during and after the scene that they had used it again without issues. Having Gadreel as his Dom made all the difference.Feeling restless, Dean got up and rolled his shoulders, letting out an ‘oof’ against the ache. He checked the veggies over, stirring them to make sure they wouldn't burn, then decided the best course of action was cleaning – so, he started with the kitchen counter, then swept the floor. Physical activities always helped him get over heavy emotions or thoughts, because he had to focus completely on his actions to get shit done. By the time he had finished, peace had settled in his overactive brain, and the vegetables were ready, so he took them out of the oven and checked the directions again.The apartment door opened just as he started blending the contents of one of the baking sheets with water to make the soup.“I’m home!” Gadreel’s steps were soft like the ones of a predator, almost impossible to hear. The first couple of months, he had reminded Dean of a panther hunting its prey, but Dean’s ears had had time to adapt over the years, and the softness of Ree’s movements had become nothing but comforting - an absolute contrast to the loudness of his childhood. His fiancé stopped at the kitchen’s door, and Dean turned to see him leaning on the frame. Drops of water ran down his coat onto the floor, and Gadreel took it off to hang it on a chair. “No ‘welcome home’ kiss, my love?”Dean rolled his eyes, but gave him a huge smile.“I’m cooking, isn’t that a good enough welcome?” He joked, then put down the blender and went to go and kiss Gadreel, who leaned down and wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle. Sighing into the kiss, Dean leaned on Ree’s chest and focused on the tepid warmth of his fiancé’s hands over his back. “I missed you.”“Missed you, too.” Gadreel kissed him again, nibbling at Dean’s bottom lip to ask for permission to deepen the contact.Dean allowed it, parting his lips to welcome Gadreel’s tongue in as he cupped his cheek. Gadreel tasted of the mint candies he chewed during his shift – he said the strong taste kept him awake during boring hours when nothing happened and his annoying coworker never shut his mouth. Dean preferred Gadreel’s job to be boring – interesting meant Gadreel would have to use his gun and hurt someone or get hurt, which made Dean’s skin crawl. The last time Gadreel had been shot, it had not been fun.Gadreel hummed, nodding towards the soup-to-be.“That smells good, love.” His voice was almost a whisper, soothing, kind. Dean was still not used to the difference between being with Gadreel and living with his father, the calm after the storm.“Thanks.” Dean kissed the corner of Ree’s mouth and jokingly curled his nose. “I’ll finish making it while you wash up. You stink.”“I do not stink.” Gadreel’s offended frown was adorable, and it was extremely hard for Dean to keep up the pretense as his fiancé squinted his fair grey eyes in confusion. “Wait… Do I?” He turned his face to smell at his clothes, still frowning, and blinked in confusion when he found nothing out of the ordinary.“No,” Dean laughed, pinching his cheek. “I was joking.”Gadreel sighed and rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his face. A smile Dean knew very well.“Are you going to be a brat all night, my love?”“No…” Dean cleared his throat, suddenly alert. He knew this moment would come, but that didn’t mean he was ready for it. Taking a step back from Gadreel, he lowered his gaze to the floor and pulled at his fingers, trying to calm himself. “Actually, I uhm…”“Dean?” The worry in Gadreel’s voice was palpable, and it somehow reassured Dean – he knew Gadreel would do his best to put him at ease and work things out.With a long sigh, he tried to relax his nerves.“You know how, uhm, I mentioned I wanted to try out new things?” He started, daring to glance back at Gadreel.His fiancé raised his brow and nodded, not giving anything away.“I told you to make a detailed list.”“Yeah. Well, uhm.” Dean switched his weight from one leg to the other, picking at his nails. “I… I made it? And, uhm. I’d like to talk about it after dinner…”“I see.” Gadreel took Dean’s hand into his own and kissed its back. “In that case, I’ll go wash up. We’ll have dinner and then we’ll settle down to talk. Alright, love?” The Dom tone.“Yessir.” Dean nodded and hugged Gadreel, breathing in his familiar scent. He could do this.
