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SCREW ~And the film on your eyes of the way I'vebecomeMakes me sick at the way that I tryAnything in the worldTo impress that I'm doing thisOnly for you~***"Simon.." Robert's trembling voice cut through the heavy silence. He stood behind the small couch Simon sat on. The floor he stood on felt too cold on his bare feet and he wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but first he needed to talk to Simon."Hmm?" Simon didn't even lift his gaze from the comic he was reading. He didn't sound angry or annoyed, instead he sounded rather uninterested, which was far more painful to Robert."Simon," He tried again, his voice more desperate than before, "Please"."What do you want?" Simon huffed, he put his comic book away but did not turn around to meet his eyes. For a moment Robert considered leaving him there, escaping from the situation seemed like a wonderful idea. But he realised that the longer he waited, the more difficult it would be to talk. This wasn't just something they could ignore or forget about.*It all happened the night before, at the hotel bar. Simon had told Robert he was about to leave with this new bird he met, off to her room. She was blonde, short and very pretty. Her dress was short and tight around her curves, accentuating her feminine shape. Simon smiled mischievously when he saw Robert checking her out. He winked before turning around and he wrapped his arm around the girl's body. He told her something in her ear as they left but Robert couldn't hear him over the clicking of her high heels.*Finally, Robert got the courage to walk up to Simon and sit next to him on the couch. Simon straightened himself and put one leg over the other with his eyes fixated on the floor, blinking a few times. Robert sighed and scratched his neck in discomfort. "Si, I'm-" he coughed, and for a short moment Simon looked at him, before turning back quickly, "I'm sorry, I really am."Simon frowned, but didn't respond. Instead, there was an awkward silence and Robert felt the need to speak again, just to get over it. Simon clenched his jaw tightly, Robert could see it as he watched him."I should've thought it through some more and.. well.." Robert's voice faded.Robert started shaking his head, cursing at himself as he realised he messed up, only making it worse than it already was.*Big, masculine hands were touching him all over and Robert groaned into the pillow. The dark-haired man, who joined him when he went back to his room, was squeezing his hips harshly as he took him from behind, moving so slow and deep... The man growled as Robert started to push back against him, wordlessly telling him he wanted more. He bent down over Robert, who slammed his fist into the mattress as he felt him going deeper. He licked the skin between his neck and shoulder, stroking his cock briefly and Robert moaned words of praise at him. Then finally, he wrapped his arms around Robert's torso, squeezing his softness there until he hissed, and pulled him up and against his chest. And that was when he finally started fucking him rough and fast. Robert threw his head back. With eyes clenched shut and his mouth wide open he cried out, his moans were nothing but meaningless sounds of overwhelm and pleasure.Until suddenly, from out of nowhere, the man stopped. The words he heard pulled Robert out of his daze."What are ya doing, you creep?!" Robert heard his angry voice, he didn't know what he had done wrong. "Get the fuck out of here!". Robert immediately opened his eyes when he figured that the man shouted at another presence in the room, and not at him. His eyes fell upon the one person he feared most at this moment, and he gasped.It was Simon.*"No- No it's.." Simon suddenly spoke, his voice more high-pitched than usual, he was obviously very nervous. "It's- well, you couldn't really know. I mean I told- I said to you that I'd be gone for the night so.." Despite the awkward situation, Robert felt relieved. He was afraid Simon would be angry, or even worse; disgusted by what he had seen."I should have known.." Simon suddenly said, and that startled Robert. "H-how do you mean?" Robert uttered, starting to panic. "Do.. Do you think people know? Did you know already?" Robert spoke fast and felt the beginnings of hyperventilation in his lungs. Simon faced him again and his face showed nothing but confusion."Wait.. What-" Simon clenched his eyes shut in a pensive way and then seemed to understand.. "Ohh.. no no, I mean-" He struggled with finding the right words, or even words in general. The shocking situation had made him very distressed. "I should've known because, uhm, well I heard you..." Simon swallowed and quickly added "You guys, I mean.. When I was standing outside."Robert felt a shiver going through his entire body and he didn't know whether guilt or shame was worse of a feeling. Maybe the combination of both was what made him so terribly nauseous. He didn't know what to say, if there was anything to say. "I-I thought something was wrong," Simon continued, "Actually I didn't know what I was thinking. I was just stupid, it was so obvious what was happening."There was a certain sense of hurt in Simon's voice and Robert's guilt began to grow even more when he noticed.*Simon stood there, wide-eyed, frozen and most surprising; quiet.Normally he would go on and start a fight when someone shouted at him like that, but now, he didn't even seem to be bothered by the man's words. He simply stared in shock and then turned away, leaving the door open."Hey!" the man shouted, and startled Robert once again. "Close that fucking door you bastard!!" But Robert didn't hear the words anymore over the noise in his head.* "I'm so sorry, Si" he said again, and stood up. This seemed like the right time to leave and think for a while, before going on with life and pretending none of this had happened. Robert wondered if it would change anything between them. Would Simon still be comfortable around him? Would they still talk about the same personal things with complete trust in each other?"N-no Robert wait!" Simon said hastily just before Robert closed the door behind him."I need to ask you something," he looked so scared and upset, Robert wanted to put a hand on his shoulder but knew it wasn't the right time to. "That man.. Did- was he, uhm, hurting you?" Simon stuttered again, his worry was big enough to ask such a risky question. "I mean I... I saw him and,, you and it seemed like..""Do you really want to know?" Robert asked, maybe he shouldn't have. He didn't want him to know, yet, he didn't want to lie to his friend who seemed to be so worried. When Simon nodded, he felt guilty for telling him the truth; "He wasn't, he was just..""He wasn't hurting me, Si" Robert wanted to scream at that moment, he couldn't stand his friend knowing, having seen all of this. He had seen how much he enjoyed such vulgar, sinful things. His biggest secret had come out and he felt like he ruined their entire friendship."Is he your.. your uhm.." Apparently Simon didn't think this was the ending of the conversation, like Robert did, and Robert couldn't help but laugh at the unexpected response he got. "No he's not my boyfriend." It felt weird for Robert to say that out loud and he saw Simon blush a bit. "Well I-I mean, he could be.." Simon tried to explain himself in embarrassment, "I honestly don't even know what you're up to at this point, all the secrets.. Do I even know you?"Robert wanted to laugh again but the upsetting expression on his friend's face told him otherwise. "I didn't tell you because.. well, I thought you might never want to hang out with me again if you knew. I hope that's not the case, but.. there's no turning back now I guess." Robert rambled and Simon simply stared at him as if he was stupid."Don't be so weird, I don't care whether you fuck a bloke or a bird!" Simon said with a louder voice than before and Robert felt so relieved, so thankful for his blunt but typical answer."I- I'm just glad you're okay" Simon said, more quiet now, sighing softly. "I worried about you."
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STOP DEAD ~Face is in your handsYou looked into my eyesYou said I tasted rightAnd swallowed me alive~***The bright light in the bathroom made Robert clench his eyes shut, he groaned softly as he rubbed his face sleepily. He was exhausted, it was about eight in the morning, a very unusual time for him to be awake.He woke up quite a few times during the night, pondering about what happened merely hours before. Simon hadn't come to the bedroom after what happened, Robert didn't expect him to but still it was painful. But he knew Simon was near, he could hear rustling from the other side of the bedroom door every now and then. Assuming Simon spent the night on the small couch. The sound of water running and the minibar being opened and closed had woken him up again some hours later. That was when he realised he had to get up and talk to Simon, to apologize.Robert felt more calm, now that they've had that conversation. It didn't take away that terrible feeling of deep shame, but at least the fear of losing Simon again, had vanished. After blinking a few times, Robert stretched his arms out above his head, as far as he could. He yawned loudly and felt his muscles were very tense.He turned on the shower and felt himself relax underneath the hot stream of water. He felt his worries slide off of him, flooding through the showerdrain along with Simon's shampoo. Robert always used his, without asking. Simon seemed to be okay with it though, he must've noticed it by now, yet he never said anything about it.*While Robert took his time in the shower, Simon grabbed his comic books and got up from the couch. He shuffled towards the bedroom door and didn't even bother to close it behind him as he dropped the books on his nightstand and let himself fall back on the mattress. His bed was on the left side of the room, same as always. He couldn't bring himself to sleep on the right side, it just didn't feel right. Fortunately, his roommate was fine with that. Even after all these years Robert still automatically claimed the bed on the right, they had gotten so used to each other, Simon chuckled softly when he thought some more about those little things.He thought about the conversation he and Robert had, this morning. Simon felt a bit dumb for asking all those questions, he didn't mean to sound creepy or weird. But then, Robert must've felt embarrassed by the situation too, he saw it on his face. That thought somewhat comforted him, as weird as it seems. Simon's thoughts went back to The Cure's previous, less pleasant tours. They had walked in on each other multiple times, back then, hadn't they? It never seemed to be an issue when it happened. The only thing was that he, or Robert, had to find another place to sleep, which could be annoying sometimes.So why would it matter now? He thought to himself. Sure, he had been raised with the mindset that men shouldn't be together like that. But when he grew older, and started to doubt about the ideas he was brought up with, he realised how stupid it was to think something like that, and was convinced by that ever since. He surprised himself last night, when he found out his initial response went completely against his own values.He felt bad, but exhaustion took over and stopped him from thinking too much and without realising he slipped into a deep, much needed sleep. *Robert wrapped one of the big, fluffy bathrobes, around his body. He always asked for those when they arrived at hotels, it's one of the very few things on his list of necessities.When he exited the bathroom he was surprised to find a sleeping figure in the bedroom. Simon's sheets were still partly tucked under the mattress and barely wrinkled. They had arrived yesterday and Simon didn't sleep in it, of course. There was a big contrast between Simon's, and his own bed. His sheets were very much wrinkled, and he grimaced when he saw the faint stains of make up on his pillow. It bothered him, knowing what caused those stains, and he flipped the pillow over so that the clean side was visible.He sat down on his mattress and watched as Simon faintly wriggled around in his sleep, trying to get comfortable. His back was turned to Robert, who could only see a big mop of hair, resting on the pillow. There was a calm, peaceful atmosphere in the room. Robert felt happy, they finally had a day off after many late nights and endless rehearsals. The shows were nice though, especially with the new line-up, Robert felt confident with these boys next to him on stage. The general mood on this tour was much happier than ever before, and although their audience had changed since the new album, it didn't bother him that much. It was actually quite funny to see how much everything had changed.Robert didn't know what his other bandmates were up to, they were probably in their hotel rooms as well. Lol told him that he had some friends, here in France, that he wanted to visit today. Simon knew who they were and he didn't like them. So when Lol asked Robert to join, he used Simon as an excuse to stay here. Not that he would've gone anyway, and Lol knew that too. Robert needed days like these on tour, especially during his last tour with the Banshees when he was so overworked, completely destroyed due to all the pressure that was put on him. Robert had been through a lot, but it was safe to say that last year was the worst period in his life. Gladly, it all got better, and now he once again realised why he liked being in this band so much.After sitting for a while, simply staring at the wall, Robert got up from the bed. He walked over to his suitcase, which was awkwardly balancing on the small chair in the corner. He rummaged through his clothes and found a clean shirt and a pair of boxers. He turned around once more and saw that Simon was still dreaming, far away from reality, and he figured that he could just put his clothes on, here in the room. He kept eyeing Simon though, when he put on his boxer shorts, and he dropped the robe over the chair before quietly slipping into his big, oversized shirt.*Simon blinked multiple times, trying to turn the big blur into something clear. He saw someone sitting in front of him. After a while he recognised Robert, a bit different now with his damp hair, which had gotten flatter underneath the shower. Simon watched him, thinking his hair was actually quite long, not as much as his own but still longer than he had ever seen on him before. It really suited him."Hey!" Simon tried to shout, but his voice was still raspy from sleeping. It still startled Robert, and his head shot up in shock. Simon smiled mischievously. "I paid for those, they're mine" He teased Robert playfully and nodded towards the comic books in his lap. Robert chuckled softly and said; "I haven't read this part yet, is it a recent one?". Simon sat up carefully and rubbed his eyes. He looked at the book and slowly nodded. "Yeah, it's a new one, I bought it at the airport the other day.""Probably came out last week or so." He said through his yawn and Robert chuckled again, Simon stuck out tongue to mock him but it only made Robert laugh more, and he couldn't help but giggle as well."For how long was I asleep?" Simon asked, still quite disoriented, he scanned the walls to see if there was a clock and Robert frowned. "An hour or two? I don't know really, I was in the shower for quite a while." Simon hummed and nodded, he moved to the edge of the mattress and he shivered as his feet touched the floor, murmuring some complaints about how cold it was. Robert didn't respond, he was focused on the story again and his eyes scanned the pages quickly. It always amazed Simon, to see how fast Robert could read. The fact that Robert could read an entire novel on a four-hour flight seemed impossible to Simon, who couldn't even read a few pages without getting distracted.Simon got up from the mattress, only to settle next to Robert, on his bed. He tried to read along, knowing that he couldn't nearly keep up with him, and Robert made some space for him to sit comfortably. Simon didn't mind though, he had already read the entire thing last night because that uncomfortable couch didn't allow him to sleep much.Robert tilted his head as he switched to the right page again, exposing the skin of his neck to Simon, Robert's sleeve almost slid off his shoulder because his shirt was so big. Simon couldn't help but stare at the dark shape of what could only be a hickey. It looked sore to him, and without thinking he carefully blew onto it. The feel of breath on his neck startled Robert and he yelped comically, it slightly lifted him from the mattress in a reflex and he jokingly slapped Simon's cheek.When he noticed Simon staring, Robert's hand immediately found the spot on his neck and hissed when he felt the burning sensation, which made him pull away again automatically. "Shit" he groaned, suddenly embarrassed again. He hadn't even noticed it himself yet, he would've put on something less exposing if he knew... Simon ignored his whisper and kept staring. He didn't even seem to have control over himself when he bent forward to press his lips, oh-so carefully on that mark. It was a kiss, yes, he was aware of that. To Simon it just seemed like a friendly one.Robert, on the other hand, was completely frozen. Not knowing how to respond or what to think, he simply sat still and waited. The moment seemed to last forever, until, Simon did it again, revealing that it wasn't done accidentally. He pressed many small kisses on top of the mark and around it as well, Robert would be lying if he said he didn't like it, physically. But mentally he just couldn't understand. But still, he didn't do anything to stop Simon. He couldn't protest, because he didn't want to.While Robert was letting this happen, Simon happily continued his sweet attack. He took it a step further by using the tip of his tongue to caress the sore spot, like some animals do when one of them is wounded. Robert hissed again but then shivered intensely. And Simon, as attentive as always, knew what that meant. Robert liked this. Simon continued, kissing his skin again and carefully moved away from him.He eyed Robert intensely, in that typical way of his. It was an intimidating look, almost scary. It was a look he had seen before, Robert had asked him about it ages ago and Simon had said he shouldn't worry about it. And that it was just the face he made when he was concentrating on something.. Or someone. Still, that memory didn't stop Robert from feeling exposed and vulnerable. He was used to being stared at, but this was something else. Something more. That last thought was confirmed when Simon's face suddenly came closer to his, those deep brown eyes finally averted their gaze to his lips and Robert knew what was about to happen. He felt his eyes close, involuntarily but definitely not unwanting.He feels soft, Simon thought, just like a girl's lips. His lips caressed Robert's softly, until Robert eventually responded. Kissing him back hesitantly, still a bit shy and lost in his thoughts. Robert wondered how Simon did this.. Luring him, seducing him into allowing all of this so easily. He had always been smooth with girls, not in a nasty kind of way, but he was simply intriguing. He could make every helpless girl melt with that icy stare, and apparently Robert too. Robert kissed him harder, making Simon feel the slight stubble on his upper lip, against his own skin.Robert didn't know how long Simon was resting his hand behind his head but he felt it's pressure when Simon began to tilt his head, deepening the kiss. And just when Robert was about to open his mouth for him, Simon pulled away, grinning like a Cheshire cat. He's so fucking good at this, Robert thought, eyeing the man slack-jawed. Simon was still holding Robert's face in his hands, switching his focus from one eye to the other as he watched Robert. He put one hand underneath his chin and pushed to close his mouth again, his expression was one of entertainment and he seemed way too satisfied with himself. And his goal was reached, Robert wanted more of him.Simon didn't kiss him again, completely ignoring Robert's desperate eyes watching his mouth with hunger. He just sat next to him, and started to rub the sides of Robert's face with his thumbs, loosening the muscles of his now tensed jaw. He lovingly tucked Robert's hair behind his ears, he was pleasantly surprised to see that they turned slightly red.While Simon was still caressing him in such a lovely way, he didn't notice that Robert started to panic. The adrenaline slowly lost its intensity and gave Robert space in his headto overthink again. There were no words for this, it came so unexpected and the world around him seemed to fall apart. "Si-" He had to ask, he had to know."Wh-what does this mean, what do you want?" Robert was trembling now.Simon only smiled, and after thinking for a while he shrugged. "Dunno, actually" He said, copying Robert's pensive expression."I just felt like it.. It was nice" He said, truthfully.
