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By the time Alex arrives home, it’s very late. He’s been spending all his evenings this week at the library, finishing paper after paper and studying for his finals, but at least he can say that it’s over for now. Exams are done and papers have been submitted, all that awaits him is a much anticipated winter break. Going into it, Alex knew it would be hard, but Law School is kicking his ass, so the last thing he wants when he gets to the brownstone is to hear Henry’s distressed voice saying “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, June. I’ve tried everything and nothing works. It’s too difficult.”The words give Alex pause. Before he left this afternoon, Henry was okay. The end of the year is a bit of a busy time for him too, but he was happy about the fact that Bea and Catherine will be flying to New York to spend Christmas with them, so Alex doesn’t know what could have happened to him in the past few hours that’s making him sound so worried.“Wow, you know I love you,” June’s voice answers through the phone. “But you’re being so dramatic right now, Henry.”Alex would probably feel self-conscious about how fast his protective instinct over Henry kicks in, if he wasn’t the happiest he’s ever been. It doesn’t matter that his own sister is the one who called Henry dramatic, Alex is ready to go to war to defend his boyfriend’s right to be dramatic if he wants to, even if he doesn’t know the context.“No, I’m not! It shouldn’t be this hard, Alex’s been–”He leaves his bag and keys at the entrance and takes off his shoes before finally entering the living room/kitchen and is greeted by a sight he wasn’t expecting. “What’s going on here?”“Shit,” Henry almost drops his phone in shock and hastily adds an “I gotta go, bye” to June before ending the facetime call. Then, he turns to the couch where their little dog is peacefully napping, “David! you were supposed to let me know when he was coming!”David barely reacts to the scolding, lifting his head slightly to look at Henry only to resume his sleeping position a second later. Alex, on the other hand, can’t stop looking at his boyfriend.His boyfriend, currently wearing a red apron, holding a spatula like a sword and pinned to the spot in the middle of the most chaotic scene their kitchen has ever witnessed. “So what, you’d have time to clean this mess in the three seconds that it takes for me to get here?” He asks. There are what Alex assumes are pastries –although of very dubious appearance– divided into three trays. A variety of ingredients, plates and bowls cover all the surface of the kitchen island, not to mention the flour tracks Alex can see over the oven and on the floor… “Henry, seriously, what’s all this?”Henry sighs, clearly defeated. “You’ve been so sad since you heard that your grandparents couldn’t visit this year that I wanted to do something nice?”And suddenly Alex understands, the predominant smell is mostly burnt sugar, but underneath that– “are those my abuela’s polvorones?”“Supposedly… I don’t know why I thought I could bake them. You’ve been trying to teach me to cook for over a year and I can barely fry an egg.” Henry leaves the spatula over the pile of things on the sink, picks up a tray of pastries and makes a move to throw them onto the trash can. “I’m sorry. I’ll clean everything up.”“Wait, wait, wait!” Alex stops him. “Don’t throw them out, maybe they’re not that bad…” He picks up one who’s shaped like an open circle and holds it up for inspection.“I know they’re supposed to be little balls. I don’t even know how they all got the wrong shape.”“It’s okay, it’s the taste that matters,” Alex bites into one that kind of resembles the ones his abuela makes and swallows it. It’s terrible. “It’s not that bad?” he tries.“Alex, I can see your face,” Henry leaves the tray on the counter again. “These are awful and I’m sorry. I made the first batch and I forgot to add sugar, which, as it turns out, is pretty important for them to taste good. Then I made the second and they completely burnt. And the only reason I didn’t give up right then is because of the stupid ‘third time’s the charm’ saying. Well, it wasn’t.” He throws his arms in the air out of frustration. “The shape got all wrong in the oven, and the texture is off for some reason. I called June but she couldn’t come here to help and–”Alex is pretty sure the problem of that third batch was in the butter. It was probably too warm, or maybe Henry used a little bit too much or too little, but he doesn’t say anything. Because Henry is ranting about his disastrous attempts at baking something that Alex loves only because he knows Alex loves it, and Alex is feeling things . Because Henry