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When you first came into his life you were really nothing more than an acquaintance. He knew of you because he knew almost everyone on base but you..you just came into his life like you knew you were the missing piece to his puzzle.
The first day he finally met you, you sat yourself down at the table he was sharing with Gaz and Soap in the back of the cafeteria. Both men instantly shutting up as they watched Simon turn to stare at you after glancing around the room to see if this was the only empty seat. It wasn’t.
“Morning!” You smiled and went about eating your food not saying another word. So he didn’t either.
Then suddenly you were just there.
In meetings, at meals, at training you were always there right beside him. It was like you sought him out because one minute he’d enter a room unnoticed and be standing in the corner alone when suddenly you were right next to him when only a minute ago you were clear across the room talking to some soldiers on your squad.
You never really spoke to him unless he spoke to you but you made sure he felt your presence. Especially when you’d offer nightly to help him with paperwork, he thinks it’s because you caught onto the fact he opens up a little more when you’re alone.
Suddenly, he couldn’t see his life without you now. Without your quiet support. But sometimes it was to much, he felt like he was being crowded and he remembered the first night he finally snapped at you for it. The first of many more times he’d push you away.
And it worked. You gave him space. You stuck with your own friends and only offered him a smile in passing. He hated it.
He hated that he started to like you and your presence. He hated that you made him like you so easily when Soap worked hard to finally get close to him.
He hated that he couldn’t even blame you for how he felt. You didn’t know the effect you were having on him. You didn’t know that he started searching for you in every room or that he hated seeing how the other soldiers looked and spoke to you.
He didn’t know why it boiled his blood to see so many of them stare at you like you were a piece of meat or why when he heard the way they flirted with you it made him want to strangle them.
After the first week of you giving him space, he gave in after he couldn’t take seeing the soldiers all over you again.
He couldn’t help but feel a little smug when he noticed that those men didn’t talk to you as much when they saw you were always next to the scary lieutenant with a skull mask.
Simon learned about you this time around. He found himself drawn to the kind of person you were and he wanted to know more. So on those late nights where you helped him in his office, he’d ask you questions which you were more than happy to answer. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to have an actual conversation with the man.
You told him about your life, family, friends, past missions you’ve been on and in turn he told you some of his experiences even if he didn’t divulge all the details.
As the night dragged on with shared stories and secrets he had learned that you never slept very well and that’s why you never minded staying up late to help him.
It was this reason alone that he wasn’t entirely shocked when one night you showed up at his door at some god awful hour of the night almost on the verge of tears after not having slept for 3 days.
He let you in immediately and let you get comfortable, handing you the hoodie that would end up becoming your favorite when he noticed you were cold.
He tried to give you the bed that night but you all but yanked him into the bed with you and curled yourself into his side while he laid there stiff as a board. He counted the seconds ticking by almost waiting for you to admit this wasn’t going to help you sleep either until he heard your soft even breathes and he dared to glance at you.
You were sound asleep and Simon was terrified to move. But after laying there for almost two hours the sound of your breathing eventually lulled him to sleep and he’d never admit it was some of the best sleep he’d gotten.
By the time the sunlight started to seep into his room, you were gone and he almost wondered if he dreamt the whole thing before he noticed the hoodie he lent you was long gone as well. He would find it when he finally went to the cafeteria that morning and saw you wearing it as you spoke with the other soldiers.
And so began the long months of his back and forth. Of his hot and cold, tiptoeing the line between wanting to make you only his and not wanting to burden you with him and his life.
He tried often to keep you at a distance, to push you away but you never seemed to let him get very far because any time he yelled about wanting space he would find you at his door, in his hoodie ready to sleep in his arms and he suddenly couldn’t remember why he wanted space.
It wasn’t like he really did want you to leave anyways. He wanted you with him always but when he could see the way others made you laugh in a way he couldn’t or the way some of those soldiers still had the balls to flirt with you while he loomed behind you. He wished he could just do that but it wasn’t like him to do any of that. So he kept things between you private and outside the hoodie there was no other sign you and he were involved in any sort of way.