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THE BABY SCREAMS ~Waiting againWaiting here for nothing at allHeaven fills up my dreamsAnd I love itLike a baby screams~***"You just.. felt like it?" Robert mumbled, stunned and not articulating well enough for Simon to hear. This couldn't be true, Robert thought. Simon was completely sober, not mistaking Robert for someone else and most importantly; Simon was straight."Simon.." Robert said and he slowly started to shake his head. "Simon you- you're just confused." He stood up from the bed, looking down at Simon, who was looking back at him without a hint of regret in his eyes. He sat there as if nothing happened and it started to irritate him. Robert wanted to say something, shout at him, he wanted to cause a scene. Anything to end this nerve racking confusion.But nothing came up in his mind, and he remained silent."I'm not the one who seems confused here," Simon said softly, a cheeky smile on his face, and he coughed before turning a bit more serious. "It's not a big deal, Robert, it really isn't." Simon shoved himself towards Robert's pillow and rested his back against it, so that he was sitting up against the headboard.He then stretched out his long, bare legs on the mattress and carelessly kicked off the pile of magazines. "C'mere, Robert" Simon chuckled as he watched his friend standing there so helplessly frustrated. "Don't just stand there, come sit with me!" He couldn't understand why Robert was so disturbed by the situation, he was the one who had been with a man, right?Robert couldn't protest.He figured that there was no reason to be angry or upset with Simon, it just wouldn't be fair. Merely hours before, he wouldn't have dared to hope Simon would still be with him, in this room. And even though the kiss scared him, mostly because of the unexpectancy of it, it was not nearly as terrifying as the thought of losing Simon again.So he gave in, he hesitantly sat down on the edge of the bed. He sighed softly, suddenly not so eager to hear Simon's explanation anymore. Instead, he didn't feel like talking anymore at all, he looked down at his hand while drawing figures on the mattress with his finger. Zoning out and into his own world.Simon observed him, noticed his change of expression, and saw how his posture seemed to turn less tense. He knew Robert was tired, and it happened almost naturally when he reached out to him. He touched his shoulder first, to see if there was any response. When his hand reached further, Robert got the hint and he let himself be pulled towards Simon's body. He rested his head on Simon's chest, and instantly felt like he was melting into his body as it was still so warm with sleep. * "I'm going to fall asleep if we stay here like this." Robert whispered after a while, he was now half on top of Simon, lying against him on the edge of the small bed. The arm Simon had wrapped around him made sure he wouldn't fall off, and honestly, Robert thought it felt nice to be held. It had been a while since the last time he cuddled with someone, must have been with Mary, in the morning, before leaving her to go on tour."That's okay," Simon answered, and he pulled Robert further away from the edge of the bed, even more atop his own body. He got rewarded by the feeling of sleepy arms instantly wrapping themselves around him. He then started to softly soothe Robert's hair, his hair was still damp from showering and Simon recognised the scent of his own shampoo.Simon watched as Robert's back rose and fell, so slow, with each deep breath. He felt himself starting to breathe in sync with Robert. It was something that happened more often, but only with the people he was close to, mentally.Meanwhile, Robert had one ear pressed onto Simon's chest. He could hear his calm heartbeats through his shirt, wondering if that heart was pounding as furiously as his own during their kiss...Sleepiness caused Robert to show the same kind of affectionate behaviour as drunkenness would. Only a bit less impulsive. And he hugged Simon a bit more tight, pressing his cheek against that warm torso and secretly wished he wasn't wearing that thin shirt. Just to really feel Simon's skin against his. It was unusual for Robert to think like this, about his friend. It wasn't really upsetting him though, it was just new.Simon noticed Robert's movements, the weight of his head on him and the lazy hum that left his mouth as he squeezed him in a tight hug.He averted his gaze, focusing on the ceiling instead. He didn't want to see Robert's face, his eyes, when he did this. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to just tell him. To ask him for more.So he did it, he slowly spread his legs and felt Robert's near limp body sliding in between his thighs. Simon knew he would know by now, he had to.Robert did, his breathing stopped as soon as he felt something very hard poking his lower belly. Goosebumps immediately covered Robert's skin when he thought about what could happen now. A wave of adrenalin made him tense up again, but not in the way he should have. No. This time he didn't care about the consequences. Robert knew he needed this, he hadn't been fully satisfied the night before and was so desperate for someone else, another man, to make him feel that release.Simon was panting by now, so surprised when he felt Robert's hands clutching the fabric of his shirt. A quiet, shivering moan left his mouth when Robert put more weight onto his hardness, carefully checking whether his excitement was genuine or not. Simon couldn't stand not being able to kiss him anymore. He slid Robert further upon his own body, pulling him up with his hands under Robert's armpits until they were face to face. The friction it caused, made Simon whimper and then he felt Robert's hardening cock against his own. It was maddening.Robert trembled, still hovering above Simon and he silently begged;"Kiss me again, please"
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PUSH ~He gets inside to stare at herThe seeping mouthThe mouth that knowsThe secret youAlways you~***The kiss was good. Wild and passionate, just how they both liked it. Robert pulled away a few times, very shortly, only to get a glimpse of Simon's parted lips. They were swollen and wet with his saliva, and tasted so much better than anything, anyone else. He didn't get a lot of time to admire the man beneath him though, because Simon already pulled him back down again with much force, licking into his mouth in such a dominant way. The intensity of it all made him clench his thighs together and he moaned softly into Simon's mouth.It was absurd, to Simon at least. He had absolutely no experience with male affairs and everything he did was on instinct. But feeling the boy in his arms, all greedy and hard for him, reassured Simon that this was good for both of them. Kissing was the only thing which wasn't new to him, and knowing that kissing was something he was good at, that was the only thing he could try and impress Robert with. He liked making Robert feel all overwhelmed.Simon had looked up to Robert from the very first time that they met. Robert always intrigued him with his way of thinking, and his confidence when speaking. Robert was one of the very few people that genuinely knew what they were talking about, so wise and thoughtful, a bit stubborn sometimes but Simon didn't mind that at all. Ever since they started hanging out, Simon wanted to be close to Robert. Whenever they met up with both bands before a show or at the pub, he always made sure they sat next to each other. And everytime it would feel like it was just the two of them, having their own little conversations and ignoring the others. And then all Simon wanted, was to make Robert laugh at his silly jokes.So maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe this was what made their bond so strong.When Robert pulled away again, they were both out of breath. Simon felt the pressure of Robert's hands on his chest, who lifted himself to gain more contact where he needed it most. He started to gingerly grind against Simon, purposefully staring at him with wide, innocent eyes. "Does this feel good?" Robert whispered, the soft and breathy voice and his dainty attitude made Simon grow harder in his shorts and he nodded.This was a good moment for Simon to raise his head from the pillow and watch Robert, who had his eyes closed by now. His mouth was slightly open and Simon could faintly hear the whimpers that escaped his lips. He looked surprisingly feminine like this, even without all the make-up. His hair started to become dry and wavy, and it almost reached his shoulders. His lashes were long and full, and they involuntarily fluttered when he frowned every now and then. And his skin.. so pale, so smooth. And the way his hips moved, deliciously in small circular motions against his own. Simon wasn't attracted to boys at all, not even in the slightest. But Robert was an exception, apparently.Robert's arms started to tremble, Simon noticed it and carefully laid him down to rest on his torso again. With his head now buried in Simon's neck, Robert immediately started to nibble on the skin there.With the boy now lying flat atop him on his stomach, Simon had a perfect view on Robert. Who was still moving so eagerly against him, making little sounds that were only meant for Simon's ears. Without thinking too much, his hands smoothly slid down Robert's back, and he touched him over his boxers where he was plump and soft. Simon caressed him, so very light, before gently squeezing him. Robert's movements halted, as well as his breathing, and Simon continued to discover what he never thought he would."Simon.." It was a breathy whine of pleasure. Robert had never said his name like that, it gave him goosebumps all over. It was the last push he needed, to let his lustful curiosity take over.He slid one hand onto the small of Robert's back, holding him closer to feel him as near as possible. His other hand slipped into the back of his boxers, finally touching that bare, supple skin he didn't know he was yearning for. Robert loved being held and touched so intimately. Even though he had done filthier things with men, it had never gotten so erotic. It was always so primal and rough, which was good, but there was never a feeling of intimacy. Robert gasped in unexpected delight when Simon used his middle finger to search for his hole. Lost in thoughts, he hadn't noticed that Simon coated a finger with his own saliva before sliding back into his shorts. It felt so good, so warm. Simon was carefully pressing on the sensitive skin, not really knowing what to do but inquisitive enough to continue. He never went in though, only circling around the opening and winning sounds from Robert when he put pressure on his perineum."Are you still sore?..." Simon's voice didn't imply anything sinful when he asked, he simply sounded concerned. Because of his lack of knowledge, Simon wasn't sure whether this was pleasurable for Robert, after last night's events. And although Robert assured him that the man didn't hurt him, he still couldn't fully believe that it was comfortable. Simon grimaced at the memory of that man, holding Robert. He didn't want to think about that now."Hmm, o-only a bit" Robert whimpered. He struggled to find his voice as he was feeling so dreamy, being touched like this again. Simon wasn't rough, he was so gentle.. Almost teasing. It occured Robert that he maybe had to help Simon a bit, telling him what felt good and what didn't, without trying to sound dominant. "This feels very good, Si" Robert spoke again, making Simon feel praised and willing to continue. By now he tried to press the tip of his finger in, not going deep at all. He couldn't reach much further, due to the position they were in. Robert noticed this, and he lifted himself off of Simon's body to change position. Both of them groaned at the sudden loss of stimulation and contact."Maybe, uhm.. I can sit in your lap?" Robert tried his best not to pressure Simon into anything, but it was getting harder now that he was so aroused, so hot for him. He wanted Simon to take the lead again, so bad.Simon faintly nodded, staring at Robert, who was sitting on his knees in front of him. He was all sweaty and his cheeks and ears were flushed, dark pink again. Simon straightened himself some more, sitting up against the headboard again. Robert grabbed his right hand and pulled it towards his mouth, shamelessly spitting onto his long fingers and never breaking eye-contact while he did. And when Robert took off his boxers, Simon had to look away. He couldn't watch as he did that, it was too much. Instead, he focused on Robert's face. He looked a bit sleepy still, but that could've been lust as well, that look in his eyes definitely showed much more than just sleepiness. Robert threw his boxers somewhere on the bed and immediately crawled closer to Simon on all fours, stealing a quick kiss from him when they were face to face. Without hesitating, Robert straddled Simon, whose hand was already underneath him. Simon didn't even touch or brush past his hardness once, he immediately continued with what he was doing moments before, and pressed two fingers against Robert this time.The fact that Simon didn't touch his cock, didn't bother Robert that much. But the fact that he didn't even catch a glimpse of his exposed lower body, after he had removed his boxers, confused Robert. But gladly, those two slick fingers entered him, and made him forget about all his worries.Simon was shocked at how tight Robert was, around his fingers. He hadn't thought it would feel like that, and filthy thoughts overflowed him as he started to move his fingers in and out of him. Robert was panting harshly, supporting himself against the headboard, his hands holding onto it on both sides of Simon's head. His head hung low and his lips were parted, eyes closed as he focused on the feeling of Simon's fingers inside of him. "Si- please." Robert whined. "Please- oh! bend your fingers in me..." Simon wasn't sure why Robert would want that, but he did what the boy begged for and arched his firmly surrounded fingers. He tried it a few times, and then he bumped against a swollen spot inside of him. The sound Robert made was sublime, it was a throaty moan that transcended all of his previous, more modest sounds. Simon got so much satisfaction out of those indecent cries, it was something he knew he wouldn't ever be able to forget.After a short while, Robert fell forward and against him. He had no strength to keep himself upright anymore, and when he tried to sit up again, the same thing happened. Simon wasn't wasting any more time, he pushed Robert backwards with his body, his free hand supporting his sweaty back to prevent him from falling. He moved along with Robert, who was lying on his back now with his legs spread and his arms above his head, so submissive.Simon crawled over to him, never stopped with fingering him firmly, and hovered over Robert's face. It was ethereal to watch him, writhing and trying to hold back those sounds. And suddenly, he felt Robert's warm and shaky hand, reaching for his shorts. Simon swatted it away in a reflex, he only wanted to focus on Robert's sinful face right now, that was enough.Robert felt confused, he didn't expect to be rejected so roughly. Yet, Simon's fingers still fucked him with such force, he couldn't find the strength to complain. He wanted to take it a step further though, he wanted to do something for him as well. He just didn't know how to get Simon to instruct him. Maybe Simon didn't even dare to ask