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Harry’s tour with his band, White Eskimo, has officially ended, one year and sixty-eight shows of being on the road later.Touring is a lot, what with everything being so constant. It left little room for relaxation.Tour life was waking up at four in the morning, just so that you could have some sort of semblance of peace, as well as a little bit of alone time, knowing fully well you wouldn’t be able to lay your head down again until midnight, at least.It was six fittings jammed into a singular day, back to back to back, followed by a handful of interviews for tabloids, and a few meetings too, all on your off days.It has been everything that Harry always thought would make his world turn round, and still it stutters still.Maybe it’s all just a bit too much for him, he thinks. Alpha as he may be, he’s always been so domestic. There’s this part of him that just wants to stay put, not having to worry about the hustle and bustle of it all- just wants to provide and do what he loves and that be enough.So, in many ways, he’s happy it’s over. At least for now.As much as he loves music- from the creation aspect to playing for an audience, allowing himself to be vulnerable and to be heard, and for others to be able to relate to his own feelings- he needs a break. A big one.And he feels guilty— because he knows there’s a million other Alphas out there who’d kill to be in his place. He’s got a house he could have only dreamed up as a kid, back in Los Angeles, and the full ability to take care of his mum and sister, and his mate one day, too. Of course, there’s the countless stream of omegas, betas, and everything in between throwing themselves at him, trying to be that mate one day, also. Still, there’s something missing.He finds himself so fucking grateful to be going back to the basics of it all- having reached out to his lifelong best mates- Niall, Zayn, and Liam, asking them to crash at their flat for a while. They had happily agreed to no surprise of Harry’s own and the change of scenery to something that was once a constant for him feels like a welcome change, for once, and he really just can’t wait for this plane to land.So, he tips his head back onto the cushion of the seat beneath him and shuts his eyes, not so patiently waiting it out.—His plane lands ‘round noon, and the lads have come to pick him up, waiting with large, dorky smiles on their face. Only Liam is missing, having worked a long EMT shift until past seven in the morning the night before, and seeing them is the most welcoming thing Harry’s seen in a long, long time.He’s got a grey beanie slouched over his head, covering his curls in their entirety, and a pair of dark, tinted sunnies perched on his nose. If that combo didn’t exude unapproachable the way he hoped it would, his matching baggy pants and hoodie certainly would.It’s not a surprise that the lads don’t notice him til he’s right in front of them, but the flow is immediate upon reuniting, all the banter and the laughs he remembers all wrapped up into easy chatter.It’s been a long time since he had a conversation with somebody that felt easy. With Zayn and Niall, right now, it was easy. There were no expectations, or anything to prove. He didn’t have anybody watching him, worried over every word he said. It wasn’t transactional.Too many interactions nowadays were, for Harry anyways. Transactional, that is. Everything is about what he can do for somebody, or what they can do for him. Nothing is ‘just because’.Here, he feels like he can be himself, slither out of the shell he’s built around himself these past few years while adjusting to the spotlight. It shouldn’t be so comforting, but it is.He’s got Niall’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, and he’s babbling Harry’s ear off, thick Irish accent making the words run all together, into one long run on sentence. Zayn, on the other hand, is on his right, keying in the name of Harry’s pick up service for his car into the GPS so they could swing him by before they all head back to the house.They make their way to the parking garage, and the moment Harry’s eyes spots Niall’s little green hatchback, he can practically feel his long, long legs cramping up in the back seat already, and that in itself feels a lot like normalcy.So, they all hop in the car and make their way from the airport, and in a way, that in itself feels a lot like leaving that part of him behind, just to rest, for a little while.. . Not even a week into his stay, he’s reminded of everything he’s been looking for this whole time he’s been away on tour, and he wants to choke on the thought of it.It starts on a lazy and sunny Saturday morning at the lads’ place, bacon sizzling in the kitchen, and the sound of their voices filling the room, when Harry smells him, seconds before he hears him, sweet and strong. His scent rolls through the air, thick like honey, and it washes over him immediately, leaving him in a breathy haze. He kind of wishes he could help himself, but his nostrils have flared out, almost against his will, and he’s got his bottom lip caught between his teeth, with his pupils shot, because that’s an omega’s scent, there’s no denying it, and it’s one so familiar, Harry almost feels sick.It’s Louis. His Louis. It’s the boy he grew up with, the one he’d first seen at that fated skatepark, all those years ago. He was only eleven then, and one of his mates’ mum had dropped them both off, to fool around for a bit. Him and his mate had been in between failed attempts of various skateboard tricks that were way beyond their skill set when Harry spotted him, on the opposite end of the park, propped against a railing. Louis had caught his eye immediately, and Harry was just a kid. He really didn’t know much at all then, just that he wanted to know the boy.So, he’d stolen his skateboard. As one does, of course. He’d taken it and of course, Louis caught him, but it caught his attention and they somehow fell into an easy pile of giggles and banter rather than an argument over the board. They became fast friends, and for a long time that was enough, until it wasn’t.It’s one of those things that feels a lot like coming home, being surrounded by that heady scent once more, and Harry shouldn’t at all be shocked, really. He’d known they were all mates, with not so distant circles, so it shouldn’t be smacking him so hard in the chest right now- that out of all the omegas in the world who’s scent he could be surrounded by, of course, it would be the one he was in love with as a lad. Of course it would be.He takes a couple of deep breaths to steady himself, feels himself snap back to reality, and all the different bits of reality start to phase back in.Louis’ voice is soft and rich like caramel but it rings out sharply into the room.“… you NEVER smell this…. alpha, not after, what have you—“And he hears Liam cut the voice off, as he begins to meander his way into the room, slowly, still listening in.“It’s not me”, he says, cutting through the whole spiel.Harry leers at the doorjamb now, watches the boys face screw up in confusion.“What do you mean it’s not you, you’re the only in here, you-“And Harry has this intense urge to make his presence known- feels it’s his turn to cut in, all of a sudden. Because Louis doesn’t even realize he’s there is the thing. He didn’t put it together the moment his scent hit him, like he’d been chasing it for over a decade- not the way Harry had.So, he steps further into the room so that’s fully visible and he cuts the boy off for the second time in less than a minute, because he’s going to notice him somehow.“Hi.”It’s almost instant- Louis’ reaction. His body immediately stiffens, the entire upper half of his body engulfed in this warm flush, invading the tops of his cheeks and the tops of his ears. It’s cute, really, but it doesn’t stop there. It would almost be easier if it did, really.No. The boy fully tenses, pausing as his nose flares, twitching, eye lids falling shut, lips falling open, just a touch- obviously adjusting to Harry’s scent.“Harry.”That’s all he says.And this isn’t going to be a problem. It absolutely will not be. So, Harry smiles sweetly and repeats himself, a long drawn out “Hiiiii”, followed by a short and sweet, “long time no see.”It isn’t much, but it opens up the conversation for more.Harry watches as Louis’ posture shifts, legs crossing together, body language a bit more closed off.His voice sounds almost hoarse when he speaks, like he’s trying to find his voice, which is so unlike him, really.“Yeah…”, Louis says, trailing off, fiddling with his fingers, “what the hell are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be shagging groupies in a bus midway through the US or something?”It’s all the snark that Louis loves to give, but the delivery’s a little weak, words falling flat between them.He knows there’s a little truth behind what Louis said, and he knows Louis knows it too, so he allows himself to chuckle dryly, trying to find the humor in it all.He feels a little too bare all of a sudden- wearing only his boxer shorts and a pair of white socks, like maybe he should be wearing more, like this isn’t exactly giving off the impression that he isn’t all groupies and sex, after all.“Tour ended a while ago”, he says finally, words hoarse. “I’m gathering material for my next album at the moment. Needed a change of scenery.”For the first time since he spoke, one of their mates butts in, finally finding the chance.It’s Niall.He’s grinning, all jokes like he always is when he says, “what that means is he’s eating our food even though he’s worth more than all of our lives put together, and sleeping on a springy mattress in our loft, and playing horrible guitar all the bloody time”, but his gaze keeps flickering back and forth between Harry and Louis the entire time he speaks, like he’s afraid they’re going to lunge at one another at any given moment. Louis continues, like Niall hadn’t said a thing at all, addressing the elephant in the room with all of the confidence he’s always had, inhaling deeply and tossing Harry a look, and says to him, “fucking hell, you reek.”It surprises Harry, just a little, and he feels his eyes widen as he lets out a little nervous laugh, biting into his lip as he gives in easily, and tells the boy that he does too- that he could smell him from like, two blocks down.And once again, it’s Niall cutting in.“If it’s any consolation, i’ve got no nose for that alpha-omega shit, and I can smell him
too, Lou. He hasn’t showered since he got here.”He reached out and smacks Niall on the back of the head, laughing loudy as he does.“I was going to”, he says, in defense. “Now, actually.“ He turns to face Louis, looking at him directly. “I just wanted to, uhm, say hi to Louis. It’s been bloody ages.”Because it had, and the weight of it was hanging in the air, and he felt like it would be kind of silly for him not to.“Hi”, Louis repeats, and Harry moves to go in for a hug, not failing to hear the catch of Louis’ breath as he does.Harry’s got the boy’s chest pressed to his now, hug tight, his lips brushing against Louis’ ear in a way he can’t ignore, and he’s sure Louis can’t either as he allows himself to say it once more, too, all breathy and rough, low as he rumbles it from the core of his chest, just for Louis.“Hi.”And it’s not even half a second later that he’s pulling abruptly back, eyes rolling back as he grips onto his nose, trying to fight the most inviting scent he’s ever caught from invading his nostrils any more, because no. There’s no way. Louis was not slicking up right here.Louis knows he’s caught on, shuffling his feet, as he goes to make his defense.“Sorry”, he mutters, and it’s too quiet for him, “it’s just my body, it’s not what I- it’s not my mind. Sorry.”And it’s not a problem. It’s not. Because of course it is. Natural. All natural, and what’s the big deal anyways? It’s not like he’s going to be thinking about that scent for bloody ages or anything, certainly not.So he coughs, awkwardly, looking at Louis once more.“Oh no”, he reassures him, “it’s cool, I’ve just got to adjust to the smell of, ehm… I’m just gonna go to the shower now.”Louis’ cheeks are flushed even brighter now, embarrassed and shy and the moment has far extended its welcome for the both of them, so Harry marches his way off, because he’s got to go. Somewhere.Niall yells after him, reminding him that he forgot a towel, and then that they’re in the closet in the hallway, but he continues on anyways, locking himself in the bathroom, desperate to step away. He needs to catch his breath.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The quiet hum of the bathroom’s fan paired with the sound of the water cascading down from the shower head and onto the broad stretch of Harry’s back is a welcome release, steadying in a way he didn’t realize he’d need.Seeing Louis was a bit surreal. It was like, he was in London, away from the tour, away from the fans, and the nonstop shows- the long nights and the exhaustion- and yet somehow, all of sudden, he’s back to feeling like an eleven year old little kid again. His breath is caught in his chest, and there’s this boy, and it’s all so damned complicated.All these memories kept flooding back to him, all the goofing off and the banter and the trouble they used to get themselves into as kids, and he misses that. It’s an ache in his chest that never quite goes away.And it shouldn’t have to be so complicated, but it is. Because it has to be blamed on biology, but Harry’s not convinced that’s ever been what this is. Not quite.So he takes his time, slowly massaging the shampoo and conditioner into his curls, throughly rinsing it all out. The washcloth maps its way across his body three times over, just to ensure he’s clean.The steam clouds his faculties, hanging thick in the air as he gets out, preparing himself to resurface, and he can’t even bring himself to hope Louis’ gone. Kind of hopes he’s still here, really.…Harry walks back into the living room roughly half an hour later with an awkward smile and a wave, and Louis returns it before turning his attention towards the laptop sat in his lap.He makes his way toward the kitchen, Niall and Zayn still sat at the island, half-eaten plates of bacon and eggs still sat in front of them, and Harry goes to grab his own plate from the cupboard above the sink, forking eggs and strips of bacon onto it before making his way back to the living room.Liam and Louis are already mid-discussion when he does, Liam offering up advice for Louis’ latest writing endeavors, being that he’s a renowned equal rights activism based author, serving him up little gender-focused anecdotes on a platter.“.. I had an experience the other night - something “ignorant” a patient said”, Liam rattles on, offering to tell Louis a story he thinks could be useful to tell of the maltreatment of omegas in society.“Liam, you know you don’t have to use air quotes every single time you say the word ‘ignorant.’”This, Harry can interject into.“I agree”, he says, plopping himself between the two of them on the middle of the couch, plate perched on his lap. “Kind of defeats the purpose of using the word if you can’t say it without making a mockery of it.” He slings his big feet up on the coffee-table and makes eyes at Louis, and then Liam, “some might even call you ignorant.” Liam rolls his eyes at him, waving his hand out at him, like he can’t deal with him right now.Louis doesn’t even bother to look up from the computer screen in front of him, breathing in these quick, sharp little puffs of air, in through his nose, and out through it, too.It’s a little aggravating to Harry, what with this incessant urge to garner his attention thrumming through his veins every time he looks at him, and he doesn’t understand what exactly he’s done to get Louis to blatantly disregard him. Wonders if it’s solely the embarrassment of slicking up earlier.“Anyway,” Liam says suddenly, like he’d slipped into open-eyed sleep for a moment and just snapped himself back awake, “I was seeing to this patient of mine. An alpha.”“Those are the worst,” Harry mutters around a mouthful of food.Louis peeks at him now, actually takes him in. He watches his eyes chart up and down, quickly and assuredly, like he doesn’t think Harry will notice.Liam is talking about the incident that had gone down a few nights prior down at the hospital, an alpha male with a broken penis being the star of the tale.All of a sudden, Liam stops mid sentence, jerking his head towards Louis with a slight frown etched into his thick brows.“Louis? Are you even listening or writing any of this down?”Louis snaps to attention then, turning back to Liam, tapping a few keys on his computer and looking up, nodding as if he’s been hanging on to every word.“Yes, of course I am, go on. We want the book to have as many real-life experiences in it as possible. Where were you?”“I was at the hospital,” Liam says, misunderstanding the question, and Harry shifts, fighting a grin.“You were at the hospital,” Louis says, and does it again, taps at his keyboard a few more times, over-dramatized, accentuating each click of the keys to make sure Liam feel like he’s being taken seriously. And it takes everything in Harry for him not to laugh at the charade of it all.“Yes,” Liam says, smacking his lips, “and I was seeing to this patient. An alpha-male, who’d had his penis broken during sex.”Louis audibly cringes and Harry does too.“Fucking hell, how?”Harry groans, screwing up at his face at the thought and says, “I don’t want to know.”Louis signs, now antsy to hear the rest of Liam’s story.“And then what?” he asks.“Then we got chatting. And somehow, I ended up telling him I’d had The Snip. His eyes went, like, tea cup-size,” Liam says, “he beckoned me close to him and then he informed me that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. That, for the one week he hadn’t been able to perform in bed, he’d lost his girlfriend, his confidence and, yes, his sense of self-worth. He’d lost his penis, his alphahood.”“Bloody hell.”“Dramatic sod.”“Yeah,” Liam says, “anyway, I reminded him that I’d had The Snip and that I was doing just fine. He reminded me that I was only kidding myself. He said, the one thing all alpha’s know and agree on, but won’t ever let the omega’s or beta’s know, is that all they’re good for are their cocks. That, without those massive knot-rods, we have nothing. Our existence is… useless.”The silence that follows seems to stretch on for ages.Harry stares at Liam, still traumatized from the mental image of the guy’s broken penis, now dumbed by his profound wisdom. Liam just gnaws at a piece of bacon in response.That’s when Louis pipes up, “Thats bullshit. An alpha without his massive knot-rod is just a beta. And betas aren’t useless. Look at those two idiots.” He nods toward the kitchen island where Zayn’s scrolling through his phone and Niall is doing the same but on his laptop. “They’re doing quite all right for themselves.” Harry watches them for a moment, then turns back to Liam and asks; “but, like, can you even use your dick at all?”Louis sighs exasperatedly.“Yeah, I mean— yeah, I can use it,” Liam says, hesitantly, “I mean, it isn’t like it was before. I have to be kind of… well, I do take these little blue pills beforehand. Just to make sure I can maintain my hard-on. Whenever I do have sex.”“Which is never,” Louis adds, and Harry laughs, but only until he realises Liam isn’t going to object to it.“Contrary to popular belief,” Liam says, “all alpha’s don’t need, nor want, to stick their dick in every slick hole that presents itself. All The Snip did was help me remind my body what my mind wanted.” He looks over at Harry, who’s been sitting there quiet for a while, “don’t you get that ever, Haz? You must. Where someone’s all… smelling so good it’s ridiculous, and your dick’s just ready to pounce, but your mind isn’t even that into the person. And afterwards you just feel kind of…”“Dirty,” Harry mutters.“Well, I was going to say weak, but yeah, that works too.”Harry nips the last slice of bacon off his plate, pops it in his mouth and puts the plate down on the coffee-table. He slings his long legs up on the couch, folds his arms up behind his head and looks Liam over.“But, like,” he drawls, “you say you felt weak giving into your body back in the day.”“Yeah.”“Don’t you ever feel weak knowing you have to take those little blue pills if you want to show someone a good time? I mean… don’t you ever wish you could just, like, seize the moment and take some girl just because you wanted her right then, right there?”Louis looks up again at that and seemingly shoots a knowing glare at Harry. “Not every single person, alpha or not, wants loads of random spur-of-the-moment sex with people they don’t know.”Harry stretches his neck back to look at him then. He’s almost offended, feeling like Louis truly does just believe everything that’s implied about him- everything that’s attached to his image, in spite of the way they used to know each other like the back of their hands back in school.“I know that, and I don’t have loads of random sex with people I don’t know either. I was just asking a simple question out of curiosity. Doesn’t he miss just fucking his girlfriend, spur of the moment, unplanned, once in a while?”Because it’s a valid question, and he’s not going to allow Louis to crawl under his skin, pushing him into feeling bad about it - like showcasing some sort of desire to express yourself sexually in a healthy and consensual way is a shameful thing. And it’s not, dammit, and Louis hasn’t talked to him the way they used to in a long, long time- longer than feels okay in some sick sort of way, and he hasn’t the faintest clue who he is, really- what kind of alpha he is, or who he’s been with. It’s all speculation, and he’s not going to let this boy treat him like he’s a tool. Even if he does smell like a dream.Louis doesn’t throw him even the tiniest of bones, going back to whatever has been so important to him on his laptop, tuning into the conversation only when he wants to.“I don’t miss it, no,” Liam says, “but like Louis said, I rarely ever have sex at all. I was never much of a… I never lived up to the conventional idea of what a good alpha’s supposed to be.”There’s a small silence then and Harry gets up, coming around the corner of the couch and clapping Liam on the shoulder jovially, and says, “That’s fair. It’s really cool that you, like, aren’t afraid to be open about it. I respect it.”And he hopes it shows through his words that he means it, that he wasn’t being a knot-head when he asked.“Thanks, mate.”He turns to face the two then, smiling gently, bowing his head slightly before going to wash his dishes at the sink.“I’m gonna let you two get some work done”, he says then. “Thanks for breakfast, Li, it was delicious, let me get the dishes.”And he heads up to his room in the loft, trying not to think about how much he fucking hated assumptions, and labels, and the media, and most importantly, how much he needed Louis Tomlinson’s validation.….Harry had ran off to the convenience shop, to get a few snacks and also clear his head. He’d changed into a simple outfit, black jeans with faded knees that ran into a pair of leather-skin boots, and a plain red t-shirt.He hadn’t been gone long- just enough time to peruse all the snack aisles, twice, before heading back.He’s just made it back, parking his outlandishly huge, black SUV beside Niall’s little green hatchback, and stepping out when he spots Louis, or smells him- whichever comes first.He’s standing just outside the building, his little dog, Betty, right by his side.“Oi”, he calls out to him. “Lou-ehh! Louis, mate!”Betty begins barking up a storm, jumping and pawing at Louis’ legs as he makes his way over to Harry, almost grudgingly.“Hey, I was just leaving”, Louis says primly, never looking up to meet his eye.“Oh. Where to?”“Just home.”Harry nods slowly at Louis then, thumbs tucked into his pockets as he takes Louis in.“You drive here?”Louis shakes his head. “No, I took the tube.”And he can’t let him take the tube. Not alone and not when he’s got a car right here and every ability to drive him.So he offers the boy a ride, and of course he tries to refuse.He says, “oh, it’s alright. Betty need the exercise.”Harry looks at Betty and crouches down, scratching behind her ears, cooing as he does. “Noooo, that’s not true”, he sings at her. “You don’t need the exercise, do you, girl? You’re beautiful just as you are, nice and thick.”He scratches the top of her butt and growls playfully at her, hearing her lean into it, yipping and grunting happily at the source of attention.It’s a back and forth thing there for a minute, him and Betty growling playfully back at one another, scratching her behind her ears as she pounced playfully back at him, and suddenly Louis’ cutting in, stumbling over his words and flushing profusely.“Okay, yeah”, he says, “ Yeah, thank you, that’d be nice. The lift. If you wanted.”And Harry beats at him then, part of him not really expecting him to ever actually agree to it, stubborn as he is.“Great”, Harry says, and Louis repeats it back to him.“Let’s go then.”“Yeah.”.Harry tries to be hospitable upon their getting in the car, offering Louis up some of his mint gum he always kept stashed in the car, even popping in some of his own.Louis’ got Betty sat on his lap and he seems intent on sitting in silence, mindlessly running his hands over Betty, and flicking his eyes back and forth, and Harry can’t help but wonder how it all somehow led to this.As kids, he and Louis had been partners in crime. There were no secrets they couldn’t tell, no shortage of words left to be said. It was never this- whatever this even is.Things were never awkward between them, but he guesses it had been almost a decade - since they had that comfortable rhythm between them, and longer since things were ever easy on him, so he doesn’t know what to make of it all.He’s finding himself to be increasingly impatient though, a peculiar trait for him, growing bored of the silence filling the car. For just a moment, he wanted the veil to come down, and he wanted to feel even a glimpse of what once was. He wanted his best mate back.He asks about Louis’ work, sounding nice and interested, and Louis keeps his answers short and sweet, manipulating the conversation into talking about Harry instead. Asks about how tour was and well, tour was brilliant, obviously, like tour is, and it was stressful too. Once it ended, Harry couldn’t quite manage to get comfortable in his massive luxury L.A.-mansion.And he laughs at himself then, drily, like he still cant believe it himself and sighs. “Fuck, I sound like an ungrateful little bitch.”“Hey, you said it, not me.”Harry doesn’t think Louis quite gets what he means, and he’s not sure he could unless he’d felt it himself, but he’s out of time, what with Louis directing him to pull off, having reached his destination.“I didn’t, like- it wasn’t meant like that”, Harry says, trying to put his feelings into words somehow, in someway, as he pulls onto the curb. “I was just… lonely, I guess. In a way.”And it feels like a lot to admit - what with everybody else assuming he could never possibly be. He’s Harry Styles. He’s got a successful band, his music is being heard. His career is so far ahead of where he ever thought it would be when he was younger, and yet he’s lonely. Sometimes, he worries it’ll never be enough. Any of it.He lays in his bed some nights- frequently if he’s on tour, and he wonders if he can ever truly be happy. It’s a conundrum, really, the tossup between having to figure out if there is something wrong with himself or with everybody and everything else, when he feel an emptiness clawing away at his heart no matter who’s next to him or what kind of items he spoils himself with. No amount of notoriety or money has brought him the fulfillment he wants for himself. It all leaves him feeling a little lost.But there’s no way he can say any of that, or all of that, to Louis. Not here and not now. So, that has to be confession enough.Louis slumps into his seat, looking uncertain as to whether or not he should unhook his seat belt, scratching at Betty idly, humming as he does.“Lonely?”, he scoffs. “Harry Styles of White Eskimo? How could you ever be lonely unless you wanted to be?”Harry sighs then because yeah, he just doesn’t get it. Worse yet, he falls for the idea of it all- the age old trick that implies fame and glory and potential lovers fill any kind of void, when actually they lead to bigger ones in their wake.“Maybe I wanted to be.”Louis looks him over. “Yeah?”“During tour you’re like… constantly surrounded by people. But you’re never—” he cuts himself off, shakes his head, “you don’t want to hear that depressive shit.”“Hey, you can talk to me,” Louis says then, and it hangs awkwardly in the air, like it should be able to be true, but it’s not and Harry smiles, strained and tight-lipped.“It’s okay,” he says, “anyway, I was planning to spend time with Kenny after not seeing her much at all through tour. But after, like, three weeks together we both realised the only thing that’d kept us together for so long was the fact that we weren’t together,” he gives a dry chuckle, “pathetic, innit?”“No,” Louis says, just because, “Kenny, that’s—”“Kendall. You met her at the— oh no, you didn’t go to that, did you? Zayn and Niall’s launch thing.”“Oh. No, I was home with—”, and he pauses, flushing before continuing. “A horrible flu. Was gutted not to go, though.”“Nah, you didn’t miss out on much,” Harry says, “unless you enjoy watching the functions of various insane sextoys get demonstrated on a life-size sex-doll.”“Fuckin’ hell, I’d have loved to be there.”“Yeah, it was awesome.”Louis barks a laugh, setting Harry off too. Once it’s faded, Louis realises Harry isn’t going to speak, so he picks up where he thinks they left it; “so, you and Kendall. I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out.”“No, it’s all right. Think she’s already got a new bloke, actually. Wouldn’t be surprised if there was an overlap. Things were dead long before they properly ended.”“Hm,” Louis hums, “still, I’m sorry. Just, that you had a relationship end.”Harry smiles at him. “That’s nice of you.”An awkward silence hangs heavy in the air before Louis chooses to break the silence, asks Harry if any of his songs were about her, and Harry frowns, unsure why he’s asked, but answers anyways.“Yeah, a couple had, like— elements of her in them. But ‘Only Angel’ was pretty much solely about her.”Louis nods and says, “Oh. That’s the one that, ehm… the one with the dining-table and—”“No, that’s ‘From the dining-table’.”“Oh. Oh, so it’s the one with, ehm… with the ghosts. The two ghosts and red lips and—”“No,” Harry chuckles, “no, that’s ’Two Ghosts’.”“Oh.”A full three seconds pass where they just stare at each other, smiling weirdly, unblinking. The awkward silence feels palpable.When they finally break it, they of fucking course break it at the exact same time.“I can play it for you—”“Have you got anywhere I can toss my gum—”They’re silent again.“Ehm,” Louis says, “yeah. Yeah, play it for me, I’d love to hear. What, have you got it—”Harry nods, pulling his phone out. “Got the phone set up with the, uhm… there. There we go.”He begins to play the tune for Louis watching the series of emotions flitter across his face before ultimately, he nods.He’s smiling and nodding his head to the beat, and tells Harry, “… oh yeah. Yeah, i like it.”Harry smiles, grateful and genuine too, and they sit for a moment, just listening, and Harry can’t help but hope Louis means it, that he likes the song, and he kind of feels he does, what with how he bops Betty in his lap in tune to the music, not really listening to the lyrics, but just enjoying the sounds of it, the tune as well as Harry’s voice.And then suddenly, Harry’s slipping his big hand under Louis’ chin, before he really even thinks about it, remembering the whole gum debacle.“Hey, just give it to me”, he says, and Louis’ frowning up at him, confused little tick resting between his brows.“Your gum”, he repeats. “Just give it to me.”“Oh.”Harry’s hand still remains, extended, cupped and offered to Louis as a means of disposal, so Louis spits it into his hand, weird little look on his face like he can’t believe he’s actually doing so, and without as much as a thought, Harry pops the already-been-chewed piece right into his very own mouth, flavor long faded away, just thick gobs to smack his teeth against, nothing more.He doesn’t even think about it, let alone find it disgusting. It’s just a problem that’s been taken care of, but Louis’ mouth has fallen slack, hanging open like he can’t wrap his around it all- like there’s no way he just saw Harry actually place his chewed up gum right into his mouth, like it was no big deal, just chewing it like it was his all along.The chorus to the song comes on again, reminding the two of them what they were doing in the first place, and Harry grins at the boy in front him, all lopsided and charming, continuing to chew away at the gum in his mouth, even waggles his brows at him, playful and silly, before he fumbles with his phone, texting the boys back to let them know he’d successfully dropped Louis off, and would be back soon, when he smells it.It’s impossible to ignore really, heady and loud, and absolutely intoxicating, because he’s done it again, that Louis. He’s gone ahead and slicked up, and Harry can’t quite figure out why. Is it just biology, or is it fate testing the waters between the two of them? The way it’s always done.His hands have clenched tightly around the steering wheel in front of him, clammy and white from the firmness of his grip, and he feels his nostrils flaring, working overtime to waft as much of that scent in as they possibly can, and it’s all just a bit too much.“Anyway, I should go,” Louis says suddenly, and it rips Harry from whatever that was.Harry pauses the music. “What?”“I should go. Thanks for driving me.”Harry feels himself nod, but he doesn’t say anything, and all of a sudden he’s got Louis looking in his eyes, wide-eyed and flustered and eyes so fucking blue that Harry can’t ignore it anymore- that scent is just too fucking much.“Fuck,” Louis’ blurting out and he turns quickly to open the passenger side door, and no. Harry can’t just let him go- not when he doesn’t know when he will see him again, and not when he smells like that. So, Harry reaches across to him, almost at record-speed, grabbing the boys arm, just a little bit too hard.“Wha’?” Louis says breathily, looking up at Harry like he’s got not a clue what’s going on, even though Harry can see it in his eyes that he does, and the scent is hanging so thick in the air that he knows Louis has to know.Harry doesn’t know what to say. His fingers are still grasping onto Louis’ arm like there’s no way he can let him go, and this boy is married. This boy is married and historically speaking, that’s never mattered anyhow. They were always destined to be just friends, him and Lou, so it’s not like things would change even if he weren’t, yet here he still was, with the smell of his slick up his nose, and trackies that needed some adjusting. And it wasn’t fair.“If—” Harry’s voice cracks as he says it, licking over his lips as he does, “if, uhm… I can fuck you. I will fuck you. In the backseats, I’ll fuck you now, just quick, if. If you— are you in an open sort of—”He knows it’s futile, and he still finds himself saying it anyways, feeling the words form in his mouth, pushing past his tongue and lips, filterless as he’s ever been. And Louis’ face changes instantly. Wide eyes and raised brows, confusion and shock.“No,” Louis manages to say, “no, I’m, we’re— no, that’s not what… we’re closed. We’re married, we’re, no.”It’s quick and it’s final and for a second Harry wants to try again anyways, like maybe the answer will change, but then Louis whines, throaty and breathless, like he didn’t even know he was capable of such a sound, eyes fluttering closed against the tops of his ever-darkening cheeks, and Harry lets him go.“Fuck,” he says, “fuck, sorry, it’s just, you smell— fuck, get out. You should get out, this is really—”He’s stumbling over every one of his words, but really he just needs to leave. He needs it like he needs air at this point.“Yeah,” Louis breathes, hands shaky as he fumbles with the door, “fuck. Bye, thanks for the lift.”He goes to hop out of the car, and Harry smells it, pooled up in the seat, prepared to follow him the whole way home. Great. That’s wonderful”.“Yeah, I— fuck, you’ve got it on the seat, it’s—”Louis stops to look at it then and says a quick “Sorry”, fighting to keep Betty from jumping out of his arms and back into Harry’s car as he does. “Sorry, I, d’you need me to—”And the longer he stays, the more brainless Harry seems to get, the incessant and primal urge clouding his head more and more.“No, don’t apologise, just— fuck, just. Lou, are you sure you don’t want me to fuck you? I’ll— shit, what am I saying? No, get— I’ll see you. Bye. Sorry. Bye.”He catches himself pushing for it, yet again, and feels embarrassed- ashamed at his gender suddenly because yes, he wants this boy so fucking bad, but he also looks and feels like a total knothead now, and he’s really just got to get out of there.So he reaches across the dash and slams the door shut, escaping while he still has the faculties to do so, and he heads the only place he can think to get his mind off of something like this.…The club he’s at is seedy and small, but the atmosphere is there. There’s a pretty and petite omega woman behind the bar named Ronnie serving up drinks, and a DJ playing thumping music throughout the place.Harry’s already had a few vodka-cranberries, to set the tone of the night. They’re his favorite, being that they practically pump personality into his veins and suddenly, he’s the most charming version of himself he possibly can be. He’s making his rounds across the bar, introducing himself, feeling the place out.It wasn’t like he liked hook-ups necessarily, but he didn’t hate them. Ideally, he would be able to have a mate who wanted him with the ferocity that he wanted them, whom would make settling down worthwhile, but realistically, he has no say on when life’s good timing brings said mate across his path.His own crushes have never led him anywhere great and really, it’s best he focus on himself anyways, it’s not like he’s away from tour forever. This is just temporary, after all.Still, a man has needs, and it doesn’t have to be something bad, it can just be something that is.So, so what if he brings home a cute little twinky omega boy to the flat and fucks him quickly and wickedly in the halls, multiple times, causing a ruckus, still half drunk and horny since earlier that evening? It’s just natural, of course.And when he comes, finally, enveloped in his head high, it’s just a perfect distraction.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Almost a week goes by with zero signs of Louis popping back by the flat, and for a moment, Harry feels like he can breathe again. Like maybe he’d been holding his breath since he smelled him that day in the kitchen.It’s fine, really. Harry finds himself easily distracted. Its not like he expected it to go anywhere significant really, rekindling something between him and Lou. It’s the nostalgia that’s eating away at him. That’s all.He spends ample time in his loft, jotting down lyrics that cross his mind throughout the day. Even away from work, he’s still an artist and writing is one of the many ways he copes. In many ways, it helps him visualize his feelings, pinpoint them, and make them impossible for himself to ignore. Through putting his feelings into lyrics, into song- he is in many ways forcing himself to be vulnerable.Additionally, he hangs out with the lads, and that actually is a distraction. A great one.Their time together falls into a steady beat of fifa matches, telly marathons, and mindless conversation, each of them constantly bouncing their most outlandish thoughts upon each other.Then, he shows up again. Around a week later. And it’s not like Harry was expecting him to stay away, but he was there suddenly, and there he was, flaring his nostrils in search of that godforsaken scent again.“.. Done avoiding Harry, then?”, he hears Zayn ask Louis from the living room and that’s reason enough for him to enter the room.“Avoiding me?” he asks Louis because well, he’s an instigator. Especially when it involves him and Louis.Louis actually stumbles back, like he’s taken aback by the sight of Harry here now himself, and he stumbles over his words as he speaks.“Oh, hey. No, what? Who?”It’s kind of cute, really.“Me,” Harry says, lazy smile spread over his lips, “you’ve been avoiding me?”He’s in a pair of boxers and nothing else, the usual at-home attire. His hair’s up in a bun. There’s a hickey on his throat, and another at his collarbone from his adventures the other night, and Louis’ got his eyes darting from one to the other.“No,” Louis says, and then, because he’s Louis, of course he has to comment on said bruises.“You fallen down the ladder to your room or summat?” he asks, nodding towards them.Harry glances down, then looks up again, smirking.“Why? You jealous?”“He’s married,” Liam cuts in rather unenthusiastically, walking through from his bedroom, “and also, Harry, next time you bring someone home, would you please tell them to take their dirty trainers off before they mud up the floors I just mopped?”And well- Harry does feel bad about that, mind you, but he did clean it so Liam really could give that a rest.“I’m soorry,” Harry grins, eyes still trained on Louis’, “think he was a bit distracted.”Louis rolls his eyes at him.“Thought you said you didn’t have random sex with people you didn’t know.”“Said I didn’t have loads,” Harry corrects him, “and besides, who says he was a random? Could be my next big love.”“Oh, please,” Liam scoffs, “you pulled him home from some seedy club and nailed him in the hall.”“Which was properly annoying because you were banging my bedroom door-in,” Zayn adds, “good thing it only lasted, like, two minutes.”Harry throws his hands out at both of them.
