Work Text
-Playlist-
Spotify
♪
Lana Del Rey-Diet Mountain DewLana Del Rey-Summertime SadnessThe Neighbourhood-WiresThe Neighbourhood-AfraidThe Neighbourhood-FlawlessLovejoy-Call Me What You LikeTaylor Swift-I Knew You Were TroubleTaylor Swift-StyleTaylor Swift-Don't Blame MeTaylor Swift-Cruel SummerDisclosure, Lorde-MagnetsMother Mother-Burning PileShe Wants Revenge-Tear You ApartCavetown-Devil TownCavetown-JulietCavetown-Boys Will Be BugsRadiohead-CreepHalsey-Strange LoveCigarettes After Sex-SunsetzCigarettes After Sex-ApocalypseMy Chemical Romance-The Sharpest LivesMy Chemical Romance-Famous Last Words
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
- Prologue -
"The devil will tell you nine truths, so that you'll believe one lie."
∇
(Three Months Later)
I've always hated fate.
Because it was of no use to me other than to cause trouble, to take everything I had. Fate must have been a sadist, because it first puts the things I love into my hands and then takes them back from me as if to make fun of me. I was leaning my head against the window and watching the road as the car drove by. The redhead next to me was quiet, probably still in shock, but he must have had enough willpower to drive. The tense face, the frowned eyebrows..The hand that wasn't on the steering wheel was gripping the silver cross hanging from his neck, as long as he didn't change gears. His lips were trembling while praying desperately. I was wondering if it really works.I felt like I would go crazy if I don't opened my mouth, but I still decided to leave him alone. He had recently witnessed that his twin, whom he hadn't seen for years, was a mentally unstable man, and that he had kidnapped his girlfriend.Oh, by the way, the lunatic who fell in love with that mentally unstable man was sitting next to him is me.
Neither of us dared to speak. Fate had screwed everything up once again, as usual.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 1: Imperfection-
"We are the lost souls, wandering in the night. Trapped in our mind from anxiety, and find inner peace in a world of chaos."
☾
(Three Months Ago)
Nobody is ever perfect.
That's what I always thought, but the world seemed to disagree. People flocked to read stories about flawless protagonists and happy endings. But what about the rest of us? The ones who are flawed, traumatized, broken? Well, my boss didn't seem to think like me. "Absolutely not." She narrowed her eyes at me behind her sharply bordered glasses. "Huh?" I tilted my head in confusion. "What do you mean?" "Nobody is going to read a novel about imperfect characters, Rosa," she said, rubbing her temples with a unpleasant sigh. "Have you ever read Fifty Shades of Grey? Christian Gray, perfection. Twilight? Edward Cullen, perfection. That's what readers want."I chewed my bottom lip in anxiety. Her examples are the popular guys from popular novels and she was right about their perfection but I wanted another thing. I wanted chaos, imperfections, traumas, and healings in a novel. I felt a surge of annoyance ripple through me. Why couldn't my boss see that there was more to life than perfection? I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. "I just think that some readers want stories that are more relatable, more realistic," I said. "Imperfect characters give readers permission to express their own flaws and struggles. I think people are tired of perfect stories. I know I am."She looked at me while tapping my folder with her manicured fingers. Judging eyes. I am sick of those. Just because she is my boss, that doesn't mean she has the right to reject my every opinion."Rosa, stop with the 'Nobody is perfect.' nonsense. Nobody is gonna love that idea of yours. I am sick of your nonsense, you literally keep insisting about it.."While she keeps talking about the 'nonsense' i am doing, she looks like the witch from the movie named Spirited Away with her long red manicured fingers. What was that character's name again?Oh, Yubaba. Yep, she looks like Yubaba now. Definitely. I imagined her counting the jewelleries with those long red nails.
It is funny as hell.
A chuckle raised from my throat but i immediately stopped it. She raised her eyebrow with an unpleasant expression. "Something funny?" she scoffed.
Shit.
I coughed a bit, trying to stifle my chuckle, "Ahem-no, there is nothing funny." I took a deep breath. "Uh..i just think people have challenges in life and we must focus on challenges and traumas so people can heal and grow up-""Well, here is a challenge for you. You are fired." She murmured, cutting my sentence in half. Excuse me? "What?" I raised my eyebrow while smiling nervously.
Is she firing me now? Are you fucking kidding me?
"Don't worry, you will heal and grow up, right?" she smirked. Oh, I wanted to punch this old bitch's face so much! No Rosa, think about the lawsuit possibility. If I punch my boss, she'll definitely sue me. On top of that, this old bitch will definitely want compensation from me, and she'll definitely get that compensation, too.I just got fired and I can't even afford the compensation if i hit that bitch!I stood there, stunned by her words. Fired? Just like that? My heart sank, and a surge of anger mixed with sadness washed over me. Yubaba - sorry, my boss - seemed to take pleasure in my distress, her smirk widening."Well, don't just stand there, Rosa," she said, her tone dripping with condescension. "You're dismissed. Hand over your work badge and leave the premises immediately."
Idiot. You are an idiot, Rosa.
I clenched my fists to control my emotions. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me break down in front of her. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my belongings and placed my work badge on her desk. I shot one last glare at her before turning and walking out of her office.I couldn't believe it. Fired for standing up for my beliefs. Fired for wanting to write a story that resonated with real people and their struggles. As I stepped out of the building, anger surged within me.
Great Rosa. Great. Now you are unemployed.
"At least i still have my boyfriend. We can swear after that bitch later and laugh. It will be okay," I murmured to myself while rummaging my bag to reach my phone. I dialed his number.Huh. Unavailable. Weird.I decided to leave a message while waving to a taxi."Hey um..I tried calling you but you were probably sleeping or..maybe your battery is dead. Anyway, I am coming over. I really need to talk to you. See you soon."Well, the scene i was expecting to see was not like this:The guy supposed to be my boyfriend is on the couch in his living room. Face flustered, his neck filled with red smeared lipstick. Oh, don't forget the blonde girl on his lap. Both were terrified because they got caught. " B-babe, what are you doing here? U-uh i-it's not what you think-I swear!"A-ha. Pathetic. He is panicked. I leaned my back to the wall, crossed my arms and watched him stumbling over his words with a smile. It's been two weeks since we started dating and he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. "I-uh Hana is uh-doing her internship at the place i work-you know haha. Uh..I was helping her with her college assignments."My gaze lingered on the textbooks on the coffee table in front of the couch. Alright, it probably started as a studying, but it seems like it quickly turned to an intimate private lesson."Wow the textbooks says Geometry but you guys look like studying Anatomy." I let out a sarcastic chuckle. Hana narrowed her eyes and wrapped her arms around my boyfriend -oh he is my ex now, right?- my ex-boyfriend."Oh, at least I am not a girl who tells him that she is not ready for any action.." she pouted but she was smirking.Oh. So you wanna play?"Oh sweetheart," I smirked while pushing myself off from the wall and facing her. "I didn't sleep with him because.." I turned to look at my ex-boyfriend. "He has STDs."That is obviously a lie, but it was worth it. Hana jumped off from his lap immediately with a squeak. My ex's eyes widened with panic and confusion. Oh, the perfect chaos."I guess you guys match now. Congrats~" I hummed while turning my back to leave. I closed the door behind me.I can imagine the chaos inside the house. He is trying to explain to Hana that he doesn't have STDs, and she is telling at him with rage and panic. I let out a sigh while walking away from his apartment, trying to hold my tears back.What an amazing day! Now I am unemployed and cheated on. Total life goals at the age of 26. Girls my age already have their second kids and their perfect life. Oh wait, I kinda caused these to myself, by wanting challenges and healing in my life, right?
I really need a serious talk with my fate decider.
I walked to the train station while plugging in my earphones. While scrolling down my playlist, a notification appeared on the top of the screen.Unknown: "..Hello...?"
RFA..Messenger?
Uh..i don't recall downloading this app..and who the fuck uses Unknown as a username?I just sent a simple question mark as a reply. It is probably a scam message and whoever that Unknown person is, they will definitely try to scam me with advertisements. Unknown: "Can you see this?" Yes I can, I texted while an unpleasant sigh lefting my lips. Of course i can, you idiot. How can I send a message to you if I don't see your messages? Immediately a reply came. Oh, a bunch of messages, not only one.Unknown: "...Finally connected. Thank god."Unknown: "It's not everyday you get a text from a stranger.""Definitely not. What a scam.." i muttered under my breath while getting on the train, finding an empty seat. The train looks nearly empty, probably because of the time.I checked the clock on my phone. 9 p.m. Yep, my guess is right.I sighed as I leaned my head to back. My gaze met a guy sitting far from me, near to the end of the train. His earphones are plugged in, and he is focused on his phone. Black ripped jeans, leather black jacket. His feathery white hair is messy, with the frosted pink tones on the tips. He has a black mask on his face, probably one of those people who is still scared of the pandemic. I decided not to be a judgeful person and turned my gaze back to my phone to mind my own business with this Unknown person.Oh there are new messages from my scammer. Cool. I pressed play on my playlist and Lana Del Rey began to sing in my ears before checking the messages.Why do i feel like this down though? I brought chaos to myself with my own hands. I didn't sleep with my ex boyfriend because we were just dating for like two weeks and i didn't feel that oh-so-called spark when we first kissed.Unknown: "I'm a bit flustered myself. I found a smart phone at the subway station, but all it had was this messenger app."Unknown: "I want to find the owner, but I don't see any contact info or call records..."Unknown: "I've been sending messages with this app, but no reply..."People are smart. Maybe I shouldn't have an answer like them too. Can't i block this Unknown person? I looked and searched for a block button but there was none.
What the fuck is wrong with this messenger app?
And why does your problem should concern me? I wrote but when he kept writing I stopped and delete my message quickly without sending. Unknown: "All I see is an address and some important-looking numbers saved in notes."Unknown: "I'd like to go there myself, but I'm currently abroad..."Hmm..this Unknown person said that the phone was found in a subway station. I am really not in a good mood but I need some distraction definitely. My eyes fell on the led screen showing the stations. I wonder if we are talking about the same train station."An address?" My fingers moved on my phone quickly. I really need a distraction from all the shitty events of today.Unknown: "Yes. There's a Korean address and a long number. I think it is a password."Unknown: "Do you mind going to the address?"That's an interesting coincidence. I went to university in South Korea and i am still in Korea because i found my job as a writer. Oh wait, i got fired today, right? Well.. If this address is close, why not? My life kinda ruined already. Unknown: "That's all that's saved in this phone."Unknown: "I know you're surprised to have someone suddenly pop up and ask you a favor like this."Oh believe me, dude. I am not surprised at all after all those events I experienced today.How can I help you, I texted back.
What's more to happen..right?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 2: Vain-
"Nobody tries to extinguish hell. Because it is fire, its task is to incinerate. You can never take revenge from hell, you will look for those who sent you to hell."
⟡
What the hell am I doing in front of this apartment?
I've had enough crap in one day. I was fired from my job; I was cheated on. Just to clear my mind, I replied to messages from an unknown number and found myself in front of this ridiculous apartment door. We stared at each other for a long time with the silver-embroidered RFA logo on the door in front of me. RFA, again.There are the same letters in the name of the application that this Unknown person reached me. I guess this place is either a foundation or an animal welfare association or something. This RFA must be pretty famous since they set up their own special messenger, though I don't remember hearing about them.Unknown: "Are you there? ^^ See. Nothing strange."Oh, definitely nothing strange. Definitely.Honestly, I would prefer a credit card scam attempt over this bullshit because at least we can block them. But I don't know why I can't block this Unknown person.
What kind of idiots develop a messenger app and forgot to put a blocking feature in it?
Unknown: "Is there a password lock on the door?"My eyes darted to the doorknob. Again, silver embroidered RFA logo. But there is a password lock underneath. Just like in the message.As my fingers were about to move to type yes on the screen, a sudden doubt came over me.
See? Nothing strange.
Manipulation is the best way to lure someone in. The more and quickly you can convince the other person that it's okay, no matter how the situation is suspicious as fuck, you can lure them into the trap just as a moth is drawn into the light.Well, this person said that they are abroad so if i lie, they can't realize it. Yeah. I am gonna lie, i am gonna trick them instead and go back to my sweet home, get under the blankets and watch my favourite series with a box of chocolate ice cream beside me. "Hmm. Don't see one." I texted back. Unknown: "That's strange. There's really nothing? There's nothing to put in the password?"Dude, drop the topic already. Leave me alone, i already had a shitty day. My gaze met the password lock again. "There's nothing" I texted back while an unpleasant sigh lefting my lips.Unknown: "... You sure?""Are you fucking kidding me? How many times are you gonna keep ask about it!?" I whined while looking around the apartment. Then I realized.
This is definitely a suspicious situation. I am fucked up.
"It's not here." I texted quickly, then slowly prepared myself to leave this place immediately. My phone vibrated with the instant multiple messages.Unknown: "Really?"Unknown: "That's strange."Unknown: "I see with my own eyes that.."Unknown: "You are standing in front of a password lock."Unknown: "Are you gonna continue lying?"Shit. Shit shit shit! I was right about my suspicions! I looked around in panic, while my fingers moving on the screen of my phone. My heart is beating fast like a bird trying to escape from its locked cage. Nobody is here. Nobody is around, so how can they see me!?"What?? Can you see me?" I texted with my trembling fingers, while my heart pounding fast. Unknown: "Haha..Yes."Unknown: "I guess that's it then."Unknown: "Plan failed."
What plan? What plan?!
A feeling of being watched filled me with even more fear. I could feel someone's eyes on the back of my neck, but I was too scared to turn around and see who it was. My mind began to race with possibilities of who it could be and what they wanted from me. The feeling of being watched only amplified my fear, causing me to tremble even more.My heart started to pound out of my chest as I stood frozen in front of the door, too terrified to move. I could hear something or someone coming towards me, and I knew I didn't have much time. My mind raced with desperation, searching for a way out, anything that could help me escape. I shook violently, not knowing what to do. I had to get out of there, but how?Elevator. Yes, I used the elevator to come up to this floor. There were stairs next to the elevator. But..they would think the same too..Suddenly, I remembered the fire stairs! I made a mad dash for the emergency exit, nearly falling over myself in my haste. My legs felt like jelly from the stress, but I forced myself to run. I reached the door at the end of the hallway and tried to open it, but it seemed stuck. I pulled and pushed with all my might, begging for the door to open. My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I don't have much time so I gave up trying to open the door and headed to the elevators.
I don't have any other choice.
As I turned the corner, I saw him. He was leaning against the wall, just opposite the elevators. It was that black masked boy I saw on the train.As soon as I saw him, my heart stopped. I knew then that I had made a terrible mistake. I backed into the corner, my body shaking uncontrollably. I wanted to scream for help, but my throat had closed up again. All I could do was stand there, trapped and frozen. The boy walked towards me, while I was trembling with fear. I closed my eyes, wishing this was all just a dream, but the footsteps that came closer and closer told me it wasn't.The boy's hair was a mess, with white locks that had been dyed pink at the tips. His eyes were like mint green gems, shining brightly even through the mask he wore. As he moved closer to me, I could see how tall he really was. He towered over me, casting a shadow that made me feel even more helpless. He was a frightening sight, but there was something about his eyes that made him seem almost angelic.
His eyes were beautiful enough to be called divine, yet cruel enough to take away one's soul.
"The plan failed."The sharp words shattered the tranquil illusion I had been in, like the sudden splash of icy water on a warm summer's day. I had been so focused on the boy's captivating eyes that I hadn't noticed what he had really been doing. The devil had tricked me; I had let my guard down and now I was in danger. I had to think quickly to find a way out of this situation. But how?"I have to find someone else." An unpleasant sigh left his lips. I tried to imagine his face behind the black mask. Is his face divine like his mint green eyes?"Then go find someone else," I murmured while trying to hide my fear towards him. "I..i had enough bullshit today."A soft chuckle from him, touching to my heart strings, fuck no, he is still a villain!"You are feisty. I like that." he is definitely smirking behind that mask. I can see it in his eyes. "But you are the reason that my plan failed. What should i do with you?""Let me go. Please. I won't tell anybody. I will delete the app too. I don't even know how did it ended downloaded in my phone either." Such cliche words but i don't have any other ideas.Mint green eyes piercing through me, like searching inside my soul. I wonder what is he aiming to find, because all I have is emptiness now."I'd like to let you go but..you already know me." he hummed, "I can't just delete the information you have, you are not a computer after all.." Those eyes darkened for a moment, and my heart throbbed at the same time.His head tilted to the side, playfully but teasing. "Sorry, but you'll have to come with me."
Dear fate decider, are you fucking kidding me?
I took a step back carefully. "What if I say no?"His eyebrow raised with amusement. Then he hummed. "What if you say no..hmm.." after a while, his eyes darkened again."Did you think you had a choice, princess?"
Shit. I gotta escape. I gotta escape. I gotta escape!
I managed to pass him with a sudden movement, but my victory was short-lived. An arm wrapped around my waist from behind pulled me back. The moment I thought about screaming, before my voice could rise from my throat, he covered my mouth with his other hand. I struggled helplessly as my back rested on his chest, but whatever I did was in vain."Princess, it will be easier for both of us if you don't struggle, believe me." At that moment, my heart skipped a beat. He was right, there was no choice, there never had been. I had been a naïve fool to believe I had any control over my fate.When his hand covered my mouth and his arm wrapped around my waist, I felt a chill go down my spine. I realized with horror that the devil was in control, and there was nothing I could do to escape his grasp. I couldn't fight him, I couldn't scream, and I couldn't run. I had to accept my fate, whatever it may be.As I stopped resisting, he loosened his grip slightly, but I was still trapped. The moment of clarity that had come over me was starting to dissipate, replaced by a fear that was growing with each passing second. My heart was beating faster now, and I felt like I was slipping back into that trance-like state. I had to stay alert, but I wasn't sure how.His lips near my ear, his hot breath touching my hair gently. "I could just get rid of you, but..that'd be a shame." A soft chuckle followed his whisper. "You are so cute."While he whispering in my ear, I felt my heartbeat accelerate even further. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even think. I was just frozen in fear and completely at his mercy. As he spoke again, his hot breath sent shivers down my spine. He was playing with me, playing this game of cat and mouse, and I was the mouse, unable to do anything but wait for my fate to come. His words both terrified and intrigued me, and I could feel myself drawn in, unable to resist the temptation.
I was the stupid moth drawing into the light. To her own doom. To her own destruction.
When I felt a needle entering my skin, I whimpered with sudden pain. The liquid filled my veins, the dizziness hit me like a wave. I felt my consciousness slipping away, but this time, I wasn't afraid. In fact, I felt relieved.
I am so tired of everything after all..
I didn't care about fighting anymore. All I wanted was to submit to the sweet embrace of sleep. I could feel my eyelids closing, my body growing limp, and my mind drifting further into that haze. I was finally accepting my fate, and it didn't seem so bad.When my body grew limp, his arms wrapped around me, in a protective way."Don't worry..I'll be good to you.."A velvet whisper filled my mind, making me ask for more, but I couldn't even form a sentence. As his arms wrapped around me, I felt oddly safe. The words whispering in my mind were like a soothing breeze, calming the frantic storm of my thoughts. For a moment, I didn't care who he was or what he wanted, I just wanted to be held. It felt like he was taking care of me, protecting me, but I couldn't understand why. The haze was starting to clear, making me wonder if I was dreaming. I tried to speak, but my voice failed me. My body felt so tired..
Just like you're about to freeze in the snow, it's sweet to sleep, but you don't realize you're dead.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 3: Wires-
"There are some souls that exist in the dark, forget the light, embrace the pain, and get rid of the desire to be saved. "
𓁺
When I woke up with a terrible headache and opened my eyes, I realized that I was in a car. The sound of rain filled my ears. The car wasn't moving, so I blinked and looked sideways. With a cigarette in his hand, he was frowning as he watched the wipers cleaning the windshield of the car. I sighed heavily. Whatever medicine he gave me, my head was still throbbing. He hadn't tied my hands and legs, but my seat belt was on.
Seat belt!
One of the things you should pay attention to when kidnapping someone definitely should be their safety, right?
Is this guy stupid?
As my eyes adjusted to the surroundings, I turned my gaze back to my kidnapper. He had taken off his mask. And my breath caught in my throat at that moment. His mint green eyes, watching the rain with boredom, made me forget for a moment the danger I was in when I first saw him, and it already took my breath away. However, his whole face was even more beautiful than angels. Sacred, but also forbidden. I watched how his lips gripped the cigarette as he brought his cigarette to his lips and took a long drag, and how the corners of his lips curved as he blew the smoke. At that moment, I realized that this man would be both my death and my resurrection. "What do you want from me?" A broken, weak sound came from my lips. I don't know if he was more surprised that I had woken up, or that I had chosen to speak instead of attacking him and trying to running away; but I could see his eyebrows raise in curiosity. He turned his head to the side and stared at me with those mint green eyes while blowing off the smoke into the car. "I don't know. What can you give me?" If it weren't for the serious expression on his face, I might think he was just kidding, but he wasn't. Mint green eyes were blank with the dark circles under them, not as dark as they had just before he injected me with the drug. But there was still some darkness in it. I chose not to answer his question. Not because I didn't want to answer, but because I couldn't find a suitable answer. He didn't seem to care anyway. Obviously he was bored because I ruined his plan, and we couldn't move because of the pouring rain, which probably doubled his boredom. Mint green eyes went back to watching the wipers. It turns out that the wipers cleaning the raindrops were more interesting than me. I agreed with him inside my head. His long fingers, short nails are painted in black, moved rhythmically on the steering wheel, like drums. It wasn't like rhythm to music or for fun. It was like shaking our legs in times of stress. He was stressed, annoyed, because this little troublesome girl sitting next to him had probably ruined his plan that he had worked on for days. Those hands had caught me a few hours ago, stopped me from screaming, had the syringe plunged into my neck.
Why wasn't I trying to escape?
He asked me the same question as if he had read my mind. "Why don't you try to escape?" The corners of his lips curled into a mocking grin. "I'm not saying you can run, of course, because you can't. Because I'll have injected the second syringe into your neck before you even act." His eyes were looking at me as if they were supporting his words. He would do it without hesitation and I don't think he would even mind if the needle got stuck and broken under the skin of my neck. "But I'd still like to see you try," ' he muttered, turning his gaze back to the window in front of us.
"I'm tired of trying to interfere with my fate and failing every time."
This time it was me who turned my gaze towards him. When he heard my voice again, he turned his head back to me. As our eyes locked, I noticed the pupils flickering for a moment. Or was I just delusional? "Trying to interfere with fate is for fools," he muttered, squinting at me defiantly. "This fucking world isn't fair to everyone." Then he paused, took a last drag from his cigarette and threw it out of the window. Rolling his eyes, he started the car again. The rain had stopped, and he muttered as he focused his eyes on the road. "It was obvious how stupid you were before you were fooled by messages from an unknown app or an unknown person. Maybe you wouldn't be in this crappy situation right now if you hadn't used your tiny stupid brain of yours to try to trick me at the last moment-" "Why didn't you kill me right there?" My sudden outburst had silenced him instantly. It was his turn to be silent, as if it was my turn to speak. This time he didn't answer my question, and I chose not to insist. It's like we changed roles. After a long silence, he muttered without taking his eyes off the road. "I couldn't quickly dispose of your dead body." I don't know if it was his tone or his quickness of speech, but I felt he wasn't telling the truth. It was a pass-through answer, as if to close the topic and get rid of the question. I stopped asking questions when I saw that he didn't say anything else. I didn't even know where he was taking me, but eventually, this car would stop somewhere. The moment I reached for the radio, his fingers quickly gripped my wrist in a harsh way, making me whimper with pain. He did it without taking his eyes off the road. As his fingers gripped my wrist, I felt like an electric current ran through my entire body. "We're not on a fucking road trip, princess." he hissed. "Sit down like a good girl. We're almost there. You're annoying me." I mumbled in a weak voice. "Just one song. Please." The fingers gripping my wrist trembled for a moment. I couldn't analyze him. He looks at me with hatred as if he wants to kill me for a moment, then acts as if he will cry behind my back for hours after he killed me. When we stop at a red light, he stared into my eyes for a long time, trying to understand my intentions. Outsiders would think of it as a normal interrogation, but it was as if he was piercing my soul with his gaze. He was digging, looking for things that might be of use to him. After what seemed like an eternity, he let out a sigh of boredom and swung my wrist away. "Just one song," he repeated with a harsh tone, like a warning. Like a child who has finally found her favorite toy, I eagerly pressed the radio button. I felt him roll his eyes at my enthusiasm, but I didn't even care. The music slowly filled the car as I pressed the volume button.
"If he said help me kill the president,
I'd say he needs medicine.
Sick of screaming let us in,
The wires got the best of him.
All that he invested in goes,
Straight to hell
Straight to hell
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 4: Toy-
"Whatever the hell our souls are made of, they are all the same."
