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Penelope Park was flipping through the mail and threw the bills in one pile, trash in another.It’d been a few days since she’d grabbed it out of the box. Tonight she only did it because she’d had an overly busy day at the studio and her body was still buzzing which meant she wouldn’t get any sleep.Not that she slept all that often. She spent twelve-hour days in the studio - she got up early and went to bed past midnight. Some nights she’d rather just have coffee than go to bed.She contemplated it as she skimmed through a magazine with a picture of her on the front. Looking at her phone to see missed calls from Lizzie, Maya, and jade she didn’t have the energy to hear everyone’s disappointment.The shot came from a photoshoot taken for her latest album, College Days. She was wearing an oversized forest green sweatshirt - one of her old Salvatore University sweatshirts. The shot made it look like she wasn’t wearing anything underneath and her makeup had been sexily messed up in a morning-after-with-a-hangover sort of way.The magazine headline read Penelope Park takes the runner-up spot in our poll of most promiscuous artists! Runner up to expected top artist: Taylor Swift. Penelope rolled her eyes and skimmed to the page about her. It went on to describe her music and why fans picked her in the poll: Penelope Park, better known as DJ incendio and world-renown Park Studio Music Producer, has been polled by fans as our runner-up for most promiscuous artists!The award-winning artist has always been cagey about whether or not she’s in a relationship. When asked to put a reason to their pick, fans stated the mystery lovers in her various songs over the years. The artist often describes seemingly different people in her lyrics. One more thing she and Taylor seem to share in common traits! The two artists are both rumored to be bisexual, but we should note there’s no proof of such allegations.Penelope shook her head and closed the magazine. It was an honor to be considered in the same tabloid as Taylor Swift, she supposed, but the article itself was abundantly absurd. For one, it only looked at female artists and that just showed the sexism of the music industry.She tossed it in the pile of trash and moved on with the mail. The handwritten envelope stood out amongst everything else and more than that, the nickname spelling of her name on it made her heart skip a beat.“pen?” Josie Saltzman’s voice echoed through the hotel room. A very naked Josie, with her legs entangled with one Hope Mikaelson - whom josie had been in a five-year-long relationship with.“Maybe she went for breakfast?” Hope mumbled, still groggy from the early morning. Penelope flinched from the doorway. She’d already dressed, already packed her bag, already prepared to walk out of the hotel room without any intention of returning.She’d almost made it out of the door without waking up either of her best friends. Her best friend’s who’d she gotten drunk with the night before - who she’d woken up in bed next to - who were dating each other, not her. All she had to do was close the door without making any noise…“I don’t think so, Hope. Come on, get up. We need to find her.” Penelope heard Josie stumble around as she tried to get up and get dressed while hungover. Penelope turned the doorknob and shut it as slowly and quietly as she could. She took a deep breath and ran down to the corner of the hall. She hid when she saw the door of Josie and Hope’s room open again. She watched Josie walk out in just the hotel white robe and look in one direction than the other.Penelope’s stomach dropped. The worried look in Josie’s eyes hallowed Penelope’s lungs out. Her messy hair was so beautiful. Then Hope was right behind her in her own white robe after taking the extra second to put her auburn hair up in a bun. Just as beautiful. The two were drop dead gorgeous and it made Penelope curse herself. She’d made it so long. She’d made it years without ruining everything between her best friends.“Come on, baby. Let’s get dressed. She can’t have gotten far.” Penelope wished the night before was a blackout night. She wished Josie’s jojo juice had destroyed her memory - wished she couldn’t remember a second of the night after they celebrated the last night of the college at the Salvatore university As they celebrated Penelope’s big break in the music industry.But it was no blackout. The night was burned into her memory and it’d stay there forever. Nothing had ever felt so right and so wrong at the same time. She’d memorized everything like it was the last night she’d ever have with them. Now, after, Penelope knew it was the last night. She couldn’t ruin them.A wedding invitation. A wedding invitation to cordially invite Penelope to the engagement celebration and wedding of one Ms. Josie Saltzman and Ms. Hope Mikaelson. A beautifully written, floral message to invite her back to New Orleans - across the country from her penthouse in Los Angeles. It was a call to action to the events they planned over the course of a month leading up to their wedding.Guests were invited to attend any and all events planned leading up to and or the ceremony itself. It was soon too. It seemed that the invitation had first been sent to the wrong address, an old address of Penelope’s , then corrected on the envelope. Penelope stared at the invitation for far too long. She wouldn’t go. She couldn’t. Then there was the back of the invitation. Handwritten:Pen, please.There was a warm feeling at the bridge of Penelope’s nose and she knew what was coming. She rushed to the kitchen and rolled out paper towels. She stood over the sink as her nose bled into the paper towels. She held the bridge of her nose the way she was taught to and sighed. It’d been a year since she’d seen Josie , Hope, and most of the super squad.A year and a half since she’d been diagnosed with Leukemia. She’d told no one. She couldn’t and wouldn’t make anyone suffer from the news. She’d done that with her mother. She’d never do that to anyone. She took a deep breath as her nose continued to gush and she grew impatient. She cleaned up the mess once she made sure it was over. She couldn’t go to this wedding.
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She’d told herself she was lonely - that she was looking to be loved in a time where everything in her life had felt awful. At a time where her dream was within reach and she felt like it was a cruel reality to know she had cancer at the time she was finally becoming successful. That she might not even make it five years to enjoy the accomplishment. Her mom didn’t make it four years after diagnosis. It just added to her resentment for her dad for leaving. He couldn’t have known her mom would get diagnosed - but Penelope resented spending her entire high school career taking care of her mother and watching her suffer while he married Sheila and enjoyed their life together.She was just lonely. That’s why she slept with her two best friends - who were happily dating each other. Who were happily marrying each other.Penelope tried to shrug it off as she went into work the next morning and picked up her coffee from her assistant at the front desk of Park Studios. She’d come to think of the studio as her home away from home. The red walls of handpicked art and framed awards. The titanium sign of the studio name behind the front desk. It was everything she dreamt it to be. After touring with DJ Khaled, she recorded her first album - survived - with him. Her career lifted off from there and six months later she bought her own studio. DJ Khaled passed her some artists he’d worked with before the studio shot up from there. She recorded with top artists, produced platinum award-winning albums, and most recently she released College Days which had already hit the top 100 charts three weeks in a row. Now she was working with Maya Machado on her first album over the summer in between Maya’s senior year under the artist pen name - Legacy. So far, they’d re-recorded Malavore and Maya had more to show her since Hope pushed her into writing more last summer. Penelope was almost positive that the album title would take the same name as her first song though.“Ms. Park?” Penelope had yet to break her assistant out of calling her that.Penelope turned, coffee in hand. “Yeah?”The girl turned semi hesitant, “Ms. Machado is in the studio. On your request she had me divert your incoming clients next month. I have just a few more calls to finish with before you’ll be free to go. Is there anything else I can do for you?”Penelope hesitated before she answered. Of course. Maya was trying to be sweet and it took everything in Penelope just to smile. “No, that's all. Thank you.” She turned the corner into the various halls and studios. She had producers working under her now - she was a boss. She kept a watchful eye on them and every album had to go through her before it was released. She worked with specific clients she requested or requested her. Her studio was also it's own at the end of the hall, attached to her own private office. It was set up how she wanted with her own equipment and requested instruments. Maya was sitting at her soundboard - looking but not touching anything. Those were the rules to being in Penelope’s studio without her.“Good morning!” Maya’s cheery voice bright and early almost made Penelope cringe. If she hadn’t lived with Maya for a year, she’d need two more coffees just to deal with it. “Ready to get started?”Penelope sat down her messenger bag and took another sip of coffee. “Machado, did you push my clients off for next month?”Maya smiled, “Oh yeah, I figured you’d want to get started on it right away, I mean... since all of the events start at the beginning of August and we’re only two weeks away I just thought...” She trailed off when she seemed to notice Penelope’s expression. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry. I was just trying to be a good friend and I thought that ... shit, I’m sorry Pen. You’re the boss, I really shouldn’t have-““It’s okay.” Penelope cut off the rambling of the younger girl and when she went on even after that, Penelope approached her and put her hands on Maya’s shoulders. “Machado. It’s okay. Really. Get your cute butt in the studio. Let’s get to work.”“Are you sure? Really?” The younger Girl asked.“Yeah, let’s get to work.” Penelope took her seat while Maya entered the studio. While she got ready in the recording studio, Penelope checked her phone. It’d been going off all morning. One call after another from some of the super squad and then twenty calls from Jade Salvatore. This one, of course, was from Jade... again. Penelope sighed. She couldn’t avoid it forever and Jade wouldn’t stop until she answered. “What’s up, Salvatore?”Jade’s voice on the other line sounded exasperated. “Don’t what’s up me.” She said in the most deadpan tone. “I know you got an invitation.”Penelope sighed. “Salvatore, I’m at work.”“You’re your own boss.” Jade countered. “Tell me you’re going. Tell me right now that you’re not trying to get out of it-““Jade, come on, I really don’t have the energy for this.” It wasn’t a lie. She’d always had insomnia, but it’d been worse now than it ever was. The cancer only made it worse. She was tired all the time. It was like her bones were hollow. She felt weak all the time.Jade was not going to let it go. “I’m serious Penelope, you’re not doing this. I’m so sick of-““I really don’t have the time to fight about-““They miss you, Penelope,” Jade said and Penelope crumbled in her chair. She didn’t want to hear it - didn’t want that to be true. She wanted them to be happy without her. “They miss you so much. They deserve better. And not just them. The Super squad deserves better. Get your shit together, Park.” The line went dead right after.Penelope’s chest was empty. Her entire body felt numb. If Maya wasn’t there, she might actually cry.They miss you.Penelope swallowed the lump in her throat.They miss you so much.She felt like she wasn’t in her body.They deserve better.“Ready to go, Penelope?”
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Josie and Hope paced their apartment in an attempt to finish packing everything they need or might need over the course of the coming month. For their wedding, they’d picked a venue just outside of the city and rented a house for themselves and any guests who came in from out of town for the month of events. They saw it as a come and go house, knowing that not all too many people would be able to take a month to celebrate with them. It was for anyone and everyone who could come for what they could come for. Josie and Hope were looking forward to being in a house filled with other people again - the Super Squad included. Josie hadn’t lived in a house full of people since the Super Squad all lived together before graduation. Having grown up in a School full at all times , Josie couldn’t wait for this.Josie and Hope had been dating for six years and marriage was the well-anticipated next step. There was no question for how much they loved one another - Hope stood to be Josie’s rock and Josie helped Hope loosen up. They’d been through their fair share of arguments - Hope’s senior year being the biggest and worst of them - and they’d overcome them. Neither girl questioned their relationship. It was a stable constant of love and support between them. They were head over heels in love with each other. That was never in question. Their relationship was almost perfect. Almost. Almost because there was one question lingering. One question that had nothing to do with either of them.What if?Josie folded another pair of jeans and sighed. “Do you think she’ll come, Hope?” It was a question both had wondered but hadn’t asked out loud. Neither wanted to bring it into physicality.Hope zipped up her suitcase and looked at their bedroom floor, now a floor of clothes. Josie’s clothes in particular. While Hope had never an issue with packing, having always had everything planned down to the second, her brunette counterpart seemed to second guess each and every outfit. She ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know, Jos.” She admitted. “It’s been over a year since she cut us off completely. I can’t imagine her changing her mind about us now.”Josie pouted and stopped packing to sit on the bed. Penelope had been their best friend for years. From Penelop’s freshman year all the way through college and even after, they’d been inseparable. They spent more time together than they spent with any of the other super squad combined. Penelope had snuck her way into their lives and somehow become more important than either girl would’ve ever thought she would. And while Josie and Hope had never been explicitly monogamous, everyone seemed to assume they were. Explaining that part of their sexuality had always been exhausting to them, so they’d let it be as it was. They only came to regret it when Penelope came into their lives and had them both head over heels for her. Penelope, who had always considered them as an off-limits monogamous couple. Penelope, who neither girl could think of a way to tell that they weren’t monogamous - that they loved her.Come the end of college senior year, Josie and Hope actually thought they were getting somewhere with Penelope. The flirting they’d always done seemed like it was naturally progressing, the physical touch seemed more animated. It seemed like their relationship together was naturally progressing the way Hope and Josie desperately wanted it to. Then came that faithful last night where they’d all had too much to drink. Where Penelope agreed to come back to their room. Where...Josie didn’t regret what happened between the three of them. Neither did Hope. They regretted the fact that it pushed Penelope to run away. To cut them off. To put them on a list of people not allowed in Park studios.“Have you listened to College Days?”Hope swallowed the lump in her throat at Josie’s question. Hope had explicitly avoided listening to it. She didn’t want to know what Penelope had to say about their time at Salvatore University. It could only serve to break her heart all over again. “No.” Josie picked up her phone and scrolled through her Spotify. “I really don’t want to-“Josie shook her head. “Just come look, Hope.” Hope laid down on their king bed with her feet outstretched over her closed suitcase. She snuggled into Josie’s side. Josie scrolled to the DJ incendio page and to her latest album. Hope bit her lip just looking at the Salvatore University sweatshirt. It was her hoodie that she’d given to Penelope and somehow never got back. Pen would have never bought it for herself. It made her chest ache. The songs were only worse without even hearing them. She read through the titles as Josie scrolled.Treble, Red, HighNote, Fallen Leaves, College Days, super, When I’m Gone.The song list brings back the memories like they were yesterday; The obvious notion of Salvatore University in the songs titled in reference to the super squad, the song Penelope used to sing as her karaoke song, and most notably Red and Fallen Leaves. Red had to be a reference to Hope and Fallen Leaves was the camp Josie went to growing up. Hope couldn’t imagine listening to any of the songs. It was all too much.“It hurts to listen to them,” Josie said in a small voice. “There’s just so much behind the words.” Josie wrapped her arm around Hope. “I just don’t get it. She thinks about us, the super squad... why did she leave?"Hope didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know, baby. I hate looking at these.. but it’s nice to know it hasn’t been any easier on her.”“Jade says she misses us,” Josie said. “I just wish she’d come home.”Hope pulled Josie closer. “Me too, baby. Me too.” She rubbed circles on Josie’s stomach. “Come on, let’s finish packing. We’ve got a wedding coming up.” She led a small smile spread across her lips at the notion of a wedding. Their wedding.Josie bit her lip and looked at her fiancée. “Our wedding.” She whispered, excitedly. Hope’s smile only grew as she looked into Josie’s gorgeous brown eyes.“Our wedding.” She repeated and their lips were only inches apart.Josie closed the distance between them and the kiss was all too familiar yet it felt like butterflies-in-the-stomach first kiss jitters. Hope couldn’t believe she’d gotten so lucky to have Josie. They were still so young, still had their entire lives ahead of them. To have found love so early made Hope feel like she had the entire world in her grasp. To find love so intensely made Josie feel motivated to be the best she could be. They both tried to push the one question between them to the back of their minds.What if?
