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"From what I've seen, it isn't so much the act of asking that paralyzes us--it's what lies beneath: the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of rejection, the fear of looking needy or weak. The fear of being seen as a burdensome member of the community instead of a productive one. It points, fundamentally, to our separation from one another."― Amanda Palmer
One of the biggest defects in life is the inability to ask for help. ―Robert Kiyosaki
Tony watched as the shield carriers he had helped design plunge into the river, his work
once again used by the bad guys. His stomach twisted as his mind worked, he knew he had been distant from the team. The lot of them scattered around the universe at the moment, he had his own shit he had dealt with. But seeing this, seeing Steve's face plastered over all the news a few days after this had all happened...well it wasn't a pleasant sight to see. He had been calling the lot of them over and over again trying to find where Steve was. Natasha hadn't picked up, Steve wasn't picking up either and none of this brought him any comfort to be frank.'Sir?'Tony jumped out of his revelry at the crisp British tone of JARVIS, how long had he been looking into this?"Yeh J? You find him?" Tony swiveled in his chair turning towards the screen JARVIS had been using to locate the good Captain. Like hell he was going to sit here and wait, this no contact thing was making him uneasy. Was he okay? The word 'dead' was flinging around in his head but he wasn't going to go there just yet. Not until he couldn't prove otherwise, Steve was alive he had to be.'Indeed I have sir, it appears he is at your front gate asking for entrance'Tony choked on his coffee, Steve was here? Of course he was, always with the entrances and they said Tony liked to make an entrance? Steve was 10 times worse than he was mostly because he never meant to make a entrance.
"Let him in J, get him in here why didn't you say so sooner?" Tony swore the AI scoffed at him, when did he learn to do that?'I have been trying sir, but you were as Ms. Potts likes to say, not listening'
Maybe it was Pepper's fault, no matter Steve was alive and he was here. That was good news right? Tony made his way to the front door in the quickest way he could, not before he had JARVIS start some coffee and tea he wasn't sure what almost 100 year old super soldiers liked to drink. He yanked the door open when it chimed and all the words he had been about to say died on his tongue. Steve looked for lack of a better term 'like shit' his arm was in a sling and his face was bruised and even had stitches on his lip and above his eyebrow. He was holding himself like he was still in pain and that would not do. Tony was a fixer, he fixed things and yes he even tried to fix people much to their dismay."Hey Tony..." Christ even his tone sounded wounded and sad, Steve was not supposed to look like this. He had been beaten to hell after New York but he hadn't looked...so weary. Like the universe was crushing him like that one greek god guy who held up the sky...what was his name again? Not important right now Tony! Focus on the blonde haired dumbass about to pass out on your front steps."Jesus Christ Steven, what the hell happened to you? Why haven't you answered my calls? I have been-" He had been about to say worried but he wasn't sure they were at the friendship stage when you say you have been out of your mind worried sick about someone. Even if he had been but Steve didn't need to know that yet, the man had at least enough grace to look sheepish."It um, it broke? I would've gotten here sooner but I only got out of the hospital this morning and-""Hospital?! You were in the hospital and no one told me? I swear to God Romonoff is going to-" Steve's weary tone broke off his rant again, he sounded so beat down and Tony did not like it.
"She's been busy, can I come in please?" Always so polite, where were Tony's own manners? He hurried Steve into the living room, he didn't miss the heavy limp he had when he walked as he got the man onto the couch. Steve grunted like he was trying to hide how much pain he was in. Didn't he have meds for this?"You look like shit, don't you have pain meds?" Steve had let his head fall back onto the couch closing his eyes. He looked young like this, he was young when Tony thought about it. He had fought in so many wars, didn't the kid deserve a break? It was that moment he saw Steve shake his head. No? What did he mean no?"Don't work, burn through them before they can help." That would not do either, adding to the list of things he needed to fix ASAP."You eaten anything Rogers?" No answer, he looked asleep nope no sleeping not yet. Tony tapped his forehead right between the eyes, the crystal blue eyes opened and looked only slightly annoyed at Tony."No sleeping yet spangles, have you eaten Steve?" He shook his head again, that was an easy fix let's start there."No, was in the hospital for three days and they couldn't do anything else so I made them discharge me." Tony pulled out his phone, food was the first matter of concern he also should text Pepper so she isn't shocked when there is a hunk of Steve on her couch."Okay you need to eat, what do you feel like? We have Thai and Italian oh and the new Indian place not far from here to-" Steve grabbed his arm, the hold was loose and way too weak for Steve.
