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It wasn’t that he was surprised he was one to grow seasick in choppy currents such as the ones he found himself in, he just didn’t want to learn that there, in front of people he barely knew that were probably only putting up with him because he was nice to look at. Well, at least it was only Shadowheart, Karlach and Tav. They seemed pretty nice, all things considered, though they might have just been waiting for the right moment to let the other shoe drop.The wooden planking below him swam, though he couldn’t tell if that was from the boat moving or his own vertigo. How much longer was he going to be stuck on this damned death trap of a boat again? Gods, his head hurt. He bit back a groan and stared down at the swirling black waters just beyond his grasp.“Astarion?” He panickedly attempted to straighten up from where he’d been leaning over the railing. He doubted it would work if they’d already come over to push him into the water and leave him for dead.“Yes, darling?” He couldn’t tell from Tav’s facial expression whether they’d caught him choking down his own saliva after he spoke, but he was really hoping that they hadn’t. That made it all the more likely they had, knowing his luck.“Shadowheart mentioned you looked like death, so I came over to check on you,” They leaned beside him and looked off into the cave-dark nothingness surrounding them with a teasing smirk, “Seems she was telling the truth.”There was no anger or disdain in their tone, no matter how hard he looked for it. He deflected anyway, not willing to give way to the sheer vulnerability involved in telling them how he felt until his body forced it upon him. “Yes, dear, that might just be because I am dead, if you’ve forgotten.”They snickered lightly, “I meant more than usual, Astarion. Your nobleman-made-street-rat background didn’t leave much space for earning your sea legs, I take it.”They were far too good at reading him and he’d only known them a month or so. Gods help him, he wanted more than anything to cling to their attempts at comfort, but he knew better. The ship rocked from the harsh push of the currents and he all but doubled over. He desperately tried not to let his weakness show, even as his palms grew damp and icy with sweat and the all-consuming pressure behind his eyes made his hands shake.“Whew! I didn’t expect this river to be so aggressive, how did those true souls navigate this mess?” They, on the other hand, seemed to be nothing more than excited by this. Lucky them. He swallowed thickly and prayed they hadn’t noticed, though he knew the gods didn’t care to listen.He hated how out of control his own body was. Hated how close it all felt to being controlled by someone else.“Holy shit, I didn’t know people came in shades that pale,” Karlach had been manning the helm, but it looked as though she’d given that up for the moment to come over to mock him. What did he expect? The only thing he was good for was his beauty, of course the moment that gave way he was going to be a target.“Karlach,” Tav warned with a tone of ‘not right now, look at this wretched little thing’. At least someone was willing to stand up for him proverbially while he was struggling to keep doing so literally; though for some reason that made a part of him squirm uncomfortably. It was probably just the nausea.He didn’t even want to imagine how vile he looked just then, he’d long since given up on not bending over the railings like a kid on their first boat ride. Better to look awful than make the only people he’d ever known that hadn’t yet backstabbed him clean puke off the floor, he figured.“Sorry, soldier. Hope you feel better!” She walked away, but not before hitting him on the back hard enough to force a burp up his throat and make him draw a faintly shaking hand to his mouth. Gods, this was so humiliating. What use was he to them if he lost all composure over some rough waters? Well, then again, Shadowheart pissed herself the second she caught a glimpse of a wolf, so there might have been worse things.Might have. This was still definitely a close second.“I don’t think I ever expected to hear a noise like that to come from you, Astarion,” He shot them a glare and hoped it came across as threatening not pitiful, though he knew it had probably been the latter. “You aren’t funny.”“I don’t know, I think I am.” The floor below him rocked like a baby’s cradle pushed on by a rambunctious toddler who didn’t realize there was a living thing inside. He tried, and failed, to suppress another sickened hiccup, earning him a hiss of either disgust or sympathy from his partner. They were just another target, he reassured himself as they slipped a curl behind his ear, nothing real was ever going to bloom from it. He felt nothing but lust for them. That was all.They slipped into a far more empathetic tone, and he honestly couldn’t tell whether it was any better than just being bullied, “I think you’d just feel better if you threw up.”The phrase alone made saliva gather in his mouth and white hot discomfort crawl farther up his throat. “I highly doubt that, darling.” His voice sounded so damn strained he might have been better off not saying anything at all. Nausea was always so much worse than pain, part of him had to wonder why Cazador didn’t use it more.