Work Text
“Can we get a location?” asked Lance.
Several voices rose up at once.
“I heard mortuary!” said Pidge. Keith hadn’t and wondered if his morbid friend had made it up for the interesting setting.
“Can we get an occupation?” asked Allura.
“Mortician!” was the first shout, which was obviously not what they were looking for.
“UFC fighter!” someone shouted louder.
“UFC fighter,” repeated Keith, before more occupations were named.
“You
would
wanna play the tough guy, Mullet,” whispered Lance.
“Shut up and be a corpse,” he whispered back.
Lance lay down on the stage next to Hunk and Allura. He decided to be a corpse with wide open eyes so he could watch the scene.
“Now which body did you say you were here to see?” Pidge asked Keith, strolling across the stage.
“The one beaten to a bloody pulp,” said Keith, flexing his muscles. The audience tittered, but it was more of a polite laugh than genuine.
“You’ll have to be more specific.”
“The one with the hole in his dick about…” Keith held up his fist. “This big.” Now that got a real laugh and so did Pidge's response.
“Ah yes, the dickhole,” said Pidge, “Right here.”
Pidge walked over and mimed pulling the sheet off of Lance.
“Huh,” said Keith, looking down at Lance’s crotch. “Smaller than I remember.”
The audience laughed at the exchange. Lance was pissed he couldn’t argue back. Hmmm… time to be a zombie, perhaps?
“Brains!” moaned Lance, sitting up.
“None here,” said Keith, putting a foot on Lance’s chest and knocking him back down.
Of course that got the biggest laugh so far! Fucking mullet…
*****
“Thank you everyone!” Allura called out over the applause. “We’ve been the Pala-Yes-Ands and you’ve been so great!”
In unison, they took a bow.
“Welp! We were rusty as fuck!” said Pidge as they all left the stage through the curtains on the side.
“It was Keith’s fault,” said Lance.
“How was it my fault?” asked Keith.
“You always contradict me during the scene! You wouldn’t let me be a zombie! And when I was miming rowing across the Mississippi River, you asked me why I was sitting on the floor.”
“It got a laugh.”
“Yeah, one laugh, but then it killed the entire scene.”
“I think we did great considering we haven’t performed together in a decade,” said Hunk.
“Amazing job,” said Mr. Shirogane, their old drama teacher
–
a.k.a. Shiro a.k.a. Keith’s foster brother a.k.a. the only reason Keith got roped into the school’s improv group in the first place
– joining them backstage. “You’re the highlight of the night.”
“Yeah, I was pretty good,” said Lance, grinning. “And of course Hunk and Pidge. Not to mention Allura. She was amazing.”
Keith glared at Lance. “So everyone was good but me?”
“Where is Allura?” asked Lance, looking around.
“She was called back onstage for something,” said Shiro, with a knowing smile. Curious, Keith turned to go look along with Hunk and Pidge who were already peeking through the curtains, but Lance grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side.
“What’s your damage?” snapped Keith.
“Still waiting on you to apologize for killing our scenes,” said Lance. He was smiling in that cocky Lance way that always irritated Keith back in the day.
“Are you actually mad about that? Who cares? It was dumb performance for the ten year reunion. We’ll literally never perform together again.”
“Oh Keith,” sighed Lance. He closed his eyes and pinched his brows together like what Keith had said caused great grief. “What about the twentieth reunion? Or the fiftieth? Or the hundredth?”
“There’s no way there will be a hundredth high school reunion.”
“You don’t know what kind of scientific advancements there will be between now and a century from now! Medicine is on the cusp of unlocking immortality!”
Keith stared at Lance. “Are you drunk?”
“I might’ve done some shots with the swim team before we went onstage. Whatever! What I really want is to ask you something.”
“Oh,” said Keith, flushing. He hated how Lance still had this power to make Keith go from irritated to flustered in zero seconds flat. Shouldn’t that sensation have finished at the same time puberty did. “Ask away.”
“Do you… Keith…”
“Yeah?”
“... know why we’re called the Pala-Yes-Ands?”
Annnnnd Keith was right back to being irritated. “Because our school mascot is a Paladin.”
“That’s true
and
because no matter what is happening in an improv scene, to keep it moving forward, a performer must augment it by saying, ‘Yes and…’”
“Is that it?”
“No, you say, ‘Yes and…’ then add your own, hopefully funny, piece to the scene.”
“I knew that.”
“Do you? Because you never do it!”
“I do,” said Keith, shrugging up his shoulders. “Sometimes… It doesn’t matter! Our last show ever is over! When am I going to use improv again in my life?”
“Keith… Keith… Keith…,” said Lance, grabbing Keith’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. (Be still Keith’s gay little heart). “Life
is
improv.”
Lance was too close and he smelt way too good. Why couldn’t he have gone bald in their ten years apart?
“If I say I’m sorry, can we go back to the reunion and stop talking about this?” asked Keith.
“Only if you promise me one thing,” said Lance, moving in closer still.
Keith was trying really hard not to look at his lips. “What’s that?”
“Next time we’re in a scene together, say ‘Yes and…’”
“Yes and…” Was it Keith’s imagination or were their faces… getting… closer? He closed his eyes and…
“Yes! Yes! Of course!” The new voice was so loud, Keith jerked backwards.
“What was that?” asked Lance, releasing Keith’s shoulder. With a whoosh of cologne scented air, Lance was walking away towards the wing of the stage.
Helpless and confused, Keith followed him. Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro were already peering out onto the stage where Allura was covering her mouth as a man with long white hair kneeled in front of her. As he stood up and placed a ring on her finger, Keith realized what all the ‘yes’s’ were about.
“Wow,” said Pidge, turning to look at Lance. “How’s it feel to watch your ex get engaged right in front of you?”
*****
“I don’t care that Allura got engaged,” said Lance, pausing to down the rest of his beer. He wiped his mouth and continued, “I’m happy for her. Honestly.” He belched, covering up his mouth with his elbow.
“Yeah, I can tell by your excessive drinking how okay with it you are.”
“She’s a free woman, she can get engaged if she wants,” said Lance, monologuing because that’s what he does when he drinks. “You think I’m not over her? I’m over her. I’m so over her.” Lance reached across the table and grabbed Hunk’s unattended drink. He was off dancing with his wife and being all happy and married so he didn’t need his beer. Beer was Lance’s consolation prize for not being united with his true love in holy matrimony. “We broke up so long ago at graduation. That was like… who knows how many years ago?”
“Ten years ago,” said Pidge. “It’s on the sign behind me.” They pointed to the banner across the stage reading: 10 YEAR REUNION!
“It was
funny
that she dumped me at graduation. It was funny! We’re funny people! We do funny things! That’s what improv is all about, us being funny. Well… not us being funny, but her being funny in her life and me being funny in mine, because they’re separate, you know what I’m saying?”
“Uh huh,” said Pidge, looking away, distracted. “Where’s Keith with that coffee he was going to get you?”
