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For the third time this month, Arthur decided to go on a hunting trip, much to Merlin’s dislike. For the love of god, the servant could not understand what this prat liked so much about it. Still, being just a servant and Arthur the King of Camelot, he had not much say in this and grumpily readied the horses for Arthur and his knights.
„If you keep looking like a kicked puppy, it might stay.“ the king had the nerve to say as he finally arrived at the stables and mounted his horse. Merlin merely huffed and climbed on his own horse.
„I’d rather look like a kicked puppy than a royal prat, sire.“ Merlin replied. Gwaine didn’t even try to hide the laugh that escaped his mouth, which earned him a deadly glare from Arthur.
Merlin thought that Arthur hadn’t heard him correctly when he wasn’t immediately lectured but quickly dismissed that thought when he felt a hand connect with the back of his head with an audible smack, as the king rode past him. Merlin mouthed a silent ow and rubbed his aching head.
Gwaine, Leon, Percival and Elyan joined them on the back of their horses and followed their king outside of Camelot and into the woods.
Despite hating the reason for being here, Merlin quite enjoyed being in these part of the woods, especially as the weather was sunny and warm. The sunlight shining through the trees leaving golden looking beams in his path and making him squint his eyes then and there.
He also enjoyed being with Arthur and his knights. He really liked the company of this dollophead more than he cared to admit and of course, the knights became something akin to family to him.
After almost six hours with no luck (or luck if you’d ask Merlin) in finding any wildlife, Arthur decided to take a break at a small river to fill their waterskins. Merlin dismounted his horse and led his and after it the rest of the horses, to the river so they could rehydrate as well.
„Here.“ Gwaine passed him a full waterskin which Merlin gladly accepted.
„Thank you, Gwaine.“ he replied with a nod and drank hastily. A few droplets of water fell from the still wet waterskin on his shirt and Merlin only now realized how warm it really got.
„Woah, slow down, Merls. Can’t have you choke on water of all things!“ the knight clapped him on his back a few times as he coughed, while Merlin dried his chin with the back of his hand and closed the waterskin.
„Yeah, sorry. Guess I was rather thirsty.“
„Maybe next time, you should-" before Gwaine could finish his sentence, he was distracted by a noise.
„What is it?“ Merlin, immediately on high alert, looked around for any sign of danger. Usually, he was the first to notice when something was wrong but he was so distracted by not choking that he completely let down his guard.
„I heard something.“ Gwaine squinted his eyes in the direction of the noise and soon, the other knights and Arthur joined them with their weapons drawn.
„We heard it, too.“ Arthur whispered and unconsciously (or not, no one would ever know) walked in front of Merlin to shield him from any possible danger. As much as it warmed the servants heart, he couldn’t see anything with this prat standing directly in front of him, so he nervously tried to look over the king’s shoulders when he saw, or more like felt the danger approaching.
„There!“ he shouted and pointed straight ahead, where only seconds later a dozen bandits emerged from the underbrushes with their swords drawn and yelling, announcing their imminent attack.
Merlin felt Arthur push him back behind a large tree and once again, his heart warmed at the gesture. He anxiously watched as his friends fought them off, always focused on stepping in with his magic, should any of them need his help. They all stood their ground though and finished their opponents off with little problems until the last remaining bandit got lucky and disarmed Elyan, who stumbled to the ground with fear in his eyes only visible to Merlin and only for a brief second when he quickly rose again and dodged the first swing of the bandit’s sword. Elyan was a skilled fighter but even he had his limits without a weapon, so the bandit quickly gained the upper hand and started to swing.
Before the sword could connected with the defenseless knight, Merlin wordlessly let a huge branch break off the tree and onto the bandit’s head, who would stay on the ground unmoving. Elyan perplexingly eyed the last remaining bandit, thanking whoever was listening for the luck he had.
Or so Merlin thought it had been the last remaining bandit. What he didn’t expect was for a man sneaking up on him from behind with a thick club in his hand. Merlin heard a twig snap from behind him and hastily turned around only to be knocked down with full force.
He found himself on the floor without any recollection how he got there. Everything was hazy and if his brain wouldn’t try to break out of his head, maybe he could concentrate enough to remember it. Everything was strange around him, his vision was blurry, his ears were ringing and dull at the same time and his brain didn’t seem to work at all. He felt like losing bits of time and nothing felt real. If not for the blinding pain inside his skull, he sure would have believed it wasn’t. Merlin was vaguely aware of the effort it took to blink the blurriness away, which wasn’t working at all. All it did was increasing his headache to a point it became unbearable and if he would have been able to think clearly he would wish for it all to end. Merlin wasn’t aware of what was happening, only that his vision darkened until he lost more and more of the little focus he still had as his consciousness slipped away.
_______________
Elyan was the last one who won the fight against the bandit. It was more luck than skill this time, really, but he wouldn’t complain now. He as alive and he was immensely grateful for that.
„Are you okay?“ Arthur asked and eyed the knight worryingly. It was not often that he was overpowered during a fight.
„Yeah, I’m okay. Don’t know what happened but I got luck on my side.“ he replied honestly. Arthur walked past him and clapped him on the shoulder.
„Anyone injured?“ the king asked and nodded in relief when everyone shook their heads.
„Good. Merlin, see if all the horses are still there. Would be a shame if you had to walk back to Camelot.“ the king said with a smirk and turned around to where he had pushed his manservant behind the tree. He expected him to crawl out of his hideout like the coward he was and he would have loved the sight of it. Arthur couldn’t explain why his heart hammered like crazy every time he wasn’t sure how or where Merlin was, but it happened.
Nothing prepared him for the sight before him as one last remaining bandit struck an oblivious Merlin down with a thick club. The sickening noise the weapon made when it connected with the side of Merlin’s head would forever be stuck in his brain.
„Merlin!“ he heard his knights scream in panic as they all rushed forward and struck the bandit down with no mercy whatsoever.
Arthur was frozen for a second as his mind tried to comprehend what just happened but quickly got his bearings back and ran towards his manservant, who was lying on his side on the forrest floor.
„Merlin, can you hear me?“ he asked softly as he didn’t want to startle his friend. He was shocked when he really looked at Merlin’s face for the first time and his breath hitched at the sight. The whole left side of Merlin’s face was covered in blood from a deep gash on his temple but that was not the worst. Head wounds always tended to bleed a lot. No, it was the look on his face that made his heart almost stop.
His eyes were open, glazed and unfocused, looking at nothing while his breathing was rapid, his lips parted slightly. Arthur noticed that his right arm, where he was half lying upon, was still hovering a few centimeters above the ground, as if he wasn’t sure what to do with it. It seemed that Merlin was not completely unconscious but he definitely wasn’t quite aware of things.
„Merlin, look at me!“ Arthur tried not to panic, especially when all the knights where watching but it was not working. He really started to panic when Merlin, again, did not respond the slightest to his words.
„Shit, what’s happening?“ Percival asked with unusual fear in his voice as he knelt next to his king.
„I…I don’t know!“ Arthur almost shouted, not sure what to do in such a situation.
All the knights were gathered around their friend, protecting him from any more harm and wishing they could reverse the injury.
„Come on, now, Merlin! Talk to us!“ Arthur shouted and not so gently shook his left shoulder. But all that did was obviously causing Merlin pain because he squinted his eyes so hard it hurt just watching. Then he started blinking rapidly, as if clearing his vision from something and a spark of hope blossomed out inside Arthur’s chest.
„Merlin? It’s us, it’s alright.“ he tried to reassure his friend but the little spark of hope he just got was quickly wiped out as Merlin’s eyes rolled back in his head and his right arm fell limply to the ground.
„No, no, no, no! Wake up, Merlin!“ Arthur shook his shoulders more forcefully as the panic consumed him but Leon’s steady hand and calm voice immediately grounded him.
