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Louis slams his tray on the slightly sticky table and pulls back the chair. It’s unnecessarily heavy and makes a scratching noise. Across from him, Niall has already gulped down a good third of his food. Right at the beginning of their friendship, Louis’ colleague had told him that he had little self-control when it came to food, and no composure to wait for him to start eating together after strenuous work. Today the food servery had also taken extra long because the bitchy cashier is working and the guy before Louis had forgotten his ID. “So,” Niall shoves more sweet potato fries into his mouth, even though it's already too full to speak, “how was your holiday? Do anything fun?”Plopping down on the chair and moving it closer to the table, Louis shrugs. Niall’s fries look yummy, but he snatched the last portion so Louis is stuck with partially undercooked pasta. And not even penne, just spaghetti. “Mh, not much to be honest.” He picks up the fork, not bothering to use a knife or spoon. ”It was exactly what you’d expect from a holiday in February. It rained on eleven of fourteen days.”“Didn’t you say something about a spontaneous trip? Somewhere warm?”Louis nods as he wriggles some spaghetti onto his fork. “I considered it, yeah. But the late booking prices were a little too overpriced, so I’m saving up for a proper summer holiday now.”“Do you have something in mind? Spain again?”“Maybe, I don’t know. Or Italy. I’ll see. Nothing too far away.” He shrugs again and attempts to trap some more noodles on his fork but they keep sliding off, slippery from the disgusting sauce they call “tomato.” Louis doubts it contains anything but water and red food colouring. “Did I miss anything exciting here while I was away?”Niall holds up a hand to signal him to wait while he’s washing down the food with some Coke, swallowing loudly. He’s the noisiest eater Louis knows. “Azoff cut the budget again, we’re getting a new paed on Monday and Zayn threatened to quit about four times. Per day. Does that count as exciting?” His face lights up a second later. “Oh, and Michael and Isaac from cardio are rumoured to be fucking. Liam says his colleague who does physio on the cardio ward saw them making out in the backroom.”Louis only has a blurry picture of the two men in mind, but hums. Hospital-internal relationships and friends with benefits arrangements are far from uncommon, and always good gossip. Being friends with Niall means he’s always up to date too, because the nurse has his ears and eyes everywhere. “Good for them.”They stay silent for a couple minutes, until Niall has finished his lunch and leans back in his chair with a satisfied sigh. He rests his arms behind his head while he licks the ketchup residues from his lips. “Do you remember little Remi? In room 207?”“Of course,” Louis says. The boy Niall is talking about is seven years old and was already one of his patients before Louis was on leave. He’s in hospital for severe pneumonia, but he has remained particularly prominent in Louis' memory because he has been suffering from childhood blindness since he was born prematurely. But the boy deals with it as if it were completely normal, and the strength and ease with which children go through life never cease to impress Louis. “Two of his siblings were sick so his mother couldn’t visit on Saturday, so he was complaining how boring the hospital is. He’s doing much better now, I think he’s going to be discharged tomorrow actually.” Louis nods along to assure him he’s following. “So Zayn stole a triangle from the OT’s and play therapists’ cupboard and I put on some songs on my phone that he knew from Kidz bop. And then he sang and played along to them on the triangle, if you can call it that. Those things make an awful lot of sound.”Leave it to Niall to make sure the children, even as seriously ill as they are, have as good a time as possible in the hospital. He always has clever ideas about how to distract the children from painful treatments or boredom, and Louis sometimes has to enviously acknowledge that he can still learn something from his colleague. “That’s such a sweet idea.”Niall grins happily and picks up the half-empty bottle of Coke without opening it. “He absolutely loved it, hardly wanted to stop. And it was so loud that it naturally attracted other children. Lavanya came over to have a look and Cemil asked me afterwards what the noise was. He still has to be monitored.”Continuing to gush about how gracious Cemil's family is and that his mother offers Niall homemade Turkish specialties every time she comes by, which is every day, Louis drifts off. From their regular spot in the cafeteria, Louis looks directly at the glass entrance door and likes to observe who comes in when for lunch break. Today it's just the two of them, but sometimes the therapists join them. The doctors usually sit together and keep to themselves. Not to be rude, Louis gets on very well with Sarah and Mitch, the paediatrician couple on his ward, but it's just an established routine that way, and no one breaks it. Niall is just raving about how delicious the Revani smelled when he came into Cemil's room when Elin, one of the newly hired OTs, enters the cafeteria, a colleague Louis doesn't know in tow. Elin's pretty, a little reserved but friendly, and absolutely not Louis' type, but his gaze falls on her shoes anyway. White trainers with a blue N on the side, New Balance. The same shoes Louis had seen practically every working day for a good year. But on someone else. It’s ridiculous how much the inevitable memories sting, just by looking at a pair of trainers. Harry has absolutely ruined New Balance trainers for him. And blue scrubs. And the chips place across the street from Silver Street Hospital. And the joy of working on Saturdays when Azoff isn’t around. Louis hasn't thought about Harry since half an hour after the shift started, when Krystle told him that she was binging Gogglebox last night and therefore didn't get enough sleep - a sure reminder of Harry’s temporary Gogglebox obsession. Five hours isn't much without thinking about someone, but that's as long as it gets. Louis came to terms with that two years ago. When Harry walked out the door with his stupid New Balance trainers and never looked back.  When Louis was still fresh in the job, having just started his first permanent position as a band five nurse, he was extremely worried about doing something wrong when giving out medication. Mixing up the drugs, or the patients, or giving the wrong dose. Helene, the band seven ward manager, had reassured him at the time that these insecurities would pass with experience. Back then it seemed like a stupid phrase, but she had been right. All of Louis' hand movements are routine as he prepares the drugs for the first round of medication of his shift. Next to him, Krystle is preparing the antibiotic drip for her patient who was admitted as an emergency last night.“Have you ever thought about doing anything other than this?”Looking up from the tablet blister he’s holding, Louis watches her put down the drip on the counter. “What do you mean?”“Have you ever thought about going back to uni? Getting a master’s? Doing something other than inpatient nursing?”Louis ponders for a moment, tilting his head. “I mean, yeah. I thought about doing a master's for a quite a while, but then ... never did it.”“Why?”There are countless factors that feed into the answer to this question, many that make Louis feel guilty and lazy, and even more that remind him of curly brown hair and past conversations about the future. But the meds room is not the place to unpack his issues, and especially not when Krystle is clearly trying to strike up a conversation about herself. So, he settles for the easiest reply. “I don’t know, just never did.”His colleague stares at the drugs beneath her hands for a few seconds and presses her lips together. “Why are you asking? Are you thinking about it?”She keeps her gaze fixed downwards for a little longer, then turns her upper body in Louis' direction. “Yes. I just… I can’t imagine not doing anything but this,” she vaguely gestures around the room, the opened drawers full of various prescription drugs, “for the rest of my life.” She pauses shortly to exhale and Louis can see her whole body deflate a little. “Is that stupid?”“I don’t think it’s stupid, no,” Louis shakes his head. “It's not as if I don't enjoy the job at all!” she rushes to explain, as if to justify herself. “But the idea of doing only this until retirement without at least having tried something else makes me... sick.”“I think a lot of people develop that feeling when they've been on the job for a while and a certain routine sets in. And especially when the job is as stressful as ours is. So no, I really don't think it's stupid that you're thinking about going back to school and trying other fields.”  Louis makes an effort to keep his voice as neutral as possible, calm, his words considered and without any criticism. After all, he can understand Krystle's situation better than he is willing to admit. Paediatric nursing had never really been his dream job, it had just… kind of happened, and then he had liked it enough not to give it up. His mother had been a midwife at the hospital and had got him an internship in the children's ward when he still had to proof one for school and was too late to snatch anything else that interested him. He’d liked the work with sick patients enough that he had not bothered to search further after his A-levels, but had simply enrolled for it.“Thank you, Louis,” Krystle attempts a smile as she gathers the medication for her patients. She is on her way out of the room when the door is suddenly forcefully opened and a fuming Zayn enters, closing the door behind him. “We’re not getting paid enough for this,” he puffs. In a comic, steam would rise from his ears.  “I’ll sign that right away, but what’s it today?”Zayn hikes up his scrubs trousers and pulls the worn, greenish discoloured band at the side tighter, then pulls his shirt back over it. Every ward has a nurse who is just far too good-looking and immediately catches everyone's eye. In the children's ward’s nurse station, it's Zayn, without any competition. Louis doesn't know anyone who looks as ridiculously good in scrubs as he does. Well, in green scrubs at least. “The left computer hung up again and then started bugging when I wanted to document something on Freya, and then it didn't save twice. That's why I’m late with Albie, although I wanted to bring him new painkillers earlier, and his father is bitching the entire time and then complained to Azoff, who was running around in the hallway for some motherfucking reason. Probably to fuck with me. Or to check whether we're really doing our job, I don't know.”After his rant, Zayn takes a breath, then pulls open the drawer with the painkillers. Krystle shoots Louis a silent glance where she stands at the door, a hand on the doorhandle. “The next time he dares to criticise me for the way I’m doing my job, I’m telling him to wipe some arses before speaking to me again.”Both Krystle and Louis snort loudly. “What! It’s true. It’s always people who don’t know what we’re really doing who’ve got the biggest mouths.”“I totally agree with you,” Louis says, slightly raising his hands in defence, just to be sure. There’s needles in this room, after all.Krystle’s bun bobs on her head as she nods in agreement, the door handle now pushed down. She winks. “Tell us in advance, I’d love to be there when you say that to Azoff’s face.”“Oh please do, I’ve got a few things to add as well.”The approving words of his colleagues seem to calm Zayn down a little and he pushes the drawer enviably elegantly shut with his hip. He gives Louis a quick once-over and examines the prepared medicine.“Got everything?”“Yup.”Zayn turns to Krystle and nods at her to open the door. “Then let's give the little buggers some meds. And maybe sneak some sedatives into Albie’s father’s pretentious Italian coffee,” he mumbles the last bit under his breath, but Louis catches it anyway. He cackles and sees the corner of Zayn’s mouth tug upwards. One of the first things Louis learned at uni was that, in paediatrics, you have two patients: the sick child, and the parent. And as it is with everything, some patients are more pleasant than others. From what Louis’ heard and seen, Albie’s father falls into the second category, so he crosses his fingers that Zayn will get through his shift without punching something in the backroom. In a way, working as an inpatient nurse means leaving behind the socially normative work pattern, as is the case in many system relevant professions. You work long shifts, weekends, night shifts, holidays. At first Louis mourned his weekends, but eventually you inevitably get used to it. And being able to sleep in on a random Wednesday can also be quite nice. It allows Louis to go to the shops at times when the majority of the population is in educational institutions or offices, but when he is at home after a 12-hour shift, the day is really over.Louis’ shift on Monday is undeniably that, though. A very Monday-y shift. It had frozen during the night, so the roads were still slippery in the early morning, and that is always a sure predictor of full A&E rooms and more hospitalisations. The first thing Louis is told when he enters the nurse station is that they’re understaffed for the day because Bebe called in sick and no one was able to cover the shift spontaneously. Sadly, they already have enough experience with being understaffed, but it definitely doesn't make you look forward to your shift when you know what you're in for. During the handover, his impression that today will truly not be an easy day at work is reinforced. Imani, a four-year-old who is currently Louis' youngest patient, has hardly slept at all during the night and is, as a result, cranky, crying non-stop and unapproachable when it comes to sweet-talking. And when Louis has finally collected breakfast, half an hour later than average, Niall intercepts him. “Are you coming?”“Where to?”Niall shoots him a funny look. “The conference room? For the paeds team meeting?”“Huh, since when is that on the schedule for today?”“Azoff sent an e-mail around last week, and again this morning as a reminder.”“Somehow that completely slipped past me.” Louis checks the little clock hanging from his shirt’s pocket. “I have to go and check on Tallulah for a minute, then I'll join you.”“Alright. But don’t take too long, you know how Azoff is.”Louis raises his eyebrows, entirely unimpressed. He isn’t one for unnecessary confrontation, and usually swallows criticism when he knows there’s no point in arguing when someone’s ID on their shirt says something that’s considered higher than Louis’ band five nurse badge, but he's not going to do Azoff's bidding. “My patients come first. Feel free to tell him that if he asks.” With that, he turns on his heels and strides to Tallulah’s room. Contrary to Louis' promise to his colleague, however, he is not briskly on his way to the conference room a minute later. When he helps Tallulah up to change her shirt over which she had poured the entire cup of apple juice, she throws up violently, spilling her half-digested breakfast all over Louis' scrubs. As is often the case, she immediately starts crying out of shame and sobs so much that she has difficulty breathing. After Louis assures the young girl several times that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and that she is by far not the first to feel sick from the medication, she calms down a bit. Once he deems it reasonable to leave her alone, Louis rushes to the staff bathroom and attempts to do some rough damage control, but before he can take a paper towel out of the dispenser, the work phone rings in his pocket. He recognises Niall's number immediately. “Are you coming, Lou?” Niall’s voice echoes through the speaker, and the Jeff is making me call you is implied in his tone. “Yes,” Louis replies tersely through gritted teeth, wiping his scrubs so that only the brownish stains are still visible, then hangs up. He would like to go get changed straight away, but the uniform storeroom is on the other side of the building, and Jeff will probably track him down personally if he takes any longer. Everyone attending works in a hospital and should be able to handle it anyway, especially since Louis hopes this mysterious meeting won't last more than a few minutes. Maybe it's about some absurd requirements they have to achieve for certification again. So he dumps the dirty paper towels in the bin, pockets his phone, washes and disinfects his hands, and then quickly makes his way to the conference room. He presses the door opener and impatiently waits for the automatic door to open wide enough for him to slide through. The door to the conference room is ajar, so Louis knocks once and then enters without a reply. The room is already crowded with members of all professions from the multidisciplinary paediatric team, doctors, nurses, PTs, OTs, play therapists, nutritionists, psychologists, social workers. Whoever is on shift and expandable for a couple minutes. The senior consultant Jeff Azoff stands in front of the white wall on which the PC screen is projected during weekly and monthly team meetings, and he looks a little too self-important for Louis' taste. He briefly nods to his boss, then sits down in the seat that is fortunately still free next to Niall. “How nice of you to join us, Louis,” Azoff clasps his hands together. “I think we’re complete now and can finally start.”Niall leans over to him and whispers in his ear in order to not attract Azoff’s attention. “What happened to you?” Louis follows his friend’s gaze and grimaces at the stains. “Tallulah puked on me. Didn’t have time to change.”