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It was late enough that there weren’t many other vehicles on the highway, and he had been fortunate enough not to run into any red and blue lights. An hour should have been more than enough time to cool off, calm down. His phone had been off the entire time, the radio turned up to play some country stuff that shouldn’t have gotten him more worked up. He had gone between singing along and ranting to the steering wheel.
“What did you think this was?”
He groaned in frustration, the stupid conversation still cycling through his head. While he had thought it was his fault at first even broaching the topic, he was coming around to the idea that no, he had a right to clarity. To knowing exactly what the fuck he had spent the better part of two years doing.
“It was only just sex, are you kidding? I can’t fucking stand you.”
He remembered spitting out “Go fuck yourself.” His heart had broken, a little, with the unrealized hope that had taken root. And he had peeled away in his car, not bothering to look in the rearview; he didn’t know what would have been worse: looking back and seeing a figure chasing him, or nothing but the city block behind him.It made sense, in a bitter way that he didn’t want to examine too closely. It’s not like they texted much, or ever went anywhere that could classify as a date. It was always to the other’s place, or a supply closet if it was a back-to-back where they were expected to leave not long after the game. Fuck, he was the idiot that drove the three hours for essentially a booty call.The laugh that bubbled out of him was ugly and humourless, and he lifted one hand from the steering wheel to push through his hair. Because he was the one who caught feelings, who thought maybe it was more than it actually was.He was approaching Red Deer now; there were signs saying that it was only 50km away. There were more vehicles now, his headlights automatically changing from high-beams to low-beams and back once the vehicles had passed far enough away.A semi-truck going the other way triggered the low-beams, passing with a whoosh at the speed that they were both traveling. The highway ahead was dark for several seconds, before the sensors deemed the truck far enough away and the high-beams came b-
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“-accident, male, early to mid-twenties-“
It started with “I’d probably get off the ice.”The remark was nothing but childish, and yet everyone seemed delighted by it. Matthew especially; they still had to play against each other before the All-Star Game, and he made sure to ask Draisaitl why he wasn’t getting off the ice now.The unimpressed look that was shot in his direction was well worth it, and made him cackle as he skated off towards the puck.Except then it was the ASG, and Coach had tapped them to play at the same time. Draisaitl stayed on the ice, and Matthew smirked as he passed the puck cross-ice, hitting his stick perfectly. The shot went in, because it was a day that ended in y and Draisaitl was still good at hockey.“Fuck you,” he clearly mouthed, both headed back to the bench.It made Matthew giggle like a child and sent a thrill up his spine when he retorted with “Is that a promise?”The unimpressed, grumpy look was back, but he didn’t mind. Sure, it made the guy look like an asshole, but an attractive asshole nonetheless.It was after the game- games, they won the whole she-bang- that Draisaitl approached him, an eyebrow raised. “Your place or mine?”
“-car is totalled-“
Matthew was not complaining from his back on Draisaitl’s hotel bed, with two fingers up his ass and his dick in the German’s mouth. Or, he wasn’t complaining about where he was or who he was with.“Fuck,” he moaned, drawing out the ‘uh’. “C’mon Draisaitl, hurry up.”Draisaitl pulled off, slowing his fingers. “You’ll take what I give you.”That was all the warning he got before the ministrations started again, fingers finding the bundle of nerves that lit up his spine, causing him to arch his back and give a breathy moan. He could see the way that Draisaitl was smirking around his cock, and it shouldn’t have been working for him like it was.
“Sir? Sir, can you hear me?”
The sex had been amazing, even if there had barely been an afterglow. But Matthew wasn’t that kind of boy that needed cuddles and to fall asleep with someone’s arms around him.Especially since this was obviously a one-off. Hate-sex at its finest.Even if he didn’t necessarily hate Draisaitl; he just liked antagonizing him.
“-cut him out of the car-“
Except then they were in Edmonton again, and Draisaitl was waiting outside the visitor locker room. Johnny gave him a look, clearly asking “What the fuck?” with his eyebrows, to which Matthew shrugged because he really didn’t know either.“Sup, Drat?” he asked, using the nickname he had heard McDavid use for him.He frowned at him, jerking his head down a hallway before heading that way and expecting Matthew to follow. Just to be contrary, he gave it a few seconds before he started after the guy, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he was clearly following orders.“Where’re we going? Bringing me somewhere to murder me? Gonna be hell dragging my body to hide it.”“Jesus Christ, Tkachuk, do you ever shut up?”Matthew just grinned, popping the ‘p’ obnoxiously when he answered “Nope.”“Ugh. Fine. We’re going back to mine.”“Again? Why, such a gentleman.” He fluttered his lashes, aware that he wasn’t being looked at but doing it for the aesthetic.
“-on its way, it’ll be here shortly-“
So it started with a childish remark- though, with which childish remark was up for debate- and it became something for Matthew. One of them got hold of the other’s number, which wasn’t hard either since both Yamo and Connor had each of their numbers and could’ve been persuaded to give it up.“I knew you guys could be friends off the ice if you just got to know each other,” Connor had commented to him while they were both training in Toronto during the off-season. “I know he’s a stubborn ass, and you’re annoying mostly just on the ice.”Matthew hadn’t wanted to burst his bubble about him and Draisaitl being friends; he was pretty sure that the other guy only tolerated him for the length of time it took to get off and come down from that high. “He’s not a bad guy once you get to know him, I guess.”“That’s the spirit. Glad you guys are getting along.”It took all the willpower he had not to tell him just how well they ‘got along’; he did actually like McDavid and didn’t need to traumatize him with details he didn’t need to hear.