„Sire, he’s still alive. Look, he’s breathing.“
„And he still has a pulse.“ Percival confirmed with his fingers on Merlin’s wrist and Arthur could not hide his sigh of relief, letting his head hung for a second.
„We need to get him back to Gaius, right now!“ Gwaine interrupted, not quite feeling the relief his king had. Merlin was still lying unconscious on the ground with a heavily bleeding head wound.
„I agree with you, but we should tend to his head wound first.“ Arthur replied and looked at Leon for confirmation as he was the most skilled in field medicine besides Merlin. The knight nodded and smiled slightly at his king.
„Elyan, could you bring me Merlin’s medical bag?“ Arthur asked the knight, who nodded and rushed towards the horses, that luckily hadn’t run away during the fight.
When the knight returned, Arthur opened the bag and looked for some bandages. „We have to stop the bleeding.“ he said, while also looking for something to stitch the wound. „Leon, would you do the stitches? I’m afraid he wouldn’t like my result.“ Leon nodded and situated himself next to Merlin, where he could work better. Gwaine tried to clean the blood away from the gash, so that Leon could actually see where he was stitching and he was glad that the bleeding finally seemed to slow down a bit.
It took Leon only ten minutes to stitch Merlin back up, while the servant stayed stubbornly unconscious. He would lie if it wasn’t worrying him, especially since you shouldn’t let patients who suffered from head wounds sleep but there was not much he could do about it. He doubted anyone was able to wake Merlin in this state.
„We should still bandage it.“ Leon said and with the help of Percival and Gwaine, they hoisted Merlin up into a sitting position while Arthur held his limp head. It felt so wrong that his always chirpy and cheerful servant was now so still and vulnerable.
Leon grabbed the bandages and made quick work in putting them around Merlin’s head and tugging the end under them. After he was finished, Percival and Gwaine gently laid Merlin back on the soft ground.
„I can take him.“ Leon proposed but his king shook his head. „I will take him for now. He can ride with you after our rest.“ Leon nodded in understanding, he always seemed to know exactly what was going on in Arthur’s head. He really wished to take Merlin the whole way back to Camelot and he wouldn’t care about what his knights thought about it, but if the King would return with his manservant on top of his horse when four of his knights would’ve been perfectly capable of carrying him, it would look… odd. He eyed Merlin one more time and saw his ashen face and the dark circles that were already visible under his closed eyes. Slight tremors plagued his body and a cold sweat was forming on his forehead. He really wished Camelot wasn’t a six hour ride away and that was if they would ride non-stop. They had to rest, though, because the sun was already starting to descend and riding through the darkness was way too dangerous. Not even was another bandit attack likely when night fell, but the horses would most likely stumble and fall due to exhaustion. They have been riding almost non-stop after all, minus the little break they had when the group tended to Merlin.
„Help me with him.“ the king ordered and together, they managed to heave Merlin on top of Arthur’s horse. Percival steadied him while Arthur climbed on top of the saddle and only let go, when Merlin’s back and head was resting safely on Arthur’s chest. It unnerved the king that Merlin seemed completely unbothered by all the jostling, the manservant was totally unresponsive and suddenly, one of Gaius’ lectures came to his mind.
„I know you’re aware that you shouldn’t let patients with a head wound sleep but do you know why, sire? They are at great risk of falling into a coma, most likely because of some kind of bleeding in the brain. I’ve never seen or heard of a patient waking up again after a deep coma.“
Arthur suddenly had a lump in his throat and quickly shook his head. He had been so distracted by his thoughts, that he hadn’t realized they started moving. The horses were clever and knew to follow the herd if their rider didn’t say otherwise, that was the reason Merlin’s horse followed faithfully but he still needed to get a grip. He was their king and had to act as such, even though his heart shattered at the sight of Merlin.
After about halfway back to Camelot, Arthur decided it was best to rest for the night. Merlin had yet to show any signs of waking and the worry inside him grew more and more. Also, it was nearly completely dark outside and not even the moon illuminated to woods because of some dark clouds that started to build over the last hour. He prayed that it wouldn’t start to rain on top of everything. „Here is a good place to rest.“ he said and brought his horse to a stop.
Without a word, his knights dismounted their horses and went to Arthur’s side to assist him with Merlin. „Careful.“ the king’s voice was filled with concern but his words were unnecessary because they literally treated their friend like a raw egg.
Percival was the strongest, so with some help, they carefully laid Merlin into the knight’s waiting arms. Quickly, Gwaine prepared Merlin’s bedroll and Percival slowly laid him down, supporting his limp head on the way down.
„Get some firewood.“ Arthur ordered Elyan, while rolling out his own bedroll right next to Merlin. „I’ll take the first shift, you can all get some sleep. You too, if you’re finished setting up the fire, Elyan.“ it was unusual for the king to stay up at all when his knights were around. Normally, they would stay awake while he could sleep through the night but nobody said anything. Everyone knew how deeply Arthur cared about Merlin, even though he wouldn’t admit it if you’d ask him.
After Elyan started the fire, it took him about five seconds to pass out on his bed next to his fellow knights. Arthur was already lying next to Merlin and covered him with another blanket, his one. His servant seemed worse every time he looked at him and for a split second he honestly thought that Merlin might be dying. He quickly dismissed it though and carefully stroked his hair that stuck out under the bandages. Luckily, the bleeding had stopped and only a small patch of blood was shining through the white linen. Suddenly, another conversation with Gaius ran through his head.
„The pupils are a good indication for brain damage. If they are uneven and reacting sluggishly if you open the eyes, the patient most likely has a severe concussion. In some cases it can be the first sign of a brain bleed. But if they are blown and not reacting to light, there is not much hope left.“
Arthur was suddenly afraid to open Merlin’s eyes but he knew he had to. He just had to know if his servant was beyond help or not, so, with a shaking hand, he brought his thumb and index finger to both of Merlin’s eyes and slowly opened them. He stared at his eyes for what felt like hours without really looking at the pupils but finally he did.
Arthur let out a shaky breath he wasn’t aware of holding while he quietly laughed at himself in relief. Merlin’s pupils were indeed reacting sluggishly and were slightly uneven but there was still hope. He quickly dismissed the thought that there could still be bleeding inside his brain and instead relished the short moment of hope.
Still, it had been a really long time since Merlin fell unconscious and Arthur slowly started to panic. He wanted to hear Merlin’s laugh again and the insults he hurled at him, no matter how disrespectful they were. He longed for the way his face changed when he grinned like the idiot he was, the way he squinted his eyes and the corners of his mouth seemed to reach his perfect ears. But for all that to happen, he had to wake up first.
„Merlin?“ he tried desperately with a shake of his shoulder. It was not surprising that nothing was happening but it was still disappointing. He tried again anyway with more force behind his shake and words.
„Hey you clodpole, wake up!“
„’S my w’rd.“
„Yeah, sure Mer-" Arthur shook his head when he realized what just happened. This was not a dream. „Merlin, you’re awake!“
But Merlin groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, even though they weren’t open in the first place. „N’t so loud.“
„Sorry.“ he whispered but couldn’t hide his grin. „How are you feeling?“
„L’ke s’meb’dy sm’cked m’ h’d.“ he slurred. Arthur frowned, he had a hard time understanding him.
„Like somebody smacked your head? Well that might be because it actually happened, you idiot.“ his grin didn’t falter, too relived was he that Merlin was finally awake. „Can you open your eyes?“
„Hmpf…“ Merlin mumbled and tried until his eyelids fluttered open halfway. That was all he could manage.
Arthur’s grin slightly faltered when he looked into Merlin’s eyes. They wandered from left to right, completely unfocused and glazed. „Merlin, can you see me?“ he dared to ask and Merlin’s head slowly moved in his direction.
„Twice.“ he slurred and tried to focus more on Arthur but to no avail. He started panting slightly because of the effort it took and Arthur panicked even more when his eyelids started to drop again.