“Yikes.”Though Louis would’ve preferred to chat with his colleague, or just about anyone in the room, Azoff catches everyone’s eyes as he begins to speak. “As many of you have already been informed over the last few weeks, I have the pleasure of introducing a new colleague to you today. And not just any colleague, but a familiar one. Mr Styles, if you could stand up for a moment and introduce yourself?”Louis’ heart stops, just like that. And when it finally starts beating again, it does so with such force that his hand involuntarily jumps up and rests on his chest, as if to make sure his heart won’t break his ribs and hop right onto the floor. He accidentally touches a still wet spot on his scrubs, but his brain doesn't even register that because his eyes are fixed on the man to Azoff's left, who he hadn't noticed before. The man who rises and stands next to Azoff waves into the round with a broad grin and has probably already wormed his way into the hearts of most people in the room by the mere presence of his dimples. Well, next to Jeff Azoff, you can only look likeable. His hair is shorter. His arms are littered in more tattoos. A stubble is dusting his jawline. The blue scrubs for doctors are the same, as are his New Balance trainers. Those damn shoes and the man wearing them that have haunted Louis’ dreams in the past two years. “Hello everyone, it's nice to meet you all. My name is Harry Styles. I just received my CCT a couple weeks ago, but some of you may remember me from my Level 2 training year here at Silver Street. I have spent the last two years training at Great Ormond Street Hospital in London, with a focus on respiratory medicine, and am now looking forward to applying the knowledge I gained there here.”He looks around the room, still grinning, until his eyes meet Louis'. For a second everything is frozen. Time, the people around them. The dark blue of Harry’s scrubs floods the radiant green of his iris with a hue of blue, and it’s all so infuriating. Harry keeps up the facade, doesn't falter. He has always been good at that. Eyes still locked with Louis', he continues his introductory speech. “It’s nice to see some familiar faces, and I'm also looking forward to getting to know the unknown ones in the days and weeks to come!”There is no use in changing his scrubs because Louis, too, feels like vomiting on them now. This must be a cruel joke. A nightmare. Is he ill? Is this a fever dream? Is Louis about to die? He sure feels like it. Everything that is said afterwards, all the greetings of colleagues and anticipations of good cooperation, is lost in a droning noise. Louis lowers his gaze to the linoleum floor and his fingers fumble uncontrollably. Harry is back. He’s here in this very room, daring to smile at Louis while announcing he’s happy to see some familiar faces from past times. As if the past years of no contact hadn’t happened, or hurt. Louis can't breathe in this far too crowded room, and as soon as Azoff's words go in the direction of dismissal, Louis leaps up from his chair, tears open the door and puts distance between himself and the conference room, faster and faster, until he finally runs down the hall. He hammers the door opener button furiously several times, even though he knows it won't make it open any faster, but he doesn't want to be followed by Niall under any circumstances. What he wants is to rip the dirty scrubs off his body, end the shift early and crawl under his duvet at home for two days while forcing Oli to bring him sweets on a regular basis. Maybe when he’d wake up tomorrow, Harry wouldn’t be back, working at Silver Street Hospital, where Louis’ going to see his disgustingly pretty face multiple times a week.  Eleanor is already documenting when Louis is finished with the first care round of his shift and joins her in the nurses’ station. Her neat nails type away on the keyboard and she looks up for a second as he fetches an empty desk chair and sits down so forcefully that he rolls backwards a little.“Hey.”She nods without stopping to re-read and correct the sentence she’s been writing. “Hi.”Louis logs into his account and opens the program where the hospital saves the patients' files. Lucas, his fifteen-year-old patient who had an emergency appendectomy, is going to be discharged later and Louis has to check that everything is recorded before the final report is completed. A few minutes later, that's done and Louis closes Lucas' case file without opening those of Imani or Tallulah. Documenting is the least fun part of his job apart from cleaning up vomit. Fingers tapping around on the keyboard without actually pressing down hard enough to type a letter, Louis stares at the cup with the blue Silver Street Hospital logo next to the screen, filled with about a dozen pens. Yesterday he successfully managed to avoid Harry, probably because the other man was introduced to everyone and made acquainted with everything on his first day at work. Well, reacquainted. But since the team meeting, only half of Louis' brain capacity has been available for work, since theoretically there is a consistent chance of running into Harry. Another whole year could pass and Louis would still have no idea what he’d say to him. “So.” Louis angles himself in Eleanor’s direction when it’s clear he won’t be able to concentrate on documenting anyway. “Harry is back.”“Yeah. I totally forgot that yesterday was going to be his first day.”“You knew about him coming back? Why didn’t you say anything? You could’ve warned me!”Finally, Eleanor turns her head to face him, looking indifferent, unaware of any guilt. “I thought everyone knew, it’s been making the rounds for a couple weeks.” She shrugs. “But honestly, I didn’t think it’d be a big deal.”Louis scowls. “Of course it’s a big deal!”A few of his fellow nurses have been hired in the past two years after Harry left, including Zayn, Niall, and Krystle, and the people who have worked alongside Louis for years aren't close enough friends to consider drawing special attention to Harry’s return. Maybe they didn't really notice the situation between the two men at the time, or they just didn't care. Or, like Helene, they didn't want to meddle. Louis’ got a good, trusting relationship with the ward manager, but she’s more like a mother who watches everything from afar than a friend to him. And despite initial... differences between the two when Eleanor started working at Silver Street a good five years ago, Louis would claim that the two now get on well. But apparently not well enough for Eleanor to bear in mind that Harry's return might have an impact on Louis' emotional stability. “I don’t know man, you two could’ve still been in contact for all I knew. I thought you knew, that he announced himself or something.”To be fair, Louis can't even blame her. The last time he talked about Harry at work was two days after his last day at the hospital. After that, he treated the subject as if Harry were the man who must not be named. And as difficult as it was at first, it became easier once Zayn and Krystle, then Niall joined as colleagues and brought a breath of fresh air into the nurses’ station and Louis' private life. “I didn’t. We weren’t… in contact,” he admits, and somehow he feels pitiful. To make it worse, the corners of Eleanor's mouth contort, as if exactly that were the case now, as if she were now feeling pity for him after all because he has been whining so much. “I didn’t know that. But I think it won't be as bad as you imagine. You got along great then, and you're older now. If there's bad blood, I'm sure it can be sorted out.”Louis averts his eyes, biting on the inside of his cheek until it hurts. “I don’t know. Maybe it’d would’ve been easier to digest if the news hadn’t run me over like that. If I’d had time-”A knock on the glass wall encaging the nurses’ station interrupts them, and when Louis’ head turns to check who’s entering, he bites down harder on the inside of his cheek until he swallows the metallic taste of blood. What’s it with Harry and surprise appearances? Oh god, had he heard their conversation and how rattled Louis is because of him?“Hello, can I come in?” Harry puts on a polite smile. “You’re already in the middle of the room,” Eleanor deadpans. Looking down to his feet, Harry takes the black clipboard he had positioned under his arm in both hands and holds it in front of his body. Louis does his best to keep his eyes on the back of it, to not stray from it. “Louis, can we talk for a minute?”“No.”Under no circumstances is Louis going to have the first conversation with him now, here in the nurses’ station with Eleanor right next to him. Their past deserves more than that. And Louis deserves more time to think about what he’d like to say. “Please, it’s about Tallulah Chapman.”“Oh.”It’s about a patient. Louis wants to punch himself as he feels his cheeks blush in embarrassment. Of course it’s about a patient, not him. They’re at work, and why would Harry approach him now when he had never attempted to do so in the past two years? How naive of Louis. “What about Tallulah?” Louis asks as neutrally as possible once he’s regained his composure, but his eyes do wander up to Harry's face now and suddenly Louis' brain only wants to focus on the visual cinema in front of him instead of the words coming out of the doctor’s perfectly shaped, pink mouth. Next to Louis, Eleanor pulls herself from the conversation by turning back to the computer and continuing documentation. “I read that she threw up yesterday and again tonight, so I adjusted her medication schedule. I wanted to ask if that had a positive effect?”“You could just go and ask her.”Depending on which doctor Louis is dealing with, he would refrain from such an impertinent answer, but Harry will have to cope with it. “I did already,” Harry replies, unbothered by the sass dripping from Louis’ voice. “But still, I find it helpful to include another perspective. And as a nurse, you know the patients better and see more than I do.”The problem is that Harry really doesn't make it easy to hold a grudge against him. He's always kind to everyone, and even back when they met, when Louis was “just” a nurse, Harry had never thought of himself as superior, even though he'd had a stellar career from GCSEs to Level 2 paediatric training. Louis exhales and licks his lips. “She hasn’t thrown up during my shift yet, and she finished her breakfast for the first time in a couple days. Besides an increased appetite, she also seemed a bit more active and alert this morning… That’s my impression.”Harry nods along, looking satisfied. “That fits my impression and what she said. Thank you.”“You’re welcome.”The awkward tension between them is paused when Eleanor gets up and leaves the room without a word, and then the reality of being alone with Harry hits Louis. Neither of them dare to speak up first for a few dreadfully long seconds, and Louis doesn't manage to look the paediatrician in the eyes again. He feels inferior, sitting down while Harry stands there with his muscular legs apart. “You look good. It’s good to see you,” Harry finally says, tone softer than before, and it’s not what Louis expects. There are so many options what he could reply, but he settles on the first thing his raging emotions throw at him.“I wish I could say the same.”Then, without having fully documented his care rounds, he pushes himself up and rushes past Harry, out of the nurse station. He closes his eyes when he doesn’t hear Harry following him right away. The lie burns in his lungs. It is good to see Harry after all, the new, older Harry that the enthusiastic trainee paediatrician grew into, it’s just painful as hell too.  It was bound to happen, but when Louis goes to work the next day and knows that he has to do the doctor’s rounds with Harry, he wants to turn around and walk back home. Or help himself to the narcotics cabinet so that he doesn't have to feel so much pressure in his chest. After Lucas was discharged yesterday, two new patients had been assigned to Louis, both of them with high care needs, which is why Louis had to be quick on his feet. At home he had gone straight to bed and spent the rest of the night watching Netflix until he fell asleep, which had the positive side effect of being able to avoid Oli’s nagging questions about Harry. Louis rolls the trolley with the computer out of the nurses' station as Harry joyfully walks towards him. “Good morning.”“Morning,” Louis forces himself to say. “Shall we?”Their first patient is Tallulah, and Louis enters the room behind Harry after the taller man knocks to announce them. Tallulah is alone in the room, watching a series on the tablet on her lap, and frantically tries to turn it off when she notices the company. “Good morning, Tallulah. How are we this bright morning?” Harry’s voice is chipper, his smile wide. “Good, but it’s not even bright in here. It’s very cloudy outside,” she replies knowingly, gesturing to the window. They’re supposed to treat every patient the same, which Louis does, but internally, you can’t prevent yourself from having favourites. Tallulah definitely is one of his. “Well, maybe we’ll manage to get some of the rare sunlight in here if we’re drawing the curtains open completely. What do you say?”“Louis!” Tallulah beams, only now noticing his presence. His smile deepens as he steps to the window and pulls the curtains aside so that they no longer cover it at all. He would be lying if he said it didn't fill him with satisfaction that Tallulah obviously likes him. It's silly, he really doesn't need to prove himself to Harry - but it still doesn't hurt. “Look Louis! I put the sticker you gave me on the back of my photo!”She reaches for the side table next to her bed and wildly waves the photo around. It shows her family - her two mothers, both of whom Louis had already met, and her younger brother, perhaps three years younger than her, still a toddler. Tallulah turns the photo over to proudly display the Hello Kitty sticker on the back. “See!”“You've chosen a good place for it. Now there's someone watching over you from both sides of the photo, no matter how you place it!”Louis loves giving out stickers to children, remembering how much he enjoyed receiving and collecting stickers when he was young himself. The most popular ones are the Hello Kitty nurse stickers, but he also has Cars and Paw Patrol ones. They’re cute, and bring colour and familiarity to the children’s rooms. “I'll bring you another one when I come by later. I have different motifs, so you can choose one,” Louis promises. “Can I maybe have two? Mummy and Dylan are visiting later and he saw my sticker last time and I think he wants one too.”Louis’ heart melts a little. “Of course. It's very nice of you to think of your brother.”Tallulah shoots them a toothy smile. “I try to be a good sister!”"I have the feeling that you are. You can be proud of that," Harry takes over again. It’s even more important with children than with adults to break the ice and establish a basis of trust, otherwise they shut you out immediately and turn their hospital stay into a bad time for everyone involved. “Now, you’ve already recognised Louis, do you remember me too?”“Yes, you’re Doctor Style. You were here yesterday.”He tilts his head with a chuckle. “Close, my name is Styles, but you're right, I was here yesterday. As you already know, someone always comes by in the morning to see how you're feeling. Sometimes I’ll be there now.” Harry pauses for a second to give the patient time to ask away if she have any questions. Tallulah simply nods and eyes him curiously though. “So, how are you doing today?”Tallulah explains how she is feeling, that she is less sick now and only has pain in her leg sometimes, and that she is looking forward to being able to jump on her trampoline again. Her leg is still stabilised and in a cast after the second operation following a traffic accident, but the operations went well and promise a positive prognosis. Harry reviews her medication charting and updates Louis on the small adjustments. Once all the medical duties are done, Harry announces that he will stop by again when Tallulah's mother visits to talk about the discharge date, which puts an ever wider grin on the girl’s face. “Is there anything else you’d like to ask or say? Otherwise, we’ll be letting you continue watching your series now.”“Yes I want to say something,” Tallulah declares, her voice more uncertain than cheeky now. “Of course, what is it?”“I want to say that your hair clip is very pretty, Doctor Styles.”Louis’ eyes shoot up to Harry’s curls that are held back by a pink hair clip. Despite the familiarity of Harry's posture, his facial features and way of talking, the hair style is indeed new. During the year they worked together at Silver Street, Harry wore his hair at what Louis liked to call prince length. Long curls down to his chin. At university Harry had kept his hair much longer, past his shoulders, but Louis had only seen pictures of that. Now, however, Prince Hair Harry is history, and it’s no wonder that Tallulah has noticed the hair clip. Due to the vibrant colour it’s a sharp contrast to Harry's brown hair and blue clothes. “Oh, thank you!”Harry reaches confidently into his hair and opens the clip so that the strands that had been held back before fall to the side, a few landing in his forehead. They barely reach his cheek bones, and Louis has to look away because it looks so… attractive, and he can’t afford to have such thoughts in patients' rooms, or anywhere else. “If you look closely, it even glitters a little, see?”He moves up to Tallulah's bed and presents it to her, she leans forward a little to get a good look at the hair clip and then nods excitedly.“It does! I have a hair clippy like that too, at home. But it’s purple. My mummy gave it to me.”Pinning back his hair again with skilled fingers, Harry grins. “I’m sure it’s very pretty. Just a few more days and you'll be back home.”Tallulah goes on about how excited she is to finally go home, to her collection of teddy bears and the other hair accesscoires she’d nicked off her mothers. It’s adorable, and a positive development considering Tallulah’s condition just three days ago, but somehow it rubs Louis the wrong way that Harry and his hair clip are stealing the show from him and the stickers. Tallulah is his favourite patient and he is her favourite nurse. In light of the fact that Harry has to see more patients in this ward, they both say goodbye to Tallulah, but Louis will be checking in on her at regular intervals anyway. As Louis closes the door behind himself, he hears Tallulah start her show again and he takes a deep breath in and out. Harry is standing by the trolley, typing away on the computer, looking at the file of the new patient he hasn't met yet. “Quinn O’Sullivan, seven years old, admitted after a first seizure yesterday, suspected epilepsy, continuous EEG in progress,” Louis mumbles in a quiet voice. Harry clicks around in the file a bit, opens previous patient records, the nursing report of the night. Louis peers down the hall, greets Pauli, an always cheerful OT, and waits until Harry decides he is well enough informed. When he nods, Louis knocks on Quinn's door and opens it wide enough for the trolley to fit right past him. Quinn's room is one where parents can stay over, and her father does, Louis had seen him in the corridor this morning with a coffee in his hand, but the young girl is alone right now. The TV in Quinn's room is on, some animation series Louis doesn't recognise, and the patient looks less than enthusiastic when she sees the medical staff. Her ash blonde hair peeks out from under the EEG cap. “Good morning, Quinn. My name is Doctor Styles, and you already know nurse Louis.” Harry continues when Quinn doesn’t answer, just stares at them. “How are you this morning?”The girl shrugs her shoulders. “How did you sleep last night?” Harry licks his lips when the answer is a simple shrug again. She has a hard shell to crack. Louis hadn’t been successful to involve her in a proper conversation when he checked on her at the start of his shift either. “I know it can all be scary here, but I promise you we only want to help you. So it would be good if you could tell us a little bit about how you're feeling. Are you in pain anywhere? For example, a headache?”Harry's soft, gentle voice finally manages to elicit a brief shake of the head from Quinn. The paediatrician has always been good with reserved, frightened children, but he seems to have become even more confident at it. So the training at GOSH had probably done some good. “I saw your daddy here this morning, when you were playing your game. Can you tell us where he is right now?” Louis speaks up when Harry types a short sentence into the doctor’s round documentation field. “Outside,” Quinn’s quiet voice pipes up, but her eyes are focused on the muted TV on the wall. Neither the clinical impression, nor her vital signs, nor her own statements are alarming right now, and Louis will try to get something more out of her when her father is back, but for now they will have to be content with the results. Sometimes it's frustrating to work with children, but Louis always reminds himself that they're not doing it to make his life difficult, but because the situation is often very overwhelming, especially when there's no familiar face in the room. Harry and Louis say goodbye and make their way to the next room, but the following visit of the third patient isn’t much a success either, at least for Louis. They get all the information they need from Imani, especially because his mother is present and provides the answers that her son refuses or cannot give. With his afro, Imani is the spitting image of her, looking like a mini version of her. Though while Imani is polite to Harry, he expresses his dislike for Louis very openly.