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“Jensen, put the gun down”, Justin pleaded completely frozen in place, horrified to see Clay with a pistol pointed at his temple ready to kill himself.When he woke up this morning, Justin planned to go hang out with Zach at lunch and then hang out with Jess in the evening. He didn’t think he’d be spending the night trying to stop Clay killing himself.“Fuck off Justin, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!!” Clay roared, tears streaming down his face, a look of desperation and exhaustion in his eyes. Hand gripped tightly on the gun.It’d been around 2 months since Justin had unexpectedly joined the Jensen Household, and today was 2 weeks since he’d been officially adopted. Clay was originally content The trial had also concluded, and he finally felt that he could live some semblance of a normal life, with a new brother to boot. Sure he’d never asked for a brother, and never really wanted one, but Justin was alright really. Strip away that hard exterior and you’ve got a likeable softie underneath.Then the hallucinations started again. Originally, Clay thought it was just negative impulses, but those voices got louder and louder, they didn’t stop. It was impossible to function seeing and hearing them day in day out.First it was Hannah; “I’d still be here if you hadn’t left the room, you’re my murderer’. One of her regular taunts.Then Jeff made an appearance; “You should’ve died in that car accident, you should’ve stopped that car accident, if you’d stayed with Hannah non of this would’ve happened”.If Clay was being completely honest they were right. If he had stayed with Hannah, she would’ve lived, Jessica probably wouldn’t have been raped, Sheri wouldn’t have hit the stop sign so Jeff would be alive, Alex wouldn’t have shot himself and the various other nightmares wouldn’t have happened. But then he questioned if the Polaroids would’ve happened, and what would’ve happened to Justin, this internal conflict being stirred up by the ghosts of people he’d indirectly killed.The mental agony was driving Clay insane.In some ways the tapes gave him closure, at least for a while, he wasn’t a reason, he was just part of the story. Clay believed her at first, after all, the other 12 reasons were pretty monumental compared to Clay storming out at a party. But eventually Clay stopped believing her, as one of his sci-fi heroes pointed out once ‘Every great decision creates ripples, like a huge boulder dropped in a lake’“Jensen?” Justin asked, Clay didn’t seem to be listening. “Clay” Justin tried again, his voice close to breaking.Justin couldn’t believe it, then again, he knew very little about Clay’s mental health. He knew that Clay was a loner in school, was a regular target for bullies, and had been diagnosed with Depression at some point. But there was never any indication he would try something like this.“Justin I’ve got it all planned, please don’t ruin it” Clay begged.“Planned?” Justin’s heart sank.Clay’s plan was obvious, at least to him. He was directly responsible for the horrors at Evergreen, and he was going to enact justice upon himself tonight, and grant himself an eternal rest that he craved. With Justin now in the picture the blow on his parents would be lessened, it was an ideal opportunity that Clay couldn’t afford to waste.
“Come on Justin surely you know!” Clay mocked, raising an eyebrow when it became clear by looking at his face that Justin had no idea what he was talking about.“I really fucking don’t Jensen” Justin boldly declared “If it’s the adoption I’ll just leave and never come back”He meant it, if it would save a life he would leave. Justin hated Clay originally, but slowly they’d grown to trust one another. If Justin leaving would save Clay from this mental torment he’d happily do it. He’d already cost one person their life, he wasn’t going to do it to someone else.“No No NO!!” Clay roared, stomping his foot in anger and briefly waving the gun in disgust.‘Fuck’ Justin thought. He was trying his best, but he really didn’t know what Clay wanted“I want you here” Clay explained “If I’m gone my Mom and Dad need someone”Clay never doubted his parents would be upset if he died, they had annoyed him so much with their pestering and interferences in the past few years. Justin could step into Clay’s role and reduce the impact. That’s what Clay hopped anyway.“They won’t want me Clay, I’m a fucking reject!” Justin countered. It was true, according to Justin. He was a loner, a druggie, a failure. The Jensens would mourn eternally for Clay, if Justin left or died they wouldn’t give a flying fuck.“They’d take a normal sporty kid over a fucked up headcase who ruins everything” Clay pointed out, his finger was positioned dangerous close to the trigger, Justin had to act fast to save his adopted brother.“Clay please you’re not a...”“I am! Look at me Justin!” Clay interrupted. “Look at this” Clay stated, emphasising the gun in his hand “I take pills every day cause I’m fucked up” he said pointing the gun at his pill bottle“If only you could see them, they’d convince you I’m fucked up” Hannah and Jeff were sat on Justin’s bed opposite Clay’s. Clay had become so stressed about the ending his life thing he’d forgotten about them, something he hadn’t done for a long time.“Clay what the fuck are you talking about who’s they?” Justin knew who at least one of them would be.“Hannah, fucking Hannah and Jeff!” Clay declared pointing at them with the gun, but to Justin he was aiming the gun at an empty bed.“They’re in my head, they won’t stop talking!!” Clay said pointing at his head with the gun. The statement was ironic, as both Hannah and Jeff were having a rare quiet moment when they’d just stare at Clay solemnly. That was just as damaging as them talking though, so it wasn’t really an improvement.“Clay come on” She said, urging him to pull the trigger so he could be with her once again.
