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Things had felt silent recently.Eery white noise fell wherever she went now. She sat on the edge of the rooftop, feet dangling over as if she were mocking the one who’d fallen from that exact place. She couldn’t bear to imagine it— picture it. So why was she sitting there, hopelessly and aimlessly just.. shutting off her thoughts from the rest of her body?The feeling had undoubtedly crept in, along with the memories. The memories— god did it drain everything from her core. Like water dripping down and losing itself in the sink, she could barely remember why she even existed in the first place. Why turn on the tap if the water was just gonna go to waste in the end?Ena held a simple somber expression. As if it was just simply a gloomy day. In fact, it’d been a gloomy week, a gloomy month. Well, since that day. Three months and two days ago. The date, the numbers, the time that had gone by. It felt sickening, had her stomach twisted in a tight bow, never its intention to unravel itself to let any feeling of relief show.She looked up to the sky. It was a simple action, but such a movement caused a rumble of thinking. A tumble of weeds grew in the pit of her mind, her eyes registering the lovely dull-toned pink with a subtle glowing orange peeking through a select few clouds. Ena wondered what it would look like, plastered on a plain canvas, an image recreated with oils and paints.Not that she would have any motivation to create something so wonderful. Along with the draining she carried around every day, Kanade and Mafuyu hadn’t heard of a new painting or drawing for a few months. No new projects, no windows presented into the mind of the artist that was Ena Shinonome. That was because her mind was blank, simply like all the canvases that were yet to be filled, waiting in the deep corners of her bedroom.The worst of all this was .. that thing. That thing the brunette wouldn’t dare to name, that thing she wouldn’t dare to pay a single thought to. The thought of them.She’d heard it before but when it came to the actual experience, it felt like she was isolated in her insanity. She would walk down the street and everything she laid her gaze upon reminded her of that darn cheeky smile, that tone never serious, yet something was buried deep within all of that.Ena was conflicted. She’d been for the longest time about a lot of different things. But even if the thoughts were clear as shattered glass, it didn’t hurt any less than its individual shards. She’d never admit it to anyone, never open it willingly because who would want to drown so deep into someone’s thinking that they end up being affected?Even with all these things stirring beneath her still composure, her view was still filled with the pastel sky. A view that would normally invite itself to be so peaceful, that would remind anyone of cotton candy only turned sour to the girl sitting. Maybe because that thing was reminding her, taunting and yelling, that it could be better. It would be better with that grin. That smile she often used to brush off and roll her eyes at.God she wished she could go back and admire those features that shined brighter than the sun itself.Even if the sun didn’t hide anything, the thing that shined brighter did. But Ena never cared, she never did. She wanted to give herself to them, even if it was too much to dig out from her chest. Even if it would be too much to hold in her palms, she’d do her best to dedicate her selfish self to someone she loved.But in the end, things were never fair. She never got to say such things, never utter the words. Ena let herself down. Just like they’d believed. They believed they let themselves down and that it would just be better to fall.A sudden drift in the wind had strands of Ena’s hair waving in the air. A chill went down her spine at the drastic chill in the atmosphere. She clutched onto her shoulders, jittery fingers digging into her uniform. Ironic, she thought.However, after a few blinks and a turn to the head, her vision caught pink. Ruby. A red bow. Ena stared with eyes widened. They wore a small, simplistic smile. Not the usual one she remembered, she thought. In an instant, it was like all the dark clouds on a cloudy day had cleared. She was confused, she was sad, she was angry, but at least they were there.They were there.They tilted her head to their lap, locking eyes with Ena. “You miss me, doncha?” The curve at the end of their lips didn’t fade but instead grew sunny. Aching blossomed in Ena’s chest.She wanted to scream, to hurl all she wanted to say until her throat ran dry. Instead, she dryly smiled back, grateful the wind blew the forming tears away. “Of course I do, dummy” She almost whispered, unaware of how hard it was to speak. She didn’t want to show them all the anger and guilt and grief she’d piled.If they were smiling, she should be too.The brunette heard a light chuckle before watching them turn their view to the empty sky in front of them. Their eyes softened, their pupils glittering in a faint yet angelic way. Similar to an angel. “Too bad regret is only for the things you can’t change, eh?” That’s when that smile faltered.It had become a sad smile. And Ena had to look away.Not many words were exchanged, but in the end, she knew this was all that was going to come out of her desperation. This was her closure, the final time she’d ever get to hold them in her sight. Even if it wasn’t Ena holding them tightly in her arms, forcing them to never slip away or kissing them softly as she took the chance to gaze into the most beautiful gems for eyes she’d ever come across.But she needed to accept it either way. regret. She repeated the word in her head. She had a lot of regrets. “That’s not true” Ena mumbled, mainly to herself.But they heard. They turned to her once again, a brow raised to insist she elaborate. I guess they don’t understand. All their life, they’ve been living with the same regret. The same regret that haunted their own body. Only recently I’ve had all my regrets piled onto me.Ena reluctantly dived back into their dreamy eyes. The word described is used to paint the image of a dream, a hallucination, not reality. “People can.. change.. you know? There’s always a way to.. find the happiness you’re desperate to find” She’d lost the smile on her face a while ago, but her features twisted into a desperate attempt to explain— as if that would do anything.As if telling someone who’s already dead that being alive can be worth it.And it showed, she felt dumb now. “Well, that’s a bit late now isn’t it?” They said as if it was a tease. A tease that made everything all the more .. hard.“But I hope you can find it someday, Enanan” Their grin grew before it completely withered away with the breeze.Instead of her eyes to the sky, the brunette now stared into her lap.