“Why are you here too? You hurted me.” His gaze hastily flicks from Harry to Imani's mother. “He pulled his IV yesterday and I had to put in a new one,” he clarifies before any wrong ideas come up. “It hurted a lot,” Imani sniffs and turns away from Louis to his mother, but not without once again giving him the grimmest expression he can manage. It sometimes happens that children are afraid of nurses because unpleasant tasks like IV placement are part of the job and children are obviously going to hate needles no matter how well you distract them. Their first experiences with nurses and hospitals set little patients up for life, so Louis gives his best to make it the least traumatic it can be, but even he can’t magially let the uncomfortable sensation of getting an IV disappear. So yeah, Louis isn’t feeling any less frustrated when he exits Imani’s room. “Last one of my patients,” Louis grumbles as they move towards Bency’s and Lavanya’s room. “Bency Patel, six years old, was brought in by her brother yesterday evening due to severe respiratory problems. He stated that there’s been a mould problem in the flat for some time.”Again Harry clicks through the file before entering the two patients' room. Lavanya has headphones in and seems to be watching Youtube videos on her phone. She greets Harry and Louis with a quick nod and a slight smile and leaves it at that as the two of them walk purposefully towards Bency first. The young girl has light brown, straight hair and wears a shirt that has several holes at the seams and a pen mark on the sleeve. What Louis had read from the doctor in charge who was on duty when Bency came to the hospital yesterday sounds really worrying. Just not acute enough to transfer her to the paediatric intensive care unit or to a specialised hospital. She seems to have a severe allergy to the mould that she must have been exposed to for a long time. Her breathing sounds labored, wheezing despite the supplemental oxygen she gets through the small clear tubes leading to her nose. “Good morning, Bency. My name is Doctor Styles. We’re here to check how you’re doing today?”Bency makes an effort to smile, but her eyes look tired. “I’m okay.” As soon as the words leave her mouth, she starts coughing. Her slim body almost convulses with the vehemence of coughing and Louis sees Lavanya look up from her phone and give the younger girl a pitying look. “I have a bad cough and I'm tired, but my brother said I'll be fine.”“How long have you had this cough?” Harry asks. “A couple months.”“And your parents never took you to the doctor?” Bency shakes her head. “I don’t have a dad. And mum said it would go away on its own. She says it's just hay fever, she has that too.”Harry sends Louis a look that speaks volumes without revealing too much in front of the children. It does no one any good if Harry openly shows how distressing he finds this. Spread hope instead of fear. They go through a few more standard anamnesis questions that hadn’t been covered, and Bency answers them the best she can, though a third-party anamnesis is going to be useful for some of the questions. Hopefully they’ll get to talk to her mother or brother soon. “You’re leaving already?” Her eyes are big as she watches Louis push the trolley towards Lavanya’s side of the room. “Doctor Styles is still doing his round with Lavanya. I’ll come back regularly, and if you need anything, you know you can press this button,” he walks to Bency's bedside and puts the remote control with the red button even closer to her hand. “Thank you. You’re nice. I like it here,” she smiles again, showing her adorable crooked front teeth. Louis mirrors her smile, then catches Harry’s eyes and nods his head towards the door to signal him that he’ll be leaving and sending Zayn in. Harry blinks in understanding. The nurse leaves the two girls' room with a queasy feeling, although he should be relieved that he got through the dreaded round with Harry without any further complications. Sure, the first three cases were varying levels of frustrating, but somehow still easier to get out of his head than Bency. The girl is still too young to understand how precarious health conditions due to mould problems are, how badly something like that can go, and that the reason behind her cough is definitely not hay fever. Especially not in the past winter months. Sometimes Louis has to take a step back in order not to judge guardians too hastily without knowing the full story, but he has experienced some deeply shocking fates in his ward. Children who do not deserve the suffering they experience at home, but for whom it is completely normal because that is how they grew up. Louis shakes his head to get these thoughts out of his head. He will wait and see what is said at the team meeting, maybe the social workers will have some reassuring information.  By the time Louis enters the cafeteria for lunch, his shift already feels like three and a half days have passed. It was an incredibly busy morning that involved more puking, more complaints about Azoff from Zayn and more of dodging Harry like a bullet, all of which is exhausting to deal with. The lasagne looks as bleak as it always does, and unfortunately Louis has experience with this as the cycle in which dishes are repeated is very short. He grabs a soda, pays and, tray in hand, heads unerringly towards their standard table where Zayn and Liam are already waiting. “Hey Lou,” Liam attempts a closed-lip smile while chewing. “Hi.” His voice must give his mood away because Liam swallows and puts his cutlery down. “Man, you too? What’s got all of you in a mood?”Louis sighs as he scrutinises the food on his plate. “’S just been a busy day. And we’re understaffed again, Krystle’s sick.”“I’m sorry, that sucks. But I feel you, I also have to go down to the geriatric ward today because a colleague there is out for at least two weeks.”“They should just give us intravenous caffeine for pay. Azoff would certainly like it if we worked two days in a row,” Zayn finally joins the conversation. Louis swings his fork in his direction. “Speaking of, did you talk to him again?”“Nah. He was was busy boasting to the new doc about how great he is at running the paed ward.”“And he doesn't even have to, Styles has worked here before, right?” Liam takes a bite and Louis hears the chewing of the three men mixed with the everyday sounds of the caferia. The psychologists and social workers at the two tables next to him mumble things Louis can't understand. Liam’ eyes wander between Louis and Zayn and he speaks in a lower voice so as not to be overheard by the neighbouring tables. “What do you think about him?”Great. Louis is so excited to have this conversation with his friends. What makes matters worse is that Zayn is glancing at him rather than answering himself, which of course is not at all conspicuous. Liam follows Zayn's line of sight and his brow furrows when still no one has responded after a few seconds. “What? What’s going on? Have I missed something?”“No, no,” Zayn says and breaks his piercing gaze a tad too late, but then turns to the physiotherapist with a completely innocent look. “I think he’s nice. Good with the kids when I did doctor’s round with him. Right Lou?”“Yeah, yeah.”Liam doesn’t look like he’s buying Louis’ very convincing and elaborate opinion on Harry. “Okay honestly, what do you know that I don't know?”“Yeah Zayn, what do you know?” Louis mumbles, an eyebrow raised. He’s never told Zayn explicitly what happened before his colleague worked here, but he must’ve picked up something along the lines. Enough to trace that back to Harry though? He doesn’t think so. Unless he’s talked to someone who's worked here at the time, but Zayn and Eleanor don’t interact much past small talk. Or maybe Niall has caught rumours somewhere and spread them. “That makes it sound like I know some super dark secrets now, but nah.” Zayn shrugs. “I just have a feeling that Louis has more to say about Doc Styles than I do.”“Do you?” Liam faces him again, but Louis is busy staring at the other nurse. “A feeling, Z?”“Yup.”Liam groans unnerved, putting down his fork and knife. “Can you please tell me what’s going on? I feel like you're talking in a secret language.”Well, moment of truth then. Louis sighs, making sure to not lift his gaze from his half-eaten lunch. “I don't know where Zayn heard it because he wasn't working here then and I'm not really broadcasting it now, but he's right. I know Harry from before.”“Okay, and?”Yeah, and? What are the right words to tell you friends that you’ve been Harry Styles’ colleague, best friend, almost companion before and that your ridiculously intense crush on him is the reason you haven’t even kissed another guy since he left years ago because he broke your heart and took it with him? “There’s more to it,” Zayn deadpans. “Honestly, how do you know?”“The reaction after the team meeting to introduce him.”Louis sighs again. “Was I that obvious?”“Oh yes, absolutely. Niall said you stopped breathing when he introduced himself, and you stormed out the second he was done.” Of course Niall and Zayn have talked about it already. “But,” Zayn continues, “but also the way he reacted gave you away.”“Hm?”“He kept staring after you as you stormed out. And that look was not of someone who is offended by an unknown nurse leaving the conference room in a panic. The way he looked at you, he knew exactly why you were reacting like that. So you must have known each other from before.”Louis nods curtly to confirm what his friend said. “So what? Do you hate him or something? Was he a dick back then?” Liam asks, looking back and forth between the two nurses. Zayn’s mouth twists amusedly and he is back at his intense staring into Louis’ soul. “I’d guess the exact opposite.”Well, fucking good guess Zayn. “When I started working here you said that the don't fuck the company-rule doesn't really apply here, but that you’d advise me to be careful with it. Because you had a bad experience with it, I guess? Also.. Caroline hinted at something once, but I didn't press it because you never talk about… well, anything of that sort.”“You fucked the new paed??” Liam bursts out way too loudly. Louis side-eyes the psychs and social workers. “Shh, stop screaming or people will get the wrong idea.” Zayn scoops up the remaining sauce on his plate and licks it off his fork. “Would it be the wrong idea though?”Taking a deep breath in and out, Louis closes his eyes in order to structure his thoughts. “I wasn’t exactly… fucking him, if you must know. But we were… there was… something.”“Something,” Liam repeats. “Yes, something.”“Define something.”“I can’t.”Liam shoots him a funny look. “You can’t define what happened between you and Doctor Styles?”“I mean, I can obviously recall what happened with Harry, but we didn’t… have a label or anything.”“We don’t need a label, you can just describe it. If you want to, of course,” Liam adds hastily. “I… don’t know.”Zayn watches him struggle to find his words with a look that’s almost ... pitying. “You don’t need to if it makes you uncomfortable, Lou. We don’t want to open up old wounds.”It’d be nice if there was anything to re-open. It’s not like the gaping wounds Harry left ever got close to healing, but Louis doesn’t say that. The thought is already pathetic enough as it is, he doesn’t need to share it with Liam and Zayn. “Harry started working here when he was in Level 2 training - as he said when he introduced himself. I guess we clicked straight away. At that time, not many people our age were working in the paed ward, especially the doctors were older, so we both made sure to see each other a lot. At lunch and so on, but at some point we started to do stuff outside the hospital as well.”In a weird way, it feels relieving to talk about it so openly. Oli knows everything, obviously, and his sisters do too, but no one at the hospital knows about them, apart from what was visible. “We were definitely more than friends, at least in my perception, but when I thought it was going going in the direction of being.... well, more than friends, with a label and shit, he just.... left. For London. You know the rest.”Liam and Zayn remain silent, taking it in, but now that Louis’ opened the bottle, everything spurts out with pressure. “He didn’t tell me he’d be leaving. Well, he did, like a week before he moved to London. But he must’ve applied before, even though he repeatedly told me he wanted to stay at Silver Street. So in reality, he was planning to fuck off the entire time while I was imagining what it would be like to be… with him.”His friends look like they are about to shush and comfort him and offer him his favourite sweets, but pity is not what Louis needs. Well, not exlusively. He doesn’t know what exactly he needs, but an explanation and apology from Harry would be a good start. Not right now though. Maybe lunch wasn’t the best setting to talk about his failed past… situationship. “He told you a week before he left? That’s such a dick move, even if he thought you were just friends,” Liam comments.“Well, maybe it was like ten days. But not enough time to mentally prepare myself. And we kind of… stopped talking after he told me, which I guess is mostly my fault, but I was shocked.”“Understandable.”“So yeah… I didn’t exactly expect him to show up here again.”Zayn leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “Did you ever kiss?”Louis snorts a little. Of course Zayn would want some dirty details. “I mean, yeah. At first only rarely, like when we were in the pub and had drunk a little too much. At some point also when we worked too long night shifts and were overtired. Never really in broad daylight and with a clear mind, but it happened too often to just sweep it under the table. Or, well, at least that's what I thought.”Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Zayn nods. He’s got his pondering face on, but Liam beats him to it. “Do you think anything will happen between you? I mean, given the history, it doesn’t seem unlikely.”“I…don’t know. I don’t even know if he’s single. He could be married with two children for all I know. And I don’t know if I’d… want anything to happen.” That’s somewhere between the truth and a lie, if he’s honest with himself. “Did he try to talk to you?”“Not apart from work related stuff, no. But it’s only a matter of time. He’s got that look.”Liam squints with one eye while Zayn smirks. “That look?”“Uh.. yeah.” Louis shrugs. “But like I said, I better prepare myself for the attack. Harry doesn’t like to fight or leave things unresolved, and the nurses’ station isn’t exactly the best place to hide from anyone.”The cafeteria isn’t either, but as long as Louis is around other people, especially colleagues who are obviously his friends, he’s probably safe from Harry. He can’t even spot him between the other doctors that are currently on lunch break. “Gosh, that was the most interesting lunch break in a long time,” Liam concludes the conversation with a glance at the watch hanging on his shirt pocket after a minute of silence. He pushes himself up from the chair and picks up his tray as something else seems to pop into his head. “If you ever want to talk or anything, we're here for you, yeah?”Zayn nods sideways towards him. “What he said.”Attempting a small smile, Louis gets up as well. “Thanks, guys.”Well, back into hell, aka the second floor at Silver Street hospital, then.  A few days later, Louis takes over a night shift for Zayn because his daughter is ill. He practically forces it on his friend, because while a sick child at home is problematic, an already criminally understaffed paediatric nurses' station is bordering on critical, and he knows how difficult it is to find a spontaneous substitute. Zayn probably would have worked anyway, but it's not like Louis has a child or anyone at home to look after. Oli will be fine, he can operate the microwave all by himself. Knowing Zayn, it's just a swap and Zayn will take over one of Louis' shifts as soon as possible. It’s mostly a quiet night. The younger patients thankfully fall asleep within two hours of Louis’ shift, and the older ones are distracting themselves with their phones or telly. There are no overly annoying parents staying with their kids at the moment, which is also a big plus. More night shifts should be like this. Louis is on his way to bring Lavanya some tea as she has a dry mouth due to the medication, when a door on the left opens surprisingly, and suddenly someone is standing next to him in the hallway. He swerves around the body to avoid spilling or dropping the tea. “Oops.”“Hi,” he hears Harry’s voice, and for a second, his eyes close involuntarily. “Uhm. Hi.”“What are you doing here? I thought you’re not working tonight.”Louis knows it's not meant offensively, but still he snorts. “What are you doing here? They already making you work the shitty shifts?”Also what are you doing here in this city, in this hospital, in this ward again? he wants to add, though what for? Harry’s nose crinkles. “They’re not making me. I mean, of course I have to do on-call shifts, but I don’t mind being in-house overnight.” Harry buries his hands in the pockets of his shirt. He’s not wearing his doctor’s coat, so his bare arms are on display. The hospital air is never cold, but Louis prefers to wear a hoodie over his scrubs at night, also because the work pace is slower and he gets cold easier when there are more opportunities to sit down. Looking at the tattooed skin of Harry’s arms right now has Louis shiver for more than one reason. “So what about you? Why are you working when you weren’t on the schedule?”