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Chapter One- James.The barn outside the potter estate had become a sanctuary for James over the years, so naturally every summer him and his friends have a party right before they have to go back to hogwarts for the year, it’s tradition at this point. It’s not a huge party, it’s just the four of them. The four marauders.
“Prongs where’s Sirius?” Remus says turning the music down.
“I don’t know, he’s probably curling his hair or something.” James replies, taking a swig of his drink. Remus always worries, Sirius can handle himself.
“Moony turn the music off.” Peter says hurriedly, Remus turns it off quickly.
“Do you hear that?” Peter says again as the three boys look at eachother in confusion.
“No?” James says before the barn door creaks open, that’s new.
“Oi moony your the tallest go check.” James says pushing Remus towards the door.
“What? It’s your house!” Remus says pushing James forward too.
“Yeah prongs!” Peter says pushing him too.
“I hate you both.” James says before finishing his drink and heading to the barn door, where is continues to creak open slightly. He gets closer to the door when suddenly a hand appears.
“FUCK!” James yells before the door opens completely and Sirius appears, laughing maniacally.
“You should have seen your face!” Sirius cackles before getting hit on the shoulder by James.
“Pads! I almost shit myself!” James yells hitting him again, he should have guessed that would happen, Sirius always pranks us on the final night.
“I can’t wait till we’re back at hogwarts, I’m gonna hex the shit out of you.” James threatens before dragging Sirius onto the sofa where the other two boys follow. Peter takes the armchair while Remus sits on the sofa too, where Sirius decides to lay his head on Remus’s, thigh and prop his feet on James’s lap.
“Comfy there pads?” Remus says, a smile playing on his lips.
“Always Moony.” Sirius teases, grinning up at a flustered Remus. James can’t help but smile, the two of them have always been in love, none of them had the balls to say anything to each other, there just a pair of lovesick fools.
“Have you lot seen Benjy’s new haircut?” Peter says grabbing a drink from the pile, Sirius raises his eyebrow.
“He got a new haircut?”
“Yeah, he looks quite good haven't you seen?” Remus says grabbing a drink too, Sirius grins up at him again. “Liking it a little bit too much Moony?” Sirius says, smirking slightly and raising an eyebrow, Remus looks away. James, being the people pleaser he is, grabs a drink and raises is in the air, Sirius gets up from Remus’s lap and starts to raise James’s glass more, getting him to chug it. James happily complies.
“Careful James, drink too much and you’ll tell us all your secrets.” Remus teases, finishing his drink. Sirius sits up straight and looks at everyone. “Friends share secrets, that’s what keeps us close.” He smiles. “Drink up!” He says raising his own glass.James wasn’t sure what time it was, or when everyone fell asleep. The thunder was loud, it shouldn’t be that loud, as he turned he saw that the barn door was wide open. He checked to see if his friends were awake and saw that it was only him and Remus. He quickly shook Remus in a hurry. He stirred and got up rubbing his eyes.
“Where’s Sirius?” Remus says looking around too.
“I dont know Peter isn’t here either. The doors open. Maybe they went for a smoke?” James suggests, choosing to ignore the feeling in his stomach, he doesn’t want to think something bad has happened. They both get up and go towards the door where they see Peter walking up to it.
“Sirius?” James calls, noticing it is only Peter.
“He’s gone! I’ve looked everywhere for him!” Peter says shakily.
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Remus asks hurriedly.
“I think I heard a scream.” Peter says as we all look at him in horror.
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Chapter Two- Remus.It has been a year since Sirius disappeared. A year since everything went to shit. Remus hasn’t been himself at all. In fact, he spent the whole of the summer in Wales, trying to get away from the world. The marauders hadn’t been the same since Sirius disappeared. We couldn’t do it without him, he was the glue. His parents were understanding, they knew how much Sirius meant to Remus, but they didn’t know the extent of it. Remus felt like he lost a part of himself that night.
“Remus Honey!” His mother yells from inside the house, they were unpacking, they wasn’t sure if they were going to come back for a while, but they still had a life in England, Remus still had hogwarts.
“Yes mum!” Remus yells back, coming into the kitchen.
“Can you put these on the top cabinet? I can’t reach!” His mother asks with a sweet smile, she’s too sweet, too innocent, too gentle. Hope Lupin deserved better than Lyall Lupin. “Yeah mum, sure.” Remus says planting a kiss on her cheek as she smiles at him happily.“Remus.” A voice says from behind as Remus sits in his bedroom that evening, reading a book he found at the bottom of his bag, one of the books Sirius brought for him.
“Dad.” Remus replies, barely even looking up from the book, Wales wasn’t just an escape for Remus, it was an escape for his dad. Lyall Lupin, cheating on his precious wife for one of his young, pretty girls at the ministry internship.
“Look Remus, I know it must be hard for you being back here, after everything that happened last year. Your mother and I are trying to let you heal.” Lyall starts, Remus looks up from his book with a cold expression.
“Dad, quit the theatrics, I haven’t told her. But don’t think I won’t.” Remus threatens before dropping the book and walking out of the house. Remus didn’t know where to go, he hasn’t been back in London for ages, he goes to the only place he can think off, Diagon Alley.“Butterbeer please.” Remus asks as the barmaid comes up to him, she apparates a glass infront of him as he hands over a few sickles. He wanted something stronger but it was obvious he was underage, firewiskey was much better than butterbeer in his opinion. He looks around the bar, it’s quite empty, he goes back to his drink when his eyes latch onto something. A poster on one of the notice boards.Sirius Black, would now be 17
Sirius black’s one year anniversary for his disappearance is today.
Sirius black has black hair and grey eyes. His family are still holding out hope for him to return after a hard year.Sirius’s eyes stare back at him, he looks radiant on the poster, god he hates magic images, Sirius looks so real, his hair is blowing in the wind and his grin is growing, he looked happy, Remus would know, he took the picture on the enchanted Polaroid Sirius brought him for his birthday two years ago.
“You alright over there?” A voice says from behind, Remus forces himself to tear his eyes away from the poster. A man was sat at the other end of the bar, staring intently at Remus, he was quite gorgeous, Remus felt himself flutter at the sight.
“Yeah, sorry just a bit out of it. First time back in diagon alley after being out the country.” Remus says smiling at the man, he takes it as an invitation to sit closer to Remus, he doesn’t complain one bit. “Oh yeah, where?” The man asks.
“Wales.” Remus says smirking, he does like the attention.
“Oh yeah? I spent last summer there with my brother.” He says smiling at Remus.
“So do you go to hogwarts?” Remus asks, he was in his final year, this man may have been in a different house to him.
“Just graduated, going into potions.” The man says, he looks like he’s happy to have achieved this, Remus instantly feels happy for the man.
“That’s interesting, I was never any good at potions.” Remus says, Lily was always the best at potions.
“Oh yeah, what do you do then?” The man asks, Remus wasn’t sure how to answer? Does he mean what I’m going to do after I graduate?
“Leaning towards teaching.” Remus says shrugging a little bit.
“Oh wow, I’m impressed.” The man says, he is comfortable, Remus decides he likes this man.
“Why?” Remus asks, smirking as the man sits closer to him.
“Well, your smart, pretty and I’d like to know more about you.” Remus feels his heart flutter at the compliment, it has been a long time since anyone made him feel this way, it does make him feel a little bit guilty but, this man is here, Sirius is not.