“
All I see is them, Justin, in my dreams I can; picture Jeff in the car, Hannah’s dead body, Jessica’s rape, everything!, it’s all my fault Justin I can’t take it anymore!”
Clay had had enough, it was now or never. It was then Justin took drastic measures. He grabbed Clay’s other hand, but instead of pulling the trigger, Clay just stood there and stared at Justin.“Clay, you gotta snap out of it, I deserve to die, not you” Justin proposed “I took the pictures of Hannah, I did all that fucked up shit, I let Jessica get raped” he added, voice cracking at the last word.Clay was blind sided, he never expected this reaction from Justin. The sadistic part of his mind thought Justin would be happy.“I’m a reject Clay, you’ve got sky high grades your family adore you”Clay’s grip on the gun was lapsing.“I couldn’t live with myself if someone like you died, and scum like me lived”Justin’s voice cracked as he finished his plea, a lone tear running down his face, Clay stood there in utter shock.“You’re not scum Justin” Clay said. It was true, Justin had done some fucked up stuff but in recent days he’d redeemed himself.“You’re not a headcase” Justin countered. Also true, Clay was fragile but he was just a kid a scared kid who needed help.“But she won’t stop Justin, how do I make her stop?” Clay pleadedJustin started straight into Clay’s exhausted eyes, in disbelief. He finally saw the real Clay Jensen, he was 17 going on 7. Clay had been putting on a brave face and taking all this shit he’d been given, he must be mentally exhausted. It put it all into perspective for Justin, at least he could stand up to some of the demons in his life, apart from heroin. Clay couldn't, he was defencless. Justin's grip on Clay’s hand tightened, Clay returned the favour gripping Justin’s hand as if his life depended on it, and in many ways it did.“We’ve got our issues, lets face them together” Justin proposed. A proposal that he hoped Clay couldn’t refuse, but Clay looked on the fence. For a while he stood in shock, Justin grabbed the gun aimed at Clay’s head and dropped it to the floor. He then grabbed Clay into the tightest, and most loving, hug he’d ever given. Clay broke into a sobbing mess.“I...I’m...sorry….Justin” Clay sobbed into Justin’s shoulder. “I can’t take it anymore”
“Shhhh” Justin comforted “You’re okay Clay, It’ll be okay” he said stroking Clay’s back and rocking him gently, allowing tears to fall from his own eyes. He hoped it would be okay, but Justin had no idea, he was terrified of what tommorow would bring, but he’d have to push thoughts like that to the side. Tonight was for Clay.After a little while Justin sat them both onto Clay’s bed and they stayed in a tight embrace for what seemed like an eternity. Clay didn’t want it to end, Justin’s arms were like a barrier keeping Hannah and Jeff at bay. Exhaustion soon caught up with him though and as the tears subsided he began to drift off in Justin’s arms.When Justin noticed Clay’s grip was slacking he decided to act quickly, he lay Clay on the bed and started undoing Clay’s trademark converse and pulling his jeans off. As he placed the quilt over Clay’s sleeping form, Justin briefly debated what to do next, but when Clay lazily grabbed for his arm, the decision was made for him. He hastily kicked off his shoes and jacket and climbed into the bed next to Clay. He wasn’t gonna let Clay out of his sight for the foreseeable future, if nothing else it’d keep him away from the heroin for a bit.‘Thank fuck the Matt and Lainie are away’ Justin thought. He’d have to tell them at some point, but right now he wanted to just be with Clay, keep him safe from the demons.Right now, he wanted to protect his little brother.