𓆙
Halls..halls..endless halls..
We had been walking along long corridors for about 10-15 minutes, and my beloved kidnapper, whose name I didn't even know, had tied my hands behind my back after he stopped the car. When I had tried to protest, "I swear I'll fucking kill you if you try to do something stupid," he had hissed in my ear.
Liar.
If he was going to kill me, I'm sure he would have killed me in the first place, in front of that apartment building. I couldn't get rid of your dead body, my ass. I didn't know what he wanted from me. I had nothing to give him except my life. I was beginning to think that he didn't want my life either, since I was still alive, even though he was constantly threatening me with it. I was wondering why he asked me to enter that apartment. What was his plan? I mean, he definitely had a plan because he said I ruined it. The rope holding my wrists was starting to hurt me. I looked up into his eyes and muttered. "Untie my hands, I'm not going to run away. Even if I do, I guess I can't get out of this building." "Shut the fuck up, airhead," he hissed under his breath, while dragging me to the big doors in front of us. I guess we finally arrived. The big room we entered was probably a throne room, but ironically, the building we were in was not a palace. Before I could even look around, I found myself on the ground in front of the throne. With a sudden hiss, I turned my head back. Mint green eyes stared down at me mercilessly. I could have sworn that he really hated me. "Saeran, you shouldn't treat our guest like that. She's a lady." So Saeran was his name.
Saeran.
The mint green eyed devil that ruined my life.
Saeran rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I was sure I heard 'fuck' between his sentences. Since I didn't dare to get up from the ground and my knees still hurt, I just lifted my head and looked at the source of the sound. A beautiful woman with long wavy blonde hair was looking at me. Her emerald green eyes stared at me. Kindly. This was surprising. These were the only eyes that looked at me with compassion in two days. But then, mint green eyes came back to life in my mind. Those mint green eyes that flicker when I reach for the radio in the car, only to ask him permission for just one song. "Untie her wrists. She's not a prisoner of war, after all." She smiled at me sincerely. Saeran knelt behind me, muttering to himself, and untied my hands. I rubbed my wrists as I freed myself from the rope. Had he tied the rope so tightly on purpose? For some reason, I felt that way. "This little girl ruined our plan, Savior." Saeran muttered in a bored voice. "It was risky to kill her on the spot, so I brought her here." Savior..so i am probably in a cult. I prayed in my heart that it wouldn't be some ridiculous orgy cult with sex at their ceremonies. Actually, when I looked at the people in the room, I saw nothing but silk navy blue and gold-embroidered robes and hoodies covering their bodies. The woman sitting on the throne in front of me, whom Saeran addressed as Savior, also wore a white silk robe with gold embroidery. I guess it's because she's the leader. She thought for a moment. We were no longer out in public, and she could have ordered my death. I tried to see the reflection of my own fate when she looked into my eyes from where she was sitting, but it didn't work. She was never revealing. I could feel Saeran's gaze burning on my neck. I was sure that he was eagerly awaiting my death warrant, even more so if the verdict was death, he would be eager to do it with his own hands. The smile on her face surprised me. "Those brown eyes.. I like the darkness in your eyes. This is your home now, my child."
Darkness..darkness in my eyes?
"Savior!" Saeran protested in a desperate voice. "She ruined our plan-" "So what?" she rolled her emerald eyes. "Then make up for your mistake. This little lady will be your assistant from now on."
Excuse me?
"Excuse me!?" His angry outburst echoed with my own voice in my brain. "Apart from the agony of being in the same room as her, am I going to put up with having her as my assistant!?" "Weren't you the one who said you wanted a toy?" Savior smiled, his emerald eyes darkening for a moment. "Here's your own toy. Make sure she's faithful to our paradise and be careful not to kill her. The rest is up to you." I felt like a slave girl tossed around in a slave bazaar in ancient history. A toy? Am I going to be his toy? I didn't expect to get my freedom either, though...to be his toy..
It was like my fate, which I couldn't change, was making fun of me.
What exactly was my fault? I was fired because of my thoughts. What was my fault? I was cheated on. What was my fault? I was kidnapped. What was my fault?
That little girl who couldn't tell if it was her hands or her heart that froze the most.
"What's your name, my child?" she muttered, the darkness in her eyes gone. As I was about to answer with my mouth open, Saeran spoke instead of me. "Her name is Rosa." It was as if he was trying to get away, to get the poison off the tip of his tongue. For some reason, it hurt my heart and for some reason, I didn't know why. "Rosa." Savior repeated, smiling. "Tell me.. Would you like to join our paradise? To be purified, to find salvation..to be purified from this dirty world.."
As if I had any other choice.
"I don't think I have any other choice." I muttered in a tired voice. Such was the extent to which I was faced with 'any other choice' situations these days. I heard a low chuckle behind me. Of course, Saeran told me the same sentence before, didn't he? She rose from her throne and held out her hand to me and lifted me to my feet. Then she hugged me. It was more of a congratulatory hug than a tender hug, as I was aware that I had no choice. Pulling back, she gently swung me by my shoulders towards Saeran. "Treat her well. Guide her to be a worthy believer in our paradise." It was clear that he was not happy with the situation. This annoying girl who ruined his plan, for whom he had been waiting eagerly for her death warrant, was suddenly glued to him. I actually agreed with him in my heart because I wasn't happy with the idea of being his toy-I mean his assistant. "Prepare a room for our new friend, Rosa. Make sure everything is ready for her." Savior called out to several female believers in the room. "And Saeran, don't forget to show Rosa the control room. After all, you're going to spend a lot of time together there." She smiled. Saeran sighed. I think he had accepted his fate, too. He bowed to Savior, and without giving me a signal, turned and left the throne room. I had to quicken my pace to catch up with him. "Wait-ah-wait!" I finally managed to catch up with him. He was playing with his bracelet, which had metal decorations like spikes on his wrist while walking with a fast tempo. His brows were furrowed, his mood was definitely fucked up. He could have drowned me in a spoonful of water if he could, but the Savior had warned him about not to kill me. So that option is destroyed for eternity. "Why aren't you wearing those robes?" For some reason, I wanted to talk to him. "I mean..the ones with those navy blue hoodies." A mocking chuckle rose from his throat. "Because I'm not like them, idiot." His voice was full of pride. "I'm special. I'm Savior's right-hand man. I'm in charge of most things here. She trusts me the most. Your little brain isn't capable of understanding what I'm capable of." As we stopped in front of an iron door, I squinted my eyes up at him, crossing my arms in front of me. "It's not my fault your plan was ruined. Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't chosen me. You'd better stop taking your anger out on me because we're stuck with each other." then I sighed. "I'm not happy with this situation either, but at least I'm not trying to make it harder like you." The moment he held out his card to the panel to open the door, he suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and pinned me against the wall next to the door, hissing, staring hard down into my eyes. "Look at me, you little-" When his mint green eyes met mine, he stopped.
There are some moments in life. Key moments. Like the moment you learned to ride a bike for the first time, or the moment when you experienced your first heartbreak.
In that dimly lit hall, the moment my eyes met with Saeran was one of those key moments. We were not in a romantic fairy tale. This was not a tower of happiness, either. I was sure that there was no place for love in his world. So why did I feel like every time our eyes met, if I took my eyes off him, I would be completely out of breath? Saeran didn't take his eyes off me, either. There was no compassion in those eyes, no mercy or love. Just anger and hatred. But to what, to whom? How could someone as beautiful as an angel burn with such hatred? When he stopped pinning me to the wall by my shoulders and walked into the control room, I understood the reason for this key moment.
Saeran was not going to be the man I could have romantic moments with, flirt with, have a love that would make my heart flutter with hope. But he would definitely hurt me badly, and I would come to him again and again for more.
Maybe he would throw me into the fire of hell, try to make me burn more, and enjoy it. And i wouldn't stop him.
"How long do you plan to think about getting in? Don't think I'll wait until morning for you to come in, little girl." I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard his usual bored murmur. This was neither the time nor the place to ponder these thoughts. "I'm coming in, you idiot." I muttered, rolling my eyes while walking into the room behind him. "I am coming in."
If something was going to happen, it would have happened eventually. I wasn't going to interfere with fate anymore. That was the only thing that mattered.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 5: Ocean-
"Rome wasn't build in a day but it burned in one."
ꕥ
Keyboard sounds.
Saeran hadn't gotten up from those screens for about 2 hours. His fingers were working on the keyboard with incredible speed. "Are you still alive or have you turned into a robot?" I called out from my seat. I've been sitting on this black sofa against the wall for the same two hours, I have no idea what he's doing and I don't think he'll even let me touch his stuff.Again, he chose not to answer my question. We were back to our roles in the car. I mean, I was pretty sure the big screens in front of me were worth a lot of money. Savior called this room as the 'control room' and Saeran probably ran everything from here. Some had camera recordings showing different points of the cult we were in, while others had codes. Just looking at the codes was enough to give me a headache, so I turned my head back to the camera screens."You know, like your leader said, if I'm going to be your assistant, we really need to learn to put up with each other." I muttered as I stood up. "I know you hate me for ruining your precious plan and causing you trouble, and believe me, our feelings are mutual-""Not Leader, but Savior." he corrected, without looking at me. "And it's true that you're a goddamn little troublemaker." "Alright." I mumbled as I walked towards his chair. "You managed to come up with a sentence where you didn't threaten to kill me or stab me with the syringe. It may be a small step, but it's a step after all." A small chuckle escaped my lips. The only time I've laughed in 48 hours. This guy really knows how to get me off balance.Again, he didn't answer. This time I was not surprised. Somehow, one way or another, we'd be able to break down these walls we put between us because we had to. I couldn't escape from here. He couldn't kill me either. Even if we hated each other, we would endure. I was working for him now.
Though… what exactly was I going to do?
"Quick question." i murmured, while standing beside his chair while he is busy writing codes on his keyboard. Long fingers, short nails painted in black. The fingers that wrapped around my wrist back in the car.. Focus Rosa..focus. "Exactly…what are you doing here? What's my job here? What use will I be?"Fingers on the keyboard hesitated. He slowly turns his chair towards me and takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket before removing his black leather jacket and throwing it on the sofa I've just been sitting on. I swallowed. I mean, he was slender but... his arms sticking out of his sleeveless red shirt had already caused sinful thoughts to form in the back of my mind. Then my eyes fell on the tattoo on his right shoulder. An eye with a M letter and a half moon underneath. It started from his right shoulder and continued down his elbow. It was meticulously crafted. The little devil in the back of my mind started to fill my mind with scenarios where I ran my fingers directly over that tattoo and grasped his arm desperately..I shook my head. No. I have to focus.After lighting his cigarette, he looked up and stared at me with his mint green eyes, questioning. He closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke and blew it towards me. Demon. It's obvious how he did it to spite me. The corners of his lips curved slightly as I grimaced at the smoke hitting my face. He definitely likes messing with me."I don't really have to explain any shit to you, but I'll just give you a quick summary so you can shut the fuck up. I hope your little troublesome brain understands what I'm saying because I won't repeat it." he muttered, a devilish grin on his lips. His face is even more beautiful than the angels, but the darkness inside is just like the devil.He took another puff of his cigarette and blew it out again. "This is, you little troublemaker, Mint Eye which is the heaven. Salvation. A place where all the evils of your stupid happy little world are gone and eternal happiness is attained. In fact, the only place." He leaned back in his chair, set his cigarette down on the ashtray, and turned back towards me. "We purify people. We show the right path, happiness. Fucking world is full of filth. Savior aims to purify this world. And we are her faithful soldiers. We are the believers."I tilted my head to the side. "Well, trying to trick someone, knocking them out, kidnapping, detaining them is bad, too." I muttered. "You are literally the definition of the perfect criminal record."Mint green eyes narrowed in anger. "Whatever we do for the sake of the holy cause is permissible, little girl. Well then, if you weren't a fucking idiot, you wouldn't have been fooled. Period." He reached for his cigarette again. "You can't understand." he muttered under his breath."Then let me understand because I don't think I can get out of here. I'm stuck here. My fate is all fucked up!" i complained desperately. That look again on the mint green eyes. Those pupils that tremble while looking at me again. Even as he put out his cigarette, he kept his eyes on mine and stood up. I took a step back but my waist crashed into the computer desk. Oops, that's bad. I pissed him off didn't I? He took a step towards me. There was no sarcasm on his face this time, he wasn't angry, just serious. "Fate is a little fucking bitch." he muttered slowly. His voice wasn't angry either, more like…purring of a cat. "Fate never guides your life the way you want. It doesn't give you a choice, either."I was stuck between him and the computer desk. I looked up into his eyes. Although he was not very tall, he was still taller than me after all. My hands gripped the edge of the table. I don't know if it was from fear or excitement, I felt a shift in my stomach. "Fate doesn't leave the choice to you in anything." he muttered again, his eyes on mine.He was right. Fate did not give us the right to choose either. As he slowly raises his hand, I close my eyes, startled, but his fingers gently tuck a strand of brown hair that had fallen on my cheek, behind my ear. It's the first time he's been kind to me in the 48 hours I've known him, and it just blew me away."You're definitely a little troublemaker." he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, but I heard it. "And I'm sure you'll get me in more trouble."My destruction in his eyes. My existence in his eyes. My salvation..my doom..probably on his lips..what is this feeling..my head spinning..why am i- "Mr. Saeran, may i come in?" A knock on the door pulled us out of the bubble we are inside of. The tension was over. As if coming out of a trance, his mint green eyes changed their gaze, returning to his former cold self. He took a step back, letting me free to walk away from the console table without saying anything to me. He sat down back to his chair, calling out "Come in." with his usual bored tone while pushing back his already messy white hair with frosted pink tips. A Believer entered in his navy blue robe, holding folded clothes in his arms. "Savior sent these for your special guest, sir." he muttered as he bent down."She is not my-ugh nevermind." he rolled his eyes. Believer looked at me and waited. He probably sensed something was wrong with the strange flushed expression on my face, or he was waiting for orders from Saeran or something. Saeran swiveled in his chair and looked at the man with rage. "Are you waiting for a fucking confirmation or something, give her the clothes and go, you fucking idiot." he snapped.The man literally shoved clothes into my hand and fled the room. Saeran was like that to everyone, apparently. No, oddly enough, no one was defying him, obviously they were used to his anger, but still.I glanced at the clothes in my hands as Saeran swung his chair back to the computer screens. A black T-shirt, black jeans. No laundry or shoes, I guess because they don't know my size. In any case, the thought of taking off my underwear next to Saeran gave me a shudder for a moment. I walked over to the black sofa by the wall. The room was dark enough, Saeran was back at his codes, the other door, probably his bedroom's door, seemed closed and I was sure that he wouldn't let me in. It seemed like i have no choice but to change in here. So I quietly unzipped my pants and started changing my clothes. I couldn't help but think about what the previous feeling was. What would have happened if the door hadn't been knocked, if that believer hadn't brought any clothes? Would Saeran kiss me? Why would he kiss me? Why was I thinking nonsense?I mean, I was 26 years old, I wasn't someone who hadn't dated anyone before, but I don't remember having a moment like this. While buttoning the jeans, I reviewed my past experiences in my mind. No. No such thing. There is not a single man with the slightest resemblance. No, not a single one. "Hurry up. Are you giving me a show or what?" A teasing hum divided my thoughts. Damn it, was he- "Were you watching me change?!" i scoffed while quickly fixing the shirt i just wear, covering up my chest, turning to look at him. A mocking chuckle rose from his throat while he is murmuring, his gaze turned back to the screens in front of him."Why would i? You have small boobs anyway."I felt my face turn red till to my ears. "What does it matter to you!?" i throwed the shirt i just took of to him, well he dodged it successfully. Another teasing hum. "Yeah, it's none of my business, you little troublemaker. Not at all.."I sighed with boredom. What if my breasts are small, so what? What does it matter to him? It didn't concern him after all. I crossed my arms and sat back on the sofa.I think Saeran felt that I was offended by my silence because he turned his chair back and looked at me from where he was sitting. "Hey, princess." he muttered. "I don't want you pouting, you're getting more annoying." he sighed. "Okay don't sulk at me come on, let's take those steps you mentioned. Ask me anything. Something simple about me."Was Saeran treating me humanely? Without swearing? Without threatening?"Why did you kidnapped me?" i murmured without wasting any time.The corner of his lips curled into a smirk. "Because you annoyed me. Next question?"I rolled my eyes "That is not a logical answer but nevermind.." i still decided to ask another question. "How old are you?""28." he paused for a moment. "You?""26." then i added. "You don't look like 28. More young actually." i murmured while looking at his face. My gaze lingered on his collarbones. He is underweight too probably. "Do you like listening to music?"I was surprised that he was not only talking to me, but also asking questions. The Saeran in my head was the type to put me through a tortured interrogation, certainly not the type to open a simple conversation asking if I was listening to music."Why did you ask?" I muttered, unable to keep a small smile from forming on my face. Then I let it happen. I let it happen so that my soul can find some peace in these ruins, even for a few minutes.For a moment, I thought that he would be angry with me again, that he would take the anger that burned in his heart out of me. But he just shrugged as if he didn't care. "In the car. You looked like you were begging to turn on the radio. You were also listening to music back in the train."Looks like someone has been observing me a lot. Mint green eyes stared at me impatiently, waiting for an answer."Yeah i really do actually. It silences the voices in my head."The pupils of his eyes flickered again. Again. Then his gaze returned to his cold ruthless self again. "Me too." he muttered with a low voice. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke again. "What were you listening to on the train?"My smile widened. "Lana Del Rey." I looked around with a usual reflex, looking for my phone but then i remembered, he probably took it while kidnapping me. "I'd love to have you listen to it, but I don't have my phone, as you know."He turned in his chair and headed towards his screens. He typed something on his keyboard, then opened Spotify. He pulled out a wireless headphone case from his drawer and handed it to me. "Play it. I want to listen." he muttered. It sounded more like a demand than a request, but I wasn't going to resist it. After all, I was imprisoned in here, on top of that I was his toy, right?I slowly got up and approached the keyboard. I felt that he was watching me, so I quickly turned on the song and handed him one of the earphones and put the other on myself. He closed his eyes. This was an opportunity for me to examine his face.
Messy white hair with frosted pink tips. Dark circles under his eyes. He was not looking sane at all, probably mentally unstable. But he was divine nonetheless. That's how he looked to me. Like a light born into all this evil, but dark as the depths of the ocean.
Then he suddenly opened his eyes. Mint green eyes met mine, my face reddened up to my ears when I realized that i had been caught. But this time he didn't do anything. He just let me look into his eyes. I didn't know why, when it came to him, I didn't know anything, I just didn't know!It's too late for me now. I wanted challenges, well life had hit me hard. I had no escape from Mint Eye or from Saeran.In that dimly lit control room, as we stare at each other doing nothing, Lana Del Rey playing in our ears, "You are no good for me." she was singing to us.
My wish had already granted and I had already drowned in that mint green ocean.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 6: Tea-
"The world's heaviest wreckage is the disappointments that a person is under."
𖤓
We were back to being silent and strangers again.
Saeran wasn't much of a talker anyway, so I guess the moment we were listening to music together and asking me questions was just an exception. Because after the music was over, his old cold gaze returned and he focused directly on his work. I just stood there in confusion. Okay, I didn't expect that we would suddenly fall in love and kiss each other miraculously, but I couldn't understand how he suddenly closed his doors just as he opened himself to me.The next week has been boring for me. During the week, he didn't have much of a conversation with me other than teaching me about my assistant job. I understand he was a hacker and was working for this cult, Mint Eye. He was protecting the security system with the codes he wrote, collecting information on the internet, and looking for new members to the cult. As he said, he was responsible for most things, indeed the Savior must have trusted him. When the believers in the cult saw him, they were constantly bowing and obeying him no matter how angry he was. There was no one who bullied or disrespected me. I was not tortured as I expected. Most of those robed people seemed to have been drugged anyway.During the week, Savior called me into her room twice. When I looked at Saeran for confirmation, he just shrugged and went about his business. Apparently, Savior was looking for a tea time friend or something because she hosted me very well in her room on both visits that week. As if this wasn't a cult and I wasn't imprisoned here. Those two days when I went to her room for a cup or two of hot tea, I didn't feel like a prisoner. Among our conversations, I learned that her name is Rika and that she has been ruling this 'Paradise' (I mean, I know it is a cult, but she calls it Paradise) for about 10 years. Saeran had been with her from the very beginning and she was caring for him like a mother, taking him under her wing.I was examining the luxurious room we were in as I flipped a sugar cookie between my fingers. It wasn't as luxurious as the throne room I saw when I was first brought to Mint Eye, but I was sure it was one of the most luxurious rooms in the sect. It was clear that Rika had quite a talent for interior design.The moment I realized the thought of getting my teeth into the cookie came to life, Rika turned her attention to me. "You seem to like sweets. Saeran is also fond of sweets." I hugged the porcelain teacup in front of me while coughing desperately so that the crumbs in my throat wouldn't choke me. Fortunately, Rika ignored my panic and took a sip from her own cup. "He used to make me these sugar cookies all the time. Now…I think he's grown up so he gave up the cute stuff. He was calmer, now he's aggressive and…angry."I tried picturing Saeran baking cookies in a large kitchen. I imagined how his mint green eyes focused on shaping the cookies, how his long fingers moved as he made patterns from sugar paste. A calmer Saeran. Not like fire, but water. I wonder if those mint green eyes were this dark back then, or did they once glow?"Well, as long as he stays true to our holy cause, the rest is none of my business." She shrugged as if she didn't care.I didn't know why, but somehow I cared. Was he once happy? What was Saeran like when his soul wasn't that dark, when he was just a kid who enjoyed candies and listening to music? Was he this quiet again, or did his mint green eyes sparkle as he excitedly said something?"He is underweight." I muttered, being careful not to make eye contact with her. I felt that she could read my thoughts from my eyes, and I didn't think I was ready for that. The only person I trusted enough to look into the eyes was Saeran, because he trusted me with the same thing, if only for a short while.She shrugged again, as if that were the way it was supposed to be. "He's been like that since he was a kid, he probably has a fast metabolism or something."There was something strange. She didn't seem to care too much about Saeran, whom she had taken under her wing like a mother. Wouldn't a person care about someone she took under her protection? Wouldn't she try to protect him? Okay, it was obvious that Saeran was loyal to her, I realized that she was the only person he didn't show his anger on anyway, but why did he turn into someone like that? Changing moods, tantrums, mental instability..There was a knock on the door as we were both deeply focused on our teas in silence again. "Come in." Rika placed her cup on the porcelain plate. he muttered, smiling. I turned my head slightly as I set my cup down and looked towards the door. Seeing Saeran bowing with his messy hair, my heart started fluttering again like a bird in a cage."For Eternal Paradise, Savior." he muttered, walking past me as if I didn't exist. He handed the file to Rika and stood by my chair. He had no intention of talking to me, and I'm sure he never did. Still, I was waiting for it."I hope you're not mad at me for stealing your assistant from you, Saeran." Rika muttered, her eyes studying the file. Saeran rolled his eyes at me for a second, his cold mint green eyes. Then he shrugged. "I don't really care about her, she's just a boring brat. You can kill her if you want."I wasn't an boring brat when you asked which Lana Del Rey song I was listening to though, was I? Idiot.Rika smiled and looked at me then at Saeran. "Oh, I don't want to kill Rosa. I think she's a very sweet lady. Our tea conversations go pretty well too. Isn't that right, Rosa?" Her emerald eyes darted back to me for confirmation.I nodded my head, forcing a smile on my face. "Definitely.""She especially loves sugar cookies." added Rika.I noticed Saeran's body tense up and his fists clenched. "As long as she doesn't bother you with nonsense, that's enough for me."Nonsense, my ass."Why don't you join us? " Rika pointed to the chair between her and me. "Take a break. Your assistant's here, too."Saeran didn't know what to do for a moment, just standing there. Then he made the decision to sit on the chair between Rika and me. I turned my attention to Saeran as Rika stood up to get another china cup and saucer from her cupboard and turned her back on us. He looked bored as usual, his boredom on him. He wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the sugar cookies on the plate.I was wondering what was going through his mind. Was he thinking about the times he made those cookies? The fun times he had while thinking about what shape to draw?
I wanted to break down those walls he built around himself and see the real Saeran he was hiding inside.