“I’d like to know more about you too.” Remus says tilting his head a little bit, a move what gets the man’s attention quickly.It didn’t take long before we were shagging in the bathroom, he was a fantastic kisser Remus learnt quickly, Remus was going back to hogwarts tomorrow, every year he has done something to end the summer with a splash, if he can’t be at the barn, he can at least be spending it with a great guy in a bar.
“What’s your name?” The man asks breathlessly as Remus does his belt buckle back up.
“Remus.” He says fixing his hair in the mirror.
“Rabastan.” The man says wiping the corners of his mouth. The name suits him. It’s a beautiful name.
“Well Rabastan, I’m off.” Remus says going to the bathroom door before Rabastan pulls him into a quick kiss before he leaves.
“Will I see you again?” Rabastan says, looking into Remus’s eyes intently.
“Maybe.” Remus says, a smile playing at his lips, making them curl slightly, Rabastan seems to catch the gesture as he breaks out into a grin and kisses Remus on the cheek before leaving. Remus was feeling much better, maybe hogwarts wouldn’t be that bad.
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Chapter Three- JamesJames doesn’t want to leave his parents, but he has to leave this house. Sirius had lived here for two years before he disappeared, it was crawling with his presence, James spent most of the summer out of the house, he couldn’t deal with it. He spent most of the summer at Peter’s, Remus had left for the summer to get away, oh how James wishes he could have done that too. His parents were a wreck, Sirius was their son just as much as James was. He just wants his best friend back. That’s all he wants. He just wants Sirius. As he gets onto the Hogwarts Express, the first person he sees is Regulus Black, Sirius’s real brother. He looks different, good different. His hair had grown out and his cheekbones were sharper, he looked sharper, he was taller too. Everything about him was different. James didn’t realise he was staring until the boy looked over and raised his eyebrow, James raised his own in return before a boy taps Regulus on the shoulder and kisses him intently, James quickly averts his gaze, that wasn’t for his eyes.“James!” Lily says as he enters a carriage, all of his friends were sitting inside, thank god. “Good to see you Lils!” He says pulling her into a hug, she was with her family all summer, she lived in Liverpool, a lot further away than where James lived in Essex.“Ew.” A voice says from behind as Marlene wraps her arms around his waist, he grins, Marlene was one of his best friends.“Ew to you.” James says back as she whacks him over the head.“Oi! Stop hogging James!” Mary says hitting the two girls off him and pulling him into a hug herself.“Hey Mary.” He says softly into her hair, Mary and James had a special friendship, they were more private, more trusting, they weren't like James and Marlene, they trusted each other with more than they thought was capable.“How are you feeling?” Mary says softly peering up at James through her eyelashes.“I miss him.” James whispers, blinking his tears away, he wasn’t going to ruin this for everyone.“Look who I found girls!” Peter says dramatically as he enters the carriage, with a smiling Remus Lupin behind him.“Moony!” James yells, untangling himself from Mary and pulling Remus into a bone crushing hug.“Jesus Prongs!” Remus says, laughing quietly.“I missed you! You Welsh prick!” James says, he did truly miss Remus, after everything, he kind of detached himself, he needed the break as much as James wanted him to be there, he needed to get away.“I missed you too.” Remus whispers as they pull away.“It’s weird isn’t it.” Peter says after we all get comfortable on the carriage seats.“Really weird.” Mary agrees, laying her head on Lily’s shoulder.“It’s been a year.” Marlene says quietly, snuggling further into James lap, she really didn’t take it well, Sirius was one of her best friends, she loved him more than anything.“Right now he would be telling us to stop being so fucking miserable.” Lily says, letting out a small laugh.“Why are we talking about him like he’s dead? He’s not dead!” Remus blurts out. It startled James a little bit, because as much as James didn’t want to admit it, he thought Sirius was dead- why else would he just run away? Sirius had already run away once, but he ran to James. Why would he run again?“Moony-“ James starts but is cut off by Remus leaving the cabin in a hurry. Peter instantly gets up but Lily stops him.“Leave him Pete.” She says softly. The dorm was eerie. It was eerie last year too, but now it was even worse. Last year, nobody had touched Sirius’s bed, but it looked like the house elves had gotten their hands on it; it looked like nobody had ever slept in it. That made James angry. They left it how it was, messy and filled with Sirius how he was last year. Who did the elves think they were, erasing Sirius’s presence in the dorm?“Fucking ridiculous.” James mutters under his breath as he looks at the bed, Peter looked so distraught at the sight and quickly excused himself to the bathroom. Remus balled his hands into fists. James just felt lost. Sirius was his other half, and now he was gone nothing felt right anymore. James decided to look at the map, it always brought him comfort. He could see that Marlene and Mary were in the dorm together while Lily was on her way to the Library, he could see that Peter was pacing in the bathroom, he could see Dumbledore in his office with Slughorn and Hagrid, he could see Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier in the slytherin common room with Pandora Lovegood and Dorcas Meadowes, but one person caught his eye: Regulus Black in the astronomy tower. James quickly grabbed his cloak and left the dorm, making his way there.In all honesty, James wasn’t sure what he expected to see, but seeing Regulus sobbing as he looked at the Sirius star in the sky wasn’t one of them. James froze at the sight. Regulus loved Sirius, Sirius loved Regulus, none of them knew how to communicate it, but now they couldn’t. It was a tragedy really. James was about to leave when he heard Regulus’s shaky breath. “Why did you leave? Where did you go?” James freezes again. Regulus tilts his head up, moonlight shining on his face, and James realised that even tearful he looks angelic.“Come back Sirius, I need you. I miss you.” Regulus says, voice cracking. It was truly heartbreaking. James knew exactly how he felt, Sirius was his brother too. James wanted to help Regulus, and deep down, he felt like this was going to help with his closure. So James tears his cloak off carefully and kneels down next to Regulus, who stares up at James, startled before jumping away, rubbing his tears away.“Potter.” He says looking away.“Regulus.” James says, getting up off the floor and going over to him.“What do you want?” Regulus says, turning to James. His face was stone cold, a direct contrast to what James witnessed a minute ago; to anyone else, he didn’t look like he was crying at all, but to James, he could see the redness of his eyes, the slight quiver of his lip. Regulus black wasn’t as good as hiding his feelings as he thought, James could see right through him.“I miss him too.” James says softly, trying to force the tears that were brewing away.“He called me up that night, you know? I didn’t answer it, I was convinced it was just another one of his prank calls. I knew about your barn party. I ignored it. And he disappeared. I could have heard his voice that night. I might have been able to stop it. If I just answered the call.” Regulus admits, voice wobbling as tears well In his eyes, James didn’t know what else to do, he wrapped his arms around the younger Black and allowed him to sob, not caring if it ruined his shirt, Regulus sobbed and it was the most heartbreaking thing ever, a brother who blamed himself. How ironic. That’s exactly how James feels.The two boys stayed like that for half an hour, maybe more. It was comforting for the both of them. James felt better than he had in months. Eventually, Regulus’s breathing slowed, his chest was no longer heaving and his breath was no longer shaky- he was all cried out, James imagined. Somehow they ended up on the floor, James couldn’t tell you how that happened. Regulus pulled away first, looking embarrassed about the whole thing.“Sorry, your shirt.” Regulus says shakily, wiping his nose on his sleeve, Regulus even cried elegantly, James on the other hand, was red, blotchy and was sure he had snot everywhere, but he didn’t want to think about that.“It wasn’t your fault you know? Don’t blame yourself Regulus. Never blame yourself. Please don’t blame yourself.” James whispers and Regulus turns back to James, wide eyed.“Why are you being nice to me?” He asks shakily. James let out a breathless laugh.“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you Regulus?” James asks softly, truly confused. There is no reason for James to ever not be nice to Regulus.“You have no reason to be nice to me. Sirius hated me. You hate me. Why are you being nice? This is mean.” Regulus says turning away, James grabs his wrist and forces him to turn back.“Regulus, there isn’t a universe where I would ever hate you. I’m being nice to you because you deserve to have someone be nice to you. Just because you're Regulus Black doesn’t mean you can’t have people be nice to you. I’m nice to you because you need someone to be nice to you. It’s your brother's one year anniversary, you deserve to have people be nice to you. Do you understand?” James says firmly. Regulus needs to get this in his head. Sirius was like this at first, believing he was unable to be loved, to be liked. If James could help Sirius, he could help Regulus. Regulus stared at James for a few moments, eyes wide. James wasn’t sure what to do so he gave him one of his lopsided grins, which caused Regulus to blink before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to James’s forehead. “You're a good person James. Too good of a person for me.” Regulus says softly, before getting up and leaving the room, leaving a confused and flustered James on the floor.