really hates using a kitchen if it isn’t for taking things out of the fridge, but he still did it. For Alex. It’s such a Henry thing to do, putting himself in an uncomfortable position if he thinks the outcome will be good for the people he loves. Alex, of course, knows that Henry loves him. They’ve been together for almost two years now and he’s always felt appreciated. But now, watching the man he loves in dismay over a nice gesture gone wrong, Alex feels a strange sense of calm, followed by unwavering certainty. Like he can see their whole future together on display in their kitchen. A future where every dirty utensil represents a moment in which Henry will try to make Alex happy regardless of his own feelings.And the thing is, their kitchen is very fucking dirty right now. In spite of it, a sense of peace overcomes Alex. A sense of peace that he can only associate with Henry. And so, the words are out of his mouth before he can’t think to stop them. “Marry me.”Henry looks at him in shock. Ten seconds pass, then half a minute, before Henry swallows and looks away. “A terrible pastry made you say that? I’m scared to know who else is on the market…”“C’mon, H,” Alex whispers gently. He puts his hands on Henry’s waist and softly kisses his lips. Henry’s eyes close and Alex swiftly recognizes what his boyfriend is doing. Dear Thisbe, I wish there weren’t a wall …After a minute, Henry finally opens his eyes and looks at him. “You don’t mean that,” he tells Alex. There’s no accusation in his voice, just a slight resignation, but Alex knows this too. Knows not to prod him anymore, to let him work things out at his own pace.There’s a pain lodged deep in Henry’s soul. One that speaks of loss, grief and a constant struggle for self acceptance. A war that Henry fights everyday, even now that he’s happy. It’s part of the beauty that makes Henry the man Alex chooses to love everyday, and something that won’t ever deter him.Henry pulls away from Alex and starts putting things in the dishwasher, humming a soft melody. In appearance, everything is back as it was before Alex left this afternoon. The fight only internal and taking place in Henry’s brain. But if Alex knows his boyfriend –and he does– he knows that right now Henry needs him. “Hey, let’s go to bed, we can clean this tomorrow.”“Yeah,” Henry exhales. “I guess there’s no risk of David eating anything,” he grimaces.Alex laughs, cleans a smear of flour on Henry’s cheek gently with his thumb and pulls him by the hand towards their bedroom.–The question hangs heavy in the air between them, and even though no one is acknowledging it, it’s still there. They go through their pre-bedtime routine with practiced ease, but Alex can feel Henry’s furtive glances from time to time. Still, he waits it out. He talks about his last assignment and the paper he wrote that Alex knows will get him an A even though the professor is a republican and hates Alex and all the Claremonts, Díazs and Claremont-Díazs of the world. He talks about June’s last article and something funny Nora sent him after lunch. He talks and talks while his boyfriend listens and smiles but keeps quiet.Throughout, Alex can feel Henry’s energy shift from disbelief to hunger . So it comes as no shock to him when Henry, who has been looking at Alex more and more intently from the bathroom door, pulls him in for a searing kiss the moment Alex finishes brushing his teeth.Henry may not be ready to talk about it, but he’s definitely up for taking Alex apart.Alex will not complain about that.“Alex–” Henry mutters as he kisses his way down Alex’s neck.“What do you need, baby?”“You.” Henry pulls Alex by the hips until they fall into the bed tangled together. “Just you.”It’s a dance they’ve danced hundreds of times, but there’s an undercurrent of desperation in the way Henry moves beneath Alex, the way he devours him, the way he grips his hair, the way he takes off his clothes, the way he locks his legs around Alex’s body, pushing him deeper. “Alex–” Henry whines, and Alex knows.“I’m here, baby.”“Alex.” It’s a plea. From Henry’s lips, his name sounds like a blessing and a prayer. It conceals all the words Henry can’t say out loud just yet, but Alex hears them anyway.“I know,” Alex reassures him. He can feel Henry getting close, so he slips a hand between their bodies and strokes while Henry grips his hair like a lifeline. “I’m here,” he moans on his neck.“Alex,” Henry practically yells as Alex moves faster inside of him, all over him. As close to his body and soul as he can possibly get.