“Zayn was supposed to work but his daughter is sick so I offered to swap,” Louis replies. “Why do you know the nurse workplan though?”The paediatrician is good at acting, but the second Harry averts his eyes betrays him. So this entire situation is having some effect on him as well. Good. It’s only fair that their past history doesn’t only haunt Louis. “Just stumbled across it.”Louis hums. For a moment they stand there side by side in the corridor, in the otherwise almost conspicuously quiet ward, without the nurse who must have called Harry to help. It was probably Krystle, she’s the one responsible tonight for the room Harry exited. “Well, I gotta get this to Lavanya before it gets cold,” Louis raises the cup in his hand. He’s walking again before Harry has the chance to keep him from it. There better not be an emergencies tonight that require him to phone Harry. Seeing him once during a shift that was going well before is enough. Especially with those tattoos staring right back at him. Curse Louis’ attraction to the ink on Harry’s skin, and the muscles beneath it. Just curse the entire man too, actually. Like Louis had predicted during his lunch with Liam and Zayn, it’s only a matter of time until Harry tracks him down, and the shared night shift is giving him the perfect opportunity. Not even half an hour after their encounter in their hallway, Harry approaches the nurses’ station and knocks on the door frame, this time not entering before receiving the okay. “Hey,” he mutters, and his voice is softer than before. Louis suppresses a sigh where he’s sitting on his usual chair, just finished with documenting his last care round. “Hi, Harry.”The other man’s gaze roams through the nurses' station as if he were briefly registering all the details. Maybe he compares how much has changed compared to back then. Finally, his eyes land back on Louis. “Can we maybe.. talk?”This time, he does sigh, and it’s justified in Louis’ opinion. “Not here.”He pushes himself up from the chair and walks past Harry, not bothering to turn around to check if he’s following because he can feel the presence of the other man behind him. The meds room is empty like he’d exepcted. He holds the door open with one arm and gestures for Harry to step in.The door makes a slight noise as it falls into the lock behind Louis, apart from that it’s quiet in the room. “So?” Louis leans back against a cupboard, arms crossed and eyebrows raised expectantly. The room isn’t large, but Harry stands a little lost in the middle, despite his taller frame. His arms hang at his sides and Louis is trying hard not to be tempted by the tattoos again. “You wanted to talk?” Louis adds when Harry still makes no effort to start a conversation. “Uh, yeah. How… how have you been?”Letting out a humourless laugh, Louis turns his head to the right. Good tactic to avoid staring at Harry all too obsessively. “How have I been? That’s what you want to talk about?”Harry simply nods. “After you left, you mean?”“Uh. Yeah.”“Good. I’ve been.. good, mostly.” It’s not a complete lie, but also definitely not the truth. Of course he’s had good moments, with his sister and her new baby, with Niall and Zayn and Krystle at work once they joined the paed team, with Oli and the lads. It's not as if Louis has been depressed for two years, but the veil of Harry's absence had been with him the whole time. Admitting that now, however, is not an option. Harry nods, a little too much to fit Louis’ empty answer. “Good, that’s… good.” He licks his lips and his dimples become visible when he keeps them pressed together for a moment. “What have you been up to since…” He doesn’t finish the sentence. “Working, mostly.”His answer sounds pathetic even to Louis' ears. He’d rather report all the exciting things he has done in spite of Harry's time away, out of a ridiculous need to prove to the other man that his life had fulfilling content even without him, but apart from “playing a bit of footie with the boys” he can't think of anything to mention off the top of his head. Not even the holiday in Mexico which Louis had dreamed of since before his friendship with Harry had taken place. “I remember that you were toying with the idea of going back to uni. What... what happened to that?”Yeah, Harry, brilliant question. What happened to that? Having to admit that Louis didn’t even go through with that is probably the most devastating punch in the gut, standing in front of the man who’d just received his CCT. “I didn’t,” he deadpans without further explanation. Harry nods again, only once this time though. “Any particular reason why?”“No. And if there was, I don't know if you'd be in a position to ask about it.”“I guess that’s f-” Harry is interrupted by the door being thrown open forcefully, startling both of them, “-air.”Krystle comes in and her head wanders between Louis and Harry as she takes in the situation with wide eyes. They probably both look like deer caught in headlights, or teenagers caught making out. Which obviously they weren’t, but Krystle has been nagging Louis about a certain green-eyed doctor for a few days, so it might take some time to convince her of the opposite. “Uhm.. sorry for interrupting?” She’s very obviously trying to hold back a smirk, but the amused glint in her eyes gives her away when she searches Louis’ eyes. “No harm done,” the nurse doesn’t react to her raised eyebrow. “What do you need?”“Pain meds. Shoo, move your arse.”Pain medication is kept in the cupboard Louis was leaning against, so he moves away from it and Krystle's shooing hand gestures, stepping inevitably closer to Harry. Harry just watches the interaction of the two nurses, eyes fixed on Louis while Krystle picks out the medicine and then closes the cabinet noisily. She turns to Harry. “Is Jasper all right now?”“Yes, he was almost asleep when I left.” He shoots her a professional, closed-lip smile which she answers with a curt nod. Gazing in Louis’ direction one last time, she opens the door and exits without any further comments. It takes Louis a few seconds to realise that he can now return to his previous position at the cupboard, and when this information has been processed by his brain he takes a jerky step backwards, as if he had gotten an electric shock in Harry's vicinity. Louis chews on the rough scraps of his lower lip while he waits for Harry to start talking again. Sometimes it's hard for him to stand silence, but he won’t make the first move again. Maybe he should set himself a mental countdown of how long he’ll wait here in the meds room before he returns to the nurses’ station and banishes the doctor from it. “Everything is very different here,” Harry says after a couple seconds. “Much… smaller. In a way, working at GOSH is like living in London, if that makes sense. Everything is bigger, less familiar - even though the team was fantastic-, but there are so many opportunities…”The nurse shakes his head before he realises it. “I don’t want to hear it, Harry. I don’t want to hear anything about it at all.”The words sound harsh, and they seem to reach Harry in that manner as well. He swallows loud enough for Louis to hear, although he has reestablished his previous distance from the paediatrician. “Okay.” His eyes flicker through the room. “What… what about the dog you wanted to get?”The thematic leap is big and it strikes Louis a bit as if Harry is clinging to every possible opportunity to keep this conversation going. Questions about oneself are more likely to be answered than comments about one's own terrific experiences. However, Harry is also shovelling himself deeper into the pit with this, because while he has achieved everything that was on the career to-do list, Louis is still standing exactly where Harry left him two years ago. “Didn’t get around to that either.”“Is that still the plan then? You would definitely be-”A loud, familiar jingle sounds and while Harry looks alarmed for a moment, Louis' hand automatically goes to his pocket and he pulls out the phone. One of the newly hired nurses is calling. He presses the green accept button and hangs up within ten seconds with the promise to join Rose right away. Louis shrugs in the direction of the door. “I've got to go, help start a new IV.”“Alright. Let’s.. can we talk again sometime?”Louis should shout No! out loud and leave Harry behind, but just the brief, unavoidable contacts with him over the past few weeks are enough to make him vulnerable again. He’s got to be careful or he’ll be fully hooked on Harry’s attention and friendship again. Still, his mouth replies something else entirely. “Yeah.” The sky looks threateningly dark grey as Louis lights his post-shift cigarette, one hand held around the lighter as a windbreak. He needs several attempts before the cigarette is finally lit, which is also due to the fact that the lighter is almost empty and the flame rather puny.At least he doesn't have to worry about parents taking their children out for fresh air in front of the hospital entrance in this weather, or time. It's not like Louis doesn't know that smoking is shit for his health, and he's the last one to smoke in front of the kids. If his patients or their siblings are around outside, he hides the cigarette behind his back until they’re out of sight. He doesn't bother hiding with his beloved colleagues though, which of course Niall is quick to comment on. “Stop smoking, you idiot.”Louis turns to his left to find Niall approaching him, Zayn behind him. The three were on the day shift today, and it had been a good one. Nothing out of the ordinary, no puking, even the cafeteria food had been somewhat tasty. “Remind me, who did I catch vaping outside the bar a couple weeks ago?”“That was once!” Niall smacks the back of Louis’ head lightly. “A slip in a weak moment, nothing more. This though,” he motions to the half-smoked cigarette between Louis’ fingers, “is at least your third today, am I right?”Not replying to that even though Niall is indeed correct, Louis nods towards the third man. “Zayn needs to stop first.”“I have. Only do weed now.” Zayn shrugs. “See, at least I haven’t smoked weed in ages. Be proud of me, Horan.”Niall grins, burying his hands in his pockets as a gush of wind ruffles through their hair. “You also haven’t seen the gym from the inside in this decade.”“What does one have to do with the other? Not everyone enjoys being a protein drink addict like you.”“I thought you wanted to argue how healthy of a life you’re leading?”“I don’t need to justify myself!” Louis huffs, exaggeratedly outraged but mirroring the grin on Niall’s face. “I had the veggie curry for lunch while you only had noodles! Who’s talking about healthy now, eh?”“Have fun fighting, but I’ve got to go home now. See you tomorrw, losers.” Zayn interrupts out of the blue. He briefly raises his hand when Louis and Niall mutter their byes, then they watch him trot off towards the car park. As Zayn closes the car door behind him and the lights of his cars come on, Niall speaks up without the two men taking their eyes off Zayn's black jalopy. They had often asked him why, with his artistic talent, he didn't tackle this tragedy and embellish it, but he said each time it wasn't worth it. “I sometimes worry if Zayn is happy here.”Louis double taps his cigarette to get rid of some ash, lifts his hand up to his mouth again and takes a deep drag. “Who is really happy here though? I think, no matter how many children you help in a shift, you always exit the hospital not fully happy.”At this, Niall turns his head towards him. Zayn’s car disappears behind Azoff’s unnecessarily big SUV before their colleague makes his way onto Silver Street and out of Louis’ sight. “Mh… no I don’t feel that way,” Niall disagrees after thinking for a moment. “Jasper named his teddy bear after me today. I think that’s going to stick with me.”“You’re different. You fit right in because at heart, you’re still a kid as well.”Niall laughs. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.”“It is.” Louis walks a few steps to the dustbin to tap his cigarette over the ashtray above it, then returns to stand next to Niall. He’s still smiling at his friend, but in a more serious way. “I don’t think I’ve told you explicitly before, but you’re amazing at your job. You’re incredibly good at distracting the kids and making them smile, you’re always coming up with new ideas for that.”“Thank you, Lou.” Niall looks genuinely touched, and Louis is glad he finally told him despite the subliminal jealousy gnawing at him from time to time. They could all use a little more encouragement. “Just for the record, I think you’re an amazing nurse as well.”“This wasn’t fishing for compliments, so stop buttering me up, Horan.“I wasn’t.” Niall pulls his phone from his jeans back pocket and wakes up the screen to check the time. “I’m just saying, everyone working in paeds has to keep their inner child humour, don’t they? I think you have. You connect with the kids so quickly, not everyone has that gift.”Louis shrugs, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel very warm inside to get some compliments in return. “I bribe them with stickers, always a safe bet.”Niall is looking down on his phone and typing in the password to check some messages, probably from his girlfriend, while he chuckles. “I see how it is. Maybe I’ll steal some of them.”“I’ll hide them first thing in the morning then,” Louis threatens with a grin. He nods towards the car park. “You off?”“Yeah, I should get going. Amelia’s sister is joining us for dinner.”“Ahh, domestic bliss,” Louis teases, watching the smoke he’s slowly exhaling.Niall flips him the finger and lets his phone slide into his jacket’s pocket. “It’s not my fault Oli doesn’t cook for you.” “Thank god he doesn’t, I don’t know if our insurance covers a kitchen fire.”“I’m honestly surprised neither of you have found out by accident so far.”“Fuck off. Didn’t you want to get going? Better not keep your chica and the in-law waiting.”Cold wind blows over them both and a single raindrop lands on Louis' nose. He should probably follow his own advice and get on his own way, but a minute of peace with his cigarette when Niall is gone sounds very tempting. Oli has announced he'll be out tonight anyway. A new Tinder date or something. “I’m off, I’m off. See you tomorrw, Lou.”Louis pulls a face when the other nurse nudges his shoulder to say goodbye. “Yeah, unfortunately.”“And stop smoking, you idiot,” Niall turns around to repeat when he’s a couple feet away. He doesn’t see the middle finger Louis holds up. The entire way home Louis thinks about Niall and their conversation. About his friend complimenting Louis’ skill to joke around with patients quickly, but also about what he said about needing to keep child humour to work in paeds, which obviously doesn’t only apply to nurses but to doctors and other professions as well. Harry is, and has always been, talented at making kids laugh. His puns are terrible but they do the job. Just today, he’d cracked Imani’s grumpy shell and made the boy giggle so much Louis had to change his shirt because he’d spat out his apple juice while laughing. And with Harry in particular, you notice that it's not a put-on face, that he's not slipping into the role of "Doctor Styles, the funny doctor", but that he's truly like that. He laughs at his own bad jokes, and regrettably, Louis does too, even though he doesn't want to. He’d love to be immune to Harry and his charm, but the man is on his best way to make sure Louis is well and thoroughly infected with it instead.  The next Monday morning comes with an MDT - multidisciplinary team- meeting, and the first one both Harry and Louis are joining at the same time. The room is slowly but steadily filling, employees from all professions strolling through the door and taking their usual places. Last of all, Mitch Rowland, consultant on the paed ward, enters and closes the door behind him. He’s a little grouchy on the outside, mostly reserved and focused on his job, but once you see him with his wife Sarah and their son, you know he’s a good one at heart. Louis deliberately avoids Harry when he lets his gaze wander around. Liam's sitting next to him, his notes neatly written in a small notebook as usual, while Louis digs his crumpled single piece of paper out of his pocket. He makes do with it, knows most of the information about his patients by heart anyway, but still admires the organisational skills of some of his colleagues. Ny, a young social worker with a funky hairstyle, also balances an entire, well filled folder on her crossed legs. The room is colder than Louis expected and he interally curses himself for not bringing a jacket. No one else seems to mind, they all either watch Harry start the projection of the screen onto the wall and navigate to the patient data, or boredly flick through the materials on their laps. MDT meetings are a longstanding routine for Louis. In the beginning, when he was still fresh at Silver Street Hospital, it was exciting to hear different perspectives from other professions, to learn what OTs and physios and other therapists do with the patients in their therapies, what social workers take care of, what assessments doctors give about the state of health beyond what Louis can see in the doctors' records. Today, he is more or less familiar with all this, and the weekly meetings are more of a thankful diversion. Of course Louis enjoys patient work, otherwise he would be wrong in his job, but sometimes it is also nice to talk to adults who are not his own nurse colleagues or demanding parents of his patients. Louis follows the proceedings with as much attention as needed and provides appropriate input where asked. “Why are there no treatment goals documented here, Louis?”Doctor Rowland’s voice is clear and slightly reproachful as all MDT participants look at the empty box on the screen that is supposed to hold information filled in by the nursing staff. “I’m sorry, there must have been a mistake with saving,” Louis scrambles to say and feverishly ponders what he could possibly report. “Doctor Styles will do the typing now for once then.” He shoots Louis an expected glance. “So?”Louis hectically unfolds his piece of paper and scans over it before he discovers the patient’s name, only to find that the very sparse notes don’t help him at all.  “Uhm…” He turns the page around, but it does nothing except for prolong his suffering. The elderly nutritionist, who always wears the same three cardigans in rotation no matter the season, makes a scowling noise that thankfully reminds Louis that all the attention in the room is on him right now. Not that he would normally shy away from it. But having to admit to a superior that you have very little to say about a patient isn’t exactly ideal.“Come on, say something, we have more patients to discuss.”“Unfortunately I don't know much about Ricardo López, a colleague was assigned to him. I don’t know why part of the documentation on him is missing,” he confesses through gritted teeth. Either Zayn and one of their older colleagues was responsible for him since the patient arrived two days ago, but Louis isn’t about to snitch on them for one little mistake that can be fixed. “Well, then,” Doctor Rowland sighs, and Louis lowers his eyes to his sorrowful notes to not see the expression on his face, or Harry's right next to it. “Then we just write down the common things for his age. Getting dressed independently…” he rattles off a few key points that Harry eagerly types along. When Rowland is finished, he gives Louis a stern look. “Please make sure that the colleague in charge updates the information and that the completeness of the documentation is checked again by the nursing staff in time for the meeting so something like this doesn’t happen again in the future.”It’s one of the most important rules: document everything. If it’s not documented, it didn’t happen. And in the worst case that can get Louis and everyone responsible at the hospital in trouble and cost them a lot of money. Louis nods. “Of course.”He is lucky that the attending doctor present today is Mitch and not Azoff, but it is still unpleasant to be exposed in front of the other staff. And Harry, of course. For some stupid reason, Louis is even more sour about the situation because the only time something like this has happened in his entire time at Silver Street - and not even out of his own fault!