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“Why you always make a turian drag her ass around Voeld is beyond me, Ryder.”The frozen wind carried her flanged voice to the human, who was crouched next to a pile of debris. Her features were lit by the soft orange glow of the scanner, quickly reading and saving information from the crashed shuttle.“What can I say,” she replied absent-mindedly. “I love you, V. Can’t go anywhere without my buff turian friend.”Ryder could almost see Vetra’s exasperated mandible flicker. Turians and the cold were never a good combination, but Vetra and a human vanguard like her? They were unbeatable. Clearing kett camps also demanded substantial firepower, and Drack was out of commission—postponing medical checkups with Lexi was not an option. Ryder would never admit, however, that deep down—very deep down—she enjoyed seeing the big and mighty “initiative wrangler, provisioner, gunner, and everything in between” whining about two feet of snow. Maybe three.Her life support beeped again. Ryder perked up and glanced at the horizon, trying to find a purple blur.“Peebee! We’re outta here!”“She’s been in the Nomad since we arrived,” Vetra grumbled just behind her. “Back up? Who needs back up anyway?”Ryder got to her feet with a sigh and started to make her way to the Nomad, closely followed by the turian. “Why did I bring her again?”“Something something, a remnant structure.”“Checks out.”The Nomad doors opened with a hiss, and a little yelp came from one of the backseats as they hopped in. Peebee had recoiled to the farthest possible corner of the vehicle, gesturing wildly with her hands.“Shut the doors! Shut the doors! Do you know how much body heat it’s taken me to make this matchbox cozy?”Vetra bristled. “Yeah? The body heat it took us to survive out there with almost depleted life support?”“Peebee, if we’re on the field there’s absolutely no suitable reason for you to stay inside the Nomad.”“Okay, okay. Geez.”Ryder checked the map on her omnitool. There was only one possible path to follow and it was laid out ahead of them—a relatively narrow passage between two frozen cliffs. She didn’t know what they would find there though, making the trip a risk in their current condition, but they were so close already that it was a pity not to at least have a look. Worst case scenario, she would mark the coordinates to come back at a later time—those scouts that Priya asked her to find were already dead anyway.She had only started the Nomad when the blessed quiet—a necessary reprieve from the relentless wind outside—was broken precisely by the subject of their previous argument.“Hey Ryder, remember when we were in the kitchen a couple days ago and Drack and I thought you were going to faint? And then you grinned like an idiot?”A very cold and numbing tingle cracked like an egg on her nape and spilled along her spine. She probably looked like she was about to faint again, but instead of a grin, the best she could do was forcing her features into an artificially neutral expression.She was cool. She had everything under control.“What are you talking about?”Peebee looked positively smug. She unfolded her arms and bent over to excitedly grip the headrest of the front seat. “You had me fooled, Ryder! I didn’t know you had something going on with… whoever it is!”Ryder clenched her fingers around the wheel. It would be so easy to hit the brake right now. “That’s ridiculous. Drop it.”Her voice adopted a confidential tone. “I asked around, just so you know.”Ryder’s eyes rounded like saucepans.“You did what.”She wasn’t even paying attention to the path ahead of them anymore. Vetra was looking at the asari from the corner of her eye, despite her pretense of doing something else on her omnitool, and Peebee was obviously too carried away to care.“First I thought it was Jaal,” she said, clearly enjoying the spotlight. “Then I realized he is just that sappy with everybody. And then I thought: wait. He probably can’t lie, this big beautiful oaf doesn’t have it in him. So I asked him if you were, and I quote, ‘romantically involved,’ because I guessed that if I mentioned casual sex he’d just start talking about feelings.” She rolled her eyes dramatically.“Cut to the chase, Pelessaria.”“So you can imagine my shock when he replied that he didn’t know.” Her voice rose in intensity as she got to the end of the sentence, like she couldn’t believe what she’d found out. “I don’t know Ryder, but he has that annoying angaran sixth sense for this stuff, so if I were you I would stop denying it at this point.”Ryder swallowed, seemingly not realizing that she had slowed down the Nomad. The change of pace hadn’t been noticed by anybody else either, as far as she could tell, but her mind was reeling in a way that she wouldn't have been able to keep up were she going any faster. Her emotional response to Peebee’s third degree was confusing at best and clownish at worst: there was actually nothing going on between her and Evfra. Jaal had been cautious out of ignorance, that’s all.“Haven’t you considered the possibility that he simply doesn’t know?” she asked, her words clipped. “That he’s not hiding anything by saying that?”“Oh yeah but there was this super soldier guy too. Cora said that it didn’t end well though, so I thought about giving up…”“I wish you had.”“But then Drack told me that Lexi had told him that the grumpy angara had been watching your sleep for like, four hours without changing out of his combat armor.”There it was again, the tight and unforgiving grip of anxiety clutching her chest like a vice. The tingle in the sweaty palm of her hands was hard to ignore.Her voice came out with way less confidence that she had intended. “He was watching over Akksul.”“He was fussing over you like a mama bird, Ryder.”Vetra had abandoned all pretenses of being above the gossip. “Are you telling me that not even Lexi could make him get out of that armor for a medical checkup? We’re talking about Lexi T’Perro, right?”Peebee turned to her like a whirlwind. “He was GLUED to that chair, Nyx.”Ryder was on the verge of a really nasty headache, her mood quickly souring by the second as the tattle kept going. There was nothing between them. Absolutely nothing. And it was insulting to think that it could ever be—as if she’d ruin that stupid little thing they shared that could pass for a friendship, or so she thought—and yet she had to put up with some self-indulgent fantasy, some…
It was humiliating.“This is never to be discussed, ever again.”There must have been something out of the ordinary in her tone, because both squadmates got quiet immediately.“It doesn’t matter that it’s false,” she continued, revving up the engine as if in a sudden hurry. “A rumor like this could wreck all the diplomatic efforts we’ve made so far. This is not Sara asking you to stop. This is the Pathfinder giving you an order. Are we clear?”They remained in silence for a few seconds, followed by Peebee’s weak “okay” and a quick apology from Vetra. Ryder had never intended to pull rank, mainly because the quickest way to make Peebee drop something was usually to either ignore her, or to offer her a bigger bone to chew—showing that you cared was the most straightforward way to let her know that she was onto something. This issue, though… Ryder wasn’t about to risk it. There was too much at stake. For the Initiative, for her.
