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Staci had always been jealous of Max. Even as a fresh faced nobody he had been braver than Staci, stronger. Staci was so far from strong. When the bombs dropped Staci was sure it would be the end for him, finally the end, but no. The rookie had saved him from that too, dragging him away from Jacob’s men kicking and screaming. Jacob had been in no shape to protest, knocked out cold by the rookie’s hand. Staci would never know how to thank him, he wouldn’t even know how to start. If he wanted to thank him he would have to tell him all that had happened, and Staci would never do that.It wasn’t a difficult choice to settle in Prosperity. Max wanted to move on of course, find other people to help, but he wasn’t going to leave Staci or Nick or any of the others that had survived. Staci was in no shape to go anywhere after his long stint with Jacob anyway. And so, after the dust from the bombs had settled, Max left the safety of Dutch’s bunker. Staci never asked just why he felt so obligated to bury Jess, but he respected it. Staci had ghosts of his own, anyway.Every scar on his body burned hot every time he looked at them. Jacob’s fingers ghosting over his skin kept him up at night. Staci had never really managed to understand him, he wasn’t even sure if he had survived the bombs.The bombs. The Collapse.They had been right.This was a guilt that burned bright and painful in Staci’s stomach, a truth he couldn’t ignore. Jacob had been right. It wasn’t like Staci had doubted him exactly, not near the end. Jacob had found his way into every corner of Staci’s head and all Staci could do was cling to him, fight for him, die for him. It took weeks for Staci and the Deputy to be on speaking terms after Max had dragged Staci away from the Veterans’ Hospital. Max had such compassion, keeling down and begging Staci to tell him what was wrong. It made Staci sick. He didn’t need compassion, he needed to go back.Even if he could find his way to Jacob, the man wouldn’t want him. Not now. Any work they had made cleaning him of sin, making him strong, had been ruined. The Deputy had seen to that. The thought made Staci so sick that he often found himself curled over the only toilet in the bunker, sobbing and gasping for air.Max had his own demons. He didn’t speak of them, in fact he rarely spoke at all these days, but Staci knew he had them. The marks on his skin, the half finished tattoos, the way Max would trace them mindlessly on the slow and quiet days… oh, he had his demons. It screamed John, Jacob’s damn brother. Max never asked about Jacob though, so Stacy never asked about John.Five years after the bombs hit, Staci was still being kept up at night.It wasn’t the sound of crickets screaming in his ear or little Carmina giggling at the stories her father told her. It wasn’t the sky burning bright above him with a million stars he never would have seen with the light pollution that used to dot the sky. It was that guilt. That truth.Staci couldn’t take this anymore.He sat up, taking in the scene in front of him. Carmina was always refusing to sleep and Nick just couldn’t say no to her, so he had her on his lap while he told funny old war stories. It made Staci sick. War wasn’t funny. It wasn’t cute. Fighting the damn Peggies had taken everything from them and here Nick was telling stories about it as if it had all been a bad dream. Staci stood, rubbing his face as he shuffled out of his sleeping bag.Max was leaning against the fence. Prosperity, that’s what they were calling it. The rifle hung loose in his hands and he had a far off look in his eyes, but he didn’t jump when Staci touched his shoulder. The man’s eyes gazed lazily toward him, a calm stillness in the air.“Get some sleep,” Staci offered. “I’ll keep watch. Maybe I’ll patrol.”Always moving, never resting. Staci couldn’t rest. Rest was for the week. Jacob’s voice was always in his head, the ghost of him leaning over his shoulder. Staci missed him. What a stupid thing to say. He missed the man who had tortured him, who had put his hands on him, who had broken him so completely that he had moved right through him. The way Jacob held him though, it had made him feel safe in a way that never made sense. Staci wasn’t attracted to men, he wasn’t. There had never been a man before Jacob and there had never been a man after; it had only ever been Jacob.The forest is so quiet, eerily quiet. Nature had begun to take over in the most beautiful way. On nights like this Staci found himself enjoying the patrols, often crouching to watch nature at work. He had never been able to move through the brush the way Jacob could, so quiet and effortless that he seemed like a ghost.Staci closed his eyes as Max handed him the gun. He was losing himself again.Max tapped his shoulder though and he opened his eyes again. The guy was trying to communicate, the least he could do was listen.“Nightmares?” Max’s eyes are wide with that dreaded compassion as he signs the question. Staci scoffs at it.“No.” He would have to sleep to have a nightmare, and sleep hadn’t come to him just yet. He doubted Max would get any either.“Jacob”As soon as he starts to sign his name, Staci's face hardens. It is a modified version of death, Max once told him. Naming the Heralds and the Father after the four horsemen seemed a little on the nose, but what could Staci do about it? It wasn’t up to him. Besides, they hadn’t brought the end, the had only foretold it. Staci stares at Max, something close to anger on his face.