"Simple...please something simple if you are going to make me eat." There was that bone weary tone again, okay Stark what is simple? Then an idea popped into his head, he tapped his phone again just to make sure and…yes. Perfect!"What about soup and sandwiches?" Steve nodded at that, perfect he ordered a bunch of different kinds of soup and sandwiches. He wasn't sure what Steve liked and he knew the guy could pack away food better than most. He ordered the whole menu, that way he could pick and choose what he wanted."Okay, that should be here in a little bit. Wanna tell me what happened to you?" Steve wasn't answering again, "Hey J give me a run down on his injuries would ya?"
'Full body scan complete. It seems Captain Steven G. Rogers has a healing broken femur on his right leg, a healing severe concussion. A broken cheek on left side with his black eye. A broken nose, 8 broken ribs, whiplash. 10 bullet wounds ranging around his upper body and leg and still has a low grade fever from a minor infection from the wounds being exposed to germs from the river. His lungs also had water in them as he nearly drown sir, as well as severe sleep depravation'
"Jesus..."'It seems he is asleep sir'"Yeah I am getting that, is there a way to make him more comfortable? Talk me through it." It took carful maneuvering to get Steve laid propped up on his big couch cushions, he had slid a pillow under his healing broken leg and arranged more pillows to support his battered body. Tony got into the linen closet Pepper had filled with blankets and sheets and spare pillows and took all of the blankets in there. With more carful placements he packed Steve's ribs with ice. The guy was so utterly exhausted he only had a few sharp intakes of breath while Tony was doing this. 30 minutes later he was done and Steve was sleeping peacefully on his couch, now it was time for work.
Tony took his coffee and started compiling all the information he could, Natasha had done that date dump he wanted all of it. He jumped again when he felt the slender body of Pepper lean onto his shoulders. He looked up and saw her warm and kind eyes, God he loved her. She smiled at him and kissed him at the corner of his mouth, he hated and loved it when she did that."Sorry didn't mean to startle you, what are you working on?" She was speaking in soft hushed tones, she had clearly seen the sleeping blonde on their couch."Trying to figure out what happened to him, he showed up and passed out. I found the hospital records and it said he hadn't really slept as they couldn't keep him under. Must had finally lost the battle with sleep if he passed out here." Pepper huffed amused as she slid into his lap and looked at him, combing her fingers through his hair. He knew that look, that was the look he got when he missed something obvious."Or maybe he just needed somewhere he felt safe, if half of what is on the news is true he hasn't felt that in a while." Safe? Steve felt safe here? His eyes traveled back to the sleeping man, he still looked like shit but his body needed rest, to heal. Tony felt this protectiveness come over him. Like what he had when Rhodey was in trouble, or when Happy had been in the hospital. Another person he now cared about and would defend with all he had.
"So he came here for a nap?" Pepper rolled her eyes and kissed him again, she stood undoing her hair as she did."JARVIS said that food you ordered will be here soon, I am going to go shower and no you can't come stay with him for now." Tony still watched her go with that oh so lustful bit of him wanting to go after her. To worship her body like he knew she liked, but it felt strange with Steve asleep a few feet away. Like having your younger brother in the house, kinda puts a damper on the mood. Tony went back to getting as much info as he could when he heard Steve moved. The kid groaned, kid? Was he a kid? He was in his late twenties but Tony was in his 40's and right now he looked like a kid."Steve?" Tony stood and walked over, the man in question had his eyes open and were blinking lazily. He was confused but apparently he felt secure enough he hadn't panicked. His eyes were looking at the mess of pillows and blankets Tony had arranged around him."I fell asleep?" His voice rough and full of sleep, his hair mussed as he turned his head to Tony."Yup, fell asleep sitting up that is terrible for your neck by the way. You should not have been let out of that hospital Rogers." Steve signed at the words and closed his eyes again, he needed to stop that. That wounded puppy look was going to be the death of him and if he died because of it he swore he would haunt Steve for the rest of his life."They couldn't do anything else, didn't want to be there." Ah, he didn't like hospitals like how Tony didn't like small dark places. Maybe Pepper was right, he needed somewhere he felt safe and for some unknown reason it was here."Yeh I am gathering that." Tony sat on the coffee table so he could look at Steve, he didn't look as hollow but still he had that ghostly thing hanging around him. "Be straight with me Steve, what's got you having that look huh? You look like you've seen a ghost and or like you've broken something of mine." Steve shrank back a bit, closing his eyes and took a few measured breaths. Tony didn't like that, this was bad whatever was weighing on the guy was not good news."You heard about SHIELD? Hydra?" Okay this was not where he thought this was going, not at all."Yyyeeeessss?" He drew out the yes as long as he could, what was he getting at? "Hydra was SHIELD and blah blah, I read what Romonoff dumped on the web." Steve nodded his eyes still closed, he took another breath."The Winter Soldier..." The scary guy with the metal arm, he hadn't gotten far on that front. Just that he was this ghost been killing for like 70 plus years, this ghost story who was very real."He...he's Bucky..."Tony's eyes widen as he leaned back looking at his friend, Steve had this look of pure aguish on his face. Holy fuck, Sargent James Barnes, Steve's best friend who had long been thought killed in action. Alive and working with Hydra?
