Work Text
"I’ll wait then."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Okoye takes her time off. The weight of the last three months comes crashing down on her. She spends a week wasting away in her bed alone, shifting between listlessness and bouts of body shaking sobs.
It isn’t fair. Nothing is fair.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I need you to do something for me.”
He isn’t shocked by her presence anymore. She’s come and gone more times in the last three months than she has in the six years since their divorce.
“What do you need?”
“Your sperm.”
“Okoye—“
“Please. I just want a child.”
“Don’t do this.”
“You can’t say no to me. It’s the only thing I’ve ever asked for. I never wanted anything else.”
“Okoye.”
“Please don’t say no to me.”
“I can’t.”
The anger in her body is deafening. All she hears is a ringing in her ears, red behind her eyes, she’s cut from her body entirely.
“God, you are so fucking disappointing.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She spends the rest of her time off attempting to come to terms with the fact that she’ll never have a family of her own.
Certainly she doesn’t want to try again, she’s too rational to allow herself to be arranged for marriage.
She drinks her last hopes and dreams away.
Three days before she’s set to return to duty, she decides she ought to wrangle herself back to something approaching functional.
She cleans her house from ceiling to floor, rearranging her furniture and scrubbing the boards.
She cleans and folds three loads of laundry and polishes every dish she owns.
“Maybe,” she thinks aloud to herself. “I should show some Border tribe pride and start a garden.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The first day back is passable. She knows everyone knows but no one has the gall to address it with her.
Luckily, no one walks eggshells around her either. It’s better this way, not pretending but also not acting any differently.
She trains with Aneka, she attends meetings with Ayo, she’s updated on all the Talokanil politics.
She can do this. She’s done it for longer than she hasn’t. It’s just work. It’s all she has.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Okoye. You look… well. Welcome back.”
She nods at him before continuing to put her gear on. This particular reunion she hadn’t been looking forward to, nor did she feel prepared for it.
“I’m glad you’re back,” he says, trying again.
She inhales. “Thank you, Attuma.”
They look at each other. He stands several meters from her, forever poised as a warrior, though she can see the anxiety in his folded arms.
They’re both trying to decide where the line is between them now.
“Before we leave,” she speaks, because she’s afraid of what they’ll do if she doesn’t speak. “We should talk about the serum procedure.”
He comes to sit near her. She looks at her threaded fingers before her rather than at him sitting beside her.
“We should both carry antiserum with us from now on. We can’t risk you being injured and unable to heal when we’re in the west.”
He nods. “What’s brought this on?”
“It was something the general discussed with me before I took time off. Also, I had to carry you to the flyer last time, you couldn’t walk. We were both defenseless because I was trying to save you.”
“I was useless.”
“You’d never been hurt before. The serum makes it so you’re brown skinned on the surface but the price is your ability to regenerate.”
“I’ve been hurt before.”
“And not healed immediately after?”
He brings his hand up to his own cheek, tracing the scar of a cut across his jaw. Unbidden, her eyes follow his movement.
The scar of her own spear in his cheek. She can’t do this.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It’s not running away if she stays in the same room. She just needs to put space between them so she can breathe—so she can think.
She walks to the serum storage container, withdrawing a dose of the serum and two doses of the antiserum.
This was easier when he didn’t know, when she was operating out of pure spite and sheer rage.
Now she feels like a fuse, primed to blow but only she’ll be destroyed.
She attached the antiserum to her suit in a secret compartment that was added to this generation of the Midnight Angel’s suit.
She puts his in a protected vial designed to slide into the belt of his skirt. She gestures to him to take the vial and slide it into the hidden pocket of his own armor.
Then she takes his forearm, finding the thick vein colored gold beneath his blue skin, injecting him with the serum.
She watches his cerulean skin fade to tawny brown. It’s a quick thing—watching his Talokanil features recede. After a minute Attuma reaches up to remove his rebreather.
She steps back, disposing of the needle, but also separating them again.