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Clay felt like he’d slept an eternity, the nightmares still came, the voices came, but each time they did, he was swiftly snapped out of it by two strong arms that encircled him, and the soothing voice of Justin Foley. It felt like he was in another world as the jocks (apart from Jeff and Zach) would push and shove him and call him names. Never in his wildest imagination did he imagine having one as a brother, let alone snuggling with him in the bed.Unfortunately Justin didn’t have a similar experience. He hadn’t slept most of the night, the sight of Clay with the gun was stuck in his mind. He had many questions; How long has Clay been hallucinating, Where did he get the gun from? What the fuck’s gonna happen next? Justin needed to shoot up, but at the moment he needed to look after Clay. He had to figure out what had happened and he needed to do it before tomorrow, that was when Matt and Lainie got back. Was he going to tell them about what happened? How was he going to get rid of the gun?Justin shifted in the bed so he was sitting up, accidentally waking Clay up in the process.“Justin?” Clay asked, lifting his head up to look at his adopted brother“Sorry” Justin replied “I didn’t mean to wake you”“It’s alright” Clay adjusted himself so he was laying on his side, staring up at Justin, who looked like crap.After a pause, Justin finally spoke. “Clay, we need to talk”“Not now Justin please” Clay said, swiftly pressing his face into the pillow. He didn’t want to pour his heart out to Justin, it would be too humiliating for words.“Yes now” Justin scolded, rolling his eyes “Do you remember what fucking happened last night?”No reply.“Jensen?” Justin asked sternlyAgain, no reply,“Alright Jensen, you wanna play games? fine” Justin declared getting out of the bed and ripping the duvet off.“JUSTIN!” Clay moaned, curling into a ball at the sudden loss of heat.“I’m serious Clay, get up now!” Justin demanded.“Just fuck off Justin, Jesus Christ” all Clay wanted to do was rest, everything was always too much to ask for in his life.That was the final straw. Justin reached over, grabbed Clay’s ankles and started to drag him off the bed. Clay then clung onto the corner of the bed.“PLEASE JUSTIN LEAVE ME ALONE!” Clay shrieked, continuing to cling onto the bed“Fuck no Jensen” Justin replied, tightening his grip and continuing to pull.The tug of war ended when Justin managed to pull Clay off the bed and they both fell to the floor. As they lay on the floor, Justin started laughing, hysterically at the craziness of the situation.“It’s not funny Justin” Clay exclaimed, his face half pressed into the carpet.“It fucking is Jensen” Justin replied, rolling around on the floor howling.Eventually Clay broke into laughter too and the two spent a good five minutes laughing their heads off. It was almost the polar opposite from last night. The laughing fit subsided when Justin spotted the pistol discarded on the floor. Clay spotted it to and an awkward aura soon filled the room.“Come on Jensen” Justin said, extracting himself from the floor and helping Clay up.Clay reluctantly followed Justin out of the room and after a trek through the house they found themselves at opposite ends of the kitchen table. Interview style.
Justin had all these questions swimming around his mind, but it was seemingly impossible to find one to ask, every time he tried to concentrate he just pictured Clay standing there with the gun.“What was the plan?” Justin asked, slightly surprising himself with how blunt it sounded. “Who did you want to find you?”“One at a time Justin” Clay lectured the colour had drained from his face “Jesus Christ”Justin couldn’t be arsed fucking around. “What was the plan Clay?” Justin repeated.“I dunno” Clay answered, awkwardly shifting in the chair.“The plan was pretty vivid last night though” Justin reminded him, feeling slightly guilty was how abrasive his tone was, but at the end of the day, he needed answers. If he was gonna start helping, he needed all the facts“Justin” Clay said, taking a deep breath “Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to be me?”“I know you’ve been through a lot, we all have..” Justin started, but Clay interrupted."No, you’ve got no fucking idea Justin, I spent most of high school taking shit from people, I was pushed around, they called me names, and I couldn’t fight back. My Mom and Dad just sent me off to Dr Ellman, told me I was depressed, gave me some pills and therapy and that was it. They didn’t have to deal with me and I didn’t have to deal with them, but the bullying didn’t stop” Clay stopped to wipe away a stray tear and take another deep breath.“The bullying didn’t stop, Bryce didn’t stop, Monty didn’t stop. You didn’t stop” Clay declared, pointing at Justin.“Clay, I’m sorry” Justin lowered his head in shame. He didn’t realise all the shit he’d given Clay over the years had affected him that much, Bryce and Monty were always the main aggressors, but as he dwelled on it he couldn’t imagine treating anyone that way now.“Too late Justin” Clay declaed “Far too late” He felt empowered, for the first time in a long time. Finally he was getting the chance to get his own back, to tell those so called “allies” that they had fucked him over.Justin didn’t reply, he just kept his gaze firmly down at the kitchen table.“You know when I met Hannah, I was relieved, finally there was something good in my life, something to aspire to but I fucked it up, you fucked her over and everyone else did their thing” Clay declared. He’d never truly forgiven everyone for treating her badly, but he also felt anger because nothing ever went right in his life, and Hannah was the crowning example.
