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Steve was slipping.He was slowly sinking into an abyssal pit of darkness, every day further away from the shallow surface of the tumultuous sea that his life had become. Steve couldn’t really remember the feeling of being… well, of being. There was just thing emptiness clinging to his skin all day long, and he had no idea what happiness really, truly felt like anymore. He stopped feeling it since... He had no idea, actually.Maybe since his parents stopped pretending they cared.Maybe since his spectacular fall from the top of Hawkins High.Maybe since Barb.Maybe since Nancy had stopped looking at him.Because she isn’t… She doesn’t even look at him in the eyes when he whispers that he loves her. She is cold and distant, pulling away from him more and more. She looks burdened, and he knows it’s only a matter of time. Steve knows what that means. Her behaviour. He’d seen his parents act exactly like that around him, around each other, for him to catch on what was going on. He wasn’t stupid- well, not that stupid.He knew she was going to crack soon, that the pressure was going to make her explode, that she’ll break his already bruised little heart, and he’d have to pick up the pieces alone. Again. Nancy was going to leave him a wreck in the storm that was his life, and never look back to see what damage she had done. It hurt, thinking about it. But the pain would soon become numb, just like every time. He would feel agony for a few days, then a biting heartache, and finally just feel… nothing. Nothing at all.No one stayed with Steve, he was only some kind of bus stop where people spent time before embarking for a greater journey. Something more than him. He didn’t know why he thought it would have been different with Nancy.Because she had been the first one to make him feel something else than numbness and apathy since he was twelve, that was why.It was a quiet, silent thing: drowning.Nobody really understands it until it’s too late. Nobody comes to save you until it’s too late. Nobody could fight that wet choking sensation that was slowly killing him. Not even him.So, Steve was slipping. Big deal. But who cared? Steve didn’t, his parents certainly didn’t give a shit, and Nancy was going to rip open his chest and shatter his heart to oblivion in a very, very close future. He could just feel it. He had keen eyes for that sort of things. It would devastate him. It was going to set him on fire, and he’d just let it burn with silent screams because nobody could hear him, no matter how loud he cries for help. Steve would just pick up the ashes of what remained, and… move on.As usual.
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Nancy broke his heart on Halloween, at Tina’s party, right in the middle of all their friends, in the middle of every single soul Steve could have been mean or nice to. Right in the middle of hell. He was in the spotlight, even if nobody really understood what had just happened right now. They would learn soon enough. By Monday – sorry, by tomorrow night -, everyone would know. Steve was going to be the Fallen King who got dumped by the Prissy Princess. He was just being dramatic, but whatever.He pushed and fought his way into the crowded house, escaping wandering hands and desperate drunks as fast as he could without making eye contact with anyone. He probably looked possessed right now, but what the hell. Who was going to complain? Steve hadn’t felt like himself for a long time. He couldn’t fucking breathe, it was too loud, too hot, he couldn’t- He managed to stumble his way out of the house, not without taking the time to dump Nancy’s drunk situation on Jonathan’s lap, because Steve wasn’t fucking dumb enough to miss the way they had been exchanging lingering glances full of unsaid words. Maybe they hadn’t realised themselves, yet, but Steve had, and it was skinning him alive. He had told Byers to go get his grildfr- ex. His ex-girlfriend, because apparently, he was bullshit, everything was bullshit, they had killed Barb and he didn’t care, and it was just fucking bullshit-bullshitBULLSHIT.He ran down the stairs of Tina’s porch, taking the time to bend over to try and get his breathing to work normally for a second, but the cold, crispy air of October was burning his lungs with how hard he was trying to inhale back the mental breakdown threatening to make him collapse on the ground, right down on Tina’s fucking driveway. He had to get to his house. He needed to escape from this place.“Harrington, is that you?”Steve heart leaped out of his throat, jumping out of his skin, and he snapped his head around to face-Oh great.Billy. Fucking. Hargrove.Standing there in all his tanned, blond glory.Ah fuck no.The guy had his vest wide open in the middle of autumn, seemly unbothered by the freezing temperature, and Steve had to wonder if people from the more southern areas just felt like it was summer everywhere they went. He knew people who lived in colder environment usually weren’t as affected by the drops of temperatures- that Canadian dude he met in this Quebecer ski resort two years ago, just walking around in shorts and looking absolutely unbothered by the blizzard raging on the mountain, had been a shocking view -, but Hargrove was pushing it. Hargrove was still covered with beer, or spit? – why was he so shiny? Steve was uncomfortable -, his abs and pecs on display like he was trying to show off. Because he totally was, and Steve wanted to die right now.The guy had very much tried to intimidate him earlier that night, basically jumping like a madman over furniture to get right into Steve’s space, moving like a was water between the drunk bodies of stupid teenagers. The blond weirdo had stared at him like he was trying to read his mind or something. Steve had had no idea of what he wanted, but whatever Hargrove wanted, the arrival of Tommy, fived seconds later, had ruined everything, and then Nancy had run out to the kitchen, and Steve hadn’t wanted to leave her alone in a house full of drunk teenagers.Nancy was a cute girl, and things happened at parties sometimes that he just didn’t want to happen to her. He had brought her in the bathroom, after she had spilled the punch all over herself when he tried to keep her from falling into an ethylic coma, and he had tried to help her, but she had pushed him away.Turned out to be the moment where she’d finally explode and blast a hole in the place where his heart was supposed to be.“What the hell ‘re you doing here, amigo?” Steve blinked, his pain and tears becoming a distant problem in favor of dealing with this new, sweaty... muscular... one.Why? God, why?! Why did the first soul he had to encounter right after his drunk-ass girlfriend dumped him had to be Billy Hargrove?! Steve’s life was trying to fuck him over, that was why.Goddamit.“I could ask you the same... Amigo.” He shrugged, glancing around.Did he sound like he knew what was happening right now?The guy was weird. He looked angry. All the time. He always appeared one wrong word away from killing everyone around him. And they were alone right now, the two of them. Amazing. If Hargrove was to kill him and drag his corpse in the woods, nobody would even know. Perfect! Ignore that- Steve needed to get his shit straight.“I don’t see your little fan club out here. Getting tired already?”Hargrove and his family had been there for a week, and they – mostly him – were all this town could talk about right now. It was pathetic how much time people had to lose, and how much lame life was in Hawkins, Indiana. When you didn’t know this place was a portal to hell, it was dull. Hargrove had just become this new, shiny toy everyone wanted for Christmas.Steve had almost gagged when he had heard the moms’ of children he used to watch drown in the public pool talk about the Californian boy like he was a porn star or whatever. Steve knew those women hated their lives and were in need of something else than this white, apathic bubble that was Hawkins, but Jesus Christ! Hargrove was younger than him, for God’s sake! They were adults!Mothers!WIVES!What the fuck was their deal?Steve had felt dirty for Hargrove all day after he caught wind of the lewd comments Nancy’s mom had said to her friends about him, but that blond dumbass didn’t look disturbed at all by the lusting from the women of all ages in this goddamn town. He was probably used to it, giving his whole... thing. It’s not like he was trying to hide, either.
The car, the music, the looks.The attitude.Hargrove was just a glorious bastard, wasn't he?The first time Steve had seen the guy come out of his stupidly loud Camaro, it had been so aggressively dramatic, and for no good reason, that the brunet had had an existential crisis about the whole ‘King’ persona. That Californian had had every-thing to be King, and he had not disappointed. Hargrove was just the exact thing Hawkins had been waiting for, the perfect distraction from the monotonous existence of the residents of Indiana.Steve’s own distractions resided in the knowledge that nine-feet tall, flower-head monsters just ran around at night to eat the first unexpecting victim left alone on the side of a pool-Girls were basically dying to get into his pants, drooling anytime he’d walk in the hallways, and Steve wasn’t jealous. Like at all. The laser-focus attention he had been getting from the school had finally shifted away from him to Hargrove, which meant he could pass his days without hearing nasty whispers following him down the hallways.Girls still thought Steve was attractive - he was still Steve Harrington -, but he was dating Nancy. Well, had been dating Nancy. He wasn’t dating Nancy anymore- God it hurt.He had heard something about the ‘preppy rich boy’ look, something that just seemed to be well-liked by girls, and that’s what he was. Billy Hargrove was the typical 'bad boy', meaning he was all about fucking a girl and going to the next right after, easily getting bored with them and throwing them away like tissues. A week here and he had already gone through half the female population of Hawkins High. Steve’s old self would have been proud. And jealous. But mostly impressed by the efficiency of this one blond bastard.Now, Steve just wanted to pour acid on his eyes whenever he saw Hargrove flirt with a girl who had seen Steve’s dick.This was a whole new brand of nightmare in the hell that was his life, okay? He didn’t enjoy this.It didn’t matter, anyways, because Steve was totally over this ‘King Steve’ bullshit, and by the way things were going, Hargrove was the new crowned asshole ruling the school now. He had pulverised his keg stand score or something like that, last Friday. Or so he understood from all the yelling and cheering. It sat perfectly well with Steve, that would mean Tommy would bother someone else than him.“Tommy’s a leech, and the rest of them are fucking annoying.” The blond grunted as he took a drag from his never-ending cigarette, raising an eyebrow when Steve chuckled.“Yeah, well. Good luck. You’re the new, hot shit in town, California.” He snarked the nickname, turning around to escape both his problems: that dude and his ex.If you forgot the whole Upside Down shitshow – which no one besides a few unlucky people actually knew about – Billy Hargrove’s Californian ass was the new hot topic of Hawkins entire population.And wasn’t that just sad?Whatever, Steve had bigger issues.He was vaguely aware of the blond following behind him to his car. What now? What did he want?“What are you doing, Harrington?” The Californian’s voice sounded sharp like a knife in Steve’s ears. “Leaving so soon? I thought you were supposed to be more fun than those bland cows in there.” Steve swinged the driver’s door open with no care for it – wasn’t like his father was around to complain about his lack of softness with it -, turning an unimpressed glance to the other boy, who had that weird glint in his eyes ever since he had spotted Steve on school grounds.“Where’s Wheeler?”If lightning was to strike him dead right now, or a tree was to suddenly fall on his head, he’d just be so grateful. He didn’t have the energy for any of this.“None of your business.”“What? Got your panties in a twist, Pretty Boy?”Jesus Christ, was Steve ever going to survive this night?“Go annoy someone else, Hargrove.” He sighed with an eyeroll.“Fuck off, Harrington. You’re no fun. No fun at all.” Hargrove scowled, as if Steve had just taken his favorite candy from him.Steve internally debated over the fact of possibly giving him the bird and move on with his plans of getting back home and not sleep for the following hours because of his terror of basically every shadow and noise in Hawkins now - mostly because of the blue, haunting light coming from his pool -, but he decided to give the poor guy advise if he was to really become the new ‘King’.“Look, California.” Hargrove turned a narrowed eyed scowl at him - and wow did that guy had no chill- while Steve raised lazy eyes to counter the obvious distaste the blond had for him, leaning against his car door, head tilted a little in ‘King Steve’s’ fashion. “I don’t know how things were back on the coast, but I can tell you that you’ve got nothing to worry about around here. Nobody will try to take your newfound popularity away from you... Except maybe Jason, but he’s a fanatic dick and nobody takes him seriously. So, chill, okay? Tommy’s going to parade you around like you’re his personal hooker for the rest of your poor high school life, or until he graduates, at least.” It was Steve’s understanding that Hargrove was a year under him. “The rest of them?” He sighed while Hargrove’s dark energy seemed to flare to another level. “They’re going to lick your ass if you ask them to do it, so really, just- Jesus- Just don’t change anything, and you’re going to be fine.”
“Really?” He drawled, he didn’t sound impressed, voice flatter than Earth, and Steve shrugged.“That’s how dull it is in small towns.” He nodded and Hargrove sneered.“You guys are desperate for something else than ‘King Steve’, huh? Tommy’s been moaning about how great you used to be, and then how you turned bitch for Wheeler.”Right. Steve winced internally, but his face stayed completely neutral, except from the sigh that he pushed out of his chest.“They need something else than the smell of cowshit, that’s for sure.” He rubbed his eyes, not taking the bait the Californian boy had give him as he climbed into the safety of his car.He slammed his door right after, Hargrove’s laugher echoing behind him as he drove away, the tension in his shoulders bleeding away like water under the bridge.The lights of houses and streetlamps casted ominous hallucinations of disembodied monsters with clammy, undead skin all around him, and if he sped up when he got to the part of town where the woods were just getting closer to the road - and to him -, nobody had to know.
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Everybody knew about the stupid breakup by Monday morning.It’s not like he hadn’t expected it, but the looks and the whispers were just so much. People just had no life, did they? Steve, as one of the richest kids in town - and probably in the state, now that he thought about it -, was used to the stares, the interest, the fake smiles, and all of that. But when it was to mock you instead of pleasing you, it was painful. He got stared at by everyone, he had to ignore the snickers and the mean comments, but also the renewed interest of the ladies in town, because now Steve was ‘on the market again’.It was an absolute nightmare.He hadn’t slept at all in the weekend, turning his less than ideal situation around in his head, analyzing it under every possible angle, and he still didn’t understand. What had he done? What had he done for Nancy to stop loving him? Steve knew, deep down, in some dark place of his being that he refused to turn to, that maybe Nancy hadn’t loved him at all. She clearly made him work at the beginning of their relationship. It had been more about earning her attention and love than winning it, but Steve had tried, very hard, and he had come out a better person. Nancy had accepted to be his girlfriend, and he had felt like he was in heaven. She had been his everything. That girl had made him feel so alive, he had no idea how he’d get on with life without her.Steve had genuinely thought he’d spend his life with her.He was such a fucking idiot.Nancy clearly wanted more, needed more. Steve couldn’t even do a school paper properly, so how was he supposed to be more for her? He couldn’t, and now she was gone, leaving him alone for the rest of his life. How was he supposed to even function after such a blow? Steve had dreamed of being normal, finally, with her, but she was angry and resentful towards him because of it. Because he wanted to be like everybody else.She had blamed Barb on him, and God, did that hurt. Steve knew she was right. It had been his house, his pool, his responsibility. He should have made sure Barb had been safe. Had been inside. He had been taught he was supposed to entertain all guests, to make sure they were all happy and okay, but Steve had listened to his dick instead of his brain, and now a girl had died in his backyard because of him.Nancy had yelled all of this to him, drunk out of her mind, but alcohol often showed people true colors, and without the tight control she had over her emotions, the dam had broken down completely. Nancy’s grudges, sadness and fury had come out like an overflow of bed things previously trapped inside of her, and they had hit him like bullets. He had been mortally wounded, that’s for sure. That’s how the pain felt. That’s how it felt to be rejected.Again.He should have known- He should have known it’d end like that. Steve always threw himself with all of his heart, all of his soul, in his relationships. He’d thought, with his past as a player, that he would stop. But turns out it didn’t.Steve hadn’t been sure he’d ever be able to drag his ass to school for the whole week, and just showing up on Monday had been a fucking miracle.The whole day had been like a hike in hell, his classes passing in front of his eyes at the speed of light and yet as slowly as a snail. He remembered blinking at lunch, and then he was in basketball practice.Everything was moving fast, the background blurry, and he knew he had the ball in his hands, but Jesus if he couldn’t concentrate for shit. The squeaking of shoes and the shouts of teammates filled his head, along with the sudden thrill of adrenaline shooting up his spine as he finally realised: he was standing in front of Hargrove, who was so low bended over his legs he looked like he was going to ponce on Steve to grab the ball. Like a cat. Or a tiger.But his fun in life was always short lived, and he came crashing against Hargrove’s shirtless body, and he very much wanted to break his guard and slip away to both make a shot and escape the blond, but he had to admit that the Californian was one tenacious bastard. His back was pressed against the other’s chest, Hargrove’s arms stopping him from getting around to even throw the ball to one of his teammates.“So, I’ve heard about what happened with your little girlfriend.” He said in his ear, pushing against him roughly, and Steve had felt the very line of his abs plastered on his back. Which was impossible, but whatever. “Sucks to be you, Harrington, really. Who would have thought the Prissy Princess would dump King Steve!”Jesus, did that guy ever shut up?“Is that why you ran like a bitch on Friday night?”CAN’T he just play the FUCKING GAME?!Steve turned his head on the side, pushing the sweaty chest away from him with his arm to keep the guy at bay enough for him to think straight. “Hey, maybe you should just shut up and play the game.” He suggested, as if Hargrove would ever listen.The last word wasn’t even out of his mouth that Hargrove was pushing him on his ass, stealing the ball in the process. Steve scrambled quickly back to his feet, but it was very unnecessary because the blond put the ball in the loop – he was such a show off -, winning another point for the Skins. The brunet sighed, totally ignoring the whopping cheers of the opposite team, but Hargrove turned to him, staring right at him as he licked his lower lips with a hysterical light shining in his eyes. Steve blinked away, speechless, his heart beating wildly from fear of someone catching that weird exchange between them boys. He had exactly no time to process whatever that was that his name was called.“Steve!”He whipped around, Hargrove becoming a distant trouble as Nancy’s less than happy appearance monopolized his attention. Oh, for fuck’s sakes. He couldn’t even breathe for one second that something new had to come in and destroy his fragile emotional stability. Great. Just... great.
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“What are you doing here?”“What do you think?” Nancy looked so confused, and weirdly offended, so Steve was wondering if she was playing with him.They were standing between the gym and the building next over, hiding from prying eyes and ears to have a conversation Steve didn’t want to have at all. Actually, he had no idea of what Nancy’s problem was, but she clearly looked on a war path to get answers right now, and Steve was too goddamn tired to fight her. He also didn’t want to cause a scene in front of everyone in his team, so here they were.“Where were you this morning? I missed first period.”Oh my God... That was what she was angry for? Missing first period, seriously? Steve almost busted out laughing, he didn’t because he hadn’t reached that level of mental yet. Her voice was borderline annoying, full of contempt, also the offended confusion, Steve almost snapped. Nancy was angry about missing first period?- She could have asked her parents to drive her, or even-
“I figured Jonathan would take you.”He wasn’t even going to put efforts in it. Steve had had no sleep in weeks, and this weekend had just been a hellish one, where he just sat down on the stupid, expensive couch his mother always claimed to love - a bit like him - and stared at the void for most of the two whole days. The teenager was barely able to even stay aware of his surroundings more than fifteen minutes at the time, so he wasn’t about to fight with his ex-girlfriend about her lack of resourcefulness to get to school.It was like Nancy expected him to just... be there. Like she was entitled to his time.Before Friday, she absolutely was. But now...“What do you mean?”Was she serious?That’s when Steve realised Nancy had no idea they weren’t dating anymore. Nancy had absolutely zero recollection of smashing his heart on the disgusting floor of Tina’s bathroom.
Nancy was a black-out drunk.Holy crap! This time Steve couldn’t stop himself: he let out a sharp, mean bark of laugh that earned him a stunned looked from the brunette girl, and he brushed his hair away from his face to take a quick second to gather his thoughts, his feelings.“What do you remember? From Friday night?”“I-What?” Nancy spluttered, trying to understand why he was asking this. “We went to Tina’s, and there was this whole stupid boy thing with that new asshole: Billy or something, and then I got drunk and you brought me home.”Oh boy- This was next level.Steve blinked lazily, turning his faze away as he daydreamt about whether he should slam his head against that wall over there or not. He did not.“I didn’t. Jonathan did.”“What? What are you talking about?”“You really don’t remember, huh?” He passed another raging hand in his sweaty mane of hair, scoffing. “Jesus, you really can’t handle your alcohol. Uh... You should watch that for the future...”Steve might not be able to stay in the same room as her without wanting to snap and cry, but he wasn’t going to hate her… Well. Not hate hate her. He just... felt a strong dislike. Nancy wasn’t a bad person, and Steve knew that if she didn’t love him anymore, she just didn’t love him anymore, and he’d have to deal with the pain and the rejection and all of that again, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t watch over her a bit. Being black-out drunk could be dangerous. Even more for a girl.Steve wouldn’t have even cared a year or so ago, but now that he had evolved – and that he knew monsters existed for real-, he just couldn’t let his girlfr- his friend – his nothing at all because he couldn’t tolerate the rejection – get into dangerous situations. He honestly didn’t know where he stood in all of this. He couldn’t even look at her in the face without wanting to lash out, to scream and do stupid things. Like before. Good thing he was too damn tired to act on it, though. It felt like a knife was stabbing him over and over and he just wanted it to stop-“What are you saying, Steve? I don’t understand!”“I’m saying you are a black-out drunk.” He repeated flatly.Maybe he should try and out some emotion in his words. Because he was deeply affected, but he was just so used to not show anything, it was just natural for him now. The numbness was just normal.“Stop doing this. Stop being difficult.”
Stop being so difficult, Stefano, and let go of me. You are running my dress, amore. Stop crying, Steven, you’re a man, a Harrington. No man of our family, and certainly no son of mine, cries like a little girl because they were grabbed by the arm a little bit roughly. Get up. Stop it, Stefano! Can’t you see I’m busy?! Stop being such a disappointment, Steven. Oh, per favore Stefano, enough. We are only going for a month. You will be perfectly fine. Stop it, Stefano. Enough Steven- Stop-stopSTOP-
“Look, Nance.” He sighed, rubbing his forehead, and glancing away from her, chasing the flood of reminders of his childish behaviour just as quickly as they slipped through the cracks.“Can’t you just tell me why Jonathan should have been taking me this morning instead of you?”God, why did she had to sound so exasperated by all of this. Steve hadn’t done anything, okay? He just wanted it to be over.“Uh...” He searched for words that wouldn’t fuck everything up- Well. Not more than it already was. “You remember going to Tina’s party Friday night, right?”“Yes, Steve! I already told you!”“And then what? What do you remember after Hargrove?”She sighed, rolling her eyes like he was asking her to dance a tango with him, holding her books a bit more firmly against her chest. “I remember dancing, and... spilling some punch. You got mad at me because I was drunk...”Steve scoffed, ready to leave her standing right there. This was a fucking joke. Nancy could not be thinking that, right? She had been the one getting mad at him! She had been the one who said it was bullshit! That he was bullshit, that their love-“... And then you took me home.” She finished and he got his sparsely focus back to the conversation at hand.“N-no, see, that’s where your mind gets a little bit fuzzy.” He replied, throwing his towel around his neck while staring at her shoes. “That was your other boyfriend. That was... That was Jonathan. I asked him to drive you back home.”“I don’t understand.”“Its pretty simple, Nancy.” He snapped, glaring at her confused frown, and then looked away. “You were just telling it like it is.”“What?”“Uh…” Please somebody just save him. “Apparently, uh, we killed Barb and I don’t care, ‘cause I’m bullshit... and our whole... our whole relationship is bullshit, and- I mean, pretty much everything is just bullshit, bullshit, bullshit- Oh, yeah also... you don’t love me.”He could probably sound a little less angry, because he knew that he had some fault in whatever had happened between them, because Nancy wasn’t… She hadn’t even wanted to be her girlfriend, right from the start she had been uncertain. But he had pushed, and he had changed for her, and it was all for nothing. Today, Steve didn’t regret it – the change – because he was a better person, but he had done it for her. For Nancy. And Steve had known that it wouldn’t last forever – they were teenagers -, but he had hoped. Marrying your high school sweetheart had always been something that he just really liked, and he really did love her. Which is why it hurt so much.“I was drunk, Steve! I don’t remember any of that.”“So that makes everything you said-it’s just- What? Just bullshit too?”“Yes!”“Then tell me.”“Tell you what?”Did he have to spell it out for her? Write it in neon letters? Hold a radio over his head?“You love me!”The hesitation was the final blow. Nancy looked so fucking blown away, and so annoyed. It hurt. She really didn’t... Jesus- Steve wasn’t- He couldn’t... She really-“Really?”The squeaking clanking of the door cut short this entire conversation as one of his teammates came running out of the gym. “Hey! Harrington!” He yelled out with a lot of anger in his voice. “Dude, we need you, man! That douchebag’s killing us! Let’s go!” Ah, that was why. California was probably destroying the Shirts right now, and the coach was probably thinking about making him team captain. He could do it; Steve would be more than grateful to step down. Basketball was stressing him out more than anything as of now.Totally not because of that obsessive ‘douchebag’, as the other guy put it.Hargrove made him nervous. Too nervous.Steve took a moment to mourn the haircut, getting pettily judgmental at the headband full of sweat around his head and- Oh my God, please!“Alright!” He turned his eyes back on Nancy, glaring at her with the remaining anger left in him.“Come on!”Jesus, relax.The guy went away, Steve never breaking eye contact with the girl in front of him, who was doing everything to avoid his gaze, and he sighed, shaking his head. This was not worth it. He was not going to even fight it. Nancy didn’t love him? Fine. Wouldn’t be the first one. Probably won’t be the last, too. Steve was used to it.He couldn’t stop himself though.“I think that you’re bullshit.” He mumbled clear enough for her to understand while he walked away, leaving her standing alone with a guilty and teary look on her face.
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He managed to pass through the rest of the day without having to pay attention to anything at all. The classes just came and went, and he didn’t give a single shit. He ignored the entire population of this planet, moving around only by muscle memory, avoiding the potential causes of problems, like Hargrove, who just couldn’t stop staring, or like Nancy. Though she disappeared at some point, he realised, after he hadn’t seen her at all after fourth period. He avoided everything like it was his mission in life.Because it was.He had a few months of torture left in this hell that was commonly called ‘high school’, and then he’d be out. Probably not out of town since he didn’t have the grades to even get into college, but at least this would be part of the past. All of this. His father would kill him - bah, it’s fine. He’s never home – once he’d learn his son was a failure.It’s not like he needed to be good at school. He had enough money to never work a day in his life. He had so much money he didn’t know what to do with it. Jesus, that sounded so fucking rich of him. Of course, it did. He was rich. Maybe he should donate to the Church or something, a program to help the poor, or something about an organization that worked in Africa. Steve was rich, but he didn’t want to just rely on that money. His parents’ money. What if they decided to prank him and just cut him off, one day? That kept him awake at night, among other things.Very bloody, gory things.Like disembodied screams and sharp teeth ripping his flesh from his bones, broken bodies, and the dark, dead eyes of a girl staring at him between a curtain of drenched red hair over the wall of his pool-Steve blinked, and he was in his car, in the driveway of his house. Holy shit! That was dangerous. He’d have to stay alert more often, those blackouts of his could cause an accident. Or his death. Mmm. Yeah, they could. Maybe if he slept a little at night.He slammed his door closed behind him when he entered the house, kicking his shoes somewhere he’d have to look in panic the next morning, without a doubt, and didn’t even bother with his coat when it fell next to the coat peg. It’s not like his parents were home to yell at him to pick himself up.Steve didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how he was supposed to-He had loved her. He had thought... Steve had taken a chance on this relationship, he had thrown himself all in, he opened his heart, he let his walls down.And he had been shown, again, that he wasn’t worth it.Nancy had ripped his heart open. She had just confirmed his worst fears: that he was unlovable and worthless.A sob ripped its way out of his chest, the boy, the child, falling apart in the middle of a cold, empty house. The shadows reached for him, enveloping him, and Steve just... drifted through the darkness.
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Billy was fucking pissed.He was so fucking pissed he couldn’t fucking think straight.He had been dragged by force all the way to bumfuck, Indiana. A thousand-eight-hundred-and-nine miles away from home. Away from his friends - his family -, away from the sun and the ocean, and all because of Max.That fucking bitch couldn’t keep her little mouth shut, and now here they were, halfway down the country, with no prospects of freedom for the next two fucking years- He was going to fucking explode. He had had this itching, that familiar buzz of violence laying right under his skin, and he wanted blood. Max was currently his venting vessel, and he was going to make her life as much of a living hell as his own was. She gave him back his shitty behaviour with as much spite and aggression, slamming the door of his car with the strength of a thirteen-year-old bitch, and glaring at him like he was a demon because she was too fucking chicken to say anything back at him. Billy was terrifying when he wanted, and Max knew better than to test him. He would never hit her – he wasn’t Neil -, but having her walk on eggshells around him was only fair for what she put him through. Billy wanted to have Max on high alert at all times, and he wanted her to understand that he was fucking livid for what she did.He hated her. He fucking did.And she hated him back, so it wasn’t hard to ignore that little tread of guilt tugging at his heart whenever he saw the terror under her hardass façade. She was tough, she had to be. Billy was building her character, okay? Life was a fucking nightmare, and she’d get hurt otherwise. Did he enjoy it? A bit. It was morbidly satisfying to see her cower when she’d noticed his fury, but it was also filling him with a certain sense of pride to see she was starting to fight back, that she wasn’t avoiding his glares like she used to, when everything went to shit.It could be dangerous, though. Neil hated when he’d fight back. Billy had learned to keep himself closed-off, to lay under the radar of Neil’s fucking paranoid outbursts. But Neil loved his little perfect new family, and he would never touch Max. Billy knew it was bullshit. Neil was acting all sweet and safe with Susan – that fucking idiot. She had fallen for a monster, and she hadn’t even realised yet. Max was probably taking after her dad, because that woman was so fucking dense – and her spitfire of a daughter, but the illusion would shatter one day, the pink-tinted glasses she was wearing would break and Neil would do what he used to do to Billy’s mom, what he did to Billy.
No son of mine is going to be a fucking fagot, do you hear me? Do you fucking hear me, William Hargrove?!
Fucking Neil. Billy hated him too. More than anything else. More than Max, more than this fucking boring town he was trapped in. Billy absolutely hated it. It smelled like cowshit, it was gloomy and cold, and everyone here was so fucking white. So fucking boring and tasteless. Everyone always talked about the same thing for weeks, because nothing ever happened here, and Billy was sure they had never seen an Asian person in their poor, pathetic lives.Girls were desperate, and someone had started a rumor about him being the fucking best, of being the one who knew how to do it, and now half the girls in school were lying like the cows they were that they had slept with him. Don't mistake it: Billy’s skills were to die for, that was true, but still. What the fuck was their deal?The blond wasn’t about to complain, or fight the rumors, though. They helped his image, and they kept Neil off his fucking back. Better for that bastard to think his son was walking down the right path instead of having to try and hide himself. Those rumors were the perfect cover, because they painted him as a lewd, flirty, uncaring, straight asshole, and that left him plenty of room to do whatever he wanted. Like ogle at the one he was really interested in.His object of interest lain in doe eyes framed by dark, fluffy hair, and in the perkiest ass he had ever seen in his entire fucking life.Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington.Billy had been hypnotized as soon as he saw him. The cold curiosity he had gotten from the brunet when they had met had been quickly replaced by an indifference that made the blond want to beat the shit out of him. Or kiss him. Anything to have his full attention. Those lips were a damn sin. Billy wanted them wrapped around his length and he wanted those stupid doe eyes full of tears, both from pain and pleasure. Billy was just like that: a fucking animal. But he could tame himself for that boy, though. Anything for the attention of ‘King Steve’ to be on him and him alone.Did he sound like a possessive little asshole? Yes. Did it make him feel bad? No.Harrington had the most amazing mane of hair ever, just the right length to grab and guide the brunet where he would want, and Billy had been thirsting for him like a fucking dog in rut.Local heartbreaker, if Billy had followed Tommy’s bitching about ‘King Steve’ properly. The girls often compared Billy to that guy - who was a senior, and also on the basketball team – when it came to the skills in bed and the general vibe they had. Billy didn’t give a flying fuck, his only interest in the matter was the fact that Harrington was apparently great in bed, and the blond had had that furnace of want melting his insides. He wanted. He wanted so bad, but Harrington was terribly straight, and he had a fucking girlfriend.You can bet that Billy was over the moon when he heard that Harrington and his bitch had broke up on Halloween.It was like a gift dropped on his lap, really. Billy had been dying to have the brunet, holding on that tiny tread of hope that he wasn’t as straight as everybody thought he was, but knowing Billy’s luck, he doubted it.Dreaming had never hurt anyone, though.Wheeler had interrupted them last practice, and Billy didn’t even have the time to mourn the loss of attention that Harrington was running after her like a trained puppy with its tail between its legs. The Californian had been fucking pissed, to say the least. And someone had to pay. The ball – and his teammates – had been his victims. He had shown no quarter to the opposing team after the brunet’s departure, growling and shoving Tommy off of his shoulders with a frustrated tension in his body that felt like he had shards of glass and metal under his skin.Harrington had come back with a discontented look on his face, and that was that. Nobody commented, they all went back to the game. Small town people were so fucking boring. Back home, Harrington would have received so much teasing from the team. A guy and a girl, alone together where no one could see? Yeah, he would have been the victim of so many jeering comments and friendly slaps on the back.But everybody knew Wheeler had dumped Harrington’s sorry ass during the weekend, so maybe that’s why no one said anything.Right now, they were facing each other again, Billy controlling the ball while the brunet looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but here. The blond had noticed that a lot since he had been forced to come in this place. Harrington always looked two seconds away from a breakdown, features gaunt and eyes dangerously dead. He just looked fucking exhausted all the damn time, but his tired eyes were doing something to Billy.But Harrington’s tired eyes were a whole different thing when they were on the court. It was like a flame had been lit, deep in those pools of chocolate of his, and Billy felt the thrill of excitement running down his spine, the promise of a fight bittersweet in his veins. The anticipation and the adrenaline pumping in his blood was making him aggressive, but Harrington was meeting him straight on and unflinching. He had some fire in him, after all, huh? That fire was barely shimmering - nothing like Billy’s fucking wildfire -, but it was there, and it had been the most alive the brunet had seemed to be since the beginning of the day.His eyes were sharp, fixed on Billy, but he showed nothing.Apart from being alert, he wasn’t letting anything slip past that wall of nonchalance and boredom that made Billy’s skin itch for a fight.It was frustrating.Billy understood how to hide his own emotions, something vital for his own survival in Neil’s fucking house, but he did it by being angry at the world and being borderline violent when he wanted to escape a situation involving feelings.Harrington was more on the cold, impassible side of things.Tommy said that he used to be called the ‘Ice King of Hawkins’, and that had made him choke on a laugh. It was so fucking corny, but so typical for small town folks that he had just shrugged it off. Billy had to admit: the title was actually fitting. Harrington was as warm as a block of ice, and he didn’t even try to engage with anyone except from his ex and that creepy Byers guy. He just really didn’t fight for anything. The blond had arrived like a hurricane in Hawkins and taking the title of King had been easier than stealing a lollipop from a goddamn baby. It was fucking annoying. Billy wanted to know everything that was going on inside that fluffy head of his, and he wanted to see what Harrington looked like when his façade fell.He wanted to know what it was like to see the King fall.The blond wanted to see that wall crumble, and he wanted to be right in the middle of the chaos when it would happen. Pretty Boy was going to crack, one day, and Billy wanted to see it with his own eyes.He had spent the week annoying the guy. His eyes had followed him down the school’s hallways. He kicked his chair in the classes they shared. He was relentless. And Harrington knew Billy was focused on him, was watching him like a predator hunting prey.It was always a slight shift in his shoulders. The guy had an amazing sixth sense, that was for sure.But now they were staring in each other’s eyes, and Billy’s blood was boiling.“Alright! Alright, alright!” He yelled, dribbling with a grin as Harrington put himself between Billy and the basketball hoop.As if it would stop him.“King Steve! King Steve, everyone!” The other boy seemed disturbed by his behavior. It shouldn’t be so enticing. “I like it. Playing though today, huh?”Harrington wasn’t built like Billy, he wasn’t a bulk of tight muscles. He was more like a swimmer, all lean muscles fit for it, and there was no hiding that he was strong. But the blond knew he’d beat his in a fight. Harrington couldn’t plant his fucking feet.“Jesus.” Again with the exasperated sigh, again with the eyeroll and the quick dismissal. Billy was fucking fuming. “Do you ever stop talking? Man, come on.”Fucking hell. He was so fucking annoying, but so fucking pretty. Billy was so fucked. Harrington was going to either make him explode in fury or fall to his knees and beg for his attention. But not today, not on this fucking court. He let out a laugh, breaking the tension for a second as he relaxed, but Harrington’s reaction was to tense up and follow him like a hawk.“What?” He dribbled, ignoring everyone and everything to keep Harrington’s eyes on him. “You afraid the coach’s gonna bench you now that I’m here? Huh?”He was speaking bullshit, of course. Harrington was probably the only decent player in this fucking place, the only one worthy of Billy’s compliments. But the brunet was being difficult, and Billy wasn’t known for his patience. He didn’t have a lot of virtues, and that was certainly not one of them.He body-slammed Harrington with his shoulder, and the dumbass stumbled and fell on his butt while he got to the basketball hoop and scored yet another two-pointer. This was too fucking easy. Harrington should have plant his feet. Billy high-fived one of his teammates while the whistle blew stridently in the gym, ending this quarter of the game. Billy snapped his head to look at Harrington - to see his reaction-, but the boy was still on the floor, blinking numbly at the gym’s ceiling. Fucking Christ. He looked fucking out of his mind. It made him nervous. He didn’t know how to deal with this, with the fucking zoning out Harrington seemed to fall prey to more and more as time went by.And he had only known the guy for a week....Billy didn’t like it.He stood over him, holding out his hand for the boy to grab, and fucking hell, his hand was so soft, but so rough at the same time, sweaty and all of that shit, but still smaller than the blond’s. How he wanted that hand around his- Billy was going to lose his goddamn mind.He literally pulled Harrington to him, drilling his gaze in the brown of his eyes, heart wild in his ribcage and a giddy feeling pooling in his blood. Just a little bit more and their lips would be touching.Billy wanted. Billy wanted bad.The brunet’s eyes nervously avoided his own and – No!– He was going to kill something- but Billy shoved his face closer to Harrington’s, and he couldn’t look away anymore.“You were moving your feet.” His voice was lower than it was necessary, Billy’s excitement flaring wildly as Harrington frowned both with annoyance and confusion. God he was so fucking dumb- “Plant them next time, draw a charge.” He pushed him back on the ground roughly, walking over him and away from him furiously as he tried to calm his thoughts. Fuck. Fucking shit! He needed a shower.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Shower time turned out to be a lot more harder to handle than expected.Harrington was right there, and Billy had to fight the clawing beast inside of him to keep his eyes over waist level.Billy still let his gaze travel over the brunet’s wide shoulders, over his lean chest and discrete if not solid abs. Yeah, he was soft in a way the other boy just wasn’t, but Billy fucking drooled for that softness. He wanted to dig his fingers in the flesh, and he wanted to leave marks that would last for days on Harrington’s skin.He barely reacted when the blond sneaked up next to him, hair drenched from his own shower while the brunet washed the sweat off his body under the showerhead next over. He glanced sideways at the Californian, eyes stubbornly staying between Billy’s forehead and pecs, but that didn’t piss him off as much as he’d thought. Harrington was staring, and that was everything he wanted. He recovered quickly, unfortunately, but Billy wasn’t done with him yet.“Don’t sweat it, Harrington.” He said with faux sympathy, tilting his head back to have a better view of the brunet as the muscles of his arms flexed, his abs clenching a little with a twist of his body when he rinse the shampoo from his hair, shaking his head right after to chase the water out of his eyes.Billy wasn’t drooling, he wasn’t.“Today’s just not your day, man.”“Yeah. Not your week.” Tommy – the fucking weasel – came in and ruined everything.Billy had to turn around to snatch his towel to refrain himself from jumping at Tommy’s fucking throat-“You and the Princess break up for one day, and she’s already running off with the freak’s brother.” Harrington froze for the slightest of moments, but Billy noticed it right away. Tommy did too, and he chuckled, eyes wide with cruel glee as he leaned closer to the brunet, who very pointedly ignored him. “Oh shit. You don’t know.”Billy almost felt bad for Harrington. Almost. But he wanted to see how this would play out.“Jonathan and the Princess skipped yesterday. Still haven’t shown. But that must just be a coincidence, right?” The wheezing laugh that Hagan let out would have been answered by Billy’s fist in his face because of how fucking annoying it was, but Harrington’s reply froze them both on the spot.“Don’t call him that.”What the...“What?” Tommy snapped, face contorting into a mask of stunned fury.“Don’t call him that.” Harrington repeated with absolutely no care in his voice. It was like nothing fucking mattered for him, fucking shit. “Don’t call him a freak. His name is Will, and he went through some shit, so stop it.” Steve’s eyes turned icy, like Billy had never seen before, and Tommy’s dumbass grin fell quicker than the Titanic sank.“What the fuck is your deal, Steve? Huh?” He hissed like a snake, taking a step back as if he had been slapped when the brunet just leveled him with a dead eyed stare. “You’re protecting Creepy Byers now?”“I’m not. I’m telling you to stop calling a child by names, Hagan.” Harrington leveled the weasel with a dark, icy glare that made shivers run down Billy's skin.Now, Billy had been told about Tommy’s and Harrington’s dramatic friendship, and how it had ended. He had had the explanations about all the drama that had happened between Wheeler, Byers and Harrington. This felt like the telenovelas his mom would watch on Mondays during those waves of heat washing over California, back when she was still around. Back when she cared. Hagan looked utterly flabbergasted by Harrington’s freezing attitude, and it was so fucking entertaining to watch.“Fuck you, Steve. You were doing it before-““Yeah, I was doing it before I learned about the truth of what happened to Will, so you better shut your mouth and go lick someone else’s ass if you want to keep your face in one piece.”A deadly silence followed Harrington’s sudden show of emotion, his anger burning so hot that Billy was melting. He knew he had some fire in him. Harrington stared right at Tommy’s speechless face, daring the guy to test his patience as he went back to the cool, uncaring façade that he had seemed to show the world since a year or so.Tommy couldn’t lose this fight, thought, clearly wounded in his ego and lashing out to save some face in front of the entire team.“You just can’t fucking stand Nancy dumping your royal ass, you weak bitch.”It was weak, so fucking weak, but it seemed to touch a sensible part of the brunet, the guy flinching ever so slightly that only Billy noticed.Billy would also do that when Neil stepped closer to him when he wanted to make a point.Harrington sighed a little and went back to his shower, Hagan storming away and back to the lockers while Billy turned to the tired-looking brunet.Did that guy fucking sleep at night or was he just always like this? Billy didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose, but it was giving life to a buzzing in his skin that felt like he had to grab Harrington’s shoulders to shake him to bring him back to life.“Don’t take it too hard, man.” He casually leaned on the showerhead, staring at that pale skin like a hungry wolf, Harrington giving him another of those lazy glances that had the habit of making Billy’s insides twist excitedly. He really did like those tired doe eyes. “A pretty boy like you has got nothing to worry about. Plenty of bitches in the sea.”He grinned like a maniac at the other boy, and just because Billy was a little shit – and because he just could -, reached for the valve and shut down the water, buzzing like a maniac in his skin when Harrington shot him a dirty, dark glare.“Am I right?” Billy mumbled, still smirking, slapping his back like they were the best buddies in the world. “I’ll be sure to leave you some.”He distantly heard Harrington slap the valve open with a frustrated itch to his breathing, and he knew that he looked fucking mental when he stepped out of the shower room.This had been a great day.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A feeling of deep fury – hiding something much more dangerous in his life: fear and worry – was all that took place his Billy’s heart as he watched Max argue with that boy.That black boy.In Billy’s world, you couldn’t talk with those people. You couldn’t even look at them.Neil had been crystal clear.So of course, Billy had made friends with them.Back in Cali, he had had many friends from many different places, and Neil had been fucking livid when he had seen his son hang out with those people. Billy hadn’t been able to open his fucking eye for the month that followed his father’s fit or rage, and he had earned himself many, many nights of endless pain under his boots.Billy didn’t hate those people, but Hawkins was probably the whitest fucking place he had ever been in his entire goddamn life, so it wouldn’t be much difficult for Neil to make the connection between Max and that boy if he ever got wind that the redhead was speaking with those people.Billy was also denying that his protectiveness of Max was because of Neil’s shadow over their heads, and not because his siste- his stepsister was speaking with a boy.Absolutely not.He gave a dark look at the boy while Max skated down to his car, looking upset. What. Had. He. done?He pushed himself off his car, walking around it to open the driver’s door while Max went for the passenger seat. “That kid you were talking. Who is he?”Billy was ready to fucking snap.“He’s no one.” She replied gruffly, not making eye contact.That little bitch was making his life so fucking difficult.“No one?” His voice showed how much he didn’t believe one word of what she was saying. She had better give him an excellent explanation or he would ask for blood.“This kid from my class.”