“No,” Staci says again. “Just get some sleep.”Max nods at him. Staci will never understand him, he really wouldn’t. He watches Max wander over to the sleeping bags under the tent and huffs, blowing a strand of hair from his face.He needs a walk.The moon is full, casting plenty of light down on Hope County. Staci kept his grip on the rifle tight and unwavering, his eyes scanning the forest as he stepped through the beaten path that had once been the road. The asphalt was cracked, coming up in large and uneven chunks that made it too dangerous to drive. They had been having problems lately, some assholes claiming they had claim to this land. It was bullshit, but that didn’t make them any less dangerous. They didn’t usually come this far south into the county though.Staci had heard the rumors, he had even been tempted to see if they were true once or twice, but he couldn’t just leave Prosperity. He couldn’t leave Max, who would never go north in a million years. Every time Staci spoke about it Max just started tracing those unfinished scars.A lone gunshot gets Staci’s attention. He freezes, his ears straining for more. Those on duty back at Prosperity would have heard it too, they would be on high alert. Staci raised his gun, staring out into the night. The forest was so very still that for a moment Staci thinks he’s imagined it.Another gunshot.Staci and Max could never agree on combat. Max preferred to stay crouched in the shadows, taking out an entire team before they even realized someone was stalking them. He was good at it too. Staci preferred to be direct. Maybe it was his time with Jacob that did it. As it was, at the sound of a second gunshot Staci hurried toward the noise. He could hear more as he got closer; arguing, yelling, and quiet grunts that were a telltale sign of arrows flying through the air and hitting their targets. Max loved his bow, Staci knew the sound well. He cleared the treeline and raised his rifle, sending a bullet through the head of one of the colorfully dressed bandits that had been harassing them.The noise seems to send the bandits into a frenzy. Staci ducks behind a rock as a bullet flies his way and bits of the rock break off, crumbling onto his shoulder as the bullet bounces off the stone. A firefight in the night is the last thing they need. Staci yells into the walkie he carries with him, but he’s unsure if the message will carry so far from Prosperity. He only hopes the sound of gunfire will help them put the pieces together. Staci peeks out from the rock and fires again, sending more bullets out into the sea of bright colors. Their outfits of choice were incredibly stupid, in his opinion. It made them so easy to zero in on…It doesn’t last long, but Staci has never been good at keeping time. One of the bandits comes close, rounding the rock with a large knife in hand. He grabs the gun and pulls, forcing it out of Staci’s hands. The two of them struggle as the bandit wrestles Staci to the ground and a familiar tug in his stomach appears. Primal, all consuming fear. He will be killed. His body will be thrown to the wolves and Staci will be reduced to nothing, not even a memory. Jacob’s fingers curl through his hair.Staci screams.He sinks his teeth into the bandit’s throat, reduced to nothing but a cornered animal. He knows he’s done it correctly when the bandit goes stiff and a low gurgle reaches his ears. Staci pulls back, blood dripping down his chin. He breathes heavily, gasping for any semblance of a reality he can live comfortably in. The bandit stares up at him and the fear in his eyes makes Staci choke. Doesn’t he know weakness can get you killed?“Staci?”Staci looks up at Max, but something isn’t right. Max very rarely speaks, even less so now with Hope County destroyed. The voice isn’t right either, too deep and rough. None of the bows are pointed at him, instead the wielders are searching the dead bandits. No one is looking at Staci except for him.Him.Him.Staci feels nauseous.“Jacob?” His name feels strange on his tongue and Staci glances around nervously, as if he might be in trouble for saying it. He so rarely used that name. Jacob steps closer, and… yes, it must be him.He doesn’t look that much older - it’s only been five years - but Staci does. Five years can do a lot to a man who had only been twenty six at the time. His hair is so much longer now, but where it would usually be down to his waist he has it tied up out of his face. He knows he isn’t… he doesn’t look as weak as before. Five years only eating what you kill could do that to you, bulk you up a bit. Still, he could never measure up to someone like Jacob.“Look at you,” Jacob whispered, lowering his own bow. “You’re strong.”The words send a wave of warmth through Staci. Strong. He is strong. Suddenly he is twenty six again, resting on his knees in front of Jacob as the man cards his fingers through his hair. You’re weak, he tells him, but the weak have their purpose. I can make you stronger. I can protect you. I can keep you safe. Staci is twenty six again and all he can do is look to Jacob for answers.“Staci!”That time it isn’t Jacob. A few of the others from prosperity break through the treeline, every one of them holding a gun except for Max. He reaches Staci first, kneeling down next to him to place a hand on his shoulder. Max doesn’t look at Staci though, instead his eyes are trained on Jacob.“What the hell are you doing here,” One of their own growls at Jacob. Jacob doesn’t bother to look at them, he keeps looking at Staci.“Hunting,” He says, and Staci knows he’s addressing him. “Thought they could threaten us.”“Okay,” Their own says slowly. “Looks like you won. Just… get back to your own land. We don’t want to fight.”“No,” Jacob says. Staci is surprised by this, but he realizes Jacob isn’t joking when his own men start to retreat.Staci’s fingers twitch. He wants to go with them, but he knows he would regret it. The moment Jacob lays a hand on him he would regret it. Instead he watches them disappear, no one moving a muscle until the forest becomes still again. Something inside of Staci breaks and he finally collapses, tears blinding him.Jacob. Jacob. That stupid fucker.Max sits next to him. He doesn’t touch him. Staci is thankful.The former deputy traces his own scars as they both look up at the sky.
