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When Alina first sees the woman after escaping the three rogues, she tries convincing herself that she’s overreacting. After all, the woman is standing too far away to have recognized her. And most Ravkns still don't even know what the sun summoner looks like.She keeps walking through the market. And if she still feels someone’s eyes on her.
Well, she’s too busy with rude vendors and seeing one of the people who tried to kidnap her, to do anything about it.
Wrapping the cloak around her head and making her way out of the market. Only to run right into the same woman. She lets out a screech and staggers back. Almost summoning to defend herself until she remembers she's supposed to be in hiding.
“Alina.” The woman says softly.
“How do you know my name?!” Alina shouts looking her up and down.The woman is a few inches taller than her. Dressed in a plain gray dress with a shorter maroon one over it tied with a matching belt. All under a bright red cloak. The style of dress looks very out of place for the year. Alinas sure she's never seen anything like it.“It’s alright, I can’t hurt you.” The woman holds her hands out In surrender. “but you must go back”“Back where?”“To the little palace. You're not safe out here.”
“What?! Who are you?!”
“That's not important right now,“ the woman says vaguely, and Alina huffs.
“Look, I don't know who you are or how you know who I am, but I am never going back there.”
The woman opens her mouth to respond when a man walks out of the bar next to them. Instead of moving out of the way, the woman looks at Alina sadly. The man seems to not even notice her and while Alina takes a step to get out of his way, the woman doesn't.
Before Alina's eyes, the man walks directly through the woman, her appearance ripples and she vanishes completely. Alina screams in fright. The man flinches his face shifting from shock to outrage.
“What's wrong with you, girl?!” He shouts at her.
Alina tears her eye away from the empty spot where the woman stood to confront the man in front of her. Things only escalate from there.
. . .
After escaping the town, reuniting with Mal, and sorting out their grievances. Alina almost forgets all about the mysterious disappearing woman. That is until late at night after Mal is asleep.
One second,
Alina is sitting peacefully on a rock, alone and the next the woman’s there again. Sitting right in front of her. Much like the first time, Alina squeals and falls backward into the snow.“Where did you come from?!” She whispers sharply, picking herself back up and angrily brushing the snow off her cloak.“So this is the famous Mal.” The woman says instead of answering. Standing up with Alina and looking puzzled at Mal's sleeping shape on the ground.“How do you know so much about me?” Alina questions. “And who are you? Better yet, what are you?! I saw that man walk straight through you!”
The woman's eyes meet Alina’s, and she takes a moment before answering.
“The Making showed me what was necessary.”“What? The making at the heart of the world?” Alina scoffs, feeling even more frustrated and confused.
“Yes, that Making. It showed me enough to understand you.” She says softly.“That still doesn't answer my other question.”
“It’s not so easy to explain,” The woman sighs and doesn't go on. Alina patiently waits for her to find her words.“My Name is Luda. and I died a very Long time ago.”Alina looks at her doubtfully. Really she shouldn’t believe something so ludicrous. On the other hand, Alina did see a man walk through her.“Earlier you said, you ‘can’t’ hurt me. Not ‘won’t’” Alina says, looking cautiously at the woman. “Does that mean you would hurt me if you could?”“No,” She chuckles softly. “It means I can’t and won’t.” She makes a point of this by reaching a hand through Alina’s arm. Alina flinches and then looks at the woman completely astonished.“Saints,” she gasps and goes to sit back down. “Okay. But how come that man walked right through you? Couldn’t he see you?”
“No, only you can see me, Alina.”
“Why me? And why does the Making want you to understand me?”She walks towards Alina slowly. Stopping a foot away from her. Alina says nothing. Allowing Luda the time to gather her words.
“All I know is that I died long ago and was at peace. When suddenly I felt The Making call out to me.” Luda crouches down in front of her. “It showed me your journey and After I saw what Bagrah said to you. I understood that the Making allowed me to come here and stop you from making a terrible mistake.”“What mistake?”
“Leaving him.”
“Leaving?” Alina scoffed. “If you actually heard what Bagrah said then you know I escaped.”
“Alina, how can you trust Bagrah that easily?” She says, sounding exasperated.“Because you heard what she said! He’s the Black Heretic! And he was going to enslave me!”“That’s not true. Bagrah was manipulating you. And the worse part is she did it based on her own misplaced judgment. Not the truth.”
“You don’t know that,” Alina says stubbornly.
“I know more than you think.”“Oh, really how?”
“Because I know the Darkling better than she does.”
“Better than his Mother?” she says sarcastically.
“Oh please, Bagrah was mother to him as much as you were an Otkazat’sya .”Alina gapes at her.
“What is that supposed to mean?” She asks incredulously.
“You weren't a good Otkasat’sya, Bagrah wasn't the best mother,” Luda says with such blasé, Alina almost doesn’t know what to think.
“Having a bad mother doesn’t excuse him for being a murderer.” She replies after a moment.
“He is a General, you don’t go through war without getting blood on your hands.” She says sternly. “Before that, he only ever killed to protect. He did the same for you once.”
“I meant the innocents he killed creating the fold,” Alina bites.“You're just repeating what Bagrah told you. You’ve no proof of him being anything other than the person he said he is.”“What about what he did to me and Mal?” Alina snaps moving to stand and pointing to Mal. “You heard him, he sent me letters. So did I, and the Darkling took them!““Even you have to admit the boy was holding you back!”
Luda says following her. Alina scoffs, shaking her head in denial.“You were too dependent on him. Even now.” Luda continues, trying to catch Alina’s avoiding eyes. “But the second you decided to let him go, you summoned.”
“Oh so, I should thank him? For stopping me from writing someone who’s been beside me my entire life?” Alina tries to sound firm, but it falls flat. “For invading me and Mal's privacy?”“Why are you so insistent on making him your Villain?” Luda says, her voice turning solemn.“Because it all makes sense now,” Alina walks closer to Luda with each word. “Every conversation we shared alone. Every time he made me feel like I was actually important. It wasn't because of me. It was only ever about controlling my power.“
“Alina, those are your own insecurities, they’ve nothing to do with him.” She replies bluntly.“You don’t know me,” Alina says heavily.
“And you don’t know him either.”
“I know everything I need to know about him!”
“You don’t even know his name,” Luda says gently.
Alina flinches away from her. She had never given thought to his real name. After Bagrah had revealed everything about him to be a lie she was too busy fearing and despising him to care.
Tears start to gather as Ludas words sink in. And that small part inside of Alina, the one who thought she had a future with him, ache. Now Alina is faced with the fact that she knows nothing about the Darkling. Which is perhaps the reason why she'd believed Bagrahs words so easily.
“You're right.” She says finally turning back to face her. “I don't, and there’s your proof.”“No, that's not what I meant. His name is.” Luda stutters. “It's not something he gives away easily.”She looks off again like she's remembering. The next words are quiet.
“Not to Anyone. You have to fight for it.”Alina waits for Luda to come back from her memories before snapping.
“I don't want his name.” She bites. “To me, he is The Black Heretic, The Darkling.”
“Those names are only used by people who view him as a monster,” Luda says somberly.
