Work Text
January 1, 2019
The scenes on the projector pass by in soulless motions.Chenle finds himself in the attic of his grandma’s house, watching the video in front of him play in front of his eyes, the reflections of his past making him want to crawl out of his skin.He watches scenes of his hometown. Scenes of the beach and the sea hitting the shore. What once used to calm him down, is now weighing him down on his shoulders, not letting him breathe. It’s the first time he’s watching this movie, and he’s watching it alone. He didn’t think he’d have to ever experience it alone.Another scene flashes by– the scene from in front of the town hall. An obnoxious peace sign is quickly put into the shot, making the young boy chuckle. Another one takes its place as the shot of a pair of shoes walking by the store he used to work at greets the projector; the next one reminding him of the shot of the evening town he took while he walked home from the grocery store one day.This is the movie capturing his youth. The movie he made, the movie he always wanted to make. It doesn’t feel as rewarding as he imagined it to feel, though. It feels like guilt and sadness and looks dark despite the saturated whites he captured with the camera. It tastes bitter in his tongue and makes acid fill up his stomach, it makes him crawl inside of his own skin and bite down on his nails in nerves.An image of a young boy takes place on the screen as he foolishly twirls around on the beach. Another one of the same boy laughing from up close. The next one shows him lost in thought, only a few meters away.This is how he remembers him, Chenle thinks.A scene of the two of them laughing together. There’s no sound, but he can still make out how his laugh sounded and how it always made him feel at ease. This is where he chokes up– this is where it really gets to him.The short movie ends with a scene he took only a week ago. A scene of the train passing by. The same scene that finally makes him break down and cry, his whole body shaking with sobs and despair. This is not how he imagined his movie to be. Their movie. This is not how he wanted it to end.“You were supposed to be here with me,” Chenle whispers, choking on his words, “we were supposed to watch it together.”
December 27, 2018
“I was far too scared to hit him, but I would hit him in a heartbeat now,” his voice is stern and serious, the cracking of his knuckles only further proving the anger bubbling up on his insides. The frown on his face contrasts with the calm flowing of the snow behind the windows, the Christmas decorations sprawled out all around the office laughing in his face in irony.Chenle didn’t celebrate Christmas this year. He wasn’t in the mood- much like every year, anyway, but this time, he wasn’t forced to sing Christmas carols with his cousins and pretend that he likes the gifts carefully wrapped underneath the Christmas tree. It’s not like he finds enjoyment in the fragments of the cheapest things his family could buy with the little money they’ve managed to save up over the course of the whole year just for this single day alone anyway. He’s no adult, but he thinks that keeping the money for more important necessities is far more important than spending it for useless gifts, which were meant only for the sake of giving, and not actually making the other one happy.They didn’t force him to act happy and full of joy this year, because, frankly speaking, this was the first year they finally believed him when he told them he didn’t feel like celebrating. It’s almost humorous how they needed something so crucial to happen to acknowledge the sadness their beloved son has been carrying in his heart the past seventeen years. It’s hard to feel happy when you live in conditions like these. He’s always been ‘too young’ to feel sad before, though. It almost makes him chuckle.“Hit who?” she asks, voice calm and considerate. Somewhere along the way, these weekly sittings have started to feel like a police interrogation rather than a therapy session- Chenle doesn’t mind anymore, though. Everything lost its true colors after Jisung left anyway. There’s no purpose in fighting anymore– yet, his blood boils and skin itches every time he thinks of the person behind all of this, his hands clam into fists every time he remembers his name.“You know who,” Chenle snickers, rolling his eyes. Does she even listen to him? He’s fairly certain he’s mentioned his name countless times before. If they truly want him to get better, they should listen to what he has to say. Ignorance is what caused all of this in the first place and this is all only adding to the problem.The only sound heard in the silence of the small office is the clock ticking on the wall. The sound used to make him anxious before– signaling the time going by, signaling how he’s running out of time and everything is passing by far too quickly for his poor brain to register. Now, after all of this, when he knows he has nothing else to lose, the sound is oddly comforting. Maybe when enough time passes, he wouldn’t have to carry all the guilt, sadness and weight on his shoulders and in his small, pained heart. Time heals everything, after all, isn’t that right? That’s what his mother always used to tell him.Time passes by without him doing anything– without him even moving a finger. It used to frighten him before, it used to even disgust the boy, for he used to put no effort and still have everything, or so it seemed, but now… the reality’s different. He doesn’t care for what’s happening around him anymore. He has no intention to even pay attention to it at all.