Work Text
Yeon Skylar
The screen brightness of Skylar’s computer hit his face as he absorbed the contents of the e-mail he had received that morning. Surprise painted his features as soon as he read the subject, and he quickly scrolled down to open the document attached to the message.It was an invitation—a wedding invitation. To Chan-il and Ri-in’s wedding.
Skylar’s brows raised in astonishment as he scanned the document. There were just too many things to take in. He did not know those two were still together after all these years, and now they were getting married. And somehow they decided to invite Skylar… even if he hadn’t exchanged a word with them in almost five years.A multitude of questions ran through his head, and curiosity peaked inside him. His heart warmed at the gesture, a small smile forming on his lips. Memories flooded back to the days when the four of them would—His smile faded as he read the invitation more carefully.
Best man: Baek Cirrus.
Baek Cirrus. As in the Baek Cirrus Skylar hadn’t heard about in years. The name sent chills down his spine. Baek Cirrus , his heart raced. Baek Cirrus , he swallowed, his hands sweating.
Baek Cirrus. His ex.
***
If Skylar could afford to buy a brand-new computer, he would have burned his laptop the moment he received that email. Did that make him a coward? Yes, it did. Did he care? No, he did not. Actually, Skylar didn't care for anything related to stepping out of his comfort zone; he was perfectly fine in his own little bubble.Attending a wedding full of people from the past was way beyond his comfort zone. If he could, he would run away as far as possible from that scenario. So, when Skylar received that invitation two days ago, he closed the tab promptly and deleted the email as fast as he could.He appreciated the gesture of inviting him, and under different circumstances, Skylar might have attended the wedding. If he hadn’t been a coward, of course. But he had had enough of Beak Cirrus plaguing his mind for the last two days to even imagine what it would be like to face him.A part of him wanted to punch himself. After all, it had been four years—by then, Skylar and Cirrus had been together since the last days of their senior year. It had been a decent amount of time, the kind that makes you adapt to a completely new lifestyle with that person. The amount of time necessary to mentally list each other's likes and dislikes when grocery shopping, the time needed to lose yourself for the other person.Skylar was not the same person who had left that flat four years ago with suitcases full of his belongings. As he stepped out of it, he knew it was not fair for him or the boy he left behind. But it was necessary, and Skylar did not regret his actions, even if they had hurt him. Actually, he preferred not to think about it, and he hadn’t, until he read his name in that stupid invitation.Skylar pinched his temples, taking a deep breath. These past few years, he had acquired a coffee obsession, and now it was the only thing that could calm his headaches. Leaving the coffee cup on the counter, he walked to his small kitchen with the intention of making himself another one when he heard the doorbell ring.He furrowed his brows, turning to the door. It was Sunday night, and he did not receive that many visits except from his family. Skylar sighed, thinking it was probably a food courier who had pressed the wrong button or his annoying sister asking for more money.“Who is this?” he asked, pushing the button of the intercom.“Uh, Skylar, is that you?” the voice came through, and Skylar’s heart stopped. “Oh, sorry, you asked who I was. I’m Chan-il, and I’m looking for Skylar. Is this his flat? I think I might have gotten his flat number wrong.”A heavy silence settled between them. The intercom stayed silent, only Skylar’s heavy breathing and the coffee machine running breaking the stillness. He froze, Chan-Il was there. Why was he there? Obviously, it was something related to the damn invitation, but why? They had not crossed paths for years. After all, Skylar had actively ignored him until Chan-il gave up contacting him.
“Ermm, Skylar?” the voice he once knew too well interrupted his thoughts.He cleared his throat. “Yes, this is him.” He hesitated. Was he supposed to let Chan-Il in? Well, he said he was looking for him, so that was obvious. Skylar could lie and tell him he was sick or that he didn’t feel like talking. But something about turning away his old friend, whose wedding invitation he had ignored, felt wrong. “It’s been a long time, Chan-il. Come on up.”“Oh, great! I’ve—” he let go of the intercom, and Skylar rushed to the bathroom, not even listening to what Chan-il said. He looked at himself in the mirror and cringed. He was visibly older, yet he didn’t look his 28 years; people often told him he looked younger. Skylar looked tired, though, and he was. So he tried to make himself look presentable for this surprise visit.
Fuck. What the hell was happening?
He washed his face and ran his fingers through his hair, quickly putting on a clean shirt. He locked his bedroom door, and with every passing second, Skylar hoped Chan-il had changed his mind and left.But he did not, and when he heard the knock on his door, he could already feel his throat filled with guilt. What was he even supposed to say to him?Skylar walked slowly to the door and opened it. On the other side stood the boy he had met more than ten years ago, with bright orange hair and eyes filled with a strange innocence. It had been a long time since Skylar's feelings for Chan-il had vanished, but he could still see why he had fallen for him.“Chan-il, hi. What a surprise, I—” Skylar couldn’t finish as the boy surged forward and wrapped his hands around Skylar. Skylar's eyes widened, and he froze with his arms lingering to his side.When his old friend finally decided to let him go, he flashed a big smile. "It’s been a long time, man. I can’t believe you’re here.”“I can’t believe you’re here,” Skylar retorted, his body relaxing. “I mean, how did you know where I lived?”"“Oh, that’s right. I’m not a stalker or anything. I called your old house number, and your mum gave me your address,” he blurted out while Skylar directed them to the small living room (if you can call it that). His mum had not said anything, yet that was not surprising given that she probably knew what his reaction would have been.Chan-il sat on the sofa, looking around the flat with curiosity. “I hope I’m not disturbing you; I know it’s late. It’s just that with work and the wedding preparations, I hardly had any time left to come see you.”Ah, the damn wedding. The one he had been trying to forget, not because of the couple getting married, but because of one particular person who would be attending.Skylar stood straighter. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t doing much, anyway,” he said, trying to sound chill. “But… what brings you here?”Skylar’s curiosity peaked, and even if he could assure it was something related to the invitation, he couldn’t believe his friend, whom he had purposely avoided for years (along with his other friends), was sitting in front of him. Wasn’t Chan-il supposed to be mad at him? Skylar would be for sure. Yet his friend sat with a warm smile and kind eyes.“Oh, you didn’t RSVP to the invitation I sent you, so I came to give it to you in person in case I got your email wrong,” his smile widened. “I’m getting married! Can you believe it? God knows I don’t. Anyway, this is me officially inviting you to our wedding. It would be a pleasure for Ri-in and me to have you there… for old times' sake.”Skylar couldn’t bring himself to admit he had actually received the email and decided to ignore it, so he acted as surprised as his limited acting skills allowed him. “That’s great news! Congratulations, dude.” He patted his friend’s arm.“Thanks, Sky,” the boy answered, smiling like a fool as he got his phone out and showed Skylar his lock screen. “Look, this is us now, and that’s our dog, Honey.”Skylar shot him a genuine smile as Chan-il continued to show him pictures of the two of them: one of them travelling in Europe, another one of them brushing their teeth together, another one in a museum—the kinds of pictures that he and—He halted his own thoughts there. Skylar didn’t want to go there.He didn’t realise he had stayed silent, looking at a distant spot, when Chan-il cleared his throat beside him, with a knowing look on his face.“You did receive the invitation, didn’t you?” the boy asked, this time with a serious tone.Skylar sighed and nodded, his head low, his cheeks flushing. There was no point in lying, it’s not like it matters, anyway.
“So why didn’t you answer it? I mean, even if you can’t go, a life signal would have been enough.”He shook his head. “It’s not that. I was surprised you even sent it,” he replied truthfully. “I’m happy for you two. I really am. I just didn’t expect to receive the invitation when we hadn’t talked in years, so I thought you would not even notice if I didn’t reply.”“You’re my friend, Sky. Of course, I’d notice. You’ve always been my friend, even if we don’t talk anymore.”“I… thank you.” Skylar felt shame rushing through his whole body.
Chan-il smiled. “So what do you say? Are you in? It’s a destination wedding, so you need to clear your schedule for at least a week if you decide to go.”
Don’t do it, don’t you fucking dare do it.
“It would be an honour,” he said nervously. “Yeah, I’m in.”
You stupid, weak, piece of—
Chan-Il cheered and patted Skylar’s shoulder. “I knew you would agree. Ri-In thought it would take a whole lot more convincing; guess I’m adorable.”Skylar laughed awkwardly, trying to hide the evident tension in his posture.“Oh, by the way,” Chan-il said, looking around the flat again as if he were trying to find something. Skylar frowned. “You can bring a plus one, if you want. Just tell us in advance.”Skylar cringed but nodded. “Noted.”His friend shifted awkwardly. “Yeah, the trip is designed for couples, so if you have someone, it would be great if they come along too.”Skylar raised his eyebrows. For a moment, he thought Chan-il was trying to know if he was seeing someone.“That’s okay. I’m not really seeing anyone right now.” And he hadn’t, for four years.
