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The goal was to get Taylor to the car without any more damage. It had taken their entire group to wrestle Taylor into her coat, to get her to stop yell-singing the lyrics to random 1975 songs, and to keep her from latching onto Karlie on the way out. Karlie led the way through the slew of photographers, grasping Lily’s hand to pull them through. Lily had instructed Taylor to hold onto some part of her, Taylor opting for an arm slung around her shoulder, still giggling to herself and not paying the crowd any mind. Martha kept close to Taylor’s other side, making sure the intoxicated woman didn’t trip in her heels. The Haim sisters rounded up the group, security trying to clear a path for all of them to the SUV.Karlie stepped aside when the car door opened, ushering Lily to the backseat, Lily’s connection to Taylor forcing the drunk woman to the back as well.The tug elicited a squeal out of Taylor, a complete mess of limbs as she fell onto the seat. “Lil, I wanna sit by Kar!”By far the most sober of the group, Lily shook her head. “No. You need to give her space.”Martha got in on Taylor’s other side, Karlie finally sliding into the middle section. Danielle went all the way up front, Alana and Este sliding in by Karlie.“No fair, Martha, tell Lil she’s being a mood killer,” Taylor drawled, laying her head on Martha’s shoulder.Alana reached back, fingers brushing Taylor’s lips. “Silence drunkard.” She immediately had to snatch her hand back as all Taylor did was snap her teeth in an attempt to bite her.A lull of quiet fell over the car save from the sound of the engine and the low volume of the radio, a welcome decibel level after the roar of a live show.But Taylor couldn’t stay quiet long, pulling her head off of Martha. “Kar, are you mad at me?”Karlie had been keeping a hard gaze out the window, not reacting right away to Taylor’s ask.“Kaaaaaarrrrrr…”Lily intercepted Taylor’s grabby hands that had stretched out in Karlie’s direction. “Hey, stop.”“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,” Karlie said, finally turning around. “I just want to go to bed.”“But are you mad at me?”Este groaned. “Fuck, Taylor.”“Hey, Tay. Why don’t you drink some water?” Martha, who always seemed to have the most patience with drunk Taylor, held up two mini water bottles, effectively distracting her.With the attention off her, Karlie’s head dropped with a sniffle, tears pooling in her eyes. Lily leaned forward to reach over the seat to rub her shoulder softly. “It’s going to be okay.”Karlie shook her head, not able to stop thinking about the consequences of the night. “Tree’s going to kill us. Josh and I…” she stopped to take a breath, trying to stave off more tears, squeezing her eyes shut and whispering, “Tay’s going to freak out tomorrow. We fucked up.”They had and Lily knew there was little she could say that was reassuring./////
Karlie stared in the bathroom mirror, trying to get her eyes to focus so she could fix her lipstick. Her shirt was still untucked and had been rucked up to give Taylor access to more skin. She started with that, pulling the waistband of her jeans so she could shove the shirt back down. Fingers pressing low on her stomach, she was painfully aware how turned on she was. If Danielle hadn’t banged open the door, scaring them apart - Taylor’s hands had been everywhere, up her shirt, blunt nails raking down her back, as she placed hot, opened mouth kisses on her neck. She had just pressed Karlie against the stall wall, starting to work her way down, and had threatened to rip the seam of Karlie’s tight pants so she could feel her, so she could slip her fingers…

“Kloss, get your hands out of your pants. Come on.”

Danielle’s voice snapped Karlie back to her task, finishing smoothing out her top and turning the sink faucet cold. She stuck her hands in before pressing them to her flushed cheeks.

“You’ve been in here way too long and Josh keeps asking where you are, Karlie,” Danielle said, watching both Karlie and Taylor attempt to get their shit together. “If you two wanted to fuck around tonight, you shouldn’t have invited him.”

Taylor leaned over the counter to paint on a fresh coat of red on her lips, smoothing back her tousled hair. “We’ll be back out in a minute, chill.”

“Whatever. I’m not fucking distracting him anymore though. I wanna get drunk, not talk about the DOW or whatever the fuck. He keeps talking about finances. Y’all are on your own.” Danielle pushed back out the door.

Drying her hands, Karlie gave a go at finally fixing her lipstick, while not fully smeared, had mussed around the edges.

Taylor pulled at her skirt and tights, making sure everything was back in place before stopping and watching Karlie. “You’re good, Kar. It looks fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“You look gorgeous.” Grabbing Karlie and turning her to face her, Taylor let her hands snake back into Karlie’s hair, pulling her face closer. “You always look perfect.”

Karlie knew she should pull away, they had just made themselves presentable again. But she closed the gap between them, pressing her lips into Taylor’s.

Taylor moved to kiss up Karlie’s jaw, only stopping to talk. “You’re staying over tonight, right?”

“Yeah,” Karlie breathed out, Taylor’s voice in her ear sending a shiver down her spine.

“Good.” Taylor snuck another quick kiss to Karlie’s lips before pulling away.

Karlie gave herself another moment, watching Taylor walk away. She gave a last glance to the mirror, the peck not having re-ruined her lips. There was an obvious mark of red on her neck. Licking two of her fingers, she rubbed at it half-heartedly before spinning on her heel and going back out to the music.

Josh spotted Karlie immediately. Danielle hadn’t been kidding, he didn’t look happy at all, brows furrowed. “Are you going to spend any time with me?”

“I was peeing,” Karlie said when he was finally in front of her, matching his irritated look.

“For twenty minutes?”

“I fixed my makeup too.” Letting her eyes wander over Josh’s shoulder, Karlie watched as Taylor leaned over the private bar in their section, ordering another drink, her skirt riding up, revealing more of her sheer tight covered legs.

Josh turned, following her gaze. “Are you fucking kidding?”

Tearing her eyes away from Taylor’s ass, Karlie licked her lips. “What?”

“Don’t act stupid around me, you know I can’t stand that.” Josh at least had the decency to close the distance between them, keeping his voice only loud enough for her to hear, not drawing attention to them. “You’ve got lipstick all over your god damn neck,” he hissed.

“No I don’t,” Karlie tried, rubbing again at the mark she knew was still there, moving her hair forward in a half-assed attempt at covering it.

Josh shook his head, eyes rolling. “I’m not an idiot, Karlie. I was fine with the over-publicized friendship, the two of you parading around the city. I’m okay saying that it was a good move for your career. But you don’t need to fuck Taylor Swift to get ahead.”

Giving in to her knee jerk reaction, Karlie shoved Josh away from her. “We didn’t fuck in the bathroom.”

The shove was enough to alert Lily to the commotion, stopping her conversation with Martha and coming to Karlie’s side.

Giving Karlie an incredulous look, pieces clicking, Josh took a step forward. “Not in the bathroom now, but you have fucked her?”

Wrapping an arm around Karlie protectively, Lily shot daggers Josh’s way. “Need I remind you two that we are in public? Does this seem like a good place for this kind of fight?”

Josh held up his hands. “We’re not fighting. Her lack of response tells me everything I need to know. I’m leaving.”

“Joshua…” Words failed as Karlie had nothing to say beyond his name, knowing he wasn’t wrong and not being ready or sober enough to explain.

With another head shake, Josh pulled his phone out. “You’re drunk. I’m calling a car. We can talk tomorrow.” Putting the phone to his ear, he walked towards the exit.

All Karlie could do was stare as Josh disappeared.

“Hey.” Lily put a hand to the back of Karlie’s head to make her look her in the eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I…” Karlie tried to let the gravity of what had happened settle. She may have blown up her long term relationship, simultaneously outing herself and Taylor, mostly Taylor since Karlie wasn’t even sure if she liked women aside from Taylor. She didn’t want to think about it. Josh was right, she was drunk. And the ache between her legs lingered. “I want a shot of tequila.”

Face still etched in concern, Lily dropped her hand to the small of Karlie’s back, starting for the bar. “Shot of tequila it is.”

Martha flanked Karlie’s other side as they bellied up to the bar. “We’re drinking tequila?”

“We are,” Karlie said decidedly. She let herself lean into Lily as things were poured, tossing the shot back without waiting for a countdown or cheers. No sooner had she downed it, when there was a pinch at her waist.

It was Taylor, a goofy smile on her face when Karlie whirled around. She pulled Karlie away and back towards the balcony. “Did your dumb boyfriend leave?”

Forgoing the details of his departure, Karlie just nodded. Ignoring Lily’s warning look as she was pulled away, she let Taylor take her to the railing, letting the added buzz of the tequila wash over her, feeling languid and loose as Taylor kept a grip on her midsection.

Down below, the band was readying for the next song, Matty suddenly pointing up at the balcony. “This song goes out to Taylor Swift.”

The opening synths started, the band launching into fallingforyou. Karlie let herself move to the music as Taylor giggled at the shoutout, giving an enthusiastic wave before tucking her head into the crook of Karlie’s neck. “I can’t believe he did that.”

“You know him, Tay, right?” Martha asked, coming up to the railing as well.

Lifting her head back out but not loosening her grip, Taylor nodded. “Met him last month.”

“And you’ve already got him dedicating songs to you, wow.” Martha poked at Taylor’s shoulder. “Someone’s popular.”

Squirming away from Martha’s touch, Taylor’s hand snaked up the back of Karlie’s shirt, hand gripping at her warm skin. “I may or may not have hooked up with him before the show. Be normal about it.”

Decidedly not feeling normal about it, Karlie’s stomach dropped. Taylor had met them at the venue and she had never thought to ask why she was already there. It wasn’t unbeknownst to Karlie that Taylor was allowed to have sex with other people. They weren’t exclusive and she herself was walking around with a whole ass boyfriend, albeit maybe not for much longer. Though it didn’t stop the jealousy from flooding her mind - to know that the floppy haired rockstar down below had had Taylor earlier that same day. That Taylor had even wanted to be with him.