“You never let me explain.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Her shoulders scrunch at his voice behind her. “Tell me.”
“I didn’t destroy the beads because we were cutting ties—“
“That’s what you said.”
“I know but— just let me finish. Let me say my part and we’ll leave it.”
He waits for her to respond but she doesn’t.
“I thought we might have finally been getting somewhere. I thought we might make things official between us finally. At least that’s how it felt for me. You were opening up. We spent so much time laughing and enjoying each other, I thought…”
He shakes his head.
“Then Ch’ah T’oh gave the order that we cut ties with Wakanda. And he told us why. And I couldn’t believe it. My first thought was to call you. You would have set the record straight. You would have told me the truth.
“I was reprimanded for talking back. I’d never spoken out of line. And Ch’Toh said there were thousands of Talokanil who would gladly take my place if I wasn’t up for it. I was out of options.
“You have to know that I was in love with you. That I am in love with you.”
She gasps at his admission, back still turned to him.
“But I was trapped. I couldn’t show it or K’uk’ulkan would have killed me. So I crushed the beads. Not because I was cutting ties, per se, but because I was too tempted to call you and set things right. And because they were reminders of what I almost had—what we almost had.”
“On the ship, it looked like you wanted to kill me.” She turns to him, accusingly.
“I could never have. I was trying to figure a way out of it that wouldn’t make me look like a traitor—but he sent me there specifically because he knew you’d be there. It was a test.
“But you figured it out. Found a way to keep us from hurting each other. Aneka never thought you were a traitor. She let you work it out. I would’ve never been afforded the same grace.”
She looks down at her hands. “Attuma…”
He steps toward her. “I know nothing I say will make up for the choice you had to make when I was unreachable. But I would have been thrilled to start this journey with you. I know there’s nothing I can do to change the past and that you’ll probably never have me again, but…”
He brings his palms to her cheeks, wiping her silent tears with his thumbs. “I love you. And I’ll be here if you ever change your mind, but I won’t press for more than simply being your partner.”
She grasps his hands. The tears fall faster now. “I can’t—“
He wipes the tears away. “ I know,” he whispers.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
They actually make for good partners. As the greatest warrior of their respective realms, they match each other for wit and speed, capable of making the hard decisions quickly, and protective.
Protective of their nations. Protective of their fellow warriors. Protective of each other.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Truthfully, had Okoye known she’d spend most of her stint as a Midnight Angel patrolling and fighting colonizers in the Atlantic, she might’ve reconsidered Shuri’s offer. She joined the squadron because she couldn’t have imagined a life not fighting to protect Wakanda. She didn’t think that protection would invariably grow to include Talokan, the same nation that shamed her.
But here she was.
The thing about colonizers is that they used guns. Primitive, third generation, gunpowder stuffed, steel missile shooting, guns. What they lacked in skill and agility, they made up for in rapidity and force.
You didn’t need skill to shoot a gun. But to dodge bullets was a different story.
Even without the bulky, Midnight Angel suit, Okoye is bulletproof. She wields her spear far faster than any bullet could fly and the tip of her spear is sharp enough to slice bullets in half midflight.
The same cannot be said for Attuma.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She sees him go down, but the fight’s not over yet. She steps over him as he lays prone on the deck of the ship they’re infiltrating.
“Can you get the antiserum?” She asks, though she’s not looking at him. A sniper fires at her from an even higher deck. She refracts the bullet with her spear tip while simultaneously throwing a dagger in the direction the bullet comes from. It slices the unseen gun straight down the middle from the barrel through the scope, cutting the shooter’s skull clean in half before lodging itself into the wall behind him.
“I’ll turn blue.”
“Just do it!” He’s bleeding out fast. She can’t take losing a partner right now, so they’ll deal with the repercussions of him being blue later.
He reaches for the syringe hidden in his loincloth at the same time that free divers parasail onto the deck, firing freely.
“Fuck,” she yells. Enabling the helmet and wings to her suit, she leaps into the sky, slicing parachutes as she reaches them. For the time being, Attuma, as an individual, is forgotten, her only thought is protecting herself and her partner.
