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Dumpster Diving for Love

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"Get outta my damn dumpster, you dummy!" Bubs shook his fist at his friend when he spotted him climbing into his dumpster."Awe, but ya know, as they say-" Coach Z carefully stepped inside, "-One man's trash is another man's træsure!" He started to rummage through the products Bubs could no longer sell.Bubs sighed, "Well, you can go on and get crushed by the garbage truck for all I care." He banged on the side once before giving up and walking away.Coach Z didn't mind his departure. He was too busy scavenging whatever products he could use.Hours later, a garbage truck came and started to pick the dumpster up. The movement jostled a Blubb-O's box onto the head of sleeping Coach Z. "W-whort?" He woke up and started to stretch. It was only when he opened his eyes, did he realize the situation he was in."Wait a morment!" Coach Z yelled out when the dumpster he was in started to rise. "Nooo!!" It was turned over and the contents of it fell into the tank.There was rustling in the piles of trash, and out popped Coach Z's head without his cap. "Hey!" He swam through the garbage and began banging on the walls, "Let me outta here!"The truck lowered the dumpster to the ground. Coach Z waited to see if he was noticed. The door to the truck opened and out came the driver. "The heck was that?" They wondered out loud to themself. They climbed up a ladder that was on the outside of the tank and looked to see what had caused that banging."What the-" The driver saw Coach Z staring up at them, "Why the hell were you in a dumpster?" They asked the stranger.Coach Z did not answer them. He was too busy falling in love. The moonlight illuminated the driver in a way that made his heart skip a beat.The driver found themself being weirded out by the staring stranger. "Uhh…" They looked away and scratched at their neck, "Look, man, you don't need to tell me the reason. I just need you to get out, so I can continue my job." They glanced back at the stranger.It took Coach Z a moment to realize he was being talked to. "O-Oh, orkay!" He nodded but then began digging in the trash for his cap, "Just uhm… give me a minute. I lorst something in here." He started to sweat nervously when he heard the driver sigh. Coach Z then found his cap and quickly put it on.He spotted a ladder that just so happens to be in the interior of the tank and started to climb it. When he got out, the driver gave him a strange look. Coach Z took a moment to inspect himself.He was horrified to see that his tracksuit was covered in various stains from various mysterious fluids. Coach Z couldn't see it, but there was actually a piece of toilet paper stuck to his cap.When he turned to the driver, he saw that they had entered the garbage truck and were starting to drive away."Oh crackles…" Coach Z mumbled to himself, "I missed my chance to tell them how I feel…" He sighed in defeat and sat against the dumpster.He hung his head low, sniffling to himself. After he had his fill of depression for the night, Coach Z stood up from the floor. "I better head on horme now…" Just as he was about to leave, something on the side of the dumpster caught his eye.Coach Z peered at the sign and was ecstatic to find out it was the schedule for when the dumpster was going to be emptied. "Well, that's just great! They come by each week!" Coach Z raised his hands up in the air before waddling on to this locker room.———The next day, he found himself talking to Bubs about his plan."So… you got a crush on a garbage worker?" Bubs asked as he cleaned out a glass cup with a rag.Coach Z nodded, "Ya don't get it, Bubsy. They looked eeethera- umm…" He took a second to scratch the top of his hat, "What's that word?" He asked Bubs."Beautiful?" Bubs said, but Coach Z shook his head, "Handsome?" He tried again.Coach Z sighed and began rubbing at his face. "No! But it's on the tap of my torngue…" He slowly leaned against the concession stand for support. They both went silent so Coach Z could think of the word.He stood up straight in a flash, "Ethereal!"Bubs gave him a strange look, "How did you even know that word?" Coach Z gave him a shrug, and Bubs began shaking his head. "You really need to get your head checked out." He told his friend.Just as Coach Z was just about to continue the conversation, a customer came by. Bubs shifted into scamming mode, and we transitioned to the next scene.