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Tadej is as competitive on a pair of skis as he is on a bike. With him, even a gentle cross-country skiing tour turns into a fight to the death.Jonas is hurting everywhere and had to crush Tadej to the very comfy sofa with his dead weight to keep him from going out again and having another go at the 10 km trail. And it is only day one of three. Well, it’s my fault, thinks Jonas. If he had wanted a relaxing weekend, he should have found himself another boyfriend.He has just managed to reduce Tadej to an apparent state of inactivity, when the doorbell rings. What business have doors to ring when they are together? Why would anyone want something from them in a kóča in the middle of a Slovenian national park? Jonas makes himself weigh a little bit more, but Tadej springs up, barely containing the energy coming from some mysterious magical source, and Jonas slides sideways and tumbles to the floor, still knackered and now cranky on top of that. He tries to catch Tadej by the ankle to make him pay for his rudeness, but Tadej hops out of reach with an evil laugh and runs to the door. Jonas grimaces, picks himself up and drags himself after Tadej, purely out of spite.There are three children at the door. A girl and two boys, dressed in white, wearing colourful cloaks and a crown on top of their head. His three-second head start means that Tadej is already engaged in a lively conversation with the girl and nobody is expecting Jonas to appear from behind him. The lively conversation dies down as the children, clearly not expecting him, pin him with a curious stare.Jonas offers a feeble Hello. For the life of him, he cannot remember the Slovenian equivalent. Inquisitive children and foreign languages don’t mix well with him. At any rate, the children ignore his attempt at being friendly. The girl looks meaningfully at his hands, then at Tadej’s. Her forehead knots in a frown, before she asks a question he doesn’t understand. He turns to Tadej for a translation, just in time to see his face going from mildly surprised to panicked. The older boy’s face undergoes the same alteration. They both stare at the girl as if she had grown a second head.The question seems to disable Tadej’s legendary silver tongue. Jonas looks in utter bewilderment as he stumbles his way through a couple of words, stops, starts again. All the while the girl looks at him with increasing suspicion. She interrupts Tadej’s blubbering with a gesture of cold authority and says something, whereupon Tadej’s mouth closes shut. He opens it again with considerable effort and out come the croaks again.The girl throws him a pitying look. The older boy takes a step back. The younger boy looks confused, but takes a step back too. The girl whips her head towards them and barks them, literally barks them, into line. The older boy, his face now ashen, shuffles closer to the girl, keeping a close watch of them, as if Tadej and Jonas were dangerous creatures. The young boy copies him, still processing the situation. The girl starts talking to the boys in clipped tones and, even if Jonas is in complete darkness as to what is happening, it is obvious that she is scolding them. The younger one turns to Tadej and Jonas with a question in his eyes. He doesn’t seem as skittish as the older one, who has started whining and looks ready to beat a hasty retreat. The girl whacks him on the head.Tadej is still petrified on the spot, his face very red, and not from the cold. No translation is forthcoming. Without warning, or maybe it’s Jonas that cannot read the signs, the children burst into a song, which is more unsettling than the intense embarrassment felt by all the parties involved, minus the girl. The girl’s voice is clear and carries beautifully over the snow-covered fields. She strongly believes in her mission, Jonas can see that. The younger boy is not quite as skilled, but sings along with enthusiasm, fuelled by the desire to impress the girl. The older boy is plainly faking it and hoping the torture will be over as soon as possible. Tadej shares the sentiment. Jonas is still fumbling in the dark.As soon as the song ends, Tadej bolts and disappears inside the house. Jonas is left at the mercy of the three little carollers. The girl appraises him cooly, the older boy is whispering urgently in her ear and the younger one is waiting for orders. Jonas starts sweating. When he is a step away from breaking down in tears in front of them, Tadej reappears, more dishevelled than after a mountain TT. Wearing a false smile, all teeth and nervousness, he hands the girl a bar of chocolate and what looks like a lot of money. As soon as the donation is transferred into the girl’s hands, the older boy turns around and starts running. The younger one looks between him and the girl and decides that running is acceptable. He runs too.The girl’s mouth turns into a scowl and one doesn’t need to be a language expert to understand that what she is thinking is Boys are idiots. She turns to follow them, thinks better of it, shakes her long hair out of her face and smiles a grownup smile at Jonas and Tadej. “Goooodbyeeee”, she shouts, stretching out the vowels with glee, shapes her fingers into a heart and finally breaks into a run, her golden cloak flapping madly behind her.- Tadej? What did just happen? What did the girl say? Why were the boys so scared?The blush creeps back into Tadej’s cheeks.- I think we should go back inside.Jonas follows him inside. Tadej closes the door, but doesn’t seem intentioned to proceed along the corridor.- Tadej?Tadej stares at Jonas’ feet. Then he blurts out in a rush:- She asked me why we aren’t wearing rings.It takes Jonas a moment for the meaning of the question to sink in, and when it does, a blush to match Tadej’s blooms on his neck.