"Steve-" Steve shook his head waving him off, sitting himself up a bit."No let me finish, he was him but wasn't. Natasha thinks he was brainwashed and he doesn't even know he was a person he didn't know who I was but yet he did know...God I wish I could explain this better, I had to try and stop him to save him-" It was Tony's turn to cut him off, the truth smacking him the face."Steve did he do this to you?" Steve stalled and he nodded, taking a few more breaths."Yeh, we fought he could've killed me but...it was like he knew that he knew me. He stopped we fell into the river and Sam said he dragged me to shore before he vanished."
"Wait who's Sam?" Steve looked at Tony then, he still had that look in his eye and it made Tony want to burn to hell anyone who made his friend look like that."Sam Willson, I made a new friend he drove me here I said I needed to talk to you first..." Ok Sam was a good guy, noting that for later, he needed to deal with this first."Right okay, so Bucky is not Bucky because of who knows what they did. What else?" That was when he saw a real look of fear in the younger mans eyes, he looked worried but he went on."I found files...on Peggy and Howard on what they did. Howard...they saw him as a threat to their cause...they...oh God Tony they..." Tony felt that cold of shock go over him, his parents had died not because of an icy road but because Hydra had them killed. Tony stood rubbing his jaw, this was all a lot he turned and looked at Steve and the look in his eyes said it all."Steve this isn't your fault-“"Im so sorry Tony I just...I wanted you to hear it from me and...Tony I don't know what to do. He isn't...I have to find him I have to help him..." Bitterness tried to rear its head, this man brainwashed or not had killed his mom...had beaten Steve almost to death and he wanted to help him?"What if he can't be helped? What if you can't save him Steve?" Now Steve was looking him in the eye and Tony saw that spark he knew the man had. The defiant determination he had, he had been wrong about the goody-two shoes thing. Steve did what was right even everyone told him it was wrong, no matter who was in his way."I have to try...if it was Rhodey if it was Pepper or Happy...would you try?" Oh damn it! He had to say that, because yes he would try. He would do everything he could, he would tear down the gates of hell if he had to but yes."I know I have no right to ask...I didn't know how else...Tony other than Sam I only really trust you." That was a blow from left field, he trusted him? What the hell was his life?"Really Steve? Why?" Steve sat up more and winced as he did, Tony put another pillow behind him as Steve nodded his thanks."You've always been up front with me, never treated me like I was this relic. You treated me like a person, yeah you're kinda an ass sometimes but you've never been fake with me Tony. After finding out more than half of the people you thought were friends all lied to you and were paid to be your friend? I wanted authentic." God this poor guy, this had been a year or so of hell for him and now here he was in his living room. Looking so lost and dejected and for some crazy reason thought of Tony as a friend. After all the resentment and bitterness towards him, he still thought of Tony as his friend."Okay Steve I get it, laying it on a bit thick." Steve smiled then actually smiled, that was sight for sore eyes."Had to ruin a touching moment Stark.""Always Rogers, so what exactly are you saying?" Steve looked him dead in the eye, there was that puppy look again.“I need to find him, to try and help him and I know I have no right to even think about asking but you-""Steve the point" Tony cut off the rambling, spit it out is whatever it was. He nodded and said clear and simple."I'm asking...if you will help me do it...despite what he has done...will you help me?" There it was, not often did people ask for his help. They begged sure, demanded of course. Threatened for it, that happened more than he cared to admit but very little asked, even Rhodey hardly asked he demanded or expected. Which of course Tony would do but this was different, only Pepper had done this before and she was his girlfriend. He knew he could say no and Steve would be understanding, he wouldn't hold it against him he would just go and do it himself and thank him for his time. But he had asked, he could've just as easily not said anything about this. Tony would still no nothing about his parents death and it could've stayed that way. But he had told him, and he was asking for his help...fuck it he had done worse things."Yeah Rogers...I am in."***3 months later
