Work Text
17 year old Freddie lives in Kingston-Upon-Thames, London in a flat. He moved out of his parents house after getting enough money to buy himself a flat. He's struggling with his mental health, he's been diagnosed with Depression, panic disorder and PTSD. He's living in the flat with his boyfriend, Nineteen year old Jim Hutton. Freddie's finding it hard to cope with his mental health.
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TW:Self Harm mention, Mental health Crisis, Sexual assault mention, Overdose attempt mention
November 9th 2015, Monday
Freddie's p.o.v
Hey!I'm Freddie, i'm 17. I live in Kingston-Upon-Thames, London in a flat with my boyfriend, Jim Hutton, he's nineteen. I moved out of my parents house three months ago, i had been working in a cafe to get the money to move out into a flat of my own. I've been diagnosed with Depression, Panic Disorder and PTSD. I was sexually assaulted by an older adult when i was fourteen and in highschool. It was the headmaster, he got fired and jailed for thirty years. I got PTSD, Depression and panic disorder from it.I'm struggling to cope with my mental health, i self harm a lot. It's mainly on my left wrist, Jim's getting annoyed with the fact that i won't get help. I can't ask for help, it's not that easy. I'm sat in my room, my heart pounding, my ears ringing. I'm hyperventilating. I know it's a panic attack. I popped out my tablets from the packet, set them on my desk, i did it for all my medication for my PTSD, depression, panic disorder.I sat, stared at the tablets. My boyfriend opened the bedroom door, saw me sat on the bed, staring at my tablets. "Freddie, do you need to go through the five senses?", he asked, trying to keep me aware of my surroundings. "i need you to name the five senses", he says, he's a med student. I couldn't, it took me five more minutes before i came out of the panic attack completely. "hey, you were really out of it", Jim says. "you were about to overdose", he says. "I had a panic attack", i say. "i've got to go to college, are you going to be okay while i'm gone?", he asked, kissing me softly. "yeah, i'll call if i need you", I lied to him. "okay, i love you", he says. "i love you too", i say.My boyfriend left for college, i waited for twenty minutes. I ended up calling 999, said i wanted to overdose. They sent out an ambulance. I put the tablets into a small clear box, left it on my desk. "Paramedics!", was called out about seven minutes after calling. "Door's unlocked!", i answered back. they came into the bedroom, "i'm Cindy, this is Jo", Cindy says. "we do have to ask if you've been harming yourself in the last few months", Jo says. "I have", i say.I showed the cuts, "I called because i want the help but i struggle to ask for help", i say. "were you going to overdose?", i nodded. "I have PTSD, Panic disorder, Depression", i say. "it all comes from being sexually assaulted when i was fourteen", i say. "Sweetheart, tell us what happened", Cindy says. "i was fourteen, in highschool, i got sexually assaulted multiple times by the headmaster, he got fired and jailed for thirty years when i decided to speak up about being sexually assaulted", i say."fuck, sorry", i was tearing up, "No, don't apologise", She says. I'm trying to supress a panic attack, "Freddie, i need you to look at me, sweetheart", she says. I did as i was told. "is there anything in this room that you can hold that makes you feel calm?", She asked. I nodded, i pointed to the shelf in the room. It's full of teddy bears. Cindy picked one up off the shelf, handed it to me. "bad idea", i tell her. "why's that?", Jo asked this time, "i rip them to shreds when i get this bad", i say. "i've had to throw away about forty teddy bears", i say.Cindy made me hold it, she had picked up my really fluffy teddy bear. It calmed me down a little bit, "do you live alone?", i shook my break. "boyfriend lives with me", i say. "How often do you have panic attacks?", Jo asked. "four times a day", i say. "is this the first time you've asked for help?", i nodded. "are you with a crisis team?", Cindy asked. "No", i say. "how old are you?", she then asked, "Seventeen", i answered. "seventeen?", i nodded. "I moved out of my parents house three months ago", i say. "are you seeing anyone for your mental health?", i shook my head."No", i say. I had another panic attack, "Freddie, sweetheart. Have you done the five senses before?", i nodded. "We're going to do the five senses with you, okay?", i nodded again. "Five things you can see", Jo says. "you, Cindy, teddy bears, door, bed", i say. "four things you can feel", Cindy says this time. "Teddy bear, hands, socks, bed", i say. "three things you can hear", Jo says. "clock, breathing, birds", i say, "Two you can smell", Cindy says, "perfume, deodorant", i say. "one thing you can taste", she says. "Mint", i say, calming down."we're staying until you feel that you're not going to be a risk to yourself or others, okay?", i nodded. "how long have been self harming?", Jo asked. "a few months, some are old, some are new", i say. "I'm home!", My boyfriend called from the hall, "My boyfriend", i say. He came into the bedroom, "I'm Cindy, thisi s Jo, we're with the ambulance service", Cindy says to my boyfriend. "he called because he wanted to overdose, we can't leave until we know he's not going to do it and