“Okay, okay, we get it,” he exclaims, half-irritated, but still unable to stop smiling fully, “I fucked a random. It happens.”“You didn’t knot him, did you?”“No, I’d never knot a random one-night-stand, are you insane?”“Mate, you just said he might be your next big love,” Louis notes.Harry looks up at him then. “Oh,” he says, grinning coyly, “yeah. Woops.”Louis rolls his eyes and then plants himself onto one of the couches, Betty running after him, jumping into his lap. The telly is on, an old episode of The Office, and then Harry decides he really ought to join him, sidling up to him with a cup just the way he knows Louis likes it, placing it down onto the coffee table in front of him, plopping down on the couch beside him.“Tea?” he asks then.“Cheers, mate”, Louis says, and picks the tea up, cradles it to his chest before taking a few sips, content.They sit quietly for a while, just watching telly and sipping idly and that’s fine, it’s nice. But when Betty runs off to follow Niall around instead, Harry feels like he ought to make conversation.“So, how’s it going anyway?”Louis glances at him. “Fine,” he says slowly, “you?”“Fine too, I uhm,” he says, and then stops, fully, unsure exactly how to continue.Louis raises his brows at him.“Uuhm,” Harry tries again, dragged-out, trying to buy himself time, “uhm, okay, I was just— uhm.”“What? Bloody hell, aren’t you people meant to be assertive and confident or something?”“You people?” Harry exclaims, eyes widening along with his mouth, “you can’t say that.”Louis is known specifically for his equal rights activism for Omegas, specifically non alpha- omega paired relationships. That kind of comment wasn’t exactly his sort of jab.“I can say what I want.”“Yeah, but— doesn’t saying stuff like that go against your whole, like… deal?”Louis frown-grins at him. “My whole, like, deal?”“Yeah, like—” Harry waves his tea-cup around confusedly, nearly spilling several times, “like, uhm… your whole equality and individuality-movement and all of that… jazz?”Louis narrows his eyes at him. “All of that jazz?” he echoes, slightly offended, “it’s not some jazz, it’s important, it’s a serious societal issue. We’re being boxed into categories with certain traits and expectations before we’re even old enough to understand what they mean, and we don’t get to choose it ourselves, we don’t get to love who we love without being silently judged if we choose ‘wrong’, sometimes even loudly, we—”Harry cuts through, tone sharp, and Louis immediately stops, listening in. “I get that, Louis, but parts of us are just inherent, they’re just, like— it’s not an excuse for acting like a dick, but it’s my only explanation, I think, and I—” he catches his breath, then meets Louis’ eyes, “I just wanted to say that I was sorry. For what I said in the car the other day. That was way out of line.”Louis nods slowly, eyes focused intently on the tea cup still resting in his hands.“It’s all right. I mean— you weren’t trying to be inappropriate.”Harry nods and the conversation rests there for awhile, attention returned to the TV in front of them, and after awhile Harry drawls out; “I’m sorry if I offended your husband too, by the way. Don’t know if you told him. Didn’t mean to assume you guys were, like— open.” Because he has to. There’s no way he can approach this situation without approaching the obvious, and that was that he had blatantly disrespected Louis’ marriage and husband, Colin.Louis glances back at him. “What, because he’s a beta? Was the reason you thought we were open was because he’s not alpha? Harry?”“Uhm,” Harry croaks out, and he knows he’s giving it away, the way he’s fumbling for words. It wasn’t like he was trying to be ignorant, but it was commonly known that omega individuals have worse heats without the help of an alpha- symptoms stretching on for many more days and betas usually being able to offer little relief. Because of this, a lot of these types of couples were poly, simply as a way around the downsides. He meant it well, but well. To Louis, he knew it would never possibly be taken as such.“No,” he exclaims, breathy, finally finding his voice. “No, of course not. I was just, ehm… trying my luck, I guess. But I’m sorry.”“Good,” Louis says sharply, straightening up in his seat, “and yes, I did tell him what you’d said.”“Was he angry? Fuck, do I have to, like—
apologise or something, I didn’t mean to try and take another man’s—”“Property?” Louis cuts through, and Harry frowns at him because no, that’s not at all what he meant.“No,” he says, “another man’s man. I didn’t mean to try and do that. If you were mine and someone had tried to fuck you in the backseat of his car, I’d have wanted to fucking kill that guy.”“Oh,” Louis says dumbly. “Well.”“Hypothetically,” Harry adds belatedly, “just, hypothetically, if you were. I just mean that, that like, I can understand if he’s angry with me. And I’m sorry.”Louis nods, a little frantically, and nearly tips his tea over the edge of his mug. “It’s fine, it’s all right. Colin isn’t the jealous type, and you did ask if we were open so… so you weren’t disrespecting anyone, really. He doesn’t mind, anyway.”“Ah,” Harry says, nodding and fish-mouthing, turning back to the telly, not really able to comprehend that concept. “Bigger man than I, then.”“Hm”.xThe weeks begin to trickle by, and Harry has been away from tour for pushing six weeks already before he even realizes.He’s found a steady sort of rhythm at the lads flat, popping out and about from time to time - to hit the gym or a pub or pop by the shops - but for the most part he hangs out with the lads or meets up with old friends who he’s not been able to have a chat with in ages.One of his good friends Ed, who is an excellent songwriter, likes to come by from time to time with a few brews so they can have a go at some co-writing.They don’t always create the most beautiful songs together, lyrically, but they both enjoy what they’re doing, the lyrics are always a good start, and usually they pass around a bowl or two during the whole thing and it’s all worth it in the end.Additionally, he’s found himself exploring that part of himself he likes to ignore a little more frequently than he’d like.Flings were easy and fun when life felt a little bit confusing and overwhelming around him.He invites Caroline Flack, a TV host whom he shared a brief romance with a few summers ago over and he sparks things up again, and then a few times more.He meets a small string of randoms, at the clubs, or just out and about, one he even met at the gym.It wasn’t like he was proud of it, but ever since he got here, he had been so horny he couldn’t barely stand it.It just seemed like the easiest way right now, and that way, when they’d had their fun, everybody could leave unscathed. Really, it was best.And best yet, no matter how undeniably good Louis smelled, Harry felt comfortable around him now, the weight of it growing lighter and lighter as he grew more and more used to the fact he was seeing him three times a week.They had both grown adjusted to the smell of each other and biology had found itself to be on their sides, for now.He’s even made a little friend out of Louis’ dog, Betty. The highlight of Louis’ visits for Harry was ultimately being able to crouch down, scratching sweet Betty behind the ears whilst singing lowly to her. She ate it up, the sweet little sprite, licking and yipping playfully at Harry all the while.The sense of normalcy was astounding.x“You took a piss on meee,” Harry sings one early noon, plinging on his guitar, “I met you and I said, baby, please put it on meeee,” h no e does a howl-like uuh-ooh, “but then you took a piss on meee. And baby, it was kind of sort of a bit kinkyyy... and maybe even relatively sexyyyy… but, babe, you took a piss on mee... and now I’ve gotta set you free… because you took a—” he stops playing at once, groaning and tapping the little notepad he’s got rested on his knee, “and then I don’t know what to sing next.”“Hm... how about… ‘piss on me’?” Louis suggests, from where he’s lying on the couch across from Harry, feet up on the coffee-table, destroying a half-asleep Liam on the Xbox and feeling pathetically triumphant about it still.
Harry snaps his fingers at him. “Yes!” he exclaims, “good Lou-eh.”“Good comma Louis,” Louis corrects, “sounds like you’re talking to a dog otherwise.”Harry glances up. “Wha’?”“Nothing. Nothing, nevermind.”Harry nods, expressionless, and turns back to his pad. Only a second passes, of course, before a little “good boy” slips out. He really can’t himself.“You’re a pest,” Louis tells him. “No wonder someone pissed on you.”“Heey,” Harry whines lazily, not looking up, “they were marking their territory. It was a gesture of their affection.”“Oh, well, then let me one-up them and shit on your chest, how’s that?”Harry looks up, eyes wide and bright, shocked. He grins, wide and toothy, impressed. “You’re so fuckin’ filthy, Louis.”“Hey, it was meant as a gesture of my affection,” Louis says.“No, you’re just fucking filthy,” Harry finds himself saying, not letting up on the eye-contact, letting the words drip enticingly off his tongue, “whatever happened to that sweet, innocent little schoolboy I used to know?”The controller slips out of Louis’ hand. He’s long since now forfeited the game, and Liam hasn’t noticed because he’s nodded off on the middle couch, snoring openmouthedly at the ceiling.Louis clears his throat. “I could ask you the same thing,” he says, and Harry wants to laugh, because they both know no one’s been fooled. At first glance, maybe, but he’d soon outrage anyone around him.“I’m still here,” Harry says, voice so monotone that it gets Louis to crack up.“What? I’m still sweet and innocent. I am.” He rearranges his dick in his jeans with a showy sniff of the nostrils. “Not so little anymore, though.”And he’s really got to stop reacting based off of these so very alpha impulses of his.“Oh, get the fuck over yourself.”Harry laughs then. “When am I going to meet your husband?”“Why would you want to?”“Got to see the man who managed to get you so…” his eyes do a horrible up-and-down glide of Louis’ body noting that he’s wearing skintight jeans today, “settled.”Louis huffs at that. “Settled?” he echoes, “somehow that wasn’t what I’d expected you to say.”“Well,” Harry says, “maybe I have changed, after all.”Louis rolls his eyes at him. “Haven’t even changed your fucking pants, from the stench of it.”“Oh, you love my stench,” Harry says roughly, finding himself enjoying the moment a bit too much. “Had to have the leather cleaned after you’d rubbed your slick all over my seat.”Louis’ mouth gives a loud clicking sound and Harry looks up, slightly smug, slightly red. “Your husband must be something,” he says, “if you’re willing to give up getting fucked by people who literally make you cream yourself just at the smell of it. I’d like to meet him.”Louis snorts, but it comes out screechy and weak. “Well,” Louis says finally, “you’re never going to.”xIt’s less than a week later when Harry does.Niall and Zayn had decided to throw a party one Friday night. Something about celebrating landing a deal with a massive new vendor.He, as well as a far too many other people for one loft, fill the space, sipping on beers and cocktails, bobbing their heads to the beat of the music, finding things in common with one another.Eventually, Harry spots Louis, and has to beckon to him. He smiles dorkily over at him and Louis sighs, and then gives in, walking over and cramming his big bum into the near-nonexistent space between Harry and Niall and the girl currently sat atop Niall’s lap.Harry hands Louis a drink and he immediately takes a big sip.Where’s the hubby?” Harry leans into his ear and asks. “Left him at home?”Louis turns away from Harry, and nods over to Colin “He’s over there,” he says, pointing. “And it’s Colin, by the way.”“I know, I know,” Harry murmurs, distracted by the sight of Colin, studying him with his brows drawn together, nostrils just a little bit flared. He licks over his lips. “Goodlooking bloke.”Louis turns his gaze back to Colin. “Yes,” he says proudly, looking his man over.Harry took his appearance in. Colin had smoothed his hair back from his face tonight, and he had light grey eyes which looked sharp under his black brows and lashes, piercing in the light he stands in. He wore black jeans and a tight white t-shirt, showing off his lean figure.“He’s very good looking”, Louis hums.“Nice arse, too.”Louis turns back to slap Harry over the arm now.“Hey, that’s my husband you’re talking about.”“I’m sorry,” Harry chuckles, rubbing his arm where Louis slapped and pouting, all for show, “do I get to talk to him, ever?”“You—”“Lads,” Niall suddenly interrupts, slapping an arm around Louis’ shoulders. His lap-girl’s run off, it seems. “See that bird with Liam?”“Vivian?”“That’s the one,” he says, grinning like he knows something, like it’s imperative they know he does, “Zayn and I met her at Starbucks. Got chatting to her in the queue and then I realised she was just the girl for Liam. Gave her up so he could have her.”“You’re a saint,” Harry exclaims, eyes wide and exaggerated. He’s tipsy, at the very least, “a true selfless hero.”“Does he know you’ve given her up so he can have her?” Louis asks.Niall barks a laugh. “Course not, are you insane? I made up the party when I met her just to have an excuse for them to meet, then got Zayn on board and got a load of people invited. And see, there you go, he’s met the next love of his life and he thinks it’s on his own terms, the naive bastard. Isn’t it great?”“An evil masterplan,” Harry drawls, “she looks cute.”“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt him to meet a nice girl,” Louis mutters, “just hope she doesn’t mind the whole Snip-thing, though.”“If she’s drunk enough, she won’t mind anything but his cock,” Niall says, at which Harry reaches across Louis just to whack him up the back of the head.Louis drains the rest of his drink and then a few more.When Colin leaves Liam and Viv to their own devices and Liam seems to be beginning to fuck things up with a serious case of sudden awkward silence, Niall jumps up to the rescue.“Hiya,” Colin says, taking over his seat.“Hi, babe,” Louis says to him, fixing his t-shirt for him before leaning back, reluctantly, so Harry can get the hand he’s stretching out across to Colin to shake.“Harry,” he says, shaking Colin’s hand and smiling widely, too widely, and then, “so, you’re the famous Colin, then?”“Yes, I’m Colin,” Colin says, smiling back, “but I do believe you’re the famous one, if I’m not wrong.”“Famous and famous,” Harry shrugs, “everything’s relative, I guess.”He finally retracts his hand, and Louis surges right down and pours himself another drink.“I see now, what all the fuss is about,” Harry says, and Louis somehow ends up in a coughing-fit and Colin starts to slap his back, rubbing circles.“You all right, darling?”“Yeah, fine, just— yeah,” Louis rasps, “I’m good, I’m good.”He has a bit more of his drink, despite Colin’s weak objections, and Harry’s grinning off to the side, amused by the fuss of it all.…It gets better, though, throughout the night. Well, they get drunker, anyway.Niall forces everyone into a plethora of drinking games, and Louis loses on purpose— almost as much as Niall does himself, the alcoholic cunt. The rest of them are on their own various levels of taking it seriously, but the consensus is that they’re all just a bit plastered and somehow, as if it were middle school all over again, they are caught in a circle, spinning a glass bottle, waiting on fate to decide for them… who should they kiss?Niall is spinning first and it ends up pointing at the girl he had in his lap earlier, through some sort of Irish leprechaun magic, and he gives her a good snog. She spins next, and kisses a girl, at which everyone howls and whistles, and the other girl spins and kisses Liam, who goes red in the face because Viv’s sitting right next to him, even though she’s laughing as much as everyone. Liam then spins, ends up kissing Zayn, which is uncomfortable for everyone invovled, participants as well as audience. Zayn spins and kisses Colin, which is even worse, not so much due to jealousy as Zayn’s awkwardness at having to kiss two men in a row.Hit three and there’s no going back,” Louis tells out, “you’re stuck in gay-land forever.”Everyone laughs, except for Zayn, who’s too busy wiping his mouth off and fixing his hair back in place. Colin spins the bottle and kisses Viv, sweet, short and still enough to make Liam’s hands start twitching. Viv spins it lands on Harry and he leans forward and kisses her, lengthy and tonguey because what’s the fun of it otherwise?And then it’s his turn to spin the bottle. It almost points at Colin, but then it doesn’t. It stills, pointing at Louis finally, and it’s not a surprise. Not really.“Oh,” Harry says, gaze gliding up Louis’ body and then flicking away right before he reaches his face, directing his gaze over to Colin, and asks “all right, mate?” It’s only fair, what with the history lingering in the air, but he’s still staring. He knows he is.Ehm,” Colin says, frowning a little. “Be kind of hypocritical if I said no, wouldn’t it? I literally just kissed two other people,” he chuckles.Right.” Harry finds himself nodding, licking over his lips, and nods again, then gets up on all fours and starts crawling. He’s doing this.He doesn’t look at Louis until he’s close enough to kiss him and Louis gasps a little, once Harry puffs out an unsteady breath against his lips.Niall, being the funny man he is, lurches forward, slapping Harry on the arse, sending him forward, initiating the kiss between them.Soon as they do, Harry grunts into it, he cant help himself. It’s small and rough, and Louis’ lips part with another gasp. Harry groans right back, tonguing right in to the boys mouth, both of his big hands going up to clutch at Louis’ face. His thumbs press into the junctures of Louis’ jaw, opening his mouth up better, and he’s so hungry about the snog, so domineering, that Louis’ left clawing at the front of his shirt, over and over, desperate and pliant, allowing himself to be kissed.It’s a tug of war of groans and pants battling back and forth, low and continuous, and Harry’s clutching Louis’ jaw so hard he thinks it might be on the verge of too much, but Louis’ mouth is wet and hot, and he lets Harry take the lead every time he tries to change the pace.All of a sudden, Louis is pawing at his shirt in a different way, freeing himself from Harry’s grip, straightening himself out before returning to his seat.“Bloody hell, you went to town, lads!” Niall yells, as a thin line of saliva breaks between Louis and Harry and drapes itself down Harry’s chin. He doesn’t wipe it off. Instead he looks at Louis, eyes dark, teeth bared, lips sore-red and wet, nostrils flaring, need piercing through the air.Niall makes a few hundred more remarks and people laugh it off. Harry’s crawled back to his seat and ripped his eyes off of Louis somehow, because he knows he has to. Colin’s got a hand on the small of Louis’ back. It’s ironic, truly.Hey,” Louis says, turning to his husband, concern etched onto his face, to see if he’s all right.Colin smiles back, genuine but a little fuzzy-eyed, fingertips slipping under the backhem of Louis’ jeans, nails scratching gently, almost like a tick. “Hey,” he says softly. “S’your turn, babe.”“Wha’?” Louis rasps.“S’your turn to spin the bottle.”“Oh. Yeah, okay, ehm—”Louis doesn’t spare Harry a look as he goes to spin the bottle.It lands on Harry, of course .“Fuck,” he says, “ehm—” and he looks over at Harry, who’s looking at him, panting, open-mouthed, fully prepared to go for it again and— “Right, this game is getting boring. I forfeit,” Louis announces, and then scrambles onto his feet and hurries off.Louis slips into the bathroom and a minute or two ticks by before Colin goes to join him, and then another minute ticks by before Harry decides he really ought to go check on the situation, too. This could really get awkward if he didn’t.He hops up, still feeling the hazy presence of alcohol and the weed in his system, and meanders his way over to the bathroom, pops in, just to say a quick hey, and make sure they were alright, reassure them that it was just the fun of the game.He pushes the door open and instead of catching them arguing in a hushed whisper, or reassuring each other in soothing tones like he had expected, he catches them sweating and panting, mouths dropped open, bulge noticeably poking out of Colin’s jeans.It’s a lot to take in in just a moment, eyes raking over the two of them, trying to make sense of it, let alone trying to gather what to say.“Oh, shit, sorry, are you— doing anything?” he asks, cringing just a little bit.Colin doesn’t take his gaze away from his husband, but answers still. “Just talking”, he says.Louis is leaned against the sink, fingers going white against the porcelain from the strength of his grip on it, and he refuses to make eye contact with Harry.“Do you need the loo?” he asks, and it feels almost like he’s playing stupid.Harry leans back against the doorway now and shakes his head. “No”, he says.He keeps his gaze trained at Louis, still trying to make sense of it all.“Then what did you want, Harry?” Louis asks, voice harsh.What did he think?“Was looking for you”, he answers, automatic, before tacking on a quick little “guys” at the end, so as not to leave Colin out.Colin turns to look at him. “Yeah?”Harry gulps.“Wanted to say, uhm— well, to you, Colin, actually. Wanted to apologise if I— overstepped a boundary or something. I know that Louis told you about me asking something really fucking inappropriate in the car and I’m so fucking sorry about that, mate. You seem like a nice guy and I honestly meant no disrespect, then or just now.”“Oh,” Colin says, smiling a little at him, “thanks, I suppose. It’s all right, I believe you.”It’s a little too easy, and Harry looks from Colin to Louis then back again, gauging the feel of the room and the truth of Colin’s forgiveness.“I- oh. Okay. Okay. Good.”The room falls silent then.Then Colin asks; “So, d’you have a bedroom round here or…?”Louis’ head snaps up, lips falling slack, just as surprised as Harry feels. He stares at Harry and he knows that this hadn’t been planned before he walked in— that it kind of just came up.Harry doesn’t know how to respond immediately, feels like he’s snuck into a trap somehow.“Uhm”, he starts, trailing off, thinking his actions through. There is raw need perforating the air, and it’s invading every last one of his senses. His eyes catch onto Colin’s crotch, still strained against his jeans, and on one hand, he knows that it will be much, much harder to come back from this than from anything that’s already transpired— this is at least a hundred steps past where they’ve ever taken it before, and yet every last one of his instincts is telling him to take it. This is it. This is the thing he has wanted for as long as he can remember.He knows he’s staring dumbly and well, fuck. He meets both of their eyes, almost in question, searching beneath the haze of hormones.Finally, after what feels like forever but is really only mere moments of palpable lust, Harry nods, shakily and quick, nose flared from the smell of Louis’ slick and says, “yeah i do”, because well, it’s Louis. “You guys wanna see it?”Nobody speaks but they follow Harry hurriedly up the stairs to his loft bedroom. Colin and Harry make their way in the room first, already situated on the bed. They’re whispering filthily to each other, wrapped too far in the moment already, whereas Louis is still making his way into the room slowly, taking it all in as well as big gulps of air.“You wanna touch it?” Harry asks Colin, popping his eyes down cockily at his crotch, sees it stretching his jeans an obscene amount, and knows how enticing it is for them both. He can feel it.Colin’s a bundle of nervous, excited energy, flicking his eyes from his husband, back to Harry, then back again. He reaches a hand out and begins to cup at Harry’s bulge, ultimately making up his mind somehow or another. He gives it a squeeze and looks up at Harry, black eyelashes fanned prettily up at him.“You wanna touch Louis?” he asks, and what kind of question was that, really? Harry’s not sure there’s a person on this earth who’d say no to that, and really, the whole temptation of such is exactly what’s landed himself in this situation to begin with.Colin’s still got a firm grip on his cock through his jeans and he’s looking at him, waiting for an answer and Harry allows himself a look over at Louis, a quick one, but he catches sight of Louis’ pretty pink lips hanging open, and he’s a goner. He licks over his lips, slowly, surely. “So bad”, he says.Louis’ slicking up more and more and the smell of it is clouding every one of Harry’s senses, every last urge in his body telling him to pin this boy to the nearest surface and just have his way.Harry breathes in, harsh, and feels the need begin to ache within his bones. “Fuck”, he hisses out sharply, and gets on all fours, crawling forward. “Louis, get over here.”Louis is nodding frantically at him, pupils blown out, beautiful blue irises lost in the lust clouding over, and suddenly he’s right in front of Harry, crawling over to him on the bed so that they are occupying every bit of the same space.Colin goes to pet the side of Louis’ face, laying on the left side of him, cooing at him as he does.“Baby, you want him to fuck you? He wants to fuck you so badly.”He’s right.Harry’s there, one hand wrapped around his knot, and he is desperate for it, the smell of Louis’ slick teasing him more by the second.Harry molds his body to Louis’ own, plastering his front to Louis’ back, and he’s pushing his nose into Louis’ neck, teething at the nape of it, and scents him, licking and sniffing over and over.He’s tugging their jeans down impatiently, on the verge of just dry humping the boy at this point.Finally, Louis looks at him, and he admits, clearly and openly that, “yeah— yeah, fuck, I— you can..”He’s stumbling over his words, too turned on to speak, and he’s whining into the cut of Harry’s jaw over and over.Harry’s got his cock out, and he’s poking it at the crevice of Louis’ arse, feeling the boys slick drip down onto him, and it’s absolute heaven.Louis is grabbing up at him, taking hold of his neck to pull him closer, needing him more, still.Harry whines into Louis’ neck then, loving knowing the boy needs him, in some way or another. It has him on the edge just thinking about it.Harry sets his teeth into Louis’ shoulder and he nibbles over it as he begins to push into him.He’s big, and Louis’ fighting to accommodate, slick hole fluttering as it adjusts.“Fuck”, Louis’ hissing out, and he’s fisting at the sheets as Harry grabs onto his hips, holding them flush to his own, gripping him tight so as not to let him get away.Louis fists at the sheets and Colin is bending over to him, touching himself as he does.“Take him”, he says to him, “take him, you can take him, baby.”It’s so hot, watching Louis’ husband tell him to take his knot, encouraging him to split himself on Harry’s much larger, thicker dick than his own.Harry is panting, kissing roughly and sniffing at Louis’ neck as he closes his eyes, pressing into it, allowing himself to soak in the feeling of Louis’ slick heat.He snakes an arm under Louis and up across his chest, clutching onto the side of his sweaty jaw, big thumb pressing in between Louis’ teeth. Then he fucks forward, deeper, and Louis bites down on Harry’s thumb to keep from crying out, loudly.“There we go,” Harry pants, voice shot to hell, hips snapping forward, hard and relentless, deep as he can go, “there, take it, Lou. Take me, you can, trust me, you can.”Louis’ eyes are screwed shut as Harry fucks him, and he’s biting at his finger so hard it must hurt, holding on for dear life to Colin’s hand in the sheets and Harry’s strong arm is round his chest, holding him close as he pumps deeply into him. Louis cries out when he comes, breathy and pretty, his arsehole clenching up around Harry’s knot, milking him with his own orgasm. He’s shaking through it and Harry’s holding him, squeezing him, hard, biting his shoulder, pumping hotly up into him for what feels like ages. Harry knots him before he even realizes what he’s doing, stupid with lust and intoxicated by the heady scent of it all and Colin’s stopped now, hand stilled on his dick, mouth hanging open as he asks.“Oh my god, did you knot him?”Harry growls.He thinks it comes across as a yes, but he’s not sure. All he can focus on is Louis and his orgasm. Louis is nuzzling into him over and over, sniffing into his neck and his shoulder, searching for his scent and his protection. It’s cute and it’s overwhelming in the best way and Harry gives into it easily.Harry shushes him, nosing into his neck, sniffing, and licking. They pass out, still tied to each other, Colin passed out next to them, room reeking of sex and the feeling of lines being crossed.