Tony liked Sam Wilson, the guy was so level headed and loyal it shouldn't be allowed. No person like this should be allowed to exist, makes the rest of the human race look bad. After that night when Tony had agreed to help it started pretty quick, Tony had met Sam the next day and the way he made Steve not do stupid shit well Tony liked. Tony had started by getting all the info he could from the data dump on the Winter Soldier. Natasha had given Steve a file which had helped and honestly the more he learned about what Barnes had gone through the less anger he was able to hang onto. He was doing this for Steve not because of Barnes, but the detailed files on the methods used to break him...It made Tony shudder, would take him back to the cave and the pain and torture he had gone through. He couldn't blame Barnes, he wouldn't have lasted as long as he had under their torture. Steve had been healed up in about a week, lucky bastard. The hunt had begun after that, earth was a big place and there were a lot of places to hide. Barnes seemed very good at hiding.Now 3 months in they were no closer to finding him then they were before. Speaking of Sam had just walked in tossing his coat over the chair. Tony was on his laptop working on some stuff for screening new employees that were former shield. He turned his gaze to their newest bird themed member of the team even though he denied it."Another dead end?" Sam was pulling a beer out of the fridge and turned to meet Tony's gaze. He took a huge gulp of his beer before he nodded, Tony sagged he had been so sure about that one."Yeah, he was there it seemed but it was a while ago. No trail, just like all the other times." Tony stood and tapped on his phone it was time JARVIS did some more digging, he didn't even have to give the command the AI seemed to know at this point to always be searching and to double his efforts."How's he taking it?" Tony asked as he grabbed a drink of his own, but his was these stupid juices Pepper was onto him about. JARVIS had tattled on him so now he was forced to suffer with the healthy gunk."Bout as well as you can expect him too, he's frustrated it is clearly getting to him." Tony nodded as he headed for the door."Pizza is on its way, where is he?" Sam flopped onto the couch and pointed to the garage, funny normally that was his own hiding place. He walked in and didn't see him at first, he wasn't working on anything he was sitting at the entrance to the driveway. His shoulders bent over as if he was looking at something. As Tony stepped closer he saw all the pictures of sightings they had in the last few months. No pattern, no rhyme or reason for each place he was in before. No signs that he remembered, the only hopeful one they had was right after Steve has come to Tony. There had been footage of Barnes in the Captain America exhibit, he had stood there for a while."Hey spangles, wanna come in for dinner Pepper will be home soon and it is frowned upon to sit in the dark alone." Steve huffed, it was an amused
sound which made Tony feel a bit better. The guy had been through it, the more they learned about what happened to Barnes the more Steve seemed to blame himself. Tony understood the feeling, but he knew that drowning in the 'what ifs' didn't help ones mental health. He grunted as he crouched next to Steve, laying a hand on his shoulders."Hey, we will find him I promised we would and Tony Stark keeps his word.""Thank you...I just thought we would have more of a lead at this point..." Steve started putting stuff away, Tony wished Natasha was easier to get a hold of. She hadn't been seen since that day at the cemetery, they could use her expertise in this. This was spy shit, that was when he was struck by an idea. By Thor why hadn't he thought of it sooner?"Yeah...you go on in I need to make a phone call." Steve gave him a perplexed look but obeyed as he gathered his files put them neatly away and went inside. Tony waited until he was inside before he puled his phone out. It only took a minute to find the number and less than that to dial it. The phone only rang for a few seconds before they answered, Tony grinned.
'What do you want Stark? I'm a busy guy'
"I need a favor" Tony heard a clear noise of surprise at the there end of the line, they had to help. They would help...'I ain't killing anyone for you, I have a code ya know?'
"It isn't for me, it's for Steve he needs our help"'Steve? Is this about what happened to Nat? The shield nonsense?'"Bingo, ten points to Ravenclaw. Look this is spy shit and I need help here, we are turning dead end after dead end and Romonoff is ghosting me. You were the logical next choice Barton." Clint scoffed at the other end of the line, he liked Barton more over he trusted him with this.'Yeah she filled me in, Winter Soldier right? What do you need from me?'"Help finding him, the places we have located him he is never there by the time we get there. None of it makes sense, will you help?" Clint hummed at the other end of the line, thinking.'Why me Stark?'
Fair question, he knew it was coming which was why he knew the answer, "Becasue we are real short on people we can trust right now, I trust you Barton. I trust the folks that were in the fight with us in New York and we need that right now."'God damn, might get Cap a run for his money in the speech department. Alright, I'm in send me what you got so far and I will see what I can do. Natasha is handling some personal stuff but she will be back as soon as she can'"Alright, thanks Barton. I mean it."
'Don't sweat it, thank me if I find something'With that the line clicked off, Tony hoped this worked because they were running out of options.