“Isn't he?” Alina replies coldly. But Luda can see the hidden doubt in her eyes.
“If the Darkling truly wanted to take over Ravka he would have done so already,” Luda says irritated.
“He didn't have me then.”“No. He didn't,” Luda looks away again, despondent. “Surely you must know he's waited a long time for you.”“He's been waiting for a Sun summoner to control all these years. Not me.” Alina crosses her arms.Ludas narrows her eyes at Alina as if she's just revealed something crucial. She decides to save that information for later. Right now she and Alina are just moving in circles.“I can't speak for the Darklings' past thoughts, and neither can you,” she says rationally.
“Why can’t you just leave it?” Alina snaps, her patience running out. “I'm not going back!”Before Luda can attempt to say anything else. Alina stands up, rushes past her, and wakes up Mal for his watch. She turns around to see Luda gone.
. . .
Alina doesn’t see Luda the next night or the Next. When Luda finally does appear again Mal has just barely fallen asleep a few feet behind her. And she's startled by Ludas voice.“So,” Alina turns around to see Luda sitting on a boulder next to Mal’s feet. “You’re off to find the Stag?”
“Yes,” Alina keeps her back on Luda. Still upset over their last conversation. “I have to destroy the Fold.”“Is that what you want Alina? Or what everyone else says you have to do?”“Of course, I want to destroy it. ” She bites.“You never had much interest in destroying it when you first arrived.”“That was before,” She says stubbornly.
Luda purposefully says nothing, forcing Alina to continue.
“Before I spent time around Grisha.” she pauses. “Before I started to feel like I belonged.”
‘You are Grisha,’ Luda thinks, slightly irritated. She decides to use her annoyance and try a different approach to Alina’s stubbornness.
“When exactly did you start to feel like you belonged? Tell me was that before or after you stopped waiting for Mal come and solve all your problems.”Alina flinches but sees the trap for what it is and doesn't respond, hoping that if she ignores Luda long enough she’ll go away.“If you cared about the Grisha you would be with them.” Luda tries again. “Instead you abandoned them for your own baseless fears,”“I will not be someone's slave.” Alina growls. Finally snapping back at her. “I’d rather die.”
“This again,” Luda says exasperated. “Tell me something Alina, all those Grisha you saw living in the Little Place, the teachers, the children? Did they look like slaves to you? ” “Stop patronizing me.”“The Darkling has been alive for centuries. Centuries of finding and protecting Grisha. If he was truly as bad as you think he is, they wouldn’t be there.” She tries again softer.
Alina says nothing again, still fuming silently. Finally, she decides to turn the heat on her companion.
“And where do you fit in all this Luda?” Alina turns around to face her. Luda looks at her confused at the change in topic.“What?”
“In which of those many centuries did you know the Darkling?”
“Why do you ask?” Luda tries to hide her nerves.
Her reaction makes Alina think, Luda hasn’t been very upfront about her past. Also, why has Luda never even mentioned the Fold until now? When she’s had no trouble defending the Darkling from everything else. It’s almost as if… Alinas' face slowly goes slack with shock.
“ Saints. You lived before the Fold, didn’t you?”Ludas blinks and stands up slowly.“Tearing down the Fold is not as easy as you think. Even with the amplifier,” Luda says firmly after a few seconds have passed. “And even if you could tear it down, that won't solve everyone's problems. It would only create more.”“ Won't solve everyone's problems ?” Alina repeats outraged. Standing and walking towards Luda.“Tearing it down would mean that people might finally be able to see their families without risking their lives. Or is that not enough of a problem for you?”“That is exactly my point,” Luda states just as firmly. “Otkazat’sya need Grisha to cross the Fold. What do you think happens to us when that problems’ solved? Really think.”“I am thinking.”
“No, Stop thinking like an Otkazat’sya, and think like a Grisha.”
Alina stays stubbornly silent, crossing her arms.“I’ll tell you. As soon as that Fold comes down and there will be no need for our Materialki’s sand skiffs. Or for our Etherealkis to move and protect those sand skiffs. And then all the Otkazat’sya’ will begin to question why they even need our Grisha second army.”“They’ll come after us. Just like before.”Luda says, eyes flickering at Mal.“Things are different now. People are too scared of Grisha to go after them,” Alina says quietly. “They won't attack people they know can easily kill them.”“Alina, you cannot be this naive.” Luda huffs, shaking her head.Alina sits back down and Luda moves to crouch in front of her. She holds her hand out over Alina’s arm.“I’m not saying it to insult you. But you're wrong.” She lets it fall through Alina's, looking at it mournfully.“Men fear that which is incompatible with their definition of normal,” Luda says softly. “And what happens when a man fears something?”
Alina stares as Luda looks up towards the sky. More specifically at the moonlit stars. Her eyes shine distant and fearful as if she were reliving something very traumatic.
“They destroy it.”Alina wants to believe that Luda is exaggerating. However, growing up in an orphanage And living in a war-torn country means she’s not as naive as Luda think she is.“I don't think like an Otkazat’sya,” she mumbles finally, breaking the tension.
“Yes, you do,” Luda says the corner of her mouth lifting.“Why do you say that?”“Because you still view yourself and your powers as separate,” she replies sympathetically.
“You said it before, remember, that the darkling only wanted your power and not you.”Alina had almost forgotten Ludas sudden look of realization at her words.
“You are your power, Alina. One cannot exist without the other.” She brushes her hand over the side of Alina's face as if to caress her cheek. Unsurprisingly, it passes through her, but Alina feels the warmth of the intention behind it.
“And once you see that, you’ll realize that everyone else already has.”
. . .
The next morning, while looking for the Stag, Mal walking a few paces ahead, Alina goes over Ludas' last words.
Alina must admit, if only to herself, that Luda is right about a few things. Her attitude after finding out she was Grisha wasn't the best. She was miserable, stubborn, and frankly a bit ungrateful.
All her life she felt like people never accepted her. And yet when nearly everyone in the Little Palace did that, and more, she didn’t appreciate it.
Luda was also right about her relationship with Mal.
Part of the reason she was so against Grisha in the first place was because of Mal's opinion of them. And her dependency on him had cost the lives of her entire mapmaking unit.But if Luda was right about all of that, then it would make everything she said about her and the Darkling true, as well. Has she really been letting her insecurities influence her opinions on the Darkling?
Alina's train of thought is broken by Mal suddenly stopping in front of her.
“This way,” he says, moving forward.
She follows him into a clearing and almost gasps at the sight of the Stag.
After years of seeing it in her dream, she thinks he is even more stunning in person. Alina is star-struck and while Mal is helping her line up the shot she hesitates.“Wait,” Alina says, lowering the shotgun. “Maybe there’s another way to do this.”
She walks away from Mal and towards the Stag. Confident that it won’t run away or hurt her.
“It’s Beautiful.” A voice says next to her.
Alina glances at Luda, but her eyes are on the Stag. She, like Alina, looks enraptured by it. And in a moment as monumental as this Alina remembers that Luda is dead.It hurts her heart a little to think about it. And how over the past few days, even though they’ve argued for most of it, Alina has bonded with someone who lived and died long before her time. And she doesn’t know how much time she has left with her.