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You don’t have to look like you’re on your way to a funeral.” Jade Salvatore told Penelope as they pulled their luggage off the conveyor belt. She, maya, and Jade had all made the decision to catch a flight together since they were all living in Los Angeles. Maya was twenty leagues ahead of them looking for a bathroom because god forbid she go on the plane. Jade seemed to absolutely refuse Penelope’s sulking. The all-legs successful all-girls gym corporation owner had a more positive attitude than penelope remembered. Penelope hadn’t realized it’d be three or four months since she’d seen jade. They talked on the phone often enough.“I don’t.” Penelope quipped. The plane ride had made her tired bones ache. The walk only made it worse. She was so exhausted all of the time and so unable to sleep.Jade watched Maya walk fast and Penelope did too. If they lost her, they’d probably have to do an intercom like they’d lost a child. “Are you ever really going to tell me what happened between the three of you?” Jade asked. “And don’t tell me nothing happened. They’re on your list of no-entries to your studio. You went from talking every day last year to absolutely nothing.” Jade’s ability to see through Penelope had always been impressive.“I don’t know, jade. I just want them to be happy.” The conversation only made the walk more dreadful. She was an hour - if that - from seeing Josie and Hope for the first time in a year. They had every right to hate her. To think she’d nearly ruined their relationship. Why did they invite her to their wedding?“And this has nothing to do with the one-night stand you had with them on the last night of senior year?” Jade asked and Penelope stopped walking entirely. Jade just shrugged as Penelope stared at her, jaw dropped. “I gave you the chance to tell me. The morning walk of shame is my favorite time for people watching. I saw you through the peephole.” Penelope’s mouth was too dry to speak. Jade kept walking. “I just don’t know why you cut them off over it.”It seemed more than obvious to Penelope. “I never wanted to get in the way of their relationship.”Jade shrugged again and Penelope was almost annoyed that she was so casual about it. “Did you ask them about that?” Jade said and Penelope didn’t respond. Wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. “And you slept with both of them right?”Penelope’s mind went back to that night. The night she’d been over a million times in hopes of memorizing it. “Yes. Both.”Jade went on. “Then I don’t think you have the right to assume you were getting in the way of their relationship.”“They’d been dating for five years when we slept together,” Penelope argued.Jade shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. “You’re acting like you were a part of an affair. They didn’t cheat on each other, Penny. They both intentionally slept with you.” Jade explained it like it made sense to the entire world. “And if I wanted to take it another step further I’d say two people who’d only been with each other for five years and slept with you probably had more than just one-night stand attraction type feelings.”Penelope shook her head. “Not everyone is as sexually fluid as you, Jade.”“I actually think people would be more sexually fluid if society didn’t make them feel like they had to be monogamous or attracted to the other sex,” Jade said. “But that’s a conversation for another time. We lost Maya.”“Fuck.”After finding a very easily lost Maya, the girls headed off to a private car paid for by Park Studios. Flashes of cameras met them outside and questions from reporters were screamed at them. Luckily the car was only a ten-foot walk from the airport exit. It wasn’t too terrible, just the usual questions - What’re you doing in New Orleans? What happened to recording the new album in LA? Anyone, to visit? Then they were in the shuttle and off to the final destination. Which seemed to feel like an eternity to Penelope and all too quickly. In the meantime, Penelope worked on what she should’ve been doing in the upcoming month, knowing that she’d be desperately behind once she finally returned to New Orleans .She also researched some doctors in New Orleans to look into. She’d been off radiation for a little over a month since it stopped working and was doing her more damage than good. Her hair had thinned in the process and she’d had a month to get it back its average length. She knew she shouldn’t have stopped the therapy treatment, but it was impossibly hard on her body and it wasn’t even helping anymore. Now, she knew she’d waited too long to get another appointment with someone, and maybe being in New Orleans would be a good time to find someone to give her a second opinion on treatment options. She knew the initial test to look for cancer would turn up with bad results. Her symptoms were worse. She felt awful more than she felt okay.Then they arrived. At a beautiful big lake house with long and wide windows and more rooms than anyone would know what to do with. It was big enough to be a small resort. Their shuttle looped around a wrap-around driveway and pulled up to an all sides staircase leading to the entrance of the house. It was seemingly in the middle of nowhere and at the same time right in the perfect spot. A short drive from the city and in the middle of a forest and nearby the cottage-esc wedding venue. It was breathtaking and also in some way suffocating to Penelope. One month. She could do that. All she had to do was follow the ground rules she set up for herself.Stay with the group, no alone time.Keep your distance from everyone.Act normalThree rules. Piece of cake.
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Penelope walked up to the house side by side with Maya and Jade. She felt almost like she was in the middle to keep herself from running away as they ascended the outside stairs. She carried her bag awkwardly behind her. Maya and Jade each opened a door for her after sitting theirs down, knowing full well that with her mixing equipment she had the heaviest luggage. She walked in and was glad to see the open concept lodge was hardwood and she could easily roll her suitcase from there on. When she looked up to take in the house, she was caught breathless. There was an intense emptiness in her lungs.Josie and Hope had come to the top of the grand wood staircase to greet the entering party. Josie and Hope who Penelope hadn’t seen in over a year. Josie and Hope hadn’t changed at all. Who looked just as alluring as they ever had before. Josie hair might’ve been a little longer and abnormally straight for the special occasion; she was captivating with her mouth agape, staring down Penelope. Her fiancée beside her had an edgier cut than she had the last time Penelope saw her; Hope had cut her hair into razor layers. Still gorgeous. And those four beautiful eyes, each beautiful in the way that two were dark brown that had always captivated you and two were bright blue eyes that you loved to stare into. Penelope lost her ability to speak.“Pen...” Josie was the first one of the three to find the words to speak. Then she suddenly came to her senses. “Jade, Maya!” She descended the stairs and pulled her lost girlfriend down with her. Hope nearly tripped back into reality as she came down too. Penelope was completely out of her body - pupils blown, mind lost. Josie seemed to fall completely into a hostess role. “It’s so good to see you guys!” She called and pulled Maya into a hug. “Let me help you with your bags!” She pulled on the suitcases surrounding them.“I know, it’s been forever. Congratulations! I’m so happy for the two of you!” Maya said and Penelope’s spacey mind regarded the statement as the statement of the year. She swallowed a lump in her throat as Hope hugged Jade. The two girls both seemed to come to the middle, toward Penelope. And then they both faltered.They took a step away from Penelope . “It’s so good to see you.” Hope finally found the words to talk.“You guys, too.” Pen quipped and gave them a half-hearted - almost reserved for acquaintances' smiles. “Congratulations.”A beat of silence.Hope clapped her hands together. “Okay. Well, let’s get your stuff upstairs. The others are up there already...” The group of them gathered bags and brought them up to rooms. There were two beds in every room except for the master. They dropped their bags in a few different rooms while Hope explained that Penelope and Jade had a room and Maya and Cleo would share another. Then Hope and Josie led them into a room with other guests and Penelope found that those other guests were really just the rest of the super squad, who of course were the only ones who would take an entire month off to come and celebrate. Normal people would come later in the month when they could get out of their normal day jobs. That made sense.Penelope was ecstatic to see that the Super Squad - who were all hugs and excited over their arrival - were already drinking. Most of them called her Penelope Effin Park or DJ Incindio jokingly. She laughed them off and pretended to take a bow. Then the conversation seemed to meld into the party that it always did when they were in college. As if no time had passed at all. As if they’re lives hadn’t gone in a million different directions after graduation. Penelope had kept up with most of them from a distance though. Cleo was still making a living off her company food truck, which had expanded the different types of foods offered. Mg had opened his own martial arts studio. Jed and Landon were teachers and advocates for queer sex education. Most of them had become successful in some type of way in their respective fields.Penelope drank vodka straight from the bottle as they played some random games and danced to music. They talked about their lives and sometimes bragged a little about one accomplishment or another. For the better part of the first hour, Penelope just sat on the other side of the room from Hope and Josie. The two girls seemed to stare at her on and off and Penelope just forced herself not to look back at them. Then Maya came up with an amazing game in celebration of the wedding. It was a ‘How well do you know the bride’ game. They’d go around the room and ask a question to Hope or Josie about the other and see how many they could get right. They all decided quickly that for each question right everyone would drink since It was more likely that they’d get the questions right. Then the game began. The questions started basic and got harder and harder, but Josie and Hope were really good at it. They knew each other like the back of their hands.“Okay, what was the name of each other’s first pet?” It was the third round and everyone involved was pretty far gone already. Everyone watched Josie think long and hard.“I swear it’s on the tip of my tongue, your dog's name..” She scrunched her nose, smiling after finally being caught off guard by a question. “I’m not sure.” Josie bit her lip.“Wolfey .” The group turned to Penelope, who was staring at the floor with her cheeks light pink from the vodka. It took a minute for her to even look up and notice them all staring at her. “He was an all white husky with blue eyes. Wolfey, he was a gift from her dad while he was always traveling for family business.” She looked at Josie. “Josie’s was flame. A cat. He was an orange cat.”
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The entire night of celebration went on and on, but eventually, it came to an end. Long past midnight, the super squad said their goodnights and slowly trickled out of the upstairs living room to adjourn to their beds. The next night was the real first night of celebration - the engagement party. Penelope had followed her rules well for a first night - hadn’t gotten stuck in a position where she was alone, kept her distance. All and all she felt pretty accomplished. Even if Josie and Hope hadn’t stopped trying to get her attention since they played that one stupid game.Penelope slipped into her and Jade’s room as everyone said goodnight. Jade followed her in and they changed to sleep. “You really somehow avoided talking to them all night, huh.” Jade joked as the two got situated. Penelope got out her laptop, knowing she wouldn’t get any sleep and she’d have enough work to catch up on anyway. She didn’t dignify Jade’s sentence with an answer. “You plan on doing that all night?”Penelope laid on the bed and opened her mac. “I don’t really know what to do, Jade. If you’ve got a million-dollar idea, I’m all ears.”Jade curled up on her bed and turned her nightstand light off. “Well I’m no genius, but talking to them might be a good first step.”Pen turned the light off. The light of the Mac illuminated her face. “It’s not that easy, Jade. It’s been a year.”Jade grumbled beneath blankets. “Yeah and neither of them even got mad at you.” She said, “It takes a lot for you to cut someone off for a year and for them not to be mad at you, Pen. Honestly, their self-control is impressive.”Penelope shook her head. “They were the ones who invited me to their wedding.”“Do you really think that means they don’t have a right to be upset about you cutting them out of your life? They were your best friends. That’s a pretty hard blow, regardless.” Jade told her.Penelope opened her mouth to speak but didn’t have the chance. There was a light knock on their door.“Hey, are the two of you getting situated okay?” Josie poked her head through the door. Jade and Penelope nodded, yes. “Pen.. can I talk to you real quick?”Penelope’s whole body felt compelled to both run to and away from the question. She scratched the back of her head. “I actually have a bit of work to catch up since I moved things around for the trip.” Josie’s pout made Penelope’s whole being feel obliged to come out despite already telling the lie. “How about tomorrow, jojo?”“Uh. Yeah. Tomorrow.” Josie nodded and slipped back out the door. Penelope went back to her work despite the pit in her stomach.Penelope couldn’t have known that once the door was closed, A tear slipped down Josie’s cheek. She’d been holding it in all night. She felt like Penelope was this fragile piece of glass that she couldn’t touch - couldn’t move around. She didn’t want to talk, she refused to look at her or Hope. Christ, she sat on the other side of the Fucking room. Josie felt like she was being punished for something and she couldn’t put her finger on it. It was a terrible feeling.She sighed and wiped the tear away. She walked back to her and Hope’s room and closed the door behind her. Then, her knees gave out and she fell to the floor with her back against the door. Hope was by her side in seconds, soothing her. “I know baby, it’s okay, it’s okay.”Josie sobbed into her fiancee’s shoulder. “I thought seeing her would make it better, I thought- fuck. It’s like she’s standing right there and I can’t talk to her. We were best friends and now...” There was no way to end the sentence. Now they were what?“I know baby, I know. I feel the same way.” Hope’s stomach dropped at Josie’s reaction, at seeing Penelope, at feeling so out of control of the situation.Josie tried to stop herself from crying. She couldn’t. “Did she look pale to you?”Hope held her girlfriend tight. “Baby, it’s gonna be okay.”“I just, I really hate this Hopey. We’ve missed a whole year of her life. And she’s just acting like- like- I don’t even know. She goes off and shows how well she knows us and then doesn’t talk to us for the rest of the night?” Josie had only become increasingly overwhelmed over the past few hours.Hope ran her hands through her fiancee’s hair. “I don’t know baby. I don’t understand it either. But we’ve got a month, right? And she’s here. She came. That’s a start.” Hope told her. “Hey, that’s a start. Right?”Josie forced herself to nod. “Yeah, Yeah.”