„No, none of that! Stay awake for a bit longer.“ he ordered and patted his cheek hastily.
„‚kay.“ his eyes opened halfway again and the king was honestly impressed and worried at the same time that Merlin obeyed his orders so willingly.
This brief moment of hope and relief quickly turned to one of horror when Merlin suddenly started panting louder and rapidly while he slowly bent his head backwards, as in slow-motion. It was hard to see with all the blankets, but he did the same thing with his back as well while his fingers curled inwards. He held this position for a few seconds, when his eyes abruptly rolled back in his head for the second time that day and he started convulsing violently.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Arthur thought himself to be a strong, brave and independent man. He fought recklessly because he knew of his skills and stood up for his people. Not many things frightened him but seeing his best friend lying convulsing on the ground nearly made his heart stop. The tears that sprung into his eyes were involuntary but he couldn’t care less as his hands hovered uselessly over his seizing servant, not sure what to do. His mind was blank. If someone would try to attack him now, he would not even see them coming, too distracted was he by Merlin’s sight. Saliva mixed with blood leaked out of his slightly parted lips, probably because he had bit his tongue some time during the seizure. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably and he made weird grunting sounds, while his eyes moved frantically under his semi closed eyelids. The worst thing was the way Merlin banged his head against the hard ground and Arthur could only watch, frozen on the spot and unable to even lift a finger. He was unaware that his knights had long woken up from their slumber and tried to cushion Merlin’s head with a red Pendragon cloak. Arthur lifted his head as in slow motion to look at a worried Sir Leon. His lips moved frantically, but the king couldn’t hear a thing. He blinked his eyes slowly when someone abruptly grabbed his head and spun it around. Suddenly Gwaine’s face was across from him but he looked more angry than worried. Arthur briefly thought if he went deaf because he couldn’t hear him either. Again, he blinked slowly, a slight frown forming on his face due to his confusion. What was goi-
„Arthur!“ the slap was the first thing he heard, then came Gwaine’s voice. Then the pain. Gwaine had slapped him! He shook his head dumbfounded when he came back to himself.
„God damnit, grab him!“ suddenly, Arthur snapped out of his trance and almost jumped on top of Merlin to ease his shaking.
„What’s happening?“ Arthur was frightened before, but now that he was completely aware of what was going on, he nearly freaked out.
„He’s seizing. Probably due to his head injury.“ Leon explained but his voice sounded strained and concerned. Yes, he was more skilled in field medicine than most of them but that didn’t mean he knew what to do in every situation. A seizure was not something he had ever witnessed, he merely heard about it, therefore he was completely clueless.
„What are we going to do?“ the king hated how scared and uncertain he sounded but this was not the time nor place to be heroic and stoic.
„We wait.“ Leon sighed because what else was there to do?
„Merlin, can you hear me?“ Arthur tried where he lay on top of his servant. His shaking wasn’t lessening and talking to him did nothing to rouse him from this horrendous situation.
Then suddenly, after what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes, Merlin stopped seizing as abruptly as it had started. They all immediately let go of him and Arthur smiled, relieved that the shaking had finally ended.
„Merlin?“ his voice continued to sound scared, even more so when his friend was still not reacting to it. „Wake up, Merlin!“ he slapped Merlin’s cheek but he remained stubbornly unconscious.
„Let’s lie him on his side in case he needs to vomit.“ Leon said, knowing the risk of it after such a severe head injury. The seizure on top of all that probably didn’t help.
Together they turned Merlin onto his side, with his face to the fire and covered him with blankets again. Arthur once again lifted his eyelids to check his pupils but they luckily were the same as before. Then he wiped away the remaining blood on Merlin’s cheek with his sleeve.
„Get some rest, or try to. I won’t be able to find sleep tonight, so feel free to sleep through.“ Arthur ordered with a tiered voice but not from lack of sleep but from sheer emotional exhaustion. The knights nodded reluctantly but did as they were told and lied down the second time that night. Everyone except Leon. He sat down next to his king wordlessly and hugged his bend knees while staring into the flames.
They sat like that for a long time in silence until Leon spoke up. „You really care about him, don’t you?“
Arthur huffed, „You know I do. We all do.“
„Yes, we do but it’s different between you two, isn’t it?“ it was more of a statement then a question, Arthur knew that and he knew as much as Leon that every lie would have been useless and totally unnecessary. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to say it and tried to divert the conversation.
„He’s my servant, Leon. He’s not a good one but I can’t deny that he gives me a lot of good advice then and there. Merlin is my best friend and the most loyal man I have ever met, no offense!“ both chuckled at that.
„None taken, sire.“ Leon sighed, staring at the flames again. „I hope I don’t speak out of turn, but I’m pretty sure you know what I mean. You don’t have to answer me but promise me to think about it.“
Arthur smiled, „I will.“ Just when Leon started to stand up, Arthur put a hand on the man’s arm. „Thank you.“
Leon nodded with a smile and returned to his own bedroll.
As soon as his most trusted knight was gone, Arthur laid down on his side, head supported by his hand, while watching Merlin for half of the night. If the situation wasn’t so dire he could’ve lost himself in the sight. In the way the flames danced across his friend’s face and illuminated his skin in a warm glow. But now, the flames danced across a heavily bandaged head and said flames only illuminated a pale, sweaty skin.
Like before the seizure, Arthur reached out to stroke Merlin’s raven locks. He imagined them to be soft and he was sure they usually were, instead he cringed at the dried blood that matted his hair and made it stick to his head.
„Please be alright, Merlin. Promise me, to be alright.“ he muttered silently, feeling a rare wetness in his eyes. „I can’t live without you.“ his voice finally broke as the tears fell freely down his cheeks. Arthur closed his eyes and let his head hang in despair.
He stayed like that for some time, until a cold hand weakly grabbed the wrist that touched Merlin’s hair. The king immediately lifted his head and sniffed. He couldn’t believe his eyes.
„Merlin?“ his servants eyes were open, more so than before and he seemed a little bit more lucid now. „Oh my god, you’re awake.“ new tears started leaking out of Arthur’s eyes but instead being tears of fear and grief, they now were tears of joy.
„Arth’r?“ Merlin’s voice still sounded incredibly weak, it was merely above a whisper.
„I’m here, Merlin. You’ll be alright. Don’t you dare scare me like that again!“ he sniffed again, while carefully lying his forehead against Merlin’s.
„What happened?“ he slurred, releasing Arthur’s wrist and letting his arm fall limply back on the ground.
„What do you remember?“
Merlin frowned in concentration and Arthur suspected pain. „I was hit?“ it was a question which the king answered with a nod. He wasn’t sure if Merlin knew or simply guessed because it was most likely to be the reason for his throbbing head.
Then, there was a moment of clarity in his eyes. „There had been a bandit attack.“
Arthur nodded again. „Yes. We fought them but…“ the king gulped when a wave of shame came over him. „I missed one. I wasn’t even aware there had been another bandit when he struck you. Fuck, you had a seizure, Merlin!“ this time, the heavy guilt brought tears to his eyes but now, he hastily wiped them away. He didn’t deserve the pity Merlin would surely feel for him.
„Not, you’re fa’lt.“ his slurring got better, but Merlin still wouldn’t move from his position.
Arthur huffed, „Of course, it’s my fault. I’m the king and responsible for you! I should’ve protected you!“
„Please, st’p.“ Merlin whimpered, face twisted in pain at the loud words.
„I’m so sorry, Merlin!“ there was the guilt again but he swallowed it down.
There was a moment of silence, which Merlin took as a sign to fall back asleep again. „Hey, none of that now!“ Arthur whispered but when his servant’s eyelids continued to drop, he patted his cheek slightly.
„'m tired.“ he mumbled drowsily, sighing.
