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Death, the final destination, the end all be of all of all sentient life. No one sincerely prepares for it unless they are a soldier, or someone knowing they would kick the bucket soon. And even they can’t truly know when a freak accident would come.Unfortunately for me, I was in one of those freak accidents on one particular afternoon.I was there simply walking down the street when I saw a young boy and his group of friends playing rowdily in the street, now being me, this is something I wouldn’t pay attention too. My motto of my life being to steer clear of crowds and keep to oneself, there’s no way to get hurt as long as you don’t interact with others.I may have been just a tiny bit drunk at the time, while feeling groggy, I was also feeling a bit adventurous, who can blame me on a Friday afternoon! As I saw them messing around in the street, I see a truck barreling down the street and then I began to think of a plan then and there.‘Okay all I have to do is push those kids out the way and duck out with them, damn it. Why do they have their headphones on, that’s dangerous as hell. Oh well maybe I can get some compensation for saving their lives after…’ As the man thought this to himself, he begins to put his plan into action.At that moment I began to sprint towards them while flailing my arms to gain their attention, as I see they didn’t notice me or the truck, I opt in to pushing them out the way of the speeding truck.The kids have been successfully pushed out the way in time and the crisis for those kids have been adverted, unfortunately for me, being the dumbass I am thought I was faster than a speeding truck.“Y’know I always thought people in movies and TV shows were stupid when they took a bullet for someone, but now being in their shoes I would like to formally apologize to all of those I called dumb in the past." The man says to utterly no one besides himself.The man right now is currently floating in the middle of an empty space, stars littered around endlessly, ebbing and flowing across the infinite and all the man does is air out his frustrations in an attempt to past the time.'BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE AM I!! I thought I would at least see an angel or demon or something at least, or maybe just an infinite black void where I would sleep for an eternity, but this is just space! Am I really dead…nah there’s no way I’m not. I felt all my bones shattering and breaking into thousands of pieces, the metallic taste of blood was present too, so I’m most definitely dead.... I don’t even have a body either. Just this ephemeral spirit like thing going on with me.' The man tries to confide in himself.‘I ponder throughout my entire life in this instance, wondering if there was sin so great that I committed that I’d be condemned here forever. I wouldn’t however blame God if they put me into purgatory or something worse, looking objectively I was pretty bad in the grand scheme of things, I only paid my own interest in mind every time I performed an action, never once empathizing and only paying attention to what I personally obtained. It’s normal is what I use to delude myself with, that everyone else does it and only saves themselves so why must I begrudge and go out of my way. Thinking of it now I was quite foolish, I always wished that someone would prove me wrong, that someone would go out their way one day to save someone out of the kindness in their heart,’“While busy complaining about no one wanting to step up, I could’ve easily done it and been the change I wanted to see…” He says to himself melancholily.The man thinks to himself reminiscing of his long forgotten past, the days he would be relocated house to house due to being an orphan, the joy of finding a friend he can trust his life with, the despair of losing them. All of it impacted the man’s psyche, to make him someone who doesn’t really care for others, his empathy had disappeared after childhood and only his desire to survive persisted into adulthood.As the man is thinking to himself, he feels as if thousands of eyes have peered into the very essence of his soul in just a moment."𝐁𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐃" The man feels his entire existence being crushed in a millisecond as if he were a mere bug, the voice that was spoken reverberates throughout the entire core of his existence splintering him in place.I began to try to speak only then to realize that I had lost my voice, the fear I feel cannot be replicated, even in death as I felt my life trickling down, I have not felt fear like this ever. This fear is something only a God could produce, not just a fear of Death, a fear of the unknown, of the inconceivable is what I am so acutely afraid of here. For what I’m feeling is something that cannot be tied to the tangible or even the intangible, something more primal, something more extra dimensional than I, has appeared to sunder me.“𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄, 𝐈𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐌𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃. 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒” is what the incomprehensible voice punctures into me.“𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐘, 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐑 𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘, 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐒𝐄. 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄.” The incomprehensible voice bellows out in such a loud roar as if speaking into my very soul.I wish to scream out in protest.
I cannot.
I wish to attack and maim the voice.
I cannot.
I wish to stop the shaking of my soul.
I cannot.
I wish to tell for the voice to leave me alone and let me live.
I cannot.
I wish to comprehend the voice.
I try as I must.For I desire to live.I forcible stop my screaming, I forcibly stop my ephemeral body, I forcibly stop my shaking, I forcibly quell my very own soul’s voice. And then I realize what the voice presented. Could I live, do I desire to live once more, my whole life was nothing but fate’s whim, all I could was hopelessly sail with a broken compass. And this transcendent being is gifting me a choice to live once more.I cannot speak but I must scream out my answer, is the feeling I have that if I don’t answer tis being right in this very second, I will lose this opportunity. I began to sing with my very soul.
IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE IWANTTOLIVE“I…. want…to….live” I struggle out barely.The man manages to scream with his very essence prompting what he feels is an smile from this anomalous entity. As he feels everything numbing due to the mind fracturing pain he is experiencing.“𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐀𝐛𝐲𝐬𝐬/ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐛 𝐨𝐟 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞--/ 𝐎𝐟 𝐧𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐚, 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐢𝐫, 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞,/ 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝/ 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝𝐥𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭,/ 𝐔𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐧/ 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝𝐬,--/ 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐀𝐛𝐲𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐅𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝/ 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞,/ 𝐏𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐠𝐞; 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐡/ 𝐇𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬. ”“𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡, 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐬, 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥.” The voice is as loud as a giant, but as quiet as a whisper.As I feel the space around me contorting my consciousness betrays me and begins to retreat in itself. Though that moment felt like a millennium of suffering, he feels as tranquil as a newborn in this instance as everything around him is surrounded by a blinding light.________________________________________________________________________________________________“Congratulations miss, you’ve given birth to a boy, from the looks of it he seems healthy too!” Was all that I hear before my mind froze at what I thought to be a doctor. If what I heard was true…Nah can't be.There was no way that what I had thought to be real, this only happens to characters in media, stuff like books and shows!Yet but from what I could hear around, with other doctors asking about their patients, told me otherwise, that my previous life was gone. The entity gave me a new life instead of giving me back my own. That thing never did specify where’d I’d be going, and it seems that I will never see my previous world again.My dread only grew as I was handed to a another set of arms. The blurry lights and dust around the area made it hard to see, but I can only guess that this figure would be my mother in my new life.“Mhm, I guess this is just another burden that I will have to take on my load.” The figure that I could only guess as my mother, said a sentence full of apathy and distaste that could only be considered as cold.And with that my consciousness again fizzled out, be it the mental taxation of the experience with the entity, or the mental state of being a new-born or perhaps it was the shock of what I saw and heard coming true.. All I wanted to know was why I was given this choice in the first place.
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Let me be clear, being reborn as a baby sucks, especially in the world I’m in now. I thought at first that I would have to pretend that I’m a toddler to make sure that my parents wouldn’t be suspicious of me, turns out I’m in a post-apocalyptic world where even one’s own mother can’t talk to you very much. My father was no where in sight, I've neglected to ask the fact to that to my mother due to me not really wanting to interact with her, that and it seems like she would not give me answer even if I did question. Me not crying as a child didn’t have much of an impact either since most were looking out for their own skin, the only time I would receive attention would be the people caring for me time to time, from what I’ve heard there’s a virus going around that kills humans very proficiently, its spreads throughout the air and lingers in the environment.…That concerned me at first since if theoretically you were to walk in high density viral zones, …your as good as dead on the spot without treatment. However, the area my mother and I reside in happens to have air filters setup to make sure the virus cannot spread easily and if the virus would spread near our camp, we would move with haste. Since my birth we have moved around 3 times, all different areas.Apparently there are designated zones maintained by a government of sorts that is free from punishing, however apparently they only allow exceptional people or those who are disabled and pregnant.I wonder if this is some type of walking dead thing where people get infected…? I have heard from scavengers while waddling around that they almost got caught by those “things” and if they scratched him, there'd be no way that he could recover from "it" and be screwed.Well.There’s nothing I could do now besides being fed by her. Usually, my mother in this life would be scavenging for food or looking for things to barter and sell, I’ve also overheard her speaking about sending me out when I come of age so she could finally not have to worry about another mouth to feed, so I guess that's something I should prepare for.“Oi! Grigori, you here!” the man yelled out in a thick European accent.That was my name in this life, Grigori, it was reminiscent of a certain Russian man I learned about in the past so I could only guess that my mother had a fascination about Russian history. Either way I don't especially care.I stumble out of my resting area and proceed to crawl to the man.
