Work Text
“Let me
hold the door for you.
I may have
never walked
in your shoes,
but I can see
your soles are worn,
your strength is torn
under the weight of a story
I have never lived before.
Let me hold the door for you.
After all you’ve walked through,
It’s the least I can do.”
Jared
Jared pretty much flies through the court. They’re one point behind with 1.3 seconds left on the clock, but Jared isn’t even worried. He effortlessly dribbles the ball left and right, leaving his opponents behind. He tricks Adams with a fake shot, but at the last second he throws a no-look at Ackles. Jared instinctively knows the man is already in the air as he passes the ball, and sure enough half a second later, Ackles is dunking the ball into the basket as effortlessly as if he were 7’0’’. The asshole.They win, of course they do. Jared had no doubt they would score those last two points and turn the game around. That’s how awesome they are. When he and Ackles are playing together, they’re almost invincible and everyone knows it. The referee’s shrill whistle announces the end of the match and all the teammates gather at the center of the court to celebrate. But even though the team won because of the magic that Jared and Jensen perform together at the court, the two of them barely look at each other. They don’t congratulate, hug or even touch the other in any way. There’s something that can pass for a small acknowledgment nod, and that’s it.Around them their home crowd goes wild, everyone is shouting J-SQUARED! J-SQUARED! J-SQUARED! like their lives depend on it, and Jared tries to tune them out. It’s not that he hates the nickname. Well, except that he does. He curses five generations of the unfortunate soul who came up with this brilliant joint nickname for himself and Ackles.It leaves Jared torn because he wishes the crowd would scream just his name. He wishes he was the only star in the team because he knows he’s that good. But also, Jared is realistic enough to know he’s at his best when playing next to Ackles. By some fucked up twist of the universe, they are perfect together on the court, it’s like they can read each other’s mind and predict their movements even before they happen. When Jared throws the ball, he knows Ackles will catch and dunk it, he doesn’t even have to look at him. And Ackles also knows Jared will catch a rebound and score whenever he misses a shot. Ackles is the best power forward and Jared is the best pivot. It wasn’t always like that, they had to reach a middle ground so they could play together and not kill each other for the same position, which is what used to happen.When they were finally able to play together, they realized they were pretty good with each other for some reason. People have the audacity to call them basketball soulmates. Like such a thing ever existed. And if it does, Jared passes on that title with Ackles, thanks a lot.They finally go to the locker room and after showering, Jared gets dressed right next to Ackles.“Nice match today, Pads. You learned to run like that with Grams?”“Ha! My great grandfather could have made that game winner with that perfect assist from yours truly.”“Ha, you wish you could slam dunk so perfectly like that.”Jared scoffs. “And you wish you weren’t a midget.”Jensen laughs out loud as he shoulders his duffel. “You wish you could fly as high as this midget here. I know you cry at night dreaming about my jams. Your mama told me.”Jensen turns around to walk away as Jared gives him the finger. “Fuck you Ackles!”Jensen turns his face and blows a kiss at Jared. “Kiss my ass, Pads! See ya!”It’s just another regular day in the locker room.*The next morning Jared stops by the cafeteria at the campus for some much needed coffee before his first class of the day, and as he leaves it he double checks to see Ackles making out with his girlfriend Danneel pressed up against the side wall of said cafeteria. Jared doesn’t want to, but his gaze stays on them for two seconds longer than absolutely necessary. Why does he have to eat her face like this? Jesus Christ, get a room.Jared walks away with his coffee tasting more bitter than it should, even if he added three packets of sugar and some cream to it. He tries to get Ackles out of his mind but it’s useless. The guy is such a dick. And it’s so tasteless to make out like this with his girlfriend, it’s barely 8 am for Christ’s sake.Damned be the day that Ackles transferred to UT Austin.It had been mutual dislike at first sight. Way before Ackles disembarked at the campus. Jared knew him already, the guy used to be part of the UT Dallas team, and they had played against each other on a few occasions. Their animosity went much further than just the fact they were rivals on the court. The first time Ackles shoved Jared aside to steal the ball from him to perform one of his “signature slam dunks” - as Ackles himself calls them (eyeroll) - and then fucking winked at Jared as if he was some better shit or something, Jared already hated him.
“I’m impressed that a midget like you can jump this high Ackles,” Jared had approached Ackles during halftime since he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Do you have springs hidden in your sneakers or something? Should I alert the ref?”
The guy had lifted an eyebrow and gave Jared an onceover. “Some nerve you got in you…” He trailed off and checked the back of Jared’s jersey to see his name as if he didn’t know. Jared knew he was just being an extra dick. “...Pada…what? Sorry, don’t know how to pronounce that. Are you being eaten inside by worms with the fact that this midget here jumped on your head to score those shots? Did I set your panties on fire?”
Jared felt a sudden urge to just punch that stupid face until it looked like a puree.
“Fuck you, Ackles.”
“You kiss your mama with that mouth, Padasomething? And no thanks, I’ll pass. Now let’s go back so I can finish kicking your ass.”
So that’s how their animosity started, and it kept going as they met on occasion to play against each other. They would always tease and mock each other, even while committing fouls during the game as they bumped much harder than necessary against one another. Jeff once even gave Jared an earful and threatened to bench him if he didn’t get off Ackles’ ass.But apart from that animosity whenever they played against Dallas, Jared was the only star on the basketball team. He was the power forward in the team, responsible for scoring as many points as possible. That is, before The Powers That Be decided Jared was mocking material and that Ackles should come play for his team too. For some unknown reason, which Jared can only interpret as the Universe hating him in particular, Jensen Ackles had transferred from Dallas to the Austin campus. Jared heard that his family had relocated, but Jared failed to understand why Ackles couldn’t stay in Dallas if he was going to college already. It’s not like he needs to follow mommy and daddy anymore.But despite the reason, Ackles ended up joining their basketball team and when he was first introduced by the coach, who proudly announced that Ackles was now on their team, Jared thought he was having a nightmare. And a particularly awful one when Jeff reminded everyone that Ackles was a power forward - like Jared himself.“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Is there a problem, Padalecki?” The coach asked, looking at Jared with a raised brow.
Jared scoffed, taking one step forward and motioning to Ackles, giving him a disdainful look. “Come on, coach. He can’t be a power forward in this team, there’s no way.”
Ackles also took a step forward and lifted his chin. “And why not, may I ask? As far as I remember, I kicked your ass a few times being a power forward at Dallas.”
Jared gave Ackles an onceover and looked back at Jeff. “I don’t know if you forgot it Jeff, but this team already has a power forward and that’s me.”
Ackles lifted both eyebrows and jutted his chin. “Afraid you’re gonna lose the position, Padababy? If you’re so great at it, you have nothing to worry about, do you? Let’s just see who’s better at it.”
Jared took a step forward. “Is that a dare?”
Ackles shrugged. “You’re the one who thinks you’re irreplaceable in the team. But hey, if you’re so good, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Jared took another step forward and Jeff finally intervened.
“ENOUGH. I don’t want to see this third grade bickering bullshit here, you hear me? We’re all part of the same team now, and whoever is playing better, will start the game. And if anyone is unhappy, the door is over there.” Jeff made a pause and nobody dared to move, so he continued. “Good, so now let’s practice so Jensen can start feeling the vibe of the team. I'm gonna put each of you on a different team today and please don’t kill each other.”
They started playing, and even though Jared held his own pretty good, managing to block Ackles and score a three-pointer, that was pretty much all he accomplished. Ackles’ team smashed them, the way he dribbled and bounced the ball was insane. Jared would never admit it but he was seriously worried about his future in the team with Ackles being apparently much better than him at the same position.
Fuck.
When the game ended Ackles shoved the ball on Jared forcefully, giving him a smirk that made Jared want to punch his face repeatedly.
“Convinced I’m better than you as power forward?”
Instead of answering, Jared turned to the coach. “I’m still the power forward. And I won’t give up my position that easily.”
“We’ll just have to wait and see,” Ackles said behind him, and Jared murmured a ‘fuck off’ that he wasn’t sure Ackles heard or not, and didn’t care. Jared let out a breath, rubbing his face with a hand. He knew Ackles meant trouble for him from now on.
And yes, Ackles was a pain in Jared’s ass from day one as part of the same team. He fought hard for his position and it was exhausting. Jared didn’t want to give in and that was a cause for some fights with Ackles. Jared could see the coach was torn since Jared had been on the team for much longer but Ackles was - and again it pained Jared deeply to admit it - incredible in his position. Jared didn’t go without a fight though, and their bickering in the locker room started. They’d go at each other pretty much the whole time they were in it, their animosity creating a very weird mood among their teammates.When Jeff, the coach, told Jared he would bench him for the next game and Ackles would start because he was simply the best at the position at the time, and if Jared wanted to keep playing he would have to come up with a plan B, Jared was furious at first. He didn’t want to give in, he wanted to just quit the team. But quitting would mean giving up on his dream, and also probably losing his scholarship. Oh and above it all, admit his defeat to Ackles.He had talked with his friend and roommate Chad, calling Ackles a number of names he could think of, and grumpily admitting the son of a bitch was good, and Chad was as straightforward as always.
“Dude, just change positions and be done with it. If the guy is so good like you said, it’s best for the team to have him. You’re being selfish not wanting him to play. If you were the best choice for the position, Jeff wouldn’t have benched you. You’re just thinking about yourself and not the team. And you’re only grumpy like this about Ackles because you’re not the sole star anymore.”
Jared hates it when Chad is right and even more when he calls Jared on his bullshit.So Jared relented and accepted to play as a pivot, which is of course also a very important position. It was just the principle of it. And something odd happened the first time he and Ackles played together and not on opposite sides.They were awesome together.It’s like that chemistry you only find a few times in life. They fit like two pieces of a puzzle, like one predicted the other’s movement even before they happened. The whole team was in awe as the practice ended, and Jeff congratulated both of them, grinning from ear to ear, saying they were born to play together. Jared barely looked at Ackles, they just offered the tiniest nod to each other in acknowledgment. And of course, the bickering in the locker room continued.
“So graceful of you to accept changing positions for my benefit, Padaloser. Guess you don’t want to warm up the bench, huh?”
Jared huffled. “Fuck off. I’m just doing what’s best for the team. If it means having to be stuck with you so we can win games, so be it.”
Jared grabbed his duffel and walked out of the locker room, then he felt a hand grabbing his forearm. He turned around and found none other than Ackles touching him, and he yanked his arm away.
“What??”
Ackles looked at him pointedly. “Look. I know you have a problem with me. And believe me when I say this, I’m not crazy about you either. But we’re good together, we can’t deny it. We have good chemistry on the court. I think we could do something great here, the two of us together. I say we leave this animosity for outside of the court. We don’t have to like each other, but we need to create some respect so we can play together. We need to take one for the team, quite literally.”
Jared studied Ackles for a few moments, clenching his jaw. He hated to admit when the jerk was right.
“Alright, fine. We can work together on the court so we can help the team. It doesn’t mean we need to host tea parties and braid each other’s hair, right? Our… bond or whatever it is that we have, ends the moment we step off the court. Okay?”
Ackles nodded. “Deal. See ya next practice.”
With that he walked away, leaving Jared fuming for being put in this unbelievable position.
*Jared goes to his first class of the day, but he can’t take the image of Ackles and his girlfriend out of his mind, as much as he tries. And he tries a LOT. It’s not the first time Jared has seen the guy with Danneel, no. Ackles is always parading around with her, like they’re fucking homecoming queen and king or attending an Oscars ceremony. They’re like the all-american perfect couple with their perfect relationship, perfect lives, perfect faces… not that Jared has noticed Ackles’ perfect face, he hasn’t.Okay, Jared can’t deny that Ackles is kind of good looking. Okay, very good looking. Fine, the man is ridiculously gorgeous with a perfect face, perfect eyes, perfect hair, perfect lips. It’s impossible not to notice. Jared is a gay dude - albeit not out - so of course he notices those kinds of things. It doesn’t mean Jared still can’t hate him and notice his good looks.And that’s another thing. Jared is pretty sure Ackles has an extra problem with him with the fact that he’s gay. Not that Jared told him he is, of course not. Very few people know about Jared’s sexual orientation, actually. He has never felt confident enough to come out of the closet. He comes from a religious family where homossexuality is frowned upon, so he could never bring himself to come out to them. He managed to get away from San Antonio to go to college so he could at least stay away from all that religious crap.But Jared also hasn’t been able to be himself in college, either. He became the most important player in the basketball team, and he has a reputation (and a scholarship) to maintain. He knows Austin is progressive but he isn’t sure just how far that goes regarding the players on the basketball team. Jared doesn’t know if he’s being silly or not, but he has so far preferred to keep his homossexuality to himself and those who absolutely need to know. And now Ackles as well.It was of course never Jared’s intention to have Ackles find out. Not even his teammates know about it. But he recently learned it anyway. There had been a game at their campus a couple months ago, Austin of course won with Jared and Ackles being awesome together as usual. After the game, they all spent some time in the locker room chatting and showering and changing so they could go home. Jared stayed longer than usual since he had spent a while talking to the coach, so he still needed to shower. Everyone left except for Jared, and after he got out of the shower and was getting dressed, his fuck buddy Stephen entered the locker room. He had been watching the game, and had messaged Jared asking if he was up to do something after it. Jared had let Stephen know he was still in the locker room, so Stephen decided it was a good idea to go meet him.The thing Jared has with Stephen is… well. It’s nothing serious. Stephen has become his friend, they have some classes together and their dorms are on the same floor, so they’re always bumping into each other. At one frat party about a year ago, they got shitfaced and ended up making out, that’s how they learned about the other’s sexuality. So they started this thing, whenever they’re not really doing anything else, they meet up so they can make out, or have sex. It’s nice, Jared cares about Stephen. He’s a nice guy and obscenely hot, the sex is good. He doesn’t have any further feelings for Stephen though, and vice versa. They’ve been pretty clear about that. They’re good friends with some extra benefits, and that’s great for them. Neither wants a more serious commitment so it works perfectly.As Stephen met Jared in the locker room, they started making out pressed up against the lockers, enjoying the empty place.Well, almost empty, since of course Murphy exists and Jensen “Worst-timing-in-the-world” Ackles chose that specific moment to go back to the locker room. And caught Stephen with his hand literally in Jared’s boxers. Jared didn’t even hear Ackles coming back, he only froze on the spot when a very well known voice spoke next to them, sounding completely in shock.“What the actual fuck is this??”Jared pushed Stephen away immediately, and stared in shock at Ackles’ equally shocked face. Time stood still for a few moments, and Jared tried to get himself together. He cleared his throat.“A-Ackles? What are you doing here?” He adjusted his boxers and reached for his t-shirt, not missing the way Jensen gave him a full onceover and then looked at Stephen. When he looked back at Jared he seemed lost.“I– sorry, I forgot my phone. I didn’t know… I mean. I think I should go. Sorry to interrupt.”Ackles had a very weird look on his face, and Jared worried he could spill the beans about what he saw. Jared just couldn’t have that. So the next day, Jared waited for Ackles outside the court as they headed to practice. As Ackles finally appeared, Jared approached him.“Hey Ackles. A word?”Ackles looked at him with a brow raised. “What?”Jared pursed his lips. “Look, we both know what you saw. And I need to talk to you about it.”Ackles lifted both his hands in front of him. “I don’t know what we could possibly have to talk about. I think the images speak for themselves.”Jared let out a breath. “Yes, they do. You know now that I’m well… I’m gay. I just want to know if you intend to do something with this information. Because well… I wouldn’t like for others to know about it. Especially the team.”Ackles chuckled. “Afraid I’m gonna spill your dirty little secret about what you’re up to in the locker room after hours to our team pals? Think they’d like to know about it?”Jared clenched his jaw, dreading washing over him. Apparently Ackles sensed his distress as he let out a breath and placed both hands on his waist, looking at his feet for a moment then back at Jared.“Look, Padalecki. You don’t need to worry about me spilling the beans about what I saw. I’m not like that, I would never out a person against their will. But please be more careful about the… things you do in public. Because even though it’s a locker room, it’s still a public place. And it could've been Jeff instead of me walking back in. And I can’t imagine the kind of trouble you’d be in if he caught you pretty much inside another dude’s pants in the locker room. I don’t want our team to suffer because one of our most important players can’t keep it inside his pants. So be more careful, please.”With that Ackles walked into the court, leaving a stunned Jared behind. And if possible, Jared hated Ackles even more after that day. He sounded so arrogant and superior, as if what Jared did was inexcusable. Jensen himself is always parading around with his perfect girlfriend, and Jared can’t make out with a guy because… what? Because it's a guy? Is Jensen homophobic or some shit like this? Is he grossed out by Jared?If that was the case, Ackles has never let it show while they’re playing together. He acts like nothing happened, as if he hadn’t learned Jared likes dicks not chicks, their game chemistry as great as always. Outside, of course, they act as if they don’t even know each other. Ackles always has Danneel attached to him whenever possible, as if he’s trying to prove a straight (ha!) point.Jared hates him. He hates that dude so. Damn. Much. He hates everything that Ackles represents. How he has a perfect life working part time for daddy’s company and probably has a very fat trust fund. How he drives a fancy new car and Jared has a beat up old thing. How he can parade around with his hot girlfriend, and Jared has to fuck his partners in the dark, as if he was committing a crime, having to hide who he truly is. How he came in after the game had already started and stole Jared’s position simply because he’s better than Jared. How everything about Ackles is just perfect, how there doesn’t seem to be a single flaw about the dude.Jared doesn’t want to admit that he’s jealous, but yeah maybe he is a bit. Or a lot. He’s jealous about how some people win the lottery of life and have simply everything going on for them, while others get shoved to the side and have to be content with scraps.Jared hates Ackles so much. Fuck him for being so damn perfect.
Jensen
Jensen arrives at his dad’s company after the basketball match, and walks into the man’s office.“Hey dad, I’m here.”Alan looks up from his computer and purses his lips. “You’re late.”Jensen rolls his eyes internally. “I had a basketball match. I told you that yesterday. We won by the way, thanks for asking.”Alan scoffs. “I don’t know how long you’re going to play this… sport. I told you already, Jensen. You’re wasting your time chasing after a ball while you could be studying more, or here at the company working.”Jensen feels his blood boiling, this isn’t the first time they’ve had conversations like this and he always hates it so damn much.“You know, I’m sure every parent out there would be damn proud that their kid got a full ride at a college like the University of Texas - offered by two campi by the way - to play basketball. Except you.”Alan lifts an eyebrow. “I could pay your tuition, you didn’t need a basketball scholarship.”Jensen pretends he didn’t hear his father, and goes on. “Oh and I’m also sure every parent out there would just love to attend their son’s games, especially when said son is one of the best power forwards in the whole state and wins every game he plays. Except you, apparently. You haven’t been to one of my games for years, dad.”Jensen can’t keep the hurt tone from his voice, but Alan doesn’t even notice it. And doesn’t care.“I’m sorry if I’m a busy man and can’t take time off to go see you throwing a ball around, Jensen. The world doesn’t work like that.”Jensen tries to act like he doesn’t care, but it’s hard. “You don’t even know how good I am, dad. You haven’t seen me play since middle school. I’m here, I work for you like you want me to. It wouldn’t hurt for you to come to the court once.”Alan brushes him off. “What you should really do is spend your free time here learning the ropes for your future. Take your brother for example. He never wasted his time with nonsense. He started working here the moment he started college. And even before, he was already here learning what he could. He dedicated all of his time to studying and this company. He has no time for silly things, so he will go far. You should really pay more attention to him and try to follow his steps.”Jensen deflates, there’s no point. He just gives his father a nod and leaves his office, going to his own much smaller office. He powers up his laptop and watches as the system starts, but his mind is far away.It’s always, always Josh. Josh is the golden, perfect son. The one who does nothing wrong, ever. The one who follows daddy’s steps like a dog, bowing his head and accepting everything. Always making sure he’s so obedient and hard-working. The son that Alan has no problem showing is the perfect example. Meanwhile, Jensen… No matter how much Jensen tries, he’s always the pariah. Always the one who can’t do anything right. He’s always being compared to Josh, the perfect child. Nothing that Jensen does is enough, his father always finds something to criticize him for.Nobody in his family cares about his talent. It doesn’t matter how good Jensen is at basketball, it has never been anyone’s priorities. And Jensen has been in love with the sport since he was little. Basketball is his life, he started playing at a young age and never stopped. He has been part of his school’s teams since elementary school. In high school he was the star of the team, leading them to win a number of championships, and even being elected homecoming king. Jensen was one of the most popular kids at school due to his talent. He worked hard to get himself a scholarship using this talent, and he got it. Jensen even got more than one, he was accepted in a number of colleges across the country, but his father made him choose the University of Texas in Dallas so he wouldn’t be far away and could work for the family’s company, like Alan planned. Not that it was a bad university, it’s just that Jensen couldn’t even choose.His stellar career continued in college, he joined the team right away and quickly made his way to become the most valuable player. Basketball means everything to Jensen, it’s the air that he breathes. His personal dream is someday becoming an NBA player, he knows he can do it. Even though Jensen’s tall he doesn’t have the usual height for players, but he knows he makes up with raw talent. He can jump higher and run faster than anyone he came across. Jensen knows he can achieve his dream, he knows he’s good, it’s the one thing he’s good at. If only his family also cared about it.Alan is always busy with work. He has been to a handful of games when Jensen was in middle school, but never more. There’s always an excuse. His mother is more worried about her socialite friends, she claims she’s not interested in basketball and also always has an excuse. Josh also attended a number of games when they were younger, but as they grew older and apart, he stopped going as well. Everyone in his family has more important things to do than watch Jensen play, so he stopped caring about his family as well.Jensen works for Alan’s company since his father pretty much demanded it of him, but Jensen hates it. He only does it so as not to cause an even bigger rift between them, and also for the money. Jensen uses the salary to pay rent of a small apartment near campus he shares with his buddies Chris and Steve, and to support himself. He also pays for the expenses of the car his father gave him, and obviously on dates with Danneel as well as outings with his friends which are an escape valve for Jensen. Jensen does have a trust fund from his grandparents, but he chooses not to touch it for now.There’s also the matter that Jensen had to relocate to Austin because of his father. He was well settled in Dallas, which is his hometown, was playing for the campus basketball team, and everything was good. But then his father had the brilliant idea to relocate his business to Austin due to a profitable partnership, and dragged Jensen along. He didn’t want to come, he was already in college for god's sake. But no, Alan demanded that Jensen transfer to the Austin campus so he could keep working for the company. “Josh is coming, you have to come too,” was what Alan said. Josh, always Josh. Luckily Jensen was able to keep his scholarship with the transfer, but he wasn’t happy to be leaving his friends and especially his team behind.Jensen tries to focus on his tasks for the day, but his mind keeps replaying the game from earlier. It was so damn perfect. It was hard leaving the Dallas team, but Austin is great too. And after he joined it, for sure it became even better than Dallas. It pains Jensen to admit it, but it’s due to the chemistry he has with Padalecki on the court. They’re almost unbeatable.Jensen knows Padalecki has a problem with him from the very first day they played against each other. The guy couldn’t stand how Jensen pretty much humiliated him on the court. It was dislike at first sight, and it was mutual. Padalecki is a cocky, arrogant dick and Jensen never had patience for him. When Jensen transferred to Austin, his biggest concern was playing alongside Padalecki. He knew it meant trouble. Padalecki was the star of Austin just as Jensen was the star of Dallas, so it couldn’t be good to join those two in the same team.And of course he was right. Their animosity grew as they began playing for the same team and it became clear that Jensen was going to steal his position as power forward. Jensen couldn’t help it, he’s better than Jared at the position and he knows that. Padalecki could go find another position if he wanted to. Jensen wouldn’t do it, he would never give up on his signature slam dunks, the thing he’s best at.Finally Padalecki apparently relented, and to Jensen’s utter surprise, they clicked instantly when they played together for the first time. Jensen can’t explain, but it’s like Padalecki and he can read each other’s mind as they play together. Jensen has never had a teammate he had so much chemistry with than what he has with Padalecki. They’re pretty much invincible together.It doesn’t mean things got easier between them. Quite the contrary. The perfect chemistry they have pretty much dissolves the moment they step outside the court. Padalecki annoys the shit out of Jensen, they’re always bickering and going at each other in the locker room. Outside the basketball context, they pretend they don’t even know each other. They ignore one another completely around the university, and Jensen is fine with that. As long as Padalecki doesn’t give him any trouble.The thing that threw Jensen off a bit - or a lot - was when he caught Padalecki making out with a dude in the locker room after a match. So far, he had no idea the dude was gay. Not that he cared of course. He never spent any time thinking about Padalecki’s love life. But he wasn’t expecting it and he was shocked. And something stirred in him as he watched that dude with his hand inside Padalecki’s boxers. Something very deep hit him, something Jensen purposefully ignored completely and pushed away as fast as it surfaced. He ruled it out, telling himself he's just annoyed that Padalecki was so unprofessional as to fuck a dude right after a game in the locker room where everyone could see them. The nerve.And to make matters worse, Padalecki had even more nerve to ask Jensen not to tell anyone. Jensen had to laugh at that, he pretty much had Padalecki in his hand. If he was a tiny bit more of a dick, he would bring this to Jeff’s attention and Padalecki’s future on the team could be in jeopardy. But Jensen isn’t like that, he wouldn’t do such a thing even to an asshole like his teammate. Especially since Jensen considers himself bi. He has experimented a bit here and there at college and he can say he likes to stick his dick in dudes too. Not that he does it often. And now, less than ever since he’s dating Danneel Harris, one of college's hotties. Danni is alright and the sex is good, so Jensen is content.He does it mostly so his father will get off his ass. He claims that his sons need to find respectable girls and eventually marry them, so they can give Alan grandchildren who will one day be heirs too. Jensen doesn’t know if Danneel will be the one, but they have fun together. Alan doesn’t know about Jensen’s bi tendencies, and Jensen doesn’t plan on telling him. It doesn’t matter anyway. He wouldn’t even mind parading with a hot dude right in front of Alan’s nose just to piss him off, but Jensen honestly doesn’t want another confrontation. So he allows his father to think he has a nice, proper girlfriend and someday he will pop the question.Meanwhile Jensen has fun and tries to prove over and over again he’s nothing like his brother. Since Alan loves to compare Jensen to Josh so much, Jensen has rebelled against the perfect role model and doesn’t waste an opportunity to do the exact opposite of what his brother would do. For example, leaving work only a couple of hours after arriving since he’s done for the day.On his way out, of course he runs into Mr. Perfect walking out of his own office.“Oh Jensen, hey. Where are you going?”Jensen rolls his eyes and not just internally. “Hello, Joshua. I’m going out to see if I can meet some friends. I feel like going out for drinks.”Josh lifts an eyebrow. “Jensen, it’s the middle of the day. You have work to do, you can’t just leave like that!”Jensen chuckles. “Oh really? And what are you going to do then? Tell on me to daddy? Oh please go ahead. You’re the perfect son anyways, he can add that to my pile too. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he fires me, so who knows, I can go back to Dallas and be away from you people.”Josh lets out a breath. “Why are you so difficult, Jensen?”Jensen studies his brother for a moment, his perfectly tailored suit, not a hair out of place. “I had a basketball game today, you know? We won, of course. I’m tired, it was a long day. I want to blow off some steam. You can stay here since nobody does the job as well as you, Joshy. I’m sure dad will understand, you’re here anyways. And one more disappointment won’t kill me. Bye, bro. See ya around.”With that Jensen is gone. He calls Chris to see where he’s at, and his friend says he’s just getting out of work. Jensen suggests going to their usual bar. Chris is game so he meets his friend there.*There’s a fraternity party on the weekend, and Jensen could use the excuse to blow off some steam. Usually he’s not crazy about the fraternity types, Chris and Steve don’t like them either, but it’s a good opportunity to get drunk. Jensen takes Danni, since she’s also in the mood for a good party, and off they all go. There’s cheap beer and vodka, and it’s fine with Jensen. He’s already had a number of beers and is completely in the party mood when he spots someone he really hoped he wouldn’t. Padalecki is here with his sidekick - Murray, Jensen thinks but doesn’t care - and the guy Jensen saw Padalecki making out with in the locker room. Something stirs inside of him but Jensen shoves it down, adding some vodka to his system to help with it. Padalecki notices him and gives him the tiniest of nods, which Jensen doesn’t even bother reciprocating. He places an arm around Danneel’s shoulders and walks off in another direction with her.A while later they head outside and realize there’s a keg stand competition happening. Jensen, Danneel and his friends all stop to watch, and of fucking course, the next competitor is Padalecki. Jensen wouldn’t expect anything less. Padalecki smugly walks to the keg, finding Jensen among the small crowd and smirking at him. Jensen watches as Padalecki prepares himself, placing both hands on the handles of the keg and two dudes lift his legs, then a third one shoves the valve into his mouth. Everyone starts counting and Jensen just crosses his arms in front of him and watches. Padalecki manages twenty-one seconds before he’s kicking his legs and the dudes let him down. The guy high fives his friends and grins at them as he wipes his mouth, Jensen definitely not noticing the drops of beer falling from his chin.“Twenty-one seconds, ha! Still got it!” He shouts at the small crowd, and Jensen can’t help but scoff.‘You call this a decent time, Padapoop?” Jensen asks as the crowd has quieted down.Padalecki looks at Jensen with a raised eyebrow. “You think you can do better than that, Smackles?”Jensen scoffs. “Watch and learn.”Everyone cheers as Jensen walks to the keg, positioning himself and getting prepared. He gives the guys a nod as he grabs the handles, and his legs are lifted in the air. The valve is shoved in his mouth and counting starts. Jensen closes his eyes and focuses on the task, trying to swallow down the beer as best as he can, and also listen to the countup. When it reaches thirty, he decides it’s enough and kicks his legs. The dudes let him down and Jensen takes a couple of seconds to reorient himself, also wiping his mouth. Everyone cheers and Jensen searches for Padalecki among the crowd, giving him the cockiest smirk he possibly can.“See, Pads. I beat you again. You need to get used to the idea that I’m always better than you.”Padalecki is giving him a deathly glare. “Wanna watch me punch that smirk off your face? I bet I can do better than you in that.”Jensen laughs out loud, then takes Danneel by the hand and walks off.*About one hour later or something like it - Jensen has lost track of time since he’s a bit, or a lot, drunk - he wanders around the garden so he can get some fresh air while Danni stays inside with Chris and Steve, all involved in a collective match of beer pong. Jensen walks to the side of the house where it’s a bit darker, and notices two people heavily making out pressed against the wall, close to where he is. Jensen blinks a few times and sees a mop of dark hair.“Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me!”, he exclaims before he can help himself. Padalecki unglues himself from Amell just enough to look at Jensen, and even if it’s dark Jensen can see the lust in Padalecki’s eyes.“Ackles… hey.” Padalecki says in a husky voice as Amell keeps kissing his neck sloppily, and Jensen can’t take his eyes off the movement. Something inside of him stirs again, but Jensen blames in on the booze. Padalecki watches him and smirks. “Don’t just stand there and look, that’s fucking impolite, ya know? Wanna join us? Don’t be shy, three’s company too!”Jensen definitely blames it on the vodka that a small part of him definitely wants to take Padalecki up on his offer and join the party, since it’s hot as hell to watch the two of them going at it like this. Jensen can bet Padalecki is hard in his pants, but he is quick to shake off those intrusive and absurd thoughts. Padalecki apparently sees something on Jensen’s face since he lets out a laugh while Amell sucks a spot on his neck. It gets Jensen back to a small sense of reality and he shakes his head, prying his eyes away from the scene in front of him.“Fuck off,” Jensen says and walks away, and he can still hear Jared laughing.Jensen walks back into the house and goes find Danneel. He grabs her by the hand and they quickly walk upstairs. Jensen finds an empty bedroom and pushes her onto the bed, making a quick job of pushing her skirt up and climbing on her. She’s completely game as Jensen fucks her hard while she buries her sharp nails in his back. Jensen closes his eyes shut as he slams inside her one last time, and he tells himself it’s completely by accident that he chose a bedroom on the west side of the house, the same side he saw Padalecki and Amell making out on. And Jensen definitely doesn’t picture Padalecki’s lusty face as he releases his load inside Danneel.Fuck that asshole Padalecki to hell and back.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
“Did you have any updates on the exchange program, Jare?” Chad asks as they eat McDonalds in their dorm. Jared shrugs as he chews.“Yeah, I guess maybe it’s gonna work. I submitted my application and we will see if they accept me. I haven’t even decided if I’m really going even if they offer me the scholarship, but I want to at least have the option.”Chad lifts an eyebrow. “Are you really gonna abandon the team now that you've got the best squad?”Jared shrugs as he focuses on his Big Mac. “They’ll be fine without me. They’ve got Ackles now, I’m sure they would survive if I decide to leave. Plus it will be good for me to be in a new place, play for another team for a change.”“And you’re sure this has nothing to do with you having to share the spotlight with Ackles now? Are you having a case of bruised ego and need to go be the sole star of another team?”Jared scoffs. “Of course not. I think it would be good to spend a year abroad, it’s a great opportunity. I’d also get to learn a second language and all. Not that it would hurt to stay away from Ackles for a while, the guy is annoying as shit. But that's not the main reason.”Chad smirks as he dips his french fry in his sundae. “Yeah, sure.”*Jared has been thinking about the exchange program for a while now, ever since he learned about it. The university offers it to the students who are interested in applying. You can choose one of the universities that they have a partnership with, and try for a scholarship (especially if you already have one), or pay for the tuition. The program usually consists of studying one year abroad and that counts as a regular study year for when the student returns.Jared has given some thought to it, especially since he learned he could join the basketball team in the university he chose. It would definitely be a chance to breathe some new air, meet new people and spend some time living another culture. He decided to give it a shot and apply, just to see what would happen. Jared wouldn’t have to go if he changed his mind, so he honestly didn’t have anything to lose basically. He has some savings he could use to support himself while living abroad, since his parents didn’t have to pay for his college tuition. Jared has applied to go study at a college in Paris, it would definitely be nice to go live there for a while and learn some French. Plus, doing some research, Jared learned they have a nice basketball team so it would be the perfect opportunity. He has sent his application and is now waiting to see what will happen. Of course Jared hasn’t mentioned it to anyone, only Chad knows because he’s Jared’s best friend. He will only share it with everyone else if he gets accepted and decides to actually go.*Next practice is a bit awkward between himself and Ackles due to the events from the previous weekend. More awkward than usual, that is. Jared was shitfaced at the frat party but he can remember some of it. Mostly, him making out heavily with Stephen outside the house and Ackles catching them, again. Jared has a vivid recollection of asking Ackles if he wanted to join them, and the mere thought of having done that is enough to leave Jared mortified. If the guy is a homophobe like Jared suspects, he believes it was just his luck that he didn’t end up getting punched in the face. Jared can’t even explain what has gotten into him to say something stupid like that.It was the booze, of course. And he was horny, Stephen was pressing his dick against his groin and Jared was of course hard himself, so it got to his brain. And he got himself shitfaced like that because again, asshole Ackles decided to show off and prove he’s better than Jared on yet another thing. It was too much for Jared to be beaten in keg stands. By Ackles, of all people. Yeah, fuck him.Jeff gives them a small lecture and tells everyone they have an important game against New Orleans in two weeks, so they need to train harder. Jared is excited, he loves going to Nola. And now that they’re on a winning streak, it’s going to be even better. Thankfully practice goes as well as ever, with J-Squared performing their usual magic and scoring impossible points, making Jeff’s eyes shine. Jared does feel good on the court when he is playing with Ackles due to their chemistry, he’s not gonna lie. And if he ends up deciding to leave, he’s gonna make the most of it while he’s here.After the practice as they go to the locker room to get changed, Ackles takes off his jersey with his back turned to Jared, who notices some odd marks on his skin.“Had an encounter with a chicken, Ackles?” Jared teases and Ackles turns around, raising an eyebrow at him.“What?”“The small cuts on your back.”Jensen chuckles. “Ah you know. My girlfriend got a bit too excited at the frat party last Saturday, I guess I have that effect.” Jensen lowers his voice so only Jared would hear. “I could say that you know how that is, but I’m guessing you really wouldn’t know, right?”Jared narrows his eyelids at Ackles. “Why do you have to be such a dick?”Ackles laughs. “What? Am I lying by any chance? But hey, you got some marks of your own as far as I can see, so we’re even.” Ackles motions at Jared’s neck, and he knows there’s a hickey there. And Ackles very likely knows exactly who left that mark there.Jared nods then. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I also have this effect on people, and as far as I remember you seemed pretty interested in what we were doing, weren’t you?Ackles’ smile falters for a second but he quickly recomposes himself. “Ha you wish. I was just taking a break from the party, it’s not my fault you were making out with your buddy out in public. So much for not wishing anyone to know about your little secret, huh?”Jared rolls his eyes. “Everyone at the party was too drunk or stoned or both to pay any attention to what we were doing. Sadly those parties are now being frequented by some people who really shouldn’t be there, ya know?”“Aw Pads, you’re still hurt I kicked your ass at the keg stand? You’re free to give it another shot. I'm always up to do it again.”Jared studies Ackles as grabs his towel. “How much do you get paid to be such a pain in the ass?”Ackles chuckles and walks past Jared in the direction of the shower stalls, blowing him a kiss. “For you I do it for free, Padawhiney.”
Jensen
Alan opens the door to Jensen’s small office and puts his head inside. “There’s a meeting scheduled for Friday at two p.m. with some investors and I want you and your brother there, so make sure there’s nothing scheduled.”Jensen doesn’t even lift his head from the computer. “Can’t. Going to New Orleans on Friday morning for a game there. I told you this last Monday.”“Reschedule it,” his father demands. “It’s an important meeting for the two of you to learn things and I said I want both there.”Jensen sighs and lifts his head to face his father. “And I said I have a game in another state. It’s what happens when you’re part of the team, you go play in other cities. I told you about the trip on Monday, it’s not my problem if you forgot about it.”Alan enters the room in quick strides and grabs Jensen by his collar, pulling him up and giving him a menacing look. “You won’t talk to me like that, boy. You need to start showing me some respect!”Jensen scoffs. “And when are you going to start showing me some respect? All you want is someone to take over the company, you don’t even see me as your son!”Alan opens his mouth but at the same time, Josh appears at the door sounding alarmed. “What’s going on here?”Alan releases Jensen and turns to the golden boy. “Nothing. I’m just notifying your brother about the meeting on Friday.”“And I’m telling your father I’m not going because I have a game in Louisiana and we’re traveling on Friday morning,” Jensen adds.Josh looks from one to the other. “Jensen, can’t you go later on Friday? The game is on Saturday anyways, you could leave after the meeting.”Jensen shakes his head. “No way. I’m going with the team in the van, there’s no way I’m driving to Louisiana by myself. Plus you will be there, dear brother. I’m sure that will be enough and you can fill me in once I’m back, I’ll be dying to hear all about it. Take notes of everything for me, will ya?”Josh purses his lips. “Why do you have to be so difficult, Jensen?”Jensen laughs. “Difficult? Me? Just because I want to have a life outside the corporate world? It’s not my fault you follow dad like a puppy, I’m not interested in that, thanks. I actually want to do things that I like and that are fun. Do you know that word, Joshy?”Josh starts to answer but Alan stands between them. “Okay, enough. Jensen, you’ll attend the meeting and that’s the end of discussion.”Jensen shakes his head. “And I told you I’m not. What are you going to do? Tie me to the meeting room until Friday? Fire me? Oh please go ahead and do that, I can definitely go find something else to do that doesn’t suck all the joy out of life like this place. Now if you don’t mind, could you go decide what my punishment will be over there? I have things to do.”Alan gives Jensen a disgusted look and leaves the room. As Jensen takes a deep breath, he wonders how much longer he will put up with this nonsense.*On Friday morning the whole team is gathered around the van so they can go to New Orleans, Jensen has turned his phone off so his father won’t call him. Everyone is excited about the trip, Jensen is too. He knows that despite Jeff telling them they should have a quiet night today and relax, some of his teammates are already planning a clandestine outing and Jensen is totally on board. He can’t just be in Nola and not go out to have some fun, it’s impossible.They finally arrive in the city and get off the van, carrying their luggage inside the hotel. After doing the check in Jeff gathers everyone to hand out the room keys and announce who’s sharing. Jensen is fine with whatever, as long as he’s not sharing with–“Padalecki and Ackles, room 3006 for you two.”Of course. Because the universe just loves Jensen. He looks at Padalecki and both let out a groan in unison. This should be so much fun. They walk to Jeff and grab their keys, then after hearing Jeff’s last instructions everyone heads to their rooms. Jensen grumpily follows Padalecki to the third floor, his good mood already affected knowing he will have to share a room with the asshole.“I hope you don’t snore Schmeckles,” Padalecki says as he uses his key to open the door.Jensen scoffs. “Better to snore than to deal with your farts.”Padalecki rolls his eyes and walks inside the room. “I’ll fart on your face.”Jensen walks behind Padalecki and bumps onto his back as the dude suddenly stops. “The fuck??”“What the shit is this?” Padalecki says, and Jensen walks around him to see what the deal is, letting out a groan when he sees it.“No fucking way.” There’s a king size bed in the middle of the room. And that’s it.“They probably made a mistake with the room configuration. You should go downstairs and ask for them to change our room.”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “Me? Why don’t you go? I’m sure you can charm the front desk lady into giving us another room.” What the fuck, Jensen?Padalecki looks at Jensen in surprise and gives him a smirk. “Oh really? You know I’m charming as fuck, don’t you Ackles? You can’t deny it. But no, let’s both of us go down. Then we don’t even need to come back here again and head straight to the new room.*“What does she mean there’s no other rooms available??” Padalecki cries as they reenter the same room about ten minutes later after unsuccessfully trying to charm the front desk lady into giving them a new room.“You heard her. There are many events in town and everything is booked. They mixed up our reservations and now what should we do?”Padalecki shrugs. “Well, the bed is quite big. We could make a barrier in the middle with a blanket and–”“Are you honestly suggesting we share the same bed? Oh no thanks, I’d rather sleep on the carpet.”Jared scoffs. “Aw what are you afraid of, Ackles? That I’ll hump you in the middle of the night? Don’t worry, just because I’m gay it doesn’t mean I’ll attack you. Your back end will remain intact, you can rest assured. But hey, if you’d rather sleep on the floor be my guest then!”“Asshole,” Jensen mutters, grabbing his toiletry bag and heading to the bathroom. It’s going to be a long trip.*They spend the afternoon training at the campus, then return to the hotel in time for dinner. There are talks about an outing later, and Jensen is completely on board with it, he could seriously blow off some steam especially with the fact that Padalecki and he are sharing a hotel room with a king size bed.As they enter the room, Padalecki talks to him. “Are you going out with the guys too?”Jensen nods. “Of course. I could use some booze. And I’m assuming you’re coming, obviously.”Padalecki nods happily. “I’d never deprive you of my awesome presence, roomie.”They take turns in the shower, and when Jensen steps out of the bathroom he finds Padalecki wearing a slim hoodie with a dark blue open button down over it, slim gray pants and sneakers, and his hair is still damp from the shower. For a second Jensen thinks that he doesn’t look half bad but he is quick to shake this thought away.Once both are ready they go downstairs and meet up with the rest of the group. They’ve told Jeff they’re going out only to do some sightseeing, and Jeff gave them strict instructions to take it easy. Jensen isn’t sure he will be able to follow those. They decide to head to Frenchmen St. since it’s much more interesting than Bourbon. They take a streetcar that drops them off near Frenchmen, and the street is buzzing with nightlife. There are jazz bands playing on the sidewalk, lots of people dancing and walking around, it’s just great. Jensen loves the city. They find a nice bar and decide it’s a good place to start, with a round of beers to warm up.About two hours later, Jensen is way past the drunk stage. He has had many different things to drink and he feels completely fine. He can tell his teammates aren’t that much better off. Padalecki is talking a mile a minute, more than he usually does, and Jensen sadly learns he gets extra touchy when he’s drunk. He puts his hands on everyone as he talks, including Jensen, who has to keep shoving him away through most of the night. Eventually, Padalecki pouts at him.“Why don’t you want me to touch you, Ackle-sy? I don’t have gay cooties, ya know? It’s not contagious, I promise!” He says in a slightly lower voice so only Jensen will hear, and he rolls his eyes.“I don’t like people touching me Jared, just fuck off!”“You’re such a deep pain in my ass, Ackles! Why can’t you play nice?? Oh by the way, are we on a first name basis now, Jenny-bean? I like it.”Jensen scoffs and walks away, entering a convenience store to grab a bottle of water. Inside, he finds a girl with a basket, who approaches him.“Hey, want some joints? Since you’re pretty, I’ll make them three for twenty for you.”Jensen raises his eyebrow. The girl is honestly selling weed inside a convenience store? Well that’s… convenient. “Is it good stuff?”The girl nods. “The best, I promise.”Jensen leaves the store with three joints in his pants pocket plus a lighter he got at the store. Oh and minus the water he meant to buy. He takes one and lights it, and when his teammates notice what Jensen is smoking, they’re all interested to know where he got it. Jensen takes a second joint from his pocket and hands it to one of the guys. “If you want more, the lady with a basket is selling it inside.”They all get more joints and suddenly everyone is starting to get stoned on top of being drunk. Jensen can almost forget his animosity towards Jared and their one bed for now, he’s feeling too relaxed and happy.It’s around one am when they finally decide to head back to the hotel, they have a game tomorrow afternoon after all. There are no more streetcars running, so they have to walk all the way back. It’s fun, they talk and laugh and drink some more on the way home, and need to make pit stops to pee here and there. Eventually they get to the hotel and it’s even hard to find the right room since Jensen can barely see straight he’s so hammered. Jared manages to insert the key card after about twenty attempts - and they laugh their ass off in the process - and when the door finally opens they almost fall inside the room, one trampling over the other. Jensen locks the door and joins Jared in the room.“I was hoping the bed would have magically split in two, but I guess no such luck,” Jensen says and Jared chuckles.He shows Jensen a small pack of little wine bottles. “Want a last round?”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “Where you got this?”Jared shrugs. “Matter?”Jensen shakes his head. “Nope.” He grabs a bottle and takes a large sip, the cheap wine burning his throat and making his head spin even more. They drink almost the whole thing when Jared bursts into laughter.“What?” Jensen asks, his mind getting even more foggy due to the weed in his system.Jared shakes his head. “Nothing. Just the idea of us in this room with one bed. It’s hilarious. That you have to share a room and a bed with me even when you have a problem with me being gay.”Jensen scoffs. “Who said I have a problem with you being gay?”“You act like I have cooties ever since you learned about my gayness. Does my gayness bother you, Jenny? I already said I won’t molest your perky ass.”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “You pay attention to my perky ass?”Jared rolls his eyes. “Don’t think too much of yourself, Jensen. You know what I mean.”Jensen takes one step forward, suddenly more aware of Jared’s presence for a reason. “You’re the one who started it, Padapoop.”Jared leans against the desk behind him, placing both hands on it for support and kicking his shoes away. Jensen follows the movement. “You’re the one who won’t share a bed with me, Shackles. It’s like you’re afraid you’ll wake up all dressed for RuPaul’s.”Jensen lets out a breath. “Oh my God, Jared! Quit the bullshit!”“It’s not bullshit! I know how you feel, alright? Just because you have a perfect life with a nice job with daddy, a nice car, a hot female girlfriend and everything, you think you’re on a higher ground, don’t you?”Blood suddenly boils inside Jensen and he’s on Jared's face in three quick strides. “You know nothing about my life, Jared. So please quit it.”Jared rolls his eyes. “Well, I’m right aren’t I? You’re gonna marry Danneel and have 2.5 kids, live in the suburbs and inherit daddy’s company.”Jensen swallows hard. “Oh my God, do you ever shut up??”Jared shrugs. “It’s true! You’re so predictable Jensen! You have it so easy!”Jensen’s mind spins even more and he grabs the collar of Jared’s shirt. “I said. Shut. The fuck. Up!”Jared scoffs. “Or what?”Something stirs inside Jensen, something very uncontrollable and that would never happen if he wasn’t extremely hammered and stoned. His gaze travels down Jared’s face to focus on his lips, then slowly moves back up again, his voice dropping a notch. “Or I’ll make you.”“Oh really? And how you planning on doing that Ack–hmmpf!”The words get cut off as Jensen presses his lips against Jared’s hard. All remaining coherent thoughts leave Jensen’s mind as Jared places a hand behind Jensen’s neck and deepens the kiss. Jensen licks his way into Jared’s mouth, forcefully, and he parts his lips in invitation. Their kiss is hard, demanding, almost brutal as Jensen pulls Jared’s body against his.“What… are we…” Jared murmurs between kisses, but Jensen shakes his head.“So you can… shut up!”Jensen leans down and places both hands around Jared’s thighs, hoisting him up and sitting him on the desk. He pushes his way between Jared’s legs, never breaking the kiss and pressing their groins together. He can feel himself growing hard in his pants, and he’s not the only one. Jensen grabs a fistful of Jared’s hair, pulling his head back and kissing a trail down his jaw and neck.With his free hand he starts taking off Jared’s button down, who helps him. Next goes the hoodie, and Jensen finds himself staring at miles of naked torso. Jared also reaches for the hem of Jensen’s shirt and takes it off. Jensen presses himself fully against Jared so their bare skins touch, and it sends a wave of pleasure down his spine. Jared’s hands travel all over Jensen’s skin and he sinks his nails on his shoulder.“What are we doing oh my God, I–”Jensen chuckles. “Can’t you shut up for one damn second, Padalecki???” He murmurs against his neck, and Jared scoffs.“God, I hate you. So fucking much, I hate you Ackles. You’re such a pain in my ass!”Jensen suddenly pulls back and stares at Jared, taking in his wide pupils and half closed lids. Jensen grabs his jaw forcefully and gives him a pointed look.“Oh I’ll show you a pain in the ass.”Before Jared can remark, Jensen uses both hands under his thighs to pick him up. Jared instinctively wraps both legs around Jensen’s torso, and he carries the man to the bed, forcefully pushing him onto it. Jensen kneels on the bed, one leg on each side of Jared, and looks down on him. Jared lifts an eyebrow and stares back.“So?”Jensen remembers something and reaches inside his pocket, fishing out the last joint that stayed there and the lighter. He brings it to his mouth and after a few clumsy attempts, he manages to light the thing up. He takes a long drag of it and releases it, throwing his head back. When he looks at Jared again, the man is licking his bottom lip. Jensen lifts an eyebrow.“Want some?”Jared just gives him a bitchy face and Jensen lets out a laugh. He then leans down, right on Jared’s face, and takes another drag. He pulls the joint from his mouth and looks at Jared, who gets the hint and parts his lips. Jensen slowly blows the smoke in Jared’s mouth, while both stare into each other’s eyes. He presses his groin down against Jared’s, and then places the joint on his lips. Jared takes a drag and then blows the smoke onto Jensen’s mouth as well, who leans down and captures his lips in a hungry kiss. They spend a few minutes like that, their bodies and erections pressed against each other, kissing and finishing the joint together, the sweet smoke emanating from it intoxicating their senses even more.
Jensen sets the stub on the nightstand and Jared rolls them over, pressing down against Jensen’s body. “When you gonna stop being a fucking tease? You need a dick in your ass to get your head out of it?”Jensen crackles up. “Ha! As if I’m gonna let you be the top. You wish, Padabooty!” Jensen shoves Jared to the side with a hand on his shoulder, climbing on him again. He leans down and whispers in Jared’s ear in a husky tone. “I told you I’m gonna show you the pain in your ass.”Jared scoffs. “You’re so bossy! You say I’m the one who won’t shut up, but you’re the one who keeps talking!”Jensen has had enough, his erection is painfully pressing inside his jeans. With clumsy movements he tries to unbutton Jared’s jeans, and both spend a while trying to get rid of them, throwing both pairs on the bed next to them.“Let’s see the size of the thing you’re keeping in there, Padalecki.” From the outline in Jared’s boxer, Jensen can already tell he’s no small guy. Jensen licks his lips and pulls them down Jared’s legs, his mouth salivating when he sees Jared’s body in all its glory. “Not bad, I’d say.”Jared scoffs and kicks the side of Jensen’s butt. “Your turn, sport.”Jensen shoves his own boxers down and both spend a couple of heartbeats admiring the other. Then Jared places a hand behind Jensen’s neck and pushes him down forcefully. “Stop teasing, Ackles”All bets are off as they’re both finally naked, arms and legs flying everywhere, almost like they’re wrestling on the bed. Jensen’s hands travel all over Jared’s body, squeezing his skin, his nipples, while Jared grabs Jensen’s hair forcefully, burying his short nails on his back, both kissing each other’s lips, jaw, neck, chin, every part of the body that is easiest.Their erections rub together and Jensen reaches down, poking Jared’s hole with a finger, and the guy lets out a loud moan.“Oh damn!”“I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll have trouble walking tomorrow,” Jensen says in a husky voice as he kisses down Jared’s jaw.“You sure you know how to do this, Ackles? It’s definitely not a pussy.” Jared teases as he cants his hips up so their groins press even more.Jensen leans away just enough to grab his hand cream from the nightstand. “Don’t challenge me, Jared.”“Let’s see what you got, then.”Jensen quickly coats his fingers with the cream and adds one into Jared’s hole. It’s tight and hot and Jensen makes a quick work of adding the whole finger as Jared presses down on it. Soon he’s adding a second and a third, scissoring his fingers inside Jared while the man moans obscenely in his ear, both hands working on Jensen’s nipples. Jensen’s dick could cut diamonds by this point and he has to try really hard not to come untouched just with Jared’s hands on him.Finally Jensen coats his dick and both are too far gone to remember they should be wearing a condom. He lines up his cock with Jared’s hole, and Jared wraps both legs around Jensen’s torso. Jared pulls at the hair on the back of Jensen’s head, murmuring fuck me with all you got into his ear, and Jensen can’t wait any longer. He pushes forcefully inside of Jared, quickly bottoming out and he can’t even stop to wonder if it’s hurting or not. Probably not since Jared starts rocking up and down, wrapped around him like an octopus, and Jensen pulls all the way out then slam back inside.“Harder Ackles, gimme harder!”Jensen obeys and begins thrusting with all the strength he has gotten, his hips pistoning in a relentless tempo, his dick nailing Jared’s prostate who’s moaning loudly in Jensen’s ear.“I thought you said… you were giving me a pain… in the ass. Don’t hold back, come on!”Jensen puts all his weight in he motion as he pulls out and slams back in, supporting himself with one hand and using the other to jack Jared’s dick so hard it must be hurting but Jared apparently isn’t even feeling any pain. Jensen slams harder and harder, fucking Jared almost into the matress with the force he’s using, his mind spinning more and more. Jensen can’t feel anything that isn’t Jared all around him in all ways, like the sweetest smoke inebriating him completely, hypnotizing him, and Jensen can’t help thinking over and over how perfectly they fit and fuck anyone else who touched Jared before him.Jared rolls them around on the bed once more, planting one knee on each side of Jensen’s body, and Jensen plants both of his feet on the mattress, bending his knees so he can thrust up at the same time as Jared grinds down.“Come… come for me, come on Jared,” Jensen whispers as he keeps pumping Jared, a hand now grabbing his hair. Jared obeys and releases his load all over Jensen’s hand and their bellies. Jensen keeps pumping him until Jared is done, then brings his hand up, smearing come all over Jared’s face and his own, pulling him to a sloppy kiss that tastes like his come, then licking his face to get as much of it as he can.Jared’s mouth travels to Jensen’s ear and he bites his earlobe, speaking in a tone Jensen has never heard before. “Where’s your release, Jensen? Are you gonna fill me up pretty good? Mark me as all yours? I bet I feel much better than that preppy girlfriend of yours, don’t I?”“Oh God fuck you, Padalecki!” With one last thrust up, Jensen comes so hard his vision blacks for a moment, his body nearly seizing with the force of his orgasm. Jensen’s body tingles from head to toe as he fills Jared up to his last drop, Jared clenching his ass around his dick to milk him as much as possible.When they’re finally done Jared collapses half on top of Jensen, both trying to collect their breaths, feeling completely spent.“God I really think my ass will be in pain tomorrow. You’re not as bad as I thought you were, Ackles,” Jared murmurs into Jensen’s skin, his eyes half closed already.“I’m guessing not even having your ass pounded is enough to make you shut up, huh?” Jensen thinks he should get up and clean himself, since he’s sticky all over. But the weed is really hitting him hard, and as much as Jensen tries, he can’t keep his eyes open anymore. He tells himself it will be for just five minutes, then he will get up.
Jared
There’s an insistent ringing noise right next to Jared’s ear, and he mumbles into the pillow. He tries to get more alert but it’s like someone is hitting his head with a hammer. There’s a weird weight half on top of him and it also feels like someone died in his mouth and stayed there.The ringing continues, and Jared pries one eye open. He blinks a few times and realizes it’s the phone on his nightstand. Jared clumsy reaches for it, picking up the cradle and bringing it to his ear.“´lo?”“Padalecki, get your ass out of bed and down for breakfast. Ackles too. If you’re both not here in thirty minutes starting from right now, you can say goodbye to your positions in the team.”The line goes silent and Jared groans. He promises himself he will never drink again. He licks his lips and thinks he needs to brush his teeth ASAP. For like, fifteen minutes at least. Then Jared remembers how Jeff mentioned Jensen, and wonders where he is. Did he sleep on the floor like he said he would? Jared just can’t remember going to bed last night.Then he tries to turn on his back but can’t since there’s something preventing him. Jared looks behind him and has to blink a few times to make sure he’s not hallucinating.“WHAT THE FUCK?” Jared exclaims, the face of none other than Jensen Ackles mere inches from him. And the dude is pressed against Jared’s whole body, head to toe, a hand around his waist. Jared shoves Jensen hard to get him away from him, and screams louder. “ACKLES WAKE UP!”Jensen finally stirs next to him letting out some moans, as Jared keeps shaking him. “Oh God, what the fuck? Stop shaking me!”“Jensen, come on! Something very fucked up happened!”It’s then that Jared’s slow brain catches up and he realizes that both of them are completely naked. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!”Jensen finally pries his eyes open and frowns. “What is it?”Jared tries to control his breathing. “What did we do, Jensen??”“What do you mean?” Jensen blinks rapidly and finally focuses on Jared. And then his gaze travels to their bodies and the scenario around him. “Oh shit!”Jensen sits up on the bed and Jared gets up from it, taking a look around and how their clothes are spread all over the room. He looks at Jensen again, panic starting to bubble inside him. “Oh God, Jensen!”Jensen shakes his head vehemently. “Shut up, shut up! Let’s think, come on! Maybe… maybe we didn’t do anything, we just took our clothes off and… and…”Jared’s heart stops as he dares to look down Jensen’s body and notices evidence that they screwed up fucking royally.“There’s dried come all over your stomach, Jensen! Oh God, oh my God!” Jared brings both hands to his hair, pulling at the strands, walking from one side to the other. “This has to be a bad dream, it can’t be real oh my God!”From the corner of his eye he can see Jensen getting up from the bed as well and checking himself over.“I can’t…” he starts, and Jared can tell he’s freaking out just as much as he is. “We can’t… there’s no way. It’s not possible!”Jared chuckles, completely humorless. “Well, I guess it’s possible since there’s dried come in lots of places and oh my God my ass hurts. My ass hurts, Jensen!! Holy shit. Holy shit, I can’t believe your dick was in my ass, this has to be the most fucked up thing that has ever happened in the history of the universe.” Jensen just keeps shaking his head, also walking from one side to the other. Jared tries not to look too much since both are still pretty naked. “What are we going to do??”Jensen holds up a hand in front of him. “I can’t deal with this. Just… no.”With that Jensen quickly walks into the bathroom and locks the door after him. Jared drops on the bed and leans forward, burying his face in his hands. This can’t be happening, it has to be a bad dream. The last thing Jared has ever imagined in his whole life was himself and Jensen Ackles fucking. They can barely stay in the same room together without ripping each other’s heads off, and now Jared’s ass hurts from being pounded by Jensen’s dick.Just no.Images start popping into his brain, now that he’s more awake. Jared starts remembering flashes of last night, Jared brought the wine bottles, Jensen had the last joint, they started bickering as usual, Jensen shut him up with a kiss. Goddamn.Jared doesn’t move a muscle, he stays where he is with his eyes closed shut as more flashes come back to him, Jensen throwing him on the bed, them blowing smoke in each other’s mouths, the feeling of Jensen’s naked skin all around him. Just goddamn no.Eventually the door to the bathroom opens and Jared hears as Jensen walks out of it. He stays with his eyes closed, purposefully not looking at Jensen as he rummages into his luggage. Jared quickly gets up and walks to the bathroom himself, still keeping his gaze aimed at anything that isn’t Jensen. He locks the door and leans against it for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath. Jared is one breath away from a panic attack, he can feel his pressure dropping and blurry spots dancing in front of his eyes. He closes them again and takes a few deep breaths. When he’s sure he won’t faint, Jared finally walks to the stall and starts the shower, allowing the cold water to wash over him. He braces himself against the tiles and lowers his head, the strong pressure hitting the back of his neck. He cannot deal with the fact that Jensen and he fucked. It’s a no the size of the universe.Jared tries to wash himself as best as possible, still feeling the proof of what happened in his body. His ass aches, he knows Jensen fucked him hard, because Jared asked him to. There are also marks in other parts of his body, where Jensen squeezed and bit his skin. And to make matters worse, there’s still the massive hangover Jared is experiencing, plus the remaining effects of the pot they smoked. His head is pounding, and they have an important game in a few hours. How the fuck is Jared supposed to play today when all he wants is to crawl into a hole and die?Jared finally steps out of the stall and dries himself, wrapping a towel around his waist. He brushes his teeth and combs his hair, then takes a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. To find the room empty.Jared sighs, of course Jensen wouldn’t wait for him to be finished, and Jared didn’t even want him to. He’s so not ready to face Jensen or talk to him, it’s better this way. Jared quickly changes and makes his way to the restaurant for breakfast, where some of his teammates and Jeff are all sitting at a large table. He spots Jensen at one end of the table, his head buried in his scrambled eggs, and he’s stabbing them so forcefully he’s probably imagining it’s Jared’s eye.Jared averts his eyes and goes to get some food, he’s in desperate need of something greasy. He sits as far away from Jensen as humanly possible, and even has to hear a lecture from Jeff about not getting drunk the night before the game.After breakfast Jared stops at the convenience store in the hotel to grab some Advil, his head is just killing him. When he returns to the room, Jensen is there finishing packing his stuff since they leave for the campus in a few and will return home straight from the game. Jensen doesn’t even spare Jared a glance as they pack everything, and Jared can feel the tension in the room so thick it’s like walking through molasses. As Jared shoulders his large duffel, he turns to Jensen, finally having had enough of it.“Jensen?”But Jensen just shakes his head as he zips up his duffel. “No, just… don’t. Let’s not.”Jared lets out a breath. “Look, I don’t want to talk to you as much as you don’t want to talk to me, but we have to face that we screwed up. And most importantly, we have a game to play today. An important game. We need to be in sync.”Jensen finally looks at Jared with anger in his eyes. “I know, alright? I’m not stupid and I don’t have amnesia. I know we have a game, it’s why we’re here, isn’t it? I’m just trying to focus on it, so it would help a lot if we don’t talk to each other. Can we do that?”Jared nods as he walks past Jensen, murmuring asshole so the man can hear him, and leaves the room, not even bothering to hold the door open for Jensen.*Jared tries to put the events from last night behind him to focus on the game, but the thing is a complete disaster. Not only are both Jared and Jensen obviously still troubled by the events, they’re also dealing with the consequences of their heavy drinking and weed smoking. They’re far from being in the best shape and the J-Squared chemistry, so famous everywhere and that led the team to win all games they played, disappears. It’s like something shifted between them, they’re not in sync anymore, they miss shots, passes, they lose the ball over and over and commit stupid fouls. Jeff almost has a seizure as he stands on the side of the court, shouting at them until his throat is sore, and Jared can tell he cannot believe what’s happening in front of him. Neither can their teammates.But no matter how much they try, they just can’t work together. They can barely look at each other. It’s the worst game Jared has ever played, and for the first time since Jensen joined the team, they lose a game and are disqualified. Jared walks off the court with his head bowed, not quite believing what’s happening.He goes to the locker room and takes a quick shower, not saying a word to anyone. He can tell his teammates have lots of questions, they’re all stunned with what just happened, but probably feel the mood and leave both Jared and Jensen alone. Jared gets dressed and leaves the locker room in record speed. Jeff hasn’t joined them, just said he would wait by the van. Jared steps inside and makes his way to the last seat, sitting next to the window and resting his head on it. He’s so damn exhausted. He sees as Jensen walks to the van and climbs on it as well, locating Jared and sitting as far from him as humanly possible. Once everyone is settled and the van drives off, Jeff gives them the biggest earful Jared has ever gotten. He’s so pissed he looks like a cartoon character, he’s as red as a tomato and Jared is surprised there’s no smoke coming out of his ears. He lectures them on how irresponsible they were going out to party the night before the game, even after Jeff told them not to. He spends a lot of time ripping Jared and Jensen new ones, trying to understand how his best players were mocking material in front of everyone, were barely recognizable. Jared doesn’t say a single word and neither does Jensen. There’s nothing to say anyway, and the fact that they fucked and are feeling like shit about it isn’t really a good excuse.Jared looks out of the window taking a deep breath and thinking about everything. He remembers the application to go spend some time in Paris, and the program seems more inviting than ever. Jared thinks he could really use the time away.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
“Dude, is it true that you guys lost to New Orleans?? Are you for real? What happened?”Those are the first words Chris says to Jensen as he enters their apartment after arriving back in Austin. Jensen just takes a deep breath and goes to the kitchen to grab himself a beer after dropping his duffel by the door. “It was nothing,” he murmurs as he opens the fridge.Chris apparently is having none of it as he follows Jensen to the kitchen, grabbing his elbow. “Come on Jensen, you look like someone killed your puppy. What happened, I thought you and Padalecki were unbeatable together!”Jensen snaps upon hearing the name and yanks his arm away. “It was nothing Chris, cut it out dammit! Sometimes we lose, we can’t win every damn game!”“But that was an important game and New Orleans isn’t that good, I thought you guys would smas–”“Holy shit, Christian!” Jensen closes the fridge without taking the beer. “Can you just quit it? Leave me the fuck alone, I’m going to my room and please leave me to it.”Jensen quickly walks past his friend and grabs the duffel, hurrying to his bedroom and shutting the door. He feels completely and utterly exhausted, down to his bones. It’s like he ran a fucking marathon, and his head is killing him. He makes a short trip to the bathroom for a quick shower, brushes his teeth and takes two Tylenols for his head. Then he returns to his bedroom and drops dead on the bed.Despite being so incredibly tired, Jensen can’t bring himself to sleep. His mind is spinning and he still can’t believe how royally he fucked up. It’s just unfathomable to Jensen that he had sex with Jared. Fucking. Padalecki. What crazy alternative reality they’re living in that he had sex with the person he despises the most? What the fuck was he thinking?Well, obviously he wasn’t. That much is clear. Jensen remembers it now, not all of it but more than enough. More than he wishes he would. Jensen wishes he could scrub his mind clean of every trace of his night with Jared. He wishes he could blame the motherfucker for seducing him but Jensen knows he was the one who initiated it. Just why??And what makes things even more fucked up, Jensen liked it. A lot. He doesn’t want to admit it to himself, he despises Jared. Why did it have to be so damn incredible? Feeling Jared’s skin all around him, the taste of him, his warmth… goddammit. But it was definitely the booze and weed. That has to be it. Jensen’s senses were clouded, he wasn’t thinking straight. It’s the only explanation why he liked it. Had Jensen been sober, he for sure would have hated it. Well, he would never have done it in the first place. That much is obvious.To make matters even worse, Jensen cheated on Danneel. He had never done that before, it’s not like Jensen to cheat on anyone. He feels like shit, Danneel is such a nice girl, she doesn’t deserve this.Jensen spends hours just lying in his bed wide awake, thinking about everything. He decides not to tell Danneel anything and ignore the matter as much as possible. He still has some things to solve with Jared, not that he wants to talk to the guy but he has to. But apart from that, he will just ignore him as he has always done. It’s the best thing to do. And he truly hopes they can get their game chemistry back on despite the awkwardness of everything, Jensen doesn’t want the team to suffer because of his and Jared’s stupidity.*Next practice is a disaster. Things have obviously shifted irrevocably between Jensen and Jared, and their chemistry in the court is suffering with it. They can barely look at each other and the whole team feels the change more than ever. Jeff is so pissed he cuts the practice short, sending everyone to the locker room except for Jared and Jensen, who he calls to the side.“I have no idea what crawled into your asses and died there, and I honest to God do not care. But you better get your shit together and start playing like you always did, or I’ll seriously reconsider your positions in the team. Now get the fuck out of my face.”Jared walks away first and Jensen follows him to the locker room, both keeping their heads down. They go take showers and are the last ones left since everyone else is finished first, the mood in the locker room just awful. As Jared is done and grabs his duffel, Jensen takes two steps closer to him.“Hey.”Jared turns around with his expression completely closed off. “What??”Jensen takes a deep breath, keeping a good distance between himself and Jared. “Look, I don’t want to talk to you just as much as you don’t want to talk to me. I don’t even know if we will get our chemistry in the court back, we fucked up bad. But there’s something we need to think about.” Jared just lifts an eyebrow as he waits. “Wef f… we did it bareback Jared!”Jared’s jaw drops, as he most likely didn’t think of it. “Oh shit.”“How could you not remember that we had to wear a condom, Jared??”Jared’s eyes go wide, and he makes an indignant face with both hands on his waist. “Excuse me?? As far as I remember you were the one… well you were the one doing… it. You were very emphatic about it, even. So you should have remembered we needed a condom! It takes two to tango, Jensen!”Jensen deflates a bit at that, feeling heat creeping up his neck. “Well, okay. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that we did it. We were reckless as fuck. We need to get tested.”“You saying I have a disease?”Jensen rolls his eyes. “Goddammit no, Jared! That’s not what I’m saying at all, but we need to do it anyway after having unprotected sex. We never know if we may have something. Anyway, I will get tested soon, just wanted to suggest you do the same.”Jared studies Jensen for a few moments then finally nods. “Okay. I’ll do it. Will that be all?”Jensen nods back. “I hope to God it is.”“Fine then. See ya around. Or not, hopefully.” With that Jared walks past Jensen, bumping his shoulder, and storming out of the locker room.Damn it.
Jared
Jared punches a boxing bag at the gym during his workout, pretending it’s Jensen’s face. He’s so incredibly pissed with everything he wishes he could just punch Jensen within an inch of his life. Fuck him, fuck him so much.Well, it’s not only Jensen’s fault that they fucked, Jared was there too and could have told him to fuck off. But Jensen did initiate it, so in Jared’s book this is mostly his fault alright. And not only that, they fucked bareback. What the fuck were they thinking? Jared has never gotten fucked bareback in his life. He hopes to God that Jensen is clean, if he takes the test to learn he has something he will kill Jensen for sure. It’s all Jared needs, to get an STD from Jensen of all people.But what makes Jared want to punch Jensen even more, is that he liked it. Incredibly much. The way Jensen kissed him so demandingly, how they shotgunned each other, how Jensen manhandled and fucked Jared so hard. If Jared lives a million years and someone asks him if Jensen was the best sext he ever had, he will deny it. He will go to his grave denying it. But fuck… it gives Jared chills everywhere every time he thinks about it. This is the most fucked up shit ever.And of course, there’s also the fact that apparently they can’t play together anymore, their incredible game chemistry went down the drain. Jared doesn’t know if they will be able to get past this awkwardness between them and go back to their game.Jared’s gaze travels to the gym reception, and he sees none other than Jensen walking in, holding hands with his girlfriend. Of course Jensen goes to this gym, it’s the only one on campus and Jared has seen Jensen here before. But as Jared watches as he parades around with his perfect girlfriend, his blood boils. Jensen notices him, his smile faltering for a moment as he pulls Danneel closer. He swallows hard and stares at Jared, who wonders if he’s actually afraid Jared will run to Danneel and tell her what they did, that her boyfriend isn’t that straight after all. Jared wouldn’t do that, obviously. Jensen clearly hasn’t said anything and Jared wouldn’t ruin his image, he’s not that much of an asshole. He also has to remember that despite everything Jensen kept Jared’s secret about being gay, so he owes the guy this much.Instead Jared punches the bag even harder, his gaze fixed on Jensen’s, hoping he gets the message that Jared wishes he was punching his face.*“Tests came out clean Jensen,” Jared tells him as they meet up in front of the court for practice. “Thought you’d like to know.”Jensen nods. “Mine too, I got the results yesterday.”“So don’t worry, you haven’t gotten my cooties or anything.”Jensen rolls his eyes and walks inside the court. “Fuck you.”Jared scoffs. “Been there, done that. Let’s not have a repeat, please.”Jared starts walking away but Jensen grabs his arm. He turns around and just lifts an eyebrow. Jensen looks suddenly nervous as he drops his hand.“Hey, is it too much to ask that you don’t tell anyone about what happened?”Jared gives him an amused smirk. “Aw, how cute. Afraid I’ll spill your dirty little secret?” Jared just enjoys the moment as Jensen’s expression turns to worry, clearly remembering how he said the same thing to Jared when he learned he was gay. Jared laughs and shakes his head. “Nah, don’t worry Jenny-bean. I won’t tell anyone. You didn’t tell anyone about my sexual orientation when I asked you not to, and that counts in my glittery book. Your pretty girlfriend will keep believing you’re straight and narrow, it will be our dirty little secret. Deal?”Jensen nods and looks down. “Thank you.”Jared walks off still amused with the turn of events.*Jared is contacted by the university admins a few days later to inform him he got accepted at the exchange program to go to Paris for a year, full ride. Jared is incredibly excited and nervous at the news, asking for a couple of days to decide.He talks to his parents on the phone, who encourage him to go. He knows his parents always want the best for him despite having some close-minded beliefs, they don’t have enough money to offer all of that, so they claim it’s an important opportunity. Jared also talks to Chad, who says he will miss his roommate and friend but Jared can’t miss this opportunity.Jared spends the night wide awake considering everything. He loves the team, but things are hard now. He’s not at the top of his game after what happened with Jensen. And Jensen… well. Jared thinks it would be good to spend some time away from the man. The tension between them is stretching thinner and thinner, and it could snap at any moment. It’s probably for the best to avoid it. And of course, it will be a great opportunity for Jared personally. To spend a whole year in another country, studying and learning another language, a different culture, breathing a different air. Maybe meeting some French dudes. Jared knows he would be crazy not to accept it.So the next day he fills out all the forms and starts getting everything ready for his departure.Jared talks to coach Jeff privately first, announcing his decision to leave. Jeff is flabbergasted when he hears it.“You’re leaving the team to go study in France? Are you nuts Jared? You’re the star of the team!”“One of the stars. And I’m not at the top of my game anymore, Jeff. Some things happened and… well. It’s best if I leave. You have Jensen now, and I think he will play better if I leave the team. It’s a good opportunity for myself, for my growth, so I just wanted to let you know first before I announce it to the team.”Jeff isn’t pleased at all, but he tries to understand Jared’s reasoning and in the end all he can do is wish Jared good luck with his next ventures, and say he will always have a place in the team when he comes back.*Jared announces his decision to his teammates before next practice. Everyone stands in a circle on the court, and Jared asks for a minute of their attention. He clears his throat and stares at all of them, his gaze lingering on Jensen for a moment longer.“I just want to announce to you guys that I’m leaving the team for the time being.” Everyone gives Jared a shocked look, and he can see Jensen is very surprised as well. “I’ve signed up for the exchange program at the university a while ago, and they recently accepted my application to go study in France for a year with a full ride, maybe join the basketball team there. I’m traveling in a few days, so sadly I’ll be leaving the team too at least for now. I don’t know what the future holds, maybe I’ll come back eventually. But for now you guys will be rid of me.” Jared says that last part while looking at Jensen.Almost all of his teammates come talk to Jared, express their sadness that he’s leaving and he will be missed, but it’s definitely a great opportunity for him, and they hope he comes back to the team. Jensen is the only one who doesn’t talk to Jared, he just stays to one side as everyone talks to him, and Jared wonders if he’s relieved Jared is leaving and wouldn’t be able to pretend otherwise.The practice is even more awkward than usual, and it only cements Jared’s decision to leave. It will be for the best. Once it’s over they all go to the locker room as usual, and Jared is the last one to leave since everyone still wants a word with him. By the time Jared is ready to go, the locker room is already empty, but as he steps out Jensen is at the door waiting for him.Jared is caught by surprise to see Jensen leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He stops and takes a step back. “What?”Jensen purses his lips. “Are you fucking kidding me, Jared? How can you leave the team like this? When you’re one of the most important players we have!”Jared shrugs. “Look, it wasn’t an easy decision. But like I said, it's a great opportunity for me. Especially with a full ride. I couldn’t pass this up after they accepted me.”Jensen stares at Jared for a couple of moments, then arches an eyebrow. “Are you leaving because of me?”Jared can’t help but let out a loud laugh, and starts walking again. Jensen walks behind him. “You think way too much of yourself, Jensen.”“Well, I just think it’s suspicious that you suddenly decide to leave right after we… after what happened between us.”“You’d love that, right? But no. I applied to this program way before our little rendezvous. The fact that we can’t manage to play together anymore played a part in it yes, but I’m doing it for me and the great opportunity this will be for my future. I know you’ll miss me, but hopefully in a year I will be back in the team. And hey, now you get to be the sole star of it. I’m doing you a favor really.”Jensen scoffs. “Yeah, it won’t hurt not having to put up with your annoying ass anymore.”“Fuck off,” Jared says as usual, and walks away without another glance.*Jared spends the next few days pretty busy with the preparations for his trip. He still goes to basketball practice, but things are still awkward with Jensen and they simply can’t manage to play well. Jared honestly can’t wait to go away and hopefully score a position at the team in Paris.At his last practice he gathers all his teammates at the locker room once it’s over, thanking them for everything and saying he wishes he will be back eventually. His gaze travels to Jensen a couple of times, and the guy’s expression is completely closed off.“Anyway, I also wanted to invite you all to my farewell party tomorrow, I’d love to see you guys there and if you bring a six-pack, it will be even better!”Jared gives everyone directions to where the party is taking place, and everyone promises to show up. Once everyone walks off, Jared gets close to Jensen.“You’re welcome to the party too, apple of my eye. Perhaps we could have a rematch of the keg stand competition.”Jensen scoffs. “That’s actually a good idea, it will be lovely to kick your ass again. Maybe I’ll see you there.”*The party is in full swing and Jared is having a great time. It was nice of the frat guys to let Jared borrow the house for his farewell party. Jared is anxious since he’s leaving tomorrow evening, so he has decided to drink his anxiety away. All of his friends have shown up, much to Jared’s happiness.He made sure to get some kegs just in case Jensen shows up for the challenge. Not that Jared expects him to. Jensen will very likely not come, he doesn’t even like Jared (mutual feeling, of course). He’s probably relieved that Jared is leaving and can’t wait to never have to see him again (at least for one year). He’s quite likely fucking his girlfriend at this point, not caring one bit about the party and Jared could not care less in return.About two hours later Jared is in the middle of a beer pong game with Chad, when he sees someone approaching the table from the corner of his eye. Jared does a double check to find none other than Jensen walking closer, and he misses his shot.“Jensen? What you doing here?” Jared can’t stop the words leaving his mouth and curses himself for being so rude.Jensen buries his hands in his jeans and lifts an eyebrow. “I thought you said I was invited to the party?”Jared shakes his head. “Yeah sorry, that was unnecessarily rude, even to you.”Jensen chuckles. “No worries. It’s just that if I remember correctly, I was challenged for a keg stand rematch. Was that for real?”Jared nods and makes a sign to Chad that the match is over. “Let’s go outside.”*“Twenty-nine! Thirty! Thirty-one! Thirty-two!”Jensen wiggles his legs and the guys put him down. Jared swallows hard, what was he even thinking inviting Jensen to a rematch? He hates to admit it but the guy is damn good. Jensen straightens himself up and raises his eyebrows to Jared.“You now, princess.”Jared snorts and takes position. The guys lift his legs and the valve is placed in his mouth. Jared tries to hold on, as much as he can, but there’s just too much liquor in his system already. He doesn’t want to throw up in the middle of it and probably choke himself to death, so when the count reaches twenty-six, Jared admits defeat and wiggles his legs. He drops to the ground and wipes his mouth, feeling pissed at himself and Jensen.Who, by the way, is giving him a ridiculous smirk.“Nice try, Pads.”“Shut up.”Jensen chuckles. “You should know you’re not a match for me when it comes to keg stand. 2-0 now.”“I’ll beat you eventually, Ackles. You’ll see. Thanks for coming and proving your point yet again,” Jared states and Jensen takes it as a dismissal.“My pleasure. I’ll get going then. See ya around, Jared.”Jared watches as Jensen starts walking away, and something tugs inside him. It’s probably all the booze. He closes the distance between them anyway.“Hey, Jensen.” Jensen turns around and waits, hands again in his pockets. “I guess we won’t be seeing each other anymore since I leave tomorrow.” Jensen looks mildly taken aback, as if the thought hasn’t occurred to him and as if he honestly cared. “So, I don’t know. Good luck, I guess. And we’ll probably meet up again one year from now when I’m back in college and the team, so you’ll have to share the spotlight again.”Jensen just stares at Jared. “A lot can happen and change in a year, Jared.”Jared nods. “I know. So let’s just wait and see where we will be one year from now, right?”Jensen nods back. “I guess so. Anyway, good luck with your new projects. I see you when I see you.”With that Jensen walks away, and Jared just watches as he goes for a while, a strange feeling inside of him. Like something telling Jared they won’t be playing again together, not like they used to. Jared just brushes off the feeling, it’s ridiculous. He definitely had too much booze tonight and isn’t thinking straight.*Jared’s folks come to Austin to drive him to the airport the next day, and Chad also shows up to wish him safe travels. Jared feels excited and nervous, he’s about to go live in a whole new country where he knows very little of the language and will have to make new friends. He can only hope everything goes well and people are nice. He checks his bags and gets the boarding pass, then they make some time at the Starbucks as they wait until it’s time to board the plane.Eventually it’s announced that Jared’s flight will be boarding soon, so he hugs his parents and Chad goodbye. Jared can see his friend is trying not to show too much emotion since he always acts all tough, and he punches Chad lightly on the shoulder.“I’ll miss you too, dude.”Chad rolls his eyes. “Don’t go fall in love with a french d–chick and stay there permanently, okay?”Jared’s heart skips a beat since his parents are listening, but thankfully Chad caught himself in time. He nods and hugs his friend again, promising to be back soon and asking him to take care of everything. Jared pulls his carry-on and goes through security, and eventually he finds his seat. He watches absentmindedly as the plane taxis and then takes off, leaving Austin and everything behind. It’s going to be great, it’s all that Jared needs, to meet new people, being in a new environment. It’s exactly what he needs.*Jared has been in Paris for a little over two months and it’s going great. He loves the city, and is already feeling more or less at home in it. He has been taking intensive French lessons, so he’s already managing to understand and talk better. Jared also has been accepted on the basketball team and has already become their best player, the coach always praising him and saying they’re lucky that Jared has joined them. His teammates are all very nice, they don’t even hold a grudge or anything for the fact that Jared has just arrived and became the star of the team, they’re just happy to have him. Jared even ended up becoming friends with a few of them, and they have been helping Jared with the language.Jared has also decided on what degree he’s getting. He was already considering it and the university in Paris has a good program, so he’s now studying physical therapy. He’s fascinated with the human body and what good therapy can do for athletes, it can really help increase their performance. Jared doesn’t actually plan on pursuing the career, if everything goes well he will become a professional NBA player. But it’s always nice to have a degree since you never know. Plus, Jared needs to study something if he wants to keep his scholarship, so it might as well be something he enjoys. His plan is to study one year in Paris and then return to UT Austin so he can finish his degree over there.His personal life is also going well. Jared has some friends in the city, he has been living at the dorm in the university and has a roommate, Jacques, who is a cool dude and also helps him with his French. Jared also goes out eventually with some dudes he meets at the university and also at bars when he goes out with friends. It has never become anything more than a one night stand with anyone yet, and Jared isn’t pursuing more. He just wants to study, play b-ball, and have fun while it lasts.Sure, he misses home. It’s not easy to be this far away. Jared misses his friends, Chad, his team, the familiarity of being in Texas. He wonders how the team is doing, he sometimes talks to one or two of his former teammates, who say that they’re doing alright but it’s not the same without him. Well, they have Jensen so Jared assumes they’re okay. Jared doesn’t think about Jensen or what he’s doing back in Austin. He’s probably being his usual annoying self, beating people at keg stands, showing off with his basketball skills and parading around with his perfect girlfriend. Jared is relieved to be far away from the dude, that’s what he is. That one night stand they had was a big mistake, something Jared doesn’t even think about anymore. It’s the best thing that they don’t see each other anymore. Jared definitely can’t stand that dude.
Jensen
“You need to be more responsible Jensen,” Alan says as Jensen sits on the chair across from him at the desk. “You treat this job as child play. I don’t see you really committing here. You need to stop going out like you do and playing that damn basketball. You’re a grown up already, so you need to start acting like one.”Jensen rolls his eyes as he turns left and right on the chair. “Acting like Josh, you mean?”“It wouldn’t hurt to follow your brother’s example.”Jensen scoffs. “It must kill you that I’m not a carbon copy of perfect Joshua, huh? Sorry dad, but I’m not like him. I want to enjoy my life while I can and not be stuck here in a suit under the A/C with my nose buried on the computer screen 24/7 without ever having any fun like my dear brother. You want me to work here, I work here. But I won’t give up on my life to be what you want me to be.”Alan studies Jensen for a while with tight lips. “I don’t understand what I did wrong with you.”Jensen scoffs. “You did nothing wrong, Mr. Ackles. Your son just wants to enjoy life, that’s all. You got one boring and one fun son. That’s all. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go since I’m going out tonight.”Jensen leaves the office and drives to his apartment, feeling annoyed as he usually is after talking to his father. He can’t understand Jensen’s lifestyle, he wants Jensen to be what he envisioned and doesn’t accept that he doesn’t follow his “plan”. They have had this discussion many times, with Alan constantly comparing Jensen to Josh. His brother also annoys him deeply with his uptightness and loyalty to his father. No wonder they’ve grown so much apart. Josh also tries to talk Jensen into being more “responsible” - meaning becoming a puppet to their father as well - and they always end up arguing about it too.Is it so wrong wanting to enjoy life as Jensen does? He’s young, he just wants to play b-ball and have a good time with his friends, enjoy his girl, go out for drinks, do some racing sometimes. What’s wrong with that? He will have plenty of time to be responsible in the future. And if he manages to become a professional player as he wants to, he won’t even have to work for his father’s office. Why can’t they just leave him alone?Chris and Steve aren’t at the apartment tonight, Danni is out of town and Jensen doesn’t feel like being alone. He messages some friends and drives to a bar they usually meet up at. Jensen has a good amount of beer so he can forget the conversation with his father. One of them invites Jensen to a race, and he can’t say no. There’s a part of town that is more desert, the perfect place to do some racing and Jensen actually likes to blow off some steam by pushing the gas pedal of his car as deep as it will go. So they leave the bar and drive to meet the rest of the people already waiting. Jensen knows he’s being irresponsible. He’s not only driving under influence, but he’s racing on top of it. He can’t help it, though. He likes the adrenaline, and the booze in his system gives him an extra boost. When he drops into his bed later that night, the conversation with his father doesn’t even register anymore.*Months pass and things are more or less the same. Jensen is now the most valuable player at the team, and it definitely feels good not to share the spotlight with anyone else. Not that he thinks about Jared too often, he doesn’t. He hasn’t heard about the man ever since he left, about eight months ago. He assumes Jared is doing well in Paris or wherever the hell he is. Jensen has absolutely no idea if Jared is ever coming back or not, and of course he doesn’t care. Jared can stay gone for all Jensen cares. It was nice when they played together at the top of their game and won everything, that’s all. Not that the team doesn’t win now, but it’s not like it used to be. If Jared ever comes back, the only good side would be that they maybe could get their mojo at the court back now that it has been months since they… well.Jensen could say that he’s content. He plays the sport he loves, the crowd adores him. He knows people miss J-Squared, but they cheer for Jensen alone as well. He’s getting a degree in business, which is something he’s not a huge fan of but he’s doing it to please his father at least to some extent. It’s not like Jensen plans on actually using his degree, he wants to play basketball professionally. If it was up for Jensen to pick a degree, he would probably go for graphic design. Jensen secretly loves drawing, is actually good at it, like a hidden talent. But he didn’t want to give his father another reason to argue with him endlessly, so business it is. Alan can have the diploma once Jensen graduates, and he can shove it where the sun doesn't shine.Jensen also keeps having his fun as usual, still dating Danneel and going out with friends to bars whenever possible. Chris and Steve sometimes ask Jensen to slow down, but Jensen doesn’t want to listen to his friends. He’s living his life like there’s no tomorrow, and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it.*It’s a day like any other. Jensen wakes up early on Friday for his usual classes in the morning. Then he goes to basketball practice, and the coach goes hard on them. Jensen is beat by the time he leaves the locker room. Then he goes to the office, and he hasn’t been in for even ten minutes when his father walks in.“You’re late. Again.”Jensen scoffs. “I had practice today. You knew that.”“How many more times will we have this conversation, Jensen? This isn’t a hobby, you’re an employee here and you can’t just show up whenever you feel like it! We had an important meeting and only Joshua was there, I made it pretty clear I wanted you both in it!”Jensen stands up and throws his arms to the side. “Why don’t you clone Josh then? I’m sure it’s doable. That way you can have two perfect sons and just forget I exist if I’m such a failure as you keep reminding me every damn day!”“You know what, that’s an excellent idea. Sadly we don’t have a cloning machine but I’ll definitely look into that. This way maybe I can have both sons at least showing up at the right time and honoring their commitments.”Jensen opens his mouth but the door opens and Josh peeks inside. “What the hell is going in here? I can hear your voices from my office!”Jensen makes a motion with his hand. “Come in, Joshy! Let daddy tell you all about his plan to clone you so he can get rid of me. I’m obviously a huge failure to him, so that way he won’t have to deal with evil me anymore. He can have two perfect uptight preppy sons to kiss his ass all day long and follow his orders like puppies. Be careful with the competition though, there’s only one CEO position!”Josh purses his lips. “Don’t be like that Jensen. Why do you have to always be so difficult?”Jensen lets out a laugh. “Difficult? Is it a crime wanting to have fun and not follow orders left and right? I’m sorry I’m not like you Josh, that I’m not the brother and son you guys envisioned. I’m sorry I didn’t come out according to the plan.”Alan huffs. “You’re just being dramatic and immature now, Jensen. You have a very comfortable life, always have. Is it too much to ask for you to give something back? All I want is for you to carry on with all of this in the future with Josh!”“Have you ever wondered if I want to? Have you ever asked? No! I don’t want this, I don’t want a 9-5 job! I don’t want to sit behind a desk all day long! I want to play basketball, that’s the thing I love to do!”Alan purses his lips. “How long will you insist on this basketball thing?”“You could play eventually Jensen, but you should consider spending more time here,” his brother adds.Jensen looks from one to the other, shaking his head. “You don’t even know how good I am. You never cared. I’ve said many times how much I love basketball and want to make this my future, and you guys act like I’m just playing around and wasting my time. You don’t believe in me, you never have. All you want is someone to take over your company once you retire. Was that why you had kids, dad? Had me? So your company will stay in the family? Well I’m sorry but I don’t want it. Josh can have all of it. I’ll be big one day, you guys will see. I’ll play in the NBA and guess what? I won’t even invite you to my games. You never supported me so you won’t be there with me when I make it big. I don’t want you there. I guess I can’t count on my family for anything, I’ve asked for your support for years and you all but ignored me. You know what? I’ve had it. You want to fire me, go ahead. Get yourself a clone of Josh and forget I exist. I’m tired of all of this bullshit.”With that, Jensen grabs his stuff and heads to the door. Josh calls after him. “Where are you going, Jensen??”“I don’t know. Away from you guys. I’m sick and tired of you and all of this bullshit. Of being a pariah. Being compared to you 24/7. I’ll never be as perfect as you so I’ve had it. See you around, I’m out.”With that Jensen leaves, and instead of going home he decides to hit a bar. He’s exhausted and grumpy, he could definitely blow off some steam today. Danneel is going out with her girlfriends so that’s out of the question. Bar it is. He meets up with some friends and they have a few rounds of beer. Eventually Jensen hits the bathroom and checks his phone. There are a couple of missed calls from his father and Josh, but Jensen doesn’t care. He absentmindedly opens Instagram and starts scrolling down. Some posts from accounts he doesn’t follow show up on his feed, and he does a double check when he sees a familiar face. He scrolls back and finds a post from Jared’s Instagram, he has never checked his account. He sees that a couple of his teammates have liked the post, so it’s probably why it showed up on his feed.Jared is at a party somewhere, posing with a bunch of people. He has his arms around a blonde dude, as if they’re very intimate. Jensen zooms in the picture and can see how Jared’s hair is longer, so is his beard. He looks tanned and healthy, with a megawatt smile, as if he has everything going on for himself. Jensen stares at Jared’s face for longer than necessary, the way he holds the dude next to him, squeezing his shoulder. Jensen wants to punch Jared’s face repeatedly. He hasn’t seen anything from the dude in months, and this picture now rubs him in a very wrong way, Jensen can’t even tell why.Jensen locks his phone and orders more beers, then a few more. He wants to forget everything today. Eventually he’s tired and buzzed, but when he’s invited to a race he can’t say no. A tiny part of him says it’s not a good idea, since he’s sleepy and drunk, but Jensen shuts down the voice. He’s doing fine and one race will do him good. Then he can go home and crash for the rest of the night.He arrives at the site for the race, which is already filled with people. Jensen lines up next to a few other cars, gripping the steering wheel tight and blinking a few times, forcing his brain to work. The seatbelt is hurting the side of his neck so he takes it off as usual. The race starts and Jensen pushes the gas pedal as down as it will go, and tries to control his car. He manages to drive straight for a couple of minutes, but then it’s like his body starts to shut down. The exhaustion and the booze take the better of him, and Jensen blacks out for a couple of seconds. When he opens his eyes again, the car is swerving to the left, almost colliding with the car on the other lane. On a whim, Jensen turns the steering wheel violently to the right.There’s an abandoned construction site just off the road, and Jensen drives through some traffic cones, knocking them over. Jensen tries to control the car, but he’s just too fast. There’s a wooden ramp and the car drives over it, flying through the air for a few seconds before turning to the right and crashing to the ground, flipping over and over a few times. The violence of the impact and abrupt deceleration cause Jensen - who wasn’t wearing a seat belt - to slam his body against the hard parts of the car and then be expelled from it through the windshield, landing hard on the ground over the broken glass.Jensen is unconscious even before the car stops moving.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
Consciousness comes and goes many times. It’s hard for Jensen to grasp what’s happening, where he is. It doesn’t look like his room, his bed. He sees a lot of white and also blue, lights above his head and he can’t understand anything. Before he can even try to think about what’s going on he’s asleep again, and this goes on a few times. Eventually Jensen stays awake just enough to notice something shoved down his throat, and he starts gagging. A man comes over and Jensen thinks he’s telling Jensen to cough as hard as possible, and Jensen does it. The thing is taken away and it’s a huge relief, especially when someone else puts something cold and wet in his mouth.A few sleeps and awakenings later, Jensen manages to focus some more. He takes a look around and realizes he’s probably in a hospital. He has absolutely no idea what happened that put him here. He tries to focus on the last thing he remembers. He was playing basketball, then he argued with his father and brother. Then Jensen thinks he went out for some drinks, but that’s it. He tries to force his brain but he’s still too disoriented to remember anything further.Jensen licks his lips and tries to move, but he can’t. He notices his whole body seems weird somehow. There’s something hard squeezing his whole torso, but his arms are too uncoordinated for him to properly touch it. He can’t even feel some parts of his body, perhaps they gave him some sort of anesthesia?Jensen’s brain is too foggy and he gives up on trying to understand. He looks around but there’s no familiar faces, just nurses here and there, and Jensen doesn’t have the strength to ask them anything. He falls asleep again.Next time Jensen wakes up, he’s in a different room. It’s slightly less white than the one he was at, and there’s only his bed, where he’s lying almost completely flat on. He tries to look around and sees his brother sitting by his bed, looking at his phone.“Josh?” Jensen says with a weak voice and a frown on his face. What is his brother doing here?Josh looks up and gives Jensen a tired smile. “Hey bro. Are you more awake now?”Jensen thinks for a few moments. “I guess so. I still feel dizzy, my head hurts. Where am I? A hospital?”Josh nods. “Yep, you’re in the hospital. You were in the ICU for a while and finally was deemed good enough to be transferred to a regular room, thank God.”“What happened to me? I can’t remember it.”Josh lets out a breath. “There was a pretty violent car accident, Jensen. You were brought here in critical condition.”Jensen frowns again. Car accident? Perhaps he was in one of the races? Did he go to one after the bar? “I don’t think I remember it… how long ago was it? Can’t you lift the back of this bed? I can’t even see you properly.”Josh looks at him in a way Jensen can’t decipher. “It was about twelve days ago. You’ve been in a coma ever since, you just started waking up a couple of days ago. It was pretty much touch and go for a while, the doctors said. And well… sorry Jensen, I can’t lift the bed. Doctor’s orders.”Jensen tries to think. He has been in the hospital for almost two weeks, wow. Did he really almost die? That’s insane. Jensen lifts his arms, which seem to weigh a ton, and manages to look at his hands only from the way he’s lying. He can see many cuts and bruises on them, and imagines if his whole body is looking like that. Then he brings his hands to his torso and touches the hard thing encasing it.“What’s that?” He asks Josh.“It’s… it’s a brace to stabilize your spine. You needed to have surgery on it.”Jensen can see Josh looks weird, and doesn’t provide further information. He tries to focus on his lower body and notices again that he actually can’t feel a damn thing below his waist.“I feel weird. Did they give me some anesthesia? Because I can’t feel anything from my waist down.”Josh purses his lips. “I think it’s better if I call the doctor so he can talk to you and explain things better. I’ll be right back.”Josh leaves the room and Jensen is left feeling confused and scared. He has no idea what’s happening to him, the state he’s in. He can’t even see his body, his legs might not even be attached anymore for all he knows. From the way Josh said, the accident was pretty bad. Could something serious have happened to Jensen?A man enters the room, giving Jensen a small smile.“Hello, Jensen. I’m Doctor Kripke, I’ve been taking care of you since you were brought in. How are you feeling?”Jensen manages to shrug a tiny bit. “I have no idea. I feel weird all over, my brother said I was in a car crash but I can’t remember it. What happened to me, doctor? Is there too much damage?”The doctor licks his lips. “Jensen, I’m gonna do some sensory tests and then we can talk, okay?” Jensen nods. “I’m gonna unstrap the front of the brace from around your torso but please stay still, okay? Your spine needs to stay still.”Jensen nods again and the doctor does as he just said. Jensen feels an instant relief as he unstraps the brace, as if his chest can finally expand a bit. The doctor uses a needle to poke Jensen’s abdomen.“Can you feel this, Jensen?”“Yes.”“Now?”“Yes.”“Now?”“Yes.”“Now?”“...”“Anything?”Jensen frowns and swallows hard. “I don’t feel anything.”The doctor keeps asking if Jensen can feel it, and the answer remains the same. From this angle, Jensen can’t even see which parts of Jensen’s body he’s poking, and he begins feeling nervous.“What’s happening to me?”Doctor Kripke straps the brace around Jensen’s torso again, and sits down beside him, linking his fingers.“Jensen, you arrived here in critical condition. From what I understand, you lost control of the vehicle you were driving, you drove through an old construction site, and the car flipped over a few times. You weren’t wearing a seatbelt, and your body was thrown around the car with the force of the impact and the abrupt deceleration. Then you were ejected from the vehicle through the windshield, landing hard on the ground. You arrived here at the hospital with a serious internal bleeding, you were also bleeding from many cuts in your body. You also had a serious concussion from hitting your head many times. It took us a while to be able to stabilize you and get you to surgery to try and repair your internal injuries and stop the sources of bleeding, we really almost lost you. You were in a coma for a few days, your body needed the time to heal and we have been monitoring you since your condition was still pretty serious from all injuries.”The doctor makes a pause and Jensen just waits, not daring to say anything. “Jensen, we performed a CT scan and other tests to assess the extent of the injuries in your body. And from it, we were able to determine that you sustained an incomplete injury to the 11th and 12th thoracic vertebrae in your spinal cord.”It’s like someone dumps a bucket of ice cold water all over Jensen’s body. He swallows hard and looks at the doctor with wide eyes. “Does that mean I’m… I’m paralyzed?”The doctor purses his lips. “Well Jensen, I’m afraid so. You have a spinal cord injury and from the sensory tests we did, I can say that right now you’re paralyzed from your waist down.”Jensen blinks a few times, this is surreal. It can’t be true. “I won’t… I won’t be able to walk again? Ever? What will happen to me?”“Look Jensen… it’s hard to say anything for certain in the medical field. No two spinal cord injuries are the same. We performed a surgery in your spine to try and repair it, remove the shattered pieces and stabilize it as much as possible, inserting titanium plates to hold the injured area in place. But unfortunately there still isn’t a cure to SCI. There are complete injuries, when the vertebra is completely severed, and incomplete, which is your case. The vertebra wasn’t completely broken but the damage was also extensive. There’s still swelling around the injured area, that’s why you have no feeling or movement at all right now. Once the swelling goes down and with proper physical therapy, there’s a chance you can regain some of those functions on your legs. But unfortunately it’s not very likely that you’ll be able to walk like you used to. I’m sorry that I don’t have better news for you.”Jensen takes in the doctor’s words, and he can’t believe this. Just yesterday, or so it seems to Jensen, he was living his regular life. Now he’s here, lying almost flat on a hospital bed, hearing that his life is over from now on. Everything is over for Jensen. He should have died in the crash.“What will happen to me now?” Jensen asks in a voice completely voided with emotion, like his soul has left his body and there’s nothing left.“Well, now you’ll go through a long recovery period. You’ll need to stay immobile for a while, that’s why you’re wearing the brace around your torso. Since we performed the surgery in your spine, it needs to stay still so it can heal properly. And hopefully like I said, you may even regain some function. With time you’re gonna slowly begin getting active again, change positions, be able to sit up and so on. I won’t lie that it will be easy because it won’t, and you need to be prepared for some hard times ahead. You’ll go through intense physical therapy and once you’re discharged, you’ll go to a rehab center so you can keep up with your recovery program and learn everything again. But those are all the next steps. For now you need to assimilate the news and let it sink in. I know it’s not easy news in the slightest, and you need to go through the grieving period. A therapist will come by regularly to talk to you. It’s also important to have your loved ones close to help you deal with all of this.”Jensen just nods, barely listening to what the doctor is saying, his mind feeling like a black hole.“I think… I think I need to be alone for a while. It’s too much to take in.”The doctor nods and gets up. “If you need anything just press this button. We are all here to help and make sure you’re doing alright.”
Alright.