"I heard that you are a writer, Rosa." Rika muttered as she sat next to us and poured tea into the porcelain cup. Steam was rising from the cup. "What are you writing about?""I...i was a writer." i sighed. "I got fired."A teasing chuckle risen from him. "Serves you right. You don't look like a smart person.""Saeran." Rika looked at him, smiling, warningly. Saeran leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, a mocking grin on his face. "Why did you got fired?" she turned her gaze at me.I had a hard time not rolling my eyes at Saeran. "I wanted to write a novel with characters that were imperfect. After all, nobody is perfect. We all have flaws. I think struggles and healing are part of life."For a moment I forgot that I was in a cult, sitting at the same table with my kidnapper and the cult leader. It was as if three friends were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and chatting. It was like Saeran was my cool friend who liked to mess with me, Rika was the mother of our group of friends, she was the one who balanced my bickering with Saeran. It was as if Saeran and I would fall in love in the future, maybe come to this cafe for a date, eat sugar cookies and listen to Lana Del Rey songs together. We would forget the seriousness of the situation, we would forget what actually happened.But those would be in romantic comedies, right? In romantic comedies, the boy would not kidnap the girl by drugging her into a cult. In romantic comedies, he'd go on a date with a girl, buy her flowers, maybe bake her some sugar cookies. He wouldn't look at her with hatred and darkness.But when I explained why I was fired, the sarcasm on Saeran's face disappeared. He muttered in a low voice as he reached for the porcelain cup on the table. "Struggles and healing..""We offer these to our believers in our paradise, don't we, Saeran?" Rika looked at us with a smile. Saeran didn't answer, preferring to drink his tea. Rika didn't mind it either. I was surprised how quickly he drank his tea when he put his cup back on the table. We're talking about boiling tea, after all. He stood up and bowed Rika. "I have to get back to my work, Savior." then he turned to me. "She can come back with me, right?"Rika smiled as she leaned back. "She is all yours. Do what you want."Even though I still don't like the 'toy' situation, this time I kept my voice down. As Saeran headed for the door, I bowed to Rika and ran after him again.Saeran was silent as they walked side by side down the corridor. He was still busy with his thoughts. Then he stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned to me."Nobody's perfect, you said." he muttered, mint green eyes looking questioningly into mine. "So what's your problem?""I have a problem, which is probably why this thought is etched in my mind." I replied."I think you were a disgruntled brat as a kid, and now you're an annoying brat." he hissed under his breath.I couldn't help the anger rising in my veins. Why did he hate me so much, why? "And who are you, Saeran!?" I shouted, not caring that we were in the middle of the hallway. Knowing that he will hurt me and make me regret it. "Who the hell are you!?"Mint green eyes gleamed with anger, for a moment I thought he was really going to walk over me. He clenched his fists, glaring at me with anger, and then just…he just stood there. "I'm..not just one person." he muttered."Which of them is the most real?" I muttered without hesitation."The one who is here with you right now." he murmured."Then…stop treating me like I'm your enemy." I muttered. Later, I noticed the tears streaming from my left eye.
Oh my stupid heart.
If the first tear flowed from the right, they said happiness, if it flowed from the left, they said it was from pain."Stupid tears..why..why are you flowing..fuck.." I muttered to myself as I tried to wipe my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I never wanted to cry in front of him. He was going to make fun of me, or he was going to talk shitty to me. As always.But he didn't do any of it. He didn't do anything I expected. He just pulled me into his arms all of a sudden. It still felt like a mirage when I felt his arms wrapping around my body because even reconciling compassion and Saeran in the same sentence seemed impossible.When I remember the moment he wrapped his arms around my body before he drugged me out, I suddenly panicked and struggled against him. He continued to hug me without making a sound, and I could feel his own body trembling as well. I stopped struggling when I realized it wouldn't hurt. I wrapped my arms around his neck, albeit hesitantly, the tears still flowing. It was over. Rosa, who had a positive outlook on everything and dreamed of writing a novel of imperfect characters, was exhausted."I can hear your heartbeat." he muttered while stroking my hair gently. "Little stupid girl.."This time I didn't even raise my voice. We were both devastated. We were both dark, we were both destruction. But we both needed this moment. Saeran might be full of hatred, he might be hell itself, but he was human after all. Like everyone.Maybe he was once full of hope, too. Fate had taken too much from him too. Wasn't it his natural right to be full of grudges in this situation? It wasn't my place to judge him. It was no one's business to judge him."Come on little troublemaker." he muttered, his lips in my hair. "We need to get back to work."He had decided to protect me for a moment when no one else was protecting him. That was enough for me."Okay." I muttered weakly. When he pulled back, he looked into my eyes tenderly, but then he returned to his old gaze. "If you tell anyone about this, I'll make you regret it." he muttered.A small chuckle raised from my throat as i nodded. "Good." he muttered as he turned his back to continue walking. "Get your ass up and follow your boss, idiot."I was sure I could see that little grin on his face even though he had his back turned. And this time it wasn't sarcastic, it was sincere.
Even if it's for a short time, it was worth it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 7: Frostbite-
"There are two reasons why people don't talk about things; either it doesn't mean anything to them, or it means everything."
⨳
Saeran hugged me.
He hugged me.
I couldn't get it out of my mind as I kept thinking about the same moment for a few days. Okay, I hadn't destroyed Saeran's walls by diving with a wrecking ball yet, but at least I managed to open a crack where the light could seep in, I think.He still continued to tease and mock me, but at least he seemed to have reduced the hate rate a bit. A pinch, a little bit, but that was progress after all.I could understand this progress in the little things. Sometimes when Rika invited me for tea, he would come with me. He gave my phone back and that was a huge improvement actually, he had taken out my sim card which I found logical, which I would have done too. But he had inserted a new sim card and saved his number, ("Your sense of direction is fucking awful, finding you when you're lost in the building is pure torture, airhead." he said, idiot.) I could listen to music (he also gave me a pair of wireless earphones), watch funny videos, and that was enough for me.The door to Saeran's room was still closed to me, and I never brought it up because I didn't dare to ask. But I had my own room, though not as big as Rika's, it was my own and beautiful. It was a room with a bed, a wardrobe, two bedside tables and a view of the garden. Frankly, I was amazed by whoever took care of the garden, there were rose bushes of different colors. I sincerely wanted to go out to the garden, but after all, I was still a prisoner in here, so I had better not push my luck too much.I realized now that I couldn't escape from here, not because trying to escape would be difficult, but because Saeran had somehow penetrated into my heart.There was nothing between us, but the silence we were in during the time we spent in the control room was special to us. I was just hanging out on the black couch by myself, listening to music or surfing the internet and all that stuff while he was doing his hacker stuff in front of his computers. Occasionally I would run into questions, about his favorite color or favorite ice cream flavor, but he chose to at least answer the simple questions, albeit concise answers. His favorite color was black, even though it sounded emo to me, I didn't judge it, but I was more surprised when I found out that he did not have a favorite type of ice cream. When I asked why, he looked at me like I was the dumbest person in the world and said "Do I have to pick a variety, you idiot?" and i decided not to judge that either.Saeran had given me the day off today and I was lying idly in my room. I got up and had breakfast that a believer brought me in a tray (Oh yes, being Saeran's assistant has that advantage), took a relaxing bath, then lay back in my bed. I closed my eyes and spun on the soft bed, enjoying the sunlight hitting the window. It would be nicer if I could go out, anyway.I felt so comfortable that I realized later that there was a knock on my door. I sat on the bed, straightened my clothes, and called for them to come in. I was met with mint green eyes while I was thinking that it was probably a believer who came to get the tray.
Saeran.
In my room.
Why is Saeran in my room?
I couldn't help the redness rising on my cheeks because I didn't know what to do because the little devil in the back of my mind had already started her work again."H-h-heyyy.." I muttered, with a nervous smile on my face. The cracking of my voice is also the effort. Why am I always like this in front of this guy?"Hey." He muttered in a quieter, more relaxed voice than mine and closed the door behind him and leaned against the wall. His gaze found me again as he glanced around my room. "Were you doing something inappropriate? Why is your face red, airhead?"My face turned even red and I threw the little decorative pillow on my bed at Saeran. "Of course not, you idiot!" Of course I missed, it's not my fault, he's pretty good at dodging.The corners of his lips curved upwards. "I wouldn't have given you this day off if I'd known you were going to do inappropriate things in your room while I was giving you a day off." He shrugged when he saw me reaching for the big pillow. "Anyway. Needs, blah blah blah. I have needs too, because i am a man but i have solutions instead of you, little troublemaker."Yes, he was right about that, he has his own solutions. Rika had mentioned it. "He doesn't want a girlfriend anyway, so I let him fool around with some girl believers. It's okay as long as he's using protection and they all have to serve us anyway." she had muttered.Of course, when I came to the control room earlier than usual last morning, seeing the believer with her neck full of hickeys coming out of the room confirmed what Rika had said. I couldn't prevent the jealousy that rose in me, but I never brought up the subject. Saeran also never brought up the subject. It disappeared and forgotten in the meantime. But the devil in the back of my mind already had her script material. Great.The little devil was at work at least 4-5 times a day, filling my mind with scenarios starring Saeran and I. The places were constantly changing, of course, but the theme was always the same. Even in my sleep, the little devil would not leave me alone sometimes, filling my mind with wet dreams about him. And of course, these thoughts made me sin a lot when I was alone. It was sinful but sweet.I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah yeah we know it okay whatever. Why are you here, did you missed me on my day off?"He chuckled sarcastically. "Actually, I was more relaxed. I need to give you more days off."
Fucking demon.
He stopped leaning against the wall, sighing. "Anyway. Get your ass off. We're going undercover."I jumped up excitedly. "Are we going to spy?!"Even though he rolled his eyes at my excitement, I could see the tiny smirk forming on his lips. "It's not spying, you idiot. I'm going to re-execute my plan that you ruined, remember?"I just smirked as I nodded. I was still happy about that we are going to go outside. He shrugged his shoulders. "So..i found a new lost lamb, this time you might see the actual end of the plan if she doesn't try to be stupid like you.""What will you do if she turns out like me?" I muttered."She won't. " he muttered. "I've never seen a more idiot than you.""Then you don't look in the mirror that much." I grinned. Mint green eyes narrowed but he just sighed again. "But if you're wondering, I'll kill her if she tries the same stupid trick as you."The man who kidnapped me, the man who worked for the cult, this mentally unstable man, would have killed for his cause if necessary. I wouldn't be surprised. He was a criminal. A kidnapper. A hacker. A murderer too, probably. Still, I wished his next victim would take a different path than I did."When are we leaving?" I mumbled as we left my room. "Now." he muttered. "We'll go by car.""Oh memories. That car you kidnapped and brought me here in?" i hummed playfully. I should have gotten used to being here now that I was in a position to joke about it."Yes, that car." he simply answered. "If you try to escape, I'll knock you out, bring you here and chain you to the dungeon." he added coldly. He can. I know."Honestly, I don't really have any intention of going." i hummed as we walked down the halls together. We were walking side by side as assistant and boss in the corridors where he dragged me with my hands tied behind my back a few weeks ago. How strange is the life. "I'm pretty happy to spoil your life by getting on your nerves, thank you very much." I grinned."I'm sure our feelings are mutual, you little nuisance." he muttered under his breath. He opened the big door that led out. For the first time since I came here, I was stepping out into the light of day, squinting my eyes at the sky but i was smiling too. The weather was good.Saeran stood by the car, waiting wearily. "Get in that car if you don't want to burn under the sun." he called out, as if I was a little kid and he was my babysitter. I bit my lip and sat next to him in the car. Without a word, Saeran started the car and grabbed my seat and started driving the car backwards.
God, he's holding onto my seat, his arm so close to me..but..how would it be if his hand was wrapped around my neck..if we had sex viciously in the backseat of the car..
No, little devil. Shut the fuck up. Not today. Today we are outside and having the day to ourselves. And i really hope that nobody dies today. Really.
"There is still time." he muttered while looking at his phone. "Our lost lamb hasn't left work yet."While I was watching the road in the outgoing car, an idea came to my mind. "Shall we eat ice cream?"Saeran looked at me for a moment and rolled his eyes. "Am I supposed to point out that every time we get in that car, we're not going on that fucking road trip?"I let out a whimpering whine. "Come on. It's my first time going out in a long time. It's probably the same for you, because I haven't seen or heard of you going out since you brought me to Mint Eye."Saeran must have justified my reason because he muttered something to himself that I couldn't hear. I took a more innocent attitude and continued. "We'll just get two cones of ice cream. I don't want anything else, promise."Saeran sighed. "Are you going to shut the fuck up if we get ice cream?"I nodded with childish joy. "Promise."I don't know if Saeran regretted his decision, but I knew he liked ice cream so he wouldn't argue with me. This time I was the winner of the war. "We can eat in the car if you want." I suggested as Saeran parked the car in front of the ice cream parlor. "I'm telling you in case you're worried about me running away."He shrugged. "We could sit on one of the benches outside and eat. I don't care."A small smile formed on my lips. Although I can't predict his behaviors, the day was going pretty well.Five minutes later, we were sitting on one of the benches by the sea, watching the waves with our ice cream cones in our hands. In an alternate universe, we could be a couple going on a date or two close friends trying out this ice cream shop in a different scenario that fate has drawn for us. But fate was a scumbag. As if it didn't give us both a choice, it left him mentally unstable and me broken in spirit.My eyes turned to Saeran, who was enjoying his stop. He had chosen two scoops of ice cream; mint chocolate chip and latte. He was calmer than his normal self, like a little child. He was silent, but his face seemed to light up with every bite he took. I was proud of myself for proposing this idea.I picked myself a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate chip cookies. Though, I was more interested in watching Saeran than eating my ice cream. His tongue running over the ice cream, every bite he takes, the hums he makes whenever he likes the taste of ice cream. The hickeys around the neck of the Believer, who came out of the control room that morning, came back to my mind. While I was eating my ice cream, my mind started to work again.The tongue licking the ice cream right now, the teeth biting the cone, must have been around that girl's neck as well. Not probably it definitely happened, why was I refusing to accept? He slept with that girl, just like the others he slept with. While he was messing with me, making fun of me, not letting me into his room, he was sleeping with those other girls.Then I stopped. I had no right to think like that. Saeran was not responsible to me. Nothing had happened between us. First of all, he was my kidnapper and i had been ignoring this detail lately. Second, the small chest issue. I still can't get his words out of my mind, look, when I remember it, I got angry again. I took a big bite of the ice cream in anger, which froze my mouth, fuck it!A chuckle rose from Saeran's throat. "Are you stupid, you're going to choke yourself, airhead.""S-shot t-tho fo-" my mouth frostbite is worse, let alone trying to speak with my mouth full. Saeran snickered louder when he saw my desperation."Oh, little airhead." he hummed. "I'll be surprised if you do one thing right."I managed to swallow the ice cream, albeit with difficult. Then I turned to Saeran, squinting my eyes. "At least I don't throw everybody i saw to my room and fuck them.""Uh..what?" Saeran tilted his head to the side, confused.
What?
"What?" i repeated.
WHAT?
A little playful smirk appeared on his lips. "Somebody is jealous." he hummed while licking his ice cream. "I am not." I couldn't help reddening my cheeks, fuck it! "Why would I be jealous?" I tried to cover the situation with laughter, but a nervous and panic-filled laugh came out of my mouth, damn it, the situation is getting even worse right now.His mint green eyes stared into mine as he ran his tongue over the ice cream. It was like he was challenging me. "You dreamed about it, right?" he muttered. His voice sounds like that cat purring again. Like the day he pinned me up between him and the console table."No." Of course I objected. And again of course, i lied. I dreamed about it. More than once. More than 5 times probably. He is going to be the death of me. His smirk widened while whispering. "I didn't say what it was about, Rosa.."
Oh God.
The first time he said my name, and this time, not as if he was throwing poison from his tongue. It is like a cat purring, luring me into a trap but a delicious one, intoxicating but irresistible. I am doomed.He slowly extended his index finger, I couldn't even move because of what I felt. He touched the corner of my lip, lightly like a feather. Then he pulled his finger to his lips and licked it, without breaking eye contact. "Delicious. Next time I'll have the vanilla one." he whispered while smirking.
Oh. My. God.
Fucking fate decider, that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all! If you decide to fuck my life, you bring these bad things to me, so why do you put this angel in front of me when my heart is dead and my soul is broken? Do I have enough enthusiasm for life to fall in love?
I can't live the romantic memories I dreamed with Saeran, I can't do that. He doesn't either. We're just two broken souls, two crazy people. We were just two innocent children, fuckin' fate wasn't fair.
Then our souls rotted and our hearts died.
Saeran could look at me all he wanted with those mint green eyes. He could take my breath away with his eyes everytime. But those eyes always will be filled with darkness, and no matter how hard I knocked down his walls, the sun wouldn't come in. Alternative scenarios in my head would never come true. We would never be normal. Victim and criminal. We were just that. On a sunny day, taking a short moment to ourselves wasn't enough to forget the original situation.We averted our eyes as Saeran's phone vibrated loudly. At that moment, I was sure that he was thinking the same things as me. That was the reason why he was so ingrained in my heart. "Our lost lamb's shift is over." he muttered, but his tone was missing the teasing and low tone from earlier. That tone was gone, I knew it. He threw the empty cone in his hand into the trash can next to us. "Come on." he muttered as he stood up. "Let's lure that lamb into the trap now."As I got up, I threw half the ice cream in my hand into the trash. I had already lost my appetite. How many boxes of ice cream could give us back the past? None. Lazily, I followed Saeran to the car, one hand in his leather jacket pocket and the other on his phone. We were quiet when we got in the car. This journey would be full of silence, I was used to it now. Sometimes it is better to be silent than to speak."Buckle up." he muttered without looking at me."You take care of yourself first." I snapped. Idiot. He's making fun of me without even wearing his own belt.As he was about to start the car, he removed his hand from the key and turned his gaze to me. His eyes were tired, full of pain. This was the first time I saw Saeran like this. Like a suffering animal. "Rosa.." he muttered as my name spilled from his lips like shards of glass. I was burning inside of him. I was hurting him."Do not do this to me." he continued in a broken voice."What?" I muttered. "I can't stop pissing you off, that's my nature, if you don't get i-""Don't try to heal me." he cut me off. "If you try, I'll burn you too. I swear I'll throw you into the fucking fire of hell, I'll burn you fiercely. I'll sit and watch while you burn. Considering what I've done so far, you realize that I can do that too, right?" Mint green eyes piercing through my soul with hatred. It was supposed to hurt but my soul was already broken. "How can I heal you when I can't even heal my own wounds?" I whispered, my voice cracked, my eyes filled with tears again. I grit my teeth, not this time, no, would I cry in every argument with him?!"Don't!" He shouted at me with a panic-like voice. "Don't. Don't cry. Don't cry!" He wasn't having a tantrum, but he wasn't in a sane mood either. "Fuck, Rosa, don't cry. Don't fucking do it!"I didn't know if my lip hurt more or if it was my heart as I bit my lower lip and held myself back. If they competed with each other, my heart would win, I was sure of it. Because it was the loser in every other area.When I felt his hand on my cheek, my whole body felt like it was on fire. Regardless, I would be drawn to him. He leaned and rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes. "Don't cry, Rosa. I beg you." he muttered in a broken voice."Why?" I complained, my voice shaking. "Why...why...why are you bleeding me while running to me with the bandage in your hand at the same time!"Was it the stars that fell on my cheeks or was it his tears? Was this wounded man, this dark man crying with me now?"I build and break." he muttered. "I break and mend because to me the world is just a fucking toy. I play and I finish. I'm always in control, but something is different this time." he continued, his voice falling to a whisper.When he pulled his forehead back from my forehead and looked into my eyes, he looked so empty, so soulless that for a moment I thought it was my own tears that fell on my cheeks, but no. Tears were indeed flowing from his empty eyes. "I don't like this at all." he hissed under his breath.Without taking his eyes off mine for a moment "Are you afraid of me?" he whispered. I don't know if he thought I was going to lie or he didn't break eye contact because he wanted me to be scared, but I answered without hesitation. "No.""Even if I say I'm going to tear you apart? Even if I say I'm going to burn you to ashes?" There was not the slightest doubt in his voice. As if if I said yes, he would pull out his knife and stab my heart over and over again."Let me know if you find anything left of me, and we'll tear it apart together." I muttered.A sarcastic but disbelieving laugh rose from his throat. "You don't understand. You have no idea how horrible, how awful a man I can be. There is no one I wouldn't sacrifice to reach my goa-""But you didn't sacrifice me.""That's.." he tried to protest but he trailed off. It was true. He didn't.Our tears had stopped, along with our voices. He muttered after what seemed like an eternity of silence. "And that's fate's fucking shitty game on us."
And that day, in that car, I thanked to fucking fate for the first time in my life. For bringing Saeran to me, despite everything it stole from me.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 8: Light-
"And like the moon, we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again."
❍
"I wonder if you had to bring me back here?"We parked in front of the apartment where he had tricked me with his texts a few weeks ago (the day I ruined his plan, of course). Saeran muttered, keeping his eyes on his phone. "You didn't complain about eating the free ice cream, though.""Hey!" i protested. "Everyone likes free ice cream, how many assistants make their bosses buy ice cream these days?""Assistants who are crazy like you." he muttered under his breath again. "If you mention it when we get back, I'll put your words right back in your mouth and i wouldn't even care if you choke."The windows of the car were foggy, covered with black film, so we could see the people outside, they couldn't see us. It wasn't even clear we were in the car."Don't you need permission for that?" I muttered. "For black film wrapping. Isn't that something that's only allowed to officials?"Saeran shrugged, as if this were normal. He was texting with the new victim, it was easy to know what he was typing because he had sent the same messages to me once. Now that day felt like a distant past. "Savior finds a way to everything somehow. Don't question it." he muttered.It seemed like a very mysterious answer to me, but I still didn't push it. I was also relieved that my crying session about 10-15 minutes ago was not seen by anyone. Only by Saeran, and for a moment he had pulled down the walls he had built around him, but now he was back to usual, thanks to his ever-changing mood. He had gone back behind his walls."What exactly is in that apartment?" I muttered, resting my face on my elbows. He paused texting for a moment, turning to me and tilting her head to the side. "Guess." he muttered, as if asking me a puzzle, waiting for me to answer. I thought for a while, staring at the apartment in front of me. "Hmm.. Do you knock people out and kidnap them inside?"A mocking laugh escaped his throat. "Very funny, idiot."I looked at him with curious eyes. "Seriously. What's inside? What's so important is fooling the poor girls—and why especially girls, I'm curious as well."He hummed playfully while putting his phone aside for a moment. "How can I say...because it's easier to knock girls out than boys. And of course, you're more easily deceived, which i have the example right next to me.""Bastard." i hissed under my breath while he is smirking. How I became attached to this guy in a few weeks, if only I could understand. "I get it, okay, I'm pretty bad at defending myself, never mind. Don't get distracted. What's inside of that apartment?" I insisted.He opened his mouth for a full explanation when his phone vibrated again. We both looked at each other at the same time, Saeran grinned. "Yes, our lost lamb has arrived."As I looked towards the apartment, I saw a brown-haired girl with long bangs wearing a cream-colored tunic with brown leggings. Her age was probably close to me. "This one looks hot, thank God." he hummed, still laughing as i slapped his arm. "Don't be spoiled. I could trade you for her at any time." he hissed solemnly."You can't~" I muttered as I watched her. "No one can be like me.""Well, you're right about one thing. No one can be a bitchy little nuisance like you.""Can't you just not make fun of me at every opportunity?" I rolled my eyes, even though I wasn't looking at him, I knew that little smirk was on his lips."I never miss an opportunity, princess." he muttered. He turned his attention back to the phone. "Look, this one turned out to be dumber than you, you're lucky. I am not gonna kill her." he handed me his phone. This time, the girl had entered the password, unlike me. Saeran's mint green eyes sparkled with excitement, after all, his plan had finally succeeded, he had managed to get someone in. But what would happen next?Saeran took the phone back from my hands while I was looking at the messenger screen. "I need to disconnect, princess. So they won't trace me." he muttered. Who? Who won't trace him?"And done!" he hummed happily with a little bit deranged hum, "I hope our dear little lamb MC will be of use to us." he added.
MC. So this was her name. I prayed in my heart that she was safe. Because Saeran, who kidnapped me just because I didn't listen to him and didn't go through that door, who knows what he would do to the person who came in.