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The next morning felt like the day before to Hope. It was as if the night of drinking had been a fever dream. She woke up with her alarm and felt the pang of the hangover settle between her temples. She stayed in bed and snuggled Josie for a while before convincing herself to get up and go for her morning run. The master bedroom was at the end of a hallway balcony that looked over the beautiful living room decorated in modern wood paneling and an old brick fireplace. She passed it and snuck down the stairs. The place was eerily quiet in comparison to the night before. The super squad would all likely be nursing hangovers by the time they woke up. Hope figured she’d have a few hours to herself in the meantime.Hope took a breath at the top of the grand staircase. From there, she could see the beautifully rented home. The chandelier cascaded over the open dining room. The windows brought in a wall of natural light with the rising sun through the forest. The scenic view outside the windows was a cluster of pine trees filtering out the bright morning light. The wind blew and the light coming into the lodge waved in the same way the ocean flowed. It bounced off the stainless steel kitchen appliances, illuminated the tan-style marble counters, and put a spotlight on the center island. Hope found it to be the house she wished she could buy one day once her and Josie are ready to settle down and have kids of their own. The five-bedroom, four-and-a-half-bath lodge was big enough for anyone who wanted to come stay, large enough for parties, and perfectly close enough to the city. The morning trails Hope found it to be just as wonderful. They led her through the forest by way of showing her the smallest nooks of nature, while also challenging her to finish their length. It was peaceful and just far enough from civilization.Hope nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned the corner of a trail and found Jade on the other side of the corner. She jumped - Jade jumped, and both girls ripped out their AirPods. “Jesus Christ, Jade,” Hope said and both girls took a few deep breaths before anything else was said.“Good morning to you too, sunshine.” Jade smiled with all of her teeth and Hope rolled her eyes. She should’ve known Jade would be going on her own run. The woman ran her own million-dollar gym.Hope scratched her head. “Sorry, you just scared the shit out of me.”Jade turned toward the direction she’d come and waved Hope to continue on first. “Yeah, you scared me too. After you, m’lady.”Hope jogged on and Jade kept pace. “No hangover?”“Could ask you the same thing, red.” Jade laughed. “I’m used to late nights and early mornings if you know what I mean.” She winked and Hope rolled her eyes. “What about you?”Hope only shrugged. “Take a jog every morning. These trails are really nice. A good breath of fresh air from the city. I like to use the morning to think.”“Anything, in particular, to think about?” Jade asked.Hope was impressed by how easily Jade could keep pace. It was almost fun to have someone to challenge. “I don’t really want to ask again, but...”“How’s Pen?” Hope asked with a sly smirk. They’d talked about the brunette time and time again over the past year. Jade had become a messenger and helped them play catch up with Penelope’s life. “She’s... Pen. Dodgy, apprehensive, moody.”Hope chuckled. “Yeah but that’s always. How is she really? Has she said anything to you?”Jade smiled half-heartedly. “Not in so many words. I know she missed everyone, just won’t say it.” Hope watched her feet as Jade spoke. “But if I know anything about Pen, her first instinct in every situation is just to run away. From it, from us. She’s always so scared of ruining everything.”Hope felt the pit in her stomach pool. Hope knew that was true. Penelope was always timider than she led everyone to believe. From the outside, she looked like she was just pushing people away, but in reality, she was just scared to let them in. The walls Hope, Josie, and the other Super squad members had spent years breaking down seemed to be double the height they were during Penelope’s freshman year. “Did she say anything about...”Jade stopped as they came to the edge of the woods and the end of their walk. “She’s afraid she ruined your relationship,” Jade said in a low voice. “I really didn’t want to be the one to tell any of you anything about each other if I’m being honest. It’s not a business I should be involved in, but this has gone on long enough. The three of you need to figure out how to be friends again. Penelope needs you more than she’ll ever know and I know the two of you need her.” Jade cracked her neck. “She thinks that she can’t be friends with either of you without ruining it. She thinks she’s a kid in a glass store that has to stand still. And I think it’s kind of killing her. She hardly goes anywhere but her penthouse and the studio. We talk on the phone but she always has an excuse not to hang out. I’m honestly afraid she’s depressed. I had to guilt-trip her to come here at all.” Jade looked Hope in the eye. “I really didn’t want to do this to you a month from your wedding. I didn’t want to put any more stress on you or Jo... but I think you need to know that she needs this. You. I know you want her to come to you, for her to tell you why she cut you off and it’s not fair that she’s not going to... but if you and Josie really care about her in the way I think you do, you’re going to have to do the work.”Hope opened her mouth, but no words came out. And then Jade went into the lodge and back to her room. Hope walked back into the lodge and sighed. Jade’s words almost physically hurt. She was right. The previous night, Hope and Josie had been waiting for Penelope to come to them - to say something to them. They were trying not to be all over her and suffocate her. But Jade was right. Penelope’s walls were higher than ever because she was scared. She had always done that when she was scared. She ran. It was her number one line of defense.What was worse was that Hope hadn’t realized what seemed so obvious. Penelope was afraid of ruining her and Josie’s relationship. She thought that what happened between them at the end of senior year was going to hurt them. She was afraid that she’d somehow ruined their relationship and therefore ruined their friendship. Hope thought about it through her entire shower and through making breakfast. Stress cooking was a bad habit of hers and before she knew it she had more food than the super squad would likely know what to do with. Towards the end, she started plating and cleaning up and she couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled up Spotify and started Penelope’s College Days album on the kitchen speaker. The music took her away from what she was physically doing. It distorted reality around her as she tried to memorize the words. The album had an intense sorrow that chilled Hope’s bones. Josie was right, it hurt to listen to it.Between the smell of bacon lofting through the air and Penelope’s voice on the speaker singing the last song on the album - when I’m gone - the super squad were drawn to the feast at the dining room table. Landon then Maya, Ethan and jade soon after, and then all of a sudden they were piling in. Everyone except Penelope and Josie , whom Hope had been most anxious to see. The super squad chit-chat swarmed over the song, some of which sang and harmonized with the recording of Penelope's voice. Hope passed around cups of coffee for the super squad to customize and everyone sat down.It was the last chorus that seemed to pull Penelope and Josie from their rooms. Hope had already gotten them cups of coffee - made without hesitation to each of their likings. There was a pang in her chest at how well she knew them. At how much she liked making them each coffee.Hope had been bringing their coffees over to the table when she turned and found Josie at the top of the stairs. Josie with Penelope following slowly behind her. Penelope couldn’t have gotten further from Josie on the staircase. Hope put on a smile despite the obvious tension between them. “Good morning, ladies.” The two girls exchanged a confused look as they descended the stairs to meet Hope. “Jo,” Hope handed her a cup of coffee to which Josie thanked her. “And Pen.” She offered the petite brunette her coffee.Penelope took it and looked down at it, surprised. Josie and Hope both looked at her. Penelope looked up and swallowed. “Thank you.” She mumbled. Hope smiled and the girls headed to the table.“Heyyy DJ Incindio!” Ethan shouted and the super squad hollered along with him. Penelope again did a fake little bow. “Did you guys listen to these songs?” Landon jokes. “It’s almost like no feelings Penelope Effin Park missed us.” Penelope rolled her eyes, smiling.Jade only pushed it forward. “Badass Penelope? More like softy Park.” And the gang all laughed. Then breakfast broke into the conversation and everyone thanked Hope for the good meal. Of course, Josie knew better.“Stress cooking?” Josie asked once the squad had moved on to other topics and Hope had started cleaning up after breakfast.“Had a lot to think about,” Hope admitted and glanced sideways towards Penelope and then turned her attention back at Josie.“Did you talk to her?” Josie asked.“No, I talked to Jade and she.. gave some good advice,” Hope explained. “She said Pen’s afraid that she ruined our relationship or that she would or could if she let us back in.” Hope paused to let Josie take in the information. “Then Jade said she’s too scared to do anything but run since that’s all she's ever done. It kind of makes me think... maybe we shouldn’t try to corner her into talking.”Josie’s shoulders fell slack at her sides. She turned toward the table of ladies behind her. “Alright ladies, today we’ve got a spa day down the street lined up! Go get ready. We leave around noon!” She called. An uproar started about that as they went upstairs to get ready. Josie watched everyone go. She turned back to Hope. “Go on.”“It kind of makes me think she needs a reminder of what it’s like to have friends and a support system around her. She misses the squad and I think she’s forgotten what it’s like to be a part of the super family.” Hope said. “Jade thinks she’s depressed. She hardly ever goes out to enjoy herself. So maybe we just pretend last year didn’t happen? Or at least just act like everything is okay between us? I know it’s not what you want to do, but maybe getting her to open up-““Kill her with kindness.” Josie let the smallest smirk peak on her lips. “We can do that.” Hope smiled at her girlfriend, who kissed her, and then ran off to get ready for the spa.Four hours later the super squad were in white robes with a golden emblem of the spa on them. The spa had them change and the first of the activities was a full body massage where the girls split up while Hope and Josie got a couples massage. After they were led into a spa to relax before they got facials and mani-pedis. The wood room was a steamy oasis that they all sat in towels in. “My bones have never felt so jumbled around in my body before but I like it..” Cleo said and all the girls laughed as she laid back against the wood seat.Josie tried not to look at Penelope anymore than she did the other girls, but she couldn’t help noticing the smallest changes in the petite brunette. Her eyes were sunken into her body with bags that were as dark as a black eye would’ve been. Had she slept at all? Her skin was definitely paler. Has she somehow lost weight? Josie tried not to kick herself for the thoughts. If she thought too much about it she’d lose herself in a rabbit hole asking herself what she could’ve done to help Penelope take care of herself. Jade’s assumption was probably right, she most likely was depressed.“I don’t know if I’ve ever been this relaxed in my life,” Maya admitted.Steam filtered through the room as the squad all seemed to be content in their own relaxation. “Damn, how are you two paying for this?”“The month is sponsored by my dad,” Hope admitted. “What he lacks in showing up for life events he makes up for with money. That and a promise that I’d spend next summer shadowing the CEO of Mikaelson Corp.” Mikaelson Corp was the family business that Hope’s dad couldn’t stand her not having a hand in. Hope just wasn’t interested in it. She has always painting she wants to open her own gallery.“Not only did he miss most of your childhood but he made you promise to intern for him? That takes balls.” Jade countered, rolling her eyes. “I would’ve guilt-tripped him into paying for the whole thing without any promise of interning.”“I would’ve...” Hope looked at Penelope, who stuttered when Hope’s eyes landed on her. But the sentence was already in motion. “I would’ve paid for it for you.” She said quickly and her eyes flicked between Josie and Hope. “I mean, you shouldn’t have to be blackmailed to have your wedding, dude.”Josie smiled, feeling her body settle into her life of a year ago - the nostalgia for Penelope and her constant need to end every other sentence with dude. It felt nice. “Thank you, Pen, but it’s alright. We couldn’t take your money. You worked hard for it.”“It wouldn’t even be a thing,” Penelope countered. She seemed unable to look Josie in the eye for too long. Josie tried not to think about how hard it was to even contact Penelope over the course of the last year. She tried to enjoy the notion of what Penelope was trying to offer. “I mean I owe my entire career to you nerds.” There was a long pause as she looked between Josie and Hope and an unspoken form of gratitude. Her career was built on her journey with the super squad and all three girls seemed to silently acknowledge that Penelope's music career started the day they met.The super squad agreed in unison and Jade elbowed Penelope into taking the compliment. Penelope looked at Jade. “I think I’m already close enough to all of you, please don’t touch me in nothing but a towel, Salvatore.” The squad all laughed.“Oh sorry, I’ll just burst into your shower later, then did you forget park ? We share a room and shower.” Jade laughed.Josie bit her lip. She thought about what Hope said about acting like they had before everything happened. Like best friends. If Josie was going to act like normal, this was it. “Oh yeah, Pen. If you owe your career to anything it’s me busting into your life freshman year even after you tried to avoid me because of lizzie.” Josie said laughing and Lizzie started laughing as wellPenelope's face was as red as a hot pepper. “You're right. I should’ve added a song called "Persistent" to college days.” Penelope met her gaze and Josie felt her stomach fill with butterflies. Their best friend Penelope was still somewhere inside there still. Hope was right, now was their chance to pull it out. And Josie was very charming if she did say so herself. The girls carried the joke from one person to another before an attendant came to take them to the next part of the spa day. A spa day that Josie was starting to really look forward to. Flirting was her specialty.
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Penelope picked up a magazine beside the massage chair and tried not to laugh as the spa employee massaged her legs. It was another tabloid, luckily without her name on the front of it. Nevertheless, she made a headline on the second page. It was a picture of her coming out of the airport with Jade and Maya on her heels. All of them were walking quickly to avoid the cameras to the shuttle the day before. Penelope rolled her eyes. The interest the public had in her day-to-day life was excruciating. She hardly did anything but work and go home which meant any trip outside of her home was somehow big news.DJ Incindio is on a trip to New Orleans after taking a month's hiatus from the studio!The article delved into conspiracies about her taking off from work when she was supposed to be working to finish Maya’s first album. It made wild accusations about her private life and introduced Jade as the CEO of “Girl’s only” , the line of gyms made for girls to avoid having men staring at them at the gym. Then it described Maya as Penelope’s next project while also talking about the three’s history of going to college together at Salvatore University and the now infamous Super Squad, the group of friends who all became big things . The article ended with a question - The real question is if we’ll ever figure out the mystery of DJ Incindio’s love life!“Any good conspiracies?” Josie asked, leaning over her massage chair and looking at the magazine over Penelope’s shoulder. At that cue, Jade on the other side of her looked too.Penelope shook her head. “Nope, not really. Just the age-old question of who I’m dating.” She put the magazine down and pointed to the black matte color for her nails.“Well, you are the number two most promiscuous artist.” Josie joked and Penelope rolled her eyes, chuckling to herself.Penelope continued to follow her rules and had so far been just as successful. It’d become an easier lull of old routines with the super squad in college. She’d even found a way to talk to Josie and Hope without sounding robotic or uncomfortable. She was still tense - but it wasn’t as unbearable as it had been the night before. She didn’t feel the need to have a bottle of vodka in hand. The massage was actually helpful and the spa routine was calming. Especially after traveling with leukemia. Her body had ached the night before and she hadn’t stopped working till four in the morning. She would’ve gone longer if she could keep her eyes open. Jade added on. “Just behind Taylor Swift. Calm down over there Park.” She laughed.Lizzie went off. “I mean god forbid you write about love just like every other artist does ever and did anyone else notice that list was inherently sexist?”Penelope shook her head. “Do all of you read the tabloids about me?”“Some of them are really funny, park.” Jed said from a couple of chairs down.Maya slapped Hope’s shoulder, “oh, oh. Yeah like, remember the one where they thought she was dating Harry Styles after he was in her music video?” The group of them laughed.“Hey, I could’ve been!” Penelope looked around at them, defensively.“Not a chance in hell.” Jade rolled her eyes. “It takes a lot longer than a month of filming for you to find someone remotely attractive.”“It took you an entire year to date Cora,” MG remarked and the Groupd laughed.“Hey, you didn’t date Lizzie for like four years!” Beca’s voice cracked.“I wasn’t saying I’d date anyone after knowing them for a month.” MG corrected. The group laughed.“What’s wrong with that?” Penelope asked, looking across on both sides.“Nothing, cutie.” Josie told her and put a hand on hers, reassuringly. “You just have a lot of walls that need to come down first.” Penelope turned to Josie and suddenly it didn’t feel like they were joking around with the group - it was different. Their eyes met and Penelope forgot how to breathe. Penelope could read between the lines of what Josie said. Josie and Hope both had spent years breaking down Penelope’s walls and now they were at ground zero. Guilt seemed to swirl around Penelope. She felt the damage she’d done from the last night of senior year fill her with pain.Penelope pulled her hand from Josie’s . “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She feigned offense to the statement and the group all laughed. Penelope saw the look in Josie’s eyes though, the slight frown from the way Penelope pulled away. It disappeared a millisecond later and she had that same bright and sunshine smile she always had before.The group moved from there to the next station to get their nails painted the boys skipped out on this one and got hot stone massages. In the line of chairs, Josie and Hope sat on either of Penelope and her throat went dry. “Don’t the two of you want to sit together?”Hope shrugged. “We see each other every day.” She offered a gentle smile. “With you on the other hand we have a lot to catch up on.”Penelope was silent for a second. She thought about the morning earlier - her own music playing over the kitchen speakers. Before then, she hadn’t known if Hope or Josie had even heard her albums. She wasn’t sure if they’d want to after everything that happened. But now she knew they did. And she knew they’d get the references to themselves - the obvious notions of their Penelope’s feelings for each of them. It made Penelope feel vulnerable. She hated that feeling more than anything. “Haven’t missed much.”“A modest world-famous award-winning artist.” Hope joked.Josie smiled and elbowed Penelope . “World touring artist too, huh.”Penelope shook her head. “It’s really not all that, dude.”“You’ve literally made a name for yourself in your twenties, Pen. You have your whole life to make music that everyone will hear. That’s amazing. You should be ecstatic.” Hope said, her eyes sparkling with the passion of what she was saying.Penelope chest felt empty. That was true. She should be ecstatic, but if she thought about it, she’d never been as excited as she should’ve been. It was probably because she knew about her diagnosis by the time she got the break. And she was happy about it, but it was heartbreaking at the same time. It was almost as if she was just trying to speed up her life to get out every piece of music she could before she couldn’t anymore. And at the same time, she never realized how much it affected her. She forced a smile. “I am.”“Beautiful, successful, mysterious. That should be the headlines in the tabloids.” Josie winked and Penelope rolled her eyes.Penelope’s phone rang and she flipped it to her home screen. It was an unknown number and she knew who it was. It was one of the doctor’s offices she’d called to get an appointment with now that she was in town. She swallowed and stood up - glad that her attendant hadn’t started with her fingers yet. She exited the room without so much of a word of warning. She went out to the hall and picked up the phone. “This is Penelope Park.” That was a coined term for when she was in the studio - she’d learned to put her name out there first.“Hello, Ms. Park. I’m calling from Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in reference to a referral for an appointment with us?”Penelope swallowed. She hated every piece of that sentence. She hated the clinical sound of her voice, the thought of walking into another doctor’s office, and the thought of being in treatment again. She took a deep breath though. She couldn’t evade treatment any longer. If she did, there was no chance she’d be there in the future… and she wanted to be there. “Yes, that is correct.”“I have a cancellation on Monday morning at 9 am, will the work for you? Otherwise, we’re booked out about three weeks in advance.”“Monday at 9 am I can do,” Penelope confirmed. There weren’t any wedding plans during the week. She’d just have to find an excuse to sneak off.“Great. We’ll see you at 9 am.”