***
4 Months Later
They had been eating when Clint had burst in, all wide grins and sarcastic attitude. He dropped a file before all of them and sat in his own chair putting his boots on the table. Steve slowly took the file Sam leaning over to see for himself, Tony met Clint's gaze and the cool confidence gaze gave him hope."What is this?" Steve asked clearly confused as he started to spread out the findings Clint had brought."That my friends is what our friendly neighborhood brainwashed victim is doing, I knocked a few skulls and come to find out he is burning old Hydra fall back bases. The places made for if Hydra fell these were the fallback places, seems Barnes has enough of himself that he isn't going for the head, he is going for the heart." Tony took one of the pictures of a destroyed Hydra outpost, bullet holes and burn marks on the walls."Damn..." Sam whistled at the damage done, seems the fist of Hydra had turned on Hydra."I finally got a hold of Nat turns out red room isn't as dead as we thought. Seems that the next target on Barnes' war path is linked to the red room." Tony took the next batch of photos Steve handed him as Sam started to lay them out on the table"And?" Clint grinned at Tony, a wide full mouthed grin."And Stark, I know where he is heading next AND if we use one of them new jets you have we can be there before him. Double combo, take down another Hydra base and get Barnes." Tony looked at Steve who had that look he got, his Captain look. The two Avengers looked at each other, nodding."Ok Avengers, get dressed birdy here is gonna fly us lets go." Clint stuck his tongue out at Tony but smiled nonetheless. Okay, Tony's inner circle was growing and maybe just maybe he was okay with that.
***
3 Months Later
Barton's intel had been rock solid, they had found the base and Barnes. Natasha had shown up with a blonde snarkier version of herself. They had burned the place to the ground, it had taken Steve and Nat working together to bring him in. Things had gotten crazier from there, Bruce had come back of course and apparently he had met a king. A kind king or so he said, more over he had met his daughter who was a genius who was itching to leave their kingdom.
Meeting a crown prince and princess from Wakanda was not something he thought he would do. Thor seemed to follow shortly after Bruce, the huge god ever the golden doodle in his eagerness to help. Tony now had a full tower full of all kinds of peoples, yet here he was standing next to Steve behind two sided glass while a team of surgeons worked on the scar tissue on Barnes' shoulder. Almost to the day a year since Steve had turned up on his doorstep beaten to hell."Thank you" Tony jumped, they had been so quiet for so long the sudden voice had startled him. He looked up at the taller man, he hadn't turned his gaze from the glass."What for?" Steve looked at him then, his gaze so very serious."For helping me, for doing this despite all he did."
"It wasn't his fault Rogers, I see that now. I was tortured for a few months and I almost broke. His was 70 plus years. I can't fault him for it." Steve hummed as he watched Bucky behind the glass. Bruce and Tony had come up with pain meds that worked on Steve in that time, same stuff they used on Barnes. Natasha had been the one to learn that them cutting his arm off had not been down with any drugs other than a paralytic. Feel everything but not being able to move or even scream, Tony shuddered at the thought."And the pardon?" Steve's question was so soft, that last dark cloud over his head. Could Barnes be allowed back into normal life? Tony had been gathering intel for almost a year concerning this, they had the best doctors working with him. Best therapists and most trusted, his main therapist was a kind women named Dr. Miller which had agreed to all the hoops Tony had in place to make sure Barnes was safe. Barnes shared an apartment with Sam and not Steve as she thought it would be better for him. Barnes was quiet as of now, Shuri the little princess had made a brand new arm for them and T'challa for some reason had brought his own team doctors to help with the trigger words. While the Avengers continued on Barnes' quest to dismantle what was left of Hydra. But the question remained if they could get a pardon for the former POW, Tony was prepared to fight like hell for it."I have a shit ton of evidence that shows what they did to him, the abuse the torture. I have hundreds of pages to prove he had no choice in what happened. Plus he has been responding well to all the treatments, been nothing if not compliant with most of it. I can't see why he wouldn't." Steve nodded but said anyway."People use people like him as a target for what evil has done...are you sure?" Tony looked back at the asleep Barnes, they were attaching the new arm.
"Yeah I am." Tony said as Steve laughed softly, wetly.
"How?" Tony just grinned."Because, I got him a REALLY good lawyer. Never seen a smaller firm be more trustworthy. They will be here tomorrow to start the case." Steve nodded and there was the last bit of darkness lift from him. A year ago Steve had come to him and asked for help, all of this came from it.
He hadn't told Steve his idea for a suit of armor around the world, he would after this blew over. If he had learned anything in the last year was it was okay to ask for help.Maybe now it was his turn to do that, Steve would be there too. Would help him...Because that was what friends...what family did