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It felt like a dream at first -- the bright warm light, the inability to focus, no sense of being in a physical body, observing a toddler in heart-shaped odango and a miniature senshi uniform without commentary or judgment. She was tugging along a hand he saw in front of him, a hand connecting to an arm in the old Endymion formal armor. “Come back, come back,” she said in a tiny voice. Usagi was there, shimmering and naked and aloft on giant wings. He was definitely dreaming. He heard his voice call her name, saw her lower lip tremble a bit, and then she flew straight into him. He still couldn’t feel his body, but he could feel hers, very warm and soft and tears flowing onto his shirt. His vision gained greater focus, and he saw Mars and Mercury, smiling placidly, and was beginning to wonder just what kind of dream this was, and then he saw Pluto and Saturn, and Uranus and Neptune and Jupiter and Venus, all of them looking drugged. He saw Tokyo Tower right under their feet and realized that no, he was not dreaming on a plane to Boston right now, he was back home, and whatever just happened must have been very, very bad. He had to say something, so he made a guess: “It’s over.” Mars, as usual, did not need to think of what to say. “USAGI. WHY ARE YOU NAKED.” He wrapped his cape around her instinctively; wondered when gravity was going to take effect. ***There were aliens on the ground below. The one in the center had an elaborate headdress, flowing robes and long red hair; she flanked by three women in messy ponytails, thin, pale androgynous bodies barely covered in shiny leather straps and little gold stars. The red-haired woman had the same placid look of the senshi, and was luminous like radiating starlight; her companions on the other hand were filthy, disheveled, and covered in blood and bruises. When their feet touched the ground, Usagi burst out of his arms and towards the women. “Sailor Star Fighter! Sailor Star Maker! Sailor Star Healer! Princess!! You’re all okay!! I’m so glad!” The one with black hair started running to her as well.Usagi and the black haired senshi froze in mid-stride. Usagi looked down, blushed, and tried to fold her wings over so that they’d cover the important parts, but they didn’t seem to want to bend that way. Mamoru started fussing with his cape—there had to be a button or clasp somewhere—and when he didn’t see one, he ripped it off his back, and draped it around her shoulder. He had no idea if it would grow back the next time he found himself wearing this, but he had also grown to hate that outfit.“You saved us all,” said the black-haired senshi. “I don’t know how, but you saved us all.”“You brought our princess back to us. Thank you.” said the brown-haired one, with the big forehead.The blonde one didn’t say anything, but she nodded, and there were tears running down the dirt on her face.The black-haired one said, “Sailor Moon…is this Mamoru-san?”Usagi looked up at him. “Oh yes! This is Mamo-chan. He came back too. Mamo-chan, this is Sailor Star Fighter. She—she’s been a good friend to me while you were gone. And Star Healer, and Star Maker—they came here after you left, and they helped us fight Galaxia.”She bowed, then reached for his hand, with a strong grasp.“I’ve heard so much about you,” Star Fighter said. Her lips turned up in a smile, but her eyes narrowed. “Senshi? From where?” Mamoru asked. “Forgive my manners” said the red-haired woman, stepping forward. “I am Kakyuu, the Princess of the star that bears my name. Sailor Star Fighter, Sailor Star Healer, Sailor Star Maker—these are all my senshi, the ones who survived Galaxia’s onslaught. We came here seeking refuge, and your Senshi, Sailor Moon in particular, were of such great aid. We are very grateful.” Her bow was deep, and graceful, and effortless. “I am…I am Prince Endymion, of Earth. And I believe you’ve met Serenity, our princess,” he stammers out. Usagi, who had wedged herself in between Star Fighter and himself in the meantime, trying to make the cloak stay closed while holding on to both of them, nodded and beamed. When has he ever needed to remember royal etiquette? None of his past life memories included protocols. “I uh, welcome you on behalf of Earth. I’m sorry we aren’t in a position to grant you the um, proper accommodations.”Kakyuu smiled, “Oh no, no need for any of that. You have all done us such a great favor.”Mamoru had no idea what this favor could be, but a quick look around at the giant crater they were standing in, was a start. He had a flash of memory, the wing of the airplane, the feeling of wind and lack of oxygen at such a great height, a woman shining in gold with eyes like