“It is.” She replies softly, so Mal can’t hear her. Then turns to keep approaching the Stag.
Once in front of it, she slowly reaches out to touch it. In no way is Alina ready for the amount of overwhelming power that rushes through her.She beams brilliantly as light shines all around her. Turning to smile at Luda. She finds her smiling back. They both chuckle.
Luda instinctively reaches for the Stag and gasps when her hand doesn’t vanish through it. But lands solidly on its fur. She smiles widely, running both her hands on the animal excitedly.
She looks at Alina who smiles encouragingly. Luda quickly thinks something over then reaches out for Alina’s other hand. This time it’s Alina’s turn to gasp.“I can feel you.” She says to Luda astonishingly.
“It seems the Stag amplifies me as well.” Luda smiles and Alina holds onto her hand tightly.
The joy is ripped from them when an arrow pierces the Stag from behind. The animal cries out as it falls.
Alina’s hand slips through Ludas as they both release the Stag, losing its amplification.Alina falls next to the Stag while Luda stands across from her looking around in terror.
Alina recognizes Ivan as he runs out from the trees. And to her growing horror, sees Mals Arrow fly and hit his chest.“No Mal wait!” Alina shouts.
If Ivan is here then the Darkling is not far behind. And although her feelings for him are very conflicted at the moment. The Stag is more than enough of a casualty for her right now. She doesn't want things escalating.Unfortunately, Mal either can’t listen or won’t, and before she can do anything he aims the next arrow at the Stag. Zoya appears out of nowhere, saving it, but then Mal turns his aim towards her.
Alina is shocked by Mal's sudden aggression. And towards a woman, he had flirted with so casually mere months ago. Although she and Zoya were never friends, she can’t help but feel protective of someone she now recognizes as one of her own.
Fortunately or unfortunately, Alina doesn't need to worry about Zoya because in the next second Mal has an arrow in him and is being Heartrenderd by a very pissed-off Ivan.
“No Stop!” Alina shouts running to Mal. Fear for him taking over. She doesn’t even wait for them to stop their heart rendering. Sliding in the snow next to him she immediately tries to pull out the arrow.“No Alina, don't! That arrow is the only thing keeping him alive!” Luda cries out.
Alina jumps, taking her hands away from Mal. She is just starting to worry about what to do when the shadows start moving.
All rational thoughts flee from her mind and she acts instinctively in fear. Scrambling back to the Stag and she sends up a force field to intercept the Darklings' cut.
“You can’t save them, Alina. You may have the power of light, but not the power to heal.”
Luda looks at both Alina and Aleksander. His fear of being alone is going to push Alina further away. And the more he talks the greater Alina's fear becomes.“Alina, listen to me! I know you're afraid but so is he!” Luda tries desperately.
”This Is him scared?!” She whispers back incredulously.
“Yes. He’s only afraid of losing you,” she tries, but the panic doesn’t leave Alina’s eyes. And if
Luda doesn’t think of something fast, Aleksander's fear will destroy them.
The making sent her here for a reason. It allowed her to appear to Alina for the first time in Ryevost for a reason. Finally, it hits her. All this time Luda has struggled with convincing Alina to believe in Aleksander, but the answer has been there from the beginning.She has to show Alina her Death.Rushing towards Alina, Luda falls next to her and places one hand on the Stag, and the other reaches for Alina’s face.
“What are you doing?!” Alina asks, trying to back away from Luda but with her hand on the Stag, she can’t go far.“I’m sorry, I don’t know if this is going to work but it’s the only way you’ll understand.”
She closes the distance and as soon as her fingers brush Alina’s temple the world goes a blinding white, then fades to black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Before Alina can truly start to panic, her eyes adjust. She looks around her and realizes they’re still sitting on the forest ground, only there's no snow. And she and Luda are completely alone.“I can’t believe it worked,” Luda says breathlessly, taking in the view before her. She moves her hand away from Alina’s temple slowly.“Can't believe what worked? And where are we?!”
Luda ignores her and moves to stand up. Leaving Alina to scramble up after her. Ludas eyes are now locked on a house a few feet away from them. Alina hadn't noticed it before.
It’s small, dark, and looks abandoned. There’s nothing really special about it. Luda, however, looks frozen. Before Alina can ask her what’s wrong something so much more confusing happens.The Darkling arrives on horseback.
Shocked, Alina thinks that he looks…different. Though she can't tell what it is exactly. Something about This man just does not look like the Darkling she knows. And She has the feeling that the longer hair and vintage clothes are only part of it.She struggles to take her eyes off him. However, She's very quickly forced to, by the door to the house opening behind her. Alina turns around to see…Luda.
“Luda, What is this?” She asks, reaching out to grasp the Luda next to her sleeve.
“Aleksander!”
“Wha- is that his real name?” Alina stumbles looking back and forth between both Ludas incredulously. Aleksander and his Luda walk toward each other, stopping a few feet in front of Alina.
“You’re here.”
As Aleksander hugs his Luda, the one next to her turns away from the scene to face Alina, eyes moving frantically. Her other hand covers the one Alina has rested on her arm“I’m sorry, I thought I could watch but I can't. Just stay close to him.”
“You never told me,” Alina says, distractedly still looking at the pair in front of her.
“Not fragile, Just mortal.”
“You never asked,” Luda replies melancholic. Then vanishes.“Luda!” Alina stumbles glancing around for her. She sighs and tries focusing on the Darkling and younger Luda.
She also tries thinking about what this is. The answer appears to be quite obvious. Somehow she and Luda must have either entered Ludas memories or traveled to the past.
Which sounds impossible but then again so is Luda. And if they are in the past, and Luda lived before the Fold. That means she would have to be over 400 years in the past.
But the other question is why did Luda not tell Alina that she and Aleksander were… in love.Luda said she knew the Darkling very well, but she never clarified what their relationship was. And Bagrah had assured her that the Darkling was incapable of Love. So of course Alina never thought about what Ludas relationship to him was. Alina thinks she understands why Luda said she knew Aleksander better than his mother. And seeing them together now, she knows Luda was right.
There is no denying he loves Luda. The gentle way he holds her, and the enamored look in his eyes. The worst part of it is that Alina knows that look, she often caught him staring at her like that.
“Soldiers.”
Alina is broken out of her thoughts at Luda and Alkesanders sudden topic change. She struggles to follow along with their words. A village raided for Grisha? Why? She Knows from Ivan and Luda's insinuations that life for Grisha wasn't always easy. But it isn't until right now she realizes how much. And how little she actually knows about their past. She’s suddenly feeling very guilty for not picking up a Grisha history book from that enormous library.
“And Bagrah?”
“She led the others to the sanctuary.”
Alina follows them inside, her mind still racing. She's also especially curious about Ludas reaction to Aleksander asking about Bagrah. She wonders when she’ll see Luda again so she can ask.
“Remember Ryevost?”
Alina blinks, Luda first appeared to her in Ryevost. That can't be a coincidence. She almost stays inside the house with Luda, before she remembers her Luda said to stay with Aleksander. She follows him outside.Where a group of soldiers are surrounding the house. ‘This can't be good,’ She thinks. Alina is once again shocked by Aleksandrs behavior. The same man who silenced an entire tent with one barely audible word. Now holding his hands in surrender to an Otkazat’sya army.