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Penelope sat behind the wheel of a rental jeep, head against it. She’d been trying to stop crying for ten minutes or so before walking back into the lodge. It seemed impossible. Her face was red and puffy from fits of tears. Her eyes were swelling. She couldn’t steady her breathing - couldn’t stop gasping for air. She tapped her foot against the floorboard front seat, anxiously trying to get herself to relax. It wasn’t and wouldn’t work. Another flood of tears slipped down her cheeks and she shook her head at herself. She shouldn’t have been crying. Penelope Park almost never cried. She wasn’t so emotional - wouldn’t break down in such a vulnerable way. There wasn’t a chance in the world that she’d walk back into the lodge looking like she did. She had to pull herself together. Her appointment had ended in the decision to restart chemotherapy, but that wasn’t the worst part of it.Her doctor wanted her to have chemotherapy daily.She’d hardly been able to handle the symptoms and side effects of once a week. This was a more aggressive form of treatment for her cancer because it had spread since she took a break from treatment. She’d forced herself not to cry in front of the doctor - the stranger. It had come out all at once when she got to the car. She couldn’t make it stop through the drive, but she’d rented a car and driven herself for a reason. If she had a driver take her, someone would know she was there. It would end up in a tabloid a heartbeat later. She refused to let that happen. She parked at the end of the long driveway into the woods to give herself time to get it together. So far, she had no such luck.The first time she’d been on chemotherapy, it had been brutal. She had to force herself out of bed each morning. Some days she crawled to the bathroom to throw up or just laying on the bathroom floor to keep from having to move. Some days, She hadn’t been able to think clearly enough to make music. She stayed home more often than she went to work - worked from home on days she couldn’t get out of bed. Then she had to make sure to leave the house once or twice a week just to make it look like she was better than she was - just to show reporters she was alive and pretend she was well. She never wanted to eat, never had an appetite. It was only when she was off the chemo that she was able to get herself back to a healthy weight. Now her doctor wanted her to do seven times the treatment she had been on and didn’t recommend waiting any longer to do so. There was no way she could keep it hidden while living with the group. They didn’t give anyone personal space - Penelope was sure they didn’t know the definition.Penelope gave up on trying to look her best. She stopped herself from crying and pulled the car up to the wrap around to go inside. If someone looked too closely, she was sure they’d notice, but the house wasn’t as full as it was over the weekend. Most of the group who lived on the east coast went home for the week to work. Hope and Josie had even gone to work and would be back later. Penelope put on her sunglasses as she got out and walked back into the big empty lodge. She would have to get as much work as she could done while everyone was away and before the chemo that she’d start tomorrow.Jade was sitting in the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee. Penelope wanted to go straight to their room, but couldn’t make the decision as to what was the least suspicious. The house seemed empty otherwise. Penelope walked toward the kitchen and lifted up the glasses. She was going to talk to Jade, but before she could her body betrayed her. One look into Jade’s eyes and she was all tears all over again. Jade reacted immediately and as Penelope slumped over, Jade caught her in her arms and held her tight. Penelope could tell her friend - her best friend - was caught off guard by the outburst of tears streaming down her face. She’d never cried in front of Jade. She might’ve cried once or twice in front of Josie and Hope. Jade held her for a long time without saying anything and reassured her by rubbing her back. Penelope sobbed into her shoulder, hating herself for every second the moment lasted.“Do you want to talk about it?” Jade finally asked in a gentle voice and Penelope hesitated. She could be honest. She could tell jade the truth, let her in and maybe jade could help her hide it when things inevitably got worse. She could have someone on her side who knew everything about her life and the stress that had manifested because of it.“This is all just too much.”Jade didn’t deserve to suffer any longer than she had to. Didn’t deserve to watch Penelope go through chemo treatment after chemo treatment just for her health to get worse. She didn’t deserve to spend maybe years of her life at Penelope’s penthouse while Penelope withered away into nothing. She didn’t deserve to waste her life at doctor's appointments. And Penelope knew those were all things Jade would do if Penelope told her the truth about her illness.“You could make it easier on yourself, you know.” Jade almost whispered back as if the house was full of the group. “You could let Josie and Hope back in, let the squad be there for you again.” Penelope sobbed into her shoulder again and Jade hugged her tighter. “You deserve a support system, Pen. You spend twice as much energy pushing everyone away.” Jade couldn’t have possibly known that her words were a double-edged sword on Penelope’s side, adding insult to injury and salt in the wound. She couldn’t have known that it only hurt more to those words.“We should take half days on Monday every week.” Jade and Penelope both turned their attention away from each other and towards the front door of the lodge, where Josie and Hope were coming in. Penelope tried to wipe away the tears that hadn’t stopped for an hour or so now. She was honestly dehydrated. Her eyes met Josie’s , Hope’s , then she looked at the floor. “Pen? Are you okay?”“Are you crying?” Hope asked and both girls were across the expanse in seconds and by Penelope’s side. Josie pulled her into a hug and Penelope couldn’t stop the tears.She opened her mouth to say something, but Jade, who’d crossed the room to the stairs, cut her off. “Twice as much energy.” She mumbled before walking off.Penelope felt her back against the wall - cornered into the situation. She couldn’t focus, couldn’t be honest. Josie and Hope would have wasted their lives taking care of them. They would’ve thrown away the careers they built, lives they had, not to mention the wedding. Penelope couldn’t think of the words. She hid her face in Josie’s shoulder. “I missed you guys.” If her face hadn’t been hidden in Josie’s shirt, pen was almost positive they would’ve seen right through her.
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Josie watched the way Penelope held onto Josie's hand. Loose, but irrevocably firm fingers latched to her own as they walked into the living room beyond the kitchen. The fireplace was burning as the brick centerpiece of the room with all furniture facing it. They sat on the center of the three couches directly in front of the marble coffee table. Penelope seemed more willing to look at the skylight ceiling than to look at Hope or Josie. Her eyes were red and puffy, shrouded in the darkness. Being so close to her, Josie was sure that Penelope was paler and she’d lost weight since they’d seen each other the year before. She was tapping her foot in the way she did when she was anxious before a performance when she used to invite them. Josie looked at Hope, whose eyes mirrored her own worry for their best friend - the girl they loved. Josie wondered if Penelope had let the last night of senior year got to her this much. It seemed almost, off base.“Pen, about that night -”Penelope was quick to cut her off. “We can forget about it.”Josie paused for a moment, trying not to show how easily that one sentence could affect her. Her mind leapt back to a year before - Penelope’s lips tasting like rum and coke, her eyes hooded, the vulnerability she willingly gifted them. If Josie and Hope were being honest with themselves, they didn’t want to forget. They couldn’t. For over a year it was like a missing link in their relationship - a subtle throb in the back of their minds. It was impossible to describe the way Josie and Hope’s relationship was whole on its own and still missing everything that night brought.“Right?” Pen asked, looking between the two of them. “Can we forget about it?”Hope looked at Josie, who seemed at a loss for words. Hope looked back at Penelope. “If that’s what you want.”Penelope let out a breath she’d been holding in waiting for an answer. She still looked like she was near tears. “I’m a fucking mess, dude.” She put her head in her hands. “I’ve been a fucking mess for a year.”“You’re not a mess, Pen-”“I finally had a family, a real family, and I fucking ruined it, dude. I push everyone away.” Pen spoke into her hands and Josie rubbed her back, still at a loss for words. She’d never seen Penelope so raw. “I just want my best friends back.”The empathy pulsing in Josie’s chest started to throb. “We’re right here, Pen.” We Love you. “We’re not going anywhere.” Josie’s lungs ached. She didn’t want to forget about that night, she didn’t want to just be friends, but if it was between being friends and losing Penelope entirely, Josie would suffer every day. “We have and always will be your best friends.”Hope pulled Penelope’s chin up to look at them and Penelope followed Hope’s pull. The three hugged tight and Penelope wiped the tears off her cheek. “Fuck.” She whispered. “I hate this.”Hope bit her lip to keep from smiling, but she was smiling anyway. “...Feelings?” She giggled and Josie laughed too. Then from their laughing, Penelope caught onto the contagious sound and all three of them were laughing. They all held each other close and laughed. Penelope and Hope’s laughs were music to Josie’s ears.“In that case, I’ll be right back.” Hope pulled away and ran to the kitchen. Penelope looked at Josie, eyebrows raised. Josie just shrugged. Hope came back a few minutes later with extra blankets, Penelope’s laptop, and two bags of Doritos - Penelope’s favorite. “Okay, I ordered Chinese.”“You had Doritos this whole time? What Chinese did you get?” Pen almost laughed.Hope shrugged. “We went shopping for the house and they’re your favorite.” She laid out the blanket over Penelope and Josie. “And with the number of times I’ve ordered you Chinese, I don’t think I could ever forget it, Park.”That day seemed to fly past them on that couch - listening to music, talking about the year they’d missed out on, and eating Chinese food. The three of them ended up sideways, upside down, and sometimes on the floor. It was like they had been before - almost like they picked up from where they left off. The three of them could hang out for hours without realizing the time passed them by. They hardly left the living room at all and none of them ever wanted to leave each other’s company again.Somehow, Penelope had ended up in the center of them both, showing off images of Park studio, the lobby, her studio, her office. “It just makes everything so much easier. Off-screen here is a piano and over here…”“I didn’t even know you played piano,” Hope admitted and Penelope turned her gaze to her.“Honestly I didn’t until this year but music theory makes it a lot easier to learn…” Penelope trailed off when she realized how close Hope was to her. Smooshed on the couch the way they were, their faces were only inches apart - lips close enough to touch. Penelope swallowed, unable to look away, unable to make another move. Hope closed the distance between them and everything Penelope had been evading for a year came to a head. Soft lips met trembling ones.“There’s just no way, guys, come on, we’d know!” Maya’s voice screeched through the open concept layout and footsteps of a crowd followed behind her. Her voice called Jade from her and Penelope’s room and surprised Hope, Josie, and Penelope to jump apart. “Pen said herself that the tabloids never get it right.”Then the group were in the living room - all of them with Jade looking down at them from the bridge. Penelope, Josie, and Hope turned to them from the couch - all confused. Landon was holding something in her hand. “You want to explain this?” She threw it across the room and the magazine landed in Penelope’s lap. She stared at it, eyes wide, and examined the cover page.DJ Incindio seeks care at a cancer center in New Orleans while taking a month-long hiatus from work! Anonymous Patient from the waiting room confirms the award-winning artist was seeking medical care.