“Dance with me.” Interrupting the spiral, Taylor was dangerously close to Karlie’s face again, looking at her expectantly, fingertips drumming against Karlie’s back. “If you have another shot, will you dance with me?”

“Taylor…”

Taylor nuzzled her face into Karlie’s collarbone, lips against her skin as she asked again, “Please?”

Heat thrumming in her lower abdomen, Karlie forced herself to pull away, the skin where her lips had touched practically burning. “Yes. My god. Come on.”

“Yay!”

With another round of tequila for Karlie, tequila followed by whiskey for Taylor because she insisted on them matching but didn’t want to not have her usual favorite, the two of them returned back to the edge of the balcony. Latched onto Karlie, Taylor moved right into head banging to Girls, jumping around as much as her heels allowed her to, holding onto Karlie’s hand that was slung over her shoulder.

Karlie let herself be at the whim of Taylor’s movement, hips swaying to the beat. She couldn’t help but watch her instead of the band below, short blonde hair wild as she whipped it around, the widest smile plastered to her face, fingers squeezing Karlie’s.

Singing along loudly, Taylor reached over and put a hand to Karlie’s cheek. The lights went low and Taylor buried her head back into Karlie, this time, lips purposely pressing into her skin. Her kisses were wet as they trailed upwards and Karlie’s eyes slid shut as Taylor got to her jaw, leaning her head back to give her more access. Completely lost in it, Karlie could barely hear the music anymore and suddenly, Taylor’s lips were on hers, all whiskey and the chemical bitterness of her lip stain. She licked at Karlie’s bottom lip, not hesitating as soon as Karlie parted her mouth open. A groan built in the back of Karlie’s throat when the lights flashed back on. The lights. They were front and center on a balcony in a crowded room and the lights were back.

Cheeks heating up, ears buzzing as her heart climbed up her throat, Karlie pulled away. She kept her hips moving, letting Taylor keep hold of her hand and even tightened her arm around her shoulder. She had no idea what just happened.

Taylor was none the wiser, dopey grin on her face as she hip bumped Karlie off beat. As the song wrapped up, she broke off from Karlie, basically twirling out of her grasp. “I’m getting another drink.” She flounced off before Karlie could get a word in edgewise.

Alone, it was like Karlie could feel the loss of warmth from where Taylor had been pressed against her. She gripped the balcony railing for a moment, trying to take a deep breath, looking at the sea of people below. People with phones, people whose eyes weren’t solely focused on the stage. People who very likely could have been watching them instead. Kissing. Karlie felt her face get hot and she pushed off the railing, walking quickly back to the bathrooms, not missing Taylor at the bar, straw chugging from the same glass as Alana of what looked to be a vodka soda.

The bathroom was empty, thank god. Karlie huffed out an exhale, pushing her hair from her face. Her lipstick was fucked up. Again. And the red on her neck was still there, the red that Josh saw. Moving her hair fully out of the way, Taylor had marked up the other side too. What good was expensive makeup if it was going to rub off everywhere? She flipped the tap on, grabbing a wad of paper towels to wet and scrub at the smeared lip marks. The towels were rough and she was rubbing too hard, her skin immediately reddening to the point where she couldn’t tell if she was even making a difference.

“Karlie?” Lily pushed through the door, voice gentle. “Thought I saw you rush in here. Martha just said you and Tay were making out in front of everyone.”

“We were dancing,” Karlie tried, though her tone wouldn’t have even convinced herself.

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Martha said Tay had her tongue in your mouth and I’m inclined to believe her.”

Karlie abandoned her paper towel wad, slumping over with her elbows on the counter, hands in her hair. “We were dancing,” she repeated. “And then Tay just, I don’t know, the lights were down. Do you think people saw?”

“Sweetie, the lights might have gone down, but at no point was it pitch dark. If Martha saw, there is a very good chance others did too,” Lily answered honestly.

It was what Karlie appreciated about Lily, she didn’t beat around the bush, gave things straight up. But it didn’t stop a lump from lodging itself in her throat. “I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t… I mean, you saw, Josh knows and I still…” Karlie let herself take a breath. “I don’t know what to do. Taylor just exists around me and it’s like I lose all sense of morality. I didn’t even want to push her away when she kissed me out there,” Karlie admitted. “I let her and I didn’t care.”

“But you knew she’d care?”

Karlie nodded miserably. “If she was sober right now, I doubt she would have even danced near me.”

“She’s absolutely knackered right now. Not like you’re doing too much better, Klossy. You’ve got your drunk eyes on.” Lily motioned towards Karlie’s face. “That’s always your tell, babe.”

“Nuh uh.” Karlie pushed back from the counter. “I need more tequila.”

“No you don’t.” Lily stopped Karlie with a hand to her shoulder. “Anyways, we’re not leaving this bathroom until I get that lipstick off your neck. Hold on.” Digging in her clutch, she pulled out a travel-pack makeup wipe. “Hah, knew I had one.”

“Thanks Lil.” Karlie deflated, leaning against the wall as Lily started wiping her down gently.

Lily’s tongue poked to the side of her mouth, it always did when she was concentrating. “Was Taylor trying to devour you? This is literally everywhere.”

“She…” Karlie’s mind wandered, back in the stall behind her now with Taylor’s thigh wedged between her legs, putting pressure on her center as she nipped and sucked at her pulse point, soothing each spot over with her tongue. And then just before. “She was enthusiastic.”

“Um, yeah. Some of this is not lipstick.” Lily smirked. “There we go.” She finished, throwing the wipe out. “Let’s get you some water and you stick with me the rest of the night, okay?”

Karlie nodded, taking Lily’s offered hand and following her out, getting blasted by the roar of the music. It was rare that Karlie actually felt her age, years younger than those around her. But as Lily maneuvered them through people, Karlie felt small, scared as it seemed like everyone was staring at her as they passed, like they all knew. She pressed herself closer to Lily, following her over to where Danielle was, already sipping on a water. Danielle pushed a condensation covered glass into Karlie’s hands as she plopped down on a barstool, Karlie taking the straw between her teeth.