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Sometimes it becomes hard to breathe. He doesn’t mean when his face is pressed into the dirt or when Jacob has him by the throat; this is a different sort of terror. It comes in waves, hitting Staci when he least expects it. This is one of those moments. As soon as he is allowed to step away from the sight of the Deputy in the cage, Staci collapses. He presses his hands into the dirt, trying and failing to catch his breath. Why couldn’t Rook just stay away? Didn’t he understand how dangerous Jacob was? Yes, he’d had some successes with John and had managed to win back some territory from Faith, but Jacob was different. He digs his fingers into the soil, hoping that it will ground him.It doesn’t work.A hand presses against the small of his back, cold and calloused. It allows Staci to finally take a deep breath and the rush of oxygen makes him dizzy. Jacob hums, pleased with this result. Staci hadn’t always been so easily steadied under Jacob’s hand.“He will learn,” Jacob says. “He’s strong.”“But I’m not.”“No.” Jacob doesn’t move his hand. Staci knows what he wants to say and he nods before Jacob can say it. He’s lucky to have Jacob, to have someone who can show him how to be strong; he’s lucky to have someone who can use his weakness.Staci wants to cry.Jacob retreats and Staci rises to his feet unsteady. He shouldn’t have let himself collapse like that, surely Jacob was disappointed. Staci smoothes out his shirt, a rough cotton cut with the Eden’s Gate emblem on it. It’s humiliating. Jacob’s hand settles on the back of Staci’s neck and he folds, stepping closer to the man.“Inside,” Jacob grumbles. Staci doesn’t argue.Music plays over the speakers and the sound washes over Staci. He closes his eyes…He closes…Max’s hand is on his shoulder. Staci looks at him, trying to focus in on his face. He hasn’t been feeling right since running into Jacob in the forest. Staci should have expected it, he shouldn’t be so surprised. Still, the bombs had destroyed everything. The idea that not only Eden’s Gate, but Jacob survived…Staci closed his eyes again.Jacob’s beard scratches against his chin and Staci has to pull back to gasp for air. He is pressed against the wall, a hand resting on his throat though it hasn’t cut off his air quite yet. There are tears in his eyes and he tries hurriedly to wipe them away, knowing Jacob will hate them. Jacob catches his wrist with his hand, his grip tight enough to bruise. Tomorrow, Staci knows, his wrist will be purple.“You are…” Jacob trails off almost immediately, his eyes trailing from his eyes and down to his lips. “Frustrating.”“What?”“You test me,” Jacob tells him.He drops Staci’s hand and Staci flinches, but instead of a hit he feels the man’s hand settle on his cheek. Staci leans into it, desperate for that comfort. Jacob’s hand is warm, so warm that if he didn’t know Jacob already he would worry he had a fever… but no. Staci is cold, freezing,nhis face still red from the mountain air whipping at his face. Jacob hums when Staci leans into him, a contented sound that makes Staci’s heart soar. It’s what he wants. It’s what he needs.“I’m sorry, sir,” Staci whispers. His eyes are fixated on Jacob’s dog tags, too frightened to look him in the eyes.“Staci.”“I’m sorry-”Max almost has to hit him. Staci is lucky enough that he gets off with a minor push, causing Stacy to fall backwards into a patch of flowers. He hears Max sigh and as he stares up at the sky above him he realizes that Max has been talking to him, honest to god talking. Staci accepts his hand and pulls himself to his feet, unsteady.“You’re not well,” Max says simply. Stacy shakes his head.“It’s been a long few days.”“Jacob.” Again, it isn’t a question. Max knows Staci well.Staci doesn’t know how to tell him, how to explain. Max knows some of it from his own deductions; Staci has caught him staring at the scars once or twice. There is so much more to it than scars though, so much more than a simple hatred of fear. Staci needed Jacob more than he needed to breathe and he knew it hadn’t been healthy.He knew it wasn’t healthy.Knowing this didn’t make it any easier, it certainly didn’t make it go away. Staci ran his fingers through his hair, searching desperately for a subject change.