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Chapter four- Remus“Moony!” Sirius yells as he finds Remus alone in the dorm. Remus instantly finds himself smiling but hides it with his book, pretending to be that invested in it. He watches Sirius pout from above the book before grabbing it out of Remus’s hands.“Pads, fancy seeing you here.” Remus says with a slight smirk, Sirius makes him happy, he could never explain it.“I got a detention! Can you believe it! First week of 5th year and dear old Minnie is already punishing me! I didn’t even do anything that bad!” Sirius complains as he makes himself comfortable on Remus’s bed.“You charmed a cloud to follow everyone who had good hair so it would get wet and ruin it Sirius.” Remus says and Sirius lets out an over-exaggerated sigh.“They shouldn’t have had good hair then, that role’s reserved for me and me only, don’t you agree Moony?” Sirius says, batting his eyelashes.“Sure, pads.” Remus says picking his book back up and pretending to read it, trying to conceal his blush.“What are you reading?” Sirius says, peering over his shoulder.“Muggle book.” Remus responds, flipping it over so he can see the title.“A picture of Dorian gray?” Sirius says, eyebrows furrowed. Remus fights the urge to ruffle his hair, he looks adorable.“Yeah, it’s about this guy who sells his soul so he can never get old and stays young and beautiful forever.” Remus says as Sirius looks wistfully in the distance with a soft expression, it melts Remus’s heart.“I want to stay young and beautiful forever.” Sirius says, sighing.“I don’t know Pads, you're going to get wrinkles soon.” Remus teases as Sirius wrinkles his nose.“You don’t know that! I could die young. Leave a pretty corpse. I would be young and beautiful forever.” Sirius says, staring into the distance before focusing back on Remus, smiling happily at him. Remus picks up that book once more, still left on the page Sirius left it on that day two years ago. Remus still holds out hope, hope that Sirius will come back. Maybe when he comes back they can finish the book; Remus has hope. He sighs as he places the book back in his bedside table drawer and grabs his potions book. He was running a little bit late, but it wouldn’t be that huge of a problem, Slughorn never really cared for lateness. As he walks in he locks eyes with the teacher, the teacher that wasn’t Slughorn.“Fuck.” Remus mutters under his breath as everyone turns to him, looks like he didn’t mutter that at all.“Sorry I’m late professor, staircase troubles.” Remus lied awkwardly, taking a seat next to Lily who was staring at him in disbelief.“Do you know him or something?” Lily asks and Remus shakes his head.Fucking Rabastan was his Potions Professor.The lesson was dreadful. Remus could feel Rabastan’s eyes on him the whole lesson, or rather Professor Lestrange’s eyes. Remus royally fucked up, and he knew Sirius would be laughing if he was here. He’d have to tell him all about this when he gets back. As he and Lily worked on the potions, Rabastan made rounds around, checking all of the potions. Lily had gone to get more ingredients when Rabastan made it to his table.“Mr Lupin, great work.” Rabastan said, eyes flicking to his lips.“Thank you Professor.” Remus mumbles as he feels Rabastan’s hand close to his on the table, he watches as their pinky fingers link, it was risky but worth it. Remus could feel himself going red as Lily came back to the table, Rabastan quickly unlinks their hands.“Good work you two. Mr Lupin, I shall see you after class, to talk about your lateness.” Rabastan says before moving away and going to James’s table. Remus needed a minute to compose himself.“Oh my god!” Lily whispers loudly, she can’t be quiet for the life of her. “Remus, do you have a crush on Professor Lestrange?” Remus shoots up as James laughs from the table next to them- if he could hear, so could Rabastan.“No! Fuck off, stir the potion Lily.” Remus hisses as Lily erupts into laughter, making Remus go even more red, he risks looking up and sees Rabastan’s smug look as he glances down at James’s potion.“Oi Moony stop checking the teacher out.” James calls and Remus shoots a hex at him causing him to jerk back.“Ow! Moony! That was mean!” James yells, grabbing his arm.“Shut up then.” Remus shoots back as James starts to laugh again.Remus takes his time packing up his things, knowing Rabastan is going to want to talk to him. He hopes the boys will forget about him and leave, but clearly that doesn’t happen.“Oi moons hurry up, I need to get to quidditch!” James says coming over to the table and passing him the rest of his books.“Go without me, I need to go to the library.” Remus says as James huffs.“You're such a nerd.” Peter says before dragging James away, the rest of the class clears out and it’s just Remus and Rabastan.“Mr Lupin.” Rabastan starts.“I’m sorry!” Remus blurts out, he shagged a professor?!?“Remus, I didn’t realize you were a student- I would never have done it if I knew- forgive me.” Rabastan starts, he looks distressed.“You said you were going into potions! You didn’t say teaching potions!” Remus hisses.“I didn’t think it was important!” Rabastan whispers back, placing his hand on Remus’s arm.“You’re a professor, I fucked a professor.” Remus groans, rubbing his hand across his face, he freezes when Rabastan grabs the hand on his face and runs circles on his wrist.“Calm down.” He says soothingly, Remus didn’t even realize he was on the verge of a panic attack, I guess heightened emotions near a full moon applies to this too.“What do we do?” Remus whispers, breathing steadying.“We forget.” Rabastan says, hand tracing further down Remus’s arm.“I don’t want to forget.” Remus says, he knows he has too, but he likes Rabastan. He needs someone to take his mind off Sirius, and Rabastan is just so lovely.“I don’t either.” Rabastan says, placing his other hand on Remus’s cheek.“We don’t have to.” Remus whispers wistfully, but he knows they do.“Remus-“ Rabastan starts before he closes his eyes. “Fuck it.” He mutters before closing the gap between the two of them, the kiss was soft but needy, they both wanted this, they both knew it was wrong, but people make mistakes… right?“Rabastan.” Remus mutters as they break apart.“Remus.” He replies, resting his forehead against Remus’s.“We can’t do this.” Remus says, closing his eyes, Rabastan plants a soft kiss to his cheek.“I know, I know.” As Remus leaves the classroom, his phone vibrates, and as he pulls it out, he sees a message from an unknown number. Moved on from me already?-S
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Chapter Five- James“Prongs!” Sirius yells coming into his bedroom one morning. It was a week into the summer before 6th year, Sirius's first full summer at the Potter’s.
