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In the Middle (You Two Get Along)
Aka, opposites attract, but similars do too.
It was Makoto first. There was no universe where it wouldn’t be Makoto. He and Haru knew each other since they were in diapers, taking naps in the same crib as their parents talked and laughed downstairs. Makoto was a scaredy cat. Despite his broad shoulders and tall legs, he ducked behind Haru at the smallest scare, holding onto the back of his shirt. Haru loved that about him. No matter what the world threw at him, Makoto remained soft. A softness that was unyielding and kind in the face of adversity and disappointment.Makoto stood by him, even when nobody else did. When Haru quit the swim team and wouldn’t speak to anyone about it. When Haru’s grandmother died, and he locked himself in his room for a week. When nobody understood him, Makoto was always there.Makoto, like a lighthouse in a storm, was the light that kept Haru from crashing. Even when Haru pushed him away, or pretended like he was fine when he wasn’t, Makoto stood by him anyway.It was late on a Saturday evening, the twilight painting the sky in deep royal blue. They’d spent all day at one of Haru’s swim meets. Haru has placed 2nd, only behind Albert Wahlander. Though he didn’t say it, Haru was pissed; disappointed he hadn’t done better, confused why he even cared. “Haru-chan?” Makoto whispered. His fingers found the back of Haru’s shirt, crumpling the cotton. He didn’t pull, didn’t say anything, but Haru knew.Haru turned, his eyes finding Makoto’s, watching the creases melt from Makoto’s face as he smiles. It was that plastic smile Haru knews Makoto didn’t mean. He didn’t say anything for a moment, aware of Makoto’s hand that had not let go of his shirt. “Yeah?” Haru said finally.“Are you okay, Haru-chan?”The look on Makoto’s face absolutely broke Haru’s heart. Makoto always put Haru before himself. Each and every time, no matter the cost to himself, Makoto would always put Haru first. “I’m fine,” Haru said.“No, you’re not,” Makoto replied. He’d become bolder as they’d gotten older. He’d call Haru out when he knew he was lying about his feelings. Makoto always knew how Haru was feeling. Him asking was simply an invitation for Haru to speak up about it.Haru sighed, easing Makoto’s fingers off his shirt. Holding Makoto’s hand made him feel calmer; a normalcy that only the touch of Makoto’s skin seems to bring him. “I don’t care about swimming times, breaking records, winning race,” he said finally. “But today, not being the best, coming second… I’m pissed.”Makoto’s shoulders relaxed, and he chuckled under his breath. Haru’s eyebrow twitched, but his lips pulled at the sides, threatening a smile. He loved to hear Makoto laugh. “What?” Haru asked. “What are you laughing at?”“I’m relieved,” Makoto replied. He squeezed Haru’s hand comfortingly. “That you’re being honest with yourself. And with me.”There was a time when Haru found it difficult to express what he was feeling. Not necessarily because he didn’t know how to describe it, but because he didn’t wish to burden his emotions on others. He cared, almost so much, that it often seemed like he cared about nothing at all. All his feelings bottled up inside, with no one to help hold that burden.But Makoto, his sweet, innocent, kind, and loving Makoto, always found a way to support him through it. Even if Haru told him nothing of it. The least Haru could do now, now that they were older, was to be upfront about it.“Haru, it’s normal to be upset about these things. You wouldn’t be a competitive swimmer, swimming at the level you are, if those things didn’t upset you. It’s what make you want to be better, what pushes you forward. Being angry doesn’t have to be a bad thing if you use it to create good things.”Haru felt as though the burden of his own emotions weighing down on his chest was suddenly lifted. “You always know what to say,” Haru said.“I think what you mean is ‘thank you’,” Makoto teased, with a smile. The crinkles in the corners of his eyes formed, signaling to Haru this smile was a real one.