“But maybe you resisted. So…”
Alina recoils sharply at Aleksander getting Shot. Only after he stands is she able to breathe properly, only for him to get shot once more.
It takes him pulling out the second round of arrows for her to realize that this is what Aleksander and Ludas ‘Ryevost’ plan is. An embarrassing amount of time really, which is probably what Luda meant when she said to stop thinking like an Otkazat’sya.Alina is just starting to have faith that their plan will work when a soldier drags Luda out of the House. Her stomach churns, recognizing the look on Aleksander's face as he bargains with the man. It’s the same look he had in the forest. When Luda said he was scared.
“I only need you. Not your healer.”
At that moment, Alina remembers what her Luda said before she disappeared.She couldn't do it. She said.
She meant she couldn't watch her own death.
Minutes before this Alina was worrying about how long she had left with Luda. And now Luda has brought her to the past and left her precisely when she’s about to die.
“I told you, those were not our orders.”
When the blade pierces Ludas' side, Alina and Aleksander scream in unison.
The guards smug, wait while Aleksander, looking more broken than anyone Alina has ever seen, cries earnestly. And as the leader taunts him, Alina sees a small trace of the Darkling she knows appear.
“Yes…This!”
The first time Alina saw him use the cut she was petrified. She hoped she’d never have to see a man being sliced in half ever again. Now she sees a dozen men lose their heads and feels almost nothing. Nothing. She watches as Aleksander gathers himself and rushes for Ludas body.“Luda!” Alina shouts desperately, her tearful eyes turning away from him.
Just as suddenly as Luda disappeared earlier, she now materializes in front of her. Alina crashes her face into Ludas shoulder, tears absorbing into her familiar red cloak.
“Come now, we have to keep going.” She says solemnly. Alina pulls back slowly. Luda gently takes her hands, not before gently brushing away Alina’s tears.Aleksander is still sobbing behind her when their surroundings blur. A second later they appear somewhere indoors. The room they're standing in is dark despite the soft sunrise coming through the open arches. As well as the candles littered around what looks like cots for injured Grisha.Alina hears Aleksander desperately shouting for a healer as he carries Ludas's lifeless body in. The Luda next to her is watching the scene with a heart-rending look on her face.
Alina squeezes the hand still in hers, for both of their comforts.
“Just mortal…Where is Bagrah?”
When Alina sees a young Bagrah she’s stunned. While 400 years is quite a long time, Aleksander still looks relatively the same. But here Bagrah looks so young.
Would Bagrah still look like this if she used her power?
Alina ponders while she watches the scene with interest. She’s not sure she’s ever seen the Darkling in the same room as Bagrah, let alone them speaking to each other.
Seeing the tender way Aleksander treats his mother makes her feel a surge of affection for him. It also makes her wince, this same woman told Alina her son was incapable of this kind of affection.
“They’re punishing us for being Grisha.”
“Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him.”
“I won a war for him.”
“And in doing so, started a war on us.”
Alina watches enthralled and it all clicks. She can’t believe it took her this long to put it together. The King's bounty.The hunt for a Darkling. There was only one part of the Grisha's history that every Otkazat’sya grows up hearing.
She remembers the day by the fountain. The far-away look in his eyes after she recited it to him. The day his Morozov ancestor created the fold.
Is this what Luda brought her here for? To see not just her death, but the creation of something as horrible as the fold.
“Where is the girl? Your healer.”
“I had no idea she cared,” Luda says sarcastically.
Alina is broken out of her epiphany by Ludas voice and takes a second to tear her eyes away from Aleksander to look at her. Luda watches the two shadow summoners with a straight face, but her eyes betray her. Alina suddenly recalls her confusion earlier about Luda and Bagrahs relationship.
“You said Bagrah wasn’t the best mother,” she begins. “But what was your relationship with her?”
Luda ponders for a moment before turning to face her.
“You've met her,” she attempts to joke, then more seriously adds. “Most Grisha live extremely long lives. But Aleksander and Bagrah, like you, are not like other Grisha.” She explains. “They are the only shadow summoners in existence. They will outlive us all.”“Wait, are you saying, I’m going to live as long as them?” Alina’s eyebrows raise. Luda nods.
“But, you asked me about Bagrah,” she sighs looking at the woman in question. “She was always difficult, but even more so with me.”
“She died because of me.”
“She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.”
Alina’s heart breaks at his words, and
Luda looks pointedly at Alina.
“Bagrah never saw the point in making lasting relationships with people they would outlive. She probably wanted to spare Aleksander's heart by teaching him the same. She thought I was a waste of his time.”
“But, then why push me away from him?” Alina asks. “If I’m like them?”
“I don’t know why Bagrah told you those things, Alina.” Luda pauses, thinking it over. “I can only assume that it's because she's really lost all faith in him. And she’s is trying to save him from himself.”
“I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.”
Alina thinks Luda must be right. Before this, she thought surely even though Bagrah didn’t show it. She must at least care for Grisha. Now after what she just heard she knows better.
Bagrah clearly never cared what happens to them. She certainly wasn’t looking out for Grisha when she convinced Alina to run. So why else would she do it, if not some twisted attempt to protect her son?
“You mean to use Merzost?”
Alina whips her head to look at Luda. She looks much the same as Bagrah, eyes wide, face pale. Merzost.
“Aleksander is going to create the fold.” She says gravely. “Isn't he?”
Luda does not answer, still frozenly watching as Bagrah begs him to listen. Alina can see it’s pointless. Aleksander is decided, he will not be moved.
“I forbid it. Now do you hear me?”
Luda looks terrified as they both struggle to follow Aleksanders rushed strides into another room.
“Luda?” She asks worriedly, as Aleksander frantically searches through crates.
“He’s desperate. I’ve never seen him like this.”
Chills break out over Alina’s body as black veins grow along Aleksander's neck, gasping for air as the Merzost grows. Both Luda and Alina reach for each other's hand, holding on tightly.
The bell tolls and they follow Aleksander out of the room as a Grisha woman warns him of soldiers outside. Bagrah gives him one last look, pleading.
He turns away from her, and they both follow him outside.
“Darkling.”
Alina can’t help but flinch, and glance at Luda. Remembering what she said about that name, Alina thinks there's no way she's using it again after this.
“Including your Mother.”
Alina sees Aleksander stop. His face burns with anger. He tries masking it to something resigned as he raises his arms. But Alina sees the cold look in his eyes.Dread clings to her as they make their way further than where Aleksander stops. Standing off to his left.As the Merzost climbs Aleksander's neck once more. Alina finally realizes what's different about her Aleksander and this one.
The Aleksander she saw with Luda earlier hadn't lost himself yet. But this moment changed him forever.
“Submit to me!”
Alina thinks she should feel more horrified at seeing the men turn into volcra, but really her eyes are on Aleksander.
She realizes the attraction she felt for her Aleksander never went away. No matter how many times she told herself she hated him. She didn't, she only buried them deep inside herself.