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The next morning is a haze of slightly throbbing temporal lobes and sleep crusted eyes, heavy patter of rain drumming down onto the loft windows. It’s almost relaxing and despite the fact he’s waking up from such a hard sleep, he still feels groggy, so Harry finds himself slapping himself, just once, a sharp strike to the cheek, to wake himself up.He’s grunting, adjusting to the feeling of being awake, taking in his surroundings, the night before piecing itself back together as he does.Louis is already awake in front of him, sat up in the bed, hair feathered out in all directions, sleep ruffled and adorable, and his eyes are half-lidded, like the exhaustion is creeping up on him, too.He watches as Louis openly checks him out, eyes pouring over Harry’s body, still naked from the night before, covered only by the slim portion of sheets he’s got slung across his crotch. Black ink stretches across the tops of his hips, and he watches Louis’ eyes catch on it, as well as the tip of Harry’s knot, red and leaking, situated right between his laurel tattoos.He blinks up at the boy, catching his gaze, and he looks away immediately as he does, almost like he can’t face what’s going on just yet.“Morning,” he rasps, expressionless.“Morning”, Harry returns.Louis might not be willing to catch Harry’s eye or put into words what he is thinking, or maybe even feeling, but Harry can smell his slick leaking straight onto the sheets, undeniable, and that says enough.When he goes to meet Louis’ gaze again, this time the boy’s eyes are already there, and they hold each other’s eyes for a long while, neither one of them moving to break eye contact.Curiosity etches itself onto each of their faces, neither one of them fully able to understand the other— or what it is exactly that they want.The smell of Louis’ slick is still clouding his senses, and suddenly Harry is looking down to Louis’ collarbones, his neck, and shoulders. He thumbs at all of the multicolored blemishes and marks he had left the night before— little love bites and half-moon nail marks.Louis’ chest is heaving rapidly beneath Harry’s fingertips as he does, and he gets closer, moving to nose into the same areas, licking the bruises gently.Louis winces at first, but as Harry begins to lick and nuzzle, he calms rather quickly“Harry—“, he goes to say, voice almost pleading.Harry can tell that, like him, he almost wants to say no, and that he probably wants to laugh bitterly, knowing he’s going to do it anyways. Every time, no matter how badly he really should say no. They’re one and the same, really, him and Louis. It’s why they always did get along.“It’s not sexual”, he decides to say instead, because it isn’t, not completely. It so very could be, but it doesn’t have to be. No— it’s also just primal.The two of them had knotted last night and every instinct of his is now hammering in on him, insisting he care for this boy in front of him.He smells Louis get wetter at it though, nose still pressed into Louis’ neck, and Harry groans at the smell of it, sniffing at the crook of his neck and onto his jaw, over and over.Suddenly, he’s climbing on top of Louis, feeling the buzz of sharing the same space. His cock lays hard and heavy between them, and it’s pressing against Louis’ hip, but Louis doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move to stop him when he moves down, biting down on the bruise he was just caring to, and he doesn’t go to stop him as he moves to hitch Louis’ legs up, getting his hands on that arse of his, tilting his hips up towards him.They don’t kiss nor do they even look each other in the eye. In that way, it’s completely primal and sexual, they could argue. Only pure need is stinking up the air.Harry finds himself grunting, nudging the head of his cock at Louis’ entrance, tells him, “you need this”, and it’s throaty and it’s rough, and better yet, it’s true. They both know it.Louis closes his eyes, squeezing them shut, but he locks his arms around Harry, squeezing him tight, pulls him down close to him, nails clasping at his skin as he adjusts to taking Harry in again, his hole still sore from the night before.Harry fucks him fast and hard, gives his arse a stinging whack here and there, and, just as Louis starts to come, he pulls his dick out, watching as Louis’ hole clenches around nothing, and it looks almost sad, so he stuffs him with three fingers to make up for it and then covers Louis’ chest in long spurts of come. He feels better.“How do you have so much?” Louis pants at him a minute later, arms splayed over his eyes, chest still lifting and falling rapidly, “you came in literal waves last night.”Harry has rolled off to the side, spent from the heavy haze of his orgasm, and he’s still shaking from it, pressing his nose into the pillow, taking in big puffs of air.He grunts at Louis’ question. It’s so simple, really.“You need it,” he says, and he means every word. “It’s meant to fill you up, all of it. It’s meant to knock you up, cause your body needs to be bred.”“Needs you to shut the hell up, is what it needs”, Louis quips and Harry obliges, but he can’t help but to think about the thought of it, just for a moment— Louis’ belly all stretched out with his pups. He’s really got to make sure he’s on the pill.Harry shifts around to look at Louis and he’s got his eyes closed, massaging the bridge of his nose.“Lou-eh,” Harry drawls lowly, as he fiddles with the sheets beneath them starts to wipe Louis’ torso off with them, “if you aren’t on the pill, you have to take the morning-after stuff.”“Oh.”They sit quietly for a moment, but then Louis adds on to it, says “i’m not on anything at the moment”, and really it’s no surprise to Harry.While not impossible for Louis’ husband to get him pregnant, it definitely wasn’t likely.Even still, getting Louis some contraception was at the forefront of his mind. He didn’t want to nag, but it was very important, after all.“Okay”, Harry says, nodding at the boy in front of him. “You have to take them within a said amount of time. I can’t remember exactly how much, but it’s like, two days or something like that. Otherwise it might not work.”“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine, I’ll figure it out”, Louis says, almost exasperated.“Are you sure?”Louis sighs, irritated now , and turns his head to look at him. “Yes, Harry, I’m not some groupie trying to trick you into having your baby, chill out.”Harry blinks at him because what? That’s not at all what he was trying to get at.“Oh, I— no, I didn’t mean, I— I just meant if you needed me to help you or—”They are interupted by a violent creak of the ladder and Louis calls out, “Hello?!”, slight tone of panic coloring his voice.“Hello,” says Colin, calling back, and Louis breathes out, settling down.Louis straightens up immediately and makes quick work of trying to locate his clothes, eyes darting madly around the room in pursuit of them.The issue, however, lies in the absolute disaster zone that had become the loft room. Clothes were all tangled up together in mangled piles strewn messily about on the floor amidst sperm-coated blankets and rags, and a pair of briefs, here and there.With defeat, Louis sighs and tugs the blanket up to his chest to cover himself, effectively ripping it completely from Harry’s own body, revealing his own naked body, cock out on full display for everybody.Of course, this is exactly when Colin reaches the top of the stairs, rounding his way into the loft, wearing last nights clothes.He’s got a cup of tea balanced carefully in his hand and he doesn’t even take the time to mention Harry’s nudity. Instead, he offers the cup of tea out to his husband, soft smile gracing his lips.“Would’ve brought for both of you, but it’s impossible enough as it is to get up that ladder with just one cup in hand,” he says.“That’s all right, mate,” Harry says, crawling off the mattress, still nude and it is then that Collin allows himself to glide his eyes over the full length of his body before snapping them away, back over to Louis, grinning and wiggling his brows.“Thank you, babe,” Louis tells him, grateful, as he has a sip of his tea.“You want something to drink, Colin?” Harry asks Colin, now sifting through his mini-fridge tucked away in the corner of the room. “I’ve got coke, sprite, beer… water…”“Oh, sprite would be nice, thanks.”“Sprite it is.”Harry tucks two cans of Sprite into one big hand, and then another beverage, a large bottle of ice cold water for Louis in the other, going to pass out the drinks.Louis doesn’t argue when Harry offers him the water, just takes it simply, uncapping it and gulping hugely from it almost immediately, and somehow it isn’t awkward, just the three of them.They actually sit up there, in the loft, for quite some time. They lounge on Harry’s bed amidst still-messy sheets and Louis sips his tea quietly, seemingly caught within his thoughts, whilst Harry and Colin talk easily. It isn’t deep conversation, not really, but they talk about work and Harry talks about tour, and it’s easy for a little while, idle conversation with only the sound of rain pattering away in the background. It was almost soothing.…. Louis and Colin leave a little before noon, still in their clothing from the night before, not even having bathed, despite Harry’s offers.They had eaten a small breakfast, a quick fry up Harry had popped down to the kitchen to make for them all, and they had left with quick thank you’s and hushed goodbyes to Niall and Liam, who were both nursing much worse hangovers than any of their own, as well as lean down to place a kiss to the top of Zayn’s head, who had yet to even wake up.They leave and that’s that, but it’s not, not really.Everything stills hangs loosely in the air, not a single thing talked about, and the worst part is he knotted him.Or maybe the worst part is that he can’t tell the lads.He can’t even ask them for their thoughts.So, he works on writing a few songs.
Fucks off for the rest of the day, really.He catches up on some reality TV because well, when you’ve been succumbed to it, it’s somehow just the slightest bit more amusing, being able to accurately pick through every plot line, seeing where details have been played up to project a certain image.He laughs here and there, not even always paying attention. It’s mindless entertainment and sometimes that’s all that’s needed, really.The lads resurface just past five in the evening and they order a pizza in to share, Niall filling them all in on the girl he had hooked up with the night before, Alice.It was easy and the night faded away in an instant, which Harry welcomed thankfully.He didn’t have to think about it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The days to follow are as confusing as they are expected. Obviously, Louis, nor Colin, pops by the flat after that night.The lads seem a bit confused by it, murmuring about it during dinner on a couple of nights, but Harry saw it coming— he really did. So, why is it bothering him so much now?It wasn’t like he and Louis had just had sex, they had knotted. Some stupid part of his alpha brain had honed in on Louis and how best to protect him ever since, and it showed zero signs of going away.And it wasn’t like he expected them to continue sleeping together, but a conversation would be nice.Instead, the days kept blurring together, continuing to pass by as if nothing happened, after all. It was uncanny, really.…. Around day four of radio silence, Harry decided to just give Louis a call, which, of course, was not picked up or returned.This process continued for another day or two before he grew upset, worried that another alpha might have gotten to the boy, or something.And did it really matter if one did? It was all silly and pointless, really— these concerns of his.But, he had made the rash decision of watching Louis’ talk show interview with known flirt and sleaze host, Mistar Stilyaboi, and well, the negative feelings only escalated from there.He told himself that none of it really mattered and that what was done, was done, at the end of the day. Closure isn’t owed, after all— or so he told himself, until the worry would creep up once more. He worried, a lot— mainly about Louis and as much as Louis and Colin’s marriage really didn’t concern him, he did hope, just a little bit, that he wasn’t the cause of their split, if that was the reason for the radio silence. It just felt like a bit too much pressure, really— if he was, in addition to the loss of his friendship with Louis.He guesses people have been at this for centuries— the whole act of trying to have their cake and eat it too, and it more than usually fails. So why he thought that he or Louis or hell, even Colin, could get away with it is beyond him.There was too little planning in all of this, and too often does he find himself in these kinds of situations because of just that.He finds himself envying Zayn suddenly— he really ought to be more analytical, like him, though that would be pretty difficult. Zayn is rather guarded— it takes awhile for his guard to come down, around anybody, and when it does, it feels rather special, Harry has to admit.It serves its purpose, however, and well. It’s an act of protection. By keeping guarded and choosing who he opens up to and what he does very carefully before hopping straight in, he avoids a lot of these types of situations Harry finds himself nestled in the thick of on a regular basis.Oh well. His mum always did say he was a troublemaker. No surprise, really.…The great thing about having to learn how to deal with radio-silence from Louis was he’d already had to learn this lesson before.So, Harry hits the gym, and hard. He falls into a steady routine of waking up at just round five in the morning, getting a kickstart by taking an ice-cold shower before a morning run. His goal was to get at least a mile, possibly two, in each morning before he went to the gym, listening to music that was far too loud and lifting weights that were far too heavy, using the pressure of everything else in his life to push him to lift, and it felt good. By the time he was leaving the gym each day, his face was coated in a layer of sweat, and there was this airy feeling in his chest. He felt a little bit closer to something every time he went, and he didn’t know what that was, but it was enough to keep him going.And when he wasn’t at the gym, he was spending an increased amount of time with Nick Grimshaw, a radio-host friend of his.Nick was full of banter and loved a good laugh, and sometimes that’s really all Harry needed.They would hit their bowls together and they’d just talk and talk, and it was nice.For a while, he could just breathe...The funny thing about routines is that usually, as soon as you’ve done this really fabulous job of implementing them— loop doing all the nitty gritty self-discipline and getting it out of the way, that’s when life throws you a curveball, making the whole system collapse, once more.In Harry’s case, it was Louis showing up by the lads flat for a visit around two weeks into the whole silent act, and it wasn’t exactly unheard of, considering it was really quite rich of Harry to assume that Louis would forfeit his relationship with the lads solely to better avoid him, but still somehow, it feels odd that Louis would risk seeing him.It’s unexpected, in any case, and Harry is the one left standing, in only his boxers and an obnoxiously bright red hoodie, mind you, in the hall when Louis lets himself in that day.As soon as Louis enters the flat, it’s pretty much over for Harry, at that point. His nose flares out against his will, almost like it knew what scent was going to be carrying out through the air before he even caught sight of Louis’ face.It takes everything in him, fighting every last urge with a will he never knew he had, to not march over to Louis and answer every last question he’s had these past two weeks with only a sniff. A quick nuzzle to the neck would do just fine. But he doesn’t. Instead, he stands there, still as can be, and he says nothing, and it’s really quite awkward, see, but it’s better than being a knobhead. It is, so. It’s what it is.Louis is standing sheepishly and Betty has run up to him, poking around at his feet, asking for love in her own little way, but Harry is still too caught up in the smell of tobacco and vanilla hanging heavily in the air to notice her. The room around him smells like Louis, and it feels like need, and he’s just a bit dumbed by it all.“Hey”, Louis mutters, and he doesn’t meet his eye. It’s noticeable, but again, not shocking. It would be hard for Harry, too, if it weren’t for the instincts swarming through him right now, begging and pleading with him to make this omega his.Louis’ got one hand propped up against the wall, keeping his balance, as he toes off his shoes and Betty has since ran off, but they’re both still there, and suddenly Louis is looking up at Harry and he’s frowning.“Well, don’t look so happy to see me”, he mutters.Harry still can’t bring himself to respond and Louis has resulted to giving up, silence clouding the space around them once more before Louis is studying him, ultimately ending with him fidgeting and sighing a few times. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back,” Louis says, flicking his gaze away as he speaks and Harry can’t even blame him, really he understands. “I didn’t have your new cell and it was private, so.”He peeks an eye up at Harry again, but Harry still remains frozen, unable to move, every last ounce of his energy being funneled into fighting the urge to let the alpha instincts in him take over. He knows that when Louis looks at him, he must see it— how desperate and needy he must look, and he wants to be embarrassed, but right now, even that is too much energy.Louis goes to turn away, mumbles under his breath about saying hi to the lads or something, but all Harry registers is that he’s leaving and finally, that is enough for him to come to, reaching out for Louis and man-handling him directly into the wall, almost in a haze.Louis makes a startled noise beneath him and Harry grunts in response, moving one hand to press flat against Louis’ shoulder blades, keeping him firmly in place, and using his other hand to mess with the edge of Louis’ collar, working to bare some of his skin around his neck so that he can scent him.“Harry—“, Louis says, trying to protest, but it sounds weak, falling flat between them.“Don’t move”, Harry says and it sounds pleading, he knows it does. He reaches around Louis, unfastening the top two buttons of his shirt, exposing his throat, and he feels like he has to add, “it’s not sexual.” Because it’s not, it’s primal before it’s anything else, and it’s mainly to ease his mind.Breathing Louis in, he feels the bubble of anxiety that had been residing at the back of his throat for the past two weeks up ease up so really, it’s not sexual.“Don’t move”, he says again. “I’m sorry”, he adds, because he is. Really, he isn’t proud of all of this, but he kind of can’t help himself.He continues exposing more and more of Louis’ skin, nipping around his shoulders , nosing into the skin on either side of Louis’ neck. He knows what he’s doing, and he knows that Louis must, because there’s only one reason his alpha instincts settle down upon scenting him and that’s because he still has Harry’s scent all over him.Every alpha there is would be able to smell himself on Louis, and know that they had knotted and well, that’s enough to calm him, at least a little.Harry keeps muttering out small little apologies as he continues to sniff and lick and nip over every little bit of skin he can on Louis’ neck and it’s a little bit embarrassing, really.Harry thinks he could stand here all day, just absorbed in this, when he flattens his tongue against the side of Louis’ neck, eliciting a shrill, drawn out whine from Louis, causing him to push his arse back onto Harry’s front, molding it to his crotch.And well, that’s enough really. Louis’ beginning to slick up, he can feel it absolutely flooding the air, and this has to stop. Now.“Fuck”, he hisses, pushing Louis even further into the wall. Then, realizing what he’s doing, he garners every last bit of his strength and pulls himself away, straight out, chest heaving heavily as he does. “Don’t do that when I— fuck. Fuck.” Once again, it is all too much.Louis doesn’t move, still resting against the wall, almost boneless in a way, like he’s afraid to move. He’s got his forehead pressed against the wall, sticking sweatily to it, and the sound of his heavy breaths ring loudly through the air.Harry looks at him once more then decides to leave him standing there, still heavy breathing and pretty as he ever will be, and it’s so fucking hard that he almost feels like he should be ashamed he’s even doing it, but the toilet is somehow a much needed escape, and he knows he made the right choice, hard as it may be.He stays there for a long, long time, gathering himself, but also just standing there, just existing, in a way. For a few minutes, he allows himself the freedom of not having to think or worry or feel, but just to be. He stares off into the distance, and he tunes every last thing away, every stimuli buzzing into static around him, and when he finally emerges from the bathroom, he doesn’t allow himself a look, clambering up the ladder and to his loft room without a sound, because really, it’s for the best.….The next morning, Harry wakes to find that Louis had slept over at the lads place. He smells him still, from up in his loft, and he’s determined to catch him before he leaves, not willing to let the opportunity for communication pass him by when it was all he’d been able to think about these past few weeks.He makes his way down the ladder from his loft and it’s perfect timing, really. Louis is leashing Betty up, preparing her for a walk, and he’s sliding his shoes on, as he idles by the door.“Louis! Hang on a sec!”He jogs to catch up, Louis still going on about his way and as he catches up to him, he’s panting. “Sorry”, he says, digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he does. “Can I walk with you?”Louis is skeptical, and Harry can tell. There’s a notch in his eyebrow and he’s fidgeting with Betty’s lead, running it against his index finger again and again, as he debates the idea of it.“Yeah”, he says, reluctantly, and Harry wonders if he felt he had a choice, or if he felt Harry would tag along anyways, insistent upon speaking in some way. “Why, are you going down to the kiosk?”Harry shakes his head because no, he hadn’t planned on it nor did he care to pop down round there really, but he will if Louis needs. “Just wanted to talk”, he says openly, and lets the honesty leak through.Louis pauses for a moment but doesn’t take long to talk. “Okay”, he says, “i’m going to the dog park.” It’s final, when he says it, and Harry knows that his options are to either tag along with Louis and Betty now and head there or go back up the flat and eat his words for the foreseeable future. So, here they were.“Cool”, he says, sidling alongside Louis and Betty as they make their way there.They don’t talk much on their way there, despite the entire walk being a ruse to talk in first place, but it’s not an awkward sort of silence. Harry has his hood up as they walk, so as to avoid drawing any attention, and he keeps his eyes locked on the pavement as they walk.It isn’t until they round their last corner, dog park actually coming into view, that Louis decides to speak up.“What is it? The thing with the... sniffing my neck and that? I mean, I get that it’s to do with your whole… thing, but— specifically, why’d you have to do it right then?”Harry sighs, because out of all of the things, this was actually the one he cared least to talk about. It was primal, in every sense of the word, and in many ways, he felt embarrassed by it. Every time he felt the urge to scent Louis, searching to sniff at the crease of his neck again and again, he found himself feeling more than a little bare, like the very essence of who he is was laid out for all to see because hell, in a way, it kind of was. He’s just a man, after all— just an alpha, searching for an omega. It’s all anybody is—we are all just people, in the end, searching for the pieces to make us whole.“I meeean”, he begins, and he’s opening the gate to the park for Louis and Betty to make their way into as he does, “it’s like… like, primal, i guess.”It’s a piss poor answer, and he’s well aware of it. Louis has this little look on his face— one that says, by every definition, that he couldn’t be arsed to deal with Harry any longer, and well, it was a true answer, nevertheless. He stood by it.“Yeah, tell me something I don’t already know”, Louis quips.He rubs over his nose with the back of his hand, looking over the expanse of the dog park, taking it all in. Without a thought, he makes note of the other people straggling around, few and far between, as well as their surroundings. When he’s done, he sighs, and he sets his sights back on Louis.“Right, well, do you really want to talk about this out here?”It feels vulnerable enough to discuss it with Louis alone, let alone any stragglers happening to wander by.Louis answers immediately. “Yes”, he says, “You said you wanted to talk, but you didn’t initiate conversation for five minutes straight. You’ve lost the right to pick the topic, so answer my question.”Harry grins at him, because well, it feels good to know, at the very least, that this has eaten away at Louis in some way or another, also— that he too had questions that demanded answers.Because life has good timing, of course, it is then the Betty tugs harshly at the leash, almost knocking Louis over as she does. Louis crouches down in response, sighing as he unleashes her to go run about and play amongst the park, making sure to follow along with her with his eyes as she does.Harry makes his way up a nearby grass hill, lazily, making his way towards a spotted bench, and upon noticing him, Louis begins to follow.“It’s just because I accidentally watched the talkshow,” Harry admits when Louis thumps down on the bench beside him, as far away as possible, “that you were on.”“Oh. The one with—”“Mistar Stilyaboi, yeah,” Harry says, nose scrunching up when he says it.Mistar was an actor turned talkshow-host and a well-known alpha, with a taste for young male omega’s— one who had been sure to brush a hand over Louis’ knee more than a few times during the show. The very thought of him was enough to get on Harry’s nerves.“What’s the problem with him?” Louis asks.They’re both watching Betty intently as she meanders about in the muddy grass, and Louis’ rubbing his fingers, stiff and pink from the cold.Harry’s not sure there is one singular answer to that question— it’s really more a state of being. Mistar exudes a type of energy he wants never to be near Louis. He feels protective in a way that stirs uncomfortably in his chest, and he’s not sure he likes it.“He’s just… I didn’t want him to be on you. I just didn’t. It’s all right that, that Colin’s— but, uhm… but you haven’t ever had another alpha knot you before me, have you?” And it’s word vomit, absolutely— but it’s honest, and for once, maybe that would be a start.He has no right to ask and he knows, but he just needs to. He does.Louis takes it the exact way he expects him to.“You don’t get to ask me that,” he says, “that’s none of your bloody business, Harry.”Well, I still needed to be sure he hadn’t been on you,” Harry replies, defiant as ever.“He hadn’t been on me,” Louis responded dryly, and he sounded tired, like he couldn’t do this right now, but here he was. “I’m fucking married.”I know he hadn’t,” Harry says, “I could still smell me on you.”That’s the entire reason I was smelling you to begin with, is what he leaves out.Louis finally looks at him then, mouth all agape. “What the fuck do you mean?”“What I said.” Harry licks over his lips, painfully slowly, enunciating every word for the boy to hear. “Louis, I didn’t just fuck you, I knotted you. I’m not sitting here like a fucking imbecile, telling you that means we’re soulbound for life or some shit, I know you love Colin and I didn’t fuck you thinking we were going to fuck again after that. But, I can’t deny that things’ve shifted for me now.”Louis swallows and Harry watches the bob of his throat. “What do you mean?”“You know what the fuck I mean,” Harry growls, lowly, “I shouldn’t have fucking knotted you, but I was drunk and I didn’t want to pull out and so I ended up knotting you. It was stupid, but it means now that I, uhm— well, I shouldn’t have watched you in that talkshow anyway.”And all of a sudden he feels two things very certainly: the first being that he feels he’s been a bit too honest today and the second being that he feels Louis hadn’t been honest enough.It was a catch twenty-two— trying to be honest while also remaining guarded. In many ways, it felt impossible— like he would have to choose between one or the other.Louis sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and looked Harry over, carefully. There was no doubt he was sorry, but he was caught— between so many things, and well, it was all too complicated.“Anyway, Colin’s probably home from work soon so I’m gonna take Betty in a minute and head off,” Louis says finally, lifting his fisted hands up to his lips, breathing hot puffs of air onto them for heat.“Here,” Harry says, reaching across and folding Louis’ icy hands up in his big warm ones that had been kept warm by the pockets of his hoodie. “That better?”Louis looks down, eyes locked on the image of the two of their hands, folded up together to keep warm. “Thank you,” he ends up saying, quietly.“S’all right,” Harry says back, even quieter.They sit there for a moment, just like that, and somehow it’s still not enough.Harry feels it coming— him and his big fat mouth. He feels it coming but he’s got Louis’ hands in his and he’s looking the tops of Louis’ cheeks, dusted pink from the cold and the heat of all of the emotions flooding between them, and he is too weak to stop it.But, Lou,” he says, breaking the silence, running his in thumbs circles over the boys knuckles, “if you and Colin ever want to do anything again, or just you, if he allowed it, I’d still want to. I mean, I’m up for it. I’d still fuck you again, I’d— you know. I would, I really would.” Louis looks up at him, then, and Harry smiles back, wide and saccharine. “I’d pull out and everything. Wear a condom, even.”Louis exaggerates surprise. “You’d do that for me?”“I’d do anything for you,” Harry responds, big, dopey grin on his face, “I’d, like, fuck you anywhere you’d like. The mouth, the arse, between the thighs, I’d— you know, wherever you’d let me put it. I’d want to. Just FYI.”Harry’s grip grows tighter on Louis’ hands as he speaks, digging the hole, deeper and deeper. He’s sliding a hand up Louis’ thigh, giving it a little squeeze, as he noses into his neck, and in a sick sort of way, he hopes it serves as a sort of reminder— of what Louis could be having, of what Harry’s offering up to him on a platter, practically begging for it.Harry would almost feel pathetic if it weren’t for the fact that Louis was shivering beneath his touch, eating up every last word.“Would he?”, Harry asks, voice vibrating low against Louis’ throat, “have you spoken to him about it, would he let me again?”Louis’ lips part and he’s tilting his head back, and Harry presses his face into his exposed throat, breathing him in repeatedly.“What would you do if he would?” Louis asks, coy.He’s flushing from the tips of his ears to the tops of his collarbones and it’s more attractive than anybody ought to be, really.Fuck, I’d—” Harry’s voice catches, sounding scratchy as he takes one of Louis’ wrists, and moves his hand over, placing it onto his own crotch, so Louis can feel just how hard he is, how big he gets just from this little, even through his jeans. “I’d rub it anywhere, Lou. Everywhere, I’d rub my cock up every part of you so no other alpha came near you. And I’d put it in all your holes, fuck, I’d come in you, I’d—”Betty jumps up Louis’ leg all of a sudden because again, timing is everything and fuck. Louis jerks away from Harry and he stumbles off the bench, as dizzy with what just transpired as Harry is— he had to be.“I’ve got to go,” he announces breathily, and he doesn’t look back as he fumbles to leash Betty back up, “I’m going to go. I’m—”“Fuck, I— sorry. Sorry, Lou!” Harry calls after him hoarsely, “let me at least drive you home!”Louis doesn’t respond, however, and despite the fact it doesn’t sit right with him, he lets Louis go, because he knows he has to.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It isn’t long after leaving the dog park that Harry sees it, and it shocks him less than he knows it will Louis.While at the park, some pap, desperate for a cheque and a story, had caught a few photos of him and Louis. They were grainy, but it was clear to make out the two figures in the photo, and they were plastered across tabloids, all over the internet as well as at the markets, by noon.It’s not a big deal, really, but Harry’s used to both attention and speculation. He learned a long time ago that only he has the liberty of knowing the truth about himself and his life, as well as whoever he chooses to share things with, and that was something that could not be confiscated from him by way of speculation in the media.It’s kind of like what your mom tells you when you’re battling the school bullies in primary— people will always talk, so let them.So, Harry isn’t worried about it. He does, however, find it annoying when his sister Gemma shoots him a quick text, seemingly having caught wind of it, after not bothering to chat with him for the last few weeks besides mindless chatter here and there.