for it. "Simon" Robert said, he got Simon's attention by holding his wrist and lifting his head from the mattress. Simon stopped moving in no time, looking concerned again but Robert only brushed his arm. "Are you.." Robert began, he made sure he sounded willing and desirable, to assure that Simon wouldn't feel any guilt or doubt about it."Are you going to fuck me?"Robert never thought he would ask Simon that question. He thought it was best to just be straight-forward, to make it clear to Simon that it was something he wanted from him. But Simon didn't answer, he only blinked very hard and stared at Robert's mouth. Robert licked his lips in a final, desperate attempt to seduce him. But Simon began to shake his head, mouthing the word "no" as he bent down to kiss Robert's jaw.Whereas Robert thought Simon was kissing his jaw to tease him and get him to beg for it, Simon was actually kissing him for apologetic reasons. As much as he felt for Robert, wanted him and enjoyed their intimacy, what he asked for was just a bit too much. He knew he had been eager to kiss him and make him go limp in his arms as if it meant nothing, but now that it got this far, Simon finally started to realise what they were really doing. This wasn't just some harmless fun they were having, no. He was about to have sex with his best friend, who he had admired, loved, for ten years but never like this. And he just couldn't accept the fact that Robert was so enticing to him. He couldn't let a short moment of overwhelming pleasure change his life so drastically.So, he just continued to use his hands like he did before, ignoring the rock-hard arousal that stayed untouched on Robert's belly, and tried to see him as any of his previous lovers. His soft features were quite feminine, and the blurry sight he got from their short nap made it look as if the short stubble on Robert's chin wasn't even there. Simon reached for Robert's chest, touching him over his shirt because he knew he'd feel his chest hair if he took it off. Where he'd normally feel ample breasts, some even more than others, there was nothing. Well, there was a small amount of pudginess, barely present but it was something. And Simon roamed about it, feeling so guilty as he tried to ignore his friend's masculinity.Although Robert wasn't being stimulated enough to actually get to his climax, he felt that he was on the verge of coming. The feeling of Simon's unstoppable bassist-fingers did so much more than any other man had done to him during foreplay. But this wasn't even foreplay anymore. He couldn't last much longer, knowing that it would start to hurt when this went on for too long. But he didn't want Simon to stop either, he just needed Simon to make him come."I need you Si" Robert tried again, helplessly. "Please just make me come.." Simon put his hand over Robert's mouth, hating to do it but he couldn't stand to let him down again. Simon tried to come up with ways to please him, without crossing his own boundaries, and he started to kiss Robert's face. "I'm sorry" He whispered with a guilt-dripping sadness into Robert's ear, and then, Simon kissed him on the mouth.Robert felt so upset, he just didn't understand. And the fact that he couldn't think clearly now made it only worse. He gave up begging and started to touch himself instead. He tried to settle for what he got from Simon, who was making the best of it with his passionate kisses.Simon pulled away when Robert started to breathe irregularly, he looked so far away, becoming delirious on the mattress, beneath him so close. Simon tried to focus on every twitch on his face, wanting to memorise every little detail since this would be the last time. He fucked up, he couldn't give him what he wanted, he failed. The feeling of Robert clenching around his fingers felt so terribly hot. Simon almost thrust roughly against his thigh but stopped himself just in time. He saw Robert's arm moving quickly and he knew what was happening, he knew what he was feeling right now, but to really watch as he did that? It would ruin everything, he couldn't watch a man get himself off. So instead, he told Robert how beautiful he looked, and how soft his skin was. Which was true.When Robert finally reached his orgasm, he rose from the bed. His shoulders raised and he threw his head back so far, Simon could barely see his face. Simon hastily leaned further on the bed to see his face tilted back so far, in pure bliss. His eyes were shut tightly into a frown, his mouth opened to inhale noisily. A sound similar to a hiccup escaped his lips, that were pouty as if he was begging for another deep kiss. With his free hand Simon brushed the hair out of his face, revealing the beauty of Robert's face in ecstasy.There were some more spasms, and then, a struggling sound. It was a primal cry, a sound he'd never heard before. Like Medusa, Robert's face turned Simon into stone. He couldn't move or look away, he could only watch in silence. Knowing that he would never look at his friend the same way ever again.After a few moments, Robert finally relaxed. Allowing Simon to slide his fingers out of him, which he did, carefully. Robert didn't have the strength to wince when he felt it, he was numbed anyway. His frown disappeared and his bent legs were pulled flat onto the bed by gravity and exhaustion. Simon didn't know if Robert was asleep, or about to be. He only saw that his frown had disappeared and that he was breathing deeply. He was breathtakingly beautiful like this.Simon knew what was going to happen now, this perfect moment couldn't last forever and when Robert came down from his high, he would be angry. And that thought scared him, he hated himself. His own need and lust faded away quickly, and after what felt like hours, Robert opened his eyes.Robert got up, but only a bit, resting on his elbows and then cursed softly. Dizziness, little stars blocked his vision because he got up too quickly. After a few deep breaths he was back in reality again and saw Simon sitting there, cross-legged with his head down. Robert realised that Simon still had his shirt and shorts on, and it made Robert feel vulnerable and exposed.He winced as he sat up, trying to ignore his disoriented brain and he slid into his boxers again. "Simon.." Robert began. He knew, by the way he was looking down and fumbling with his shirt, Simon wouldn't be the one to start the conversation. "Simon, look at me." He did. Simon felt somewhat relieved that Robert was wearing underwear again, now he didn't have to worry about seeing things he didn't want to see. But it didn't make the situation much easier. Robert didn't look angry, maybe he was too tired for that, he only looked sad."Why wouldn't you let me?" Robert said, he didn't want to be more specific, that would be unnecessary. They both knew what this was about. Simon opened his mouth, it took a while before the words came out. "I- I just.. I couldn't." Realising it made no sense, he continued. "Because you.. well, you're my friend and- and you're a man.""Wait, what?" Robert frowned pensively, and he asked; "But you.. Why were you touching me then?". Simon laughed inappropriately, annoying Robert, who didn't know it was caused by his nervosity. "Because, well, I wanted to! And if I touched you like that it wouldn't be so different from, well..""From what, Simon?" Robert asked firmly, he felt his lip trembling and he bit down to hide it. He suspected what Simon was gonna say and it was gonna be painful. "From a woman" Simon muttered, his hands came up to his head and he hid his face into them, sighing and self-hating thoughts came back again. If Robert had punched his gut right there, he would've understood. But Robert didn't get angry or aggressive."Then why, Simon?" Robert's voice sounded damaged and his words broke Simon's heart. "Why did you kiss me, why did you touch me if you're so disgusted by me?" Robert's teary eyes burnt into Simon and he swallowed, quietly telling him "i'm not"."Oh don't you lie to me, Simon." Robert said, he didn't try to hide his emotions, Simon was allowed to know that he was hurt. "I saw it, you didn't even look at me when I undressed. You didn't even see where you were touching me." Robert was right, Simon had acted like a selfish dick without empathy. But it wasn't that he was disgusted."It wasn't, it's- Robert, please understand.." Simon hated his stutter, he had to make clear that it didn't have anything to do with disgust. "I'm just so confused and I guess that.. uhm, I think that seeing, touching you like that. It would've been too confronting, too real." Robert shook his head, not satisfied with Simon's explanation. "Well, Simon." He said, and he got up from the bed. "You should've just decided not to do it then. I get that you're confused, so was I.""But I have feelings too, you know? And I can't just pretend to be someone I'm not. So you either take me as I am or you just fuck off. But don't you do this to me ever again." Robert's words endlessly repeated in Simon's head, and when he turned around Simon was so scared that he would leave."Robert, where are you going?" He said, scared to hear the answer."Well, my chest isn't going to clean itself Simon." Robert said sarcastically. Pointing at the stain that covered his skin. Just beneath his wrinkled shirt, that had somehow crawled up higher in the heat of the moment. He turned around again and shut the bathroom door behind him.
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KYOTO SONG ~I try to thinkTo make it slowIf only here is where I goIf this is realI have to seeI turn on fireAnd next to me~ As soon as he was alone, Robert felt tears rolling down his cheeks. So much had happened in such a short time, it was too much to handle. He really tried to keep quiet, but it was hard. So, he softly sniffled as searched for a towel to clean himself with.Robert cringed when he saw his own subjugated figure in the mirror, he couldn't believe how he simply let this happen. He felt exposed and used, so disappointed that neither of them dared to stop it, before it became torture.He couldn't be angry with Simon. Oh how he wished he could, it would be so easy to just blame it all on him. But it wasn't Simon's fault. If Robert hadn't been so stupid to take that man to their shared room the night before, if only he hadn't answered Simon's curious questions this morning, if only he had hidden his hickeys some more... Simon wouldn't have done it if he didn't know, he wouldn't even have thought about it, Robert was convinced so.But the thing that was even worse, was that Robert had betrayed himself. He had sworn to himself that he would never ruin a friendship with sex ever again, after what happened between him and Steven. His first. The man who guided him so well in the beginning.*Simon's initial response was to get up and follow Robert into the bathroom, he wanted to say why he did it and how he didn't want to fight. He wanted to tell him that they could forget it all and pretend it never happened. But Robert probably needed some space. And as difficult as it was, Simon forced himself to wait for Robert to come back. He began to carefully pick up the magazines he had kicked off the bed so thoughtlessly.As minutes passed, way too slow, Simon got more and more nervous.He figured that it wasn't a good idea at all, to wait. Because when Robert would come back, there wasn't anything for him to say. He couldn't even find the words in his head, let alone explain them to his friend. He had to leave, to clear his head and get some distraction.As he got up and rummaged about to find his trousers, he thought about Robert in the bathroom. Was he still upset? Was he simply waiting for him to leave, not wanting to face him again? Simon wanted to knock, to ask if he was okay and to tell him he was leaving. He really wanted to but it was too terrifying.He was so afraid that Robert would tell him to 'fuck off' or not to come back anymore, or even worse; that he would get no response at all.So, he zipped up, grabbed his coat from one of the hooks next to the bedroom door and made his way out of the suite through the front room. Hoping that the noisy market place would distract him, and keep from overthinking and making the situation even worse.*The door to the hallway fell shut. The unexpectancy of that sound startled Robert, who raised his head, from where it was buried in his hands. His eyes were red and swollen. He did not know how long he sat there, on the closed lid of the toilet. All he knew was that his tears had gone dry, and Simon had left him alone.Robert winced as he carefully got up, discovering that he had an awful headache. He cursed and put a hand on his forehead, relieving the pain slightly. He searched for a pack of paracetamol with his other hand.After swallowing the painkillers and drinking at least three full glasses of water, Robert made his way out of the bathroom. He discussed with himself whether he should lay down or not, and eventually decided to sit on the balcony for a bit. It was small and connected to the bedroom.The view was amazing and Robert sat down on one of the stools. In the distance, he heard the sound of people laughing and talking loudly, like there was some sort of gathering going on. It didn't bother him. All he focused on was the mild, pleasant warmth of late morning sun on his skin.After a while of sitting there in peace, Robert's mind got back to where it had left off. Thoughts of Severin, and the things they did all those years ago.It was around Christmas, 1981, almost four years earlier.Robert had stayed with Severin for a while, in London. They had grown to be close friends that year, and Robert wanted to get out of his own small world, the few people he was around all the time started to bother him and he needed to escape. Steven had agreed to let him stay in his house for a few days, to just relax and party together, without the usual people around.He did have fun that week, Robert had to admit, it was nice to sit down with his newest friend and watch old obscure movies together. But what really intrigued Robert, was that Severin had this certain mysterious aura surrounding him. Robert wanted to know so much more about the older man, he was so desperate to understand him and to be more like him. It's funny, how similar his own curiosity was, to Simon's, early this morning.Robert didn't know that Severin, as observing and experienced as the man was, had noticed him being a little too interested in his stories, his life. And it didn't take long for Robert to find out that Severin was well-oriented when it came to same-sex affairs. He subtly 'exposed' himself to Robert by mentioning small things about the nights he spent in notorious gay bars, and the secret basement parties.Severin had been way too eager, too quick to take Robert to one of these parties. Because as soon as they were inside, Robert was shocked by what he saw. He had never seen men like that, dancing together so provocatively, some even feeling each other up.When he came home again, just after Christmas, it surprised Robert that it wasn't even his mother who was most upset with his absence. No, it was Simon. He was raging with jealousy, even without admitting, it was so obvious.Simon saw Severin as an enemy from that moment, someone who stole Robert from him. And that was the moment when it went downhill for Robert and Simon's friendship as well. Trust was broken, Robert had changed. And although he had distanced himself from Steven after that one night, it didn't take long for Robert to come back and let himself be led into the shady circuit by Steven.