“I’m just saying, if none of us got mad at you for being a vampire, none of us are going to be mad if you puke-” That second mention was all it took to make him lean forward and retch. He could vaguely make out Tav apologizing frantically, as it seemed they’d only just then realized talking about it was not helping, but he was too caught up in spitting up acrid bile-tinged blood to really care. A hand ran through his hair and swept it from his face and he tried to mutter a thank you, but all that he managed to get out was a groan followed by a mouthful of bitter iron.He spat off the railing, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and leaned against Tav’s shoulder, accepting that if he was going to be completely mortified the moment he recovered he might as well get a bit of real affection out of it. They raked a hand along his scalp, and in any other scenario he would’ve at least attempted to hide how good it felt, but his brain fluid had been replaced by boiling hot acid and anything that offered a bit of respite was something he didn’t have the energy to fight. “Okay, maybe you’re worse off than I thought… Do you feel any better?”He moaned pathetically into the nape of their neck and pretended that constituted a response.“I’m going to assume that’s a ‘no’. Come on, Astarion, you should sit down.” His eyes were shut to guard from the vertigo, but he felt hands on his shoulders and blindly trusted their owner to help him to the ground without letting him get hurt. He shouldn’t have, but he did, and that trust wasn’t betrayed. He let himself collapse back into the wall behind him and pulled his knees to his chest. Tav rustled his hair a bit and he melted into the touch like a cat getting scratched behind the ears. They giggled, “Really?”“Head hurts…” He had meant to say a full sentence like a fully grown adult, but his tongue was heavy and words weren’t working properly, so he supposed it would do. He felt them sit down beside him, he didn’t even bother to open his eyes to see it. He was too tired and the world was spinning too much for that. The ground swayed and the fire in his abdomen grew into the pain of walking in the sun before a tadpole got shoved in his eye. He felt fingers slide down to his neck and knead at the sore spot under his ear.“Is that helping at all?” He made a noise of affirmation somewhere between a mumble and a whine and they pressed down harder, giving him a moment of blessed reprieve.The ship lurched to the side. His hand shot to his mouth and he scrambled to lean out of the support bars to the rails, mouth full of spit and acid. Karlach shouted, “Sorry, fangs!” From the helm, but he barely heard it over the sound of him sputtering on bile and the obnoxious ringing in his ears. Tav, he presumed, pulled his hair from his face as he retched. He only managed to stop to catch his breath, he never had broken the whole breathing habit, almost unconsciously muttering, “Don’t feel well…”“I know, I’m sorry.” He belched, ugh, that was more embarrassing than puking, into his fist that he then immediately had to move aside as to not coat it in sanguine stomach acid. Tav hissed in sympathy and rubbed his back, gentle and sweet in a way no one else had ever done for him- oh gods damn it, he was falling in love with them. Whatever, he could worry about that later, once he was done hiccuping through waves of vomit. A thumb swiped a tear streak from his cheek, and when did he start crying? He wasn’t quite sure. He spat off the ledge and fell against the chest of his partner, curling up into them like a damned baby.“Shh, I know, we’re almost there. I can make Karlach go back and get the others if you want to set up camp there?” Their hands once again drew to his neck, though they seemed to be making an active attempt to keep him from feeling trapped even as they tightened around and fussed with the knots in his muscles. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was falling in love with them.He tried to scoff but it came out more like a groan, he tried to make his words sound incredulous but they came out more tearful, “You’d make everyone come out here just so I don’t have to be uncomfortable for a few minutes?”“Well, I was going to spend a few days there anyway, and who knows, maybe the path to the Shadow-Cursed Lands is there. I’m just offering to take a break. Also, this is a lot more than mild discomfort, Astarion.” It was a drop of water in the ocean compared to Cazador. Instead of saying that, because he had already made enough of a fool of himself, he just muttered, “Okay.”They took off their cloak and strewn it across his shoulders. Maybe, probably not, but maybe they wouldn’t hurt him. All the chances he’d taken on them before had worked out in his favor. He burrowed his head into their neck and, for once, let himself feel loved, even if it was a lie.