- is in Harry's attendance. He has nothing to prove to the other man, but still. “Here, this is a proper documentation. Completely filled out, separated from each other with bullet points. That's the way we want it,” Rowland praises Liam’s entry on Ricardo López. Of course, Liam's entries in the patient files are as structured as anything in his notebook, and Louis wholeheartedly grants his friend the praise, but it is an additional stab in his direction and highlights the discrepancy in performance between him and the physiotherapist. Lost in thought, Louis' eyes travel around the room. He’s chewing on the inside of his lip while Elin goes on about her therapy sucesses with the next patient when something catches Louis’ attention. He snaps out of thoughts when he realises what exactly has made his eyes stop roaming around: It’s Harry’s gaze on him, and the small smile the other man is shooting him. Looking away from his lips, Louis meets his eyes, and Harry blinks. It looks like it’s meant to be encouraging, especially after the criticism Louis faced earlier, but it drives Louis fucking mad. He doesn’t want Harry’s pity. He wants no one’s pity, he just wants his damn peace. He averts his gaze without responding in any way. One of the last patients they discuss before Harry leaves and is replaced by Doctor Sarah Jones is Bency Patel. Louis listens to the medical report, and it only confirms what he has already read in her file: her lungs are in a bad condition and the environment in which she is growing up has had a severe impact on her body. “I read that her mother has been in rehab several times due to alcohol addiction. I talked to the other son yesterday, and according to him, without success,” Harry changes the topic away from purely medical facts. Liam leans forward, his forearms propped up on his knees. “What about the father?”“Not around,” Ny fills in. Harry shakes his head. “Even if her health improves surprisingly, we can't let her go home like this. To an alcoholic mother who, according to the son, is not capable of looking after her, and certainly not to a flat with black mould. She has pre-existing asthma, more mould exposure would be life-threatening.”“We’re on it,” Ny clicks her pen. “I am in constant contact with Bency's brother, Benjamin, who is of age and willing to take her in. I think it's been cleared up with the mother, but she hasn't contacted me all this time either. It was the brother who recognised the urgency of Bency's symptoms and brought her here.”“Is it realistic that the brother can take care of her properly? He is still relatively young himself, isn't he? At least that's the impression I got when I spoke to him in the hallway.”“He’s twenty-two. I’ve spoken to him several times on the phone and when he’s visited, and I am of the opinion that he can handle it. Unfortunately, he also seems to be someone who had to grow up far too quickly because the parental figures were not present.” Ny turns a page, everyone else looks around glumly or shakes their heads slightly. “The only problem is that he lives in Lancashire, so we have to make sure that everything is in place for Bency’s discharge. The move will be permanent then.”Sitting in the same pose, Liam hangs his head. “What a tragic fate. She's such a sweet, chipper girl, she doesn't deserve this.”There is a murmur of approval from everyone present. It doesn't happen extremely often, but every now and then, that children with shocking stories end up here in the hospital, mostly due to domestic violence or neglect, and every time everyone in the team is devastated by it. “She loves her brother very much. During my therapy she told me that she is already looking forward to living with him,” Elin mentions, attempting to lighten the mood a little. After the awkward moment earlier, Harry's eyes darting to him at irregular intervals and the comments from almost every professional group, Louis feels urged to contribute something as well. Ridiculous, as if he has to prove to himself and everyone that he really does his job and is good at it. “Yeah, she told me about his DVD collection and that she can’t wait to re-watch Cars. She's never really sad, but if she is, with that or anything rabbit related, you always get her.”Before anyone has a chance to answer or say anything else about Bency, the door opens and Doctor Jones enters. She and Doctor Rowland are strict professionals during working hours, but Louis catches the millisecond of intimate eye contact between them anyway. He averts his eyes immediately and watches the old familiar New Balance shoes leave the room instead. It's better this way, that Harry leaves the MDT meeting now with Doctor Rowland and they move on to other, less upsetting patients. Louis can take a lot, but there is a limit to how much emotional turmoil he can take in one day, and it’s almost reached today. His resilience in that regard has also dropped massively since the last paediatrician was hired.  The next day, Louis lights up his post-shift cigarette in the same place - he’s a creature of habit after all. This time, however, without Niall's and Zayn's company. Zayn was on night shift, Niall is on holiday. But that's okay, this way no one can stop him from inhaling smoke into his lungs without having to justify it. In theory. “Hey, Lou,” a familiar voice nears, and when Louis turns he sees Harry approaching him with slowing steps, a bag slung over one shoulder, the fancy-ass coat he’s wearing not buttoned despite the chilly wind. Fucking spring in England. Louis shoots him a quiet hey back on a slow exhale. The day was extremely busy, came with loads of tears and pee-mishaps, and he stayed late again. In other words, he’s absolutely not in the mood to talk, especially not irrelevant small talk. Harry doesn’t get the memo though, or he deliberately ignores it. “You worked the day shift today? I just got called in, asked to cover for someone.”Humming, Louis lifts the cigeratte and places it between his lips. There’s no need to answer Harry’s question - he surely does look like he’s worked a twelve hour day shift and some. He saw the bags beneath his eyes when he looked into the mirror in the changing room on his way out. The taller man nods to the cigeratte between Louis’ fingers. “You’re smoking again?” He leaves a pause for three, four seconds. “Why? You didn’t back then.”It’s the final straw. Maybe it's a fair question, smoking sucks and Harry is right, Louis had quit before they met. Not even the tone in which Harry had asked was harsh or otherwise reproachful, but Louis still can't help feeling offended and rolling his eyes. “Fucking hell, can everybody stop criticising my coping mechanisms? When my patients need care, I’ll be there for them, but who’s here for me? No one. You weren’t here when I needed you in the last two years, so you don’t get to decide about my life now. So please, let me fucking smoke in peace.”Oversharing like that next to the main entrance of Silver Street Hospital, not far from the smoking area where most of the adult patients and some colleagues gather, and thus stripping emotionally in front of Harry who he is supposed to kind of hate? Brilliant job, Louis. His tired eyes briefly scan his peripheral surroundings to make sure no one is outraged that two clinic staff members are sorting out their private problems next to the entrance door. The only man standing close enough to have heard Louis' words is making a phone call himself. He takes another unnecessarily deep, almost too deep drag from his cigarette and pointedly ignores Harry’s gaze, instead stares stubbornly straight ahead towards the car park. Even though Louis previously wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with Harry here and now, it bugs him that Harry doesn't respond. There are many more accusations and emotions bubbling in his smoke-filled lungs anyway, so why stop now that he’s already made a fool of himself?“You were a workaholic whose first and only priority was work, I’m a chronic smoker, we’re both addicts. And it’s like any addiction, isn’t it? Hard to quit.” Louis blows out smoke between his almost closed lips with his head tilted back. He closes his eyes for a moment, then turns to Harry, eyebrows raised cockily. “Is that enough explanation of why I'm standing here smoking, or would you like a more detailed description?”“It’s hard to not be a workaholic when the work you’re doing is helping sick children,” is what Harry finally answers, low and steady. Louis shakes his head. “This isn’t about using patients as an excuse for egoism. You only cared about your career.”He knows that’s not true. Harry isn’t a selfish person by nature, quite the opposite actually. He’s caring, genuine, helpful. He’s the nice young man that picks up old ladies’ grocery bags when they accidentally drop them, the first person offering his seat on the bus or train. If there’s something like a good person, Harry is one. But Louis’ mouth has not filter and he has always tended to overgeneralise things when something has hurt him particularly deeply. “That’s not true,” Harry says, a little more forcefully. “I cared about you, and you know that.”Smoke streams from his nose as Louis exhales. “You left me.”The taller man snorts. “What did you expect of me? To quit my paed training just to stay here with you?”“I don’t know!” Louis raises his voice. It’s not entirely true either. Of course he had somewhat expected Harry to stay here, but with good reason. Harry had never indicated that he wanted to leave before he told Louis that everything was set already. And even if Louis hadn’t exptected anything, he’d definitely known what he’d wished for. “I don’t know,” he repeats. “You could’ve chosen to stay here. You know Jeff would’ve loved to keep you here. But you had to go and see the big world.”Harry’s eyes flash, and for a second Louis fears he’s taken it too far. He should’ve waited another month to have this talk, and it should’ve been in private. “I was suffocating here! With my parents going through their nasty divorce, my grandpa slowly fading away from Alzheimer’s, my grandma’s subliminal homophobic slurs left and right, and with Gemma so far away, it all fell onto me,” it bursts out of him. “I was suffocating. My private life was one big shitshow and I needed to grasp the opportunity to get out of here while I could.”He had been aware of the basics. Harry had mentioned that he’d helped his father move out of Harry’s childhood home and that they had celebrated his grandfather's birthday in a retirement home because he was no longer healthy enough to live at home. Harry had downplayed his grandmother's homophobia, almost deliberately omitting it. She is still of the old generation and you have to know how to deal with it, Harry had said at the time. And the fact that Harry's sister in California had little control over the family problems also doesn’t surprise him. But despite being aware of all this, Louis still hadn’t realise the weight of these burdens on Harry's shoulders back then. It didn't sound like an excuse, it sounded like it had been a release to vent all these problems. “I left you, yeah, but I didn’t leave because of you, but despite you being here.” Harry’s jaw clenches and he meets Louis’ gaze with a lifted eyebrow, turning the tables on him. “So I don't quite know if you should be the one to call me egoistic here, unless you consider my necessary self-care to be selfish. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to work.”They were well-aimed and precisely worded jabs back, and Louis feels like he deserves them. How had this little small talk escalated so much? He’d just wanted to get some nicotine into his body to unwind from work and stress, and now he’s here, feeling worse than before. How had he not known about all of these issues in Harry’s life? Sure, the pediatrician had always believed that you have to leave your private life at home when you’re entering the hospital, and vice versa. Which, generally, is a healthy approach. But Louis wasn’t one of Harry’s patients, not just any colleague. They’d talked about dreams and hopes and goals back then. They’d been close. Or hadn’t they? Had Louis completely misinterpreted or misremembered everything? Or why wouldn't Harry give all these good reasons when he’d announced he was leaving Silver Street and moving to London? Now Louis understands his back story, but somehow it’s all… too late. Too late for himself. Harry had probably, objectively, done the right thing for himself and his mental health. So maybe Harry is right. Maybe Louis is the one who should think about egoism.  The series of things that are troubling Louis at the moment is extending two days later. The atmosphere in the nurses' team had been strange since the beginning of the shift, somehow tense but not tangible, so Louis just pushed it aside and got to work. When he’s in the patients’ rooms, no annoying thoughts or feelings pop up. In the hallway, that’s unfortunately not the case, but at least a little distraction is welcome. Besides, Harry doesn't have a shift today, as Louis has heard from a very refreshed Niall who’s just back from a short holiday. Around noon, Louis finds out why he had sensed such an odd vibe. When the patients are all provided with lunch but the dirty dishes have yet to be collected, Zayn asks all free paediatric nurses to stay behind in the nurses' station for a moment so that he can make an announcement. The nurse looks unnerved when everyone is lingering around and waiting for him to say something, only two older colleagues chatting quietly in the back. “Thank you all for staying here for a moment. I'll make it short and painless: I would.. just like to announce that I… I have handed in my notice and will no longer be working here as of the week after next.”It's like a slap in the face, but one that you realise only a few seconds later. Or like that time someone bumped into Louis’ car while he was waiting at the traffic lights. He almost didn't even get out of his car to assess the damage because he thought his brain had only tricked him into considering the possibility of what might happen in another life in a microsleep. Despite the cognitive delay, Louis is the first to break the stunned silence. “You’re quitting?”His voice is hoarse and his mouth remains slightly open in shock as he observes his friend's reaction. Zayn takes a breath so deep Louis can see his chest rise and fall under the scrubs, then nods. “Yes.” He looks around. “Many of you may have noticed in recent weeks and months that I don't feel quite… in the right place here. That’s not because of any of you,” he slightly raises his index fingers to reinforce his point, but Louis doesn’t feel soothed by this gesture in any way, “which is why I want to tell you about it now, and not keep quiet about it until Azoff is forced to address it.”“You'll be gone the week after next, you say? Do you already have something new?”Niall's voice sounds a bit more steady than Louis' own, but the surprise is written all over his face too. Zayn sticks his tongue out to lick his lips. “Uhm, yes. I got a position as a school nurse that I can start right away.”“We’re sad to see you leave but I think I speak for everyone when I say we wish you all the best for the future,” Krystle smiles, supported by a murmur of agreement. Silence falls over the nurse station as everyone waits for someone else to speak up. When no one does, Zayn clasps his hands. “So yeah… that’s all I wanted to say. I'll definitely leave something in the backroom and say goodbye to you later this week. But yeah… thank you for, for the last one and a half years, I guess.”With that, the spontaneous meeting of the paediatric nurses is unofficially dissolved and Louis' colleagues disappear one by one. Krystle gives him a long, obviously concerned glance, then leaves for her lunch break. It's Louis and Niall's turn to collect the dishes from the patients’ rooms, but Louis' legs don't move until Zayn turns to him and addresses him. “Lou?”“No.”Is it correct to call something a deja-vu when it’s not entirely the same situation you’re re-experiencing, just the general gist? Or is that just considered a running theme? Because people leaving Louis for better work options surely is a recurring thing in his life. “Lou, wait.” It’s Niall who’s followed him out of the nurse station, not Zayn. Louis shakes his head, but it does nothing to structure the storm of thoughts raging inside him. “I don't want to hear anything. Let's just collect the trays.”He fetches the empty trolley into which the trays are slid and rolls it towards the nearest patient’s room before anyone besides Niall can take it upon themselves to approach Louis about his friend's resignation. Which he only found out about alongside all the other colleagues. “It was a matter of time, Lou. We both knew that, if we’re honest,” Niall says softly as he returns from the first room and pushes the blue tray into the trolley until it hits the backside. “It’s not about him leaving.” Louis places a hand on the metallic surface of the trolley. “Well, it’s not mainly about that. It’s… it’s about leaving without telling me in advance. Us. We stood there like the biggest fucking idiots with all our colleagues and found out about it at the same time as them. That's what pisses me off,” Louis realises it’s the truth the second it’s slipped out his mouth. “Not being worthy of hearing about something important like that earlier.” Again. “And I understand that. But maybe he just wanted to make sure everything’s cut and dried?”“Yeah,” Louis grumbles. “Maybe.”The two move a little to the side as Imani's mother walks down the hall towards her son's room with a coffee and nods in their direction. Louis could use a coffee too, or something stronger. Niall takes the time to study Louis at length, although they should proceed with their lunch time tasks swiftly. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards in a sorry attempt to shoot the other nurse a consoling smile. “C’mere,” he rounds the trolley and opens his arms to embrace Louis. He lets it happen, but doesn’t bother putting effort into reciprocating, his arms flailing at his sides. “We might be saying goodbye to Zayn as a colleague, but we’re not losing him as a friend.”Louis huffs. “I, personally, would inform my so-called friends about a job change before I hand in my notice,” he retorts calmly and frees himself from the hug before quickly stomping into the next room.  