Taylor was still oblivious, continuing to have the time of her life, Alana her new dance partner of choice. Karlie could only watch as the two screamed the lyrics at each other, jumping and grinding on one another in a way that was clearly just friendly. Nothing close to how Taylor had been with her. There was no way people hadn’t noticed. And there were so many people. Karlie should have pushed Taylor away. She could have stopped it, she should have stopped it.
Karlie’s phone pinged. She hadn’t checked it all night but now needed the distraction. There was a message from Josh - a, ‘Call me when you’re up tomorrow.’ Despite just being a text, it felt just as cold and firm as his exit had been. Karlie swiped it away. The other notification, the one that had just come through, was a Google alert for her name. She wasn’t proud of it, but she liked to know what was being said about her, good and bad. The latest headline was enough to put a rock in her stomach.
Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss more than just besties? Gal pals caught locking lips at The 1975.
/////Traffic had subdued the energy of the car. Alana had more or less passed out with her head on Este’s shoulder. Taylor had contorted her body enough to lay in Martha’s lap. She’d been on her phone, scrolling on her tumblr, giggling to herself as she liked posts. She had since abandoned the phone, face pressing into Martha’s coat as Martha carded her fingers through her hair. Lily was slumped against the back window, arm reaching through the side gap to hold Karlie’s hand. Karlie was leaned back against the headrest, toying with Lily’s fingers.The turn into the open garage and full stop of the car was a gentle jolt to get everyone moving again. “We’re back, ladies,” Samuel, Taylor’s driver, announced.With the garage door safely closed, Danielle was out first, pulling open the back door to let everyone else out. “That edible hit me like a sack of bricks, I’m so fucking tired.”Martha looked appalled, waiting for the middle row to file out. “When the hell did you take edibles and why didn’t I get one?” She coaxed Taylor up out of her lap, leaning her onto Lily so she could step out.“They’re in my pocket and you can have one right now.” Alana reached into the pocket of her pants, pulling out a plastic baggie with three gummies in it. “They’re a little warm.”“The orange one is the best,” Taylor slurred as she basically ragdolled, Lily trying to get her out of the car.Grabbing onto Taylor’s limp arms, Karlie put them around her neck, squatting down so she could physically lift Taylor out and onto the concrete. “Use your feet,” she mumbled, as Taylor was dead weight against her, making them both stumble.Este stepped in to help steady them both. “They all taste the same, you drunk ass.”Lily finally was able to get out, shutting the door and herding everyone inside and into the elevator. “All of you need water.”“And snacks,” Alana added./////Taylor broke away from Karlie, only made it as far as the couch before face planting into the cushions.“I’m going to bed,” Danielle announced at the same time Alana proclaimed, “We should make grilled cheeses!”The girls dispersed throughout the apartment - Alana and Lily scrounging around the kitchen, Danielle indeed going to bed, Este, Martha and Karlie all changing into sweats.Karlie washed her face free of makeup, stealing her favorite of Taylor’s crewnecks, a worn Philadelphia Eagles sweatshirt. Back out in the living room, Lily had Taylor sitting up, taking off her heels and helping her out of her coat.Taylor’s eyes brightened when she saw Karlie come in. “Come sit by me now?”Karlie stopped across from the couch, raising her brows, resolve quickly breaking. She was more frustrated than mad at the woman. The article was out there, and even though she didn’t dare look, she was sure social media was blowing up. And Taylor was blissfully unaware, mascara coming off around her eyes, skirt bunching in the middle from the way she was laying. She reached for Karlie, smiling lazily as Lily moved to go hang the coat up.“Please, Kar?”Softening, Karlie tucked her hands in the sleeve of the sweatshirt. “Yeah, scoot over.”Taylor flashed a toothy grin in success and wiggled to move further down the couch, moving enough to free up a cushion. Reaching her arms over her head, she encircled Karlie’s thigh, pulling to press it to the top of her head. The position was ridiculously awkward, but Taylor seemed content.Este and Martha coming back, Lily started doling out cups of water, setting bowls with various snacks on the coffee table. The scent of toasting butter and melting cheese filled the apartment - Alana eventually emerging with a large plate stacked with sandwiches.Karlie had two sandwiches, trying her best to not drop crumbs in Taylor’s hair. They were perfectly browned, overly processed white bread and what was likely Kraft singles.Taylor refused to sit upright, Martha resorting to hand feeding her pretzel sticks and ripped up pieces of grilled cheese. Forever the mom friend, Lily had found a travel tumbler with a straw for Taylor’s water, Martha offering sips between the bits of carbs.The TV was flipped on, late night Friends reruns the easy choice. Lily was the next to drop, collecting empty cups and used napkins before retiring to her designated guest room. Barely an episode later, Alana tapped out.Martha poked at Karlie’s calf at the next commercial break. “What do you say we tag team getting our drunk girlie into bed?”Taylor still had an arm looped around Karlie’s thigh, her cheek fully smushed into the couch cushion, eyes shut. “No moving.”“Yes moving.” Martha poked at Taylor’s nose making her twitch. “You’re still in your tights and friends don’t let friends sleep in their makeup.”“It’s late, Tay.” It was late, already after two in the morning. Karlie brushed the hair away from Taylor’s face. “I’ll go to bed with you, come on.”Taylor harrumphed, letting go of Karlie’s leg and sitting up, her eyes unfocused, but open.Este dropped her legs from where they were propped up on the ottoman. “Martha, I thought you were gonna be my snuggle buddy tonight.”“I am!”Este smirked. “Good.”“Alright, let’s go.” Not trusting Taylor to get up herself, Karlie hoisted her to her feet. She herself was a lot more alert after water and a snack, Taylor was arguably just more wobbly.Martha trailed them to Taylor’s room. “You wanna get her pajamas, I’ll handle makeup?”Karlie nodded, Taylor was ridiculously picky about what she wore to bed. “Heads up, she is barely helping with the whole walking thing.” She waited until Martha looked ready before transferring Taylor over.Taylor groaned when she was out of Karlie’s arms. “Kar, I don’t want pants.”“I know, go with Martha.”Karlie split off to go to the walk in closet, Martha dragging Taylor the rest of the way to the bathroom. “Where you sitting, babes?” Martha asked, flicking on the light.“Floor.” Taylor tried to drop right where they were standing, Martha struggling to catch her.“No, god, at least let me…” Martha managed to get Taylor close enough to the vanity to prop her up against the lower cabinet. “There you go.”Taylor’s legs splayed out in front of her, posture drooping before her whole body jolted with a hiccup. It was enough to make hair fall in her face, Taylor reaching a heavy arm to push it away. “Where’s Karlie?”Martha shook her head, Taylor so clearly out of it. “Getting you pajamas, you dork.” She located makeup remover and cotton rounds in one of the drawers, soaking a round and squatting down to Taylor’s level.Taylor scrunched her face as Martha got to work wiping off the caked on foundation, stained red on her lips, really having to rub at her eyeliner. “I don’t want pants,” she repeated, hiccuping again as Martha grabbed another round.“She knows, don’t worry.” Martha held an anchoring hand against Taylor’s head to keep her in place. Taylor slumped down further, making the job more difficult. “Tay… stay put.”Jerking upright with a louder hiccup, Taylor forced Martha’s hand away. “I don’t feel very good.”Martha abandoned the cotton rounds on the counter. “Shit, okay. Hold on.” She helped Taylor basically crawl across the floor to the toilet, getting her head positioned over the open bowl. “There you go, babe.”Arms wrapping around the seat, Taylor’s next hiccup turned into a gag.Martha gathered Taylor’s hair, holding it in a makeshift ponytail. “Karlie!”“I'm right here, why are you- oh.” Karlie stopped in the doorway, picked out clothing in hand.Taylor groaned, lurching forward with a retch, Martha having to catch her head with her free hand.Setting the clothes on the counter, Karlie joined the other two on the floor, taking over the hair holding. “I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to get sick.”“I thought we had staved it off for her with the water and snac- oh my god,” Martha interrupted herself, pulling her hand back as Taylor curled over with a particularly loud retch, stomach contents emptying into the bowl.Karlie started to rub circles on Taylor’s back gently. “Tay was mixing drinks, always a recipe for disaster.”“And substances.” Martha winced as Taylor vomited again. “Didn’t she have one of the gummies?”“Yeah. A full one too, I think.”“Nuh uh, just a half,” Taylor spoke up, in a moment of reprieve to defend herself, voice muffled and echoed with her face buried in the porcelain bowl.“Sorry, just a half,” Karlie corrected for Taylor’s sake, despite her current state and that she’d likely not have any memory of the conversation.“I’m gonna go get her some water,” Martha said, standing up. “You got her for a second?”“Yup.” Karlie adjusted her hold on Taylor’s hair as she groaned, lolling her head to the side.“This is gross.” Taylor spat in the toilet before collapsing back into Karlie.Karlie reached to unroll a bit of toilet paper, cleaning up Taylor’s face, wiping the vomit from her chin and snot from her nose, knowing Taylor would inevitably try to snuggle up against her. She was right, Taylor burying face in Karlie’s chest as soon as she pulled the tissue away, tossing it in the bowl. “Are you done throwing up?”Instead of answering the question, Taylor dug further into Karlie. “I want water.”“Martha is getting you some,” Karlie said gently, scooting back to lean against the wall, needing something to anchor herself from Taylor’s aggressive snuggle. Taylor moved with her, tights clad legs slipping against the tile. “You okay for me to get these concert clothes off you?”Taylor let out a chuckle. “Just say you want me naked, Kar. Pretty risky though since Martha’s gonna be right back with my water.” Her slurred, awful flirting attempt was punctuated by another hiccup.“I’m going to put pajamas on you,” Karlie said with a huff. “You need to tell me if you’re going to throw up anymore, okay?” She moved Taylor off of her so she was sitting on her own, getting the clothes she had put on the counter and getting to work taking off her skirt.“You know your eyes turn gray when you’re mad,” Taylor mused as Karlie tugged her tights off. “Like a stormy ocean.”“Yeah? Not a stormy sea?” Karlie asked, mentioning the obvious alliteration as she tossed the tights aside. They were likely trash, multiple runs and snags having ruined the fabric.“Mmhmm.” Taylor gave a heavy nod through Karlie pulling her top off. “But when I kissed you tonight they were blue. Dark blue.”Karlie bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from visibly reacting. She hated it. That even as a sick, drunken mess, emphasis on the mess, Taylor still had the ability to make her go mush on the inside.“Dark blue is so pretty, cobalt, midnight blue,” Taylor babbled as Karlie unhooked her bra, slipping it off her arms. “But my favorite is in the sunshine, ‘cuz in the sunshine…” she had to pause to hiccup, Karlie getting the large henley shirt she had picked out over her head. “The sun makes them turn green. Like aurola bor-” she scrunched her face as Karlie got one arm in. “Aurora boree, bora?” Screwing her eyes shut, she pushed away from Karlie as soon as she got the second arm through the other sleeve. “Okay maybe I am gonna throw up again.”Finishing pulling the shirt down to cover Taylor, Karlie got her draped over the toilet again, returning to her hair holding duties.“Water delivery,” Martha announced, coming back in with Este trailing behind her.“I told her not to get cross-faded,” Este tutted, sinking down next to Karlie. “This is what always happens.”Martha grabbed a section of floor as well, passing the water glass over to Karlie. “Like she’s ever going to listen to you.”“Este’s not my mom,” Taylor choked out.“And what would sweet Andrea say about your current state, Taylor Alison?” Este shot back.Taylor swallowed pointedly, turning her head away from the toilet bowl. “My daughter’s a fuckin’ lightweight.”Este scoffed. “If you were a lightweight, you would literally be dead right now. You put an obscene amount of alcohol in your body.” She gave Taylor’s leg a good natured squeeze. “Gonna go ahead and assume you didn’t eat a proper dinner tonight either.”The following silence was response enough from Taylor, a wave of guilt washing over Karlie. It was the worst kept secret in their group that Taylor had a shitty relationship with food - while she was usually better at eating around the group, she had a tendency to skip meals when left to her own devices. Left on her own, she apparently chose having sex with a ratty, British musician over dinner. Karlie and the rest of the girls had spent three hours eating tapas at a Spanish place prior to the show. She hadn’t even thought of asking Taylor if she’d eaten as she had watched her down drinks throughout the night.But no one had asked and no one had stopped her - Taylor lurching back over the bowl, just throwing up liquid./////Head against the tiled wall of the bathroom, Karlie hit her phone home button to check the time. She stifled a yawn, trying to adjust her sitting position without jostling Taylor’s head in her lap too much, petting her hair when Taylor let out a small moan at the movement.“We can stay up with her if you wanna go to bed, Kar,” Martha offered, gesturing to herself and Este.“No.” Karlie shook her head. “I want to stay with her, I don’t know if this is the last…” she sighed. “Just, it’s fine. I’m good.”“Okay, I didn’t want to say anything in the car, but what the hell do you think is going to happen tomorrow?” Este asked.“Is it because she had sex with Matty?”Este’s face twisted. “When the fuck did she have sex with Matty?”“Before the show, before we all got there,” Karlie said softly.“Wait.” Este held up a hand. “Is that why you brought Josh?”“No, I had always planned on bringing Josh. I wanted him to hang out with everybody more.”Este and Martha shared a look, Martha giving a shrug and Este turning back to look at Karlie.“What?”