„I know you are but you need to stay awake. We have to get you back to Gaius.“ Arthur didn’t know how much time had passed since the seizure but it surely had been a few hours. „Stay awake.“ he ordered, finger pointed at Merlin with a raised eyebrow.
„'kay.“
With one last glance at his friend, he stood up and woke up his knights. They all jumped up, immediately worried again. „Is he okay?“ Gwaine demanded, already rushing to Merlin’s side.
His face lit up at the sight.“ You’re awake!“ he spread his arms wide, a huge grin on his face. „I knew you’d pull through.“
Merlin quirked his mouth up. „S’ppose I am.“
„How are you feeling?“ Gwaine knelt down in front of Merlin and frowned at his pale complexion. He might be awake but he was definitely far from fine.
„I’m f-„
„Don’t even try to tell me you’re fine!“ Gwaine interrupted him before he could even finish the sentence.
Merlin sighed and closed his eyes again. Just as the knight was sure he had passed out, he opened them once more. „If I only move about an inch, my head feels like it will burst any second. I still see double and if you could stop moving so much, it would be much appreciated.“ Gwaine frowned at his words because he sat stock-still in front of his friend.
„Alright, time to get you back to Gaius, then.“ Gwaine got up and walked back to Arthur, a serious expression on his face. „Getting him onto a horse will not be easy.“
Arthur sighed, scratching the back of his head. „I know. He’s in much more pain then he lets on.“
Gwaine lifted an eyebrow. Merlin just told him his head felt like it was about to burst, how much worse could it be?
„Wait a second.“ Elyan spoke up and crouched down in front of Merlin, who stubbornly obeyed the order to stay awake. „Hey mate, is there anything in this forest that might help you with the pain?“
„Ehm… there is… Arnica.“ focusing on things seemed to exhaust him a lot as he started panting. „Has yellow petals, looks dishevelled. Search… in a clearing.“ by the end of it, he screwed his eyes shut and a whimper left his lips.
„You did good, Merlin. This will help you.“ Elyan smiled sympathetically at his friend and returned to his king with the good news.
„Merlin said to find Arnica. It will ease his pain and hopefully make the journey back more bearable for him.“
Arthur nodded proudly at his knight, „Take Percival and Leon with you and find some. We are relatively save here, we’ll be fine on our own. Hurry.“ he added, voice full of concern.
Leon, Percival and Elyan took their horses and hurried away to find the required flower, while Gwaine and Arthur joined Merlin on the ground again.
„You need to drink something.“ Arthur noticed Merlin’s dry, chapped lips and reached for his waterskin.
Merlin would’ve agreed if that didn’t mean he needed to move. But his dry mouth and throat were really starting to get uncomfortable. „Yeah.“
The warlock was still lying on his side and literally hadn’t moved an inch since waking up, except for lifting his arm earlier. Thinking about it, he wasn’t entirely sure he still wanted water.
„We’ll help you.“ Gwaine said, smiling encouragingly at Merlin. They thought about helping him on his back and then into a sitting position but thinking better of it, they could spare him one unnecessary movement and simply get him up from his lying form on the side. Before they got ready though, Merlin tried to get his left arm under his body and push himself upright. That was the plan at least, but the warlock only managed to lie his palm flat on the ground, when his arm immediately started shaking violently from the strain it put on his limb. The rising blood pressure made his vision go white as the pain in his head reached its climax and his eyes threatened to roll back in his head.
„Merlin, you idiot!“ Arthur exclaimed, taking his friends heavy head in both of his hands. He started panting again and for a few seconds, he could only see the whites of Merlin’s eyes when his blue orbs reemerged again and regained their focus. „We said, we’ll help you! Don’t be such a stubborn idiot and accept help for once.“ Arthur wasn’t angry at Merlin in particular, this was just his concern speaking. It really worried him that such a small movement made him black out for a few seconds. He couldn’t remember ever having such a nasty concussion and he wasn’t eager to get one.
„Don’t you move an inch, Merlin. Let us sit you up.“ Gwaine, keeping a level head for once, moved closer to his friend and shoved his arms under Merlin’s body. „You support his head and shoulders. I’ll lift him up at his back.“
Very slowly, they started sitting Merlin up, always looking out for any change in Merlin’s behaviour. It felt strange being lifted without moving a finger but he couldn’t deny that it was much less painful this way. Still, his head throbbed more than it had lying unmoving on the ground and the trees moved in circles around him. It made him nauseous and he didn’t want to even think about what throwing up would do to his head, so he took a few deep breaths and willed the nausea away.
„You alright, there, Merls?“ Gwaine asked, finding his friend with closed eyes, breathing heavily through his nose. He appeared to have gotten a few shades paler than before, if that was even possible.
„Hm… dizzy 'nd nauseous.“ he slurred his words again but this was to be expected.
„Just try and stay awake.“ Arthur ordered and moved to sit behind Merlin, so he could lean on him. Meanwhile, Gwaine opened the waterskin and let a few drops drizzle on Merlin’s lips.
„More, please.“ the servant mumbled with closed eyes. Keeping them open whilst sitting up and drink something was way too much for his body to handle. Gwaine started giving Merlin a few gulps of water but not too much, in case it would increase his nausea.
When he was finished, Arthur felt Merlin relax a bit more. He had been a dead weight on his chest as soon as he was sitting upright, but he could still feel the tense muscles underneath his clothes. Now, they seemed to calm and his head limply lolled against the crook of his neck. „Rest now, Merlin. But don’t you dare not waking up again.“ Arthur whispered in his ear when he realized that it would be futile, keeping him awake any longer. Once again, he heard Gaius’ voice in his head.
„When the patient is unable to stay awake any longer, it is alright to let them sleep for a short period of time. It is important to let the mind rest but crucial not to let it fall into a deep slumber. You should wake a patient once every candlemark and pose simple question, for example his name, your name, the current location or the colour of his eyes. If the patient deteriorates over time, try to keep him awake at all cost.“
Arthur just hoped that the three knights returned soon with the pain reliever. The sooner they would reach Gaius, the better.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Leon, Percival and Elyan had returned maybe an hour later with the required flower. Arthur was just about to wake Merlin, who had not yet moved since falling back asleep.
„Do you have it?“ the king asked hopefully.
„We do, yes. But I don’t know what to do with it. Does he need to eat it or what?“ Elyan shrugged with the arnica flowers in each of his hands.
„We’re about to find out. Merlin, time to wake up.“ Arthur nudged his servant from where he was still lying against his chest. „Merlin, you lazy idiot, wake up.“ he spoke directly into his ear, while shaking him with a bit more force.
„Hm… what?“ Arthur sighed with relief, hearing Merlin’s slurred words. He couldn’t deny feeling his heartbeat rise when he hadn’t woken up by the first try.
„Would you…?“ Arthur asked Leon with a silent plea. „I guess it’s easier for him when he sees the person he’s talking to.“
„Of course, sire.“ Leon replied with a smile and crouched down in front of Merlin, whose eyes started to open lazily. The sun began to rise, so the first sunbeams reached them through the trees. Luckily the heavy clouds from the night before had moved on.
„Merlin, are you with us?“ Leon asked calmly, touching Merlin’s arm in a comforting gesture. Merlin’s head was still lying in the crook of Arthur’s neck and he didn’t dare move it from this position. His eyes, although open, still looked unfocused and glazed and he continued to be deathly pale. The cold sweat seemed to have abated slightly, though.
„Yeah.“ was the warlock’s reply. He looked downright miserable.
„Do you know who I am?“ Leon’s calm voice sounded nervous for just a second. His heartbeat sped up when Merlin frowned slightly, wincing while doing so. The servant squinted his eyes before blinking a few times.
„Leon?“ he sounded unsure but luckily, his confusions seemed to have been vision related, not due to his head trauma.
