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Alex shut the bedroom door and rubbed her temples as she moved towards the bathroom, determined to shower. Hopefully, the hot water would rid her of this headache and the stench of hospital disinfectant.She paused when she realized that the bathroom light was on, and by the sound of running water, the shower was already occupied. She grinned, her day suddenly looking brighter. She thought that Maggie would have already been gone by now. She knocked on the door and pushed it open at Maggie’s invitation. She watched as Maggie stuck her head out of the curtain.“Hi, baby.” Her wife said, a smile growing on her face.“Hi,” Alex replied. “Want some company?”Maggie smirked. “Yours? Always! Give me just a second.”She closed the curtain and turned off the water so the bathroom wouldn’t be the victim of a watery mess when Alex opened the curtain.Alex quickly got undressed, opened the curtain, stepped inside the tub, then closed the curtain behind her. Then she turned on the water, ensuring it was back to the perfect temperature before she turned to face her wife.“Hi.” Maggie giggled. “I believe we already started with that. It’s time for the next step.”“Oh?” Alex cocked an eyebrow playfully. “What’s that?”Maggie playfully tugged her down and leaned closer. “It’s a kiss, silly.”Alex didn’t hesitate to kiss her wife, and they spent a few minutes reacquainting themselves with each other before pulling apart.“That was nice,” Alex said, gently pulling Maggie into her arms for a wet hug.“Always. But as much as I want to push you against the wall and have my way with you, I have a lunch meeting and need to prepare for it.”“Darn.” Alex frowned, but she stepped back. “Can I wash your hair?”Maggie studied her for a moment, then nodded. “Of course.”Alex nodded and reached for the shampoo, grateful that Maggie was giving her some space. She loved that about her wife. Maggie always seemed to realize when she was struggling with something, but she never pushed. She was always just a strong shoulder to lean on and a good listener.She sighed as she put shampoo into her hand and ran it through Maggie’s gorgeous locks. “My Mom called today.”Alex couldn’t help but smile when she felt Maggie’s body tense at the confession. You are always my protector, love.“Oh?” Maggie said noncommittally, but Alex knew that she was seething inside. She and Eliza had never gotten along, even though they had only met a few times. It was understandable, considering that Alex barely got along with her mother these days.“She’s passing through this way, delivering supplies to the hospital. Her company won the fruit contract apparently for the café. She wanted to know if I was free for lunch on Friday.”Maggie was quiet, and Alex quietly rinsed her hair. When she was finished, she turned around and gently pressed Alex against the wall, kissing her with a furious passion that made Alex see stars. But just as soon as it started, it was over, and Maggie looked up at her with such love, devotion, and understanding that Alex felt her heart swell and tears sprang to her eyes.“You don’t have to go, Alex. You don’t have to put up with her and any of her shit anymore.” Maggie said quietly.Alex sighed. She looked down at her hand, splayed across Maggie’s hip, and rubbed at the stretch marks she found there. Maggie was just so beautiful, and it was easy to fall into the feeling of her skin and her body. She would rather think about that than the feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment that her mother always spawned in her.“Babe?” Maggie said, gently reaching up a hand to touch her cheek, bringing Alex back to the present.Alex sucked in a breath and looked back at her wife, meeting Maggie’s eyes again. “I know. I can’t help but feel like I’m proving her right when I refuse to meet with her.”Maggie looked up at her, confused. “Proving her right, how? In what instance?”“That I’m a disappointment.”Maggie shook her head so quickly and violently that Alex was worried that she would give herself whiplash. “Alex, no. You are not a disappointment. Not to me, not to your sister, not to anyone. And if she wants to believe that… that’s on her, not you. She abandoned you, Alex. She left you alone to raise your sister while she drove a truck nationwide.”“She was hurting.”“That doesn’t mean anything. So were you. I get that she lost her husband, the love of her life, but life didn’t stop. She had his children, her children, to think about, love, and help them through their grief. She chose to leave, and I’ll never forgive her for that. For messing with your head like that, and like she still is doing now.”Alex didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. She heard Maggie take a deep breath.“But that’s me. I won’t forgive her, but if you want to do that, I will support you. If you want to have lunch with her, I will be there to listen to all of it when you get home, and I’ll make sure you know how loved you are.” Then Maggie leaned up and kissed her. “I love you, and that will never change, Okay?”Alex nodded and ran her fingers up and down Maggie’s side. “I know. I love you, too. Thank you.”She let out another breath and pulled away. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I told her I would think about it and get back with her.”Maggie nodded and ran her hand down Alex’s side. “Then take all of the time you need, my love.” She kissed her again just as her phone alarm went off. “Fuck, sorry. I have to go.”Alex nodded and pulled back, turning off the water so that Maggie could get out. “No problem. Thank you for listening.”Even as Maggie reached for a towel with one hand, she reached for Alex’s with the other and gave it a squeeze. “Always. I love you. Get some rest, okay?”Alex nodded and closed the curtain, leaving Maggie to get dressed and herself to think as she reached for the soap.A few days later, Alex sat on their porch looking out over their backyard. Fireflies were out, and Alex enjoyed watching them momentarily before she took a sip of her scotch and reached for her phone. Her fingers hesitated for a second before she pulled up the messaging app and began to type.
Hi. I am letting you know that I am unavailable to have lunch on Friday or any other day in the near future. I know this may seem harsh, and I apologize. But the truth is you hurt me in ways that I don’t even think you realize, ways that I’m just now beginning to unpack with my therapist and with Maggie’s love and affection. I’ve realized that I don’t think I’m ready to talk to you face to face until I deal with the hurt and pain I’ve been struggling to carry for all these years. Maybe one day I can sit down to a nice lunch with you and not feel anxious or self-destructive, but I’m not there yet. I hope this note finds you well, and no matter what happens in the future, I wish you all the best. Love, Alex.
Alex pushed send before she could change her mind. Then she took another sip of scotch and smiled. It was then that Maggie’s head poked through the doorway.“Hey, pretty lady. Dinner’s ready.” She said before she moved back into the house.“I’m coming,” Alex said, standing up. She put her phone in her pocket and grabbed her glass before returning back inside.As she moved to sit at the table, she could feel Maggie’s eyes on her.“Everything okay?” She asked, raising an eyebrow in both curiosity and concern.But Alex just sent her a dazzling smile. “You know, for the first time, I think it will be.”Maggie looked confused, but she didn’t press, and Alex made a note to fill her in later. Right now, all she wanted was a few of Maggie’s homemade tacos, a beer, and a wonderful evening spent with her favorite person in the world. The rest would figure itself out in time.