———It is now next week. Coach Z was back inside the dumpster, waiting for his crush to show up. He found a surprisingly untouched plastic flower in the trash, so he was fiddling with it while he waited.He heard the sounds of a truck approaching. Coach Z stood up and was blasted in the face with bright headlights. "Ouch, my eyes!" He shielded his face and could hear one of the truck's doors opening.'This better not be the same guy that was here last week…' The garbage worker thought to themself and walked up to the dumpster. "Really? You're here again?" He heard his crush speak to him. Coach Z quickly rubbed his eyes and turned to them. His heartbeat quickened. His pale face turned a light pink."I-I got sormthing for you!" Coach Z rambled out and shoved the fake flower in their face. His crush leaned back to avoid getting hit and was a bit confused on the offer.They hesitantly accepted it, and Coach Z started to scream inside his head."Thanks…" The other said as they examined it, "But why? Do you like me or something?" They asked him.Coach Z found himself speechless. He couldn't confess his feelings yet."I-I erm, uhh…" He pulled at the collar of his tracksuit, "Mnh…" Coach Z started to sweat profusely and shake. You could see him practically dripping in it.His crush started to become weirded out by him, "Can you please get out? I need to do my job." They asked, and Coach Z immediately hopped out of the dumpster.He stood to the side and watched them enter the garbage truck. When they dumped the contents of the dumpster inside the tank, and set it back down, they did not exit the vehicle. Instead, they just drove away.Coach Z stood there feeling dejected. Many times in his life, he had been called disgusting or weird, straight to his face. Somehow, even though they haven't insulted him, it felt even worse.Just as he was about to give up pursuing his crush, his signature catchphrase popped into his head. "You can't just rush into the score zone…" He mumbled to himself and slowly started to nod, "Ooh… I gat it now!" Coach Z said, "I have to be more direct!" Happy that he figured it out, he snapped his fingers before walking off back to his locker room.———The next week, the garage worker parked their truck right in front of the dumpster. "Gotta check if that guy is inside…" They reminded themself and looked into it. But all they saw were trash bags, trash, bags, and bags of trash."Ahem horm?" They heard the stranger's voice to their left and turned to him.They saw the dumpster guy, but he looked different. For once, the tracksuit he always wore seemed to be clean. He had a little bow tie around his neck, he was holding an unopened bottle of Listerine, along with something else he was hiding behind his back."Oh hey." The garbage worker welcomed him, "Thanks for not being in the dumpster this time." They gestured to it, and Coach Z chuckled nervously.He took a deep breath and walked forward. "I know we don't know each orthers names, but I'd like to take you oat on a date." Coach Z told them with boldness he didn't even know he had.The garbage worker stood there, unresponsive. They were connecting the dots in their head. 'Oh my God. That's why he was always in the dumpster. He has a crush on me.'"I got you a few gifts!" Coach Z revealed a bouquet of flowers from behind his back and handed them over."I hope you're not illergac to those." Coach Z laughed nervously before pushing a wad of napkins into the other's arms, "And everyone needs a few napkins, right?" His crush looked down at the gifts they were given, and then back at Coach Z.'I don't even know anything about him except for the fact he dumpster dives, has a weird accent, and looks 40-something.' They listed in their head, 'And, I'm certain that if I refuse, he's going to continue coming to the dumpster.' The garbage worker took a deep breath and said, "Are you going to leave me alone if I go on this date with you?""Yes." Coach Z said immediately.'Thank God.' The garbage worker awkwardly maneuvered the bouquet of flowers, so they could roll back their sleeve to check the time, "After this dumpster, I'll be on my break. Is there anywhere nearby you want to go?"Coach Z started to get excited. His crush had actually accepted. "Ever been to a Warfle Horse before?" He asked with an invisible growing grin on his face.The other gave him a strange look, "You mean a Waffle House?" They asked him."You say tomader, I zader madermorts!" He said, making the other start to laugh at his strange accent. Coach Z's heart swelled with pride when hearing their laughter.When his crush stopped, they motioned for him to enter the garbage truck. "Hop on in then. I'll drive us over there after emptying this dumpster." Eager to get on with the date, Coach Z nodded and hurried over to the passenger side. The other sat on the driver's seat, and he watched them in interest. They used multiple levers and buttons to pick up the dumpster, move it over the tank, flip it upside down to empty it, and then set it back on the ground.Then they started the drive to Waffle House. Coach Z was trying to come up with a topic to say, but when he opened his nonexistent mouth, they turned on the radio