“Oh, Keith doesn’t care about me!” said Lance, lamenting this fact. He lamented it so hard, his forehead hit the table. “Ow…”
“Okay, let’s not smack our faces against the furniture,” said Pidge, pulling Lance back up by the ear.
“Ow! Ow!” yelped Lance, pushing them off.
“Sorry this took so long,” said Keith, placing a cup of coffee in front of Lance. “The bar was busy with real drink orders and it took awhile for them to brew a pot of coffee.”
“See Lance,” said Pidge, “Keith does care about you.”
Keith dropped into the seat beside Lance. “What? No! Who told you that?”
“Ugh, you two,” groaned Pidge, getting up from their table. “Whatever. Keith, you’re on duty babysitting him.
Do not
let him talk to Allura while he’s like this.”
“Drink your coffee, buddy,” said Keith, pushing the mug into Lance’s hands.
“I want three sugars and one cream,” protested Lance, shoving it back.
“I added three sugars and one cream,” said Keith, pushing it towards Lance again, “because I know that’s how you drink it.”
“You remembered?” said Lance, surprised, taking the mug. He took a sip and then looked at Keith who was watching him, quietly. Something stirred inside Lance, filling him with confusion. Normally he’d push it away, but somehow it felt like a good idea to just go ahead and ask Keith. “Hey, earlier… when we were talking… did we almost
–?”
“Lonce!” shouted Allura, drawing Lance’s attention over to the dance floor. “Come meet my fiancé!”
“Okay,” said Lance, getting up. Or, at least, he tried to get up, but Keith got hold of him and stopped him.
“No!”
“Why no?”
“You’re not supposed to talk to her drunk.”
“Keith,” sighed Lance. “What did I say about life?”
“That life is improv?”
“And what did you promise to say to me?”
“Yes and…”
Lance shook off his arm and got up. As he was walking in a straight line (totally, completely straight) he heard Keith call after him, “You said that was for when we were in a scene together!”
Too late. Lance was already shaking the hand of a man called Lotor (weirdass British name) and doing an excellent job of acting sober and being happy for Allura.
“So what about you, Lonce?” asked Allura. “Are you dating anyone?”
“Me, no,” said Lance, hoping it would come off that he was still a playboy stud. Unfortunately, based on the looks Lotor and Allura gave him, he might’ve been coming off as a pathetic loner. At that point, Lance will admit, his pride took over his mouth. “Not dating anyone because I’m in a serious committed relationship with someone.”
“You are?”
“Yes,” said Lance, “and… I’d love for you to meet my, uh, paramore.”
“Oh, are they here?” asked Allura.
“Yes…”
“I didn’t think you’d RSVP’d with a plus one…” Right. Because she was an organizer so she’d know. “Is it someone we went to school with?”
“Yes and… uh…” Lance looked around the room, desperately trying to think of a lie that would get him out of this one. What could he say? That his date went home with food poisoning? Without realizing it, he found himself staring at Keith, who was making confused faces at him. Not now, Keith! Lance needed a plan.
“Is it Keith?” Lance spun back to look at Allura, thrown by what she’d just asked him. Because I always thought he had a thing for you. Made me a bit jealous, I’ll admit.” She laughed and her fiancé laughed too.
Jealous, huh?
“Yes, and…” Lance found himself saying, “we’ve been together a long time. Keith and I. Boyfriend and, uh, boyfriend. Boyfriends, really, if you think about it.”
“Oh Lonce, that’s wonderful!” gushed Allura. Odd. That reaction didn’t sound like jealousy. “I must congratulate Keith.”
“I will pass along your congratulations.”
“Nonsense,” said Allura. “I’ll tell him myself. He’s coming over here right now.”
“What?” gasped Lance, spinning around to see Keith strolling up.
“Were you trying to get my attention a minute ago?” asked Keith.
Fuck.
“Yes,” said Lance, widening his eyes and hoping Keith would read his mind as he mentally broadcast, ‘and please just go with it.’ “I was just telling Allura and her fiancé, Loafer
–”
“Lotor.”
“Right, Lotor
– I was telling them we’re together,” said Lance, slipping his arm under Keith’s elbow and pulling him in tight against his side. “Isn’t that true?”
Lance held the intense eye contact and watched the wheels spinning behind Keith’s eyes. After what felt like an eternity, Keith broke eye contact and said, “Yes and… we are also engaged.”
What?
“What?” gasped Allura. “Lonce, you didn’t tell me! Congratulations you two!”
“He wouldn’t have,” said Keith, answering quickly while Lance just gaped at him. “Because he only just proposed to me before we went onstage.”
“Shut up!” gasped Allura. “You should’ve made an announcement.”
“We would’ve,” said Lance, catching up with the lie, “but Keith doesn’t like all that attention. Some of us know it’s more important to make the experience romantic, rather than showy.” Lance pointedly looked at Lotor and enjoyed the sour look that was returned.
Side bar: Where was Lance in his life that he was feeling satisfaction from bragging about a fictional proposal?
“The only attention I need is Lance’s,” said Keith, readjusting his position so he could wrap an arm around Lance’s shoulders. Lance almost slapped his arm away before remembering to stay in character.
“We’re pretty private in general,” said Lance. “You know… ‘cause of the queer thing.”
“Keith was the only openly gay boy in our class,” said Allura, speaking to her fiancé. “And Lonce, he came out as bisexual… when was it?”
“The day before graduation,” said Lance, with a nervous laugh. “I remember it vividly because we broke up the next day.”
“She dumped you,” said Keith.
“Same diff.”
“You coming out as bi was unrelated of course,” said Allura with a laugh. “So wonderful to see all this worked out in the end.”
“Yes… worked out,” said Lance, trying to swap with Keith so he was the one with his arm around
him,
but Keith immediately switched back. Stubborn asshole.
“So do you two live together?” asked Lotor.
“Yes,” said Lance.
“And,” said Keith, “We have a really big place.”
“Lovely,” said Lotor. “All we have is Allura’s cramped apartment.”
“Sucks to be you,” muttered Lance.
“And of course the Hampton house and the French villa, but those are family owned.”
“Ah, belong to your rich parents and not you?”
“My personally owned flat is in London,” said Lotor, “but I can’t seem to stay away too long from this one.” He took Allura’s ring clad hand and gave it a kiss.
“Normally we don’t mind it being cozy,” said Allura, “but we were just discussing how we’ll possibly throw our engagement party in my one room apartment.” Her and Lotor laughed.
“We have so many friends,” added Lotor with another laugh.
“Too bad,” said Lance, trying to keep the bitter out of his voice. “All of mine and Keith’s friends will fit so easily in our place for our engagement party. Isn’t that right, babe?” Keith didn’t reply right away so Lance elbowed him. “Almost too much room.”
“Yes,” said Keith, coming back into the conversation. “And… we could host your engagement party too!”
“What?” gasped Lance.