Not good enough, Max. Lie better.
He caught the boy looking back at his sister- at Max, quickly avoiding Billy’s stare before the blond teenager slipped inside his Camaro, lighting up his cigarette. Billy was tensed, his nerves were fucking raw. He knew his energy was weighting on the girl, because she sank a little more into her seat like it would open and eat her. The electricity around them was crackling, and Billy released the smoke out of the window before he asked:“Why was he talking to you?”“It was just a stupid class assignment.” She looked away and out of her window, and Billy licked his lower lip, that violent strike in him starting to itch at his very bones.
Lie better.
He’s going to catch on. He won’t believe you.
Lie better.
That faint buzz of aggressivity had turned into a low drilling sensation under his skin, making him numb to anything else.“Then why are you so upset?”
Lie better.
“I’m not!”“He causing you trouble?” He asked very calmly, but he was fooling no one: one wrong word and he’d fucking snap.“Why do you care?!” She turned her eyes to him, angry and annoyed and terrified.“Because, Max.” Why did she had to be such a fukcing bitch? Billy fucking hated her. He fucking hated her being in that house with that monster, he fucking hated how Susan could put her child in danger by staying with him. Then again, Billy's own mother left him alone with Neil. Billy didn't like to think about it. He fucking didn't. “You’re a piece of shit, but we’re family now, whether we like it or not, meaning I’m struck looking out for you.”Billy had to look out for her. He had to protect her. He had to keep Neil’s attention away. Away from her, no matter what. He didn’t want Max to become like him, like Billy. He didn’t want her to be always angry, always afraid. He didn’t want her to die.She threw her hands in the air, finally having enough.“What would I ever do without-“That’s it. He was done.“Hey!” He yelled, grabbing her arm with enough strength to break it, glaring at her terrified eyes to hide his own fear, his own pain. “This is serious shit, okay?” He sounded so scared to his own ears, so weak and small, like a kid, like he was eight again and his dad had backhanded him for the first time, towering over him as the walls around Billy started to close in.She had to understand, she had to fucking stop-“I’m older than you, and sometimes, you learn is there are a certain type of people in this world that you stay away from.”Neil would kill her. He would kill Billy and that little boy-“And that kid, Max...”He tightened his grip around her when she tried to break away, leaning closer to her so that she’d fucking understand. She never did. She couldn’t. How could she? She was Neil’s precious daughter. She never fucking listened to him. She always fucking ruined everything-“That kid is one of them.” Max tried to make him let go, in vain. “You stay away from him, you hear me?”
Don’t give him a reason to turn his anger on you, too.
“Stay. Away.” He growled at her, ignoring the ache in his heart as she stared at him, terrified.He pushed her, slamming back into his own seat, taking a drag from his cigarette as he tried to calm down, as he tried to keep the fucking violent animal he was on leash, but Max was not fucking helping. She was never helping. They were here because she had never fucking cared, because she was never fucking helping him.Billy hated everything in his life. Everything. Neil, Max, Hawkins, himself. He hated what he was, who he was, who he was interested in, and everyone that wanted him. Billy hated.He didn’t know what else to do.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Nancy was fuming.Well, her plan to get the attention of those lab people had worked, but she hadn’t wanted to be trapped between four walls and under camera surveillance. She wanted answers, and she always got what she wanted if she worked for it, so they were going to let her and Jonathan out so that she could have a word or two with the person who ran this whole thing.Thank God for Jonathan, Nancy had no idea of how she would do it without him. His calm nature helped her settle. He kept her from exploding, even when she wanted nothing more than to scream and cry out to the world that it wasn’t fair.If Steve had been here instead... Nancy didn’t want to sound mean, but Steve just couldn’t stay calm, and he could put her in danger by saying something stupid or revealing things that they knew to those people.Yes, it was better for Jonathan to be here.Besides, hadn’t Steve said that they had broken up? She knew she should feel awful for her behavior, but really there was nothing but relief knowing she was free. Steve wasn’t a bad guy, he had been careful of her needs and everything, and she knew he loved her, but... But Nancy wanted someone- something- else. She just couldn’t picture herself with Steve because he wanted them to be... To stay together until one of them would die. It wasn’t against him, Steve had such a heart of gold, even if he could be a real asshole sometimes – like with Jon, even if he had apologized for everything -. Steve... Steve fell hard, and Nancy couldn’t deal with him, his... How clingy he was. Steve was just too invested, and she had gotten scared. He was fully committed to her, and she wanted... She wanted more. More than this boring life he wanted for her, more than this dull existence in this small town.Nancy wanted to go to New York, or San Diego. She wanted Paris and London. Anywhere! Anywhere but Hawkins. She wanted to be free, and she knew that Jon would follow her to the ends of the world. His passion as a photographer could be so perfect for her dream as a journalist. They could cover such amazing stories all around the globe if only they could get out of this cursed town.
She knew she sounded mean, but that was just how she felt. She had rights, she didn’t have to love Steve. She wasn’t sure she ever had. Steve had been so persistent, so keen and adamant on changing for her, he had even dropped his bullying and his friends so that she’d say okay. And the girls at school had been right: he was an amazing kisser, and he was good in bed, but...She couldn’t lie to herself. She couldn’t keep on pretending.She didn’t love him.And wasn’t it much crueller to pretend and lie to him than to say the truth?She hadn’t delivered the news in the best way – true -, but at least now she was free. They both were. Steve could go back to his old ways, even if she wasn’t sure, after the whole Upside Down thing, that he would really be a bully again. Steve would be fine, he would.And she had more pressing matters at hand right now than her ex-boyfriend’s broken heart.Her heart almost leaped out of her chest when the only door in the room opened, letting in a suspiciously friendly-looking scientist – judging by the white lab coat he had on his shoulders – in the room. Nancy glanced behind him, noticing the - was that a National Guard? Or maybe a Marine? - military guard posted in the hall right outside the door.“Not very pleasant, is it?” The man poorly joked, looking like this awkward uncle who told weird and boring anecdotes at every Thanksgiving. “Sorry about that. Hospitality is not out strong suit. You know, scientist and all.” He chuckled, but Nancy was not amused.She was ready to rain fire and blood on them. She wanted answers. And now.Clearly this man wasn’t used to a woman’s quiet rage because one look into her eyes and he caved in, proposing a stupid walk inside what must be some sort of scientific... military facility. Nancy shared a glance with Jonathan, hesitating, but they followed the man out. Better doing something than to stay trapped in that room.He started to ramble about things she had no care about, her own questions stumbling in her brain, fighting to take the first place in her order of questioning. It was like she had a derailing train in her mind, and everything was crashing down and things seemed to catch on fire-“-Point is, mistakes have been made. A-”“Mistakes.” She interrupted him, turning an accusatory frown at him. “You killed Barbara.”How could he say this? How could he treat Barb like a- like a simple failed experiment, like some kind of test that didn’t work out. Nancy bristled, her stomach twisting uncomfortable while she clenched the strap of her bag.“Abundant mistakes, but... the men involved with those mistakes, the one responsible for what happened to your brother and Miss Holland’s death, they’re gone.” He sounded sure of himself, but Nancy was focused on the things happening around her, like that scientist doing testing with a lot of unidentified and suspicious things, yellow liquids and weirdly shaped masses being observed and manipulated by researchers wearing masks and lab coats.This was so wrong. It felt so wrong. Nancy really didn’t like any of this.“They’re gone, for better or for worse, I’m the schmuck they brought in to make things better.”How could things get better? Barb was dead, Will was... Will had been dragged into that horrible place, a monster had almost killed Jon and Nancy and Steve- How could things get better? Nancy felt like the entire world was trying to trap her, and that scientist was playing with her. He was too friendly, he said too much. He wanted to put her anger, and questions, at rest. He wanted to silence her.“But I can’t make thing better without your help.”“You mean without us shutting up?” She huffed snidely, giving the man a dark glare.They had signed NDAs, that’s all the government wanted: them to keep their mouths shut. They had been lucky that it was all they had had to do. They were lucky to still be alive. Will was lucky to still be out in the world and not in this facility where they would have made… experiments on him and all of that.“She’s tough, this one.” The old scientist mocked her, smirking like she was some sort of puerile conspiracy-theorist. “You guys been together long?”Nancy’s heart sped up, and she knew Jon must have felt as awkward as she did right now. This man was a stranger, how dare he? It was so rude to ask this kind of question to people you didn’t know at least a little bit. And this guy was part of an organisation that wanted to keep the truth about Barb’s death under wrap to save the government face. Why couldn’t they jut admit that they had done something wrong? Why couldn’t they just tell the truth: that they had killed a child. This was no mistake, it was murder, and Nancy would not stand by and watch them get away with it.She wouldn’t let them get away with murder.“Uh- We’re not together-“ Jon tried to counter, but got immediately and rudely interrupted.“Wanna see what really killed your friend?” Clearly the love-life of two annoying sneaky teenagers wasn’t something this guy was interested in. It was better this way, even if the awkwardness between Jon and herself lingered.The man opened what looked like a military grad reinforced door, stepping into some kind of commanding station that looked like the Star Trek’s Enterprise commanding post, with lights and cables and what looked like temper metal holding bulletproof glass. Nancy’s heart dropped into her stomach when she saw it.Specks of what looked like snow, or ashes, drifting along a nonexistent wind, surrounding vines that crossed each other in every direction, expanding like fingers of an unnamed monster to form a cocoon around a pulsing gleam of light that looked like the bating heart of something dark and powerful.“I’d call it one hell of a mistake.” The man’s cheerful voice rose above the rush of blood in her ears, above the terror and the panic that the memories of white, dead flesh and flower heads full of sharp teeth installed deep in her. “Wouldn’t you?”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nancy didn’t know what to say. She... She had promised herself she would tell the truth to Barb’s parents. But... but those people... They would- They would...She took a breath, aware of Jon’s nervousness next to her, the boy glancing her way every few seconds, and she tightened her grip around her bag, pulling the recorder out.-...Doesn’t really matter. The point is: mistakes have been made.The voice of that man rose from the device, Jon breathing heavily in his seat as his eyes shifted from the road to her and back.- Mistakes? Her own voice answered.- Yes-She pressed the recording forward, listening in silence at the man who had let go two teenagers who knew everything about the lab and what they were doing there out in the world.A horrible decision, really.-The men involved with those mistakes, the ones responsible for what happened to your brother and Miss Holland’s death, they’re gone-She rewound the tape.-The ones responsible for what happened to your brother and Miss Holland’s death, they’re gone.She clicked the tape shut, staring into the void while Jonathan turned to her, a frown and uncertainty floating on his brows. She had her proof. She had everything she needed.“You still want to do this?” He asked, and Nancy was glad he was here, with her. She was glad that he hadn’t rebuked her for her ideas, and that he had come with her for this. She wasn’t sure she would be able to do it without him.One thing was sure: she wanted justice for Barb, for Will. She wanted the people who did this to pay for their actions. Nancy may seem like a perfect daughter, like the straight-A student that followed the rules, but she was a strong woman, and she was ready to destroy whoever tried to get in her way for the truth to be revealed.“Let’s burn that lab to the ground.”She shoved it back in her bag, a firm expression on her face, turned back to stare straight ahead, jaw set. She would get justice, and she would burn everything to ashes in order to have it if it was necessary.But for now, they needed to get back home, and pretend like everything was fine and normal. She didn’t want to. It wasn't fine. Nothing was normal. Steve had wanted to keep on pretending, and it weighted heavy on her shoulders, on her heart. Why couldn’t he see that things were not fine? Why was he so desperate for them to be like everyone else, to smile and go on with their daily, boring lives as if Barb hadn’t been killed by a monster?Nancy closed her eyes, sighing.Steve would have told her to let it go, that there was nothing they could change.She wasn’t okay with this. She needed answers. She needed justice.And Steve couldn’t see that. He just couldn’t. He had to keep things simple, easy, normal. He had everything he wanted, always. Things were easy for Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington. Big name with big money. He didn’t act like a rich prick, and she knew he had a very sensible heart under all of that high school bravado, but... it was just too much, and not enough.Steve was just... not enough.Maybe that’s why he wanted to be normal. Because it was easier than to search for the truth. That was the small-town mindset that Nancy was so desperate to break free from. Steve just couldn’t understand her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Nancy’s complaints about Barb brought back nightmares that Steve thought buried deep in his subconscious. So deep, in fact, that he was sure he had forgotten them.He didn’t, of course, he didn’t, why would Steve get to have something nice in his life, right? Why wouldn’t the universe just leave him be, so that he could try and graduate with grades a bit over the minimum?Because the universe just loved to make his existence a living hell, that’s why.The nightmares had been tamed, for a while, staying just a bit PG, but that wasn’t supposed to last, and Steve knew it. He couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares, but he also couldn’t sleep because he was dreading the level of gore and shit that would be greeting him if he fell asleep. Tonight, was just another level of hell all together, and those nightmares?They violated his rest, to say the least.-He was running but he wasn’t moving his legs weighted a thousand pounds hands- claws were closing in on his flesh cutting and ripping and bloodblood-so much blood! The ground opened under him the walls of the Byers house were tearing on themselves monsters jumping to kill- Screams of agony and bones getting crushed thundering in his head he couldn’t breathe- There was water in his lungs! Eyes like black pools glowing through strands of wet dirty red hair. Barbara’s face opening up to let rows and rows and rows of teeth- Someone screamed his name- The teeth ripped him apart and everything was burning and-He woke up with a gasp, drenched in sweat, his heart hammering against his ribcage, his entire body trembling from exhaustion and something so much deeper, so much painful. Steve stared wide eyes straight ahead of him, and then he let out a harrowing sob. The dam of his pain, of his guilt, of everything he had kept in for so long, finally broke down, and the tears would not stop. He couldn’t breathe, trying in vain to take air into his lungs, but he choked, his throat closed in to tightly that his head started to spin.Steve’s body reacted on panic mode, scrambling out of his bedsheets, and falling on the hard floor with a wheezing gasp, trying-trying-trying to breathe. Barb was screaming in his backyard. She was screaming for help- Somebody, please. Just- He had to- He had to save her. He had to-
Move your fucking feet, Harrington.
He needed to get out of here, he needed to get some air! He needed to breathe- BREATHE GODDAMIT!He almost broke his neck running down the stairs, slamming the sliding open the door leading to his backyard and the pool, eyes glued on the eerie blue light of the water. The cold of the November night bit down at his skin like a million set of teeth, but he could barely feel anything aside from this agonising burn on his soul. It was like the hole in his heart was trying to finish him off for good.A girl had died here.Barb had died here.And it was all his fault.Steve sank to his knees next to the pool, burying his face in his hands, tears freezing on his skin as a sob of pain and desperation ripped him apart.“I’m sorry-“ He gasped, trying to get air inside his lungs, rocking his body back and forth. “I’m so sorry.”He wanted to scream, he wanted to die. Steve wanted so much for all of this to end. It shouldn’t have been her. Barb had not deserved what had happened. She shouldn’t have died.Steve should have died here.Because he deserved it.“I’m s-so s-sorry Ba-arb” He whimpered, pressing his palms over his eyelids with enough strength to see a parallel dimension popping in colors and dizziness all around him. “It’s m-my fault. It was a-ll... all my fault. I-I-“Barbara wouldn’t even have accepted his apology. She wouldn’t even have been able to look at him. Never. Steve couldn’t forgive himself, so why would Barb? She would have yelled, and blamed him, if she had survived. It was his fault. He had been the one who dragged Nancy back into the house, and he hadn’t- Steve just hadn’t cared about Barb at the time, and now she was gone. She would have been so angry, and Steve couldn’t say he would have done anything to try and refute her claims. Jesus, if he could just take er place, so that her parents could still have their bright, smart daughter, so that Nancy would still have her best friend.So that Steve could just disappear and fade away from everyone’s mind like he should have.Steve deserved to die, he had no purpose, no goal in life. He wasn’t useful, he hurt people, and nobody wanted him. Not his parents, not his friends, not Nancy. What was the point? WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT?! Why should he fight and cry and fall and get back up every time if it was all for nothing? Steve was tired.So, so tired.He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t live with himself. He couldn’t face himself anymore. He didn’t even deserve it. He just wanted to lay down and let the night take him away. He just wanted to feel something other than the oppressive darkness filling his existence. He wanted to just… go. Steve wanted to go. Somewhere far away, somewhere safe and warm and-
It felt good, to finally let go, to stop fighting.Why fight it? Why try? Steve was so tired. Sleeping just looked... so inviting, and the world wouldn’t mind. He could go... It was okay, everyone... would be fine with it. Yeah, yeah... He could close his eyes now and... it would be okay... It felt so...The numbness in his body that had become a constant in his life played tricks on him, the cold against his skin completely forgotten, and Steve barely registered when his eyelids started to close, eyes turning glassy, head falling heavily against the pavement of his pool as he stared numbly straight ahead, dead eyes full of malice peeking over the edge of the water.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The silence woke her up.The silence echoed deep within her, and yet she wasn’t afraid. She knew she was with Hopper, in the cabin, but everything around her was pitch black, and the ground was water.Eleven was in the Void.But... how? She hadn’t tried to enter the Void. Did... something make her? Did she answer a silent call from... that place?Eleven wasn’t afraid.The Void was her own space, her domain. She was in control here.The darkness was breached by a blue light coming from the ground. There was something blocking it. Something laying on the wet ground of the Void. She didn’t know what it was. It looked... like a person. Maybe it was Mike?She started walking.When she came up to the blue light, it was just a hole. A hole with water in it. And blue light.Strange.The little girl frowned when she saw who was laying next to that hole of water.It wasn’t Mike. Eleven was a bit disa... dis- disappointed...The person was tall, she could tell, even if they were sleeping on the floor. It didn’t look comfortable, like her bed. Her eyes trailed confusedly over this person’s face, seeing that their eyes were still open, but there was nothing to tell her that they were alive.They had that same look in their eyes as when she had killed those bad people.Empty and frozen. Lifeless.But what caught her eye was the hair. They had a lot of hair, more than her. She liked their hair; it was the same color as her. But hers were curly. Not theirs. It was plastered on their forehead, shivers were making their breathing tremble, and their skin was covered by a tiny sparkles of solid water.Ice, Hopper had told her. He said that ice and snow were going to come soon, and that it was dangerous to go outside without a coat, even more dangerous when it was dark outside.
So... why were they not wearing a coat? Why were they sleeping outside. It was cold, all around her, and she was wearing a long shirt that covered her arms. That person wasn’t.Who were they?Steve Harrington, a voice supplied, soft and sad. Help him.She remembered him, now. She had felt him, when that monster she had let out from that place had been killing. A girl had died. She had red hair.This Steve person had killed the monster. She had felt it.Her friends had said he wasn’t a good person. Not like the bad people of the lab, more like Two and his friends, when they were mean to her. But her feeling was saying that he wasn’t like that. She could feel his guilt eating him from inside. She could feel how tired her was. He was more tired than Hopper.And angry.She could feel he was angry at a lot of things she didn’t understand – a woman and a man that looked a lot like him, Mike’s sister... -. Eleven didn’t pry more. Hopper had said that invading people’s mind was bad, and that she should never do it without asking for their consent.Steve wasn’t a bad guy.He had killed the monster.She didn’t know if that voice in her head was her own, or if it was someone else, but that voice was right: she could save this Steve. She didn’t have to be a monster. She didn’t have to kill people.She could help Steve.Eleven blinked her eyes open, her body heavy on her bed. She didn’t want to move. No, she frowned stubbornly. She had to get up. She had to tell Hopper about this Steve Harrington.She had to tell him he was dying.The little girl rolled off of her bed, feet touching the ground, and made her way to the couch, where Hopper had fell asleep in front of the TV.Eleven loved TV, it was fun to watch. She liked the bright colors, and the stories, and the warm feeling she felt when she was watching it. Like eating Eggos. It was so different than in the lab, or in the Void. It was always cold and dark, or cold and too bright. It felt wrong and painful. So, she liked TV. But Hopper had told her she couldn’t watch other things than ‘telenovelas’ and ‘children’s movies’.Eleven was a little angry at him, because he was keeping her here, away from her friends, and now he didn’t want her watching everything that she was curious about.But he said he was doing it for her own safety. He wasn’t mean, he was just trying to protect her from the bad people, from Papa. She hated Papa, but she knew Hopper wasn’t like him. Hopper was warm, even if he was always a bit gruff, and sad. He tried to hide it, but Eleven could feel it. She knew he was feeling sad.She put her hand on the man’s shoulder, shaking him a little to wake him up, and he shot up straight, startling her. His eyes search for some invisible threat, but he saw her, and his body deflated with a tired sigh.“El.” He said, frowning. “You should be in bed. Why aren’t you asleep?”“Steve.”“What?”“He needs help.”The gruff man looked like she had told him she had ate all the Eggos in one day. He looked surprised, and confused. Why was he not going? Steve needed help.
“Wai-What? What Steve? You’re not talking about Harrington, right?”“Steve needs help.” She nodded, putting a little more stress in her voice so that Hopper would understand that it was serious. “He’s dying.”That seemed to be what Hopper needed to hear, because he was up and out of the cabin in two seconds, not without screaming at her to stay in and go back to bed. She didn’t want to go back to bed, she wanted to see this Steve, and maybe touch his hair. He had great hair.And she wanted to know how he lived with being angry. She was angry too, and she wanted to know why Steve was angry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hopper cursed all the way to Harrington’s house, praying to God that he wouldn’t be too late.There was no way he’d be able to live with himself if another kid died on his watch.He sped down the roads to Loch Nora - pretty much crashing into a ditch far too many times for a law enforcer such as himself - and jumped out of the car before he had fully stopped it, running up to the door and banging on it like he had done so many times in the past. It used to be because of underage drinking, because of noise complaints. Because of innocent teenage behavior that Hopper’s kids had just stopped doing in the past year.Jim had caught that little shit Harrington with his pants down way too much for his sanity to still hold strong, that was for sure. If he could never see this again in his life, he’d die a happy man, but right now he wished more than anything to get back to when things were simpler, where Byers, Wheeler and Harrington didn’t have to fight monsters, and where El could see her friends. He missed the boring, monotonous life in Hawkins, as dull as he sounded. He just wanted peace and quiet in his town.Jim’s current panic wasn’t because the kid was throwing a party and letting booze run free with a house full of underage, hormonal teenagers.He hadn’t been to Steve’s house for any kind of party since… since the Demogorgon, now that he remembered. Steve used to be the very bane of his existence, always doing shit around town, and making Hopper fill out so many reports about whatever dumb thing he had pulled during the weekend. Now, it was like the kid didn’t even exist. He had just faded into the background of Hawkins, and Hopper hadn’t even noticed.It had taken his daught- El waking him up at three in the morning to tell him that Harrington was dying.Jim’s heart tightened guilt clawing at his throat. He should have checked on him. He should have made sure he was okay. Steve had killed a goddamn monster, and Jim hadn’t thought about the consequences. He had been so concerned with El and the lab and-He had no excuses. He should have made sure the kid was alright. It was his fucking job, goddamnit!
Please, please. Don’t make me be too late. Don’t make me be too late to save the kid. Please-
Nobody was answering, and he thought for a minute about smashing the door open, but he figured that Steve would have left the backdoor open, because nobody ever committed crimes around Hawkins, and everyone just left their doors unlocked. That’s how boring it was in small towns. That’s how Jim wanted it to be.But the government had to put a goddamn lab in the middle of nowhere, which happened to be right next to Hawkins, and now he had to deal with traumatised children, a psychic daughter who was getting frustrated by the day, and that scientist guy, Owens, who just seemed to enjoy Hopper’s suffering. Fuck this shit. Hopper hated everything in this town.Except maybe Joyce, and the kids. He loved Hawkins when it was a boring town where monsters just didn’t happen to rip their way through walls, okay?!Hopper would have loved to keep it that way, but some mental scientists and also the goddamn government had decided that Hawkins was the perfect little place to do horrible experiences involving children with superpowers and other dimensions full of flesh-eating monsters.Did he make it clear that he hated this fucking lab and what had happened there?He was more than livid.And now he felt like things were about to go to shit again. He didn’t know how he knew, but he just did, and he had had a very bad day. Hopper had that uncomfortable feeling of wrongness hovering above his conscience, and now a kid was in danger. Not the kind of danger he thought it’d be, but still in danger.Jim rounded around the impressively big house – he was always a little surprised by the very size of this mansion, the Harringtons had way too much money for it to be legal, but whatever, they were around like, three times a year, so Hopper didn’t have to deal with the annoying couple. Just their son – and froze dead in his tracks.Steve was lying, probably dead, by the pool.
No-no-NO! Please God no.
He couldn't lose another child- He couldn't do this all over again. Oh God, oh dear God-“Harrington!” He fell to his knees next to the kid, taking him in his arms and- Fucking God, he was freezing. He skin was horribly pale, bluish, and hard to his touch. Oh no. Oh God no. “Hey! Harring- Steve! Do you hear me?” He shook Steve, trying to get him to respond, because Jim was about to lose his mind. “Hey, wake up, kid...”“I’m so sorry.” It was whispered, weak, so weak and it ripped Jim apart. There was so much pain, so much guilt, so much wrong, in that voice. “I’m so sorry...”The kid wasn’t listening to him. He wasn’t even looking at him, eyes desperately locked on the pool. There was nothing in that pool. And why was it not covered. They were in November, goddamnit!He couldn’t keep him here. He had to bring him back. The hospital- No. If they went to a hospital, they’ll ask questions he couldn’t answer, and then the government would know because they always fucking knew- He had to bring him back with him. To the cabin. He'd call joyce in the morning, she'd know what to do. Yes. Yes, he had to move now, he had to bring Steve somewhere safe and warm.The implication of El being revealed didn’t even crossed his mind. He just had to keep Steve alive. And warm. Shit!“Come on, kid. Stay with me.” He begged, gathering the teen in his arms and hating the way he didn’t weight as much as Hopper had anticipated. This was bad. This was so much worst than what he had thought. “You gotta stay with me, kid. You hear me? You can’t fucking die on me like this.”Steve whimpered, boneless against his chest while he ran back to the car, putting him on the backseat and kicking the heat up inside the vehicle. The officer basically made it back at the cabin in less than five minutes. He kicked the door open, Steve in his arms, and didn’t comment on El jumping from the couch to see the boy. He would have a talk with her later. Right now, his focus was to get Steve warm.The brunet was trembling violently, tears in his eyes, body limp, and Hopper had nowhere to put him but on the couch. El’s room was not an option, and the rest of the cabin was still waiting for him to find time to renovate, and Hopper knew the couch was comfortable enough. He stripped the boy from his damp pyjamas, throwing a warm padded knitted blanket over him before going to put some firewood in the wood-burner.El watched him work, very curious, but her attention was mostly on the teenager.Jim finally managed to breathe normally once Steve stopped shaking, his hiccups dying down to a rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. The boy had his eyes open, half delirious with the fever that broke out at some point, and he looked around before his gaze settled on the little girl sitting right in front of him on the floor, staring with wide eyes at the boy.Steve’s own widened, and it was like he sank deeper into the couch when he closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, tears welling up in his eyes.“...You’re alive.”There was so much awe and relief in Steve’s voice, Hopper suddenly felt horrible of having hid her from everyone. But he had done it out of worry for her safety. Hopper didn't understand why Harrington would be-That Holland girl had died in Steve’s pool. Everything made sense now. Oh God, how could he have been so blind? A portal had opened in Steve’s backyard, and El had ‘disappeared’ in the last one. Of course, he would have kept his pool open, just for the slight chance of giving that little girl, that child, a chance to come back.Hopper was such a bad parent.And El must be feeling a lot of things, right now. Anger and resentment because he kept her away from the world all the time. Curiosity, since Steve was someone else, someone she didn’t really know, but someone she had seen before and heard about. It was a bit hypocrite, to keep El from her friends, but to bring Nancy’s boyfriend of all people to the cabin. Hopper felt a bit bad, and he feared she’d get mad and throw things with her mind again.But she had asked him to go and help Steve. El didn’t seem all that angry at him. She looked a bit excited, even, as she leaned a bit closer, studying Steve’s face and hair. It was like she had found something excitedly weird and new, and now she wanted to speak with it- Him. With Steve.But it was three o’clock, and she was going to be Jim’s worst nightmare in the day that would follow. He had to go to work, so he needed that minimum of five hours of sleep. With Steve taking the couch, he’d take the old lazy boy in the corner. Hopper really needed to buy some furniture. And finish the cabin.“Alright young lady.” Hopper said and she turned pleading eyes to him, which didn’t work on him at all. Not tonight. “You are going back to bed, and you are going to let him sleep, understood?” He gave a pointed glance at the feverish boy sleeping on the couch, while his daughter's- While the girl’s face fell, a stubborn frown settling on her small face.“But-““No. No buts.” He wasn’t going to let her win, he had to be firm on this. He was the adult here, and even if she could kill him with her brain, El was going to listen to him. She was going to obey his rules. And right now, his rule was to go to sleep. “You can ask your questions tomorrow. He’s going to stay with us for a while.” He gave a head nod to her bedroom, insisting. “In your bed. Now.”Steve would probably be sick tomorrow, and Hopper knew he’d complain all day about it like the teenager he was, but that would be tomorrow’s problem. El would have all the time in the world to annoy the brunet. Right now, Hopper was tired, and his little girl would be impossible to deal with if she didn’t have her full eight hours of sleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Steve woke up to the sensation of being stared at.His first instinct was to bolt out of bed, his brain imagining demon-like creatures ready to dismember him on the spot, but his body refused to move. He weighted a ton of rocks. There was a buzzing under his skin that was slowly trying to squeeze his brain to death, and Steve could feel the world spin, even with his eyes still painfully closed. His blood was pounding in his head, cold sweat drenching him, and he was hot all over. Something was preventing him from moving.And that feeling of being watched again-It was like an itch on his skin just turning into a low burning sensation that got his eyes to fly open, sitting up on his-Wait. Where... Where was he?Steve’s eyes frantically searched all over the room, seeing nothing but dilapidated wood walls, ugly curtains, and old furnishings. He could see the plywood at some places, and some components of the electric system were hanging off the ceiling... What? His eyes lowered on himself, and he frowned confusedly at the mismatched quilted blanket covering his legs.This wasn’t his house.The boy turned with panic in his mind, scenarios pilling up, but he froze right there, pinned on the couch by a pair of big, innocent brown eyes. The little girl, sitting with her legs crossed, gave him a beaming smile, and he blinked, dumb.“Hi!”Steve opened his mouth, eyes wide because that was- She- How?! How was she still here?! Wasn’t she trapped in that horrible place Will had been in for a week, last year? What the hell- What the fuck was happening? How was she here? And why-“Oh good, your awake.” A second, much more gruff and low voice, rose from behind him.Steve whipped around, frowning when he recognised the Chief, who was looking at him like Steve would both break his house and break down in tears, the blanket slipping off him a bit more, and that’s when he noticed that he was naked- What the fuck?! This wasn’t happening. Why- Where were his clothes?! He searched for his clothes, but there weren’t there. He didn’t scream, but it came close, pulling the blanket so high up on himself that the only thing still uncovered were his eyes and the top of his head. Where the f-“Relax, kid. I put them in the washing machine, they were wet and cold.” Hopper grunted in his cup of coffee, Steve distractedly noting that the girl sitting on the floor poked her head to the side to glance at the police officer, who raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the antics of both brunets.“Why… Why am I here?” Steve asked, feeling like he had molasses in his mouth and a jackhammer in his head.Hopper’s permanent frown – really Steve had never seen him without it, poor guy, maybe he was always angry, like Steve… Probably, the guy used to come to his house to give him warnings about underaged drinking and unsafe sex. Steve would never have sex with a girl without protection, okay? His noona had been clear: “Stefano, if you make a girl pregnant without marrying her, I will take a plane to come in America and cut your penis.” Noona could be scary when she wanted, and Steve had been traumatised ever since – deepened with concern, and he put his cup of precious coffee down with a dull thud. Steve winced.“You fell asleep by the pool, last night. You’re lucky El saw you, and that I arrived so fast. A few more minutes, and it would have been too late.”The pool? Steve had no-Oh.The outside world vanished, the sounds muffled by a sudden ‘woosh’ that went away with the warmth, and the dread in his stomach bubbled like acid, bile gathering in his mouth. Steve was staring at two malicious little marbles of darkness trapped in a disembodied face between wet, slimy locks of reddish hair, a cruel grin splitting the face open to let out a-“-eve! Steve!” Hopper’s voice crashed into him like a derailing train, the man’s hands in a tight, desperate grip around his arms, a frightened, horrified expression in his eyes. The girl – El, her name- her name... the kids had called her El... - stood near, fear making her look close to tears as she took Steve’s hand in hers.“You’re hurt.”The teenager stared at the girl, and she stared back, and something seemed to brush against Steve’s skin. It felt like the wind on a beach in Italy, that one time his mamma had brought him with her during her trip ‘back home’, the summer where Steve had found warmth and love in the arms of a grandmother he had rarely heard about. The summer he learned that he was wanted by at least one soul on this planet. A soul gone now. It felt like he was accepted for who he was completely, without any judgment, and it felt so strange. The little girl smiled at him, like she had found a friend in him, and Steve couldn’t smile back, even though he wanted to. She was just... so bizarre. But she looked kind.“I’m... I’m okay.” He found himself saying, and she twisted her mouth, pressing her lips together and giving him a frown that rivaled the Chief’s, shaking her head.“You’re hurt, and angry. Inside.” She touched her chest, over her heart, doing the same with him, and Steve fought the tears back, he really did, but they slipped silently down his cheeks. His chest felt constricted, it was like his rib cage was slowly closing on itself, trying to choke his heart and lungs. Steve had to breathe.
Breathe...
She took his face between her hands, looking at him with nothing but understanding in her eyes, something haunted in the bottom. “It’s okay. Me too. I angry too. Sad too. Jim too. It’s okay.”
She was firm, giving him a serious look that left no room for questions, simply nodding like she was a wise monk teaching the secrets of life to her students. The Chief’s name brought Steve’s attention back to him, the man standing behind the child with his arms crossed, gruff, glaring worriedly at the teenager.“You and I are going to have a talk, Harrington, trust me, but right now, I have to go to work, and El wants you to stay. I left coffee in the machine, and there’re waffles in the freezer. Don’t give her more than two or she’ll get sick, am I clear?” Steve just didn’t know what to say, his brain absolutely blank from any thoughts, barely grasping whatever the fuck was happening right now, but the man was scaring him a little, and he was curious about EL and her story, so he simply nodded, his action mirrored by Hopper, who gave a much sharper, decided nod. “I’ll call the school about you skipping the day, and you better stay indoors, the both of you. El, go fetch him clothes, on the washing machine- not inside. On. Please.”El gave her... guardian - father? What was Hopper to her, exactly? – a nod, even though she seemed displeased by his orders, and Steve found himself imitating her, exchanging a smile with her while the man yelled things over his shoulder about having a great day, and to stay inside to not be seen, and also not destroying his cabin while he ran down the front porch’s stairs and jumped in his car. Steve watched him drive away, the child holding the curtain to wave at the retreating truck, and then she ran to the washing machine, came back, and threw him a well-worn shirt and a pair of jeans.There were even socks. Nice.The girl made her way back to the ‘kitchen’ right after, which was basically one big room separated by the couch he had been sleeping on before. Hopper had put a table to probably make it seems like there was a kitchen unit.Steve, the blanket securely wrapped around his chest, went to what was the bathroom – looking as run down as the rest of the place – and quickly put on the clothes. There was no underwear, but guessing that the clothes had be,onged to Hopper’s - in some distant past -, Steve really didn’t care.He came out of the bathroom to find the girl slamming the pack of waffles on the table.Hopper had said to eat Eggos... but Steve wasn’t a fan, even if he could enjoy a waffle every now and then. He just wanted something else. Something... He didn’t know, but something else.That made perfect sense, yes.Besides, homemade food was better than processed food, right? Healthier or something like that.Steve opened the refrigerator, and stuck his head in. Eggs, milk… Man, he even had cheese. Cheap-ass cheese, but he still cheese. There was a lot of paper bags betraying Hopper’s tendency for junk food, just laying around on every available surface of this cabin, but at least he had things to feed a growing girl. Steve could see the vegetables peeking shyly from behind the containers and beer bottles.Mmm. Maybe he could steal one since he was trapped in here......mmm- Better not.Coffee would do. Coffee always helped, and Steve was pretty sure he could only manage to function in his daily activities because he drank coffee. There was literally no other explanation.