“Chenle… didn’t you do that already, though? That’s… that’s why you’re here, remember?” she says, her tone still so ironically sweet and caring. It’s like looking after a broken child– only god knows Zhong Chenle might just be that, though. A broken, broken boy trying to fix every single piece on his insides all by himself. He won’t let anyone help. They don’t care enough for him to trust them.That’s why he’s in therapy? He thought… nevermind.Maybe anger is much more cruel to the world than a broken heart of a seventeen year old boy. Nobody tries to look past the anger. Once you hit someone, that’s all you are– an aggressor, a cruel, violent person. A danger to society that needs to be fixed.“Did I?” he asks, eyes glossy and mind hazy. He always forgets, for some reason. It’s a weird form of amnesia- the memory flowing out of his mind with the cold wind from outside, seeping into the office through the cracks in the old windows and taking the fragment of his mind that is seeping with the emotion completely away. “I forgot.”
October 11, 2018
The weather is cold. The angry wind places kisses onto his skin as he rolls up his sleeves, the places the crisp air visited burning like mint on his tongue. It’s like everything in the world is trying to make him relax, like everything is working in the favor of calm and silence, yet, his mind has chosen a different route as his sneakers bear into the sand, the taste of ocean on his tongue only begging him to continue as he strides forward.Zhong Chenle was never much of a fighter. Behind his fierce eyes and loud arguments, he was never the one to ever place his hands on anyone. Some arguments are better to be dealt with physically, though, and when he finally lost all of his control– the conscience he once had somewhere in the corner of his brain, silently telling him to let it go, subtly escaped somewhere in the middle of it all, he can’t seem to find that calm in him anymore.The waves hit the shore in just the same moment when his fist hits the boy’s face, scowling for just a second before he regains his composure; gritting his teeth and fighting again with even more urgency, red clouding his brain and the voices around him disappearing.“Man, what the fuck?” he hears one of them yell out, frowns sitting on their faces. It’s confusion that coats their features, he recognises– no one expected him to ever react like that.He pays no attention to the boy’s friends scattered around– his only target is him, the person that was behind everything. The person that made the whole story turn into a stupid drama movie, the person that was the first step into his best friend’s despair. And if no one else makes him pay for his mistakes, Chenle will make sure to do it all by himself. It’s his responsibility to bring justice for Jisung. He promised him they’ll be best friends forever, after all.His fist grows in pain as bruises bloom underneath his skin like falling flowers, blood running down the side of his face when the boy in front of him finally realises that the shorter one isn’t joking and starts to fight back. In perfect reality, Chenle should have known he was too weak to ever beat up this guy. He’s a few heads taller and a few muscles broader– of course he’s no competition to him and his friends.In perfect reality, though, Chenle wouldn’t have lost Jisung. He wouldn’t even be here in the first place.And so he fights and fights, until he feels the back of his head hit the sandy ground and the grinning face of the aggressor above him fills his vision and clouds his memory. His throat hurts and scratches from the screams he didn’t even realise were coming out of his mouth, limbs pinned to the ground from either side as he shakes and causes ruckus, the small group of men not understanding the sudden outburst.“Dude, let go! Are you fucking crazy or some shit?” the boy shouts and spits into his face, shaking his head in disbelief and pulling him by his shoulders.Screams don’t stop flowing out of Chenle’s throat.Anger comes with many factors– people don’t often realise that most of the time, it’s a defense mechanism. A form of coping that forces you to ignore all the pain, rather than throwing all the energy into something else that could bring you relief. In Chenle’s case, revenge is the only thing that could bring him just that. Payback is what Chenle desired for.He’s not sure if he did it– if the relief is coming, if he finally did what he had to do to finally feel better, but he’s fairly certain the pain is slowly taking its place on the throne, the red slowly fading when he hears one of them ask the last question before he bursts into pathetic sobs.“Is this about Park Jisung?”Grief comes in stages. It’s fairly certain that everyone knows them. Just in case you don’t, though, here is the list in chronological order: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Chenle’s been through the first three in the past couple of weeks. From the first stage happening right in the first day when he had to admit to himself that he lost someone that meant everything to him and even more, to punching the walls and thinking what he could have done better to keep his best friend here.This was his peak of anger and bargaining, it seems. It’s time for the next stage now.