"Yeah, we're done here. Let's go back." he muttered as he started the car.I glanced at the time on my phone after I turned my eyes to the sunset. "Saeran." I muttered, careful to keep my voice calm. He didn't answer, but I knew he had his attention on me. "Can we... stay outside a little longer?""I didn't take this car out to show you around, you know that airhead?" he muttered as he pulled the car out of the parking lot.I sighed. "Yes, i know but...after we're back at Mint Eye, I don't know when I'll be able to go out again." I muttered. My voice was weak, but I was just showing my true feelings. "You can probably go out whenever you want, but I can't. No matter how good my situation is, I'm still in prison there. I don't think you guys are going to release me either, so…please." I added.Saeran kept his eyes on the road as he drove. He did not answer for a long time. Of course he would not comply with my request. After all, we didn't become friends right away because he took down his walls for a short time. I jumped with a murmur as I lost hope and leaned my head against the glass. "I think we can stay a little longer. But I'll choose what to do."I turned my eyes to him with hope. "Really?" Even though he tried to hide the childish smile that formed on his lips, I could see it. "Don't exaggerate, like I said, we'll do whatever I want." he rolled his eyes.I didn't care. I was going to spend a little more alone time with Saeran, that was all that mattered. "Okay what are we going to do?" i hummed happily."Shut the fuck up so I can focus on the road, you little troublemaker." he groaned with boredom. I softly chuckled but didn't insist.There was only soft music playing in the car as the road flowed by. I loved this silence. Even silence sounded good with him, no matter how cliché it was. As Saeran focused on the road, I turned my eyes to him. Mint green eyes were focused on the road, and if I hadn't recognized the dark circles under his eyes and if i had not met him, I would have thought he was an ordinary man of sound mind. One who is mentally stable.But I knew this Saeran who is sitting next to me. The madman, whose heart is filled with darkness, is angry. The dangerous hacker, works for a dangerous cult. The Unknown, the criminal. Despite all this, he is the man who has ingrained himself in my heart.He parked the car in a high place, on the seashore. After turning off the engine, he turned to me. "So, are you going to get off or should we stay in the car?" he muttered."Let's not stay in the car." I muttered, smiling. He unlocked the door, muttering something under his breath, and we got out of the car together. "Why are we here?" I muttered as I inhaled the salty sea scent. I looked down from the cliff, it looked pretty high.He leaned against the hood of the car, crossing his arms. "So that you can't escape. Because you have to jump from that cliff to escape, airhead." he smirked wickedly. But i just shrugged."I have no intention of running away any longer, Saeran." I muttered."Why? Are you a poor girl with stockholm syndrome?" he murmured while smirking. "Or do you have daddy issues?" He reached to his leather jacket's pocket, pulled out his cigarette pack. I watched him light a cigarette with his lighter, the orange flames emerging from the tip as he took the first drag, and his lips pursed as he blew the smoke. It was none of them. I was directly infected with the Saeran disease and it was too late for me. "Who knows? I never ever had a family when i was a kid. Did you?" i tilted my head, looking into his eyes.He was offended by my question. His body tensed for a moment and averted his eyes. He took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it out nervously, as if trying to get rid of his feelings. Would cigarette take away what's inside us too? "My family is Mint Eye." he muttered, under his breath, his voice barely audible."Well, you weren't born there, after all." I muttered insistently. "You had a life before Rika took you under her wing, after all.""Who cares?" he muttered. "I was born into hell, Rosa. The Savior saved me. I think you should know that much, nothing more.""I care. I thought we were partners in trouble?" I muttered."You know how we cried together in the car today-""Fuck it! Fuck it, Rosa! Forget it! Stop digging!" He suddenly interrupted my sentence with his snapping and it made me jumped with fear. Before he finished his cigarette, he angrily tossed it off the cliff. "You're always planning to find something, you're constantly digging, but there's nothing you can find! What do you want from me? What are you planning to learn!?" He was looking mentally unstable again. Mint green eyes filled with rage, but..he was broken too. "What have you done but cause me trouble since the day I met you?!" He was very angry, I had never seen him this angry. "You ruined my plan, I was stuck with you because I couldn't kill you, on top of that Savior gave you as an assistant to me as if you were so useful! You can't even find your way around the building, I have to keep an ear on the phone every time I send you to fetch something so I can give you directions!" he hissed."So you would do anything to get rid of me?" I muttered."Definitely!" His eyes widened with unstability. What had happened to Saeran to be so out of his mind? Since he was so angry, the emotions trapped inside the jar were worse than I thought. "I would have killed you there that day if I had the chance, but-" he trailed off. I stopped leaning on the car. "Okay, I'll make it easy for you then." I muttered. I looked into the sunset as the sound of waves crashed against the rocks."What the fuck are you planning to do this time?" he muttered. "What more trouble are you planning to cause me?""I will interfere with fate for the last time." I muttered. "You're not the one I'm going to cause trouble this time. It will be fate, I will trouble fate itself." The cliff seemed high enough, I was sure I would succeed."W-what are you planning to do?" The sarcasm and anger in his voice seemed to begin to break. "You're talking nonsense again, airhead.""There will be no one to come looking for me." i smiled sadly. "And you can go back on your own. And you'll choose that girl you left hickeys on her neck as your assistant. I'm sure she won't give you any trouble like I did. Besides... your plan worked out in the end too." i took a step away from him."What, are you going to jump down?" I could hear his sarcastic laugh behind me. "I knew you were weak, but I didn't think you would be this hopeless."Was I really numb or had I really come to the end of my life? Turning my back to the cliff and facing Saeran, I searched for an answer in his eyes. I looked for a reason not to die. But he continued to stare at me with blank eyes and a mocking grin on his lips."This time, I won." I muttered while smiling. "I conquered the fate."When I spread my arms to my sides and let myself go, I saw that the blank stare in his mint green eyes was replaced by fear and terror. He rushed forward desperately and grabbed me by the wrist. I was numb, not reacting even when I felt his arms tighten around me. "I swear, one day I'll fucking make you regret that you were born Rosa!" he hissed in my ear."Why did you interfere?" I muttered, my voice just above a whisper. "I would have fallen if you had let go.""I will never let you fall unless you are a bird." he hissed. He pulls back and grabs my shoulders hard and bends down to look me in the eyes.
What difference would it make, the ocean below, or the ocean in Saeran's eyes? Both were painful to me.
"Will you get hurt? Only I can do that to you. Will you cry? I'll make you cry, but you will cry in my arms only. Will you die? You will die at my hand only!" He was literally screaming while looking into my eyes with his mint green eyes, piercing my soul and burning my heart. "Fuck the rest of the possibilities. Got it?!"Words.. The words that pierced like a spear and stabbed like an arrow against everyone who teased me were not coming out of my lips this time. I was silent. It was the first time that I was so silent and the only solution to my silence was the man in front of me."I don't believe in love." he muttered. "Love, affection, trust, friendship.. It's all just fucking lies to me. Just once in my life.. the moment I trusted someone with my everything, he left me alone in hell. And I've dedicated my whole life to making him live what I've been through."I was listening to him without making a sound. I wasn't trying to break down his walls this time, he was struggling to get rid of his own. "I cannot give you hopes or dreams. It's been a long time since what's inside of me has run out. But I want your light, Rosa.""Savior...she said that she saw darkness in my eyes." I muttered in a low voice. "You were there that day too.""But I am so dark, Rosa, that your darkness is the only light I can reach." he whispered, not taking his eyes off mine. An outsider would say he was crazy. He's crazy, dangerous, can get you in trouble, and someone to stay away from.
But all I saw was a shattered child who had just trusted the wrong person, was born into hell, lived through hell and in the end, lost his mind.
"Alright." I sighed. "I'll be a light to you. I don't know how, but I will be."
But the child in me was already dead.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 9: Elixir-
"Love is blind, deaf and fucking dumb."
⚘
Who ruined Saeran's life?
On the way back to Mint Eye, I had only this question in my mind in the deep silence in the car. The road was flowing, the sun had already set, and the moon had already risen into night. Saeran was as quiet as ever, finally calming down, probably because he was suddenly screaming at all the anger that had built up inside him. Of course, that didn't mean his anger was over, but for now he was sure not to yell at me.It was difficult to find the answer to the question. He gave me some clues, like someone he trusted and left Saeran alone. The period of time he meant was probably before Rika took him under her protection. In this case, that person was either a father or a brother.But the strange thing was that some doubts arose in me at this part of the story. In our conversation with Rika the other day, it caught my attention that while she was saying that she took Saeran under protection, she didn't care about Saeran at the same time. So I think they have something more like a leader-disciple relationship than a protector-son relationship. Saeran's mental problems were also confusing me. Drugged disciples..believers..Saeran's aggressive manners..There were too many gaps in the story, which made it very difficult for me to find the answer to my question. Unfortunately, one of the worst aspects of being a writer is the blockage that comes from not being able to fill in the blank.Saeran didn't say a word after we got back. He just quietly parked the car, waited for me to enter, then closed the big door behind us. While the believers passing by greeted us, he did not taunt any of them. Okay, I was used to him being quiet, but this much was making me nervous.When we got to the front of the control room, he turned and looked at me with tired eyes. "You don't have to come until I call. Pretend you're on day off." he muttered simply, walking into the control room and closing the door behind him. I just stood in front of the door, not knowing what to do.Saeran didn't call me for about 2 days. When I messaged him, it was all forwarded. When I called, his phone was ringing, ringing, but no one picked up. I didn't even dare to go to his room.On the morning of the third day, it was raining heavily outside. I sighed while looking at the garden from the window of my room. It couldn't last like this. Even if he was going to yell at me, get angry, or even chain me to the dungeon, I would go and talk to him.After I had my breakfast, had a quick shower and changed, when I headed for my door to leave, there was a knock on my door at the same time. I eagerly opened the door, hoping to be met with mint green eyes, but there was a believer standing in front of me."Mr. Choi wants to see you." the believer bowed.
Choi? Who the fuck is Mr. Choi?
"Excuse me?" i tilted my head. "Who is Mr. Choi?"The believer raised his head and looked at me with blank eyes. "Mr. Saeran Choi, Miss Rosa."
Wow, I've been here for over a month and a half and I learned Saeran's last name from a believer, not from him.
"Thanks, I'll be there in a few minutes." I sighed and muttered.Even though I said a few minutes, it took me 10 minutes to leave the room. That's why I ran the road. After entering the password on the panel in the control room, I went inside. Saeran wasn't sitting in front of computer screens as I had expected, his leather jacket was hanged on his chair and he was lying on the sofa. His eyes were closed and he had his arm over his face."I heard that you asked me to come." I mumbled, walking calmly towards him. Computer screens were on and some chat screens were showing, but I couldn't read because I wasn't looking carefully."I didn't call you. I don't fucking remember anything about that crap." he grumbled."No? 10 minutes ago a believer came and said you called me. Here I am, what do you want?" i crossed my arms as i stand in front of the sofa he was laying down.He grumbled again. "So I didn't call you now, I did it 10 minutes ago. You can't get your ass up and come right off, damn it. I needed you 10 minutes ago.""Saeran, you haven't seen me for 3 days and the first thing you do is make a fuss? Really.." i sighed while shaking my head in disappointment. "Oh, also, how nice to learn from a believer that my boss's last name is Choi." I added sarcastically. "We have a really nice boss-assistant relationship, don't we?""Rosa, I feel like my head is getting fucked, please shut the fuck up." he grumbled, pulling his arm away from his face as he looked up to me. That's when I noticed how prominent the black circles under his eyes were.I squatted next to the sofa and pushed back the already messy hair on his forehead. With my touch he tensed but he didn't push away my hand either. "Looks like your sleep pattern is ruined, if you ask me." I muttered.He looked at me with a mocking smile. "Just my sleep pattern? It's a good sign then." He sat up straight on the sofa and bent down with his head in his hands. "I feel like my head is going to crack." he muttered. I looked around the room. There was no first aid kit or medicine box in sight. "Did you take any painkillers?" I muttered. "Are you sick?"Sighing, he shook his head from side to side. "I'm not sick. I just… took the elixir. It always has these effects, but it will eventually pass."It was then that I saw the small empty glass bottle on the coffee table. When I took it in my hand and took the cap off, when I smelled the bottle, it had a unsual smell. "What's inside it?" I muttered, turning my eyes back to Saeran as i put the bottle back to the table carefully. "Some..herbs..how the hell would I know, Savior is preparing it. Something useful, she gives us to strengthen us.” he rolled her eyes. Then he put his head in his hands again."Well, it's causing you pain, why would it hurt you if it's useful?" I muttered.A mocking chuckle rose from his throat again. "Because you haven't been purified yet. That's why you don't know, airhead." he muttered. "The goal is to get over the pain anyway. When you get over the pain, you get stronger. Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'no pain no gain', huh?""I heard. But you look miserable right now." I muttered. He didn't answer, just grumbled. After a long silence, I spoke again. "Do you want me to take you to your room?"He lifted his head and looked at me wearily. "What the hell am I gonna do in my room?"I shrugged. "I don't know, you can sleep in your bed. You don't look like you're going to work today, and it's better than lying on the couch." Of course, I also want to see his room too, but I won't mention it.He seemed to weigh my suggestion, because he didn't directly object. After a while, he stood up, clutching the arm of the sofa. "Okay. Take me to my fucking bedroom." he grumbled. He tried to walk by letting go of the arm of the chair, but when he wobbled, I immediately wrapped my arm around his waist and threw his arm over my shoulder. He is almost twice me, even though he is underweight. Still, I grit my teeth and carried him to the front of his room."Is it locked?" I muttered. Saeran shook his head instead of answering, and I opened the door. A simple room with black furniture greeted me.I never imagined Saeran's room like this. For example, there was no torture device in the room. I noticed Saeran looking at me as I giggled to myself. "What are you laughing at?" he grumbled. I continued to smile as I carried him to his bed."I never imagined your room like this." I chuckled. "I was expecting torture devices, guillotine or something like that.""I don't do the tortures in my room. There's a dungeon for that." he muttered under his breath. "You'll see it soon if you keep getting on my nerves.""Yeah yeah. Get well first, then you can torture me comfortable later." I muttered as I laid Saeran on his bed.He raised his hand when I reached for the blanket to cover him. "I am not tired." he muttered. "I just have a headache that's all." "Alright." I muttered, and I just stood there by his bed, not knowing what to do. Outside the window, the rain continued to pour with all its might. Saeran closed his eyes and lay in silence for a while, then stared at me again."Are you going to just stand there?" he muttered."I mean, we're not going to cuddle after all. I can't think of any other options." I tilted my head again.He sighed. "You're getting on my nerves. Sit next to me." It was more of a demand than a request, and I preferred to obey rather than rant. And where would I find this opportunity again?Saeran's bed was comfortable. They had black bedding, a soft, silky texture. Even his pillows were black, I remember him saying the other day that his favorite color was black. When I looked around and examined his furniture, I started to like his room even more. Who knows how many girl believers had entered this room, slept in this bed, slept in his arms at night, who knows? This thought was just starting to scorch my heart, so I shook my head."What are you thinking?" he muttered as he stared at the ceiling. I didn't think he cared much, but I answered anyway. "I was thinking how many girls might have gotten into this bed before."A smirk appeared on his lips. "Let me make it easy for you. A lot." he muttered. I rolled my eyes. But then he talked again. "But none of them carried me into this room. And none of them just lay next to me like you're doing now."That was his way of saying 'None of them has seen this side of me.' and it was enough for me.We continued to stare at the ceiling in silence as we lay side by side. "Saeran, have you ever been in love?" Words spilled from my lips before I could stop them.I felt his gaze turn to me, but I continued to stare at the ceiling. I couldn't take the question back either. "No." he muttered. After a while he repeated the same question. "What about you?""No." then i added. "I..guess so.""I guess so?" ' he repeated, rather suspiciously."I don't know how I feel about you." I muttered. "And I know you won't feel those feelings. We can't have a future, and I know that." i sighed. I didn't have the courage to look into his eyes this time."Rosa." he muttered."I know, i know." I sighed. "I'm being silly again, as usual.""Rosa." he repeated again, with a more stern voice. "I know, I get on your nerves. Whatever I do, I get on your nerves anyway." i sighed again."Rosa!" He grabbed my chin with his hand and turned it towards him. "Shut the fuck up and listen to me." he hissed.I just gaped at him without saying anything. Saeran continued with a sigh without letting go of my jaw. "You talk too much. Really. Sometimes you fuck my mind and you annoy me so much." he grumbled."Then why did you tell me to stay here?" I rolled my eyes. "I'd go to my room, you'd be comfortable.""Because I couldn't think of anything but you during these three days!" I wasn't sure if I had heard the words wrong as he screamed with anger in my face."I-I don't get it? You t-thought about me?" I stammered. Why though, why would he think of me? These are the tricks of the little devil in my mind, that's for sure."I don't know why and I don't like it at all." he hissed under his breath. "I'm sleeping, you're on my mind. I wake up, you're on my mind. I drank the elixir just to get you fuck out of my mind, my situation got worse!" He removed his hand from my chin and rubbed his temples in frustration. Then he pulled his hands away from his face and looked back at me. Mint green eyes were wide, with horror and...lust?"You're like a parasite, Rosa." he whispered. "A parasite inside my mind. A parasite that haunts me, invading my thoughts, making me give up. It's just... a parasite that makes me think about what I'm going to do to you if i stay with you all alone."I couldn't help the heat radiating through my body. I didn't raise my voice either. I just kept listening to him. "Do you know how many times I thought of you in those three days?" he whispered. "I stopped counting, Rosa. No girl has been in this bed in these three days. You think I haven't tried? I tried. I tried! Damn it, I tried but it didn't work. My mind didn't shut up! That fucking parasite didn't go away!" he hissed desperately."Maybe everything would have been easier if you hadn't kidnapped me here in the first place!" I hissed. I should just go away. That is better for us. I should run away from him again. "I'm going to my room, do whatever you want!"When I turned to get out of bed, Saeran hissed and suddenly pulled me back from my arm, and then all I knew was that I was underneath him. My eyes were on his mint green eyes. He was looking down at me with such hatred..such rage..such..lust.."Do you think I'm happy with this situation?" he hissed. "I'm not. I hate it in fact. I hate this situation, I hate you!"Later, he laughed to himself sarcastically. "But, i hate myself most of all, for not killing you that day. For not being able to have the courage to do it." His hands were on either side of my head, and one knee was between my legs. I had no escape. This time I had no escape. This time they would even break the door, it was clear that Saeran won't gonna stop until he is done with me. The only thing I remember from physics is that the further you try to get away from something, the more you start spinning around it. Such was our situation. As we ran away from each other, we were drawn to each other again, like goddamn magnets."I told you three days ago that you should have let me jump from that cliff." I whispered.Saeran just smiled sarcastically. "You were already dead the day you met me, Rosa. It wouldn't have helped you if you jumped.""Then why are you keeping me here?""Because I have no other choice." he whispered and then he pressed his lips to mine harshly.
Imagine being dehydrated for hours in the middle of a desert. Imagine your lips are dry and chapped and you could kill for water. Then you find an oasis. And this is not a mirage. Definitely not a mirage. Real. Cool enough to quench the thirst of your lips, refreshing enough to quench your burning throat.
That's how kissing him could only be described by me.
It was definitely not romantic. Saeran wanted to be in control, and I loved to play. It was obvious that he would be the winner, but it was quite enjoyable to fight. While he was nibbling on my lower lip, I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, but without leaving my lips, he hissed and grabbed my wrists with one hand and pinned them to the top of my head. A trembling moan escaped my lips."Just so you know, i don't love you." he hissed after he pulled away for a moment, gasping for air, his forehead against mine. "I don't like anyone.""Fuck you then." i whispered while looking up to his mint green eyes with hunger. I was breathing heavily too."Now or later?" he smirked while whispering, his lips still closer to mine. Fucking asshole. I don't know if i want to kill him or kiss him.. But i will choose the second option for now.As he was still holding my wrists, I simply lifted my head and pressed my lips to his, and it was enough for him to growl and go back to kissing. His free fingers gently caressed my cheek and traced their way down my chin, landing on my neck, and when he suddenly grabbed my neck, a muffled moan rose from my throat.That was the oh-so-called spark that i have been looking for. How ironic that i feel it in a not romantic kiss, but a hatred filled one. But Saeran was burning me with his kisses and i was literally begging him to burn me more till my ashes left.
You may remember that I said Saeran would be my destruction. But actually I misunderstood everything. He could only be my salvation. And I was ready to burn in that fire forever.
As his lips move away from my lips and began to slowly trailing kisses to my chin and from there to my neck i closed my eyes and placed my fingers on his messy hair. I was pulling his hair every time he left a bite, he was growling in response and biting more harshly but not enough to draw blood of course.When he started to leaving traces of violet colored, as if emphasizing that I belong to him and him only; I whispered the answer he had been waiting for, impatiently, hungrily.
"Now."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 10: Tangled-
"The only real escape from hell is to conquer it."
◌
I had slept with my kidnapper.
I know it sounds like the title of a dark romance novel when I put it like that, but it really happened. If only you knew how it happened. I have never seen anything so full of hate and anger, but also full of lust and pleasure.Two days passed while I was thinking about how to hide the violet colored marks on my neck. I didn't mind the ones on my breasts and collarbones, they somehow disappeared when I put on a t-shirt, but the ones on my neck were a bit of a nuisance. Fortunately, my hair was up to my shoulders, I managed to cover some of it with my hair. After everything was over, we both just lay there staring at the ceiling and listening to our breathing. As two idiots who don't think about what they've just done, but what's next. Because we crossed a line that should not be crossed, and there was no turning back from here, there would be no way back. We couldn't run away from each other now, even if we wanted to.We still didn't know what was going on between us, we weren't two people head over heels in love with each other but we weren't two strangers using each other's bodies just for pleasure, either. But I can't remember ever feeling this way in my life. Or that I can have such pleasure. With every kiss, every thrust of Saeran's, I crossed a new limit that my body had never reached before.And now I was in my room with unbelievable cramping pains. Saeran hadn't called me to work again, probably because his mind was full of thoughts like mine, but this time I was grateful. I couldn't deal with his taunts while dealing with menstrual pain. I needed a hot-water bottle, actually if I talked to Rika she would find me but I couldn't even get out of bed. I was just curled up on the bed in my pajamas. Since my pain started after breakfast, I did not have the chance to ask for painkillers from the believer who came to my room to get the tray. I didn't think he would pick up the phone if I called Saeran. He usually wouldn't answer my calls anyway. It was as if, according to him, the only function of this phone was to call me and give me directions when I got lost in the building.I was about to cry from pain and anger. Then my door was knocked. I didn't even bother to call out. My back was to the door, and if I didn't answer they would have left anyway. But it wasn't what I expected, my door opened slowly and the sound of those combat boots I knew from everywhere echoed in my room. The door closed slowly and silence reigned in my room again."Today my tolerance level is pretty low, let me tell you before you rant." I snapped without looking back at him. He didn't say anything, but I heard his steps come towards my bed. He approached my bed cautiously, and I could hear the hesitancy in his footsteps."Are you alright?" he finally asked, his voice a bit calmer than usual. Huh, weird. "You look like you are going to die." "I'm in pain, if that's what you're asking," I retorted, still refusing to turn and face him. The cramps were relentless, making it hard to focus on anything else."I can see it, i am not an idiot like you." he grumbled as he sat down on my bed, i felt his weight without turning to look at him.For a moment, silence enveloped the room again. I sensed that Saeran was struggling to find the right words. "So what is it? Are you sick?" he murmured."Cramps." i muttered under my breath weakly. He hummed as if to show he understood.Saeran seemed to pause for a moment, as if contemplating what to do next. Unexpectedly, he got up from the bed and left the room without a word. I didn't know what to make of his sudden departure, but the silence that followed allowed me to focus on my pain again.A few minutes later, he returned with a small bag in his hand. He pulled out a bottle of painkillers and handed it to me. "Take these," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "They should help with the cramps."
Saeran Choi, my kidnapper, the cruel dark man, offering me painkillers?