“Really?” gasped Allura.
“Yes!
And
we could do it at the same time!”
*****
“Ow my arm!” complained Keith, as Lance dragged him into the bathroom. “Why are you always dragging me away?”
“Do you know what you’ve done?” demanded Lance, releasing Keith.
“Offered to throw a joint engagement party with your ex at our non-existent mansion?”
“Oh, so you do know what you’ve done?” said Lance, sarcastically.
“Of course, you’re the drunk one, not me.”
“That’s worse! Why would a sober person offer that?”
“I was just doing what you made me promise to do!”
“All I asked was for you to pretend to be my boyfriend!” yelled Lance, his voice echoing against the bathroom tile.
“No you didn’t,” said Keith confused.
“I… didn’t?”
“What you did was make me promise to say, ‘Yes and…,’ in our next scene together.
“That wasn’t an improv scene,” protested Lance, even though he’d fully wanted Keith to pretend it was an improv scene at the time, but it backfiring had to be Keith’s fault… right?
“Lance… Lance… Lance…,” said Keith, clapping a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Life
is
improv.”
*****
“I think I need to quit drinking,” Lance said into the mic. “I do things drunk I’d never do sober. Do any of you do that?”
The crowd at Mike’s Open Mic, clapped their approval.
“Do you want to know what I do while drunk?” There were claps to the affirmative. “I do things happy people do!”
This earned him a big laugh.
“Like, seriously happy and well adjusted people. Something I am not when I’m sober.”
“Amen brother!” yelled a regular.
“I got engaged while drunk.” This got a big shocked laugh. “Yeah, to a great guy, known him fourteen years.” That's when the clapping began. “No, no, don’t clap. Only happy people get engaged to great guys they’ve known half their life and that’s not me.”
Lance saw his boss signaling for him to act like an MC and introduce the next act already, but Lance ignored him.
“I did find a loophole though. It’s called faking it. Maybe you’ve heard of faking it until you make it?” The crowd clapped. “Yeah, no. This isn’t it. This is called faking it until you get caught.”
*****
“How’s the food looking, Hunk?” asked Keith.
“Scrumptious! I may have outdone myself,” said Hunk. The marble island was practically buckling with all the appetizers Hunk had prepared for the party.
“I’m confused as to what is going on here,” said Hunk’s wife Shay.
“It’s mine and Lance’s engagement party and we’re in love,” said Keith.
“Yeah, but what is this place? This home is gorgeous!”
“It’s our home that we own and live in.”
“Huh?”
“It’s an Airbnb Keith rented for the night,” said Lance, walking into the kitchen carrying a rose.
“Lance!” groaned Keith. “You’re giving it away!”
“Shay and Hunk already know everything,” said Lance, breaking off the rose's stem and tucking the flower into the lapel of Keith’s suit.
“I thought we were pretending to be engaged!”
“That’s mainly for Allura and Lotor.”
“But why?” asked Keith.
“Yeah, I’ve been wondering that myself,” said Hunk.
“I don’t understand any of this,” said Shay, “and I’m super curious.”
“It’s an improv,” said Lance.
“Just for those two?” asked Keith.
“Consider them key audience members to our…
performance art,
let’s call it.”
“I’m here,” said Shiro, entering with a large gift. “About to celebrate my brothers…” he trailed off and sighed, then added, “engagement.”
“So Shiro is in on the lie?” asked Lance, looking at Keith.
“It would be harder to convince him it’s the truth.”
“I’m just happy we get a gift,” said Lance, accepting the box. “Kinda light though.” Lance shook it, frowning.
“It’s empty,” said Shiro.
“Oh.” Lance pouted and handed it back.
“I didn’t know how far we had to go with the engagement sham.”
“We’re gonna open the gifts, Shiro,” said Keith. “It’s our engagement party. We have to open the gifts.”
“Fine,” said Shiro. “I’ll put something inside it.” He reached out and grabbed the blender off the counter and said, “I’ll be back,” then walked out of the kitchen.
“I guess I’m not making margaritas,” said Hunk.
“Not until after the gift opening,” said Shay.
“I’m glad my family is in Cuba so I don’t have to convince them I’m engaged, nor get them to play along,” admitted Lance.
“Do all the other guests think we’re engaged?” Keith asked Lance.
“Everyone but Pidge.”
“Someone call me?” said the person in question, strolling into the kitchen.
“You told Pidge the truth?”
“Pidge was talking with us five seconds before we made up the engagement lie, they know we haven’t been secretly in love this whole time.”
“I don’t pretend to know anything at this point,” said Pidge with a shrug. “I’m just here for yet another open bar.”
“I’m gonna go mingle,” said Keith, feeling like getting the hell out of that kitchen.
“You? Mingle?” Lance raised a questioning eyebrow.
“I’m playing a part anyway,” said Keith, picking up one of Hunk’s hors d’oeuvres trays. “Might as well act like someone who can mingle.”
*****
Later, Lance caught up with Keith in the Airbnb’s living room. Or maybe it was a sitting room? The mansion they’d rented for the night had multiple rooms where ornate couches and chairs sat on lush rugs covering the marble floor. It was expensive looking, which is odd considering he knew what Keith did for work and it wasn’t rent-a-mansion-for-thousands-a-night-and-still-be-able-to-pay-rent kind of work.
“Hey babe,” said Lance, slipping his arm around the small of Keith’s back. Keith started and arched his back away from Lance’s palm. The exact opposite of how a ‘babe’ should react. Wow. That kinda hurt Lance’s feelings. No, wait, he was just disappointed Keith broke character.
“Oh, hey, babe,” said Keith, realizing it was Lance and then doing the exact same gesture of touching the small of his back that Lance had tried to do to him. Closer now, he leaned in and whispered in his ear. “Who the hell are all these people?”
Lance was going to explain that Lotor and Allura had their own guests when Keith continued, “People keep walking up and talking to me like they know me and telling me terrible jokes.”
“Oh right,” said Lance. “I had to fill out our side of the guest list so I hired some of the regulars from the Open Mic Night at my bar to play our mutual friends.”
“You’re paying them?”
“Only in exposure.”
“Exposure to what?”
“I told them you’re an undercover Hollywood producer. They probably think if they make you laugh, you’ll offer them their own sitcom.”
“But their jokes aren’t funny.”
“I told you, they do Open Mic Nights. There’s no real talent here.”
“Don’t you do Open Mic Nights?”
“Um, I host them? That’s different!”
“Then why
–?”
“Shut up! Lotor and Allura are coming over here!” whispered Lance. “Hello!”
“Hello,” echoed Lotor and Allura.
“Thank you again for hosting here! Your place is lovely,” said Allura.
“Not very personalized,” said Lotor. “Having no photos of yourselves is certainly a choice.”
“We’re minimalists,” said Keith, at the same time as Lance said, “We fired the decorator halfway through.”
“We fired the decorator halfway through because we’re minimalists,” said Keith, threading it together, “and half-finished is enough for us!”