October 9, 2018
Zhong Chenle doesn’t cry. He was never much of a crier growing up- he just never really felt the need to let his emotions out and show them to the world on a pedestal, waiting for everyone to laugh and make fun of how weak he is.Zhong Chenle was never much of a crier when he scraped his knees after he’d fallen to the ground on the playground, resulting in laughing instead as everyone’s eyes widened in bewilderment, for they’ve never seen a small child laugh as much when they were in pain. He was never much of a crier when his family dog died- because in reality, it was only a matter of time before it had to go. They were too poor to take care of an animal. He should have known.He wasn’t much of a crier when his parents divorced and he had to move with his mum to his grandma’s house either. It’s not like he wasn’t expecting it, after all.Life threw him many punches, making sure he knew it wasn’t easy to survive in this world, yet, he never once cried over it. He much preferred to keep it all inside.And who would he talk about it all anyway? His mother that was too busy working three jobs to pay off all of their debt and take care of him? His gone dog? Or his half-deaf grandma that barely moved out of the bed from how tired of life she was after all these years? Zhong Chenle never had anyone to talk to about the things troubling his poor soul.And people have it worse, he thinks. Why would his situation be worth crying over? He’s not that weak, he doesn’t need the attention of others that much.And so after some time, he doesn’t even feel the need to cry anymore. One would think it would be freeing. Chenle would even agree sometimes, but the truth is, he’s lying.Chenle doesn’t cry when he watches how the body of his best friend gets buried under the ground, his weak body standing closest to the Park family, for he himself would argue he was closer to their son than any of them ever was. He feels sick when he looks into Jisung’s father’s eyes, but he doesn’t show it on his face.He doesn’t cry when he listens to Jisung’s mother weep in agony, he doesn’t cry when reality hits him and the image of his best friend laying there, in pools of blood, flashes in front of his eyes and doesn’t want to leave even when he tries to fall asleep every night.He doesn’t cry when he spots the tall boy in the crowd, gazing at the hole dug to the ground. He doesn’t cry when he slowly walks home, closing the door behind him as he throws himself under the covers. He doesn’t cry when he feels sick to his stomach and desperately closes his eyes shut to make the nauseousness go away.It’s only been a few days. Yet, he misses Park Jisung more than anyone.