You always respected his wishes and kept whatever you had going on private but on some nights where you genuinely thought he wanted you gone you would stay gone and end up finding him at your door when you didn’t come to him at the usual time.
It wasn’t healthy. You knew that and so did he but neither of you could seem to care when it got to the end of the day. None of it mattered when you were behind closed doors and there would be sweet nothings whispered and lips ghosting each other when he felt like lifting his mask just enough.
You knew what you wanted, you never tiptoed the line. You just waited for him to realize that he wanted you no matter what too.
But When Simon broke things off for the final time you wanted to say you were shocked but in truth you weren’t.
The nights leading up to it there were more arguments and more avoided glances in the mornings. He’d keep his distance in every situation and on some nights he even locked his door to prevent you from coming in.
It was heartbreaking. And you didn’t even know why he was doing this.
You didn’t even know that he was hurting just as much as you were. It killed him in every way to see that the way he was treating you was tearing you down slowly.
The boiling point finally came when you were assigned to work with Soap on a mission. It came as a little bit of a surprise for everybody until price explained that you were moving up in the team and he wanted you trained to start going on missions with the 141.
He was truly happy for you for moving up in your career but at the same time he hated how this allowed you and Soap to get closer. He hated the way his Scottish friend could speak to you so freely, how he could hug you out of no where and not have a care in the world.
Simon wasn’t an insecure man.
He knew that.
In fact he knew he may even be a little to full of himself. He knew he was an attractive man, mask or not. He knew women who would love a chance with him but he never cared to entertain them. So he definitely didn’t care that Soap would flirt with you jokingly all the time.
What he did hate was how happy you seemed to be when you talked to him. How open and yourself you seemed when you would be passing jokes back and forth.
He couldn’t help but watch it unfold over time. The way you lit up whenever Johnny would say something, the way your smile widened at some stupid joke he attempted.
Simon couldn’t help but think about how Johnny was the one you should be with. He knew for a fact Johnny wouldn’t tiptoe this stupid line he drew he knew he wouldn’t hide the fact he cares for you or try to push you away when he felt like you deserved better.
He started to wonder if you were falling for his Scottish friend but every night he would be reminded how much more you loved him. He felt unworthy of it. Unworthy of the way you would look at him with all the adoration in the world, unworthy of the way your soft lips would always come so close to his as you whispered to him late in the night. He felt unworthy of the way he could tell when you smiled at him it was completely different from the way you smiled at anyone else.
It was a smile that was reserved for him and him alone.
He knew that.
But as he was forced to watch you and Johnny interact on a daily as you got ready for your mission, his own judgment was getting clouded by the way he thought you would be happier with Johnny.
You both were such a forced to be reckoned with. Both of you shared a warmth that drew people in, like a moth to a flame. He wondered how he’d never seen how perfect you were for each other before..a little to perfect.
You and Johnny were a little to similar and it’s what made you such good friends but both of you knew nothing more would ever happen. He knew your heart belonged to someone else and he wasn’t looking for anything to begin with. But Simon was blinded.
He broke it off with you only a few days after your mission with Soap. Every night for a least a week he would hear you come to his door and knock gently but it went ignored.
“Simon can we please talk about this?” He heard you whisper on the final night. His heart breaking from how emotionally exhausted you sounded. “I don’t know what I did. Did I do something wrong?”
He got up quietly and walked to the door and stood just right there. If he reached out even just a little he could reach the handle and swing open the door. But he refrained.
He heard you sigh before there was rustling on your side. When it got quiet again he could practically feel the way your head leaned against the door. “I’m sorry. I only ever wanted to be with you.” Then you were gone and his head fell against the door with a soft thud.
He waited until he knew you were long gone before he opened the door. There on the floor, folded neatly was his hoodie that you took from him all those months ago.
Picking it up, he held it close to him. It smelled like you now. When he closed his door and was left in cold silence once again he hung the hoodie up and didn’t touch it again until you called for him almost a month later.