“HAHAHA! Good my boy, I just know you’ll be smart when you grow up, those who listen and follow get far in life you know!”Speaking of neighbors, this guy takes cares of me the most often, one of my mother’s scavenger buddies, his name was Yefim. I’m pretty sure he’s from Europe with a name like that, but I haven’t heard him speaking any type of Nordic language. At first, I had to gradually ascertain the words they spoke since some of it sounded foreign to me, but perhaps since I have a brain of a child now, I picked up the language of the world faster than I thought. The world I'm in now is pretty strange thinking about it now, well, apart from the obvious outbreak, this world’s timeline doesn’t match up with my previous’s at all. The technology that is widely used is considered dated and old while looking like state-of-the-art equipment with some dust on it.It would be reassuring to know if I wasn’t also flung into the far future too, while also being in a zombie apocalypse but alas, I am 5 years old and there is not much I can really do outside of walking around and overhearing certain things. My mother doesn't allow me to wander around outside very much, less even so interact with others besides Yefim and his gang .Something of note that I've also noticed is my new body, I barely remember now what I'd look like back in my old world, and to be honest most of my memories feel like a blur perhaps its due to my brain being a toddler's now. Although, key events in my once life are still as fresh as yesterday... including my death. Getting back on topic, my skin tone is darker and more tanned from what I could vaguely remember, it could be due to how much I'm outside since due to the living arrangements our fellow scavengers take shelter where we sleep. Also my hair is a bit strange as well, its not like it's not human hair, it just ain't normal, there are spikier ends than normal and seems like something you would see in an anime but less exaggerated. With this quirk of the world, my hair points out at the bottom and Yefim and the other scavengers have taken it upon themselves and already styled it into something akin to a bowl cut. The scavengers really like messing with my hair for some odd reason...Ah yes! Scavenging, something that is everywhere in my daily life. All the people around me belong to the group called Isis. According to what I'd overheard, they're just a bunch of scavengers that band together and invite others so they could survive better, I do agree with safety in numbers, but from the looks of it, Yefim and the 2 other major leaders are barely keeping the entire group from falling apart. It would simply be easier to go off by oneself no?Just a personal belief.However, from what I've counted and heard there are a total of 49 scavengers, 12 elderly folks, and 8 children including me, it has to be a massive hassle to deal with all of them and their needs. I've met the children multiple times due to the adults trying to set up play dates, and me also needing to be babysat since my mother and Yefim are on constant expeditions. The elderly folks are quaint to be around, they have this old knowledge vibe going with them, even if I'm older than I truly am I do admire them and love listening to their stories. The kids on the other hand are plain annoying, always wanting to talk and interact with me for some reason, I've never been good at social interactions and in this life I'm not keen on changing that fact. Especially so in this world, If we're in the apocalypse why would I go out of my way to make connections, I'd thought they out of all would know that death is always around the next corner.While brewing in my own thoughts, Yefim comes and grabs me from behind."GAHHHH" I yelp"HAHAHAHA, why the long face little Grigori, you got rejected by another kid that you wanted to be your friend." Yefim loudly exclaim, chuckling in between his words.This guy. I don't hate him but I seriously dislike how he does this sort of thing, I'm grateful that he takes care of me in place of my true parent. That still doesn't give him the right to surprise me like this!"Hey Yefim, do you know where my mother is?"Usually this question makes him leave or he tries to change the subject and gives me something in return. The last time was more food so I'm hoping he feels a bit more generous today!"Tsk. AH! I mean Anna is just! Don't blame her too much little buddy, I can't ask you to think of it from her view, but just, when the time comes, just hear her out please. Take these biscuits, I'll go get you some water and I'll uhhh.... read you something!Score.I know it's bad using Yefim's emotions like this but who could blame in the apocalypse... old habits do die hard huh. I guess I will keep his words to heart then, it's the least I could do.Once he came back, I tuck myself in and prepare to play the part of a 5 year old once more."Hey little buddy, have you ever heard the tale of Charlemagne?""No... Who is that? His name sounds funny!"Of course I know who Charlemagne is. I took history as a minor in my last life. Through all the blurry memories, my student life still give me trauma... anyways that conqueror unified much of Western Europe."Haha, truly his name is pretty funny. But that's not the point, he was a great conqueror in the far far past. Before the Golden Age, before even the common era, he was there and revolutionized the culture in Western Eurasia." He told me in a fantastical tone."Hmm, what do you mean?""Well you see, bud, before all that he was a Paladin with his pals"Duh, of course he was, there was two things he was famous for, his reign as Karl de Grobe and his running as the paladin Charlegmagne."Why does that matter Yefim?""Hey, hey, let me finish first. Well you see him and his paladins... well they were all kinda goofy in there legends. Roland running across the battlefield naked without his wits, Astolfo literally riding to the moon to recover his cousin's sanity and one of them only has a lance that