„Yeah, that’s me.“ he smiled and gave his arm a light squeeze. „Do you know where we are?“
Again, there was a frown on his face, like he couldn’t quite remember, so he tried to lift his head from where it was lying on Arthur’s shoulder to look at his surroundings. He immediately cried out in pain as soon as his head was not supported anymore and from the effort it took to lift it. He closed his eyes tightly and Leon could see a lonely tear escaping from it. „It’s alright, Merlin, breathe through the pain.“ this time, it was Arthur whispering in his ear, trying to comfort him.
And so Merlin took a few unsteady breaths until they became steadier and only then, did he allow his eyes to open again. „I… I don’t… in the forest?“ he replied shakily, still unsure.
„Do you know or is it a guess?“ Leon asked again. He hated to press him like that.
„It’s a guess. I can see trees, so I assumed. I’m sorry, the pain… I can’t think, can’t concentrate.“ he mumbled weakly, wanting but not daring to shake his head.
„That’s alright, Merlin. But I need to ask you one more thing. Do you remember we searched for the arnica?“ Leon waited for some kind of confirmation and finally, Merlin blinked his eyes once and nodded only an inch, which still seemed to pain him immensely.
„That’s good. We found it but we are not sure how to give it to you. How do you consume it?“ Leon held the flower in front of Merlin, so he could see it. Again, the servant frowned and he began panting due to the effort it took to focus on something. Suddenly, everything was swaying, it was like the whole world was upside down. It made him nauseous and he desperately tried to swallow, as more and more saliva started to build inside his mouth.
„Cook the petals. Need… need to drink that.“ he blinked quickly, desperately trying to righten his vision but it seemed that everything he did only made it worse. His panting grew more rapid and loud and when he tried to lift his head again to be able to swallow better, the pain shot through him like lightning.
„Merlin?“ Leon and Arthur spoke up at the same time, seeing the clear distress in their friend’s behaviour. They only heard another cry of pain when the servant tried to lift his head again, swallowing repeatedly. That was when Leon noticed what was going on. „He’s going to be sick.“ before he could finish his sentence, Merlin desperately tried to move to the side, so as not to vomit all over himself and probably Arthur as well, just in time to loose what little water was still in his stomach.
„Elyan, Percy, cook the petals. Quickly now!“ Arthur yelled, too upset to do anything else than that and tried to keep a strong hold on his friend, so he wouldn’t topple over as he heaved.
Leon, unfortunately, had a pretty good sight at what was happening and could only watch in horror, as his friend dry heaved after nothing was left in his stomach. His face grew impossibly paler and a little drool of saliva-mixed-vomit came out of his mouth. It seemed that Merlin was finished and when Arthur was holding all of his body weight when he had to hold only half of it a few seconds prior, he started to panic. „Merlin?“ he shook him slightly but to his dismay, his head limply lolled from left to right.
„Shit, he’s passed out again!“ Arthur exclaimed and carefully guided his friend back to his chest and his head on his shoulder.
„I assume it’s from the pain, sire. He was crying out only lifting his head, imagine the pain he must have been feeling while puking.“ Leon tried to calm his king and also himself but the explanation seemed plausible. He diligently wiped the remaining saliva from Merlin’s face, eying him with reasonable concern.
„It’s ready!“ Elyan ran back to the trio with a cup of a steaming liquid in his hand.
„Great, let’s give it to him.“ Arthur tried to steady Merlin’s head, while Elyan opened his mouth and gave him only a little bit to see, if he would swallow. To everyones relief, he did and soon, he had him down the whole cup.
„Let’s get him on the horse before he wakes up.“ Arthur reasoned, beckoning Percival over to carry Merlin.
Arthur sent him a few worried glances and felt suddenly empty without Merlin’s touch against his chest. He was only gone for a few seconds but he already longed for it. He almost changed his decision and took Merlin on his horse but he knew that it was not a save and clever decision. If anyone in Camelot would see him with his servant so close, he would not only endanger himself but Merlin as well.
Together, they managed to lift him up on Leon’s horse, then mounted their own horses and began the rest of their journey home. They had about three more hours left to reach Camelot but most of it, they spent in silence. Merlin remained unconscious for about an hour when he decided to wake him again. „Merlin?“ he tried and pinched his right arm. He had assumed that it would take more this time than a slight pinch, so he shook him more forcefully and rubbed his sternum. That seemed to do the trick, when he heard a soft groan.
„Merlin, it’s me, Leon. We’re on our way back to Camelot.“ he informed him, expecting his confusion when waking up.
„L’on?“ the servant lifted his head from the knight’s shoulder and Leon was impressed that the small movement was obviously manageable because he didn’t cry out for once. The pain reliever fortunately seemed to work. „Where…?“
„You’re on my horse. We’re riding back to Camelot.“ he explained again and the servant nodded, still without being in excruciating pain. Leon smiled genuinely for the first time in the last two days. He was so glad that Merlin didn’t have to suffer so much anymore.
„Wher’s Arth’r?“ again, Leon smiled at the fondness they both had for each other. It truly warmed his heart. It was also a confirmation that he was a least mostly aware of the situation.
„I’m right here, you buffoon.“ the king spoke up from where he was riding next to them. Merlin eyed him for a second, then sighed with relief when he finally recognized him. Arthur was glad that Merlin seemed to be in remarkably less pain than before but it still frightened him, that his friend didn’t react the slightest to his banter. He’d expected an equal disrespectful insult but it never came.
„How are you feeling?“ he asked, voice turning more serious again.
„Fine.“
„Merlin…“ Gwaine warned from behind. Much to their surprise, he snorted and closed his eyes tiredly.
„Sorry. Not fine but not immediately dying, either.“ he corrected himself and laid his head back on Leon’s shoulder.
„Well, try to scratch that immediately and we’re good.“ Gwaine replied with a snicker but was honestly scared by Merlin’s choice of words. Why would he say that? What did not immediately even mean? That he would eventually? He was confused and anxious and by the looks of his fellow knights and Arthur, they were, too.
„Can I sleep again?“ Merlin asked sleepily, probably already more asleep than awake.
„Yes, get some rest. I’ll wake you again, later.“ Leon told him, while tightening the grip around him, so he wouldn’t fall off in his sleep and trotted on.
Much to his surprise, Merlin did wake on his own the next time and drowsily moved his head towards Leon with a groan. „You okay, Merlin?“ he asked immediately, concern rising again.
„It… hurts.“ as happy as he was when the pain reliever worked, as worried was he now that it had already seemed to subside. He’d hoped that it would last until Gaius could give him more.
„I know it does but we’re almost home now.“ they still had at least half an hour left and half an hour filled with pain would certainly feel like an eternity. But there was not much they could do, they had nothing more of the arnica left.
So, they moved along, with Merlin’s groan a constant background noise by now. At least he wasn’t going to be sick again. But suddenly, Leon felt Merlin’s body stiffen. „Leon…“ it was merely above a whisper, the knight had a hard time hearing it. „Leon!“ it was much louder this time, voice filled with pure terror. Leon immediately tightened his grip.
„What’s wrong?“
„I… I can’t move my right side.“
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Merlin was a lot of things. He was loyal, clumsy, selfless and brave but he was not overly anxious or frightened about things. But now, in this moment, he was feeling pure, agonizing terror. He panted so loudly, that he couldn’t even hear what Leon was saying to him. In addition, the panting made his headache at least ten times worse, which again, increased his panic. It was one endless, excruciating cycle and he really hoped it would end.
Again and again, he tried to lift his right hand or foot but they simply would not obey his commands. And every time he failed, it joined the pile of angst that would soon end up in the same endless cycle.