“Padfoot, how may I help?” James replies sitting up on his bed, laying his phone down, he was trying to slide into Lily Evan’s dms for the third time this week.
“I have an amazing idea!” Sirius says, grabbing both of James’s hands and pulling him up off the bed.
“You? Amazing ideas? Never!” James teases as Sirius rolls his eyes.
“Let’s get tattoos! You’re Prongs! Get antlers! I’m Pafoot! I’ll get paws!” Sirius says, practically vibrating with energy. James feeds off the energy and matches his excitement.
“That is a great idea!” James says as they both head out of the house and into the nearest muggle high street.“James, are you scared?” Sirius teases as they sit in the waiting room of the tattoo parlor. Sirius is smirking at James, who is practically oozing with fear.
“I don’t like needles.” James mutters as Sirius laughs and pats his shoulder.
“You’re a fucking quidditch player, you’ve fallen off your broom more times than I could count. You can handle a little needle if you can handle a bludger to the ribs.” Sirius says comfortingly.
“Thanks, Pads,” James says smiling up at him. Sirius always knows how to make things better.
“Pete Black?” The man calls, they obviously couldn’t use their own names could they?
“Remu Potter?” A woman calls. Sirius and James share a smile with each other as they both get onto the table, holding hands through the pain. They both exit the tattoo parlor with white knuckles and two tattoos on their hips.
“Why’d you want a tattoo Pads?” James asks as they get ice cream after.
“I don’t know, just felt like it.” Sirius says, shrugging.
“Why’d you make me get one too?” James asks licking his own ice cream.
“So you have something to remember me by.” Sirius says smirking as he steals James’s flake.As James stands in the quidditch changing rooms after a long practice, the Slytherins walk in. James has always been slow at getting changed. Never this slow though, he must have really been lost in thought. He didn’t hear them enter at first but did when he heard a wolf whistle behind him.
“Jesus Christ! James Potter as I live and breathe!” One of the voices says, James quickly turns and sees Regulus, Barty Crouch, Evan Rosier and the rest of the Slytherin team.
“Oh fuck sorry!” James says as he scrambles to get a shirt.
“Nice tattoo you got there.” Barty says eyes tracing James’s hips, where the two antlers lay.
“Oh yeah, thanks.” James replies by pulling a shirt on and grabbing his stuff.
“Where you going, pretty boy?” One of the other Slytherins called, James didn’t know their name for the life of him.
“Does it matter?” James says before leaving the room and heading back to the school.
He doesn’t get far when a hand lands on his shoulder, he turns and sees Regulus. Even he looked confused on why he was going to James.
“Regulus?” James says smiling at the boy, he didn’t know why Regulus made his heart go fast, and why he made him feel on top of the world. But he knew he would do anything to continue experiencing these moments.
“Did you get that tattoo for Sirius?” Regulus asks, eyes not meeting James’s
“No, I got it with Sirius, last summer, I got antlers, he got pawprints. Why?” James asks, brows furrowed.
“Oh.” Regulus says, taking his arm off James, James uses the opportunity to put his hand under Regulus’s chin and forces him to look up, allowing him to meet his eyes.
“Are you alright?” James asks softly, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he wasn’t expecting Regulus to kiss him, it was soft and gentle, if you wasn’t focusing you wouldn’t even realize it was happening. James liked it, but he liked it even more when Regulus deepened it, changing from innocent and sweet to rough and desperate. James decided he liked that even more.
“Oi Reg!” A voice calls from behind. Regulus quickly pulls away, his lips red and swollen, and James was proud to be the one who’d done it.
“Reg you didn’t-“ the voice says, the voice of Evan Rosier.
“Fuck Evan! Don’t tell him!” Regulus says, he sounds panicked.
“Reg come on!” Evan says. James looks confused but then it finally clicked; Regulus had a boyfriend, the guy from the train, that was Barty Crouch.
“Fuck, I didn’t know- I wouldn’t have-“ James starts but it cut off by Regulus holding his hand up.
“Evan, I swear to god, if you tell him I’ll kill you. Do you understand?” Regulus threatens, his voice cold and sharp. For a boy who holds himself like stone, Regulus truly is the sun around James.
“If you break his heart Regulus I will come for you. Do you understand? Barty deserves better. I expected better. Potter, get out of here!” Rosier threatens and James complies. Regulus looked guilty, but the guilt was eating away at James. He kissed someone else’s boyfriend, and he doesn’t even regret it. He would do it again. Doesn’t stop him from feeling guilty though.James fell asleep as soon as he got to the dorm. Peter was in the common room with the girls, Remus was already in bed, curtains closed, so James assumed he just wanted to be alone cause he clearly wasn’t asleep- James could see the phone light. That morning he woke up with an ache on his shoulder blades. It itches like crazy, but James decided to ignore it. He went to the bathroom and when he walked out he was stopped by Peter, who quickly turned him over so his back was facing them.
“James what the fuck?” Peter says shakily.
“What? Am I dying? My back was hurting. I just thought I slept funny! Do I have a rash? Am I bleeding?” James says, feeling his back. He heard Peter swear before calling Remus.
“Holy shit Prongs,” Remus says, eyes wide as he stares at James’s back.
“Can someone tell me what it is?” James yells. Peter pulls out his phone and takes a picture before showing James. He has a new tattoo. A new tattoo at the top of his back saying Brotherfucker. James goes pale at the image as his phone beeps.
He grabs the phone and sees a message from an unknown number. He feels his body go cold when he reads it.Thought it was time for a new tattoo.