to jazz.They both spent the drive listening to the music. Coach Z sat up straighter when he saw the Waffle House in the distance.They parked and they both entered it. They chose a table to go sit at, and a tired waitress gave them their menus before leaving. Coach Z couldn't help but stare at the other as they read through their menu.'Alright Y/N, all you need to do is pretend to like him for this one date. Then he'll leave you alone.'"So…" His crush then began to talk, breaking the 30-something minute silence between the both of them. "What are you getting?" They asked him, and Coach Z regained his ability to talk."O-Oh, uhm…" He quickly scanned the menu, only to panic at all the choices there were. Coach Z glanced back at his crush to see that they were waiting for his answer. "This!" He pointed to a random meal and showed them what it was."Two sausage patties?" They read what Coach Z pointed at, making him look at it for himself, "Are you sure that's going to be enough for you?" They asked, concerned for his well-being. They had noticed his green bean-like body after seeing him in a dumpster many times.Coach Z felt warm at their concern for him, but that didn't change that he completely picked his meal at random. "It-it's just that…" He started to explain, and patted his pockets for any excuses he had in there, "I don't have that much cash on me." Coach Z said, but felt ashamed. He wasn't lying! All he had was five sweaty bucks on him.But seriously, who takes someone out on a date when you only have five bucks? Our nervous, loveable, Coach Z, that's who.His crush gave him a look of sympathy, and the waitress came back to take their orders. They went first, and when he was going to speak, the other had interrupted him. "He'll be having a hash brown bowl, ham, egg, and cheese, please."The waitress wrote it down on her notepad and then walked away again. Coach Z gave his crush a look of disbelief. They simply gave him a smile back.He began to blush and turned away to hide it. Coach Z looked around the restaurant to find out that they weren't the only customers there. There was one other couple sitting at another table, having a conversation between each other, and there were a few lone ones sprinkled around.Someone gently grabbed his hand, and Coach Z turned back to his crush. They were giving him the same smile from before.Just as they opened their mouth to say something, the door to Waffle House was busted in. "Everyone to the ground! This is a robbery!"Everyone in the restaurant looked to see it was a red masked figure with a small yellow accomplice in black gear. Coach Z recognized them to be Strong Bad and The Cheat in their heist get-ups.Strong Bad was holding up his signature nunchuck gun, his gunchuck, if you will. "Is that even a real gun?" Someone said, and Strong Bad yelled at them."Of course it's a real gun!" He fired a round into the ceiling and stomped his foot, "And this is a real robbery! Everyone on the ground now!" He ordered again angrily, and so they did. Lucky for him, there was no real police force in Free Country to stop him.The Cheat went around the restaurant collecting every customers' valuables into a sack, until he came to a certain table. "Mreh meh?" He asked when he saw Coach Z sitting on the ground with someone."Hellor dere, The Chort!." He greeted him, and Y/N stared at the coach with shock at his friendly disposition, "I only got 5 very soggy bucks on me, but my date here’s gotta have at least a 20." Coach Z gestured to them.'Did he just sell me out to robbers to save himself?!' Y/N was screaming in their head in panic. They had never been robbed before."The Ch- I mean my accomplice! What's taking so long?" Strong Bad walked over and saw Coach Z. "What are you doing here? You're too broke to be eating out!" He asked the coach, and The Cheat murmured to him."You're on a date? I thought you were dating Bubs!" Strong Bad questioned him, aiming his gunchuck to the ground."Well, I never actually asked him oat yet, so he never actually said yes." Coach Z shrugged and explained. Y/N was still shocked by the fact he was buddy-buddy with the robbers. "So, I've been going after this person, and now we're on a date!" Coach Z gestured to the panicked person next to him."You mean you stalked them?" Strong Bad asked."Yeah." Coach Z nodded, not even going to deny it.The Cheat and Strong Bad shared a look before shrugging, "Alright, well, you can go then. I know you're broke as hell." Strong Bad said. The Cheat helped him up and started to push him towards the entrance."Oh- goodbye date! I still don't know your norm!" Coach Z shouted as he was forced out the door.Strong Bad turned to Y/N and pointed his gunchuck at them. "Empty your pockets." He ordered them.'Oh crap.' Y/N thought to themself.

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