His friend shot him a weird smile. “Great! Ri-In will be very happy to hear that.” He murmured so low Skylar almost didn’t catch it.
“What–?”“Oh shoot, I have to go,” the boy stood and quickly hugged Skylar again. “It was great seeing you, Sky. See you at the wedding!” And with that, he left the flat, closing the door behind him.Skylar sighed, sprawling on the couch. What had he gotten himself into?
***
Baek Cirrus
“He needs to take his vitamins twice a day. You can mix it in his food. Oh, and I already sent you what you will feed him, with the exact portions. Try to be exact so you don’t overfeed him,” Cirrus blurted out as he instructed the teenage boy. The boy's eyes were flickering, probably trying to keep up with Cirrus as he showed him the cupboard filled with Lumpy's stuff. “I’d appreciate it if you take him out for a walk once a day, but I can’t even do that. Usually, I take him out every two or three days.”The teenage boy—what was his name, again? Cirrus did not remember. He had just signed into the Dog-sitter website yesterday morning and hired the person with the highest reviews to take care of Lumpy. But now that Cirrus looked at him, the boy seemed a bit lost at his instructions.Cirrus examined the boy with a stern expression. Fuck, he should have just left Lumpy in one of those nice Dog Hotels. The idea had crossed his mind, but he thought the dog would feel way more comfortable in his own house and without other dogs around. He wanted Lumpy to have the familiarity of home, even if it meant dealing with a momentarily forgettable dog-sitter.“How old are you?” Cirrus asked, a bit panicked at the prospect of leaving his dog in the care of an underage stranger.Teenagers can be a nuisance. Cirrus’ teenage years attested to that.“I’m nineteen, sir,” the boy replied. Sir , ugh. Cirrus cringed. He wasn’t that old. “I’m a college student; this is my part-time job, you see.”“And you’re okay with taking care of him for a whole week?”
The boy nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ve managed to adapt my schedule. You have nothing to worry about,” he said as he followed Cirrus. “I’ve written down everything you instructed me; I’ll be very careful with his needs… most owners aren’t very attentive to this level,” he joked.Cirrus looked at him with an expressionless face, and the boy’s smile disappeared. He cleared his throat. “I usually send a picture of the pet a day so you won’t have nothing—”“Make it two and a video call,” Cirrus cut him off as he strode down the hallway. Gosh, this wedding couldn’t get any more stressful. “You can come back tomorrow at two before I leave, so he doesn’t panic when he sees you enter the house instead of me.”“Yes, sir. I’ll be here on time,” he replied, turning his head to a distant point in the bookshelf. “Oh, do you have another dog I'll be taking care of?”Cirrus followed his gaze; the picture he had of him and Candy stood on the bookshelf. A lump formed in his throat, and he clenched his fists. “Used to, she passed away a while ago,” he whispered.“I-I’m so sorry, sir,” the boy looked ashamed, and Cirrus simply nodded, directing him to the door. As soon as the dog-sitter left the house, Cirrus went to pick up the framed picture. It was him crouched down, Candy beside him; he was side-hugging her, and she had her usual smile on her face. Cirrus tried to ignore how the lump became bigger when he remembered who had taken the picture.Cotton Candy had lived a long life, almost sixteen years to be exact. Cirrus felt as if a part of his soul died when she did. He never imagined he could have another pet ever again; Candy had been the only one. But one rainy night, he was watching movies in this same living room, drifting off, when he heard Lumpy’s cries outside his door. At first, Cirrus had told himself he would only take care of him for a few days while he recovered; those few days soon turned into two years.His thoughts were interrupted as Lumpy came trotting down the hallway, a toy in his mouth. Sometimes, Cirrus thinks Candy was the one that sent Lumpy to him.
“Good boy,” he said as he threw the toy to the other side of the living room so Lumpy could bring it back. As the dog returned to him, his phone rang in his pocket.He picked it up, sighing before accepting the call. “Yes, Ri-in. I already have the rings with me; you have nothing to worry about.”“Great! Thanks, Cirrus. I owe you a big one,” the annoying voice of his best friend came through the phone as Cirrus threw the toy again, and Lumpy ran to it.“Yes, you do,” he answered, lying down on the couch, his hand under his head. “You have annoyed me more than your maids of honour already," Cirrus said. He had a headache every time he remembered the extraordinary amount of cake he had to eat to choose the wedding cake or how many wedding dress appointments he had to attend because Ri-in decided she also needed a “male perspective” when trying on dresses.“Hey! You’re the best man, aren’t you? It’s basically a part of your duties,” she snarled at him.“Shut up,” he threw the ball again. “I was the one who introduced you to him, anyway. My duties as the best man are more than fulfilled.”“I beg to differ; even if you introduced us, it was us who made it work,” she replied, and Cirrus rolled his eyes. “Gosh, Cirrus. I can’t believe I’m getting married. Where did all the time go?” Down the drain. He thought, but chose not to say it.Cirrus huffed. “I can’t believe you’re getting married to Chan-il either,” he said sarcastically.“One of your best friends,” she retorted.“He’s still Chan-il.”“I know, dumbass, that's why I chose him,” she murmured with that voice. Pensive. Cirrus could perfectly imagine her biting down her lip and having that foolish gaze on her face. Love really makes us stupid. A lesson he had learnt the hard way.“Ugh, gross. I swear Chan-il is the same whenever he talks about you, the same silly voice.”“You’ll bite your tongue one day, and I’ll laugh at you.”“Keep on dreaming,” he scoffed. Lumpy had already tired, and he was resting on Cirrus' legs. Cirrus patted the dog. “By the way, how’s everyone? Are they already there?”“Yes! My family is already settled in; they all flew in yesterday morning. Ji-gyeom, Seung-yeon, and Jiwon arrived today, and Yoochan flies in tonight. They are excited to see you.”“Hm,” he hummed, not really knowing what to say. Cirrus loved his friends, he really did. He was not the same sheltered, traumatised boy he was in high school, yet sometimes they all over worried about him, as if he was a boy who couldn’t take care of himself. Sometimes Cirrus could pinpoint exactly what they were thinking; it’s like they all took the responsibility to take care of him when—He stopped himself.“I can’t wait to see them either; it feels like it's been an eternity since we hung out together,” Cirrus yawned, stretching his arms. “To think I would be now resting on a peaceful beach if you hadn’t completely forgotten about the wedding rings and made me change my flight.”“As I said, I owe you one,” she laughed, and Cirrus said goodbye. Before he could hang up, Ri-in called him. “And Cirrus. For God's sake, shave down your beard.”“Why? I think it looks rather good,” and it was true; he had been taking care of it for six months. Cirrus didn’t even know he could grow a beard; its growth was awkward at first until he learned how to shave it in a way that highlighted his features. He thought it gave him a more stern look, but Ri-in hated it.“It doesn’t. You need to look presentable.”“A beard is properly presentable for a wedding. God, it's not even that long.”“Not for the wedding, for–” she cut herself off, and Cirrus frowned. “Just shave it down or I’ll do it when I see you,” and with that, she hung up.
***
When you knew someone like Cirrus, it didn’t take much to figure out he could be a bit unlucky.
Perhaps he had been a serial killer in a past life. Or a dictator. Or a dog thief. It didn't matter, sometimes Cirrus just felt like the universe hated him.
At his almost 29 years old, Cirrus’ bad luck always manifested once in a while… and today it had been the day.Of course, this would happen, he cursed himself. Cirrus felt the urge to punch himself in the face for not thinking about this possibility beforehand and thinking he would have a nice, stress-free time during this week. Now, he was hiding behind a wall like a little kid, his heart about to jump out of his chest. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was going to kill Chan-il and Ri-in; it was going to be a bloody wedding for sure. Because they surely knew Yeon Skylar, the Yeon Skylar, was going to be in attendance, and yet they did not tell Cirrus about it, not even to warn him.He had arrived at the resort a few hours ago and went straight to sleep after briefly greeting the soon-to-be bride and groom. After his nap, Cirrus could already feel his body relaxing after what had been an awful month at work. When he saw in the group chat that his friends were all hanging out by the pool, Cirrus decided it was time to join them.He had put on his swim trunks and a shirt, briefly admired himself in the mirror, and styled his hair. Cirrus shaved his beard that morning, as Ri-in ordered. It was hard to say goodbye to his dear beard, but he figured it would be for the better, as he didn’t want his Ri-in to chase him around the island with a razor.