How could Jensen be alright in the slightest? When the stupid doctor just told him he will never take a step again? He may even try to sugarcoat things that Jensen will have some function again, but what will Jensen do with that when he can’t do the most important? It feels like there’s nothing below his waistline. Like his body isn’t even there anymore. And since Jensen can’t see his legs from this angle, he imagines his body cut off halfway down. Like he’s just a head and a torso lying there.Jensen won’t walk again. With a deep pang in his heart, deeper than anything he has ever felt, he thinks about basketball. His chest constricts - even more than it already is - when it sinks in that his basketball career is over from now on. The thing he loves doing the most in the world. The thing that gives his life purpose. What he was born to do.Jensen won’t be able to play basketball anymore.The whole world collapses around Jensen and it feels like he’s falling and falling, into the darkest and deepest black hole in the universe. There’s nothing around himself anymore, only darkness and more darkness. His desperation is so huge that Jensen’s body goes into shock. He feels like crying, like sobbing, like screaming about the unfairness of it all, about the end of his life at just twenty-one years old, but he can’t. He stays still staring at the ceiling, every cell in his body shutting down and turning into stone.Why didn’t he die? The doctor said he had a massive internal bleeding, why did they stop it? Why not let Jensen bleed his life out, until he went to a much better place? What’s the point of staying here if his body has been broken in half?Jensen closes his eyes and whispers, more times than he can count. God, lemme die please. Take me away from here, I don’t want to live in this nightmare. Please let me die right now.Jensen has no idea how long he spends in this loop, whispering these words, hoping a lightning bolt would strike and kill him for good. Eventually he hears the door opening and he stops mid sentence. He opens his eyes and finds his parents entering the room. Jensen doesn’t say anything, just watches as his mother approaches him, tears in her eyes, and caresses his hair.“Oh dear, it’s so good to see you finally awake. I was so, so worried about you. Thank god you woke up.” She leans down and plants a kiss on Jensen's forehead, who doesn’t even move. “How are you feeling, baby? We know that… well, that the doctor told you already.”Jensen just looks at his mother, almost saying he feels like dying more than anything, but he knows it’s not what she wants to hear.“I’m alive, aren’t I?”Donna gives Jensen a teary smile as she keeps caressing his hair. “Yes, thank God you are. I thought we were going to lose you. It’s a miracle that you’re here.”Jensen can’t see the miracle anywhere.Alan approaches the bed so he can be more in Jensen’s line of vision. “Some scare you gave us there, Jensen.”Jensen purses his lips. “Sorry, dad.”“The doctor said you’ll have a long recovery period. I assume you’re gonna have to go stay with us once you leave the hospital, you’re gonna need assistance at least in the beginning and you can’t go back to that apartment you shared with your friends.”Jensen sighs, leave it to his father to be always straightforward like this, not sugarcoating anything. His son almost died and just became paralyzed, and yet the first thing Alan talks about are the arrangements they will have to make to accommodate his now crippled son.“Yeah I guess,” it’s the only thing Jensen can say. But sadly his father isn’t done.“What were you even thinking Jensen? How did you get yourself into this mess?” Jensen just stares at his father, unable to answer, and he goes on. “How could you get drunk and get behind the wheel like that? I thought you were more responsible! This combination couldn’t have ended well, and now here’s the result!”Jensen frowns at his father. “I was drunk?”Alan scoffs. “It’s what the report says.”It’s then that it starts coming back to Jensen. He had been at the bar, then he went to the race as usual. He had more than a few beers that night, as he had done many times, not thinking anything would come of it. Then it finally hits Jensen like a truck crashing into his chest and leaving him breathless.“This is my fault,” Jensen whispers, to himself much more than to his father, but Alan nods anyway, rubbing salt to the wound.“Well, if you hadn’t had the brilliant idea of driving after having alcohol this wouldn’t have happened. You were charged with DUI, our lawyer is handling the case.”“God can you please leave me alone for one fucking second??” Jensen bursts out, giving his father a hard stare. “I literally learned I’m crippled like five minutes ago, can you please cut me some slack? Is this too much to ask?”“I’m just saying what happened Jensen, I–”“Okay, thank you! I can imagine how even more disappointed you are in me right now and how you are probably comparing me to Josh more than ever, but can you just give me the space I need to deal with this without giving me crap? I’m barely registering all this new information, I don’t need you making it even worse than it already is!”Alan opens his mouth to retort yet again when the door opens and Josh steps inside. “Hey mom, dad. Why don’t you go grab something to eat? I’ll keep Jensen company for now.”Alan tries to protest but Josh almost shoves them out of the room, Donna kissing Jensen again before leaving. Jensen is thankful for that but he doesn’t know if he can deal with his brother as well. As the door closes, Josh walks to the bed and sits on the armchair next to it.“I could hear your voices from outside, I assumed you needed an intervention.”Jensen scoffs. “Yeah, you guessed right. You’re not here to scold me as well for fucking everything up, are you? Because there’s only so much I can take. I know I fucked up and I’m not the perfect son like you. Now more than ever. I don’t need that thrown on my face.”Josh shakes his head and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “No, bro. Don’t worry. Look…” Josh looks down, and Jensen turns his face to the side, noticing his brother is getting emotional. When he looks up, his eyes are shining. “I’m sorry. For not being the brother you deserved, for always giving you crap for being the way you are, for not supporting you. You deserved a much better brother than I was to you.”Jensen frowns. “Where’s this coming from?”Josh shrugs. “Almost losing a brother gives you a new perspective of things. Those were rough days, Jensen. The doctors kept telling us that you didn’t have much of a chance. And then they told us that if you managed to pull through by any chance, then you…”Josh swallows hard and Jensen purses his lips. “That I was crippled for life.”“I wouldn’t use this word, but yes.”“I fucked up so bad, Josh. It’s all on me. You and dad used to give me crap all the time about me not being responsible. I guess this is your way of saying ‘I told you so’, isn’t it?”Josh shakes his head. “God, no. I’d never do that. I never thought that. I just felt terrified with the prospect of losing my only brother. And I realized what a shitty big brother I have been to you, only focused on my career instead of having a relationship with you. I felt devastated when the doctor said you wouldn’t be able to walk anymore because it’s so not fair.”Jensen swallows hard, blinking a few times and swallowing down his emotions. “Perhaps it’s the punishment I get for being so reckless. Having my life ending at the tender age of twenty-one.”Josh leans closer. “God Jensen, no. It’s not a punishment. And your life isn’t over.”Jensen scoffs. “How the fuck not, Josh?? Look at me! What can I possibly do with my life from now on when I can’t walk anymore? I’ll just become a burden to everyone. Dad made that pretty clear. He says I’ll go back to their house when I get discharged, but I can tell he is far from pleased with having me there.”“You could come live with me and Kelly.”Jensen shakes his head. “No way. You guys have just moved in together and are engaged and all. I’d never disrupt your life like this, Josh. I’ll just suck it up and go live with mom and dad.”Josh stays silent for a few moments then licks his lips. “I truly am sorry, Jensen. For everything. I promise from now on I’ll be the big brother you deserve. I’ll be by your side through this, I promise. I know it will be hard but I got you, okay? You can count on me.”Jensen feels a small sense of relief hearing those words. He never realized he actually missed his brother. They’ve grown apart as they grew older, and Jensen could use his brother by his side through this uncertain future.“Thanks, Josh. This means a lot.”*The next few days are Jensen’s personal hell on Earth. His new reality slowly sinks in and he feels like he’s falling deeper and deeper. A therapist comes talk to him a few times, but Jensen doesn’t feel like sharing much. There’s nothing that could make him feel better about this situation.Chris and Steve visit him a few times, and Jensen can see how both are devastated with what happened. They offer to move to a new apartment or house so Jensen can keep living with them, but Jensen refuses that too. Their apartment is a small cluttered thing, plus there’s a flight of stairs in front of it. It would be inaccessible for Jensen if he’s in a… wheelchair. He knows he can’t live there anymore and doesn’t want his friends having to move to another place, let alone having to deal with a cripple on a daily basis.Jensen also asks his friends what everyone back in college knows about what happened to him. Chris just says that people heard there was an accident, but don’t know much since neither he or Steve told anyone about what happened. Jensen feels relieved.“I don’t want anyone to know what happened to me,” he asks both of his friends, looking intensely at them. He feels ashamed of his condition and doesn’t want anyone to hear about it. “Please, don’t tell anyone. I’ll drop out and see what I’ll do from now on. But please keep a secret about this.”“Not even your teammates and Jeff?”Jensen shakes his head. “Not even them.” A flash of Jared passes through Jensen’s mind, and the last thing Jensen wants is for anyone, let alone him, to learn about Jensen’s condition. “No one, okay? Make up some shit, tell people I had to move out of town, or anything. But please don’t say that I’m paralyzed. Please.”Chris and Steve agree, and Jensen remembers something. “What about Danneel? Does she know?”Steve nods. “Yeah, she does. I think she talked to your mom. I guess she will be by to see you sometime soon.”Jensen is dreading the encounter with his girlfriend, and it happens a few days after he has woken up. It’s the first day when he’s allowed to prop the bed a bit higher, allowing for him to sit a little more upright. It also brings Jensen new emotions, since he’s finally able to see his legs for the first time. Jensen takes a look at them covered by the blue sheet, and swallows hard. With limited movements due to the brace, he slowly manages to bring his hand down and remove the sheet from his right leg. And it looks just the same as Jensen remembers it. Too normal, he would say.But when Jensen touches it, it feels like touching someone else. There’s no sensation of his hand on it, not even when Jensen squeezes hard. His leg is completely dead, he can’t even feel the sheet covering the other one, and the feeling is too surreal. Jensen feels the loss so deep and raw, like the black hole is expanding from the center of his chest outwards, engulfing his whole body and soul. Half of Jensen’s body is dead, just like he feels.Not too long after, Danneel walks inside the room. She comes closer to the bed, and gives Jensen a once over, her eyes lingering on the brace around his torso, and fixing on his legs, especially the uncovered one.“Hey Jensen. How are you?”Jensen swallows hard. “Been better, as you can probably imagine.”“We were all very worried about you. I’m very glad that you’re still here.”Danneel seems very off, not like the caring, loving girl that Jensen knew, the one that couldn’t get her hands off Jensen. She hasn’t touched him once, and he can see how she’s keeping her distance.“Just spill it, Danni.”She blinks a few times, giving him a surprised look. “What do you mean?”“You look weird. You haven’t touched me. What is it?” She purses his lips and grips the strap of her purse as if she’s very uncomfortable being here. Jensen decides to put her out of her misery. “You want to break up with me, is that it?”From the look of her face, this is exactly what’s happening. “It’s just that… I–”“Save it, Danneel. If you didn’t do it, I would. I’d never put you through this, leave you stuck with a crippled boyfriend. You’re gorgeous and deserve someone better.” Someone whole. “You’re free to be with whoever you want.”Jensen can see her eyes getting moist. “I’m so sorry, Jensen. I really am. You’re a great guy and what we had was incredible, but…”“But you didn’t sign up for a wheelchair-bound boyfriend. I get it.”“It’s just too much.”Jensen snorts. “Like I don’t know. It’s much more to me, believe it.”Danneel shakes her head, her eyes widening. “I don’t mean it like that Jensen, I–”Jensen holds up a hand. “You know what? Let’s not. It’s over. You’re free. Can you just leave now? I don’t want to prolong this any further. You saw me already, you said what you came to say and I appreciate that you at least came to say it in person and didn't just disappear. Thanks for your visit and I wish you all the best from now on. Can we leave it at that? And please if it’s not too much to ask, could you please not tell anyone about my paralysis? I don’t want people to know.”Danneel nods, lowering her head. “Yes of course, I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry. Sorry again. I also wish you all the best in your recovery, Jensen. I’ll see you.”With that she leaves the room, and Jensen leans against the bed, closing his eyes. It’s not like he had an undying love for Danneel, but he did care about her a lot. He was already set on breaking up with her since nobody should have to deal with a crippled boyfriend, but a tiny tiny part of him had a stupid hope that she would fight him over it, that she would stay by his side through it all. But that hope was just crushed.It’s something else that starts sinking in. Jensen’s love life is also over. Who would want a guy who can’t move? With another deep pang in his heart, Jensen realizes he probably won’t be able to get his dick hard again. He can’t even feel his dick. How depressing is this? He brings his hand to his crotch and pokes his dick a few times, feeling the soft flesh, but again it feels like it belongs to someone else. He will be a loner forever.Again an image of Jared fills Jensen’s mind, he goes back to their one night together, how Jensen manhandled Jared so harshly, pounding inside of him with his dick and throwing him around on the bed. Jensen can’t do any of that anymore, and once more he hopes Jared never finds out what happened to him, how he’s not even the shadow of the man he once was, in every aspect of the word.*Jensen spends the next few weeks recovering as much as possible. A physical therapist starts working with him everyday, getting him to change positions on the bed, doing exercises with him, moving his legs since apparently that’s important to do. Jensen doesn’t care about any of that.It’s like his soul has left his body and he’s just functioning. He does what he’s told, he doesn’t complain, but he simply cannot care. He doesn’t see the point in doing all of that despite the doctor and the therapist saying it’s extremely important. As the swelling in his spine starts going down, he does regain little sensation in some parts of his lower body. It’s almost nothing, he basically feels it when someone applies pressure to some spots. There’s also a tingling sensation here and there that feels extremely weird. Despite the doctor saying he can regain function in his legs, Jensen doesn’t hold his breath that it could happen, he doesn’t want to get his hopes up.When Jensen finally manages to sit up on his own - with support since his torso is still unsteady, they finally bring him a wheelchair.Jensen wants to throw the damn thing out the window. He looks at the awful old thing and hates it with every fiber of his being. He doesn’t want to need a wheelchair to get around, it shouldn’t have to be like that. The therapist tells Jensen this is a temporary wheelchair, they’re gonna take measurements of his body so he can have his own, custom made chair in the near future. He says it as if it’s something cool. As if it’s not pretty much a death sentence to Jensen, having his own personalized, permanent wheelchair. He doesn’t want a permanent wheelchair, he just wants to walk out of this damn hospital and leave this nightmare behind. Is it too much to ask?The first time he sits in the chair, he feels like puking. First, he feels completely humiliated when the physical therapist uses a special lift to transfer him from the bed to the wheelchair. There’s a sling attached to it and he straps Jensen in it, and the thing moves him all the way to the chair. Jensen feels like a sack of potatoes.Then when he’s deposited in the chair, he feels even worse. Jensen realizes this is how it will always be. He can’t go anywhere without the damn thing, not even five feet away. He’s that useless and broken. It’s uncomfortable, his body isn’t used to it, he’s still wearing the fucking brace, and everything feels alien. The therapist encourages Jensen to try and wheel himself around the room, but Jensen can only bring himself to give a couple of pushes before he can’t anymore. It feels too much for his mind and body, and he gives up on it.Jensen just doesn’t feel like doing any of it, if it was up to him he would just stay in bed and wait for death to take mercy on him, but the damn therapist won’t leave him alone. He keeps coming back and making Jensen work on his rehabilitation, and Jensen just goes with it while he detaches himself from what’s happening around him.Jensen is learning that being paraplegic is far worse that he had originally thought. It’s not only not being able to walk, far from it. No, it’s much much worse. For one, he can’t pee and take a shit like a normal person anymore, and hell if this isn’t the most humiliating thing in the world. There’s a catheter always coming out of his dick and an urine bag attached to it. The doctor said he won’t need to wear the bag all the time once he learns how to empty his bladder from time to time. He also has a nurse help him take a shit and Jensen feels like dying even more everytime this happens. He’s supposed to do it himself in the future, but the bottom line is that Jensen simply has no control of his basic necessities anymore, for now he can’t feel when he has to go to the bathroom, and there’s no way to know if he will regain this function in the future.There’s also the fact that he has to constantly change positions so he won’t develop pressure sores on his skin. Also the need to move his legs so he won’t atrophy from lack of movement. And lots of other things that come as a bonus with his injury. Yep, being paraplegic sucks big, big time.Jensen gets some visitors from time to time, mostly his mother who comes by everyday, his brother is always visiting too. He is making good on his promise to be a better brother to Jensen and he’s honestly thankful for it, even if he can’t bring himself to demonstrate it. Josh always tries to encourage him and get his mind off everything awful that’s happening. Chris and Steve often come by as well, always making sure Jensen knows they’re still his friends and won’t dump him just because he has a new ride. Jensen honestly hopes that’s true, even if he knows it will be a burden to them having a friend who’s stuck in a wheelchair and can barely do anything. His father comes by sometimes but to be honest Jensen wishes he wouldn’t come. Alan can’t disguise the disappointment from his face, and Jensen knows he blames Jensen for what’s happening.Well, Jensen blames himself too, every damn minute of everyday, he just doesn’t need someone else doing that too. Jensen knows the guilt will eat him alive until his last day on earth. He has nobody else to blame for this mess but himself, he was the one who took the risk and got drunk before getting behind the wheel. He wishes he had someone else to blame, to yell at, to vent to. But there’s nobody, Jensen is the only one to blame. Which makes everything ten times worse, and Jensen lets the guilt eat his insides every single second he’s awake, burying his feelings inside as he falls deeper and deeper in the black hole.*About a month after waking up, Jensen is discharged from the hospital. It’s around Jensen’s 22nd birthday, but he has absolutely no reason or inclination to celebrate anything. He should be happy that he’s being discharged, but he still feels just hollow inside. The tiny, very tiny hope he had that a miracle would happen and he would walk out of the hospital is crushed when a nurse wheels him through the hallway to the parking lot where there’s an ambulance waiting. He’s being taken to the rehab center so he can continue his therapy before he can go home.There wasn’t much progress during the past month. At least Jensen finally got rid of the brace that he hated so much. He manages to wheel himself around for short distances, but he’s still too weak for much more, plus the wheelchair he’s using is too heavy. They said his own chair will be delivered soon and oh boy. Jensen is so excited for it. He’s told he will learn everything at the rehab center, how to do things in a different way, how to adapt, how to function in his new life. Jensen doesn’t see the point in doing any of it. Why does he have to learn how to function if he won’t be able to do anything anymore? If he won’t even have a life anymore after this? He just goes with it since it’s what it’s expected of him, but he honestly doesn’t see the point.*They give Jensen a room at the rehab center, it’s dull and impersonal and completely adapted to someone in a wheelchair. Jensen dies a little more on the inside every time he realizes all the adaptations he needs just to function. Josh is with him and helps him get settled, put all his clothes and personal items away, and everything. He keeps Jensen company until the evening, when it’s time for bed. A nurse helps Jensen take a shower - which he now needs to sit down for - and get settled on the bed. Before sleeping, Jensen takes his phone and starts scrolling down his Instagram account for the first time since the accident. He hasn’t felt like checking his phone so far, but now he gathers courage to do it.There’s a few comments on Jensen’s latest photos wishing him a good recovery, others wondering what happened and how he’s doing. Jensen quickly takes a look at his posts and his heart shatters inside his chest. He sees himself up and around, jumping in the air to dunk a ball, hanging out with his friends. Jensen realizes this belongs to another life, another Jensen that doesn’t exist anymore. It hurts to the very core of his soul to see himself standing, playing basketball, knowing he will never have this again. That the life he knew is completely over and it hurts more than anything he ever faced. On a whim, Jensen deletes every single picture from his Instagram. He doesn’t need any more reminders of what he used to be.Then he starts scrolling down his feed, seeing all the posts from the people he follows, his friends, teammates, acquaintances. Jensen sees how they’re living they’re normal lives, partying, playing, going out, everything. Jensen realizes that life went on for everyone but himself. People are out there living their normal lives, not giving a single shit about the turmoil Jensen is living. Not waiting for him to get out of this. It stings deeply how the world never stops, it was just Jensen’s world that stopped. That will never go forward again. It feels like his world is spiraling out of control, and Jensen can’t get it to straight up again.Jensen looks around the room, at the bare walls, and he feels like suffocating. He feels terrified of his future, of having everything taken away from him. Once again Jensen wishes he would just sleep and never wake up again.There’s just no point anymore.*Jensen spends the next month and half at the rehab center, and it just feels like another chapter of his own hell on Earth. A few days after he arrived at the center, he received his permanent wheelchair. It should be something good, he was finally getting rid of the heavy, old thing he had been using, but also it had a tone of finality to it. While that old wheelchair felt like it was something temporary, the new one was made for him. To fit his body perfectly, since it would be used by Jensen all the goddamn fucking time. Jensen could feel the difference when he sat on it for the first time, helped by one of the nurses. It was a much lighter thing, all black, with a rigid frame that didn’t fold, no armrests and a footplate that left his legs neatly tucked in instead of sticking out like the other one with the clunky footrests. It also had a very low backrest and no push handles sticking out of it, instead it had just a bar parallel to the backrest, making it more discreet. Jensen could tell it was much lighter than the previous one and way easier to maneuver, also easier to get in and out of it. He could see it was indeed a good wheelchair, but he hated it at first sight. With every fiber of his being. He hated what that damn chair represented, hated that he was bound to it, how he depended on it for every damn thing. He sunk further in the black hole when he got his permanent wheelchair.At the center he began learning how to adapt to his new life. He learned how to care for his body, how to empty his bladder so he wouldn’t have to use the catheter all the time - he still uses it at night - how to take a shit. He hates this part so much there aren’t words to describe. He also learns how to do transfers, since apparently he will do those many times a day from now on. At first he uses a transfer board and someone helps him out so he can go from the bed to the chair and so on, then with time he uses only the board, and then he starts attempting the transfers by himself. It looks easier said than done, he needs to put a lot of strength in his arms and swing his unmoving body left and right. It also sucks having to go through such an ordeal just to go from one place to the other.Jensen also doesn't like looking at himself in the mirror. He can't stand the idea of seeing himself sitting in a wheelchair and remembering what he used to be. He also has some scars now, and it makes things even worse. He has scars from the accident itself and the surgeries he had. Only once Jensen gathered enough courage to try and take a look at his back in the mirror, and he regretted it almost instantly. There's a long, thin red scar going down the center of his back, and he was told it's from the spinal surgery he had. There are also many other thin scars scattered over his back, from when he flew through the windshield and landed on a bunch of broken glass. All those scars make Jensen feel even uglier than he already does. Jensen also had asked a nurse to shave his head back in the hospital since he couldn’t take a proper shower and his hair was incredibly gross. So he’s almost bald, his hair having grown just a tad, making Jensen feel even more like a stranger to himself.As a couple of months pass by since the accident, Jensen starts to regain a bit more function. Not much though. He can feel some more parts of his lower body, but it’s all screwed up. One day during a physical therapy session, his legs start jiggling. Jensen definitely isn’t doing it, he just watches in horror as his legs jiggle uncontrollably and then he feels a jolt of pain shooting through both of them, something he has never felt before, as if his legs are on fire. He feels scared, and the therapist patiently explains to him about leg spasms. Since he has an incomplete injury, it’s common for him to experience spasms and nerve pain, since his nerves are miscommunicating with the injured area and sending wrong commands to his legs. The doctor prescribes Jensen Baclofen so the spasms can subdue and Neurontin for the nerve pain, but those often leave Jensen feeling drowsy and sleepy. He doesn’t mind though, the more he can detach himself from reality the better.Jensen also regains some other small functions, like the ability to tell when he needs to go to the bathroom since he can feel a bit of pressure on his bladder and also bowel, but he still can’t control it. He has also recovered some sensation on his dick, he can feel it when he touches it, but getting it up is a whole other ordeal. Jensen doesn’t even know if this will happen again, and every time he thinks about it, he gets more depressed.He spends his time at the clinic learning everything he’s supposed to learn but yet, it’s like he’s not really there. He’s living in a parallel reality and it feels like he’s watching it happening to someone else. It hasn’t really sunk in what happened to him since Jensen has blocked everything out and built a strong wall around him the moment he learned about his paraplegia. He feels the black hole around him stronger than ever, he does have therapy sessions but doesn’t cooperate in them much. Jensen only does what he’s supposed to do but he doesn’t feel like he’s really there.Jensen gets visits from his mother mostly, also his brother comes by often. His father comes sometimes, and again Jensen wishes he wouldn’t come. He can’t disguise how disappointed he is at seeing his son in a wheelchair. Chris and Steve also come by often and try to take Jensen’s mind off things. He interacts with his friends and can even feel a spark of something when they visit, at least they care about Jensen. Josh and his fiancee offer again for him to go live with them once he’s discharged, and again Jensen refuses. He would never burden them like this; he doesn't want to burden anyone. If it was up to him he wouldn’t even go to his parents’ house. He would just disappear after leaving the center, but sadly Jensen doesn’t think he will be this lucky.There are many other patients at the center also doing rehab, and even though Jensen talks to some of them here and there, he doesn’t really feel like getting too close to anyone. He’s told by his therapist that it would be good for him to interact with other people in similar conditions as him, but Jensen just can’t. Doing that would make it more real, so he keeps it to himself. He’s also told more than once by some people that he should consider himself lucky, that it could be much worse. He sees quadriplegic patients who had much higher injuries than himself, who have very limited or no arms function at all, who need help for absolutely everything. He even meets a dude who uses a straw placed in front of his face to push the wheelchair, he does it by puffing into it since he can’t move a single finger, and also has a tube sticking out of his neck because he can’t breathe on his own due to his very high injury. This particular dude tells Jensen that he would give anything to be in his place, and it hits Jensen in a weird way.Jensen gets it, he does. He has a very low injury, almost at the end of his spine. He has good trunk control and full function in his arms. The rational part of him knows he can be pretty much totally independent with time; he can feed himself, change his clothes, wheel around left and right, take care of his needs, make his transfers all by himself and so on. But he doesn’t feel lucky. And even worse, he feels like he can’t properly mourn for his own condition, because others have it worse than him. He feels even more trapped because in a way, he is “privileged” even if he feels far from it.Jensen feels like his insides are constantly screaming into the void, as he’s constantly falling and falling without anyone to catch him. He feels detached from the world, from the reality and from everyone around him. Even though Jensen knows he has people that care about him, he simply can’t connect with anyone. He feels adrift in a huge sea, without any land in sight. And he wonders if he will ever feel like this, if he can ever be rescued from the dark, endless sea he’s in right now.
Jared
Twelve months. Jared can’t believe he has made it. He had a goal, and now it’s time to go home. It’s been a whole year since he has arrived in Paris, and he’s proud of himself and his experience. Jared studied one year of physical therapy which is something he learned how to love, and also learned how to speak French really well. He was part of the basketball team and helped them win some important games. He made good friends and even met some nice guys here and there, but nothing that really made Jared want to stay.Jared feels ready to go back to Austin. He loves living abroad but he loves his home even more. He misses his friends, his team, the food, even his parents. He finally books the flight and packs everything, he has checked with UT Austin and he can carry on with his degree back home. Jared is anxious to return after being away for so long.As he boards the plane and takes his seat, he watches as Paris falls behind. Jared wonders how much things have changed. He hasn’t had much contact with people in the university lately apart from his closest friends. He hasn’t even talked to his teammates much since he was so busy with his life in France.Suddenly Jared thinks about Jensen. He hasn’t thought much about the dude in the past year. Okay, that’s a lie. Jared sometimes thinks about Jensen, but only since the guy was such a pain in the ass. He tries not to think much though. He went out with many dudes to make sure he wouldn’t think too much about things he shouldn’t. Jared remembers the last time he saw Jensen, how the guy said a lot can change in one year before walking away. Jared knows a lot has changed for him, while other things have stayed the same.Jared still stares outside at the clouds passing by, wondering - against his will - if things also changed for Jensen in this past year and how is he doing. Not that he cares, he doesn’t. Jared just wants to know if they will go back to playing together in the team, that’s all.Other than that, he doesn’t care about Jensen. At all. Jared only wonders how it will be when he arrives back in Austin.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Jared enters his new apartment and lets out a breath. This will be his new address from now on, and he hopes he can make this place a home. He was lucky enough that Chad was able to find this place for him while Jared was in Paris, so that he wouldn’t have to move back in with his parents while he searched for a place to stay, especially since they’re back in San Antonio. During the past year Chad had moved out of the dorms to share a place with his new girlfriend Sophia, and Jared also couldn’t get a dorm anymore since he gave up on his spot. He had asked his friend if he could ask around, and got word on a two bedroom small apartment near campus that was for rent, and the price was good.Jared really likes the place. It’s not big but it’s perfect for him. Both bedrooms have queen sized beds, there’s one bathroom in the hallway, a living room - slash - kitchen with a small dining table and even a tiny balcony. Jared thinks that he could get a roommate in the future so he can split costs, but he will worry about that later. He spends some time unpacking everything and also goes grocery shopping, even though he has some leftovers that his mom sent him. Jared had spent his first night back at his parents’ house since they picked him up, and Jared had left his car at their house so he needed to get it back. His mom had fed him almost a Thanksgiving dinner as a way to welcome him back to the States, and luckily he had some food to last him for a few days.The next day Jared goes to campus to get everything set for his return, he is anxious to carry on with his classes. He’s going to try and score an internship right away, he can’t wait to start working and hopefully make some much needed bucks.What Jared is most anxious about though, is returning to basketball. He had messaged coach Jeff informing the man of his return, and Jeff told Jared to come for practice, since the position was still his. He tries to lie to himself that he’s not anxious to see Jensen again.He goes out with Chad for some drinks and to catch up, but they don’t mention the basketball team and Jared doesn’t even dare to ask his friend about it, especially how Jensen is doing, since Chad barely knew the guy anyway and it would be suspicious to ask. So Jared has to wait a couple of days until the first practice.When it’s finally time to go back, Jared feels anxious. It’s good to be back home and play for his own team again. He packs his stuff and heads to class. He can barely pay attention to them and pretty much runs out of the classroom when the last class is over. He goes to the court and smiles to himself as he enters it for the first time after so long. He can almost hear the crowd shouting J-SQUARED! over and over again.He goes to the locker room and finds some of his old teammates there and also new ones. He greets those he knows and introduces himself to the ones he doesn’t. Jared changes his clothes for the practice and keeps looking around to see if he spots Jensen somewhere. Not that Jared is looking for him, he’s just curious, that’s all.Jared leaves the locker room and starts shooting some hoops as he waits for everyone to arrive, all the time looking at the entrance of the court to see who’s coming in. Just curious. Soon Jeff arrives and greets Jared warmly, welcoming him back to the team. He asks everyone to gather around and introduces Jared to the new players.“This is Jared Padalecki, for those who don’t know him. He used to be one of our most important players. We haven’t made such good games lately but I’m sure things will be different now that Jared is here.”Everyone cheers but Jared has the distinct feeling that something isn’t quite right. He still doesn’t know how to ask, and Jeff addresses him with an odd expression.“Jared, you can go back to your old power forward position if you wish. I know it was always our favorite position.”Jared can’t hold it inside anymore, something is missing and it’s pretty obvious, he needs to ask.“Thanks coach, that’s great but… if you don’t mind me asking, where’s Ackles? I thought he was the gold star power forward in this team.”Jeff makes a face that Jared can’t interpret. “Ackles left the team a few months ago. Not sure what happened, though. I wish I did, Ackles was our best player after you left and he quit the team without so much as a word of explanation.”Jared can see how Jeff is mad about this, and he feels confused. One of his old teammates speaks. “It was weird actually. Jensen really left without saying anything. All we heard was that he was involved in some kind of accident, and then word got around that he moved to another town. None of us has seen Jensen ever since.”Jared frowns at that, and he feels uneasy all of a sudden. Jensen had an accident and moved away? That’s so weird. Nobody says anything else though, and Jeff sends everyone to play a warm up match. Jared tries to focus on it, but he can’t push down the disappointment completely knowing that Jensen isn’t at the uni anymore. And isn’t that fucked up? Jared should be over the moon with the news that he will be the sole star of the team again. But when they start playing and Jared dribbles the ball and instinctively throws it to his right without even looking, and the thing just bounces away without anyone catching it and dunking it, deep down it just feels wrong, like something is missing.As Jared arrives back home, he opens Instagram on his phone and does something he has never done before: he searches for Jensen’s profile. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t done it while he was in Paris, maybe due to the clashing feelings inside of him. But he does it now, and he finds the right page. The profile picture is Jensen on the court in the middle of a basketball game. Jared can see he has some followers and is following some people, but there aren’t any posts in his account. Jared wonders if he has created his account but never got around to post anything. So much for trying to find out something about Jensen.Jared tries to make himself forget about the damn guy, he moved away and that’s it, Jared’s life will go on as it has always been, there’s no reason for him to worry about Jensen like this, he didn’t even like the guy, he was an arrogant, cocky asshole. Jared also wonders if he will ever see Jensen again, and can’t even explain to himself why he is thinking that.*A few days after getting back to his classes, Jared talks to one of his professors who tells him there’s an internship spot open at a rehab clinic close to the campus, and he should apply for it. Jared isn’t particularly excited with the idea, he doesn’t plan on working with rehabilitation patients. His focus is to work with athletes, but he also knows he must do at least a small internship in rehab, plus he can’t say no to an internship opportunity.So Jared applies for the job and goes to the interview. The rehab clinic is pretty great, very modern and well equipped, there’s even a large pool for water therapy. The guy who interviews him, Sterling Brown, is a very nice dude and shows him around the facility, where Jared can see some patients working with the physical therapists. The clinic is for outpatients who are on a rehab program, meaning they don’t stay at the clinic but come in regularly for the sessions. Despite not being Jared’s primary field of choice, he ends up feeling excited about it, and a few days after the interview he’s hired to work as an intern. He begins by assisting the professionals, watching closely as they work, and starts doing some exercises on his own with some patients under supervision. All in all, it’s a good start to his career. Jared isn’t even sure he’s going to actually pursue a career in physical therapy since he wants to play basketball, but it’s always nice to gather knowledge and this is a field he really does like.
Jensen
It’s been a little over two months since Jensen has left the rehab center and moved in with his parents, and every damn day he wishes he would just go to bed and never wake up again. He could never imagine his life would become so fucked up, and at the age of twenty-two he wouldn’t have simply anything to look forward to anymore. Being paraplegic sucks so much that Jensen can’t even find words. Everything is a fucking hassle, even getting out of bed in the morning. He feels as if he’s just doing everything to survive day by day, he’s not living anymore. Jensen goes through the motions, does everything he has to do to keep his body going - to some extent - and that’s how his days are now.Jensen’s mother hired a nurse to visit Jensen everyday and help with the heavy stuff since Jensen is still pretty new at all of this even after spending a while at the rehab center. She also does some exercises with him to keep his legs from atrophying, since Jensen refuses to go to a rehab clinic. He knows he should go. He knows it. His doctor told him that, the physical therapists at the center told him that, his brother always tells him that. He needs to carry on with his rehab program in order to help his body recover as much as possible and not have further problems. Yes, Jensen knows all of this but he can’t bring himself to actually go. He doesn’t feel like doing anything, doesn’t see any point in it.Truth is, Jensen just lost his will to live. He can’t see any future for himself in a wheelchair. He can’t do what he loved the most in his life, play basketball. He loved it since he was a little kid, the thing he wanted for his future. He didn’t have a back up plan, he knew he was going to become an important player. Nobody could jump higher and dunk as good as he. And now, Jensen will never get to do it again. It’s almost unbearable to look ahead and think that he will never play a match anymore. He even misses his bickering with Jared, they used to play so perfectly together. He misses every single thing, he misses his ordinary life that turned upside down.That’s why Jensen doesn’t have the willpower to do anything anymore. He does the basics to keep himself alive more on autopilot than anything else. He doesn’t know how much longer he will have the strength though. Josh keeps pestering Jensen to start going to therapy, he can obviously see how Jensen’s mental health is deteriorating, but Jensen just can’t. Josh is also trying for Jensen to go to rehab, but that has fallen on deaf ears for now as well.Jensen hasn’t left the house ever since he came back. Actually he has only left for a couple of doctor’s appointments and that’s it. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like this, he shudders just imagining anyone seeing him in a wheelchair. He doesn’t even like to spend too much time in it, he hates the chair almost more than he hates himself. He spends most of his time on his bed drawing on an iPad he ordered not too long after coming home. It’s what helps take his mind off things for a bit, he gets lost in his drawings. He mostly draws dark stuff, putting on screen how he feels inside, like storms and broken houses. He also draws basketball sometimes, himself and his teammates playing, he draws himself jumping high in the air holding the ball, and even though it hurts so much Jensen likes drawing those. It’s the only way to revisit what was taken away from him forever.Things are also bad with Jensen’s father. Living in the same house as Alan is a big challenge, and Jensen avoids his father as much as possible. Jensen just knows his father is far from pleased with the situation, and doesn’t try too hard to hide it from Jensen. They obviously had to adapt the house for Jensen, he had to be accommodated in the downstairs guest bedroom, and the bathroom across the hall had to be renovated and enlarged to include a shower stall - since it didn’t have one - with a stool in it, a new sink with no cabinet under it so Jensen could fit his wheelchair, a higher toilet and bars on the walls. The door also had to be widened since it was too narrow for Jensen to wheel through it. They also had to add a small ramp in front of the house and another leading to the backyard, since there are steps at both entrances. No lift was added for Jensen to go upstairs since apparently he doesn’t need to access that part of the house, and Jensen didn’t even complain since it’s only bedrooms anyway, but still. His father has complained more than once about having to make changes to the house, not to Jensen himself but to Donna, but he made it so that Jensen would hear it. Alan often complains as well about the stains Jensen’s wheels leave on the hardwood floor everytime he goes out to the backyard and comes back. It’s not something Jensen can help, he needs to put his wheels on the floor to get around, but it’s a source of annoyance to his father. Jensen is always trying to pay attention and making sure he cleans the floor after himself, even if they have a maid to do that.Jensen doesn’t feel welcome in his own house. He feels like a hassle, a burden, like his father only has him staying here because there are no other options. Jensen fails to understand why his father hates him so much. And now more than ever, after becoming paralyzed. Alan also doesn’t hide the fact that this is all Jensen’s own fault. Jensen knows it too. Alan may hate him, but that feeling will never come close to how much Jensen hates himself. It’s a sentiment that burns deep inside him, tormenting him day in and day out. Jensen feels desperate to blame someone else for his fucked up life, but there’s nobody. It’s his own fault. He took the risk when he decided to get drunk and get behind the wheel. Then go to a race and not even bother with a seatbelt. Jensen’s disability is his own damn fault, and it hurts more than anything. If only he could blame someone else. A lot of what ifs go around inside Jensen’s mind, how this clusterfuck wouldn’t be happening if he had just done something different, out of many things. This feeling will haunt Jensen forever, that’s for sure.At least there wasn’t anyone else involved in the accident, a fact that Alan also likes to remind Jensen of. It would be even worse if Jensen had harmed someone else, someone who had done nothing wrong. At least there’s that, Jensen would never forgive himself and he would also be charged with much more serious accusations. At least it’s only Jensen himself paying the price for his colossal mistake and stupidity.Jensen still doesn’t know what he will do with his life, and he truly doesn’t care. Alan has hinted that he doesn’t want Jensen working for him anymore, he probably feels ashamed of having a crippled son and doesn’t want people in his office seeing Jensen in a wheelchair. Not that Jensen would go if Alan wanted him to. Jensen doesn’t even know if he can still do anything, he feels pretty useless right now. Even more as he spends all day long inside the house, not that he can help it. His future is a big blank, or a huge dark hole where Jensen can’t see anything.Josh comes to visit Jensen as he usually does, he often comes by for a while after work and brings Jensen to the backyard so they can catch some fresh air and get Jensen out of his room for a while. Jensen doesn’t share with Josh how his father treats him, he doesn’t want to burden his brother with it. He doesn’t even know if Josh would be on his side. His mother hears some of the things Alan says and she doesn’t say anything, she’s just a pushover who follows Alan around like a puppy and spends time with her socialite friends. So Jensen doesn’t see the point in sharing things with his brother as well.Josh has a serious conversation with Jensen as they have sandwiches the cook prepared for them.“Bro, you need to start going to rehab again.” Jensen opens his mouth to argue, but Josh holds up a hand. “I know you’ll say you won’t go. But Jensen, come on. You have barely left this house ever since you came back from the center. You need to get physical therapy to help your recovery.”“I won’t recover more than this, Josh. And the nurse does the exercises with me, I don’t need more than that. I’m good.”“No you’re not, Jensen. You’re far from good. And I get it, I do.”Jensen shakes his head. “No you don’t get it. You can’t possibly understand how I feel.”Josh nods, looking down. “I know I can’t, I’m sorry. I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through. I’m just asking you, bro. Rehabilitation is very important for you. It can help your body a lot. The exercises the nurse does with you aren’t just enough. A clinic is much better equipped and they have good treatments there. You never know how much function you can get back, but that won’t happen if you stay locked inside with a nurse bending and stretching your legs for ten minutes each day. I’ve been doing research. Going to a rehab clinic regularly is the best way to help your body get in good shape.”Jensen snorts. “You’re kidding me, right? I broke my back Josh, I’m paralyzed. I can’t move half of myself. I have weird spasms on my legs that are the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. They also hurt in a way I can’t even understand properly. So no, I can’t get my body into good shape.”“You know what I mean, Jensen. As a paraplegic you need to constantly pay attention to your body and get exercises to help it. I know it must suck, but it’s the way it is. Please bro. I’m asking you. I don’t want to see you wasting away in this house. Please go to the rehab clinic so they can help you there. I’ll drive you there myself for the first session. If you can’t do it for you, please do it for me. That's all I’m asking. I can’t see you like this anymore without doing anything.”Jensen lets out a breath. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
Jared
Jared has been working at the clinic for a little over two weeks and he actually likes it a lot. Even if it’s not his favorite field, he does enjoy helping people with different conditions to recover, to regain function, build up strength, and all of that. It can be very rewarding to help someone to get a better quality of life, physical therapy is a very beautiful profession. Jared has learned he’s actually good at it, and patients like him. The therapists he works with even let him take care of some patients by himself, and Jared only goes to them for the more challenging stuff, things he’s not qualified for yet. He has been learning a lot at the clinic though, he pays close attention to everything so he can be the best professional to his patients while he’s here. Jared still wants to work with athletes in the near future, but for now he’s content with his job at rehabilitation.Gil, the physical therapist that has been working with Jared on a patient, asks him to carry on with the session since he has a new patient coming over soon and Jared already knows the exercises that need to be done with this particular patient who had a stroke and lost movement in one side of his body.“Is it a new patient at the clinic? Or a new patient assigned for you?” Jared asks as he does some motion range exercises with his patient.“New patient,” Gil answers. “From his file, he had a SCI recently and got out of rehab a little over two months ago. He’s coming so he can continue his rehab here. He should have started outpatient rehab right away but for some reason he’s only coming now. Let’s see what’s up with this one.”Jared nods and Gil leaves. It doesn’t even register much to Jared the information Gil just shared with him since he’s focused on his own patient. They exchange small talk as they work, Jared likes to talk to his patients and put them more at ease, so they can feel better about going through a tough rehab session. Jared isn’t paying much attention to his surroundings so he startles when he hears Gil’s voice approaching him again after a few minutes, mentioning a familiar name.“This way, Jensen. We do most of our sessions in this large room, where we have all the equipment to help with your rehabilitation.”Jared’s head turns so fast he almost gives himself a whiplash. When he sees the man next to Gil, sitting in a wheelchair a few feet away from him, his jaw drops almost to the floor.“Jensen??”Jensen mirrors Jared’s shocked expression. He looks at Jared with an open mouth and widened eyes, as if he’s seeing a ghost. “Ja-jared??”Jared forces his mouth to close and swallows hard. He can’t help giving Jensen a once over, registering how the guy is obviously sitting in a wheelchair, his legs completely immobile and tucked in, neatly resting on the footplate, his hands tightly gripping his wheels. What in the nine circles of hell is happening? Jared blinks a few times to make sure he’s not hallucinating. Jensen Ackles is in a wheelchair?“What the fuck?” He can’t help the words that come out of his mouth, and when he realizes what he just said, he shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I–”“What are you doing here?” Jensen asks, his hands gripping his wheels even tighter, and Jared can see how his face is turning pink. His shoulders drop and he looks to his sides, Jared notices how Jensen is feeling extremely embarrassed right now with Jared seeing him like this, especially with the once-over he just gave Jensen.Jared tries hard to compose himself and recover from the huge shock of seeing Jensen in this unexpected situation. “I… well, I am an intern here. I’m getting a degree in physical therapy, I started working here a few weeks ago, after returning from Paris.”“Oh,” Jensen says, obviously seeing Jared here was the last thing he expected and probably wanted. Jared watches as Jensen looks down at himself, and purses his lips. He feels at a loss of what to say, and Gil speaks up.“Is everything okay here? You guys know each other, I assume?”Jared clears his throat. “Yes, Jensen and I met in college. We hm. We were on the basketball team together before I moved to Paris last year.”Jared notices how Jensen flinches slightly at the mention of the basketball team, and he feels like an asshole for bringing that up. It’s pretty obvious now why Jensen isn’t on the team anymore, and Jared clearly hit a nerve.“Hmm, okay then,” Gil says, then turns to Jensen. “Can we go over there and start our session Jensen? Are you alright to start?”Jared can see how Jensen is torn after the shock of meeting Jared. He’s pretty shaken up himself, but the professional side of him takes over so he tries to encourage Jensen. “Go with Gil Jensen, please. He’s a great professional and can help you a lot with the equipment we have here. I’ll just stay here and go back to the session with my own patient.”Jared tries to show Jensen he won’t be part of their session since it would be even more awkward to Jensen, and the guy finally nods. “Yes okay,” he answers Gil in a small voice. “Let’s start.”Gil points the way and Jensen spins his chair around, wheeling away with Gil, and Jared can’t stop watching him. He wonders what the actual fuck happened to Jensen. He’s using a wheelchair clearly made for him, a chair for everyday use. So it’s probably not something temporary. He tries to finish the session with his patient but can’t take Jensen off his mind. He keeps sneaking glances at where Gil is working with Jensen, who is lying on a mat table and Gil is doing exercises on his legs, and again Jared notices how they’re completely immobile. Jensen has his eyes fixed on the opposite side of the room, as if he deliberately doesn’t want to look at Jared.Then Jared finally remembers Gil’s words from before Jensen arrived. He mentioned a patient with a SCI that had gotten out of rehab a few months prior. Did Jensen suffer a SCI? How?As the session with his patient is over, Jared goes over to one of the computers and searches for Jensen’s name among the patient’s files. He finally finds what he’s looking for and reads the information.
Jensen Ross Ackles
Jared scrolls down his personal information and goes to what really matters.
Patient sustained an incomplete Spinal Cord Injury to T11 and T12 due to impact trauma.
There’s the date that Jensen had the injury as well, and it’s about four and a half months ago. Jared slowly brings a hand to his gaping mouth.Holy. Fucking. Shit.Jared again watches as Gil and Jensen have their session, and even from a distance Jared can see the complete closed off expression on Jensen’s face. He can’t believe this is happening. The Jensen Ackles, the guy who used to give him the hardest time, who jumped higher than anyone that Jared has ever seen, who had the best track record at dunking balls, who beat the shit out of Jared at keg stands, who fucked him senseless once, has become paraplegic.This has got to be the biggest plot twist Jared has ever experienced in his life, and he’s not sure how to deal with this new shocking information.
Jensen
Jensen just counts the minutes for the session to be over so he can go home. He can't believe what just happened. The universe must really hate him. When he finally accepts that Josh brings him to a rehab clinic, it's just his luck that Jared Fucking Padalecki of all people works in it. And now he knows what a pitiful thing Jensen has become. Jensen hates it that Jared has to see him like that, he could see the shocked look on Jared’s face when he saw Jensen and what he was sitting in. He hates the effect he has on people now, how shocked and even uncomfortable they are when they look at Jensen. It’s why he didn’t want anyone to know what happened. He wonders if Jared is going to tell the rest of the team now about the real reason Jensen quit it, and feels ready to puke just imagining it.As the session ends, Jensen gets back in his chair and starts making his way to the exit. But of course Jared is in his path, sitting on a rolling chair as he works on another patient, and gives him a stare as Jensen approaches, stopping what he’s doing. He lets out a sigh, knowing he can’t just get out of this one and ignore Jared. So he sucks it up and stops close to Jared, who clears his throat.“Hey, Jensen.”“Hey Jared. Didn’t know you had returned from Paris,” he says in a small voice.Jared shrugs. “Yeah, I arrived a few weeks ago.” Jared makes a pause and Jensen can see he’s feeling awkward. “I didn’t know that… well…”He trails off making a motion with his hands towards Jensen’s chair, and it’s pretty obvious what he means. Jensen swallows hard and grips his wheels tighter.“I don’t want to talk about it. Please. I just can’t.”Jared nods immediately. “Sure, Jensen. Of course. As you wish.”Jensen lowers his head for a moment and purses his lips, then looks at Jared again. His cheeks feel warm.“Look Jared… can I just ask you please not to tell anyone about this? I don’t want the guys from the team to know what happened, or anyone else for that matter.”Jared studies Jensen for a moment and then lets out a chuckle. “I guess some things don’t change, huh? We’re still asking each other not to tell things about ourselves to other people.”Jensen nods and gives Jared a long shrug. “Yeah, I guess.”Jared nods back. “Don’t worry Jensen, I won’t tell anyone about your injury. Your secret is safe with me. ”Jensen lets out a breath. “Thank you, Jared. I’ll get going then.”Jensen starts wheeling away but Jared calls out to him. “Hey Jensen?”Jensen spins his chair around so he can look at Jared again. “What?”“You’re coming back, right? To the sessions, I mean. I know it was a shock to you seeing me here and I’m assuming that you didn’t want me to know about it as well. I get it that it’s awkward but it’s very important that you come back to continue your rehab program. You can pretend I’m not even here if it makes you less uncomfortable, all it matters is that you don’t stop doing rehab.”Jensen bites the inside of his cheek as he thinks about it, Jared already knows anyway and it’s not like he could unsee him. “Yeah, sure. I’ll come back. I won’t hear the end of it from my brother if I don’t come.”Jared nods. “Okay, good. See you around, then.”Jensen nods back. “See ya.”
Jared
Jared finishes his day of work and goes back to his apartment, without being able to take the image of Jensen out of his mind. It’s still completely surreal to Jared that in the year that he spent away, Jensen had some kind of accident and lost the ability to walk. He thinks back to Jensen’s last words to him before he went to Paris, about how a lot can change in a year. It’s almost like Jensen was predicting something would drastically change.Jared wonders not for the first time what happened. Many things can cause a spinal cord injury, and Jensen’s report said trauma so some options can be ruled out. It’s very likely that Jensen had an accident of some sorts. And Jared doesn’t think he will ever really find out, Jensen seemed completely closed off and obviously doesn’t wish to share his tale. Jared thinks back to Jensen’s expression at the clinic. He could see in Jensen’s face and posture how much he’s suffering because of his injury. And Jared gets it, it can’t be remotely easy to have your life drastically change in a second, to lose something so basic such as the ability to walk. Being stuck in a wheelchair at twenty something years old must be an endless nightmare, so Jared doesn’t blame Jensen for his behavior. Especially since it happened such a short time ago, a little over four months.Jared wonders when it happened exactly, what he was doing at the time. He thinks about his time in Paris, how he was having a good time there, hanging out with friends, meeting people, studying, and at the same time at some point Jensen was having his life turned upside down. Jared also imagines that Jensen isn’t dealing well with his paraplegia. He remembers Gil mentioning how his patient had gotten out of the rehab center about two months ago and was only now coming to the clinic when he should have started his outpatient treatment right away. He also heard when Jensen said he would come back otherwise his brother would give him an earful. Jared imagines Jensen must be in denial and doesn’t really want to keep going with his treatment, he only came probably because his brother insisted. And of course, there’s the fact that Jensen pleaded with Jared not to tell anyone about what happened. He’s probably not only in denial, but also feeling ashamed of himself, Jared assumes.Jared truly hopes Jensen stays true to his word and carries on with his rehabilitation program. He has an incomplete injury, so he could even regain some function with heavy treatment. But even if he doesn’t, it’s vital for a patient with SCI to do rehab especially in the beginning. Jared won’t lie though, he does want to see Jensen again. He hopes Jensen comes back not only because it’s the best for him, but a small part of Jared is even anxious to see him. He will do as he promised Jensen and not bother him while he’s at the clinic, if it will make Jensen more comfortable. But he can look from afar, right?After classes the next day, Jared goes to basketball practice and it feels all kinds of wrong. He feels weird that he’s the only one who knows what truly happened to Jensen, the real reason he quit the team. He could tell Jeff was mad at Jensen for bolting like that without saying anything, and it’s unfair of him to think that when in reality Jensen is in a wheelchair as they speak and it’s not his fault he can’t play. Jared truly wishes he could tell the truth to change Jeff’s mind about Jensen, but he won’t. Jensen asked him not to, and Jared would never betray him like this. He will suck it up and keep the secret to himself.But he can’t help feeling weird as they play. He again keeps thinking about Jensen, how it’s not a matter of him not wanting to be here anymore, but that he simply can’t. When they played together, Jared could tell how much Jensen loved basketball. He probably loved it just as much as Jared does. And if that’s the case, Jared can only imagine how devastating it must be for Jensen to know he will never be able to play like he used to. Jared can’t put into words how he would feel if he could never play again.When Jared left for Paris he didn’t know if he would ever play with Jensen again, and didn’t actually give it too much thought. He assumed the future was for granted, and there would always be a possibility for this to happen. But knowing now that this possibility is gone forever, rubs him the wrong way. The J-Squared that everyone loved, that played perfectly together, is now just a thing in the past. And it’s suddenly a tough pill to swallow for Jared.*During the next few weeks, Jared sees Jensen at the rehab center regularly. They haven’t talked anymore after that first day, and Jensen deliberately keeps to himself. Jared has noticed how the guy simply arrives, does his session with Gil and leaves, barely saying a word. Jared has paid extra attention, and Jensen truly doesn’t talk to anyone apart from a quick hello or farewell. Jared has seen Jensen leaving a couple of times with an older dude wearing a suit, and Jared assumes it’s maybe the family’s driver who takes Jensen to rehab each time. Jensen is really closed off and doesn’t even spare Jared a glance. It’s like he took Jared’s advice and pretends he doesn’t exist. Jared can’t tell if Jensen is embarrassed or if he truly can’t stand Jared. Well, Jared has never been crazy about Jensen either. It’s just there’s something about that dude. He brings up many different emotions in Jared, he makes Jared go crazy and want to punch his face, and yet he’s constantly there in the back of Jared’s mind, it’s a confused feeling that Jared can’t figure out. And he can’t help but stare at Jensen when he’s at the center, he tries to sneak some glances as he’s working with Gil. It’s fucked up, yes. But goddamn if Ackles doesn’t fuck up Jared’s mind. Damn him.And of course, things take an interesting turn a few days later. Jared arrives at the clinic and when the receptionist hands Jared his list of patients for the day, he frowns.“I think you gave me the wrong list,” he hands it back to her since one patient on the list is definitely not his.The girl shakes her head. “Nope. Gil had a family emergency and had to fly back home. He doesn’t know when he will be back. We had to share his patients between the other therapists and these are the ones you got.”Jared reads the list again, hoping it changed somehow, but no, Jensen Ackles is there listed as his last patient for the day. Jared almost, almost asks if he can switch and hand Jensen to someone else, but he doesn’t want to sound unprofessional. He’s an intern after all, and he wants to make a good impression. He has been getting praise for his good work and professionalism, and he won’t create problems by asking not to attend to a patient. So he’s gonna have to suck it up and do the session with Jensen today.Oh, Jensen is going to love this.
Jensen
The driver takes Jensen to another rehab session, and as usual Jensen is nervous. He doesn’t know why he still feels this way, it has been a couple of weeks since he started going to rehab. He always feels nervous before a session. Maybe due to the fact that Jared is always there. Even if he does him the courtesy of not talking to Jensen as he promised he would. It’s not that Jensen doesn’t want to talk to Jared. He wouldn’t mind, really. But he can’t explain the feeling, there are too many things going on inside of him. Mostly he’s ashamed of himself and hates that Jared knows about his injury, that he has to see Jensen like this after knowing the other version of Jensen.Jared probably pities him, like everyone else does. Jensen knows they do, on different levels. Even if it’s an unconscious thing. Jensen can see the eyes of everyone who looks at him. He knows his mother, brother, Chris and Steve all mean well. But they can’t help it, they just look and treat Jensen differently now. As if he’s so fragile, as if he’s about to break at any second. He hates this feeling. Almost as much as he hates the way his father treats him, as if he’s useless, as if everything he does is wrong. Truth is, Jensen doesn’t feel like he belongs anywhere anymore. He feels there’s a monster the size of the world inside of him, twisting and eating his insides, screaming into the void that has become his pitiful life.It’s like Jensen is screaming on the inside but nobody hears him. Sometimes he feels his body trying to react, trying to lash out, to vent somehow, but his own system prevents it. Jensen hasn’t shed a single tear since he has learned about his condition. It’s like he can’t bring himself to do it, like nobody would be able to catch him if he really let himself go. So Jensen simply… exists. He goes through the motions like he has to. Does everything he’s supposed to. He pretends he’s fine, he’s adjusting. But nobody can truly see inside of him, how his soul has been shattered. Nobody would understand and Jensen feels constantly at loss of what to do. It’s like Jensen is trapped inside a cage and he just can’t find the key to open it. That’s how he feels.Jensen arrives at the clinic and goes through the motions. He wheels inside and gives the receptionist a quick hello, changes into his gym clothes in the locker room then goes to the big gym area where he has his sessions and looks for Gil, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Instead, none other than Jared approaches him, looking nervous.“Hey Jensen.”Jensen looks up and frowns at him. “Jared, hi. What’s up?” Jensen truly hates having to look up to talk to people, especially Jared who’s so damn tall.Jared purses his lips. “Look, there’s an issue. Gil had to fly home due to a family emergency, and they put me in charge of your rehab while he’s gone.”Jensen’s eyes widen as he takes in this information. Isn’t that the best news ever? “Oh great,” he murmurs, looking to his side.Jared then crouches down in front of him, giving him an earnest look. “Look Jensen, I get that it’s weird, you and I have a rocky past. But I stand by what I said the first time you came over. The important thing is for you to do your rehab sessions. You can pretend you don’t even know me if it makes you feel better, it’s okay with me. You don’t need to talk to me. I promise I’m a professional Jensen, all I want is the well-being of my patients. And I assure you that even though I’m just an intern, I know what I’m doing. I’m even half decent at it, I swear.”Jared is looking at him with some puppy dog eyes that Jensen has never seen before, and the tone of his words actually help put Jensen a tad more at ease. He even scoffs at Jared’s last words. “If you’re as good at this as you are at being a power forward, I think I’ll have to find another clinic.”Jared’s eyebrows draw up and he looks very hurt at Jensen’s words for a second, like a puppy kicked to the curb, before he realizes Jensen just did a pitiful attempt at a joke and he smirks.“Are you by any chance saying that you’ll have the sessions with me?”Jensen shrugs. “I guess I can think of worse things. But if you suck I’m gonna write a bad review on Google and they will kick you out.”Jared chuckles and gets back up. “It’s a deal then. Shall we start?”Jensen nods and follows Jared. He takes Jensen to the big mat table so they can do the exercises. Jensen transfers to it and he already feels nervous about Jared touching him, especially his legs. Jared apparently can sense his nervousness and tries to put him at ease.“We’re just gonna do some basic exercises for now, okay? So we can get more comfortable with each other. I’ll just stretch your body and do the motion range exercises with your legs, okay?”Jensen nods and lies down, and Jared starts doing his job. He starts stretching Jensen’s right leg, and then the left. As Jared pulls Jensen’s left leg up though, it starts spasming and Jensen feels his cheeks warming up.“Sorry… sorry about that.”Jared frowns and lowers Jensen’s leg. He notices how Jared keeps his hold on it, and he wonders if it’s so that it won’t bang against the table and risk hurting it.“What are you sorry for?”Jensen purses his lips. “The spasms, just… they’re weird, I know.” Jensen remembers how a while ago, his father saw Jensen having a spasm fit in his legs while he was in his chair in the living room, and he couldn’t hide the disgust on his face looking at Jensen’s legs shaking in that unnatural way. Even Jensen’s spasms bothered his father, as if it was all Jensen’s fault. It’s always Jensen’s fault for some reason. And another reminder of how broken and a disappointment he is now. “I should have taken my meds today but I didn’t, I thought I’d be fine.”Jared cocks his head to the side. “You take Baclofen?”Jensen nods. “Yes. Doctor prescribed it if I wanted the spasms to subside. But they make me feel weird, dizzy and even nauseous. I only take it when it’s too bad.”Jensen watches as Jared bites the inside of his cheek, still holding onto Jensen’s jiggling leg. “Jensen, you don’t need to apologize for having spasms. It’s a reaction of your body due to your injury. Did you know that the spasms can actually be a good thing?”“They can?”Jared shrugs. “Well, your leg is moving, isn’t it? Even if it’s not voluntarily. The whole point of rehab is to get your body moving so your legs don’t atrophy, I see spasms as a way for your body to help with that. Like your legs are doing their own exercises.”“Oh.” Jensen frowns, he had never seen it that way. He just thought he was even more of a freak when his legs started jiggling like that.Jared keeps going. “You don’t need to feel ashamed of your spasms. I mean, you can keep taking Baclofen, but you don’t need to if you don’t want to, especially since you don’t like the side effects. Spasms aren’t harmful to you, they’re just a reaction of your paralyzed body. Just think about it.”Jensen nods. “I will. Thanks.”Jared nods back. “No problem. I saw in your file that your injury is incomplete T11 and 12 levels, right?” Jensen nods. “Do you have any feeling in your legs? Or movement?”Jensen sighs. “I have some barely there feeling. I can feel pressure on my thighs and up to some extent around…” Jensen makes a motion with his hand to his lower belly and groin area, feeling embarrassed talking about this with Jared, “...around here. I can barely feel anything from my knees down. And no movement, no. Just well, the spasms. I feel nerve pain in my legs too. Sometimes it’s a fucking bitch.”Jared nods and carries on with the exercises. “I guess you know how it’s normal to experience all of that, especially with an incomplete injury. Nerves can indeed be a bitch.”“Yeah, I’d know about that.”“Which it’s why it’s very important to come to rehab regularly. Therapy can help your body a lot, and like you probably heard many times, you can still gain more sensation and function with an incomplete injury. Even years after the injury.”Jensen just shrugs, not bothering to say anything. The rest of the session goes by mostly in silence, it’s like Jared senses that Jensen already shot his share of words for the day. Jared is extremely gentle and also deft as he works on Jensen, who feels himself relaxing further. After the exercises on his legs, they do some other ones also to help with Jensen’s upper body, especially working on his balance like having Jensen sitting on a mat with his legs stretched in front of him while Jared throws a ball for him to catch and throw, left and right. Jensen has to swallow down his sadness as he thinks back to when Jared would throw a basketball at him. In a different world. If Jared notices Jensen’s mood, he keeps it very professional and thankfully doesn’t say anything.Once that exercise is done Jared actually has to help Jensen back into his chair since Jensen still can’t pull himself up from the floor, it requires an ability and strength he doesn’t have yet. So Jensen wraps one arm around Jared’s shoulders while he wraps his own around Jensen’s waist, and guides him back to the chair. Jensen swallows hard and feels weird with having Jared so close, and spends some extra moments adjusting his legs on the footplate so he can recompose himself. Jared is just his therapist, Jensen tells himself. It’s a professional touch, that’s all.Lastly they do some workout for Jensen’s arms, he knows it’s a very important part of his rehab since he basically uses his arms for everything now. Jensen has always had strong arms due to sport and workout, and he wants to regain some muscles back that he lost in the past months.After a couple of hours his session is finally over, and Jensen feels drained. He looks up at Jared. “Thank you for the session, Jared.”Jared smiles. “No problem, dude. I’m glad you agreed to let me do it. See you tomorrow?”Jensen nods, and he can’t even understand the tiny feeling inside of him that is looking forward to coming back tomorrow and having another session with Jared. “See you tomorrow.”Jensen spins around and wheels to the locker room to grab his backpack, then goes outside where the driver is waiting for him. He keeps replaying the session with Jared on his way home, the easy, bullshit-free way Jared treated and talked to him. He probably does it with all his patients, he can tell Jared is an easy-going person, despite them not getting along. But Jensen can’t help feeling like a very very small part of him just unclenched an inch. Jensen doesn’t get his hopes up though. He doesn’t have a good track record of life being good for him, and it won’t start just now. Jared is just being a professional helping his patient, that’s all.And it’s okay. Jensen can beg for scraps if it’s all he gets to have.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Jared has a couple more sessions with Jensen, and he can tell the guy is feeling a bit more comfortable with him, which it makes Jared happy. Jensen doesn’t talk much during their sessions, he keeps it mostly to himself, and Jared tries to respect it. He can see how Jensen is very withdrawn and basically just goes with whatever Jared tells him he needs to do. Jared has a feeling that Jensen doesn’t really care about anything. Jared struggles not to start blabbering, he loves to chat with his patients, so it’s hard for him to keep quiet during his sessions with Jensen. Sometimes it unnerves Jared, he wishes he could shake Jensen and get him to try a bit harder, to care more about his own body. To even give Jared a hard time and be the usual asshole he used to be. But it’s like Jensen just isn’t there anymore, he’s just going through the motions.Eventually Jared starts adding new activities to Jensen’s rehab program.“You should start getting upright, it’s healthy for you to do that, to stretch your body and put some weight on your legs,” Jared says before they start their next session.Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “And how should I do just that, if I may ask?”“Well, we do have equipment here. Come on.”Jared directs Jensen to a standing frame, adjusting the height of the seat and asking Jensen to transfer to it. Jared places Jensen’s legs on the right place, then adjusts the padded supports to hold his knees in place so he won’t fall when he starts getting upright, and explains how it works.“There’s a lever on this side. The more you push it, the more upright you get. I’ll do it for the first time, but then you can do it yourself.”Jensen eyes the thing warily. “You sure this is safe?”Jared nods. “Yes it is, Jensen. This equipment is made specifically for paraplegics to be able to stand up. It will hold you in place, you’ll see. And I’m here too, you’ll be fine. Are you ready?”Jensen nods, and Jared can see how he swallows hard. Jared slowly starts pushing the lever, and Jensen starts getting more upright. When he’s halfway through it, Jared stops.“Are you okay?”Jensen blinks a few times. “I feel weird.”“It’s normal to feel dizzy. Your body isn’t used to being at this height anymore. Let’s give it a minute to adjust.”When Jensen gives him the okay, Jared keeps going, and soon Jensen is completely upright on the frame, holding onto the small tray in front of it. “Wow.”“I take it that you haven't been upright since your injury?”Jensen blinks a few more times and takes a few deep breaths, then finally nods. “Nope. My spine had to heal first, I guess. It feels weird to be at my usual height again. Damn.”“You’re gonna start doing many exercises to put you upright from now on, Jensen. Like I said, it’s very important that you do it, so you don’t have serious circulation problems in your legs and whole body in general. How do you feel about the standing frame?”“I actually like it. It’s a good way to stand up, I missed that.”“You can even buy one for yourself in the future, you can use it in your own house. Stay in it for a period of time each day. It will help your body a lot.”Jensen just nods, and Jared leaves him in the frame for a few more minutes. Then he brings Jensen back to a sitting position, and explains that for now only a few minutes are good. The more he uses the frame, the more time he can spend on it in the future.Jensen gets back in his chair and Jared takes him to the gym area so he can work on his arms. Jensen does some exercises on the pulley machine, pulling the cable down with his arms repeatedly, as Jared stands a couple of feet behind him. Jared’s eyes wander down Jensen’s body, noticing how his bicep muscles flex as he pulls the cable, his back muscles contracting under the tee he’s wearing. Jared can’t help himself as his eyes travel down his broad back and narrow waist, taking in the whole image of Jensen, how he sits in the compact sleek wheelchair. He suddenly finds Jensen so hot. Even in the chair, it gives him a vulnerable yet strong look, and Jared shakes his head, blinking a few times and swallowing hard, shaking those thoughts away. He can’t think that, especially not about a patient of his. Especially not about Jensen.Once they’re done with that part, Jared directs Jensen to the mat table so they can stretch his body. Jared spends some time doing motion range exercises with Jensen, and eventually the man speaks after a long period of quietness.“You really haven’t told anyone back in college about me?”Jared shakes his head. “Nope. I told you I wouldn’t.”Jensen doesn’t say anything for long minutes, then finally he speaks again, his voice a tad lower.“You’re dying to know what happened, aren’t you?”Jared doesn’t look up from Jensen’s leg and doesn’t even attempt to lie. “Yep.”“You’re not gonna ask?”“Nope.”“Why not?”Jared sets Jensen’s leg down carefully, and finally looks down at him from where he’s kneeling next to Jensen’s body.“Because it’s none of my business. And you made it clear already that you don’t wish to talk about it. I’ll respect your wishes Jensen, even if yeah, I’d like to know how everything changed since I left. I’d never make you tell me if you don’t want to though. So no, I won’t ask what happened to you.”Jensen just looks at Jared for a few moments and then nods. “Thank you,” it’s all he offers in reply, and Jared carries on with the exercises as if the conversation hasn’t even happened. He wishes Jensen would trust him enough someday to tell him his story, but they aren’t friends. They’re nothing except patient and physical therapist while Gil is absent, and Jared reminds himself they don’t even like each other. So he doesn’t think he will find out what put Jensen in a wheelchair.
Jensen
A couple more weeks pass and Jensen has more sessions with Jared. He didn’t expect to feel so comfortable doing the sessions with him, Jensen had assumed it would be incredibly awkward. But Jared was right about himself, he’s a damn good professional and despite being an intern, he knows what he’s doing and how to care for a patient.Jared has been doing a number of exercises to get Jensen to stand in different ways. Despite not really caring about rehab, Jensen can’t lie that he didn’t like the standing frame. He felt safe while in it, and it’s good to keep his body upright for a while. Jared leaves Jensen in it for a few minutes in every session, and it’s now Jensen who pulls himself up and down. He cherishes the moments he spends in it, it feels good to be standing and on people’s eye level. Jensen would love to have one at home like Jared suggested, but he did some research and it's expensive, and Jensen would never ask his father to give him one even if he has the money for it. He would never hear the end of it, plus Jensen doesn't want to ask anything to his father if he can help it. Maybe he can get some money from his trust fund to get one in the future.Jared has also been doing other exercises, like having Jensen sit on the edge of the mat table and place a walker in front of him. Jared sits right in front of Jensen on a stool and places a padded board between their knees, pressing hard on it with his hands, then makes Jensen hold onto the walker and push himself up. Jensen was terrified of doing that at first, claiming his legs wouldn’t hold him up, but Jared quietly asked Jensen to trust him. His knees would be secured in place by Jared and the board, and Jensen finally attempted it. Worst case scenario, he would fall backwards on the table again. But it did work, Jensen was able to push himself up a few times, and hold his body in place for a few moments using the strength in his arms. The first time he did it he looked down at Jared and found the guy smiling up at him. Jared was right, it’s good for his body to stand up for short periods. Jensen was glad he chose to trust Jared.They have also been doing a lot of exercises on the mat, with Jared showing Jensen how to pull himself up using his hands and knees, how his knees can support his body. Jared has also taught Jensen how to move around on his hands and knees, basically using his hips to move his legs. He moves his right hip forward and his leg comes, then moves the left and same thing. Soon Jensen was able to move a few feet on the mat like this, with Jared always right next to him to make sure he was good. It’s exhausting but also so damn worth it.Rehab sessions with Jared are indeed a breath of fresh air, especially since Jared is probably the only person who treats him normally and not as if he's gonna break at any moment, and Jensen can truly feel he’s making progress with his body. But the same can’t be said about his mind. A part of him knows that yes, the sessions are a good thing, but the larger part of him doesn’t see the point of anything. He doesn’t see the point in doing any of that, since he will never get truly better, not in the way he wants to. Jensen hates that he needs all of this effort to just move and stand up. It’s like there’s a light switch inside of Jensen. The light gets turned on during a very short period of time (coincidentally during his sessions), but most of it he’s just sitting in a dark room.Things at home are as bad as ever. Jensen can tell his mother tries, she loves him and wants to see him alright, but it’s not like she cares enough. And Alan is just a lost cause. His father just can’t hide his displeasure every time he sees Jensen especially in his wheelchair. Jensen feels like a cockroach every time Alan looks at him, and again and again he wonders what he did so wrong that his father can’t stand him. Jensen doesn’t tell anyone about his problems at home, not even to Josh. He doesn’t want his brother to worry about him more than he does, he would probably ask Jensen again to move in with him and Jensen would never do that. So he needs to suck it up.*It’s a particularly cloudy day for Jensen. He wakes up already feeling darker than usual, his mood just awful. He has the bad idea of checking old photos on his phone, of his old self playing basketball or just hanging out with friends, and it only serves to make him feel worse. Jensen just feels like smashing the damn thing against the wall. Why did Jensen have to do that? Why did he think it would be okay to get drunk and get behind the wheel? To go to that damn racing that day? He was already tired from practice and the full day he had. Why didn’t he just go home? Why him? Of all people. So many people out there, why was Jensen chosen to live a miserable life from now on? If only he had someone else to blame but himself, perhaps it would be a tad easier. Jensen could hate on someone else that isn’t himself, all the damn time.Jensen is getting ready to go to rehab, not that he’s dying to. Even if he knows Jared will be there and it won’t suck as much, he’s truly not in the mood today. Not even for that. Things take a turn for the worse when his father shows up at the house, claiming his car broke down and he needs to use their driver’s services today. Jensen’s jaw drops as he looks up at his father.“But I need him to take me to rehab!”Alan scoffs. “Sorry Jensen, but I have an important meeting outside of town and there’s no other car to use today since your mother went out to God knows where, and your own car that I gave you got smashed. By you. While driving drunk.”Jensen flinches. “Could you please not remind me all the fucking time what I did?”Alan raises an eyebrow. “Well I’m sorry, but it’s true. If you hadn’t been as reckless as you were, none of this would have happened and you wouldn’t have become a… you wouldn’t be in this situation right now. I’m just stating facts.”“I wouldn’t have become a cripple, is that what you would say? Oh please, don’t hold yourself back!”“I’m just saying Jensen. You got yourself in this situation. And I see you going to rehab almost everyday but I don’t see any improvements. I assumed you at least would be able to move more at this point. Didn’t the doctor say you could regain your functions with the injury you had?”Jensen scoffs. “It’s not that simple! You think I’ll just be up and around with a few rehab sessions? I wish it would be like that, but you don’t know how it is! You don’t know how painful and exhausting and frustrating it is to have to go through all that only so my body won’t waste away and see little improvement! You’re not in my shoes, you don’t have the tiniest idea of what being in this wheelchair is like and you don’t care. You don’t even care to know how my rehab sessions go or the small progress I make. Just like you never cared about me playing basketball.”“Yeah well, and now you don’t even play anymore, so what was the point? You acted like you loved basketball so much, even bugging me endlessly for not watching you play and missing work over it, but apparently it wasn’t that important since you got drunk and got yourself in a crash and this situation. You should have been more careful if you wanted to be an athlete like you said. I’m guessing it wasn’t that important after all.”Jensen’s jaw drops at his father’s words, they cut through his chest like a knife. He’s right, if Jensen cared more about basketball he wouldn’t have been so reckless. It’s all, all his fault.“I’ll get going now since it’s getting late,” Alan announces. “If you want to go to rehab anyway, you can call an Uber to take you. I’m out.”With that Alan leaves, and Jensen is alone in the house. He stays rooted to the spot for a long time, just thinking about his father’s harsh words. Why does he have to be so mean? Not even seeing his son in a wheelchair is enough to mellow his heart, quite the contrary. It seems like Jensen’s accident and injury made the man even harder and more intolerant towards Jensen. He wishes again that he could get out of this house and away from his father, but he really doesn’t have anywhere to go, at least nowhere he wouldn’t burden someone. Jensen feels his chest heavier, like he can’t take a breath, his father’s words swirling in his brain.Some time passes and Jensen remembers his rehab session, he’s already late for it. He truly doesn’t want to go, now more than ever. But Jared is waiting for him and Jensen didn’t cancel it beforehand. Jared will probably be mad that Jensen didn’t show up. A big part of Jensen simply doesn’t care, but at the same time he’s able to feel a tad better during the sessions with Jared. The driver isn’t home now, so Jensen wonders how he should go. His father suggested taking an Uber, but Jensen hasn’t taken one since his injury and he’s embarrassed to do so.At the same time, Jensen just feels the need to get out of the house for a while, he feels like he’s suffocating. So he grabs his phone and attempts a few times to call for an Uber, chickening out each time. What if the guy doesn't want to take his wheelchair? Finally Jensen manages to request one, and messages the guy explaining he’s a wheelchair user so he can cancel if he wishes.The first one does, and Jensen takes a deep breath, trying again and feeling more like a burden than ever. The second one thankfully takes him, and stores the chair in the trunk of his SUV. He attempts to make small talk with Jensen but he truly isn’t in the mood, so the guy leaves him alone. Finally they arrive at the clinic and Jensen gets back in his chair, wheeling inside. He’s about forty minutes late already.He changes into his gym clothes as quickly as he can, and goes to the rehab area. When he spots Jared he can see the guy is looking pissed. “What happened, Jensen? You’re late!”Jensen huffs. “Sorry, okay?I had some trouble getting here today.”Jared motions with his hand so Jensen will follow him. “Let’s start then. We’ll be running later than usual today so we can cover all your exercises.”They begin the session and it’s very awkward. Jensen can tell Jared is pissed, and it rubs it off on Jensen, who was already feeling shitty anyways, and the longer their session goes in this uncomfortable situation, the more annoyed Jensen is, and he truly doesn’t feel like cooperating on anything today, making the session even harder since he doesn’t hide from Jared that he doesn’t feel like doing anything. Eventually Jared can’t take it anymore.“Could you help me out here, Jensen? You were already late to the session and you’re acting as if you’re doing me a huge favor just by being here!”Jensen scoffs. “And what crawled up your ass and died there today, Jared? Look, I’m sorry I was late okay? What is the big deal anyway, we’ll just end a bit later than usual and you’re free to go home and get rid of me.”Jared’s voice raises a tad. They are alone in the room at this hour since most patients are already done for the day, so there’s nobody to overhear them. “I’m not going home, I had an important basketball practice today after hours, we have a game in two days.”Jensen rolls his eyes, feeling a deep pang in his heart. “Oh I’m so sorry for keeping the great power forward Jared Padalecki from practicing for his game. Now that you’re the sole star of the team again we can’t have you miss that, can we?”Jared presses his lips together before replying, not looking at Jensen. “Well you’re not there anymore so yeah, it’s up to me to make sure we play a decent match.” Jared’s eyes widen, as if he realized he shouldn’t have said that, and he opens his mouth to say something else, looking apologetically at Jensen, but he doesn’t let Jared continue. Jensen’s eyes narrow as he looks at Jared, his heart pounding hard in his chest and his chest feeling tighter.“You must be fucking thrilled that I can’t play anymore and you get to shine alone again, be back in your old position. You were hoping that would happen ever since I transferred to Austin, you could never accept the fact that I joined your team and stole your beloved position. What happened to me surely came in handy to you, huh?”Jared frowns at Jensen. “Have you lost your mind?”Jensen pushes himself up using his hands behind him, so he’s in a half sitting position and able to look better at Jared. “I'm sure you must be dying to mock me like you loved to do, ever since you found out I’m crippled now, but can’t because I’m a patient. Go ahead Jared, don't hold yourself back, I won’t tell on you. I must look hilarious to you now, your brain must be on fire. What have you got? I used to brag about how high I could jump for a dunk and now I have to drag my ass around in a wheelchair. Hilarious, I know.”Jared shakes his head. “I won't play your game, Jensen.”“And I don’t want pity from you either, alright?”“I don’t pity you, Jensen!”“Yes you do Jared, everyone does! Everyone treats me differently since the first time I sat in this goddamn chair! Like I’m made of glass, like I’m only half a person now. Nobody will… you couldn’t even stand me, Jared! And now you’re stuck with me, poor Jensen who got himself… who can’t even play anymore. I wouldn’t even be able to give you another night like that one we had even if we were crazy enough to do it again, you know why? Because I can’t even get my dick up and working anymore! How fucking pathetic is this? How damn pathetic is my life now, Jared?”Jared’s eyes widen and he pulls back, clearly taken aback by Jensen’s outburst. “Jens–” he tries, but Jensen shakes his head.“Just no! I’m sick of everything Jared, there’s no point in any of this. I don’t even know why I bother, it’s useless anyway. I’m useless. I should just stay home and not waste anyone’s time anymore.”With that, Jensen leans forward and pushes his immobile legs off the table, sitting sideways on it and transferring to his hated chair as fast as he manages. He begins to wheel away as Jared calls out to him.“Where are you going? We’re not done with the session!”Jensen turns his head around just enough to answer Jared. “But I am done.”Jensen wheels out of the room and he feels almost blind with everything going inside of him. The darkness has descended upon him in such a heavy way, that Jensen feels like he hit the bottom of the black hole he has fallen into. He’s reached the deepest part of the endless ocean and can’t even see the surface anymore, since it’s miles and miles ahead of him. There’s nothing he can do anymore, he just cannot swim up. He’s simply not strong enough, there’s no reason to keep trying.There’s nobody else at the gym area anymore, and suddenly Jensen remembers something. There’s a pool where patients have water therapy, right next to the gym.Drowning.His hands push him towards the pool area, which is also deserted now. It’s perfect. Jensen parks his chair right on the edge of the pool and locks his brakes. He looks down at the dark water, and something tugs at his heart.He won’t be a burden to anyone anymore, he’s just done with everything and tired of trying.
Jared
After Jensen storms off, Jared stays in place for a while trying to understand what happened. He feels bad that he was pissed with Jensen being late, he doesn’t know what made him be late. Perhaps Jared can talk to Jensen at the next session, maybe apologize for his behavior and some of the stuff he said. He goes to the locker room to get his stuff so he can go and perhaps try to catch at least part of the basketball practice, and keeps thinking back about Jensen’s harsh words. He excuses the guy, he surely must be going through a lot.Jared doesn’t even bother changing out of his workout clothes that he uses for work, he just grabs his duffel and heads out, the whole clinic apparently empty already. As he walks by the open area that leads to the pool one floor down, something catches his attention. Jared does a double check and sees a very recognizable figure sitting in his wheelchair right by the pool, looking intently at it. Jared frowns at the sight, and watches in horror as Jensen throws himself in it.For a split of a second, Jensen’s last words come back to Jared’s mind, especially the tone he used. I am done.“JENSEN!” Jared screams, bolting downstairs to the pool as fast as he possibly can, dropping his duffel somewhere on the way and not stopping for a second until he’s diving in. He swims fast towards the place Jensen is submerged, wrapping one arm around him and using the other, as well as his legs, to pull both of them up to the surface. As they finally emerge Jared makes an effort to turn Jensen’s face up, and swim backwards still using only one arm bringing Jensen to the edge of the pool.Jared feels breathless, all the effort draining him, but the adrenaline kicks in. Jared takes Jensen to the wide stairs located on one side of the pool, and uses both arms under Jensen’s body to carry him out of it. Jensen is unconscious and Jared places him on the floor by the pool, feeling desperate. He finds a pulse and performs compressions on Jensen’s body, doing CPR on him, blowing into his mouth. It doesn’t take long for Jensen to start coughing the water out, and Jared turns his body sideways so Jensen won’t choke.When Jared is sure Jensen is done puking the water out he sits next to his body, rubbing a hand over his back as Jensen recomposes himself. He looks around and seems confused, then his gaze lands on Jared.“J–jared?”Jared feels the adrenaline fading and he starts shaking, his eyes getting moist as he takes in what just happened. “Jensen, what did you do?”Jensen looks at the pool then at himself, taking in his soaked body, then back at Jared. His eyes widen and he looks completely lost and terrified for a second, then it’s like a mask takes over Jensen’s features and he sobers up as he uses his arms to get into a sitting position in front of Jared.“It was nothing. I… I f–fell into the pool. It was stupi–stupid. I promise. Don’t worry ab–about me.”Suddenly Jared gets it, and he won’t let Jensen get away with it. He grabs Jensen by the shoulders and shakes him slightly. “Jensen stop it! Don’t act like it was nothing! You just jumped into the pool deliberately, this is everything except nothing! Please drop the tough act for once!”Jensen stays frozen for a few moments, just staring at Jared, then Jared watches as Jensen’s face crumbles in front of him. The façade he had been wearing disappears and Jared finally sees the desperation forming on Jensen’s face. As Jensen looks straight into Jared’s eyes, his own big green eyes that have been so shadowed ever since Jared saw him again, fill with tears. His lips quiver and Jared feels how Jensen’s whole body starts shaking.“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that but I couldn’t take it anymore! I just wanted for everything to end and I wasn’t thinking straight, don’t be mad at me please, don’t be mad at me don’t be mad–”Jensen starts repeating the same words over and over, his eyes swimming with tears, his face getting redder by the minute, and Jared does the only thing he can think of. He pulls Jensen into his arms, wrapping them tightly around Jensen’s body. Jensen fists the front of Jared’s shirt and buries his face in his chest, his whole body now shaking uncontrollably. He starts sobbing, griping Jared’s shirt so tight Jared thinks he will rip it but he doesn’t care. Jensen sobs harder and harder, wailing and screaming desperately into Jared’s chest.Jared doesn’t do anything except hold Jensen as close as possible, rubbing his back with one hand and holding the back of his head with the other, rocking Jensen slightly back and forth as he allows the man to have his much needed breakdown. Jared starts crying too, he can feel Jensen’s raw pain down to his bones. He can’t tell how much time passes, he only stays like this with Jensen, in this oddly formed connection, for as long as Jensen needs it.Eventually the sobbing and shaking start to subdue, and Jared keeps his hold on Jensen until he feels the man releasing his shirt and dropping his hands, supporting all his weight on Jared. Jared very carefully pulls Jensen away from him, holding his face up and noticing how it’s blotchy and wet with tear tracks, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. Jensen is looking down, not facing Jared, and it looks like his soul is shattered. Like he’s completely exhausted and spent, with nothing left inside. “Jensen?” Jared tries, but Jensen doesn’t react. Jared imagines that Jensen has gone into shock after everything, especially after his suicide attempt, and Jared suddenly realizes he’s going to have to take over for now since it’s pretty obvious that Jensen isn’t okay, he’s completely catatonic.He pulls Jensen backwards against his chest, holding and comforting him for a few more minutes, until he feels Jensen’s body shaking with the cold. He remembers how people with SCI have difficulty regulating their body temperatures, and it’s much easier for them to develop hypothermia, for example. Jensen’s injury is low so it’s not as common for it to happen to him as it would be with a higher injury but Jared can’t take any chances, he needs to get Jensen dry and into warm clothes ASAP.Jared carefully pulls away from Jensen and keeps a hand on his back to support him since it doesn’t seem like Jensen can stay upright himself.“Jensen? I’m gonna take you to the locker room so we can get dry and out of these clothes, alright? I’ll help you through it, is that okay?”Jensen finally looks up at Jared, acknowledging him, and gives him a faint nod, speaking a few words in an agonizingly embarrassed whisper. “I… I think I peed myself when you pulled me out of the pool. Couldn’t hold it. Sorry.”Jared gives Jensen a small smile and caresses his back, relieved that Jensen is at least saying something. “Don’t worry dude, you’re wet all over anyway. I can’t even tell, you’re fine.”Jensen’s lips turn into the faintest of smiles, and Jared lets out a breath. “Look, can you sit upright here? I need to go get some towels before I help you back in your chair, so it won’t get all wet. You won’t want that, trust me.”Jensen puts his hands down on both sides of him, and nods. Jared quickly gets up and goes to a cupboard in the corner, grabbing a few towels. He places one around Jensen’s shoulders, and another on the seat and backrest of his chair, releasing the brakes of it and bringing it close to Jensen. Then Jared crouches down next to him.“I’ll carry you to your chair, okay?”Jensen only nods, vaguely gazing into the pool, and Jared carefully picks him up, placing him in the chair and making sure his legs are tucked on the footplate. Jared then pushes Jensen to the locker room, and he has a feeling that Jensen would never allow Jared or anyone to push him like this in his normal state.They arrive in the locker room and Jared crouches down again in front of Jensen. “Jensen, can I take over and help you out? You don’t have to do anything, I’ll just take care of you and make sure you’re all ready to go, okay?”Jensen nods and murmurs an “okay” very faintly. Jared takes him to the shower stalls, having decided that this is what Jensen needs right now, he’s too cold. He asks Jensen to put an arm around him and guides him to the stool, managing to take off his wet clothes. Then Jared turns the shower on, making sure the water is a nice warm temperature. He grabs the shower head and starts splashing Jensen with it, deliberately not paying too much attention to his body since Jared knows Jensen wouldn’t want him looking. Jared doesn’t use a washcloth or anything so he doesn’t have to touch Jensen’s body, all he wants to make sure is that Jensen is warm. Once he’s done, he turns the shower off and quickly towels Jensen off. Then he leaves Jensen alone for a few moments as he goes to the lockers, finding Jensen’s backpack and rummaging inside. He finds a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, socks and a fresh pair of underwear. Jared grabs all of those as well as his own hoodie from his locker.Jared returns to Jensen, helps him back into his chair and gets him dressed, Jensen helps a bit with the shirt and also lifts his butt from the chair using his hands so Jared can pull the underwear and pants up. Jared then zips up the hoodie and dresses Jensen’s feet in the warm socks after drying them thoroughly, and lastly hangs Jensen’s backpack on the back of his chair.Once Jensen is good to go Jared quickly dries himself, he’s not as cold so he doesn’t bother with a shower. He gets into his street clothes and thankfully he has another pair of sneakers in his locker, since he jumped into the pool with the ones he was wearing. He doesn’t have any more shoes to offer Jensen, but he can go without them for now since he won’t be walking anyway. His feet are warm now with the socks and that’s all that matters.Jared wonders what he should do now. Jensen is clearly far from okay, but they’re not close or anything for Jared to actually be of much help. He imagines that the best option now is to get Jensen home, perhaps his family can help him out. Jared wishes he could do more, he truly wants to help Jensen especially after what he attempted and the emotional moment they shared. But Jensen is still in shock, which is a normal reaction after this extreme situation, and Jared wants him to be as okay as he can be. So he places a hand on Jensen’s shoulder and leans closer to him.“Jensen, did someone bring you here today?”Jensen looks up and shakes his head. “Uber.”Jared frowns. He often saw a driver bring Jensen over and take him home, why did he Uber today? “Okay so, I’ll give you a ride home okay? I think it would be the best option here, to get you back to your family. Is that okay?”Jensen’s only response is to shrug slightly, and Jared pushes him out of the locker room. He collects his duffel bag on the way and takes Jensen out to the parking lot. He opens the passenger door and asks Jensen to place an arm around his shoulders. Jared takes Jensen into his arms again and places him on the seat, adjusting his legs and buckling him up. Then he throws Jensen’s backpack on the backseat, takes the wheelchair apart, popping the wheels off and lowering the backrest so everything will fit into the backseat as well, since his car doesn’t have a big trunk. Once it’s all set, Jared takes the driver’s seat and finds Jensen hunched over, turned towards the window, his hands buried in the pockets of the hoodie, staring outside as if he’s not really seeing anything.“Jensen, I’m gonna need an address so I can take you home.”Jensen doesn’t say anything, so Jared sighs and starts the car. As he drives out of the parking lot and turns right onto the road, comes Jensen’s small voice as he keeps staring out of the window.“Would you mind just driving for a while?”Jared cracks a small smile. “Of course not.”So that’s what Jared does. He rolls down the windows so both can catch some air since it’s a nice warm night, and drives aimlessly. He turns on the radio on a low volume, and they spend a long while just like this. It’s not uncomfortable in the slightest. Jared can feel that Jensen needs this quiet moment after everything that happened, he chances a few looks at the man from time to time and his gaze is still far away as the wind blows his hair.Jared has always been an anxious person. He never had much patience for anything. He always had the need to fill every moment with his endless blabbering. His mother always joked that Jared came with Energizer AA batteries inside him that would never run out. He gets anxious when there’s too much silence and quiet, or when things take too long.But for the first time in his life, Jared doesn’t feel bothered by it. Quite the contrary. Jared has never gotten along with Jensen and the feeling was mutual. There was always something about the dude that annoyed Jared. But here, sitting in this car with Jensen, not saying a single word for God knows how long as they drive aimlessly around the city, Jared feels a deep connection that he can’t explain himself. He has never felt this before. It’s like finally Jared doesn’t really need to talk. He understands Jensen needs this time, and he can respect it not only for Jensen’s sake. Jared isn’t anxious to end this, drop Jensen off and go home. He’s not counting the minutes until Jensen decides he’s done riding around the city. Instead, Jared feels strangely at peace and happy for being able to give Jensen exactly what he needs, and he knows he could go on with this for hours (he might have to stop for gas eventually though). Isn’t this so odd?Jared doesn’t know how much time passes and he really doesn’t care, could even be an hour or two, until eventually Jensen speaks again. He has changed positions to rest his back against the seat, and is staring out of the windshield. His voice is still small and even though he tries to sound neutral, Jared can hear the emotions in it.“I never cried, you know? Ever since I woke up in the hospital. Not even one tear.”Jared frowns and keeps driving, deliberately not looking at Jensen, sensing that probably he prefers it this way. “Not even when you learned you were paralyzed?”“Nope. Part of me wanted to. Wanted to cry, to scream. But my body shut down at that moment. It’s like a black endless wall descended around me. Like all my emotions were buried in that dark hole, like my soul got ripped out of my body and there was nothing left. I felt completely hollow and I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t express properly how I felt learning that. Until today.”“What changed today?”Jensen lets out a breath. “I felt the darkness stronger than the other days. I had a bad argument with my dad, I was late for the session, you were pissed and I fell even deeper. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I felt desperate and took a desperate measure.”Jared swallows hard. “I’m sorry I was so harsh on you. I didn’t mean it.”“‘t’s not your fault. I was just having a really bad day. Worse than others. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Especially since I wasn’t able to properly let my emotions out.”“Kind of ironic that it happened with me, of all people. I’m sure it would have been better if it was someone from your family or close friends there to catch you when you fell.”Jared looks quickly at Jensen, who shakes his head. “No, you don’t get it.”Jared frowns. “What?”“Can you park the car now?”Jared nods and drives off the road, entering a Target parking lot, which is empty for now, and cuts off the engine. He unbuckles the seat belt and turns his body towards Jensen. Jensen does the same and uses his hands so he can turn more towards Jared, his eyes shadowed.“Sometimes I wanted to. I felt a deep need in my body to let it all out, to break down, to allow myself to grieve. But something always held me back, I needed someone to catch me but it’s like I didn’t want to burden anyone. They all treat me like I’m made of glass now, I felt like nobody would understand me. Would really catch me as I needed. So I locked all those emotions away inside of me, not realizing how it was slowly killing me from the inside.” Jensen rests his head against the headrest and blinks slowly at Jared. He can see how Jensen’s eyes are shining as he speaks. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe, Jared. Like I was holding a breath ever since the first second after I learned I wouldn’t be able to walk again. It felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest, like my lungs were tied with a very tight rope, I felt claustrophobic. And right now, it feels like for the first time in months I can finally breathe just a bit better. It’s like something unclenched inside of me, that rope got a little looser. So thank you for being there to catch me.”Jared nods, feeling a deep emotion bubbling inside of him, and the unexpected connection with Jensen growing stronger. “I’m glad I was there for you. And that I was able to help you through it.”Jensen nods and lowers his eyes. “You’re a good professional, Jared. Your patients are lucky to have you.”Jared frowns. “You must know I’m not doing all of this only because you’re my patient, Jensen.” Jared doesn’t say out loud that he actually cares about Jensen, but it’s like the man hears it anyway as he purses his lips.“You don’t have to care about me like this. I was an asshole to you from the moment we met.”Jared chuckles. “I wasn’t easy on you either, Jensen. But things can change, right?”Jensen scoffs. “Yeah I sure would know that.”They stay in silence for some long minutes, and again Jared doesn’t feel in any rush to break it. He feels incredibly comfortable here like this with Jensen. Eventually Jensen looks down at his hands which are resting on his lap, and speaks with a hoarse voice.“It was a car accident, Jared.” Jared looks intensely at Jensen, waiting patiently for him to tell his tale, not saying a single word. Jensen keeps staring at his hands as he speaks. “I was never the most responsible dude, ya know? I always had a hard relationship with my dad, and it made things worse. So I often rebelled. I loved going out to drink, and I had this habit of getting behind the wheel after leaving the bars I went to.”Jared holds his breath, having an idea of where this is going, but lets Jensen go on. “I also loved racing. I knew some folks who did these races on the outskirts of town. More than once I was drunk when I participated in them. I knew it was reckless but I didn’t care, I just wanted to have fun.” Jensen purses his lips before continuing. “One day I was already tired from practice and work. I had another argument with my dad at the office, I was tired of him comparing me to my brother. I decided to blow off some steam. I got drunk as usual, then got into the car and drove to the race. I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. It made me feel trapped when I raced, so I took it off. What could happen right? Well. The race started but I was not in any condition to participate. I was sleepy and drunk. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I must have blacked out behind the wheel. There was an old construction site on the road, and I was told I lost control of the car and drove through this construction site, there was a wooden ramp and the car flew over it, crashing hard to the ground and flipping over a few times. Since I wasn’t wearing a belt, I was ejected from the car through the windshield, landing on top of all that broken glass. I was in a coma for almost two weeks before I woke up in the hospital to learn I broke my back. Or ‘sustained a Spinal Cord Injury’ as they embellished it.”Jared swallows hard, finally hearing the whole story. “Jensen…” he tries, but Jensen shakes his head vigorously, and Jared can see a couple of tears falling on his hands. Jensen then looks up at Jared, his face a mask of pain.“It’s my fault Jared, don’t you see it? I caused this to myself. Nobody else did. I was reckless, I got drunk. I took the risk. I was charged with DUI, it was my own luck that nobody else was involved in the accident or I could even have been arrested for killing someone. I have to pay the price for what I did for the rest of my life. You know how many times I wished I had someone to blame for me becoming paraplegic? I want so much to blame someone Jared, but at the end of the day it’s all my own damn fault. There’s simply nobody else to blame, I have to live with this forever. You have no idea how much I hate myself for all of this. Every second of every day I wish I could go back and make different choices, do things differently.”Jared looks at Jensen, his own tears streaming down his face, and Jensen keeps going as he harshly wipes his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I hate even looking at myself, Jared. I can’t look at my scars. I hate my wheelchair so much. Sometimes I start thinking that my whole life, for as long as I live, will be like this, I will never ever be able to walk again, and I just can’t breathe. I’m just twenty-two years old! How can I live like this for the rest of my life after one single mistake, Jared? I’m not a bad person, I just made a mistake and now I have to pay for it as long as I live. I'm bound to that damn wheelchair forever, I don’t even get a second chance! I lost what I loved the most ever since I was a kid, I will never be able to play a basketball match like I used to, ever again. I lost everything, in one single night Jared! I feel trapped inside this body, I don’t want to live like this! I don’t know what to do, I– I just– I don’t know–”Jared looks at Jensen for a moment, how he’s hyperventilating again, the clear desperation washing over his body. So Jared simply places both hands on Jensen’s shoulders and looks pointedly at him.“You can exhale now, Jensen.”Jensen immediately lets out a breath and his shoulders drop, his body tilting forward. Jared scoots closer to Jensen, catching and pulling him to another hug. This time Jensen wraps his arms around Jared, holding tight, and buries his face on Jared’s shoulder. He cries again, as if the dam is now opened, and Jared just lets him. Jared once more keeps caressing Jensen’s back, allowing for him to take his time.Eventually Jensen’s cries turn to laughter, and Jared frowns as he pulls away from Jensen.“What now?”Jensen chuckles and looks down, tears still streaming down his face. “Sorry, it’s just that… it’s funny how I was finally able to get everything off my chest after months of holding inside, and with you of all people. When I was going to therapy while I was at the rehab center my therapist told me I needed to go through all the stages, like grieving and then moving on. But I just couldn’t, I was just stuck at being angry and with all my emotions locked inside. I don’t know if I’m ready to move on yet, but I guess I took a good step today. Everything still sucks but I feel a bit lighter now. I didn’t see that one coming.”Jared chuckles too, feeling his own heart much lighter. He rubs Jensen’s bicep tenderly.“Hey?”Jensen looks up and raises an eyebrow, wiping his wet face. “What?”Jared scrunches up his nose, saying something he never thought he would say to Jensen. “Would you like to have a new friend?”Jensen gives Jared a surprised look, and opens a small smile. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”Jared smiles back and extends a hand to Jensen. “Jared Padalecki, nice to meet you.”Jensen chuckles and takes Jared’s hand. “Jensen Ackles, nice to meet you too.”They keep holding each other’s hand for a few moments, and Jared feels even warmer inside.“Shall we start over?”Jensen nods, his smile widening. “I like the sound of that.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
Jared drives Jensen home and they stay in silence, but it’s very companionable. Jensen still can’t believe the rollercoaster of emotions from this day. He doesn’t know what possessed him to jump into that pool, if Jared wasn’t there to save him Jensen would be pretty much dead now. The will of just ending everything is still buried in him, but at the same time he doesn’t want to die. And he’s actually very grateful that Jared saved him, and everything that followed. Having Jared so close to him, looking at him so earnestly, begging Jensen to drop his façade, was too much to him. All of Jensen’s defenses crumbled to dust, and he was finally able to let all of his anguish out. At that moment he felt truly connected with the one person who, against all odds, was able to finally catch him. Jensen truly didn’t see that coming.He felt his chest expanding a bit after crying his eyes out, as a weight was being lifted from his chest. Of course things are still hard but he also feels better in a way. And sharing things with Jared in the car, having the guy truly listening to him, being so empathetic, lit something inside of Jensen.For the first time, Jensen feels hope alongside his despair. He can’t believe Jared is now his friend, that their relationship took a 180º turn. That Jared of all possible people was the first person Jensen was able to truly connect with after his accident. Life is so hilarious.Jared parks in front of Jensen’s house and cuts the engine. “Hey, you don’t live far from me at all. My apartment is about a mile away from here, or so.”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “That’s cool! Hey… thank you again for today. You have no idea how much you helped me.”Jared nods, and gives Jensen a serious look. “Jensen, are you sure that you’re okay? I mean… regarding your, well, your suicide attempt. I’m just worried, sorry. It was too scary.”Jensen bites the inside of his cheek. “I’m fine, I promise. It was just a desperate moment. I’m not having suicidal thoughts, I’ll be fine, especially after having gotten it all out. Just need to get some rest.”“You should really consider going back to therapy, though. It can be very good for you to get professional help.”Jensen nods. “I’ll think about it, I promise. Can I… well, can I ask you not to tell yet another thing to anyone?”Jared lets out a chuckle. “It will be another little secret of ours. But I mean it Jensen. It was a serious thing and you need to take care of yourself, alright?” Jensen nods, again promising he will, and Jared goes on. “Hey, I have an idea… what if you rode home with me from rehab from now on? I mean, I get that you probably have a driver and just took an Uber today for some reason and it would be better to ride with him since he would also take you to rehab and I wouldn’t be able to drive you there since your appointments are usually my last ones and I’m already there, but I just thought… since we leave around the same time, I mean. I wouldn’t mind. And I don’t know, we could hang out a few times if you want. It’s just an idea, I understand if you don’t want to.”Jensen feels his heart growing at hearing Jared blabbering like this, offering to drive Jensen and even to spend time with him. “I don’t want to impose though. I’m sure you have lots of other things to do other than hang out with your new crippled friend.”Jared raises an eyebrow. “First of all, I don’t ever want to hear you referring to yourself as crippled, got it? That’s not a nice word and you’re not crippled. And second of all, I wouldn’t mind at all. I think it would be cool for us to hang out more. We have a rough past, and we need to get to know each other, the other side of each other anyway.”Jensen nods, opening up a smile. “Okay, then. I’d love that. If you don’t mind driving me home, I could try and catch an Uber to go to the clinic, or ask the driver to just drop me off. I’ll figure it out.”Jared smiles back, and even in the dark car Jensen can see how Jared’s smile shines. “Awesome! Can we exchange phone numbers? Just in case, you know?”Jensen nods and offers his phone to Jared, taking his in return. He punches his number in, and saves his contact as Shackles since Jared used to call him that. When he gets his phone from Jared, he sees his contact is saved as Padapoop. He lets out a laugh, and Jared joins him when he realizes they both had the same idea.Jared finally exits the car and assembles Jensen’s chair, making sure it’s all set before wheeling it close to the passenger’s side where Jensen has the door wide open. Jared holds the chair firmly in place from behind as Jensen transfers himself to it, then Jared steps back once Jensen is settled. He wheels backwards and Jared closes the door, then turns to him.“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”Jensen looks up and nods. “As okay as I can be. I guess after you hit rock bottom, the only way now is up, huh?”Jared nods back. “Yeah, I guess so. Promise you’ll call me if you need anything? Anything at all? Or if you just want to chat. I’m a good chatterbox too, I promise.”Jensen laughs. “Oh I have absolutely no doubt about that! You never shut up!”Jared laughs as well. “Not arguing with that. But I can listen too.”Jared follows Jensen until they’re in front of Jensen’s door, and he turns to give Jared a small smile. “Thank you again for today. It was just beyond words. By the way, I’m sorry I made you miss b-ball practice.”Jared gives him a mock salute. “My pleasure. And don’t worry about it, it was worth it. I’m sure they survived without me. See you at rehab?”Jensen nods and remembers something, reaching for the zipper of the hoodie. “Guess this is yours.”Jared just holds up a hand. “It’s okay, just keep it. I think it likes you better than me.”Jensen chuckles, thanking Jared again, who squeezes his shoulder. Jensen wheels to the door and unlocks it, getting inside. He keeps the door open until Jared is safely back in the car and drives away, honking twice as he leaves. Jensen closes the door and lets out a breath. He ignores his father asking where the hell Jensen has been that he’s so late, and goes straight to his bedroom. Jensen lies down on his bed and crosses his arms under his head. He doesn’t even want to take the hoodie off, it feels very cozy. He will forever deny that he ever thought that, but it smells like Jared and it’s an extra level of comfort for him, like Jared is still hugging him.Jensen keeps staring at the ceiling for a while, tears falling down the side of his face. They’re not even sad tears. It’s not happy either, it’s more like a relief cry. Like Jensen if finally starting to be able to feel his own emotions, to let them out, to maybe deal with what’s happening to him. Like he can finally stop living in complete denial and anger 24/7. It’s like the tiniest flicker of hope blossoms inside of Jensen, and he hopes it lasts. That Jared truly wants to be his friend, it wasn’t him just saying since Jensen was having a rough moment.Eventually his phone beeps and Jensen sees it’s a message from Jared, his heart doing a somersault.Padapoop: Sleep tight Schmeckles! See ya soon!, followed by a poop emoji that makes Jensen chuckle.Jensen: Oh my God, do you ever stop talking like, ever? Good night, Padasomething! See ya. He sends an emoji with a hand covering its own mouth.Jensen sleeps much lighter for the first time in a long time.*Jensen arrives at rehab the next day feeling anxious. The driver takes Jensen, and he sends the guy home. He hopes Jared really meant it when he said he would give Jensen a ride home, but if not Jensen will just call the driver and ask him to come back.Jensen enters the gym area after changing his clothes and Jared walks over when he spots him, a smile spreading over his face.“Hey Jensen! Nice to see ya!”Jared offers his hand and Jensen takes it, squeezing it for a moment. “Back at ya.”Jared directs Jensen to the mat table for the usual exercises. As Jared helps Jensen stretch, he starts talking.“So, how are you doing after last night? Are you okay?”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I guess. I truly feel lighter, like I can maybe start dealing with my emotions and hopefully accepting my condition better, which I haven’t done so far.”Jared smiles. “That’s great!”They do their usual routine and make small talk here and there, Jensen feeling much closer and more comfortable with Jared after last night. As Jared puts Jensen on the standing frame and he usually stays there for a while, Jared takes the opportunity to ask a question.“So Jensen, are you accepting my ride offer to take you home today?”Jensen nods. “Well, if it’s still up then yeah, definitely. The driver just dropped me off, I was hoping the offer was standing. If not I could call him to come back.”Jared shakes his head. “Oh no! Don’t do that. I can totally take you home. I was wondering though, would you like to hang out before you go home? Just a suggestion of course. You can say no if you don’t want to. But I thought it would be cool, now that we’re friends and stuff. We could maybe grab something to eat, I don’t know. Just so we could start getting to know each other better.” Jensen frowns as he thinks about it, looking down at his hands on the tray in front of him, and Jared misinterprets it. “It’s a stupid idea, isn’t it? I knew it, sorry. I guess you think it’s weird for us to hang out this soon. I get it. I’ll drive you home straight from here, forget I said anything.”Jensen chuckles, and looks up. “You’re definitely a chatterbox, huh? But no, that’s not it Jared. I promise. I’d love to hang out with you. It’s just that… I don’t know. I haven’t really left my house ever since I got discharged from rehab. I only leave for doctor’s appointments and rehab sessions, nothing else. I don’t feel like being seen, and I don’t know if I’m ready to expose myself like this, going to grab something to eat somewhere in public, where I know people would be staring at the freak here.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “No freak, okay? Stop with those derogatory names. And okay I get it. We need to start slowly until you’re comfortable going out. You know what? We could go to my place and hang out there, maybe order pizza and watch a game or something. What do you say?”Jensen feels his heart doing another somersault with Jared suggesting they hang out at his apartment. It would actually be perfect, since Jensen wouldn’t need to go out in public.“Do you live by yourself?”“Yep, ever since I came back from Paris. I lived in the dorms before with my roommate Chad, but now he shares an apartment with his girl, and I got one for myself. So it’s only ol’ me.”Jensen nods. “Can I access it easily?”“Yep. I live conveniently on the first floor, there’s only one step in and out but it’s totally manageable, I can help with that if needed. Don’t worry.”Jensen smiles. “I’m in, then.”The session finally ends and they go to the locker room, Jensen changing out of his gym clothes into the jeans and button down he came with. He usually doesn’t do it, he just goes home with his gym clothes, but for some reason today he decides to change them. Since he’s hanging out with Jared he wants to look the least bit decent, it’s already bad enough that he is dependent on a wheelchair. Jensen also uses the adapted bathroom to empty his bladder, since he doesn’t know if he can use Jared’s bathroom.Jared meets him at the reception and off they go. Jared once again stows Jensen’s chair for him, and they drive to his apartment. Once Jensen is settled in the chair again he follows Jared into the building. There’s the step that Jared mentioned, and Jensen quietly asks for a push since he still doesn’t have the right ability to go up a step with no rail - down is easier. Jared gives him a hand with that and then opens the door wide so Jensen can wheel inside.“Welcome to Casa Padalecki!”Jensen looks around and gives Jared a smile. “Feels cozy.”Jared shrugs. “It’s just a small thing that I can afford on my own. I should get a roommate to split the bills since it’s a two-bedroom, but I still haven’t gone around to do it. I hope you can get around fine, I can push things out of the way so you can maneuver better.”Jensen smiles. “I’ll let you know. Thank you.”Jared gives Jensen a very small tour of his house, it’s really just two bedrooms, a bathroom in the hall, a kitchen next to the living room with a small dining table, and a small balcony. Jensen really likes it.“Want something to drink? I have soda, OJ and beer. Are you drinking?”“I haven’t had alcohol since the accident but there’s nothing stopping me. I just haven’t felt like it so far, maybe in the future. It’s just too soon after I fucked up because I was drunk. I’ll take a soda, but you can have a beer if you want, no problem.”Jared shakes his head and grabs two cans of Dr. Pepper from the fridge. “I can have a soda too, I like it. Plus, I’m driving you home soon. Wanna go to the couch? I think there’s a Cowboys’ game starting.”Jensen nods and Jared carries the sodas to the living room. Jensen wheels to the couch and asks if Jared can move the coffee table a bit, so he can position himself better to make the transfer. Jared happily obliges and soon both are settled on the couch. Jared turns on the TV and suggests they order the pizza. They spend some time going through the menu in the app, deciding what they want. Jensen offers to pay for it and doesn’t hear no for an answer, brushing Jared off as he claims he was the one who invited Jensen therefore he should pay. Jensen says it’s a treat for the help from last night, and Jared can pay for something else in the future.They watch the game in companionable silence for a while and then the pizza arrives. Jared gets the door and then brings the box over with some napkins and new cans of soda. They spend some time just eating and watching TV, and eventually Jensen dares to touch a delicate subject for him.“So… how is the team?”Jared turns to him and swallows down the bite he had been chewing. “Basketball team?” Jensen nods, and Jared turns his body more towards Jensen. “It’s okay. We’re having a good winning streak, but it’s not like what it used to be when you and I were at our best.”Jensen lowers his head. “I miss that.”“I miss it too. People still mourn for the end of J-Squared.”Jensen bites his bottom lip. “The team must hate me for leaving like that. They must think I abandoned them.”Jared shrugs as he takes a sip from his can. “Well, I know that Jeff holds a grudge, yes. I wanted to tell them what really happened so they wouldn’t have a wrong impression of you, but since you asked me not to, I held my tongue.”Jensen nods. “Appreciate it.”“I think you should tell them, though. They would like to know. Maybe you could go visit during practice one day.”Jensen huffs. “Yeah, that’s not happening anytime soon. Maybe in the future, I don’t know, but definitely not right now.”Jared just nods and they stay in silence for a while, then Jensen speaks again, looking down at his hands.“Yesterday before rehab, I was having another argument with my father. He never supported me playing basketball, he thought it was a waste of time. He wanted me to focus on working for him. Anyway, he threw in my face that basketball didn’t seem to be that important to me as I said it was, since I was so reckless when I had the accident and didn’t think about the consequences, that if I truly loved basketball I’d have been more responsible.”Jared’s eyes widen. “I can’t believe he said that!”Jensen shrugs deliberately. “He’s right, though. If I wanted to be a professional athlete, I shouldn’t have been so irresponsible. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. And now I can’t play anymore, I lost the one thing that gave me most joy in life.”“But Jensen… it still doesn’t give your father the right to say those things to you. You’re already going through an incredibly difficult time, he doesn’t have to rub salt to the wound. He’s your father, he should be more empathetic!”Jensen scoffs and looks up. “You don’t know my father, Jared. He can be one cruel man. I don’t think he likes me very much for some reason.” Jensen spends some time just chewing on his pizza and thinking about what to say, while Jared waits patiently and eats his own slice. “That night that you and I… well, that we slept together, you said how I had everything so easy. You couldn’t be further from the truth.”Jared chuckles, probably remembering the past. “Yeah. I saw you as Mr. Perfect who had everything going on for yourself. I hated you for it.”“Well, yeah. In a way I was privileged to have a somewhat wealthy family, having all material things. But things with my father have always been complicated. Our relationship wasn’t the best. He always compared me to my big brother, Josh, who was the perfect son, doing everything our father tells him to. It’s why we grew apart, he and I. We were just too different, I was never cut to work in an office for the rest of my life. That was a source for many arguments between all of us. My father would always scold me for putting basketball before everything else. They never cared, Jared. They never went to my games. Not even my mom, who is always more worried about meetings with her socialite friends. I never had anyone to share my passion for basketball with. Well, I had my friends, but they also had their own interests. So it was only me, ya know? And well, after the accident things got even worse between my father and I. I know he sees me even more as a disappointment now that I’m in the wheelchair, and blames me for the accident. Like I blame myself.”Jared doesn’t say anything for a while, and then he finally speaks in a small voice. “I don’t even know what to say, Jensen. Your father is too cruel to you. A parent should always support their child, especially if said child is going through a tough time like you are now. Not make things even worse.”“Yeah, a parent should. Not him though. Alan doesn’t even want me working for his company anymore. I guess he’s embarrassed of people seeing his crippled– sorry, I know you don’t like it when I say that. His disabled son.” Jared’s jaw drops and Jensen continues. “It’s not like I truly wanted to work there anyway. I always hated it, so that was actually a blessing in disguise. The one thing I knew how to do and wanted for my future was basketball, and now this is over for me. I feel lost Jared. Like I’m adrift in the middle of an endless sea, with no land in sight. I don’t know who I am anymore.”Jared frowns, crumpling his dirty napkin and throwing it on the coffee table, then he leans forward and gives Jensen an intense look.“You’re still the same person as you were, Jensen. The difference is that now you’re sitting down.”Jensen lets out a humorless chuckle and shakes his head, feeling tears forming behind his eyes, but he swallows them down for now.“No Jared, I’m not. You don’t get it. Before my injury I used to be a person that I can’t be anymore. All I knew was to play basketball, go racing and partying with my friends. Now I can’t play anymore. So I don’t know who I am. The Jensen I always knew was the one who could walk, who could jump higher than anyone, who dunked ball after ball, who spent most of his time on a basketball court, who had a goal of becoming an NBA player. That version of me died in the car crash, and I don’t know who the paraplegic Jensen is. I don’t know who I am now. I have a disability label on me, like a stamp, and I don’t know how to deal with and process this new label. I cannot be the same person I was when I can’t do the things I used to do before, the things that made me, me. When my goals turned to dust. Can you understand that?”Jared is silent for a few moments, giving Jensen an earnest look, and then he finally nods.“I can. And if you want, I can help you learn how to figure out who the new Jensen is. I bet he’s a great guy who still has a lot to give. And I really like what I’ve seen from him so far.”Jensen gives Jared an earnest smile, feeling yet another bit of himself unclenching. “Thank you, Jared. I’d like that.”Jared smirks. “There’s one thing you still are tho, which is a big pain in the ass.”Jensen laughs out loud, and he realizes it has been a long time since he hasn’t laughed so carefreely like this. “It’s because you’re an annoying little shit.”Jared laughs too, and without saying anything else they focus on the game again. It surprises Jensen how effortless things with Jared are. They don’t need to talk all the time, it feels good to just be with each other in silence. Jensen feels good for sharing more things with Jared, he feels more and more how he can truly connect with the guy, as funny as it is. He’s finally being able to put into words how he desperately feels inside, to someone who has never looked at Jensen with pity, but who truly tries to understand him to some extent.As the game ends Jared drives Jensen home, since he quietly claims he needs to take care of some personal business, and it’s also getting late. Jensen thanks Jared for the ride and for his time, and he already can’t wait for them to hang out again.
Jared
As Jared arrives at the clinic the next day, one of the receptionists tells him that Gil is coming back in a couple of days, so he won’t need to do the sessions with his patients anymore. Jared’s heart sinks as he realizes Jensen won’t be his patient from now on, and he feels sad. He got used to working with Jensen, they managed to create an intimacy, and now Jared will have to hand him back to Gil. He feels sad as he works on his first patients of the day, and then finally Jensen arrives.He greets Jared and probably notices there’s something wrong. “Is everything okay, Jared?” He asks with a frown.Jared blinks a few times and nods, burying his hands in his pants’ pockets. “Yeah. Yeah it is. It’s just that well… they just informed me today that Gil is coming back from his leave. So you’ll go back to him for your sessions since I was just replacing him.”Jensen’s eyes widen as he hears it, and he shakes his head. “No. Oh no way. Didn’t you tell them that you could continue as my therapist?”Jared shrugs. “I can’t do that, Jensen. I’m just an intern, you know that. You’re Gil’s patient, not mine.”Jensen shakes his head again. “No way. Come with me.”Jensen spins around and heads to the reception, Jared walking behind him. Jensen goes to the front desk looking very determined.“I’d like to please request to be placed permanently as Jared’s patient even after Gil returns.”The girl behind the desk, Katie, frowns. “Is there any issue with Gil, Mr. Ackles?”“No, not at all. But since I started doing my sessions with Jared, I really like him as a professional. So I don’t wish to go back to Gil, I’d rather stay with him please.”Katie nods. “Of course, Mr. Ackles. I’ll make the change to your file right now so you can stay as Jared’s patient.”Jensen nods back. “Awesome, thank you. Let’s go, Jared.”Jared follows Jensen back to the gym with an amused smile on his face and his heart feeling incredibly warm that Jensen made sure to keep him as his therapist. As Jensen gets settled on the mat table for the exercises, Jared kneels beside him and smirks.“You love me, don’t you?”Jensen gives him an eyeroll. “Shut up. I guess you’re just the lesser of two evils.”“Aw Jenny-bear. Confess it, you can’t stay away from me anymore.”Jensen shrugs and looks away, not answering but Jared has a feeling that’s actually true, and it makes him incredibly happy for some reason. Jared doesn’t want to be away from Jensen either.As they finish the exercises on the table, Jared gets a measure tape and explains to Jensen what he’s doing. “I’m gonna take measures of your legs and feet and write them down on your chart. The clinic techs will put together braces for your legs, they’ll be strapped from your upper thighs down to your feet, and hold your legs upright. With them you’ll be able to take some steps using an extra aid like parallel bars, a walker or crutches. It’s important for you to practice with them. Since you have the use of your arms to support your weight, it’s a very good exercise for you so your body can stretch and walk around for a bit.”Jensen frowns. “Sounds terrifying.”“But also so cool. I’ll be there to make sure you don’t fall on your ass, don’t worry.”Jensen smiles at him. “Thank you for that.”As Jared puts Jensen on the standing frame, they kill some time by chatting about random things. Jared studies Jensen as he watches another patient passing by with a therapist, he knows the guy has a C2 injury, meaning it’s very high on his neck, he has no movements at all and uses a power chair to get around, barely managing to move the joystick in the chair. Jensen’s gaze follows the guy for a while, and then he turns to Jared with a pensive look.“Do you also think I should feel grateful that I’m not a quad?”Jared frowns and shakes his head. “Nope.”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “Really? Because I’ve heard before that I should feel lucky to have a low injury, that I can be more independent and shit.”Jared shrugs. “Well, I mean. Yeah, it would suck a lot more if you didn’t have full use of your arms or nothing at all. You would be much more dependent on others for everything with a cervical injury and your life would definitely be even harder, so as far as spinal injuries go, it’s much better to have a lower than a higher one. But, it doesn’t mean you can’t suffer for what happened to you, just because other people had it worse.”Jensen gives Jared what he interprets as a hopeful look. “Yeah?”“Of course. Your suffering is as valid as anyone else’s. You’re allowed to suffer and mourn for what happened to you, it doesn’t matter what happened to others. It’s your reality. This is your life, your experiences, and others can’t invalidate it. It’s like when you tell someone you’re sad because your dog died, and that person tells you that they know someone who lost ten dogs at once. It’s worse, of course, but it doesn’t invalidate your own suffering. You can't compare your own story to others.”Jensen studies Jared for a few more moments, and finally opens up a small smile. “Thank you, Jared. That helps a lot.”Jared smiles back. “Anytime.”*For the next couple of days they repeat their routine, going over to Jared’s for dinner before Jared drives Jensen home. Jensen has tried to argue more than once that he didn’t want to impose, since Jared has to put up with Jensen in his apartment and even leave again to drive him home, all after a long day of classes and work. Jared just brushes him off saying he truly doesn’t mind.“I just don’t want to be a burden to you, that’s all,” Jensen mumbles on Friday night as they have defrosted lasagnas for dinner, not looking up from his food. “I bet you must have much better things to do on Friday night rather than spending time with the c–well, with me.”Jared rolls his eyes in fake annoyance. “Jensen, you’re not a burden okay? Quit that. You’re my friend. I like hanging out with you. If I didn’t want you here I wouldn't have suggested it in the first place. I didn’t invite you to hang out in my house out of pity, alright? And I truly don’t mind driving you home, it’s barely a five minute ride.”Jensen looks up and nods. “Promise you’ll say something if you have other plans alright? Please never feel sorry for me, I can’t take that.”Jared nods. “I promise. I’m just going through a phase where I’m not going out much. I’d rather stay at home anyway. Tomorrow Chad is coming over, we haven’t hung out in a while since he’s always busy with his girl, so I invited him for some beers and to watch the game.”Jensen smiles. “Sounds good.”“You can come too if you want, ya know?”Jensen immediately shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll pass. I’m not there yet. Plus you should hang out with your other friends and take a break from me anyway. And I think Chris and Steve are coming over tomorrow, so I’ll be with my friends too. They visit sometimes.”Jared brings a hand to his chest and his jaw drops in mock offense. “You’re telling me you have friends other than me??” Jensen laughs and Jared lifts an eyebrow, picking up his fork again. “I bet they’re not as awesome as me, though.”Jensen doesn’t answer, but he makes a face as he resumes eating the lasagna.*Jared goes out for some errands on Saturday morning and gets some wood boards so Chad can help with something. His friend comes by in the afternoon bringing some tools that Jared has asked him to. Jared grabs beers for them as Chad plops down on the couch, and Chad points at the wood boards propped up against a wall in the corner of the living room.“What’s up with that?”“I need your help Chad, since you’re good with this stuff. I need a small ramp to put on that step in front of my entrance door.”Chad frowns as he sips his beer. “Why on Earth do you need a ramp on that one step, Jare? You’re getting so old you can’t lift your foot to conquer that huge obstacle?”Jared frowns and scratches the back of his head. “No, it’s not that.”Chad raises an eyebrow. “Is there something going on?”Jared bites the inside of his cheek, considering it. He won’t get away with not telling Chad the real reason why he needs his help. And he trusts Chad, his friend may be many things but he is incredibly loyal.“Well yeah actually. But you need to pinky promise me not to tell a single soul about it. And I mean it.”“Okay, now you got me very curious. I promise Jare, I won’t say anything. You know me.”Jared nods and lets out a breath. “Remember Jensen?”“As in Ackles? J-Squared?”“The one and only.”Chad nods. “Yes, sure I do. You used to bitch about him to me all the damn time. But what does he have to do with anything? I thought he moved away.”“No he didn’t, he’s still living here in Austin.”Chad’s eyes widen. “Then why did he quit the team?”Jared bites the inside of his cheek as he considers his friend. “Jensen had a bad car accident a few months ago, sustained a spinal cord injury and has become paraplegic, he uses a wheelchair now.”Chad’s jaw drops almost to the floor. “Holy shit! That’s fucked up, man. Poor dude. And how do you know that?”Jared shrugs. “He’s my patient at the clinic. I’ve been responsible for his rehab. He asked me not to tell anyone about it, he doesn’t want folks to know, not even the team.”Chad stays silent for a few moments before speaking again. “Wow. Okay, but what does this have to do with the ramp?” he eyes Jared suspiciously.Jared looks down at the bottle in his hands. “It’s just that… Jensen and I ended up becoming friends. And he comes over sometimes.”Chad’s eyes widen as two big saucers. “You and Ackles are friends now? Okay, that’s more shocking than hearing about his paralysis. I’m going to alert the press.”Jared shrugs again. “Yeah well, against all odds we ended up bonding due to the hard time he’s been going through. I’ve helped him a bit.”“Wow. And you said he’s coming over here to your apartment?”Jared nods. “Yep, he is having problems at home with his father and stuff, so we hang out together after rehab almost everyday. I can tell he’d rather stay away from his house as much as possible. And he has some trouble going up the step with the wheelchair, hence me needing a ramp for him. I don’t mind giving him a hand each time but I think he’d rather do it himself. The ramp will make it much easier for him.”Chad gives Jared a pensive look. “You should just invite Ackles to move in with you now that you’re buddies, you have a spare room. Weren’t you planning on getting a roommate anyway?”Jared hasn’t thought about it. He wouldn’t mind having Jensen as his roommate actually, it would be much better than to have someone he doesn’t know. But he doesn’t think Jensen would want to come live in Jared’s small apartment. His house is probably all adapted for his needs, to make him much more comfortable. Jared doesn’t think he has the guts to ask Jensen, it’s better to leave things like they are for now. He doesn’t answer Chad, just changes the subject. “Can you help with the ramp then?”