“Thank you,” Haru replied, with a slight roll of his eyes. But he held Makoto’s hand anyway, looking at the sky, and all the little stars that speckled the sky. Of all the places in the vastness of their universe, somehow, he was lucky enough to have Makoto there beside him.And that was the first time Haru realized just how much he loved him.-----It was Rin second. If Haru and Makoto’s relationship was one of softness and peace, Haru’s relationship with Rin was anything but. Rin did not bring him peace. If anything, Rin found a way to always get on every last one of Haru’s nerves.Rin challenged him every step of their every lives. Whether it was who would grow the tallest in elementary school, who would run the fastest to swim club after school, or who would be standing at the top of the podium after each of their swim meets.For the longest time, Haru thought he wanted to be alone; to be the kind of ordinary and normal where no one demanded anything from you like Rin did.And then Rin left for Australia.It was like a huge hole was ripped out of Haru’s life. He didn’t even know Rin that well. He’d only transferred to their school for less than a year, had only swam in their swim club for one season. And yet, everywhere Haru turned, he expected Rin to be there.Their relationship with each other was a crashing together, tearing apart, and rebuilding like no other. It took years for them to have any semblance of a normal friendship with each other after everything they’d gone through together. When Rin left for Australia again for university, Haru thought to himself that at last, he felt secure enough in his relationship with Rin, that the distance wouldn’t mean anything anymore.But again, Rin’s absence in his life lingered like his own shadow on a sunlit day. Being without Rin felt like being without a part of his own self. The rivalry and comradery they shared with each other was the kind of motivation Haru needed to get himself up in the morning. Rin made him want to be a better person. To be the kind of person that Rin would be proud to go up against.So, when Rin told Haru he was moving back to Japan to be part of the Japanese National Swim Team, Haru was pleased.Rin told him the news over a shared plate of sushi. “That’s good,” Haru said.Rin rolled his eyes, pointing his chopsticks at Haru accusingly. “‘That’s good’? That’s really all you have to say?” He asked.Haru picked up a piece of sushi, putting it in his mouth and chewing slowly. Once he’d swallowed, and collected his thoughts, he said, “Is it not good?” Clearly, that was not the right answer, evident by the irritation building in Rin’s twitching brow. “It’s good to have you here. I don’t like it when you’re away. Things feel different when you’re not here.”Rin’s expression softened, his cheeks flushing pink. “God Haru, why can’t you just say that in the first place?” He complained.“I did,” Haru insisted. “That’s what I meant by ‘that’s good’.”“I’m not Makoto! I can’t read your mind.”“No, you’re not,” Haru said. “I wouldn’t want you to be anyway.”Rin narrowed his eyes at him, “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”Haru shrugged. “You’re not Makoto. You’re Rin. I like you just the way you are.”Rin blushed harder at that. He reached for his glass of water, drinking slowly. His eyes fluttered around the room, trying not to look at Haru, like he always did when he was embarrassed. “I swear you say shit like that on purpose.”“Like what?” Haru replied, feigning innocence that the smug smile on his face gave away.“Embarrassing shit.”“Are you embarrassed?”Rin’s face twitched with irritation, but the kind Haru knows he doesn’t mean. Rin had a tell. He always acted opposite to how he felt. When he was happy, he seemed angry. When he was sad, he tried too hard to seem happy. But no matter what, what he was really feeling was always clearly in his eyes. His eyes were a window into his soul that only Haru could see. “What do you think?”“I think you are,” Haru said. He watched Rin’s expression carefully when he added. “But I think you like it.” And just like he suspected, Rin angrily rebuked him, but his eyes reflected a soft spot for Haru that showed him the joy and love that Rin carried for him, no matter how much Haru teased him.And that was the first time Haru realized how much he loved Rin too.