“Hey, kid.” He called from inside the refrigerator, eyes peeking just over the edge of the door as the girl perked up to attention. “Wanna eat something else than Eggos?”She frowned deeply, like he had offended her entire bloodline or something, making a face that could only be described by the words ‘how dare you ask me that?’, but Steve just stared at her unbothered, and she puffed her cheeks, tapping her foot on the floor, petulant.“But Eggos good!” She yelled like it was a fact written in the Bible itself.If only...“Yeah, they are, but I can tell you that an omelette would be even better. You sure you don’t want to try that?” She opened her mouth and sighed deeply, cheeks puffing, and Steve smile stayed hidden by the edge of the refrigerator’s door.“What’s an...” She trailed off, unsure of what the word was.“Omelette?” She nodded at his inquiry, and he raised an eyebrow, closing the door of the refrigerator with his hip, his arms full with the ingredients. “Oh, it’s a fancy way of doing eggs for breakfast, really. You can put vegetables, and meat, and you put cheese also, if you want. It’s very good, and I’m sure you’d like it.”She seemed to really consider her options, her face scrunched into an adorable little frown of concentration, making Steve smile and huff a laugh.“You can still eat waffles, if that’s what you want. I’m not forcing you, you know? I don’t really eat in the morning, but now that we have time, I can just cook us breakfast. Your choice, Ellie.”The nickname brought a smile to her lips, her face beaming like rays of sunshine, and she jumped to come stand next to him while he started the preparation. Her eyes watched, full of curiosity, as he dumped the ingredients for his own omelette in a bowl, put it in the pan, and then turned to her with a silent inquiry of his eyebrow. She stared at him, glanced at the sizzling food on the stove, and then hesitantly pointed to him the things she wanted in her own omelette.Steve smiled, giving her the things she wanted so that’s she could do her own mix, and then exchanged his fuming omelette with her preparation, El watching the bubbling golden mix and the smoke twirling upwards, until finally it was ready. Steve brought the two plates to the ridiculously small table, the girl following behind him with a look of suspicious curiosity on her small face.“Ah shit. I forgot the salt and pepper.” He complained and started to stand up, but she put her hand on his arm, smiling at him with a strange face, mirth dancing in her eyes as she nodded at Steve to sit back down.Steve frowned, but she turned her head away, staring at the two little bottles of slat and pepper like she was about to shoot lasers from her eyes and pulverise them to ashes, and his heart sped up when blood dripped from her nose. He was about to stand and run to wherever the bathroom was in this cabin, but he froze dead on his chair.The salt and the pepper were flyin- They were flying towards them. The salt an- What the hell? What in the- How was this even possible?Wait a damn minute.Why was he so stunned?He had seen and killed a fucking nine-foot-tall monster, for Christ’s sake! A girl with powers wasn’t something he should be surprised bout.Especially since he knew she had those fucking powers.He had completely forgot. Steve forgot lots of things all the time. He didn’t know why. Not important right now.That was the big, bad secret that the gang was hiding from the Feds, remember? The girl with the superpowers? Wake up, Harrington.It was just so wild to see it for real, and for something as childish as getting the salt and pepper.Steve’s head whipped around, eyes wide, El’s eyes following the two seasonings until they were safely put down in front of her, raising her arm to wipe the blood under her nose, but Steve took her arm, stopping her with a reprimanding frown before he stood and took the roll of paper towel back to the table.“I had forgotten you could do that. It’s cool. Maybe I should call you Supergirl.” That made her smile again, and she tried to lick the blood under her nose, which got Steve to hold out a paper towel in front of her. “Here, wipe that, and then eat. I want to know what you think about my omelette.” He ordered her gently, deciding to drop the subject of her powers because he had one braincell still in function and it was busy on eating.Steve dived in his plate, the egg burning his tastebuds beyond repair, but he ignored it because it tasted so good. He looked up from his plate, smiling in his food as the little girl stared at him, probably debating on eating her own meal or not. She looked like a spooked little bunny trying to tell if what she had in front of her had poison in it, and judging by the way she waited for Steve to swallow his mouthful - he ignored the literal fact that his entire throat burned all the way down to his stomach because of that - before even taking her own fork in her hand. Steve knew she was still sceptical, but there was progress there, no?In her mind, nothing was better than Eggos.Steve watched with amusement as she slowly brought her fork full of eggs and cheese and small cubes of ham to her mouth, looking so concentrated doing so that he barely muffled a laugh, avoiding her frown as best as he could while taking another large bite of his omelette. El glanced at her own, then at him, then him again, and then she just... straight up chomped the food like a squirrel shoving food in its cheeks.She didn’t move for what was like, a second, before chewing like she was possessed, and Steve was ready to jump into lifeguard mode if she suddenly choked, but she swallowed without a problem bits by bits, until all left in her eyes were stars of pure wonder.“Good!” She yelled and immediately ate everything else, licking her plate clean under Steve’s stunned surprise, the boy eyebrows comically shooting up to his hairline.Both of them dumped their plates in the sink, once they were done, and Steve stood there, unsure of what to do next.He was still a little tired – like that was new – from... well. From almost dying in the cold of November, now that he stopped to think about it, and he was also in a cabin that was practically falling apart around them, in the middle of nowhere. He didn’t have his car, he had no idea where in the wood he was, exactly, and he had a psychic little girl looking at him like he held the answers of the universe.“What do you want to do?” He turned to her, clueless as to what they should do, waiting to see if she had an idea.Steve was curious as to how her powers worked, and he wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t want to see her use them, but from what he remembered of the clusterfuck of last year, it had ended up with her killing people – they deserved it, Henderson had been clear – in the middle school gym? Or maybe in the hallways? Wait, that was the Demogor- Either way! She probably didn’t want to use them, to keep low profile, and Steve wasn’t going to be noisy about it. Her entire existence was a secret, if she was stuck here and unable to go out.Steve would have to talk with Hopper about keeping a child alone in a house all day with no friends and a TV.It was a very bad thing to do.It’s what his parent had done with him, and he really didn’t want that girl to feel lonely and isolated from everyone else for the rest of her life because of it.She had to stay here for ‘safety reasons’, sure, but was it necessary to keep her friends away?Then again, Henderson couldn’t keep his mouth shut half of the time, and Mike liked to bitch about pretty much everything, so maybe they wouldn’t keep the secret. Or they would try and let something slip one day on the phone or somewhere public, and then the Feds would be all over their asses again.“Maybe we could clean. This place looks like a dump.” He suggested offhandedly, eyes glancing around the cabin and cringing at the sight of so much trash just left... literally everywhere.“Clean?” Ellie repeated like she didn’t understand the word.“Yeah. Clean.” He nodded, holding a rag that was halfway through decomposition with wide eyes and a disgusted face. He let it splatter down on the floor, the wet ‘twack’ almost making him gag, Ellie scrunching her nose to mirror his disgust. “Yep. Definitely. I’m cleaning this place. Wanna help?”“Help.” She nodded firmly.She looked like she was on a mission to save the world. Steve thought it was funny and cute. She had very big, expressive eyes. They were dark and hurt, angry and sad, a bit like his, but they were also so much brighter than Steve’s own. Still holding on innocence and hope. That was good. She hadn’t been broken by the lab, and now that she knew there was more to life than... whatever the hell happened in that place, she looked ready to explore and jump around.“Alright then!” He exclaimed and raised his fist confidently. “Let’s do this.”It took them almost the entire day.Not that the cabin was big, but they couldn’t find the cleaning supplies after an hour of searching – they were tossed somewhere in a packed- and Steve meant, packed room. The boy almost fell and broke his neck when he jumped over boxes - and Ellie wanted to try and use her powers to clean - like to sweep and then mop the floor -, creating a mess of water and soap everywhere, Steve almost slipping and broking his arm, but they both burst out laughing at the cry of panic he let out. The older burnet showed the smaller one how to clean the windows even though they didn’t have any of the products he would usually use to get his house spotless. They managed to work with what they had.Cleaning supplies, Steve would have to tell Hopper about cleaning supplies.Seriously, how did that man even managed to live alone? How did he survive this long out in the wild of adulthood? At least he showered, right?He would have to bring things to the cabin so that Ellie could clean again, because for some obscure reason, she really, really, enjoyed this. Steve didn’t like to do chores, but it was a way for him to keep his hands and mind busy. Ellie just absolutely went mental once she understood how to throw the trash bags with her mind, basketball fashion. She didn’t miss one after Steve mimicked how to throw the ball in the hoop.Steve’s heart wasn’t as heavy as it had been. The sadness, the guilt, and the sense of being empty inside, lingered, but it wasn’t- It didn’t feel as if it was trying to make his chest cave in.
Steve wasn’t ‘happy’, he couldn’t even remember the feeling of being happy, but he felt a little less lonely, a little light. There was some weight that had been lifted off his shoulders as he smiled at the girl’s weird dancing all over the cabin, as he laughed when she tripped and yelped while falling face first on the couch.It was... very fulfilling.To be helping out.To do something that would lift a weight on Hopper’s own shoulders. The man had looked exhausted, as exhausted as Steve – but for other, probably for less stupid reasons, because he was a functional adult with a stressful job and not a sleep deprived high school senior with a fear of the dark – was himself, and now his house wasn’t a dumpster.Even the air inside seemed less suffocating, but maybe that was because Steve had opened the windows.And Ellie was just very excited about doing normal things a child her age would do. Hopper had told them to stay inside, so Steve couldn’t get her to play outside, but they found other things to do. Somehow, hopper had had the time to buy nail polish – though Steve was pretty sure Mrs. Byers was the one that recommended the colors to the police officer – and Ellie begged him to help her do her fingers and toes. Steve wasn’t really... Well, it didn’t matter to him, those kind of girly things – he had stolen a few things from his mamma’s bathroom in the past, out of curiosity. It’s not like she would have notice since she always bought new things wherever she’d go ‘on a vacation’, wherever her husband went, since she wasn’t trusting him to keep it in his pants – didn’t bother him.Has he ever admitted it out loud?No.Of course not.He didn’t want to be labelled as a- as a... as gay.
A fag.
It’s not that he was feeling any particular hate towards those people, it’s just that... it made him... confused.He liked girls. He knew he did. He liked them, they looked like angels in his eyes, and Nancy had been his goddess, but he also...There was this... thing... twisting in his stomach, whenever he’d watch some guys, sometimes. One in particular. One that wouldn’t leave him the hell alone. One guy who seemed to be everywhere, all the time, right in his line of sight, even when Steve thought he wasn’t there.He was there.Always.It was disturbing.It made his brain panic, okay? He didn’t enjoy being toyed with, and when that guy would stare at him with his stupid, smug little shit-eating grin of his, Steve would lose his goddamn mind. He didn’t know how to deal with this. With the... tongue thing. He had managed to keep a straight, flat look, whenever Har- that asshole would rile him up.Steve wasn’t going to even consider the possibility of what he was starting to suspect.Nu-huh.Nope.Not in a million years.Besides, if he even started to imply that Billy Hargrove was gay, the bastard would bash his head in and rip his limbs off his body. Steve liked being in one piece, thank you very much.And that was impossible anyway because Hargrove had an even bigger body-count than Steve, as of now. Girls were just dying to have him in their beds, and Steve could breathe a little better whenever one of those girls managed to steal the blond’s attention away from Steve. Vanishing from his obsessed sight was never as easy as when he was busy shoving his tongue down some girl’s throat.Except the blond always looked up at him when he did that.Was it because he was taunting Steve? To show him who was 'King' now? To try and gauge a reaction from him? Did he think Steve would get jealous or something? Did Steve feel jealous? He couldn't- he didn't know. Was Hargorve doing all of this stupid shit just to make Steve watch as he took his place and kissed all the girls Steve had kissed, fucked all the 'bitches' Steve had fucked?
What a dick.
Steve hated it. He hated the challenge, he hated this entire situation. He didn't need a constant reminder tha he was trash now, that he would die in a ditch and nobody would give a single shit, okay? He didn't.He didn't...He didn't had nightmares about Hargrove's tongue deep in his own throat, no- Not at all. He didn't dream about the blond pinning him against the cold tiles of the shower room, after a hard, tiring practice-ENOUGH!He was supposed to like girls. He loved girls. He loved boobs, but- and that guy’s pecks were just… Jesus, they were very... prominent.... Almost like a girl’s- Shut up.Steve was confused. And a bit delirious.Maybe he should sleep more.If only he wasn’t having nightmares all the goddamn time-It felt exactly the same as when he’d stare at some girl’s ass, except it was a guy’s ass. In tight - stupidly tight - jeans, and with his shirt half open to show smooth skin and- STOP!Not the time.Steve had also moved from that place, that dark, confusing place where he enjoyed pretty things while knowing he shouldn’t. It didn’t feel wrong to take the time to style his hair, to take care of his skin, to choose an outfit that would just make him look great. That didn’t make him gay. It made him feel good, and that was something Steve was desperate to feel. Now, it was more about being stylish and hiding the trauma taking root so deep inside of him that he was basically a living corpse. Now, it didn’t give two shits about being called names.Certain names.Because certain names could get you killed out here.He was over all that teenage cruelty. He was already a social pariah anyway.But he couldn’t risk being seen as… that sort of person…It was exhausting.And terrifying.But Ellie made him forget all of this. She had no idea of the cruelty- well, she did know about human cruelty, but not the kind that came because you were attracted to... someone you shouldn’t.And Steve still liked girls, so he wasn’t gay, right?Maybe Steve felt great with her because she understood his loneliness, his anger, his fears of not being good enough. She had let a few words slide about how she couldn’t do good enough and Papa was disappointed. How he had put her in the Dark Room.If Steve ever saw ‘Papa’, he’d murder his ass, no questions asked.Painting the nails of a twelve-year-old who he basically saw as his siste- as a precious friend – Steve’s only real friend was a preadolescent psychic super-human that he had bonded with over the course of a few hours of cleaning… wasn’t that amazing? – wasn’t a big deal.It wasn’t a big deal either when he let her put nail polish on his own fingers.Ellie looked so excited, beaming at him like he was the one with powers, and the burnet boy hadn’t found the courage to refuse her. She didn’t try to put makeup on his face, thankfully. Steve wasn’t...After a simple PB and jam sandwich – El still ended up eating her freaking Eggos -, they watched her weird, chaotic soap operas, the teenager listening to the girl ramble in broken sentences about the characters she liked, and the ‘bad woman’ trying to steal the ‘beautiful woman’s fiancé’ or something like that, closing his eyes and resting his head. The cabin smelled like the nail polish, toxic but like, not in a bad way. It tickled at Steve’s nose, and he scrunched his face.As he watched the characters fight over some stolen jewel, Steve started to think that Ellie would love Disney movies, and that she’d probably want to try and play with her hair and with makeup and with clothes. Steve’s mamma’s things would be just the things she’d love to have, and Steve could bring the movies the next time he’d come over.Because there was no way he was letting Ellie live in here without coming to see her at least thrice a week. He could do his homework here, and maybe even sleep, since he had managed to, last night.After the nightmare and those whole... pool... thing.Yeah.That would be great.
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“You kids had fun?” Hopper asked before a frown of uncertainty darkened his features. “You didn’t tear the house down, right?”“We clean!” El yelled as she jumped on her feet, on the couch, almost falling all over Harrington, the both of them screaming when she stumbled, his hand shooting up to grab her waist and pull her down.“Don’t jump on the couch!” He stressed out while Hopper looked around the-Holy shit.It was clean.“You cleaned?” He said slowly, unable to beleive it.Two kids cleaning an entire house wihtout bailing on the job or complaining to him the second he set foot inside? Impossible.Steve shrugged. “We had nothing to do, and no offense but your place looked like a dumpster, Chief. And I didn’t want El to watch TV all day.” The boy twisted his body to look at him right in the eye. “You know it’s not healthy to only let her eat Eggos and watch TV all day? She could at least play around the cabin. It’s not like this place is in the middle of nowhere, right?”Jim narrowed his eyes at the sarcastic little shit.“I see you’re feeling much better.”“I wouldn’t say ‘better’, but I don’t feel like I’m dying, no.” Steve answered flatly, wheezing when El threw herself over him to smile at Hopper.“We eat eggs!”“We ate, Ellie. We ate.”“Ate! We ate eggs!”"Oh did you?"She nodded vigorously. "Mh-Hmm! Good!"“You managed to feed her something that she liked that weren't waffles?” Hopper chuckled, stunned, truly impressed by the feat as he sat down at the table.“She ate two for dinner.”
Of course she did.
The man hummed, the corner of his lips curling up a little.“I’m glad you haven’t corrupted El.” Harrington rolled his eyes at his gruff teasing, and Jim turned his attention back on his daugh- on the girl. “I hope you still did something else than turn her into a housekeeper.”The only answer he got from El was her raising her hands, and flexing her fingers like they were claws, next to her face. She was showing off the colorful nails she had probably asked Steve to do for her, watching with a raised eyebrow as she turned to the boy with an expectant gleam in her eyes. She was silently begging for him to show him something, and Steve lost that battle with a sigh, shaping his hands into claws to also show Hopper the nail polish on his fingernails, smiling when El giggled excitedly. Hopper smiled – really smiled – at their antics, happy that El was finally enjoying a ‘normal’ life and doing childish things that she deserved to do.El had managed to drag Steve’s attention back on the TV, beaming like the sun with that innocence only children could muster. She was now spread on one of the couches, feet kicking happily, the brunet boy flattened in the couch right next to her. They were both watching a cheesy soap-opera the girl had picked on TV, the one Hopper would never admit even if tortured that he enjoyed watching with his girl, though he didn’t understand anything about this ‘The Young and the Restless’ show.
Did Julia get pregnant from Victor, or Eric? And what about Nikki? Isn’t she the one dating Victor? But Victor slept with Julia, who is his ex-wife, who is now pregnant, and apparently, it’s from Eric - as in Eric’s baby -, but Eric doesn’t know that Julia gave birth to his daughter - but Victor does- Wait. It’s not his baby, how the fuck does he know that? But- Who the hell is Ashley again?
This entire thing was so goddamn confusing, Hopper had been following every twist and turn of this hellish show, and he was lost in the drama of it all.El enjoyed it, so he’d just endure the confusion.He let the kids watch the thing in peace, trying and failing at making something edible for them while he listened to El explaining in the less clear way possible what had happened five episodes before, and why Julia was so sad, and why Ashley was angry at Eric, Steve looking so lost he probably wasn’t paying attention to the show anymore. Jim smiled a little, his heart definitely not feeling warm at the sight of his kids- the kids chatting and the three of them sharing a family moment that he’d thought he’d never have again after Sara’s death.He still didn’t miss the twin smirk of mockery between the two little brats when the pan he had been holding broke, the handle still in his hands as it fell on the floor with a clatter loud enough to wake up the dead. He cursed like a sailor, the kids snickering and pretending that they were still watching this stupid show that was toasting their braincells and actually not waiting for Hopper to give up on making dinner.He ended up grumbling his way out of the door, promising to come back with take out, sighing and rolling his eyes as the laughers of his children echoed in his back all the way to his car.Brats.Jim couldn’t say he didn’t drive away with a smile tugging at his lips.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The morning was lazy, rainy. The air was cold but also humid, thick and cloying. It stuck to your very bones, and even sitting next to the fire wasn’t enough to chase the vicious feeling away.Hopper was walking around the cabin, Steve and Ellie sitting on a mattress next to the wood-burner, Steve letting the little girl play with his hair. He had decided to give up on combing them, he didn’t have the time to go back to his house to do it anyway, and the reality was that it felt great to have someone massage his head. Ellie seemed to be having the time of her life.Hopper was basically haunting the kitchen, a ghost walking aimlessly around under his kids’ mocking gazes, Ellie giggling and Steve smiling when the Chief bumped into the corner of the table. He cursed under his breath before getting himself a mug full of coffee, no sugar no milk, the bitter taste mixed with the rich aroma managing to peel his eyes open.He brough one for Steve after the kids migrated to the table to eat the Eggos that Hopper had toasted for them. The burnet boy dumped a generous amount of sugar in his mug, stirring the coffee in a way that got the spoon to bump annoyingly loudly on the sides of the mug. His legs were spread under the table, Ellie’s feet resting over his shins, both of them staring emptily at the lazy swirling of the fuming liquid.Steve grunted when she kicked his legs, leveling him with a pouty frown as she eyes the coffee hungrily.“Sorry Ellie, but coffee’s not for kids.” He smiled and she huffed discontentedly, shoving a too big mouthful of waffle in her mouth, the maple sirop dripping down her chin, causing Steve to cringe in his mug when he took a sip.“I want coffee.” She complained around squirrel-like cheeks.She wasn’t even done with her whining that a mug was dumped in front of her by a very gruff-looking Hopper, filled with brown liquid, though it wasn’t hot at all. Her eyes rounded excitedly, like it was Christmas morning and she had just received the best present ever. The little girl raised her head to stare questioningly at the man, who stared back flatly, slurping his coffee in a way that got Steve to close his eyes, annoyed. A phantom smirk floated at the corners of Hopper’s lips, and Steve rolled his eyes, knowing the man had done it just to get a reaction out of him.“Coffee?” Ellie pointed to her mug with confusion, earning her an amused look from the Chief.“It’s chocolate milk, El.” He answered, still a bit gruff thanks to the fact that he still hadn’t had his coffee yet.“It’s even better than coffee, and there’s already a lot of sugar in it.” Steve added as he dragged the sugar away from the girl’s hands, to her outmost disappointment.
She probably had wanted to imitate the grown-ups, to do like Steve.“Better?” She repeated slowly, likely wanting to be certain that Steve wasn’t lying to her.“Yeah, kid. It’s better.” Hopper ruffled her hair, making her squawk indignantly at him, her hands on the top of her head as she pouted at the chuckling policeman.
“Come on, kid. I need to speak with Steve, so eat up.”The dread curled like a snake inside of him, and Steve pushed his half-finished plate aside, bile in his throat. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to have the conversation about... what had happened. It would mean it happened. It would mean it was real, and that he needed help.Steve didn’t want to be a burden, he didn’t want people to think he was weak, that he needed help. He had taken care of himself since he was tall enough to drag a stool around the kitchen and microwave his meals.He could deal with his problems alone.He could.
No, you can’t.
Shut up.
Ellie finished fast enough, with the way she was basically gulping down everything in front of her.She really did like Eggos.And now Hopper was taking her place at the table while she went to jump on the couch.Steve fought hard to stay still. He fought hard to not fidget on the chair, to keep his eyes unflinching as Hopper stared at him, lips resting over his entangled fingers. Ellie was sitting and watching them with curiosity, eyes jumping between them. She probably didn’t understand why the room was so tensed. She probably didn’t understand why Steve was so uncomfortable, slouching on his chair, and she probably didn’t understand why the Chief looked so sinister right now.“Harrington.”Steve’s gaze snap from his lap up to the Chief. Looks like he had finally avoided him, then. He hadn’t even realised.“Do you want to tell me what happened?”No.“I-I... I don’t see why we should...” He stammered, eyes frantically avoiding his piercing gaze.“Look kid.” Hopper sighed, disappointed and Steve felt like absolute garbage to make someone else feel so tired of him. “You can’t do this again. You can’t hide yourself like that. Why- Why didn’t you try to reach out? Why didn’t you talk with someone? You know we would have helped, right?”Steve’s eyes trembled, jumping from Hopper’s face to the table, to the wall and then back to Hopper.“I just... I’m not... part of the group, you know? I’m just-“
Nancy’s boyfriend.
Not anymore.
There was this vicious voice in his head, always murmuring at his ears, prodding at his insecurities, creating scenarios that got him to go insane. Steve couldn’t fight that voice.
It was his voice.“I’m not part of the group. I’m not- I just didn’t think it mattered. I mean, I’m not anyone’s friend. I’m the random dude who happened to be at the right place, at the wrong time. And wh-why does it matter? I’m fine-““Cut the bullshit, Harrington.” Hopper interrupted gruffly, giving him a dirty look, and Steve did his best to not let the word ‘bullshit’ affect him. “You’re not fine. You almost died, goddammit! Do you realise what I’m saying?! You. Almost. Died!”Ellie flinched at the booming of his voice. So did Steve.The words echoed in Steve, shaking him to the core. The world was spinning, the sound buzzing numbly in his skin, and Steve was lipping again. He could see the pool again. He could feel the cold, the horrible freezing cold slowly slipping inside of his bones. He could hear her screams, he knew he could. She was begging for help, begging for life, and Steve wasn’t there to help-“Steve.”The boy jumped, Ellie’s hand on his arm. Her eyes were full of concern, and Steve blinked away the tears of fear and guilt choking him.“It’s okay, Supergirl. I’m okay...”“You’re hurt.”“She’s right, kid.” The man put a hand on the girl’s shoulder, nodding. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have lost my temper." the Cheif glanced apologetically at his daughter before bringing his focus back on the boy. "You’re hurt, and I know you’ve tried to hide it. I do the same. I understand, okay? I do. But it’s not... healthy. It’s not something that will do you any good. Trust me, if you keep the fear and the anger inside and you never let it out, you never talk about it, it’s going to fester, and it’s going to destroy you.”Steve swallowed, throat dry and gritty, like sandpaper. He didn’t know how to explain. How o explain that it didn’t matter. That- that he didn’t matter. Nobody cared if Steve was hurt. Nobody cared if he was left behind, forgotten, abandoned.Everybody did it.It didn’t matter if he tried to speak up about his trauma and all that shit that kept him awake in the dead of the night. Nobody wanted to know. Steve didn’t see why he should open himself to the world when the world always shut itself from him. It wasn’t that bad anyway. Sure, he couldn’t sleep at all, but it was better than the first months after Barb’s death.Now he could sleep a minimum of three or four hours without waking up screaming and begging to let her go- take me instead please!-“Kid, you’re still with me?”He blinked, Hopper right in front of him, crouching, a hand on his shoulder, eyes searching. Steve sucked on a breath, the bubble in his throat making him panic a little. The ice was sharp and cutting inside of his heart, freezing his blood. It was like it was slowly squeezing his lungs, his throat constricting violently, and he couldn’t breathe again.
He couldn’t breathe!
“Steve- Steve! Calm down. You’re okay, it’s okay.” Hopper’s voice was muffled through the haze in Steve’s head, not calm at all because he looked borderline as panicked as Steve himself felt right now, but he was trying, and Steve found himself following the way Hopper was breathing, chest heaving dramatically to get the boy’s breath under control. “Okay... It’s okay, Steve.”“I’m sorry.” He immediately responded, more like a robot on autopilot than an actual human being right now, staring emptily ahead.“Hey- No, no.” Hopper made him look at his eyes, a hand on his face, and Steve should feel weirded out – because that was the Chief of police, the very same guy who hated him not only because Steve was just easy to hate, but also because his father, the rare times he had bothered to come home, always complained about ‘that goddamn policeman’ – but all he could think about was how warm his hands were.Hopper’s hands were grounding, keeping him from floating away.It was... nice.It felt nice to have someone touch him so softly, so carefully.It had been since... forever.His own parents didn’t even bother anymore to pretend he was loved, Nancy hadn’t really been a very tactile person, and Steve had found out log ago that he need to touch and be touched by the people he considered his. Hopper wasn’t anything to him, only the guy who always came barging whenever he’d throw a party, all gruff and exasperated. In some pathetic, fucked-up way, Steve knew Hopper was the only adult who cared. Not for his well-being or anything, not before last year at least, but Hopper was the only one who hadn’t gave up on him. He was always at his house, breaking his parties, scolding him about underage drinking and unprotected sex, like Hopper himself hadn’t done any of this, and Steve at some point threw his parties just to see if Hopper would come and try to discipline him or not.Hopper had never failed to remind him how annoying he thought he was. Steve just found it funny. And then it was reassuring. Reassuring to know that he wasn’t completely abandoned. It was, as stupid as it felt, nice to know at least someone made sure he was okay.“Listen to me, Steve Harrington.” Hopper was more serious than ever, keeping his hand firmly anchored at the junction of Steve’s jaw and neck. “Your reactions to what happened are normal. They are natural. We saw some shit, and we fought monsters. You killed a demon, kid. And a friend died. It wasn’t your fault, okay? Barbara didn’t die because of you. It was the government’s fault. It was their fault. Not yours. There’s nothing you could have done to help her, it would have ended up with two dead kids instead of one.”“It should have been me. I should have been the one to be taken, not her. Not Barb. She didn’t deserve this.”“And you do?” Hopper asked, a knowing look floating in his eyes.Steve flinched. Did he deserve to suffer? Did he deserve this?
Yes.
Of course.
Why wouldn’t he deserve this?He had been pure shit with everyone ever since he had understood that he liked being the center of everyone’s attention. Ever since he had managed to monopolize people’s focus on him, he had craved it even more. He hated being ignore, he hated being left behind. Steve Harrington hated to be forgotten. So he had built himself an empire where he was King, because there was nothing he hated more than being alone. Why care about what people felt when t made him feel great? Why care for their pain an their tears when Steve had buried his own so deep he could barely feel anything anymore?Drowning was a silent thing, and he was dragging everyone down with him if it meant that he could break the surface and breathe.Being King meant he could act as he wanted and say what he wanted, and nobody would or could stop him.They loved him either way. They talked about him either way. They worshipped him either way, so why care?
You’re a monster, Steve Harrington. A vile creature, no better than the one you killed. She’s angry, and she’s waiting. Why don’t you juts go and see what she wants to do to you, hmm? Barb is waiting. Death is waiting.
Steve sucked on a breath, blinking furiously to chase the tears, but they gathered in his eyes, and he knew he was going to break. He inhaled shakily, lips trembling.“I... I don’t deserve to live. She died, and I didn’t- I pretended it didn’t matter. I wanted to forget, I wanted to be normal, and Nancy said I was- I was... She said I didn’t care, and she was right. I’m bullshit, everything is bullshit, I’m a horrible boyfriend. Her best friend died, and I acted like an asshole about it. I ignored her pain, I- Just by wanting to move on. Nancy was right. I am bullshit.” He murmured painfully, lowering his face to hide the shame and the guilt from both of them.Steve was a coward. He couldn’t face his problems. He always ran from them. Like he had run from the house, like he had run from the reality of Barb’s death for the last year. Steve Harrington was a useless coward. That was why he didn’t deserve love.He was pure shit.“Wheeler said that, huh?” Hopper’s voice was dark, as dark as his scowl, and he let out an irritated sigh.The brunet avoided his gaze. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about how much Nancy had hurt him.“You’re not bullshit.” Ellie took his hand in hers, big eyes wide and round and so sad.He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t watch her be sad for him like that. She had had a horrible life, treated like less than a slave – like a lab rat for Christ’s sake – all her short life, and here she was, being sad over Steve Harrington’s little break down because he couldn’t handle his problems like a man.Steve’s face crumpled and he felt a single tear slide down his cheek, and he finally let go, his walls crumbling.He cried.He cried like he never had in his life.He cried like he was ten again, like his parents were gone, like his father towered over him after a single moment of violence against his son. He cried like the night of the monster killing, like his hands were still stuck, gripping the spiked bat like a lifeline because one moment of distraction would mean his death. He cried and cried and cried, Ellie clutching his hand, tears spilling in sympathy, probably feeling his own agony through her weird, amazing abilities. She was plastered on his side, trying to suck away his pain with a single hug, Hopper’s hand warm and grounding and safe, the man having gathered both his kids in his arms as if to protect them from the world.“You’re not bullshit.” She whispered again between two hiccups of sadness, squeezing the life out of him, insisting on the words, like Steve would have them scared into his brain.“Thanks, Ellie.” He mumbled against Hopper’s shirt, smiling weakly.“You’re a good guy, kid. Know that you’re a good guy. You’re not a bad person because you tried to stay focused on you. You are not a bad person because you have nightmares, or because you can’t deal with all your problems yourself. Nobody can deal with everything alone. It weights on us and breaks us at some point. And it’s okay if you got to the end of your rope, but it’s not okay to keep it hidden. You know that what you did was dangerous, and I won’t try to explain the consequences that could have happened if you had stayed outside a few more minutes.”Hopper pushed him away a little, hands on his shoulders, his usual gruff frown turning soft.“Stop torturing yourself with this, Steve. It’s not your fault, and you don’t deserve to die. You’re not a bad kid either.”Hopper was saying it like he wanted the words to stick to him, like he wanted Steve to repeat them in his head. The teenager nodded, rubbing the tears away.Things weren’t okay. Steve wasn’t okay, but it didn’t matter. He had people who cared – two, but it was more than he had ever known before – about him, a little girl looking up at him like a brother, a man who could be a father to him, if Hopper didn’t get bored of him. Things weren’t okay, but they could be better, one day.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------People stared. They always did.A year ago, it was because they looked up to him. Worshiped him like a god among common mortals. A few months ago, it was because he was a fallen King who had no more power over the peasants of Hawkins. Now, it was because King Steve 'The Hair' Harrington was wearing nail polish.The King himself. Wearing nail polish.Eddie had to wrap his head around that for a moment, trying to reconciliate what he knew about that preppy jerk and what he was seeing right now.Steve Harrington with his nails painted send Hawkins High into a blizzard of insanity.He was the center of attention again, like before, like when he was King.The obsession regarding Steve Harrington had always been annoying. Eddie thought they were all fucking dumb to lick his shoes and crawl on the dirt just to grab the Ice King’s attention, his smile, his approval. One smile from that bastard and you were one of the popular ones. It was like you were graced with holy light when Steve Harrington bothered to share the halo of his fame with you. You could brag about it and people would listen, to know how it was, to know how it felt like. They were starving beasts fighting for the piece of meat that was Harrington’s royal ass.The metalhead had always avoided him.Harrington had never really been cruel, just unbothered, uncaring. His words could destroy or make you, and you had to watch yourself to never be on his bad side. Nobody had ever really seen Steve do it, though. It was always Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins doing the bullying. Steve simply didn’t care. He was distant, detached. He simply watched, cool and emotionless, while his goons picked on the weak and made fun of nerds. Steve had lost his cool only once, and nobody had seen it happen apart from his circle of douchebags.And then His Majesty had fallen in love. With Nancy Wheeler, Miss Know-It-All herself.Eddie had been flabbergasted. Because Steve had suddenly been acting like he was a real teenager, dumb smiles and sweet affection shown in the hallways for his girlfriend, and he had changed his old ways of not caring to call out on Hagan and Perkins bullshit, shutting them down whenever they would do something mean. When the King abandoned his vassals, after his and Byers’ fight, the entire school had been speechless.Only for an hour before the whispers and the nasty comments surged back into the picture.Wheeler’s rejection of the King had also been a very public affair, and the focus on Harrington had barely been shifted away by the arrival of the other, more international asshole that had arrived in town like a hurricane, sweeping everyone off their feet and dumping his own ass on the royal throne of Hawkins High instead of Steve Harrington.Eddie didn’t know which was worst: Hargrove or Harrington.At least Hargrove had good music taste.But Harrington was wearing nail polish. And he was also a very faithful weed buyer, and he paid great for Eddie’s prime stuff, so the metalhead couldn’t really antagonise him when King Steve was the reason he had been able to afford his guitar.So, Eddie stared too, so dumbstruck he didn’t know how he should be feeling. He didn’t like Harrington, he was a douchebag at the end of the day, verbal jabs and horrible insinuations dominating his entire persona. Exactly what had earned him a beating from Jonathan Byers last time.But Steve hadn’t done anything for a year after that, suddenly focused on his studies and ignoring everyone. He was still drawing attention – he was still Steve fucking Harrington – on himself just by existing, but he never acted on it. Not anymore. It was like he had gotten bored, or he just didn’t see the appeal of it like he used to.
Eddie was still selling him weed, like right now.Harrington was sitting in front of him, looking as emotionless as he always did whenever they would deal. The brunet side-glanced at him, at his hair, at his clothes that had earned him the title of ‘Devil’s spawn’ to be screamed at him by the religious mothers all over town whenever his van would appear in the suburbs.“You’re going to stare for long? I can find weed elsewhere, you know?” The preppy asshole drawled, lazy.“Yeah, but you won’t get the quality for a good price, Big Boy.” The metalhead leaned back, arms opened dramatically as he showed his stuff spread on the table between them.Steve raised a bored eyebrow to his hairline, stunned confusion dancing in his eyes, cheek resting on his hand, and his gaze seemed to simply freeze Eddie, like he was trying to make him shut up.“I’m wearing nail polish. Outrageous.” He rolled his eyes, exasperated sigh huffed through the words.“Relax man.” Eddie raised his hands in peace, shrugging. “I’m not judging, I think it’s totally cool. I guess I wasn’t expecting King Steve to have hos royal fingers painted, that’s all. Don’t you have a reputation or something?”“Try to escape the attack of a kid who weaponised puppy eyes and tell me how that went, yeah?” Steve hissed passive-aggressively, showing way too many teeth for his smile to be anything near friendly.It looked like he was going to jump and rip his throat out. Eddie didn’t want to admit it, but Steve Harrington could be terrifying when he got angry. It was so cold it burned, biting at his skin like the frost of January. Eddie shifted a little, clasping his hands together.“King Steve, babysitting! Now that’s something I wouldn’t have seen coming.” He laughed, eyes wide.Steve sighed deeply, deflating, anger extinguishing just like that. Like it had never been there. “I’m no longer King, remember? I lost the title ages ago, and I wasn’t really babysitting. She was more like a... a cousin... I was keeping an eye on.”Weird that he hesitated on this, but then again, rich people were weird, so Eddie didn’t dwell on it.“I didn’t know you had family in town.” He said with pursed lips and Harrington narrowed his eyes.Eddie was walking on thin fucking ice.“She was visiting, and her parents went to see mine in Chicago. Sorry- What are you trying to do?” Steve turned his head completely to face him, face stoic but also very hostile in a neutral kind of way.Eddie blinked. “What?”“I’m just finding it weird that you want to ask me questions, all of a sudden. We never talked outside of this business, and I don’t see why you’re so curious about, that’s all.”Steve was right. Eddie had never bothered to even engage in any kind of conversation, but now Steve was interesting for Eddie. It was simply out of curiosity.“It’s not everyday that you see a popular guy wear nail polish. Well- Nikky Sixx does, but he’s a rock star, so he can do what he wants. You just look like the traditional preppy, perfect son from the rich family, Harrington. That’s all.” He tried to explain, acting innocent under the narrowed glare of the other burnet.“Yeah well stop asking. We’re not friends. I just want the weed, freak.” Steve said curtly, slamming twenty bucks on the table while glaring daggers at him, and Eddie blinked, speechless.
“Okay man... Whatever you want...” He trailed off, and Harrington seemed to be satisfied as the metalhead gave him what amount of dope it was worth.“So?” He tilted his head, playful smirk hanging on his lips. “You really gave up on your crown then? Not gonna try to hold on to your throne since Hargrove’s here now to be our new asshole monarch?”His voice was dripping with sarcasm, and Harrington didn’t even grace him with a reaction. He narrowed his eyes imperceptibly, mouth twisting into the ghost of a sneer, but aside from this, Eddie saw nothing. It was impressive, how much Harrington could still act like his ‘Ice King’ persona, and yet not be a jerk about it. The metalhead could feel the chill down to his bones as Steve Harrington stared at him. Eddie was only slightly taller, but he felt small under that icy gaze.That emotionless, icy gaze that was like the freezing, violent blizzard he had thrown at his friends during their last Dungeons and Dragons campaign. It had been fun to watch them suffer.