- Oh. But … why would she?- The cottage is her mum’s. Very popular among newlyweds. Or so she told me.- I see. And the boys ...?- She explained it’s OK for boys to marry other boys. They … I don’t think they knew.Jonas recalls the horrified expression on the older boy’s face and cannot stop the nervous laugh crawling up his throat. Newlyweds. Boys marrying boys.- She thought we were …Jonas is not able to finish the sentence. Tadej is not able to either. Jonas clears his throat. Opens his mouth. No sound comes out of it. He tries again.- And did you … did you explain to her why we don’t … I mean … rings … and things …Tadej has evidently a problem with the question. He rocks back and forth on his heels and refuses eye contact. Jonas holds his breath not to spook him, or himself, he doesn’t know. A breath too much could destroy the sudden significance of the moment.- I told her … I told her that I haven’t asked you … yet.It must be the physical exhaustion of the day spent in the snow, because the world tilts sideways. Jonas is suddenly looking at Tadej from the floor. His knees have given out under him. Too much skiing, obviously.- You have … thought about it?Jonas doesn’t quite recognize his own voice, the needy undercurrent it carries. Tadej sits down next to him, flexes his pinkie finger a couple of times and then stretches it until it touches Jonas’. He nods in the general direction of the door. Jonas is determined not to faint. So, he talks.- I think … I think the older person should be the one asking. As a … general rule.- So, you are saying that we … that I … that the younger person in a relationship should wait for the … the …- … proposal, yes.It follows a very long silence. The last word has settled heavily in the pit of their stomachs.- You are a very old-fashioned person, Jonas.- Mm, yes.- So, are you going to ask anytime soon?Jonas has not really thought his grand declaration through. It is very dangerous to make grand declarations to a man like Tadej.- Are you going down on one knee? In front of everyone? Maybe in Paris? That would be romantic! Wait, we’ll be in Nice this year. No, it doesn’t work. Paris is better for romance, right? But then I would have to wait another year … or we can go to Paris afterwards? No, you’ll be mad at me for winning, so let’s skip France. Italy! Venice? What do you think? Full of tourists, yeah. Lake Como is chic, maybe too chic? Trieste! Underrated and very beautiful. There’s a cool castle, I think some poor girl died there of a broken heart or something. No, bad luck.The trick with managing over-hyped Tadej is letting the torrent of words wash over you until you find an opening. Jonas’ head swims for one minute with visions of rings and castles and tripping over in public, before his trained ears catch the slightly hysterical quiver beneath. “Tadej”, he tries to edge a word in.- Better somewhere exotic. A beach? Scratch that, too hot, you get sunburned so easily. What about Denmark? Let’s go to Skagen! You never took me there! Wait, no, if you kneel in the water, it won’t look so good on the pictures. Slovenia, then. I looove Bled, you can propose on a SUP in the summer, it would be so cool. Oh. Maybe we need to practice balancing first.- I think we are too young for marriage.That stops Tadej. Is it relief that Jonas reads in his eyes? Or disappointment?- Oh. OK.Disappointment, with the slightest hint of relief, concludes Jonas.- I don’t like surprises. Big cities. Big crowds. Photographers. Just the two of us, when … the time comes. If you want to propose first, that is. If you really really want it … it’s OK.- Soo … can I make a secret proposal?- Mm, like for a secret engagement?- Engagement sounds cool.- I suppose we can be secretly engaged, yes. Marriage … is a big commitment, don’t you think?- Of course. You don’t feel committed enough?The question is delivered in a careful monotone. “Tadej”. There’s a small spider crossing the expanse of wood between their feet and the door. “Tadej”. The spider is extraordinarily fascinating, Tadej cannot pray his eyes away. Jonas takes his hand and presses it against his heart.- I would marry you this very instant, in another world, another life. If not so many people’s wellbeing depended on our choices.- Are you asking me to wait until we are retired?- Can you wait that long?- Can you?- For you, yes.- You have a way with words, Vingegaard. Always sweet-talking me. Worst thing is I cannot tell anybody because they wouldn’t believe me.The crisis has passed. Jonas feels relieved and sad in equal measure. He knows the power he can exert over Tadej and he hates to use it. He would like to say yes to his every wish. Come to the Giro with me, yes. Move in with me, yes. Marry me, yes. Let’s adopt a baby boa constrictor, yes. Maybe, if girls ruled the world, he would say yes, yes every time. But girls do not rule the world. The older boys do. He is not ready to let them spoil his most precious secret yet. As if on cue, Tadej asks: - The girl was scary, don’t you think? But she slayed it.- Not a doubt about that. How much did you give her?- Not sure. I blacked out a bit there.Jonas starts giggling. He slumps against Tadej, putting his head on Tadej’s shoulder.- Do you think we scarred them for life?- I think so. Boys scar easily.- They do.- But not all of them, right? The little one might turn out all right.- Yes. I hope so.- Care for another round in the snow?- Do you want to marry a corpse?- Killjoy.- If you let me rest for a couple of hours I might be interested in other recreational activities, indoors.- I could be interested, yes. But tomorrow we are doing the 15-km trail.Jonas will say yes to the 15-km trail. He knows how to pick his battles.