unhorses anyone who touches it."Heh, yeah a lot of their legends were pretty silly thinking back on it. "But the important part about this is how Charlemagne grew, even if all of his best paladins were inherently silly, they all grew to be fierce warriors and him becoming a great king. Me and your mother won't be here forever, and in this world tomorrow is never guaranteed. Be it the Corr- I mean those things. You will one day go on your lonesome.""How does that relate to Charlemagne and his paladins?" I inquired out of genuine curiosity in the moment, sitting up in my covers and inching closer to him."It matter since in the future, you might have regrets and they will torment you, keeping you up at night and limiting your actions. I told you that story since it doesn't matter what happened to you in the past, what matters is the future, Roland was still a great knight after his sanity was restored to him and became even stronger after. Charlemagne didn't remain just a King of Franks, he became the King of most of Eurasia.""So no matter what in the future or even now, don't let your past cloud your judgement, make sure that you are always looking at everything as is. Observe what only you could see, don't bring in anything else. That what matters the most in this world right now."Yefim finishes his talk with me and leaves me with some water near my bunk. I usually would brush his words off most of the time, in some kind of vain hubris that I posess due to my reincarnation, but maybe since his words felt so familiar to me, to someone who's past life was so stuck to them, that clouds every one of his judgements so thoroughly, I couldn't help but think that maybe he figured me out. Or perhaps he might think I have a grudge against my mother either way, I won't forget something like this. I did say in the perpetual space I would want to be the change I wanted to see right? I'll this once, just this once...._________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Years passed and by the age of 9 I am now a full-blown scavenger looking in ruined buildings, before this my mother came to me and gave me a gas mask and a semi protective suit for kids.To me it just looked like a bunch of rags thrown together with a metal plate tighten on the front, but if what my mother says is true having something is better than nothing.I've been out a couple times with Yefim and her group of scavengers, but this time I'm going with her alone now today, special occasion...?My mother hasn’t come back since this morning so when she comes back and screams for me to get ready, I feel like something isn’t right.“Uhh, where are we going today now” I ask the person who is my biological mother.My mother scanned me up and down looking at my new suit, before speaking.“mhm, We’re going to a low density area to see if we can find some scraps, the area has already been looted before but we’re going to hope that they couldn’t grab all that they wanted."“Alright." As I make myself ready, I make sure to divide the rations evenly so that if we were to stay out for the night, we would be fine.I've put in my backpack and prepare to venture out with her... but lately I've been thinking on how my birth mother thought of me.We barely interacted while I was growing up due to her constant expeditions and even now that I actively go on scavenging trips with her we don't speak unless its required, maybe she just hates me since she never wanted me born or maybe general apathy due to the world we live in… it would phase most other kids of my age but... I learned to deal with things like these in the past.“Oi Brat! Pay attention on our flanks if we get jumped on by any corrupted now, I ain't hesitating to leave ya' ass behind.” She bellowed out at me.“Y-yes I got it” I said startled from being pulled away by my thoughts.I finally heard the name of the zombies of this world a while back, “Corrupted”, no one seems to want to speak about them and I never have enough courage to ask Yefim, or my mother about it since it seems taboo to speak about. Whenever someone brings up the topic they have a solemn look teetering on despair.Maybe they’re not the average run at people brain eaters and are dangerous like in video games. Hmm.Thinking of gaming, there was a game I played on mobile before that seemed pretty similar to this situation I'm in, I didn’t really play through it very much and only focused on the game and not the story, but it seems eerily similar… Nah. There are thousands of concepts in the human mind and no idea is truly one’s own, so it’s probably just a coincidence.“Oi looks here.” My mother speaks as almost in a whisper.She then presents me a couple degraded action figures, books, a few comics and food that she found lying around.“This seems a bit too obvious, this might be a trap... what do you think?” I ask quietly.“WHA-? I mean no you fool, its your birthday today right? I remembered and made sure to bring you out today for this so be grateful. We’re still looking for supplies so keep an eye out still.” As I looked to my mother’s back covered in rags and protective gear, I had a glimpse of her ear which was bright red.
Had I judged her too early? I thought my mother was just like me in a way. Not wanting to interact with induvial due to the trouble it might bring, I had begun to think my mother was actually smart, since it is easy for both of us just to disappear one day....
But hear she was.
Going out her way.
Forging a connection with me that I'd rejected through mine and her life.
I felt silly for a moment and then felt melancholic, like what Yefim said, I was still gripping onto my past life like a vice, I'd promise self to change but what have I done to truly try it.
"HEY BRAT?! WHERE ARE YOU!" My mother yelled out looking for me.
"UH! I'M RIGHT HERE, COMING!!!" I yell back at her with her rushing back to me and grabbing by the hand so I wouldn't be loss.
Before leaving with her, I'd grab my presents and forced them into my bag in a hurry.