And for what? Bagrah lied, the history books lied. Aleksander never acted out of greed. Everything he did was to protect Grisha.
She sees his triumphant look turn to fear as the Merzost grows out of his control. Her heart seizes, her face growing wet with tears. Aleksander gasps in pain as the Merzost seems to take and take from him. Then the darkness spills out from him and into the world.
Alina has no doubt this image will haunt her. She will be able to hear Aleksanders scream for the rest of her life. And how the Darkness screamed along with him.
Luda and she are enveloped in the cold darkness, and Alina remembers her first time in the fold. Back then all she felt was fear, but now the sensation is almost comforting. Because although she can feel the corruption in these shadows. They still feel the same as the ones he conjured in the war room that one sleepless night. When she told him he wasn’t alone.
Alina hates that after telling him those words. On the night of the Winter Fete, she’d left him to return to an empty war room, alone.
“Is this why you came to stop me from leaving him?” Alina asks Luda sadly. Still staring off into the dark. “To prevent another fold?”
The volcra screech in the distance around them. From the corner of her eye, Alina sees Luda turn to her.
“No, Alina,” she says carefully. Smoothing her thumb over Alina’s hand. “Aleksander didn’t make the fold out of his grief for losing me.”
Alina looks at her and Luda smiles reassuringly.“His greatest weakness has always been trying to save every Grisha. He never could stand to leave even one behind.” She looks off into the distance like she’s remembering again. “My death was just his final push into desperation.”
“And seeing it all now, I think I know what went wrong. Ilya Morozov used Merzost to create life, not corrupt it.” Luda looks back at Alina. “The Fold was the cost Aleksander paid for trying to do just that.”
“Bagrah was wrong, he didn’t do it for power,” Alina says tiredly.
“No, Aleksander only ever wanted to protect Grisha. He just got a little lost along the way.” Luda replies softly.
Alina sighs, somehow she knows this will be the last time she will see Luda. Her eyes shine with fresh tears as she tries to smile at Luda.
“Aleksander, huh,” she says lightly.
“Yes,” Ludas returning smile is just as painful.
“You said it was something you had to fight for?”
“I did.” She answers, her voice proud.“but…I didn’t, I abandoned him.” Alina says quietly. Luda frowns, taking her other hand in hers.
“You can be there for him now,” she argues. “He needs you Alina, and your love.”“But I don’t know if he and I… feel that way for each other.”
“You have time.” She chuckles. “You have more than enough time”Luda squeezes Alina’s hands again, They can both feel their goodbye getting closer.
“Remember everything I told you, Alina,” Luda says desperately. “Don’t think like an Otkazat’sya.” She then teases.Alina lets out a tearful laugh. Luda smiles tearfully. Alina finally rushes forward to hug her.
“You are your light. Never forget that.” Luda says, holding her painfully tight, brushing Alina’s hair softly with her hand. Alina nods into her shoulder her tears soaking into the fabric again.
“And don’t let him be alone, Alina,” She pleads. “Promise me.”Alina slowly steps away. Knowing this is the end. Taking Ludas hands one more time she says her final words to her friend.“I promise, Luda.”
They smile brightly at each other. And the light blinds Alina once more.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When the light fades and Alina’s sight comes back. No time has passed. Mal is still writhing on the ground with an arrow sticking out of him. No one has moved an inch. The only difference is that Luda is gone. She feels a stab of pain as she looks at Ludas empty spot, her face still damp from the tears.“Give me the stag and I will have my healer save him.”
She quickly whips her head to look at him, and her heart leaps. Alina feels an overwhelming burst of emotions for him. She immediately lowers her shield. Knowing it's the quickest way to de-escalate the situation. She then tries to think of what to say, with Ivan present, she’ll have to use half-truths.“No,” Mal winces. Trying to reach for his knife.
“Mal, It’s alright,” She says to him quickly before he can finish. “We’re safe now, I told you he would find me,” she adds with a reassuring smile.
Not a lie, she did say Aleksander would Hunt her down. Mal looks at her completely flabbergasted. While Aleksander simply raises an eyebrow at her in confusion.“I’m sorry, Mal found me being chased by first army soldiers after I had escaped my kidnappers. He's a bit overprotective.”
Again not technically a lie since that was their original plan, she just almost made it easier for them. Aleksander looks at her almost hopefully. She breathes a small sigh of relief that her plan is working.
“I will explain everything, just please, I don't want him to suffer.”
Aleksander's eyes flash with hurt, and he glances at Mal.
“I have given you my word the tracker will not be harmed-.”
“No, No, I meant the Stag.” She quickly interrupts gesturing behind her.Both Aleksander and Mal once again look at her in disbelief. Aleksander recovers first and nods his head slowly.“Of Course,” He says calmly but still looking slightly baffled by her. She gives him what she hopes is a reassuring look. He walks over to her maintaining eye contact and kneels next to her.
“Is there no other way?” She pleads. Aleksander looks at the stag and her, clearly thinking it over.
“No, I’m sorry. But no matter how you claim the amplifier, the animal still dies.”
Alina ponders over her next move. Aleksander has already tried to kill the stag, and while she's not sure how it would work, surely that's how he meant to control her.“I can’t do it.” Alina shakes her head sadly. Still running her hands gently over the Stag's fur as the animal whines softly.
‘Let him kill it’ she thinks, it won't matter. Looking into the Stag's eyes, somehow she knows deep down that even if he tried to take control of her powers, it wouldn't work. The Stag chose her. She’s dreamt of it for years and it came to her. His power is nobody's to claim but hers.Aleksander nods, then hesitantly holds out his hand. She eagerly accepts it, and he carefully helps her stand up. Walking them a few steps back, to avoid the blood, he then gestures with his hands and slits the Stag's throat. She flinches, turning to hide her face in the fur on his shoulder.
Alina feels heavy all of a sudden. She is not exactly sure how the Making allowed her and Luda to experience what they did. Be it a vision or actual time travel, it seems she hasn’t escaped it unscathed. Her body and mainly her emotions have been through so much in so little time.
That she’s suddenly exhausted. And Aleksanders has always made her feel so safe. Alina tugs him closer by his cloak. He tenses at first, then slowly he relaxes. Shifting his body so she can lean into him more comfortably and he places an arm around her slowly.
“Are you alright?” He asks quietly. His concern is prominent.
Alina tries nodding her head ‘yes’ when a wave of dizziness hits her and she groans.“I think I might faint.” She barely gets out.He tenses again and quickly bends down so he can lift her into his arms. Alina circles one arm around his shoulder and the other clutches the collar of his Kefta. She sighs in relief, closing her eyes and pressing her nose against his neck. Relishing in the warmth and safety he provides.
“Alina,” Mal grunts worriedly. The guards must have him now as she can hear him struggling. Aleksander simply walks past him.
“Fetch the healer for Miss Starkova, and bring me its antlers.” He orders, his voice commanding.
But it softens when he leans his head down to quietly tell her; “You keep surprising me, Alina”
It’s the last thing she hears before finally succumbing to sleep.
. .
When Alina wakes up, she feels bed sheets beneath her fingertips. Awareness slowly comes back to her, and she opens her eyes inside what looks to be a tent. Alina is tucked under the covers still wearing her clothes, minus the cloak.