The next weekend comes with night-shift duty for Louis. And not an easy one, it seems. The new girl who got her tonsils removed and has to stay for a check-up has been crying non-stop ever since handover. Louis can't identify a reason, no matter how sympathetically he asks. The successor to Imani’s bed, Aled, has disappeared from his room in the meantime, sending Louis on a stressful search. He found him in the play corner, clutching his dinosaur plushie tightly, crying because he’s afraid of the monster under his bed. His dad usually tells the monster every night before bedtime that it also needs to go to sleep and not come out, he informs the nurse. Knowing this, Louis accompanies the boy back to the room, turns on the light to show him that the monster hadn’t moved into the hospital with him at all. To be on the safe side, Louis says good night to the monster anyway and orders him to stay there under the bed like Aled's father does. The patient then quiets down, but Louis hears a worrying cough from Bency's room the second he steps out into the hallway. She is alone in the room now, Lavanya has been discharged and fortunately the ward is not too overcrowded at the moment. Louis goes to check on Bency. Three steps into the room, he immediately decides that the normal children's ward is no longer the right place for her. As he searches for the number of the paediatric intensive care unit in his phone, Bency stops coughing. Louis looks from the phone to her, only to see that she seems to have fainted. His own pulse skyrockets and his brain reels off the emergency respiratory failure procedure as if they were an automatic mantra. Assess vital signs, respiratory status, level of consciousness, ABG levels and oxygen saturation. Assess vital signs, respiratory status, level of consciousness, ABG levels and oxygen saturation. Assess vital signs, respiratory status, level of consciousness, ABG levels and oxygen saturation.His hands work without him navigating them, completely on their own. His feet take a big step to reach the red emergency button and he pushes it all the way until he sees the SOS system kick in. He hadn’t closed the door to Bency's room, and within seconds he hears the first person running across the hallway. Eleanor, he realises as he increases Bency's oxygen supply. A few seconds later, the on-call doctor also arrives. Louis only realises it’s Harry as he watches the doctor initiate further life support and takes his orders for help. No.No. No. They do everything can. They do everything that’s possibly in the power of human medicine. The Rapid Response Team works flawlessly, does everything that can be done to keep her lungs working. They're quite literally fighting for her life. But sometimes, it’s not enough. It’s not enough for Bency Patel. What they do is not enough to save a young girl’s life. Movies misrepresent what it feels like to experience something like that, in Louis' opinion. He hasn't had to experience it much. But there's no shrill sound, your field of vision doesn't blur, and you don't stumble across the corridor in a state of total dissolution. You can't do that at all. Some of the other children, even some of the deep sleepers, have woken up to the commotion, and it's Louis' job to make sure that at least they're okay and don't find out about the tragic events down the hall. Thank God Lavanya was no longer in the room. No child should have to witness something like that. Louis tends to the two children peeking out of their rooms while Harry completes the MCCD, with a standard smile on his lips and all the patience he can muster. You can train yourself to be friendly, and Louis profits from the years of training he’s had. Patients’ parents are always good practice subjects.The standard procedures that are carried out after each patient death follow after that. Personal care, collecting personal items, all that. Louis does what is expected of him. It’s a painful kind of numbness. It’s different than losing a loved one yourself, but you don’t get used to seeing death. At least not if you experience it as rarely as Louis does. In a paediatric intensive care unit or in a hospice, it might be a different story. A former colleague once told him that you only learn to deal with it differently, but death will always remain death. There are these jars you can throw marbles into, for angel children. He’s seen some midwives do it on social media. Louis doesn't think that's for him. He shouldn’t have this thouhgt, every human life is worth the same, but it hits him harder with Bency because he had cared for her for many shifts. Professional distance is important, but you cannot protect yourself from becoming fond of some children. Every life touches so many others. The children on this ward are Louis’ patients, but they’re also someone’s child, someone’s sibling, someone’s friend. At 4:28, everything Louis needs to be involved in is settled. It’s finally calm again. All the children are asleep, Eleanor has bags under her eyes but is catching up on the documentation the … incident interrupted. Working is her way of distracting herself. Louis considers announcing that he needs a moment to himself, but then leaves it. If something happens, she will find him. The patient lounge, to which Louis' feet unconsciously carry him, is only two short turns away anyway. The linoleum floor is uncomfortable to sit on until he scoots back to lean against a wall, but at least it was just mopped a couple hours ago, so there’s no cookie crumbs or other unidentifiable substances sticking to his scrubs. The tears don’t come at first. Louis isn’t one to cry at work. Or at home, most of the time. For special occassions, yes, sometimes. But is this an occasion he’s allowed to cry about? When he’s supposed to be the one to help save the life he’s now mourning?His thoughts are so loud that he only notices someone standing in front of him when the blue New Balance N comes into sight. Louis doesn’t look up, doesn’t want to see the face out of fear it’ll make him cry. He doesn’t need to, because Harry wordlessly slides down the wall next to him, mere inches separating them when he rests his bare arms on his knees. The silence is strangely comforting. It’s not the same loud silence as before. Harry makes him calmer. His presence alone puts Louis' thoughts about today's shift somewhat in order. It will take him a while to process everything, but it’s more pleasant to just stare dully at the wall than endure the carousel of thoughts that was previously spinning around his head. And then the tears do come. Maybe it’s because Louis’ subconsciousness knows he’s safe now, that he can let his guard down when he’s with Harry. Despite everything, a part of Louis’ brain still connects Harry with safety. The tears are silent, too, at first. No ugly sobbing. Yet. Louis lets the tears stream down his face until there are too many and they run down his neck, reaching the collar of his shirt. He doesn’t wipe them away though, just hides his face in both hands. “It’s all too much.”It feels weird to speak, his voice sounds alien to himself. But the words in his chest are like the tears on his cheeks, they need to come out. “It’s all too much,” he repeats. “She didn’t deserve to die. Zayn is leaving me. And, and I lost you, and now you’re waltzing into my life again,” Louis takes a deep breath in, and the first sob is already threatening to break though, but he pushes it down, “and I’m stuck exactly where I was two years ago while you chased your dreams and finally took the action you needed to be happier. And I.. I blamed you for that too.”Louis gasps for air, followed by a wet sound. He’s an ugly crier, but he doesn’t care right now. “Shh,” Harry shushes him with a voice so soft it’s barely audible. Louis hears it.“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. It’s all so much.” Maybe that’s Louis’ new mantra. The sole of Harry’s trainers make a squeaking sound on the floor as the paediatrician moves to wrap his arms around Louis. Unlike with Niall, Louis returns the embrace, clutching at Harry as if his life depends on it.Harry is good at consoling him. Scarily good. He intuitively seems to know when Louis needs silence, when he needs words, when he needs actions. “Why is it all so much?” The nurse’s breathing pattern is unsteady, but calms with every stroke of Harry’s big hand on his back. “Shh. Shh, we’ll be alright.”Hearing that out of Harry’s mouth only makes him sob harder. They’re barely talking louder than a whisper, the words being so personal that saying them louder would hurt so much more. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did.”“Don’t say that.”It’s intended to come out harshly, to sound like a command, almost a threat. Instead it sounds more like a beg. A fake one, when you say one thing but mean the direct opposite. “It’s the truth,” the taller man murmurs, face pressed against Louis’ shoulder. He can feel the warm breath against him. “I regretted leaving you. That’s the truth.”Harry’s arms tighten around him. It feels … good. Not suffocating at all. Harry’s grip around him is the force Louis’ rib cage needs to not fall apart. He holds him until the tears stop coming and Louis’ face is swollen and salty. He still doesn’t dare to look Harry in the eyes when he scrambles to change his position, half sitting on his thigh to wind his arms around him while also being able to place his head on Harry’s shoulder. Whenever Harry feels his breath quicken again, he strokes his thumb over Louis’ hair line where his hand is resting on the nurse’s neck. Harry still smells like he did two years ago. Lynx deodarant and warmth. “I’m off at six. If you're comfortable with that, I'll wait the hour until you're off too and we can leave together. Is that okay with you?”Louis simply nods, eyes closed tightly as he inhales the comforting scent that reawakens all the feelings from two years ago. Or rather, reinforces them. They’ve been back again for weeks. If they ever left at all.  Time passes differently on night shifts, but it’s particularly absurd to leave the hospital after a night shift when the rest of the city is just waking up. Seeing a new day dawn, especially now in spring when it’s already light when Louis' shift ends, makes the night before seem like a surreal fever dream. As Harry promised, he waits until Louis had also finishes work and peels himself out of his scrubs and changes into more comfortable clothes. He is once again glad that Silver Street Hospital takes care of washing the scrubs so that Louis doesn’t have to clean his work clothes on his own at home.“You ready to go?” Louis nods and Harry pushes himself off the wall opposite the changing room from which the nurse had emerged. They wordlessly trot down the stairs, taking a step to the side to make space as a hectic doctor from the orthopaedics ward sprints up the stairs. Downstairs in the foyer, Louis pulls up the zip of his jacket and shoulders the strap of the backpack he had let hang down earlier. “I came by bike. How are you here?” Harry asks when they’re walking past the reception desk. The lady who works there is new, but Harry nods to her anyway. Louis is too tired to care. “I took the bus.”“Then we'll just take the bus and I'll ride my bike home tomorrow.”The automatic doors open as Louis and Harry walk towards them, and a gush of cool morning air surges towards them.“Are you sure?”“Yes, it’s no problem.”The sky is already bright and peppered with light clouds, but the sun hasn’t yet risen. The car park that Harry and Louis cross to get to the bus stop opposite Silver Street Hospital is filling up steadily with staff arriving for their day shifts. It’s somehow an unspoken agreement that Harry accompanies Louis to his flat, and not the other way around. At least he steps on the same bus as Louis when it thankfully arrives a couple minutes later. The bus is full of students and commuters heading to work, and although some people get off at the hospital, the two can’t find an empty seat and remain standing. Louis leans with his back against the bus window and closes his eyes briefly. His body is exhausted, but his head is past what the definition of overtired covers. He could probably fall asleep standing up. They get off the bus fifteen minutes later. The electronic voice that announces the bus stop reliably rouses Louis from his near-sleep. Harry doesn't even know at which stop they have to get off anyway. As soon as their feet hit the pavement, Harry turns to him. “You moved?”Oh yes, Louis almost forgot that Harry would realise they’re not making their way to the flat he used to live in when Harry still worked at Silver Street all those years ago. “Yeah.”“When? What happened to your old flat?”“Mh, about a year ago. Couldn’t afford the old one anymore when the rent went up again. I now live with a flatmate, his name’s Oli.”Louis indicates to Harry with a small hand gesture that they have to turn into the next street. Harry stumbles a little to the side and when Louis glances at him he is surprised to see that the doctor looks almost... devastated. “What’s with that look?”Harry shakes his head, making some of the longer curls at the side wiggle around, only the top hair secured by a clip. “I … don’t know. I guess I was looking forward to one familiar thing? My old flat is re-rented of course, so I kind of … hoped for you to still be living where you used to live.”“Because I haven't made any other progress in my life, you mean?”“No!” Harry protests firmly. “No, that’s not what I meant. I just always felt very…  comfortable in your old flat. There was something about that vintage style and all the plants on the balcony.”“Yeah well, that’s in the past now.” Louis nods towards the next door and pats his jacket’s pockets to check which one holds the key chain. “The new one isn’t too shabby. Just doesn’t have a balcony.”Louis and Oli live on the third floor, without a lift of course, so very step of the staircase requires effort in order to not simply sink down the railing and fall asleep on the floor. But the closer Louis gets to his flat door, the more his brain produces memories of the night shift he's just come home from. “Welcome to my humble abode,” Louis murmurs as he turns the key in the lock until it springs open. He pushes it open with one arm, but Harry’s already behind him. Louis toes off his trainers and hangs his jacket on the wardrobe.“You can leave your things wherever you find space.”Harry places his ridiculously long coat over Louis' jacket and holds his hands behind it for a moment to make sure it doesn't fall off the hanger. The flat isn’t huge. The entrance area with the wardrobe opens directly into the main living area, where the kitchen is also located. “You want something to drink?” Louis asks over his shoulder as he pads towards the kitchen counter. “Just some water, please. But I can get it myself.”“No, it’s fine.”Louis fixes them a glass of water each and leans against the counter as he takes a big sip. “You can go to bed, Lou. You look asleep on your feet.”“I’m wide awake.”Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, Harry gives him a once-over.“Okay, maybe I’m not wide awake, but I don’t… I don’t wanna sleep yet,” Louis admits. Harry's expression softens as he lowers his hand with the glass and finally places it next to the cooker top. He looks much less drained than Louis, although he had at least as much to do after Bency passed. “Then let's at least sit down for a while,” Harry suggests and moves towards the sofa without waiting for Louis' answer. But he follows suit anyway. Louis closes his eyes again as he sinks into the sofa cushions. By now it’s completely bright outside, but the sun still doesn't manage to fight its way through the layers of clouds. The silence in the room is kind of odd. Most people are outside doing noisy every-day things right now. For a second Louis thinks about turning on the television, but he can't have the senseless babbling about his ears right now either. “How did you meet Oli?” The nurse opens his eyes when Harry breaks the silence. He leans deeper against the backrest and puts his head back as he recalls his first encounter with Oli. “Remember the old lady that used to live across the hall from me? At my old flat?”“Yeah, of course.”“She’s Oli’s grandma. We once talked in the hallway about the rents being raised again and that I’d probably move out because of that. She said that her dear, dear grandson was also looking for a new flat and that we would certainly be a good fit to live together,” he chuckles. “In the beginning I was a little … reluctant. Until then I’d only met Oli randomly in the hallway and he could’ve been a total creep, you know? A few days later though, he visited her again and we got talking. Turns out, he's super chill. Three weeks later we moved in here. It's actually quite a funny story.”Harry smiles. “Sounds like a nice coincidence.”“Yeah.” Louis exhales. Silence follows again, and Louis bites his lower lip while thoughts of Bency return again and again. If he keeps this up, he'll have sore jaw muscles tomorrow, as tense as he is. Maybe he should go to sleep after all. “C’mere,” Harry twists his upper body and lifts his left arm. At first Louis thinks he wants to drape his arm over the far too low back of the couch, but when he doesn't move closer, Harry wiggles his fingers to make it clear that it’s meant to be an invitation for a hug. So Louis pulls his legs up onto the sofa, and with his legs bent close to his body, slides closer to the other man until he can lean his head on Harry’s shoulder and a strong arm wraps around him. There’s the feeling of safety again. The distraction. The calming effect of Harry’s touch. “What about Niall and Krystle? When did you first meet them?”Closing his eyes, Louis nuzzles into Harry’s soft jumper. Of course, Louis didn't miss the fact that Harry had specifically not mentioned Zayn. Probably to avoid rubbing more salt into the wounds. After all, Zayn's resignation was one of the reasons for Louis' previous breakdown. “I met Krystle first. She started at the same time as Zayn.”He feels Harry’s arm tighten around him, pulling him in. “They were hired two or three months after you left. The weeks before were terrible because two older colleagues retired and we couldn't find a direct replacement. So of course everyone was happy when we got support. I was also happy that I was no longer one of the very few with tattoos,” Louis grins, and he feels the smile on Harry’s face through his body even though he can’t see it. “They both seem very nice.”“They are,” Louis agrees. “Krystle probably more than Zayn. He can be a bit … headstrong sometimes, but he doesn't mean it in a rude way. Unless he’s talking about Azoff, then he does mean every word he says.”Harry chuckles. Thanks to his everybody’s-darling-image, there were little occasions that Louis can think of where Harry and Azoff clashed, and Harry’s opinion of the paed ward’s boss can’t be too low if he willingly returned to Silver Street Hospital, but everyone’s aware of Azoff’s difficult sides. “I’m scared Krystle will leave too. She’s been playing with the thought for a while.” Louis' voice is muffled as he speaks directly into Harry's chest. He wiggles his toes, unsure much he should be discussing the private conversations with his work colleagues. “She seems like a smart young woman. I’m sure she’ll make the right decision for herself.”The nurse sneaks an arm around Harry’s middle instead of replying. “What about Niall?”“What about him? He’s not thinking about quitting. At least I don’t think so.”“No, I meant, when did you meet Niall? How long has he been working at Silver Street?”Louis goes over the timeline in his head. “Uhm, he started not long after Krystle and Zayn. So at least one and a half years I think.” He inhales and exhales deeply. “Niall’s amazing. I've never seen anyone who is so born to be a paediatric nurse.”“Yeah, I’ve noticed that he really thrives in his job. It’s sweet to observe.”