It really sucks that it matters.
“Ryder?”She had been looking mostly at the ground while she drove, searching for clues, but Peebee’s voice made her glance upwards.“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”An architect, of all things, was floating contentedly in the air a mile ahead and they were driving right in its direction. On the one hand, they had discovered what happened to the missing scouts. On the other hand, they were in no condition whatsoever to fight that behemoth—no ammo, no life support, no nothing.To make things worse, the wheels of the Nomad had stopped whirling, but the whole vehicle was sliding over the frozen water. There was no visible end in sight but rocks covered in snow and a kett platform she hoped she could avoid crashing into.Vetra gripped the security harness, as if it being fastened wasn’t enough. “Ryder, stop before it sees us!”“I know, it doesn’t depend on me right now!”As a last resort, Ryder pulled the brake lever while turning the wheel all the way to the left. The vehicle slipped and spun sideways, but still wouldn't change trajectory. Out of options, and already dangerously close to the rocks, she activated the thrusters to try to hasten the turn, putting the platform and the architect behind them as they now started sliding backwards.They’d been spotted, they knew it. Through the Nomad’s rear camera, Ryder could see how the enormous construct had suddenly gone static; its ugly, mouth-like core locked on the vehicle. The camera also showed the platform getting closer, though at a harmless enough speed that the impact would be minimal.Their heads jerked against the headrests as they crashed, and all of a sudden they were still.Short-winded, Ryder turned to them. “You alright?”“Yes, go! Just go!”She knew that hitting the gas all of a sudden with the Nomad on ice would just spin the wheels while making it uselessly stay in place, but as she pushed down more and more on the accelerator to make it gradual, it seemed like the speed they needed was constantly out of reach. A looming shadow started to fall over them just then, and a few seconds later, the architect had landed its three synthetic limbs a few yards in front of the vehicle. A vehicle that right now wouldn’t—and couldn’t—stop.She heard Vetra unfolding her rifle, but that was a suicidal plan in their current situation.“We’re not getting off the Nomad, guys.”“Are you going to intimidate it with the headlights?” the turian retorted.Ryder had to choose between speed and accuracy.Manipulating the wheel as little as possible, she hit the booster.The world rushed past the windows. Like an arrow, they bolted towards the construct as its head slowly unfolded, revealing a glowing energy cannon. Too late for that, buddy. The Nomad went past between its legs, powering through the bumping of a wheel on one of them. In a space of a few seconds, they were leaving the architect behind.“Is it chasing us?” Ryder asked, too focused on keeping the Nomad stable.“It’s taken off, it seems to be thinking about it.” From her voice, it sounded like Peebee was looking through the rear window. “Let’s get away from here asap though, it’s thinking way too much. Maybe it’s buffering.”There would be time to go back to Taerve Uni after giving the remnant the slip. A few minutes passed by until Ryder had the chance to turn right, hitting the gas until the Nomad’s radar stopped displaying the architect within its range. The palpable tension among them simmered down bit by bit, punctuated by the familiar snap of Vetra’s rifle being folded again.The area was unfamiliar to her, though if she recalled correctly, the coordinates that Davja gave her for the old kett camp should be near. In fact, the building she had spotted a few minutes ago looked very much like one. Being as far from a forward station as from that structure, Ryder decided to give it a go—worst case scenario, they could always rely on the Nomad’s life support until they could get back to a safe place.Shaking ever so slightly and trying to control her breathing, Ryder went up the steps and the doors to the prefab building slid open, revealing to them what looked like an abandoned kett lab. It was dark and nearly as cold as outside—they could barely see the outline of the various desks and artifacts randomly scattered around the room. A quick omnitool scan led her to a power panel in a matter of seconds—the place wasn’t very big anyway—and the room lit up here and there, but none of the two solar heaters seemed to respond.“Vetra,” the freezing cold was slowing down her articulation, “would you mind having a look at this and see if you can do something about it?”The turian kneeled next to the heater to inspect it. “I think we should just go, Ryder.”She sounded slightly out of breath, and Ryder didn’t blame her for wanting to leave. They had at most a couple of minutes until their support life would reach critical levels, but the scan had shown a trapdoor on the floor under one of the desks. She’d never seen something like that in a kett structure. If only they managed to make the heater work…A warm, bright light flickered behind Ryder, and she turned around to see Vetra tinkering with a few wires as best as her slightly shaky hands would allow. It would happen a couple times more until it finally settled, making the three of them flutter around the lamp like moths. They took a few minutes to catch their breath, basking in the very welcome heat.“Are you gonna tell us why we’re still here?”“A surprise slumber party, Peebs. You’ve been asking for one for months.”“Ha, ha.”“Seriously, though. I saw a trapdoor over there and Davja wouldn’t have told me to check this place if it wasn’t important. I want to see what it’s hiding or where it goes.”“Is it locked?”“That’s what we’re going to find out.”Using her biotics, Ryder lifted the desk and dropped it a few feet away. A closer inspection didn’t give her much information, and the scan didn’t reveal anything but a simple hatch mechanism. She cautiously tried pulling the handle and the door opened with no problem, revealing a steel ladder and… darkness.“SAM, can you detect any life form down there?”“No, Pathfinder.”Checking that the floor and handrails were in good condition, Ryder turned her bodycam on and slid down the ladder, quickly turning around to light up the room with her flashlight. The chamber was vast, at least three times bigger than the prefab building on the surface. It was full of makeshift cots and bunks in disarray, with a couple of long tables at the back and more than a dozen lockers and crates.Peebee and Vetra landed behind her with a dull thump, observing the room in silence through the mist of their breath.“Is this where the kett… sleep?”Ryder took a few hesitant steps towards the tables, which were cluttered with things she couldn’t yet identify. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”“Those objects are angaran in origin, Pathfinder, not kett.”There were a couple of satchels with astronomy tools inside, a few bottles of nutrient paste—most of them empty—, an old omnitool that had no power. She could see even clothes: a scarf, a glove, one worn-down boot with its twin on the floor just below. It was like a small museum of common angaran mementos, left there as if in a hurry.“They had angaran slaves here?” Vetra asked, taking a lens from an open satchel. “There must be or have been a slave camp not far from this place.”Ryder shook her head. “Ja Niihk is around the corner, but they still must have transported the slaves in shuttles. Maybe this was where they kept the whole workforce for this area of Voeld and redistributed them every day where they were needed.”She glanced at the floor they had trodden on, noticing their footsteps on a thick layer of accumulated dust.“SAM, did the scan tell you how long that nutrient paste has been here?”“Yes. According to its state, at least eight years have passed since it was opened and partly consumed.”Peebee made a half-hearted attempt to hide a snort. “We’re extra late for a rescue.”“I’m going to register the coordinates and let the Resistance know about this. I guess that the families of these people will want to know…” what was of them? They really wouldn’t, if those keepsakes were the only information they had. They weren’t even a very hopeful hint, at that. “Well, maybe they want to recover the personal belongings of their family. Let’s get out of here.”The trip back to Taerve Uni and a grateful Priya was uneventful, and soon Ryder found herself alone in her quarters again. She flopped down on the couch, looking at the white expanse of Voeld through the bay windows as the sun was setting—as much as the sun could set on that part of the planet anyway. Should she send a message to the angaran Resistance Base or tell Davja in person? She had just sent a message the previous times, but this… this was big, actually. There had to be valuable intel in there that they hadn’t dug out—there were still hundreds of missing angara in Heleus, especially on Voeld. They could—Ryder sat up so quickly that she got dizzy.