“- to Edmonton, it’s closer-“
Sex became sexting, became flirty and dirty and fun. It wasn’t until midway through the season that Johnny pointed out that he hadn’t picked up in a while.“Huh.” Matthew said with feeling, scanning the bar and feeling disinterested in the idea of trying to find someone to hook up with. “Guess I’m just not feeling it.”“Bullshit. Who is she and why haven’t you introduced her to me yet, asshole.” Johnny prodded, nudging him with his shoulder.He snorted, taking a drink of his beer. “So you can tell Kev, who’ll tell Brady, who will absolutely tell Taryn and then all hell will break loose? No thanks.”“There is a girl?!”“Fuck, Johnny, no. Okay? No girl.”“Okay.” Johnny nodded sagely. “Guy then.”Matthew choked on his drink, and Johnny grinned like he was smart instead of a dumbass.
“-emergency contact-“
Two years of hooking up, of texting things that shouldn’t have been texts, and Matthew realized that he was in trouble. Because while he never really hated the guy, the feelings had definitely grown towards something beyond friendly. He wasn’t crazy enough to think it was something like love, but there was something like warmth when he thought of Leon.And yeah, that was a shift in and of itself, referring to the Oiler by his first name. It wasn’t something he had consciously decided to do; it just started happening. He didn’t even notice when it actually happened, just one day when he was wondering about the next time they’d see each other was, he called him ‘Leon’ and gave himself a moment to process.Then, he was stupid enough to invite himself to Leon’s place in Edmonton. Off days happened to align somewhat, and he made the decision to drive the three hours to surprise his situationship with 24 hours worth of sex on tap. And surprise him he did, based on the look on his face when he answered the door.“What the fuck, Tkachuk?”At least Leon had let him enter the house before questioning him, arms folded as he stood between Matthew and the rest of the house.Matthew threw out his arms, giving his most winning smile. “Surprise.”“That still doesn’t explain what you’re doing in Edmonton. At my fucking house.”“I figured we had similar off-days.” The smile started to slip from his face. “Thought I’d surprise you.”“Jesus Christ, Tkachuk.”“And you can use my fucking name; it won’t actually kill you.”That seemed to be the breaking point, making Leon grimace. “Why would I do that?”“Are we not buds?”“What did you think this was?” The grimace turned into something ugly, the German’s mouth turned up in a sneer. “Buds, really?”“Yes. Fuckbuddies. Friends with benefits. Whatever you want to call it.”And then there was Leon’s final blow, that made Matthew turn tail and run. “It was only just sex, are you kidding? I can’t fucking stand you.”
“Sir? Sir, are you with me?”
“Get him loaded in.”
“Stay with me now, c’mon.”
Matthew saw the moose too late to react. He caught snatches of voices, echoes of noises around him. Felt a tug and then… floating?
“C’mon, just stay with me. We’ll be there shortly.”
Except there was a white light, and it was getting ready to consume him.Matthew felt no pain as it washed over him.
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“Go fuck yourself.”
It was nowhere near the harshest thing that he’d ever heard directed at him, not even from Tkachuk himself. But it left Leon stunned, standing stock-still in his hallway as the door slammed shut, Bowie barking at his feet at the noise. Because he had been so sure that it was only sex, he wasn’t ready for that reaction.He shook his head, trying to shake off the feeling he was left with before picking up his dog and heading for the living room. It wasn’t his fault that the younger man had showed up at his house- unannounced, at that- and he refused to feel any sort of way about it. Which worked for a bit as he played fetch and then tug-of-war with Bowie, but his thoughts kept spiraling, coming back to the words he bit out to send Tkachuk back out into the night.With a sigh, he dropped his end of the rope toy and looked his dog in the eyes. A tongue lolled out the side of his mouth, panting from exhaustion. “What do you think, boy? Think we need some captainly advice?”He woofed in reply, as if he understood the question. Leon gave a small smile, appreciating it for the non-answer it was.“C’mon, I’m sure Lenny could use some company.”By the time he got himself sorted out, Bowie harnessed and settled in the back of his car, it was nearly an hour since the incident in his front hallway happened. The drive over to Connor’s was short, and Bowie was excited as they parked in the driveway next to Lauren’s car.Except as Leon and Bowie jogged up to the front door, it was already opening with Connor on his phone.“-m on my way. Yeah, yeah, no, it’s fine. You do what you need to, I can wait there until you get there or your family.” Connor saw him and raised a finger to him, letting him know to hold on. “Do they know it’ll be me? Yeah, okay, just so I can keep you updated. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, and I’ll let you know if anything changes or what’s going on.”Connor had his captain’s face on, so Leon knew whatever was going on was serious. He wondered vaguely who he was talking to, but he was already being directed towards the vehicle and Bowie let loose in the house. Apparently whatever was happening was about to involve him, and while it wasn’t what he wanted to happen, it might distract him from his spiral.Except then they were in Connor’s SUV and the phone connected to the Bluetooth. “-morning, at the earliest. Are you sure you don’t mind?”And Leon knew that voice, had been chirped enough times while playing the Sens to know that it was their captain, Brady Tkachuk, calling Connor.“Really, it’s fine. Someone needs to be there, and I’m close. Gaudreau would have to travel the highway.”“Thanks, man. Just call or message if anything, anything, happens.”“Will do. Be safe, and I’ll see you when you get here.”The call disconnected with a beep, and Leon was left wondering what the hell was going on. They made it a couple of blocks before curiosity got to the best of him. “Where are we going and why am I coming with you?”