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"Magnus, open the door," Alec shouted, his voice half pleading, half aggravated. Ever since his boyfriend had walked out of the Institute after their fight, Alec had tried contacting him multiple times, only to have every one of his calls go unanswered after ringing for several seconds. So now there he was, at one in the morning, standing at his boyfriend's door, begging to be allowed to enter. When was the last time Alec had to knock? Usually, the doors would fly open when they detected Alec's hovering presence. Though now it appeared Alec was no longer welcome in Magnus's home. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. How badly had he screwed up things between them? And why had Magnus not opened the door for him yet? Was Magnus at the other side, swirling his martini, enjoying watching Alec's slow descent into madness the longer he knocked and begged? The bastard could, at the very least, do him the courtesy of turning him down to his face, Alec thought irritatedly as Magnus's words from last evening echoed in his mind. "You're just like the rest of them," Magnus spat out, hurt and betrayal dripping from his voice, his pain hitting Alec's chest harder than any weapon he had grown up training with. Coming from anyone else, being "like the rest of them" would have been a matter of pride for Alec. After all, Alec had spent his entire life being considered one of them; being a good Shadowhunter was his life's greatest goal, so why did Magnus calling him "just like the rest of them" hurt so much? Alec could deal with others' words and insults, he was practically immune to them, but Magnus was different. Magnus had always treated him gently, always unflinchingly kind to him, even when they had a difference of opinion. Magnus had been supportive of Alec this whole time, then why had Magnus talked to him the other night as if the very sight of Alec aggravated him? Was Magnus mad at him for following his duty? It's not like he would have let anything happen to Magnus. The truth about the Sword coming out would have disastrous consequences for them. The Downworld would have risen in a riot because of what the Clave had done. How could Magnus not understand that Alec was only trying to keep the peace for his people? And what was with this not answering calls business? Alec loved Magnus to bits, but that did not mean he wasn't annoyed by him at this moment. "Magnus, if you don't open this door right now, I swear to the Angel, I will-" "Why are you threatening my door?" a familiar voice echoed through the halls. Alec immediately turned around to see his usually graceful and impeccably put-together boyfriend hobble on his feet as he made his way across the hallway. Magnus's hair was in disarray, his clothes looked rumpled, and he looked beyond exhausted. He was also trying his best to avoid contact with Alec as he walked up to the door, pressing a hand to the sigil and unlocking it instantly. Magnus left the door open as he walked inside his apartment, a wordless gesture to let Alec know he could follow. "I have never seen you not portal into the loft directly," Alec said as he carefully walked into the place he had begun to consider home. "Walking helps clear the mind," Magnus said, grabbing two bottles of water from the refrigerator. Leaving one on the table for Alec, Magnus quickly unscrewed the cap of his own bottle and chugged down half the contents in one go. That was a warning sign in and of itself. Magnus Bane not immediately reaching for the drinks cart? And drinking water instead? "Relax," Magnus drawled, "I have not been body-switched again. Not that you tend to believe me in such situations. The law being the law, and all." Alec let the jibe roll off of him. "You haven't been answering my calls," Alec said, grabbing a seat opposite Magnus's when it became clear his boyfriend wasn't going to be the one to invite him to sit. At this, Magnus curiously pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, frowning at the twenty or so missed call notifications from Alec, "Hmm, so you did," he said before tossing his cell phone to the side, letting it gently bounce off the couch cushions. "I haven't checked my phone in hours. I assure you it wasn't deliberate. I'm sorry I made you worry," Magnus said, still refusing to meet Alec in the eyes, focusing his attention on the burnt patch in the carpet instead. Under the thin veneer of nonchalance, Magnus looked silently furious- with himself, the world, and Alec. Alec yearned to see a sliver of emotion from the other man, any sign that he still cared about keeping Alec around despite everything that had happened. "Where were you?" Alec asked, just a little harshly, after several moments had passed with not so much as a hum from Magnus, "Where have you been all day?" Magnus did not flinch at the shift in Alec's tone, "I was out, Alec," he said mildly, not offering any further explanations, his visit to the Seelie realm and his conversation with their psychopathic queen rapidly looping through his