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my eyes snapped open at the loud crash of something breaking. with a groan I dragged myself out of bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. my mum burst into my room before I could get any farther.
"sorry if I woke you up hun." she smiled sheepishly.
"don't worry about it." I muttered as I scratched my head.
with another apologetic smile, she stepped out of my room.
sighing, I checked the time. 7:06.
I could probably sleep for another hour and a half before school however, I knew my mum would most likely need help considering her clumsiness. she meant well though despite her best efforts, she ruined almost everything she touched.
grumpily, I stomped down the stairs to find my mum frantically trying to stop the smell of burnt toast from the toaster. within seconds the smoke alarm began to emit a loud shriek.
"shit!" she cursed.
I put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped.
"s-sorry hun, I thought you had gone back to bed." she mumbled, looking at the ground.
instead of answering, I grabbed a towel and began to fan the smoke.
"go back to bed mum." I soothed and she frowned worriedly.
"i hope I didn't wake Rob up..." she murmured and quickly turned to the direction of the stairs.
with that I sighed and trudged after her for another hour of sleep."bye mum." I called as I exited the house.
no reply.
the cold October air nipped at my exposed skin and shit I really should've worn something warmer. with that last thought I shoved in my earbuds and let the sound of 'drown' take over me.
as I approached the bus stop I felt a hand on my shoulder and I rolled my eyes because I knew exactly who that was.
"fuck off luke." I growled, shrugging his hand off my shoulder.
as I turned to face him I noticed his lips were moving but thanks to Bring Me the Horizon, he was inaudible. I rolled my eyes and gestured to my earbuds. he simply smiled and pulled them from my ears.
I glared at him. "didn't I already tell you to fuck off?"
he smirked and god I wanted to punch him in the face.
"don't you know it's rude to ignore someone when they're talking to you?"
I scoffed at that.
"shut the fuck up hemmings."
at that moment the bus finally decided to show up.
I stepped inside and payed my for my ticket.
spotting the only seat available, I quickly sat down and put earbuds back into place.as the bus halted to a screeching stop, I peered out the window to see my best friends josh and tyler waiting outside for me. I smiled to myself and quickly exited the bus.
"hey bud!" josh greeted me.
I nodded in response and pulled out my earbuds.
"what crawled up your ass this morning?" tyler asked.
I groaned.
"that stupid hemmings kid."
josh laughed. "he's still annoying you?"
I nodded in confirmation.
they both laughed, as they both knew of my hatred for the tall blonde.
just then the bell went off, signaling the torture to begin.
my friends waved to me. "see you later ash."
I replied with a simple bye and headed to my first class. "okay class. today we're going to be doing a presentation on a musical artist of your choice."
the statement was met with a chorus of loud groans, to which the teacher chuckled.
"it gets better!" mrs. andrews smiled. "I'm partnering you up as well."
double groan. with my luck. i'll get the stupid blonde kid.
"sarah and caleb."
"harry and liam."
"alex and hailey."
"luke and ashton."
my heart skipped a beat. fuck no. the world couldn't hate me this much!
"oh i'm sorry, I meant ashton and michael and luke you're with oliver."
like that was any better. michael clifford was luke's best friend along with calum hood.
"alright." she spoke once she was finished calling out everyone's names. "now lets get together with our partners." mrs. andrews exclaimed.
I saw the dyed blonde kid coming my way so I simply got out a piece of paper with a pencil.
"so..." the blonde announced his presence. "who do you want to do?"
my eyes widened as the blonde laughed.
"no! not like that!"
I smiled despite myself and thought of my favourite bands.
"do you like the foo fighters?" I asked.
Michael smiled.
" dave grohl?"
I returned his smile.
"dave grohl." I confirmed.
mike wiggled his eyebrows.
"maybe dave grohl can be our always."
I felt like punching him.
"way to ruin the moment! I swear to god if I hear another the fault in our stars reference, I'm going to cut a bitch."
the other boy laughed and began to skim over the criteria list we were given. as we researched for our project I couldn't help but wonder how Michael was friends with luke. the blonde was so annoying and you couldn't get him to shut up. mike on the other hand was pretty chill and funny.
"do you wanna come over after school and we can get started?" mike asked.
I nodded
"yeah sure."
"oh I almost forgot, do you mind if my friends calum and luke are over as well?"
I grit my teeth. of fucking-course.
"uh... I guess not."
the blonde smiled.
"great! meet me at my locker after school."
before I could tell him I didn't know where his locker was, he grabbed his pen and scribbled a number on my wrist.
"that's my locker number." he explained.
I nodded just as the bell rang.
Michael waved goodbye as he hurriedly chased after his friends.
I couldn't help but sigh deeply. why me?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The rest of the day went by really quick for Ashton, which the boy dreaded. "Hey Ash!" He turned to see Josh hurrying towards him. "Hey." Ashton muttered as he shoved his books into his locker, following with slamming it shut and turning to look at his red haired friend.Josh's eyes clouded with concern. "Are you okay? What's going on?"The honey blonde rolled his eyes. "I have to go to Michaels house for a project." With that being said, the boy started off in the direction of Michaels locker. Josh laughed and kept pace with him."You're going to have so much fun! Is your favourite blonde going to be attending this party too?" Josh asked throughout his laughter.Ashton simply groaned and rolled his eyes. "Don't fucking start with me." His friend laughed harder. "Well alright I have to get going. Tyler wants to play the new call of duty." His words caused the hazel eyed boy to pout. "Please please tell me you're joking. You guys wouldn't be so cruel as to play without me!" He pouted. Josh smirked. "Have fun at your orgy and tell me the details!" He winked and quickly turned in the opposite direction. His words caused Ashton's face to turn a bright red and other students to give him disgusted looks. "What the fuck are you looking at?!" He snapped and instantly everyone became interested in the floor. "That's what I fucking thought." He muttered."Hey Ash!" A chirpy voice greeted the boy. He whipped around to glare at Luke. "Only my friends call me that.""I know!" The blonde winked while the brunette scoffed. Michael soon came into view holding his backpack. "Okay guys, ready to go?" We all nodded in unison and headed out the double doors that lead outside."There's my mum." Michael announced. I followed his gaze to see a cherry red suv and a middle aged blonde woman sitting in the car. "Dibs shotgun!" Luke squealed and raced towards the car. Michael laughed as Calum scowled. "Mikeeey he always gets shot gun! I want to ride in the front for once!" The raven haired boy whined and pouted.Michael wiggled his eyebrows. "You may not be able to ride in the front but you can ride me." Calum glared at him as Ashton's hazel eyes widened."Um...are you guys like...dating?" Ashton questioned as the trio set out towards the car. Michael chuckled as Calum made a disgusted face. But it was the brown eyes boy who answered. "Yeah no. Michael wishes he could have a piece of this!" His statement caused both Michael and Ashton to chuckle. After we were all seated, Michaels mum turned around to look at me. "You're new?" She said almost like a question.Luke giggled. He fucking giggled. "Oh yeah! That's Ashton, he's new to our group.""Actually," Ashton interjected. "I'm only here because Michael and I have a project to work on." Michaels mum laughed. "Oh okay gotcha! What's your project on?" "Dave Grohl." The brunette replied."Oh my god! Like Foo Fighters Dave Grohl?!" Luke squeaked.Ashton couldn't help but be surprised."You listen to them?" He asked sounding slightly skeptical.Luke rolled his eyes. "Uh yeah! Who doesn't?" For the rest of the car ride, it was extremely quiet, until Michael smiled. "Here we are!" The car rolled up to a cute white house with a pretty garden in the front. All the boys instantly ran inside and up the stairs."Okay so Luke and Calum, you can play Fifa and Ashton and I are going to work on our project." Michael instructed once we got up to his room. The boys happily obligated and took a seat on the dyed blondes bed."Alright." Michael murmured once we were sat at his computer desk. "How do you want to go about this?" After about a hour, the boys were getting antsy. "Mikeeeeee." Calum whined and made grabby hands in the boys direction.Michaels eyes were filled with amusement. "Whaaaaaat." He mimicked the tan boy. "You've been working on that project forever! Come play Fifa with me because Luke sucks ass."The blonde looked truly offended where as Michael laughed and took a seat next to Calum. Luke moved to Michaels seat so the blonde and brunette were sat beside each other. "Sooooo." He drawled out but Ashton ignored him. "I guess it's just you and me." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.Aston turned to him in a deadpan manner. "I'm not gay."Luke smiled playfully. "Oh?" At that point, Ashton chose to focus on the virtual soccer field, until a small ping emitted from his phone.Frowning the honey blonde pulled out his phone from his back pack, seeing he had a text."Dude what the fuck is that?" Michael laughed. Ashton glared at him. "It's a fucking phone." Luke giggled again. "It's a flip phone! Haven't you heard it's 2015?"The boy locked his jaw but ignored the boys and checked his text.Mum <3: hi sweetie, I think it's best if you don't come home tonight... Maybe stay at a friends house. I love you The hazel eyed boys heart stopped for a second."Fuck." He muttered and quickly grabbed his things, shoving them into his bag."What's going on?" Calum asked in concern."Uh...nothing. Everything's fine. I just uh need to go home." The boy turned his attention to Michael. "Uh can we finish this another time?" The other boy nodded and bid him a hasty goodbye. Just like that Ashton ran out o the house and towards his own.Within 15 minutes, he was home."Please!" A voice whimpered.The boy raced off to the source of the voice and was met with a tall figure looming over his mother, who was crumpled on the floor."Ash I told you not to come home!" She yelled as tears streamed down her face."Get the fuck away from her!" The brunette screamed at the dark man. He moved away from his mother who was in hysteria. "Ashy... how nice of you to show up." He purred and Ashton felt his stomach churn. He turned back to my mum. "Now I can finish up with you..." "No! Get away from her! I'm here now so leave her alone." His tone went from angry to pleading desperately.The man his mother married smirked and took a step closer to me. "Wait for me on my bed sweetheart." "No Ashton! Please no, go no!" My mum wailed."Shut the fuck up bitch!" My dad growled and lunged towards her."Wait!" I yelled. Both heads turned towards me."I-I'm going. J-just p-please leave her a-alone." Ashton whispered and slowly turned towards the stairs, ignoring the sounds of his mothers broken sobs and preparing himself for what was going to be a long night.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