Gems: woah… u lonely lad?? lewis again, eh?
He should have expected it, really— Gemma never had been Louis’ biggest fan after the way he had, unknowingly, Harry’s sure of it, led him on as a teen. It was old news, really, and Gemma had no reason to be concerned.Still, he swipes the message away, choosing to forget about responding to it.And the whole thing is easily forgettable, expected silence radiating between him and Louis the way it always seems to be, and he’s almost a little shocked — that Louis wasn’t making this a much bigger deal, what with being pictured grabbing hold of Harry’s crotch on the front page of The Sun and all, but.It’s fine.He calls Nick up. He really needs to hang out with somebody who isn’t the lads— whom he can actually vent to about all this shite he’s been dealing with.…. Louis calls him a few days later, and Harry answers, almost immediately.“Helloo??” he drawls into the phone, voice slow and lazy, almost a purr. He decides to mention the elephant in the room, solely to get it out of the way, and chooses the comedic relief route as his method of bringing it up. “Did you know that you and I are officially mates now? I just read it in The Sun. I love them, they’re always so nice at giving me a heads up about who I’m currently dating, in case I didn’t know myself yet.”Louis sounds agitated when he responds, and Harry quickly picks up on the fact that the comedic relief route might not have been as foolproof as he may have previously considered.“Harry, this isn’t funny”, he says, and he almost sounds as if he’s begging him to see things from his perspective, somehow.“It’s a little funny”, Harry says, because reacting in any other way does nothing for either of them— the articles are still circulating regardless.Louis’ voice cracks when he speaks again, a weak little “Harry, please”, being all he says.Harry stops now because well, he can tell that Louis is really shaken up by this, after all — exactly the way he thought he would be all these days ago.Louis hadn’t been privy to this kind of portrayal for years the way Harry had, in fact, he had never had to deal with something like this before at all. So really, Harry ought to be fair to him.“Hey, are you alright?” he asks Louis, instead.Louis clears his throat on the other end, says, “yeah, no, I’m not, actually, I— fuck, this is really, really shit. I know this might not matter to you, but you don’t understand what this means to me. This is potentially detrimental to my entire career, Harry. This is like— I know you haven’t read my book or blogposts, but those pictures are pretty much proving me to be the biggest fucking hypocrite on the planet. My entire fucking book is about— fuck, and my readers, they’re… fuck, shit, this is really not good.”His voice grows higher and higher in pitch as he speaks, showing no signs of slowing down or stopping. The anxiety radiates off of him, dripping from every word he speaks.Harry tries to put on his most calming voice, hoping to be soothing when he says, “Louis, I’ve been linked to pretty much every omega I’ve ever been pictured within ten feet of since I was seventeen. If there’s one thing I can say to calm you down it’s that these things pass. These rumors go away. You just have to keep quiet and wait them out. Worst thing you can do is to kick up a fuss about it.”It’s true. He knows it isn’t the easiest advice to take in— it wasn’t when he had to swallow it, accepting it for what it was, either.At the end of the day, it’s one of the negatives involved with the industry he’s made a living for himself in, and he’d had to grow accustomed to it.He hopes Louis will be able to, too. He hopes this doesn’t scare him off, even though he’s not sure Louis was planning on sticking around in the first place.“People care who I kiss,” Louis says, slowly, “they care who I touch, fuck, anything of the sort. My reputation is my fucking marriage, Harry, don’t you get that? That’s literally all it is. My book, my public speeches, anything I do, anywhere I go, what it’s based off first and foremost is my personal life, what I do is be the front face of beta-omega marriage,” he grits, “how the fuck does that look when I’m out getting felt up by the biggest fucking omeganizing alpha in Britain?”He’s panting once he’s done, his voice getting louder and sharper as he went on and Harry can’t bring himself to speak— he’s not sure there’s anything to say.“Harry, we’re friends, aren’t we? Doesn’t it matter when I ask you to do this one thing to save all that I’ve spent my entire adult life building for myself?”Harry swallows, thickly. “Louis,” he says, “ever since me and the lads first struck fame, I’ve had a personal principle saying I’m never, ever, ever going to speak up on my romantic life like that. You won’t ever find me in any interview, anywhere, saying that I’m anything but single or an article where I’ve personally denied anything about anyone. I want it to stay like that. I don’t want to give into people’s insatiable need to know who the hell I’m shagging, I refuse to let them have that. Who I fuck has nothing to do with my car—”It was one of his boundaries— one of the only ways he was able to maintain any sort of semblance of control in the kind of life he had chosen for himself, and he cared about Louis so much— fuck, he did. But, it felt unfair.Louis was not willing to give him anything— he wouldn’t speak to him, he wouldn’t let down his guard around him.He wanted Harry to protect him, but did nothing to ask Harry how he felt about all of this.It stung, in a way. Harry still had that stupid urge to protect Louis, however, so he would get his way. Somehow. Harry knew he would.Louis is screaming when he cuts Harry off, unwilling to not be heard, at this point.“But it has everything to do with my career! Everything, everything! Can’t you do something for me, can’t you put something out there, make a little statement, something, just for me, I— is it really that much of a fucking sacrifice, just this once, when I am begging you, I’m—” his voice cracks over and then he sobs, loud and sudden, and then the call cuts out suddenly, Louis having ended the call.Harry looks down at the phone in his hands and attempts to call Louis back. Once, twice, three times. No answer.The strain within Louis’ voice had been authentic— Harry knew it, and really, there was no denying it.Louis genuinely was fearful of the impact this whole ordeal would have on him, and his life, as a whole.Harry wasn’t an idiot— he knew that Colin had to have seen the photos, and he wonders how he must have felt. Did he like it? Or did it trigger something uglier in the pit of his stomach? Had he come home to Louis, begging for answers?Harry’s stomach turns at the thought of it all and really, he knows what he has to do.He’s used to all of this, but Louis most likely feels cornered, right now. By Harry. By the media. By Colin. By everything.It feels like a lot to ask of him, and yet Harry knows he is going to do it — because there is no other right way, so he goes to set up a live feed, directly to his fans on Instagram.It’s nothing special— no effort to it, really, being that he films it on his iPhone, but he props it up against his loft window, and he fiddles with his hair, and he speaks to the little camera on the phone, feeling awkward as all hell as he does.He rubs his nose, trying to think of all of the right things to say.“Uhmmm”, he drawls out, and this is so unlike him, he hopes everybody doesn’t see right through it. He sighs.“All right, so I don’t make these kind of videos, like, ever,” he says, quite redundantly, “but I wanted to make one now, addressing some rumors which’ve hurt some people I care about, and therefore also hurt me. I guess I don’t want to say too much, because it’s really none of anybody’s business, but… I have friends that are omega’s. We fuck around sometimes, like lads do. We’re completely platonic. I’d really love for everyone to not make it into something it isn’t, because it’s really hurting my friend, and that, uhm, hurts me, so. Yeah. Uhm. Peace out. Love to all.”It’s short, it’s simple, and it feels robotic having to do, but he knows that it will mean something to Louis, so he hops off Instagram and leaves the live on a public setting, for all to see.He finishes up by linking the live to his twitter page, as well as tweeting an only kind of cryptic “don’t believe everything you read”.He sighs and decides to take a nap.He’s got to start keeping a level head about Louis.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As easily as Harry may be able to ward off the media, he is not so lucky when it comes to his sister, Gemma.Him and Gemma were his mum’s only children, and despite Harry being the only Alpha among the three, she was still the eldest. Thus, she had always taken up a sort of protective role, in regard to Harry.For some reason, she was suddenly very intent on meeting up, so he plans a lunch with her a few days later, knowing it would consist moreso of an interrogation rather than eating.She’s already waiting at the booth when he arrives, tucked away into it, eyes trained down at her phone, which she puts away immediately upon seeing him.Gemma smiles brightly up at him, and it really had been too long since he had made the time to see her.Her hair is now more blonde than it is dark, and it’s piled meticulously into a neat ponytail atop her head. She’s bundled in a cozy array of sweaters and leggings, scarves and boots, and she looks good. There’s a pink flush to her cheeks and Harry can tell upon seeing her that she’s doing well.She stands, opening her arms up, inviting him in for a hug.“Hey, Gems”, he mumbles into the tip of her shoulder, on his way out from the hug and she gives him a squeeze before she goes to sit back down.“Hey Haz!”, she gushes. “It’s good to see you.”She’s already set up occupancy at the table for quite some time. Harry can tell by the half-filled mug of coffee sat in front of her on the table, already gone cold.“You too, Gems”, he says, warmly. “How long have you been here?”She rolls her eyes, playfully, and laughs loudly.“Observant as ever.”He smiles, and he makes sure to let his dimple pop. “You didn’t answer the question.”“Only about half an hour.”“Why?”“Had to get my caffeine jitters started, Hazza”, she chirps, and then, her face turns suddenly serious, smile faltering but not completely disappearing. “Why have you been ignoring my texts, little brother?”He rolls his eyes now.“Gems, I haven’t, but you know as well as I the things that the media will put together. I don’t want to put any value into what they’re saying, even to my sister.”She smiles then, and pats his arm twice.“I know that, H, but it’s Louis. It’s easier for me to believe with a random lass or bloke, but not one you’ve got such a rich history with. What are you doing hanging round him again, anyhow? It’s not going to be good for you, ya know.”She pops a small piece of bread from the basket sitting in the middle of the table into her mouth and chews it, staring at him as she does.“He’s just a friend, Gems”, he says.He knows the smile on his face is tightlipped and forced, and there is little he can do to stop it.Not even he has an answer for what this is going on between him and Louis, so he really isn’t very well equipped for an interrogation interview.“Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying, Haz.”He smiles and nods, slowly. He knows his sister means well, and he appreciates her for that for all it’s worth, but he wishes so badly that he could avoid whatever this is — this whole feeling bad for him thing. It makes him feel so very small, having somebody else worry for him in a way that makes him feel like he is unable to care for himself.The rest of the lunch carries on awkwardly and there isn’t really much to say other than that. His sister was doing splendidly in her career, but that was nothing new, and they ended up saying their goodbyes before either of them saw it coming.He feels grateful as well as guilty when he says goodbye.….Harry is shuffling about in the apartment one morning, preparing himself a morning smoothie, when he hears a knock at the door.Out of all of the people he was expecting to visit, the last he planned to see through the little peephole was Colin, but there he was.Harry squinted out through the little hole and he saw him with his hands crammed into the pockets of his jeans, hair styled up in a quiff, fidgeting as he waited at the door.It’s a vision he never expected to see, and he almost wonders if he should feel worried, but goes and opens the door, deciding not to worry about it.The door creaks to the side and Harry props his body against it, looking at Colin with a propped brow.“Cheers, mate”, he says.Colin gives him a hurried once over before nodding three times, looking Harry’s way.“Look, Harry, mate, I know it’s odd and maybe a bit rude of me to pop by uninvited but I’ve got a favor to ask. Of you.”He’s got a tightlipped smile that never quite reaches his eyes sitting plainly on his lips and he toys with his fingers the entire time he talks.Harry’s still not sure what he makes of this all, and he fights with the decision of whether or not he should invite Colin in.Harry nods anyways, says, “ehm, sure, mate. What can I do for you?”Colin looks sheepish then, almost like he’s not actually looking forward to any of this, or maybe like he wasn’t expecting to get this far, Harry’s not sure which.“Well, I’ve got work all day. Meetings until late. Anyways, Louis’ feeling poorly. I feel shite I won’t be able to check on him.”Harry nods then, understanding.“Do you want me to pop by the house, Colin?”, he asks.“I think it could help”, he replies, and then he’s telling Harry where the spare is and well, there are his morning plans then.Colin doesn’t stay long. It’s almost an after thought of a visit, really, but it strikes Harry in a way that has him headed round to Louis’ almost as soon as he departs.…Harry grabs the key under the potted plant tucked off on the far side of the porch, making his way into the house, small pharmacy bag in hand, prepared to offer up water and acetaminophen as way of greeting.The very moment he enters the house, it hits him and he knows he shouldn’t have came.Louis’ sweet, intoxicating aroma is wafting through the air, but this time the strength of it is tenfold, overwhelming every one of his senses.For a moment, Harry cannot remember why he came, standing in the foyer, dumbed from the heady feeling of it all.“Darling? Colin?”, he hears a raspy, broken voice call out.And he almost doesn’t hear it, but it’s Louis, so of course he does.He makes his way further into the house and he knows he should turn around and leave. He really should just go home. Instead, he clambers further into the house, wrapping himself in the haze.He sees the bedroom, as well as smells Louis in it, sweeter than usual, thick in the air.The door hangs open, ajar, and he spots Louis before Louis spots him. The boy is spread across his bed looking every bit broken and spent. His hair is disheveled. His cheeks are flushed. He’s got one hand splayed across his heaving chest as he lay, nude, cock twitching between his legs, lying in a pool of still-fresh cum.He looks beautiful and he smells even better.Harry growls, and he doesn’t even realize he does, just feels it tear through his chest, sounding out menacingly through the room.Louis is quick, however. His fight or flight kicks in from the sound alone, not even bothering to gather his senses together to put a name to the sound of the growl, flying across the room and slamming the door shut, flicking the lock, and pushing his body weight against the door, as an added level of protection.He hears a knock against it.“Who is it?”, he calls out through the doorway, voice shaky. “Colin?”Harry lets a weird, throaty little noise escape his lips and he can’t help himself, he’s not sure why he was invited here.As soon as he had seen Louis, falling apart on the bed, it had all made sense. Louis was having his heat. He was right smack dab in the middle of it — so why had Colin sent him?“Louis, it’s me”, he grunts out. It’s all he can manage, and he really hopes it’s enough for Louis to decipher, right now.Surprise colors his voice when he responds.“Harry?!”, he gasps.“Yeah, I— I was coming cause Colin said you were home sick and… I wanted to check on you, I— you’re in heat,” he says, and then finally, “you’re in heat. Fuck.”Harry stumbles over every one of his words, like he still can’t seem to organize his thoughts, and he really should have been out the door a long time ago. The second he entered, really.The smell of Louis’ slick infiltrates the air steadily and Louis is asking him, “How’d you get in?”“Colin told me where the spare was.”Louis blinks at that, slow and surprised, and it’s hard to pinpoint what he’s thinking about as he does.“He did?”He’s slow and methodical as he talks — careful, almost.Harry nods slowly, says, “Said I should pop by while he was at work. I wanted to talk to you after what happened the other day, and he said you were all right, but I needed to see. I need to see.”It takes him awhile to get it all out, sentences forming slowly in his head as his brain tries to compensate for the overwhelming need clouding over.Louis continues to breathe in these large, heaving breaths, trying to suck in as much air as he possibly can.“Colin told you that you could pop by while he was at work? Today?”“Yes.”“And told you where the spare key was?”“Yes.”It’s quiet behind the door way, then, save for a few shuffles and then the door is ticking as it’s unlocked, door swinging open.Louis’ naked in front of him, blanket pulled around his body haphazardly, and his entire upper body is flushed. His caramel hair is sticking out in every direction, and he’s panting as he looks at Harry, biting away at his lower lip and pushing his thighs together, failing to keep slick from leaking down.Harry feels as if he were to look at himself in a mirror right now, he wouldn’t be able to recognize who he sees. His eyes would probably blink back at him, blacker than ink, and he wonders if he’d like what he sees staring back.He feels the bag he had wound up in his hands clatter to the floor, and his senses have all gone haywire— every last urge in his body begging for him to get his hands, and scent, all over Louis.“Fuck”, he hisses, his voice nearly shot, and he feels his eyes grow even wider as he does, taking in even more of his surroundings. “Louis.”Louis stumbles backwards, whimpering as he does, trying to find his footing as he puts up a weak attempt of warding Harry off, but it’s half-hearted. They both know Louis had made his decision the moment he opened the door.“Yeah”, he’s whimpering back, and Harry can’t do anything but groan.It’s like Louis gains his clarity in bits and pieces, body succumbing to its every wish, while his brain battles back, slowly, working overtime to do so.“Harry. No, Harry—“Harry hisses, and he’s making his way further into the room without even trying, Louis making his way back as he does, stumbling back until his thighs hit the bed.“Don’t say my name like that, then”, he hisses at the boy, still intoxicated, and he’s breathing in Louis’ scent at an increased rate, doing everything he can to suck as much of it out of the room as he can, and into his nostrils, his lungs, his being. He wants to be completely taken over by it, really. He’s not sure any amount of it could ever be enough.He’s too far gone in the moment. Far, far too into it. “Don’t open the door naked like that, then, you fucking—”Louis is whimpering, endlessly, backing up even still, until he’s got his body almost on the bed, and Harry can feel the need radiating off of him, body warm and flushed, scent thick and powerful. He’s whiny and he’s hard and every single part of him is begging to be taken. He needs it. His body is begging for it.You fucking want it,” Harry tells him, and his voice is low and dark, lost in the heat of it all, “you do, I can smell it on you.”“Harry—“, Louis starts, but then he is turning himself over onto his stomach, crawling towards the head of the bed, reaching towards the headboard, and Harry is grabbing onto his ankles, on instinct, keeping him from moving further.He pulls him back towards him and Louis is clawing at the sheets now, thrashing and causing a scene the way Harry will always expect when it comes to him. “Fuckin’ hell, fuck- what are you-“He’s yelling, and Harry doesn’t say a thing, just pulls his hips back towards him, bending him over so that he is bent over the foot of the bed with his face snug in the mattress.There is slick dripping down the backs of his thighs, pooling at the crease of his arse, and trailing idly down onto his balls.He’s absolutely messy with it, and he looks better than Harry’s ever seen him. He’s got his hands on Louis’ thighs before he knows it, sliding his hand down the entirety of each of them before trailing his fingers up, and then down his spine.He lets his fingers pick up the slick as they make their way up and down Louis’ body, going until he’s swiped the majority of it away.When he’s done, he leans down, moving to gather the remnants with his tongue, making his way down Louis’ spine slowly and teasingly, curling his tongue as he gathers it up, sucking the skin dry of it, and when he makes his way back up towards Louis’ neck, he nips at it, breathing him in the entire time he does.He splays the entire weight of his body over Louis, covering him in a way that is equal parts intoxicating and primal, biting into his shoulder as he molds their bodies into one.Harry begins fiddling with his belt, needing more, and Louis seems to have one of those moments of clarity again, starts to babble incoherently, weakly saying, “wait, fuck, I-“, trailing off as Harry proceeds.“Lay still”, he grunts, still toying with it. “Fuck, you smell— fuck. Fuck, I can’t think.”And he can’t. It’s really, really too much. Louis’ in the midst of his heat, and he’s practically writhing beneath him, mind fighting what his body cannot. And suddenly he’s got his cock out, heavy and angry red as it hung between them, and he’s poking it at Louis’ hole, teasing him by poking the head in with barely any force at all, Louis’ body already open for it, waiting.“Harry—“Harry’s already dicking in, just a little— feeling the warm heat envelop him in everything he’s been on the verge of pleading for, for the last eternity. Or, so it feels.Louis’ whining into the mattress and it’s all he can do to say, “Say… say no”, biting against Louis’ shoulder as he does, “say no to me if you don’t—“And he knows it will be the hardest thing he ever had to do, pulling out of the most inviting heat he’s ever known, but he will. Fuck, he’ll have to. But Louis pushes his arse back onto him, instead, his head pushing past the first ring of muscle.“Fuck,” Harry’s hissing, and he grabs him by both of his hips, dropping his forehead down to rest between Louis’ shoulderblades, trying to force the rest of his massive cock in, needing to be closer, closer, closest.“Okay, okay. Come on, then, open up now, let me in.”Louis’ panting hard, both from the relief he feels as well as the weight of Harry against him, still molded to him from behind. He’s biting into the sheets and Harry is grabbing both his arse-cheeks, pulling them apart, and digging around his wet hole.Harry really can’t stand it any longer.He lets out a whiny, exasperated little grunt, lifting off of the boy beneath him before taking him by the hips and driving all the way back in, making sure to get deeper, still.Louis is screaming into the bed, incessantly and Harry feels his knot getting thicker, Louis slapping around beneath him, hitting at the sheets and at the base of his back as he feels Harry swollen inside him.Harry leans over Louis then, slowing his thrusts to a more steady rhythm, rocking his hips into him methodically, searching to please them both.It works well— Louis adjusting to the feel of it, beginning to loosen up his body and moan into it, rather than just grunt and whine.Harry wishes he could say he was gentle, but every primal urge he’s currently feeling is getting the better of him. His thrusts are forceful, the framework of the bed snapping against the walls with each one, and Louis is a babbling mess beneath him, barely able to keep up with the stimulus of it all.When Louis finally comes, he comes hard— biting the sheets beneath him as he shakes and sobs into his release.Harry knots him, again— there really wasn’t a chance of him passing the opportunity up, and he bites at Louis’ shoulder as he does, linking his arms around Louis’ hips so as to keep his bum resting firmly against his pelvis, keeping them closer, even now.Louis’ stomach grows rounder and rounder, from the sheer amount of Harry’s release and Harry cannot help but to grunt at the thought, pride and pleasure swelling in his chest.This might be the greatest feeling he’s ever felt — even better than the last time. Immensely so, the absence of Colin being a godsend for Harry’s hormone-addled mind, and it almost hurts — the fact he’s not able to be fully present. He’s too far gone in the lust and the pheromones; in the knotting and in Louis’ heat.He gone absolutely stupid from how plainly and wonderfully good Louis feels beneath him, and he doesn’t realize he’s still biting onto him until Louis is slapping at him, screaming as he does.“Stop! Stop, you’re hurting me, you fucking idiot!”Immediately, Harry stops, mouth falling slack from his shoulder, the sound of Louis’ pain ripping him from his reverie.His knot is still spurting thick loads of come up Louis’ arse and he pants as he does, feeling a little less disoriented, and a lot more apologetic.“Fuck… fuck, shit. I’m sorry, Lou”, he says, and he means it. He does. His instincts are what they are — he cannot change them, but he can work with them, and do his very best to meet them while not managing to hurt the boy who looks so pretty underneath him.Louis is thumbing over the bite, drawing his finger through the line of moisture near the area, as if to investigate, and Harry moves forward, using his nose to nudge his fingers away, taking a look himself.“Didn’t draw any blood”, he says, upon looking, deciding he was okay with what he saw. “I’m sorry.”Louis sighs, dropping his face into the mattress, the two of their bodies still tied together.“I’m sorry,” Harry says again, and he moves to kiss the bitemark, licking at it gently, hands running up and down Louis’ sides, careful, “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry. Not just for the bite, I mean, I don’t usually— I don’t… I don’t know what came over me. Did I hurt you?”Louis doesn’t answer for a minute, but when he does, he says, “no, i’m alright”, and Harry hopes he’s telling the truth.Harry’s brain seems to be on the verge of working again, being that he seems to be able to think clearly, again, and he’s suddenly very aware of the fact that he’s not even got his clothes off, jeans bunched up halfway down his thighs, and he’s sweating profusely from the red hoodie still adorning his upper half.It’s a bit pathetic, in a way, that they’re tied and he’s not even got his jeans halfway down his arse. So, he says so, chuckling drily when he does.“Shouldn’t have knotted me, could’ve just zipped yourself and dashed”, Louis says.“Could still dash,” Harry points out, “I’d have to leave my entire penis here with you, though.” What a shame.“But then you’re worth nothing, innit,” Louis mutters, “without your massive knot-rod”, and it’s a joke, but the irony is there, it so is, Harry feels it ringing loudly through the air.“Aw shit, I forgot that part”, he decides to say, and laughs because he’s had to come to accept it, “Fiddlesticks!”“Oh my god, do not ever say fucking ‘fiddlesticks’ while you’re still inside me,” Louis groans, and Harry barks another laugh then, this one genuine.They stay like that for a bit, with Louis on his knees, bent over the bed, and Harry bent over him. After a minute or so, it gets too uncomfortable for them both, however, and Harry somehow manages to maneuver them up onto the bed and into a spooning position.“I feel really exposed,” Louis says, while Harry is trailing his fingers up his naked stomach, still ninety percent clothed himself, “get the covers, would you?”Harry chuckles softly and wraps them up together, getting them even closer than they were before and he wraps his arms entirely around Louis, basking in his embrace. It isn’t long before he’s grinding into him again, getting him hard too, and then he’s pulsing hotly up in to Louis, again, setting him off, his own dry little spurts shooting up his stomach.“I’m sorry,” he says again afterwards, mouth at the nape of Louis’ neck, “that wasn’t as bad as the first time, was it?”“Wasn’t bad the first time”, Louis responds.It feels better than he’d ever admit to hear.Instead, he chooses to nuzzle into the back of Louis’ head, breathing in the scent lingering in his hair.“I know it must’ve hurt”, he decides to say, finally, because he knows it had to.Louis had made a career of being vocal about having never experienced sexual encounters with alpha individuals and here Harry was, for the first time, taking him, roughly, over and over, on his heat.It was different from the time before. This time, everything was far more primal.He knows it had to hurt, so he has to say something.Louis doesn’t seem to mind, anyways.“Isn’t it supposed to? Just, a bit?”Harry frowns. That’s one way to look at it, and well, he supposes there is some truth to it. Not entirely, though. He could’ve taken his time, made it even the tiniest bit better, but he hadn’t.In the back of his mind, he feels ashamed about it, that he hadn’t taken his time. It’s the same part of him that bothers with whether or not Louis still smells like him, and the same part that had to come by Louis’ house for a check-in the moment he heard he was feeling sickly.“I was too rough”, is all he ends up saying. “Impatient.”Louis looks at him then and for a moment it feels a lot more intimate than it ever ought to, at least for Harry. He reaches over and he grabs Harry’s arm in his and he draws it in closer to him, making it so that Harry is holding him tightly to his chest.He nuzzles his face into Harry’s arms, seemingly content.“Doesn’t matter”, he says, “what matters, on the other hand, is the fact that my husband told you to come here while he was at work, letting you know to just let yourself in the with the spare-key, full well knowing I was in heat and you were an alpha.”And, well, that does help, what with the moment feeling too intimate and all.Harry hums. “What do you make of it?”, he asks.“I make of it, dickhead, that he wanted us to play scrabble and drink orange-juice boxes together.”“Well, then he should’ve known I would’ve rebelled against the plan,” Harry says dryly, “everyone knows I’m an apple-juice kind of guy.”Louis elbows him in the gut in response to which Harry laughs, rolling him face-down into the mattress and filling him again and again.He’s not sure why Colin’s decided to let him have this, but he thinks he could stay here forever, filling Louis, marking him as his own, and he also knows he may not get to, so when he feels Louis cry out against him, he relishes in the way it feels, allowing it to overwhelm every last one of his senses.