More than eight years ago?
It was a long stretch, but maybe? There were no records of slave lodgings since the beginning of the kett occupation, as far as she knew. There also were many lockers they hadn’t checked, perhaps hidden places, rumpled bed sheets… She didn’t even know where Evfra’s parents and siblings were captured—maybe they were living on a different planet back then. Finding something that belonged to his family wasn’t so much a coincidence as it was a fucking miracle.Ryder got up and started pacing back and forth. The more she thought about it the crazier it all seemed, but the ghost of that one possibility wouldn’t stop pestering her. Even if there was ultimately nothing related to him, she bet he would want to know beforehand.Sitting at the terminal she opened a new email, wondering how to begin. Only a few minutes had passed when she heard SAM in her head.“The clock is ticking, Sara. Do you need help?”“Oh, for… fuck you too, SAM.”
*****
He was alone in the dim QEC room. The only source of light was the glitching image of the Moshae, with a weary but stern look. Not fully recovered when she started working for the Resistance again, the past few months had taken a toll on her as well. Seemingly larger than life, she was but a woman, and not precisely in her younger years. The incident with Akksul hadn’t helped, as impartial as she thought she was being from the outside.“He’s better now,” she conceded, after the second time that Evfra asked about him. “He has just started physical therapy with one of the doctors.”Evfra nodded. A heavy and almost uncomfortable silence hung between them, making him mentally scramble for a different topic of conversation before it became impossible to ignore.“I never expected that from you, Evfra.”He looked back at her, trying to hide his bewilderment to no use. It wasn’t her words that had thrown him, but the contradictory feelings they had stirred—shame and a tinge of sadness came first, then outrage took over. The unexpectedness of his anger shouldn’t have been a surprise, in light of the recent events, and yet it startled him like he had been ambushed. Anger at whom? The Moshae? Himself?His hands twitched behind his back. Evfra realized that his silence was coming across as an admittance of guilt, and he wasn’t sure that he shouldn’t let her take it as such.“I can’t read minds as of yet,” she urged him on, “although the lack of words is quite telling.”Her words spurred him into action, and he straightened with a faux determination.“I believe I have never done something like that before, and you’re well aware that I… have no ill-will toward Akksul,” he began, relieved that he remembered to use the present tense. “There was much at stake during that mission, it had me on edge.”“You lead the Resistance. You have been in charge of a hundred military operations and that has never made you stumble.”He thought he could hear a very subtle question in that statement, but it was hard to gauge without her field. The accusation revived his irritability, and as he struggled to reply, he became distantly aware that he was angry at both himself and the Moshae—he was behaving like a careless imbecile, but how dared she imply that risking Ryder’s life was worth Akksul’s? His respect for Sjefa was no excuse to not mentally gape at her audacity while berating himself for his foolishness at the same time.His thoughts were running around in circles, like contradictory voices that made a mess out of the only reliable thing he’d ever had in a life at war—his mind. His judgment and common sense, his logic. A sudden emptiness weighted heavily on the pit of his stomach, realizing that some part of himself had been slowly slipping away.He’d been quiet for a long time. When the Moshae spoke her voice still had an edge, but her words had softened.“I’m aware that it’s never been easy, but now it has me worried.”Evfra let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. He was tired, confused—it had been years since he’d felt this lost and weak. He’d say he needed a vacation, if anybody in the Resistance still remembered what that was like. He didn’t want to lie anymore—he just wanted somebody else to tell him what to do.“I couldn’t tell if she was dead,” he blurted out, lowering his voice. Hesitation threatened to leave him speechless again, and he ran off at the mouth to chase that spark of courage. “I couldn’t risk it. His shields were intact, she fell like a—a ragdoll. I acted on instinct, bosama.”Her frown was so brief that he almost missed it, and when it left, the hardness in her features was gone with it. Evfra wasn’t dumb—he knew that she was right to be disappointed in him. He also knew, however, that the most powerful reason she had to bristle at him for having left Akksul in a coma was the love she harbored for her best and most brilliant student.It was her weakness. He could understand that now more than ever, it seemed, even if it was for different reasons.
What reasons?