My eyes slowly opened at the jolting feeling of someone shaking my body."Ash... Sweetie."I squinted at her and rubbed my eyes. She looked devastated. Then again I would be too if my son was in bed with my so called lover.She cleared her throat and looked away, clearly feeling uncomfortable despite how many times this has happened. "You should get going to school." She murmured and absentmindedly stroked my hair.I hummed. "Yeah I'll get on that." When I looked into her pretty blue irises, I instantly regretted it. She had to bite her lip to keep her sobs from coming out and tears were threatening to spill at any given moment."I'm so so sorry Ash. You know if I had a choice that we wou-""Stop." I interrupted her. "There's always a choice. We'll think of something." I told her even though I didn't believe it myself. However, she wiped under her eyes and offers me a smile. "Right well I'll let you get ready for school."I simply nodded and crawled out from under the sheets, without sparing a glance at the sleeping shape I knew was behind me. "Bye mum!" I called out before quickly closing the door and locking it.I felt bad for leaving her there with that monster but I guess I didn't have any other option in the matter."Hey Ash!"Of fucking course."Shut the fuck up Luke." I growled and quickened my pace."Wait!" He called and I heard the hard pattering of his feet on the sidewalk. When I turned to him he had a new contact page open on his phone along with a shit eating grin."Oh hell no." I muttered and pushed the phone away from me. "Ashton."The sound of his heavy foot falls stopped and so did I as I turned to look at the blonde in confusion. I don't think I've ever seen him this serious before and I could honestly say I didn't like it one bit."Please just humour me. If you really get annoyed with me then just block me or delete my number." He reasoned with the expression of a kicked puppy.I sighed but snatched his phone from him and filled out the information. The tall boy smiled sweetly at me as I returned his phone. "Thanks Ashton."I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck and looked at the ground. "You can call me Ash." My statement was met with the blondes eyes lighting up. He then started walking again and I followed suit."Can I ask you a question?" He asked almost timidly.I glanced at him before looking straight ahead once more. "What's your question?""Why do you have a flip phone?"I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. "It's better then nothing." He looked like he wanted to say something but, clearly thought better of it and closed his mouth."So uh, do you want to go get a coffee after school?" He asked. I immediately shook my head. "Can't. I have to go home right after." The blonde looked disappointed and he opened his mouth but the buses screeching wheels drowned out his voice. "Ashy!" Tyler's voice sounded as he raced towards me with open arms. I chuckled and met him halfway. "Sooooo, how was it?" He asked excitedly and I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about."How was what?" My friend rolled his eyes."Hanging out with Luke silly! Did you change your mind about him?" I scoffed."Fuck no. He's still an annoying prick. I mean he walks around thinking he's better then everyone and he can't take the damn hint that I want nothing to do with him. I don't even know how many times I've told him to fuck off." Tyler's eyes had widened as I continued on my mini rant."Uh...Ash..." I turned around and followed his gaze. Of fucking course Luke was standing right there. The blondes mouth was a jar and tears brimmed his eyes."Luke..." I tried."No." He dead panned and flipped me off. "Fuck you Ashton." I winced and turned to look at Tyler who was shaking his head in dissapointment at me. "To fucking far Ashton." He said and turned around. With that being said, I turned right around and went back to the bus."Ash! Wait!" A voice I called. I hopefully turned around, praying it was either Luke or Tyler. However it was Josh that was looking concerned.I faked a smile and waved to him. "Wait!" He called again but, the bus was already leaving. I quickly pulled my phone from my pocket, deciding to text my step dad telling him I'd be home. Just as I finished, my phone emitted a small ping. I opened the text to see one from Josh. Josh <3: :( I didn't reply and instead, I stuffed my phone back into my pocket. "You alright kid?" The bus driver asked. "Uh, yeah." I murmured, but I didn't even convince myself. Then there was silence. 10 years later, the bus finally pulled up my stop. I thanked the bus driver and quickly jogged home. As I approached the house, I pulled out my key from my backpack and unlocked the door. "Mum?" I called out as soon as I had entered.Silence.Then footsteps.I took off my shoes and threw my backpack to the floor. "I'm sorry I didn't go to school I just-" I turned to see my step dad smirking at me. "Lucky you." He practically purred.Oh shit."Your mum already left for work so, I guess you'll only have me for company." He chuckled and closed the distance between us, reaching out to stroke my cheek. I flinched and backed up until my back was against the door. "N-no please." I begged, desperately wanting to be anywhere else but here.My begging seemed to make him extremely angry and my eyes widened as I realized my mistake. Oh well it was to late to take it back now."What the fuck did you say to me you little shit?" I felt a wave of adrenaline crash over me. "I said no." Suddenly I was gasping for air, as his hands wrapped around my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Sounds like someone forgot the deal." He growled menacingly. My eyes fluttered closed as I felt the oxygen leave my brain, only to be replaced with memories. "Stop it!" My thirteen year old self screamed, as the man kept relentlessly hitting my mother. The woman was a sobbing bloody mess and I couldn't do anything about it. "Or what?" The man sneered. I bravely stood my ground. "Or I'll call the police!" I threatened, holding up my brand new iPhone that my mum had bought me for my birthday. He aimed one more kick at her ribs before standing up and slowly stepping towards me. "Go ahead." He encouraged, which confused me. "However, if you do that, she'll be dead before the call is over." I blinked, tears dripping like my eyes were faucets. "No!" He smirked. "Put the fucking phone down." I began hyperventilating as I cautiously passed him my phone. Within a flash, he threw the phone into the wall where it shattered. "How about we make a deal kid." He smiled kindly, which scared me even more. I remained silent. "You do whatever I want, whenever I want and I won't kill her. However if you refuse...well you can kiss goodbye to your mother." He smirked and put a hand on my shoulder. "Understand?" I stared at him increadiously. "I said, Do. You. Understand?" He spit, glaring at me." My eyes traveled to where my mum was laying on the ground, sobbing. I couldn't imagine a world without her in it. I couldn't lose her. "I-I understand." I whispered. He smiled. "Good then go to your room." Sparing one last glance at my mum, who nodded at me, I obediently scrambled up the stars. Once I was in the safety of my room, I broke down. Little did 13 year old me know, that that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. My eyes reopened and I had become numb. "I remember." I whispered, looking into his steely gray eyes. He smiled crookedly. "Great. Then let's go." I glared at him with pure hatred."No.""Excuse me?"Even though I knew he would probably kill me, I held my ground. "I said no."The grip around my throat tightened and i could feel myself becoming lightheaded. "You're being bad Ash. And you know what happens to bad boys?" He leaned in to whisper in my ear. "They get punished." With that, a stinging feeling blossomed into my eye socket. The pressure at my throat diminished and I instantly fell to the ground. A tighter hold had been placed on my wrists, as I was dragged up the stairs. "No!" I screamed and started thrashing around. "Stop you little bitch!" He yelled, his hold tightening until I could feel my circulation being cut off.Then nothing.That's when I realized I was falling. I heard a crunch and everything went black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Ashton?" A high pitched voice sounded and I squinted one eye open. "Sweetie why are you on the floor?"
I hesitantly lifted myself up in a sitting position, my body screaming in protest. My limbs felt like they were made of cement and my head was pounding. I looked around and saw that I was indeed on the floor, but not where I had last remembered, I was now in my room. My vision blurred temporarily until my mum came into focus. She was hovering over me with a concerned look on her face.
"Darling what happened to your face?" She gasped.
"Um..." I turned my head to look at the floor. Anywhere but her eyes. "We uh had a...disagreement." I murmured l and gingerly brought a large hand to my eye.
My mother looked at me in concern. "You can stay home today sweetie."
Her words sent a chill down my spine and I rapidly shook my head. "No I-..."
She cut me off with a gentle kiss to the top of my head. "Okay if you're sure..."
I leaned in to give her a hug, but pain exploded in my wrist, causing me to cry out.
"Ash what's wrong?!" My mum asked, her eyes wide with alarm.
I grit my teeth. "My wrist." I breathed, slowly pulling it into my vision. It was quite swollen and purple. Well fuck.
My mother carefully rubbed the area gently and I gasped, snatching my wrist back which only resulted in more pain.
Her blue eyes were apologetic. "I think we should go to the doctors." She told me.
With ease, she took my good hand in hers and lifted me up.
