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Rhys awoke in a fervour, head bleary and stomach churning. He rushed to his bedroom's adjacent bathroom and launched his head into the toilet. He threw up last night's dinner, celery and baby carrots, and quite a bit of stomach acid. After he finished vomiting his stomach (and probably a lung) out of his body, he leaned his head against the cool toilet bowl. Rhys tried to return his breathing to normal and give his body a moment to compose itself. He got up and brushed his teeth with his Handsome Jack™ toothbrush while staring at his gangly reflection in the mirror.     "How do I look even more like shit than normal? I didn't think it was possible. I've gotta find some concealer to hide these bags, they're getting darker still." Rhys looked over at the clock hanging by the door, 6:48 a.m. "*sigh* I managed 3 hours of half-hearted rest this time, but Yvette and Vaughn'll kill me if they find out I'm not getting at least 6 hours a night. Time to have a cup of black coffee in my Handsome Jack™ mug and get to work."     Rhys started to get ready for work. First, he got out his 'new' work uniform that wasn't really new in the slightest...if the stains and weird smell were any indicators. Grimacing at the offensively grey jumpsuit, he felt his mood plummet even lower.     "I still can't believe I'm a damn janitor now. And not even the Head Janitor, the fucking ASSISTANT to the VICE JANITOR. Stupid Assquez." Rhys mumbled the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He put the uniform on and scowled as he'd never scowled before. "This fucking uniform doesn't even fit me! Curse my stupid body, I can barely squeeze my big ass into this freaking jumpsuit."
But what Rhys didn't know was that Vasquez had simply shrunken down the smallest jumpsuit Hyperion had, thinking Rhys wouldn't be able to fit it. And what he refused to accept was that he fit perfectly fine into the suit, and it hugged every part of his body; his long legs, broad back and shoulders, his slim yet muscular chest, and his long toned arms.
     After putting his uniform on and tying up his new work sneakers, he fixed his hair. Even though he didn't want to go to work and he didn't feel well, his hair just had to be perfectly coiffed. Then, he went to get some breakfast. He grabbed his phone and blew a kiss to one of his many Handsome Jack™ posters before walking into his kitchen. After vomiting earlier, he was a bit hungrier than normal. He figured that he could have a full piece of toast today along with his coffee, maybe even a few grapes or something. Before he could start preparing his breakfast, he received a call on his Echo-Eye. He answered the call when he realised it was Yvette and Vaughn- his best (and only) friends.(R= Rhys, V= Vaughn, and Y= Yvette)Y- Guys, I have to tell you about the most incredible thing I was just told!V- Vette, you always hear the 'craziest thing' or the 'most incredible thing'-R- OR 'This is the best thing I've ever heard and it's going to make me a lot of money.'-Y- Ooookaaaay, I guess you don't want to hear the handsome secret I was just told. I think Rhys would enjoy it.V- Do you think Rhys needs to hear every-R- Tell me, Yvette!Y- Alright boys, sit back and shut up so I can tell you guys what Meg told me.R- Wait, do you mean Megan, Handsome Jack's Secretary?!Y- YES Rhys, I do mean his secretary, now will you be quiet?!R- Yes, yes, sorry, continue, please.Y- Now, as I was saying, Meg JUST told me something juicy. She told me that Handsome Jack, as of this morning, is taking applicants for a...PERSONAL ASSISTANT! Isn't that the most amazing news you've ever heard guys??? He's going to have a sign-up sheet for interviews, Meg said he needs a new assistant ASAP!
     'Wait, what? Did she really just say what I think she said?'
V- WHAAAT? Are you serious? That is amazing news. That job would be perfect for you Rhys! You’re amazing with numbers and all kinds of tech! You're good at following directions without kissing ass. You get work done really fast aaaaannnnnd the best part is; you’re already in luuuv with the CEO of Hyperion, so you’ll do whatever he tells you, no questions asked. See? Perfect!R- I am not in-- Okay...fine, maybe I do harbour a small bit of affection for the man, but I'm not 'in luuv' with the man as you say, Vaughn.V- What's his birthday?R- Valentine's Day, but everyone already knows that.V- How old is he?R- 35.V- Favourite colour?R- Yellow. 'Damn it, I said that before I could stop myself.'V- Favourite food?R- *sigh* Homemade Pancakes, and the burgers from the food truck that comes here every so often.V- I could keep going if I needed to, but I think you see my point buddy. No need to be ashamed, you're definitely not the only one in love with that narcissistic, slight megalomaniac of a man. While the posters, pyjamas, bobbleheads, and other merch are a bit much for our tastes, you're still our best friend and we support you. Right, Vette?Y- Yeah, we love and support you. We just think maybe you've got a few screws loose in the head. We can't comprehend why you love Handsome Jack so much, but I don't think we'll ever understand so please don't try to explain it.R- Thanks, I guess? But back to the personal assistant thing, it doesn't matter anyway because I'd never be picked. I'm just a lowly janitor now with no power or standing in the company. Plus, even if I was still in Coding, I don't have the credentials or training to be anybody's assistant, let alone Handsome Jack's! There are mannyyyy more people on Helios, and in the galaxy, that would love to be his PA and have the ability to do so.V- Awwh come on bro, you've got to at least try, what's the harm in-R- The HARM, Vaughn, would be that my already rock-bottom ego, self-confidence, and pride would go down even further.V- Don't talk like that. Even if you don't get the job, at least you tried. If you don't, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.Y- 'Why didn't you guys make me applyyyyy?'V- 'This is all your fault!!!'Y- 'I'm sooooo saaaaad-'R- OK ok, I get it. I guess there's no harm in applying, even though I know I won't make it. Let me eat breakfast real quick, I'll be up in a few minutes.Y & V- Okay bye, see you soon!     Rhys hung up the phone call with his Echo-Eye and began getting everything out for his meal. He put a piece of bread in the toaster and took out his bag of grapes. He counted out 7 grapes and put the rest up. Vaughn had made an extra-large pot of coffee before he left that morning, so Rhys had enough to fill his thermos, plus a bit more to drink with his toast.     His toast shot out of the toaster and he quickly ate it, then popped a couple of grapes into his mouth. He got kinda full after the third grape but kept going so he wouldn't be very hungry during lunch. After he was done with his 'breakfast' he drank the excess coffee that wouldn't fit in his thermos and gathered his stuff for work. He made sure his hair still looked good, then gathered his phone, keys, wallet, and thermos full of coffee. He locked the door and headed to the employee-apartment elevators.~~~ Time Skip to Work ~~~     Rhys stepped off of the elevator onto the ground floor of Hyperion's main building. He wasn't late yet, but he was raised to believe that 'early was on time and on time was late.' He still had 17 minutes before he could clock in, and he knew where his friends would be, so he decided to head there until 7:30. He walked to the cafeteria and spotted his friends sitting at their usual table drinking some coffee.     "Rhys, over here buddy, come sit with us!" Exclaimed Vaughn happily, having waaay too much energy for a Monday, in Rhys's opinion.     "Why would you want to sit with that stupid, dirty janitor?" Yelled Assq---Vasquez while laughing and high-fiving his asshole buddies.     Rhys sped over to the table because he could tell Vaughn, and surprisingly Yvette, were getting fired up and were about to cause a scene on his behalf; which was endearing and much appreciated, but Rhys couldn't handle any more excitement at 7:15 on a Monday morning.     "Hey, hey, Vaughn, it's all right, I'm fine, calm down. You too Yvette, I don't want either one of you causing a scene, especially when I could lose my job even easier now than before. Thank you guys for sticking up for me, it means a lot. Now, whaddya say we go and sign me up for an interview?"     "Sounds good bro-bro, let's go. Coming Vette?" Vaughn asked.     "Yeah sure, I don't have anything better to do right now, except work, which I don't wanna do," she replied monotonously, even though she was actually very curious as to how this would play out.     Rhys waited for his friends as they threw away their empty coffee cups and they all walked towards the cafeteria doors.     "Now, where did Megan say the sign-up sheet would be, Yvette? Since obviously only Jack and a couple of other people are allowed on his private elevator, I assume it would be in a public space."     "She said it would be in the elevator lobby, somewhere on one of the walls."     Not long after she spoke, the trio arrived in the elevator lobby and Rhys's eyes locked right on target with the sign-up sheet. He took one look at the paper and began to walk away, slowly, with a look of silent turmoil on his saddened face. In bold red letters, covering up the names of the PA hopefuls, was "AN ASSISTANT HAS BEEN HIRED!"     "Oh bro, I'm sorry man, I had no idea he would've found someone already."     "Yeah Rhys, I'm sorry too. Meg said Jack just put the job request out today, I figured you would've been able to sign up since the day just started, but I guess not..."     "You can say 'I told you so Vaughn'. I won't be upset, because you were right Rhys," said Vaughn in a melancholic tone.     "Hey bros, it's not your fault, you couldn't have known. It's not like I would've been picked, but the thought was nice anyway. You guys gave me a bit of hope, which is more than I would've had today if I didn't know about this whole PA thing. Thanks, guys, I think I'll go ahead and clock in for the day. See you later Yvette, and I'll see you at home tonight Vaughn."     "O-ok bud, see you at home tonight. Again, Vette and I are really sorry about this whole situation."     Rhys walked back to the main entrance and clocked in, using his Echo-Eye to do so instead of his Hyperion™ issued I.D card. Then, he began the trek to the janitor's room. Yes, Hyperion was so big that they had to have a massive amount of janitors, which meant they got an entire room to hold their supplies. Yippee!     Rhys filled up his cart with everything he would need to start cleaning his section of the building. He figured that he would start on the highest floor and work his way down. He started on floor 30 (Jack's personal floor was 31) and began to clean the windows. When he was done he decided to sweep. The main hallway of this floor was devoid of any objects such as plants or desks, so sweeping was relatively quick and easy. After he was done sweeping, Rhys began to mop. While mopping he heard the elevator ding, but Rhys decided to keep his head down and continue to mop... until he saw a shadow coming towards him. The shadow started dripping, so Rhys looked up, concerned.     There he was, Handsome Jack, looking at Rhys with blood dripping from his hands and some of the deep red substance on his Hyperion Yellow™ (A/N: imagine the font is yellow lol) suit jacket.     With a deep voice like melted butter, Handsome Jack began to speak to Rhys, "Hey sweet cheeks, would you mind handing me some wipes from your cart there, I'm kinda messy. Also, sorry for getting blood on the floor, shit happens."     "O-of course Mr. Handsome Jack sir. A-and don't mind the blood, I'll clean that up right away!"     When Rhys finally looked into Handsome Jack's eyes and handed him the wipes, he heard an audible gasp come from the man in front of him.     Wipes forgotten on the floor, Handsome Jack spoke, "Ho ho holy shit. Cupcake, why is a teched-out twink like you working as a janitor?!"     Before Rhys could answer the man's first question, Handsome Jack was already firing off more statements and questions.     "I gotta say, you gotta serious set of steel balls kiddo. Not many people have had the guts to go through with that procedure and you're like the only person to actually come out with a functioning eye...not to mention the fact that you're alive in the first place......Hold on! Why does your eye look different from the original model?! The original is a genuine, state-of-the-art Hyperion-issued implant. What gives?"     "W-well a-actually sir I was in the Coding Department as one of the two Vice Presidents of Coding. I was about to be put up as the President by Mr Henderson when he retired but was demoted to the "Assistant to the Vice Janitor" position just recently. B-but don't get me wrong, I love working for you in any w-way I can sir."     "And to answer your other question...I-I just updated the hardware a bit. I figured that since no one else really gets the Echo-Eye implant, that it would be a bit outdated, and I was right. I just made a few modifications and improvements to the eye and now it has more modernised features. I-I'm sorry if that was something I shouldn't have done..."     "You mean to tell me that you not only improved the Echo-Eye created by my company, but you were also a vice president of something and I didn't know who you were? Also, why the hell are you a janitor now!? Who authorised this shit and why didn't you tell me about it!?"     "U-um Hugo Vasquez became the President of Coding after Mr. Henderson was killed, and he demoted me to "Assistant to the Vice Janitor" role, effective this morning. I didn't try to tell you because I f-figured you'd be too busy to care for my issues s-sir."     "Okay, well I will get this Vasquez shit-head sorted out. Nobody- and I mean nobody -makes a transfer like that without talking to ME first! Annnnd, as it so happens, I just killed my new assistant like 5 minutes ago because he was annoying the fuck outta me. Wanna be my new PA, Sweetie? Your talents and good looks are definitely wasted cleaning the floors of this building when you could be helping me run it."     'Is this for real?' Rhys felt like he'd died and gone to Heaven. Handsome Jack, the narcissistic multi-billionaire wanted him to be his assistant and help him run Hyperion? He must be joking.     "Come on honey bun, I don't have all day. Let's go...um.."     "My name is Rhys, sir."     "Okay, let's go, Rhys."       Alrighty everyone, that's it for the first part. Please like this chappie if you thought it was good and leave some comments or feedback for me. Views and likes help to get this book seen by more readers, so every 1 counts a bunch! I'll be sure to post another chapter soon after I see some views (and hopefully likes) roll in! Thanks a million!Toodles,~Bailey