Something to remember me by.-S
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Chapter Six- RemusAs we sat at the breakfast table that morning, an unexpected guest joined us. Remus wasn’t sure what to make of this at all.“Peter! What the fuck are you doing here? Come sit with us!” The boy says. It took Remus a long time to figure out who he was, but it was none other than Nick Mulciber.“Sorry mate, I’ll be right over.” Peter says as Mulciber glares at Remus and James before going back to the Slytherin table.“Wormtail what the fuck was that?” Remus asks, staring at the blonde in disbelief.“What? They’re my friends.” Peter says, shrugging.“You told me you weren't friends anymore after what happened!” James hisses and Peter rolls his eyes.“I haven’t done it since!” Peter says, it was so obvious he was lying.“Bullshit.” James says as Peter gets up from the table and heads to Mulciber and his friends, if they were the marauders, they are the Death Eaters.“What happened, James?” Remus whispers as Peter gets to the table.“They stole a couple things from Diagon alley. Peter got caught. His mom had to do a lot to get him out of it. He could have got his wand snapped.” James whispers back, jaw clenching.“Jesus.” Remus mutters under his breath, how could Peter be so stupid?“Remus? I have a really serious question for you.” James says, staring at the boy intensely.“Sure, anything Prongs,” Remus says, grabbing his arm and leading him out of the room.“Ok this may sound, like, really crazy, but after the tattoo I got a message.” James starts. Remus feels his blood run cold, could it be that James had gotten a message too?“It was from someone called -S. Do you think it could be…” James falters at the end, physically dropping.“I got one too. I think it might be.” Remus says holding James up, this was hope, this was the hope Remus had been wishing for. His prayers were answered. Trust Sirius to make a big deal of it and make his return dramatic.“I hope it is.” James says pulling Remus into a hug, James needed it more than Remus.The full moon wasn’t for a little while. Remus wasn’t feeling the effects as bad this month as Poppy Pomfrey had been testing out many different potions which seemed to be working. Remus found that he had quite a lot of free time, he had hope, Sirius was texting him, but it also made him feel guilty. If Sirius knew about Rabastan, Sirius would never forgive him. Remus would never forgive himself. As Remus lays on the bed, the dorm door slams open and Peter enters frantically.“Remus, you need to come with me right now!” Peter yells, pulling Remus off the bed.“What is it?” Remus says following Peter out of the room.“They found Sirius.” Peter says, voice wavering. Remus was overjoyed, he knew that the messages were a way of him revealing himself, Sirius was finally home. His Sirius, his star.“Let’s go see him then!” Remus says as they run up into Dumbledore’s office. Something was wrong, Remus felt his face falter instantly, James was sitting on one of the armchairs, surrounded by his parents, he was sobbing. Minnie was standing next to an unresponsive Regulus.“Where-where is he? Where’s Sirius? Why isn’t he here? Where is he?” Remus blurts out, eyes scanning the room. Dumbledore takes a step forward.“They found his body, son.” Dumbledore says. Remus physically recoils.“No- no. Sirius isn’t dead. He-he isn’t. You're lying.” Remus says, voice wavering. His head was spinning as he grabs onto the first thing he could, which happened to be the fireplace.“Mr Lupin.” Minnie starts and Remus shies away.“No! You're lying! He isn’t dead! He can’t be!” Remus shouts as he rests his head on the fireplace, eyes clouded by tears, he could feel himself getting angry. Sirius was dead. Sirius wasn’t here. His star wasn’t here. His star. His Sirius. Sirius was dead. And Remus could feel a part of himself dying too.“Moony.” James croaks, breaking free from his parents to wrap his arms around Remus. He settled into the hug and started to sob onto James’s shoulder as James sobs into Remus’s hair. Peter joined the hug at one point, sobbing onto James’s other shoulder.They all lost a part of themselves. Sirius was gone. A marauder was gone. They would never hear his laugh again. They would never see him get old and grey. They wouldn’t never see Padfoot again. Moony would never see his best friend. Remus wouldn’t never be able to look up into the stars without seeing his own star. His supernova.The funeral was that weekend. Everyone gathered in a church near the Potter’s. The three of them were given leave a day early, to help prepare. Remus was numb, he never lost his hope, he always knew Sirius was coming back, but he didn’t think he would come back like this. Sirius was found in the forbidden forest by Hagrid who was holding a detention with the first years when Sirius was found, he had drowned. Remus didn’t want to believe it. Sirius loved swimming, Remus had lost all hope. Remus lost everything. James wasn’t any better off, spending all of his time with his parents, trying to make the funeral perfect. He wanted to give Sirius a great send off, one that would be remembered for centuries. The whole school had turned up, all to pay their respects. The three of them had managed to get a front row seat. James really did outdo himself; the church ceiling was enchanted to appear as the Sirius Constellation. Pictures of Sirius were scattered all around: pictures of him and James in the barn three summers ago when they dyed their hair purple; pictures of the four of them together, cigarettes in each of their mouths, Sirius in the middle, arm around the four of them, grinning as he whispered something in Remus’s ear. He wished he could remember what he said. Remus watched as James beckoned Regulus over, it had barely been a week and the boy looked like a wreck, he had lost his brother. Remus took pity on him and discreetly handed him a flask filled with firewiskey, he had it just in case he couldn’t cope. Regulus stared at it for a minute before taking it and hiding it in his pocket. Peter was quiet, he usually was, but he was extra quiet. Remus nudged him with his shoulder and Peter just collapsed his head down on his shoulder, sobs muffled into his blazer. Remus didn’t mind, Peter needed it more than he did.James was meant to give a speech- he had been working on it all week, but each time he put pen to paper he burst into tears.“Sirius was-“ James starts, eyes already filling with tears.“Sirius wa-“ he starts again, eyes wide as he scans the room, eyes landing on Remus’s. Remus quickly sprang into action, going up onto the stage and pulling James into a hug as he sobs into his shoulder, now both of his shoulders are wet. James needed it more than he did.“Sorry.” James whispers as Remus goes to the mic.“Sirius was a star.” Remus starts, sucking in a huge breath.“Sirius was a star, named after one. Acted like one. Everything about him screamed star. He always wanted to be a star too. When a massive star runs out of fuel, the force of gravity causes it to collapse on itself and explode, and the star's remains are fired across the galaxy at a speed of 40,000 kilometers per second. Entire galaxies are outshone by the death of one star. Creating a supernova.” Remus states, disallowing his voice to waver. “Sirius was a supernova, he lived life to the fullest. He shined in every room he entered. He would want to be remembered as the star he was.” Remus finishes, he looks down at James, who was still tucked at his side, staring at Remus wide eyes in admiration. That look alone was enough for Remus to burst into tears and leave the church, he couldn’t do it. Sirius was truly gone. No hope. Remus had nothing left to hope for. As he sits outside the church he wishes he didn’t give the flask to Regulus. He sighs and pulls out a cigarette when a hand lands on his shoulder.“Fuck off Prongs.” Remus mutters turning around and coming face to face to Rabastan.“Oh sorry.” Remus mutters again, dropping the cigarette back into the pack.“Are you alright?” Rabastan asks, his face the definition of worried.“Fine.” Remus lies, voice wavering slightly.“Remus.” Rabastan says softly, pulling Remus into a hug. Remus lets him. Rabastan brings him a sense of comfort, Remus can’t understand it but he is also a selfish man, he is willing to draw this comfort, maybe for once Remus can be the one who needs it more.“I had hope.” Remus whispers into Rabastan’s shoulder, Rabastan draws comforting circles on Remus’s back as he suddenly pulls away, wiping his eyes and cradling Rabastan’s cheek.“We can’t do this.” Remus mutters, moving his finger to trace Rabastan’s bottom lip.“We can do anything.” Rabastan whispers before closing the gap between them, it was soft and comforting, Remus needed it, he needed comfort. Blame it on the daddy issues.Remus and Rabastan break apart after a few minutes. The doors open and everyone pours out of the church. James locates Remus instantly and pulls Regulus and Peter over to them.