There’s a twinge in her shoulder but she can’t process it right now. She begins firing sonic shots at her assailants, sending electrical currents left and right and center as she goes.
It’s only her, now, versus perhaps fifteen others. She needs to end this, now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She crashes back onto the deck of the boat.
Around her are the mangled bodies of all the colonizers she’s killed and Attuma. Attuma, whose skin is still brown, and whose bleeding hand holds the crushed syringe of the antiserum he wasn’t able to take.
“Shit, shit, shit!” She doesn’t have time to think or process. The bombs have already been set. Her wings are too pierced through for her to fly them to safety. Her only hope is to get them to water.
She takes her vial of the antiserum and doses him, not even stopping to check if he’s breathing or if his heart is beating. She tosses him overboard, diving right after him.
He hasn’t turned blue, like she expects him to. She tries to hold him above the currents, but her arms aren’t working. Her shoulders are twinging beyond belief.
They’re still so close to the ship when it explodes.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The first thing she becomes aware of is the faint hum of fluorescent light bulbs. Not the light itself. She tries to lift her hands to ward off the bright light behind her lids but her arms won’t move.
“She’s awake,” a voice calls. She knows that voice but can’t name it.
And truthfully, she’s not awake.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The second thing she becomes aware of is the hand holding hers in a vice grip. Then, the fact that she can feel her hand again. It’s weird she becomes aware of someone holding her before she becomes aware of herself as a person first.
When she goes to open her hands this time, they do open. The bright lights have her closing them again. She finds she’s still not ready yet.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The third thing she becomes aware of is the gravelly voice calling her name.
“Okoye, wake up.”
“Wake up, Angel.”
“Come on, Okoye, wake up, please.”
That hand is still holding hers, and she can hear the hum of the fluorescent lights behind his voice. She’s so comfortable, though. She doesn’t want to wake up.
“She is awake,” another voice says.
“I don’t want to be,” Okoye groans in response.
Beside her, Attuma shifts bringing her hand to his masked lips. “Praise Cha’ac,” he sighs. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“Not yet,” she groans. “What happened?” Her eyes flicker to Shuri, who’s perched herself onto the foot of the bed.
Shuri looks solemn. “Well, you discovered a flaw in the suit. One of the parasailers shot you from above, pierced your right shoulder at an angle and lodged itself into your left rib cage between the third and fourth.”
The shock must show on Okoye’s face. She can’t remember the last time she was actually shot.
Shuri rushes to reassure her. “All the muscle damage has been repaired. You might feel a little stiffness because outside of the physical therapy we performed while you were out, you haven’t moved.”
“How long was I out?”
Shuri looks at her watch. “Four days, 2 hours, and 37 minutes.”
“A good night’s sleep, then.” Okoye smirks. No one else finds her funny. “What else happened?”
Attuma, who’s been holding her hand, pressing masked kisses into the back of her palm, and watching her like a silent hawk until now speaks up. “You saved us.”
Okoye scrunches her eyebrows. “You didn’t administer the antiserum?”
“I was shot in the hand. The syringe was shattered.”
“But I administered it and you still weren’t turning blue.”
“You’re not the only one who almost died,” he whispers.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She turns to look at Shuri again because the burning passion in his eyes is too much for her to deal with.
“My theory is he was so close to death, the antiserum took longer to work than our previous tests had seen. I’m sure he could explain it better, but essentially, the antiserum was working with such a limited supply of blood that its effects took longer to manifest. From what he’s explained, I surmise he lost nearly half of his blood capacity before you administered your antiserum.”
“So even though we were in the water, he was still more human than Talokanil.”
“I think being in the water helped speed up the process. That was a smart move on your part.”
“I was out of options. The ship was going to blow any second.”
“I came-to after the explosion. The ocean was on fire. You were passed out.”
“Something hit me.”