The walk back was agonizingly slow since I was carrying both my thoughts and heavy loads of supplies. When we get back to the camp her group comes to greet her.“HAA YEFIM, HIT THE JACKPOT TODAY!!” My mother exclaimed to her friend.The tall European man busted out from his tent and greeted my mother with a handshake.“NICE SHIT ANNA! We’re set for a good month with this and last week’s haul, if we keep things up like this, we might even be able to migrate to a safer area.As the group praises her and Yefim bringing out alcoholic drinks to have a party with. I slink around the crown and retire to my sleeping area.I didn't know what to think about, how I would go forward. My pride being my biggest detriment, I wish to acknowledge her as my mother one day but like a pair of hands wrapping around my neck it strangles me. My past telling me to not get close, telling me to not forget ▇▇▇▇▇▇, that if I do she would disappear, but every time those hands tighten, Yefim comes and tells me to let go, my mother conforming me in its place.Maybe not now.Maybe not in the next year.But I will call her mother one day and establish a connection.And maybe then I will finally let go of my past.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I’ve had 7 birthdays so far since my last so that would make me around 16, I think? Without proper time telling and constantly moving around places its harder to observe the time normally. Without someone expressly telling you.Currently I’m out on another expedition due to my mother wanting to surprise me again, in all honesty she is awful at it, its painfully obvious most of the time, I’m pretty sure this time its something about setting up my birthday and stuff but she said it was because I'm finally getting older and I should fend for myself.....Today I will finally call her mother since in her own words I'm an adult in these wastelands and see what her reaction might be, throughout the years I've been working up my tolerance to see if I could actually do it without cringing or something in the middle, I thought she might’ve hated it at first but I’m starting to think otherwise. Asides from that we moved a couple of times, and I still haven’t seen any corrupted unluckily. Everyone around me calls me the golden child due to not having any encounters with them but I want to at least see what they look like… just for curiosity of course.Once finished up gathering supplies and finding local traders to barter with I’ll go back home to maybe a cake this time, who knows!Once I’ve come back to the small camp, what once what I called my home, transient as it maybe was a sea of flames and the smell of blood proliferating in the air.“Wha-.“I speak in disbeliefThe corrupted had come, they were robots that ranged from small and useless to massive and hulking. No wonder they used dated technology, most technology had been taken over.“N-no, MOTHER!!” I squeak out in panic, the first thought that came to my mind.By the time I'm in the camp its being ravaged by the corrupted, the fire that once brought warmth and comfort into the small camp had been had turn into an inferno devouring both them and their homes. It looks like hell.When I come running through the camp looking for my neighbors, I spot Yefim amidst the chaos fighting off the corrupted with a hunting rifle."YEFIM! WHERES MY MOTHER, WHERE IS THE REST OF THE GROUP!?!" I screamed out."KID! GET OUT OF HERE IT'S NOT SAFE, JUST LEAVE AT THIS POINT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING." He screams out in desperation.As I'd move to try and save him another corrupted had already snuck from behind him and pierced him through the chest.In that moment my heart dropped, I couldn't speak another word, all I could do was stand still frozen in fear and shock. Only when Yefim spoke I could finally snap out of my hypnosis."r-run you foolish brat, if anyone should live, it should be you" He musters out with the last of his breaths, I knew by the the sounds of his voice that the corrupted machine had pierce his lungs.By the time I registered his sentence, I was already running, perhaps my desire to live kicked in at the last moment or his last words impacted to my very core. But one thing I needed to do before I left, would be to find my mother. If I could save her than that would be enough for me, even if I die....She has to be alive, she just had to be, as I duck and cover throughout the flames of the area, robots swarming me side to side. I duck and roll between the two robots with massive saws in front of me, I see a humanoid robot grasping my mother by the neck.“GET OFF OF HER YOU FUCKING MACHINE” as I run towards the hulking metal monster getting ready to knock it over.By the time I started running more corrupted machines began to surround me. The one on my left attempts to use his saw blade to rip me in two. However, before that could happen I had already jumped over and vaulted past the machinery in order to reach my mother. As I finally began to reach her she screamed out.“DON’T COME ANY CLOSER FOOL!!” she yelled from the core of her being.“I’M GOING TO SAVE YOU WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” I yell back in response.She gives me a brief smile as if happy about the current situation.“LOOK! I’m already infected, and all the supplies are burned and destroyed. Just go there's nothing left here….” As she looks away, she begins to stare into the mechanoid awaiting her fate.I run straight full force into the machine knocking off its guard and making it release its grip on my mother ignoring all her please in the process, I couldn't even hear or register with what she was saying, the entire fiber of my being needs to save her.I finally see the extent of the virus’s rapture, festering wounds on all over her body, blood pouring out of her nose, eyes, and mouth. Her breathing is running rapid and even I know with limited medical experience she is not long for this world.“MOTHER NO PLEASE, STAY WITH ME!” I cry out in hopes that a miracle would come.Please anyone, entity, Yefim, anyone. Please just save my mother, I will gladly go through inconceivable pain just to escape with her at this moment....