It was less fun when he was the one receiving that freezing glare.“I told you I didn’t want to talk about anything with you. Did you smoke so much dope that you got short memory problems?”“Well, sometimes I forget where the bathroom is.” He grinned like a maniac.“Jesus Christ...” Steve muttered as he put his hands on his hip and shot the metalhead a wide, exasperated, and annoyed look. “Very interesting, Munson. See you around, I guess.” He gritted out quickly and turned on his heals, soon disappearing between the trees while Eddie smirked.Harrington was a douchebag, but he was so easily riled up.Eddie would have never imagined, since the Ice King of Hawkins High used to keep his emotions on such a tight leash.It was refreshing to know that he was also human.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ives.Terry.Terry Ives.El frowned at the picture in front of her eyes. She studied every blurry detail of the woman.She looked sad. Very sad. Like El, sometimes, when she thought about what Papa did to her. When she thought about how much Papa hurt her. The woman looked tired, too. Her features were drawn, almost sick.Like Steve.Sad like Steve, tired like Steve.El had a small smile tugging at her lips when she thought about him. He had spent a lot of days with her, on the ‘weekend’ as he had called it, bringing her movies with talking animals and pretty princesses and bright colors. El had cried when Bambi’s mother died. Steve had hugged her, and she had sunk into his warmth.Steve Harrington was very soft, and very gentle. He was a lot more sensible than what she had first believed. Mike used to complain about Steve, but that was because he had been dating Mike’s sister.El didn’t like Mike’s sister very much. She had pretty hair, but she had hurt Steve. He was always very sad when he was talking about her, and Eleven didn’t like seeing her brother sad. It was always a little bit painful when Steve thought about Mike’s sister. She didn’t deserve Steve, El had decided that very quickly, and she had felt the way Hopper thought that Nancy Wheeler had acted very bad with El’s brother. Steve wasn’t a bad man, he wasn’t bullshit, and it hadn’t been his fault if Barbara had been killed.It had been Eleven’s fault.And she understood the guilt in Steve’s heart. It was the same in her own. But Steve wasn’t supposed to feel guilty. El didn’t really understand why he was full of shame and remorse, but Hopper had explained to her that people were complex, that things were complicated and that Steve felt responsible because he had acted without thinking about Barb. He had left her by the pool, but that didn’t mean he was supposed to know that one of those monsters were lurking in the woods near his house.El didn’t understand Steve’s way of seeing things, but she could understand his emotions. He was her brother now, and she was his sister. They should be able to understand each other.And he had gave her a new name.
Ellie.
She liked it a lot.Eleven didn’t understand why he hated himself as much as he did. She could feel it sometimes when he was getting lost in his head. The dark, slimy feeling of self-hatred and the blue-grey sadness coloring his soul. She always tried to bring his attention back on her, so that the blue-grey and the darkness would vanish quickly for a tamed sunny feeling in his heart. It wasn’t bright and happy, like Dustin, like Mike, but it was better than that oily hatred clinging to Steve. It was like a snake would slide all over her arms, latching to her skin like a leech.Eleven turned the page of the articles about this Terry Ives that was... familiar. She knew her. She was sure she knew her, somewhere deep in her heart, she knew Terry Ives.“Jane.”Jane.
Jane.
Jane.
Jane.
El felt something tugging at her heart. It was like her chest was constricting, pained. She glanced at the other page and frowned at the little piled up photos on the side of the clipboard. Her fingers brushed to folded paper and then dragged the picture underneath it.“Papa.”A shiver of cold dread rattled her very bones at the mention of his name. El would always be scared of Papa. He had been a bad man with her, he had been a monster.Did Papa know this woman? Who was she? Was she... her...?Eleven’s eyes snapped to the television, then to the portative radio on the shelf.She was going to find this Terry Ives.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Three to the right, four to the left. Rainbow.”El walked slowly around the woman in her rocking chair, studying the dishevelled hair, the worn-out clothes. The water under her feet lapped at her toes, the Void as pitch black as ever, only illuminated by a dimmed glow casted over the woman.“Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. Three to the right, four to the left.”She was mumbling the same thing, over and over, and El’s heart stopped when she opened her eyes and looked at her. There was a moment of stillness, like time had stopped too, where the woman seemed to see her. Her eyes trembled slightly, just enough for El to realise that she was feeling her.The water under her feet split, opened, and it was like she was standing over a hole suddenly, a wave thundering-rising-crashing on her, her emotions creating a tornado of darkness and light and water-“Mama?” Everything disappeared, the expanse of water back to normal, the woman – Eleven’s mother- Jane’s Mama – raising her finger as to reach for her daughter at the same time that El took a step closer to her.She vanished into smoke the moment she touched her.“Mama!” She cried out, screamed and begged, trashing for her Mama to stay.
NO! COME BACK! MAMA PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME! MAMA!
The little girl sank to her knee, the water soaking her clothes as she broke down into tears and screams.“Mama!” She screamed in the cabin, desperate, lost and afraid.Alone.“Mama!” She shrieked and the walls of the cabin shook with the violence of her pain.“Ellie?! Ellie, what happened?! Are you okay?”El ripped her blindfold off her eyes, meeting Steve’s big, terrified eyes, hiccupping once, and she cracked. She couldn’t hold it in anymore.She took refuge inside of her brother’s arms, who didn’t even hesitate to pull her close, and she clawed at his shirt, sobbing-crying-screaming, begging for her Mama to come back, for the pain to leave her alone. Steve didn’t care if she spread snot and tears and blood on him, simply hugging her tightly when she buried herself into his warmth.
Don’t leave me...
“Steve.” She whimpered, trying to climb inside his chest to escape the repetitive stabbing in her heart. “Steve.” She couldn’t breathe properly, trying and failing to take slow breaths, shuddering because she was cold.So cold. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt-“I’m here, Ellie. I’m here.” He shushed gently, robbing circles into her back, cheek pressed on her curls. “I’m here. You’re safe, Supergirl, you’re safe.”She let his voice lull her back to calm, her sobs diminishing into quiet hiccups soon, and Steve stayed there all the way, warm and safe.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The was a nightmare.Steve couldn’t even describe just how stupid and dangerous and irresponsible this was.Ellie wanted to go see her mom.But Steve was pretty sure she was dead. Hopper had said so.But Steve had the proof that she might still be alive under his eyes, piles of documents from Hawkins Lab spread all over the floor of the cabin, boxes piled up everywhere around them. Ellie was staring at him with a stubborn twist to her mouth that promised nothing good.Steve sighed.“Look, Ellie... I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said, holding on to her to stop her form potentially running out the front door, heart tightening at the look of betrayal on her small face. “This is not a wise thing to do, and Hopper said-““Hopper lies.” She scowled, eyes darkening dangerously, and Steve got a flash of snapped necks and bleeding bodies on the Middle school hallways. Would El-?“Now that’s a little harsh. He didn’t lie-““NO!” The girl screamed on top of her lungs, making his eardrums bleed while he winced, struggling under the iron grip Steve had on her should and arm. “Let me GO!”The cabin’s windows rattled in their frames at her outburst, and Steve got really scared.“Ellie, please.” He begged her, trying to sooth her, to hold her still so that she would look at him in the eye, but she wouldn’t stop moving. “Listen to me, Ellie, come on!”“NO! FRIENDS DON’T LIE!” Her voice boomed, and this time, Steve went flying, crashing violently against the wall with enough strength to suck the air out of him.His body was immediately released from the invisible hold he was trapped in, sliding down the wall and crumpling on the floor like a lifeless puppet. He wheezed in pain, rib cage choking his lungs, tears in his eyes. God, it hurt like a bitch. Super-powered girls were so fucking exhausting to deal with sometimes...“Fuck...” He rasped a cruse out loud on accident, and he felt Ellie drop on the ground next to him, trembling hands hovering over his face.“Steve-“ Her voice wobbled, shame and guilt and sadness and pain coloring every syllable, and then she looked down on her hands with horror. Steve sprung up to grab her hands softly, protective, reassuring.“Hey, it’s okay, kiddo.” He smiled, wincing because his back hurt like hell, a column of fire roaring up his spine. “See? No blood, no wound. I’m okay.”“I’m sorry...” She whimpered, lowering her gaze, ashamed. “I- I hurt you.”“It was an accident, Ellie.” He sighed. “But you see what happened when we let our anger, our hate and our pain take over. It makes us do things we wouldn’t do normally.” Guilt layered his voice as he remembered his own past failures, his own past actions. He had been horrible, to ignore the pain of others, to be the cause of it.He slowly, grimacing because of the ache in his body, very slowly rearranged them so that she was curled on his lap, secure in his arms, and she nuzzled into him like a cat. She practically glued herself to him. Steve rubbed her arms soothingly, sighing again as his head ‘thunked’ when he rested it back on the wall.“I know how you feel, Ellie. I know. I know it’s a lot, and that it can be overwhelming sometimes.”“Over- overwhelm...?”“It becomes too much.” He said back without missing a beat, keeping his palm wide open as Ellie traced indistinct patterns on his fingers. “What I mean is this: I understand why you feel angry. Hopper hid things from you, but you know he did it to protect you, right? From those bad men?”“Friends don’t lie.” She mumbled, grumbling, in his shirt, causing him to chuckle weakly.“No, they don’t, but parents do sometimes. To protect their children.”Parents lied a lot. Steve’s parents lied to him all the time. When they said they would be back home soon. When they said they would call him more often. When they said they loved each other.
When they claimed to love him.Parents lied; it was a part of being a parent. Sometimes it was to protect, sometimes it was to avoid situations they didn’t know how to deal with. Parents were perfect. They were human, after all.
She pushed herself a little from him to level him with an impressive frown.“Papa lied to me. He hurt me. Papa is not a good man.”Steve sucked on a breath, eyes widening and trembling. Ellie rarely mentioned her time in the lab, and Steve could see the pain in her eyes whenever it was brought up. For her to talk about it now must mean that things were serious.“Papa hid Mama from me. He lied to me. Hopper lied to me too. Mama is alive. I need to find Mama.”Ellie had that stubborn set to her jaw that Steve didn’t enjoy, because it was Hopper’s kind of stubbornness, and a bit of Mrs. Byers too, and that meant Steve would never win against her on this.
Jesus fucking Christ, things were always so complicated...“Alright kid.” He sighed deeply, rubbing his neck tiredly. “Go pack a bag, I’ll drive you.”She beamed like the sun after months of gloomy winter days, and it did little to soothe the sense of betrayal towards Hopper that was gripping-ripping-tightening at Steve’s chest. Ellie took exactly twelve seconds to pack her things in a bag and they were both in the car, gone to wherever El’s mother was.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Steve turned at the leaf-covered entrance, the sound of his tires crushing the dead vegetation parking his car in the driveway of a small, run down house. There were a lot of junk just laying around haphazardly, and Steve mourned the overall ruin that was this yard.His mother would never approve. She would look at this travesty with disdain and then order someone to just raze everything to the ground to build a goddamn garden or something. Steve had no idea what his mamma enjoyed in life, apart from vino and designer clothes. And shoes. Maria ‘Amalfitano’ Harrington loved shoes.Her Italian blood was speaking on this. Their country even looked like one, so clearly there was a link there. Steve thought he was hilarious.They both climbed up the stairs, and Steve shivered in the cold wind of November.Her sister hesitantly glanced at him over her shoulder, and he nodded encouragingly, smiling softly.She knocked loudly.No answer.Steve raised an eyebrow at the frustrated huff that the girl released and bit his lips together at the way she seemed to have no patience left for anything.“Go away! I’m not interested!”Ellie immediately answered by banging her fist annoyingly on the glass, Steve letting her vent her emotions while he watched, casually leaning against the pilar next to the steps up the porch. With the way he was placed, the woman who opened the door just enough to look outside didn’t saw him at all, focusing only on the small child standing at the door.“Look, I don’t want your Thin Mints, all right, kid?”“Thin Mints?” Ellie repeated, confusion clear in her voice, and Steve frowned because he didn’t understand either where that came form.“Or your religious mumbo jumbo. Whatever you’re selling, I ain’t buying, okay?”She slammed the door right in Ellie’s face, and Steve could picture the deadly frown, the murderous glare, on his little sister’s face. He winced a little, because Ellie could very much break the door – or the house – if she wanted to. She chose to simply unlock the door instead, and Steve popped his head in the side to look inside as it creaked opened, smiling charmingly at the terrified-looking woman.“Hi.” He greeted her charmingly, King Steve person taking over while Ellie must have looked downright murderous. “Is this Terry Ives’ house?”The woman opened her mouth, stammered, speechless and afraid of the two clearly weird kids at her doorstep. Ellie didn’t let her any room to reply, taking a firm, threatening step inside the house.“I want to see Mama.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A random game show was playing on the TV, right in front of which a woman was rocking in her chair. The small house was a stack of a lot of decorative things El couldn’t name hanging on wall, resting over furniture inside orange, yellow, pink and green walls. It looked like Mike’s house, but El thought that Mike’s house was a little... warmer than this one.There was more... life... inside of Mike’s home.Mama was in her chair, staring emptily ahead. El felt her heart break all over again, and she walked inside the living room.“Mama?”“Breath. Sunflower. Rainbow. Three to the right. Four to the left.”Mama didn’t hear her. She stared straight into the TV, dazingly watching the gameshow that was being aired. El felt her heart squeeze painfully inside of her chest. She turned an uncertain look at Steve, who was leaning against the doorframe. His arms were crossed over his chest, hair swaying a little when he tilted his head inquisitively at her.“You okay?” He asked, soft and eyes open.He was worried for her. El felt the familiar warmth of Steve’s love and concern for her spread in her chest. He really did consider her his little sister. It felt nice. To have a big brother.
She nodded, and he sighed, nodding too. He sniffed sharply, and then turned silent, waiting next to the unsure-looking woman.“Mama, can you hear me?” She asked, wishing for Mama to react and realize that her daughter was here. That she was back.“Four-fifty. Breathe.”El lowered herself to her Mama’s eyes level, but she wasn’t looking at her. She couldn’t see her. Mama was lost to something El couldn’t fight, couldn’t see, even with her powers. Mama felt empty, empty like her eyes, empty like Steve’s chest sometimes. Mama couldn’t see her.“Mama, it’s me... “
It’s me, Mama. Your baby... Your...
“...Jane.” She finished as she looked hopefully at her mother, voice shaking a little.Mama’s hand was warm, despite everything. It felt warm. Alive.“I’m here now.”Mama turned her head, blinking, and looked at her. Eleven’s hopes rose a little more. Mama was staring right at her face. Could she see her?“Breathe, Sunflower. Rainbow. Four-fifty.”Everything in El crumbled to ruins all over again, the pain of not having her Mama recognise her, of having her Mama’s mind so lost and gone, it was too much. It hurt too much. She was alone, so afraid. El whipped around and leaped into Steve’s arms, the boy barely managing to stay upright, stumbling back a little with a grunt when he caught her. She buried her tears in his shirt, arms like a chokehold on his waist while he rubbed circles into her back, a hand on her hair and brushing the curls through his fingers.“Mama… She’s- She can’t see me.” The little girl hiccupped between two wet sniffles.“I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m so sorry…” He murmured, mourning for her distress, for the loss.No. This couldn’t be. Mama couldn’t be lost. She had called to her, she had seen Jane. She had seen El.“What’s wrong with Mama?” She dragged her face out of Steve’s stomach to stare at the woman standing next to them, watching with confusion at the pair of brunets.“She...” The woman hesitated and sighed. “Maybe we should sit down. I can make coffee?” This was offered to Steve, who nodded.He really needed something like caffeine right now, yes.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------They ended up sitting around the table while Becky – Terry’s sister and obviously Ellie’s aunt – made coffee. The grinding of the beans in the machine was uncomfortably loud in the awkward silence. She put a glass of water in front of Ellie, who ignored it, not even twitching when Becky gave her a sightly worried glance, simply staring at her mom. Ellie had that sad expression on her face, that pained frown. Steve didn’t know how to make it better. How were you supposed to help a child experiment who had just seen her hopes of a normal life with her family being ripped away from her.And by the same people who had hurt her.It was cruel. Life was cruel, and Men were animals. Steve didn’t even know what was the point.“I just need a little help understanding, sweety, okay?” Becky finally sat down, a mug of coffee pushed towards the brunet boy, her own discarded a bit on the side after a single sip. Maybe she should have taken a shot of tequila or something to help her process. Alcohol didn’t solve problems, but neither did milk, so why not? “Can you... tell me where you came from? Where you’ve been all this time?” She took a moment again, unsure of how to proceed. “A policeman and a woman came looking for you last year. Did hey find you?”Surprise flashed in Steve’s eyes, but El didn’t look all that bothered by the information.She must be talking about Hopper and Joyce.“She won’t get better... Will she?” She asked softly.The woman glanced at Steve, like she was asking for help with the weird behaviour of her niece, but Steve didn’t even bother to grace her with a shrug, simply staring at her flatly and slurping his coffee.Becky didn’t look very trustworthy. She was acting very skittish, very nervous. Maybe it was because she had a super-powered kid and a stranger sitting in her house. Maybe it was because of something else.Maybe she was hiding some shit.Steve’s unwavering icy gaze finally had reason of her, and she pointedly avoided his eyes.“They don’t think so, no.” Becky sniffled, staring a little broken, a little empty, at the table. “But she’s not in any pain. She’s just stuck, they think. Like in a dream. A long dream.”Ellie’s eyes finally left her mother’s vegetative state to look at her aunt. “A good dream?” Her voice was so vulnerable, Steve was terrified that his sister would break, would shatter.But Ellie had faced bad men, monsters. Horrible scientists, and their awful testing. She could go through this. She would do it. And Steve would make sure she wouldn’t be alone in this. Nobody deserved to be alone when your entire world was crumbling on itself.“I hope so.”El sighed, and Steve closed his eyes.“Is it the same dream?”“We don’t know. Sometimes she says different words. But usually those.”Ellie took a deep breath, releasing it with a shudder, and cried softly, quietly, leaning in Steve’s hand on her own. She latched on this his fingers like a lifeline, squeezing the blood out of them, and Steve squeezed back, comforting as much as he could the little girl.Becky reached over the table to gently hold Ellie’s other hand.“She always believed that you were out there. She always believed that you’d come home one day.”Now, this wasn’t about Steve in any way, but he couldn’t help wondering.What did it feel like? To learn that your parents wanted you? To know that they prayed everyday for you? Ellie’s mom had never faltered in her belief that her child would come back home. Steve didn’t have that. People who cared like that. Hopper wasn’t his father. He had no obligation towards him. None at all. And Hopper had not give sign of life for an entire day. Steve felt a little pang in his heart thinking about his parents. He had understood long ago that they didn’t care. It must be nice to have someone who was begging the sky be with you. Someone who loved you unconditionally.“Home?” Ellie’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.Steve heart clenched painfully in his chest.
Home.
She deserved that. A home. With her true family.“Yeah, home.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Steve let Ellie go alone with Becky to her room. He was already a stranger in a stranger’s house, and he didn’t feel very welcomed by Becky. She was neutrally hostile to him, and Steve was pretty sure she would kick him out the second Ellie would decide to stay here.Because she would.Her mom and her aunt lived here, her real family.Steve knew Ellie would stay here.It’s not that he didn’t want her to be happy with her true relatives, but he couldn’t help thinking about the devastation in Hopper’s heart when he’ll learn that she ran away, and that Steve helped her escape.Hopper would be done with him. He would absolutely never forgive him for that. Steve was going to lose his sister and his... He was going to lose the father he wished he had had in his life sooner. Ellie was going to disappear from his life, and Hopper would hate Steve for the rest of his life. A lump formed in his throat, and he had to remember to breathe, blinking furiously to stop his tears from falling. He should stop being such a baby. He was a grown man, almost an adult. He had to man up. Steve had to keep his feelings under control, for the love of Christ. He wasn’t going to break down now, and not here.He had an empty house for that, so he would fall apart there, after Ellie would say it was okay to leave her there. Steve still wasn’t sure about that, but Becky was her aunt. She would be fine, yeah. It would be just fine.Steve knew he didn’t have any right to complain about anything. He was a rich, white kid who had obviously a bright future in front of him. Forget the fact that he couldn’t picture that future. Forget the fact that Steve couldn’t see himself after high school. He didn’t know what he loved, what he wanted to do. He knew he didn’t want to end up working for his father and take on the mantle of the family business at all. But with the way things were going, he might not have a choice.He was expected, after all, to become the next CEO of the Harringtons’ empire.It was what people were telling him all the time. He had a job to do, a position to take, like his father and done when his grandfather had first started the business. Steve was supposed to lead a billionaire’s business empire so that people could provide for their families. He couldn’t just do what he wanted. He was a Harrington. A male heir. It felt a lot like he was an English prince forced to become King when his father would die. It was ridiculous. They were in the 80’s, how was it that in America - the country defined by the word ‘freedom’ -, he was forced to do something he didn’t have any heart to do?This – all of this – was bullshit.Pure, stupid, fucking bullshit.Like Steve.The brunet groaned and let his head fall back on the backrest of his chair, eyes closed. His life wasn’t really that hard, he just enjoyed complaining. His father had said so, even his mamma was very eager to silence him the second he’d start whining.
Poor little rich boy. You really do live the nightmare.
Ah. There it was again. That voice.Steve hadn’t missed it at all.It was like a malicious little pixie just popping up at the most inconvenient times. It was just Steve’s inner thoughts, but they felt like they came from someone else. They came from the darkest part of his soul, that was clear. If Steve even had one to begin with.It was weird. Maybe he was mentally ill.That must be the reason why he was such a failure at school – or just in life as a whole really –, why he was such an ass with people all the time, why he always ended up curled in his bed, choking on tears when he knew he had no fucking reason to. The desperation for air was just unnecessary, really. Steve was just dramatizing everything again.A flash of light made his eyes fly open, and Steve’s blood drained from his body when the kitchen flower-shaped light on top of his head flickered.
Oh no.
No-no-nononononoNO-The bat? Where was the bat?!He had a brief moment of lucidity.
Oh shit no.
He had forgot it in his trunk.Oh no nononono-Steve searched frantically for a weapon, for a threat, for a demonic screech. Nothing. There was nothing, but he was still spiraling down into ice cold panic, and Ellie was nowhere to be found-“STEVE!”He gasped so loud it rumbled in his eardrums like thunder, wild eyes snapping into brown, wet eyes full of fear.“El...” He rasped, throat so closed off it felt like he had sandpaper rubbing inside.Her hands reached forward, grabbing his face, and she put their foreheads together, and Steve felt something weird, cold and yet warm, slip inside his head. It was like a blanket made of water wrapping around his mind and his breathing ended up coming back to something normal. He could inhale much better now. Ellie’s eyelids were closed, and Steve’s own were barely fluttering, heavy. It was like he was floating on cotton candy, fluffy and soft and safe. Ellie’s powers were truly terrifying. She had met no resistance from him. It was... dangerous.Steve didn’t want her in his head.It was too much of a dark place for her to be.She didn’t need his self-loathing and his desire for death to corrupt her brightness.Because despite everything done to her, she was a ray of sunshine in his life.“Is he alright?” Becky’s voice was far-away, like Steve had cotton wool stuck in his ears. “He looks sick. Maybe I should call-”“NO!” Steve immediately snarled, dark eyes full of hostile protectiveness for his little sister.There was a reason the kids used radios to communicate now instead of phones.Wouldn’t want the wrong people to hear the wrong things.“Steve?” Ellie asked, worry dancing in her gaze.“Y-yeah... Yeah no it’s fine. I’m okay, Ellie. I just got scared a little because of the lights.” His soft smile fell flat when he looked back at Becky. “Do not call anyone. El’s been in hiding for a year, and if they find out she’s here now...”“They? I’m sorry- I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” The woman crossed her arms uncomfortably on her chest. “What do you mean ‘she’s in hiding’?”Ellie probably refused to say anything about where she was and what she was doing. Becky looked like she had no goddamn clue on what was happening right now.“You don’t need to know the details. If Ellie judged good not to tell you anything, then I won’t either. All you need to know is that bad men are looking for her.”“Because of what she can do?” Becky offered with a very arrogant tone of voice for someone so in the dark about the true nightmares of this world.Steve and Ellie both nodded as one, a twin gaze of flat intensity directed at Becky’s nervous form.“Alright then, why did you get so spooked then? I think I at least need to understand that if you don’t want me to put out your name for an asylum or something.”Steve considered, and he had to admit it was fair. Unfortunately.“The lights.” Ellie said matter-of-factly, and Steve nodded weakly while the woman gave them both a confused grimace. “Something talks with the lights.”Yeah, that something was actually a nine-feet-tall nightmare that liked to jump from walls to eat teenagers and drag girls down a pool to fucking ripped them to shreds-“Sweety, really it’s just the wiring.”“No.” She shook her head, peeling her forehead from Steve’s. His chest was still heaving a little, heart wild in his rib cage, but it was better knowing that Ellie wasn’t afraid of whatever was causing the lights to flicker.It wasn’t a monster.Nothing was going to rip the walls of this house open and fall with razor sharp teeth right on top of him.It was fine.He was fine.Ellie was fine.Things were fine.Ellie kept his hand in hers as she marched up to her mom, mumbling indistinctly at the TV, and Steve stayed right behind her, Ellie leaning against his shins as she once again got on her knee in front of the rocking chair.“It’s not the wiring.” Steve said flatly, shuddering in fear even though he knew it wasn’t what he thought it was that was affecting the lights.Ellie stared at her mother intensely, and the TV changed channels abruptly, scaring the shit out of Becky – which Steve found hilarious, and maybe he shouldn’t be so mean with her, but really, it was funny –, until all that was left was white noise filling the tensed silence in the room.“It’s Mama.” She said as a drop of blood slide down Terry’s nose.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
In the end, Ellie managed to find another like her.Another number.Steve shuddered with horror at that though.People, humans, treated like less than animals. Maybe that’s how it felt for slaves back in the day. Steve wasn’t very smart, but he understood the suffering those people went through, the slow death, the erasure of their very humanity at the hand of others. It was horrible, monstruous, something humans did ever since the beginning of civilisation, in every society, but Steve’s own little sister had been treated like a rat lab, a goddamn science project, because of her amazing and mysterious abilities. Because they wanted to possess that, to turn her into a weapon they could use to win against the Russians. Hopper had sounded and looked furious during his quiet explanation, while Ellie had watched ‘The Sound of Music’ like it was her new religion, oblivious to the serious conversation between her ‘brother’ and her surrogate father....Did Ellie have a father? Out there? Where was he? Did he leave Terry when she lost the baby – more like she was stolen – or was he just never in the picture in the first place? Never knew he had a child?Steve would rather not think about it. Ellie considered him her big brother, and Hopper was the closest thing to a dad the both of them had ever known.Because Steve’s dad thought he was a useless disappointment. Because Ellie’s ‘Papa’ was an abusive monster.
Please papà! Farò di me- I’ll do better!
Steve closed his eyes, squashing his shudder of fear and his pain away. What he had received from his father wasn’t even enough to compare to Ellie’s suffering. The scars on his heart and the phantom grasp of a large hand on his wrist, on his cheek, wasn’t all that bad when he knew someone who had been enslaved, tortured, traumatised to the point that the word ‘Papa’ was enough to send her into a panic fit, furniture crashing against walls and ceilings.Steve wanted to have his head on a spike, but apparently, the guy had perished last year during the Demogorgon attack.Tragic.It made his skin crawl just thinking about what could have been done to Ellie, what she had to go through. She had woken up crying, last weekend, murmuring thing about ‘Papa’ and ‘Don’t leave me’. Steve knew that kind of pain, probably not on her level, but he understood the feeling of abandonment, the loneliness. Steve could relate to that sort of suffering.So.Another number.Another stolen little girl. Another tortured child. Another victim of Men’s hunger for more power, for war.It made him sick.Steve didn’t know what Ellie wanted to do. She had her aunt now, and if she really wanted to go to her sister, Becky could drive her. Steve had school in the morning, and even if he couldn’t sleep on a normal day, he knew he wouldn’t be able to close an eye without knowing that his little sister would be okay.Safe.Still, it made his stomach roll over, bile rising and threatening to make him puke. Leaving Ellie here... He didn’t like it. He didn’t trust it. The brunette little girl could defend herself – Christ, she could kill a man with her mind – of course, but Steve still felt a sense of responsibility towards her. He had this sense of duty that he couldn’t shake off, and maybe that was a problem. Steve wasn’t a hero; he wasn’t even a good guy normally. He had no rights to feel like he had to be the one to save her. Ellie didn’t need it: she had saved herself.But Steve had taken responsibility for her when he chose to drive her all the way to this house. When he had disobeyed Hopper’s order to ‘stay home and don’t go wandering too far from the cabin, you heard me?’....Yeah, Steve had completely fucked up that one.Hopper would be so disappointed. Like Steve’s parents. Disappointed that Steve didn’t listen, didn’t do what he was told to do, didn’t reach the expectations set upon him. Steve could feel the ball of anxiety and horrendous self-hatred slowly choking him, his throat closing off again with stress, and he was afraid for a second that he’d faint. He felt weak, so weak.God... Hopper was going to be so mad. So mad. Steve could see it happening in front of his eyes, the moment the policeman’s face would fall, twist, darken. The moment he would see that Steve is still that arrogant fucking brat making the officer’s life a living hell. Steve had basically kidnapped his daughter, brought him to her biological family, knowing that she was still being hunted by the lab.Hopper would probably hate him.Steve just knew it.“Steve?” Ellie’s timidly asked, trudging softly towards him, eyes shining with a question that she was nervous to ask.She seemed a little teary, and Steve understood that she had just spend a very turbulent day. With them driving to Becky’s house after Ellie’s breakdown in the cabin, to finding another one of those experiment children, without forgetting Steve’s little own panic moment with the lights, she seemed tired. Ellie’s features were drawn, and she had that darkness in her eyes that made Steve a little worried.Steve sighed with a smile, holding out his hand to her. The little girl nearly jumped on him, climbing on his lap to curl in his arms like a cat.“You okay?” He murmured against her curly hair, feeling her nod, but didn’t miss the way she shifted closer to him, cheek squished against his chest, silently seeking comfort.“I’m sad.” She whispered a little bit dejectedly.At least she understood her emotions right now. Steve was glad, and proud, to see her be a little more confident in her way of understanding the world around her.The world out of that lab.“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked low, calm, soothing. He didn’t want to push her.Steve left her the choice.He gave her the option to say no, and he promised at the same time to not pry for more if she refused to talk. Ellie had been forced to do things her whole life, in the lab, and even if Hopper had wanted to protect her, he still stopped her from seeing her friends, to go out. Steve understood the fear of having those bad men find her, but he considered that it was cruel to isolate her. Even if the kids couldn’t keep their mouths shut – Steve had had the displeasure to spend a few long – painfully long – hours with them when they had been ordered to sign those NDAs, and it had been chaos embedded in screams and arguing and theories about ‘where is El?!’ – for shit. Steve had never been as exhausted in his life, after a frenetic fight wit a disembodied eldritch monstrosity with petals full of daggers for a face. He had been drained completely, the fear and desire to suddenly survive to what looked like an apocalyptic demon attack totally hitting him like a train. He had had no time to deal with middle schoolers’ shenanigans.Again, those twerps probably would have accidentally revealed her existence, and Hopper only wanted the best for her. He wanted her safe.“... Mama is sick. Her mind... is broken.” She said with a mournful tone, snuggling closer – if it was even possible – to Steve while he rubbed circles in her back. “She sees me, but not with her eyes.”Steve didn’t really understand what she meant. He had a hard time grasping the concept of seeing someone but not seeing them. Terry seemed to be trapped in her head -Steve was too, but... It was different, insidious. It wasn’t a dream; it was a nightmare – and unable to contact the outside world. Ellie could reach her, with her mind, but this intimate link between them was tainted by the fact that Terry’s mind was fried.“Can you... feel? Her? With your powers?” He asked, the sound muffled by the way he was resting his cheek on her head.He was genuinely curious about the way her powers worked. He knew she was strong, especially when her temper would make her act on emotions like anger – his back was probably bruised from the impact between him and the cabin’s wall now that he thought about it – or sadness. And people did stupid things out of panic and desperation, so someone with such powers could possibly vandalise their universe by like, tearing it open. Steve was still really interested in knowing how strong she actually was.As of now, he knew she could kill men and monsters with her mind, could communicate with people’s minds through ‘The Void’, as she called it and he had no idea of what she meant precisely, and she could find someone, where they lived, simply after having seen their picture...It was scary.But also fascinating.Ellie nodded, and Steve hummed.“Papa broke her.” Her voice turned steely, hard with bitter rage, and Steve could see an electric cloud forming over their heads just be the feeling of her emotions being a little out of hand right now. “He hurt me, he hurt Mama. I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad the monster killed him.”She wiggled a bit out of his hug, turning guilty eyes up to him, full of uncertainty.“Is it... bad?” She hesitated, so self-conscious, so scared to offend. So scared to be the monster. Steve could only feel like he was being stabbed in the heart with a spike.Ellie had been punished for failing so many times, she had been imprisoned for talking back. She wasn’t sure about what would make people offended, what would be unacceptable to say or do in this society. Steve believed that she didn’t have to feel bad for being relieved that her abuser was gone from this world.A darker part of himself thought that it was a good thing Brenner died such a horrible death.The man had deserved it for the cruelty he had showed his little sister.“It’s not bad, Ellie.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “It’s not wrong to feel relieved.”“Relieved?” The little brunette tilted her head, confused by the word.“Yeah, Supergirl.” He smiled at the way her eyes sparkled at the nickname. “Relieved. It’s when... when you aren’t afraid anymore. When the things that are scary are gone.” He tried to explain without saying anything complicated or false.Steve didn’t really do well at school, so clearly trying to explain words to a twelve-year-old psychic kid wasn’t smart from his part when he could barely understand those definitions himself.
But Steve wasn’t very smart.“It’s like when you can’t feel cold anymore, or when the bad things aren’t there anymore to hurt you.” He finished, his voice a little void of emotion, but soft. Steve stared ahead, lost in memories, blinking the indifference of his parents and his fear of the dark away.“So... It’s okay to be... relieved. That Papa is dead.” She summarized with her little face scrunched up into a pout of both confusion and understanding.“Yeah, El. It’s okay.” He smiled weakly. “You were wronged very badly by him. He was a bad man. You told me that. You are safe, free from him. It’s okay to feel better now that he is gone.”Ellie didn’t answer, simply sinking into her own thoughts, and Steve could almost see the gears spinning in her brain. A smile floated on his lips as he just let the silence settle like a lazy cat between them. It wasn’t heavy and uncomfortable, like the many silences he had had to share with many people. Nancy’s silences were dark and judgmental, used to make Stee feel stupid just by talking. His mother’s silences were cold and without feelings. Just bland, awkward drunken silences with a wine bottle between them as she tried to slur words to pretend they had a real mother/son relationship. Those happened a lot between them, at the ridiculous ‘ballroom’ dinner room. Steve’s mother would rather find comfort in the bottom of a bottle or buy designer clothes for an astronomical sum than to talk about anything with Steve. His father’s silences were sinister and unsettling, like a thundercloud looming over him and about to let his anger rain on him.The anger could turn into a rain of backhanding. Sometimes. Steve’s father barely had the time – or the energy – to bother a slap or two anymore. And since he was never home, Steve hadn’t felt his rejection physically since... before Nancy accepted to date him. Maybe even before that. Steve couldn’t remember the last time he saw his parents in that fucking house.The silence of his house, that tomb he had to live in, was filled with dead girls and shadows ripping from the walls to tear his ribcage open in half and eat his heart. It was filled with the echoes of his screams, by the haunting lingering of his nightmares.Steve usually hated silence. That’s why he used to have so many parties, why he used to surround himself with loud, obnoxious and often annoying people. It was just to not be surrounded by silence or his own thoughts. That too wasn’t great. It made him feel small, empty. Just like he couldn’t stand the dark anymore. It was just so overwhelming and horrendous, the darkness sticking to him like slimy treads of goo trying to swallow him. Trying to kill him.Steve hated silence, but right now, it was warm, golden. It felt like he was sitting next to a fire in the middle of harsh winter, in some shack near a lake, with hot cocoa in his hands. Maybe Hopper would have let Ellie do this, if she had stayed with him to wait again for winter.But now she had her family, her real family. And a sister – one that shared her trauma, her trials and her pain. One who understood that kind of suffering – somewhere out there. Ellie would want to find her, Steve knew that. She would want to at least speak with her.The silence was broken by a deep, gurgling sound coming directly from......Ellie’s stomach.Steve snorted playfully, Ellie’s face turning a little red. They had eaten a sandwich on their way here, but Becky hadn’t offered them any food yet. Becky was a very poor host. Steve’s nonna would be horrified and would have gone into a two-hour-long lecture about ‘being welcoming to your guests, Signore aiutaci’. Nonna would mumble profanities her entire village would be horrified to hear coming from her mouth, and Steve thought that it had been hilarious, the way Padre Mateo had looked at the little old grandma when she cursed out loud by accident when a tourist almost ran her over. The poor man had seemed ready to exorcise some demon out of Steve’s grandmother.Great times. Steve was still thinking that demons didn’t actually exist at that time. Just great times.How the times had changed, huh?Now he was smashing demons with a spiked baseball bat and no holy water.Maybe he should find some kind of cross somewhere to destroy some Demogorgon’s skull. Could actually be effective, who knew?Steve had no desire to test his hypothesis.Padre Mateo would be proud to see the little Stefano so actively fighting the spawns of Hell itself. Padre Mateo would probably die if he ever met face-to-face with a demon. Fuck them, Steve was terrified, and he hated those fucking monsters-“Are you hungry?” He teased and she pouted at him, cheeks blown up like balloons at his amusement.Steve pressed his lips together with a flat and yet mirthful look on his face while his little sister seemed to suddenly have a revelation, her eyes widening a little and short curls bouncing excitedly as she jumped on her feet.“Do you think... Eggos?” Her voice was full of hope and her eyes literally sparkled, fireworks in them.She really did love Eggos, huh?Steve’s smile widened, even though he tried to stop himself from doing so. Ellie looked so cute, and he chuckled at her innocent eyes basically begging him to go on an adventure to find her beloved waffles.“I don’t know, maybe we should investigate.” He said faux-seriously, comically imitating Hopper’s ‘Chief of police, nothing to see here, move on’ face, and grinned when Ellie giggled at his antics.The two brunets basically raided the kitchen, looking everywhere for something that looked like snacks, but it seemed that Becky didn’t eat anything but cheese and pork and broccoli. Ellie made a face at the sight of the vegetable, earning herself a playful eyeroll from the teenager as he shook his head, discouraged. She simply smiled up at him, and Steve decided that Becky didn’t need so much cheese for herself, so he stole some from her fridge and gave it to Ellie, not before sticking a generous portion of said cheese in his mouth. She watched him swallow half the cheese before she took a bite, and she seemed to like it as much as when he made her the omelette. Seve was making a funny face at his sister as she munched her snack when footsteps were heard from the wooden platform at the side of the house.Their laughers died as Becky’s voice rose from the night:“I-I just... I didn’t know who else to call. He gave me this number, and he came here looking for her. I thought maybe you could help me.”Ellie slowly rounded the kitchen table, advancing carefully towards the back door. Steve’s blood ran cold as they both snapped theirs heads to look at each other with a twin look of panic in their big doe eyes.“Yeah uh- Jim Hopper. He came here with some woman named Joyce Byers?”Alarm bells rang stridently in his head, his skin buzzing with a thousand spiders suddenly crawling up his arms and down his back, shiver of cold dread shaking him to his core.
Oh no.
Oh shit.
Oh fuck!