“Hospital. Royal Alexandra. There was an accident and Matthew was airlifted there in critical condition. Brady can’t get here until the morning, and it seems like the rest of the Tkachuks are in the same boat, so he called to ask if I could sit there until they could get there. You’re coming with me because the accident happened going towards Calgary, on this side of Red Deer; I assumed you’d know something about it.”He could feel the side-eye he was receiving, though he kept his gaze out the front window. Because his spiral was starting anew, now with the added knowledge that there had been an accident that he was partially responsible for. Because he had jabbed when he should have kept his mouth shut, aiming to hurt instead of being any kind of vulnerable.Connor blew out a breath beside him, coming up to a red light. “Drat, buddy, you’re going to have to give me something. I’m not as clueless as the media likes to make me out to be, and I know that there was something going on between you and Matthew.”“It wasn’t a big deal.”The light turned green, and the car started moving forward again. “Then why were you coming over at ten at night?”“To vent. Or complain, or something.”“About?”“Tkachuk. He just showed up at my place, unannounced, and declared us ‘buds’.” He used air quotes around the word, trying not to snort as he said it. “Like we’ve been having sex for two years and he decides that it means we’re fuckbuddies or friends with benefit or some shit.”Connor scrunched up his nose, visible from Leon’s peripheral. “Hate to tell you, but you can’t have sex with someone for two years without it meaning something.”“Bullshit.” This time, Leon snorted. “I can’t stand him.”“Can’t stand him, or can’t stand that you might actually like the guy?”And wasn’t that the million-dollar question, the thing that kept spiraling round and round. Sure, he had been able to spit it out with such conviction and venom, but was he trying to convince himself or the other man that he meant that? Because in the entire time that he had been in Connor’s vehicle, on his way to Royal Alexandra, he had made no protest about going. About getting stuck there with Connor until who-knows-when, waiting for the Tkachuk family to show up.‘You don’t exactly do that for people you hate,’ supplied his brain.Connor took the prolonged silence as the answer it wasn’t necessarily. “It’s alright to change your mind about people, Leon. Fuck, I could tell you stories about Stromer and his hatred towards Marns until they played World Juniors together and he actually got his head out his ass.”“That’s different.” Leon protested, albeit weakly.Connor snorted this time. “I dunno. I can’t confirm that they fucked it out, but I wouldn’t put it past them either. The O was a weird place.”They made it to the hospital without much more conversation, Connor concentrating on getting them there and Leon lost in his own thoughts for the umpteenth time. There had been an offer to order an Uber for Leon back to Connor’s, but he had refused it. Because while it wasn’t completely his fault, there was some blame to be had for Leon. If he hadn’t been an asshole, if he hadn’t run the man from his home, then he wouldn’t have been on the road. Wouldn’t have been in an accident.The least he could do is make sure that Tkachuk- that Matthew- would make it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Matthew had no recollection of how he got to the hospital, or even where exactly he was.No one seemed to have time to answer him, walking past him in a rush with their shoes squeaking on the linoleum or their coats swishing as they hurried on their way. He did eventually find a waiting area, chairs and couches occupied with people waiting to hear about their loved ones. As he approached, he felt his jaw drop in shock, because there in the corner, with their heads huddled together, were Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl.At least it narrowed it down to any of the 32 cities that had a hockey team, but it still didn’t explain what the three of them were doing there together.He took a vacant seat next to them, smiling at them as he tried not to show off how uncertain he was. “Hey guys, what’s up?”Neither gave him a response, not even bothering to look at him as they continued their quiet conversation.“Guys?” He tried again, waving a hand in front of Connor’s face and getting nothing. “The fuck?”“They can’t hear or see you,” came a familiar voice to his right. Except it couldn’t be who he thought it was, since they’d been gone for a few months now.Yet when he looked beside him, there was his cousin flipping through a magazine, one leg crossed over the other. It was a startling sight, seeing him sitting there as if no time had passed, as if nothing had happened. There was no logical explanation for it, except for that Matthew had taken too many hits to the head and was obviously hallucinating.“Jimmy?”And there was no denying that it was him, the big smile plastered on his face as he turned his head to look over at Matthew. “Hey, man. Welcome to the in-between.”-Jimmy explained to him that they weren’t actually there. “Call it an out of body experience, an astral projection, whatever you want, but we aren’t physically present. We can interact with inanimate objects up to a certain point, but we mostly just exist as nothingness.”They were wandering hallways again, Matthew having been sat on by an Oilers fan that wanted to get a selfie with the captain and his alternate. It was a chilling experience, and now he was making sure to stay out of the way of other patients and occupants in the halls.“This is fucking weird.” Matthew stated with feeling, barely avoiding a nurse in magenta scrubs. “Okay, so obviously I’m here because I’m actually physically present somewhere in this building. But what about you? You were in Boston.”The smile was still present, not turning sour like it should have at that mention. “Figured you might enjoy a friendly presence, some company until you’re ready to cross over.”Matthew stopped walking, his eyebrows furrowed. “Cross over?”Jimmy stopped in front of him, turning to face him. The smile was slipping slightly as he delivered the news. “To the other side. You’re in bad shape, cousin. They’ve got you in the operating room now, but it’s pretty rough.”
“Stay with me now, c’mon.”