“Then I had the tapes, all the shit from that, the Polaroids and all the shit from that” Clay continued, “Then they appeared” as Clay finished, “Hannah” and “Jeff” came into his eyeline and Clay averted his eyeline from Justin to them.Justin Foley was not a coward, far from it. He was a tough guy, he could take anyone on, and he could certainly beat Clay to a bloody pulp if he wanted to. But as he span around and saw that Clay was staring at nothing, at least for him anyway, he felt his blood run cold. He hadn’t felt this way since Seth throttled him.Not only did he feel fear, but he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces from guilt. The past few months he’d spent getting to know Clay had honestly been some of the best in his life. They actually had a lot more in common then he thought; they both liked the same video games, the same movies and TV shows, the same food, and both enjoyed going for jogs and walks around Evergreen.The idea that Clay was suffering this whole time without saying a word made Justin feel physically sick.“Anyway, got anything else you wanna hear, I’m getting it all out” Clay declared with a callous laugh. He felt a buzz from getting all this off his chest, and he probably wouldn’t feel this way again, at least not for a long time.“You never answered my question” Justin declared “What was the plan?” Now Clay was in a more coherent state, he wanted to hear what Clay had planned. Ideally Clay would say he was in the wrong state of mind and that he deeply regretted it, but sadly for Justin that wasn’t the case.“Oh you know” Clay replied “You’re here, Mom and Dad don’t need two problem kids, might as well get rid of one, might as well be me, I’m guilty as sin” Clay further declared, there were no more tears he didn’t have time for tears any more. Pretty much afirming what he said last night, much to Justin’s horror.“Jensen that’s unbelievable, you think they’d be happy you died?” Justin asked, he was genuinely shocked“Probably, they’ve fallen in love with you, I’ve been kicked to the curb” Clay replied, staring at a photo of his parents and him that was stuck on the fridge. “Fuck off Jensen, you know that’s not true” Justin countered but he had to admit, he had been spending a lot of time with Matt and Lainie. They’d initiated most of the contact though, taking him to get new clothes, Lainie did some legal stuff to let him get some of his stuff back from his old apartment.Justin also spent a lot of time in the living room with them watching TV or running errands, whereas Clay, the introvert, would rather spend time in his room. Justin had never had this dynamic before and he indulged in it, possibly too much.“It is True” Clay stated “That was the plan Justin, with you here, Mom and Dad had warmed up to you enough. I could finally leave my shitty life behind. I dreamt about it since I was 12” Clay declared proudly. It was true, when he was 12, Bryce grabbed him and threw him down the stairs at school. It fucking hurt, really fucking hurt. He promised to return and Clay remembered vividly lying on the floor, crying. No one came to his aid and he felt like that would never be the case, even with friends like Skye and Tony. He’d been brewing this plan to end it all since then, he’d begun to question why he didn’t enact it sooner“Jesus Christ” Justin muttered under his breath. He vaguely remembered that incident and remembered joking about it. He also remembered the countless times he picked on Clay, and the idea that he was doing that while Clay was near suicidal made him feel physically sick, so sick he had to take a deep breath before asking; “Where did the gun come from?”“Tyler” Clay replied“Tyler?” ‘Fucking Tyler’, Justin thought“Yeah we shot cans together it’s how he dealt with the bullying” Clay answered. “It’s really fun, he loaned me it while he’s away and I thought I’d put it to good use” Clay added. Tyler just assumed Clay wanted to shoot cans, he didn’t discuss his plans with him once, because he knew Tyler would most likely try to stop him.When it became clear Justin didn’t want to ask anything else about the gun, Clay decided to taunt him. In a sick way he was enjoying this, witnessing that tortured look on Justin’s face felt like revenge. It was liberating.“Come on Foley, surely you got some burning questions, might as well ask them now, I probably won’t be here tomorrow” Clay taunted“Fucking Hell Clay don’t say that” Justin demanded, he was practically outraged and a tear he’d been trying desperately to hold back fell down his face. He felt pathetic, but hearing these things from Clay had reduced him to a wreck. He was barely holding it together, but he had to.“Truth hurts doesn’t it” Clay further taunted.“Alright, answer me this, when did you start seeing all these fucking dead people” Justin asked, wiping away that lone tear and taking a breath.