Steve didn’t have to tell Ellie to follow him, she was already running, the teenager on her heals as if they had monsters chasing them. Monsters would be a close call. Becky, that fucking idiot, had called someone, and obviously the line wouldn’t be secure given that she was a goddamn civilian. She called somebody on this very-easy-to-spy-on line, and told Hop and Mrs. Byers names. Jesus fucking Christ! Steve was sure they had less than five minutes to get the hell out of here before Feds – or worst: the bad men themselves – would be on them. He had to get her out of here.He had to protect his sister from them.They never looked back as they slammed their car doors, the lights of his Beamer flashing on a panicked-looking Becky before Steve slammed his foot on the pedal and they were off, disappearing into the night.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Steve relaxed only after they passed the State lines.The billboard of Illinois smiled at him while he clenched his teeth to the point that a headache pulsed behind his eyes. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight his knuckles had turned white, and he had shot frantic glances in his rearview mirror every five seconds to see if they had been followed.Ellie must have felt his stress, the tension in her shoulders bleeding away when he let out a sigh and sank in his seat, slowing down just enough for her to notice that her brother judged that they were safe now.Soon the city lights shone brightly around them, a forest of skyscrapers replacing the gloomy woods on each side of the car, Ellie’s reflection in the window getting mixed with the lights of the buildings, harsh and warm in the dark colour of the night. She studied the office towers, proof of the American might for big things and exuberance and being better than everyone – especially better than those Commies – in their culture, with a childish interest, marvelling in their massive height. All Ellie had known woods and clinical white rooms. Seeing so many people, such diversity, passing by downtown and living must be like a religious experience for her right now.The brunet chuckled at the way she flattened her nose on the window, eyes not moving fast enough to take in everything passing past the car.It seemed wild and disturbing, thinking about all of those strangers, having lives and goals and hardships and sorrows. Steve sometimes wondered what they were going through, when he’d watch them walk past him in the streets. Being from a small town meant that everyone, eventually, knew everything about everyone else. It was annoying. You couldn’t live in peace; someone would always remember the embarrassing shit you did when you were a tween.Everyone wanted to run away from Hawkins, one day or another, but very few actually did.Nancy’s mom had had such dreams, and now she was married to a man twice – and he was being generous – her age, with three kids. Holly – cute, precious baby Holly – was probably – as disgusting as Steve thought it was – born to fill the void left by her two other growing kids and her inattentive husband. Mrs. Wheeler just didn’t look very happy with her life.But whatever, Steve wasn’t her daughter’s boyfriend anymore – ...right? Had they even made it like, official?... –, so he didn’t have to ask her how she was doing to keep up with petty appearances and pointless small talk when the woman knew for a fact that he didn’t really care.Everyone had problems, and Steve’s own were to sleep and pretend to be okay in public. That’s why he used to always sneak up Nancy’s window and crawl into her bed: to sleep. Knowing he had her next to him gave him a sense of safety, of calm. It felt good. Just sleeping. Not touching beyond the slow, tender, vulnerable kisses. Maybe he should have realized, when she stopped turning to him for those moments, when she started gently shaking him off her, out of his arms, that she didn’t love him anymore.Steve had been so blind. So stupid.A flash of fury almost made him growl because really, you couldn’t get more stupid than Steve Harrington missing important cues and signs that things were happening. He was just this dumb jock, this clown class who couldn’t even have decent grades without daddy’s precious fucking money. Jesus, he barged into the Byers house last year and didn’t realize that things were wrong until Nancy put a shotgun under his nose, until a fucking monster ripped its way through the ceiling.He never noticed that Barb got dragged into hell through a portal in his pool.Steve was a fucking idiot.He got dragged away from his self-moping by a very excited and curious little sister, who kept asking him about whatever would catch her eye. Her questioning kept him focused, and Steve knew, deep in his heart, that she had suddenly started to talk because she could feel his sadness, his anger. Ellie pointed things with her fingers, greasing his car window with fingertip marks all over the glass, chatting lively about the people she caught in weird outfits and little girls her age with fashionable clothing and wild hair.She ducked her head, sinking into her seat, when they passed two policemen surveying the streets, hands on their belts, close to their pistols, the memory of lab guards chasing after her down the halls just so raw and vivid. She was still scared of uniforms, except when Hopper was the one wearing it. Her dad would never hurt her, she knew that.At least Steve hopped she knew that.They watched a man run into a woman as they waited at a red light, colliding with her shoulder, shouting at her to watch where she was walking. That prompted the woman to scowl and curse at him before going on with her life, and Ellie muttered ‘mouth-breather’ with a very dissatisfied pout.The man mysteriously tripped right as she said it.Steve sent a reprimanding but amused look at the girl, who’s only answer was to smile innocently at him.They made their merry way down to the less… respectable part of town, vagrants and junkies scrambling for scraps of food, clothes and shelter, fires burning in old metal barrels, and Steve swore he saw one of those weirdos try to inhale the gasoline right from his tailpipe.Mama mia... Jesus Lord, help them.They parked near some industrial warehouse, something that looked abandoned and frankly derisory. He stopped the engine, sighing as Ellie jumped out of the car, eyes nervously searching for threats while she almost ran to explore the new surroundings. She must feel like she’s some adventurous traveler in this big, foreign, dangerous city. Seeing those imposing buildings and hearing the bustling of life around her must have been an amazing adventure. The brunets stepped out of the car, Ellie walking with a lot more conviction than Steve, the little girl seemly knowing where she was going. Indistinct voices rose from inside, laugher and jeers echoing in the room.“Ellie.” He called for her with uncertainty.She turned to face him, curiosity in her eyes.The innocence of children. No matter the horrors they had seen, they were still resilient, still smiling and having fun. Still had that innocence. Steve wished he still had that too.“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” He whispered, stressed out. “Is she even here?” He searched for doubt in her eyes. There was none.She nodded decidedly. “She’s here. I know it. I saw it.”Steve both loved and hated her paranormal visions. He just couldn’t deal with this, he couldn’t. Maybe he’d die from a heart attack one day, but honestly, he wasn’t sure if the little girl wouldn’t be the death of him one day. This was stupid and dangerous, and yes, she could kill with her mind, but she also tired very fast, and Steve had forgotten his bat in the trunk of his Beamer.Perfetto. Just... great.Steve brought his eyes back on the weirdos, all wearing questionable outfits in the burnet’s professional opinion.His mamma would be horrified. She would have screamed and burned her eyes to forget that travesty.Maybe their outfits weren’t so bad, after reflection.They were arguing about ‘the perfect spot’ – whatever that meant – when Ellie did the most moronic thing in her life and called out to them with a clear ‘hello’. Steve wanted to die right there.
The silence that befell upon them all as the two brunets made their ways to meet those misfits was so heavy Steve could feel it weighting like an elephant on his chest. He was suffocating a little. The energy around them was dark and dangerous.Shit, maybe they would get murdered tonight. Hopper would kill Steve for that.“Well, well... What do we have here?”“What is she wearing?”What was she wearing? Who the hell did that demented bitch thought she was to insult his sister like that? Steve would murder tonight, he had no doubt.“Is that overalls?”“Aren’t you a momma’s boy?” The same weird fucking maniac purred as she traced her fingers on his tight-fitting pollo, Steve batting her hands away when she let them wander a bit to low towards his waistband.That crazy girl let out a mocking giggle, her wild hair accentuating her crooked smirk and the horrible make-up she was wearing. Steve was judging, judging hard. She seemed to be high on crack, or like fucked up by weed, because she barely seemed to be grasping the reality she was living in right now. Her smile dropped as she turned her head lazily towards Ellie.“There aren’t any cows to milk here, kid.” She nudged her head, pointing the door with a jerk of her chin. “Go on back to the farm now.” Her eyes landed back on Steve, and a shudder of disgust crawled up his spine at the leering way she was watching him. “But Cutie here can stay a little longer. I bet we’d have fun.”She giggled again, out of her fucking mind, at the way Steve twisted his face in revulsion. Clearly, she had burned a few braincells with whatever the hell she was on.“I’m looking for my sister.” Ellie explained, unwavering, getting the attention off Steve.“Aw... Shirley Temple lost her sister. So sad.” The slim, gangly man pouted mockingly, hostile.“Look, freak.” Steve snapped flatly as he stared – King Steve persona all out now that this asshole was attacking one of his – right into his eyeballs. “Call her by some name like that one more time and I’ll break every bone in your body.”He had no idea how many bones one had in one’s body, but he new that breaking all of them would be slow and painful. Steve shouldn’t feel so fucking feral about it. Shouldn’t think that it’d be delectable to hear the crunching noises of broken bones.He had to sleep. He had to fucking go to sleep.Steve stared at those delinquents, getting ready for shit to explode in his and Ellie’s face real quick. Some freak with a colorful mohawk seemed to be really unhinged compared to the others, and Steve stood his ground when he came right into his face, barely blinking when the guy bared his teeth at him in a threatening way, the brunet’s arms crossed over his chest casually.Ellie stayed of ice, absolutely unbothered, but Steve swore he felt the phantom of a hug brush against his mind.“I saw her. Here.” She stated, certain, before reaching for her pocket.The other man, a guy almost as terrifying as Hopper himself, interjected, and the next few moments were tensed. One wrong move, and the bomb would explode. Ellie slowly took out the photo from the article she had found in Becky’s files about the lab, watching, scanning for a violent reaction. They all were very anxious, and when Mohawk Dude saw the little Indian girl’s face, he looked like he had seen a ghost. He looked at Ellie like she was a monster.“I-is that Kali?”Ellie’s head jerked to the black girl.“Kali?” She repeated, hopeful.“Where did you get that? How did you find us?” He asked, borderline hysteric despite the fact that he had spoken robotically calmly. Steve didn’t have a good feeling about this. Mohawk Dude glanced at Steve, and then back at Ellie. “Who else knows you’re here?” He started advancing on Steve’s sister.“No one.” She tried to make him see reason, fear slipping through her answer.“Hey. Don’t fucking touch her.” He warned low, dangerous, barely holding on to his own sanity while alarm bells kept screaming at him to ‘deck the fucking guy!!!’.He had a knife.Things went out of control then, the guy – Axe – completely blew a fuse and almost stabbed his sister. Steve didn’t even register when he moved. Ellie was being threatened. He jumped on him to get him away from Ellie at all costs, grabbing his writs and swinging him back, standing between him and his sister. Axe barely hesitated and charged back at him after an expert flick of the knife, the light catching on the blade. They wrestled a bit, the asshole twisting his writs in a way that broke Steve’s guard and thus wounding him, the burn of the cut sharp and stinging, but the brunet ignore the pain and Ellie’s shout to keep his focus on his opponent, who had a disturbing smile on his face.Oh this wasn’t good.But Steve had no choice: he had to protect the kid.Turned out that he was actually good at protecting people when he under stress. Which made no sense because Steve couldn’t do anything.He managed – by some miracle – to kick the knife away, the metallic clanking echoing along the yells of everyone trying to stop this nonsense. Axe was trying to land a punch now, Steve barely dodging with a duck of his head, trying to shake him off when suddenly he caught sight of it.He had imagined it so many times, made up so many possible scenarios about this, and yet he would have never imagined the shadows behind Axe to bend and snap, expanding, reaching for him with claws and a faceless flower full of teeth opening to eat him.Blood drained from his body, his heartbeat stuttering before speeding up like crazy, and Steve pulled the oblivious dumbass standing right under the Demogorgon’s mouth behind him, missing the way the man himself seemed terrified by something on his hands. Steve stood in front of the gigantic monster – it had never been as tall- never- It… It was – hovering above him, body curled inwards as if it was watching him, and Steve was ready to throw hands with an eldritch monstrosity to protect a bunch of junkies and his little sister. He was going to die, and he’ll be dragged through hell like Barb-He barely blinked and it was gone, his father standing in its place, that terrifying light dancing in his cold, sinister eyes as he towered over him like he was ten again, cheek burning, hurt and shameful for something he didn’t understand – what had he done? Why didn’t he love him? Why was Steve so bad at everything? Why couldn’t he just have good grades like everyone else? You disappoint me, Steven. Papà please! I’ll do better I promise! Please papà! His plea was ignored, met with another slap – like he was being noisy and clingy and childish-He blinked again and the torn bodies of Nancy, Jonathan, Hopper, and Ellie flashed in front of him, bathing in pools of blood- so much blood oh my God no- They were dead, dead and Steve couldn’t do anything to stop it-Everything was gone. It tuned to absolutely nothing, just- He was standing in a void, black and infinite like Steve’s fucking house and nobody was there- Nobody cared- They had left him behind. Everybody always left him behind-Steve staggered, knee giving out under him. He barely registered hitting to floor, face buried in his hands as he tried to breathe, the air caught in his throat and it was like hands – claws he had claws sinking in his flesh! – trying to kill him- He choked on a sob, shaking like a leaf, mind sluggish and he felt...Violated.It felt like he had been burned like- like...“Interesting.” A voice cut through the ringing in his ears.Steve suddenly had too much air rushing in his lungs, head snapping to the stairs, eyes crashing on a girl who was casually leaning against the railing. The ghost of a fucking smirk floated on her lips just as Mohawk Dude growled sharply at her:“I told you to stay out of my head!”So, she had been in Axe’s head too? Steve didn’t like her very much. Kali... Steve couldn’t say they’d be friends. Like ever. She looked perfectly uncaring of the fact; eyes lazy as they fell on her friend.“You’re a terrible danser, Axe.” She drawled, seemly a little disappointed. Or disgusted. Steve couldn’t guess based on her grimace.Her focused soon zeroed back on Steve. Great.“You’ve got unexpected fears, Fancy Hair.” Kali didn’t smirk, her eyes hard as steel.He glared at her, not appreciating her humour. He was still trembling even if it was barely noticeable, Ellie’s hands slipping in his own to drag his attention away from that bitch and back on his little sister. Another of those weird waves of warmth chased the freezing fear away, Ellie once again comforting him without any words, and Steve sagged a little, ruffling her curly head in a way that made her squawk in indignation, slamming her hands on top of her hair with squirrel cheeks. Steve was calm now, and that was the only reason why he managed to not jump on the strange girl slowly making her way towards them.“What did you do?” He asked quite unkindly, gritting his teeth enough to hurt. “What the hell was it?”She had the audacity to smile at him.“Illusions. Your fears, to be exact. The last one is surprising.”Bitch.Kali stopped a few steps away form both brunets, eyes bouncing between them like she was trying to unsolved some mystery. Maybe she was curious as to why Steve was with Ellie. They looked a little alike, with the eyes and the hair color, so it could be confusing. They could pass as cousins, at the very least.“You were in my head.” He summed up, trying to not lash out.It proved difficult when Kali flashed him a predatory smile. Ellie squeezed his hand, silently begging him to remain cool. He obliged. Only for Ellie’s sake. She was her sister, and Steve couldn’t jeopardize their reunion with petty feelings of anger for having had his mind raped-“Yeah.” Was her smug little answer.Bitch.He noticed Ellie looking up at him before she titled her head towards the other girl, and when their gazes met, a weird energy few between them, and now Steve wasn’t psychic, but he could feel the electricity zapping around them. The hair on his arms rose, tingles travelling all over his skin. Maybe their cognitive mind waves just locked or something, created a field where they could speak with their brains?Did Steve know how psychic powers worked?No.The two girls looked like they had found a missing piece o themselves, gained something they thought lost forever, and Steve was a little bit dejected by it. His sister... She seemed very happy suddenly. He had the bitter taste of bile and ash in his mouth suddenly.Ellie gently turned Kali’s forearm, and there it was, nesting in the dip of her wrist:008So, this was it. They had found her.Eleven’s true sister.Eight.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Are you sure you want to stay?”Steve was holding Ellie’s hands in his bigger ones, eyes once again searching for doubt, fear or hesitation, but he found barely any. Her mind had bene made a long time ago. She had decided.
She was staying here.Steve tried not to feel like he was being betrayed.It’s not like he had the right. Ellie would be safer with a girl who could play with people’s minds than with an insecure teenager who had panic attacks a few now and then when he’d catch the lights of the pool at the wrong angle. She’d been happier with her true sister than stuck in a cabin in the middle of the woods. She’d be safe from the bad men with Kali.Or at least Steve was trying to convince himself of that.Strangely, Kali seemed to be a criminal. He had no idea why he was . None at all.Steve rolled his eyes internally.That group of delinquents were clearly doing illegal stuff. What exactly, Steve had no idea, and he didn’t want to know. He had barely avoided the wandering hands of that Dottie girl five minutes ago, choosing to put his back against a pillar to avoid someone sneaking behind him and jumping him like that loony girl.The all had a few loose screws, that was clear.But Kali seemed to have a tight grip on them. It was loyalty, that he could see, but it was weird to see them all obey her without really complaining when they seemed to do only that all the time.Ellie would be okay either way. She could kill with her mind, he had to remind himself of that.Still, his eyes were begging for her to come back to Hawkins with him.She didn’t listen.“Eight... Kali is my sister. Safe.” She assured and the brunet couldn’t hold back his sigh, shoulders dropping, defeated.He rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers, huffing softly.“Alright... Okay, okay. I trust you on this.” His gaze rose to met hers. This was a horrible idea, really. Hopper was going to be so fucking mad. Steve would be buried six feet under as punishment. Alive. “I guess I don’t really have a choice, you’d probably snap my bones or something if I tried to drag you back to Hawkins.” Ellie frowned, not amused by the implication of her killing her brother, Kali letting out a sharp snort while Steve narrowed his eyes exasperatedly as she did so.Clearly someone thought it was hilarious to kill Steve.
Bitch.
He chose to ignore her. He’d stay sane that way.“Call me if you need anything. And I mean anything.” He stared, eyes wide, into her gaze, satisfied when she nodded. “Alright, Supergirl.” The burnet sighed.This was the end. Steve would drive back to Hawkins, and Ellie would stay here, with her sister.He felt sick.He almost fell when she latched on his middle, hugging him like it was the end of the world, and he didn’t even hesitate, squeezing her desperately as she shoved her face in his chest, shaking a little. She was crying.“Hey... hey, Ellie...” He smiled tenderly, holding her in front of him by the arms, her little fingers fisting with a deadly grip in his stripped pollo. There was so much sorrow in her face, tears falling out of puffy, red eyes and she sniffled snottily. Steve’s heart ripped open then. “It’s not the end of the world, El.” He whispered, a hand in her curls when she sank back in his embrace. “We’ll see each other again, I’m sure of it.”“Can’t you stay too?” Her muffled hiccup destroyed him.“This is so sad.” Someone – Axe, it was Axe – said and was immediately silenced by a collective glare.“No, little sister, I can’t. I can’t stay here. My place is in Hawkins, and yours is with Kali. Your Mom sent you here for a reason, and I know you need to find out why. Kali will be here to help you now.” He shot the girl a warning look, and she raised her hands in a peaceful manner, silently swearing to protect their little sister. Steve was satisfied with her solemn nod. “And like I said: we’ll see each other again. Just... send me a message in my dreams and we’ll meet where you want us to, okay?”She rubbed her tears away, even if they kept falling, nodding miserably.“O-okay.” She sobbed and Steve smiled weakly.He kissed her forehead, pouting his affection into it because he knew she could feel his emotions, and she relaxed against him. She pushed her head against his forehead, like she could soak up his love right from his brain. Maybe she could. He smiled at that.“Be brave, Supergirl.” He encouraged her, grinning, and she beamed too.“Brave.” She repeated decidedly, finally letting him slip his hand out of her grasp.He shot her one last glance when he turned the corner out of the room, and then he made a beeline for his car. He wasn’t running, he wasn’t, and he was definitely not stumbling on his way to his Beamer. The dam broke as the door slammed shut. His forehead was pressed so strongly on the steering wheel that he knew he had a mark on it when he straightened his back to get the hell out of here.It took him three times to put the key in the contact, sight blurry with tears as he sobbed his life away. It was ripping his throat apart, with how much it hurt. He was leaving a piece of his heart behind with Ellie.Steve couldn’t breathe.He was... alone... again. Left- Left behind. He had left someone behind. Ellie.. His sister-...She was gone.It felt wrong.So fucking wrong.Steve felt alone and twisted. Dirty.Wasn’t it a crime to leave a child with strangers?But Kali was her sister, right? Another one like her.
Another experiment.
Ellie was- She would be fine. She was her sister. Kali would never hurt her. Never let others hurt her. They had survived the same thing, and they were sisters. Maybe not by blood, but something much stronger bounded them together.Steve could barely think as he drove in the night, leaving the blinding lights of the city, passing the Illinois State line to get back to Hawkins. The numbness of the previous months – of the previous years really. Steve was man enough to admit that he had no idea what happiness felt like anymore. He knew he was fucked in so many ways that he’d probably end up jumping off a cliff. If only he wasn’t such a fucking coward – creeped back down his spine, skin tingling uncomfortably before it became nothing.Ellie had been the closest to family as he had felt in a long time. A little sister he had always dreamed of having, but his parents had had Steve himself just for the sake of appearances, and look what that did to him-Hopper could have been a father figure – was a father figure, Steve would always consider him like a ad more than his actual sperm donor – if Steve hadn’t stolen his daughter away to bring her in another State all together. Hopper would kill him. He’d dismember Steve and would throw his remains to the wolves because honestly Hopper was chief of police, and he’d totally get away with it.
Jesuse fucking Christ.Steve hated himself. He fucking loathed his pathetic self. He was a disgrace, and now Hopper would see it too. Just like his papà had seen when Steve couldn’t spell the simplest of words out loud without fucking it up royally.He was alone again.He didn’t have any family anymore.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Steve gave a side glance at the roses.Were the flowers too much? Should he have brought chocolates instead? Maybe buy her a new tape recorder?He knew she wanted to be a journalist. Steve wished he knew what he wanted in life like Nancy did. She always looked so sure of what she wanted, and there had never been a doubt in her mind about working hard for her goals. Steve had no goals in life. None at all.Pathetic.The brunet shoved down his inner thought mercilessly. Not the time.She could become a very good journalist if she really decided to do that. Nancy had always aspired do to do right thing. It was her biggest desire. Steve knew that. He had loved her. Knowing that made him happy. Because he could pretend he was an attentive boyfriend and not complete trash- She had it in her to seek out the truth, to see what others couldn’t – or wouldn’t – and make light on injustices. Nancy was headstrong, she always did what she thought was right, no matter what people thought.Maybe that’s why she didn’t love him. Because he had wanted them to be normal, to hide the truth Barb’s death. Steve had just wanted to be like any other teenager for once. To be dumb and carefree like the children they weren’t anymore. Nancy hadn’t wanted that. She had wanted to let the truth shine in the spotlight, to have justice for her best friend.Steve loved it as much as he loathed it.It was that stubbornness that drove her to do great things, but it also pushed her to see what she wanted to see and hear what she wanted to hear, and dismiss the rest. Nancy could turn a blind eye to whatever didn’t make her happy – like Steve – and ignore the way the world worked. She knew she was right – and, okay, she usually was, but sometimes it was annoying – about what she believed, and damn what the world thought. People called her a know-it-all, and fair enough she was one. Steve could admit that there was a way to correct people on their errors, and it wasn’t by attacking them and being hostile when they defended their opinions. Sometimes, another’s perspective was also as valid as your own. Not always, but sometimes.Nancy couldn’t see that.Was he pushing it?Steve loved her... Used to love her? Jesus, emotions were so confusing, how was he supposed to know if he still... loved her? He knew he was thinking about her often, but she wasn’t aways on his mind, not like before. Now there were golden curls flashing in front of his eyes instead of brown wavy hair, and it was freaking him out.He had Italian blood, and his nonna had explained how things were supposed to be done when you were interested in a girl. She had told him how to be the perfect man for any girl. You had to be charming and make her laugh and act like you knew what you were talking about. Flowers were the bare minimum `when it came in courting a lady.Or win her back, in his case.It’s not that he really wanted to get back together with Nancy...Okay- Maybe a little...? Did he really?It was more about saying sorry for whatever he had done, so that she wouldn’t hate him. Steve had been raised – well, his mother had said a few things about decency and being a good man, once, when she hadn’t been pretending to have a headache to escape her responsibilities as a mother – to be a gentleman, despite his previous behavior as Hawkins’ coldest douchebag on a mission to leave a trail of broken little hearts in the hallways of Hawkins High. Every boy had his moment, right? Wasn’t that like a normal part of growing up with raging hormones and all of that? To fuck girls and not think beyond the moment?Some people had exemplary grades in high school, some people like Steve had sex in high school. Girls used to just fall over at his feet, so was it really his fault? They had been the ones who had wanted to do it with him too, so really why was he seen as a jerk when he didn’t want commitment with any of them? He had always been clear, he had never ‘played’ with anyone’s heart. Those girls wanted it as much as he had wanted it, and now those girls were desperate for Hargrove’s dick, so maybe those girls were bullshit for crying in Steve’s face when he told them he didn’t want to date them.There had only been one.One he couldn’t get; one he had longed for. He remembered he could barely breathe when she was smiling to him, and he was always looking for her in the hallways, flashing her a smile when their eyes would meet. He had been ecstatic when her answer to those grins had changed from an exasperated eyeroll to a shy smile.He had really loved her, huh?Maybe that was why it hurt so much.The only one had been Nancy, and now it was over. But he still would want to stay friends with her, she wasn’t mean. And maybe he wanted to make peace with Jonathan too. After everything, there was nothing bad about saying he was sorry for his old behaviour.So, here he was, in front of Nancy’s house.“Listen... I love you. I’m sorry.” Wait a damn minute. He paused. “I’m sorry? What the hell am I sorry for?” He muttered, frowning with a sigh. “This is complete bullshit. What did I do?”He was thinking out loud, a habit he had developed over time as he spend lonely days in an empty house that had become like a tomb when the whole monster thing had popped up in his life.
Did he still have feeling for Nancy? It had been two weeks, and the pain from Halloween lingered, but it was more like a piercing stinking, so did he really wanted to get back with her?She had vanished again, Jonathan in tow – because he wasn’t around either so Steve just assumed they were together –, and Steve had no idea why exactly, but he had a bad feeling about all of this. The air lately felt heavy, cloying. It was like trying to breathe through oil. Hopper had gone radio silent ever since Steve left Ellie with Kali, and now Nancy and Jonathan were also just not at school today. Didn’t mean it was linked, but Steve didn’t believe in coincidences.But Nancy could have just been bored and since she was so good at school, she could have skipped some classes and gone home early. Or maybe she was dead.Maybe he should stop behind so paranoid-“Steve!”The brunet stopped dead in his tracks, turning his head to face......Jesus Christ, somebody help this kid.What was that kid wearing around his chest? It looked like he was trying to play ‘Pretend’, and he was pretending to be... a... Jesus- An alien soldier? What did Steve know? He had never pretended to be some kind of fantastic character. He didn’t have enough imagination. Not when it came to impersonate characters and invent a story. But that brat seemed to have a lot of imagination. Steve remembered him playing that ‘Prisons and Serpents’ boardgame or whatever it was called, when he was hanging out with Nancy and those brats had been doing their weird shit in the basement. Maybe that thing attached around his chest was for the game?And what was that thing over his face? He looked like a sports commentator.He looked dumb as shi-“Are those for Mr. or Mrs. Wheeler?” The little boy gave his flowers a disgusted look, like any kid who was asking for a slap behind the head would. Goddamn middle schoolers, they were little monsters.Steve looked down on them, completely lost. “No?” He cringed, just thinking about bringing flowers to Ted Wheeler.Why would he be bringing flowers to Mr. Wheeler- What? Wha... Steve was flabbergasted, speechless as the curly-haired twelve-year-old dickhead came up to him.“Good.” The little shit snatched his flowers from his hands, marching up to his car without any care at all.“Hey- What the hell? Hey!” Steve cried out as he stood there, offended and dumbfounded by the kid’s audacity.“Nancy isn’t home.” He shot over his shoulder, like that would make Steve follow whatever that twelve-year-old brat wanted him to do for him.Oh great. Fucking perfect. Nancy was gone. Again. Steve should have known that she’d be elsewhere than here. She had disappeared with Jonathan a few weeks ago, and now she was doing who knows what somewhere that wasn’t in her house.She was gone like Ellie. Like Hopper who hadn’t even been at the cabin last night. Steve was stuck.What now?“Where is she?”“Doesn’t matter!” Jesus- Steve was ready to strangle that little fucker. “We have bigger problems than your love life.”Ouch.“Do you still have that bat?” The kid – Henderson, now that he took the time to remember – opened the passenger door and turned to the older boy with an impatient gaze, eyebrows raised expectedly.Yeah- Yeah he did. Steve always had it with him. He usually put it near his bed, but right now it was dumped somewhere in his truck, because it was the only thing keeping him from have a panic attack while driving in this godforsaken town. The shadows in the woods were running next to his car and he couldn’t ignore them, couldn’t outdrive them. That bat was very efficient against those flower-head monsters. But he wasn’t about to tell a twelve-year-old brat about his night terrors and his paranoia.“Bat? What bat?” He played it dumb. It was easier.“The one with the nails?” Henderson pointed at his trunk with an obvious tone, totally thinking that Steve was fucking stupid.Why?! Why did that kid want that bat?! Steve didn’t want to even know, okay?! He didn’t want to even think about it, about what that question implied. He didn’t want that nightmare to start all over again. He was already stressed out by normal things in life, like school and basketball practice and having to hide a psychic kid from the rest of the world because Hopper said so-“Why?”
Please God.
Steve was begging on his knees at this point.“I’ll explain on the way.”NO! Steve needed to know if he was going to run to his death again! For the love of God-“Now?” He asked, trying to keep some emotion apart from panic and annoyance out of his tone. Which didn’t work at all.“Now!”Goddamnit.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Steve couldn’t believe it. He stared ahead, Henderson’s lips tightly pressed together as he went through the entire range of human emotions. Anger succeeded terror, which had replaced total confusion at the kid’s story about his... lizard.His fucking lizard.Steve was astonished. Furiously so.“Wait a sec- How big?”This was a nightmare. There was no way in hell that he wasn’t living a nightmare right now.Henderson showed him, and Steve’s stomach dropped, the sudden urge to vomit everything he hadn’t eaten all day gripping at his throat like it wanted to choke him. The kid had kept a lizard – a goddamn weird-looking lizard – that apparently grew double his size in the last twenty-four hours or so.Steve was going to commit a crime.That stupid dipshit was going to be the victim. Henderson was going to die. Steve was going to murder his sorry ass-wHo thE FUCK kept a lizard to impress a GIRL?!You gave flowers to girls, or like- Whatever made them happy. Chocolates and shit.Not a fucking lizard.And Steve didn’t know any girl who liked lizards. Melody Grant had almost had a heart attack when Tommy had brought his gecko to school and threw it on her. It had been hilarious, but... mean. Steve regretted laughing about it now. She had cried a lot, Melody.But whatever now Steve was dealing with a middle schooler and not a wailing teenage girl. A middle schooler with a lizard.Jesus did that kid need help.And Steve was going borderline insane.Ellie was gone, and now there was a fucking mutant lizard who could be running around in the entire fucking town-Oh yeah- Also: the lizard ate Henderson’s cat. Its face opened up and fucking ATE the cat. Poor Mews. Mrs. Henderson was going to be heartbroken. Henderson had showed him the crime scene before they went to see the criminal, and Steve had been horrified.Guess who had to clean the blood off the walls and burry Mews’ corpse in the backyard?Exactly: not Henderson.Steve could still taste the metallic smell in the back of his tongue, cloying and clinging to him like he had committed that cat’s murder. The brunet had done what he could, but the blood would never come off the carpet. It was a lost cause. Steve just whished Mrs. Henderson would never ask questions. She would though, so Henderson would have to fabricate the best goddamn lie in his poor life to get her to drop the subject of dried blood the size of a cat on the floor of her son’s room.Maybe she’ll think Henderson killed the cat....Mmm-yeah no.Steve gave the kid a pointedly furious glare as he slammed his truck shut after having grabbed the metal studded bat, the exhaustion in his bones slipping away so that he could protect and be ready. He had a child to watch over, and now that he was about to kill another monster form this horrible dimension, he wasn’t taking any chances. He had to stay sharp. He had to be alert.Ellie wasn’t in town to kill those things with her mind anymore, thanks to his weak heart. Maybe he should have stood his ground and refused she go. She would have fucking crushed the cabin over his head, though, so maybe he did right to let her go. At least he knew she was safe with her sister. But their chances of survival were horribly reduced now. Steve had probably done the shittiest decision of his life when he decided to drive her to her sister, and now they were all going to die because of his weakness for those pouty eyes of hers.Great. Just- Great.He had to be ready for whatever would be coming to bite at his ass.The kid’s life depended on it.The kid looked ashamed – as he should – all the time, Steve feeling a little guilty to be so angry at him for thinking he had a great idea. But keeping a strange, non-identified lizard in his house was stupid. Henderson was supposed to be the smart one, from what Steve had gathered when they had all been forced to sit down and sign NDAs. His defense had been something about science and also to impress that girl from school.Steve needed to give him a few tips about how to woo a girl. Henderson was in desperate need of his advice, because no girl in Hawkins liked to be shown disgusting, eyeless slimy lizards that ate people’s cats!What had he done in his past life to deserve this? Steve was really revaluating all his life choices right now.The goddamn lizard wasn’t in the basement, of course.This was becoming worst and worst at every passing second. Steve just wanted to lie down and die because he knew that tonight was going to be a fucking clusterfuck, one way or another.
He didn’t because the floor was covered by wet, sticky lizard skin.Jesus Christ. This just kept getting better and better, huh?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dustin! This is Lucas. DO you copy?! Dustin?!“Well-well-well, look who it is.”The twerp sounded so smug and so irritated at the same time. Steve was impressed.-Sorry, man. My stupid sister turned it off.“Well, when you were having sister problems, Dart grew up again, he escaped, and I’m pretty sure he’s a baby Demogorgon.” The kid stated, strangely... very casually for someone talking about flesh-eating demons running around in the fucking woods.Steve was busy shoving shit out of his car, throwing the buckets of raw meat, the big canister of gasoline and a backpack out of his truck and on the ground while Henderson - the little shit - was having a lovely conversation with Sinclair, who sounded both out of breath and borderline maniac with panic. The curly haired boy sounded smug, and then frustrated, but Steve didn’t waste much time to think about a way to make him feel better. He had shit to do, okay?The things he did for the safety of suicidal little brats...-Steve?Why did that brat sound so unbelieving? Steve was wearing yellow rubber gloves, okay? He was fully committed to this, as furiously terrified as it made him feel. Maybe he should have gone to the toilet. He was ready to hunt some baby Demogorgon ass and kill it before it grew into its bigger, more terrifying – and more deadly – form.-Steve Harrington?Man, Steve was as flabbergasted as Sinclair. He really was. There was no way in hell that he would have thought he’d spend his Saturday hunting for demonic monsters with a curly-haired brat. No way. But here he was, and that kid had some balls sounding so dumbstruck since he hadn’t answer at all when the curly-haired boy had called in a ‘Code Red’. He had complaint about his friends all day, about how they hadn’t given sign of life for a while, how they had let Henderson down. Steve thought that deep down, the kid was terrified that they’d abandoned him.Then again, Steve had been abandoned so many times, he understood why that kid would be afraid of being alone. It was a slow death, in a way, because you couldn’t do anything about the feeling eating you away. You just watched people drifting away from you while you sank in the depths of your own darkness. It was scary. Steve knew that.Isolation was the worst. Humans weren’t meant to be alone. Steve was alone. Well- he just felt lonely most of the time, alone or surrounded. It had always been like that. You can’t fight an invisible enemy, and Steve enemy was himself, his own mind.He was abandoned by a lot of people very fucking fast. It was almost alarming.Almost.Henderson said something about binoculars, but the rest of it all was lost under the sound of his trunk slamming shut.“Alright come on.” He ordered and the brat followed without a fight.They let a trail of raw meat on the tracks, Steve praying silently that ‘Dart’ both would and wouldn’t pick up the bait, but he kept his worries for himself as Henderson rambled about girls and how he didn’t understand them. A stray thought went to Nancy and how things had ended between them.Though luck, buddy. Steve didn’t either.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Steve Harrington was... weird...That was Max’s first impression on him.Because the guy just... He had that weirdly chill energy of beach bums, back home, but also the very stressful panic of someone who looked ready to break apart at any given moment, and Max had no idea how that guy managed to function on a daily basis.And that was when you forgot about the bat full of nails poking out of his backpack. Was that blood? Max swore she could see dried blood.So.Steve Harrington was weird.Tired and weird.Annoyed and weird.Maybe he was used to it, like she was used to Neil banging Billy into walls.Max kind of felt bad for him.Billy...He had tried, in the beginning. To be nice, to be a real big brother. They had had fun, driving into the sunset with ice cream after an afternoon at the beach, Billy taming the waves and Max shaming the boys at the skatepark. It had been happy times. They used to be more like real siblings, before. Back home. Billy hadn’t been acting all aggressive with her, had even seemed to like her, smirking at her whenever she would give the bird to the dumbasses in the skatepark.But then it all went to shit, and Billy was blaming her for it.For Neil’s fury against him.She hadn’t known, she hadn’t even understood what she had seen, she had been a child. All she knew at the time was that Billy had been kissing, and she thought it had been uncharacteristically cute of him. Bill had always been big and mean in her eyes. Seeing him so soft for once was something she wanted to see more often. She hadn’t known that Neil would react the way he did. He had always been very nice to her, paternal. Max didn’t love him – he wasn’t her dad – because he had a weird vibe around him, and he looked... He looked unhinged. But she had had no reason to actively hate him.It hadn’t even crossed her mind that Billy wasn’t ‘normal’ because he was kissing a boy.She had seen boys do this, behind the skatepark, she had seen girls kiss in delight under the sun. Her dad had told her that it was something that happened, sometimes, and that those people loved the same way he loved her mom.It hadn’t been a horrifying sight to her to see Billy do it too. She had thought, like the stupid child that she had been, that it wouldn’t matter.She had grown up fast enough.The silence that had followed her innocent comment at the table, that day, had been freezing, heavy, suffocating. Like a snake trying to kill its prey, like she had seen in that documentary once. Curling and curling until it was too much.Deadly.That’s when she learned that Neil was a monster.That’s when she learned that Billy would never, ever, trust her again. That he would never forgive her.He was so angry, all the time, and she just… she hadn’t understood, why did he- Why couldn’t Billy see that she was sorry? That she hadn’t meant to destroy his life? He was just so full of fury, so pissed, at her, at Neil, at her mom, at the world. Max knew her mom was aware of what was happening between the two Hargrove men.Max knew her mom was a coward.And when she hadn’t even tried to speak against Billy’s unfair suffering... Max had seen a whole new side of her mom. She couldn’t believe that she was her mom. Max had known then that she should have stayed with her father, but the Court had decided otherwise. Susan Mayfeild had won custody of her child, and she didn’t even protect the other one in her house. She just lowered her eyes every time Neil would grab Billy by his hair and pull him out of the kitchen, Max trembling with fury and fear as she tried to lock eyes with Billy, who would just shoot her a warning look before grunting in pain at Neil’s violence.Max couldn’t believe that her mom had married that monster.She was a mother. Weren’t mothers supposed to protect children, no matter who had birthed them? Max didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why her mom didn’t do anything, why she just stood to the side, looking all sad and pitiful and ashamed?Billy hated her, Max knew that. He hated the woman he was forced to call ‘Mom’.Why didn’t she help Billy? Why did she just let Neil do this? Why-why-WHY?! Max didn’t understand why her mom accepted all of this, just scattering away whenever Neil would lose his shit about something that wasn’t Billy’s fault. She just ignored Billy’s pain, and she knew he hated her mom for it. The look in his eyes was enough to dig her grave. Max couldn’t stomach that fact that her mom would probably stay passive if Neil decided to turn his anger against her.But she couldn’t stop herself from testing him, just to see. If he could hit his own son, why didn’t he hit her? Or her mom? What was it about Billy that made Neil so hateful, so violent? Was it really only because he was ‘a fag’? Or was it because Neil was a piece of shit who thrived on violence abuse and power?She talked back, she slammed her doors. She did everything to annoy the man, one because she had never liked him, and he had called her dad a ‘fucking trash’, two because he hurt Billy. Neil was the fucking trash, okay? Not Max’s dad, and not Billy.Max felt bad, deep down, because she was doing things that could put Billy on the line, things that did put him on the line, but he was such an ass with her. All the time. He was always angry, always snaping at her, hurting her by grabbing her arm. He was doing all he could to make sure she knew he was blaming everything that had happened on her. That it was her fault if they were living in this hell. That it was her fault that Neil was punching his son bloody even more at each passing day.The dark part of her heart, that part that could be cruel when she really wanted to, really just did it because it felt like revenge on Billy. For the way he was acting with her. It was horrible, she knew. But she was just a child. She couldn’t fight Neil. Billy didn’t want her to fight him either, always shoving her away, always hissing at her warnings whenever Neil would get home drunk. Always growling at her to ‘shut the fuck up, Maxine, and go to your room. Don’t come out.’ before she’d hear muffled yelling and a violent ‘tud’. Billy would always push her away when Neil seemed to have a problem.Whenever he would get home with that look in his eyes.She always shoved music in her ears to not hear the punches. To ignore the banging of her bro- of Billy’s head in the walls of their too-small house. To forget that Billy was suffering. It was easier to forget. Billy had told her to ignore it, to act like nothing was happening. He had been very, very angry, and she had missed the way his fear had made his eyes look younger than he was.