The memory came back in an instant; there was a moose, he had been in an accident. He remembered the paramedic asking him to stay with him, trying to keep him conscious. Except he hadn’t been able to. The last thing he remembered was a whirling sound, feeling weightless, and then nothing.“How bad is it?” he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.Jimmy looked at him sympathetically. “I can’t say for sure. But They seem to think that it was worth me coming to get you.”“They?”“They. Them. The guys on the other side.”Well, fuck.“Do we have to go now?” Matthew asked, looking back in the direction of the waiting area. He wanted to be able to see his family one last time, even if they weren’t able to see him in return.As if sensing where his train of thought was, Jimmy shook his head. “Nah. I can come back when you’re ready. You just gotta say when.”And then it was just Matthew left alone in the hallway, wondering what that even meant.-Time seemed to fluctuate after that, both appearing to speed up and slow down.He settled into a seat on the other side of Leon, who was effectively keeping others at bay with a truly epic Resting Bitch Face. Neither Connor nor Leon was talking much, both busy with their phones. At one point, a harried looking man in his young thirties came up to them to fill them in with what was happening in the operating room.He listened to the long list of injuries, understanding what Jimmy said about Them on the Other Side thinking it was bad. Broken sternum, fractured ribs, punctured lung. Internal bleeding “that we managed to get under control,” the medical personnel stated. Possible head trauma, a broken femur.“Not to mention the bruising and various nicks and cuts. He’s still in critical condition, and we won’t know the extent of it unless he wakes up.”“When.” Connor and the guy both looked over at Leon, who had spoken. “When he wakes up.”The guy sighed. “The damage is pretty extensive. I wouldn’t be getting your hopes up too high.”Connor thanked him, already on his phone and typing away. Matthew wondered who he was updating, whether it was Johnny or Brady; possibly both, because someone would have to inform the Flames management if they didn’t know already.He wasn’t sure how much time had actually passed- clocks seemed to be scarce in the waiting area- just knew that other doctors and nurses came to talk to other people, and that the faces changed in the area. Occasionally, it seemed he’d blink and lose entire chunks of time, with entirely different people surrounding him. The only constants seemed to be the two Oilers, who refused to give up their vigil in the corner.And then he spotted her, and felt guilt for the first time since appearing in the hospital.Because there was Taryn, looking plane rumpled and frantic as she approached them, her eyes wide as she took in her surroundings. He was struck by the thought that she shouldn’t be here, that she should be in Virginia right now, sleeping or finishing an assignment or something. That she shouldn’t be worrying about him, but worrying about her own games and grades.“How is he?” she asked as she dropped into the seat beside Connor, her bag at her feet. “I was in the air when I heard the news.”“What were you doing in the air already?” Matthew asked, aware that it was going to go unheard and unanswered.“He’s still in surgery,” Connor answered. “The injuries are pretty extensive; they haven’t been back in a bit, so I’m assuming that he’s still hanging in there.”Taryn let out a deep sigh, sinking further into her seat. “Fuck. Any word from Brady about when him and my parents are getting here?”“Brady’s on his way from Florida; I think he mentioned something about chartering a direct flight with the help of the team. Your parents were only able to get a flight in the morning so it’ll still be some time.”“What a mess.” Taryn rubbed her hands over her face, and Matthew recognized it as her trying to keep herself composed. “Thanks for being here; you guys can go if you’d like. I’m sure you’re tired and would rather not be in a hospital at nearly four in the morning.”Was it really that late, or early? Matthew could see the stress of the night on both Connor and Leon, could already see how it was taking a toll on his sister.Leon shook his head though, crossing his arms over his chest and making himself comfortable in his seat. “I want to stay here, if it’s alright with you.”While the reply surprised him, it barely seemed to faze Taryn who shrugged. “Up to you. What about you, McDavid?”“Just until he’s out of surgery.” Connor agreed, typing something out on his phone. “Keep you company so you’re not here agonizing alone.”And so they waited.-Brady showed up at the same time that one of the surgeons did, arriving from opposite directions. “You four for Tkachuk?”“Five,” muttered Matthew uselessly, while the quartet nodded.The surgeon continued. “The good news is that he made it through the surgery, but he’s not in the clear yet. Machines are doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to keeping him breathing, and he’s not showing any signs of consciousness. We’re keeping him in intensive care for the time being. You guys can see him, but you might want to brace yourself for what you find.”Taryn, who had been curled up in her chair, got to her feet to hug their brother, her hands fisting in his shirt. Brady was rocking them from side-to-side, trying to be reassuring. “He’s alright, Tar. You’ll see.”“If you want to follow me.”Matthew followed at the back, the advantage being that people were already trying to avoid their group so he didn’t have to worry about accidentally walking through anyone. One elevator ride and three floors later, they paused outside of a private room.“Alright, I’ll leave you to it. Just… be prepared.” The surgeon gave him all a small smile before leaving back the way they came, her shoes echoing down the hallway.Looks were exchanged before Taryn, with her shoulders squared up, made her way into the room and was quickly followed by Brady. Matthew moved to join them, but was halted by Connor stopping Leon. Curiosity got the better of him as he hung around to hear the conversation between the two Oilers.“Let’s go, let them have their privacy.” Connor said, quiet as he looked over his shoulder at the open doorway. “We did what we said we would; Brady is here now, he can take care of Taryn.”“Much appreciated, by the way.” Matthew interjected, partially talking over Leon as he replied.“You can go.” Leon had his game face on, the one he wore when he was lined up across the ice from Matthew and trying to ignore his antics. “I’ve already fucked up once in the last 24 hours; leaving while Matthew is in this condition doesn’t feel right.”And that startled him, the use of his first name. He’d only ever heard Leon call him Tkachuk if he said his name at all. The idea that maybe he actually did care and hadn’t just been dragged here against his will was a revelation all its own.