“How’s the food?” asked Lance, trying to swing the conversation away from the home that was not theirs. “Have you tried the food?”
Lotor and Allura looked down at the plates of food they were clearly holding in their hands.
“Yes, Hunk has outdone himself this time,” said Allura.
“We were wondering if this would be a good time to do the speeches,” said Lotor.
“Speeches?” repeated Lance confused.
“Yes, speeches!” said Keith. “And… we have a speech as well!”
“That’s usually the idea at an engagement party,” said Lotor.
*****
Making a joint speech with Keith in his “Yes and…” era was a gong show, but they managed to get through it.
“Nice speech,” said Shiro, when they joined the other guests.
“Too long,” said Pidge.
“Keith kept extending it,” whispered Lance.
“Okay, so when you ramble, it’s
–” began Keith, but Lance shushed him. “That’s exactly my
–”
Shhh!!
Allura got up next and addressed everyone. “I’d like to make a point to thank our hosts and congratulate them on their own engagement.”
Those gathered clapped, turning to look at Lance and Keith. The sound of clinking glass joined the clapping noise. Lance turned to see Pidge, Hunk, Shay, and Shiro clinking their drink glasses with cutlery.
“Kiss! Kiss!” urged Hunk.
“No, no,” said Lance, putting on a smile. “That only works at the wedding.”
But instead of that stopping the clinking, it got louder as others at the party followed suit and began clinking their glasses.
“Kiss! Just kiss!” urged Shay.
“Go on!” said Allura, using her nails to rap against her champagne flute.
Lance turned to look at Keith who was already facing him. Keith shrugged so Lance took that as a go ahead to lean in and quickly peck him on the lips.
Instead of satisfying the jackals, all clapping turned to boo’s.
“You can do a hell of a lot better than that,” said Allura, getting everyone laughing and cheering. Meanwhile, the glass clinking worked up into a frenzy.
So what’s Lance’s next move? Let this house full of people call his bluff or kiss the fuck out of Keith? You better believe Lance wasn’t ready to face the embarrassment that would come with admitting it was all an act because… why? He couldn’t handle his ex being engaged?
Besides, they’d kissed onstage during scenes before. It wouldn’t be the worst thing if they did a bit more than a peck…
Turned out there were worse things than kissing Keith! In fact, the list of things that were worse included most everything bad and some of the good things too.
Keith pulled Lance in tight against him, slipping a hand behind his head as he slipped a tongue into his mouth. It was unexpectedly pleasant. Keith’s lips were soft, but his hands were gruff, causing Lance to get a bit lost in his role and only snap out of it when Keith caved and went up for air. That’s when Lance became aware of the laughs and catcalls around him.
“Alright boys, save it for the bedroom,” said Allura into the mic.
Lance laughed along with everyone else, still distinctly aware that Keith had his hand on Lance’s ass.
“To be serious though,” said Allura. “I’m so happy you two finally came together after all these years. Keith, you are so lucky to have Lance. He is by far the best of my exes.”
“Then why aren’t you marrying me?” called out Lance.
The joke somehow fell completely flat, only getting a couple pity laughs. Meanwhile, the hand on his ass was removed.
“I said exes,” clarified Allura. “I’ve never broken up with Lotor.”
“I was joking!” Lance felt compelled to yell out, but it was too late. The awkwardness was here to stay.
“But I do wanna say, Lance, that you are a kind, creative, and, at times, funny man. Keith, you have a quiet passion that I’ve always admired. Back in school during our improv days, I always enjoyed Keith and Lance’s scenes together. Their styles are completely the opposite, with Lance being so large and goofy while Keith plays the stoic straight man.”
“Not straight!”
“I know! I know,” laughed Allura, “but you get what I mean. Their differences made them great scene partners and I’m so pleased they’re choosing each other as life partners.” Allura raised her champagne flute. “To Lance and Keith!”
“To Lance and Keith!” others echoed.
So Lance drank a toast to himself and his high school friend. As he swallowed back the champagne, he questioned what the hell he was doing with his life to end up in this moment?
****
Lucky it was fun to kiss Keith, because the glass clinking wasn’t a one time thing. It happened many, many times throughout the night. Although Allura and Lotor were subject to the same on-command kisses, it was always when Keith and Lance were near each other that the clinking would return.
At that point the night got a bit blurry. Lance always got a bit wild drinking champagne and he was feeling good. The tunes were bumping, he was in this beautiful house, he had on this nice suit, and he had friends around him. Whether Keith’s affection was faked or not, didn’t matter as it felt nice to touch and kiss and dance with someone.
A new question was forming in Lance’s mind, what could he do in his life to make this moment a real one? Wouldn’t it be something to have a nice house and a fiancé? This thought came up again and again as his eyes met Keith’s while they were dancing.
He was sexy, wasn’t he?
Keith grew up all sexy.
*****
Keith was making out with Lance on one of the fancy ass couches. He couldn’t remember if they’d been cued by the clinking of glass or if the kissing had just
happened.
He couldn’t care less. He was nice and drunk and enjoying Lance way too much. Enjoying his lips and his hands and his ass. He wanted so badly to tug him onto his lap and turn this makeout session into a nice slow grind, but he was aware that they were at a party.
Wait…
their
party. They were at
their
party for
them.
This struck Keith as so funny that he laughed directly into Lance’s mouth and was promptly pushed away.
“What? What’s funny?” asked Lance, his speech slurred.
“I think I ‘Yes and’d’ us a bit too far.”
“Ya think?” But Lance was laughing. “Even so…” Lance leaned over and kissed him sweetly once more. “Please yes this next question.”
“What is it?”
Lance’s hand ran up Keith’s thigh as he whispered in his ear, “Can I get you alone?”
“Well… we did rent this place overnight…”
“That’s a yes?”
“Yes.”
****
Keith hadn’t actually done a tour of this place, so he didn’t know where the master bedroom was located. Yet, here he was, confidently leading Lance by the hand. He arrived at what had to be a bedroom, turned the door handle, and threw the door open.
What he saw will forever be burned into his brain. He quickly covered his eyes and blurted out, “Sorry Allura!” then blindly tried to grab for the door handle. Lance got to it first and closed the door.
Then they were running and laughing.
“I can’t believe Allura’s into BDSM,” laughed Lance.
“I can’t believe Lotor was the one in the stirrups!”
The next bedroom was empty and as soon as that door was shut, Keith locked it. Not a second later, Lance was pulling him towards the bed.
Keith was so ready to do all manner of nasty things with Lance. His ideas for what to do with him had been piling up since his teenage-hormone era (which happened to coincide with his emo-punk era). Bringing up those old imagined scenarios was like opening up an old folder marked PORN from back before he could legally vote. There was some cringe in there, like how he wanted to lose his virginity to Lance while listening to the song Guns for Hands. That he would scratch off the list. Good thing there were classics on there to draw upon.