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SIX DIFFERENT WAYS ~I'll tell them anything at allI know I'll give the world and moreThey think I'm on my hands and headThis time they're much too slowSix sides to every lie I sayIt's that American voice againIt was never quite like this beforeNot one of you is the same~ *** The front room was empty when Simon came back.He walked to the bedroom door and knocked softly. There was no response and Simon slowly opened the door, quickly finding out that Robert wasn't in bed either. Although the bathroom lights were off, Simon was afraid that Robert was still sitting there.Quite a few hours had passed since Simon left the suite. It was a good idea to get some time for himself, just for a little while. He had barely left Robert's side for the entire tour. They usually spent most of their time together, in the same room. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't come up with any other person who he'd like to be around this much, not even Carol.He managed to buy a few things for lunch at a local French bakery where nobody understood a word of English. Normally Robert, whose French was slightly better, would translate things for him."Robert?" Simon called, "Robert are you in here?"After waiting for a few seconds without getting a sign, Simon walked over to his nightstand. He pulled out a pen from the pencil case that was lying there and he wrote down a message for when Robert would come back.**Simon hadn't checked the balcony before he left again, Robert still sat there and had dozed off a couple of times. Robert never noticed Simon's presence in the room, he had closed the curtains behind the balcony doors, to prevent flies and other bugs from entering the suite.It was only when Robert walked back in to go to the bathroom, that he saw a note and a paper bag lying on his mattress.I can't find you, but I've got you something to eatand a drink. There's new drinks in the minibar aswell. I'm in Porl's room, Boris is there as well.We're in room 273 if you want to come over.I hope you do.X SimonRobert opened the bag and immediately started to laugh. Simon had chosen to give him the great combination of two croissants and a bottle of beer, that had turned warm due to the sun.Such a typical way for him to apologize, without actually having to say sorry. Robert couldn't help but imagine how Simon had tried to place an order, stuttering basic French words like "baguette" "croissant" and "merci".Robert put the bottle away and sat on Simon's bed with his food. He hadn't realised how hungry he was until he recognized the warm scent of French pastry. Although he didn't feel any anger, Robert did want to take his little revenge by leaving Simon's bed covered with crumbs.He decided to act upset around Simon just a little longer, to let the man know he really wasn't okay with what happened this morning. Robert intended to go and visit Porl's room, he just had to come up with a good reason to be there, other than just wanting to see them.**"I always carry this with me in my wallet, makes my girl very jealous" Boris joked.Porl and Simon giggled like little boys when Boris showed them his polaroid. It was a picture of Lol passed out in the back of the car, his face was pressed against the window which made him look like a pig."When is he coming back?" Simon asked, barely containing his laughter. "I might need his room tonight."Porl turned around to face him with an amused look on his face. "Oh?" Porl teased, "Have you met a jolie fille then?" Porl said and Boris snorted, making fun of Porl's pronunciation. Simon hummed, not confirming or denying the questions and he desperately hoped that the subject would somehow magically be forgotten about."Yeah, Simon.." Boris unfortunately continued. "Why else would you stay in that filthy room, huh? Tell us your plans!" Simon shook his head. He could've just said he did find a girl, but the risk of them asking Robert about it was too big. It would cause much more trouble than there already was.The room stayed silent for way too long, Boris was waiting for an answer and Simon's mind was empty. He couldn't come up with anything. Yet, Boris continued; "Or did Robert find a bird... Ohhh, so that's why you're here! You just got kicked out so Robert could be with her, didn't you?" Boris eyed him suspiciously and Porl, who was half-lying on the bed, annoyingly poked Simon's side with his foot. Simon sighed very loudly, and he dramatically rolled his eyes. Then roughly squeezed Porl's foot with two hands in playful annoyance, causing him to say ouch and pull away."You two didn't get in a fight, did you?" Porl asked after a while, the humor in his voice was gone and Simon hated the sudden seriousness. He came here for fun, he didn't want to think about what happened. "No," Simon said, eyeing the two men as if they were stupid."Of course not, I just think Robert needs to be alone for a while. He's got an interview tomorrow morning and I don't want to disturb him while sleeping." There was no response, it was strange for Simon to say something like this, he never really cared about that sort of stuff before."And- Well... We don't want Robert to be grumpy, do we?" Simon quickly added. "You know what he's like when he has a lack of sleep."With that, the other two nodded, instantly supporting his choice. "Good point," Boris said, he had been a victim of Robert's rude morning comments many times. Porl opened another bottle of wine, drinking straight from it before handing it to Simon.**Boris peeked through the opening of the door, surprised to find out it was Robert who had knocked on the door, and not the cleaning lady."What's the password?" Boris asked him, trying to keep a straight face and not letting Robert in. He had the habit of being a nuisance after a few drinks, nobody really minded though, because he was usually just bothering Lol with it. "Fuck off" Robert muttered before pushing the door open and letting himself in. "Yup, that's the right word" Boris chuckled, before closing the door behind him and he quickly ran back to his seat before Robert had the chance to sit down.The suite was just like his and Simon's but mirrored. And the awful, flowery wallpaper was green here, where it was purple in their room. In the bedroom, he was greeted by the sight of Simon and Porl, who were in the middle of something that looked like an intense thumb-wrestling session."Aah shit!" Simon hissed. "You used your nail, that's cheating!" And Porl stuck out his tongue to him, before facing Robert and sticking his tongue out to him as well.Robert laughed at his tipsy friends, not even bothering to greet him properly. "Well, hello to you too," He said sarcastically, and the sound of Robert's voice made Simon's head turn in no time. His brown eyes sparkled a bit with joy and relief, and Robert walked over to sit on the other bed, next to Boris' seat and facing the other two."Looks like I have to catch up with you guys.." Robert concluded, searching for the nearest bottle. "How many have you all had so far?" And he drank from the bottle Porl handed him like it was lemonade. "Not nearrrly enough," Boris said, and he threw a peanut at Simon, who tried to catch it with his mouth and failed. "I made a reservation at that Chilli restaurant we saw the other day," Robert said. "The one close to the theatre, remember?""Oh thank fuck, I'm bloody starving," Boris said with a mouthful of peanuts. "What time?" Simon asked, it was the first thing he had said to Robert since he came here. "7:30, so.." Robert pulled at Boris's arm to check his watch. "In 20 minutes"."You've got the key, right?" Simon asked him. "I need my coat, it's still in the room." Robert watched him, trying to figure out whether he was joking or not. "I thought you had it? Mine is still in the room." He said.Simon buried his face in his hands again, groaning and cursing at himself. "You can just borrow my coat, I don't mind." Porl offered him sweetly, but Simon shook his head "No... no, my wallet is in it. And I want to put on my other shoes as well..""Well, then you have to ask the cleaning lady for spare keys," Robert said, and Simon watched him with big, helpless eyes. "But.. she's French." Porl laughed at Simon's random statement, but Robert just stared in a very annoyed manner. "Bloody hell, you really can't do anything by yourself, can you?" He sneered, getting up from the bed and Simon felt hurt, knowing what he was referring to.He followed Robert out of the room, just as expected, and Robert grinned to himself.Once the door was shut, Porl and Boris eyed each other with nothing but confusion. They sat there for a while, puzzled, before getting up to get ready.**Simon stood with his hands behind his back, staring at the floor when Robert talked to the girl who was struggling to remove the right key from her key ring. When she finally did, Robert thanked her and Simon gave her a faint nod. He felt awkward around Robert, who was so irritated with him. He should've just tried to do it himself and not involve anyone, especially Robert, in his irresponsibility.Robert walked in a brisk tempo towards their room, Simon struggled to catch up with him, he nearly stumbled over a wrinkle in the endless, purple carpet the was rolled out over the entire length of the hallway. He felt like he had to say something, to make it better.Simon passed Robert when the door opened, he wanted to grab his things and leave as soon as possible. But then he remembered, after this, they would be back with the others again and there would be no opportunity to talk. He hesitated, only a few steps in before he turned to face Robert. Simon saw how he watched him impatiently. He got closer to him, close enough for Robert to hear his voice, so soft;"I never meant to hurt you.""That doesn't make up for what I did, but I just want you to know... Because I care about you. Very much." His quiet voice sounded so vulnerable, his words so genuine. Robert had to avert his gaze and swallow the lump in his throat. And...Simon's lips were on his.It was so unexpected, and it was over before Robert even realized he had been kissed. But the tender feel of Simon's lips against his own sent a tingle through his entire body. Robert wanted to see Simon's eyes, and what they said. But when he looked up again, Simon was gone.He hastily put on his loose coat over his shirt, which was the same shirt he wore this morning. The same soft fabric as where Robert had rested his head on this morning when he slept in his arms. And he suddenly remembered how he clutched onto it when they... No. Stop.While Simon tied the laces of his neat shoes, Robert tried to contain himself. He had to stay a bit distant, only for a little longer. Or else, he'd let this happen again, and things would get so much worse. He had to fight the urge to reassure Simon that everything was fine. He really wanted to, and oh, how he wanted to kiss him again... It would mess up everything.Robert walked out, waiting in the hall instead. It didn't take long until Simon came out with his key in hand, he put it in his pocket, then locked the door again with the spare key. The walk back to Porl's room was silent, they didn't meet anybody in the hallways and the echoes of their steps were the only sound.When they came near to where the others were staying, Robert suddenly held out his hand. Simon's heart fluttered and he slid his hand into Robert's, he walked on but Robert just stood there. Simon saw the grin on his face but he didn't understand."This is very nice.." Robert said, there was a strange look in his eyes and Simon couldn't quite put his finger on it. He hesitantly nodded, and softly pulled at Robert's hand to make him walk along."But," Robert continued, and he nodded his head to Simon's pocket. "I meant the keys.." Simon's frown didn't leave his face until he realized. "Oh-" He quickly let go of Robert's warm hand, and placed the key in it. "Sorry I-Uhm.. misunderstood""Yes, I can see that" His laugh made Simon feel silly. Robert then turned away from him, to head to the lobby and try to find the girl again.Simon was left alone, standing in front of the suite, all flushed and speechless.