So Cirrus had left his room freshly shaven, with a towel in his hand and a rare smile on his face. As he stepped out of the building towards the pool, Cirrus heard from a distance the familiar voices of his friends, and his smile widened even more.That was until he saw him from afar. His brown hair shining under the sunlight, a big smile on his face as he observed Jiwon and Yoochan arguing over something probably stupid. He didn’t wear his glasses anymore; he looked different, more mature. A complete grown-up.Cirrus halted his steps, almost dropping his towel and quickly hiding behind a wall before any of them could see him. He was shocked, fuck his luck, he wasn’t planning to see his ex again today, fuck, he wasn’t planning to see him again at all. Not after how things had ended. How Skylar had ended them.“Cirrus? What are you doing there?” he heard Chan-il’s voice, startling him. He turned to his friend, who wore a concerned gaze while examining Cirrus. He shushed him and his friend’s frown deepened.
Chan-il shifted his gaze to the voices, and his mouth formed an O as realisation hit him. Cirrus threw him a deathly stare.“I… I was going to tell you. I wasn’t sure if he was even coming.” Cirrus squinted his eyes. Liar. “Sure, you were going to tell me after I casually ran into him at breakfast.”“No! I swear I was. It’s just that I have so many things on my mind right now; I... forgot about it.”“A heads-up would have been fine, or a simple text, like you know, ‘Hey, Cirrus, just so you know, your ex will be at the wedding. Try not to make things awkward and do not bring your single ass to the wedding if you don't have a date,’” he said with a frown on his face, his heart still racing. Thank god he had shaved.Chan-il raised his eyebrows. “You would have brought someone?” He had a knowing smile. “You still care that much, huh?”“Shut up, if tomorrow wasn’t your wedding day, I’d punch you in the face right now,” Cirrus protested.His friend’s smile fell. Look, I don’t know much about how you guys left things off—”“Bad. It was bad. You know, at least for me,” he cut off. It had been what? Four years, and Cirrus still sometimes felt the traces that Yeon Skylar left in him.Chan-il continued. “But he was my friend, and Ri-in’s too. Our friend. It felt right having him here. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but nothing you could have said would have changed the fact that he was going to be invited.”Cirrus furrowed his eyebrows, not convinced by his answer. He was about to answer when a voice called them from afar. “Chan-il? What are you doing there, man?” Ji-gyeom yelled, covering his face with his hand from the sun so he could see better. “Cirrus? Is that you?”Oh, fuck. Cirrus closed his eyes. He was going to do this, huh? He sighed before pulling his usual smile and threw his arm around Chan-il’s shoulder. “Yes. He was just helping me look for something I dropped,” he answered as they walked carelessly towards them. Cirrus had been good all his life at exuding confidence, and he made sure he did it at that moment. As they were getting close to them, he could feel two particular eyes burning the side of his face. Cirrus pretended not to care, he didn’t even look at him while he said hi to his friends and flashed a smile at them.As if nothing had happened. As if everything was back to normal.When it was time to face him, Cirrus prepared himself internally and turned to him. He acted surprised and flashed a fake smile at him. “Skylar,” he said in a calm tone. “What a surprise. Nice to see you, man.” What the hell are you doing here? And why do you have some muscles now? What was Cirrus actually wanted to say.Skylar shifted uncomfortably, his eyebrows lightly furrowed. Wasn’t he expecting to find Cirrus’ there? Had he been fooled by Chan-il too? Surely not when Cirrus’ name is in the wedding invitation. He must have known.Cirrus didn’t need to look around his friend group to sense how tense everyone was as the former lovers stared into each other’s souls. Skylar cleared his throat. “Nice to see you too, Cirrus.”His tone was flat, filled with unsaid words. They stood there, tension filling the air. No one really knew what to say. Actually, no words would be the right ones in this particular, fucked-up situation.
Oh, this is going to be fun , Cirrus thought.
***
This was not fun.Cirrus could pretend. Hell, he was a master at pretending. He pretended to have a happy family, to be a normal, cheerful kid. He pretended to forget the events of that day in the third grade. But he must have known that the only person he could never pretend around was fucking Yeon Skylar.Cirrus hated how Skylar was right now, laughing with everyone like old times, sharing wild stories about the events he covered at the stupid publishing house where he worked as a photographer. Skylar was laughing, ignoring Cirrus. And when Cirrus pretended this whole situation did not bother him, Skylar would look at him with a gaze that said: ‘ I can look right through you ’.The moment Cirrus realised Skylar was acting as if nothing had happened, he ordered a drink. When he realised Skylar had completely moved on from their life, he ordered another. As his heart crunched at the thought that Skylar was now completely indifferent to him, he ordered his third drink.Not even a ‘ Hey, how have you been? ’ or ‘ I hate you, don’t come closer’ . Cirrus scoffed, the second one sounded just like them when they were in high school. But instead, he received nothing, not a single word, nor a smile directed at him. It was like they were strangers now, and the thought made Cirrus order his fourth drink.
The boys had organised a mini bachelor’s party for Chan-il, and somehow they had ended up at a small bar with a karaoke machine. Jiwon and the rest were taking advantage of it. Cirrus was sitting down, ordering his fifth drink as he noticed Skylar’s flushed cheeks while talking to his ginger friend, while Chan-il stole panicked glances at Cirrus.
Were the rest of his friends also drunk? Or was he the only one? Oh, God, he couldn’t be the only one drunk. That would be so embarrassing.Skylar was sitting at the other end of the table. His shirt’s sleeves rolled up, showcasing the veins of his arms. Cirrus orders his what? Sixth drink?“You should slow down with the alcohol,” Chan-il advised as Cirrus drank from his glass, feeling the alcohol burning his throat.Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Skylar glancing at him. “Isn’t this a bachelor’s party?” Cirrus retorted with sarcasm as he took another sip.“ My bachelor’s party,” Chan-il clarified. “Not yours. I'm the one who's supposed to get extremely drunk, not you.”Cirrus frowned. “Everyone is drunk; if you aren’t, that’s on you,” he said, pointing at Yoochan, who was barely standing and singing Adele songs in the karaoke as if his heart had been ripped out.“Skylar is not drunk,” Chan-il mentioned and Cirrus rolled his eyes.“Skylar is never drunk,” Cirrus looked at his ex with a raised eyebrow. “He doesn’t like alcohol,” he added, sipping from his glass again. Skylar stared at him with an expressionless face.
Actually, back in the day, it was Skylar the one that prevented Cirrus from getting extremely drunk whenever they went out. Cirrus remembers how Skylar’s cheeks flushed a bright red whenever the alcohol made Cirrus say stupid, horny compliments to his then-boyfriend.
Skylar holds Cirrus’ gaze with a stern expression. Chan-il shifted his gaze between the two of them, a fleeting grin tugging at the corner of his mouth before it vanished. He cleared his throat. “I should probably take him back to his room,” he suggested, directing his words at Skylar.Cirrus felt himself melting in his seat, yet he saw Skylar shaking his head. “No, it’s your bachelor’s party; you should stay here and enjoy it. I can take him to his room.”Chan-il raised his eyebrows in surprise, that stupid sly smile appearing again on his face, and Cirrus groaned, now resting his head on the table as the world seemed to blur around him.Tomorrow, he'd probably kill himself from shame. Tonight, all he wanted was to catch a whiff of Skylar’s perfume once again.“Are you sure?” Chan-il asked.Skylar sighed and nodded. “I don’t think he expected to see me here. He’s probably like this because of me anyway. ”Cirrus frowned, raising his head momentarily to see the figures in front of him. “No, I’m not,” he defended.Chan-il laughed awkwardly and tugged Cirrus, helping him stand up. Cirrus could barely stand, feeling the world spin. “I can do it myself,” he said when Chan-il put a hand on his waist to help him walk.Chan-il’s hands were quickly replaced by other firm ones. Cirrus tensed at Skylar's touch, surprised at the speed with which Chan-il’s hands had been replaced.
His touch burned him. Cirrus could not handle it so he downed a glass of water and sat down again. This can’t be happening to him. He drank two more glasses of water and waited until the fog of his brain had levelled down as he sobered up a little bit.He felt like a piece of shit—an awful, selfish, stupid piece of shit. He wanted to cry himself to sleep. What a fucking day he had. Slowly, those voices that plagued him once came back to him again. He felt like he couldn't breathe.
You’re useless.
You’re the reason why Skylar left. The reason he couldn’t be happy.
You ruin everything. You are ruining your friends’ wedding.
It should have been you.
It. Should. Have. Been. You.
Cirrus took a deep breath, attempting to quell the tears threatening to fall. He swallowed hard. “I feel better now. I can find my own way; don’t worry, guys,” he offered them a sincere smile as he quickly walked away, silently praying he could soon return home and forget this entire trip.Leaving the bar, he walked with heavy steps and his head bowed. The door closed behind him, and a voice called his name. “Cirrus.” He turned; Skylar appeared nervous, the first visible emotion since their reunion this afternoon. “I’ll walk with you.”“I—” Cirrus couldn't finish as Skylar started walking beside him, not accepting a refusal. They strolled in silence for a while, and Cirrus soon realised he had underestimated the lingering alcohol in his veins when he started to stagger on his feet. Skylar supported him by the waist, basically carrying him on the way to his room.Once they stood in front of his room, Cirrus fully expected Skylar to leave, but instead, Skylar helped him lie on the bed, even taking off his shoes as Cirrus groaned. When Skylar tugged at Cirrus’ shirt, he shot his hand out to stop him.“Don’t,” he said, feeling his cheeks burn.Skylar furrowed his brows. “You always sleep shirtless. I’m just helping you sleep comfortably.”There it was again, Skylar’s indifference towards Cirrus that made his blood boil.