The days passed by as they always did before you were in his life. Uneventful. He trained, ate, did paperwork then slept but he quickly learned how much he hated sleeping alone.
The bed felt colder without you curled up next to him. It felt lonelier without your hand tracing over his arm softly or playing with his fingers as you spoke quietly in the night.
He missed you and he hated how much he was letting this affect him.
“I don think she’s sleepin’” Johnny mentioned one night and Simon followed his line of sight to see you making your way into the cafeteria. “She looks like shite.”
He wasn’t wrong. The flame that you had, seemed like it dwindled extensively. The circles under your eyes seemed darker and the weak smile you gave your friends didn’t convince anyone but you looked like you were beyond caring.
One of your friends rubbed your shoulder soothingly while your eyes scanned the room as if you could feel him watching you. The millisecond it took for your eyes to connect he was already looking away and turning back to Johnny.
It was the first time since it ended that you sought him out again. For the most part you kept to yourself, never looked for him anymore and went about your day but it seemed the lack of sleep was catching up to you.
“What the hell happened between you two L.T.?” Johnny muttered as he leaned closer. “Don’t tell me some fuckin shite about not knowing. She talked about you all the time so I know something happened.”
Simon didn’t let show how much that comment took him off guard. He didn’t realize you talked about him so much and to soap of all people.
“Eat your food Johnny.” He grumbled instead unable to look him in the eye.
“Well I’m just worried bout ‘er.” He muttered while he did what he was told and started eating again. “I don’t know how well she can handle the mission tomorrow with the way she looks.”
Simon looked up at that. “What mission?”
“You don’t know? Price is sending her out on her own. Supposed to be a short mission but she looks like a walking skeleton already.” Johnny glanced in your direction before going quiet.
Johnny didn’t even get a chance to say anything else before Simon was already on his feet and half way out of the room on his way to see Price.
The captain was standing at his desk when Simon all but slammed open his door, eyes narrowed. “Simon, I was expecting you.” Price said nonchalantly as he went back to looking at his papers. “Tea?”
“No I don’t want your bloody tea.” He spat out, closing the door behind him but the captain didn’t look up even when Simon was standing right in front of his desk.
“Then what can I help you with?” He asked it like he already knew and Simon supposed out of anyone besides Johnny, he probably did. “Does it have anything to do with a mission taking place tomorrow?” Price finally looked up to meet his gaze head on.
“Send me with her.”
“Simon-“
“Send. Me. With. Her.”
A tense silence filled the air while the two men stared each other down before price shook his head softly. “No.”
“No? Price this could be a dangerous mission.” But the captain no longer seemed to be listening. “Sir she’s in no condition to go on a mission.”
“Is that the real reason you came here? To talk about her wellbeing?” Simon went silent at the look Price leveled him with. “Do you not trust her?”
“Of course I do-“
“Do you not trust that she is a good soldier that can get the job done?”
“Yes but-“
“Then this conversation is finished. She leaves early tomorrow morning so I suggest you get yourself together Simon.” Price was glaring at him like a father scolding his son. Like he knew Simon was the reason you weren’t doing amazingly.
“What is it for?” He finally asked, fists clenched at his sides while he resisted the urge to sit there and demand he go on this mission.
Price shook his head. “You know I can’t tell you that.”
“Just tell me if this is a suicide mission.” His jaw clenched painfully as he tried to keep his eyes clear of emotion. “Please.”
“Simon.” Price sighed in slight frustration. “She’s only going in for some intel. She’ll be fine.”
Simon nodded stiffly after a moment and as he was turning to leave Price called out to him. “I’d at least talk with her before she leaves Simon.”
He didn’t acknowledge that he heard him, just continued out the door and mindlessly walked the rest of the way to his room where he would be for the next coming hours.
Hours later He could hear the moment everyone was starting to head to bed. It was well into the night by now and he knew that but he couldn’t sleep. His mind was racing with thoughts of you. He hated himself for how much pain he’s put you through.
He reached for his phone and immediately went to your contact. His thumb hovered over the call button but he never pressed it. He never got the chance to because in the next second his phone started vibrating and your name appeared.