“You alright mate?” Peter says as he links arms with Remus, he nods quickly.“Sorry, I got a bit overwhelmed back there. Thanks for stepping in for me, Moons.” James says comfortingly, rubbing circles on his arm.“It’s fine,” Remus says as a man approaches them.“James Potter, Regulus Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin?” The man says, they all turn to face him.“Do we know you?” Peter asks timidly. The man just smiles.“I’m Alastor Moody, Auror for the ministry. I understand you were all good friends with the victim?” The man says, Remus can feel himself go tense. It was the funeral for god’s sake, at least give them a mourning period before confronting us.“Yeah, we were,” Regulus says coldly, mirroring Remus’s discomfort in the situation.“I’m going to need to talk to each one of you.” The man says.“We already spoke to the police when he went missing?” James says, brows furrowed, he looked confused, disoriented.“And I intend to go over every one of your statements,” Moody says staring down at them, it felt weird. “This is no longer a missing person investigation, this is a murder.”I can feel myself go cold, a murder? This is police confirmation. Sirius was killed, someone killed him. The coldness turns into piping hot rage, and he grabs onto James’s arm to stop himself from completely going crazy. The moon was tomorrow night, he was prone to anger issues.“Rest assured, I will find out what happened that summer,” Moody threatens before walking away. Leaving the four of us shocked and confused. We all watch as Snape crosses past us, watching as Moody’s eyes follow him to his house elf as he apparates back to the school. Remus’s blood ran cold. Snape hadn’t returned to Hogwarts since what happened. This is the first time he has shown up since the accident two years ago.“Do you think he-“ Peter starts before James nudges him and glances at Regulus.“No. There’s no way.” James says as all of their phones start to beep. All four of them go pale.“Oh my god.” Peter says, staring down at his phone.“It’s from-“ Remus starts.“I got one too.” Regulus says. I’m still here BitchesAnd I know EVERYTHING-S
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Chapter Seven- JamesThey all sat in the three broomsticks that evening, all trying to figure out what the messages mean. It can’t be Sirius. They had just been at his funeral. James had completely designed it; making it perfect for Sirius. He made it exactly how he would have wanted it.“Why was Snape there?” James asks as the butterbeer arrives at the table, it was empty other than them and the barmaid.“I guess he’s back.” Remus says, biting his lip.“What’s so important about Snape?” Regulus asks, clearly unhappy about being left in the dark, in reality, this is the first time they have spoken since the kiss.“The cop acted like we were suspects or something.” Peter says, completely ignoring Regulus’s question.“Do you think we looked guilty?” Remus asks, James wracks his brain- why would they be suspects?“Why would we? We haven’t done anything wrong.” James says finally. Regulus raises an eyebrow but stays quiet.“Except lie about the Snape thing.” Remus mutters, staring down into his glass. The Snape thing was awful.“We promised we would never bring up the Snape thing again, remember?” James says. It was an awful time for them all, none of them needed that to get out again.“It never happened.” Peter confirms, Regulus rolls his eyes but continues to stay silent.“Have you found a way to forget? Because I haven’t!” Remus mutters, eyes finally meeting James’s, he looked angry.“Are you guys ever going to tell me?” Regulus asks finally. They all look at him.“No,” Peter says simply, Regulus raises his eyebrow and sits back in his seat, clearly amused.“I still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, Prongs,” Remus says, ignoring Regulus’s questioning.“It was an accident!” James says grabbing Remus’s hand, he looked like he was about to combust. Sirius was always the one to steady him, and now Sirius was gone. James had to step up now, for his friends. They all stay silent for a few minutes.“I don’t get it. How does -S know things about me that only Sirius knew.” Regulus says, breaking the silence.“Sirius knew all of our secrets, but we never knew any of his.” Peter comments.“I knew some.” James whispers. It may sound selfish but James knew Sirius, he knew him more than anyone. Sirius confided in him, Sirius was James’s person, he didn’t like the accusations being thrown around.“Go on,” Regulus says, James stays silent.“James,” Peter says.“I can’t!” James says, it wasn’t his place, he wasn’t going to share the secrets of the dead.“James, no! You are not just going to drop a bomb like that and not tell us!” Peter says accusingly. James was feeling quite ganged up on right now.“He’d so kill me if I told you!” James says, weak argument.“He’s dead!” Regulus blurts out, he looks frustrated by the whole situation, James doesn’t blame him- they are leaving him in the dark and accusing his brother of things.“Ok, fine. Sirius was seeing someone that summer,” James says. Remus instantly tenses up, they all knew that Remus was in love with Sirius, Sirius was just never in love with him.“I knew he was hiding something from me. From us.” Remus says, quickly correcting himself at the end. James fought the urge to raise an eyebrow.“Well why didn’t he want us to know?” Regulus asks impatiently, he clearly doesn’t like that they knew more than he did. James kept trying to catch his eye as it seemed like he was looking everywhere but at James.“He was an older man, and he had a girlfriend.” James says, and Remus tenses up even more.“Who was it?” Peter asks.“He never told me a name.” James shrugged.“That’s only a half secret,” Peter says, rolling his eyes.“That was more than you ever got from him, Wormtail,” James shoots back, god the audacity.“How was it that Sirius told us nothing, and we told him everything?” Remus asks, eyes finally leaving the table and looking at James. Remus looked troubled, like many different things were playing in his mind. All James wanted to do was reach into his head and fix it for him, because it wasn’t healthy, not before a full moon.“Because he made us feel like we were a part of something special.” Peter shoots back.“We were.” James defends, he didn’t like how Sirius was turning into the villain, Sirius was good, he was different. Just because he was a Black doesn’t mean he can’t be good.“I miss that,” Remus mumbles.“Me too,” Peter mumbles back.“I just miss Sirius.” Regulus mutters. He had been quiet, too quiet. Even for him.James peers down at his arms, tracing the outline of the bracelet Sirius made for him in first year. It was red and yellow with his name on it, all of them got one, even Regulus.“I can’t believe you still wear that.” Peter snorts, and James looks up.“Sirius still wears his.” James shoots back before correcting himself. “Wore.”“When Sirius didn’t come home that night, I knew something terrible had happened. But there was always some part of me that imagined that someday he might just show up.” Remus mutters, looking back at his drink.“I used to think that he’d just run off with some guy, because if he ran off once, he could run off again.” Regulus murmurs, eyes fixed on James’s bracelet. James holds his arm closer to Regulus, allowing him to trace the words on it, seeming to soothe the both of them.“He was laying on the beach somewhere, getting a tan and failing, he was always too pale for that shit. Or out by the pool with that hot lifeguard down in Cornwall.” James mutters, it was a good time, it was the happiest James had seen Sirius in a long time.“What was his name again?” Peter asks.“Fabian.” Remus mutters, eyes still trained on his drink. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.“Who cares! Save me!” Peter mimics and the four of us start to laugh. Regulus was there that day too, it took a lot of convincing. They had bribed the house elf Minxy to kidnap Regulus, he didn’t enjoy it at first but like Sirius, he loved the water. The laughter suddenly stops when the sound of the door opening fills the room. Snape enters, with black glasses on and a cane. That was when they knew. Snape had gone blind. They knew he had before but even magical medicine couldn’t heal him. Snape was forever blind. They watch as Regulus peers at the three of them, eyes wide, they finally catch his eye and look at him guiltily as Peter starts to grab his bag and the rest of them follow as they walk out silently.That evening in the common room, James sits there alone. It was late at night and everyone was asleep. James was alone, alone with his grief and guilt. Somehow it worked as a good combination. He was sitting, staring at his phone, going through the pictures of him and Sirius when a voice freed him from his torments.“Hey James,” Lily says sitting down next to him.