Cirrus scoffed. “You remember, huh?”“Of course I remember; we were together for six years,” he whispered.Cirrus hummed, eyes closing. “Six years, three months, and nineteen days.”Skylar’s hands stopped in their tracks. A heavy silence hung between them. Cirrus didn't dare open his eyes, but he felt a scrutinising stare.“Do you hate me?” Cirrus asked lowly after what felt like an eternity of silence, his hands gripping the pillow.“No,” Skylar said quickly. “No, Cirrus. I don’t hate you. Why would you think that?”“My father hated me, so he left me,” he mumbled, feeling tiredness wash over him.“Your father is an asshole.” Cirrus could hear Skylar’s teeth gritting.
“But you also left, so you must have hated me,” had he said that aloud? Was this real, or was Cirrus in a really bad dream?Skylar let out a shaky breath. The silence answered Cirrus’ question. An invisible tear rolling down the side of his face scrunched up against the pillow.
“I… I am sorry, Cirrus. For everything.”“I am sorry too,” he said as he finally drifted off to sleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yeon Skylar
Skylar was jolted awake the next morning by loud knocks on his hotel room door. He groaned internally, turning to check the bedside clock—it was barely 7 am, meaning that he had only managed about five hours of sleep.The knocking persisted, prompting Skylar to stand up hastily. His feet met the cold floor, and he rubbed his eyes as he approached the door.
As he swung open the door, Ri-in stood in the hallway, lifting her head from her phone, a surprised expression settled on her face. “Skylar?” she asked, a hint of amusement in her voice. Skylar frowned."Hi," he greeted, mustering an awkward smile. God, he must look awful.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, curiosity evident in her tone.Skylar’s frown deepened. "What do you mean…?" he began before memories of the previous night flooded his mind. A very drunk Cirrus, Skylar actively trying to avoid him… until he couldn’t anymore, and their conversation in Cirrus’ room before he had fallen asleep. Except, he now remembered, Skylar hadn’t left Cirrus’ room; he had just stood there, seemingly foolish, watching him sleep before eventually lying beside him. “Oh,” was all he managed, feeling his cheeks flush.“Is everything okay? Chan-il told me Cirrus was pretty wrecked last night,” Ri-in inquired. Suddenly, her bright blue eyes widened, and she gasped, “Oh my god. Did the two of you—”
“No,” Skylar cut her off before she could finish that sentence. “I-I just joined him on his way back… to make sure he got to his room okay. I must have fallen asleep too; I didn’t even notice.” Liar. Skylar had noticed. He recalled telling himself repeatedly last night to go away, to return to his room. But he didn't. God, Skylar felt like a fool; he thought he could avoid it, avoid him until he returned home. He must have known that Baek Cirrus remained a flashing light, attracting Skylar like a damn insect.A smile tugged at the corner of Ri-in’s lips, and Skylar lowered his head ashamed. “Oh well, he forgot his phone last night at the bar. Chan-il is still asleep, so I wanted to give it back to him before I started to get ready,” she explained, handing the phone to Skylar. He accepted it.“Thank you. I… I probably should head to my room too,” he responded. “Congratulations again. I guess I’ll see you later.”Ri-in nodded slowly, a kind smile on her face. “Skylar…” she called him before he could close the door. “I know we don’t talk as we used to, but… we are here. We are all here for you if you ever need us, even Cirrus.”“I-I appreciate it,” he said with a low voice, feeling his heart warm. Ri-in hugged him quickly before leaving.Skylar stood there for a few minutes, the silence only disrupted by Cirrus’ breathing. He turned to the figure sprawled over the bed, leaving the phone on the bedside table. Cirrus' hair was dishevelled, his strong jaw relaxed, and his lips slightly open.Thousands of memories flooded his mind as his eyes continued to focus on the man sleeping. It felt like grieving all over again. Skylar felt like a recovering addict who had just tried drugs again. “Do you hate me?” Skylar remembered Cirrus’ soft voice when he made the question, his eyes flickering. Skylar was so taken aback he just wanted to hold him until he forgot about the world around him.How could Skylar ever hate him? Even when he had tried so hard when they first met in high school, when he thought he did hate him and his heart only beat for Chan-il. Even then, deep down, he didn’t hate him.Baek Cirrus was intoxicating. Skylar’s personal venom.A venom he would gladly die for.
Baek Cirrus
Cirrus swore to never have another drop of alcohol as he drank the strange concoction Jiwon had made for his hangover.His head throbbed, and Cirrus just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day. And he planned to, until he remembered the purpose of this trip: Chan-il and Ri-in’s wedding, a wedding in which he was the best man.As the best man, he had responsibilities, primarily making sure Chan-il didn’t go insane with all the wedding chaos. Apparently, there was a problem with the flower arrangements, Chan-il’s suit still needed some stitches, and worst of all, he hadn’t written his vows down.“It’s okay; you still got time. The ceremony is not until later,” Ji-gyeom tried to comfort him while Chan-il paced through the room.“I know,” his friend answered, frustrated, biting down his nails. “It’s just that I don’t even know where to start, and the damn clock is ticking. Oh god, why did nobody warn me that weddings are this stressful?”Cirrus huffed. “Would that have even stopped you?”“No,” he answered promptly. “But I would have hired a better wedding planner.”Chan-il sat down, grabbing his temples while the rest looked at him carefully. The boys were hanging out in the groom’s room, supposedly “getting ready”. The truth is they had barely moved because they were focusing on containing the ball of nerves that was Chan-il.Skylar was nowhere to be seen. The boys had invited him over to get ready with them, much to Cirrus’ shame. He didn’t remember much of last night, but he did recall saying some stupid stuff to Skylar, embarrassing stuff. He had behaved like a kid all day; thankfully, he had fallen asleep before he could say more“It’s just that…” Chan-il started. “I mean, how do you even start writing down what the most important person in the world means to you on a damn piece of paper.”Cirrus felt a lump in his throat at his words, staring at a distant spot, his mind going back to the ring he bought to propose to the boy he once believed he’d spend his whole life with.The ring he still kept somewhere.Everything was different now, no matter how hard Cirrus wished they weren’t. The ring is probably rusting and that same boy had completely moved on.“You’re overthinking it,” Cirrus muttered, everyone shifted their eyes to him. “You’re not writing those vows for everyone to hear; you’re writing them for her. Just tell her how much you love her, and that should be enough.”Chan-il nodded slowly, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re right. I’m… I’m gonna go do that,” he said as he took a notebook and locked himself in the bathroom. Cirrus scoffed, shaking his head and laying back on the couch, his arms covering his eyes.“Oh God, I’m never getting married,” Cirrus said to himself, taking another sip of his drink, his eyes closed.A burst of laughter came from the other side of the room, and Cirrus flickered his eyes open. Jiwon, Seung-yeon, Yoochan, and Ji-gyeom shared complicit smiles.“What?” he asked.
Yoochan eyed Jiwon. “Nothing. It’s just funny that Chan-il is all stressed out and you’re the one getting any action. Man, I hope he can finally relax on the honeymoon; he’s been stressed for weeks.”“Wait,” Cirrus waved his hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”All of them shared funny glances one more time. “You and Skylar… yesterday,” Jiwon muttered, nudging at Cirrus. “You had so much fun yesterday that you can barely keep your eyes open, huh?”Cirrus’ eyes widened, his brows furrowed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”Ji-gyeom rolled his eyes. “Stop trying to trick us. We all saw you two leaving the bar together… and Yoochan saw Skylar leaving your room just this morning.”“I knew you two were gonna hook up,” Seung-yeon laughed. “You are so predictable, Baek Cirrus.”
What the—
“What?!” Cirrus yelled, this time looking at his friends with widened eyes. “That’s not–he didn’t….” He shook his head. “We didn’t hook up.”
