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“Steve” 他拉开帐篷的帘子，艰难地从唇齿间挤出这个名字。
Steve半睁开眼，“Brian？…你不是去做采访了吗？”
Brian没有回答，再多说一个字，他就又要哭了。
“你多久没和我说话了？你想怎么样？”他嘲讽地笑了，“采访做完就去继续和Stef写那些娘娘腔的歌啊，大明星！” Steve点起一支烟，不经意地扫掉床头成人杂志上残余的粉末。帐篷里忽然陷入亘古的沉默，外边传来属于音乐节的快乐喧嚣似乎不属于他们。
他们不知道什么时候开始因为写歌起了争执，然后问题变得愈发私人。他们曾是彼此最亲近的人，他写节奏，也帮Brian修改旋律，在Brian被粉丝骚扰的时候一把推开那个疯子，拉着Brian的手离开，他纵容Brian的偏执和任性，不过这种好耐性似乎到了头。
是啊，自己曾经把他当作偶像仰望，但现在想明白了，他所追求的摇滚明星生活是不健康的，而自己想过正常的生活了。
Brian静静站着，忍受每一秒的煎熬，最终还是放弃，要转身离去。Steve起身拉住了他。然后在Brian带着几分憎恶的眼神里吻了他。
他开始吃抗抑郁症的药有段时间，比以前胖一些，但力气却小了，以前的他挣不开那个怀抱，现在的他更挣不开。等Steve一放开他，他就冲他叫：“我们之间结束了！”
“你真恶心“
“结束？“Steve重复着这两个字，可卡因开始在他的大脑里叫嚣，他的心脏不正常地跳动着，他抓起离自己最近的东西，朝Brian挥去。“结束？你什么时候说结束了？” 鼓棒落在Brian左手臂上
“就凭你两个月没和我说一句话吗？”鼓棒落在Brian右手臂上。“你依然去享受粉丝的拥戴，对那些蠢记者笑，当我不存在一样。”最后一下落在他的锁骨上，Brian一个踉跄，跌在了Steve的床上。
“看着我痛苦的样子你一定很开心吧，我都要疯了。”Steve讽刺地笑着，把鼓棒丢在他身上。他以前不是这样的，Brian想，他以前那么怕弄疼他。
“求你…”他低低的说道，一滴眼泪告别灰绿色的眼眸，亲吻他的鬓角。Steve跟着坐在床边，忍不住俯下身看着他，“你就想像他妈的丢垃圾一样把我他妈的丢掉！我不会让你得逞。”他颤抖着嗓音，轻轻地说，然后第二次想吻他。
Brian没有拒绝，第一次拒绝已经花掉了他所有力气。他知道自己又失败了，他拖了两个月也说不出那句话，他赢了，他舍不得。他任由Steve脱掉了自己的蕾丝内裤，他坐了起来，手臂环住Steve的脖子，最后一次，他告诉自己。
几乎没有任何前戏，他一定很恨他，他睡那些果儿都比这要温柔。但是Brian发现自己是那么眷恋他的一切，他熟悉的触感，他熟悉的气息，他一边哭，一边任由自己的身体迎合着他的身体。他的身体习惯了在他的阴茎进入时变得湿润，他的乳房习惯了被快感刺激得肿胀，Brian带着心里的痛苦和身体的快感浪叫着，Steve仿佛要把他的灵魂也打碎了。然后，他痉挛着，他抽搐着，他们俩一起进入了高潮。他射在了里面，他面色潮红，安静地想着，最后一次。
药物带来的兴奋被做爱快速地耗尽，Steve搂着他，没过多久就睡着了。Brian却睁着哭肿了的眼睛，异常清醒。枕边人的体温温暖不了他，他感受着精液缓缓从自己两腿间流出，等待着破晓。
Brian站起身，捡起自己的衣服穿上，默默走向帐篷外等候着的巡演巴士。
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"Steve." He pulled back the tent's curtain and with difficulty squeezed the name from his lips.Steve half opened his eyes, "Brian?...I thought you went to do that interview"Brian didn't answer, one more word and he'd be crying again."How long has it been since you've talked to me? What do you want?" He laughed mockingly, "Well if you're done with the interview, go back to Stef and write those girly songs with him, superstar!" Steve lit up a cigarette, absently sweeping away the remaining powders from the adult magazines on the nightstand. An eternity of silence filled the tent, the loud festival noises sounded so remote.Couldn't remember when they'd started arguing about writing songs, and then the issue had become more and more personal. They were so close to each other once. Steve not only wrote the beats but also helped Brian with the melodies, he would push the crazy stalker away, then turn and walk away, taking Brian by the hand; he indulged Brian's paranoia and his temper, but that kind of patience seemed to be fading away.Yeah, Brian thought, he used to look up to him as his idol, but now he had figured out that the rock star lifestyle Steve was pursuing was unhealthy, and he wanted to live a normal life.Brian stood silently, enduring every second of the silence, before finally giving up and turning to leave. Steve got up and pulled him back, then kissed Brian, not seeing the resentment in his eyes.Brian had started taking antidepressants for a while, and therefore had gained some weight, but lost some strength. He couldn't break away from that embrace before, how can he escape from his arms now? As soon as Steve let go of him, he screamed, "It is all over between us! We broke up.""You're disgusting," Brian said."Over? " Steve repeated the word, the cocaine began to scream in his brain, his heart raising as he grabbed the closest thing to him and swung it at Brian. "Over? When did you say it was over?" The drumstick hit Brian's left arm."It is over because you haven't said a single word to me in two months?" The drumstick landed on Brian's right arm, "and you still went on enjoying the attention of your fans, smiling at those stupid journalists." The last hit landed on his collarbone and Brian stumbled, falling onto Steve's bed."It must be so much fun for you to watch me in pain, you are driving me crazy." Steve laughed sarcastically, dropping the drumsticks on him. He didn't used to be like this, Brian thought, he used to be so afraid of hurting him."Please..." he whispered, a single tear bidding farewell to his gray-green eyes and kissing his temple. Steve followed, sitting on the edge of the bed, unable to resist leaning down to look at him, "You are trying to dump me like fucking trash! I won't let you." He said softly, in a shaky voice, and then tried to kiss him a second time.Brian didn't refuse, the first refusal had used up all his strength. Brian knew he had failed again, he couldn't say the words after two months of attempts, Steve had won, he couldn't let go. He let Steve remove his lace panties, he sat up, and put his arms around Steve's neck, one last time, he told himself.There was hardly any foreplay, Steve must have hated him so much, even when sleeping with the groupies he would be much gentler than this. But Brian found himself so attached to everything about him, the way he touched him, his smell, everything. Brian sobbed as he let his body cater to his. His body was used to getting wet as his cock entered, his nipples were used to hardening in pleasure, and Brian wailed with the pain in his heart and the pleasure in his body, and it was as if Steve was trying to shatter his soul as well. Then he spasmed, he convulsed, and they both went into orgasm together. Steve cummed inside him, his face flushed, Brian thought quietly, for the last time.The euphoria from the drugs was quickly used up by the sex, Steve wrapped his arms around Brian and fell asleep not long afterward. Brian, however, was wide awake with his eyes swollen from the crying. The body heat of the man sleeping beside him couldn't warm him, and he felt the semen slowly flow out from between his legs as he waited for the break of dawn.Brian stood up, picked up his clothes put them on, and walked silently to the tour bus that had been waiting outside the tent.