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Penelope stared at the magazine cover for a long time, completely silent, as she read and reread the headline. Shock swept over her time and time again as the reality of it set in. She thought she’d been so careful. She tried to remember what other people were at the cancer center - who sold the information to the tabloids. She reconciled that it didn’t matter - the damage was done. Again, she had a silent choice to make. She could lie her way out of it, make up some story as to why she went to the cancer center, and how wrong the magazine article got it. Omitting the truth and lying felt like miles apart though. The squad were her family. They were the closest thing to at home she’d felt since her mom passed away. Lying to their faces - if she could even manage to do that without any one of them seeing right through her - it felt like purposefully breaking a bone in her body. It was wrong and she couldn’t convince herself otherwise. Not when directly confronted. Guilt pooled in her stomach and she thought about her mom. About taking care of her mom until the end - about waking up each morning to her in the bathroom and staying up through the night with her through the high fevers. The silence was deafening as the squad all crowded onto the living room couches and stared at her. Penelope swallowed and found her throat dry. She opened her mouth, then closed it. How could she find the words?“Pen…” Hope’s voice brought her to the aubrunnette. The aubrunnette that had leaned in and kissed her two minutes before as she laid between her and her fiancée . Whose lips tasted like Doritos. “You’re scaring me.” Penelope realized her voice was shaking. In a heartbeat, Penelope realized that everything she tried to avoid about this trip had come to fruition in a matter of four days. A year of avoidance and self-isolation for her to ruin everything all over again. Nothing had changed. Looking at Hope or Josie, meeting either of their gazes, still made her weak in the knees. This is why she’d cut them off in the first place. She couldn’t be friends with them. She was in love with them.“You know you can tell us anything, right?” Josie’s eyes were so bright and looked right through her. She couldn’t lie to their faces if she wanted to.The air in the room had become tense and what was a baseless accusation became a deafening tension. It weighed down on their shoulders as the seriousness of the headline became a real-life situation of Penelope’s life to the Squad. They were all staring, all waiting with anxiety in their eyes. Penelope had already confirmed the information by not speaking. They were waiting for an explanation of some kind - for why she lied, for details. Even with everyone around her, she felt unbelievable alone. She’d jumped away from Josie and Hope when the squad walked in and she was now on the opposite side of the couch from them. She felt her muscles ache and her chest heave. She was alone because, like always, she’d separated herself from everyone else. She looked at her feet.“I have stage three chronic leukemia.” Penelope wasn’t sure if she’d ever even said the words out loud to herself before.“Oh my god, pen.” Maya reacted first and following her reaction were other shocked reactions and sympathetic sounds from the group.“For how long?” Hope asked.Penelope’s chest tightened. “About a year and a half.” When she heard their muffled voices expressing their shock, Penelope closed her eyes. “I never knew how to say it out loud.” She admitted. “I never knew what to say. I didn’t want-” She couldn’t speak. Nothing came outright. “It was stage two last year. I… I was doing chemotherapy for a while, but it stopped working.”“Jesus Christ, Pen. I can’t believe you kept this a secret for this long.” Jade shook her head and Penelope felt an unreal version of pain that felt worse than the leukemia had ever been.“And the appointment today?” Hope seemed so down to earth, so logical in the face of the information.Penelope let her shoulders drop. Saying what had already caused her to spend her morning crying was harder than talking about the cancer itself. She looked at the ceiling when the tears started to come. She felt a hand wrap over one of her own in her lap. She looked down, tears streaking her face, and found Josie’s hand lacing their fingers together. “I went for a second opinion since I was already here. They want me to do a more aggressive chemo regimen to fight it. It’s basically every day.”“That’s why you were crying…” Josie whispered.“And you’re doing it, right?” Jade asked with a tone that said she was ready to kill Penelope if the answer was no.Penelope took a deep, shaky breath. Josie squeezed her hand tighter. “I am, but chemotherapy was really really hard on my body last time.”“You should’ve told us Pene. We could have helped you last time.” Hope told her and Penelope could hear the frustration in her voice, even if she said it calmly.Penelope shook her head. Her eyes met Hope and there was a new form of determination in them as she spoke. “That’s exactly what I don’t want.” Her voice was more firm, despite the tears. She shook her head and looked over the group of girls in the same way she did before each and every competition they performed in during college. “Look, guys, I love you. I really love you, awesome nerds. You’re the best I’ve ever had. Which is why I didn’t tell you. My mom… she had leukemia. She got it after my dad left and I spent all five years watching her suffer trying to fight it. I don’t want you to watch that.. I don’t want you-” She took a shaky frustrated breath. “I don’t want any of you to change your lives for this. I don’t want you to spend days taking shifts to take care of me. You all have worked hard enough to get where you are and I won’t let you compromise that to watch-” She couldn’t finish her sentence.“You suffer?” Josie asked quietly.“You are insufferable, you know that?” Jade asked. “Why do you always think that keeping everything bottled up is better than telling us the truth?” When Penelope looked up, she saw that Jade had tears in her eyes. Then she noticed that each of the Squad had all been teary-eyed or crying to some extent.“You really think that you know what we’ll say or do about everything,” MG added in a less confrontational tone.“But that’s really it, isn’t it? You don’t know what we’ll do or how we’ll react, you just assume and decide you know what’s best for us.” Jade’s anger was something Penelope felt like she deserved. “How is that any better than Hope thinking that she knew what was best for us?”When Penelope didn’t have a response to that, Josie added to what she had to say in a more comforting tone. “The truth is you don’t know how we’ll react pen. Did you ever think for once that shutting us all out might have been harder than supporting you through this?”Penelope let go of Jo’s hand and hid her face in her lap as a new stream of tears boiled over. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.” Then the squad were all around her, hugging her and offering their support in one way or another. “I’m such an idiot.” She whispered.“Well, that’s probably true, but you are our idiot.” Landon joked and the group laughed through tears.“Okay, so when do you start treatment?” Hope asked, once again being the most logical of the whole group.Penelope sighed. “Tomorrow.”“What time?”Penelope shook her head. “It’s not a big deal.”“Penelope , what time?” Josie’s voice was more demanding. It was no request. Penelope swallowed, dryly.“Nine in the morning.” Penelope conceded.“Alright, we’ll be there,” Hope said, looking at Josie who agreed with an eager nod of her head.“This month is supposed to be a celebration for your-“Josie shook her head. “Penelope , your health is important. You really need to learn how to lean on us for support.”“What are your symptoms?” Hope kept going and Penelope almost regretted the fact that Hope needed to know all the facts - she always wanted to be in control of any situation.Penelope shook her head. “I’m fine.”“I swear if you say that one more time I’ll punch you.” Jade joked but the frustration with Penelope seemed real.Penelope put her hands up, defensively. “It’s really not that bad, dude. Really it’s just being tired, I get migraines. The nosebleeds are the most annoying part. And I’ve been sick more.” She explained.Maya rolled her eyes and smiled. “You’re the only person in the world who gets diagnosed with leukemia and says it’s not that bad.”Josie scooted closer to Penelope . “Pen , I think we’re all trying really hard to understand where you’re coming from. And I’m really, really trying not to be mad.” Josie squeezed her wrist. “But you need to promise all of us something, right here, right now.” Penelope looked at her. “Promise us that there are no more secrets. No more secret jobs or pretending you’re okay when you’re not.”“I swear if I hear anything else I don’t know about you through the tabloids…” Hope’s jaw was unhinged.“I promise, I promise,” Penelope said, quickly cutting off her threat. The group laughed it off and then Beca stood up. “I uh. I hate to cut this off but today has been… a little too much. If it’s okay with all of you, I think I’m going to call it a night.”The group all nodded and told her to get some rest. Penelope turned from them and walked off, feeling the emotional drain of the day slip off her skin. She’d spent half of the day crying and the other half talking about her emotions. For someone like Penelope , that was a once every five years experience. The social interaction and emotional reaction were exhausting. She was grateful to take herself back up to her room. There was too much to process as she ascended the stairs and walked down the hallway. And she almost got into her room to sleep it all off, but before she could she heard a voice call her name. “ Pen ,” Josie’s voice and nickname for her were too distinctive not to know who it was without seeing her. If she had the time, she would’ve turned around, but she had no such thing. Josie’s hand was on her wrist and pulling her hard enough to twirl her around. Her hair flipped with the force of Josie’s pull and Penelope didn’t even know what was happening. Then Josie’s other hand was on her waist and addictive lips were against her. Penelope was shocked at first but couldn’t help falling into the kiss and letting herself enjoy it. Penelope was still lightheaded when Josie pulled away. “It’s only fair.” She whispered before running off back down the stairs.
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The smell of coffee wafted through the kitchen and up the stairs of the open-plan lodge. It was like a call to Penelope that brought her down, surprised that anyone was up as early as she was. She hadn’t been able to sleep from four in the morning on. Around then, a bloody nose brought her back into consciousness and kept her up just long enough for her to be alert. So alert that she couldn't sleep and just decided to get up. She got a shower and tried to cover up her tired eyes with makeup. It wasn’t exactly looking all that much better. Then she smelled the coffee.Down the stairs, Penelope found Josie and Hope sitting at the kitchen island and talking amongst themselves. Josie was dressed in a striped shirt, jean jacket, and black jeans, while Hope opted for a leather jacket, white shirt, and yoga pants. Penelope thought they were both drop-dead gorgeous in comparison to her. She’d only convinced herself to wear sweatpants and a tee-shirt- partly from being so exhausted and partly from the consistent soreness. As Penelope approached, still sleepy, Hope handed her a mug of coffee. “One so you don’t get a headache but no more after that,” Hope said. Penelope realized they’d been waiting for her to come down. Waiting for her to go to her appointment.Penelope raised an eyebrow. “You’re cutting me off from coffee?”“Chemo will make you dehydrated. It’s not good to drink coffee afterward. You’re lucky you get this one.” Penelope sighed. Of course, Hope had taken the time to do an overabundance of research. Penelope wondered how much sleep Hope got. Probably not much.Every waking hour Penelope had spent thinking about the day before. Thinking about Hope and Josie. Thinking about the fact that both of them had kissed her. Her best friends who kissed her. Her best friends who were engaged to each other. Her best friends who were engaged to each other who had kissed her. In front of each other. Penelope just kept reliving it over and over, trying to understand what it meant. She felt like she was living a dream and a nightmare. She was both in the middle of their marriage and somehow not. It was more than just confusing. It felt like an impossible situation.It had taken Penelope half the year of being estranged from them to even come to terms with being in love with them both. It took writing College Days for her to let herself feel the emotions without judging herself for being between her best friends or ruining their relationship. With the music, she felt like she had a safe outlet to explore the feelings without societal judgments for what that meant. The result was only more confusing to her, but she accepted it regardless. She was in love with Josie and Hope. She’d fallen in love with them individually and together. There was no second-guessing it and the songs were raw in the way they expressed it. Two of the songs were about them individually and one was about the way she loved them together. The songs were so obviously about them, some parts were even inside jokes between the three of them.“I have a bag with some snacks and water and I have room in it for your laptop in case you wanted to do work,” Hope said as Penelope drank her coffee. “You should have this. They said online to eat but not too much.” She handed Penelope a protein bar and Penelope just nodded. She knew better than to fight Hope and she was too tired anyway.“How’re you feeling?” Josie asked and Penelope thought it might just be the worst question in the English language. She never had the words to answer it. She was nervous about going in for treatment and confused about doing it with Hope and Josie. Hope and Josie who seemed entirely too invested in her. Who seemed to care about her in a way that wasn’t just friendly. Who kissed her. The sentence just kept coming to the forefront of her mind.They kissed her.Penelope shook her head out of the trance and took a sip of coffee. “Okay as I can be, I guess.”Josie was sitting cross-legged drinking her own coffee. “Did you get any sleep? You look tired, Pen.”Penelope scratched the back of her head. She promised them honesty. “I got a nosebleed at like four, haven’t really been able to sleep since.”Josie reached across the marble island and rubbed a hand over Pens. “I’m sorry. Does that happen often?”Penelope shrugged. “Just enough to be annoying.” Penelope made herself keep her hand in place, knowing it would hurt Josie if she pulled it away. She just didn’t know how to react, how to think about the events of the day before. It seemed impossible to dismantle the complicated feelings layered on top of each other.For Penelope, the hours that followed were a dull throbbing blur of events. The clinical setting of the clinic made her uncomfortable. She tried to focus on what her doctor had to say about the treatment, but she felt unable to do it. Her doctor’s words came in and out of focus, it seemed and Penelope tried to pay attention. At some point, she willingly checked out entirely because Hope was taking notes and Josie was asking question after question about medications when to take them, what to take them with. With only three hours of real sleep, Penelope was grateful that she didn’t have to force herself to understand the words while also internalizing them. It made the process of talking and explaining and asking simpler when she was the only one there to think about it. She also felt less interested in asking the questions because she’d been through a similar treatment before, she’d asked many of the questions, and she was almost too exhausted to bother. If it were her alone, she might’ve just hoped that her doctors knew what was best since that was their job. Even though she wouldn’t say it out loud, Penelope knew she was grateful that Josie and Hope had found out. Her first session of chemotherapy lasted for three hours. Josie and Hope were determined to keep her distracted as they sat together, waiting for it to be over. They made her drink water and eat a little. Penelope felt guilty, but when she got really tired a few hours in, Josie and Hope encouraged her to take a nap.“Hey Baby,” Hope whispered and Penelope opened her eyes to find baby blues staring back at her. “It’s time to go home.”Penelope opened her eyes and squinted under the bright hospital lights. She stretched and sat up, being careful when she noticed that the nurse was taking her IV out. “How long have I been out?”Josie rubbed her knee. “An hour and a half give or take.” Josie handed her a water bottle and Penelope took a drink.“Let’s get you home, cutie,” Hope said.Once they were in the car Penelope felt more awake, even though she was sure it wouldn’t last long at all. “Thank you guys for coming.” She mumbled from the back seat.“Of course, Pen.” There was a long pause. “Speaking of which, Josie and I were talking…” Hope trailed off as she looked at Penelope through the back mirror.Penelope took a deep breath. “Talking…?” Penelope said, encouraging her to keep going. Her stomach filled with nerves at the way Hope wasn’t forthcoming with the sentence. Hope was never one to bead around the bush.Hope bit her lip. “What if after this month you didn’t go back to Los Angeles? What if you stayed here in New Orleans so we can help you while you’re in treatment.”Penelope opened her mouth, but Josie cut her off. “It’s just… the studio can run with you working remotely. Hope and I are pretty settled in New Orleans….”“Dude.”“And Jade has her own job to handle in Los Angeles, Maya will be back to school soon.”“Dude.”“There’s no one else in LA.”“JoJo.” When Penelope said the nickname, Josie finally stopped talking. Josie looked at her from the front seat and Penelope looked between her and Hope in the mirror. “I’ll think about it, okay? I don’t know about all of that.” She took a breath. “The two of you are supposed to be celebrating getting married. Going on your honeymoon. And I don’t want to be your responsibility.”“Well, that’s its own… separate situation.” Hope looked at her apprehensively. Penelope turned to Josie and saw her biting her lip too. The blatant anxiety written across their faces told Penelope they weren’t just talking about the wedding, Hope was referring to their situation - all three of them.“I don’t understand.” It was all Penelope could say without jumping out of a moving vehicle.Josie turned and stared into her eyes. “Pen, we really care about you.” She said and Penelope could only think that those words did nothing to clear anything up. Penelope waited for her to say more, but she didn’t.“I’ll think about it,” Penelope said again and then after a long pause, she added. “I really care about the both of you too.”
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One year agoThey were four rounds of shots in by eight and all on the dance floor an hour later. Music blared from the DJ and the foreign music was easier for Penelope to ease her shoulders to. She didn’t subconsciously judge the DJ’s music choice or transitions. Or at least she didn’t judge it as harshly as she did in the states. The drinks helped that notion too. And Penelope was happy. Everything was coming together for her and the supers. She really felt free.In the haze of alcohol, Penelope told herself that they were in a group dancing and this was normal for the weirdness of their group. She told herself that Josie was a touchy-feely person. That Hope and Josie were her best friends. Which is why dancing between them felt right - felt good. Josie was in front of her, dancing to the bass of the song - grinding her hips in front of Penelope, hands firmly on Penelope’s hips. Behind her, Penelope could feel Hope’s breath on her neck. Her hands were on Penelope from behind, just above Josie’s . She was grinding against Penelope’s back. Penelope could feel her hips hitting her ass. Penelope had one hand on Josie’s hip and the other wrapped around Hope’s neck behind her. Hope verbalized the feeling for her.“You feel so good.” Her voice was husky and deep, groaning into the grinding.Penelope’s stomach filled with an intense lust and it was almost embarrassing how such a simple sentence could do that to her. “Fuck.” She whispered. The song changed without a break in between and Josie’s dance changed with it. Penelope couldn’t help the illicit moan that escaped her lips when Josie put her knee between Penelope’s thighs and met her grind. “Fuck.”Somewhere in the back of her mind, Penelope told herself she was too drunk. That they were all too drunk. The supers weren’t even on the dance floor with them anymore, not that Penelope was looking for them. She shouldn’t be letting this happen, shouldn’t be thinking about how badly she wants to pull Hope’s lips down against her neck. She shouldn’t have been between them at all. She didn’t even know when or how it happened. She didn’t have the ability to stop it now though.Josie’s thigh slid between hers and she pulled Penelope’s hips down. Penelope moaned, louder this time. “That feels good, baby girl?” Josie’s voice was sexy and controlling in the way she asked. Penelope could hardly manage a nod. Hope’s hands started to pull at the hem of her shirt and wander. Penelope couldn’t stop herself from pulling on Hope’s neck until the aubrunnette’s lips were against her bare skin. She tilted her neck to give Hope more access and Hope seemed too determined to leave a mark.Penelope didn’t remember the trip from the club back to the hotel. She didn’t remember walking up the stairs, didn’t remember opening the door to Josie and Hope’s room. All she remembered was the look in her best friend’s eyes when they each took her hand and asked. “Stay with us?” The sentence was somehow both sexual and inherently serious. It was a last chance to leave, to make the decision to go to her room and keep things the way they were, to pretend the night didn’t happen at all. It was an out.One Penelope wouldn’t take.The next morning, Josie woke up to a coldness over her bare skin that came from someone getting out of bed. She felt the bedside in front of her, flattening her hand against white silk sheets. She didn’t open her eyes until she realized there was no one there in front of her. Eyes open, she saw her beautiful girlfriend out like a light. The sight alone would’ve caused a flutter in her chest - normally. But the bed was still empty with both of them in it. They were missing someone.“Pen?” Josie’s voice echoed through the hotel room as she sat up with the blanket wrapped across her bare chest. A very naked Josie , with her legs entangled with Hope’s.“Maybe she went for breakfast?” Hope grumbled to Josie, voice filled with the hangover of the night before. after, Penelope knew it was the last night. She couldn’t ruin them.“I don’t think so, Hope.” Her voice ached at the thought, but they both knew Pen well. She wouldn’t have woken up and gone to breakfast without waking them up. The pit in Josie’s stomach quickly hardened into an awful stone. “Come on, get up. We need to find her.”Present Day:Penelope awoke in a layer of sweat. She was breathing like she’d just come up from being underwater. She didn’t know where she was or how she got there for a minute. Her mouth was dry and her mind was reeling in the darkroom. She could feel her heart rate skyrocketing in her chest. She could feel a wetness pooling between her thighs. “Fuck.” She whispered. Her eyes adjusted to the dark and she found that she’d been laying on Josie’s chest and had luckily not woken her. Straight across from her, also asleep, was Hope laying on Josie’s other shoulder. All three of them were crammed on the small couch of the lodge. She could hear Josie’s heart rate, a soft beat in her sleep. Josie’s arms were wrapped around each of them and somehow still comfortable.Penelope sat up, but as she did she felt the familiar warmth that came with a nosebleed. “Fuck.” She raised her voice a notch higher and Hope awoke, who consequently woke up Josie.“What, what?” Hope quickly went from sleepy to alert when she saw the look in Penelope’s eyes.Penelope tilted her head up slightly and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Nosebleed.” Was all she had to say before Hope was up and Josie was on her heels. Seconds later, they were back with tissues that they’d obviously scrounged to find in the dead of night. “Thanks,” Penelope mumbled as she took care of it. They nodded and Penelope could see the way sleep crept its way back into their eyes when they both relaxed again. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.Hope looked at the digital clock above the fireplace. It was six in the morning. “It’s okay. Have you been up long?”Penelope cleared her throat. “No, I, uh. Actually I just woke up.” She tried not to think about the dream that brought her back to reality. Or the ruined underwear beneath her sweatpants.Josie and Hope exchanged a look. “That’s good for your first day of treatment, baby girl.” Josie praised.Penelope nodded. She wouldn’t tell them about the fact that sleeping through the night like that - from nine at night to six in the morning - was better than she’d slept in over a year. She’d never slept. She never even got enough deep sleep to dream. “Come on.” Hope laid back down on the couch, this time in Josie’s previous position. She patted beside her.“You don’t want to go up to bed?” Penelope asked with a small chuckle.“Stairs are too much,” Josie said and laid down.Penelope didn’t need any more convincing than that.