-----This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be. In every book, movie, and TV show Haru had ever seen, one thing always remained the same. The main character always had one true love. So, what happened when it felt like you had two?There were many moments across Haru’s life that pointed him in what he thought was the direction of the love of his life. And then seemingly just as quickly, there would be a million more that would point him in the other direction entirely. Makoto and Rin were two sides of the same coin – opposite to each other, but the loves of Haru’s lives all the same.He couldn’t tell them that, obviously. How did you tell someone that you loved them and wanted to be with them for the rest of your life, but that you felt that way about someone else too?“Something’s wrong with you,” Rin said, matter of fact. Makoto hummed along in agreement.The three of them are crammed in Haru’s tiny apartment. It was the dead of winter, a blanket of snow draped across the city. Haru put out the kotatsu on the living room floor. Rin lay sprawled underneath it, his legs draped over Haru’s lap. Makoto sat to Haru’s right, legs tucked and folded, with his hands nice and polite on the table.“What makes you say that?” Haru replied. He put down his pencil, pausing his doodles of fish and mermaids in his notebook. Rin reached for the TV remote, turning down the volume of the movie they were all watching together.“You’re being weird,” Rin insisted. “All closed off and on edge. Even Makoto thinks so.” Haru raised an eyebrow at Makoto, who shrugged sheepishly. “Even Makoto, with all his soulmate telepathy and crap can’t figure out what’s wrong with you.”The word soulmate caused a strange reaction in Haru’s chest. “We’re just worried about you Haru-chan,” Makoto said. “We can both tell something’s bothering you, but you haven’t told either of us.”“Lay off the -chan,” Haru said, trying to hold on to some sort of normalcy. “Nothing’s wrong.”“Bullshit,” Rin said. “It’s like your mind is always somewhere else. Like all those guys on my old swim team when they-oh my god.”A look crossed Rin’s face. “What?” Makoto said, perking with interest.Rin propped himself up on his elbow, examining Haru with such intense scrutiny, it made him squirm. “You’re acting like a guy who is head over heels lovesick.” Rin laughed, “You got a crush or something?”Haru frowned, shifting uncomfortably. “Rin, stop saying stupid things.”“Oh my god, you do!” Rin exclaimed, a cheeky grin on his face.“Eh? Who is it?” Makoto chimed in. He grabbed Haru’s shoulder tightly, shaking him.“Obviously it’s you, Makoto,” Rin said.Haru bristles with goosebumps, swallowing hard. “That’s not-”“Me?” Makoto said in disbelief, eyes wide. “Why would it be me?”“It’s not-”“You two are basically glued together, how could it not be you?” Rin countered.The back and forth continued between Makoto and Rin until Haru finally interjected, “It’s not just Makoto.” The words came out of his mouth before he could really think about what he was saying.Both boys looked at Haru curiously. “What do you mean Haru-chan?” Makoto asked, trying to make sense of what Haru said.Haru’s mouth felt dry, trying to swallow. He looked slowly from Makoto to Rin, his face burning. “I… I like Makoto. But I… I like Rin too.”-----“Haru… Fuck…” Rin’s teeth are sharp against the column of Haru’s neck, nipping with a kind of reckless abandon that leaves Haru bruised and deliciously aching for days. Rin feasts on him like he can never get enough of him, like water running through his fingers. And he savors Haru like a man possessed. His fingers deftly slide beneath the hem of Haru’s shirt, twisting the fabric between his fingers and yanking. Haru knows if it were up to Rin, he’d rip his clothes right off like paper.Haru groans softly, ducking his head so Rin can pull his shirt up and over his head and shoulders. As soon as the offending piece of fabric comes off, Rin is all over him. He licks his lips, drinking in the sight of Haru spread out on the bed before him, like a meal ready to be eaten. “You…” Rin crawls on top of Haru, kissing up his sternum until his head fits perfectly in the crook of Haru’s neck. He licks and sucks at the tender skin until Haru is panting hard beneath him. “You’re so beautiful.” Rin says, admiring Haru’s facial expression as he runs his hand over the flat expanse of Haru’s abdomen.