Once we were at the bottom of the stairs, she wasted no time in grabbing her coat as well as her shoes.
"And where do you think you two are going?" A rough voice questioned.
My mum looked up at him and stumbled over her words. "Oh well...um, I think Ashton broke his wrist...so I thought I-I would take him to the d-doctors..."
My step-dad growled, his hands clenching into fists. "And how much is that gonna cost me?"
"Well...I, I don't know yet." She squealed nervously. A sinking feeling pitted itself in my stomach. His eyes traveled to me and his face hardened. I immediately looked down.
"And you...do you think I have money to pay your bills because you were to weak and wouldn't listen?" His voice was eerily calm and I flinched. I decided in that moment that I really didn't want to deal with him this early in the morning.
"Um on second thought, I feel fine!" I sent a fake smile in my mums direction.
"Good. Now get your sorry ass to school." He growled, turning and dissapearing into the living room.
I hurriedly slipped on my vans and called out a goodbye to my mum, who looked like she was going to break any second now.
I fished around in my jeans pocket and pulled out my phone, checking the time.
8:43
Shit, I had two minutes.
Within a second of that thought, a bus stop and a lonely blonde came into my view. I slowed down to a walk.
"Hey..."
The blonde didn't even look in my direction. Not that I could blame him though.
"Luke..."
"What do you want?" He muttered, still not looking at me.
I scratched the back of my neck nervously. "Uh...I've been thinking about yesterday..." I trailed off, desperate for any sign of the old Luke. "And I guess I just really want to say...I'm sorry." I finished. A stinging sensation erupted from my wrist. Wincing slightly, I cradled it into my chest.
Luke turned around, with a small smile playing at his lips.
"Thanks...I really appreciate that." His smile instantly turned into a frown, when he caught sight of me.
Well fuck. I hadn't brushed my hair or my teeth, in my haste to go to the doctors. I was even still wearing the clothes from yesterday. In other words, I looked like shit.
"What did you do to your hand?" He asked, frowning. His statement confused me. Out of everything, he only noticed my hand?
Trying to play it off, I looked at it, as if I was just noticing it. "Oh? I don't know?"
The blonde looked at me, exasperated. "It looks like it's broken..."
In that moment, the bus decided to pull up next to us.
A small warm hand latched onto my good one.
"Come with me." The blonde murmured, with a determined look on his face.
I raised an eyebrow, but let him tug me behind him. As soon as my house came into view, I stiffened. I felt panic begin to claw at my heart and stomach. What if he's going to ask my mum what happened. What if he was going to call out my step-dad. What if-
"We're going to my house." The boy spoke. A huge relief spread through my veins. "My mums a nurse so she can fix your wrist for you."
I abruptly stopped, causing him to turn around in confusion.
"What is it?" He asked, clearly concerned as he took a step towards me.
I looked at the ground, cheeks flushing a deep red. "I...I don't have any money." I whispered, feeling ashamed. My wrist was throbbing and my brain was telling me to turn around and leave. However, I stood my ground and found the courage to look into Luke's pretty eyes. Wait pretty? I didn't mean that I meant-
"Ash don't worry about it, honestly." The blonde smiled and reached for my hand once more.
I pulled away. "Luke I can't just take your money."
He looked at me with desperation. "Ash please let me help you."
I sighed, knowing he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Alright."
Luke brightened and instantly grabbed his hand again.
"You know you don't have to hold my hand right?" I chuckled embarrassedly.
The blonde smirked at me. "I know." After about 10 more minutes of walking, Luke stopped in front of a large White house. I couldn't help but look up at it in awe. Feeling a nudge, I looked up at the taller boy. "C'mon." He encouraged, with a smile.
Once we were inside, Luke instantly called out for his mum. A short blonde woman peeked her head around the corner. Her eyes narrowed slightly when seeing me.
"Luke..." She greeted in a clipped tone. "Why aren't you at school and who's this?"
"Oh this is Ashton, he's a friend of mine and I told him you'd look at his wrist." Luke replied.
His mums face instantly softened and she ran over to me. "Of course Hun, come on in. My names Liz by the way."
I smiled at her gratefully, and slipped my shoes off.
"Right this way, she gestured towards a long hallway with a door at the end.
Once we were inside, Liz sat at the large white desk and gestured for me to sit in the chair across from her.
I gently placed my wrist on the table.
The woman looked at it carefully for about a minute before she announced it was broken.
Her crystal blue eyes bore into my hazel ones. "What happened?" She asked.
I looked away. "I fell down the stairs." It wasn't a complete lie but I still felt bad for not telling the truth. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't ever tell anyone. I already knew the consequences that would follow. Back when I was thirteen my step-dad probably wouldn't have killed my mother. Now however, I was pretty certain he was capable of anything. When I looked back at Liz, she was looking at me with disbelief.
"Alright well if you just wait for a moment, I'll drive you down to the hospital and we'll get you all sorted out."
"Oh I didn't bring any mo-"
"Nonsense. I'll pay for it don't worry." Liz assured me and stood up. I did the same and we returned to the main entrance, where Luke was waiting. "Let's get to the car boys." Liz said as she grabbed her keys and opened the door.About 5 hours later, I was sitting in my driveway. "You sure you don't want to come over?" Luke asked.
I nodded and rolled my arm around. It was currently in a black cast and I still wasn't used to the feeling.
"I'll walk you to your door."
The familiar feeling of panic swept over me.
"No!" I shouted and Luke turned around looking alarmed.
I looked into my lap. "Um you've just already done so much for me..."
The blonde scoffed and I heard the click of his seat belt.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I looked up and gave Liz a genuine smile. "Thank you so much for everything."
She smiled back. "Anything for Luke's friends."
I unbuckeled my seat belt and joined Luke on the other side of the car.
The tall blonde smiled and grabbed my hand.
Fearing my dad would see, I snatched my hand back and instead laced my fingers together.
The boy frowned but didn't say anything.
I carefully knocked on the door.
Footsteps thudded on the other side of the door and each one was like another beat my heart missed.
Suddenly the door opened and my dads scowl turned into a smile when he laid eyes on me. I tried my hardest not to flinch. I could see in his steely eyes that he was pissed.
"Ash...who's this?" He asked, looking Luke up and down.
I dropped my gaze to the floor. "Uh, this is my friend Luke."
To my left, the boy smiled. "Hi, it's nice to meet you sir!"
My step-dad raised an eyebrow. "What kind of friends?"
I blushed fiercely. "Just friends." I clarified.
Luke laughed and when I looked up to see him, my dad looked like he didn't believe me.
I turned to Luke. "Once again thanks for everything."
He smiled and engulfed me in a hug. "Don't worry about it! I'd do anything for you Ash."
My cheeks heated up as the lanky blonde waved goodbye and jogged back to his car.
When I turned back around I was alarmed by the fire in my step-dads eyes.
"You are so going to get it." He growled.