“I didn’t know you cared,” Matthew and Connor said at once, with the former adding “Jinx; you owe me a Coke.”If he was going to go on like this, he might as well have a bit of fun with it.Leon pushed his hand through his hair, already disheveled from the time spent here in the hospital. “Must be lack of sleep making me soft.”Matthew snorted and rolled his eyes; he’s pretty sure that ‘soft’ was not a term used to ever describe the German.“Then go home and get some sleep. You can come back later.” Connor continued trying to argue, his voice still low.“Like I’d actually sleep.”“Why are you being so stubborn?” Matthew muttered, while Connor blew out a breath, looking close to forcefully dragging his friend away.“Use your words and actually talk to me,” demanded Connor, eyes narrowed.Leon threw his hands up in frustration. “I feel guilty, okay? I fucked up when I made Matthew leave my place, made him drive off. If I leave and something happens to him, I’ll feel like shit. This is partially my fault, and while I can’t do shit, I can at least be here until he wakes up. Until I know for sure that he’s going to make it.”Connor and Matthew were both quiet at the confession, Leon’s chest heaving like he had been double-shifted. It was a lot of emotion and more than Matthew had ever gotten from the guy; it was a long way from “I’d probably get off the ice” or even “I can’t fucking stand you”. It was a glimpse at a heart that he would have jokingly said didn’t exist, that he was never supposed to see.He didn’t stick around for the rest of the conversation, heading into the room to join his family.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
For all that the medical staff had told them, Matthew was not prepared when he saw himself lying in the hospital bed. Though, in all fairness, how many times did people actually witness themselves like this.The bed wasn’t fully inclined, but it was still fairly upright. Blankets covered from the waist down, and a hospital gown covered most of the rest. But it was his right arm in a sling, the bruising that he could see disappearing under the collar of the gown and spreading down his left arm, a gash along one of his temples that was held together by butterfly sutures. There was an IV hooked into his arm, a breathing mask over his mouth and nose, a heart monitor beeping with the rhythm of his heart.If this is what they could see, he could just imagine what the damage was underneath the gown and blankets.Taryn was seated in a chair beside the bed, both of her hands carefully holding his left hand. Brady stood behind her, a hand on her shoulder.“It doesn’t look too bad,” she said, her thumb rubbing over the back of his hand. “He’ll be fine.”Brady squeezed her shoulder. “There’s a lot we can’t see though.”“C’mon Braeds, where is your sense of optimism? This is Matty; of course he’ll be fine.”“I just don’t want you getting your hopes up.”While Matthew wanted to beat his brother for trying to rain on Taryn’s positivity, he knew that if roles were reversed and he was the one in Brady’s place, he’d be saying the same thing. Seeing his baby sister hurt was something he hated, had hated ever since they were kids, and he wouldn’t want to see her hurting because she was too sure about an outcome.Especially now, when there was a very real chance that these were his last moments here. That Taryn’s hope was misplaced.“He’ll wake up; he’s too stubborn not to.” And all heads turned to see Leon stopped just inside the doorway. He wore a small smile, tired as he looked. “Just gotta have faith, right?”The smile that Taryn gave him made Matthew grateful that she had someone on her side, that wouldn’t let her be the only one hurt when he didn’t come to. Brady didn’t seem to share the same gratitude, moving his hand to cross his arms across his chest.“I thought you’d have left by now, Draisaitl.”“Obviously he’s here for a reason.” Taryn backhanded him before getting up and crossing over to Leon. “Don’t listen to him. You’re more than welcomed here.”And then to everyone’s surprise, she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. It made Matthew burst out in laughter, especially at the look on Leon’s face, unsure what to do with the youngest Tkachuk.-Time started shifting strangely again.He swore he just blinked, and it went from being daylight to dusk outside. Not only that, but his parents were in the room when they hadn’t been before, and his sister and Leon were nowhere to be seen. His mom was in the chair Taryn had been, tears in her eyes as she spoke softly to the prone version of him.“You’re fighting so hard, baby, but you don’t have to if it’s too much.”His dad was nodding his agreement. “We’d understand, kid.”And the thing was, Matthew could see it. Could see how time stretched out to show his family grieving him, his parents holding on to each other for a while before Keith turned his attention to Brady, turn him into the kind of hockey player he had tried to shape him into. And Brady would revel in it, would turn his grief into passion, become every bit the pest that Matthew was while being the captain the Sens needed.He could see that the three of them in front of him would eventually be okay, would make it through the aftermath in more or less one piece.Still, he wondered about Taryn; about Leon, who both seemed so sure that he’d pull through.“Does grief ever really go away?” Matthew asked out loud, aware of the presence beside him.Jimmy sighed, waving his hand in an iffy manner. “I think grief changes, over time, but I don’t think it ever truly goes away. Thinking about Taryn?”He nodded. “I don’t want to see this wreck her.”“I had the same thoughts about Kev, after. Different circumstances, obviously, but witnessing it all after the fact? That was brutal. But man, the human spirit is resilient. I watched him fall apart and put himself back together, get himself clean so that he could be Uncle Kev to the boys and give Kristen the support she needs.”Matthew had seen that too, had been proud of Kevin for making those changes not only for himself but for his nephews. Had told him that too, receiving a big (albeit wet) smile along with “It’s what he’d have wanted.”Jimmy continued. “Taryn won’t be alone in this either. She’ll still have Brady. No way Aunt Chantal doesn’t give her all the love and support she needs too. Yes, you’ll be missed and it’ll be hard, but they’ll keep going, keep on living, for you.”He chewed his lip for a moment in thought. “Is it time yet?”“Nah, you still have a bit of time if you need it.”“Just a bit more.”
