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Bruce rested on the edge of the viewport aboard
The Statesman
, watching the vast expanse of space with none of the childlike wonder he once had. Where the prospect of space travel had once seemed amazing and like Bruce’s chance to learn so much about their universe, it now felt like nothing but the cold, silent void that it was, filled with one extraterrestrial benefit for every ten detriments.
Over the last two years that he had spent on Sakaar plus the few weeks he’d spent adrift in empty space before crash-landing there, he had quickly become as disillusioned with the rest of his galaxy as he was his home planet.
Not that he had seen everything and been everywhere but that desire to boldly go where no one had gone before was dormant and Bruce had one more thing to add to his list of bitter life experiences.
And now with Asgard’s destruction by Hela and Surtur, the bitterness only increased. Thor had regaled Bruce with story after story during their time as Avengers and he’d provided even more detail during their trip from Sakaar to Asgard.
Bruce had been hopeful for a split second. He had thought that perhaps he might be able to find his place amongst a race of abnormally strong people, people who valued science and who had a vast knowledge of the rest of the universe that humans didn’t. But now the one place he had thought he might be able to settle comfortably was gone.
“A penny for your thoughts, Dr Banner?”
Bruce snorted softly, so used to never really being alone anymore that he didn’t even startle at the sudden break in silence. Nor did he move from his spot leaning on the viewport edge. “Conversing’s never really been something we’ve done, Loki.”
“True but things change. People change.”
Bruce eyed him sidelong, not sure what he wanted but not intrigued enough to bother asking.
“People don’t change,” Bruce responded after a moment, his tone as bitter as he felt.
Loki sighed and leaned against the wall next to Bruce’s spot, peeling one of the Asgardian fruits Bruce had forgotten the name of with a dagger.
“Be that as it may, between my brother, the Kronan, or the Valkyrie, you are the most… tolerable conversational candidate. So, what ails you?”
Bruce turned to look at Loki but didn’t move closer. It was odd to think about how their relationship had changed between their first ever meeting and now. Loki had seen him as nothing more than a beast to do his bidding and Bruce had seen nothing but a threat, a spoiled alien threat.
Now there was a certain level of, not camaraderie, but respect. More importantly, there was a mutual understanding between them that Bruce didn’t fully understand the foundation for but recognized its presence all the same.
Bruce looked back out of the viewport as he spoke.
“Have you ever longed for something that doesn’t actually exist?”
“Elaborate.”
“Home. I have this… this intense longing to go home.”
Loki tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Yes, well, we are on our way to Earth and that very much does exist.”
“That’s not… Earth is where I was born but there’s nowhere on that planet that is
home
to me. Despite how much the majority don’t even want me and Hulk there, I tried hard to make so many different places a home, so many different people, but they never stuck. And now there’s nothing I want more than to go home but it… it doesn't exist.”
Loki was quiet for a long time, staring out of the viewport beside Bruce, the fruit half-peeled in his hands and expression unreadable.
“Still don’t get it?” Bruce asked after a few more moments of silence, both surprised and disappointed if that really was the case.
“Actually, I believe I might be the only one aboard this ship who does.”
“Mm. What
will
you do when you get to Earth?”
“I’ve wondered that myself.” Loki cut a slice off and ate it, swallowing and looking down at Bruce. “I’ve considered shifting to a more… agreeable appearance. Starting anew.”
“Live in a body that’s not your own? Sounds tiring.”
Because two years of being Hulk had been hell on earth. They had a much better relationship now, that was true, but being on the inside and only able to look out had been unbearable. For two years, he had been a non-corporeal being, capable of nothing but speech and even thought was only heard by one other person who regularly quieted him.
It was after that that Bruce promised Hulk to let him out more often. And even if Loki would still be in control of his own limbs and able to speak and interact directly with others, it would still be its own kind of hell.
Loki chuckled softly and Bruce looked up to see a wry smile on his face. He reached out a hand towards Bruce and Bruce watched as it slowly turned a deep blue from his fingertips to his wrist and then in an instant was back to its usual pallor.
“It is tiring but I’ve been doing just that for almost a thousand years. Another thousand can’t hurt. Granted, it was not until recently that I discovered I could fully change.”
“You’re not Asgardian?”
“Oh. Norns no. Jotun. A Frost Giant,” he simplified when Bruce still looked perplexed. “Hela was the first secret amongst many that our father hid from us, not the last. I was taken from my realm during a war, brought to Asgard as—well. My father claims he had hoped to one day bring about peace between our realms by revealing he had raised me as his own but I suspect that was just another lie.”
“Why
did
he take you?”
“Not out of the goodness of his heart, that’s for sure,” Loki said, his mouth pulled down in a grimace. “One can only wonder.”
They fell silent again but Bruce was full of questions. Questions he wasn’t sure he would get answers to seeing as Loki’s moods could be so fickle.
“How did you find out?”
Loki’s smile was nostalgic but also bitter. It seemed to be the theme of the evening. “I accompanied Thor to Jotunheim to strike fear into their
savage
hearts,” he said with about as much cynicism as he could muster. “One touched me and I braced myself to be frozen over but instead my skin briefly turned that blue shade I just showed you. I confronted Odin not long after and he told me of my true parentage.”