She can tell from the design of the tent that it must be Aleksanders. Black sheets, Golden pillows, not to mention the giant solar eclipse banner on the wall. The tent is extremely dark, even while lit with Candelabras. Meaning it’s probably nighttime, but is it the same night, or was she asleep for an entire day?Alina decides to take care of herself first before thinking of anything else. She carefully gets out of bed and heads for the tray of food on a small table at the foot of his bed. Eating slowly while drinking small sips of water.
Because even before the time travel/ vision, she and Mal weren’t exactly eating and sleeping well. Her body feels somewhat sore.
After she’s done eating she peaks outside the tent to see the heart render who shot Mal and an Oprichniki. Not surprising.
She turns around and thinks about what’s next. the forest is outside and it’s freezing; so she assumes they’re still near the Fjerdan border. She hopes she was convincing enough to Aleksander. But if she has been asleep for more than a day that would’ve given him plenty of time to talk to Mal.
Alina's stomach twists with guilt. Mal already had an extreme prejudice against Grisha. All the things she told him made it so much worse. Who knows what kind of horrible things Mal might have told him? She only hopes Aleksander is willing to listen to her before doing something drastic.
Taking off the jumpsuit she looks through Aleksander's wardrobe and slips into one of his more comfortable pants. She moves back to the bed and lays down on top of the covers to wait for him to arrive. She's almost fallen back asleep when she hears the rustling of the tent. Her eyes open to see Aleksanders back.
“Wait!” she says before he can leave. He freezes but doesn't turn around when he speaks.
“I apologize, my guards said you were awake,”She smiles, he sounds like he always does with her. Not the cold unfeeling general, but the soft-spoken Aleksander. Alina sits up and swings her legs off the bed.
“I was- am” She stumbles. “I was waiting for you.”
He turns around in time to see her embarrassed smile. She takes a moment to look him over, he's still in his signature black kefta, minus the cloak he wore in the woods. The corner of his mouth lifts up slightly as he notices her eyes rooming over him. He quickly does the same to her before he begins walking further into the tent. He stops to bring a chair to the edge of the bed and sits down in front of her. His hand reaches out to her and hesitates; she gently takes it with both of hers and rests them on her lap.“Alina,-" He stops, seeming to struggle with his words, eyes falling down to their hands. He sighs and then looks up at her. “You said you would explain.”
She hesitates, clutching his hand tighter, she knows she has to tell him the truth. But admitting that she left will hurt him. She braces herself to deliver the first blow.“I want to start by apologizing, I wasn’t kidnapped. I left.”
She sees his gaze harden immediately. Panicking Alina tightens her grip on his hand and quickly reaches out for the collar of his kefta.
“Wait, please, I didn’t lie before. And I know it was wrong, But when you left me that night your mother came. She told me you were The black heretic. She preyed on all my insecurities and told me that I had to run or risk becoming your slave.” She breaks off looking down at their hands.“I left thinking the worst of you.”After a few seconds of silence, She risks a now slightly tearful look at Aleksander. He’s staring at her intently.“What insecurities?”Aleksander asks gently.
“That it was never about me, all you wanted was my power,” she says quietly. He rubs her hand with his thumb gently.
“Do you still believe that?”“No,” she says vehemently. Releasing his collar to bring her hand to his face. “She was wrong about everything. Or she purposely lied to convince me. But I know now your main goal has always been to protect Grisha.”
“What changed?” he asks, almost mesmerized by her defense of him. Alina lowers her hand back to his and takes another deep breath.
“Before I start. What I am about to tell you will sound impossible, I know.” She scoffs. “ But I am willing to have Ivan present so he can prove to you I'm not lying.”
He furrows his brows deeply at her. Then shakes his head slightly. “I can tell when you're lying, Alina.”
She tilts her head at that, “Alright, but the offer stands.”She sighs before starting from the very beginning. Bagrah telling her to hide, but instead, she snuck out and into the carriage. Then escaping the three Ketterdam thieves, meeting a Woman, and a man who walked through her.
Through it all his face remains a blank mask. But she can see emotions flicker in his eyes. Especially when she gets to the man who tried to attack her. His eyes burn with fury at that. Then jealousy when she gets to meeting Mal in the woods.
“When we settled in for the night, and Mal had gone to sleep, the woman appeared again.” She pauses, steeling herself. “She said that she had died long ago, but the making allowed her to appear to me, to stop me from making a terrible mistake.”
“Which was?” he asks, looking more and more confused the longer she talks.
“Leaving you.” The corner of her mouth lifts up in remembrance of that conversation. “But more importantly, she told me her name…It was Luda.”
Aleksander freezes. His eyes widen and a thousand emotions cross his face. Shock. Recognition. Disbelief. and finally, Sorrow. He pulls his hands away from her slowly. She doesn't want to let go at first but allows him his space. He stands up even slower, turning around his back tensing up.
“Do you need Ivan?” She asks gently. He shakes his head.
“It’s been so long…I...I had almost forgotten.” He struggles. When he turns around she sees that his eyes shine with unshed tears.
“What?” She asks after he doesn’t finish.
“Her name.”Alinas' heart breaks. She had known Luda for far less than he did and she already missed her greatly. She can't imagine his pain. “I'm so sorry,” she says gently.He sighs, this conversation is not at all going like he thought it would. Aleksander walks back to the chair standing behind it. Resting his hands on the back of it supporting himself physically and emotionally. He looks at her and Alina realizes he wants her to continue.
“We argued for days. She tried very hard to convince me that Bagrah was wrong and to give you another chance. But I was so stubborn.” She sighs. “When we found the Stag, everything changed.”Alina explains how Luda was able to feel when touching the Stag, their joy, and the fear she felt when he arrived. How she tried to stop Mal from attacking because already she was beginning to doubt. When she goes over Luda taking her to the past she has to stop and remind him about Ivan because he's looking at her so bizarrely. He shakes his head again so she goes on, only summarizing her and Luda's reactions, as she's pretty sure he knows his side of the story.
She doesn't tell him the details of her and Ludas last conversation. Maybe one day she will, but for now, it stays between her and Luda. During her recounting Alina grows more and more distressed. Her voice trembles when she gets to the making of the Fold. Feeling as if she's there in the moment again, Alexanders' scream growing louder in her mind.
The Aleksander in front of her, seeing her distress, quickly moves from behind the chair to sit down next to her. He slides a hand under her and brings her legs over his lap to wrap her in his arms. She easily sinks into him crying into his neck as he gently rubs her back.
“I’m sorry Milaya,” he soothes. “You shouldn’t have had to see that.”
Alina waits for her tears to stop before she shakes her head pulling away from his neck.
“No, Aleksander I had to-“ She doesn’t even notice the slip at first.
But he freezes, She looks up to see him already looking at her. His eyes are dark and his hand finds the side of her face like that first night in his war room. She shudders, remembering the significance of saying his name. He then shuts his eyes and lets his forehead fall against hers.
“Again.” He whispers, voice heavy. Her breath wavers when he moves his mouth to hover over hers. As if he wants to feel the way hers move to form his name.