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It had barely been 24 hours since the accident, and already everybody was writing Matthew off. The other Tkachuks had requested the room, and Leon had been more that happy to give it to them.He found Taryn in the cafeteria with a cup of coffee and what he assumed was supposed to be a muffin; it was being torn to crumbs by nervous fingers. He grabbed his own cup of coffee before taking the seat across from the youngest Tkachuk.Not for the first time, he noted the resemblance between her and Matthew: the same eyes and facial expressions, though her face was rounder. The way that she chewed her lip was also familiar and made him smile softly.“The muffin say something to upset you?” he tried to joke, though it sounded flat to his own ears.It was still enough to get Taryn to snort before looking up at him. “Tried eating but my stomach is in knots.”Leon understood; he hadn’t eaten much beyond half a banana a few hours ago, and even that had been an ordeal. It must be worse for her, as this was her oldest brother. “Sorry.”“It is what it is.” She shrugged. “Mom and Dad still here?”“Yeah, they’re in the room with Brady. They asked for some privacy.”Leon didn’t have to explain what for, not judging by the expression on her face. They both knew that there were goodbyes being said, that they were giving him permission to move on. While it frustrated him, he could see the heartbreak written all over Taryn’s face. He reached across the table, putting a hand on her arm carefully, trying to give her a reassuring smile.“Watch, he’ll wake up in the middle of whatever they’re saying. Make them feel silly.”Again, it wasn’t much but it made her smile and put her own hand over his. “Thanks.”-Except Matthew hadn’t regained consciousness by the time they made it back to the room, or into the night. Leon graciously offered his house to the Tkachuks instead of a hotel room, stating “The last thing you need is to be worried about accommodations.”He passed off his key to Keith and Chantal along with his address, Taryn and Brady deciding that they were staying at the hospital for a bit longer.“What about you, Leon? Are you coming back with us?” Chantal asked after releasing him from a hug. “You haven’t slept the entire time we’ve been here, and you were up all day yesterday too; you must be exhausted.”He was, running off of caffeine and the final dregs of adrenaline, but he shook his head. “Not right now, but thank you. The guest rooms are made up, there’s food in the fridge. Please help yourselves.”Chantal gave him another quick hug before they left and it was just the three of them.Brady kept giving him an assessing look, probably still trying to figure out why Leon was there. Until he asked, he wasn’t going to give the younger Tkachuk any answers. He was sure that Taryn had at least partially figured out, as she seemed keen like that. Or it could be a sister thing, since Kim could also manage to figure out what was happening without him saying much of anything.Taryn gave up her usual spot to him, the one where she could hold Matthew’s uninjured hand. He wondered if Matthew knew he was here, if he’d be able to tell the difference between who was touching him. He had seen the gentle way that Chantal would push her fingers through his curls, the way that Taryn hung on to his hand with both of hers. Keith had gently nudged Matthew’s shoulder- the one not in a sling- with his knuckles while calling him kid.In fact, he’s pretty sure only him and Brady had not touched Matthew.With new determination, he took Matthew’s hand in his, their fingers interlocking slightly. He kept his gaze on their joint hands, noting the way that the younger man’s hand warmed to his.“I promise to do this more if you wake up,” he whispered quietly in German, aware that it was rude with the others present but uncaring at the moment. “Hold your hand. Maybe take you on an actual date.”“What the fuck, Draisaitl?” Brady asked finally, patience seeming to have run out. Taryn nudged her brother, none too gently, hissing a warning under her breath that Leon didn’t catch but didn’t seem to faze the blond. “One minute, you hate Matthew yet you haven’t left the hospital and now you’re holding his hand.”Leon sighed, lifting his head to look up at the other man. “Yeah well, I’ve had a few revelations of my own. Like you can’t fool around with someone for two years and not get attached in some way. That I don’t hate Matthew; that I actually like him and care about him.”There was still more that he was trying to work through, but that’s what he had at the moment.Judging by Brady’s expression, he wasn’t expecting any of that. Taryn, on the other hand, looked like the cat that ate the canary.“So you’re ‘a guy’,” she used airquotes, emphasizing it strangely. “Oh my God, I was giving him shit because Johnny told Kevin that there was a guy, so I was asking if it was a guy or a guy, and he wouldn’t answer me.”Leon could feel his face heat as he looked down at Matthew, wondering what exactly he had thought. If he had just trying to feel it out with fuckbuddies or if there was more there.
“Wake up, and I promise to tell you everything.”