He was dying, he was now sure of it. There had to be some kind of damage to his brain, that slowly edged away the functional part of his left hemisphere and filled it with blood, otherwise he could still move his frigging right side! Right? He wasn’t sure if it would be a blessing or a curse if he could remember what Gaius had told him about head trauma. His memory was a blur but it wouldn’t change a thing now. Even if he would survive this, he was going to end up a drooling mess, for sure. He would never be able to work as Arthur’s servant again, maybe he would lose the ability to walk, move or even talk. Hell, he couldn’t even end this nightmare himself if it came to this. Distantly, he noticed tears streaming down his face and wondered if he would lose this ability as well. To be staring at the ceiling, with blinking the only functional skill his body possessed, was not something he had ever pictured happening to him. This can’t be happening to him. This.. this…
He felt his breathing quicken even more and he was pretty sure, that his lungs did not get enough oxygen this way. A good indication for that were the black spots that danced across his vision, mixing together with the blurriness caused by his tears. Suddenly, his throat felt like it was closing and he could not breathe properly. He clumsily lifted his left - the only functioning side, he noticed again bitterly - and grabbed his throat. As if that would help.
Soon, the dark spots grew bigger and for a second he thought, that his sight left him as well. But then he felt himself slip away and thought of nothing anymore.
___________________________
„What do you mean, you can’t feel your side, Merlin?“ Leon asked, concern rising and unconsciously tightened the grip around the servant.
Merlin did not answer him. Instead, he started panting, clearly in panic.
„What is going on?“ Arthur was at their side in an instant, having heard the commotion. When he looked into his friends’ eyes, he could see them wide open in panic while his pupils hastily moved from left to right. „Merlin?“
Just as Leon, Arthur did not get an answer, the servant didn’t seem to hear them at all.
„Leon, what is happening?“ the king demanded.
„He said he couldn’t feel his right side anymore.“ the knight replied sadly, not knowing what that would mean but surely nothing good.
„Oh my god… we need to hurry up, come on!“ with that, he spurred his horse on with a light kick to its side. Leon did the same, as did his fellow knights, Merlin’s headache be damned. This was more serious than a headache and it was way out of their league. A dark thought told him that maybe this was out of Gaius’ league as well.
„Hold on, Merlin! Breathe!“ Leon told Merlin through clenched teeth. He could feel him slip away and pant even harder than before. If he would continue like this, he’d make himself pass out.
But the servant did not listen to him, too engrossed was he in his, no doubt, horrifying thoughts, so it did not take long for him to slump forward while his head lolled limply to his chest.
„Damnit!“ the knight swore uncharacteristically and guided Merlin back to his chest, so it wouldn’t hurt his head further, being in such an awkward position.
„Is he out?“ Arthur asked out of breath, worry spiking. Leon only nodded and spurred his horse even more.
They reached Camelot in less than ten minutes and as soon as they set foot on the castle, Gwaine ran as fast as he could to inform Gaius of their arrival.
The rest of the knights helped Merlin down Leon’s horse and in Percival’s strong arms, before hastily following Gwaine.
„Gaius! Gaius!“ Gwaine yelled while running down the corridor towards the physician’s quarters, so before he reached the door, the elder man’s head was peeking out with a raised eyebrow.
„Sir Gwaine? What is the matter?“ he asked concerned when he saw the panic filled eyes of the knight.
„It’s Merlin! He’s injured! Arthur and the rest are carrying him to your room as we speak!“ he panted, completely out of breath after his sprint.
Gaius’ face hardened but the professionalism took over as he immediately began searching for various potions. „What happened to him?“
„It was a bandit attack. One of them hit his head with a club. It’s not good, Gaius.“ he added, shaking his head.
„I will assess it myself.“ he mumbled seriously but clearly more than worried about his ward. „Anything unusual except for unconsciousness, he very surely suffered from?“
„If you count a seizure and the loss of feeling to the right side as unusual, than yes!“
„What?“ the physician exclaimed, clearly distressed at what he’d just heard.
„I told you it was serious!“
Just then, Percival came running through the door with an unconscious Merlin in his arms and the others in tow.
„Lie him down on this cot.“ he ordered.
Merlin was completely limp and did not even stir as he was laid down.
„What have you done, my boy…“ Gaius mumbled to himself, so nobody heard him. He quickly examined him the best he could, before preparing a tonic over the fire.
„Will he be alright?“ Arthur dared to ask, a sad frown on his face.
„I’m afraid I cannot say just now, sire.“ Gaius had a suspicion, but he wouldn’t share it with the audience, yet. If Merlin was not to be helped any other way, he would use magic and it would clearly raise suspicion if he told them now, that Merlin probably had some kind of bleeding in his brain, when he would be completely fine the next day, healed by magic.
„I have to ask you all to step out, though. I need to concentrate and Merlin needs rest. I’ll keep you informed.“ the physician said as he ushered them out of his quarters.
They all obeyed only reluctantly, but did as they were told, for Merlin’s sake. But before Gaius closed the door, Arthur turned around again to face him. „If you can’t help him, promise me to get me before…“ he swallowed at a lump in his throat, not capable of finish the sentence, but Gaius had long figured out what he did not dare to say.
„I will, sire. Now go.“ he said softly, a kindness in his voice he wished to have heard from his father just once. The king nodded with tears in his eyes and left.
With a heavy sigh, Gaius closed the door and turned back to Merlin. The boy looked deathly pale, dark circles were visible under his eyes and a slight tremor ran through his body. The left side of his body, Gaius noticed with a sad frown. Gwaine had told the truth.
„Merlin? Wake up, my boy.“ he tried once, stroking his cheek fatherly. When he didn’t stir, he checked his pupils again if they had changed from his last exam only minutes prior. And much to his surprise, they had. When Gaius looked into Merlin’s eyes earlier, he lost his breathing for a second. His left pupil had looked normal but his right was fully blown, not reacting to light. He was trying so hard not to let his feelings betray him when he dismissed Arthur and his knights but he was pretty sure Arthur noticed his change in behaviour.
But looking at Merlin now, his pupils looked perfectly fine again. He was a very experienced physician and had seen many things in his long life but never once had a patient recovered that quickly from a head wound so severe. Well, Merlin was far from recovered but pupils didn’t just return back to normal, they had a reason to change into rigid, blown orbs after all.
Gaius only had one explanation. Merlin’s magic. It must try to heal him, desperately and slowly mending the broken parts of his body.
Quickly, the physician laid his hands on Merlin’s chest, looking at his door for unwanted onlookers just once before starting the incantation for a diagnosis.
„Hwá sy hé sár fram!“ he spoke sternly, focusing on the exact pronunciation of the words, hands shaking slightly from the effort. Gaius’ eyes shined gold for a second before turning back to their usual blue. With a sigh, he leaned back into his chair, clearly exhausted by using sorcery and closed his eyes.
The spell told him something good and something bad. The bad thing was that Merlin was indeed bleeding into his brain, hence the hemiplegia but the good thing was that his magic was trying to heal him. The only thing Gaius didn’t know though, was what would be faster. The bleeding or his magic trying to heal it. Ultimately, there was not much for Gaius to do. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t heal a bleeding brain. There were potions slowing the blood flow, yes, but they would hardly be enough. Besides, he already had bleeding to his brain, so he could give him as much blood slowing potions he wanted, he could not erase the damage already existing.
„Be strong now, Merlin. You will get through this!“ the physician ordered and opened Merlin’s mouth to give him the blood slowing potion. There was no harm trying it, he wouldn’t lose hope on him just now.
___________________
Merlin woke up in a strange place. He was lying on his back but he could not tell on what kind of ground. He blinked his eyes open blearily and sat up, wincing at his stiff joints. With a frown, he noticed there was no ground. Not a visible one, at least. When he touched the surface he was lying on, it was like he was touching water, except it wasn’t wet. It just looked like his hand was lying on a very shallow puddle. His surroundings were dark but they were not still. The blackness seemed to be intertwined with streaks of light grey and they moved. Moving was the wrong word, the blackness was smoothly flowing around him like a slowly running stream. Everywhere he looked was that same structure, the ground, the sky - if it even was the sky - and the surroundings next to him. He couldn’t tell if this place was tiny or infinitely going on with no end whatsoever.