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Harry continues to help Louis through the worst of his heat, fucking him into the mattress, coming into him over and over, until they’re both exhausted and sore with it.He relishes in it, as tired as he is. He’s not sure how long he gets to have this, and it feels a lot like something he should store into his memory, saving it for later, because maybe that’s all he’ll have.After about the fifth time, they both call it quits, too spent from the first five times to go any more and Louis is so full of come that his stomach is bulging with it, and once again, there’s that mental image— the one of Louis all pretty and small, but this time with a swollen belly, all full of Harry’s pups.He’s not sure how he feels— each time he sees it, and really, that’s reason enough for him to make sure it doesn’t come to fruition.When they’ve finished, they lay there in the bed together and they don’t say much, but they cuddle up close, Harry licking and kissing at the array of bruises littered up and down Louis’ skin, little reminders of what had transpired between them.Once again, it’s all too intimate, and every time it feels that way, Harry can’t help but to feel he should pull away— like he has to keep some sort of emotional distance from it all, for himself. For his sanity, if nothing else.His knot is finally going down and he is able to pull out, so he does.Louis winces as he does, whether it be because it actually hurts having Harry pull out or from the lack of having Harry near, he’s not sure, but he rubs against Louis’ ribs as he does anyways, helping them both to unravel as well as get comfortable.Louis scoots back, almost as if to get closer as soon as he tries to separate them, searching out both Harry’s warmth as well as his protection, even still.It feels nice, even though Harry knows it’s nothing short of hormonal, just instinct, really.He chuckles anyways, digging his nose into Louis’ hair and breathing him in deep.Louis mumbles happily as he does, continuing to reach back, wrapping Harry’s arms around him further, doing everything he can to make sure they are one with each other.It just keeps piling up, one after the other, the list of things Louis does that are ridiculously cute, even too much so, to the point where Harry just has to get away, he really does, before it all begins to cave in on himself, and he lands himself exactly where he knew he was going to the moment he got involved in all of this in the first place.So, he extracts himself, moving to get up and off the bed, no matter how extraordinarily difficult it is to do so.He makes to find his clothes, belt buckle jingling as he does it up, and as bone-tired as Louis is, from his heat and everything that came along with it, that is enough for Louis to pull his head up, snapping it up to look at Harry as if he’s a little confused by what he’s seeing.“Heeey”, he whines. “You leaving?”Harry can’t even bring himself to look up, just gives Louis a little “yeah”, voice hoarse.Louis looks around, at Harry as well as over to the clock, and fidgets with the sheets beneath him.“Oh, you didn’t have to go already, if— I mean. There’s no rush.”And it hurts, it really does, because Harry knows he really does want him to stay, and that somehow doesn’t make it any better.“Well, uhm,” Harry says, and he turns around and leaves the room without another word, because he really does have to go, but he would love to give Louis what he brought him— before any of this even happened.“Harry?”, Louis calls out and Harry comes rushing back in. “Yeah”, Harry says, a little breathless, “Sorry I’d just remembered I brought this.”““What is it?”, Louis asks, sitting up fully now. “S’it a present?”Harry doesn’t answer, just smiles to himself andholds up the bag he had brought in earlier that had clattered to the floor in his haste to get to Louis, and in it he pulls out an iPhone, brand new, that he’d tucked away within it.“Colin said you smashed your phone,” Harry says with a shrug, handing it over and Louis takes the box from his hands, looking it over. “It’s the newest one, I think.”Louis turns the untouched box over in his hands a few times, then chuckles and reaches out to hand it back. “Harry, you’re not giving me a fucking iPhone.”Harry takes the box back. “I didn’t even pay for it,” he says, putting it down on Louis’ nightstand, “you don’t understand how much shit I get sent and given for free fucking constantly. I have, like, seventeen unopened iPad’s just lying in a bag at home to give to people.”Louis bites his lip, looking the box over again.Finally, he decides to keep it, choosing to take Harry at his word, he supposes.“Thank you then”, he says, around a smile.Harry smiles back, pressing his thumbs into his pockets and leaning back, awkwardly trying to go about his departure.“Anyway, I better go”, he says, sheepish.Louis tries to prolong him from leaving, again. He says, “you don’t have to”, even tells him that “we can just hang out or something”, that “considering what we did, I doubt Colin would mind of all things”, and Harry wonders if Louis is aware how much it stings when he does.Harry chuckles. “It’s all right,” he says, “I’ve got to meet with a couple friends in a bit, so.”“Oh.” Louis smiles, nodding. “Okay, well… thanks for the phone, anyway. Really, it’s too much.”“It’s nothing.” He means it. It isn’t, and with that, Harry hitches his bag up, nods, and then turns toward the door, but stops in the middle of it, turning around again. “Uhm…”“Yeah?”, Louis asks, fidgeting with the new phone, seemingly trying to get it out of its packaging.Harry can’t help himself.“I know you don’t like me asking about it, but like, fuck— yeah. Uhm,” he grins, a little sheepishly and tries to throw a hand through his hair. His fingers stop less than an inch in, because Louis’ fucked it up so much while they were fucking. “Anyway, I can pop down now and get some morning after pills for you, if… uhm— cause you took some last time, didn’t you?”“Yeah,” Louis tells him, “yeah, I’ve actually got a few left over so you don’t have to worry about it, I’ll take them.”Harry nods, hesitantly. “Do you want me to stay round and take them with you or—”“What the fuck would you be taking them for?” Louis snaps, and Harry doesn’t really understand. He’s not sure why Louis gets so hostile, talking about this. It’s not like it was something so wrong for him to ask about— let alone put pressure on. It was a big thing— pregnancy, and Harry wasn’t interested in taking any chances in its regard.“Fuck off now, mate, you’ve had your fun. And don’t give me that look, if you were that fuckin’ worried about it, you’d have worn a condom. And didn’t you have some friends to meet with? Or was that just an excuse to get out soon as you were done?”Louis is mean when he says it. His lips wrap around each word like tendrils of venom, shooting past his lips and into Harry’s heart. They hurt, and Harry is just a bit confused, eyebrows knitting together, looking at Louis as if he’s been punched in the gut.The only positive of it all is it makes it a lot easier leaving.He sets his lips into a flat line and gives Louis a final look.“I’ll be off, then”, he tells him.And then he’s gone.…Harry’s angry on the drive home, and he wonders if he has any right to be.It dawns on him, as he’s driving, that he really needs to catch a break. He needs some kind of clarity, not having found much of it since he’d been back, and it was a little disheartening.He’s calling Cara before he knows it — the only person back in Los Angeles whom he thinks truly understands him— from how his mind works to the way he responded to certain things. No matter what, Cara had always known what to say, and she’d always been around.The other line rings twice before she answers and when she does, she’s chipper and melodic as she always is and it’s almost a relief — hearing her voice.“Hazzzzz!”He chuckles, drily, mumbles into the phone, “Hey, Care.”Of course, she wants to know what he’s doing. She wants to know why he’s calling.It’s a plethora of information that Cara takes on, during that phone call, but she does it with such enthusiasm in her voice, hanging onto every word.She’s genuine when she butts in, commenting here and there, giving him advice at all of the parts he’d hoped she would.And she doesn’t judge him — not when he tells her he’s sleeping with a married man or when he tells her that he cares about said man— way, way, way too much. Cara doesn’t even judge him when he tells her that he’d done all of this knowing what would happen and knowing how he’d feel, having gotten over these feelings years and years ago before, having trouble with it then, when he’d not even done anything with Louis then.He feels relieved, when he’s done speaking, and it’s a welcome feeling — one he’s not sure he’s felt recently.“Oh, Harry”, she gushes, when he’s through, wistful and sympathetic, and she says it in a way that shows just how sorry she is for him without making him feel badly about it, and that’s the best part.“You mean a lot to me”, he tells her. Because she does, and sometimes it’s just good to know that there’s somebody who cares.They end up talking for another hour, Harry ending up sitting in the driveway long after he’d parked at the lads’ place.And as they hang up, he does so with an actual plan, to visit Los Angeles, and it was Cara’s idea, but he thinks it’s a good one.She kept mentioning that he had said, at least a dozen times, while speaking to her, that when everything started to be getting to be a little too much, while he was with Louis, he felt like he needed to go. So, she suggested he should, for a little while.The lads wouldn’t mind. He knew it, and she knew it, reminding him. And it would be good to get an eye on things back home, or home of sorts anyways, back in LA.Best yet, he’d be away from it all, and it would help him to clear his head, as well as be able to look at everything with a bit more perspective.“The bigger picture, H, the bigger picture”, Cara had kept saying, and he hopes that he’ll see it, if he goes.It seems kind of silly, to run away from his new problems by running back to his old ones, but he will take whatever excuse he can get right now, just to breathe.So he tells her that he’ll see her in a few days as he hangs up and he immediately books a one-way flight to Los Angeles, heading out first thing in the morning.Harry gathers his belongings then, moving to get out of his car, finally, and heads up to see the lads.They’re all home when he gets there, and it’s actually a little surprising. As much of a unit as the lads were, it was a rarity, them all having corresponding schedules, and Harry almost felt sad to tell them he was buggering off for a bit— like he would ruin the atmosphere of it all.He tells them anyways, figuring he kind of has to, and they’re not even a little surprised, and he’s not sure how that should make him feel.In a way, he’s grateful. He’s always glad to not upset his mates, but he’s also a bit sad, secretly hoping they would miss his presence, or nag at him to stick around, at least a little.He tells them he’ll be back soon, that it’s temporary and they respond positively to that, and Harry feels a bit better.…They eat large amounts of Chinese takeout that night, watching movies and laughing, enjoying each other’s company before Harry’s flight in the morning.And it’s not weird anymore, between them— the whole “final night in town” thing — because it’s not new. Harry’s been dipping in and out of town for a long time now. It stopped being difficult a while ago, and they all know it, but they revel in the familiarity of it all anyways — hating the goodbye, but loving the sense of knowing there will always be a return.
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Harry’s flight is the next morning and he is reminded just how much he loves airports.He loves the hustle and bustle of them all, as well as the ever-changing multitude of faces that surrounded him while there.Sometimes, when he was on tour, dipping in and out of airports from day to day, he liked to people watch. He made a whole ordeal of it, going and grabbing himself a nice coffee from one of the airport shops and sipping it as he surveyed the area around him, carefully taking in the faces of those nearby.He would try to piece their stories together — thinking to himself: where might they be going? What’s their final destination? Who are they visiting? Are they happy? Are they stressed or are they excited? Visiting family? A boyfriend? It’s all a mystery, and he gets to write each of their stories for himself, because he’ll never really know.He wonders if people ever look to him and do the same, or if they recognize him immediately. Some of them, he knows do. He can see it in their bulging eyes when they see him but are too afraid to approach, and he sees it in the ones who aren’t, ambling up to him to ask for a photo.He waits, in his plush little airport lounge chair, with his watered-down airport coffee, and he’s an enigma, but so is everybody else, and that’s how he likes it best, he thinks.His flights not for another hour, and he feels antsy.It’s always been one of his most annoying habits, he’d say. Arriving to the airport far too early. But he’s here now, and he taps his feet, thumbing away at the random games he had downloaded onto his iPhone during various bouts of boredom, and ultimately the time does fade away, his flight being called, and him boarding before he knows it, and then he’s in LA.For the first time in a long time, he’s there and he doesn’t immediately want to get away.….Cara meets him later that night, at one of their favorite sushi bars.It’s been far too long since he’d seen her last, and he almost forgot the little things, like the lingering notes of mint in her Alpha scent, or the way her laugh carried through an entire room, loud and clear.When they hug, he realizes how much he’s missed her, the weight of it all settling between them, and he squeezes her tight, almost afraid to let go.He does, eventually, squeezing her bicep twice before moving to sit beside her at the bar, turning the menu over in his hands.The two of them had eaten here a hundred times, and they both already knew what they were going to order.They ordered the same thing every time, so he’s not sure why he’s looking over the menu now, like it’s his first time and he’s curious to see what’s in store.Cara notices, because of course she does. She jabs him hard in the ribs with one of her pointy nails.He rubs over the area after, only a little dramatic.“You were right, Care”, he tells her. “I think I did need to come back.”She looks smug then.“Told ya.”He rolls his eyes then.“I never thought I’d visit LA and feel like it’s a good thing I did”, he admits.Their waitress walks up then, and his admissions weighs heavily in the air.They order their drinks, as well as their food, and when the waitress walks off, he expects the moment to have faded away, but instead Cara looks to him and says, “whys that?”His eyebrows knit together, confused, and she jabs him again.“LA”, she reminds him. “Why would visiting never be good?”“I’m not sure”, he admits. He’s never allowed himself to think about it, really. It was just a feeling. “Guess I’ve always just felt out of place here.”“We all do”, she says, and in a way, it helps.….The next few days are spent catching up with all of his friends in LA, as well as checking in on the life he’d left behind.He had never quite considered California home, but there was a lot there he loved.So many of his closest friends in the industry were there, and it was good being able to reunite with them— catching up as if no time had passed.Additionally, his house was there.His gaudy, obnoxious, multi-million dollar mansion of a house.It almost made him sick to think about it, and that in itself felt like a joke.He felt it was depressing— a house so big with nobody to fill it other than himself, and he hated being in it.The loneliness echoed off of the walls and it was all just so overwhelming, being there.But, he had to check on it.He made Cara pop by with him when he did, both of them wandering around the too-quiet space awkwardly.“You really ought to try and liven the place up a bit, Harry, really”, Cara tells him.The look she gives him tells him that’s it’s plainly obvious that this is his problem.“What do you mean?”“Your house, Harry— no wonder you hate it”, she shrugs, popping a piece of gum into her mouth and chewing it loudly, “it’s barren in here. Make it more you. Do something.”And she’s right, he knows she is, but he never got around to it, really.A part of him had always felt wrong, he guesses, decorating a house that didn’t feel like a home.….Louis texts him a few days later.It’s the first he’s spoken to him since he’d yelled at him about taking the birth control that day, and all he says is he’s taken it, now.Harry doesn’t respond.…Harry ends up staying for a couple more weeks, and it’s nice.By the end of it, he actually feels refreshed, and he makes a mental note to thank Cara, being that that was sort of the whole point.He had gotten a lot of lyric writing done whilst on his getaway, and he was feeling more inspired than he had in a long while.In a way, Harry almost felt sad to leave LA behind again, but he was excited to get back to the lads, missing them terribly.He really hadn’t spent enough time with them. Not yet.He books his flight back and he texts the lads...Harry is at the airport, positioned in one of those cushy airport chairs again, waiting for his flight to be called, and he brilliantly decides to text Louis, after having so carefully avoided him for the last few weeks.He can’t say it’s his best move, but he figures it can’t hurt— not if he keeps more of a guard up.So he texts Louis back, responding to his message from all those weeks ago.
Harry: waiting in airport bored :( how are you?
He blames the boredom. As well as himself, really, because once again it’s him getting to the airport far too early, his over preparedness striking hot.His phone dings.
Louis: who the fuck is this? Please stop constantly texting me.
Harry decides to play along, texting back quickly.Harry: I’m reading a shit book right now.
Louis: k
Harry sends back a photo of said shit book, a copy of Louis’ own, highlighting a particular paragraph from it.‘When I tell people I’ve never been with an alpha before, one of the most common responses I get is; ‘well, then you can’t know you don’t like it’. I have omega friends who have never before had sex with a non-alpha and they are never asked anything of the sort. Their choices in partners are instantly accepted and never questioned, not because they genuinely mean what they say when they say they love who they’re with, but rather because they’ve been lucky enough to happen to love someone who fits society’s idea of who they’re supposed to love. Fact of the matter is, I can love my partner and know that I won’t ever want anybody else, and that shouldn’t be questioned just because I’m “supposed” to want someone of another breed.’
Harry: good stuff this
And then he sends the crying laughing emoji too, for good measure.And it’s not like he’s trying to stir the pot, per se, but he had been perusing the racks of the airport convenience shop when he’d seen it— Louis’ book, and well, the opportunity presented itself.It was then when he had first started thinking of Louis again, and he stupidly bought it, flipping through the pages, and really, it was good stuff.Louis was brilliant, truly. He was so intelligent with some amazing insight, shown over and over again in his book, but well. Some things, he couldn’t help but to have a good laugh about.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Harry is welcomed back to the U.K. with what’s come to be an expected radio silence from Louis, and in a way, he’s extremely grateful.It had been self-sabotage, reaching out to Louis while bored at the airport, especially when the only reason he was at said airport was because he had been trying to escape his feelings from Louis in the first place.The way Harry had been handling this entire situation was arse-backwards and he knew, desperately, that he had to do better, if there was any chance at all of him coming out of this whole ordeal relatively unscathed.It was a good thing. He decided to see it as a good thing— a sign, if you will.Clearly the universe did not believe that a few weeks in LA was enough for Harry to clear his heart of all its shackles the boy was sneaking around it, and the universe would be right, really, considering no number of years had ever helped Harry’s case before.The lads were happy to have him back, at any rate, and so wereNick and Ed, his two other best mates in the city.All he needed was them, really. He didn’t need a sweet little omega who smelled like vanilla and was married. No. He really, really didn’t.….Harry coughed,spluttering as the smoke from the spliff hit his lungs, inhaling deeply before he exhaled, passing the joint off to Nick, who was sat across from him.Nick and Ed started up a chorus of laughs, poking fun at Harry for getting choked up on what they considered “a tiny baby hit, lad”.Harry shook his head, nabbing it back from Nick, just for being sassy, taking another hit before sticking his tongue out at his two friends.And it felt easy— moments like these, when Harry felt like he could just get trapped in them, staying in the moment forever, using it like a little bubble so that he will always be caught in something good— in the sound of his friends laughter or one of his really good jokes. Life would be simpler, then.He coughs again and looks around sheepishly. Maybe he had smoked too much, after all.Ed takes a long hit, coughing himself, despite all his shit talking, before going to pass it back to Harry.“I’ll sit this go out, mate”, Harry says, passing it back off to Nick who grins and sticks his tongue between his teeth and says, “more for meee.”They sit like this for a while, the three of them, music playing softly in the background, the sound of the night buzzing away in a way that’s so familiar that they never notice it, not really.They tell stories— whatever comes to mind.Nick tells them of his first proper girlfriend, whom had found out he fancied stockings in the bedroom and had popped by the store and gotten Christmas stockings for them to play with before realizing it wasn’t the same thing, back in Secondary School.They all laugh, at the absurdity of it all, or maybe just because they’re high, who really knows? And it’s great.Harry missed this while he was away on tour, the feeling of being able to sit back and have a smoke with his proper mates, basking in the sweet simplicities that we all come to take for granted.He makes a note then, to be thankful everyday, for this as well as everything he has right now— the lads, the loft, this, even Louis, what little he has of him, because these are those sweet simplicities and maybe he’s getting too comfortable.All of this is feeling a little too close to normal for him and after all, this is all temporary. There’s other legs of Tour around the corner and well, he doesn’t know how long he has this for, so he’s going to choose to enjoy it— every bit of it, for every second that he does.….It is almost a month after he gets back, the first time he sees Louis again.As usual, he smells him before he sees him, being greeted by little Betty sprinting into the room to say hello, before Louis even enters the room.Harry bends down, scratching at her excitedly, behind the ears particularly, baby-talking her the entire time he does, Betty wagging her tail excitedly.“Hey, mate,” Harry says, smiling up at Louis quickly as he enters the room, before Betty bites his finger for not giving her attention for one single second, “I’ve missed you, girl, yes I have, yes I have, I’ve missed you, you little grrrrr…. grrr…”Louis walks away, potentially mumbling a return “hello” back but Harry’s not sure.“What are we watching?”, he asks Liam, instead.Liam turns to face Louis, having been staring at the TV half asleep from the couch prior.“The Jigsaw Thingies”, he replies.Zayn groans exasperatedly. “Saw, Liam. Just Saw. Not Jigsaw, not hacksaw, not bloody bearclaw. Just Saw.”“Jesus Christ, relax, it’s the same thing.”“It’s not the fucking same, Liam, if it were they’d have called the movies Saw slash Jigsaw, but they fucking haven’t, have they?!”“Aaanyway,” Niall cuts through, smiling widely, “half-annual Saw-marathon today. Join.”Harry continues to scratch behind Betty’s ears as his mates bicker, trying to distract himself from how good Louis smells, and everything that his scent reminds him of.…They all fall asleep at some point or another, amidst the movie marathon, and Harry wakes to Zayn tugging on his ear while Niall flicked his curls about his face, annoying him out of his slumber.Harry slapped his hands about, aiming for his mates, before getting up.“Up and at em, lad”, Niall says, clapping him hard on the back.Harry groans, swiping a hand lazily down his face. “What for?”Zayn laughs then, elbowing Niall playfully.“Ni and I are popping down to the pub to meet some mates. You’re welcome to join if you’d like, but we’ll be bringing some take-out back either way.”Harry yawned again, long and drawn out as he nodded.“Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably hang here, then. I’m a bit knackered.”And he was. He had a subzero social battery currently, so going to the pub was out of the question.Neither of them seemed to mind— just asked him to see if Louis would still be there for dinner or not, so they’d know how much food to get, and to update them when he found out.They said their goodbyes shortly after and Liam was still up in his room asleep, leaving Harry bored, quick.Stupidly, Harry goes to find Louis, figures he’ll knock his one thing off his to-do list, but Louis is fast asleep, napping on the couch, and suddenly Harry is molding himself around Louis, cuddling into him as they lay.It’s not long before Louis wakes, stirring in his sleep before finally waking, but it’s nice while it lasts.Louis grunts as he wakes, looking around in a daze, seemingly confused, considering he reaches about, slapping at Harry’s arm when he feels it around him.“Just wanted to say,” Harry mutters behind him, “Niall and Zayn have left for the pub to meet with some friends, but they’re bringing back food for us after. We weren’t sure whether you were eating here or at home, but, like… yeah, so. You should text them not to buy for you if you’re going home for dinner.”Louis nods then, still barely lucid. Louis pulls himself up by the backrest of the couch in order to sit. “Where’s Liam?” he asks.“Gone to bed.”“Where’s Betty?”, he asks next.Harry taps at his phone, texting Nick back as he responds.“Went to sleep with Liam. She likes it between his legs. S’warm.” He grins at Louis then.Louis looks away but ultimately says, “I’ll eat here”, before fishing around, digging into the couch like a mad-man, muttering to himself, “where’d I put my bloody phone…”Harry steps back, nodding towards the coffee table where Louis’ phone lay still, and Louis looks sheepish, going to retrieve it from the spot it lay at in front of his face. If it were a snake it would’ve bit him, Harry thinks, chuckling to himself, the phrase reminding him of his mum.Louis hisses then, a sarcastic little “brilliant” under his breath, tossing it to the side.“What?”Louis waves the phone at him to show it’s dead and shrugs. “Wanted to tell Colin I was eating here, but… never mind.”He seems exhausted, Harry can hear it in the tone of his voice, and he feels sort of bad.“No, hey, you can borrow my charger”, he tells him, knowing what he’s really trying to do is comfort him— fix his problem for him in any way he can. It’s those blasted instincts again, and he really wishes they’d go away, but he decides to file his quick excuse to try and help as an act of good old fashioned friendship, instead. Denial felt best.“Oh. Cheers, mate.”“No worries”, Harry says, smiling at Louis then, l walking backwards toward the hall, says “come on, then”, nodding his chin up for Louis to follow.Louis frowns at him. “What do you mean?”“S’up in my room,” Harry says, “the charger. So. You have to come.” The crook of his mouth quirks up, he can feel it, and he arches his brows a little at Louis, too, just for good measure, “up to my room. To get it.”Louis doesn’t seem to mind too much, following him up the ladder and to his loft bedroom wordlessly, Harry going first, Louis having refused his offer to be the first to go on up.“Bloody hell, don’t you ever air out up here?”, he hears Louis gasp upon entering the room, but he’s too busy sifting through his large leather travel duffel, determined to put eyes on his spare charger he’d tucked away into it before his getaway to LA.“It’s in here somewhere”, he mutters, tongue poking out between his teeth as he searches, Louis making himself comfortable on his bed, to drive him crazy, Harry’s sure.He comes across Louis’ book first, instead, and really he can’t help himself, tossing it onto the carpet beside him overdramatically.“Not that”, he sighs, making sure to grab Louis’ attention, who is now investigating.“Ah, I see you’ve got better taste than I remembered,” Louis says around a smirk, and Harry chuckles back, revealing one of his crater like dimples for Louis, who moves to pick up the book, turning it over in his hands. “How’d you get hold of this?”Harry continues to play the game, saying,“Not very easily,” snorting before continuing, “can’t find it fuckin’ anywhere. It’s almost as if no one cares what this little fuckhole on legs has to say.Louis’ lips drop apart and Harry looks up at him, and feels like he has to clarify. “I’m kiidding,” he says, face breaking into a big grin, “Louis, they sell your book bloody everywhere, I picked it up at the airport..” He pulls the iPhone-charger out of the bag for Louis then, tossing it to him, “phone.”Harry holds his hand out for Louis to give him his phone and he does, handing the phone over silently, watching as Harry goes to plug it into his power-strip.Silence creeps up into the empty space around them and Harry can’t have that, so he throws Louis a bone, or at least that’s what he called it— flattery seeming too vulnerable of a word, telling Louis, “it’s not too bad, really.”Louis jolts then, attention grabbed, and looks at him, all wide eyed and beautiful and Harry continues.“Your book”, he clarifies, “I mean parts of it were— but your writing is just… not that I’d expected it to be shit, I mean I know how sharp your mind is, but still. Good read, yeah. Definitely. Nice airport-entertainment.”He knows he’s stumbling over his words and he tries not to let it show that he’s embarrassed, aiming to keep up even a fraction of the cool exterior he had spent so long developing these past few years.“Oh, fuck off,” Louis says, chucking the book at him, hitting him in the shoulder and Harry immediately starts rubbing at the ‘sore spot’, fake-moping, like Louis’ wounded him.He makes his over to the bed then, to sit next to Louis, who tries to scoot over so much so that he almost stumbles and falls off the mattress, tipping onto his stomach in order not to.Harry props his upper body against one of the many pillows decking out his bed then, staring at Louis a little too obviously, poking his tongue out to trail along his lips, just a little, as he does.“You tired still?”, he asks Louis, and his voice is too soft, too intimate. Again. It sounds foreign to his ears, but it’s undeniable, affection dripping from his voice, and he feels so vulnerable, all of a sudden, but Louis just hums, murmurs back, “a bit.”Harry hummed back, reaching out to pat Louis’ shoulder then, brushing his knuckles across the skin of Louis’ neck, allowing them to linger for only a moment, and hopes Louis doesn’t pick up on it. Some things could just be for him, he hoped, but then he’s sniffing his knuckles, catching Louis’ scent and making sure he still smells like him, again, and he figured that must be obvious. He kind of hopes it’s not.It is, though. Of course it is— he catches Louis’ eyes hanging onto his knuckles, still resting at his nostrils, and he knows that he knows.His mouth twitches nervously, seeing Harry notice him, and he arches a brow at him, almost to ask him what it was that he wants, and Harry shrugs, rasping out a quick little “whaaa’”, playing confused.Louis rolls his eyes at him, closing them once more, and Harry wonders if he’s trying to get away the same way Harry does— closing his eyes so it all fades away, clawing his way out of this moment that just so happens to be teetering on the verge of too much— the same way Harry feels the need to.It’s all closing in on him, and he knows it’s too late. Sometimes he just knows with Louis, when he’s gone too far, and he has, today. His instincts are kicking and screaming from the inside out, begging to scent him over and over, and it’s so easy to give in, is the thing.Harry’s prodding at Louis’ throat, over his jawline, pulling at Louis’ hoodie to reveal more of his skin, so he could have his scent crowding his senses, more and more. And the worst part is he’s not even subtle about it, fingers toying at Louis’ skin actively, Louis’ eyes still closed, folding their bodies together, wrapping them as one. Because he needs it— he needs to be close.Louis doesn’t open his eyes, but doesn’t try to stop him either, just lays there as Harry pokes and prods at his skin, eventually flattening his tongue against the side of his neck, licking all the way up to his temple.“You look cute in this hoodie”, Harry whispers to him, continuing to tug at it, knowing Louis’ awake, and knowing that he’s not stopping him because the truth is, as much as either of them deny it, that he needs Harry the same exact way he needs him, and Harry relishes in the fact.It feels almost empowering to know it.He presses his nose into the crook of Louis’ neck again, having tugged the hoodie over one of his shoulder blades.Louis whimpers beneath him, the first sign other than his heavy breathing that he was in the moment with Harry at all.He tilts his head back then, exposing his throat for Harry, and it was like a gift, being that it was what he’d been trying to get at all along.Harry groans, breathes him in and starts to lap at his skin, fast hungry licks up to the shell of his ear, down to his collarbones and then up again.“You haven’t been touched by one,” he says then, more to himself than Louis, then grunts, shifting on top of Louis, grabbing a hold of his jaw and looks down at him. “You haven’t, have you? You don’t smell like it. You haven’t been touched by any other alpha since—”He knows he has no right to ask and yet he’s powerless to stop it, rambling until he hears what he was searching for the entire time.