“Hey Lils.” James replies, closing his phone and placing it on the table.“How are you feeling?” Lily starts before shaking her head slightly.“That was a dumb question, of course you're not feeling okay.” She says clasping their hands together. James was too upset to even think of the implications, two years ago he would be ecstatic, the girl he loved was holding his hand, but now James couldn’t begin to care.“I’m sorry I didn’t see you at the funeral, I wanted to but I felt like you needed your friends more than me.” Lily says quietly.“Thank you.” James whispers, allowing himself to let out a small smile. He had felt quite overwhelmed in the past week, it was the first time since the announcement that he’s been back in Hogwarts.“You look tired.” James says as Lily leans over and steals his tea, James didn’t mind.“I haven’t got much sleep.” Lily confesses, sighing slightly.“Me and the girls were going through the dorm, we found a few of the boxes Sirius hid in our room. Theychad loads of pictures. He’s everywhere. And the posters-“ Lily starts before James cuts her off.“The posters need to be taken down. It hurts too much to look at them.” James says shaking his head, Lily touches James’s arm softly, thumb laying soft circles on his skin. James still couldn’t feel anything.“James…I’m so sorry.” Lily says before pulling James into a soft hug. It was comforting, but James still couldn’t feel anything but sadness.James couldn’t stay in the dorms, it was crawling with Sirius. He needed a release. James lived and breathed quidditch, nothing comforted him more than being in the air. He guessed Sirius must feel the same now. James was doing loops and tricks around the pitch before he finally descended onto the ground. He had a slight pain in his neck, he really needed a chiropractor. Sirius would always call him an old man, James always had stiff bones. James stood in the middle of the pitch, snitch hovering above. He liked the way the wings fluttered, it was soothing. He watched as the snitch swiftly dodged his hands as he waved them smoothly in the air, feeling more like himself than he had all week. The pain in his neck was getting worse so he quickly grabbed the snitch and put it in his pocket, he will return it one day. As James turns to leave, he sees Regulus walking towards him, broom discarded. Somehow, seeing Regulus like this, looking vulnerable, soft, angelic even made him feel more comfort than anyone’s efforts ever did.“Potter.” Regulus says stopping as he gets close to him.“Hey,” James replies breathlessly, he had no idea why he was so breathless.“Snape is back in the Slytherin dorms. He’s back for good.” Regulus says, and James visibly tenses, causing the pain in his neck to hurt a lot more, making him wince in pain.“What’s wrong?” Regulus asks softly, eyes widening as he glances at James’s neck.“Hurt my neck, it will be fine, it just hurts.” James says as he sits on the ground. Clearly he was going to be staying and chatting for a little while, so he may as well get comfy.“Let me help.” Regulus mutters before sitting on the ground next to James and grabbing his neck, massaging the tension away. James didn’t dare protest, he didn’t want to ruin the moment. To James, it was sacred, Regulus’s hands on him, to Regulus it may seem innocent, but to James it meant the world. Regulus’s touch scorched James’s skin. He truly did touch like the sun. James didn’t want to ruin the moment, as the tension in his neck was slowly leaving his body. Regulus really did have a magic touch.“James,” Regulus whispers, breath hitting the back of his neck, causing the hairs to stand up.“Reg,” James replied, moving slightly as Regulus’s hands moved off his neck. He was cold. Cold without the touch.“It’s Regulus.” Regulus protests and James lets out a breathless laugh. Even when Regulus was being insufferable he still made James want more.“Yes of course. Sorry Regulus.” James joked, grinning as he turned and faced Regulus.“James, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to kiss you. I wasn’t sure what came over me. I know you're in love with Lily and you shouldn’t feel like you have to be nice to me. I’m with Barty, and Evan saw, and it’s unfair to Barty, and I really didn’t mean it.” Regulus rambles, he looks stressed, James wasn’t sure what to do to calm him down.“Regulus.” James says, placing his hands on his shoulders, forcing Regulus to stop and face James. He was flushed, he must have been really worked up about this.“Stop looking at me like that, James.” Regulus says, looking into James’s eyes. James couldn’t tear his eyes away from Regulus’s eyes either. If you looked closely, his cold grey eyes had a hint of blue in it, a blue you could only see if you were close enough. James wondered if he was the only one who had ever noticed it. He hoped he was.“James,” Regulus says again, his breathing settling.“Yes?” James replied, it was the only thing he could think of responding with. If he was honest, he had blocked out most of what Regulus was saying.“Stop looking at me like that.” Regulus says, tearing his eyes away from James’s, he instantly missed the hint of blue he was growing obsessed with.“Like what?” James says, grabbing Regulus’s wrist as he goes to get up.“Like you want me.” Regulus says, not looking back.“Maybe I do.” James says before dropping his wrist and getting up himself. This was selfish. James was being selfish. Regulus had a boyfriend and James was trying to encourage Regulus to kiss him. James was being selfish, Sirius would hate this, he shouldn’t even be looking at Regulus, he owed it to Sirius; the tattoo made it obvious. James was being selfish. He saw Sirius in Regulus, he saw Regulus as someone he needed to save, just like he saved Sirius. But that was a lie, a lie he was telling himself. He saw Sirius in Regulus and wanted his best friend back. But Regulus wasn’t his brother. He wasn’t loud, he was quiet, he wasn’t open and attention seeking like Sirius, he was a closed book and preferred to be on the outskirts. He wasn’t his brother. But James knew that everyone expected him to be. Now more than ever.“James, stop,” Regulus says, pulling James out of his thoughts.“No, you're right. I’m sorry.” James says flexing his healed neck.“James, listen to me. I’m not my brother. You want Sirius back. I won’t be the substitute. I won’t- I can’t. I’m not your best friend. I’m never going to be. So stop looking at me, stop trying to help me. It’s mean. Stop being mean.” Regulus says exasperatedly, James could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to drop. James knew. James knew he was being mean. It was unfair. He was being unfair. Regulus was seeking comfort in James and James abused that.“I’m sorry. I know you're not. I was being mean. I’m so sorry.” James says before grabbing his broom and walking off the pitch, he was being selfish, he was being mean. He needed to do better.As James got to the dorms everyone was asleep. At least, he thought they were. Remus had the curtains pulled around his bed but James could see the light. Peter was the same, but no light. He could hear the sniffling. James didn’t have the energy to try and comfort either of his friends. He walked past the beds and went to the bathroom and locked the door. He quickly cast a silencing spell on the room and collapsed to the floor. Sirius wasn’t dead, James knew that, the text was confirmation. But he had just planned his best friend's funeral. He had attended his best friend's funeral. James was drained. Mentally drained. The warmth and comfort he got from Regulus had crumbled and burned. Everything hit James at once, the pain, the text, the return of Snape, the guilt, the meeting, the uncertainty. James wasn’t sure what to do as he curled into himself, knees pulled up to his chest and his head buried on top, not sure what else to do but cry. He cried harder than he ever had. He cried for everything. He cried about how he couldn’t save Sirius from his parents sooner, he cried about how he never saved Regulus. He cried about how Sirius disappeared just months after he moved in at the Potters. He cried about how he wasn’t awake that night. He cried about how he wasn’t there when Sirius was alone. He cried about the body found in the forbidden forest. He cried about the year he had without Sirius. He cried about the text he got. He cried about how he used Regulus. He cried about how Sirius wasn’t dead, he cried about how alone Sirius must feel. He cried about the fact Sirius had secrets. He cried about it all. He cried for the life he couldn’t have anymore. The life with Sirius. If Sirius was alive. He hadn’t been here for a year, who says he would ever come back. If he was dead and someone was tricking them, how would he live the rest of his life in uncertainty. If only they didn’t have the yearly sleepover in the Potter barn. Sirius was gone, and it was because of James and his stupid traditions.