Jensen
Before Jensen started doing rehab with Jared, he didn’t feel like going to the clinic so much, he didn’t see the point of going and couldn’t wait for the weekend so he could be at home spending time in his room feeling sorry for himself and drawing. Even hanging out with Chris, Steve and his brother. But now things are different. Jensen feels sad that he won’t have sessions for two whole days, and won’t hang out with Jared at his apartment. They’ve done it only a few times but Jensen already craves it. He truly likes Jared’s company, things feel much easier with him than with others. It’s like Jared gets him on a deeper level, he doesn’t walk on eggshells around Jensen. But he can survive for two days, he’s not a baby.Chris and Steve come over and they spend some time at the backyard chatting around a garden table. His friends ask Jensen how things are going and Jensen shares about his newfound friendship with Jared, how he’s responsible for his rehab sessions and also how they’re hanging out at Jared’s apartment. Both Chris and Steve are surprised to hear that.“You’re hanging out with Jared Padalecki? The dude you swore was the most annoying person on the planet?”Jensen shrugs. “Yeah, well. I’ve had some tough moments and Jared really helped me. I’m alright, though. I was able to finally get some stuff out of my chest so I’m feeling a bit lighter.”Jensen doesn’t tell about the suicide attempt or goes in depth about the moments he shared with Jared. Chris nods. “Yeah, I can tell you’re looking a bit more relaxed than you were before. It’s good that you guys are getting along, Jensen. And if you say he’s a nice guy then I trust your judgment.”Jensen just nods, he doesn’t want to share how Jared was the one person he was able to truly bond after the accident, who caught him when Jensen needed the most, how they truly connect with each other against the odds and he already misses Jared when they’re not together, how Jensen already craves his friendship and company. No, he wants to keep it to himself only.“Yeah, he’s not that bad.”*On Monday Jensen is excited about his rehab session, and it’s so odd to finally feel excited about something again after months of complete dullness. Jared and he texted a few times during the weekend, and each time a new message popped on his phone, Jensen’s heart did a little jump. He feels like a teenage girl.The session goes well, Jared is always trying out new exercises with Jensen and he is learning how to really enjoy those. He can tell the difference about having only a nurse doing basic exercises on his legs twice a day and a full recurrent rehab session, and he tells Jared that as they do some exercises on the mat.“It feels good for my body to work out like that, I can admit how good rehab is for me. I can feel how my body is more stiff in the morning, but after the sessions it just loosens up.”Jared nods with a smile. “Yeah, let’s just say that your body needs some extra maintenance. And you can start a stretching routine in your bed after you wake up, I can show you some exercises you can do. It’s important to take some minutes everyday to do that, so your body doesn’t feel too stiff after staying in one position for hours.”“Well, I try to stretch a bit but I don’t think it’s enough. You can show me what I could do.”“If you want we can do it together back at my apartment, I have a spare bed we could use for demonstration so it’s more similar to what you’ll be doing on your own bed.”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “Are you inviting me to go to bed with you?”Jared’s eyes widen for a moment before he cracks out a laugh, and Jensen notices how his cheeks pink up. “Ha you wish! No but… but seriously. Call it extra hours rehab if you wish. Totally innocent!”Jensen chuckles. “I’m in.”*They stop to get some chinese food at a drive through before going over to Jared’s apartment. Jensen can tell Jared is anxious about something, but doesn’t ask. As they get out of the car and start making their way to Jared’s apartment, Jensen finally notices a change: there’s a small ramp leading to the one step Jensen always needs Jared’s help with. He looks up at Jared who’s standing next to him, an expectant smile on his face.“The fuck?”Jared shrugs. “Now you can go up on your own, Jen! Isn’t it cool?”Jensen blinks a few times, and it’s not lost on him the nickname Jared just used for him. He really likes it. “It’s the best, I can’t believe this! How did you make this?”“Let’s go inside and I’ll tell you all about it. Why don’t you try it out?”Jensen nods and easily wheels up the small ramp, feeling happy that he can finally get into Jared's apartment by himself, without needing his help. It's always a good feeling to be more independent. Jared unlocks the door and they head inside, placing the boxes of food on the coffee table. Both wash their hands and Jared grabs the drinks while Jensen gets cutlery and napkins. As they make themselves comfortable on the couch to eat Jensen asks about the ramp again, he really wants to know about it. Jared gives him an uncertain look that Jensen can’t really interpret.“Well, I didn’t make it, actually. I only got the wood and when Chad came over on Saturday I asked for his help. He’s pretty good with that, his father is a carpenter so he knows some stuff.” Jared looks down and Jensen can see as his cheeks pink up again.“Jared, what is it?”Jared looks up and bites his bottom lip. “Please, don’t be mad. I told Chad what happened to you, I wasn’t gonna get away with asking for a ramp for my front door without telling him why I needed it for. So I had to tell him you’re in a wheelchair now and come over regularly. But I swear Chad is very loyal, I made him pinky promise not to tell anyone and I know he won’t. He may be many things but he has been my good friend for ages and I know he will keep his promise. I’m sorry for telling him, though. I know you don’t want anyone to know and I broke my promise.”Jared frowns and looks down, looking like a kicked puppy who did something unforgivable. Jensen instantly feels sorry for him and leans a bit closer to place a hand on his thigh. “Jared? Hey, it’s okay. Don’t feel bad, please.” Jared looks up with his brows drawn up.“Really?”Jensen offers him a small smile. “Of course. I know you had the best of intentions, and I promise I don’t mind. If you trust Chad and say he won’t tell anyone, I believe you. I appreciate the gesture immensely, it speaks volumes and truly means a lot to me. It makes me feel more welcome in your house, like you’re making an effort for me to get here. It’s really nice to feel welcome somewhere, especially when it feels like most places aren’t really suited to have someone like me.”Jared opens up a big smile. “Of course you’re welcome here, Jen! I really like it when you come over, and even though I don’t mind giving you a hand I know you’d prefer to get in and out by yourself.”Jensen nods. “You’re right about that. Please tell Chad I really appreciate it. I’d tell him myself but… not yet. Maybe someday I’ll feel comfortable enough to meet him, if you want to introduce us eventually, that is.”“Of course, I’d love that. I love it when my friends hang out with my other friends. But please take your time. Hopefully you’ll be ready soon.”“Yeah, I hope so.” They eat mostly in silence as they watch TV, and when they’re finished Jensen turns to Jared. “So, wanna take me to bed?”Jared’s eyebrows shoot up almost to his hairline. “What?”Jensen chuckles. “The morning exercises. Remember?”Jared blinks a few times and nods. “Yea-yeah. Sure of course! Let’s go!”Jared directs Jensen to the guest bedroom and Jensen moves to the bed, which is pretty comfortable. Jared joins him on it, and Jensen has a sudden flashback to over a year ago, when they last shared a bed under very different circumstances. Jensen tries to shake it off, that is completely over now. Jensen could never give Jared something like that again, even if they wanted to. Which they do not.Jared goes into therapist mode and starts showing Jensen some exercises he can do on the bed, stretching his legs and whole body in many ways, even positioning himself on his hands and knees as he does at the clinic sometimes, pushing his body back and forth. He makes Jensen do it himself once, it drains him but Jensen likes it. It feels good to move his body like this.As Jared drives Jensen home a while later, Jensen speaks quietly as he stares at his hands on his lap. “Thank you for everything you’ve been doing for me, Jay.”He can see Jared quickly looking at him, maybe also surprised with the use of the nickname. He gives Jensen a smile. “It’s my pleasure. I like hanging out with you, you know that.”Jensen nods. “You’re the first person who I feel that connects with me, ya know? After my injury, I mean. I think I told you that already but I’m just saying it again. I’m starting to feel more comfortable now somehow. I’m just… I’m so tired of being angry all the time. I still am. Angry, sad, disappointed at myself. I know those feelings won’t go away so easily. But at the same time… I don’t know. I miss living, you know? I’m tired of just existing day by day. I miss my life. Part of me wants to take control back of what’s happening, but I don’t think I know how. I’m embarrassed of being seen by other people in a wheelchair, especially people I used to know before. But at the same time I’m tired of being cooped up inside, I’ve always loved going places. I miss that. I feel like there are many battles clashing inside me, you know? I want to do things but I’m still too worried about how other people will look at me.”They arrive at Jensen’s house and Jared cuts off the engine, turning towards Jensen and giving him his full attention. “You know… I was talking to another SCI patient the other day as I was doing rehab with him. And he said something that stuck with me. He said that when he became paralyzed and dependent on a wheelchair, he realized that from then on he would be different, yes. And people would look at him, there’s no way to avoid that. But the difference was in the way people would look at him from then on. Because that was up for him to decide. He could lower his head and make people feel sorry for the poor guy in the wheelchair. Or he could lift his chin and puff out his chest, look people in the eye. That way, nobody would dare feeling sorry for him but admire him instead.”Jensen nods as he takes it in. “I’ve seen some videos online of people who acquired a disability like me, and say that they had two choices in life as they found themselves facing adversity. They could give up or face the challenge and build something even better. I feel like I chose the first option so far. I gave up on everything, I don’t feel strong enough to embrace this and move forward with my life, make something good out of a tragedy. But now I feel like I maybe want to. I’m tired, Jay. I just don’t know how. I guess I’m too scared of the unknown. I fear not knowing what my life is gonna be like from now on. I don’t know if I have the courage to face this and build a new life for myself.”Jared opens up a smile and rubs Jensen’s arm. “Maybe with an awesome friend by your side to help you conquer the world? What do you say? I can try and help you, but only if you’re willing to try it yourself. I can only do so much. The courage has to come from you.”Jensen lets out a breath, feeling a sparkle of true hope for the first time in so long, blossoming from the center of his chest and warming up his whole body. It still feels so hard but having someone like Jared next to him makes it more bearable somehow, and for the first time Jensen feels he maybe can make it to the other side, maybe he can find that courage. Jensen can see a flicker of light amidst the darkness. Like a lighthouse in the middle of the endless ocean.“If you’re willing to put up with my high maintenance ass, then I’m in.”Jared opens up a big smile and scoops Jensen into his arms, whispering in his ear. “I’ll make sure I have the right tools, then.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Jared: Feel like taking one step further today?
Jared texts Jensen in the morning in between classes, and the answer doesn’t take too long to arrive.
Shackles: Depends on what you’re planning, then yea sure!
Jared: Just thought we could go have dinner somewhere that’s not my lame apartment for once. Since you said you miss going out. Trust me?
Shackles: Yeah I do.
Jared smiles as he reads the words.
Jared: Awesome. Do you have a disabled parking permit btw?
Shackles: Yep.
Jared: Bring it with you for rehab.
Jared just can’t wait until it’s time to meet up with Jensen. Classes pass so slowly, and then there’s basketball practice. Funny how the practices and the games were always the highlights of Jared’s day. Of course Jared still loves playing, but now there’s something else that maybe outshines that.Jared has been thinking about what Jensen said. How he misses living, even if he’s terrified of putting himself out there and fears the unknown. Jared can try to relate, it must not be easy being the center of attention like that, when you have an obvious disability. It’s almost impossible to go unnoticed. And also not knowing how your whole life will be now that you have to spend it in a wheelchair. But Jared is determined to do everything he can to make Jensen get his life back. Or even better, to create a whole new life for himself that’s happier than the previous one. Jared doesn’t know what it’s like being in a wheelchair, but he knows it’s completely possible to have a fulfilling life even with some limitations. And he will be there to make sure Jensen crawls out of the dark hole he has fallen into so he can see the light again. Jared wants to make it his mission in life.*Jensen finally arrives at the clinic and Jared greets him with a wide smile and a hand squeeze. Jared leads him to the mat table first, and Jensen doesn’t wait too long to ask.“What’s the plan for today, Jay?”Jared loves it that Jensen calls him Jay now. He stretches the right leg as he answers. “I just thought we could go grab dinner somewhere. I know you don’t want to risk being seen by people you know, so I thought we could drive to Georgetown so there’s less risk of that happening. There’s a Longhorn there, we could have a nice steak. What do you say?”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “You’re up to driving all the way to Georgetown and back after a long day of classes and work? You don’t have to do that.”Jared shrugs. “I don’t mind. It’s just so we can start slowly. How do you feel about going to a steakhouse though? It could be somewhere else if you think it’s too crowded.”Jensen considers it for a few moments. “I guess it’s okay. Like I said, I can’t hide forever. It doesn’t matter where we go, there will always be people there. I just need to start getting used to it. I think I’ll be okay.”Once the session is over both of them change into street clothes, Jensen wearing plain jeans and an olive green button down that fits his body nicely. Jared tries not to look too much. They ride to the other town, which is about forty minutes away, and it feels nice. They chat a bit, talking about random stuff and listening to music, both sharing their musical taste with the other and getting some laughs in return when they admit to liking some embarrassing things.They finally arrive at the Longhorn Steakhouse, and Jared parks right in front of it on a disabled parking spot. Jensen hangs the permit on the rearview mirror and Jared fetches his chair for him. He sees only a few cars parked, so it must not be too crowded especially since it’s a weekday. As Jensen gets settled in his chair, Jared squeezes his shoulder.“You okay?”Jensen lets out a long breath. “I think so. I hope so. Just… stay right there. Please.”Jared smiles warmly at Jensen. “Of course, dude. I won’t leave your side.”Both make their way to the entrance and are greeted by the host. Jared asks for a table for two and if it’s possible, away from too much foot traffic. She leads them to a nice table further towards the back of the restaurant, and the waiter removes one of the chairs so Jensen can park his own. The guy introduces himself and takes their orders for drinks, and as he walks away Jensen lets out a breath.“That’s one step further already, Jen! We’re in a restaurant surrounded by people, how does that feel?”Jensen purses his lips. “Weird. I feel like everyone is staring at me. I saw some people looking as I wheeled past them.”Jared takes a quick look around and focuses on Jensen again. “Look around, Jen. Nobody is paying attention to us. They may look at you for a second, but then they go back to their lives. And remember, always keep your head up. You have every right to be here, just like everyone else. You just need a ride.”Jensen checks his surroundings and then nods at Jared. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks again, Jay.”“Anytime.”They spend a while reading the menu and deciding what they want. Once the waiter brings their beverages and a basket of bread, they place their orders and hand back the menu. Jared then gathers courage to ask something that has been nagging him for a while now.“Jen, can I ask you something?”Jensen nods. “Sure.”“It’s… well, it’s kind of personal. If you don’t feel like answering please just tell me to mind my own business.”Jensen frows. “Okay?”Jared takes a deep breath preparing to hear the answer to his question, he’s not sure if he wants to for some reason but he needs to know.“Where’s your girlfriend? From what I remember you and Danneel were attached at the hip and I haven’t seen her since we met up again.”Jensen flinches slightly, then he looks down and grabs a slice of bread, playing with it for a few moments as he purses his lips.“We’re not together anymore.”“Oh,” Jared says, trying not to get too excited about this information. He doesn’t want to ask for more details since it’s apparently a sore subject for Jensen, but he provides it anyway.“She hm… she kinda broke up with me when she came to visit me in the hospital, a few days after I got out of the coma.”Jared’s eyes widen. “Are you serious? Wait a second, she broke up with you right after you learned you were paralyzed?”“Of course she did. Why would she want to be stuck with a crippled boyfriend?”Jared shakes his head, still looking at Jensen with big eyes. “Did she actually say to you that she was breaking up because of your injury?”Jensen nods. “Not with those exact words but yeah, she said it was just too much for her.”Jared’s jaw drops, he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Jensen, she left you during the most difficult moment in your life! When you needed her by your side the most! That’s not fair.”Jensen scoffs. “Come on, Jared. I doubt you would have wanted to be stuck with a boyfriend who had just become paraplegic and suddenly a huge burden to deal with. I get why she did it, I would have broken up with her if she hadn’t done it first.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “Would you have done it? In a reversed situation, I mean. If your significant other, a person you truly cared about, had a life changing injury and needed your support? Would you drop them just like that?”Jensen looks straight at Jared and shakes his head, frowning as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Well, I mean… If it was someone I truly loved, I’d never do that. I’d stick by their side through it all.”Jared gives him a pointed look. “See? And yes, if it was someone I really loved of fucking course I’d have stood by that person’s side too. It would be when he would need me the most, ever. And if you truly love someone, you’re gonna be there for them no matter what, even if life throws a curveball at them. A wheelchair wouldn’t change anything. It shouldn’t, at least. Even though you say you’re a different person now, on another level you’re still you. And that’s what should matter the most.”Jensen shrugs and focuses on his bread again. “Yeah, well. I guess she really wasn’t the one, then.”A flash of something passes in Jared’s mind but it’s gone in a second. He doesn’t say anything further since their food arrives and the conversation drops in favor of them trying the delicious steaks.*After finishing their meal, both share a molten lava cake for dessert that is very delicious. Jared covers the tab and they leave the restaurant and get settled in the car, then Jared turns to Jensen.“So? What’s the verdict?”Jensen gives him a small smile. “It was good. I’m still feeling too weird among other people, but I want to try and get past it. Like you said, I have the right to exist in the world as well.”Jared smiles back and turns on the engine. “Damn right you do.”
Jensen
Jensen is again anxious to go to his rehab session and see Jared. He can’t stop thinking about their outing, Jared taking him to the restaurant. It was terrifying being surrounded by people, Jensen hates being the center of attention like this, but at the same time it felt so good to just be somewhere normal. Jensen misses this, he misses being normal. Not that he will ever be normal again. He wishes with every fiber of his being, every moment of his day that he could be normal again, that he could get up and walk. More often than not that’s the only thought in his mind, it consumes him. He feels suffocated in the wheelchair, confined. But he does miss doing things, stuff that everyone does. Basic stuff. He misses things that most people don’t give a second thought, Jensen himself never did. He misses the ordinary. And Jared gave Jensen a little taste of that, simply going out to have a steak at a restaurant. Sounds like something so trivial, but to Jensen it’s everything.When he gets to the clinic, Jared welcomes him with an excited smile. “Hey Jen! Feel like taking some steps today?”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “What?”“Your braces are ready! I was so anxious to tell you, I even thought about messaging you but then I wanted to tell you in person. Are you excited?”Jared’s own excitement is contagious, and Jensen can’t help but feel it too. He nods and Jared lets him know they need to exercise his body a bit first, and that’s what they do. Then Jared takes Jensen to the parallel bars and fetches said braces.“I know they look weird,” Jared says as he sits down on a chair in front of Jensen, showing him the braces. “But they’ll strap around your whole legs and lock your knees in place so they won’t buckle. I’ll walk you through it. Literally.”Jared then proceeds to strap the braces over Jensen’s pants and socks. It makes Jensen feel like a robot. Then Jared makes Jensen wheel up to the start of the parallel bars, and explains to him how it works. He’s holding a strap in his hands that looks like a belt somehow but much wider. “I’m gonna put this under your butt and use it to pull you up. Then I’ll hold this in place as I guide you down the bars. Soon you hopefully won’t need this anymore, it’s just so you feel more secure. We’re gonna lock the mechanism on your knees so that once you’re up, it will stay in place holding your legs in a straight position. Only when you sit down again and take the weight off the brace, will the thing unlock. You’re gonna use your hips just like you do when you’re on your knees, throw your right hip forward, then your left, and of course you’ll hold on to the bars and use the strength from your arms to move forward too. Ready?”Jensen swallows down, it sounds terrifying. But Jared’s smile encourages him, and he knows there’s no way he will fall, Jared won’t let him. So he nods. He uses his hands on his wheels to move his butt up so Jared can place the belt under it, then Jared positions Jensen’s feet on the floor and flips something on Jensen’s upper thighs, explaining it’s the locking mechanism.“Okay now, hold onto the bars and push yourself up, I’ll help you with the belt. Ready? One, two, three.”Jensen uses his arms and slowly pulls his body to a standing position, Jared pulling the belt up and holding it in place. Instantly Jensen feels uneasy with the sudden change of height, and Jared patiently waits until he’s good to go. Jensen finally nods and looks at Jared.“Feels good to be at your eye level.”Jared smiles. “Not really, though. You’re still four inches shorter than me, midget.”Jensen chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Are you ever gonna let me forget that?”“Never. Now come on. Move your right hip so your leg will come forward. Are you ready to take your first step?”Jensen takes a deep breath and without taking his eyes off Jared, does the movement with his hip while pulling himself forward using his hands on the bars. His body moves a few inches, like a step. “Wow.”Jared smiles wider. “Cool, huh?”“It’s still weird but it’s a step. Damn it has been a while.”Jared nods. “I bet. Now come on, more steps! I got ya.”With Jared’s help and encouragement, Jensen manages to walk down to the end of the bars. It’s exhausting, the effort draining his body completely. Jensen never thought walking a few feet would take so much from him.“I think I’m done,” he confesses but Jared shakes his head.“Nope, you need to go back where you came from.”Jensen lifts his eyebrow. “Are you crazy? I’m exhausted, this was just my first time, can’t you cut me some slack??”Jared shrugs and gives Jensen a pointed look. “Cutting slacks isn’t in my job description. Your wheelchair is at the other end of the bars, I ain’t getting it for you and I forbade anyone else to do it too. Unless you want to crawl your way back, I suggest you just turn around and move those hips, mister.”Jensen rolls his eyes at Jared but secretly really loves his attitude even if he’s so tired. “God I hate you so much.”“Nah, you love me. Now come on, chop chop! No pain no gain!” Jared makes a circling motion with his index finger for emphasis.Jensen doesn’t answer but allows Jared to maneuver him so he’s facing the bars again. It takes longer since Jensen is tired and hurting, but he wants to do it. If not for himself, for the faith that Jared has in him, he won’t let Jared down. His arms shake and drops of sweat trail down his face, but he keeps his gaze on Jared who guides him all the way, and he finally reaches the start point again.“Oh God,” he breathes out, and Jared does a little jump.“See? How awesome was that Jen?? You just took your first walk, that’s so freaking cool!”Jensen can’t help but smile at Jared, dropping his head on his shoulder as his friend wraps his arms around him. Feels damn good to hug Jared like this, standing up, a full body hug. Jensen holds Jared back, feeling secure enough to lift his hands from the bars since Jared has a strong hold on him, and he realizes at that moment he really missed hugging people like this. Not that he hugged a lot before his injury. Maybe that’s why he misses it even more, touches like this are even more rare when you’re in a wheelchair, so Jensen finds himself craving it now.Once Jared pulls away he maneuvers Jensen again so he can sit back in the chair, and unstraps the braces from his legs.“We should totally get burgers today from a drive thru to celebrate your walk when we go to my apartment!”*Since Jensen’s life is a rollercoaster now, things take a dive a couple of days later. As he arrives home after the rehab session and dinner at Jared’s apartment, his father is waiting for him with a sour expression on his face. Jensen’s good mood instantly drops.“What did I do now?” Jensen asks as he looks up at his father, his hands gripping the rims of his wheels.“Where were you, Jensen?” Jensen notices his father looking behind him, his lips drawn on a tight line, and Jensen turns his face around. He notices some wheel stains on the floor, since it’s raining lightly and the ground was a bit muddy. He faces forward again and foregoes that for now.“At rehab. You know, that thing people with spinal injuries have to do regularly.”“I know that. But you’re constantly getting home much later than you used to, I know your sessions end much sooner.”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “Dad, I’m not a teenager. I can stay out of the house alright? Or do I have a curfew again because I’m in this wheelchair?”“This is not a hotel Jensen, where you can come and go whenever you please. Care to tell me at least what you’re up to?”Jensen lets out a breath. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m hanging out with Jared. He’s my physical therapist and also my friend. We often hang out in his apartment after sessions.”Alan’s eyes go wide. “And how close are you to this Jared, if I may ask? Is he your… boyfriend, or something?”Jensen chuckles. “No, he isn’t. But if by any chance Jared was my boyfriend, so what??”Alan scoffs. “Are you kidding me right now Jensen? Not only you’re a–”Alan cuts himself off mid sentence, but Jensen knows exactly what he was going to say, and he makes a hand gesture to his father. “Come on, dad. Finish your sentence. Not only I’m a cripple now, I’m also a fag? That what you were going to say? I can only imagine your disappointment with having a double freak for a son, huh?”Alan purses his lips and doesn’t answer, but Jensen can tell that’s exactly what he’s thinking. “I’m just trying to figure it out. As far as I remember, you had a girlfriend.”Jensen nods. “Yes. A girlfriend who loved me so much she dumped me two seconds after learning I was paralyzed.”Alan licks his bottom lip. “Well, if you–” He stops what he’s saying and focuses on Jensen’s legs, who notices they’re jiggling. It has happened more now that he’s using the braces at the sessions, and Jared said it could be normal. “Can you stop doing that?”Jensen looks at Alan with his brows raised. “Holy shit dad, I can’t help it! You know I don’t control the spasms, it’s my body doing it involuntarily!”“Well, didn’t the doctor give you pills for that? It’s unnerving.”Jensen chuckles, and it’s completely humorless. He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, feeling incredibly tired. “God, I can’t do it anymore! Everything I do annoys you, my body can’t even have normal reactions for a SCI. I can’t even come and go whenever I feel like it!”“Well, as far as I remember this is still my house, Jensen. And there are rules here. It’s not our fault that you got yourself in that damn car crash and now everyone else has to deal with it!”Jensen’s jaw drops as he hears the harsh words from his father. At that moment, Jensen’s mother walks into the living room. “What’s happening here?”Jensen turns to his mom. “I’m just leaving this house mom. I can’t deal with shit this anymore.”Alan snorts. “And where the hell are you going, if I may ask?”“I have no idea, but even sleeping under a bridge is better than staying here. I can’t stay in a place where my mere existence, especially as a disabled person, annoys you so much. I can’t even exist properly here, I can’t leave smudges on the floor and my legs can’t even move as they want to. As you said yourself, I’m a double freak dad. I’ve become a burden to you. I’m so sorry for being a source of constant disappointment to you, and not turning the way you expected me to. I’ll lose the last bit of mental health I still have left if I stay here. I can’t do it anymore.”Jensen spins around and his mom calls out to him. “Baby please don’t go! Let’s talk some more, I don’t want you to leave this house!”Jensen turns halfway around. “You should have stood up for me more then, mom. I’m just done, I’m out of here before I do something stupid again.”With that Jensen leaves the house, slamming the door on his way out. He can’t think straight, his mind is spinning, and he can only think of one thing to do: go to Jared’s and just hope his friend can take him in for now. Jensen has never gone to Jared’s house in his chair, but he knows the way and that it’s not that far. It’s still lightly raining but Jensen can’t even care. He makes an herculean effort to wheel himself the whole mile up to Jared’s house, swallowing down the tears that threaten to come up and trying to forget how much his shoulders hurt from pushing himself. His father’s words keep replaying in his mind, and Jensen feels even more like shit since they cut deep.Jensen finally makes it to Jared’s house, all soaked wet from the rain, hoping Jared won’t send him away as well. He wheels up the small ramp, thankful that Jared put it there, and rings the doorbell.
Jared
Jared has just taken a quick shower and changed into sweatpants and a light t-shirt after having dropped Jensen off at his house, thinking about getting comfortable on the couch to watch a game, when the doorbell rings. He frowns, not really expecting anyone, and walks barefoot to the door, opening it.His eyes widen as he realizes it’s Jensen at his doorstep, he’s wet and looking exhausted, his eyes bloodshot.“Holy shit Jensen, what happened?”Jensen swallows hard. “Can your apartment by any chance accommodate a wheelchair? Oh and the guy in it too?”
Jared blinks a few times trying to get out of his stupor and finally nods, opening the door wide. “Oh my God, of course! Come on in!”Jensen wheels inside and he’s not even a few feet in when he suddenly turns around, a look of horror on his face as he takes in the state of the floor. He turns back to Jared and gives him a pleading look. “I’m so sorry, my wheels are dirty from the rain and I just got your floor smudged, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry!”Jared is suddenly in shock, not really understanding why Jensen is so desperate because of some smudges. He kneels down in front of Jensen and grabs his biceps. “Jen, it’s okay!”Jensen shakes his head. “Just please, grab something so I can clean the floor with, I can clean it.”“Are you insane? You don’t need to do that!” Jensen can’t respond and Jared squeezes his arm, his heart pounding in his chest. “Jen stop it, you’re scaring me!”Jensen’s shoulders drop. “I don’t want you to be mad because the floor is dirty.”Jared purses his lips as he looks up at Jensen. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Jared goes to the kitchen for a moment and grabs a rag and a bottle of cleaning product. As he comes back Jensen tries to reach for them but Jared just shakes his head. Instead he quickly cleans the floor and also scrubs the rag over Jensen’s wheels, making him go forward and backwards to catch everything.“See? It’s all clean now, piece of cake. It’s no big deal, Jen.”Jensen nods, looking defeated. “Thank you.”Jared sets the items aside and kneels beside Jensen again. “You need to change your clothes and get dry, Jen. You’re freezing.”Jensen lifts his head to look at Jared. “I need to tell you what happened, why I asked for shelter here. You deserve an explanation.”Jared rubs a hand over Jensen’s bicep. “Later, okay? First things first. Want to take a hot shower? My bathroom isn’t equipped but I think we can improvise. There’s a plastic chair out in the balcony that you could use. And I can help you get in and out if you need it. What do you say?”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. I didn’t even bring clothes though. I only have my jeans and t-shirt I wore to go to rehab today, in my backpack. I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry, I know you must be tired from a long day and now you have to deal with me again. But I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”Jared does an even more intimate gesture and cups Jensen’s face with a hand. “Jen, it’s fine. I’m glad you thought about coming here. I’ll happily help you, always. You should have called me instead of wheeling all the way here in the rain, though. I would have come back to get you.”Jensen shrugs. “Wasn't thinking. Just wanted to get out of there.”Jared stands up and squeezes Jensen's shoulder. “It's okay. What matters is that you’re here. Now come on, let’s get you in the shower.”Jared takes the backpack off Jensen’s chair and throws it next to the couch on the floor since it’s wet too, then sends Jensen to the bathroom and goes fetch the plastic chair. He’s glad the bathroom door is wide enough for Jensen to wheel through it, and can even move around a bit inside. Jared places the chair inside the tub and goes to grab some towels, which he places on the closed toilet seat.“Jen, do you need help getting in the tub?”Jensen eyes the ledge of the tub and the chair. “I think I got it. The ledge is wide enough for me to sit on so I can get to the chair.”Jared nods. “Okay. But I’ll leave the door ajar so you can call me if you need help okay? I’ll get you some comfortable clothes.”Jensen nods and Jared leaves him for a moment. Jared arrives in his bedroom and takes a deep breath. He knows he will have to take over again, Jensen is clearly having a crisis for some reason. Jared can’t even understand what happened, he had just dropped Jensen off and he was doing fine. What could have possibly happened in five minutes?Jared decides to focus on that later, and tries to find clothes for Jensen. He grabs a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt, they will be a bit big on Jensen but he hopes it’s okay. He gets some warm socks as well. Jared supposes Jensen has clean underwear in his backpack for escape emergencies, so he goes to the living room where he left it and rummages inside. He knows he shouldn’t be looking at Jensen’s things like that but it’s a special situation. Jared also finds the hoodie he gave Jensen, loving how Jensen carries it around. He takes everything to the bathroom and peeks inside, finding the shower curtain closed and Jensen’s silhouette behind it.“Jen, I’ll leave the clothes on the sink, alright? You doing okay in there?”“Yeah, I’m fine.”“Call me if you need anything.”Jared leaves the door ajar again and goes to the kitchen. He lets out another breath and thinks about what to do. He assumes Jensen needs some comfort, so Jared will try to provide that. He grabs two mugs, milk, hot cocoa powder and mini marshmallows. He hears how Jensen turns off the shower and starts preparing the mugs of hot chocolate for them. He also grabs a pack of cookies and takes everything to the living room. A while later Jensen wheels out of the bathroom, Jared’s clothes look indeed big on him but Jared likes it, especially the hoodie. Jared loves Jensen in a hoodie. His hair is damp and his cheeks are flushed, and Jensen looks embarrassed as he sees Jared, who goes for a light tone.“You up to some hot chocolate and cookies?”Jensen eyes the mugs and the cookies on the coffee table, and Jared watches as Jensen’s expression softens, his eyes shining. “Yes, please.”Jensen transfers to the couch and Jared sits close to him. He hands Jensen a mug and places the pack of cookies between them, turning on the TV on an episode of Love it or List it Vancouver. They drink in silence for a while, Jensen with both hands wrapped around the warm mug and his eyes fixed on the TV. Eventually Jared sets his mug down.“Wanna talk about it?”Jensen lets out a breath and nods, lowering the mug but keeping his hold on it as it rests on his lap.“I had another argument with my father. He started demanding to know why I’m arriving home later now, like I’m twelve years old or something.”“Maybe he’s just worried now that you’re in the wheelchair?” Jared tries, but Jensen shakes his head.“No, it’s not that. I’d understand if that was the case, but I told you already Jared. My dad doesn’t like me for some reason. He already had a problem with me before, and after my injury it just escalated. Everything I do is wrong for him, I can see the displeasure on his face when he looks at me. Like it’s a personal affront to him that I got myself in a wheelchair and probably ruined the image of his perfect family.”“Damn, Jensen.”“He’s always pissed when I leave smudges on the floor because of my wheels. It’s why I freaked out when I saw what I did to your floor because of the rain. Today he even complained about my spasms, asking if I could make it stop like I was doing it on purpose to annoy him or something. More than once he threw in my face that the accident and my current situation are my own fault. That I was irresponsible. Even the fact that my car was totaled pisses him off. Today he said that it’s not their fault that I got involved in a car crash and now everyone has to deal with it.”Jared takes in a sharp breath, not quite believing what he’s hearing. “Jensen, I cannot believe your father says those things to you. That’s absurd!”Jensen shrugs and Jared sees how his eyes fill with tears. “Yeah, I mean… I know he’s right. But what can I even do about it? I wish I could change things more than anyone, but I can’t, I can’t just decide to get up from my chair! It’s like everything I do is wrong, you know? He even said that I should have made more progress at rehab by now. Like I’m being lazy and not making any effort to walk again, as if it was so easy. Like I’m using a wheelchair because I want to. I fear even breathing the wrong way and getting scolded by him. I feel even more like crap with the way he always treats me, like I got myself paralyzed with the single purpose of annoying him. I just…” Jensen makes a pause and looks up, blinking away a few tears. “I wish I could do something right so my father wouldn’t look at me with such disappointment, you know? God I feel so worthless sometimes.”Jensen’s words cut a hole through Jared’s heart, that’s just fucked up. No father should treat their child like that, especially if said child has been facing such a life changing situation. He’s only making it worse for Jensen.Jared scoots closer to Jensen and places a hand on his shoulder. “Jen, look. I can’t say much to excuse your father or try to make you feel better in that area. He’s an asshole and you should just stay away from him. Sometimes family isn’t the best option. But I can tell you this. First of all, I want to make it very clear to you that wheel smudges are welcome in this house. You don’t need to freak out over them. That’s what cleaning products are for. And more importantly, you need to stop worrying so much about things you can’t control. You use a wheelchair to get around, it’s normal that your wheels will get the floor dirty. You can’t take them off when you enter a house as you would take off your shoes. We just clean the smudges and the floor will be as good as new. It’s just a floor. And spasms are something normal in a body with a SCI. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, your body is allowed to move the way it wants to move. And nobody gets to tell you how your body can react or not. This is a clear boundary you need to set.”Jared makes a pause and Jensen just looks at him, many emotions passing behind his eyes. Jared keeps talking, giving Jensen an intense look.“What I’d really like for you to start trying to understand Jen, is that your paraplegia it’s not your fault. Your father is so goddamn wrong in blaming you for that.”Jensen shakes his head, a tear making its way down his cheek. “Yes it’s my fault, Jared. I got drunk and behind the wheel, you know that. Everything that I’m going through is my own damn fault.”Jared shakes his own head harder. “No. You made a mistake, that’s all. We all make dumb mistakes in life, the difference is that yours had bigger consequences unfortunately. You didn’t choose to become paraplegic, Jensen. It’s something out of your control, and it’s not your fault, in the slightest. Like you said, you can’t just choose to get up and walk. You need to understand this difference. And you can’t let your father make you believe this.”Jensen lowers his head. “I had never seen it this way.”“I know. That’s why I’m here. To try and help you see at least a bit of the light.”Jensen nods and lifts his head again. “I’ll try to believe more in that. It’s hard, but I’ll try. For now… do you think I could maybe stay here for a little while? Until I figure out what I’m gonna do. I don’t want to go back to that house. I don’t feel welcome there, you know? Ever since I got discharged from rehab and had to go back to living with them. It feels like a nightmare, on top of the personal one I’ve been living.”Jared frowns. “Why didn’t you go to your brother’s house? When you left rehab, I mean. Or moved back in with Chris and Steve? You used to share an apartment with them, didn’t you?”Jensen shrugs. “My brother lives in a small apartment with his fianceé. I wouldn’t want to bother them, especially since they’re starting their life together and planning their wedding. And the apartment I used to share with Chris and Steve has a number of steps in front of it, plus it was a small cluttered thing with an even smaller bathroom. Definitely not wheelchair accessible. I couldn’t live there and wouldn’t make them move somewhere else because of me. My only option was to go live in my parent’s house. But it doesn’t feel like my home, you know? Like I said I didn’t get along with my dad even before the accident, and now it got even worse. But I don’t have much choice. It’s not like I can go live anywhere I want, especially now that I’m still trying to find my… well, not my footing anymore. My wheels, I don’t know.” Jensen lets out a breath. “I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere anymore. It’s like I’d be a burden anywhere I went. I feel like one right now at my parents’ house. I just don’t belong anywhere, it’s why I feel even more despair with being in a wheelchair. Like I have nowhere to go and I can’t do anything to change my current situation whatsoever. Makes me feel even more claustrophobic.”Jared looks at Jensen for a few moments, taking it all in. The solution is pretty easy, something he has wanted for a while actually.“You could fit in here,” he offers in a quiet tone. “You definitely wouldn’t be a burden to me, I promise.”Jensen frowns. “What are you suggesting, Jay?”Jared scrunches up his nose. “That you come live here with me? I have a spare bedroom and I could definitely use a roommate.”Jensen’s jaw drops. “But… are you serious?”“Well, yeah. I mean, I know it wouldn’t be as comfortable to you as your own house is, which is probably all adapted, but still.”Jensen shakes his head. “But Jay… It’s not that simple for me to be your roommate, my condition requires more than just a spare bedroom. I’m not saying I don’t want it. Far from it. I’d love to come live with you, I’m just saying that I’m high maintenance as you know. I don’t want to be… well.”“A burden?” Jared offers, and Jensen nods.“Yeah, actually. I don’t want to disturb your house and routine with my needs.”“You would never be a burden here, Jen. Like I told you before, you must stop worrying about things that are out of your control and not your fault. We can make adaptations for you here. We can get a shower chair, even suction bars for the bathroom since we probably shouldn’t make holes on the walls because I rent this place. And whatever else you need, we can think of ways to adapt. If you don’t mind living in a much smaller place, I’d love to have you here with me.”Jensen looks at Jared with a frown, and he looks so hopeful that it breaks Jared’s heart a little to think about everything Jensen has been going through in his house. “You really mean that? Can I come live here with you for real?”Jared opens up a smile and nods. “I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I was already thinking about it but wasn’t sure how to ask you. I’d love for you to be my roommate. To answer your previous question, I promise you that my apartment can accommodate a wheelchair. The guy in it too, by the way. It may not be the most adapted place in the world to you, but you would be very welcome here.”Jensen finally smiles and Jared watches as he visibly relaxes, as if a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Jensen uses his arms so he can scoot closer to Jared, and wraps his arms around him.“Thank you, Jay. That means so much to me.”Jared holds Jensen tighter. “Welcome home, roomie!” He suddenly thinks of something and pulls away from Jensen abruptly, so he can look at his friend. “Oh my God, Jen! This will be The J-Squared Apartment! Do you love it or do you love it?”Jensen chuckles and nods. “It’s the best name ever. I love it very much.”*They watch TV for a little while in silence, then Jensen’s phone rings in his backpack. He fetches it and tells Jared it’s his mom calling.“Should I answer it?” He asks Jared, who nods.“Yeah, I guess so. She must be worried about you, Jen.”“Dunno if I want to talk to her.”“Just put her at ease, Jen. I know you said she hasn’t really defended you but she’s your mother. And you left your house with barely any of your stuff, under the rain, in a wheelchair and not saying where you were going. I know she must be worried, just tell her you’re here safe and sound.”Jensen nods and answers the call, and Jared hears the one-sided conversation. Jensen explains to his mom he’s gonna live with his friend Jared from now on - which makes Jared so happy - and he will be by to get his stuff soon. Jared can guess that she tries to convince Jensen to go back, since he adamantly says he won’t go back to a house where he’s not respected, nor is his disability. Jared is proud of him.Later they decide to go to bed since it has been a very long day. Jared goes to the guest bedroom to prepare it so Jensen can use it. He grabs fresh linen, his spare comforter, and all his spare pillows. Jensen helps him make the bed and get everything settled, then Jared sits down on the freshly made bed.“I hope the bed is comfortable for you. If not, we can see about getting a new mattress.”Jensen smiles. “I’m sure it will be fine, Jay. Again, thank you so much for everything. I don’t even have words.”Jared smiles back. “It’s my pleasure, Jen. I really like having you here as my roommate. It’s going to be super fun! By the way, I was thinking. Tomorrow morning we should go out to buy some stuff you’re gonna need like the shower chair and stuff.”Jensen frowns. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow morning?”Jared shrugs. “I do, but skipping classes for one day won’t kill me.” Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but Jared holds up a hand. “It’s okay, Jen. I promise. I want to do it.”“Okay then. Thanks again. Now, you should hit the bathroom first before I go, since I’ll take longer in it. You’re gonna need to get used to sharing the bathroom with a paraplegic by the way, it’s kind of a hassle since us folks tend to take up some time in it.”Jensen gives him an apologetic look, and Jared brushes him off. “We can work out a schedule, it will be fine.” Jared gets up and goes to the bathroom for his nightly routine, then lets Jensen know he’s done. “Good night, Jen. I’ll be in my bedroom if there’s anything you need help with. If you need a clean toothbrush, there’s one in the first drawer of the cabinet under the sink.”Jensen smiles as he wheels to the bathroom. “Thanks Jay. Good night.”Jared sleeps much happier that night knowing that Jensen is just next door and they will live together now. It surprises even Jared to realize how much he actually loves this new arrangement.*Jared wakes up next morning and stretches himself a bit in bed. It takes him a few moments to remember that Jensen is in the apartment too, and that brings a smile to his face. Jared gets up from the bed and when he opens his bedroom door, he’s assaulted with an amazing scent of coffee. He notices how Jensen’s door is opened already, and he smiles. After a quick trip to the bathroom he walks to the living room finding Jensen setting the table with delicious things.“Oh my God!” He exclaims as he comes closer, noticing how there are pancakes, scrambled eggs, hash browns, slices of bacon, a pot of coffee, cream and a bottle of syrup. Jensen also arranged the plates, mugs and cutlery.“Morning Jay!” Jensen says with a smile.“Morning, Jen. Holy shit, did you make all of this? Where the fuck did you even get bacon and potatoes? I thought I didn’t have any?”Jensen chuckles and shakes his head, pointing to a few paper bags in the trash. “Hell no. I’m not that much of a good cook, especially in the chair now. I ordered breakfast from IHOP, even managed to meet the delivery guy and everything.”Jared frowns. “But why did you do all of that?”Jensen shrugs. “As a thank you for last night, for welcoming me here in your place. I slept better than I have in a long time, knowing I’m somewhere I’m respected for who I am. So I wanted to do something nice. I’d love to have prepared everything myself but ordering was the best option. Do you like it?”Jared nods and sits down. “Oh my God, I love it! You’re gonna spoil me too much if you keep up with that!” Jared’s stomach grumbles and Jensen laughs out loud.“Oh let’s make sure the big boy is well fed then!”They eat in companionable silence, Jared complimenting Jensen’s food ordering skills, and also the coffee that he prepared. Once they’re done eating, both clean up the table and get ready to go out. Jared drives first to a medical supply store, so they can get a nice shower chair and some bars for the walls. There’s a bathtub bench that seems perfect, since part of it sticks out to the side of the tub, making the transfer much easier and safer since Jensen wouldn’t even need to sit on the ledge of the tub. Jensen tries to protest that it would take up too much space in the bathroom, but Jared just brushes him off. The thing is even retractable so it won’t be a problem. They choose some suction bars as well, both for the tub and the toilet seat. Jensen also picks up a waterproof bed pad so he can put it on the mattress, just in case he has some accidents during the night. Jared tries to offer to pay for all of that but Jensen refuses, using his own credit card to cover for everything. They manage to stow everything in the trunk and then Jared drives to Ikea. He had suggested to Jensen they get a small dresser for his room so it will be easier for him to access his clothes, since there are some high shelves in the closet. They also get a couple more pillows and bed sets, since Jared only has two. They somehow manage to squeeze all of that in Jared’s car, even with Jensen’s chair, and drive home to unload everything. Jensen helps carry the lighter stuff on his lap while Jared grabs the heavy boxes.Once that’s done, Jared takes Jensen to his parent’s house so they can get all of his stuff. Jared had offered to go by himself, but Jensen said he wanted to face the music and go too.“I hope my father isn’t there, I’m not in the mood to deal with him.”Jared offers him a small smile as he drives to the house. “If he is, we’ll deal with him together.”Jared parks the car and Jensen leads the way once he’s in his chair. He unlocks the door and his mother comes to greet him.“Jensen dear! So glad you came back!”Jensen allows for his mother to hug him but gently pushes her away. “I’m just here to grab my stuff, mom. I’m not staying. This is Jared, by the way. He’s my friend. I’m gonna live with him from now on.”Donna makes a face. “But dear… we even renovated the house to welcome you here!”“Yeah, sorry about the hassle. But since dad has a serious problem with me here, I’ll just go. Jared was kind enough to offer his spare room, I’ll be just fine. Now I’ll go with Jared to pack my stuff.”Jensen directs Jared to the bedroom he had been using. “Let’s just get this over with quickly. I don’t want to be here anymore.”“Sure thing,” Jared says, and they get to work. Jared starts packing Jensen’s clothes in a few suitcases, while Jensen goes to his bathroom to grab his supplies and toiletries. Then Jensen comes back to get the rest of his stuff like a tablet, a laptop and so on. Once everything is packed they manage to carry everything outside, Jensen pushing a suitcase in front of his chair. He says goodbye to his mother as they pass by the living room, she makes him promise to call and visit. Jensen says he will do the best he can to try and visit her.As they are loading Jared’s car, of course Jensen’s father pulls up next to it. He steps out and eyes the scene in front of him with disdain.“What’s happening here?”Jensen rolls his eyes. “I’m moving out, isn’t this obvious? I just came to grab my stuff. I’m guessing I’m allowed to at least get my belongings.”Alan lifts an eyebrow. “And where are you going, if I may ask?”Jared takes one step forward, placing himself between Alan and Jensen. “He’s gonna live with me, sir.”Alan gives Jared a once over. “And who the hell are you?”“I’m Jared. Jensen’s friend and now roommate too.”“Oh and you’re telling me that living with you, Jensen will have a better structure for his… situation than in here where things have been renovated? You look like a college kid.”Jared shakes his head, not quite believing the nerve of this man. Jensen wasn’t kidding. “He may not have the best structure there, I agree. Yeah, I am a college kid and I live in a small apartment, and I can’t offer the best adaptations for Jensen’s needs. But I can assure you that I will offer him a safe place. A place where he can be himself freely, especially with his disability. A place where he will never have to feel ashamed for being who he is, most of all for things that aren’t his fault, like the fact that he’s in a wheelchair.” Alan opens his mouth, most likely to point out that Jensen’s accident was his fault indeed, but Jared doesn’t let him. “You should be ashamed for treating your son like this, Mr. Ackles. Jensen is an incredible guy and he doesn’t deserve this crap only because he made a mistake. He’s your son and you should have offered him the support he needs during this hard period of his life. Every parent should do that. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure Jensen has a home now. Like I said, it may not be a big equipped house like this one. It will be a home, though. A home for him to feel loved and most importantly, respected. And I’ll do my best to adapt everything I can in there to make his life as easy as possible. Now if you will excuse us, we need to take Jensen’s stuff to his new place and then go to rehab. Take care.”With that Jared turns around, closing the trunk and motioning for Jensen to get in the car. Jensen looks at his father for a few moments, a hard expression on his face. “By the way I spent last night well after I left here in the rain, thanks for asking if I was alright.” Then Jensen does as Jared asked and gets into the car. After stowing Jensen’s chair, Jared pulls out of the driveway and heads back to the apartment. Jensen finally turns to him.“I can’t believe you said all of that to my father, Jay.”Jared shrugs. “I’m sorry I was so harsh on him, but I couldn’t help it after all of the things you told me and the nerve the man has.”Jensen smiles. “I really appreciate it, Jay. I wouldn’t ever be able to say it better myself. You stood up for me and said all of the things that I wish I would. Thanks a lot for that.”Jared smiles back. “Well, he deserved it. And it’s true. I may not be able to offer you much in my apartment, but I can assure you’ll be respected there.”Jensen nods. “I don’t need a lot, Jay. Of course, I do need the basic adaptations so I can function on a daily basis independently, but you’re giving me what I need the most. A place to feel safe and respected, where I can be myself without feeling ashamed of my new condition as a wheelchair user. That’s the most important thing I need right now.”Jared wiggles his eyebrows. “Ready to get to your new home then?”Jensen lets out a breath. “More than anything.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
They arrive back at Jared’s apartment - actually, their apartment now - and Jensen feels a spark of happiness that he hasn’t felt in so long. He can’t believe he’s out of that house with his father putting him down all the time and gets to share an apartment with Jared now. It’s still surreal for Jensen to grasp the fact that Jared is the one person now who has become his anchor. He tries to think about their weird relationship before the accident, and it’s even hard to remember. So much has changed, it’s like they’re truly different people now. Jensen owes Jared so damn much, and now for standing up for him against his father. Jensen’s heart almost burst with love when he heard Jared saying all those things to his father. He can never thank Jared enough.They unload everything they brought, Jensen helping as much as he can to carry the suitcases inside as Jared takes them out of the trunk. They bring everything to Jensen’s bedroom (he also loves how it’s his bedroom now) and Jared turns to him.“Jen, what do you wanna do now? I wish I could spend the afternoon helping you unpack, but I need to be at the clinic in a few to start my shift. Do you want to stay and start organizing everything? Or do you want to go with me and hang out at the clinic while you wait for your session? I mean, you wouldn’t be able to put everything away since we still need to assemble the dresser. And if you want to go to the clinic, you can spend some time working out at the gym or even try to talk to one of the therapists there. Remember how I said you should start getting some counseling?”Jensen considers it and decides to just go with Jared, he’s right. There’s not much he can do since the dresser isn’t assembled yet, and he can’t even start doing that without Jared’s help. And it’s a good opportunity to start counseling indeed, since he has been putting it off. So about half an hour later both are back in the car and heading to the clinic. Jensen decides to open up with Jared about another subject since he trusts his friend.“I need to figure out what I’m going to do moneywise.”Jared gives him a quick look. “Yeah? How come?”“Well, I mean. I do have some money left. I used to have a paycheck when I worked for my father, which I don’t anymore. But I saved some, and I still have a few bucks in the bank. I also have a trust fund from my grandparents, I don’t like to use it much though, I wish I could save it for my future because we never know. Especially now that I’m disabled. But the money that I have other than that won’t last forever. I also don’t know if my father will keep paying for my rehab and insurance now that I’m not living there anymore. He also loved to brag that he was the one paying for that. If he doesn’t, I’ll have to use my trust fund. And also, I need to split the bills with you now, rent, food, utilities and stuff.”“Jen, you don’t need to worry about that for now. I can get us covered for a while until you figure everything out. I also have some money since my folks don’t have to pay for my tuition because I got a full ride. It’s not a fortune but it can get us by.”Jensen smiles at Jared, loving to learn even more how generous his friend is. “Thank you Jay. So much. But I do want to help financially, it’s not fair that you cover everything especially since the bills will be higher now with two people living in the apartment. I just need to figure everything out. I wish I could get a job so I could have an income, but I have no idea what I could do, especially from a wheelchair.”“Your father should give you some money, you’re one of the heirs of his company.”Jensen shakes his head. “I don’t want his money. It would give him even more leverage over me. To be honest I wish he didn’t have to pay for my rehab and insurance even, but I can’t do it without his help since everything is expensive. There’s also the extra expenses that my disability brings me all the time with medicine, catheters, equipment, everything. It’s not an easy ride and it’s an expensive one as well.”“It will be okay, Jen. I know it. I’ll be there with you and I’ll help in any way I can okay? And we can see about you getting a job. There are a lot of remote jobs now, you could find something to work from home. You wouldn’t even have to go anywhere.”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “Now that is something I’d like a lot.”*They arrive at the clinic and Jared leaves to go take care of his other patients. Jensen talks to the receptionist and she’s able to squeeze him to talk to one of his therapists in half an hour. As he waits his phone rings, and Jensen sees it’s his brother.“Hey Josh,” Jensen greets as he answers the call.
“Jensen! Where the hell are you? What happened? I just talked to dad here at the office and he said you left his house to live with some dude? What the fuck??”
Jensen lets out a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Look, it’s a long story okay? Can’t talk on the phone, I’m at the rehab clinic waiting to see a counselor. But I’m okay, don’t worry. I’ve moved in with Jared who’s a dear friend of mine.”
“You sure you’re fine? But weren’t you better off at mom and dad’s? Since the house was all adapted and stuff? I’m worried about you living somewhere else, the place probably isn’t even adapted is it? I don’t like you saying you’re living with a friend now, doesn’t seem ideal.”
Jensen lets out a breath. He knows Josh loves and worries about him, but damn. He definitely thinks Jensen is made of crystal and needs a whole hospital-like structure to live now. He has never told Josh about the things Alan would say to him, but perhaps his brother needs to know.“I’m fine, Josh. Much better than I was at their house, to be honest. There’s some stuff you don’t know about, okay?”Josh stays in silence for a few moments, then speaks in an even more serious tone. “Jensen, can we meet up? I think we should talk so I know more about what’s going on.”Jensen thinks about it. “Yeah, sure. You want to come over to Jared’s apartment later? Well, our apartment now I guess. I think he would be okay with it. He’s pretty cool.”
“Yeah, sure. I’d love that. Text me the address and when I can come over and I’ll be there.”
*Jensen talks to the therapist and it’s a good talk. He knows it’s good for him to do regular therapy sessions and she encourages him to come back, which he promises he will.Then after waiting for a bit longer, it’s time for his session with Jared. And since Jensen’s life is pretty much a rollercoaster now, he gets something good today. As they’re on the mat table and Jared is exercising Jensen’s legs, Jensen is able to feel a small pressure when Jared squeezes his calf. So far, Jensen didn’t have any feelings past his thighs and he does a little jump.“Oh my God!”Jared stops the movement immediately and gives Jensen a worried look. “What??”Jensen offers him a small smile. “You squeezed my calf and I felt a small pressure. I hadn’t felt anything on them so far!”Jared opens up a smile, giving Jensen a surprised look, and proceeds to apply more pressure to Jensen’s calves and feet, and Jensen can definitely feel something. It brings tears to his eyes, it may be something minimal but to him it’s huge. Every tiny bit of function he regains feels like climbing mount Everest.“God, that feels great.”Jared offers Jensen a hand for him to sit up, then wraps his arms around him. Jensen has been learning that Jared is quite the hugger, and while the old Jensen has never been much into hugs and physical touches before, the new Jensen has been growing fond of them. Especially Jared’s hugs.“Baby steps, Jen! We’ll conquer them all together!”Jensen feels much warmer from then on.As Jared puts him on the standing frame later, Jensen brings up his brother and how he called him earlier, wishing to talk to him in person.“You think it’s okay if he comes over to your place after the session so I can talk to him?”Jared nods. “Of course, Jen! And please, it’s our place now. You live there too, you can have people over if you want. We should just give a heads up to each other when someone is coming over, but you don’t need my permission okay?”Jensen smiles. “Thanks Jay.”Jared clears his throat. “By the way, I wanted to check with you if you’re up to a little adventure tomorrow.”Jensen’s eyes widen. “What kind?”Jared shrugs. “I’ve been doing some research. I want us to start trying some new things, and I thought we could go up to Lake Travis. It’s a bit far so maybe less risk of running into someone you know. I was thinking that well… we could have a picnic there. Unless you think it’s too lame. And they have some water activities that we could try as well if you’re up to it.”Jared gives Jensen a hopeful look, and Jensen frowns. “Can I do the water activities too?”Jared looks mock offended. “Dude you must know by now I wouldn’t bring you somewhere where you would just sit and watch, come on? You really think I’d propose something that you wouldn’t be able to enjoy?”Jensen thinks for a moment. “Yeah, you’re right. I trust you. If you say it’s cool and I can participate in stuff, then I’m in. And picnics aren’t lame at all.”Jared lights up at that. “It’s a date then!” Jared’s eyes widen and his cheeks turn pink. “Well, not a date, date. You know what I mean. Anyway, you’re gonna love it!”*As they drive home, Jensen tells Jared his brother is coming over in a few. Jared suggests that he drops Jensen off at the apartment and goes to Target to get some stuff for their day trip tomorrow, that way Jensen can have some privacy as he talks to Josh. Jensen thanks Jared for that and they do as he says.Josh arrives not too long after Jensen does, and he welcomes his brother inside after they greet each other with a quick hug.Jensen takes Josh to the couch and transfers to it so they can talk.“So Jensen, please tell me. What happened to make you leave mom and dad’s house like this?”Jensen lets out a breath and starts telling everything, finally admitting to his brother the verbal abuse he has been suffering from their father. As he finishes, Josh has a look of horror on his face.“I can’t believe this, Jensen! That dad would say all those awful things to you especially after the accident!”Jensen shrugs. “Well, it’s so now you can see that he’s a different father to me than he is to you. He never liked me much Josh, and after my injury it’s like he hates me even more. Like I went and got myself paraplegic with the sole intent of pissing him off. It was hard before, you know that. It got much harder after. I guess he’s one of the reasons I’ve been having such a hard time accepting my condition. But then Jared came along and things started to change.”“You should have told me this, Jensen. I’d have made an effort to bring you to live with me.”“That’s why I didn’t, Josh. I didn’t want to bother you and Kelly. But everything worked out with Jared in the end, it was the best thing that happened.”Josh cocks his head to the side. “Tell me about Jared.”Jensen does, his expression changing as he talks about something much more pleasant. He tells Josh how they used to play together but didn’t like each other very much, then reunited after Jensen went to the rehab clinic and started bonding, both as therapist and patient and most importantly, as friends. He doesn’t tell Josh about the suicide attempt, but he tells him Jared helped during hard times, and that he was able to connect with Jared deeply. Also how Jared offered for Jensen to come live with him after yet another fight with Alan.Josh smiles. “He seems like a cool guy. But are you sure this apartment is suited for your needs? You could still come live with me.”Jensen shakes his head. “I’m fine here, Josh. I just need an adapted bathroom and some other stuff to function on a basic level. We bought a shower chair and some bars for the bathroom. We also got a dresser for my clothes, so I can access them easier. Of course there are some other stuff that I need to work around like there’s a cabinet under the bathroom sink which isn’t ideal because I can’t fit my chair under the sink, and other minor stuff, but that’s just details. I’m finally in a place where I feel welcome and respected. Jared even went as far as building a small ramp for the front step, so I can get in and out by myself, and that was back when I was only visiting. Plus, Jared is my physical therapist so he has a decent amount of knowledge even if he’s still an intern. I’m good here Josh, I promise. Way more than I was before. Jared is the best person ever. He told me that what happened wasn’t my fault, despite how I feel and also what Alan loves to throw on my face. That I just made a mistake, I didn’t choose to be paralyzed. I’m trying to believe that.”Josh gives Jensen an appreciative nod. “Jared is totally right and I’m glad he was able to make you start seeing this. I really want to meet him.”Jensen smiles. “He will arrive soon, I think. He dropped me off and went to Target to get some stuff because he invited me to go spend the day at Lake Travis tomorrow, have a picnic and do some other activities.”Josh is surprised at that. “If Jared got you to leave the house and finally do stuff outside, I’m already his fan.”Jensen shrugs. “I just told him I was tired of being inside all the time so he’s getting me to do new things and venture outside.”“That’s great Jensen. I’m very pleased to hear someone is finally being able to get through you, that’s great news. And since he will be here soon I could order something for us to eat like pizza, or something. What do you say?”Jensen agrees and messages Jared, letting his friend know about the plans. Jared answers that he’s arriving in about fifteen minutes bringing ice cream for dessert. After Josh orders the pizzas he touches another sore subject with Jensen as they wait, almost as if he read Jensen’s mind and guessed his worries.“I also meant to ask you about… well, about money, Jensen. Especially now that you left home. Do you need money? How are you doing in that area?”Jensen bites the inside of his cheek, considering everything. Then he decides to share with his brother everything he had already talked to Jared earlier.“What I’m most worried about is the rehab costs and insurance, and also like I said I’d like to get a job to help with the bills and stuff. I don’t want to use the trust fund too much.”Josh leans forward. “Jensen, about the rehab and insurance you don’t need to worry about it. Even if dad doesn’t pay for it anymore, I’ll make sure it’s covered. It’s your right, and the least he can do. You’re his son and he has a big company, he can easily afford it. I’ll talk to him to see if he will keep paying for it. If he won’t, I’ll tell him that I’ll do it myself and charge the company. I doubt he wants to fight me over it and risk losing both of his sons.”Jensen snorts, feeling grateful that his brother is standing up for him. “He will never do that, you’re his darling son. Even if it’s something for my benefit he won’t dare contradict you. And thank you for doing that, I really appreciate it.”Josh nods. “Well, it’s the least I could do after not being a decent brother to you. Call it historical reparation. And if there’s anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to let me know as well. If the way I can help the most is financially, I’ll surely do that.”Jensen nods back, thanking Josh again and feeling relieved that his brother has his back at least.They talk about other things for a while until they hear the door unlocking and Jared stepping inside carrying some grocery bags.“Honey I’m home!” He sings, and Jensen smiles. He moves to his chair and motions for Josh to follow him. Jared is setting the bags on the counter and Jensen approaches him.“Jay, this is my brother Josh. Josh, this is Jared.”Both greet each other warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you, Jared. Jensen was telling me a bit about you, thank you for everything you’ve been doing for him.”Jared smiles and winks at Jensen. “It’s my pleasure. Your brother is a bit of a pain in the ass but we can work around that.”Jensen gasps. “HEY! I’m a delight to have around, if you must know!”All of them laugh and Jensen feels happy that Jared and his brother are finally meeting. The pizza arrives right after so Josh helps Jensen to organize the dining table while Jared puts some of the groceries away. They all sit down to eat and spend some time talking, Jared and Josh getting to know a bit more about each other. Jensen timidly tells Jared about the conversation he had with his brother about money, and how Josh is making sure to cover the expenses of his rehab if their father gives any trouble, and Jared is happy to hear that.“That’s great, Jen. I’m very happy to hear that,” Jared turns to Josh. “Rehab is very important for Jensen. Like very important indeed. Especially the first couple of years after the injury, it's when the patient has the most chance of recovering at least some functions like it's happening to Jensen in fact. Folks tend to think that you only need treatment if there’s a chance to recover all of your movements otherwise it’s pointless. But even if Jensen’s condition never improves significantly, it’s vital that he keeps doing maintenance on his body to have the best quality of life possible. Oh by the way, I remember when Jensen first came to the clinic he told me that his brother was the one who convinced him to go. So kudos to you for that, great job you did there!”Josh smiles. “Noted, like I said I’ll make sure his treatment is always covered, no matter what Jensen needs. And yes, I’ve been reading about SCI and knew he had to continue his rehab program. It wasn’t easy to get through his thick skull. I’m glad he eventually caved.”Jared tilts his head forward. “Did you have to use a drill?”Jensen looks from one to the other and pouts. “You people talk like I’m not even here. Can you see me at all?”They laugh and resume eating their pizza as the conversation drifts to other topics. Josh stays with them for a little longer and then announces he’s leaving since it’s getting late and Jared has mentioned how they’re going to get everything ready to leave early tomorrow for the lake. Jared says good night to Josh and leaves them alone, going to the bathroom for a shower. Jensen follows Josh to the door.“So, how do you like Jared?”Josh smiles. “He’s a great guy, Jensen. I can tell. He cares a lot about you, that much is obvious. And you two… well, I can say you have something special going on for sure.”Jensen frowns. “Well yeah, I mean. We have a funny history of not being able to stand each other to become good friends and roommates with a deep bond. I guess you can call it special, yeah.”Josh scoffs. “Oh no, I mean the way you two look–” Josh suddenly stops talking and shakes his head. “You know what? Nevermind. Let’s leave it at that for now. I’m glad you guys found each other again. And I hope you have fun tomorrow. We’ll be in touch, and if you need anything you let me know, alright?”Jensen thanks him and they share a quick hug. He wonders what it is that Josh meant to say but brushes it off. He closes the door and finishes cleaning the dining table. When Jared returns from his shower they start preparing the food for their picnic since they’re leaving early in the morning. Jensen puts together some sandwiches while Jared prepares a batch of Ghirardelli brownies with the mix that he bought, and also makes a fruit salad.“Your brother is very nice, Jen. And I’m glad he’s on your side. At least you don’t have to worry about paying for the therapy.”“Yeah, like I said Josh and I drifted apart after we grew up, we didn’t have much in common. But I guess the possibility of losing a brother changes a person. Josh has been helping me a lot and I’m glad I have him.”They finish preparing all the food and go pack some stuff to take to the Lake. Jared orders Jensen to bring a change of clothes and especially swimming trunks for the water activities. Jensen goes to bed feeling anxious to see what Jared has come up with for them.
Jared
“Wake up, wake up Sleeping Beauty!! We need to prepare to leave soon and you still need your sacred bathroom time! Come on, get your ass outta bed!”Jensen groans something unintelligible and Jared keeps the door open, blasting some music on his JBL so that Jensen won’t just fall asleep again. He knows how Jensen takes some time in the bathroom in the morning, having to do his bladder (and bowel every other day) routine, so he can’t let his friend sleep for much longer. Jared is so excited about this day trip, like he almost couldn’t sleep so excited. He truly hopes Jensen loves it and that it’s good for him.Jared hears as Jensen wheels to the bathroom and gets everything ready while he waits, making sure he’s all packed, that he’s bringing towels and a blanket for their picnic. He takes the food and drinks from the fridge, placing everything inside a cooler.Jensen soon wheels to the kitchen and they have a quick breakfast, Jared also pours some coffee in two travel mugs for them, and when everything is ready they get into the car and head off to Lake Travis. They chat during the whole ride and Jared can see Jensen is excited and nervous as well. Jared keeps hoping it’s a great day for both of them, especially Jensen.After about fifty minutes they finally arrive and park the car. They leave the cooler inside since they won’t be eating right now, and Jared suggests they just explore the area for a while, which Jensen agrees. So once Jensen is in his chair they leave the parking lot and go for a lazy stroll, enjoying the beautiful sunny day on a very easy trail by the lake. There aren’t many people around and the scenery is gorgeous, which lifts Jared’s spirits a lot.“Do you like it here, Jen? If you get too tired of wheeling around just let me know, we can go back.”Jensen looks up and smiles at him. “I do like it here, I have never been to the lake before. It’s pretty cool. And I’m fine for now. I want to get used to wheel myself around for longer periods. My shoulders will probably start complaining soon, but we can keep going a bit further.”“You know, there are devices that you can attach to your chair so you don’t have to put so much strain on your arms and shoulders, like in these situations when you’re out and about for a while, and they're removable. There’s one that attaches to the front of the chair and looks like a scooter, it turns your chair into a power one when you want to. It’s pretty cool. There’s also something like a third wheel that goes behind it, also powered, and it gives you an extra push. I can show you those on the internet later if you want.”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I’d like to see that. By the way, do you have something specific planned for today, for us to do in the lake? Since you told me to pack my swimming trunks?”Jared blushes, motioning for a point at the lake where people are doing some activities. “Well… I thought we could try standup paddle.”Jensen stops moving and lifts both eyebrows at Jared. “Standup paddle? You kidding?”Jared shakes his head. “Not really… I mean, yeah, it would be sit down paddle for you. But I actually asked around at the clinic about something we could do together and another patient suggested it. I thought we could get a big board and go together. You can sit on it and I’ll go behind you as we paddle.” Jared feels suddenly insecure, wondering if it’s actually a terrible idea, and he scratches the back of his head as he looks at Jensen with a frown. “I understand if you don’t want to. We can do other things, they rent kayaks and stuff. Or we don’t even need to go into the lake. I just thought that well… you would like to try and it would be fun for us to do it together. But it’s okay if you think it’s lame. You think it’s lame, don’t you?”Jensen’s confused expression opens up to a smile, and he reaches out to touch Jared’s forearm. “Hey Jay, it’s okay. I was just confused for a minute because I didn’t know how that would work. But I think it’s a great idea. If you say it’s doable, I’m totally down for it.”Jared smiles back, giving Jensen a hopeful expression. “You mean it?”Jensen nods. “I totally do. Now, shall we get going? We need to change first.”Jared nods back and they go back to their car so they can grab their duffel bags. There’s a locker room nearby and both change into shorts, Jensen also takes his shoes off. Jared knows Jensen is still a bit uncomfortable showing his paralyzed legs, but apparently he decides to face it. Jensen keeps the same gym shirt he has on, and once both are ready they return to the car. Jared rummages into the trunk and grabs a yoga mat and a squared cushion. At Jensen’s questioning look, he explains.“My patient suggested it. He told me to bring a mat for when you transfer from the chair to the deck before getting on the board, so you won’t risk hurting or scraping your butt or legs on the hard wood. I got the mat at Target yesterday. And I borrowed the cushion from the clinic, so you sit on it as you get on the board. It won’t be as hard on your delicate ass.”Jensen snorts. “Well, I’m glad you were so thoughtful. Thank you.”They head to the area where they rent the paddles, and Jared pays for a large one with two paddles. They also get two life jackets. They go to the deck and Jared places the mat right on the edge, and Jensen slowly lowers himself to it. He has been learning how to get from the chair to the floor and back up on rehab. He eyes the board on the water and Jared can see he looks wary.“You sure this will be safe?”“As safe as standup paddle can be. But hey, if we end up in the water it will be cool. You’re wearing the life jacket and I’ll be with you through it all. You do trust me, don’t ya?”Jensen nods. “I do. Let’s go. Help me out here.”A guy who works there comes over to help them per Jared’s request, and he holds the board in place right next to the deck. Jensen scoots to the edge and places an arm around Jared’s shoulders who is crouched down next to him. With a firm arm around Jensen’s waist he guides his friend to the board, making sure he’s sitting on the cushion. Jensen brings both his legs closer to him and crosses them indian style.“You good?” Jared asks, and Jensen nods.“Yep, I’m good.”Jared asks the guy to please store Jensen's chair, then hands Jensen the paddle and positions himself, standing up right behind Jensen.“And off we go!”They start paddling very slowly so they can get used to it, especially Jensen. Jared follows his lead, paddling at the same rhythm as he is. It’s a bit weird at first but they finally start getting the hang of it. They just paddle for a while, not even saying anything, just enjoying the lake and the woods around them. It’s very quiet, there aren’t many people on the lake, and Jared is so happy the weather is perfect. Eventually Jensen speaks in a quiet voice.“I’m glad you brought me here. I like this.”Jared smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. “I took a shot. You could either love it or think it was the stupidest idea ever. I’m so relieved and glad it was the former.”“It feels nice doing something normal. Even if I have to adapt and do it differently, it’s still something normal. When I first became paralyzed I thought I would never be able to do normal things again, you know?”“You can still do many things, Jen. Yes, you have to adapt most of the time, but there’s always a way. And I want to help you learn all these new ways of doing things. There’s still a whole life out there for you even if it may seem hard to believe.”Jensen lets out a breath. “It’s what I’m trying to hold onto. I don’t want my life to be over so soon. But I just don’t know how to live it like this.”“It’s why you have your awesome friend here, to help you find out.”Jensen carefully turns his torso around so he can look at Jared. “And I really appreciate it.”They paddle for a little while longer, slowly, not being in any rush. “It’s so beautiful here,” Jared says. “I could just be here in the middle of the lake for a while, enjoying the quietness.”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I’d like that too. But since things are always harder for me, my back is kinda starting to bother me. I’m sitting without support for too long and my broken spine isn’t too fond of it. Sorry for being a spoilsport.”Jared shakes his head. “Nothing to be sorry for. Let’s fix it.” Jared, very carefully so as not to tilt the board, sits on it as well, bending his legs in front of him and placing the paddle down alongside them. He pulls Jensen’s shoulders back until he’s leaning against his own legs. “There you go. Now your back can take a break. That okay?”Jensen sets down his paddle too and nods, turning his head around again. “Much better. Thanks, Jay.”They stay in silence again for a long while, just allowing the board to take them where it wants to go, and Jared feels so peaceful as he places both hands behind him for support and looks up at the sky. Again it strikes him how he doesn’t feel the need to blabber, how he’s not anxious to do something else. He could stay right here with Jensen for hours, enjoying the lake and the day, and he would be happy.“We could do this again eventually,” Jensen says. “I like it a lot. I feel more free, you know? It’s nice to be moving in a way, and take a break from my chair for a while.” Jensen looks down and clears his throat. “I still have a hard time accepting my wheelchair. To me it’s a symbol of how broken I am now, and it’s so hard knowing I’ll always need it, ya know?”“Yeah, I can imagine how hard that must be. But the wheelchair isn’t your enemy. You’re not its prisoner. It’s actually what allows you to be free, be independent and go everywhere, otherwise you’d be stuck in a bed depending on others.”“Yeah, I know. But it’s still hard, it’s too recent. I have mixed feelings about it. I hate what it represents but at the same time it’s becoming part of me. Which it’s also terrifying. Sometimes I think that my whole life will be like this, that it won’t go back to what it was. And I can’t breathe imagining that. Thinking that no matter what happens, where my life leads me, everything I do will be done from a wheelchair. That in ten, twenty, fifty years from now, I’ll be in it. It’s too hard for me to grasp, Jay. That I’ll reach a point in my life where I’ll be in the chair longer than I was able to walk. It’s a concept too big to comprehend and not be completely freaked out over. It’s just too much.”Jared doesn’t go for platitudes. He understands Jensen is still grieving and needs to let his fears out, it’s good for him to talk about it without someone trying to minimize his fears and concerns, and it’s probably easier for him to say it without looking at Jared. Jared can try to understand how huge this is, having your whole life irrevocably changed in the blink of an eye.“What do you miss the most? About before?”Jensen lets out a breath as he probably thinks about it, gazing into the horizon. “I could say the big things. Like the most obvious ones, I miss walking. I miss playing basketball. But I guess I also really miss how easy things were before, you know? How quick it was. I could just get up from the bed, take a piss, brush my teeth, change into the first clothes I found, and be out of the door. Take a five minute shower. Go from one floor to the other in ten seconds just climbing the stairs. Taking less than one minute to pee. Now my routine is completely different and everything takes so much longer with a SCI. I can’t just do things, you know? I need to prepare and plan everything that I do beforehand. I always need to wake up earlier because going to the bathroom is now an event. That’s probably what sucks the most about being paraplegic. Even more than not walking. I need to plan everything around my bladder and bowel routines and God that sucks. I take longer to shower, to get dressed, to go from A to B. I can’t just climb the stairs, I need to find the elevator or the ramp. I miss being sure I’d be able to get to a place. I miss not having to plan everything. I just miss being spontaneous.”Jared purses his lips, feeling emotional with Jensen’s speech. “We never think about how easy we have it until we lose it, huh?”“Exactly. It never even occurred to me how privileged I was until I lost it. It’s so ordinary for most people, but man I’d give anything just to take a piss standing up, and not take like fifteen minutes to do it with a rubber tube shoved in my dick. It’s the little things, really. I just… I miss being normal. It’s what suffocates me the most, knowing I’ll never be normal again. I’ll always be the odd one out, the one who has to use a wheelchair for everything. The bottomline is, Jay… I miss my ordinary life. The life most people have and take completely for granted just like I did before, until it was too late.”Jared doesn’t say anything for a while, he just lets Jensen’s words sink in and his friend to mourn over everything. Then he finally clears his throat.“I don’t know what it’s like, and I probably never will unless I end up in the same situation. And your feelings are completely valid. I can try and understand at least a bit of your despair and sympathize with it. At the same time though, you can hopefully create a new life for yourself. I dunno if it will be better than the life you lost. It will be more challenging for sure. Definitely not as easy as it was. But hopefully you still have something to look forward to. I want to be there for you, ya know? Help you find out new ways, new things to do. Maybe things you wouldn’t have done before or if you hadn’t ended up in a wheelchair. I think maybe it could still be a happy life. Your heart is still beating in there, and it's not in vain. Your life still has purpose.”Jensen shrugs. “I’m slowly trying to see that. And I have a lot to thank you for, you’re responsible for a lot. I mean, it’s obvious we wouldn’t be friends if it wasn’t for my injury. If you had come back from Paris to the same scenario, we would probably still be bickering at each other like we used to, nothing would have changed. We wouldn’t be here today on this great day in the middle of the lake. So I’m starting to see it’s not all bad. You’re right, there’s another side to life. I do want to try and live it the way I am now, as hard as it seems. I just still have a hard time grasping the fact that I’m different. It’s not easy being different from almost everyone else.”Jared hopes he’s not being completely sap right now. “Not different. I think you’re unique.”Jensen turns his head to the side and gives Jared a beautiful smile as his only reply. Jared's heart skips a beat and he suddenly wishes he had a camera to capture how beautiful Jensen is right now, with the sun shining on him, kissing his golden skin.Jared thinks he loves Jensen. It’s at that moment when he has an epiphany and realizes it. He isn’t sure how he loves Jensen, yet. But he feels something deep and unexplainable. He loves having Jensen close like this, he craves it even. That’s why Jared feels so content just being with Jensen, without even saying anything, he assumes. It’s because he loves him. Jared doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to. He wants to just keep this warm feeling to himself, and more than ever keep Jensen close to him.
Jensen
They spend a little longer just like this, not saying anything again, just lost in their own thoughts. Jensen eventually realizes that what they’re doing right now matches exactly how he feels inside. Ever since his injury he feels adrift in a huge, endless sea (in this case a lake but still), with nothing to anchor him or to hold onto, no clear direction to go, no land in sight. But now he can lean on Jared, who’s right here supporting him, he literally has his back right now, and it hurts a little less. And with Jared’s help, they can paddle back to the land. It’s funny to realize how this moment sums up exactly how Jensen feels.Eventually they decide to go back and have their picnic, since it’s almost lunch time and both are hungry. So Jared very carefully stands up again, making sure Jensen is okay sitting on his own. He feels fine after resting his back on Jared’s legs for a while, so he gives Jared his okay. They manage to turn the board around and slowly paddle back to the deck. It takes them a while to get there since they drifted far away, but they’re not in any rush. Jensen wants to enjoy this moment while it lasts. Eventually they arrive and the same guy who helped them before brings Jensen’s chair and the yoga mat. Jared jumps to the deck first and holds the board in place so Jensen can transfer to it as well. Jensen asks for Jared’s help to get back into his chair. He has been practicing doing it himself but his arms feel tired after all the paddling so it’s safer to get help. Jensen isn’t too fond of having others helping him especially out in the open, but he’s trying to accept it especially coming from Jared.Once Jensen is settled they return the life jackets and head to the car to grab the cooler they left there, as well as the blanket which Jensen carries on his lap while Jared takes the cooler and yoga mat. They wander around for a bit until they find the perfect spot, right in front of the lake with a big tree providing a nice shade and the grass is pretty even so it’s not as hard for Jensen to wheel on it, he just pops a wheelie, balancing on his rear wheels as not to get his front casters stuck, and he manages it fine. Jared and he spread the blanket right in front of the tree, and Jensen gets to the ground on the blanket. He grabs the cushion from his chair to sit on so he doesn’t spend too long on the hard ground, and Jared places the folded mat between his back and the tree, so Jensen can lean against it.They take everything out of the cooler and spread it around the blanket. Jared pours juice for them and Jensen grabs a sandwich. They make small talk as they eat, and eventually grow silent as they watch the lake and some boats and kayaks that pass by. Jensen still has his mind full after the moment they shared on the standup board, it felt good to share some stuff with Jared. Like Jared just gets him, he understands Jensen and doesn’t try to belittle his feelings by always telling him that everything will be okay. He really listens and tries to understand Jensen’s pain, which is important to him. He stays lost in thoughts until Jared speaks next to him.“Brownie for your thoughts?”Jensen looks over and sees Jared offering him a piece of brownie. “You didn’t add pot to this by any chance, did you?”Jared laughs. “Not this time but that can be arranged.”Jensen chuckles and takes the brownie, breaking it into smaller pieces with his fingers. He thinks about their trip to New Orleans, when they got drunk and stoned with the joints, and it ended up with Jared and he in bed together. It’s bittersweet to remember that time when Jensen could fully participate in sex and give pleasure to someone, even if they couldn’t stand each other back then. But being with Jared here now, with the connection they share, is much better than that one night stand they had. Jensen craves Jared’s company now, and he’d rather just have this, a sunny day with Jared as his company, than just sex. It still hurts that the possibility was taken from him though.“Come on Jen, tell me what you’re thinking.”Jensen sighs, not really wishing to share with Jared this part specifically, but he does mention something else in his mind as he eats the brownie.“I was thinking about the last time we saw each other before you flew to Paris. You said we would be meeting one year from then, and when you got back to the team I’d have to share the spotlight again.”Jared turns serious as he remembers that day as well. “And you said a lot can happen and change in a year.”Jensen nods and lowers his head. “It’s almost like I felt something big would happen. We just assume we have everything planned and then life comes and throws a curveball at you.”“Or dunks it on your head.”Jensen snorts. “Yeah, I guess.” He stays silent for a few moments then blinks harder. “Man, I miss basketball.”Jared clears his throat after a while. “Hey Jensen?”Jensen looks at Jared and lifts an eyebrow. “What?”“It’s just a thought but… have you ever considered wheelchair basketball?”Jensen blinks at him, a frown forming on his face. “Wheelchair basketball?”Jared shrugs. “Yeah, I mean… you have heard of it, right?”Jensen nods, grabbing some of the fruit salad. “Yeah, of course I have. I’ve even googled it. I just…”Jensen trails off and Jared picks up on it. “Just what?”Jensen lets out a breath and his gaze travels to a point at the lake. “I dunno. I’ve thought about maybe trying it, but I’m just afraid to do it and it ends up sucking. That I’ll hate it and feel even more like crap about losing what I had before. I loved basketball, Jay. God, so damn much. Ever since I was a little kid I’d already play it, I always had a ball in my hands. It meant everything to me. And man, I was so fucking good at it.”Jared snorts. “Yeah, I know damn well you were. You even stole my position and everything when you arrived.”Jensen chuckles and looks down at the salad. “Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t give you an easy time. But anyway, I just… I’m afraid it won’t be the same for me. That I won’t feel the same love I used to feel when I played before. It would be different, I wouldn’t be able to jump and dunk it like I did before. I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed. That I’ll suck royally at it. I’d just lose the one thing I have, you know? This one perfect thing I have inside of me, what a fucking great player I was.”Jared takes it all in and nods. “I get it. I’d be scared too, it would be a new way to play a sport that I love and if I felt differently about it, it would just suck. But maybe someday you’ll give it a chance. It would be a way to keep the sport you love in your life. It won’t be the same, of course not. But maybe your love would change to include this new way of playing it. It doesn’t necessarily need to be worse, just different. Plus, you will never really lose what you had. The player you were will always be inside you somewhere. I just really would love for you to try it out someday. I miss playing basketball with you.”Jensen feels a pang in his heart. “I miss it too. A lot. J-Squared was pretty good, huh?”“The best team ever! But hey, we can still be J-Squared, right? We’re discovering things together. There are lots of stuff we can do, like we just did today. That was J-Squared for sure! And there are lots of other sports we can try as well. J-Squared is pretty much alive, don’t you think?”Jensen nods with a smile on his face. “I think so. You’re right, we can try out different stuff. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll be ready to step… or wheel onto a court again. I think I still need some time tho.”Jared winks at him. “We have time, my friend.”They spend some more time eating everything and then again just watching their surroundings. There is a couple with two kids not too far from them, all of them splashing into the water and it looks great since the sun is very bright and warm in the sky. Jensen eyes them with longing, and Jared probably notices what he’s looking at.“Hey, wanna get in the lake? Water looks great.”Jensen purses his lips. “Yeah, it’s just… a bit tricky I guess. Don’t wanna have to get in my chair then down again, plus the ground near the water is pretty muddy. Scooting over to the water is out of question too because I could scrape my ass or the back of my legs. So I dunno.”“Piggyback ride maybe?”Jensen scrunches up his nose. “Nah, I don’t think so. It will probably be slippery because of the mud and I don’t want to risk you falling on top of me and giving me an extra injury. Better to avoid that risk.”Jared considers it for a few moments and then gets up. “I have an idea. Be right back.” He leaves Jensen alone for a moment, who takes the opportunity to collect all the trash into the cooler so they can throw it away later. Some minutes later Jared returns with their towels and a life jacket.“Put it on.”Jensen takes the jacket and looks up at him with a frown. “What are you planning?”Jared rolls his eyes. “Just go with it.”Jensen sighs and does as asked, strapping the life jacket on. Jared drops the towels on the blanket and grabs the yoga mat from behind Jensen. He spreads it next to him. “Hop on.”Jensen’s eyes widen as he repeats the question. “What on Earth are you planning?”“Just do as I say Ackles! Come on!”Jensen finally nods and scoots over to the side using his arms so he’s sitting on top of the mat, pulling his legs so they’re on it too. Jared positions himself in front of it and lifts the corners of the mat, giving Jensen a pointed look. “Ready for your ride? Hold tight!”Jensen doesn’t even have time to react as Jared begins pulling the mat towards the lake. He quickly pulls his legs close to him and crosses them, holding tight as Jared keeps pulling the mat, and he starts singing I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder over, sideways and under, on a magic carpet ride. A WHOLE NEW WORLD! completely off tune, causing Jensen to explode with laughter at the scene. Jared starts laughing too and barely manages to pull Jensen all the way since both have tears in their eyes from laughing so much. Jensen can’t remember laughing this hard in like, ever.Jared finally gets to the lake and pulls Jensen until he hits the water. They manage to pull themselves together and Jared holds the mat in place so Jensen can scoot backwards and into the water. The temperature is just great, a bit cold but nothing they can’t manage. Jared keeps the mat floating on the water so both can hold onto it, and they get in further and further until Jared can’t stand up anymore. Jensen just allows his body to move freely in the water, the life jacket and mat holding him upwards.“Man this feels nice. I feel free like this.”Jared smiles. “Water is great for paraplegics. You should consider doing water therapy too at the clinic, it’s very good for you.”Jensen looks down. “I’m a bit traumatized by that pool.”Jared’s eyes go dark as he probably remembers that fateful day. “But you won’t do that again, will you? You’re doing better now, right?”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I’m getting better now. I haven’t had strong feelings like that since that night. And if things get rough I’ll let you know, I promise.”Jared nods. “Good. You should try and swim a bit, it will be a great way to move your body.”Jensen nods and lets go of the mat, trying to swim some strokes. It’s hard to do it without using his legs, like he needs to drag them along, but it’s not bad actually, and the life jacket helps. Then he goes back to the mat and Jared goes for a quick swim next. Jensen watches him and he feels so content right now. On this sunny day with Jared, being able to do new things, and having something as simple as a picnic. Jensen knows he will have his bad days, there’s no way around them. But if he gets to have these awesome warm days as well, hopefully with Jared, then maybe, just maybe… Jensen will be able to actually make it.The darkness is still lingering around him, and it won’t go away that easily. But today, just today, it feels like the sun is shining inside of him, in an endless sky. And strangely enough, the sky is a very particular hazel shade.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
They get out of the lake and Jared pulls Jensen back to the blanket using the mat, and he loves how amused Jensen is with his ride. Jared pats himself on the back for coming up with this idea. They use the towels to dry themselves off a bit and spend some minutes in the sun, also so the mat can dry. Then they collect everything and Jared places a towel on Jensen’s chair since his trunks are still wet. He offers Jensen help to get into the chair but Jensen decides to try it himself since his arms aren’t as tired now. Jared just watches as Jensen attempts a few times, he can see how hard it is for his friend and how he almost gives up and calls for help, but Jared encourages him.“You can do it, Jen. I know you can. We did this in rehab. Just focus and take your time. Use your strength wisely and do the techniques we practiced. There’s no rush, you can take your time. If you need help I’m here, but I’d like to see you do it by yourself.”Jensen lets out a breath and tries again, scooting very close to the chair and bending his knees up to his chest. He places his closed fist on the seat of the chair, and slowly tries to bring his butt up. He misses it again in the first attempt but finally gets it right in the second, managing to sit on the edge of the chair. He adjusts his butt and finally his legs on the footplate, giving Jared a smile.“See? I know you can do it.”They go back to the locker room so they can change out of their wet clothes, and Jared can sense how wary Jensen is about taking his shirt off. So he gives his friend space and turns around while he dries himself and gets dressed. By the time he faces Jensen again, he’s already dressed in a fresh t-shirt and is pulling his pants up his legs. Once they’re done, both head to the car and store everything in the trunk. Jared as usual puts Jensen’s chair in the backseat and they finally head home.“I hope you had fun today,” Jared says a few minutes into the ride, giving Jensen a small smile which Jensen reciprocates.“I loved it, Jay. It was one of the best days I’ve had since my injury. Maybe the best one. And it’s funny how I never did those things before. I was always busy with basketball, or working, or going to bars, or dating. The old Jensen would never have thought about spending a day at the lake like this. I mean, he might even do it but probably on a party boat, drinking all day long. But a picnic and standup paddle, spending a long time in the lake just… being? Nah. It wouldn’t happen.”Jared nods. “You know what? I like this version of Jensen way more than the old one. I mean, I didn’t know you much before since we would only bicker all the time, but I think right now you’re a very good person. I’d say a much better one than you were.”Jensen frowns. “Even if this version is in a wheelchair?”Jared shrugs. “I dare say especially because of it. I’m not saying it was a good thing what happened to you, of course not. I could never say that when it’s not me in your shoes. Or wheels. But I can see you’re becoming a much better person now after everything you went through. I really like what I’ve seen from you so far.”Jensen nods, looking down. “Yeah, I guess you may be right. I do have another vision of life, a new perspective. Of course things are still too new, it has been only months since the accident. But if there’s something good that can come out of this tragedy in my life, maybe it’s me becoming someone better, who appreciates smaller things. Who can see that the small things are actually the most important ones. A better version of myself.”Jared smiles. “Damn right.”Jensen stays in silence for a few moments, just staring out of the window, then speaks again. “I want to thank you again. For everything you’ve been doing for me. I told you already how I feel like I can connect with you like I haven’t been able to connect with anyone else since the accident. Or maybe even before it. And I want to thank you right now for treating me normally. For not making my disability the biggest thing about me, but also for treating it as something normal, for not walking on eggshells around me as if I’m something breakable. For encouraging me to do things on my own, not assuming I just need help from others all the time. For seeing me mostly as a person, and my wheelchair as just a part of me. I don’t want to ignore my condition, it’s who I am now, and I don’t want others to do it either. But I also don’t want to be just a wheelchair, I’m still a person. And you make me feel normal, as well as my paraplegia.”Jared scrunches up his nose. “You’re just Jensen to me. With some extra gadgets.”Jensen smiles at him. “And that’s exactly what I need. So anyway, thanks again for today, I enjoyed every minute of it. And I hope we get to do other cool stuff in the future too.”“You bet, roomie!”*On Sunday they spend the day assembling Jensen’s dresser. Jensen was a bit wary at first, claiming they should get someone else for the task since he wouldn’t be able to be of much help. But Jared just brushed him off and encouraged Jensen to try it so they could do it together. As it turns out, they have a good afternoon together. Jensen ends up learning he can actually help a lot, if Jared does the heavy lifting. Jensen even manages to assemble a few drawers completely by himself using the bed as support since it’s on his level. When the dresser is finally in one piece, they clean it and Jared helps Jensen get his clothes organized in the drawers.As the job is completed at last, both are exhausted but Jared can see the accomplished look on Jensen’s face.“Thanks for doing it with me Jay,” Jensen says as they look at their work. “And for believing that I could do it too. It’s good to feel useful.”Jared smiles and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “You’re still of good use for many things Jen, you’ll see.”*A few days later, after having returned from rehab, Jared goes take a shower and then joins Jensen in the living room, who’s sitting on the couch with his legs stretched on the seat of his chair, and he’s focused on his tablet which is supported by a cushion on his lap. When Jared sits down close to him, Jensen turns his attention to his friend.“Hey, is it okay if Chris and Steve come over on Saturday? I haven’t seen them since I moved in and they wanted to check on me.”Jared chuckles. “They want to make sure I’m not keeping you hostage or anything?”Jensen smiles. “Something like that, I guess.”“Sure it’s okay Jen. Like I said, it's your apartment too. Want me to get lost so you can have some time with your friends?”Jensen shakes his head. “Nah, of course not. You can totally be here. We’re friends now and you’re part of my life, I’d like for you to meet my other friends.”Jared smiles. “Okay then, sure. I’d love to. I’d like for you to meet Chad too one of these days. He’s a pretty cool guy despite his rough façade. We’ve been friends for years, ever since middle school in San Antonio. We moved together to Austin and he’s one of the few people I trust.”Jensen thinks for a few moments and then bites his bottom lip as he looks at Jared. “You should invite him over too,” he offers and Jared raises both eyebrows.“Really?”Jensen shrugs. “Yeah, well. I mean, sure. I think it’s time I start meeting some more people. I’ve been making some progress on a few fronts, and I think being around people could be my new endeavour.”Jared feels happy for his friend, and an idea hits him. “Dude! We should totally have a housewarming party!”Jensen’s eyes grow wide. “Party?”“Well not a party of course, not with that many people. But we should invite our friends over and have a fun night to introduce them to our shared apartment. You could even invite your brother too if you want. We could get some snacks and drinks. Chad has a Nintendo, he could bring it for us to play some. I don’t know, we could just hang out. What do you say?”Jensen frowns for a few moments and then finally nods. “Yeah… I guess it could be good. I could maybe use a fun night with some friends. You sure Chad won’t treat me as a freak or anything?”Jared shakes his head. “Of course not! He’s pretty chill, you’ll see. I’ll check with him about Saturday and you talk to Chris, Steve and your brother if you want. Kay?”Jensen nods. “It’s a deal, then.”Jared goes to the kitchen to put together something for them to have for dinner, turning the oven on to warm up their meal. As he waits, he goes back to Jensen who’s again working on his tablet, he has a tablet pen in one hand and is apparently drawing something in it.“What u doing?” Jared asks, not really looking so as not to invade his friend’s privacy.Jensen looks up and he seems a bit embarrassed. “I’m well… I’m drawing. I do that sometimes.”Jared’s eyes widen. “Oh really? What kind of things?”Jensen shrugs. “A bit of everything. I’ve always liked drawing. It’s kind of… well, a secret talent I guess. I don’t usually share it with anyone.”Jared leans forward. “Oh my God, really? That’s so cool!”Jensen sighs. “Yeah, I guess. If it was up to me, I’d have chosen to get a degree in graphic design. But since I worked for my dad and he already wasn’t a fan of my playing b-ball, I thought I’d give him a stroke if I mentioned I was getting any degree that wasn’t business. And since I never really planned on using a degree anyway, since I wanted to be a professional player, I went with business to humor him. Spoiler alert: I hated it.”Jared frowns. “Dang, that sucks. Can I see one of your arts? I’d love to see it. Only if you feel like sharing, of course.”Jensen looks down and purses his lips. “I have one I made recently… After the accident I started drawing basketball stuff even if it hurts. It just brings me closer to it somehow you know? Anyway, I actually made one of us,” Jensen says in a small voice, as if he’s really embarrassed to admit it, and Jared’s jaw drops.“Are you serious?? Oh my God, I need to see it right now!”Jensen chuckles and Jared sees as his fingers move so graciously over the tablet screen, as he probably looks for the art. He finally offers the tablet to Jared, who takes it very carefully. When he sees the art, his eyes almost pop out of the sockets. It’s an art of him and Jensen, side by side, both seen from behind. They’re wearing their game uniforms, with their names written on the back of the jerseys. Each of them is holding a basketball, and Jared is looking at Jensen, who is facing forward (his face is not seen). The hoop is standing between them.It’s mind blowing.“Jensen, I–” Jared looks from the tablet to Jensen, who has a nervous and expectant look on his face. “I don’t know what to say?”“Is this good or bad?”Jared scoffs. “Are you kidding me? You must know how great you are. This is amazing, Jensen. You’re incredibly talented, the details in this are insane!”Jensen gives Jared a small smile. “You think so?”“Of course! Can I see more stuff?” Jensen nods and Jared scoots closer, placing the tablet on the cushion on Jensen’s lap again, and together they go through more of his stuff. Jared is more and more amazed by what he sees. He finally looks at Jensen again as he turns off the tablet. “Jensen, it’s incredible. You’re a pro at this. You could easily make a living out of it! Weren’t you trying to find something to do? You could sell your art!”Jensen frowns. “Really?”Jared nods eagerly. “Oh yes, definitely! We can talk to Chad. He knows a lot of people, I think he has a friend who has a publisher or something like that. Those places are always looking for digital artists. You could do commissions, freelance jobs. You could easily work from home and make some good money, Jen.”Jensen looks surprised, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Yeah… maybe that could work. I wouldn’t complain if I could draw for a living.”Jared touches Jensen’s shoulder. “Jen, in the future you could even consider getting the degree you wanted. You don’t have to work for your father and please him anymore. You could finally study graphic design like you wanted to. It could be your chance to have a whole new career that you also love.”Jensen blinks a few times. “Oh. Yeah, you’re actually right. I’ve been so focused on the things I’ve lost, like basketball, that I haven’t considered what I still have and what I could do.”Jared smiles widely. “See?? Jen, your life is far from over. Your basketball career may be, yes. At least at regular basketball. But you have so many other talents and passions. There are still many possibilities to you, Jen. Including wheelchair basketball like I said before. Which I still hope you consider in the future.”Jensen nods, smiling back at Jared. “You’re totally right. Thank you Jay. You gave me a lot to think about. I really dunno what I’d do without you.”Jared smirks at him. “I always told you I’m awesome, it just took you some time to believe me.”
Jensen
Jensen talks to Chris the next day about Jared’s idea of a housewarming gathering, and his friend is more than on board with the idea, promising he will be there with Steve. Jensen feels excited about it too, it took him a couple of seconds after Jared proposed it, but he thinks it will be good. Jensen could really use a fun night with friends. He also invites his brother and Kelly, who promise to be there too. Jared tells Jensen he has talked to Chad and his friend eagerly accepted the invitation and promised to bring the Nintendo so they can play. He also asked if he could bring his girlfriend Sophia, and Jared was kind enough to check with Jensen first. He gives the okay, he truly wants to start feeling comfortable around people.On Saturday morning they go grocery shopping so they can get everything for their gathering later. Jared has offered to go by himself, but Jensen tags along after thinking about it.“I dunno if I’ll be brave enough to get inside tho,” he admits as they’re getting ready to leave. “I’ll decide as we get there.”Jared nods, giving Jensen an encouraging smile. “You can wait in the car if you want. It’s okay.”Jared drives to a Walmart about fifteen minutes away. Jensen knows there’s places closer to the campus and where they live, and he suspects Jared is doing it to try and encourage Jensen, though he doesn’t say anything. As he parks the car on the disabled spot, he cuts off the engine and turns to Jensen.“So? Are you staying here or getting in?”Jensen studies Jared for a couple of seconds, biting the inside of his cheek, then finally lets out a breath and makes up his mind. “Get my chair, please.”Jared cheers and does as asked. He grabs a couple of shopping bags from the trunk and they go inside the store, Jared grabs a cart as they pass by the entrance. Jensen feels very nervous being around so many people, having the feeling that everyone is staring at him, but as he pays closer attention he realizes people are truly minding their own business. They go through the aisles, choosing what they’re getting for their reunion, and Jensen always making sure not to bump into anyone. They grab nachos, a variety of dips, some bread, peanuts, a couple of frozen pizzas and pints of ice cream. Then they go to the drinks aisle, and Jared asks what Jensen wants.Jensen thinks for a moment and points at the packs of beer that are too high for him to reach. “We should take a couple of those.”Jared nods. “Oh yeah, the guys will probably want it. You want soda for yourself?”Jensen shrugs. “I think I’ll have beer too. At least a couple.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “Really?”Jensen nods back. “Yeah, I guess. It’s time I stop being scared of having some beers. I don’t need to get hammered, and a couple of bottles won’t kill me if I don’t get behind a wheel. What do you think?”Jared smiles. “I think you’re right. You need to face your fears. I’ll have some beers with you then, since I won’t be driving afterwards. And I’ll make sure you don’t have too many, don’t worry.”Jensen chuckles. “It will probably be a good idea so I don’t end up peeing in my pants. Please remind me to cath very well before we start drinking.”“Noted!”*They get everything ready at their place, setting the table with all the snacks as well as plates, napkins, glasses and so on. Jensen takes a shower and gets ready before the guests arrive, making sure to empty his bladder thoroughly. Jared showers after him and Jensen puts on some music to wait for their guests.Chris and Steve arrive while Jared is still in his bedroom, and Jensen welcomes them into the apartment. After greeting each other with hugs Jensen invites them inside.“Glad you guys made it!”“Well, we needed to see for ourselves if Jared has been treating you well! You’re looking good Jenny!”Jensen rolls his eyes as he wheels backwards so his friends can get further into the living room. “Don’t let Jared hear you calling me that, please.”Chris laughs and Jared arrives in the living room, giving Chris and Steve a warm smile. “Hey guys! Glad you could make it! Welcome to The J-Squared Apartment Warming Party!”They also greet one another and Steve hands Jared a six-pack they brought. Jared thanks him and tells both of them to make themselves comfortable. Jensen quickly shows his friends around the apartment, and they’re pleased when they see the bathroom has been adapted to Jensen to some extent.“Looks good Jenny,” Chris says in a small voice as they’re still in the bathroom. “Looks like Jared is taking good care of you.”Jensen shrugs. “I know I had a better structure back in my folks’ house. But I prefer this here a thousand times. I can say I’m much happier now living with Jared.”Chris nods. “Yeah, I can tell. The permanent scowl you wore on your face each time we saw you is gone now. I’m glad.”They hear the doorbell again and head back to the living room in time to see Jared greeting Chad and Sophia. Jensen takes a deep breath, his heart beating faster, and wheels closer to them. Jared spots him and opens up a smile.“Jen, come here! You know who Chad is already, but I’d like to introduce you two properly. So Jen, this is my friend Chad and his girl Sophia. Guys, this is Jensen.”Chad gives Jensen an open smile and offers his hand, which Jensen promptly shakes. “Hey man, nice to see ya again!”Jensen smiles back. “Right back at ya.”Jensen also greets Sophia, who is very kind to him. Not even five seconds later, the doorbell rings again and Jensen’s brother arrives with Kelly. It gets very loud and crowded for a while with everyone greeting each other, storing things in the fridge, putting away purses and jackets, and grabbing some snacks and drinks. Jared hands Jensen a beer and he thanks his friend. Sophia and Kelly instantly connect and go talk in the kitchen, while Jared grabs Chad’s Nintendo and goes to set it up with Steve. Chris and Josh engage in a conversation and Jensen wheels to the table to grab some snacks, setting down his beer on it. Soon Chad joins Jensen with a beer of his own and sits down next to where he is, grabbing some peanuts.“Hey man. How u doing? Jared told me about what happened to you, I’m sorry to hear about it.”Jensen offers him a small smile. “Thanks. I’m getting better now. Trying to. It’s still recent so I feel like I’m all over the place, but I think the worst is behind me, hopefully.”Chad nods. “I’m glad. Jared mentioned you didn’t want folks to know when he told me what happened. Don’t worry, I haven’t told anyone. Except Soph, sorry. I didn’t want her to be all shocked when she saw you here so I thought it would be better to give her a heads up.”“Yeah, I still feel weird about people I knew before seeing me now. I’m trying to work past it. And It’s okay that you told her, she would have found out anyway and I had told Jay that it was okay that you brought her. I knew she would see me.”Chad smiles. “She’s very sweet and discreet too, I promise. And I was very glad when Jare told me you moved in with him. I kinda suggested it to him when he asked me for help with the ramp, he briefly mentioned you were having some trouble with your dad and came over often. Don’t worry tho, he didn’t get into details, nor about the accident that you had. And I said that since he was looking for a roommate anyway, it could be you. I didn’t like to think about Jare living alone here.”Jensen is mildly surprised to hear that Chad suggested that Jensen came to live with Jared, and it makes him like Jared’s friend more. “I appreciate that, it was a great idea. I really wanted to leave my folks’ place. And I’ve been meaning to thank you for building the ramp with Jared. It really helps me get in and out, I still have trouble going up steps with my wheelchair. So it saves me having to ask for help each time.”Chad gives him a salute. “No problem, dude!”*The night is very great and Jensen has a lot of fun. They take turns playing the video game, there’s also Uno and Pictionary for them to play, and Jensen finds himself laughing a lot. Everyone gets along pretty great, and it warms Jensen’s heart to see it. Jared makes sure Jensen doesn’t have more than three beers and he feels even a bit tipsy after going for so long without having alcohol. Jensen also notices how Jared changes to soda after a while, and he wonders if it’s so that he can help Jensen if needed, and has to stay sober for it.Eventually Jared calls Chad over and asks for Jensen to show him the arts he makes. Jensen feels a bit shy but grabs his tablet and does as asked. Jared asks Chad if he knows someone who could commission Jensen for some of his arts, and Chad is excited about it.“Dude, yes!! Those are amazing Jensen, nice job. I have some friends in the business that could use your services, yes. Can you email me some of those arts so I can show them? Gimme your contact info as well, so they can get in touch with you if they want to. I’m sure you’ll get some freelance work in no time with this talent.”Jensen’s spirits lift up even more after that. A couple of hours later their friends finally leave, everyone thanking Jared and Jensen for the party and making plans to get together again. After Jared closes the door behind them, both of them throw themselves on the couch.“Man, I’m beat!” Jared says as he sits sideways on the couch, kicking his flip flops away and resting his feet on Jensen’s lap.Jensen laughs and squeezes Jared’s feet lightly. “Me too. It was good though, right?”“Yes! It was awesome. Did you have fun, Jen? It was your first post-injury party!”Jensen nods. “I did. A lot. It felt good having them over and just enjoying a night with friends. Like it doesn’t matter that I’m in a wheelchair, you know? It’s not about that. I’m just hanging out with my friends. It feels good to be able to be something other than the paraplegic guy and having everything revolve around that. I missed that, being just me. And also that I could drink a few beers and get past that trauma too. I can find a middle ground, I don’t need to get hammered but also I don’t need to never have alcohol again.”Jared nods back. “I’m glad to hear that. And I’ve told you before, Jen. A part of you is still there. While you figure out who the new you are, you’re also finding again the person you always were and got lost inside yourself when your life turned upside down.”“Yeah, I guess you’re right tho. It feels good getting back in touch with pieces of my old self. But I’m also enjoying figuring out a new side of myself, actually. I don’t think this new Jensen is too bad. Do you?”Jared smiles kindly at Jensen. “I think he’s the best guy ever. Oh and now that you’re drinking beer again, we have got to get a keg stand for our next party. I have yet to beat your ass in it!”Jensen frowns at it. “Me? Doing a keg stand like this? How?”Jared gives Jensen a bitchy face. “Tell me one reason why you wouldn’t be able to do a keg stand if you use your arms to hold onto the handles and two dudes would hold your legs up while you drink. I mean, you wouldn’t be able to give an impulse or kick your legs once you’re done but we can adapt with that.”Jensen frowns as he looks at Jared, he had never considered that. It always amazes Jensen how Jared makes everything so easy, always finding things that Jensen can still do.“Yeah, you’re actually right. Who could say that I’m still able to beat you at keg standing then? Let’s make sure that happens soon so it’s 3-0!”Jared pokes Jensen’s stomach with his big toe. “In your dreams, Ackles! The tables will be turned in our rematch and I’ll finally kick your ass!”Jensen pouts. “Aw come on! You can’t do that to your gimpy friend!’Jared laughs. “Oh hell no! Don’t throw the gimp card, that won’t work with me my friend! I won’t have mercy on you and you get no privileges, legs working or not! All bets are off at keg standing!”Jensen chuckles and squeezes Jared’s foot again. He can’t get enough of how normally Jared treats him, which is something he truly needs.*A few days later Chad contacts Jensen and lets him know he talked to his friend who has a publisher, and the guy was very interested in his artwork. Chad gives Jensen the contact info of the guy, and they set up a Zoom meeting so they can chat for a bit. Jensen is nervous before the meeting, but Jared reassures him that it will be fine, there’s no way the guy won’t like him and he already showed interest in Jensen’s work. Jensen asks Jared to please stay nearby as he talks to the guy, so Jared sits on the table kitty-corner from Jensen so he’s out of the camera range from Jensen’s laptop.The conversation goes well, better than Jensen expected. Jensen tells the guy, Rob, a little bit about himself. How he has always liked drawing and had a natural talent but didn’t pursue that in college because of his dad’s pressure, and also because he was more interested in playing basketball. Jensen tells Rob how he recently had a serious accident and ended up paralyzed from the waist down, and is now looking for a new path in life, even considering studying graphic design in the future. How Jensen needs something that he can do from home at least for now, since it’s tricky for him to have to commute to work since he’s in a wheelchair and can’t drive yet.“I’m sorry to hear about your accident Jensen,” Rob says in a sympathetic tone. “But it’s good that you’re getting things together and looking for a new path. I really like your work, the pieces Chad showed me are amazing. I’m looking for some new artists to illustrate our productions and your style is just what we need. What I can offer you is a freelance job, I tell you what I need, we discuss the price, you give me the art and I pay for it. And it’s definitely good for you since you can totally work remotely, you don’t need to come to the publisher. I can even recommend you to some people I know who run websites and stuff, and are always looking for artists as well. Since you won’t have a contract with me, you can definitely do some jobs for other people. Are you interested in it?”Jensen can see from the corner of his eye how Jared is smiling from ear to ear behind the screen, even doing a little dance, and it’s hard not to break into a laugh and look at Jared. Jensen feels like dancing himself, this is too good to be true. So he offers Rob a smile and thanks him, saying that yes, he is totally interested in it. Rob says he will be in touch soon to commission the first pieces, and also promises to share Jensen’s contact information and portfolio with his friends. Once the call ends, Jared wastes no time pushing the laptop out of the way and shooting from his chair to wrap Jensen in a hug so forceful that his chair rolls backwards a bit.“Hey there!” Jensen exclaims as he wraps his arms around Jared and smiles.“Jen, that’s so awesome!” Jared yells in Jensen's ear as he holds him tighter. “I’m so happy for you, you’re gonna be so successful!” They finally break apart and Jared pulls his chair closer to Jensen, then sits down again and takes Jensen’s hand. “I knew he was gonna love you. You’ll see, soon you’ll be drawing nonstop and making some good money. Are you happy?”Jensen nods, feeling warm inside, and it irradiates from the point Jared is touching his hand. “I guess I am, yeah. And I’m hopeful, which is something I haven’t felt in a while. At least about my career. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do anything but I guess there’s a whole new path opening up in front of me. And you were right, I am finally free of my father and can do whatever I want, within my limitations. Today is definitely a good day. And I have you and Chad to thank for it. I’ll call him later to tell him how it went and thank him again for arranging me this job.”“I told you I have the best of friends.”Jared orders pizza for dinner to celebrate Jensen’s new beginning and also suggests that Jensen creates an account on Deviantart so he can share his work and maybe also get more commissions from folks online, and Jensen truly likes this idea. It’s definitely great to start feeling useful again.*Jensen starts getting art requests from Rob not too long after, they discuss how much Jensen will be paid for each piece, which is a good amount, and make a contract for each art. Jensen feels excited to get to work, and spends most of the following mornings hunched over the dinning table working on his tablet, ending up getting scolded by Jared for staying in one position for too long. Jensen apologizes and claims he tends to get lost in his head when he’s working and forgets about everything else. He knows he needs to pull himself up from the chair from time to time to take the pressure off his butt, but he sometimes has trouble remembering to do that.And then Jared arrives home after classes a couple of days later, carrying a big box. Jensen lifts his head from his tablet to eye the box.“What’s that?”Jared smiles at Jensen. “A present to you. To celebrate your new career.”Jensen frowns, his heart skips a beat. “Jay, you didn’t have to give me anything at all. You are the one who helped me get this job to begin with.”Jared nods. “I know, I know. But this is something I really, really wanted to give you. I think it will be of a good help to you here, especially now that you’ll be spending a long time drawing.”Jensen backs away from the table and wheels closer to the box. “Okay, now I’m curious. What is it?”Jared does a little jump and opens the box, fishing out some parts of something that needs assembling. It hits Jensen then, what is it that Jared got him, and his heart almost jumps out of his chest. He looks at Jared with widened eyes.“Jared you did not get me a fucking standing frame!”Jared smiles widely. “I did! It’s not brand new or anything because those are very expensive–”“I know that!!”“...so I was able to negotiate a second hand one at the clinic, they had one there that wasn’t being used so they sold it to me for a much more affordable price.”Jensen’s jaw drops as he stares at Jared, not believing what his friend did. “Jared, I can’t believe you got me a standing frame. For the apartment.”“You can believe it. Like I said, it will be good for you now. You can spend some time on it while you’re drawing, that way you won’t stay in your chair for hours and lose track of time, risking a pressure sore on your delicate butt or getting your legs all stiff.”Jensen scoffs. “That’s insane, oh my God. You didn’t have to do that.”“I know, I didn’t. I wanted to, tho. Do you like it, Jen?”Jared gives him a hopeful look, as if he’s afraid Jensen will scold him for giving Jensen something so important to him and that will improve his daily life so much.“Like it doesn’t begin to cut it. I have no words for this. Thank you so much for this gift, Jay. Means a lot. Now come here you giant child!”Jared jumps and bends down to hug Jensen, who holds his friend tight and thanks him again. They manage to assemble the frame together and Jensen tries it. He can already tell it’s gonna be awesome for him when he spends a long time working on his arts, he can actually do it standing up and stretching his body while he draws. Jared is so awesome that Jensen almost explodes with the intensity of it.