October 7, 2018
Sitting at the front porch of his best friend’s house, legs kicking the stray rocks scattered around the ground. That’s how Chenle finds himself on one sunny afternoon, the old beaten-up camera sitting in his hand as he waits for Jisung to emerge from the depths of his house so they can finally finish the movie they’ve been shooting at the railways at the edge of the town.It’s not far from here, but they decided to meet at Jisung’s house. That’s what Chenle insisted on. Jisung only agreed under the condition that his friend won’t knock– his parents don’t like having visitors– and Chenle glared at him to make him promise to be on time.Park Jisung’s never anywhere on time. Chenle learned that the hard way when he waited for him too long before school one day. If he didn’t wait for him in front of his house, he wouldn’t have gotten into trouble; the detention was much more fun with his best friend around, though, so he doesn’t really regret it anyway.It’s not strange to Chenle to find himself sitting in front of his house for much longer than he predicted. In reality, this is just his best friend’s usual behavior. He’ll wait some more and if he doesn’t come, he’ll peek through the windows and throw a rock or two to the windowsill of his room to make him hurry. They can’t miss the train, after all.Humming a song under his breath, Chenle finds himself growing impatient. The watch on his wrist he stole from his dead grandfather’s drawer is telling him the train leaves in five minutes, and although it’s not that much of a long journey to get to the railways, he would much prefer it if he didn’t have to run. The video’s shaky when he does that, and that would really mess with the whole quality of the movie they’ve got going on.Sighing and shaking his head in annoyance, Chenle stands up and paces around the Park’s house, peeking inside the windows, only to find an empty house. The living room looks as if it was a ghost town, visited only on special occasions, and the parents’ bedroom looks just as lonely when Chenle shamelessly looks to the room through the window. When the time comes for the young boy to look into his best friend’s room, he is surprised to find it empty.Did Jisung forget about their agreement? Is he waiting for him at the railways?Chewing on his bottom lip, the young male scans the room and finds all the details of the small space just like they’ve always been. The room is strangely tidy, the cleanliness of it all sending shivers down his spine when he finds the bed made and the clothes folded on one of the chairs instead of sprawled across the ground. The signals are all there, yet Chenle finds them hard to believe in.Turning on his heel and running to the railways at the edge of the town, Chenle finds many questions running through his brain. But as if to remain calm and sober, the desperation to make it there before the train comes has only one motive– he has to shoot it on his camera for the movie to be done.He can’t miss the train. He, for the love of god, can’t miss the train.His legs burn with hurry as he sprints towards the lonely railways, the little hill shielding him from his final destination feeling like it’s growing taller with every step he takes. The time on his wristwatch moves faster than it ever did, making him curse at the annoyingly ticking sound emerging somewhere inside of his brain only to torture him, chewing on his bottom lip so hard it bleeds and he tastes iron on his tongue.Tripping over his own leg, he finds himself falling at just the same time he hears the train honk, hopelessly calling for help. Trying to get up over and over again, his legs slipping at the ground nearing the railways, he hears the sound resonating in his head over and over again.Once he finally gets to his feet and notices the train passing by, the dark pit in his stomach only deepens.He’s late. He missed the train.And even though the train doesn’t stop, knowing too well that the emergency brake could cause even more damage and lose the lives of countless people inside, caring for their youth much more than the person that jumped in front of it only a few seconds prior, Chenle wonders why they didn’t even try to stop the train when they saw Park Jisung standing in front of it.He finds his best friend at the other side of the railway. It’s hard to recognise him now.
October 6, 2018