“This human… you obviously care for her.”He looked away with a dismissive tilt of his head. “She’s capable. And committed.”“And pretty, for a human. Or so I’ve heard.”Pretty? An angara was not cut out to measure human beauty. The colors were odd and mismatched unless observed from the right angle—the blue glow of the holomap crept up her braid, making purple bloom on sunset. The same glow seemed to chase her eyes just as he did, reaching them with a shimmer before going out in a slight bow of her head. No, not the angle… her very presence had its own kind of fieldless radiance, with her emotions etched on the soft edge of her cheeks. He was momentarily wordless, feeling again the response to his own quivering current echo in the flutter of the heartbeat beneath her wrist.Half an instant of awareness threatened to make his chest cave in on itself.“I wouldn’t know,” he snapped under his breath, more at himself than Sjefa.She deflated with a sigh. If there was any kind of compassion there, he didn’t want to take it for granted.“Feelings make you stronger, shongaan. But do not let them distract you.”“Nothing will.”The call was suddenly over, and although they’d been quiet for a long part of it, the silence felt somewhat odd. Maybe it was loneliness, but he had gotten used to it by then. Work had stopped being just a duty a couple of months ago to become a distraction. The second that the day was over and he found himself alone in an office his brain would start making up for lost time, going from what ifs to what if she doesn’ts, replaying moments in a loop like his sanity was tied down by it. It was pathetic.The Tempest had landed on Voeld earlier that day. A relatively peaceful and productive roa until he was notified of it, turning hours of logistics, supply distribution, and strategic placement of their forces into a skutting struggle. She was out there somewhere, she could be here any minute.His omnitool pinged, and he looked down at the interface without lifting his hands from the edge of the desk. He would have thought it was fate if his mind hadn’t spent the whole day priming the chance for it to happen.
Evfra,
I visited one of the locations that your Intelligence Officer asked me to check. We’ve found what seems to be angaran slave quarters under a kett building. They’re untouched and full of personal belongings. According to SAM, the place was last inhabited more than eight years ago.
I thought I might run this intel through you first. You’ll find a video attached to this message.
Stay strong and clear,
R.
He played the video, trying to pay attention through the daze of his mind. His breathing was shallow, blended in the heavy and irregular crack of his field.
She remembered.
He’d had no reason to expect that she would—not a comment made in passing, much less when it had been laced with dismissive hostility—but she did, and something that felt like remorse knocked at the doors of his conscience. Few people would have shown any interest in that, and a lesser number still would have gone through the lengths of feeling actual hope for what was very obviously a lost cause. The tone of the message wasn’t pitiful or condescending either.Ryder was a friend to him. No decent person would taint a genuine friendship with an odd and definitely unwelcome fascination, even if it was of course a product of reconciling her good heart and her alien features. She was exotic, trustworthy, capable. And he was a lonely fool.Going there would be a waste of time, he hadn’t lost his mental faculties so much as to believe otherwise. Even if there was something he could recognize as his family’s, what would that mean, exactly? It wouldn’t be a lead, just a painful reminder of his loss. The best thing he could do was to send a reply thanking her for reaching out and issue an order for an available recon team to recover those items.There was no doubt that it was useless. A small part of him, however, yearned for a private—if brief—moment of goodbye. Evfra cringed at the idea, especially since he had already given himself closure, but there was something about the last and only chances in life that made you choose between seizing them before they passed or leave you with the regret of having let them go.He heaved a sigh and turned around to exit the comm room, checking that he was well off the clock already.
I can’t believe I’m about to do this.
His steps took him to the armory as he was calling Ryder, who answered almost immediately.“Evfra?”Her voice sent a jolt through his chest. He bit his tongue just in time to stop a curse. “Ryder, thank you for the intel. I need the coordinates.”He opened his locker and started taking out several parts of his armor, waiting patiently for her to reply.“Do you… intend to go there alone?”“Yes.”Another pause. He couldn’t see her—it was just a voice call—but he knew the woman well enough to know that she was up to no good when she went quiet.The reply came slow, but determined.“No, you’re not.”Evfra stopped mid gearing up. He’d surely heard wrong.“What?”Some noise came from the other end of the line: drawers opening and closing, things bumping onto surfaces like she was in a hurry. “I said—” something clunked on the floor as if dropped, and his translator didn’t pick up whatever she mumbled. “I said that you’re not going alone anywhere. In fact, it’s a piss poor decision if you ask me, which you didn’t, but I can’t in good conscience—"“Ryder,” he snapped. It gave her pause, and he took that moment to attempt to make a believable impression of a man who wasn’t exhausted. “I do not have time for this. Send me the coordinates and I’ll be on my way.”She was undeterred.“Listen, I know that you’re going to go on a shuttle. Resistance shuttles don’t have stealth systems, you’d become an easy target for literally any patrolling kett unit. I hate to break it to you, but you can’t defeat one of those on your own.”Evfra sat on one of the benches of the changing room, all geared up but for his vambraces. She was right—kett forces had reached unprecedented low levels of activity on Voeld since the beginning of the war, but it was still a risk he couldn’t afford to take. Neither him nor anybody who didn’t have a death wish, for that matter.“Sure, you might be lucky,” she continued, “but it’s a hell of a gamble. The Nomad is nearly undetectable in its white paint job, and it could take us there quickly. If you need, uh… I don’t mind waiting for you upstairs. I won’t bother you. I promise.”She sounded earnest despite her hesitation. The idea of giving up that insane and futile plan crossed his mind just then, but Evfra set it aside as quickly as it occurred to him. He was already geared up, right? He was also done working for the day, and he probably wouldn’t sleep for a few hours anyway if he got back to his quarters. He was just being practical.