-Eventually, Brady left too, taking a half-asleep Taryn with him.“You should come too,” he had tried, half-heartedly. “Mom and Dad will be back in a bit and can keep us updated.”Leon shook his head, declining the offer. “Thanks. I’ll go back in a bit.”They both knew it was a lie, but Brady didn’t push as he still had his sister to look after. Then it really was just Leon, going on 49 hours without sleep and starting to feel it in his bones. But he had said that he needed to make sure that Matthew made it; while he wasn’t a doctor or a nurse or anything useful, he could be present, at the very least. Could keep the faith for him and Taryn while the latter rested.Two hours later, he was still making promises: to himself, to Matthew, to whatever higher being deigned him worthy of listening to.His eyelids were drooping, hands still holding Matthew’s. At one point, he had brought the tangle of hands to his mouth and kissed Matthew’s knuckles, promising again to do better; be better.He must’ve been getting delusional as he swore he felt fingers push through his hair and a familiar voice telling him “Sleep, Drat.” Still, his eyes closed as he rested his forehead against their hands.“Just for a few minutes.”-Chantal was the one to wake him an indeterminate amount of time later, her smile soft and fond. “Leon, honey, go home and get some rest. We’ll let you know if anything changes.”“Just need a coffee,” he mumbled, hoping it was intelligible.He ignored the worried looks exchanged by Keith and Chantal as he stumbled his way out of the room and leaned on the wall outside. Maybe he did need sleep, in an actual bed.Just for a few hours.“C’mon, I’ll get a cab for you,” Keith offered, an arm around Leon’s shoulders and leading him towards the elevator bank. “Go home and get some sleep.”Leon could only nod, his eyes heavy as they made their way towards the front entrance where there was a taxi waiting. Keith helped deposit him in the back, giving the driver the address and a $20 tip upfront.If he had been more with it, he would have thanked him; as it was, he barely remembered to wave goodbye.-Leon woke up mid-afternoon, though not by choice.It was the voices floating through his house, getting closer and closer to his bedroom, that alerted him to his company. One of the voices was his Captain, irate, and Taryn. By the sounds of it, she was trying to talk him down but with no luck; Leon snorted at the thought of the littlest Tkachuk being able to get Connor McDavid to stop whatever mission he put himself on.Which, as he was coming to a little more, probably involved him missing a non-optional practice and not telling Connor.Deciding to meet the wrath head on, he crawled out of bed, thankful that he had put on sweats before passing out, and headed towards the noise. Sure enough, there was Taryn with her arms crossed about mid-way up the stairs, moving from side to side to block Connor.He was impressed that Connor hadn’t just thrown her over his shoulder and made his way upstairs.“Alright, alright. I’m awake, asshole.”Both froze, Taryn carefully turning to look at him. “I told him you were sleeping, that you’d only come home this morning after Dad basically carried you to a taxi.”Connor was incredulous. “Really? You’ve been at the hospital this entire time?”“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Leon ran his fingers through his hair, knowing it was just wrecking it further. “I had called Coach to let him know that a personal matter came up, that I’d be unavailable for the foreseeable future.”“Yeah, so he said.” Connor muttered, crossing his arms. “You’re really going to healthy scratch yourself over this?”Taryn turned to glare at Connor, and Leon approached her to put a hand on her shoulder. “You’d do the same if it was Lauren, wouldn’t you?”That seemed to take the wind out of his sails. “Alright. I’ll support your decision, even if I don’t fully get it.”“Thanks, man.”-One shower and meal later, Leon was back at the hospital with the Tkachuks. Chantal informed them that there was nothing new, that Matthew’s vitals remained unchanged and that he showed no signs of waking.“They’re talking about taking him off the ventilator later in the week; see if he can sustain himself.”Leon could hear the lack of optimism in her voice, and was unsurprised by Taryn taking his hand. He wanted to be discouraged, but not by the lack of progress. It was still upsetting that there were only two of them that had any faith that he’d wake up, that he’d make it through.If Taryn needed some of his reassurance right now, he could give it to her.-The days started to pass in a routine of a lot of waiting around, drinking coffee, going home for a few hours sleep, and then back to the hospital.On the fourth day since the accident, Leon found himself in the cafeteria with Taryn, sitting side-by-side and drinking coffee. He was watching a young couple across the way, with a toddler running between them, when Taryn asked “Do you ever see yourself with kids?”“Yeah,” he answered without pause, before taking a drink of his coffee. Because he did want children, wanted to come home to a noisy, rambunctious house full of love. And sometime over the last few days, a blurry, shapeless woman became a six foot two man with curly hair and a crooked smile. The unknown became Matthew, and he wasn’t even surprised.Because he knew that when Matthew woke up, he was going to work on building them a future.Taryn smiled when he told her as much, swirling her cup between her hands. “We used to talk about that when we were younger. Matthew said he was going to have little girls. Brady teased him about being soft, but I mean, Matty would be an amazing girl dad.”And he could picture that too: Matthew in a tiara and plastic jewelry, having tea parties with a little girl that looked a lot like Taryn. Spoiling his princess while still having rules and limits. He’d be the one to cry at her graduations, when and if she left for school.His chest ached with how bad he wanted that.When he looked at Taryn though, she looked sad, almost rueful. “I’m going to end up naming a child after him, aren’t I?”It was easy by now to put an arm around her shoulders and kiss her temple. “Please don’t; he’ll wake up and be insufferable about it.”Her chuckle was wet, and Leon just held her closer.He could keep the faith for them both.-Except it had been a week, and Chantal and Keith were talking about taking Matthew off the ventilator with his team of doctors.Leon sat at Matthew’s bedside, holding his hand and silently begging Matthew to wake up, please wake up. He was barely listening to the conversation, not wanting his faith in this man to waiver. Because this was Matthew: stubborn, determined and relentless. There was no way that this was going to be the end of it.A hand squeezed his shoulder, and he looked up to find a teary-eyed Taryn and a stoic Brady flanking him, the younger’s hand on his shoulder. Her bottom lip trembled as she tried to smile, more tears slipping down her cheeks.“I think it’s time, Leon. We have to let him go.”His heart clenched as he looked back to the prone form of Matthew, still holding his hand. With a sigh, he gave Matthew’s hand one last squeeze before letting go.It wasn’t goodbye; not really.Just a parting, for now.