Chenle finds it hard to make out the smile of his best friend as he stares at his face, blossoming in color. He’s gotten used to the blooming dark circles under his eyes- they’ve paid a visit onto the younger one’s face pretty much every day now, the lack of sleep evident on Jisung’s fair skin. It no longer surprises him, for he knows he must be looking just the same. Tired and exhausted. Fatigue is something you learn to get acquainted with quickly, when you spend your nights thinking of your miserable life rather than sleeping, and even though Chenle wished for his friend to never have to worry about such things as he does, he knows it’s impossible to take the weight off his shoulders even if he really tried.There’s something more in his face other than the dark blues under his eyelids. The dark purples on his cheekbones, green sitting under his lower lip. Chapped lips spilling out words Chenle finds hard to decipher as he focuses somewhere completely else; his best friend speaks in hushed whispers and pushes something into the hands of his closest friend. The faint grin on Jisung’s face only does more to confuse the boy, shaking his head as if to remain focused, looking down at the old, beaten-up camera in his hands, noticing the familiarity of the cold metal against his skin.“Keep it, okay? If my uncle starts looking for it, it’s over for us. We have to finish that movie soon,” he says, only bringing the older one over the edge– to a fact he knew all along, but decided to ignore.“You stole it?”“Yeah,” Jisung only shrugs, a hint of a smirk creeping up to his plump lips, “that was the only way. He told me I couldn’t use it the last time we borrowed it, so I had no other choice.”“You’re crazy…” Chenle mutters, but hides the camera into his bag nonetheless with shaky fingers and feeling a little light-headed, looking around cautiously as if Jisung’s uncle was looking through the windows, restlessly keeping watch of his most favorite old video camera he always kept in the shop, but never dared to sell to anyone.When he takes a look up at his friend again, the colors in his face seem to punch the older one in the gut with even a bigger impact, for he forgot about them for just a second when he looked away. “Jisung… why are you- who-”“Don’t worry about it,” Jisung shook his head, taking a hold of the older one’s hand and tugging him forward, away from his house. There is a happy stride in his steps, a thing he only ever notices he’s got when he’s with Chenle. Scratching the back of his neck, lost in thought, he finally lets go of the older one’s hand when he sees him following behind.“I can’t just-”“Lele,” he starts, dark eyes swimming in the other one’s, a mirror of a silent plea shining somewhere deep inside of his orbs as he faces his best friend. Now is not the time to talk about Jisung’s bruised face. Not that it’s not appropriate– he just simply thinks he’s not ready.It’s not that he doesn’t trust him. No, that would be a lie. Zhong Chenle is Jisung’s lifeguard. He’s his safe and comfort place; a person he finds himself feeling good and happy around even in the darkest of his times. He’s a person he finds himself coming back to, even when he feels like he’s finally gotten to the bottom of the pool and lost all of the oxygen inside of his lungs.And perhaps that’s why Chenle knows nothing and why Jisung intends to make it stay that way. Maybe the glass bubble of perfection he builds around himself any time he’s with his best friend is far too precious to break with his broken sobs and choked-down explanations.And maybe he’s just scared.Nonetheless, he’s not ready to break the bubble just yet. He’s not going to talk about what’s weighing him down, because that would mean his only moments of perfection, his only moments of calm and safety, were taken away. He won’t let anyone else get to him.“Don’t worry about it, Lele. I’m fine,” he says, smiling to further prove his point.Chenle takes a long look onto his best friend’s face, his hand itching up to trace over his bruises or hurt anyone that would ever land their limbs onto the young, innocent boy. He finds himself doing nothing, though, only gasping for air, as if his heavy breathes were supposed to bring him some sort of answer or a resolution.“How can you be fine when there are bruises all over your face?” he says, voice coming out far too soft for his own expectation. Jisung remains silent, his glossy eyes stern as he stares into Chenle’s face, shaking his head in disapproval.He won’t talk about this. Not now; not ever.“We have to shoot the last scene tomorrow. I know we don’t necessarily have a deadline, but we did say we have to finish our movie before the end of October, so we have to hurry,” Jisung says, walking a few steps ahead of his best friend, ignoring his concerns. “Meet me tomorrow in front of my house 15 minutes before the train’s departure, okay? I promise I won’t be late this time.”