“No”, Louis says.Harry growls, because that’s what he thought, and his Alpha instincts were elated to be right.“No”, he says, confirming what Louis had told him.He plants his hands onto Louis’ thighs then, running them down the expanse of them before spreading them a part, so that he can grind down into the boy beneath him.“No, you haven’t”, he says one final time.He’s so gone in it he’s not even trying to stop himself, surging down again to teethe at Louis’ neck, clawing at Louis’ back with need as he gets his legs locked around him, and then it hits him— what’s he’s doing, and he really hates it.It wasn’t the way he was raised— to be attempting to bed another man’s omega, when he’s not even around.He stops, suddenly, an incredibly difficult feat, looking at Louis seriously.“I don’t— what’s he say? Colin. Fuck, I want to—“, and he did, so very badly but, “—I don’t want… he’s such a nice guy.”Because Colin is. He always went along with everything that was transpiring between them, never having a complaint, or even a frown or a quirk of the brow— a hint that things actually weren’t as fine as they seemed.Louis whines at him, impatient, just as far gone as Harry still is.“Yeah”, he pants, “yeah yeah, it’s all right. It’s all right. He wants me to do. You. It’s all right, he said. If it’s just you. If it’s just sex.”Harry looks at him then, and can hardly believe it. The boy is whimpering beneath him, pawing at Harry in a needy sort of way, his chest is heaving, eyes glossy and black with lust. He is the prettiest Omega Harry’s ever seen and there’s no way.He knows it’s different— the possessiveness an Alpha has for their Omega versus the level a Beta would have— biology coming into play, but Colin was a Beta, not inhuman. He could see as well as Harry what a gem Louis was, biology aside— gorgeous and pliant and intelligent— all quick wit and charm. There’s no way he could see what Harry does and be okay with all of this— he would never understand it.“So, he’s okay with it?”, he asks again, eyes narrowed, and he really isn’t trying to be a bother— just needs to know for sure. For himself.Louis speaks like a run on sentence, jabbering until Harry stops him every time he does, overwhelmed with everything he’s feeling all at once.“Yeah. Yeah, he said you and I could. We could fuck. Yeah.”“Are you lying?”, he asks, and he knows he may end up compromising everything that lie ahead of him, with each question he’s asking, giving Louis plenty of time to think this through— to pull away and realize that hey, this is a bad idea— and secretly, he hopes Louis would take it, because he knows he never could.Harry knows that no matter what, if there’s the chance to have Louis, in any way, he’s taking it, and in that revelation alone, he realizes he’s sealed his fate.It’s a sick sort of thing— knowing what lies ahead of you before it ever has the chance to round the corner.He could see it from a mile away— the way he would be picking up the pieces from around him, as soon as he was back on tour, and the weight of all of this would really hit him.He’d know then what he’d known all along, even now— that Louis wasn’t going to choose him.He swallows again, and hopes Louis will take the out. Really hopes.Louis does get angry, and for a moment, Harry feels relief bubble up in his chest.He’s slapping at Harry’s chest, and he seems appalled Harry would accuse him of such, saying, “What?! no I’m not lying, you bloody idiot. Call him up and ask, he said it was okay,” he continues ranting, and when Harry’s gaze doesn’t soften towards him yet, he gets impatient, exclaiming that “you know what, never mind this. If you’re gonna look at me like that, makin’ me feel fuckin’ guilty about it, then I don’t want it anyway.”He pushes at Harry’s chest, but Harry just takes him by the wrists and presses them down into the mattress. “Hey,” he says, expression firm, “just look me in the eye and promise me I’m not getting into some horrible shitty cheating-stuff that I didn’t ask to be part of.”“You’re not, he said it was okay,” Louis hisses, “but get the fuck off now, you’ve ruined it. The moment’s gone, you’ve—”“You’re so hot when you’re angry”, Harry tells him, and okay, that’s not exactly taking the out presented to him. It just kind of slipped.Harry’s grinning stupidly at the boy beneath him, still pinning his wrists down to the bed, and Louis is wiggling underneath him, aiming to free his wrists from Harry’s hold, and then, Harry’s doing it again, grinding back down against Louis’ crotch, eliciting a sweet moan from the boy.Harry blames it on them being too close— the pheromones driving him to do it, but he ends up doing it again, and again and again, both of them moaning into the space between them with each drag of their cocks against one another’s.He feels Louis arch up beneath him, his hips meeting Harry’s on his own accord, arse rubbing back against the mattress, needy.Harry’s curls have fell from the elastic he had them in, pooling down around his shoulders in waves as he pants damply into Louis’ mouth, trying to breathe him all the way in.He keeps having to swipe the hair from his eyes as he does, and he’s nibbling on Louis’ ear again suddenly, curling his tongue around the shell of it, flicking over it teasingly.“God, you’re so fucking wet,” Harry groans into his ear, so that his words are the only stimulus Louis will take in, overwhelmed by the sensation of it all. “Can’t even feel it yet, but you smell so obscene. I could just, ungh, I could just slide right into you.”“Why don’t you, then?” Louis breathes, getting his other hand free from Harry’s grip and using it to smooth sweaty little curls back from his forehead for him. “Don’t you want it?”“I’ve had your arse,” Harry responds hoarsely, defiant.“You’ve had it twice,” Louis agrees, “you don’t want it anymore?”Harry looks at him then, furrow in his brow because well, he knows Louis didn’t forget the third time. It had definitely happened more than twice, and he can’t help but to let the little inaccuracy bother him.“Had it three times”, he clarifies, childishly.“All right, all right, my apologies,” Louis grins, “three times, then.”Harry just reaches down and pads a finger over Louis’ lips before pulling back entirely, causingLouis to frown unabashedly up at Harry from the loss of his weight against him. Harry throws a hand through his long hair and then reaches back, pulling his t-shirt off.Louis cups himself then, raking his eyes over the look of Harry’s naked torso, firm and wide and strong under black ink, and his cheeks flush as he does, unable to stop himself, the same way Harry can’t.He licks over his lip, then starts to crawl up Louis’ body, not stopping until he’s straddling his chest.“What are you doing?”, he asks him.Harry’s got his nostrils flared and his knot fattened up, ready for release. He looks at Louis beneath him, but all that thrums through his body is pure, undeniable need.He pulls his dick out of his trackies then, stroking his fat member as he looked at the boys flushed cheeks and pretty lips, his cheekbones and the cut of his jaw.Louis so badly needed to be fucked, he thought, and secretly, he knew he was the only one who could fuck him right.He was the only one who could fuck Louis the way he actually needed— til his thighs were shaking and his cock was twitching in a pool of its own come, all sleepy and pliant from his orgasmic haze.He took pride in it, even though he knew he shouldn’t— the effect he had on Louis, but he felt it was only fair. Harry couldn’t be the only one unable to control himself.There’s precome pooling at the tip of his cock, base of it swollen, and he’s gripping onto Louis’ jaw, thumbing over his lips, and all he can think about is absolutely destroying this boy— his beautiful lips and his sultry voice.“Cover your teeth”, he grunts out, Louis breathing out a quick little “oh”, before Harry is pushing his knot roughly past Louis’ lips, roughly fucking into the velvety heat of the boys mouth.He holds Louis by the back of his head, twisting his long fingers up in the hair at the nape of his neck, watching Louis’ mouth fall more slack around him each time he pulls just a little bit too hard, eliciting a whimper that felt like heaven each time, around his cock.It felt good, pushing into Louis’ warm mouth over and over, gagging him with every thrust, feeling Louis’ tongue glide over every inch of his cock he can get to.There’s tears streaming down Louis’ face when he pulls out, cock somehow heavier than before, begging to take Louis until he can release it all, pumping every last drop of his come into him.“You all right?”, he asks Louis then, thumbing over the tracks of tears making their way down his cheeks as he continues to jerk himself.“Yeah”, Louis rasps.Harry nods, nudging his balls at Louis’ mouth then.“Can you—“, he starts to say, but Louis’ already nodding, giving him everything he needs, kitten licking Harry’s big balls while staring prettily up into his eyes.Harry hisses as Louis sucks one in, rolling it enticingly in his mouth before Harry needs more.“Down,” he says suddenly, “okay, down, I’m gonna come on you.”Harry pats the mattress impatiently beside them, waiting for Louis to get down so he can paint him in thick ropes of his come the way he needs to.He knows it will be an itch that he has until he sees Louis covered in it, knowing he was the one who painted him.Louis lies down, and Harry stands over his chest, jerking his big dick as he does with fast little twists of his wrist.He throws his head back as his orgasm washes over him, groaning out gutturally through the room, streaks of come landing on Louis’ collarbones and throat, his lips, and his jaw.It’s the best thing— seeing this boy all sticky with his come beneath him.“Good, you’re so— ungh, you’re so good,” he babbles, swiping the head of his cock over Louis’ lips again, pushing in between them, cupping his balls and jerking the last few spurts of come onto Louis’ tongue, needing him to taste him. “Fuck, you look— God, you’re fuckin’ covered in me.”Harry slaps his spent cock against Louis’ lips a few final times, solely because he can, then shifts to roll away.He comes back with a towel, wiping Louis up attentively. “Was that okay?”, he asks him, hushed.Louis nods, grinning back up at him.Then, “finish me off, then.”And, well, Harry’s not going to say no to that.He tugs Louis’ jeans down then, the two of them never getting better at taking the time to actually remove their clothes before getting balls deep into the moment, it seemed.He curls two fingers into Louis’ slick-dampened hole, crooking them as he does.He fingers him languidly, kissing him sloppily until the boy comes up his own chest between breathy moans.He cleans Louis up again when they’re finished, rolling over onto his stomach and closing his eyes.“That was quite the mouth-fucking,” Louis tells him, moving his jaw around to see that it still functions regularly.“I’m sorry”, Harry says, knowing he was a little rough and hoping it wasn’t too much.“It’s okay,” Louis mutters, pulling himself up to sit, “it’s all right, it was all right.”“Think your phone’s come back to life,” Harry tells him then, seeing the screen lit up in the corner, “have a look.”Louis groans, reaching lazily for his phone, slapping around til he’s able to grasp hold of it.Harry hears the door slam downstairs, signaling the lads noisily getting back home, and Louis’ hissing out a quick “piss” under his breath, rushing to throw his clothes on hurriedly. Harry can’t tell if Louis’ afraid the lads would see him or if it was something else, but he moves like he’s going to leave and, well.“Where are you going?”“Home”, he says, tone almost a little sharp, teetering on the edges of dismissive and it’s almost upsetting, for a minute.Harry opts to play it off instead, smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he says, “but the food people are here.” Surely, Louis wouldn’t want to miss some good take out. He loved a good take out.Louis’ reaching out at him then, jabbing him hard , right in the dimple.“Colin’s home early apparently”, he says, turning over his hoodie again and again in his hands, almost as if he were inspecting it. “I wanna be home before he is, I promised I’d do the dishes, but I thought I had time and—”Harry feels uncomfortable then, propping himself up onto his elbow and looking at Louis sharply, unable to help himself.Louis was antsy— he could smell it on him, and if he had told him the truth earlier, why would he be?“Why d’you sound so nervous suddenly?”, he asks because damn it, he’s allowed to, and he won’t be made to feel bad for doing so. “Did you like to me before? Did you, is he not—“Louis cuts him off, agitated little look etched onto his face, like he couldn’t bear to hear even a moment more of Harry’s little spiel.“Why’ve you got to be so bloody difficult? Call him up if you want. He’ll tell you— I’m not lying.” He’s sighing as he says it, almost like he cant seem to understand why Harry’s struggling to believe him and that Harry can’t wrap his head around. What about any of this is trustworthy?Louis continues then, drily. “And now you’ve had all my holes, you won’t have to worry anymore, innit? Like you said.”Harry’s a bit taken aback. He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to prepare for the way Louis dodges his own vulnerability by going for the lowest blow each and every time, where he knows it will stick.“What the fuck are you on about?”Louis shrugs, looking truly indifferent, and Harry has a tough time believing he could really feel any differently.“Doesn’t matter, never mind”, he says.Louis moves to go then, heading to climb his way up the ladder and it’s not fair. Harry can’t just let him walk away— not like that— like he always does, leaving Harry with all of the questions, and him with all of the answers. It felt so unbelievably unfair, the lack of control he had, as well as the overwhelming amount of it Louis held. All of the balls were in his court, all of the time.“Louis”, he says then, pleadingly, grasping at straws in an attempt to get him to stay, hoping that it sticks. “I drive my car everyday.”Louis stops, and Harry can tell it’s mostly out of confusion rather than any interest in hearing him out, confused little twitch in his brow. “Wha’?”Harry pops back down onto the bed then, sighing, hoping he can best explain what he means. He’s never been the best with words, but really it’s a simple analogy, and he thinks Louis will understand, and hopes he’ll stay.“I drive my car every single day and just cause i’ve driven it so many times before doesn’t make me want to drive it any less again.”Of course, it doesn’t translate that way.Louis looks annoyed.“Hang on, are you comparing me to your fucking car right now?”Harry rolls his eyes, but grins nevertheless, expecting nothing less.“Would you rather I compare you to a summers day?”“I’m leaving”, Louis tells him.Harry knows he can’t really stop him, Louis being the most stubborn Omega he’s ever met. He had already made up his mind, so he doesn’t move to get up off the bed this time, or go to say one last desperately unnecessary thing— there’s just no point.For his own peace of mind, however, right as Louis reaches the ladder, he does speak. Only because he has to ask.“So if I called Colin right now and asked about this thing, what would he tell me?”Louis pauses, thinks it through, but doesn’t turn around when he responds. He says it over his shoulder, unmoving, like he can’t bring himself to look Harry in the eye.“He’d tell you I’m allowed to have my fun whenever it’s convenient. As long as it stays that; convenient fun.”Harry can hear it in his voice the way he always can, the finality in it. The way he says “convenient fun”, because that’s all it ever will be for him.“Convenient fun”, Harry echoes back to him, unsure what to think.Well, he knows what he thinks, but he thinks a lot of things.Once again, he feels like the most ungrateful Alpha there ever was. He has Louis, the most beautiful Omega in the world, offering himself up to him on a silver platter, and he finds it bittersweet, because it’s not good enough.It’s just convenient. It’s just fun. Harry knows he’ll never appreciate it for what it is, no matter how much he will try and tell himself he can.“Does that mean you’re on the pill or will I have to keep fucking your mouth whenever we engage in… convenient fun?”Louis flips him off, over his shoulder, still refusing to look at him, on the same notch of the latter as before.“But yes”, he says finally, continuing on his way. “I am on the pill now.”“Brills”, Harry calls back.“Ew.”Harry flops back onto the bed as he leaves, back sinking into the mattress, and he kind of wishes it would keep doing so, until he was fully enveloped— by the comfort and the sleep. But of course it doesn’t, having already napped a bit too much already that day, as well as the weight of everything that had just happened on his mind.He wonders how long he’ll be able to get away with pondering it— before the lads knock away at his door, beckoning him for dinner. He takes comfort in it while he can.He’s sealed his fate, Harry knows he has. Getting to have Louis at all was accepting that he only got to have him some of the time, and always on Louis’ terms.It was accepting that at the end of the day, Louis got to go home, and when he did, he had a Colin waiting for him. He had a Colin who would be waiting with a smile and maybe even a cup of tea, and he would ask Louis how his day was, knowing he could smell Harry all over him, over his husband, and he wouldn’t bring it up, because that’s just who Colin was.It was accepting that Louis would be able to confide any emotions he may have about all of this to Colin, who would grin and bear it, but knowing that Harry could never confide any he had to Louis.It was accepting a lot of things, and before he knew it, he realized that like most things in his life, he had such painfully little control.Whether it be in his band, or in his relationship with Louis, or with any fucking thing he touched, it felt that his mission was to just to be along for the ride, and fuck, he was tired of it.Harry decided that he had nothing to lose. He knew how much he cared for Louis: It was this great, ugly feeling he wished he could ignore, and he was absolutely sick with it, but he also knew that it didn’t matter.His feelings for Louis didn’t change a damn thing, not really. So, he had to put it aside, and he decided from then forward, that he would say what was on his mind.Why should Louis get to have his cake and eat it too?Why is it him and why is it Colin that are the ones who are left to their own devices?It wasn’t fair, and Harry was really, really tired.And the worst of it all, the real kicker, was that Louis had absolutely no clue. He had no clue what he was doing, or that it hurt— and bad.It almost hurt to think about, and Harry was glad when he heard a sharp knock on the door, Niall calling out, “Foooodd!!!”So he didn’t think about it. He went and he ate dinner with his mates, chatting and laughing like nothing was the matter because nothing had to be. Not right now. And he was okay.
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Things between Harry and Louis start like an itch that needs to be scratched, slow then all encompassing.At first they are able to take it slowly, hooking up here and there and they are satiated, but before they know it, it is an almost weekly thing, if not more so— a sense of normality coloring over it all.And for a while, Harry is actually able to enjoy it.Colin actually seems not to be involved in what they do— it’s just him and Louis hooking up, and he’s just delusional enough to be able to allow himself the joy of not thinking about it, settling into the heat of the moment instead.All too often recently was his time spent giving Louis rushed handjobs in the lads’ hall bathroom or receiving rushed, sloppy blowjobs in his loft bedroom.In a way, he felt like he was a teenager again— living out some quick, sex-crazed hidden hook-up fantasy.For a while there, Harry was getting laid on such a semi-regular basis that between the hormones and the headiness of it all, he was able to convince himself that everything was good— that this could be just what it was. Sex and nothing more.It’s not every day that they do it. That has to count for something, right?Certainly, if they were to do it that frequently, there would be cause for concern, but they don’t so.Harry’s not worried. Really, he’s not.….Harry’s over at Nick’s house, fresh after seeing Louis, and his friend is passing him a spliff, and well, who is he to say no?“What’s on your mind, mate?”, Nick asks him, pinching a cigarette between his own two fingers, puffing smoke out past his thin lips. He always was able to tell when something was bothering Harry. It was a blessing and a curse.Harry had already managed to suck down a hit or three, feeling each inhale of smoke drag deep into his lungs, filling them with it before he billowed the excess out.“I’ve been fuckin Louis”, he tells him. Decides to keep it blunt.Nick’s eyebrows raise then, crawling up his forehead in surprise.“Your mate?”, he asks, huffing another drag from his cigarette.“We used to be best mates is the really fucking funny part, Grimmy. Like, proper best of pals.”Nick looks to him then with a sad sort of look— the kind of sympathy you can see twinkle in somebody’s eyes, almost mockingly back at you.Harry can’t bear to see it— so he takes another hit instead, feeling the buzz overtake his senses, as well as feel himself slowly start to care about all of this less and less.It wasn’t that it didn’t matter, necessarily. It was more so that it didn’t register as such a big deal.It was better that way, really, Harry thought, taking one last shaky hit before passing the spliff to Nick.Maybe if he got a few hits in him, that sad little look would fade away.Harry sort of hoped it did. This conversation would never go anywhere otherwise.“Well, like”, Nick sighs, ruffling his quiff through his slender fingers before taking a long drag from the spliff and continuing, “what changed, mate? Where’d things go wrong then?”“Not sure they have yet.”“Then what’s the problem?”“Well, I’m not sure they have for him anyways”, he clarifies.Nick nods. He’s taken a few more hits now, catching up to Harry at a steady rate and it may be the high, but he thinks he at least kind of understands.“Sometimes it’s best to stay mates, H. Learned it a long time ago myself. Doesn’t mean I listen to that advice all the time either. No judgement.”Harry knows there is none, he can hear it in Nick’s voice, but he still doesn’t feel much better. It’s not like Nick told him anything he didn’t already know.“Probably should have”, is all he says because yeah, they should have, but he probably should do a lot of things that he doesn’t and this is just another.One day he’ll learn, maybe, but for now, it seems he has a hobby of giving into impulse and seeing where it takes him.Nick takes one last hit off the joint and passes it back to him, eyes all droopy, with a kind smile on his face.“So why didn’t you? Might as well chat about it then, come on.”And Harry’s not sure he wants to is the thing, but it may help. He’s really not sure.“Well, I dunno. He’s an Omega, for starters. Which isn’t like, the reason or anything, but he’s the only one whose scent has ever gotten to me, y’know?”He looks at Nick then, because he’s an Alpha, too. He wonders if he’s ever experienced it yet— the scent of an omega that meshes so well with his own that it’s almost like he can’t help himself. Insatiable is the way he’d define it— the way Louis’ scent registers with his own.Nick gives a little half nod, but Harry can tell— he hasn’t. If he had, he’d understand. Immediately, he’d get it.Harry continues anyways.“Well anyways, it’s basically like as soon as I smelled him I was done for. That was it really. Think I’d just been biting down on the feelings for too long, really.”He shrugs then. Who knows what really sent them tipping over the edge, but here they were.“What d’you mean?”, Nick asks then.Harry looks down at the spliff hanging between his fingers then. It’s dwindling away, on its very last leg, but this conversation is a bit too heavy and his mind isn’t quite fuzzy enough. Not yet. He really ought to ash it, enjoying the buzz of what’s already been consumed but instead he puffs away at it a few more times, smoke tasting harsh as he nears the end.He coughs once, then twice, and smiles lazily back towards Nick.“Me and Louis have been mates a while, Nick.”“Well, I know that, mate. How long have you liked him?”Harry bites his lip then because really, that’s an excellent question. The answer is a bit confusing.Harry would argue he’s never not liked Louis. In a way, he’s been a bit enamored with him since the moment he saw him at the skatepark as a little kid, annoying little urge to get his attention kicking at the back of his mind.By the time Louis presented, it was definitely already there, and by the time he had presented, he was a goner. So yeah. Pretty much forever, really.“Kinda always have I guess”, he admits.Nicks sighs at that, audibly and yeah, Harry feels the same.Once again, Nick’s running his hands through his much too tall hair— almost a nervous tick.The pressure to help weighs on his shoulders but Harry understands— he knows there’s not much that can be said or done to make things better.He knew he had dug himself a hole. It was okay to say it.Nick does. In a way, Harry admires him for it. A lot, actually. At the least, he knows Nick is an honest friend. He knows he will keep it genuine with him, even when it’s tough and they are far too high. Like today.“I’m afraid you might have found yourself in a bit of a predicament, mate”, he says, clapping Harry on the shoulder suddenly.This time, it’s Harry who smiles sadly. It’s weak, smile barely stretching completely across his lips, and he’s sure Nick can see it written all over his face— how much he knows it just as well.“Me and self control need to become better friends, I think.”“You don’t say?”Nick chuckles then, nudging Harry lightly. He knows it’s all banter. That’s the way it’s always been with Nick, and he allows himself a laugh. It’s all he can do, really.He looks up at the deep expanse of night sky up above them and allows himself to take a good look at the stars.They wink back at him, silver and white, soft little bulbs of white-hot fire.“You ever been in a situation similar?”, he asks Nick. Kind of just needs to say something, really.“Long time ago.”“How was it?”Nick nods his head towards the screen door, beckoning Harry to come back into the flat.“We’re gonna need to roll another spliff if we’re gettin’ into all that, mate”, he tells him.So Harry follows him in. He has all night and well, he needs this.He needs to talk about it, and he hopes that in some way, he’ll be able to relate to Nick.Maybe he’ll be able to pour his heart out to him in that way. In a way, Harry’d be able to then— if Nick had felt the same way as him. It would all be far less vulnerable then, somehow.The night stretches on and the two smoke until they are laughing just a bit too much for two lads discussing their most traumatic tales about love.Louis learns about Nick’s first and only true love, a man named Elliot he dated over eight years ago.The way Nick talks of him, even still, Harry knows it’s a sore topic, but the hazy feeling from the weed took the heavy edge off of Nick’s words, almost like it wouldn’t be able to be discussed without it.Elliot hadn’t been an Omega. He had been a Beta. It wasn’t a biological pull that had drawn Nick to him, but an emotional one. He described their mental connection as one that will play on in his mind for decades to come, haunting him like a ghost.Harry fears it as soon as he hears the words, hoping that one day the same won’t be true for him about Louis.Eventually, the night has turned to pitch around them and they are both just a bit too inebriated, barely able to keep their eyes open as they keep chatting.It’s past two in the morning and at this point, Harry’s sleeping over.Like everything else, that fate is sealed too.Harry blinks his eyes open, waking himself once more to nudge at Nick, waking him so that they can meander back inside to sleep properly and before he sleeps, he for once is grateful he’s opened up.It’s hard for him, the whole vulnerability thing, and he may not have gone about it in the healthiest of ways tonight, but him and Nick had opened up to one another, and in a way, it had helped.At the very least, he’d felt a little less alone for a little while and in his life, that had become somewhat of a foreign feeling.…. The next morning, he and Nick don’t talk about it.Nick has a show to do down at the station and he leaves early on in the morning, saying goodbye before he does. It’s not weird between them, but neither of them feel the need to discuss it. It’s mutual, without ever needing to be discussed.Harry is grateful they can communicate in that way.He leaves not long after Nick, taking a shower before he does, locking up and hiding away the spare when he does...Harry makes it back to the lads’ place shortly before nine and they are all pleading with him to make a proper breakfast for them all, being that they all had the first half of the day off together.Because they really were all around, Harry agreed, and really he was happy to do so.He had a new pancake recipe he’d been playing with recently, and the lads had taken a liking to it. He had already made it for them a few times before, but his favorite part about the recipe was how easily interchangeable it was.Each time he made it, he could easily swap out one or two ingredients to change it just slightly so the lads could enjoy some variety.The first time, he had gone plain and simple: pancakes and syrup. The second time, peanut butter and jelly pancakes. The third, butter pecan. This time, he planned to make bananas foster pancakes.Bananas foster was such a nostalgic taste for him— bringing him back to Saturday morning breakfasts at his Grammie’s house, cozied up at the breakfast nook, sipping at the juice she’d make him and eating bite after bite of the gooey, sweet delight.It had always been a favorite of his, and he hoped the lads would like it just as much.He was excited, already having got out all the ingredients, falling into his “chef zone” so to speak when Niall burst back into the kitchen.It’s not to say Harry’s particular when he’s cooking, but well. Having somebody else in the kitchen when you are trying to cook is particularly aggravating, it just is.He tried not to grit his teeth and instead smiled at his rambunctious mate.“Oh mate, make sure to make a bit extra. I invited Louis over for breakfast, he happened to call and it came up.”Niall was looking at him with this big toothy grin and well now all he was thinking about Louis.“He’s bringing Betty Boo by too!”, Niall throws in, giving Harry an awful smack of a kiss on the cheek, saying another quick thank you before heading out of the kitchen and well, now there was that to deal with as well.Harry goes back to whisking up eggs, vanilla, and some spices into a large mixing bowl and he’s only a bit distracted...Just as he thought, bananas foster couldn’t just be bananas foster these days.He should’ve known, really. He was to blame.Now, he was sprawled out across his loft bed, nude, two-fingers deep in Louis and well, it was a mixed signal really.He knew how much Louis loved bananas.So he blamed it on that and crooked his fingers a little sharper, a little deeper, into the boy beneath him, hearing him cry out.It was a sound he loved to chase— working overtime to draw the noises out, one by one.He’d never admit it, but he felt a bit proud every single time one rang out through the air.He’s crouched down, bent over on all fours, and he lets his tongue poke past his lips to join his fingers, poking and twisting and exploring around the pucker of his entrance.Louis’ hole flutters from the excitement of it all and he’s breathing shakily beneath Harry.Harry’s fingers have gone from crooking in to him languidly to more of a rapid pace, feeling Louis writhe as he jabs them in, in, in.Louis looks powerless to stop it all, absolutely falling apart from the sound of it, and Harry needed more. He always needed more.They ended up exchanging blowjobs in the end, both too worked up to settle for the process of rimming. They were both too needy for it.Louis sucked Harry first, Harry turning them over so that Louis was on top of him, for once.Harry liked that they didn’t have to fuck every time. Not that this didn’t count, but it didn’t have to be going all the way, all the time, and in a way that was nice.Sometimes they could just rut against each other lazily and that was enough. Others, they could do this, sucking each other until they come down each other’s throats hurriedly, trying to make it quick before the lads notice they’ve slipped away.Louis always sucked Harry off with fervor, too, which was another thing. He sucked meticulously, like he had memorized the exact set of movements that would get Harry there, and like he’d done them a hundred times before. Essentially, he sucked Harry off like it was second nature to him, and it was almost impossible for Harry to not want more.Today was nothing different— Louis working over him with both hurried strokes of his tiny hands as well as wet-hot ones from his mouth.It was over almost as soon as it started, Harry unable to even be embarrassed, considering they could always go again, as he finished into Louis’ mouth. And that was another thing. Louis always swallowed, and if he didn’t it was because Harry wanted to come on him instead, not because he didn’t want to or because he refused. He always wanted to, Harry could tell.It was obvious in the way his cerulean eyes got all saucer-wide and in the way his eyelashes framed his eyes, damp and pretty and fanning against the tops of his cheeks in the most obscene way.Basically, Harry could tell in these moments how badly Louis wanted him. It radiated off his every pore, sinking into Harry’s own, and Harry was drunk with it, each and every time.When he went to return the favor for Louis, he was putty in his hands, the way he knew he would be.He finished in minutes, the entire thing only spanning the course of possibly fifteen minutes, and even still, they were both spent in the end, panting into each other’s mouths, absolutely dizzy with the feeling of whatever it is they were doing.Harry’s not sure he knew what that was, exactly, but he’s not sure Louis did either, and that helped, if only a little.They’d gone back downstairs afterwards and the lads were dicking around on Fifa and suddenly so were they, and that was that.