I hesitated for a moment, still wary of his intentions, but the pain was becoming unbearable, so I took the pills gratefully. "Thanks," I muttered."Also i brought this too." i felt the warmth of a hot-water bottle against my back. I turned my body a little bit to take the bottle. It was covered with a soft, knitted sleeve, i traced my fingers on the soft pattern. "I asked some of the girl believers and they gave me this. They said that it would help, somehow, i don't know."I put the bottle on my stomach, letting out a sigh filled with relaxation. "Again, thank you." i murmured, my voice is full of gratitude. Saeran shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "Don't mention it," he replied, avoiding eye contact.As the painkillers began to take effect, I felt some relief, and my tense muscles started to relax. I glanced at Saeran, trying to read his expression, but he was as unreadable as ever. It was as if he had a thousand thoughts running through his mind, yet he didn't utter a word.Eventually, curiosity got the better of me. "Why did you come here?" I asked cautiously.He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His frosted pink tips glowed faintly from the sunlight hitting the window. "I don't know," he admitted. "The control room was..too quiet." then he sighed. "I just..wanted to check on you, okay?" It wasn't that he cared, but he spoke as if he was angry at the thoughts in his head.His response surprised me. It was the last thing I expected from someone like him. "Well, thanks, I guess," I said, unsure of how to respond.Saeran grunted, seemingly uncomfortable with the situation. "Don't get any ideas," he said defensively. "I just thought it would be a pain if something happened to you while I'm stuck dealing with the aftermath.. Because..i am not a gentle person..and you know it now..well."I rolled my eyes, a mix of annoyance and amusement washing over me. "Wow, you really know how to make someone feel appreciated, Saeran Choi." I quipped.He shot me a sharp look with his mint green eyes, but there was a hint of a smile lurking at the corners of his lips. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," he mumbled, clearly not wanting to admit that he might actually care.As the pain continued to subside, I found myself feeling a bit more at ease around him. Maybe there was more to Saeran than I had initially thought, or maybe circumstances had forced us into this strange dynamic."I..should probably go back to the control room," Saeran said, breaking the silence."Sure," I replied, realizing that I didn't want him to leave just yet. "Thanks for checking on me."He nodded, standing up to leave. "Don't mention it," he repeated, his voice softer this time. With that, he walked towards the door."Wait," I called out, surprising myself with the urge to say something more. What the hell are you doing Rosa? Just let him go..Saeran turned to look at me, eyebrows raised in curiosity."I don't know what's going on between us," I admitted, "but I hope we can figure it out without all the cult stuff and the drama."A flicker of surprise crossed his face, and for a moment, I saw vulnerability in his tired eyes. "Yeah," he said quietly, "And your suggestion is?"I hesitated for a moment before replying, "I guess we can try to be less hostile towards each other. It's not like I enjoy having you around, but if we're going to coexist in this place, it might be easier if we're not constantly at each other's throats." And not fucking each other like enemies too of course but, i didn't say it out loud. "How about you sit down first?"Saeran seemed taken aback by my proposition, and for a moment, I thought he might refuse. But to my surprise, he nodded slowly and returned to the edge of the bed, sitting down cautiously. His posture remained tense, but there was a subtle shift in his demeanor, as if he was trying to keep an open mind. He was playing with the spikes on his wrist again. "I can try," he finally said, his voice lacking its usual sharp edge. "But don't expect me to be all friendly and warm suddenly. That's just not who I am."I smiled, appreciating his honesty. "I don't expect you to change overnight. Let's just... see how it goes, okay? Like.." i paused for a moment, then grinned suddenly. "I don't think you know anything about me, except we annoy each other and have sex like enemies." i chuckled. As the words left my mouth, I saw a flicker of surprise on Saeran's face, quickly replaced by his usual guarded expression. "I know enough," he replied, his voice neutral. "And besides, why should I care about your life story?"I shrugged, not wanting to push too much, but also not willing to back down. "Fair enough," I said. "Just thought it might help if we understood each other a bit more."He didn't respond, but I noticed that he didn't immediately shut down the idea either. It was a small step, but a step nonetheless. We fell into a comfortable silence, and I could feel the tension in the room easing slightly."The other day, when we stood over the cliff, you said you had dedicated your whole life to getting revenge on someone." I asked, turning my body to look at him. He was laying beside me on my bed now. "Who was that someone?" Saeran glanced at me, a hint of surprise in his eyes. "You're not afraid to ask personal questions, are you?" he retorted.I smirked. "If I'm going to try to get along with you, I might as well know what I'm dealing with."Saeran's eyes narrowed, but he didn't immediately shut me down. "It's..complicated.." he muttered, clearly uncomfortable with the topic."I can handle complicated," I replied, trying to convey a sense of understanding. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but if you ever feel like talking, I'm here."He scoffed, crossing his arms defensively. "You really think you can handle my messed-up life?" he asked, skepticism evident in his voice."I've been through my fair share of struggles," I said softly. "Maybe not as extreme as yours, but I know what it's like to carry pain and anger."Saeran glanced away, his guard still up, but I could sense a flicker of vulnerability. "You don't know anything about what I've been through," he muttered, his voice tinged with bitterness."I don't," I admitted, "but I'm willing to listen and try to understand. You don't have to face everything alone, Saeran."For a moment, he looked conflicted, torn between his usual stoic demeanor and the desire to let someone in. "It won't change anything," he said finally. "My past won't bring back what I lost."I reached out and placed a hand on his arm, a gesture of comfort and support. "No, it won't," I agreed. "But sometimes, sharing the burden with someone can help ease the weight a little."Saeran hesitated, his eyes locked with mine for a moment before he looked away. "I'm not used to trusting anyone," he admitted quietly. "People always disappoint me."I squeezed his arm gently. "Trust takes time," I said softly. "And I'm not asking you to trust me completely right away. Just know that I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to."He didn't say anything in response, but I could tell my words had struck a chord with him. We sat in silence for a while longer, the tension in the room slowly dissipating. It was a fragile moment, a tiny crack in the walls he had built around himself.After a moment of silence, he turned to look at me with his mint green eyes again. "Can i kiss you again?" he murmured. Then he quickly added with a stern voice. "And it won't fucking change anything, it will just be a meaningless crap. Okay?"I felt a mix of surprise and anticipation at his request, not expecting him to ask for another kiss. Part of me wanted to refuse, to remind him that we are ruining each other. But there was another part of me that was curious, drawn to the intensity and the unexpected vulnerability he was showing.I looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of hesitation or doubt, but all I saw was a raw desire tinged with a hint of desperation. It was as if he was seeking solace in the only way he knew how."Okay," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Just a kiss."Without another word, Saeran reached out, pulling me gently towards him until I was sitting on his lap, our bodies close together. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me even closer. His touch was rough, but there was a sense of urgency in his actions, as if he needed to feel something, anything, in that moment.I leaned in, meeting his lips with a gentle touch. It started slow, a tentative exploration, but as the seconds passed, the kiss deepened, becoming more intense. His lips moved with a mix of passion and restraint, as if he was trying to hold back his emotions.The taste of his lips was a mix of sweetness and bitterness, a reflection of the complex person he was. Our tongues danced in a sensual rhythm, our breaths mingling as the kiss grew deeper and more fervent. I could feel the heat between us, the way his body responded to mine, and for a brief moment, the world outside faded away, leaving just the two of us.His hands roamed over my back, pulling me even closer, as if he wanted to erase any distance between us. I let out a soft gasp, my body responding to his touch, and he grunted in response, the sound a mixture of desire and frustration. He pressed me to his lap, while biting my lower lip impatiently. While letting out groans, his hands roamed down to my hips, gripping on them, guiding them on his lap in a rhythm. We were both burning. As the kiss continued, I found myself losing track of time, lost in the moment and the overwhelming sensations coursing through me. It was a kiss filled with contradictions - passion and restraint, vulnerability and detachment - a reflection of the complicated relationship we had.Eventually, we broke apart, both of us slightly breathless. Saeran's eyes bore into mine, searching for something I couldn't quite decipher. It was as if he was trying to find answers in the depths of my gaze, but the truth was that I was just as lost as he was.He let out a low, almost guttural grunt, the sound a mix of frustration and confusion. Without a word, he gently pushed me off his lap and stood up, his eyes avoiding mine."Saeran," I called out softly, feeling a mixture of emotions swirling inside me.But he didn't respond, quickly making his way to the door and leaving the room without a backward glance. I was left sitting on the bed, trying to process the intensity of the moment and the conflicting emotions it had stirred within me.It was clear that there was so much more going on beneath the surface, so many unspoken words and unshared feelings. Our physical connection had been intense, but it had only scratched the surface of the tangled web between us.As I sat there, I couldn't help but wonder if our paths were destined to be forever intertwined, or if we were merely two lost souls seeking solace in each other's company. Only time would tell the true nature of our complicated relationship, and in the meantime, I could only brace myself for the unpredictable journey ahead.I layed back on my bed, letting out a long sigh. "What the hell i am going to do now?" i muttered to myself.Because at that moment, while we are kissing on my bed, my heart came back to life, albeit for a short time.
And that scared me to death.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 11: Burn-
"You have to die a few times before you can really live."
☄
Finally, my period pains were gone.
In the past 4 days, Saeran hasn't visited my room much. I didn't know if he was afraid of being alone in a bedroom with me again after our last conversation (actually, after our heated kiss) or if he was afraid of his feelings for me. I still don't know my feelings towards him either. The times he visited were usually around midnight anyway, and I was pretending to sleep then. Even though I was dying to speak, what was I going to say? We were just two broken souls that fate brought together at the wrong time, but that it really couldn't.During these four days, my hot water bag was also renewed with my breakfast. For some reason, as if they were guessing, a believer was coming and changing the water in the bag, which had cooled down, with hot water. The bottle of painkillers Saeran brought me was on the nightstand next to me. Even though I couldn't see Saeran, that bottle made me feel his presence. I slept like a stupid young girl hugging that medicine bottle for those four days.Summer was over. Autumn was starting and temperatures were starting to drop slowly. I was in Mint Eye for about two and a half months. It's been two and a half months since Saeran Choi came into my life and turned me upside down.One evening, as the sun was about to set, I was lying on my side in my bed, watching the sunset. I remember the day Saeran and I went to the edge of the cliff to watch the sunset. Him saying "I won't let you fall unless you're a bird." to me.Maybe I was desperately trying to hold on to the memories inside me. In my mind, I was throwing myself off that cliff many times, in alternative scenarios. Scenarios where Saeran didn't hold me, didn't stop me from falling, didn't hold me tight in his arms. These scenarios were perhaps the things that should have happened, were things that needed to be brought to life. I have asked myself many times "Why didn't he let me fall?" but as a result I couldn't find an answer.I wasn't in love with him, and he wasn't in love with me either. People like us couldn't fall in love. But I desperately missed him. My body missed it. I decided to change my clothes and go to Saeran's room. It couldn't last like this, after all. I got up from my bed and walked to the closet.Before I could decide what to wear, there was a knock on my door. I felt my heart suddenly jump.
He is here.
"Saeran." I muttered, running to the door with a small smile on my lips.However, there was a believer at the door. A believer in his gold-embroidered navy blue robe, bowing before me as usual. Yet I did not lose hope. "Saeran's calling me, isn't he? I was on my way to the control room anyway." I muttered, struggling to keep my smile from fading."Um...no, Miss Rosa. Actually, Savior has summoned you to the throne room. Mr. Choi is there too." he muttered as he lifted his head. I was also surprised to see some confusion on his face, along with the usual blank expression of all believers. Sometimes I forgot that they were actually human, just disciples.
Why would Rika call me to the throne room?
Normally, she would invite me to her room to drink tea and chat the most, like we always do. Saeran being there, Rika calling me to the throne room...a chill, a bad feeling came over me, but I tried to calm myself.I hang behind the believer who was waiting for me and we started walking down the long corridors of Mint Eye together.The believer beside me was silent, his blank expression giving away nothing. I knew he was just a disciple, following orders without question, but there was something human in his confusion earlier. It reminded me that even within Mint Eye, there were individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. Like Saeran. Like me.
Drowning in thoughts and feelings that luring us to each other in an inevitable way.
As we reached the throne room, I took a deep breath and pushed the heavy door open. Inside, the room was adorned with opulent decorations and symbols of Mint Eye's beliefs. Rika sat on the ornate throne, her serene presence commanding attention. And there, standing beside her, was Saeran, his mint green eyes locking with mine for a moment. He averted his gaze immediately. II averted my eyes too when I thought about our kiss in my room.Rika smiled from her seat. "Thanks for joining us, Rosa. I heard you haven't been feeling well for a few days. We haven't had a chance to spend time together either. I hope you're okay now." There was an expression in her emerald eyes that I did not understand, but I responded with a smile anyway. "The classic problem of us women, you know, period cramps. I'm fine now though. Thank you." I forced a smile to my face as I laughed. Saeran wasn't even looking at me. His face was tense, he was staring at his feet while fidgeting his fingers. What was going on?As I stood in the throne room, the tension in the air was palpable. Something was off, and I couldn't shake the feeling that this meeting held significance beyond the usual tea sessions with Rika. Saeran's distant behavior only added to my unease. I mean, he is usually distant but even this much distance is weird. Rika's smile remained serene, but her gaze was penetrating, as if trying to read my thoughts. "I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, Rosa," she said softly, "but there's something important I need to discuss with you. Since you belong to Saeran in a way as his assistant, that's why he's here."
Look at me.
Look at me.
My head was screaming to him, trying to send messages with telepathy like it was possible, but mint green eyes were distant. Rika took a deep breath, murmured slowly. "Your purification ceremony." Purification? Then I remembered Saeran mentioning that word. Lying on that black sofa with a headache from drinking the elixir. The day we first..
But he didn't avert his eyes off me that day.
"It's been two months since you joined our paradise, dear Rosa." Rika opened her arms and smiled. "I've given you a two-month acclimation period. Now the ceremony needs to be done. You need to be cleansed." I noticed Saeran clenching his fists. He still wasn't looking into my eyes. "Um..exactly…what kind of purification ceremony are we talking about?" I muttered, turning my eyes to Rika.She snapped her hand and summoned one of the believers standing by the door. The Believer walked, hande a glass bottle to Rika, and then stooped back. Same bottle. The elixir I saw in Saeran's control room that gave him headaches, the elixir he took to strengthen his mind. But the bottle I saw that day was empty, it was not containing a bright mint green liquid like this one. Same color as Saeran's eyes.As Rika held the bottle in her hands, her emerald eyes bore into mine. "This elixir is a sacred concoction, a crucial part of the purification ceremony. It will cleanse your mind and soul, aligning you with our beliefs and freeing you from any lingering doubts or attachments to the outside world," she explained, her voice serene yet authoritative.I couldn't help but glance at Saeran, seeking some form of reassurance or understanding from him, but he continued to avoid eye contact, his tension evident. It was as if he was struggling with an internal conflict, torn between his loyalty to Rika and his own feelings, whatever they might be.As Rika held up the glass bottle, I couldn't help but feel a shiver run down my spine. The memories of that day with Saeran flooded back, the secrecy, the connection we shared. But now everything seemed to belong to the distant past."During the purification ceremony, you will drink this elixir," Rika explained calmly, her eyes never leaving mine.
Look at me..
Saeran finally looked up at me, his mint green eyes locking onto mine. There was a mixture of emotions in his gaze - concern, fear, and something else that I couldn't quite decipher. This time there was no hatred in his eyes. No anger."It may give you a bit of a headache, but how can you achieve success without suffering?" Rika smiled as her emerald eyes darkened.I wanted to be able to say that it wasn't just a simple headache that Saeran suffered that day. I waited for Saeran to speak for himself. He didn't. He just kept looking away from me, clenching his fists and staring at the ground. Was Rika's influence on him that much? "I don't..have a choice again i guess." i murmured while sighing.She smiled. "Actually, it was already decided when you accepted my invite to the Paradise."I looked around. "Is..is it going to happen right now?"Rika chuckled. "No, dear Rosa. The purification ceremony is not something to be rushed into. It will take place in two days, at night. Preparations will be made for you to join us."
I was a little relieved. Two days huh?
"Um... is that all?" I muttered under my breath.Rika simply nodded."That's it. You can go now."As I left the throne room, Saeran followed me silently, and we made our way to the control room. The tension between us was still palpable, and I could tell that he was struggling with his emotions. But i was so angry. So angry at him. Once inside the control room, Saeran closed the door behind us, and we were finally alone. The dim lights of the room cast shadows on his face, emphasizing the turmoil within him. I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts."Are you okay?" he muttered with a blank voice."Are you okay?? Are you okay?!" i snapped, turning to look up to him. "Are you talking to me now?! Because I thought you swallowed your tongue or something while we were there!"Saeran crossed his arms as he squinted his eyes. "What did you fucking expect me to do? Go against the Savior?""I would expect you not to ignore me for four days, for example!" I took a step towards him and hissed. "Or talk to about this purification thing!""There are things I can and cannot tell you, Rosa. Don't fucking annoy me, or I'll annoy you too." his voice was stern.I gave a mocking laugh. "Like what did you tell me before!?" I angrily pushed him off his chest. "What did you tell me?! Nothing!" He didn't answer. This made me even more angry. "You are a coward." i scoffed. "You're a fucking coward that hiding behind your walls!"Saeran narrowed his eyes. "Watch your mouth, Rosa or I'll fucking make you regret being born.""You know how to fuck me but why would you rather run away than answer my questions?!" I shouted. "I'm not the type to force you into a relationship or anything! For the sake of what we've been through, why didn't you take down those fucking walls!? Who is the person you're plotting revenge for? Why did you lured that girl in that apartment? What were those chat screens?!""What good will it do if I tell you?!" he scoffed. "Will you shut the hell up if I tell you? Are you going to get the fuck out of my mind if i tell you!?"He started walking towards me. I took a step back as I was taken aback by his sudden outburst. "Get the fuck out of my mind, Rosa." he desperately murmured. "Get out of my mind. Because of you I..I..can't focus..on anything.."As i continue to step backwards. "Liar." I hissed. "You would have talked to me in these four days if you had me on your mind." then my back hit the console table. Months later we were in the same place again. Where we first got close.Saeran hissed under his breath as he suddenly grabbed my arms in a tight grasp. "Idiot." he scoffed. "I didn't talk to you because I couldn't get you out of my mind. Because if I did.." he leaned down to my lips. "...this would happen." he hissed with a low voice, like a purr, then he pressed his lips to mine aggressively.
Why was it always him?
As Saeran's lips met mine, the world around us faded into obscurity, and all that mattered was the intoxicating presence of each other. The intensity of his kiss deepened, and I felt a soft moan escape my lips, inviting him to explore further. He responded with a low growl, the sound vibrating through my body, fueling the fire that blazed between us.His hands traced a path of fire down my body, mapping every curve and dip with a reverence that made my skin tingle with anticipation. I felt a shiver of excitement as he cupped my face, his thumb brushing gently against my cheek, conveying a depth of emotion that words could never express.With a fierce determination, he pulled me closer, pressing our bodies together, and I could feel the heat radiating between us. The sensation of his hard chest against my soft breasts made my heart race, and I arched into him, seeking more of his touch, more of his overwhelming presence.He pulled away for a moment, we were both gasping for air. I looked upto his mint green eyes, they were literally burning. They were holding a hell inside of them. No, Saeran was the hell itself.
The child who was born in hell, who lived in hell, became hell itself when he grew up.
Without taking his eyes off mine, "Do you remember?" he muttered, with a stern voice. "I told you I was the only one who could hurt you, make you cry, or even kill you." I could only nod, still trying to regulate my breathing from the effect of the kiss."Now I'm adding a new one to these." he continued. "From the moment you meet me, I'm the only one who will make you shiver, gasp, make you beg for more." His voice had turned to a whisper. "Whose name will fall desperately from your lips while you are screaming with pleasure? Answer me." "Yours." i muttered while my lips are trailed for air, my gaze locked on his. "I still can't hear my name from those fucking lips of yours." Suddenly his hand slipped under my skirt, cupping my panties. I let out a trembling moan. "If you don't say it, i won't give it to you. And you know how cruel i am Rosa." "S-saeran.." i whispered desperately, my hands gripping onto the side of the console table. He slowly traced his thumb on my panties up and down. Then he pressed his thumb to my most sensitive spot, making me letting out a trembling moan. "Louder." he demanded. Oh my God.. "H-hahh-Saeran!" i moaned louder this time, trembling with need. He smirked. "Look, it is easy, right? Just keep making those sounds for me, princess." He murmured, while tracing his thumb on my damp spot, moving slowly in a circular motion. I was a mess. A fucking mess. I may be strong, but i was a damn mess in his hands. A doll under his thumb. And the weird thing is, I was pretty happy with it. Saeran was what I was looking for. The only perfect thing in imperfection. The man who drowned me in the mint green ocean, making me beg to stay at the bottom. Brutal, criminal, murderous, insane, a man with many people in his mind.
To him, I was a parasite invading his mind. And he was my hell. But neither would he get me out of his mind, nor would I avoid being burned.
"I may be hell itself, but I will burn you with me." he muttered, looking into my eyes."Don't you think we're already burned out?" I whispered back to him. "Even my ashes caught fire."With a low growl, he lifted me slightly, placing me onto the console, next to his keyboard, in a way that allowed him better access to my body. I was completely under his control, and yet, I had never felt more liberated, more alive. In his embrace, I found the freedom to be vulnerable, to let go of all inhibitions and embrace the rawness of desire. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me. Just my gesture caused a lascivious snarl to rise from his throat.
It didn't make sense for us to need each other like that when we couldn't even stand each other. What makes sense in life anyway?
This time I was the one who kept the fire going. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. Even though he was always in control, I felt his whole body tremble. At that moment, I realized that I had already become the one and only weakness of the brutal, reckless, ruthless Saeran Choi.First my breath mixed to his breath, then my lips to his lips; then the flames began to move slowly over my veins. I kissed him so slowly that there was bitter reproach in his moan that rose from the back of his throat. His hand slid down my neck and grabbed my hair, and he started kissing me deeply, aggressively, unlike me. As I rested one hand on his chest to keep my balance between the console table and him while sitting on the console table, I noticed his stiffening under my fingers. All the pain, hatred and anger were on their lips, they were telling my lips what they felt. When his tongue slipped between my lips and touched my tongue, I realized that I was moaning when my own voice reached my ears. With a hard breath he took through his nose, he pulled my tongue into his own mouth and captured it.I realized once again that he had the power to disperse me even with just his touches, when he ended the kiss that he started by taking my upper lip between his lips and biting my lower lip with his teeth.When I separated my lips from his, he gave a grunt of complaint, but when I started to place kisses on his chin and neck, the complaint was replaced by need. I placed a kiss on the spot where his carotid was, I saw how his adams apple moved as he swallowed with a trembling growl. I could feel his pulse on the tip of my lips and it was amazing.He pulled me closer to his side as he wrapped his arms around my waist as I pressed my lips to the middle of his collarbone at the end of his neck. "Rosa.." he grunted with need. "Fuck..go down." I impatiently lifted it up as my fingers found the hem of his shirt. Without protest, he raised his arms and my lips found his skin again as his shirt was pulled out of my way. I felt dizzy and hot. I didn't know if my hands were shaking from need or hunger for him. I pressed my lips against the contracting breathing space between his two bones as I slowly started to move over his skin, and as he swallowed hard, the adams apple slid under his skin.As I descended from his neck to his collarbones, then to his chest, he took a step back as if to let me get up from the console table. I slowly bent my knees and knelt in front of him and my fingers found the belt of his black jeans.My eyes found his mint green eyes as his fingers slid down my face and lifted my chin slightly. He was burning, he was blazing. Actually, I was not much different from him either."I guess it's my turn to burn this time, what do you say?" he muttered, grabbing my chin with his index finger and thumb. I gulped, seeing myself in the hell he harbored in his eyes."I agree with you." I replied simply. I unbuckled his belt and slowly lowered his jeans and boxers, then stared at him again. It wasn't the first time we'd seen each other naked after all, but still, I waited for his approval. Without saying anything. Without a word."Burn me Rosa." he muttered, as if his breath was cut off by the sensation. "Let them not even find my ashes.""Don't worry." I pressed my lips to his manhood. A snarl of pleasure rose from his throat. "If our ashes get mixed up, no one will find us anyway."His hand holding my chin slipped into my hair, and his fingers gripped my hair and pressed my head. "Then mix into my ashes." he groaned. "Into my ashes, my blood, my soul. Mix into me, Rosa. Run through my veins."Instead of answering, I closed my eyes and continued, while he is groaning and pressing my head more. I didn't even need to answer. He didn't even need to hear my answer too.
I was already mingled into Saeran already.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 12: Memories-
"Sometimes we don't want to heal because the pain is the last link to what we've lost."
◎
It was probably past midnight when i woke up.
When it rains heavily, it leaves behind an earthy scent before it leaves. Whenever a nightmare passed through my mind, the memories spread to me, to my mind, just as the suffocating smell of the soil that sends the rain away. Despite all this, I loved the smell of earth after the rain. What I didn't like was the cold.
Snow.
Because when it snowed, silence would prevail. The snow would even destroy your footsteps. As if it never existed. But it destroyed my heart too years ago.Saeran's room was dark. There was such a storm outside that I felt as if I was hearing the anger of God. For a while I just lay face down in silk black sheets. Then I lifted my head, and when I glanced around the room, I realized that I was alone. My eyebrows suddenly furrowed. The room was quiet, as if to accommodate this anger. I got up from the bed, reaching for my black shirt on the floor. I had no intention of looking for my bra or skirt, I couldn't even remember where I took them off in that chaos. I pull the shirt over my head and pull it down as I get out of bed and walk to the door of the room. I was only wearing my underwear under my shirt.I wanted the steps that took me to the control room to take me to him this time. This time, I wanted to see him, not a Saeran who had pulled up his walls and glared at me with hatred.When I made my way through the dark to the control room, he was just standing there, leaning against the console table. The computer screens were off for the first time, and it surprised me. Evidently his thoughts were as deep as mine, and he could not bear even the slightest bit of light. He looked at me as he took a long drag of his cigarette. It was like he was waiting for me to come. I didn't say anything, even though I felt our eyes meet in the dark."Monsters." he muttered after a while. "When they're little, kids say they see monsters. Parents try to teach kids that monsters aren't real, they're just dreams. Kids want to believe that too." He tapped his cigarette lightly into the ashtray and spilled the ashes from the end. "Until they grow up to become it, and when they look in the mirror they see the most real monster."As he pressed his cigarette into the ashtray, the faint orange fire at its tip also died. Slowly but calmly, I walked towards him with my bare feet."When I look at you, I don't see a monster. I never did."
I actually saw the devil. But I didn't say that, of course.