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THE BLOOD ~When the sunset's glow drifts away from youYou'll no longer knowIf any of this was really true at all~ "Porl...?""Hmm?""Have I got something..." Simon pointed at his lips questioningly, Porl inspected the spot shortly and shook his head. Simon wanted to ask for a napkin anyway but Porl had turned away from him already, too busy with eating his soup.Simon felt frustrated. He was sharing a seat with Porl, facing Boris who sat on the other seat next to Robert. Robert had been staring for what felt like hours, and he couldn't understand why. Each time Simon looked at him, to let him know he was aware of Robert's eyes on him, he just stayed focused on Simon's lips. It was starting to get uncomfortable."Don't- don't you like your food, Robert?" Simon asked, he nodded his head to Robert's untouched curry. Robert finally looked down at his plate."Don't know.." He said scornfully, poking the small pile of rice with his fork. "Haven't had a bite yet," Robert muttered. Robert put the fork back down and raised his head to stare at Simon again.This is getting ridiculous Simon thought and he helplessly faced Boris to check if he was noticing Robert's strange behavior as well. But Boris was too busy coughing and trying to extinguish the heat in his mouth after accidentally eating an entire pepper. Simon looked over to his side, where Porl was eating soup like he hadn't eaten anything for days and was completely unaware of Boris stealing his glass of water.Simon couldn't understand how the others did not see what was happening. But then, he himself wasn't able to ignore Robert, especially not after everything that happened today. Maybe he wouldn't even notice things like these on a regular day."You alright, Si?" Porl looked at him strangely. Simon just nodded, not really knowing what else to say, and he didn't see how Robert giggled at that."Yeah, I'm.." Simon scanned the crowdy place to look for the bathroom sign. "I have- I need to go for a piss" He stood up and wandered towards the bar to ask, but as soon as he neared it he saw the familiar sign and he hastily made his way through the door.To his relief the bathroom was empty, the noise from the people inside quickly faded when the door fell shut and Simon sighed. He felt the high amount of adrenaline in his body and he didn't know why it was there, it felt as if he had been chased by a predator and found a place to hide just in time.Robert got up from his seat when he saw Simon close the door behind him. He thought about a quick excuse, but couldn't really come up with anything. Fortunately, the other two didn't look up, he concluded there'd be no need for lies and left Boris and Porl alone at the table.*"Simon.." Robert made sure his voice was hushed. Simon had already seen him from the moment he walked in and didn't say anything. "You seem nervous," Robert continued. He approached Simon slowly and stood beside him at the sink. They eyed each other in the mirror."What's the matter?" Simon hated the way Robert behaved. Robert knew exactly why he was so tensed, and he only asked this to see him struggle once again. Maybe I deserve this, Simon thought to himself. But he much rather had Robert slapping him in the face, that would be so much easier. And then they could just forget about it and go on with their lives again."Nothing." Simon finally said, he avoided Robert's gaze and washed his hands for no other reason than to escape from this trap. Robert sighed, a bit too loud to go unnoticed. He gave Simon his 'worried' eyes once more, but Simon just turned away and left the small bathroom with his head bowed down."Shit!" Robert hissed when the door closed. Simon still thought he was angry, and because of that, his plan wasn't going as it should. He stood there for a few minutes, to prevent suspicious thoughts from the others and to think about how he was going to continue this.Maybe Simon would realize at some point that it wouldn't take too much for him to be forgiven.Robert straightened his posture in front of the mirror, fixing his shirt and making sure the hickeys were covered. As he did, he suddenly saw the angry, red skin on his shoulders.When he shifted a bit to get a better view, he saw that his back was sunburnt as well.*"I don't know .." Boris said after Porl asked him when Robert and Simon started acting strange. "I'm not going to mind their business though, it will only cause more trouble.""Yes, but don't you think-" "Sshhh!" Boris hushed Porl before he could finish the sentence. "Simon's coming." He nodded his head towards the approaching man and Porl rolled his eyes at Boris."Really, you too?!" Simon said, irritated when he saw that Boris was staring as well, obviously gossiping about him with Porl.Porl chuckled and pointed at Boris. "He just said that he wasn't going to mind your- Ouch!" Porl glared at Boris, who had just kicked his leg."Alright then," Simon snarled, clearly done with everybody's behavior at this point. "I'm going to ask for the bill."*"Okay, I'll come with you then," Porl said, to everyone's surprise. Nobody expected him to go out with them later.Simon was planning to ask him if he could just sit with Porl that night. Porl was always calm, and as a sensitive bloke, maybe it would calm Simon down a bit as well. It seemed nice to be one-on-one with him, and just talk and drink some beers while Boris and Robert partied. But apparently, that wasn't going to happen."Really?" Robert smiled at Porl who nodded. "Yes, yes I think it will be nice for a change.""Just don't expect me to pop pills with you, I'm not dumb enough for that," Porl said mischievously. *Simon knew he was staring. Yet he just kept his eyes on the wall as he lay on his bed. Robert stood up from his own bed after putting his wallet and keys on the nightstand."Shouldn't you take your shoes off?" Robert asked, Simon only hummed but made no effort to get up.Robert smirked and sat down on the far end of Simon's mattress. He reached for the zipper of his boot and undid it without saying anything. Robert had done this a lot for him in the past. When he was wasted, passed out, or had forgotten how a zipper worked after consuming some unknown drug that was offered to him.And so did Simon, if Robert was the one in that position, it wasn't anything new to them.But Robert couldn't help but imagine that he was just at the beginning of undressing him completely. That Simon was lying here with a look of want in his eyes, instead of ignoring him."I'm going for a shower." Simon decided when Robert placed his shoes next to the bed. "Why?" Robert asked in a desperate attempt to keep him there, on the bed. Simon laughed strangely; "Uhm, Well, because I stink?" He shook his head and tried to get up, but Robert blocked him. Simon's eyes widened when Robert came closer, and closer still...Robert eyed him suspiciously as he hovered above him on all fours, Simon lay there helplessly, their bodies didn't touch but Simon would be lying if he said there was no sexual tension at that moment.Robert then buried his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. When he pulled away, his lips brushed against Simon's skin and left goosebumps."No, you don't," Robert concluded, raising his head, and he tried not to laugh at Simon's expression. A mixture of annoyance and arousal."And didn't you have a shower already? I thought I heard the shower running last night.." Robert continued, Simon got more and more uncomfortable underneath him and snapped; "Jesus Christ, what are you on about!?""I can shower whenever the fuck I want to, you're acting weird." He huffed, and he pushed Robert away before sitting up."Just fuck off!"Robert stared at him with wide eyes. He didn't expect an outburst like that and he was a bit startled. He instantly regretted his move on Simon, it wasn't his intention to anger him. Not at all! He just wanted to play a little game of teasing, but it wasn't working the way it should.Or was it?He watched as Simon got a pair of clean boxers out of his suitcase. Before he entered the bathroom, Simon looked back at him. There was a bit of guilt in his eyes, Robert instantly recognized it.Yet, the bulge in Simon's trousers didn't go unnoticed to Robert, who bit his lip as soon as Simon disappeared behind the bathroom door. He almost gasped out loud when he heard the door lock.Simon never locked the bathroom door.Robert knew just why he did that, and it didn't take long for him to tiptoe towards the door and listen to what Simon was up to.*Shit! Simon thought to himself as he looked down at the growing bulge. He didn't mean to be so harsh at Robert, and he had no idea why he was turned on now. This wasn't the right time at all to get all hot and bothered.Well, maybe he had an idea why...It could've been the fact that he hadn't got off last night, with the girl. She left him sitting on her bed, blue balled, while she got sick in the bathroom and crawled out minutes later with an ashy face and feverish temperature. Turned out she didn't really like the Sangria he offered her earlier.Maybe it was a good idea to just go for it in the shower, he thought. He didn't feel like going for a hunt down at the bar to find a new girl, not tonight at least.Robert stood there on the other side with his ear pressed against the door. At first, he heard nothing but the rustling of clothes as Simon was undressing. Then, the loud noise of water crashing down on the shower tiles. It was hard to hear Simon over the stream of water.Simon stood there, waiting for the water to get nice and warm. He couldn't stand keeping his eyes open, because he saw himself in the mirror, even seeing his reflection from the corner of his eye was too much. Yet, every time he shut them, those images of Robert came back.Hovering above him on all fours, his lips on Simon's neck. The hungry stares in the restaurant... His mouth wide open, his body trembling and shocking heavily as he came. And the sounds, oh those sweet sounds.Simon rubbed himself over his boxers, his other hand holding him up as he leaned on the counter. It only took a minute or two, and Robert heard that first, desperate small noise coming from Simon's mouth. It was quickly muffled by a cough."Simon!!" Robert's loud voice startled him."Simon let me in, I need to have my after sun!" Robert was still shouting while Simon struggled to put his loose trousers back on, to hide himself in. Robert knocked hard and impatient."Yes yes, calm down." Simon opened the door, breathless, and Robert looked at him weirdly. Then, he pushed Simon aside and grabbed the after sun bottle from the counter, shaking it before screwing off the cap."Jesus- Robert, for how long have you been sitting on that balcony?" Simon said when he saw Robert's skin. Robert took off his shirt and Simon saw the line where the collar of his loose shirt had been this morning. Except for that bit of sun-exposed skin, his back was so pale, so perfect. It was a shame Robert had let it get damaged like that."Si?" Simon averted his gaze from Robert's back immediately. "Could you help me with this?"Robert held the bottle in the air as he stood with his front towards the counter. Simon knew that this question would come and that there was only one answer to it.The skin was glowing, so warm when Simon put his hand on Robert's back. When he poured some of the liquid onto his skin, Robert hissed at the sudden coldness. "Fuck!" he muttered and he bent over the counter just a little, leaning onto it, both hands gripped it firmly.Robert knew exactly what he was doing, and that it was going perfect.Simon cleared his throat and swallowed, blinking hard again like he always did when nervous. Robert felt his hands tremble as he rubbed the soothing substance into Robert's skin. He caressed his shoulders carefully, so sweet, and then his shoulder blades.Robert moaned softly, it was a risky thing to do. Simon's hands froze but didn't withdraw.After a few seconds, he hesitantly began to massage Robert's back some more until he stood up straight again."Well that's enough, don't you think?" Robert laughed. "I didn't ask for a massage, just applying it was enough. But thanks!"Simon was flushed and knew that Robert could see that he was hard, just by the flustered look on his face."Oh and hurry up," Robert continued like some sort of authority, "That shower has been running for at least ten minutes now." With that he shut the door again.Simon didn't wait, he immediately went to lock the door and he took off his trousers and boxers again.He saw the shirt that Robert had left in the sink and took it with him into the shower. He buried his nose into the cotton shirt and that unique scent of Robert, musky and sweet. A bit salty from sweating under the sun, or under him when they...Fuck he wanted him again. All of him now.He wanted to feel Robert's skin against his own, he wanted to feel everything. He couldn't deny himself any longer."Simon!" It was him again, but Simon couldn't stop now, Robert would have to wait."Hurry up!" Robert shouted and laughed at the double meaning of his words, "Just finish already." Not that Simon knew he was listening of course.Simon bit into his fist and came so hard in his hand, his knees almost buckled. The image of Robert getting fucked by that stranger last night, so rough, was the thing that got him over the edge. He was breathing heavily as he sat down on the wet tiles and turned off the tap.Robert's shirt was soaked with water and god knows what else.Oh fuck no, Simon thought, and he hid Robert's shirt under a pile of used towels.For now, he thought.When he opened the door, he was glad to see that Robert wore a clean shirt and wasn't intending to wear the other one again."It's all yours.." Simon mumbled absently as he left the door open for Robert.He heard Robert going through his pouch with make-up. He lay down on the bed with a groan and prayed that he wouldn't go through the used towels for whatever reason. "Shit, where's my shirt" Simon heard Robert whisper to himself and he held his breath.Robert wasn't stupid, he knew just where he had left his shirt and that Simon had moved it somewhere else. He approached Simon so slow, he enjoyed the ashamed face of the figure that lay on the bed, barely protected by the towel around his waist.Simon was waiting. Robert was going to ask him, he would find out. It was embarrassing to say the least and he wanted the mattress to swallow him up at that moment.But Robert didn't ask a thing. All he did was crawl onto the bed again just like earlier and he hovered so close above him.Simon's heart was racing. He tried so hard to stay relaxed, to act unbothered, but it was useless."I know what you did, Si."There was a long moment of silence. Simon was suffering, and Robert loved every second of it. Just to see him like this, unwilling to admit, yet aware that they both knew the truth.Robert secretly hoped that Simon would get it now, that things would fall into place for him and make sense. And that Simon would flip them both around and make up for what happened this morning.But Simon didn't do that, of course he did not. He was still far too overwhelmed. Both exhausted, excited and afraid.And what Robert said then, made Simon wish the girl from last night would've infected him with the flu."Now get dressed, Porl and Boris are waiting for us."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