Shuri nods, “you did show signs of a concussion but we were unsure what caused it. Your brain scans have come back normal, by the way. Four days of shuteye is the prescribed medicine for concussions so it worked out.”
“How did I get back here?”
“I brought you.”
“You swam back to Wakanda?” He nods.
“Protocol is to retreat to the nearest kingdom.”
“I couldn’t save you in Talokan.”
There’s a moment where no one says anything. He looks at her as intently as he has been and she is shy of his gaze all over again.
“Attuma… Can you–Can you give me a moment with Queen Shuri? Just a moment.”
He hesitates, before standing and removing his mask. He bends to kiss her on the forehead before replacing his mask and walking out.
She watches him go, a shell-shocked expression still plastered across her face.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Shuri chuckles. “You know he refused to leave your side the four days you were out?”
Okoye’s eyes flit to her. “Really?”
“He said if he left your side it would be because you asked him to go and only then would he leave. Even Ch’ah T’oh couldn’t get him to leave. He said he would rather shrivel up into a blue raisin than leave your side.”
“For Bast’s sake!” Okoye groans, covering her face with her hands.
Shuri laughs again. “Okoye, I’d never assume–”
“We aren’t together. That part ended when he crushed his kimoyo beads the first time around.”
“Maybe it ended for you.” Shuri replies.
“I can’t deal with this right now,” Okoye says.
“Right,” Shuri clears her throat. “What is it you wanted to talk to me about that he couldn’t listen in on?”
“It isn’t working.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I’d come to the same conclusion.”
“They want to eradicate colonials all over and all we’ve accomplished is declaring war on any ship that sails through Talokanil waters. It isn’t working.”
“That’s how I’ve been feeling. Certainly it isn’t worth the cost of life.”
“We have to authorize plan B.”
Shuri looks at her. “A lot of people will die.”
“A lot of people are dying, have died, and will continue to die. We’ve tried Plan A. It isn’t working.”
“We’ll have to vote on it. The same folks who opposed before, will oppose now.”
“I know.”
“Well then,” Shuri stands. “At least I know where you stand on the matter. Get some rest. Things are only going to get harder as we proceed.”
She walks toward the door. “I’ll send your Shark Rider back in. I’m sure he’s listening at the door anyway.”
Okoye kisses her teeth at the nickname. He’s not hers.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Attuma comes in and immediately takes his previous position, sitting at her bedside, her hand clasped in his, pressed against his face.
She’d noticed, as he walked in, all the pock marks of gunshot wounds across his chest and abdomen and even in his legs. Circles of puckered flesh litter his whole body.
He sees her looking as he sits. “The serum wasn’t administered soon enough to prevent the scars.”
She shudders.
“It's not your fault,” he reassures her.
“I know,” she says.
“You were amazing as always.”
“You’re just saying that. Had you not had the serum, you’d have been fighting there right beside me.”
“I’m nothing without the blessing of Cha’ac.”
Okoye’s inhale is a hiccup. “That’s the thing about engaging with colonizers. You invariably have to play by their rules.”
He grimaces and she laughs bitterly.
“Maybe there’s a different way to fight this war.” She says.
“Maybe I want to talk about something other than the war,” he replies, scooting closer to her bedside and pressing her hand into his masked lips again.
“Attuma,” she says through a yawn.
“Rest,” he commands.
“But–”
“Rest. I’ll be here when you wake.”
Her eyes are already drooping. It must be the medicine in her IV or the exhaustion her body’s been staving off for months. In the blur of her vision, he’s taking off his mask and leaning forward to press kisses into her cheeks and forehead again.
Then sleep takes her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Attuma is patently not there when she wakes, but Ayo and Aneka are. Ayo spots her confusion when she wakes. “We sent Attuma to have a shower. He was starting to smell like a swamp.”
Okoye laughs. “I’m surprised he listened.”
“He didn’t have a choice.” Aneka chimes in. “I threatened to dose him with the serum and drag him out myself if he didn’t go. Besides, I said you wouldn’t want to see him if he smelled like a dead crocodile carcass. That seemed to put fire under his ass.”