As soon as they reached the bed, Keith pushed Lance down, then lowered to his knees on the throw rug. Blowjobs were always a classic. Lance pushed up onto his forearms and watched as Keith unzipped his pants for him.
“Keith,” whimpered Lance.
He was hard already and had the most beautiful long smooth dick Keith had ever seen. Maybe he would’ve liked anything Lance had to offer him as long as it stood at attention for him, but he wanted to show particular affection for this exceptionally beautiful cock.
Keith pressed a heavy thumb to the base of Lance’s cock, rubbing it methodically in circles as he licked all the way up to the tip, holding eye contact the entire time.
“Shit,” hissed Lance, his head dropping backwards.
“You like that?” asked Keith. “There’s so much more where that came from…”
He took Lance into his mouth, running his lips over that smooth cock like it was a tasty treat. He took it in as deep as he could without choking before pulling all the way back off with
pop
of his lips.
“I need this,” said Lance, sitting up.
“I need you too.” Keith realized too late, he’d expected
you
from Lance, but got
this.
Alas, he’d already replied to the former and there was no back tracking on his words, as Lance grabbed a handful of Keith’s hair so he could guide his mouth back around his cock.
Keith was more than okay with Lance using his mouth exactly how he wanted. His tight grip on his hair gave him little choice but to accept as much cock as Lance had in mind before yanking him right back. It was just rough enough to make Keith’s toes curl into the shag of the carpet.
Blissed out and aching, not just in his jaw, but lower, he fumbled with his own fly until he was able to pull out his own cock. He stroked himself in time with Lance drawing his throat forward to swallow his cock, then back. The pleasure from his hand got Keith moaning around Lance’s dick.
“Fuck, fuck, yes,” moaned Lance himself. He sped up his pace, tugging faster and harder at the back of Keith’s head. Keith was doing his best to control his gag reflex, but on the next bottom out, he choked on the dick.
Lance yanked back on Keith’s hair, pulling him off his dick completely as Keith tried to keep sucking. Lance pulled him up and up, making the task impossible. Keith felt feral and frustrated until he realized he was face to face with Lance who just wanted to kiss him, so he obliged.
Keith tumbled down on top of Lance as they kissed. As they made out, Keith grinded his hips, stealing every bit of friction from Lance’s body, from the nipples he could feel through his thin dress shirt, to the meatiness of the thigh between his legs. He’d been so close before and he couldn’t let it go now.
Lance reached between their pressed bodies, fighting against Keith’s weight and greediness for touch until he had his own cock and Keith’s gathered in his hand.
Oh…
Oh,
this was better than dry humping him.
“Lance,” moaned Keith, wanting to say his name as his hand stroked him. “Lance… please… ah…”
Keith came in a quick rush, hips sputtering and fighting against the hold Lance hand on both his dick and his hair. He moaned into Lance’s mouth, licking across his teeth. Lance’s breath was heavy and hot, entering his lungs as he inhaled him. There was a sticky warm spot spreading across the fabric of Keith’s shirt near his naval.
So caught up in his own orgasm, he wasn't sure Lance had cum. But then, Lance was rolling him off him, whining through laughter that he was too sensitive now and Keith had to give him a minute to cool down.
Keith rolled to his back and looked up at the ceiling of this bedroom. It had a bit of motion to it, but at least the room wasn’t spinning on him. He was drunk, but not so drunk he wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. Keith wanted to store every detail.
“Do we… send our guests home?” asked Lance, breaking the silence. His voice sounded like he was smiling. Keith knew that without having to look at his face. He knew all of Lance’s voices.
“They’ll figure it out,” said Keith. He’d begun unbuttoning his shirt because the wet cum spot on it was bothering him. The bed was beckoning to him, getting real sleepy after having got off and being drunk to boot.
As he stood to get rid of the pants and the shoes, Lance asked, “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” asked Keith, dropping trou.
*****
“Well damn,” said Lance, taking a good look at Keith’s body for the first time. Getting off with him and skipping the naked step had apparently been a huge mistake. “Could I have picked a sexier man to be fake engaged to?” Without really thinking much about it, Lance had begun undressing himself, removing his shirt and kicking off his dress shoes.
Instead of being flattered by the compliment, Keith did something really annoying and asked, “Why
did
you do it?”
“I dunno, I’m horny,” said Lance, feeling kinda awkward, though it didn’t stop him from pulling off his pants one leg at a time.
“Not that,” said Keith, putting one knee down on the bed. “I’m asking why you told Allura we were together?”
Keith had tucked his dick back into his underwear, but in those tight boxer briefs, he was bulging and that bulge was at Lance’s eye level. It was distracting to say the least. Being bi was such a trip sometimes. Everyone was so fucking hot to him and Lance was utterly helpless at trying to remind himself that Keith was just an old friend he’d slipped up with for a moment.
“I guess…” said Lance, staring right at
the bulge.
It was like hypnotizing him or something. “... I didn’t want her to think I’m unhappy.”
“Why would she think that?”
The power of the bulge compelled Lance to say, “Because I am unhappy.”
Keith moved from his knee to sitting and suddenly it was his concerned face at eye level and not the bulge. “Is that true? Are you unhappy?”
Lance shrugged, hating talking about this, but failing to come up with a way to sway the conversation. “I dunno. In my love life I am. I always thought by thirty I’d be married with the big house.” Lance gestured to his surroundings. “I’m running out of time to do that and I feel like I’m flailing about in place when I want to move forward.”
“Oh.”
“Are you happy?” asked Lance.
Keith looked away, thinking. “I realized a long, long time ago that if I waited until I had everything I wanted to be happy, I never would be. My life started out with too many minuses. I had to find peace in what I already had.”
How could Lance have not thought about Keith being an orphan? How it must’ve felt being without a stable home, moving from foster home to foster. He could almost forgive him for having all that edge in high school, considering what he’d come from.
“You’re really strong, you know that?” said Lance.
Keith shrugged, a tiny frown on his face. “I just made connections with the right people. I got lucky.” Keith nudged him gently and said, “You have another
why
to answer for.”
“What’s that?”
“Why not just drop the lie before the party?” asked Keith. “What’s the endgame?”
Lance didn’t have an endgame or a good reason why, all he could say was, “I guess, more important than being happy is others thinking I’m happy. Especially someone I thought loved me once.”
“What happens if they know you’re not happy?” asked Keith.
“Something scary, I think… I dunno… Keith, I’m just…,” Lance felt a lump rise in his throat. He hated it. He didn’t want to feel like this, not now. Not ever. “I’m just so…”
Then Lance was on his back and Keith was over top of him. His voice was soft as velvet as he said, “It’s okay if you’re lonely, Lance. It’s okay…”
Eyes blurry with tears he didn’t want to shed, Lance pulled Keith down against him, wrapping his arms firmly around his naked back.
“I get lonely too,” whispered Keith.