“Alright. Where should we meet?”Ryder seemed to be taken aback for a moment, but snapped back easily. “I’ll send you the coordinates for a place not far from Taerve Uni and we’ll make our way from there.” She paused. “Thanks, Evfra. See you soon.”Silence, again.He rubbed at his face, wondering why or how he felt like he always ended up caught in Ryder’s orbit like that. It was bad enough that he’d agreed to do something so stupid, but he’d hoped to at least have no witnesses to it.Luckily, he didn’t come across anybody he personally knew on his way to the shuttle, and he took off on the smallest one he could find with his personal authorization. His movements would be registered in the CCTV system and that wouldn’t be a problem—what he did in his scarce free time was his own business. It was just a relief that he didn’t have to waste time on small talk.The trip was short—too short, perhaps. His heart would stubbornly beat faster the closer he got to the meeting point. Telling himself that it was nothing and that it would soon be over did very little to soothe his nerves. Yes, nerves: there was no point in denying it, as absurd as it was. Admitting an unreasonable little infatuation that would never go anywhere was harmless. There was enough to fight against in his life to add himself to the list as well.From above, the Nomad’s camouflage was truly almost perfect in the snow, only broken when Ryder lifted the door to come out as he landed.By the time that Evfra had shut down the engine and got off the shuttle she had leaned on the rover to wait for him. It never got entirely dark at this latitude, but it was enough to make the northern lights glow brighter than before as they floated down to kindle the snow. They cast a soft halo off her braid in the same touch.He didn’t know what to say for what felt like an endless moment—he’d been flying through a frozen, colorless wasteland and found a solitary sunbeam.She smiled tentatively.“Hey.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She was never going to get used to seeing Evfra in armor. He was unmistakably the same person—the same scowl and distant attitude, matching his homeworld as if it’d grown inside him and never left—but it always felt like she was witnessing a different part of him. It meant a different place, a different time, a different occasion for them to be themselves in a way they hadn’t experienced before. It was all wishful thinking born of a dumb and hopeless crush, but trying to ignore it had become exhausting. It would be fine, as long as she didn’t act on it. Right?She cleared her throat. “Glad you could make it. We’re lucky that the weather is calm today. Uh… tonight.”“We should go.”Taken aback at his curt reply, Ryder could only watch him head to the other side of the Nomad and get inside. She snapped out of it and hurried to do the same, trying to get her bearings. Okay, don’t take this personally. He’s especially grumpy today, he didn’t want me on board.She started the rover. It’s fine, this is fine.Ryder was already familiar enough with the area that it was easy for her to avoid kett camps and settlements. Forcing herself to drive like a normal person was a challenge, though—almost as much as keeping her mouth shut.“Did you know there’s an Architect south-west of here? We almost tripped over it a few hours ago.”He turned his head almost imperceptibly, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. “Yes. I thought that the Initiative did their recon from shuttles.”“We do it all on foot. Shuttles would become a target too easily.”He looked away after what vaguely resembled a nod and they fell into an awkward silence. Ryder didn’t bother trying to break the ice for a third time. Hah. Break the ice.The trip through the white expanse—a bit less blinding now, thanks to the low light conditions—went by surprisingly quickly once she resigned herself to be quiet, and Evfra looked the slightest bit more relaxed by the time that they got to their destination. Or maybe he wasn’t; too difficult to tell with that man.The place looked exactly how they’d left it, and since her scan didn’t pick any hostile presence, she turned the heater on and led him to the trapdoor. Ryder had chosen her words way before they ever got there, and yet, a stupid wave of nervousness washed over her like she hadn’t prepared anything to say at all. She didn’t even know what to do with her hands—the best she could do was to stand at ease as if she’d asked permission to speak freely.
Jesus Ryder, act normal.
“I’ll give you some space. I’ll be here if you need anything.”Evfra stared at the ladder for a few seconds until he seemed to make up his mind, nodding at her before sliding down the handrails to the basement. Ryder went back to the heater, thinking that it was perhaps a good moment to catch up with the nine emails flagged as “URGENT” blinking in her omnitool UI. With any luck, it would distract her from the last twenty minutes of awkwardness.The place wasn’t unguarded. She had taken the time to place a few motion sensors along the front side of the building, half buried in the snow. One could never be completely safe out there—less so when the leader of the Resistance was in an incredibly vulnerable position. Come to think of it, this whole thing might have not been a very good idea, but it was too late to turn back. Besides, it’s not like they’d caught any eyes on their way there. It would be alright.The silence was eerie, only interrupted by the occasional locker door opening or closing and some rummaging. Oh, fantastic, another passive-aggressive email from Tann. She’d wonder what had crawled up his ass but then again, a more fitting question would be when—“Ryder, come down here.”It sounded more reluctant than urgent, but she didn’t waste time climbing down the ladder anyway. She found Evfra with his back turned to her, crouched in front of some sort of crate behind a table.“I’ll be here until my next vesaal if I try to do this on my own. Can you help me?”He didn’t turn around to talk to her, but it didn’t matter. Having to ask for help had to be taxing enough for him—the same person who had objected to Ryder being there since the beginning. His field felt cold, somehow, like a frozen current that was still lightning fast, and she approached just tentatively around the table.“Sure thing. What should I look for?”“Any gosevnera clothing. The names Mira or Tsaan.”“Gosevnera? That didn’t translate.”He stood up and started browsing something on his omnitool as he turned around to face her. Ryder resisted the impulse to step back as he got closer, feeling her heart race for no logical reason—because it’s obvious that he was just going to show her something on the extranet to answer her question. He was so tall, though. Not as much as Jaal or Andraknor, but he had at least 8 inches on her.Somewhere in the nervous fog of her mind Ryder registered that she could barely feel his field anymore. It was there, definitely, but mellowed out.Standing next to her, his omnitool displayed several pictures of the same plant. It looked like a vine hanging from snowed mountain cliffs—its flowers were grouped in bundles of small twisted trumpets falling in cascade, a dark and purplish indigo in color. Their inside was peppered with tiny white mots that seemed to glow in the dark in some of the pictures. It could’ve perfectly been the love child of a grapevine and an alien-looking foxglove, and Ryder took a moment to admire how beautiful and foreign it was. Not the flowers themselves—though they were beautiful—but the way that they clung to frozen ridges despite the inhospitable weather and dressed them like a mantle, as if the earth itself was trying to keep warm.“We came to name the color after this plant,” he said, zooming in on a high-resolution picture. He made a pause, like he was looking for the right words. “It’s one of my family colors.”Ryder felt almost giddy to know that. It was very obviously not a secret or anything, but it was the kind of thing she wouldn’t have imagined him sharing. With her.