he's not a risk to himself", Jo says."he's had two panic attacks", Jo then says. "I can refer you to a crisis team, they'll have someone come out and talk to you", Cindy says. "Okay", i say. She rang the crisis team, i was referred over to them. "they've got someone coming out tomorrow to talk to you about possible treatment", i nodded. "we're happy to leave you in the care of your boyfriend", Jo says, "Thank you", i say. The paramedics left. "baby, thank you for getting help", Jim says. "scariest thing i've done", i say. "I know baby", he says. "where are the tablets?", he asked, i gave him the tablets."i'm keeping these, if you need them, you ask me for your tablets", i nodded. We kissed softly, I called my parents and asked them to come over. "Freddie sweetheart", Dad(Ollie)says. He's a highschool teacher so is papa(Brian). "what's happened?", papa asked. "i called an ambulance for myself earlier, i wanted to overdose, i stopped myself. I'm being referred to a crisis team", i say. Dad hugged me, "bravest thing you've done Sweetie", He says, "Scariest thing i've done, i've been scared to ask for help", i say. "we're here every step of the way", papa says. "he's got a worker from the crisis team coming out tomorrow", Jim says, handing me a mug of tea. I kissed him in return."i've been cutting too", i say. "Sweetie", dad says. "I want to stop but it's hard", i say. "We know", papa says. "thank you for telling us you've done this. We'll come over tomorrow", i nodded, my parents left. Me and Jim went to the bedroom, stripped. We started kissing. He grabebd the lube, lubed up his fingers and my hole. He teased around it before pushing two fingers in at once, i bucked as he rubbed my prostate. "Good boy", he says."please", i begged. He kept rubbing my prostate, i started to cum. "thank you", he kissed me as i came down from the high. "let's go and have a bubble bath", he says, he started the bath, i brushed my teeth. "in you get", i sat against his chest. He washed my hair, "I love your hair", he says. "why?", i ask, "I like it long", he smiled softly. "i'm going to make dinner, then later we'll have a cuddle and settle down", i nodded. I have to take my tablets before i eat everyday. Jim gave me two of my tablets for the PTSD, i took them with water, then the tablets for the depression and finally the tablets for the panic disorder.
November 10th 2015, Tuesday
I didn't want to get out of bed, Jim's in the kitchen. "baby", i stirred, "Nooo", i whined tiredly. "you need to get up", he says. "Noooo", i again whined. "your parents are in the living room", he says. "Tired, want snuggles", i yawned. "go and have a shower please", he says, i made myself get out of bed. "i'll put your tablets on the table in the kitchen", i nodded. "i'm trusting you to take them without thinking about an attempt", he kissed my forehead softly.I had a shower, Jim stood in the bathroom with me. He took the chance to strip naked himself and join me in the shower. I got pulled into his arms, he washed my hair, grabbed the shower. I turned off the shower, i dried off. I put on clean boxers, hoodie, track bottoms. I brushed my teeth, i let my boyfriend brush my hair, i put on socks as well. We went into the kitchen, i took my tablets with water. "Morning Freddie", dad says. "Hi dad", i say, "You should be at work", i say. "we are going to work, we just want to know how you're doing", papa says."i'm okay, i did want to overdose last night, i stopped myself", i say. "give us a call if you need us, okay?", i nodded. My parents went to work, i made myself a cup of tea. The doorbell rang, I sat in the living room with my tea. "Hi, i'm Matt, i'm with the crisis team. I understand you've been referred over by the London ambulance service", i nodded. "what are your diagnosis'?", he asked, "PTSD, Depression, Panic disorder", i say."what medication are you on?", he asked. "for my PTSD i'm on Prazosin, for the depression, i'm on setraline and for the panic disorder, i'm on ativan", i say. "Well, i do need to get a treatment plan in place, it may include a possible three month section in a secure psychiatric unit", He says. "i've been told you self harm", he says, "I do", i say. "where do you harm yourself?", he asked, "left Wrist, sometimes places where it isn't noticed", i say. I sipped my tea, "do you have a treatment plan in place already?", Matt asked. "No", i say."i got the medication because i did see a therapist for two months, i got dropped from the list", i say. "I do want the help but i keep getting refused because i'm a male, i don't get believed", i say. "I think it's best the three month section happens so you can get the help you need", he says. "how old are you?",he then asked. "Seventeen", i say. "are you living here with your parents?", he asked, "No, boyfriend, i moved out of my parents three months ago", i say."are you having thoughts of suicide?", i nodded. "i really want to overdose", i say. My boyfriend sat with us, arm around me. I had to excuse myself from the room, i went into a panic attack. I had gone into the kitchen, Matt followed me. I'm trying to resis the urge to overdose or harm myself. "everything okay?", He asked. "Panic Attack", i say, "are you having urges to harm yourself and overdose?", i nodded. "i'm trying to resist", i say, my chest is killing me. Everything around me went black.