But she would push back too. She couldn’t help it, to see if Neil would lose his shit or not, and to see who’d be his victim.Would it be her?Or her mom?Or Billy?It was always Billy.A loud rattling jumped-scared her, and she whipped her head around only to sigh in stressed relief. It was just Steve. He threw a scrap of metal against the bus, grumbling to himself out loud and messing with his famous hair by passing a hand in it. Barely two weeks here and even the redhead had heard about the infamous ‘King Steve’ who had apparently fell from grace. He looked a bit dumb, honestly, and if he really used to be the cool, popular dude around town, Max had no hopes for those farmers.He was cute though.Not like Lu- Stalker, but he was cute.Max titled her head at him, but he barely looked her way and went to put more metal around the bus, trying to build this barricade to stop... whatever they needed to stop from coming in the bus.
“So how does Dustin know you? Is it a small-town thing? Everyone knows everyone, right?” She asked, making the brunet turn to her with a bored look on his face, and she raised her eyebrows at him, giving him her best deadpanned stare.Steve was giving her a look that said ‘you remind me of someone annoying and I don’t enjoy this’, which she totally didn’t care about. Lucas – also referred as Stalker, if it hadn’t bee clear – had dragged her all the way to this creepy place, and then he had gone with Dustin God-knows-where, leaving her alone with this weird teenager. She was going to get answers. Even of she had to pull them directly out of Steve’s nose.“I didn’t really know Henderson. We see each other around town, but we didn’t really talk much before. I only did once, when this whole thing started. But yeah, everyone knows everyone in this goddamn town- Sorry, what’s your name again?” He asked, and she snorted, giving him an unimpressed smile.He couldn’t focus for shit, huh? Poor guy.“Max.”“Max.” He repeated, and then it was like some bulb had lit up in his brain. “Hargrove’s sister?”She ignored the clench of her heart, the stink of knowing Billy would never consider her his sister ever again. She really did try.“Step. Sister.” She growled out.A beat of silence followed her outburst.“...Right.” He gave her a look that communicated of how much he didn’t give a shit.“You know him?” Stupid question because there was no way this guy hadn’t met Billy.Steve’s face made a funny thing at that. He looked dissatisfied. Maybe slightly horrified? He was wincing but trying hard to hide it. His eyes were comically wide, with absolutely nothing being them, so Max guessed he was having war flashbacks or something. He eventually blinked away whatever weird thing he was thinking about to flatly glance at her.“I do.”“Sorry for this tragedy.” She drawled, her voice as flat as his expression.A choked snort startled out of the brunet and his eyes lit up with mirth. Max thought he really wasn’t that bad looking. He had great hair. Steve Harrington used to be this very popular guy in town. He was also loaded, with the big house and the fancy car. The right kind of preppy asshole Billy would have been in constant fighting with back in Cali.“You’re the one who has to live with him all the time.” He kicked some rock at the metal, the sound hollow while he looked at the treeline over the wrecked cars. “Besides, everybody knows everybody in this town, so it’s not that hard to make the link between the two new kids. Anyway, I just have to endure him at school. Looks like it’s your problem more than it is mine... Mad Max.” He looked disturbed by the manic grin – some residual habit she had taken from Billy because it was fun to see the bitches squirm with fear whenever she would smile like that at them – that spread on her lips, but didn’t comment on it.Steve was actually fun, if you could believe it. He wasn’t as boring as she thought he’d be. Mike had bitched about him thinking he was better than anyone else in this place because of who he was, but Steve seemed to be fed up for some reason, judging by the way he carried himself. He wasn’t exactly slouching, but he wasn’t trying to stay upright either. And his dismissive tone of voice was something that would make Mike explode. Max liked him even more because of it. Mike was a little shit, and he didn’t like her, not that she knew exactly why. It was as if her entire person was some personal offense to him or something like that. Maybe she could team up with this Steve Harrington to make Mike’s life impossible...Max still thought he was a dumb guy, but he didn’t seem like he was bothered by much in life. And he wasn’t looking at her like she was an attraction, or an alien. Like she was this exotic bird everyone wanted to see. Maybe because he had met Billy first....Yep. That would explain why.“So, you believe that crazy story about monsters in walls and girls with superpowers, then?”Small town people were the weirdest people on Earth. Max remembered the weird thing that happened on Halloween, with Will suddenly vanishing only for them to find him, completely freaked out, hiding in someone’s backyard.She also hadn’t missed the betrayed look in Dustin’s face when Mike dismissed them to go alone with Will. That’s why she didn’t like Mike very much. He was a little bitch.Steve hesitated, and it seemed more about keeping some things from her than because he was also skeptical about the crazy story Lu- Stalker had told her in the arcade.“Yeah, I believe it.”What?“Why? It’s just encouraging their stupidity, right?” She stressed out, hands flailing. “They think they’re living a real-life adventure about that boardgame they all play!”Boys were so dumb.But then Steve’s face fell, and Max suddenly thought that this whole thing wasn’t as much as a joke as she thought it was. He looked like he had seen hell itself rip the ground open under his feet, like he had fallen into this pit of monstruous darkness filled with agony and disembodied screams that Max always pictured when she thought about that place. The guy looked haunted by ghosts that seemed able to harm him. She wasn’t so sure about the whole thing.Were those boys really serious? Or were they lying? Steve wouldn’t looked so terrified and yet so dead inside over something that hadn’t really happened... right? Was he just faking it? Shit, maybe she shouldn’t have come tonight. Maybe she should have slammed the door in Stalker’s face and tell him to fuck off.“...I fought one of those monsters.” He finally answered, ripping her away from her thoughts and punching her back in reality.Max brain stalled, blinking twice at the guy who took the metal she was holding to put it against the window of the bus.“What?”“I wasn’t supposed to even know, but I did something stupid, as always, and then I was fighting a nine-feet-tall nightmare, and now here. We. Are.” He sounded disgusted and angry, like it was an inconvenience , like this was some personal offense to him, Max could appreciate this kind of pettiness when facing potential danger.Whatever this danger was. She didn’t believe those boys for one second. She didn’t want to.Monsters and superpowers? As if. Max was sure everyone in this place was crazy, so they invented this whole thing just to break free from the boring life they had. It was the only explanation. Or maybe they were all patients from an asylum, and they had escaped? Imagine that.“I still don’t believe you guys.”Steve stopped, full turning to face her, and he seemed to assert her, judge her, and Max scowled, which earned her an eyeroll from the brunet.“Well, I don’t expect you to. I still don’t understand it myself, really, and I would do anything to forget it even happened if it could give me one good night of sleep, but I gotta deal with it either way, so...” Max scrunched her nose, eyes narrowing at him, but he ignored her completely, giving her a flat look. “I also don’t understand why Sinclair decided to tell you, since we’re not supposed to talk about any of this to anyone, not even between ourselves.” He stopped then, seemly considering her with a complicated emotion on his face. “It’s not too late to go back, you know?”Did he think she would back down now? She was too curious to see how far they would all go to lie to her. She thought friends didn’t lie, so why were they lying to her? She wanted to be their friends, she really did, but they weren’t feeling the same, apparently.And to bring Steve Harrington into this... Maybe they had something on him, like... to blackmail him, and now he was their slave.“I’m not a chicken.” She sneered, crossing her arms and giving him a glare that Billy would have been proud of if that bastard knew how to do something else than be angry all the time.
Steve looked like he was at the end of his life and didn’t bother to care anymore as he stared down at her.“Of course you’re not.” He mumbled to himself with an exhausted eyeroll towards the darkening sky. “You kids are going to be the death of me, I swear to God... Alright, Mad Max.” He sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes. “I hope you’re ready.” He then turned his head towards the car where the two idiots were speaking in hush tones. She narrowed her eyes at them. “Hey! Dickheads!” Dustin and Stalker jumped, heads snapping towards the teenager who gave them a wide-eyed look. “How come the only one helping me out is this random girl?! Come on, we lose light in forty minutes. Let’s go. Let’s go, I said!”“Alright, asshole. God” Stalker grumbled while rounding the car where he and Dustin had been heatedly conversing with each other.“Okay! Stupid.” Dustin exclaimed, frustrated.Max snorted at the blatant ‘Mom Voice’ that Steve Harrington took to scold Stalker and Dustin while the two scrambled to help. They were all crazy and definitely weird, but they were funny, and Steve was nice. He didn’t treat her like a freak, or like a baby. He didn’t act like the older teenagers acted around the middle schoolers. He didn’t lash out when she was getting bratty just to test him. It was different.Max liked him.Max wanted to know if she could push the right buttons. She wanted to know what made Steve Harrington angry, to be prepared. She hadn’t been prepared for Neil’s anger, or even for Billy’s. This wasn’t a mistake she wanted to do again.“You know you look like a demented lion with that mop of hair?” She asked suddenly, just to see how he would react.She took great satisfaction in the way he snapped his head around to giver her a look of offended astonishment. That had her vibrate in her skin with barely contained mirth. A small smile broke the exasperation in his eyes.“You’re the one with the red mane, Mad Max.” He chuckled, and Max was unable to escape him when he reached out and ruffled the top of her head, the guy quickly side-stepping to avoid the kick aimed at his shins.“Hey!” She screamed and he ignored her with a smirk, the boys finally coming to give them a hand into getting this old-ass bus strong enough to hold back... whatever the hell they were going to see tonight.This was stupid. So freaking stupid.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The night seemed to weight down on them. The ground was covered in smog. He had heard Max compare it to the ocean, trying to not acknowledge the jealousy curling in his heart at the thought of Lucas being close with the new girl.It wasn’t the time for stupid, childish behaviour. It wasn’t the time for puppy love and dumb daydreaming for having a girlfriend. They were on a mission.A life-or-death situation.Dustin needed to get his head out of the fog of love and focus on the dangers lurking in the one not so far away from them.An eery feeling was floating in the junkyard as the kids paced restlessly in the bus, while Steve simply played with his lighter, staring into nothing like he was in some sort of trance.Dustin didn’t know how he could look so calm and collected and cool. Steve Harrington never seemed fazed by anything. He was untouchable, like he was above everyone. Really, when Will’s brother had fought him and won, everyone had been flabbergasted. Steve then had been with them for the whole ‘don’t speak or word of this or you will disappear under mysterious circumstances’ government talk, still heavily bruised and looking like he wanted to lay down and never move from there.He had apologized to Jonathan, stayed long enough to sign the NDAs, and then sped away like he had had the Demogorgon on his tail.And fair enough, he had had the Demogorgon at his heels previously that night, so Dustin couldn’t blame him for his hasty departure. Couldn’t blame his desire to forget all of this had even freakin’ happened.Steve had fought the monster and knocked it out long enough for Nancy and Jonathan to lit it on fire. Basically, Steve had killed that thing, even if one of its friends had managed to find a breach in their reality after that. El had disappeared right after killing the second Demogorgon.Dustin had always been fascinated by Steve Harrington.Not in a creepy way, but like, simply because the guy was the Steve Harrington, King of Hawkins High, former captain of the swim team and now top basketball star of Hawkins. He had every girl falling at his feet, a giant house with his own swimming pool, and a winning smile that he used to charm his way out of every tricky situation. Steve was everything Dustin wasn’t.Rich, popular, normal.Steve Harrington had always been this kind of alien in town. Everyone was so bland and all-the-same, Steve seemed to be made of pure freakin’ gold. Dustin would classify him as ‘charismatic’ and ‘smooth’. He wasn’t King for nothing, and even the kids in middle school knew the rumours about the high schoolers – because everyone was always jumping on treads of nasty gossip like lions fighting for the last chunk of meat – and mostly Steve Harrington. He was so rich he basically had million-dollar bills falling out of his pockets. He was richer than the Cunninghams, the Cravers, the Holloways. He was richer than the three of them combined. Dustin was sure of it. He was always looking high and mighty, and Dustin had always been aware that Steve was basically the blueprint of high school bullies. A jock, the kind of guy who would have been Dustin’s worst nightmare if they had been of similar age and if freakin’ demons screeching in the obscurity weren’t all the nightmare fuel the curly-haired boy needed to spend sleepless nights staring at his ceiling.But it had never stopped him from listening to the gossip about the older brunet though.And then... Dustin had seen the mask fall, after the attack of the Upside Down. Steve had changed then, became twitchy, had had bags under his eyes. He hid it very well, but Dustin had observed him closely. His shoulders were barely hunched, but Steve had stress in his spine that seemed to twist it into angles of anxiety. And no one had noticed. Nobody saw just how much Steve Harrington had changed. He was just so cool all the time, Dustin wished he could be friends with him.Steve Harrington as his friend would be like, so awesome!So now that Steve was sitting in front of him, snapping the lid of his lighter shut and open, shut and open, open and shut, with a far away look in his eyes. He looked a little spooked out of his mind right now. Dustin wanted to continue their previous talk. Receiving advice from Steve was – the boy was certain – just like receiving a command from God.It would distract them both from the upcoming danger of Dart, at least.Steve had given him advice, tricks, to woo girls. He had even gone as far as to trust Dustin with the secret for his perfect hair. Dustin felt very special to be the only one to know that Steve Harrington used Farah Fawcett hairspray to style his famous mane.It felt like they were friends.Steve’s gaze shifted from his lighter to Dustin when the boy came to stand in front of him, one critical eyebrow raised questioningly.Dustin had a question itching at him, like a mosquito bite, and he needed to get it out of his chest:“Do I have to fight Lucas?”Steve made a face of pure confusion and stunned amazement at that, judging him hard. Dustin huffed, frustrated that the older boy didn’t understand why he was asking the question.“For... her.” The words came out like Dustin had shit in his mouth, awkward and jerkily.He knew Steve had understood his feelings for Max.She was just so freakin’ cool and badass and different.How could he not be a little attracted to the redhead?And he had to fight his best friend for her. It felt like he was on a quest to win the princess heart and knowing he would never. Max seemed to be much closer to Lucas than she was with Dustin. And it hurt a little, like a pinch at his heart, to know, deep down, that girls would prefer someone who wasn’t a big nerd. Lucas was a nerd, but her didn’t appear as such. Not as much as the curly-haired boy. Dustin wasn’t ashamed, but girls weren’t really flocking around him for his looks either.Something like guilt and regret flashed in Steve’s eyes. It was gone just as quickly as it had come. Dustin figured it was because he was thinking about his own fight with Jonathan for Nancy. A whole fiasco that had ended up with him as the loser. Maybe he felt like his pride was bruised. Or maybe not. Dustin couldn’t guess what was going on in Steve’s head right now, his face devoid of emotions like anger. Or resentment. Steve was just... stoic.And it was weird.Probably some defence mechanism.“No...” He trailed off, lost in thought, in memory. “No girl is worth abandoning your friends.” He swallowed, fingers clenching and unclenching. “Not even the one you think is the right one.”
Steve had abandoned his friends for a girl-Oh.
Oh.
Right.Yeah, no. Dustin admitted that Steve was right. He didn’t want his friendship with Lucas to be… to end up like Steve, Carol, and Tommy. They used to be like the Three Musketeers. The famous trio used to be the hot shit in town, the coolest people, the triumvirate of Hawkins High. Even the freakin’ seniors used to treat them like royalty when Steve was in his junior year. And even before that. And now Steve wasn’t King anymore – even if Dustin thought it was bullshit – while Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins were still leeching on popularity. It was bullshit because Steve was still King.Unofficially.He would always be King of Hawkins. That was like, in his DNA. The little boy had eyes. He saw the looks in girls’ eyes, heard the gossip about ‘King Steve’ being single again and the questions about who would be the one to heal his poor little broken heart. Every girl secretly wanted to be the special one, to be his Mrs. Right ever since Nancy Wheeler had dared to dump ‘The King’.Dustin noticed the wondering about the two top dogs of Hawkins High. Everyone was curious as to the future, and every time Steve Harrington and that Californian bastard would pass each other in the parking lot, the air was electric. Would they fight for the title? Would they not? They clashed, like fire and ice, violently hot and brutally freezing, aggressive versus indifferent, everywhere, and it had been two weeks. The bomb hadn’t dropped yet, but it would soon. Dustin could feel it.Billy Hargrove was just another brand of asshole all together, and new stuff was always exciting. But... Only for a while... right? Dustin always ended up getting bored of his new toys because they weren’t new anymore. Hopefully the blond dickhead that was Billy Hargrove would like, do the same. People would stop feeling the high of having something new and different in this town.But then again, nobody had ever stopped being obsessed by Steve Harrington so maybe they wouldn’t stop licking the Californian moron’s boots.Dustin didn’t like him – more like loathed him – because he had tried to run him and his friends over last week, when they had been on their way to school.Steve could rule the school again. It’s just that he didn’t want to. Dustin had observed him in the past year, and that was his conclusion.Steve Harrington didn’t care for high school drama anymore.The Upside Down really had changed their perspectives on life. On what was important. Steve simply didn’t care anymore, or at least that’s what Dustin was guessing. Maybe Steve still cared. Maybe not. It didn’t really matter because Steve wasn’t trying to go back to the top of Hawkins High food chain of popularity.Never really had dropped the ladder all that much, honestly, but people never really knew how to approach the brunet. Dustin had the advantage of having been in contact with alternate universes and creatures from hell, like Steve had, so they had that in common, and Dustin was basking in the feeling of knowing Steve Harrington more personally than the two third of this freakin’ town.
He was kinda morbidly happy that they had almost died in a pretty similar way last year. It was a subject they weren’t even allowed to talk between themselves but did anyway because fuck the government and then trying to undermine his right to free speech. Having faced a nine-foot tall horror kind of created a bond between them all, and the little brunet wanted to connect with Steve with this.Surely talking about shared trauma- as Hopper had called it once during their sleepover at Mrs. Byers – would be a great technique.Dustin saw no flaws in his logic. His plan was perfect. Foolproof. It was freakin’ brilliant, okay?Dustin himself refused to go to the basement alone anymore. Not if all the lights weren’t open, and when he had to go down the stairs under his mom’s worried eyes – she didn’t understand why he was scared of the dark suddenly, and it’s not like he could explain, could he? – when he always faltered when his foot would make the step creak, it took him all his courage to do so. He was barely careful not to trip on his way back up, the darkness in his back reaching for him like tendrils, like he had demons chasing after him.It wasn’t easy.He had nightmares. About his friends dying. El was gone, and he was terrified that she was trapped there, in that place. Dustin was very, very afraid for her. He would often imagine terrible scenarios. What if she had been killed? Or worse: what if she was alive and surviving in this hellish place. Will had vivid nightmares about it still. He would wake up crying sometimes, when they had a sleepover at one of their houses. They had a lot of those. It felt better to not be alone in the dark. They were all worried for her. For their friend, who had badass powers and all, but was still small and vulnerable. It had been a year since Eleven had disappeared along that second Demogorgon, and now Dart was here, growing and eating...Flesh.Dart was eating raw, bloody flesh.Of his killings.A shiver ran through him, and it didn’t go unnoticed. Steve straightened, alarmed and worried, and Dustin was happy to see that the guy was so dedicated to keeping him safe. The way he had watched them all wreak havoc like they had severe cases of dementia, demanding to know about what had happened for the government to fuck up so bad, Dustin thought that Steve Harrington wasn’t one to like children.But they weren’t children anymore. Not little ones. Though Will was tiny. No matter, Dustin judged that at twelve, they were more teens than kids, so maybe that was why Steve was less annoyed to babysit them. Because he had ended up babysitting them all, last year, when the adults and Nancy and Jonathan were busy talking with the Feds. Steve had stayed behind, probably because he wasn’t super involved in all of this. He had watched the boys, sitting on Mrs. Byers half destroyed couch, dazed and alert at the same time, the nailed bat resting against his calve.
Dustin couldn’t blame him for the sort of vegetative state he had been in. He had found out that very night about monsters and labs and superpowers, after all.Now they were here, a year later, waiting for a monster lurking in the dark to jump on the beef they had dumped in the middle of the junkyard.“Do you miss them?” Dustin asked, squatting in front of Steve, arms crossed on his knees while the older brunet’ hands hung loosely over his own. “Your friends? Tommy and Carol.”Steve inhaled sharply, holding it a little like he wanted to find his words, head thumping on the side of the bus. His eyes were unmoving, staring at the ceiling.“Yes. I do miss them.” He admitted in a murmur, sorrow in his eyes, and Dustin felt super bad for him.He looked miserable.Steve Harrington was rich and cool and handsome, but we didn’t see his parents often. It was rare that the Harringtons would grace Hawkins with their noble presence. Even Dustin knew it, because nobody was safe from the town’s gossip grapevine, but mostly because Hopper would grumble furiously about them. Steve’s mom wasn’t from America, apparently, so she had no care for this backwater place stacked between a forest and a highway. Steve’s dad used to be to Hopper what the Californian mullet freak was to Steve: a rival, an enemy, a dick. Hopper used to be this somewhat handsome, kinda popular guy, in high school, once upon a time.Dustin had a hard time believing it. He was sceptical about this. He needed proof. Hopper had not brought any forward yet.“I miss them, but they were assholes.” The little boy blinked at the sudden steel in Steve’s voice, his eyes hard and freezing while he glared at the void. “They are assholes still. Bullies. I used to be like them, I’m well aware of that, but I changed. I grew up. They’re stuck in fifth grade. And now they’re licking someone else’s boots.”Dustin made a face at that, earning him a chuckle from Steve, and they both exchanged a smirk of complicity. Tommy and Carol were licking very dirty boots. Disgusting.A powerful and terrifying roar cut short the friendly atmosphere floating around them all, Steve twirling on his feet, smooth like a dancer. Dustin had pure panic shooting up his veins while they both pressed their faces in the fencing of the bus windows. They scanned the fog frantically, seeing nothing.“Lucas, what’s going on?” He shouted at his friend, who was slow as hell and hadn’t start looking for Dart yet. That’s how people died in horror movies. Because they were stupidly slow. And just dumb. The Party was neither, so Lucas was seriously lacking right now, and Dustin thought it was unacceptable, but they were going to kill a Demogorgon baby soon, so Dustin was focusing on something stupid to stop this dreading feeling from taking over his rational mind. He had to focus.A low growl rose from the fog and Oh my God...“I’ve got eyes! Ten o’clock! T-ten o’clock!” The black boy stuttered, and Dustin’s body felt numb all over. He was going to be sick.
Oh my God. Oh my God, oh shit. Shit-shit-shit!
“There.” Steve pointed a dark mass in the greyish background, unsettlingly calm, but Dustin could feel the way he tensed up, the way he forced himself to relax and breathe.They were all terrified, the demonic chitters of the creature – of Dart, his friend Dart – sounding like someone was dragging a wooden stick against metal bars. It was clear that whatever was out there wasn’t a wolf. And Max was still doubting the existence of parallel dimensions.But the monster wasn’t moving.What was it doing?Steve didn’t know either what the monster was doing. Steve didn’t know- WHAT WAS HE DOING? WHY WASN’T HE TAKING THE BAI-“He’s not talking the bait.” Steve pointed the obvious, still looking uncommonly cool and self-composed, but voice speeding up at each word out. “Why isn’t he taking the bait?”Was it a rhetorical question?Dustin was trying to hold on to sanity right now.“Maybe he’s not hungry?” The little curly-haired boy expressed his hypothesis.There was a single beat of tensed, sickening silence.“Maybe he’s sick of cow.”Another heartbeat of silence.Dustin had alarms screaming in his head, getting truly panicked when Steve took a step back, chest heaving, staring into nothing with a million expressions passing in his eyes until it settled for suicidal determination. Dustin saw the moment he made his decision. Dustin didn’t like the decision.
Oh no.
Another heartbeat of horror.Steve turned around, hand aiming for his bat, and the door.The little boy, the child, the terrified child, called out to him, panic and desperation making his voice wobble a little. Dustin was so scared. He was so scared, so weak, and now Steve was going to die. He was going to die stupidly, looking all majestic and heroic with his stupid Farah Fawcett-ed hair haloed by the moonlight and Dustin hated how things were turning. Steve would be meeting the monster head on, like at the Byers, like last year, and Dustin couldn’t be more in awe of him. Steve Harrington was batshit crazy, ready to die to protect the ‘little twerps’ he was pretending he didn’t like, and Dustin loved him.He clutched Steve’s lighter, held on to it like it was his lifeline, cold sweat raining down his back. He needed to go to the bathroom.The fog was so thick you couldn’t see in front of your feet, and Steve was walking straight into it, bat swinging to dismiss the heavy mist, raising it strong and firm next to his head, ready to smash it down on some Demogorgon baby’s head. He was so cool. Dustin was in total worship of this idiotic, noble, dumbass guy.Whistling after the beast was probably a very bad, moronic idea.“What’s he doing?” Max’s stressed-out question couldn’t disturb Dustin from his worshiping.“Expanding the menu.”Steve was two steps away from the pile of meat.“He’s insane.” The redhead breathed.Dustin couldn’t help the grin from breaking his awe-struck expression.“He’s awesome.” He wanted to laugh as Steve finally managed to make the fog evaporate from their line of sight.What greeted Steve was a very angry-looking – oh shit-shit-shit! He had shed skins again – Dart, growling and stomping on the dirt, getting ready to ponce on the teenager.And then everything went to shit.“Steve! Watch out!”“A little busy here!”“Three o’clock! Three o’clock!” Lucas’ voice cracked with terror; the kind of terror Dustin had in his heart at the realization that they travelled in packs.Please don’t let it be true-“Steve! STEVE! ABORT! A-ABORT!” He screamed to the point of ripping his vocal cords apart, opening the bus door with a harassing noise of scrapping metal. “STEVE COME BACK!”Please! Don’t die! Don’t die.Dusting was feeling cold and hot at the same time, watching Steve duck and do a sick-ass flip over a car, rolling to his knees and springing on his feet with the energy of desperation. He hit one of them square in the face, the thing reeling back with a wet, gurgling snarl, and he took off like the wind.Weren’t swimmers supposed to be shit at running? Dustin thought that was the whole point of them swimming instead of doing any other sport.Steve had to swing his bat behind him, holding to it firmly and not faltering in his speed, to avoid being killed again, the three kids screaming.
Hurry.
Hurry.
Go faster- RUN!
Dustin stared in horror as the dogs – they looked like rabid, faceless, demonic dogs – ran after him, practically liking his heels. If Steve was to trip even a little...The door rattled stridently as their bodies collided with it, claws that could so easily dig into flesh scratching violently at the armoured façade of the bus, the clamor of the beast and of the kids creating a kaleidoscope of pure chaos. They were going to die. They were all going to die.“Are they rabid or something?”NO! THEY WERE FUCKING HUNGRY!AND THE FOUR OF THEM WERE THE MAIN COURSE! MEWS WAS JUST AN APPETIZER!Dustin was on the verge of tears, wailing internally like a pathetic baby.JESUS CHRIST-Steve was barely holding them back with an additional sheet of metal pressed over the door, and they yelled in fear when the vehicle swayed. What if they managed to roll the bus on the side?! WHAT IF THEY MANAGED TO GET IN?!A heartbeat of nothing. A horrendous, sickening moment of stillness-They screamed again, the clawed arm of one screeching monster getting through the metal, Steve jumping in fright and immediately smashing the bat down in it, yelling and pounding while he ordered them all the go to the back of the bus, hitting the demons with his feet, tired and terrified.Would they ever see the light of day again?Coming here was a terrible idea.Dustin felt the burning of his panic and his desperation, of his exhaustion, bubbling in his chest and threatening to fall into tears down his face. Nobody was there. Nobody was answering the radio. They were alone. Alone and scared and about to meet God. Dusting was going to lit Him on fire. They couldn’t die like this. Dustin couldn’t believe that it was the end. They were too young. He still hadn’t won his Nobel prize.He wanted his mom. Dustin wanted to be in his bed, with his mom’s fingers treading in his curly hair while she hummed some song Gran-Gran used to sing to her when she was little. He wanted to cry, his knees weakening, and Steve was starting to slow down, his swings wider and they were going to die-Max wailed, a sob and a scream, and Dustin saw the monster stalking down on them, petal mouth opening with so many teeth-They were gone.They were gone. They were alive.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She stared into the mirror, the dark make-up and slick back hair making her look bitchin’.They were going to see a bad man. Ray Caroll. The man who hurt Mama. She had seen him, with her, and Papa.They were going to hurt him back. Like he had done to Kali, and Ellie. The little brunette didn’t know if it was right. If she should do it. Jim wouldn’t mind all that much, she believed. He had headbutted Papa – he told her – once, and she had laughed a lot when she had heard the story. Steve would understand – because he always understood and explained things to her when she didn’t know what they were – her anger. He would understand her desire to hurt the bad man.It scared her a little. Just how easy it felt to feel angry. To feel this urge to hurt. Ellie wasn’t a monster – her friends had promised her she wasn’t. Friends don’t lie – at all, she knew that, but sometimes, she knew she wasn’t good either. Not in the way Papa said she was, but... Killing people wasn’t a good thing. Spying on them wasn’t right. Ellie had killed before. She knew the feeling of death. It was like a snap, like a whip. A snap of a neck, a snap of her fingers.Quick.Brutal and painless.It was better to die fast than to suffer an eternity. It was mercy.Ellie still felt dirty, sometimes, because she had killed. Like she had rolled in sand and mud and blood. There was so much, on her hands, she could see it sometimes, painting her skin red all the way up to her elbows. She had woken up in panic a lot, the dead crawling after her, the dislocated bones and the tears of blood making her wail with fright.Steve would take her hands, make her look at his eyes – they had the same eyes – without wavering and tell her that she was not a monster. Tell her she was not a killer. He would hug her tight, and she would melt in his light, not the shimmering warm of his affection, of his safety.She missed him.And Hopper.She didn’t want to admit it, but she did miss the gruffy policeman. He was gentle, if a little rough around the edges, and he cared. Kali wasn’t as convinced, but Ellie knew he cared deeply. That was why he had her stay in the cabin.But the cabin was too small. The walls... They closed in on her more and more every day. The world was so big, and there was so much life everywhere, and Ellie had been trapped.Again.And again.She didn’t want to stay forever in the cabin, even if Steve would always spend time with her, doing his ‘homework’ while she would watch him with confused curiosity, the TV playing in the background, Hopper making something barely edible in the kitchen but trying hard.It felt... good. Like having a family. A real one.It had been warm, and now she was feeling a little cold.Kali’s friends were fun, and the dancing man was weird, but they weren’t like them. They did not have a number.They weren’t family.They were outcasts, misfits. Ellie understood that they were criminals. Papa had explained the concept to her. Hopper’s job was to catch criminals.Kali’s life wasn’t one that he would approve of. Steve hadn’t liked her. Ellie had felt it. The little sour taste in her mouth when she ‘plugged’ into his mind filter told her so. Steve also didn’t like Dottie, but Dottie – no matter her crazy hair – was also very cool and talkative, even if she looked like she had spent some time in the dryer after a day under the rain.Ellie distractedly listened to her sister’s planning for the night, the route they would take, the exact time they would arrive and exit. If everything went to plan, the bad man would be dead before the last strike of midnight.Finding him was easy. A picture, a memory, a location. She had him.Ray Caroll lived nearby. An hour east. And Kali wanted her day to be fun. Ellie didn’t really understand what she meant, but there had been talks about ‘new ride’ and ‘plates’, and then her make-over had been discussed. Ellie now stood next to her sister, waiting for the plan to be reviewed one last time before they would depart.The ride was filled with loud music and exciting dancing, heads bopping to the electric beat and hands drumming on invisible instruments. Steve did that a lot, when Hopper would put a vinyl on the record player. Ellie thought Steve’s style of music was less… energic. But Ellie liked to slower melodies when she would go to sleep. And Hopper would hum low, blindingly, the brunets letting the low baritone lull them to slumber....Ellie missed them.But she had to stay with Kali. Kali understood her in a way nobody else could. Her rage was like Ellie’s. Her fears too. They shared this as sisters.They had to find Ray Caroll, and make him pay.The convenience store they stopped by was deserted, the man’s toilets flooding thanks to Kali’s illusion, and Ellie’s feet led her to the holy yellow box of industrial waffles. One wasn’t enough. She had to take all the boxes, even if the pile of Eggos she had claimed as hers barely fitted in her arms.She knew it wasn’t right to steal, but this was a serious situation, and serious problems required serious solutions.“Hey!”Ellie froze, turning around to see the man holding a gun, the click of the safety being released echoing loud in her ears. Her heart was beating wildly, the canon pointed at Axel’s chest. This wasn’t good. It could turn very ugly, very bad.Kali spoke up, making herself the next target. Her voice was firm, and she was keeping her calm, hands raised next to her to appease the nervous man:“Put. The gun. Down.” She ordered while the gun twitched in front of her.He was threatening Kali. He was threatening her sister.This could not be.Ellie screamed, using her powers in a burst of rage, and the man collided with the wall, crumpling on the floor, boneless.The little brunet stared at him, the others in her back probably looking at the scene like she was a freak, but it was okay. Kali was there, and they were all freaks anyway.The police sirens wailing in the distance got them moving, the adrenaline pumping like a drum in her veins. Ellie smiled when Dottie and Axel laughed like demented clowns, Mick stressing in the front while Kali whooped, Funshine simply chuckling with an amused wiggle of his eyebrows.This had been fun.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ray was watching television. Nobody else, she saw nobody else.The lock on the door slid open.They were in.They slipped into the apartment, quiet like death, Ellie shutting the TV off. The world suddenly slowed down, every step felt like the steady beat of a drum, echoing like thunder in her ears. Her heart was beating so fast it could run away. Ellie stared at the bad man, unsure of what would come next but knowing exactly what she wanted to do to him.When he noticed that his home had been invaded, his first reaction was to run to the hallway, but Funshine was blocking the way. Ray took nervous steps back, whimpering already while the other big, tall man asked him politely to sit down, shoving him down roughly. The others wandered in the apartment like thieves, the two sisters staying standing in front of the bad man, Funshine standing guard by the door.Ellie studied him, his terrified eyes jumping around, sensing his pulse quicken with panic as the noises of Dottie and Axe searching the place rumbled all around them. She caught flashes of desperation, anger, of ice-cold dread, of begging panic. Ellie frowned, not understanding all the swirl of emotions thundering in his mind, unable to really pick up on specific feelings and images that were raging like a tornado.Ray was a mess, to put it shortly.Kali seemed more than satisfied of that fact.Threatening a bad man felt good. It felt like when she was using her powers, strong and tall. Ellie didn’t know what to do with that feeling. With the euphoric rush of power she had over this big, bad man. Seeing him cower in fright, stumble back on his chair with terror, it was satisfying.And Ellie was scared of the darkness in herself at that moment, but her desire for justice- for revenge, took over her morals.“Please- please. Just take what you want!” He begged, and Ellie again felt that confliction of emotions swirling in his heart.Axe cooed to him that they would, they would take what they want, Dottie demanding to know where his wallet was, and then the sisters were left standing in front of Ray, his eyes jumping between them both with nervousness, dreading uneasiness.Kali took her mask off, revealing her face to the bad man, and Ellie followed suit after an encouragement, their eyes dark and threatening. Ray looked positively confused.“Do you remember us?” Kali asked, voice calm and low, sounding dangerous.Like Hopper when he mentioned Papa. Or anyone he thought deserved a punch in the face.Like Steve’s Papa.Hopper sounded like that when he wanted to punch Steve’s Papa in the face.Ray did not remember them.The lights flickered, the bad man breathing so heavily it filled the otherwise silent room, and then Ellie was six years old again, and her sister barely eleven, both suddenly children, scared and ripped from their innocence, left standing in front of a man who had tortured them.“What about us? Do you remember us, Ray?” She repeated with an eerily soft tone, the lights flickering again to show just how much they had grown, and Kali struck him.He fell to the floor, whimpering in pain and fright.Ellie’s compassion died the moment she saw his face, the moment she remembered everything he did to her, to her siblings. If Kali existed, there were – used to be – others. This wasn’t a human. Ray was not kind; he knew nothing about love. Ray was a monster. He hurt Kali. He hurt Ellie.“You hurt Mama.” She growled out, and the man went flying.She didn’t feel any guilt when he yelped in pain, grunting as he slip down the wall to hit the flooring like a sac of potatoes. She didn’t feel anything but dark fury and rotting disgust as she gazed down at him. There was something clawing inside of her chest, tight and painful and slick, nauseating. It hurt. It hurt so much. She wanted to get rid of that suffering, this agony. She wanted to get rid of him.He needed to die.He deserved to die.He tried to win time for himself, crawling away from the advancing psychic child her had tortured, bleeding with tears in his eyes, begging shakily to them to wait, please, just wait.“I did what he told me to do.” He cried, promised, and Ellie was sure it was bullshit. But she couldn’t help the doubt curling in her heart. He couldn’t be talking about- “He said she was sick.”Kali’s anger raged like the rumble of thunder in the Upside Down, sharp like a Demogorgon’s teeth. She didn’t believe him. Kali was blinded by hatred.Ray had had a choice. He took the wrong one.
I can help you find him.
Ellie’s world bended backwards then, and she felt like she was falling down-down-down into a pit of darkness. Everything slowed and then reality ran away from her. She was trapped in the Tank again, trapped in the Void with a monster running after her and roaring in her nightmares.He couldn’t be- No it was-She didn’t want to believe it, but she knew exactly who he was talking about.“Papa... is gone.”She had to believe it, she had to hold on to this hope. He couldn’t be alive, she had heard the monster kill him, she knew he couldn’t have escaped.Nobody could escape the monster.Steve had killed one, she had slaughtered the other.Will had hid from it.Papa couldn’t be alive.No. No-no-NO!Ellie was getting overwhelmed. Kali’s anger, Ray’s desperation, and her own desire to refuse, to beleive this was a nightmare and not reality, was getting too much. It- Keeping the illusion up while knowing it had irrevocably shattered, was getting too much. It was too much!
NO!
Do it, Jane.
She didn’t- She didn’t know what to-
Do it.
But he wanted to help-
JANE!
Her name was Ellie.And he deserved to die.Chocking a man was easy, so easy. Feeling the rush of her powers flow through her was, again, amazing.Die.
Die.
Die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die!
She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream.Ellie didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know how to get rid of this horrible, oily feeling sticking to her skin. It was acid poured in her veins, burning through her and it hurt, but she could only find release – relief – in the death of this monster.
Not too quick. Make him suffer. Like your mother suffered. Like you did.
Don’t show mercy, Jane.
Her name was Ellie.She couldn’t falter, she couldn’t be weak. Weakness was rewarded with pain, and Eleven was not weak. Papa loved her because she was his most wonderful success. Hopper-He loved her.Without- without conditions.He would be so sad. So angry. To see what Ellie was doing.Hurting someone out of revenge.Falling prey to her own demons.Steve would be terrified, but he would understand... Right? Steve wouldn’t judge her. He would try to help her, but Steve would not be happy with what Ellie was doing right now.Her resolve wavered a little and that’s why she saw it.A picture.Of two little girls.