“Yeah,” Louis breathes. It’s all so much. The conflicting emotions in his chest, of grief and anger and guilt and pride. And, of course, gratitude that Harry is back and holding him like this. There’s much more he could tell Harry about Niall, Krystle and Zayn, or anyone in the paed ward really. He could give him updates on Helene and Eleanor - two of the nurses Harry knows from before. But he doesn’t. The foggier his brain gets with tiredness, the bigger the need to snuggle into Harry’s side and just forget about the world becomes. Harry’s warm hand caresses his side as Louis slides into a half-horizontal, half-vertical, half-on-Harry’s-lap position. Neither of them comment on it. Harry wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to, Louis reminds himself whenever a spark of doubt pops into his mind. Several minutes must have passed when Harry gently nudges him until he responds with a disgruntled noise. “Wha’?” he complains with his eyes still closed. “C’mon, let’s get you into bed.”And whoops, Harry is stronger than he looks. He just swoops Louis up into his arms when the nurse makes no move to get up. “Which one’s your room?”“Door left of the TV,” Louis slurs. He refuses to open his eyes - he’ll lose his tiredness progression and the thoughts will come back and he doesn’t want to risk either. Harry carefully navigates them both through the door and sets Louis down on his unmade bed when something occurs to him. “Your back.”“Shh, it’s okay. Sleep now,” he murmurs as he untangles the mess of a blanket Louis left at the end of his bed and pulls it up to his chin. “M’kay.”Louis isn’t sure whether the warm lips on his forehead are imagination or not, but the thought is already gone as the sound of socks on the laminate becomes quieter and a dreamless sleep overtakes him.  When Louis wakes up in his bed, he has no idea what time it is. His body still feels like he could need another twelve hours of sleep, but there must be a reason why he woke up. Well, apart from the curtains Harry forgot to draw close when he left the room. Harry. Who brought him home, hugged him on the sofa until he could sleep and then carried him to his bed. Who potentially also kissed him on his forehead, though that remains a mystery for now. Louis briefly considers rolling over again in his cosy warm bed, but the decision is taken away from him when he listens more closely and hears two voices coming from the living room slash kitchen area. He’s still in the clothes he wore when he returned from his shift and even though they were freshly washed, he feels icky in them now, so he puts on some Adidas tracksuit bottoms and a plain white t-shirt. Both Oli’s and Harry’s head turn towards him when he opens the door and steps into the living room. “Morning,” he greets them and yawns. “Morning, princess,” Oli grins as he shoves something in his mouth that he surely didn’t prepare himself. “Good morning, Lou. How did you sleep?” Louis scratches the back of his head. His hair must be sticking up wildly. “Okay. What time’s it?”“Shortly after noon,” Oli supplies with his mouth full. The nurse hums, then addresses his flatmate, eyeing the half-eaten plate of well-presented, nutritious food suspiciously. “Where did you get that? There’s no way you made it.”“While that wounds me deeply - you know I’m the cook in this household after all -, Harry made it for me. Well, not for me, but I was in the right place, at the right time.” He shrugs and keeps eating. “I thought you could use some breakfast, but I didn’t know how long you’d be sleeping so I turned it into brunch,” Harry offers a smile when Louis looks at him. “Oh. Thanks. That’s very.. nice of you.”Louis shuffles into the kitchen to fill a plate for himself and fix himself a tea. He needs something his brain connects with comfort right now, even though a coffee would probably be more helpful in his condition. “Wait, what are you even doing here?”Oli snorts and Louis is a little worried he’s accidentally going to spit out the scrambled eggs in his mouth when he starts talking. “Mate, it’s Sunday? Are you really that out of it?”“Oh, right, yeah. Sorry. Last night was… The shift did a number on me.”“Yeah,” Oli says in a softer voice, and Louis catches him exchange a look with Harry. So the paediatrician filled him in as much as he could. It was probably necessary to explain his presence in their flat. Oli knows about Louis’ past crush on him and the effects Harry’s departure had on him, but Louis hadn’t exactly planned on brining Harry home this soon. “Well, I gotta get going now,” Oli announces as he places his empty plate in the sink, then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “If you’re up for it, we can continue that god awful series tonight, Lewis?” “Sure.”It’s an obvious attempt to cheer him up, and Louis is grateful for it. Oli’s a great friend, really empathic, always knows what’s appropriate to say. “I’ll see you later then. Harry, it’s been nice to meet you. See you ’round?”“Sure,” Harry nods, but his eyes are already stuck on Louis. They wait until Oli has noisefully left the flat before either of them says anything. “Did you sleep?” Louis asks as he hops onto the counter. He takes the plate into one hand and holds it up in case something falls off his fork. Harry leans his forearms on the part of the kitchen counter that protrudes slightly into the living area, like a still attached kitchen island. He clasps his hands together. “No. I slept at the hospital for a couple hours before the rapid response alarm. It’d only fuck with my sleep schedule if I slept now.”“Mh.” Reaching the kettle is quite a stretch from Louis’ position on the counter and he can see Harry twitching from the corner of his eyes, but once he’s got a grip on the kettle, he pours himself a cup without Harry needing to worry about him burning himself. “I got it.”He opens the fridge door with his foot and leans over the counter to grab the milk, then adds it to the tea. He’s a little whiny when it comes to the perfect temperature, so he’ll wait a bit before drinking it. “You called her brother yesterday.”It’s a statement, not a question. They both know Harry was the doctor in charge of the verification of death and thus notifying Bency’s family. “I did,” Harry confirms with a firm nod. “I… I hoped I could convince Benjamin to come to the hospital so I could tell him in person, but he kept bugging me until I… until I told him.”“Was it hard?”Harry sighs and lowers his gaze to his folded hands. “I’ve got routine, but it’s never easy.”Louis nods too. He’s hungry, but the food doesn’t taste right when they’re talking about last night. “Do you feel guilty?”Straightening up, Harry sighs again. He runs both hands through his hair, the hair clip gone. “I shouldn’t. This is part of my job and life, but … yes. Working in the health care system makes me  feel like whatever I do, it’s never enough. I mean, you probably know the feeling.”“Yeah.”“I could study all the subspecalties until I’m a hundred years old,” Harry says, opening his arms to support his point, “and there would still be someone I wouldn’t be able to save. Someone who didn’t deserve their fate. And it’s always worse when it’s children with unlived lives.”Harry is more affected by it than he lets on. He keeps up the professional masquerade well inside the clinic, but here in Louis' kitchen it's a different story. It was like that two years ago, it’s like that now. The two have always bonded over particularly tough cases from work. Sometimes it's healthy to share such matters with people who can really relate. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin your brunch.”It’s adorable, Harry’s dedication to call it brunch. Still, Louis isn’t in the mood to munch on some by now cold pancakes. Instead he places the plate next to him, carefully balancing the cutlery on it. He nods at Harry to come closer. The other man hesitates at first, but moves around the kitchen island anyway. Louis opens his arms and stares into Harry’s emerald eyes as he steps closer and closer until he’s mere inches away from Louis and he can finally wind his arms around him. The third time in the span of a few hours. “We did everything we can. No one could’ve predicted her asthma attack and the resistance to the medication,” Louis mumbles into the side of Harry’s head, breathing in some curls. Harry hugs him even tighter than this morning when they came home, if that’s possible. This isn’t one-sided. Louis isn’t the only one needing Harry. Harry needs him just as much to not fall apart right now. It’s all too much for him as well. “Thank you, Lou,” Harry whispers. Louis also loops his legs around Harry's body and presses him against him as tightly as physically possible. The molecules of their bodies must be sticking directly to each other. Maybe, just maybe what Harry said last night on the hard linoleum floor of the patient lounge is true. Maybe they’ll be alright.  In the two days until Louis’ next daytime shift he doesn’t hear from Harry again. He feels emotionally more stable when he climbs the stairs to the second floor in the morning, ready to tackle the shift and treat himself to the expensive dessert during lunch break, but his good will is already tested very thoroughly by the new patient’s mother. He was admitted last night for a concussion and seems to be coping quite well, but his mother is an absolute helicopter mother and stalks Louis all the way to the nurses' station to inform him of a variety of irrational worries. That’s why, at shortly before eleven, Louis has been hiding in the storage room where the cleaning equipment is stowed away for a good ten minutes when the door unexpectedly opens and a surprised Harry stands opposite him. “Uhm... hi?”“Hi. Would you please close the door behind yourself?” Louis peeks past Harry. He’s already becoming paranoid like the woman who he’s currently dodging. Harry follows his plea but watches him with an amused glint in his eyes, the corners of his pink lips twitching. “What are you doing in here?”“Hiding from Mrs Hewitt,” Louis replies matter-of-factly. “What about you?”“Distributed the entire content of the full coffee pot in the doctor's office.” Harry shrugs and grins. “So you’re still clumsy as hell.”“Of course. I didn’t change much. Takes more than two years to train the clumsiness out of me.”Mentioning the two years of absence brings the humorous mood back down to earth a bit, but Louis still feels that over the weekend the dynamic between the two has changed quite a bit. “Harry, listen.. Thank you again,” Louis says quietly. “For that night. And the day. I know I said some mean stuff recently, but you were there when I needed you this time, and I won’t forget that.”Harry swallows, his lips pressed together. “We both needed the comfort.”They stand awkwardly in front of each other. Harry doesn’t make a move to collect a cloth to sweep up the coffee he spilled, and Louis is in no rush to leave the storage room just to stumble into Mrs Hewitt again. They’re fully staffed today, two patients got discharged this morning and Caroline takes unfairly long toilet breaks during every shift, so they can go without him for another couple minutes. If not, he’s got his phone on him. “Did you… did you mean it when you said you regretted leaving?” The question has been burning at the tip of Louis’ tongue ever since Harry said it, but considering the circumstances, it didn’t feel right to make their personal past the main topic when they were both processing what happened with their patient. Harry takes a second to reply, but it’s not because he’s faltering. It’s because he’s searching for Louis’ eyes. “Yes.”“Why?”The paediatrician sighs. “Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the wrong decision to leave. I needed it, I needed to get away from here and all my family issues. But I regretted leaving you, because of the situation I left on loose ends with you.”“What situation?” Louis cocks an eyebrow, provocating Harry to go into detail. They’ve been dancing around the truth with their hollow words and phrases about who left who, who needed what, and who cared more for what reasons. “You know what I mean.”“You couldn’t say it out loud back then and you still can’t today.”He knows exactly what he’s doing. Or well, he hopes he knows what he’s doing, that he knows Harry well enough to estimate how he’s going to react. But Harry being Harry of course doesn’t follow the plan. Harry kisses him. With his lips closed, but forcefully enough that Louis stumbles a step backwards. Harry’s hands come up to frame his face, squishing the skin slightly, but he couldn’t care less. Harry is kissing him, during daytime and with a clear mind, and that is all he needs right now. Louis wants to lean back in and kiss the smug grin off Harry’s face when he pulls back. “I think we were never much for words, but rather actions, you know?”It’s kind of true. They talked a lot in the year they spent working together at Silver Street, during work and after, but barely about emotions. There wasn’t any communication in a way that a relationship would’ve needed. From neither of them. Louis was too scared to ruin anything, waiting for Harry to take the first step instead. And Harry, apparently, was trying to juggle his personal struggles while also being aware of their… special dynamic. Louis closes his eyes. Thinking back to the two of them kissing when they were drunk or accidentally touching mouths when leaving work almost braindead-tired after long shifts - Harry would need to be incredibly oblivious or just plain stupid to not catch onto that. They were always flirting back then, and everyone teased them about basically living in each other’s pockets, about enjoying weekend shifts when Azoff wasn’t around because those days were the best to plan lunch dates whenever their schedules allowed it. He thinks back to most of the hospital staff calling them the perfect married couple of Silver Street Hospital, and suddenly Louis opens his eyes again. “I can’t do this all over again. I can’t lose you again.”Harry is still standing remarkably close, his arms hovering as if he’s fighting his brain on whether to touch Louis or not. “You won’t. I promise.”“Promise, that’s a big word,” Louis mumbles. “This is our chance to finally get it right,” Harry places his palms on Louis’ upper arms. “Second time’s the charm, and all, right?” he grins. “I doubt that’s how th-”The door bursts open and both men wince in surprise. When Louis turns around, he sees a startled Niall in the doorframe. A suspiciously wet Niall. The nurse’s eyes jump back and forth between Harry and Louis’ face, and a grin spreads on his face when he takes in how close they’re standing. “Here you are, I’ve been looking for you.”“Did something happen?” Louis asks. Harry doesn’t take stop touching him, and he doesn’t want to move out of the fear he might encourage him to. “Got pissed on by Eliza,” he gestures to the stain on his shirt. “And I promised Krystle I’d grab the mop before I go change scrubs so she can clean up the floor.”“I can do that,” Louis offers, though he doesn't actually want to, he just offers it out of politeness. He’s been in his hiding place for a while, after all. Niall picks up a small bucket, a cloth and a cleaning agent, and studies the label briefly. He waves his hands without looking in their direction. “No, no, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”“You didn’t.”It’s a blatant lie considering Harry’s hands are still resting on his upper arms in a very unprofessional way and if Niall is still as good at guessing as he usually is, he’ll probably also speculate about their previous kiss. Harry drops his hands a second later though. His attention is still on Louis when he smiles. “I need to go anyway. We’ll talk later, yeah?” The expression on his face is the most gentle Louis’ ever seen it, once again confirming that something’s changed. When Louis nods, Harry turns to face Niall. “I accidentally spilled coffee in the doctor’s office. Should sweep it up before someone slips and I’m responsible for their trip to the emergency surgery.”Harry smiles at Louis one last time and nods to say goodbye to Niall, then exits the room with a random cloth in his hand. Niall looks downright delighted at the chance of getting to tickle all the dirty details of their recent peace-making out of Louis, so he snatches the equipment from his hands and sends Niall down to the scrubs room first.  When Harry said they’d talk later, Louis didn’t expect for him to turn up at Louis’ flat at 8pm later that night. He certainly looks like he wasn’t expecting any guests - dressed in shapeless grey joggers and with greasy hair, eating crisps on the couch while watching rubbish telly. “You could’ve texted,” is the first thing Louis says when he’s shuffling back into the living room, waiting for Harry to push his shoes under the wardrobe and join him on the couch. “And don't start with any stupid excuses about you not having my new number. I know you got it from Niall last week.”Harry chuckles as he finally enters the living area. He’s also dressed in tracksuit trousers and a slightly oversized hoodie with some bee print on his chest. The pink hair clip Tallulah complimented sits in his hair, holding the mess of curls restrained. “Did he also tell you that he offered me your number?”Louis coughs. Niall the mingling bastard. “No, he didn’t. He left out that detail.”“I mean, I would’ve asked at some point anyway, so he just accelerated the process.”Louis gestures to Harry to get settled on the sofa while he grabs two beers from the fridge. At least now he has an excuse to treat himself to a beer. Alone, that would have been pretty bitter. He places the bottles on the narrow wooden coffee table that he usually uses to prop up his feet, and plops down next to Harry. Sligthly embarrassed by the fact that one of these naked “celebrities” on an island shows is on tv now, Louis reaches for the remote control and switches the tv off. “Sorry for just showing up, but I didn’t want to wait until I stumble across you in the storage room by accident again.”“You know where to find me. The nurse station didn’t move,” Louis jokes as he rotates his upper body to look at Harry while they’re talking. “No, I know. I just, I feel like there’s a few things we should probably talk about in private, you know?”“Yeah.” Louis gulps. He wasn’t prepared to have this talk so soon. “Okay, so. Where to start?” He exhales. “There were times I wanted to sit down on the train to London, hunt you down and drag you back up here by your long curly prince hair. That’s a good first confession.”Harry laughs, and he’s always had a beautiful laugh. He makes pig noises sometimes when something’s really funny, but even that is adorable. “I cut my hair in the second week in London because I could still hear your voice in my head, calling it my prince hair.”Just hearing that means so much to Louis. In itself it’s a bit of a tragedy that he is the reason for the end of the prince hair curls. But the new hairstyle also suits Harry wonderfully. And it confirms once again that it wasn't all as one-sided as Louis thought at the time. He knows he can't turn back the clock, but he wishes the Louis of two years ago could have had this conversation. That he would have been mature enough, that he wouldn’t have pushed Harry away the two times he tried to drunk-call him by ending the call after five seconds. That Louis would’ve been mature enough to not change his number afterwards. At least that part is his own fault solely thanks to his pettiness. God, these thoughts make Louis nostalgic. He looks deep into Harry’s eyes. He wants him to not only hear but feel the words. “I missed you so much the past two years.”Harry’s face softens. “So did I.”