Gadreel stretched his arms above his head, joining his hands together to pull at his sore muscles even more. There was a nice crack in his back, and he gave a satisfied sigh as his achy body loosened a little.The light sound of rain coming from outside lulled his brain, and it made him want to cuddle up on the couch with Dean even more than usual, perhaps under the fluffiest blanket they had. That was their usual go-to activity when Gadreel had long, tiring shifts and Dean had spent the day studying for his exams.I should ask him if he actually did that, Gadreel mused, or if he used the list as an excuse not to. He was still sitting at the dinner table, relaxing his mind and slowly letting go of work-related thoughts so he could focus on his Sub’s needs. Yawning, he ran a hand over his face, then took a peek at the list Dean had prepared. Since he knew this was giving Dean a good deal of anxiety, he would focus on it and deal with the studying – and possible punishment – during another time. Some items had already been crossed out, while some had question marks next to them, and others little notes. That’s good, Gadreel nodded to himself, humming as he eyed the crossed-out options. Negotiation was something extremely important to him, because it meant both people had thought about what they wanted and needed, and the fact Dean had actually put effort into making the list Gadreel had asked for told him his beloved was taking it just as seriously. The canceled things were mostly on the heavier side, something he was quite certain Dean couldn't handle, nor would Gadreel enjoy doing to him, and he was glad Dean had realized it on his own. In a way, he was learning to enforce his own boundaries with himself.Dean changed the song he was humming while washing the dishes, and Gadreel smiled at his back, warmth spreading in his chest. Dean had the bad tendency to be careless with himself, trying to please and take care of everyone around him. Gadreel had been trying to make him be a little more selfish, more careful about his own boundaries. This time, his Sub knew that his usual careless behavior wouldn’t be okay – Gadreel would have actually been insulted by it, as it would have meant Dean was endangering them both by thinking Gadreel wouldn’t care about his limits and not caring about Gadreel’s own. He was proud of the fact his beloved Submissive had worked against himself to do the right thing. Perhaps, he could come up with a way to show him how proud he was. They would both probably not have the energy to do much tonight, especially after the talk awaiting them, but there was always tomorrow morning. Having Dean make the list hadn't been the only nice surprise after work, either. His beloved had also cooked dinner, making something more for Gadreel than himself – it was a huge thing, for Gadreel. Usually, they took turns to meal prep and warm up what they already had, but Gadreel wasn’t in the mood to cook today, and they would have probably ended up ordering a pizza or something that truly wasn’t as good as a home-cooked meal from the person you love. Didn’t matter that the vegetables were slightly burned or that it was a bit too salty. This whole thing meant more to him than Dean would ever believe.“Dean?” Gadreel softly said, getting up to go hug his fiancé. Dean dried his hands with a kitchen cloth and turned around, sighing happily against Gadreel’s chest as his arms wrapped around him.“You okay?” Dean nuzzled his chin, his breath soft against Gadreel’s beard.“Yeah… I just need to hold you for a second, okay?” He took in Dean’s soft, familiar scent and kissed the top of his head. Work had been extremely tiring today – one of his new colleagues was an absolute idiot, and he had spent the whole day fixing his mistakes. For the whole time, he had only thought about coming back home to a warm shower and some cuddles with Dean; but he had never truly realized how much it meant to him to have Dean by his side until now. Gadreel had been raised with a family that didn’t care about him at all, and only remembered him when they needed something from him, bet it money or a favor. Dean was different. He never hid his love, and he showed it in so many ways Gadreel had lost count. His love was selfless – he loved Gadreel just because, with no hidden goals; he did things for him, like making dinner from scratch, because he cared about him. He left little notes in his lunch bag and loudly complained when he didn’t sleep enough or took care of himself properly, hurting because Gadreel was hurting. It was something he had never experienced before being with Dean, which made him want to take care of him and protect him even more.“Bad day at work?” Dean hummed, kissing his cheek as he squeezed his arm in a comforting gesture.“Yes,” Gadreel conceded. “But this is not about that… I just realized how much you mean to me, love. How much you love me.”Dean blushed brightly and cleared his throat, as usual when Gadreel said things he wasn’t used to hearing. Then, he attempted to joke, voice high:“And you realized it while I was doing the dishes?”“Would there be better moments to realize you love someone? Does it make it mean less?” Gadreel looked down at his fiancé, raising his brow as he caressed Dean’s cheek with his thumb. “Don’t you think it’s the small things that make you understand?”“Uhm…” Dean frowned, possibly thinking about it as he leaned onto Gadreel’s touch. “I guess so… Yeah.” He nodded, seemingly convinced of what Gadreel was saying, and eyed his face critically. “Are you sure you want to talk about the list tonight? You’re a bit pale, and clearly tired. You should rest, our kinky talk can wait…”Gadreel snorted, holding back a laugh. The usual Dean.“You spent a lot of time thinking about it, Dean,” he said, then put his chin on dean’s head, holding him even tighter. He knew he was exhausted, but he didn’t want to disappoint Dean. His beloved should always come first. “And you’re anxious about it.”“I can manage, Ree.” Dean squeezed him, moving away so he could look him in the eyes. “We can talk about that stuff when you’re not so tired you might fall…”“I’m not that tired,” he protested, but his legs were so heavy Dean might actually be right.“Do we need to reverse our roles?” Dean challenged, and yelped when Gadreel pinched his ass, his hand flying to cover the ‘injured’ spot.“Don’t test your luck,” Gadreel deadpanned, but with a smile, making sure Dean knew he wasn’t angry. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, then. I’m home all day. Let’s get ready for bed while you tell me which exams you studied for today.”“Erhm…”“Knew it.” Gadreel shook his head, chuckling as he kissed Dean’s temple. “You’re incorrigible.”“You love it, you just told me,” Dean laughed, pulling him towards the bathroom so they could start their nightly routine.“That I do, my love. That I do.”