He stood up on shaky legs but they seemed to carry him well enough for now. What was going on? Distantly, he remembered feeling miserable and in pain. He scratched his head in thought. Wait, his head. He had hit his head, that was it! And he was… dying, he was sure of it. At least it had felt that way but that didn’t explain the situation he found himself in.
„Emrys.“
Merlin hastily turned around but the voice did not come from behind it, it came from… everywhere.
„Emrys.“ the male sounding voice repeated. It sounded eery, near and distant at the same time and is was loud. Merlin confusedly put his hands on his ears but as the voice sounded again, it was equally loud. Was it coming from his head? He was going crazy, that was it!
„Emrys, listen to me.“ the warlock removed his hands again and frowned.
„Who are you and what do you want from me?“ he yelled, or at least he thought he was. His voice sounded nothing more than a whisper to his ears. He cleared his throat and tried again, only for the entity to interrupt him.
„I can hear you loud enough but it is not you who should talk.“ Merlin looked dumbfounded for a second and huffed in annoyance. He remained silent though.
„You are dying, Emrys. You are slowly succumbing to your injuries and it is only I who can help you now.“
„Who are you!“ he demanded again, getting angry and frustrated, voice still a whisper.
„I am you, Emrys.“ wait, was this Merlin’s magic talking to him? Alright, he was going crazy, he was sure of it now.
„You are dying and you can’t do anything to stop it.“
Merlin shook his head, what was it trying to tell him? That he was a useless twat? He wasn’t aware that his magic had an attitude.
„You have to let me help you, Emrys.“ This did nothing to lessen his confusion. He would really appreciate it, if the magical beings in this world would stop being so cryptic.
„What do you mean?“ now, he could actually hear his voice. Apparently it had been his turn to talk.
„You are refusing my help, that is why you are not getting better. I cannot help you, if you keep rejecting me.“
„How can I do that, I’m not even rejecting your help on purpose!“ he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air in despair.
„Let go.“
He took some deep breaths to calm himself, to find the source of his magic inside his body. He concentrated everything he had on the search and noticed distantly, that after some time, he began trembling from the effort. Suddenly, some invisible force pulled him to the center of his mind, to the roots of his magic. At once, it felt like he knew exactly what he had to do to let go of himself and let his magic to its job. So, he did it, he let go.
„You found it, Emrys.“ Merlin thought the voice sounded happy, pleased.
„Now, I can finally let myself flow through your veins to aid you heal.“ As soon as his magic finished its sentence, he felt an incredibly pleasant warmth inside his body, that spread out to his limbs and head, where it soon started to get a bit uncomfortable. He winced slightly at the sudden heat in his head but then, it was gone and his body was shivering.
„I’m afraid, this is all I can do for you, Emrys. The trauma was too grave to be healed completely but you should recover, now.“ Merlin didn’t care, he would live and that was the most important thing. He hadn’t let Arthur and Albion down, he could still serve the once and future king to fulfill his destiny and his own.
„T…thank you?“ he shook his head in disbelief. Had he really just been talking to his magic? To himself, if you were exact? He hadn’t even known this was a possibility until then.
„You have a too important destiny to fulfill, to perish at such a young age. I can feel your turmoil and let me tell you, that disconnecting your mind from your body took everything out of you, me, your magic. This is a unique occurrence and I will need time to replenish myself before I can guide you again. Take care, Emrys.“
It unnerved Merlin, that his magic could so obviously take control of him, like it had its own mind - which it apparently just proved to have - but it said it was a unique occurrence and it had helped him survive this, after all. Still, the thought sent shivers down his spine.
Without having time to prepare himself, his surroundings became pitch black and soon, his mind followed and with it, his awareness.
_________________________
Gaius watched in awe, as a golden light surrounded Merlin’s body like a cocoon, engulfing everything within. He knew it was his ward’s magic but he had never seen something like this before, such power. Merlin was indeed, the greatest sorcerer he had ever met, maybe even the greatest anyone would ever meet.
The physician just watched, barely containing himself to touch Merlin but afraid to break the bond with his magic. Then, as suddenly as the golden light appeared, it vanished again and Merlin took a deep breath.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As Merlin’s awareness returned, so did the pain and he couldn’t contain a soft whimper.
„Merlin?“ it was Gaius’ voice, he noticed. Sluggishly, he blinked his eyes open but squinted them closed again, as the light of the room hurt his already aching head even more.
„Here, drink.“ Gaius said and suddenly, there was a vial at his lips, which he downed at once. „This will ease your pain.“ he explained but Merlin had already figured as much.
Even though the tonic was not to work in the next ten minutes or so, he tried again to open his eyes, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the brightness. To his surprise, the pain was bearable this time but focusing on the physician sent another wave of pain through his skull.
„You took quite a hit, young man.“ Gaius mused, giving Merlin’s leg a light squeeze. „How are you feeling?“
„W…weird.“ Merlin rasped, coughing weakly and wincing at the pain that it caused. „Feel tired, `n pain, w`k.“ it unnerved him how he slurred his speech but his tongue felt like lead.
„That was to be expected.“ there was a moment of silence, then Gaius sighed. „Merlin, what happened?“
Merlin blinked again, feeling a little bit better the longer he was awake. „I was dreaming… or I thought I was.“ his voice sounded better already, but it was still weak and merely above a whisper. „I woke up in a strange place and my… magic spoke to me.“
Gaius lifted his eyebrow and eyed him warily. „What do you mean, your magic?“
„Quite literally what I said. My magic somehow managed to separate my mind from my body to talk to me. It said that it was trying to heal me but I was rejecting it.“ Merlin frowned, remembering the strange conversation. „I didn’t know what it meant but somehow I did know exactly what I had to do… it was really odd, Gaius. It is hard to explain.“
Gaius managed to lift his eyebrow even higher and it dawned on him just how powerful Merlin really was. Beyond anything he could’ve ever imagined. Frankly, the physician was speechless, so the silence was stretching on for a few moments, before Merlin decided to explain a bit more.
„When I finally let my magic do its job, a sudden warmth spread through my body and I felt… weightless for a second, before it started to get really painful.“ this time, Merlin sighed, looking a bit anxious. „Though it had healed the worst part, it was unable to mend me completely.“
Gaius looked dumbfounded but all of a sudden, he hugged his ward as tightly as he could without making it too painful for him. „I… I thought I lost you, Merlin. Without your magic, you would’ve already died, I’m afraid.“ never before had Merlin seen Gaius so sad and distressed and he felt very loved in that moment.
„I was dying. I felt everything. I don’t want to feel like this ever again. I was horrified!“ tears appeared in Merlin’s eyes without his consent and he sniffed them away angrily, looking at anything but Gaius.
„It’s okay to cry, my boy. You endured more than anyone could ever imagine and I hope with all my heart, that you never have to again.“ once more, he hugged his ward and this time, he returned it.
„Gaius… my arm. I still can’t lift it.“ Merlin’s voice was panicked and as the physician drew back, he saw Merlin’s right arm lying limply next to his body.
„I feared as much. Your magic said it healed the worst of it, it was referring to the bleeding in your brain, I take it. The damage the bleeding had caused, could not have been undone immediately.“
New tears started to build and flew freely down Merlin’s cheeks. „W…what are you saying?“ he sniffed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.
Gaius sighed again, „I don’t know, Merlin. The hemiplegia could still be a result of the head trauma and diminish in some time but if the bleeding had already damaged too much, I’m afraid it will stay this way.“ the physician looked at the floor, a sudden wetness in his eyes made his vision blurry.