“I’m just trying to make sense of everything here,” Este started. “Tay pre-show booty called with Matty before you brought Josh to come spend some quality time with our shit show group. But after a wee bit of booze, you and Taylor decided to go at it in the bathroom? Danielle said you all were practically fucking when she came in.”Feeling more than a little judged, Karlie’s stare hardened. “Taylor and I…” Still not fully sober, Karlie’s throat choked up with the want to cry and she snapped her mouth shut, lower lip trembling.“Hey.” Martha reached over, rubbing Karlie’s arm. “I know things are complicated. We’re not chastising what you have with Tay.”“Yeah. Kar, I am the last person who is going to preach superior morality to you,” Este jumped in. “I genuinely just don’t know what the fuck happened tonight and why you’re acting like this is your last night ever with Taylor.”Trying to keep herself together, Karlie nodded, a soft sob slipping out. She pressed her palms under her eyes to quell the tears. “Everything is gonna be different, I just feel it. We got careless and now Josh is pissed at me. He didn’t know about me and Tay until tonight.”“How?” Este was shocked.“He’s busy.” Karlie shrugged. “And I’ve always been touchy and affectionate with friends. But I was stupid and I don’t know what he’s going to say tomorrow and Tree is going to flip out. Who knows what her team is going to put out to cover this up. We ruined things.” Karlie wasn’t able to hold back the next sob, face crumpling. “We have all this stuff for Vogue coming out soon too. And the VS show. This is so bad.”Martha pulled Karlie into a one armed hug. “Sweetie, it might not be that bad. You don’t even know who saw.”Karlie sniffed through another sob. “It’s on the internet already, people saw us kiss.”Este reached into her back pocket for her phone, typing away. “Okay, okay. Wait, Karlie this looks like it was shot on a fucking flip phone.” She turned the phone around to show the screen. “It’s super low quality, babe, you can barely tell it’s the two of you.”“There’s video of us dancing too that you can definitely tell is us. People are writing articles.” Karlie knew the photos weren’t overly incriminating, but it was enough. Tree would have to do damage control, Taylor making sure she stayed deep inside the closet where she wanted to be. Karlie scrunched her face, trying and failing to fight back the next sob. “I don’t want things to change,” she managed. Just drunk enough still to lack control over her emotions, the tears just kept coming, Karlie’s nose starting to run.Martha plucked a few tissues from above the toilet, handing them over. “You think this is going to change your relationship with Taylor?”Karlie nodded, wiping at her nose with the tissues. She couldn’t really figure out how to properly articulate everything swirling around in her head. The notion that Josh knew about the affair somehow made her want to hold onto him tighter. That even if she could make herself let Josh go, she wasn't even sure she’d want a monogamous relationship with Taylor - because they’d never had one. Because Taylor, while privately out as bisexual, did love the protection of her public closet. And beyond that, had made it clear to Karlie for the past year that everything with Dianna had made her scared to commit again, that she was having fun being with new people. Despite Karlie knowing that aside from tonight with Matty, ‘new people’ had just been her since Big Sur. Which is probably why the knowledge of the hookup stung so much. Why him and why now?Karlie’s rambling inner thought process was interrupted by Taylor curling into herself with a groan on her lap, breath hitching.Martha was quicker than Karlie, maneuvering Taylor up and over the toilet, pulling back her hair as she was violently ill again. “Get it all up, Tay. We’ve got ya.”With Taylor off her lap, Karlie pulled her knees to her chest, tears still flowing. Somehow, Martha being the one to comfort Taylor instead of her was enough to keep her crying.“Karlie, come here.” Este scooted away from where she was leaning against the vanity, holding her arms out.Karlie gulped back another sob, closing the short distance between them, letting Este pull her into a hug as she let herself fall apart.“I didn’t realize you were this drunk too.” Este held Karlie tight, rubbing her back. “Kar, it really is going to be okay.”/////The room was bathed in early morning sun as Karlie’s eyes cracked open. Stifling a groan, she squeezed them shut again. Pressing her fingertips into the swollen skin, it did little to ease the burning dryness after effect of her drunk crying from the night before. Her mouth was just as dry and she sat up, reaching for the glass of water on the side table, chugging half of it down.A phone buzzed noisily with a call from the other bedside table, Martha having had the good sense to plug in both girls’ phones before they went to bed. The vibration against the wood was enough to accentuate the ache spreading behind Karlie’s forehead. It’s probably what had woken her up.It hadn’t caused Taylor to stir yet, still dead asleep, cheek smushed against the edge of her pillow, mouth breathing with blonde hair sticking to her sweaty forehead.The noise stopped, Karlie letting herself sink back against her own pillow, willing the water she just drank to clear her head. She had just let her eyes slip shut again when the buzzing started right back up. “What the hell?” Sitting herself back up and craning a look over at the table, it was Taylor’s phone that was lit up - Tree was calling. Staring at it with bleary eyes, Karlie watched it ring through, going back to the lock screen. It was 8:09 and Tree had called eleven times. “Taylor.” She nudged at Taylor’s calf with her foot under the covers.Taylor groaned, flipping to her other side.The phone lit up again and the buzzing felt like it was getting stronger. Karlie cleared her throat and tried louder. “Taylor.” Another foot to leg nudge.“Shut it off,” Taylor moaned, voice coming out weak and raspy.“It’s Tree.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Taylor made no signs of moving and Karlie was pretty sure her head was going to explode if she had to hear the vibrating ring one more time. She chose whatever scolding Tree was about to unleash, reaching over Taylor and grabbing the phone.“Hi Tree.”There was a sigh of relief on the other end. “Karlie, please tell me Taylor is with you.”“She is,” Karlie confirmed, watching as Taylor curled up in a ball under the sheets, pulling her pillow over her head.“And you’re both at the apartment?” Tree followed up. “The Tribeca apartment?”“Um, yeah…?” Karlie’s voice lilted up. Where else would they be?“Great. Yeah, they’re here,” Tree’s voice was muffled as she spoke to whoever else she was with.Karlie rubbed at her eyes again with her free hand. “Are you here?”“I’m next door with the security team. I don’t know how much you’ve seen Karlie, but the sooner I can speak to both of you, the better,” Tree said.Swallowing, Karlie tossed the blanket aside and brought her knees to her chest, a wave of nausea washing over her. Here it was. “I… I've seen some.”Tree’s tone softened. “Honey, is it okay if I pop over now? Can you come let me in?”“Yeah, sure.” Karlie glanced over at Taylor again, head still under the pillow. “I’ll see you in a minute.” She hung up, getting to her feet and fighting through the brief spell of lightheadedness. Tree wasn’t audibly mad, a very good sign. Though after what Karlie had seen last night, she didn’t know why. Tree already being in the building so early and blowing up Taylor’s phone told a different story.God, she was hungover.Karlie slipped the joggers she had discarded before getting into bed back on, moving slowly through the quiet apartment to open the main door.Large bag on one arm, tablet already out and tucked in the other, Tree was dressed more casually than Karlie had ever seen her, jeans and a Tennessee Titans hoodie, a pair of thick rimmed glasses sliding down her nose. She gave a wry smile. “Karlie…”If Karlie’s eyes were as swollen as they felt, she was sure she looked horrible, red and puffy. “Taylor’s still sleeping, she’s, well we’re both I guess, kind of hungover,” she downplayed as she stepped aside to let Tree in.“Why don’t you get her up, I’ll make a pot of coffee,” Tree motioned over to the kitchen.“Okay, that’d be great. Be right back.” Running her hands through her hair, Karlie started back for the bedroom. Tree’s continuing and surprising air of calm was only serving in setting her nerves on fire.Taylor had spread out in bed in Karlie’s absence, more or less starfished across the mattress. The blanket was twisted, just covering her midsection.“Tay. Tree’s here.” Karlie stood at the foot of the bed, clearing her throat before saying, “She needs to talk to us.”“I feel like I got hit by a fucking bus,” Taylor rasped, not moving still, voice hoarse and gravelly. “Tree’s here, like ‘in my apartment’ here?”Karlie pulled the blanket off of Taylor, figuring the lack of warmth would get her up faster. It barely worked, Taylor curling herself into a ball on the bare top sheet with a groan. “She’s making coffee and waiting for us.” Karlie’s head still pounding, she didn’t know how much Taylor remembered from the night before and having to be the one to break the news made her want to burst into tears. Again. “People saw us last night.”“Saw us at the concert?” Taylor unfolded, propping herself up on her elbows, staring at Karlie with barely opened eyes.Pushing back the lump in her throat, Karlie shook her head. “Saw us kissing.” “What?! Taylor fully sat up with a jolt, face twisting as soon as she was upright. “Fuck me, when the hell did we…” she fell back against the pillow, hands going to cover her face, with a pointed gasp. “During Girls. I… I kissed you? Are there photos? Did I fucking out myself? Are we - did you - oh my god.” Her voice gruffer with each word, her chest visibly heaved as she worked to pull oxygen to her lungs.“Tay.” Karlie grasped her arms pulling her up and into a hug as she plopped down on the mattress. “Breathe,” she murmured, continuing soft anecdotes, the same ones she always repeated for Taylor’s moments of panic. Ones that she used far too often these days. They worked, Taylor eventually getting a better grip on inhaling and exhaling regularly, staving off an actual attack, clammy forehead pressing against Karlie’s neck. “Good, babe. So good.” Karlie pressed a kiss into blonde bedhead.“How mad is Tree?” Taylor whispered, squeezing at Karlie’s hand three times - an unspoken thanks.“Not mad per se, maybe kind of anxious, apologetic. She seems kind of in business mode. I don’t think we made her job easy today. I know there’s already…” Karlie hesitated, apprehensive to reveal more after she had just calmed Taylor down. “There were already articles about us late last night.”“Bad ones?”“I don’t know, that’s why we need to talk to her. Come on.”Taylor was shaky as she pulled back from Karlie. “I, um, I probably need pants.”“Probably.” Karlie grabbed a pair of shorts from Taylor’s dresser and tossed them over, letting Taylor use her arm to steady herself as she pulled them up her legs. “Do you want water?”Taylor got the shorts pulled up all the way. “Yeah.”Karlie passed over the other full glass from the bedside table, taking the glass she had started in on too, gulping the rest of it down.“Thanks.” Taylor took a tentative sip from her glass, grimacing and she worked to swallow.“You good?” It felt like a stupid question, Taylor still looked ashen, hand holding the glass trembling. Karlie reached for her shoulder, rubbing her thumb lightly over Taylor’s exposed collarbone.The next sip seemed to go down easier for Taylor, following up with another, bigger drink. “My voice,” she croaked, the water not having helped.Karlie continued the light caress with her thumb, treading delicately. “You were yelling.. at the concert. And when we got back here, I don’t know how much you remember, you were pretty gone. You threw up. Like, a lot.”“That checks out,” Taylor said, wrinkling her nose. “I remember some, I think. You putting this on me,” she gestured to her shirt. “And the puking. I’m sorry.” She took another sip, pulling another face as it went down. “My throat fucking hurts. Add it to the list of things Tree is going to kill me about. I have a show tonight.”Karlie knew that, Taylor had told her as much at some point. Taylor was supposed to fly to LA this morning. In all of the chaos, she had forgotten. No wonder Tree was already there.Taylor put the water down, taking her phone instead. “Let’s get this over with.”/////The coffee has been enough to get Martha and Este out of their room, the two corralling the rest of the girls up and out of the apartment, squeezing hugs and cheek kisses to both Taylor and Karlie on their way out.Tree had prepped mugs of coffee, sitting on coasters on the coffee table as they settled on the living room couch.Trading her coffee mug for her trusty tablet, Tree pushed her glasses to the top of her head. “Alright girls, before we start anything, I want to hear it from you. What happened last night?”“Which part?” Taylor asked.“Well, I have Matthew’s publicist asking what kind of comment we would like to share. That you were backstage prior to the song dedication…” Tree scrolled her screen. “If we approve of People publishing that the two of you were close, seen hanging out and sharing a few kisses.”Karlie failed in holding back rolling her eyes.Taylor folded her arms across her chest. “Not approved. And honestly, I’d really like if we stopped pushing the narrative of Matty and I.”“Did something happen?”Karlie let herself lean forward. Taylor had seemed fine, if not a bit delighted when admitting the hookup before. She hadn’t thought to ask about it more, she wasn’t necessarily itching for details on how Matty was in bed.“The t-shirt thing was cute, all the boys were fun in studio the other week…” Taylor trailed off, starting to pick at her cuticles. She took a second before looking up at Tree. “We hooked up and it wasn’t good. He was high and he finished fast, and I just, I’d rather not continue to be associated with him.”With that, Karlie did have more follow up questions. Tree, however, did not. “Done. I will let his team know as soon as we’re finished here.” Tapping at the screen, she moved to her next tab. “Okay, not that I need the confirmation after everything I’ve seen, but I do want to hear it from you two. Were you kissing?”Head dropping in a nod, Karlie’s “yes,” mixed with Taylor’s raspy “uh huh.”Tree let out a slow breath. “I’ve had the team scrub the clearest videos that we found, but we weren’t able to stop any of the pictures from going out. Preliminary articles all dropped last night and we’ve been flooded with requests for comment.” She let the tablet fall in her lap. “Is it overstepping for me to ask why the two of you were kissing?”“Yes,” Taylor replied without skipping a beat. They had agreed early on to not tell Tree they were sleeping together. To tell no one./////