Sisters.
Daughters.
Children.
He had a family.The horror of the realization shook her like a storm in a desert. The sands of guilt barreled against her heart. It was like glass had shattered in her head, and like black goo was oozing in her throat.She couldn’t kill him.She couldn’t do that to his children. As much as she wanted him gone, she couldn’t do it.Killing the bad men had never been hard. They hurt her, they deserved to die. She had always made it quick and simple, because there were no complications thrown into the mix. The bad men had never had families, children, people they cared about. They did not care about her, so why would she?But now Ray had two girls.Daughters.They wouldn’t understand. They would understand that their father was a bad man, that he had hurt other children.Ellie suddenly understood that there was always another side in people. That they weren’t all black or white, that even the most evil monster could love. That the purest of hearts could be corrupted.
He had children, whom he loved. That’s what he had been trying to say, what he had struggled to croak as she choked him. He had begged for mercy, in the hopes of seeing his daughters live. His children were innocent. Ellie couldn’t kill him. She couldn’t rob those innocents of their father. She couldn’t destroy a family.Her rage clashed with her honour, the moral Hopper had thought her, the goodness Steve had explained to her, knowing she had to do the noble thing. She had to forgive, and not avenge.She didn’t want to forgive. She wanted to let her pain and her fear – her anger – explode, to let it fall upon her enemies – the bad men, Ray, all of them – to watch them suffer as she suffered. She wanted them to feel her terror, wanted to feel them cower under the pressure of her fury. Ellie wanted to kill them all.It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. Ellie hated the feelings fighting in her heart. Hopper and Steve would understand. They would tell her that she had the right to be angry. It wasn’t a bad thing, and she needed to get it out of her chest. They would tell her it was valid to feel as such.But she had no rights to kill Ray.He had a family.And Hopper had explained that criminals needed to face justice.Sometimes, justice was prison, and other times, it was death.But Ellie couldn’t be the one to decide for this. She had the let him go.She had to let go.The rage was... too much. It was too much.She needed to let it go. She wouldn’t be free either way.Kali’s voice dragged her out of her panicking spiralling: “What’s wrong?”Dottie was the one answering, somewhere far away.“Kids. In the apartment.” She sounds out of breath, stressed, panicked.Ellie cannot kill him.“Did he show your mother mercy? No.”She couldn’t kill him. Even if he hurt Mama without remorse. She couldn’t kill a loving father. Because he did. He loved them without any conditions, like Hopper loved Sara, like he loved Ellie. Ray loved his daughters.“He took her from you. Without hesitation.”She hated him.Ellie hated him.He had hurt Mama, had hurt Ellie and Kali and the others, but she also understood that it was very hard to say ‘no’ to Papa. He was an imposing man, a dangerous man. You couldn’t refuse him without big consequences. Bad consequences.She could not kill him, no matter how much she wanted to.He had been forced to obey. Like Ellie had been forced to kill men who spoke a weird language.Ray was not the monster.Papa was.She couldn’t let her hatred and rage poison her. It would fester, rot. It would take roots in her heart and turn it black, turn it into the cold touch of death. Ellie would lose herself. The rage would consume her kindness, the one Joyce promised she had. She missed her. Her warmth, like Steve’s warmth, like Hopper’s. She missed-She missed their light.As tired as they were, as terrified and worried, their love was unconditional, untainted. It was the most striking thing Ellie had discovered when she had escaped the lab. That lightness, that kindness. Offered without wanting anything back. Nothing but trust and love back. It wasn’t hard to give that to someone. It was just... normal.And now Ellie was slipping. She was breaking her ties with this kindness. And she had to stop.She could not turn into Kali.The obsession for vengeance... Ellie understood it. She wanted justice. For her family. For herself.“K, we gotta go! They called the cops!”But there was a way to seek justice.“We need to get out of here now!”And this wasn’t the way.“We finish this first!” Kali screamed back before turning to face her sister. “Jane, now!”Her name. Was. ELLIE.She didn’t let Kali kill Ray.She wasn’t a monster.Ellie wasn’t a killer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Kali was angry with her. She felt betrayed.Ellie felt bad. She knew Kali didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why Ellie chose mercy.It was fine. People didn’t have to always agree, but Kali couldn’t force Ellie to abide by her rules. The little brunette had been obliged to obey all her life, and even if some people had done it for her own protection, she was fed up.Kali’s concerns came from fear.She was trapped in her past. She hadn’t healed. She had created an illusion for herself to believe she wasn’t festering from the inside out. Kali needed to look inside her heart and see what Ellie realized: her sister was not okay.Ellie was staring into nothing. Emptiness laid in front of her unblinking gaze, and between a second and the next, she was in the Void.A piercing screech broke the silence, and she jumped in terror when she recognized the monsters. They were small, smaller than the Demogorgons, but she knew what they were.“STEVE!” Dustin’s voice thundered desperately around her in the emptiness of the Void.He brushed past her shoulder, glaring into the foggy darkness stretching in front of him, a bat full of nail clutched with a death grip in his hand, the gravel under his shoes grinding like the coffee grains Hopper used to make his brown, hot beverage in the mornings.He didn’t see her.He couldn’t see her.“Steve?!” She called out to him, hand reaching for him, only for his image to dematerialize in smoke when she brushed his arm.
No! Steve!
Come back!
The beasts were close. Too close, and she knew Steve was marching up to them, to protect. Always to protect. He was protecting-Dustin was in the bus entrance, Lucas and Mike trying to climb over him to somewhat get Steve to come back faster, the girl – the girl Mike had been smiling to – looking terrorized out of her mind, her hair of fire – which were really beautiful, but... still. She was trying to steal Mike from her – following the frantic shaking of her head and her hand signs for the older brunet to-“Run!”“ABORT- ABORT! STEVE!”Ellie screamed along them, heart beating in her throat, ran along Steve as he dodged from monstrous attacks, the claws grazing him enough for a spike of pure terror to shot down his sister’s spine.Run.
Run.
RUN!
She fell.As her hands and knees touched the water, the gigantic mouth of a monster opened under her and swallowed her. Ellie wailed, throwing her arms around her head and palms open to repel the teeth from sinking into her flesh, and they closed in on her-“Hey, it’s uh... It’s me.”Hopper.Jim-
Dad!
Ellie searched for him.
Dad?! Where are you please-
“I know that I’ve been gone too long, and uh... It’s- I just... I want you to know that it’s not about you and it’s not about our fight. Okay?” He was promising, he was assuring her he wasn’t angry.Dad...She missed him. She missed them all so much.“Something came up, and I will- I will explain it all when I see you. I just- I want you to know that I’m not mad.”He wasn’t mad. Dad wasn’t mad that she had screamed, and hurt him because her rage had been too much. He wasn’t mad that she had disappeared. Did he even know? He wasn’t mad about their fight. Ellie wasn’t mad either.She just wanted to see him again.“I’m just sorry.”“Me too, Dad... I’m sorry too...” She whimpered in the darkness, wishing she was in his arms.She missed him.She wanted to go back.“I don’t want you to get hurt. At all.”She knew. She knew.“And I don’t want to lose you.”The Void disappeared in a rush of sounds and colors, and Ellie blinked at Kali’s face, who was screaming things she didn’t understand, couldn’t hear. Ellie was wheezing and panting heavily, heart running away from her, and the room was swimming a little. Her sister was shaking her by the shoulders, the word ‘Jane’ on her lips, and Ellie felt the tears slid down her cheeks, and it was messing up her bitching’ make-up, but she couldn’t care.She wanted to go back.Kali reacted badly to her wish.She vehemently spit things about ‘her policeman’ and ‘Fancy Hair’. Things that weren’t true.Hopper loved her. Like a dad should.Steve was her brother. They weren’t related by blood, but she had chosen him and he had chose her back. They were siblings, like Hopper was Dad and Joyce was like a mama. They loved her like a real family, and her friends were in danger, and she was the only one – she knew she was – who could save them.She had to go back.She wanted to get back to her family.Kali didn’t understand her.Ellie could see the desperation, the hurt. She could watch the sorrow spreading in her sister’s face, the way her heart shattered into a million pieces. Kali’s anger was too much like a fire, too dangerous and consuming. She couldn’t see past it. She had let it fester, and it had never healed.
Trust me, if you keep the fear and the anger inside, and you never let it out, it’s going to fester, and it’s going to destroy you.
Hopper had said so.Everything wasn’t black and white, good or bad. People were complex and had many masks, many layers. Everything wasn’t an absolute. People were more complex than she thought.Ray had been a monster, but he was also a victim of Papa’s hunger for power.Mama’s mind is broken, and it’s all Papa’s fault.Mama is gone, completely gone.Ellie feels that darkness, murderous and raging like an electric storm, curl in her heart, pushing and prodding. It wants her to snap, to snap the bad men’s necks, to watch Papa bleed until there is no life in his cruel eyes.But she had to let go.Papa might still be alive, but he couldn’t find her.Dad is protecting her, and she can protect herself too.She wanted to go back.Kali looked destroyed, betrayed, but Ellie understood that her sister needed to work on her inner demons more if she wanted her to stay.Ellie couldn’t allow herself to wait.Her friends needed help. They would die. They would die and she had to do something.Jim wasn’t mad, and he was sorry.Steve was there, Mike was there, Joyce and Dustin and Lucas and Will.She was going back.She was going home.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“What the fuCK WERE THOSE?!”Steve fought his hardest not to groan and grumble – irritated – at the burst of pain in his skull when Max screamed at the boys about ‘what were those things?!’ and ‘why the fuck didn’t that hellhound have eyes?!’ and the dumbass middle schoolers answered the redhead just as vehemently about ‘demodogs’ and ‘alternate dimensions’ or whatever. Steve just wanted them all to shut up so that he could think, but it was wishful thinking, he understood quickly, rolling his eyes for the millionth time since they had started trekking back to the railroad. The ‘demodogs’ were all running to the same place, so of course the little shits wanted to follow them because apparently almost dying once wasn’t enough and they needed to chase after the danger like it was a drug for their hyperactive stupidity.“It was Dart and his friends.” Henderson answered smartly, the leaves crushing under their feet adding to the unsettling feeling that Steve was trying to keep at bay, heart speeding up every time a shoe would tap on the railroad’s metallic bars like the clawed paws of a monster would.“You’re positive that was Dart?” Sinclair asked, stress still lingering in his tone, voice cracking a little.“Yes. He had the same exact yellow pattern on his butt.”How Henderson managed to notice that, Steve would never know. Then again, he had been busy with trying to survive against a pack of rabid little Demogorgons. It’s not like Steve would have had the time to see which one of those demons had ‘a yellow pattern on his butt’.“He was tiny two days ago.”Wait.Max knew about Dart? As in before tonight?Steve should kneecap those idiot middle schoolers just for the fact that they had talked about an interdimensional monster to the new girl in town. Didn’t they understand the concept of secrets? He thought they were smart, but turned out they were just little smartasses. Little fuckers, they were lucky he felt protective of them still.“Well, he’s molted three times already.” Henderson replied, still refusing to look at the redhead – love’s a bitch, kiddo – while he kept on walking ahead.“Malted?” Steve repeated, not sure he had understood the right thing.“Molted.” The kid corrected without any malice in his voice, which was... new... to Steve.He was just... used to get berated for dumb mistakes. His parents had mastered the art of making him feel tiny and pathetic for misspelling the word ‘dogs’. Steve just had trouble with letters, okay? They just... kept dancing on the paper, changing places and inverting sometimes. Steve knew the word in from of his eyes, he knew that it took an ‘s’ at the end, but Lord help him, he always forgot to write it down.The fact that Henderson went on to explain what he meant by ‘molted’ surprised the teenager, who stared at him with a confused frown while the kid shared his nerdy information with the class:“Shed his skin to make room for growth like hornworms.”
Huh. Neat.
“When’s he gonna molt again?” The girl quired nervously, not that she sounded nervous, but the way she spoke super fast betrayed that she was actually stressed, her flashlight turning to the dark woods on their right to see if something was stalking them.Luckily for Steve’s sanity, there wasn’t anything.Henderson warned them that Dart would shed skins again soon, and that his slug who was actually a faceless maneater would be fully grown of close to it.
Splendid.
Steve felt like had bile in his mouth as he made a face that spoke of his sarcastic joy, gut twisting sourly while they kept on walking on the railroad towards the fucking danger.“So will his friends.” The twerp blurted out at the end of his little speech.“Yeah, and he’s gonna eat a lot more than just cats.” He drawled, exchanging a look with the curly-haired boy before Sinclair grabbed his friend by the arm violently, forcing him to face him.“Wait, a cat?” His eyes widened panickily, taking Henderson by surprise and most of all, catching him off-guard. “Dart ate a cat?”“No, what? No.” His friend shook his head, aiming for nonchalance and denial and completely failing.Yeah, not even Steve would have believed that. Didn’t those idiots have a code about lying and shit?“What are you talking about? He ate Mews.”Henderson whipped around so violently he could have broken his spine, and Steve answered his murderous glare telling him to ‘shut up, Harrington’ with a shrug and a wide-eyed glare of his own. Why was he so unwilling to tell them the truth? The teenager had the feeling Henderson had done something stupid and his friends didn’t know. He looked ready to jump on Steve and scream at the top of his lungs to stop the brunet from talking. All that to keep the fact that Mews had been savagely slaughtered and devoured by his pet monster.Typical middle schooler’s attitude.Steve rolled his eyes and noticed the confused, dreadful look in Max’s electric blue eyes as she raised her chin to stare at him with a frown.“Mews? Who’s Mews?”“It’s Dustin’s cat.”“STEVE!” The little curly-haired twerp cried out complainingly, but his petulance was cut short by an angry-looking Sinclair.“I knew it! You kept him!” Sinclair accused, slapping Henderson’s arm to grab his attention.What followed was the awkward fumble of the nerdy idiot Steve had spent two evening running around town with to catch the baby monster he had kept in his house. What the fuck was wrong with those kids? Why couldn’t they just stick to their stupid, normal middle school bullshit and not go hunting demons at night?“He missed me.”The little kid looked miserable, and Steve had a thought of sympathy for him. He understood, in a way, the feeling of wanting a friend. At home. Like a sibling. Or a dog. Steve would have loved to own a dog, but his mother always though it was too much work and too dirty and ‘animals are so barbaric. Stefano, we will not buy you a dog’.“He wanted to come home.”“Bullshit!”Steve carefully did not flinch at the word Sinclair spat out like it was poison, venom in his eyes, but he closed his eyelids, groaning exasperatedly because he knew exactly what was about to come following this. A very long, unnecessary argument between Henderson and his friend. And with Max in the middle of their – love? – little triangle, something Henderson was bitter about already, things would escalate and just fucking blow out of proportions. He let them argue, managing to involve Max into their mess at some point, and Steve just stopped listening after the ‘you broke the rule of law!’ and the ‘well so did you!’ part.No, what caught Steve’s attention wasn’t the impossibly loud yelling between the three little imbeciles next to him who hadn’t realized that fucking demodogs were still running around the woods.What caught Steve’s attention and turned his blood into ice shards was the distant, horribly faint but terrifyingly real, screech echoing in the direction of the lab.Steve’s heart seized in his chest, adrenaline and terror rushing in his veins, and his legs felt numb for a quick second there. He turned fully towards the end of the railroad, to the treeline that opened on the distant clearing where Hawkins Lab was, like the open jaws of some nameless horror trying to eat everything, swallowing audibly over the screaming of the kids.
Oh my God....
He really wished for his bed right now, for this shit to be a giant nightmare he would wake up screaming and sweating from – like always –, but the cold bite of November’s wind was too real, too fucking vivid, for this to be a simple nightmare.Steve fucking hated his life.“Hey guys?” He called after them, eyes frantically jumping on the shadows his flashlight wasn’t illuminating to make sure they wouldn’t stretch out into long, demonic limbs and petal-heads full of shark teeth.They didn’t hear him, of course, to busy accusing each other of things that just weren’t important right now. They could fix their drama later, right now Steve was sure they would die if they didn’t shut the fuck up.“GUYS!”The anger in his voice must have startled them because thy all jumped to face him, Henderson’s light blinding him. He growled in irritation with a useless shake of his head to chase the light away, Henderson moving it eventually, but another one of those disembodied shrieks had them all ready to bolt like frightened little rabbits.Steve took a deep breath, centering himself on his task as a protector, as the kids’ guardian, the one responsible for their lives right now, and swinged his bat over his shoulder, tightening his hold on it to the point his knuckles turned white. The fear was twisting in his gut, he felt sick, but the buzzing under his skin was nothing when he thought about what could happen if he wasn’t alert. He couldn’t falter, not with three little dumbasses looking at him for guidance and most of all security.He made his way towards the source of the unsettling, horrible noises, knowing the kids rushed after him and huddled close to him. He could feel them in his back, the leaves crushing softly under their feet, the only thing anyone could hear over their mildly anxious breathing. They followed him like shadows, someone’s hand in the back of his jacket, but Steve didn’t comment on it, didn’t shrug it away, finding the weight a little bit reassuring. It meant they were still behind him, safe.He had the wild thought of seeing a demodog jump out of the oily darkness around them to collide into one of his kids and rip them from his protection, but nothing happened as they managed to advance carefully towards their imminent deaths.Fuck Hawkins.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Meeting Nancy and Jonathan at the end of the road was not a pleasant moment for Steve, most of all because the wounds on his broken little heart were still fresh, flaying him like a whip, and because Nancy and Jonathan clearly looked like they were together now.Steve would never have believed he’d be the one moping after a break-up with a girl while the girl would fall into the arms of another in less than two weeks. Jesus, he needed to find himself a new hobby or something. He couldn’t mope forever. Yes, it had hurt to be rejected like he was some trash – maybe he was, who knew? – deserving of being thrown away, but he shouldn’t be so affected by this. He should have seen it coming, it’s not like Nancy had been openly affectionate with him in the past few months. Steve shouldn’t be crying himself to sleep over a girl. He shouldn’t be- He wasn’t that pathetic... right? He couldn’t let the fact that Nancy and Jonathan had ran away together again – like they had after the whole ‘you’re bullshit, we’re bullshit, we killed Barb, I don’t love you’ mess – rip his heart all over again like he was some common little pussy who couldn’t accept that the girl he had loved actually seemed to be very close with another boy so soon.It hurt, seeing them standing s close, so comfortably close, to each other. Nancy appeared relaxed next to Byers, and Steve felt that stab right in his heart. It felt like twisting the blade right into the open wound of his bruised heart. Another mortal wound he’d have to nurse in the security of his empty house, in the security of his own darkness.Henderson and Jonathan argued – man, that little twerp just managed to argue with everyone he knew, huh? Steve was sure he’d argue with his science projects if he could – about opening the wire fenced gate and who wasn’t doing it correctly when clearly there was no power in the lab anymore. Steve was an idiot, but even he understood that no power meant that the gate would stay stubbornly shut.And then there was power, the lights flickering back to life.So did the demons inside that fucking lab, their screeches echoing all the way into his bones.Panic gripped his lungs then, because if the gate was locked by the lack of electricity, then that meant the lab’s actual doors had to be unlocked now. Steve could practically see the wave of faceless monsters lashing at them, drowning them in an ocean of blood and agony.It didn’t take two minutes that a very familiar police truck raced down the road, Jonathan slamming his hand on the red button to open the gate while Hopper’s breaks screeched on the concrete, eyes wild and haunted.He looked sick, and tired, but most of all feral with stress and urgency. His eyes flickered towards Steve for a brief second, relief washing on his face, but the echo of demonic screams had the policeman’s expression darkening again.“Get your ass in the car, there’s no guarantee they won’t break through! We need to get the hell out of here NOW!” The gruff man yelled at them, and nobody argued as they scrambled to jump into Jonathan’s car, shutting the doors violently and following behind Hopper’s truck down the road.They left the lab behind the eerily lights of the building kept on flickering inside, and Steve’s felt like vomiting when he saw the first streetlamp near the lab’s entrance wobbled shut.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The atmosphere back at the house was gloomy, thick with nervous fear and dark with uncertainty. Hopper was arguing with someone on the phone, yelling something about ‘military backup’ and apparently getting nowhere with the woman on the other side of the phone. Jonathan was talking to his unconscious brother, Nancy standing to his shoulder with a melancholic, empathetic look on her face while Joyce had barricaded herself in a bedroom.Steve understood her. She had just lost Bob, and from what he had gathered, they were close. Bob had been... a bit like a father to Will and very supportive of Joyce, lately.It was terrible that he had had to die to protect them. That sort of sacrifice was heavy, it proved that Bob was selfless.He must have loved them very much.The brunet peeled his attention away from Little Byers sleeping on the couch, looking like he had spent days in a swamp, hair oily and plastered on his forehead, skin pale like a ghost, looking clammy and uncomfortable. Steve walked back to the kitchen, exchanging a look with Hopper when the man put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, still arguing with whoever was on the line.“I am the police! Chief Jim Hopper!” He exclaimed, exasperated, leaving Steve to go watch the kids in the room behind him. “Yes, the number that I gave you, yes. 6767... I will be here.” He slammed the phone back on the wall, letting out a grunt of irritation.“They didn’t believe you, did they?” Henderson asked, cutting through the tension floating in the room.Hopper turned to face him.“We’ll see.”“’We’ll see’? We can’t just sit here while those things are loose!” Wheeler complained, clearly testing the Chief’s patience right now, which was not something Steve would recommend in the current situation.“We stay here, and we wait for help.” He repeated with his ‘dad voice’ to make sure Mike and his dumb friends understood that he wasn’t going to argue with middle schoolers on this issue, raising his eyes to look at Steve. “Harrington.” He jerked his head to the side, motioning him to follow as he went to the hallway leading to the bedrooms, Steve pushing himself from the counter he had leaning against to join him.“Are you okay?” Was the first thing Hopper asked, worry dancing in his eyes, like he was searching for injuries. “What were you doing in the woods in the middle of the night?”“I’m fine, no one got hurt.” He promised, crossing his arms. “The kids found a baby Demogorgon and wanted to lure it to the old junkyard to capture it, I figured it was safer for them to have… someone older with them.”He wasn’t going to tell Hopper that he had almost died though. The Chief already had a lot on his plate, he didn’t need to know that. And Steve was still alive and well, so it wasn’t relevant anyway.Hopper nodded, looking tired and at the end of his rope already, and Steve winced internally, feeling exactly like Hopper looked right now.“Okay, I guess I should say something about how reckless and stupid you all acted tonight, but I also know those little bastards won’t listen and that you apparently won’t either, so just make sure to never do this again without telling me or Joyce, got it?”“Yeah.”Steve was a thousand percent sure he was going to break that promise in the next hour. Call it a feeling.Hopper squeezed his shoulder and wandered into the room Joyce had hidden herself in, the teenager padding back to the kitchen where he heard the kids discuss things that Steve wasn’t sure he wanted to be involved in, knowing he wouldn’t have a choice anyway.“I mean when it was just Dart, maybe...”“But there’s an army now.”“Precisely.”“His army.”Something about Mike’s voice sounded wrong and Steve honestly didn’t want to think about it. He had this vivid impression that tonight would not be his favorite night, and the brunet cursed whoever was in charge on his life for the fucked-up shit they liked to throw at him.“What do you mean?” He asked, looking at Mike with his hands on his hips, the energy in the room suddenly charged like they had discovered the key to unlock the secrets of eternal life.“His army!” Wheeler repeated a little more insistently, everyone looking at him like he was weird – which he was – and mental – Steve wasn’t sure about that one yet. “Maybe if we stop him, we can stop his army too!”Mike rushed to the living room, Steve sidestepping to avoid being crashed into by an excited twelve-year-old little shit who didn’t like him because he was dating his siste- because he was his sister’s ex, the boy grabbing a drawing on top of the pile of paper sheets laying around before shoving it in his friends’ faces, hope in his eyes.“The Shadow Monster.” Henderson stated when he got a good look at the drawing, Steve craning his neck to the side with confusion.He had no fucking idea what was happening right now.“It got Will that day on the field. The doctor said it was like a virus, it infected him.”“And so this virus... it’s connecting him to the tunnels?” Mad Max concluded with the very frantic explanation Mike provided them.“To the tunnels, monsters, the Upside Down, everything!”“Woah- slow down, slow down.” Steve begged them, feeling like he was starting to get dizzy with all the kids’ shooting information around without taking a breath.
Please, someone just get me out of here.
The next ten minutes were filled with Steve embarrassing himself in front of everyone with his lack of knowledge in... pretty much everything, the kids creating what the brunet would call ‘a Jenga of ideas’ piling up to form a very bad plan that was sure to crumble if one piece was removed the wrong way. Everyone was gathered around the kitchen table while Henderson explained about ‘Mind Flayers’ and ‘hive-minds’ and shit Steve just didn’t understand. He also was aware that telling Hopper that all this information – more like those assumptions – came from a boardgame the kids played in their basement every weekend.Henderson should have just kept his mouth shut.All of this was too much for Steve, and he simply chose to stand in the background while everyone discussed the best course of actions, Henderson arguing with the policeman about his ‘military help’ that would not come in time, soon back up by Sinclair and Mike, which ended up with Hopper getting defeated in an argument by twelve-year-olds with no sense of self-preservation. Steve would have mocked the man if he wasn’t feeling so... not good himself.Hopper lost this fight completely when Joyce put her foot down, looking fragile and vulnerable but stubborn and decided to kill the Shadow Monster.“But how do we do that?” He asked, sounding stressed. “We don’t exactly know what we’re dealing with here.” He tried to make her see reason, but Mike shattered the man’s attempt at calming them all down very quickly.“No. But he does.” Everyone followed Mike’s gaze, the attention zeroing on the still unconscious Will laying on the couch. “If anyone knows how to destroy this thing, it’s Will. He’s connected to it. He’ll know its weakness.”“I thought we couldn’t trust him anymore.” Max replied. “That he’s a spy for the Mind Flayer now.”Which was the big fucking problem of this entire clusterfuck.“Yeah but... he can’t spy if he doesn’t know where he is.”-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Steve was put on construction duty.Well, not exactly, but he was putting hessian all around the shed, duck-tapping it and stappling it to the wooden structure as fast as he could. He felt useful right now, and at least it distracted his mind from spiraling into madness and confusion. The only problem was that he was stuck with Nancy to do this. Which he wasn’t really ready for, but like most things in his life, he didn’t have a choice.And the priority was to end this entire fucking ‘Upside Down’ shitshow, not sparing his little feelings.Still, he didn’t want to talk to Nancy right now, but she didn’t leave him the choice either.“Hey.” She called, the brunet glancing at her with what he hoped was not an exasperated expression. He could hear her out, he could. He was a big boy, he could handle a simple conversation with his ex-girlfriend. “What you did, um... helping the kids... That was... really cool.”Steve wanted to say a lot of things, wanted to react in a million different ways, but he breathed out his frustration and all that shit to force himself to stay civil. Now was not the time to start a fucking argument. He had almost died protecting those kids, but she didn’t know that. Steve could have been gone from this world right now, and then would Nancy say that was a ‘really cool’ of Steve – stupid, selfish Steve – to protect the kids? He was sure she was simply trying to be nice, to be kind to him after the whole break-up fiasco between them, but he just really didn’t want to hear it.“Yeah.” He chose to say – very clever Harrington – instead of exploding, still refusing to look at the girl when he answered. “Those little shits are real trouble, you know?”He heard her scoff playfully.“Believe me, I know.”Steve chose to remain silent, not wanting to break this apparent truce between them, stappling the hessian to the wall and ignoring the look Nancy gave him. She must have wanted him to continue this awkward conversation for some reason, which was not something Steve wanted at all. But this was Nancy Wheeler. She never let anything go.“I though you didn’t want to get caught up in this whole ‘monster clusterfuck’ thing again?”Yeah, that had been the goal. The whole point had been that h didn't want to get into this shit again. But with so little people knowing, help just couldn't fall from the sky, okay? Urgh. Steve honestly wanted to shoot himself. Couldn’t they just finish this and go back in the house to wait for the monsters to crawls from whatever fucking hellhole they came from before they’d be forced to fight them again?“Yeah well, I’m just along for the ride really.” He mumbled with a self-suffering sigh, feeling tired already.He always felt tired.Tired of this bullshit.He noticed the dissatisfaction on Nancy’s face at his lack of want to discuss further with the girl who had broken his heart and then ran away with the dude who had beat the crap out of him last year.Twice, actually. She had disappeared with Jonathan twice.He felt like lying down to cry about his pathetic little meaningless life suddenly.“I wasn’t planning on it.” Steve chose to say, and it was clear Nancy was waiting for him to do so because she basically beamed at his flat, tired expression. “But then Henderson kidnapped me to hunt his pet slug which turned out to be a bigger problem than just some common lizard shedding skins. Sinclair’s and Max’s involvement wasn’t planned either. Well- Not for me. Let’s just say it wasn’t on my to-do-list to play babysitter for a bunch of annoying brats tonight.”“It’s cool that you fought those monsters for them. I never knew you were so driven to protect people. You used to be kind of selfish, you know?”Ouch.
Thanks Nance.
“Yeah, shit happens, and I changed.” He said, bordering a grunt of annoyance, really offended by the innocent comment on his old, horrible self.“Y-yeah... Yeah.”The others eventually joined them to accelerate the transformation of the shed, Steve focusing on helping the kids and being as far from his ex as he physically could without looking like he was running away. The shitheads requested his height to get whatever cardboard they could get their hands on higher up on the walls, so Steve just stappled everything where they wanted it to be. He couldn’t believe he was still babysitting while in the middle of a room full of adults and other teens.When they declared themselves satisfied with the work they had done, Hopper ordered everyone but the Byers and Mike back into the house. The less people that were familiar with Will, the less probable the Mind Flayer would know where they were. So Steve got stuck, again, with the kids and Nancy. It really was such an amazing evening.He couldn’t complain to himself all he wanted, he was glad to watch over the kids. After the whole junkyard thing, he felt better knowing they were with him. At least here he would be able to protect them. Kind of. He could just become bait again to give them the chance to escape if shit hit the fan.All that was left to do was wait.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Everything went to shit when the phone rung.Honestly, a phone ringing could have been anywhere, but apparently the only phone the Mind Flyer knew was the Byers’ one, so everyone had quickly barricaded themselves in the house, weapons out, ready to be fucking eaten by those monsters screeching into the night distantly. Steve felt sick to the stomach, his hands sweaty and his heart racing in his chest, drumming in his head. He could feel the rush of adrenaline and stress pumping through him, feeling a little better to know he wasn’t alone right now. Hopper was close to him, and everyone was there too, but he had no hopes of their success.Those demons had taken down a lab full of professionals.A group of dysfunctional, suicidal dumbasses wouldn’t do much against them.The screams and growls got so close Steve could literally feel them, he could sense their hunger and their lust for violence through the fucking windows. And he wasn’t fucking psychic. He wished Ellie was here now. They would have had much better chances at survival if she had been here, but Steve had left her with her sister hundreds of miles away, and they could only depend on themselves to survive now. Ellie would not come to rescue them, she probably was having the time of her life doing – probably criminal – activities with Kali and her – probably criminal – friends. Let’s be honest here: Steve was sure they were criminals. But Kali and Ellie had superpowers. They would be fine.That didn’t make him feel better about leaving her there. It actually made it worse.The chittering of too many demodogs and the rustling of the bushed in front of the window brutally brought him back to his current reality.
Focus, Harrington, focus. Not the time to zone out, dude.
Everyone gasped in terror and moved as the noises shifted from window to window, like the monsters were trying t get in and couldn’t decide which window would be the best angle of attack. Steve figured that they would kill everyone regardless of the window they chose to jump in from.What an encouraging thought.Steve’s stress seemed to double up when the screeching stopped abruptly, all the demodogs suddenly silent after a yelp that sounded... pained.And then the window shattered.Screams shook the house as the body of a dog hit the wall opposite of the window, Hopper’s gun pointed at the thing which was not moving at all, like it was lifeless.“Holy shit.” Henderson panted, speaking for everybody.“Is it dead?” The redhead asked as everyone slowly crept closer to the creature, Hopper kicking its head to the side with his boot.The thing stayed dead.
Oh shit... Oh shit...
Steve was ready to sigh in relief when the door creaked and the lock flipped magically, everyone once again ready to face hell itself as the door was pushed open, revealing the identity of the last person Steve thought he would have seen tonight.Steve was so happy he could weep.
Ellie.
Ellie was back.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ellie and Mike’s reunion could have been really heartwarming and all that shit if Steve hadn’t been too tired already to deal with this emotional tween train wreck. The fact that Mike literally exploded at Hopper for hiding Ellie also did not help, and Steve chose to discreetly and carefully move to the back so that he could escape from all this drama.Unfortunately, Ellie spotted him trying to slip away from her. It wasn’t like he wanted to avoid her, it was that no one was supposed to know she was alive, let alone Steve Harrington. Wouldn’t it be fucking weird if Steve Harrington, local asshole and preppy Hawkins douchebag, was familiar with a girl who he never seen in his life before? Wouldn’t it?Yeah it would.The thing was, Ellie’s way was blocked by her friends, who she hugged tightly, a smile on her lips. Steve chose to look at the window, musing over the fact that he should probably go check if the rest of those rabid dogs were all as dead as the one on the floor at his feet-
At his feet.
Steve couldn’t get his eyes away then, looking down at the lifeless corpse like it was sucking his lifeforce to come back in the world of the living to finish the job it had. He felt sick, and he was starting to see the floor swirl around the focus point of his attention, which was the demodog. A flatline noise was screaming in his ears, the floor suddenly rushing to his face. Steve saw the floor open up like a giant flower-mouth full of teeth under h-The brunet blinked and looked up, heart racing like crazy as he tried to find another fix spot to make sure he wouldn’t faint with panic in the middle of a still very dangerous situation.“Eleven?” Mad Max’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, sounding hopeful and unsure. “Hey, um. I’m Max.”The redhead wanted to shake the little psychic’s hand, but to everyone’s awkward nervousness and Steve surprised disappointment, she refused.She shouldered past Max, glaring like the redhead had personally offended her, and Steve frowned, confused. What the...? What was wrong with her? She had never done this. Steve didn’t understand why she would act so cold and mean to Max. She had no reason to do it.He was so shocked that he forgot that he wasn’t supposed to know ‘Eleven’.“Ellie.”She raised her eyes to him, full of worried curiosity, but also firmly anchored in that weird anger he didn’t understand. It was shimmering in her eyes, stubborn and petulant. Childish. It looked like jealousy, probably something from a misunderstanding – Steve knew a lot about that, having experienced it himself with Nancy and Jonathan – between the two girls. It was weird since Ellie and Max had never seen each other before, but maybe the brunette was feeling like her place in the Party was being threaten?Steve was having none of it.The redhead looked really hurt by the other girl’s dismissal. The brunet teenager raised his eyebrows at his little sister, and she puffed her cheeks, knowing perfectly well what he wasn’t happy about. She knew she had done something wrong.“Go back and apologize.” He ordered gently but firmly, leaving no room for argument.“But-“ She started, sounding betrayed by her brother’s reprimand.“No.” He put his hands on his hips. “That wasn’t nice, Ellie. Not at all. Max didn’t do anything to you. It’s not fair to treat her like that. It’s not something good people do, okay? Apologize, okay?”Ellie seemed to really think about it then, Steve almost seeing the cogs spin in her mind. He knew that apologizing was one of the hardest things to do in life. You had to acknowledge that you did something bad, and nobody wanted to be seen as a bad guy. Nobody liked to apologize, truly apologize. It was easier to pretend, it was easier to say it was okay and that it hadn’t hurt anyone, but that wasn’t good enough. You couldn’t ignore the pain. Steve knew it. Not everyone knew how, not everyone did it. So many people refused to admit their wrongdoings, and it left scars in people’s hearts.His apologies to Jonathan for the camera – even if he had deserved it – had been one of the hardest moments in his life. One because it felt wrong to say sorry when the guy had taken creepy pictures of Steve and Nancy, two because Steve had never really done this before.Apologize for his actions.It was as difficult as saying ‘I love you’.Max wasn’t weak, she was a firecracker and Steve was sure she could brush it off, but she also had had that flash of terrible pain in her eyes when the other girl glared at her. Ellie was the only other person in their little freak group to bring that… feminine energy. Steve wasn’t sure those tomboys had ‘feminine energy’ in the way Nancy did, but Nancy also was good with a gun, so those girls’ ‘feminine’ probably wasn’t the traditional one. It didn’t matter, the point was: Ellie had hurt Max, and now she had to apologize. Max must have wished for them to be great friends. Ellie needed a girl friend, another girl with who she could complain about the boys’ idiocy behind their backs.Feminine solidarity of whatever they called it. She needed someone to go to the bathroom with. Every girl on this planet always had a female friend with them whenever they went to the shitter, that was like an unspoken rule of their friendship code. It was freaking weird, but Steve wasn’t pretending he understood any of it.The little psychic took a deep breath, but eventually turned her head towards the other girl, real guilt in her eyes.“Sorry... Max.” She smiled weakly, glancing at a satisfied-looking Steve.He was proud of his sister.“It’s- It’s okay.” The other stammered, eyes bouncing between Ellie and Steve, everyone watching with confusion the exchange between the brunets.They held eye contact for a few seconds, and then Ellie’s frown was replaced by a small smile, wich Max answered with a wide grin, and Steve sighed in relief.Crisis averted.Ellie turned an inquiring pout to Steve, seeking his approval. She really wanted to have the green light from Steve, who smiled a bit flatly with a small sigh through his nose. He wasn’t satisfied, but things would get weird if he pushed for Ellie to go and shake Max hand like it would have been the right thing to do. Steve didn’t know what his sister had against the redhead, but they would talk about it.No he chose to change the subject instead.“What did you do to your hair?” He cringed, the gel having turned her hair crispy and shiny, and he really wasn’t impressed by this monstrosity of a hairdo.“Dottie did it. She said it was bitchin’.” She beamed.That crazy-looking girl with clearly wild, unwashed hair? Oh Lord.Steve let out a sharp hum of disgust. This was a fucking crime against hair grooming. It was a horror, even if his sister really did look bitching’ in this. And the make-up was so... Urgh. Smudged and uneven- really it was a travesty. It looked like a child had done the smoky eyes, and honestly, Steve was sure a child actually would have done a better job. Ellie looked like she was sick, maybe the intent was to make her look like a skeleton or something.He reached for her head, wincing at the crispy texture. This would be such a bitch to wash off. Ellie was going to need tons of conditioner. Man, Steve could only imagine what the hell that crazy lady had used to slick his sister’s hair back like that.He did not approve.Steve would have to call Kali and teach her and her goons about this. It was just not working. Not working at all.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------They had a plan, and Steve was once again stuck with Nancy.This universe was toying with his patience. It wanted to see him vibrate in his own skin.They were looking for some kind of thing – Steve actually didn’t know what thing – that Hopper had asked them to find. A heater of some kind. To burn the Shadow Monster out of Will so that they could fucking end this once and for all.Steve was tossing the garbage thrown on the grass around, feeling like he was trapped in his own skin. He had to dissipate this nervousness somehow, and he needed to get this out of his chest:“You should go with him.”“What?”Was she playing dumb? He wasn’t sure. Nancy looked and sounded confused.“With Jonthan.” He clarified, her eyes widening.“No, I’m...” She trailed off, then scoffed. “I’m not just gonna leave Mike.”Steve made of confused face at that, lost for a second. He thought it was obvious that she wouldn’t be leaving Mike. He just felt like she wanted to go with Jonathan, and he also was pretty sure she’d be more useful with the Byers in helping Will being purged from whatever demon was possessing his body than at the Byers’ in helping Steve watch over the brats. Because of course he had been chosen to be the babysitter.“No one’s leaving anyone.” He rounded the pile of junk they were scavenging in to take an old electric heater. That was would be good, yeah? He guessed Hopper would have to be satisfied with that anyway. “Look Nance.” He signed, looking at her. “I may be a pretty shitty boyfriend, but... turns out I’m actually a pretty damn good babysitter.”He didn’t feel stupid admitting it. Which was... wow, a surprise. Not unpleasant. Pathetic – because seriously, King Steve? Being a ‘damn good babysitter’? Pathetic. – but not making him feel like he was a failure. It was dumb, but he was good at this. This and smashing monsters with a nailed bat. His babysitter skills were top-tier, huh?He handed her the heater with a smile, Nancy looking at him with this guilty, pitiful light in the bottom of her dark eyes, and he felt his smile tightening at the corners at the pang of hurt feelings he was victim of. But there was also rage. Cold, burning rage. She had hurt him. She had cheated on him. He had no actual proof but he just fucking knew.And there she was, confirming his doubts with her guilty eyes begging him to accept her silent apology.“I didn’t know you were so close to Eleven.”Change of subject. Perfect.“It’s recent, actually.” He said off-handedly, busy with trying to find another heating generator or something similar. “We kinda connected over the past two weeks.”“Oh that’s... nice.”Steve froze, sensing something wrong in the way she said it, in the way she hesitated. Her voice did that weird little suspicious, nervous thing, that thing she did every time she was going to ask questions, dig for the truth. The brunet turned to face her again, schooling his expression into something more neutral, guarded. People said he was hard to read sometimes, and he had always been careful not to be like that with his girlfriend, but Nancy wasn’t his girl anymore.“What?” He asks, probably sharper than he had intended.He didn’t like the feeling he was getting from Nancy. He didn’t like that oily sensation crawling down his spine.“What, 'what'?” She tried to play dumb, and Steve had that flashing thought that he could just leave it lie that, drop the topic now and avoid causing a scene, which sounded really great. It would just be better to stop now than to have it explode in his face.“You sounded like you wanted to say something.”“No, no... Not at all.”But then she couldn’t hold back:“I just... I didn’t expect you to be so protective of the kids, or to even talk to them, let alone El. How did you- How did you even found her? Hopper hid her, so I don’t understand how you found her when the kids didn’t.”“I didn’t find her. She found me.”“Oh?” Nancy raised her eyebrows, obviously expecting more.“Yeah.”He wasn’t going to elaborate on that, if it was wanted. Steve didn’t want to reveal that he felt like total trash because of what had happened with Barb. He didn’t want to admit to Nancy that he mourned the girl’s death, that it was flaying him like a whip clacking on his back all the time, lapidating him. He didn’t fucking want to tell her that she was right and that he was bullshit.He really fucking hated that word.“Well, it’s... I guess it’s nice that you get along so well with her. It’s still a little weird, you know? You, speaking with a girl without wanting to get in her-“ She stopped as he looking at her sharply, suddenly realizing what she had been saying and probably hadn’t planned on saying it out loud.“Without wanting to get in her pants?” He finished calmly for her, slightly shaking with fury.He had changed. He thought she had noticed he had changed. He had changed for her, as crazy as it sounded, and it had been the best goddamn decision of his life, but Jesus Christ! Couldn’t she at least pretend like she cared? Fuck...She tried to rectify her wrongdoing. Her slip of tongue.“Steve that’s not-““It’s okay, Nance. I know what I used to be like, I had just hopped that you saw the way I worked to fix that side of me. I’m not an asshole anymore, Nance. I try not to be.”“I know! I know. That’s not what I meant! I was trying to say that I never saw you talk to people younger than sixteen, you know? Let alone a girl! It’s just that- That when I used to see you talk with younger girls, there was a reason being it.”Steve paused what he had been doing, livid. He heart was beating faster than ever in his entire life, faster than when he had faced that eyeless nine-feet-tall nightmare, more than when his father had towered over him with the sting of a slap on his cheek. His entire body felt as hard as rock, blood thumping against his temple and drowning the noise around him. He could only hear the sound of his own terrified pain. Was she implying...?