black holes, and shuddered.With that the scene broke, and everyone transformed back into civilian clothing. Those alien senshi now had the bodies of men; the only thing that stayed remotely the same was the length and style of their hair. None of the others seemed to think anything of it. “Your world is so fascinating,” Kakyuu said. “I had heard tales of how the Mau settled a solar system so far from civilization, a strange world where men sometimes held the Sailor Crystal. But to see it for real, and one of such power -- no wonder Galaxia followed us here. How unusual!” Before Mamoru could respond, the tall one with brown hair and the big forehead jumped in, “My princess neglects to mention that we are unusual as well. Our people aren’t born with a fixed gender, we can change when we pair up for having children. But obviously anyone with a Star Seed must have a female form to use it, including us.” “We’ve seen men from outside our world with power before” Ami says, her posture straighter than he remembers, and looking Star Healer directly in the eye, which Mamoru feels is strangely bold, for her. “Fiore, Ail, for starters.”“We’re not saying men can’t have magic, but a man with a Star Seed? Do you even have a uniform?” Star Healer says. “But I’m not a Sailor Senshi,” he says, confused."WOW that was a very rough battle wasn’t it?” Minako says, worming her way in front of Mamoru; while the Inners were still crowding around Usagi and the one with the black hair, he noticed that Haruka and Michiru were inching closer to him as well. “I know we have a lot of debriefing to do and I’m sure you’re all going to be like, ‘we have to get back to our home planet now and rebuild’ because obviously but hey, I think we should all meet up on the school rooftop before you fly off so we can say our proper goodbyes, come on, Usagi, we need to check you out...” and dragged her away. “As for us,” says Haruka, with her arm around Michiru and holding onto Hotaru’s hand, Setsuna one step away, “I’m sure you’ll be fine in the capable hands of our prince and princess.”“Please, have a safe journey,” says Hotaru.“But next time, you must call first,” Michiru says, before they turn their backs and walk off. Star Fighter lingered behind, looking right at him. Up close, he had a masculine scent, that Mamoru felt familiar but couldn’t place.“You know,” Star Fighter whispered, “She never stopped thinking about you. She wrote to you every day. I thought you were terrible, just abandoning Usagi like that. No one knew what had happened to you, until Galaxia showed us. She was so worried, for so long. I always wondered, who was this man who could treat her like that and she’d never let go?”“But you seem like a nice enough guy. I suppose a princess really belongs with a prince now, doesn’t she? Just…don’t go off and die again without telling someone first, OK? I never want to see her heart broken the way I saw before.” With that, not waiting for a reply, Star Fighter ran off and joined the others.It wasn’t until a little later that he learned he had been gone for four months. Whatever he had on the plane, was gone. He had what was still in his pockets before he “disappeared”, which was, basically, his wallet, passport, and two small photos, one of Usagi and Chibi-Usa, one of his parents. Otherwise, it was the clothes on his back. The laptop stowed under the seat, gone. The book he had picked up at the airport, gone. Pretty much his entire wardrobe, gone. The school papers were gone; that beautiful small print of the moon he wanted to decorate his room with, gone; the Tuxedo Kamen puppet that reminded him of Chibi-Usa, all gone.Before he had left, he had sublet the apartment to a classmate of his; all of his furniture and household things; it was a year sublease and there was no way he’d be able to go back there and kick the poor guy out without warning. The car, at least, was in a garage for storage, but the contract was in the suitcase. He thought about calling the airline about missing luggage, and realized there was no way he was getting any of that back.Mamoru realized that whatever confusion he was feeling now, was only going to get worse from now on.