March 2014, Big Sur, CA

”Is it bad that I don’t want to leave?” Taylor called out, sprawled on their unmade bed as Karlie worked to zip up her suitcase. “LA is where the responsibilities are.”

“The responsibilities are a’calling, nothing we can do about that,” Karlie said, yanking at the zipper to no avail. She wasn’t keen on leaving the blissed out bubble they had created either.

/////

They’d started the road trip with every cliche - taking turns driving, trying to use a physical map before giving in to the need of an iPhone GPS, raiding gas stations at each stop for junky chips and candy. They’d hiked, biked, and hit up antique shops and bakeries. All the while, growing closer than Karlie had really been with anyone in a long time.

An hour after they had made it out of LA, Taylor had shyly passed over an unmarked CD case, asking Karlie to put it in the rental car player. She had tried and failed to keep a smile off her face as the first song of her brand new album had echoed through the speakers. Karlie had rolled down the windows as they whipped down the highway, dancing as much as the room on the passenger side would allow.

Their first hotel room had two beds, though one stayed made and untouched. Taylor, the natural night owl, had talked through the intricacies of making the album, fingers absentmindedly threading through Karlie’s hair. Karlie’s eyes had fluttered shut, falling asleep to Taylor’s soft voice as she revealed the anxieties behind the lyrics, the unraveling of her relationship with Dianna, Dianna breaking things off for good, citing it had all been too much - that Taylor had been too much. A stupid, stupid decision in Karlie’s opinion. And she had told her so. Their legs had tangled together at some point in the night, neither of them caring when they woke up pressed up against one another. They shared the bathroom with ease getting ready, Karlie working through her skincare routine as Taylor showered. Wrapped in the impossibly small hotel towel, Taylor had rested her chin on Karlie’s shoulder when she got out, all warm and damp, to comment on how unfairly gorgeous her eyes were. She smelled like sandalwood and vanilla and had pressed a kiss to the curve between Karlie’s neck and shoulder, skipping out to get dressed. Fingertips reaching up to graze where Taylor’s lips just were, Karlie tried convincing herself that it was the shower steam heat exuding from Taylor that had her body tingling. That she had not felt it directly between her legs. She had squeezed her thighs together, ignoring the ache that settled as she tried focusing on brushing up her brows in the slightly fogged mirror.

The weather hadn’t cooperated, sun barely showing face. It didn’t stop Taylor’s enthusiasm as they hiked, instead relishing in the mystery and the cover of the low hanging clouds. She told Karlie about her recurring dream of escaping all the noise of the entertainment industry, running off to an isolated place in the woods. Somewhere she could traipse around barefoot, tending to a garden, wading in pebbled clear water creeks, and spending her evenings with only candles and a fireplace to light her home. Even recluse and removed from the world of music - she would still have an acoustic guitar, writing folk songs, stories and lyrics jotted down in a leather bound journal with an ink-tipped quill. As Taylor chatted, their arms naturally brushed in step, bumping enough times that Karlie took her hand. Taylor hadn’t mentioned it, simply intertwined their fingers and let their arms swing in tandem as they worked their way up the sodden path.

Their last night of adventuring the town had been spoiled, storm clouds rolling in despite reports of clear skies, the New American restaurant with the good Yelp reviews closing before their reservation in precaution of flash floods. The local pizza joint had stayed open and they’d ordered in, a greasy thin crust with artichoke and tomato. Drops of rain assaulted the roof of their cabin as they ate on the floor, backs against the worn couch. One bottle of wine drained quickly, giving way to a second - a screw top Sauvignon Blanc that Taylor swore was better than the lack of cork implied. With her head tucked in the crook of Karlie’s neck, both women giggling after a crack of thunder startled them enough to jump, Taylor had tilted her chin up to look up at Karlie. Clear blue eyes sparkling with tears of laughter, lips pink and wet from the wine, Taylor stumbled in adjusting to tuck her legs under her, their shoulders knocking into each other. Karlie was leaning in before she could stop herself, Taylor’s lips just as soft as they had looked. If Taylor was surprised, she hadn’t shown it, kissing back, only pulling away to murmur-ask if Karlie was sure. The easiest ‘yes’ tumbling out in response, finally getting what she had been wanting, Karlie closed the gap between them again. Her stomach fluttered as Taylor pressed flush against her. Karlie had kissed women before - all in good fun, usually after hard liquor, always with platonic undertones. Taylor was different, Karlie felt it like a jolt of electricity, practically shivering as Taylor’s tongue slipped in her mouth. Karlie let her hands wander, tangling one in Taylor’s short hair, the other toying with the hem of Taylor’s sweatshirt, skirting under to meet warm skin, going higher until her fingers brushed the swell of Taylor’s breast - she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Taylor had groaned against her mouth. “Take it off.” She pushed back just far enough to let Karlie pull the sweatshirt over her head, immediately reattaching to Karlie’s lips as soon as it was off. With the swing of her leg, Taylor was in Karlie’s lap, bracketing her hips, leaning into her. Nipples hard from the chill of the room, Karlie could feel the press of Taylor bare chest against hers through her shirt, entirely too much fabric between them still.

“Mine too. Off,” Karlie murmured brokenly, impatient and breathless as she reached a hand behind her, to pull up at the collar of her long sleeve tee. She managed to get it halfway up on the back of her head before it caught on her chin in front. Wiggling to free herself, she only served in making it worse.

Still straddling Karlie, Taylor dissolved into yet another fit of giggles, throwing her head back before actually helping. She all but threw Karlie’s shirt away from them, eyes flashing dark. “You’re so beautiful, Kar.” Starting with wet kisses trailing along her collarbone, slowly up her neck, before back to her lips, repeating, “so beautiful.”