1 hour later
I woke up on the sofa, "Freddie", i sat up. "Did i pass out?", Jim nodded. "Matt's still here", he says, "I know, i just feel sick", i say. "Where's the paracetamol?", Jim called from the kitchen, "Second drawer to your left!", i answered. He brought me the paracetamol and anti-emetic tablet. "take them together, it'll soothe the headache and your sickness", he says. Matt sat down, "do you often black out after a panic attack?", i nodded."i think i'm going to be sick", i say. "i've got sick bags with me", Matt says. "thank you", i threw up into it, Jim tied my hair back. I had half a cup of water, the tablets kicked in. "as i was saying, the section is the best idea right now since you're feeling suicidal", Matt says.
November 11th 2015, Wednesday
Matt's coming round again today to discuss the section, my parents have to be involved because it's a section under the mental health act.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
November 11th 2015, Wednesday
Matt's coming round again today to discuss the section, my parents have to be involved because it's a section under the mental health act.
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TW: Self Harm, Overdose, Police section 136.
I got dressed into a hoodie, track bottoms, fluffy socks. I had breakfast with a cup of tea. My parents arrived first, "Hi sweetie", dad hugged me. I got a hug from papa as well. "So a section?", i nodded. "My worker from the crisis team suggested a three month section on a psychiatric unit", i say.Matt arrived, "i have put a care plan in place", he says. "do you agree to the section?", i nodded, "i agree", i say. "i will go willingly", i say. "I'm just scared", i say. "that's okay, it's okay to be scared", Matt says. I haven't taken my tablets yet, My boyfriend got them from the kitchen. "PTSD", he says, i took the tablets for all my diagnoses. I got up and went to sit on the balcony, "Leave him, let him do it, he's not going to hurt himself, he's on the balcony, he does it when he needs time to himself", i heard my boyfriend explain.Matt came out anyway, "are you okay?", he asked, "I don't know", i say. "i'm scared", i say. "I don't like being away from my boyfriend, i've got the urge to take all my tablets at once and overdose", i say. "i want to be done with life, i'm done living with PTSD, depression, panic disorder", i say, on the verge of tears. "look at me", he says. I looked at him, "it's all getting to me at once", Matt hugged me, "have you a blade on you?", he asked, i nodded. "give it to me", he says, it slipped out of my hand, slicing the palm of my hand. "Fuck!", i yelped."let me have a look", he says. "it's sliced your hand", he says. "i'm going to get my bag, okay?", i nodded. Jim came out onto the balcony. "your parents have gone to work", i nodded. "did you cut your hand?",he asked "by accident, the blade slipped out of my hand, sliced my palm", i say. Matt came back out with his bag, he cleaned the cut with anti-septic spray. "I know it stings", Matt says. Jim gave me a tea-towel to bite down on.I bit down as Matt stitched my hand and dressed in with a gauze and bandage. "there you go", he says. I will admit, i have taken an overdose. "Freddie, have you taken an overdose?", Matt asked, "yes", My speech is slurred.
999: Is the patient breathing?