Once again, it was an extremely long night.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I'm a wanderess
I'm a one night stand
Don't belong to no city
Don't belong to no man
I'm the violence in the pouring rain
I'm a hurricane
Chapter 5 Honestly this week was shit.The second Luke's car had pulled away from view, I was slammed into a wall as Rob whispered what he would to me if he ever saw me with Luke again. Being the weak coward I was, I had nodded along and kept my eyes on the ground.After the conversation took place, I had raced up the stairs and wiped under my eyes, hoping that it would prevent the tears from falling. But of course it hadn't and I had sat in bed on my phone crying as I googled how to unfriend someone in real life. Most of the posts were long but one said to simply cut all ties with them and they would then leave you alone. That seemed to be the least painful idea so I had slowly been working up the courage to go through with it. Currently, I was seated in my English class. The room was loud with laughter and a million conversations. To be honest, I was thinking about how many times it would take for me to hit my head on my desk for me to actually die."hey, how's your arm doing?" a small voice asked behind me and I froze because I knew that voice. It was unmistakably the soft tune of Luke's angelic voice. Not that I'd tell him that of course. The blonde had been making my task of pushing him out of life for good, impossibly challenging. He had been nothing but nice to me since that day when he helped me. I was at the point where I couldn't even look at him without guilt coursing through me. He didn't deserve to be treated this way and truthfully I didn't deserve him.Without turning around, I mumbled a quiet, fine and pretended to be writing down the notes the teacher left on the board. She had temporarily left the classroom, after having to make a run to the printer for more papers. The moment the clack of her heels had disappeared, the whole class was in an uproar.I made the mistake of looking up into the crystal blue eyes looking at me with hurt evident in them. He looked so sad as these had been the short conversations that had occurred between the two of us for this week. I immediately wanted to apologize and tell him I was sorry for making him so sad. However I remembered the conversation I had had with my step-dad a week ago. "If I see that kid with you again, it wont be you who suffers."At my horrified expression he continued."Oh no, I'll find that blonde punk and I'll put him in his place.""Don't you dare." I growled, glaring at him with all the hatred I could muster."Stay the fuck away from Luke."He simply chuckled and started to walk away. "Well you know what you need to do to keep him safe." Hearing his words echo within my head I knew that now matter how hurt Luke was now, I was doing the right thing to keep him away from that monster. "Are you okay Ash?" he asked, concern overtaking the hurt in his eyes.I nodded and sent him a fake smile. "Yeah I'm fine."His eyes narrowed and a mixture of emotions flooded in. Disbelief, distrust, doubt, anger and almost a knowing look. "Don't lie to me." the blonde told me sternly, narrowing his eyes."I'm not so please leave me alone." I turned back to my desk and continued to write down the notes.Before the blue eyed boy could argue, Mrs. Andrews returned. "Luke please return to your seat and for the love of god, please be quiet!"This silenced everyone for the rest of the class. "Ash! Hey wait up!"I turned around to look at Michael who was sprinting towards me."What's up?" I asked, adjusting the strap on my backpack. It was the end of the day and I really wanted to go home. Well not really but I for sure didn't want to stay here."We were going to hang out today, do you want to come with us?" He questioned, shifting from foot to foot as people grumbled that we were blocking the exit.I thought about it carefully as I weighed out my options. My mum didn't usually come home before 7 and I knew that Rob was always home due to the fact that he was an accountant who worked from home. But at the same time I knew that Luke would be there as well. However, I would rather have a million more awkward conversations with the lanky blonde then be home alone with my step-dad.I nodded and sent a genuine smile to my friend. Could I even call him my friend? We had only started talking for a couple of weeks.The newly dyed red haired boy visibly brightened. "Great! We just have to wait for Luke seeing as he's the one driving."I nodded absentmindedly. I really hoped things wouldn't be awkward but deep inside, I knew that they would be.We turned around and backtracked to the blondes locker. He was on his knees as he dug through the overflowing amount of crap that stood in a mountain inside of his locker. Calum was beside him and he must have said something funny because the blue eyed boy's nose was scrunched up as he laughed, a sign that I had picked up as his face when he was truly happy. I pushed down the jealousy as we made our way towards the pair and plastered a small smile on my face. Luke looked up at the sound of our footsteps and he frowned."Mike I told you I didn't want him to come over." he whined with a pout as the red head came towards him. And I'm not going to lie, that hurt.Michael gave the unhappy blonde a warning look before grabbing Luke's bag for him. "Get over it. I wanted to hang out with him so he's staying."instead of replying to Michael, Luke turned to Calum who had been quietly watching the scene with a raised eyebrow."You ready Cal pal?" the tall boy asked with a teasing smile.The darker skinned boy glared at him. "Stop calling me that or I'll start calling you breadstick." he threatened, crossing his muscular arms in front of him.That comment ceased Luke's laughter and he flipped off the Kiwi boy. Even though I had been to Luke's house before, I still couldn't believe the size of it. If anything, it seemed more magnificent now then it had the first time I had first laid eyes upon it.Everyone piled out of the jeep as we made our way towards the blonde boys house.Liz opened the door before we were even up the steps with a big smile stretched across her lips. "Welcome boys, it's nice to see you again Ashton. How's that wrist feeling?" She questioned in a pleasant manor.I smiled and looked into her eyes. I could definitely see where Luke got them. "It's feeling fine thanks again Liz." I replied and pulled her in for a hug. She seemed surprised by my actions but immediately relaxed and hugged me back."Look at that Luke, Ash is better friends with your mum then you!" Michael joked. However when I released the woman and looked at the blonde, I could see he was far from laughing. His shoulders were tense and his hands were balled into fists. "Can we please go somewhere else?" he muttered through grit teeth.I scratched the back of my neck nervously as the others nodded. With a small wave of farewell to Liz, I followed the boys as they made their way upstairs. They stopped at a door on the left side of the hallway. Luke opened the door and I had to shield my eyes at the blinding white. Once I reopened them, I was once again amazed. The room was completely white with only the minimal amount of stuff in there. There was a bed of course, along with a dresser, a desk, a nightstand and an acoustic guitar that sat on its stand in the corner of the room. The bathroom was also a spectacular sight, being completely composed of white marble. Although, I couldn't help but be confused. Luke didn't seem like the type of guy to be so crisp and well completely white. I expected his walls to be dark with band posters scattering the walls, room cluttered just like his locker at school is. When my focus returned back to Luke, his face had took on a look of distaste and I frowned."What's the matter?" I asked him, confused as to why he would look so annoyed.It was Calum that answered me. "He wanted his room to be pretty much the opposite of what it is but, his mum insisted it would break the theme of the rest of the house."The sight of movement caught my eye and I looked to see a pair of sheer white curtains cover a large glass door that led to a large balcony, overlooking the garden in his backyard. It truly was beautiful and I couldn't help but feel envious for everything the blonde had. He seemed to have the perfect life.I had been so busy looking around that I hadn't realized the boys had started to converse as they playfully shoved each other. Honestly I was afraid to touch anything because of the fear I had of breaking something."Do you guys want to play some video games?" Luke asked. Everyone cheered and he chuckled. As the trio made their way towards the bed, I couldn't help but be confused. I had thought the TV was downstairs, why was everyone gathering on Luke's king sized bed?The lost feeling I had must have projected itself to my eyes, as Michael chuckled and patted the space between himself and Luke. I hesitantly occupied the space and looked ahead only for my jaw to drop. There was a fucking big ass TV that covered a huge portion of the wall my back had been facing."How big is that thing?" I gasped in shock.Luke shrugged like it was no big deal. "200 inches."And okay I knew they were rich but a 200" TV? I didn't even know they made TV's that big."Cal can you pass the remotes." the blonde asked.The tattooed boy reached into a drawer of the nightstand and pulled out four wheels accompanied by Wii remotes.Once they were distributed to each person, Luke selected the role of player 1 and started up Mario Kart.I grinned and shifted my position so I was sitting with my legs criss crossed. My knee connected with Luke's and I waited for him to retract his leg and send me a scowl. However, he smiled down at our touching knees and continued with setting up the game. I felt relived at this small action. I knew I had hurt the blonde boy this week and I did really feel bad about it. I deserved the cold treatment he had been giving me but, it was nice to see that he didn't completely hate my guts."Are we doing teams?" Michael asked from his place beside me.Luke thought about it, before he nodded. "Yeah I dib's Ash."A spark of happiness ignited in my heart. Luke actually wanted to be on my team? He didn't even know if I could play the game and he still wanted to be on my team. It probably wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it out to be, however I could care less.Finally the time had come for us to pick our characters. I went for my usual Yoshi and Michael picked Mario like the basic bitch he was. Calum seemed to be conflicted over who he should choose where as, Luke selected Peach and smirked to himself. I raised an eyebrow but chose not to comment on the subject. After a minute, Calum settled on Bowser."We're going to slay your asses." Calum promised us as he fist bumped Michael. For probably the tenth time in the past couple of hours, Calum let out a screech of fury as I hit him with a blue shell once again. A loud crash told me that the Kiwi boy had thrown his remote again. At this point, Luke wasn't even trying to hold back his laughter. Tears had come to his eyes after him and I scored ourselves first and second, like we had done every race before that."Aw is wittle Cally throwing a tantrum?" The blonde teased, seeing the look of self-loathing Calum had as he crossed his arms in front of his chest."If it makes you feel better Cal, I came in fifth." Michael offered, putting a hand on the boys shoulder.This seemed to make Calum's mood even worse, as shook off Mike's hand. "No Mike, it doesn't make me feel better! For the last 32 races we have come in 5 place and lower. Do you think that is fucking acceptable? We need to win. And this fucker," his chocolate eyes turned to me as he pointed an accusing finger at me. "is going to be destroyed." Luke and I were still laughing but agreed to one more race nonetheless.This time I made sure to let Calum claim first place and took on fourth for myself. This seemed to please him as he stood on top of the duvet and exclaimed how he was the best player. I chuckled to myself as the blue eyed boy beside me checked his phone."Shit its getting late. Do you want me to drop you guys off?" Luke asked, getting off the bed to stretch his arms over his head. And no I totally didn't look at the exposed milky skin that became exposed from underneath his soft gray sweater."Sure." Michael answered for the group and followed Luke's lead in getting off the bed."Would you mind if I used your bathroom before we go?" I inquired.The tallest boy shook his head and gestured towards the large bathroom invitingly. As I went to wash my hands, I noticed there was no soap. "Hey Luke, where do you keep your extra soap?""Second drawer!" He hollered back.I opened said drawer and frowned as a tinkling sound came from inside of it. Had I broken something? I pulled the soap from the drawer and put it on the countertop. Still curious of what made the noise, a glint caught my eye and I picked up the object hidden in the corner."Did you find it?" Luke called from the other side.My voice wasn't currently working as I stared at the small blade. I didn't want him to become suspicious so I quickly cleared my throat and confirmed that I had as I turned on the tap to wash my hands. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn't just put it back, that would be like encouraging him to continue on with whatever harmful thing he was using it for. Without really thinking it through, I turned the taps off and dried my hands, closing the drawer and slipping the weapon into my jean pocket. I opened the door, trying my best to look calm and causal. Throughout the whole car ride to Michael and Calum's houses, I couldn't get the blade out of my head. How could I have not noticed? I could truthfully say that I had never seen the blonde wear a short sleeve shirt. It was only long sweatshirts and sweaters. How long had he been doing this? Why did he do it? I was so focused on my thoughts that I barely recognized that the two boys who had occupied the backseat were now gone."Are you okay?" Luke asked. His pretty blue eyes looked like the ocean on a stormy night."Yeah, sorry. I've just got a lot on my mind you know?"The boy nodded as he turned onto my street. "Yeah I get that a lot too."It was quiet as we pulled into the driveway to the place I call home. I checked my phone and saw it was nearly 8:30.""Thanks for the ride." I murmured as I undid my seat belt."Yeah, anytime."I reached for the door handle so I could exit the car, when Luke spoke up."Wait."I turned around to look at him questioningly.He all of a sudden got quiet and looked into his lap, playing with his hands."Um...my parents throw this big ass party every Christmas. It's actually pretty lame like, the time and money they put into it could rather be spent-""Lu." I cut him off with a smile as I grabbed one of his hands, encouraging him to get to the point.He blushed and looked at the steering wheel. "Right, so... do you want to come with me?"I smiled wider. "Yeah, honestly a huge party does sound lame but I'm sure between the two of us, we can make it better."Luke grinned and pecked my cheek. "Looking forward to it." he whispered.I felt my cheeks heat up as he leaned in closer. I subconsciously leaned forward as well. When I realized what I was actually ready to do, I jolted back which resulted me in hitting my head on the window."ow, fuck." I cursed as my hand instinctively went to the injured part of my head.Luke's blue eyes were wide and his face was flushed."Okay so anyways I'm going to leave now. Can you text me the details about the party?"The tall boy nodded and with that, I practically ran from the car. I had almost ruined everything. Of course the blonde wouldn't like me. Besides, I'm not gay. As soon as a stepped foot in the door, I heard crying and I felt my heart sink."Look who finally decided to come home." A deep voice sneered.I stared in horror at my step-dad. He had my mum pinned to the wall. His hand was loosely wrapped around her throat as she sobbed.My body took action as I closed the distance between myself and him and desperately tried to remove his hands.My failed attempts seemed to amuse him. "You're so fucking pathetic Ashton. You cant even help your own mother." He snarled with a smirk on his face.I decided that he wasn't going to let her go, so I punched him square in the nose. It was completely silent except for the crack of bones breaking.However, my plan worked as he released my mother to clutch his nose."You worthless piece of shit! I'm going to fucking kill you." He roared, lunging towards me."No, stop. I have a better idea." My mum intervened. My heart stopped."Mum, don't." I whispered brokenly.She ignored me and continued. "Lets go upstairs."Rob laughed and nodded, tugging her towards him. "See Ashton, you really are good for nothing. Maybe you should get on with it and end all of your suffering yourself."I couldn't take it anymore. I bolted up the stairs to my room and collapsed on my twin bed. Ragged sobs tore through my body as I let all my emotions out. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should just end it... Then I thought of my mum and how she would react to finding her sons corpse the following morning. Fuck I needed a distraction. Something to remove these thoughts from my head. Almost hesitantly, I pulled out Luke's razor blade and twirled it around my fingers, contemplating the pros and cons of self harm. To be honest at this point, I could care less. Before I could talk myself out of it, I sliced a quick line into my wrist. I was surprised to see how fast the red liquid bubbled to the surface of my skin. It was almost like it had been trapped and I had set it free. I once more drug the blade across my wrist and the same thing happened except it was different at the same time. I felt nothing. That was exactly what I had been searching for these past years and I had finally found it. Even though the idea of Luke hurting himself chilled me to the bone, I could now understand why he did what he did.Within 5 minutes, my wrist was completely red and mangled. I ran to the bathroom and rinsed it away. However, almost immediately it was replaced by more blood and a thought popped into my head. I hadn't done this before and I didn't actually know when it was to much. What if I had hit a vein? Was I going to bleed out on my bathroom floor? More frantically, I rinsed my arm and bandaged it up with the ace bandages from under the sink.As I slipped back into bed, I couldn't help but feel proud of myself. I had found a coping mechanism and I didn't kill myself which was always a positive.At first I found it extremely difficult to sleep because images of Luke doing the same thing I had done were taking over my head. Somehow I managed to push away the thoughts and drift to sleep, ignoring the agonized cries coming from across the hall.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I'm sick and I'm tired too
I can admit, I am not fireproof
I feel it burning me I feel it burning you
I hope I don't murder me
I hope I don't burden you
If I do, I do
The Beach, The Neighborhood
Chapter 6This morning has been such a blur. I had this fear that somehow my mum would find out about what I had done. The thought of that made me get dressed at the speed of lightning and rush out the door. Now as I was walking towards the bus stop, I was thinking about how my odd behaviour this morning probably made her more suspicious.Pushing that thought out of my head, I continued my pace and put in my earbuds. Pierce the Veil sounded pretty good right about now. A tapping on my shoulder caused me to pause my task and look up.Luke grinned at me as he took one of my earbuds."Ohhh Pierce the Veil? Good choice." he exclaimed, with excitement dancing across his features.I couldn't help but be confused just like the last time the blonde had surprised me with his music taste and I'm pretty sure my face gave it away."What?" the blonde boy asked, a defensive look crossing his features.I shrugged and stuffed my hands into my jean pockets. "I just pegged you for the guy that is constantly listening to Taylor Swift."It was safe to say that my comment had clearly offended the blue eyed boy, as he scoffed and glared at the side walk."I'll have you know, that I only have one T-Swizzle song on my phone. Everything else is probably almost, if not the same, as yours."I laughed and slipped my hands out of my pockets to put them up in surrender. "Okay, okay."The taller boy laughed along before looking at me in concern. "How's your head."My cheeks flushed at his question. I still was on edge over how I had almost kissed him."It's fine, its just a bump. Nothing I can't handle." I mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes."That's good."Awkward silence stretched out between us as we finally approached the bus stop and patiently waited for it to make its stop.My phone let out a small ping and I sighed as I pulled it from its place in my pocket. It was probably my mum asking if I was okay, considering how I had rushed out of the house like there was a bomb inside. Instead it was from Rob. I furrowed my eyebrows but opened up the message along with the picture. Asshole: a little birdy told me bout how great of a job ur doing at not staying away from your blonde bitchimage attached My phone fell from my hands onto the pavement. I'm pretty sure my face was white as a ghost as the blonde stared at me with concern."Ash, are you okay? What's wrong?" He questioned, putting his hands on my shoulders.I can't believe this was happening. I failed him. I failed Luke. I was supposed to stay away from him and instead I had only bond myself closer. Fuck how could I have let this happen?I felt my knees go weak as my body began to sway and somehow I was now on the cold cement."Ashton, talk to me!" Luke's voce was now alarmed as he tried to help me stand up. I couldn't even look at him. My breathing became irregular and I felt my chest tighten to the point where I thought my insides would explode. It was the all to familiar feeling of my body going into a panic attack.I pale arm snake its way past me towards an object behind my unresponsive body.Luke was reaching for my phone."No!" I shrieked and snatched it before the blonde could get closer.Confusion was radiating off of the blonde as he lowered himself to my level. In the distance, I could vaguely hear the unmistakable sound of the bus."Hey, Ash. Stay with me." the blonde whispered softly, as he brought a hand to my face. "Just tell me what's wrong so I know how to fix it." he urged,using his other hand to intertwine with mine.I instantly scrambled to my feet. "No! no, no, no, no."The blue eyed boy was beginning to look unnerved. "Ash, come on just breathe. Breathe with me. We can get through this.""No, you don't understand!" I shouted, feeling completely agitated."Then help me understand." He whispered, taking a step closer.The bus finally rolled up and I was certain the bus driver along with all of the passenger were very confused as to why there were two teenage boys, close together and shutting out the world.Luke diverted his attention from me for a second, only to wave the bus driver away.It was getting to the point in which I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. Before the blonde could say anything else, I took a step back, my eyes wide. I'm pretty sure I looked like some sort of freak with my eyes the size of the moon, hair disheveled and my breathing coming in heavy pants."Tell what I can do!" Luke begged, looking close to tears."Just stay away from me. Stay far away from me. Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even think about me." I said, my voice dropping to an eerily calm tone.Luke looked at me exasperated. "Ash that's a little dramatic don't you think. I'm sure if you just tell me what the problem is, we can work together to solve it.I vigorously shook my head and threw my hands into the air. "I'm the problem Luke! You can't fix me!"The tall boy looked crestfallen. "Ash..."I turned towards the direction of home and tried my best not to spare the obviously sad boy a sparing glance. "Just...just please listen to me and stay away. I'm doing this for you." I told him, trying my best not to break right then and there."I saw your arm."Time seemed to freeze as did my heart and I stopped dead in my tracks.How? I had made sure to wear long sleeved shirt. How could he have known? Did he notice his blade was missing and made the connection that it had been me who took it?I shook of the thoughts and tried to act like his statement didn't bother me. Instead of replying, I continued on the path that lead to home. Once I was in the safety of my own bedroom, I turned off the lights and looked at the message my step-dad had sent to me. How could I help Luke? I was screwed. What if Rob went after him? What could I do to stop him? I couldn't even help my own mother. I was weak and pathetic. I dropped my phone on the floor and for once, allowed the tears to come cascading down. From even on the floor, I could still see the glow from the phone along with the image of Luke's mother. I knew Rob would have to go to the hospital to get his nose fixed, however it had been just my luck that Luke's mum had been the one to see him.My phone once more pinged and the anxiety flared right back up as I reached for my phone. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw it wasn't from my dad. No it was from Luke. Lu :) : hey ash im srry if I pushed you to far bacl there. I really want ot fix this. come outside ?? I almost laughed at his terrible grammar.I took a timid glance outside and saw said boy pacing in my front yard. Part of me wanted to run out there and comfort him while, the other half told me to stay inside.Fuck it.Seeing as I still had my shoes on, I raced down the stairs and flung the front door open.Blue eyes met my hazel ones and I almost smiled.I took a seat on the porch steps and watched as Luke copied my actions."So..." I mumbled dumbly, not knowing where to start."Do you want to talk about it?" Luke inquired, lacing his fingers together and settling them in his lap.I couldn't take it anymore. It was as if I had no control left in my body as sobs began to pour from my mouth. Because yeah, I wanted to talk about it, but there was no way in hell I could ever tell the boy sitting next to me. He would think I was disgusting and pathetic. Which maybe I was but I still didn't want to hear it from Luke. "It's gonna be okay Ash." he soothed, letting me curl into him as he rubbed circles into my back. Despite his comforting words, I knew deep down that it would never be okay. I think I knew that the day of my 13th birthday."You don't understand, its never going to be okay." I whispered, my voice raspy from crying. If Rob had been here, he would already be making fun of me and telling me how I should "take it like a man"."Explain it to me." The boys breath tickled my ear and I couldn't help but shiver."It's you." I blurted out before I could stop myself. My eyes widened and I covered my mouth with my hands.The warm body beside me shifted slightly so it was turned to face me. I hesitantly removed myself from the safety of Luke's embrace and sat up, twiddling my thumbs as I did so. When I finally gained the courage to look into the heavy eyed lad. His eyes gave away nothing as he waited for me to elaborate. My hands were starting to shake as I began ot plan out how to word what I was going to say. Should I lie to him or tell him the truth? Seeing how his expression remained the same, I decided to just tell him the truth."I...It's just that..." I closed my eyes and started to shake my leg. "My dad doesn't like you...well technically he's my step-dad but I don't know-""Slow down Ash." a voice interrupted me. I reopened my eyes and looked at Luke. He didn't seem to be mad or even remotely upset. Instead he seemed confused. "That's what you were so worked up about? Your step-dad not liking me?"I hung my head and stared at my untied shoelaces. "Yeah." I mumbled. He didn't need to know the rest. I was still so afraid he would leave me if he ever found out the full truth."I don't believe you." I turned my head and stared at the blonde. "Would you really hurt yourself over whether or not your step-dad likes me?" and for once, I didn't have an answer. The blonde had a serious look that graced his features and it made me feel uncomfortable. I'd hardly ever seen him serious. "It...It's complicated." I told him in a hushed tone. With a suspicious look directed towards him, I raised an eyebrow. "How did you know?"Now it was Luke's turn to look away as he played with his hands. "You lifted your arms and your sleeve fell a little." His eyes returned to mine as he gently reached for the mutilated arm. I sighed I defeat and let him gently roll up the sleeves to my flannel. It looked worse then it had this morning. There were more cuts then I could count and they all looked a angry red. There was even still some dried blood that formed at the surface of some of them. I flinched as something wet hit my wrist and I instinctively looked at the sky to see if it had started raining. When I saw the sky was still the cloudy soft gray it had been earlier, I turned my attention back to the blonde boy. His eyes were stormy as tears effortlessly fell from his eyes."Hey, are you okay?" I asked him, feeling guilty that I was the one making him sad."What do you think?" he whispered brokenly, wiping his nose with his sweater sleeve.Now would probably be a bad time to mention that I knew he did the same thing to himself. Instead I rolled my sleeve back down and wrapped that arm around his broad shoulders, muttering meaningless apologies.Luke sniffled and held onto my casted arm. "Promise me you'll never do it again." I hated how small he sounded. I felt a pang of guilt as I nodded, even though I knew I was lying.We stayed like that for a while and I honestly didn't mind at all. That was until Luke spoke once more."What was on your phone that made you go into a panic attack?"I froze and shut my eyes. "I-I really don't want to talk about it."Luke frowned and escaped from the tangle of our arms, to stand up and look at me sternly with his arms crossed over his chest.I averted my eyes to the floor and ran a hand through my hair. "Lu I promise I'll tell you one day just...not right now. I'm not ready."The boy nodded reluctantly. "Okay...just if you're hurting please tell someone. Nobody can help you if they don't know what the problem is." he reasoned and I did agree with what he said. It was just that I feared he would avoid me like the plague after I told him. Seeing the determined hopeful look in Luke's eyes, I made a promise that I would tell Luke someday. I stood up and closed the distance between us, pulling him into a hug."Thank you." I'm murmured breathing in the taller boys scent."Anytime." he responded, tightening his grip. I didn't want the blonde to leave yet so, I had invited him over. Fuck Rob. I'm aloud to have friends.We were seated in the living room and I was forcing Luke to start watching American Horror Story. In return I promised him I'd watch Scream Queens with him. This seemed to please the blonde. Currently he was cuddled into my side, with his face buried into my shirt. When his eyes returned to the TV, he let out a small squeal."How can you watch this?" he asked incredulously.I shrugged as I looked at him fondly. "This kind of stuff doesn't bother me." I answered truthfully.The blonde scoffed and muttered something about me not being human.A loud click of the door interrupted our focus and we both turned towards the entry way."Oh Ashy, I'm hoooome." I cringed but called out a greeting anyway.As soon as his steel gray eyes landed on Luke, Rob his face gave way to a fake smile. "Oh hello Luke, I was just speaking with your mother. At the last part, his eyes flashed to me for a second and I shuddered. "Your mother gave us an invite to your Christmas party this weekend."Luke brightened at this. "That's awesome! I already invited Ash and it'll be great to have you and Mrs. Irwin there as well!""Oh really?" I gulped, as his iron glare shifted to me. "Is that so? Ashton never told me about that?"Luke shrugged and I wished I could slap my hand over his mouth. "He only found out yesterday when we were hanging out."I refused to look at either of the boys and instead looked at the floor. How was I going to explain this? I was going to be in deep shit."Anyways I better go, thanks for hanging out with me Ash. Remember if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." Luke smiled at me as he stood up. I followed suit and scratched the back of my neck. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."With a final wave, the blonde disappeared out the front door.I quickly turned to the stairs, not wanting to be in the same room as Rob. As I walked past him, he glared at me. "Watch your back Ashton." he growled and lumbered towards the kitchen.Once I reached my room, I sighed. That Christmas party was defiantly going to be interesting.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I sighed as I smoothed down the imaginary wrinkles in my button down shirt. It was the olive green one myMum had bought for me for some fancy diner my step dad had to attend. Despite the shirt being 2 years old, it still fit fine. Excluding the shirt, I was wearing what I usually wear. Black jeans and black shoes. I checked the time and saw that I had about 15 minutes before Rob had wanted to leave. I quickened my pace to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. My head hung low as I gripped the counter. This night was going to be a disaster. I just knew it. I lifter my head and stared into the mirror, unfamiliar eyes stared back.This wasn't me.The mirrors reflection couldn't be me. The boy looking back at me had a slight frown that tugged his lips down and these dull hazel eyes. His skin had gotten lighter and his hair darker. He looked a lot thinner too. In fact it looked as though he had aged rapidly within the course of a couple years. This couldn't be me.However the sting I felt in my arm when I removed it from the counter, reminded me that it indeed was me. I had gotten so caught up in my drama that I didn't even realize the damage I had done to myself. I looked away from the mirror, not liking what I was seeing and grabbed my hair gel. Once my hair was styled in smooth waves, I rocked back and forth on my heels and took one last calming breath. I would be fine. Tonight was going to be fine. Luke would be fine.With that last thought, I retreated back to my bedroom. My small pep talk didn't have the effect that I had been hoping for. Feeling extremely nervous, I slumped down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I was so close to having a panic attack, but I held it back knowing that Rob would probably leave without me if I was unable to go and the thought of him and Luke in a house together without me made my stomach churn.What had I gotten myself into? This whole situation was already a mess and I had brought Luke right into the middle. I knew feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to change anything, so I tried to focus on the positives. At least I was going to see the pretty blonde tonight. And honestly, if the party was as big as Luke made it out to be, Rob couldn't try anything. The thought comforted