mind. Magnus was drained- magically, physically, and emotionally; and he wanted his boyfriend to leave before he said something he would later regret. "Right, you were out. You just walked out of the Institute in a huff, and after that, I didn't hear from you for hours. Hours, Magnus! Care to clue me in on where you were?" Alec demanded. Magnus regarded his boyfriend impassively, "I think you should go back to the Institute," he said, his voice deceptively calm, "Get some rest. I am sure it's been a long day for you." What with covering up for the Clave and all, Magnus thought. It was his fault- getting in too deep far too quickly with a Shadowhunter. Could he really fault Alexander for not understanding what it meant to be a Downworlder? To be treated like their lives were disposable? Like their rights didn't matter? How often was Magnus expected to let the patented Nephilim ignorance slide? He had been strapped down like an animal, tortured to within an inch of his life, and had had a knife held against his throat while the man he loved looked on with ice in his veins. Weeks after that incident, Magnus continued to have trouble reconciling Alexander with the man in that cell. His lover, his gaoler. Two sides of the same person. Yet, he had moved on from the incident. Magnus had dealt with a lifetime of torture, which was one of the perks of being an immortal warlock. So what was one more time? This time, the torture didn't even extend into days as it had in the past. Sure, he got the odd nightmare on and off, but he could push past it, for Alexander's sake, for their sake. But last night had changed things. Alexander had unequivocally chosen to protect his people, even if that protection came at the cost of the Downworld. Had the information not been leaked, the werewolves, the vampires, and the warlocks would have continued to carry on in blissful ignorance, with no chance to protect themselves from the inevitable apocalypse that Valentine was going to unleash upon them. "I am not going anywhere until you and I have had our talk," Alec said, leaving no room for argument, "You want to yell at me for doing my damn job? Go ahead! But your passive-aggressive bullshit will not drive me out." "I am not interested in yelling at you, or anyone, for that matter," Magnus said evenly, "You did what you needed to do, and that's all there is to it. My people are dying; I am dying. Forgive me for not being at your and your Institute's beck and call today, Alec. Not when you have made your position clear." "I was following orders," Alec said heatedly, "They could have killed me, deruned, and branded me a traitor for uttering a single word. What purpose would that have served?" Magnus scoffed, "But you told your Parabatai, didn't you? You trusted him with that information. Heck, you trusted Clary Fairchild with that information. The girl, who is the literal definition of a loose cannon, knew about the Sword before the man you claim to love did." Alec shook his head, "Clary and Jace are different. They are-" "Shadowhunters, yes? They are your people. I...I think I am starting to get it now," Magnus says, his eyes a mix of agitation and defeat, "You'll let your Inquisitor break protocol and torture a man despite your instincts saying otherwise. You demand a DNA sample from me despite zero grounds and get offended if I don't immediately give in to you.” Magnus shifted his gaze to the ground, pinching his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to break free. Alec didn’t look any better himself. “You expect me to be honest and upfront, but I should not expect the same courtesy from you. Why, you called me dramatic when I felt angry about the love of my life concealing information about a literal death device that would burn my people and me to a crisp!" Tightening his fingers into a fist to rein his frustrations in, Magnus continued, his voice hoarse, "Your Parabatai was alive and well all those months ago, yet you had rained holy hell on everyone for not taking him and his life seriously enough. But should I and mine stand at the risk of being decimated sometime this week, heaven forbid I feel some kind of way about it!" Magnus got up from the sofa and headed to the nearest window, putting some distance between himself and Alec. This confrontation was exactly what he had been looking to avoid. It was becoming too stifling to stay there any longer, to be in the presence of Alec, someone Magnus loved more than words could describe, but also someone who broke his trust, something Magnus didn't give around freely. Alec almost laughed out loud in agony, his heart hammering in his chest, "So, everything you said, all your words about forgiving and moving on- they were all just words, weren't they, Magnus? You never forgave me for the torture incident. You never forgave me for the DNA thing. You lied to my face the whole time!" Alec knew he was being a hypocrite. Even if Magnus had lied about those things, it didn't come nearly close to Alec's deception. Magnus inclined his head, regarding Alec carefully, "Forgiving