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Handsome Jack led Rhys to his office and told Rhys he could sit at the previous assistant's desk.     “Alrighty there boy-o, time to see what you can do.”     For the next few hours, Jack threw test after test at Rhys. Everything from “Guess how I like my coffee and make it” to “This computer won’t work, fix it” to “I broke this loader bot, fix it and upgrade its software”. He gave Rhys riddles to solve and asked him questions with no real answers and made him answer in 10 seconds or less with a gun pointed at his face. The difficulty of the questions and tasks rose as the hours went by, but Rhys the Peanut Butter Cup™ managed to do everything perfectly.       ‘Now, it's time for this leggy twink’s true test. You’d better not fuck this up Cupcake or your cute little bubble-butt will be airlocked faster than you can say “Traitor”.’      Jack pulled out his phone and texted his secretary, Megan, and told her the situation. She had access to a real-time mirror image of Rhys’s computer screen and looked over at that while Jack was explaining. She then pulled up the security cameras and got ready to observe Rhys.      “Alright, here’s your first set of tasks. I’ll be over here working, let me know if you need me or have any questions,” Jack said.      Rhys logged onto the computer and began to read up on his role and duties. ‘What the fuck?’ Rhys did a double-take and re-read the screen. He, apparently, had a beyond-decent level security clearance, like level 5 out of 5. In one of the documents, there is even a list of who has what clearance. Only Jack himself and now Rhys had level 5. No one had made it up to level 4 yet; but Henderson (A/N: RIP lol), Megan, and surprisingly Vaughn and Yvette had level 3…as well as some people who Rhys had never heard of. Vasquez had level 2, as did all of the department Presidents and VPs. The President's assistants had level 1 alongside a couple of other random people. Most people didn’t have access to anything secretive, a.k.a level 0.     Rhys was now in the system. He found himself able to read through all of Hyperion’s personnel files (bar Jack’s), see new experimental weapons, contracts yet to be developed and signed, and even the deep, dark company secrets of Hyperion and their competitors. Like seriously, what the fuck was happening?      'You’ve got a lotta knowledge at your lanky fingertips now, sweet cheeks. One little email to the Maliwan dickholes or sneaky text to some bandit gang and Hyperion would take major damage,’ Jack's trigger finger started itching like crazy just at the thought of it.
     Text: Alright Megan, just keep an eye on him and let me know if anything suspicious happens.
     “Alright sir, I will,” Megan said to Jack through his earpiece. “Oh-”, Jack’s gun was in the air before she could even finish the one-syllable word. “No, sir, wait!! He’s just emailing to reschedule your 2 p.m. meeting with the Experimental Weapons Department. I guess he saw the clash with R&D and figured you’d like it better if he switched your 2 o’clock to 3:30.
     Text: Don’t do that again, I almost killed my perfectly good assistant, the first decent one I’ve ever had!!
     “Sorry sir, won’t happen again .”     “M-Mr. Handsome Jack sir, you’d been double-booked for two meetings at 2 p.m., so I moved the Experimental Weapons meeting to 3:30. W-was that okay? I can change it back if you’d like.”     “Ah thanks, Cupcake, glad ya noticed it. Your test is finally over, you are now officially the Fantabulous Handsome Jack’s Personal Assistant! Now...go get me some coffee."       Alrighty everybody, here's chapter two. I hope you enjoy it. As always, feedback is appreciated and lemme know if there are any spelling errors or inconsistencies! Also, I know it's short, but I did that on purpose for timing and other...secret writing reasons. The next chapter will be a tad bit longer, just bare with me here lol. Thanks a bunch!Toodles,~Bailey