No, he can be sure of that because he would definitely remember hooking up with Skylar, no matter how drunk he was. It was impossible– he was pretty sure Skylar had dropped him off at his room and left after listening to Cirrus’ stupid rambling.“Well, it was definitely a very flustered Skylar that I saw coming out of your room. So I think you should check your facts.”Cirrus threw a pillow at Yoochan’s face, and the boy groaned at the hit. “Stop it all of you! I didn’t—”A knock interrupted Cirrus, and Jiwon's smile widened when he peeked through the peephole. He looks back at Cirrus. “Speaking of the devil.”Oh God, Cirrus’ head was about to explode.Jiwon opened the door and welcomed a very groomed Skylar. His hair was styled back, and he looked freshly shaven. He already had his dress pants and a white shirt on with the first buttons undone. Fuck, now Cirrus wished they had hooked up yesterday.Skylar politely greeted everyone and sat down next to Yoochan. When his eyes fell on Cirrus, he gave him a kind smile and slightly nodded. Cirrus was too flustered with the mental image going on in his head to reciprocate, so he went back to his rested position on the edge of the bed.There’s a solemn silence, and the boys are holding their laughter, looking back and forth from Cirrus to Skylar. Cirrus clenched his fists, while Skylar looked around the room, confused.“Why is every—” Skylar began but couldn’t finish when Yoochan interrupted him.“Oh! I just remembered Chan-il asked me to grab some stuff for him,” Yoochan stood up and quickly left the room, the rest following him, making stupid excuses to (clearly) leave Skylar and Cirrus alone. Well, not completely alone given that Chan-il is still in the bathroom writing his vows.They weren’t even close to being convincing. Jiwon even winked at Cirrus, to which he reciprocated by showing him his middle finger.Why was Cirrus friends with these people again?Skylar looked at the last of them leave the room, confused. “What just happened?”Cirrus sighed, there’s no going around the bush with this one. “They think we hooked up.”Skylar gasped, his eyes wide opened and a light pink invading his cheeks. “What? Why would they think that?”“They saw you leaving my room this morning,” Cirrus looked up at him, Skylar let out an “ Oh ”, his eyes suddenly looking at his feet. “Did you… did you sleep over, or is Yoochan officially going insane?” he tried to lighten the mood, but Skylar pressed his lips together, flustered.“I did,” he answered plainly.Cirrus raised an eyebrow. “Care to elaborate?”Skylar shrugged. “I was tired and had a headache. I lied down a bit and accidentally fell asleep.”Cirrus squinted his eyes. Liar. He can’t even look him in the eyes.
“That’s it?” Cirrus immediately felt stupid to even ask. His heart had been racing so fast the moment Skylar entered the room. It was stupid but he had to know… he had to know if they were really done.“What else is there?” Skylar sounded serious, his hands fidgeting.
Cirrus could see how he was fighting internally. In the past, he would have reached out to him and held him. Now, a high, invisible wall between them stopped them from being honest with each other.Cirrus turned his head away from Skylar, frustration invading his body. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, but Cirrus could guess they were both holding their tongues.He sighed. Well, what was one more humiliation? Cirrus let his gaze fall on Skylar, who sat there with a tense posture and lowered head.“What I said yesterday… about you leaving,” he started, and Skylar tilted his head to him, his eyes wide. “I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, it’s just that I’ve always wondered, you know? Everything was kind of sudden.”Skylar frowned, and Cirrus knew he also remembered it all too well. Cirrus knew that their relationship wasn’t perfect– it never had been. They had had an awful start, Cirrus had been horrible to Skylar and even with that, they somehow managed to make it work, for six goddamn years. That’s more than a whole lot of marriages last.They had their ups and downs, like every other couple. When they broke up, it had been at a time when they were both in tough spots. Cirrus had been offered a job that meant he would have to work overseas, and Skylar had just received a promotion at his job. Their paths weren't aligning anymore, and the toll that stress took on them was greater than Cirrus could have imagined. Neither of them wanted to give up their careers; it almost felt like they were giving up, and he remembers how that made him even angrier.In the end, Cirrus figured it out too late. The same day he turned the job down, he went home only to find Skylar packing all of his things. He begged, and then demanded an explanation, but he knew there was none. Life was just difficult sometimes, and he realised it as he saw Skylar leaving their home and never turning back.Many questions were left unanswered that had lingered in his mind for a long time, and only inebriated had he found the strength to ask them. But now he needed to know the whole truth, even if Skylar seemed defensive about bringing those memories back.The brunette pressed his lips together, a crease on his forehead. He raised his brown eyes to Cirrus, expressionless. “It wasn’t working anymore.”Cirrus agreed. “It wasn’t.”Skylar shrugged. “So I guess that answers your question then. I… I decided to leave to spare us more pain.”“You hurt me when you left,” he admitted, to his own shame. That feeling intensified when he tasted the possibility that he might have been the one to feel hurt by their breakup. Skylar seemed uncomfortable, but Cirrus couldn’t figure him out more than that.Cirrus fought the rational part of his brain that told him to shut up before it was too late. “Look, I know we were far from perfect, but I guess… I guess it was hard for me because I was willing to fight… for us. And it hurt me when I realised you weren’t.”He closed his eyes, grabbing the bridge of his nose. Fuck, he couldn’t face Skylar; his face was burning in shame for the sentimental words he had just blurted out. He was about to leave when a soft sniff came from the other side of the room, and Cirrus lifted his head quickly. Skylar’s hands were partly covering his face, wiping away small tears. Cirrus stood up and hastily moved beside him, his eyes wide. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”“No,” Skylar said, his voice hoarse. “I understand. I wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry,” he stood up, and Cirrus followed him. “I should have never come here; it just stirred—”Skylar couldn’t finish because Cirrus had already locked their lips together, his hands cradling Skylar's face, wiping away the remaining tears while their mouths moved in a shared rhythm. Cirrus could taste Skylar’s surprise, but the boy slowly eased into the kiss, gripping Cirrus’ hair with such force that it made him groan. It was messy; their tongues were fighting each other passionately. It was a kiss charged with frustration, pain, angst… love.It was all that Cirrus had wanted since he saw Skylar by the swimming pool yesterday. It was all he had wanted for four years.But all dreams end, and Skylar suddenly pushed him so hard that he almost fell back. Cirrus widened his eyes in surprise, his cheeks burning at the sudden rejection. Skylar looked at him in amusement while he shook his head lightly. He cleaned his lips, and Cirrus’ heart broke a bit more.“I’m sorry. I-I can’t,” he whispered, his eyes on the floor. Skylar left the room the same way he had left their home four years ago, with Cirrus’s heart in his hands.
Cirrus could feel the tears forming in his eyes, his vision blurry, his fists clenched so hard it started to hurt.A door opened behind him, and Chan-il left the bathroom with a concerned expression on his face. Cirrus saw his friend stepping forward, clearly with the intention of comforting him, but he stopped him in his tracks.“Did you write the vows?” he asked, swiftly wiping away the tears.“Yes,” his friend said in a sad voice.Cirrus flashed him a smile. A fake one. “Good.”
Yeon Skylar
Skylar was already packing his stuff when an invisible force stopped him in his tracks. He closed his eyes and slammed his hands to his face. Oh God, what was he even doing? He was running away, again.
The worst thing was, he had completely lost track of the reason he was there in the first place. He felt awful; after all, Skylar was there to celebrate his friends’ happiness, to wish them a long, fulfilled life together, the kind of life he had wanted for himself once.Skylar might be oblivious to many things, but he knew he couldn’t run away this time. So, he dropped his suitcase and threw himself on the bed, with his face buried in the pillow, staying there for a few minutes.Flashes of Cirrus’ lips crossed his mind, and before he could do anything else, he tried to distract himself by washing his face. He grabbed his suit and put it on before looking at himself in the mirror; his lips seemed a bit swollen, but not enough for other people to notice; and he wore a worried expression.His mind was still replaying what had happened moments ago. No matter how many times Skylar wet his face, his thoughts were almost in a loop, going back to the kiss.He had panicked. Skylar wasn’t expecting Cirrus to do that at all, much less the fact that he discovered himself wanting it as much as the other boy did. For a brief moment, Skylar was back in his early twenties, shoved against a wall with Cirrus’ hand gripping his hair and thousands of kisses plastered all over his face. Then he returned to reality, a reality where they had hurt each other enough already.Skylar knew he wouldn’t be able to take his mind off this, so he grabbed his camera and left his room. He would take photos until his mind forgot about Baek Cirrus again, just like last time.