“It’s beautiful. I bet it suits you.”Not adding anything to that he just resumed what he was doing, half turning his back to her again. She knew not to prod anymore.Almost an hour went by while they swept the room in silence, only interrupted by their rummaging and Ryder’s trip upstairs to warm herself up next to the heater. She tried to not get discouraged as the minutes passed and neither of them were able to find anything—they’d known from the beginning that it was a long shot. It still stung though, partly because she felt responsible for inspiring a hope in him that might have cost him many years to stomp down. If he was upset, however, she couldn’t tell, which said a lot about his usual demeanor.As they shared the same table to empty the contents of a couple of satchels, she caught herself opening her mouth to ask about the plant, then immediately shutting it. It was probably not a good idea to insist on the topic—for once her curiosity shouldn’t get the better of her.“Ask.”The question startled Ryder, and she did her best not to wonder for how long his eyes had been on her. Feigning nonchalance, she took what looked like a compass out of the bag and put it aside.“I know gos is rock, but what does the rest mean?”Evfra stopped what he was doing for a moment, seemingly lost in thought.“Stars, I’d say.” He made a pause, his frown a sign that he was looking for an explanation that she could make sense of. “It’s a dialectal word, but not a noun in that context. ‘Starry stone’. It only grows on an equatorial mountain range on this planet, hence the dialect.”Ryder was mighty interested in Voeld’s flora, but most importantly, this was the first time ever that they weren’t talking about the kett or the Roekaar, or any related topic. It felt oddly casual, like they were being just… normal people. Like another wall was down and she was discerning a bit more of the person behind it. It was wishful thinking—she knew that it was wishful thinking—but she had already run out of fucks to give.Another rush of nervousness overcame her as she tried to ignore how dangerously low her life support was again, but she’d rather die of hypothermia than admitting the need to interrupt that conversation any time soon. The slight shakiness of her hands was still under control.“There’s a flower of a similar color in my homeworld,” she said, getting a bit closer to show him her omnitool. “It’s nowhere near as beautiful, but you can extract its pigment.”“Can you do that with all the colors?” he asked, pointing at pink and violet indigos.“The dye is always blue, as far as I know. Granted, I know very little.” She gestured at the holo: “Your gos… uh…”“Gosevnera.”Ryder couldn’t see it from where she was standing, but his voice seemed to carry the vague hint of a smile.She looked up at him almost over her shoulder, and though there was no smile, his expression was… relaxed. At ease. He still looked tired and slightly sleep deprived, but there was a stillness in his features that she’d never seen before. What did he do to unwind? Did he take some time to take care of himself at all? How long had he been keeping that up?Her concern turned to bashfulness as he met her gaze, and she quickly whipped her attention back to her omnitool. Jesus. Had she been staring?She cleared her throat. “Gosevnera, yes. It’s a bit more purple than indigo, and darker. You angara choose the best names for everything, did you know that?”He moved away, busying himself again with the contents of the satchel. “I do. A scattered nation of poets united under the single banner of war.”The moment was broken just like that. Ryder exhaled a shaky sigh, having almost depleted her life support and lost all feeling in most of her fingers. Was their conversation over already?“The heater should keep you some company for a while,” he said, not without kindness. “Your lips are turning blue.”Shit.Ryder nodded, mumbling that she’d be right back as she climbed the ladder. It was a slow and clumsy process, but the warmth of the lamp wrapped her up better than the coziest blanket and she sat next to it, sunning herself like a lazy cat. Who would he have been, had this war never happened? As the feeling came back to her limbs, her thought process got quicker, hopping from one possible scenario to another.She stood up not long after that, shaking her head. In the end, speculations about a hypothetical present were a waste of time when there was a future ahead of him. A real future—a life for himself that she was ready to fight tooth and nail for.
***
For a couple of minutes Evfra had completely forgotten why they were there. It was a dizzying feeling for someone who wasn’t allowed to just forget about anything, yet there he was—hands on the counter and mind somewhere else entirely, not paying attention to any of the dozen mementos that cluttered the desk in front of him.There was a genuineness to her that he hadn’t found in any of the other aliens. Her people often didn’t say what they thought, or hid what they truly meant behind diplomatic circumlocutions and layers of semantic verbosity. It was tiring, and it left him with the feeling that he was being taken for a fool. Ryder respected and trusted him as an equal, but the other aliens only respected him as the other. While he could understand distrust, he couldn’t tolerate the pretense that it wasn’t there.The room felt somewhat darker after she was gone.He wished he would’ve had ten other excuses to come closer—maybe to forget who he was for a few more minutes, playing for time until he couldn’t ignore real life anymore. He wished he could keep the memory of her scent carved in the deepest recesses of his brain, as disturbing as it might sound. Nobody would know that anyway.Shots were fired outside.The old coin he was holding fell with a clang on the desk and he bolted to the ladder. Their assailants only gave him a brief moment of respite as he crouched by the wall Ryder was leaning against, protecting herself from the heavy fire. There was glass and plastic scattered all over the floor, and the multiple shots echoed throughout the room in a deafening rattle.“Are you alright?”“Yeah, I’d hidden a few motion sensors, but they didn’t beep fast enough. I shouldn’t have been taken by surprise.”Evfra peeked through the corner of one of the windows, withdrawing almost immediately as the fire resumed. He reached for his assault rifle with a curse.“Skutting kett. Did they know somehow, or is it just bad luck?”“They were probably monitoring this place since we activated the panel earlier today. Rookie mistake on my part, but we really needed the heater.” She grabbed her shotgun, checking the ammo. “Alright, so here’s the plan. they’re not going to storm the building, so we get out and get to cover behind the railing. I charge against them and you cover me from there with your rifle.”What. Had she lost her mind?