Jared
On Friday, as Jensen is at the rehab clinic with Jared and doing some exercises on the mat, Jared breaks the silence.“So today I need to drop you off at home and go back to campus.”Jensen frowns. “How come?”“Extra b-ball practice. We have an important game tomorrow and Jeff asked us to go back later today.”Jensen nods and doesn’t say anything anymore, and Jared can tell he’s pensive but doesn’t push him. When they're done with the session Jensen changes into street clothes, which he doesn't usually do since they always head home straight from the clinic. He's even wearing the hoodie Jared gave him - which Jared loves to see. Jared doesn't ask any questions, and as they get in the car to drive home Jensen turns to him.“Jay, I’ve been thinking.” Jared just lifts an eyebrow and waits, he can see Jensen is nervous about something. “I thought I could go watch the practice today.”Jared’s eyes almost fall off his face. “What?? Are you for real?? You want to go watch the b-ball practice and show yourself to the whole team?”Jensen nods and shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. I think it’s time they know what really happened. You’ve been helping and encouraging me a lot, and I think I feel ready for this step.”Jared feels so proud of Jensen his heart almost soars away. “You serious? You do know that after you out yourself to the team, word about your disability will probably spread around like wildfire right?”“I know. But I can’t hide forever. I’m nervous as fuck because it’s so huge, but I want to face this. It’s time.”Jared opens up a huge smile and reaches out to squeeze Jensen’s shoulder. “Let’s do it together, then.” Jared starts the engine, driving to campus. He doesn’t speak much, just allows Jensen to prepare before they arrive. As Jared turns into the campus, Jensen looks even more nervous. He parks the car close to the court and Jensen stares deeply at it, many emotions passing on his face.“Jen, you sure you’re ready for this? It’s okay if you aren’t, you made it this far already.”Jensen looks at Jared and blinks a few times, giving him a nervous smile. “I’m sure. It’s hard, but I want to do it. It’s an important step for me.”Jared nods and leaves the car to get Jensen’s chair. He waits as his friend transfers to it, and looks around to see if anyone is arriving but the area is deserted. Jared is right on time for practice, so he imagines everyone else is already inside, which will cause much more impact to Jensen’s entrance. As Jared locks the car and they head to the entrance of the court, he turns to Jensen.“Jen, do you want me to give the team a heads up about what happened before you go see them?”Jensen lets out a breath and shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. I think I’d rather face them head on. Just go and let them know I’m here, please.”“You sure?”Jensen nods. “Yep. I need to start learning how to deal with it. I won't always have someone to give people a heads up about me so they won't act weird. I need to get used to the surprised and shocked stares. So no, please don't alert them beforehand. I want to face their genuine reaction upon seeing me in the wheelchair. I think it’s important.”Jared smiles and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “I think that's very brave of you. I’ll go inside and let them know you’re here, then.”Jared leaves Jensen alone for a bit and heads inside. He finds his teammates mingling around waiting for practice to start, some are shooting some hoops and he spots Jeff talking to the assistant coach. He walks to the center of the court and gets everyone’s attention.“Hey guys! Can you come over here for a moment, please?”Jeff notices Jared and walks to him. “What’s up Padalecki? Practice is starting in a few.”“I know, coach. It’s just that… well. I wanted to let you guys know that Jensen is here tonight. He wanted to come visit you guys and watch the practice.”Jeff’s eyes widen. “Ackles is here? What for? After abandoning the team he wants to come pay a visit? Did he contact you?”Jared shakes his head. “Coach, look. Just… hear Jensen out first, okay? You’ll understand what happened when you see him.”Jeff frowns. “What's that supposed to mean?”Jared holds up a hand. “Just wait here. I’ll go get Jensen.”Jared runs outside, where Jensen is waiting. He’s gripping the rims of his wheels tight, a sign that he’s very nervous. Jared touches his shoulder again. “I told them you’re here. Are you ready?”Jensen lets out a few breaths. “Not really. I feel like puking. But let’s go. Lead the way, please.”Jared nods and heads back inside, hearing as Jensen follows him. Jared can see how everyone is looking in their direction, and can tell the exact moment they spot Jensen as every single pair of eyes widen in shock, and all jaws drop. Jared slows down his pace so Jensen catches up and wheels side by side with him. He looks at Jensen and can see how extremely nervous his friend is, but he can also see how he holds his head high up, his chin is lifted, back straight and Jared is damn proud of him. It’s up to you how others see you.They finally approach the small gathering, and Jensen clears his throat. “Hey guys. Long time no see huh?”Jeff takes a step forward and eyes Jensen, a look of pure shock on his face as he clears his throat. “Jensen? What… what happened?”Jensen purses his lips. “Can we sit down so I can tell you guys about this? Or we can do it after the practice if you’re on time for it.”Jeff shakes his head. “Oh no, practice will wait. Let’s go to the bleachers so we can talk.”Jensen nods and everyone moves to sit down on the lower levels of the bleachers. Jensen wheels closer to them and motions for Jared to grab a nearby chair. Jared gets the memo and sits down right next to Jensen, who looks at all the expectant faces. He links his fingers and leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees.“Okay, so… I know this is a shock to all of you. But I felt it was time to share what happened to me. I know some of you guys heard a while ago that I had an accident of some sorts and moved away. Only the first part was true. I did have an accident a few months ago, a very serious car accident. I was in the hospital with my life hanging by a thread for a while. And as a consequence I sustained a spinal cord injury that left me paralyzed from the waist down.” Everyone looks extremely shocked at Jensen’s revelation, and he goes on. “I didn’t want anyone to know what happened, that’s why I asked my close friends to spread the rumor that I moved away and just left the team. I went through an extremely hard phase, and only now I’m finally starting to come to terms with it.” Jensen focuses on Jeff. “Coach, I know you were mad at me for thinking I abandoned the team. I’m sorry about that, but I just wasn’t ready to tell anyone the truth.”Jeff scoots forward on the bench. “Holy shit, Jensen. I could never imagine. I’m so sorry about this. I feel like crap now after thinking so badly of you.”Jensen chuckles. “It’s okay, not your fault. It was my choice not telling you the truth, which I'm sharing now. It’s not that I didn’t want to play and chose to just drop out of the team without telling anyone.” Jensen makes a motion to his legs, his voice dropping a notch. “I just… well, I can’t walk anymore.” Jared watches how Jensen’s gaze travels around the court for a moment and focuses on the basket, and a longing expression forms on his face. He swallows hard before facing everyone again. “It’s not easy for me to be here. I miss playing like I miss air. It’s damn hard not being able to jump and dunk a ball anymore. It took some courage to be able to put my wheels in here after everything. But I’m trying to face the challenges now. Jared helped encourage me.”Jeff turns to Jared. “How long have you known about this?”Jared shrugs. “A few months. I found out a few weeks after I returned from Paris. Jensen is my patient at the rehab clinic and now we’re roommates.”Jeff’s eyes widen. “And how come you didn’t tell me?”Jared opens his mouth to try and defend himself but Jensen beats him to it. “I asked him not to, Jeff. Like I said, I didn’t want anyone to know. I wasn’t ready for it. I know it was hard for Jared, he knew you resented me for leaving the team without an explanation and he wanted to tell you the truth, but he didn’t because he promised me he wouldn’t. I wanted to show myself to you guys on my own terms, and in my own time. Jared has been the most important person in my life during these past months, and like I said he gave me courage to come here tonight. It’s not easy to get in here in a wheelchair and shock all of you, to be the center of attention like this, but I knew it was an important step. That’s why I’m here. I also felt like supporting Jared on his practice, which is also important to him. So now you know what really happened to me. I never meant to abandon the team, coach. More than anything I wanted to still be part of it. But I became paraplegic and just can’t play anymore, that’s all. And only now I feel ready to share this.”Everyone stays in silence for a while, processing everything that Jensen just said. Then Jeff gets up and approaches Jensen, crouching down next to him.“Son, I’m sorry again about what happened. And I’m glad you felt confident enough to come here tonight and tell us, I can see it wasn’t easy for you. We can talk some more later if you wish. I’m very happy that you’re here, and despite everything that you’re still with us after a horrible accident. I need to start practice now so it won’t get too late, but you’re staying right?”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I’m staying. I need to make sure Padalecki is doing a good job as power forward.”Jeff chuckles and pats Jensen’s shoulder, then sends everyone to warm up.
Jensen
The team starts heading to the court to start practice, and Jared is the last one to leave. He gets up from the chair and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder.“You gonna be okay?”Jensen nods. “I am. You can go, I’ll be here.”Jared smiles and finally takes off, and Jensen positions himself to face the court, watching everyone warming up and listening to Jeff’s instructions. Jensen lets out a breath, feeling a lot of mixed things inside him. It’s still very hard for him to be here, to see the team getting ready for practice but not being able to get up and join them. It’s probably the hardest part for Jensen, not having the choice to do what he always loved the most. He watches as practice starts and Jared takes the position Jensen once stole from him. It feels wrong somehow. He should be the one dunking the balls, receiving them from Jared.Jensen can see how Jared’s gaze travels to him sometimes, and he wonders if Jared feels the same. If something is missing for him as well, if he wishes Jensen was there with him even if he had to change positions when Jensen was playing, if he wishes they could be J-Squared on the court again. Jensen wonders if Jared misses playing with him just as much as he misses playing with Jared. But Jensen tries to swallow down those emotions, this is all in the past for Jensen now, it belongs to another life and he needs to get used to it. He also feels happy and proud of himself for having the courage to come here and show his new self to everyone, to talk to his old team. To know that soon everyone will probably know what happened and he will much likely face lots of questions, but it’s okay. Maybe he doesn’t need to feel so ashamed of his body and wheelchair. Maybe he can get there.Jensen notices there are some balls in a basket near him, so he wheels over and grabs one. He can’t quite hold his emotions inside anymore as he touches a basketball for the first time after his injury. His eyes well up when his fingers itch to throw the ball, to get up, run to the basket and dunk it, but his legs won’t move for that. The familiarity of the ball in his hands sends a shiver through his body, even the parts he can barely feel. Jensen suddenly feels a deep urge to just play, it doesn’t matter how. Jared is right, the player Jensen once was will always be inside him. Maybe Jensen is making this much harder than it has to be. Basketball is basketball, it doesn’t matter if he’s standing or sitting, he can still play. In that moment Jensen feels a deep need to be on the court again and not just on the sidelines, watching others play. He needs to be part of it. Maybe it’s time to really consider trying out wheelchair basketball.The practice ends a while later and the players all go to the locker room. As Jensen waits for Jared to be ready to go, Jeff approaches him and sits on the bleacher. Jensen repositions his chair so he’s facing Jeff, the basketball still on his lap.“How you're really doing son?” Jeff asks as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.Jensen sighs, swirling the ball in his hands. “I've been worse. But it's slowly getting better now. Or not that bad, I don’t know. I feel like I at least can get my head above water and breathe for a bit. It's not easy but I'm trying, which is the most I can do at the moment. It’s still too recent, Jeff. It takes a while to come to terms with this new reality.”Jeff nods. “It can’t be remotely easy to have your whole life turned upside down at such a young age. I could never in a hundred years imagine that this is what happened to you. I can still see you running and jumping to dunk a ball. I’m sorry, it still feels a bit surreal to imagine you in a wheelchair.”Jensen scoffs. “Tell me about it. It’s also hard for me to see myself like this and understand that this is who I am now.”“I can only imagine. So anyway… you and Jared ended up becoming friends after all.”Jensen smiles fondly as he thinks about Jared. “Jared is… I don’t know. Yeah, I was wary at first when he found out about it, it was a big coincidence. But he has been vital for my physical and mental recovery. I even moved to his apartment because I was having trouble at home and he welcomed me with open arms. Jared has been helping so much during this, I don't know what I'd do without him to be honest."Jeff chuckles. “How ironic that the guy you had the most problems with, is now so close to you.”Jensen nods. “Yeah, life has some weird plot twists like that. I'm lucky to have found him again when I needed it the most.”Jeff looks down at the ball in Jensen’s hands, and makes a motion with his head. “Have you thought about trying wheelchair basketball? We have a team here, you know that don't you? I assist the coach sometimes, it's pretty cool. The guys play pretty hard.”Jensen sighs. “I do. I have thought about it. I'm trying to gather courage to try it, it's just hard to think about playing b-ball in a different way than what I always loved. Dunno if I'm ready to face a whole team yet. But I really miss it, and I felt the loss and the will to try again even stronger by being here today.”“You could come watch a game. There’s one tomorrow after our game. And you could just try it for yourself first. Come, borrow a sports wheelchair and just see how you feel. Maybe bring Jared with you. Start slowly, you don't need to sign up for the team right away.”Jensen nods. “Yeah, that could work.”At that, Jared comes back and says he’s ready to go. He also eyes the ball on Jensen’s lap, who takes it back to the basket he got it from.“It’s my cue to leave, coach.” Jensen says to Jeff, who nods and gets up. He offers a hand to Jensen, who takes it.“Thank you for coming today, Jensen. I’m very glad to see you again and to learn you never meant to abandon us, though I wish it wasn’t due to an injury like that. But I know you’ll be okay. Show up anytime you want, okay? And think about what I suggested.”Jensen nods and gives Jeff a smile. “Will do, coach. See ya.”Jensen wheels next to Jared to the parking lot, both in silence. Jensen gets into the car and waits for Jared to get his chair in the backseat, then he joins Jensen. As he drives off, Jared finally looks at Jensen and speaks.“How was it Jen? How are you feeling?”Jensen lets out a breath. “Not easy. But I’m so happy I did this, Jay. I feel lighter somehow. Like this is behind me and I survived. It also wasn’t easy to watch the practice and not be able to play, but I’m trying to make my peace with it.”Jared stops at a red light and gives Jensen a serious look. “I caught some glimpses of the look on your face as you held that basketball Jen. I could see the emotions there.”Jensen nods. “Yeah. Something stirred in me as I held that ball in my hands after so long. It felt like…” Jensen’s gaze shifts from Jared, to focus on the street ahead of him. “Like something was waking up inside of me. The player that’s still in here somewhere. My hands itched to play again, I felt an urge to play again, it doesn’t matter how I do it.”Jensen looks at Jared again and can see his friend smiling. “Does that mean you’re gonna try wheelchair basketball?”“I think so. I want to. Sometime soon, hopefully. I talked to Jeff, who also suggested it, and I said I don’t think I’m ready to face a whole team yet. He said I could try by myself first, go to the court and just see how I feel. He also suggested you come with me.” Jensen blinks a few times at Jared, giving him an uncertain look. “Would you come with me if I decide to try it?”Jared smiles wider. “Do you even have to ask? Do you have any doubt I would be right there with you when you decide to let your inner player out again?”Jensen nods and smiles back. “Yeah, I know you will. Maybe this will be my next figurative step.”Jared reaches out and touches Jensen’s forearm. “And I’ll be there to take it with you.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
On the next day, Jared is preparing to leave for the game in about an hour, and Jensen wheels into his bedroom while Jared is getting some things into his duffel.“Nervous for today?”Jared turns to face Jensen and smiles at him. “A bit. Houston is a bit hard to beat, so I don’t know. I hope I can make a good match.”“I remember when we beat them. That was a good game.”Jared nods and looks down. “Yeah. J-Squared did a good job that day.”Jensen clears his throat, trying not to get overwhelmed with feelings. “So… is your family coming to watch the game?”Jared shakes his head. “Oh no. They don’t usually come, they’re kinda busy with work and stuff to come all the way from San An. They only come when it’s like a very important game or something. Chad usually goes but he has to work today.”Jensen frowns and just nods, leaving Jared’s bedroom and going to his own. He feels torn, he didn’t intend on going to the game because it’s still hard for him to watch a match without being there playing, especially with his former team. It was already enough of a challenge to go to practice yesterday. So he planned on staying put for now and hopefully gather courage to go soon. But the way Jared said there will be nobody close to him to watch the game, made Jensen’s heart sting. Jensen knows that Jared would like for Jensen to go, but he would never ask that from him. And Jared has been so fucking incredibly amazing to Jensen, he does everything for him. He invited Jensen to come live with him, helped him get a job, he even went and got Jensen a standing frame so he can stand up at home. Hell, Jared literally saved Jensen’s life. Everything that Jared does for him is amazing.So Jensen can suck it up and retribute it, can’t he? He can be there for Jared in an important moment for him, showing his support. It’s the least he can do. Jensen knows it won’t be easy, there’s a big chance he will run into people he knew before from campus and will have to face questions and surprised stares, people will finally find out what happened to him. But he can go through that for Jared. He can be brave for Jared. Plus it’s time, anyway. He doesn’t want to hide anymore.So Jensen makes up his mind and goes to the bathroom for his bladder routine before leaving, then gets changed into jeans, a button down and shoes, and by the time Jared leaves his bedroom he finds Jensen all dressed up and waiting in the living room. He frowns at his friend.“You going somewhere?”Jensen shrugs. “I heard Austin is playing Houston today. Thought I might check it out. Would you mind giving me a ride?”Jared’s jaw drops. “Are you for real? You’re gonna watch the game? Even if you know you may encounter lots of people there and it can get awkward for you?”Jensen lets out a breath and nods. “Yeah. I can try and face that. I want to support you, Jay. You’ve done so much for me, I want to show you that I also care about you. I’ll go so you have a familiar face in the crowd.”Jared blinks at Jensen a few times. “Jen, you don’t have to do that. I don't do things for you expecting payback. You know that, right?”Jensen nods. “I do. But I want to. I want to do it for you. And people will always look at me and feel weird about my wheelchair. Like I said before, I just need to get used to it. I can’t be cooped up inside forever because of how others will react to me. Of course watching a match won’t be easy, but I want to do it for you. And I’m sure about it, before you ask.”Jared doesn’t say anything for a couple of heartbeats, and the smile he finally gives Jensen makes the sacrifice so worth it. “Let’s go then! It’s gonna be so cool!”Jared blabbers nonstop during the car ride, like he senses that Jensen needs the distraction. He talks about the upcoming game and Jensen even gives some input from what he remembers from the Houston team, so hopefully they’ll have a better chance at winning. As they get to campus Jensen is even more nervous with the prospect of facing so many people. Jared parks the car and they head to the court, and Jensen secretly has doubts about this idea. But he doesn’t even voice them to Jared, and keeps up with the plan. He can do this, he won’t chicken out now.They enter the court and Jensen discreetly positions himself next to the bleachers closer to the entrance, so he doesn’t even have to cross the court since there are a good number of people there already. Jared turns to him and touches his shoulder.“Jen, will you be okay here?”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I guess so. You can go get changed, I’ll survive.”Jared smiles and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder affectionately, then takes off for the locker room. Jeff is nearby and he spots Jensen, coming over to talk to him.“Nice to see you came to the game, Jensen! It’s so good to have you back here. I’d love to announce your presence here today but I have a feeling you wouldn’t want that.”Jensen shakes his head. “Oh God, please don’t do that. I know it’s very likely that people will spot me here but I’d rather not attract more attention to myself than I already will.”Jeff nods. “Of course. I’ll leave you to it then, I need to go talk to the team in the locker room.”Jensen nods and as Jeff takes off, he tries to concentrate on his phone so he doesn’t have to look at anyone. Of course it doesn’t take long for someone to come talk to him.“Jensen? Is that really you?”Jensen grimaces and looks up, finding a couple of guys he had some classes and hung out with a few times, Mike and Jason if he remembers correctly. He gives them an awkward smile.“Yeah, last time I checked.”Mike gives Jensen an onceover. “Wow dude. What happened?”Jensen shrugs. “Had an accident a few months ago. I have this ride now.” Jensen pats one of his wheels.Jason looks at him with widened eyes. “We had no idea, you just disappeared and we heard you moved away.”“Yeah, it’s what I wanted people to think. Just had some tough few months but now I’m starting to get out there.”“Oh. And is this a permanent thing? You’re not gonna be able to play anymore?”Mike slaps Jason’s arm and gives him a harsh look. “Dude, come on. You shouldn’t be asking that, you don’t know if he wants to talk about it or not.”Jensen smiles at the guy, feeling grateful for that. “It’s okay tho. I guess I need to get used to these questions. Yes, it’s permanent. And no I won’t be able to play. At least not as I did before.”“Oh that sucks man, I’m sorry. Okay, we’ll leave you alone for now. Good to see you again.”Jensen nods and the dudes leave. He lets out a breath, he just survived his first awkward interaction with an old college acquaintance. A few more people stop by to talk to Jensen, who tries to be polite and answer the basic questions. Hopefully word will spread around enough that Jensen won’t have to give the same speech a thousand times. Thankfully the teams appear at the court soon and the game starts, Jared sending Jensen a lot of looks. Jensen tries to encourage Jared with smiles and thumbs up.It’s definitely not easy for Jensen to watch the match. Something deep stirs inside of him, his heart hurts, and he wishes he could join Jared. Jensen realizes that he doesn’t really want to join the team as much as he wants to play with Jared again. They were so damn good together, they had such amazing chemistry. God, Jensen misses that.But he does notice that Jared is flying today. His gaze often travels to Jensen’s direction, which pretty much always results in a perfect play from Jared and more points on the score for Austin. Jensen doesn’t know how Jared has been playing lately, but tonight he’s almost unbeatable, pretty much how he was when they played together at their finest. It’s beautiful to see and Jensen is proud of him despite the longing of wishing to be there.From time to time Jensen’s gaze wanders around the court and he can see that some people have recognized him, he can see the stares and the talks. Jensen tries not to let it bother him so much, he knew this would happen. It’s only natural that people feel curious, nobody knew about the accident and the injury per Jensen’s own request. So this reaction was to be expected, it doesn’t mean it’s easy though.When the game goes to half-time Jared jogs towards Jensen, which of course attracts even more attention to Jensen but he doesn’t care. Jared crouches down in front of Jensen with a huge smile on his face.“How you liking the game so far, Jen?”Jensen smiles. “It’s great, Jay. You’re incredible today.”Jared shrugs with one shoulder and looks intensely at Jensen. “Maybe I’m more inspired today.” Before Jensen can reply, Jared continues. “Anyone recognized you?”Jensen chuckles, looking around and noticing how pretty much the whole audience is looking at them. “Jay, everyone has recognized me by now. Especially now that you’re here. It’s okay, though. I was expecting it, I knew it would happen if I came here.”Jared looks around him and someone shouts IT’S J-SQUARED!. That prompts everyone to start shouting too, the whole crowd chants J-Squared! J-Squared! J-Squared!, and Jensen’s eyes well up as he hears it after so long, his jaw clenching. It’s the first time after his injury and also the first time after his relationship with Jared had an 180º turn. Jared of course notices Jensen’s emotions and places a gentle hand on his knee.“Jen, you okay?”Jensen nods and swallows hard. It’s bittersweet, at the same time as it’s not easy hearing that and being here, he also missed it so much. “I am. I promise. It’s nice hearing that.
People are still shouting and Jensen manages to offer a small wave to everyone with an awkward smile. Jared gives Jensen a smile as well and stands up, placing a hand on his shoulder again and turning to the bleachers. He points deliberately at Jensen, making a funny face to everyone with his mouth hanging open, as if Jared himself can’t believe that Jensen is here. The crowd cheers louder for a few moments, and when everyone finally calms down Jared turns to Jensen again.“I need to go to the locker room for a few. Are you gonna be okay here? For real?”“I will, Jay. Everyone has seen me by now. It’s fine. Go and talk to the coach.”Jared nods and takes off to the locker room. As Jensen waits, more people walk over to talk to him, and soon there’s a small group gathered around him, everyone wishing to have a word. Jensen would rather not go through that, but he’s not deeply bothered by it. He tries to understand that people are curious, it’s a shock to suddenly see someone you knew before reappear with a very obvious disability. So he answers everyone with the basics, that yes he had an accident, yes it’s most likely permanent, no he won’t be playing again for the team, and yes he may try wheelchair basketball. Most people are very kind to him, wishing him the best and saying it’s good to see him again. Some also ask if he’s returning to the uni, and Jensen answers honestly that he doesn’t know yet. He probably will, he just needs to get himself together first. Jensen can also see some pity looks directed at him but tries his best to ignore those, he knows he will always attract those kinds of looks and he won’t waste energy telling people he doesn’t need pity from anyone.The game restarts, and Jared plays even better than the first half. He carries the team and gives no chance to Houston, always looking at Jensen between plays, and Jensen in return always smiles back encouragingly. The game ends with Austin crushing Houston with an epic win, Jared having scored almost all points. The home crowd goes insane and once again starts chanting J-Squared! J-Squared!, which actually prompts a smile from Jensen.Jared again runs towards Jensen, and bends down for a tight hug. “Jen! We won, did you see that??”Jensen laughs as he hugs Jared back. “Dude! You’re all sweaty!”Jared rubs himself even more on Jensen. “You love my musk!”Jensen clears his throat and gently pushes Jared away, since there are some feelings stirring inside of him that don’t have place right now. He gives Jared an embarrassed smile.“You were great, Jay! I’m so proud of you, you guys crushed Houston! You’re even a decent power forward, almost as good as me.”Jared laughs. “Ha, you wish!” Then he smiles kindly at Jensen. “Thanks for coming here today. It means a lot.”Jensen smiles back. “I’m glad I came too. Look, I know there’s a wheelchair b-ball game starting soon. You mind if we stick around to watch that too?”Jared smiles even wider. “Of course not! I’d love to! Lemme just go take a shower and I’ll be right back!”As Jensen waits he chats with even more people as everyone passes by him to leave the court. A lot of them say that they hope to see Jensen again soon, and he feels like something more just unclenched from inside of him. People have seen him, they know about his disability, and the world didn’t explode. Jensen knows he will probably be the trending topic in the university for the next few days, and it’s okay. Jensen is finally starting to feel at peace with himself, it’s still a long journey but he knows he’s wheeling in the right direction. And he has a lot to thank that giant shaggy haired dude who won’t ever shut up for. Jared was the treasure that Jensen found after the troubled storm he went through. It feels like only a light rain now.Jared finally comes back after about twenty minutes, a lot of people have left the court but a good part have stayed probably for the next game, and some new folks are arriving as well. Jensen can also see some players of the wheelchair team arriving, and he can’t help watching them. Most of them are in wheelchairs of course, but there are also some walking on leg prostheses. Jared gets Jensen’s attention as he stops next to him.“Ready for the next game?” Jensen nods. “Want to go to the bleachers with me? Or if you’d rather stay here, I can get a stool.”Jensen shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. Let’s go.”They move to the bleachers and Jared sits down on the lower level. Jensen decides to join Jared so he transfers to the bleacher, placing the cushion of his chair under his butt.Jared smiles at him and places a hand over Jensen’s. “So, Jen. How did you really feel today?”Jensen lets out a breath. “Pretty good, actually. A bit overwhelmed too. Of course it wasn’t easy, but it was mostly good. It feels like I’ve taken another step. Or wheel, as I like to put it. I don’t have to hide my paraplegia anymore, people know about me already. Pretty sure the whole campus will hear about it within the next few hours. I’m still not 100% comfortable with my disability, but I’m learning not to be ashamed of it. It’s not easy but I don’t want to hide inside the house forever in fear of what people will say. And you were right when you said that I’m the one who decides how others will see me. I’m not gonna lower my head so people will pity me.”Jared wraps an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and squeezes him. “Jen, I’m so proud of you! You took a huge wheel today indeed! And you’ll see, when you start playing again it will be even better. I’m sure people will want to come just to watch you play!”Jensen chuckles. “That’s way ahead of us. Let’s not rush things.”Jared smiles again and lets go of Jensen’s shoulders. “Okay so, I have something for you.”Jensen frowns. “What?”Jared reaches for his duffel and rummages inside. He comes out with the folded jersey he was wearing to the game, and offers it to Jensen.“I know it’s all sweaty and stuff. But I hope you don’t mind. I wanted you to have my jersey since this game was so symbolic.”Jensen cocks his head to the side. “Was it?”Jared nods, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. “Of course it was. I dunno if you noticed it, but I played like I haven’t played in a long time. In fact Jen, the last time I played so perfectly like this was with you when we were at our finest, way over a year ago.” Jensen just blinks at him. “And you know what I realized? It doesn’t matter that we weren’t playing together. It was the fact that you were here. You inspired me, Jen. I’d look at you here and feel ready to give my best. The crowd was totally right. We are still J-Squared. Doesn’t matter if we are playing together physically. You played with me today, Jen. Even if you were on the sidelines watching from your wheelchair, you were also on the court and you won that game with me, like my lucky charm.” Jensen feels his throat closing up with the sudden emotion that erupts inside of him, Jared’s words having caught him unguarded. He can’t say anything and Jared offers the jersey again. “Take it. Open it.”Jensen grabs the jersey and carefully unfolds it. He turns it around and can see something on the back. There’s the name Padalecki printed in bold letters across the top part of the jersey. And right under it, he can see how Jared added “+ Ackles” with a marker. And under the number, he also added “= J-Squared 4ever!”.Jensen can’t hold his emotions back anymore as he reads the shirt, and what it represents. He lowers it and holds it tight in his hands, a tear falls down his cheek and he purses his lips as he looks up at Jared, whose eyes are also shining.“That’s amazing, Jay. I have no words.”Jared blinks and squeezes Jensen’s hand. “We’ll play together again, Jen. You’ll see.”Jensen nods, feeling hopeful inside. He has an idea to symbolize even more this important moment. “I want to do something. Scoot over Jay so I can spread the jersey here.”Jared does as asked and scoots a bit further from Jensen, who carefully spreads the jersey between them. He grabs his phone and takes a picture of it, showing the additions Jared made to it. He then opens Instagram, which is something he hasn’t done ever since he deleted his photos right after the accident. First he searches for Jared’s account and follows him, then he selects the photo he just took to post. Jared scoots back closer to Jensen to see what he’s doing, holding the shirt in his hands, and Jensen shows him the screen. Jared smiles as he sees Jensen quickly editing the photo and writing a small caption: The J-Squared Jam is still kickin’, Ackles is back in the game! He adds a basketball and the wheelchair blue symbol emojis, tags Jared over his own name on the jersey and shows it to him, who gives the okay. Jensen posts the photo and smiles as he looks at it. It’s definitely one of the good days.
*As they ride home after the game, Jensen is lost in thoughts. He thinks about the game they just watched. He has never watched a wheelchair basketball match before, and he was surprised. Despite the obvious fact that all players are in chairs, the game is pretty brutal. They don’t go easy on each other at all, they bump into other players, even knock others to the ground. And they just get back up and carry on with the game like nothing happened. Of course it’s far from regular basketball, there’s no jumping and dunking a ball like Jensen is used to. But it’s also possible, it’s also competitive. It’s also basketball.Jensen knows it was very important to watch a game like that. He didn’t stay for too long after the match ended, he asked Jared for them to leave since he was pretty overwhelmed with everything.“So?” Jared asks as they stop at a red light. “Ready to try out wheelchair b-ball? That was pretty rad, huh?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. I really like it. But as I said, I’d rather start slowly. I don’t want to face a whole team yet, I’d like to start getting used to it again.”“We can come over after rehab one of these days when there aren’t any practices going on at the court. So it will be just us.”“Yeah, I’d like that.”Jared smiles. “Okay so, wanna stop by Pizza Hut to grab one for dinner? There’s still some beer in the fridge.”“I’m game.”*Jensen spends the next few days trying to gather courage for his next figurative step. He wants to do it, he craves to play ever since he got in touch with basketball again. He spends a while reading the rules for wheelchair basketball while he isn’t working on his arts or at rehab. He knows Jared has been doing it too, they’ve been discussing the rules together and watching some matches. Jared has claimed he wants to know everything about Jensen’s new world, which made Jensen happy.Finally Jensen asks Jared to check if the court will be empty tomorrow evening so they can go practice for a bit. Jared is happy to hear about it, and promises to check it. As Jared arrives home after classes and before they go to the clinic, he lets Jensen know they can have the court for themselves tomorrow, and Jensen is anxious and nervous with the prospect.In the evening after they arrive home and have dinner, Jensen goes to his room to pack some things for the basketball practice tomorrow. He starts going through some of his stuff and finds his old jerseys and shorts, he hasn’t touched them since before the accident, having just packed the items blindly alongside his other clothes when he moved in with Jared. He holds the jersey in his hands and stares intensely at his name on the back of it, many memories coming to the surface. He hears a knock on the door and looks up, finding Jared leaning on the doorframe.“You okay?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. Yeah I guess. I was just going through my stuff so I can pack some clothes for practice tomorrow, and I haven’t touched those ever since… well, since before.”Jared walks into the room and sits on Jensen’s bed, and Jensen rolls closer to him. Jared takes the shirt from him and also looks at it for a while. “Sounds like a lifetime ago, huh?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. There’s also my old sneakers over there that I wore when I played. And I just… I’m not sure if I want to wear those. I don’t know how to explain, Jay. I mean, it’s still me, it’s my clothes, I’m gonna try b-ball again, I should wear those. And yet…”Jensen trails off and Jared nods. “It’s okay, Jen. I can try to understand where you’re coming from. Those things belong to the old you. You’re starting a new phase in your life. If you’re not comfortable wearing those, get new stuff. You don’t even need to buy new b-ball uniforms for now, you can just practice with your gym clothes. I think you should consider buying new sneakers, though.”Jensen frowns. “Why? It doesn’t even matter what I wear on my feet, Jay. You know that. I could just wear my regular sneakers, it won’t make any difference.”Jared sighs. “I know that technically it doesn’t matter, Jensen. Your feet won’t touch the ground, I agree. But I think it should be something symbolic. You’re starting anew in a sport you love. You should get new shoes for that. And hey, I’d love to give some new sneakers as a present to you.”Jensen blinks. “Really? You don’t need to do that.”Jared chuckles. “I know I don’t, Jen. I want to. I think it’s important, it’s symbolic. We could stop by the mall tomorrow after we leave the clinic, on our way to the court. What do you say?”Jensen lets out a breath, relieved yet again that Jared understands him on such a deep level. “Okay, then. Thanks again, Jay.”*Jensen is pretty nervous the next day. The prospect of trying basketball again is too overwhelming and he has trouble focusing. Jared notices it and takes it easy with him during rehab, making small talk to try and distract Jensen a bit. When the session is over they finally leave, Jared keeps his workout clothes since they’re going to the court and Jensen does the same, plus he puts on a basketball cap backwards. As Jared had suggested they go to the mall close to the campus, and it’s another new adventure since Jensen hasn’t been to one after the wheelchair and again he feels like the center of unwanted attention but tries to get past it.They go to a sports store and Jensen’s anxiousness spikes up with the prospect of getting shoes for himself, which is something weird to do when your feet don’t move and he’s not used to it. And of course his fears are confirmed with his first experience.A salesman approaches them and after shooting a quick sideways look at Jensen, addresses Jared. “Hello, how may I help you today?”Jared lifts an eyebrow and points at Jensen. “He wants new sneakers.”The salesman looks at Jensen again and offers him a forced smile, then looks back at Jared. “And what kind of sneakers is he looking for? Just some everyday shoes?”Jared rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you ask him? He’s the one getting the sneakers, not me!”The dude looks at Jensen again, looking embarrassed, and Jensen can’t help himself. “I can speak, okay? It’s just my legs that don’t work, not my brain.”The guy clears his throat and blinks a few times. Jensen can tell the guy is uncomfortable having to speak to him. “Of course sir, I’m so sorry. I didn’t… well. What exactly is it that you need?”Jensen lets out a sigh, wishing he could leave. “I need basketball sneakers, can you show some of them to me?”The salesman lifts both eyebrows, giving Jensen a full once over and apparently speaks before he can process what comes out of his mouth. “You’re gonna get basketball shoes for yourself? But why would you need–” he apparently catches himself before finishing the sentence but Jensen is already feeling awkward. He technically doesn’t need those, he knows that, but he does not need an unknown guy throwing it on his face on top of thinking he can’t even speak for himself.“Are you fucking kidding me??” Jared speaks in an angry tone, and Jensen tries to intervene.“Jay it’s okay, you don’t--” Jensen tries but Jared holds up a hand.“No! I won’t let him treat you like this. I think we’ve had enough here, we should go somewhere else.”At the raised voice another guy, probably the manager, approaches them. “Is there a problem?”Jared opens his mouth but this time Jensen holds up a hand and addresses the guy. “Yes, actually. If you’re the manager here you should train your staff better to welcome people with disabilities in the store. Your employee barely acknowledged me and just talked to my friend as if I wasn’t able to speak for myself just because I’m in a wheelchair. He shouldn't just assume that, it’s damn rude. And he can’t understand why I want to buy basketball shoes, like he thinks I can’t buy those specific shoes because I can’t walk. All he had to do was show me the sneakers and I’d buy a pair, it’s none of his business what I’ll do with them. But apparently this is too hard. We’ll just go somewhere else, thanks for your time.”The man tries to apologize and say something but Jensen doesn’t allow him. He spins his chair around and calls Jared. “Let’s go, Jay.”They leave the store and Jared pats Jensen’s shoulder. “That was awesome, Jen. I bet that dude will get an earful.”Jensen shakes his head. “I guess this is something I’ll have to learn how to deal with. People automatically assume that someone in a wheelchair can’t speak for themselves. It’s not easy being treated as less of a person on top of everything else I have to deal with. And the look on his face when I told him I needed the basketball sneakers. God.”Jared steps in front of Jensen, making him stop and squeezing his shoulder. “Hey. Don’t let that dick get to you. Yes, you’re gonna have to learn how to deal with assholes, sadly. But you did great, you stood up for yourself. Let’s just go to another store and get the shoes, and we’ll fight all the assholes that come our way.”Jensen nods and they go find another store. Luckily there’s one where they can just go find the shoes they want by themselves since all the sizes are on display. Jensen finds a pair he likes and Jared helps get the right box, Jensen chooses two size bigger than he normally wears so he can put the shoes on easier and also if he’s wearing the braces if he wants to. Jensen still struggles a bit putting them on but finally succeeds and decides he’s taking them. It feels a bit weird putting on basketball sneakers again, especially not being able to step on them, but he tries to get past the feeling. Jared suggests Jensen keeps the shoes on so he doesn’t have to take them off and then put them on again at the court, so they talk to the girl at the register about it and she assures them it’s okay, and rings the box. Jared pays for it and Jensen thanks Jared again as they leave the store.“It’s no big deal my friend. Now let’s go play some b-ball?”Jensen’s stomach stirs a bit and he nods. “Let’s go.”*They finally enter the empty court and Jensen takes a look around. He slowly wheels to the middle of it, feeling a lot of mixed feelings inside. He looks at Jared with pursed lips. “It’s weird being here.”Jared nods. “I know. Man remember the first time you arrived here? God I was so pissed that you transferred to Austin. I couldn’t believe I had to play with you.”Jensen chuckles. “Afraid I was going to steal your position, huh?”Jared shrugs. “You were the best anyway, there’s no point denying it.”Jensen spins his chair and faces the basket. “I always felt so familiar with that basket. I knew I could jump and reach it. Now it looks like a hundred feet high.”“You’re gonna get used to it again. Why don’t you start with shooting some hoops? So you can get used to the feeling again.”Jensen nods and follows Jared to a storage room next to one session of the bleachers. Jared opens it and Jensen can see a good number of sport wheelchairs in it. Jared grabs one and rolls it outside, positioning it next to Jensen.“Try this one for starters, looks about your size.” The wheelchair for playing basketball is different from his regular one, the backrest is even lower and the rear wheels are angled more diagonally to give more stability while playing, and Jensen knows from his research that it also serves to give more speed while his own chair isn’t designed for that. There’s also an anti-tipping mechanism on the back of it, kind of like a small fifth wheel, probably so that he won’t flip backwards while playing. “I’ll hold it in place as you get in it since this one doesn’t have brakes.”Jensen nods, scooting to the edge of his seat and placing his feet on the floor, locking his brakes and transferring to the other chair. Jared holds up a belt and wraps it around Jensen’s upper thighs, strapping him to the chair so he won’t slide off it. Once Jensen is set, Jared suggests he goes for a spin first so he can get a feel of the chair, and Jensen does that. It’s definitely different, he can move faster with it indeed and he instantly likes the feeling. The chair is pretty much his size so it’s comfortable to move in it.As Jensen returns to Jared, he finds his friend bouncing a ball from his left to his right hand, and back. Jared makes a motion with his head to the basket.“Ready, Ackles?”Jensen lets out a breath and nods. Jared throws the ball at him, who catches it and places it on his lap. Jensen wheels close to the basket, stopping and grabbing the ball. He swirls it in his hands, his heart beating a mile a minute. He looks up at the basket, and it looks even taller than before. Impossible to reach from his height and not able to jump. Jared approaches him and Jensen looks at his friend, swallowing hard.“What if I can’t do it? It looks so… impossible.”Jared chuckles. “I can’t believe I’m about to quote Adidas here but… Impossible is Nothing, Jen. I believe you can do it. If you can’t get it on the first try, you just try again. Aren’t you used to it by now? You keep trying until you make it. And I know you can. You’re the best basketball player that I’ve ever seen. You’re better than me, I admit it. I know the player in there is all awake and itching to play. Doesn’t matter if you’re up and jumping, or sitting down, Jen. You’re a basketball player and nothing will change that.”Jensen lets the words sink in as he takes a few deep breaths. “Just Do It?”Jared laughs. “That’s right.”Jensen nods and focuses on the ball in his hands. Some more deep breaths later, he looks up and tries to angle for the basket. He shoots the ball but misses it, the angle not quite right. He sighs as Jared runs to catch the ball and return it to him.“Again, Jen. Come on. You can do it, doesn’t matter how many times you need to try.”Jensen tries again, and again and again, missing every shot. He feels frustrated and Jared senses it as he offers the ball to Jensen once again. “Don’t give up. I know it’s in you, and we’ll be here for as long as you need.”Jensen misses again a few more times, feeling even more like a failure, his eyes welling up. “I can’t Jared! I should have never tried it, I can’t do it like this, I was only good at it when I could jump and run!”As Jared fetches the ball once again, he returns and kneels down in front of Jensen.“Jen, you’re too nervous. I understand. The fear of sucking at this, of not being good enough, is dominating you. But you got this, Jen. This is just a new way of doing it, something you never did before. I know you’ll be a pro at it. Don’t expect to be perfect on the first try, it doesn’t work like this. It took you a while to get where you are now after your injury, didn’t it? You couldn’t even sit by yourself when you first woke up in the hospital, isn’t that right?” Jensen nods as he looks at Jared with big eyes, and if Jared notices he’s on the verge of crying, he thankfully doesn’t say anything. “Everything is a process. This is just our first time and we’ll keep coming here for you to practice. It’s in you, Jen. Like you said, you’ve loved this sport ever since you were a kid. The ball belongs in your hands. Just let it come naturally to you. Take some deep breaths, calm your heart. Let it wash over you. If you don’t get it right today, there’s always tomorrow to try again. It’s okay and I’ll come here with you every time. We’re together in this, you know it right?”
Jensen nods again and takes the ball from Jared, who squeezes his knee then stands up and steps back. Jensen holds the ball for a few moments, letting the feeling wash over his soul. He closes his eyes and remembers the feeling, the adrenaline he felt when he was playing. If he focuses really hard, he can almost feel the barely there pressure of the sneakers around his feet. The ones Jared gave to him to celebrate his new beginning. Jensen got this. The court is his home, it doesn’t matter if he has his wheels on it instead of his feet now. He’s always been good at this and he can be good again. Jensen takes a few deep breaths, feeling his heartbeat slowing down, and he can focus better at what he has to do. He opens his eyes again and tunes everything out, the basket his sole focus. Jensen feels the ball with his hands and soul, the familiarity of it. He angles it and imagines himself running towards that same basket and jumping like he used to do, his inner player doing just that. Jensen shoots the ball, which falls perfectly through the hoop in a swish.“HOLY FUCKING SHIT HELL YEAH!!!” Jared screams as he runs to Jensen, wrapping his arms around him and holding him so tight. Jensen holds Jared back with a huge smile on his face and tears pooling in his eyes.“I did it, Jay!”Jared hugs Jensen even tighter for a few moments then pulls back and grabs Jensen’s biceps. “You did it!! You were perfect Jen! I knew you could do it, it’s totally inside you! You were amazing, that was one hell of a swish!”Jensen smiles even wider. “Thanks for not letting me give up.”Jared runs to grab the ball and throws it back at Jensen. “It’s what we do for people we care about. Now go again!”Jensen shoots some more hoops, missing some and getting others right, and it’s okay. Now he knows he can do it and he feels great about himself, as well as happy for giving it a try. It feels amazing being on the court again, and being able to shoot hoops. Feels like being home. Even if the furniture has changed, it’s still the same home. It’s familiar.As Jared returns with the ball again and gives it to Jensen he says, “You should try and play some now, get used to moving around in the chair and bouncing the ball, dribbling and stuff.”Jensen frowns. “I thought I was just shooting some hoops. How can I play alone?”Jared smiles. “You’re not, doofus. It’s why I’m here. I’ll play with you.”Jensen’s eyes widen. “But… how are we doing it?”Jared runs over to the storage room and comes back with another wheelchair. He stops next to Jensen and sits on it, strapping his own legs with a belt. “We just do it like this.”Jensen looks at Jared in the chair, just like himself now, and shakes his head. “But… are you sure about it? You don’t mind?”Jared shakes his head, wheeling backwards and forwards, testing the chair. “I don’t. I loved playing basketball with you Jen, despite the small fact that we wanted to kill each other. You can’t play with me the way we used to anymore, but I sure as hell can play with you as you are now.”Jensen eyes Jared, a whole new emotion taking over his soul. “Sure?”Jared nods, smiling. “Yep. I told you that we were going to play together again, Jen. It doesn’t matter how we do it, I don’t mind sitting down to play with you. We’ll learn this new way together, you and me. What do you say?”Jensen swallows hard as he looks at Jared and himself, both looking the same now, able to play with each other again. “Equals,” he says in a small voice, mostly to himself, and Jared nods.“That’s right. Our bodies may be different from each other now. But we are still equals and like I said, if you can’t get up to play my way, I can sit down to play yours. And this can become our way. Let’s do it?”Jensen lets out a deep breath, feeling as if many dark thoughts are leaving him at once, as if the dark clouds are opening and the sun is peeking through. Jared is unbelievable. He wasn’t expecting this, and it feels great.“Let’s go.”They start moving around each other, testing the chairs and learning the movements. Jensen knows some of the rules for wheelchair basketball by now and knows that Jared does too. He tests bouncing the ball a couple of times as he wheels himself forward with one hand, then he places the ball on his lap and pushes twice. Rules say that he can’t give more than two pushes without bouncing or dribbling or shooting or passing the ball, so he grabs it again and throws it at Jared, who catches it and tries the movements himself. Jared is slower in the wheelchair which is to be predictable since he isn’t used to being in one like Jensen is, so Jensen goes at his pace. Jared bounces the ball a couple of times and shoots a hoop but misses it. Jensen goes fetch the ball and they try again and again, and Jared also manages to score which makes Jensen celebrate as they high five.As they get more used to it they even attempt to bump into each other’s chair to try and steal the ball, which prompts many laughs.About an hour later they finally call it a night since both are tired from a long day. Jared gets up from the chair he has been using and goes fetch Jensen’s wheelchair, assisting him in transferring from one to the other. Jared then stores the chairs in the storage room and puts the balls away. They go to the car and Jared suggests they stop by at Wendy’s to have some burgers which Jensen agrees. As Jared carries the tray and they sit down to eat, Jared asks how Jensen is feeling.“It’s hard to explain,” Jensen says as he unwraps his burger. “Feels like healing. Like finding a part of me again. Yes, I know I say I’m a different person now and that still stands. But you said the other day that I’m also still me and that’s right. I like being a new person but it also feels great finding a piece of my old self inside of me. A piece that has been lost for a while. Knowing that the old Jensen hasn’t died completely. I got in touch with something that I have always loved and it truly feels like healing. I was so worried it would be disappointing, but it’s mostly different. I can see myself getting used to it and truly enjoying it. Just being able to be on a court again is incredible. To have my sport back in my life. And thank you for playing it with me.”Jared smiles and reaches out to squeeze Jensen’s forearm. “I love it. I never thought I’d play wheelchair basketball but it’s also cool. I’m eager to learn this new way to play, especially so we can play together. We’re gonna be an awesome pair in it as well Jen, I can feel it. We’re J-Squared, whether we’re standing up or sitting down.”Jensen nods and smiles back. “That’s right. I mean, if I’m honest I miss shooting a hoop while standing up. I miss the feeling of it. I wish I could do it again. But I’ll get used to it. And we’re going to be awesome together, I have no doubt. Thank you for being my equal in this so we can be a team again.”Jared throws a french fry at Jensen. “We’ve been a team for months now Jen, don’t you know it by now?”Jared is right. They make the best team ever.
*A couple of days later they’re back on the court, and after warming up for a while as they shoot some hoops, they go for the game. As both are more familiar with the chairs and the way to play by now, they get more rough. Jensen has asked Jared not to hold back with him, since he wants to get the feeling of a real wheelchair basketball match.On a particular rough move, Jared bumps into Jensen’s right wheel and he tips over, falling sideways. Jensen manages to brace the fall with his arms so he doesn’t hurt himself.“Jensen! Oh my God, are you alright?” Jared exclaims, and Jensen can see how Jared starts unstrapping himself from his chair to come to Jensen’s aid, who’s lying on his side with the chair strapped to his legs, holding them in place. Jensen holds up a hand.“Don’t! I'm okay, let me try getting up by myself first.” Jared stops mid movement and Jensen can see as Jared wheels around him, stopping right in front of his line of vision, and leans forward.“Take your time Jen. It’s better if you manage to turn your lower body so your legs are facing down, then you push back with your hands while you force your hips forward until you’re up again.”Jensen nods and tries to do as Jared suggested, he slowly manages to throw his lower body to the right until he’s facing down, as if he’s kneeling on the floor. He forces his hips forward while using his arms to push himself up. It’s not easy and he fails the first attempt as he just pushes himself backwards. But he stops and tries again, and very slowly finally manages to pull his upper body upwards and the chair just falls in place. He turns around and gives Jared a smile.“Ta-da!”Jared smiles back. “Awesome move!”They play some more and when Jensen suggests they call it a night, Jared shakes his head.“Before we go, I have a small surprise for you.”Jensen frowns. “What is it?”“Wait here.”Jared gets up from the chair and stores it, then runs out of the court. Jensen waits as he bounces the ball next to his chair, curious to see what Jared is up to. A couple of minutes later, Jared comes back holding a walker and leg braces. Apparently, Jensen’s leg braces that he wears at rehab.“Jay, what are you doing with my braces? Those are my braces right?”Jared nods. “Yep. Come here.”Jared motions for Jensen to go closer to the basket, and he lifts an eyebrow. “So?”Jared leaves the braces and walker next to Jensen’s chair and runs to the side of the court, grabbing a big bucket full of balls also bringing it close to Jensen, placing it right next to him. Then Jared kneels down in front of Jensen and takes one of his legs out of the footplate, pushing the leg of his shorts up and taking his shoe off, then straps the brace around his leg and puts his shoe back on. Jared repeats the process with the other leg, still not telling Jensen what is going on. Once Jared is done, he looks up at Jensen.“You know how you said the other day how you miss shooting a hoop while standing up?”Jensen frowns deeper, tilting his head to one side. “Yes…?”Jared smiles. “Let’s solve that problem then. Put the ball in the bucket.”Jensen swallows hard. “Jay, what u doing?”“Trust me, Ackles.”Jensen does as Jared asked and throws the ball he has been holding in the basket. Then Jared grabs the walker and positions it in front of Jensen.“Come on, stand up.” Jared commands, and Jensen swallows hard. With sweaty hands he grabs the walker, making sure his feet are firmly on the floor, and slowly pulls himself up as he has done many times in rehab, making sure his knees are locked in place. He looks at Jared with a raised brow, and Jared pushes the wheelchair a bit away from them, placing his phone upright on the seat of it, and Jensen realizes he’s recording what they’re going to do. Then he returns and positions himself behind Jensen.Jensen watches as Jared grabs the ball again, offering it to Jensen who takes it with one hand, while he holds onto the walker with the other. Jared wraps both arms firmly around Jensen’s waist.“Shoot the hoop, Jen. Come on. I got you.”Jensen can’t help the wave of emotion that takes over him. The basket is so much closer to him now as he’s back to his usual height. He still can’t jump, but it’s almost as good as that. Jensen swallows down and angles his arms, trusting Jared to hold him upright as he grabs the impulse to throw the ball, which falls right into the hoop. Jared squeezes Jensen tighter and cheers in his ear.“That was amazing, Jen! Again??”Jensen nods and Jared bends down to grab another ball from the bucket while Jensen holds onto the walker. He shoots some more hoops and it feels like a huge shot of adrenaline is coursing through his veins. As he shoots the last ball he looks down at himself, standing on the court on his new sneakers, and a tear falls down his face.“My feet are touching the floor, Jay.”Jared chuckles. “I told ya those sneakers would be a good investment. Are you done for now?”Jensen nods and since the chair has rolled backwards and out of their reach, Jared just suggests he goes to his own chair. So Jensen makes his way towards it using the walker and slowly taking steps with the braces, Jared following closely next to him. As he finally sits down in his chair Jared unstraps the braces, then grabs the sport wheelchair to store it while Jensen puts his shoes back on. Jensen helps him collect the balls that are scattered around the court, and they store those as well. Jared carries the braces and walker as they go to the car.Jensen isn’t sure about what to say, he doesn’t think he can find enough words. As Jared takes the driver’s seat, Jensen squeezes his forearm.“Thank you, Jay. I don’t know what to say.”Jared smiles. “You don’t have to say anything, Jen. I just like to do it for you, and I try to do what’s on my reach to see you happy. I can’t give you a miracle to walk again but we can try and do things to give some of your life back, or build a better one.”Jensen nods and doesn’t say anything back, there really aren’t any words. There’s a feeling growing even stronger inside of him, and it’s getting more and more impossible to deny. A while later, as Jensen is all done with his nightly routine and getting ready to bed, Jared knocks lightly on the door to wish him good night.“Sleep tight, Jen. Dream of some perfect shots.”Jensen smiles and wishes Jared good night too. As Jared closes the door behind him, Jensen grabs the jersey that Jared gave him. He transfers himself to the bed and holds the jersey in his hands, looking intensely at it and the words Jared wrote with a marker.
J-Squared 4ever.
Jensen can’t deny anymore that he’s in love with Jared. He has been for a long time, but only now he can admit to himself. How could he not love Jared? Jared is his sunshine, like a spotlight shining on Jensen, in the middle of a dark room. His lighthouse. Of course he loves Jared. A part of Jensen has probably felt something for him long before his accident, and it led Jensen to want to sleep with Jared. He was just too dumb to realize it, it was much easier to just “hate” him.In a perfect world, Jensen would be the right one for Jared. Not in this one, though. Jensen is realistic. Even though Jared cares so much about Jensen, they’re just friends. Being in a relationship is a whole other game. Jared is gorgeous and smart, and the nicest person on the planet. Anyone would kill to be with him, Jensen has seen the looks that Jared gets. So not in a million years would Jared want to be with someone like Jensen, it makes no sense. It’s too complicated being in a relationship with someone paraplegic, in many aspects.So Jensen will swallow down his feelings and enjoy having Jared so close to him for as long as it lasts, hoping he doesn’t find someone else so soon. Jensen has gotten used to having Jared to himself and he isn’t ready to share him. He doesn’t even have the guts to ask Jared if he’s seeing someone. Jensen knows it would shatter him.He can only hope for the best and prepare himself to have his heart broken. Jensen just wishes he hadn’t been such a dick and admitted his feelings for Jared while he had the chance, while he was still whole. Sadly now it’s too late and Jensen needs to deal with those feelings the best way he can.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Some days go by and things are looking good. Jared and Jensen practice some more basketball together, and Jared has grown to cherish those moments deeply. It’s so funny, Jared has a deep love for basketball and his team. He still loves playing and practicing with them. But being on the court alone with Jensen, playing with him in the wheelchair, seeing his friend slowly forming a new love for this sport, is so special. Jared finds himself looking more forward to those moments than his own practice, and isn’t that odd?Jared loves to see the progress Jensen makes. How he’s slowly gathering the pieces and building his life again on many fronts. Jensen is also succeeding in his new job, he has been creating awesome arts for the publisher, as well as doing some commissions online, and he’s being able to make a decent amount of money. Jensen offers Jared his share of the rent when it’s almost due, and Jared doesn’t deny it. It’s not like he desperately needs it, Jared could still afford it on his own, but he knows it’s important for Jensen to do it, to feel more useful. Jensen also pays for the whole internet bill, claiming he’s using it a lot now with his new job and wants to do it. Jared truly loves to see his friend getting more and more independent.But his favorite version of Jensen is probably when he’s on the court. Jensen has mastered the sports wheelchair and he moves around so graciously in it, he can even lift himself up from the floor faster now. Jared was wary at first about bumping into Jensen, but his friend has asked him to do so, to not treat him like something breakable, and Jared tries to do that. Jensen also makes sure to knock Jared to the ground a few times and he has been trying to perfect his abilities in the wheelchair. But Jensen playing is… something else. Sometimes Jared just watches him moving around, throwing the ball, pushing himself with his strong arms. Jensen with his sweaty gym clothes and the baseball cap he likes to wear sometimes.Jared has even dreamed about Jensen like that a few times, he won’t deny it. One of those times, Jared woke up in the morning with his dick so hard in his pants he could cut diamonds. He won’t deny to himself how hot Jensen is. He already found Jensen hot even before his injury, when they couldn’t stand each other. And Jensen now is truly something else. Jared has to swallow hard sometimes and try to hold himself together when Jensen is practicing basketball. He looks ridiculously hot when he’s wheeling around in those clothes, with those arms. And not only during those moments. Jensen is always hot, he’s hot just by existing. And the wheelchair didn’t lessen that, quite the contrary. Jared finds it mesmerizing when Jensen is pushing himself, the muscles in his arms working, how his posture is getting more confident in the chair.Of course it’s not only that. Jensen has become someone vital in Jared’s life. He could never see it coming, but Jensen is now the most important person in Jared’s life, and he’s starting to understand exactly what kind of love he feels for Jensen. And of course it’s complicated. For starters, Jensen is still recovering and trying to get his life back together after a life-changing injury. It hasn't even been one year since the accident, it’s extremely recent. Jared doesn’t think Jensen is ready for something like that yet. And most importantly, Jared doesn’t even know if Jensen is in fact at least bi. Well yeah, they did sleep together once. But it could have been just Jensen wanting to experiment that one time. It doesn’t mean he is interested in dudes indeed. And even if he is by any chance, it still doesn’t mean he’s interested in Jared. He knows Jensen cares about him, but it could be something completely platonic. They’ve become close friends, it doesn’t necessarily need to lead to something else. And Jared isn’t sure he wants to try his luck and leave things awkward between them. It’s best to just wait and see where things go.*A few days later, one of Jared’s friends from the time he spent in Paris, Justin, gets in touch with him. Justin is also from Austin and they met while studying at the same university in Paris. They’ve become good friends and Justin has stayed in Paris for longer. He messages Jared letting him know he’s coming back to Austin, and they should get together to catch up. Jared likes the idea, Justin is a great guy and he’s excited to see him again.Justin arrives about a week later, and Jared decides to invite him over to have some pizzas and beers, he wants Jensen to meet him as well. So he brings the subject up with his friend as they drive home from practice.“Hey Jen… I wanted to talk to you about something.”Jensen turns to face him. “Shoot.”“A friend of mine that I met in Paris, Justin, is moving back to Austin, he’s also from here. He messaged me hoping we could meet and catch up. I invited him to come over tomorrow to hang out, maybe get some pizzas and beer. Is it okay with you?”Jensen stays silent for a few moments, he gives Jared an indecipherable look, and Jared has even more trouble reading his friend since he’s driving and it’s dark. Jensen clears his throat and when he speaks again, his voice is deeper somehow.“Oh. Ye–yeah. Sure, it’s okay. I can get lost so you can be alone with him in the apartment, maybe I can go visit Josh or see if Chris and Steve are up to hanging out.”Jared frowns and focuses on Jensen as he blessedly stops at a red light. “What? What are you saying, Jen?”Jensen shrugs, a weird look on his face. “Well, I mean. Aren’t you looking forward to some alone time with this guy? Isn’t that why you invited him over to the apartment?”Jared shakes his head, finally dawning on him what Jensen just assumed. “Oh God no, Jen! That’s not the case at all! Justin and I are just friends, we never had anything, I promise. When I say hang out, I mean truly just hang out. And when I told you I invited him over, I didn’t mean that I wanted you out of the apartment for privacy with him, quite the contrary. I’m telling you because I want you there too. I’d like for you guys to meet so we can all hang out together. You know how I like it when my friends become friends.”Jared can see Jensen frowning. “Seriously? I can get lost if you want Jay, it’s no problem.”Jared shakes his head vehemently. “Definitely not. You’re a vital part of my life and I want you there. I insist on it, actually. It’s just a friends’ night to hang out.”Jared can hear Jensen exhaling. “Yeah, sure. If you’re positive about it, I’d love to be there and meet your friend.”“Awesome!”
Jensen
Jensen is helping Jared get everything ready for the arrival of his friend, and of course Jensen is anxious. At first he thought Jared wanted some alone time with that Justin dude at the apartment, and his heart sank to the floor of the car. But then Jared told Jensen it wasn’t the case and Jensen was invited too, which calmed his heart a bit. But he’s definitely still anxious with the prospect of meeting someone new, and Jared senses it.“You nervous, Jen?”Jensen nods, not wishing to lie to his friend. “Yeah, of course. Just meeting new people is weird.”Jared nods back. “Justin is cool. Hopefully you’ll get along just fine.”“Did you tell him I’d be here too?”“Yep. I told him I have a roommate-slash-best friend and that he would be here too so you both can meet. So he knows you’ll be here.”Jensen swallows hard. “Did you… well, did you tell him I’m paraplegic?”Jared shakes his head, furrowing his brow. “Nope. I didn’t think I had to. Should I?”Jensen thinks for a moment. “Nah, I guess not. It’s going to be a good opportunity to meet someone I have never met before, that doesn’t know about my disability, and see their reaction. I know it’s probably going to be awkward but it’s also something I should get used to.”Jared offers him a smile. “That’s right. And well, if he treats you weird because of the wheelchair, then he isn’t cut to be my friend anyway. Let’s wait and see.”Justin arrives not too long after, and Jensen grips his wheels with sweaty hands. Jared opens the door and they greet each other warmly, followed by a tight hug. Jensen feels unsettled for a moment since that face looks familiar. And as they hug, Jensen finally places it. It’s the guy in the picture that Jensen saw on Jared’s Instagram just a couple of hours before his accident. They had their arms around each other and looked very close. Jensen even thought it could be Jared’s new boyfriend. He got even more upset after seeing that picture, which led him to drink more beers. Jensen shakes his head, trying to get rid of the feeling. Jared told him they’re just friends. And even if they were something more, Jensen has nothing to do with it, he doesn’t have anything with Jared.They finally break apart and Jared invites Justin inside, closing the door after him. He motions for Jensen, who wheels forward with a polite smile on his face.“Just, this is Jensen. My roommate and friend who I’ve told you about. Jen, this is Justin.”Jensen can see a flash of surprise on Justin’s face when he realizes Jensen is in a wheelchair, but he is quick to mask it and offers Jensen a smile. “Hello Jensen, it’s nice to meet you!” Jensen notices how Justin makes a motion with his hand to offer it to Jensen but aborts it quickly, and he realizes the guy probably isn’t sure if Jensen can move his arm to shake his hand and doesn’t want to make things awkward. So Jensen offers his own hand to him.“Nice to meet you too.”Justin looks relieved and shakes Jensen’s hand. Jared asks Justin what he’s drinking, and he accepts a beer. Jensen nods at Jared to let him know he will take a beer as well. They all move to the living room and Jensen takes his usual spot on the couch, Jared sitting on the other end of it and Justin taking the armchair. They start chatting and Jensen lets both friends catch up, he’s okay just listening for a while. He’s not so jealous of Jared that he can’t let him have other friends. But Jared also makes sure to start including Jensen in the conversation as they share stories from their time in Paris with him and Jensen even laughs at some of them. He can tell Justin is a cool dude and doesn’t act weird around him. He barely pays attention to the wheelchair parked next to the couch, just treats Jensen as a human being, looking directly at him, which is a good sign.They stop chatting for a while as they decide what pizzas they want and order them. Then Justin asks a question to both of them.“So, how did you guys meet? Have you been friends for long?”Jared looks at Jensen and lifts an eyebrow, so he answers Justin while adjusting himself on the couch. “Well, we have been friends for a few months now. But we met way before. Jared and I used to play together for the UT Austin basketball team.”Justin’s eyes widen and this time he does look at the wheelchair and then back at Jensen, clearing his throat and looking obviously embarrassed. “Oh so… I mean, if you don’t mind me asking, have you been in the wheelchair for long? Is it a temporary thing or not? Feel free to tell me to mind my own business.”Jensen chuckles and decides to answer him, the guy has earned it since he has been treating Jensen normally and actually talked to him before asking the wheelchair question. “It’s okay. I had a car accident a few months ago, and I became paraplegic due to a spinal cord injury. So it’s pretty much permanent. It happened while Jared was in Paris.”Justin’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh so it’s a recent thing then?”“Yep. Jared is in fact my physical therapist at the rehab clinic, that’s how we reconnected and became friends. I had some problems at home and he invited me to come live with him, so me and my chair are here now.”Jared picks up and adds his share. “Jen and I actually couldn’t stand each other before. We were great at playing together, but outside the court we would just bicker at each other all the time.”“He was just jealous because I stole his position in the team and more importantly, he could never beat me at keg standing.”Justin laughs as Jared slaps his arm. “This will change soon, Ackles!”“Oh I can see the bickering continues at least,” Justin says with an amused tone then turns more serious. “Jensen, I’m sorry to hear about your accident. And I’m glad that you guys are close now, you do seem pretty good friends.”Jared nods. “Jen and I have been practicing wheelchair b-ball together. We started recently and it has been great.”Justin seems pretty interested in that, and they chat about it for a while until the pizza arrives. They eat while talking about different subjects, and then a couple of hours later Justin calls it a night. Both follow him to the door and Justin shakes Jensen’s hand, saying it was nice to meet him and hoping they get to hang out more. Jensen has to admit he likes Justin, he’s a pretty decent guy and doesn’t act awkward around him. After saying goodbye to Justin as well, Jared closes the door behind him and looks at Jensen.“So? What’s the verdict?”Jensen smiles. “He’s cool, Jay. I like him. He didn’t treat me like a freak so that was a plus. I can see why you became friends.”Jared exhales and smiles back at Jensen. “That’s great! We should hang out together more often then, I’d definitely like that!”Jensen agrees, trying to feel less jealous of Justin with Jared. He can’t deny they look great together, both would make a very handsome pairing. But Jensen holds onto what Jared told him, that they’re just friends. And he wants to believe that.*Jensen tries to start interacting more with the other patients at the clinic. Jared and his therapist have told him it’s important to meet people in similar situations, so Jensen tries to do just that. He starts exchanging stories and experiences with other people, and it feels good to know he’s not the only one going through it. Of course he knew that, he sees other patients all the time, but it’s nice to actually talk to people who share similar fates as his. It’s also bittersweet when he meets some people much more recovered than him, and Jared notices how Jensen is a bit upset during one of their sessions, asking what’s wrong and Jensen shrugs as he’s on the standing frame.“I was just talking to this guy. He has pretty much the same injury as I do, T11 incomplete. He was injured like a month before I was. And he’s even walking around with just a walker, he doesn’t even need braces. He can move his legs and support himself on them. Meanwhile I made much less progress than him, I only have some feeling and no movement back so far.” Jensen looks down at the tray in front of him. “It’s unfair, that’s all.”Jared places a hand on Jensen’s forearm. “Jen, come on. You know you can’t compare yourself to other patients. Each injury is different, even if they’re the same injury. Each organism reacts differently. For some reason that guy was able to recover more function than you, but it doesn’t mean you haven’t been making any progress. Just focus on your recovery, Jen. If you keep comparing yourself to other patients, you’ll become depressed. Just as you wish you were as recovered as him, I’m sure a lot of patients wish they could be as recovered as you are. I’ve seen patients with the same injury as yours who can’t move or feel anything. But it’s not a competition. I know that here everyone feels happy for other patients’ achievements. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid. They truly are. But I want you to feel happy for yourself, and what your body can do now compared to when you first woke up in the hospital.”Jensen nods, feeling embarrassed for his feelings. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try to see it from this point of view. I do know I’ve come a long way ever since I got injured and it hasn’t even been that long.”Jared smiles. “And you still have a long way to go, you’ll see.”*And as a small miracle, Jensen gets his reward a couple of days later. They’re home after a long day of rehab and b-ball practice, Jensen is on the couch while Jared washes some dishes. Jensen is wearing shorts and as he focuses on his legs, something incredible happens. They move, just an inch, inwardly. Jensen gasps as he sends the command from his brain again and they respond. It’s almost nothing, but his eyes fill with tears.“Oh God Jay, come here!”Jared drops what he’s doing and rushes to the couch, wiping his hands on a towel. “What is it?? You okay?”Jensen nods and points at his legs. “Look at this!” He does it again, his legs moving just a tad, and he looks up at Jared. “I can move them a bit, Jay! Did you see it?”Jared opens a huge smile. “Oh my God! Jen, that’s amazing!” Jared looks around him and pulls Jensen’s chair closer, sitting on it and stretching Jensen’s legs on his lap. “Do it again!”Jensen does it, moving them inwardly, and he can’t help a tear streaming down his face. “God, I’m moving my legs. I can’t believe this.”Jared carefully removes Jensen’s socks and places his hands on Jensen’s feet. “Jen? Why don’t you concentrate to see if you can move some more parts? Maybe your toes?” Jensen tries at first but nothing happens. Then Jared rubs his nail under Jensen’s big toe, and almost on instinct, Jensen moves it an inch.“Holy shit!” Jensen’s jaw drops as he looks at his toes. He tries again, it’s a very faint movement but he manages to do it again. He tries the other one and is able to repeat the process. “Man, this is unbelievable.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s feet and smiles wide. “See, Jen? You’re recovering too, bit by bit. Even if you don’t ever recover completely, you’re making progress. And we’ll sure as hell celebrate every bit of achievements because they’re huge.”Jensen nods, swallowing hard. “Thank you Jay.”Jared carefully puts Jensen’s legs down and gets up from the wheelchair, sitting next to Jensen on the couch and wrapping his arms around him. “I told you that you have a long way to go, Jen. And I’ll always be here to go through this path with you.”Jensen holds Jared tighter.*A few days later Jared comes up with an invitation as they’re having dinner. “Jen, I wanted to ask you something.” Jensen lifts an eyebrow and Jared goes on. “I was talking to Justin about hitting a bar on Friday night, just to hang out. Chad says he’s game too, I haven’t hung out with him for a while. I was wondering if you’d like to come with us as well.” At Jensen’s face, Jared adds, “I know it may be hard for you because of your track record with bars and the consequences. But I was hoping you’d consider it. You could even see if Chris and Steve are up for it. We could have a fun night together with friends and have a couple of beers. We could Uber so both of us can drink a bit without risking anything. And now that you’re not hiding anymore, I thought it would be something different for us to do with our friends. You can think about it if you want.”Jensen nods and does think about it. He’s still a bit traumatized about bars, since going to them and getting hammered sealed his fate to live in a wheelchair forever. But on the other hand, he can’t fear bars forever. It wasn’t the bar’s fault, it was his own. Jensen can do differently, if he has only a couple of beers he will be fine. He has been doing it with Jared sometimes in their apartment, they have a few beers and it’s not the end of the world. Jensen also is wary about being somewhere with lots of people, but again he can’t hide forever. He also has the right to go out and have fun with his friends, it’s a normal thing to do. So after a while he finally answers Jared.“Yeah, okay. I’ll go. It can’t hurt right? I don’t know if it will be easy but I can try.”Jared smiles. “Cool!”*On Friday night they’re in the Uber going to the bar they chose. Chris and Steve have also agreed to go, and Jensen is happy about that. He hopes they are able to have a fun night.As they’re almost there, Jared turns to him. “Jen, if you ever feel uncomfortable for some reason and want to leave just let me know, okay? I promise no hard feelings, we leave right away. I don’t want you to be in a place you don’t want because of me. It’s okay, it’s only our first time.”Jensen nods and thanks his friend. They arrive at the bar and Jared sets up the chair for Jensen, then both go inside. They pick up a table and soon Justin arrives, followed by Chad and Sophia. Not too long after Chris and Steve arrive as well, and Jared introduces Justin to everyone. They spend some time chatting and drinking, and also order buffalo wings. Jensen truly is having fun, it’s good to hang out with friends like this, talking about everything other than his disability, like he can even forget about it for a while.Jensen only can’t help a piece of himself from paying extra attention to Jared and Justin talking animatedly, and feeling jealous of them. The rational part of his brain keeps telling himself that they don’t have anything, Jared told him that. The emotional part though, tells Jensen that Jared gets along so well with Justin, and things can always evolve between two people. Jensen can’t help a small part of his brain from wishing he was in Justin’s skin instead of his own, so maybe he could have a shot with Jared as someone worthy of him.And of course, things end up going sideways. About an hour later Sophia goes to the bar to grab a drink and as she returns she is pretty much giggling.“Oh my God Jensen, there’s a girl sitting at the bar and she just can’t take her eyes off you. I overheard her talking to her friend and it can only be about you!”Chad gives Sophia a look Jensen can’t quite decipher. Jensen frowns at her words and looks at the direction she just mentioned. True enough, there’s a blond girl looking straight at Jensen, and when she notices that he’s looking back, she smiles at him. Jensen swallows hard and looks down, feeling awkward. “Yeah… I guess.”Jensen looks at Jared, who’s sitting right next to him, and he also has an odd look on his face but clears his throat as he notices Jensen’s look. “Yeah, yeah. Soph is right, I think. She’s totally looking at you.”Jensen’s gaze travels to the girl again and they exchange some more looks. It’s not that Jensen is truly interested in some girl, no. The true object of his affection is actually sitting right next to him, but first of all that’s just wishful thinking, and second, it’s good to feel wanted again. Jensen hasn’t flirted with anyone since his injury, and he misses that. So it won’t hurt to do just that for a while. The subject in the table changes as Justin starts telling a story, but Jensen keeps exchanging looks and smiles with the girl.At some point her friend, who has been sitting next to her, gets up and walks past their table to go to the bathroom presumably. When she returns, she whispers something in the girl’s ear. Her face changes immediately and all the flirting stops. She turns away from Jensen to face the bar and doesn’t look at him anymore, all the interest gone.Jensen’s heart sinks to the ground as he realizes what just happened. The girl hadn’t noticed Jensen’s chair since the table is blocking her view of his lower body. As her friend walked past them she noticed what Jensen was sitting in and probably told her. And she immediately lost her interest, of course she did. Why would she want a broken guy when everyone else at the bar is whole?Nobody at the table seems to notice what happened, but Jared apparently senses the drop on Jensen’s mood after a few minutes.“Jen, you okay?” He asks in a low voice, and Jensen nods.“I’m fine.”“Wanna go home?”Jensen does, very much actually. But he can see their friends are having fun and he doesn’t want to be a downer. He shouldn’t even be surprised this happened actually, Jensen knows his love life is pretty much over now. So he shakes his head at Jared. “No. Let’s stay a bit longer.”Jared drops the subject and they engage in a conversation with their friends, but Jensen can see how Jared keeps shooting some worried looks at him. After about another hour, Jensen has had enough and his energy has dropped considerably, he feels ready to go home, do his bathroom routine and lie down on his bed.“Can we go home now?” He asks Jared, who nods. They tell their friends they’re leaving and everyone else decides to call it a night too. They pay the bill and head outside. Jensen calls an Uber since Jared called the first one, and after saying goodbye to their friends, they go home. Jensen stays silent during the ride, he can feel Jared’s eyes on him but doesn’t say anything to his friend. Jensen just feels like a failure and not in the mood to chat right now.They finally arrive home and head inside. As Jared closes the door behind them, he can’t keep quiet anymore apparently.“Jen, can you please tell me what happened?”Jensen sighs and keeps his body turned away from Jared. “Nothing happened Jay. Let’s just call it a night, please.”Of course Jared doesn’t drop it, Jensen knows him. Jared walks toward Jensen and sits on the arm of the couch, facing him. “Hey, come on. You look like someone killed your puppy. I hate seeing you down like this, Jen. You know that. Please share with me what’s going on. Does it have to do with the girl that Sophia mentioned?”Jensen purses his lips, hating how well Jared seems to know him. Jensen leans forward and grabs the sides of his chair, nodding without looking at Jared. “Yeah. But it’s stupid. You shouldn’t worry about it.”Jared leans forward as well, getting up from the couch just so he can grab the frame of Jensen’s chair with both hands and pull him closer. “Jen, come on. Your feelings aren’t stupid and there’s no way I won’t worry about you. You know I always try to understand your feelings. Please tell me. You can trust me, you know that.”Jensen sighs and finally looks up. “It happened what was bound to happen, Jared. Yes, the girl was indeed interested in me but only because she hadn’t noticed I was sitting in a wheelchair. When her friend saw it and told her, she lost interest immediately.”Jared frowns. “Oh damn.”“I can’t even blame her. I was actually surprised she showed interest in me. I knew from the beginning of this that it was game over for my love life. I mean, who would want to go through the trouble of dating someone like me? Danneel had already made that very clear when she dumped me five minutes after learning about my paraplegia. And she was my girlfriend already, there were feelings involved, I assume. Why would someone who doesn't even know me want anything to do with me? There were a lot of guys at that bar, a lot of able-bodied guys everywhere. So who would want to be seen with a guy in a wheelchair? Why go through that trouble? It’s just hard, that’s all. Even if I’m making progress in other areas of my life, I know that this is the one thing I can’t have again. I’ll just have to get used to it and make amends with the fact that nobody would want to give me a chance. I guess that it’s too much to handle. Nobody in their right mind would want to sign up for this,” Jensen makes a motion to his wheelchair.They stay in silence for a while, then finally Jared speaks in a low voice. “Jen…”Jensen shakes his head. “No Jay. Just don’t. I can’t hear platitudes right now. Please don’t give me the ‘I’m sure you’ll find the right person one day’ speech. I just want to lick my wounds for tonight and try to get used to this idea. I always knew that was a thing, but having it rubbed on my face like I had tonight was just too much.”Jared nods. “I’m sorry I made you go to the bar.”Jensen gives Jared a small smile and pats his knee. “Don’t feel sorry, Jay. Apart from what happened, I did have a good time with the guys. It felt nice going out and feeling normal. Like I told you that day when we had our housewarming party, I enjoy talking about things other than my disability for a change, knowing that things don't revolve around that all the time and I can be just me for a while. Just be Jensen, and not the dude in the wheelchair. I’m totally down for having other reunions like that. I just wasn’t expecting that blow. I’ll go call it a night and tomorrow is a new day.”Jared gives Jensen a puppy dog look. “You sure you’ll be okay? You want to be alone? I can make you company if you need it?”“I’ll be fine. I need to be alone and just mourn this small thing for a while. Like I said, tomorrow is a new day. In the grand scheme of things, I’m fine. I can’t have everything.” Jensen wheels backwards and away from Jared. “Night Jay. You can use the bathroom as I change my clothes. I’ll see you in the morning.”As Jensen lies in bed a while later, he can’t help thinking about everything. The problem isn’t the girl, far from it. Jensen couldn’t be less interested in her. But it’s the idea of it. Of being even more sure that Jared would never want him. And there’s no reason why he should. Why would Jared bother with someone that can barely get his dick up? Someone that can’t give him a normal relationship? It’s depressing to think Jensen will never have anyone, especially the person he wants the most.
Jared
Jared spends a long time thinking as he goes to bed that night. He hates knowing that Jensen thinks so low on himself regarding having someone that loves him. Jared wishes he could punch that girl who lost interest in Jensen the moment she learned about his disability. But at the same time, a part of Jared is relieved. He is selfish enough to admit he doesn’t want to see Jensen with anyone else. Jared wishes he could just tell Jensen that he is very interested in him, he just doesn’t know how to do it. He doesn’t want Jensen to think Jared is only saying he wants him out of pity or something, so that Jensen doesn’t feel bad for those girls who didn’t want anything to do with him because of his condition. Or only so that Jensen may feel better about himself. Which is not the case at all. Jared truly wants Jensen just as he is, the feeling grows stronger and stronger inside Jared. But he just doesn’t know how to act on it, what to do. Again the doubts take over him, if Jensen really likes dudes and would be interested in him in return. Jared tosses and turns, trying to come up with some sort of solution, but he finds none.Also, Jared tries to think about something to cheer Jensen up after the setback he had at the bar, and at least this Jared can probably do something about. On Saturday morning Jared wakes up earlier to make a nice breakfast for them, hopefully to start bringing Jensen’s mood up. Jared hears Jensen getting up and going to the bathroom, and a while later he appears in the living room.“Morning, Jen! How u feeling? I made breakfast for us.”Jensen smiles and rolls up to the table. “I’m better. I’ll get used to it, it’s okay. Let’s just talk about something else.”Jared offers Jensen a plate with eggs and toast, as well as a mug with coffee. “Here you go. I wanted to ask if you’re up to a small adventure tomorrow.”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “What is it?”“Feel like going to the beach?”Jensen frowns. “Beach? You sure? I’m not sure how that would work with my chair.”Jared gives Jensen an excited smile. “Oh but I did some research! They have this thing at one of the beaches, to make it accessible exactly for folks in wheelchairs. There are mat paths on the sand so you can wheel on them, and they also offer those amphibious chairs with wheels that look like balloons, so you can get on the sand and also the water. I thought it could be something fun. We could have another picnic. Even invite the guys if they’re up to it. But of course, only if you feel like it. Just a suggestion to cheer you up a bit. You can say no if you think it’s a terrible idea. I was just wondering.”Jensen offers Jared a small smile and squeezes his forearm. “Thanks for taking your time to research all of that. I think I’d love to. I’ve always liked going to the beach and I miss it. If there’s a way I can go without getting stuck on the sand, I’m in. I think a day like that would do me some good.”Jared smiles widely. “That’s awesome Jen! Let’s start planning our day trip then!”They contact their friends, Chad, Justin, Steve and Chris, and all of them are on board with the idea. They make plans to leave very early in the morning and bring some food and refreshments. Jared and Jensen go grocery shopping so they can make some sandwiches. Jensen also makes a stop to get himself a short-sleeve rash guard, and Jared knows that it’s so that he doesn’t have to take off his shirt at the beach. Once they’re done, they go home and pack everything they’re gonna need. Jared can barely sleep, he’s so excited about their day tomorrow.When Jared wakes up early in the morning, he can hear that Jensen is already in the bathroom. Jensen always needs extra time for his routines so he has to get up even earlier than everyone else. Jared changes his clothes and gets everything ready, then uses the bathroom when Jensen vacants it. Their friends all arrive soon, they have decided to take two cars to the beach. Jared, Jensen and Justin will go in Jared’s car, and Chris, Steve, Chad and Sophia in the other. They can’t bring anyone else in Jared’s car since they have to accommodate Jensen’s chair as well. They also store all the food and drinks in the trunk of Jared’s car.The ride to the beach takes about two hours and the three of them talk animatedly. Jared can see that Jensen is excited for it, and it makes Jared happy. They finally arrive and park the car, and as everyone exits both cars, they follow the signs leading to the accessible path. Jared is pleased to see there’s a big mat path like he had read about, leading to the water and also for a number of tents with beach chairs. They go talk to the guy in charge, who rents them one of the tents and also lends the amphibious chair, which they carry to their tent as Jensen wheels to it in his own chair.“Man this is pretty nice,” Jared says as they arrive. “It’s nice to see they worry about accessibility so everyone can enjoy the beach.”They start getting settled, and Jensen turns to Jared. “Jay, can you help me get to this other chair? I don’t want to put my wheels in the sand, dunno if it could damage my chair and I definitely don’t want to get it dirty. I’d rather stay in this weird thing. Downside is that I can’t wheel myself with it, so I’ll pretty much depend on you guys.”Jared squeezes his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay! We’ll be your servants today, master.”Jensen chuckles and positions himself. Justin is close by so he holds the amphibious chair in place as Jared assists Jensen into it. Jared then takes Jensen to the sand and under the tent, while Justin makes sure that Jensen’s chair is safely stored. They finally get settled and start eating what they brought, and also enjoying the sun. Jared takes off his shirt and sprays himself with the bottle of Coppertone he brought. Jensen, as predicted, is wearing the rash guard he bought, as well as swimming trunks and his baseball cap, and Jared offers the bottle to him.“Spray this on yourself.”Jensen shakes his head. “Don’t need to, the rash guard has UV protection.”Jared gives him a bitchy face. “I don’t see your face or arms or legs protected. I don’t want to see you getting sunburned, come on. You’ll thank me later.”Jensen rolls his eyes but lets Jared spray him as Jared gets up from his chair to do that. Jared sprays a good amount on Jensen’s hands so he can spread the sunscreen on his face. Jared pays extra attention to Jensen’s legs, spraying even the soles of his feet. Jensen grumpily thanks him for it.They spend some time just talking and enjoying the warm day, Jared also keeps giving Jensen things to drink since it’s pretty hot.“Jay, I can’t drink too much. How am I gonna go to the bathroom when I need to pee?”Jared brushes him off. “We’ll work it out, you can cath into a bottle if you need. I don’t want you dehydrated, come on.”Jensen relents and after a while, Jared suggests they go to the water. Jensen accepts it and Chris and Justin decide to go as well. Jared pushes Jensen and as they get to the water, the three of them position themselves around the chair so there’s no risk of Jensen falling. The water is great and Jared can see on Jensen’s face that he’s enjoying it as the water splashes on his legs. They spend some time in the water and it’s pretty fun, then Jared suggests they go sit on the shallows so Jensen can get out of the chair for a while. Jensen accepts it and they do just that, Jared and Chris help Jensen out of the chair and onto the sand.“I think I’m gonna go back to the tent,” Justin says and looks at Chris pointedly, who nods and says he’s going as well.“If you guys need help, just call us.” With that Jared is left alone with Jensen, and they just sit side by side enjoying the sun and the water.“You like this, Jen?”Jensen nods as he supports himself with both arms behind him, looking up at the sky. “I do. Your idea was great. It’s good that they have these accessible beaches so folks like me can enjoy it too. We should come more often. I really missed coming to the beach and it’s awesome to enjoy this day with our friends.”Jared nods and they stay in silence for a while. Jensen closes his eyes and just lets the sun kiss his skin as the water crashes onto his legs over and over. Jared can’t take his eyes off Jensen, he looks like a goddamn vision. Jared has never seen anyone so perfect in his life, and he wants Jensen so much it makes his skin ache. Jared wishes he could just kiss Jensen right here and right now, but again he chickens out. He isn’t even sure why. Jared doesn’t know how to act on it, and also if Jensen doesn’t want him, it would probably ruin their day at the beach with their friends. Plus, they’re directly in the line of sight of said friends, and Jared doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of them if Jensen turns him down.They spend some more time like this, and eventually Jensen looks at Jared with a smile. “This was nice. Want to go back to the tent for a while?”Jared nods and gets up, bringing the chair closer. But when he touches the surface, he notices it’s very hot since the thing was under the sun for too long. “I don’t think you should sit on it, Jen. The material could burn your legs.”Jensen frowns. “What do you suggest then?” He lifts an eyebrow. “Piggyback?”Jared smiles. “Totally! Come on!”Jared positions himself in front of Jensen, with his back to him, and Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s neck. He carefully gets up and holds Jensen’s thighs over his hips, then starts walking towards the tent. Jared tries not to get his body to react to Jensen all wet on his back. He can have self control. As they arrive, Jared carefully places Jensen on one of the regular chairs, asking their friends to go get the amphibious chair. Jensen decides to just stay in the beach chair for now as they hang out.A couple of hours later Chris and Steve suggest they take Jensen to the water again, and Jared passes on it this time. He knows Jensen also needs some time with his friends, and it’s a good opportunity for them to be by themselves for a while. So he stays at the tent with Chad and Justin sitting close to him as Sophia lies on her beach towel a few feet away so she can get some tan, listening to music on her headphones.Jared keeps looking at Jensen with Chris and Steve in the water, and doesn’t even hear Justin calling him.“Earth to Jared?”Jared blinks a few times and looks at his friend. “Sorry, did you say something?”Justin chuckles and gives Jared an amused look. “Man, you like Jensen don’t you?”Jared looks down and clears his throat, feeling his heartbeat speeding up. “Of c–course I like Jensen, he’s one of my closest friends.”Chad pats his back. “Don’t play the fool, Jare. You know what Justin means.”Jared swallows hard and feels his cheeks warming up as he looks at both his friends with a frown. “Am I that obvious?”Chad shakes his head. “Not really. Just the way you can’t stop looking at him for one single second, as if you’re staring at the sun shining from his eyes. Or how every sentence that comes out of your mouth includes Jensen’s name at least three times. Or how you’re always looking after him.”Justin picks up. “Or the way it looks like there’s nobody else around when you two are together, so much so I made Chris come with me after we got out of the water to leave you two alone. How it looked like you wanted to eat him for dessert when you were sitting with him down at the shallows. I could see the desire on your face all the way from here. And don't even get me started on how you carried Jensen on your back from the water. But nah, it’s not obvious at all.”Jared bites the inside of his cheek. “I don’t even know if he wants me back. And also, it’s complicated.”Justin cocks his head to one side. “Why is it complicated? Is it because he’s in a wheelchair? Do you think you’d have a problem with that?”Jared shakes his head. “No, of course not. It really doesn’t matter to me. But it matters to Jensen. He has been going through a lot after his injury, it’s just too recent and he’s insecure about some stuff. And like I said, I don’t even know if he likes guys and/or would be interested in me.”Chad chuckles. “I’d bet that he is, Jare. And isn’t it so funny how you would always bitch about him to me before and now you want to spread him on a cracker and eat it? Man you totally want to bang him.” Chad gets a pensive look on his face. “I imagine it must be interesting to bang someone who’s paralyzed, definitely different. Do you imagine what it would be like to bang Jensen?”Jared purses his lips and looks down, he knows he must be as red as a tomato, and his sudden reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by his friends.Justin frowns as he looks at him. “Why are you all weird?” Then his eyes widen and he gasps, pointing at Jared. “Oh my God! You guys fucked already didn’t you?”Jared doesn’t move and keeps staring at a point in the sand, and Chad covers his mouth as his jaw drops.“Holy shit!! You and Jensen fucked? You’re kidding me right? When was that?”Jared lets out a breath, there’s no way he will get out of this now. So he looks up and stares at both his friends. “You guys need to promise me that this will stay between us. Not one soul knows about it except for me and Jensen. Well, at least on my end.”Both of them nod and sober up as they understand that the situation is serious. “Of course Jare. I won’t tell anyone, you know that,” Chad says and Justin agrees.“Me neither, don’t worry.”Jared nods and licks his bottom lip. “It was before his accident. When we still couldn’t stand each other.”Chad snorts as he gives Jared a surprised face at this piece of information. “Clearly that wasn’t the case!”Jared shrugs. “It happened when we traveled to Nola for a game. We had to share a room that only had one king size bed.”“Oh man, that looks like a cheesy novel.”Jared chuckles. “Well, yeah. We went out with our teammates, got drunk and stoned, and it just happened. We started teasing each other in the hotel room and one thing led to the other. It got pretty awkward between us after that, we couldn’t play together anymore like we used to.”Chad gasps. “Oooooooh, I remember that! I had no idea what had happened between the two of you. Now it makes sense.”“Yeah, and I went to Paris not long after that. That situation also helped me decide. I thought it would do me some good to spend some time away from Jensen. I thought I’d come back and things would go back to normal, but then everything had changed. While I was gone Jensen had a car accident, became paraplegic, we met completely by chance after I returned and got very close.”“And you fell in love with him,” Justin adds with a soft voice.Jared nods. “Yeah, I guess.”Chad places a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Jare, you need to stop thinking so hard. If I could bet, I think Jensen has feelings for you as well. But you guys need to act on it, one of you has to take the first step. Knowing you like I do, you’re probably worrying about ruining your friendship. But that’s a dumb thing to worry about. If you don’t try, you’ll never know. Quit waiting for the perfect opportunity. Sometimes we think we have all the time in the world, and that’s not the case. Look at Jensen, for example. Didn’t you say his accident was pretty bad? He could have died. And you would have never gotten your chance. He probably had his life all figured out and now he’s in a wheelchair with his whole life changed. Things can change in a second. Take a chance, Jare.”Jared looks at Chad with a frown as he takes in his friend’s words. “Since when you’re so insightful like this?”Chad shrugs. “I have my moments.”“He’s right Jared,” Justin adds. “From the little I saw you two together, you’re perfect for each other. On Friday when Sophia mentioned the girl looking at Jensen at the bar, your face almost melted with barely concealed jealousy. That’s when I started figuring out that it wasn’t only a close friendship between you two, actually.”“Sorry about that, by the way. Soph hadn’t taken the hint yet, I talked to her afterwards,” Chad adds and Justin continues.“I can see how intimate you are, how comfortable you two are around each other. How you take care of Jensen, always making sure he’s okay. And I can also see that under that grumpy face he gives you, he appreciates this care a lot. Just think about it, Jare. If you think he’s the one for you, don’t waste it. And I have a hunch that the ball is in your court. I don’t think Jensen would act on it even if he feels the same.”Jared nods and doesn’t say anything else since Chris and Steve are pushing Jensen back to the tent. But he thinks about his friends’ words for the rest of the day.*They spend a few more hours at the beach and it’s pretty good. Jared can see that Jensen is enjoying himself and the company of their friends, and he likes that. It’s good that they’re becoming a bigger group of friends so they can hang out together more times. Jared stays pretty much glued to Jensen’s side the rest of the day, they go to the water one more time and Jared also helps Jensen empty his bladder as discreetly as possible, handing him an empty bottle, hand sanitizer, gloves and a catheter, and throwing a big towel over his body so he can have a tad of privacy.Eventually they pack everything and Jared again assists Jensen getting back in his own chair, then everyone makes their way to the cars and store everything. The ride home is nice, the three of them chat a bit in the car, but Jared can’t stop thinking about the conversation he had with Chad and Justin. At some point Jensen starts talking about how he enjoyed the day and they can come back eventually, even to spend the whole weekend, and Jared finds himself smiling at Jensen like a fool. Then he catches Justin’s eyes on the rearview mirror, looking at him knowingly and mouthing you're so gone!, making Jared swallow dry.They drop Justin off and finally arrive home. Jared offers for Jensen to go shower first while he unpacks everything, and then he takes a shower himself. He finds Jensen in the kitchen all ready for bed, and he gives Jared a smile.“Man, I’m beat. You’d think that being sitting down all the time would make you less tired, but it’s quite the contrary. I’m exhausted and ready to collapse. I guess it was the warm day.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “But you enjoyed today, didn’t ya?”Jensen nods vigorously. “Oh God, yes. It was perfect, Jay. I like hanging out with our friends, we make a good group. I mean, I love it when we hang out the two of us. But it’s nice to be with them too. Again you had an amazing idea.”Jared smiles at Jensen and wonders if he should say something regarding his inner turmoil, but Jensen speaks first. “I’ll head to bed then. I really need to stretch my body a bit since I spent pretty much all day long sitting down so my legs are hurting and spasming a bit.”Not the right moment, then. “You need anything? Your meds?”“I’ll take my meds for nerve pain to bed with me, and I’ll have some if it gets too bad. Night, Jay. See ya in the morning.”With that Jensen wheels to his bedroom, and Jared goes to bed as well. Again he has a restless night thinking about everything the guys said. They’re right, Jared is in love with Jensen. And he can’t not do anything about it, or wait for the perfect moment. He’s afraid of how Jensen will respond but he needs to take a chance. Life is too short and can end in a second. So Jared won’t waste any more time letting Jensen know he’s head over heels in love with him. He just needs to figure out how to say it.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
On the next day Jared is late for his classes but before leaving, he briefly tells Jensen they should talk about some stuff. Jensen wonders what it is that Jared wants to talk about, and hopes it’s not anything too serious or something Jensen has done.Jensen changes only into a fresh t-shirt and keeps his boxers on, and spends the morning working on arts for the publisher and also some commissions. He spends a couple of hours on the standing frame since his legs are still bothering him a bit. Nerve pain is a fucking bitch. Then he returns to his chair and decides to make himself some tea before continuing. He boils the water in the kettle and prepares the tea, then places the mug between his legs to carry it to the table. He puts the mug close to himself on the table since the tea is too hot and goes back to his drawing. Jensen is too distracted by what he’s drawing, and when he moves his arm up to inspect his work he accidentally bumps on the mug, causing it to fall on his lap, spilling the tea on his bare thighs.“Damn it!!” Jensen exclaims, letting go of the tablet and wheeling backwards. He grabs the empty mug and places it back on the table, cursing himself that he’s now wet all over. Jensen goes to the kitchen sink and grabs a rag, wetting it on the faucet and patting his legs with it. He also wheels to the couch and transfers to it so he can try and get his chair dry, especially his cushion. Jensen feels a headache forming and his face feels a bit warm, so he closes his eyes and rests his head on the backrest of the couch for a while.Eventually he hears the door opening and doesn’t move as Jared greets him. He can hear Jared’s footsteps coming closer and then Jared’s voice. “Jen, are you okay?” Jensen just murmurs affirmatively, and then Jared speaks again in a scared tone. “Jensen, what happened to your legs??”Jensen’s eyes shoot open and he looks at Jared, who has a horrified expression on his face. Jensen frowns and looks down, gasping when he sees the state of his legs.“Oh shit.” His thighs are angry red, there are some blisters scattered on them, his skin looking marred.Jared kneels down in front of Jensen and looks at him with big eyes, his hands hovering over his thighs but not touching. “What the hell happened Jen?”Jensen purses his lips. “I… I spilled the tea I made.” Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose and lowers his head. “I didn’t realize it was so hot. I didn’t feel it. God.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s bicep, and speaks in a deeply worried tone. “Jen, we need to get you to a hospital!”Jensen shakes his head. “No… it’s not necessary. It’s just some burns, we can treat them at home. Plus, you need to go to work soon.”Jared moves his head and places it on Jensen’s face. “You’re too warm, Jen. Your face is pink. You can’t feel how much pain you’re in, it could be something serious. Plus you know how your legs don’t sweat so your temperature is dysregulated. This is not up for discussion. I know you’re not a fan of hospitals but we’re going right now, they need to check your legs.”Jensen groans, hating himself for not being able to feel the burns on his legs. Jared helps him into his chair and runs to the bedroom, coming back with a sheet, then grabs a water bottle from the fridge. He pushes Jensen to the car despite his protests that he can go by himself, and also helps him into the passenger seat. Jared places the sheet over his legs and soon is taking the driver’s seat and pulling into the street while calling the clinic to inform he won’t be able to go today due to an emergency. He orders Jensen to drink the water, which he does greedily. Jared drives fast and soon they’re at the hospital. He parks the car and pushes Jensen to the reception. Jensen wants to argue that he can speak for himself, but he feels weird so he allows Jared to do it.“My friend has some burns on his legs from dropping scalding tea on them, there are blisters and the skin is very red. He has an incomplete spinal cord injury so he can’t feel the burns. He’s also running a light fever apparently, his temperature is dysregulated.”The nurse asks them to quickly fill the form and Jared asks Jensen some info he doesn’t know, which he manages to provide. Then Jensen is taken through some doors to an open area with curtains, and Jared is allowed to go with him. A male nurse helps Jensen get on the gurney, and starts patting his legs with wet cool towels. They take his vitals and start an IV to give Jensen fluids and some meds, and soon the doctor comes to examine him. Thankfully he deems the burns not life threatening, just second degree burns that can be treated at home, they only need to pay attention and come back immediately if they notice that the skin got worse or in any sign of infection. He prescribes some meds for Jensen to take at home, as well as an ointment to be applied on the blisters. A nurse cleans the area and applies the prescribed antibiotic, covering the area with a sterile bandage that doesn’t stick to the skin. He instructs Jensen - and Jared - to remove the bandages when Jensen showers later (with lukewarm water only) and then reapply the ointment and cover the thighs again.Then they’re left alone as they wait for the fluids and meds to make their way into Jensen’s body, and he finally allows the adrenaline to fade as his temperature also drops.“God I feel so stupid,” he murmurs as he covers his eyes with a hand.Jared gently pulls his hand away and looks kindly at him. “Why? You had an accident Jen, it could happen to anyone.”Jensen scoffs. “Yes, but anyone would have fucking felt the scalding water on their legs. But not me, since I couldn’t feel the temperature I just assumed it was no big deal. My legs must be hurting like hell and I can’t feel them, Jay. I know I’m slowly getting better but when something like this happens I feel like such a failure. I keep thinking that I may seriously burn or cut or hurt my legs and I won’t even feel it. I mean, I do have some feeling on them but not enough.”Jared purses his lips and caresses Jensen’s arm. “I know it sucks. And there’s not a lot to say. It’s something you need to get used to and pay extra attention always, it’s something else that comes with your SCI. But don’t feel like a failure please. You’re still getting used to this new body, Jen. It just didn’t occur to you that it could be something more serious.” Jensen just nods, unable to say anything, and Jared goes on in a softer tone. “Can I take care of you? It’s not that I think you can’t do it. I just–”Jensen smiles and finishes for him. “You just want to?” Jared smiles back and nods. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that. Thank you again, Jay.”“No need to thank me at all.”*Jensen is released and Jared drives him home. They stop at the drugstore so Jared can get what they will need, and Jensen tries to argue that Jared takes his credit card but Jared just brushes him off. They arrive home and Jared sends Jensen to the bed, ordering for him to get some rest. Jensen doesn’t even try to protest since he’s pretty drained. He knows that spending all day under the sun yesterday also contributed to him feeling off like this. Jared brings some cold water in a stanley bottle and places it next to Jensen’s bed, also ordering for him to drink. Jared also grabs the hoodie he gave Jensen, telling him to put it on, which Jensen is glad for since it gives him extra comfort. Jensen tries to suggest Jared goes to the clinic to work and his friend gently tells him to shut up and just rest. Jensen does just that, he spends most of the afternoon napping and allowing his body to recover. He imagines that he would be in deep pain if he could feel his legs, so for once it’s actually a good thing that he can barely feel anything, just a very light warm sensation on his thighs.In the late afternoon Jensen finally gets out of bed and goes to the living room, finding Jared preparing something for dinner apparently.“I’m making something light for us to eat, just grilled chicken and steamed vegetables.” Jensen nods and once it’s ready they eat mostly in silence, with just Jared asking how Jensen is feeling and him telling his friend he’s as good as possible given the circumstances.Once they’re done eating, Jared sends Jensen to the couch so he can clean the table and kitchen, and Jensen protests.“I can help, you know.”Jared gives him a bitchy face. “I know you can. You help me all the time with everything. But today you’re hurt and I said I’ll take care of you. It’s what we do for people we care about, regardless if they have a SCI or not. People get passes when they’re hurt or sick. So can you please lemme do it? I want to, Jen.”Jensen finally relents and does as asked. Once Jared is done they watch TV for a while, and then Jensen says he’s going to take a shower. Jared turns off the TV as Jensen gets into his chair, then Jared carefully unwraps the bandages from Jensen’s legs and sends him to the shower, asking Jensen to call him again once he’s done. Jensen grabs what he needs from his bedroom and moves to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar per Jared’s request. He makes sure the water isn’t too hot so it won’t worsen the condition of his legs, which already look horrible. Jensen only hopes he’s not left with even more scars than he already has.
