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“Princess Carolyn, you there?” Mr. Peanutbutter’s cheery voice came down the phone.
“Yes, yes, yes, of course! What’s up Mr. Peanutbutter?” Princess Carolyn was fussing over Ruthie. Todd was out, on holiday, so she was required to look after her.
“I was wondering if you’d be willing to book me a job?” His voice was stern, she was going to be fired if she didn’t do this, but he said it with a cheeriness that would downplay the aggressiveness of the comment if Princess Carolyn wasn’t on the other side.
“Yes, I’m working on it Mr. Peanutbutter.” Princess Carolyn got in the car, chucking Ruthie in the back. She turned the key a few times then launched off down the busy city road. She was listening to nothing but the noise of the engine. She had an appointment booked. She turned, over and over again, swearing at other drivers when they cut her off. She arrived, carrying Ruthie in. She placed him down next to her.“Hello, hello, hello. Sorry I’m late.” She looked around, taking her seat at the other side of the table.
“Not a problem. Everyone’s on holiday right now, so we’re here holding down the fort.” The man sitting across from Princess Carolyn seemed to have the air of cheeriness that only someone who’d not worked for long could have, and the false professionalism that made it extremely clear.
“I know right! Alright, let’s get down to business.” Princess Carolyn smiled back, opening her binder. She thumbed through the pages, opening it up once she reached Mr. Peanutbutters. “So, here’s my client. I believe he’ll be perfect for the role.” The man turned the sheet, looking at it carefully. “You can keep that, I have plenty of copies.” Princess Carolyn folded the binder, placing it back in her bag. It was an easy job, and an easy meeting.
“Right, so, is this the actor?” The man pointed at the photo, he had fat fingers which reminded Princess Carolyn of Marv.
She started to reach for the binder, brushing it with her fingers. “Yes, yes it is. If he’s not optimal, I can-”
“No, no, it’s not that.” The man cut her off. “I just wanted to make sure.” He smiled. He clearly wasn’t familiar with the basic formatting. “Alright. So, why do you think he’s right for the role?”
“Well, to be frank with you-”
“My name is Matthew.” The man interjected again. Princess Carolyn was reminded of her husband, Judah, who often struggled with these things.
“Alright. To be honest with you, Matthew, I think that he’s right for the role because he will be the boost of popularity that…” She hesitated for the moment, thinking of the name of the movie she was applying Mr. Peanutbutter for. She felt bad, not remembering. Then, it came to her. “Catcher in the Lie needs to succeed.” She thought to herself that that name was familiar. She glanced around the room, immediately realising he was Mr. Salinger’s son from his name written on his desk. He’d recently gotten married.
“Right. Right. Right.” Matthew wasn’t sure what to say, jumping over his words and tripping and falling, trying to gather himself but finding himself unable. “Right.” He said, with a sense of finality that signified he was going to shut up now, feeling intimidated.
“So, will you go over this with the rest of your people, and we can start filming CIL when you are ready?” She pronounced the letters of CIL individually. She didn’t think it was a good name, and tried to convey this using her tone.
“Don’t call it that.” He said, deadpan.
“What?” Princess Carolyn was caught off-guard.
“It’s Catcher in the Lie. Not CIL. I’m not producing a Law and Order spin-off here. This is my own individual work.” He stressed the word ‘individual’. Ruthie started fussing, so Carolyn picked her hand up.
“Very well, I’ll see you around, Matthew.” Carolyn knew she wouldn’t if she could help it, and most of their remaining correspondence would be Judah emailing his assistant. They shook hands, he had an unusually sweaty one, and both headed their separate ways. When Carolyn arrived back at VIM she realised it was the end of the day. She opened the door, ready to pack up, and saw Judah still at his desk. “Judah, let’s go home. Call it a day.” She smiled at him, and he smiled back. She handed him Ruthie, and the keys, and walked up to her office to grab her bag. On her way, she saw a figure, darting around sneakily. “We’re closed, but you can come back during office hours!” She shouted. She assumed it was someone wanting an agent. The figure didn’t budge. She pulled a quill she’d kept in her pocket, Ruthie had lost it in a soccer accident. She held the quill in one hand, holding her office key in the other. The figure stepped out, arms raised. “Character actress Margot Martindale?” She was surprised and scared. Nobody else seemed to be scared of Margot, but Margot was a known murderer. There are worse things in hollywoo, but this truly is pretty high. She held the quill tight.
“Bojack wants to talk to you.”
“Bojack? Usually he waits until a month after he fires me.” It’d been 10 days since Bojack Horseman had fired Princess Carolyn for not getting her a job.
“It’s not about business.”
“Get him to text me.”
“Very well.” Margot Martindale descended into the shadows, vanishing into the sea of darkness.