Karlie brought her knees up, urging Taylor closer still, her own back rough against the couch, the old piece of furniture serving as poor support.

They relocated, Taylor’s legs around Karlie’s waist as she walked them to the bed, letting herself fall back against the mattress, tugging Taylor on top of her.

Taylor’s hands splayed across Karlie’s stomach, resting dangerously low as she moved from her mouth to trail kisses down Karlie’s neck. She worked slowly, taking her time, lips skirting teasingly over her nipples, making a point to press featherlight kisses to each freckle speckled down Karlie’s body. All the while, her fingertips ghosted lower, tracing the curves of her lower abs and jutted hip bones, following the line of her underwear.

A whimper fell from Karlie’s lips as her hips bucked desperate for pressure, desperate for touch - a stilted gasp as Taylor knew exactly what she wanted. Her hand drifted down and over the fabric of Karlie’s underwear, the material already wet and ruined.

“Fuck, Kar.”
“Wanted you all week,” Karlie breathed out, hips pushing up more. “Tay, please. Please.”
/////

Taylor’s claim that good white wine didn’t give hangovers was moot as Karlie still woke up the next morning with an ache behind her eyes, head heavy. It was the kind of headache that would have gradually gone away with a painkiller and 8 oz. of cold water. A morning chill hung heavily in the damp air of the cabin, pill bottle and hydration source not within arms reach and not worth leaving the coziness of the bed for. While stroking at Karlie’s hairline, the pad of her thumb massaging lightly on her temple, Taylor had given an alternative remedy. Karlie had acquiesced easily, sensitive and pliant as Taylor rolled over, peppering kisses across her face, flashing a devilish grin before moving lower. She rucked up the tee Karlie had thrown on to sleep, taking her time working her way down, a hand drifting to coax Karlie’s thighs apart. Taylor worked lower still, disappearing under the sheets. A headache was the last thing on her mind as Karlie came undone, Taylor’s name on her lips and her tongue between her legs. A complete distant memory when she returned the favor.

/////

It took Taylor sitting on Karlie’s suitcase for the thing to zip up.

“You think you brought enough clothes?” Taylor asked with a smirk as Karlie fell back on the floor in success.

“I like having options, you know, model. Kind of my thing.”

“Not like you’ve been wearing much of them lately though,” Taylor countered, letting herself lay across the suitcase, stretching out her arms and legs.

Karlie took Taylor’s hands, pulling them both back to their feet. “Neither have you.” She placed a chaste kiss to the side of Taylor’s mouth. “Not that I’ve had any complaints.” They’d spent the majority of the trip skating around anything more than sweet, celibate physical contact - now, whatever dam had been holding them back was long gone, fully unable to keep their hands off each other. Karlie moved in for a less-than-chaste follow up kiss, pulling Taylor’s lower lip between her teeth, thumb pressing low on Taylor’s hip to keep her close.

“Kar. We. Gotta. Go. We already extended. Our. Checkout tii-mmme,” Taylor tried talking through kisses, nearly giving in with a breathy gasp as Karlie’s hand snaked up her shirt. She pulled back, but only just, cupping Karlie’s cheeks. “We’re not gonna be able to see the seals if we leave too late.”
The seals. Karlie hadn’t planned much, but she had done enough googling to know that there was a beach lookout on their route back famous for elephant seals. With their hilarious movements and ridiculous noises, Karlie had begged to add it to their schedule. She’d put up such a fuss, she couldn’t backtrack. Fighting the urge to dive back in, Taylor’s kiss swollen, pink lips right there, Karlie pulled back further with an honest to goodness pout. “Fine. But you’re driving and I get the aux cord and I get to play Love Story on repeat all the way to the seals.”
“On repeat, really?” Taylor looked amused, letting go of Karlie’s cheeks.

Not having the break of contact, Karlie let her own hands reach across to grip onto Taylor’s hips. “Yes, really. You severely underestimate my love for that song.” Waggling her eyebrows, she hummed the opening notes before breaking into, “That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles and my daddy said, ‘stay away from Juliet.’” She spun away from Taylor, shoulders shimmying, not caring when her voice cracked on ‘Juliet.’ “And I was crying on the staircase begging you ‘please don’t go.’” Holding onto the note, Karlie shut her eyes. “And I said-” She was cut off abruptly as Taylor’s lips crashed back in to shut her up.

They eventually made it to the seals, Taylor plucking a yellow daisy from the roadside parking lot foliage when they got there. As they made their way down to a lookout pier, she picked away at extra leaves on the stem, reaching to tuck Karlie’s hair behind her ear and placing the flower there too. Petals tickled her temple and Taylor just stood back to admire her handiwork, sweet smile etched on her face, intertwining their fingers. “A daisy for my sunshine,” she proclaimed, placing a featherlight kiss on the cold tip of Karlie’s nose, squeezing her hand three times as they continued their way to the pier.

The daisy stayed, Karlie only taking it out briefly to snap a photo on the dashboard, and insisted Taylor be the one to put it back in her hair. It survived the brief window roll down to smell the salt air as they got close to their next beach stop. Even with the sun poking out for the afternoon, it dipped low in the sky, making it cold enough for coats. Neither of them cared, the temperature leaving the beach empty save for a swarm of seagulls - that they then drove away by running across the packed sand, hand in hand. They’d brought a blanket with them and a tote bag full of food to sate the pre-dinner hunger. It was beyond the level of their other car snacks, blackberry swirled goat cheese, water crackers, and fresh fruit. In lieu of wine, they’d made a thermos of white tea before leaving the cabin, the drink still mostly warm. Karlie had taken it upon herself to draw in the sand next to them, looping finger scrawl intending to spell out their names with a heart. She forgot Taylor’s ‘O’ - not even feeling embarrassed at the mistake as it sent Taylor into an adorable fit of laughter, a full belly laugh, unrestrained and real, and probably one of the best sounds Karlie had ever heard, as she snapped a photo. Cheeks rosy from the wind, Taylor tugged Karlie into a hug after tossing her Polaroid camera aside - still laughing, “My name can be whatever the hell you want it to be, Kar.”

The clouds continued to clear, sunlight sparkling and dancing across the crashing waves. Taylor had shivered first, Karlie wrapping her arms tighter around her as they sat, soaking in the last bit of the getaway.

“Can we still do this?” Karlie asked, breaking their moment of silence, having resorted to laying in Taylor’s lap to act as a human blanket, holding her freezing hands in hers, blowing on them to warm them up. “In New York?”

“What? Go to the beach?”

Knowing she needed to explicitly say what she wanted, Karlie sat up. With a huff and a stroke of confidence, she pulled Taylor into a kiss. “No, this,” she mumbled against her lips.

“Oh, this.” Taylor mirrored with a small laugh. “You tell me, you’re the one who isn’t single.”

Karlie stiffened at the remark, cursing her reaction, because while it was a cruel reminder, Taylor wasn’t wrong.

Of course, Taylor picked up on the shift. “I didn’t say that to be snarky,” she clarified, pushing hair from Karlie’s eyes, hands still ice cold. “These last few days have been incredible, you’re so…” the smile on her face turned wistful. “…this is the happiest I’ve felt in a while and it’s all because of you. You make me happy.”

“So we can keep doing this,” Karlie reiterated.

“What about Josh?”

Moving closer, barely inches from Taylor’s face, Karlie shook her head. “He doesn’t have to know.”