CLOSE TO ME ~Just try to see in the darkJust try to make it workTo feel the fear before you're here~ It was an awful night, the atmosphere was bad and there were only a handful of people. No energy, no fun, and no good music either. The pub was mainly filled with old and depressed blokes, apart from a group of French men all suited up and wearing ties.After a few pints they all wanted to leave, but Porl didn't want to go to the club. "I told you, I'm not into those places. Am not a fucking smackhead..." He said."Shall we just go to the hotel bar then?" Simon insisted with faint hopes of getting at least a bit tipsy. "Last night was alright there, wasn't it?""Yes, it was fun.." Robert nodded, his eyes turned playful as he stared into Simon's. "But how would you know? You barely even finished your first drink before you left with that blonde...""Simon!" Boris covered his mouth with his hand and did his best 'loathed housewife' imitation. "I thought you were a faithful man Simon, how dare you!" At those words, Robert snorted a bit too loud and mumbled something to himself. Porl sighed in annoyance, he was ready to leave and didn't want to wait any longer. He leaned against Boris who was still sitting on his stool, the money to pay his bill was in his hand, and clear in the sight of the bartender.*On the way back they discovered that the city was far more quiet than usual, and when they arrived hotel bar was empty. Nobody, not a soul. The lamps were on though. Robert approached the bar and searched for the bartender, he wasn't there. It was after a few moments when someone came through the door of the small staff room."Can I help you?" the man asked Robert with a hushed tone, and Robert asked him why there were so few people. They had a little conversation while the others just stood and waited from a distance.After a short while, the man turned and headed back to his room, Robert turned back to the others. "Yeah sorry, I forgot," He began. "they have some sort of remembrance day here each year, which is today. We can order something if we want, but it's a bit disrespectful I think.""Shall we just head back to our rooms then?" Porl asked, and then corrected himself. "No, wait- honestly I don't mind what you folks are gonna do but I'm off." Then he turned around and disappeared without another word.Before Boris followed him, he turned to Simon and asked; "Do you still need the key?" Simon stared at him questioningly and Boris rolled his eyes. "You needed Lol's key, remember?" Simon could sense that Robert was listening and he got nervous."Oh, that.. Uhm no, no I don't think so." Simon stuttered, from the corner of his eye he saw that Robert came to stand next to him, as Boris hurried to catch up with Porl."Why did you need to be in Lol's room?" Robert asked, playing dumb. He knew just why Simon had asked Boris for that key. He felt happy that Simon had said no though, for a moment he worried that he scared Simon off and that they wouldn't spend the night together."I didn't." Was all that Simon said, and he began to walk. He quickly noticed that Robert wasn't following him, and he halted again when he heard his voice."Where are you going Si?"When Simon looked back over his shoulder, he saw that Robert seemed a bit disappointed. Like a playful dog ignored by his owner, Robert's head was tilted and his eyes were questioning."I uhh... I thought we were going back to the room as well?""Oh, I thought.." Robert sighed and a soft smile replaced his sad face. "I thought you needed to be alone or something."Simon shook his head and then motioned for Robert to follow him.*"Shame we couldn't party," Simon mumbled as the two of them stood in front of the elevator. "I sure felt like dancing tonight."Robert chuckled at that. "Well, I'm not going to stop you. Go on, dance then!" The noise of a ringing bell startled them both as the doors opened, and they walked in."Nope. I'm not going to dance on my own." Simon said, and even though the doors had already closed again behind their backs, neither of them felt the need to press the button.This was perfect.There was a long silence, intense eye contact. It wasn't uncomfortable, but both men started to feel the build-up of adrenaline within the small cabin. Simon watched how Robert's chest expanded with each deep breath, and how he started to back up into the steel wall.Simon knew he wouldn't be stopped. Just by the way Robert was staring at him, it was such an inviting stare.Their kiss was deep and slow. One of Simon's hands was placed onto the wall Robert was pressed against, his other hand was just behind Robert's ear and he tilted his head to deepen the kiss even more.Robert's hands were on Simon's chest, not quite pushing him away, but enough to stop their bodies from the meeting. His kisses were so wanton though. It made Simon confused once again.A startled gasp came from Robert and echoed around them as the cabin started to move with a shock. It took them a while to think clear again and realise someone wanted to use the elevator. They quickly pulled away from each other and Simon wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. A mischievous smile on both of their faces.*A man, tall and broad, entered the elevator.It was the man Robert slept with the night before. Both Robert and Simon recognised him immediately. He was the one person they both did not want to see right now.He greeted them both enthusiastically and his extrovert loudness gladly left no room for awkward silences.The cheerful man seemed to have forgotten how Simon unintentionally angered him the night before. He seemed slightly drunk, from his incoherent speech and the way he was leaning against the iron doors of the lift."Why don't you guys come to the party, there's a bunch of people in my room and there's lots of booze and other stuff" He proposed, eyeing both men. "Oh, no sorry" Robert quickly answered. "I have to get up early tomorrow, or else I would." And he smiled apologetically."Ah come on," The man tried again, Simon began to panic. Why was this elevator moving so slow?! "Just one drink, or at least smoke a cigarette with me. This is my last night here!" The man was pushing them, Robert, to come along. His voice was getting whinier.Robert turned to Simon, wordlessly asking him, Simon gave him a reluctant but consenting nod."Alright then," Robert said. "But we really can't stay for too long."Simon felt a nasty pain in his chest. He didn't like this man, he didn't like his overjoyed behaviour and he couldn't understand why Robert did like him.The doors opened on the third floor and the man stepped out, Robert did as well. Simon stayed in the small cabin. "I'm going back to the room." He stated. Robert couldn't tell by the tone in his voice whether he should be worried or not. Simon pressed the button with their floor number and looked down at his shoes.The doors closed again and Robert felt a hand on his shoulder, it slid down his arm and to his waist. For some reason, he immediately felt sick."Well, he sure seems fun to be around.." The man mumbled sarcastically.Robert felt angry, he didn't want to go alone but there was no way he could go back now. He couldn't really blame Simon though, if Robert were to stand in his shoes, he would've done the same thing.*The room was filled with at least 15 people. It was a bit different from his and Simon's suite. It was much fancier, there were more beds, and the balcony was bigger. People were sitting, half-lying over each other on the sofa. MTV was on, and people were dancing. At least the music wasn't too bad.Nobody seemed to recognize Robert, and that didn't bother him for a second. He gazed around, searching for an empty chair. A bottle of beer was pushed into his hands, when Robert looked up he saw that it was him. The man winked at him before he turned around to talk to someone else.Robert needed some space, he had to go somewhere where he could think and make a plan to escape from here without appearing to be rude. He had to push a few people aside to make his way to the bathroom, causing some irritated huffs and glares directed at him.When he opened the door he saw two bodies clinging onto each other. The heavy breaths and whispers, and the wet sounds of kissing made him grimace. It was dark so he couldn't see any details, but it was obvious that they were feeling each other up. He quickly shut the door again and made a U-turn back to the room, deciding that the balcony was a better place to go.*Simon slammed the door behind him as he entered the room. shouting as he did. He felt awful for not asking Robert to come with him. And he also felt hurt, because Robert didn't say no to the man. But then, that was his own stupid fault. He should've never nodded when Robert turned to him, or else Robert would be here now, right beside him.This was all a big misunderstanding.It was not that Simon couldn't spend an hour, or a few, without him. The thing that bothered him was that he knew for sure what was bound to happen at that party. That man would continue just where they left off yesterday night before Simon came in, and Robert would happily join in.The jealousy was so intense, it gave Simon a sour taste in his mouth. He felt his body tense up and he needed a drink, now more than ever. He rummaged about in his suitcase, looking for that bottle of vodka he swore he put in there. But there was nothing.He hurried to the minibar instead, finding quite a few bottles of beer in there. It wasn't strong enough, but at least it was something...*It was cold, outside on the balcony.Robert stood there alone, staring into the distance as he let his elbows rest on the railing, the bottle still half-full in his hands. He couldn't hear what song was playing, he could only hear the loud bass coming through the closed balcony doors.The sound became more clear as the door opened behind him. He didn't want to turn around, he knew who it was, right away. His heart started to beat faster, not in a nice kind of way, and he forced himself to stay focused on the firehouse so far away. He knew if he'd look at the man, he would be trapped."Hey.." The man spoke softly, not wanting to startle Robert. When there was no response, the man approached him. Robert felt like crying when he felt those big hands on his back again, sliding up towards his shoulders. Then the sensation of a body pressed against him from behind, still warm as he just came out of that hot, sweaty room."For how long have you been standing here, love?"The man noticed his lack of response and distanced himself a bit from Robert, he moved away and was now standing next to him, copying Robert by leaning onto the railing as well. "I don't know," Robert said and he took a big swig from his beer, "I can't stay here anymore I think, what time is it?"The man checked his watch, Robert could see from the corner of his eye that it was expensive. Suddenly it made sense why this man was staying here, with all these people partying in such a big suite. He was rich."Twelve thirty." The man said. Robert could see on the man's watch that it was not true. "No, it's one thirty." Robert corrected him and he was now looking up at the man. The man seemed a bit desperate and he fumbled with his watch. "Oh sorry, yeah." He turned his whole body to Robert again and Robert was still looking up at him with impatience written all over his face. "But can't we- please stay a little longer." The man pleaded, and he lowered his voice when he continued. "I need you again, I've been thinking about you all day."The man's eyes changed into those of a predator. He spoke fast and it started to convince Robert. "Those people, I can kick them out, I don't care. I just need to have you one more time before I leave. Please." Robert felt so desired, the way this man was begging for him to stay made him feel special. He remembered how the man had told him just how much he loved his body, how pretty he was, how good he felt.The faint smile on Robert's face was enough for the man to pull him back into the room by his wrist. Robert felt embarrassed when they entered the room together, but nobody seemed to care, everyone was in their own bubble the music was loud and got them in a trance.He let go of Robert when they were in the middle of the room, the man roughly unplugged the stereo system and the room fell quiet. Robert stood in the corner and silently watched as the man climbed onto the table."Party's over, everyone. C'est fini! The neighbours are complaining, everyone has to leave now or else we're in trouble."The man's statement was followed by many disappointed moans and booing noises, but the people began to collect their stuff surprisingly quick. He seemed to have them all under his thumb.*Simon sat on the sofa, he was watching a program on tv but he couldn't understand. It was some sort of game show, in French of course, and it was incredibly funny to him in the tipsy state he was in.He had tried to call Carol a couple of times but she didn't pick up the phone. She was probably asleep or drinking wine with her girlfriends. He started to miss her, which was new to him. A nasty feeling of guilt hit him when he thought about how faithful she had been, and how gross that made him for sleeping with other girls behind her back.And she knew he did, he never told her, she just knew. Yet, she never confronted him about it, not literally. He could just sense it, from the way she behaved when he came back from tour. She was always hesitant when it came to intimacy after Simon had been away for weeks, sometimes even months. She would say things to him like; "You don't look at me the way you did before, I can see it in your eyes." It was only when he screamed out her name in ecstasy, she would give in and let go of her reluctance. She just needed that confirmation that she was the one he loved after he scarred their bond once again.Simon started to cry. It surprised him, he hadn't cried for a long time. Not since the happy tears of reunion, when Robert asked him to come back again. Sadly, this was the complete opposite.Just a day ago, he thought everything was going perfect. It was only now when he started to realise how much of a lie his life really was, how he kept hurting the people he loved most for his own sake. How selfish he actually was.*The walk back to his own suite felt like a walk of shame.Memories and images of the man, who was apparently called "Don" by his friends, kept playing in his head and he felt even worse than he did before agreeing to sleep with him again.As soon as the door closed behind the last leaving guest, Don had firmly grabbed him by his upper arm as he pulled him towards one of the beds. Robert had been just as eager, he let himself be dropped onto the bed like a ragdoll and didn't care that the lights were on.Instead of kissing the man, slowly undressing him or even letting him lie down, Robert immediately went for his zipper and undid it. He pulled Don's jeans down to his thighs, along with his boxers, finding out that he was already rock hard.Robert didn't feel like doing foreplay, he didn't want to waste any time but most importantly; he didn't want to think. He just wanted this to happen before he could change his mind.He refused to let himself be kissed, he remembered how Don had kissed him before and it wasn't nearly as good as Simon's kisses. Robert only wanted one thing from him and Don gave him just what he needed when he pounded Robert into the mattress and sucked him off right after that.It only took them about half an hour, but it was enough. They both got what they wanted, and Robert left immediately after they were done. He didn't feel like cuddling, kissing or saying goodbye, Don had fallen asleep anyway.He was walking slow, almost there, their room number was already in sight and Robert felt his used and spent body ache. He knew Simon was in there, he had no idea in what state he would find him but he knew for sure that he didn't want to talk to Simon. All he wanted was to sleep now.When he opened the door, the room was dark except for the light of the muted tv that shone all kinds of colours on Simon's exhausted face. The sound of the door being locked again was what startled Simon awake and he mumbled "hmm no, wasn't sleeping," with a hoarse voice. He seemed a bit disoriented at first but then he looked Robert straight in the eyes and he sat up. He didn't greet Robert, he only stared as Robert hung his coat on the hook and hesitantly moved to the sofa.Robert noticed how Simon was still wearing his coat, his shoes. everything. He knew he must have been sitting here for hours, waiting for him to come back. Robert instantly regretted what he had done. Simon suspiciously watched the way Robert sat down carefully next to him, too careful. It was the small wince that came from Robert's mouth, which made Simon's eyes go dark and empty."I'm going to bed," Simon murmured. His skin was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. Their gazes met for a short moment when Simon stood up and looked down at him. Robert saw how Simon's eyes were red and swollen and hoped that it was not him who caused those tears."Simon, wait." Robert tried, and he turned to Simon. But he just continued to walk away and escaped into the other room.*"What the.." Simon shifted and rolled about under the sheets, an obvious tone of annoyance in his voice.Robert lie next to him awake, he went to bed not much later than Simon did. Crawling in bed in the same room as his friend without saying "goodnight" felt unfamiliar and he couldn't sleep because of it. He just wanted to work it out quickly, no hard feelings, no stiff upper lip or any of that bullshit anymore."Are these.. Are these fucking crumbs?" Simon asked. Robert knew it had to be directed at him and he couldn't believe that this had to happen right now at the worst possible moment."Oh yes uhm... sorry," Robert said and Simon huffed. "You did this? Really?".Robert didn't respond, he felt so stupid and childish. He listened as Simon tried to wipe his sheets clean. "Fuck," Simon cursed under his breath, "might as well go to Lol's room."