The fact that Lance could be gifted with someone understanding him, sharing a bit of his darkness with him,
is something he’d thought impossible. He was moved by Keith’s empathy and this expressed itself in the literal movement of his body.
His hips bucked against Keith’s hips. His lips found Keith’s lips. His hands found the waistband of Keith’s briefs. Soon, his palms smoothed over Keith’s bare ass when he had him fully undressed and at his mercy.
Lance had been naked in his emotions and now Keith was naked in his body and just… beautiful… he was beautiful with his old sorrows and his inner peace. Such a whole person. Such a light in Lance’s gloomy darkness.
“Sweetheart,” mumbled Lance. “I want to keep going…”
Keith shifted as Lance’s knees lifted. His own briefs came off by Keith’s hands. His last layer of protection before Lance was naked before him.
“Do you ever bottom?” asked Keith, always full of questions. His hands slid down Lance’s cock, over his balls, and continued on…
“Yes,” breathed Lance, “and…” No other words came to him as he gasped, feeling Keith’s fingers run over his entrance.
*****
Keith was in him.
Someone so whole filling up Lance’s emptiness. It was eye opening to realize Keith had these new sides to him. Eyes that knew how to see Lance. A heart that new how to feel for him. A body that knew how to tear Lance in half.
“Holy fucking shit, Keith…” moaned Lance.
He was pinned down on the bed, knees open, lean muscular body weighing him down. The bed creaked its protest as Keith moved inside of him.
Lance had sobered up enough to realize he’d made a choice to fuck his friend. He was sober enough to know actions have consequences. He was also sober enough to feel every delicious inch of Keith’s dick as it rearranged his insides.
“I’m close,” gasped Keith. “Do I cum inside you or…?”
“Dealer’s choice,” hissed Lance. At this point he was digging his fingernails into Keith’s back, waiting to be transported to nirvana.
“You’re so fucking tight,” moaned Keith.
This was likely Keith’s answer as to where he was gonna unload, but the praise fucking lit Lance up.
His delight must be evident, because the next thing Keith said was, “You take my dick so good, babe.”
Serotonin rushed through Lance.
“I’d fuck your sweet ass all night if you weren’t gripping me so hard.”
Shit, shit, fuck! Lance was right on the edge with this dirty talk…
“I’m gonna give you a nice big load for being such a good boy.”
That was it! Lance was over the edge and moaning, cumming untouched between their sweaty bodies. He clenched on Keith’s dick, unable to fight his asshole's urge to claim MINE and that extra grip got Keith cumming too. Lance felt the warmth and slickness in his hole and heard Keith’s groans in his throat. He came like a fucking beast, face strained, pillows gripped. The speed of his thrusts doubled, sending Lance into an aftershock. For half a minute it felt like he couldn’t
stop
cumming and that the overstimulation would be the end of him.
But then… his thighs unclenched and his heart began to slow. Keith kissed him deep and slow, helping him come down. His legs kept quivering, but Keith soothed him, pulling the covers over both of them to keep the cooling sweat from giving Lance a chill.
The kissing got all soft and sweet. It enabled Lance’s tiredness to get the better of him. As he rolled himself over to settle down, Keith’s dick slipped out of him and so did a leaking mess of cum, creating a wet spot on the bed.
Lance didn’t care about that, not when Keith moved in to spoon him. It was so nice to have someone in his bed after so long. Someone he trusted. At Least for one night.
Then Lance felt a press against his asshole and spun to look back over his shoulder.
“Are you trying to fuck me again?” He was tired, but… Lance could be persuaded.
“I just wanna fall asleep inside you,” said Keith, his voice a hum.
Lance relaxed and felt Keith enter him. Fuck, it felt nice even when Keith wasn’t fully hard. Safely tucked in, Ketih wrapped the rest of himself around Lance. He was inside him and all around him. Lance had never felt such comfort.
*****
Noise.
Light.
Lance’s warm body.
Only one felt important to Keith when he woke up. He cuddled up closer and squeezed Lance against him, trying to fall back asleep.
More noise. Pounding. Someone was outside the door.
“What time is it?” asked Lance, waking up with a jerk.
“Early,” said Keith, rolling over to check the clock. He looked at the displayed time and worked out that the sun plus the PM meant it was actually the afternoon. “Late,” he corrected.
Who was pounding on the door?
The sound of a key being inserted clued Keith in finally. The Airbnb owner was here because they were way past their check out time.
The door swung open just as Keith grabbed the bed sheet and threw it over himself and Lance. Didn’t stop the owner from yelping and covering her eyes.
*****
Keith had a blowout argument with the Airbnb owner because it wasn’t just the bedsheets that were trashed. There had been zero cleanup from the party the night before and someone had broken a hole in the ceiling in the first bedroom where they’d attempted to install an unauthorized sex swing.
Keith’s entire security deposit was gone (which was going to be a whole other argument when he got home since he borrowed Shiro’s credit card… without telling him) and there was a chance he was going to get sued (or rather, Shiro since his name was used to book the place… also without telling him).
*****
“There’s a bright side to all this,” said Lance, as they left the raging owner in the kitchen to take inventory of what small appliances were missing.
Keith looked at Lance, automatically smiling when he saw the smile on his face. Yeah, there was a bright side. Keith reached out to take his hand as Lance said, “We completely fooled Lotor and Allur – What are you doing here Allura?”
Keith dropped his hand, frowning, only to have it grabbed by Lance half a second later. He looked and saw Lotor and Allura, lounging in the sitting room, sipping coffee and, laughing amongst themselves.
“Oh there you two are!” said Allura, still sounding amused. “You’ve been very naughty.”
“Did you really think we wouldn’t find out?” asked Lotor.
Lance dropped Keith’s hand and stepped forward, “Look, I can explain everything. When we were at the reunion
–”
“You lied to impress me,” said Allura.
“Wow. You’re taking this well.”
“It makes sense,” said Lotor, taking a sip from a tiny espresso cup. Such a pretentious drink. “Sizing you up, I knew there was no way you could afford it.”
“Hey!” said Lance, tone darkening.
“Its
name is Keith and I’m not paying for him to – wait, are we talking about the same thing?”
“You didn’t have to rent a mansion so we’d think you were a big shot,” said Allura.
“Oh… right… because the owner showed up, you know this is an Airbnb.” Lance quietly added, “and no other secrets.”
“I want you to know, I’ve called my money guy,” said Lotor. “I’m going to take care of the rental fees and the damages.”
“You don’t have to do that,” said Lance.
“You threw the party, we don’t mind picking up the cheque,” said Lotor. “We are, afterall, responsible for the bulk of the damages.” He gave Allura a devious smile and she grinned back at him.
“Lonce, it’s fine if your living space doesn’t reflect your success,” said Allura. “We can’t get a larger place since Lotor’s money is wrapped up in assets, so we understand.”
“But when daddy releases my trust fund on my 30th, we’ll be able to afford that mega-mansion in London’s Regent Park.”