September 14, 2018
“Make it look more natural!” Chenle yells at the boy from behind the old camera, mildly annoyed at the sight of his best friend just aimlessly standing in the shot.“How?” Jisung yells back, laughing, “I’m a terrible actor. I didn’t sign up for this!”“Just- I don’t know!” Chenle erupts in a fit of laughter, shaking his head, “walk around or something! Maybe… maybe try running down the shore there or something. Act like the camera isn’t even here.”Park Jisung finds himself sighing at the orders of his best friend. The vision of the movie that is engraved in both of their heads might be almost identical, but the execution isn’t quite how either of them would like it to be. While the movie must be the image of their youth and growing up in their small hometown, they find it hard to capture it just right. Chenle finds himself hating some scenes– they look almost unrealistic with how pretty he managed to shoot them, too different from the town he grew up in. On the other hand, Jisung finds himself idealizing everything.He’s always been the more optimistic of the two.“Dude, that looks terrible!” Chenle screams, laughing only harder when he sees his friend smiling at the camera a little too sternly, even daring to wave and twirl around like a ballerina. “I told you to act like the camera isn’t even there!”“You come try, then!” Jisung screams, hushing the older one to his side.Chenle follows him with the camera, standing close to him and grinning. When the younger one reaches out his hand to take the camera into his hands, Chenle ignores him and turns the device in his hands around instead, pointing the lense towards the two of them and grinning. Standing as close to his best friend as he can, he starts waving at the camera.You know what, maybe it doesn’t have to be perfect. What was ever perfect in the lives of these two?“Hello everyone!” he laughs, “this is my best friend Park Jisung. We are here to shoot a movie about your youth,” Chenle says, dramaticness written all over his voice as he squints at the camera and forgets about his surroundings.“Jisung, tell us something about your childhood. How do you like this town?” he asks, turning to face his best friend. The tall boy only shakes his head in disbelief and curses under his breath.“Chenle, that camera doesn’t pick up sound. It’s too old,” he informs him, to which Chenle’s smile freezes just a little before he regains his composure and shrugs.“Well, who cares. Just pretend,” he becomes, playfully punching him to his shoulder.“Ah,” Jisung sighs, shaking his head, “well, I like this town. It has a lot of memories, mainly with my dear Chenle,” he says, turning around to look at the sea in front of him. The sound of waves hits their ears in a calming motion, leaving both of their smiles to fade and turn more serious. “It used to be lonely without Chenle, but I’m glad I have him now.”“Hmm…” Chenle finds himself humming, “I’m- I’m glad I have you too.”
September 3, 2018
“Shh, I can’t hear!” Jisung whisper-shouts, the darkness of the room eating up all his volume. The only light that shines down on him is from the projector sitting somewhere behind him on a small stool, the old movie playing on the wall in front of him reflecting on his skin.“I didn’t say anything,” Chenle furrows his brows, the decibels in his voice much louder than his best friend’s. A loud sigh escapes Jisung’s lips as he shakes his head.“You’re chewing too loud,” he notes.“Oh?” Chenle hums, his eyebrows shooting up closer to his hairline. Jisung shouldn’t have pointed it out, he thinks– of course Zhong Chenle will do anything to get on the younger one’s nerves. And he does just that as he chews harder, this time even opening his mouth wide to let his chewing out fully, the sound making Jisung crawl inside of his own skin.“Oh my god, Chenle…” he pleads, but it’s to no use as he only grins– almost spitting out the popcorn in his mouth out– and continues to chew louder and louder.“What?”“Stop chewing so loud!”“But you made popcorn for me,” Chenle notes, a shit-eating grin sitting on his face. Jisung finds himself rolling his eyes in annoyance, taking the huge bowl out of his hands and placing it next to his right side, so Chenle can no longer reach it.“Exactly. I made it, so I get to decide that you no longer have eating privileges,” Jisung mutters, seeing Chenle gasp in surprise and offense.“Hey!”“You did this to yourself! Now shut up and watch the movie!” anger is spilling out the younger one’s body, only fueling the older one in his teasing. Park Jisung has always been the easiest to tease. Chenle couldn’t deny that with a single cell in his body.His tall body hovers over the younger boy, reaching for the bowl of popcorn. When Jisung doesn’t let it go, they wrestle, threatening the popcorn to spill all over the carpeted floor of the older one’s attic. A few screams and quick moves later, Chenle finds himself empty-handed back in his place, a pout sitting at his lips upon his loss.“That movie sucks anyway.”“Hmm, yeah. Shut up.”