and forgetting are two separate things, Alec. I can forgive you and accept that you did what you felt was best at the moment, but I cannot pretend those things didn't happen. I can't deny the impact it had on me. And that is my fault, Alexander, not yours. I should have known better than to expect too much too soon out of our relationship." Alec felt the ground shake underneath him, "I know I have my biases, and I know I have my issues with obeying orders, and I'm working through them, Magnus. You have helped me do that every step of the way. Why are you turning your back on me now?" Magnus looked at him sadly, caught between the need to comfort Alec and to stand for himself. "Because when it comes down to it, I'm not sure you'll stand by me when I need you. I was sure once. But Alec, my people will die; I will die tomorrow if I don't find a way out to keep them safe.” Alec felt his stomach turn to lead as the words sunk in. There was a chance they wouldn’t be able to stop Valentine from raising the Angel. If they failed, Alec would lose Magnus forever. Somehow, in his need to keep things running smoothly, Alec hadn’t fully grasped the extent of the threat that loomed over their heads. Magnus continued heavily, “If things go south, you will be unharmed, and, Alexander, I couldn't be more grateful for that! But the Downworlders will perish if I don't put them first, because no one will ever put them first.” The reality of his words clutched at Alec's heart. Alec's actions these last few weeks were valid for a Shadowhunter, but as a partner, Alec knew he had made some wrong turns along the way. But that didn't mean he didn't love Magnus more than his own life. "Magnus, you know I love you; I'll do anything to protect you; how can you not know that?" Magnus shook his head sadly, "Weeks ago, Valentine massacred half of the Werewolf and Vampire population in New York. They were people, Alec. People with families and loved ones, just like anyone else. People who came to the New York Institute to fight with the Shadowhunters. And what did they get out of it?” Alec sighed, “Nothing,” he admitted. Magnus nodded, “Nothing. Not a single word of regret from the Clave. Instead, Imogen Herondale had the gall to try to chip us like beasts weeks later," he trailed off with a bitter laugh. Alec tried to get a grip on his emotions, "How is that my fault, Magnus?,” he asked helplessly, "I understand things have worsened for the Downworld these past few weeks, but what could I have done? My first act as Institute Head was to set up a Downworld Council. I know I haven't done the greatest job maintaining transparency, but that doesn't mean I won't get better at it." Magnus retorted, "You expected the Downworld Leaders to have faith in you, while you couldn't trust them in return, Alexander. We could have worked together, but you decided to unilaterally know what was best for everyone. I won't question you as a leader. You made your decisions, and you stand by them. I can respect that,” Magnus said sadly, seeing the devastation on his lover’s face. When Alec refused to respond, Magnus took that as his cue to keep talking, “But I have a job to do and people to protect, Alexander. Can you honestly see our priorities aligning? The Clave is so scared of the Downworld rising up that it is not even allowing us an opportunity to save ourselves. You expect me to be OK with that?" Magnus’s heart broke for Alec, for the both of them. Him and Alec were doomed from the start, weren’t they? Two people, from completely different worlds, who fell in love with each other amongst all the chaos that was headed their way. Alec was a Shadowhunter and Magnus was a Warlock. They would always have differences in the way they perceived each situation. In this inevitable war that stood at their doorstep, they would be forced to be on different sides, make difficult decisions. Decisions that needed to be taken from the head, not the heart. Magnus really should have known they were but a moment in time. After all, nice things weren’t really meant for people like him. Well, time to rip the bandaid off. It was better this way, wasn’t it? “Alec, I think we should br-” Magnus began, his heart aching as it cleaved into two, only to be harshly cut off by Alec, who closed the distance between them within a few short steps. Grabbing Magnus by the arms, Alec waited until his warlock raised his head to look at him. “Don’t say that,” Alec growled, his eyes red, tears flowing freely down his face, “Don’t…don’t you dare say that. Magnus, dammit…you can’t do this to me, to us! I won’t let you!” “Alexander,” Magnus begged desperately, “Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be. You and I… I was foolish to think we could make this work. It’s all my fault, I’m so sorry, I-” This time, Magnus was cut off by Alec grabbing him roughly by the waist and shoving him against the wall. “You’re not leaving me,” Alec whispered hotly, his lips inches away from Magnus’s, his gaze boring into Magnus’s cat eyes that burned like liquid gold. The fact that Magnus had