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"Okay buddy-boy, time to get some lunch. Normally I would ask if you’d like to eat lunch with me, but I can sense you’re itching to tell your pals the greaaaaat news about becoming my PA. I’ll see you in an hour Sweet Cheeks.”     “Okay, thank you so much, sir! An hour is certainly way more generous than I deserve but since you offered I’ll see you in one hour exactly. Again, I’d like to thank you for this amazing opportunity that you’ve offered me. I promise I’ll be the best Personal Assistant you’ve ever had!”     “Yeah yeah, I know you will squish-face. Now go eat lunch and be back in one hour. We’ve got something extremely important to do once you’ve returned ;).”~~~ Skip to the Employee Cafeteria ~~~     Rhys walked into the cafeteria perfectly timed to meet up with Yvette and Vaughn who were also just coming to get some food.     “Hey guys, can we find a super secluded table to eat at today? I don’t feel like eating around all of these people.”     “Yeah bro, we sure can. Why don’t you pick a table and I’ll get your usual order for you?”     "Thanks, Vaughn.”     Rhys walked over to a small, circular, metal table that’d been seemingly forgotten in the back right corner of the gigantic lunch room. He sat down and patiently waited for Yvette and Vaughn to bring their food to the desolate table. Then, Rhys’s whole body went into a minor state of panic when he realised he’d have to eat in front of his friends when he wasn’t hungry in the slightest!
     ‘Maybe the awesome news I have to share will keep them from noticing that I’m not eating. Yeah, that should work…hopefully.’
     Yvette and Vaughn walked to the little table and sat down with their food.     “Grilled chicken salad and water, the usual.”     "Thanks. By the way, I have something really important that I’d like to share with you guys.”     “You’re not leaving the company are you broseph?!”      "Of course he’s not, I’d kick his ass and he knows it!”     “No no no, I’m not leaving the company, especially now that I.....drumroll please.....have been made Handsome Jack’s PERSONAL ASSISTANT!”     Vaughn and Yvette choked on their food and looked at Rhys with wide eyes.     They spoke at the same time and I’m sure you could guess who said what:      “That’s AWESOME brotato! I’m super happy for you man! Tell us all about it!”      “Why the fuck? How the fuck? And most importantly… What the FUCK?! Are you shitting me right now? If you’re messing with us I will put my foot up your ASS in front of everyone here.”     “Okay, both of you, especially you Yvette, need to calm the hell down before everyone finds out. If you guys promise to be quiet and listen, I will explain everything to you. For now, I’ll just share the important stuff since I can’t stay here for too long, and later tonight we can have a more in-depth discussion about everything if you want to. Does that sound okay?”     “Sure, but you better get to talking before Yvette really does put her foot up your ass, you know she’ll try…she’s tried before.”     “Okay, so I was just starting to clean through the floors like I’m supposed to, right? I decided to start with floor 30- that’s the highest we can go since Handsome Jack has the 31st floor all to himself. I swept and did regular cleaning in the hallway and when I was done with that stuff it was time to mop. I started mopping when I heard the elevator go off. I decided to keep my head down and continue cleaning, so I didn’t bother whoever came off the elevator. All of a sudden a shadow stopped in front of me, a dripping shadow. I was concerned for this person so I looked up. Lo and behold, Handsome Jack was standing in front of me, dripping someone else’s blood. (A/N: Imagine the 'blood' is in a red font XD)    He asked for some wipes and when I handed them to him, I looked him in his eyes. He dropped the wipes in shock and started exclaiming about how cool my Echo-Eye was and how brave I was to have the procedure done and actually come out with a functioning eye, and all that. After he was done fangirling over my improved version of the eye, he explained that the blood that was on him was of the assistant he just hired and murdered sequentially. Apparently, the guy was super annoying or hitting on him or something, to be honest, I wasn’t paying a hundred per cent attention because I was too busy ogling him. OH! I almost forgot the best part of this whole exchange!     Handsome Jack asked why a “teched-out twink like me”, to use his words, was working as a simple janitor. I had to explain to him that I was a Vice President of the Coding Department and I told him all the shit that happened with Vasquez. He was suuuuper furious when I told him because he had no idea who I was and he was even more mad that a VP of a very big department was demoted without his knowledge or consent. He told me he would sort Vasquez out and he asked if I wanted to take over as his personal assistant…of course, I agreed no questions asked. A tonnnn of other shit happened, it’s a lot to explain. I’ll tell you about it at home like I said I would.”     “Okay, to be honest, that was a lot to take in at once, and we’re only hearing the story, broski. I’m glad everything worked out for you, and I’m happy you’ll be doing something you love.”     “And eventually doing some one he loves, wink wink.”     “Grosssss Yvette, that’s creepy.”     “Hey! You know we were all thinking about it, I just decided to be the person to say it out loud. With how raunchy Jack is and how adorable you are Rhys, it’s bound to happen at some point; it’ll probably become a regular thing too. He probably already knows you fangirl over him, or he just assumes you do since most everyone here does. Make sure that if he tries to sleep with you, you make him work for it at least a little bit, please.”     “Okay, mom . Thanks for the advice. I can guarantee that he wouldn’t sleep with me, no matter how ‘raunchy’, as you put it, he may be. Anyway, not that I wouldn’t love to stay and continue this conversation with you guys, the hour Jack gave me is about halfway up and I don’t want to be late for any reason, so I’m gonna go ahead and leave.”     “Alright, if you say so, man. Have a good rest of your shift and we’ll see you at the apartment later tonight.”     "When I come over to your apartment tonight, I expect every. single. detail. about this morning and what you did to become his PA, because I know you didn’t just walk in and get the job…I know you had to do something first, I just don’t know what. Anyways, see you tonight, don’t kill Jack or jump his bones before the end of your shift.”     “Thanks guys, see you later!”         Alrighty peeps, here's chapter three. I hope you enjoy it. As always, feedback is appreciated!  Also, I'm sorry that it's been a while. I don't have consistent access to Wi-Fi so I gotta go to Starbucks to post these! Thanks a ton for understanding and I hope you guys will bare with me and stay active!Toodles,~Bailey :P