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Louis doesn’t pop by the flat or text Harry for a few days after that and Harry would almost think it’s weird, if it weren’t for the fact that then he would have to deal with the realization that he has expectations of Louis, inadvertently, just by thinking so.Expectations don’t exactly mesh well with casual, Harry thinks, so he decides it’s perfectly normal and he pretends that he doesn’t secretly hope it’s Louis’ name that pops on his screen each time he receives a notification or wish it’s him behind the door every time he hears keys jingle in the fob.He’s becoming increasingly more aware of just how much he’s begun to truly care for Louis’ presence and he really hates it.Isn’t it always easier— the great before? The great before, as Harry coined it, was that wondrous time when one is able to submerge themselves into something so thoroughly that they are unaware of everything crumbling to shit around them. In other words, ignorance has always been bliss.He’s ventured well past ignorance by now. He’s fully aware of how with every single interaction, he’s burying the hatchet further, and when he must inevitably go to rip it out, it will be brutal.It all feels a little pathetic to him, especially when he realizes it’s only been about three days since he last saw him.He heads downstairs, hoping and praying one of the lads is home to distract him.…Somehow, he ends up at the shops with Gemma and really, he should’ve known better.Her delivery had always been nothing short of blunt, and tough love was her specialty.In many ways, Harry had grown to both respect and appreciate this aspect of his sister over the years, but it was just a bit too sore a topic right now.He was still adjusting to the idea of him being able to have these feelings at all, let alone be ready to drop them like a hat, and feel bad he had them in the first place.They are not even two stores deep into their trip when Gemma asks him. She’s so nonchalant about it too, which Harry sort of envies. He so very wishes he could be about this.“You still arse over tits for Tommy boy?”, she asks.He knows the fresh bout of red painting over his cheeks is a telltale giveaway but he looks to her, smiles, and shakes his head anyways.Some days, he welcomes vulnerability, other days, he runs in the opposite direction.Today is one of those days.“Not really Gems, no”, he says. It’s a bold faced lie and he knows they’re both fully aware of it.“Hmm”, she says, and he sees her tongue poking curiously into the side pocket of her cheek as she flicks through another rack of tops, plucking one out and looking it over as if she had even the slightest bit of interest. “You sure?”Harry tried to stifle his annoyance. After all, this was his sister and really, this was only her caring. He was appreciative, really. At least she gave a fuck. That was more than he could say for plenty of people in his life, really, so he decided to indulge her.“I got in a bit over my head Gems”, is all he tells her and it’s barely a whisper.He says it more to the clothing rack than to her, almost like he didn’t want her to pick up on any of what he said at all actually.But she did. Of course she would.She nods, but she doesn’t do it in a way that shows sympathy and that’s enough to stifle his annoyance with her for bringing this up completely for now.“Were you not in over it from the get go, Haz?”, she asked, and for once her voice is gentle. Harry is so glad. It’s a fair question, really it is. But it’s such an unfair one at the same time because of course he was, and of course he knew it too.“Guess I never really expected I’d even have the chance to stop myself from any of this happening. When it came up, I couldn’t have if I wanted to try and I didn’t. Not even at all.”He can see it in her eyes the way she is trying to be understanding. Her lips are pursed off to the side and she’s nodding, still thumbing through the racks aimlessly, without a thought. She’s not even really looking at the items as she does.Finally, she chooses to say what’s on her mind anyways.“Well, fuck. I hate to say it Haz but shit. He was married. Did you have hope he’d leave his husband or something? I’m just trying to make sense of it all, really.”Harry wished he had an answer for her. He didn’t even have one for himself and he had asked himself the same exact question over and over. It hammered on in his mind like a skipping record. He just couldn’t get away.“I knew he was married Gems. The first time anything happened his husband was there, guess I couldn’t seem to care much about the whole husband thing what with that being the case.”She seemed a little dumbed by that. Gemma fish mouthed for a moment, maybe two, moving them off to another rack off to the other corner of the store while she did.“Does he not seem to mind then? His husband?”“Guess not Gems”, he says with a shrug. “You know as well as I. I can never quite wrap my head around it myself, but.”Her fingers are trailing down a purple belt with silver studs now, picturing herself in it as she tries to come up with the most appropriate response.“Dead end relationship, probably”, she says as if it’s obvious.“His whole career is built up around defending it though, Gems”, he argues. “I’m just not sure.”“Well, it being on its last leg now doesn’t mean it always was, Haz. Lots of things could’ve been going on recently behind closed doors and then you popped into town, got in his head somehow and then, well. You two took it a bit far. They’re probably both too afraid to admit what they’ve already known.”He looks to his sister then, studying her. She looks back at him as if she’s certain of everything she’s saying and well, his sister had a funny way of usually being right.“Why string me along for the ride of a lifetime then?”She laughs, chuckling under her breath as she lead him over to a checkout queue, somehow having managed to wrangle together a small silver wallet and a black strappy pair of sandals to purchase.There’s a few customers ahead of them in line and Gemma doesn’t seem to mind the idea of anybody overhearing, even though Harry kind of does.“People do it to poor blokes like yourself everyday, Haz, it’s nothing you’ve done. He’s just running from it himself, that’s all.”The way she says it, Harry can tell he hopes it will help him feel better, but it doesn’t. Not really.He was trying to run from all of this himself and he couldn’t. He couldn’t, so why did Louis get to?Why did Louis get to be able to run away from everything that was real and at least have something fake to console his poor soul about it?Harry was fighting not to let bitterness cloud over him, and it almost felt like a losing battle.Gemma seemed to realize the conversation wasn’t exactly taking a positive turn, and she made to pay for her items, having reached the front of the line.The cashier handed her back her bag and Gemma looked to him, smiling softly.It wasn’t often that she allowed herself to be malleable with anybody, but for once, she chose to be soft towards him, letting him know she was doing her best to handle him with care through all of this. He hopes she knew how much it meant to him.“Let’s go get some coffee, yeah?” , she asks, and he agrees. Caffeine sounded like exactly what he needed right now.…. He sees Louis again a few days later and it’s almost laughable how quickly all of the negative feelings fade away once he’s in his presence.It’s almost a little obnoxious, and Harry wishes that he had a little more of a grip on all of this that was crashing and burning around him.Niall and Zayn have their own business, in the realm of sex-toy sales of all things, and Harry had promised them that he would assist them in the production of their latest collection reveal.They’ve fussed over their makeup, gotten all of their instructions as well as the run down on all of the products they have to detail, and they are ready to begin.“Hello, Zialler’s,” Zayn begins cheerily into the camera, “I’m Zayn Malik and today I’ve got two of my very best friends with me to show you the Alpha-Omega collection, which is available in our shop now, at very affordable prices.”He pauses and looks over towards Harry.“So, here on my left I’ve got my good friend, Harry Styles. Some of you may recognize him from rockband White Eskimo,” he slaps Harry on the back, a little too hard, “hi, Harry.”“Hi, Zayn,” Harry says, smiling over-exaggeratedly, first at Zayn and then at the camera, “hi Zialler’s. I’m Harry Zialles… Styles.”He knows it’s just the right amount of cringeworthy as soon as he says it, seeing Liam off in the corner encouraging them to keep going with the recording and hearing the grit in Zayn’s teeth as he decides to, continuing to speak.“All right,” Zayn says, voice sharp, irritated, “and on my right I’ve got my other good friend, Louis Tomlinson. Some of you might recognize him as the author of ‘Hi, my name is Omega, I’m Omega’.”Nobody reacts, even though Harry’s as well aware as the rest of them that Zayn had purposely misspoke Louis’ book title.Louis reaches over then, slapping Zayn’s chest. He barks out a laugh then.“Oh, Zaynieboy, you humour me,” he says, shaking his head and grinning, “now, it is ‘Hi my name is Omega, I’m Louis’.”“How did you even fit all of that on the cover?” Harry decides to chime in.Liam makes the hand-motion again off in the corner and Zayn groans loudly. Liam just makes the motion again.“So,” Zayn says, straightening up in his seat, slapping Harry on the back again, harder, “Harry. You’re an alpha.”Harry gives a loud fake laugh, just for him. “You bet I am, Zaynie.”Louis laughs out loud then and there goes Liam making the hand-motion again, so frantically he nearly knocks the camera over.“You like sex toys, yeah?” Zayn asks, smile strained.“More than anything else in this life, Zayn, more than anything else,” Harry replies, grave-faced. His tone is so deadpan when he says it that he’s surprised he doesn’t break, bursting into laughter the way he wants to.He realizes then that he’s got lines to be read, showing from the teleprompter, and he clears his throat.“Uhm,” he begins, glancing down at the toys before him and rubbing his hands together like he can’t wait, “here we have the…” his gaze flicks up to the screen again, then down, “Scentifier 2000…” he spends a full minute finding the actual thing.It’s a spray-bottle. He holds it up for the camera.“What it is, essentially,” he says, and then giggles at himself, “e-scent-ially.” He giggles in. That was too good.Liam makes the hand-motion again.“What it is,” Harry repeats, “is a spray-liquid, mimicking the scent of an omega in heat. You spray it,” he sprays to demonstrate, then gasps loudly, “and then…” he croaks out, nostrils flaring, “then you, uhm… you— fuck, this shit really works, fuckin’ hell, shit—” he tries to wave it out of his face, but it doesn’t work, and when Zayn realises he’s sporting a boner from one second to the next, they decide to pause the camera for a moment.Harry rushes off then, heading off to the bathroom to take care of himself, a little bit in shock that the product actually worked.When Harry gets back, they are having Louis film his own takes and he seems to be doing a much better job of it all.They make Harry reapply foundation when he gets back, face gone splotchy and red from his little intermission.He ends up having to film his own takes a few too many times, stumbling over his words, a little too flustered for the whole being on camera thing, currently.They don’t wrap up filming until late in the evening and the time flies by— take after take, blooper after blooper, glare after glare from Zayn, all gone before they know it.He catches Louis wandering off, tugging on his shoes near the end of it, seemingly leaving and it really is late, he doesn’t want him to take the tube.“Hey”, he calls after him, hurrying to catch up. “You leaving?”“Yeah, gonna go home to the hubster”, Louis says, and really, Harry could vomit. Right then and there, all over Louis’ shoes, but he doesn’t.Instead, he laughs. He goes to pull on his coat and tug on his own pair of shoes, and Louis’ asking him, “where are you going?”“Driving you home”, he says, and he makes sure to do it in a way that is nothing short of matter of fact, leaving Louis to see it as less of an offer but as a fact of what is to come.Still, he protests, and Harry knew he would.“You don’t have to”, he tells him.“I know I don’t.”Louis knows as well as he does that Harry won’t let him go home alone this late, so he goes to follow Harry, but they don’t talk at all on the lift down, silence encroaching the space around them.They don’t talk when they get in the car at first either, the only sound besides their own breath being the soft tune of the music humming through the car from the stereo.Louis sighs, turning to Harry and smiling politely. “Thanks for driving me, mate.” He tilts his head back, letting the skin of his cheek rest against the cool pane of the window, looking out towards the sky rather than back at Harry.“S’all right”, Harry tells him. He reaches out then, bringing his hand down to skirt at Louis’ thigh.He allows it to be perfectly friendly until, like always, that somehow ends up not being enough, his hand splaying out to cover the entirely of Louis’ thigh instead, needing to cover more, more more.He allows his hand to stay there for the rest of the ride, far too close to Louis’ crotch, resting there mainly, asides for the occasional squeeze.Neither of them speak again until they’ve pulled up to Louis’ place and Betty’s gone to sleep in the back seat at some point during the ride.Harry has to ask. While he has Louis here, he has to. He never does quite know when he’ll get to see him next. Saying goodbye is always his least favorite part. He sort of always dreads it from the beginning. So he does.“You think he’s home?”Louis looks over to him then, actually looking at him rather than off to the side, avoiding eye contact by any means necessary. It’s the first time he has the entire car ride.Louis drops his gaze for only a moment, undoing his seatbelt before returning it.“Yeah, he’s home.”“Hm”, Harry says. He’s not sure what else there is to say. The ball, again, is in Louis’ court.“Why?”Harry’s still got his hand on Louis’ thigh, still not able to bring himself to move it, and it’s him this time who can’t look at Louis.“Nothing”, he tells him, and he knows that Louis will be able to understand what he really means.And he does.“No”, he agrees, laying a hand over Harry’s own, still sat on his thigh, petting over it gently, soothingly. It’s almost nice. “No, nothing tonight, H.”“No”, Harry agrees. He’s still got his eyes focused somewhere in his lap, and then he’s looking up at Louis, directly in the eye. “When then?”, he asks. He doesn’t figure it matters much if he asks or doesn’t, and he’d rather know. “Just. It’s been a while. I never know when I’m going to get it again.”In a way, he figures it a little risky to be vulnerable with Louis, telling him exactly what’s on his mind, but then again, what does he have to lose? The end result is the same, regardless, so he might as well make Louis have to know exactly how he feels. That way, he knows exactly what he will be walking away from when he does.It’s a little backwards of him, Harry thinks, but the thoughts eat away at him, and it’s easier really— to tell Louis. Even if it hurts him, he wants him to know.“I’m sure you get it elsewhere”, Louis tells him.Harry grins, just a little. “It isn’t the same”, he tells the boy.“Why?”Harry bites the side of his mouth and shrugs at him. He’s not sure he’d be able to tell Louis that one. He’s not sure he could let him have that, not along with everything else.He lets his hand start crawling up Louis’ thigh instead, up towards Louis’ crotch, teasing and hopeful.“Harry—“, Louis protests weakly, but he’s already tipping his head back, exposing his neck for Harry to nose into, sniffing into the expanse of it again and again.Harry is kissing him then, hot and slow, Louis bucking up into his hand from underneath him, and he squeezes him back, through his jeans.It’s Harry who is rushing to undo his buckle then, moving to get closer and closer to the boy across from him.He’s moving his knee down between Louis’ thighs, moving to get on top of him, and he just wants Louis as close and he can get him, before the moment can have a chance to slip away.“Wait, I can’t—” he babbles, “Harry, there isn’t bloody space.”Harry grunts back at him, forehead pressed to Louis’ mouth, hand fiddling with something below Louis’ seat. Suddenly, the entire seat tips backwards, so they’re lying halfway down. “Fuck.”“It’s okay,” Harry says hastily, finding Louis’ mouth again, kissing him quiet.Louis is clawing at Harry’s back, fingers biting in as they kiss messily. It’s all clashing teeth and tongues and neither one of them can get enough.Harry has grown fully hard between them, pressing into Louis’ stomach, and the more he pushes into the skin of it, smelling Louis’ slick invade his senses, the more he needs him.“Turn over”, he grunts.Louis flicks his eyes down, eyebrows knitting together. “How do I—?”The whole ordeal is taking a bit too long and Harry grows impatient, reaching between them to flip Louis onto his belly, shoving his hips down into Louis’ arse as he does.“Like that”, he tells him, pushing his nose into Louis’ neck, sniffing him in, licking him while he fiddles with his zip. “Mhm, yeah, like that,” he groans appreciatively when he gets Louis’ jeans and pants down his arse, running a thumb down the slick crevice between his cheeks, “fuck, I wanna get in.”Louis just whines in response, arching his back obscenely up towards Harry.“Gonna put it in,” Harry warns, voice low and slurred against the nape of Louis’ neck, and then he’s pulled his dick out, lining the head up, “I’m gonna, I’m— Louis, I’m gonna, let me—”He waits impatiently for Louis to tell him it’s okay, head poking at his entrance as he does Nd Louis finally gasps out a small little “yes” and that’s all he needs, pushing into him with one hard shove of his hips.Louis moans out loudly from the start, slurring strings of “oh god, oh fuck, oh—“ together as Harry thrusts into him again and again.Harry grabs both of Louis’ wrists, folding them up into his own and placing them around the back of seat. “Hold onto something”, he tells him, and then he grabs the headrest himself, using it as leverage to push in at a rapid speed, getting every bit of himself deep into Louis’ arse, until he felt his balls begin to slap up against him, too.Louis’ whining into the leather seat his face is smushed into, noises getting lost in it, and Harry uses his hole, working his dick in and out, moaning loudly as he feels himself get closer and closer, all from using Louis like a fleshlight, getting his cock closer and closer to the edge.Louis is making all these whiny noises beneath him and it’s all Harry can do to let a small little string of “shh”’s pass his lips as he continues to deliver another hard thrust to his arse, followed by a stinging smack to it.“Shh, please, you— ungh, you’ve got to quiet down.”“Trying,” Louis croaks out and Harry
gives him another slap over the arse, and another, and another, until Louis starts to come and Harry just digs his nails into the sore fat of it.“God, I’m gonna have to burn the fuckin’ seat cover,” Harry pants, and Louis gives a breathy laugh against the damp leather under his mouth. “you’re all over it,” his palm collides with Louis’ arse once more and Louis winces, “ah, ah, I wanna come in you, can I, I wanna—”Then, right on the brink of his orgasm, he hears it, and he knows Louis does too.There’s a knock on the window.Louis snaps his head up immediately, looking Colin directly in the eyes when he does, and his entire body stills, like he’s been caught in some absolutely filthy act and he doesn’t know how to respond.He doesn’t move or speak or do anything really, he just lays there, staring at his husband, and then Harry’s staring at him too, head tilted down into the window, looking him directly in the eyes as he continues the repetition of his hips, Louis’ hole still tight around him.Colin doesn’t knock again, just stands there, and Harry doesn’t look away from him as he grips tightly onto Louis’ arse, thrusting as deep as he possibly can get, groaning as he does.He slaps Louis’ arse, once and then twice, and he’s so close he can feel it tingling in his toes, and then he’s coming, still looking Colin in the eyes.He doesn’t knot Louis, somehow not being able to bring himself to, pulling out after he comes, dizzy with it, and he doesn’t get to take a moment to even breathe before Louis’ stumbling out of the car, running off after his husband, and for the first time, it doesn’t sting.He kind of expected it, really.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
For the first time in a while, radio silence became a regular part of Harry’s relationship with Louis once more.Louis seemed to be avoiding popping by the flat to see the lads, though he knew he’d still been speaking to them as he had heard Niall on the phone with him a few nights prior.He never texted Harry, and Harry never made the effort to text him either, figuring he could pretty much gather for himself where their relationship currently stood.Harry wasn’t an idiot— he was well aware of what he’d done, and even if Colin had been okay with things in the past, it felt like he had so very clearly stepped over the line, in about a hundred different ways really, and well, in a way it had been worth it.The satisfaction of looking into Colin’s eyes when he finished, not sure whether or not he even knew Louis had been with him in the first place that night, had been worth it.It was silly and childish but well, Harry was feeling quite petulant.Colin got to have exactly what he never could, not the way he wanted, so it had felt like claiming Louis in a way, when he’d done so. It was stupid because Louis had Colin written all over him, but he had to try all the same. He just had to.… Harry spends copious amounts of time helping Niall and Zayn with their work in an attempt to screw his head back on straight.His whole intention of coming back while he was away from tour was to reconnect with his mates and prioritize his friendship with them and yet he’d neglected to take the time to do so what with everything else he’d gotten himself concerned with in his time here.Guilt began to nag at him when he thought about it for too long and offering to help Niall and Zayn helped it from rearing its ugly head.The lads seemed to be grateful for it, too, their launch having seen great success— even more so than they had planned, leading to them needing an all hands on deck approach.Thus, Harry had found himself packaging up orders, filling out order forms, and compiling social media posts for his mates, all based around their various toys available for sale.He didn’t mind it. The work was relatively easy, and it was easy to get lost in. Besides, it had been a long time since he’d done any actual work apart from touring, recording, interviews, and everything that came with the nonstop lifestyle of being a musician.In a way, it was nice to do work that allowed him to slow his pace for a while. It was a welcome adjustment.Oh, and Zayn kept bringing him his favorite danish from the bakery right up the road, as a little thank you, and that may have been an added bonus.He fell into an easy routine of it and it was one of his best forms of distracting himself that he’d thought up yet.… It had been two weeks since “the incident” as he had decided to refer to it as, and he was once again sat across from his sister, at yet another of their favorite lunch spots in the city, and it was very reminiscent of their meal all those months ago.Harry was very glad the two of them had been taking the time to actually spend time with one another now that he was away from tour, and this time, he felt proud in a way, to tell her that he thinks it was through between him and Louis.Of course when he tells her, she shoots him this obnoxiously skeptical look that takes the brunt of the pride away.“You’ve packed it away that fast, have you?”, she asked him before scooping a big bite of sun dried tomato and feta pasta into her mouth.A small smudge of sauce blotted itself onto the corner of her lip, which he pointed out to her and she dabbed it away, unbothered.“I dunno, Gems..maybe?”He scratches away at his curls then, not sounding convincing to even himself and well. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up.“Blow up in your face, then?”“How’d you know?”She laughed then.“Because I know you, Hazza. I know you didn’t just now decide to put your brain where your knot is. Only explanation for such a sudden conclusion.”Harry swallows and nods. He knows she means it exactly the way it is, blunt as she is, but it’s harsh nonetheless.“Well, anyways. It’s over, so.”He’s running his own fork through his plate of pasta, twirling the noodles up into it and then letting them fall back onto the plate, again and again, watching them fall and then twist into one another again.She leans over and squeezes his hand twice, gentle.“It’s okay, Haz. What happened exactly?”“Might be a sore thing to hear for your ears, being my sister and that.”“I think we’ve gone past that now, Haz, seriously.”“You’re right”. He coughs, awkwardly. “Well, I was dropping him off round his place and things got, um, well, they got heated up in the car. We’d been going at it for a bit so, uh, neither of us noticed but, ehm, his husband. He knocked. At the car window.”He knows he’s beet red by the time he’s done reliving it all, and he hopes Gemma isn’t judging him. Not today.Instead, she laughs, hands going to cover her mouth and all.“Haz, no!”“Yes, Gems, it’s so embarrassing now.”She gawked at that. “Now? What about then? I’d have been mortified!”That’s when Harry flushed a shade darker.“Well, Gems, I didn’t exactly stop.”Her eyes narrowed, head tilted slightly to the left.“Beg your pardon?”“When he knocked, Gems. I kept going. I’m the fucking worst.”He actually groaned then, burying his head into his palms and sighing out against the table beneath him.Being overdramatic felt so comforting sometimes.He couldn’t see her do it, but he just knew Gemma was rolling her eyes at him, unwilling to put up with his melodramatics.“You really are a sleazy fuckin’ Alpha”, she says, and it stings.“I’m not, Gems. It’s cause I care about him, swear. It was stupid and I should’ve had better self control but it was like, somehow I felt I could put my claim on him. To Colin.”Gemma reached out, poking him with the edge of one of her sharply manicured nails.“Get up, you sod.”He did, begrudgingly.“That’s the whole problem, Harry. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you”, she says, emphasizing practically every other word, throwing her hands madly about as she speaks. “There is no claim to be had. He’s married. What you signed up for is the leftovers, lad. Eat them and be happy or throw them away. Next!”He rolls his eyes, practically seething, allowing himself to be mad just this once— because he has been stifling it down every time it’s popped up for the longest and he can’t hold it in any longer.“Bloody— fuck, alright, Gems, alright! I get it. I know. I knew it then, I know it now, I knew he was married the whole bloody fucking time, okay?”He knows the way it sounds— icy cold and distant— it barely even registers as his own voice to even him.In a way, he hates she has to hear it but he’s just worn so paper thin.To his surprise, but ultimate solace, her expression hasn’t changed, relatively unfazed.“I wasn’t on your case, Harry. A gentle reminder was all but please, continue if you must.”“No, I’m sorry Gems. It just feels you always say the same thing and I just.. I know it, fuck. I do.”He hopes she can see it in his eyes— all the things he’s trying to say but will never be able to find the words to.It just hurts a little too much is all, being constantly reminded of everything he already knows.He couldn’t stand it.“Sometimes it helps to be reminded, Harry. It’s not like I make perfect decisions, either, but at some point you have to want better for yourself. If you don’t, you’re caught in a trap, and running from it isn’t going to help. Nor will anything I can say to you.” She smiles this sad little smile at him, and it’s the first time she’s done it, holding it back every time before.It’s a punch to the gut and he hates it, insides twisting at the sight of it.“Is it too much to hope I can have what I want and be happy, too?”, he asks. He thinks it shouldn’t have to be.Her fingers are tracing over his arm now, soothing him, her pasta going cold in front of her.“Often, it seems not, lad. I’m so sorry, I hate it too.”When he looks her in the eyes then, he sees it. It’s like the veil she always keeps upright has fallen, just a little, and he can see it plain as day that she’s felt exactly the way he has before— that she truly does understand.He knows then that everything she is telling him truly is in his best interest.He allows himself to shoot her a small smile then, warm and knowing, and he hopes she sees it for what it is.“S’pose there’s much at all that’s not shite about being an adult then?”, he asked then, allowing himself a good chuckle at it.“Please, you’re a filthy rich fucking rockstar and I’m making a pretty good living for myself too, I’d say we’ve not got much to say there. This is more about being human. Living and loving. An age old tale, isn’t it? Someone’s always bound to get hurt.”She was right, fuck, she always was. He hummed in response, still spinning his noodles about in his plate.“This time it’s you that’s lost but don’t fret yet. Next time, it could be the other way round. You win some, you lose some”, she says with a shrug, allowing herself a bite full of her sticky cold pasta. “Not sure either of you really won here, anyways.”“How so?”, he asks, after all, Louis had both him and his husband wrapped around his dainty pinky finger. It seemed to him he had won by a mile.Gemma looked to him then, expression blank, as if he were daft.“C’mon now! Didn’t you learn this when you stuck your hand on the hot stove when you were five? Once you’ve done something, it’s still out there in the open, and you have to face the consequences sometime. That’s all I’m saying.”Their waitress pops by then to check on them, awkward smile on her face, pretending to not have been eavesdropping a touch.They both smile and nod at her, letting her know they were doing well and didn’t need anything quite yet, thank you, and she went on her way.He looked back to her then, both of their plates having been pushed away from them, both of them giving up on them after their second or third ice cold bite.“Like, you think they’ll get divorced?”She shrugs, doesn’t really seem to care.“Who knows? Doesn’t matter if they do or don’t, the damage is still done.”“Not necessarily”, he argues, “some people are okay with opening up their love lives. Might both be just fine, really.”Their waitress comes back to deliver their bill and they each slide their cards into the pockets, Gemma failing to not roll her eyes at him as she does.“Sometimes I think you want to be dense, H, I really do.”He must look annoyed because she continues without him asking to, playful little smile quirking at her lips as she does.“You know what happened Haz. Everything you described to me doesn’t spell out a successful marriage to me, but it doesn’t matter. Whether they split or not, you need to walk away. It’s become too complicated. Why get tangled in the web?”That was a good question. He definitely didn’t want to.Really. He had zero interest in getting involved in something so mind numbingly complicated, especially at a time in his life when he was trying to bring about peace.Somehow the idea of losing Louis, though, well, it just always felt worse.Each and every time, he could never bring himself to make that choice, no matter how much he knew he had to.There comes a time in life when you have to rip off the band aid, and Harry’s not sure when he’ll find the strength. What if his hair gets caught in the adhesive? It could hurt really bad.It’s all too much to think about so he nods instead and tells her she’s right, because she is and he knows it, and he hates it, too.….Another few weeks go by and really he’s mostly good. That’s the great thing about Harry, he’s resilient.Having to get used to ever-changing schedules was just one of many norms for him, so he treated this as such and it helped. A lot.He, Zayn, and Niall had continued to be somewhat of a little trio, working on his mates’ company together and watching it thrive, and it was encouraging to see. He loved watching the pride light up his mates’ faces as they continued to reach goal after goal that they had set for themselves.In a way, it reminded him that there is always good around the corner, no matter how cliche that may be.Zayn and Niall had had many rough patches recently. Sales dropped for awhile and at times they struggled to source proper materials as well as a whole slew of other business mishaps Harry couldn’t even begin to detail. Nevertheless, they had pushed through and here they were.It was silly, but it was true. Life really does have a funny way of motivating you. If you look for it, it’s all around you, so he began to.However, no matter how many good days one has, there’s always a setback around the corner and well, Nick had invited him to a little get together one of his fellow radio hosts down at the station was throwing.Over the phone, Harry had been assured it was a small, intimate sort of gathering but upon arriving, he was picking his way through the throngs of partygoers.It all felt entirely too overwhelming so he had stumbled his way to the kitchen, not even having found Nick to give him a proper hello yet, and downed three quick shots in succession.Afterwards, he felt a great deal better, pouring himself one final solo cup of the party punch to take with him as he went to bumble around, buzzing from person to person, being the happy go lucky little social butterfly he had learned to be.For so many reasons, this was when he felt most alive. Comfort thrummed through his veins as he greeted person after person, not committing a single name to memory.This was what he did. This was what he was good at. It was easy, drinking far too sugary drinks and laughing far too loudly, saying way too nice things to people he’d just met that he didn’t really mean.It brought a sick sort of comfort, reminding him of his time on tour, and he swallowed the feeling down as quickly as it surfaced, refusing to give into that right now.He found Nick not too much later, leaned lazily against a wall in the far corner of the house, dangling the neck of a beer bottle between his fingers, chatting up some bloke across from him.As Harry nears, he recognizes the other lad, some guy who had been to a few of these events prior.He nods to greet him, and says hello to Grimmy too, who almost seems annoyed, like Harry’s interrupting which, he’s the one who invited him.Harry smiles primly, choosing to ignore it.They make idle conversation for a few minutes and Harry feels like he’s overstayed his welcome somehow, an uncomfortable feeling to have around one of his best mates.Nevertheless, the night stretches on around him, Harry drinking far too much while saying way too many things he probably shouldn’t, dancing a bit too much, too, shirt clinging to his back with sweat.It was late when he stumbled out of there and he doesn’t even really know where he planned to go. He just really needed to take a walk.The streetlights were twinkling around him and well, life is just great isn’t it?He’s far too drunk and he can feel it, giggling as he traipsed down the street, ogling everything he passes.He’s not sure how long it takes but he ends up at a door he’s come to recognize a little too much, awful little lump in his throat, despite the carefree feeling in his chest from the punch.He’s at Louis’ place, somehow, someway. He really ought to go, but he reaches out instead, ringing the doorbell, clinging onto that idiotic feeling of hope again, and he could scream at himself, but it would be no use. His finger would hit the doorbell anyways, no matter what he did, because in the end, it was Louis, and isn’t that what it all seemed to boil down to, time and time again?Nobody answers the door for a minute, and it’s quiet all around him. The air is much too cold, chilling the tips of his nose and ears, and this winter really has too much of a bite to it, he thinks.He’s got a gray hoodie on, pulled over his head as well as long black parka coat on, but neither are doing much for the ice thrumming in his veins.He’s much too impatient really, waiting at the door, but finally Louis opens it, clearly not having checked the peephole.