Okoye rolls her eyes.
“Anyone can see he’s in love with you,” Ayo says. “Don’t be surprised when we comment on it now. You do destructive things when people don’t point out the obvious for you.”
“Are you really here to discuss Attuma with me?”
Aneka and Ayo pause, looking at each other the way married people do when they’re communicating telepathically.
“We spoke to the Black Panther,” Aneka says.
“Are you sure?” Asks Ayo.
Okoye nods. “I think it’s the only way. We’ve had too many close calls as it is.”
“That’s for sure,” Aneka says. “Namora is in worse shape than you are. Ch’ah T’oh wouldn’t let us treat her until it was nearly too late.”
“You took her to Talokan?”
“It was closer.”
Okoye nods. “I might have died had he taken me there. Some wonder in all his panic he still managed to get me here.”
“Are we back on that topic?” Ayo asks.
“No.”
“Fine. Let’s talk about Plan B.”
“Namely,” Aneka continues for her wife. “How we’re going to convince M’Baku that it’s the right path.”
“I don’t think he’ll be that hard to convince this time around. He just wanted us to make sure all other options were exhausted before we took this path.”
“You think he’ll agree, then?”
Okoye nods.
Just then, Attuma comes storming back into the room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“You told me you’d call me when she woke!”
Ayo doesn’t even deign to look his way. “I lied,” she says in a bored tone.
Aneka snickers.
Attuma steps to Okoye’s bedside taking her hand. “She’s exhausted and you waste her waking hours with discussions of war.” He scoffs.
“We’re at war.” Ayo replies, impatiently. “The war you brought to our doorstep in case you’ve forgotten.”
“Still. She needs rest.”
“She can speak for herself,” Okoye says.
“Of course,” Attuma replies immediately, bringing her hand to his unmasked lips. “Forgive me,” he says against her pulse point.
Her eyes flutter from his to Ayo’s then Aneka’s, confusion running rampant across her features. Aneka laughs again, standing from her perch on the hospital bed.
“We’ll leave you two to it, then” she laughs.
“I’ll let you know what the rest of the council votes.” Ayo calls behind her retreating form.
Then, she’s alone with Attuma again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I know what you’re planning to do.” He sits beside her again.
“Are you going to talk to me about war, too?”
“No,” He scowls at the sheets beside her waist. “No, I never want to speak of war again.”
“You’re a warrior,” she says incredulously. “All you’ve ever done is prepare for battle.”
“That was before I ever had anything to lose.”
She inhales sharply. “Attuma…”
“Listen, Okoye. You can say you don’t love me, that you’ll never have me. I don’t care.
I love you.
That means something to me.”
She wants to run. She takes her hand from his, looking for an out.
“You saved my life. Twice. That’s a debt I have to repay.” He can see she’s thinking about running but he has to get through this. “I know what you’re planning to do,” he repeats. “And you had better survive so I can spend the rest of forever repaying my debt to you.”
“Attuma!” Her voice is just an exhale.
He kisses her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was a bloodbath. She knew it would be. But the war had to be taken out of their realm and into the realm of those who threatened them. And that’s where all her work was conducted. They couldn’t maintain their own quality of life and stay on the defensive forever.
International governing bodies and military bases were all targeted. Naval sites were categorically removed from the Atlantic with little prejudice. Nuclear sites were decommissioned by force, raw materials removed. Any poor soldier or marine who opposed them was dealt with immediately and permanently. And there were many.
It was a bloodbath.
But it got the message across.
Stay.
Out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“The French National bank is divesting from all African Banks as we speak,” A war dog reports during the council meeting. Okoye has lost count of all the spies in their midst. “Several states in Central Asia have declared independence from China.”
“The Mexican and Guatemalan governments have both issued statements saying they will no longer be encroaching on indigenous lands.” Nakia says. “Brazil is likely to be a federation of free indigenous tribes in the Amazon before the end of the month.”
“And the Americans?” Ayo probes.