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“Hello, Mr. Handsome Jack, I’m back from my lunch break.”     “First off bubble-butt, Handsome Jack, Babe, or Daddy is fine. Second of all, it’s only been about 30 minutes, why’re you back so early?”     Rhys could feel his cheeks heating up from the names Handsome Jack said to call him. He had to take a moment to calm down the redness and butterflies before he spoke.     “Well, it feels super unprofessional without the ‘Mr.’, but I guess I can call you Handsome Jack if you really want me to. And as for your question, I didn’t want to be late and I wasn’t too hungry today; so after telling my two best friends the great news I decided to come back early.”     “Well, next time you can just eat in here with me since you don’t take long lunches and neither do I. That sound good to you Sweet Cheeks?”     “Y-yes sir, H-handsome Jack. Now, you said we had something important to do when I got back from my lunch; can you tell me what it is?”     “How about I just show you instead of telling you?”     “Alright, lead the way.”~~~ Skip to the Coding Department ~~~     “Look alive fuckers! Handsome Jack’s in the house biznitches!”     “E-excuse the interruption, everyone...”     “Now, which one of you shit-stains is Assquez?…or Vaskuwez…or some shit like that.”     “Excuse me, sir, that would be me, Hugo Vasquez. At your service, Your Greatness, Mr. Handsome Jack, sir. How may I be of- oh…what is Mr. Loser Janitor man doing here? Is he bothering you, sir? I can have him remov-”     “If you say one more word, I will cut your balls off and feed them to you, then I’ll cut off your tongue and stick it up your ass. Are we clear?”     Vasquez couldn’t tell whether to say “yes sir” or nothing at all, so he decided to nod and say nothing at all.     “Good little shit-stain. Now, down to business. Everyone but Assquez, get out if you value your jobs here, or more importantly, your lives.”     Rhys had never seen so many people flood out of one door at the same time as he did just then. The entire room had cleared out in mere seconds, leaving just Handsome Jack, Rhys, and the aptly named “shit-stain” in the room.     “Wait a second, I think I recognize you. You’re the one with the hair implants right? But I didn’t know your name was Vasquez ...what did I use to call you? Ohhhh now I remember, Wallet-head! That’s right! This the man who demoted you, Princess? This fake-haired, money-grubbing, wallet-headed, asshole?”     “Y-yes Handsome Jack, this is the man, Hugo Vasquez.”     “I-is that was this is all about? I was just kidding, good buddy. Of course, you aren’t actually the new ‘Assistant to the Vice Janitor’, that was all for fun. Come back to the Coding Department man.”     “Oh, you were joking? This is how you joke?”     Rhys thankfully had his Echo-Eye ready to record when Vasquez randomly called him to a secluded corner of the Coding Department’s part of the building. He started recording soon after he met with Vasquez. He decided to play the recording out on one of the computers in the room to Vasquez and Handsome Jack, just as evidence of what they already knew. ~ Video Recording from Rhys’ Echo-Eye ~     “Hey, Vasquez, what did you need to talk to me about? If it’s about Mr Henderson, I promise I haven’t told anyone you killed him…p-please don’t hurt my friends or family.”     “Shut the fuck up, bitch ass. I know you haven’t told anyone, your ass would be dead and your friends and family would be too. This talk is about something even better than Henderson dying. I’m the new President of the Coding Department effective today, authorised by me! Since I’m the new president, and not you like he wanted, I’m demoting you.”     “Wha-? Huh? You’re demoting me? Can you even do that? Or make yourself the new president? You know Mr Henderson was going to make me the next president, he even told us so at the last department meeting.”     “Uh, of course I can do all of those things, annnnd whatever else I decide I want to do with the Coding Department. One of us had to become the new Prez and since you don’t want anyone murdered on your account, you’re gonna calmly ‘let’ me have the position. And as of Monday, you will be a janitor. You wanna know the best part?”     “W-what?”     “You’re not even the head janitor or the vice janitor or anything like that. Henceforth you’ll be known as the ‘Assistant to the Vice Janitor’...isn’t that fucking hilarious? The assistant to the vice janitor. I’m a comedic genius man, I rock! Remember, if you tell anyone, you’re dead. And don’t even think about going straight to Handsome Jack. That pretentious asshole doesn’t even have the time to worry about Department Presidents suddenly dying unexplained, which means he certainly doesn’t have the time to worry about little bitch babies like you. Understood, Janitor Man?”     “Y-yes I understand, but you really shouldn’t talk about Mr. Handsome Jack like that.”“Well you’re not gonna do anything about it and I don’t see that dickhead around, do you? So just go on your merry way and make sure you wear your new uniform on Monday. It’s on your old desk ;).”~ End of Recording ~      Handsome Jack was silent, which shocked Rhys. Rhys had been with Hyperion long enough to get to know Handsome Jack pretty well, and the man was never speechless. He always had some clever quip or scathing retort or sarcastic comment. But this time…he was completely and utterly silent. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take long for Vasquez to backtrack the comments from the video.     “W-well that file has obviously been edited o-or something to make it sound like I said things I never said. I would never call you a dickhead or any other vulgar name and I would never threaten someone’s friends or family members. Also, losing Henderson was a tragic, unexplained loss. We don’t know who air-locked him, or why they did so. May he rest in peace.”     “Nobody ever said how he died. The only ones who knew how he died were myself, Megan my secretary, and the poor intern in the Experimental Weapons Department who found Henderson’s dead body floating through space…and of course whatever sick bastard killed him for no reason. So unless you are suddenly a woman named Megan, a recent college graduate named Chadley, or Henderson reincarnate, I’d say that makes you the murderer.”     “I-i, w-well-”     “Cease your yammering, you pathetic peasant. Your death shall be quick…well however long it takes you to die from blood loss. And just before you die, there’s something I want you to take note of.”     “Rhysie Pie, or ‘Mr. Loser Janitor’ as you so rudely called him, has been made into my personal assistant and he will be making approximately three times your annual salary. You aren’t half the man my little babydoll is, you’re worthless and I can’t wait to kill you.” Handsome Jack spat those words with a feral grin, and even though he mentioned killing someone, Rhys still managed to get turned on by what he said and the sexy face he made while saying it.     Jack pulled out his gun, poised to shoot Vasquez in the gut, assuring a slow and painful bleed-out into death.     “Wait! Don’t shoot!”     “Rhys, Pumpkin, what the fuck do ya mean ‘don’t shoot’? Don’t you want this fucker to pay for what he’s done to Henderson, to you especially?”     “Ehm, ye-yeah I do want him to pay, b-but I don’t think we have to kill him to do that. He may be a bad person, but I don’t think he deserves to die,” Rhys was practically drowning in nervous sweats by the time he finished talking. Vasquez, and surprisingly Handsome Jack, were both sporting incredulous looks on their faces.     “Okay, uhm, don’t get me wrong, I don’t wanna die. But why in the hell are you defending me after all of the shit I’ve done to you?”     “Yeah, mind explaining that to me, dear? I’ll admit, I did have you pegged for a soft-hearted little babe, but I didn’t think you were that soft. Nobody on Helios should be that nice, it’s extremely bad for business, kiddo.”     “Well I do like to think of myself as a generally nice person, and sometimes sweet, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a little vindictive and revenge-driven,” Rhys gave Handsome Jack an evil smirk and turned back to the now somewhat fearful Hugo Vasquez.     “Ah-hah! I knew I hired you for more reasons than your delicious butt and badass brain! You’re a man after my own heart, Princess. Whaddya have in mind? It’s completely your decision.”     “W-well,” Rhys was a bit nervous for his next words, he wanted to make Handsome Jack proud and choose a fitting punishment he would approve of. “ I-I was thinking, and you can change it if you don’t like it, or-”     “Just spit it out Cupcake.”     “Well I was thinking either you could make him into a janitor like me, or you could make him like a private butler just for our floor. That would be kind of nice. He was always footing off any hard or boring work onto me, or really anything he didn’t wanna do. He’d make messes and make me clean them and force me to work unpaid overtime for him, under threat of violence. He’d constantly bad mouth me to Henderson and do anything to make me look bad in front of him. I think some payback’s in order.”     “Hot DAMN. I’m sorry to say, but you’re stuck with me now. There’s no way I could even put up with another PA after having you, you’re too good to me. That’s exactly what I was hoping to hear you say, Darlin’. Well, you heard the man, you’re now the 31st-floor’s private butler. You’d better be suuuper grateful to this generous soul here because I woulda just popped off a couple of bullets in yer gut, absolutely no second thoughts or regrets.      Also, Rhysie, you and I are gonna revisit all those other things you said later, but for now, let’s get our new butler all squared away and ready to work. First, I have something I desperately wanna do, and since I’m Handsome goddamn Jack, I’ll do whatever I want. Now, Vasquez, don’t move and this’ll be over quickly.”     “What do you me-,” Vasquez was cut off by falling to the floor, clutching his eye in pain. “Ow, shit, damn that hurts!”     “Language, shit-stain! And you should be so lucky I even touched filth like you long enough to punch you, I feel like I’m gonna have to go bathe my fist in hand sanitiser now, and it’s all your fault…stupid no-haired bastard.”     “Yeah, you’ll definitely need to wash it. I can’t have you contracting any diseases before we can actually start working together.”     “HA-hahaha, you really are quite the gem, Pumpkin! Now, Vasquez, get your ass off my floor, you’re dirtying it with your body. Rhys, come walk with me. Assquez, you can follow behind us. I have a special broadcast to make.”     Handsome Jack pulled out his phone and called Megan’s desk phone. She immediately answered.     “No time to chat Megan, I need you to make an announcement for me. Tell everyone, to stop working or whatever else they’re doing and come to the employee auditorium, we’re having an impromptu assembly. Everyone needs to be there in ten minutes. If not, they’re dead- and make sure you state that part explicitly. When you’re done, I want you to come join the rest of the group, but you’ll be backstage with me and my two special guests. Got it? Okay, see you there.”    “My my, this is gonna be fun,” Rhys had never seen Handsome Jack make a sexier smirk than the one he was making just then.     "Ya’know, sir, I have the feeling you just may be right,” Rhys said, a sweet smile gracing his lips, but an evil fire burning in his eyes. ‘Very fun indeed.’         Alrighty everybodyyyyyy! Here's chapter four. Borderlands isn't the most popular fandom to write fanfiction for, but I do it because I love it! My book is slowly gaining traction, and I've already gotten more than I hoped for. So far, I have 12 Kudos and I'm getting more reads every day. I can't thank you guys enough. Please continue to like, comment, and support my book and I'll be sure to get chapter 5 out as soon as I can. Thanks again for your support and lovely comments!(BTW: I edit on Google Docs before I move it here, but I always have to fix the formatting after I transfer to Ao3. I fixed this chapter kinda fast today, so please lmk if there are any formatting or spelling errors!)Toodles,~Bailey

