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Dean was pissed . Not your average waltz-in-the-park, might-punch-someone-in-the-face kind of pissed. No, he was livid , maybe even fuming . Hell, he had left his brother behind at the scene of a hunt without a second though. That’s how pissed he was. Who was Claire to declare him ‘lovesick’? He wasn’t lovesick, and he definitely was not pining after Cas. Dean dropped his head onto Baby’s steering wheel, taking in the feeling of worn leather against his brow, warm from the drive to the Bunker.
He contemplated never moving from his seat in Baby. They were protected well enough in the garage of the Bunker, and it’s not like many people came to visit the cars in there. ‘Cause he wasn’t fooling nobody, literally everyone could see how in love with Cas he was. Sam saw it, Claire saw it, Jody saw it, shit - even Bobby could tell, and he calls people idjits instead of saying ‘I love you’! Dean could admit to himself that he wasn’t completely straight, but to say it out loud meant he could never take it back. To admit out loud that he was in love with Cas meant that if Cas didn’t feel the same way their friendship would never be the same.
Or, at least, it would never be the same for Dean. He wouldn’t be able to repress his feelings for the angel. He would spend every moment longing to touch Cas - a pat on the back, a hug that lasts too long, weaving their fingers together to fight off a cool night. Dean knows that he would fantasize about kissing Cas - what it would feel like to run his fingers through soft black hair, how Cas’ lips would feel against his. It would be impossible for Dean to resist, so he would push Cas away to protect him. But Dean doesn’t think he could handle losing Cas’ friendship.
Dean sighed and forced himself to sit up. If he stayed in Baby much longer it was likely that his back and ass would start to ache and his knee would lock up.
“Dean?” Castiel called, poking his head into the garage. Though he was still an angel, Cas had taken to walking through the bunker as to not invade anyone’s privacy. Dean thinks it’s rather sweet that the angel takes others' privacy into consideration, even though it’s likely because Dean had yelled at him a few too many times.
Dean sighed again and ran his hand over his face. He threw the door of the Impala open dramatically so Cas could hear him clearly.
“I’m in here.”
Castiel approached the passenger side of the car and opened the door to slide on the leather bench seat beside Dean. It always made Dean happy whenever he saw Cas interacting with the Impala in the way a human would. It was just more personal, and he had to make sure that his Baby and his Angel would get along.
Castiel squinted at Dean with his head cocked in a way that made Dean think that Cas shouldn’t be as adorable as he is, especially considering he’s a fully powered angel. That just makes it even cuter.
“What are you doing?”
Dean chuckled. “Just thinkin’ Cas.”
“May I ask about what?” Cas asked. “You do not have to tell me, but I can tell that something has upset you.”
Dean took a deep breath and held it as he carefully contemplated what he was going to tell Cas. It’s not like he could tell Cas what was actually bothering him, so he settled for a half truth. After all, the best lies always contain a grain of truth. Slowly he let his breath go.
“I’m upset with Claire,” Dean said sadly as he turned to face Cas with his whole body, his right knee pressed into the back rest. After getting comfortable, Dean continued. “I’m mad at her for not taking backup and she was asking personal questions that she had no reason to be asking about. I’m worried about her and I get scared that I’m not good enough to protect her. I always fail the people I care about, and I don’t want to fail her.”
“You have never failed me.”
“Really Cas? I pour out my emotions and that’s what you get stuck on? I’ve failed you so many times, but you forgive me every time.” Dean shook his head with a sad chuckle. “This is why I love you.” As soon as Dean registered what he had just said, he dropped his gaze and immediately began backtracking. “Shit - Cas, I didn’t-”
“I love you too, Dean.”
Dean’s head snapped up and his eyes narrowed. “No, buddy, I don’t-”
“Do not tell me what I do or do not feel!” Castiel snapped, the smell of an approaching thunderstorm - of ozone - hung thick in the air. The lights in the garage flickered
and the air vibrated with a hint of Castiel’s true voice. “Do not presume that my love for you is strictly that of philia or storge. ”
Castiel’s voice rang through the car and the rest of the bunker, leaving Dean with ringing ears and tears of shock in his eyes. Then, with a rustle of his wings, Cas was gone. Dean shot out of the car and ran towards his room, running into several door frames on the way, tears rolling down his face, fearful that Cas had abandoned him yet again. When he made it to his room Dean was shocked to see Castiel sitting on his bed, holding his face in his hands.
Dean dropped to his knees as a wet sob tore its way out of his chest, filled with relief that Cas didn’t leave him again and the self loathing that came after every fight they had. Dean didn’t even notice Castiel had made his way to Dean and sank to his knees until he had pulled Dean into a gentle embrace.
“I thought you left!” Dean sobbed into Cas’ shoulder as Cas ran his fingers soothingly through Dean’s hair, gently scratching his scalp. Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s head, just above his ear.
“I am so sorry psechi mou . I have never wanted to leave you.”
Dean shook with uncontrollable emotion, but Castiel held him tight and would never let him go.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
On the way home from the hunt, Claire had begun feeling guilty for threatening to shoot Dean. She wasn’t guilty that she had gotten him to admit his feelings, but she probably should have waited until she and Sam had talked. She hates that he never got to come out on his own time, but Dean was stubborn and none of them were getting any younger.Sam informed her that he doesn’t think Dean would have gotten his head out of his ass long enough to admit his feelings for the angel, despite them pining after each other for literal years. She feels a little less guilty and lets Sam convince her to stop for food when they were about twenty minutes from the bunker. Neither Sam nor Claire had eaten lunch before they hit the road, so they were hungry. It was also a good opportunity to get a peace offering burger to bring home for Dean. Dean had a hard time staying angry while stuffing his face with a burger that had enough daily cholesterol for three people. And Cas wouldn't be angry with her if Dean wasn’t, so giving Dean some time to cool down seemed like a good idea too.Sam pulled into the bunker about fifteen minutes after they had gotten Dean’s food due to the fact that, like many other hunters, Sam saw speed limits as a suggestion, and Claire wasn’t driving because she was almost in a food coma from a burger of her own.
As soon as Sam shifted her car into park she flew out the door towards the kitchen, figuring he had cooled off and become hungry enough to search for a snack. When neither Castiel nor Dean were in the kitchen, Claire spun on her heel and marched towards Dean’s room, ready to tear him a new one if he was still hiding and sulking like a child.However, she didn’t make it too far. The sound of a breathy moan stopped her in her crusade. Another, even louder moan caused her to drop the bag with Dean’s food in it and sprint towards the garage, grabbing Sam by his arm and dragging him along.“What’s going on?”“We’re going to get a motel for the night.” Sam began to protest, but Claire just yanked on his arm even harder. “You don’t have to worry about me feeling guilty anymore either Sam. I just really want some brain bleach.”