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The week went by and it slowly turned into a routine for the supers. Most of them worked the week through with the anticipation of the engagement party at the end of the week. Josie and Hope went to Penelope’s treatments every day they could and if neither of them could go, Jade would instead. Throughout the week, the side effects of the chemotherapy became more apparent for Penelope and the supers were on high alert for any support she needed.Nausea came and went, which Penelope took with a grain of salt. Some days she’d stay in bed and rest, while others she’d spent in the living room, hanging out with anyone who came and went - Jade most of the time. Over the week, Josie and Hope brought more and more physical support to the table. They’d come home and snuggle with Penelope or one would while the other took care of dinner. It took a minute for Penelope to get used to being asked how she was feeling every hour or few hours - by text or in person. Penelope was as honest as she could be, though she tried her best to frame it in a positive light.The hardest day was the worst day it could’ve been.Josie and Hope’s engagement party was on Saturday and Penelope woke up to violent nausea that wouldn’t subside. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t keep water down. No medication helped it go away. She’d been forced awake by it at three in the morning and hadn’t been able to sleep. She spent most of the day laying on the floor of one of many bathrooms and only getting up to throw up. By the afternoon, it was just stomach acid left in the stomach.Josie, Hope, and the other Supers spent the day taking turns sitting with her. Around five, Penelope locked them out of the bathroom to make them get ready for the guests that would soon be arriving at the booked restaurant. She yelled for them to go, over and over. It took another twenty minutes of convincing from the supers that they had to go - that their engagement was ultimately an important event to celebrate.Penelope told them she’d be okay. She reminded them that chemotherapy side effects were a volatile way to know that they were there to do a job - to get rid of the cancer. She’d be there when they got back. She apologized repeatedly for not being able to go herself.Two hours after that, Hope and Josie were forcing themselves across the patio deck of a fancy restaurant to talk to one group of friends and another. Most of them were just friends from various life experiences in New York City. It would be another week before Josie or Hope’s families and friends from out of state would be able to take time to come, rightfully for the most important events of the wedding (the rehearsal dinner and the week after, the wedding itself).Hope had dressed in a suit blazer and only a suit blazer, revealing a deep neckline and cleavage. Josie wore a simpler white sundress that fit the temperature of sunset in august, which set over the golf course that the patio looked over. For Josie and Hope though, the night seemed to wear on and on. Minutes took hours to go by. Their minds were elsewhere as they carried on prolonged chit-chat with friends and coworkers. They both wished they could enjoy it. There was just no chance knowing Penelope was back at the lodge, sick as anything.They played housewives though, weaving between conversations and thanking guests for coming. Josie took a step away in the midst of dinner though when tears started springing at her eyes. Hope came to her almost immediately and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. They’d stepped just inside of the building and out of sight of the crowd. They’d already given a thank you speech and everyone had moved on to talk amongst themselves while they ate. Josie only cried more when Hope hugged her. “This just doesn’t feel right. I’m so sorry, Hope. I want to…” she choked on a sob.“It’s okay, hey, hey. It’s alright.” Hope didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve the way Josie did, but she was most obviously upset too. “I know this has nothing to do with us, babe. I wish we were home with her too.”“I love you and her both so much,” Josie whispered. She’d hardly kept from crying throughout the week. Some nights Hope had just held her while she cried. Neither girl wanted Penelope to know how hard it was to see her so sick. That’s what she’d be afraid of and why she hadn’t told them in the first place.“I know, baby. I love you and her too.” She whispered back in Josie’s ear. She rubbed her girlfriend's back. Then, Jade slipped into the building and locked the door behind her. Hope and Josie turned to her, surprised to see her. “We were just coming back out…”“The two of you should go back,” Jade said, abruptly cutting Hope off. Hope and Josie looked at her, confused. “And before you say anything, you’ve been here long enough. You played the part, did what you needed to. We all know you don’t want to be here. The supers can keep everyone preoccupied. I’ll announce that you had an emergency. We’ll thank everyone for coming.” Jade paused for a second and Hope opened her mouth to say something. “And don’t say no. It’s not really a question.” Jade quipped.Hope looked at Josie and closed her mouth. Josie nodded. “Thank you, Jade.”“Don’t thank me. Go take care of your girl.” Then Jade was gone, back out to the engagement party.Hope and Josie didn’t waste any time going home. Josie had to remind Hope time and time again to slow down. When they finally got back their shoes were loud and echoed against the hardwood as they ran up the stairs. They went straight to Jade and Penelope’s room but didn’t find a trace of Pen.Then they ran to the bathroom close to the room and another bathroom after that. Nothing. They didn’t find her until they eventually went into the master bedroom. Penelope was leaning against the wall next to the toilet in the master bathroom. She was pale and the ghost-white skin made the bruises under her eyes stand out. She was holding her stomach with her hands. She was curled into herself, in a fetal position. She hadn’t even heard them come in.“Hey Baby Girl,” Hope whispered in a gentle tone as she and Josie walked in.Penelope looked up at them and both girls could see the exasperation mixed with exhaustion in her eyes. “The two of you are supposed to be at your engagement party.” Her voice was hardly above a whisper. She sounded like she’d lost all of the fight in her. “You should be there.” Her words were a little slurred.“It’s okay, babygirl, everything is taken care of,” Hope told her. “We did go and we had fun, but we were worried about you.”Penelope closed her eyes and laid her head against the wall. She sighed. Josie sat down on one side of her and Hope sat on the other, on the side of the bathtub. Josie put a hand on Penelope’s knee and rubbed her knee over her leg. She leaned her head on Penelope’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t be here. This is exactly what I didn’t want.” Penelope was forcing her voice to be more firm than she wanted to. She forced herself to her feet, not letting Josie or Hope help her along the way. Josie almost had to catch her when the motion caught up with her and dizziness took her over. But Penelope pushed her away and walked to the counter. “The two of you should be at your engagement party. Celebrating your engagement. ” She emphasized each word.“Pen-”Penelope ripped her hand away from Josie when Josie attempted to grab for her. She twirled and backed away, swaying all the way from the lack of food in her stomach. “No. I’m serious.” Penelope raised her voice. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you. I don’t want you to be here, taking care of me while your lives are literally happening without you. You’ve been gone for two hours. I can take care of myself for two hours.” She was yelling, but there was this awful sense of desperation and guilt dripping off her voice.Josie folded her arms, watching the way Penelope held onto the doorway to keep herself upright. “You are not going to sit here and get mad at us for caring about you, Pen. We’re the ones here for you.”“I didn’t ask you to be!” She shook her head, on the verge of tears.Hope answered before Josie could. “You didn’t have to, Penelope. We are here because we care about you.”“What is that even supposed to mean?” Penelope asked, frustrated. “You’ve been saying that all week, ‘we care about you’ as if that explains everything. You’re my best friends, that’s great. But you’re acting like- like-” She breathed like she’d just run a mile walking two feet to the doorway.There was a long silence.“We love you.” Penelope looked between them, eyebrows furrowed. Josie and Hope looked at each other and then back at Penelope. “We love you, Pen. We have for years.”Penelope’s posture went into a defense mode. “No.” She said firmly. “No.” She shook her head. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say you love me. You’re getting fucking married in two weeks.” Her eyes were mixed with all of the emotions from before and a new addition of disbelief.“Do you even know what that means? You’re in a monogamous relationship and you’re getting married. Traditionally, it means you want to date each other for the rest of your lives. Just. Each. Other. And then you do something stupid like kiss me and then you kiss me and tell me you love me and-” She huffed, tears dripped down her face. She closed her eyes and each of the other girls could see her balance wavering. Josie reached her first and caught her as she fell. “Fuck.”Josie held her tight. “It’s alright, it’s okay.” She mumbled as Penelope tears up in her arms. “We’ll talk about it later baby girl. Let’s see if we can get some food in you first.”“I don’t… want…” She was breathing heavily in between the words. She clenched her eyes shut. “Fine.”
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The next few hours were filled with a tense silence. While Josie and Hope cooked Penelope dinner and got her clothes to change into after a shower, Penelope didn’t say anything. She let them help, but neither Josie nor Hope knew what to say after Penelope’s outburst. It was hard to say, hard to handle. They needed their own time to think and talk about it. They almost brought it up when Penelope got out of the shower, but as soon as Penelope’s head hit the pillow of the master bed, she was asleep. Josie and Hope snuck out of the room to let her get the rest they both knew she desperately needed.Josie and Hope came downstairs to find the Supers were waiting up for them in the living room. They’d all come home and changed into their pajamas in the time it took for Josie and Hope to come down. They all seemed to be at attention when they walked into the living room. The group of them were completely silent once Josie and Hope walked through the threshold of the sitting room. All eyes were on them and Hope could see the worry lingering on their faces for their petite brunette upstairs. Every single super seemed to share the same type of pain that came with Penelope’s diagnosis. They’d all seen how she looked before they left. Everyone was worried.“Hey, thank you all so much for covering for us. I know you all hardly knew everyone else. We appreciate it so much.” Hope said and her voice was just above a whisper, raspy even. She wasn’t going to take any risk of waking Penelope up, no matter how big the house seemed to be. She knew Penelope was an insomniac before she got diagnosed, she couldn’t imagine how bad it’d become since the diagnosis.“How’s she doing?” Maya asked first, though it was the question on everyone’s mind. The youngest Super and upcoming senior had big brown eyes that could break Hope’s heart with the amount of concern filling them. Maya scooted to the edge of the seat on the couch and she leaned forward Ethan wrapped his arm around his twin sister in a show of support.Hope watched Josie take a deep breath into her lungs before she spoke. Josie had a hard time hiding how she was feeling and her complicated emotions were plastered across her face. “She’s feeling better. She ate and kept it down. We got her to take a shower and then she fell asleep.” To her words, there were a few mumbled positives for the news. Some of the girls visibly relaxed to hear that Pen was doing better. No one spoke after and the room fell back into an uncomfortable silence. Some of the group still had an obvious tension lingering between their shoulder blades.“Then why do the two of you look like you got hit by a bus?” Jade asked. Hope looked at Jade, who was sitting on the arm of the couch for no better reason than because she wanted to. Her feet were propped up on the couch itself and she had her elbows on her knees. She was staring directly at Hope.Josie looked at Hope and shrugged as if it didn’t need to be any kind of secret. “She just got mad at us when we got here. Like really, really mad.” Hope told Jade.Another moment of silence went through the group. “She’s just frustrated with..”Jade started, but Maya cut her off.“Can you blame her?” All eyes went to Maya, who seemed just as surprised as the rest of the supers over her outburst. The brunette seemingly hadn’t meant to speak at all. When no one spoke and they waited for her to continue, she gulped. No one shifted their gaze away from her. She went on. “I just mean she has every right to be mad at both of you... if you ask me... which I’m sure you didn’t.” She started to ramble. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but have you thought about it from her perspective?”Josie’s eyes looked like she could pierce through Maya’s whole body with just a look - she gave Maya rapt attention. Hope did too. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what Maya was getting at. She desperately wanted to know. “That’s all we’ve been trying to do,” Josie said, so much softer than her look was. It sounded like she was going to break in half. It hurt to hear Josie’s voice so broken.“What do you mean exactly, Maya?” Hope asked with a tone that told Maya she was genuinely curious. She didn’t want to put pressure on the younger girl, but she also felt the need to know what Maya thought. She wondered how Maya might bring a fresh understanding to their dilemma with their best friend.Maya’s shoulders tensed under the eyes of the older supers. “Well... I just mean.. pen’s never been the feelings type kind of person and you all said yourselves it took her a whole year just to get into a relationship with Cora .” The supers, who’d all expected Maya to say something about cancer, all became more interested in what Maya had to say. “Imagine being her and being apart of the supers and finally opening up and then realizing that you’re in love with your two best friends who have been dating each other for as long as you can remember and aren’t even poly..” Maya’s rant was going off and she hadn’t even realized the shocked glances she was getting from everyone in the room. “Or at least you don’t think they’re poly until you get drunk and sleep with them both but by that point you’re probably wondering if they’re poly or if they were just drunk too and you probably feel like you got in the middle of your two best friends-“ Maya stopped talking abruptly when she noticed the looks she was getting. “I’m sorry, why are you all looking at me like that? This is all common knowledge, isn’t it? I mean I thought them sleeping together at a senior party was just like something we all knew but didn’t talk about. Like how we all knew about Kaleb and Cleo long before she ever said anything.”“Well, it’s not common knowledge we don’t talk about anymore,” Jade said, getting even more surprised looks from Josie and Hope. Had all of the supers known about the three of them?MG spoke up to add to it. “Come on, the three of you weren’t so under the wire the night you slept together. The two of you were all over her like two dingos in a prairie. We were drunk, not oblivious.”Josie and Hope looked at each other - both completely shocked and more or less in disbelief that they’d never thought about it before. Hope turned her attention back to Maya. “Go on.” She rose her eyebrows.Maya looked at each of them. “I don’t know for sure how she feels and knowing pen, she probably won’t tell you. I just imagine that she feels pretty left out now that you’re getting married and she’s torn about whether or not she wants you to get married because of course she wants you to get married as your friend and be happy for you but you’re taking this major relationship step without her and I don’t know how I’d feel because I don’t think I’m poly but...” Maya was fumbling with her blanket. “I couldn’t imagine being I was poly and my girlfriends - well best friends - getting married without me, but she also probably feels really insecure about it and having all those feelings because she probably doesn’t feel like she has the right to love you two. I mean, getting married is very much traditional in the sense that it means you never want to date anyone else and that’s not even mentioning the fact that she was diagnosed before you even slept together and she’s probably ultra upset about that” Maya trailed off and looked between Hope and Josie. “I’m so sorry.”Hope turned to Josie and found that both of them had tears in their eyes and streaming down their faces. Neither of them had thought about putting all of that together. They’d tried for years not to put pressure on Penelope, but now it was like all at once their attempts at keeping the pressure off had probably made Penelope feel unwanted. It was so much. Hope could imagine having all of those feelings bottled up inside her and knowing the only two people in the world she wanted to talk to felt like a world away. “We’re... not getting married because we’re monogamous.” She said slowly. We were going to get married because we love each other... I never thought...” She gulped.Josie put her hand on her fiancee's thigh. “I guess we just never thought about it like that.” When Josie and Hope’s eyes met, there was one thing clear between them. They had a lot to talk to Pen about and it couldn’t wait any longer.