“Stop saying embarrassing things,” Haru grumbles embarrassedly, covering his face with his forearm.“You know you like it though,” Rin whispers, his lips hot and breathy against the shell of Haru’s ear.The mattress dips with the weight of Makoto as his strong arms wrap around Rin’s waist. Rin yelps in surprise as Makoto pulls him away, setting him down in his lap. “Don’t you think it’s ironic to tease Haru for being embarrassed when you can get so embarrassed yourself?” Makoto asks, a bit cheekily.Rin blushes, squirming in Makoto’s lap, but his arms keep Rin firmly in place. “Oh, come on, let me have one thing,” He argues.Makoto chuckles warmly, “Rin, I love you, but you can dish it out, but you can’t take it.” Makoto hums, leaning forward to nip at Rin’s ear, causing him to break out into goosebumps. “Isn’t that, right?”Rin shivers, pouting. “Shut up,” he says weakly, running his fingers through Makoto’s hair. Makoto smiles, letting his lips close over Rin’s, until Rin relaxes slowly into his sturdy arms.“God, get a room,” Haru chimes in, causing the two of them to break apart and look at him.“Aw, someone’s jealous,” Rin teases. He looks at Makoto, raising an eyebrow. “You think we should put him out of his misery?”Makoto smiles, “We should, shouldn’t we?”Haru rolls his eyes, sitting up and propping back against the headboard of the bed. “Rin, you’ve made Makoto mean.”“Mean?” Makoto exclaims, eyes wide.“Oh, don’t mind him Makoto, he’s just grumpy because his boyfriends are kissing without him,” Rin says cheekily. He slides off Makoto’s lap, reaching for Haru’s hand and pulling him in. “Come here.”This time, Haru says nothing, sighing soft and happy when Rin pushes his back up against the sturdiness of Makoto’s torso. Makoto’s arms welcomingly embrace him, tracing the ridges of his abdomen with his warm hands. Haru sighs, tipping back his head so he can meet Makoto’s eyes. Makoto smiles at him, kissing his cheek first, before slotting his lips against Haru’s, his tongue slowly parting his mouth open. Haru sighs dreamily, melting into the kiss.“God, you guys are so romantic, it’s insufferable,” Rin says. He crawls between Haru’s legs, taking hold of Haru’s thighs and spreading them apart. Haru lifts his hips, letting Rin tuck his fingers into his waistband and slide his shorts off his legs. “I’m here too you know.”“Yes, and you never stop talking, so how could I forget?” Haru says back, earning him a harsh nip on the inner thigh.“Now, now, Haru-chan, Rin, play nice,” Makoto says, caressing Haru’s cheek.“Lay off of the-ah!” Haru can’t help the noise that escapes from his throat when Rin dips his head between Haru’s legs, taking the length of him inside his mouth, slowly leaning forward until his nose is pressed up against Haru’s pelvic bone. “Rin… Shit…” Haru gasps, tilting his hips up, seeking out the warmth of Rin’s mouth.Rin looks up at him mischievously, using his hands to grip at Makoto’s thighs, squeezing as a signal for Makoto to help him out. Makoto obliges, assaulting Haru’s neck with kisses. The warm palm of his hands cup Haru’s chest. His nimble fingers pinch Haru’s nipples, causing Haru to moan out. “Just like that,” Makoto whispers in his ear.“M-Makoto,” Haru whimpers, breathing harshly. “R-Rin…”Both boys moan softly at the sound of their names in their lover’s mouth, pushing onward with their ministrations until Haru is shaking in their arms.Haru’s release creeps up on him, warmth pooling in his belly and exploding in a spark of ecstasy. His whole body convulses, his vision blurring white around the edges.When he comes to, he’s lying languidly on the bed, Rin and Makoto kissing over top of him, working each other to completion with their hands. They collapse, on either side of Haru, exhausted, chests heaving until finally all three of them have caught their breath.They’re sticky and sweaty and will need to change their bedsheets. Rin tangles his legs between Haru’s, Makoto’s sturdy arms wrapping around his slim hips. Through the sleepy haze of his post-orgasm glow, sandwiched in the warmth of the two people he can’t imagine ever living without, Haru realizes, just how much he loves them both.