dropped his glamor was more reassuring than Alec could have ever imagined. It told him all hope was not lost yet. His Magnus still loved him, still wanted him. “I can’t live without you, you hear me, Magnus Bane?” Alec muttered furiously, one hand sliding down to grasp the other man’s waist and the other caressing the fine hairs on the back of his neck, “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, I won’t let you.” And with that declaration, Alec claimed Magnus’s quivering lips with his own. He could feel Magnus shake against him, could feel the other man’s tears fall against his own face. Alec was sure he was crying too, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as their lips clashed together, again and again in glorious harmony. Magnus’s hands moved to his waist, gripping him so tightly that Alec was sure he would have bruises the next day. Not that he cared in the slightest. Alec tasted the salt gathered on Magnus’s lips as they moved against his own, neither of them pausing to draw breath, both scared of what would happen when they would inevitably have to break apart. The spicy scent of Sandalwood invaded Alec’s nostrils, along with the masculine, intoxicating scent of sweat that was unquestionably Magnus, and it drove Alec wild, making him pour all his love and passion into kissing the living daylights out of the man he loved. And Magnus kissed back just as firmly, like he was a drowning man, and Alec was the oxygen he needed to survive. How could Magnus decide they were over? Alec thought, as he ground his hips against his lovers’, their kiss reaching a fever pitch as they gasped and moaned into each other’s mouths. How could the thought of parting ways even cross Magnus’s mind? Didn’t Magnus realize how right it felt, just the two of them sharing a single breath, coalescing together with not the slightest room for air, lips moving together in practiced synchronicity as if their lives depended on it? Alec belonged with Magnus, his heart had known that since the first moment they met, even though his stupid brain took some time to catch up to the fact. He wasn’t going to let anything or anyone take him away from Magnus’s side. And he certainly wasn’t going to let Magnus walk away from him, not while they had a chance to work things out. Eventually, regretfully, they both had to break apart to breathe, but Alec continued to keep a tight grip on Magnus lest he get any ideas about moving away from him. But Magnus continued to hold on to Alec just as securely, his fingers maintaining a bruising hold on Alec’s waist. “Stay with me,” Alec breathed, “Just stay with me, OK? We can figure this out, Magnus. I know we can.” There was a beat of silence as they took each other in. Magnus’s hair was sticking out at odd angles, thanks to Alec running his hands repeatedly through them while they were kissing. Alec’s hair was in a perpetual state of disarray, and he was sure running through the streets of New York on a windy night hadn't helped his case. Both of their faces were red and blotchy with tears. Their clothes were rumpled with all the pawing and grabbing they had done during their impromptu make-out session. Their lips were bitten raw, red and swollen. All evidence of the love they had for each other. Eventually, Magnus nodded in acceptance, “No more lies,” he said finally, his eyes still sad but more resolved than before, “I don’t care how bad it gets, if we’re going to do this together you have to talk to me and tell me things. I’m…I’m a broken man, Alexander, and I don’t…I can’t trust easily. I-” “You have my word,” Alec interrupted, taking Magnus’s hand and resting it on his chest, just above his rapidly beating heart, “I won’t keep things from you again. But you have to talk to me too! No more enduring things by yourself and shutting me out when you’re hurt.” “Only if you promise to do the same with me,” Magnus said solemnly, raising his other hand to caress Alec’s cheek, causing the other man to blush. “I do,” Alec said, looking Magnus square in the eye. His words sounded suspiciously like vows, and well, they had time for that particular discussion. Preferably after they saved their world from apocalypse. Neither of them knew who moved first, but in the next moment, Alec found himself wrapped completely around Magnus, his head resting on his boyfriend’s solid shoulder. For the first time in days, Alec felt like he could finally breathe, with Magnus’s strong, steady presence grounding him in that moment. “I love you, Magnus,” Alec groaned hoarsely into the fabric of Magnus’s shirt. “And I love you, my Alexander,” Magnus whispered, running his hands comfortingly over the other man’s back, “More than life itself.” “Sap,” Alec mumbled, swaying slightly “You’re going to make me cry again.” “Your sap,” Magnus retorted playfully, still refusing to let go. “My sap,” Alec agreed. As dawn broke outside their home, Magnus and Alec found themselves still holding on to each other, whispering promises of love and loyalty, and undying support. Whatever came next, they would face it together.