August 28, 2018
The labels at the sides of the tapes prick up Chenle’s attention. Smoothing his fingers over them, he takes some out of the box and examines them. It’s been ages since he saw some movie tapes.“Stop slouching around, we need to put these up until the end of the day,” Jisung huffs as he sees his best friend sitting at the ground in the back of his uncle’s shop.“I’m not slouching around…” Chenle mumbles, not really listening to what his friend has to say, “I’m just looking through those tapes. Why aren’t they up for sale?”“I dunno, maybe because they suck?”Jisung finds himself walking over and taking a seat next to his friend. Taking one of the tapes into his hands, he opens the white cover and twirls the black disc around in his hands. The cover has a white piece of paper, most likely torn out of a notebook, sitting inside. It has the name of the movie and the year of its publication in brackets, both written in red marker.“Those are my uncle’s. It’s his stash of his most favorite movies. We can’t sell these, he would literally pass out or something,” Jisung mumbles and shrugs, leaving his friend to search through the stash of the movie tapes. The younger one goes back to work, taking the big brown box to the corner of the shop and organizing the CDs in alphabetical order before putting them up into their corresponding shelves.Working in his uncle’s store isn’t something he ever enjoyed. His uncle sells cameras and movies– whether it’s the newer ones on CDs or the old, vintage ones that come on tapes. He had to work here since he was fifteen, because his parents always liked to call him ungrateful when he asked for pocket money, and although the job wasn’t that difficult, he figured that at fifteen, he could have been doing other things instead of working.Chenle, on the other hand, started working only a month ago. He said he needed a summer job and even though he knew this boy from school, they were never that close. That quickly changed over time when the older one spilled his secrets to him in the back, when there were no customers, telling him how he needed a job to help his mum with their debts.They both found a friend in each other when they needed one the most.“Can we watch some of those? It’s been ages since I’ve watched a movie,” Chenle calls from the corner of the store, making sure to put the tapes back in the same order he took them out.“Hm?” Jisung asks, turning around. He’s taken aback, but he quickly regains his composure. “Oh. Sure.”“Great!” Chenle gasps, putting the box back to where he found it, skipping over to his best friend to help him with the CDs. “I have an old projector back at home. I’m not sure if it works, but we can try it out!”Jisung finds himself smiling as he nods. “That sounds awesome.”Chenle wipes his dusty hands onto his pants, turning around to take some CDs out of the box and ordering them. He has to repeat the alphabet in his head twice before he gets it right, but he soon places the discs into his friend’s hands, letting him put them on the shelf right where they belong.“Movies are awesome,” Chenle mumbles. “I always liked movies.”“Me too,” Jisung nods, “I mean… not that I’ve watched too many, but sometimes my uncle let me watch the movies in that box with him. I’m pretty sure Titanic is there somewhere. I know that movie from memory, dude,” he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief.“Imagine how it must feel to shoot a movie,” Chenle says dreamily, lost in thought. There are some dreams he never dared to say to anyone, but Jisung quickly finds the true intentions of his friend’s words and grins.“Wanna shoot a movie?”“Well,” Chenle grins bashfully, hiding his face, “one can only dream.”Jisung hums, nodding. As he puts the last CDs into their respectful place on the shelf, he sighs, determined. “Let’s do it, then.”“What?” Chenle is startled. Is Jisung out of his mind?“Let’s shoot a movie together.”