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Josie woke up to Hope and a warm nest of blankets in the master bed. Hope’s arm had laced itself around her waist and Josie’s head was nuzzled into the crook of Hope’s neck. Waking up, Josie took in a breath. Hope always had a distinct smell of wet leaves in the midst of a rainy autumn day and to Josie, the smell was home. Taking it in though, Josie found the scent of someone else in their bed - a scent that made her heartbreak ever so slightly. It was the vanilla coconut scent that Penelope loved immensely and used as a body wash, lotion, and spray. She was always lathered in it and Penelope had left the smell imprinted on their bedsheets. Josie swallowed the lump in her throat remembering that she and Hope had fallen asleep snuggling with Penelope as she slept. The brunette must’ve snuck out before either of them could wake - effectively running away, again. Josie sighed and stretched, gently waking the sleeping beauty next to her. As Hope blinked and noticed Penelope missing, Josie opened her mouth to tell her, but then their door opened. Penelope had pushed it open with her back and walked in carrying a tray of three coffees into the bedroom. The look on her face was one of intense concentration as she tried to keep the overly filled cups from spilling over. Josie almost instinctively got up to help her.“No, don’t.” Penelope put out a hand to stop her. “I got it, I got it. Sit down. Relax, dude.” Penelope finished crossing the room and set the cups on the bedside table. “Okay, for jojo, an oat milk latte with Splenda,” She held out a mug and Chloe took it straight to her mouth to lessen the overflow chance of spillage. “And Hope, an americano with two shots of espresso.” She handed the other to Hope.“Thanks, pen.” Josie beamed.Penelope shrugged and sat toward the end of the bed, while the other two leaned against the headboard. “I think I owe you both an apology.” She said as they sipped. Hope cocked a suspicious eyebrow at her. “I’m sorry for last night. Neither of you deserved me freaking out on you like that. You both have done everything you possibly could to take care of me and I’m not used to.. that anymore. I think I just got upset because I’m supposed to be here for the two of you and for your wedding. I…” Penelope curled her legs up to her chest. “I just didn’t want to ruin this for you.” Her voice was quieter.Josie set her coffee down and immediately scooted closer to Penelope . “Pen, please believe me when I say that you could never ruin anything.” She rubbed her hand on Penelope’s knee.Penelope took a breath. “That’s the problem, Jos. The two of you always act like nothing I do is ever wrong or like you’ll put up with anything, but no one can put up with that much.” Penelope explained. “I don’t want you to sacrifice your feelings for me, dude. I’d rather you just be honest.”Hope cleared her throat, but Josie could still hear the grogginess from the early morning wake-up. “I think all three of us have a bit of an issue being upfront about how we’re really feeling.”Penelope’s knees went from guarding her chest to a cross-legged sit. “I know I’m really shitty at that.”Hope nodded. “We need you to know that we’re not getting married to be traditional or monogamous. It’s not like that.”Penelope only nodded, but Josie could see the disbelief clouding in her eyes. Josie rubbed her thumb over Penelope’s calf. “We meant what we said last night,” Josie said, gently. “We love you. We’re in love with you.”Penelope swallowed hard enough that Josie could see it. She clenched her eyes shut, like she was afraid to speak and could will them away with her mind. “I’m afraid of doing this with you. You’re my best friends and you’re getting married and I have Stage three Leukemia and the survival rate is not,” she opened her eyes and the tension in her shoulders fell to an intense sorrow. “It’s not one hundred percent.”“Hey, hey,” Hope scooted closer and took Penelope’s hand in her own. “You can’t do that. You can’t stop living your life because you’re scared you won’t have the time.”“You also can’t think like you won’t have time,” Josie stated, trying to stay confident and positive. “In your age group, Chronic Leukemia is entirely treatable with a higher survival rate. You have to stay positive.”“Also not one of my strong suits.” Penelope slouched and took another sip of coffee. She was silent for a long time. Then in the smallest voice, but one Josie would’ve heard from miles away, she whispered. “I’m in love with both of you too.” She looked up to find Josie and Hope with the brightest smiles on their faces. “But I don’t even know what to do about any of this.”Josie shrugged. “We can just.. take it slow.”Penelope laughed, almost unintentionally. “I’m sorry, it’s just. You guys asked me to move in with you in like two weeks from now.”Hope mumbled her own little laugh. “Well, I think over six years of friendship is taking it pretty slow.” Hope, Josie, and Penelope all laughed then.“Maybe Just.. a date?” Josie asked and she felt her cheeks burn red.Penelope cocked an eyebrow at her. “Josie Saltzman, are you trying to ask me out?” She smiled, playfully.Hope answered before Josie could. “Would you say yes if she was?” Hope asked.“I don’t know, is she asking?” Penelope asked slyly.Josie bit her lip. “Penelope Park, will you go on a date with us?”Penelope nodded, slowly. “I would love to.”
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Ms. Magazine presents: The Women Artist News Column.An exclusive with Penelope Park AKA DJ Incindio.By Gail Abernathy-McKadden-FeinbergWalking into the cafe down the street feels like stepping back to a year ago when the world first heard the name DJ Incindio. It’s Penelope Park’s favorite local place where they set up a back room for her. It’s almost like taking a step back in time to the days when she was in college. Of course, some things have changed. When I walked in, Park hadn’t managed to get to the back room without being stopped by fans asking for an autograph. She waves and I notice that her outfit doesn’t say DJ Incindio . It’s a stripped fall-colored t-shirt and jeans. Simple and fits her bite-size. When she manages to get away, we adjourn to the back room and I’m surprised she remembers my coffee order. Sure, we’ve been on this Mary-go-round before, but I’m always impressed by Park’s attention to the smallest details.Park sips her latte as we catch up on details she specifies are off the record. The first question once the recorder starts is the question that the tabloids have been circling for over a week. “It’s so good to get to talk to you again, Penelope, but you know I have to ask. Are the rumors true? Why have you been going to a cancer center?”The award-winning artist takes a breath I don’t expect before answering the question. It’s like she’s working up the strength. “The rumors are true. I have stage three Chronic Leukemia. I am being treated at that Cancer Center.” She fiddles with the straw wrapper for her latte. “I wanted to talk to you about it and get in front of it. Looking at it now, I’m kind of glad that it came out in the tabloids. I Uh,” she paused and looked down into her latte. “I think your readers and my fan will be surprised to know I’ve been battling leukemia for about a year and a half now.”“Really? A year and a half? That’s impressive for the media coverage all over you.” I tell her.The artist nods. “I think it took me a long time to come to terms with the diagnosis myself, even though I was going through treatment.”She readjusts and straightens up. “Is that why you’re back in New Orleans?” I ask her.She scratches her neck. “Visiting college friends, actually.” She smiles and even though she’s been smiling the entire time, this one is most obviously genuine.“Any who are more than just friends?” I ask. We both knew it was coming. Everyone asks her every interview. Everyone wants to know about her relationships or the fact that she sings about love without ever being seen with anyone in public. That won her the number two spot on the list of most promiscuous artists.She smiles, coyly. “I have a support system.” She says.The petite musician and Park Studio owner and producer has been seen a few times with two college friends in particular. The first is Hope Mikaelson, a auburnette beauty who graduated after Penelope’s junior year. Hope Mikaelson was a former leader of the famous super squad. The other was Josie Saltzman, another older student and brunette beauty in her own right. The girl hasn’t been seen by the media with anyone else, which only furthers the rumors that she is in fact pansexual. Speculations about her sexuality date back to her years in College when she dated now-infamous film soundtrack artist Jesse Swanson. She has since written songs on her college days album about women, using she/her pronouns. She has yet to verify any rumors about her sexuality and often evades the question if asked. She seems to enjoy the ambiguity surrounding her relationships. Though, she had made it abundantly clear that she supports and regularly donates to Black Lives Matter and Love is Love organizations.“The Supers?” I ask her so we can change the subject. I know I won’t get anywhere with her, but I’ll circle back later.Penelope nods. “It’s been really good to have them all back in my life, especially going through a more rigorous treatment program.”“How is treatment going? If you don’t mind me asking.” I put my hand over the recorder to turn it off, but she pushes my hand away.“No, I want to. I’m on a really strict, really hard treatment. It takes a real toll out of me and I don’t know how anyone in the world can go through it without my supers.” She tells me. “I couldn’t get through this without them. And I didn’t mean to keep this from my fans or the media. Which is why I wanted to talk to you. I don’t want to disappear without doing this.”“Does that mean you plan on disappearing?” I ask her immediately.“Just a pause, really.” She clarifies. “I need to focus on my health, mentally and physically. Not to mention some personal... things.”“Personal things?” I ask.The award-winning artist gives me that same coy smile. “When I’m ready to say it, you’ll be the first to know.”“Is that a promise?” I ask her.“It’s as close as I can give you.” She finished her latte and got up from her chair, keeping that genuinely real smile, and tells me she has to go.Stay tuned in for more because as DJ Incindio told me, when she’s ready to talk about that personal stuff, I’ll be the first to know.-Gail
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Penelope is resting in Hope and Josie bed after another round of chemo treatment she was wiped out“She is too exhausted for an actual date jo so how about we do something small here” Hope suggested while watching Josie brush the hair out of Penelope’s sleeping face. Hope could get used to this having the two women she loves living a calm life together. “I’m just excited for our first official date i don't care where it is as long as it with both of you” Josie says while tucking Penelope in more blankets as she’s shakingPenelope’s been doing better and getting sleep for once but only because she’s been sleeping with Hope and Josie. If she woke up or had a nose bleed one of them would wake up with Penelope and be at her side. Penelope wasn’t used to this support someone always there for her.After a little while Penelope woke up and she was alone in the master bedroom she rubbed her eyes sleepily and wandered out into the main of the housePenelope spotted Hope on the couch in the living room and went and joined her“Hi baby how are you feeling” Hope asksPenelope yawns which causes Hope to chuckleHope pulled Penelope into her lappenelope laid her head on Hope's chest“You’re so pretty” Penelope says sleepily“That’s very sweet of you to say penny” Hope says combing your hair with her fingers“I’m being honest hopey i could just stare at you forever”Penelope whispersHope presses a kiss to Penelope’s forehead“you are one of my gorgeous gorgeous girls”Hope says holding Penelope closer“I missed you and Josie so much it hurt”Penelope says starting to cry“hey hey pretty girl look at me” hope coees but Penelope can’t look upHope gently grabs Penelope’s chin and turns her to face Hope“We’re here now baby and we aren’t going anywhere Josie and I love you” hope says slowly leaning in and capturing Penelope’s lips in hers”she’s right pen we love you and we aren’t letting you go this time your our girl”Josie says walking over sandwiching Penelope between them“Go get dressed we laid out an outfit for you on your bed pen” Josie says winkingPenelope jumps up and runs to her and jade's roomThere is a beautiful black jumpsuitPenelope pops it on but can’t get the zipper so she walks into Josie and Hopes master bed room“A little help please”you say nervouslyJosie walks over and gently pulling up the zipper once she finishes she lays kisses to Penelope’s collar“You’re so sexy Penelope I can barely control myself” Josie whispers in Penelope’s ear and then bites her earlobe Penelope lets shocked moan out“Josie behave” Hope says from the bathroomJosie backs away from Penelope“Sorry about her penny I’ll deal with her later” Hope says kissing Penelope cheek“Let’s go enjoy our date” Josie says grabbing Penelope’s hand and dragging her through the houseA beautiful candle lit table set with fresh wine and steaks laid out“This is perfect” Penelope says in aweThey sit down and get into casual banterWhen the night was overPenelope was once again sandwiched between them on the couchHope and penelope were making out while Josie was attacking Penelope’s neck she couldn’t help but moan in pleasure“Ohhh Josie” penelope moansHopes hand was inching higher and higher up Penelope’s thigh
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The flickering candlelight danced softly across the room, casting gentle shadows on the walls. The air was thick with the scent of fresh rosemary and thyme from the dinner they’d shared just moments before. The quiet hum of the evening wrapped around them like a warm embrace, and Penelope could feel herself melting into the cozy cocoon they’d created.The three of them were settled on the couch, the soft velvet cushions cradling them in their little corner of the world. Penelope was nestled between Hope and Josie, her head comfortably resting on Hope’s shoulder, her body still tired but finally able to relax after the long day. Her eyes drifted lazily toward the fire crackling in the fireplace, the orange glow making the whole room feel even more intimate. She felt the soft pressure of Hope’s fingers brushing through her hair, the rhythmic motion soothing her restless mind.“I think this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time,” Penelope murmured, her voice quiet and dreamy. She was so relaxed, it almost felt like she was floating.Hope smiled down at her, her eyes soft with affection. “We’re so glad you’re here, Penny. It’s been a long road, but we’re with you now. You don’t have to go through this alone anymore.” She leaned down and kissed Penelope’s forehead, her lips lingering there for just a moment.Penelope closed her eyes at the kiss, feeling the warmth of Hope’s love sink into her skin. She hadn’t realized how much she needed it—how much she needed them—until now. This was more than she’d ever dared hope for. She’d spent so many nights alone, battling her illness in silence, too proud to let anyone close. But now, here she was, in the arms of the two women who loved her, both of them always by her side, ready to face whatever came next.Josie, who had been quiet for a moment, leaned in and kissed the top of Penelope’s head, her lips brushing against her soft hair. Her voice was low, playful, but warm. “And we never will, babe. You and us? We’re a team. Nothing’s gonna tear us apart.” She reached over and gave Penelope’s hand a gentle squeeze.Penelope smiled, feeling the truth of Josie’s words deep in her chest. “I don’t know what I’d do without you two,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “I’ve spent so much of my life thinking I had to do everything on my own, and now… I don’t even know how to express how much this means to me.”Hope and Josie exchanged a glance, a quiet understanding passing between them. Hope’s fingers continued to stroke through Penelope’s hair, but this time with a little more tenderness, almost as if she were trying to imprint the moment into her memory. “You don’t have to say anything, Penny,” Hope said softly. “We know. We’re here. We’re not going anywhere.”Penelope felt a lump form in her throat. She could feel the weight of their love, but it was a beautiful weight, a comforting one. She had been so scared for so long—scared of the future, scared of being alone, scared of not being strong enough to fight. But now, with Hope and Josie beside her, that fear seemed to fade into the background. There was something about the way they were with her—so patient, so steady—that made her believe, just for tonight, that everything would be okay.“I feel like I could stay like this forever,” Penelope murmured, her voice barely audible.“We could do that, you know,” Josie replied, a mischievous glint in her eye. She shifted slightly, propping herself up with one arm so she could look at both Penelope and Hope. “I mean, why not? Who needs to leave the couch when you’ve got everything you need right here?”Hope chuckled, brushing a stray strand of hair from Penelope’s face. “She’s got a point,” she said with a smile, her gaze soft. “We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to, Penny. We can stay right here, wrapped up in each other, for as long as you need.”Penelope’s heart swelled at the thought. For so long, she’d felt like an outsider in her own life—always keeping people at arm’s length, afraid to let anyone get too close. But with Hope and Josie, she felt safe in a way she hadn’t known was possible. And for once, she didn’t feel like a burden. They wanted to be here, with her, in this quiet, peaceful space.Penelope let out a sigh, her eyelids growing heavy as exhaustion from the day started to catch up with her. “I think I’m going to fall asleep soon,” she murmured, her voice slow and drowsy. “It’s been a long day.”Hope kissed the top of Penelope’s head again, her lips lingering for a moment before she whispered, “Go ahead, baby. We’ve got you. You can sleep whenever you want.”Josie chuckled softly, reaching over to adjust the blanket around them. “Yeah, don’t worry about us, Penny. You get all the rest you need. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”Penelope felt a small smile tug at her lips as she curled into Hope’s side, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders. She could feel Josie’s warmth on the other side, both women forming a protective barrier around her, and for the first time in a long time, Penelope felt a profound sense of peace.“I love you both,” she whispered, her words barely audible as her breath began to slow.“We love you, too, Penny,” Hope said, her voice soft and reassuring. “We always will.”Josie leaned down to press a kiss to Penelope’s cheek, her voice teasing but filled with affection. “You’re stuck with us now, babe.”Penelope smiled, her eyes fluttering closed. The weight of the day, the exhaustion, and the comfort of being surrounded by love all combined in a way that allowed her to finally relax. As she drifted off to sleep, her body sinking into the warmth of the couch and the arms of the women she loved, she knew one thing for certain: no matter what the future held, she wasn’t alone anymore.The sound of the fire crackling and the soft rhythm of Hope and Josie’s breathing filled the room, creating a lullaby of sorts, and the night stretched on in peaceful silence. Time didn’t seem to matter here. All that mattered was the love they shared, the bond that had grown between them, and the quiet promise of tomorrow.