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EDITED ON 20/9/2023~~~Direct Continuation of Last Chapter~~~    “Hellllooooo, everybody! My name is Handsome goddamn  Jack…not that I need to introduce myself. Everyone here already knows AND loves me! I have something important to share with you all, so buckle up. First off, who here is familiar with this guy on my left? Name’s Hugo Vasquez. Does anybody in here have a positive opinion of this guy? Shout out!”   Everybody in the room was either dead silent or ‘boo-ing’ at Vasquez, even the ‘friends’ that were helping him torment Rhys in the cafeteria earlier that morning.   “HAHAHA, that’s exactly what I thought. Nobody here really likes him, even if some of you fuckers try to pretend that ya do sometimes! Nooooow, who here likes or has a positive view of our little Rhys Strongfork here?”   Now, there were some people in the room who were silent because they didn’t really know him, but even better than that, he heard cheers coming from all around the room. He instantly spotted Vaughn and Yvette in the front row. They were out of their seats and cheering for Rhys like maniacs, “We love you Rhys!” and “Go Rhys!” and some other nonsense. Many people from the coding department were cheering for him, especially the interns he’d helped when they’d first started. There were even quite a few cheers from people in other departments that he had helped or knew in some way. Jack looked over at Rhys, not with a smirk like normal, but with an adorable smile- like he was happy that Rhys was well-liked.   “Again, exactly the reaction I was expecting! I could tell from the moment I met this little cupcake that he’d be well-liked by everyone around him. Thank you all for proving me right, yet again! Now, you don’t know how glad I am that so many of you like or respect him, because that has to do with my announcement.   As of today, and forever onwards, this little twink will be my personal assistant!” Jack had to pause there for a second because it became too loud in the room for him to talk. Yvette, Vaughn, and many others who knew Rhys were cheering their heads off, proud of their friend/co-worker. There were some whines and boos from some jealous workers who desperately wanted their chance to assist The  Handsome Jack, and again, a few people stayed silent; Now, whether that was from shock, anger, or plain indifference, Rhys couldn’t tell...but he didn’t really care at that moment.   “Okay, everybody shut the fuck up,” the room was instantly silent. “I know this is a shocking revelation to most, and some of you may be angry or jealous, buuuuut I don’t really care. He has already proven himself to be smart as all hell, great at his job, and not afraid to speak his mind when it matters.   That being said, I want to make something very clear to all of you. Rhys deserves the exact same respect that you all pay me. From now on, whatever I need to hear, see, and know will go through Rhys. He could keep me from hearing budget proposals, going to meetings, hiring new employees, dealing with problems, and a shit ton of other stuff, just because he wanted to! SOOOOOO, I think it’s obvious when I say…don’t anger him, and you’d better stay on his good side; without kissing too much of his cute ass, of course. If anyone tries to hurt or do anything negative to him to get to me, you’ll be dead before you can even think about running away. Clear? Good.   Now that that’s all squared away, I have some other news to share. Rhys has revealed a problem in my company I had no idea about. The problem? Hugo “Fake-Haired” Vasquez. Some of you may be wondering why this man is such a problem in my company, and I’ll tell you exactly why.    First off, he’s just an all-around dick. He bullies others, forces his work onto them, and threatens to hurt their friends or family. I know some of you, including my new assistant, have had some of these things done to you by Hugo here. He also kisses ass to people who reaallly don’t like him, almost like he does it for fun! Secondly, we all mourn the loss of our dear friend and co-worker, Mr. Henderson, the former President of the Coding Department. Some of you may recognize where I’m going with this, but stay with me. Now, we previously had no idea who did this. The security cameras went down for a couple of minutes, in a hallway that’s barely used anymore. All we knew was that he’d been airlocked. And guess who has recently confessed to his murder?! You guessed it, this loser, bitch-boy, asshole right here, Mr. Vasquez!”   Again, Handsome Jack stopped talking to allow the people in the room to react to his revelation. Now, every. single. person. in the room was booing and shouting at him, yelling death threats, insults, and all sorts of things. Rhys and Jack stood there with pleased smirks on their faces. Jack was patient, which doesn’t happen too often, and let the room’s noise level die down naturally. Henderson was beloved by many. Hell, most everybody liked him or at least respected him. He wanted to let everyone have a chance to voice their anger and sadness- they deserved at least that much.   “Yes, I know. I was livid when I found out. I wanted to kill the bastard when I heard his accidental confession, and I wanted to kill him even harder after I heard about all the bad things he’d been doing to Rhys. But, my newfound PA is a bit too sweet for his own good and requested that I not shoot him- much to my disappointment. So, instead, his deliciously devious mind came up with something even better than the sweet release of death. From now on, Vasquez will be our private butler and janitor.”    Everyone in the room started laughing and shouting at Hugo. “This is what you deserve!”, “Put him in a sexy maid costume!”, “Can we take turns renting him out?”, and many other jeers. The room was ablaze with humour for several minutes before the workers finally calmed down, holding their stomachs.   “Okay, yes, everyone, this is hilarious. I actually heard two things I want to address. I heard someone shout about a maid costume, and honestly, that sounds like a fantastic idea. We’ll try it out and let you guys know what we decide! Secondly, someone asked about renting him out. I would be glad to loan him out to some deserving departments. We can decide based on monetary donations, productivity, or somethin’. We’ll send out an announcement soon with Vasquez’s new work uniform and ways to get him to come clean for you guys. For now, get your asses back to work, ya lazy fuckers! Bye, bitches!”       Alrighty boiz and gurlies, here's numbaaaa fiiiiiveeee! I'm still working on chapter 6, and I'm hoping to release one chapter every 7-10 days, about one every week or a week and a half. I wish I could pump them out faster for you, but inspiration is hard to come by sometimes. I'm also starting a new job tomorrow (wish me luck guys!) and I babysit my brother every weekend; Plus I have no wifi at home!... All these issues just make it more difficult than I wish it was, but I'm still going to try as hard as I can! So please continue to love and support my book, and I'll keep going until it's done. Thanks a billion lovelies.Toodles,~Bailey