“I know what you can do, Ryder, but those are almost a dozen kett.”She grinned. “Fish in a barrel.”The situation was slipping out of his control faster than his lack of sleep could handle. “Fish in…? Wait, no—”She was already on her way to the door. “I’m counting on that AR!”Evfra barely resisted the impulse to groan. While it’s true that they didn’t have many options, there was surely a better idea than facing a full kett dropship head-on. He could only follow Ryder outside and take cover next to her, his mind scrambling to produce an effective strategy besides “hoping not to die in a reckless attack”—and failing miserably. The plan was doomed from the very beginning, but there was a huge difference between not expecting to find a reminder of his family and being ambushed by kett. As the bullets flew over his head, he wished he could go back to being annoyed at what was originally just a waste of time.The whole thing had been a mistake.The kett were just starting to scatter to flank them when he felt a strong current of dark energy coil around Ryder. His own field was oddly pulled to hers, running along her biotics and crackling softly around her. She directed a last glance at him before tightening her grasp on the shotgun, her eyes reflecting an intense purple shimmer.Evfra couldn’t exactly describe what happened afterwards. Space seemed to bend around her as he tasted the slight vertigo of its pull. His sight wasn’t fast enough to follow when, less than a second later, a bright detonation cracked loudly in front of him. If he didn’t know any better, he’d thought she had just teleported.Four kett were literally sent flying, landing at least ten feet away from a glowing Ryder. She stood amongst five other staggering troopers and a Destined, and just like that, his soldier training kicked in.He opened fire against the fallen kett, taking out at least a couple of them as Ryder slammed a radiant fist onto the ground. The other two who had barely gotten on their feet died immediately, thrown back by the blast. Another two—including an Anointed—were knocked down, losing their shields, and the rest ran to cover behind the shuttle. Evfra shot at the Destined and missed just before they cloaked.The odds were not good. The blood was warming a snow that had turned blue in random splatters, and as he tried to focus on flanking the ones still standing, he was half a second too slow to notice the fishing thread-thin red beam zeroed in on his chest. Dodging to his right, the shot impacted on the upper part of his arm, not high enough to be covered by the sturdier shoulder plate. The bullet pierced his shields and vambrace like it was nutrient paste.For a few seconds he only heard the wind blowing in his ear and the muffled sound of gunshots. His crazy adrenaline levels weren’t enough to dull the sharp pain that coursed through him like lightning. With a deep breath and a curse, he came to his senses again and unloaded the magazine on the sniper, sprinting towards the Destined—who had just decloaked behind an unexpecting Ryder. Grabbing his shotgun, he opened fire until he went down, almost at the same time that the Anointed fell on the snow with a dull thud.The silence was deafening now, only broken by their panting and the relentless air currents howling against the shuttle. It all had happened in less than a minute, but somehow the universe had fit an eternity in that timespan.She was out of breath, bruised and bloody—mostly kett blood—but otherwise alright. A stray lock of hair was loosened from her braid now, still bearing the shimmering aura of her biotics. She quickly turned to Evfra, scanning him before she even finished asking how he was.“A sniper shot me, but I’ll be fine.” He suppressed a grimace, feeling the burn of the wound now more than before. “Medi-gel will be enough.”With a quiet stay still she moved to have a look at the back of his arm.“The bullet is still there.”“It’s noth—”“As I’m sure you well know, Pathfinder,” SAM interrupted, “removing the bullet is not always the wisest course of action. However, this one is not near any significant piece of vasculature or nerve, so it would be safe for you to take it out.”He was about to protest again, but the AI didn’t give him the chance. “It will improve the effects of the medi-gel, prevent a possible infection from breaking out, and ultimately minimize Mr. de Tershaav’s discomfort until he can be properly treated by his doctors.”Evfra wanted to refuse the help, but he’d been in enough battlefields to know that the longer that the bullet stayed there, the worse it could get. They’d have to leave the place as soon as possible regardless—their relic-searching endeavor had been, unsurprisingly, a bust, and the kett would be missing their squad soon enough.“Let’s get inside, yeah? It’s not a good idea to stay in the open.”The golden heat of the lamp was cozy and welcoming even for him, sitting on the floor not too far from it. He removed his glove, vambrace, and shoulder plate while Ryder was looking for the rover’s first-aid kit, noticing that the bullet had pierced the weaker mesh between the two armor pieces. That’s some dumb luck. A quick glance at the many old scars in his arm sparked a pang of self-consciousness that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Firaans and bullets change any soldier in more than one way.The doors slid open and Ryder kneeled next to him, leaving the kit on the floor to rummage through it. She interrupted herself to have a good look at the wound, and all he could do was to look away.“Alright, so I’m going to apply some local anesthesia. You’ll probably feel—”“Don’t waste it, I’ve been here a hundred times.”She stopped in her tracks for a second, thrown by his answer. He could guess that she was looking for a response that wouldn’t rile him, and whether she found it or not, the syringe was in her hand a few seconds later.“I’ll use it because I have it. Let me save you some pain if I can.”Her tone was kind, but it obviously didn’t admit a retort. Evfra stifled a sigh at her stubbornness. She was surprisingly efficient, taking not a second longer than necessary in cleaning the wound and removing the bullet with a forceps. Her work had an admirable balance of determination and gentleness. Reading the tag on the medi-gel package, her posture relaxed a little.“All things considered, today’s your lucky day. If this had expired I would’ve had to suture the wound.”He tried his best not to stare at her gloveless hands like a fascinated idiot. Focus.“You do this very often?”His temporary nurse hummed in contemplation as she applied the medi-gel. “I’m no medic, but I’ve done this kind of thing more than a few times on the field. I wasn’t the most… skilled or resourceful soldier in combat, so I wanted to make up for it by being useful in other ways.”“Did your superiors reprimand you for your work?”Ryder hesitated. She seemed to realize that her hand was still on his arm as the medi-gel did its job, and she removed it somewhat awkwardly. “Uh… yeah. Sometimes.”He missed her touch at once. He wanted to take her hand and leave it where it was, the intensity of the thought almost paralyzing. Instead of following that impulse, he just nodded. Among the hundred truths he had the good sense not to say, this one he wouldn’t regret afterwards.“You’re a fearless warrior, Ryder. If they don’t want you in the Milky Way ranks, you have a place in the Resistance.”Her breath hitched almost imperceptibly—he might not have noticed, had he not been paying attention—and a deep blush crept up her neck. Had he said something embarrassing in her culture? She schooled her wide-eyed expression into something more neutral, but it was a bit too late.She stuttered. “I uh… Evfra, that’s…” He wanted to nuance his offer, give her an out, but he couldn’t find the words himself before she continued. “This means the world to me.”He tilted his head slightly. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”“No, there’s no ‘but’. I need to be the Pathfinder right now, but my brother will wake up sooner rather than later. I hope.” She wrung her hands a little. “I’ll take you up on that offer if it still stands by then.”He nodded, understanding her position. Was she expecting to be fired? Or was her brother better trained than her for the role? Whatever it was, the implicit question answered itself. It wasn’t just the power of her biotics—the Resistance would always respect and value her courage and the kindness of her heart over skill or blind obedience. Soldiers were living people, not guns.“We should leave before they send reinforcements.”She hurried to put away everything in the med-kit again, muttering an affirmative answer. They were getting on the Nomad less than a couple of minutes later, driving back to Taerve Uni as the horizon got ever so slightly brighter. Evfra usually couldn’t help but spare a minute to appreciate the change brought to the planet through the activation of the vault—one was rarely witness to a miracle that went on for days—and yet, he had lost all his focus to a sudden heaviness in his chest. The futility of it all. The only thing he could anticipate and he had chosen to be stupid enough to disregard it.Ryder’s voice sounded small over the soft buzz of the engine.“It’s a pity we didn’t get to finish exploring the whole place, we were so close.”“Nevermind.” He looked out the window, considering if he should go on or not. It didn’t really matter. “I appreciate the help, but it was all a ruse to lure us there.”“Those items were truly angaran. It was worth a try.”“Still a foolish endeavor.”She bristled at that, clenching her many fingers around the wheel. “Look, I know where you’re coming from, alright?”He frowned. “Resistance HQ?”Ryder looked baffled, and—Ancestors knew why—for a moment he wasn’t sure if she was about to smile or to smack him. Her expression softened with a sigh.“It’s an idiom. I mean that I understand why you’re saying that, but it’s not fair to you. Now—no, stop right there.” He shut his mouth again. “So, okay, what if it was a foolish endeavor? That’s what love does to you. It’s a comfort to know that you tried, and some part of you would’ve been miserable if you hadn’t.”“You don’t know me.”“I know family.”He turned his head to look out the window, wanting desperately to be angry at her insolence but getting angry only at himself as he tried. Her reasoning was pretty much the same as his own just before he called her to get the coordinates. He should have just been above hope and nostalgia. He wasn’t supposed to want anything back.“My mom died. My dad died too. If my brother was out there… I probably would’ve got myself killed at this point, I don’t make smart decisions.”She hesitated a bit, maybe concerned about choosing the right words.“Another Pathfinder would have replaced me, but the Resistance has always needed you. This was the only chance you’d ever got.”Evfra fell into a dumbstruck silence. He remembered Jaal’s early reports—he had always known about her family. It was just intel. A few seconds was all it took, in that brief trip between two points, for him to shape what was once faceless data into a years-long living struggle against loss.She was an orphan. She was also the Pathfinder. And by allowing herself to feel, deeply, she was somehow allowing him to do it too.Vulnerability weighed on the pit of his stomach as he looked at her. She barely seemed any more rested than him, accentuated by what to any other angara would be a colorless skin. The distant roofs of Taerve Uni were already peeking over the snow, and he was suddenly filled with a sense of urgency that he didn’t know how to soothe—the time was up and she had lost sleep to help him out. He let his field touch her arm gently as the settlement grew closer, up until the moment that the Nomad finally stopped next to his shuttle.He wished that the cold air outside would have helped him think any better, or any faster.“Thank you.” It’s a good thing I wasn’t alone for this. I like spending time with you. You’re leaving Voeld now, but you’re not leaving me.“No need to thank me, I’m glad you let me be there.”A strong gust of wind blew that stray lock of hair across her face. She put it quickly behind her ear but the motion never stopped—following her braid over her shoulder her fingers started fidgeting with the tip. Evfra was just about to wonder what could be making her so nervous when he realized that the feeling was oddly mutual.“Anytime, okay?” she finally said, now struggling to make eye contact. “I don’t mean just—” a vague hand motion. “Tactical stuff, but. You know. If you ever need to talk, in general. Ping me, yeah?”Evfra had an enviable control of his field, but her genuineness took him by surprise once again. His chest had become a constellation of knots over the past fifteen years, and as she managed to undo one after another, soft currents now unbound made their way to her of their own accord. He wondered how much of them he was willingly letting go, if only because he couldn’t do anything else.A rosy blush spread across her cheeks. She smiled, and it was softer than any time before.“Is this how a normal field feels like, too?”An almost dizzying feeling coursed through him. She knew, somehow—she’d been learning his language on her own. For how long? How much did she know, exactly? She timidly lifted a gloved hand to feel him and he swallowed, noticing that his feet seemed to be pinned to the ground. He should leave, he should leave now, but she looked up at him again—Her omnitool went off.Ryder let out a startled gasp, shortly followed by something that sounded like a curse. Barely mumbled and slightly out of breath, his translator didn’t pick it up.“Yeah?”“Ryder, where…?”—it was a woman’s voice. She sounded sweet, but concerned. “Are you alright?”She shifted a little on her feet, clearly resisting the urge to pace. “Yes, I’m great. What is it?”“Kallo’s getting antsy, we should’ve taken off fifteen minutes ago. You need a pickup?”“No, no need.” Her answer almost interrupted her. “Thanks for the heads up, Suvi, I’ll be there in five.”The call somehow awakened Evfra’s motor functions, and he took his chance to calm himself down and open the shuttle. Before he got in, however, both of them had the same idea, taking a step towards each other for a salute. He felt a pang of affection as she tilted her fist outwards, avoiding his injured shoulder.“Get some rest, if you can.”“Only when the doc checks your injury.”Damn this woman. How did she know he didn’t have any intention to visit the infirmary? Hiding the quirk of his mouth, he rolled his eyes—a human habit he’d quickly picked up from Jaal.“I see. Do you want evidence?”She grinned. “If you would be so kind.”Not waiting for an answer, she got in the rover again. He could see her driving away to where the Tempest was waiting for her and, reluctantly, he made his own way back to HQ. He’d rather she didn’t see his shuttle still there to watch her leave—he had given himself away too much already for one day. Her smile, infectious as it was, had made a faint one of his own come through.