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Usagi was already back in her school uniform, her arm firmly latched around his, dragging him here and there. Four months without any word from him? That must have been what Star Fighter (Seiya was their name, wasn’t it?) was insinuating before. His heart kept sinking, past his chest, deep into the bowels of the Earth, and then into the void. Usagi must have been so scared. She must have been hurt. He must have hurt her, and he had no way of knowing how, let alone how to make it right. So he let her walk him around aimlessly throughout Juuban, and kissed her whenever he could, not minding if there were anyone around to see. He bought her a massive hot fudge sundae, and then some takoyaki, and then a big bowl of miso ramen, and then some of the giant-sized cream puffs from a new store he didn’t recognize. He had at most 2,000 yen left in his wallet after all of that. It was well after her curfew, and he started guiding her in the direction of her house, knowing that he’d have to find somewhere to sleep but not sure where. Even if his ATM card still worked, the nearest post office was locked for the night and the only hotel that would take a new reservation was likely the seedy love hotel a mile away. He did not want to ask her parents to crash on the couch. Usagi must have thought the same because she then diverted him down another familiar route. “We’ll just have to stay at the shrine tonight,” she says. “What do you mean, we?” Mamoru asks. Of course. Rei and her grandfather had let him stay there before and would likely let him do it again. He could avoid Yuuichiro if he needed to. Usagi says, “I’m not leaving your side tonight,” with the same determined look she’d give an especially vicious youma. He couldn’t refute that. She could deal with her parents later. Rei was still awake and sitting on the shrine steps, even though it was after midnight on a Tuesday and they had school in the morning, when they climbed the steps. The path had been swept very clean. “Of course you can stay!” she said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “But you’re not sharing the guest room together. Usagi, you can stay in my room. Mamoru, you remember where everything is, right?” She brought them inside, handed him a towel and yukata and bath slippers, and pulled Usagi into her room, closing the door behind them. It did feel good to take soak in a hot, steamy, quiet bath. He scrubbed and scrubbed but while he felt the muscles in his back and neck start to unclench, he couldn’t quite get to the feeling of clean. He got out before he made his skin too raw, drained the tub, and went to the guest room he stayed before with Diana. He rolled out a clean-smelling futon and fell asleep before he could think to cover himself with the blanket. He woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty and with a full bladder. On the way back from the toilet he noticed that the light was still on in Rei’s room and the door was slightly ajar. He stopped to peek inside. Rei was sitting on the floor in her bright red pajamas with her arms around Usagi in her purple bunny pajamas, stroking her back. Usagi’s hair was out of the odango completely; her head was buried in Rei’s chest and she was and sobbing, loudly. Rei’s eyes were red and puffy. He stepped away before either could notice he was there. ***The remainder of his sleep was poor and he woke up for good at dawn. Every time he dozed off, he returned to a nightmare of impressions: of blinding gold, of being in the air and unable to breathe it in, that dreadful familiar feeling of dissolution, a manicured hand seizing a crystal that was his and not his. He went to the toilet to splash some water on face, but noticed that the doors to the shrine grounds were open, and that both cats and every Senshi except Usagi were on the steps. Hotaru had an elementary school uniform on like the Inners. Setsuna and Michiru and Haruka were all impeccably dressed and accessorized despite the early hour. They were standing a short distance away from the others, but otherwise as natural as Minako and Rei and Mako and Ami. It disturbed him to see them like this, because the two teams only came together here during a crisis. So if they were used to this, then the crisis must have been – he couldn’t imagine. They all saw him, and stared at him until he joined them outside. “Usagi…?” he asked.“Still asleep” Rei says. “Her greatest power is to sleep through anything.”“It’s best that she’s not here,” says Luna. “We all need to understand what happened yesterday, and we need that understanding before we bring her into this.” She and Artemis looked tired, more so than normal, almost like they were regular cats who had been reluctantly roused from a nap.“The trouble is,” Mako says, “We don’t know. It all happened so fast.”“We didn’t have a chance to fight,” Minako said. “One minute we were in that room and the next minute…that was it. No chance at all.”“It’s really interesting,” Ami says. “Most of the enemies we face either see us as an obstacle to something else, want to hurt us more than kill us, or can be taken down if we work as a group. But Galaxia had power we’ve never seen before and we were like…nothing to her. Like stepping on insects.”