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“You have beautiful eyes, you know.”“I did not know. These eyes aren’t mine.”It was such a matter of fact statement that it passed over the Inkling's mind before she had a chance to grab it and understand it on the first pass. She processed the statement on the second beat and the statement startled her.“What do you mean they’re not yours?” Her head tilted, tied tentacles jostling with the movement.The green-skinned Octoling's stare felt like it phased through her.No answer.Callie gave the Octoling a gentle rustling, tapping on their chest with her hands curled into loose fists. They did this sometimes. She would space out, talk on a reflex, eyes glazed over like her mind was elsewhere. It likely was. Who knows what Sanitization did, what it truly did, to someone's mind and personality when it was only partial. She was the only known subject who'd experienced partial Sanitization and survived this far.“Ded. What do you mean they’re not your eyes?”A sudden, sharp inhalation of breath was followed by Ded's body twitching back to function. Their arms wrapped around Callie's waist a little tighter, a little more greedily as if stealing back territory from their own carelessness. They'd snapped free from their trance, least for now. Their eyes, once dull, were regaining their little shine as they stared down at the squid pressed into their chest.“…’msorry…” Their voice softly rumbled against Callie's ears, a soft and welcoming sound not unlike a heartbeat.
Talking was hard when you found yourself slipping from the world around you and you had to fight to come back to awareness. It felt like a shroud, coiling around your legs and your throat, choking your voice and blocking out your eyes.Dedf1sh always felt it was cold, something like an old blanket from the attic being tossed on your shoulders when you’re hunkered down around a flame that’s fighting to help you stay warm. It made things worse for a moment, but it was comfortable and recognizable. Then suddenly its stripped off of you again, and you find yourself even colder without it…The flame flickers.Callie shifted her weight, scooting herself closer and pressing her ear to her partner's chest. Her hands slid under their arms, looping down then sneaking under their Sashimori bed shirt. Callie didn’t mind. Ded's body was always a bit clammy, but under the blankets and sheets, they felt comfortably cooled. She felt their heartbeats through their skin. Three little rhythms, perfectly in time if slowed down to a degree that would definitely kill a normal Octoling.Dedf1sh bunched her legs up around the moving bundle in front of her, drawing the warmth closer, deeper. It was like getting to breathe in pure oxygen, and the high was worth the risk. It gave her purpose, reengaged her muscles, put her mind at ease. Being near the flame melted the cold away, just long enough to feel comfortable rolling that name around in her mouth again.And Callie? Callie smelled like home. Home smelled like spiced honey, roses, and apples.“It wasn’t you talking again, wasn’t it.”It was less of a question and more of a statement waiting to be confirmed, and it brought a small chill to Ded's ink. The Inkling was perceptive. Even more than that, she was experienced with something like this. She knew, out of everyone, what it was like for your worst day to become a constant reality.“Mmh.”“Do you know what it meant?” That was what she often asked when Ded spoke in that ghostly state.“Mmh-mmh.” And that was often the reply.Ded never knew what those random blurbs were about. They ranged from the cryptic to the deranged, but they were always worrisome. It was often seen that Dedf1sh would mutter them to herself for days after, seemingly unaware of their presence in her mouth. You would ask about them, then suddenly Dedf1sh's entire body language shifted and they stopped.This time would be no different.These eyes aren’t mine.Even now, in the comfortable silence, the cold crept back in. It gnawed on their minds, collectively without a word. Even as Dedf1sh huddled against her warmth, her flame, the cold threatened to swallow them both.The DJ felt her stir underneath them, mewling softly and moving like she too was suffering from the frigid cold. Instinctively they clutched her tighter, mind clouded but the need to protect as loud as ever.Dedf1sh and Mizuta were one in the same now. There was no separating the two, and the influence of those names over the soul attached to them waxed and waned like the summer moons, much like the pronouns they preferred. Some days it was purely she/her, some days she/they, and sometimes it was just they/it. It was a bitter power struggle that felt as though there’d never be a clear winner, for what good was that in the face of the irreversible. Control meant nothing when there was nothing to influence or change, when there was nothing but a corpse on puppet strings being fought over by a ghost, a zombie, and a puppet master. They were dancing on nails…And Callie, bless her little soul; Dedf1sh always felt as if Callie didn’t truly grasp the situation in some way. She'd try to find anything about Dedf1sh before the Sanitization, any scrap of information to try and wake Ded's memories like smelling salts on a concussion. The pieces that could be remembered weren't even always happy. How many core memories are gone, wiped clean?Clean.Fresh…Fresh like the Inklings she remembered wanting to be like?Fresh like the scraps of music she heard on the busted radio they fixed so long ago in the Valley? The music from them, from the Squid Sisters, from… from…Who was it again…? Who was it?Her head was loud again.Then suddenly it quieted and a single thought took center stage like a last minute act.Did Dedf1sh even deserve her?That made them pause. Where was this thought born from? Surely it was one if those intrusive thoughts the therapist had warned of, when both Squid Sisters advocated for the Octoling to seek some form of trauma counseling to try and find a solution to the mental aspect of Sanitization, to try and at least salvage what could be. Thoughts that would always plague them, even silently, always clinging to them and dragging at their feet; an unignorable curse. The realization of this brought a bitter taste to their throat, even if they long had since lost the ability to really tell. It was just another form of Sanitization, these random thoughts. Yet another problem to shuck onto someone in proximity-“Mizuta.” Callie's nails dug into the Octoling's back. They could feel them, small hook-like claws digging into cold flesh like the gentle tickle of rain on their face. It didn’t hurt. It barely felt like anything but pressure and heat.In their faltering of awareness this time, Callie had felt Dedf1sh's body trembling as if struck with unimaginable terror. When she touched their face, they didn’t even move. When their claws gripped her back, she whined and squirmed to get their attention. Again, they seemed lost or frozen in their body. It was only until she returned the sensation with their name, their name from before, did it cause them to move.Dedf1sh could suddenly feel their claws in the squid's clothing, threatening to break through it, and quickly her hands retreated as if stung by the harshest jellyfish.“…ah… songbird I-“Callie shushed them, a hand moving to the back of their head, guiding it to nestle into the crook of her shoulder.