“Have we found anything else about the…” Staci made a vague hand gesture toward their gate. Max seemed to understand, their steely gaze never once dropping.“They call themselves Highwaymen.” Max shook his head. “They’re becoming too much to handle.”“We’ll figure it out.”They had to. Prosperity was all they had left. If Staci lost this, there wouldn’t be anything to hold on to. There was a small community built up around the old prison to the east, but it wasn’t anything all that impressive. They had their own problems to deal with, and if Staci was being honest they were a strange bunch of people. The Bliss had grown everywhere left unchecked and he was certain it had altered those folks in some way. They were a little too happy with their situation. Then there was the north.Eden’s Gate.They hadn’t even known those damned people survived, much less the Heralds. Joseph too, Staci would bet. Had everything the rookie done been for nothing?No. No, of course not. Max had saved countless people, Staci had to remind himself of that.If this got any worse they would have to ask for help. Staci hated this idea, but no one would have been surprised by that. If Jacob came here, if he spoke to Staci and held him in his arms and beat him down… Staci wasn’t sure how he would stand against that. Even now, after so many years, he was nothing but an animal fallen to his most basic instincts.Max cleared this throat.“If they attack another one of our children, I’m going to find us help.” Max’s face was somber. “I won’t risk Carmina.”They both knew what Max meant by that. Staci wanted to discourage him but once the man had his mind set on something there was no convincing him otherwise. All Staci could do was nod.“I just need you to stay safe,” Staci told him. “I can’t lose you too.”Staci ran his fingers over the raised scar tissue on his wrists, a gesture that never failed to keep him grounded. They had made it this far, what was to stop them from figuring this out? Between him and Max and the rest of Prosperity…Fuck. Staci was having a hard time believing it would be okay.
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Wrath.It tainted his soul, filled his being with a rage unlike any other. Max had always been followed by it; from the moment he’d been born Wrath had stood by his side, guiding his hand. Children crying on the playground when he’d been six. Standing over his father at twelve with blood on his knuckles. Getting detention at sixteen for getting into a fight. The sick satisfaction that at twenty one had filled him up, standing over the dead body of another sick cult member. The emblem of Eden’s Gate was burned into Max’s retinas.Wrath.Max had wrath.He was death come to the world, the final reckoning that had always been foretold. From the moment Adam and Eve stepped out of the garden Max’s existence had been set in stone. He often stood at the edge of Prosperity and traced the tattoo on his chest, his fingers following the familiar lines. John’s hand had always been so steady. How did he contain his own wrath?Standing at the frontlines of a war at twenty one hadn’t been Max’s plan in life. They had forced him into that role and as much as he wanted to complain, it fit him well. He wore violence like a badge of honor, donning it so naturally that surely it had been made for him. It wasn’t all violence though; war wasn’t only hatred. Sometimes he had sat around a bar, laughing at Jess as he tried to teach her sign language. They were both drunk, it never really stuck. Sometimes he would stand in the middle of a pasture with Hurk and Sharky and see just how high they could throw a molotov. The community they had built was great and the friends Max had made were even greater.And then there was John.From the moment Max first laid eyes on him he knew he’d be trouble, standing behind his brother with a grin on his face. John. John.John.Fuck.There was something about John that Max couldn’t shake. He had become a deputy to help people, but John had managed to shake his worldview in a matter of hours. He remembered the first time they touched, Max gasping for air after being forced under the river. John’s hands were warm on his face when he stumbled over, wiping water from his cheek.
This one’s not clean.