***
The wedding ceremony had been beautiful, and Skylar didn’t expect anything less from Chan-il and Ri-in. The fresh smell of flowers flooded the place, and the quiet sound of the waves crashing on the sand added a more magical atmosphere. They had said their vows with the sun gracefully setting behind them and the vast ocean as a witness.Skylar found himself useful and took pictures of almost the entirety of the ceremony, trying to ignore the side glances from the official wedding photographer. It was a bit funny though; after the first few pictures he took, he noticed that the same silvery hair appeared in every one of them. Skylar had given up after a while and resorted to taking candid photos of either the beautiful wedding setting around them or of Cirrus whenever he was too distracted to notice.Cirrus was wearing a suit that embraced his body perfectly, and his hair was slicked back in a way that somehow made his emerald eyes shine bright pink. Skylar had gulped when he first saw him at the ceremony and made sure that Cirrus didn’t find him among the crowd; he preferred to remain invisible rather than cause more trouble for him. For both of them.Now they were at the wedding banquet. Skylar had left the ceremony half an hour ago to get some air and smoke a bit, only to come back to Chan-il and Ri-in covered in cake, laughing.Skylar chuckled with them, and he was about to sit down at one of the more hidden tables when he heard someone yell his name. “Skylar!” Jiwon waved his hand at him from across the venue. “Come! I saved you a place!”The rest of the table turned to him, and it wasn’t a surprise that the other boys, including Cirrus, were sitting there. Cirrus immediately shifted his eyes away from Skylar, his jaw clenched, while the boys shared complicit smiles and giggled like little children.Skylar sighed; it was more than evident what they were doing. They really couldn’t let them catch a break, huh?He walked awkwardly to the table and sat down in the only available seat, which happened to be next to Cirrus. Before Skylar could turn to face him, a hand gripped his shoulder.“Where the hell have you been, man?” Jiwon greeted him. “We almost believed the ocean had swallowed you.” I wish , he thought.Skylar motioned to the camera hanging from his neck. “I was just taking some pictures of the ceremony.”“You really can’t help it, huh? You've been the same since high school,” Yoochan smiled at him. “I bet they’re amazing. Can I see them?”“No,” Skylar said promptly, and everyone looked at him puzzled. He cleared his throat. “They are not ready yet. I… like to edit them before I show them to people.”Yoochan nodded and went back to his previous conversation with Ji-gyeom, and the rest did the same. Skylar remained silent, his mind blurring the voices around him. Suddenly, he could feel the warmth radiating from the body beside him, embracing him, his perfume invading his nostrils. Skylar took a deep breath before he turned to Cirrus.“Hey,” he said, and the boy turned to him with a death glare. Skylar gulped; well, he definitely deserved that.He continued. “I-I’m really sorry… about earlier. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”Cirrus pressed his lips together. “You don’t have to do that.”“Do what?” Skylar frowned, confused.“Apologise,” he stated in a flat tone. “I don’t know why I did that; I should be the one apologising.”“Well… are you sorry?” Skylar asked.“No,” he replied, his arms crossed.Skylar could feel his heart flutter. “I’m—”Before he could finish, a voice came from the speakers. “…Now I would like to invite the best man, Baek Cirrus, to say a few words.” All eyes shifted to the boy beside him, and Cirrus scrunched his face, letting his head fall. Skylar could hear a whispered “ fuck .”Oh God, he completely forgot about the speech. Skylar held his laughter, and Cirrus looked at him angrily. He tried to compose himself.In a matter of seconds, Cirrus stood up with a confident smile and walked to the microphone. All the eyes settled on him. Skylar tried to ignore the hungry eyes that followed him; he clenched his fist unconsciously.Cirrus tapped the microphone a few times before leaning into it. “So, uhm, bad news is I might or might not have forgotten to write down this speech. The good news is that you’ll be able to hear a completely improvised speech from me where I might or might not spill the darkest and funniest secrets of my good friend Chan-il.” Laughter erupted in the venue, and Chan-il protested with a smile from his seat.Skylar looked at him completely dumbfounded as Cirrus spoke, his confidence unwavering. He couldn’t catch everything he was saying as his thoughts were elsewhere, his mind only focused on the tall figure behind the microphone.“If you know me as well as Chan-il and Ri-in do, you might know that sometimes I make very selfish decisions that bring rather chaotic consequences. Well, a short story here, but when we were in high school, I was actually the one who introduced these two for a very selfish reason–” Cirrus hesitated, his eyes suddenly finding Skylar before he turned to the bride and groom. “I wanted the attention of someone who had a crush on Chan-il,” Cirrus gulped, and Skylar widened his eyes in shock. “As I said, a very selfish reason, but now I can surely say that out of all the stupid, egotistical decisions I’ve made, bringing you two together was the best possible result. And I’m more than happy that you have found comfort and love in each other’s arms.”Cirrus lifted his glass with a big smile. “For Chan-il and Ri-in,” he said, and everyone repeated.“For Chan-il and Ri-in,” Skylar whispered, drinking the full glass. His gaze was lost, processing the words he had just heard.
***
Cirrus was avoiding him.
Skylar sipped his drink while he rhythmically tapped his feet against the floor, his eyes fixed on the figure across the room. Cirrus was talking to who Skylar believed were Ri-in’s parents. The lady affectionately pinched Cirrus's cheek, prompting a wide grin from him. Skylar could only roll his eyes at the display.As he saw the older boy excusing himself and heading to the bathroom, Skylar followed him closely, pulling Cirrus into a cramped closet stocked with cleaning supplies. Swiftly locking the door behind them as emerald eyes stared at Skylar in astonishment."What—" Cirrus began, but Skylar interrupted him sternly“Was that true?” he demanded. “You really did all that?”“As I said,” Cirrus tried to go past Skylar, but the brunette stopped him. “A very stupid decision,” he said, looking down at him.Skylar squinted at him. "What was the point? To have me all to yourself?"Cirrus scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry, it didn't work out at all. After you found out they were dating, you told me you would never fall in love again, remember? My plan backfired, so you can be at peace now."“But it didn’t, because I did fall in love again. With you,” Skylar stated, his words leaving his mouth before he could stop them.Even in the dim light of the enclosed space, Skylar saw Cirrus hesitate for a moment. "I guess it doesn't matter now, does it?"The brunette frowned, grappling with confusion. "It does, Cirrus. I—I didn't know you did that just because of me. I mean, what other kinds of crazy things did you do?"A sly smile tugged at the side of Cirrus' mouth. "I wouldn't even know where to start," he said, and Skylar let out a deep breath. "What? It's not like you didn't know I was a bit fucked up. Actually, not a bit, very fucked up. I don't blame you at all, Skylar; leaving is probably the best thing you did. I completely understand why you fell out of love with me."“Asshole,” he blurted out, his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you anymore… I left because I loved you too much.” His hands found their way to Cirrus’ shirt, and he was firmly pressing him against the wall. “We were dancing on thin ice, and we were fighting… a lot. I just couldn’t bear it, Cirrus. We were destroying each other.”There was a moment of silence before Cirrus grabbed his hands. "We weren't—""We were. It was not only about the jobs; it was everything else, but still," Skylar paused, memories flooding back that he had long locked away. "You deserved that job, and I deserved that promotion. Life was just against us, like it always had been. I-I panicked, and I was just too afraid that you would wake up one day and realise that your life was better without me. So I was the first to leave, before you could do it and shatter my heart and soul to pieces."Skylar was breathing heavily; he hadn't noticed, but he could feel his chest rising and falling. Cirrus looked shocked, his mouth agape while his eyes were fixed on Skylar, dumbfounded."Skylar," he started, his tone soft. "The day you left, I rejected that damn job."“What?” he questioned.
Cirrus nodded. “I realised that I didn’t care about it. I just wanted to be with you. It didn’t matter to me if I was a fisherman or a librarian my whole life. I just wanted to be with you. ”Skylar breathed out, frustration rising inside him. Suddenly, he wished he had a time machine so he could go back and correct all of their mistakes. He gulped; it was too much. He thought about all those times he felt insecure around Cirrus, those times he believed that Cirrus deserved something better… someone better. It had all been a misunderstanding, miscommunication. Oh God, they could have saved each other from so much pain if they had just talked. It was so pathetic.
"So we misunderstood everything, then," he stated, his heart about to jump off his chest.Cirrus grabbed him by his nape, closing the gap between their faces. "We did. Such a shame."Skylar gulped. "Shut up now," he said before lunging forward, locking their lips together with the same intensity they had earlier in the day. Their bodies rubbed against each other in the small space of the closet, their legs intertwining while their mouths danced. Skylar's fingers found their way to Cirrus' hair, the soft strands slipping through his grasp. He became hyperaware of subtle details surrounding them, those same details he had missed dearly—the soft fabric of Cirrus's shirt against his fingertips, the subtle heat radiating from their entangled bodies, and the intoxicating scent of their mouths crashing together.Skylar needed to catch his breath for a second. He detached himself from the other boy only to find a very flustered Cirrus. A smirk played on Skylar's lips. "Baek Cirrus, how about going out with me?" he asked, echoing the words from all those years ago."Only if you promise to never run away again," Cirrus responded.Skylar shook his head; even the words felt unreal. "I promise."