“Aleksander.”
He seals his lips onto hers before she's finished. His mouth moves against Alinas with complete desperation, feeling the longing and loneliness he suffered in her absence in the tremble of his lips. He bleeds his hunger for her by the grip he holds on the back of her neck. His other hand runs along her thigh and up to her shirt. Pulling the already flimsy edge down revealing her shoulder. Alina curls her fingers through his hair tugging him closer.He gently sucks on her lower lip before breaking away. He moves down to kiss as much of her formerly covered skin as he can. Alina is still catching her breath when he speaks again.
“My Alina.” He sighs against her throat, “You have seen the darkest parts of me,”
He lays a final open-mouthed kiss on the corner of her jaw. Once more he leans his forehead against hers and asks;“Will you turn away?”
Alina pulls back to look him straight in the eye.“No. Never.”
This time she moves first. Drawing his lips back on hers, she slides her hand out of his hair to start unbuttoning his kefta. She then breaks away from him, leaning back and forcing him to chase her lips.Aleksander follows eagerly, understanding what she wants. He places his hands on her hips and slides her to the middle of the bed. Her head lands softly on the pillows, he breaks away from her lips only so he can rip the kefta off his shoulders. He slowly lays between her legs, softly gripping her thigh. Alina places her hands in his hair again, pulling him in close. He lays a few more chaste kisses before stopping.
“I think," he says, nudging her head with his after she tries kissing him again. "It’s time to rest.” Alina huffs but she knows he’s right. There is still so much more they have to discuss.
“You’ll stay?”“Of course,” he nods against her forehead.
Alina sighs and lets go of him slowly. He gently moves off her and gets off the bed so he can lift the covers for her. She pulls the sheets under her chin and turns on her side her back facing him. She briefly hears him getting rustling around getting ready to join her. When he's done he gently slides his hand around her waist pulling her against his chest.“Goodnight, Aleksander.” She whispers. He hums, at the sound of his name. Placing a gentle kiss on her neck.
“Sweet dreams, My little Saint.”
. . .
When Alina wakes a second time it's to soft caresses and even softer kisses. Together she and Aleksander dress and receive breakfast. During this, he confirms Alina's suspicions about her being asleep for a full day. And his talk with Mal which was much worse than she predicted. While she can't help but laugh at Aleksander's imitation of Mal’s ‘Shadow Man’ nickname. She tells herself she needs to talk to Mal very soon.
He then presents her with the Stag necklace. The rush of power Alina feels is Invigorating. Aleksander smiles as she makes the room shine, with hardly any effort. Shortly after that, they all begin getting ready to head straight to the little place. Whatever plans Aleksander may have had are sidetracked by her revelation.
Outside and before stepping into the carriage, Alina manages to convince Aleksander to let her and Mal share it just until the first stop. He begrudgingly accepts after a fierce and possessive kiss that almost has her changing her mind. He smugly walks away and she turns around to see Mal's furious face.
It's not an easy conversation after that. Mal is unmovable, he barely lets her get a word out and the more he talks, the less Alina wants to share Luda with him. She finally manages to shut him up long enough to invent some story about how touching the stag of the general's ancestor granted her a vision. Not a complete lie, but he refuses to believe her regardless.
Mal's behavior hurts but Alina is finished making decisions about her life that revolve around him. When the carriage stops Aleksander has a saddled horse and a signed mission report explaining Mals' invaluable assistance. He leaves her with a stiff hug and a dark look at the Shadow man behind her.
Aleksander and her travel the rest of the way in the carriage together. They arrive at the Little Palace early in the morning, to news of the King being severely ill and the Queen in isolation. Alina looks suspiciously at Aleksander and he returns her gaze with a blank face. She huffs and turns away from him heading to her room, she smirks as she hears his boots trailing quickly after her.
“Alright,” she says finally turning around to face him after he's closed the door to her room. “Now it's your turn to explain.”And explain he does. He begins with his execution of the conductor, who she can't feel too sorry for, seeing as Marie was almost murdered. He then explains the search for her and the plan to control her power and expand the fold after thinking she left him. Which is painful but expected, and does not hurt as much as the explanation he gives when she asks after the King.
“What kind of choice is that?!” She shouts furiously after he's finished talking.
“It was the only one I could give her,” he says desperately. “I told you when you first came here, he is the King. My influence over him can only stretch so far.”“So even if she'd asked for protection, you wouldn't have given it to her?!”
“No, that's not-” He brakes off. “I would have done everything within my power to keep her safe,”
he finishes firmly.
They stand there in silence after that. Alina slowly turns away from him and slumps down in the chair by her table, deep in thought. Aleksander patiently stays in the same spot. She knows that the only way she can let go of that situation is by speaking to Genya. And whatever choice she makes Alina will support her, even if it means Regicide. Especially Regicide.
“Is that everything?” She finally asks.
“Yes.”
She sighs deeply, closing her eyes and calming her emotions. Then she holds out her hand to him. Keeping her eyes closed she feels his hand take hers, as he walks over to her. She finally opens them after she hears him kneel before her. He's giving her that look again, the one he used to give Luda. The look he has when he's afraid he'll lose her. She interlaces their hands on her lap, while the other caresses his cheek.
“I need to see Genya.” He immediately starts nodding.
“I send for her immediately.” his thumb rubs her knuckles.
“No more secrets,” she says sternly. “I understand that you felt the need to withhold things and spy on me before. But never again, Aleksander.”His eyes flutter when he hears his name, and her heart aches. Alina makes it her mission to use it as often as possible, in hopes of getting him used to it.
“If you want me as your equal then you have to start acting like it. I know we won't agree on everything. So we’ll just have to compromise. Don't just do it your way.”“I swear it,” he says earnestly. “And I will teach you everything I know, about everything, starting with your Summoning. From now on I will train you, not my mother.”She smiles at his enthusiasm and runs her fingers through his hair gently. He leans into her hand.
“Well, Luda did say I needed to stop thinking like an Otkazat’sya,“ she teases. “And I will gladly accept your training if it means no more bruises and drugged teas”
He smiles sadly at Ludas remark. Then flashes angrily at her description of Bagrahs lessons.
“She what?”Alina ignores him in favor of gently but firmly kicking him out of her room demanding he send Genya. She then rushes to her bathroom to bathe and change into something more comfortable before Genya arrives lest she faces her wrath. By the time she has scrubbed every filthy inch of her body and dressed into her usual under clothes but forgoing the kefta. She walks out to find her table filled with breakfast and Genya.
She immediately rushes over dragging Genya out of the chair and into a crushing hug. Genya fusses over her after they break away. Complementing her new amplifier and insisting she eats due to how awful she looks. Alina only manages to eat due to Genya talking nonstop about all the gossip she missed at the palace.
Eventually, she runs out and Alina hesitantly brings up the King. Genya seems to pick up on the fact that she knows and the conversation flows much faster after that. And it's settled Genya wants her Revenge. Alina offers her support and lets her know that it is not in vain.
“I have made it very clear to the General that we are equals. That means no more hiding my letters and keeping me out of his plans. From now on any decision involving Grisha will be made together.”Genya reads between the lines. Raising her eyebrows slightly.