June 10, 2018
“You’ll work with Jisung today, alright?”Chenle nods at the words of Mr Park. I mean, he can’t really disagree– he just started working here three days ago and he really needs the job. The old man is strangely uncharismatic and cold, but he just shrugs it off. It’s his boss, after all. Not his friend.“Sure.”“Jisung is my nephew. He’s been working here for some time, he knows the way around. Don’t be afraid to ask him things when you need help,” Mr Park notes as he walks around the back of the store and packs his bag, piercing through the young boy with a stern look.“Of course, Mr Park. You don’t have to worry.”The man nods, looking around the back room to see if he didn’t leave anything behind, sighing once he realizes he’s finally packed and can go. Taking one quick look at the boy, he only nods his head goodbye to him, not even deciding to spare him some words.“Goodbye, Mr Park!”All he hears is a grunt. So much for a sweet boss, he thinks.Slowly walking over to the front, he finds Jisung standing behind the counter. He recognises him from school– he’s one grade below him. He doesn’t remember ever talking to him, despite the town being so small. Awkwardly clearing his throat, he comes next to him and decides to get closer to him. He won’t just stand there in silence all the time, right? He has to make friends.“Hi! I’m Chenle,” the boy introduces himself, smiling.Jisung looks at him hesitantly, nodding. Offering him his hand to shake, he notes: “I know. My uncle told me. I’m Jisung.”“Nice to meet you, Jisung,” Chenle smiles wider. Something about the boy in front of him feels oddly familiar. He doesn’t know what it is, but he finds himself pulled towards his energy, wanting to be his friend instantly. It’s kind of strange, if he really thinks about it– in his whole life, he never felt the need to have friends. He was a loner, someone who doesn’t need anyone and never talks to the kids in his class. He had other things to worry about.Jisung hums in response, nodding. “The same goes to you.”Moving from one foot to the other, Chenle finds himself in an awkward silence. Scratching the back of his neck in nerves, he realizes he never really knew how to talk to people other than his family. He never tried it before, after all.“Umm.. Is there… Is there something I can help you with?” Chenle asks, seeing the boy in front of him turn around with parted lips. He looks surprised.“Oh,” he gasps, shaking his head, “no. Not a lot of people come past 3pm, so I just… stand around. Mostly. There’s nothing to do, so you can just… go to the back and do whatever, I guess,” Jisung explains, averting his gaze right after he finishes.Chenle finds the boy in front of him strangely tense. Something inside of him tells him that he’s not used to speaking to other people either. The strange hesitance and tripping over his own words, the awkward slouch of his shoulders when he chews on his bottom lip. It’s clear as the sun– Park Jisung finds it hard to trust people.Chenle doesn’t know why he so desperately wants the boy in front of him to trust him. Perhaps it’s the universe telling him to be his friend.“Or I can stay here… we can talk. Or- or hang out, or something,” Chenle tastes the waters, smiling at the boy when he meets his eyes.Nodding, Jisung smiles. “That sounds fine too.”
May 30, 2018
Rustling inside of the plastic grocery bag, Chenle finds a piece of bread and takes it out of its packaging. It’s the price he takes for running to the grocery store every week– it’s a thirty-minute walk from his house and he doesn’t have the heart to ask his mum for allowance.Eating the pastry, he smiles to himself. It’s a small victory. Chewing on the soft dough, he looks around and watches the sun setting behind the horizon. Another meaningless day is behind him, another day that feels just like the ones before. He’s getting quite bored of the stereotype, if he has to be honest.He takes the route home through the beach. The sidewalk that borders it leads right to his house, and he likes the sound of the waves in the background as he thinks about his life. It calms his soul, it makes him feel at ease. He could never ask for anything more.At moments like these, he thinks that his life is not as miserable as he makes it out to be.His moment of peace is disturbed by a loud shriek. Curiously turning around in his place, he watches over the shore and looks for the source of the sound. Finding nothing, he shrugs and decides to resume walking– he must have imagined it.When the loud yell and a few voices mixing in a fit of laughter repeats, though, he finds himself searching a little harder. And there it is– at the edge of the beach, almost where the road meets the sand, he finds a group of boys circling around a lanky one in the middle, kicking him and making fun of his shrieks.The grocery bag almost falls out of his grasp at the sight in front of him.His legs are frozen to the ground, his blood rising with disgust at the three strong boys beating up the weakest one in the middle. He can’t bring himself to move, he can’t bring himself to do anything. He just watches, his eyes growing hazy, everything blurring around him and leaving him in trance.He wishes for nothing more than to help that boy.But logic is stronger than his urges– he’s much weaker than the boys around him. Younger, too. There’s no way he could walk out of there with no broken bones. He can’t worry his mother or go to the hospital– they have enough bills to pay.It’s not his thing to worry about anyway… right?He doesn’t know that boy.Once the tallest one of them moves away and Chenle meets his eye, he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget those cold eyes full of hate. Quickly glancing over at the poor boy on the ground, he almost thinks he recognises him from somewhere. He can’t quite put his finger on it, though.Nervously swallowing the last bite of bread he can take, he throws the rest onto the sand next to him and starts jogging away.He was far too scared to hit him.