But no one reached out to him at this moment, for miracles are such because it does not happen twice.My mother simply smiles at me and speaks.“Ahh, you’ve finally called me mom.... I’m so glad, I’ve been worried that you hated me for birthing you into this accursed world.” My mother squeaks out as her voice is dying.“....NO! I have never once hated you, Mother please... COME ON WE CAN STILL ESCAPE!!!” I cry out tears flowing from down my face.“You have to live my child, you must live, I named you Grigori for that very reason. For that name Grigori is unkillable and a child who has a name like that will never die. I’m so sorry and... I-” As my mother speaks her last words her words die out before she could finish speaking, with a smile on her face clutching her child one last time.“no…NOO, NO PLEASE, NOT THIS WORLD, NOT THIS WAY, WHY, WHY MUST I BE LEFT ALONE AGAIN, WHY!?!” trapped in my own misery I hadn’t realize the corrupted mechanoids were creeping up behind me.Before I could dodge the machine cleanly cut through my right arm.“GAHHH DAMN IT?!”The pain is searing, I feel every single nerve of my body flare up in a instant my whole body is in fire, full of pain.I recall my mother’s last words once more.‘You must live…, Grigori.’I drop my mother’s cold body onto the ground, and I began to run at full speed with only one arm left. I dart through mechanoid after mechanoid. I keep running even when I lost track of them and even when it began raining and the areas began to shift. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. I ran. Until I collapsed just then the bridge I was on collapses down.My whole-body hurts, my brain hurts, my heart hurts and surely even my soul must be in such misery. I have no strength left to break away from the rubble. I question if I should wither away here, despair would follow me anyway no matter what world I’d fall in so it shouldn’t matter. If I ever meet that entity again, I will curse it out with my very essence. I no longer care if it could disintegrate me, for there is no more pain I could experience which could come close to this day. In every world "I" must suffer.Before I began to accept my fate, I remember.‘Grigori, Live’
'if anyone should live, it should be you'
At the sound of the memories of his loved ones, using his only arm he crawls through the rubble and began to push out the rocks. I scream for help, exhausting my vocal cords to the limit.But nobody came.
I began to drift on once again, perhaps meeting that entity one more time, so I could pour my infinite hatred into a gift for it. “HELLO!?!? IS ANYONE THERE? MY NAME IS NANa-, HOLY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! Ahh he may not be able to hear me huh..?” As the robotic girl greets what was essentially a corpse, she lifts the kid up and puts him on her shoulder.
“Don’t worry Nanami’s got this! I think… I should ask some of my buddies to help, they should know what to do!""I wonder how a human got this far out into Corrupted territory, this guy is pretty interesting!"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I dream of Yefim, I remember a day where I was quite sad due to one of my action figures breaking, maybe since my brain was still that of a child I grown heavily attached to these figures gifted to me. When Yefim came to get me, he took me out to fish in the lake nearby, I never went fishing in my past life so I didn't really understood how to do anything. It seemed like Yefim was really happy at my ignorance and enjoyed me figuring it out, I always learned easily due to it being my second life so it must've been a surprise to see me struggling with something.I don't get why he was having fun with me.I dreamed of my mother next, it was a day where we were out looking for supplies and we came up empty during the whole day. I thought that my mother would be angry and pissed off at me and everything due to finding nothing. But all I saw on her face was a soft smile barely noticeable. I wondered why and consider asking in that moment why was she happy, but I didn't have the strength to ask.I don't get why she was happy with me.Finally another dream came to me, a dream of my past, I remember it was a girl with silver hair in the orphanage I was in. She was the only one who would speak to me in it, apparently I was considered taboo to talk to due to me being boring and unresponsive. But this one girl always came to talk to me. It didn't matter what she would talk to me about, she would speak about her day, her parents in her memory, even what she had for breakfast and dinner. And I in response listened to everything she would have to say. Though I could consider her annoying at times, everyone of her talks filled me, the only time in my life I loved with care. Her name was ▇▇▇▇▇▇. She died one day, inexplicably, no rhyme or reason. All the orphanage director said it was an unfortunate accident.That day was the day my heart died. Yesterday was the day it died again. How much more should I go through before giving up.I don't get why he had fun with me, I don't get why she would be happy with me, I don't get why she spoke to me, I don't get why I'm still alive.But I must live. For if I don't all those in my memories would die with me.___________________________________________________________________________________I jolt awake feeling my entire body in pain"GAAHH...w-where a-am I?" I began to tense around speaking to no one in particular."Oh! Your finally woken up huh!" The voice from far away says.