“No one has to know,” Taylor whispered in agreeance, capturing Karlie’s lips in one last kiss.
/////The ‘no one’ lasted only a couple weeks before Cara had called them out in private, claiming she had a sixth sense for girl kissers. It would have been more annoying if she hadn’t been right. Just Cara quickly became Cara, Selena, Martha, Lily, and Toni. Taylor had confided in Este first, Danielle and Alana learning shortly after. Taylor’s assistant, Erica, found out accidentally and by summer, Taylor admitted she had told her mom, never able to keep much from her. Karlie hadn’t dared to tell her family, especially her own mom, who lauded over her relationship with Josh. That had been it since.Adding Josh to the list meant now, Tree was more than a necessary addition as well.“Wait, Tay, we really should…” Karlie tried, losing her words at the complete look of ‘what the fuck’ Taylor was sending her way.“I can’t help you to the best of my abilities if I don’t know what’s actually going on,” Tree stated plainly, eyes narrowing.“Don’t, Karlie,” Taylor warned, scratchiness ruining the bite behind her voice.“We have to.” Looking down, Karlie refused eye contact, staring at the tassels of the rug. “Josh knows.”“What?!”Karlie’s eyes smarted with tears, not able to push them back. “He knows, he found out last night.”“When did he…?” Taylor sputtered. “Did you tell him?”Putting her coffee mug down, Karlie pressed her palms to her already puffy face. “No, of course not.” Her voice broke. “Why would I openly admit to cheating on him for the last nine months? I’m not fucking stupid.”“Then how did he find out?”“God, it’s not like we were subtle!” Karlie pulled her hands away, trying to meet Taylor’s eyes through blurred, teary vision. “I don’t know when you blacked out but you were all over me and I was… dammit Taylor, I couldn’t…” The tears dribbled over, hot on her cheeks. “I didn’t tell him anything, he figured it out!”“You couldn’t deny it? You could have said anything. You- you just admitted it to him?” Taylor’s tone had turned accusatory.“No!”“Then what does he even know?” Taylor was as shrill as she could manage, breath quickening. “How would he know anything unless you told him?”“Your lipstick was everywhere, what the hell was I supposed to say?!”“You shouldn’t have even invited him in the first place, Karlie! Why would you even…” Taylor had to pause to take a breath.“He’s my boyfriend. I-”“Like that’s ever fucking mattered!” Taylor cut in, practically gasping.With a fresh spillover of tears, Karlie let out a watery scoff. “God, you literally fucked Matty Healy before the show and you’re pissed that Josh was simply in attendance,” she spat out, the frustration motivation enough to finally say anything about Matty. She knew how hypocritical it was, how much it bothered her - not like that fact made her skin crawl any less.“That is so not the point,” Taylor’s voice cracked. “You still told- you did…” she sucked in a breath. “You told and- how much does he know? What-”“Enough,” Tree interrupted firmly. “Both of you, that is enough.”Sitting back with a ragged inhale, color drained from Taylor’s face, her hands grasping at the edge of the couch cushions. “I feel like I’m gonna pass out.” Her throat bobbed and she choked back a swallow. “I- fuck…” she let go of the couch to push her own hair back, folding forward, head going to her knees.And dammit, Karlie couldn’t not help. She wiped the wetness from her own cheeks and scooted closer without a second thought, laying a hand on Taylor’s back. “You’re not gonna faint, you’re okay. Deep breaths, Tay.” She sniffled, having to rub at a stray tear with her sweatshirt sleeve. “Tree, can you get water please?”“Of course.”Keeping her hand in the middle of Taylor’s back, Karlie moved her fingers to scratch lightly. “In through your nose, out through your mouth. Nice and slow. You’ve got it.”Taylor did as she was told, Karlie able to feel the attempt at methodical breathing with the rise and fall of her back. “I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely, pausing to continue the breaths. “I didn’t mean to, I think I’m- my vision tunneled.” Her breath came out in pants again, short, panicking. “I know you’re mad. This isn’t… I- I’m sorry.”“You gotta breathe, Tay.” Karlie tried evening out her voice, tears still leaking out at will. “It's okay, I can be mad at you and still care about you at the same time.” She sniffled again. “My love isn’t conditional.”It wasn’t and that’s what scared her most. Despite Josh. Despite Matty. Despite their careers and reputations. Despite the sanctity of their private lives hanging on by a fucking thread.Untangling one clammy hand from her own hair, Taylor reached over blindly, gripping Karlie’s leg when she found it. Squeezed three times. A truce.Taking her hand off Taylor’s back, Karlie let it drop to cover the hand on her leg.Tree came back with water and a granola bar, helping Karlie coax Taylor up enough to eat and drink. “So, Big Sur?” she asked once Taylor was sitting unassisted, clearly having done the math during her time in the kitchen.“It just sort of happened,” Karlie let herself admit, staying vague.“We were drunk,” Taylor added through a mouthful of granola bar, signs of life starting to return to her face. “At least, we were the first time.”“And after that?” Tree prompted, helping tip back the water glass as Taylor’s hands were still shaky. When there wasn’t an immediate answer, she rephrased. “Has this been a regular thing since then? This, what, friends with benefits?”“We don’t like calling it that,” Karlie said, knowing it wasn’t the answer Tree was looking for. To be fair, she hated every label that normally defined their situation - hooking up, fuck buddies, an illicit affair.“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand the timeline.”“It’s been a regular thing,” Karlie gave in. “Since then.”Tree nodded. “Okay, and Karlie, were you and Josh together when things started? Since you’re clearly still together now.”With Taylor busying herself with drinking water, Karlie was on her own, letting herself take pause with a deep breath. “We were together. But this past summer was…” she let her gaze go to the ceiling. “It was rough. He was really gone for work a lot. And when he was home, it was just, rough,” she settled on.Tree's face was impossible to read, the woman staying completely neutral. “And now?”“We were okay, I guess. Until last night. Now, I, I don’t know. I’m supposed to talk with him today.”It was Taylor’s turn to pull a face behind the water glass. She never liked Josh.“Okay.” Tree didn’t waver. “I can put out one of two things. We can write this off as a drunken mishap. You’re both young, kissing a friend isn’t unheard of. Pass it off as a silly thing, like college girls - take the relatability route.”Taylor’s reply was immediate again. “No.” She let out a dry cough. “It’s too incriminating - I don’t want to come o- just, no.”“So, we deny.”Karlie let herself nod along with Taylor. Not that she wanted to, she just wanted the conversation to be over. She knew denying was their best option. It kept Taylor’s secret safe, it kept Josh’s pride safe. But the lies continued to stack up - of Karlie’s own doing, she knew that. It didn’t stop the guilt from creeping in and she swallowed back the bile in her throat. “Is the denial plausible with the photos that have come out?”“They’re blurry,” Tree reassured. “You can make a strong and easy case that your heads are just close together, that you’re trying to listen to each other in a loud room. Any rumors that say otherwise are bull crap.”The way Tree spoke, so matter of fact, undoubtedly confident, Karlie could almost believe her. Almost believe the blatant lie.“With Grammy nominations coming out today, we will have the perfect redirect,” Tree continued. “Make folks feel bad for going for the gossip when it’s the music that should matter.”The Grammy mention didn’t phase Taylor, but was news for Karlie. “Grammy noms?” She squeezed Taylor’s elbow, prompting her to shift her body weight, effectively curling into Karlie’s side. “That’s huge, what songs? When did you find out?” With another small shift, Taylor tucked in perfectly against her shoulder, Karlie’s arm wrapped loosely around her.“See, that’s the reaction you should be getting,” Tree said proudly. “Official announcements are today, but I have it on good authority that Shake It Off is up for three.”“That’s amazing, Tay,” Karlie said softly, genuinely. “I, um, I think it’s good to focus on that.”Taylor finished the granola bar, crinkling up the wrapper in her hand, body still slack against Karlie. “You think that’ll really work? When has the world ever cared about my music more than who I’m kissing?”“It will work.”“And if it doesn’t?”“Then I will handle it. That’s what I’m here for.”“Okay.” Taylor didn’t seem convinced, anxiety greater than any reassurance, even from Tree.Tree sighed, glasses going back on. “I don’t want you to stress. I can work with this.” She waited until she had both of their attention. “For what it’s worth, I figured something was going on between you two, just didn’t want to overstep boundaries. I’m not here to make judgements, but these are the types of things I need to know about. It does neither of you any favors to leave me in the dark.”Taylor gave a small nod. “Are we done?”“For now.” Tree looked at her watch. “Because you have a half hour before I need you put together enough to get in the car to the airport. There’s photographers outside.”“Am I able to…”“You’re able to go out of the garage. We have Graham for you,” Tree answered Karlie’s question before she could fully ask it. “I’m heading down now. Taylor. Thirty minutes.”Another nod. Taylor unfurled from Karlie slowly, bracing herself with Karlie’s arms as she moved to stand. “Wait. Tree?”“What, honey?”Taylor looked sheepish. “My throat really hurts.”Hand of the knob, Tree shook her head. “Of course it does. I’ll have a doctor meet us in LA. Now shower. Hot. The steam will help. Go.”With Tree gone and Taylor’s departure clock ticking, Karlie lingered, following Taylor as she walked heavy footed back to her room.“You’ll have to tell Graham you’re going to Josh’s and not home,” Taylor said as she stepped out of the shorts she had put on, flinging them with her foot towards her closet.“I will. You care if I steal some clothes? I don’t really want to put yesterday's jeans back on.”“Yeah, whatever you want. You know I never care.”Changing quickly, Karlie added the sweats to Taylor’s laundry pile before following where she had wandered to the bathroom. The fan was running, Taylor standing slumped, elbows resting on the countertop, fingers pressing into her eyes. “You okay?”Jumping at Karlie’s voice, Taylor sunk her head back in her hands when the realization set in. “Yeah, just fucking exhausted.”Karlie stepped closer. “Maybe you can take a nap on the plane. It’s like a six hour flight.” She placed her hands flat on Taylor’s back, rubbing up soothingly.Taylor shrugged Karlie’s hands off, moving away from her while still holding onto the counter. “Kar, don’t.”Hands frozen from the pull back, Karlie’s chest burned. “Sorry.”“It’s not…” Taylor trailed off before turning around, face sullen and drained. “It’s not you. I want…” She groaned. “If you hug me right now, I’m not going to want you to let go and I will be late and Tree will actually murder me.”The burning lessened with the explanation, though Karlie still itched with the want to touch her, fold her into a hug, actually not let go. “No way. She’s soft today, I really thought we might get yelled at.”“Pretty sure she didn’t want to send me into a full blown panic attack before a cross country flight,” Taylor deadpanned, moving to turn the shower on. “Though I got close and there’s still time.”Karlie intertwined her own fingers, pulling at her knuckles, knowing the start of the shower was a subtle hint to wrap things up. “I hope this all blows over. Like, I know it’s not the biggest deal in my world, but for you… I know you’re not ready to come out. I should have stopped you last night.”“You’re not my keeper, I was wasted and I know how I get when I’m wasted. It’s not your fault. I am responsible for myself and how I am in public.”Karlie shook her head. “No, you were right before. I shouldn’t have brought Josh at all. If I hadn’t, it would be different right now.”“Maybe.” Taylor chewed on her lower lip. “Sorry I yelled about him before. I’m…” The teeth in her lip didn’t hide a small quiver. “I’ve never slipped up this badly, I’m kind of freaking out.”“Tree’s got you.” The I’ve got you was lost in Karlie’s throat because she didn’t have her. Taylor was the one about to deal with public scrutiny. Anything Karlie could put out would only make it worse.Taylor nodded before pulling the henley off, holding it over her chest. “Kar?”“Yeah?”“You’re not gonna tell him everything about us when you go over there, are you?” Over the sound of running water, Taylor’s quiet rasp was barely loud enough.“No.” Karlie shook her head quickly. “No, just that it happened. I don’t wanna… those are our moments and…” she stopped herself. “I don’t owe him that, we don’t owe him that.”Taylor dropped her head in a nod. “Okay.” She looked back at Karlie. “Do you think you guys are going to- I mean, actually no forget it, nevermind, I-” her breath caught in her throat and she coughed, stopping her rant. “I really should shower now.”“I know.” Even with the cut off, Karlie knew the question. Did she think her and Josh were going to break up? It was hardly the first time the question had been brought up, and each time, her knee jerk response was ‘probably not.’ A complete, chicken shit answer.Eyes clear, clear blue, like they always got before she cried, Taylor turned to look away. “I’ll text you later,” she mumbled.“Okay.” Holding back still, Karlie folded her arms across her chest. “Good luck tonight. I’ll see you when you’re back.” And with that, she forced herself out of the bathroom, without a hug goodbye, not missing the hoarse stifle back of a sob as she pulled the door shut./////Taylor’s cracked cry played over and over in Karlie’s head as Graham pulled out onto the street. She hated when Taylor cried, the way her face would crumple, nose scrunching and chin wrinkling, the tight, nasally tone her voice would take, and the stuttering, choppy breaths she would use to stop herself from completely breaking down. She hated it more when she was the reason Taylor was crying. Squeezing her eyes shut, anxiety simmered low in her stomach, making her feel sick. All she wanted to do was turn right around and go back. Screw talking to Josh, screw Taylor’s obligations. Just them, nursing their stupid hangovers and making themselves forget the whirlwind they’d kicked up.But she knew she wouldn’t, and she couldn’t. Regardless of the year’s rough patches, the miscommunications and petty fights, she did have love for Josh. They had been drawn together before the spotlights they were in now really existed, and she hadfallen for his tousled looks and dry humor. Their beginnings had been relatively regular, bonding over slices of pizza and late night Mario Kart battles. He had been her beacon of safety in the turbulent New York model scene. The extension of his nepotism had gotten her through doors and protected her from the otherwise grabbing hands and wandering eyes of men in high places. He’d shown her the world, more rugged and remote traveling, humble and outside the smoke and mirrors of luxury resorts.
Karlie had fully expected to marry him - until she met Taylor.