me, until my mum peeked her head around the door.She brightened as soon as she saw me and fully emerged into the room. "Look at you all grown up and handsome." She cooed, placing her delicate hands over her cheeks.I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless."You look great mum." I complimented her, standing up and giving her a hug.She was wearing a knee length black dress with a golden flower broach. She smiled and hugged me tightly. "Thank you.""Can we leave now?" An impatient voice grumbled."Of course, let's go." My mother replied as she released me and turned to her husband. I inwardly cringed and looked down at the floor as I reluctantly followed after the pair, still trying to calm the storm that had started in my stomach."Welcome! I'm so glad you guys made it!" Liz welcomed us with a huge smile. She looked nice in a red dress that went down to her ankles, along with a glittery belt and diamond jewelry that probably cost more then my house.My parents offered polite smiles and stepped inside the mansion. It was amusing to see the mesmerized look they had as they looked around because I knew I must have looked like that too. We followed Liz into a giant room with a grand piano in the center. People were everywhere, causally chatting amongst themselves with a glass of champagne in hand. I craned my neck, trying to pick Luke out from the massive crowd. "Boo."I let out a high pitched squeal and slapped a hand over my mouth. The guests were looking around, trying to see where the source of the noise was and I felt my cheeks redden as I turned around. I didn't even need to look to know that it was Luke. "You shit, that wasn't funny I-" I trailed off as my eyes immediately scanned over him.He looked insanely good in a white button down shirt, black skinny jeans and a leather jacket. By his stupid smirk, I knew he caught me.I flushed even more then I already was and looked away. I wish I hadn't though. Rob's eyes were narrowed and his grip on the champagne flute was almost enough to break it. He looked like he was ready to kill me. I gulped and averted my eyes back to the blonde. Luke's eyes were trained on my step-dad. He didn't seem mad, just eerily calm. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Ignore him." I muttered, refusing to look at him in the eye.The taller boy shrugged and instead grabbed my hand. "C'mon lets go somewhere else." He encouraged.After I nodded, he grinned and started to tug me towards the stairs. On his way, he snuck two glasses of champagne and smirked at me. I couldn't help but laugh as we raced up the spiral staircase."Wait here." He instructed once we reached his room. I nodded and took a sip from my drink, hearing him retreat to the bathroom. The alcohol left my mouth feeling dry and I immediately cringed but took another sip nonetheless. My eyes traveled around the room and once again. I was caught up in the beauty of it. Seeing the sheer curtains, I was reminded of the balcony. Smiling slightly, I set my glass down on a dresser and proceeded to unlock the door and slide it open. The cool night air hit me directly in the face and I smiled. The view was spectacular. It seemed as though you could see on for miles. "You found my favourite place in this whole house." A voice sounded behind me.I jumped and whipped around. The blue-eyed boy was smiling with his hands behind his back. I sheepishly looked down. "I'm sorry I should've asked before coming out here."Luke laughed. "It's fine, I'm not mad." I looked back up at him and crossed my arms awkwardly. "So where's Mikey and Cal?" I asked. I hadn't seen the two boys since arriving and I wondered if they just hasn't gotten here or if they weren't coming.The blondes cheeks flushed and it was his turn to look away. "Oh uh, I was only allowed to invite one person." I raised an eyebrow. "And you picked me?" I was shocked to say in the least. Why would he pick me out of the three of us? I cocked my head to the left as I stared at him in confusion. The blonde returned his soft eyes to me. His lips were tugged down in a frown."Why do you sound so surprised?" I shrugged. "It's just that I've treated you so horribly and you've been friends with Mike and Cal for so much longer. And I mean, I'm nothing special." I chuckled humourlessly and continued my little speech. "Like look at me. Honestly you deserve so much better and I-""Stop." Luke interrupted me. He was still frowning. "I mean yeah you and I didn't..." He trailed off, searching for the right words. "Get along the best at first. And it is true that I've known Mikey and Calum longer but, I want to spend tonight with you. I just really wish you could see what I see when I look at you. Because honestly Ash, you're my favourite person in the entire world. You're just so..." He paused and stepped closer. At this point I could feel tears prickling at my eyes and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face. "You." He finished, breaking out into a grin. Before I could respond, he removed his hands from behind his back and pulled out a small white box. "Anyway, I got you this."He gently picked up my good hand and put the box inside of my palm. I gingerly opened the lid and gasped, almost dropping it in the process. Inside was a beautiful silver pendant that looked like a deer antler. I recognized it immediately as I looked up at the smiling boy. "Isn't this yours?" I asked in confusion. He shrugged, smile still remaining across his thin lips."Not anymore."I felt a smile playing at my lips as I quickly looked down and studied the gift.What I then noticed was a small silver circle that had been added to the chain. I pulled it closer to read the small script on it. "Wherever you go, go with all your heart." I read aloud and I felt tears well up in my eyes for the second time this night."That's so sweet thank you so much Lukey." I gushed and wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders."He patted my back and I felt his breath fan the back of my neck. "It's no problem." I pulled away and reached into my pocket, passing him an envelope. "I don't know if you like them or not if you don't I can-"The blonde thrust a finger in front of my mouth to silence me. "I'm sure I'll love it." He assured me and carefully tore the envelopes seal.He actually screamed. Like so loudly I thought the crowd downstairs would come up to make sure he was okay. It scared me to be honest. I was certain my eyes were wide with alarm and my eyebrows raised."I fucking love All Time Low! Thank you so much for the tickets Ash!" He exclaimed once he had partially calmed down. Relief washed over me as I smiled. "I'm glad to hear that, you're going to have so much fun!" I told him with a grin. The blonde nudged me. "We're going to have so much fun." He corrected. "You gave me two tickets and I'm going to take you." He clarified at my expression.Honesty, I never wanted this night to end. He looked so good and in the moment, I really wanted to kiss him. I reminded myself that we were only friends and he probably didn't even like me. I awkwardly played with the necklace before deciding to ask Luke if he could put it on for me.I smiled brightly at the blonde and held the necklace in front of me. "Can you do the honours?" He nodded and took the jewelry into his hand, before getting behind me and wrapping the chain around my neck.I felt myself tense as he gently got the clasp together and moved his hands to my waist. What was I supposed to do? If Rob found out about this, he would kick Luke's ass off this balcony. Yet at the same time, his hands felt amazing and I never wanted to leave this position. A weight on my shoulder signified the boy had his chin resting on my shoulder. The butterflies in my stomach intensified to the point where I thought I would explode. Slowly, I turned my head towards his so I could see his face. He was looking at me up through his eyelashes and got damn this boy would be the death of me. Noticing the blonde was leaning closer, I decided "fuck it." And leaned in as well. "What the fuck?!" I escaped from Luke's embrace and stared at my step-dad in dread. He was standing in front of the door to the balcony with his arms stiff and his hands curled into fists. His eyes were narrowed and eyebrows furrowed."I warned you Ashton." He growled and took a step towards me. Fuck. No this couldn't be happening. My night wasn't supposed to turn out like this.I glanced at the boy behind me. He was right behind me, with a protective stance. "You warned him about what?" Luke asked through grit teeth."To stay away from you." Rob hissed as he stepped close enough to be in the tall boys personal space."Stop." I pleaded and grabbed onto Rob's arm. "Why are you even up here?" I questioned suspiciously."Elizabeth asked me to get you boys downstairs for dinner." He spat and glared at me with a look of hatred. "Okay, let's just go then." I whispered and tried to tug the stronger man away. "Like hell that's going to happen. I told you about the consequences and you ignored me. Now I'm just going to follow through with my promise." My step-dad barked, lunging towards Luke who looked so utterly confused."No!" I screamed and grabbed the back of his blazer. He jolted back and grabbed my shirt by the shoulders. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He hissed in my face as he shook me slightly. I was scared to look over at Luke but did it anyway. The blondes expression had changed to terror. His eyes were wide and he obviously didn't know what to do. I closed my eyes trying to hold back tears. How could I have done this to Luke? It wasn't fair to him and he certainly didn't deserve it. "Can we just go home." I repeated in a hushed voice. Seeing the way his eyes were gleaming, I knew my stepdad was going to agree this time. He was fuming and needed someone to take it out on and I had just offered myself up on a silver platter."Of course Ash." He smiled in a sickeningly sweet way that made my stomach churn. I was in so much trouble. The blonde boy behind me cleared his throat awkwardly.My focus snapped to him and I shot him a reassuring smile. He furrowed his eyebrows in response and I looked away. I was so close to telling the blonde to make me stay or do something to stop me but I knew that doing so would only result in more trouble. Quickly, I rushed out of the bedroom and descended down the staircase. Mum was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes worried and a frown pulling down her lips as she nursed a glass of champagne. Her eyes met mine and she put her drink down on a table. "Ash sweetie, are you okay? I was so worried he was going to do something to you."I shrugged, not wanting to worry her. "I'm fine don't worry about me." She pursed her lips but didn't say anymore. "Are you guys ready to go?" Rob asked from behind me. We both timidly nodded and bid our goodbyes to the remaining guests. "It's a shame you had to leave so early but we'll have you all over soon." Liz promised with a charming smile. We all politely agreed and thanked her before stepping into the car. As we pulled away, I caught sight of Luke waving at me through one of the ustairs bedrooms that must have belonged to one of his brothers. I forced a smile and waved back. Luke's figure gradually got smaller and smaller until he disappeared all together. I closed my eyes and fought back the tears that threatened to fall, silently asking when this nightmare would end.