Work Text
Jose is an ordinary man who loves eating tacos, but 12 years ago he stole thirty million pesos to buy a Turbulent Tungsten Taco and he's still on the run, and has been for 12 years. The police shouldn't still be tracking him, right? Wrong. The government had finally found Jose after 12 years of non-stop searching and put a taco truck in front of his house that served a specialized taco that would explode Jose's insides because of the intense heat. But Jose knew, and he trained vigorously to build his heat resistance for the pasty six months, going through twenty-seven toilets in the process. Jose went to taco bell every day and has recently been eating the one chip challenge (One Piece reference) as a relaxing snack. One day, Jose made a salad with primarily Carolina reapers. After eating it and feeling absolutely nothing, Jose decides he's ready. He throws open his door confidently walks to the taco truck. He knocks on the door and it opens to reveal a fellow beaner. "Hola, mi frijole-er amigo!", he says happily with a mischievous grin. Jose ignores the greeting and just orders the supposedly deadly taco. The man in the taco truck serves Jose his food, and Jose opens his mouth and gulps the taco down it one bite. To him, it's no hotter than a Taki. But suddenly, his intestines start to burn and Jose knows he needs to act fast. To avoid incinerating his favorite gardening pants, Jose takes them off, then runs to the taco truck's gas tank cap. He then begins violently shitting spicy diarrhea into the truck's fuel tank. He runs away at super-mexican speeds and once he's at a safe distance, Jose stops and turns around. The spicy shit ignites the gasoline and the truck goes up in flames, and flies 50 feet into the air. Jose, knowing the government now fears his ass, goes on to live his life eating spicy foods in some random ass beaner city in the middle of a desert with his 4,752 cousins, 1,398 siblings, his parents, his 76 year old abuela, and his grandpa that might be a rotting corpse. He then bought the Turbulent Tungsten Taco for a discounted price of twenty-five million pesos.