Matt: Yeah, he's taken an overdose. I'm with the crisis team
999: We'll get the help arranged
"They've got an ambulance coming and the mental health car", Matt says. "I am now detaining you under a section three of the mental health act Nineteen-eighty three", Matt says. "we've been to you before", Cindy and Jo. I threw up the tablets into a sick bag, "he's sliced his hand open by accident", Matt says. "how?", Jo asked, "Razor blade, he dropped it while giving it to me to dispose of", Matt informs them."Just be sick Freddie, let it out, don't hold it", My boyfriend says. "i feel sick", i whimpered. "is he allowed to take anti-emetics?", Jim asked Cindy and Jo. "yes, he's only allowed one since he's been sick", Jo says, i was given an anti-emetic tablet to try and settle the sickness. "we'll wait until you feel a bit better", Cindy says. "baby, look at me", Jim sat in front of me. "you're okay, i won't let anything bad happen to you, i love you so much to the moon and back, even all around the world", he says."have you got any fresh cuts?", I nodded. "i'm cold", i whimpered. "do you want my jumper?", i nodded, i got my boyfriend's oversized jumper. "We do need to get you to hospital to be assesed", Cindy says, "I know", i say. "feeling a little bit better?", Matt asked, i nodded. "Just nauseous", i say. "We'll get the stretcher", Jo says, My boyfriend and i's flat is on the ground floor so it makes it easier, it was the only one that we could have for cheap. Jo came back with the stretcher, i held onto my boyfriend."are you coming with us?", Cindy asked Jim. "yeah", he says, "just give me a few to pack a bag", Jim quickly put three months worth of my clothes into a back pack. I was put in the back of the ambulance, I threw up again. "keep taking deep breaths for me", Jo says, Matt has to come because he's part of the crisis team. "if you want to lay on your side, you can", Jo says. "A-Are you sure?", i asked. "yeah", she says. I laid on my side to try and lessen the sickness.Jo checked my sugar levels, I felt my eyes get heavy. "Freddie keep your eyes open", Jo says. "Can't", i slurred my words. "keep your eyes open", she says. I fully lost consciousness.
2 hours later-Kingston Hospital Resus
"Hi sweetheart", I came round to my boyfriend's hand in my hair. "how are you feeling?", he asked. "bit better", i say. "do you know which hospital you're in?", he asked, i shook my head, "Kingston Hospital", he says. "In resus", i nodded. "Matt's talking to a doctor on the psych unit", he says. "tummy hurts", i tell him. "it's going to sweetheart, you took an overdose, it's going to make your tummy hurt", he says. "Can i have tummy rubs?", i asked, rubbing my eyes, "of course you can", he kissed my forehead. He sat on the bed with me, i got tummy rubs."you're on an oxygen mask, IV fluids to keep the nausea settled", he says. "Can i come in?", Matt opened the door, i had been put in a private room. "yeah, he's still coming round", Jim says. "so, i've spoken to a doctor on the psychiatric unit, he's happy for you to go home today, you're not a risk for yourself or others. You will have to stay in today just to be monitored", Matt says. I nodded. "I spoke to the police as well, they're taking off the section 136", he says. A nurse came in to check my vitals. "he's got a bit of a temperature, Thirty nine-five(39.5C)", the nurse says. "does he have any previous history of infections?", She asked my boyfriend."when we first moved into our flat, he came down with stomach flu, spent three days bed bound", Jim says. I had blood taken, "the results should be back soon", the nurse says. "i'll be round on Friday to see how he's doing", Matt says to me and my boyfriend. "that's fine, i don't have college", Jim says. Two hours later, the nurse came in. "he's got stomach flu", The nurse says. The Doctor came in, "i believe you've been told you have stomach flu?", i nodded. "do i have to stay in tonight?", i ask. "No", He says.I was discharged, Me and Jim got a taxi back to the flat building, i paid the fare.
November 12th 2015, Thursday
I slept through the night, my boyfriend's arm around me. "good Morning", He kissed my forehead softly. "Morning", i yawned. "i feel better", i say. "that's good", he says. Jim started to kiss my neck, he slid a hand up my shirt, playing with my nipples. "mm baby", i moaned. "you want it?", i nodded. "please", we stripped each other. We ended up having sex, we had a shower after, i got dressed into a warm hoodie, pair of track bottoms, socks, i brushed my hair, tied it up.