“What?”, he asks, chain still pulled tight, not even having registered who he was seeing yet, but then he does. Harry catches it the very moment of happens.Harry doesn’t say anything, but Louis does move to undo the chain, opening the door for him.Louis clears his throat, breaking the silence where Harry won’t. “What are you doing here, Harry?”Harry drops his gaze, scoffing his boot around on the front step for a moment. “You haven’t been round in a while,” he drawls, and the sound of his voice is too rough for even his own ears, slurred and syrupy slow. Louis clears his throat then, but Harry continues on, not sure why he’s even saying any of it in the first place. “And I was— I was just right round the corner, so I thought I might as well just…” he scratches a hand through his hair, “might as well. You know?”Louis looks him up and down, eyes narrowing. “Are you drunk?”“No,” Harry says, small grin tugging at one side of his mouth. His eyes are fuzzy and dark. He’s stretching the truth and they both know it. “Not very much so.”Louis ducks his head, wiping a hand across his face, and when he looks up, he looks tired, small little creases at the corners of his eyes, and he gives Harry this sad, tight-lipped little smile.“Right”, he says, voice barely louder than a whisper, wavering the entire time. “Okay, you’re drunk and you’re comin’ round for a shag now, I get it. Ehm, but, Harry, listen—“It sounds an awful lot like rejection and Harry can’t bear to hear the words form from the boy’s mouth, choosing to cut him off and wager with him instead. Surely he misses it the way Harry can’t shake. Surely he’s not in this alone.“I get it if he’s home and you can’t, uhm— I get it if the time’s not right, right now, or the place, or, uhm…”He’s not sure what the point of anything he’s saying is other than a way of saying “hey, I miss your touch. More than anything, actually, but it’s friendly, I swear” without having to say just that.He’s swaying, trying to think of the right words to say and his mind is just a wee bit jumbled up from all the drink and the bite of the wind at his cheeks, and well, he can’t make sense of anything. Everything is just swirling around him and he’s the centerpiece, taking it all in.Louis looks up at him though, grounding him in more ways than one, and smiles at him, soft and sad. “What party were you at?”, he asks him.“Just, like… round the corner,” Harry says, throwing a slack hand to his right like that answers the question, “my friend had a little thing, so… Anyway, I just recognized your street, cause I remembered when I’ve driven you home, so…” He tugs on the side of his mouth again, eyes crinkling up, “might as well, yeah?”Yeah, might as well. Or at least he’d thought so when he was stumbling in the street, a bit tipsier than now. He was so silly back then.“Might as well,” Louis echoes, tapping the door-handle, grinning at him, and it’s like time has allowed them this moment, just this once. Right then, for that one little moment, it was just them and they could exist in each other’s presence and that could be that. All was silent around them and for a moment, Harry felt content. He wondered if Louis did too.Louis seemed to snap out of it before Harry ever cared to, though.“Right, listen,” he says, redirecting the conversation, “Colin and I had a bit of a chat about this whole… you know, thing, and— it’s got a bit too much for him. So we can’t do this anymore.”It’s not like Harry hadn’t known or at the very least expected it. Really, he doesn’t blame Colin. He never did understand his lack of care to begin with. But, well.Why now? Why after all this time?“Do what? We’re not doing anything, really. Just convenient fun”, he finds himself saying, and he hears the way the last two words fall off his tongue, almost a jab.At what point did either of them let themselves admit that this whole thing had become very, very inconvenient? Still fun, he’d admit, despite the desire to think otherwise, but very, very inconvenient.Louis leans forward, a bit too close, and pokes two fingers into Harry’s chest.“Harry,” he says, “it’s enough now, yeah? It wasn’t ever meant to be a long-lasting thing. You didn’t think it was, did you?”Harry scrunches his nose up, grinning lopsidedly. “Thought it might last for as long as I was around.” And well, he had. Figured there was no shame in enjoying each other’s company while they could and distance would equate to a clean break whenever he did leave again.“Well.” Louis shrugs a shoulder, dropping his gaze to his feet. “Maybe it would’ve if you’d stayed around the same amount of time you usually do.”“What’s that supposed to mean?”Louis looks back up at him. “That you don’t tend to stay in one place for long, do you? You haven’t for a long while anyway.”“Right.” Harry nods. It would always bother him— the way Louis seemed to have such a generic viewpoint of who he is and how he is. He licks over his lips, glancing over Louis’ shoulder, nostrils widening just a bit. “He’s not home, is he?”“No.”“We could go, if you wanted. We could go, just to round it off.” He looks back at Louis, licking his lips. “Like, just quickly.” This way is better. This way, they can just pretend. For a little longer. Once more. He could pretend that would be enough if Louis could.Louis rolls his eyes at him, heaving out this big puff of air, but it’s shaky, breath caught in his throat, and Harry can see right through him.They are one and the same.“Louis, please”, Harry pleads, allowing himself to whine for once because he never does. He needs this. It’s clawing away at his insides and he could really use another drink. Now. “I want it.”Louis flattens his entire palm against Harry’s chest then. “You’re drunk”, he says.Harry takes his chance then, grabbing Louis’ hand up into his own and sniffing at his wrist, breathing in as much of his scent as he could.“Oh, please don’t—“Harry cuts him off. “You smell so lovely, Lou”, he tells him, licking all over the skin of his hands. He lets his tongue trace over his palm, the wrist, the fingers. “You look so lovely, you look so, so—“He just can’t stop. It’s playing on a loop in head.Louis yanks back then, looking stern. “It’s done”, he says, allowing the finality to seep through his voice. “This is done, okay? We can still be friends.”And, yeah right. Like either of them actually expected that to be a possible scenario now.“Oh, fuck off”, he scoffs at Louis, actually offended.It felt like the offering up of a consolation prize. It felt like a stab to the gut.Louis stumbles backwards then, putting distance between the two of them.“What’s your fucking problem?” he hisses at him, “what, I’m not worth your precious time unless you get to stick your dick in me? But you’ll hang out with all the other lads, you’ll hang out with all your fancy fuckin’ friends, but me it’s just— it’s just sex, innit? It’s just sex to you, there’s nothing else to me.”Every word crawled under his skin, deeper and deeper, and really, fuck this. So many things he chose to overlook but out of everything, he never could get past how Louis chose to see him as some sort of stereotypical archetype of an over sexualizing Alpha.He threw it at him, time and time again, and each time the bullet lodged deeper.He rolls his eyes at Louis, making sure he sees the irritation in it.“Don’t twist my words,” he says, “maybe I just don’t find it very fun to get thrown away soon as you and your husbands little deadbed marriage experiment’s done with. Give me a fucking break, I’m allowed to react, we’ve been fucking twice a week and now it’s just ended, like- just like that.”He knows it’s harsh. He knows that it’s possible Louis hasn’t even come to terms with it himself, the fact that his marriage, the relationship he had with the only man he’d ever been with other than Harry, was on its last leg.And yet he finds himself saying it anyways, unable to stop himself, all the anger and confusion he’d been bottling away for later spilling out into the open air between them.“Yeah, and you’ve been fucking three other people every other day of the week, so I’m sure you’ll be all right,” Louis spits.Harry wonders if Louis thinks it’s true, but he doesn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t move a single muscle on his face other than to narrow his eyes at Louis, and suddenly he’s just so fucking aware of how bad of an idea this all was.The more everything goes to shit around him, the more he begins to sober up, and suddenly he just needs to get away. He really fucking does.“Fuck off,” he tells Louis, stumbling backwards down the garden path, properly angry now, allowing himself to steam with it. “Then fuck off, fuck it, then, fuck you.” He turns, then turns again, coming back up toward Louis, yelling; “and I hope you had fun telling your husband about my massive fetish-cock, I hope I served my purpose as your fucking marriage revival shit—”He can’t even finish his spiel, watching for any sign of Louis’ resolve slipping, before Louis’ phone begins to ring, cutting into the tension between them.Louis reaches for it automatically, out of habit more so than an actual desire to take any out offered up to him by the universe’s good graces.When he does, they both see the name bouncing back at them off the screen.“Pick it up, then,” Harry snorts, “that’s your husband, innit, pick it up. I’m just the guy who’s exchangeable for a piece of fuckin’ rubber.”He’s almost ashamed of the things he’s saying. He never acts like this. Never— but he’s got a splitting headache from the sugary alcohol he had drink far too much of and he’s reached his breaking point, really.He turns back around, heading back down the path instead. It’s better to just walk away.He hears Louis greet Colin over the phone as he walks away, and then he hears everything shift.“Talk to me darling, please, are you hurt? Are you all right?”, he hears Louis saying, voice strained. Harry hears the anxiety hanging off of his every word.He turns back around, again, feet making their way back before his minds had time to even catch up.All he knows is something’s wrong, and that was enough for his walls to come crumbling down, harsh, red-hot exterior falling to shit along with everything else beneath him.Louis’ panting, eyes wide, phone still clutched firmly to his ear when Harry reaches him again.“What’s happened?”, he asks Louis, voice urgent, demanding answers— demanding a way to help.Louis asks the same thing into the receiver, frantically, twice, before he gets an answer on the other end.Harry’s looped his arm around Louis to steady him when he arrived and Louis has dug his nails into the skin of it, at whatever he hears from Colin.“Betty? Is it Betty, Colin, is she all right?”, he’s asking, voice getting higher and higher in pitch as the conversation continues.Harry hears some muffled speech on the other line but still tries to piece it all together, watching Louis work himself up more and more.“Is she all right, Colin? Just tell me she’s all right?”He’s yelling now, voice raspy from it, and it sounds an awful lot like he’s pleading, hoping beyond measure to hear anything good and Harry grows more and more concerned with each passing moment.Then, Louis sobs.It’s automatic, ripping straight from his chest and striking through the night air.It hits Harry deep in the chest and he’s powerless to stop it.Betty’s gone.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The way Harry immediately sobers up is almost instinct, guiding hand going to lead Louis back to his car that’s parked a few streets over, at the party he had left not too long ago, back when things somehow, impossibly seemed simpler.It’s not very long before they’ve reached the car, and even shorter after that that they reach Colin at the 7-11 everything had happened at.Louis is yanking the passenger door open, flying from his seat before Harry even has the opportunity to park, desperate to make it all go away— to make it all better.Colin is standing outside, shoulders shaking and heaving from the force of the sobs wracking his body and he looks distraught, face splotchy red and nose runny. He looks an entire portrait of a mess.Harry is right behind Louis, making sure to be there the entire time, watching him as he moves closer and closer, looking for Betty.“Don’t look at it”, Colin cries out sadly to Louis, as soon as he notices, and he doesn’t even notice Harry’s there, or at least he chooses not to comment on it.Harry’s not sure it matters much now, anyways.Louis ignores Colin, rushing up to him and taking his face in his hands, inspecting every inch of his miserable looking face.“You all right? You’re not hurt, are you?”Colin shakes his head frantically. His eyes are wide, terrified, and they keep flickering over to a spot somewhere behind Louis, who notices as soon as Harry does, turning to have a look.“No,” Colin sniffles, but he doesn’t reach out in an attempt to try to turn Louis back around, “no no no…”Louis keeps walking, feet taking him where Colin’s eyes will go but his body wont.Harry sees it the moment Louis catches sight of whatever it was Colin had been staring at, horror etched onto his face, mixed with a touch of disbelief.His own cheeks were growing redder and redder and he spun on his heel, marching back towards towards them both now.“Where is she?”, he asks.Colin is shaking, still, Harry standing nearer to him now, rubbing over his back in soothing, rhythmic circles.“Colin, where is she?” Louis repeats, his voice thin, but sharp.Colin is hiccuping out every other word, barely coherent as he speaks, a bundle of nerves and shock. “She… they… The guy, he helped me, he took her and put her.”“Put her?”, Louis asks.Colin looks up to Louis then, eyes welling up again, looking like liquid steel. He bites into his bottom lip.Then, he points. Over to the corner there’s a black sack, and the realization washes over Harry and Louis at the same time, knowing little gasps slicing through the air.“They were very sorry, they were very nice about it, she ran right out in front of them, it wasn’t their fault and then they helped me, they—”Colin is rambling, moving forward with any and every attempt to smooth this over in any way possible. Harry can hear it in his voice— how desperately he wants things to be okay, no matter how much he knows they’re not.“Oh my god,” Louis cuts through, breath hitching, “oh my god, is she— oh no. Oh, no, no…”Louis is in disbelief, panic coloring his voice as he runs toward the sack, desperate to make his sweet pup be okay.Colin screams out to him, “Don’t look”, all choked up and sad, and Louis is moving forward anyways.Harry knows as well as Colin that Louis will be broken if he opens the sack, and the images of such cloud his head.It is instinct when he snarls, lurching forward to twist his arm around Louis’ hip, preventing him from pursuing his goal of investigating the black sack laid morosely off to the side.He tethers his arms to Louis, not trusting him to stay if he doesn’t, holding him to the same spot.Colin is babbling on and on, incoherent and pleading, bargaining with Louis in every way to not look, resorting to graphic detail that only screws Louis’ face up worse.“Shut up!”, Louis screams at him then, and they all do. For a while, none of them speak, silence choking them, almost.Colin backs up, slouching into a gate off to the side, sobbing, still in hysterics.Harry hears himself, moaning miserably to himself, blaming himself for the nights events, wallowing in his own self pity.Harry can’t help but to feel poorly for the bloke. He’s absolutely torn to pieces right out in front of him, and it’s a bit agonizing to see.His mind can’t entirely focus on Colin, though, no matter how much empathy tries to push through.Instead, his instincts take over, nosing into Louis’ neck, itching to nurture him instead.When he tells Louis not to look into the bag, at least until he has had the chance to, he knows Louis will listen to him, instead, and he tries not to choke on the feeling of that, also.Louis calms down, slowly but surely, Harry only letting him go once his breathing has steadied.Harry moves to go check out the sack, grimacing when he does catch sight of the inside contents.He closes the sack back up, and when looks behind him, Louis’ gone, hidden away in Harry’s car.Harry moves to load the poor sack into the boot of car while Colin goes to get in, to mope to himself or to comfort Louis, Harry’s not sure.Harry closes up the boot and hops into the drivers seat, but the car ride hope is miserable.Colin is the soundtrack of the entire ride back to Louis and his’ place, detailing over and over how terribly sorry he is, placing the blame entirely on himself, and wailing loudly, allowing absolutely nobody to escape the current situation for even a moment of peace.Louis is stiff in his seat the entire ride home, digging his nails into Harry’s hand where it rests on his thigh.They don’t talk about it, but Harry moves to come inside with them when they arrive, figuring it’s the only way. It just felt right.He doesn’t retrieve Betty from the boot and neither does Colin, neither of them able to quite yet. Instead, they all go inside.They all move into the kitchen and its second-nature, Harry pulling out a kitchen chair for Louis to sit in and getting the kettle started, moving to make some tea for the lot of them.He tunes in to every single sound, action, and reaction coming from Louis, making it his sole mission to console him, and to be there for him.At some point during the process, Colin excuses himself, heading off to the loo. Harry suspects he’s going to cry some more, reading the room finally, but he’s not sure.The tea is ready and Harry separates it into three, large mugs— one for each of them, placing them down onto the countertop.Then, he comes behind Louis, resting his large hands on his shoulders and squeezes, comfortingly.“I’m really, really sorry about this,” he says, thumbs rubbing circles on Louis’ shoulders, “I can tell you don’t want to talk so we don’t have to, but I won’t leave unless you ask me to.”“Okay”, Louis says, acknowledging him, and he reaches out to grab his mug, tipping it towards his lips to allow the hot drink to warm him up, from the inside out.Harry could go for some of the same.They don’t speak much, if at all, but Louis doesn’t ask him to leave, and neither does Colin when ten minutes later he re-emerges, looking worse still, chanting a string of apologies into Louis’ ear as he cradles him from the side.Harry doesn’t leave because they don’t ask and because it still doesn’t feel right — just traces soothing circles onto each of their backs, humming softly, letting them know he’s there.He’s not sure if it’s helping much, but he figures it must be at least a little.After a while, Harry decides to go fetch Betty from the boot, at least moving the sack from out of the car, allowing Louis and Colin some time to chat, just the two of them.It’s not much later when he gets back but the Colin has wandered up to their room and Louis is sat idly at a lone chair in the kitchen. He’s got this vacant look on his face, and Harry worries about him even more.He’s not crying, he’s just staring brokenly into the distance and somehow that seems worse, Harry thinks.Harry wanders toward him without a thought, encroaching on the boys space.“Hey”, Harry murmurs, breath hot against Louis’ skin. Louis looks up to him then, emitting a small growl from Harry.Harry crouches over him, shielding him from all that he can, in any way he can. Louis doesn’t say anything but Harry nuzzles his lips into the top of Louis’ head and kisses into it, allowing the silence to envelope them.It doesn’t have to be awkward, the silence. Sometimes, it’s just something that is. They stand there for seemingly forever, and in many ways, he knows it helps Louis. His face goes through emotion after emotion, flickering through them like he can’t quite decide which one to settle upon.Harry doesn’t pry because he knows Louis would refuse to open up if he did, and he knows Louis is grateful for it. He can tell.Neither of them ever go to move, standing in the little bubble they’ve created for themselves for as long as time allows.It is only when Colin rounds the corner, voice wrecked and the weakest Harry’s ever heard it when he calls for them, that they pull away. “Guys, come up to bed”, he says, and it sounds an awful lot like he’s begging them to rather than asking.Every time Harry sees him, Harry feels worse for Colin, and it eats away at him, the weight of who he is to the two of them hanging even heavier in the air between them, somehow.Colin even looks to Harry and says, “you too, if you want”, making sure to directly extend the invitation to him.Harry stands there and he’s just a bit confused. Everything feels like it has subtly shifted somehow. He’s not quite sure what tomake of it.Harry turns to Louis, questioning, deciding he would know. He always knows.questioning. “Yeah,” Louis breathes, after a beat, “yeah, if you want to. S’a big bed, there’s... there’s room for all three of us.”That’s enough for Harry. It was the only answer, all of a sudden.The three of them go to bed, much too late, and it all feels like he’s digging himself into an even deeper hole, but he can’t bring himself to leave.He’s not touching Colin and in a way, he’s glad he’s not. Louis is lying in the middle and he’s rigid between them, and Harry can’t help but to wonder what he must be thinking. Is he just as confused? Does he have whiplash, too?Harry stays there for the whole night, everything left unsaid, the weight of it all hanging in the still, dead air of the night and he’s not sure if he ever does do much sleeping.Louis doesn’t move for the longest time and Harry would be sure he was asleep himself if he didn’t know better.Colin on the other hand passed out almost immediately, craving the peace sleep would bring.Harry’s not sure when he falls asleep but eventually it overcomes him.… If Harry thought the morning was to bring any more clarity, he was mistaken. In fact, he finds himself waking up with a grunt the next morning, soothing Colin with those same fluid circles again. The night was repeating itself it seemed and Harry’s throat felt so fucking dry. He was choking on the confusion of it all.Louis isn’t in the bed with them, which only makes it all feel weirder. Harry hears the shower drumming away in the background and he wonders if Louis is really worried about getting clean or if he is letting the water strip his skin bare, standing there until it’s icy cold and his skin is shriveled like a grape, disassociating, or trying to, until he can’t stand it any longer. Harry kind of feels it’s the latter.He’s not sure how long he sits there, trying to comfort a man he barely knows, when Louis wanders back in, hair falling into his eyes, damp and soft.Harry looks to him, taking the sight of Louis standing there in only a tower all the way in, trailing one of his fingers up and down the length of Colin’s spine as he does.He smiles softly at the boy before him. “Hi”, he breathes, “good shower?”Louis doesn’t look up but mutters back a quick “yeah”, moving to retrieve a pair of black briefs from somewhere along the floor. “Sleep all right?”Harry looks back to Colin then, back to his fingers that still lingered on his back, feeling as foreign as they looked.“Yeah”, he murmurs in response.Louis climbs onto the bed a moment later, wearing only his briefs, and he clutches onto Colin tight, anchoring himself to him.Louis looks into his eyes and shoots him this sweet little half-smile that doesn’t quite reach his own eyes.“Darling,” he says softly, “babe, it’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose, please don’t blame yourself, I don’t blame you one bit.”His words hang in the air, so obviously meant to be comforting, but they don’t quite do the trick. Louis sounded so desperate to convince Colin of everything being okay, smoothing it over, as if he was trying to convince himself, too, with each word that fell past his lips.“I’ll go make tea”, Harry offers, moving to get off the bed so Louis could have his spot. He kind of felt like he was overstaying his welcome, all of a sudden— like Louis’ words for falling on deaf ears, solely because he was there.So, he goes down to the kitchen and he prepares his first cup of many, for all three of them. It feels like the makings of a twisted sort of routine and Harry is sick to his stomach at the thought of it.…. Despite how much Harry is driving his own self crazy, with every passing minute he stays at their house, he can’t bring himself to leave. Louis is still closed off, so clearly detached from the horror of everything that’s transpired over the past day and Harry feels this annoying pull gravitating him towards him, helping him in anyway he can no matter how his brain may protest.He whips the three of them up a stellar breakfast fry-up, if he does say so himself, an absolutely killer combo when it comes to sorting out tough feelings in the form of comfort food, but the three of them sit and eat it relatively quietly, nobody daring to speak. Harry doesn’t speak because he fears saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, but he’s not sure that’s why Colin or Louis choose not to. If he didn’t feel so compelled to stay, it would feel uncomfortable, but he does, so instead, when he starts feeling a bit awkward or ill for ease, he busied himself with preparing yet another steeping brew of tea for them, occupying his mind as well as his hands.The day continued on like that and in a way, it all began to flow with an easy sort of rhythm for Harry, all of his instincts kicking in to do just the right thing at just the right time for Louis.Louis doesn’t speak much, not even as the day progresses, but Harry doesn’t expect to, whereas Colin does, pushing for his own relief.Harry pops out later in the day, grabbing them even more comfort food. This time, it’s Indian takeout, one of Louis’ favorites and he knows it.When he whisks back into the house, he brings with him the mouthwatering scent of fresh naan, butter chicken, and vegetable byriani. He knowsit will boost Louis’ mood, if only a little. He’s never been able to pass his favorites up before.They throw a light hearted movie onto the television while they eat, Harry sandwiched between the two of them on the couch. Harry’s not sure any of them actually pay attention to the film or if they just appreciate the background noise it provides, the way he does.…It’s just past five pm and somehow Harry is still at their place, walking the halls as if he belongs there, all of it feeling a bit foreign to him.Louis has gone off for a bathroom break that’s far extended the length of any normal one and their movie’s ended long ago, the day fading around them.Colin is still sniffling, outwardly taking the loss the hardest and Harry feels a bit like crawling out of his own body, leaving the shell to do the comforting instead.Instead, he lets Colin drop his head into his chest and heave, throwing himself the same pity party but this time allowing it to get swallowed up and muffled by the material of Harry’s hoodie.“I’m just trying to keep on a brave face cause he’s taking it so well, but I feel so bad, it’s all my fault, I should be the one comforting him”, he wails into Harry’s pectoral and, well. If it made him feel better at all, Harry knew Louis wasn’t taking it nearly as well as he may appear to be, always having been the type to bury any of his more difficult emotions, allowing them to stew until they cant any longer, rotting away from the inside out.He doesn’t tell Colin that, though. He keeps it simple rather, opting for sweet and soothing bouts of “it’s okay, shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, I get it, I get it”, repeating the words until they’ve lost all meaning.Colin seems to appreciate it, though, and in turn Harry knows Louis will appreciate it. It all goes back to him in the end.And then he’s pushing past the door, joining them where they now lay in the bedroom, and Colin tries to immediately hide any evidence of his wailing, straightening up and smiling timidly over to his husband with Harry’s arm still linked around his shoulder.“Hey”, he says to Louis, and his voice is much too soft.Louis nods, mumbles a small hi back, but things go back to much of the same, the three of them watching movies silently, being there for each other without really doing anything.Colin falls asleep not long into it, nodding his head into Harry’s shoulder as he dozes off, and Harry feels the tip of his nose blazing into his shoulder. It’s the only thing he’s aware of, and it just feels so wrong. Every fiber of his being beckons for him to push the man off of him, to nuzzle into Louis instead, but he leaves it be, allows his arm to go numb with it instead. …. After much too long, Harry sees the beginnings of another set of credits begin to role and it sort of feels like his cue.He really has done his part, hasn’t he? What happened truly was awful, but he does have to go back to the lads’ eventually. He can’t just stay round their place as if he’s on call.He moves to gather everything up around him, tidying the space so Louis won’t have to. He gathers all of their take-out trash, binning it, and then begins to pull on his coat and shoes because, he should go. He should.Colin’s still asleep, now slouched into the headboard rather than Harry’s shoulder and Louis doesn’t bother getting up from his spot he’s cozied up in on the bed. “You leaving?”, he calls out.Colin does stir at that, shifting around, mumbling as he does.“Yeah, I’m gonna head home.”Colin stirs even more at that, moving to straighten up and say his goodbyes, polite as he always is. “Oh”, he says, swiping one of his hands across his eyes, rubbing himself out of his stupor. “Yeah, all right. Hope I didn’t make you feel you had to leave, mate, it’s been nice having you here.”The worst part is no matter how sleep-ruffled Colin may have looked, the words on his tongue were genuine, Harry could tell.Louis’ nodding beside Colin as if he agrees and Harry can’t help the feeling nagging away inside of him that hopes he did. It’s really the only reason he did it all. For him. For his comfort. For his approval. To prove to him he was capable of being a good Alpha.Even realizing the extent of why he was there exactly began to feel overwhelming for Harry, the entirety of the night before playing on a loop through his head. It was an echo he couldn’t stop, and well, he needs to say goodbye.“No, I’ve got a few things to take care of, so,” he mutters vaguely, then looks up towards them again and asks; “you guys are all right, right?” It sounds directed at them both, but he’s only looking at Louis. The way he says it is intentional and he knows it has to be obvious but neither of them show it.“Yeah. Yeah, we’re all right, thank you so much for staying round and… taking care of us.”It’s Louis who speaks, and Harry is appreciative, knowing that even if the pair of them had a hell of a resolve, they still knew and they gave in, giving him what he needed, if only a little.Harry smiles up towards Louis, satisfied with the response the way Louis had to know he would be. “Of course”, he tells him.He looks down, fidgeting with his shirt for a moment, debating the best way to head out now, when he does it. Almost instinctually, he swings in, scooping Louis into his arms and kisses him, once. There’s nothing sexual about it— a quick and chaste, goodbye peck of a kiss.When he pulls away, he feels it was too much, feeling the weight of everybody’s eyes on him so he leans over to Colin, giving him a smack of a kiss, too.He doesn’t look either of them in the eyes when he pulls away— he can’t bring himself to.“Goodbye guys, call me if you need anything”, he calls out, and he makes his way out, still not daring to look.He’s made it down past the stairs, grabbing the poor sack from where he’d stored it in the kitchen earlier, when Louis catches up to him.Harry is standing over the box-freezer, in the process of retrieving her, when Louis pops his head over for a look, saying, “what’s this?”Harry moves to stop him, shouting out for him not to look, but it’s too late. He hadn’t even noticed Louis round the corner, and he knows he sees it as soon as hears the long, drawn out whine in the boy’s throat.“Oh god”, Louis cries out, voice teetering on the edge of brokenness. For the first time in the last 24 hours, Louis failing was to keep the littlest edge of vulnerability from peeping through.He goes to reach out for poor Betty, then— almost in disbelief, and Harry sees it this time, looping one of his large arms around him and pulling him in so that he’s unable to do so.Still holding onto Louis, tightly, with one arm, he uses his other to snap down the lid on the box freezer.He presses Louis up against the nearest wall then, grounding him, winding the two of their bodies into one. He gets Louis’ arms and legs locked around his waist and his shoulders and he whispers sweetly to him as the boy continues to whine into his neck.“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay”, he tells him, over and over as the boys tears splash onto the warm skin of Harry’s nape.He leans forward, clasping his hands onto the boys cheeks, licking them soothingly, repeatedly.“It’s okay, let it out, it’s okay. I’ll take care of you, babe. I’ll take care of you.”It’s not often that Louis falls apart like this and Harry works tirelessly to cheer him up, soothing the boy as he cries every last tear he has to shed in the warm confines of his arms.He’s not sure how long Louis does end up crying, but it’s long enough that his face is swollen and patchy-red, temples throbbing from the extent of the pressure in his head.The boy has to be dehydrated and Harry can’t stand it, going to lay him down on the couch, bring him water, make him comfortable.He gets this boy all cozy and settled, leaning forward to kiss and lick any remnants of tears from his cheeks as he does, nuzzling into his nose.“I’m gonna stay the night,” he tells him, as his gentle hands ride up and down Louis’ sides, “I’m gonna take care of you, you’re not going to be sad without me here, I’ve got to take care of you.”Louis doesn’t object.Harry gets up after a bit, reaching a hand down for Louis and they walk wordlessly upstairs together.Colin’s confused when they walk in but as soon as he sees Louis’ cried-out face, his expression goes back to soft and sorry, stretching his arms out for Louis to crawl into. Louis lets Colin pull him close, kissing and comfort him while Harry flicks off all the lights and Colin doesn’t say anything when Harry slips in on the other side of Louis, or when he snuggles close to his side, arm laying over Louis’ stomach, or when the hand of that arm comes to rest on Colin’s hip.Instead he kisses Louis on the temple and then threads Harry’s fingers up in his own and says goodnight to them both.They fall asleep like that again, all three, together.