And then he had dunked him again, hands around his throat as he held him under the water for just a little too long. John was a toxin, a poison that corrupted every drop of blood in your body. He was addictive, more than any bottle of liquor.The second time they met, John had him tied to that damn chair. A tattoo gun in one hand and a knife in the other, carving lines in Max’s skin and painting his sins onto his flesh. John’s breath had been hot against Max’s neck. John got a little too close and turned his head, their noses touching. His breath smelled like whiskey and something sweeter, something floral. His lips tasted just the same.Max had never understood his relationship with John, but he knew that when it had come time to end it he hadn’t been able to kill him.Wrath screamed. Death had come for John and had not finished the job. Max disappeared for almost a week after that, traversing deep into Henbane to retrieve Faith’s body. He buried her, laying the girl to rest underneath the soil at the old Jessop ranch. She deserved better than what Max could give her. Her dying words still haunted him. She was only a girl, hardly older than Max had been at the time, and Joseph had used her. He had taken her addiction and turned it into a weapon.That was when Max focused his attention on Staci. He had been held captive with Jacob’s men for the better part of six months at that point and the fact he was still alive was a miracle. He had to get him out of there. After Max’s first… rather unfortunate run in with Jacob, trapped in that damned cage, he had steered clear of Jacob’s mountains. The man was dangerous in a way that Max wasn’t sure he was prepared for.He wasn’t sure what Jacob had done to Staci exactly, but the man wasn’t the same one that Max had once worked with.Max knew deep in his heart that Joseph had been right. His prophecies were more than guesswork. Max held faith that he had never known he was capable of and didn’t know what to do with. It was difficult to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, especially when you know it was your fault it had ended.
I saw when the Lamb opened the First Seal, and I heard as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts say, come and see… and I saw, behold it was a white horse… and hell followed with him.
He felt a hand brush against his arm and smiled. Max looked down at the little girl smiling up at him; his goddaughter was one of the brightest things in Prosperity. She always had some joke to tell or a story to weave. He and Nick had already agreed that once she was old enough they would take her to learn to shoot. Even Carmina’s mother agreed; Kim was the best shot out of all of them with a pistol. She was the reason that Max would have to look for help. The Highwaymen would take everything from her if they could, rip her life out from under her. Max couldn’t let that happen.His goddaughter would be safe, even if he had to drag God down from the heavens and put a bullet in his brain to do it.Wrath.He remembered the way John had held him in that church, a smile on his face so serene that Max could almost forget his friends standing with guns pointed to their heads.“You are special,” John had whispered. “Stay with us in Eden. Stay with me.”It had been so tempting. Even after all Max had done, all John had done, the offer hung heavy in the air. He could join them. He could help lead them to a better tomorrow, help them survive the Collapse. He could stay by John’s side and hold the man forevermore, be held back. Max wanted John in a way that he had never before experienced.At twenty one, Max had never truly been in love before that moment.Wrath and Love battled for dominance. Wrath won out.“I wish you wouldn’t go,” said Grace. The morning was cold and foggy, and as Max watched Carmina run off he felt his shoulders fall. Grace was… a good friend, she had always had good advice for him.“I don’t have much of a choice.” For Grace, Max would speak. Grace had always been upset about the blindness caused by the destruction of the bombs, though she would never admit it. “I won’t let Prosperity fall.”“You’re one of our best fighters.”“You have Staci.” Despite what Staci liked to say about himself, he was one of the best they had. Staci was direct and almost never missed his target, and when it came down to it he could become terrifyingly brutal. It was Jacob’s conditioning shining through, Max knew it.Grace was quiet for a moment, her fingers running over the pieces of junk in front of her. Even blind, she knew how to put together anything from… well, anything.“We can’t lose you,” Grace said.“You won’t.” Max touched her shoulder, alerting her to where he stood. “I won’t abandon Prosperity. We’ve got to make this work. If we don’t, Eden’s Gate will fall too. I’m sure they know that.”“I hope so.” Grace sighed. “If you really want to make the journey, take something with you.”“What?” Max smiled as Grace’s hands went to a large box; she was always dreaming up some new, terrible weapon. The one she pulled out was no different and a smile grew on Max’s face. “Grace! What’s this?”“A saw launcher,” Grace said. “It doesn’t make a sound and it’s way more deadly than your bow. Can cut through anything.”“Oh-” Max turned the weapon around in his hands. He had to admire her handiwork. “This is amazing.”Of course he would take it.“Nick won’t be too happy about your plan,” Grace told him.“Kim will be worse.” They would come to understand how necessary this was. If Prosperity was going to survive, they needed to make compromises. “They asked me to make the hard choices. This is me making them.”“As long as you stay safe, Deputy.”Max’s smile widened. He had no idea why people insisted on calling him that. Deputy… that was another life. He patted Grace's shoulder and big her farewell, still clutching the saw launcher tight in his hands.He was going to keep Hope County safe, and that started with finding Eden’s Gate.