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Okay, after a million eons, I'm finally back with another chapter! I'm super sorry for the long wait but hopefully this chapter will make up for it. This chapter is almost 7,000 words (6,750 to be exact)...which is three times as long as my other chapters! Please enjoy! PLEASE LMK IF YOU FIND ANY MISSPELLINGS OR CONTINUITY ERRORS!!! <3 . . .      The rest of their work day went by very quickly, and pretty much as easily as it could’ve, in Rhys’s opinion. He signed some papers, organised messages, went through his new personal assistant email (fun!) and sorted things based on: stuff Jack needs to do, stuff Jack won’t do but needs to do, stuff Rhys will have to do, and stuff so stupid it’s not even worth the PA’s time.      Rhys also got out of his seat more than a few times, mainly to make copious amounts of coffee. Rhys cannot function without it, coffee is pretty much the second love of his life– I bet you 10 Eridium bars you can’t guess what the first one is (you probably can though). And as it turns out, Jack also likes coffee…like reaallllyyy likes coffee. He couldn’t even tell you how many mugs he made for Jack throughout the day…okay, yeah he can, 17! The only good thing about it is that he likes his coffee ultra-dark roasted and plain black, yuck! That’s good for Rhys because it means that it’s easy to make, doesn’t take long, and he won’t have to use his precious creamers and flavours on Jack.      “Well Sugartits, it’s five o’clock. That means you and your sweet little tush can head on out now. Just so ya know, our workdays are from 7-5; unless we have a heavy workload and decide we need to stay later. So I will see you bright and early at seven tomorrow. OH! Shit, I almost forgot, you’ll need a password to get onto my private elevator. The password is the name of one of my personal heroes, he really means a lot to me. His name is Mike Oxlong. You’ll have to say it into the speaker box so it can recognize your voice. G’head.”     "Jack, I may be the age of a toddler in your mind, especially compared to how old you are, but I’m not stupid or gullible enough to fall for that. What’s the real password? And it better not be something incredibly dumb or easy to guess!”     “First of all, THAT’S RUDE! It’s not my fault I’m more mature and sophisticated than you, you don’t gotta call me old just because you’re jealous. Second of all, uhhh, ehem….It’s *unintelligible mumbles*.”     “It’s what? You better not have said what I think you said, Mr. Handsome “I’m so rich and famous that people are always trying to kill me” Jack!”     “It’s…it’s 12345.”     “...WHAT? Are you fucking serious right now? You mean to tell me that you have a super easy-to-guess password and anyone with two brain cells to rub together could figure it out?!”      Rhys had to take a few deep breaths and remind himself that he was now working for the biggest (and also most dangerous) man-baby in the galaxy, something this dumb was bound to crop up sooner or later. Rhys was just glad he caught this egregious mistake and could correct it before it ended up causing issues for the both of them down the line.     “How long have you had this password? Please tell me that it hasn’t been more than like a month or two!”     “Uhhh, welllll, you seeeee… I’ve actually had it for like a couple years now. But. BUUUT! That probably means that it’s safe then, right?”     “Uhm, no Jack. That probably just means that you’ve just been lucky enough that no one has tried to guess it yet and break in to murder you. And that’s on top of the amount of people you let in that try to murder you as well. I guarantee that soon, most likely within a month, there will be an attempt on my life or an increase in attempts on yours. Especially now that I’m your new PA and now that Vasquez has been demoted and publicly humiliated and ridiculed, he’ll probably try to get to me just for my job or go straight to trying to kill you for being the one who put him there. How about we come up with a new password? That way we can avoid all of this.”     “Okay, well, ya got any ideas in that big brain of yours, honey?”     “Uhmmm, is there anything the public doesn’t know about you? Like your middle name, a secret hobby? Really anything secretive enough no one could know about you or guess.”     “Yeah, there is something, but you have to swear on your life that you’ll never tell anyone, and believe me, I’d know. I’d airlock you so fast you won’t even know what happened… Okay, whew, only one person other than myself knows this, and now you will. My big secret is…*dramatic pause*...my real name is John!”     “WHAT? OH MY STARS! I’m literally dying right now, I can’t believe- yeah I’m just kidding. To me you’re still Handsome Jack, so that’s not a big deal. You were setting that up to be something way bigger than it was. OH, I’ve got the perfect idea! You should tell me your middle name. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”     “Well, I guess I can tell you since the cat’s outta the bag. My middle name is Beau. It’s French and it means ‘handsome’. I’m John Beau “Handsome Jack” Lawrence. So it’s not just an honest description of me, it’s literally my name baby. Okay, now your turn.”     “Okay, it’s kinda weird, but mine also has a really cool meaning. Well, at least I think it’s cool. My middle name is Armas. It’s Finnish and it basically means ‘true love’. So my full name would be Rhys Armas Strongfork. No silly nicknames in the middle, besides the ones you like to give me.”     “My nicknames are the best, you love them, don’t lie! Cupcake is my favourite, ohhhh but I also like ‘true love’. Maybe I’ll start calling you my little Armas. Ooohh, that sounds like fun!”     “No please don't Jack, or should I say, John. That would literally suck so hard you can’t even imagine, so don’t! Anyway, we need to figure out our password. No one but you, my aunt, and my best friends Vaughn and Yvette know my middle name, so that’ll be safe. And no one knows yours either, so I think we should use them or a combination of them.”     “Okay, we could do Armbow or oh, um, Bowmas. What do you think?”     “Uh, maybe something a bit easier to remember? Maybe just like Armas and Beau? It’s easy to remember and no one will know them.”     “Ugh okay fine, whatever. You’re no fun, no fun at all!”     “Well, I’m more concerned for our safety and ability to remember things, more than I’m concerned with being ‘fun’. Okay, so it’ll be “Armas and Beau” and that’ll be a good password. Now, code it in.”     Jack hit a button on the side and a num-pad came up on the elevator screen, the buttons for the floors were all touch-screen. He typed in a secret code that even Rhys, his assistant, couldn’t see. Then he tapped the ‘update password’ button and spoke the new password into a speaker box right above the screen.     “Okay, g’ahead, speak loud and clear enough for it to catch your voice, but not so loud that everyone nearby can hear you. When you speak it later you can whisper it, but not now because it needs to hear you clearly.”     Rhys spoke the new password loud and clear. After he was done, the speaker box spoke back, “Thank you Handsome, have a fantastic day!”     “Really Jack, even your elevator reaffirms your narcissistic tendencies? Is there any piece of technology on Helios that hasn’t been programmed to fall at your feet?”     “There’s no piece of technology or man in the galaxy that doesn’t obsess over me, Babycakes. It’s naturally hard-wired into everything around me, it’s automatic. Even you do, I know it.”     “Uhm, well, ehem…In the interest of total transparency; I have always considered you my hero, but it’s never become an obsession, ehem…definitely not. But now that I’ve gotten to know the real you, the hero-worship has significantly dulled, into an admiration for your few talents and leadership abilities. Find someone else to kiss your ass, John.”     “Well well well, the middle names come out and the gloves come off. I see how it is, you hate me, you absolutely hate me. Whatever, just leave me to wallow in self-pity then, whilst you go home and tell your friends about me and the fabulous day you had with me.”     “Yeah yeah, whatever Jack. I’ll see you tomorrow, 7a.m sharp. Bye, Johnny-pie!”     Before Jack could offer a retort, Rhys had pressed the 1st floor button and the doors closed automatically. ‘Of course, Jack’s elevator would defy every single other elevator and close almost instantly. Just another sign that even technology obsesses over that man.’ ~~~ Short Time Skip ~~~     “HONEY, I’m hooommeee! Just kidding, HA! I have no one waiting for me at home, just my sock collection and my totally normal, non-obsessive Handsome Jack collection. Might as well get comfortable and make Dumb and Dumber some food.”     Rhys decided to take a quick shower to cleanse himself and decompress from the most weird and hectic day he’d had in a long time. He set the shower to the temperature ‘boil-me-alive’, as Vaughn calls it. Rhys just thought of it as normal. Steaming hot is the only correct water temp for showers. He undressed while waiting for it to heat up, and threw his clothes into his nearby laundry basket, also Hyperion-branded if you didn’t guess that already.            Rhys took a quick shower, spending most of the time on his hair of course. His fabulous brown locks needed all the love and care in the galaxy to stay gorgeous. Once Rhys finished his shower, he quickly dried off and went to his small, but fully stuffed, closet to pick out a comfy outfit for the upcoming night. He picked a simple white tank top, and a pair of black, mid-thigh shorts with little yellow and blue H’s on them. No, Rhys was not obsessed with Hyperion products, how could you even say that?!     He decided to just make something simple, he was too worn out to do one of his normal elaborate meals that his friends just adored. He figured that as long as he was the one cooking, then they wouldn’t really care what it was.     “Pancakes and bacon should be good enough. They’ll eat whatever I make anyways.”     Rhys got out the ingredients for homemade pancake batter. He created his own recipe years ago, finding online recipes insufficient in flavour and the “just-add-water” powder from the store lacking something Rhys couldn’t exactly define.     He got out all of the ingredients that he would need for his super secret pancake recipe, so secretive that it can’t even be written out for story-telling purposes. He mixed the batter, then began forming medium-sized pancakes on his griddle. Once he had a giant stack of pancakes made, he threw some Unidentified-Meat™ bacon on the griddle. Once all of the bacon had cooked, he set it on a serving plate. He carried the plate of pancakes and the plate of bacon to the coffee table in his living room. Then he grabbed utensils, plates, butter, and syrup (bleh!) and set everything up next to the food. Just as he returned to the living room from grabbing some juice and water, he heard the unmistakable sound of keys jingling in the hallway.     “Something smells good in here broski, what did you make?”     “You guys actually have perfect timing, I just cooked some pancakes and bacon.”     “Alright, awesome. Thanks bro! Lemme go get changed.”     Yvette looked like she’d changed before coming, she was wearing a pair of skin-tight dark blue leggings and a grassy green spaghetti-strap tank top with bedazzled shoulder straps. She hated the boring, slightly oppressive office wear and decided to live vicariously through her bombastic loungewear and party clothes.     “Free food? Sweet, dish it out Mr. Culinary-Wizard.”     “Okay, but you have to promise to leave some food for Vaughn, I know how you get sometimes.”     “Well he had better hurry the fuck up then, my hunger waits for no man, friend or not.”     “RHYS! MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T EAT ALL OF THE FOOD!”     “SORRY BROH, NO CAN DO, YOU BETTER HURRY!”     “Dood, ish sho gud, I can’t shtop eatin’ ‘em. ‘ere won’t be any left fer him,'' Yvette was attempting, and somewhat succeeding, to stuff her face and talk at the same time.     Vaughn was rushing through the apartment, trying to get back to the living room before Yvette ate everything in sight. Which only took him like 30 seconds due to how small their living space is. He stopped in the living room, panting while trying to put his head through the arm-hole of his muscle tee.     “Damn Vaughn, you tryna give me a performance with the pancakes? ‘Cuz I’m totally down. Dinner and a show, nice!”     He finally managed to put his shirt on correctly, “Uh noooooo , I was trying to hurry up and get back in here. For all I knew, there wouldn’t be any food left.”     He sat down and made himself a full plate of pancakes and bacon and smothered everything in syrup. Vaughn could really pack it in, all while staying so ripped- honestly, it made Rhys insanely jealous sometimes.     “Dude, while I don’t wanna feed into the over-the-top obsession you have with our Psychotic Supreme Overlord, if you make these for Handsome Jack he’d probably melt at your feet. That’s how good these are!”     “Ah, speaking of old Jacky face, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do mister. Tell us everything! Spare no detail.”     “Okay, well it’s kind of a lot, so get comfy and prepare.”     “Ooo, first tell us what you had to do for the job. I bet it was something sexyyyyy!”     “No Yvette, it wasn’t and that’s weird. Okay, here we go.”     Rhys explained, in great detail, the testing he went through. He told them about his UH-MAY-ZING security clearance and how he could see competitors’ secrets and personnel files. Just as he was about to move from that topic-     “FUCK YES! Tell me everything you remember! I need the juicy goss, pleaasseeeee?” Yvette gave Rhys her very effective puppy dog eyes, and he was almost tempted to do as she asked.     “No, Yvette, NO. Don’t do that to me, I really can’t tell you anything, I could lose my life, or uh, even worse, my JOB.”     “Oh c’mon, no one would ever know, I’ll keep it to myself.”     “Vette, we all know that’s not gonna happen and I’m sure Rhys wants to keep his job for more than one day . Now, let’s get back to the story, brotato!”     