The shock lasted for the first rings before he answered it but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He didn’t want to hurt you more but he could hear it, the desperation, the love you still held for him even after everything.
He knew then just exactly what he wanted.
So The moment you confessed to him that you couldn’t sleep without him, he was already sitting up in bed getting his shoes on.
The moment you realized he wasn’t going to verbally answer you and you hung up he was already halfway to your room. Wearing your favorite hoodie of his.
The moment you opened the door and your eyes met and your voice called his name softly, his entire body just wanted to kneel to the floor in front of you and beg for forgiveness.
The moment he had you cradled in his arms and had you whispering that you missed him he felt whatever resolve he had, built up in the time apart, crumble.
He couldn’t believe just how far you dug yourself into his heart until he finally felt you against him after not speaking for so long. It was his fault, he knew that. He knew he was the one who broke whatever was going on off.
He knew he was the reason there never was an official relationship to break off in the first place. Just a line drawn that you both kept tiptoeing the day you met, never crossing the boundary of being friends or more.
And as he laid there, carding his fingers softly through your hair the way he knew you liked, he couldn’t help but think about the moment that got him into this mess. Sometimes he wished he turned you away more. Or at least kept his distance better.
But it didn’t matter now.
Simon didn’t want to go to sleep, not when he was enjoying watching you breathe softly as you curled yourself further against him.
He considered the fact that he should leave, let you sleep and not wake up to the reality that he was in bed with you again, a reality he was sure you would regret when you were more alert again.
But as he moved to try and slowly get off the bed you were suddenly wide awake and grabbing onto his arm. “Why are you leaving?” Your voice was groggy but he could hear the hint of fear and hurt in it at his actions. “Do you hate me that much?”
“What? Hate you?” Immediately he relaxed back into his spot and looked you straight in the eyes. How could you ever think he hated you? “I don’t hate you.”
“Then please,” your eyes were pleading with him. “Please don’t go.” The weight of your words settled on his heart and it felt like you were asking him for more than just to simply help you sleep.
A tense silence settled over the two of you as you practically stared into his soul. He opened his mouth to relent when you spoke again. “I love you Simon.”
He felt his breathing go completely still. Your words sounded like you couldn’t hold them to yourself any longer. “I’ve loved you since the first week we met. Even when you pushed me away, even when I wanted to kill you. I’ve loved you.” The more you talked the more he was sure his heart wouldn’t start again.
He could feel the moment when you started pulling away from him after he took too long to respond. He could feel you slipping through his fingers again and he couldn’t let it happen again not this time.
In an instant one of his arms wrapped around you and pulled you tightly against him while the other went to his mask and pulled it off.
He didn’t give you the chance to even take him in before he was pulling you to him, his lips landing on yours in a desperate first kiss.
A kiss that flooded you with every emotion he was withholding from you this whole time. A kiss that he had been wanting to feel ever since the first time he felt your lips ghost his.
The hand that was on your back moved to grip your hip as he sat up just slightly to kiss you harder. The hand holding his mask went to rest beside your head so he could hold himself better while he felt your hands everywhere like you were exploring something for the first time. Which you were.
Your hands were in his hair, dragging down his cheeks and jaw before gripping his neck to pull him impossibly closer. Only breaking when you ran out of breathe but he didn’t move far.
You stared at him, gasping in breathes while he looked at you like it was the first time all over again. “I love you too. I’m sorry for ever making you feel like I didn’t. I always have.” He said it softly like he was making sure only you would ever hear those words leave his mouth.
You smiled gently and brought him in for a softer kiss before he muttered against them, “come back to me tomorrow yeah?” You could only nod as he gave you one more kiss before falling back onto his side and pulling you into him.
His mask long gone on the floor and his heart content when you buried your face in his neck, sighing happily.
And true to your promise, you came straight back to him after your mission a few days later.
Really hope yall like this🙏🏻😭
also Johnnys part Two is next and I made the executive decision that Rudy is after him.