“He’s always wanted to live there,” said Allura with a singsong laugh.
“And we’re going to throw an incredible wedding in Spain.”
Could Keith leave now? He wasn’t enjoying rich people bragging about being rich.
“Which reminds me,” said Allura, twisting to face Lance. “We got to talking last night and we’ve decided to ask you to join us at our wedding.”
“You want us to attend your wedding?” asked Lance, looking at Keith. Oh, so he did remember he was here?
“No, no, no,” said Lotor, setting down his snobby tiny cup that thought it was better than Keith.
“Work the wedding? I’m an MC, you know, so…”
“Goodness no!” protested Allura. “We wanted to offer to pay for the two of you to get married in Spain as well.”
“At the same time as us,” said Lotor.
“The joint engagement was so much fun,” said Allura. “And the four of us get along so well, imagine the kind of wedding we could throw together!”
“Not throw together, dear. It will be exquisitely executed with the most sought after wedding planners.”
“What do you say?” asked Allura.
Keith became aware that he was backing out of the place without having made the conscious decision to leave. He just… needed to go…
“Uh, we’ll think about it,” he heard Lance say, but Keith was already halfway to the foyer. Allura’s response to that was muffled as he threw open the double doors and took off.
****
Lance leaned against the microphone stand and looked into the crowd. “Does anyone here remember how I was faking it until I got caught?”
A few people in the crowd made noise to let him know they did indeed..
“I’m ready to be caught at this point.” This got some laughs. “Why do people believe me when I lie? Am I that good an actor?” Lance looked around the bar, pointedly. “Don’t all agree at once.”
He paced to the side of the small stage and said, “The shitty part about being a good liar is when I’m telling the truth to people who I want to believe me, they don’t always notice.”
Lance’s boss gave him the signal to introduce the next act and he actually listened this time. “Alright, next up let’s welcome Bii-Boh-Bi to the stage!”
Lance gave up the mic to the next amateur comedian and went to help out with clearing empties off tables. When he got to the back corner he noticed Keith sitting alone in a booth.
His heart gave a thump. He took a deep breath and walked over to his table.
“Can we talk?” asked Keith before Lance could ask what he was doing there.
“Can it wait until close? I’m on the clock.”
*****
If waiting until close was Lance’s attempt to blow Keith off, he didn’t fall for it. He stayed until the place cleared out and Lance began tidying.
“I thought you weren’t speaking to me,” said Lance, picking up a chair and flipping it upside down onto the table.
“I needed time to process everything that happened,” admitted Keith.
“Okay, but from my perspective we slept together and you never called me back.” The next chair got flipped with a lot more oomph behind it.
“I eventually realized that, which is why I’m here, but from my perspective you wanted me to pretend to get married to you? Or really get married because I don’t know how you’d pull the fake part off…”
Lance’s aggression softened and instead of flipping the next chair, he pulled it out and gestured for Keith to take a seat. He did so as Lance slid onto the vinyl of the bench across from him.
“I’m gonna end it, okay?”
“Good,” said Keith, glad Lance was going to tell Allura the truth.
“I’m going to tell Allura the wedding’s off. That should get her to stop emailing me venue options and cake designs.”
Keith frowned. Of course, he wasn’t going to tell her the actual truth… this was Lance, he wasn’t good at being real.
“Don’t you think it’s weird they want to share a wedding with us?” asked Keith. “It’s almost like…”
“They want to fuck us,” said Keith and Lance in unision. Then he both started laughing.
“Right?” said Lance. “What other explanation is there?”
“Sorry I’m not going along with it,” said Keith.
“Sorry? Why?”
“Because you want to sleep with Allura.”
Lance actually looked shocked. Good actor indeed, that one. “I don’t want to sleep with Allura!”
“Okay, not sleep with… get her back or whatever...”
“Keith!”
“What?”
“We talked about why I did all this and none of it had to do with Allura.” Lance looked hurt. He was a good actor, but… not that good.
“You said you were lonely, I just assumed…”
“Lonely for
my person,”
said Lance. “I never once thought it was Allura, even when we were going out. Also, she was so weird when I came out to her. Really hurt my trust. I’m sure she’s better now because…”
Lance looked at him and they said in unison, “she’s willing to let her future husband fuck us.”
“But I don’t want her,” continued Lance. “I was just freaked out about my ex getting married. Lots of people freak when their ex gets married.”
“Most people don’t make up a fake fiancé when their ex gets married.”
“I made up a fake
boyfriend,”
said Lance, forcefully. “You ‘Yes and’d’ it into an engagement.”
“Because you told me to
–”
“Nevermind,” said Lance, cutting Keith off. “It was mostly my fault. I’ll take the sixty on the sixty/forty split.”
“Forty still seems too high for my part, but I’ll accept it.”
“Thank you.”
“Sorry none of this helped with your loneliness.”
Lance blushed. “I mean… you kinda did. It just… felt way worse when you took off the next day.”
Keith’s heart gave an audible thump. “You mean… when we made that drunken mistake?”
“I wouldn’t call it a mistake,” said Lance, shifting nervously. “It was just a drunken difference.”
“Difference?”
“Different side to you… different side to me… different side to our relationship…”
Keith thought those ‘clear the table and take me’ moments only happened in the movies. Now he could say two things with confidence: 1. They do happen spontaneously in real life. 2. Wooden chairs are awfully loud when shoved off a table and onto the floor.
Let’s go ahead and add a third thing to that list. 3. When a bar table is too unstable to fuck on, the booth benches are almost as good as a bed. Maybe better, since Lance got him kneeling on the side, while he stood behind him, thrusting into Keith.
Keith had loved topping Lance, but getting topped by him was equally incredible.
“Move forward, sweetheart,” directed Lance.
Keith crawled forward, knees sweaty and sticky against the vinyl. Lance climbed up onto his knees behind him, reentering Keith and folding his body over his.
Lance was so close and intimate. Keith just had to turn his head to capture his lips. In turn, Lance reached around and grabbed Keith’s cock, pumping it as he thrust into him. Keith had to break off the kiss to gasp for air, allowing Lance to attack his back and shoulders with his lips and his teeth.
*****
Lance had given Keith hickies. He counted them for Keith as they cuddled naked on the bench.
“So we’re breaking up?” asked Keith.
“Just as part of the performance,” said Lance, nuzzling against Keith’s shoulder. “This… this we should keep doing.”
*****
They were friends with benefits. How this had happened, Keith couldn’t explain and it was entirely possible if this odd series of events hadn’t taken place, he’d still be Lance’s old high school friend he never hung out with.
This was a grand step up. The sex was electric. They were so sexually compatible, it was insane. But… (and this was the big BUT) Keith still had these feelings for Lance.
He tried to pretend it was just an attraction that was now satisfied, but it was becoming more and more evident by Keith’s inability to think of anyone or anything other than Lance, that he was very much in love with the guy.