“When the trial started, I had flashes of Hannah, it pretty much destroyed my relationship with Skye” Clay admitted, he still felt guilty about what happened with Skye, she was yet another person he’d fucked over.“Then she just became a permanent feature, at first she just offered advice, then after her funeral I saw her leave, but then she came back” Clay stated, he really thought the funeral would be the final end to the Saga of Hannah, he thought she’d take the chance to rest. Instead she decided to come back and haunt Clay and his dreams.“Jeff also appeared too” Clay added and that fact was probably more distressing to him. Jeff was a good person, he didn’t take his own life. His life was stolen away in events that were partly Clay’s fault. It didn’t matter if it was indirect, the damage was done regardless.“Clay, they’re dead, not there or there or fucking anywhere” Justin declared pointing at various parts of the room “They died, they aren’t coming back, I’m sorry”“I know that Justin I listened to the Tapes, I saw the bodies and the tribute. I went to the funerals” Clay pointed out.“But they’re so real” Clay looked at Hannah and Jeff they weren’t translucent, they didn’t wear pure white clothes, they looked real. If they hadn’t died, you’d think they were in the room. Clay knew they were dead, and that’s what hurt him the most. He didn’t want to be a psycho yet he was, and the evidence of it was literally in front of his eyes, sat behind his adopted brother.Justin stood over to were Clay was staring, trying to prove to Clay that they weren’t real, but Hannah and Jeff just moved to another part of the room, and when Justin saw that Clay’s head had changed direction, obviously to look at them, Justin got up and slowly approached him.“We’re not going anywhere Clay” Jeff taunted “Not until you take responsibility” Hannah added.“I know, I’m going to, just please let me have this with Justin. PLEASE!! Clay shouted at the end, Justin hesitated before going forward, but he needed to get through to Clay.When he was finally in front of Clay he crouched down and looked directly at him, grabing Clay’s head and directing it to look at his.“Clay, they’re not real” Justin explained, crouching down and staring directly into Clay’s eyes. “It’s just you and me”“I wish that was true Justin “Clay confessed his voice cracking “I really do” Clay was startled when Justin started wiping Clay’s tears away with his thumbs.“Clay, I am so fucking sorry I gave you shit” Justin couldn’t stop his own tears, he was too ashamed of himself. Clay let out a hushed sob in response.“You could’ve just kicked me out, let me go back to Seth. You could’ve told your Mom and Dad to send me to a foster home. But you took a chance on me, I’ll never be able to make up for what I’ve done, but I am so sorry for giving you shit” Justin’s tears were practically free falling, so were Clay’s but as they fell, Justin wiped them away.Reciting that speech, reminded Justin of just how much of a good person Clay is. Sure he’d done some questionable things to get justice for Hannah, be he was all in all a decent person. He didn’t deserve to have shitty mental health, he didn’t deserve constant torment. Clay deserved better.“Please don’t give up, they wouldn’t want you to do this. They’d want you to live your life. I’m begging you Clay, your life is more important to probably the whole of Evergreen combined” Justin theorised. It was true, Clay was probably the most compassionate person Justin had known, you couldn’t tell because of how socially awkward he was, but if there was a good person in need, Clay would try his best to help.Clay sat there speechless, he wanted to give a big speech about how he wouldn’t accept the apology and berate Justin some more. He really wanted to tear him a new one, he felt truly liberated and wanted to continue. But the shock at receiving an apology, had stunned him, no one had ever said anything so heartfelt and real to him before. Justin truly meant what he said.Clay’s whole plan was to quietly depart and let everyone get on with their lives without the hindrance of him. He thought it would be easy, no one would really care. Clearly Justin cared, he couldn’t take his own life, Justin would probably fall to pieces. Clay had to stand up and fight, and with Justin by his side he could probably make it.Clay started wiping away Justin’s tears before pulling him into a tight hug, it was near identical to Justin’s the night before“I don’t want to die Justin” Clay confessed. It was a complete 180 from the night before“Good, I don’t want you to die either” Justin admitted.The hug was broken, by the sound of the front door opening. Justin and Clay quickly composed themselves the best they could before moving to start coffee and get breakfast. They’d have to tell Lainie and Matt everything but for now, they’d have to get their heads clear.Clay was gonna get help, and he was gonna do it with his big brother at his side.