***
That same night, Skylar found himself lying down next to Cirrus, watching him sleep with their legs intertwined beneath the sheets. He gently traced his fingers through Cirrus's hair, down his back, and back up to his face. Skylar carefully traced the distinctive angles of Cirrus's face, savouring the softness of his lips, until the sun began to rise. Eventually, Cirrus opened his eyes, finding Skylar watching him intently.The brunette smiled. “I can’t believe you told everyone I had a huge crush on Chan-il in high school.”Cirrus rolled his eyes. “You owed me one.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Baek Cirrus
A few years back, Cirrus bought a wedding ring. Crafted from lustrous gold, its surface was so smooth and unblemished he could see his own reflection on it. It exuded elegance and discretion. And Cirrus found himself smiling wide at the possibility of sliding the ring onto his then-boyfriend’s finger.He kept the ring in a velvet box tucked away in the last drawer of their closet, a place where it couldn’t be easily found. Cirrus had been waiting for the perfect moment to pop the question, and even as the months passed and Cirrus continued his life as normal, the presence of the ring lingered in his mind daily. It’ll happen anytime now, he’d thought.But then, everything went to shit in a matter of seconds. Suddenly, he was single again, with a hidden wedding ring in their—his—closet and a broken heart. He should have thrown the damn thing away, but Cirrus just left the ring in its place and never touched it again. He would pretend it didn't exist, much like he pretended not to care about Yeon Skylar.Yeon Skylar. His Skylar. Cirrus never realised how lonely he had felt the last few years had been without Skylar. Now that he had him back, he vowed never to let him go again.He had a wedding ring for that, still hidden in the same place. Waiting.Cirrus looked at Skylar sleeping by his side, with a wide smile on his face, one of those smiles he used to roll his eyes at. He pressed a soft kiss to Skylar’s lips, then slowly moved to his cheek, his eyes, his forehead, his tousled hair, and every inch of his face. Skylar stirred, his eyes fluttering open.
“What are you doing?” he asked with a smirk, his voice still hoarse from sleep.Cirrus continued planting kisses on Skylar’s face. “Kissing you,” he whispered tenderly."You woke me up," Skylar remarked, still as he received every peck."Hm, I did," Cirrus replied, ignoring his boyfriend’s words as he kept on. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his face and pressed his cheeks. Skylar moved forward, positioning himself on top of Cirrus."You must pay for that," Skylar whispered, his voice tinged with playful menace, as he leaned in, capturing Cirrus's lips with his own. Cirrus melted into the kiss, feeling the warmth of Skylar's hands on his face, the sensation sending a thrill coursing through his body. His fingers instinctively found their way into Skylar's hair, holding onto him as if afraid to let go.After a few minutes into their making out session, Cirrus felt Skylar’s hardness rubbing against his stomach. He smiled triumphally. “Someone woke up hungry, huh?” he whispered, lightly pressing his hand against his cock. “Was yesterday not enough for you, Sky?”"Oh god, shut up—"
Skylar muttered, his protest cut short by Cirrus’s phone ringing on the bedside table. With a groan, he reached out to grab it, still pinned beneath Skylar's body. He rejected the call, tossing the phone aside."Who was it?" Skylar murmured into his ear, his lips trailing kisses along his neck as Cirrus's hand ventured beneath his trousers."I don't know," Cirrus replied as he fondled Skylar's hardness, eliciting a moan from him.And then, the phone rang again.
Good god.
Cirrus fumbled to locate the phone, rolling his eyes when he saw the name on the screen.
Ri-in and her cockblocking abilities were really something. Cirrus grunted as he rejected the call for the second time, while Skylar still moaned in his ear.The phone rang once more, and Cirrus cursed under his breath. “Fuck!”Skylar stood up and frowned at him, visibly irritated. “Answer it,” he ordered. “It might be something important.”“But—” Cirrus attempted to protest, but Skylar cut him off, grabbing his shirt from the floor and heading to the bathroom. Cirrus watched him go, still hard, with the persistent ringing of his phone echoing in his hand.With a resigned sigh, he accepted the call. “What is it?”“Oh, wow. Someone woke up in a mood today,” Ri-in’s voice came through the phone, and Cirrus rolled his eyes.“No, actually. I didn’t,” he retorted. Cockblocker , Cirrus thought bitterly.“Well, I was just calling you to see if you had any plans for your birthday tomorrow,” she continued.Cirrus grabbed his temples. Oh right, his birthday. He’d turn twenty–nine tomorrow, and he completely forgot about it.
“Not really,” he replied. a pang of uncertainty creeping into his voice. Did Skylar remember his birthday? It had only been two months since they started dating again, and they had both silently agreed to take things slow this time. Things had been great so far, but sometimes Cirrus couldn't shake off the lingering insecurity. Did Skylar feel as intensely for him as he once did?
Instantly, guilt washed over Cirrus. He knew Skylar well – his boyfriend wasn't one to easily showcase his emotions. It was part of his personality, and Cirrus loved him for it. But sometimes, just sometimes, he needed that reassurance.“You’re not throwing a party?” Ri-in inquired, pulling Cirrus out of his thoughts.Cirrus scoffed. “When have I ever thrown a birthday party for myself?”“Well, you’re almost thirty. You should enjoy wild birthday parties as long as you can,” she teased.“Did you just call me old?” Cirrus retorted as the bathroom door opened, and Skylar emerged, dressing up for the day. Well, there goes the morning sex , he thought ruefully.“Yes, I guess I did,” Ri-in replied unbothered as Skylar left the room.
“You’re the same age as I am… And I will be twenty-nine, not thirty .”Laughter erupted through the phone, and Cirrus frowned. “God, Cirrus, I swear it's too easy to mess with you sometimes,” Ri-in chuckled. “Anyway, tomorrow you and I, birthday brunch. Same place as every year.”“Alright,” he accepted, finally standing from the bed and stretching his arms. “See you then, Ri-in. Bye.”“Bye, old man,” she teased before hanging up.Cirrus placed his phone on the bedside table, dressing up as he made his way to the kitchen. He greeted Lumpy, patting his head. He looked over at Lumpy’s food plate; it was full. Skylar must have already prepared food for him when he left the room.They didn’t live together yet. It had been so easy to transition from college roommates to having their own apartment back then; it felt natural. But now they were two fully grown adults with lives of their own, independent of each other. Cirrus would never dare to ask Skylar to move in with him again, not after what happened last time.It seemed inevitable that they would live together again someday, but they weren't ready just yet. At least, Cirrus sensed that Skylar wasn't.He found his boyfriend in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in hand as he looked at his phone, already dressed for work. Skylar lifted his head to him and gave him a small smile. “What did Ri-in want?”Cirrus sat on one of the kitchen island chairs. “How do you know it was Ri-in?”“Who else would call you this early in the morning?” Skylar replied with an obvious tone.“Hm, she is a pain in the ass sometimes,” Cirrus muttered as he stole Skylar’s cup and took a sip, the coffee waking up his senses. “She just wanted to know if I had any plans for my birthday tomorrow.”Cirrus eyed Skylar’s reaction carefully. His boyfriend didn't appear surprised, and he smiled back at him. However, Cirrus noticed his hand twitch for a moment, and his throat swallow. He was nervous. Or Cirrus was perhaps deluded.“Do you?” Skylar asked, taking the cup back from Cirrus’s hand.
“Nope.”Skylar laughed, a bit louder than normal. He took his phone and his key while he walked to Cirrus, he kissed his cheek. “I gotta go to work. Leave the night open tomorrow. I got a surprise for you.”“Alright,” Cirrus said with a big smile. “You owe me one, remember?”Skylar bit his lip, and Cirrus almost melted at the sight. “You’ll have your birthday gifts tomorrow,” he whispered into Cirrus’s ear, patting Lumpy’s head before grabbing his coat and leaving Cirrus’s flat, calling out “Bye” as he went.Cirrus was left with a half-empty cup of coffee and a semi-hard erection. He felt relieved, though. Skylar did remember his birthday.
***
“I think I wanna ask him to marry me,” Cirrus uttered as he watched Ri-in choking on her latte at his words. “No, I’ll definitely ask him to marry me.”Ri-in turned red as she coughed, and Cirrus watched her with a funny expression. “What?!” is all she managed to say when she finally recovered.“I will ask Skylar to marry me,” he repeated, a light blush appearing on his cheeks. “But I don’t know if Skylar is ready yet. How the hell are you supposed to know if the other person is ready?”“Are you ready?” Ri-in questioned.“Yes. Since before we broke up,” Cirrus replied without hesitation.“Well… Cirrus, I don’t know. I didn’t propose so you’d have to ask Chan-il,” she said, a smile tugging at her lips. “But I’m really happy for you. I’ve always known you and Skylar were going to end up together, no matter what.”“Thanks, Ri-in,” he said, taking another bite of his birthday pancakes.Sometimes Cirrus was shocked at how they had gone back to normal after four years of no contact. It almost felt as if they had taken a short break and in no time were back together. It definitely didn't feel like four years had passed.
