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Notes:I have no knowledge on the american schoolsystem and could find nothing online on when exactly the old gang's schooltime events took place. I remember Yan Lin mentioning that her gang got started around the same age that the W.I.T.C.H. girls did. They must have been the Guardians for quite a long while. The Guardians certainly looked adult by the point the Heart changed ownership. Were they even still in school? University? I dunno, I am making them last years at the Sheffield Unstitute for this. Nerissa's guardian outfit is purple in the cartoon show and dark green in the comics, I went for purple here. Because of course their swimming suits would match their guardian outfits. I find it striking that while in the show Halinor stays on the council, she and others are banished back to earth in the comic. It must be noted that I have not reread these parts before writing this. As I see it, the ground rule is anyone who so much as questions the Oracle gets thrown out. Not a good and fair system to treats its heroes so, especially for speaking up about moral questions. I am putting it mildly here, I remember the council guys getting on my nerves LIKE HELL when reading the comics long ago, but as I said I am not about to go back and check facts on that topic right now.Ah the teenage memories of coming back from school and buying Winx and W.I.T.C.H. comics at the station from my allowance, the act of this all very nicely thought-out and much enjoyed.This story is for donnavonduke over on Tumblr. ----''How are things in Cassieworld?'' I ask, my voice appropriately grave for our surroundings. School, the cafeteria.She is training for the swimming team, I know that. I have been relegated to 'earth life affairs'.I am no longer included in the extracurricular activities. I am not supposed to talk about those anymore. I have to pretend I know nothing about my own once-friends whatsoever. No way. This is why I am keeping away from them. They do not like me 'dragging up the past'. ''It ages us.'' says Cassidy, willing to discuss with me.I missed the being taller in the other world, the feeling more grown-up, not that it makes much difference in my look, it hasn't for years, I was a fast grower, but it is the feel of it.''You'll catch up.'' I mock. We all would at some point in this world, become adult. Then we get to save our own world and fight our real fights. Ones that are not at all as entertaining to look forward to. Not the 'fun' kind of fighting, growing, coming into one's self. But in Meridian ... taking decisions is beyond empowering there. And the feeling of being trusted without fail with those decisions.... incomparable. To be trusted on anything by anyone on the mere achievement on being who we are without question. I catch myself daydreaming of it often. ''Is the saving of the world getting boring yet? For you?'' No, of course not, it is always exhilerating. ''Can you manage?'' To save the world without me. Do you need my guidance? It worries me every day.I'd rather not know if she is deficient in leading them.In being the firepower behind ruling Meridian.If they are not being misguided.''Are you succesful without me?''School canteen junk. That description fits most of the pieces left on my tray. I push the fruit on my plate to her. She does not take it. We don't have to share. It's not like couples should. There is lots of stuff we do not share. My eyes scrutinise her, tracing where she keeps the Heart, I can't not be on the look-out for it.I would be a Meridian, before this life on earth. Just to get to be there.It should be my choice.I was part of that world. I belong there.I am still of use!''I could join the congregation. It is not like the deciples do anything all day.''''Rissi!''I couldn't stay. The Heart chose her, I wasn't allowed to stay.The Heart does not take me with it.They changed form at the sight of danger and I was left behind. They disregarded me in that moment, they sidestepped the issue by zoofing off to where the trouble was. The situation, me, was not talked about. They let me stay a few more times for the transformation. Perhaps they had an unspoken hope too? Just as I had those first times, that it would still take. That I could still join. Not as their leader. They side-eyed me. Their eyes glazed over me when they set out. Later on they did this too whenever we met up. I got to stay for the transformations until it became clear it was not going to happen. My powers, myself, were not going to return. I was no longer part 'of the group' which meant I soon found myself being no longer part of this part of life. Their lives.It embarassed us, that is my guess. I had to keep away for their discomfort at these times. Times of Meridian trouble, which could be any time, which became me standing away from them at all times.It was something they did without me, and for how many more years would they continue on now?They no longer had to hang out with me, by supernatural force and decree, and our connection was lost.I am omitting certain instances. For when I was present for a particular run-of-the-glitter-mill transformation, my frustrations ran up high, I brought them a fit. An aggressive one. For as much as a regular human can be aggressive to them. A kitten hissing was more threatening. Still, the look in my eyes must have frightened them off. I was no longer invited from then on. Not to fantasy-not-going-to-happen-anyway-happy Kandrakar, not to shopping afternoons, sleepovers, barbecues,...''I bet you're all doing a bang-up job at it.'' I can't tell myself if I am being sarcastic anymore. My eyes linger on the ridiculous posters in the school cafeteria. That all wish to push in as bold and clearcut a way the very vaguest of future on you. They dictate what you are to do with your life, job and study options, but most of all, they provide inspirations. Do something big, fat and hollow with your life, this is what the school subscribes to. Awkward ghastly stuff. Ghoulish.'You can become more than you know.', their latest gem. Yellow glaring text on orange. An outlook on despair.''Like totally.'' she replies.''It's so nice to be needed.'' I say, too sugary. I know what feeling that gives when a whole world needs you, depends on you. It is daunting, intoxicating, addictive. I struggle to feel relevant at the Sheffield Institute, so does everyone ...normal. This dull school, home to the magical girls and some other folk. Faithful deliverer, willing supplier of Guardians. I was supposed to be 'the one that binds and unites the others', me. We had a good bond, it sufficed for many years. It would have kept that way for many more. It was a friendship that would