He told them about all of Jack’s ridiculous requests and ultra-difficult questions. He told them he had a gun to his face during the whole question part and he even told them that, “To be honest, I wasn’t scared. I could totally feel that he wouldn’t shoot me unless I gave him a really good reason to. Also, he was so close that I got to see his sexy face in full detail! So I count that as a win for me.” , and let’s just say his friends were not very supportive of his crazy and obsessive tendencies.     “And so that was how I got the job. Most of my day was spent signing some papers and employee contracts and NDAs and stuff like that. I also had to go through and organise messages and go through my new personal assistant email. The previous guy didn’t even last the morning, so he didn’t really do anything and it seems whoever was before him was also worthless. I sorted through some stuff and may or may not have sneaked a peek at some personnel files…but he wouldn’t’ve given me clearance if it wasn’t okay, right? But the thing I did the most was get him coffee. Now don’t get me wrong, I’d do anything for that man, even take a bullet for him . But he drinks so much damn coffee, he’s gotta be made of about 90% dark roast by now. I literally made him 17 cups today! And there’s no telling how many cups he had before I met him this morning.”     “17, are you for real?! You love coffee more than anyone I’ve ever met and even you don’t drink that much.”     “Right?! Speaking of coffee, I made a random throw-away comment about how he has awful taste in coffee while I was walking away, and unfortunately, he heard it. So he said something like ‘Oh, like your taste is any better. What kinda coffee do you even drink?’ So I told him I like mine fancy, sugary, and flavoured. It’s pretty much the only thing that helps get me through a long, hellish workday. Unfortunately, the only stuff he had in the way of coffee was his dark roast grounds and a basic coffee pot, so I thought my coffee dreams would never come true.      So what does Mr. Unpredictable Money-Bags go and do? He throws his old coffee maker on the floor, shattering it into a million pieces- only after getting one more cup of coffee from it. He didn't say a word, and I thought that he was just pissed off at me for insulting his taste in coffee. I had no idea what was going on in his head. He spends the next twenty minutes doing something on his computer, more serious than I had seen him all day. When he was done, he looked up at me, grinning wider than Cheshire the cat, that one weird cat-thingy from Alice in Wonderland. I walked over thinking he had just committed tax fraud or watched a live show of someone being murdered, but I was wrong.     Turns out that he had bought the fanciest, most expensive, top-of-the-line coffee maker, from To Brew or Not To Brew (A/N: I came up with that name on my own lol ). It’s this super expensive coffee company, they make everything to do with coffee, and I’ve never been able to afford even a coffee maker from them. That’s how expensive they are! He even bought all of the extra shit! Like 8 different types of sugar- I didn’t even know there were that many. He also bought a ton of different grounds, one of every creamer flavour they make, all of the flavour syrups and drizzles, and even shit like whipped cream and cocoa powder. I literally could’ve orgasmed right there in our office. I was too stunned to speak, let alone profusely thank him. I just stared at him with a look of obsessed admiration, that I’m sure everyone else has when they see him in person. He was like, ‘Yeah yeah, I know, I’m the best. You don’t gotta tell me Babycakes, I can tell by the look in your eyes and the drool on your chin.’  I wasn’t drooling, but I honestly believed him when he said I was.”     Then, of course, as you know, he held that badass assembly for me- and Vasquez unfortunately. Then we went back and pretty much did the same thing. Honestly, it all passed in such a blur. I was super busy, I guess the work had piled up without a good assistant. Then it was time to leave and we made a new password for our private elevator, which I can’t tell you guys. And now I’m here. I’m so amazed that I even have this opportunity and I’m so excited to see what happens next. Hopefully, Jack and I can even become good acquaintances or maybe even friends.”     “Well that sounds like a fun, exciting day and I’m so happy you have this chance to do what you really wanna do. And I’m totally sure you guys will be friends before long, it seems like you two get along really well. Vette?”     “I’m really just surprised Rhys came home with his v-card and life intact, I was definitely sure one of those would’ve been gone today. Good job Rhys, like I said at lunch, make him work for it. ;)”     “Oh c’mon Yvette, we don’t need to ever mention that I’m a 26-year-old virgin. There’s literally no instance where that needs to be brought up. Unless I finally lose it and decide to tell you guys about it. Plus, it’s not like I don’t have a choice in the matter, I’ve had plenty of men confess to me or ask for hookups.”     “Oh, well then why haven’t you lost it yet? Huh?”     “We’re not talking about this, you already know the reason why…Anyways, Vaughn, do you have anything you wanna talk about?” Rhys was blushing so hard from talking about something so personal and flustering that he wanted to change the subject as soon as possible. He was not about to re-explain that he was stupidly and needlessly saving his virginity for Handsome Jack…he knew it was unrealistic and never gonna happen so it wasn’t even worth bringing it up.     “Actually, there is something I wanna talk to you about. It’s kind of a huge favour, but I’m hoping you can help me out here. Jack, over this past weekend I guess, killed the President of Accounting and I want that position. I’m not currently one of the two VPs, so I’m not next in line to compete for the position, but the two vice presidents are incompetent and most assuredly only got their jobs by bribery or coercion or something devious. I could do so much better than them, and everyone else in the department knows it.”     “I can talk to Jack for you and put in a good word, but it’s not a guarantee. He seems to be very picky about certain things and I haven’t worked for him nearly long enough to be able to tell what his tendencies are. So I’ll ask him about it and see what he says. Maybe he’ll let me choose instead of picking one of the VPs.”     Yvette interjected, “I think he will. I mean, based on how Jack was acting towards you today, it’s a no-brainer. He pretty much held that whole assembly for you and ordered all of that fancy coffee stuff, just for you . He even gave you an hour for lunch, most of us only get 30 minutes, sometimes less if we’re super busy. I think if you just bat your long eyelashes at him and call him ‘Mr. Handsome Jack Sir’ , he’ll do anything you ask.”     Rhys’s blush made a furious comeback, ”I really don’t think that’s true, but I’ll ask him nicely tomorrow and see what he thinks. I’ll talk you up real good Vaughn.”     Somewhere deep down inside, Rhys hoped that Yvette was right. To be able to have the man he’s obsessed with listen to his opinions and suggestions and let him make important company decisions? Rhys could die happy.     Yvette told the men about her boring, work-filled day. There wasn’t much to tell, and they could tell she didn’t even care enough to put any sort of detail into her recounting.     “OH, I have a great idea bros! Let’s watch a movie and eat junk food. It’ll be like a little celebration for Rhys getting his new position. You guys pick a movie and I’ll go grab us some snacks. Pick something fun, nothing too depressing.”     Rhys and Yvette went through all of the streaming services that the two men paid for and they finally decided on a movie called Ghost Rider, they’d never seen it before. (A/N: I LOVE Nicolas Cage, so much!)     “Okay Vaughn, come on. We got a movie ready to go.”     “Alright broskis, I grabbed chips, popcorn, soda, and some candy. Dig in!”     Rhys was quite hungry, he only had a few pancakes and a couple pieces of bacon while he was cooking. He decided that a soda or two and a box of candy sounded good. He picked out a Diet Dr Pepper, his favourite (A/N: and mine lol), and cracked it open.     The three friends ate snacks and watched the fabulous movie. Sometimes one of them would make some comment about how hot the actor was, whoever he was anyway. Or they’d talk about how cool the action scenes were. Vaughn was super pumped up by the cool motorcycle tricks the actor did. Yvette was strangely, but also very expectedly, attracted to the demons that the Ghost Rider had to fight towards the end of the movie. Rhys, however, was entirely focused on the romantic undertones and little lovey-dovey scenes. He spent most of the movie’s duration day-dreaming…well it’s around 8 pm so I guess night-dreaming…about having that sort of romance in his own life.     “Okay, movie’s over, get out, go home. Peace.”     “Damn Mr Grouchy-Ass, where are your manners? Jeez…”     “Well sorry not sorry Yvette, but I desperately need my sleep, got important work to do tomorrow. So you gotta go. And don’t act like you’ve got a long walk or something, you’re literally only one floor above us. And Vaughn’ll be happy to escort you home if you so desire, my fair lady.”     “Oh hush your mouth, you know I don’t need an ‘escort’. I’m not some fragile princess or something, damn.”     “Okay then you should have no problem getting home by yourself, right?”     The two friends bickered back and forth for a couple minutes longer, some friendly jibes and insults, nothing too serious.     “Well I could put my foot so far up your ass that you taste leather, would you li-,”     “Ooohhhkayyyy, well I’m gonna cut right in here before things go any further. Come on Vettie, I’ll walk you to your apartment, let’s go. Say goodnight to Rhys and let’s go.”     “....”     “What was that Yvette? I couldn’t quite hear you.”     “Ugh, I said goodnight and congrats on your new job.”     “Awe you’re so sweet I could just eat-” Vaughn had also cut that short by ushering Yvette out and abruptly slamming the door behind them. Rhys was laughing so hard that his diaphragm began hurting. 
     ‘Ah, leave it to them to make sure I have a good night and a fun time, I really do have the best friends. Welp, now it’s time to clean up and go to bed. I’ve gotta get up early and make sure I look perfect for Jack!’
     Rhys began clearing away the food mess from dinner, and when Vaughn came back from walking Yvette home he helped out. They did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen together in a calm silence.     “Alrighty broski, we’re all done in here, now it’s time for you to head to bed, don’t wanna be late for your first official day as Handsome Jack’s PA.”     “Yeah you’re right bro, if I’m late he’ll probably murder me on the spot. Soooo, goodnight, see you in the morning!”     “Goodnight, sleep good bro-bro.”      Rhys locked the door and turned out all the lights with his Echo-Eye then made his way to his room. He took off his shirt and lay down in bed. He turned off his light, again by using his robotic eye implant.     He looked over to one of his Handsome Jack posters, “Now that I’m Jack’s PA I really need to take this stuff down. If he somehow ever saw my collection or found out about it I’d be so embarrassed and he’d never let me live it down. But for now, goodnight Jack, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He then blew a kiss to the poster and snuggled down into the covers, preparing for a hopefully restful sleep.     But his sleep was interrupted by his door slowly creaking open.     Sleepily he mumbled out, “Huh, what, who’s there? Vaughn, is that you? I’m trying to sleep here, bro…”     “It’s definitely not Vaughn, Cupcake.”     Rhys knew that voice…He immediately sat up from his pillow, eyes wide in disbelief. “H-handsome Jack, w-what’re you doing here in my room?”     “Shhh it’s okay Dollface. I’m here because I want you. I know you want me too, I’m not stupid. I see how you look at me, I see your huge collection of my merchandise. So I’m here to give you what you want.”     Jack began moving towards Rhys, who was still frozen in shock. “Come on Pumpkin, isn’t this what you wanted?”     Before Rhys could respond, Jack had moved into his personal space and taken hold of his face with both hands.     “Y-yes Jack this is what I want, I’ve fantasised about you having your way with me. Please, kiss me.”     Rhys closed his eyes as Jack leaned closer. Just as their lips were about to touch-
     BANG BANG BANG!
     Rhys shot out of bed, barely managing to stay on the bed.      “Fuck! That was just a dream! Dammit! And OF COURSE, someone had to interrupt it, right before the good part! Who the fuck is even knocking on my door so early…wait, it’s already 6:15?! Shit, I gotta get ready for work!” But before he could get ready he had to see who was at the door.     He threw on a robe (Hyperion-branded of course) to conceal his halfway hard-on from whoever was knocking, then left his room and headed to the door. He opened it to find a scared, slightly shaky delivery man standing in the doorway.     “I have a package here for a Ris, uhhh Rye, uuhhhh Ree, ahem, one Mr Strongfork. Sign here.”     “Wha, huh, I didn’t order-,” but the man had simply pushed the seemingly innocuous and innocent-looking package into his apartment, leaned it against the wall, snatched the hastily, halfway signed clipboard from Rhys’s hands and sped off down the hallway.
     'Huh, that’s weird. It was like he was afraid of something and wanted to get as far away from me and this package as soon as he could.’
     Rhys peered over at the tall, skinny package and then figured out exactly why the delivery worker was so speedy. The package was from Handsome Jack himself. Before he could ascertain what exactly was in the oddly shaped box, he received a message alert from his Echo-Eye. He went and grabbed his Echo-Tablet from his nightstand and sighed before opening his messages.