“Do you want me to let you out when I leave?” She shouted.
“Yes, sorry. I've parked outside.” A voice responded from nowhere in particular. In a much more mysterious and stretched out tone, it asked “Dooooo you validate parking?”
“Yep. The machine’s at reception, just wait for the green light.”
Princess Carolyn grabbed her bag, opening the front door and shouting for Margo Martindale. She ran out as fast as she could. Princess Carolyn locked the door behind her, climbing into the car with Judah and Ruthie. “All good?” Judah turned to her. Princess Carolyn nodded, and that was that. They drove home and carefully took Ruthie out of the car, placing her in bed. They sat down on the couch next to each other, Princess Carolyn snuggling up to Judah. They were watching the news, but it was the same as it is every other day so Princess Carolyn was twirling Judah’s long hair. She played with it a little, falling asleep in his lap. He carried her to bed, but she didn’t notice until the next morning. To get him back, she woke up early and made him breakfast. She felt happy. It was the nice feeling she always got that always went away, but she always hoped deep down, this time it would stay. She got an alert on her phone, today was Ruthie’s birthday. She was turning 5. She also had pre-school today, which was lucky. Princess Carolyn reached into her bag, pulling out what she called her ‘life binder’. She felt the letter ‘B’ on the side, pulling open. She thumbed through the various categories, passing Bojacks and lingering there for a moment, until she reached Birthdays. She flipped through the people listings, until she reached Ruthie. She looked at the schedule, picking up the phone and dialling the number listed for flowers. It was a small tradition they had, they’d get one flower per birthday, and they’d keep it in a vase. The vase, of course, would have to grow by about Ruthie’s 20th birthday, but that was listed in ‘V’, with a reference in ‘R’ for Ruthie. The number rang, and a kind voice picked up. She placed the order, and within a few minutes the shop’s owner had walked the block to her house, handing her the flower. She carefully placed it on the coffee table, on top of the card and present. She clapped her hands together, smiling. She walked back over to the kitchen, flipping through the binder to Breakfast. She flipped through the various recipes, all organised by smaller sheets containing the first letter and with star ratings in the top right. She held the page for Ruthie’s birthday in her other hand, which read that she was to make Rainbow Waffles. She read out the recipe aloud, placing the ingredients on the counter and starting. She remembered that she best call Todd now, to make sure he arrived in time to pick up Ruthie to drive her to preschool. Todd was back at work today, but the staff daycare now had two employees so Ruthie could be prioritised by Todd. Perks of the job and all. She scrolled through her contacts, clicking Todd’s name as she waited for the waffles to finish. She asked him to come over to drive Ruthie, and he obliged. Once she was done with the waffles, she served them out on their own plates, giving Ruthie her favourite plate that had a rose and a unicorn. She closed the binder, placing it back into her bag in an attempt to make it clear she hadn’t planned all of this. She smiled to herself, what a great job she was doing, and walked back to bed to wake Judah. She tapped him on the shoulder, then the neck, then the forehead. It was an odd ritual, but something which Judah clearly appreciated.
“Judah, sweetie, would you like me to grab your clothes?”
“Would you mind, Carolyn?”
“Not at all.” Princess Carolyn smiled, laying Judah’s clothes over him. “It’s on you to cook dinner tonight,” she started, but was cut off.
“I’ve got it sorted, it’s all in my binder.” Judah was the only person who knew Princess Carolyn had a binder. “I think she’ll love it, and I can’t wait to see what you’ve done.”
They’d managed to split the work in a way that made them both happy, and constantly checked up on eachother. Princess Carolyn snuck into Ruthie’s room, slowly tapping her on the shoulder, then on the nose. When she woke up, Princess Carolyn led her over to her closet. “What would you like to wear?” She asked Ruthie. Ruthie pointed to one of the dresses, a pretty pink one. Princess Carolyn held it up to her, showing Ruthie in the mirror what she’d look like, and Ruthie smiled, taking it to put on. Princess Carolyn also gave her socks and her favourite pair of sneakers. After a few minutes, Ruthie came out of her room and Princess Carolyn called her pretty.
“Can you tie my shoelaces?” Ruthie smiled up at her mother. Princess Carolyn leant down, on one knee, and tied them. She carefully lifted Ruthie up, placing her in the chair. She sat down across from her and Judah sat on the other edge of the table.
“Thanks so much for making our breakfast Carolyn.” Judah smiled at her.
“Thank you mum!” Ruthie smiled up at her again, her mouth dirty with food.