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Justin Foley had some pretty bad days, they were usually the days his Mom got a new boyfriend, cause they weren’t nice people. This day had claimed the title as THE worst. He really needed to shoot up, but Clay was his priority now he could go another couple hours without anything.Right now, he had to think. 'I'll have to speak to Tyler, no first I'll have to get rid of the gun, no first I'll have to calm Clay down. Jesus Christ Foley, get it together' Justin thought.Clay's sobbing has subsided, Justin was really nervous, he didn't know how Clay would react, would he tear Justin a new one or bite his hand off?"Clay"? Justin whisperedClay lifted his head up and he looked awful; eyes puffy and red, cheeks glistening with tears, and his breathing was heavy."Deep breaths Jensen, okay, copy me" Justin did some mock deep breaths "In and out"Clay started mimicking Justin, but he was clearly struggling, tears were continuing to fall from his eyes."Look at me Clay" Justin gripped both Clay's shoulders "In and an out, In and Out"Eventually Clay got his breathing under control, he had to blink away tears to fix his gaze on JustinJustin reached over and wiped the tear streaks with the sleeve"Clay, we're gonna go to sofa and then I'm calling Tony" Justin explained, still crouched at Clay's level"No Justin please don't tell anyone" Clay, pleaded, shaking his head violently"Clay it's Tony he's not going to tell anyone, he's your best friend and he needs to know. Trust me" Justin askedClay nodded his head, reluctantly"Good, come on" Justin said, helping Clay up out of the seat and leading him to the living room. After sitting him on the softa, he chucked a blanket at him and Clay caught it."Lie down" and before Clay could object, Justin added "I don't give a shit if you don't feel tired, you look exhausted". All that crying must’ve taken it out of himFollowing the instruction, Clay wrapped the blanket round himself and lay down, falling asleep almost instantly. Justin paced around for a while thinking about what to say before finally dialling Tony’s number.'Tony was working away on his car when Justin called.‘Justin must've fallen off the wagon again’ Tony thought aloud before answering the phone"Hey Justin, what's up? Tony asked"Hi Tony, I uh" Justin hesitated, all that thinking he'd done about how to tell Tony had been pushed out his head."Is everything okay Justin, you haven't relapsed again have you?" Tony asked, bracing for the worst.'Yes, but I ain't telling you’ Justin thought. "It's about Clay" Justin said, he felt pathetic"Yeah what about him?" Tony asked, he growing increasingly concerned."He.....He...He's in a bad way" Justin finally said, his voice cracking"I'm on my way" Tony declared, slamming the car hood down "Where is he?""We're just in the house, I think you should come over I can't really say this over the phone" Justin admitted, he'd totally fucked it up"Okay, just stay there, I'll be about 10 minutes" Tony announced, getting into the car and hanging up.Justin put the phone down and, after seeing Clay fast asleep, he dashed upstairs, the urge to shoot up was too strong.Justin quietly crept upstairs, sitting on Clay's bed he felt ashamed, especially when he caught glance of the gun but he had no choice.He'd only just pulled his sock off, and braced the needle before there was a banging noise at the window.