“They’ve chosen the civil war route. Though without access to any of their gun manufacturing or missile stations, I’m sure it’ll be a quick thing. We have several War Dog chapters in place to lead the Lost Tribe.”
Ayo nods. “The bloodshed continues, then?”
“We knew it would,” Okoye replies. “Our part was in setting the record straight. How others respond is their choice.”
“Likelihood of this coming back to us?”
“I kept my suit on. I don’t think anyone suspects Wakanda, even now. The mask and the wings imply alien tech more than anything surface bound.”
“Give me a percentage.”
“3 percent-ish. Certainly there will be those looking to blame anyone, but so far, we have no reason to worry.”
“You realize we’ve brought war to the entire surface of the planet,” M’Baku speaks for the first time since they began this trek.
“It was time the ledger was balanced.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She steps out of the throne room and is immediately lifted and pressed into the far wall of the entryway.
“Attuma!” she says, shocked. “Put me down.”
“No.” His face is pressed into her neck as he holds her against the wall. Behind him, she can see her compatriots staring but she’s helpless to do anything without making even more of a scene.
She wraps her arms around him, patting his back. “I’m okay,” she whispers to him. “I’m fine.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“You’ve been gone for months. You haven’t called once. No one has heard from you.”
So they’re doing this here. He’s still holding her, face pressed into her neck. He speaks into the small space between them.
“I couldn’t call, you know that.”
“I didn’t like not knowing if you were okay. It’s been weeks. We’re partners and you were out there fighting alone.”
She looks down at their position and thinks they might be a little more than partners. “It’s not fun, is it? Not hearing from someone you care about for weeks on end.”
He squeezes her tighter, not responding. He knows the point she’s making but he’s unwilling to address it. Not yet.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Attuma, you can let go now.”
“Three more seconds.” She huffs at his ridiculousness. The entry hall has emptied by now, though everyone has seen the way he holds her like she’ll disappear any moment now.
He puts her down, finally. “Thanks,” she says, but in the next moment he’s kissing her again.
She’s angry all over. She jerks her face back, scowling. “I told you not to do that anymore.”
“I missed you.”
“You can’t just kiss me because you’re feeling a big emotion.”
“Forgive me.” She’s too exasperated to fight. It’s her own damn fault for not kicking his ass all those weeks back in her hospital room, he thinks this kind of behavior is acceptable.
“We aren’t together, Attuma.”
“I want to be.”
She rolls her eyes. He’s been so open with her, more open than he was when they were actually sleeping together.
“Perhaps we should take some more time apart.”
“No.”
She raises an eyebrow at him.
“No. I won’t do it again unless you request it.”
She sighs, handing him her duffel. “Walk me home.”
He takes the bag and follows her out without a word.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He hesitates at the steps to her home. She’s already unlocked the door and opened it before she realizes he’s paused. “What is it?”
He hesitates, still. “I’ve never…” She looks behind her at the bungalow she’s called home for the last six years since her divorce. “No, we never
did
do anything at my place, did we?” She steps backward into her home, toeing off her shoes as she goes.
“Come in, Attuma.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He stumbles in after her, dropping the bag and taking off his own shoes as he steps inside. His eyes are everywhere, taking in this part of her that she’s kept private all this time.
Okoye goes to the kitchen for water and to give him time to snoop. Instead, he follows her, wonder in his eyes.
“Okoye.” She can’t put a name to his expression. He takes three giant steps toward her, backing her into the wall. She’s afraid he’ll kiss her again and she really will have to kick his ass but at the last second he drops to his knees before her, pressing his face into her abdomen and wrapping his arms around her waist.
“I can’t take this distance between us,” he says. “I thought I’d be fine waiting but I want you every single second of every day. I’m so weak for you.”
She peers down at him. “What?” Her voice is like a drop of water in the ocean.
“I’m weak. Tell me what I need to say, what I need to do, and I’ll do it. I just want to be with you. Please.”
Something in her snaps. It’s like a levy breaking, she feels the pressure spill out of her.