“I wouldn’t call it interesting,” Rei said. “Humiliating, maybe.”“Agreed,” Haruka said. “She was very powerful, and very fast, and made no attempts to negotiate.”“You were there?” Mako asked. “What happened to you?”“We joined the fight after you were lost,” Michiru said. “More precisely, we threw everything we got at her and she didn’t even flinch. She broke the talismans.” The Inners stared at her.“They’ll come back,” Setsuna says. “Eventually. I am certain that they will reform, since they are simply manifestations of us and we’re all still here. But I couldn’t say when that will be.”“And then you died too?” Rei asked. Died. Mamoru thought, that had only happened once before. He wasn’t around that time either. Serenity had wiped their memories of it, and even after some came back, no one ever, ever spoke of that time. Definitely not to him.“Yes, but not right then,” Haruka said. She tried to turn us on each other because it was for sport or something.”“Like the Animamates,” Michiru said. “She was trying to recruit us.”“But you wouldn’t, right?” Makoto asks.“Well.” Haruka said, and there was a long pause.“We thought that if our power wasn’t enough, that if we played along and let her give us some of her power, we could use it against her and take her Star Seed. We were correct that she had too much hubris to suspect a trick. But…we miscalculated.” said Michiru.“You know she didn’t even have a Star Seed. We all died too,” Haruka said. Mamoru noticed that Haruka and Michiru were both staring fiercely at the ground; Setsuna was looking over their shoulder, in Mamoru’s direction, but more to avoid looking at them than to look at him. Hotaru, however, was staring at them with her head cocked to one side, her expression unreadable.“You didn’t use the glaive?” Minako asks, her voice eerily even.“No,” Hotaru said. A complete sentence. No room for further questioning. She was Setsuna’s daughter, truly.“We saw what happened to you, Mamoru” Setsuna said, changing the subject.“Wait, what?” He had not expected to join this discussion.“She showed Sailor Moon how she took your own Star Seed” Setsuna said, quietly. “She wanted to break her, before she would kill her.”Mamoru’s own memories were still vague and unformed. A flash of light, the wing of an airplane, a woman in gold smiling with the utmost malevolence. No, not malevolence. The smile of someone mildly amused at an effortless job, sneering at him."We didn't know," Ami said, softly. "Usagi didn't tell us you had disappeared. She let us all believe that everything was fine, until she couldn't anymore."Mamoru’s own memories were still vague and unformed. A flash of light, the wing of an airplane, a woman in gold smiling with the utmost malevolence. No, not malevolence. The smile of someone mildly amused at an effortless job, sneering at him.“It doesn’t matter,” Rei says. “What matters is that Usagi was scared and alone for months, and she didn’t think she could come to us for help, and then when it all went wrong we all died and she had to face Galaxia all alone. We showed her that we really couldn’t be there for her when she needed us, didn’t we? What is the point of being her guardians if we can’t guard?” she slams her hand into the stone step. “What matters is that we figure out what went wrong, so we can fix it,” Minako says. Mamoru thinks it is frightening to see Minako assume her role of leader when she’s not actively Sailor Venus. When she is this calm, and composed, and serious, it means that shit has already hit the fan and is splattered all over the wall. “We know there is another battle ahead of us. A greater one. We were not prepared. We need to be prepared.” she says to the Outers, “and that means we need to know exactly how, and why, we failed this time. No matter what we did there.”“It’s going to be very difficult to analyze what happened,” Ami says, looking at her small computer from the Silver Milennium. “I wish we could have kept the Starlights here longer, because they knew much more than we did.” Haruka snorts; Ami ignores it.“We know what Usagi told us. About driving out the chaos so she wouldn’t be evil anymore,” Minako says. “I don’t think Usagi can tell us anything that would help us. Her powers don’t work like ours,” Ami says. “She’s a healer, really. I don’t know if she’s capable of destroying anyone.”“And someday,” Haruka says, “there will come a time where someone or something needs to be destroyed. Not sealed, not pushed away, but destroyed. And you know how much we all care for her but we know she can’t do that. So it’s up to us to do it.”