Hottie with the Shottie

6:20 a.m

HS: hey sweetums, i see tht the man i sent jst deliverd the pckage i got 4 u. is it damaged? i told em i wood kill him if he took 2 long or it was dmged n any way :P (Read, 6:21)

Me: Okay, first of all, your message was so riddled with grammatical errors and spelling errors I almost didn’t want to text back at all. (Read, 6:22 )

Me: Secondly, please don’t threaten people who’re just trying to do their jobs. What’s in the box, Jack? Should I be afraid for my life or my apartmnet? (Read, 6:22)

HS: hahaga! for some1 so wrried abt spellin and shiz, u spelt apartment wrong. wht a loser! (Read, 6:23)

Me: Well excuse me, Mr. I-type-like-a-teenager. I just woke up to loud banging on my poor apartment’s door and had a rude delivery man thrust a life-sized package into my home without my knowledge or consent. I didn’t sleep well last night, so you can leave me alone. What’s in the damn box? (Read, 6:25)

HS: if ur sirius (A/N: HAHA, HarryP reference) abt him bein rude, i wll kill him, rn. nt kidding. opin it, it wnt kill u- unles u die frm happynes lolol. (Read, 6:27)
     Rhys set his phone down and grabbed a box cutter from a drawer in the kitchen. The box was marked FRAGILE in like twenty places so Rhys took his time opening it, just in case there really was something to be afraid of in the thin box.     Rhys was shocked and amazed at what was inside…       Alrighty everybody, there’s chapterrrrr number 6. I’m really proud of how this turned out and I hope you…were FOOLED! Of course, I’m not gonna stop it there, I HATE cliffhangers lol!                   Inside the box was a sleek, black garment bag with the brand of “Hyperion’s Finest” on the front. “HOLY SHIT!”     Now, Vaughn was a fairly heavy sleeper, thus why he didn’t wake up when the delivery man knocked on the door, but even he was up and at ‘em when he heard Rhys’s loud-ass scream. He walked in bleary-eyed and hair a mess. He didn’t have his glasses on, or a shirt for that matter. He was holding up a tennis racket like a makeshift weapon and fervently looking around the living room, scanning for any hostiles or natural disasters.     “BRO! You just woke me up for literally no reason, today is my day off. What the heck is going on that requires shouting at 6 somethin’ in the morning?!”     “Jack just sent me a package and I’m freaking out over what’s inside it. It’s labelled ‘Hyperion’s Finest’.”     “Uhm, okay buddy. You’re gonna have to calm the frick down and explain to me what that is because I’m realllyyy lost right now.”     “Well, it’s only like the most expensive gentleman’s clothing store in the galaxy! They have suits, ties, handkerchiefs, socks, dress shoes, belts, hats, umbrellas, sunglasses, and so many other things! And Jack just had a very tall garment bag delivered to me. I think it’s a suit or a new uniform or something.”     “Well I’m up now, so you might as well go try it on and show me how it looks.”     Rhys gingerly picked up the garment bag and brought it to his room. He was nervous and excited at the same time. He wanted to look good for Jack, so he was hoping Jack had put something fashionable in the bag. For all he knew it could be a bunny suit or a pair of booty shorts and nothing else. 
     ‘Well, I wouldn’t mind wearing just short-shorts in front of him….No, no, focus on getting ready or else you’ll be late for work!’
     Rhys opened the bag to see an amazing-looking suit inside. “Damn, I guess he can be fashion-savvy when he wants to be!”     The suit was actually pretty casual, but Rhys understood it was probably because Jack didn’t really know his style. The shirt was an aqua-blue button-up with thin, vertical white stripes and a white collar. It came with a skinny red tie loosely draped on the hanger. The pants were long and pitch black. Interestingly, one of the legs was solid black and one of them was pinstriped from the waist to the ankle with vibrant white lines. There was also a Hyperion-branded jacket with a hexagonal pattern and a zipper just in case he wanted to style it as a vest instead of a jacket. He decided to pair it up with a pair of glossy black dress shoes and a stylish white belt he kept in the back of his closet.     After putting everything on and styling the collar he realised Jack would be able to see his neck tattoo and a little bit of his blue tattoo.
     'Should be interesting to see if he notices them.’
     Rhys went into the bathroom and did his daily before-work routine. Then he walked back out into the living room.      “So how does it look? I’d say I look damn hot, wouldn’t you?”     “Wooooow bro, you really do clean up nicely. I would say that I’m surprised Jack sent you something so expensive, but that’d be a lie. I can already tell he’s gonna throw his money at you whenever he can. But that’s not the point right now. I will say that you do look pretty smokin’ dude.”     “Thanks, I thought so too. Hopefully, Jack will also think the same. I can’t wait to see how he reacts. Now, I really gotta get to work before I’m late. I think I’ll start spending my lunch breaks in the office with Jack, he told me he doesn’t really take lunches and I told him I don’t really either. So I’ll probably hang out with you and Yvette like once a week during lunch, but if not we can always just hang out at home. Will you let her know?”     “Yeah dude, I’ll tell her. We’re both super proud of you and happy for you, and we understand you’ll be extremely busy from now on; just know that we’re always here for you and we still wanna hangout when you’re not too busy. Also, remember to eat something during your lunch breaks and stay safe around Handsome Jack. I’m going back to bed now, so I’ll see you tonight when you come home. Have a good day at work!”     “See you later, brotato, have a relaxing day off of work!”     Rhys pulled out his Echo-Tablet and decided to be a bit forward with his new boss. He took a selfie at an extremely flattering angle, showing off his new outfit. He sent the pic to Jack with a flirty message. 
Hottie with the Shottie

6:45 a.m

Me: Thanks for the sexy suit John, I’ll see you soon ;P (Read, 6:46)

HS: i cnt weight to c how ur juicy azz lewks in those pantz. c u soon bby (Read, 6:47)
. . .     Rhys walked into Jack’s office, setting down his stuff at his desk.     “Hello Pumpkin, I see the suit I bought for you fits juuuust right . Why don'tcha do a little spin for me? So I can see the whole thing.”     Rhys walked from his desk and into the middle of the room, slowly spinning so Jack could get a nice view of his backside. Jack stepped forward to get a closer look.     “Dayum Princess, you’re lookin’ hot as fuck! I knew that suit would be perfect for you. And I’m pleased to see your ass looks as enticing as I thought it would in them pants. And do I see some tattoos peeking out of your collar? Shit, that just makes you even hotter!”     Jack went to grab ahold of Rhys’s ass and Rhys playfully swatted his hand away.     “You can look but you can’t touch mister, what kind of personal assistant do you think I am?”, Rhys teased. He paused to laugh at the incredulous look on Jack’s face. “I’m not one of those employees who just wants to sleep with you and not actually do their job.”     “I guess that’s good and bad to hear. If you were one of those employees I would gladly sleep with you because you’re sexy and gorgeous as fuck. But as soon as we were done I would kill you for trying to sleep your way to the top and manipulating me. So while I’m sad I won’t get to tap that ass, I’m happy you wanna be here and do your job, I need your talents and skills. So, grab me a coffee, as black as my soul and as hot as you, then get started on whatever the previous incompetent assholes left behind.”     After hearing that speech, Rhys decided to do the best he could at his job so he could stay around Handsome Jack for as long as he wanted him to stay. He hoped that even though Jack was definitely joking about wanting to have sex with him, he was being serious about needing him to stay around and use his talents to help him.
     ‘Hopefully, someday Jack and I can become closer, maybe even become friends. That’d be a dream come true. I guess only time will tell…’

Alrighty everyone, now this is the actual end of the chapter. Sorry for the rick-roll earlier…Actually, I’m not really sorry, but I’ll say it anyway ;P Hope you enjoyed it, sorry if the ending was kinda weird- I didn’t really know how to finish this chapter honestly XD      I’m about to start a new job with more hours, which means I’ll be busier than before, but I’m getting more ideas and motivation which meanssss…… I’ll finally be back into writing more, so hopefully that means I can get these chapters out more regularly for y’all. Very soon the action is gonna kick up dramatically and it’s gonna stay up for a long time. SO BE PREPARED ;*Toodles,~Bailey