“Stand up.”
“Don’t make me leave. I’ll get it together. I’ll be better.” He hangs onto her waist, not standing.
“Attuma. Stand. Up.”
Her commanding tone has him clambering back to his feet, though he doesn’t let go of her waist.
His face is blotchy with tears. His skin is a gradient of violet to cerulean. With her right hand, she wipes the tears from his cheeks. With her left, she unclasps the rebreather from his face.
“I thought I was alone,” she says. “I’m weak for you, too.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He closes the space between them, kissing her like she’s water and he’s parched.
She pulls back, too overwhelmed. She searches his eyes but what she’s looking for, she doesn’t know.
He watches her watch him. After a moment, she’s pulling him into her again, kissing him like she’s always wanted to but never allowed herself to.
She’s so weak for him. His touch ignites her. She’s burning inside. “I can’t!” She breaks the kiss again. “I can’t do this.”
“I feel it, too.” His forehead is pressed to hers, eyes screwed shut. “Everytime we’re in the same room, and it’s even worse when we aren’t. Feels like the only thing that makes it better is when you look at me, speak to me, touch me. I used to be so afraid of it. But I’m not running anymore. I’m not hiding.” He pulls her ever closer to himself. “Don’t run from me. Don’t hide.”
“How can I know you won’t leave again?”
“How could I leave when you’ve worked so hard to create a world where we can actually be together?”
“That’s not why I did it.” Her voice doesn’t shake now.
“Don’t tell me it wasn’t part of it.”
She shakes her head. “I wasn’t thinking about the future.” She traces the pock marks littering his chest, places where his gunshot wounds healed but left scars. They’re paler now, since the last time she saw him two months ago, but they’re still there. “If we continued the way we were going,
I
was going to lose
you
.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
His inhale is sharp. He brings her face up until they’re eye level. “You love me?”
She bites her lip. “You know I do.”
“Say it.”
“Attuma.”
“Say. It.”
“I love you.”
The wide smile that breaks across his face is blinding. She looks away, to his scarred chest again, to anywhere but the love in his eyes.
He kisses her forehead, her cheeks, her neck, before whispering into her ear: “There are other ways to show you love someone than declaring war on the world.”
She huffs. “I didn’t declare war. I ended it.”
“That’s just semantics.” He laughs before lifting her back into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. “Lead me to your bedroom and let me properly thank you for it.”
“It’s not that large a house,” she leans closer to him. “I trust you to find it.” Then she’s kissing him again as he walks them blindly to her bedroom.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She gives birth exactly thirty seven weeks after the day she returned from battle.
It’s no surprise she’d fallen pregnant considering Attuma didn’t let her out of his sight or out of his arms for three whole days after she returned. His seed seemed to reject all condoms and avoid her birth control’s detection.
She was already a month pregnant before she had realized and needed an entire second month to gather the courage to tell him.
The third month of her pregnancy was filled to the brim with her endless anxiety. Sometimes, she’d refuse to even leave her home for fear that even the sun would cause her to lose her baby. She never loved anything so much in her life. She was never so afraid of anything in her life as she was of losing her child.
And all the while, there was Attuma standing beside her, attempting to protect her from her imagined threats, and never judging her for the fear that coursed through her veins.
In her darkest days, she blamed him. She called him names and kicked him out and threw his things out of her house. And he took it all in stride, accepting this as penance for the pain he was putting her through, even now, as she was pregnant with his child.
But the weeks passed. And the doctors told her that while nothing is impossible, she was less likely to miscarry this late in her pregnancy. So she began to breathe easier and her anxiety lessened. Attuma sneakily began bringing his things back into her home, hoping she wouldn’t toss him out again.
And more weeks passed. They began to argue whether their child should have a Wakandan name or a Talokanil name, but they both agreed that regardless Okoye should be the one to name the child.