."Simon," Robert whispered, "please don't leave."Simon didn't say anything. For a while, Robert felt scared, but as time passed and Simon made no effort to get up, he drifted into a deep sleep.*Simon shifted in his bed again, he couldn't get comfortable. Some crumbs were still digging into his skin, even though he wiped most of them off the mattress with his hand.He spent his time thinking, worrying again, about his friendship with Robert and how his jealousy over what happened was unfair and made him a hypocrite. The thought that Robert might have just done this to hurt him floated through his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. No, Robert wouldn't do that. He's not like that.He heard rustling sounds coming from the other side of the room, then a small distressed groan. Simon opened his eyes, but it was too dark to see Robert, he only saw his silhouette and a pile of sheets at the end of his bed. He must've kicked those off of him, in his sleep.Simon felt so tired, he kept drifting off and waking up again, he had no idea what time it was and the night seemed to last forever. He just wanted to sleep."No... no-" Robert's voice was muffled by the pillow, "give it back... give..." Simon listened to that soft voice in amusement, he had no idea what Robert was dreaming about, his sleepy complaints made no sense.*He couldn't find Mary. She left him there on the sidewalk after she stole his ring. She didn't listen when he begged her to come back and to give back his ring. It felt like he wasn't even there when she looked right through him.He wandered around, got lost and it had started to rain. It was too dark to recognize the faces around him, the brightness of the street lights only made them blur more. The people were so tall, it was frightening.Robert had no idea where he was, there was no phone booth in sight and no place to hide.His clothes were soaked and heavy, which made it hard for him to move. The people around him started to push him away and in the direction of the busy road. He had no strength to push back and he started to panic. Just before he lost his balance and was about to fall in front of a car, the people stopped pushing and went back to ignoring him.*Robert had climbed out of the bed. Simon's eyes were closed but he could hear him shuffle through the room. He must be sleepwalking Simon thought, because he could hear him mumble nonsense.Simon tried so hard to make words out of Robert's incoherent speech, but they just made no sense and Simon fell asleep again, but only a light sleep. He had to make sure Robert wouldn't make an escape and sleepwalk about in the hallway.*His mother, suddenly, in the distance and on the other side of the road. Robert hadn't seen her in a while. All the worries about Mary and the ring were forgotten and he was instantly overflown with pure happiness and relief at the sight of his mother.She manoeuvred her way through the traffic, crossing the road and towards him. She didn't see him, he saw that she held a small child by the hand, it was his little nephew."Mum!" He shouted as she stepped onto the sidewalk with the little boy."Mum, it's me!" He waved, but she didn't look up, she only quickened her pace and walked right past him. The boy, who must've been about three years old, did see him."Hey, wait.." Robert said hesitantly, but the boy jumped away in fear, hiding behind mother's raincoat. It broke his heart, such painful rejection. She didn't slow down and pulled the child along with her as they hastily made their way through the stormy weather.Robert tried to keep up with them, to walk with them. Even if they ignored him, he still wanted to see them and make sure they made it home safely. But he was slowed down by an invisible force that made his limbs so heavy, and eventually, he had to stop walking. He couldn't move anymore.He saw his nephew's eyes one last time, wide and so afraid, before mother pulled at his hand again and they disappeared into the darkness."Robert!"*Simon slapped Robert in the face. He didn't hit him too hard, he wouldn't do that, but there seemed to be no other way to wake him up.Robert flinched, clenched his eyes shut and opened them again, he blinked a few times and looked around him with utter confusion. He tried to recognize his surroundings, and only then, he saw Simon standing in front of him. The sudden cold breeze that hit Robert made him aware he was standing outside on the balcony. He was so relieved to see Simon looking at him with no ignorance or hatred in his eyes.Simon watched with fearful eyes as the first tear fell from Robert's eye. "I don't know what's-" Robert's voice broke before he could even finish, he began to cry and he didn't look away from Simon. He didn't feel the need to hide like he normally would.The adrenaline made Simon tremble and he didn't really respond when Robert cried. He was still processing what had just happened. For a while they just stood there, facing each other, the dead silence of night gave them room to think, to clear their heads."I didn't even know you were a sleepwalker," Simon stated. He held his own head in his hands as the dizziness started to kick in after he had jumped out of bed."Me neither Si," Robert said with a hushed voice. Simon turned away from him and stared into the night, the street lamps and the rooftops of dark homes. He wondered if all of this he saw would've been just as calm if..."Jesus- You could've.." Simon looked over the railing of the small balcony and grimaced as he quickly stepped back into the safety of their room again."Oh come on, it's not that high" Robert chuckled with a sleepy voice. "It's just your fear of heights that makes you think so." He tried to seem undisturbed, yet his heart was beating erratically and his hands trembled."It is," Simon said, shaking his head with a firm look in his eye, "don't act all macho now.."Simon held out his hand for Robert, who immediately grabbed it and he found himself in Simon's arms almost automatically. This was not the time for teasing mind games or burning jealousy, they both knew they needed it and it was all good, for now.Robert's voice was small and delicate when he spoke, and those few words meant the world to Simon."Thank you Si..."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
THE RING Robert trembled violently in Simon's arms."Are you cold?" Simon whispered, there was no reason to raise his voice in this silence.He pulled away to look at Robert's face and saw how wide his eyes were. Robert began to hastily mouth panicked words but no sound came from his mouth, only quick breaths and sobs."I'm so sorry, I'm so-" Robert's voice finally emerged and it was raw, he closed his eyes and his frown squeezed another tear from his eye."Fuck! Si, I should've never... So fucking sorry-"."What?? Robert..." Simon began, not quite understanding why Robert was apologising. "You were dreaming, you didn't do this on purpose! Stop apologising, it's all okay now..""No... No!" Robert shook his head at Simon's attempt to comfort him. How could he forget this so quickly?"I mean, I mean about the whole thing with Don, that guy, you know? And you. I should've just- it was so selfish to-". The soothing way Simon had massaged his shoulders stopped. Robert's eyes rolled up to the sky, looking for a way to fix this mess which was maybe written in stars, but of course, there was nothing."Oh, that" Simon murmured, suddenly remembering it all again. "Well, you know... It wasn't a good idea anyway, to- Uhm, you know.." Simon tried to sound nonchalant, but his heart ached so very much when he said it. "And what you and that other guy have, I've got nothing to do with all that anyway."Robert wanted to ask if it was true. If Simon really thought it had been a bad idea, and if he regretted what they had done. But he knew that if he asked, he would most definitely get hurt more."But Si," Robert began, he just had to say this, no matter what the consequences were, "you do know he means nothing to me because I don't love him, right? And that I do love you?".Simon smiled a bit, not obvious, just a small heart-warming grin, followed by a slow nod."And you have to know that that won't change, no matter what." Robert's hands slid on top of Simon's, still pressing onto his shoulders. "Even if you decide to leave again, and god- please don't do that to me ever again! But even then, I would still love you."Simon moved away from Robert some more, quite literally giving himself some room to think. "Of course I won't leave, silly," he said. "I just want to know, well, I have to be sure about this.." Simon paused for a long while, looking for the right way to phrase this vulnerable question."Does it just end here? Like, not the friendship- or whatever but... I mean- all the stuff that happened the other day. Should we really just go on with life and forget about it?"Robert heard the disappointed tone in his voice, which gave him so much hope. But he knew very well he couldn't jump into Simon's arms and kiss him, he couldn't play with his heart like that anymore. He should have never done it, looking back. Simon was too sensitive, too loving and jealous for these rude games.And in the end, Robert hadn't enjoyed the teasing as much as he thought he would either. Too much trouble, too much heartbreak. And the fact that Simon just couldn't stay mad at him, while Robert obviously deserved it, made him feel even more guilty."I never said so..." Robert stated, his voice so soft, it almost sounded like a question. "But now we should go to sleep, let's talk tomorrow, shall we?""Oh- Okay..." Simon hesitantly spoke. He didn't seem relieved to hear Robert's words at all. It only made him more restless. He knew he would not be able to sleep well after those words because his mind would simply keep him awake and wondering. "Don't worry too much, Si.." Robert said with a concerned tone in his voice, as he comfortingly rubbed Simon's arm, "I'm just too tired to talk now, that's all."Simon only responded with a soft smile, and Robert mimicked him. It was only for a short moment and not much happened from the outside, but inside they both knew this was one of those memorable moments in their friendship. It was rare, just the two of them together, being somewhat sober and having full attention for each other. Words don't say much when you have such a spiritual bond, and somehow, those special moments always seem to occur at night.The dark circles under Robert's eyes triggered Simon to yawn, Robert chuckled softly and asked him what he had wanted to ask earlier, but that was before things went wrong and Simon got upset."Simon..?" Robert began, he held his hands behind his back and looked up with a tilted head. He reminded Simon of a child asking for more sweets."Do you want to sleep in my bed... with me?" Robert cringed at himself for asking it like that. But then, Simon might've gotten the wrong impression if he had just asked him to sleep with him. Simon just nodded with a broad smile, thinking it was such a sweet and intimate thing to ask."Might get a bit cramped though.." Simon mumbled, yet sitting down on the mattress anyway. There was no way he would decline that lovely offer. "We made it work yesterday, remember? When we took a nap together." Robert said and closed the balcony doors before walking back to Simon.Remember? Simon wanted to laugh, of course he remembered. And what he remembered even more clearly was what happened right after that nap..."Yeah, that was nice," Simon murmured.He lay down and moved towards the wall to make room for Robert, who made himself comfortable. He sighed happily and rested his head on Simon's chest. Robert then took it a step further as he lay on his side, curled one of his legs around Simon's and leaned more towards his body, now half on top of him.The fear and loneliness Robert had felt after his nightmare, now faded as Simon held him close. It didn't take long before Simon felt Robert's sleeping body get heavier on his, the weight of his sweet friend soon made him drift off as well. ** Let's talk tomorrow, shall we?Robert's promise hadn't left Simon's mind, and the restless feeling came back once again when Simon woke up.Robert and he had somehow swapped sides during the night and Simon was now balancing on the edge of the mattress, while Robert lay comfortably on his stomach, facing the wall. That was one reason why he had woken up so early, the other reason was the bright morning light that came through the glass doors of the balcony. None of them had thought of closing the curtains again last night, before crawling into bed.Waking Robert up was not an option, considering how grumpy and annoyed he could be when his precious hours of sleep got interrupted. And how that might influence their 'talk'. It came to Simon's mind that maybe he should just cherish the moment, and enjoy having Robert so close.Carefully, Simon slid his hand over Robert's back and onto his waist. He pulled and gently rolled Robert onto his side, causing him to let out a sleepy groan which was quickly followed by a soft snore. A tingly feeling like butterflies. Simon felt it go right through him as he spooned Robert's warm, sleeping body. ** "Hmm..?"Simon hadn't realised he had fallen back to sleep until he heard Robert's soft hum. He began to tense in Simon's embrace as he yawned, then quickly relaxing his muscles again. Simon wished they could stay like this forever. Robert made a perfect little spoon, like this, and Simon enjoyed his warmth so much, he didn't even miss the sheets Robert had kicked off the bed during the night."Simon?" Robert's voice sounded surprisingly awake, and also on the verge of... laughter? Simon didn't feel like talking and instead held him closer as a sign that he was awake and listening."Si!" Robert exclaimed, most definitely laughing now."You're fucking hard!"He hadn't even realised it until Robert said so. Suddenly it made sense why it felt so good to feel Robert's sleepy movements against him. Simon didn't know whether he should be embarrassed or not, after everything that had already happened between them. He thought about it for a moment while Robert continued to laugh, still facing away from him.Eventually, he decided not to respond at all to Robert's remark. Instead, Simon stared at the back of Robert's head, his hair was damp and his neck glistened with sweat. He didn't remember if Robert had been so sweaty after the nightmare. Looking down, he saw that Robert was sweating everywhere. His white shirt had turned into a see-through on the places where it was most soaked, and it showed skin of his shoulder blades and spine.Robert's laughter faded after a while. He noticed how Simon didn't respond, even though he was quite sure Simon was awake."Hey..." Robert spoke more softly now, a reassuring tone in his voice. He slid a hand over the arm that was lying there, lazily on his waist and found Simon's hand."It's okay, I don't mind."Those quiet words of consent were responded to with a hesitant kiss; just the soft brush of lips against the back of Robert's damp neck. Simon tasted the saltiness, mixed with Robert's sweet taste when he backed away a bit to lick his lips."Robert, can we- can we uhm.."That deep, sleepy, bedroom voice. Robert felt a sudden rush of adrenaline that made his body shiver. A deep inhale, immediately followed by an exhale through his nose before Simon continued."We should talk."Well... That was not what Robert expected to hear. Not something he was looking forward to either. But he remembered how he had promised Simon that they would, and he knew they had to talk about it at some point."Yes... Yes, we should." Robert spoke softly as he tried to shift, to face Simon, there was a sad undertone in his voice as if he was giving in to something he had fought against for a long time.Simon was facing him still, and Robert instantly noticed how nervous he seemed. He was fumbling with the pillowcase and he had a pensive expression on his face. His eyes met Robert's a few times, but only shortly, and he kept looking away as if something was distracting him."I want to know..." Simon began, his voice rising a bit at the end as if he was asking a