last for centuries. There was no reason for it not to. There was no problem between us before the Heart decided to declare one. Meridian does not care about school grades, or jobsecure futures, that is one of the best things about the place.Returning to this world used to cost me several centimetres, once. I caught up. I grew into the person I was there. Everything halted.The magic that dominated my life left me to school, to be devoured, not at all, to be eroded away by something that never sufficed before ever venturing to Meridian in the first place. It could impossibly do so now. School suddenly mattered most. That is terrifying. Not going there. Not skipping classes. Not getting into trouble because of skipping classes.They still fumble into the classroom at inconvenient times. It aggravates me. How pathetic they look, from this world's point of view.So long endless guardian years. I love it with all my heart.How I envy them.''Not too busy saving the world?'' I say, trying to get her to go away.She wouldn't be here if she was too busy. The job comes first. There is no reason for me to be catty bout it. When her presence here proves: her affection for me holds. I am beyond fortunate that it does. I am terrified. ''If you are missing the drama and overflow of disagreements to shepherd, which would be messed up if you did but I never know exactly what amuses you. It might as well... '' She starts rambling, with wide gestures, she catches herself. ''Look! What got you: an abundance of comic books and magazines. A better source of excitement.''She grabs into her bag. Superior to flying and fighting and being truly free. Sure.''Why, I must be eternally grateful to you.''''I got them from my pocket money.'' Her false smile falls, she looks cross with me and I can't blame her. I don't have myself in check these days. ''They spoil you with pastries and feasts.'' At Meridian, Kandrakar, she is not taking the bait. Her expectations of comic books outweighs the triumph of magic celebrations?''You only get to read them with me.''''Do I?'' My brow lifts.''Yes, with your arms around me, or it does not count.'' Look at that underlip of strawberry gloss. I remember the feel of gently biting it while kissing. My interest returns and this is visible.''The council...does not approve.'' she says it with a 'pfff', an airy sneer, it is a thing that does not matter. Not in our world. She is right. When has the council ever approved of anything? They throw people out into banishment over nothings. Why would they ever let the old Heart date the new? They couldn't even let me stay on the team.They don't grant me visits.After many years of working for them. Childlabour, I might add, as I am becoming increasingly more aware of this.The group under my guidance, it worked. It was good enough. I was the glue that kept us together. We could have gone on with this working dynamic for so long. I will never understand why the Heart wanted to change a good formula, but then Cassidy is very bright and bubbly. It wanted her. Because of the type of person she is, it is difficult to feel jealous of her. I had not expected to lose my friends over this. I did, almost immediately.Does the group work better like this?''You and the bullies are keeping me out.'' I take a deep breath. ''The school's been asking me about that, you know, what 'happened between us' to make me drift, step, break away from you my trusty old friend group. They are 'concerned'. They'll summon you to the teachers' office soon.I really miss that I am not playing hookey with you, at least I am off the hook for those reprimands.''''Oh Rissi...''''I am mad letting you get away with this.Kandra...'' She put up a warning finger. ''Ah...''I laugh. ''I am not allowed to even mention it, am I?'' Woe to those cast out who speak its name. This cursed and endangered Eden we must protect, this place that we 'have the power to' risk our lives for. Perpetually. A persistent damsel in distress.Our whole elusive, dark relationship with the place, continued. ''It is not that, Rissy.It is all very...''Forbidden.''Secret. Hush hush. Can you smuggle me back? One last time. One last swim ...by the lakes and waterfall.'' I suggest. ''Just the two of us.''Her face colours red with memories. ''You can't ask that of me.'' She rezips her bag, not having taken out anything. ''Will you come over to my place for dinner? My parents want you to.''''People are too bloody concerned.'' I catch her eyes, I was afraid to look there before. ''Of course, yes, please.'' Truth spills out. She smiles again. ''We'll go swimming. Here. Afterwards. Watch the sunset.'' It will be just like there. Minus the wings, the flying that is lost to me forever. I'll be begging her to use the Heart for my transformation on that stupid regular beach before the day is out. ''Bring your bathingsuit.'' A purple swimsuit to make me feel just like that, there. She knows that all too well.We'll play Guardians alright, we'll play lovers too. We are lovers. She'll promise me. We are, we are, we are,... don't doubt it, don't forget it, Rissylins. I get you doubt everything now, I won't let you. I am not leaving you.If she says something along those lines, please let her say something long those lines. Pink evening promises and dedications taste the sweetest.She skips to her feet. ''Okay? Bye, see you then!''''Cassie!'' I scream. She looks back in a fright.''Thank you.''I walk over to her, slowly, carefully, scared to lose her, as I lost the rest of them.''I love you.'' I press my forehead to hers and she strokes my hair. It is soft, lush and black, long like in a fairytale, it is all mine. No magic, no meridian influence of the Heart that plays a part in it. I am enough. This form is enough. I don't care if I ever see 'the Guardians' again. This version of her is infinitely more precious to me. The one who cares for me, simply, honestly, in the most mundane of circumstances and places.''Be careful.'' I don't like us, it is no longer 'us', I don't like them all sacrificing themselves. ''I don't want you putting yourselves at risk like that.''Maybe that is why I no longer qualify for Guardianship according to the Heart.I can't help my concerns. This world has become so precious to me. She has become this precious to me. It is alright when the friendships strengthen our dedication to save their world.I would give my life for that, I would do anything to ensure peace in all worlds. It hurts like hell to be excluded from making a much needed difference. I ache for that fight.It is not alright when our friendship and love makes me want to keep them safe, this one in particular. When I want her here, in boring class, in mind-deadening aggravations of teenage life.