Loki ate another piece of the fruit, offering it to Bruce who shook his head.
“However,” Loki continued, “it wasn’t until his death that the bind he had put on me was destroyed and I was able to make the full transformation. All those years and I hadn’t even known I could.”
He said that last part more for himself than for Bruce’s ears so Bruce looked away for a moment before asking his next question.
“Sorry, my understanding of magic is still very, very rudimentary.”
Loki eyed him and Bruce wondered what was going through his mind. Was he still doubtful that he could trust Bruce or was this simply too personal a thing to share with Bruce? Their mutual understanding seemed to win out because Loki shifted his weight but started to speak.
“In basic terms, he used a spell to keep me in my Aesir form completely unbeknownst to me. I suppose he couldn’t have me accidentally transforming into a Jotun and running around the castle, now could he?” Loki asked with a sardonic laugh, cutting another chunk of his fruit to eat. He held it in his hand for a second as he added, “Once he died, the magic forbidding me died along with him.”
“I see,” Bruce said, finally understanding more of their unspoken connection. “Monsters to be hidden away.”
Without missing a beat, Loki said, “Made into monsters by those who would hide us.”
Bruce looked up and met Loki’s cool, knowing gaze. No more words were exchanged because they didn’t need to. It was one of the unspoken truths that bound them—fathers who looked at them and saw demons before the children could even hold their own heads up, doing what they saw fit in order to suppress and hide their sons under the guise of justice.
Fathers who had died and who should have taken the burden they had imposed on their children with them and yet it lingered. Mothers who tried but ultimately were not strong enough to deter their husbands.
The sons were left to carry the burdens they had never asked for and never deserved, neither of them with a place or people to call their own.
Loved by few, hated by most.
“See?” Loki said, eating another slice of fruit off that had been speared on his dagger.
Bruce raised his eyebrows, waiting.
“I knew I’d chosen the right conversational partner.”
Bruce smiled softly, finally turning away from the view outside and the depressing thoughts it represented. The quiet between them was comfortable and this time when Loki offered a piece of the green fruit, Bruce accepted and took a bite. It was sweet. For whatever reason, Bruce had been expecting something tart.
“They’re no Golden Apples of Idunn but I love them.”
Bruce hummed in agreement though he didn’t know what the first part meant, finishing his piece. “Will you stay in New Asgard?”
“For a time though not indefinitely. Earlier this year I had the displeasure of making the acquaintance of a powerful sorcerer on Midgard. I may perhaps inquire as to his willingness to house another mage.”
Bruce snorted softly. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”
Loki smirked, eating the last piece. “So says the mighty.”
“Yeah, well,” Bruce said with no real direction to take the rest of that sentence in. Bruce had never quite been mighty on Midgard save for his Avengers status and that was more than likely revoked now that he had been away for so long. Not to mention the reason Hulk and he felt the need to leave in the first place.
And then the fame and glory Hulk had enjoyed on Sakaar was gone as well. They were both back to their pariah status and Bruce didn’t know where they would go. All he knew was that he wished he could go home.
“Loki!” Thor roared and they could both hear thunderous footsteps heading in their direction.
Loki grinned bright and mischievously. “That’s my cue to vanish,” he said, doing just that and disappearing from before Bruce’s eyes with a soft green glow.
“Bruce, have you seen Loki?” Thor asked, his suit dyed bright pink but then again it was probably some kind of spell.
“I haven’t, no.”
Thor huffed. “Well, should you see him—everything alright?”
Bruce nodded, a little caught off guard by the sudden switch. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“Oh. I see. Well, should you see him or need me, let me know.”
Thor continued down the corridor angrily and Bruce laughed, turning again when Valkyrie came following Thor with a drink in her hand and a bright grin on her face.
“Have you seen him? The big pink idiot?” she asked, her head dropping back as she cackled. “Oh, it’s great. Loki’s single-handedly making this trek bearable.”
She clapped a hand onto his arm and then ruffled his hair.
“Doing alright there, little guy?” she asked, using the nickname she had given him since she always called Hulk ‘big guy.’ And because in his human form he was much smaller than she was.
“Yeah. Does my face seem sad or something? Thor asked me too.”
“You always seem a touch sad, not gonna lie. But it feels more concentrated now.”
“Oh. Well, I’m alright. Just ready to be back on solid ground is all.”
She appraised him a moment longer and then decided not to press the matter any further. “Sure. Well, should you decide you’re not alright, there’s plenty of this to go around or else, I dunno, Thor could give you a hug. S’not really my thing.” She held up the bottle of alcohol to indicate what she meant.
“Thanks, Val.”
“Anytime, now if you’ll excuse me,” she said, her bright grin returning as she jogged off calling out Thor’s name and laughing.
Bruce turned to look back out of the viewport.
Home had eluded him his entire life and it wasn’t as if he thought he was suddenly being presented with a chance for it with The Revengers but maybe he could try again. Maybe some of the people hadn’t stuck because Bruce hadn’t stuck around to give them the chance to.
Maybe he would stay in New Asgard.