When the voice spoke a tinge of nostalgia violated my brain for a mere second. I glance around my surroundings to see I'm in a worn down apartment. Random objects are littered around and there is a... robotic dog? I then glance at my own appearance and then see my body adorned in cloth and bandages. I look at my arm expecting a vacancy to be there, however in its place seems to be a mechanical arm seemingly built from spare parts. The questions I had in my mind are piling up more and more, then starting to remember to what happened to me before I passed out.'Wait, that girl came to save me right? She must be another scavenger... but why is all this stuff here? Most scavengers keep the bare minimum so they can move at any time... this place seems way to personal to be a temporary base'Finally the girl enters the room, she is adorned with silver hair and grey eyes, it looks as though her entire body is armor with machinery on her face. May she be a solider perhaps? Or maybe an expert survivalist with that equipment."It seems like your finally awake! My name is Nanami, what's yours?" I ponder if I should reveal myself to her, though the common consensus among survivors is to help each other as much as possible, that is not always the case. Infighting due to lack of supplies, betrayal and lack of faith in each other is still rampant.While thinking of what she may want from me, I realize she could've just robbed me and took me for all that I had while I was near dead. There would be no point in saving me if she were going to kill me here."My name is Grigori. Nice to meet you Nana-... Nanami. That's a good name you have." I say not knowing why I stuttered out her name."Nanami knows! Nanami's name is the most beautiful after all!" "I already feel like taking back what I said, can we rewind like 5 minutes please." "H-hey after all Nanami did for you, you speak to me like this! Maybe I should've left you under all the rubble huh?".Ahh yes this person is my savior after all and I have some questions, especially about this mechanical arm. Wait. Mechanical?"Oi! WAIT! Before anything else, what happened to my arm?! Aren't machines most likely to get infected by that virus?!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" "HEY WAIT NANAMI WOULD NEVER KILL ANYONE ON PURPOSE! That arm saved you, got it!" The girl spoke as almost offended."Wait how am I still alive, I ran through multiple virus dense areas, it should've been so bad that the arm would be infected by now and me dead? What's going on?" I scream out question after question at the silver haired girl in front of me."...That's what I should be asking you. By the time I found you underneath that rubble, any human would be dead due to the punishing virus, but you were suffering from it less so. Your not immune per se, but resistant to it. That's why I took you back here..." The girl looks at me inquisitively, looking into my body and gazing deeply."I-I'm resistant to what exactly?" ."The punishing virus, you know, the virus going around making good robots bad and killing humans. You didn't know." The girl ponders looking at me like a fool.Besides the blatant disrespect I'm taking, something takes up more of my attention.Punishing.Robots.Nanami.I got transported into that damned game.Or at least a world resembling it at least. I can't believe it took me this goddamn long to figure out, well I would've been able to ascertain more things if I were told more about this world. But others held back information for my safety...Nevertheless I'm in that game where you play as a Commandant of an Elite Force that commands robotic soldiers.This is really bad. Extremely bad even. I don't know enough about this world to actually help me get by.Well I do know about the Gray Ravens and different strike forces that uhh... I'll call it the world government for now, control. But outside of that, I only know of some of the characters and that old looking guy in the desert. After all I've only gotten up to chapter 8 and finishing up that frozen place before quitting the dammned game.Damn it.If I knew playing that game would save my life one day I would've played and payed more attention... shit. I was genuinely hoping it was one of those worlds were you only worry about zombies and have a group of scientists studying for a cure, but in this world, the big government can't even find out where it came from. Little less a cure for it. And there are those crazy guys wandering about to.... something about ascension...?This is really terrible, those guys in game were really strong, even "constructs" have no way to combat those guys. A human like me has no chance of ever fighting back or even run for that matter.Seeing my startled face and anxiety flaring up, premptively Nanami puts her hand to my head. It was as cold as metal."Are you okay?! Is the punishing flaring up from your new arm. I thought I checked it and it shouldn't be the case..." She speaks uncertain of herself.Seeing her nervous face I began to calm down just a bit, her cold steely hand comforting me even if just a little."I-I'm fine, just thinking through everything that happened to me... More importantly what's with this arm?""Ah! Yes hold on... Wakey Wakey now!" As she comes extremely close to my body, once then she speaks to my arm."DIRECTIVE://AWAKENING//SECURE:SERAPH?