Oh my God... Oh my God-
“What do you mean?” The brunet whispered it almost, narrowed glare blazing, an icy sense of disgusted dread snaking down his back.“Oh my God, Steve. Stop- Stop making such a big deal out of it! I’m not trying to be mean or anything, okay? Why do you aways have to assume that whatever I’ll say is bad or judgmental?”Because it usually was.“I’m not assuming anything, Nancy, I’m reacting to your words. I just don’t understand what you’re trying to say right now.” His voice was freezing, barely holding back from shaking with rage, and he felt like he could cry of fury right now.How could she? How could she even assume that he would- No. No, no, no. He couldn’t pretend like he hadn’t just heard what she was trying to imply. He couldn’t just close his eyes on this. This was fucking serious, too serious, and he needed to get that idea out of her head before he’d be labeled as a... The mere thought of it made him want to puke.“I’m not trying to insinuate anything!” Her response was vehemently defensive, the frown on her face a bit terrifying.Steve had seen worse.“I hope not.” He replied flatly just as Jonathan appeared in his peripherical vision. Steve glanced at him, then back at her, noting that she had noticed the other boy too. “She’s twelve, Nance.” He tried not to yell, gritting his teeth. “And she’s like a sister to me. I never- I’m not a creep.”That hit hard, and Nancy did flinch, looking over at her new boy toy who was watching them with worried eyes, like Steve was going to try and do something to win back his ex-girlfriend. He felt like sighing again, choosing to let it go. It was his only choice. And they didn't have time for this. She tried to defend herself or something. Justify her actions. He wasn’t really listening. Fuck her.“Steve-““It’s fine, Nancy. I’m not angry or anything. We broke up two weeks ago, at Tina’s party, remember? I just wished you had waited we make it official before going for Byers, but I understand that feelings can’t be controlled.” He sure as hell couldn’t control his. Not when it came to love. “I’m happy for you, Nance, I really am.”
You broke my heart without a second thought, but I don’t resent you. I understand why you did it. I wouldn’t love me either.
Steve didn’t even know if he loved himself.The answer was a clear ‘no’ in his mind, but he ignored it. Insidious thoughts would not be welcomed tonight. They had monsters to kill, and he had kids to babysit. He’s allowed himself his self-loathing later.“I hope you’re happy now.” It was a jab, totally, and the ‘now’ floated between them like a millstone around Nancy’s neck, but Steve didn’t feel anything but darkness curling in his heart as the girl’s eyes clouded with guilt and shame, teary.It was surprising that she still found the... strength? Audacity? He didn’t know. To cry in front of him for breaking his heart.She had been in love with Jonathan for a while now. He understood that it was part of the equation of their fall-out. Steve understood, he really did. It was almost creepy how much he felt at peace with the feeling of rejection and being left behind again. Not a new feeling. Such a familiar stab to his heart, it was just... normal.Nancy hadn’t really loved him, not like Steve had – still? – loved her. She had- She had always called him an idiot, and as much as Steve had realized that teasing and talking shit with his lovers was his ‘love language’ in a way, her little remarks and off-handed comments had hurt. Somewhere deep in his dark little heart, he had known Nancy’s ‘you’re an idiot, Steve Harrington’ weren’t as devoid of malice as he had forced himself to believe. That they weren’t light teasing at all.
Oh my God. Oh- Oh shit.
Steve could see it now. He could- He could fucking see it. Wow, it was like the first ray of sunshine after a lifetime of rainy clouds covering his eyes. Only that the sunshine burned him like he was a vampire and the clouds had been raining a shower of acid on him for his entire fucking relationship with Nancy.He had been the safe option.Steve Harrington, local rich, preppy, popular asshole, had been Nancy’s safety net. Her emergency exit. Her safe option.What a joke.He was such a joke.Nancy had put a fucking gun right under his fucking nose, he should have seen that all of this was utter shit. The illusion should have been shattered then. But for some reason Steve hadn’t seen it. Hadn’t understand the signs. He was so stupid.Of course he was, why would it have been otherwise?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The silence in the truck was heavy and uncomfortable. Hopper was feeling too big for his skin, he had a million questions swirling in his mind, and El wasn’t talking to him. She looked upset, but he was angry, and worried and scared, and she wasn’t talking. He didn’t like awkward silences; he didn’t like it when his daughter didn’t talk to him abut why she was upset.“So, what, we’re just not gonna talk about it, huh?”Her head rolled away from the window to look at him.“About what?”“Oh, I don’t know. I’m just curious you know, why all of a sudden you look like some kind of MTV punk.” El pressed her lips together, looking away from him again. Hopper sighed. “I’m not mad, kid. I just want to know where you’ve been. That’s all.”“...To see Mama.”Hopper’s voice failed him, heart speeding up with dread. He hadn’t- Shit. He suddenly understood why she was so upset, and why she hadn’t answered his radio calls. The police officer had to be careful on this. She was already not looking friendly, and he was sure she would highjack his car to run away if he got mad and tried to reason with her. He had lied, she had found out. He had to be honest and open wit her now. He had to make sure she understood why he had lied.“Okay.” He said, but then logic came back to him. “How’d get there?”“Steve.”“Steve?” He repeated, sounding unhappy but deep down he was relieved to know she hadn’t gone with a stranger.She nodded at him, their eyes meeting, and she had this defiant light in hers that Hopper had seen in every eye of every kid who had seen some shit. She looked ready to burn this town if Jim went after Harrington to tell him how stupid and dangerous he had acted by letting her go to see her mom. Hopper felt ready to turn around and go speak with the teenager right now, but they couldn’t do that because they had some pressing matters to attend to at the fucking lab. He would have his conversation with Steve after they’d close the gate.If they survived the night.“Okay. So let me just get it straight in my head.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, grumbling gruffly, not at all happy about any of this but also not totally angry. He was just frustrated and stressed and in need of coffee. Or alcohol. Both would be great. He also felt like he was missing some parts in this whole story. “So Steve, he drove you to your mama’s and then what? Your- Your aunt Becky gave you the clothes and that make-up?”“I...” She trailed off, her face crumbling with sadness, an apology furrowing her brows. “I shouldn’t have left.”Jim closed his eyes, releasing a quiet sigh. He hated when she felt so bad. He hated to have his kids feel bad because of him. Jim remembered the feeling of wanting to please his father, the horrible sensation of rejection when his efforts weren’t acknowledged, weren’t rewarded with affection and only with bruises. He had promised himself he wouldn’t be like this if he had children, and he had been doing a good job until Sarah’s cancer. And now he had another of his kids who was scared he’d be furious because she had run away, and that her ‘brother’ had helped her. She was sure the Chief was mad at the both of them.Hopper cleared his throat, catching Eleven’s attention.“No. No, this isn’t on you kid.” He shook his head. “I should’ve been there. I should never have lied to you about your mom. Or about when you could leave. A lot of things I shouldn’t have done.”It shouldn’t have been his place to decide all of this. He had just been... scared. That he’d lose his daughter. That she’d be taken back to that horrible place, or worse. She could have disappeared forever, and he would have never forgive himself.“Steve was there. He took care of me.” She assured him, suddenly less gloomy as she turned to face him. “We listened to a lot of cool music, and I saw a deer!”“Yeah?” He glanced at her, smiling when she nodded with her own grin. “Good. I’m glad. I’m glad Steve was the one with you. I was just worried that you had gone with some random man in a truck...” Every parents’ nightmare. Their kid going with a nice man in a big truck without them knowing. At least Harrington had been there. “You know kid... Sometimes I feel like I’m...” He stopped, inhaling sharply, his eyes stinging with unshed tears he stubbornly kept back. “Like I’m just some kind of black hole or something.” He sighed, El turning curious eyes to him.“A black hole?”“Yeah it’s a... You know, it’s this thing in outer space. It’s like, it sucks everything towards it and destroys it. Sarah had a picture book about outer space. She loved it.” His voice wobbled and he sniffled sharply, moving in his seat to distract himself from the way his heart squeezed in his chest, the memories hurting him like a knife in the gut.“Who’s Sarah?” She murmured, as if she was unsure if she could ask.“Sarah?” He said, looking at her with haunted eyes and quickly looking back at the road because he couldn’t tell her if he was looking at her. It hurt too much. “Sarah’s my girl. She’s my little girl.”Eleven stared ahead too, understanding creeping in her gaze as she come to realize what he meant.“Where is she?”Dead. She was dead, and it was all because of him. It was his fault that she had had this cancer, his fault that his marriage had failed, his fault that his life had turned out so… pitiful and miserable. El’s arrival had changed things, and he felt alive now, he felt like he had purpose, but he still had this void in his chest that would never be filled. Sarah’s death had killed a part of him, and now a new part of him was alive because of this weird little girl he had found in the woods and a teenager who used to be the bane of his existence. How life had a weird way to make things work.“Well that’s kind of the thing, kid.” He cleared his throat again, sniffling as he avoided her eyes. “She, uh... She left us.”A beat of silence followed, one in which Eleven looked devastated.“Gone.” She understood, her little heart hurting for him.“Yeah. The black hole. It... It got her.” He choked out, barely, forcing himself to not cry. He had to be strong. “And somehow... I’ve just been scared you know? I’ve just been scared that it would take you too. I think that’s why I get... so mad. I’m so sorry. For everything. I could be so... so...”“Stupid?” She finished with a teary voice.He let out a wet chuckled, smiling weakly. “Yeah. Stupid.” She laughed too. “Just really stupid.”She reached for his hand, gripping it tightly as she looked at him with eyes full of tears and full of honesty. He squeezed her fingers, glancing at the road as she spoke.“I’ve been stupid too.”They both had, but the important thing was that now they were speaking to each other, and that they were fixing the problem. Hopper was glad they weren’t screaming and yelling.“I guess we broke our rule.” He replied and El chuckled. “I don’t hate it, by the way.” He looked at her, her smoky eyes, her slicked back hair, though he preferred her natural curls. At least she looked badass. “This whole... look. Its kinda cool.”“Bitchin’.” She corrected very seriously, expecting him to approve.“Okay, sure.” He smiled, knowing he wouldn’t win against her on this. “Bitchin’.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The itch under Billy’s skin had him on high alert for days. His instincts had been flaring, his paranoia had been raw against his flesh, and he knew something was bound to happen, soon, very fucking soon, but he didn’t know what.He didn’t know if he’d be the one to fucking crack and lose his shit, or if Neil would first.His father hadn’t made a move in days, not even tried to push him in the wall as they passed each other in the hallways of the house, not even slapped him on the head while he was trying to eat as silently as it was humanely possible. Neil was playing games with him. He was fucking with him, keeping him edge. Getting him to walk on eggshells all the fucking time, until ultimately Billy would make a fucking mistake, because he always did make a mistake, and he’d crush him. The blond fucking knew how his dad’s brain worked, he knew his goddamn patterns. After years of getting yelled at, of getting beaten up for no reason, after years of understanding that it was all for the man’s personal fucked-up pleasure, Billy knew that the longer he kept the beast shackled, the harder he’d attack.He would jump at his throat.Neil favorite way of spooking his son into always being ready – to always be responsible and respectful – was to drop unannounced at the most random times, or to come back unexpectedly early from his and Susan’s night out. It was always a question of time.Always a question of goddamn fucking time, and Billy knew that Neil would fucking explode for the stupidest of reasons.His dad was paranoid like that, always making sure he was kept under his foot, always breathing down on his neck. Neil even fucking looked at the fuel level in his car, for fuck’s sakes! If Billy was grounded, Neil fucking knew how much gas he had in the begging and at the end, and he could fucking map Billy’s every fucking step in this hick town. It was suffocating. Billy’s only possession, his only safe heaven, was his Camaro.And Neil was even controlling that.Billy couldn’t catch a break. It was always a slap behind the head, a push against a wall, stealing of his fucking keys on the weekends and forcing him to walk like a fucking loser to where he wanted to go, always the confiscating of his music, always doing everything to scare him and control him.Billy was never in control of his life when he was in that house.That’s why he hated not being in control of everything else. At school, at parties, even on the goddamn basketball court. He had to be top dog. He had to be the one everyone wanted to be, wanted to fuck, wanted to hate. Billy didn’t give a shit, as long as he could feel like he had control on the situations in his life. He needed to feel in control, in power. He never had that at his house. Billy wanted to explode out of his skin all the time, fuck someone to oblivion, break things, race down a road in his car to wrap himself around a fucking streetlamp pole sometimes. It was exhausting and frustrating, and Billy felt too small for his body, his rage and terror and agony pushing-pushing-pushing until he would fucking snap.But Billy loved life. He loved the rush of adrenaline in his blood when he was doing someone dangerous, loved the trill of rebellion. He loved life so much, and in a way, he was hoping for deliverance. He was craving the day he would finally be eighteen and he could just fucking vanish into the night the moment the clock would strike midnight. He wanted to drive into the sunrise as he left bumfuck Hawkins, India-fucking-na, and laugh freely for the first time since his mom left him as the sunset would blind him. It was all he wanted.To be free.To be fearless.But that seemed too far away as his dad shoved him against his shelving unit, one of the shelves digging right in his lower back painfully.He and Susan were late by three fucking hours, and his dad was fucking angry at him because apparently, Max’s window was open, and she wasn’t anywhere in the house.Fucking. Piece. Of shit.There was no point in trying to explain, but Billy stupidly did it anyway, probably wishing for his father to listen for once, to put the blame on someone else than his son. It wasn’t Billy’s fault if Max was fucking unruly and loud and such a bitch. It wasn’t Billy’s fault if the parents were three hours late. Why did Billy had to be the scapegoat for that bitch’s mistakes? Why did she even need a fucking babysitter, huh? She was thirteen! Billy used to swim in the ocean with his buddies, unsupervised, at her age!For the love of fucking God!Billy didn’t allow himself more than a sharp intake of air, a grunt, not whine. Neil would just thrive on his pain. The boy kept his fear hidden in his heart, his pulse speeding up as his father’s warning glare pined him on the spot, his blood turning to ice in his veins. He did his best to keep his breathing even, but it trembled when Neil’s jaw clenched threateningly. They stared at each other, doing this fucking contest for the millionth time, like Billy wasn’t going to be defeated for the millionth time.Of course, Neil fucking lost it because of Max. He couldn’t just lose it for anything else, lately. It was always about his perfect stepdaughter, about this child he didn’t consider a fucking disappointment, an insult to his name. Max was his precious golden child, and Billy was his faggot son.“What did we talk about?” He asked low, keeping up with this façade of composure and calm just before he struck his son in the face, Susan groaning like she had been the one to be at the receiving end the punch. Neil forced Billy to look at him again, pushing his head to press against a shelf, fingers painfully digging in his jaw. His cheek stinged. “What did we... talk about?”He allowed his son to lower his chin so that he could answer, those words scarred into his flesh, burned in his brain:“Respect and responsibility.” His voice sounded like it was passing through a crackling phoneline to his own ears, Billy’s throat hurting as he forced the words out.“That is right.” Neil nodded slowly, so close to Billy he could feel the pressure of his anger on his shoulders. “Now, apologize to Susan.”Billy didn’t fucking want to apologize to that spineless bitch. He didn’t want to obey, didn’t want to be the powerless victim of his dad’s temper again and again and again. He wanted to push his dad off him and tear down the walls of this fucking house. He wanted to trash and scream and cry, but he couldn’t, and he was starting to feel the storm of his emotions gathering into tears in his eyes. Billy felt like a rain of knives was pouring down on him, he was disgusted by himself for his cowardice, for this terror gripping his gut. Neil had his claws on him, and the boy was helpless. He couldn’t save himself, and Susan wouldn’t save him, and nobody would be able to do anything to heal this wound both his parents had left on his soul.His mom had left him, his dad hated him.Billy didn’t deserve love, and he had learned early to never expect it from anyone. That was why he didn’t allow himself to give his to anyone either. That as why he knew he’d end up exactly like his fucking father, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to become like Neil, but he couldn’t escape it. Billy couldn’t escape himself.“I’m sorry Susan.” He said, his heart sinking one more time in his chest.“It’s okay, Neil, really-““No, it’s not okay. Nothing about his behaviour is okay.” Neil interrupted his wife, keeping his eyes on Billy like a predator would on its prey. “But he’s gonna make up for it.” It wasn’t a question, or a demand. It was an order. “He’s gonna call whatever whore he’s seeing tonight and cancel their date.” Susan lowered her eyes at the crude language, Billy’s entire being revolting at the injustice, knowing he couldn’t do anything but obey. “And then, he’s gonna go find his sister.” Billy pointedly did not react. Move and you’re dead. “Like the good, kind, respecting brother that he is. Isn’t that right, Billy?”
No. NO.
Billy was barely holding on, eyes glassy with unshed tears, trembling with rage. He was breathing, but he felt like something was choking him. He had no control, no control at all. It was devastating. He felt like he had been kicked in the stomach over and over again. Neil’s words were as painful as his fists. His dad’s orders were as agonizing as his punches.“ISN’T THAT RIGHT?” The man, who wasn’t even taller than his son, suddenly towered over him, his tenebrous fury shaking the child to his core.“Yes sir.” He breathed weakly, fighting himself to keep his eyes leveled with his dad’s.He flinched when Neil took a step closer to him, leaning in like Billy’s answer hadn’t thundered in the deadly silent room.“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”
Breathe. Breathe-breathe- don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry.
“Yes.” He repeated sorely. “Sir.”Neil stared at him, searching for arrogance, for fear. His dad was looking for this terror he knew he was installing in his child’s soul.“Find Max.” He ordered, the finality of his voice like a stab in the young man’s heart.His dad stepped away, leaving his dark, suffocating presence hovering over Billy, and the blond broke down when the door of his room was closed.Perfect. Fucking perfect.That fucking bitch. That fucking bitch. Fucking Maxine.That fucking bitch had disappeared – again – and right under his fucking nose. She knew, she fucking knew what would happen to Billy if she did something like this. She knew he’d be the one punished for her mistakes, for her disobedience, for her fucking attitude and disrespect. Max knew, and she had fucking ignored it.Fucking- FUCK!Billy was going to kill her. If Neil didn’t kill him first, Billy swore he’d peel her skin off her fucking bones.She was fucking dead. D. E. A. D.Dead.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Finding the bitch was easier said then done.Billy had close to zero idea where she could be, and it’s not like he was going to roam around town without at least a little lead on her whereabouts.He figured he’d start with that boy’s house, since Max seemed to be friends with him. Or not. Billy really couldn’t give less of a shit. Max would face his wrath either way.Shitbird.He was going to kill her.That was what he kept remind himself as he slammed the door od his car close, glaring at the front door of the Sinclairs home. There was no car in the driveway, but Billy could see through the living room blind that someone was watching TV.He would have expected to meet Mr. or Mrs. Sinclair, would have been all charming and respectful like the ‘good, kind brother’ that he wasn’t, but the door swung open to reveal a gremlin in pyjamas and a frankly irritated expression on her face.Obviously, this was Sinclair’s little sister, and judging by the look in her eyes, she was less than happy. Billy stared at her, unprepared. He hadn’t expected a child to answer the door so uncaringly.“Huh, hi.”“Who are you?”Fucking rude, first of all. She shouldn’t be sounding so goddamn annoyed.“I’m Billy. Hargrove.Baby Sinclair made a face, clearly unimpressed – and sure, this wasn’t Billy’s most eloquent greeting, but h was a little taken aback here so give him some slack – by the blond, who was so much taller than her she should be looking at him with her neck cracked back, simply staring from under her knitted brows.“You look like a criminal.”Billy bit the inside of his cheek as the little girl judged him, seemly unafraid. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or scowl at her. What was she even doing answering the door like this, huh? What if Billy really had been a criminal? What then? She wouldn’t be able to do much to stop him with those small arms of hers. But she looked vicious, maybe she bit. Still, why was she answering him right now? Weren’t there any adults in this fucking house?“I wouldn’t have knock if I was a criminal.” He stated the obvious, impassible, choosing to shive his shimmering anger – lingering emotion of his little ‘talk’ with his dad – buzzing at his fingertips.He had this urge to punch a wall pulsing in his veins, and he didn’t want to play this little game he seemed trapped in with this kid, but he’d force himself to calm the fuck down to get the information he needed. The faster he’d get what he wanted, the faster he could fuck off.Her eyes narrowed, clearly inconvenienced by his logic. “...I guess.” She reluctantly agreed. “Doesn’t change the fact that you look like one.”Argh, she was such a little shit. Billy didn’t have time for this.“Where are you parents?” He wanted to leave right now, so things needed to speed up a little.“Out.” She replied curtly, giving him a judging glare from her full three feet tall, six-year-old height, maintaining eye-contact with his flat stare.Terrifying. Billy was trembling in his boots.“And they left you alone? Aren’t you like, seven?” He asked, eyes wide with judgment.Was everyone in small towns so fucking trusting of each other enough to leave their children alone in a house with no supervision whatsoever?“No, you blond freak. My parents didn’t leave me alone. And I’m nine, asshole, not seven. And it’s completely unfair because Lucas is twelve and he gets to do what he wants all the time.” She complained like a whiny little baby, making a face. “My babysitter fell asleep on the couch. She’s an incompetent. Never wants to play dolls with me or let me watch cartoons after dinner. And she says no ice cream after six. Like it changes something. She’s so stupid.”What the fuck was his life? Where the hell did he go wrong? He was discussing babysitter skills with that twerp like they were best friends. Fucking shit.“Yeah, she sounds stupid.” He agreed, royally uninterested. “Look, I’m looking for my stepsister, Max? Redhead, small, bit of a bitch? You know who I’m talking about?”“That new girl?”“Yeah, tHAt nEw giRL.” He repeated sarcastically.God he had no patience for this tonight.“She’s really cool, with her skateboard.” Baby Sinclair chose to fucking annoy him to death then, clearly not understanding that Billy was going to fucking lose his cool if she kept trying to distract him with her small talk.That skateboard was broken, thanks to Billy. She had deserved it.Or that was what he liked to remind himself when the guilt would creep in.“I think she’s even cooler than My Little Pony, but at the same time, nothing can be cooler than Applejack. But Max is a bit like Applejack, she even has orange hair, like Applejack. I guess that’s why I think she’s cool.”
Formidable.
“So, she’s here?”“Does it look like she’s here?” Bitch. “How did you even lose her in Hawkins? The place’s so small, you really are dumb if you managed to lose her here.”Billy’s eyes narrowed fiercely. That little... She was just asking for him to snap, wasn’t she? The little monster. Billy could appreciate the recklessness, the sheer bossy energy she had. She was almost cool. Almost. If she wasn’t so fucking irritating. If Billy wasn’t so already on edge with Neil breathing down on his neck and Max running off like there wouldn’t be any consequences.“Look, you little shit, I only asked you if you know where she is.”“Look, you mullet freak, I don’t know where your sister is, okay? I don’t care.” She grumbled, imitating him just because, and then rolling her eyes like she was suddenly remembering some piece of information that would liberate the Californian from this fucking nightmare. “I know she hangs out with my stupid brother and the losers he’s friends with, but I haven’t seen her today. Anyway, they’re probably all at Mike’s, or at Will’s, to play their dumb, nerd boardgame.” She scoffed, probably thinking they were all ridiculous, like she was above being as fucking nerdy as them. ‘My Little Pony’? Yeah, nerdy.“You mean Zombie Boy’s house?”It was messed-up for an entire town to bully a child like this, call him names, but Billy just wanted to make sure he wasn’t mistakenly going to knock at someone’s front door who wasn’t the ‘Will’ she was talking about.“It’s Will.” She was going to bite him; he could feel it.“When you say Mike, you’re talking about Wheeler’s little brother?” He chose to ignore her answer.“Duh.” She rolled her eyes like the fucking condescending little shit she clearly was. Billy had to admit he didn’t hate her attitude, even though she was wasting his fucking time and testing his patience. “What other Mike could I be talking about? You know another Mike in this town? I don’t think so.”Yep, she was an arrogant smartass. Billy had no fear for her well-being in the future given that she was respecting absolutely no one when it came to obvious questions and even more obvious answers. She was going to be an absolute savage. Billy prayed for whoever would be the victim of her wrath once she’d be taller than his knee.“Great. Thanks.” He said, not bothering to be civil as he whipped around and climbed back in his Camaro, his baby purring when he put the key in the contact, his lights illuminating a suspicious-looking Baby Sinclair just before she slammed the door of her house close.The blond scoffed, rolling his eyes and shifted gears before driving away.Next stop: the Wheelers’.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Billy was starting to wonder if everyone in this fucking town wasn’t some sort of science project gone wrong or something. First with that little shit Sinclair attacking him verbally, and now with... this.Honestly, the young Californian would have expected anything but to come face to face with a grown ass woman in her bathrobe to answer the insistent and annoying ringing of the bell he had going on for a minute there. She was probably Wheeler’s mom, judging by the mature-looking... everything, but Billy had an image to keep up with and his irritation disappeared the moment the door opened, leaving nothing but charming swagger on his features. Of course, he didn’t miss the way Mrs. Wheeler’s expression changed when she saw him, nor could he ignore the way she glanced at his unclothed chest, something lighting up in her eyes.The way she looked back up at his eyes was carnal and a shiver of disgust rolled down his spine, skin prickling under the attention he was receiving from a classmate’s fucking mom.“Oh. Hi.” He said, smiling broadly, lowering his gaze to her chest for a moment, playing the game, putting his hands in his jacket pockets to hide the way his fists curled, knuckles white.“Hi.” She answered, at loss, her hormones probably fucking with her mind because she kept looking at his body shamelessly, barely trying to hide her intrigued, perverse interest.“I, uh, didn’t realize Nancy had a sister.” He dropped his voice down an octave, words coated in honey-sweet flattery, making sure he kept his tone suave as Mrs. Wheeler chuckled, speechless, and Billy stared at her like he was trying to flirt because apparently it was working with that one, deciding to play dumb. “What’s so funny?” He asked, smooth and sure of himself in his skills to sway that mom right into his little game.“I’m Nancy’s mother.” Of fucking course she was, Billy could see it. Fucking cow, she was so goddamn easy to manipulate.“No.” He replied, faking disbelieving.“Yes.” She chuckled, highly flattered and probably imagining things already. He could see it shimmering in her eyes.The interest. Jesus fucking Christ, it was almost close to arousal. Billy shoved down a shiver of disgust, exclaiming quietly his not-real-at-all amazement. “Mrs. Wheeler.”“Um, I’m sorry.” She stammered, suddenly remembering she was basically flirting with a sixteen-year-old boy. Who happened to know his daughter because he was unfortunately stuck with the priss-bitch in all his classes. “And you are?”“Billy. Billy Hargrove.” He introduced himself, the light of her confused embarrassment vanishing as he took her hand in his, skin crawling at the contact.“You must be here for Nancy.”Fuck no he wasn’t. He would never be caught dead looking for fucking Nancy Wheeler.“Nancy?” He laughed lightly. “No, no, no. Not my type.” Really not. His type was taller and more muscular, with puffy hair and dark hazel eyes hiding a fire behind a cold façade. His type also happened to have a cock between the legs. His type was a preppy-looking rich jock who was called Steve Harrington, but nobody needed to know that. “Uh... No, actually, I am looking for my little sister Max. Goes by Maxine.”Mrs. Wheeler looked beyond confused again, and Billy was wondering if she even knew what was happening in her children’s lives. By the way Max had been acting lately, her ‘friends’ seemed to have pissed her off, and he would have expected the mother to at least be aware of the new girl who had befriended ‘Lucas and the losers he’s friends with’.“She’s been missing all day, and uh, to be honest with you, I’ve been worried sick, you know, so...” He lied through his teeth like a snake, keeping up with this picture of the perfect, kind older brother who just wanted to make sure his little sister wasn’t dying in some ditch in this fucking boring town.The cow he was speaking with seemed so moved by his concern, so weak for his little show, it was almost too fuckin easy. So Billy figured he could tempt her a little, because why not? She was already almost trying to eat him up with her eyes, maybe he could give her something to think about when she’d feel a little lonely. Or when her husband wouldn’t be able to satisfy her.Billy could hear him snore in the house.“I thought she was at Lucas’, but his sister said your house is the...” A boyish smile crept on the corner of his lips, staring intensely into her eyes. “...The designated hangout, so, you know... Here I am.” He leaned in, tilting his head a little cockily, wetting the inside of his bottom lip, pushing for indecency.Mrs. Wheeler melted, eyes fixated on his tongue, licking her won lips like she was suddenly feeling hot all over, and Billy’s skin was prickling like needles were being stabbed in his flesh. She had a little bit of trouble to speak, breathless, and Billy wanted to roll his eyes at her. Were Hawkins’ husbands so fucking boring and bad in bed that the mothers here had to lust after teenagers? Or was it just a Mrs. Wheeler’s thing? Billy had received enough hungry looks from those moms to know it was a wide-spread disease in this hick town. And it wasn’t like the husbands weren’t doing the same thing with girls like Chrissy Cunningham with her cheerleader uniform.Fucking hell, Billy hated this town.Mrs. Wheeler let him in, offering him home-baked cookies as she wrote down the instructions to get to the Byers, the last fucking house – hopefully – he’d have to drive to to find that fucking little shitbird. The woman’s robe had slipped at some point and Billy couldn’t more than disinterest in her cleavage as he took the paper from her hand with a slick snatch on his fingers.“When you see Mike, tell him to come home already, okay?” Oh now she was worried about her kid, huh? Billy wanted to get the fuck out of here. Now.“You’re a real lifesaver, you know that?” He smiled, snapping a cookie between his teeth and feeling like he was about to do the same, urging to shake that look in her eyes away from him.
God just fucking get me out of here.
“Anytime.”Oh he was sure she’d be more than fucking delighted to do this little fucked-up charade again. Anything to distract herself from that bland-looking ass husband she had sleeping on the lazy-boy there.“I’ll see you later.” He promised – as if – with a final penetrative look in her eyes, feeling her eyes tracking him like a predator as he walked out of her house.The rain of shivers that irrupted on his skin when he closed the door behind him shook him to the bone, crushing the cookie between his fingers and spitting the rest of it on the ground before he went back into the safety of his car.The itch under his skin remained, this violence brewing in his blood lingered, and even with his foot heavy on the gas pedal, he couldn’t scratch this irritating fury nested in his heart. The thorns of his pain dug in his lungs, he felt breathless because of his rage. He couldn’t help but feel he was slipping, blinded by this overwhelming storm of fear and anger.Billy had near to zero control in his life. He’d lose his shit soon; he could just feel it.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The dump Billy parked himself in front of was stuck between trash and a gloomy, dark wood. It wasn’t surprising since the entire town was surrounded by fucking woods, but his lights were stabbing through a faint fog, and that gave him the creeps. This entire place was giving him the heebie-jeebies. Billy’s eyes couldn’t see beyond the light, and for some reason the somber atmosphere hanging over the world’s asshole – literally. This house, it was literally in the world’s asshole. This was the most backwater-looking place he had ever seen in his life – was setting his instincts on edge.The blond’s attention was caught by movement on the Byers’ porch. Lean, tall legs, hands on oh so good-looking hips, a little frown on a perfect face and fluffy chestnut hair completing the signature look of a familiar-looking pretty boy.“Am I dreaming, or is that you, Harrington?”The violence shimmering under Billy’s skin was pushing to be let out, and now seeing Pretty Boy Steve Harrington standing in front of him like a frowning mother was doing things to him. Maybe it was the light in those brown eyes, that guarded wariness laying deep in his gaze. Harrington was playing nonchalant annoyance in seeing the Californian disrupting his evening, as his reply – full of bored indifference – showed Billy. Harrington’s less than excited tone of voice had Billy going fucking feral, his attitude – this ‘King Steve’ persona of cold inconvenience – like oil on the already furious fire of the blond’s emotions, like an electric shot lighting his nerves on fire. Billy couldn’t believe he’d see him tonight.Which prompted the question: what the fuck was Harrington doing here?Not only was this place absolutely a fucking wreck, a goddamn dump, but it was also not Harrington’s residence. Billy was pretty sure Harrington lived halfway across town, in one of those insanely gigantic mansions of Loch Nora’s perfect little neighborhood. Billy’s anger was bubbling like magma in his ribcage, his sight starting to tunnel down to what was in front of him, and what was in front of him was Harrington, blocking his path to the house, in which his fucking demoness of a little sis- of a stepsister was hiding. The blond nostrils flared, shaking his leg a little while he took a drag of his cigarette to chase his irritation, the violence, away.It wasn’t working.It wasn’t working because Harrington – the pretty, so fucking pretty-looking boy Billy was going insane for already – was fucking lying to him, lying and hiding Max from him, covering for her like a goddamn idiot because that bitch and her friends – and look at that, wasn’t that that boy he just saw? – were at the window and perfectly visible. Poor Harrington. He probably asked them to stay away from the window, but unfortunately for him, kids were fucking monsters and they didn’t listen to anyone, especially when their safety was on the line. And Billy’s mood was turning dangerously dark, horribly close to snap.He was going to lash out.He felt a little bad for Harrington. The guy looked so earnest in trying to protect Max from Billy’s anger. Sadly, Billy’s anger was blinding his ability to think like a fucking human being – it turned him into a monster, like his dad – and Harrington was on the ground before he had the time to explain why Max was in a stranger’s house with Steve Harrington and three other boys. And no adult in sight. No adult and a high school senior known to be the local heartbreaker in this town. Billy didn’t think Harrington was a creep, but his behaviour was not helping his case, so he didn’t feel all that bad – lie – when he kicked him in the chest, cutting the air from his lungs, and left him to wheeze in pain on the dirty ground in front of the Byers’ house.Max’s face when he kicked the door open and slammed it close behind him was worth a hundred slaps in the face, her terror clear in her eyes, her shame and apology on her features begging him to calm down. Billy didn’t give a shit about her guilt. She had ruined his night, he was going to ruin her fucking life.It probably wasn’t necessary to mention that Billy was a little bit fucking pretty much pissed.Taking out his anger on kids was not the way. It was not how Billy should have handled it. But he barely could hold himself together right now. The menacing shadow of his father was hanging above him, threatening to swallow him whole and corrupt him forever, and Billy shoved that boy against the shelving unit in the corner of the room, the thrill of violence that rolled down his shoulders making his sick. He was disgusted by himself, but his fury and his fear were blinding him from everything else.“You’re so dead, Sinclair!” He screamed, shouted over the rush of blood in his hears, over his own mind telling him to ‘STOP, BILLY STOP!’ “You’re dead.”Fury was replaced by excitement when Harrington came back to the rescue, punching him away from Sinclair and finally planting his fucking feet for once. Billy couldn’t help but laugh, dark adrenaline shooting up his veins. He laughed like he had been told the most hilarious fucking joke in this fucked-up world, laughed because the sting of the pain was real and he could barely feel it, laughed because he was exactly like his dad and it was killing him inside.Billy was losing control.“Looks like you’ve got some fire in you after all, huh?” He grinned like a maniac at the brunet. He could feel the blood tickling form his nose. Harrington had a mean punch, huh. Surprising. “I’ve been waiting to see this King Steve everybody’s been telling me so much about.” He stepped in the other guy’s space, almost going chest to chest with him, meeting Harrington’s glare with one of his own.Harrington lifted his hand to his chest, and when he touched his skin... Fucking hell, Billy’s fucking soul trembled. Heat spread from that single point where pale fingers pushed him back, the blond’s heart sinking to the bottom of his stomach like a fucking rock when he saw the rejection in those doe eyes.“Get out.”Billy’s sanity snapped. Honestly, it was inevitable. He was constantly being tested, constantly being pushed past his limit, and you would have thought he’d get used to it by now. Everything always hurt, and his own powerlessness to grab a hold on his own life was exhausting, infuriating. It made him dangerous, it made him paranoid, it made him angry.And that anger was putting everybody around him on edge. They were all walking on eggshells. Billy himself was walking on thin fucking ice.And now the ice was cracking, the echoes of his shattered reason like the rumbles of thunder in this desolated field of icy emptiness that was burning in his heart.Billy knew he had to stay calm. He knew he needed to keep his cool, to think rationally, to not get his anger fuck up everything. He knew he had to keep control of himself, of his rage. He had to keep control. He had to keep a leash on himself. He had to.But here was the thing:Billy never had control.