Jared
Jared busies himself in the kitchen doing some dishes as Jensen showers. He keeps thinking about the events from today and how it sucks. He can understand why Jensen is upset, it must suck getting burned and not even feeling it.Jared had planned on talking to Jensen today about his feelings, but of course that got pushed to the back of his mind since there were more important matters. Jared doesn’t know whether he’s relieved or frustrated, or even both. He’s pretty nervous about the prospect of declaring his love for Jensen, how he will react, his stomach hurts with anxiety. Why does it have to be so hard? Why can’t the perfect opportunity just present itself like in the movies?A while later Jensen calls Jared from the bathroom, and he goes check out on him. He finds Jensen sitting on the edge of the shower bench, already dry and wearing boxers, holding a towel over his torso.“Hey Jen!”Jensen turns to him. “My hm… my legs have decided to be extra spastic today. Guess it’s the stress they endured. I’m having some trouble getting them out of the tub and in the chair. Can you help me?”Jared can see how Jensen is embarrassed by that, and Jared tries not to make a big deal out of it. He just nods and gets to action, very carefully taking Jensen’s jiggling legs out of the tub and placing them on the floor as Jensen shifts around on the bench. Then he gives Jensen a hand getting in the chair and places his legs on the footplate, noticing how the spasms subdue a bit.“Damn that’s fucked up,” Jensen says as he rearranges the towel, again holding it over his torso. “My legs couldn't be more weird if they tried.”Jared notices what Jensen is doing from where he’s kneeling next to his chair. “Jen, why are you covering yourself?”Jensen lets out a breath. “Because I forgot to grab a fresh t-shirt and the one I was wearing got wet because I left it on the floor.”Jared frowns. “But why are you still hiding your body from me?”Jensen rolls his eyes. “Because… because I have these scars and I don’t like anyone to see them. And now my body is even uglier because of the burns on my legs, as if I wasn’t enough of a freak.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “You’re not a freak, Jen. You should know by now that you don’t need to hide yourself from me. Don’t you know that? I think we’re more than that by now, aren’t we?”Jensen just looks down, and Jared takes the opportunity to inspect his legs. He grabs another towel from the rack and makes sure to dry them thoroughly, then takes the ointment and bandages from the sink. He spends some time very gently spreading the ointment on Jensen’s skin, being very aware of how he’s touching Jensen and trying to get himself under control. He doesn’t look up as he fully concentrates on his task, then carefully wraps the bandages around his thighs.When Jared finally looks up again, he notices that Jensen has dropped the towel, his torso on full display for Jared. Jensen’s arms are bent, his hands on his wheels. Jared’s eyes linger on how they rest on the tires and his fingers loosely grip the rims, and Jared suddenly finds even that so sexy of Jensen. Jared slowly looks up and finds Jensen staring back at him, biting his bottom lip and looking very nervous as if he’s expecting Jared to say he’s ugly or something.Jared has never in his life seen anyone so perfect. His gaze travels down, lingering on his torso and the few scars scattered there. Jared can’t help himself as his hand lifts up and touches one scar a little above Jensen’s navel, tracing it lightly with his index and middle fingers. He can hear Jensen swallowing hard.“What… hm, what are you doing?” he asks in almost a whisper.Jared answers without looking up, his voice coming out raspy as his fingers travel up. “Getting to know your body.”Jensen clears his throat. “It’s a broken, scarred body now.”Jared shrugs, reaching another scar on Jensen’s chest and placing his open palm over it. “It’s still a body… with a strong heart beating inside it.”“Jay…” Jensen starts but doesn’t say anything else. He stays still as a statue as Jared repositions himself, kneeling up so he’s almost at the same level as Jensen’s face. His hand travels from Jensen’s chest up to his neck and rests on the base of it for a moment. Jared realizes right there that this is the moment he needed, and he doesn’t want to wait any longer. He also realizes something else, something very important.“You know Jen,” Jared says, finally looking up to face Jensen, noticing how his pupils are dilated and his lips are pursed. “I have wanted to tell you something for a while. I have been thinking how I should say it, or when. And I just realized something. Wanna know what?”Jared can see how Jensen’s Adam's apple bobs up and down. “W–what?”Jared’s hand moves up again, framing Jensen’s face. “I realized that when we have something like that to say, the best thing to do is not say it. It’s just doing it.”Before Jensen can say anything else, Jared surges forward and finally captures his lips in a kiss. Jensen lets out a gasp but kisses Jared back, one of his hands coming up to wrap around Jared’s neck. Jared feels his heart almost exploding with the knowledge that Jensen is reciprocating the kiss, he uses his other hand to also frame Jensen’s face and licks his lips. Jensen parts them and their tongues twine, creating a delicious rhythm, and Jared could die right now he’s so happy. Kissing Jensen is much better than he remembered from their drunk adventure.After a few moments Jensen gently pulls back and manages to murmur. “Jay… what are you doing?”Jared closes the distance again and plants kisses on the corner of Jensen’s mouth between his words. “I’m kissing you Jen. Isn’t it obvious?”“But… but why?” Jensen asks as he grips Jared’s neck tighter.Jared snorts. “Because I want to?”Jensen allows himself to kiss Jared again, and then pulls back holding Jared’s face a couple of inches away. “Don’t do this to me please,” he pleads without opening his eyes, and Jared frowns as he places both hands around Jensen’s neck.“Why the hell not?” He whispers.Jensen swallows hard again and half opens his eyes, giving Jared a pleading look. “Because I can’t… if this isn’t… I can’t get even more hurt, Jared.”Jared opens up a smile, understanding now where Jensen is coming from. He brings one of his hands up again and traces Jensen’s lips with his thumb, his brows drawn up in a pleading look.“Jen, do you want this? Me?”Jensen lowers his head and nods, his voice small and filled with emotion. “More than I want anything else in my life to be honest,” he admits.Jared’s heart almost jumps out of his chest as he reads what Jensen is maybe implying between the lines, and it feels as if he just won the lottery. Jared places a hand under Jensen’s chin and lifts his head back up. He gives Jensen a blinding smile and kisses him again, speaking between kisses once more.“Do you think… I’d kiss you like this… if I didn’t want something more with you?”Jensen gives him a hopeful look. “Really?”Jared nods. “Jen, the thing I wanted to talk to you about was that I have strong feelings for you. And I wasn’t sure if you felt the same, I was terrified of admitting my feelings for you and being shot down, then making things awkward between us.”Jensen looks intensely at Jared for a few moments, then shakes his head. “God, no. I’d never. I want you so much it hurts, Jay. I think I have for a long time, but only recently I started admitting to myself. I also didn’t say anything because well… it’s hard for me. Danneel left me after I became paraplegic. That girl at the bar lost all interest when she realized what I was sitting in. It’s hard to believe someone would want a disabled guy like me, when my body looks like this.”Jared lets out a breath and caresses Jensen’s hair, burying his fingers in it.“They don’t count. They don’t feel the way I feel for you. I don’t see just a body, Jen. I see you, more than anything. I don’t care if your body has scars, if part of it can’t move, if it uses a wheelchair to get around. But for the record, I really like your body as well. It’s not that I love you despite it. I love this body too. I think it’s a very beautiful body, just like this.” Jared traces Jensen’s naked torso again and gives him an intense look. “Can you show me the rest of your scars?”Jensen studies Jared for a few heartbeats and finally nods, placing his hands on his wheels again and turning his chair around, showing his back to Jared. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees as Jared sees those scars for the first time. There are many smaller ones scattered mostly on the center of Jensen’s back, and a big, red, more prominent one right in the center, starting in the middle of his back and going down all the way, disappearing under Jensen’s boxers. Jared gets closer and runs his thumb lightly down the scar.“You had your spine surgery here, right?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. They had to insert some titanium plates to stabilize my spine and also remove the shattered pieces of the vertebrae. I hate this scar.”Jared keeps caressing it with his thumb, leaning closer to plant a kiss to it. “I think I love it. It just makes you who you are. And I love who you are now.” Jared gets up from where he was kneeling on the floor and places both hands on Jensen’s hips, kissing his way up from his scar, his upper back between his shoulder blades, until he reaches his neck.“I love backs, you know that?” Jared says as he keeps kissing Jensen’s neck and upper back, his thumbs caressing his hips. “I think a muscular back is one of the sexiest parts in a man’s body. And oh God Jensen, I love your back. I’d only see it hidden behind shirts, and I already loved what I could see, especially when you’re working out. The real thing now? Wow.”Jensen scoffs and slowly turns around to face Jared, who kneels down again. “You really mean all of that?”Jared nods again, he’s gonna tell Jensen how he feels as much as it takes to make him believe it. “With every piece of my heart. I want you so much, Jen. You have no idea.”Jensen purses his lips and places his hand on the base of Jared’s neck again. “It might not be easy. I haven’t done this since… well, you know that. You may need to be patient as I sort things out, I’m still trying to figure myself out. You know it’s recent.”Jared nods, placing a hand on Jensen’s wheel for support and he leans forward to kiss him again. “I know. We can take it slowly, Jen. There’s no rush. I just didn’t want to waste any more time telling you how I feel because well… things can always change in a second.”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I know that.”Jared kisses him again, already addicted to Jensen’s inebriating taste. “Does that mean we’re doing this? You taking me?”Jensen nods, pressing their foreheads together. “If you’re really sure about it then yeah, I am. I just hope you’re not too disappointed.”“There’s no way. I just want this, and for us to learn things together. I want to be close to you like this. We do it at your pace.”Jensen opens a small smile. “Then let’s give it a shot.”Jared opens a huge smile and kisses Jensen again. “Sleep on my bed with me tonight then?” Jensen lifts an eyebrow and Jared chuckles. “Not like that, I promise. I can behave. I just want to be close to you and cuddle. To feel you. Please?”Jensen nods. “Yeah okay. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep in another room after this.”Jared shrugs. “It will just save me the trouble of invading your room and sneaking into your bed in the middle of the night to sleep with you.”Jensen chuckles. “It’s a deal then. Still can’t believe all of this just happened, my mind is spinning.”Jared kisses him again. “Mine too, but in the best way possible. Shall we go then?” Jared gets up and tries to pull Jensen by the hand, but he uses the other on his wheel to stop his chair from moving.“Hey sport, have patience! I still need to finish my nightly routine and you also need to take a shower and do yours!”Jared pouts. “Yeah, okay. But go quickly, I’ll go get the bedroom ready for us!” With another peck on Jensen’s lips, Jared flees out of the bathroom. He grabs Jensen’s pillows and meds from his bedroom and takes them to his own, arranging everything. His heart is beating a thousand times per second, he can’t believe he finally had the guts to act on his crush and Jensen reciprocated it. Jared feels like screaming from the rooftop.Eventually Jensen wheels into his bedroom, still only in boxers. All the rest of his body is naked, his bare feet on the footplate of his chair. Jared stares at him for a moment and feels his dick hardening in his pants just with the sight of Jensen being all glorious before him. Jared licks his bottom lip and clears his throat.“I hmm-I arranged everything here. Make yourself comfortable while I take a shower, okay?”Jensen nods with a smile, and when Jared walks past him to go to the bathroom Jensen grabs his arm. Jared stops and Jensen fists his shirt so he can pull him down for a kiss. Jared goes with it and presses their lips together, trying not to deepen it since he doesn’t think he would be able to stop.“I’ll be right back,” he murmurs in Jensen’s lips.Jared runs to the bathroom and gets under the shower spray. He takes care of his erection, working himself while thinking of Jensen, supporting himself with one hand on the wall and jacking his dick off until his load shoots all over the tiles. He has decided it’s safer to take care of it now so as not to put Jensen in a situation he’s not ready for yet, better to take the edge off now. Jared then dresses in his own boxers and quickly brushes his teeth, running back to the bedroom. He finds Jensen lying on his bed, on his left side - Jared knows he doesn’t sleep on his back so as to relieve pressure from his butt and legs - his chair sitting next to the bed, and Jared knows this is a vision he can totally get used to.He turns the light off and takes his place on the bed, mirroring Jensen’s position, facing him, able to see Jensen’s face with the light coming in from the window. “Hey, you.”Jensen smiles. “Hey there.”Jared swallows hard. “I’m nervous,” he admits.Jensen nods. “Me too. This is new, for sure. I mean, I know we’ve done much more before, but…”Jensen trails off and Jared finishes for him. “But everything is different now. That happened in another life. We started again, remember?” Jensen nods and Jared places a hand on Jensen’s thigh. “How u feeling? Any discomfort in your legs?”Jensen shrugs. “Just some nerve pain, but that’s normal. Also in my lower back, which happens sometimes especially on the level of my injury. I guess it’s the stress of today.”Jared runs his fingers lightly up, going from Jensen’s thigh to ghost over his arm. “Want a massage?”Jensen lifts his eyebrows. “Really?”Jared nods. “Well, I’m a physical therapist in the making. Giving good massages is what we study for.”Jensen laughs. “Well, I won’t say no to this generous offer!”“Be right back then!”Jared rushes to the bathroom again and grabs a moisturizer. As he returns he turns on the bedside lamp and helps Jensen turn on his stomach, adjusting his legs accordingly. Jared positions himself kneeling next to Jensen’s body. “I won’t straddle you so I won’t put pressure on your legs because of the burns,” he explains and Jensen nods. Jensen places both arms under his head and closes his eyes. Jared spreads some moisturizer on his back, taking his time to admire the beauty of it. Jared rubs his hands to warm them up, and places them on Jensen’s upper back. First he works his shoulders, since Jensen puts a lot of strain on them to wheel around. He massages them thoroughly, applying pressure on the right places, eliciting some low murmurs from Jensen. Jared is glad he jacked off in the shower so he can control himself better while doing this.Then Jared slowly makes his way down Jensen’s back, and when he reaches his waist he just keeps his hands in place for a moment. “Jen, does it hurt when I touch this area?”Jensen frowns without opening his eyes. “It doesn’t hurt. It’s just a bit weird because of the sensitivity of this transition area.”Jared nods and places both open palms on each side of Jensen’s waist, applying a bit more pressure with his thumbs. “Where exactly is your injury? Can you feel my hands on your back?”Jensen nods. “Yep. It’s lower.”“Okay, tell me when.”Jared slowly brings his thumbs down, and when he is a couple of inches above Jensen’s boxers, he calls it. “Right there. It’s a weird oversensitive mix of feeling and barely feeling.”Jared works the area very gently, paying attention to Jensen’s reaction to make sure he’s not discomfortable. But Jensen just stays in place looking peaceful as Jared massages the tender area. He pays extra attention to the scar, rubbing circles over it with the right amount of pressure. Jared massages the whole area for a while, noticing how a small smile spreads on Jensen’s face, and he mentally high fives himself for his idea. He can definitely get used to massaging Jensen like this.As Jared finishes, he leans down and plants a kiss to Jensen’s scar. “All done!”Jensen lets out a sigh. “I’m totally spent right now. That was amazing, Jay.”Jared smiles. “Glad to be of your service! Now turn on your side again so we can sleep.”Jensen groans. “Can’t I sleep like this?”“No, sir. Best not to put pressure on your wounds for the whole night. Come on, I’ll help you turn.”Jensen pouts but allows Jared to help him back on his side. Jared lies next to him again and touches his face. “Feeling better?”Jensen lets out an affirmation sound. “Hm yes. You have great hands. Thanks for the massage.”“Anytime. Call it an extra from your physical therapy program. And I offer home sessions but that’s exclusive for you.”Jensen chuckles and Jared can see how his eyes are only half opened. “Good, I wouldn’t like to share. Man, I’m tired. This day was so damn long.”Jared scoots closer and gives Jensen a long kiss, then arranges the covers over their bodies. “Let’s just sleep then. Today was full of lots of emotions. But I’m so happy. Are you happy Jen?”Jensen smiles and wraps an arm around Jared’s body, bringing him closer. “Despite having even more malfunctionings in my body right now, I’m definitely happy. Wasn’t counting on having my feelings reciprocated today. So this day started pretty shitty but it ended in an amazing way.”Jared smiles back, feeling like his heart is about to burst out of his chest. “I agree. And it’s only the beginning. For now let’s just sleep like this because I’m beat too.”Jensen nods and kisses Jared again. “Night, Jay. Sleep well.”“I’ll definitely sleep with an angel tonight.”Jensen snorts. “That was incredibly cheesy.”“I know. I am incredibly cheesy.”“Yeah, I’m aware. And I love that about you.”
Jensen
Jensen slowly wakes up and tries to become aware of his surroundings. It takes a few moments to realize where he’s at, since it doesn’t feel like his own bed. Then he feels a weight around his waist and when he opens his eyes, finds Jared’s face just a few inches from his own. Jensen opens up a smile as everything comes rushing back, and he still can’t believe this actually happened, that it wasn’t only a good dream. Jared totally kissed him last night and confessed to having feelings for him. How insane is that?It’s still hard for Jensen to believe someone as incredible as Jared could be in love with him. Jensen is a big wreck on wheels, so he doesn’t understand. Jensen loves Jared with all his heart, but he wouldn’t be so selfish as to have Jared commit himself with someone with so much problems as Jensen. It’s not fair to him. Jensen doesn’t know what’s like being in a relationship with someone disabled since he himself never had this experience. But he can guess it’s a huge challenge, since you’d have to deal with someone else’s problems when you really don’t have to. Why would someone choose that when they can have someone else who’s whole and much less maintenance? Plus, if you’re in a relationship like this you have to constantly deal with stares from others, folks probably wondering what you’re doing with someone that can’t even walk. It doesn’t make sense to Jensen why someone would put themselves through this for no reason.Jensen stays like this, quietly thinking about everything, until he hears a low voice. “You’re thinking so loud I can almost hear you from here.”Jensen looks at Jared, who has his eyes only half opened and is looking at Jensen with a smile. “Sorry about that,” Jensen says in an equally low voice and Jared smiles, leaning closer for a kiss.“Jay, our breaths are horrible,” Jensen complains but kisses Jared again nevertheless.“Don’t care. I like this.” Jared snuggles closer and holds Jensen tighter. “What u thinking so hard about?”Jensen shrugs, deciding to be honest. “Just… wondering why a great guy like you would want to go through the trouble of dating a paraplegic guy.”Jared purses his lips and caresses Jensen’s naked back. “You're not just a paraplegic guy. You're Jensen. I’m dating you, because I really like you and I want to date you. Jensen. That’s all.”Jensen frowns, trying to understand Jared’s point of view even if it’s hard for him.“You sure you don’t mind my wheelchair?”Jared lifts his head from the pillow for a moment to stare at Jensen’s chair behind him, then shakes his head. “Nah. I think it’s a pretty good wheelchair, if you ask me. Sturdy, nice brand. You chose well.”Jensen chuckles, but then turns serious again as he blinks at Jared. “Jay.”Jared kisses the tip of Jensen’s nose. “I don’t mind the wheelchair. I mind the dude sitting in it.”Jensen stares at Jared for a moment. “You make everything seem so easy.”“Maybe because it is, Jen. You’re worrying too much about it. We like each other and want to be together. I think it’s pretty simple, if you ask me.”Jensen purses his lips. “Don’t pretend it’s gonna be easy, Jay. You know it won’t. Dating someone paraplegic can’t be easy, it comes with lots of challenges. It won’t be the same as it would be if I could walk. We can’t ignore this.”Jared kisses him again. “I know it won’t, and I’m not gonna disrespect you by pretending to ignore your disability, I haven’t done that so far have I? It’s a part of you that needs attention, I know that. But I want to embrace it all because I wanna be with you. I’m willing to face the challenges it will bring. And we’ll deal and learn everything together. I’m not saying it will be easy, I know it won’t. But if we like each other, we can make it work. We like each other, don’t we?”Jared wiggles his eyebrows and Jensen laughs. “Yeah, I guess we totally do.”“Good. We’re gonna have an interabled relationship then. Know what that is? When someone disabled dates someone able-bodied. It’s more common than you think, actually. And we’re gonna add to the numbers.”Jensen nods. “Okay, we can do that. I’m not saying I’m completely convinced though, I won’t lie to you. It’s not easy for me. But I’ll try.”“Good, that’s a start. Now let’s kiss to consummate our interabled relationship.” They get lost in each other for a few moments, Jensen loving the taste of Jared despite the morning breath, and Jared speaks again as they break apart.“So… I’m gonna take a lucky guess here that you’re bi then?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. I always chose to hide the part of me that likes dudes. It was easier that way. And you thought I was a homophobe if I remember correctly.”Jared scrunches up his nose. “Yeah, actually. Because of the look on your face when you caught me with Stephen in the locker room. And your attitude afterwards.”Jensen snorts. “I was jealous, Jared. And I didn’t even understand it myself. I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling and I got pissed.”A smirk forms on Jared’s face. “You totally had the hots for me already back then!”Jensen rolls his eyes. “You’re the one to talk! Dude, you invited me to join you and Stephen at the frat party while you were making out!”Jared’s eyes widen. “Guilty as charged!”Jensen remembers that night. “Man, I was so pissed when you invited me over because damn I wanted to take up on your invitation. I wanted to punch Stephen out of the way and take his place. I went inside, grabbed Danneel and took her to a room, fucker her senseless. I needed to release my pent up sexual tension somehow.”Jared looks surprised hearing that. “Dang, we were two idiots, weren’t we? I hated you so much, saw you as a cocky asshole who thought you were better than everyone else, and yet I wanted to get in your pants so badly. It’s not even a surprise we ended up fucking that night in Nola.”Jensen nods and looks down between their bodies, feeling a bit uncomfortable all of the sudden. He remembers what he did to Jared that night, and knows he can’t do it anymore. He doesn’t feel like talking about it right now though, and apparently Jared feels Jensen is done with the chat. So he blessedly changes the subject.“Okay so. We need to start our day, I guess. Our first day after becoming bedmates. I like that.” Jensen chuckles, his heart feeling a tad lighter. Jared really knows how to put him at ease. “Can I check your legs?” Jensen nods and turns on his back. Jared pulls the covers away and unwraps the bandages from around Jensen’s thighs, turning on the bedside lamp to have a better look at the wounds. “They look okay, Jen. Definitely not worse than yesterday and no signs of infection. That’s a good sign. You won’t have to amputate or anything.”Jensen scoffs. “Yeah, because that’s just what I needed right now.”Jared goes to the bathroom to grab the supplies, then cleans the area, reapplies the antibiotic ointment and wraps the thighs again. “I’ll hit the bathroom and then start some breakfast for us while you stretch, alright?”Jensen nods and Jared leaves him alone. He does his morning stretching routine for a while, he has learned it really helps his body to do that, it makes his legs less stiff and the nerve pain in them and also his back don’t usually bother him as much. When he’s on his hands and knees, stretching back and forth, Jared shows up on the doorstep.“Now that’s something I definitely can get used to! Keep going please. Maybe turn around so the angle is better from where I’m standing.”Jensen chuckles and finishes his exercises as Jared returns to the kitchen, then goes to the bathroom for his morning routine. It’s still not easy for Jensen going through all of that just to start his day. He feels like he spends a good portion of it just dealing with his disability and making sure he’s the least functional. It frustrates him taking so long with everything, but he tries to swallow it down. It’s his daily life now and mourning about his reality won’t do him any good.When Jensen is done he joins Jared at the dining table so they can have breakfast together. They’ve done that countless times since Jensen moved in, but now it’s totally different. Now they’re something else and it feels great. Jared sits closer to Jensen and they share some kisses as they eat. Eventually Jared has to leave for his classes since he’s late already, and Jensen promises to take care of the kitchen. Before going, Jared leans down and gives Jensen a long kiss.“I’m gonna miss you, wish you were coming to the clinic today. It will be a long day.”Jensen chuckles, but he agrees. He doesn’t go to the rehab clinic everyday anymore, so he will definitely miss Jared. “See you tonight,” he says as they share another kiss, and soon Jared is out of the door.Jensen cleans the kitchen and then goes to work. He spends hours concentrated on his arts, and today he’s more inspired than usual. His mind is filled with hazel eyes, beautiful dimples, the feeling of Jared’s lips on his, his scent. He manages to do more commissions than he originally planned, and Jensen is happy with his work.He calls it a day in the middle of the afternoon, and has a sudden idea. Jared will arrive home tired and hungry, as he always is after a long day. So Jensen could do something to make him happy, since Jared himself does so much for Jensen. So Jensen thinks about it and decides to make something for dinner for them. It could be nice and maybe Jared will enjoy it.So Jensen grabs his backpack and a shopping bag, going to a nearby Target. It’s still hard for him to go out alone like this, he doesn’t like the stares, but he tells himself he needs to get used to it. Like Jared says, he has all the right to be out doing stuff just like everyone else. Jensen arrives at the store and grabs a basket, placing it on his lap, and wheels around the store for a while. He checks everything out, and he has an idea to make a charcuterie board. It will definitely be easy for him and it’s totally delicious. Jensen gets a few different kinds of cheeses, salami and prosciutto which he loves.Of course he has one of those moments when a middle-aged woman approaches him as he’s trying to decide which dips he wants.“Oh dear! Do you need help?”Jensen turns around and finds the woman giving him a pity look. “I’m good, thanks.”“Are you sure? I can help you get what you need, it’s no problem.”Jensen purses his lips and lets out a sigh. “It’s okay. I can do it myself. Thank you.”The lady clasps her hands together and bends down a bit as if she’s talking to a child. “You poor thing, so young and handsome and in a wheelchair. What happened?”Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose, he truly doesn’t want to answer that because it’s definitely none of this stranger’s business. So he answers the first thing that comes to mind. “Was just born like this. Such a shame, I know. But handsome people can be disabled too, it happens more than you can imagine.”She just waves a hand at him. “Oh you’re right, sorry. But if you’re good, it’s okay then. I must say how good it is to see you out here like this all by yourself, you’re so brave. Congratulations, you’re definitely an inspiration, we see handicapped people all cooped up inside but you’re out here doing your thing. Good job!”With that she actually pats Jensen on the shoulder and leaves. Jensen lets out a deep breath of frustration and throws his head back, blinking at the ceiling. Why are people like this? Jensen doesn’t need to be congratulated or called an inspiration just because he’s in a Target getting groceries. He’s not brave just because he’s existing on the most basic level doing what everyone else does. Jensen realizes that his life will pretty much always be like this, people patronizing and calling him an inspiration as if he chose to live in a wheelchair just for the extra challenge. He knows he will need to get used to it because he knows it’s bound to happen many more times now that he’s starting to go out on his own and hopefully soon it won’t even bother him anymore. People are just not used to see disabled folks existing by themselves doing ordinary stuff. Maybe Jared can help him come up with funny situations to tell strangers when they blatantly ask him why he’s in a wheelchair. Like jumping off a building after getting caught by the husband of the lady he was sleeping with or things like that. Jensen shakes his head and carries on with his shopping. After getting the dips he grabs bread and some crackers, also some fruits, nuts and olives. Jensen also chooses a nice bottle of wine, actually having to ask someone for help to reach the bottle he wants since it’s too high for him - not that lady though - and lastly he grabs candles and a box of Ghirardelli brownies since Jared loves those.He checks everything out and pays for the items, the nice lady at the counter helps him bag everything and Jensen places the shopping bag on his lap, the wine secure in his backpack. Jensen feels happy for achieving something as ordinary as going grocery shopping by himself, and getting past the encounter with that stranger. As he arrives home he starts preparations. First the brownie, and then as it’s in the oven Jensen moves to the board. He finds a website to give him some ideas to make it look pretty, then grabs a board from a cupboard and some bowls. Jensen spends some time cutting the cheeses and arranging everything on the board and adding the dips in the bowls. When it’s all finished he admires his work and protects the board with plastic wrap before putting it in the fridge for now. Then Jensen takes a shower and gets dressed so he will look a tad more presentable.When it’s almost the time Jared usually comes home, Jensen sets the table. He arranges the plates, cutlery and glasses so they sit kitty corner from each other as they usually do. Then Jensen cuts the brownie into square pieces and places them neatly on a plate, leaving it on the counter. As Jared finally arrives he takes one look at Jensen, all dressed up, and the table, and lifts an eyebrow.“What’s all this?”Jensen shrugs. “Feel like going in for dinner?”Jared’s eyes widen and a smile spreads on his face. “Oh my God, Jen! Can’t believe you did all that!” He closes the distance to give Jensen a long kiss. “God, I missed you. I think I’ll prescribe rehab to you everyday again so we can spend every afternoon together.”Jensen chuckles. “I missed you too.”Jared sets his backpack down. “I’ll go have a shower and get changed then. You’re looking all amazing and I look - and smell - like a mess. Okay? What are we having for dinner? I don’t smell anything!”“Sure, go ahead. And it’s a surprise. Go get ready and I’ll set everything here while you’re gone.”Jared gives Jensen a peck on the lips before rushing to the bathroom. Meanwhile Jensen gets the board and wine from the fridge, arranging everything on the table, as well as opening the wine and pouring some in the glasses. He also lights up the candles he bought and dims the lights. Lastly he puts on some music on a low volume to play in his JBL speaker. When Jared finally returns, all clean and dressed up as well, he stops dead in his tracks as he sees everything.“Oh my God! Jensen… holy shit!”Jensen gives him a hopeful look. “Good holy shit?”Jared blinks a few times and walks closer to the table. “Oh man… this is amazing. I love those cheese boards!” He turns to Jensen and gives him a kiss. “Everything is perfect, Jen. I can’t believe you did all of this.”Jensen smiles and points at Jared’s chair. “Sit down.” Jared does as asked and Jensen takes his place at the table, covering Jared’s hand with his own. “And of course I did, all of it is for you. I appreciate everything you do for me, and I want to show you I truly like you too, you know? Even if I have trouble believing you could have feelings for me. Sorry about that.”Jared offers Jensen a smile. “I understand it. And it’s okay that you feel that way, I’m not upset. I just want to make you believe I truly like you for who you are.”Jensen nods and grabs his wine glass. “Shall we make a toast?”Jared nods and grabs his own glass. “To you and me and our future together.”Jensen smiles and they toast. “To us.”They drink and dig in, Jared complimenting everything that Jensen prepared, making him blush. “Everything is incredible, Jen. I love it.” They spend some time just eating, drinking wine and making small talk, Jared mentioning Jensen going groceries shopping on his own. "I'm proud of you for starting to go out by yourself to do basic stuff again, when just the other day you wouldn't even consider that. I bet that was challenging but good, huh? How did it go?"Jensen nods. "Yeah, I went to that Target down the street and it was challenging but nice." Jensen tells Jared about the clueless lady how he handled her. "I mean, it's one thing you telling me you're proud of me going shopping by myself because we're close, and you know how I'm recently injured, I'm making progress and it's something challenging for me. But not some random person who doesn't know me, stopping to congratulate me on the fact that I'm in a grocery store. You wouldn't do that to an able-bodied person." Jared agrees and promises to help come up with funny stories for the next awkward encounters.Jensen grabs a slice of prosciutto and feeds it to Jared, who licks his thumb. Then Jared takes an olive and repeats the gesture. Jensen has some more wine and as he looks under the table, he notices Jared’s legs are close to his own, so he moves his chair forward so that the tip of his feet bump into Jared’s shins. Jared lifts an eyebrow.“You playing footsies with me Ackles?”Jensen smirks. “I’d like to call it wheelies.”Jared scoots his chair closer to Jensen and pulls him for a kiss. Jared tastes like the Chardonnay they’re having, also as the cheeses and everything else, and everything combined tastes just perfect.“I made brownies for us,” Jensen murmurs between kisses. “They’re on the counter.”Jared pulls away reluctantly and grabs the plate from the counter, and when he returns he pulls his chair right next to Jensen's, lifting his legs to place them sideways over Jensen’s on his chair. Jensen pulls Jared’s legs closer and they exchange another kiss, then Jared feeds him a brownie.Jensen feeds him a brownie too between kisses. “Hmm you and chocolate is a great combination,” Jared says as his hand travels down, and he places it under the hem of Jensen’s shirt, touching his skin, while Jensen grabs the back of Jared’s head, fisting his hair as they deepen their chocolate kiss, their make out session getting more heated.Jared suddenly pulls back and looks from Jensen’s lips to his eyes. “You were the best sex I’ve ever had, you know that? I’d never tell you that before because you were cocky enough as it was. But it’s true. Even if we were so drunk and stoned, God. You were better than anyone else.”Jensen feels a pang in his heart and pulls further away, keeping both hands around Jared’s neck and giving him an intense look. “Jay… you do know I can’t give you that anymore, don’t you? I can’t fuck and manhandle you like I did that night. I know how much you enjoyed that, but I just… well. I don’t want you to be disappointed. I don’t even know… well, I don’t know how to have sex with this new body.”Jensen looks down and Jared places a hand under his chin, lifting his head back up. “Jen, come on. I know that. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, I’m sorry if you did. But I’m completely okay with anything we do. As long as we do it together. I want to be close to you, Jen. We’ll figure it out together.”Jensen purses his lips. “I’m just afraid you’re gonna regret not picking someone who can fully participate in bed when we take that step.”Jared studies Jensen for a moment, then closes the distance for a tender kiss. He pulls back and presses their foreheads together, looking intensely at Jensen with those deep hazel eyes. “Jensen Ross Ackles, after everything we went through, answer me honestly. How could I choose anyone other than you?”Jensen offers him a small smile. “I couldn’t choose anyone else either. I’m sorry, it’s just hard for me.”Jared caresses Jensen’s face. “I know it is. Which is why we’re taking it slowly and at your own pace, alright? Don’t think too hard. I’m completely happy staying close to you like this. It’s when I’m the happiest.”Jensen nods and kisses his cheek. “You’re very sap.”Jared nods back. “Totally. But I’m your sap, don’t forget that.”Jensen smiles again and pulls Jared closer once more. They spend a long time wrapped in each other like this, kissing, tasting and feeling each other, as well as eating more brownies and drinking wine. Then Jensen suggests they watch a game on TV, so they move to the couch again all tangled around each other, barely paying attention to the game since their sole focus is one another. They only separate briefly when it’s time for bed and they take turns in the bathroom, Jensen always taking longer so he can empty his bladder.Then they meet again in Jared’s bed, who once again checks Jensen’s thighs and takes care of them, deeming the wounds to be healing well. They finally lie down for the night and after giving Jensen a good night kiss, Jared turns around and cuddles closer to Jensen’s body, his back against Jensen’s chest. Jensen wraps an arm around Jared’s torso and pulls him even closer, kissing the back of his neck.“Night, Padapoop.”Jared links their fingers together and brings their hands up, planting a kiss to the back of Jensen’s.“Night, Schmeckles.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
The week passes by and it’s just like a dream. Jared still can’t believe Jensen and he are a thing and it’s so amazing. Jared knows it will take some time for Jensen to come to terms with their relationship, with the fact that Jared truly wants to date him, and Jared will do everything he can to prove to Jensen he’s for real.They spend those days just enjoying each other’s company and carrying on with their routine, which now has Jensen sleeping in Jared’s bedroom. They also have to refrain from touching each other too much as they’re doing rehab, since it wouldn’t be too nice to act like lovebirds being patient and therapist. They haven’t told anyone they’re together yet, both are just enjoying those first days with each other, but plan on sharing with their friends soon. Justin invites both of them, as well as Chad, Sophia, Chris and Steve to a small party at the house he’s sharing with some friends, so they take it as an opportunity to tell their friends they’re together. Jared secretly asks Justin to get a keg.The only thing that makes Jared’s mood a tad sour is talking to his mom on the phone on Friday after his classes. They haven’t really talked in weeks, only texting each other to check in and chat about minor things. So his mom calls him and they talk for a while as she tells him about the latest news and then asks about his own life.“So honey, are you still living by yourself in the apartment? You had mentioned you were looking for a roommate to split the bills. You didn’t say anything else regarding that.”Jared groans, he really wasn’t in the mood to share with his family about Jensen and where he fits in his life. Not that he’s embarrassed of Jensen, obviously not. He simply didn’t have the energy to do it. But now it’s the time and he decides to test the waters.“Yeah… yeah actually. I’m living with my former teammate, Jensen Ackles.”There’s silence on the other side of the line for a moment. “Isn’t that the boy you played so well with? And if I remember correctly you weren’t too fond of him.”“Yes, it’s him. Things are… well, different now. We’re very good friends and roommates.”“Is he still in the team? I don’t remember seeing him last time we traveled to watch a match.”Jared sighs, he won’t hide Jensen’s condition from his mother. “He’s not in the team. Jensen… well, he had a bad car accident a few months ago, mom. He ended up suffering a spinal cord injury and uses a wheelchair to get around now.”There’s a longer silence on his mother’s end, and when she speaks again she sounds odd. “But Jared… why is this boy living with you if he’s in a wheelchair? Isn’t that a hassle to you, since your apartment isn’t even that big? Isn’t he taking up a lot of space?”Jared gasps. “Mom, Jensen is my… my friend. He needed a new place to live and I offered the spare room I had. Why does it matter if he’s in a wheelchair? We managed to adapt the apartment just fine for his needs.”Sherri still sounds uncomfortable. “That’s good baby, it’s just… don’t get me wrong, okay? All I’m saying is that you could have picked a roommate that’s… well, normal.”Jared’s heart skips a beat, he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Mom… Jensen is normal. He’s a person exactly like you and me.”“Not exactly like you and me if he’s in a wheelchair, right Jared? All I’m saying is that I imagine it would be much more work to you living with someone in this condition.”Jared barely recognizes his mother, he didn’t think she would be this ableist. “Oh my God, mom. I can’t believe what you’re saying. Jensen is a great person, he’s not just his wheelchair. And I don’t mind it at all, it’s just part of him. He’s very important to me and the best roommate I could have chosen. And it’s not like it even affects you, he’s not wheeling around your house, he’s in mine. Don’t worry, he won’t get your floor dirty or anything. It’s not his fault that he needs a wheelchair. I make sure our apartment is as adapted as possible for him because I care about his well-being. Sorry you can’t see that, you don’t even know him.”“Sorry baby, I just–” Sherri starts but Jared cuts her off, he has had enough.“Mom, I’ve got to go okay? I need to be at work soon. I’ll talk to you later.”Without even waiting for her reply, Jared disconnects the call. He feels a headache forming, he can’t believe his mom talked like this about Jensen without even knowing him. He imagines what she would think if she knew Jared is gay and Jensen is actually his boyfriend. But Jared doesn’t plan on hiding this fact for much longer. If they can’t accept it, then it’s their loss.*Jared picks Jensen up so they can go to rehab but he doesn’t mention the conversation with his mom, he’s not in the mood right now. Jensen apparently senses something is up but also doesn’t ask. Jared starts his shift as usual as Jensen goes to his therapy and later they do Jensen’s rehab. Jared is still a bit closed off and Jensen again doesn’t push. Once they’re done for the day, Jensen suggests they stop somewhere to eat something. Jared agrees and suggests the Cheesecake Factory since he could use a nice dose of sugar. As they get settled, Jensen finally approaches the subject.“So Jay… are you going to tell me why it looks like someone killed your puppy? Did something happen? Does it have to do with me?”Jared looks up from his Coke and shakes his head, grabbing Jensen’s forearm. “No Jen, not at all. I mean, it kinda does. But it’s nothing that you did. It’s just that I had an unpleasant conversation with my mom on the phone earlier.”Jensen turns his arm upwards and links their fingers together. “Wanna talk about it?”Jared sighs and nods, telling Jensen everything he talked with his mother. He can see Jensen is upset hearing what Jared’s mother thinks of him.“I’m so sorry, Jen. I didn’t think she would react like this.”Jensen purses his lips. “You don’t need to be sorry, Jay. You’re not the one who feels that way. I just wish it wasn’t so hard, that people wouldn’t be so judgmental over folks with disabilities. That they would see the person in the wheelchair, not only the chair. It’s hard getting used to that crap. I guess parents in general aren’t fond of me,” Jensen says as he looks down at their joined hands.Jared feels a pang in his heart and squeezes Jensen’s hand. “Hey, I know for a fact that Jareds in general are very fond of you.”That brings a smile on Jensen’s face and Jared winks at him. They spend some time eating the bread that’s served, and then Jensen speaks again. “You’re not out to your family are you?” Jared shakes his head. “Are you planning on doing that one day? I bet they would be far from pleased to know you’re dating a guy who can’t walk. I don’t see many parents wishing that to their children.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s fingers again. “Jen, I don’t care if they approve or not. Yeah, I need to tell them someday. I don’t know if they will take the double revelation well, but if they don’t I’ll just deal with it. It’s my life and you’re the person I want. It's as simple as that.”Jensen nods and stays quiet for a few moments, not looking at Jared. “I’m sorry that I’m not confident enough. But like I said before, I have trouble believing anyone would want to be seen with someone in a wheelchair. I know I attract unwanted attention. It’s much easier to date someone able-bodied.”Jared brings Jensen’s hand up and kisses the back of it. “I don’t care about what others think, I’ll try to show you that. I don’t want anyone who’s able-bodied. I want my sweet wheelies over here.”Jensen smirks finally, and Jared counts that as a win. “That was so cheesy of you.”“Could be cheesy wheelies too.”Jensen laughs and Jared joins him, loving the sound. Their food arrives and they change to other topics, Jared promising himself he will do everything to show Jensen he is damn proud of him and their relationship.*They head to Justin’s house the next day by late afternoon for the party. They’ve taken an Uber so they can both drink without worrying about it. They’re both in the backseat, Jared has his arm around Jensen’s shoulders, who keeps a hand on Jared’s thigh.“So, are we gonna tell everyone then?” Jensen asks in a small voice.Jared shrugs. “I guess so. No reason to hide our relationship from our friends. Unless you think we should?”Jensen shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good with it if you are.”“Instead of telling them, we should just not hide it. Let’s just act normally and I’m sure they’ll ask what’s going on.”“And what do we tell them?”Jared frowns. “We tell them we’re boyfriends. Isn’t that what we are?”Jensen lifts both eyebrows. “We are? Officially? Because I don’t recall us making it official or anything.”Jared chuckles. “Well, do you want us to be boyfriends?”“Is this an official question? We’re settling this down in an Uber?”Jared scrunches up his nose. “I mean, I could ask the guy to make a stop by a church on the way so we can talk to a priest if you prefer.”Jensen laughs out loud, and Jared can’t help but laugh too, even the driver chuckles since it’s obvious he can hear the conversation unfolding. “No, it’s fine. And I totally want us to be boyfriends.” Jensen gives Jared a quick kiss. “That was romantic as shit, I love it.”“I’ll get flowers and heart-shaped candies later. But hey, now we can introduce ourselves as boyfriends. It’s settled.”*They arrive at Justin’s house and get out of the Uber, the driver congratulating both on their relationship, making them blush a bit. Jared places a casual hand on Jensen’s upper back as he wheels inside, Jared walking right next to him. They find Justin in the living room talking to Chad and Sophia, who apparently have just arrived as well, among some other unknown people. The three of them see as Jared and Jensen approach, and Jared keeps his hand in place. Justin is the first one to notice as he walks closer to greet them.“Hey guys! Look at you two all close together. Is there a new development we should know about?”After everyone greets everyone, Jared looks at Jensen who replies to the three of them at once. “Yes, actually. Jared and I are boyfriends now.”There’s a collective cheer as their friends congratulate their new relationship, and Jared’s heart warms up. They go to the kitchen to grab beers and then move to the living room again, Jared sitting on the arm of the couch with Jensen positioning himself sideways right next to him. Chad and Sophia join them and they chat for a while, Jared keeping a hold on Jensen’s hand as they drink. Soon Chris and Steve arrive and also notice the closeness. Chris lifts an eyebrow and asks the question after the greetings.“You’ve finally gotten your heads out of your asses and admitted your feelings then?”Jared and Jensen nod. “Yep. Boyfriends now!”“Fucking finally! I knew there was something more under all that bickering that made no sense!”Yeah, apparently everyone has seen it before Jared and Jensen themselves did.*A little while later Justin asks all of them to follow him outside. There’s a small gathering at a specific spot in the garden, and as they approach Justin points at not one but two kegs on the ground, side by side.“I was told you guys would like a competition.”Jensen looks up at Jared, a frown on his face. “Really?”Jared shrugs. “I asked Justin to get a keg so we could have our rematch. But hey, only if you want to and feel comfortable doing it. It’s fine if you don’t feel like it.”Jensen raises an eyebrow. “You trying to get me out of this ‘cause you think I’ll beat you again, Padalecki?”Jared’s jaw drops. “Oh you’re so on, Ackles! I’ll beat you this time!”Everyone close to them cheers and Justin speaks. “We got two kegs so you guys can compete at the same time. Is that okay?”Both nod. “Sure, it’s fine.”Justin turns to Jensen. “Jensen, you need to tell us exactly how we need to do it so you’re safely held up.”Jensen nods and wheels up to one of the kegs. Jared positions himself in front of the other, slightly worried about Jensen being lifted in the air and he won’t be there to make sure he’s good, but he tries to push down the mother-hen in him. He will be fine.Jensen asks Justin, Chad, Chris and Steve to be responsible for the process, and the four of them approach him. “Okay so, I won’t be able to give a push with my legs to lift myself up. As I hold onto the handles, you guys hold my hips and lower legs, and pull them up at the same time. Keep the hold on my hips so my body won’t buckle forward, and make sure my legs are stretched, since I won’t be able to keep them like that myself. Basically you need to keep my whole body straight. I also won’t be able to kick my legs to alert when it’s over, I can vigorously nod so you guys now. So pay attention to my face. And more importantly, I’m not down when my legs are down so please don’t let go of me until I’m back in my chair. I’ll need help getting back in it especially since I’ll be a bit out of it. Got it? Oh and also, wait until both of us are up to place the valve in our mouths, since it will probably take me longer than Jared to get settled and it needs to be fair on him.”The four of them nod and Chad and Justin position themselves on each side of Jensen. Steve stays behind him, holding onto the handlebar of his chair, and Chris stays right next to the keg, holding the valve to place in Jensen’s mouth and also much likely to make sure he sees when Jensen signals that he’s done. Jared relaxes knowing his boyfriend is in good hands. He sees Sophia with her phone in hand, probably ready to film it. Jared looks at Jensen, who smirks.“Ready for another ass kicking?”Jared snorts. “You wish. Still time to give up, Ackles.”“No way. And remember, Jay. Please don’t hold yourself back, at all. Promise?”Jared hears the unsaid words, how Jensen asks Jared to respect him by not making it easier for him to win. “I’ll give my all, you have my word.”Both nod, signaling they’re ready. Jared holds the handles tight and his legs are lifted in the air. He half watches as Jensen is also lifted, held safely in place, strong arms holding the handles, and finally someone does the 1, 2, 3 and go! count, the valve placed in his mouth. Jared focuses entirely on the task as everyone counts out loud, he closes his eyes as he tries to drink as much as possible. Jared can hear as the countup reaches the twenties, and he has no idea if Jensen is still going or not. He begins feeling uneasy, his stomach rebelling, the urge to puke starting. But he tries to push a little bit more, he will do as promised and give his all to Jensen.When it reaches thirty-one Jared can’t do it anymore. He kicks his legs to signal he’s done, and hears a loud cheer. He’s put down and it takes him a few seconds to orient himself as he wipes his mouth, taking a few deep breaths to make sure his stomach is okay. He looks over to his side in time to see Justin and Chad carefully helping Jensen back into his chair, Steve holding it in place.“You okay, Jen?”Jensen looks at Jared, also seeming a bit off but then he shakes his head and finally nods. “I’m fine.” He looks at everyone else. “Who won??”Justin is the one who answers, giving both an incredulous look. “It was a fucking TIE! You both signaled at the same damn second, you soulmates motherfuckers!”Both Jared and Jensen look at each other with big smiles on their faces and Chad asks the next question. “Want a rematch?”Both shake their heads vigorously, and Jared speaks as he closes the distance. “No way. I’m getting my winner's prize.” Without stopping he sits sideways on Jensen’s lap, making his chair roll a bit backwards, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a hard kiss, which Jensen reciprocates. Everyone cheers loudly and both hug each other. Jared feels dizzy and drunk and so happy he could burst.“We’re equals now Ackles,” he whispers in Jensen’s ear, who holds him tighter.“I like the sound of that.”
Jensen
In the middle of the following week Jensen is at home working on a commission, stretching his body on the standing frame, when Jared arrives after a late b-ball practice he had post working hours. He approaches Jensen and greets him with a kiss, Jensen takes his time kissing Jared like this because he just loves to do it while standing up.“Hey Jen. Missed ya,” Jared says as they break apart. “Shouldn’t you be done with work by now and making us dinner?”Jensen laughs and points at the oven. “I have a lasagna in there that I bought earlier, just waiting for you to arrive. I got a last minute commission and it’s good money, I want to get it done quickly.”Jared kisses him again. “Good, bring more money to us. Soon you’ll make us rich. Anyway, wanted to ask you something. Two things, actually.”Jensen sets his tablet aside to focus only on Jared. “Okay, shoot.”Jared takes Jensen’s hand and links their fingers on the tray table. “My mom called today. She said she was sorry for how she talked about you. She asked if I was going to San An for Thanksgiving, and I told her I would only go if you could come too, since I’d never leave you alone for Thanksgiving and I know you most likely won’t go to your folks’.”Jensen frowns. “Jay, you shouldn’t impose that on your family. I’m okay being here while you go spend Thanksgiving with them.”Jared shakes his head. “No fucking way. I’d never leave you on Thanksgiving. Anyway, mom says it’s fine and you’re welcome to come too. I want to introduce you to them. We don’t need to sleep over or anything, we can just go for dinner and drive back.”Jensen’s eyes widen. “Introduce as what? You’re not thinking about dropping the bomb on them during Thanksgiving dinner, are you?”Jared shrugs. “I dunno. First as my friend which they already know you are. And I don’t know, depending on how I’m feeling I may open up and tell everything. We’ll see. Anyway, wanted to check with you if you’re up to going to San An with me. I need to RSVP with my mom so she can start making her preparations. But only if you feel comfortable. If it’s too much, I’ll happily stay here with you.”“What did your mom say when you gave her your condition that I come along?”“She agreed to it. She says you’re welcome to come as well, and will prepare a nice meal for all of us.”Jensen thinks about it. It will be weird facing Jared’s family like this and if it was only up to Jensen, he’d much rather stay here with Jared on Thanksgiving. But he’s not that selfish, he won’t keep Jared from seeing his family, and he knows Jared won’t go without him. He can put up with this for Jared and pray for the best.“Okay, then. Of course I’ll come with you, Jay. I’d love to meet your family.”Jared smiles and kisses Jensen’s hand. “Thanks, Jen.”“Okay, what’s the other thing?”Jared wiggles his eyebrows and grabs his backpack, rummaging inside and coming out with an envelope.“What’s this?”Jared places the envelope in front of Jensen. “Jeff gave me this. It’s for the weekend. He said he can’t go, and he wanted us to go. He specifically said that those were for you and me. But he also made clear that it’s for you to go only if you feel like it. And I say the same thing. It’s an invitation.”His curiosity spiked, Jensen opens the envelope, taking out what look like two tickets. He reads the words on it and looks at Jared with widened eyes. “An NBA match?”Jared nods. “Yeah. They’re having the Mavericks play the Lakers here in Austin. Jeff got amazing tickets, almost courtside. It’s going to be pretty awesome. I’d like for us to have a date at the game, maybe grab something to eat afterwards. But only if you want to go, Jen. I won’t force anything. If you don’t feel comfortable watching an NBA match I’ll totally understand and give the tickets to someone else.”Jensen nods and considers it. “Can I think about it for a moment?”Jared nods as Jensen starts the process of getting from the frame back to his chair. “Of course. I’ll go take a shower so we can eat. I’m starving!”Jensen snorts and goes to heat up the lasagna as Jared showers. He thinks about the tickets, he really wants to go. Those seats are insane, Jensen would be crazy to pass them up. But he knows it will be hard watching an official NBA game, since that was his dream in life. Knowing he will never be there wearing one of those jerseys, playing for the professional league, will be tough.But he loves basketball, as a whole. He’s playing again, in his own way. And yes, he would love to go with Jared on a date like that. Jared loves basketball too, as much as Jensen does. He’s probably dying to go, but Jensen knows he won’t if Jensen doesn’t want to go.As Jared returns from his shower, Jensen looks up at him. “I guess it would be a sin to pass up on tickets like that.”Jared smiles. “You mean we’re going? For real? Don’t do this to humor me, please. I want you to want to go.”Jensen chuckles. “I mean it. I can do it, I love basketball. It will be great to watch it. I’d love to go on a date with you there.”*So Saturday finds them driving to the arena where the game will take place. Jensen is excited but he’s also dreading something, which he voices to Jared.“Do you think I’ll be able to get to our seats? I mean, it’s not a wheelchair designated seat. What if it’s in the middle of a row? Or only accessible by steps? I won’t be able to get there.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s thigh, who feels a light pressure on it. “We’ll figure something out, Jen. Don’t worry. I’ll carry you on my back to our seats if I need to.”They arrive at the arena and park the car in one of the disabled spots. They make their way inside together, Jared again with a hand on Jensen’s upper back. As they get to their section, they approach someone from the staff and Jared shows their tickets. It is indeed in the middle of the row, and Jared kindly asks if they could switch it so Jensen could get properly accommodated. The lady thankfully is very nice and manages to switch them so Jared can take the seat at the end of the row, and Jensen stays in his chair right next to him. Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand as they’re all settled.“See? Piece of cake.”They wait for the game to begin, Jared goes grab hot dogs and sodas for them. They chat for a while as they wait, Jared feeling a tad less nervous about being in a basketball match like this. As the game starts, they watch hand in hand. Jensen has mixed feelings inside of him, a part of him is sad that it could never be him, but he’s also happy to be here with Jared today witnessing a great match.When the match goes to half time, Jared turns to him. “Are you having a good time, Jen?”Jensen nods. “I am. It’s a great match and even though a part of me hurts, I like being here. I love b-ball so it’s just great.”Jared gives him a quick peck on the cheek and they keep their hands entwined on Jensen’s lap. Eventually, Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer starts playing in the sound system and the kissing camera starts on the big screen in the middle of the arena. Jared and Jensen just watch with smiles on their faces as people appear on it, and the kisses they share (or don’t).Then Jensen’s jaw drops as he stares at his own face and Jared’s on the screen. His heart skips a beat and he quickly looks at Jared, eyebrow raised. Should we?
Oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Jared gives Jensen a firm nod, not a hint of hesitation on his face. Jensen wastes no time, not caring about the consequences of appearing on a NBA kissing cam, and places a hand behind Jared’s neck. He pulls Jared towards him and they share a passionate kiss, Jared framing his face.
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me.
They hear people around him cheering and Jensen breaks the kiss, smiling at Jared who smiles right back.“Lucky for you I don’t have any trouble being seen with a dude in a wheelchair,” Jared says in a soft voice. Jensen feels his level of adrenaline on the roof, his heart beating a mile a minute, as something great runs through his veins. Jensen didn’t know he needed to share a kiss with Jared on a NBA kissing cam, to hundreds of people, until they did just that. Fuck everyone else who dismissed him, who thought he wasn’t worth it because of what he’s sitting in. The only person he loves and wants just kissed him for (literally) everyone to see and that’s all that matters.Jensen chuckles. “I guess we pretty much outed us both with that one.”Jared shrugs. “You mind?”Jensen shakes his head. “Not in the slightest. Do you? You’re still in the team. Plus there’s your family.”“Don’t care and don’t care. I’m tired of pretending. I always knew I’d get out of the closet for someone worth it. The time has arrived.”Jensen feels warm all over and they share another kiss. Jensen knew the match could be cool, he just had no idea it could be this cool. *They leave the game and go have dinner at a steakhouse, Jensen’s treat since Jared got them the tickets. They sit kitty corner from each other and check the menu together, Jensen feeling even closer to Jared than he already did. Once the waiter takes their order and leaves them alone, Jensen takes Jared's hand and brings it to his face to place a kiss on it.“I can’t believe that we showed up on a kissing cam. And that we kissed on it.”Jared smiles. “I was half hoping we would. I wasn’t disappointed.”Jensen gives him a pointed look. “You really don’t mind that we showed up on the screen kissing like that? Anyone could see that image of us.”Jared leans closer to Jensen. “Jen, I meant it when I said I don’t care. I was too much of a chicken before to come out to the world. But I don’t care anymore. It’s already time for my family to learn about me. My teammates too. If they have a problem with it, so be it. It’s my life. What about you? You worried your folks may know about it?”Jensen shakes his head. “Not in the slightest. I only talk to my mom sometimes, and I don’t even have to mention my father. I couldn’t give two shits about what they think. If they want to disown me go ahead, I don’t need their money.”Jared nods. “What about Josh? You’re gonna tell him about us?”“Yeah, I am. I don’t think he will have a problem. In fact now that I think about it, I believe he already suspected something was up between us. Actually even before we acted on it.”Jared chuckles. “Dude, apparently everyone saw it before we did. I haven’t told you, but it was actually Chad and Justin who encouraged me to go for it with you and stop thinking too hard.”Jensen lifts an eyebrow and Jared tells him about the day at the beach, when he went to the water with Chris and Steve and Jared stayed at the tent, and he had a heart to heart with his friends.“Well, so we have a lot to thank them, then. We were pretty slow.”Jared shrugs. “We took our time. We had a rough start, then there was your accident, then we reconnected, we built a friendship that grew into something more. I think everything happened when it had to. We went on a long road to get to where we are and I’m glad we took our time, we didn’t rush into anything we weren’t ready for.”Jensen smiles, feeling warm all over. “I’m glad too.”*As Jared drives home they hold hands pretty much the whole ride, also exchanging looks and smiles. Jensen feels his heart beating faster for Jared, there’s something more in the air tonight after the latest events and Jensen feels excited and nervous at the same time.They finally arrive and Jensen hits the bathroom first for his bladder routine and also a shower. Then Jared uses the bathroom while Jensen gets comfortable on the bed - their bed now. Jared returns all fresh out of the shower and he smells incredible. He lies down next to Jensen and keeps only the bedside lamp on, bathing the bedroom in a soft light. Jensen frames Jared’s face with a hand and they exchange a look for a few moments, then they close the distance so their lips can finally meet in a passionate kiss. Jared wraps an arm around Jensen’s waist and places the other behind his head. They lost themselves in each other, Jared repositions both of them so Jensen is lying more on his back and he lies half on top of him, never breaking the kiss.“God Jen…” Jared murmurs as they eventually pull apart an inch, Jared placing small kisses on the corner of Jensen’s mouth. “You drive me so insane. I can’t wait to do more with you, to explore all of you,” Jared says as he runs a hand over Jensen’s upper chest. Against his own wishes, it rubs Jensen the wrong way again and he pulls away further, feeling a pang in his heart. Jared of course feels the change in Jensen’s mood, so he supports himself on his elbow right next to Jensen’s head, so he can look at Jensen better. “Jen, what is it?”Jensen turns on his side again, mirroring Jared’s position, and gives him an embarrassed look. “Sorry, Jay. It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about that day and how much you enjoyed it. How you kept asking me to go harder and harder on you. How I even carried you to bed. I know you loved that. It’s stronger than me, sorry. I’m just terrified to disappoint you now.”Jared’s expression turns softer and he brings a hand up to caress Jensen’s hair and the side of his face. “Jen, please… you need to stop comparing yourself to well… yourself. Like you said it before, you’re a different person now. And Jen, I promise you from the bottom of my heart I’m not expecting to have that again. I don’t even want that. You could never disappoint me.”Jensen nods and swallows hard. “I know Jay. I try to tell myself that but it’s a battle between two sides of myself. Part of me has trouble believing in this, I just can’t help it.”Jared sighs. “You know, even though I loved that day we slept together, part of me wishes we had never fucked before your injury. So we would discover this and each other together now for the first time without you suffering for not being your old self anymore and not able to do what we did. Did I love getting pounded in the ass mercilessly by you like that while you manhandled me around? Oh yeah. I’m not gonna lie, like I said before it was the best sex I’ve ever had. But Jen… that was it. It was just sex, nothing else. It was just one night. We didn’t have feelings for each other back then except for a lot of pent up sexual attraction mixed in all that animosity.” Jared runs his fingers lightly down Jensen’s neck and shoulder, tracing his bicep. “It’s so different now. I don’t want you to just fuck me, Jen. I want us to discover everything together. To explore each other’s bodies. To learn what can give the other pleasure, and believe me Jen. I know you still have a lot to give. You’re alive, your heart is beating strongly in there. Your skin is warm. You have hands, you have a mouth. We can experiment with your dick and see what it can still do. There are also toys we can use. Jen, there are millions of possibilities. This is also new to me, I never got intimate with someone paralyzed before. But oh man, I’m so eager to learn. Especially for us to learn everything together. But most importantly Jen, it’s different now because now there are feelings involved. Yeah, I found that old version of you hot as a motherfucker. But you now, Jen… damn, I can’t even…” Jensen can see how Jared’s eyes are shining, and he places his hand on Jensen’s chest, over his rapidly beating heart. “God, I love you. So much you have no idea. I love you so much it hurts, I know I haven’t said that before but it’s true, Jen. And I want anything that we’re able to do together. I promise. I never felt for anyone else what I feel for you. I don’t want just good sex with you Jen, I want everything else too. I want a life right next to you.”Jensen feels something very warm deep inside, and of course the sap part of him tears up as he hears those words. He also reaches out and caresses Jared’s hair, placing a strand behind his ear and looking intensely at him, his voice going softer.“You know, if someone told me a couple of years ago that I was going to say those next words to you someday, I’d say that person was high on bad quality drugs. But oh my God Jay… I love you so much too. More than anything. You’re the most important thing in my life and I don’t even know what I’d do without you. I never thought I could feel something like this after my injury, I had assumed I was just dead inside but I was wrong. You saved me, Jay. Quite literally when you rescued me from that pool. But also in many other ways. You filled my hollow soul with life again. It’s still hard for me because as I’ve said before, it’s too recent and I know I have a long way to go. But so much has already changed ever since I woke up in the hospital to learn I wouldn’t walk anymore. I thought my whole life was over and I couldn’t connect with anyone. And against all possible odds, you were the one who pulled me from down under.”Jensen stays silent for a few moments as he thinks about everything, emotions taking over him. He looks down between their bodies and Jared stays quiet too, also allowing Jensen to process and say everything he needs to say. Jensen traces random patterns on Jared’s chest with his fingers as he speaks again.“I used to see my life as an endless dark hole. I couldn’t see any light anywhere. I felt like I was falling and falling, getting deeper into the hole, and nobody could pull me out of it. Then came you. I didn’t want you to know about my paraplegia, more than anyone else. I was ashamed of you seeing me in a wheelchair. I thought you would mock me after everything we went through, all the rivalry and stuff. But then I was so surprised with what happened between us. With you I started seeing a bit of light. For the first time since the injury, not everything was a dark hole anymore. Call me sap if you want, but… I feel like your presence has the power to light up a room, you know? Just you being you. Before I was too busy being annoyed by you to realize it, but when I allowed myself to get to really know you, I could see it so clearly. You pulled me out of the dark water literally and figuratively. I feel like my whole world is much brighter now just by you existing and being part of it. You’re my own personal lighthouse. So thank you for being you and for loving me like this. For not caring that I’m different.”Jared places his fingers under Jensen’s chin and lifts his face up. When Jensen looks at Jared again, he can see his boyfriend is tearing up. Jared plants a quick kiss to Jensen’s lips before pulling away a few inches. “I told you this before. You’re not just different. You’re unique. And I love that about you. Jen, I would never trade the Jensen you are now, exactly like this, for the Jensen I knew before the injury. You’re the Jensen I learned how to love with all my heart and who I want to keep forever. Okay?”Jensen nods, feeling his heart growing thirty times the size. “Okay. Thank you Jay. Sorry for killing the mood like that so we had all this conversation, but you know how insecure I get about my situation.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “Are you kidding me? Ruining the mood? Jen, we just admitted our love for each other for the first time and you said I’m the light of your life, guiding you out of the darkness. The mood can’t get much better than that.”Jensen chuckles and as he looks at Jared he feels such a happiness that he had no idea was possible to feel after what he went through. He follows his urge to just pull Jared close to him again and fuse their mouths together. Jared goes with the program immediately and parts his lips so their tongues entwine. Jared repositions them again so Jensen is once more lying on his back, and Jared blankets his body. They get lost in each other in a passionate kiss. Jared straddles Jensen’s body, leaving a trail of kisses on his jaw, down his neck and shoulder. Jensen has one arm extended to his side, and Jared runs his fingers all the way from his shoulder, bicep, forearm, until he reaches Jensen’s hand, slowly entwining their fingers together and squeezing tight.Jared’s other hand travels south, tentatively touching the area he knows is past Jensen’s injury, and he very lightly feels as Jared grabs the hem of his boxers. Jared breaks the kiss so he can look intensely down at Jensen, speaking in a whisper as strands of hair fall down his face.“Can I touch you, Jen? Please? Can I see all of you?”Normally Jensen would give second thoughts to allowing someone else touching his intimate paralyzed parts, but after everything they shared and knowing it’s Jared, Jensen acquiesces. He brings their joined hands down between their bodies, placing Jared’s hand over his own dick. Jensen looks at Jared equally as intense, and nods once.Jared slowly pulls away from Jensen and sits on his thighs. He places both hands on his boxers and slowly pulls them down, looking at Jensen’s soft dick for the first time. Jensen feels a bit uneasy but Jared licks his lips deliberately, and pulls the boxers all the way down Jensen’s legs, throwing them on the bed. He positions himself again and tentatively wraps his fingers around Jensen’s dick, giving it a light squeeze, making Jensen gasp.Jared looks at him and lifts an eyebrow. “Can you feel as I touch you?”Jensen swallows hard and nods quickly. “Ye–yeah. Not as much as I can feel you touching my non-paralyzed parts, but I have some feeling there yeah.”Jared smiles wide. “That’s awesome. Have you ever… well, have you ever tried to stimulate yourself to see if your dick can get hard?”Jensen nods again. “Yeah, I have. I wanted to see if I still had something. At first I had nothing but as I started regaining some more feeling I was able to make my dick hard. I mean, not as hard as a normal dick gets. But at least it’s not all dead.”Jared’s smile grows even wider and he starts pumping Jensen’s dick, working on it to stimulate it. Jensen swallows hard as he watches Jared’s hand on him, and he thanks the heavens that he was able to regain some sensation, so he can actually feel it when Jared touches him. Jensen’s dick grows a bit hard under Jared’s ministrations, and Jared takes the chance to lean down and capture it in his mouth. Jensen gasps, lightly feeling the warmth of Jared’s mouth around him. He keeps a hand on Jensen’s waist and the other holding the base of his dick as he licks around the shaft. Jensen watches intently what Jared is doing, it’s important to see since he has very limited sensation. Jensen grabs Jared’s hair with a hand and lets out a moan.“That feels great Jay, God.”Jared looks up and smirks at Jensen. He sucks at the tip of his dick and Jensen sees and feels as it goes soft inside Jared’s mouth again. Jensen’s first instinct is to apologize to Jared for not being able to hold his erection for too long, but he swallows it down. Jared is right when he says that Jensen needs to stop being sorry for things that aren’t his fault and he can’t control. It is what it is, and Jensen at least can have an erection and some feeling in his paralyzed half which is already something great. Maybe in the future his dick can get harder and last longer.But for now, Jensen decides it’s far from over and he wants to give Jared pleasure. Jared is right, he has a mouth and working hands. He pulls Jared back up and kisses him again, then uses both hands to try and remove Jared’s boxers, pulling them down a few inches. Jared goes with the program and helps him, kicking his boxers away and both are finally naked. Jensen pushes Jared away so he can admire his whole body. He didn’t remember Jared’s cock being so huge and his mouth salivates.“God, Jay…”Jared gives him a smirk, his dick already completely hard. “Want some?”Jensen licks his bottom lip and suddenly has an idea. “You have lube?”Jared’s eyes grow wide. “God, yes.” He reaches into his nightstand and pushes a bottle into Jensen’s hand.Jensen looks up at Jared. “Can I do whatever I want?”Jared nods vigorously. “Anything.”Jensen places both hands down on his sides and pulls himself a bit up so he’s half sitting, placing Jared’s pillow behind his back for support. When he’s satisfied with his position, he makes a motion for Jared with his index finger.“Come here.”Jared wastes no time kneeling closer to Jensen, who pulls him even closer until his dick is right on his face. Jensen quickly coats his fingers with lube and looks up at Jared.“Better to hold onto the headboard,” he says with a husky voice.“Oh God,” Jared murmurs as he does what Jensen commanded.Jensen uses a hand to wrap around Jared’s dick and bring it to his mouth, wrapping his lips around it. He very deliberately swirls his tongue around the shaft, enjoying the taste of Jared for the first time. He keeps his hand firmly on the base of it, playing with his balls, and with his other hand, all lubed up, he reaches behind Jared and circles his hole.“Oh God. Oh my God,” Jared says with a strangled voice, and Jensen chuckles.He begins inserting a finger in Jared’s tight hole, working it in and out while still licking Jared’s dick. Jared keeps murmuring nonsense above Jensen, who focuses everything on his two tasks. He adds another finger and increases the pace, burying them deeper inside Jared and angling them so he brushes Jared’s prostate, who jolts forward almost choking Jensen.“Sorry, oh God… sorry I–”Jensen just shakes his head and sucks the mushroom tip, fondling his balls between his fingers and squeezing the base of it. He scissors his fingers inside Jared and adds a third, burying them as deep as they’ll go, hitting Jared’s prostate over and over. Jared moans loudly, Jensen looks up as much as he can and sees how Jared throws his head back, his chest moving rapidly, and it’s a heavenly sight. “Keep going like this Jen, oh God, holy shit like this!”Jensen chuckles again, bobbing his head back and forth, tasting the precome leaking from the tip of Jared’s dick, his own breathing becoming more erratic as he manages to add yet a fourth finger inside Jared, always making sure to catch his prostate. He can tell how Jared is having trouble keeping his knees from buckling but he holds on. As Jensen buries his fingers inside of him even harder and pounds his prostate, Jared finally releases his orgasm inside Jensen’s mouth.Jensen swallows some of it then pulls away, holding Jared’s dick an inch from his mouth and jacking him off, Jared’s come spurting on his lips and chin. When Jared is done he looks down, and Jensen looks up at him deliberately licking his lips, come dripping down his chin.“Holy shit. Holy. Shit.” Jared murmurs and makes a motion to lean down but Jensen shakes his head, his fingers still buried inside of him.“Turn around,” he commands, and Jared wastes no time obeying as Jensen guides him, shifting on the bed so his ass is right on Jensen’s face. Jensen uses his free hand to place it on Jared’s hip, pulling him even closer to his face. Keeping two fingers inside Jared’s ass, Jensen licks his hole, coating it with Jared’s own come.“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Jared chants as he leans forward, pretty much sitting on Jensen’s face, and supporting his hands on his chest.Jensen takes his time, again working his fingers in and out of Jared, while licking his way inside his most intimate part. Jared starts playing with Jensen’s nipples, circling his thumbs over it. Jensen feels a jolt of electricity in his veins, much more intense than he normally would feel, and he imagines it’s his body compensating for the lack of sensation.“God Jay…” he manages to murmur without pulling his mouth away. “Gimme more like this, please… oh fuck.”Jared obeys gladly and rubs Jensen’s nipples more intensely, pinching them hard while Jensen eats him, spreading his buttcheeks and inserting his tongue as deep as it will go, circling it around his hole while working two fingers under it, hitting the prostate again. Jared’s dick comes to life yet again, leaking on Jensen’s chest, and Jared leans down, keeping both hands on Jensen’s chest, to capture Jensen’s soft dick in his lips again. Jensen feels the warmth a tad more now, how Jared sucks it as hard as he manages, and Jensen finishes him, pushing his fingers in and out and licking his entrance. He reaches for Jared’s dick once more, stroking it until it releases a weak load of come.Jared pulls up from Jensen’s own dick and turns around, collapsing on top of him.“Holy shit, Jen. Holy shit. I think you killed me.”Jensen chuckles and wraps his arms around Jared. “I did my best with my hands and mouth since my dick can’t participate much.”Jared looks up and kisses Jensen’s mouth. “Dicks are overrated anyway. I loved every second of it.”Jensen pulls Jared’s face away. “Jay, my mouth was in your ass.”Jared scrunches up his nose. “Oh yeah, that’s kinda gross. But also so hot. God, we’re so doing that again. We should clean up, I can go get a washcloth.”Jensen shakes his head. “No, I need to go brush my teeth again. You’re hot love, and it was awesome eating you like this, but I don’t want to fall asleep tasting like ass in my mouth. Not even yours, no offense.”Jared laughs and both get up from the bed, Jensen getting in his chair as they move together to the bathroom. Jensen goes to the sink and Jared follows him, grabbing Jensen’s toothbrush and adding paste to it.“Jay, that’s my brush!”“Oh I know,” Jared says as he pushes it into Jensen’s mouth, brushing his teeth for him. Jensen laughs and manages to reach for Jared’s brush, also adding paste to it and pulling Jared’s hand down so he’s on his level. Jared kneels down and they have fun brushing the other’s teeth and offering mouthwash to each other. Then Jared grabs washcloths and they also clean each other, Jensen also washing his hands thoroughly. Once they’re all cleaned up Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s shoulders from behind, guiding him back to the bedroom as he walks behind his chair and showers his face with kisses, while Jensen holds Jared’s arms with his hands.Before Jensen can transfer back to the bed Jared places his arms under him, gently lifting and placing him on the mattress. Jensen normally wouldn’t like something like that, especially since Jared didn’t ask if he could carry Jensen, but he actually loves it. How Jared feels so intimate and comfortable with Jensen that he knows he can do something like picking him up without needing to ask, also knowing the right moment to do it. Because Jared always respects Jensen and his disability, not seeing him as an invalid who can’t do anything, so he’s entitled to do just that.As Jensen settles himself on his side, Jared lies down next to him with an arm around his body. They wind down and just look at each other for a while, and it’s very intimate. Jensen brings his hand up and caresses Jared’s hair, framing his face. “Today was one of the best days ever.”Jared nods and scoots even closer, planting a kiss to Jensen’s mouth. “It was a thousand times better than our other first time. I felt something much deeper and stronger, a bigger pleasure even if your dick wasn’t in me this time. It’s because now we love each other and it’s not just sex anymore. And we had everything else around it too. We have this closeness. We get to sleep all wrapped around each other and I know none of us will freak out in the morning. I’d never trade this for that other sex. It was just perfect.”Jensen smiles at him. “I still want to try and be inside you, though. Even if I have to take something to help my dick stay hard for longer.”“And I’ll love that too. But like I said, everything we do is awesome. Your fingers did a great job. Your tongue too.”Jensen pulls Jared for a deeper kiss, showing him just what his tongue can do. As they break the kiss, Jared presses his forehead against Jensen’s, looking deeply at him.“Are you happy, Jen?”Jensen doesn’t even have to think much to answer, and it surprises even himself. He’s very honest. “Yes. More than I ever remember being actually, despite the obvious. Like I finally found my place in the world and it’s right here.”Jared smirks. “And then I’m the cheesy one.”Jensen chuckles. “I thought I was Cheesy Wheelies.”Jared snuggles against Jensen’s body and closes his eyes. “You are. My Cheesy Wheelies.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Jared wakes up before Jensen and decides to prepare breakfast for them, it has been a while since they had a nice breakfast. Jared is so inspired he even makes muffins, as well as scrambled eggs with cheese just like Jensen likes it, crispy bacon, hash browns and a nice pot of coffee. Jared sings while he prepares everything, feeling so happy about yesterday that he could scream out of the window for everyone to know.Jared was wary about asking Jensen out to the NBA game, wasn’t sure his boyfriend would want to go, but everything turned out much better than expected. Jared had assumed the highest point of the night was them appearing on the kissing camera, but then the night ended with Jensen and he confessing their love for each other, Jensen saying so many beautiful things to Jared, and the cherry on top was them having sex. Jared didn’t lie to Jensen when he said it was a thousand times better than the other sex they had. It was better than any sex Jared has ever had in fact. And he didn’t even need to have a dick in his ass to be the best sex ever. Jensen made sure to deliver everything even if they couldn’t do it the traditional way. Jared loved it all and he can’t wait to get intimate with Jensen again.Jared hears Jensen going to the bathroom and sets the table for them pouring coffee in both mugs and arranging the plates. Jensen finally emerges in the living room looking all gorgeous and Jared opens up a smile.“Morning, beautiful!”Jensen smiles and Jared watches how his cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. “Morning, Jay. Something smells incredible.”Jared closes the distance in a few strides and leans down to kiss Jensen, who places a hand behind his neck. “Made breakfast for us. I even made muffins!”Jensen’s eyes widen as he looks behind Jared and sees the table. “Oh dang. I should use my hands and tongue more often then, if it means I get muffins for breakfast.”Jared snorts and kisses Jensen again. “Don’t mention that unless you want to skip breakfast and go back to bed.”Jensen laughs and wheels around Jared to get to the table. They sit down and eat everything Jared prepared, Jensen complimenting everything and making him blush too. As they finish eating Jared suggests they have a day all to themselves, they could turn their phones off and just enjoy each other’s company doing whatever they feel like it. Jensen approves the idea.So they clean up the kitchen after breakfast and snuggle on the couch, Jared grabs a blanket and they make themselves comfortable. It doesn’t take too long for their clothes to be removed and a heavy naked make out session starts. Now that Jared gets to see and feel naked Jensen, he wants to enjoy it every opportunity he has.A couple of hours later Jared suggests they go somewhere for lunch. Jensen agrees and they go take a shower, and they do it together for the first time. They use the removable shower head to wash each other, and Jared finds Jensen’s shower bench very useful since he can fit in it alongside Jensen and they can make out while showering. Great purchase.After getting dressed they go to a restaurant at Lake Austin, with a great view of it. They get a table at the outside sitting area and have a good time together, still cut out of the world since both left their phones at home so their sole focus is each other. Jensen starts a conversation as they wait for their food. “So Jay… I never asked you about the time you spent in Paris. Sorry about that, I guess I was too focused on my problems. But I want to know more about you, why don’t you tell me how it was?”Jared is even surprised by Jensen’s question, it seems like so long ago. “It was good. I met some cool people there, it was nice to live abroad for a while. I learned a new language, a new culture. I decided over there that I wanted to study physical therapy, and that’s where I started to get my degree. It was a good time away.”“You never considered staying?”Jared shakes his head. “No. It was never my intention to stay permanently. My home is Austin and well… I wanted to come back. One year was enough.”Jensen blinks at him a few times. “Us sleeping together really had nothing to do with you deciding to go as you told me when I asked?”Jared studies his glass for a few moments, biting the inside of his cheek. “It wasn’t all of it. I swear it was already my plan before that night. I was already looking into it and had applied to it. I received the news I got approved after we slept together, and I won’t lie to you now that it weighed in my decision, yes. Things were too awkward between us and the team was suffering. And well… it’s okay to admit now that I had feelings for you. But I’d rather die before admitting it even to myself. So I thought the exchange program came at the perfect timing. I needed to get away from you for a while. I met a number of guys in Paris and went out with them, to see if I could get that night and you out of my mind.”Jensen chuckles and takes Jared’s hand. “We’re both idiots. I was pissed when you said you were leaving, I wanted to punch you. I missed you too. I also would never admit it to myself. And on top of it all I had a girlfriend, which made everything more fucked up. I wanted to hate you so much.”Jared gives him a small smile. “Same here. When I came back from Paris I was nervous about meeting you again, how it would be like. Then I went to practice and you weren’t there. I wanted to feel happy that I didn’t have to share the spotlight anymore, but it truly felt something was missing. I asked the team where you were but they told me what everyone knew, there was an accident and you moved away.”Jensen nods. “And the universe had a way to unite us again with you going to work at the same rehab clinic I started going to.”“Yeah. It was totally meant to be.”The waiter brings the food and Jensen resumes the conversation once the guy leaves. “So, you learned how to speak French, huh?”Jared smirks. “Oui, j’ai appris le français, mon amour. Comme ça je peux te dire ‘je t’aime’ en plus qu’une langue maintenant.”Jensen smiles adorably. “What did you say?”“That yes I did learn French, my love. So I can say that I love you in more than one language now.”Jared watches how Jensen’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. “And then I’m the cheesy one.”“Well, France does have lots of cheese so it’s inevitable for me.”Jensen laughs. “Oh God, that was terrible!”Jared throws a piece of bread at him and they resume eating their food.Once they leave the restaurant both go for a stroll by the lake, hand in hand. Jared learns he can pull Jensen if he holds his hand, while Jensen wheels himself with his other hand, and it works perfectly. They get some looks here and there, but Jared honestly doesn’t care. He can tell Jensen is a bit bothered by it, especially since he probably thinks Jared is embarrassed by being seen with someone in a wheelchair and is getting attention because of him. Jared doesn’t even feel upset about it, he knows the feeling is stronger than Jensen and he’s working on it. Jared will prove over and over to Jensen that he’s actually very proud of being his boyfriend like he did last night at the NBA match. Later they arrive back home and decide to keep being lazy and watch a movie. Jensen makes popcorn for them and they snuggle again, clothed this time. About half an hour into the movie though, the doorbell rings. Both look at each other with frowns on their faces, they’re not expecting anyone. Jared gets up from the couch and goes to the door. He opens it and swallows hard as he sees who’s visiting.“Josh? Mr. Ackles?” Jared looks from Jensen’s brother and father back to Jensen, who’s quickly moving from the couch to his chair. Jared turns around again. “What can I do for you?”Alan looks Jared up and down as if he’s a particularly gross cockroach. “I’m here to talk to Jensen.”Jared’s heart beats faster as he hears Jensen approaching them. “Dad, what are you doing here? What’s going on? How did you know where I am?”Alan steps inside without getting an invitation, Josh walking in behind him and giving them an apologetic look. “I made Josh bring me here.”Jared closes the door and positions himself so that he’s between Alan and Jensen but to the side so Jensen can see his father. “And what do I owe this lovely visit dad, if I may ask? I’m assuming you’re not here to see how I’m doing since you haven’t bothered to even call me ever since I moved here.”Alan shakes his head and fishes his phone out of his pocket. “Oh no. I came here to ask you what the actual fuck is this.” He unlocks the phone and shoves it on Jensen’s face. Jensen picks it up and Jared can see how his eyes widen as he watches whatever it is on the screen.“Oh shit.”Jared takes a step closer to Jensen. “Jen, what is it?”Jensen turns the phone to Jared, who watches a video of him and Jensen kissing on the kissing cam at the NBA game. Oh shit. He turns to Alan. “Where did you get this?”Alan looks at Jared as if he wants to murder him, his jaw clenching. “A friend of mine sent it to me, asked if it was really my son. Apparently it’s going around the internet.”Josh steps forward and takes the phone from Jensen. “What the fuck is going on?” He watches the video and looks from Jensen to Jared. “Is this what this is about? You two are together?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. I was going to tell you about it. It’s a recent development.”Josh snorts. “It was about time.” Then he looks at Alan with a raised eyebrow. “You made all this fuss and demanded me to bring you here like the house was on fire over this?”Alan looks at Josh with widened eyes. “Are you freaking kidding me? Your brother is not only a fag, he shows it to the whole world, and you’re okay with it??”Josh’s jaw drops. “Are you kidding me?”Jensen wheels forward to face Alan. “So what? You’re here to tell me what exactly? You want to know if it’s true that I’m a fag? Well, it’s true dad. Call it whatever you want, but Jared is my boyfriend. Remember when you asked if Jared was my boyfriend because I was hanging out with him? And you almost said you didn’t want to have a double freak as a son? Well, turns out you were right, look at that. I’m a fag on top of being a cripple!”Alan half closes his eyes and he gives Jensen a menacing look. “Now you listen to me, Jensen. I don’t care what you do in your private time, where you stick your dick or if others stick it in you. But I will not have a fag for a son and be mocking material in front of my friends and investors. Do you know what this little adventure of yours could cost me? I don’t care what you’re going to do, but you will fix this and call it a moment of insanity or whatever. The last thing I need is for a video of you kissing another… man going around the internet so everyone will know I…”Alan trails off and Jensen picks up on it, his hands gripping his wheels very tight. “That you what? That one of your sons is not only a cripple, but a fag too? Oh man, God forbid your golf friends slash investors know how badly you raised your spare son, huh? But rest assured dad, I will not lie about this. I don’t care if my video with Jared goes viral. He’s my boyfriend and the more people know it, the better.”Alan turns red and takes a step forward, looking more menacing than ever. “You won’t talk to me like this, boy! You’ll do as I say or I–”Jared steps in front of Alan to prevent him from getting too close to Jensen, but Jensen faces him head on. “Or you’ll what? Are you going to hit me? Oh please go ahead. Punch me and I’ll make sure to record it and send it to all of your dear friends, they’ll be very pleased to know how you hit your disabled son. Oh and I’ll also add to the video that you couldn’t care less about said disabled son, how you haven’t even called him in weeks to know how he’s doing when it hasn’t even been a full year since his life changing injury. Did you tell them that by the way, dad? Did you even tell them that your son is now in a wheelchair or is it too embarrassing for you to say? Is it better to pretend I don’t exist or I just moved away? I could bet money that you act like a loving father and husband for them, a role model of a perfect family, showing old pictures of us. Or lemme guess, are you going to disown me? Oh goddamn please go ahead. I don’t need your money, dad. I’m doing well on my own and making a decent amount of money without your help or having to work at that awful company listening to you tell me what a failure I am over and over.”Jensen makes a pause to take a couple of deep breaths, and Jared can see how upset he is but just allows Jensen to get it all out, he obviously needs it and it’s long overdue. Jensen clenches his jaw and grips his wheels even tighter as he keeps going. “Did you know that I used to rebel because of you? I would go out to bars, get shitfaced, go to races, because I was fed up with you often bringing me down and comparing me to Josh! The day I had that damn car accident that put me in this chair, I was tired of your bullshit, once again making sure to lemme know the disappointment I was to you and how I couldn’t be like Josh. I wanted to blow off some steam so I went out to drink. Then I got behind the wheel and probably fell asleep because I was so damn tired. Of everything. Of you, most of all. So yeah, you kept throwing on my face over and over how irresponsible I was for driving while drunk, and I’m not running from the blame because I was definitely reckless as fuck and that is all on me. But you are also responsible for it dad. You played a huge part in this, in me becoming paraplegic. And I won’t ever forgive you for treating me like shit, so much so that I needed an escape. So please go ahead and disown me, it’s a favor you do to me. You want me to remove your last name too so you can erase me completely from your life? I can do it, no problem. You want no fag for a son, and I want nothing to do with a man who cares so little about his own son he can’t sympathize even when said son almost dies and ends up paralyzed for life. I had enough struggles as it was, I didn’t need you rubbing salt to my wounds and making me feel even more like shit about my situation. I only started getting better and feeling more like a human being again, someone worthy of something, when I got the hell away from you. So staying as far away as possible is a favor you do to me, really.”Jared has trouble staying still as Jensen finishes his speech, he feels like screaming and hugging Jensen, he’s so fucking proud. Jensen holds his head as high as he can possibly do it, looking Alan in the eye even if he’s sitting down but he might as well be towering over his father, he’s standing so tall right now. Alan doesn’t say anything for a few moments, probably too stunned at having Jensen stand up for himself, and Josh is the one who speaks as he steps forward.“Is this for real, dad? You’re pissed because Jensen has a boyfriend now? You don’t want a fag for a son, is that really it?”Alan looks at Josh and he’s even redder than he already was. “He can ruin our reputation, Joshua! You saw what he was doing in that video, do you have any idea what people will say?”Josh slowly shakes his head, looking from his father to Jensen, then back at him. “You know what, dad? I’m done. Jensen is right, we never paid attention to him. And I include myself in it, I always acted like a clone of you, giving him a hard time for not being like us and wishing to live his own life. He was right when he threw on our faces that we didn’t care about him. I never went to watch a basketball game. I never saw him playing with Jared, when they were unbeatable, and I’ll always regret that. I failed my brother so much, over and over. Maybe if I had been a decent brother and paid attention to him, he wouldn’t have felt the need to do the things he did and wouldn’t have ended up in a wheelchair. I’ll never forgive myself for that, knowing I played a part in it even if it was small. I never knew exactly how badly you treated Jensen, or I didn’t think it was that bad. But after his accident, the least you could have done was to take care of him and offer the best environment for him to recover, and I’m not talking about an adapted house because that’s the bare minimum. It didn’t matter if you saw Jensen as responsible for the crash, a loving parent wouldn't have cared. He’s your son and he needed to be taken care of during the hardest moment of his life. It took me a long time to really see how toxic and abusive you are to him, but I won’t turn a blind eye to your attitudes anymore. If you don’t want a fag for a son, then you can say goodbye to both of your sons. I don’t want a father who treats his own child the way you treat Jensen. Oh and I’m leaving your company.”Alan’s jaw drops hearing that. “You can’t do that! You’re the one running most projects there, you can’t abandon the company!”Josh scoffs. “From everything I said, that’s what you care about? Sorry dad, but I’m done. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and this just cemented my decision. I can’t work for someone like you anymore. I’ll start my own business and make it on my own. You can shove your big company wherever you feel like it. I’m done with you as well.”Alan looks from Josh to Jensen, his mouth agape, clearly at a loss of words. Jensen lifts an eyebrow and makes a motion with his hand. “You’re free to leave. I don’t want people like you in my house, you’re ten times dirtier than the smudges my wheels leave on the floor and bother you so much. They aren’t a problem here, by the way. This place is for people who care about us and you’re not welcome here. Go back to your beloved company, it seems like you have lots of work to do since you just lost your gold employee.”Alan swallows hard and with one final murderous look at Josh and Jensen he storms off, slamming the door behind him. The three of them stand still for two seconds and then Jensen collapses, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands.“Oh God.”Jared wastes no time rushing to him, kneeling down beside his chair and pulling Jensen to a hug. Jensen holds him back and they stay like this for a while, Jared allowing Jensen to let it all out. Eventually they pull apart and Jensen wipes his face.“You were awesome love,” Jared says as he frames Jensen’s face. “I’m so proud of you for saying all of that to him, finally.”Jensen nods and Josh comes closer, also kneeling down on the other side of Jensen and placing a hand on his knee. “Bro, I’m so sorry. He just demanded that I bring him here, I had no idea what was going on. I shouldn’t have brought him.”Jensen shakes his head. “It’s okay. It’s actually good that he came and I got to say all of that to him. I’m shaken up but I also feel good about it.”Josh purses his lips. “I meant what I said. I’m so sorry for acting the way I did, I’ll never forgive myself. I should have been a better brother to you.”Jensen offers him a small smile. “It’s okay, Josh. You have proved to be a great brother and really helped me after the accident. You totally made up for it, I hold absolutely no grudge against you. We both grew apart, it just happened.”Josh nods. “You know you can count on me for everything you need, right?”“I know. You’re really leaving dad’s company?”“I am. I was already thinking about it, I don’t like the way Alan runs the company and how he treats people. This just cemented my decision. I’m gonna start something of my own. You can join me if you want.”Jensen shrugs. “I’m doing good actually. Selling my artistic skills. If you need something like that though, let me know.”Josh smiles. “I’m so happy that you’re doing good, bro. I think I’m gonna go now. Leave you and Jared alone.” Josh looks at Jared, who’s still kneeling next to Jensen with a hand on his shoulder. “I’m very pleased to hear you guys are together, by the way. I suspected something was up from the first day I visited.”Jared snorts. “You and the whole world, apparently.”Josh nods. “Well yeah, it was obvious you guys were pretty close. I know you’re good to my brother, Jared. I wouldn’t trust anyone for him other than you. I’m on your side one-hundred percent, and if you guys need anything just let me know.”Both of them nod and thank Josh, who gives Jensen a long hug. Then he gets up and walks to the door, Jared and Jensen following him. Once Josh leaves, both return to the couch and as Jensen transfers to it, Jared pulls him close to his body.“What a ride.”Jensen lets out a breath and rests his head on Jared’s shoulder. “Yeah. Wasn’t expecting that but it was good to finally confront my father.”Jared nods. “I guess we went viral, huh?”Jensen snorts and looks up. “Do you really think our video kissing is all over the internet? How do you feel about it? Your family will probably see it too.”Jared gives Jensen a quick kiss. “I said it already, I don’t care. I’m not gonna hide who I am and who I love. We should probably check it out, though.” he reaches for his phone on the end table and turns it on. When it connects, a lot of notifications start popping up and Jared watches his phone with widened eyes.“Yeah, apparently we went viral alright. There’s messages from everyone.” He opens Instagram and sees that lots of people have tagged him in the video of him and Jensen. He opens the post and Jensen watches with him, the caption saying “Jared Padalecki, power forward of UT Austin and Jensen Ackles, former UT Austin player, caught on the kissing camera at a NBA match in town. Congrats to the happy couple!”Jared watches the video with a smile on his face. He loves it. The camera captured almost their whole bodies, so Jensen’s wheelchair is pretty visible too. If there were people who still didn’t know about it, now they all do. “Pretty much everyone will know now about your injury, Jen.”Jensen shrugs. “I don’t care anymore. I’m good with who I am. You sure you’re okay too?”Jared nods. “One-hundred percent. I’m fucking proud of this video, I’m gonna save it and post it myself later. I love you and I want everyone to know we’re together. I don’t ever want to hide anymore.” Jensen snuggles closer and Jared checks his missed calls, realizing there’s a lot from his mother. “I guess my family has already seen it. My mom has called me a thousand times. There are also messages from her demanding I call her.”“You should just do it, Jay. Get it out of the way.”Jared stares at the phone in his hands, taking a few deep breaths to prepare himself. He clicks on her contact and his finger hover over the call icon. Jensen sits up and places a hand on Jared’s arm. “Want me to go to the bedroom so you can talk to her?”Jared shakes his head and takes Jensen’s hand, linking their fingers as he finally makes the call, putting the phone on speaker. “Stay, please.”Jensen squeezes his hand and Jared waits for her mother to answer.
“Jared??”
Jared swallows hard. “Hey mom.”
“Jared Tristan Padalecki, can you explain to me what the hell is that video that Megan showed me?? Please tell me it’s a mistake.”
Jared looks at Jensen, feeling apprehensive, and Jensen places his free hand on Jared’s back, rubbing it for comfort. He lets out a breath and answers his mom.“It’s no mistake mom. Jensen and I are together, we went to the game and the camera caught us. I decided to just make it public. He’s my boyfriend.”
“No. No way, Jared Tristan. You’re not… you’re not that.”
“Not what, mom? Gay? Yeah, I am. Sorry to be having this conversation over the phone, but I never felt safe enough to come out to you and dad. But it’s true. I’m gay and in love with Jensen.”His father’s voice comes through the phone. “Stop with the jokes, Jared. This isn’t funny.”Jared purses his lips. “Hello, dad. And I’m not joking at all. I have a boyfriend and his name is Jensen. The guy who lives with me.”“You’re saying you’re not only gay, but your… boyfriend is the man in the wheelchair who has been living with you? This has to be a joke,” his mother says, and Jared’s jaw drops.“Mom, stop it. Please.”
“No Jared, you stop it. I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation. I was trying to accept that you had a friend like that and you know I accepted having you both over for Thanksgiving but this is unacceptable. I never imagined something like that coming from you.”
Jared feels his heart dropping hearing his mother’s words. “Mom, are you more upset over finding out that I’m gay or that my boyfriend is paraplegic?”Sherri sighs. “I… I don’t know, okay? Both. It’s a shock to us. It’s too much at once, just having that video dumped on us when you never said anything. How do you think we’re feeling with suddenly learning you… you like men??”Jared draws comfort from Jensen’s hand on his back. “Look… I’m sorry again for never saying anything and for you finding out this way. But I won’t hide anymore, neither my orientation nor who I’m in love with. It’s something you’re gonna learn to accept and respect Jensen more than anything. If you can’t do that, it’s best we don’t see each other.”His parents are quiet for a few moments, then his mother speaks. “It’s better if you stay in Austin for Thanksgiving. This is too much for us to handle and I can’t say it’s okay right now and welcome you two with open arms. I’m gonna need some time to try and… I don’t know, try to accept this idea.”Jared swallows hard, swallowing down his tears upon hearing his mother talking like this, pretty much uninviting them from the holidays.“Okay mom. If you think it’s better this way, Jensen and I will stay here. We won’t go somewhere we’re not welcomed. I’m gonna go now.”
“Jared, I–”
“Bye, mom. Bye dad. Please only contact me again when you can accept me and the man I love without prejudices.”Jared hands the phone to Jensen, who ends the call and throws it to the side, wrapping Jared in his arms. Jared doesn’t cry, he just feels sad with his mother’s words. Why is it so hard to accept who he is? Jared understands it was a shock to them, but they were too hard. Especially regarding Jensen.“I’m so sorry that she is so ableist towards you, Jen. I don’t get it.”Jensen hugs Jared tighter. “Shhhh. It’s okay, Jay. You don’t need to apologize for other people. It’s not you feeling this way. I told you, as long as you love me for who I am and don’t have a problem with my paraplegia, it’s okay. It’s all I need. I just feel bad that I’m getting in the way of your relationship with your family. I can imagine it’s not what a parent wishes, to see their child with someone in a wheelchair, I don’t know.”Jared pulls back and gives Jensen a pointed look. “Don’t say that, Jen. Never feel sorry for that. That’s unacceptable of them. I can even try to understand them having a problem with me being gay because of their beliefs or whatever. But not with me dating someone with a disability. They’re being bigots without even knowing you. I won’t admit that.” Jared gives him a kiss on the lips. “I love you so much, Jen. Don’t ever change, please.”Jensen smiles. “Well, I’d like to get more feeling and movements back in my legs, but I promise I’ll try to stay the same otherwise.”Jared chuckles and snuggles closer again. “I guess it’s really us against the world, huh?”“Yeah. We knew this wouldn’t be easy. But if you’re ready for it, so am I.”“I’m ready for anything with you.”They just stay like this on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, watching a movie and trying to wind down. Jared knows there are lots of messages from his friends but he doesn’t feel like talking to anyone today. He just wants to stay with Jensen doing nothing. They order pizza for dinner and eat in silence. Then they call it a night earlier than usual, the events of the day having drained both of them. Jared has some feelings growing stronger inside of him but he doesn’t know how to bring it up with Jensen, or if he should voice it. He goes through his nightly routine and meets Jensen on their bed. They get under the covers and Jensen pulls him closer, Jared looking down between their bodies as he thinks things over, a frown on his face.Jensen brings up a hand and runs a thumb over Jared’s creased forehead.“Love, what’s going on? You seem weird.”Jared purses his lips. “It’s nothing Jen, don’t worry about it.”Jensen caresses Jared’s face. “Jay, please talk to me. Whatever it is in your head, you can share with me. What’s bothering you? Is it about what your mom said?”Jared shakes his head. “No, it’s not that. It’s just that I was thinking about the whole thing with your dad… and I’m feeling so guilty.”Jensen frowns. “Why the hell would you feel guilty over what happened between me and my dad?”Jared lets out a breath. “I just feel awful for the things I used to say to you back then, for all the hard times I gave you. You were going through a tough time with your father and I added more to your pile acting the way I did.”Jensen’s eyes widen. “Hey, now. Jared, stop that please. I didn’t give you an easy time either. It’s not like I was a delicate flower that kept being bullied by the tough guy. From what I remember, I gave back as good as I got, and more often than not I was even more of a dick to you than you were to me. Especially after we slept together. I was a huge asshole to you, so this is definitely not only on you. I would never want you to feel sorry for me if you knew the shit I got at home. I wouldn't want that from you. What we had between us had nothing to do with my problems with my father.”Jensen takes Jared’s hand and plants a kiss on it before continuing. “And Jay, we are different people now. That shit is all in the past, we have changed so much. I changed so much in many aspects. All that shit between us feels like a different life, a life that doesn’t belong to me anymore. Look at us now, Jay. You are the one person who has been helping me get my life back. Who I was able to connect with on a very deep level, the only one. Who, like I said, managed to pull me out of the dark hole I was in. When I told you I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere after my injury, that I felt like a burden anywhere I went, and you said I could fit here and offered me shelter in your place… you changed my life right there, Jay. I stopped feeling adrift and now it’s like I finally fit, I belong, I’m anchored. You showed me I’m not a burden to you, I can be someone that matters even in a wheelchair. You love me for who I am and I’m so thankful for that. It’s unfathomable for me to look at you and remember those days when we couldn’t stand each other, where we would call each other names and tell the other to fuck off three times a day. That truly belongs in another life, and I learned how to love you so deeply. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. You give me courage and purpose to face all the challenges, and I know that my life can actually be good with you. So please don’t feel bad about the past. We can’t change that. We both made mistakes, we’re young. What matters is right now, and what we’re building together. Our future. I don’t care if my father disowns me, if he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, I want to be as far from him as possible. I’d even change my last name to erase all connections with him if needed. My family is you, Jay. As long as you love and have me.”Jared feels warm all over with yet another beautiful declaration from Jensen. He snuggles closer and kisses him tenderly. “Make it forever then, because you’re stuck with me for life. And remember when you would tease me endlessly for never stopping talking? You’re beating me in that area, Mister Cheesy Wheelies.”Jensen chuckles. “Your blabbering is rubbing off on me! I blame you for it!”Jared opens a big smile, still not believing he got so lucky. “You could change your name to Padalecki. I wouldn’t mind.”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “Jensen Ross Padalecki? Hm, that doesn’t sound too bad. I may have to learn how to spell that though. Man, I wish I could meet the old Jensen and tell him his future self is actually considering changing his last name to Padalecki of all names. He would have admitted me.”Jared laughs. “Could be Padapoop too.”Jensen laughs along and presses his forehead against Jared’s, giving him an intense look. “Can I be even cheesier?”“Always. You don’t even have to ask me that, Cheesy Wheelies. Being cheesy is encouraged in this house.”Jensen smiles and looks down, his voice dropping down a notch. “It’s just that there’s this song that I like… and makes me think of us.”“Oh yeah? Sing it to me then.”“It’s very cheesy, okay? Don’t laugh.”Jared runs his fingers down Jensen’s cheek. “I would never.”Jensen clears his throat. “Okay the chorus is something like…”
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
Jensen finishes it and just looks at Jared, who feels a deep emotion bubbling inside him. He closes the distance again and kisses Jensen languidly, for a long time.“I love those broken roads too,” Jared murmurs into Jensen’s lips. “I love where we are now.”“I love it too. Even the hard times were worth it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now, other than right here like this.”Jared wraps an arm around Jensen, feeling sleep claiming him. He closes his eyes and scoots even closer to Jensen’s body. “Fuck everyone else who don’t accept us then. Us against the world, Jen.”*Jared goes to class the next day and it’s an interesting experience. People look at him more than usual, probably having seen the NBA video. Chad meets up with him and teases him endlessly for appearing on a kissing cam, but when Jared tells him the aftermath of it, his friend is very supportive and tells him he’s there for whatever needed, even to punch Jensen’s father or anything else. Jared has a basketball practice after classes and of course he’s the main subject as he arrives and finds his teammates. Jeff has been talking to a couple of them and looks at Jared with a smirk on his face.“I could say I was surprised when I saw the video of you and Jensen kissing but part of me definitely saw it coming. I always knew there was more to all that bickering between you two.”Jared shrugs. “Yeah, well. What can I say? Just like a very cheesy novel, turns out that the enemies to lovers trope is true. I hope me being gay isn’t a problem here, though.”Jeff shakes his head vehemently. “Not at all, son. I’m happy for both of you, I know you’re good to each other. And if anyone has a problem with it, don’t hesitate to lemme know so I can write your name off my list.”Nobody says anything and thankfully practice goes well. Later Jared picks Jensen up to go to rehab, and once that’s over they return to campus for their own practice. They start it with Jared playing standing up, dribbling Jensen and vice versa as they began trying a while ago. Then he gets a chair as well and they practice some more, knocking the other over a few times and laughing a lot. Jared truly loves playing with Jensen like this, it’s one of his favorite parts of the day.Halfway through their practice, they hear a familiar voice coming from close to the entrance. “You guys definitely don’t go easy on each other just because you’re together now, huh? Nice.”Both turn around to find Jeff walking closer to them, a smile on his face.“Hey coach,” Jensen greets him. “I see you know about us already, huh?”Jeff chuckles and shakes Jensen’s hand. “Yeah, let’s just say that appearing on a kissing cam at a NBA game isn’t exactly subtle. You guys mind if I watch you playing? I just came to get some stuff and saw you here.”Jensen and Jared shake their heads. “Not at all!”They resume their practice for another while. Once it’s over Jared assists Jensen getting back in his chair, and Jeff invites both of them to go grab something to eat, so they drive to a diner close to the campus. They order their drinks and food, and Jeff turns to Jensen.“Jensen, I really liked watching you and Jared playing today. You definitely have a lot of talent to play wheelchair basketball, just as you had with regular basketball.” Jensen quietly thanks Jeff, and Jared can see how he’s shy with the compliment. Jeff goes on. “I told you before how I assist the coach in the wheelchair team, and I’d love it if you would come to a practice. I think it would be great for you, to see how a real team is like, to practice with them. What do you say?”Jensen frowns as he thinks about it. “Well, I mean… yeah, it could be nice. I just still feel wary about being among the whole team, especially being the new guy. They’re obviously much more advanced than I am.”“They’re a very welcoming bunch, Jensen. Many of them have been where you are, being freshly injured and needing to find themselves again. I think it would be a good thing for you. Plus it’s nice to be among other people with similar disabilities than you. Just come to a practice and see how you feel. What do you say? Want to think about it?”Jensen lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I guess I’ll come. Just gimme a few days. I’ll contact you and let you know when I’m ready to come and you tell me when it’s a good day.”
Jensen
A few days later Jensen finally decides to go for a practice with the wheelchair team. Jared encourages him to go when Jensen runs it with his boyfriend, and he contacts Jeff to ask when he can come. Jeff says there’s a practice tomorrow, and Jensen feels nervous about it.“It’s gonna be great Jen, I know it,” Jared says when Jensen tells him he’s going to practice soon.“I’m just nervous about meeting a bunch of new people. Even if they’re disabled like me. Especially because of it, I guess.”Jared rubs his back as they sit on the couch. “I can imagine, love. It’s a whole new situation. But I know you can face yet another challenge.”Jensen nods. “Wanna come along?”Jared shakes his head. “Nope. I think this is something you need to do by yourself first. I mean, I can come if you absolutely want me to, but I believe you should go without me. I can drop you off and then pick you up once it’s over tho.”Jensen considers it. “Yeah, you’re right. By the way, sorry to use you as my personal driver. I can catch an Uber, it’s no problem.”Jared gives Jensen a kiss. “I don’t mind driving you, Jen. I happily do it. By the way, have you ever considered driving again? You know there are hand controls and you can get an adapted car, right?”Jensen nods, looking down. “Yeah, I know. I have thought about it, it’s just… it’s still hard for me to think about it. I’m terrified of getting behind a wheel again, when it was this that caused me to become paraplegic.”“I imagine it would be tough. But you only did it because you were drunk. You would never do it again. It could be very good for your independence. I don’t mind driving you places, not at all. But like I said, it could be very important for you and your own independence, it would give you more freedom to go wherever you want.”Jensen sighs. “Yeah, I know. But there’s also the legal matter. I got charged with DUI, Jay. From what I heard, they suspended my license for a year, and if I want to ever drive again, I need to take some classes or something. I mean, you’re right. It would definitely be good for my independence, I’d like to get a car of my own someday. But it will be a long process both legally and emotionally for me.”“There’s no rush. Like I said, I’ll happily take you wherever you need to go. But when you’re ready to take this new step I’ll be there to encourage you.”Jensen smiles and squeezes Jared’s thigh. “Thanks, Jay.”*Jared drops Jensen off at the court the next day, and after making sure Jensen is all set, Jared gives him a kiss, wishes him good luck and drives off, asking Jensen to call him when it’s over. Jensen takes a few deep breaths and wheels inside the court, where most of the players are already warming up. Jeff is talking to another man, who Jensen assumes is the coach, and gives Jensen a smile as he approaches.“Jensen, so nice that you came!”Jensen smiles nervously at Jeff, who squeezes his shoulder and motions for him to go meet everyone. Jeff gets their attention as Jensen approaches.“Guys, like I had already told you, this is Jensen Ackles. Some of you may have seen him already when he used to play for the regular team, and after some circumstances he’s now ready to give a shot in the wheelchair team. He was a great player and I’m sure he will be one in this team too. So can you guys give him a warm welcome?”Jensen waves shyly at them, and the players approach him to do just as Jeff asked. They are all very friendly and Jensen feels a bit more at ease. One of them introduces himself as Tom and asks if Jensen has ever played from the chair before, and he explains he has been practicing with his boyfriend who’s also a player in the main team (he doesn’t want to hide the fact that he has a boyfriend) and he knows some stuff, but hasn’t played with a team yet. Another asks how long has it been since Jensen is in the chair and what kind of injury he has, and Jensen says it has been about ten months now and he suffered a SCI in the T11 and T12 vertebrae. The guys invite Jensen to a light practice with them, and Jeff brings a sports chair so Jensen can transfer to.They start practice and go easier with it so Jensen can get used to it. He’s not bad at it at all since he has been practicing a lot with Jared, so he’s able to keep up with the rest of the team pretty well. He’s even knocked over and manages to get back up, and also scores a few shots. Jensen is fast even in the chair, managing to maneuver graciously and with ease, handling the ball naturally and he works very well with the other teammates.
Halfway through the practice Jensen calls it quits since he’s pretty beat, and decides to just watch the rest of it. He moves back to his chair and stays on the sidelines. Jensen starts feeling a mix of sentiments inside of him. He’s happy that he managed to play so well with the team, he can see himself joining it and becoming a wheelchair basketball player. But another part of him, that he can’t control, feels the loss more acutely. Jensen tries to push the feeling down, at least for now. This was good, it’s something new that can become his new reality. He will deal with the other feelings later.Once practice is over most players come by to talk to Jensen and say he will be very welcomed if he decides to join the team, since he fits pretty well with all of them and he’s a great player. Jensen manages to smile and thank them, promising to think about it. They invite Jensen to go grab something to eat since they do that sometimes, but Jensen declines the invitation for now. He’s feeling overwhelmed with everything and just wants to go home. He messages Jared asking his boyfriend to pick him up, and Jeff comes over to talk to him, sitting on the bleacher next to him.“That was awesome, Jensen. I’m so glad you came, you played so well with them. You should consider joining the team. Of course you need to be a student in the university to join the team officially, are you considering that?”Jensen nods, managing to keep himself under control for now. “Yeah, I’ve been doing some work as a graphic designer and I’ve been thinking about getting a degree. I just need to see if they would still offer me the full ride since I dropped out and am not part of the basketball team anymore.”“Yeah well, but you dropped out due to special circumstances, it wasn’t your choice. I can talk to the board and explain we need you in the team, and I’m sure they would offer your full ride again to come back to the university.”Jensen licks his lips. “Lemme think about it first and I’ll let you know, okay? I need to go now, Jared is coming to pick me up soon, don’t want to keep him waiting.”Jeff nods and gets up, saying goodbye to Jensen who quickly wheels outside. Thankfully Jared doesn’t take too long to arrive, and Jensen gets settled in the passenger’s seat.“How was it, Jen?? I was so anxious to know!”Jared is incredibly excited and Jensen manages to push down completely the side of him that is feeling overwhelmed, and answers Jared accordingly.“It was great, Jay. The team gave me a warm welcome and I was able to play very well with them, I just fit right in. Jeff says he’d really like for me to join the team, so I need to consider coming back to the university in the future.”Jared smiles wider and takes Jensen’s hand as he drives home. “Oh my God, that’s awesome! I’m so happy for you Jen, I knew it would be awesome. I can’t wait to watch you play with the team!”Jensen smiles sincerely and squeezes Jared’s hand. “Thanks for the incentive, Jay.”They arrive home and Jensen takes a shower, calling it a night earlier claiming he’s tired. Jared lies next to him and gives him a good night kiss, not taking too long to fall asleep. Jensen stays up for a long time though, thinking about everything. He knows he should feel over the moon that he just played with a whole team again and was great at it. And he is happy, he truly is. Basketball can still be part of his life and that’s incredible. But another part, stronger than him, feels the loss very raw in his bones. Knowing that it will always be different, that he can’t just go play for the regular team, hits deeply. Jensen knows this feeling will likely pass and he will do well in the wheelchair team if he decides to go back to the uni and join them. But for tonight Jensen allows the dark side to take over and lets himself feel the loss of the Jensen he once was.His face is wet with tear tracks when he finally manages to fall asleep, the darkness looming over him.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
Jensen wakes up the next day and he can already feel that he’s still off. The basketball game messed something up inside of him, and it’s uncontrollable. He stays in bed without opening his eyes, and can tell Jared isn’t in bed with him. He feels a headache forming and tries to stay still as possible, hoping his bad mood will magically go away.But of course the universe always has a way to turn a bad day into complete shit. Jensen opens his eyes and notices something is weird. He runs his hands down his body and notices exactly what is wrong, and he feels mortified. Jared chooses the worst timing in the world to walk into the bedroom, pulling the blinds open as he notices Jensen wake.“Morning, sunshine!” Jensen swallows hard and stays still. Jared doesn’t realize the horrible mood he’s in, and keeps going. “The day is beautiful, Jen!”“Jared…” Jensen starts, but Jared doesn’t hear him.“It’s Saturday thank God, and the sun is out! I made some toast and coffee, I already had some because I was starving. But I saved some for you, I promise!”“Jared…”“I thought we could go out and do some grocery shopping, we’re out of almost everything. Then we could I don’t know, go have lunch somewhere, maybe at the lake again. Just enjoy the good sunny day, what do you say? Oh, or we cou–”“JARED! God, can you stop talking for a moment?”Jensen is very rude without meaning to, and his harsh tone gets Jared to shut up immediately and look at him with widened eyes.“What happened?”Jensen feels his cheeks warming up as he removes the wet sheets from his body, revealing his equally wet boxers.“I peed myself, Jared. Like a goddamn five year old!”Jared looks at the sheets and boxers, then back at Jensen, and he swallows hard. “Oh. But it’s no problem Jen, it’s just some sheets, plus you have the bed pad so the mattress won’t even get wet! We can change them and get new ones, it’s no big deal at all I–”Jared makes a motion to grab the sheet but Jensen holds up a hand.“NO! Stop it, Jared! Stop saying it’s not a big deal, please! It’s a huge deal to me, I’m twenty-two and I’m wetting the fucking bed! It’s not just some sheets, stop it please! Nothing is right, everything is fucked up!”Jared looks at a loss of what to do and stutters. “Jen… sorry… I didn’t mean, I–”Jensen sits up on the bed and covers his face with both hands, feeling his blood boiling. “Can you leave me alone, please? I just need to be the fuck alone right now, my head is killing me and I can’t deal with this right now. Please Jared, give me a moment!”Jensen looks up and sees how Jared’s cheeks turn pink and he’s blinking hard, his voice dropping down a few notches. “Okay… so–sorry. I’ll leave you alone for a while. I guess you need it. I think… well, I think I’ll go get some groceries like I said. You sure you’ll be okay?”Jensen huffs. “Yes Jared! I’m paraplegic, not an invalid despite what it might look like! I can stay by myself for a while, I won’t die or starve or anything. I can take care of myself!”“I didn’t mean… okay. I’ll get going then. Let me know if… nevermind. I’ll be back soon. Okay.”Jared looks disoriented as if Jensen just punched him. He turns around and leaves the room. Not even a minute later Jensen can hear the front door quietly shutting and then there’s just silence.Jensen throws the sheets on the floor and harshly grabs his chair, bringing it closer to the bed. He almost falls since the brakes aren’t locked, and it makes Jensen feel even worse. He manages to get in the chair safely and wheels to the bathroom, grabbing a towel and transfering to the shower bench. He gets rid of the sodden boxers and turns on the shower. He feels empty as the water falls on him, not understanding why he’s feeling so awful today. Jensen washes and caths himself, just so he’s sure he won’t wet himself again.Once he’s all dry, Jensen wraps a towel around his body and goes to his old bedroom to change into fresh clothes, putting on his beloved hoodie that Jared gave him for a bit of comfort and warm socks on his feet. Then he goes to the other bedroom to collect the ruined sheets, taking them to the washing machine and starting a cycle.As Jensen wheels to the kitchen he stops right next to the dining table, finding the breakfast Jared prepared. Jensen’s eyes linger for an endless moment on the plate that Jared had set for him. There are two pieces of toast, prepared exactly as Jensen likes it. There’s butter on the side so Jensen could spread on them, and Jared drew a heart on the plate using ketchup. He also drew J² right next to the heart. Jensen can’t take his eyes off the plate that Jared so lovingly prepared for him, his heart sinking to his stomach.Jensen is such an asshole.He feels something bubbling inside of him as he replays his words to Jared, how unfair he was to him. Jared is the most important person in the world to him, he cares so much about Jensen, he doesn’t deserve the treatment Jensen gave him. It’s not his fault Jensen is having a crappy day at all. So Jensen grabs his phone and moves to the couch, transfering to it and sitting sideways, pulling his legs up and hugging them with his arms. He manages to write a text to Jared with trembling fingers, his heart beating a mile a minute and his mind spinning almost out of control as he feels himself falling.
Jared
Jared walks around the Target store close to their apartment. He has a basket in one hand but there’s nothing inside. He walks aimlessly around the aisles, thinking about what just happened and what he should do. He wasn’t expecting Jensen’s violent reaction, it was obvious more than just a wet bed. Part of him knows he should have stayed, but he also wanted to give Jensen space. It breaks his heart seeing Jensen like this and not knowing what to do.Jared walks some more and then his phone beeps in his pants pocket. He fishes it out and sees two texts from Jensen. He opens it as quickly as possible and reads them.
Shackles: I’m having a shitty day. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean
Shackles: I love you, I swear.