And still, more weeks passed. She began refusing to leave her home for yet another reason. She was too large and too tired to go anywhere. She found herself napping in the most innocuous of places. Wherever her body found rest is where she slept, whether on the couch or, embarrassingly enough, on the toilet. And the Wakandan heat kept her indoors because she hated being sticky with sweat.
Then, they were making plans for her birthing and Attuma made his only request. A singular thing that still required his own courage to even ask it.
“Will you give birth in water?” His voice is quiet as he kneels on the floor beside where she rests on the couch with her feet propped up. “All Talokanil are born in water.”
She looks at him with a love she never thought would grow between them. “Of course,” she says, because how could she deny him. “It’s
our
child. Ours.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He carries her to the bedroom, depositing her gently on the bed. Already, her hands are unfastening his armor as he reaches to unzip her suit. She pauses in her movements so that he can peel the tightly threaded fabric from her arms and chest, exposing her breasts. Then her hands are back on him, grasping his shoulders, then delving into his hair.
He leans over her where she sits on the bed, his own hands paused in removing her suit as he gets lost in the feel of her kiss. He could stay in this moment forever if she’d let him.
When they break for air, his idle hands go back to work, pulling her suit from under her hips and off her legs entirely. Immediately his fingers find her center. She’s warm and wet for him already.
She gasps at his touch. It’s been six months since he–or any one for that matter–has touched her like this. He licks his fingers, tasting her, lubricating his digits, before he returns them to her clitoris.
She moans into their next kiss.
“How do you want me?” he asks, eager to please. She opens her eyes to find him watching the pleasure transform her expressions.
“On your knees,” she replies, using her grasp on his shoulders to push him down to a kneeling position before her.
It’s reminiscent of the last time they were intimate, when their roles were reversed, and she’d sucked him to nearly an inch of his life before demanding that he fuck her.
He’d called her weak then. All the pieces seem to fit together now and he understands why she was so hesitant to take him back.
I thought I was alone.
She’d said.
I’m weak for you, too.
He kisses the inner side of her knee. His hands rub up and down her calves and he kisses her other knee before speaking. “I was always weak for you. From the moment you cut my face with your spear, I always needed just one more second of your time.” He kisses her inner thigh, biting just a little. Her fingers find their way into his hair again.
“I kept telling myself ‘Next time. I’ll set things right with her. I’ll tell her how I really feel.’ But I was so scared you’d leave. I’d convinced myself the sex and the little time we spent together was enough. I could be satisfied with that. But I wanted it all.”
She tightens her grip in his hair as he kisses her other thigh, edging ever closer to where she wants him to be.
“Everything was so new back then. I never thought you’d ever have me. But I still wanted you. I’ve always wanted you. I’ll always want you.”
She yanks him forward at the same time that she bends down to meet him in a biting kiss. “Show me,” she demands. “Please show me.”
He rests her knees on his shoulders before scooting her hips to the edge of the bed and pressing her back into the matress.
He kneels at her temple and makes praise with his tongue between her lips. Every moan he pulls from her is a blessing bestowed upon him and he doesn’t stop until her throat gives, until she’s breathless, and quivering, and boneless with satisfaction. It’s a prayer he intends to make every day for the rest of his life. He’ll stay knelt at her altar until she deems him forgiven or casts him aside, but until either eventuality he has nowhere else to be.
He kisses up her abdomen and chest as she breathes heavy breaths, recovering from her climax. He lays beside her, pressing kisses into every bit of her skin that he can reach.
When her breath is nearing normal again, she says “I’m not done with you, yet.”
He pauses in his adoration of her shoulders and neck. “Do you have… protection?”
She nods. “Top drawer in the bedside table.”
He leans over to grab one, expecting a few small packets. What he finds instead is a full, unopened box, of condoms. He looks at her, eyebrows raised.
“I was working up the courage to invite you over but… I never got the chance.”
He looks back at the box in his hands. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”
She sits up, taking the box from him, opening it. “It’s okay,” she takes out a condom, opening it. “We’re here now.”
She rolls the condom onto him before pushing him backward and climbing on top. “We’re here now, and that’s what matters.”