She was shiny where he was withdrawn, neon, glitter, and glamor instead of the muted mahogany of old money. They had their similarities, hardworking and astute in their morals. She couldn’t kiss Taylor in public and she couldn’t post photos of her and Josh on Instagram - not without a full Kushner blessing at least.

Still, Josh sometimes made her feel like an arm piece accessory, always the sore thumb in a room full of affluent names. While Taylor, a household name and global star, just under the guise of best friend, bent over backwards to gush about Karlie wherever they were.

“Have you met my friend, Karlie? She’s like the top Victoria’s Secret Angel, isn’t that cool?”

“She’s literally got her own cookie line at Whole Foods. Have you tried them? No? Oh my god you have to!”

“She models, she codes, she’s basically the smartest person I know.”

It was relentless in the best way - making Karlie feel like she genuinely could be as great as Taylor made her out to be. She was enveloped in the sparkly, shimmery universe that was Taylor Swift, and she fit seamlessly. She felt at home.

So maybe she just loved the idea of Josh, the media’s projected image of them together, the facade of a happy, heteronormative couple. It was safe.

It was boring.

Karlie’s stomach churned further as the car pulled up in front of Josh’s brownstone. With a deep breath, she braced herself for the December chill as she swung the door open. She made it through the first gate before stopping, rocked with a dangerous wave of nausea. Ripping her sunglasses from her face, she promptly threw up into the frozen dirt of the potted planter to the side of the walkway. Throat and nose burning, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and continued up the walk. Josh had cameras, so Karlie wasn’t surprised when the front door opened before she was even up the first step.

“You okay?” Josh was barefoot as he stepped out on the brick, ushering Karlie inside.

“Hungover,” Karlie offered grimly. And fucking guilt ridden and terrified. She followed up with, “Tequila,” instead.

“That would do it.” Josh led the way down the hall and into the kitchen.

It smelled like coffee and some kind of fresh bread, Karlie all but collapsing into one of the kitchen island stools.

Josh went to the coffee pot, refilling his usual mug. “I got bagels. Want me to toast one up?” He took a long sip. “Make a cup of tea? I’ve still got some of that wild black tea from our Burma trip. Might be easier on the stomach than coffee.”

Straightening up, Karlie leaned her elbows onto the countertop. “Rosemary Sea Salt?”

“Nah, you know I think it tastes like soap.” Josh took the rolled up paper bag in the middle of the island, opening it up. “How about sesame?”

Karlie deflated a little. Not that she expected Josh to be doting before the conversation they were about to have. But Rosemary Sea Salt was her favorite. “Sesame is great.” She worked to put up a soft smile. “You care if I go rinse my mouth?”

“Go for it.” Josh gestured in the general direction of his room. “Tea?”

Standing up, Karlie nodded. “Please.” She made her way upstairs, walking the familiar path to Josh’s bedroom. The bed wasn’t made, Josh’s jeans from the night before inside out and strewn on the floor next to the bed. She resisted the urge to at the very least pull the comforter back into place and went into the bathroom instead. The puffiness in her face had thankfully gone down, the skin around her eyes still red. Turning the water cold, she let it run for a bit, not resisting grabbing a tissue and wiping up the remnants of Josh’s morning shave before splashing water on her face. She didn’t keep a drawer of her own toiletries, but Josh did have a section of vanity cupboard for single wrapped toothbrushes. Once her mouth was minty fresh and rid of the taste of stomach acid, Karlie gave herself one last look in the mirror. Still dressed in the leggings and sweatshirt she had stolen from Taylor’s closet, it felt wrong, almost dirty to wear it in his house. She pulled the sweatshirt off, dragging it with her as she rummaged through Josh’s drawers. There wasn’t much variety, tees ranging from white, heather gray, and black. She found a rare sky blue one in the mix, putting it on and balling up the sweatshirt. It smelled like Josh’s cologne, piney and sharp, probably a shirt he had worn briefly and shoved back in the drawer instead of putting it through the wash.

Back in the kitchen, Josh had put out a glass of water, bagel toasted up and on a plate next to it, slathered in garden veggie cream cheese. Karlie fucking hated garden veggie cream cheese, the vegetable flecks slimy and fake tasting. She slid back onto the stool. “Thanks J.”

“Tea’s still steeping.” Josh had the traditional teapot they had also bought out. “Should just be another minute.”

Karlie eyed the bagel. She needed the carbs and it was thoughtful for Josh to make it after he’d watched her heave up her meager coffee breakfast on the security camera. The cream cheese, however, had the ability to set her off again. Maybe even more so than the impending conversation. She ripped off a section that had touched the spread as little as possible.

“You should eat.”

Karlie put the piece of bagel in her mouth.

Josh waited as she chewed, waited until she choked the piece down. “So do you want me to ask questions or did you just want to talk?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Scratching at his head, Josh looked a bit incredulous. “Well Karl, you could start with a fucking apology. Last night was humiliating.”

“I am sorry,” Karlie echoed. Hands going to her lap, she wrung at the hem of the t-shirt, casting her eyes down to the cat hair on her leggings. The timer for tea went off, shrill and blaring, Karlie feeling the noise in her chest. Their talk just started and she already welcomed the jarring interruption.

Josh turned and decanted the tea into a clay cup. He slid it over, cup steaming, curling up enticingly. “Careful, cup’s hot.”
It was but Karlie didn’t care, letting it burn her fingertips as she picked it up for a sip. The tea was barely cool enough to drink, going for it anyway. Only slightly scalding, the temperature was offset by comfort. Karlie had long since finished the tea she had brought back from the trip. It was malty and rich, aroma and tasting notes of dried fig. She felt the warming sip all the way down, trying to savor it as she was going to have to keep eating the goddamn bagel.

“You know, I’ve had my suspicions about you and Taylor before yesterday,” Josh said, getting them back on track.

A bit of tea from the latest sip dripped down Karlie’s chin and she wiped it away. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it sounded insane. And honestly because Jared is the one who said something about it. Just off-handed about how close you two seemed. I told him to fuck off but it did make me start looking at everything with her differently.”

For Josh’s sake, Karlie had tried to keep an open mind with his family. He was the black sheep, undeniably, but they were in his life. Jared always made her feel the most uncomfortable. Worse than the regular passive aggressive comments from the Kushner matriarch, he just creeped her out.

“You know how shitty it makes me feel that Jared of all people was right?” Josh continued. “I’m almost afraid to ask how long it’s been going with me being completely oblivious.”

Karlie’s mind flashed back to Taylor’s wobbly ask, to not overshare. “Spring.”

“Spring?”

Nodding, Karlie didn’t elaborate, ripping off more bagel and steeling herself for the bite. She took a sip of water for prep, it being entirely unhelpful. Josh had used plain tap water - a stark contrast to the filtered water at her own place, the reverse osmosis water at Taylor’s. She fought to keep a straight face, putting more bagel in her mouth.

“Karlie.”

“What?”

“Can you at least act like you care about this conversation?”

“I do care about this conversation,” Karlie spoke through chewing. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I… I don’t know. I’m hungover and I don’t feel good and I did a shitty thing. Like a really shitty thing and I don’t know how to make it better but I’m here, Joshua.”

“Yeah, you are. But see, this is what I don’t get…” Josh’s hands balled into fists on the countertop. “You knew it was shitty and did it anyway. If you felt so strongly about her, you could have left me months ago. We were fighting a lot, it would have made sense. You didn’t though. Why?”

And fuck. There was the question Karlie never had the answer to. Why indeed.