Jared can’t help the tears as he reads the text, it breaks his heart in pieces knowing Jensen is suffering. He quickly searches the store and grabs two items to take home with him. After paying for the stuff Jared drives home, parking the car and rushing to the apartment. When Jared gets inside he finds Jensen on the couch already dressed and wearing the hoodie, hugging his legs, his socked feet on the couch, and staring at a random spot in front of him, supporting his head on the back of the couch. It looks like his soul left his body, almost like the day when he jumped in the pool, and Jared is terrified.He approaches Jensen and sits beside him on the couch, placing a hand on his back.“Jen? I’m here.”Jensen turns his head around a tad in Jared’s direction.“I’m sorry, Jay. I was too harsh on you, I’m so sorry.” His voice is so small it breaks Jared’s heart even further.Jared rubs his hand on Jensen’s back. “It’s okay, Jen. I know you didn’t mean it. Want to tell me what’s going on? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”Jensen lets out a breath and shifts on the couch, turning his body to face forward and repositioning his legs using his arms, again hugging them close to his body as he hunches forward. “Started yesterday after practice. I liked being there, I really did. I can see myself as part of the team. But I don’t know, something felt off. I felt the loss of my old life very strongly. Like it will always be like this for me, ya know? Always adapted. Always different. I won’t ever play like I used to, I’ll never be an NBA player. I’ll never walk ever again. I feel like a lost cause, like all my hopes and dreams were shattered. I suddenly felt so damaged, like something inside of me is broken. I know, I know that I can have a good life. I want to have a good life with you. We’re building something so awesome and I love our life. It’s just… I know you don’t like it when I use this word, but I just feel more crippled today.”Jensen’s voice wavers and Jared doesn’t say anything. He just pulls Jensen sideways so he’s lying on his chest. Jensen turns his face so that he can bury it in Jared’s neck. Jared tightens his hold on Jensen, holding him as close to his body as possible, and caresses his hair with a hand. Jensen starts crying, wetting Jared’s neck, his body shaking. Jared just holds him and keeps caressing his hair, trying to share some of his warmth with Jensen, saying without words that he’s there for him. Jared feels his own eyes getting wet, and a couple of tears fall on Jensen’s hair.
Eventually Jensen’s cries subdue and he just stays like this, his face on Jared’s neck. Jared cradles Jensen’s head and plants a kiss to the top of it.“I’m here, Jen. I’m not going anywhere. You can let it all out.”“I hate feeling like this,” he says in a whisper.“I know, love. You’re having a bad day, that’s all. It’s okay.”Jensen lifts his head so he can look at Jared. “But I was doing good, I shouldn’t feel so shitty like this.”Jared shakes his head. “Jen, even though you’re adjusting well you can’t forget it hasn’t even been a full year since your injury. In terms of SCI, it’s extremely recent. You’re bound to have bad days, it’s only natural that you have them. I don’t know what it's like being in your shoes, but I guess you’ll always have them. Maybe less often in the future, but still. You’re allowed to feel like this. And you can take it out on me if it helps you cope with it.”“God, no. You don’t deserve this, Jay. You’re the most incredible person and I’m lucky to have you in my life. I was too harsh on you.”“And I’ll be here to catch you when you’re at your worst.”“I hate feeling like this, I just can’t control it.” Jensen lowers his head and covers his face with a hand. “God, I can’t even control my bladder, I peed on your bed. How can you want someone like this?”Jared lifts Jensen’s face back up and gently pulls his hand away, finding troubled eyes looking back at him. “First of all, it’s our bed. Not just my bed anymore. It’s our bedroom too. Second of all, Jen… I knew what I was getting into when I started a relationship with you. I’m a future physical therapist, I know how a paralyzed body functions. Having a neurogenic bladder means you’re bound to have escapes, and it’s okay. Well, of course it’s not easy for you and I imagine it must suck. But you don’t have to feel embarrassed with me, okay? I’m together with you in this. Jen, like I said before, you should stop worrying so much about things you can’t control. Like your bladder and bowel for example. It’s not your fault you peed on the bed, it’s just how your body works. You can wet the bed sometimes, we just change the sheets and move on. You can even pee on me and we’ll call it a new kink.” Jensen snorts and Jared tightens his hold around him again. “But I’ll also be here to offer comfort if you feel bad about it, which it’s okay too. Promise. You know what, why don’t we spend today here like this? Just cuddling, watching a movie, we can order something you like for lunch. We can have a quiet day.”Jensen lets out a sigh and lowers his head on Jared’s chest. “You were so excited about the sunny day and I just ruined the mood.”Jared kisses his hair again. “Jen, you’re much more important than a sunny day. There will be lots of sunny days in our future. Today you’re having a cloudy one and we’ll get through it together. If you want me close of course. You can have your space too if you prefer. I can control myself and not hover like it’s my default mode.”Jensen shakes his head. “No, please stay. You’re my personal sun inside the dark hole that gets bigger sometimes. Like the only thing I can see, a lighthouse. It’s like that today. Hopefully tomorrow it will be better.”“There’s always tomorrow, it’s always a new day. But for today let’s just stay here. I got you something, look.”Jared reaches for the bag he left on the coffee table, and hands it to Jensen. He takes it and reaches inside, fishing out the first item. It’s a teddy bear wearing a shirt that says The Greatest Basketball Player Ever!, and he’s holding a tiny ball in one hand. He turns around and gives Jared a small smile.“Where did you even find this?”Jared shrugs. “Target apparently has just what you need in desperate times. Almost like the Room of Requirement in Harry Potter. I was looking for something to cheer you up and found this in the toys section. You get to name him.”Jensen kisses Jared’s cheek. “I love it. I’ll think of a good name for him.” He reaches for the second item, a plastic container with a chocolate cupcake inside.“That’s to try and make your day a bit sweeter. And I know you love chocolate everything, so.”Jensen smiles again. “Thanks, Jay. I love those. Thank you for being so thoughtful and caring.”Jared kisses Jensen’s temple. “Okay so, wanna have that breakfast now? You probably haven’t eaten anything yet.”Jensen nods. “Yeah I haven’t, just showered and got on the couch.”Jared leaves Jensen for a while and grabs the plate with the toasts he had prepared earlier, warming them up and spreading butter on them. He also prepares a nice mug of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows to try and warm Jensen up from the inside. He puts the toasts back on the plate where he drew the heart with ketchup, and brings everything to the couch. Jensen sits up straighter and silently has his breakfast as Jared chooses something on streaming for them to watch.“Monsters, Inc. okay?”Jensen nods, and once he’s done eating he places the plate and mug on the coffee table and Jared guides him so he’s lying on the couch with his head on his lap, placing a cushion under it and making sure his legs are well positioned on the couch. Jared kicks off his shoes and stretches his own legs on the seat of Jensen’s chair, making himself comfortable. They watch the movie in silence, Jared keeping a hand on Jensen’s chest and the other on his hair, lightly caressing it. Jensen holds the teddy bear close to his heart. Jared only pays half attention to the movie, since he wants to make sure Jensen is okay.Jared doesn’t say anything, doesn’t offer Jensen any platitudes, doesn’t say that he will be fine, that he’s okay, that he shouldn’t feel this way. He understands that Jensen is bound to have bad days, he just had his whole life forever changed and this can’t be something remotely easy, especially for someone so young. Jared can’t even begin to comprehend what it's like to hear that you won’t be able to walk anymore and have to spend your life in a wheelchair. Jensen has made a lot of progress in a short amount of time, but of course there are setbacks. Jensen is feeling the loss of his old life stronger today, and Jared feels helpless. He wishes he could take the pain away from Jensen and throw it out of the window. Sadly he can’t do that, so he does what he can, which is to offer comfort, a shoulder to cry on, all his love and patience.Eventually Jared looks down and sees how there are silent tears running down the side of Jensen’s face, so he wordlessly moves the hand from his chest up and wipes them with his thumb, very gently. Jensen turns his face up so he’s facing Jared, his eyes shining and looking so sad. Jared scoots back and leans down, planting a lingering kiss to Jensen’s lips while still caressing his hair and also his face with his thumb. Jensen places a hand behind Jared’s neck and they just kiss for a while, not deepening it, just lips against lips, Jared trying to offer warmth this way as well. They share a special moment that feels even more intimate than when they’re having sex. It’s a gesture of comfort, of togetherness, that only makes Jared’s love for Jensen grow even stronger, and he’s even more sure that he won’t leave Jensen’s side, ever.Around lunchtime Jared orders food from Jensen’s favorite restaurant, without even needing to check with him. Jensen thanks him and they eat again mostly in silence, and then Jensen shares the cupcake with Jared. He only speaks as they finish eating it.“Do you think the guys would be up to come over tonight? So we could, I don't know, have some beers, play cards, video games, talk about anything other than my mobility issues?”Jared lifts his eyebrows. “Are you sure you want to have people over today?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. I mean, I dunno if I’ll be the greatest company, but I think it would be a good thing to get my head out of stuff. If they want to come, of course.”After they clean up the dining table, Jared goes to their bedroom to call Chad, Justin and Chris. He explains to them that Jensen is having a bad day and asked if they could come over for a guys’ night, asking Chris to bring Steve too, and they all agree and promise to bring drinks and snacks since Jared doesn’t want to leave the apartment to go buy stuff and leave Jensen alone. He also asks all of them not to bring the subject up or anything regarding Jensen’s disability or even ask how his basketball practice is going, just to treat him normally so they can try and cheer him up a bit. They all promise to do just that.A few hours later everyone shows up bringing lots of snacks, beer, sodas, ice cream, some board games and Chad brings his Nintendo as well. Jensen smiles as they arrive and greets them warmly. He doesn’t pretend to be his usual self and Jared knows everyone can tell something is off with him, but thank God nobody asks how he’s doing. Their friends are awesome and just act normally, everyone sets the table with the food they brought and beer is passed around. They spend a good time playing games, especially Pictionary which is always a great way to have fun. Jensen even laughs a few times as Chad draws ridiculous things that make no sense, and Jared tries not to leave his side much, and he knows Jensen appreciates it. They also have a Mario Kart competition and Jared learns Jensen is a pro at it, managing to beat everyone and winning the title of best Mario Kart player. Jensen even jokes that he’s bound to be the best one with games involving wheels and Jared is relieved he’s joking about it.Chris and Steve have also brought guitars and sing a few songs. Jensen declines singing with them when Chris asks, and nobody insists that he does so. Their friends only leave many hours after arriving, way past midnight, and it was a great night. He can feel that their small gathering managed to lift Jensen’s spirits a bit, his eyes don’t seem so shadowed anymore. The four of them give Jensen hugs before leaving, and Jensen thanks them for stepping up and coming on such a short notice.“You can call us anytime, Jenny! We’re glad to come to the rescue!They finish freshening up the living room since everyone helped clear the trash, and go take a warm shower together. Jared wordlessly takes the shower head and washes Jensen’s body, scrubbing him gently with a washcloth and washing his hair, and Jensen just lets Jared take care of him. Jared loves how Jensen trusts him so much. Once they’re done with their nightly routine, both settle on the bed and Jared scoots closer to Jensen.“How you feeling now, love? Did having the guys over help?”Jensen nods with a smile. “It did. It was great having them over and taking my mind off things for a while. I think I really needed that. But having you is the best medicine. Thanks for putting up and taking care of me.”Jared gives Jensen a chaste kiss. “I love putting up with your lovely ass. Let’s just sleep now, okay? Tomorrow is a brand new day. If you’re still feeling down, it’s okay. Don’t force yourself to get out of your funk. Just let it run its course.”Jensen grabs the teddy bear that was on his nightstand, holding it between their bodies, and snuggles closer to Jared. “I think I’ll call him JJ. What do you think?.”“Hmm I think it’s perfect.”
Jensen
Jensen wakes up next morning, and as he slowly opens his eyes he finds Jared already awake, just gazing at him and running his fingers through his hair lightly.“Morning, Cheesy Wheelies.”Jensen smiles and snuggles closer. “Morning Jay.”“How are you feeling today?”Jensen considers the question for a moment. “Well, not as bad as yesterday I guess. But still like something is off.”Jared kisses his forehead. “What do you feel like doing? Or not do anything?”Jensen takes another moment to think about it. He tries to assess how he’s feeling and what sounds like a good idea today. He thinks about staying inside all day long, watching TV on the couch, and he just doesn’t want that, he has stayed cooped up inside all day yesterday and it’s like he needs to breathe better.“I want to go out, I think. Just do something fun, I don’t know. You up for something?”Jared nods vigorously. “Hell yeah! We could go to the lake again, what do you think? Maybe do some water activities. We could even go for breakfast at IHOP before we head there.”Jensen actually loves the idea. He had a great time with Jared at the lake, he wouldn’t mind doing it again.“I think it’s a great idea. Now you should go to the bathroom because today I need to do my bowel routine and that takes a while.”Jared jumps off the bed, giving Jensen an exaggerated grossed out face. “Ew, TMI!”*Once they’re all ready to go and all packed, Jared drives to the nearest IHOP. They have a big greasy breakfast and Jensen has lots of coffee. Then they head to Lake Travis again, it’s another sunny day and Jensen feels good with the window rolled down and the wind hitting his face. It’s like he can breathe a tad better.They arrive at the lake and after changing into swimming trunks and rash guards, they go check out the water activities to see what sounds like a good idea and could be doable for Jensen. They reach a place where there are kayaks for rental, and Jared looks at Jensen questioningly.“Sounds cool,” Jensen says. “I wouldn’t mind trying it out. I’ve never done that before, have you?”Jared shakes his head. “Never. Think they’d have like kayaks for beginners?”“Especially for paraplegic beginners?”Jared makes a motion with his hand. “Won’t hurt asking, come on.”They head over to the rental place and meet up with the guy in charge. They explain they have never gone kayaking before and would like to know if they have some easy kayaks, especially for Jensen. The dude is pretty cool and helpful, he says that they have people with disabilities come to kayak, which is actually a great exercise for them. He asks Jensen how good his core strength and balance is, and Jensen says that since he has a low injury, he can sit up and control his trunk pretty well. The guy then gives both of them larger kayaks, explaining it’s easier to keep their balance with them since they have never done it before. He also gives them basic explanations on how to act if the kayak turns by any chance, and hands them life jackets. Jensen gets to the kayak first so he can test the balance, he transfers to the ground first and then with a hand around Jared’s neck he manages to move to the kayak and adjust his legs inside. The guy holds the kayak in place and Jensen tries to find his balance so the thing won’t tip over.Jensen asks the guy if he can store his wheelchair until he returns, who promises to keep it safe for him. Then he gives Jensen a paddle and he attempts to paddle forward. He’s terrified the thing will flip over and he will be trapped under it, but he actually manages to move forward without any problem. He carefully turns his body around to look at Jared, who’s smiling at him.“Come on, Jay!”The guy puts the other kayak in the water and soon Jared is inside it, carefully paddling and pairing up with Jensen.“Hey there! You like this?”Jensen nods. “Oh yes! It’s not hard at all actually. Wanna paddle a bit?”Jared nods and they move forward at a slow pace, Jensen feels glad that he is constantly working his arms out so he can handle paddling since it’s hard work. Jared and him move forward side by side over the calm water, and as Jensen looks at Jared right next to him, something tugs at his heart and he stops paddling for a moment. Jared notices it and stops too.“What is it? You tired?”Jensen shakes his head. “No. It’s just… it just hit me. You and I, right now. It doesn’t matter that you can walk and I can’t. It doesn’t make any difference here. There’s no advantage or disadvantage. We’re equals.”Jared smiles widely. “You’re right. This is something both of us can do the exact same way since only arms are required. I like that.” Jared’s smile turns into a smirk. “By the way, your arms look great when you’re paddling like this.”Jensen laughs, feeling the funk he was in melting away as he finds something he can do with Jared as equals. Something the old Jensen has never done before.“And it’s something only the new Jensen gets to do.”Jared wiggles his eyebrows. “The new Jared too.”Jensen chuckles and they start paddling again, Jensen feeling warmer as he really loves being in the water like this, feeling so free. They spend a good amount of time paddling in silence, always side by side, on the same eye level, and it’s the best medicine Jensen could have gotten.Eventually they call it a day and turn around to go back to the deck, and as they’re approaching it Jared suggests a race. Jensen lifts an eyebrow.“You sure you wanna get your ass kicked at yet another thing?”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “I’m gonna find something I’m better than you at Ackles. So come on, last one to get to the deck pays for lunch, 1, 2, 3 GO!”Jared paddles away and Jensen hushes to follow him, trying to paddle as fast as possible and not to burst out laughing. They manage to go side by side almost all the way, but at the last few feet Jared shoots ahead and beats Jensen to the deck. He lifts the paddle over his head with both hands and screams in joy.“HELL YES!!!! I don’t suck at everything, I finally beat you at something Ackles!! Got my rematch at last!”Jensen can’t help laughing at Jared’s victory dance that almost makes the kayak flip over. “You’re gonna fall in the water you doofus! And we’ll get a rematch in this soon, arms are my territory!”Jared barely pays attention to him. “Padalecki one, Ackles zerooooooo! I want steak for lunch, medium rare please!”
Jensen laughs harder and feels so happy inside. He knows he’s bound to have bad days in the future, but having Jared next to him, always treating him like an equal, is the only medicine he needs.*After getting back on the land they spend some time lying down on the blanket they brought, right by the water. They don’t go in the lake this time since the weather is getting colder and the water isn’t a good temperature, especially since Jensen has some trouble regulating his body temperature and he could have some problems. But it’s okay, the day is just perfect. They have lunch at a cool restaurant by the lake, Jensen honoring the bet and covering the whole tab. They also stop for ice cream before leaving and Jared pays for that.As they get in the car and Jared starts the drive, he squeezes Jensen’s thigh. “So I take it that you enjoyed kayaking?”Jensen nods. “God yes. Like I said, I felt just normal in the kayak, like there’s no difference between me and you. I mean, you beat me but only by a little, and me being paraplegic had nothing to do with it, the race was equal and any of us could have won. I can practice more and beat you next time.” Jared scoffs and Jensen goes on. “No, but seriously… I loved doing this. And also like I said, it’s something that the old Jensen never did. Not like basketball, which is something I’ll always compare, you know? This is something that belongs only to me. I don’t know what it's like doing it with two working legs. And it doesn’t matter.”Jared smiles fondly. “It belongs to the new Jensen only.”Jensen smiles back, feeling excited. “Exactly. It’s like I’m discovering new pieces of myself, pieces that didn’t exist before. And I truly like it. I’m feeling much better than I was. I mean, I’m not saying I won’t have bad days in the future…”“...which is only normal that you do, Jen. I’ll be there to offer comfort every time you need it.”Jensen takes Jared’s hand and kisses it. “Thanks Jay. It really helps having you with me during the tough times. And even more on the good times like today. I love it that we can do this together, something else we’re good at apart from basketball.”Jared wiggles his eyebrows and raises his hand. “The New Adventures of J-Squared in Kayaking?”Jensen high-fives him. “Damn straight!”A song comes up on the radio and Jared cranks up the volume, rolls both windows down as he takes the freeway, and both of them sing at the top of their lungs with a hand out of each window.
Baby you're a song
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise
Down a back road blowin' stop signs through the middle
Every little farm town with you
Baby you're a song
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise...
*
Jensen starts the new week feeling a bit more confident. Now that his funk has passed he decides he truly wants to play for the wheelchair basketball team. He did enjoy playing with the guys, plus it will be good to be among people with disabilities like himself, he knows it’s very important. But for that, Jensen needs to go back to college. He had already been thinking about it, he just needed some courage to do it, to face going back, the classes, the stares of people who used to know him as one half of the best basketball duo the university has seen. But Jensen knows he has to do it, he wants to have a future, to start something new.Jensen talks to Jeff, who tells him he talked to the board and they want to meet up with him to discuss his scholarship. Jensen decides not to tell Jared about it for now, he will do it after the meeting. It’s something he wants to do completely by himself, to show himself that he can do things even without Jared’s (or anyone’s) help. So during one afternoon, while Jared is at the clinic and Jensen doesn’t have an appointment there, he catches an Uber to go to the university and talk to the board. He feels very nervous going back, some people here and there look at him, clearly recognizing him, and a couple even greet him. Jensen tries to smile and be polite. He finally arrives at the office and is welcomed by an older man who motions for Jensen to get closer to the desk, and he sits on the other side.They talk for a while, Jensen explaining that he had an accident that left him paralyzed, that’s why he dropped out of college and the team. The man tells Jensen that Jeff had a talk with them and said they would like to have Jensen play for the team.“Would you like to return to the university as a student, Jensen?” The man asks, and Jensen nods.“Yes. With a different degree, actually. I used to study business but I only did it because of my father and so I could play basketball. Now I’d like to study graphic design. I love drawing, I’m good at it. And I’d like to make it a career now that well… that I can’t be a professional NBA player as I had envisioned. And I also would very much like to join the wheelchair team. I had one practice with them and I loved it, I’ve been practicing regularly with Jared, who’s still part of the regular team. And it would be of a great help to still have a scholarship. I don’t want to throw that card, it's just that being paraplegic has lots of costs and I wouldn’t be able to afford the full tuition. A partial scholarship would also help, I could work something out to pay for the rest.” Jensen still has his trust fund so he could use that if needed, even though he wishes he could save it for his future.The man nods. “Well Jensen, you already had a full scholarship here, and you were a good student as well as a great player in the team, the university is very grateful for what you did for the team. Of course we will still offer the full ride, you didn’t drop out by choice. It was an unfortunate circumstance and you’re more than welcome to return. Especially since you can still be of great help for the wheelchair team. You can enroll for the classes you need for the degree you want to get, and start whenever you want. Term has already started but you can catch up so you won’t have to wait months to return. I’m sure the professors can accommodate you.”Jensen lets out a breath and opens up a smile, shaking the man’s hand. “Thank you so much. I’ll go to the office so I can enroll in the classes right now.”*Jensen leaves the university when it’s almost time for Jared to be done at the clinic, so he decides to meet him there, maybe they can go grab something for dinner and Jensen can share the news. The clinic isn’t too far from the campus and Jensen just decides to wheel the way instead of catching another Uber. He wants to get more used to navigating on the streets and get past the discomfort of people looking at him.Jensen finally arrives at the clinic and feels tired with his shoulders hurting a bit, but he’s also happy that he made it. He waits next to Jared’s car, and soon enough his boyfriend walks out of the building, coming towards the car with his duffel hanging from one shoulder. He looks tired and a bit pensive, a frown on his face, and maybe even a little sad. Jensen feels a pang in his heart as he sees Jared like this.As Jared approaches the car and sees Jensen, his expression transforms. A smile spreads on his face and he looks at Jensen with surprise.“Jen, what are you doing here? You didn’t say anything!” Jared says as he leans down for a kiss.Jensen shrugs. “I was running some errands nearby and I thought I’d come over. Maybe invite you for dinner somewhere?”Jared frowns. “What kind of errands?”“I’ll tell you later. I’m in the mood for Five Guys. You in? My treat.”Jared nods. “Of course. Especially if you’re paying.”They get in the car and Jared drives away, Jensen just asks how his day was at the clinic and Jared briefly tells about his patients. Soon they arrive at the nearest Five Guys and get out of the car. They order the burgers and choose a table. Jared grabs their sodas and sits down in front of Jensen, who starts the conversation as they wait for the burgers.“Love, are you bummed about something? I saw how you looked kind of down when you left the clinic. Is something going on?”Jared stares at the cup in his hands and purses his lips. “It’s just… I’m thinking about my family. Thanksgiving is next week and it’s the first time I’m not going to spend it with them because my parents decided to be bigoted assholes. It’s just weird, that’s all.”Jensen takes Jared’s hand, feeling guilty. He has again neglected Jared’s feelings due to his own problems, Jared has just had a fallout with his family, mostly because of Jensen, and he forgot to pay attention to his boyfriend.“God, Jay… I’m sorry I haven’t been paying you the attention you deserve. I just get focused on my own problems and forget you suffer too.” Jared opens his mouth, probably to say it’s not a big deal but Jensen continues. “It’s a big deal, your problems matter too. I’m sorry you won’t be able to spend it with them this year. Maybe you could talk to your mom, you could still go to San An for Thanksgiving, you guys could talk. I’m sure she would have you there, despite everything.”Jared shakes his head vehemently. “I won’t go anywhere for Thanksgiving that you won’t be with me. This isn’t your fault Jen, it’s theirs. They don’t want me there with my boyfriend, so I’m not going. If they have a problem with me being gay and dating you, then I don’t have anything to be thankful for in their presence. And don’t feel guilty for focusing on your problems Jen, you have a lot going on. I know you’re on my side and have my back, that goes unsaid. I know you worry about me too. We can just make our own celebration. It won’t be as big as our families’, but I think we can do something cool.”Jensen nods. “I’ll check with Josh what Kelly and him are planning. They’ll probably go to her folks or something since I doubt he will go to my parents’, but if by any chance they won’t, we could do something.”“Cool.”Their burgers are ready and Jared collects them. As they eat, Jensen decides to share his news at last.“I have something to tell you.”Jared raises his eyebrows as he chews his sandwich. “Shoot.”“It’s about what I was doing before meeting you at the clinic.”“Okay…”Jensen bites the inside of his cheek, feeling nervous about sharing his news for the first time. “Well, you’re looking at the newest student of Graphic Design at UT Austin.” It takes a moment for Jared to process what Jensen just said, and his mouth hangs open with a piece of burger inside. “Jay, close your mouth. That’s gross.”Jared shakes his head and swallows down his bite. “What did you say?”Jensen shrugs. “I was at the campus talking to the board. They offered me my full ride back so I can study and join the wheelchair team. I already enrolled myself and start classes after Thanksgiving.”Jared gasps and shoots out of the chair, almost knocking his Coke over. “Holy shit, Jensen!!” He closes the distance and leans down to wrap Jensen in a bear hug, almost leaving him breathless. “That’s amazing!”Jensen holds him back just as tight, feeling emotional himself. As Jared finally releases him, he kneels down in front of Jensen. “How come you didn’t tell me you were going there? Or that you were seriously considering it? I would have been supportive.”Jared looks mildly hurt that Jensen didn’t tell him, a frown on his face as he gives Jensen his puppy dog eyes, and Jensen frames his face with a hand. “I’m sorry, love. I wanted to tell you, but it was also something I wanted to do completely by myself. I didn’t want anyone’s support or help, I wanted to face the challenge all alone at first. I knew it would take me much more courage if you didn’t know anything about it, and I wanted to face it head on. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do something completely alone, that I’m still good for something without anyone else behind me. Don’t be mad at me, please. You’re the very first person I’m telling about it, I literally just enrolled in the classes.”The uncertain look lifts from Jared’s face and he opens up a smile. “I understand, Jen. I see where you’re coming from and I’m so proud of you for deciding and doing this all by yourself. You’re gonna be great, you’re an incredible artist.”Jensen smiles back, feeling nervous. “It will be hard coming back to college, though. Just thinking about facing everyone, being in a class full of people, and probably some people that knew me from before, is terrifying. Also just going around campus and stuff. Putting myself out there again. I shiver just thinking about it.”Jared moves so he’s kneeling beside Jensen, and takes his hand. “It will be a challenge, Jen. Of course. It will take some courage from you. But you already took the first step and enrolled. I know you’ll be able to face this new challenge, always with your head held high. And you’re gonna join the team Jen, it’s gonna be awesome! I’ll make sure to get the seat nearest to the court for your first game with them. I’ll be there to cheer you on every step of the way. For games, classes and everything else.”Jensen lets out a breath. Knowing that Jared has his back is the most important thing. He pulls Jared for another tight hug. “I know love. Thanks a lot for this, it’s all I need. And I’ll always be there to cheer you on as well. Don’t forget that. I’m your biggest fan.”Jared hugs him tighter. “Back at ya. J-Squared is always the best team even in different squads.”*Jensen talks to Josh, who tells him he and Kelly had planned on going to her folks’ for Thanksgiving but they decided to travel last minute, and he definitely doesn’t want to go to their own parents’ house. So they have decided to just make a small dinner and were thinking about contacting Jensen to invite Jared and him. Jensen checks with Jared, who gives the okay for them to spend the holiday with Josh and Kelly.Donna also calls Jensen to check on him. He talks to his mother sometimes but hasn’t seen her in a while. She has invited him a few times to go to her house but Jensen declined so far, he doesn’t wish to risk seeing his father. She asks what he’s doing for Thanksgiving and Jensen talks about his plans with Josh. She claims to be sad that her kids won’t be joining them, but Jensen says that it’s Alan’s own fault. Donna says she misses him, and asks if they can meet soon, maybe so she can also meet Jared under better circumstances. She already knows they’re together and doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. Jensen promises that they can try and meet up after Thanksgiving.They go to Josh and Kelly’s early on Thursday to help with the preparations. Jared and Jensen are bringing a cheesecake for dessert, they managed to prepare it together and are very proud of it.Kelly and Josh greet them warmly, and they spend a good afternoon together. Everyone helps with the preparations, and Jensen enjoys feeling useful, knowing he can actively help with different tasks. He sets the whole table for dinner, making sure everything is placed accordingly and very neatly, and he’s proud of the set up. Of course it’s not a full Thanksgiving dinner since there are only the four of them and they don’t need tons of food, but they manage to prepare a nice meal.As they finally sit down to eat, Josh makes a small speech. “I want to thank you guys for being here today. And I want to say that I’m very thankful this year. We had a rough start with Jensen’s accident and injury, but I’m incredibly thankful that he’s still with us. I know we haven’t really talked about it, but it was a close call. The doctors didn’t give us much hope that Jensen would pull through. And I felt awful because I had been a shitty brother to you, Jensen. I didn’t want you to die thinking that I didn’t care about you. I’m so happy that you’re still here. I know it’s not easy for you, having to go through all of this especially being so young. But I know you’ll come out on the other side and have a happy life. I can see you’re already on the way there. You’re much different now than you were when you first woke up. I’m also thankful that Jared came along and clearly makes you very happy and has been helping you a lot. To sum up, this year more than anything I’m thankful for your life, for the fact that you’re sitting at this table with us.”Jensen feels himself tearing up with Josh words, who is also emotional. Jensen has never seen it this way, he never gave much thought to the fact that he nearly died. He often wished he had, when he felt so desperate with his new reality. But he looks around the table, seeing his brother who now is really his brother, his soon to be sister-in-law who he really likes and is starting to see as family. And most of all, he sees Jared.Jensen clears his throat. “This year hasn’t been easy for me, for obvious reasons. It will always be the year when my whole life changed, when I got wheels instead of legs. I used to see it as the year when my life ended. But I don’t see it like that anymore. I’m starting to see this year as a new beginning. I used to think that I wasn’t given a second chance when I had my accident, but this is clearly a second chance, to do things differently. So I’m finally thankful to be alive. I’m thankful that now we have a sibling relationship, Josh.” Jensen looks at Jared and takes his hand. “I’m thankful for you, above everything, Jay. You were the person who annoyed me the most. Who I couldn’t stand being near. And life is so funny that this is the year that I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, when you went from being an annoying teammate to the most important person in the world to me. You helped me in a way I could have never imagined. You became the person I didn’t even know I needed. So more than anything, I’m thankful for you this year. And also for us to be here together.”They all make a toast, four pairs of eyes shining with unshed tears, and finally dig in. As they eat, Jensen shares his news with Josh and Kelly.“I’m going back to the university next week. They offered me my full ride back and I’ll study Graphic Design. I’ll also join the wheelchair basketball team.”Josh opens up a huge smile. “Jensen, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you, you’ll be awesome at it! And please, when you have your first official game you need to let me know. I’ll make sure to be there to watch it. I can’t miss my little bro’s comeback!”Jensen smiles at him and nods. “I’ll let you know, don’t worry.”Josh also tells them how he’s in the works to start his own company, much smaller than their dad’s of course, but he has good knowledge to run a business. He has a couple of partners to invest in the company and he’s optimistic, they’re already closing some contracts. He also tells them how their dad’s company has lost some money and investors after Josh left, since he was one of the biggest responsibles to run the place, and looked for him instead. Jensen doesn’t feel bad hearing that, Alan is just reaping what he sowed.As they’re eating dessert - which both Josh and Kelly compliment - Josh brings up something else. “Jensen, I wanted to let you know that I’d like to be responsible for all the expenses regarding your disability.”Jensen frowns. “Where is this coming from?”Josh shrugs. “Well, I already told you the other day how I also feel guilty for what happened to you, I should have been a better brother. This is a small way to repair it, it’s the least I could do.”“Josh, this wasn’t your fault. Yeah, I blame dad for part of it but not you. You don’t have to do this. You’re just starting your company, and my SCI has lots of expenses.”“I truly want to. Not only because of that, but also because you’re my brother and it would be a way for me to help. Not only with money of course, I’ll be here for you as well. But money is important too. I do have some, I used to make a good amount working for dad and like I said, I’m already closing some contracts. I’m not short on money. I’d like to be responsible for paying your rehab, insurance and also everything else that you need on a daily basis. Just so you don’t have to worry about it and focus on your studies and new career. Please, Jensen. I really want to do it. I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t mean it.”Jensen looks at Jared questioningly, who just shrugs. “Well, catheters and stuff can be expensive, you know that. It wouldn’t hurt having a sponsor.”Jensen chuckles and looks back at Josh. “Okay then, I appreciate it. It would be nice saving some money anyway. Thanks Josh.”They spend the rest of the day at the apartment, talking, eating, and playing card games. It’s one of the best - or probably the best - Thanksgiving Jensen has ever had. He doesn’t have to deal with his father, he’s surrounded by people he loves and who love him. And it’s funny to realize that Jensen’s first Thanksgiving in a wheelchair is his best one so far.It’s good to finally realize that he’s actually thankful for having survived, and that he’s starting to look forward to the rest of his life, and stop looking back. With Jared by his side, most of all.Maybe Jensen can handle living in this body, after all.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
On Monday morning, Jensen is feeling very nervous. It’s his first day back at the university and he feels ready to puke. Jared has woken up earlier to prepare a good breakfast for them, claiming it’s a good luck breakfast for Jensen’s first day back at college. Jensen tries to eat as much as he can, but his stomach is rebelling.“You’ll be fine, Jen.” Jared takes Jensen’s hand and kisses it. “It’s a new challenge and you’re pro at facing challenges.”“I feel like everyone will be looking at me. I hate being the center of attention because of my wheelchair.”“I know love. I wish it could be different but it is what it is. People are just curious about what’s different. I also know you’ll get some different kinds of looks,” Jared smirks. “But you’re all mine, hear it? Should I have a t-shirt made for you with my face on it? I should.”Jensen laughs. “Don’t worry Jay. I know very well who I belong to. And anyway, people don’t really give those kinda looks to disabled folks.”“That’s what you think. Anyway, speaking of, I have a present for you.” Jared runs to the bedroom and comes back with a paper bag, handing it to Jensen. “It’s a good luck gift for your return.”Jensen takes the bag and reaches inside, coming out with a notebook. He turns it around and chuckles when he sees the cover. It’s the art he made of himself and Jared with the basketball uniforms.“Possessive much?”Jared shrugs innocently. “Just thought that art should see the light of day. Now you get to carry me everywhere with you. And also, if someone sees the art and asks about it, you can say you’re the artist and do commissions. You can kill two birds with one stone.”Jensen smiles and pulls Jared for a kiss. “I already carry you with me everywhere I go. That was a very Cheesy Wheelies thing to say, by the way. And I love the present Jay, thank you.”They finish breakfast and get ready to leave. Jensen stays quiet during the ride to campus, thinking about everything and trying to prepare himself. They finally arrive and Jensen gets in his chair, wheeling next to Jared who has a hand on his shoulder. At some point they need to separate because Jared’s classes are in a different building than Jensen’s, and Jared turns to him.“Want me to take you to your classroom for your first day?”Jensen snorts. “No thank you, mom. I can handle it.”Jared smiles and then turns serious. “You sure you’re gonna be okay?”“No. But I need to face this by myself. I need to get my life back on track and going back to college is a good way to do just that. I think I’ll live. As you often say, I have every right to be here just as everyone else.”Jared leans down and gives Jensen a hug. “That’s right you do. Never forget to keep your head held high. Good luck, love. I know you’ll be amazing at it. And if you need anything I’m just one call away, alright?”Jensen nods and they share a quick kiss. “I know. Thanks for everything Jay. Love you.”“Love you too. See ya in a few.”Jared walks away and Jensen wheels in the opposite direction, taking a deep breath and facing the music. He truly feels like a child on their first day of kindergarten or something. Wheeling through the halls he can sense some eyes on him just like when he came to talk to the board, and he tries to be polite and greet those who greet him. He arrives at the classroom and takes a few deep breaths before getting inside. Of course he catches some more eyes on him and he just gives a general acknowledgement. He manages to get settled on one corner of the room and soon the class starts. Jensen manages to calm down and pay attention to it. When it’s done he goes to talk to the professor, explaining he was just able to return to college and start the classes, and thankfully the guy is very understanding and promises to share the prior contents with him. The professor admits to knowing Jensen from the basketball team, and says it’s good to have him back.Jensen has a few other classes and they all go more or less the same way. He even talks a bit to some of his classmates, a few of them also recognizing him from the team and welcoming him back, and promising to help with the contents he has missed. There’s even one of the guys from the wheelchair b-ball team in one of his classes, and they chat a bit. Jensen tells the guy, Trevor, that he’s joining the team and Trevor welcomes him, saying he will be a great addition, and that Jensen can also hang out with them since it’s good to be around folks with disabilities for a change. Trevor is also in a wheelchair, and Jensen of course feels a connection. He knows it will be good for him to spend some time with fellow disabled folks, to share experiences and to relate to others, and to be among people who know what it’s like.All in all the day goes better than Jensen had anticipated, and he feels relieved. The first day is behind him and he survived, people stare at him of course, but at least they don’t treat him like a freak. He knows everyone will get used to seeing him around and the shock of suddenly seeing an ex-player in a wheelchair will pass, hopefully. Jensen messages Jared, telling his boyfriend he’s done and heading to the cafeteria. They had agreed to have lunch there before heading to the clinic. Jared says he is almost done and will be with him soon.As Jensen arrives at the cafeteria, he hears his name being called by a very familiar voice.“Jensen?”Jensen clenches his jaw and lets out a breath, turning his chair around and facing his ex-girlfriend for the first time since that fateful day at the hospital.“Hey, Danneel.”She clears her throat, clinging to the strap of her purse and looking nervous. “I didn’t know that you were back in the university.”Jensen shrugs. “I actually came back today. I started studying Graphic Design.”She nods, giving him a small smile. “That’s great, I’m happy for you.” She gives him a once over. “And how are you doing? You look good.”Jensen remembers Jared’s words and lifts his head higher, puffing out his chest and changing his posture in the chair as he sits with his back straighter, gripping his wheels tight. “I’m great, as you can see. Sitting down but I’m good, I got a nice ride here. I’ll be joining the wheelchair basketball team soon. I’m miles better than that day at the hospital when you dumped me ‘cause I became paraplegic. It hasn’t even been a year but I already came a long way. I dare say I’m better than I was even before the accident to be honest.”Danneel purses her lips, clearly feeling embarrassed but also trying to be charming. “Sorry about that, Jensen. I was confused, and it was too much of a change, I didn’t know how to handle it.” She takes a tentative step towards him. “But I can see you’re looking much better now. And it’s very cool that you’re joining the team, I’m sure you’ll be great at it.”Danneel gives him a charming smile and Jensen feels confused, not really understanding where this is going. He opens his mouth to reply, but at that very moment he hears another familiar voice, a much better one this time.“Hey Jen! I’m here!”Jensen looks to his side to see Jared approaching, an odd look on his face as he takes in the scene. He places a hand on Jensen’s back and leans down for a peck on his lips, then stands up again and faces Danneel with an arched eyebrow, who has eyes as big as saucers looking at them.“And you are?”Jensen tries not to laugh, Jared is just being a little shit. Of course he knows who Danneel is, he has seen Jensen with her many times in the past, he would even tease Jensen about her, and obviously Danneel knows that too since she lets out an indignant gasp.“I’m Danneel Harris, Jensen’s girlfriend, you know that!”Jared lifts up his index finger and gives Danneel his bitchiest face. “Ex-girlfriend.” A possessive hand makes its way to Jensen’s shoulder and holds tight.Danneel’s eyes travel to Jared’s hand and she lifts her eyebrows. “Well Jensen and I, we… I mean, are you two really together? I heard about it but I thought well…”“All the rumors are true, you can bet on it. Jensen is my boyfriend now. Do you have a problem with that or something?”Danneel blinks and her cheeks turn red. “No, it’s just… I saw him and I thought… I mean…”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “You thought what? That now that he’s doing well, will be joining the team, and will most likely be popular again, that you could get back with him?” Danneel stutters and Jensen is surprised to realize Jared actually hit the nail on the head from the look on her face. “Sorry dear but that’s not how it works. You ditched Jensen when he needed you the most, so you don’t get to come back now after he has finally gotten himself together and get him back. You lost your chance that day.”Danneel looks from Jared to Jensen, even the tips of her ears are red by now, and Jensen takes his chance. “Jared is right. You dumped me on the hardest moment of my life. Jared was there for me and helped me get my life back on track. There’s no space for anyone else in my life right now or ever, I’m very happy with Jared. It was good seeing you, though. Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to go have lunch. Come on, love.”Jared waves at Danneel and follows Jensen, never taking his hand off his shoulder. They silently grab their food, Jensen carrying the tray on his lap, and pick up a table. As they get settled, Jared finally speaks.“You good?”Jensen nods. “God, yes. I needed this closure. The fact that she has seen me now, much different than I was back in January, and even tried to get back with me, was definitely important. You were awesome by the way. I love a possessive boyfriend.”Jared chuckles. “Oh you bet I am. Nobody touches those wheels but me, mister.”Jensen caresses Jared’s hand. “I would never allow anyone else to ride these, anyway.”“Good. Okay now tell me how your classes went.” *Jensen keeps going to his classes and getting more comfortable with being around campus. Jared also convinces Jensen to start going to the campus’ gym with him, claiming it would be good for Jensen to work out harder than he does at rehab so he can gain even more strength in his upper body now that he’s gonna be playing again. Jensen agrees, he always worked out before the accident since he has always been an athlete, he even remembers the times he ran into Jared at this very same gym and how tense it was. But now of course everything couldn’t be more different and Jensen starts working out with Jared, who helps him choose the right machines and do the right exercises. It definitely comes in handy to have a physical therapist for a boyfriend, and Jensen feels good for going back to something he enjoys doing.A few days later it’s finally time for Jensen’s first practice as an official player on the UT Austin wheelchair basketball team. The practice is scheduled for the evening, and Jensen feels anxious. On the previous night he gets everything in his duffel since he has a full day of classes and rehab tomorrow. Jensen has started bringing his tablet to the clinic on the days he has rehab so he can get some work done as he waits for his sessions with Jared, now that his mornings are busy with classes. Jensen gets more tired than usual now with all those activities but he actually likes it, it feels good to be doing stuff, being active.Once Jared and he are ready for bed they lie side by side and Jared as usual scoots close to him, one arm around Jensen’s waist.“Nervous for your first official practice tomorrow?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. And excited. I’m mostly nervous because it’s a bunch of people I don’t know, and that’s always weird.”“Yeah but now it’s a bunch of people who also have disabilities. Don’t you think it will be easier? You know it’s good for you to be around people you can relate to.”“Yeah, I know that. And I’m excited for that part. I mean, I interact with folks at the clinic but I think this will be better. Maybe I can make new friends that are like me. I think I really need that, to not always be the odd one out. Hanging out with folks in wheelchairs will be good, I guess.”Jared nods. “I agree. But don’t get too close to anyone, hear me? Don’t forget you have a very possessive boyfriend back home.”Jensen chuckles and gives Jared a kiss. “You don’t need to worry about that. It would be too much of a hassle to date another paraplegic dude. Especially if we lived in a place with only one bathroom. That would lead to many fights. So I’d rather stick with you, you’re faster in the bathroom.”Jared rolls his eyes. “Haha. Very funny.”Jensen smiles. “You know I’d never trade you for anyone. Speaking of… would you come watch the practice tomorrow?”Jared frowns. “You sure? I thought you were trying to do things by yourself and the b-ball practice is a huge step.”Jensen shrugs with one shoulder. “Well yeah, I’m trying to do that. But I’d also really like for you to go, I already went to that trial practice by myself. I know I can be independent and do things by myself, but most importantly I want you there with me. You are the one who got me into wheelchair b-ball, who started practicing with me, who encouraged me. So it would mean a lot to have you there for my first official practice. I was thinking we could practice by ourselves a bit after I’m done with the team. What do you think?”Jared wiggles his eyebrows. “I like this idea of a date. And I’d love to come to your first official practice.”*It’s finally time to head to the court and Jensen is even more nervous but he tries to take some deep breaths. Jared drives him to the practice and both head together inside. They’re early so there are only a couple of players shooting some hoops on the far end of the court. Jeff is there with coach Beaver, who is the official coach for the team, and Jensen greets both of them, who welcome him into the team. Jensen goes to the locker room to get changed, and Jared stays talking to them. Once Jensen is done and comes back to the court, he finds Jared with the sports chair Jensen always uses, already waiting for him. Jensen really appreciates those small gestures.Jensen transfers to the other chair and Jared pushes his own out of the way. They keep making small talk as everyone else arrives and gets ready for practice. Coach Beaver gathers everyone on a semi circle around him, and Jared tries to escape to the bleachers but Jeff holds him in place. The coach introduces Jensen officially.“I’d like everyone to give a warm welcome to Jensen Ackles who has officially joined our team now that he’s back in the university. I’m sure he’s gonna be a great addition for us.”Everyone cheers and waves at Jensen, those closer to him pat his shoulders and back, and Jensen gives everyone a small smile.“Thank you for welcoming me. Basketball has always been a huge part of my life, I’ve played since I was a kid. It was hard when I had my accident and thought I had lost what I loved doing the most. I still miss jumping to dunk a ball but I’m ready to try a new way of playing, so basketball can still be a part of my life and I’m ready to give all of myself for this team and to be the best wheelchair b-ball player that I can be.” Jensen makes a motion towards Jared, who’s standing one step behind Jeff. “That is my boyfriend Jared, I asked him to be here today and watch my first practice. Some of you may know him already from the regular team, I’ve mentioned him when I came the other day and how I started practicing with him before coming to play with you guys. So Jared is pretty much responsible for my comeback, and I wanted him here with me.”Everyone greets Jared and the coach sends everyone to warm up. Jared blows Jensen a kiss and goes to the bleachers. The guys manage to put Jensen at ease again and start a light practice, once more so Jensen can get used to it. Then as Jensen gets more comfortable they start playing rougher, and Jensen manages to hold his own pretty well. He’s not as skilled as the older players but he’s pretty good and naturally talented, again managing to score a few times. All in all practice is very nice and Jensen feels pretty good. He can tell his teammates are great folks and he can see himself becoming friends with them. Once practice is over Coach Beaver congratulates Jensen, saying he played really well for someone who’s just starting and not even a whole year out of his injury. Jensen feels happy hearing that, and then he spends a few minutes chatting with some fellow players. They tell Jensen that they’re planning on going out after next practice in a few days, and he’s welcome to join them, as well as Jared. Jensen says he’s gonna try to be there.Everyone goes to the locker room and Jensen stays behind, Jared finally walking up to him. He has a huge smile on his face and gives Jensen a kiss.“That was awesome Jen! You played extremely well with them, it’s like you’ve been doing this for ages! You’re awesome!”Jensen shrugs. “Well, in a way I have. Practicing with you made me get comfortable with the game, and it has helped me a lot.”Jared bows before him. “It was my pleasure to be at your service.”Jensen chuckles. “The guys invited us to go out with them after next practice, if you’re up to it.”Jared nods. “I’d love to. But you can also go by yourself if you want to hang out with them without me. I promise I understand.”“I want you there, Jay. Yes, I want to get to know my fellow disabled teammates better so I can be more a part of this world and hang out with people like me. But I also would like for you to be part of it too. I want to join both of my worlds.”Jared smiles. “Of course I’ll be there then!”They start shooting some hoops as they wait for the others to go home, and everyone says their goodbyes as they leave the court. Jeff and Jim are the last ones to leave, telling them to take it easy. Jared grabs another wheelchair and they spend some time playing against each other which is always so nice.Before they wrap their practice Jared approaches Jensen. “Jen, I’d like to try something with you. You’ll probably call me crazy.”Jensen frowns. “You’re not thinking about having sex on the court, are you?”Jared chuckles. “No. But that’s not a bad idea now that you mention it. Anyway, not now. It’s something else.”“Okay, shoot.”“Well, during practice I kept thinking about how you said you miss jumping to dunk a ball. And I was thinking about a way to help you do that. Not dunking but at least jumping.”Jensen’s eyebrows shoot up. “How exactly are you going to make me jump? I can stand with the braces, but jump??”Jared unbuckles himself from his chair and stands up, motioning for his legs. “You can’t jump, but I can. I can be your legs for that.”Jensen doesn’t feel convinced in the slightest. “How?”“Come closer to the basket.”Jensen follows Jared, who pushes the chair he had been using and positions it a bit far from where they are, placing his phone upright on the seat of it, probably setting the camera to record what they’re going to attempt.“Are you making sure we get added to a ‘funny videos’ compilation?”Jared laughs. “Well, if everything goes well we’ll have something awesome to keep forever. If it doesn’t… then yeah, we can send it to funny videos.”“Oh God.”Jared licks his bottom lip. “Jen, you’re gonna have to trust me a lot with this one.”Jensen blinks a few times. “Okay…”“What I’m thinking is, I’ll carry you on my back and keep a strong hold on your thighs. I can bend forward a bit so you’re more secured on my back since you’re gonna have to use your arms to throw the ball as I jump.”Jensen’s eyes widen as he envisions Jared’s plan. “So basically you’re gonna jump with me on your back?”Jared nods. “That sums it up, yes.”Jensen feels a little fearful but also excited about trying it. “Okay, I’m in. But if you fall and crush me under you and I break my neck, you’re gonna spoon-feed me and wipe my ass forever!”Jared laughs out loud. “If we fall I’ll make sure to angle forward so you can land on top of me, promise. And I would totally do the airplane and also wipe your ass my darling. Sickness and health!”Jensen rolls his eyes but can’t help giving him an amused smile. “Fine, let’s do this.”They choose the best angle so Jensen can try the shot, and Jared positions himself in front of Jensen. Jensen holds the ball in his hands and Jared leans forward so Jensen can climb on him safely while keeping a hold of the ball. Jared places his arms under Jensen’s thighs and pulls him up, making sure to hold tight. Jared is pretty strong so he can keep Jensen securely on his back like this, always making sure to bend forward so Jensen won’t fall backwards.“Ready to jump, Ackles?”Jensen feels a great dose of adrenaline coursing through his veins and he rolls the ball in his hands. “Ready.”“Okay so prepare to shoot. Aim for the stars, baby.”Jared counts 3, 2, 1, and grabs impulse. He jumps as high as he can with the weight on his back, which is impressively high, and Jensen manages to shoot the ball exactly when Jared is at his highest point, both still working perfectly as they play together. The ball falls through the hoop and Jensen screams, feeling a wave of happiness exploding from inside of him as Jared manages to land back on his feet. “WE DID IT JEN!! THAT WAS A PERFECT JUMP SHOT!”Jensen can’t believe he just did a jump shot after his injury, with Jared making it possible for him. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and hugs him fiercely from behind, burying his face on the crock of his neck, his eyes getting moist with emotional tears.“I can’t believe I did this again. Thank you for being my legs, Jay. God that was amazing.”Jared carries Jensen to the bleachers, where his own wheelchair is, and carefully sits him down in it. Jared runs to get his phone and returns to Jensen’s side, sitting down on the bleachers. Jensen gets closer to Jared and wraps his arms around him again, not holding back his tears.“I have no words to thank you for this,” Jensen whispers in Jared’s ear, who holds him tighter.“We can always find ways to do things. I want to make you as happy as you can be. If I can be your legs so you can jump to shoot a hoop, then we’ll do it. We can do it everytime we come to practice. Of course it’s not a real jump to dunk a ball like you used to do, but…”“...but it means even more than when I did those jumps,” Jensen says earnestly. “It was completely a team work, it was totally J-Squared at its finest. We played so well together before, but nothing compares to us now.”Jared nods and Jensen can see how his boyfriend is also emotional. “You know…” Jared starts as he takes Jensen’s hand. “Right after I learned you had become paralyzed and I came to a practice, it felt all kinds of wrong. One because I was the only one who knew what had happened to you. But mostly because I thought we would never play together again. That J-Squared was only a thing from the past. And it rubbed me in such a wrong way. I hated realizing that. But now I see that I was totally wrong. J-Squared is more alive than ever, and I secretly like it much more now. Because our chemistry doesn’t stay only inside the court.”Jensen smiles at Jared, swallowing hard as his own emotions take over him. “Despite knowing part of me will always miss the way I used to play, I’m learning that I love this. I mean, I really like joining the team, and that I get to compete again hopefully soon. But my favorite part is actually practicing with you. I love it when it’s the two of us. And I’ll happily live with only this forever.”Jared smiles back and pulls Jensen even closer, wrapping a hand around his neck and closing the distance to whisper in his ear. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’d rather practice with you than with the team. It’s when I’m the happiest.”Jensen feels his heart beating rapidly, and he pulls Jared for a hug, no words needed. Once they break apart they decide it’s time to go. Jensen puts on a light jacket and they store the chairs in the storage room. As they reach the entrance of the court, they realize it’s raining mildly.“I can go get the car and bring it here so you’ll get less wet,” Jared suggests.Jensen almost agrees since he’s not a fan of getting his wheelchair wet. But the rain actually looks so inviting, and he feels so damn happy after what Jared gave him today, so he decides to be extra cheesy and also bold. He can always dry his chair later.“Hmmm I have a better idea.”Jensen wheels forward towards the rain, feeling how it washes over him, and he turns around to extend a hand to Jared.“Come on!”Jared smiles and gets on with the program, running towards him and taking Jensen’s hand, pulling him as he wheels one handed. They move together under the rain, turning their faces up and laughing. Jensen spins his chair so he’s facing Jared, and pulls him down for a kiss. He feels like he’s in a romance movie and he loves it.Jared takes one step further and dips Jensen’s chair, keeping a hold of the backrest with one hand and the other around Jensen’s shoulders. He panics for a second thinking he’s gonna fall backwards but Jared keeps a strong hold of him, almost lying Jensen down on the ground but keeping him safely in the chair. Jensen frames Jared’s face as they share an epic kiss, rain still falling freely on them, almost like a blessing, and Jensen doesn’t think he can be happier than this.As Jared straightens Jensen’s chair back up, he pulls Jared’s hand so he sits on his lap. Jensen starts wheeling both of them to the car and Jared wraps one arm around him, kissing his neck and face as they go.When they finally get in the car both are dripping wet, Jensen’s chair as well, and he knows the car will be all wet too. He tries to apologize to Jared, who just brushes him off and says it was totally worth it.Today was definitely one of the great days. *As they lie in bed later, after showering together and a heavy makeout session, Jared shows Jensen the video he recorded. Jensen smiles as he watches it, asking Jared to send it to him.“This video is amazing, I feel like showing it to everyone. It’s like coming full circle, doing something I loved doing but learning a different way to do it.”“You should post it on your Instagram then,” Jared suggests. “I’m sure everyone will love to see it.”Jensen thinks about it and has an idea. He searches for an old video of him and Jared playing together on the team, with Jared passing the ball and Jensen doing one of his famous dunks. Then he also searches for the one Jared recorded when he brought Jensen’s braces to the court so he could shoot the ball standing up. He makes an edit to start with the first video, then cut to the second one and finally to the one they recorded today, with Jensen on Jared’s back doing a perfect shot. Jared takes the phone from him and removes the sound from the video, adding a song to it and syncing the chorus with the video.
I'm unstoppable
I'm a Porsche with no brakes
I'm invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I'm so powerful
I don't need batteries to play
I'm so confident
Yeah, I'm unstoppable today
Jensen jokes that it’s very cheesy but he actually loves it. He really feels unstoppable at least today. He tags Jared in the video and adds a caption.
Always find new ways of doing the things you love, things aren’t completely lost when your whole life changes. In this case for example, have a boyfriend who has your back (or has you on his back) and who offers his legs for you to do a jump shot when you can’t use your own anymore. And maybe this new way of doing things means much more than the older one.
Jensen shows it to Jared, who smiles and gives him the okay. He posts it and Jared adds it to his stories too. Then they set their phones aside since both are pretty beat. Jensen sleeps very well after the emotions from today.
Jared
“I think your video on Instagram is a hit,” Jared says the next morning as they’re having breakfast. “It has almost a thousand likes, and lots of comments. I see many folks from college commenting and reposting it. People are saying you’re an inspiration, to never give up, and so on.”Jensen frowns and checks his own phone, his eyes widening as he realizes his post is pretty popular. “Wow. I never intended that, just wanted to share a special moment. I’m even getting new followers, wow.”“People like to watch this kind of stuff. It’s not pretty usual to see folks with disabilities sharing their lives on mainstream media. So people are interested, I guess.”Jensen nods. “Yeah, you’re right about that. I realized that when I got injured. I don’t see many folks like me on TV and stuff.”Jared has an idea then. “You should start posting more stuff. Share with people different things from your dailybasis. Like different things that you can do, things people don’t expect to see someone in a wheelchair do. Folks tend to see disabled people as those poor things who need help with everything. You totally should show another side of someone with a disability. That you are someone normal who does things differently. I think they’d like to see that.”Jensen frowns as he thinks about it. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. That could actually be kinda cool.”*A few days later as they’re having lunch before going to the clinic, Jensen brings something up. “I was thinking. You suggested a few months ago that I should do hydrotherapy as part of my rehab program. I have denied it so far but I think I’d like to give it a try. I’m getting more sore with the extra activities that I’m doing, plus I know it’s a great way to move my body and do exercises, I’ve been doing some research. I have been wary about going in the pool but I think I want to try it. Also as a way to overcome this… thing that I did there. What do you think?”Jared smiles, but feels a shiver as he remembers the fateful day when Jensen jumped into the pool, thinking that if he had just left the clinic Jensen probably wouldn’t be here. But he doesn’t share those thoughts with Jensen.“I think it’s great love,” Jared says as he takes Jensen’s hand. “Hydrotherapy is great for your kind of injury, it can definitely help your body a lot.”“Do you think I could do it with you?”Jared’s eyes widen. “Me? But… well, I’ve never done hydrotherapy sessions before. I only know the theory. Maybe you could be better off with someone more skilled.”Jensen shakes his head. “No but I’d like for you to do it. We could talk to the clinic and see if they allow you to do the sessions with me. Maybe with someone else supervising it. Please Jay?”Jared can’t deny Jensen anything anyway.*A few days later both are in the locker room changing into swimming outfits so they can start their first hydrotherapy session. Jared talked to the clinic and they allowed him to do the session with Jensen, there will be other professionals in the pool that can assist them if needed. They leave the locker room together and move to the pool. Jensen parks his chair right on the edge of it and looks at Jared.And Jared can’t do it.He is assaulted with memories from that fateful day, how he saw Jensen diving into the pool, almost exactly where he is now, and how Jared got so desperate. How he ran to the pool and jumped in, trying to get Jensen out, terrified that he was too late. Those endless seconds when he performed CPR, not knowing if Jensen would be alright. They weren’t even friends yet, and Jared was so afraid of losing Jensen. He almost lost Jensen.He starts shaking his head and walking backwards, away from the pool.“I can’t… sorry Jen but I can’t.”Jensen looks at him with a frown. “Jay, what is it?”“I… sorry, I can’t do it, I can’t get in. You should do it with someone else, it’s better. I need to go.”Jared turns around and storms out of the pool area, going back to the locker room. He feels his head getting dizzy, like his blood pressure is dropping. Jared sits down on a bench and leans forward, holding his head in his hands. It doesn’t take long for him to feel a hand on his shoulder but his head is still too dizzy like he’s about to pass out. Jared tries to open his eyes, he sees Jensen’s legs in front of him but they’re blurry, and he tries to say something but it feels as if there’s cotton in his mouth.“I… Jen…”Jared barely registers how Jensen places both hands on his shoulders and maneuvers him so he’s lying on the bench, pulling his legs up and rubbing a hand over his chest.“It’s okay Jay. Take your time, I’m here. It will be alright.”Jensen keeps murmuring those words while caressing his hair, and eventually Jared feels the dizziness fading a bit. He opens his eyes and blinks a few times, finding Jensen positioned right by his head in his chair.“Hey there.”Jared frowns. “What’s happening? Why am I lying down?”“You probably had a pressure drop and fainted. How are you feeling?”Jared takes a few deep breaths. “Better, I guess.”He notices someone else close, probably to check up on him, and Jensen asks for a glass of water. Jared tries to sit up and Jensen helps him. He manages to stay awake and crosses his legs in front of him so Jensen can wheel as close as possible. One of the therapists returns with the water, and Jared drinks it gladly. They’re left alone and Jensen rubs Jared’s thigh.“You okay?”“Yeah, I’m better now.”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “Wanna tell me what happened?”Jared purses his lips. “The pool. I saw you there on the edge of it and I was assaulted with feelings from the day you jumped in it. I was terrified, Jen. It was the scariest moment in my life, and we weren’t even close back then. I thought I would lose you. It just triggered me.”Jensen sighs. “I’m sorry I asked you to do the hydrotherapy with me, I didn’t think it could be hard on you. But Jay, what matters is that I’m still here. And I’m only here because of you. You literally saved my life that day, and I owe you everything. And don’t forget that everything started that day between us. Everything changed. We became friends that day, after bickering at each other endlessly. I see that day as a rebirth. My second rebirth, actually. I’m very thankful that you took me out of that pool, it was a turning point for me. I promise you I’ll never do that again. If I feel the darkness stronger around me, I’ll come to you. I’ll look for help. But I won’t take drastic measures. I love our life together, and I feel that I can do it, I can handle living in this chair. I want to live next to you, more than anything. You manage to turn on the lights in my life.”Jared smiles, his heart beating faster with Jensen’s words. “My Cheesy Wheelies.” Jensen chuckles and slaps his arm playfully. “No but… yeah, that was tough and I wasn’t prepared to feel such a strong reaction. But don’t apologize for asking me to do the hydrotherapy with you. I’m honored that you trust me, even if I’m not a professional yet. It means a lot.”Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand and gives him an earnest look. “Jay, I trust you with my life.”Those words are what make Jared heal, knowing how much Jensen trusts him. “Thanks, Jen. I promise I’ll do my best to give you the best treatment. Wanna go back?”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “You sure you’re up to do it today? We can reschedule it, Jay. It’s okay.”Jared shakes his head and slowly gets up, testing his balance and deciding he’s good. He excuses himself to go to one of the offices where they keep blood pressure cuffs, and Jared measures his. It’s back to normal so he feels safe to go back to the pool and especially to do the session with Jensen.He returns and gives Jensen the okay, and together they get inside the pool. Jared starts the session with Jensen, and he realizes it’s actually pretty nice. He can also tell Jensen loves it, his body moves much more freely in the water, just like when they went in the lake, and they’re definitely doing more sessions like this.“Thanks for helping me with my freakout,” Jared says as both relax in the pool after the session, Jensen holding onto a float.Jensen smiles. “You’ve caught me so many times when I needed you, I’m glad I was able to return the favor, I felt useful. And also to realize I can also catch you when needed, it’s a two way street. I’m still good at something.”Jared fights the urge to kiss Jensen, they don’t show any affections in the clinic, he just squeezes his hip underwater. “Jen, you’re amazing at many things. You’re incredibly strong. And brave. You don’t even realize how amazing you are. I’m lucky to have you.”Jensen smiles at him. “Feeling is completely mutual, my love.”*“Oh yes, right there please. A bit lower. Perfect.”It’s a few days later and Jared is straddling Jensen, who’s lying on his stomach on their bed, and he’s massaging Jensen’s shoulders. Jared has noticed how Jensen’s shoulders were more stiff than usual, and he managed to make Jensen confess that yes, he has been hurting more lately. Since Jensen has been more active, wheeling around for longer periods, especially around campus to go from one class to another, his shoulders have been paying the price (his hands are getting more calloused as well and Jared doesn’t hide the fact that he loves those hands). It’s common for people who use manual chairs to put a lot of strain on their shoulders. But it’s still recommended to use a manual chair instead of a power one if you can wheel yourself, since it’s a good exercise and a way to keep your body moving. But of course there are gadgets that can help with that, and Jensen is the one who brings it up as Jared applies pressure to his right shoulder.“One of those Firefly things would sure come in handy right now.”“Definitely. I told you about it that day at the lake.” The Firefly is an electric device that attaches to the front of the wheelchair, turning it into almost a scooter, and the person only has to push a button to go wherever they want. It’s perfect for long distances so you don’t need to push yourself over and over and put a lot of strain on your shoulders. Best thing is, it’s easy to attach and detach, so the chair returns to a normal chair in a few seconds. “It would be perfect for you to use around campus.”“Yeah, it’s also pretty expensive. I looked it up, it costs like a couple thousand bucks. I’ll try to save some money and hopefully soon I’ll get one.”“It would also be cool for when we travel somewhere together. It would make it much easier for you to get around during a trip.”Jensen gives Jared a one-sided smile. “You want to travel with me?”“Don’t play dumb, Ackles. Of course we will travel together. We need to see the world when we have money for it. I’ve never even been to Disney World. Only Disneyland but I was like five or six.”“Really?”“Yep. Disney World was too far away to make the trip, I guess. I’d like to go, at least back to Disneyland.”“You think I’d be able to go on rides at Disney and Universal? I don’t know how it works for paraplegics.”“We could research. But I think you can, I’ve read before that they’re pretty accessible. I’d love to go on a trip with you. And well, a Firefly would be a necessity for you to get around the parks all day long. Your shoulders would become dust if you had to wheel around.”Jensen caresses Jared’s calf which is the body part closest to his hand. “Or I can have my personal chauffeur push me around all day long.”Jared chuckles and leans down to plant a kiss between his shoulder blades. “I wouldn’t mind at all.”“No, but a Firefly would be much better. I’ll see about that. And I also need to learn what it's like to fly as a wheelchair user. It must suck, they make you sit on a very narrow chair and pull you along the aisle. I saw a few videos. Almost makes me not want to fly ever.”“But you’ll do it, won’t you? So we can go places?”Jensen nods. “Yeah, I’ll have to power through it.” They stay in silence for a few minutes until Jensen speaks again, changing the subject completely. “Did you always want to study physical therapy?”Jared thinks for a few moments. “I mean, not always. I never gave much thought about what degree I wanted, all I cared about was playing b-ball and becoming a pro. But I had to choose a degree, and I always liked this field. I thought it would be cool to work with professional athletes, prepare them for competitions. I mean, I never intended to make it a career or anything, but I definitely think it’s cool.”Jensen frowns. “If you wanted to work with athletes, why did you end up getting an internship at a rehab clinic?”Jared shrugs. “It’s what came up. I had just returned from Paris, I started my degree over there. I needed to start somewhere, needed to get experience. Also I needed money to pay the bills, especially with the apartment. A professor told me about the spot that had opened at the clinic, so I went for an interview. I won’t lie, I didn’t want to work there at first. But the money was pretty decent and I wasn’t in any position to choose. I went for it.”“And what do you think of the field now?”Jared smiles. “I learned how to love it. I had never given much thought about the rehabilitation part of the physical therapy. But after starting to work with it, seeing how important it is for patients… I’ve been able to make a difference in people’s lives, with different kinds of disabilities. To make their lives better, to help them recover, regain movements. It’s very satisfying to be part of their progress. I’m not in any rush to leave the clinic, I wouldn’t mind if they hired me permanently. Yeah, I still would like to work with athletes but I really love rehab. Plus, this internship is what brought us together. I’ll be forever thankful for it. I was definitely where I was supposed to be. Almost like heaven sent me that opportunity.”Jared finishes the massage and gives a hand for Jensen to turn around on his back, and he straddles Jensen’s thighs again as they look at each other, Jensen caressing Jared’s thigh.“I’m very thankful for that too. I was dreading going to rehab and thank God I chose the clinic you were working at. I started looking forward to going to rehab everyday so I could see you. And that was before our turning point. You were like the only bright spot on my day. And you’re very good at it, Jay. Not because you’re my boyfriend, of course I’m biased but you’re a great professional. I already thought that before we became friends. You’re deft and attentive and you know what you’re doing. You even put up with my grumpy ass and you never let our past interfere with your work. You’re very talented and I’m lucky to have you as my physical therapist. My plan of having you as my boyfriend worked so I can have therapy forever. Ha!”“You’re such a little shit!” Jared attacks Jensen, tickling his torso and armpits, causing Jensen to laugh out loud and pull Jared down into a headlock. It turns into a make out session of course, and Jared loves it how they go from a deep moment, to teasing each other to making out, all in less than a couple of minutes. It’s definitely what makes their relationship so awesome.*A few more days pass and things are going well. Christmas season has arrived and Jared is anxious to celebrate it. Jared and Jensen are going to spend Christmas in their apartment, since Josh and Kelly will go to her parents, and of course their friends will be with their families. Not that they mind, it will be awesome to spend Christmas together. Josh has contacted Jared to ask if there was something Jensen really wanted or needed, that he could give his brother for Christmas. Jared asked what the budget was, and Josh said he wanted to splurge with Jensen, especially after the rough year he had and to make it up for the past. Jared had an idea instantly, telling Josh exactly what would make Jensen’s daily life much easier, and provided a link for him to get it from. Josh agreed right away, promising to make the purchase and bring it to Jensen. Jared couldn’t wait to see Jensen’s face, and promised Josh to keep it a secret. Not that it would be easy, but Jared could try.On a Saturday about a week into December, Jared gets a call from his sister. He and Jensen are having breakfast, and Jared just lets it ring.“You won’t answer that?”Jared shakes his head. “No, not feeling like talking to her. I haven’t talked to my sister in a while. She has tried to call me but I haven’t answered, not since she sold me out to my parents showing them the kissing cam vid. Not that I wanted to hide, I put myself out there with that kiss, but I was upset that she was the one who showed them, instead of talking to me first. So I don’t know, I don’t want to deal with her.”Jensen only nods, and they resume eating their food. Not even a minute later Jared’s phone beeps. He picks it up and reads the message from his sister on the notifications.
Jared, dad had a heart attack. He’s in the hospital. Guess you should know.
“Oh my God.” Jared gets up from the chair and covers his mouth with a hand, his own heart skipping a beat.“What is it??” Jensen asks with a worried voice, and Jared shows him the message. “Oh shit.”“What do I do?” Jared feels himself tearing up and Jensen takes his hand, positioning himself in front of Jared.“Call your sister, first of all. Get all the information she has.”Jared feels his hand trembling, so Jensen takes over. He pulls Jared down so he’s sitting on his lap, and grabs the phone. Jensen finds Megan’s contact and calls her, putting the phone on speaker.
“Jared?”
Jensen rubs a hand over Jared’s back while holding the phone, and gives him an encouraging nod.“Hey… hey Meg. I’m here. Sorry I didn’t answer, I’m sorry, it’s just–”
“Jared, it's okay. Doesn’t matter now.”
“How is he?”
“We’re not sure. I’m at the hospital with mom, Jeff is on his way. He collapsed in the kitchen and they brought him in. Seems pretty serious.”
Megan sounds teary, and Jared feels like someone is squeezing his heart. “Oh God. I’m coming over, it will take me a couple of hours. I’ll be there. Which hospital is he at?”Megan gives the name of the hospital and Jared promises to be there as soon as he can. Jensen hangs up and sets the phone aside. Jared can’t help the tears and Jensen pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around him and offering comfort.“God Jen, what if my dad dies?” Jared asks in a small voice, sounding almost like a child.Jensen keeps rubbing a hand over Jared’s back, and kisses his temple. “I’m sure he will be fine, Jay. You’ll see. They’re taking care of him.”Jared nods and pulls away, wiping his face with his hands. “I… I have to go to San An. I need to be there. I’ll probably be gone for a couple of days, I don’t know.”Jensen grabs Jared’s biceps and gives him a pointed look. “Jay, what are you talking about? I’m coming with you.”Jared frowns. “You are? But Jen, you don’t need to. I mean, there have been those issues with my family, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around them.”Jensen rubs a hand over Jared’s bicep. “Jared. Listen to me. This isn’t about me, or about what your family thinks about me. I’m not going there because of your dad. I’m going to support you, I’m your boyfriend and I love you. You’re always there for me, I’ll be there for you now. I don’t care what they think, or even if they mistreat me, I’m tougher than that. I just want to be by your side during this difficult moment. Unless you don’t want me there.”Jared shakes his head vehemently. “Oh God, no! I mean yes, I definitely want you there with me! I just meant it because I worry about how they will treat you.”Jensen gives Jared a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I can take it, I promise. Now, let’s go pack so we can get on the road.”They pack a few things and Jensen decides to also take his shower bench since he doesn’t know where he will be showering, and it’s a good thing the bench is foldable and doesn’t take much space. As they are ready to leave, Jensen gets Jared’s attention. “Jay, are you okay to drive? We could call one of our friends and see if they can drive us to San An. I’m so sorry I can’t drive yet love, I wish I could help more since your head is so full right now.”Jared shakes his head and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Jen. I can do it. I feel level headed enough. Now let’s get going so we can be at San An as soon as possible.”They get in the car and Jared leaves Jensen in charge of his phone just in case Megan or his mother calls. He takes a deep breath and starts the drive to San An, praying for his dad to be fine. He feels how Jensen places a hand on his thigh and leaves it there for the ride, feeling so thankful to have his boyfriend’s support to go through all of this.Jared knows the next days won’t be easy but at least he’s not alone, and Jensen’s strength is what guides him.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
They make it to the hospital in San An and Jared parks the car. Jensen gets in his chair and together they go to the reception, Jared asking for his dad’s name. The receptionist sends them to the fifth floor and they head to the elevators. They ride in silence, Jared keeping a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, and Jensen covering it with his own hand. Jared feels so nervous, both about his dad and also seeing his family for the first time after they learned he’s gay.They finally get to the right floor and Jensen wheels out of the elevator first, keeping his distance from Jared as they go in the direction of the waiting room. But Jared is having none of it and he decides then and there he won’t hide their closeness. So he does what he almost always does when Jensen and he are going side by side, he places a hand on his upper back. Jensen looks at him with an eyebrow raised in question, Jared simply nods and they keep going.Jared spots his mother and both siblings sitting in the waiting room, and all of them look up as they approach. Jared notices how his mom’s eyes linger on Jensen for a moment too long, and Jared feels bothered by it. He stops in the middle of the room and his family all get up from the chairs, taking a step forward, but Jared stays where he is with Jensen by his side.“Hey darling, glad you could make the trip,” his mother says but Jared makes no motion to greet her.“How is dad?”“They’re still monitoring him, he’s in the ICU and they’re doing a catheterism to decide what’s the best treatment. We’re just waiting for more news on him, they haven’t allowed us to see him yet. Maybe soon.”Jared nods. “Okay good. By the way, this is Jensen, my boyfriend. He came with me for support. We’ll just sit over there and wait for news on dad.”Jared directs Jensen to a row of chairs away from his family. Jared sits on the last chair of the row, and Jensen positions himself right next to him. Jared suddenly feels exhausted and drained, all the events catching up to him. His dad in the ICU, having to drive all the way to San An hoping he wouldn’t get bad news during the ride, seeing his family under this tension of them learning he’s gay and having a problem with his boyfriend. He leans forward and buries his face in his hands, feeling his strength leaving him as his eyes fill with tears.Jared feels two hands on his shoulders, and Jensen pulls his body closer to his. Jared goes immediately, he turns to his side and throws his legs over Jensen’s lap so he can scoot even closer. Jensen holds him tighter, Jared rests his head on his boyfriend’s chest, and lets him offer the comfort he needs. Jared is often the strong one, but it feels good to be comforted too, to allow himself to collapse. Jensen keeps rubbing his back up and down, burying his lips on Jared’s hair, kissing it and murmuring sweet nothings. Jared remembers his own words to Jensen months ago in the car, and he exhales, supporting all his weight on Jensen.“I got you Jay, it’s okay. It will be okay.” Jensen whispers into Jared’s hair, and Jared is so incredibly grateful that Jensen came with him because he really needs the comfort right now.They stay in silence for a while, Jared still resting on Jensen’s chest, and eventually Megan and Jeff approach. They sit across from them and Jared straightens up, taking his legs off Jensen’s lap but holding his hand. Jensen keeps his other hand on Jared’s back.“Mom went in to see dad,” Megan offers in a low voice and Jared nods. She turns to Jensen and offers a small smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Jensen. Wish it was under better circumstances.”Jared can’t hold his tongue and scoffs, despite the delicate situation. “Well, I was planning for you guys to meet him under better circumstances, like Thanksgiving. I was going to tell you guys that he’s my boyfriend in a gentle way. But you went and showed mom and dad the video before that and we were uninvited.”Megan’s cheeks turn pink and she lowers her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jare. It wasn’t my intention to cause drama. I acted on impulse, I saw the video and ran to mom to show her without thinking, I thought they already knew, probably you had come out to them and I was out of the loop. I should have thought better and talked to you first. I made a mistake and I’m really sorry, Jare. I tried to explain but you weren’t answering me. Not that I blame you,” she’s quick to add. “I screwed up.”Jared lets out a sigh and Jensen strengthens the hold on his hand. “Yeah, well. It’s done already, no point staying mad over it forever I guess. And I was actually more upset with their reaction. I mean, I can even understand the shock of learning I’m gay. I never had the courage to tell you guys because I know how narrow-minded they are. But what hurt the most was how mom was so ableist towards Jensen. She was already disrespectful when I told her my roommate was in a wheelchair. And then she seemed more upset over the fact that my boyfriend is paraplegic than that it’s actually a boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve this. You guys don’t know the story between Jensen and I. I don’t care if he’s in a wheelchair or not, I love him and that should be enough. He’s my boyfriend not hers. I didn’t even want him to come with me today because I was afraid of the way you guys would treat him. But he chose to come support me anyway and risk being disrespected by you people.”“I’m sorry about this Jared,” his brother speaks for the first time. “I didn’t even know all of this was going on until I came home for Thanksgiving and you weren’t there. Mom told me briefly what was going on. I was intending on giving you a call to talk about it but I got too busy with everything and I didn’t. I’m sorry about it.”Jared purses his lips. “Well, the only thing that matters to me now is how you feel about me dating Jensen. Both the fact that I’m dating a guy and he’s disabled.”“It’s okay Jared, I promise,” Jeff says earnestly. “I already suspected you may not be straight but I didn’t want to say anything in case you were having problems with it. I don’t care about it.” Jeff looks at Jensen and addresses him directly. “Jensen, I know I can’t speak for my parents but I’m sorry for the way they treated you. I guess they’re too old fashioned in some aspects, especially in their views of people with disabilities. I’m sure you must be a great guy if my brother is dating you, and I can see you’re anything but someone helpless and who needs pity from others. At least on my end I’m totally okay with it, and I’d love to get to know you better and spend more time with my brother.”Megan nods. “My words too.”Jared feels a wave of relief with Jeff’s words and Megan’s agreement, and when he looks over at Jensen he finds his boyfriend offering a smile to Jeff. “Thank you, Jeff. That means a lot. It will be great to get to know you better too.”They wait for some moments in silence, and Sherri returns with red-rimmed eyes. “They’re doing a bypass surgery on him. They think it’s the best way to go and they’re taking him to surgery in a few moments. The doctor said you can see him for a couple of minutes before he goes."Megan and Jeff get up immediately, and Jared looks at Jensen. He wants to go see his dad but he’s also worried about him staying alone with his mother while they go in. Jensen simply takes Jared’s hand and kisses it.“Go see your dad, love. I’ll be here waiting.”Jared swallows hard and nods, getting up and following his siblings. They’re told to wash up and put on protective gear before getting in the ICU. They find Gerry on the bed, he’s awake but looking extremely weak. He smiles when he sees their children, his eyes on half mast.“Hey kiddos. Sorry for the bother.”Jared sniffs and takes his father’s hand. “Of course we would be here, dad.”“Did you come alone?”Jared shakes his head. “Jensen is with me. He’s in the waiting room.”Gerry smiles again. “Not a good way to meet the in-laws, huh?”Jared’s heart skips a beat as his dad is apparently okay with him having a boyfriend, but that’s a subject for later. “Well you need to be okay soon so you can meet him.”Gerry nods and talks briefly with Meg and Jeff, then the nurse comes to kick them out. The three of them kiss their father and as they leave the ICU Jared feels drained. He knows heart surgeries are always dangerous and he’s afraid the worst may happen.They go back to the waiting room, Sherri is by the window talking on the phone and Jensen is right where Jared left him. He sits next to his boyfriend, who takes his hand.“How is he?”Jared shrugs. “Looking very weak and fragile. He’s going to surgery now, and I’m scared.”Jensen pulls him to a hug, kissing his temple. “He will be fine, love. We’ll be here waiting and everything will be fine.”Jared pulls away and nods as Jensen wipes his tears. “How was it? With my mom?”“She didn’t talk to me, she just started making phone calls. She gave me a look that I interpreted as her being embarrassed of talking to me after the things she said to you. But it’s okay Jay, do not worry about that right now. I told you, this isn’t about me. It’s about you and your dad. It’s fine. She also has a lot on her plate, her husband is in surgery. If it was you in there I wouldn’t be caring about much else.”Jared nods and they settle down to wait for the surgery. Jeff and Megan sit close by and Sherri keeps her distance, but Jensen was right, she does seem a bit embarrassed of Jared and Jensen, and he can see how she keeps sneaking some glances at them. Jared doesn’t have the energy to deal with this right now so he just lets it be.About an hour later Jensen frames Jared’s face with a hand to get his attention. “Love, I’ll go get something for us to eat, okay? You haven’t eaten anything in a while.”Jared purses his lips and leans into Jensen’s caring touch. “I can go, Jen.”Jensen shakes his head. “No. You stay right here. Lemme take care of you, alright? I can go get food by myself.”Jared lets out a sigh and nods, leaning forward and supporting his elbows on his thighs, lowering his head. Jensen squeezes his shoulder and wheels away. He returns about fifteen minutes later, parking his chair right in front of Jared. He has two wrapped sandwiches on his lap and a large cup of soda in the cup holder attached to the frame of his chair.“Hope you don’t mind sharing the soda, I only had one cup holder.”Jared smiles and takes one of the sandwiches. “It’s okay, Jen. Thank you.”Jensen places the cup on the empty seat next to Jared and they eat mostly in silence. Jared doesn’t feel like eating but Jensen quietly coaches him into finishing everything. Jensen offers him the rest of the soda to wash everything down, and then collects all the trash. Jensen pulls Jared’s head forward and places a very tender kiss to his forehead, once more framing his face as he pulls away.“I’ll go get rid of the trash and also find the adapted bathroom ‘cause it’s my time to go. Be right back, okay?”Jared nods and smiles at Jensen, giving him a quick peck on the lips, not caring who’s seeing it.“Kay. Thank you Jen. Love ya.”“Love you right back.”With that Jensen wheels away and Jared is alone for a few moments until his mom sits next to him.“Hey baby. We haven’t had a chance to talk.”Jared lets out a breath. “Well, I’ve been here this whole time. Sorry if you have a problem with Jensen being here, but he came to offer me support since he’s my boyfriend.”Sherri places a hand on Jared’s shoulder and he tries his hardest not to shake her away. “No, it’s not that, sweetie. I’m sorry about that. I… well…”Jared turns to her. “Mom, can we not do this right now? I guess we both have a lot on our plates at the moment, let’s just focus on dad being okay after the surgery. Okay?”Sherri nods and kisses his temple. “Of course baby. I’ll give you space right now. I’m sorry.”She leaves his side to sit further away and Jared feels like shit for treating his mom like this but it was stronger than him. He leans forward again, his head low, and takes some breaths. Jensen returns after a while and without even saying anything he pulls Jared to him, wrapping his arms around him. Jensen is Jared’s fortress right now and he’s so grateful his boyfriend came along.Another hour passes and Jared feels so tired, like all this waiting is draining him. Jensen leaves again, just saying he will be right back. When he returns, Jared sees him wheeling at a slower pace, balancing a plastic tray on his lap with five cups of coffee on it. Jared fights the urge to get up and go help Jensen, instead he just watches as his boyfriend stops next to Megan and Jeff, handing them two cups and his siblings thank Jensen with smiles. Then Jared’s eyebrows shoot up as Jensen goes towards his mom, who is sitting a bit further away, and hands her a cup too. Sherri has a surprised look on her face, but she gives Jensen a small smile and Jared can see how she lowers her eyes and thanks him for the coffee. Jensen returns to Jared’s side and gives him a coffee too, taking the last one to himself and setting the tray on an empty chair. Jared smiles and takes his hand.“Thanks for taking care of all of us.”Jensen nods and squeezes his hand. “It’s no problem, love.” *About another hour later the doctor appears and tells everyone the surgery went very well, and hopefully Gerry will make a full recovery. Jared feels relief washing over him and he feels Jensen taking his hand as he sits a bit behind Jared, who’s standing on a semi circle with his family listening to the doctor. He also says that if everything goes well Gerry gets to go home pretty soon and will have to follow all doctor’s orders.They all thank the doctor and he leaves, telling Sherri she may be able to see him in a while after he returns to the ICU. Jared moves to the chair he had been sitting on and Jensen follows him, pulling him to a hug.“I told you Jay, he will be fine.”Jared nods and buries his face on Jensen’s neck. “Thank you, Jen.”They pull apart and Jensen places a strand of hair behind Jared’s ear. “What do you wanna do? Want to stick around?”Jared lets out a breath. “I don’t think so. There’s nothing to do here today, they will probably only let mom see dad for now. I think I want to get some rest, I’m pretty beat. And you need to stretch your body as well. Wanna go see if we can find a hotel to crash tonight?”Jensen nods and Jared gets up, going towards his mom who is talking to his siblings. “Mom, Jen and I are taking off. I’m pretty beat and Jensen has been in his chair for a while now, he needs to change positions a bit. We’re gonna go find a hotel to spend the night, kay? We’ll be back tomorrow, and please call me immediately if anything changes.”Jared turns to leave but Sherri grabs his wrist. “No, wait.” Jared turns around with an eyebrow raised. “No need to go to a hotel. You have your bedroom in our house, you know that.”Jared purses his lips. “Yes, but Jensen is with me. You can’t expect me to drop him off at a hotel by himself while I go to our house.”Sherri shakes her head. “No dear, of course I wouldn’t. What I mean is… well, you can both stay there. You have a queen bed, you would be comfortable there.”Is Jared hearing correctly? “You’re suggesting that me and Jensen spend the night in my old room? Together? You’re okay with that?”Sherri nods fiercely. “Yes, baby. Please go. I don’t want you two in a hotel. Just… just go. It’s okay, I promise. Well I mean, there’s the steps to get to the porch but hopefully it’s manageable for him?”Jared studies his mom for a little while longer and finally nods. “Yeah, okay. And I can help Jensen with the steps if needed. Thank you.”Jeff takes a step forward. “I think I’ll go with you guys since Meg is staying with mom until they allow her to see dad. I had a night shift and I haven’t slept in ages. I could use some sleep.”Jared just nods and goes tell Jensen about the change of plans. His boyfriend is surprised. “You sure she’s okay with it, Jared? I don’t want to upset her by disturbing her house with my chair or anything.”“She said it’s fine Jen. She asked us to please go. And the house is one storey, so all the rooms are on the first floor. There’s only a basement but we don’t need to go there. Oh and there’s a small flight of stairs to get in the house, but it’s pretty manageable, I can give you a hand if needed.”Jensen shrugs. “Okay then.”They leave with Jeff, and they get separated in the parking lot as they go get their respective cars. Jared and Jensen of course take longer to leave since Jensen has to transfer to it and his chair needs to be stowed. But by the time Jared drives out of it, Jeff is waiting for them just outside. He follows his brother home, Jensen keeping a hand on his thigh the entire time. Jared doesn’t feel like talking and Jensen senses it.They finally arrive at his parents’ house and Jeff tells Jared to park in front of him so it’s easier for Jensen to access the path to the house. They all get out of the cars and Jared grabs their duffels from the trunk, leading Jensen to the house. When they get to the flight of stairs Jared turns to him.“Jen, do you want help going up? What is the best way to do this?”Jensen watches the stairs and shakes his head. “I think I got it. I want to try going up by myself.” Jared nods and Jensen positions himself, his back to the stairs as he grabs the rail on his right side. “Stay in front of me please?” Jared knows that Jensen doesn’t have much practice with stairs, he has been working on it at rehab but it's a hard level for wheelchair users.Jared nods and positions himself right in front of him. “Of course.” Jeff takes the duffels Jared is carrying so he has his hands free.Jenssen holds firmly onto the rail and crosses his left arm over his body, grabbing his right wheel, the one closest to the rail. He pops a wheelie with his chair, pulling himself up with his right arm at the same time as he pushes the right wheel backwards, moving up a step. He needs to repeat the process on all steps, it takes a while and Jared can imagine it’s pretty draining, but he’s glad to see Jensen conquering it by himself. He makes sure to stay right in front of him at all times in case he loses his balance and falls forward, but he manages the whole flight of stairs flawlessly and soon he’s on the porch. Jared squeezes his shoulder.“Great job.”Jeff is patiently waiting for them, and opens the door so both can get inside. Jensen wheels into the house but stops immediately. He looks up at Jared with an apprehensive look. “Could you maybe grab a rag or something? My wheels are a bit dirty and I don’t want to stain the floor.”Jared nods right away, he won’t even argue because he knows Jensen is traumatized by his father. He makes a motion to go but Jeff holds up a hand. “I got it.”Soon he’s back with the rag and Jared cleans Jensen’s wheels despite his weak protests that he can do it. When it’s all done they move inside, and Jared takes Jensen to his old bedroom.“Welcome to teen Jared’s bedroom,” he says as he makes a motion with his hand.Jensen chuckles. “Nice. Like the b-ball posters.”“You can stretch in my bed, I’ll go get your shower bench.”“Thanks Jay.”Jared makes a quick trip and soon he has set up the bench in his bathroom. He’s lucky enough to have an ensuite bathroom, which will make things easier. He returns to the bedroom and joins Jensen on his bed, after kicking off his shoes and getting rid of his jeans.“Never imagined I’d have a hot guy in bed with me like this.”Jensen chuckles and pulls his face closer for a kiss. “I’m glad to be here with you. Now you should get at least some sleep, I say this with love but you look like shit.”Jared snorts. “Appreciate your honesty.”Jensen maneuvers Jared so he has his back to him, and pulls him closer to his chest. He wraps an arm around Jared’s torso and kisses the back of his neck. “Get some rest, Jay. I’ll be here.” Jared doesn’t even have to be told twice. With Jensen all around him, he’s asleep in seconds.
Jensen
They nap for about an hour, Jensen wakes up first but it doesn’t take long for Jared to stir. Jensen asks how he’s doing and Jared says he already feels a bit more rested. Jensen also asks if he doesn’t want to sleep longer but Jared’s answer is his stomach rumbling.“I think I’m hungry.”Jensen chuckles. “Oh tell me something new.”They get up and go take a shower, Jared chooses to sit on the bench next to Jensen and allows him to clean him up since he’s obviously still pretty drained. Once both are dry and have changed into more comfortable clothes they head to the living room, finding Jeff there watching a game on TV.“Did you get some sleep?” Jared asks and Jeff nods.“Yeah, just woke up like five minutes ago.” Jared sits on the other couch and motions for Jensen to join him. “Meg called, they’re arriving in about half an hour.”Jared lies on the couch with his head on Jensen’s lap, over a cushion. Jensen places a hand on his chest, rubbing it lightly and caresses his hair. “We should order something to eat,” he suggests. “Jared is hungry of course, and I imagine your mom and sister will be too.”Jeff nods. “I could eat something as well.”“Pizza okay?” Jensen asks as he fishes the phone out of his pocket. Jared and Jeff agree and Jensen opens the app to place the order, they decide to get three pizzas for the five of them. Before the pizzas arrive, Megan and Sherri do. Jensen feels apprehensive again as he always is when he’s close to Jared’s mom. She’s a question mark to him. Jensen isn’t even expecting anything from her right now since her sole focus should be her husband, but he’s still wary.As she enters the living room Jensen can see how her eyes linger on the scene there, how Jared is lying on Jensen’s lap, she also zeroes in his hand on Jared’s chest and his fingers carding through his hair. It’s hard for Jensen to read her expression, but she doesn’t seem angry or uncomfortable. More like she’s taking everything in.“How’s dad?” Jeff asks and Jared turns on his side so he can see his mom.“He’s doing good, tired but good. If he spends the night well, he may even be released tomorrow or the day after at the latest.”“That’s awesome,” Jared says.“Have you guys eaten anything? I’m starving,” Megan asks.“Jensen just ordered pizzas for us. Should be here in a few,” Jeff says, and Jensen sees the look of surprise on Sherri’s face.Sherri and Megan excuse themselves to go take showers, and soon the pizzas arrive. Megan grabs sodas from the fridge and they all sit on the couches to eat, Jared glued to Jensen’s side. They don’t speak much, Sherri is particularly quiet, but she keeps sneaking some glances at Jared and he. As they finish eating she quietly thanks Jensen for the pizzas, and Jensen just nods. After collecting the trash she excuses herself and goes to her bedroom, and soon Jared and Jensen call it a night too. As they lie in bed, again Jensen spoons Jared. Both are asleep within minutes, still pretty drained from the busy day.They wake up the next morning and go through their morning routine. Jared patiently waits for Jensen to be done with his bladder program before leaving the bedroom and Jensen appreciates it, since he feels a bit weird in a house that isn’t his.“Let’s go see if there’s something we can make breakfast with,” Jared suggests before opening the door to the hallway. But as they move to it, they’re assaulted with delicious smells. “Oh thank God someone is already making breakfast,” Jared cries. “God bless whoever it is.”Jensen chuckles and follows Jared to the kitchen. They find Sherri at the stove, apparently placing the final touches on deliciously looking scrambled eggs.“Morning boys,” she says as they approach, even giving Jensen a tentative smile. “Thought we could use a nice breakfast. Hope you’re hungry.”Jared smiles widely. “Hell if I am!”“Always the growing boy even if you’re already 6’4!” Jensen jokes.“I can’t help it if I got tall genes. You’re just jealous ‘cause you’re a midget, Ackles.”Jensen rolls his eyes.“Manners, Jared. Why don’t you boys go sit at the table? I’m bringing the eggs and Jeff and Meg should be here any second.”Both nod and Jensen follows Jared to the table, which is all set for five people. Jared nudges Jensen and points at one of the seats.“Look.”Jensen looks at the place Jared is pointing at and finally sees it: there’s a chair missing at one of the spots.“This is usually my seat,” Jared says quietly as he places a hand on the chair next to the empty spot. Both look at each other knowingly, understanding very well what’s happening. Sherri removed the chair next to Jared’s seat - he can see said chair pushed against the wall - meaning it’s clearly Jensen’s place so he can park his own chair at it. And right next to Jared’s.This is definitely Sherri saying a whole lot without words and Jensen is deeply touched. They get settled on the table and everything looks amazing. There is a plate full of pancakes with three kinds of syrup on the side, another plate with bacon strips, one with toasts, tater tots, a jug with apparently freshly squeezed orange juice, a pot of coffee, two jars of jam, butter, and Sherri is still finishing the eggs. It looks like Jensen is in a hotel and he gives Jared a look with widened eyes. Jared shrugs.“In the Padalecki house we like to feed people properly. Get used to it because apparently you’re part of it already.”Jensen feels strangely warm inside. He already knows Sherri wants him here, she asked for them to stay at the house instead of going to a hotel, and made sure his place at the table was pretty clear. So maybe there’s hope that things will work out. They seem like very decent people, and it’s probably like Jeff said yesterday. Jared’s parents aren’t used to being around someone with a disability and they have a very old fashioned view of it. They probably assumed that since Jensen is a wheelchair user, he was someone helpless and ill. They much likely pictured him in a big, clunky hospital wheelchair, imagining that Jared would become Jensen’s full time caregiver and have to push him around all the time, and Sherri maybe is realizing that’s not the case after meeting Jensen in person. Jensen is willing to put everything behind him, he has had much worse at his own house, with people who share his blood. He has never even had this, a mom to cook such an amazing breakfast table like this one.Sherri comes to the table carrying the eggs and places them on it, they look ridiculously delicious.“You boys can dig in, I know my son’s good manners don’t extend to when he’s hungry.”Jensen laughs and looks at Sherri earnestly, extending the olive branch. “Mrs. Padalecki, this all looks delicious. I’m all ready to dig in and try everything.”Sherri smiles warmly at him, her expression different for the first time. “Oh it’s no problem dear. We love to cook here and I thought we could all use a good breakfast after yesterday. And please call me Sherri, okay? Mrs. Padalecki makes me feel a hundred years old. Which I am most certainly not!”Jensen smiles back and nods. “Definitely not. And okay, thank you Sherri.”‘Okay you boys get started and I’ll see if your siblings are ready,” she says and honest to God squeezes Jensen’s shoulder before leaving.As she is out of earshot, Jensen turns to Jared. “Wow, wasn’t expecting that.”Jared smiles. “I guess you were right when you said she looked regretful. I think she changed her mind about you now that she met you. I hope it’s real, and that my dad accepts us and you as well. I still hope she apologizes to you, tho. The things she said weren’t nice.”“It’s okay, Jay. If she changes her attitude towards me and accepts us, I’m already happy. Plus her cooking this awesome breakfast for us and even removing the chair for me, clearly stating it was my place at the table, already counts as an apology.”Jared shrugs. “Yeah, but still.”They start eating and soon Megan and Jeff join them, Sherri takes the seat at the head of the table. They eat in silence for a while until Jeff breaks it.“So, are we all going to the hospital? You think dad is getting released today?”“Well I am,” Sherri says. “You can come if you want. And hopefully he will, let’s see.”They finish breakfast and everyone pitches in to clean up the kitchen and fill the dishwasher. Then Jared and Jensen go get changed and soon they’re all ready to go to the hospital. Jensen has to get down the stairs in front of the house, and he’s again a bit apprehensive. It’s hard work to go up and down like this, but he wants to do it by himself, wants to start getting used to it. He positions himself with his back to the steps, quietly asking Jared to stay behind him in case he loses his balance and falls backwards. Jensen uses the rail again for support, holding it with his left hand, and holds his right wheel on a firm grip as he pulls it backwards, going down step by step. He knows Jared’s family is watching him, which is one more reason for him not to screw up. He finally makes it all the way and joins everyone else close to the cars.“We should take only two cars since it’s five of us and we’re all coming back here anyway,” Jeff suggests and Jared turns to Sherri.“Mama, you wanna come with me and Jensen? I mean, if you don’t mind sharing the backseat with his chair. But I thought you could come. If you want.”Sherri nods and smiles at Jared. “Sure baby, I’d love to.”They all go to Jared’s car and Jensen gets to the passenger seat. Jared stows the chair making sure it’s taking only one side of the backseat, and Sherri sits on the other side. Jared takes the driver’s seat and they follow Jeff’s car. Jensen doesn’t place a hand on Jared’s thigh as he usually does when they’re in the car, but Jared is having none of it as he grabs Jensen’s hand and holds it over the console.They ride in silence for about two minutes and it’s not completely comfortable. Eventually Sherri decides to break it.“So baby, how’s college going? You’re still at the clinic right?”“It’s good, mom. I really like studying physical therapy and I’m doing very well. I’m also at the clinic, yes. Jensen is actually my patient there.”“Oh really? And is he doing a good job, Jensen? You can be honest.”Jensen chuckles. “He’s horrible, I asked for them to give me someone else but they refused.”“HEY! Don’t embarrass me in front of my mama, please.”Jensen laughs. “I’m kidding Sherri. Jared is an amazing professional even if he’s just an intern. He has been helping me a lot in my recovery.”“That’s good. Is there a chance that you’ll be able to walk again?”“Mom.” Jared says in a warning tone, but Jensen squeezes his hand.“Jay, it’s okay.” He turns his face around to look at Sherri. “No, Sherri. The doctors didn’t give me much hope. I had a spinal cord injury and that’s usually something permanent. Of course there are cases but it’s pretty rare, sadly it’s not like you see on TV where there’s always a miracle cure. I’ve been regaining some functions on my lower body, they say the first two years after the injury are the most important ones to determine how much you’re going to recover. I’m almost at the one year mark. Hopefully I can recover some more during the next year. But it’s highly unlikely I’ll walk again like I used to, unless they ever find a cure for SCI.”“Oh.”“He walks with braces at the rehab center mom,” Jared chimes in. “It’s pretty cool, he looks like a robot. But even when he’s standing up he’s still not as tall as me. Ha.”Jensen sees Sherri smiling at them. “That sounds nice.”They soon arrive at the hospital and the conversation ends. Jensen is glad they had it though, they’re getting to know each other and Jensen is willing to share more about himself and his story with Sherri since she seems open to it.Jared parks the car on a disabled spot and Sherri watches closely as Jared sets up the chair and how Jensen gets in it. They join Megan and Jeff and everyone goes inside, then wait for a while until the doctor arrives. He lets them all know that Gerry spent the night well and is now in a regular room and out of the ICU. He also tells them that Gerry will go through some exams and if everything checks out, he may go home later in the day. Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand, he can tell how his boyfriend is relieved.Sherri asks if they can see Gerry, and the doctor gives the okay since he’s out of the ICU. Gerry will soon be taken for the exams so they might as well go now. The doctor leaves after giving them the room number and Jensen pulls Jared’s hand.“You go in, love. I’ll wait here for you guys, okay? Take your time.”Jared shakes his head but it’s Sherri who speaks. “Oh no, dear. You come in with us. You need to meet Gerry anyway.”Jensen frowns. “You sure?”Jared pulls Jensen’s hand. “Of course she is. You’re part of this family too. Let’s go!”Jensen nods and follows the four of them, again feeling apprehensive at meeting Jared’s father. That seems very intimidating. Sherri opens the door and they all follow her inside. Jensen can see Gerry on the bed, and he’s awake. He stays behind as his family all greet him, taking turns to hug and talk to him. Jensen feels immensely happy that Jared’s dad is still alive and will be fine in no time. He’s definitely not a fan of hospitals but he can endure it for Jared especially with a happy outcome.Once everyone has talked to Gerry, Jared holds up a hand towards Jensen. “Jen, come meet my dad.” Jensen swallows hard and slowly wheels forward, joining Jared next to the bed. Jared places a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Dad, this is my boyfriend Jensen.”Gerry gives Jensen a weak smile and extends a hand. “Hello Jensen, I’ve heard nice things about you. It’s nice to finally meet you even though the circumstances aren’t the best ones. Thank you for coming with Jared all the way here.”Jensen shakes Gerry’s hand and returns the smile. “It’s my pleasure, sir. I’m very glad that you’re doing okay. And I’d never leave Jared alone in a difficult time like this, of course I’d be here.”Gerry nods. “Oh call me Gerry, no ‘sir’ bullshit here, please boy.”Jensen nods back. They all chat for a little while until Gerry is taken away for the exams, and they all sit on the small couch and armchair in the room.“If dad is coming home today or even tomorrow we should get some healthier food for him, maybe cook something nice for when he arrives. I’m sure he’s craving some good homemade food,” Megan suggests and they all agree.Jensen has an idea then. “Well if it’s okay with you guys and Jared, he and I could go do some grocery shopping to get some healthy food for Gerry, and if he’s really released today we could cook a light meal for when he arrives home.”Jared smiles and kisses Jensen’s hand. “I think it’s a good idea.”Sherri agrees and thanks them, and soon both take off to go to Whole Foods to get stuff for Jared’s dad.“Damn, my dad will just love to eat rabbit food now. Man just loves some good raw steaks and potatoes on the side.”Jensen chuckles. “He will survive.”Jared smiles. “I’m so happy that things are going well between you and my family, Jen. It's going much better than I expected and I’m glad you came.”“Me too. I’m surprised with their reception but happy. In one day they have treated me more like family than my own parents.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand. “You can borrow my parents if you want. I don’t mind sharing.”They arrive at Whole Foods and spend some time going around the store and choosing all kinds of healthy food for Gerry. When it’s time to pay for everything Jensen splits the bill with Jared, and tunes out his protests. They drive home and Sherri calls Jared’s phone. He asks Jensen to answer it, and Sherri tells him that all the results were good and the doctor is releasing Gerry today, they will be home in an hour or so. Jensen assures her they will have the food ready by then, and shares the good news with Jared, who’s excited to hear about his dad coming home.They unload all the groceries and Jared has to carry everything since Jensen needs to get through the task of climbing the stairs again. At least this time it’s a bit easier than the first, Jensen is being able to find his balance more and improve his skills. After getting inside and cleaning up, they spend some time unpacking and putting all the groceries away, and setting aside what they’ll use now. Then it’s time to start cooking, they prepare lemon garlic butter chicken thighs in the skillet and also a good assortment of steamed vegetables. When they’re almost done Megan calls to let them know they’re on the way, and Gerry already claimed to be starving.Jensen spends some time setting the table for everyone while Jared finishes the food. Soon everyone arrives and Jared runs to meet his father and give him a hug.“It smells good here! Like real food!” Gerry says as Jared releases him.“Jensen and I prepared a meal for us. With healthier stuff since you need to start watching what you eat better, mister.”Gerry rolls his eyes as Sherri takes him to wash up, and they all do the same. Soon everyone sits at the table and Gerry says a few words before they start eating.“Just want to say I’m thankful for being here today, and for God giving me some extra time down here since that was a close one. I ended up realizing some things and I’m ready to change some old habits and beliefs. I’m also thankful to have my family all gathered here today and also that I got to meet Jensen. I’m happy to have you here too, son. We can talk some more later but only after we eat since I’m starving and the smell is killing me!”Jensen swallows down a few tears that threaten to form, listening to Gerry call him ‘son’ so soon, without even knowing him much, was almost too much for him when his own father doesn’t treat him like his son. Jared apparently senses it and squeezes Jensen’s hand under the table for a moment. They eat mostly in silence, everyone just praising their cooking skills and thanking both for the meal.After lunch Sherri asks if Gerry wants to lie down but he claims he doesn’t want to go yet. He wants to enjoy the time he has with his family all here since his children are leaving soon, so everyone goes to the living room. Sherri says she can take care of the cleaning later.They all get settled on the spacious couches, and Jensen transfers to one of them, Jared sitting next to him and holding his hand. Gerry asks Megan and Jeff how they’re doing and they spend some time talking about their lives, Jensen listening intently. Then Gerry turns to them.“What about the two of you? Why don’t you tell us more about your lives? I know you used to play together for the team since I remember seeing Jensen on the court with Jared.”“Yeah, we used to be teammates,” Jared starts. “Not very close tho. Jensen was a pain in my ass. Still is actually. But I like him now.”Jensen rolls his eyes. “It’s because you were annoying. Still are.”“Anyway. Things were not great between us until I went to Paris. While I was there, well…” Jared looks at Jensen biting the inside of his cheek, and Jensen carries on.“While Jared was gone I had a car accident and ended up in a wheelchair.”They all stay silent for a few moments and Gerry speaks. “What happened exactly? I mean, is it okay to ask? I don’t know the etiquette for that, sorry. Don’t want to be rude.”Jensen purses his lips. “It’s okay, Gerry. I well… I was irresponsible. I enjoyed racing, and I also enjoyed drinking. And unfortunately I enjoyed combining both. One day it didn’t go well, I blacked out during a race and crashed the car, it flipped over a few times. I was in a coma for a while and sustained a spinal injury, meaning I was paraplegic.” Jensen lowers his head, focusing his gaze on their joined hands. “I know I was reckless and should have known better. I know I’m responsible for this,” Jensen motions for his legs and chair. “But I promise I learned my lesson. I know it was my fault and I’m dealing with the consequences of what I did. I’m not the same person anymore, I promise. I just don’t have any way around this new condition, unfortunately. I wish I had but I don’t. Anyway… despite not getting along with Jared at first, he was the person who helped me the most, and not only as my physical therapist. He has been vital for my recovery, especially mentally. We became friends and got closer and closer until… well.”Sherri scoots forward on the couch and looks intensely at Jensen. “Honey, you don’t need to explain yourself like this. We understand it was a mistake, I’m sure you didn’t do it on purpose. To me it’s pretty unfair having to pay the price your whole life for something you did once, especially you being so young and only starting your life, it’s a pretty huge weight to carry. And I want to apologize for the things I said to Jared about you. I don’t know if he has told you what I said, I have no idea what possessed me to be so rude like that.”Jensen nods. “He did. I was right next to him during that phone call after you saw the video of us kissing. I mean, I can understand a bit. Most people aren’t used to being around someone with a disability, especially someone in a wheelchair which is a very obvious one. I’m not gonna say that it’s easy to have someone close to you who’s paraplegic. I joke with Jared that I’m high maintenance. You saw how much of a hard work it is just to get up and down the stairs in front of your house. It’s not easy for me and not just physically. Today as we came back from the grocery store, I couldn’t help Jared carry things inside because I had to go up the stairs, and I kinda feel like shit about it even though it’s just a fact of life. Jared often says to me I need to stop worrying about things I can’t control, that it’s not my fault that I’m disabled and there are things I can’t do, things I can’t help others with, things I need help with, things I need to adapt, etc. But sometimes it’s hard. I’m very new at this, this time last year I was walking. I’m only eleven months out of my injury and it doesn't come with a manual. So it’s a long process, it never even crossed my mind I could be in a wheelchair someday, especially so young, we never imagine something like this happening to us. I’m still figuring out who the new me is. And I get it’s hard for those close to me. I also get that it’s hard for a parent to accept that their child is with someone that has a disability, it’s not what they envision. You may think I’ll always be dependent on him, but I won’t. Jared isn’t my caregiver and even if he was, it would be his choice. But I can do almost everything by myself, and I’m with Jared simply because I love him. I promise I’ll always do my best to be someone worthy of him, and I hope you guys can see it as well. As an equal to your son, someone who loves him deeply and just wants to build a life with him.”Silence follows Jensen’s speech, and Sherri gets up to sit on the other side of Jensen. She takes his hand and holds it between hers.“Honey, I’m so so sorry,” she sniffs and Jensen can see she has tears in her eyes. “You’re right, I judged you before I knew you. We have these old fashioned views, I had a whole other idea of you. But after getting to know you, everything changed. The way you came with Jared to support him, especially knowing the things I had said and choosing to come anyway, even risking being mistreated by us. I watched you two closely at the hospital. How you comforted my son, how you got him to eat, even bringing coffee to all of us. You ordered pizzas for us yesterday and today you also suggested making that delicious lunch. I see how you took the lead since Jared was more fragile because of what happened, and I was very pleased with what I saw. I realized you’re a very strong man who sadly had a misfortune in life. I see how you clearly make my son happy. I’m not gonna lie, Gerry and I also had these old fashioned views about a man dating another man, but we can’t deny that it’s obvious you two love each other and are so good for each other. And I guess we ended up realizing life is pretty short, we don’t want to lose our son. It hurt us that he wasn’t here for Thanksgiving. I wish Jared had been honest about this, but I understand why he wasn’t. I’m ready to accept the fact that you two are a couple, and also accept you as part of this family. I see Jared chose well, Jensen. You’re an amazing young man who’s still fighting and getting your life back after a tragedy. I don’t know much about you, but I can see you’re pretty admirable. Can you forgive us for what we said before?”Jensen swallows hard and can’t stop a couple of tears from falling down his face. He is overwhelmed with Sherri’s acceptance, both of them. It’s much more than his own parents ever gave him. He can totally let go of the past if it means Jared’s family is ready to welcome him with open arms. So he nods. “Of course I forgive you. We all make mistakes, I have my own share of them.”Sherri smiles. “Can I give you a hug?”Jensen nods and soon he’s engulfed in Mama Padalecki’s arms. Jensen pretty much melts in her embrace, feeling the motherly love that he hasn’t really felt in so long. Soon he feels Jared pushing himself against his back, joining the embrace as well, and Sherri hugs both of them. When they finally break apart, Jensen can see that everyone has tears in their eyes.“I guess I’m officially an honorary Padalecki now, huh?”They all smile and Jared hugs him from behind. “Until you become one officially.”Jensen turns around and lifts an eyebrow. “I hope this is not a marriage proposal yet, Padalecki. One thing at a time, we’re only twenty-two!”There’s laughter all around and Gerry slowly gets up from his armchair, claiming he needs to lie down. He stops right next to Jensen, and takes his hand. “I’m glad to have you as part of our family, son. Come over anytime you want.”*Jared and Jensen leave on the next day, mid morning, bringing a ton of food that Sherri has packed for them, claiming they need to eat more homemade food. The rest of their time in the Padalecki’s house was pretty quiet, Gerry has been getting lots of rest and Jared also had some alone time with his father. Sherri surprisingly has taken Jensen under her wing, apparently. They even had a couple of talks just the two of them, mostly when Jared was with his father. They didn’t talk much about deeper things, Jensen has chosen not to share about his own family yet. Maybe soon he will. But they talked about other random things, Sherri even asking more things about Jensen’s paralysis since it’s something new to her, and Jensen had no problem sharing if it means she is accepting him.She was very sad to see them leave, Gerry too. Both of them walked Jared and Jensen to the car, despite their protests that Gerry should be resting, and patiently waited for Jensen to get down the stairs. Before they got in the car, Sherri got their attention.“Would you two consider coming for Christmas? We would love to have you here. You don’t need to answer now, just think about it. Please.”Jared nodded before hugging his mom goodbye. “We will think about it mom. Promise.”Both Sherri and Gerry had hugged Jensen goodbye too, and he felt warm all over.“I’m so happy Jen,” Jared says as he drives, Jensen as always with a hand on his thigh. “Happy that my dad is well. Happy that everything worked out the best way possible. They love you Jen, I’m so happy.”Jensen smiles, he’s relieved on Jared’s behalf too. He knows how bothered his boyfriend was with this whole situation with his family, so it’s a blessing that everything worked out fine in the end. “Me too. In a couple of days they accepted me more than my own parents. I mean, I know my mom loves me but she doesn’t care enough. She never did. Sherri has been more of a motherly figure in two days than Donna has been in my whole life.”“You’re part of my family now, Jen. Like I told you, your parents may be dicks, especially your father. But you can totally adopt my parents from now on, and I’m sure they’ll love to adopt you too.”Jensen feels a wave of happiness taking over him. He can be part of Jared’s family, they accept him now. Maybe he will finally learn what it's like to be truly loved by parents, especially by a father.Jensen wasn’t expecting yet another plot twist in his life, he was ready to be insulted and talked down by Jared’s parents, and in reality he got a new family that seems pretty awesome.“A new family doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I’m all in for being a Padalecki. Now that’s something I never thought I’d say.”Jared laughs and kisses Jensen’s hand. Life has its ups and downs but it can also surprise you in a very good way. The guy sitting next to Jensen in the car is a prime example of it.