Hearing the sarcastic laugh rising from his throat, I felt the mocking smirk forming on his lips, though I couldn't see it in the dark."Have you ever thought, Rosa?" he muttered as he approached me. "What happened, how did it all get to this point, what brought everything to this point, why did I ruin your whole life?" He stopped when he was right in front of me, his mint green eyes fixed on me. "Why am I ruined too?"There are some moments, all the sentences stick to your tongue, but they never come out of your lips. I was at such a moment."Have you ever thought, why am I so attached to this goddamn little girl who ruined my plan?"It was clear from the tone of his voice that what he meant when he said 'attached', was not a romantic confession of love. Saeran was at war with himself. With the people on your mind. With the teachings he believed in. It was clear that he was not at all satisfied with this obsession."You know, I ask myself the same question as yours at least 10 times a day." I muttered. "Of course, the main character in mine isn't the goddamn little girl who ruined the plans, it's the guy who kidnapped me and who is hell itself.""Did you find any answer yet?" He obviously loved to ask questions he already knew the answer."I think if I found it, I would stop asking myself the same question 10 times a day." my voice was just above a whisper as I replied.I didn't need to ask him. He was already in a labyrinth, desperately looking for a way out. And it was certain that he had no luck. Maybe we were bringing our own demise. "Rosa." he sighed in a defeated voice. "I'm such a bad person that I want to make your life hell with me by keeping you by my side forever."
The idea of eternity with him wasn't bad at all, actually.
“I want to hurt you, break you, shatter you over and over. I want to take everything you have in your hand just so you can take shelter in me at the end of the day."There was not the slightest hesitation in his voice. He would. I knew he would do everything he said without blinking an eye. And as he said, I would always take refuge in him."You've said that before." I muttered as I rolled up my sleeve. "I'm not going anywhere either, like I said before.""But now I'm stuck in the middle, as if everything was alright." He sighed heavily, as if drowning in his thoughts. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." He rubbed his temples with his fingers with another sigh."What do you mean Saera-""I don't want you to take the Elixir." he whispered quickly, closing his eyes tightly. It was as if he was afraid that someone would hear him. "I don't want to. I don't want you to attend that ceremony." He sighed again, clasping his hands over his face, "But I must want it because I'm loyal to Mint Eye, right?Because i'm loyal to Savior.""Not that I want the ceremony or anything, but why don't you want it?" When I placed my hands on his chest, I realized that he was not wearing his shirt. His muscles tensed under my fingers, he let out a shaky breath. "You told me, 'If you find anything that's left of me, tell me we'll destroy it together', do you remember it? " he muttered, opening his eyes and locked with mine. "I must be the one to destroy it, not them. Not the Savior. But if you take the elixir, there will be nothing left of you for me to destroy.""Well, didn't you say that when you drink it, it makes you stronger?" I tilted my head again."Such audacity.." he hissed under his breath. "I'm the only one who can hurt you. That right only belongs to me. And not in the form of stupid love." he murmured sarcastically. "Fucking fate did the right thing for the first time in my life. I won't let anyone take you away from me. Not even the Savior herself."This time I couldn't find an answer to give. I was already aware that Saeran didn't know how to love or fall in love. I didn't expect romance from him anyway.Still, he didn't resist when I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed a kiss on his cheek. I didn't resist when he grabbed my hips and wrapped me in his arms. Nor did I resist when he carried me back to his room, to his bed, as if I were light as a feather. I had already stopped resisting the first time I saw him. So I obediently raise my arms as his fingers reach for the hem of my shirt and lift it up impatiently. He could have me as much as he wanted, because I already belonged to him. We were lying in his bed with my head on Saeran's bare chest, his red sleeveless shirt on me. He was lazily playing with my hair and his voice was calm for the first time in a long time. "It's going to be cold soon." I made an uneasy noise and snuggled closer to him. "Honestly, i don't like the cold.""I'm not very good with the cold either." he muttered, his fingers gently twirling a lock of my hair. "But I like to eat ice cream.""But you don't have a favorite variety." I added while smiling lazily."Exactly." he muttered, a childish teasing in his voice.I closed my eyes and decided to enjoy this moment a little while he was playing with my hair. Moments like this were rare for me. It was probably rare for him as well. While we couldn't stand each other, we suddenly held on to each other desperately. I didn't know where this was going to end, but I had no intention of staying away from him anymore. Saeran's tired murmur broke the silence as the sound of rain pouring into the night outside filled the room. "My..twin..." "What?" I raised my head from his chest and looked at him. His mint green eyes were tiredly looking at mine. "The person I've dedicated my life to getting revenge on him is my twin." This time his voice was louder, more angry."Why would anyone want to take revenge on their own twin?" I muttered. "I don't even have a family, you have a twin.""If that twin is a traitor, why not?" A sarcastic but at the same time sad smile appeared on his lips. "If that twin turns your life into horror, throws you into hell, why not?"I slowly rose from Saeran's chest and stood on my elbows, and I lay beside him, placing my chin under my hands. "I'll listen to you if you pour your heart out to me." I whispered. "Even if you don't tell me anything, I'll stay with you. I won't leave you, Saeran. I never will." When did I become so attached to this mint green eyed boy?Ah. I finally understand..
The first time he lowered his walls in front of me. That first moment when he presented his soul to me naked before his body. The first time his pupils trembled while looking at me. Just like right now.
Afterwards, though, he averted his eyes from me, shaking his head. "That traitor always said that too. That he would never leave me, that we would escape from that hell together. He planted seeds of hope in my soul and I always believed him like a fool. Why? Because he was my twin." Disgusted by his own words that spilled from his lips, he reached for the pack of cigarettes on his nightstand. Just as he was about to light his cigarette, I grabbed his hand and stopped him. "Wait." Mint green eyes looked at me questioningly."I've never smoked before." I muttered. "But I want to create a memory about it with you." I smiled while reaching for the lighter in his hand. He was watching me with curious eyes. I lit the cigarette between his lips slowly. He took a long drag and closed his eyes as he blew. "I'm not very good at creating memories." he muttered.“Then…” I reached for my phone and checked the time. We still had a few more hours until morning. "We're going to start creating memories tonight." He raised his eyebrows in a mischievous expression as he tilted his head to the side. "Looks like a wasted effort but start talking, little troublemaker."I looked around the room. I didn't want to go out. We'd have to find something inside. Then I got out of bed smiling to myself. I held out my hand to him and said, "Come!" I chuckled.With a playful glint in my eye, I tugged him out of the bed and led him to the center of the room. The soft glow of the moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle ambiance. "Let's dance," I suggested, a smile playing on my lips.Saeran's eyebrows quirked, his curiosity evident. "Dance? You're full of surprises," he remarked, his tone a mixture of skepticism and intrigue.I shrugged, still smiling. "Why not? It's a memory we can create right now." I extended my hand toward him, waiting for him to take it.After a moment's hesitation, he reached out and placed his hand in mine, a tentative smile forming on his lips. As our fingers intertwined, I pulled him closer, positioning his other hand on my waist. With a gentle sway, we began to move to the rhythm of a melody only we could hear.His steps were hesitant at first, but gradually, he started to relax into the dance. I could feel the tension melting away from his frame as we swayed together. We didn't speak; words weren't necessary. The soft music of the night and the quiet intimacy of the moment spoke volumes.Saeran's mint green eyes met mine, a mixture of vulnerability and something I couldn't quite place glistening within them. As we continued to dance, he guided me with a newfound confidence, our movements becoming synchronized and fluid.The room seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of us lost in the simple joy of the present. The dance became a language of its own, a way for us to express feelings that words struggled to capture. As the song came to an end, we gradually slowed our steps, our breathing slightly faster from the shared activity. Saeran's grip on me remained firm, as if he didn't want to let go of this moment just yet."That wasn't so bad," he admitted with a faint smile, his thumb caressing my waist absentmindedly.I chuckled softly. "Told you." Then, I reached up and gently placed my hand against his cheek. "See? Memories can be made in the simplest of ways."He leaned into the touch, his eyes closing briefly before reopening to meet mine. "You're different," he murmured, almost to himself.I grinned. "Different how?"A playful glint returned to his eyes. "You're making a mess of my plans to stay distant and aloof."I laughed, a light and genuine sound. "Well, I'm glad to be of assistance in disrupting your plans. The first time we met was when I ruined your plan, remember?" With a quick, teasing peck on his cheek, I stepped away, my fingers still brushing against his.As I stepped away from him, a mischievous glint danced in his mint green eyes. Without a word, he closed the distance between us, his movements fluid and purposeful. His hand slid around my waist, pulling me back towards him, and with a surprising yet breathtaking force, he pressed me against the wall.The sudden intensity of his action sent a jolt of surprise through me, and for a moment, I found myself breathless. The moonlight continued to filter through the curtains, casting a silvery glow over his features. His expression was a complex mixture of desire, vulnerability, and the remnants of his old walls that were slowly crumbling.My back pressed against the cool wall, our bodies mere inches apart, I could feel the heat emanating from him. His eyes bore into mine with a hunger that seemed to mirror my own. His breath was warm against my skin, his proximity sending shivers down my spine."Why?" he asked, his voice a husky whisper, his thumb tracing small circles on my hip.I swallowed, feeling the tension between us like a live wire. "Why what?" I managed to reply, my voice just as hushed."Why did you come into my life, disrupting everything I thought I knew?" His gaze intensified, the vulnerability giving way to a rawness that left me almost breathless.A small smile played on my lips, despite the intensity of the moment. "Maybe fate had other plans for us."His lips quirked into a half-smile. "Fate, huh?" His free hand reached up, fingers gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. His touch was surprisingly gentle, a stark contrast to the fierce energy that surrounded us.I tilted my head slightly, my heart pounding in my chest. "Or maybe we were just tired of dancing around each other."His lips hovered dangerously close to mine, the electricity of our proximity making it almost unbearable. "You have no idea how much restraint it took not to kiss you the first time we met."I chuckled softly, the tension between us slowly giving way to a more playful energy. "Well, you've got the chance now. No one's stopping you."His gaze darkened, his lips crashing onto mine in a kiss that was everything at once—impassioned, intense, and full of a longing that seemed to have been building between us since that first meeting. His hand on my waist tightened as his lips moved against mine, a mixture of desire and frustration driving the kiss.Time seemed to lose all meaning as the kiss deepened, the world outside fading away until there was nothing but the two of us, consumed by a fire that had been ignited by shared memories and unspoken emotions. The taste of his lips was a heady mix of bittersweetness and promise, and every second felt like an eternity.As our lips parted, the intensity of the moment still hung in the air, a silent acknowledgment of the shift that had just occurred between us. His mint green eyes bore into mine, a mixture of wariness and something deeper that I couldn't quite decipher."I'll handle Savior tomorrow," he muttered, his voice heavy with the weight of his emotions, though he tried to maintain his tough facade.I held his gaze, a mixture of curiosity and concern gnawing at me. "Handle her about what?" He let out a heavy breath, his jaw clenched in a familiar display of his stubborn determination. "Postponing your damn purification ceremony. I won't let them drag you into that mess."
Saeran Choi, who had screamed in my face many times since the day he knew me, that he only wanted to hurt me, just said that he wanted to postpone my purification ceremony.
Forget wrecking down the walls, I finally managed to get behind his walls.
His words were sharp, his tone cutting through the air like a blade. He was a complex puzzle, a bundle of contradictions—cocky and tough on the surface, yet underneath it all, a storm of emotions raged.A sardonic smile tugged at the corner of my lips. "So, you're suddenly my knight in shining armor now?"He shot me a pointed look, his mint green eyes narrowing. "Don't get any funny ideas. I'm not doing this for you. It's just... strategic."I raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced by his tough act. "Strategic, huh?"His gaze flickered, his composure faltering for a moment before he regained his mask of indifference. "Yeah, strategic. Because you are my assistant."The vulnerability he had briefly shown tugged at something within me. It was as if his words held an unsaid truth—that beneath the layers of his facade, there was a part of him that genuinely cared. But he was not one to let his guard down easily.I stepped closer, our bodies still tingling from the intensity of our kiss. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know."His jaw tightened, his eyes darting away for a brief moment before meeting mine once more. "I'm not pretending anything."With a small sigh, I reached out, my fingers gently brushing against his cheek. His stubbled skin was rough beneath my touch, a tactile reminder of the complexity that was Saeran Choi."Saeran," I said softly, my voice holding a tenderness that I knew was unfamiliar to him. "You can drop the act. I see through it."He tensed under my touch, his guard momentarily slipping. "You think you know me, huh?"I leaned in, my lips brushing against his ear. "I want to."A mixture of annoyance and uncertainty flashed across his features, a battle between his tough exterior and the flicker of something deeper. "You're pushing your luck."I chuckled softly, my breath caressing his ear. "Maybe I like pushing your buttons."His hand slipped around my waist, pulling me closer in a swift, unexpected motion. His gaze bore into mine, his lips dangerously close to mine. "Careful what you wish for."I could feel his breath against my lips, his cocky facade cracking under the weight of the moment. As much as he tried to project an air of indifference, the vulnerability in his eyes was impossible to ignore. He was a whirlwind of contradictions, and I was more drawn to him than ever.Without warning, his lips crashed onto mine again, this time with a fierce hunger that left me breathless. The kiss was raw, unapologetically passionate, a reflection of the tumultuous emotions that roared within him.Pressed against the wall, our bodies molded together, I could feel his heartbeat racing against my chest. His grip on me was almost bruising, his hands seeking an anchor in the storm of emotions that raged between us.As our lips parted, I was left gasping for air, his intense gaze locking onto mine. "You asked for it," he muttered, a hint of a smirk tugging at his lips.My grin widened, a spark of challenge in my eyes. "Oh, I definitely did."His lips curved into a smirk, his fingers tracing a slow path along my waist. "You always did have a way of getting under my skin."I leaned in, our faces mere inches apart. "Is that a bad thing?"His eyes darkened, the cocky facade giving way to a raw intensity. "Depends on how you look at it."The air between us crackled with tension, a palpable energy that drew us closer. The walls he'd erected seemed to be crumbling, revealing a side of him that was as captivating as it was vulnerable.My fingers trailed up his chest, tracing the lines of his collarbone. "You know, tough guy, you can let your guard down once in a while."He tilted his head, a mix of curiosity and defiance in his gaze. "And why should I?"I let out a soft chuckle, the sound carrying a hint of playfulness. "Because behind that tough exterior, there's a part of you that wants to be understood, to be seen for who you truly are."His expression flickered, a brief vulnerability flashing across his features. "You act like you've got me all figured out."I shrugged, my fingers now threading through his hair. "I'm just good at reading people."He quirked an eyebrow, his lips dangerously close to mine. "Is that so?"I closed the remaining distance, my lips brushing against his in a feather-light touch. "Mmm-hmm."A low, almost guttural sound rumbled in his throat, his arms wrapping around me with a newfound urgency. "You're playing with fire."I chuckled against his lips, the mixture of danger and desire intoxicating. "Isn't fire what you're good at? I mean, you are the hell itself to me."His lips crashed onto mine, the kiss fierce and unrelenting. It was as if he was channeling all his pent-up emotions into that single act, a way of expressing what words couldn't convey.
Why we can't stop this kissing sessions? Not that i am complaining..
Pressed against him, my heart raced in time with his. Our breaths mingled, a shared rhythm that echoed the unspoken connection between us.When the kiss finally broke, his forehead rested against mine, his breaths ragged. "You're a handful one, Rosa."I grinned, my fingers tracing lazy patterns on his chest. "And you love it."He chuckled, a genuine sound that sent a shiver down my spine. "Maybe I do."The vulnerability he had revealed, the moments we had shared—they were all pieces of a puzzle that was coming together in the most unexpected way."I don't need a knight in shining armor, you know. " I whispered, my voice laced with a tenderness I hadn't anticipated.He tilted his head, his gaze softening in a way that made my heart skip a beat. "I know. Maybe I just want to be the guy who stands by your side."His words held a promise that resonated deep within me. We were far from perfect, both carrying scars and flaws, but in that moment, we were real.Then, suddenly, another important issue came to my mind. "Hey. Can I go out to the garden tomorrow?" "Garden?" It was clear that he was surprised by my question rather than the irrelevance of the subject. "Why would you ask permission for it? You are free to do what you want in here." I tilted my head again. "You know, I'm still a prisoner here, in a way." Saeran chuckled. "Wow. What a prisoner. The type who seduces her kidnapper."
Oh that sly fox!
I hit his arm playfully. "Hey! Don't get off topic!"Saeran grinned, his eyes glinting mischievously. "Alright, alright, I'll behave. But you have to admit, this is probably the most unconventional 'prisoner-captor' dynamic in history."I laughed, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But still, I wouldn't mind a little fresh air and sunshine."He raised an eyebrow playfully. "Are you sure you're not just planning your great escape?"I smirked. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know."We both chuckled, enjoying the banter. Saeran glanced at me with a softer expression in his mint green eyes. "You know, you're different from what I expected.""Oh really? And what were you expecting?" I asked, genuinely curious.He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I guess I thought you'd be more... resigned, defeated. But you're full of surprises, and you're not giving up."I shrugged, a small smile on my face. "Well, what's the point in surrendering to the circumstances? I'd rather make the most of it."Saeran's gaze lingered on me, his smile fading into something more contemplative. "You're stronger than you think. Not just anyone would stand up to someone like me."I felt a warmth spread through me at his words, a connection forming between us that I hadn't expected. "And not just anyone would keep me company and engage in these quirky conversations."He chuckled softly. "Touché."I chuckled too. "Hey, maybe we can get some ice cream too." then i looked up to him with curiosity. "Um, do they have ice cream in here?" Saeran smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Ice cream, huh? That's quite the luxurious request for a 'prisoner', little airhead."I playfully nudged him. "Well, you did say I'm not your average prisoner, right?"He chuckled, shaking his head. "Fair point. And to answer your question, yes, we do have some ice cream stashed away. Not the fanciest selection, but it's something.""Awesome! I'm holding you to that ice cream promise then," I said with a grin.He mockingly saluted. "Consider it done. Ice cream and garden time. You're really pushing the boundaries of this 'captivity'."I winked. "Gotta keep things interesting, you know?"Saeran's lips curved into a genuine smile. "You're definitely succeeding in that.""So.." I smiled while watching his divine features. Oh God.. I already fell for this boy and I can't even describe my feelings. "Why do you like ice cream so much?"His face turned more serious for a moment, his tough exterior flickering briefly. "When I was a kid.. my mother.. I mean our mother.." He trailed off, a hint of hardness in his eyes.I put my hand on his cheek. "Like I said, you don't have to tell me anything."He sighed, his tough façade returning as he leaned into my touch. "Nah, might as well spill it." His voice held a mix of determination and defiance.He continued, his gaze distant as he recounted the memories. "Our mother was… a real piece of work, abusive and drowning in alcohol. It was a hellish childhood. But one day, me and my twin brother, managed to slip away from the house. We raided the freezer for a popsicle, went to the backyard, and sprawled on the grass, staring at the damn blue sky. It was a rare moment of calm amidst the chaos."While he was speaking, that moment came to life in my mind. I closed my eyes.Everything was simpler for the children. Their only concern would be monsters that would haunt their nightmares. They would also find happiness in a piece of ice cream. I opened my eyes and looked at Saeran. Fate had stolen a lot from him. Wasn't it his right to rebel in this situation? His voice wavered slightly, a shadow of the pain in his mint green eyes. "That memory… I hold onto it, not for sentiment, but as a reminder of finding solace in a world gone mad."He looked at me, his expression hardening. "I've held a grudge against him for bailing on me, for leaving me in that living hell. But that memory, that link… it's a reminder that even in the mess, there were fleeting sparks of something better."I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Thanks for sharing."A ghost of a grin tugged at his lips. "Yeah, whatever. Just don't go getting all mushy on me.""Don't worry. I didn't even think about it." I started to yawn as I muttered. The tiredness was finally starting to show. "I'd better go back to my room, right?" I muttered.I stretched, feeling the exhaustion settling in. Saeran's gaze softened as he watched me yawn. "You're not going anywhere. Just stay here tonight."I hesitated, feeling a mix of surprise and warmth at his invitation. "Are you sure?"He grumbled, his tough exterior resurfacing. "Don't read too much into it. I'm not letting you sleep on the floor or something."I chuckled softly, appreciating the gesture. As we settled into his bed, he pulled me closer, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I looked up at him, my voice softening. "Saeran?"He let out a low, almost inaudible hiss, his grip on me tightening. It was as if he was trying to hold back his own vulnerability. I felt his breath against my hair as he held me even closer, his touch conveying a mixture of need and fear.I whispered, my words barely audible, "Thank you for letting me stay here."He didn't respond with words, but his embrace grew even more secure, and he held me as if he never wanted to let go. It was a silent admission of the connection between us, of the solace we found in each other's company.As I drifted off to sleep, his voice, raw and unfiltered, began to fill the room. "You ruined my mind, you know. Just being here, making me feel things I thought were long gone... it's infuriating."I shifted slightly, nestling closer to him. "Ruined, huh?"He sighed, his grip relaxing slightly. "Yeah, ruined. But maybe it's not the worst thing."In that moment, I could feel the weight of his past and the battles he'd fought within himself. I whispered, "We can rebuild something new together, Saeran."He didn't respond, but his embrace spoke volumes. As we lay there, the silence between us was comforting, filled with unspoken promises of understanding and support.
Neither of us knew that it was the last time I spent with Saeran Choi, who I knew and opened his heart to me.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 13: Photographer-
"Madness is the protest of sensitive people."
⬙
It was the first time I had such a comfortable sleep.
I didn't open my eyes for a while as I spun between the black silk sheets. Noticing the silence in the room, I got up from the bed and looked around while rubbing my eyes. I was alone in the bed and felt how big the bed felt without him. Saeran had probably woken up early and hadn't even opened the curtains, probably so as not to wake me up. I smiled to myself.When I think of last night, I felt happier every second. I wrecked down his walls. I succeeded finally. He had accepted me. My heart was beating with excitement. I can't remember ever being this attached to a man before. Saeran was one of a kind, unique. He was a sparkling diamond in the filth of this world. And we belonged to each other.I slowly got out of bed and walked to the window and slowly opened the curtains. Below in the garden, a believer was watering the rose bushes. Of course, I was going to meet Saeran in the garden today! He had promised me. Since the door connecting the bedroom and control room was closed, I gathered my clothes on the floor and made my way to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, dried my hair and got dressed. I happily opened the door. "Saera-"He wasn't here either. The computer screens were on, but Saeran was not here either. As I approached the computer desk, I noticed that he had left his bracelet of decorative thorns there, next to the keyboard. There was a note next to it. I smiled when I took the paper in my hand."Little troublemaker,
I'm going to talk to Savior about postponing your purification ceremony. Then I'll grab a few boxes of ice cream and come to the garden.
Don't think about running away. I will find you wherever you go. :)
-Unknown."
I took the bracelet and put it on my left wrist. I felt like a high school girl in love. I mean, we weren't one of those classic romantic couples. I didn't even think we were a couple yet, but after all, we were just two broken souls clinging to each other. No one could tear me away from Saeran anymore. We could get through his traumas together. Maybe fate is smiling on us this time, huh?I took my phone with me and walked out of the control room, closing the door behind me. The Mint Eye was the same as always, the believers walking silently past me in their dark blue robes, the faintly lit corridors, so no one bothered me. When I asked a few disciples I met how I could get out to the garden, they pointed the way to me without any problem.When I found the door to the garden, the two believers on guard opened the doors for me without a word again. I slowly made my way towards the garden, accustoming my eyes to the sunlight.
I'm not exaggerating, it was the most perfect garden I've ever seen in my life.
Rose bushes, lavenders, begonias, daffodils, bluebells, forget-me-nots, hydrangeas, primroses.. In short, this garden had whatever you were looking for. I've always had a fascination with flowers, so I've put a lot of effort into learning everything down to their meaning at the time. But what caught my attention was the lily of the valleys, which grows in a different corner.
Pure love, the return of happiness, undoubtedly become happy.
My favourite flower.