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Justin sat on the bed, sock off, ready to inject. BANG! BANG! BANG! "WHAT THE FUCK!" Justin leapt of the bed, staring at the window, meeting the gaze of a very unhappy Tony Padilla. "Nice, Clay goes down and you shoot up?" Tony mocked, climbing in through the window."Fuck off Tony, I'm not doing that shit no more" Justin retorted hastily, trying to kick his drug tin under the bed"What's wrong with Clay?" Tony asked, swiftly changing the subject.Justin took a pause, before eyeing the gun again and pointing at it"Clay tried to shoot himself last night" He said, bluntlyTony muttered Spanish words Justin couldn't understand, but judging by Tony's tone of voice they were probably curses."I came in and he just had the gun to his head, I was able to stop him""Is it Hannah?" Tony asked"Yes, but he's seeing her" Justin explained"Seeing her? What in his mind?" Tony asked"No, uh yes, I mean, he's hallucinating"Tony shook his head "Where is he now?""Downstairs" Justin informed"You left him alone!" Tony said, bolting out the room"Jesus Tony chill" Justin shouted, dashing after him. The two were practically running faster than the speed of light, when they got downstairs the sofa was empty"Oh fuck CLAY!" Justin shouted, and Tony jumped in, also calling out his best friends name."Guys?" Clay askedJustin and Tony both jumped, and nearly screamed the house down, Clay returned the favour by jumping back, nearly falling over the table."Where the fuck have you been Jensen?" Justin asked"Why, do you think I was gonna slash a wrist Justin? Jesus" Clay taunted, returning to the sofa."Don't joke about that stuff Clay" Tony demanded "It's not funny"Clay chuckled "It is, the idea that you two actually care about me is fucking hilarious"Tony was stunned, they’d had ups and downs during their friendship, but it had never been this bad before"Clay, what the fuck is this shit?" Justin angrily questioned, he was close to beating Clay to a pulp "You're either a dick or a crybaby, which is it?" Justin asked, his frustration reaching fever pitch"Thanks Justin" Clay replied wrapping himself in a blanket "Shown your true colours again""Clay, we're trying to help, if you keep being a dick we won't" Tony explainedClay raised an eyebrow before replying "Okay then" "Tony I hate you, Justin you're a junkie, and your Moms a junkie too, you gonna let me nap now” Clay asked. That was the final straw, Justin stormed off in anger, Tony followed after him in disgust.“Justin wait” Tony called as he followed Justin out of the house into the Jensen’s back garden. Justin was covering his face tight, he couldn’t cry, he needed to be strong for Clay, even if Clay is being an asshole.“Justin?” Tony asked, Justin removed his hands and he looked close to tears. "He doesn’t mean it”“Sounded like he did Tony” Justin replied, his face a wash of anger, exhaustion and fear.“I know, there’s something wrong, seriously wrong” Tony explained “He’s never done anything like that before”“You mean it’s nothing to do with the depression?” Justin asked.Justin and Tony weren’t experts in the field of mental health, but it was clear that this was something more than depression and both of them would admit that. The mood swings, the hallucinations, it was either PTSD or a slow decent into psychosis, either way, it wasn’t good.Justin knew that Clay had depression, he found out when he saw Clay taking his meds. Clay was pretty candid about it. Justin was ashamed to admit that he had checked the label, in pursuit of a new high, but he heard some bad things about anti depressants. Clay also locked them in his draw anyway.Tony was the first person Clay told about his diagnosis, when they were both about 12. Tony knew something was up with his best friend, Clay was always a bit secluded and shy but he’d suddenly become fully withdrawn. In lessons he looked exhausted, and when it came to lunch he barely touched his food. When Clay told Tony about the depression, and seemingly got better, Tony felt a huge relief.“I don’t know, It could be severe depression I guess.” Tony theorised “I’m not a head Doctor foley, I’m a car Doctor”“He said he wanted me to replace him, and that his parents didn’t need two problem children” Justin explained “and before you came, he was wicked pissed at me, Bryce, Monty everyone”“Did you forget that you made his life a living hell?” Tony remarked, earning a shove from Justin in response. “It’s not weird if all these feelings bubbled over, you can’t let them build up”"I think he got some of it off his chest, now but I don’t remember discussing mental health with him” Justin admitted, shame slowly building in his gut“I haven’t, not since Hannah died, Jess hasn’t, Alex hasn’t, I guess his parents haven’t” Tony explained, he could list a lot of people who’ve let Clay down. Himself included“Tyler gave him the gun, they might have talked I don’t know” Justin theorised “I don’t wanna make a fuss, Tyler and Clay have apparently gotten closer, fuck knows why”“They were both bullied pretty badly, it’s not totally improbable, but I thought Tyler was hanging with Cyrus”“It doesn’t matter now I suppose, we should try listening to Clay” Justin said, slumping back into the house, but Justin stopped him“Justin, it’s not your fault okay"“Sure” Justin replied, and both went inside.