“I thought we were going to be something, back then. And then… you left.”“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you in advance. I was a coward, and part of me didn't really want to acknowledge that I was running away from my problems … and leaving you behind as a result.”“It’s okay. I get it now, why you had to go.”Harry nods and draws his lower lip between his teeth. “Do you still think that though? That we… could be something?”Louis sighs. “Unfortunately.”“Why unfortunately?” Harry sits up straighter, his expressing becoming more serious. “That year we worked together was stressful as hell. Not as much as London, but having Jeff as a boss is always stressful. But that year with you … was one of the happiest I’ve had in my life. Not.. when I was home alone with my family issues, but at work, and at your flat I was always happy. When you were around.”“I know,” Louis breathes as his mouth curves into a smile. “I was too.”“So why unfortunately?”“I’m scared I’ll finally get what I wanted all this time and then something goes wrong and it’s going to be ripped away from me again.”Suddenly Louis is attacked from the side and has Harry plastered to his side, hugging him tightly. The two of them were already touchy back then, but Louis could really get used to it again. “Sorry, I, uh,” Harry stumbles over his words as he realises how unexpected his move must’ve been. “Just.. I obviously can’t foresee the future, but I can tell you what I want, and this time I can try to tell you when it’s not too late already.”Louis adjusts his position. “And what is that?”“You.”“I want that too. You.” Harry beams, but buries his face in Louis’ neck. “God, I’m so glad I get to see you at work again. You look so cute and flirty with you green scrubs. No one wears them like you do.”“Zayn pulls them off quite well too.”“But not like you,” Harry mumbles and tilts his head further forward so that he can kiss Louis' neck. The warm, slightly wet lips on his sensitive skin make Louis flinch briefly, then he closes his eyes. Harry sees this as an invitation to pull him carefully onto his lap. His hands settle on Louis’ hips after ghosting in the air for a moment. The path from Louis' neck to his mouth isn’t very long, and he’s sure that Harry could find it more determinedly if he wanted to. Instead, he takes his time, pressing one last kiss under his ear before slowly moving higher, stopping on his cheek first. Louis' breath catches as Harry's lips kiss along his jaw line, but when Harry’s lips finally, finally find his, Louis' lungs feel like they are on fire. That’s it. No more air for Louis ever again. Of course, the kiss now can’t be compared to those of two years ago. Those were at a time when neither of them dared to put all their feelings into it. Maybe the hint of a teaser, but before the intentions became too clear to the other, they’d quickly pull back and stumble home with an excuse. So yeah, feelings play a big role, and maybe also the fact that Louis has been dreaming of this moment for literal years. Almost three, to be honest. Harry’s lips are soft, careful, but in a way still demanding. The fingers on Louis’ hips sneak higher to his waist, holding him steady, while Louis’ own hands are cupping Harry’s cheeks. It tickles his fingertips. Harry’s skin is soft, probably recently moisturised, but Louis is happy to notice that Harry hasn’t shaved the stubble. It could an interesting thought in the back of his mind for.. the future.“Someone from OT has the same trainers as you,” Louis is a little out of breath as Harry pulls back from the kiss. “I couldn’t stand looking at them for weeks because they remind me so much of you.”A smug grin settles in Harry’s cheeks, and they’re tinted a pale pink as if the room temperature is slightly too warm. It looks adorable in combination with his dilated pupils framed by deep green irises. What a beautiful boy he is. “I told you, they’re comfy as hell.”Louis runs his thumbs gently over Harry’s cheek bones, the rest of his fingers mapping out his ears hidden under freshly washed smelling curls. If he could take a photo of this moment, of Harry looking up at him like he’s the most precious thing in the world, he’d print it on the biggest canvas they offer and put it in a museum. Or something. It doesn’t matter what happens to the picture, as long as it’s a reminder that he wasn't dreaming when he gets up in the morning and wonders if this really happened. “Don’t leave me again, Doctor Styles,” he whispers. “Never again, darling.”Their next kiss only lasts a couple minutes in which it gets increasingly more frantic. When Harry tilts his head to the side, it’s like he’s challenging Louis to deepen the kiss. And what can Louis say? He’s a competitive man by nature. All of a sudden and dizzingly fast, Harry lifts them both a little with his muscular thighs, moves Louis to the side and makes sure he's lying on his back on the sofa, still propped up on his elbows out of surprise at the quick movements. It takes a second until Louis’ brain catches up with what’s happening, but once it does, he smirks as he lays flat on his back and spreads his legs for Harry to fit inbetween. Harry sorts his legs while resting his weight on his arms, then focuses on Louis again.“We can take it slow, if you want to. Not rush into things.”Louis snorts. “Really?”“Yes. There’s no pressure here at all, I mean that.”“I know you do.” Louis uses his abs and hands to push himself up enough so that he can peck Harry’s lips, then flops back again. He’s not about to do an actual workout here. At least not that kind. “But taking it slow didn’t work the first time around for us, did it?” He shakes his head with a grin. “If it’s up to me? Then we’re not wasting any more time.”“Your wish is my command.”Both of them are already noticably on the way to becoming hard when Harry finally lowers himself onto Louis, but it feels like a button is switched when Louis wraps his legs around Harry’s and increases the pressure. They both know where this evening is heading after that. First of all though, “not.. not on the couch,” Louis breathes as he simultaneously feels Harry’s hand slowly wandering along his side, down his body, and his talented mouth sucking a hickey way too high above his collar. “Not on the couch,” he repeats after clearing his throat. “Bed.”“Bed.”Not only hugging Harry but also being carried to bed by him is becoming a habit recently. Louis minds neither. “Do you ever make your bed?”“I liked it better when your mouth was busy giving me hickeys that I can't properly cover than making smartass comments about the tidiness of my room.”Harry’s laugh is muffled because he’s in the process of pulling his hoodie over his head. “Where’s that your wish is my command now, huh?” Louis confidently raises both eyebrows, arms folded behind his head. His sweatpants may be cut very loosely, but if Harry would finally concentrate on the important things, he would see that Louis is hard and absolutely willing to get the show rolling. “Patience, my dear,” Harry says as he settles on the bed as well, in the same position as before on the couch, just with the luxury of more room around them now. “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”“My god, this has to be the most inappropriate time for that phrase.”Harry snickers, but returns to his previous task of making sure Louis is absolutely going insane with the slowness of his teasing movements. Burying a hand in Harry’s curls elicits a moany breath from him and speeds up things a little. He removes the hairclip, letting Harry’s hair fall onto his forehead. Louis slowly brushes his hand through it. “I need a new name for your hair.” “Do you take suggestions?”“Depends on the suggestion.”A warm hand slips under Louis’ jumper and tickles the exposed skin. His gaze is intoxicating, almost penetrating as he traces his hand along Louis' side and belly. “Boyfriend hair?” he halts his movements, expecting Louis’ reaction. Louis hums, and the fire that he previously felt in his lungs is spreading through his entire body. “Mh. Cheesy, but I think I like the sound of that.”“Yeah?” Harry grins, hand creeping higher under the shirt. “It’s not too rushed?”“Nah, I don’t think so. We can allow to rush a little, we’ve got a lot to make up for the last two years.”“What are we waiting for then?” With that, four overzealous hands work to free first Louis, then Harry from clothes. Jumpers and shirts, then jogging bottoms and socks. It's amazing how natural it all feels. Sure, Louis has imagined this scenario often enough, in varying degrees of detail, but Harry makes it even easier for him to feel comfortable and not worry about his exposed skin than he had imagined. Since they’re both obviously straining against their underpants and the unnecessary layers of clothing are a pain in the ass when grinding against each other during their heated making out, the decision to lose them as well isn’t very difficult. Although the desperate horny Louis of recent years probably wouldn't have agreed with that, he's glad that their first time is happening like this. He's glad that the first time he wraps his fingers around Harry's cock and watches him close his eyes in pleasure with his mouth slightly agape is in the privacy of his own bed, and not in the bar toilet where they've made out several times. Actually, it's a bit of a miracle that they haven't given each other a blowjob at least once. Or that happened, and he just really has fundamentally no recollection of it. “Do you have stuff?” Harry pants. Judging from the little noises spilling from his mouth and the twitching of his thigh when Louis twists his hand just right, he’d guess Harry likes the dry burn, but they’ll need lube anyway. “Yeah.”Louis stops touching Harry in order to lean over the side of his bed and rummage through his night stand, producing a condom and lube shortly after. Harry eyes the condom and then Louis. “Yeah?”Nodding, Louis bites his lips, barely able to contain a smile. “Please.”Within the next few minutes, Louis comes to several conclusions: First, with those talented fingers, Harry could have been a surgeon. Secondly, his own stamina is frighteningly low and he has to warn Harry more than once to stop briefly so that Louis doesn't come already. Thirdly, Harry's boyfriend hair is different from the prince hair, but especially from this angle, lying underneath him, Louis can picture himself admiring it more often. Fourth, he is still absolutely fucked for this man. “You were worth the wait,” Louis whispers when Harry rolls on the condom, slicks himself up and makes sure the shorter man is prepped enough. “You are too.”Feeling Harry’s cock inside him, his body on top of his, his mouth on Louis’ lips - it’s everything. All the feelings they’ve bottled up for years, they’re all coming to the surface now. Leaving the hospital after night shifts, especially the bad ones, is like a fever dream, and this could be one too, but of the best kind. The complete opposite of a nightmare. Louis grips Harry’s locks with one hair while he pulls his legs a little higher to change the angle and is rewarded with an especially well aimed thrust directly hitting his prostrate. He moans and writhes, the fingers of his free hand blindly searching for something to hold onto. They find Harry’s hand, and a moment later Harry intertwines their hands. “You’re driving me insane, Doc Styles.”Harry’s response is a guttural moan, his hips stuttering. Despite the massive stimulus overload, Louis cackles. “Seriously? That’s a thing for you, being called Doctor?”“Anything coming out of your mouth is a thing for me.”For a moment Louis considers going for it and fucking around with that knowledge, seeing what food or other random terms he can name and still keep Harry at full arousal, but it's just not worth it right now. Maybe another time. “Well then. Make me come. Doctor Harry Styles with boyfriend hair.”Saying that is the starting signal. If Louis was already more than satisfied with their compatibility and Harry's skills and dedication to satisfy Louis before, he has exactly zero point zero complains afterwards. His thrusts become slower and deeper at first, but once he’s also noticeably close to coming, they become erratic but still well-aimed. It’s Louis who comes first, but to be fair, it’s because Harry’s playing dirty, circling his nipple until he’s blabbering about being close, then wrapping his fingers around Louis’ hard and leaking cock. After that, it’s a matter of seconds until he’s coming all over himself and Harry’s hand. He barely registers Harry coming, feeling so high and fucked-out, his muscles twitching through the afterwaves of his orgasm. “Yeah,” Harry exhales as he rolls off ot Louis after calming down enough to carefully pull out. “Definitely worth the wait.”“You can come by unannounced more often for all I care,” Louis grins as he turns on his side and extends an arm to Harry, resting it on his sweaty arm. Harry scoots as close as possible without them having to look at each other cross-eyed. “I certainly will after being tortured all day watching you in scrubs.”“Maybe we can find a free minute in the storage room when you can't control yourself at work. Or when I'm running away from annoying parents again.”After a short discussion, both men agree that Harry will spend the night here tonight. His shift starts later than Louis’, so he’ll have time to go home and change when Louis heads out, and neither of them can be bothered to part from the other now. Not when they finally seem to get it right.  Over the next couple days, whenever their shifts overlap, no matter if daytime or night shift, Harry visits the nurses’ station quite regularly. Only when he can spare a minute, of course. They’re still making sure that their professionality at the workplace comes first. Though Harry’s visits become a little too suspiciously often for Louis’ colleagues, and some of Harry’s, to not catch up on it. Krystle is the first to address Louis’ sudden change in mood, from grumpy and annoyed and quiet after Bency’s death and Zayn leaving, to his now mostly chipper mood. Whenever Mrs Hewitt isn’t around at least. But Louis has found out that Helene is quite good at keeping Mrs Hewitt under control, so now he’s hiding behind the ward manager whenever he hears the click of her heels nearing the nurses' station. Harry and Louis have been talking about how they are going to deal with the very fresh change of their relationship title after the first few comments. Both agree it would be pointless and weird to hide it, that it would only drag out the inevitable further. There is no human resource policy at Silver Street that a doctor and a nurse aren’t allowed to date. So why not tell their colleagues? Just like Louis had expected, Krystle is delighted, saying she’s been rooting for the two of them ever since she’d picked up on the tension between them, and gotten some spicy info about their past at Silver Street from Niall. Niall, who has been watching Harry and Louis interact for a couple days from afar, a shit-eating grin spreading from ear to ear whenever Louis looks at him. He doesn’t even bother to ask Louis about their relationship, just pats him on the back when Harry is heading towards the staircase after dropping off Louis’ favourite granola bar at the nurses’ station. “I’m glad you two finally got your shit together. Was about fuckin’ time.”Louis snorts. “You’re telling me.”“But seriously,” Niall adds in a softer, quieter voice. “I’m happy for you. You seem much more content, more relaxed than before.”“Work life balance and all that.”“It's good to get some exercise, eh?” Niall winks and Louis slaps the back of his head gently before getting up from his chair to start care rounds. “Told you I don’t need the gym for that.”Niall’s cackles echoe in his ears when he enters the patient’s room, the smile on his lips genuine and not a professionally trained one. Like most days when they’re both at the hospital, Harry asks Louis to join him for lunch, breaking the old habit of doctors only sitting and eating with other doctors. It’s like back then, Harry and Louis being Harry and Louis. And on top of everything, it’s finally burger day again, and they’re not all soggy like they were last time, so Louis has all the more reason to be in an especially good mood today. They’re currently talking about funny drunk stories of Harry’s childhood best friend when Liam joins their table, placing his tray next to Louis’. It’s filled to the brim - good for Liam. “Hi guys,” he greets them all smiley as he pulls the chair back. “Hi, Li.”“Hey.”“Now that I'm seeing the burger, I should have gotten it too,” says Liam as he inspects Louis' lunch. “It’s good, man. Burger day is the best day.”Even though Liam doesn't seem completely satisfied with his meal choice, he shovels it into his mouth in record time. Not quite as fast as Niall, but still impressively fast. Liam is done with about half his food when Louis spots Niall and Eleanor paying their food and scanning the cafeteria for colleagues to sit with. “Yo Lima, what are you doing here third-wheeling?” Niall teases as they make their way over. Liam’s eyes grow wide, jumping from Louis to Harry. “Oh, I didn’t - you’re finally, - I didn’t mean to ruin your lunch date, sorry!”The two nurses laugh as they sit down next to the trio while Liam seems somewhat embarrassed about not realising what’s been going on between Harry and Louis. To cut him some slack - he’s not around them as much due to working in a different field, and while they’d been honest whenever asked about it, they hadn’t exactly been shouting it from the roof tops. Louis pats his shoulder. “It’s all good, Li, don’t worry.” “This doesn’t count as a date anyway, the food’s not good enough. And the ambiente isn’t exactly romantic,” Harry chimes in. Shrugging, Louis cuts a big piece from his burger. He’d much rather put down the cutlery and eat with his hands, but that’s not welcome because patients can also eat in this canteen and the staff are not supposed to behave like idiots when eating, quote from Azoff. Even if he can objectively understand this rule in principle, Louis can relate to Zayn's strong dislike of the senior consultant. “I don’t have much standards for my food. And to be honest, this burger is better than anything I could cook for myself, so I’m definitely not complaining.”“You burn noodles though, so that’s not saying much.”“Fuck you, Horan.” Louis flips him the middle finger. Harry, finished with his salad, neatly places the cutlery on the plate and leans back in his chair. “I’ll take you out for a real date when my night shifts are done after the weekend.”“Oh, are you?”“Yup.” He mirrors Louis’ grin. Next to Liam, Eleanor sighs. “This is finally the closure I didn’t know I needed. No, this is what the hospital needed. The perfect married couple in scrubs, back together.”There it is, the familiar nickname for them. It feels good to hear, because it’s finally more or less true. They may not be married, but they truly are the perfect couple in scrubs. Unless Sarah and Mitch are listening, then it’s a tie, of course. Harry’s smile is soft as he blinks at Louis. Niall waves his fork dangerously close to Louis' face and Louis squints in surprise because he was so focused on Harry. “And now who said you can never be happy when leaving the hospital, Lou?”“I don't know who said that. Certainly not me.”