To be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
Some days pass after they return from San Antonio. Jensen can see how Jared is happy about their visit and the turn of events, how his parents accept their relationship and Jensen. They have talked and decided to go to San An to spend Christmas there, they had previous plans of spending it just the two of them but things have changed. Jensen could tell that Jared wants to go, especially since he wasn’t home for Thanksgiving. Jensen won’t lie, he wants to go as well. Now that he knows the Padaleckis really like him, he’s looking forward to spending a nice Christmas with them. In his own house the Christmases they used to have weren’t that exciting. Yes, his parents always threw a party, having the cook prepare the meal and also decorating the house at its finest. But Jensen never felt real love in any of those celebrations. More like they did it because they had to. Jensen hopes it’s different with Jared’s family.Jensen finally meets up with his mother, he has been postponing it but he knows he can’t do it forever. Donna has invited Jared and him to go have lunch with her at her house, Josh and Kelly have been invited too. Jensen denied at first since he didn’t want to risk meeting Alan, but Donna assured him that Alan is in Seattle for a business trip so there’s no risk of him arriving. Jensen checks with Jared if he would come too.“Love, I’ll come if you want me to, you know that. I’ll always be there for you for whatever you need. If you say it’s okay and that your father won’t be there then of course we should go. It’s your mom despite everything. Plus your brother will be there too.”So a couple of days later they go to Jensen’s former house. He feels weird being here, like he’s not really comfortable in his skin. Especially after moving in with Jared and finally feeling like he belongs somewhere, that he really has a home. Jensen can’t help remember the abuses he suffered from his father here, and he’s so thankful that Jared offered him shelter.Josh and Kelly are already there when they arrive, and when Jensen and Jared go inside they find everyone in the living room. Donna gets up and walks to Jensen, giving him a hug and saying she has missed him. Jensen hugs her back but he can’t help thinking that it doesn’t have the same warmth as the hug Sherri gave him.They break apart and Jensen motions for Jared. “Mom, you know Jared already. But I’d like to introduce him as my boyfriend now.”Donna also gives Jared a quick hug and soon they all move to the dining table. There’s of course a nice meal prepared by their cook, and Donna starts asking how he has been. Jensen briefly tells her what’s going on, and she seems pleased that he has returned to college. Jensen also tells her he joined the basketball team again.“Oh, you’re still into basketball, honey?”Jensen lifts an eyebrow. “Of course I am, mom. Why wouldn’t I be?”Donna shrugs. “Well, I just assumed that now that… well…”Jensen lets out a breath. “Me becoming paralyzed doesn’t mean I stopped enjoying my favorite sport. There’s something called wheelchair basketball. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, it’s in the Paralympics and stuff.”“Well yes, of course I have.”Jared chimes in as he takes Jensen’s hand under the table. “Jensen is a great player, Donna. He’s doing very well in the team and will probably start playing in the official matches soon. You should come to watch Jensen’s first game.”Donna makes a face. “Yeah, I’ll see. I have a very busy schedule on weekends, and I know the games are usually on weekends, aren’t they? But I’ll try, baby, I promise.”Jensen is suddenly not that hungry anymore. He lets Josh and Kelly do the talking, and Jared keeps a firm hold on Jensen’s hand, which helps ground him. Donna also asks what they’re doing for Christmas, and Jensen says they will be going to Jared’s parents since they invited both of them.“I wish you would come here baby, Josh and Kelly won’t be here already… it’s going to be so empty without both of you.”Jensen huffs. “Sorry, mom. But I refuse to be in the same room as Alan, especially at Christmas.”Donna purses her lips and tsks in disapproval. “Now come on, Jensen. You need to end this rift with your father. It has gotten old already.”Jensen raises his eyebrows. “If he treated me with respect I could think about it. But apparently that’s impossible for him. He hates me mom, you need to accept that. Especially after my accident.”“I think you’re exaggerating, Jensen.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand so hard it’s almost painful, but it really helps him not to explode with his mother.“You know what, mom? We need to go. I have basketball practice soon and I can’t miss it. Josh and Kelly can stay and make you company.”Donna frowns. “So soon, Jensen? You two have barely arrived!”Jared gets up from his chair. “Yes Donna, sorry. But Jensen’s coach hates it when the players are late, and he just scheduled this practice yesterday. So we need to get going. Thank you for having us for lunch.”Donna relents and follows them to the door, giving Jensen another hug and saying they should meet again soon, and Jensen just nods.“Sure mom. We’ll see. Okay so, Happy Holidays since I don’t think we’ll see each other so soon. Bye.”Jensen quickly gets in the car and Jared stows his chair in record time. He takes the passenger seat and grabs Jensen’s hand again, driving away. Jensen stares out of the window for a few moments, trying to swallow down some tears.“Why are they like this, Jay?” He asks while still looking out of the window. “Why don’t they care about me enough? Why do you get parents that love and support you and I get parents who don’t care about me? I keep wondering what I did wrong. If I ever had a kid I’d love them so much, I’d do anything for them. And even… even if they made a mistake like I did. I’d forgive and help them. My mom was there in the hospital, she kept visiting me in rehab. I do know she loves me. But I feel like it’s not enough, you know? And it became even clearer after my injury. The only person in my family I feel that truly cares about me is my brother. But my parents… isn’t a family supposed to love you no matter what? Especially during your hardest time? But she keeps belittling my feelings, as if I’m exaggerating when I talk about how my father treats me. Why won’t she believe me?”Jensen can’t help a tear from escaping, and as Jared parks the car in front of their apartment, he kills the engine and pulls Jensen to a hug after unbuckling their belts.“I’m so sorry Jen,” Jared whispers in his ear. Jensen lets Jared hug him for a while, and as they break apart Jared frames his face with a hand. “I don’t have much to say about that. I guess not all parents love us unconditionally. Or fail to demonstrate it. You did nothing wrong, love. You’re an amazing guy, they are the ones to blame. It’s not your fault that you have shitty parents who don’t care enough about you. Just like your accident and injury aren’t your fault.”“She still doesn’t care about going to my games, Jay. Even after I almost died and got paralyzed forever. Not even that is reason enough to go see her own son starting over. They never cared, not one bit. I’m going to play again after everything that I went through, and that’s not reason enough for her to cancel a meeting with her socialite friends. I feel like both are embarrassed of me now. As if their perfect family image got ruined, they can’t have a wheelchair in the family picture. I doubt her rich friends even know about what happened to me unless they saw a video on the Internet or something.”Jared pulls Jensen’s head down and kisses his forehead, pressing his lips against it for a long time. “I’m so sorry love,” he says after pulling away. “I wish I could go kidnap her and take her to the game. But hey, if it’s any consolation… I’ll be there. Front row. With pompoms. I’ll be there to cheer for you on every game you play. Josh will be there too. And you know our friends will go as well. You have people who love you, Jen. Family doesn’t mean blood. When I said you can adopt my parents, I wasn’t kidding. They really like you, Jen. The few times I talked to them after we visited, they asked how you’re doing. They’re over the moon that we’re going for Christmas. Mom will feed us delicious food, we’ll get so fat you won’t even fit in your chair anymore and we’ll need to get you resized. She even asked for ideas so they can get you a Christmas present too.”Jensen frowns as he looks at Jared, more tears falling as he feels his heart warming up a bit. “Really?”Jared smiles. “Of course. I could bet money that right now mom is knitting a Christmas stock with your name for the fireplace. And I mean it. You’re part of my family, Jen. My parents can become your parents too. You don’t need to keep in touch with your own parents if you don’t want to, if it makes you feel sad. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to your mom ever. But sometimes being away from our parents is the best way to go. The best choice for your mental health. You should surround yourself with people who love you.”Jensen offers Jared a tentative smile. “Like you?”Jared smirks. “I could surround you right now if you want because I love you lots. Wanna go inside?”Jensen’s smile grows and he feels better already. Jared has the power to cure him of anything. “Not a bad idea, I could use some Padaoctopus around me. Maybe naked for better effect.”Jared wiggles his eyebrows. “Lemme get your chair!”*Josh calls Jensen a couple of hours later to tell him how he gave their mother an earful after Jensen left, for her not caring enough. Jensen asks how it went and Josh tells him that unfortunately it seems like it has fallen on deaf ears. She doesn’t seem to realize her mistakes or even understand how badly Alan treated Jensen. Jensen is a bit disappointed hearing that but he can’t say he’s actually surprised. He’s trying to come to terms with the fact that his parents simply don’t care about him. He will try to believe Jared when he says it’s not his fault, it’s simply who they are. They probably only had children for appearances, and his father most likely so he had someone to take over the company and leave it within the family. He knows his mother loves him her own way, but love isn’t enough sometimes. It’s not simply telling someone you love them, you need to demonstrate it in your actions. Just like Jensen has felt Jared’s love for him way before he said it, and he truly hopes Jared feels it too, how much Jensen loves him deeply and unconditionally.Some days go by before Christmas and they’re quite busy with everything. Jensen often has basketball practice, the coach has told him he will most likely play his first match in early January when they return from Christmas break. Jensen is excited and nervous about it. He has been hanging out with his teammates more, and becoming friends with some of them. Jared has also joined them sometimes as they go grab something to eat and is also making some friendships. Jensen likes that, joining both words. Everyone who told him it would be good to hang out with other people with disabilities were right. It feels good to be around folks who understand, who Jensen can relate to. Some have been through the exact same thing as Jensen, before he did, and it’s very important to share experiences. Jensen is relieved to know they also got through it and are having great lives with SCIs. And he understands it’s a circle, there are people who will still go through it and maybe have Jensen as an example just like Jensen has his own examples.There are also people with different disabilities, and it’s also nice to exchange experiences. There are a few amputees in the team and it’s interesting to him how opposite their disabilities are. Being paraplegic means you still have your legs but can’t use them. As an amputee, you still have the ability to walk but don’t have your leg or legs. Jensen also meets folks who are also in a wheelchair but for reasons other than suffering a SCI, and it’s also a good knowledge for him. He becomes friends with Liam, who tells him he has a condition called Myelomeningocele, which he was born with. It’s a birth defect where the spinal cord doesn’t develop as it should, so he has been paralyzed since he can remember. That got Jensen to think and share his thoughts with Jared after talking to Liam about it.“He was never able to walk Jay,” Jensen told him as they were having dinner. “Like, ever. This is all he knows. It’s different because I could walk before and I lost it. So I know what it's like. Do you think it’s worse? Like, being able-bodied and then becoming disabled like me?”Jared shrugged. “I don’t know, Jen. I can’t possibly know. And I don’t think anybody can actually. Unless you’re born with a disability and acquire another during life. I dunno if it’s worse to know what’s like being able to walk or never knowing. I mean… it can’t be easy having your life changed in one second. Having to learn everything again in a different way. Remembering your old life. From that aspect, it’s easier to be used to something different your whole life. But on the other hand, it can’t be easy as well, never knowing what being ‘normal’ is like. Never having a taste of a regular life, not having any idea what walking is like, or having legs, arms, seeing, hearing, etc. I can’t have any idea what either of those scenarios is like, and can’t choose. But I guess it’s nice to meet people with different lives and exchange experiences. It changes our perspective on many aspects. Also it’s important for you to get to know different stories.”Jensen agrees, he also can’t tell which is worse. At least he got to experience a regular life, he got to play basketball the regular way, he knows what walking, what jumping, what running is like. But that’s also a curse, because it hurts knowing what having a full working body is like, and not having it anymore. It’s not easy either way, but Jared is right. It’s nice exchanging experiences with other people, Jensen feels good about it, like he belongs somewhere else too, other than with Jared.Jensen has also been dedicating himself to making videos for his Instagram account. He liked Jared’s suggestion so he has started posting some stuff. He records part of his basketball practices, also the ones he has with Jared, and also some other minor stuff from his daily life, showing people the different ways someone in a wheelchair does things. He has been getting some new followers and comments on his posts, apparently Jared was right and people do want to know more about how someone with a disability lives on a daily basis.They also spend some time with Christmas preparations, especially buying presents. They go shopping to pick up nice things for Jared’s parents and siblings, and Jensen also buys presents for his brother and sister-in-law. Jensen orders Jared’s present online, it’s going to be a surprise. He found the perfect present as he was talking to a fellow teammate who has a similar injury as Jensen, and Jensen can definitely see how good it is to talk to people who are like him because someone else would never be able to talk to him about this. He was a bit wary at first, but after seeing a video on YouTube he was convinced it could be really nice. He just hopes Jared is on board with it and doesn’t find it too weird.Finally Christmas break arrives and they start packing everything to go to San Antonio. They have decided to go on the 23rd and return on the 26th, so they can spend more time with Jared’s family, per Sherri and Gerry’s own request. One day before going, they pack everything so they don’t have to rush tomorrow. Jared has informed Jensen they don’t need to bring his shower bench since apparently his parents got it covered, whatever that means. Jensen feels good knowing they were caring enough to apparently get him a shower chair just for their house.In the evening they go through their nightly routine and get dressed only in their boxers as usual. As Jensen waits for Jared to be done in the bathroom, he gets his present from the closet in the other bedroom and manages to carry the packages to their bedroom. He places them on the floor and waits for Jared. When his boyfriend arrives, he frowns as he sees the two packages on the floor.“What’s that?”“That’s your Christmas present, Jay.”Jared’s eyes widen. “But it’s not Christmas yet. Are we exchanging presents now? Because I already packed yours.”Jensen shakes his head. “No. I just wanted to give yours now because I don’t think it would be the best idea to open it in front of your parents.”Jared gives him a look. “Okay?”“Go ahead.”Jared unwraps the packages, only to reveal a weird camping looking chair, and another thing that looks like a folding camping stretcher. Jared eyes both items warily.“What the fuck is this? Why did you get a foldable chair and a stretcher-like… thing? Are we going camping or something?”Jensen chuckles and shakes his head. “Definitely not. This is called Intimate Rider. Lemme give you a demonstration.”Jensen positions himself right next to the chair, taking his legs off the footplate and carefully transferring to the other chair. He grabs the wheel on his chair for balance and pulls the stretcher thing closer, positioning it right in front of him. He pats it and looks at Jared.“You sit here. Facing me.”Jared still looks confused but does as Jensen asked. When Jared is in place, Jensen finally makes a demonstration.“This chair swings,” Jensen says simply as he makes a motion with his torso, going forward and backwards, and his whole body moves with it, including his groin.Understanding finally dawns on Jared, and his eyes almost pop out of the sockets. “Oh my God! We can… you can...”Jensen nods, giving Jared a smile. “Exactly. This way, I can move for you. And with this stretcher, I can also be on top of you.”Jared shakes his head in disbelief. “Where the fuck did you find this?”Jensen chuckles. “Perks of having paraplegic friends. They can give you very useful tips.”“That’s unbelievable.”Jensen smiles. “Wanna test it? I think I want to test and see if I can actually fuck you. I mean… I’ve been able to hold an erection for longer so maybe we can do it. If you’re up to it.”Jensen feels his cheeks warming up and Jared’s eyebrows shoot up. “Do you even have to ask? I’d love to experiment with you.” Jared scoots closer and frames Jensen’s face with a hand. “You do know that even if you can’t hold your erection, it’s totally okay right?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. It’s why I got us something else too. Can you get the lube in the drawer and the other thing I put there too?”Jared nods and gets up, opening the drawer and Jensen opens up an amused smile as Jared grabs the dildo Jensen got.“Wow.”Jensen shrugs. “Just in case. Do you mind if I use it if I can’t fuck you properly?”Jared shakes his head and sits in front of Jensen again, placing both items on the floor. “Love, I told you already. I don’t care what we do. As long as we do it together. Come on now, I’m dying to test this.”Jensen grabs the hem of Jared’s boxers and takes them off as Jared lifts his butt. Jensen wraps his fingers around his shaft, giving it a few pumps as he grows harder and harder, and Jensen increases the pace but Jared stops him, swallowing hard. “Don’t… not yet. I want to come with you inside of me. Please. Come on.”Jensen nods and loosens his grip on Jared’s dick. “Kay. Help me take my boxers off?”Jensen lets go of Jared’s dick so he can use both hands to lift his butt from the chair, and Jared pulls them off. Jensen grabs Jared’s legs and guides him so they wrap around his own torso. Then he pulls Jared’s hips closer until his bottom is aligned with Jensen’s groin. Jensen leans forward and supports himself with both hands on the stretcher for leverage, and Jared wraps his arms around Jensen as well, keeping himself upright and attacking his mouth. They make out like this for a while, Jared using a hand to stimulate Jensen’s nipples and he can already feel the heat pooling in his groin, lightly.Jared blindly searches for the lube and Jensen frees one hand, allowing Jared to coat his fingers with it. Jensen reaches between their bodies and starts adding a finger inside Jared, slowly. Jared pants in his ear, nibbling his earlobe as he grabs a handful of Jensen’s hair.“Gosh Jensen. Your fingers are insane. Give me more, please. Harder, go deeper!” Jensen chuckles and obliges, burying one finger deep inside Jared, and then another, opening them inside Jared’s tight canal as they kiss each other passionately. “One more, come on!”Jensen does as asked and forces his third finger inside as Jared keeps demanding for him to go harder, and Jensen can’t help having a flashback.“This reminds me of something we did in the past,” he whispers in Jared’s mouth.Jared nods vigorously. “It does. It’s still you, Jen. Come on, let’s take advantage of this chair. Give me all you got.”“Make me hard, then. I’m almost done with you,” Jensen moans as he bites Jared’s jaw, and Jared is happy to oblige. He reaches between their joined bodies and starts stimulating Jensen’s dick as they have been learning to do. Jensen wanted to wait until the last minute to do it so he can last as long as possible inside Jared. After some work from Jared, Little Jensen finally comes to life and Jared is quick to coat it with lube. Jensen still doesn’t have full sensation on his dick, maybe he never will, but it's a blessing enough that he does feel something. He can feel Jared’s hands and a light coldness from the lube. Jensen is eager to know what it's like to feel Jared from the inside like this.Jensen pulls the fingers out of Jared, hastily wiping them on his boxers, and Jared guides his dick to his entrance. “Help me get inside you,” Jensen asks in a low voice, he doesn’t think his dick has enough strength to do the job by itself. Jared nods and guides Jensen inside of him, and Jensen helps by moving his body forward on the chair. Finally he bottoms out, and allows himself a few moments to feel Jared around him. Jared frames his face and pushes their foreheads together, giving him an intense look.“You’re inside me, love.” Jensen can see Jared’s eyes shining with emotion, and he feels his own emotions bubbling up inside of him. Jared contracts his ass and Jensen feels him even more. “How does that feel? Can you feel me around you?”Jensen nods, swallowing hard and pursing his lips. “God yes. You feel incredible Jay. You’re so warm and tight around me, especially when you contract yourself like this.”Jared nods back. “Then move. I know you can give me much better than the old Jensen did. Wanna make this a competition?”Jensen snorts. “Me against me? I’m in.”Jared grabs Jensen’s chin, attacking his mouth forcefully. “Then it’s on.”Jensen moves his body backwards so he pulls out of Jared, then forces it forward to slam back in. He can’t quite angle it the right way to hit Jared’s prostate, but he holds Jared’s hips down to try and get it right. When Jared screams HOLY SHIT JENSEN and throws his head back, Jensen imagines he did it. He takes advantage of Jared’s exposed neck to attack it, biting it and sucking a spot on it long enough to leave a mark. Jared buries his nails on Jensen’s back, moving his hips to meet Jensen halfway. Jensen grabs Jared’s still aching dick and starts pumping it, always keeping one hand down so he doesn’t lose his balance and falls on top of Jared. He manages to slam into Jared a few more times, but then his dick starts going soft.“Sorry… sor–”Jared doesn’t let Jensen finish, he grabs the dildo and offers it to Jensen after lubing it. “I can… jack myself off… use this in me. Please,” Jared pants and Jensen nods, he can’t do both things at once without losing his balance and he pushes down the small feeling that he is letting Jared down for not being able to do enough. Jared is right, they adapt and do what they can, and as long as they’re together it’s alright. So Jensen lets go of Jared’s dick and grabs the dildo, pulling his own limp dick out of him and pushing the dildo inside.“Don’t make yourself come yet,” Jensen orders and Jared nods. Jensen attacks his mouth again as he works the dildo in and out of Jared’s loose hole, causing Jared to moan in his mouth. At one point Jensen pushes the dildo inside and leaves it there. “Push backwards a bit.” Jared does as asked, moving away from Jensen, who leans down and replaces Jared’s hand on his dick with his own. Jensen captures it in his mouth, bobbing his head up and down, using even more strength in his arm to keep himself upright. Jared tightens his hold around his torso with his legs, saying all kinds of dirty things he can think of as Jensen sucks him as hard as he can while keeping the dildo inside, and Jared also takes the opportunity to stimulate Jensen’s nipples using his thumb and forefinger. Jensen feels drops of sweat falling from his forehead on Jared’s body, which is also all sweaty. Jensen feels a few degrees warmer and on the verge of being uncomfortable since he has some trouble regulating his body temperature. His paralyzed half doesn’t sweat so it’s normal that his body dysregulates like this but he keeps going. He can worry about it later.Jensen looks up at Jared, giving him a nod. It takes Jared two seconds to shoot his load inside of Jensen’s mouth, his orgasm so strong that Jensen can feel Jared’s body trembling. Jensen swallows almost out of it and pulls out as Jared’s dick goes limp. He leans down using both hands on the stretcher, on each side of Jared, and captures his lips in a kiss. He allows Jared to taste himself and also Jensen as their tastes are combined.Jensen finally pulls back and looks at Jared under him, how he looks completely debauched and sweaty, and simply amazing.“How do you like your present, Jay?”Jared chuckles as he frames Jensen’s face. “It’s safe to say you win the round against old Jensen. This was definitely the best sex ever. I’ll send a fruit basket to whoever told you about this thing, and whoever invented it deserves a Nobel prize. I can’t believe I can be under you, and that you can move. That’s amazing Jen. It opens up a lot of possibilities for us and I can’t wait to test all of them.” Jared’s eyes widen. “Jen, I can even be on my knees while you fuck me from behind, we dont even need to use this stretcher, only the chair. Oh man.”Jensen nods, already imagining it. “God, yes. And I agree. I mean, I like whatever we do, but it feels good knowing I can do some of the things the old me did. It works very well for my self esteem.”Jared kisses him. “Merry Christmas to us.”Jensen reaches for Jared’s hole, gently pulling out the dildo. “That can be very useful for us as well. I dunno if I’ll be able to keep an erection for longer, but it’s good to have alternatives. Hope it was okay.”Jared smiles. “I told you, Jen. Whatever we do is amazing as long as we do it together. I love using the dildo as long as it’s you pushing it inside me. I’m game for anything.”Jensen nods and straightens up on the chair. “Okay, but now I need to go take a cold shower. My body temperature is a bit dysregulated after this intense activity and I feel a bit uncomfortable, I’m too warm. You can go to bed if you want, I’ll be right back.”“Absolutely not! I could use a shower too. Can I give you a lift?”Jensen nods and Jared gives him a piggyback ride. Jensen presses himself on Jared’s back who lets out a moan.“God, I think I could really use that cold shower too. I love naked piggyback rides by the way.”Jensen chuckles as Jared quickly walks to the bathroom. Jared sits next to Jensen on the bench as he likes to do, and Jensen loves it as well. They wash each other and make out some more under the cold spray, Jensen feeling his body slowly returning to normal.“You good?” Jared asks after they’ve spent some time in the shower and Jensen gives him the okay. Jared turns the shower off and they manage to dry themselves just enough for Jared to carry Jensen back to the bedroom without getting everything wet, and throws Jensen on the bed. Jared joins him right away and pulls the covers over their bodies, not bothering with boxers. Jared pulls Jensen closer and he can slightly feel as Jared entwines their legs. Jared frames Jensen’s face with a hand.“See? Now you can stop comparing yourself to your old self. We did pretty much everything we had done that first time. You can be on top of me, you can move, you can fuck me. And even if you could never do any of that, it would be okay Jen. I’ll always choose you over the old Jensen a million times. Over anyone else a million times. I love discovering everything with you. I love everything we do together.”Jensen smiles and gives Jared a quick kiss. “I know. But this was also important to me. I do know you’re fine with everything, and I promise I am too. But it’s just…”“You don’t have to explain, Jen. I don’t know what it's like being in your shoes. If you say it’s important then I’m willing to do anything with you to make it possible. And we can make everything possible, love.”Jensen nods. “Just the fact that I can actually feel you is enough of a blessing. I could very well be fully paralyzed without any feeling or function, and I’d never be able to feel you around me anymore. The fact that I have this one thing, that I can feel you from the inside like this, is amazing enough. And well…” Jensen feels himself blushing. “One of these days I’d like to see if I can feel you in me as well. What do you say?”Jared’s eyebrows shoot up. “Wow. Believe it or not, I have never topped before.”Jensen frowns. “Really?”Jared shrugs. “What can I say? I like dicks in my ass. But I’d like to try it with you. You would be my first in a way.”“I definitely like that.”Jared scoots even closer and buries his face on Jensen’s chest, closing his eyes. “That’s the beauty of us, Jen. We have all the time in the world to try everything we want to.”Jensen likes the sound of that.*Jensen invites Josh and Kelly for dinner so they can meet before Christmas, and for Jared and Jensen to give them the presents they got. Jensen wants to cook something nice for them, they go grocery shopping and get nice ingredients for an elaborate pasta and also a meatloaf. Jensen has been getting more used to navigating the kitchen in the wheelchair and adapting wherever he needs to, and Jared always helps him learn more skills. It’s not that they're great chefs or anything, but it’s good to eat homemade food sometimes.Josh arrives with Kelly carrying a big wrapped box, and Jensen eyes it with curiosity. After everyone has greeted each other, Josh points at the box.“Merry Christmas, bro!”Jensen wheels closer to the box. “What’s that?”“A pony. Duh, it’s your Christmas present, open it!”Jensen’s curiosity is on max as he starts unwrapping it. Jared sits on the arm of the couch close to Jensen so he can watch it. Jensen tears the wrapping paper from the front of the box and finally realizes what this is, his jaw dropping and eyes widening as he reads the words and sees the picture on the box. He looks up at Josh with huge eyes, his heart pounding in his chest.“Holy shit, you got me a Firefly??”Josh shrugs. “Looks like it.”Jensen can’t believe his eyes. “But… but how did you even know I wanted one of these? Or even knew what it was?”Josh smirks and his gaze travels to Jared. “A very tall birdie told me about it and how you maybe could use one of those.”Jensen looks at Jared with his mouth hanging open. “You told him about the Firefly?”Jared makes an innocent face. “Josh contacted me and asked if there was something you needed so he could give you for Christmas. Since money wasn’t a problem I directed him to the Firefly, saying it would really help you to get around campus and other longer distances.”Jensen eyes the box again. “Gosh, I can’t believe this. Thank you Josh, so much. This will help me a lot.”Jensen gives his brother a tight hug, and then they exchange the other presents. Josh and Kelly get Jared something too, and Jensen loves that. Once all presents are exchanged they open the Firefly box and spend some time setting it up and reading the instructions. Jensen needs to add two pieces to the frame of his wheelchair so the Firefly can attach to it. Once it’s all set he tests attaching the thing himself and it’s pretty easy, he can do it himself no problem. They decide to go outside so Jensen can put the thing to test, and it’s really cool. His chair does turn into a scooter and he can easily move around without having to use the strength of his arms. He won’t always use the thing, he does like to move around using his arms, but for longer distances it will be incredibly useful so Jensen won’t burst his shoulders so soon.Jared has to go inside and come back with a chair from the dining table for Jensen to sit on, since everyone wants to try out the new device. Jensen allows for them to use his chair and go for a spin, making sure to capture it with his phone - Jared has recorded him as well. They have a lot of fun and Jensen thanks Josh over and over for giving him something so amazing and that he really wanted and needed.“I just wanted to give you something really great, especially after the year you had. Plus as another way to make it up to you even if you say I don’t have to. I know it will be very useful in your daily life and I’m glad to be able to provide something that can make your life easier.”Jensen feels emotional with that, at least he didn’t lose his whole family but actually got a brother after all the tragedy in his life. They go back inside and have lunch, Kelly has brought dessert and it’s delicious. They spend some more time just hanging out and when it’s time to leave they all exchange hugs and Merry Christmas wishes.After finishing cleaning up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher, Jensen sits with Jared on the couch and places an arm around his shoulders, kissing his cheek.“Thank you for suggesting the Firefly to my brother. And you really didn’t tell me anything!”Jared smiles. “He asked for it to be a surprise. I knew you’d love it. And it’s pretty expensive so I thought you’d enjoy saving this money. When he said he was willing to splurge, I knew the perfect present idea.”“You were incredible as always. I won’t mind at all saving the money I’d spend on one of those. I can feel how happy my shoulders are about not needing to wheel all around campus everyday. And it will make it much faster to go from one class to the other too. It’s definitely a blessing.”“And now we can go to Disneyland too!”Jensen laughs and grabs his phone, editing the videos he made from everyone, including himself, trying out the Firefly, and posts on Instagram. What happens when your brother gives you a Firefly for Christmas and everyone wants to test it, so you need to use a dining chair since your wheelchair was kidnapped. Bring it back, please!, is the caption he uses, and Jared laughs when he reads it.*On the 23rd they get everything ready to go to San Antonio. Jensen is bringing the Firefly too, in case they want to go explore the city, plus he really wants to put it to test for longer distances. The thing is pretty compact and easy to carry, which is a good thing. As they ride to Jared’s hometown, Jensen can see how his boyfriend looks anxious for some reason.“Is there something going on Jay?” Jensen asks as he squeezes Jared’s leg. “You seem odd.”Jared shakes his head vigorously. “Not at all. Just excited for Christmas, I love Christmas!”Jensen snorts. “I would never be able to tell.”They finally arrive at the Padalecki residence and Jared parks the car. Sherri and Gerry come meet them outside as Jensen is getting in his chair. They help Jared unload everything and welcome both of them with warm hugs.“So glad you boys are finally here,” Sherri says excitedly. “I couldn’t wait for you two to arrive!”Jensen smiles, he can’t help comparing Sherri to his own mother. She seems a hundred times happier to see him than his mother. And he won’t even get started on Gerry versus his own father. He feels even happier that they decided to come for Christmas, he knows it will be a good one.Only when Jensen starts making his way towards the house, does he realize just how much of an amazing Christmas it will be. Jensen was already preparing himself to go up the stairs, again a bit bummed that he wouldn’t be able to help carry things inside, and then he finally notices it, his heart stopping for a moment.There’s a brand new wheelchair lift installed right next to the flight of steps.“Oh my God… oh my God.” Jensen mumbles, his voice cracking as he looks at the thing but not able to comprehend it fully. He turns around and Sherri approaches him, placing a hand on his shoulder.“Do you like it, dear?”Jensen’s eyes water as he looks from Sherri to the lift, then to Gerry on his other side. “Is this… oh God, I just can’t…”Gerry squeezes Jensen’s other shoulder. “We thought you’d appreciate not having to get yourself up and down those steps, huh?”Jensen shakes his head, pressing the heel of both hands in his eyes before opening them again. “Hold on a second. Am I hallucinating or you guys freaking installed a wheelchair lift in your house? For me??”“Of course, sweetie!” Sherri says happily. “You’ll be here often, we didn’t want you to struggle every time you needed to get in and out. We thought about a ramp but Jared told us it wouldn’t be too practical, the ramp would have to be huge so it would be a comfortable angle for you and not too steep. So the lift seemed like the best solution. We just needed to have part of the rail removed to fit it, no big deal.”Jensen looks at Jared for the first time with huge eyes. “You knew about this? That your parents installed a damn wheelchair lift for me?”Jared gives him his most innocent look. “Of course I did. I helped them come up with the best solution for you to get up and down.”It falls in place then. “That’s why you seemed so anxious on the way here.” Jared nods and Jensen turns to Sherri and Gerry again. “You didn’t need to do this. I’ve only been here once, this is just too much.”Sherri rubs a hand on Jensen’s back. “We just asked Jared if he was really serious about you two. He told us he’s planning on keeping you forever, that you’re the love of his life, and since we want to have you both here often, we knew we needed a solution for the stairs problem. It was a good investment. Now you can get in and out without all that struggle and even risking a fall, which could be very dangerous. We’re also thinking about your safety.”Jensen takes it all in, he looks at the brand new lift, all ready for him to use it, knowing Jared’s parents made sure to get it installed for him, showing just how much Jensen is welcomed in their house even after only one visit, then he looks at both of them with expectant smiles on their faces, and thinks about his own parents who don’t give two shits about him. The emotions inside him boil over and Jensen leans forward, burying his face in his hands as tears fall and his body shakes.Sherri kneels down and pulls Jensen to a hug, and he hugs her back. He can feel Gerry caressing his back, and soon Jared joins them and hugs Jensen from behind.“Get used to all the Padahugs from now on, Jen!”Jensen pulls away and chuckles among his tears, wiping his eyes. He looks at Sherri and Gerry. “You really didn’t have to do it. It must cost a lot to get one of those and also install it.”Sherri rubs his bicep. “It’s okay, honey. It’s an investment like I said. You’re part of the family now so we need to make sure you can get in and out safely.”Jared squeezes his shoulder. “That means you can’t dump me ever, because now you need to make good use of the lift and pay back the investment.”Jensen laughs. “Damn, is there still time to return it?”“Hey!”“Enough,” Gerry chimes in. “You should go test the lift, Jensen. We tested many times to make sure it’s good to go but we needed you for the final word.”Jensen nods and wheels forward, inspecting the lift. He wheels onto it using a small ramp on it, and Gerry explains that he just needs to press the button, which Jensen does. The ramp folds upwards, securing Jensen inside the lift. Then the thing goes up and Jensen pushes the small door, swiftly wheeling onto the porch. Jared and his parents are already waiting for him there, and Jensen gives them a huge smile. “It’s perfect. Thank you so much, I still can’t believe you got this only for me.”“It’s so you can see you’re welcome here darling,” Sherri says with a smile.Jensen nods again and they finally all move inside. Jensen still feels lightheaded with the knowledge that Jared’s parents changed their house because of him. Sherri sends them to Jared’s bedroom to clean up so they can eat, since she prepared a nice lunch for them. When the bedroom door closes behind them, Jensen turns to Jared.“Holy shit, Jay. I can’t believe they did that!”Jared smiles and sits on the edge of the bed, pulling the frame of Jensen’s chair so he’s closer. “It was so hard not telling you tho. I had to keep two secrets, the one about the Firefly and the one about the lift. I thought I was going to explode.”Jensen shakes his head. “God this is just too much only for me.”“Of course not, love. You deserve it. My parents were really worried and wanted to find a solution so you wouldn’t need to climb the stairs like that everytime you came. And since I told them we’re together forever, they would need to come up with something for the long run. The lift was the best solution.”Jensen still feels wary. “But Jay… this must have cost a lot. You told me already that even though your parents have a comfortable life, they aren’t rich by any means. They shouldn’t have spent all that money because of me. I would have gone up and down the stairs.”Jared squeezes his knee. “Jen, stop worrying so much. They wouldn’t have done it if they couldn’t afford it. They don’t have that many expenses now that the three of us aren’t living here anymore. It’s fine. It’s their way of apologizing for the things they said and most importantly, to show that you’re welcome here and are already a part of the family. They wanted to do it, and they’re so happy to be able to do this for you, you have no idea. It means a lot to them as well, just as it means to you. It’s not a burden for them, I truly promise you. They couldn’t wait for you to see it.”Jensen lets out a breath and tries to see it from this other angle. He’s always so worried about being a burden to people, it’s hard to fathom someone doing such a grand gesture for him. But then Jensen remembers something else.“You did something very similar to me when you asked Chad to build the ramp so I could access your apartment easier. And you were also so excited to show me.”Jared nods. “Exactly. I wanted you to be able to get into my house without barriers.”Jensen smiles, finally understanding. “It runs in the family then. I’ll try to understand it better, I just always think people shouldn’t do so much for me. I guess it comes with having parents like mine.”Jared makes a gesture with his hand. “No talking about bad parents. Let’s wash up and eat because I’m starving!”They do just that and when they enter Jared’s ensuite bathroom they indeed find a brand new shower chair for Jensen. Unbelievable. Soon they return to the kitchen and Sherri has already set the table for them, it’s only four people now since Jeff and Megan are arriving in the evening. Jensen’s place is once more very clear with the chair missing. She tells them to get settled and places a tray of garlic bread on the table. Jared gets sodas for them and Jensen takes the opportunity to thank both of them again for the amazing present, as well as the shower chair.“It’s okay honey,” Sherri says as she caresses his hair fondly. “We’re glad to do it.”They sit down to eat the delicious pasta that Sherri cooked, Jensen making sure to compliment it more than once, making her blush. Jensen feels a huge surge of happiness inside him, knowing he’s at the table surrounded by people who love him even if two of them have just met him. The wheelchair lift is such a huge gesture, just as the ramp was. It’s a way to show Jensen without words that he’s welcome, and he has no words for that.After lunch they all go to the backyard per Gerry’s suggestion. Jensen and Jared have offered to help clean the kitchen but Sherri just brushed them off saying they can take care of it later. They sit on the back porch, Jensen making himself comfortable on the double loveseat next to Jared, and his parents each taking the other loveseats. Gerry brings cold beers to them, and they make a toast for their Christmas.After some moments of silence, Sherri turns to Jensen. “So honey, not that we don’t love having you here, but were your parents okay with you not spending Christmas with them?” Jensen looks down and bites the inside of his cheek, Jared squeezing his hand, and Sherri apparently senses the drop in the mood. “Oh sorry, dear. Did I touch a sore subject? You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”Jensen looks at Jared, who just shrugs and says without words that it’s up to him. Jensen then decides to open up to Sherri and Gerry, they’ve been so nice to him. They deserve to know.“I actually don’t get along with my parents very well. My dad especially.”Then Jensen starts telling the tale, starting before his accident, when he already had many arguments with his dad, and everything that followed. How he got even colder after his injury, blatantly blaming him for what happened because Jensen was reckless. Also how his mom cares about him but not enough to defend him, and also doesn’t do much to demonstrate it.“Jared helped me a lot. I had a bad argument with my dad, with him throwing on my face once more the burden I had become, how I got myself in this situation, as if I got paralyzed just to annoy him, as if I had a choice and was in the wheelchair because I was too lazy to get up. I left my house under the rain and sought shelter in Jared’s apartment. He took me in and offered for me to be his roommate, even if I didn’t have much money at first to help with the bills. Only when I started living with Jared did my mental health finally start to improve too. Jared offered me a safe place where I could feel respected, and started showing me that the fact that I became paraplegic wasn’t my fault but simply the consequence of a mistake I made. Your son helped me and offered me the support I needed, I am where I am now only because of him. He has made the path much easier for me. I don’t know what would have happened if I had stayed in their house. I cut contact with my father and barely speak to my mother. My brother is the only person in my family who truly loves and supports me. I’m better off without them I think.”Sherri has tears in her eyes when Jensen finishes. She gets up and sits on the arm of the loveseat, right next to Jensen, and places an arm around his shoulders. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine a parent treating their son like this. Especially after the tragedy you endured. You’re right in staying far away from them. I’m so glad you are here with us, and I feel horrible for saying those things about you to Jared back then.”Jensen brushes her off. “It’s okay Sherri. It’s all in the past, you guys more than made it up for it. And I feel much more as a part of a family here, even knowing you for only a short amount of time, than with my own family except my brother.”Gerry approaches too and sits down on the small coffee table right in front of Jensen. “Son, I know it’s not the same as your real parents, but we’re here for you. We are more than happy to try and take in this role, even a tiny bit. You and our son love each other, that much is clear. We know you’ll be with us for a long time, and we want to welcome you into our family as our fourth child. If your parents are dicks who don’t value the amazing son they have, we are here for you. You can count on us to be your family. And please bring your brother here too so we can meet him!”Jensen smiles, feeling tears forming in his eyes but he doesn't hold them back. “Thank you. That means a lot.”Jared squeezes him. “I told Jensen he can change his last name to Padalecki in the future if he wants. I wouldn’t mind.”Gerry smiles and pats Jensen’s leg. “We will love having a new Padalecki in the family. But even without the last name, you’re already one of us kid.”Jensen could never in a million years imagine that his true family would be the Padaleckis of all people, but oh boy if he isn’t so grateful.
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Jared’s siblings arrive later in the day and in the evening they all decide - together with Jensen of course - to go hang out at the mall for some last-minute shopping and for dinner. Jared wants his siblings to spend more time with Jensen and vice versa, he’s over the moon that his boyfriend is becoming a true part of the family. They spend a nice time together, Jared enjoys how Jeff and Megan always accompany Jensen on ramps and in elevators, avoiding stairs as well, just as it has become second nature to Jared already - he has started looking for ramps and elevators even when Jensen isn’t with him. After they’re done shopping they spend some time in the restaurant, Jared catching up on his siblings’ lives, and also telling them about his story with Jensen. When they return home everyone is closer and Jared is even happier.On Christmas Eve Jared invites Jensen to do some sightseeing since he has only been in San An twice. Jeff is helping their dad around the house and Megan is giving their mom a hand with the cooking, so Jared sneaks out with Jensen. He drives them to the riverwalk, which is probably the best thing to do in San An especially if you don’t know the city. Jared parks at a garage inside a mall and Jensen decides to take the Firefly and put it to test. He attaches it to his chair and off they go. They take their time strolling around the river, which is very pleasant, and Jared can see Jensen really enjoys the Firefly, otherwise he would probably be tired from wheeling around and putting so much strain on his shoulders. They also decide to go for a boat ride after checking that it’s accessible, and it’s awesome. Jensen transfers to a bench so he can sit closer to Jared and they watch the city pass by with their arms around each other.“I really like it here, Jay. It’s a nice city, and I’m glad to be here with you.”Jared squeezes Jensen and kisses his cheek, not caring about other people looking. “I’m glad to have you here and be able to show you my hometown. We can come over more times now that you even have a lift all to yourself and everything.”“Hm, I like that!”After the boat ride ends they grab a quick something to eat at one of the places by the river and then go back home. They spend the rest of the afternoon helping Sherri with the Christmas Eve dinner she’s preparing for them and just hanging out with their family. Jared makes Jensen show everyone the Firefly and how it works, and of course his siblings want to try it too after asking Jensen if it would be okay. Jensen gives the okay and they go to the backyard, where Jensen sits in a loveseat while he watches the three siblings playing with his temporary electric chair, and Jared can see an amused smile on his face.Later as they’re back inside, they go to the living room and Jared points at the mantle, showing it to Jensen.“What did I tell you?”There’s a stocking with Jensen’s name on it, right next to the others for Jared’s parents, siblings and himself, and he smiles when he sees it. “I guess I’m a Padalecki then.”“Of course you are!”When Sherri sends everyone to their bedrooms to take showers before dinner, they find two wrapped packages on the bed, one for each of them. Both smile like children and rip the paper, revealing matching Christmas pajamas.“I wouldn’t expect anything less!”Both shower together (to save water) then dress up in the warm pajamas and socks. They go back to the kitchen and help Sherri finish setting the table. Everyone sits down wearing their pajamas and they have a nice dinner with heartwarming food. It feels good to be just like them for Christmas Eve since tomorrow their relatives will be joining them, so it’s a moment just for them to enjoy the holiday. Jensen compliments the food many times, saying it’s so delicious, making Sherri blush. Jensen can be charming as fuck, the son of a bitch. Jared would know it.After dinner everyone gets comfortable in the living room to watch Home Alone (a tradition), Jared snuggling with Jensen in one corner of the couch. Jeff makes eggnog for them, with an extra kick of course. It’s a great night and Jared can see how Jensen is also enjoying it.Later as they lie in bed together, Jensen says how much he has enjoyed it. “Christmas at my house was never like this. We never even did anything on Christmas Eve. There was only a fancy dinner for Christmas Day and expensive presents were given. But the spirit was never there, the closeness of a family. I like it here. We can spend Christmas here every year.”Jared smiles. “I like that plan.”*In the morning they wake up to Sherri preparing French toast for them, and she gives each a kiss on the forehead as they appear in the kitchen.“Merry Christmas, sweethearts.”“Merry Christmas Sherri,” Jensen says with a smile then turns to Jared. “Jay I’m gonna have to buy a bigger wheelchair after our stay here. I can feel it getting too small for my huge figure already.”Jared chuckles and kisses the top of Jensen’s head. “You still look like a stud. And I promise I won’t leave you if you grow a huge belly like Santa. Hey, you can dress up next year if my mom keeps feeding you. You can be Santa Wheelies.”“Haha. Very funny.”They all have breakfast and go to the living room to finally exchange presents. Jared hands Jensen a package, and he opens it with a smile. He unfolds the basketball jersey and inspects it, his jaw dropping as he sees it.“Oh Gosh, Jay!”Jared smiles. “It’s about time we start wearing b-ball jerseys for our practices. So I got us some very special ones. I have one for myself too.”The front of the jersey says J-Squared, and Ackles on the back. “Jay, oh my God! This is insane!”Jared shrugs. “It’s our private b-ball team, J-Squared. What do you think?”Jensen smiles widely. “God, I love it. It’s definitely perfect for this new beginning. You truly have the best ideas, thank you.”Jared leans closer so they can exchange a quick kiss, and then they give everyone else their presents and also get some for both of them. Sherri hands Jensen his stocking since he’s sitting on the floor, and Jared grabs what’s inside of his, sitting down next to Jensen again.“Those are Santa’s presents for you two.”Jared already knows what it is so he pays attention to Jensen’s face. Jensen takes the envelope from the stocking and opens it to grab what’s inside. Jared leans closer as Jensen unfolds the pieces of paper, his eyes widening when he realizes what it is. He looks at Sherri and Gerry with widened eyes.“You got us tickets to Disneyland and Universal Parks??” Then he turns to Jared. “Did you know about this too?”Jared shrugs. “They asked me what Santa could get you. I said we were talking about visiting the parks at some point. Maybe do a roadtrip to California. Santa wanted to provide the tickets. We have a while to use them so we can plan. And also, I did some research. Disney and Universal are pretty accessible for wheelchair users. You can go on almost all rides. I may have to assist you on transfers here and there but you know I’ll do it. There are only a handful of rides you probably won’t be able to go because it requires walking, but it’s just boring stuff. I think it would be something really cool for us to do together. Plus now you have the Firefly which will make it much easier to navigate the parks all day long. Do you like the present, Jen?”Jensen smiles warmly as he looks from Jared to Sherri and Gerry. “I love it. It was very thoughtful. Although you didn’t have to give me this. You already installed the lift, it’s more than enough of a present.”Sherri squeezes his shoulder. “Oh no dear, that was Santa not us. I won’t complain if you want to bring me a stuffed Daisy Duck, though.”Jensen laughs. “It’s a deal.”*About an hour later the rest of the family starts to arrive. Jared’s maternal grandparents, some cousins, and uncles. He can see that Jensen is a bit wary about meeting the rest of Jared’s family, but Jared makes sure to introduce him as his boyfriend. His grandparents already knew about him and Jensen, Sherri having told them, so they have a good reaction at least. They give Jensen hugs too and say it’s nice to meet him, and once again Jensen lets out his natural charm, making his grandma fucking blush.The house turns into the usual chaos of too many people in the kitchen, presents being passed here and there, and lots of chats. The doorbell rings again as Jared is at the dining table with Jensen folding napkins and his father opens the door. Jared groans when he sees his dad’s cousin, his wife, and his daughter.“What is it?” Jensen asks in a low voice.“I forgot about them. It’s my dad’s cousin, he can be very inconvenient. Just a heads up.”As if on cue, just after Gerry is done greeting the three of them, Robert, the cousin, speaks in a loud voice.“What’s up with that on your porch, Ger?? Got too old to climb half a dozen steps, did ya?”Jared is instantly on alert as he watches his father pursing his lips and he makes a motion with his hand towards the table where Jared is with Jensen.“Not really, that’s for Jensen. He’s J–”Robert doesn’t let Gerry finish speaking. When he spots Jared he makes his way towards the table, pulling his daughter Becky with him, his wife Ellen following right behind.“Jared my boy! So nice to see you again, you’re looking awesome!”Jared gets up from the table and without much warning, he’s enveloped by Robert who gives him a much too tight hug.“Hey there, guys. Long time no see.”Ellen also hugs Jared and then immediately points at Becky who’s smiling at him trying to look charming. “Becky here was dying to see you! She talks about you all the time!”Jared tries to give her a polite smile and a nod. “Hey Becky. How are you?”Her cheeks turn pink as she blinks a few times at him. “I’m good Jared! So nice to see you!”Robert and Ellen have tried to push Becky onto Jared for years now, it happens pretty much every time they meet. Jared is always left uncomfortable, so far he hasn't been able to tell them the main reason why he would never be interested in someone like Becky.“I’m sure you guys have a lot to catch up on,” Ellen says as she winks at Jared and he has had enough.“I’m sorry Ellen, that won’t happen. I’m kinda busy already.” He motions to Jensen, who has been at the same spot by the table just watching the scene unfolding. “That’s Jensen. He’s my boyfriend.”Both of them look taken aback, and Ellen chuckles as she shakes her head. “Oh, but I’m sure you won’t mind if Becky joins you and your little friend. Like I said she really wanted to see you again.”Gerry steps up and places a hand on Ellen’s shoulder. “No, Ellen. Jensen is not Jared’s friend, he’s his boyfriend. As in, they’re together. Dating.”Jared can see how Robert’s face turns red, but he tries to act cool. “Oh. Oh, is that so? We had no idea that… well… that you…”“That I was gay? Yeah, I’m sure you wouldn’t. But yes I am, and like I said this is my boyfriend Jensen.”Robert swallows hard and recomposes himself. He nods and finally looks at Jensen, extending a hand. “Well, that’s cool. Why don’t you walk over here then, Jensen? It’s nice to meet you!”Jensen gives Jared a nervous look and Jared understands that neither of them has yet realized that Jensen is in a wheelchair. The table is blocking the view and they probably haven’t connected the dots with the lift outside and haven’t registered when Gerry mentioned Jensen’s name. Jared gives Jensen an encouraging and reassuring nod as Jensen lets out a breath, backs away from the table, and then wheels around it. The three of them make surprised faces and don’t try to mask them as Jensen wheels forward and offers his hand.“Hey, nice to meet you all.”They all shake hands with Jensen shortly and Robert turns to Gerry. “Oh, so that’s the reason for the lift outside then?”Gerry nods. “Yes, you wouldn’t let me finish. We installed that so Jensen could get in and out easier.”Robert looks at Jensen again, giving him a once over. “So you’re in a wheelchair then?”Jensen snorts. “As far as I can tell.”“What happened to you?”Jared watches as Jensen swallows hard, and Jared knows he’s keeping himself calm. “Had a car accident, can’t walk anymore. Hence the wheelchair.”“Oh man, that sucks,” Robert says as he shakes his head. “I’m glad you’re doing good, though. I mean, if it was me going through something like that, I wouldn’t even leave the house. I’d probably off myself if you ask me. You seem very brave though, nice to see you’re out there carrying on with your life. Pretty inspiring, congrats on that!”Jensen audibly clenches his jaw, his hands deathly gripping his wheels. Jared fights the urge to just punch the dude, he can’t believe he’d say something like that to Jensen. Gerry apparently feels the tension and gives Robert a push.“Why don’t we say hi to Sherri and the rest of the family? They’re in the kitchen, come on.”The four of them leave and Jared turns to Jensen, opening his mouth to apologize but Jensen holds up a hand.“Not now, Jay. Please. Just leave it. I’m okay.”Jared nods and suggests they go to the backyard where Megan and Jeff are hanging out with some of their cousins.
Jensen
Jensen tries to get past what Jared’s cousins said to him and enjoy Christmas, he doesn’t want the holiday to be ruined by some clueless people. But it’s not easy. Jensen especially doesn’t want to create drama since he’s the new guy. He knows Gerry and Sherri care about him but those folks are their family, so he pushes it down and carries on with the day. He can see Jared is watching him closer than usual, but Jensen makes sure to put a good façade to his boyfriend.Sherri puts together a table with lots of delicious snacks so they can eat before the big lunch/dinner happening later, everything is awesome and there are lots of things to drink as well. So everyone hangs out around the table and living room as they grab snacks and drinks. Jensen can see how Robert and Ellen keep trying to push their daughter on Jared on more than one occasion when Jensen isn’t nearby, trying to get them to engage in conversations, and it bothers Jensen even more. Not that he’s worried, he knows Jared loves him and he’s gay, if he were to give this girl a chance it would have happened already. But he thinks it’s disrespectful as fuck since both know by now that Jared’s boyfriend is present. So Jensen drinks a few more glasses of wine than he should to get through the day.Eventually, Jensen goes to the bathroom to empty his bladder, especially after having wine, and goes to the kitchen to get himself some water. As he’s about to round the corner to get to the kitchen, he overhears none other than Robert and Ellen talking behind the fridge. They can’t see Jensen, who hears his name being said so he stays in place to listen to what they’re talking about.“I can’t believe Jared is dating this… Jensen dude,” Ellen says in a pissy voice. “I was so sure he would finally look at our Becky, you know how much I want to see those two together.”Robert scoffs. “Yeah, I know. And not only Jared has a damn boyfriend, but he picks one who can’t even walk? I mean, if you’re gonna start playing for the other team then at least get a player who’s in one piece, you know? What’s he doing, some charity work or something? Is that dude even able to get it up? I mean, we come all the way here to learn that Jared is not only gay now but into cripples too? Come on!”Jensen’s heart skips several beats as Robert’s last words trigger something inside of him, he remembers how his father felt the same way about him albeit he didn’t speak the words out loud. Jensen has had enough of this, he won’t be able to act like it’s alright next to these people who think he’s less of a person. Jensen swallows down some tears that threaten to surface and turns his chair around to quietly go back to Jared’s bedroom. It’s better if he stays in there, he doesn’t want to ruin the Christmas spirit. He closes the door and wheels further inside the room, leaning forward and grabbing the frame of his chair for support, lowering his head. Their words and actions since they arrived cut deep, and Jensen allows a couple of tears to fall as he hears a knock on the door, quickly wiping his face and telling whoever it is to come in.
Jared
Jared walks back inside carrying some presents that his aunt asked for help to get from her car. He settles them down next to the tree and his gaze travels around the living room searching for Jensen. He’s nowhere to be seen but Jared can see as his father walks inside his bedroom down the hall. Frowning, Jared quickly goes after him to see what’s going on. He starts opening the door but stops as he hears the voices inside.“...what happened, son?” His father is asking, and peeking inside Jared can see he’s talking to Jensen, who has his back to the door. Jared can see how his posture is hunched, his head bowed. Gerry sits on the edge of the bed and Jensen looks at him.“It was nothing, Gerry.” Jensen’s voice seems so sad, and Jared almost walks inside but something prevents him. He just stays where he is and listens to the conversation unfolding. “I was just tired, that’s all.”Gerry shakes his head. “No son, I can see you're not okay. You look odd the whole day. I know we haven’t known you for long, but that much I can tell. We care about you, you know that. If there’s something bothering you, please tell me. I don’t wish to see you down on Christmas.”Jensen sniffs. “I just… I don’t want to ruin the mood, especially with your family. I’d rather just stay here. It’s okay.”Gerry places a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Son, you’re family too. I’d say more than some folks who share my blood. We care about you. And no you won’t stay here the rest of the day. You can tell me, it’s okay. Was it something my lovely cousins said? I’m sorry they were so rude to you saying that stuff when they arrived. Was there more?”Jensen stays silent for a few moments but finally spills, telling Gerry how he overheard their conversation in the kitchen and what they said. Jared feels enraged, wishing to punch someone in the face, but he manages to stay put and he can tell his father is pissed too.“Oh shit Jensen, I’m so sorry! That was absolutely uncalled for!”Jensen shrugs. “I should be used to it by now. It’s how people see me. I could see the disappointment they had with the double shock of seeing Jared with a crippled boyfriend.” Jensen’s tone gets more hurt. “It’s just hard to always be seen as half a person, you know? As if Jared would only date someone like me for charity.”Jensen sniffs again and Jared can see how he wipes away a tear, and Jared suddenly can’t take it anymore. He walks inside the room and kneels in front of Jensen, framing his face.“Hey there. I just heard what you were saying to my father. I’m so sorry, Jen.”Jensen shakes his head and swallows hard. “I’m sorry to be causing trouble, I didn’t mean to.”“Love, you didn’t cause anything, you were here only existing as my parents’ guest. They’re the ones who had a problem with you from the moment they walked inside. And you will not stay here all day long because of them.”Jensen purses his lips. “I’m not in the mood Jay, sorry. I’d rather not deal with them. I’ll be fine here.”Gerry shakes his head vehemently and stands up. “I’ll take care of it. Stay here with him son, he’s all yours.”With that Gerry walks out of the room and closes the door again. Jared moves so he’s sitting on the bed next to Jensen, taking his hand.“They have no right saying all of that to you and about you, Jen. I wish I could punch both of them. And also trying to push Becky on me over and over with you there… that was so rude.”Jensen sighs. “I wonder why someone would tell a person who became disabled that if it was them, they wouldn’t be able to do it. Or that they’d rather die. Do people think this is a compliment? Like oh, I’m so strong because I’m still here? Like I had any other choice. Yeah, I also didn’t want to leave my house at first. Yeah, I also tried to kill myself. And here I still am. It’s not a matter of choosing to be strong. I don’t have any other option but to be strong. People act like I should be congratulated just because I’m out there living my life. I’m not a damn inspiration because I’m simply existing in a wheelchair Jay, I didn’t choose this. This is exhausting, and I know it won’t be the last time I’ll hear shit like that. I hate being treated as less of a person because I can’t walk. Don’t I have the right to date another guy because I’m paraplegic? I can’t have a happy life and be loved by someone? I mean, I didn’t think so either but it’s different when it’s yourself going through it. But Gosh it’s so hard to have people look down on you as if you didn’t have the same rights as them.”Jared sighs and pulls Jensen to a hug, he hates seeing his boyfriend feeling down like this.“I’m so sorry, Jen. Sadly there’s no way to avoid that, it’s bound to happen. Some folks aren’t used to what’s different. We can’t change their old-fashioned views, but you know you’re so capable, and just as important as everyone else. Way more important than a lot of people in my opinion, and your chair is just something you use to get around when your legs can't do the job.” Jared pulls back and frames Jensen’s face. “We both know you’re much more than that. You’re an incredible guy, strong, brave, important. I’ll never see you as less of a person, quite the contrary. You’re the most important person to me. And we will get through everything and the assholes together.”Jensen smiles. “Thanks, Jay. You always know what to say.”Jared smirks. “I bet you’re glad I’m a chatterbox, huh?”Jensen laughs, and Jared loves the sound. “Yeah, I guess so. Don’t ever stop being one.”“Promise.”Jared pulls Jensen to a quick kiss and they hear a knock on the door. They break apart to see Gerry entering the room and turning to Jensen.“It’s all good. You can go back outside, son.”“It’s okay Gerry, I can stay here. Don’t want to disturb.”“Oh no. They’re gone already. You don’t need to worry about them anymore.”Jensen’s jaw drops. “But… they didn’t need to go. I mean, it’s your family and I don’t want to cause trouble, I–”“Son, you are family too. Much more than those three, I guarantee you. And no family of mine will be disrespected under my roof. So please, let’s go back outside.”Jared looks at Jensen, who still looks embarrassed, and he gives his boyfriend a reassuring nod. So as Gerry walks out of the bedroom Jared gets up and plants a tender kiss on Jensen’s cheek from behind before they follow him outside. As they arrive in the living room, Jared can see everyone is quieter, probably having witnessed an unpleasant moment with Gerry kicking Robert, Ellen and Becky out. Gerry stops and searches for Jensen, placing a hand on his shoulder and addressing everyone.“Sorry for the awkward moment. But it was inevitable. Robert and Ellen disrespected Jensen and I won’t admit that in my house. As you all probably already know, Jensen is Jared’s boyfriend. And yes, he’s in a wheelchair, obviously. We installed a lift outside so he would be able to get into our house more easily and safely. But most of all, he’s a very decent young man. Jensen is our guest and has already become a part of our family. Jensen is very dear to us and I wouldn’t admit that he stayed locked inside the bedroom because people were rude to him here. I guess it’s not that hard to respect people here, we’re all a family. You’re all meeting Jensen now and he will be a permanent feature in this house. I won’t admit any disrespect towards him, understood? Just so we are all clear.”Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement, and Jared’s heart somersaults with love for his father. He could never expect such respect towards Jensen coming from him and his mother, he truly won the lottery. He looks at Jensen who is clearly emotional and trying to keep his tears at bay. Thankfully the moment ends and the conversations resume. Jensen doesn’t bring up the subject again and Jared feels he doesn’t want to, so he just lets it go. Soon the table is all set for their late lunch, and everyone gets settled. Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand under the table as his grandfather makes a prayer, and again Jared sends his own prayer up, thanking the heavens for this incredible guy next to him.
*They leave San Antonio on the next day, late afternoon. They had a chill day, Sherry and Gerri suggested all of them go to a restaurant to have lunch before the four of them leave again, and also to give Sherri a break from cooking. The lunch was their treat, and they had a good time eating good food and talking.Both Jared and Jensen are sad to leave, despite some incidents they spent a good time in San An. Sherri again packs them lots of food to bring home, especially leftovers from yesterday, and they’re more than happy to take those. Gerry and Sherri give both of them hugs, wishing them a safe trip home, and Jensen thanks Gerry again for standing up for him.“It’s no problem, son. If you ever need me to put some folks in their place, you lemme know. Well of course you have my son there too but I’ll gladly do it too!”Jensen chuckles and they get in the car. Once everything is safely stored, they drive away. Jensen places a hand on Jared’s thigh and smiles at him.“Those were great days. It’s unbelievable how much I feel like part of your family already. Your father gives me what my father doesn't.”Jared smiles back. “Feels good to have a loving family, doesn’t it?”Jensen nods. “It definitely does.”
*They spend New Year’s Eve at Justin’s place. He and his friends throw a party and all of their friends attend since everyone is already back in town. It’s a great party, there’s lots to drink and junk food, which they all love. Jensen is already feeling less uncomfortable being around a large group of people. Some folks do look at him, mostly people who have never seen him, but Jared can see how Jensen is trying not to let it bother him. And he always follows Jared’s advice, he keeps his head high and his back straight in the chair. But Jared knows it’s not only curiosity. Jensen has dressed up for the night, both of them have. But Jensen looks ridiculously attractive tonight. Jared has convinced him to wear a dark blue henley shirt that fits his torso perfectly, accentuating his chest, strong back, big arms (which are now even bigger due to exercising and pushing his chair), a plaid flannel on top of it with the sleeves rolled up and slim jeans that also look great on him. Jared helped Jensen put those jeans on because it’s a hard task doing that with unmoving legs, and he did it gladly - it’s not that Jensen would never be able to do it by himself, but Jared volunteered for the task. And black sneakers to complete the look. Jensen has stubble on his face and he styled his hair with gel. And oh, since his lips are a bit chapped due to the cold weather, he has been applying lip balm to his already inviting plush lips.Jensen looks like sex on legs. Or wheels. He’s ridiculously attractive tonight, even more than he usually is, so the looks he gets aren’t actually because of the wheelchair. People look at Jensen with desire and Jared loves that.“You know…” Jared leans down to whisper in Jensen’s ear, both already tipsy from having a healthy dose of beer. “You look so fucking hot tonight, Ackles. Have you noticed how people are staring at you? It’s because you look like a Greek God.”Jensen scoffs. “Jay, please.”“I’m not kidding.” Jared sits sideways on Jensen’s lap, who wraps an arm around his waist. Jared closes the distance and kisses Jensen, who frames his face with a hand. “Sadly for them, they can only stare because,” Jared murmurs as he kisses the corner of Jensen’s mouth, “I…” another kiss, “... do not…” one more kiss, “...share.”Jensen pulls back, his pupils dilated. “Aren’t you a possessive little shit?”Jared scoffs. “Because you’re an adorable pain in my ass.”Jared feels himself growing hard inside his pants, and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of everyone but Jensen drives him insane. He trails a finger down Jensen’s neck to the base of it, giving him a suggestive look.“Remember that day when you caught me with Stephen at that frat party? And you said you took Danneel to a room to fuck her?”Jensen licks his lips and nods. “Yes. Because I wanted to secretly fuck you but couldn’t.”Jared feels himself grow even harder and pushes his hand on his groin, Jensen following the movement and squeezing Jared’s hip. “Well… maybe tonight we could see about changing that? Create new memories?”Jensen nods, licking his bottom lip deliberately and Jared follows the movement. “You think there’s a downstairs bedroom in this house?”Jared jumps from his lap, pulling his hand. “Let’s go check it out.”As it turns out there are no bedrooms downstairs, much to Jared’s disappointment and slight desperation since he’s trying to disguise his hard-on. Jensen pulls his hand to get his attention and makes a motion with his head, showing Jared the door.“Come with me.”Jared follows Jensen outside, wondering where his boyfriend is going. Thankfully the night isn’t too cold so it’s safe to be outside. They pass by some people here and there with drinks in their hands, and Jensen goes toward a darker area with some trees. Jared understands immediately and Jensen works harder to navigate the uneven ground. He looks up at Jared.“Wanna help me out here, please? Just so we get there faster?”Jared doesn’t have to be told twice, he grabs the handlebar on the back of Jensen’s chair and pushes him towards a particularly large tree, rounding it so they’re out of sight from everyone in the party. Jensen spins his chair around so he’s facing Jared, who sits on Jensen’s lap, straddling him.Jared attacks Jensen’s mouth, grabbing his face with both hands, and Jensen’s hands make their way under Jared’s shirt, crawling up his back. Their kiss is harsh and demanding, Jared thrusts his groin on Jensen’s, his dick painfully hard in his jeans.“God Jensen…” he murmurs as he kisses Jensen’s jaw, leaving some bite marks on the way. “You’re always hot but tonight you look almost… forbidden. Those people looking at you definitely wanted a piece of you. You have no idea how insanely gorgeous you are tonight.”“Jay…” Jensen murmurs as he throws his head back, exposing his neck so Jared can attack it too. Meanwhile, his hands leave Jensen’s face and travel south, his thumbs rubbing over Jensen’s hard nipples over the fabric of his shirt. “Oh God, yes.” Jared smiles into Jensen’s skin and rubs harder, he knows how oversensitive Jensen’s nipples are and how he feels pleasure when Jared rubs them over fabric, it’s something very erotic for Jensen and Jared loves doing it.“I mean it, Jen.“ Jared’s voice is almost a whisper into Jensen’s skin by now, and his nipples get even harder. Jensen buries his nails on Jared’s back, almost painfully, which turns him on even more. “You think people only look at you because of your chair, but that’s not true. I saw the looks tonight like I told you already. They want you, Jen. Danneel wanted you too. You know how damn gorgeous you are. Some people don’t mind the wheelchair if they get what’s in it. Like yourself. But know what?” Jared pushes Jensen’s henley up, exposing his torso. He leans down and deliberately licks around the areola of his left nipple while still playing with the other. “I got here first. Thank God.”Jensen moans as Jared works his nipples. “You’re not behind either, Jay. Can’t believe I scored the hot power forward,” he moans and Jared chuckles.“Can you feel how hard I am for you, Ackles?” Jared finishes with Jensen’s nipples and returns to his mouth, thrusting again into Jensen. “Can you? I’m aching only for you.”Jensen nods. “I can. But I want to feel that even more. Come on, get up.”Jared does as Jensen commands and stands up. Jensen pushes him against the tree and looks up.“When you were making out with that dude outside the house, I was so pissed because I wanted to take his place. Tonight it’s my turn with you, Padalecki.” Jensen unbuckles Jared’s belt and opens the fly of his pants. “Out in the open like this, where anyone could see us.” Jensen pushes down his pants and boxers down to his knees. “And you know what? Part of me wishes someone would.”Jared feels so hard right now he could cut some diamonds. “God, please. I don’t care if the whole party watches, just suck me already please.”Jensen chuckles and repositions himself to do the job better. He wheels as close to Jared as his chair allows, then takes his legs off the footplate and places them on each side of Jared’s on the ground, probably for stability as well. He wheels the last inches closer and locks his brakes, trapping Jared with the movement, and Jared absolutely loves it. Jensen places a hand on Jared’s upper thigh and grabs his hard cock with the other. Jared has to fight his instincts so he doesn’t come just with Jensen’s thick fingers around him. Jensen closes the distance and captures Jared’s dick in his mouth, the warmth encasing him, and Jared bangs his head against the tree as he swallows hard. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands so he grabs Jensen’s shoulders as his boyfriend very slowly licks around the shaft, coating it with his saliva at the same time as he fondles his balls, a finger lightly pressuring his hole.“Holy shit Jensen, holy SHIT!”Jensen chuckles and Jared feels the movement of his throat around his dick. Drops of sweat trail down his forehead, Jensen sucks on the mushroom head and Jared feels himself leaking with precome. His breathing becomes more elaborate as his chest rises up and down rapidly, Jensen increasing the pace. His head bobs back and forth a couple of times and he pulls out just enough to look up at Jared, his dick resting on the side of Jensen’s face.“Thrust Jared, come on. Don’t hold back, just gimme.”Jared nods and does as asked, he thrusts his hips forward and his dick hits the back of Jensen’s throat, who keeps on sucking him. Jared watches through half-closed lids as those absurdly plush lips wrap so perfectly around his aching shaft, like they were made just for that. Jared feels his orgasm building inside of him, stronger and stronger as he keeps thrusting into Jensen’s mouth, and when Jensen inserts just the tip of his index finger into Jared’s ass, he finally can’t take it anymore. His orgasm hits so strongly that his whole body tingles and his vision darkens, Jensen coaxes Jared’s dick as he shoots his load inside his mouth, and Jensen takes it greedily while looking up, those intense eyes staring at Jared even in the darkness. Jared frames Jensen’s face as he swallows, eyes never leaving the other.When Jared is finally done and his dick goes limp, Jensen swallows the last bit and pulls out, still holding his member with a hand. “I can totally see an advantage in sitting down. I can be at the perfect eye level for this.”Jared chuckles and it feels as if his legs will give out at any moment, and he supports himself completely against the tree. “I think you killed me. You’re not the only one of us who can’t walk right now.”Jensen laughs and unlocks his brakes, wheeling backward and placing his legs back on the footplate. He quickly pulls Jared’s jeans and underwear up, making sure his belt is buckled. Jared doesn’t make any effort to hold himself up anymore, he just slides down the tree and sits down on the ground. Jared offers a hand to Jensen.“Come here.”Jensen frowns. “You may need to help me back up, the ground is too uneven.”Jared makes a grabbing motion with his hand. “Just come here, Jensen.”Jensen obeys and once more locking the brakes, gets down on the ground. They shift a bit so that Jensen can rest his back against the tree, positioning himself so he’s sitting sideways between Jared’s legs, both of his bent over Jared’s left leg. Jared wraps his arms around him and they resume their making out session, Jared tasting the remains of his come in Jensen’s mouth. He brings his hand down and presses it against Jensen’s dick, pulling away from him an inch.“Want me to make you hard too?”Jensen shakes his head. “No need to. It was just great for me already.”“You sure?”Jensen nods with a smile. “Of course. Just you working on my nipples is a huge turn-on. Plus, your pleasure is my pleasure, love. You know I can’t come and have no idea if I ever will, so I’m not on edge or anything. I’m perfectly fine with just this tonight.”Jared nods back and gives Jensen another kiss. “God, Jensen,” Jared whispers as they pull apart an inch once more. He frames Jensen’s face and they look intensely at each other. “I love you so much you have no idea. This was one of the wildest things I’ve ever done and I loved every moment. I can’t even explain how much I love you.”Jensen smiles and gives Jared a chaste kiss. “Who could tell that there was more to that bickering huh? I knew you secretly wanted me to fuck you instead of Stephen. And I love you too, my dear. And not just because you helped me so much this past year. But because you are you. My beautiful little shit chatterbox Padalecki. That was the best way to put an end to this year.”Jared chuckles and they stay like this a while longer, just enjoying each other away from everyone’s eyes. Eventually, Jensen says he needs to empty his bladder since he had too much beer and he can feel how it’s full.“Do it here,” Jared suggests and Jensen lifts both eyebrows.“You’re suggesting I pee here??”Jared shrugs. “So what? Don’t you have a catheter in your backpack over there? I don’t mind, Jen. It’s much easier than going all the way to the bathroom which isn’t even adapted. It’s just us. Think of it as going behind a tree to piss like you would normally do. To be honest I also need to pee, so let’s both of us do it our way.”Jensen studies Jared for a moment and finally nods. He scoots a bit away from Jared and reaches for his chair, unlocking the brakes and turning it around so he can access the backpack hanging from it. He grabs his supplies like hand sanitizer, gloves, and a catheter. Jensen cleans his hands thoroughly and keeps his back to Jared as he does the whole process, and Jared turns the other way to pee as well, kneeling on the ground. Soon Jensen has emptied his bladder on the grass and after sanitizing his hands again he stores the used items in a small trash bag he also carries in his backpack. Jensen turns around to face Jared again with a small smile. “Thanks, Jay. I really like how we can be intimate like this and not be weird.”Jared shrugs. “It’s just natural bodily fluids. And I also like how it’s easy between us. Wanna go back now? Midnight is approaching soon.”Jensen nods and Jared gets up first, then bends down to wrap both arms under Jensen and carries him to his chair, carefully placing him in it. Jensen wheels himself on the way back, he’s a bit slower navigating the uneven ground and Jared just follows his pace walking right next to him. Both quickly hit the closest bathroom to wash their faces and hands, making sure they’re presentable. As they exit the bathroom Justin is passing by and he gives them a smirk.“Where did the lovebirds take off to? You guys pretty much disappeared!”“We were making out behind a tree outside since this house has no bedrooms on the first floor. What a shame Hartley,” Jared says matter-of-factly.Justin’s eyes almost pop out of the sockets, Jensen is surprised too and Jared just laughs. “Sorry dude,” Justin says as he lifts both palms in front of him. “I’ll make sure there are proper accessible accommodations for you guys to make out comfortably next time you come over.”“We appreciate that.”Justin leaves with his face all red, and Jensen laughs out loud. “That was blunt.”“I need to make sure the needs of disabled people are tended to.”“Fair enough.”When midnight approaches, everyone gathers around the living room for the countdown. Jared grabs two flutes of cheap champagne and sits sideways on Jensen’s lap. They all scream the countdown together and when it reaches one Jared fuses his mouth with Jensen’s. They pull apart and press their foreheads together.“Happy New Year love,” Jared says as he offers his flute to Jensen to drink. Jensen does the same and they share another kiss as they kiss again. “How are you feeling about starting a brand new year?”Jensen rubs Jared’s back. “I’m feeling hopeful. I’m leaving the hardest year of my life behind, the year where everything changed. But also the year I got amazing things, things I could never dream of. I’m ready for another page, to move forward. Especially with you.”Jared smiles. “Hmm, I agree. I’m very grateful for this year because I got you. And I’m looking forward to the future, always with you my adorable Cheesy Wheelies. May we share many more new years together, until we’re old and wrinkly.”
*Later as they’re finally in bed, Jared is feeling pleasantly lightheaded but already much less drunk than he was at the party, he’s tired but happy to be starting a new year with Jensen by his side. He recollects the events from the party and chuckles as he remembers Justin all flustered after Jared told him what they were up to.“What’re you laughing about?” Jensen asks as he scoots a bit closer to Jared.“Just remembering Justin’s face knowing what we were up to. That was hilarious.”Jensen smiles. “It was. Justin is a nice guy, I’m glad he became our friend.”Jared agrees. “He is. And well, like I said, he gave me the incentive to try my luck with you.” Jensen nods and suddenly becomes pensive, a frown forming on his forehead. “What is it?”Jensen bites the inside of his cheek as if he’s wondering what to say. “I… well, I have a confession to make.”Jared lifts an eyebrow. “Okay?”“It’s about Justin… I haven’t had the chance to bring it up yet but I think I should tell you now.”Jared’s heart skips a beat and his eyes widen. He lifts his torso on the bed and supports himself on his elbow. “Did Justin do or say something to you?”Jensen shakes his head and mirrors Jared’s position, both with their elbows on the pillows. “God, no. Justin is a great guy. It doesn’t have to do with him per se, it’s about me. He doesn’t even know he’s involved in this.”“Okay Jensen, now I’m really curious.”Jensen chuckles. “It’s just that… well. I need to confess how fucking jealous I was of you and Justin when he first arrived here. I thought you guys had something going on in Paris and it drove me insane. I was already head over heels for you and it killed me to think a guy you had something with was coming back.”Jared frowns. “But why would you think I had something with Justin? Did I ever give you any indication that we had something? Because we never did. As far as I know, Justin likes girls.”Jensen shakes his head. “No, you didn’t. Okay, time for me to tell you something else you don’t know.” He takes a deep breath and starts playing with the fine hair on Jared’s chest as he speaks, not meeting Jared’s eyes. “The day I had my accident, I was at the bar getting shitfaced. I already had a lot to drink and I went to the bathroom. As I got out, I wanted to take some time before I went back to my friends. So I opened my phone and started checking my Instagram. As I scrolled down, I don’t know why a post from you appeared. We didn’t follow each other, it was probably a suggested post because some friends in common had liked the photo. Call it the worst timing in the world. Anyway, it was a picture of you at some party in Paris, and you had your arms around a blonde dude. You guys seemed pretty close and I saw red. I locked my phone and went back to my friends, having even more drinks because everything was piling up. You know the rest already. Anyway, I had forgotten about that completely until Justin showed up at our doorstep. I immediately recognized him from that post, so I assumed you had something going on. I felt even a bit out of place as if he would be a much better match for you than the gimp over here. I don’t think like that anymore but yeah, I did at the time.”Jared shakes his head. “Oh God no Jen, like I said Justin and I never ha–” Jared stops talking and all the color drains from his face, his heart skipping a few heartbeats as something that Jensen said registers. “Wait a second. Did… did you get drunk that night and had that car accident because of my picture with Justin? Was it because of me that… that you…”Jared thinks his pressure is dropping and he’s about to faint and apparently Jensen senses it too. He places his open palm on Jared’s chest and gives him an intense look.“No. No. God Jay, no. I didn’t mean that. You had nothing to do with my accident okay? Absolutely nothing, not even indirectly. I was already pretty drunk when I saw the photo. And me going to the race afterward was my choice too. It wasn’t the first time I did that, I told you. I had made that deadly combination more times in the past. I was just more pissed that night.”Jared blinks a few times, tears threatening to form behind his eyes. “But Jen… even if I had a small participation in that decision, to push you over the edge to go do something stupid, I–”Jensen’s hand travels up and frames Jared’s face, he caresses his cheek with a thumb. “Jay, please. I didn’t tell you this to make you upset. I just wanted to share this bit of information with you. You didn’t push me over the edge. And even if by any chance that was the case, it wouldn’t be your fault by far. It’s not like you posted that picture to tease me. You didn’t write a caption like ‘Hey Jensen this is me enjoying my time in Paris with my new boyfriend so fuck you very much, I’m better off away from you’ or some shit like that. You were simply posting a picture with your friends, how the hell could you know I would see it? We didn’t even follow each other, it was just a huge coincidence that your post appeared to me at that moment. I never, never blamed you for what happened, it didn’t even cross my mind. The only person I blame other than myself is Alan. I was the direct responsible and he was the indirect one. Just us. Like I said, I had already done that before, getting drunk and behind the wheel. It was my wrong choice, me being reckless and not caring about the consequences of my actions. You have absolutely nothing to do with it. I’m only thankful for you helping me get my life back after everything and being by my side through it all.”Jared blinks a few times, trying to calm himself down. “You promise? Because I’d never forgive myself if I had something to do with your accident, even indirectly.”Jensen leans closer and kisses Jared chastely. “I promise, love. Like I said, I simply wanted to tell you this because I don’t want to keep anything from you. I was jealous of you and Justin but that’s in the past. And also give you more info about that night that changed everything, how you were there indirectly without even meaning to. But it’s all in the past now. What matters is right now, that we’re together and love each other. That we are starting a whole new year together with lots of possibilities. I feel like leaving the hardest year of my life behind and hopefully starting something even better.”Jared finally manages to smile and kisses Jensen again. “Okay then. I believe you. And right back at you, to me what matters is both of us starting a new year together. I wouldn’t want anyone else on the planet to be with, other than you.” Jensen smiles back and Jared has an idea. “Can I take a picture of us now to post?”Jensen lifts both eyebrows. “Really? We have one from the party, we’re at least all dressed up!”Jared reaches for his phone, checking the picture Justin took. Jared is sitting on Jensen’s lap, giving him a kiss. “Yeah, that’s a good one. But I also want to post one from right now. Is it okay?”Jensen nods and Jared opens his camera. The bedside lamp is on, bathing the room in a soft light and it’s just perfect. Jared prepares for the photo and shouts SAY CHEESY WHEELIES!, prompting Jensen to smile and Jared kisses his temple as he snaps the picture. It turns out perfect, and Jensen agrees it’s a gorgeous pic. He also decides to share it and Jared just makes the post adding Jensen so it appears on both accounts. He adds the two pictures and a caption, along with two emojis: one of a cheese and another of the wheelchair blue symbol.
Starting a New Year together with the love of my life, and boy if I'm not one lucky dude. Life has some crazy turns when the love of your life ends up being the last person you imagined. I’m ready for 365 new days with you and hopefully, we can multiply that by infinity. I love you, Ackles. Happy New Year and off we go to new adventures together!
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jensen
A few days after the year starts, classes return. Jensen is happy for the first time about going back to college since now he’s studying something he really likes instead of boring business like before. Jensen is doing very well in his classes, he’s dedicating himself to being the best he can be. He already managed to catch up after starting the semester late, and he’s eager to learn some more.And of course there’s wheelchair basketball which is the best part. Jensen is learning to love it, and he’s getting better at it. Of course, a part of him will always miss being able to run, jump and dunk, but this way of playing is amazing too. Just the fact that Jensen can still have the sport he loves the most in his life even after losing the ability to walk is incredible. He has been learning a lot from his teammates who are of course much more experienced and skilled than him, Jensen is always eager to learn whatever new skill they show him. As it turns out, Jensen is finding out he’s a great wheelchair player just like he was when he was able-bodied. He’s constantly receiving praise from his coach and also Jeff, as well as his teammates. One of them even joked that he couldn’t even be sorry for Jensen’s accident since the team got the best player from the university to play for them, and Jensen could even be bothered by it if it wasn’t someone just like him saying it. He totally gets where the guy was coming from.Jensen still plays with Jared often, and he doesn’t ever want to stop. It’s their sacred time together when they get to be J-Squared. Jensen loves playing with the team, of course he does. It’s like getting part of his old self back, still being part of a team. But playing with Jared is his favorite. They managed to find their chemistry again in this new way of playing, sitting instead of standing, and they’re as perfect together as they used to be. Jensen just wishes he could still play with Jared in a team, but he knows he can’t have everything and it’s okay. Just the fact that they can still play together and Jared has no problem sitting in a wheelchair to play with Jensen is amazing enough. Jensen is thankful he fell in love with a sport that has an adapted version to it, it would be much worse if it was something he truly couldn’t do anymore.On the first practice after the holiday break, coach Jim talks to the team about their first match of the year in about two weeks, which is an important one against Dallas of all teams. So far Jensen hasn’t played the official matches, he has been only practicing with the team so he can get used to it and slowly get ready for a real game. The coach turns to him.“Jensen, you’re gonna be in the lineup to start the game.”Jensen’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really coach? You think I’m ready to start the game?”Jim nods. “Definitely. You’ve been doing great at practice and I want to test you in a real match. You will start playing and we’ll see how it goes. Depending on your performance I’ll replace you or you can play the whole match. We’ll see as it goes. You up to it?”Jensen nods and he’s very nervous about it. It will be his first match after his injury, his first official match as a wheelchair player. He isn’t completely positive he can do it but if the coach trusts him, Jensen will give his best. He looks at Jeff, standing next to Jim, and his former coach gives him an encouraging nod. So Jensen gives Jim his okay. “I am, coach. Count me in.”*Practice ends and Jensen is so anxious to tell Jared the news. His boyfriend is meeting him at the court so they can have their own practice after he leaves his shift at the clinic, so Jensen grabs something to eat at the cafeteria and then returns to the court to meet with Jared. He changes into the J-Squared jersey that Jared gave him for Christmas, and soon Jared arrives. He kisses Jensen and quickly changes into the jersey as well. They practice a bit like this before Jared grabs a wheelchair for himself, and as they make a pause Jensen finally breaks the news.“I have something to tell you.”Jared raises an eyebrow. “Shoot.”“We’re having our first match in about two weeks, against Dallas, here. And Jim said he’s putting me in the lineup. I’m gonna start the match, Jay!”Jared brings both hands to his mouth and his eyes widen. “Jensen, that's so fantastic! I’m so fucking happy for you!”Jared sits sideways on Jensen’s lap and hugs him tight, Jensen reciprocates it. “I’m so nervous about it,” he says as they pull apart. “I’m not completely convinced I am qualified for this but Jim thinks I can do it, Jeff too.”“Of course you can! Jensen, you’re amazing. I’m not saying that because I get to see you naked and stuff, but you’re the best player on the team, even if you just arrived. They all know that. You’re gonna be amazing!”Jensen nods. “You’ll be there, right?”Jared gives him a bitchy face. “Are you seriously asking that question?”Jensen chuckles. “Just making sure.”“Let’s invite our friends to come too. You need to talk to your brother, he said he wanted to come. Are you gonna invite your mother?”Jensen shakes his head. “No. It’s clearly not important to her, so there’s no reason I should tell her. I just need you here with me, that’s what matters.”“I’ll be here with pompoms. And I’m under the impression that a lot of people will come to see you play, Jen. They really miss watching you.”Jensen shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. I hope my chair is ready by then.” Jensen has bought a sports wheelchair for himself. He had thought about it and talked to Jared since a chair like that isn’t cheap. But when it became clear that Jensen would be practicing wheelchair basketball in the long run, he knew it was time. It was one thing to grab a chair for practice once in a while, but Jensen really needed one custom-made for him, just like his own everyday chair. It’s important that the chair is built to accommodate Jensen’s body perfectly, plus Jensen wanted a more modern sports chair for his new career. Jared had asked if Jensen would like for him to help with money, or if he would talk to Josh, but Jensen denied both suggestions. This was something Jensen wanted to buy on his own. Josh has been helping a lot with the medical expenses and also giving him the Firefly. Jensen was able to save the money he would use to buy that, and since he has been making a good amount with his arts and not paying college tuition, he was able to gather enough money for a good sports chair. He went to the store with Jared a few days ago and ordered it, they took his measures and Jensen is expected to receive it in a few days. He truly hopes he already has it for the game.“I’m sure it will. We can call them tomorrow and see if they have an estimated date to deliver it. Okay now let’s practice since you have a game soon!”
*A few days later Josh and Kelly invite Jensen and Jared to come to dinner at their place, claiming they have something to talk about. Jensen is curious to know what it is about, and it’s also a good opportunity to invite them to his first match in person. So Jared drives them on Friday evening, and soon they arrive at his brother’s place. After all the greetings Josh and Kelly suggest they go to the living room so they can talk some. Kelly has prepared a small charcuterie board and offers them wine, which Jared refuses since he’s driving, and accepts only water. Jared never drinks if he’s driving, Jensen knows he does it especially because of him. It would even be okay if Jared had a glass of wine now since they won’t be leaving for at least a couple of hours, plus there will be dinner, but Jared is always adamant and Jensen respects it. He likes how Jared doesn’t bend this rule after what happened to Jensen.They all get settled, Jensen gets to the couch and Jared sits next to him, while Josh and Kelly sit on the armchairs. Josh asks how Jensen has been doing, and he shares the news with his brother and Kelly.“I’ll play my first official match with the wheelchair team next Saturday. Coach said I’ll be in the lineup to start the game, I’m nervous but also excited. I wanted to see if you guys are free that day, maybe you’d like to come?”Josh opens up a smile. “Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m so happy for you, it’s great that you’re finally becoming an official player on the team, I’m sure you’re gonna rock! Just tell us the time and we’ll be there. Right, love?”Kelly nods, also smiling. “Of course Jensen. It’s our pleasure to watch your first match, and hopefully many more!”Jensen feels truly happy to know his brother is staying true to his word to come and watch his game. Josh has never been to one before, always too busy with his career, so it’s good to see that he has really changed. “Awesome, it’s gonna be very important to have you guys there. Okay so, what would you like to talk about?”Josh looks at Kelly and takes her hand, both sharing a sweet smile. Josh looks at Jensen again. “Well, Kelly and I are arranging everything for our wedding. It will happen in about four months, it will be a smaller affair and only now we’re starting to send out invitations to the small number of people we want there with us.”Jensen smiles widely, and he can see Jared smiling too. “That’s great, guys! So I hope we’re here for our invitation, then?”Josh nods. “Well, kind of. Actually, I wanted to invite you to be my best man, Jensen.”Jensen’s eyes almost fall out of their sockets. “What?? Are you serious? Me? Your best man?”“Well, of course. You’re my brother, and we have a much closer relationship now. It’s only natural that I invite you.”Jensen frowns. “But… I assumed maybe you would invite one of your close friends, like from college and stuff.”Josh shrugs. “Well, yeah. I’ll have a couple of friends of mine as groomsmen. But I want you there next to me as my best man.”Jensen feels uncertain about the whole thing. He’s honored of course, but there are the obvious matters. “But… wouldn’t it be weird? Me next to you at the altar? I mean, I can’t even stand next to you. I’m just thinking it would be odd with me being in the wheelchair and all.”Josh leans forward. “Jensen, I don’t care about it. I don’t care if you’re standing or sitting next to me, all I want is for you to be there.”Jensen still has his doubts. “Okay but… would I be paired up with the maid of honor as we walk down the aisle? Wouldn’t that be weird as I roll down the aisle? Plus there’s the dance too. Sorry, it’s not that I don’t want to do it, I’d love to be your best man, Josh. I’m just trying to figure it out. Also, I’d probably ruin the pictures if I’m there in the wheelchair next to everyone else.”This time it’s Kelly who answers. “Yes Jensen, we would pair you up with my cousin, who’s like a sister to me and the maid of honor, to go down the aisle. We have already talked to her, she knows you’re in a wheelchair and she’s totally fine with it. She’s a very nice girl, I promise. She can walk next to you, no problem. We made sure that the venue we chose is accessible, Josh was very adamant about that, even regarding steps to go up the altar. We chose a place where you won’t have to worry about it. It’s a beautiful place by the lake, you guys will love it. Also don’t worry about the dance, we’re not making any demands in that regard. And oh my God, you won’t ruin any photos. I’m not a bridezilla who needs everything symmetric and perfect. All I care about is that our loved ones are there. We insist that you be there next to Josh as his best man. It’s very important to him and me as well. Please?”Jensen looks at Jared, who squeezes his hand. “You know the answer, love. I mean, will I be jealous of seeing you all handsome wheeling down the aisle next to a hot chick? Yeah, very likely. But also proud because the hot dude is my boyfriend.” Jared looks at Kelly. “Make sure your cousin knows the hot best man is taken, please.”Kelly laughs out loud. “Oh she knows, don’t worry! She wouldn’t even dream of it!”Jensen smiles and finally nods. “Okay, if you guys don’t mind my ride here, then yes, Josh, I’d love to be your best man.”Josh smiles and walks over to give Jensen a hug. Jensen feels happy with the task, it’s great that he managed to build a relationship with his brother. It’s another good thing that came out of his accident. Kelly hands Jared and Jensen a beautiful invitation addressed to both of them and Jensen feels all warm inside.A while later as they sit down for dinner, Jensen addresses an important matter. “Will Mom and Dad be there?”Josh shrugs. “Well, that’s complicated. I didn’t want to invite Dad, but I don’t know how to invite Mom without him. I'll probably sit down and have a talk with them. I’ll say they can be there, but they need to behave, especially Dad. I’ll make it clear to him that he’s not to get near you or talk to you because I don’t want to see you down on my wedding day. And if he breaks that rule I’ll have him be escorted out. So we’ll see. I hope it’s okay that he will maybe be there. I mean, after I left the company I’m not sure he will, but it’s a possibility.”Jensen nods. He can live in the same place as his father for one night, for the sake of his brother. He won’t miss the happiest day of Josh’s life because of his father, and if Alan has a problem with him, it’s definitely his problem. “Fine. Just please, if he’s really coming make sure it’s drilled in his head that he isn’t supposed to get near me. I don’t want to talk to him at all.”Josh nods. “Noted.”“I’ll be posing as Jensen’s bodyguard to make sure he’s not disturbed by the wrong kind of audience,” Jared adds with a straight face, and everyone can’t help but laugh. Jensen starts getting excited at the prospect of playing such a huge part in his brother’s life, and he swears to himself he will be the ‘best best man’ possible.*The day of the match finally arrives and Jensen can barely sleep the night before. Jared senses his nervousness and keeps him company, always supporting Jensen. He makes breakfast for them in the morning, forcing Jensen to eat some since he needs to be well-fed for the match later.“What if I suck?” he asks Jared as he’s arranging his duffel, the fear strong inside of him.Jared sits on his lap. “There’s no way you’ll suck. You’re the best b-ball player I’ve ever seen, and you’re just as awesome sitting down as you were standing up. The coach chose you to start the match for a reason, Jen. You’re brilliant. But hey, this is only your first game. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’re only getting started, and it doesn’t matter how it goes, I’ll be there to cheer you on. Just the fact that you’re back on the court barely a year after your injury is amazing. I’m so damn proud of you Jen, it doesn’t matter what happens. You are building your life again after a devastating injury. You’re putting yourself out there again. You’re amazing, Jen.”Jensen nods. It does feel amazing to look back and see everything he has conquered already. “Thanks, Jay. For always supporting me. I wouldn’t be here without you.”Jared smiles and kisses Jensen. “Okay, so shall we get going? Your practice is starting soon.”Jensen nods as Jared gets up from his lap, so he can finish packing everything. Jared is dropping him off at campus since he has a last practice with the team, and Jared is going later. All their friends will be there too, Chris, Steve, Justin, Chad and Sophia. As well as Josh and Kelly, of course. Jensen feels incredibly happy that he will have people who care about him going to his first game.Jensen places his duffel on his lap and follows Jared to the car. Soon they get to the campus and Jared says goodbye to him with a sweet kiss. Jensen gets to the court and goes to the locker room so he can change. Some of his teammates are already there and manage to put Jensen at ease since it’s obvious he’s nervous. Jeff shows up bringing Jensen’s new chair, which he keeps stored at the court since it’s much easier. Jensen finally got his sports chair a few days ago, and it was definitely an incredible investment. Not only is the chair even faster than the one he has been using since it’s brand new, modern, and incredibly light, but it also fits his body perfectly which is the most important thing. Jensen has been able to play even better and move faster after he got his own customized chair.They practice for a while and then go back to the locker room to wait for the game. Coach Jim gives them a lecture and Jensen finally gets dressed in his brand new uniform, with his name on the back. It’s a special moment for him, the last time he had a jersey with his name on it was before his injury. He can’t believe he has already reached a position in the main team again only a year later.Finally, it’s time to go back to the court for the game. Dallas is announced first, and then it’s their time. When Austin is announced, a roar is heard on the court. Jensen wheels on it and as he takes a look around, his jaw drops. The bleachers are completely packed with people. He has watched a few wheelchair games, and he knows it’s not usually like this. It’s only this crowded when it’s the main team playing, and he wonders why everyone is here now.It becomes pretty clear the reason for all those people being here today when everyone starts chanting ACKLES! ACKLES! ACKLES!They’re here for him.Jensen is taken aback for a moment. He can’t believe everyone came to see him, he’s flattered but at the same time, he gets even more nervous. He wheels to the sidelines searching for Jared and finds his boyfriend getting up from the lowest section of the bleachers and running towards him with a huge smile on his face. He’s wearing a shirt that says Ackles is #1, and Jensen is even more flabbergasted.“Hey, Jen! Did you see how many people came to see you? I told you everyone wanted to watch your comeback!”Jensen gives him a nervous smile as Jared hugs him. “That’s insane! Where did you get that shirt?”Jared wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m full of surprises. Speaking of, some people came to see you today!”Jared makes a motion with his hand, and Jensen’s jaw drops for the third time as he sees none other than Sherri and Gerry sitting right next to where Jared was. They’re also wearing matching shirts, as well as their friends who are sitting nearby. He has to swallow down a few tears as Jared’s parents wave at him.“Jay…I can’t believe your parents came all the way from San An! You didn’t say anything!”“Because it was a surprise, silly. They wanted to come to support you! Okay now go because the coach is calling you. You got this, love! Break a leg! Or well… maybe not. Break a wheel then!”Jensen chuckles, feeling some of the tension melting away. Jared gives him a hug and runs back to his place. Jensen waves to Sherri and Gerry, still not believing they’re here, as well as to his friends. He wheels over to where the coach is waiting with the rest of the team.After a last quick speech, they get ready for the game to begin. Jensen feels very nervous as the whistle blows and everyone starts moving around. At first, Jensen feels kind of lost, he can’t hold onto the ball long enough and misses the few attempts to shoot the ball. Dallas scores a few times and they’re losing, and Jensen panics. His hands sweat as he looks around and sees all those people around him, people that came here for him. What was Jensen thinking? His heart starts beating faster and for a moment Jensen wonders what the fuck he was thinking, he isn’t as good as those folks. He thinks he’s about to have a panic attack, all the sounds on the court muffled in his ears, but among all of that, he hears his name being called.Jensen turns around and finds Jared staring at him, he’s standing on the sideline, and shouting his name.“Jen, you got this! Come on! Remember what we did together, you can do it! Believe in yourself!”Jensen swallows hard and takes a few deep breaths. He nods and summons his inner player. He feels a chill running through his body and he knows he can do it. Jared is here, he has faith in Jensen. So he goes back to the game, mind fully focused on it, and manages to steal the ball. Jensen wheels fast towards the basket, bouncing the ball and pushing his chair as he rests it on his lap, and without much effort, he manages to shoot a hoop.He looks at Jared who blows a kiss at him.The game changes after that, Jensen gets his confidence back and the whole team feels the change. They regroup and manage to turn the game around, Jensen scores again and again and when it goes to half time Austin has a good advantage already. Jensen doesn’t even talk much during the break, he doesn’t want to lose his focus. When they go back they play even better. Jensen keeps sneaking glances at Jared, who’s constantly jumping and shouting, and Jensen feels even more fueled. Jared was right when Jensen came to watch his game for the first time. Even if they’re not physically playing together, they always play together. Jared is in here with Jensen, in every aspect. They’ll always be J-Squared, no matter what.
As the game is getting to an end, Austin is crushing Dallas and Jensen managed to score most points. The crowd again starts chanting ACKLES! ACKLES! ACKLES! and Jensen feels something inexplicable inside. He scores an amazing three-pointer one-handed and the ref ends the match, the crowd going even more insane. The team gathers around to celebrate, everyone patting Jensen on the back and saying how incredible he is. Jensen feels a surge of adrenaline he hasn’t felt in ages, he feels so… victorious.As the team separates, Jared comes running and envelops Jensen in a bear hug. “Jen, I’m so fucking proud of you!! You’re amazing, you know that right?? You were definitely the MVP and it was only your first one! God, you’re incredible!”Jensen feels his eyes moistening up, and as they pull apart he frames Jared’s face. “You played with me today as well, Jay.”Jared smiles widely and pushes his lips against Jensen's, not caring they’re in a court packed with people. As if on cue, the crowd changes the chant and starts screaming J-SQUARED! J-SQUARED! J-SQUARED!
Jared straightens up and lifts Jensen’s arm in the air, making a gesture for everyone to scream even louder and they do.“I guess they want us to play together again,” Jared says over all the noise.“Maybe we will someday,” Jensen agrees.Jensen heads to the bleachers with Jared, where everyone is waiting for him. His friends all rush to congratulate him, and Jensen spends some time greeting everyone. Sherri and Gerry come forward and Jensen feels himself enveloped in Mama Padalecki’s arms.“Sweetie you were incredible! We’re so proud,” Sherri says with a smile as she pulls away, and Jensen hugs Gerry.“I can’t believe you guys came all the way here just to watch my game, you didn’t have to!”Gerry squeezes his shoulders. “Bullshit. Of course we would come on this special day! We thought you might enjoy the surprise.”Jensen smiles sincerely, feeling so incredibly happy that Jared’s parents drove a couple of hours to be here for him. “I did, a lot. It means a lot to have both of you here. Are you leaving today?”“Oh no honey, we’re staying the night and leaving tomorrow evening. Jared said we could stay in your guest room, I hope it’s okay!”Jensen smiles even wider. “It’s more than okay!”Jensen also spends some time talking to Josh and Kelly, his brother gives him a big hug to congratulate his victory. “That was amazing, bro! You were the best player by far! I’ll definitely come to all the matches I can!”Jensen feels happy that his brother is finally here to watch his game, after everything. They all spend some time talking, his friends and also Josh wishing to celebrate Jensen’s winning. Jared suggests they all go to their apartment if Jensen doesn’t have any plans with the team. Jensen excuses himself to go to the locker room and meets up with his teammates. Everyone is excited about their win, and again congratulate Jensen on his great match. Jim and Jeff soon join them, also praising the team for the win. Jeff squeezes Jensen’s shoulder.“That was amazing, son. I’m proud to see your comeback.”Jensen smiles at Jeff. “Thanks for the incentive, coach.”Some of the players want to go out to celebrate, but Jensen decides to pass and go have his own celebration with his family and friends. He can always hang out with them later. He grabs his duffel - Jensen always showers at home after basketball since it’s easier - and goes back to the court after saying goodbye to everyone in the locker room. Jensen gives the okay for them to go back to their apartment, and everyone heads that way. It’s a bit crowded with Jared, himself, Chris and Steve, Chad and Sophia, Justin, Josh and Kelly, Gerry and Sherri, but they manage. They have a great time together, at some point Chris and Steve leave to go get beer, soda, and pizzas, and when they return everyone makes a toast celebrating Jensen’s win. Jensen is a bit worried about Jared’s parents among all those people and noise and mess, but they seem to be enjoying themselves.Their friends and Jensen’s brother leave in the evening, everyone giving Jensen hugs and more praises. When they’re finally alone only with Jared’s parents, Jensen lets out a breath.“Wow, that was an intense day. I’m beaten.”Sherri places an arm around Jensen’s shoulder. “Today was a great day, wasn't it sweetie? I’m glad your brother was there too, at least someone from your family cares.”Jensen nods and looks up at her. “Yeah, Josh is great. We managed to build a nice relationship after my accident. Unlike my parents.”“It’s why we’re here, darling. By the way, Gerry and I wanted to take you both out for lunch tomorrow since we’re only leaving in the afternoon. To celebrate your new beginning. What do you say?”Jensen smiles and he can see Jared nodding. “We’d love to, Sherri.”*Everyone takes turns in the one bathroom, Jensen lets everyone use it first before he goes for his nightly routine. If he ever moves into another place with Jared, he will make sure to have at least two bathrooms since he takes too long in it and it annoys him. Jared and Jensen make sure the guest room is ready for Jared’s parents, and once they’re ready for bed both say good night and then head inside the room. Jensen has his bathroom time and then joins Jared in their bedroom. Before Jensen can transfer to the bed Jared sits on his lap, giving him a sweet kiss.“Finally alone. God Jen, you were so incredible today I have no words to describe it. I’m so damn proud of you and your achievements. Plus you look so hot in that uniform and playing like that.”Jensen nods and after giving Jared some attention he gently makes his boyfriend stand up so he can go fetch his duffel.“Speaking of…” he fishes out the jersey he wore to the game and hands it to Jared. “My turn now.”Jared grabs the jersey and a huge grin spreads on his face as he looks at it, what Jensen wrote in the back.
Ackles and Padalecki - Best duo ever.
“I love it Jen, so much.” Jensen can see how Jared is emotional as he sits on the bed clutching the jersey. Jensen wheels closer and transfers to the bed, pressing himself against Jared’s side and kissing his cheek.“Only fair that we exchange jerseys, right?”Jared nods. “Our precious treasures.