Princess Carolyn grabbed a napkin, tapping it against Ruthie’s lips. “Not an issue. I hope you have a wonderful birthday.” Princess Carolyn led everyone to the couch. She handed Ruthie her present, and she ripped opening the covering. Princess Carolyn grabbed the card, planning to hand it to her in a minute once she’s rifled through everything. Inside sat 3 things, an electric remote controlled car, which was green and Ruthie had wanted since she’d seen it in the store, a barbie, which Ruthie had seen on the TV, and a small instrument which Ruthie'd shown interest in since she saw it played for her. Princess Carolyn rubbed Ruthie’s head as she smiled up at her parents, unable to know how to say thanks in the most meaningful and happiest way she could.
“Love you mummy.” She said, and it became obvious something was stuck in Ruthie’s teeth. Princess Carolyn picked it out for her, flicking it away.
“It’s not an issue. Now, Todd’s here to drive you to preschool so you can see all your friends, and then tonight Daddy’s going to make you dinner and we can have a little party.” Judah’s family was all dead, so over the weekend they were hosting first a get-together for her birthday with all of Princess Carolyn’s expansive family, then, the next day they were hosting a party with all of Ruthie’s friends. They were both set for midday, as Princess Carolyn had written in her binder. She yawned a little, making herself coffee as Judah took Ruthie over to Todd, who was waiting outside arms wide. Ruthie ran to him, and they drove off to preschool. Judah re-entered the room, closing the door behind him.
“Honey?” He asked, concerned, he started stroking Princess Carolyn’s back.
“Yes, sweetie?” Princess Carolyn knew what this was about, her tone strained from the stress of having to answer the question he was about to ask.
“Who was in the office last night?” Judah sounded so judgement free, his tone so plain and simple yet asking a question so hard to answer, so hard to vocalise out of fear of what may come after.
“Nobody.” She smiled, continuing to make her coffee. Judah didn’t buy it, and wasn’t leaving Princess Carolyn’s side until she admitted it. Princess Carolyn looked over at Judah, and immediately knew she had to answer. “Character Actress Margot Martindale.”
“Bojack?” Judah asked. Princess Carolyn simply nodded. “Did he communicate with you after?” She shook her head, tapping her phone. Judah stroked her again, walking off to collect his items. She finished her coffee, downing it near instantly. She picked up her bag, and set off to her car. She sat in it, waiting for Judah. She listened to the voice of the radio, communing with her the news of the day, then playing her some tunes. She felt them surround her, leaking through her skin. She remembered the day she sat here, outside Whales with her recent miscarriage, she remembered the tears rolling down her eyes. She sat there, clenching her eyes closed, until she heard the door open, the sound of the radio leaking out for the sound of the street, mixing and gathering in her ears. The door closed, and she felt an arm on her back, as she realised she was resting her head on the steering wheel. She sat up, and turned on the car. She drove out of the driveway, pulling into work. She got out, grabbing her bag. Judah followed. She walked up to her office, closing the door. She remembered that she’d installed an ability for the glass to fade. Pressing the button, she felt herself being truly alone in that room, surrounded by her family and those closest to her. She got the text.‘I need to talk to you.’ it read. She stared at it, wondering what to do. She looked it in the eyes, the thought of talking to Bojack Horseman. The thought of going back there. She wiped her remaining tears. She rang him.
“Hello, Bojack.” She started.
“It’s been a while.” He responded, his voice low.
“Quite.” She affirmed.
“I don’t know what to do.” Bojack sighed.
“Do what you always do.” Princess Carolyn sat there for a full 20 minutes listening to Bojack tell her about everything weighing on his shoulders. She’d opened up her binder, adding a page to his file under ‘B’. She wrote down all the information. “I think you should…” She started telling him the full plan she’d now written for him, like a doctor that was prescribing medicine.
“Alright, I will.” Bojack answered.
“Wait, before you go.” She started as she felt his thumb hovering on the button, muting her until he would next pick up the phone.
“What?” Bojack was confused.