They obliged the action, allowing themself to be moved with zero resistance. Her smell was more overwhelming this way, they realized. A deeper breath let them drink the scent for even longer, a soft purr on their throat as they did so. Their hearts ticked slowly, but noticeably more erratic and far less subdued.She didn’t care that they’d accidentally hurt her, nor that she was clearly struggling to explain these actions away. All Callie cared about was letting this poor fool have a clearly-needed break from her own mind for a moment. Everytime it felt like Mizuta was coming back to something one could liken to her old self, she'd slip and fall back into this zombie-like state. It had to be exhausting.Callie understood more than she let on. She knew how futile it was to try and awaken what was probably lost to whatever processes Tartar had orchestrated, but something in her refused to stop trying to give her partner something of a foothold to cling to in terms of identity. Identity was everything to an Inkling, and even many Octolings felt it was more important than being part of something larger than themselves. Was Mizuta the same before Dedf1sh came into existence? It was a terrifying ordeal, to have nothing.Even the most lonely people had memories.
But in this moment, it was about wiping away the tears, soothing the aches, and giving the winded a breather.“Shhh. No more talking about it, okay? Not right now.”“Not… right now…” Mizuta parroted it back, hesitatingly coming back to find themselves around the Inkling again.Her movements were slow, careful but unnaturally smooth. Every muscle contraction was as intentional and as precise as a calligraphy brushstroke, yet lacking the grace and poise one would expect. Arms coiled, shoulders bunched, and ever closer did the squid draw to the octopus until they were as close as they could physically be. Chest to chest, cheek to cheek.“Now, who are you?” Callie did this often.“I am… Mizuta… Mizuta Ahato.” Dedf1sh robotically answered. This was rehearsed.“Yes, good! Who else are you?” Silly Inkling that she was, Callie did this exercise with Mizu to reinforce her memory, her identity. You aren’t what you've become, she'd say. You are you.“Dedfish.” Stiff and rehearsed.“I wanna hear you smile, love. Do you belong to anyone?” Callie never asked that question. This was new, a chance to lure out some more independence.A small twitch in the corners of her mouth was her attempt to smile. One forgets how to when you never really did it in full life either. She could at least put more emotion into their voice, or try to.“No. Never. I am Mizuta Ahato, DJ Dedfish. I belong to me.” Ah this time her voice felt… louder. It wasn’t a mumbling whisper that she let slip out with her breath. It felt… manual, intentional and thrumming like a soft bass. It definitely caught Callie's attention. One of her ears had perked and raised slightly. That was a tangible note of progress. The DJ had never raised their voice above that whispering hum, not even when scared or upset, whenever that was.
Always a calm, quiet, restrained Octoling, never stepping out from that comforting cold and quiet space she'd been forced into by that stupid phone…Callie pressed a kiss to her partner’s temple, satisfaction purring from her own throat as her arms tightened around the much larger Inkfish. A tiny celebration, a congratulatory warmth that made Dedf1sh's hearts thrum that little bit harder in her chest.“That’s right, and don’t you ever forget it.”“You would likely not let me.”“That IS the point, yes.”Mizuta was okay with that. She was okay with a lot of things now.“…Cal?”“Hm?”“…Can you… do that thing you did before…?” Their voice was shy, quieter suddenly as they buried their face into her warmth again. They felt her laugh, then a hand found itself on one of Dedf1sh's ears. The familiar pressure of Callie's thumb rubbing against it was soothing, and very quickly, they found herself and their mind quieting. Yet within, something warm grew in its stead. A little spark found itself landing on prepared kindling, and it was hungry to ignite.Dedf1sh, Mizuta, the child of the army, the DJ in the Metro, whoever they were. They were okay with this. They were home.Home smelled like spiced honey, roses, and apples…