And now, even with Cirrus’s annoying insecurities. He somehow knew that Ri-in was right. He and Skylar were always destined to end up together.
“I have a confession to make, though. And I’m only telling you this because it’s your birthday and I know how much you hate surprises,” Ri-in continued. Cirrus furrowed his eyebrows. “Chan-il wouldn’t listen to me, but you know how he gets whenever he has an idea.”“What is it?”“He’s— well, I guess we are all throwing you a surprise birthday party tonight,” Ri-in explained. “Just don’t tell Chan-il and act surprised. He’s so excited about his first friend turning thirty.”“Twenty-nine,” Cirrus corrected with gritted teeth. Then, he remembered what Skylar had told him this morning. Was this the surprise that Skylar was talking about? A bit of disappointment washed over him; he’d hoped they’d spend the night together… alone. In a place where Cirrus felt comfortable enough to (perhaps, if he was feeling brave enough) propose. “Does Skylar know about this?”“I think so,” she replied. “I mean, Chan-il basically organised it all. He must have told Skylar about it.” Oh . “It’s alright,” Cirrus said, taking another bite, not really knowing what to say.Ri-in flashed a smile at him, grabbing his hand and pressing it. “Happy birthday, Baek Cirrus.”Cirrus lifted his second cup of coffee of the day. “Happy birthday to me.”
***
Yeon Skylar
"Oh, I can’t believe it! Thank you so much!" Cirrus exclaimed as he greeted everyone in the room with a wide smile. Skylar glanced at his with a funny expression. Such a bad actor, he thought as his boyfriend continued his act.If anyone else bought his fake surprise. They didn’t know Baek Cirrus at all.But everyone else seemed proud. Skylar rolled his eyes. Chan-il had invited their whole friend group and their significant others, who ended up inviting more friends over, which ended up with nearly thirty people in a medium-sized flat.
Skylar took another sip of his drink, scrunching his nose in distaste. Oh, god. He hated alcohol. But it seemed the only thing now that seethed his nerves.
He finally mustered the courage to approach Cirrus, noting the light in his boyfriend's eyes when he saw him. Skylar couldn't help but smile even wider."You need to polish your acting skills," he greeted, giving Cirrus a quick peck on the lips, aware of the eyes still on them."You noticed, huh?" Cirrus replied, and Skylar chuckled.“Let me guess. Did Ri-in tell you?”
"What are you, Sherlock Holmes?" Cirrus quipped back, nodding. "But yes, she told me about it over brunch.""Hm," Skylar hummed, his nerves still unsettled as he sipped more from his drink. Iugh.Cirrus raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t say anything about the fact that Skylar was drinking for the first time in years. "What about you? You told me you had many birthday gifts for me.""I already gave you your gift this morning," Skylar muttered, gripping his drink tightly."Yep, best birthday sex I've had in my life."Skylar rolled his eyes. "I meant the Kindle I got you," he nudged Cirrus playfully. "You are such a pervert."Cirrus tangled in his, causing Skylar's pulse to quicken as he looked at him. "Cirrus," he started, and Cirrus turned his gaze to him. "Actually, tonight. I was hoping to—"Suddenly, something wedged between them, embracing them by the neck. Chan-il reeked of alcohol and wore a silly smile on his face. "Happy birthday again, man. I can't believe you're thirty now!" he said, leaning his head on Cirrus's shoulder."Twenty-nine," Skylar corrected, his heartbeat steadying. Cirrus met his eyes and mouthed " Thank you. ""How is it that I just arrived and you're already drunk?" Cirrus questioned, steadying his wobbling friend."You were running late so Ri-in and I did a few drinking games… she won, of course," Chan-il said with a pout.Cirrus shook his head. "Of course she did.""Whatever. You," he signaled at Cirrus. "And you," this time at Skylar. "Are going to get absolutely wasted tonight, you hear me? No getting out of this one."Chan-il grabbed Cirrus's hand and practically dragged him to the kitchen, where all the alcohol was. Cirrus glanced back at Skylar with an apologetic gaze. The brunette sighed deeply. Get your shit together, Skylar. It's his birthday , he told himself as he unconsciously took another sip of his drink, this time not feeling the distaste.
***
Skylar might have been lying when he said he disliked alcohol because, hell, he felt so good right now.He was laughing hysterically at something he saw on his phone when Cirrus appeared behind him, taking him by the shoulders, studying his demeanour. Skylar threw his arms around his boyfriend, kissing him deeply in the middle of the living room. Fuck, Skylar was definitely drunk.“What do you think you’re doing?” Cirrus asked, a frown forming on his forehead, and Skylar lifted his hand to his face, soothing the creases.“Kissing you,” he whispered, returning his words from yesterday morning.Cirrus laughed. “I can’t believe this. You’re drunk.”“Duh,” Skylar said in an obvious tone as he continued to trace Cirrus’s face.“How much did you drink?” Cirrus inquired. “And why have you been spending my birthday party with everyone except me?”Skylar gulped, biting his lip as he looked at Cirrus with guilt. “I don’t know,” he replied, the words coming short. Skylar could see Cirrus's face fall as he opened his mouth to say something, and he closed it again.
Instead, Cirrus lowered his head, sighing. He threw Skylar’s arm around his shoulders. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.”“No! What are you talking about? It’s your birthday party!” he protested.“Everyone else is plastered. Let’s go,” he insisted as he dragged him across the flat. Skylar let himself be basically carried as Cirrus directed him outside, not before giving a quick thank you to Chan-il and Ri-in, who were snuggling on a couch. Skylar looked around the room. Yep, everyone was plastered.When they were finally outside, the cold greeted them harshly. Even with his coat on and all the alcohol in his system, Skylar felt as if he was freezing, and he grabbed onto Cirrus tighter, looking for the warmth of his body.His boyfriend inspected him as they continued to walk. “I can’t believe you got this drunk at my birthday party.”Skylar shrugged. “Not my fault, I was nervous,” he replied without thinking.“You? Nervous? Why?” Cirrus inquired quickly, and Skylar looked at him strangely. “What? Did something happen? Did you see someone? Did you see your ex? Did Chan-il invite your ex to my birthday party?”He was spiralling. Skylar shook his head, not understanding what the other boy was even talking about. “No, it wasn’t any of that.”“So why did you get this drunk?” Cirrus asked, vulnerability pouring from his eyes. Skylar’s heart scrunched. “Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong? You can tell me, Sky. I swear I didn’t mean to finish your cereal the other day. I—”“Marry me,” Skylar said, feeling instantly sobered up. Cirrus's words got caught up in his throat as he eyes Skylar in utter shock. They stayed silent for a few minutes. The loud beating of his heart was the only thing Skylar could hear.
“What?” Cirrus said slowly.“Marry me,” he repeated. “I know I’m drunk, and this is the worst possible way to do this… but marry me, please .”“I— What is going on?”“I was hoping to ask you tonight,” Skylar said, remembering how he had planned this day since the minute they had basically gotten back together. “I had planned a nice dinner at your flat, and I was going to ask you today, on your birthday, the perfect day. But then Chan-il called me in the morning and told me he had planned a surprise party for you, and I didn’t know what to say because they had it all planned out already, but it was not fair because I was going to ask you to marry me today.”Skylar knew was blabbering, but he stood straighter, breathing hard. “That’s why I was so nervous tonight. I hoped to ask you after the party, but I underestimated how nervous I’d be. Proposals are really scary, did I ever tell you that?”Cirrus was still shocked, looking at Skylar dumbfounded. “I…” he started, but his words got stuck again.Skylar pulled the ring out of his coat pocket, building up the courage as he opened the box to show it to Cirrus. The only reason he didn’t get on one knee was that there was some alcohol left in his system, even if the cold and his confession had almost sobered him up.“Baek Cirrus. Will you—”It was then that Cirrus finally reacted. “No!” Skylar’s heart stopped. “I mean, yes! But— you were not supposed to— you were not supposed to do this.”“What? Why?”“I was—,” Cirrus paused, breathing heavily. “I– I didn’t think you’d ask. I didn’t think you were ready,” Skylar breathed in relieved, smirking at Cirrus’s nervous demeanour. It was cute. “I bought a wedding ring for you five years ago. I was ready– I was so ready to pop the question once we got back together but I didn’t know if you were ready .”Skylar chuckled. “You’re the loser. I bought this ring six years ago. So it’s my right to be the one to as… Baek Cirrus, will you marry me?”“You bought the ring six years ago?”Skylar rolled his eyes. “Will you answer my question? Come on, don’t leave me hanging like this,” he said, grinning. “And yes, I bought it six and a half years ago. And every day since then, I’ve been wanting to marry you.”Cirrus flashed him the widest smile, throwing himself at him and making them fall to the hard floor, with Skylar under him. They laughed silly. “Yes. Yeon Skylar. I’ll marry you.”Their kiss sealed it all.