My eyes fell onto a believer watering a rose bush. "Excuse me, can I collect these lilies?" I called out. If Saeran was going to bring ice cream to our garden date, I could give him a bouquet of flowers, right? Should only women receive flowers? Men deserve nice flowers too. "Of course, Miss Rosa." The answer was short and concise, but sufficient for me. I knelt before the flowers and carefully gathered a bouquet. I smiled to myself as I looked at the bouquet in my hand. We would be happy. In spite of everything, despite every trouble and pain, we would be happy. I started walking in the garden with the flower bouquet in my hand. I was seeing a new flower bush or sapling with each step, and my eyes were almost dazzled. After walking for a while, I found a white bench. I took out my phone and texted Saeran."I'm by the white bench in the garden, facing the primroses. If you make me wait too long, I'll start making my grand escape plan." We both knew this wasn't a real threat, so I smiled to myself after sending the message.My heart was no longer beating with fear, but with excitement. After all the things we shared last night, my desire to see him grew even more. Saeran has became a lot to me since the day I met him. The boy on the train. Kidnapper. Enemy. Devil. Demon. Hell itself. Believer. Hacker. Boss. Partner in trouble. Friend. Source of my desires. The guy i slept with. The guy i fell for.As I was reviewing everything we've been through, I realized that everything I suffered was worth it. Saeran was worth it all."Oh, lily of the valleys. Really nice choice."I was so immersed in my own thoughts that I was startled by a male voice. When I turned my head in the direction of the sound, I came face to face with a tall young man with mint-blue hair that came down to his shoulders, wearing a dark blue believer robe. I had never seen this man before, but for some reason he brought trust to me, he had an innocent demeanor. He was a little taller than Saeran, but not in a threatening manner. He was not drugged like other believers. His eyes were mint green like Saeran's.Seeing that I was startled, he took a step back with a worried expression on his face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."I took a deep breath and smiled. "It's okay. When you're lost in your thoughts, you forget your surroundings." I muttered."I hope you're talking about good thoughts." He pointed to the empty spot next to me. "Can I sit?" I was surprised that a believer wanted to talk to me. But this man was somehow reassuring, so I nodded with a smile. "Of course, please."He sat next to me, it was weird that he didn't take his hood down. "I'm not judging but why are you acting like you're hiding from someone?" I muttered, looking around. There was no one in the distance except the believer watering the flowers.He sighed and looked at me. Looking closely, I sensed something strange in his eyes, but I didn't say it. "It's best that I stay out of sight. Rika-i mean Savior is a little angry with me. But you seem like a good lady so you'll keep my secret, right?"Technically, Rika was going to be mad at me too after Saeran talks about the postponement of the ceremony, so I smiled and made a zipping motion on my lips. This made her smile, and she offered me her hand in a friendly manner. "You must be Rosa." he muttered. "That special guest. Saeran's assistant.""I wouldn't say I qualify myself as a special guest, but it's true that I am Saeran's assistant." I shook the hand he extended to me. "And you?""Jihyun. But you can call me V in short, if you want." he smiled while shaking my hand."Nice to meet you." I smiled. Then I mumbled with a little low voice. "Well, to be honest... while it's good that everyone here knows my name, it does feel weird sometimes."V smiled friendly. "Because you're a first here. You're the only one who can be close to Saeran. So everyone is a little…surprised and curious."He looked at the bouquet of lily of the valley in my hand. "He sees you as his equal."
Equal.
If a normal person said that he saw me as an equal to himself, I could perceive it as an insult, because no one had the right to determine it anyway. But when it comes to Saeran, that meant a lot to me.I remember the day he first brought me here. He did not equate himself with these believers, he was superior, he claimed to be different from them. He really was, but there was anger and arrogance in the way he said it.But I understood him better now. He didn't mean superiority. What he meant was free will. Because the others were drugged. And today Saeran was trying to keep me from going down that path."I guess I should thank him. For bringing down his walls for me." I muttered, a small smile forming on my lips."Saeran was very young when we brought him here. He was just a little child. Rika and I had him under our protection." My eyes were on the primroses as V muttered calmly. "He had a difficult childhood. An alcoholic mother, a childhood full of traumas. Violence, starvation, insults.."I turned my eyes to V at what I heard. "What..?" I muttered.V sighed. "Did he tell you about his twin brother?"Thinking about what we talked about last night, I nodded. "Yeah, he did. I think he ran off with Saeran alone in that house, etc. Saeran is pretty angry with him, too. He's burning with vengeance."V raised his eyebrows in surprise. "How? Did he run away from home?"I nodded while sighing. "Yeah. I don't even have a family, but it must be a terrible thing for one's own twin to betray him."V sighed in disappointment as he brought his hands to his face. "Rosa no..that's not the real story. How could this happen..""Uh, what do you mean? Saeran didn't lie to me. I know him, why would he lie to me?" I looked at him as I tilted my head.Shaking his head, he sighed. "No, Saeran didn't lie to you. But that's not the truth of the story. Something…wrong…it shouldn't have happened.""V..I wonder if you could be a little clearer because I'm starting to get a little confused." I muttered with a bored tone. Saeran may have been tough, but he would never lie to me. He never did. I was one hundred percent sure that he wasn't lying, especially when he decided to pour his heart out to me.He looked at me with a sad expression in his eyes. "Saeran and Saeyoung..are twins. They had a traumatic childhood at the hands of an alcoholic mother. Their mother was mentally unstable, their father was not with them as they were illegitimate children, because their father already had another family, his wife and children."I listened carefully as i squeezed the bouquet in my hand. Without even interfering."Saeyoung and I met at the church. At that time, Rika was taking care of the orphans in the church and...she was my girlfriend. I was always with her. We were intrigued by Saeyoung's coming to the church alone and checking around as if someone was watching him all the time."V paused and sighed, looking up at the sky. Then he turned his gaze back to me. "When we met him, we learned what had happened in the house. He said he wanted to bring his twin too, but that his mother had tied him around his ankle so he couldn't leave the house. We were shocked. I wanted to do something for these kids.""And was anyone really watching him?" I muttered.V nodded. "Yes. The men their fathers hired. Because their father...is none other than a famous politician."My mouth fell open. "You must be kidding."V shook his head. "I'm not kidding. Their father is one of the prominent politicians of South Korea. I can't say his name, Saeran already knows, he'll probably tell you later. Their mother is not Korean as far as I know."It was like I was experiencing a mindfuck. You know, when you watch a movie, the events come to you too much and you can't understand it, just like that. "So, after all, you guys went their home, caught the mother red-handed, rescued and protected Saeran and Saeyoung, right?""No, Rosa, it didn't happen because the twins' appearance was dangerous for their lives." V averted his eyes as he muttered. “After all, they are illegitimate children and their father is an important man. While trying to think of a solution, I noticed Saeyoung's talent for computers. I contacted an agent company but they had some..conditions.""What... conditions?"“Saeyoung was going to save his life as an agent so that their father wouldn't come after him. He had already changed his name to Luciel when he was baptized. We were going to take Saeran under our protection with Rika. However, the agency wanted Saeyoung to leave his entire family behind. There shouldn't be anyone you care about or your enemies will use it against you." His tone was sharp." Then what happened?" i tightened my grasp on the bouquet. "Saeyoung survived. Saeran later told me that after Saeyoung's departure, their mother took all the anger out on him. He starved, beaten, insulted. Saeran was more delicate, more fragile than Saeyoung." He averted his eyes as he spoke."But then you saved him, didn't you?" I insisted. "Saeran got better, too, didn't he?""Yes. Rika and I brought him here. Of course, Mint Eye wasn't like this before. It was a place where we protected the orphans and the needy. I personally took care of Saeran, became his guardian. He bonded with the flowers." V nodded to the primroses ahead. "My profession is photography, although I can't do it anymore. I used to take pictures of flowers for him while he was taking care of flowers. He was very innocent, curious, full of life. I wanted him to forget all the bad things he went through."Looking at the flowers around us, I felt a warmth in my heart. "So most of them..."V smiled sadly. "He raised them all. He took care of them one by one. The blooming of the flowers gave him hope. But then ...""But then?"V sighed. "Rika..has some issues. It's about her sanity. She aimed to turn Mint Eye into a place where the world was cleansed of evil. At first glance, it was a harmless thought, but... her methods were unethical." Then he started coughing."Hey, are you okay?" I muttered and put my hand on his shoulder.He coughed some more as he lifted his thumb, and then looked at me. "I'm fine. I'm in a little…difficult condition." I shudder at the thought of the elixir bottles and the purification ceremony. "I guessed she was drugging her followers with something called Elixir, though."V looked at me with curious eyes. "I think you know about this. Then it will be easier for me to explain." He rubbed the back of his neck and continued. "The purpose of this elixir is not to numb, but to brainwash."I felt goosebumps. This was even worse. So Rika was planning to brainwash me? No wonder Saeran wanted to interfere.My attention is turned back to him as V starts coughing again. "Are you sure you're okay? I can go get a bottle of water and come back." I muttered as I looked at him worriedly. I tried to stand up, but he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. "Rosa, there's really no need. Thank you. It's just a side effect of the elixir.""What's in this damn thing exactly?" I sighed and sat back in my seat. "Brainwashing, headache, coughing..""Peyote cactus." he muttered. "That's the main ingredient."The peyote cactus..I don't know how it sounds familiar to me, but I was quiet for a while, probing my mind. V was also sitting quietly next to me, as if waiting for me to digest what he was saying. Then, back in college, I remembered my roommate's quest to powder a peyote cactus and turn it into a drug. Her journey ended in the hospital in the middle of the night."Hallucinations." only this word came out of my mouth. V's silence seemed to confirm that I was right. "So she changed Saeran's memories?" I muttered weakly. "Did she make him believe that his twin betrayed him?"For a moment, I thought the memories I had were actually lies. I felt like my whole world was going to collapse on me. As if Saeran never came into my life, as if I had never cried in his arms, as if we had never listened to songs together, as if we had never created memories together.
We had to escape from here.
The problem was; whether or not Saeran would believe me. Would he come with me? Would he believe me if I told him that his savior, whom he had been faithful to and obeyed all these years, had deceived him, brainwashed him? If I told him that the only person he trusted betrayed him, wouldn't that break him? It would definitely destroy him.But I promised him. I wasn't going to leave him. I wouldn't let him go even if the whole world left him. We will get through this together, eventually. He wanted me to be his light and i will be his light."Would you report us to Rika if i managed to escape from here with Saeran?" i muttered with a murmur, barely above a whisper. "Because even if you report us, I'll get him out of here anyway."
Even if it cost me my life, I would save him.
"Of course I won't report you." he muttered. "Personally, I'd be happy if he was saved. But where are you planning to go?"What would happen if I saved him? Where would we go? I had nothing but my phone in my pocket. As soon as we got out of here, we would be homeless. How much money would we have in our pocket?"We'll find a way. We'll think about it after we get out of here." I muttered, but the desperation in my voice was evident.V thought for a moment. Then he took out his phone and searched for a number in the directory for a while. When he found it, he gave me his phone. "Saeyoung's number. Save this." he muttered. "If you go to him, he will open his door to you. Tell him that I sent you, and he will believe you if you tell him what I have told you. You will not have to say anything when he sees Saeran anyway." he sighed.He then took out a small leather-covered notepad and a ballpoint pen from inside his robe. He wrote something down and gave it to me. "Here's Saeyoung's address too. When you escape, go straight here. RFA will take care of you." he added.What he did was risky. He'd probably be in trouble if someone caught him, but he was trying to protect us. Maybe guilt, maybe because of the value he placed on Saeran. I was grateful to him in every way. "Thank you V." I muttered. "I will never forget this favor."He just smiled and then added. "At least that's what I had to do."He got up from the bench and slowly began to walk away. I folded the paper in my hand and put it in my pocket. I took out my phone. Still no message from Saeran. I still sent another text. "Hey. I have some great news. We can do the garden date later. I'll be in my room. Come back when you're done, okay?"I walked back inside the building with the bouquet of flowers in my hand. Inside was as usual. Believers walking in groups in their robes, corridors lined with luxurious dark blue carpets. I thought of stopping by the control room before going to my room. Maybe he has come but he didn't have time to reply to my message.When I got to the iron door, I slowly lowered the doorknob, but it was still locked. Last time I was leaving, I closed the door and when we pulled the door, it was locked unless we opened it with a special card. So Saeran hadn't come yet.
For some reason I had a bad feeling.
Seeing the believer at the head of the corridor, I waved my hand for him to come. He stood in front of me, bowing. "Yes, Miss Rosa?"I pointed the door. "Hasn't Saeran arrived yet?"He looked up into my eyes with a blank expression. "Mr. Choi was sent on a special mission by Savior. He has just left." he muttered."What kind of special mission? Why didn't he take me with him, I'm his assistant." I muttered."To bring in the special believer MC." he answered.MC..MC..MC..
Holy shit!
I quickly concealed the panic on my face and put on a persuasive smile. "Oh, I remember correctly. But I was supposed to go on that mission too." I muttered. "I wonder if I can catch up with one of the cars?"Believer looked at me with a disbelieving expression. "But we weren't told you were going on a mission too, Miss Rosa."I folded my arms and narrowed my eyes at him. He was a little taller than me, but I was higher in rank. “I am Saeran Choi's assistant. If he finds out that his beloved assistant has been hindered by a low-ranking disciple, you will find yourself chained to the dungeon. Understand??” I muttered menacingly.It worked as I thought. He bowed before me with a frightened voice. "I'm sorry, ma'am." I stretched out my hand sternly. "Give me a car key now. Quick!"Reaching into his robe, he pulled out a car key and handed it to me with trembling hands. "Here you go, Miss Rosa. Third car in the garage. The white one."I grabbed the key with a stern demeanor and continued to stare at it. "If you tell anyone about this, I swear I'll chain you to the dungeon and starve you for a week and Saeran will support my move. Understood?"The fear in his eyes widened, and he bent down again, "Sorry, I won't tell anyone." he muttered and walked away."Idiot." I muttered under my breath. I gripped the key tightly in my hand and ran towards the garage. I was lucky to see the location of the garage when we went out earlier.When I found the car, I quickly got in and started the engine. I knew the location of the apartment, but how to get there from Mint Eye was a bit of a problem. Then I saw the navigation sign on the dashboard of the car.I quickly entered the address in the navigation and set off. “Saeran, please don't do anything stupid. Not right now. Not right now…” I slammed into the gas, muttering to myself.But when I got to the apartment, I realized that it was far, far beyond anything stupid.As I parked the car, I looked towards the apartment. The door of the apartment was open. A tall man with fiery red hair stood in the door way, his back facing me. He had his hands folded, as if he was begging, I could not see from afar to whom he was begging. As i ran towards the door, voices began to be heard. A girl voice. "Seven, do you know him?" Then a man voice. "Oh..that's.." such a broken and weak voice. Like he just experienced a shock. Then a laugh. But not joyful. A laughter flowing with cruelty, madness and hatred. It's full of darkness. And I knew the owner of this laugh very well."I prayed so that i wouldn't meet you." a dangerous hum, a mockful one. "Because i knew that seeing you would remind me of my pathetic life..!" His voice suddenly turned into a yell, filled with hatred. "Saeran!" I ran towards the doorway. The red-haired man looked at me as I approached him, and I noticed behind his glasses that his golden eyes were huge with fear and horror. When I turned my eyes to Saeran, it was me who was shocked.Deepened dark circles under his eyes. The fact that he held the girl with the cream-colored tunic and brown hair with long bangs as hostage, with his arm wrapped around her neck, whom we had previously let into this apartment. The bomb button in his free hand. But what shocked me the most was that those mint green eyes that melted my heart every time he looked at me, were now looking at me with an empty and crazy expression. This was not the man I slept in last night in his arms. Definitely not.
Fate, as always, had succeeded in screwing it all up.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 14: Ruins-
"The Earth is littered with the ruins of empires that believed they were eternal."
๑
Everything was like a stupid, fucking illusion.
In his mint green eyes, the waves crashed furiously against the cliff. His eyes were my ocean, my mint green colored ocean where I accepted to drown, embraced my death like an old friend. And losing it as soon as i accepted it, hurt more than death."Ah, Rosa. Rosa Rosa Rosa.." he hummed playfully, tilting his head to the side. "Did you come to join the party? But this time I didn't invite you." He pouted with a mocking expression."Saeran, what are you doing? What happened to you..why are you taking MC as hostage? Didn't you go to talk to Savior?" My voice was trembling with shock and confusion. I tried to take a step towards him but he raised the bomb switch in his free hand while smirking. "Take one more step and I'll blow this place up, Rosa." he muttered, while smirking wickedly."What..what happened?" The red-haired boy next to me was looking helplessly at Saeran. "Why are you...! Why are you here!? You're Saeran,right...?" His voice was shaking so much that for a moment I felt like he was going to fall over and pass out next to me.As soon as he heard his name, his mint green eyes almost went wide with anger. "Don't call me that. You don't deserve to say that name."When that red line was crossed, when the boundaries called impassable were crossed, the mind was the first thing to leave the table. Because the mind would first get up from the table where anger sits.I couldn't find the courage to speak for myself. Such was the destruction before me that its remains would have destroyed us with it. The four of us stared at each other in this apartment, not knowing what to expect a minute later. This was destruction, this was doom. Saeran, the man who was the hell itself in my eyes, was going to drag us down with him this time."You are the one who copied my algorithm...? God...When did you learned to hack!? Who taught you?" "Shut up!" Saeran hissed with all of his rage. "Why are you doing this!? Rika told me that you..."Rika..so this guy is Saeran's twin, Saeyoung right? "You..don't you dare say that name." Saeran's voice was stern, yet threatening. "What?" Saeyoung muttered in confusion, his right hand tightly grabbed the silver cross on his chest. "Traitor!" Saeran yelled with hatred, his eyes piercing through him. "All the names you spit out will be contaminated so shut up.""Saeran." I tried to speak in a calm tone. "Let go of MC. Let's talk calmly. There are things you think that are true but are actually wrong. Please-"He continued to hold MC with his left arm wrapped around her neck as he turned his gaze sarcastically to me. "The thing you're right about is Rosa, there are definitely things I misunderstood. For example, you're a traitor like him!" He hissed, pointing at Saeyoung and me. "You're both traitors. One of you ruined my past and the other ruined my present.""No..I would never-""Perhaps you went behind my back, Rosa?" His mint green eyes darkened as he tilted his head to the side. "Maybe you contacted this traitor behind my back, otherwise how would he know I was coming here, hm?"“Saeran please..” I pleaded. "I won't betray you. I can't. I never will. Didn't we talk about everything yesterday, didn't you open your heart to me, didn't you pour out your heart? I promised to be your light, remember!""Promise!" he laughed sarcastically, like a mad man. "Promise. The biggest lie in history. The traitor next to you also made promises to me in the past, he'll remember it very well if you ask. Ask which one he kept?" His laugh turned into a cruel smirk. "None. Because he is a fucking selfish traitor."My legs couldn't carry me anymore, I had to hold on to the doorknob. No matter what I said, I couldn't reach him. It was as if he had rebuilt the walls we had demolished together, and this time he had built them out of iron, not brick. So why? Why now? Why was I losing him when my hopes for life started to bloom again..?"Saeran, I..I didn't betray you, you're my twin-""Shut up..Shut up! Shut up!" Saeran was shouting all his anger and hatred towards Saeyoung. "Have you been happy at all? With your little fucking group of friends, your perfect life, hm? Have you been dreaming of a future with your girlfriend, your girlfriend that I picked and tricked into here!?""Have you ever thought about what happened to Saeran while you were living your happily little bullshit life?" he let out a sarcastic laugh. “Why would you think so, right? Saeran is weak, Saeran is fragile, Saeran is weak.. No one cares about Saeran because he is the weak one!”"Saeran.." Saeyoung's voice was trembling, full of brokenness. "Why are you doing this now? Tell me!" It was like he was trying so hard not to cry. "Something bad happened, right? That's why you are here?!"Desperately, he ran his fingers through his vermilion hair. "But Rika would never have lied to me...!""You're the one lying." Saeran's voice was stern, his mint green eyes narrowed with hatred, like he was disgusted. "I can tell, don't pretend you don't know.""I am not lying!""You're not?" he hummed darkly, with a mocking expression. "That promise about protecting me, about being together, all lies.."He kept his eyes on him as he gripped the bomb switch tightly in his hand. "Even your last promise when you told me that we will be happy after escaping that hellish place was a lie. I remember all of them." He pouted sarcastically. "Don't tell me you don't remember them."Maybe Saeyoung couldn't keep his promises, but the truth was that he wasn't lying. And only two people in this room knew that. I wish more than anything else Saeran would have known instead of me, but.."That..." Saeyoung sighed weakly. "I had no choice! It's all too much to explain now..." Well he was right, V told me everything. Saeyoung was innocent, just like Saeran."Too much to explain? How convenient, isn't it?" Saeran's voice dripped with sarcasm. "So now you're trying to play the victim, huh? Poor little Saeyoung, always caught in circumstances beyond his control. How cliché."Saeyoung clenched his fists, visibly struggling to hold back his emotions. "You know it's not like that, Saeran. There were things I had to do to protect you, to protect us both!""Protect us?" Saeran's mocking laughter echoed in the tense room. "Oh, please. Spare me the fucking sob story. You were always good at justifying your actions, weren't you? Manipulating people, weaving your web of lies.""Enough!" I interjected, my frustration and worry boiling over. "Both of you, stop this. This isn't helping anyone. Saeran, I know you're hurt, angry, and betrayed. But we're not your enemies."Saeran's eyes bore into mine, his expression a mix of defiance and vulnerability. "Aren't you? You want to be my 'light', right? But what's the point? In the end, everyone leaves, and I'm left in the darkness."Sometimes words hurt more than real punches. And his words hit me like a punch to the gut. "I'm not leaving you, Saeran. I won't abandon you, no matter what."His lips curled into a bitter smile. "Savior opened my eyes. All you did was cloud my mind." He scoffed. "I'm sorry princess, but I'm not fooled by your lies anymore."I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "Fine, if you won't listen, then let's make a deal. You want to hurt me, use me as your punching bag? Do it. But let MC go, Saeran. She's innocent in all this.""Why..?" A little wicked smirk appeared on his lips. "Why should i listen to you, huh?"With each passing second, my hope was slowly fading away.Rika took him from me. She had taken my refuge, my soul, my hope. This man standing in front of me whom I am madly in love with, now was just an empty shell filled with anger and hatred.What had she done to him? Was he tortured? Did she forcefully made him drink so many bottles of elixir, what did she do to him? What could she have done to him to make him forget his feelings for me?"Saeran.." Saeyoung was desperately pleading. "I swear to God that i had no choice!""Shut up! What do you mean you had no choice...?" Saeran chuckled darkly. "Haha... Eat those pathetic lies of yours."Saeyoung really had no choice. But even if I told this to Saeran, he wouldn't listen to me anymore. Even if he did, he wouldn't believe me. The man who used to listen to all my nonsense tirelessly and remember every detail even if he rolled his eyes was no longer there."You're uncontrollable. Covering lies with more lies... I knew you were slowly. My Savior was right.""She isn't!" My voice cracked as I shouted, but I didn't care. "She's the one who deceived you, she's manipulating you Saeran, she's the one who turned you against your brother-""Rosa shut up!" Even though his mint green eyes were raging with anger, I heard the slightest tremor in his voice as he shouted at me. Only I could tell the difference. He was still at war with himself. He was still..trying to protect me.."Saeran please." Saeyoung got on his knees, desperately begging him now. "First, let MC go, and then let's talk. Please? Let's take care of this together..."Unfortunately, he didn't realize that Saeran had already crossed the line of being persuaded by speaking. Saeran was no longer the Saeran we knew. Saeyoung was thinking Saeran was only acting like this because of the stuff that he heard but...I was the one that knew the real devastation."You hate me right now, right?" Saeyoung's voice was trembling. "She has nothing to do with this.""You're getting this wrong." Saeran tightened his grasp on MC while smirking. "I brought her here, so she's mine."No, Saeran.. She is not yours..the only one who is yours..is..only.."There's no reason to involve her into this! Don't do something to her because of me.... Please!" Tears were streaming from his golden eyes, but he didn't care.Saeyoung was trying to protect MC but the truth was she was involved in this from the start. I was involved from the very beginning too. We were all struggling in this swamp, but the difference with Saeran was that he wanted to sink us with himself. He was no longer the child who wanted salvation, who claimed that light in the dark, who grew those beautiful flowers in the garden. He no longer saw the pole star as a beacon. He just wanted to drown us all in darkness. He had become hell himself, and he wasn't going to stop until he burned us too."Hmm~" a wicked hum came out of Saeran's mouth. "Do you have feelings for this girl or something?" Saeyoung don't do this. Don't fall for it. I know how sly he can get. Don't-"...Even if i do, it is useless." Saeyoung averted his eyes. And Saeyoung had just given Saeran the perfect trump card as he was desperately trying to save the girl he loved. The biggest mistake of his life.Mint green eyes glimmered with mischief and at that moment, i guessed exactly what came to mind. That was enough to give me goosebumps. Because I knew best how cunning, how manipulative he could be when he wanted to. And Saeyoung was weak in front of her own twin. He was the prey, Saeran was the hunter. And Saeran was a master at hunting."So.." he smirked. "You do have feelings for her. I can read everything on your mind, you know."Of course he couldn't read his mind, but Saeyoung was so desperate right now that I was sure he could believe even that. Saeran was too good at making his opponent weak. Maybe too much."So i can do whatever i want to this girl to make you suffer, right?" he hummed darkly.He would. He said he would sacrifice anything, anyone, for his cause. He could have sacrificed us all. I used to be the exception, but.."Seven!!!! I love you!!!" MC suddenly yelled, tears streaming down her eyes too.Oh God.. So they are in love..this is much..worse.. Such fate.."Love?" Saeran raised an eyebrow, smirking. "So you two were being lovey-dovey when i shivered in my loneliness.""Saeran, cut it out." My voice was stern. He was going too far now. I stopped when he wiped the smile off his face and turned his gaze to me for a moment. I stayed silent this time. Yeah, he does have this effect on me. Sometimes i can't even find words to response him. He just silences me with his eyes or maybe his with his serious mood. I really don't know.Saeyoung was still shocked. I don't know if it was because of MC's sudden announcement of love or because his twin is a psychotic insane person, but once all this was over, it was clear that we all needed some good therapy. "That's not it! MC don't move!" His mint green eyes were gleaming with mischief. "Let me play with you guys, hmm?" he murmured. "How will i play with you? If you want to be officially inducted, you'll have to go through training... Oh, a lot is coming to my mind..."It was obvious that Saeran was enjoying the situation a lot. He was fulfilling his only purpose in life right now, after all. To avenge his treacherous twin for the years stolen from him. He wouldn't believe us even if we told the truth, there was nothing I could do. Also that MC just didn't do anything but yelling her love towards Saeyoung , couldn't she bite Saeran's hand or something?Was I the sane one among these four? No, the irony was that I should have been the craziest, but I must have been the sanest among the shocked Saeyoung, the brainwashed Saeran, and the useless MC.All of a sudden, we were startled by a robotic sound that covered the entire apartment. "A stranger has been located."What the fuck does this even mean!?Saeran must have panicked as well, for the grin on his face disappeared in an instant, and his anger returned. "What is that saying?" he hissed.Saeyoung sighed. "The special security system... I restarted it and it's only starting to work now..."The robotic sound speaked again. "Sensed location of strangers... Adjusting targets...""It is sensing you two as strangers, Saeran and Rosa." Saeyoung added. "What?" Saeran muttered, his voice still stern but with a bit of fear this time."The whole place will explode if we stay like this. You two, get out of here!" Saeyoung yelled, panicking."Backing up all information... After the back up is complete, the bomb will be activated. 30 seconds left..."The what?