“Perhaps, it's him I should have cautioned about powerful women.” she teases with a smirk.
. .Alina spends the rest of the day with Genya. They talk and Alina tells her parts of the truth. Ones that will not reveal too much of Aleksander's past. She tells her that she does not intend on seeing Bagrah for a long time, and Genya agrees. After hearing just how far Aleksander would have gone if she had stayed away. She can't forgive her for almost dooming their lives and the lives of those who would have fallen victim to their conflict. Of course, Bagrah is not entirely to blame and she does try to remind herself to later encourage Aleksander to make his peace with her.Aleksander doesn't come back to her room, and after recent revelations, she does not intend on seeking him out. But eventually, her heart wins, and after a futile attempt to sleep in her own bed.
Alina gets up and ties her velvet robe around her and makes her way out of her room. Feeling a sense of deja vu as she walks to Aleksanders.Funnily enough, he's in the same spot as the last time. Frowning over his war table. She smiles to herself before schooling her features into something more serious.
“What are you doing?” she asks. He whips his head to face her and his entire posture relaxes.
“Re-thinking all of my plans,” he says softly. She feels a surge of affection for him. Every action he’s made since the Stag has been slowly breaking down every one of her insecurities. Filling her with hope for their future.
She walks over to join him, and he opens his arms for her. But Alina just takes his hand and begins pulling him to his bedroom. Alina stops abruptly, Aleksander lightly bumping into her, when she sees his bed is littered with books and paperwork.
“Sasha,” she whines. “What is this?” She laughs turning to face him.
The smile falls off her face as she takes in his reaction. His eyes are glassy and he looks at her in complete awe.“What?” she asks, softly rubbing his hand with her thumb.
He simply takes her face in his hands and slowly bends down to capture her lips. Alina melts into his embrace. Moving her arms under his to rest against his chest. There is a sweetness to this kiss. Like the sunrise after a stormy night. After parting he rests his forehead against hers.
“Come on, time for bed,” she says softly after a moment.
She slowly moves away from him and together they start to gather up the mess of paperwork. After moving everything over to his even more crowded desk. Alina begins to undo Aleksander's robe, she tries very hard not to react at his bare chest when she opens it. He chuckles softly so she figures he noticed anyway. He then takes hers off in turn and they both crawl into bed together.
. . .
Time passes, and Alina and Aleksander spend most of their days together, training, planning, arguing, and eventually making up. Like Alina said it would. It is not easy, Aleksander has spent years fighting alone, slowly losing his humanity. And Alina’s moral compass is sometimes too strong for her own good. But after every argument comes the conciliation, Alina learns a new lesson and Aleksander gains back a piece of his humanity. He is not perfect and still very ruthless towards their enemies. But it doesn't bother her too much, she is perfectly content in being the light to his darkness.
Sometime after the Stag. Alina tells Aleksander she loves him. She's not sure what exactly made her say it but one night after getting ready to go to bed, Their goodnight kiss turned a little more heated than usual. And pretty soon Aleksander ended up between her legs, his mouth stealing the air from her lungs. He stopped just long enough for her to breathe and she said it. He froze like he was waiting for her to take it back. She didn't, instead, she took his hand and moved it to the edge of her nightgown.
He asked her if she was sure, she nodded smiling, and said it again. She doesn't expect him to say it back and he didn't need to. His love was in every touch, every kiss, and every deep slow stroke of his body within hers. Eventually, his grip turns from gentle to bruising and Alina is begging all the saints it'll show the next day. When finally she exclaims as the light pours out of her. His shadows joining her instantly, shielding her glow from the outside world. Making the moment so solely theirs. They slowly come down together, and are so wonderfully exhausted they fall asleep almost instantly.
The next day is lots of stolen glances, soft parting kisses, and the new tradition of Alina saying ‘I love you’ anytime she can. Always wanting to make up for his years of loneliness in any way she could. She also says it in gratitude. Thankful that she is here with him and able to do so. Not somewhere far away still thinking him a monster.
One day Alina decides to write down her entire experience with Luda in an attempt to never forget the words and lessons she gave her. Soon after she's finished, she finds Aleksander reading it when she walks into his room one afternoon. She's not upset, he knew she was writing it, and she never forbade him to read it. She even keeps the journal in his room because it's the safest in the Little Palace. But it's his reaction to it that makes her pause.
Aleksander is so absorbed in the journal that he still hasn't noticed she's entered the room. His eyes are shining with grief as he reads. She slowly backs away, giving him his privacy.
Suddenly she realizes something she can't believe she hadn't thought of till now. When she first told him the story Aleksander said he had almost forgotten Ludas name. And If he forgot her name surely he's forgotten what she looked like. An idea forms in her head she quickly walks back to her room. She spends the whole rest of the afternoon sketching. She doesn't realize she's late for her usual dinner with Aleksander until a servant comes in and jumps when she sees Alina at her desk. Most likely expecting her to already be gone.
Alina carefully selects the best portrait and runs out of the room. Briefly excusing herself to the woman. Aleksander is waiting for her in his sitting room. Absentmindedly chewing his food while looking over some paperwork. She hides her drawing behind her back and quietly walks in.
“Good evening Sasha.” She says making her way to the table. His eyes find hers and, as always, he smiles widely at her use of his nickname.
“I was beginning to think you wouldn't show.” He says gently. Putting down his work to give her his full attention.
“I made something for you,” she says in explanation. Walking around the table skipping her chair and making her way behind him. He turns his head to look at her curiously happy.
“Oh?”She hums lightly and pulls the picture out from behind her, proudly showing it to him.
“Surprise,” she says softly.His smile drops instantly. She patiently waits for him to gather his emotions. After what seems like a few minutes, his hand slowly reaches out to take the drawing from her.“It's Luda.” his voice trembling like his hand.
It almost comes out like a question so she answers with a gentle “Yes.”
He stares at the portrait until his eyes blur with tears. Alina decides he's suffered in silence long enough and moves from behind him. Gently taking the drawing from him, setting it on the table. He rubs his face trying to stop the tears before they fall. But she takes his hands away and moves between his legs. Pulling his head towards her chest, he immediately wraps his arms tightly around her waist. Finally letting go.“It's alright Sasha, I'm here” She whispers. Soothing a hand through his hair, the other wrapping around his shoulders.
Alina and Aleksander eventually break away after Aleksander's tears have dried. They have dinner and fall into his bed together like they do most nights.And while every time they come together is different, this one feels a lot like their first. Just as slow and intense. This time instead of falling asleep right away they both lay together peacefully. Aleksander on his back Alina draped over him, slow caress letting the other know they are still awake. Eventually, Alina's eyes are having trouble staying open. She decides to say her goodnights before accidentally falling asleep.
“I love you,” she says quietly instead of ‘goodnight.’ Curling closer to him and closing her eyes.
“I have seen your face at the making of the world and there is no one more beloved.” He whispers into the top of her head. Alina is pulling away from his shoulder to look up at him before he is finished with the vow. Her eyes fill with moisture as he looks at her with complete adoration.
“Was that- are you?” She struggles, he wipes away her tear and silences her with an ardent kiss.