“But how?” Rei asks. A long pause, everyone looking at the ground and not at each other. Mamoru opens his mouth to speak, but then –“GOOD MORNING YAY EVERYONE IS HERE I’M SO HAPPY MAMOCHAN GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL CAN I STAY HERE REI CHAN LETS GET SOME BUNS” Usagi bursts out the door, smiling and exuberant, too exuberant, chatting up everyone, trying to force smiles on their faces. The meeting will have to continue another time. ***Mamoru didn’t want to stay at Hikawa Shrine another night; he remembered Usagi’s strange behavior the last time he had stayed awhile and didn’t think it would be wise to provoke that again. Once the girls all left for school, he pulled Setsuna aside and asked for help. She was glad to offer. They had plenty of room and he could stay as long as he needed.So after a day of wandering around by himself, avoiding the arcade, feeling jet lagged (even if he didn’t go anywhere), eating rice balls in the park to save his dwindling cash he found himself and Usagi squished in the backseat of Haruka’s convertible with Hotaru as they sped down the highway and towards a large, detached house on the outskirts of Tokyo, where the lines between city and suburb had fully blurred.Usagi was still clinging to his arm, but her head was swinging around and her eyes were wide.“You have such a nice house!!” she cried out, and Hotaru beamed.Inside they sat down at a little round dining table with bamboo placemats and Michiru poured out wine for both Mamoru and Usagi while Setsuna disappeared in the kitchen and Haruka and Hotaru sat on the nearby couch, chatting about Hotaru’s school day. Michiru engaged Usagi in small talk about school life and which clubs she was in and what clubs the others were in; Hotaru joined in with many more questions about Mako’s lunch bentos and Ami’s cram schools and Minako’s volleyball practice. Mamoru glanced around; the furniture was comfortable and mid-century modern; clean lines and muted colors and no frills anywhere. The walls were minimally decorated; a seascape over the never-used fireplace and a whale swimming through what looked like outer space opposite the front door; both were clearly Michiru’s. The refrigerator had some of Hotaru’s school artwork and a white board with a color-coded chore list. Setsuna brought out simple food; grilled fish and seasoned white rice and salad. It was some of the most delicious fish he had ever tasted.After clearing the table and finishing their tea, Usagi asserted that she was not going home. “I already told my parents I’m staying at Rei’s again, but I can stay here, right? You can drop me off at school when you bring Hotaru tomorrow? Please?” The others shrugged. “The couch turns into a futon, you two can take that.” Michiru says.“Is that ok with you, Mamoru?” Haruka asks, staring at the two of them. Mamoru felt his cheeks grow hot and he nods wordlessly.“Eh, you two will behave, right?” Michiru asks, and winked at Mamoru, and his cheeks grew hotter.“We’re sorry we don’t have a spare room made up for you,” Setsuna says, as she and Haruka fold out the futon. Michiru comes back with a big pile of blankets and pillows and some clothes to sleep in. “We rarely entertain guests.”“No one ever comes to visit, except Chibi-Usa,” Hotaru says. “But we’re happy to have you! Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite!”“We don’t have bedbugs!” Setsuna says, horrified.“It’s just a saying!” Hotaru says, sticking her tongue out, and with that, the four went upstairs and off to bed. Mamoru changed into what appeared to be one of Haruka’s old racetrack t shirts and a pair of red boxers with a heart print; they fit him fine but it felt very odd to be wearing someone else’s clothes. He hadn’t worn secondhand since he left the orphanage.Usagi had also changed into a similar set, but she was swimming in hers. She blushed, and dove under the covers. He joined her, feeling self-conscious. It was now too quiet in the house. He wondered if anyone was listening at their door upstairs. He pulled up the covers around him and Usagi, to give some illusion of privacy, and kissed her before hugging her close to his chest, letting her relax there. He could feel her breasts through the thin old shirts. He shifted so that she wouldn’t notice the erection that was forming in spite of himself. This was really, really, really not the time. “You can’t stay with me forever,” he said, softly, stroking her back gently.“I miss you so much Mamo-chan” Usagi whispered, “I don’t ever want to let go of you again,” and he hugs her a bit tighter. They stayed like that in silence until she fell asleep and was softly snoring against his chest. She was warm, and soft, and he could finally relax himself just a bit, trying hard not to think about what the next day and the days after that would bring.