„I will never be able to walk again! I can’t serve Arthur anymore, can’t help you with your patients, can’t even help myself, argh!“ Merlin’s outburst caused him to cry out at the tremendous amount of pain shooting through his head and he clutched it weakly with his left hand. „I don’t want to live like this! I can’t! I won’t!“ he cried, as Gaius held him tightly to his chest, stroking his raven locks.
„Shhh… we will get through this, my boy. We will.“ he spoke calmly at him but couldn’t hide his own tears anymore. This broke him almost as much as it did Merlin, he couldn’t watch him suffer like this.
After agonizing long minutes, the exhaustion and the pain finally took over and lulled Merlin to sleep. Gaius hoped it was a healing sleep but gave him a sleeping draught just to make sure his ward rested enough. The older man leaned back in his chair and ran a hand over his tired face. What had Merlin done to deserve such agony? He was just a boy, a brave, loyal and friendly young boy. Gaius shook his head sadly and took Merlin’s, cold, limp right hand in his, stroking it gently.
He watched Merlin like this for about an hour, then decided to clean his wound, if there still even was one. The draught he gave the boy was strong enough that he would not wake, so he carefully removed the bandages around his head and inspected the wound. Unfortunately, his magic hadn’t healed the huge, angry looking cut at Merlin’s temple. It had already been stitched, no doubt by Sir Leon, who had a very skilled hand, so it was no longer bleeding. Still, the wound stretched from above his left ear about seven centimeters to his eyebrow and Gaius was sure it would leave quite a scar. With nimble hands, he cleaned and disinfected the wound, then bandaged it again with clean linen.
While Gaius washed his hands in the wooden basin on the table, there was a knock at the door. He sighed, he had been wondering how long Arthur could endure the uncertainty.
„Sire.“ he greeted his king as he opened the door, stepping aside to let him in.
„How is he?“ Arthur asked while quickly walking towards his - way too still - servant. Merlin was almost translucent, skin too pale with dark bags under his eyes and they seemed to be sunken in. His lips were slightly parted and his face appeared to be completely slack. Arthur’s breath hitched. „Gaius, is.. is he…?“
„No, sire. He’s just in very deep sleep.“ the physician assured him.
„Thank God. How is he?“ Arthur repeated again. His heart had been pounding so hard in his chest when he dreaded the worst and now, as the adrenaline diminished, he was feeling slightly out of breath. He sat down on the vacant chair next to Merlin’s bed and eyed his servant warily.
Frankly, Gaius didn’t know what to tell him. He obviously couldn’t tell him about Merlin’s magic healing him, so he had to think about a plausible explanation. Arthur was clueless about most things medical related, so it just had to sound convincing. „I fear there is some kind of bleeding to his brain but it seemed that it had stopped on its own. Whether it was due to the medicine I gave him or his own body fighting it, I can’t say but he is currently not deteriorating.“ well, he was mostly honest, at least.
Arthur sighed in relief and smiled for the first time in two days. „So, this imbecile can polish my armour first thing in the morning!“ he hadn’t really meant it, of course, but when Gaius’ face turned serious, a shiver ran down his spine.
„Sire, I’m afraid Merlin will need a lot of time to recover. He woke earlier but still couldn’t move his right side. Whether this is temporary or permanent, I cannot say, yet.“ Gaius looked genuinely concerned and Arthur felt a new wave of fear coming.
„So, it’s possible he won’t be walking again? This… Gaius, this can’t be true.“ he huffed, eyes wide with fear. The physician just shook his head.
„This is not something that can be changed, Arthur. But Merlin is strong, and he will fight it with everything he has. He will need your help during this process, sire. You mean more to him than you can imagine.“ Arthur blinked sluggishly, trying to process this information. What did Gaius mean by that?
„Arth`r.“ Merlin mumbled tiredly and Arthur immediately grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.
„I’m right here, Merlin. You’ve slept enough, open your eyes.“ the king tried to be commanding, but his soft voice betrayed him. Surprisingly, Merlin did as he was told and Arthur thought briefly if his brain had been damaged more than they thought, following orders so willingly.
„You’re here.“ Merlin whispered, the slurring was finally subsiding.
„Of course I am. Nobody else reminds you to scrub my floor, polish my armour, sharpen my sword and finally bring me my breakfast. I’m starving!“
„Would do you no harm, clotpole.“ Merlin jested and oh was he glad that his headache was finally abating to a dull throb. A throb that was very much manageable.
„What did you just say?“ Arthur exclaimed, opening his mouth like a dead fish. He looked utterly ridiculous.
„I’m not feeding you, you can close your mouth again.“
Arthur scoffed, „The audacity!“ he looked at Gaius with feigned incredulity. „Can you believe this man?“
Gaius only snickered and shook his head. „Oh, you can handle him well, I see. I will leave you two alone for a while. I have to make my rounds.“ the physician said and grabbed his satchel. Merlin was relatively fine for now, so he had no concerns leaving him in the good hands of King Arthur.
When Gaius had left, Arthur turned to Merlin, face more serious. „For real now, how are you feeling, Merlin. And please, be honest.“
Merlin swallowed around a lump in his throat, he remembered the outburst he had earlier and really didn’t want to have a similar one when Arthur was near. It had been embarrassing enough as it was with Gaius. „Better than I was before, but… Arthur I’m useless.“ he muttered sadly, grasping the light blanket with his left hand.
„I will stop you right there.“ the king said sternly, „You are not, nor will you ever be, useless in your entire live, you hear me? I trust no one as much as I trust you, I would give my life for you in a heartbeat. You are my best friend, my most trusted advisor and the man I share laughs and tears with. So, don’t you dare telling me you’re useless, because you are my whole world, Merlin.“ Arthur had tears in his eyes, that were threatening to fall as he swallowed heavily.
Merlin was speechless. Never in his life had he thought that he meant so much to the king. The way they treated each other was way beyond a king-to-servant relationship, he knew that but hearing how much love the king had for Merlin, made his heart flutter.
„You are truly the best man there is. The people of Camelot are very lucky to have you as their king and I know that you will bring peace to the lands of Albion again. I trust you with my life and as I told you multiple times in the past, I will be at your side until the day I die. You mean more to me than you can ever imagine, Arthur. My love for you is…“ and now he said it. He really didn’t want to but his mouth had been faster than his brain, as it was most of the time. Face turning red from shame, he averted his gaze but Arthur gently grabbed his chin and turned it in his direction again.
„Don’t you dare be ashamed of this.“ the king spoke softly. Merlin could feel his hot breath on his lips as he moved closer and closer until Arthur’s lips finally met his. Merlin had imagined this moment a million times in his dreams but never had he thought that it would actually come true. Arthur’s lips felt as smooth as silk and the warlock couldn’t suppress a soft groan. His heart beat impossibly fast inside his chest and the sudden warmth that spread through his body felt utterly pleasant. Never had he felt like this before and he hoped that this moment would go on forever. However, Arthur stopped abruptly and broke the kiss with a look surprise.
„Merlin, your hand! It moved!“ Merlin followed Arthur’s gaze to his right hand, that the king still held tightly in his and when he tried to lift a finger, it obeyed his command! Then, he tried to wiggle his toes and they too, did as they were told. Not nearly as strong as they should but at least, they moved.
„Arthur, I can move them again!“ Merlin exclaimed, eyes wide with joy.
„This is a miracle!“ the king’s face was full of happy tears. „You are a miracle.“ he spoke softly and caressed Merlin’s cheek before bending down to meet his beautifully red lips again. Merlin gladly returned the kiss and gave Arthur’s hand a weak squeeze with his right hand.
When he woke up a few hours ago, he had never imagined to be moving again, just yet. He was drowning in misery and dreaded the following days, months, even years. Every free moment, he thought about how much of a nuisance he would be for his friends, how much sorrow they would have to endure because of him.
Then, Arthur came and changed his life in a matter of minutes. Love was a strange thing but Merlin was sure, that it had been Arthur’s love that had saved his life.