The mature thing to do would be to address these feelings and talk to Lance and maybe he would, but the grander issue was, in Allura’s eyes, they were engaged. Lance kept promising he was going to tell her they were broken up so she would stop inviting them to couplely things like brunch.
(Not that there was much of a downside to brunch. Eggs over hard
– Good. Being affectionate with Lance in public
– Very Good.)
Finally Lance sent a text that he was going to orchestrate the breakup at the next Open Mic Night and Keith needed to be there. This confused Keith because he thought Lance was just going to
tell
Allura they broke up and that would be that. Instead, they actually had to break up in front of her?
‘It’s performance art,’ Lance had replied when he’d questioned this. ‘We need a button to end this scene we’ve started.’
Keith relented and agreed, but was annoyed Lance wouldn’t let him in on the plan. ‘It’s called improv, Keith. There is no planning. We live it.’
*****
“Save you a seat,” said Allura, when Keith arrived at the show. Lance had placed a reserved sign on the front and center table. It was a relief to see that instead of Lotor, Allura was sitting with their other Pala-Yes-Ands.
“Well, if it isn’t the future Mr. McClain,” said Pidge, sarcastically.
“Where’s Lance?” asked Keith.
“I think he’s about to go on,” said Hunk.
“Hi by the way,” said Shiro, waving to make his presence known.
“Oh right, hi.” Man, Keith’s singular obsession with Lance was to the point where he forgot basic manners… but then again, he was already bad at those.
A few minutes later, Lance came bounding onto the stage and grabbed the mic. “Good evening! Welcome to Friday Night Open Mic at Mike’s Wings and Laughs! I am your host Lance McClain. How’s everyone doing tonight?”
Their table gave a whoop! (Well, not Keith, he wasn’t the whooping type).
“Anyone who hasn’t known me since high school enjoying themselves?”
There was some spattered clapping around the room.
“Well, I’m not doing good,” said Lance, managing to deliver that news in the goofiest way possible. “I am in a very tangled mess right now.”
Keith looked to Allura, wondering if she was catching on to anything, but she was just smiling pleasantly at Lance.
“My high school girlfriend is getting married.” There were a few boos from the back of the room, but that seemed to make Allura laugh. “Okay, calm down. She’s not marrying me so you can chill on the booing. She was marked safe from marrying Lance.” Lance paused as the laughter picked up. “Has that ever happened to anyone here? An ex getting married?” There were a few whoops from around the bar.
“It makes you kinda crazy, right? Like cuckoo banana crazy? Cut off your ear and mail it to her crazy?” More laughs. “Just kidding, I have both my ears.” Lance twisted his head to show the crowd both sides. “The question is… what
did
I mail her?”
“Jokes aside, it does make you question where you are in life, right? To not be at the point where you’re getting married, but someone your exact same age is?” Lance waited until there were understanding nods from the crowd. “Well, I solved all that! I just went ahead and got myself engaged!”
The crowd erupted in applause. Keith felt strange. That applause wasn’t really earned and how was this leading up to a public breakup?
“Not too myself, although that would be ideal. No one’s ever gonna love me, like I love me.”
“That’s not true!” Keith hadn’t meant to yell that out and for a moment Lance looked thrown. The laughs were no longer flowing.
“That’s my fiancé by the way,” said Lance, recovering. At this reveal, the applause was twice as loud as last time and felt even less earned. When the applause wore down, Lance said, “Except he’s not really,” which fully killed the last of the claps. “No, he’s just a friend I used to do improv with in high school.”
Just a friend?
“We’re not getting married.”
“What?” gasped Allura from beside Keith. He’d care that she was finding out this way if he didn’t feel sick.
“I didn’t even ask him to be my fiancé , or I guess that’s what a proposal is. But no, I asked him to cover for me and pretend to be my boyfriend so my ex
– that’s her sitting beside him by the way – didn’t think I was a completely pathetic loser, but for some reason he decided to push it and say we were getting married!” The crowd was starting to laugh again, maybe thinking this was storytime comedy and not the unraveling of their pretend relationship.
“I don’t understand the bit,” said Allura, looking around the table. When her eyes met Keith’s she seemed to understand this wasn’t a joke.
“And then, he offered to have a joint engagement party with my ex and her fiancé!” More laughter.
Keith stood up. “Lance, that’s enough!”
“What?” said Lance. “You wanted me to come clean to Allura. I’m just doing what you wanted.”
“This is embarrassing!”
Beside Keith, Allura pushed out of her seat. “Damn right it is!” she said, turning to leave.
“Aw c’mon, Keith, don’t let her leave. I’m not done coming clean!”
“Shut up,” Keith shouted back at Lance, going after Allura. Once they were outside the bar, Keith called out. “Allura, I’m sorry. Don’t
–”
“No!” she said, spinning on him. “It’s absurd what you did! You made your bed, now lie in it! You two deserve each other!”
“I couldn’t agree more,” said Lance, softly. It threw Keith because it wasn’t over the sound system, but right behind him. He turned around to see Lance had followed him. As soon as they were face to face, Lance lowered down onto one knee. “Keith…”
“Whatareyoudoing?” asked Keith, speaking so fast, his words ran together.
“I know it started as a joke, but the joke’s on me because I’ve fallen for you.” Lance shook his head. “Nope, no. That sounded better in my head. I need a redo.”
“A redo of what?”
“Aren’t you getting it?” asked Lance. “I didn’t want to break off the fake engagement because I
want
it to be real. You’re my person, Keith. It’s always been you. Now, what do you say?” Lance took something out of his pocket and then there was a box and a ring… “Will you marry me? For real?”
“Yes…,” said Keith, softly. Lance stood up and sweeped him into his arms. He went in for a kiss, but Keith placed a finger on his lips “...and…”
“And what?”
“I don’t really know.” said Keith, pulling Lance in tight for that kiss. Keith heard knocking and shifted his gaze to see their other friends rapping on the glass of the bar’s window and waving excitedly. Didn’t need an audience right now, so he went right back to kissing. When their lips parted he said, “just felt like saying ‘and…’”
“And!” said Allura, forcing her way in between them. “My fiancé is going to pay for your wedding!”
“Allura!” gasped Keith. “I thought you were mad!”
Both her and Lance began laughing. “No! I was in on it!”
Keith shifted his eyes between the two of them. “The whole time?”
“No!” said Lance with a laugh. “I came clean to her earlier this week, just like you wanted me to and in doing so I ended up spilling to her how much I adore you and wanted our relationship to be real.”
“I was the one who clued him in that he could just
ask
you to marry him,” bragged Allura.
“Really?” gasped Keith. Asking Lance never would’ve occurred to him…
“Honestly,” scoffed Allura. “No wonder it took you a decade to realize you’re in love with each other.”
“Wait,” cried Lance, looking at Keith with wide eyes. “You do love me, right? Because I love you, but I realize I never asked if you felt the same!”
“Yes!” said Keith “And…”
“Enough ‘ands!’”
And…
they lived happily ever after.