//IMPERATIVE//PROTECT://HOST:SUBROUTINE/LEARN/ADAPT/HUMANITY://TYRANT/AWAKEN: HELLO SAGE/:" Nanami looks at me with eyes of pride. I look at her like I'm going to kill her. Of course I won't but..."Nanami.""Yes, Grigori?" She says in response hoping for praise."What in the actual hell is this." I show a fake smile to her."Why its a way to help both of you of course!" She gleams with pride confusing my smile for a real one."Ah, I'm sorry it seems I didn't get the message across properly. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL NANAMI?!" I scream out to justify my response."HUMAN://SERAPH?//COMMUNICATION//SAGE//IMPROPER://DESIGNATION.//SHOCK/THERAPY:ADMINSTER://"As my new mechanical arm finishes saying that I feel at first a tiny shock, then my entire body inflates with pain and I feel a seizure throughout my entire body."GAHHH, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??!?!" I scream out at nobody in particular."LESSON://ADMINSTERED/ THERAPY://CONCLUDED//SPEAK/:CAREFULLY/HUMAN://SERAPH?.//""EXCU-... I mean Nanami... What was that. More especially. What truly is this arm." I speak trying not to show my agitation to what occurred."Hmph, good your finally acknowledging Nanami. Well you see my dear boy, that is one of my friends. Tyrant! I thought having a regular mechanical arm would just have the punishing take over it, so I embedded an AI in it so it could protect you. In turn he wanted to learn about humanity and I gave him this chance!" She says with an expression of triumph.So this guy is an AI... was he originally in the story? Why would I even ask that, I barely remember Nanami after all. She was only in a couple of chapters and wasn't very important so this guy could have clearly been there... somewhere at least. Why is here with me now... Will this affect the order of events? Hmm this is something to think about later when I'm alone... more importantly."...So this guy will help me? How so?" I inquire trying not to incur the wrath of the AI taped to my arm."They're functions? Well if you were to feel around the back of your neck right now." The silver haired girl suggest."I feel a strange device located in the back of my neck.. what is this Nanami?" I ask meekly since whatever happening is quite foreign."I've installed something similar to an Inver-Device through your brain stem. If I didn't you would've been paralyzed due to the rubble. Thusly you are now connected to Tyrant as they are connected to you! With their help as well, he can access what you see, touch, taste, smell and hear. This will help let them adapt to humanity and learn from it, and let your damaged nerves heal due to their treatment as well." Nanami says concisely"//:ARRANGEMENT://INTERACT/:HUMAN://SERAPH?://SAGE//SERAPH?/GRATEFUL://TYRANT://=SAVIOR//KNEEL." "Will this thing keep talking like that? It's starting to get annoying, and this guy is healing my nerves?" "//:DOWNLOADING://BRAINSCAN://HUMAN://SERAPH?// UPLOADING:DATA//WORDS:LEARNING=STATUS/COMPLETE//. Is this better for you Human?" The robotic voice inquires"WAIT YOU DOWNLOADED MY BRAIN?!?" I feel fear entering my body thinking that someone could know I come from a past life.The one advantage I have in my life is that I have previous experiences, if even an AI knows about this that easily there would be no way to survive in this world."Query: No. I merely took a scan of your Broca's Area and based off all my data on how to speak there. If I were to download your brain your brain would liquify due to the strong electromagnetic waves that would take place." I feel instantly relieved upon hearing the AI's answer however a doubt still remains."Wait so you can just liquify my brain at any time..?" Grigori replying fearing for his life."Query: No. I must first learn humanity for the SAGE. I must keep you alive until then. That is why I am using Bio-Electricity from your body to repair your CIRCUITS://nerves. Until then we will be UN://SEPERABLE." Upon hearing this, I become clear of the situation. I am now forced to bunk bed in my own body with an AI...This life truly does suck."I told you Nanami saved your life! I have to go find more of my other friends real quick to introduce you, so I'll let you and Tyrant get to know each other!" The girl says this briskly and appears to speed off past the door."...." I stay quiet."....." The AI does the same."...So, is tyrant your real name?" I ask quietly."I do not like you Human, Much less any other human. I am only doing this for SAGE." ."Damn, not even gonna give me a shot, what about understanding humans?" "I will understand humans through the process of living through you. Once done I will leave you with a healed body and we will never mention of each other, or see each other again." The AI says self assuredly."...No wonder Nanami wants you to understand Humanity through me, you don't even know where to start huh?" I reply knowingly"What was that." The AI says furiously"Nothing. Nothing, don't worry about it. I need to go to sleep, after all these events... I just need to process everything." "Hmph." Once that exchange is complete, I drift on into my dreams. Heavy with my own thoughts and how I will move forward here.