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Chapter: Strength in the SilenceThe early morning light filtered through the bedroom window, casting soft shadows on the walls. Penelope lay still, her eyes closed but her mind already awake, as the familiar anxiety of the day ahead crept in. It was another round of chemotherapy—a part of her life now, something she couldn’t escape. Every time, the dread was the same: the unknowns of how her body would react, the side effects that could drag her down, and the loneliness of being in a hospital room surrounded by strangers.But today felt different. Today, there was no coldness in her chest, no overwhelming sense of dread. Today, she had Hope and Josie. And that made all the difference.She sat up slowly, feeling the familiar weight of exhaustion settle into her bones even before she moved. As she swung her legs over the side of the bed, she glanced at Hope and Josie, both still sleeping soundly beside her. She knew the night had been hard on them, too. They always stayed up late, talking in hushed voices or simply holding each other close, worrying about what the day would bring. But this time, it wasn’t just her fight anymore. It was theirs, too.Penelope stood carefully, making her way to the bathroom to get ready. The soft click of the door made Hope stir, and before long, Penelope heard the rustle of sheets as Hope sat up, her sleepy voice cutting through the quiet.“Penny?” Hope’s voice was warm, still thick with sleep, but filled with concern. “You okay, babe?”Penelope paused for a moment, steadying herself against the bathroom counter. She took a deep breath, then forced a small smile as she turned to face Hope. “I’m okay. Just getting ready.”Hope’s eyes softened as she saw the subtle tremor in Penelope’s hands, the weariness in her face. It was a quiet reminder of how much this took out of her—of how much it took out of all of them. Hope slid out of bed and walked over, her bare feet making no sound against the floor. She gently cupped Penelope’s face in her hands, her thumbs brushing against her cheeks as if to anchor her in the moment.“You don’t have to pretend, Penny. You don’t have to be strong for us,” Hope whispered, her voice so gentle, so full of care.Penelope met her gaze, feeling the weight of those words settle in her chest. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been trying to carry on her own until now. “I know,” she murmured. “I’m just… tired.”Hope pressed a soft kiss to Penelope’s forehead. “I know, baby. We’re going with you today. You don’t have to do this alone.”The reassurance in Hope’s words wrapped around Penelope like a safety net. As much as she hated the feeling of vulnerability, knowing Hope and Josie would be by her side gave her strength she didn’t even know she had.Across the room, Josie had also stirred, her movements slower, but no less attentive. She was already pulling on her jeans, her eyes tracking Penelope’s every move, and when she saw that Penelope was ready, she crossed the room with her usual unrestrained energy.“You ready, babe?” Josie asked, her voice warm but with that sharp edge of concern she couldn’t quite mask. She took Penelope’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll make it through this round just like all the others. Just remember—you’re not alone.”Penelope let out a soft breath and gave a small nod. “I know. Thank you.”Hope wrapped a light sweater around Penelope’s shoulders, holding her gently as they made their way downstairs. The drive to the hospital was quiet, a comfortable silence that hung between the three of them. The soft hum of the engine and the rhythmic tapping of the rain against the windows seemed to sync with Penelope’s thoughts as she stared out at the blurred world beyond the glass.Josie’s hand never left hers. Every now and then, she’d give Penelope a reassuring squeeze, silently reminding her that she wasn’t alone in this.When they arrived at the hospital, Penelope felt the familiar tightness in her chest. The sterile smell of antiseptic and the cold, white walls loomed ahead, the waiting room full of people whose eyes glanced over but never truly saw her. They were all in their own worlds, each battling something, just as she was.Hope and Josie could sense Penelope’s unease the moment they stepped into the sterile waiting area. Without a word, Hope wrapped her arm around Penelope’s shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace. “We’re with you,” she whispered. “It’s just another step, baby. Just another step.”Penelope nodded against Hope’s chest, feeling the weight of her words. Another step. That’s what it had been. A long series of steps, each one bringing her closer to something she couldn’t quite see yet—something better. She held onto that thought, letting it guide her through the tension in the air.The nurse called her name, and without hesitation, Hope and Josie both stood by her side. They helped her walk down the sterile hallways to the treatment room, where a soft blue chair sat waiting for her. The infusion room was bustling with people, each of them hooked up to their own IVs, their faces tired but resolute. Penelope took a seat in the chair, the same chair she had sat in countless times before, and glanced up at Hope and Josie, both standing close, their hands never far from her own.Josie’s hand squeezed hers one more time before she turned to the nurse. “We’re staying with her,” she said, her voice firm and protective.The nurse, an older woman with warm eyes, smiled. “Of course. You can stay as long as you need. We’ll start her IV, and she can relax as much as she wants.”Hope sat beside Penelope, brushing her hair back from her face, the tender motion making Penelope’s heart flutter with appreciation. “We’ll be right here, baby,” Hope said quietly, her voice steady. “We’re not going anywhere.”Penelope tried to smile, but it faltered as the nurse prepared the IV. She hated the needles. Hated the invasive, cold feeling of the medicine seeping into her veins. The first prick made her flinch, and the second one brought a deep breath from her chest.“You’re doing great,” Josie said, her voice soothing but firm, a gentle anchor. She reached over and squeezed Penelope’s hand, her thumb tracing soft circles over her skin. “We’re right here. You’re not alone.”Penelope closed her eyes, letting the weight of their presence settle over her like a comforting blanket. She could feel the tension in her body start to dissipate, but it wasn’t just the treatment or the comfort of the chair. It was the quiet, unspoken bond between the three of them—the way Hope and Josie’s love for her wrapped around her like a cocoon.For the next several hours, Hope and Josie took turns sitting beside her, never leaving her side. They kept the conversation light, telling stories, reminiscing about old memories, and even sharing silly jokes to make her laugh. Each time the chemotherapy drugs sent a wave of nausea or discomfort over Penelope, she would reach for their hands, and they would squeeze back, their touch like a lifeline.As the infusion finally slowed to an end, Penelope felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over her. It wasn’t just the chemo—it was everything. The physical toll, the emotional strain, the exhaustion of being so vulnerable.“We’re almost done, Penny,” Hope said softly, brushing a lock of hair out of Penelope’s face. “You did so well. You’re so strong.”Penelope opened her eyes, meeting Hope’s gaze, then Josie’s. Both of them looked at her with such quiet pride, their eyes full of love, that for a moment, she didn’t feel so tired. She didn’t feel so alone.“I’m so lucky to have you both,” Penelope whispered, her voice rough but sincere.Josie leaned down and kissed her cheek, her lips warm against her skin. “We’re the lucky ones,” she said softly. “We’re here for you, always.”Penelope closed her eyes again, letting the sound of their voices wash over her. For the first time in a long time, she felt at peace. Even in the sterile, cold hospital room, surrounded by the beeping of machines and the hum of fluorescent lights, she was exactly where she needed to be. With Hope. With Josie. Not just getting through the day, but surviving it, together.
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Chapter: The Weight of Quiet MomentsThe hospital room felt colder than usual. Penelope had always found the sterile environment a bit unsettling—white walls, the constant hum of machines, the feeling of being trapped in a place where time seemed to slow. After chemo, her body always felt drained, her energy slipping away in waves. But today was different. Today, there was something else in the air—something heavier. It wasn’t just the usual fatigue or nausea that clung to her. It was a deeper weariness, a quiet exhaustion from the mental toll the treatment had taken.Hope and Josie hadn’t left her side all day, and now, as the sun began to set outside the window, they still sat beside her, trying to make the hospital room feel as much like home as possible. The world beyond the walls of the hospital seemed to be a distant place—unreachable and irrelevant in the moment. All that mattered was this small, intimate space: the three of them, weathering this together.Penelope stared at the ceiling, the light from the overhead lamp reflecting off the white tiles. Her body was heavy with the aftereffects of the chemo—the nausea was subsiding, but it left behind a feeling of emptiness, a hollow ache in her stomach. It was a familiar sensation by now, one she had learned to live with, but it didn’t make it any easier to endure.Hope noticed Penelope’s distant gaze and gently rubbed her arm. “How are you feeling, Penny?” Her voice was soft, careful, as if afraid to disturb the fragile peace they had built in the room.Penelope turned her head slowly, meeting Hope’s eyes. The concern in them was palpable, but so was the love. It had been there since the first day she met Hope—the quiet strength that radiated from her, the way she held Penelope’s heart with such tenderness.“I’m tired,” Penelope murmured, her voice hoarse. She hadn’t realized how much she was holding back until now. “Physically… emotionally… it’s just a lot, you know?”Hope leaned in closer, her hand brushing Penelope’s cheek, her touch light but grounding. “I know, baby,” she whispered. “It’s okay to be tired. You don’t have to do this alone. Josie and I, we’re right here. You can lean on us.”Josie, who had been sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, watching them both with a quiet intensity, leaned in too. Her hand found Penelope’s, her fingers interlacing with hers. “You’re doing so much better than you think,” Josie said, her voice teasing yet full of affection. “You’re like a superhero, Penny. I swear, no one can handle all this and still look as good as you do.”Penelope’s lips curled into a small, exhausted smile. “I feel like a superhero,” she muttered, “but it’s more like a zombie version.”Hope chuckled, pressing a kiss to Penelope’s forehead. “You’re beautiful, no matter what. But you’re right. It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to feel like you’ve had enough. We’re not going anywhere. You just focus on getting better, and we’ll handle the rest.”Penelope closed her eyes for a moment, trying to steady the overwhelming wave of emotions that threatened to rise. She had been through so many rounds of chemo that it almost felt like a routine. But each time, the toll it took on her, physically and emotionally, felt like it could break her all over again.Josie’s thumb gently traced the back of Penelope’s hand, bringing her focus back to the present. “You’ve done the hardest part. You showed up. You fought. Now, we’re gonna take care of you. You just rest and let us do the heavy lifting.”Penelope nodded, her chest tightening as she thought about how much her life had changed in such a short time. It wasn’t just the cancer that had changed things—it was Hope and Josie. Her world had shifted in ways she hadn’t anticipated, and although she couldn’t always articulate it, she knew this was what strength felt like: not doing everything alone, but letting others in. Letting Hope and Josie in.She hadn’t known she was capable of that kind of trust. But here, with them, she felt like she was allowed to be fragile, allowed to lean on the two people who loved her without hesitation. It wasn’t something she’d ever been comfortable with before—being dependent on others. But with Hope’s quiet support and Josie’s fierce, loving energy, it was starting to feel natural. It was starting to feel right.“I’m so lucky,” Penelope whispered, her voice barely audible.Both women looked at her with soft smiles, their eyes reflecting a mixture of pride and love. Hope reached down to kiss the back of Penelope’s hand, brushing it against her cheek. “No, Penny. We’re the lucky ones,” she said, her voice full of sincerity. “We get to love you.”Josie’s hand came to rest on Penelope’s leg, her thumb tracing soothing patterns on her skin. “Yeah, babe. You’re ours now. You’ve got us, no matter what.”Penelope let out a slow, shaky breath, feeling the pressure in her chest ease a little. She was still exhausted—her body aching, her mind worn thin by the relentless toll the treatment had taken on her. But the love and support from the two people beside her helped hold her together in a way that made everything else seem manageable.For a while, the room was quiet again, just the soft sound of their breathing filling the space. Hope had pulled a chair up beside the bed, sitting close enough to reach out and touch Penelope if she needed, but giving her the space to rest. Josie had settled into the corner, her feet propped up on the footrest, her phone in her hand, but her attention still focused entirely on Penelope.Penelope closed her eyes again, feeling the warmth of the room and the presence of the two women around her. She was so tired, so close to drifting off, but the weight of her thoughts lingered in her chest. There was a part of her that still feared the future, that feared this constant cycle of treatments and hospital visits. What if she wasn’t strong enough? What if the cancer came back stronger?But then, she felt a gentle pressure on her hand—Josie’s thumb again, tracing quiet circles. The simple touch reminded her that she didn’t have to have all the answers right now. She didn’t have to know what the future held. All she had to do was be present, be here, and let herself be loved.Hope’s voice broke the silence, soft but steady. “You’re allowed to rest, Penny. We’ll take care of everything else. Just focus on you.”Penelope opened her eyes, meeting Hope’s gaze. The weight of her exhaustion was heavy, but there was also a lightness there now—a sense of safety she hadn’t known she could feel. She smiled faintly, her heart full.“I will,” Penelope whispered. “Thank you. Both of you.”Josie’s grin was full of mischief. “That’s right. You rest, and we’ll bring you all the snacks, the movies, and anything you need to keep you entertained. Deal?”Penelope laughed softly, the sound a little raspy but real. “Deal.”And for the first time in a long time, as her body finally surrendered to the exhaustion of the day, Penelope felt that maybe, just maybe, she could let herself rest—not just physically, but emotionally too.She didn’t have to do this alone. And that made all the difference.