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Matthew knew it was time, could feel the tug just below his navel letting him know that it was time to go.He watched as Leon let go of his hand and reach up for Taryn’s on his shoulder. Watched as their fingers interlocked, and oh, oh. They were the ones he was most worried about, but he could see that they would be fine. While he wished Taryn better than his sloppy seconds, he could admit that they were going to be good for each other.Jimmy was beside him, head cocked to the side. “Not the couple I expected.”Matthew shrugged, smiling gently. “Yeah, but you can’t tell me you don’t see it.”Leon would learn from his mistakes with him, would openly admit that he was interested in Taryn. He’d be there for her while she grieved, and that would bring them closer together. Maybe he’d spend at least part of the summer in St. Louis, before offering to bring Taryn back to Cologne with him.It wouldn’t be immediate, not with them being long distance, but they’d talk. Keep in near constant contact. He’d be there when Taryn graduated, cheering loudly, and that would be when everything really started. Leon would treat her right, because Taryn deserves it and because she’d demand it herself.“They’ll be amazing.”Jimmy nodded his approval, looking over at him. “How are you feeling?”“Like it’s time,” Matthew replied, voice thick. “Thanks, man, for being here.”“Don’t mention it.”And this time, Matthew walked into the white light with his cousin by his side, feeling nothing but warmth, contentedness, and love.
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Leon entered the house through the garage, calling out “Hey, I’m home!”The sound of tiny feet pounded in the hallway, a little girl with a round face and unruly brown curls running towards him. She was in jeans and a t-shirt with a frilly purple tutu, and he couldn’t help but smile as she finally reached him.“Papa!” She giggled as he picked her up, tossing her in the air. “Hi Papa!”“Hello my beautiful Ellie. How was your day?”He listened to her babble in her excited, broken two-year-old vocabulary as he moved further into the house, hearing voices come from the living room and following them. His smile grew as he saw Taryn on the couch, her phone propped up on her very round, very pregnant belly. On the screen was Brady in profile, looking like he was in his kitchen cooking.“Hey Brady,” he greeted as he leaned over the back of the couch, kissing Taryn’s forehead. Ellie waved at the screen too, with an excited “Unk Braey!”He turned to face the screen, smiling at the three of them. “Hey Leon. Hi Princess Ellie.”It made the toddler giggle before burying her face in Leon’s neck. He waved at the camera. “I’ll let you guys catch up.”“Thanks; supper should just about be ready, so go get cleaned up.” Taryn smiled up at him. “Hope you’re okay with ragout?”“Sounds perfect.”From the screen, Brady made gagging noises. “You two are disgusting.”Taryn laughed. “Shut up Braeds, you love us.”Leon shook his head at the siblings, hitching Ellie higher on his hip as they headed for the stairs. She was babbling excitedly again, talking about a tea party she was going to have with her teddies. It was soothing, and he kissed the top of her head as they reached the bathroom in the master suite.“C’mon, let’s wash up and then Papa needs your help with something.”“’kay.” She agreed easily, using the stool in the bathroom to reach the running water. Leon rubbed his own hands over hers, still unsure if their hands were effectively being cleaned but surmised that there was soap and water involved so it was good enough.They dried their hands, and Leon headed over to the dresser, Ellie once again on his hip. He dropped her onto the bed, watching her bounce slightly.Leon rummaged around in his sock drawer until he found the little box that he had stashed there forever ago.He popped it open, just to find that the silver band was still there, it’s three diamonds still sparkling. It had been bought not long before Ellie turned two, and now she was closer to three and he still hadn’t asked. Now, with a second child on the way, seemed like the right time.He turned to look back at his little girl, closing the box again. “You still want to help Papa?”She was nodding enthusiastically, and his heart was full to bursting. “Okay, baby, let’s go.”-He let her down once they were back on the main floor, giving her the little box. As soon as her feet were on the ground, she was off and running, Leon following after her at a slower pace. The living room was empty, Ellie pausing long enough to check before continuing towards the kitchen.Leon was still a few feet from the kitchen when he heard Ellie announce “Suhpwise!”“What’s this, baby girl?”He entered the kitchen to find Taryn with her phone out and pointed at Ellie, who was bouncing on her feet and holding up the box. Leon crouched down beside the little girl, carefully taking the box from her and kissing her cheek. “Good job, liebling, I’ll take it from here.”She hugged him before running off again, making him chuckle before remembering his purpose. He straightened up, trying to keep smiling despite his nerves.“Six years ago, the unthinkable happened. While the accident shook all of our worlds, it also brought us together. In those six years, you’ve made me want to be a better man for you. You gave me a lot of things over those years too, like your support, making a house a home, and a family to come home too.“Now, I’d like to give you this, as a promise that you’re my forever.” He dropped down to one knee, hearing Taryn gasp. “Will you, Matthew Tkachuk, marry me?”-Because six years ago, Leon held Taryn’s hand while the mask was taken off Matthew. The doctors had warned that it might not be immediate, but they doubted his ability to breathe without it.Except his chest kept rising and falling, rising and falling, in a steady rhythm, the heart monitor keeping up a counter-beat.It was hours later, with just Leon in the room, Taryn grabbing them coffee while the other Tkachuks had gone back to the house due to exhaustion, that Matthew’s hand twitched in his and his eyes slowly opened and stayed open after several long, slow blinks.-Matthew stared down at where Leon was kneeling, one shaky hand covering his mouth. Long enough passed that Leon felt himself start to worry, start to doubt that this is where they were headed. Behind him, he could hear Taryn sniffle.“Yes, Leon, yes.”Leon felt himself relax even as his heart kicked up a beat, his chest feeling warm as he took the ring from the box and slid it onto Matthew’s left ring finger.It might have been a crazy ride to get where they were, but Leon found he couldn’t be happier.