“I know, baby. I’m here.” Henry comes with a gasp, spilling between their bodies and locking even tighter his arms and legs around Alex as he shakes in pleasure. As if he’s afraid of letting him go.What a ridiculous idea.Alex’s orgasm hits him, buried deep into the man of his dreams. He breathes Henry in, tastes the sweat on his skin, feels his blood pumping wildly at his heartbeat’s tempo. What a ridiculous idea.As if there was somewhere else in the world Alex would rather be.As if there could be someone else in the world for him. He’s never letting Henry go.When he can finally catch his breath, he lifts his head to find Henry already looking at him with misty eyes and a sated smile. Alex kisses the tip of his nose and adds “always” before kissing his lips one more time.–Something is trying to pull Alex out of a very nice dream. His abuelos look at them amused, June and Alex. They’re playing a game that June is unfairly winning, her braided hair flipping wildly in the air as she runs around Alex and laughs at him. It’s not his fault his legs are shorter than hers. “Alex.” La Virgen de Guadalupe observes them from her sacred place on the wall of his grandparents’ living room in Mexico City– “Alex.”He wakes up with a start. “Henry?” Alex sits up and switches on the lamp on his bedside table. Henry’s face is a mix of too many things for– 2:36 AM, his phone says. “Are you okay?”The anxious part of Henry’s jumbled emotions is winning over the others when he asks: “Did you really mean it?”And that strange sense of peace invades Alex’s body again. He takes Henry’s hand and kisses his knuckles. “Of course I did.”Henry nods and blinks a few times. Alex doesn’t want to turn around to put on his glasses and risk missing a single second of what’s sure to be one of the most important moments in his life, so everything’s a little blurry and he can’t be completely sure, but he thinks Henry’s beautiful eyes are wet. He thinks his own might be wet too. “It’s too soon, isn’t it too soon?”“It feels like the right time to me…” he shrugs.“I just know the public is going to hate it. They’ve somewhat accepted there’s a gay tosser in the Royal family but– marriage ? it’s going to be like we’re rubbing our queer arses in their faces.”“Henry, I couldn’t care less about the people who would think that, I only care about what you think.”“Grandma won’t want us to have a Royal Wedding. Not like the one Pip and Martha had.”“I could get married at the dingiest town hall in the world and I’d be just as happy,” Alex says, meaning every word. His family would kill him for doing that. Nora would probably enter his name into some obscure database that would ruin Alex’s life. But if that was what Henry wanted, Alex would do it without thinking. “I just want to be able to call you my husband.”Henry’s breath catches at the sound of that word, and the way he looks at Alex in that moment; beautiful in all his vulnerability, and brave, with his eyes full to the brim with hope and love, Alex discovers that he’s still capable of falling in love even more.“Sweetheart, If you’re not ready, it’s okay. I’ll wait however long you need me to.”Henry wipes up a tear falling down his cheek with the hand Alex isn’t holding. “It’s not that I’m not ready. I am ready. But– are you sure?”“Of course I am,” Alex replies with unwavering faith.Henry frees his hand from Alex’s hold so he can rub both hands over his face, clean up the mess of tears, and take a second to himself. When he uncovers his eyes, he laughs and Alex’s heart bursts with happiness. “You didn’t actually ask, though, you kind of commanded me to marry you.” Henry teases.Laughing in pure relief and joy, Alex jumps out of bed. Two can play this game, and in all honesty, this part of their relationship: their banter, is one of Alex’s favorite parts. So he goes to the kitchen and picks up the pastry that looks almost like a doughnut, sits on the bed holding it up facing Henry and says: “Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, will you marry me?”Henry nods and wearing his brightest smile he answers “yes. I love you.” Alex pulls his hand so he can put the pastry around his finger. It’s too big and it breaks in half as soon as Alex slides it in, but that only makes them laugh harder. They fall on the bed into a heap of limbs and happiness and kiss between giggles and tears, rolling over each other, trying to get even closer, and definitely not caring about crumbs. When they finally get down from the high, Henry picks up a piece of the pastry and bites into it. “Oh my god this is ghastly,” he says, disgust written all over his face.“I love you, but you’re right. It’s fucking awful.” Henry snorts and shoves him playfully. Alex takes his hand and kisses the spot where soon his fiance will wear a wedding ring. “Don’t worry, baby, we have a lifetime together. Hopefully, that will be enough time for me to show you how they’re made.”