The WHAT?
THE BOMB?!
"You idiots, are you crazy??!" I turned to both of them and shouted in panic. "One of you is letting this girl into this apartment with a bomb inside, one of you is letting her stay in this apartment with a bomb! Are you bastards crazy?!" Then I turned to MC. "Please tell me you didn't know about the situation."She didn't answer, just shook her head. I sighed with exasperation. "Are you fucking kidding me?! You agreed to stay in a apartment which contains a bomb?! Am I really the only smart one among you three?!"Saeyoung rolled his eyes. "You're not exactly smart either, dumbass" he muttered.I turned to the redhead next to me in a rage. "Don't get on my nerves you little-"Saeran scoffed with rage. "Either you let me go with the MC, or the bomb goes off and we all die, Luciel!"Saeyoung turned back to him. "Don't do this to me. I beg you, take me instead!"I fixed my eyes on MC. Do something, girl, bite your hand or something? No, this girl has no use, she is just crying right now."20 seconds." We all startled and jumped as the robotic voice told us our remaining time."Saeran, I beg you." Saeyoung pleaded again, desperately.Saeran narrowed his mint green eyes. "No! MC will come with me!""Seven, let him take me." A weak voice made them both fall silent. "I don't want you to die."I think I am gonna vomit. You idiot, in that case not only will Seven die, we will all die!I'm gonna fuck your fucking romance, God!Saeran smirked. "At least you're smart." he muttered. Then, squinting, he walked towards the door, his arm still around MC's neck. He didn't take his eyes off Saeyoung. "If you do something stupid, I'll stay inside and bam, we die." he hissed. "And if you come after us, I'll strangle your sweet girlfriend to death." he added.Saeyoung stepped aside, her desperation read through. I stood in front of the door. "Then we die together." I muttered.Saeran looked into my eyes with such an empty, cruel expression that I felt like he was ripping my heart out. He mumbled as he pushed me aside with his shoulder. "You were already dead the day you met me, Rosa."That sentence...why...why did he say that sentence...why...why..He said that to me before the moment he first kissed me, on his bed. Things were different then, then I had hope, then he was allowing me to tear down his walls, little by little. The day when he kissed me for minutes while he was suffering from a terrible headache and undressed his soul to me before his body, seemed so far away now.My mind was frozen. I had already lost Saeran. I was no longer his light. I was nothing to him anymore. I was just realizing the bitter truth as Saeyoung pulled me out of the building by my arm.
The devil was banished from heaven, but Saeran had already kicked me out of hell.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
-Chapter 15: Damaged-
"Damaged people are dangerous. They know how to feel hell like home."
༓
Did you ever feel physically sick because you think you are not good enough for anyone and can't do anything right, no matter how hard you try?
I did.
I wanted to change my own fate. I couldn't. Then a light sparked in the dark, I wanted to heal Saeran. While my own wounds were bleeding, I wanted to bandage his. I couldn't. I was ready to die many times to keep him alive, but now I can't even die. I was in agony. For the agony belonged not to those who died, but to those who were left behind.
I didn't even know what was left of me anymore.
I was leaning my head against the window and watching the road as the car drove by. The redhead next to me was quiet, probably still in shock, but he must have had enough willpower to drive. The tense face, the frowned eyebrows..The hand that wasn't on the steering wheel was gripping the silver cross hanging from his neck, as long as he didn't change gears. His lips were trembling while praying desperately. I was wondering if it really works.I felt like I would go crazy if I don't open my mouth, but I still decided to leave him alone. He had recently witnessed that his twin, whom he hadn't seen for years, was a mentally unstable man, and that he had kidnapped his girlfriend.Oh, by the way, the lunatic who fell in love with that mentally unstable man was sitting next to him, is me.I had no desire to reach for the radio. I didn't even care if I was wearing my seat belt. We passed an ice cream shop and I averted my gaze. There was no one to remind me that this wasn't a fuckin' road trip anymore. There was no point in music or ice cream without Saeran. It didn't even make sense for me to live. I turned my eyes back to the redhead next to me. I didn't even know where it was taking me. I didn't even know why he took me with him. But I was not in the mood to ask. I did not think that he would answer my question, as he was already busy holding the cross with his free hand and praying. So I turned my eyes back to the road. All I wanted right now was to turn back the last 12 hours. I was willing to have my own brain washed with elixir, as long as Saeran was not harmed. But it was as impossible as asking the fish to fly.So what happened to him? All he wanted was to protect me. It was a betrayal, a rebellion, a challenge to the Savior, but Saeran risked it all for me. I was paying the price of it. Because the only thing Rika could hurt me was using Saeran. And she had succeeded.Yes, Rika had destroyed Saeran. But Saeran had destroyed me too. And I was waiting to die in a bottomless pit, not knowing what to do.I looked up from the window when I heard the car slow down. Saeyoung was parking the car inside a garage. It was a pretty big garage, with at least 10-15 cars in it. The spy business must have brought in a lot of money.Neither of us said a word when the engine stopped. But then I saw the door ahead open and a man with long brown hair and a long leather jacket came running towards us. His eyes were literally on fire. "I have to deal with him too, great." Saeyoung sighed and slowly got out of the car. I followed him too."Zero Seven!" The man was really angry, he grabbed Saeyoung's cardigan with both hands. “Tricking me and running away, huh? I'll show you-” then he noticed me."Is she..MC?" he muttered while looking at me up and down."MC's gone." Saeyoung muttered in a vague voice.The man dropped Saeyoung's cardigan and ran his leather brown gloved hands through his hair. "Then who the fuck is this girl!?"Damn it, this guy was starting to get on my nerves though! "Look at me, 80's rock star type crap, I don't even know who the fuck you are but Saeyoung and I both had a fucking day. Got it, asshole?" The man was almost twice my size, but in that state of mind, I didn't care if he pulled a gun and put it on my forehead.Both were stunned by my sudden outburst. The man opposite me smiled appreciatively as Saeyoung turned his head towards me and looked at me in surprise. "This girl has more balls than you, huh? " he chuckled. Then he extended his hand. "The name's Vanderwood, kiddo. I'm his business partner. And you?""Rosa." I shook his hand. "The girl your partner's twin had kidnapped before. Now he's kidnapped his girlfriend." I spoke in a calm tone as if what I had said was the most normal thing in the world."Oh fuck." Vanderwood sighed. "You two better go inside. Zero Seven, we'll talk later about you tricking me. First of all, tell me what happened."We followed Vanderwood through the open door. Saeyoung closed the door behind us. We entered a large room, a lively room with red, yellow and black colours. The lights were bright and I had to blink a few times to get used to it."What the fuck is this place?" I muttered as I looked around. It sure was a bunker, but what bunker would be so pompous?"Welcome to God Seven's mansion." Saeyoung muttered behind me, there was a bit of prank in his tone but I could see his distraught look in his eyes. "Just kidding. It is my bunker.""Okay, but why the fuck is this place so shiny?" I kept squinting and looking around.Vanderwood grinned at us from the couch he was sitting on. "I like this girl. Even though she's only just here, she's proven that she has the same thoughts as me."Saeyoung sighed and sat down in front of his computer while I sat down one of the couches, albeit a little hesitantly. At first glance it looked like a studio apartment, but I saw a few more rooms in the hallway ahead. There was a bathroom, a bedroom, a guest room, I suppose. Opposite the living room was the kitchen.I stood up and slowly walked down the hall. As I thought, there was a small bathroom, with a bedroom (possibly Saeyoung's), and a guest bedroom right opposite of it. I wondered if Saeyoung had secretly dreamed of the possibility that Saeran might one day stay in that guest room while he believed he would never see him again? Did he ever think that he would meet his twin one day?
I didn't think any of the possibilities that crossed his mind would match what he experienced today.
"If the dead silence is over, will someone tell me what happened, damn it?" Vanderwood said, rolling his eyes. I heard the sound of a lighter, he was smoking a cigarette when I turned my eyes to the sitting area.Saeyoung was also staring at his phone while sitting in front of his computer. He was shaking his leg in stress."Actually first, I have some questions to ask." I muttered, ending the already useless tour of the house early. I sat in the single seat across from Vanderwood. "What is RFA?""I'm not in a position to explain anything to you right now." Saeyoung muttered as he quickly typed something on his phone."But you must be in that situation because you brought me here, you fucking idiot." I raised my voice. "At least your girlfriend was conscious when she was kidnapped.""Is this supposed to lift my spirits?" He slammed his phone down on the computer desk and stood up and stood in front of me. "In case you're wondering, I'm still in a bad mood.""What kidnapping, what the hell?" Vanderwood put his cigarette in the ashtray in front of him and looked at us. "Zero Seven?"I looked upto his golden eyes and let out a sarcastic laugh. "Damn, a syringe was stuck in my neck while I was kidnapped! I was knocked unconscious by medication. I was fired the same day and learned that I had been cheated on!" Then I paused. "Okay, the cheating part didn't really effect me, we've been dating for like two weeks." ' I added, in a calmer tone."But if you brought me here, you have to answer my questions. I've had enough trouble because of your crazy ass twin." I also fell in love with him. The situation is really perfect now."The girl is right." Vanderwood hummed. "She's already in that swamp. You'd better answer her questions.""Thanks Vanderwood." i tilted my head to his direction, smiling at him. He raised his cigarette as a gesture right before he took another drag.Saeyoung sighed. There was nothing else he could do, probably realizing that himself, because he sat on the sofa next to me and ran his hands through his vermilion hair and looked at me. "RFA stands for Rika's Fundraising Association.""Heh, actually i figured out that R stands for Rika." i chuckled. "But...fundraising..?""While Rika was ali-i mean we used to organize a fundraiser in August every year as RFA." then he paused. "Actually, I don't know how much of the events you know. Like-""V told me everything about your and Saeran's past." I muttered.Saeyoung raised one of his eyebrow. "V?" He seemed confused. "How? Where did you meet V?"This time it was my turn to be surprised. "In Mint Eye?""I wonder how much more surprised I'll be today?!" Saeyoung sighed and buried his face in his hands. "My missing twin shows up as brainwashed! The girl I fell in love with has been kidnapped by my missing twin and I can't do anything about it! And while we can't reach V, I find out the guy is in a crazy cult!""Twin?" Vanderwood sighed. "Zero Seven, I honestly don't want to imagine having another of you in the world, I can hardly stand one of you anyway."Saeyoung didn't answer, he just rolled his eyes."If your shock is over, keep talking." I muttered in exasperation.Saeyoung took a deep breath, his fingers running through his vibrant hair as he composed himself. "Alright, let me explain. RFA, or Rika's Fundraising Association, was formed by Rika and V, along with other members, to create a positive impact. We organized various charity events, supported meaningful causes, and aimed to make the world a better place."Vanderwood leaned forward, his interest piqued. "Sounds like a noble endeavor."Saeyoung nodded, a fond smile tugging at his lips. "Indeed, it was. Rika was incredibly charismatic and had a way of inspiring people to come together for a greater good. We believed in her vision and wanted to spread happiness and hope."I listened attentively, intrigued by the idea of such an organization. "And who were the other members?"Saeyoung's expression turned contemplative, his gaze distant. "Aside from Rika and V, there were others who joined us in our mission. Jumin Han, a successful businessman with a heart for philanthropy, was one of the core members. He brought both his resources and determination to the cause."Vanderwood nodded, absorbing the information. "And who else?"Saeyoung continued, his voice tinged with nostalgia. "Zen, a talented actor, joined the RFA as well. He brought his popularity and charm to the table, helping us draw attention to our events. Jaehee Kang, Jumin's capable assistant, handled logistics and coordination, ensuring everything ran smoothly."I interjected, wanting to know more about the members. "And were there others?"Saeyoung's eyes lit up as he recounted their contributions. "Of course! Yoosung, a college student and Rika's cousin, had an enthusiasm for gaming and brought his energy to the organization. And then there's me, Saeyoung. I handled the tech side of things, creating websites and systems to streamline our efforts. I was responsible from the security."Vanderwood leaned forward, intrigued. "So, you all worked together to make RFA a success?"Saeyoung nodded emphatically. "Absolutely! We were like a family, each contributing our unique strengths to the organization. Rika's vision united us, and for a time, we truly believed we were making a difference."I couldn't help but be amazed by the bond they shared. "And what about your relationship with V?"Saeyoung's smile turned nostalgic. "V was more than a friend to me. He was like a father figure, always there to guide and protect me since childhood. We've faced hardships together, and he's been a guiding light in my life. His wisdom and kindness always inspired me."As the gravity of the situation settled on me, I felt a renewed sense of determination. "What's the plan moving forward?"Saeyoung's expression grew troubled, his voice tinged with disbelief. "We need to gather information, understand Rika's motivations, and unveil the truth behind her disappearance. The shock of learning she's alive… It's something I'm still trying to process."Vanderwood extinguished his cigarette, his voice resolute. "This is some serious shit, you know?"Saeyoung's eyes darkened, his tone serious. "There's one thing I need to understand. V has never lied to me before. Why did he lie about Rika's situation?"Vanderwood and I exchanged glances, silently acknowledging the tension in the room. "And what about the RFA Messenger?" i muttered.Saeyoung's gaze met mine, an unspoken recognition passing between us as if to convey, 'Oh, so you're familiar with that too.' Then his golden eyes glinted with a mixture of nostalgia and determination. "Actually, Rika had a special vision for RFA that went beyond just a regular messenger app. She wanted something unique, something that would connect the members on a deeper level. So, she tasked me with creating a custom app exclusively for our Association."Vanderwood's interest was still piqued. "A custom app? What did it do?"Saeyoung's fingers danced in the air, mimicking the creation of a virtual masterpiece. "It was called the RFA Messenger. I developed it from scratch, and its purpose was to be a private platform where only the RFA members could communicate. It had secure chatrooms, and I incorporated a special email feature for Rika's version of the app."I leaned forward, intrigued by the concept. "What was the special email feature?"Saeyoung's smile grew warmer. "Rika was our party coordinator, and she loved organizing events that brought us all together. In her version of the RFA Messenger app, I integrated an email feature. This way, she could send out event invitations, plan activities, and coordinate with the guests seamlessly."Vanderwood raised an eyebrow. "And how did the email feature work?"Saeyoung's expression turned confident. "I ensured that only Rika's version of the app had access to this feature. It allowed her to send out emails to the guests of our events, keeping them updated about upcoming gatherings, parties, and other important announcements. It was like a secret tool that helped her orchestrate memorable experiences."I nodded, impressed by Saeyoung's dedication. "So, it was a way to enhance communication and keep the guests informed."Saeyoung's eyes softened with a mixture of fondness and sadness. "Yes, exactly. The app brought us closer as a group, and Rika's unique feature allowed her to create special connections with our event attendees."Vanderwood's voice was empathetic. "And MC was the party coordinator after Rika. How did that happen?"Saeyoung leaned forward, a glimmer of intrigue in his eyes. "Funny story, actually. MC became party coordinator in a rather unique way. You see, when Rika lived in her apartment, she had a special setup. Anytime someone with the RFA Messenger app signed in within that apartment, the app and its information would seamlessly connect. It's like the place itself was wired to the app."I raised an eyebrow, curious about the connection. "So, MC could access all the RFA-related things while in Rika's apartment?"Saeyoung grinned, pleased that I grasped the concept. "Exactly! When MC entered Rika's apartment, it was like having a backstage pass to the RFA Messenger app. This special link allowed MC to effortlessly take over the party coordination role. It was as if the place recognized the new party coordinator."Vanderwood's intrigue deepened. "That's quite a technological feat."Saeyoung nodded proudly. "It was one of my more complex creations. But the seamless transition ensured that RFA's legacy could continue even after Rika's disappearance. MC could easily send out invitations, plan events, and coordinate everything just like Rika did.""I muttered, 'But now Saeran has MC, so...'" I said under my breath."The party can't happen because MC is not in Rika's apartment now," Saeyoung finished my sentence.Vanderwood's patience seemed to wear thin, and he let out an exasperated sigh. "You two, is the party really the priority at this moment? Zero Seven, your girl is captured. Rosa, it seems you might have some connection to Saeran-""Ugh, spare me the divine insight," I muttered with an exasperated scoff."Anyway," Vanderwood sighed once more, "Zero Seven, you still have responsibilities to fulfill. You're still an agent, and our clients are waiting for you to complete their assignments."I saw a glimmer of frustration in Saeyoung's golden eyes, a fire ignited by the mounting pressure. His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists, his usual cheerful demeanor giving way to an intense anger."You don't understand, do you?!" Saeyoung's voice rose, his anger breaking through. "It's not that simple. I can't just focus on my work like nothing is happening! MC's life is at stake, and you're telling me to prioritize my damn assignments?"Vanderwood's expression remained stern, but there was a hint of understanding in his gaze. "Zero Seven, I get it. But you also have a duty as an agent. Lives could be at risk if you don't complete your tasks. It's a tough balance, and you know it."Saeyoung's chest heaved as he struggled to control his anger. His voice trembled as he spoke, a mixture of frustration and desperation in his words. "I know my duty, Vanderwood. But how can I focus on anything when the people I care about are in danger? How can I sit idly by while MC and Saeran are both in peril?"Vanderwood's eyes locked onto Saeyoung's, a silent exchange passing between them. "We're both going to get in trouble if you don't get their work done, you idiot!" Vanderwood scoffed, the bite in his words softened by a touch of camaraderie.At that moment, the pressure and emotions swirling in the room seemed to reach a breaking point. Frustration, worry, and fear mingled in the air like a storm about to unleash its fury. With a sudden surge of determination, I stood up abruptly, my voice cutting through the tension."Enough!" I shouted, my tone commanding and forceful. Both Saeyoung and Vanderwood turned their gaze towards me, surprise evident in their expressions. "Enough with the arguing, with the anger, and with the blame. We're all in this together, and we need to find a way to make it work. Saeyoung, I know you're torn, but we have to be strategic. Vanderwood, we can't ignore the urgency of the situation either. So let's focus on what we can do to save both MC and Saeran. Let's channel our energy into finding solutions instead of clashing with each otcaher."A wry grin tugged at Vanderwood's lips as he looked at Saeyoung. "I told you that this girl has more balls than you, Zero Seven.""Whatever." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.With a begrudging sigh, Saeyoung seemed to concede, his anger simmering down as he raked a hand through his vermilion hair. "You're right, Rosa. We need to be smart about this. I can't just drop my responsibilities, but I won't abandon MC or Saeran either."Vanderwood leaned back, observing the scene with a satisfied smirk. "Looks like the two of you can agree on something." "I need to contact Saeran," I murmured while standing up, my voice laced with urgency. "If... if I talk to him maybe he'll listen to me... maybe I can convince him."Saeyoung's gaze shifted towards me, concern etched on his features. "Have you been able to reach him?"I shook my head, frustration simmering beneath the surface. "I've been trying, but he's locked down all my attempts. It's like he's deliberately keeping me at bay."Vanderwood leaned forward, his voice calm and measured. "Well he is probably a skilled hacker too. If he doesn't want to be reachable, he'll make sure of it."I exhaled a sigh, frustration intertwining with a spark of determination. "I won't give up. There has to be a way to break through, to reach him."Saeyoung's gaze softened as he looked at me. "Rosa, I understand how important Saeran is to you. He is important to me too..he is my other half, my twin.. But we need to be cautious. He's not the same person he used to be. Mint Eye has manipulated him, and he might not respond the way you expect."I nodded, acknowledging his words. "I understand. But I won't stop trying. I can't..i just can't.." My voice trailed off with my broken feelings. Then another issue came into my mind. "Saeyoung," I began, turning my attention to him as we stood in his living room. "Are you planning to let the rest of the RFA know about the situation?"Saeyoung's gaze was tired and conflicted, his fingers absently tapping on the armrest of his couch. He let out a heavy sigh before responding, "I... I want to tell them, but... it's been a whirlwind of a day, and I don't want to drop this bomb on them just yet."Vanderwood chimed in, his voice measured. "You need time to process everything yourself before you can explain it to them."Saeyoung nodded in agreement. "Exactly. I don't want to lie to them, especially after what V did to me. But I need a day or two to sort through my thoughts, gather more information, and then tell them everything."I understood his perspective, the weight of the situation clearly taking a toll on him. "Taking a bit of time to ensure you have a clear understanding of the situation is important. They'll appreciate your honesty when you do share."Saeyoung's lips twitched into a faint smile. "Thanks, Rosa. It's just... I don't want to drop this on them without a plan. They deserve better than that."Vanderwood's voice was supportive. "You're doing the right thing by considering their feelings and preparing yourself."With a nod, Saeyoung's gaze grew more determined. "Yeah, I'll wait a day or two, gather my thoughts, and then I'll tell them. I won't lie to them, not like V did to me."As the conversation continued, a notification chimed on Vanderwood's phone once again, pulling his attention away. He read the message and let out a sigh, his expression becoming more serious. "Well, fuck. I've just received another mission. It's urgent, and I need to leave immediately."Saeyoung raised an eyebrow, his concern growing more evident. "Another one? Seems like things are getting pretty chaotic."Vanderwood nodded, his voice resolute. "Unfortunately, that's the nature of our work. I have to go. Zero Seven, Rosa, I trust you both to manage things while I'm away."Saeyoung's lips twisted into a wry smile. "You got it, Vanderwood. Take care of yourself out there."As Vanderwood left the room, the weight of his departure seemed to settle around us. Saeyoung turned his gaze towards me, and we both sat in silence for a moment, processing the events of the day.It hurt that he looked so much like Saeran, when I needed him so badly. If he take off his glasses, they would be like copies of each other.Why didn't fate pity us? Why was Saeyoung and Saeran's fate like this? Should this be the reward for this man who sacrificed even his own name to save his twin? Why weren't we smiling for once?"How are you dealing with..this?" Saeyoung muttered, breaking the silence.I turned my gaze at him. "What do you mean?""Saeran is my twin." he muttered. "No matter what he does, I can't hate him. He's a piece of my blood and soul, and I'd still die for him no matter what. But.." he looked at me with confusion. "Why aren't you trying to run away? You are free now. I am not gonna detain you. From here on out, it's my problem. So, why?"Actually, I was wondering that too. I was no longer a prisoner. I wasn't in Mint Eye. Saeran's interest in me had already been destroyed by Rika. Now I was free to go, but why couldn't I?
He left like i was never a reason to stay. So why can't i let him go?
It was real to me. I don't know what it was for him. But for me, it was real. It meant more than it should be. "A part of me still thinks that if i find the right way, it will save him." i murmured without looking at him. "And i don't have any better choice than this."
I am homesick for the arms that don't want to hold me anymore.
It's pathetic, really. I still hope it's me and him in the end. I still hope with every bone in my body that it'll be us, in the end. I don't really know why i am still hoping though..I don't know what i am more afraid of:to see him again, or to never see him again.
Because both were equally terrifying to me right now.