*The next day they go have lunch with Jared’s parents as they invited both of them. They all ride in Gerry’s SUV, which is more practical since they can fit Jensen’s chair in the trunk and the four of them can ride in the same car. Gerry lets Jared drive since he knows his way around the city more than he does, plus it’s better for Jensen to ride in the passenger seat since it has more legroom. They choose a nice steakhouse since all of them agree on that kind of food. They get accommodated at a table by the window and have a good time there. The food is great and they make another toast for Jensen - Jared drinks only water. They spend a couple of hours in the restaurant and Gerry covers the whole tab, Jared and Jensen thanking him for the invite.Everything is just perfect, but of course, it doesn’t last too long. As the four of them leave the restaurant to go towards the car, Jensen’s stomach drops as he sees two people walking toward them, and he stops to a halt.“Oh shit.”Jared looks at him with a frown. “What?” Jensen makes a motion with his head, and Jared’s jaw drops. “Oh shit.”“What is it, sweetie?” Sherri asks and Jensen clears his throat.“Those are my parents, probably with one of my dad’s business partners and his wife.”Before Jensen can do much, Alan and Donna spot him and things get very awkward.“Jensen, baby! What a surprise to see you here,” Donna says, trying to sound cheerful. Jensen barely nods at her, then looks at his father with an eyebrow raised, very curious to see what his father will do. Alan’s face turns pink and he looks very embarrassed.He turns to his partner and clears his throat. “John, this is… well…”Jensen wheels forward an inch and doesn’t let Alan finish. “I’m Jensen, Alan’s son. You probably haven’t heard about me since my dad is a bit embarrassed about having a wheelchair bound son.”“Jensen!” Alan shouts, his face turning even redder, but Jensen doesn’t back down. He has absolutely nothing to lose and his father would never attempt something out in the open.“What? I’m sure you didn’t tell your business partner or whatever the hell he is that your son became paraplegic and you started treating him like shit? Well, more than you did before that is.”Donna gasps and places a hand on her chest. “Jensen! How dare you speak to your father like this?”Jensen chuckles, but it’s completely humorless. “I’ll talk to him in any way I want. If he wants respect, he should have respected me in the first place. And who are you to talk, Mom? You never stood up for me, you saw the way Dad treated me, especially after my injury, and you never did anything. You never defended me. You didn’t even bother much with me after I moved in with Jared, almost like you were relieved that you didn’t have to deal with the burden I had become after the wheelchair. You were always too worried about your socialite friends to give two craps about me. Did you know that I had my first match in the wheelchair team yesterday? I was the MVP and we crushed Dallas, thanks for asking. You know who was with me there?” Jensen makes a motion to show Jared and his parents. “They were. Those are Jared’s parents by the way.” Jensen addresses John again. “Jared here is my boyfriend. I’m a fag too, by the way, I’m sure you wouldn’t know that.” He looks at Donna again. “They live in San Antonio, Mom. And they drove two hours to be here for me. Just to support me in my first match. And you couldn’t be bothered to reschedule lunch with your friends and drive ten minutes to watch your son making his comeback.”Donna stutters, looking clearly embarrassed. “Dear… no it’s not like that… I…”At that, Sherri steps forward and places a firm hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “You should be embarrassed of yourself, Mrs. Ackles.”Donna’s eyes widen. “Excuse me?”Gerri stands on the other side of Jensen and chimes in. “She’s right. Both of you should be. I can’t understand how you can treat your son like this. Especially you, Mr. Ackles. I wonder what is inside your chest instead of your heart, that you will treat your own son like scum. He doesn’t deserve all the crap you gave him. Especially after suffering an accident and needing y’all support more than ever.”Alan scoffs. “Did Jensen tell you how he ended up in this chair? What was he doing? He’s not innocent!”Unbelievable. His dad will never change, no matter what others say to him. Jensen opens his mouth but Gerry squeezes his other shoulder and carries on.“It doesn’t matter, Mr. Ackles. Yes, Jensen told us what he did. He was reckless, he drove under influence. He made a mistake, and don’t you think he’s already paying enough for it? It’s him in a wheelchair forever, not you. You talk like his mistake had affected you directly when it didn’t. What was the loss for you? Not getting the insurance for the totaled car? Was that more important than the well-being of your son? I can’t imagine turning your back on your own child at such a difficult moment like this. And you’re losing a great opportunity to have a relationship with your son. Jensen is an incredible young man, we welcomed him into our lives with open arms and we’re incredibly happy that our boy Jared is dating him. He couldn’t have chosen a better partner for himself. And damn right we came to Austin just to see him play because we wanted to support him like all parents should do.”Alan opens his mouth but Sherri speaks first, addressing Donna. “You know Mrs. Ackles, if I saw my boy being abused day in and day out in my own house, I’d raise hell on earth to make sure he was safe and away from whoever was abusing him. Shame on you, you shouldn’t even call yourself a mother. It’s not only about not treating your son badly. It’s about turning a blind eye to those who do, even if it’s your husband.” Sherri takes a step closer to Jensen, who can’t even say anything he’s so stunned with everything unfolding. “And I’m gonna tell you something, Donna. It’s Donna, right? Well. When I first heard that my boy was dating a man and that he was in a wheelchair on top of it, I didn’t like it one bit. I was bigoted, I thought people with disabilities were less than others. I had a whole other image of Jensen. I didn’t accept it. I even uninvited them from Thanksgiving when I learned they weren’t just friends. I was pissed. I tried to mother hen Jared so much, thinking I knew what was best for him, that I almost lost him. When I finally met Jensen, I realized I couldn’t be more wrong. I met a strong, smart, caring, brave, fierce young man, who sadly made a mistake in life and has to pay for it.”Sherri makes a pause and Jensen can see how everyone is holding a breath. “Jensen was far from what I had pictured him, and as my husband said, Jared couldn’t have chosen a better partner. And you know what else I realized? We think that things like that only happen with other people. I never had a disability as part of my life, it was something that only existed away from us. But then I saw Jensen, a young man, the same age as my son, who was also a basketball player, who had a much similar life to Jared’s, having his whole life turned upside down, I ended up realizing with a pang in my heart that it’s something that could easily have happened to Jared too. To any of my children. Could be one of them in a wheelchair for whatever circumstances, just like it was Jensen. And I realized how unfair I was. It’s not Jensen’s fault he can’t walk anymore. He’s just dealing with the circumstances life gave him, and trying to make the best with his new reality. And you know what Donna? If it was one of my kids in this situation, you can bet your pretty nails that I’d do anything in my power to make sure they were taken care of, they were loved, and supported, since I wouldn’t be able to offer them my own legs. It doesn’t matter in the slightest what they did to end up in this situation. You do what you have to do for your children. So you both should be ashamed of yourselves for treating Jensen like this. You shouldn’t even be called parents. The only good thing you did was raise an incredible boy, who still has a great life ahead. It was just his luck that he turned out the way he did, despite coming from both of you. But you don’t need to worry. You can stay far from him, it’s for the best. Gerry and I will take over from here, and we’ll make sure to offer all the love and support Jensen needs. He may not have our blood, but we sure as hell see him as our son already, as part of our family, and we truly hope he and Jared stay together forever since we choose to keep him. You can bet we’ll never let go of his hand like his own blood did.”Jensen swallows past the tennis ball lodged in his throat. He can’t believe Sherri is defending him like this. Both Alan and Donna gape like fish, not really having anything to say. Gerry steps forward.“I guess we’ll get going then. We’re leaving later today and want to spend the remaining hours with our boys before we go. Can’t say it was a pleasure meeting you because I was raised not to lie. But like my wife said, don’t worry since we plan on taking good care of your son as if he’s ours. He will always be surrounded by people who love and care for him.” Gerry turns to Jensen. “Shall we get going, son? Or is there more you’d like to add?”Jensen clears his throat and swallows down his tears, lifting his chin. “Not really. Oh, just that if you’re planning on attending Josh’s wedding, just please pretend I’m not there and don’t talk to me. I’ll appreciate it.”With that Jared - who had been standing to one side silently listening to the heated conversation - steps up and takes Jensen’s hand. Before they leave though, Jared adds his two cents as he addresses Alan directly.“Oh and pardon my French, but… va te faire foutre!”With that they start heading to the car, Sherri and Gerry following close behind. Jensen looks up at Jared, he’s shaken up but also curious.“What did you say to my dad?”Jared gives Jensen a one-sided smile. “I told him to go fuck himself.” He looks back at Sherri. “Sorry mama.”Sherri pats him on the back. “You get a pass for that, sweetie.”Jensen gets in the car, feeling a lot of emotions bubbling up inside him, but he holds them down for now. They ride home in silence, Jared holds his hand over the console and Jensen keeps his body turned towards the window, pinching his eyes shut with his fingers, trying to keep himself calm. Sherri, who’s sitting behind him, keeps a hand on his shoulder and caresses it with her thumb, which also helps Jensen to calm down.They finally arrive home and Jared is quick to fetch his chair from the trunk. Sherri opens the passenger door and they all wait patiently as Jensen gets in his chair. He keeps himself together while everyone moves inside, and Jensen goes straight to the bathroom to empty his bladder. As he does the job, Jensen can’t help the tears from falling after yet another awful encounter with his parents. He can’t understand why they, especially his father, treat him like shit.Jensen quickly finishes with his bladder routine and goes to the bedroom to fetch his hoodie, he could really use the extra level of comfort right now. Then Jensen moves to the living room, where the three Padaleckis are sitting on the couches. Jensen tries to wipe his tears as Jared pats the couch next to him. Jensen quickly transfers to it and Jared wraps him in his arms. Jensen looks at Gerry and Sherri, who are looking at him with worried expressions.“Thank you for standing up for me. It really means a lot.”Sherri sits on the coffee table and pats Jensen’s knee. “Honey, I can’t understand why parents would treat their son like that.”Jensen shrugs. “I dunno why they don’t like me. I don’t know what I did.”Sherri gets up and plants a kiss on Jensen's forehead. “It’s not your fault, dear. We can’t hold ourselves responsible for the actions of others. You’re a great boy, it’s unfathomable why they would treat you like this. But you have us now, okay? And you can always count on us, I already forbade Jared from breaking up with you.” Jensen snorts and Jared holds him closer. “I’m gonna make you boys some cookies to lift the spirits, okay?”They both nod and Sherri goes to the kitchen while the three of them watch a football game. After a while, Sherri returns with a plate full of delicious-smelling cookies, straight from the oven, and mugs of hot cocoa - Jensen understands now where Jared learned how to comfort people - and hands them to Jared and Jensen.“Thanks, Mama,” Jared says as he grabs his mug, and Jensen repeats his words before he can stop himself.“Thanks, Mama,” Jensen’s eyes widen as he realizes what he said, and clears his throat. “Sorry. I said without thinking, I’m–”But Sherri is smiling and squeezes his shoulder. “Oh dear, you can call me Mama if you want, kay? I promise it’s totally fine.”Jensen nods feeling emotional again. He feels a closure of some sort, as if he replaced his parents for Jared’s parents and he’s totally fine with it. They’re right, they might not share the same blood but that truly doesn’t matter.*On Monday there’s a basketball practice and Jensen goes out with the rest of the team afterwards to grab something to eat at a diner. He had checked with Jared if he wanted to come along but Jared said he needed to study for a test and to let him know if Jensen needed to be picked up. He spends some time chatting with some of his teammates who are now his friends, and Trevor talks to him again about motocross, which is something he had already mentioned. Trevor told Jensen how cool it is to drive ATVs on dirt roads, and it’s a great sport for wheelchair users like them since they only need hands to operate the ATV, plus the thing has four wheels and is very stable. Trevor tells Jensen that he and a couple of other teammates are going motocrossing on Saturday, and invites him and Jared to try it. Jensen had already promised to think about it, it’s definitely a big step for Jensen to drive something again. The last time was the car that crashed and changed the course of his life, so it’s not easy. Jensen tells Trevor he will talk to Jared and think some more about it.Jensen catches a ride with another of his teammates who wears a leg prosthesis. Kyle helps Jensen get his chair in and out of the car, and he thanks him for the ride as Kyle parks in front of the apartment. Jensen finds Jared on the couch having a sandwich and greets his boyfriend with a kiss before going for his bathroom time, taking a nice shower, and doing his bladder routine. When Jensen is done he joins Jared on the couch, sitting sideways as Jared pulls his legs up to rest on his lap, gently massaging his toes.“How was your day, love? Practice was good?”Jensen tells him a bit about practice and then moves to the subject of Trevor’s invitation.“Trevor asked if we wanted to go motocrossing on Saturday. Remember how he mentioned that a while ago when we went out that one time after practice?”Jared nods with a small smile. “Oh yeah. He even showed us some videos, that sounds totally cool! You wanna go?”Jensen bites the inside of his cheek. “I think I do. It sounds really cool and totally doable for me since ATVs are operated with hands. I feel like trying out new sports, just like we tried kayaking that other day.”“I totally agree, sounds pretty cool.”“Yeah… and it would be my first time driving something after my accident. It sounds a bit terrifying but it’s a good challenge for me. And also…”Jensen looks down with a frown and Jared rubs his bicep. “Hey, Jen. What is it?”Jensen lets out a sigh and looks up. “Jay, Saturday is my one-year anniversary.”Jared’s jaw drops, and Jensen doesn’t need to elaborate further. “Oh God. Already? And how do you feel about it?”Jensen shrugs. “I don’t know for sure. Weird. Seems like yesterday but also a lifetime ago. It’s weird thinking it’s only been a year since the accident but already a year at the same time.”Jared nods. “And what do you want to do? Do you feel like spending your first anniversary motocrossing? Or if you think you’d prefer to just stay here or do something else it’s okay too. We can do motocrossing any other day.”Jensen lets out a breath. “I think I want to go. It’s better than just staying here. Plus it will be kind of symbolic, you know? Go drive something for the first time on the anniversary of my car crash. I think it’s important to go.”Jared nods. “Okay then. Tell Trevor we’re in.”*Jensen becomes more introspective during the rest of the week since his first anniversary is approaching. He has been reliving everything that happened to him this past year even more, the most challenging one in his life. Jared seems to catch his mood and just offers Jensen his silent support which Jensen really appreciates.Jensen tells Trevor that Jared and he will be going motocrossing on Saturday, and his friend makes reservations for both of them. Jensen is also mentally preparing for that, he thinks it will be good. Another new thing to attempt and he’s excited.When he goes to bed with Jared on Friday night he doesn’t talk much and Jared simply keeps his arms around Jensen, once again offering comfort without words. Jensen feels weird, with many emotions inside of him. Jensen wakes up the next morning with kisses being peppered on his face. He smiles, enjoying the feeling of Jared’s warm lips on his skin.“Wake up, love. I have a surprise for you.”Jensen slowly opens his eyes and looks at Jared, who smiles at him and caresses his hair. “Feel like having breakfast in bed?”Jensen pushes himself up on his elbows and finds a tray on the bed, with eggs, toast, coffee, and muffins. He returns the smile and shares a kiss with Jared. “Thank you, love.”Jensen sits up on the bed and they eat breakfast together. Jensen doesn’t feel like talking, today is a weird day, and Jared also stays silent. He only speaks when they finish and he sets the tray aside.“So… what time do we have to be at the motocross place?”Jensen lets out a breath. “About three hours. But before we go there, I actually wanted to ask you something.”Jared’s expression turns serious as he senses the mood. “Okay, what is it?”Jensen clears his throat. “I’ve been thinking a lot this past week. About this first anniversary and everything that happened. And there’s something I really want to do. Before we go motocrossing, would you take me to the spot where I had my accident?”Jared’s eyes widen. “Are you sure, Jen? You really want to visit the site? You know it will be hard, don’t you? Especially today.”Jensen nods. “I do. Very hard. But I also know it’s important. I need to go through it. And I’d like for you to be there with me, so you can catch me. Because there’s a big chance I’ll need it.”Jared takes Jensen’s hand and kisses it. “That goes without saying, love.”*Jared drives to the place, with Jensen giving him directions. Jared holds Jensen’s hand the whole ride, and he stays silent as many things go through his mind. When Jared turns on the right road, Jensen’s heartbeat speeds up. Jared goes on for another mile and Jensen pays closer attention so he can find the right place. Jensen knows this is it when he sees the construction site, it’s still there.“It’s here Jay,” Jensen says quietly as he swallows hard. Jared drives off the road right in front of the construction site, cutting off the engine and turning to Jensen.“You wanna get out of the car?” Jared asks in a soft voice and after a couple of heartbeats Jensen nods.“Yeah, please.”Jared sets up Jensen’s chair and he gets in it. He closes the car door and takes a deep breath as he sees the place where his whole life changed exactly one year ago. He wheels forward with clammy hands and hears the sound of Jared’s steps crushing gravel just behind him. Jensen stops right next to the construction site, the old wooden ramp is still there. Jensen doesn’t remember the exact moment, his memories only go until he was in the race, then everything went black. But he can almost see the car flying over the ramp and crashing on the ground, over and over. Can almost see himself getting ejected from the car to the ground. He can’t take his eyes off the sight in front of him, and then he feels a hand on his upper back, rubbing circles in a comforting gesture. Jensen clears his throat and speaks in a husky voice.“I drove through this construction thing. The car… it went up this ramp. I was told it flipped over many times until I was ejected from it. I probably blacked out a few yards back there. It’s so weird to think a year ago I was here, it was my last moments from my old life and I had no idea that… that I…”Jensen feels his throat closing, he leans forward and grabs the frame of his chair, lowering his head. He is suddenly assaulted by a lot of conflicting emotions and his shoulders shake as Jensen lets out gut-wrenching sobs, fat tears exploding from his eyes.Jensen feels strong arms envelop him, he imagines that Jared has crouched down next to him, and he wraps his own arms around Jared. He clutches his shirt and buries his face in Jared’s neck, sobbing and shaking as he lets everything out. Eventually, he feels himself calming down and Jared pulls back carefully. He frames Jensen’s face with both hands and caresses it, wiping his cheeks tenderly.“Wanna talk about how you’re feeling? Or do you want to leave?”Jensen lets out a breath as he tries to recompose himself. “I… it’s hard to say. I’m feeling so many different things. Part of me feels devastated because I lost something so important here. I’ll never walk again, I’ll never play b-ball as I used to. My life will always be different, and it happened right here. But on the other hand, gosh. It’s so weird to think this, and if someone told me back when I woke up in the hospital almost a year ago, that I’d feel like this, I could punch that person in the face. But looking back at everything that happened this past year, I know without a doubt that this accident was the best thing that happened to me. Even if it’s so hard and I wish that I had made different choices so I could still walk, at the same time part of me wouldn’t change a thing.” He looks at Jared with big shining eyes. “Does that make sense? Is it possible to feel two completely different emotions at once?”Jared smiles and kisses Jensen’s forehead. “Of course, Jen. it’s completely understandable that you feel this way. We don’t always feel only a certain way about something. Especially something as huge as this, something that changed the whole course of your life.”Jensen nods. “Yeah. Sometimes it’s still suffocating. I can’t fathom spending my whole life like this. But slowly I’m learning that it’s actually possible, and I can be happy. This was both the hardest and most rewarding year of my life. Definitely the most important one. I’m still on my path, I’m not completely there yet. I still have a long way to go. But I’m starting to realize that what I gained outweighs what I lost by far. I lost the ability to walk and to jump and dunk a ball. Oh and to go to the bathroom as something easy. And I won’t lie, I wish those could change, of course I wish I could recover completely. But other than that, God, I got so much. I finally work with something I love and don’t need to work for my dad anymore doing something I hate. Same goes for my degree. I’m free of him, finally. I have a newfound relationship with my brother. I have new friends. I can still play basketball in another way. I’m doing so many new things that I’d never consider otherwise, I’m gaining a new outlook on life. I have a new family and a new set of parents who truly care about me. And most important Jay, I have you. I have no words to describe what you mean to me, and to thank everything you’ve done and what you are for me now. I could barely manage to be in the same room as you and now I can’t stand being away for too long.” Jensen frames Jared’s face and sees how his boyfriend’s eyes are wet with unspilled tears. “I discovered a love inside me that I could never think possible. I wouldn’t change what we have for anything. I’m so grateful for you coming into my life when I needed someone the most. I had nobody to really understand me, and you came along. Even if you had all the reasons not to give two shits about me given our past, you overlooked all of that and helped me when you truly didn’t need to. The person I least expected was the one who truly saved me in many aspects. We would never have this had I not suffered this accident. So I guess everything happens for a reason and I’m so thankful for you. I love you more than you can ever know. Thank you for coming here with me today and for catching me once again. You’re truly all that I need and I know I can handle this new life with you by my side. And also for myself. I finally feel strong and brave enough.”Jared smiles as a couple of tears fall down his face, and he pulls Jensen into another hug. “You’re the bravest person I know.”“And you’re my lighthouse. Thank you for pulling me out of the dark hole I was in. For surrounding my life with light and warmth.” Jensen pulls away and looks at Jared. “When I first learned I was paralyzed, I wished over and over I could die, I asked God to please take me. Now I’m so thankful he didn’t answer my desperate prayers. I’m happy to be here and live this life with you.”“Right back at you. There’s nobody I want by my side other than my beautiful Cheesy Wheelies.”Jensen lets out a breath and takes a look around. “And you know what? I see now that it was a blessing that I didn’t harm anyone else. Because even though I suffered for not being able to blame anyone else but me for this, I imagine now if I had caused this to someone else. I’d never forgive myself, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing someone else was going through this because of me. So I at least don’t carry this guilt.” Jared nods, squeezing Jensen’s shoulder. “I guess I’m done here. Wanna go motocrossing now?”Jared nods and stands up, brushing his pants. “Yep, let’s get ourselves on new wheelies. Onto a new J-Squared adventure!”Jensen smiles and turns his chair around, leaving the exact place where his car crashed one year ago behind him. “I do love adventures with you.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
They arrive at the motocross place and Jensen has been quiet during the ride, but it’s understandable. It’s his first anniversary so of course it’s not an easy day for him and Jared just tries to go with what Jensen needs from him. They get out of the car and meet up with Trevor and a few other teammates of Jensen, and they spend some time greeting each other. Trevor takes a closer look at Jensen and picks up on his odd mood.“You okay, bro? You seem kinda weird.”Jensen shrugs. “Today is the first anniversary of my accident. I asked Jared to take me to the place where I had the car crash, we’re coming from there. So I’m a bit all over the place today.”Trevor winces. “Oh Jensen, you should have said it. You guys could come over any other day.”“No, it’s okay. I think it will be good for me to spend my first anniversary like this. Shall we start? What do we need to do?”They all head to the office and Jared and Jensen rent the equipment to make sure they’re all safe. They dress up in heavy jackets and pants, as well as special gloves and boots. They also get a full-face helmet, of course with goggles so nothing will hit their eyes as they’re on the dirty roads. Once they’re all dressed up everyone goes to the area where the ATVs are waiting. Jared and Jensen are given a quick lesson on how to operate them since they have never done it, and then it’s finally time to get on them.“Can you get on it by yourself?” Jensen asks Trevor, eyeing the thing as if it’s Mount Everest.Trevor nods. “Yes, I can. Takes some practice though, it’s pretty heavy work. You should have Jared give you at least an impulse on your first time. Watch how I do it.”Both watch as Trevor wheels close to the left side of the ATV, positioning his chair facing it. Then he places his left leg on the foot support, and the right one stretched over the seat of it. Then he grabs onto two parts of the ATV and using an impressive amount of strength, pulls himself up. His body falls in place perfectly and in seconds he’s sitting on the ATV like it’s nothing.“Wow,” Jensen says, clearly impressed. “You’re right, I don’t think I have the strength to do that yet. Maybe if we do it again I can work on it.”“Sure you can, Jensen! Now come on!”Jensen wheels over to another ATV and Jared follows him. He positions himself in a similar way to Trevor but asks for Jared to give him a push. Jared does just that and soon Jensen is in place too.“You good?”“Yep.”Jared goes to his own ATV and everyone puts on the helmets. They start slowly as Jared and Jensen get the hang of how to drive the thing, it’s not really hard. And it’s definitely very stable, which is pretty good for Jensen. They all set off to the road, and everyone goes at a slower pace so Jared and Jensen can get used to it. Jared goes behind Jensen, so he can see that his boyfriend is doing a great job at it. Soon they increase the speed and keep going on easy routes, Jared is truly enjoying the thrill of it. At some points, Jensen and he can ride side by side as the road gets wider, and even though he can’t see Jensen’s face because of the helmet, he can tell for sure he’s having a great time. Jensen keeps shouting and throwing his arm in the air, and Jared’s heart beats faster.“This is so cool!” he shouts at some point, and Jared reaches his left hand so Jensen can take it. They squeeze each other’s hand briefly and Jared loves to feel this connection as they do something else that leaves them as equals. Just like kayaking, there’s absolutely nothing different about them right now, they are riding identical ATVs, operating them the same way, going side by side at the same eye level. It’s just perfect.
They ride for a long while until it’s finally time to go back. Everyone parks the ATVs and Jared climbs down first, taking off his helmet and going to fetch Jensen’s chair. He pushes it to the side of his ATV, finding his boyfriend holding his own helmet and with a smile on his face. Jared can’t help smiling back.“I see that you enjoyed it!”Jensen nods vigorously. “Hell yeah! That was awesome!”“Want a hand getting down?”“Yeah, please.”Jared assists Jensen and soon he’s back in his chair. Trevor and the other guys approach them, and Jensen talks to them about how much he likes driving the ATV and totally wants to do it again. Jared feels so happy seeing Jensen vibrant like this, especially on a difficult day like his first anniversary. Trevor mentions to them that the guys are planning on grabbing something to eat and they’re welcome to join. Jared and Jensen excuse themselves to change out of the protective gear and return everything they’ve rented.“You wanna go out with them?” Jared asks as they return the gear.Jensen bites the inside of his cheek. “I don’t think so. I mean, I would be game any other day but today I dunno. I was thinking about spending the rest of this day with you. That okay?”“Of course it is!”They say goodbye to their friends, Jensen asking for a raincheck and promising to come back soon. They get in the car and as Jared starts the drive, he turns to Jensen.“You feel like going somewhere to eat? My treat. We could kinda celebrate this first year of yours. Only if you want, of course.”Jensen considers it for a couple of seconds and nods. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that. You choose the place, you know what I like and I trust your good taste.”Jared decides to go to the restaurant by Lake Austin, the place they went to right after they slept together for the (second) first time and they had a great time there. Jensen likes the suggestion and soon they arrive. They manage to get a table at the deck again and get settled. Once the waiter gets their drink order and leaves them alone, Jared takes Jensen’s hand over the table.“So, love. How are you feeling?”Jensen lets out a breath and stares at the lake as he speaks. “I’m great, Jay. Really. Motocrossing was a great idea, I felt so free just as I did when we were kayaking. It feels incredible learning that I can still do so much, you know?” Jensen focuses on Jared again. “Like I said the other day, basketball will always be something that belongs to both versions of me. I’ll always miss the way I used to play. But I’m realizing I can do so many other things as well. So many awesome things. I was a hundred percent focused on basketball before, but now it’s like my horizons are expanding. I want to try other things, new things that only this Jensen here gets to do. And thank you for trying those things with me.”Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand. “You kidding me? I love doing those new things with you! It’s when I’m the happiest, Jen. Trying out new sports, new possibilities, finding a lot of things that we can do together and as equals, as you say. Jen, we can try so many new things. The possibilities are endless. We can go horseback riding, we can surf, we can even skydive. You can do all those things and I’d love to do them with you.”Jensen nods and stays pensive as their drinks arrive. “You know what’s funny?” He asks after the waiter leaves again. “When I first woke up in the hospital, when I learned I was paralyzed, and those first hard few months, all I could think about was one thing. I wanted to walk again. I mourned 24/7 for what I had lost. The ability to walk, to play basketball. I never imagined I could be happy without those things. But God… it has only been one year since this new life, and I already feel happier than I ever remember being before. It’s so weird to think that and to know I’ve reached this conclusion so fast. But I realized that for the past few months, I stopped thinking about walking all the time. About what I lost. Ever since you entered my life again, things have gotten so much better. You’ve helped me in ways I can’t believe. I used to think that walking is everything. But once I started giving up this obsession and unlocked this belief, I started saying yes to all these possibilities of my new life, bit by bit.”Jensen takes a breath, sipping his water and motioning for his legs as he carries on. “Of course, this will always be hard. I stand by what I always said, being paraplegic sucks. The high maintenance of it sucks. I’d jump at the chance to walk again in no time. But it’s not my priority anymore. I like this new life with you. I like that I’m getting brave enough to do things on my own, to stand up for myself figuratively. I’m starting to believe that everything happens for a reason, and this was bound to happen to me. I was so reckless, I had no respect for my life. I had no perspective other than someday maybe becoming an NBA player. I have no idea what would have happened if I hadn’t suffered this injury. It’s hard not knowing, but I won’t mourn my lost life forever. I already got so much in just one year, Jay. I’m realizing that life is so much more than walking again. I started looking at the things I got instead of what I lost. And the list of what I got is much bigger. I thought I had lost the one thing that gave me joy in life, but I was wrong. I’m finding many more. I’m realizing that I can live happily without ever jumping and dunking a ball again. It’s okay, this will always be a part of me. But weighing everything, my life now is much more fulfilling despite the challenges. And it's good to find Jensen again. I remember when I told you months ago that I didn’t know who I was anymore, who the paraplegic Jensen was. Now I’m on the right path to learn that. And you know what? I like who Jensen is now. And I have everything to thank you for.”Jared can feel his eyes tearing up as he listens to Jensen’s beautiful words. He can’t believe how far Jensen has come in such a short time. He brings Jensen’s hand up to his face and kisses it, keeping a hold of it.“I told you that you’re just Jensen. Yes, I get that you’re a different person now, but your core is still the same. You’re just Jensen and that’s what matters. And I’m so proud of you. I told you I could help you find your new self, but the courage had to come from you. And Jen, you’re so brave. More than anyone I know. And I love being next to you on this journey. Your disability doesn’t define you. Neither does your wheelchair. Jensen defines Jensen, and you’re doing a great job at it. I also grew a lot after we reconnected, it wasn’t just you. I have a new perspective on many things and feel much more mature after everything. So it’s a deep process for both of us.”Jensen smiles, and Jared can see he’s also emotional.“On this day, I always want to celebrate my rebirth. Not only the day when my life changed forever. Not as a bad thing. But the day I got a second chance, a new chance to do things right. So today is my second birthday. And I’d love for us always to celebrate it together.”Jared nods and caresses Jensen’s face. “It’s a deal. This day will become our tradition. The ‘Jensen’s New Life Day’. what do you say?”“I really like that.”Jared takes his glass of water and raises it. “Here’s to Jensen’s New Life Day. Let’s always celebrate that you’re still here, your heart is still beating. May it always be a happy day to celebrate new achievements, our life together, and as we get through happy and hard moments. But always together. Happy New Life day, my Cheesy Wheelies.”Jensen clinks his glass with Jared’s and they share a smile behind the glasses. It’s indeed a very happy life.
Jensen
Jensen has some conversations with Jared and decides to take his next step: driving again. After driving the ATV he feels more confident to drive a car, he thinks he can get past the trauma of the accident. Jared of course is very supportive, saying that it will help a lot with his independence. So Jensen talks to his brother about his intentions, since he was charged with DUI and forbidden to drive again. Josh talks to their lawyer, who submits a petition to the court asking permission for Jensen to get his license again. Thankfully the judge permits him as long as Jensen takes some classes on defensive driving before taking the actual driving lessons.So during the next few weeks, Jensen takes the defensive classes, and he’s able to do it from home on his computer, which makes it much easier. Once he’s cleared, Jensen finds a place that offers driving lessons in adapted cars. So he pays for a few classes and Jared takes him. The first one is hard, when Jensen gets behind the wheel for the first time he almost panics. And Jared isn’t in the car with him to help calm him down, it’s just Jensen and the instructor. So Jensen has to work it out himself, take some deep breaths, and think that it won’t happen again, he’s not drunk, he’s not tired. It’s a quiet street and he won’t be driving full speed. He has gotten this, he needs to do this and get over this trauma. Also, gain more independence, and maybe get his own car in the future.Jensen finally manages to do it, his hands shake a bit as he holds the steering wheel, but he works through it. The instructor shows him how to operate the hand controls, he just needs to pull the thing, located on the bottom of the steering wheel, with his right hand, and push for the brake. It’s very easy, and Jensen finds himself relaxing after a while as he gains more confidence. He takes a few more classes and finally the test. He’s even more nervous but Jared wishes him good luck and gives him a long hug, saying he’s already very proud of Jensen. Despite his nervousness, Jensen aces the test and soon owns a brand new driver’s license. Jared takes him out to celebrate this important achievement, and Jensen feels damn proud of himself too.*Jensen’s birthday arrives and he’s awakened with a shower of kisses on his face.“Morning, grandpa!” Jared murmurs and Jensen snorts as he opens his eyes.“Your ass.”“Come on, sit up so I can hug you properly!”Jensen smiles and does as asked, and when he’s sitting up Jared wraps his arms around him. “Happy Birthday, love. I’m so happy to be celebrating your life. May we celebrate hundreds of birthdays together!”Jensen hugs him tighter. “Thank you, Jay. I’m glad to be here celebrating with you.” He pulls back and looks at Jared. “My birthday barely registered last year. I was still in the hospital thinking my life was over, I didn’t see the point of turning twenty-two. But now I’m ready to celebrate it and am hopeful for many more. With you, hopefully.”“That goes without saying!”Jared shows him a tray with breakfast so they can have it in bed, and once it’s over Jensen goes to the bathroom for his routine. Once he’s done, Jared waits for him in the living room.“Jen, I want to give you your present. Come outside with me.”Curious, Jensen does as Jared asks. His boyfriend opens the door and Jensen wheels outside. Jared follows him and shows him his car. “Come over here,” Jared says, pointing to the driver’s side.Jensen gets closer and Jared opens the door, pointing inside. “Happy Birthday, love!”Jensen wheels forward to take a better look, his jaw dropping when he realizes what it is. “Holy shit Jared, you didn’t.”Jared smiles as he squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “Now you can drive the car too, Jen! Isn’t it cool?”Jensen shakes his head. “Jay, you didn’t have to adapt your car for me, damn! That’s just too much!”Jared sits sideways on Jensen’s lap, framing his face with one hand. “No, it’s not. While you don’t have your own car, I don’t mind sharing mine. Now that you have a driver’s license you can finally share the driving with me. It’s for my benefit actually, so I can just sleep while you drive.”Jensen snorts as he places a hand on Jared’s hip. “But Jay… you had to transform your car for me. Will you need to drive like this too? It’s not fair.”“Oh no! Don’t worry! The pedals work normally. I can drive it just as I always do, and when it’s your turn, you use the hand controls. Love, it’s fine. It won’t change anything for me. Plus, remember when we talked about a roadtrip to California to go to the parks and you said you would only do it if you could share the driving with me? Now we can think about doing that!”Jensen smiles and kisses Jared, feeling all warm inside. “Thank you, Jay. It really means a lot to me. I’m excited about driving again and we can definitely think about that roadtrip.” Jensen pulls Jared into another hug.“You’re welcome! Now, wanna go for a ride?”Jensen nods. “Yes. I also want to work on getting my chair in and out of the car myself. It’s also important that I do that because when I drive by myself, I won’t have you with me to do that.”Jared jumps from Jensen’s lap. “Let’s do that, then!”They spend a while practicing that, Jensen storing his chair on the backseat and assembling it again. Then they go for a ride around the neighborhood, it feels great to be on the driver’s side for a change as Jared takes the passenger’s side. Jared records as Jensen drives and takes some pictures, and later Jensen makes a post on his Instagram account sharing his birthday and new step in life.Later in the day, they have a small gathering at their apartment to celebrate Jensen’s birthday, with their friends and Josh and Kelly. Jared’s parents sent Jensen a present and also called him earlier to wish him a happy birthday, which made Jensen very happy. His mother called too, but, as usual, the conversation was pretty awkward. The small party is great, and Jensen loves being among his friends. A few guys from the wheelchair team, who have become closer to Jensen, also attend, and it feels good to have people like himself around. Jensen feels happy and ready to start a new cycle. After the party is over Jared and he are ready for bed, they have their own small private celebration which includes the Intimate Rider and Jared on his knees with Jensen pounding into him from behind, managing to keep his dick hard for longer, which is a small miracle.It’s a great day and Jensen feels safe to say it was the best birthday he ever had, even beating his twenty-first when he was finally allowed to get hammered legally. This means much more.
*Jensen gets a message from Jeff a few days later, saying he would like to have a word with him and Jared about something, and if they could talk after Jensen’s practice. Jensen talks to Jared who agrees, they usually have their practice after the team is done so it works for them. That’s what they do a few days later, Jared watches Jensen’s practice and once it’s done, they gather up with Jeff and Jim, both sitting on the lowest level of the bleachers while Jared grabs a chair to sit next to Jensen, facing them.“So what’s up? What do you guys want to talk to us about?” Jared asks as he holds Jensen’s hand.Jim leans forward. “The university contacted us to see the possibility of doing a couple of benefit games, for a different number of institutions including one that takes care of disabled people who can’t afford treatment.” Jensen perks up at that, his interest picked. “They asked us to organize one game with the main team and another with the wheelchair team following. The Houston campus already agreed to come to play against us. We would be charging an entrance fee for those who want to attend, and of course, all profit will go to those charities.”Both nod and Jensen feels confused. “Okay, that sounds good. I’m all in for charities especially if it’s something close to my heart. I don’t get why you needed to talk to us separately though.”Jeff clears his throat. “Well, I actually had an idea to make things more interesting, and Jim agrees. You both know how everyone loves you two together. You’ve been J-Squared for a while, the golden boys of our team, and the crowd was the one to come up with this nickname. They would always go insane when you two played together and even nowadays, whenever you guys show up together on the court, they cheer for you. I’ve heard from a lot of people how they wish they could see you two play together again.”“Okay…” Jared says with a frown, but Jensen already has an idea where this is going.“Are you by any chance suggesting we play together for this benefit game?”Jeff nods. “Yes, exactly. What I’m thinking is, Jared plays with his regular team first, and if it’s okay for everyone he would join the wheelchair team and play with you. I bet everyone would go insane with it and sell out the tickets to see J-Squared reunited. What do you guys say?”Jared and Jensen look at each other, both squeezing one another’s hand simultaneously. A similar smile spreads on both of their faces, the two of them knowing they don’t even need to talk about it, having the opportunity to play together again is incredible.“We’re in!” Both say simultaneously, and the four of them start making arrangements for the game.*Jim talks to the rest of Jensen’s team about it, and they all agree to welcome Jared for the benefit game, everyone knows how much Jensen loves playing with Jared and it’s the perfect opportunity. The university announces the benefit games, advertising that J-Squared will play together again. As Jeff predicted, all tickets sell out ridiculously fast, everyone dying to see them together on court, and it becomes the trending topic in the university. Jensen gets stopped many times by people saying how excited they are to see them playing once again, and Jensen feels happy and more anxious with the perspective of playing with his other half.Jared starts attending the wheelchair team practices to get used to playing with them. Of course, it’s different from when only the two of them play, and Jared needs to practice to make sure they give the audience a good show and win the game. Jared struggles a bit at first, but after a few practices he starts getting better at it, and once again the chemistry with Jensen is there. They make a perfect duo in the wheelchair team as well, and Jensen’s teammates joke that Jared can break a leg and join the team anytime he wants.The game day approaches and both are nervous. All their close ones will be there, all of their friends bought tickets, as well as Jared’s parents, Josh and Kelly. Jared and Jensen tried to buy the tickets for them, but their families made sure to pay so they could support the charity, and their friends as well.Both are nervous the night before, it takes a long time for them to be able to catch some sleep, they just lie in bed with their arms around each other.“I hope we don’t embarrass ourselves in front of everyone and lose the game,” Jared says and Jensen chuckles.“We won’t. Even if we don’t win, let’s just have a good time, Jay. We’re actually gonna play a game together, that’s already pretty awesome. Plus there’s the small surprise we prepared, don’t forget that!”Jared smiles “Yeah, you’re right. It was pretty sad thinking we would never be able to play together. Tomorrow will be incredible, I can’t wait.”*Jared’s parents arrive early on Saturday, and after having breakfast together at IHOP, they all head to campus. As they get to the court there are already a good amount of people on the bleachers, and they cheer as they see Jared and Jensen entering. Both wave at everyone and go to the locker room after sending Jared’s parents to join their friends where they’re already sitting. Both the regular and the wheelchair team get changed in the big locker room and it’s a big mess of everyone talking at the same time and too many wheelchairs in one place, but it’s pretty cool. Everyone is excited for today and also to see Jared and Jensen together again. Jeff and Jim give everyone a nice speech, ordering them to have a good time and enjoy themselves.They return to the court when it’s time for the first game, and the wheelchair team retreats to a corner to watch it. Jared gives Jensen a quick kiss, and Jensen wishes his boyfriend good luck. Jeff announces the game on the sound system and everyone cheers. The game starts and Jared keeps sneaking glances at Jensen, who always smiles encouragingly at his boyfriend. Jared isn’t at the top of his game for this first game, and Jensen knows why that is. Jared is too distracted and anxious for the second game, he can’t fully concentrate for this first one.Austin manages to beat Houston but Jared didn’t play his best game even though he was pretty good. He seems a little disappointed as he walks toward Jensen and kneels next to him. “I wasn’t the best, I know that. But I’m just too focused on the other game, Jen. I’m too anxious to play with you again.”Jensen frames Jared’s face. “It’s okay, love. Totally understandable. Let’s go kick some asses now?”Jared nods and takes the sports wheelchair he had put in the corner, sitting on it and strapping himself in as the wheelchair teams take the court. Jeff calls both of them and Jared wheels after Jensen to the center of the court. Jeff grabs the mic and gestures for both of them.“I’m so proud to announce the return of our golden duo for tonight! Jared has agreed to join the wheelchair team to play this game so we can see J-Squared together again! Who’s excited??”Both wave at everyone and the crowd goes ballistic. Every single person stands up to clap at them, shouting J-SQUARED! at the top of their lungs, and Jensen already feels emotional. They warm up for the game and soon it starts. It’s as effortless as breathing, Jensen plays with Jared just as they did before, as if both were running and jumping around. Their chemistry gets even more enhanced in this real game, Jared constantly passing the ball for Jensen to score, and the crowd doesn’t stop chanting. Jensen feels the high adrenaline pumping through his veins, something he only feels when he’s playing with Jared. It’s his home, it’s where he’s the happiest. Jared completes Jensen in every possible way.The game ends with another amazing win for Austin, Jensen being the top scorer. The crowd starts cheering again and the whole team salutes them. Jared looks at Jensen, who gives him a nod. Jared asks Jeff for a mic and announces everyone.“Thank you guys for coming over today to support this charity, to watch these games, and to see J-Squared reunite once again.” More cheering. “We would like you guys to hold on for a second because we have an extra small treat for you.”Jensen wheels to one hidden corner of the court, Jared following him. They change into the jerseys they had left there earlier and come back to the center of it. When everyone sees their new jerseys, both saying J-Squared in front of it, they scream even louder. Jared grabs the mic he had left on his lap. “Would you guys like to see us playing some one-on-one?”Everyone shouts YES, so Jared hands the mic to Jeff and grabs a ball. They head to one end of the court and start their private show. Jensen tunes everyone out, it’s just him and Jared playing against each other as they’ve done many times before. They have an amazing time together and Jensen knows everyone is loving it. They don’t keep score or anything, they just play for about fifteen minutes until they call it quits. Everyone applauds them, and Jared asks for the mic again, addressing the crowd.“There’s something else I’d like to try today.” He turns to Jensen. “Ackles, you’re gonna have to trust me a lot with this one.” He faces the crowd again, Jensen’s heart beating faster. “As you all know by now, Jensen had an accident a little over a year ago, and he can’t play as he used to. Jensen loved more than anything jumping to dunk a ball, which is something he can’t do playing from a wheelchair. Some of you may have seen our videos where I helped him stand up and even jumped with him on my back to shoot a hoop. But he hasn’t been able to dunk yet. So I had this crazy idea. Justin, Chad, could you guys come here to help me with this, please?”Jensen’s heart is hammering in his chest, wondering what Jared is planning. The son of a bitch managed to surprise him again. Jared gets up from the wheelchair he had been using and after handing the mic back he walks to Jensen, crouching in front of him.“Love, do you think you can keep your balance if I carry you on my shoulders?”Jensen’s eyes almost pop out of his face. “Are you insane?? You want to carry me on your shoulders?”Jared nods. “I want you to dunk that ball. Come on, Jen. Trust me, please. I can carry you.”Jensen lets out a breath, sending a small prayer that this doesn’t go badly in front of hundreds of people. “Okay then. Make sure I don’t fall please, you’re a damn tree so it would be a bad fall.”Jared smiles and squeezes Jensen’s knee. “I promise.”Jared gets up to talk to Justin and Chad and explains what he wants. Then he crouches down again, his back to Jensen right in front of his chair. The crowd has fallen silent, waiting for what will happen and probably giving Jared and Jensen space to concentrate. Jensen scoots to the edge of his chair, placing both feet on the floor on the sides of Jared. He pushes both palms on Jared’s upper back, and the guys lift his lower body, carefully putting him in position on Jared’s shoulders. Jared holds firmly onto Jensen’s legs, and he wraps his arms around Jared’s face. The guys help Jared slowly get up, and Jensen feels a bit scared as he finds himself so damn high.“Jen, you okay up there?” Jared asks without moving his head up so as not to throw himself and Jensen off balance, and Jensen nods.“I’m good.”He keeps leaning forward a bit so he won’t fall backward, and he feels pretty secure with Jared holding his legs. The crowd starts chanting J-SQUARED again, and Jared walks closer to the hoop, Chad and Justin flanking them closely to be sure they catch Jensen if something happens. Jared lets go of one of Jensen’s legs to grab the basketball someone hands him. He bounces it a few times and Jensen slowly frees his hands, still feeling pretty okay on Jared’s shoulders. Thank heavens for a low injury and good core strength and balance.“Ready?” Jared asks and Jensen nods.“I was born ready, Padalecki!”Jared chuckles and throws the ball up. “It’s your game, Ackles.”Jensen catches the ball effortlessly and with his heart almost exploding out of his mouth, tears pooling in his eyes, Jensen dunks the ball for the first time in over a year, after being completely sure he would never do it again. Against all odds.The crowd almost brings the court down as it explodes all around them. The chants of J-SQUARED reach unprecedented levels, and Jared turns them over to the bleachers. Jensen lifts both arms and lets out a loud scream, feeling a wave of emotion and adrenaline inside of him he has never felt before, chills running down to his bones. He doesn’t keep the tears from falling down his face as he lives one of the most incredible moments of his life. All the thousands of dunks he did before can’t compare to this one. It was the most special one of all, the one he will never forget. Jensen can see many people recording them on their phones, and he can’t wait to watch all of them, over and over again.Once everyone has calmed down, Chad and Justin help Jared crouch down again. Someone else brings Jensen’s chair and they help him into it. Jared turns around and scoots to the side of Jensen’s chair, pulling his face and giving him an epic kiss in front of the whole crowd, that, of course, screams again. Jensen imagines how nobody will be able to speak tomorrow.As they break apart, people start walking into the court. Jensen can see his friends and family walking towards them, everyone looking very emotional. Sherri and Gerry have tears in their eyes as they give both him and Jared tight hugs, Sherri whispering in his ear and making Jensen even more emotional.“I’m so thankful you’re a part of our family, sweetheart.”“Thank you, Mama.”Jensen smiles at her with tears in his eyes, and soon Josh is hugging him too, also crying and saying how proud he is of Jensen. They spend a long time at the court, everyone wants a word with him and Jared, people want to take pictures with both of them, and Jensen feels almost like a celebrity. For once he doesn’t mind being the center of attention since people aren’t giving him weird looks, they look at Jensen with respect and even awe, telling him how awesome he is and congratulating him on everything he has achieved since his accident. This is the kind of praise Jensen wants to get. Not being congratulated for going grocery shopping, but for getting back in the game and turning his life around, becoming a good basketball player again even in a wheelchair. He wants to be an inspiration to others for doing awesome things like this, not for living his everyday life.A couple of hours later they finally manage to leave the court, and Jared’s parents suggest they all go out for dinner so they do that. They go to a nearby restaurant and nearly give the hostess a heart attack when they order a table for all of them since it’s Jared, Jensen, Jared’s parents, Josh and Kelly, Chris, Steve, Justin, Chad, and Sophia. They have a great time together, everyone making a toast for Jared and Jensen. Jensen looks around the table and realizes this is the family he needs, even if almost everyone here doesn't have his blood. And it’s okay, you definitely don’t need to share the same blood to be family.Later as they’re back in the apartment Jensen checks his Instagram as he waits for Jared’s parents to shower so he can use the bathroom. He has been tagged like a million times, there are hundreds of videos of him dunking the ball from different angles, also him playing with the team and with Jared. Jensen shares a few of them on his account, he can’t get enough watching those moments, and he shares the videos with Jared too. Later he checks his account again and finds some messages from unknown people, many of them saying they’re also disabled and Jensen inspired them, those videos of him gave him a boost to try new things as well, and it’s incredible to see someone with a disability doing so many cool things. Jensen gets emotional again as he realizes this, how he’s actually inspiring people like him. Not middle-aged women in the supermarket who claim he’s an inspiration just because he’s doing shopping, but people who relate to him. He shares that with Jared, who tells him how incredible this is, and he can share much more stuff and inspire even more people to make something better with their lives. And then Jensen suddenly realizes something very important. One of his dreams was to be an inspiration to others when he became an NBA player, and that was another dream that would never be fulfilled. Or at least he thought so, since he’s again an inspiration, in another way now but still regarding the sport he loves. He never saw this coming, and maybe it matters even more now than it would before. It feels absolutely incredible realizing this.
Jared
A couple of months pass and things are looking awesome. Jared’s clinic has talked to him about hiring him as a professional therapist even before he gets his degree and he’s so excited about it. Jared didn’t have much thought about working with rehabilitation before but now he really loves it. He does want to work with athletes someday but that’s something for the future. Things are going great with Jensen as well. They are getting closer and closer, and always more intimate. Jared must have done something amazing in previous lives to deserve such an incredible partner. He feels so loved and cherished and tries to return the sentiment. They’re really a match made in heaven.Jensen is doing very well with his art, he has been doing more stuff for other publishers as well, and earning a very good amount of money. He’s thriving in college as well, always getting excellent grades in all his classes, and of course, he has become the star of the wheelchair team. The games get much more audience now that Jensen is playing with them, and Jared makes sure to be there for every single game, just as Jensen is there for his. They keep their one-on-one practices, and some people actually start showing up to watch them. They don’t mind in the slightest, it feels good to see how people like them together. They have also been practicing other sports, like kayaking, motocross, and even some new things, and Jared absolutely loves to try new things with Jensen. He has realized how happy he is when he’s next to Jensen doing these stuff, trying out different things. It’s stuff Jared himself would probably never attempt if he didn’t have a paraplegic boyfriend eager to test his limits. Jensen’s accident didn’t just change his own life, it changed Jared’s too, and for the better.Josh’s wedding is fast approaching and Jared knows how anxious Jensen is for that. Both rented tuxedos for the event, Jensen’s following the directions given by Kelly for the groomsmen. Jensen had an idea to make something special for his brother, and Jared has been helping him practice for that. They have talked to Kelly about it who gave them the okay, but it will be a small surprise for Josh. Jared can’t wait to see Jensen all handsome at the altar.About a week before the wedding though, things take a turn. Jeff contacts Jared a day before their usual practice, asking if he can stay longer since there’s something he wants to talk about. Jared agrees and tells Jensen about it, wondering what it’s about.“Maybe a new power forward is coming to town and you’ll have to give up your position again. I am a very possessive boyfriend, I might add,” Jensen jokes, and Jared chuckles.“Ain’t nobody else stealing my position. You’re the only one allowed to do that. No but seriously. I’m anxious to see what Jeff wants.”*Jeff doesn’t say anything during practice, but Jared notices a middle-aged man sitting on the bleachers, quietly watching as they play. Jared again wonders what the hell is going on and if that dude has anything to do with what Jeff wants with him. Once practice ends, everyone heads to the locker room but Jeff calls Jared over, going to the bleachers where the man is waiting for them.“Jared, this is Mr. Richardson. Brian, this is Jared Padalecki.”The man extends a hand to Jared, who takes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Padalecki.”Jared nods and they all sit down, Jared with his curiosity picked. “Jared, Mr. Richardson is from the Charlotte Hornets.” Jared’s eyes widen. The Hornets is an NBA team from North Carolina. “He’s also a dear friend of mine, we used to play back in college together. He has watched some of our games and has become very interested in you.”Jared’s jaw drops. “In me?”“Yes Jared,” This time it’s Mr. Richardson - Brian - who speaks. “We are always looking for new talents. We usually use the NBA draft to choose players but like Jeff said, I’ve seen you play a few times and you definitely stand out. Jeff has only praises for you, and he told me I’d be crazy not to snatch you before some other team gets their hands on you.”Jared shakes his head, his mind spinning. “Just… hold on. What are you saying exactly?”“Jared, we would like to offer you a contract with the Hornets to turn you into an NBA player.”
Holy. Shit.
“Wow. I wasn’t even expecting that right now. I’m still playing for the college team.”“Well, if you accept our offer to join our team, you would have to make a choice. You wouldn’t be able to reconcile your college classes with the demands of an NBA team. It would require your full attention and dedication, plus you would be traveling a lot for games and everything. It’s a very demanding life, the one of an NBA professional athlete. You can make a very good amount of money, of course, and gain fame all over the country and even worldwide.”Jared rubs a hand over his eyes. “Okay. This is too much to take in. I need to think about it, I need to talk to Jensen, who’s my boyfriend. This is a big change.”Brian nods and offers him a card. “It’s okay Jared, we understand. You can consider it for a few days, and please give me a call so we can work everything out for your contract. It would make us very happy to have you as part of the Charlotte Hornets.”Jared nods and gets up, rubbing his hands on his shorts and shaking Brian’s hand. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be in touch. I just need to think it over. I’ll go now, thank you so much for your time and your interest in me, it really means a lot.”Jared goes to the locker room and Jeff goes after him. “Sorry I didn’t mention anything before, I just wanted to wait until Brian was in town. What do you think? This is an incredible opportunity for you, Jared.”Jared nods. “God if I know. The NBA has always been my dream and now it’s in front of me.” And suddenly he doesn’t know what to do. “I just need to go home and think it over.”Jeff nods. “Fair enough. Just don’t take too long. Opportunities don’t last forever.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Jared drives home and he can barely register where he’s going. He truly wasn’t expecting a proposition for the NBA, like a real palpable thing, and now it’s here in front of him. What he always wanted. Right?He arrives home and calls for Jensen from the door.“Hey, gorgeous!” Jensen wheels from the kitchen, a bright smile on his face. Jared’s heart somersaults as he sees his boyfriend. He can’t get enough of Jensen, he loves this guy so much it aches. Jared leans down to kiss him, he loves kissing Jensen. “How was your day, love? Did Jeff say what he wanted?”Jared nods. “He did. We’ll talk about it. I just need to shower first, kay?”Jensen frowns lightly, probably noticing Jared looks odd. But he nods. “Sure, go ahead. I’m finishing dinner for us, I’ll set the table.”Jared smiles his thanks and goes to take a shower. He stands under the spray with a hand on the wall for support. If he accepts the contract, his whole life will change. Funny, how Jared always wanted to be an NBA player but it seemed so distant. Jared has never thought about the day it would actually happen, and he suddenly feels lost. As he’s done with the shower he dresses up in comfortable clothes and goes to the living room, finding Jensen carrying a bowl of spaghetti on a tray over his lap. He sets it on the table and asks Jared to grab the soda cans from the fridge.They sit down to eat and Jared serves both of them, saying how incredible it smells. Jared starts eating but his gaze travels to a random spot on the table, unfocused as he thinks about the contract. Eventually, he feels a hand on his.“Jay?” Jared blinks a few times and looks up, finding Jensen with his eyebrows raised. “You okay? You’ve been frozen on the spot for a full minute with the fork halfway to your mouth.”Jared shakes his head and brings the fork to his mouth, speaking as he finishes chewing. “Sorry. I’m just distracted. Food is awesome.”Jensen drops the fork and caresses Jared’s forearm with his thumb. “Love, what’s going on? Is it about what Jeff wanted with you?”Jared nods and finally spills it out. “There was a guy there from the Charlotte Hornets. He’s friends with Jeff from college or something, and he saw me playing a few times. Jeff recommended me to him as well.” Jared swallows hard before getting to the point. “Jen, he offered me a contract to play for the Hornets.”Jensen’s mouth drops and his eyes grow wide like a cartoon character. “Oh my God, Jay! Are you fucking kidding me, that’s just incredible!” Jared doesn’t answer, his gaze dropping again as he chews the inside of his cheek, and from the corner of his eye, he can see Jensen’s expression turn into a frown. “Isn’t it?”Jared looks up and blinks a few times, giving Jensen a nod. “Oh yeah, of course! Hell yeah, this is just incredible. Yeah.”Jensen of course picks up on it and raises an eyebrow. “Jay, what is it? I thought you’d be jumping around with the possibility of signing an NBA contract. Hell, I thought you would arrive here with the signed contract already. Hasn’t this always been the dream?”Jared nods as he takes Jensen’s hand and plays with his fingers. “Of course, yeah. It’s just… I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting it. It was a huge shock. I’m just thinking that if I accept it, my whole life will change, Jen. I’d have to drop out of college. And move to North Carolina. Those are big changes.”Jensen squeezes Jared’s fingers. “You do know I’ll come with you wherever you need to go, right?”Jared blinks at him. “You will?”“You really need to ask? Do you think I’d leave you in North Carolina all by yourself with hot NBA players? No fucking way. But seriously Jay, of course I’d come. It’s your dream. Plus I’m working from home, I can work from anywhere, and even if I weren’t, I’d come. I wouldn't want to be away from you.”"But what about your classes? You're so happy with them, I wouldn't want you to quit it.""I can figure it out, Jay. Everything is adjustable, I can see if I find something in North Carolina. What matters is that we stay together, right?"Jared nods. “Yeah, of course it is, I can't go live somewhere else without you. Thank you, love. That means a whole lot. I just need to think about it. Like, really think. This is really huge. The guy gave me a few days to decide, and I’ll use them. I feel this is something that needs some consideration, you know? I can’t just jump into it and sign the contract. I need to weigh everything. And it’s something I really need to decide on my own. I know you’ll support me in whatever I decide, and I need to make this decision myself.”Jensen smiles his understanding. “Of course, love. Just like I needed to decide by myself to return to college and stuff. You need to decide what’s best for you and we work around that. I’m behind you one hundred percent. Okay?”Jared nods and Jensen resumes eating, but Jared doesn’t move. Jensen drops the fork again. “Is there something else bothering you?”Jared lets out a breath and purses his lips. “It’s just… I can’t help thinking it’s unfair somehow. It should be you getting this proposition, not me. You should become an NBA player, you were always better than me. I can’t help but feel like I’m stealing something from you, ya know?”Jensen’s eyes widen again. He backs away from the table and wheels closer to Jared, placing a hand on the base of his neck and giving him a pointed look. “Hey now. This is bullshit, Jay. You’re not stealing anything from me. Yeah, let’s say I was still part of the team and you got the proposition, not me. I’d be pissed and calling you names all around because hell yeah, it should be me. That’s how the old Jensen would feel, by the way, with our long-time rivalry. But I don’t know if you have noticed this thing I’m sitting in, it’s called a wheelchair. Perhaps you got the memo that I’m paraplegic now. I can’t get a proposition like that, it’s just how life is. Is it hard knowing it will never happen to me? Sure. But I’m learning to work past that and see the good life I have. It’s okay, Jay. I’m not jealous or anything, I promise. I’m completely, one-hundred percent happy for you, love. You’re an incredible player and you deserve this too. If you do this, I’ll live my dream through you. It’s totally okay, I promise. Don’t think like this, please.”Jared nods and allows Jensen to pull him into his arms, letting out a breath and closing his eyes as he rests his head on Jensen’s shoulder. He has a tough decision ahead of him, and he knows there’s a lot to think about in the upcoming days.
*A day before Josh’s wedding, Jared and Jensen head to Lake Austin to spend an extra night at a beautiful bed & breakfast by the lake. Since they were staying there for the wedding anyway, both had decided to splurge and spend the previous night there to enjoy each other and the lake. It’s also a good opportunity for Jared to take his mind off things, meaning the contract with the Hornets, and enjoy only his boyfriend.Jared has done a lot of thinking for the past few days, he even had trouble sleeping over it. Jared even called his mom to talk about it, and Sherri just told Jared to follow his heart.
“If the NBA is what you want for your future, baby, then go ahead. Just close your eyes and think about what you truly want. You’ll find the answer there and you just need to follow your heart,” Sherri said.
“You’ll support me in whatever I decide?”
“Of course we will, sweetie. Do what’s best for you and we’ll be here.”
Jensen has given Jared space to decide what he wants to do. He hasn’t even mentioned the proposition anymore, just offered his silent support and for that, Jared is grateful. But his time is running out, Brian messaged him asking Jared to please give an answer in two days at the latest. Jared knows, in his heart, what he truly wants to do. He needs to talk to Jensen about it but he has decided to wait until after the wedding since Jensen is pretty nervous about it as well.They arrive at the B&B, check-in, and afterward spend some time at the lake, going for a stroll and also doing stand-up paddle again like that first time. Later they go for dinner at the restaurant by the lake they enjoy, and after spending some more time outdoors they finally head to their bedroom. It’s a very nice place, there’s a balcony with a gorgeous view of the lake, and since it’s a more deserted area they can even leave the doors open so they can stare at it. They take turns in the shower - there’s no space for both of them in the shower stall sadly, and Jensen finishes his routine after Jared, leaving the bathroom only in boxers and drying his hair with a towel. Jared licks his bottom lip as he stares at the masterpiece that is Jensen, especially with his torso bare like this, his arms getting stronger and stronger, the muscles contracting as he wheels forward.Jensen notices Jared watching him and smirks. “Feel like going for a ride, maybe?”Jared wastes no time closing the distance and straddling Jensen, sitting on his lap with one leg on each side of his chair and attacking his mouth. “You’re the hottest… thing… on wheels… I’ve ever seen,” he speaks between kisses and Jensen snorts.“Well, thank you I guess!”Jensen buries his fingers on Jared’s back and they make out for a while, Jared feeling himself growing harder and harder, his erection trapped between their bellies, and he knows Jensen can feel it too.“Hey, Jay?” Jensen murmurs as his lips travel to the side of Jared’s face, kissing and biting his jaw and making their way to his ear.“What?” Jared pants, already feeling his breathing becoming more elaborate with the miles of naked Jensen pressed against him.“Feel like fucking me tonight?”Jared pulls back immediately, his eyes widening as his heart skips a beat. “You serious?”Jensen nods, staring intensely at Jared. “Yeah, I wanna try it. And tonight is a good night schedule-wise since I did… you know. Today.”Jared knows what Jensen means. It could be dangerous to fuck him if he hadn’t done his bowel routine because a dick in his ass would pretty much stimulate it and it wouldn’t be pretty. But if he did his program today it means much less risk of having a stinky accident.“God yes. I’d love to try that with you.”Jensen pulls him for another kiss. “Wanna carry me to bed? You can if you want.”Jared loves how Jensen lets him carry him to bed and other places, and how Jensen trusts him to do it. “Hold onto my neck,” he asks and Jensen does that. Jared reaches under Jensen’s thighs and pulls him up, Jensen wraps both hands firmly around his neck and Jared carries him to the king-sized bed. Jared manages to kneel on the bed still carrying Jensen, and moves up before placing him down close to the headboard. Jensen scoots up a bit more until he reaches the pillows, and Jared hurries to the bathroom to fetch the bottle of lube from his toiletry bag.He returns to Jensen and kneels around his body, leaning down to capture his lips in another passionate kiss. “God… I can’t wait to be inside you, Jen. It will be my first time.”Jensen frames Jared’s face with a hand and looks pointedly at him. “Jay, have you ever fucked someone before? Like a girl?”Jared swallows hard and shakes his head. “I never fucked anyone. I never had sex with a girl. I mean, I have made out with girls and even had them blow me, but it became clear pretty fast to me that I was gay. And I told you I only got fucked by guys. I never… well, I never stuck my dick anywhere before. That weren’t mouths, I mean.”Jensen’s eyes widen. “Wow. So I’ll really be your first then.”Jared nods. “And my only one.”Jensen smiles. “You’ll be my first too. I was never the bottom before.”Jared smiles back. “Our first time, then.”Jensen pushes Jared’s boxers down, who kicks them down his legs, and Jared slowly pulls down Jensen’s, carefully down his legs and feet, throwing them away. Jared leans down to plant a kiss on Jensen’s foot, and makes his way up his legs planting small kisses to the left one, then to his left hip until he reaches Jensen’s torso. He spends some time treating his nipples since Jared knows how much pleasure Jensen gets from that. Jared captures one nipple in his mouth, deliberately licking around it while playing with the other one with his fingers. Jensen throws his head back and Jared feels how his chest moves up and down rapidly, both hands on Jared’s shoulders.“Oh, God yes, Jared. More, please!”Jared happily obliges, giving more to Jensen and moving to the other nipple, once he’s finally done he grabs a pillow and maneuvers Jensen’s hips so he can place it under him. He spreads Jensen’s legs apart as Jared coats his fingers with lube, and he slowly starts inserting a finger inside of him, carefully breaching his tight hole.“Can you feel me?”Jensen shakes his head. “Not enough. Gimme more, please.”Jared chuckles. “Patience, my love. I need to go slowly since you’ve never done this before and you also have limited feeling, I don’t want to hurt you.”“Okay, then do it.”Jared patiently works his fingers in and out of Jensen, adding a second one when he’s sure his hole is loose enough. Jared breaches him more and scissors his fingers, adding yet a third to make sure Jensen is prepared to receive him.“I can feel you more now, God, yes. You feel great in me Jay,” Jensen pants. Jared leans forward as he captures Jensen’s lips in a passionate kiss, still working his fingers in and out of him. When Jared is satisfied he removes his fingers and wipes them on the discarded boxers. Jensen grabs the lube and coats Jared’s aching dick.Jared places a hand around Jensen’s left knee, bending his leg and throwing it over his shoulder, holding it in place with a hand on Jensen’s thigh since he wouldn’t be able to keep it there himself. Jared looks down at Jensen and they exchange an intense look.“Nervous?”Jensen nods. “A bit. You?”Jared nods back. “A lot. It feels like losing my virginity again. I’m glad it’s with you.”“Me too. Come on Jay, do it. I’m ready for you.”Jared swallows hard and guides his dick to Jensen’s entrance, aligning the tip of it with Jensen’s hole. He starts breaching him, very slowly so as not to hurt him. He watches Jensen’s face closely and can see how his expression changes.“Hurts?”Jensen frowns. “I don’t know. It’s different. A bit uncomfortable. But keep going.”Jared places his free hand on Jensen’s hip, who has both of his hands on Jared’s chest. Jared keeps going and he finally bottoms out. He stays locked inside Jensen for a moment, lifting an eyebrow in a silent question.“Gimme a moment. I can’t feel you completely but I do feel ya. Just need to adjust to it.”Jensen’s right-hand travels to wrap around Jared’s neck, and he pulls him down for a kiss. Jared goes slowly minding Jensen’s leg between their bodies, and their lips meet. They get lost in it for a few moments until Jensen finally murmurs.“Move.”Jared obliges, pulling out slowly and slamming back in, trying to angle so he hits Jensen’s prostate and hopefully make him feel more pleasure. The moan Jensen lets out and how he throws his head back lets Jared know the mission was accomplished.“God yes, this feels amazing.”Jared keeps the rhythm, thrusting into Jensen forcefully, making his whole body jolt with the force of his thrusts, and he repositions Jensen’s leg so it wraps around his hip, that way Jared can get closer to Jensen’s body. They kiss sloppily as Jared slams into him, Jared can feel Jensen’s soft dick trapped between their bodies, creating a delicious friction, and feels so good Jared almost can’t hold himself back.“God Jen… you feel so amazing around me,” Jared murmurs as Jensen frames his face and bites his jaw down to his neck. “How do I feel inside you?”“Amazing Jay, just like the perfect piece of a puzzle. Now come on, I know you’re close. You gonna come inside of me? Release your load all inside of me?”Jared grunts and with a few more trusts he finally comes, the orgasm exploding from inside of him to bury inside of Jensen. He lowers his head and bites Jensen’s shoulder as he keeps coming, and finally collapses on top of him. Jensen wraps both arms around Jared, who keeps his soft dick inside of him in a very intimate connection.“God, that was good.”Jensen rubs a hand on Jared’s back. ‘What do you like more?”Jared lifts his head to look at Jensen, planting a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I like this. But being fucked by you is still my number one.”Jensen smiles. “Yeah, I agree. I’d rather fuck you. But this is pretty good too, I’m glad we tried it. I love knowing that I can still feel you in me, and also around me. I’m glad that wasn’t taken from me completely.”“Me too. Amazingly, we have this intimate connection. We can try lots of new things in the future.”“Hmm sounds like a plan. Now get a washcloth to clean us, please. I ain’t getting up from here anytime soon.”Jared obliges and once both are cleaned, he joins Jensen on the bed, both still naked, and he entwines their legs. Jared still has a lot on his mind but knows, in his heart, that his decision has already been made.*On the following afternoon, both are getting ready for the wedding. Jared helps Jensen put on the leg braces under his pants, and his shoes as well. Once both are all dressed up in their tuxedos, they look at themselves in the mirror.“We look all gorgeous, Jen! I can’t wait to remove all those clothes from you later. You look like something edible.”Jensen checks himself out and opens up a small smile. “I do look okay, don’t I?”Jared squeezes his shoulders. “Dude, you look amazing!”Jensen looks up at Jared through the mirror. “It’s just… it took me a long time to look in the mirror and recognize myself. To see the person looking back at me as me, and not a stranger. I can see myself now and think I’m finally liking what I see.”Jared leans down to kiss his temple. “I love what I see as well. And I love even more to see myself right next to you. Let’s take a picture, come on!”Jared sets up his phone and sits on Jensen’s wheel, his arm around him, as they pose for the camera. “See? We look totally gorgeous. Now, let’s get going, the best man can’t be late!”
Jensen
They choose to take the car to the place where the wedding will be happening. It’s really not too far away from the B&B but it’s easier for Jensen, who doesn’t have his Firefly with him. He doesn’t want to be all sweaty for the wedding, plus they need to take his walker and Jared would have to carry it. Jensen feels nervous during the small car ride, and Jared, of course, picks up on it. He takes Jensen’s hand and squeezes it.“You’re anxious, aren’t you?”Jensen nods. “Yeah. Just thinking about going down the aisle with everyone’s eyes on me. I’m still not too fond of being the center of attention like this. Attract pity looks because of the wheelchair.”“You sure you don’t want to use the walker to walk down the aisle? If it makes you feel less uncomfortable?”Jensen shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I’m too slow with the walker and braces, plus people would stare at me the same way since I walk funny with those. It’s better to just use the chair. I hope Kelly’s cousin is nice."Jared grunts. “Not too nice, I hope.”Jensen chuckles and they ride in silence until they get to the venue at the lake.It’s a very beautiful place, finely decorated. The lake is nearby and it makes a gorgeous scenario. The first thing Jensen notices about the place where the ceremony will take place is that it’s completely on one level. Kelly was right when she said the place was accessible, Jensen is glad his brother thought about this so Jensen could navigate it easily. Jared carries a foldable walker that they brought, and leans it against a chair on the first row, to be used later.Jensen meets up with lots of members of his extended family, people he hasn’t seen in ages like aunts, uncles, and cousins. He has cut contact with everyone after his accident, but he did get some messages from some family members wishing for a good recovery. Jensen feels embarrassed for disappearing like this but all in all, it’s alright. His relatives talk to him and wish to know how he’s doing, and it’s just a bit awkward with some relatives from his father’s side since apparently the word that they’re not speaking has spread. It also gets awkward with some aunts when Jensen introduces Jared as his boyfriend, but he doesn’t give a shit. Jensen also sees some pity looks, especially from older relatives, as they study him in the wheelchair, but as always Jensen keeps his head held high and tries to get past that. Jensen also sees his mother and father mingling around. Donna smiles and waves shyly as she sees Jensen, who politely waves back, but turns around as his father looks at him. He really hopes Alan does as he asked and leaves him alone.They finally spot Josh who greets them with big hugs. “I’m so glad you guys are here! Bro, you’re looking great!”Jensen smiles. “You’re the one to talk, you handsome dog!”Josh laughs and brings them over to meet Alicia, Kelly’s maid of honor and the one walking down the aisle next to Jensen.“Alicia, these are my brother Jensen and his boyfriend Jared. Guys, this is Alicia, Kelly’s cousin.”Alicia opens up smiles to both of them. “It’s so good to finally meet you guys! Those two talk a lot about you, it’s great to finally put faces to the names!” Both of them shake her hand, and she turns to Jensen. “So, you’ll be the one escorting me down the aisle then?”Jensen smiles nervously. “Well, yeah. Got my ride here for that and everything, hope it’s okay.”She waves him off. “Of course! We’ll make a great maid of honor and best man pairing. Jared, I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your man for a bit. I promise to return him in one piece!”Jared smiles friendly at her, and Jensen is relieved to see that Alicia does seem like a great girl. “Sure, it’s okay! I’ll be watching from afar, don’t forget!”She laughs. “Don’t worry, I can behave around pretty guys! You two make a gorgeous pairing I must add! Sorry, I know I tend to talk too much. I need to go now and make sure Kelly is doing well, but we’ll meet again soon!”With that, she’s gone, and Jared turns to Jensen. “She’s approved.”Jensen laughs. “Good.”*Jensen lines up with Alicia next to him, holding a small bouquet in her hands, ready to go down the aisle. Jensen can see how the bridesmaids and groomsmen are paired up in front of them on the line, the girls with their arms around the guys’ elbows. Alicia smiles at him and he smiles back, clearing his throat.“You can… I mean, if you want to, you can, I don't know, put a hand on my shoulder. Guess it would look better, since you can’t just wrap a hand around my arm like the others.”She nods. “Yeah, sure!” Alicia places her right hand on Jensen’s left shoulder, and that’s how they go down the aisle. Jensen can see all eyes on him, of course, and he keeps his posture straight and a smile on his face all the time. He looks at his brother at the altar, who has a huge smile on his face, and his gaze searches for Jared, who’s smiling encouragingly back at him. As they arrive at the altar, Jensen turns to Alicia and they exchange a kiss on the cheek, then Jensen moves to Josh’s side. There’s a moment with just the music playing, and Jared discreetly makes his way behind the altar and the groomsmen, who make space for him to position the walker right in front of Jensen. He focuses on his task, locking the brakes on his chair, taking his feet off the footplate, and locking the mechanism on his braces. He places both hands on the walker and swiftly lifts himself. When he’s done he looks over at Josh, who has an expression of awe as he sees his brother standing next to him. Tears form in his eyes and Jensen gets teary as well, as he finds himself at the same eye level as Josh. They don’t exchange words, just a mutual nod, but Jensen knows a lot is exchanged there.Kelly walks down the aisle and she looks like an angel. Jensen gets emotional watching her and Josh exchanging looks, and he can’t help looking over at Jared, something special being passed between them too. The ceremony is beautiful, Jensen hands Josh the paper with his vows since Josh trusted him with it. They exchange beautiful words and of course, Jensen imagines one day as Jared and he exchange vows like these too. They sure would have a lot to say.The newlyweds finally kiss after being pronounced husband and wife, and everyone cheers. Jared returns to Jensen’s side to assist him in getting back to his chair and taking the walker away. Jensen reunites with Alicia as they follow Josh and Kelly down the aisle. Once the ceremony has ended Josh gives Jensen a big hug.“Bro, that was amazing! I could never expect you to actually stand next to me. I love the surprise, thank you.”Jensen smiles at him. “I thought it would be important. And I’m very happy for you, bro.”They go take pictures with the rest of the wedding party, once again Jensen uses the walker so he can stand up during a few shots, and Jared always assists him with the task of standing up and sitting back down. Josh and Kelly take some pictures with Jensen’s parents, but he stays away from those and Josh doesn’t insist.Jared and Jensen head to the reception area for cocktail hour and each of them has a couple of drinks. Jensen exchanges some conversations with more relatives, but thankfully his father stays the hell away from him. Finally, the bride and groom arrive at the reception and Jared sits with Jensen at the main table with them. Everyone has a delicious dinner and afterward, it’s time for the toasts. Jared once again places the walker in front of Jensen, he had placed it there after the ceremony, and Jensen clinks his glass with a knife to get everyone’s attention. Then he goes through the process of standing up while holding onto the walker, and he feels good as he looks at everyone from above for once. He takes a look around and then his gaze lands on Josh and Kelly, Jensen smiles at them before addressing everyone, one hand on the walker and the other holding the champagne flute.“Good evening, everyone. For those who don’t know me, I’m Jensen. Josh’s brother and best man. I can’t find words to say how happy I am being here tonight and as his best man most of all. Josh and I were very close when we were kids. But life made us drift apart at some point, and we didn’t have a sibling relationship anymore. We were too different, and I always missed having my big brother as my friend. But I had no idea how to get the bond back. Then, a little over one year ago, my life turned upside down as I became paraplegic after an accident that nearly took my life. It was, of course, the hardest time of my life and Josh surprised me by staying by my side and helping me so much. One of the good things that this accident brought, was the fact that I was able to reconnect with my brother. I also had the chance to get to know Kelly better, and she has become a sister to me as well. It was a huge honor receiving this invitation, and I’m glad you insisted on it, even when I thought I wasn’t cut out to be your best man. Thank you for trusting me with such an important role, it means the world to me. You couldn’t have chosen a better partner bro, and I’m sure you and Kelly will live happily ever after. I can’t wait to have nieces and nephews and be the cool uncle who has a different ride, and I’ll spoil them rotten. Here’s to you and Kelly and the new, beautiful adventure you’re embarking on together. I love you bro, and I’m damn proud to be able to call you my brother. To the happy couple!”Everyone makes a toast and Jensen can see how people are crying. Josh and Kelly are crying too as they smile at him, and Josh gets up to share another hug with Jensen. Afterward, he sits back in his chair with Jared assisting him, and his boyfriend is also teary.“That was lovely Jen, beautiful words!”Jensen kisses him as they listen to the other speeches.*The reception is great and Jensen is pleased to see Josh and Kelly so happy. He makes small talk here and there with some relatives but stays mostly with Jared. His mother comes over to talk to him but doesn’t stay long, and thankfully Alan keeps his distance. Eventually, it’s time for the couple’s first dance and he watches it with Jared, a smile on their faces. The wedding party and families are invited to dance too if they wish, and Jared asks if Jensen wants to dance.“I can hold you up since you’re wearing the braces,” Jared suggests, but Jensen shakes his head.“Nah, I’m good just watching. It’s fine, promise.” Jensen really means it, he’s content just watching everyone else. Jared keeps his hold on Jensen’s hand as they watch the dances, Kelly with her father and Josh with Donna, then Kelly dances with Alan and Josh with Kelly’s mother. Eventually, Jensen turns to Jared.“The night is beautiful. Wanna go for a stroll?”Jared nods and gets up. “Definitely.”They leave the reception area together and head outside, toward the lake. It’s a beautiful place, the lights from the reception make the area even more gorgeous. It feels like a dream. Jared places his arm on Jensen’s shoulder as they take the path around the lake. They go like this for a while in silence, then return toward the reception area and decide to settle down on a bench right by the lake. They can still see people in the reception and hear the song playing in the distance. Jensen parks his chair diagonally and swiftly transfers to the bench, and Jared sits beside him.They stay in companionable silence for a while, hand in hand as Jensen caresses Jared’s with his thumb, watching the party from afar, how Josh and Kelly mingle with all the guests, how everyone is having fun, and Jensen smiles.“That was a great wedding.”“Really was. Kelly is a great girl, I’m sure they’ll be very happy.”Jensen nods. “I hope they have a child soon. I’d like to be an uncle. Can you imagine us as uncles? We could have sleepovers and stuff. Of course, we would need to travel to Texas as often as possible to visit if we’re living somewhere else. We would totally be the fun uncles.”Jared smiles. “We definitely would.”Silence falls between them for some time, and when Jared finally speaks again, in a small voice, he keeps staring ahead, squeezing Jensen’s hand and changing the subject altogether.“I’m not doing it.”Jensen looks at him with a frown, not following the subject change. “You’re not doing what?”Jensen watches how Jared purses his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and he keeps staring straight ahead. “I’m not signing the contract with the Hornets.”Jensen’s eyes widen almost comically, and his jaw drops.“You’re what?” Jared doesn’t answer, doesn’t move, and Jensen can tell he’s really nervous about this. Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand tighter. “Jay, talk to me. How come you’re not signing the contract? You nuts?”Jared slowly turns his face sideways to look at Jensen, his eyes big as he stares into Jensen’s. “I gave it a lot of thought this past week. If I accepted becoming an NBA player, a lot of things would change. I’d have to go to North Carolina and leave everyone behind in Texas. I’d have to quit college, which I really like. I’d have to dedicate a lot to being a player. It’s not an easy task. I know you’d come with me Jen, and that means a lot. But my primary focus would have to be the team, I’d be away a lot traveling for games. It would require a lot from me and I would miss out on so much. Our lives would change and I don’t think I want that.”Jensen shakes his head, not really comprehending what Jared is saying, this is insane. “But Jay… hasn’t this always been your dream too? As much as it was mine, becoming an NBA player? I thought it was what you wanted the most in your life!”Jared huffs and gives Jensen a small smile, speaking in the softest voice as he looks at Jensen with those soulful eyes of his. “Jen, what I want the most in my life is you.” Jared looks down at their joined hands, playing with Jensen’s fingers for a bit, and Jensen knows that Jared is trying to organize his thoughts so he stays silent, his heart beating faster after hearing those words. Eventually, Jared looks up again to face Jensen. “Dreams change, Jen. During this past week, I asked myself over and over what is the thing that would make me the happiest in my life. I thought the answer would be ‘becoming an NBA player’ since that has always been the dream. Ever since I was young too. But then… my mind kept going in your direction. I kept picturing our life together, everything that we do. After we started practicing wheelchair basketball together, I started looking forward to that even more than the practices with the team. Because it was the two of us, it doesn’t matter how we play. I’m the happiest when I’m with you. I’m the happiest living this life. And that became my answer. I want to have a life with you. I'm choosing you.”Jared makes a pause and looks down again, biting his bottom lip. “I know it’s a hard choice to make and I may be giving up on becoming a worldwide famous player, I don’t know. I’ll never know what I could have been. And I know anyone would call me crazy for passing this up. To a lot of people, I may be making the wrong choice. But I want to live this life. I want to keep playing basketball with you. I can join a local team after I leave college to keep playing as a hobby. I won’t quit basketball altogether. I just don’t want to go pro. I want to keep trying new sports with you. I want to get my physical therapy degree. Maybe someday opening my own business. I’d like for us to get a house together, with a hoop in the backyard so we can play our one-on-ones. I want to stay close to our family, and our friends. I don’t want to have to leave you over and over as I travel with the team or have to spend lots of time practicing. I just want this, right here. I hope you can understand that.”Jensen stays silent for a while as he processes everything that Jared said. He still can’t believe Jared is giving up on something so huge so they can have their life together. He places a hand on Jared’s neck and caresses it with his thumb. “Jay, are you absolutely sure this is what you want? Have you really thought this through? I mean, of course I want to live right next to you and I love our life. But I don’t want you to regret it down the road, look back and resent our life together and your choice because you gave up on something you really wanted.”Jared smiles and places his other hand on Jensen’s thigh. “I’m sure. I said I needed to decide by myself and that’s what I did. I chose what I know will make me the happiest. Of course, we can never know for sure if we’re making the right choice. I’m just doing what my heart is telling me to do. And my heart always points in your direction. Not the professional career. I’ve realized that bit by bit during these past months we have spent together. I’m the happiest by your side, I’m the happiest playing basketball by your side. Not with the team.” Jared looks down once again. “I just…”Jared trails off and Jensen picks up on the chance of mood. Jensen moves his hand and cups Jared’s face, tilting it up so Jared faces him again. “Just what, Jay?”Jared gives Jensen a nervous look. “Maybe it’s stupid. But I’m also afraid you will end up resenting me for giving up on something that was your dream too. I mean, I’m willingly giving up on becoming a professional basketball player, passing on this opportunity of a contract with an NBA team. I’m choosing to do that when I could have chosen differently, I’m declining something you’d give anything for, and you don’t have this choice. The choice was taken from you and I’m terrified you’ll resent the fact that I made a different choice. Like you said yourself, if I accepted it you would be living your dream through me. And I’m saying no to your dream too. I’m terrified of that, actually. That part of you may even hate me for it.”Jared’s eyes well up and Jensen really understands how scared Jared is of it. So Jensen offers him a small smile and caresses his cheek with his thumb while framing his face.“Oh love. No, please don’t feel that. Jay, just like you said that dreams change, my own dreams changed too. And I’ve realized that lately. Yes, I always dreamed of being an NBA player. After the accident that’s all I kept thinking about. When I first realized I wouldn’t be able to play again, I thought all my dreams had shattered and I would never be happy again. But over these past months, my dreams changed too. When looking at my future, I don’t see a basketball anymore. I mean, I do see it. I want to keep playing too. I love basketball and I always will. But I also love it the most when we’re playing together. Not with the team. I’ve realized I can live a happy life even if I can’t jump and dunk a ball like I used to. I love everything we do together, I love trying out new sports too. Doing things I’d never have done before. I love staying next to you even when we’re not doing anything. I love my job, I love my degree. I’m happy working with my art. I’ve realized that life goes way beyond basketball. And I’d never resent you for giving up on that. It’s your choice and I’ll always respect it. I don’t want you to have this weight of my dream that never came true on you, I’d never project that on you. I shouldn’t have said that, I don’t want you to feel forced to do something only because I couldn’t. And Jay, I’d probably have made the same choice. I know it’s hard, you could become a rich and famous player. But there’s more to life too. And I’m honored that you’re choosing our life over your career.”Jared smiles and turns his face sideways so he can kiss Jensen’s hand. “Promise?”“Wheelie promise.”Jared lets out a deep breath as if he has been holding it for ages. “God, I’m so relieved I let this all out.”“How long have you decided this?”Jared shrugs. “Not long, I guess. I wanted to wait until the wedding was over since you were pretty stressed about it too. But man it feels good to take this weight off my shoulders.”Jensen smiles and drops his hand, keeping his other still on Jared’s. An idea comes to his mind and heart, and it may be completely crazy. As Jensen speaks again, he also doesn’t look at Jared.“Jay… I know I’ve asked this before. But just humor me, please. Are you absolutely sure you’re ready for this? For the long haul?” Jensen makes a motion to his legs and his chair sitting next to him. “Seriously. It’s one thing to date someone with a disability for a while, but to actually build a life with them is different. Having a paraplegic partner is a challenge, and I mean in everyday tasks and everything else. A lot will be different and need adaptations. Even the heavy work that will almost always fall on you. It’s not a regular life that you would have with someone else. Are you one hundred percent sure you’re ready for this? Rationally, please.”Jared nods, giving Jensen a kiss. “I am. I have thought about all of this even before we got together. I wouldn’t start something with you if I weren’t absolutely sure. I know it’s challenging sometimes. But Jen, I reached the conclusion that it’s only challenging in the physical aspect, nothing else. Every couple has different challenges. We’ve been doing so well since we got together. I truly, honestly don’t mind that you’re paraplegic, Jen. It doesn’t make a single difference to me, I swear. Do I wish you could still walk? I mean, of course. But because I know it would make your own life much easier. But to me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care if you’re sitting or standing. Jen, I wouldn’t mind even if you were a quad and needed help with everything. I’d face the challenge of being your caregiver. All I want is to be by your side. You’re the person I love more than anything. It doesn’t matter what shape you’re in. Can you understand that? I mean, ask yourself this. Reverse the roles. Imagine if you could walk, and you found me again to learn I was bound to a wheelchair. And we grew this same bond. Would you want to be with me despite my disability? Or another scenario. Let’s say something happens to me in the future and I acquire a disability too, which is something that can happen to anyone. It would be a double challenge. Would you still want me? Or would you leave me because it would be too hard?”Jensen doesn’t even need to think. “I’d want you no matter what.”Jared smiles. “See? That’s your answer right there, why I want to be with you no matter what. I love you. That’s all there is. It’s this simple.”Jensen nods. “You’re right. I get it. And I try to tell myself that. I believe you.” Jensen makes a pause and chuckles. “Man, can you imagine if someone told you a couple of years ago that you’d be giving up on an NBA contract to have a life with me of all people?”Jared laughs and repeats something Jensen has already said before. “I’d say this person snorted the wrong kind of drug.”“Me too. I still can’t believe that of all people, you are the love of my life. I could never imagine that underneath that dude that I was so annoyed with, was the most incredible guy I’ve ever met."Jared nods and smiles fondly. “Yeah, it’s pretty unbelievable when we look back and remember that period, and to see now, everything that we became to each other.”Jensen lets out a breath. “I thought my biggest plot twist was my injury but it was actually you. I’m very thankful that we decided to start over. Best decision ever.”“Agree on that.”They fall silent once more and Jensen suddenly feels an urge deep inside of him to say something. He looks down and plays with Jared’s fingers since he can’t bring himself to look at Jared as he says it.“Hey Jay… do you think… I mean.” He clears his throat since his voice has some trouble coming out. “Do you think you’d like to be my husband?”Jensen hears Jared gasping loudly and sees from the corner of his eye how his boyfriend leans a bit away from him in shock, his voice coming out high-pitched. “Excuse me?? Are you fucking proposing to me right now, Jensen Ross Ackles?”Jensen shakes his head and looks up, feeling his cheeks heat up. “No. Yeah. I mean, not officially, no. This isn’t planned, it’s something that just came to me. I don’t have a ring or anything. It’s not a proposal, it’s more like a promise. To our future. I mean, I wouldn’t even want to steal my brother and Kelly’s thunder by proposing on their special day. So let’s not tell anyone about this for now. But I just… I was thinking, ya know? You’re giving up on something that would be so awesome for you, so we can build our life together in another direction. And like I said, this is my dream too. To build a life with you.”Jensen lets go of Jared’s hand and faces forward, resting his elbows on his knees as his mind wanders and he gets his feelings out of his chest.“God, Jared… I know I’ve said this before but what you did for me, I can never repay you for. Before you came along, I was in this dark, endless hole that I had fallen into after my injury. Like I was drowning in the darkest, deepest sea. Then I started seeing a flicker of light. As a lighthouse in the distance. Then the light grew bigger and bigger and it was like the clouds were opening, the sun was peeking through. It kept getting brighter and brighter, you helped me climb out of that dark hole. When you pulled me out of that pool, it’s like you were also pulling me out of the bottom of the dark ocean, and then helped me swim back to the land. You put me on your shoulders literally and most of all figuratively, you held me together when I was convinced I was going to fall apart. But most importantly, you treated me normally from day one, you never tiptoe around me or act as if I'm something breakable because I can't walk anymore, and that's what I desperately needed to still feel like a person, to feel that I'm still Jensen and not only a dude in a wheelchair. You always saw me, and my chair as only a part of me. I owe everything to you. But it’s not the only reason I want to be with you. I learned to love you more than anything. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. If you are sure this is what you want, that you’re okay having my paraplegia as part of our relationship in the long haul, then I’d like to be yours forever.”Jensen places a hand on Jared’s knee for balance as he leans down to take a flower from the ground by him. It’s a very simple thing, light pink with a few petals. He shows it to Jared, again turning to face his boyfriend. When Jensen speaks again, his voice is hoarse since his eyes are filled with tears. “As I said, this isn’t a real proposal, I don’t think it’s time to make it that official yet. But I’d like to be committed to you. As in more than just boyfriends. As a promise that one day we’ll be husbands. We can even keep this to ourselves for now.”Jared smiles that beautiful, dimpled smile of his, his eyes shining as a couple of tears fall down his cheeks.“Ask me again?”Jensen places both hands on the bench to turn his body more towards Jared, taking his hand. “My sweet Jay, my chatterbox, my adorable little shit, the second best power forward in the world, my lighthouse. Would you like to be my husband someday?”Jared nods vigorously, more tears falling down his face as he squeezes Jensen’s hand. “Yes, Jen. I’d love to be Mr. Cheesy Wheelies in the future. It’s my promise to you as well, my commitment to you. I want to be yours forever.”Jensen smiles and places a strand of hair behind Jared’s ear, placing the small flower there as well. “This is our symbol of commitment for now. We can even get rings later to celebrate our commitment.”Jared kisses Jensen’s hand and takes another flower to position on the same spot behind Jensen’s ear. “We might. We don’t need a physical symbol though. Our souls are already deeply committed to each other.”Jensen smiles wider. “It was super cheesy of you.”“I know that.” Jared pulls Jensen into a kiss, and they share a tight hug as emotions pass between them. Jensen could never imagine his brother’s wedding would be this special. As they pull apart Jensen keeps an arm around Jared and guides him so he lies his head on his shoulder, and they stay just like this for a long while, just enjoying the closeness and winding down from the emotional moment, Jared seeks for Jensen’s free hand so he can hold it. Jensen sings quietly as he rests his head on Jared’s while caressing his upper arm and hand, both staring at the lake in front of them.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...
Eventually a slow song starts at the reception and Jensen squeezes Jared’s arm. “Can I take up on your offer to dance now?”Jared lifts his head and nods, smiling at Jensen and getting up from the bench. Jensen locks the mechanism on the braces and Jared leans down in front of him to wrap both arms around his waist. Jensen places his arms around Jared’s neck, who carefully pulls Jensen up to a standing position. As the braces lock in place, Jared gives Jensen a once-over.“Good?”Jensen nods. “I’m good. Just dance with me, Jay.”Jared keeps one arm firmly around Jensen’s waist, making sure he won’t fall, and takes his hand with the other, holding it to the side. Jensen keeps his firm hold with his other hand around Jared’s neck, and Jared starts moving them slightly left and right as the song plays in the distance.
A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light
They smile at each other, eyes fixed on one another, and Jensen can almost see Jared’s soul through those beautiful hazel eyes that have become his biggest source of light. He can’t believe he got so lucky.
If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought that I'd love anyone so much
Jensen eventually rests his forehead against Jared’s, bringing their joined hands closer to their bodies and closing his eyes. They keep this incredibly intimate connection and Jensen wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else in the world right now, with anyone else. There’s only him and Jared, and nothing else matters.
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.
Eventually, Jensen pulls back just a bit to stare at Jared’s face.“What do we do when we realize that all of our new dreams came true?”Jared smiles and kisses Jensen’s forehead. “We make sure our path is always filled with new dreams. And that the biggest dream is always this one. Always side by side dunking the curveballs that life throws at us.”Jensen smiles back. “And we keep on dancing?”Jared kisses Jensen’s lips and nods. “To the most beautiful song of all.”
To Be Continued...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jared
Three Years Later
“Happy Birthday dear Jared
Happy Birthday to you!”
“Make a wish Jay!” Jensen says with a smile right next to him, and Jared leans down to blow out the candles.I want to grow old with you, Jared wishes. He smiles widely at Jensen and his husband gives him a knowing look. Jared doesn’t even have to tell Jensen what he wished for. Everyone claps and cheers around them, and Jared tickles Nick’s tummy, who is sitting on Jensen’s lap, and the boy screams in joy. Jared sees some people taking pictures of the scene, and he can’t wait to see all of them.Today is Jared’s twenty-sixth birthday and all of their close ones are gathered to celebrate with him. Jared loves reuniting everyone he loves, so he’s a pretty happy camper today. His parents and siblings have traveled to Austin for the special day, as they usually do. Jared and Jensen have a very close relationship with Jared’s parents, who truly have become parents to Jensen as well, treating him more and more like their own son, and it brings a huge joy to Jared’s heart. How they accepted Jensen into their lives so easily after the rocky beginning, and nowadays they don’t even bat an eye about Jared being gay and having a husband.Josh and Kelly are also here with their son Nick, who is one and a half years old. The boy is the joy of the family, and just as Jensen had predicted, they truly are the fun uncles. Nick absolutely loves both of them and has started staying at their house sometimes to give his parents a break. He loves their slumber parties and both Jared and Jensen spoil the boy rotten. They’re already introducing him to basketball with little balls so he can practice, both claiming they need to prepare the future generation. Nick also loves Jensen’s wheelchair, he’s always very curious about it. He hasn’t started asking questions yet since he can barely put two words together, but he loves to ride with Jensen on it, and when Jensen isn’t using his chair the boy loves to climb on it and make others push him around just like he always sees his uncle getting around. Jared knows that Jensen wants Nick to see his disability as something natural and normal from a young age, just like his uncle needing a device to get around instead of his legs and it’s okay. Jensen has already talked to Jared about having conversations with Nick about it when he’s a bit older and can understand it better, tell him what happened, and always show him that disabilities are a normal thing that affect many people. Jared likes how Nick will grow up being open-minded about many aspects.Speaking of, they barely hear from Alan nowadays. He relocated his company back to Dallas after losing a lot of contracts, so according to Josh, they were forced to go back. Jensen was very pleased when he heard his father was moving away from them, so there would be less chance of running into him. Alan has never come around and Jensen hasn’t talked to him in over three years. He talks to Donna sometimes, mostly on the phone, but they don’t have a close relationship. Jared knows that Jensen suffered at first for not having a good relationship with his parents, but he has managed to get over it with the help of counseling and, of course, people who truly love him. Even Josh doesn’t have a close relationship with them, Nick barely sees his grandparents and Jared thinks this is so sad. He can’t understand why some people can be so narrow-minded and waste the opportunity to spend good time with their family. Even Jared’s parents are more present in Nick’s life than Alan and Donna, they truly love the child and Jared can see them becoming grandparents figures to him just as they became parents to Jensen. Jared loves how they’re all one big family now.Their friends are all here today of course. The usual gang who is pretty strong even nowadays, Chad and Sophia who got married a year ago, and Justin, Chris, and Steve with their plus-ones. Jared loves how they’re still very close friends and hang out together every chance they get, and they welcomed the new additions happily. And of course all their other friends, many of them also with disabilities since Jensen has a pretty good connection with those folks from the teams he plays with and others too. Jared is happy to see how Jensen has created a good circle of friends whom he can relate to in another way, and exchange experiences with people who share the same fate as him. Jared, of course, has become good friends with many of them as well.Sherri is in charge of cutting the cake with Kelly’s help, and everyone spends some time just eating. Jensen feeds Nick some bites inconspicuously when Josh and Kelly aren’t looking and Jared just watches the scene with a smile. Eventually, Josh approaches him.“So Jared, where’s your wedding photo album? Jensen mentioned it got ready, we’re dying to see it!”Jared lights up at that. “Oh, I’ll go get it!”Jared walks inside the house, grabs the photo album, returning to the backyard, and hands it to Kelly. A few people gather around them to see the lovely photos and Jared sits on Jensen’s lap - after Nick vacants it - so they can see it too even if they’ve seen it many times, Jensen with a hand on Jared’s thigh and Jared covering it with his own.Jared and Jensen got married a couple of months ago, and it was incredible. Jensen proposed to him - for real this time - on the first night after they moved into their house. It was one of their happiest days, finally moving into their own place, that was theirs for real. Jared and Jensen had started talking about buying a house about two years ago. They had already been very solid by then and still living in the apartment. They were happy there, but even though they managed to adapt it to some extent, it still wasn’t ideal for Jensen for the long haul. The bathroom had a cabinet under the sink which was a hassle for Jensen since he couldn’t roll his chair under the sink and use it properly, he always had to be sideways to use the sink. They also couldn’t install proper parallel bars since they couldn’t drill holes in a rented apartment. There was also the kitchen, the cabinets were a bit high for Jensen to use comfortably, so he mostly used the dining table to prepare things and tried to manage with the stove. There came a time when moving became a necessity for Jensen to have a more comfortable daily life, even if he tried to claim he was good.But Jared started insisting they moved somewhere more accessible, whether they would rent a new place or buy it. After a lot of talk, they decided they should try buying a house since that was their plan for the future anyway. Jared still had some money from his college tuition, and Jensen decided to use a large part of his trust fund as a down payment. Jared tried to argue that Jensen would be using a lot more money than him, but Jensen just told him to shut up. What was his was Jared’s too, was what he said. So they started the task of finding a house that suited their needs and also fit their budget, which proved to be a hard task. They got a good real estate agent to help them and they started visiting lots of places. They required that the house be one story, not too big but with space to move around, especially in a wheelchair, and no steps to get in and out, or at least only a couple so they could build a ramp. They also wanted a small backyard to set up a basketball hoop. And Jensen insisted that the house had at least two full bathrooms since he hated how he took up so much time in it because of his routines, especially when Jared’s parents or siblings were visiting.It took them about four months to find the house they wanted, with all those requirements. It wasn’t too far from where they lived, a very modest but beautiful house. It had an open space with a kitchen, living room, and dining room all connected, three bedrooms, one with an ensuite, the other two bedrooms with a shared bathroom, and a third in the hallway. A nice backyard where they could set up the hoop and get a grill to have their friends and family over, maybe get a dog. Their offer was thankfully accepted and Jared and Jensen celebrated when they finally signed the deal to their new house, as if they were taking an important step towards their life together. The house, of course, needed some renovations to become completely accessible to Jensen, so they had to spare some extra money on that. The bathroom was the most important of course, they decided to renovate their ensuite and also one of the other bathrooms so Jensen could also use it when Jared was in their bathroom. They removed the cabinets and made the sink and toilet a comfortable height for Jensen, also installed better bars next to the toilet and in the shower stall. They decided against installing a shower stool on the wall and kept the shower bench instead, for the single reason that Jared enjoyed showering sitting next to Jensen sometimes, so the bench was better. The kitchen was also renovated with part of the counter lowered so Jensen could access it easier, and a second cooktop at his height since he loves cooking. They also built a ramp in the garage so Jensen could get inside the house from there since there were a couple of steps to access the kitchen. They built some paths in the backyard so Jensen could navigate easier and not have to wheel around in the grass all the time especially when it rained, and of course, installed their beloved hoop so both could practice basketball any time they wanted. It wasn’t cheap but the money spent on the renovations was so worth it since they would finally live in a place completely suited for Jensen’s needs which was the most important thing for Jared.So they finally moved when they had at least the basics to live in the house. After getting settled, Jensen invited Jared to a one-on-one in the backyard so they could use their hoop for the first time. Both had changed into comfortable clothes and Jensen changed wheelchairs, and they spent a while having some fun together. Once they were done, Jensen simply called Jared over and reached into the front pocket of his shorts, pulling out a velvet box. Jared gasped, bringing both hands to his face.
“This time it’s a real proposal Jay,” Jensen had said as he showed the rings to Jared. “Now that we are taking this next step in our lives, a very important one, I think it’s time to take yet another step. I won’t even say a bunch of pretty things because I think we said them all back when we had our commitment to each other. So this is just a simple question. It’s not for the future now, it’s for the present. My sweet Jay, will you marry me?”
Jared had let out a shriek, tears exploding from his eyes, and he straddled Jensen on his chair, kissing him passionately and whispering many ‘yes’ into his skin. They, of course, needed to christen all rooms in their house afterward, to celebrate their moving in and their engagement.They finally got married a couple of months ago and it was incredible. They talked a lot about what their wedding should be like, and Jensen ended up suggesting a location with a lighthouse since it was an important symbol for them. So they researched and traveled to Maine to visit the Portland Head Light. Jensen had gotten used to flying as a wheelchair user and even if he wasn’t a huge fan of it, he endured it so they could go places. The first time he caught a plane after his injury was to come back from California after Jared and he did a road trip there to go to Disney and Universal so they could use the tickets Jared’s parents had given them. It was an amazing trip and they had gone on more after that.The guests all agreed to fly to Maine so they could have their destination wedding at the perfect location. Jared and Jensen had the ceremony by the lighthouse at sunset, which was pretty magical, and being surrounded by their loved ones was the icing on the cake (Alan wasn’t invited and Donna declined her invitation). Jensen practiced over and over so he could walk down the aisle using his braces and walker, he also stood at the altar next to Jared, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place especially after they read their vows and some other surprises Jensen prepared. The small reception that followed was also awesome, everyone had a great time celebrating the love of Jared and Jensen. It was definitely unforgettable.Jensen didn’t remove his last name after they got married, he said he wanted to keep the connection with his family mostly because of his brother and also because it’s his identity. But he did add a hyphenated Padalecki to the end of his name since Jensen also wanted to officially become a part of the family who so lovingly welcomed him with open arms, so he got the best of two worlds.One of their friends asks them to talk about how their center is going, and of course, they launch into a conversation as they brag about their pride and joy. About one year ago, Jared and Jensen were also able to open their business together. It was something they talked about a lot, and it finally happened. Jared still had the desire to work with athletes, especially after getting his physical therapy degree, but he also enjoyed the rehabilitation field. Jensen actually came up with the idea of opening a center dedicated to sports medicine for paralympic athletes, so they could help improve their performance, treat injuries related to sports practice, etc. Jared absolutely loved the idea, and speaking with Jensen’s basketball friends, they also said it would be great. There are many places dedicated to high-performance athletes, but not too many focused on disabled high-performance athletes. It felt like a dream to build a place like that, but they didn’t have enough money to invest in it, especially since they were buying a house.However, after a few talks with Josh, he suggested becoming a partner in the project, investing the money needed since his own business was thriving. Jared and Jensen, of course, accepted it and the three of them became partners in the business. They managed to open the J-Squared Sports Medicine Paralympic Center, which is their pride and joy. Of course it’s not a huge place yet, but they have been doing very well and receiving lots of athletes, so Jared is sure they will be able to expand their center pretty soon. Jared couldn’t be more proud of what they achieved, and he’s very happy and fulfilled with his job. He works full-time at the center as a hands-on physical therapist which is something he truly loves to do, while Jensen takes care mostly of the administration using his knowledge from the time he studied business. Jensen is there fewer times in the week since he also balances other things like his illustrator job which he also thrives at. Jensen gets nice contracts to illustrate books and many other things, and Jared knows his husband is much happier with his job now that he gets to do something he loves instead of working for his father. They have a huge art of both of them hanging above the fireplace, and Jared loves it so much. His husband is incredibly talented. They also framed both jerseys together that they gave one another with the written messages, and hung them at the reception of their center since both wanted those displayed at a place that meant a lot to them.Speaking of basketball, both of them still play regularly. Jensen had also become the star of the university wheelchair team during the couple of years he played for them, just as he once was the star of the regular Austin team. He managed to make people get more interested in the wheelchair team and watch the games, and Jensen helped the team win a couple of tournaments, which made Jensen incredibly happy and fulfilled. Of course, the two of them had to leave the university teams once they graduated but they joined local teams, both regular and wheelchair ones, so they could keep playing. Jensen started his own team with his former UT Austin teammates who didn’t move away or went to try the professional career once they graduated, and more players joined them as well. Jared thought Jensen would consider going pro himself, maybe even pursuing a paralympic career since it was always his dream. But Jensen also chose not to, refusing an invitation to join a professional team when he was approached just like Jared did so they could have their life together. Jensen concluded that he was also happy just playing as a hobby, so that’s what he does.A few months ago Jeff contacted Jensen and invited him to be his assistant as he accepted a job to coach a team of kids at a local school. Jensen was wary at first, he asked for Jared’s opinion who encouraged him to go for it. Jeff had remained in contact with them even after they graduated, and both call him a friend. Jeff wasn’t too pleased at first when Jared declined the contract with the Hornets, but he ended up understanding Jared’s reasons and his desire to build a quiet life with Jensen. Jared was very pleased when Jeff invited Jensen to work with him, the way he trusted Jensen with the task of helping coach a bunch of kids. Jensen ended up accepting it even though he was pretty nervous about facing the kids. But of course his husband thrived at it, and the kids all love him. He even plays with them from his chair and the kids always ask for it once regular practice ends. Jensen does that twice a week and Jared can see he loves it.All in all, their lives are pretty amazing and Jared is the happiest he could be. Jensen has asked him once if he regrets not signing the contract with the Hornets, and Jared told him he doesn’t. Yes, Jared knows what he gave up on. Perhaps a luxury life, with lots of money and fame. Yeah, Jared knows he was maybe insane for passing this up. But the truth is, he never cared about money. He knows Jensen doesn’t either, he comes from a wealthy family and was never happy. He often says he only knew true happiness when he moved to Jared’s tiny apartment, it was when he first felt welcomed in his life. Jared loves their life. Yes money is good and they do make a decent amount, of course it’s nothing that makes them rich but it’s enough to get by comfortably. He doesn’t know if he would enjoy having the eyes of the media all the time on top of him. Jared likes their quiet life, he loves just being next to Jensen daily. He loves falling asleep and waking up next to his husband every day, and not having to spend lots of time traveling. He loves trying out sports with Jensen, he loves being outdoors with him. Jared loves their quiet evenings as they snuggle on the couch to watch TV, and when they cook together. He loves being close to his family and friends, his brother Jeff has gotten married and will be a father soon, so Jared will have a niece in a few months. He loves going to his parents’ house for the weekend with Jensen when his mama cooks lots of food for them, and they do that regularly. Jensen and he are thinking of adopting a dog soon, which Jared knows will make their lives even happier.There’s no way to know what Jared’s life would have been like had he signed the contract with the Hornets. But what Jared does know is that he doesn’t want any other life that isn't the one he has with Jensen. And the wish he made when he blew the candles is true. This is all Jared wants for his life: to grow old with his biggest pain in the ass, his Cheesy Wheelies, the love of his life. All Jared wishes for is a lifetime spent by Jensen’s side.
Jensen
On the next day, Jared and Jensen head to Lake Travis by late afternoon. They love going there, it’s a special place for them. Jensen is driving and Jared is just watching the road passing by, a hand on Jensen’s thigh. Jensen began driving more and more when he got his driver’s license, so he could get used to and also comfortable behind a wheel again. It wasn’t easy at first since Jensen caused his accident, but he managed to get over his fear. Jensen finally got his first adapted car about two years ago, it was a huge achievement for him. Jared was right, it helps a lot with his independence. Jensen gets to go wherever he wants without having to ask Jared to drive him, and he can also take over when Jared is tired or for any other reason. Jared’s new car has also been adapted so Jensen can drive it too if needed, and it’s a good thing that Jared can just use it regularly when he’s driving. Both can drive their two cars, which is very handy. Jensen also became a pro at storing and getting his chair out of the car and assembling it, which is, of course, a vital ability he needs to have for when he’s driving by himself.They arrive at the lake and Jared gets Jensen’s chair, bringing it close as usual, since he still takes care of it when they’re together. Jensen shifts on the seat and slowly brings his legs to the side of the car, managing to pull them out of the car almost without the help of his hands. He swiftly transfers to his chair, moving his legs up to place them on the footrest. Jensen has regained some mobility in his legs over time, more than he had in the beginning. It’s not enough to make him stand and walk on his own, he doesn’t have the strength for that and probably never will, but it’s good to have some mobility back. He can slightly move his legs mostly to the sides and also forward and backward, and lately, he has started managing to pull them up a few inches, enough for him to get them out of the car and place them on the footplate of his chair without having to use his hands. Of course, it’s much quicker to pull them up with his hands and he does that when he’s in a rush, but more often than not he uses the small strength in his legs to do it, and he feels damn proud of it. Jared is very patient with him, always waiting when Jensen is trying to move his legs by himself even if it takes longer. They always celebrate these small achievements together, Jared acting as if it was his personal victory, and it makes Jensen love him even more.Jared is also the biggest responsible for Jensen recovering some movements. He has always worked hard with Jensen in his therapy, trying lots of different techniques to stimulate his body and pushing him hard on his exercises, even doing sessions of electrostimulation which have good results. The sports they try together also help with it, and Jensen feels elated that he did gain more function back and knows he’s still not done. Jensen has met people who have regained more movement even years after their injury, and he still works with Jared to regain as much function as he can. Jensen is realistic, he knows he will most likely never walk unaided again unless there’s a cure for SCI, but he can push for more movement.Jensen understands now that his body is pretty incredible. It sustained a devastating injury but it keeps going, it shows Jensen over and over that it’s not dead, that it’s still here as a whole, and that it’s still recovering, it still has a lot to give. Jensen’s most ambitious goal is to someday be able to take a few steps without his braces, using only the walker. He knows it’s a very hard thing to achieve and he may never get there, but even if he doesn’t, nobody can say that he didn’t try. Jared is well aware of this goal Jensen has, and he, of course, does everything he can to help him achieve it. What’s even ironic is that Jensen learned that the spasms he has in his legs are actually helpful. They give Jensen’s legs a tad more strength so he can move them easier, and Jared also uses those to help Jensen stand up and walk while using the equipment at rehab, it’s like the spasms keep Jensen’s legs straighter and maybe they can give the boost Jensen needs to maybe someday achieve his goal.Jensen still doesn’t have full sensation of course, not much more than he had already regained, but it’s okay. Just the fact that his lower body isn’t all dead and still giving signs of life after all this time is great for Jensen, especially for the love-making sessions with Jared. Jensen more often than not can hold an erection for a decent amount of time, and a few times he was even able to ejaculate even a little bit, most likely due to the electrostimulation. That was a huge emotion for Jensen since he thought he would never be able to come again. When it first happened Jensen was shocked, Jared had been sucking him off and he simply leaked some from the tip of his dick. Jared was quick to lick all of it and kiss Jensen passionately so he could taste himself. Talk about a milestone.*They head over to the kayaking area and find Kevin, who waves when he sees Jared and Jensen arriving.“Hello Js! How u guys doing today?”Both shake hands with Kevin and Jensen makes a motion towards Jared. “Came to celebrate the birthday boy here. He became older yesterday!”“Oh, nice! Happy birthday Jared! You get a free ride today in the kayak then!”Jared smiles and thanks Kevin. Jared and Jensen come over often, so they became good buddies with Kevin who has been here since the first time they came. He grabs their usual kayaks and has them ready on the water for them. Jensen positions himself and gets to the ground. Jared gives him a hand getting in the kayak so it won’t tip over, and Kevin pushes his chair away so it can be safely stored for when they return. Jared gets into the other kayak and soon they’re paddling away. Of all the sports they do together, kayaking is one of Jensen’s absolute favorites. He loves the peace it brings, he loves how he can just be with Jared in the quietness of the lake or even race one another. He loves how he’s always equal with his husband when they’re in the kayaks, always on the same eye level, not one difference between them. It’s when he definitely feels more equal.They go for a race to warm up, and Jensen feels the thrill in his veins. Jensen always works out, especially his arms, so he can easily paddle and go fast with the kayak. Jared does too, so it always makes an interesting race. This time Jensen beats Jared but not by much. They don’t keep score, sometimes Jared wins the race and sometimes Jensen does, it’s just for the fun of it.Once they’re done, both stop paddling and let the water take them wherever it wants to, they just make sure they’re always going side by side. It’s a beautiful summer day, the sun is setting on the horizon right in front of them, and it’s a gorgeous view. Their favorite time to come kayak is the golden hour, so they can just watch the spectacle and feel some peace.Eventually, Jensen reaches out and touches Jared’s neck with the back of his fingers, looping one around the chain hanging from his neck. He pulls it free and closes his fingers around the pendant, feeling the warmth from Jared’s skin on it. Jensen loves this chain, he has an identical one hanging from his own chest. They had those made a little while after Josh’s wedding, they had saved the flowers one had given to the other, as the cheesy dudes both are. They mixed the petals of both and ordered for them to be put in two glass pendants, and have worn those hanging from golden chains around their necks ever since. It was their first symbol of commitment, way before they got rings, and both love those because the flowers were part of a very important moment for them. Jared takes Jensen’s hand from the pendant and brings it to his mouth to plant a kiss on the back of it, then gives Jensen an intense look.“You happy?”Jared sometimes asks Jensen that. Not often, just on occasions. Jensen knows that Jared doesn’t ask that because he’s searching for reassurance, he genuinely wants to know if Jensen is happy. And Jensen always takes some time to answer it not because he doesn’t know the answer, but because it leads him to think about the grand scheme of his life.It has been over four years now since Jensen had a car accident and suffered an injury that changed his whole life. Over four years living as a paraplegic. And of course, he has lots of challenges in his life, more than the ordinary person has. Being in a wheelchair isn’t easy on a daily basis. Jensen has to spend much more time just making sure his body is functional and taking care of his basic needs. He just wishes things were simpler. Sometimes Jensen also feels frustrated for thinking he could do so much more if could walk, that his life is much harder because of his disability and he could be a better husband to Jared if he wasn’t so high maintenance. Jensen sometimes wonders what their lives could be like if he wasn’t disabled, how much easier it could be, the things that they would be able to do, how much more he would be able to help Jared with. Because of course, the heavy work almost always falls on him and Jensen can’t help feeling guilty over it even if he knows it’s not his fault and can’t help how things are.But at the same time, Jensen knows he would never have this amazing life with Jared if he hadn’t become paraplegic in the first place. His path would have been different and very likely he and Jared wouldn't be together and have this deep bond, which they only have because of what they went through together especially during those first months after Jensen’s injury when Jared helped him so much and saved him quite literally. They would probably be playing professionaly, much likely for teams in different parts of the country with pretty much zero contact. So it’s definitely a catch-22. Yes, part of Jensen wishes he hadn’t suffered that accident, yet he’s also aware it’s the best thing that happened to him. He just can’t help wondering sometimes. But Jensen has also adjusted pretty well to his new life. All the anger and frustration he felt have stayed in the past, and he was able to forgive himself for causing the accident. Of course, Jensen still has some bad days, when it becomes too much for him, thinking that he will never walk again. But those are pretty rare, and Jared is always there to offer comfort and lots of love.Jensen realized that we definitely get used to everything. He simply got used to a life without walking, of having programs for his bowel and bladder (even if it still sucks), of having to adapt constantly. The life he had as an able-bodied person stays further and further behind him, and he has learned to look forward and not backward. He got used to his wheelchair, it has become an extension of his body and it’s second nature to him now. He doesn’t hate it anymore as he used to. Jared was right, it’s just a device that helps him be independent, otherwise he would just be stuck in one place. He can go (almost) everywhere with his chair, so he developed a relationship with it, his wheels are basically his legs and Jensen respects them and what they represent in his life.It’s interesting to Jensen how at first he would only think about walking again, all the time. Like there was absolutely no way to live a happy and fulfilling life without walking. He envied people for being up and around when he couldn’t do that. But over time, that got pushed to the back of his mind. He has much more important things in his life now, so many incredible things going on, that walking is simply not a priority anymore. Would he like the opportunity to walk again? Hell yeah, without a doubt. Would he trade the life he has, especially Jared, for it? Absolutely fucking not. If this is the price to pay to have found the love of his life, having a loving family, jobs he loves, great friends, etc, Jensen will gladly pay it. It seems like a small price anyway.A part of Jensen will always miss the way he used to play basketball. The dream that was taken from him. But that’s just a tiny, tiny part of him. The biggest, most important part of him, loves what he has today. The ability to still play, even to coach a “regular” team, which he absolutely loves to do. Trying out new sports with Jared, things that only the paraplegic Jensen has done. And Jensen knows he can always dunk a ball whenever he feels like it, he just needs to climb on Jared’s shoulders and do it. Like he told Jared when he fake proposed to him, dreams change, and all of his new dreams got fulfilled. And Jensen knows there’s much more in their future together. When he looks ahead and sees his life with Jared, all he sees is a bright path. The darkness has stayed in the rearview mirror and the road ahead is pretty sunny.Jensen often remembers the conversation he had with Jared when they first started hanging out together, when Jared said Jensen was still himself only sitting down, and Jensen replied that he had no idea who the paraplegic Jensen was, that the old Jensen had died in the accident. Jensen is very pleased to look at himself and know without a doubt who he is today, how he finally found himself again, and even more, that he likes very much what he sees when he looks in the mirror. How he recognizes himself and is very proud of the Jensen that was born after that car crash.Jensen isn’t happy 24/7, nobody is. His life has its challenges, he gets frustrated and sad sometimes. It’s only normal that he does. Jared and he also argue sometimes like a normal couple, but they can’t stay mad at each other for more than five minutes. His life is normal so it’s okay to not always be happy. But his answer is pretty easy, and it’s always the same. In hindsight, the past four years were the ones where Jensen finally learned what true happiness feels like, and sometimes it’s completely different than what we had previously envisioned. Jensen knows now that everything happens for a reason and he was supposed to be exactly where he is today. Jensen realized that suffering a Spinal Cord Injury isn’t a death sentence like he assumed it was when he first got the diagnosis, quite the contrary. He learned over time he can still have an incredibly happy and fulfilling life, even better than the one he had before despite the extra challenges. Quoting a famous franchise, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”Still holding Jared’s hand between both kayaks, Jensen gives him a lovely smile, the one he saves only for his husband, the light of his life, his lighthouse guiding him to the shore and away from troubled waters. Jensen still has trouble believing he got so lucky to have someone so amazing as Jared by his side. And to think there was a time they couldn’t stand being near each other, and were constantly at each other’s throats, now Jared is Jensen’s whole world and much more.“Yes, Jay. I’m definitely happy.”Jensen realized that you don’t need to be afraid to start over. Maybe you’ll like your new story better.And the story of J-Squared, which had a rough start, some drama, unexpected turns, and the most surprising plot twist, now definitely has a ‘happily ever after’ written at the end of it, against all odds.
“Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.”