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Oh, mirror in the sky, What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?Landslide// Fleetwood Mac“Ash? Ash!” A soft voice pulled me back into the present. I blinked to look at Luke. The Christmas break was finally over and it was the first day back to classes. I was currently waiting at the bus stop, slowly fitting back into normal routine. I shook my head and looked at the blonde. Concern was etched into his features as his blue eyes glittered with worry. Worry I didn’t deserve. Guilt settled in the pit of my stomach. It had been about a week and a half since the Hemmings Christmas party and I hadn’t said a word to Luke since then. “Sorry.” I murmured, quickly averting my gaze to my black runners. The feeling of guilt was so strong I could hardly look at him. I couldn’t even imagine what he thought about me. “Did you hear what my question?” He asked. I paused my MP3 player but kept my gaze focused on the yellow lines in the road. In truth, I hadn’t heard his question. I had been trying my best to shut out the world and stay in my own little bubble.“Sorry, I guess my head was somewhere else.” I answered him lamely. Idiot. My brain hissed. Just tell him the truth! Part of me urged. No! He’ll leave you! But isn’t that what I wanted from the start? The blonde didn’t seem to notice my internal argument as he once more asked his question. “I was just wondering if you’re okay.” Luke murmured and I could feel his piercing stare on me. Was I okay? I mean I don’t know. If you could count being violated by someone who was supposed to be a father figure to you almost every night then yeah, I was just peachy. Not to mention seeing your mother as just the shell of the woman she was as she slowly faded away before your own eyes. Yeah that was great too. Anger began to course through my veins as every terrible memory began to play before my eyes like a movie. I took a deep breath and slowed my breathing.“I’m fine.” I simply replied. I had promised myself I would tell Luke but, today was not that day. “Then why haven’t I heard from you since the party?” The tall boy asked. He clearly didn’t accept my answer. I racked my brain for another excuse. You mean a lie. I told myself with annoyance. I hated lying to people. But I had to do this to protect him. I saw the bus approaching and relief washed over me. “My phone died and I lost the charger.” I told him just as the bus pulled up. Without waiting for his reply. I flashed the driver my bus pass and sat beside some guy I had English with, once more unpausing my MP3 player. I didn’t need to look at the blue eyed boys face to know he was disappointed. And in all honesty, I was disappointed in myself too. My thoughts were consumed with self hatred until we finally reached the school. I quickly got off the bus, really not wanting to talk to Luke and tell him more lies. Thankfully, I spotted two familiar faces as I stepped onto the ground. “Ashton!” Josh called with a shit eating grin. Tyler smiled as well and waved me over. Without looking behind me, I rushed over to my two best friends and gave them both a hug. “I’m sorry guys. I’m so so sorry. I haven’t talked to either of you since the break. I’m a shitty friend and you guys deserve better.” The words just tumbled out of my mouth and it was all I could do not to break down as I burrowed my face into joshs skeleton hoodie. “Hey man, it’s all good. We get it. We just figured you were working through some stuff and that we should give you some space.” Tyler soothed as he gently patted my back. Fuck. What did I do to deserve these two?“Are you okay?” Josh asked as he slowly pulled away. I took a step back and stared at the frozen ground. I could tell yet another lie today, or I could tell them the truth. I sucked in a deep breath as I contemplated my next words.“Honestly...no.” I hoarsely whispered, still not meeting their eyes. I felt ashamed that I still couldn’t work up the courage to tell them why I was feeling this way.“We’re here for you dude.” Tyler comforted me. “Whenever you want to talk we’re here.” The bell interrupted our moment before I could say anything else. “Cmon, we don’t want to be late for first period.” Josh broke the silence and the three of us walked to class.The teacher basically just gave us a free period to work on our music projects, which I was sort of dreading. I had gotten so caught up in my drama that I had completely forgotten about the project. Michael made his way over to my desk, looking a little awkward. “Hey.” He started, tilting his head slightly as his green eyes looked me up and down worriedly. I bit my lip and twirled my pen in my fingers. “Hey, so we should get started.” I suggested and began to scribble down things in my notebook. Before the break we had gotten quite a bit done and figured that we would only need to have a couple more slides left in our PowerPoint. We worked in awkward silence for the majority of the class, only speaking to bounce ideas off of one another. “Ash what’s that?” Michael asked as he stared at the sliver of skin that my sweater didn’t cover. Panic froze me. Had he seen the marks? What would he do with that information? I slowly looked down to see dark purple staining my wrist in the shape of handprints. I almost released a sigh of relief. “It’s nothing Mike, just a bruise.” I told him calmly. I was hoping and praying that he would just drop it. He bit his lip but kept his mouth shut. The bell rang just in time and I quickly gathered my things and rushed out. The rest of the day seemed to go by in a matter of minutes as I found myself sitting back on the bus. The seat dipped down and I turned slightly to see Luke. Holy fuck. Could this guy not take a fucking hint. I was trying to put distance between us but he was making it pretty fucking hard for me. “I don’t believe you.” He stated, lips turned down into a frown. A feeling of confusion came over me. What was this kid talking about? “You’re not fine Ashton and anyone could tell you that.” He told me with a stubborn look on his face. I rolled my eyes at him.“You have no idea what you’re talking about Luke, just leave it alone.” I muttered in annoyance. Why the fuck was he so persistent? Couldn’t he see I was trying to save him? “I don’t think you want me to.” He retorted. I snorted at his ludicrous comment. Was he fucking serious?
“What the fuck are you talking about? When have I given you any indication that I wanted your help? Was it when I ignored you for a week and a half? Or was it when I did everything in my power to avoid you? Oh maybe it was when I literally never asked for your help.” I snapped feeling close to my breaking point. I wanted to throttle the guy. Why couldn’t he just make things easier for himself and stay away from me?“You don’t need to verbally say it to make it true.” The blue eyed boy countered, not at all fazed. “Your eyes say it all.” He explained. I turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised. “That’s reaching.” I muttered with a scowl. Luke let a tiny grin grace his face.“But you didn’t deny it.” He pointed out. I once more rolled my eyes. “Leave it alone Luke.” I repeated feeling exhausted just from this conversation. It was just going in circles when all I wanted was to go home and sleep. “No Ashton. I’m not going to let you push me away. Whether you like it or not, I’m your friend and I’m going to help you.” He stated with a sudden look of determination. I inhaled sharply at a loss as to what I should say. He clearly wasn’t gonna give up, so I just shut my mouth and glared out the window. “We’re getting off here.” Luke spoke up and pulled me to my feet as the bus stopped moving. I was too tired to fight him on the subject and followed him off the bus, ignoring the pain exploding from my wrist. Between the bruises and cuts, I was in a lot of pain but did my best to keep from displaying it on my face. The bus had stopped in front of a coffee shop and I felt kind of glad at the prospect of getting a coffee. Silently, we walked in and ordered our respective drinks and settled down on two comfy love seats. I absentmindedly stared into the flames of the fireplace in front of us. “If you’re really okay, show me your wrists.” Luke demanded quietly before taking a sip from his vanilla latte. Well he got me there. I took a long sip from my black coffee. “I don’t have anything to prove to you.” I muttered in annoyance at the persistent boy. I was running out of excuses. It wasn’t going to be long before the dam burst and everything came pouring out. I looked up through my eyelashes to peer at my companion and I swear that I’ve never seen someone look so heart broken in my entire life. “Hey.” I hesitantly put a hand on his arm. His big blue eyes were so heartbreakingly devastated. “I’m okay. I promise.” And maybe some small part of me was. Maybe, just maybe, I meant it. After all, it would take a psychopath to lie to Luke with the look he had on his face right now. The blonde bit his lip. “I just don’t know what to do.” He admitted with a look of defeat. I stared at him with the softest expression I could muster.“Look, I know you wanna help, but this is something I need to work through myself.” I told him without breaking contact with his eyes. “You took it out of my bathroom didn’t you.” He whispered. It wasn’t a question but rather a statement. His broken look changed to a more nauseous one. And yikes I really hadn’t expected this. Than I thought of something else. Had he been looking for it? For some reason the thought of the blonde boy beside me scarring his wrists made me want to hurl. When I didn’t reply, he took the hand on his arm into his. “It’s okay Ash. I mean it’s not but it is?” He huffed. “Fuck. Sorry I’m making it worse.” I couldn’t help but smile as Luke stumbled all over his words.“I wasn’t looking to um... use it.” He confessed and relief flooded through my veins. “I was gonna flush it.” He elaborated. “I haven’t felt the urge to... you know for almost a year now so.”“You don’t owe me an explanation” I told him honestly. The boy shook his head. “No it’s fine I want to tell you.” I couldn’t help but feel surprised. After everything why would he want to talk to me of all people? “I’m sure you’re thinking ‘how could he be depressed? He’s got a big house, nice parents, good grades. He has it so easy.’ But the fact is Ashton, anyone can be depressed.” I squeezed our intertwined hands gently. “I don’t think that Luke. I know depression can hit anyone. I promise I’m not judging you.” I assured him. It wasn’t as though I was in a position to judge anyone. He shot me a grateful smile. “I just felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone. I felt stupid and ungrateful. So many kids would kill to be in my shoes so why couldn’t I just be happy? Why couldn’t I just be happy with myself? It just went all downhill from there.” He spoke in a soft voice that tugged at my heartstrings. “So what did you do?”I asked him, maintaining my grip on his quivering hands. “I met Michael and Calum.” He now had a smile tugging at his lips. “I’m not saying everything was cured after I met them but, it got a lot better. It still took some time but eventually I found the urges come less and less until one day they just...stopped.” He took in a breath and looked at me with his intense baby blue eyes. “What I’m trying to say is it does get better. At some point it’s gonna be a little easier to breathe and you’ll find yourself actually excited to wake up the next morning. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. You need to find your own way to get through this. Find something worth living for. And I’ll be there every step of the way. And so will Michael and Calum and Josh and Tyler. You’re not alone Ash. No matter how lonely you feel I promise you you’re not alone. I promise you.” I hadn’t realized that I’d been crying until Luke gently slipped a hand away from mine to carefully brush away some stray tears. And wow I really didn’t know how much I had needed to hear that until now. “Thank you.” I told him sincerely, voice just above a whisper. “Anytime Ash.” He told me with a bright smile. And for the first time in a long time I believed things were going to be okay.