question. He wasn't really sure how to say it, once again he couldn't find the words. A deep sigh followed."Just... Just tell me what you want, Robert."The mild frustration in Simon's voice, his statement followed by a huff and those deep, dark eyes looking down after saying it. All of that. It took Robert back to the early days of their friendship. It reminded him of all those times Simon showed him that vulnerable side he had, that side he didn't like to show, afraid of being hurt. But Robert never did that.Not that Robert had never hurt him, because he definitely had, but not whenever Simon was like this - so honest with him, so hopeless and depending. Robert always found himself being there for him, offering him safety and comfort with open arms."I want you." Robert knew it was quite a thing to say, but it was the truth Simon deserved to know."I'm not going to say it again, I only want you to know. I don't expect anything from you,"Secretly, Robert knew that Simon would smile at hearing those words. He just never expected Simon to give him such a broad smile as he did now."Kiss me then," Simon said with a boyish grin and squinted eyes, so cheeky and irresistible, and for a moment Robert felt those same butterflies he felt ten years before.Robert didn't move in to kiss him. Instead, he reached for Simon's shoulder to pull him closer. Those strong hands instantly reached for Robert and held his face as they kissed passionately.Robert couldn't think about what he was doing, with Simon he didn't have to. Simon was such a good kisser, each time it still blew Robert's mind. It was as if he had planned each and every second of it, giving Robert just enough time to breathe before taking over again."Mmmh god- Si," Robert breathed when Simon finally pulled away, "I love the way you kiss me..."Simon's eyes seemed to sparkle for a second after Robert said that, and then they got into that intense state of focus once again, reading every detail of Robert's face. Simon loved the way Robert's expression changed from a dreamy gaze filled with love to one of shock, when he made the bold move of putting his hand on Robert and started feeling him up through his boxers."Ha! See?" Simon teased him, "Now you're hard as well!"Robert wanted to slap him - in a playful way - but when Simon began to move his hand again he couldn't make any protest. He never knew the simple pressure of a hand could make him feel so good, maybe it had to do with the fact that it was Simon, and that it was his hand he had been yearning for. Robert trapped that lovely, warm hand between clenched thighs. Just so that the lovely sensation wouldn't end as abruptly as it had begun."Hey!" Simon called and he tried to free his hand, but the friction of it only made Robert feel better and he started to laugh in between soft moans and sighs."You should- uhm.." Simon tried to speak after Robert had finally let go of his hand. It was the overwhelming sight of Robert, just moments before, that had caught him off guard and made it even harder for him to think."You should tell me some things, Robert." Their thighs touched as Simon moved even closer to Robert's body."Tell me what to do - how it works and all..."Simon's voice was deeper than usual and it sounded as if he was speaking through his teeth, and his eyes, so curious, but in a haunting kind of way."Well, first off..." Robert closed his eyes to think, and to escape from Simon's almost-intimidating stare. "It's not at all like it is with girls. Not just- hmm, the act itself. It's also the whole mental thing behind it. It's so much more intense, so primitive and rough. Like animals...""Is that why you like it so much?" Simon's voice had gone much softer, but Robert took no notice, too busy in his own head."Yes... Yes, that's why." Robert grinned as he stared at the ceiling."It's not that I like men that much, physically." He stopped, to think for a while before he went on. "A girl could just never make me feel like this, I suppose?""But you aren't attracted to boys... Physically?" Simon asked, insecurity suddenly taking over again and he wasn't good at hiding it."I've always said that you're attractive, Si," Robert said. He made sure his voice was gentle and reassuring, but Simon already knew Robert wouldn't lie to keep someone happy."But apart from that- I think you're a good lover as well..." Robert's hand found Simon's thigh, his fingers played with the soft, dark hairs he had never touched before. "Just the way you used your fingers, the other day..." Simon's eyes widened at those words, but Robert shamelessly continued; "You prepared me so, so well."Robert finally turned to Simon again, Simon had turned into a blushing and impatient mess by now and Robert decided to give him a taste of his own medicine by looking deeply into those dark eyes. "Shame you never finished what you started..." And while Robert intended to turn him on with those words, Simon only began to feel bad again."Told you I was sorry," Simon mumbled, "what else do you want me to say?""See? That's where it goes wrong." Robert chuckled, and he shook his head, "I want you to tell me, and I want you to take control. You are too hesitant, too careful with me.""If you want something, just ask. Don't wait for me to initiate it." Robert's hand came up to the side of Simon's face, he caressed his face softly and Simon closed his eyes."I can handle it, Si..."Simon sighed, he was in a dreamy state of excitement as he stared at Robert right next to him. He was so beautiful and willing, so pure as he was comfortably relaxing in his boxers and the polo shirt he was still wearing since last night. He began to realise that he was one of the very few people who got to see him like this, who got to be so close to him.It was as if an unknown force took over his body when Simon rolled Robert onto his back once more and climbed on top of him. Robert easily went along with him, doing just what Simon wanted him to do and joined in happily when Simon kissed him.Robert's hands clumsily moved down Simon's body, who was still kissing him deeply. Oh, how he loved to finally drag his hands down that muscular back...When his hands found Simon's hips he pushed his body down and into his, desperately.Robert found himself spreading his legs, and Simon began to move his hips against him so smooth and slow during that everlasting kiss.Simon hummed against Robert's lips before he pulled away. He didn't expect Robert to taste this good, even in the morning. He sat back on his knees and watched how Robert lay there in front of him, out of breath and with his eyes half-closed.He saw Robert's eyes glancing down quickly, before looking up again, now with an apparent look of lust. Simon knew exactly what he meant by that little glance and he smirked knowingly before pulling Robert's legs up roughly and he let them rest on both his shoulders.Simon shivered, he could almost imagine what it would feel like to fuck him like this, he could slightly feel his warmth and Robert was giving him such dirty eyes, wordlessly encouraging him. The only thing that kept them apart was the thin fabric of their clothes."Did you fuck that blonde like this as well, last time?" Robert was referring to that French girl Simon was supposed to sleep with, two days ago."Never fucked her, actually," Simon chuckled, "that's why I came back here so early...""Hmmm," Robert seemed surprised, but the filthy tone never left his voice."So you saved all that up for me then?"Simon's eyes widened, he didn't know what to say. Normally he loved a bit of dirty talking in the bedroom, he usually was the one to initiate it. But with Robert, it was so strange...They talked about everything throughout their friendship, no taboos at all, but this was new. He couldn't come up with words to jokingly talk himself through it.The silence began to become awkward, Simon thought. Yet, Robert wasn't even aware of it, instead, he reached out to Simon, carefully touching him as he slid his hand over his boxers. He laughed when Simon tried to hold back a moan."Hold on," Robert said, and he abruptly pulled his legs away from Simon again and quickly sat on the edge of the bed. He stood up a bit too fast and was a bit wobbly when he hurried to the bathroom.Simon had a faint idea of what he was looking for when he heard Robert rustling through his stuff on the bathroom counter. Robert was taking quite some time trying to find what he was looking for, and in the meantime Simon tried to compose himself a bit, laying down on his back once again out of boredom.When Robert came back, Simon was surprised to see him with deep red lips. He had applied his lipstick very subtly this time, with no crimson smears around his mouth.He looked so breathtakingly gorgeous to Simon, his skin so pale and those sweet droopy blue eyes still filled with sleep... but that mouth, that pretty, glistening red mouth. Simon couldn't move his eyes from his lips."Girly enough for you now?" Robert said, but Simon didn't feel guilt at all this time. He only nodded, getting impatient as Robert shuffled so slowly towards the bed again.Robert clutched a small bottle of what could only be lube in his hand, Simon flinched as he tossed it right next to his face onto the pillow. Robert crawled onto the bed, at the foot of the mattress and lowered until he was lying down flat on his belly.Simon saw that big mop of hair pop up from between his thighs, and then, that naughty grin of his as he kissed the inside of Simon's thighs, leaving lipstick stains on the sensitive skin there.He reached out to touch Robert, he caressed his soft cheek and then he put his hand under Robert's chin, pulling his lower lip down with his thumb. Robert instantly started pressing little kisses on the tips of Simon's fingers, then over his entire hand, before moving back to his thighs.Simon groaned, spreading his legs just a little more as Robert started licking, even biting him gently, while he kissed his skin, open-mouthed."Fuck- please just.." Simon's voice was cut off by Robert, who bit his inner-thigh just where he discovered Simon was most sensitive. And then he raised his head, his lipstick already slightly smudged, and he smiled broadly before lowering his head again.He pressed his lips onto the bulge in Simon's boxers, already faintly noticing his lovely scent, which had never smelled until now.His hand came up to touch him, mostly out of curiosity, and with his finger he traced the outline of Simon's cock over the thin fabric.A wave of desperate lust overwhelmed him, and he shamelessly cupped Simon's hardness, feeling him twitch for a small moment before moving to the waistband with both hands."Can I take it off, Si?" Simon nodded, propped up on his elbows and watched him slack-jawed. Breathless already.Robert didn't hesitate and pulled it down hastily, slipping it off of him completely. He wanted nothing more than seeing Simon fully exposed. Looking down, Robert saw that Simon was already rock hard, his cock was leaking at the tip and Robert impulsively blurted the words out he had never said to anyone before."Fuck... You're huge, Si."It made Simon feel somewhat confident, although he wasn't feeling all too comfortable, being watched like this by his friend. Robert gently slid his hand over Simon's cock and he slowly began to stroke him. His hand felt so warm, so good to Simon, but he needed more."Hey..." Simon's breathy voice made Robert halt."Put that pretty mouth on me, will you?"Robert felt his face get hot at Simon's words, he didn't expect Simon to be so forward now. But he was glad that Simon finally fulfilled that dominant role Robert needed so much, and he eagerly obeyed.Simon tried his best to stay focused on Robert. His mouth felt too good, and he fought the urge to throw his head back, only to watch Robert go down on him. The way he was looking straight into Simon's eyes while licking the head of his cock, so teasingly, and after that he deep-throated him, effortlessly, humming as he did.Robert was having quite a bit of fun, making Simon feel so good. He felt him twitch a bit in his mouth, and those strong thighs kept tensing under his hands. He wasn't even trying to impress Simon with his skills, it was more like a game to him, to take as much as possible of him in his mouth. Busy as he was, Robert didn't notice Simon was getting close."Fuck! Robert-" Simon's voice sounded strangled and he pulled Robert's head up by his hair. Robert moaned and he thought Simon was just being rough."Stop..." Simon only managed to get that word out as he was trying to catch his breath. Robert suddenly realised, only when he saw Simon's flustered face, that he was on the edge. It made Robert smile.Robert pulled himself up again and crawled his way up the bed, curling up against Simon's body again. Strange enough, a sudden intense feeling of love and admiration filled his senses. Normally that didn't happen in the heat of the moment, but for some reason seeing Simon like this made him feel so warm and tingly inside.Robert was simply staring at Simon's sweating face when Simon opened his eyes again and turned to him. There was something in his eyes which Robert didn't recognize, but before he could process it, Simon's mouth was already on his.Simon was unstoppable now, he kissed him almost aggressively, so dominant, and he harshly pulled Robert to lay on top of him, squeezing Robert's arm as he did.Robert turned away to breathe, and Simon used that opportunity to continue his attack and went for his neck. He sucked and bit into the soft skin there, giving him love bites, finally claiming him.His hands roamed Robert's body, tracing his curves and squeezing him everywhere he was soft. Simon felt as if he could burst when Robert started moaning in his ears.Simon wanted to rip his shirt off his body, just to hear him gasp, and he was so desperate to see his body. He slid his hands under the fabric and like telepathy, Robert sat up and held his hands in the air, wordlessly telling Simon to take it off completely. And he did, throwing the shirt away in a random direction."Your shirt too," Robert whispered, frustrated as he tried to get Simon's shirt off him, but it was useless, and Simon quickly sat up to do it himself within a matter of seconds.Simon let himself fall back onto the mattress, his hands reaching out to cup Robert's face, looking up at Robert, how he was straddling him so perfectly."Robert, please,"Robert knew what he was about to ask. He knew this was the moment he had been waiting for, but still, there was something..."Let me... I- I want you, so bad." Simon continued. Robert didn't respond, he only brought his hand up to his mouth. Simon watched silently, a bit confused, but still intrigued at how Robert seemed to be sucking on his own ring finger.Robert removed his finger from his mouth, it was now covered with a thin coat of saliva. He was concentrating, struggling as he pulled at his promise ring, then finally, he slid it off of his finger."Give me your hand." Robert obliged, but his voice was gentle as ever. Simon now understood what Robert wanted, and he shook his head. "Why not?" It was a tiny noise that emerged from Robert's throat."I promised her to never take it off, Robert," a hint of sadness appeared as Simon mentioned her, "I can't do that.""You promised her to be faithful as well, didn't you?" Robert knew he was playing a dangerous game, but he just had to say it."Don't do this to me now, please..." Simon seemed puzzled, overwhelmed by the sudden change of mood."You don't take it off each time you sleep with someone, do you?""Simon, you're an emotional man, you know very well this is different." Robert saw the irritation on Simon's face, he knew Simon didn't want to hear it but it had to be said. "I love you, Simon. I can't make love to you while you're wearing the ring you got from someone who loves you just as much...""Please, just do this for me."Simon stayed silent, seemingly contemplating the request. A deep, trembling sigh followed, and Robert knew it was over. He had to look away, and he turned his head as if he was searching for something while actually, he was blinking away the tears.Then suddenly, he felt Simon's hand sliding over his. He felt his hand being tilted, and then, a silver ring was placed into the palm of his hand. Robert's jaw dropped. He saw that Simon's eyes were teary, at first Robert felt horrified, but then he saw that Simon's lips curled up into a loving smile."Simon," Robert said his name just for the sake of saying that lovely name once more, and again;"My Simon..." *•.THE END.•*