“I think you should come back, Bojack Horseman.” She said it with a positive tone, like an old friend, but the comment was a command. He would follow. She texted Judah, ‘B back. Make sure you organise roles, please.’ They no longer needed to say his name. They both knew who they were talking about, and they always would. Up until the day he dies. Up until the day they die. The phone call had ended, and Princess Carolyn leaned back in her chair. She rubbed her face, closing her eyes and falling through the space between alive and dead. The coffee she’d drank every morning was never enough, and never would be. She felt herself being trapped in a glass cube, thousands of spectators leaning in to ask the genie for advice. She’d sit there, listening, permanently suspended in ice that didn’t give her enough room to relax. Her posture was perfect, her body pushed into the space unnaturally. Permanently small. Permanently enough. She felt the ice melt, and she was free. But she felt trapped, she wanted to go back into that cube. Every time she tried to shove herself in, she failed, unable to shape her body to fit through its cracks. She felt the cube push back, further and further, until it finally fell. She felt it smash on the ground, no longer able to be reshaped. She felt herself run, launching into the air like an eagle. She woke up as soon as she hit the ground. She rubbed her eyes, getting up. She pushed the button, her glass turning clear again. She walked out, falling down the stairs but catching herself. She felt the door handle in her hand, and she was in the car. She sat down in the seat, turning the ignition. She touched Judah’s hand. She pushed down on the pedal. She felt the car lurch, turning on its way home. She felt herself, truly in control. She saw the cars, speeding past. She felt her driveway. She took off her shoes, feeling the comfort of the couch. This was how it was. This was how it would always be. She was not truly living, every day a fading memory of the last. She felt Ruthie come in, gripping her hand. She rubbed her on the head, her hand getting stabbed and stabbed and stabbed. She felt it throb, she felt the needles puncturing her skin. She felt Todd run over, gripping her wrist, calling for Judah.
She watched Todd look so so so so concerned. “It’s alright.” She tried to placate him, gripping his hair with her free hand in an attempt to rub it. She saw Judah run down the stairs as Ruthie ran to her room, crying. She watched Todd start to cry at his hopelessness. “Don’t… Don’t… You’re alright… It’s not your fault…” She felt the words coming out of her throat, travelling down her tongue and balancing on her teeth as she mashed them on their way out. She felt her eyelids feel heavy. She watched Todd run off, chasing Ruthie. “Don’t hurt her.” She cried a little, her eyes squished together. She felt a car coming, rumbling the house with its speed. She felt her eyes closing, she felt her consciousness leave, almost slipping over the shore. She felt the shock, making her sit straight up in bed. She looked at her hand, bandaged. She got up, trying to run from the empty room. She ran as fast as she could, bulleting down the hallway through concerned looking nurses and doctors. She felt a tap on the shoulder, turning around. Judah stared deep into her soul, she held out a hand, trying to feel him. She felt her hand hit his solid cheek. She fell forwards, losing her balance for no reason. She was back in bed, Judah by her side.
“Am I worthy?” She rolled to Judah, asking.
“You are.” Judah affirmed, gripping her hand.
“How do you know?” She prodded at the answer, not believing it.
“Nobody ‘knows’. Not Da Vinci, not Jesus, not Vincent, and least of all Princess Carolyn.” He said the words in the same pitch, like all the people were equal. Princess Carolyn smiled, stroking his arm.
“Is Ruthie okay?” Princess Carolyn was instilled with a sense of shock, as she remembered what happened.
“Your sister was happy to take her. I’ll get her back in a few days, when you’re out of hospital. She’s fine, though. I took her to the doctor, just in case, and they said she should be fine. She was a little freaked out, but that’s neither here nor there.” He looked down at her with a solid face, a stern one that was not showing its emotion.
“Judah?” Princess Carolyn could tell something was wrong. Judah was back in his ways, back before he came out of his shell. “Judah, what’s wrong?” She placed her bandaged hand on Judah’s, feeling a slight sting through the bandages.
“It’s Bojack.” Judah didn’t show emotion. He was looking past Princess Carolyn, as if staring into the distance while looking directly into her eyes.
“What did he do this time? Am I involved? Do they know about… Everything?”
“No, and I doubt they ever will.” Judah laid his other hand on hers, he was comforting her now. “He’s… He’s gone.”
“Like moved? Did he move to Houston? I should ring Diane…” She knew, deep down, what had happened. She knew it, but she’d never believe it. He wouldn’t be. He couldn’t be. She remembered the way his body felt on hers, how warm he was. She remembered all the times they sat together, all the things they’d done. All the times Bojack had done something wrong, admitting it to Princess Carolyn like he was in a confessional. Bojack Horseman could not be gone. They sat in silence for a moment, Judah not sure what to say and Princess Carolyn having too many things to say. Eventually, a word escaped Princess Carolyn’s mouth. “How?”
“A car crash. He flew through the windscreen, smashing his head into bits. I’m sorry… I'm so sorry…” Princess Carolyn had helped Bojack Horseman. She clearly wasn’t there enough. If she was there, she could’ve helped him. She could’ve done what she always did. She could’ve fixed everything. She could’ve saved him, she should’ve, it was her duty. The silence between them felt like bird poop in both of their hairs, both of them frozen and not sure what to do next. “The funeral’s this Friday.” It didn’t feel real. Bojack was just around the corner, waiting to text her. Bojack was going to text Princess Carolyn, it was what Margot said. Princess Carolyn was waiting for his text. Bojack Horseman was in the process of texting Princess Carolyn. Bojack Horseman was perfectly fine. Nothing was wrong with Bojack Horseman.