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Chapter eight- RemusRemus was spiraling. Yes, he knew that Sirius didn’t love him like Remus did, but it didn’t cross his mind that Sirius may have found someone. Maybe that’s why Sirius stopped being, well, his Sirius. Sirius had been in love with someone else, someone who wasn’t Remus. Remus was spiraling and didn’t know how to stop it. The full moon was tomorrow so everything was worse. Remus knew what he needed, but he couldn’t do it. Not after finding out what he did. Sirius wasn’t Remus’s. Not anymore. Maybe he never was. Maybe. He just didn’t want to upset Remus. Remus didn’t know what to do. Remus knew who would know what to do. That person wasn’t here, he was hiding in a phone screen. ‘I’m back bitches!’ Sirius always said that, Marlene taught him the phrase in early third year and whenever he entered a room he would say it. It had become an iconic Sirius catchphrase, he even had a slogan T-shirt saying that on it. Remus stole that shirt from his bedroom three weeks after he disappeared. “And I know everything.” That was scary- Sirius always knew everything. He used to tell Remus the gossip heard, Sirius was a slut for gossip. Remus knew that Marlene had a huge crush on Dorcas Meadowes and thought that her rings were sexy because Sirius told him after Marlene told Sirius. Remus knew that Lily and Mary shared a kiss in second year as an experiment and never spoke about it again, but Mary gained a crush on Lily that day but would always be outshined by James and so never tried anything. Remus knew that because Sirius told him after learning that from Marlene, who was told by Mary. Marlene was just as much a gossip as Sirius, he knew that because Sirius told him. So yeah, Sirius did know everything. He guessed that’s what happens when you're trusted by everyone. It just didn’t make sense to Remus, why would Sirius just reappear. Where was he for a year? Remus didn’t want to lose hope, but it just seemed sketchy. Was someone trying to taunt them? Was someone trying to get a rise out of them? The logical answer may have been Regulus, he was always a dick to them because we stole his brother away. Maybe if Regulus wasn’t such an awful brother to Sirius, he wouldn’t have been stolen. Yes, Remus has a little bit of hatred towards Regulus, but it couldn’t be him because he got a message too. It was a mystery, and frankly, Remus didn’t have time for a mystery. He had homework and a will to live. He read mystery books, people die, Remus doesn’t feel like dying. Like he said, he has homework. Remus really needed sleep right now, the moon was tomorrow, Sirius would still be dead tomorrow, Remus deserved some sleep.Remus was in the great hall when dumbledore released an announcement through the school.“Sorry to disturb your breakfast everyone. May Mr Black, Mr Potter, Mr Pettigrew and Mr Lupin come to my office please?” Dumbledore’s voice boomed through the hall, all of the boys eyes met at they all get up from the tables and left the great hall, eyes following their every move. Nobody spoke, they all knew it was an investigation. As we got closer to the office, Remus’s phone beeped and he froze.“Wait.” Remus called and the three boys all turned to himDead girls walking-S The four of them locked eyes before going back to the office, accenting the stairs to dumbledore’s office, waiting the questioning from the aurors. “So let’s see.” Auror Moody said, file in hand.“You said you heard him scream.” He said pointing at Peter“I said that yeah.” Peter replied, Remus already wasn’t enjoying this, the aurors clearly thought they killed Sirius, Remus wasn’t enjoying this at all.“And when you two woke up, in the barn, Sirius was gone and so was Peter?”“Yes, I woke up before them and I realised he was missing so-“ Peter starts“So you went looking for her?” Moody says, Remus didn’t like the way he looked, he looked menacing, he shouldn’t be questioning us.“That’s what happened.” Peter said, awkwardly smiling at moody. He looked nervous, he was the only one being questioned, Peter didn’t deserve that. Remus reached out and squeezes peters hand, he needed it more than he did,“I got that. So what? Was that a slumber party or-“ moody starts.“Is this an interrogation?” Remus inturupts, he had enough of the questions and accusations.“No, it’s just a routine follow up.” Moody says, eyes scanning the four boys. “Why did you all fall asleep?”“I guess we were all tired.” James says, Remus couldn’t help but wonder why Regukus was here. He wasn’t getting interrogated, he wasn’t even there on the night.“Tired really!” Moody says mockingly“Was that how you remember it Remus?” Moody asks, eyes locking on the boy“Yeah.” Remus replies, breaking out of his daydream.“Yeah, you guys were tired.” Moody mutters. Remus had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at the absurdity of the whole situation.“Look, we’ve told you everything that we know, just like we did the night he went missing. I don’t know what more you want from us.” James says firmly, he clearly had enough of this.“I know, but the thing is, it’s almost exactly what you said last year. Almost like it was rehearsed.” The three of us locked eyes again Remus was still unsure why Regulus was here.“Like James said, weve told you everything we know.” Remus says and stands up, moody lets them.“Mr black, may you stay behind?” Moody asks as the four of us start to grab out bags. That must have been why he was here.“He knows were lying.” James said as the three of them took their seats in potions, Remus was pointedly ignoring Rabastan, if he looked he would break and he wouldn’t let himself do that. Lily had decided to sit with Mary this lesson leaving an empty seat next to Remus.“Lying isn’t a crime!” Peter whispered, Remus rolled his eyes, of corse Peter would know what’s a crime and what isn’t.“It is when your giving false statements to aurors.” Remus hisses back, chopping his ingredients harshly, he was clearly going to fail this potion.“Oh please! We lied about drinking but the truth that matters is that we don’t know anything about what happened to Sirius that night.” Peter whispers, rolling his eyes. His new friends have turned Peter into a different person.“We also know about someone who might have wanted to hurt him.” Remus whispers again, snape was back. It wasn’t a codincidence.“We should have told the truth about the snape thing the night it happened!” James hissed, Remus knew they couldn’t have, Sirius knew they couldn’t have. It was an accident.“I wanted to remember!” Peter hissed back, looking at Remus for a second too long, Remus felt himself tense, they didn’t say it because of Remus, for Remus.“Look guys. We couldn’t have said anything we done the right thing.” James said firmly, Remus could tell that James wanted to say something that night, but he couldn’t.“Telling the aurors now wouldn’t make him see again. Just drop it.” Remus mutters as the door to the potions opens and snape enters.“Ah mr Snape! Come take a seat.” Rabastan says as he reaches the desk. Remus tenses. They watched as snape struggled to find his way around the classroom. Remus couldn’t help but feel guilty as he got up from his seat and made his way to Snape.“Snape? It’s Remus.” Remus said as snape stops infront of him.“Lupin.” Snape says, Snape didn’t know it was us. He just hates us anyways.“Do you want to sit with us?” Remus didn’t know why he was asking, he just felt like he had too, Snape looked like he was struggling, none of the Slytherins spoke to him since the return.“If I must.” Snape replies but Remus could see the tension leaving his shoulders, nobody else would have stepped up. Snape grabbed into his shoulder as they walked to the table, most of the class was silent, not everyday two enemies make peace because one needed help.“Ok your going to be next to me, James will be across from you.” Remus said as he leads snape to his chair. The two boys looked uncomfortable, they all looked at Remus like he was crazy but Remus ignored. He needed to do this.“Thanks. This would have been Black’s away right?” Snape sneered as he sat down,“No, we’re not even sitting at that table.” Peter replies quietly, you could cut he tension in the room with a knife.“He came to visit me after the accident you know. When I was in the hospital wing.” Snape says, hands finding the potion, snape always had a talent for potions, sucks that he wouldn’t never be as good again.“Sirius did?” James questions, James and Sirius knew everything about eachother, why would Sirius hide that he went to the hospital wing after?“Yeah. Everyone misunderstood him, I knew exactly who he was.” Snape said, smile on his face. That made Remus’s blood run cold, what did snape know?“Where were you? We heard that you were in Cardiff, at a magical hospital for the visually impaired.” James says, he was clearly trying to t change the subject, he clearly felt like something was off too.“You can say blind Lupin, it’s not a dirty word.” Snape says, the smile plastered on his face looked fake, snape knew something. The three of us all shared a look, it was silent for a few moments.“Wow. So quiet. You guys used to be the ‘fun’ table.” Snape said as he made his way to the cauldron.“What happened to you guys?” Snape said, laughter echoing around the quiet room, it made Remus feel awful, Snape had changed, Remus had not.